#maybe he doesn't speak because his character is supposed to be american

[smartzelda]

Sorry guys I gotta speak my truth on this one

I'm not kidding when I say that I think that blaming shit media literacy from fans on shipping/shippers avoids the actual root of the problem to throw people you can easily throw under the bus (simply because it's not unpopular to consider people who post about ships or ship characters in media as having lesser or derivative tastes by default)

And here's why.

I think when you blame people who are "shippers" or "consume media through shipping lenses", the true root of it all is a mindset problem.

In actually, putting on shipping lenses can be helpful when trying to analyze a piece of media. When analyzing media you're supposed to approach it through a number of mindsets and put on different lenses (both to deepen your personal understanding of the media, and to pick it apart and see what you can find there (whether intentional or not on the author's part)), and different ships can be some of those lenses

When it comes to ships between main characters (for those who are genuinely willing to see what the narrative is showing with their relationship and what it's doing), there are times when analyzing it from a shipping lens may be helpful. As someone from KH fandom, I have seen people come to deeper understandings and pick canon apart in the process of analyzing a relationship that is genuinely integral to the story (platonic or not). I've also seen people get into rarepairs of characters who barely interact or who just suffer little screen time, and I've seen them come to better understandings of those side characters and how they potentially fit into the world of the media simply because people are now focusing on these characters and how they fit into the narrative.

Frankly, I resent the idea that the only way to truly objectively analyze a piece of media is by turning off the part of your brain that gets excited over relationships and individual characters. Don't get me wrong, that is a way to approach a piece of media and a valid one at that, but the truth is that we cannot be free of bias.

For instance, I was watching House MD with my parents circa last year. At some point I started heavily tuning into what was going on with House and Wilson's relationship. My parents, on the other hand, were largely watching casually. They're not thinking of character relationships or getting heavily invested in most characters, they're watching because they like watching. One of them in particular did try to analyze things that were happening in the show as they happened. However, when it came to the scene late in the series where House threw out Dominika's letter approving her American citizenship, my parents could understand that he was doing that because he didn't want her to leave, but not much beyond that. I ended up explaining to them that House's fake marriage for Dominika was an explicit parallel to when Wilson was living with House in the early seasons. Both situations started with House being none too happy about it but ultimately letting them stay, spending a considerable amount of effort getting them to leave/getting this situation to be finally over so he didn't have to deal with it anymore, and then by the time a piece of news comes through that would mean the person in question actually leaves, House hides this news as long as he can. Because he doesn't actually want them to leave and has grown attached. And by doing this he became a self fulfilling prophecy. By reacting to the truth of Wilson and Dominika leaving him the way he does, he seals his fate and they ultimately leave anyways. Maybe I ship Hilson, but becoming open to how their relationship was handled allowed me to transition to doing character studies and recognizing patterns/parallels that I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't particularly care about the characters or their relationship.

Likewise, I've seen mutuals complain about how people who don't like or don't care about certain characters often overlook these characters (what they're actually like and their place in the narrative), while the mutuals in question (by default) are able to come to deeper understanding of what the writers/story is trying to do because they care about this funky guy

You can't eradicate bias when you're engaging in media analysis, but you can consciously put on a range of lenses and observe the media through different povs with the goal of understanding the media better or bolstering your reading of it. And those lenses/povs can include focusing on specific relationships or the perpective of certain characters

And this is why I say it's actually a mindset problem. Shippers and people who have this one blorbo they like a lot aren't inherently terrible "fandom brained individuals" who are the root of media analysis problems. The problem only arises when people's readings/analysis of a piece of media are inherently restrictive/narrow and self centered. Your problem is with people who view a piece of media through a ship they like but don't keep an open mind about it, and whose "media analysis"/views on canon cannot be split from fanon and their comfortability levels. These are the people whose "media analysis" starts and ends with justifying their fanon as canon, whose views on media revolve around sorting characters and relationships into categories they personally enjoy rather than trying to understand what's going on.

Here's another example.

Here we have a fictional ship we'll call uhhhh...Blanebin. this fictional ship I made up on the spot for characters that don't exist named Blane and Corbin

Person A is super into Blanebin. They're part of the main cast of characters and canonically childhood best friends, so person A (as much as they enjoy fanart and fic) is also enjoying analyzing how narratively important to each other they are. Recently, Corbin started dating another character in canon, but Person A is enjoying watching how Blane is reacting to this. "Is this potentially a tell that Blane is jealous or is having complicated feelings about this? What if he was, how would that contextualize his behavior this season? Here's what I think based on how Blane dealt with explicit jealousy last season in a different situation". It's not impossible that person A is still missing further understanding due to their obsession with Blanebin, but at the end of the day this obsession has allowed them to start picking through the characters both in and outside this relationship. It has allowed them to see potential subtext and theorize on what might happen next with these characters' relationship. Not to mention that with addition of Corbin dating someone else, instead of trying to erase this fact or state that Corbin canonically isn't into that person, Person A is trying to factor in how Corbin's current dating life affects his relationship with Blane (irregardless on personal views on the nature of Corbin's relationship with the person he's dating).

Person B is also super into Blanebin. They really enjoy fanart and fic of the characters, love obsessing over their moments together, and just feel like there's really something between the characters. To person B, every moment between them is just further proof that the writers are ship teasing them. But Corbin getting together with someone else this season? Oh that pissed person B off. They cannot believe that even though Corbin and Blane are CLEARLY gay for each other the writers had Corbin get with someone else this season. Perhaps, they think, it was even a decision specifically made to spite fans. How evil of the writers to tease a perfectly good ship and then have them not get together first? They must have been just doing those teases to get views from Blanebin shippers those scoundrels. To Person B, since Corbin started dating someone when he obviously has some chemistry with Blane (even though the series is far from over) means that Blanebin can never get together now and Corbin x person he's dating is ruining Blanebin by existing. In fact, they think, this is terrible writing for Corbin to be dating someone else because they don't like that relationship and don't see the point. Obviously if the writers were good then Corbin would have started dating Blane instead because this was supposed to be the Blanebin show.

Person C despises Blanebin. Don't get them wrong, they've always enjoyed the character's childhood friendship, but they actually have always thought Blane would have been better off with Victoria. They have a lot of moments too! But they're tired of seeing people ship Blanebin. Corbin just got together with someone else, so obviously that's not gonna work out. Plus Corbin and Blane totally has always given person C bro vibes. In fact, person C thinks, sure Corbin and Blane have a close friendship, but people shouldn't be shipping them. Person C likes Blanetoria and Blanetoria can't be canon if Corbin is in the way of it. So Person C likes to read Blanebin as siblings anyways. Sure they're canonically friends, but obviously their friendship turned into brotherhood. This means that nothing can be in the way of Blanetoria and Corbin can keep dating the person he's already canonically dating. Actually, now Blanebin just straight up makes Person C uncomfortable. Don't the pesky shippers understand that Blanebin are sibling coded because they're childhood best friends and that they're important to each other because they're brothers? It's obvious to anyone with eyes.

Sure, ships are involved here, but is the root of this problem shipping? Character A isn't as knowledgeable of other characters in the plot due to this lens they're using, but at the end of the day they're dedicated to analysis. Their love of the characters is pushing them beyond what they like or dislike to try to understand what might be happening through their lens. Not perfect, but they are slowly broadening their horizons. But Person B and C's problems here are their restrictiveness. What is or should be canon to them is tantamount to what they personally like or find comfortable. Is person C actually analyzing the this fake show when they decide to "read" Blanebin as basically canonically siblings (and this all of their moments are totally a bro thing) just because they don't like Blanebin and the idea of them getting together over Blanetoria makes them uncomfortable? Is person B actually analyzing this fake show when their "analysis" of Blanebin goes only as far as asserting it's being ship teased and deciding anything short of canonizing Blanebin is a targeted attack or "bad writing" because it's not what they wanted personally to happen?

This is what I'm talking about. This is the mindset. Shipping isn't the problem. The problem is when people marry fanon and canon to the point where they have a vested interest in superimposing their fanon over canon as "a reading" and trying to make "collective decisions" on what is canon (or what canon is trying to say) based on what does or doesn't make them uncomfortable. The problem is people being restrictive and centering their own likes and dislikes in the conversation, so they can only interact with canon "analysis" wise by deciding what is canon or should be canon "as obviously agreed on by everyone". You can't simply claim you like media analysis. To be able to analyze media and bolster your views on any given canon, you must be open to looking at it through multiple povs, to studying characters without trying to pretend things you don't like don't exist or do like do exist. There is a balance that must be kept between trying to keep objectivity and putting on specific focus/bias based upon the lenses you're putting on. You have to be willing to try to figure out what a media is doing or saying, not saying you're trying to figure out what it's saying while in actuality trying to define the narrative around what people believe it's saying in ways that suit you.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[your-local-squip-fanatic]

Factoids on Lester Leander Belenus Papadopoulos BECAUSE THEYRE NEAT AND I DONT HAVE MY RESOURCES TO WORK ON CH 3 (feral goblin noises) also wtf is with me posting so much GOD

-To recap, he's from Rhodes, later moved to Athens, then New York. He's got the Greek accent too, but he eventually was able to switch back and forth from an American accent. Just don't ask him to say "she sells seashells by the seashore." He literally can't say it and it's painful to hear him try. Oh gods, dude stop you're embarrassing yourself...

-When I was still working on the AU early on (CHRIST, I think it'll be nearly 4 or 5 years now dayumn!) I had everything down for my characters, but the only one needing finished was Lester. I simply couldn't think of how his personality should be. So I decided to use myself as a base and go from there! Trust me, the similarities will be evident once I get to his introduction in Shatterverse! And maybe this explains why his music taste is very similar to mine haha

-Speaking of his character, during the early stages I made his father a rich movie producer just to allow me room to work until I could figure out what I really wanted to do. Now, just a normal... well, mostly normal family and Lester doesn't need to worry about looking normal. (Advice: making your first draft god awful is a good way to go, trust me.)

-Lester, due to the above, was also supposed to know Piper personally and even crush on her like the hopeless romantic he is. Obviously not the case anymore, but he went from acquaintance to friend of Percy, and possibly even having met Annabeth once!

-Lester's design originally was just a copy of the cover designs, but I wanted to make him more authentic about his Greek roots, and so I gave him darker skin. And to clear confusion, I draw Canon/ToA Lester/Apollo with a green tee and paler skin. DLAU Lester!Apollo has a smidgen more roundness in his biceps (that cute lil chub) and visible acne. DLAU Lester always has his red hoodie, but his thinness and sickly pale skin should identify him quickly!

-He can do 115° heat. Cannot do anything below 60°.

-Bonus round! He will eat pretty anything but he adores seafood, favorite color is red (not the case once the series is done MWAHAHAHA) and he cares so much. Like he will play nurse if you're sick, he will comfort you after a bad day, and he will FIGHT anyone picking on you. Granted he will most likely lose, but hes defending your honor buddy. This mf is 16 and he is such a SWEETHEART. Too good, too pure for this world

Guys as soon as I get access to my books I will start work on Ch 3. It's killing me more than you guys not having it.

[scaryspears]

Twilight Fancasts of Main Cast + Opinions

This is mostly based on my last Twilight fancast post I made, which was just Bella, Edward and Jacob. I've decided to think of more actors to add in the mix, might have to make separate posts for all the characters, though.

Bailey Bass as Bella Swan

Jun Shison as Edward Cullen

1. If bro can play a kitsune in a human's body I'm pretty sure he can pull off Edward. We just need to know if Jun Shison speaks English.

2. Also, Edward needs to be an evil dick just because of vampire reasons. He needs to be mysterious and in a good way, not the way the movies portrayed him awkwardly.

Dakota Beavers as Jacob Black

Don't make him cut his hair, and he needs to be Native American.

Also, get rid of the whole imprinting thing if they're just going to make it gross.

Julia Rehwald as Alice Cullen

I read short hair and small frame, and I thought of her.

Evan Rachel Wood as Rosalie Hale

I found out she was around 16 when playing Tracy from Thirteen, which might make this fancast iffy since I'm using her teenage self for the gif, considering the other actors I fancasted are 18+. But I remember watching the film and thinking that she looked like she would make a great Rosalie, which is ironic since Nikki Reed also starred in Thirteen. I know she's quite old, but I think we should find a look-a-like that looks like her younger self.

Tanner Buchanan as Jasper Hale

1. I was trying to find handsome but creepy blond actors. Wasn't really able to find any, so bare with this. I think Tanner could manage being mysterious and creepy.

Chosen Jacobs as Emmett Cullen

1. I remember reading some human version fanfics of the main characters, and in some of them Emmett would be Bella's older - and sometimes twin - brother. With that in mind, if Bella's black/mixed, then Emmett is too because why not?

Antony Star as Carlisle Cullen

1. I think Carlisle's human body should be older, and thus also be played by an older actor. I know Antony Star doesn't have those same vibes that Carlisle does, but he does give off a stern exterior when playing Homelander in some scenes, and I wanna see that is Carlisle.

Emmy Rossum as Esme Cullen

1. I don't know what to think of Esme other than the fact that I know that she's taller than Bella and randomly gave some info that she lost her baby very soon. I figured she was older when she was turned, just like I envisioned for Carlisle, but somewhat looks very young (I mean, a person is still young even if they're in their thirties).

Wood Harris as Charlie Swan

1. I'm looking for old head vibes. Man from the old hip hop vibes. "Guy that listens to Tupac regularly" vibes.

2. Also, let Charlie be a temporary supernatural hunter that protects Forks.

Zahn McClarnon as Billy Black

Chace Crawford as James

James is described to be very plain looking, despite the fact that he had the vampirism that was supposed to make him look more appealing, so I was thinking about The Deep whilst reading the book.

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as Laurent

I think Edi Gathegi really stood out as Laurent, more dark skinned villains please.

2. Since Laurent is hinted to come from thanks to his accent I decided to pick an actor that is from New Orleans. I don't know why, I just decided to. Maybe I memorised some kind of misinformation about there being French speakers, I don't know.

3. If they really do make a Twilight remake and they toss Laurent to the side I'm actually gonna be so mad, because Laurent's appearance was promising, and then they chose James' boring arse.

Sophie Skelton as Victoria

I loved Rachelle Lefevre's performance as Victoria, so I want that same vibe of "seemingly innocent but clearly has a hidden agenda/motive". I know it's been a while since she's been in any films (from what I know), but I think she can pull it off. Since Laurent is hinted to be French I think it would be great that they let her be British when playing Victoria. (There's no they, but play along.)

[davekat-sucks]

imisshomestuck: Hold on, Anon. The team member here used the word "instinctively." The fuck does that mean? Pretending makes sense but the word instinctively implies it's in her nature to be British... a Harry Potter reference?

Nah, Miles there is comparing Calliope (a skeleton reptile anglophile who pretends to be British) to Jake (a skeleton-themed human who is just sort of instinctively British-adjacent). "Instinctively" perhaps is referring that Jake is "naturally inclined" to act British, maybe because of his love of movies or because it's just a dumb pun on his surname, English.

I guess that is Homestuck's whole deal that the characters "instinctivley" fit some category. Almost all of the trolls are stereotypical takes on different types of people you'd encounter online. I wish it just stuck with that. All this talk of racial coding is a headache. Damara being forced to dress the way she does doesn't automatically imply she is Japanese, Hussie then just forced her to speak broken google translate Japanese after as a joke. Hussie needed to learn the word "restraint."

Yeah, but that's exactly why they are stereotypical/one dimensional, you're supposed to be angry/annoyed with their behavior, they are trolls, internet trolls. Damara is a weeaboo, that's why she speaks in google translate japanese, to make fun of people that act like weeaboos online and don't know how to speak the language, just repeat some words they learned through watching anime. If the problem is why is only japanese broken google translate while the trolls speak fluent english, one can come up with multiple creative and interesting wordbuilding explanations as to why is that. Why do some aliens speak english while others some other language (besides the logical explanation that that is the author native tongue and the only one he knows), it's not worth fretting over or calling Damara a racist caricature. I've seen people say that cosplaying while not being japanese is offensive, and it's like, what the fuck. Are people not allowed to draw her either? Way to go fandom, now nobody even wants to depict Damara in fanworks, another win for "representation", policing fanart and cosplay...

As for why people get offended, it's never japanese people speaking against Damara, it's always americans with a savior complex. Why else does nobody says anything against Calliope doing the same but with english culture? The Speedy Gonzalez syndrome basically, where americans get offended on behalf of certain groups of people they think need "saving" and they don't realize or want to accept that mexicans fucking love Speedy. Do you see english speakers get offended when a manga depicts an american character speaking single sentence phrases in english? No, because they know the author maybe doesn't speak the language and it's just a joke. Do you see people insulting Toriyama because Piccolo the alien speaks japanese when his name is italian? No, because Piccolo is an alien, who the fuck cares.

And I wanna comment on Mr and Mr Davekat. They really aren't allowed to be their own characters. They are joined at the hip now.

Yeah I rolled my eyes out of my skull when I read that, if they called John and Roxy Mr and Ms Roxygen people would rightfully call that shit out as being corny as hell.

It is usually Americans that do something for minorities even if the minorities are okay with certain things. Why can't they leave us alone? Talk a bout hero complex. And not surprised that Dave and Karkat are only recognizable for just being a couple. It's about as said when Kanaya had been reduced to being Rose's wife/girlfriend. I feel so sorry to the actual Dave and Karkat fans that like them individually for their character, not who they fuck with.

[astrangergivingthestrangewelcome]

For the ask game!

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

💕 there are different things I really like about a lot of my fics, but honestly it's Blood Wisdom. Even though I've written 71k (!!) more of the story since Blood Wisdom and I think grown as a writer a lot since then... it's Blood Wisdom. One of the reasons that I started to write Strange Wonders was because I just thought that the ending of Dracula was lackluster. It's fine, but it starts off this Very strong psychological drama between Jonathan and Dracula and the way it ends... You might as well have car chase music playing tbh. Dracula doesn't speak past October 3rd. He's a total non-character in his own climax. It's cool that Jonathan kills him, but you're not in Jonathan's head in anyway... I wanted to end it as a psychological drama between Jonathan and Dracula and it was just really really satisfying to me to write. You know when things are just going great and you're sitting at your laptop and it's like you're in an elevated state of being and your energy is up bc you're writing it and it's like you're in your story and you start to feel the emotions you're writing for your characters? That's really what it was like for me to write Jonathan and Dracula's last verbal exchange. Like there's a line in that story where Mina says that Jonathan left the study in an agitated state and went out for a walk after he wrote his ending, and I included that because I left my living room in an agitated state and took a walk after I wrote that scene as well. I had just the best time.

And even though I would say New Woman has really given me the most valuable practice at adaptational plotting, Blood Wisdom was really the first successful time I had to sit down with a plotting problem and figure out "hey, I need these story beats from this moment. What do I need to do to get myself there?" It was a big moment of proving to myself that I could do that sort of a thing, and even though the story was only under 30k at that point in time it meant a lot to me that I had written a longer story with a beginning, middle and end.

🥳 The year was 2010, I was 10 years old and was very guilty telling fanfiction.net that I was 13 years old so that I could read James and Sarah fan fiction for PBS's American Revolution cartoon Liberty's Kids... I decided I wanted to write James and Sarah fanfiction myself and spent an afternoon writing maybe a page before I accidentally deleted everything and never started again because I was so discouraged. The next fanfic I would write and actually publish would be a BBC Sherlock fic in 2016. 🤣

I think my reasons are the same as anyone else's really. I get inspired by fiction and want to fill in the gaps. While this is not true for all of the fanfiction that I've written, I definitely tend to write my best work when I want to see something happen in a story that I don't get to see.

🦈 I've only ever written one scene with Lucy in it but I don't think she'll prove very difficult to write for. The character that I struggled with the most was probably Van Helsing. I know that Uncommon Horrors and the Resilience of the Dawn were in fact supposed to be one fic, but I switched perspective because I was like God damn I can't be in his head 24/7 anymore this is killing me. Just in terms of doing a pastiche of how Stoker has him talk. It's all right when he's just saying dialogue, but when the entire description of everything, dialogue and thought and all that has to be in that style as well... it was challenging. But I do like some of the lines that I wrote as Van Helsing. I am moderately satisfied with the end product but a lot of blood sweat and tears came before it lol.

Thanks friend!

[8-rae-rae-8]

To Save A Life - Chapter 1

[title will probably change]

Graves x Roach

Tags under the cut (because there's a lot)

Then we'll be into the story :3

I'm NOT looking for criticism!!!!

Hurt/Comfort, Canon Typical Violence, Roach has trouble talking, Graves knows how to save a life (shocking), Roach x Graves, takes place in 09, Task Force 141 as Family (Call of Duty), Author Has Never Played Call Of Duty, Quite a few people are dead already, I'm not killing them, preshadow company, Graves doesn't have his shadows yet, Young Philip Graves, Young Gary Roach Sanderson, Past Simon "Ghost" Riley/Gary "Roach" Sanderson, (that is only potentially I haven't decided yet), Graves is considerate and kind??, Coma, it's inaccurate though, Pre-Graves being evil, inaccurate coma, slow burn, disabled character, suicidal thoughts, references to depression, guns, shooting, dead characters, [Some may be added or changed]

It wasn't so quiet anymore. Rustling of tree branches told him he wasn't so dead. The faint scent of burned flesh, and hair, coming from around him. If he could move, he would.

[Start]

The world was so dark. Everything too quiet but somewhat still there. His helmet protecting him from most burns. Yet, he swore he still felt the flame on his skin.

Shots echoed in his head. He remembered who he was laid next to. Laid in a field, far from most. He wanted to speak, wanted to see if his friend was alive. But he knew the shot had gone straight to the heart. A long time ago, he promised not to get attached to a team he hardly knew... But task force 141 was different. It was a family, always looking out for each other.

This time, the Intel had been bad, at least from what they knew. They got fucked over, lied to by the general they were supposed to trust.

The last thing he truely remembered was his captain telling him he shouldn't trust the general. It was too late. The gas had been poured, drenching his clothes and his friend's body.

He was Ghost. Was. It was too late to save him. Too late.

Still being alive was a miracle after what had happened. The flame must've at least partially cauterized the bullet wounds he sustained.

He knew he wasn't dead, for he could still feel the pain. Even though the flame was long gone. Death would've been easier. It wasn't the relief he got.

The sudden hands grabbing onto his shoulders sent shockwaves of pain through his system. It wasn't a surprise when the world went quiet again. Pain ever present, but dulling. He felt sharpness in his neck, just under his helmet, then everything was gone.

In a blink of an eye.

Was this death?

No. He wasn't granted the sweet release. But maybe, just maybe he'd been saved. He could only hope.

And hope he did. From behind those closed eyes, the burns cover almost all his body, and the silence of his unmoving lips, he hoped.

Maybe one day he'd see his friends again. His team.

He was not so lucky when he woke. Or at least, when he regained consciousness.

Everything was cold. The faint sounds of beeps and monitors. He had to be alive. In a hospital, even. Who had brought him here? Did he even deserve it?

He couldn't move, but he could hear around him. His skin was bandaged, burns on his neck and around his face had been bandaged. Everything was dull, he had to assume it was due to medication. How long was he out for? He felt so different.

Mostly though, he missed his friends. His team. He was alone now. Alone, but alive. It felt wrong to live after what he'd experienced. His mind felt blurred, and just out of touch of the memories that he held closest.

Time blurred along with those memories.

A voice cut through the dark behind his eyes. He was awake, but unable to move. He didn't have the energy, even if he did he probably wouldn't want to move much.

"They call ya Roach..." An american? Really? He had to have been dreaming. This wasn't someone he knew. Was it? The voice was unfamiliar, rough.

"Ya got some pretty nasty wounds there... I got you covered." Weird. He couldn't understand why an american was helping him. Couldn't he read his file would say he was a United Kingdom citizen? Or at least part of the SAS? Maybe it wouldn't. He didn't know how long he was out.

"docs said you'd pull through, you can hear me. I think. Bless your heart.." The man sounded genuinely sad for him. Maybe it was the southern accent to his words.

"what happened to you?" He asked, as if Roach could respond. He couldn't, unfortunately. Not that he'd say anything anyways. He wouldn't want to. He never spoke much before this anyways. Speaking wasn't on his agenda, and he wouldn't be speaking to an american especially.

The man let out a dry laugh. No humor, this wasn't a time for humor. "It's been a while since i found you. Gotta admit it's a little boring waiting for you to be better."

At least the words stopped after that. It was hard to process it all. Painful, even. Too much too soon. He couldn't even voice his discomfort, he didn't even know if he could make a sound. Could he? Probably not... He'd been too wounded. He needed to rest.

Of course the man near the bed seemed to know that, but Roach seemed to realize he wasn't leaving. The faint warmth from his direction was enough to make that clear. Yet, somehow, it soothed him. He wasn't truely alone.

[End Chapter 1]

[sjsmith56]

Random-access Memory - Part 8, From There To Here, Bucky Barnes One Shots

Summary: HYDRA resumes the process to turn Sergeant Bucky Barnes into their weapon. Over the years Bucky experiences moments of clarity as he is subjected to physical and psychological torture.

Length: 4.1K

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Arnim Zola, assorted doctors, nurse, American Army general.

Warnings: descriptions of torture, abuse, and death.

Author’s notes: Most of this is not "canon;" I have imagined the torture HYDRA inflicted on Bucky to tear him apart in order for them to build him back to what they wanted.  Some inner monologue / stream of consciousness interspersed with moments of clarity as Bucky tries to understand what's happening to him.  Fair warning, this is a dark one shot.

<<Part 7

************************

1945

A jolt hits him again and the screams erupt from his throat, because his jaw is so tightly clenched, he can't even open his mouth.  Why?  Why are they doing this?  Why didn't they let him die beside the river.  Why didn't ... Steve, why didn't he give him a hand and pull him in before the railing broke?

"What is your name?" asks a voice and he sees a face, a man, with glasses, just inches away from his own face.  "What is your name?"

"Barnes, James Buchanan, Sergeant, serial number 32557038."

A nod is given to someone out of range of his vision and he screams again as the pain courses through him.  It seems to last forever then it stops and the man with the glasses comes into view.  Again he speaks.

"What is your name?"

Again, the answer is given. "Barnes, James Buchanan, Sergeant, serial number 32557038."

Again the pain returns, again, and again, and again after he answers the same way each time.  Finally, he doesn't answer because he is unconscious and the prisoner doesn't feel the straps removed from his body, being transferred onto a gurney, and wheeled into an operating room to repair the artery where his arm used to be.  On the last treatment his blood pressure went so high it burst the stitches of where his arm was amputated and he required a blood transfusion.  They gave him something else as well, just like they did in Austria.  It was blue in colour.

His face is in her hair, and it smells so good.  If they weren't on the dance floor, he would be undressing her.  What was her name again?  Connie, Bonnie, Ronnie, Donnie, Yvonne, Dionne, Diane ... there were so many, and their faces are all just out of view.  If he could just focus....

"What is your name?"

The question jolts him awake and in a panic the man looks around in confusion.  Where is he?  He struggles to remember where he was before he woke up and there's nothing there.  It's like a blank in his mind. 

"What is your name?"

The question is repeated, and he looks for the source of the voice but it's hard because there is a bright light shining in his face, that makes it difficult to see anything more than an outline.

"Fuck you," he answers.

He won't answer anything.  That's his right as a POW.  It's from something named after a place.  He's only required to give them his name, rank, and serial number.  They're supposed to treat him right. 

"What is your name?"

"Barnes, James, Sergeant, Serial number 32557038."

The last four digits are hard to say for some reason and he wonders if he's sick.  In boot camp that number is drilled into you.  It's more important than any other number in your life.  For some reason they seem satisfied with the answer and the light is turned off.  The men leave the room and the door is closed leaving him in darkness and silence.  After just a few minutes or maybe longer he wonders if they have forgotten about him.

"Hey!" he calls.  "Hey!  Where is everyone?  I need a doctor!  I'm injured."

He struggles against the restraints but he can't move and when he tries to move his head it seems there is a strap around it preventing him from looking anywhere but straight ahead.   For a long time he tries to move and when the effort exhausts him he falls asleep.

He's at the dance hall, dancing to Moonlight Serenade, with a red head ... her name is simple, three letters, one syllable, Dot, her name is Dot.  He's been trying to impress her for some time, winning her the stuffed animal at Rockaway Beach, taking her out to that jazz club, trying to prove to her that there is a correlation between dancing well on the dance floor and dancing well in bed.  She's a tough cookie though, having heard all these lines before from other guys who wanted that red hair between their fingers.  But he's Bucky Barnes ... no girl is immune to him for very long.  If only he wasn't so tired.

"What is your name?"

"Barnes, Sergeant, Serial number 3255 ...."

The man attached to the voice nods in satisfaction and begins to dictate in German to a clerk writing on a clipboard.

"Prisoner number 56898 is experiencing more memory loss of his old personality.  Grafting of the new personality with the activation words will begin when there is no more trace of his previous identity.  Work on the cybernetic prosthetic shoulder will also begin with the implantation of titanium rods attached to his skeleton and spine.  Once the shoulder unit has been successfully attached the integration of the arm unit will begin.  Subject continues to heal from other injuries suffered in his fall.  All broken bones have healed properly and the skin over the compound fractures has healed completely."

"I'm thirsty," says the soldier.

He's hit across the face.  "You will only speak when spoken to," says the man in charge.  "Water will be given at designated times and only those designated times.  If you speak out of turn again you will be punished, and water will be withheld.  Do you understand, Soldier?"

"Yes," says the soldier.

The first man turns away from the soldier in the bed, speaks some more to the clerk and then both of them leave.  The soldier lays there in the dark wondering where he is and why Steve hasn't rescued him yet then he remembers falling, falling so far and hitting the rocks on the way down.  Another memory of being dragged through the snow, leaving a trail of blood comes to him and he tries to look down at his legs to see if they're still there.  Wiggling his toes he's satisfied he still has them.  Then he wiggles his right hand and makes a fist, feeling his wrist against the leather strap that binds it.  He tries the same with his left hand but there is nothing, no sense of his fingers or hand, no feeling of the leather strap holding anything down.  The more he tries the more frustrated he gets until he is suddenly tired and thirsty.  He calls for water but no one comes with it and he eventually falls asleep.

❄️

He's walking past the blind alley and hears the sounds of a fight, no it's more of a beating as there's a couple of taunting voices.  Quietly he creeps into the alley then just before it turns he slides up to the corner and peaks around.  Two boys are beating up another much smaller boy with blond hair.  There's blood streaming from his nose and his shirt is ripped but he keeps getting up, cocking his fists and challenging the two bigger boys to do their worst.  A smile crosses his face, seeing this kid, who he recognizes as the new kid in school, who knows he can't win yet gets up repeatedly and faces these bullies.  With a yell he comes charging around the corner and lays into the bigger of the two, knocking him into a couple of garbage bins.  He turns to face the second boy who he recognizes and advances towards him, knowing the boy will turn tail and run because that's the type of coward he is.  Sure enough the second boy runs away and he faces the first boy again, putting himself between him and the smaller boy.  At least he was, because the smaller boy is suddenly beside him, his fists raised against the bigger boy.  The small boy unleashes a torrent of swear words against the bigger bully, telling him to run home to his mama.  It's impressive and they both advance on the bully, who picks himself up and runs.  Only then does the smaller boy show any weakness as he begins to cough and has to lean against a wall until the coughing subsides. 

"You okay?" he asks.

The smaller boy nods then stands upright and faces him, offering him his hand.

"My name is Steve," he says.

"Bucky.  Come home with me.  You're bleeding."

The smaller boy nods and they head out of the alley, the blood still streaming from his nose.  When they go into the house Ma takes one look at the smaller boy and gets some ice from the ice box to put on his nose.  She makes clucking sounds (that's what Bucky calls them when she acts like a mother hen) and tells him to watch his sister.  He knows she's gone looking in the attic for one of his old shirts for the smaller boy to wear so she can wash and mend his.  His baby sister starts to cry, and the smaller boy looks at her with something like awe.

"Can I hold her?" he asks.

"Sure, let me put her in your arms and I'll hold back your bleeding."

When Ma comes back she chuckles at seeing the smaller boy gently holding her baby girl while her son treats his wounds.  These two are going to be good friends.  They all feel it.

"What is your name?"

The man is silent and looks confused.

"What is your name?"

"I don't know," he finally answers.  "What is my name?"

"Soldier," says the man with the glasses.  "You are Soldier.  What do you remember?"

"Falling, snow, the blond boy with a bloody nose, dancing with a pretty girl, my mother."

"Put him through again until he only remembers the snow," says the man with the glasses to another man with him.  "Nothing else is to remain.  When that starts we will begin the implantation of the Winter Soldier program.  The muscle memory from his sniper abilities shouldn't be affected but we can't test that until the arm has been attached and adjusted."  He turns to the man strapped on the bed.  "Rest Soldier.  Only a few more treatments are needed before we make you the greatest weapon in history."

⚕️

The music is familiar, but he doesn't remember where or when he heard it.  He remembers it made him feel good.  Then it is gone, replaced by him in an enclosed space, marked with ropes.  He is ... boxing, that's what it was called and he's hitting another man, cutting his eyebrow open, then his arm is raised as the winner, it feels so good to be a winner.  After he showers, Steve is there, so is a tall woman, smiling at him, wearing gloves and a scarf, and he feels warm inside, knowing she will be with him tonight.  She's his friend but she asked him to show her how to be with a man, so that when she meets the right man she'll know.   Then the vision goes blank and even the music fades away.  He is alone.  When he tries to speak his voice doesn't work and he begins to panic, the fear is closing in all around and he tries to scream but his voice is silent.

"Soldier?" It's a woman's voice, soft, kind, and low.  "Open your eyes, Soldier.  You were having a nightmare.  If they see that they will put you through the machine again and it will hurt.  Open your eyes and look at me."

He opens his eyes and sees the dark eyes of a nurse, her face close to his.  "Thirsty," he says.

"I know but it's not time for your drink yet," she replies, whispering.  "We'll both get in trouble if I give you water.  It won't be long.  I have to go."

"Name, your name," he croaks out.

A ghost of a smile crosses her face.  "Anya.  Don't say it out loud."

"Anya," he thinks.  "Such a pretty name for a pretty girl."

She leaves and he says her name over and over again in his mind, hoping that he doesn't forget it, like the other things he knows he's forgotten.   When the others come, the doctor, the surgeons, and the military men who all wear different uniforms but have the same pin on their uniform lapels, he lays in his bed and listens to their plans for him.  Anya returns with his food and water and the doctor nods to her, allowing her to feed him as he is still strapped in.  When he finishes, he forgets what she told him.

"Thank you, Anya," he says.

The doctor orders the soldiers to take her and hits the Soldier in the face.  "You will not speak to the personnel on this base.  How did you know her name?"  He looks at the nurse and she shakes her head in fear.  "Her life is now forfeit."

"No, don't," says the soldier.  "Please, she did nothing.  Do what you want to me but leave her alone."

His eyes meet hers and he sees the panicked realization in them that a moment of kindness will kill her.  It makes him sick that he has betrayed her.  The doctor watches and sneers.

"Shoot her," he says.  "Here, now, let the Soldier see what he has done."

The guard takes his pistol, holds it to her temple, and fires.  As she slumps to the floor, with a pool of blood forming around her head the doctor watches the Soldier's reaction, and listens to his cries of agony, greater than anything he has ever expressed during his preparations.  The doctor swears in German.

"Dispose of the body and prepare the Soldier for further processing," he says.  "All signs of empathy, protectiveness and interest in the welfare of others must be erased before we can proceed."

They drag the woman's body out and the man they call Soldier is swarmed by several men wearing lab coats.  Even though he struggles they inject him with something and he feels his brain going dark, the sounds in the room becoming muffled and then he doesn't know anything until he wakes up in that other room, the room that hurts.  When they're finally done with him he has no concept of time or even a sense of relief.  He just is and when they bring him back to his room he lays there in the dark, looking up at the ceiling, seeing but not comprehending.  It isn't until he feels a drop of liquid fall down the side of his face from his eye to his ear that he becomes aware that he's sad but he doesn't know why. 

Some months, perhaps years later

The Soldier awakens, finding himself in a strange room.  The technicians gathered around are different from those he was used to and speak Russian, a language he understands even though he's aware he has never spoken it before, not that he can remember.  What's more important is that he isn't restrained and a part of him, still rebellious, lifts his hands seeing his flesh one on the right and a metal one on the left.  For some reason the sight of the metal hand enrages him and when a technician steps close the Soldier grabs him by the throat and begins squeezing it, determined to kill this man for what has been done to him.  As the others realize what is happening someone has the wherewithal to grasp a syringe with a tranquilizer and injects it causing the Soldier to relax his hold but the damage is done and the technician falls lifeless to the floor.  Quickly he's restrained by the others in the lab and he glares at them, his mind full of fury.  Suddenly the others step back and a jolt of electricity goes through his body causing a strangled scream as his body becomes rigid.  Three times he's jolted until he finally lays there unresponsive and is strapped back in.  A face comes close to his and begins speaking in Russian to someone with a clipboard.

"We will program another word, a failsafe that will shut him down, render him helpless," he begins.  "Can't have the handler in danger of him rebelling before or after the mission.  Dr. Zola didn't take into account the recuperative nature of the serum, repairing the brain's synapses to allow him to access previous memories.  They are always going to be a problem every moment he is awake."

"Can I suggest that cryogenic storage between missions be considered?" says another voice, softer but not friendlier, a woman's voice.  "After a memory wipe he could be frozen until his next mission.  It will extend his lifespan, giving us more years to access his abilities.  It will slow down and perhaps stop his synapses from repairing themselves."

The first man nods and stands erect to look at the woman who suggests it.  "Have you perfected the method yet?"  She nods with certainty.  "Do it.  Begin exposing his body to the process gradually.  We need him to be able to recuperate from the process quickly so that he can be ready at a moment's notice."

He and the others leave; only the woman is left there.  She comes closer and looks at the Soldier as if she knows him.  Gently, she touches a lock of his hair that has fallen over his eyes and moves it aside. 

"I don't blame you for my sister's death," she says in English, so quietly that only he can hear her.  "You didn't know that saying her name would result in punishment.  These followers of HYDRA are fanatics.  Although they think I am one of them I am not and I will make sure that a piece of you, however small, will remain so that when the time is right you will be able to turn against them and make them pay for what they have done.  You must never tell them about me."

"Name?" he croaks, then elaborates.  "My name?"

She smiles the slightest of smiles.  "James Barnes."  With that admission she turns and leaves, letting him explore the name in his mind, rebuilding the memories that she knows are still there, buried under the layers of debris that are in his brain.  She will have to be careful, but HYDRA will pay for killing her sister in cold blood in front of this unfortunate man who has been tortured almost incessantly since he was found almost dead in the mountains.  During cold storage at least he'll be safe, and the serum will rebuild his mind, just at a slower rate.  It's imperfect, she knows that, but someday he will turn against his masters, helping to destroy them.  Oma has seen it and she is never wrong.  In the meantime she will let her contact know that Barnes is alive and still has some of his own personality within him.

1951, Siberia

Each American POW that has been brought to the facility has supposedly been injected with the American version of the super soldier serum but it's obvious the results on the individual men are uneven.  Most were taken easily by the special force's teams supporting the Soldier who was sent in search of the men.  Even being treated with the HYDRA variant of serum hadn't changed their physical condition and in fact made most of them violently ill, ultimately killing them.  Those that survived the HYDRA serum were then subjected to the memory suppression process and that had been even more disastrous.  Dr. Zola is livid as he reads over the reports of the failures.

"How can this be?" he rages.  "What is it about these men that they didn't react as they should have to our process?"

The American General who betrayed his countrymen stands there, his eyes on Dr. Zola.  "Why did the serum work on the Soldier?" he asks.  "What was different about him that it did work?"

His question makes the doctor stop in his tracks, and it is like a light turns on in his head.  "Of course, what a dummkopf I was.  He was already dying when I initially began the process on him.  Dying of pneumonia, suffering from traumatic beatings.  His body was on the verge of giving up but after a series of serum injections it healed him before beginning to change him.  Then he was rescued, and it was over a year before we could resume the process.  Perhaps we moved too fast with these others.  Instead, we should perhaps proceed slower."

"It is the long game we are playing, isn't it Doctor?" asks the General.  "There is another American soldier who responded better than all these others with a less traumatic transition.  He is being sent to search for our Soldier and defeat him.  If we can take him and convert him, you would have two Soldiers of equal abilities."

Zola's eyes light up.  "Yes, I would like to see the Winter Soldier in battle against a more worthy adversary."  He turns to the General.  "Have you ever seen the process?  It is most ... interesting."

Zola leads him to where the Soldier has just been removed from the memory suppression treatment.  With a nod to the handler the words are spoken in Russian.  The American General looks with confusion at the handler so the commands are translated into English after the Russian commands are spoken.

"Желание, Ржавый, Семнадца��ь, Рассвет, Печь, Девять, Добросердечный, Возвращение на Родину, Один, Товарный вагон.  Desire, Rusty, Seventeen, Dawn, Furnace, Nine, Kindhearted, Homecoming, One, Boxcar."

They watch the transformation then the handler says one more word with the translation.

"Солдат? Soldier?"

"Я жду приказов," says the Soldier.

The handler smiles and looks at the American General.  "I am ready to comply," he translates.  "The Asset is ready for orders.  If you wish to give them in English, you just tell him.  He has retained his original English language skills.  He also knows several other languages which we can add to depending on the situation."

The Soldier stands there, looking impassively at nothing, waiting to be commanded.  The General and Dr. Zola walk around him, pleased with the physical result.  He has gained height and weight in addition to the great strength the serum has given him.  Even though it took many years to get to this point he is the prototype and they have learned so much about the process that they're sure they can duplicate it at will on the right candidate.

"Send him back to Korea," suggests the General again.  "They are sending that last remaining super soldier to find the others who went missing.  If the Asset can retrieve him and bring him to you all you have to do is brainwash him.  Then we can send him back to the States and he will deal with anyone in the Pentagon we wish to eliminate.  He'll have full clearance to enter the facility."

Zola walks to a display on the wall with the pictures of the other super soldiers who have been taken by the Winter Soldier.  All except one has a red X indicating their demise.

"Soldier," says Zola, in English.  "Come here.  This picture is of a man named Isaiah Bradley.  Remember his name.  You will be sent to a location to be determined and shared with you soon.  Engage him in battle but do not kill him.  He is to be retrieved and brought here to become your brother in arms.  Do you understand?"

"I understand," replies the Soldier in a deep monotone voice.  "I will defeat him but keep him alive for transport here."

Zola looks at the General.  "Where would you like this battle to take place?"

"Right in the American detachment's back yard," he replies, looking at a map of Seoul.  "Here, Goyang.  There's a bar that is frequented by American troops.  Let them see the defeat of their champion at the hands of ours.  It will hurt their morale, make them weaker."

While sharing his real opinion of the American super soldier the name of the bar is given to the Soldier and Zola authorizes a new uniform to be provided, as well as a haircut and shave.  Although his presence is already suspected by the Americans and their allies, this is the Soldier's coming out party and he will need to represent HYDRA in looks as well as abilities.  It will be their greatest moment.

Part 8>>

Series Masterlist

Please reblog if you like this one shot.

[denimbex1986]

'Ever since Oppenheimer came out, there's been a lot of debate around the fact that it doesn't depict the actual bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, despite being set in the context of the creation and development of the weapon that would lay waste to them, the atomic bomb. That's for good reason, of course: the movie is about J. Robert Oppenheimer (Cillian Murphy) himself, with the script even written in first person. So, as Oppenheimer wasn't present at the bombings, it makes no sense to show them, we only get his reaction and interpretation of the facts. But there's a particular moment and line that's way more shocking than any depiction of the bombings could ever be, were they in the movie.

When Oppenheimer meets with military officers and government officials to decide the targets of the bombings, US Secretary of War Henry Stimson (James Remar) mentions that they shouldn't bomb Kyoto, because that's where he and his wife went on their honeymoon. The line creates an intense awkwardness in the room for many reasons, as well as carries a shocking effect on part of the audience. But it didn't reverberate as much as, for example, the absence of the bombings in Japan. That's symptomatic of many things in our current era of movie-going, so let's dig into it.

Christopher Nolan Allowed James Remar To Use the Line

First off, there's no arguing against it, the line itself is indeed shocking, and it's supposed to be. Recently, Oppenheimer writer and director Christopher Nolan revealed that it was improvised by James Remar, who did his own research on the character and found out that Stimson and his wife had indeed honeymooned in Kyoto. Nolan encouraged his cast to do their own research into characters, mainly because the whole script is written in first-person from Oppenheimer's perspective.

Its sprawling cast of renowned and competent actors is one of the main qualities of Oppenheimer, even if they are playing smaller roles. Remar is one of those (immediately identifiable as Dexter's Harry Morgan, for fans of the show), and his work as Secretary Stimson shows how important it is to know and understand a character before playing them. Stimson is a small role, with seconds of screen time in a movie that's three hours long, but has one of the most shocking lines in the whole thing.

So shocking, in fact, that the other actors in the scene didn't know how to react. Originally, the script mentioned Kyoto was to be removed from the bombing list for its cultural significance, but Remar delivers the honeymoon line so casually, it left the rest of the cast speechless. How do you respond to something like that? The movie provides an insightful reflection into the nature of power at the dawn of the nuclear age, and Stimson makes it clear that this kind of destructive power is to be wielded by people who seem to have completely lost touch with their humanity. Only that's not just him, it seems like part of the audience did too, but more on that later.

Stimson’s Line Denounces the Effects of American Hegemony in a Way Most Can’t See

Stimson sparing Kyoto from destruction because of his honeymoon is a perfect example of how this kind of decision is taken by individuals who aren't really the best people to take them. As decorated as he might have been, he narrowed down the cities that would be destroyed because of his own personal memories, and that's no way to ponder the death of hundreds of thousands of people. It takes power to think of this as trivial, and, usually, those who have it are the least fit to wield it.

His perspective is symptomatic of a worldview that puts his own country so above the rest of the world, he's allowed (and maybe even encouraged) to take decisions that can ultimately kill that many people so casually, especially when it comes to the US military and the idea of American exceptionalism. It sure is nice to see someone who loves their country (and yours truly sure loves his, for example), but when one sees oneself that far above, one often loses touch with what it means to kill, for example. Oppenheimer makes it clear that, after Hitler's suicide, Japan's capitulation was a matter of time and the scientists even start to question whether they should continue their research. But they aren't really the people with power; they do have knowledge, but, contrary to popular belief, those two sometimes aren't the same thing. The military has power and sees its country as so above the rest, the world is literally a playground for people like Stimson to take decisions based on personal memories. But how do you weigh someone's life against a show of power?

We don't have to go far to question that and conclude that, ultimately, we have succumbed to this nationalistic way of looking at the world that people like Stimson helped consolidate in favor of the dominant power. All it takes is going to the movies. Hollywood has a long history of struggling with depicting and talking about the nuclear bombings in World War II, it rarely produces movies that openly criticize it like Oppenheimer does. That's why, for example, it's being compared to Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove, because it's the closest reference most people have. When Hollywood manages to use this as inspiration for tragic stories, it needs to build a visual spectacle to go along with it, like in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, and it often makes people completely miss the point of the whole thing.

But even Japanese works on the subject have been incorporated and twisted, or simply downplayed. Grave of the Fireflies, for example, is one of Studio Ghibli's masterpieces, but it's bothersome to think about it when they have so many other heartwarming movies. Even more graphic approaches, like Godzilla (in which the metaphor is pretty clear as the monster being the bomb), have been turned into Hollywood blockbusters, with the Japanese side of it relegated to "the crazy old scientist" who's been traumatized by the monster as Ken Watanabe is in the latest Universal movies.

The Audience Is Losing Its Ability To Watch and Reflect on What They See Onscreen

As of late, especially since the end of the pandemic, going to the movies has been a nightmare (at least in Brazil, where yours truly resides). People now casually talk throughout the whole movie, browse social media, and even take pictures of the big screen. We love to see movie theaters packed again, we really do, but the Barbenheimer phenomenon all but intensified this, because now people want to show they've been to the movies and taken part in this cultural event without bearing in mind that, for example, Oppenheimer is a tragedy that requires a lot of afterthought.

Nowadays, people go to the movies with two things in mind: either to be entertained by impactful imagery or to see what they think to be a reflection of themselves on the screen. Barbie sure provides both, and it's a brilliant movie filled with insightful criticism that some are also failing to see, while Oppenheimer is the opposite. It's a long and dense movie that takes its time and relies solely on dialogue to move forward, making lines like Stimson's extremely important. It's interesting to see people talk about how Oppenheimer doesn't show the actual bombings, for example, but then they don't talk about Stimson's line, because it's what makes it pretty explicit that the movie is criticizing the deed and how the decision was taken based solely on the power it would grant his country afterward.

Dialogue doesn't impact people anymore unless it's meant to create impactful imagery. As Stimson's line doesn't, the audience fails to read what it implies, and it shows how uninterested people are in interpreting what's shown and said on screen. This is indicative of a culture that doesn’t know how to react or even identify proper criticism because people have been so desensitized, they actually lost their ability to feel impacted by words. Who knows, there probably are people who found Stimson's line cute instead of shocking.'

[liaroflesbos]

I honestly feel a little like an asshole listing my favourite things. Like who the fuck am I? But also I want to review and talk about some of the stuff from the year so here it is! I guess it's ended up a list of what's been most impactful rather than my favourite. What's a favourite anyway? Lists in no particular order.

Books

Picnic at Hanging Rock by Joan Lindsay - My brother-in-law has been telling me to read this for like a year+ and all I'd heard about it was this podcast on the movie, so I was like meh. Eventually I guess, since I like my brother-in-law. But the book is so good; it made me realize that I'd never really engaged with Australian fiction in a major way because this is a book About the Australian project of imposing English civilization on a landscape that they haven't fucked into a garden.

Tenth of December by George Saunders - When my book club picked this book for our short story collection I was so annoyed. More literary fiction? I'll read it, I GUESS. But these short stories whipped ass so hard that it made me return to reading other respected fiction that I had dismissed. There were stories I enjoyed reading less than others but all of them have stuck around with me.

The Reformatory by Tananarive Due - My book club actually read her debut, The Between, but I misread which book we were supposed to be. They were meh on her debut but I adored The Reformatory, which is a book that makes you clutch the blankets with anxiety for the characters you honestly like and bare your teeth in anger for our common American past of horrors. I recommend reading her author's note/acknowledgements too.

Our Share of Night by Mariana Enriquez, trans Megan McDowell - Speaking of horror that gripped me by the short hairs, Our Share of Night was a hard read but one I couldn't put down (and lost me sleep cuz I read until 2AM). The slowly unfolding understanding of the horrors that Juan is trying to make sure that Gaspar can escape, and Gaspar's eventual attempts to understand who he is and who his father is in their wake is deeply moving; dark and queer and wrenching. I didn't go in knowing much about Argentinian history, but it had a lot to say on the subject, and I should probably find an Argentinian perspective on the book...

Our Band Could Be Your Life by Michael Azzerad - I did read quite a bit of non-fiction this year, but nothing gave me a deeper and more practical understanding of the world I live in and my own history as Our Band Could Be Your Life. A history of the hard edge punk scene of the 80s, the book taught me about being a musician in general--something I've never thought too hard about before--and about our punk predecessors in particular. Full of people just living, creating, and touring in their communities with love and hate and drugs and straight edge and leftists and nazis and poverty and middle class comfort.

Honorable Mentions to Bury Your Gays by Chuck Tingle, a book that's approaching the fear of AI right to me, and to Water Outlaws by SL Huang. Oh, and Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon! If you ever want to start thinking harder about the 70s...

Film/TV

I Saw the TV Glow (2024) - Have you ever seen a movie and said, "Wow this director is talking directly to me?" Horrifying and sad, and yet despite the tragedy of the end, oddly hopeful--like it's saying, this doesn't have to be you. the world is so hard but if you do what Owen can't then maybe you can break free

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992) - What I've always wanted from Twin Peaks: an unflinching look at the horror of it's original premise. That the weirdness and surreality of the story are sometimes the only way to look into so deep betrayal, so wretched an action. Everything that Sheryl Lee does here is phenomenal.

Paprika (2006) - Honestly I don't hear people quite talk about Paprika with same reverence that they do about some of Kon's other work. Like, "yeah yeah it's his final master work, we got it." But this movie pulls you so deeply into the dream, that it feels like reality could split apart beneath you for an hour when you're done. There is magic in the world--and that's beautiful, and amazing, and dangerous as hell.

The People's Joker (2022) - Personally I don't think you can really engage as a full Batman fan until you've seen Vera Drew's take on the world. I might still be only a small part of the way through my project to do all Batman media ever, but Drew's direct queering of canon, her reinterpretation of Batman as not the center of the goddamn universe, her way of expressing herself through the medium of canon--it feels crucial to any of us fangirls to at least see what she is trying to do.

Love Lies Bleeding (2024) - I Saw the TV Glow might have been speaking to me directly, but Love Lies Bleeding was exactly for me. From the director of Saint Maud, I should've known to expect grotesquerie and horror and yet I was delighted and shocked by their moments in this gay Americana love story. The human body is capable of horrors and of horrors being visited upon, and yet also so hot. The family must be escaped, but escaping it will only draw us deeper into similarity with the ones we hate the most.

Honorable Mentions to Monkey Man (2024), Tar (2022), The Green Knight (2021), House (1977), We Are Lady Parts Season 1, and Twin Peaks: The Return.

[henceforthidothyap]

The Uncanny Counter: Episode 1

Streaming service: Netflix

This show threw so. much. information at me in the first episode that it was hard to keep track of it all. They introduced several characters in several different walks of life and I'm really curious to see how they're all relevant to the plot and for how long.

The trio high school friend group has my whole heart! Their friendship dynamic is so wholesome and just like real friends. Their reactions when So Mun's hair started pinging around was absolutely how my friends would react to seeing my hair do that. (Sidenote, is the wavy hair a side effect of having the Grim Reaper spirit in you?) Ung-Min not wanting to tell So Mun that he's being bullied because he's afraid that their target will switch to him is absolutely heartbreaking but really illustrates how close they all are. So Mun's friendship with Ju-Yeon didn't really get as much screentime, besides when she's teasing him about his 'wet dream,' but it's clear that she cares deeply for both of the boys too. I really hope that this doesn't become a situation where Ju-Yeon's secretly been in love with So Mun forever because I'm guessing that So Mun and Ha-Na are going to have a romantic attachment at some point.

The episode didn't really tell me a whole lot about the noodle crew yet. I found it insane that they just left their restaurant with a bunch of customers in it, but maybe that's the American in me talking, since if someone tried that here they'd come back to the place being absolutely gutted. They really got their collective asses handed to them by that level three demon (which I'm guessing is the strongest level?), which was a little disappointing since they're supposed to be Grim Reapers. So far, it looks like Ha-Na's the psychic of the group since she can read minds and knows when a demon is nearby. I'm guessing that Mo-Tak's power is super strength based on the fact that he literally snapped a knife in half. I have absolutely no clue what Mae-Ok's power is, but it looks like she has a bit of enhanced strength too?

I'll be 100% honest, Cheol-Jung's death didn't really hit me that hard. It was an absolutely brutal way to die (being run through by a piece of I think rebar), but I'd known his character for all of like five minutes. Also, if your team is telling you 'Hey, this dude's dangerous, wait for backup' when they're the ones that just fought him, maybe listen to them? Your arrogance got you killed, dude. Should've waited for backup.

As always, the rich kid that acts like a dick because he doesn't get love at home trope appears in full force. The one good thing about kdramas that doesn't parallel real life is that usually these kids get what's coming to them, so I'm hoping that happens. I don't want them to die, mind you, but maybe get beat up like they were doing to So-Mun and Ung-Min. I have a feeling, since the episode ended with So-Mun accessing what I'm assuming are his Grim Reaper powers, that this will be the case. Again, I'll reiterate how much I love the clear platonic love between these two boys and their desire to protect their friend. I'm also mildly wondering if this rich kid is going to end up as a host of a demon at some point, since he seems plenty violent, full of negative emotions and it's clear he's never been told no before in his life as the mayor's son.

Speaking of the mayor, that dude seems shady as hell. Shredding a report about the radioactivity in your city? BRO. I feel so bad for that guy that lost his daughter to I'm assuming cancer from that radioactivity, and I also don't think that he committed suicide. It's a bit too neat; don't you think? Clearly, that policewoman agrees with me, since she's looking into it even after being ridiculed by her misogynistic pigs of male coworkers. I'm guessing that the policemen are in the pocket of the mayor and are dirty.

Predictions:

Rich boy becomes a host for a demon

Policemen are in the pocket of the mayor, who's shady as hell, and the policewoman is trying to clean everything up and get to the bottom of the corruption

So-Mun's Grim Reaper power is also super strength, which is a bit disappointing given that there's already someone with that power

The show keeps going, so obviously he changes his mind and decides to join the noodle crew. I'm thinking that being able to protect his friend is the turning point for this decision.

The demon that's wandering around killing people is working for the mayor in exchange for something. The demon just happened to kill the guy that was staging a one-man protest outside city hall and that was publishing things about the city's radioactivity? Come on.

Episode Rating: 9.5/10. I'm very interested to see where this goes. The plot seems solid, and I like the main character a lot so far. It loses half a point for the very petty reason of the cliche of put-down policewoman vs. sus but powerful mayor.

[monstermaster13]

Wow, someone give this penis-headed moron a dictionary so they can look up what hypocrisy means. You're complaining about Nathan's opinion in which he stated he clearly did like the piece but was put off by it by a fucking suit trigger of all things? You are such a Karen. I suppose you are going to complain to the manager about that, aren't you? Oh really, my rants get the attention of the search results every day, huh? And who the hell is doing that? Your friends, your watchers, the artist who did that picture? Or is it you? Yes, you admit that you see my rants pop up in the search engine so clearly you must be stalking me. Look I don't need another creepy stalker, I have plenty already. Also oh how I wish I was that lucky to have more than 10,000 people watching me or Nathan's account. 100,000 or more view counts? Oh how I wish I had that much oh well, I guess Nathan will have settle for the 'measely' 479.9K pageviews he actually has then. By the way that was sarcasm.

Look I don't hate all transformation content, I just don't like unhappy transformations and also weight gain that fetishizes someone for being fat and also stereotypes and clowns among other things, I don't like MC, which unfortunately the majority of character TFs and some animal TFs do have in them, and I wish they didn't. If I want to be a character I like, can't I at least keep my own personality and memories? Oh and maybe you should have followed your own advice and kept your shit-takes to yourself because you aren't very convincing. Oh I contribute alright, I do things other than this show you know, I am part of the same hero team as Mel and Nathan and I go on adventures with them, I even teamed up with Corey and Oats more than once, I do positive reviews too, it's just my producers sometimes get sadistic moods and make me suffer through shit like what that phoenix always does. I get nice stuff to review sometimes, but nobody ever pays attention to them. Also, the 'keep opinions to yourself' mentality needs to die because I am sick of it, look I don't like those Pokemon TF stories that have 'oh you can't talk in English only Poke-speak' because it makes me want to scream at the authors 'HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF MYSTERY DUNGEON BEFORE OR AT ALL?' and I don't like some Pokemon TFs that have the slavery allegory and I don't like the 'humans are evil' trope, look almost every environmental special since the 80s has done that and it is really annoying. I don't like world domination as a cliche because it is overdone and also flawed, let's just say there are some monsters who have had some serious flaws in their domination plans (e.g if you're a monster in a scenario based on American politics, wouldn't you essentially just be taking over America instead of the entire world in general because other countries have different politicial systems). If you cannot handle an opinion maybe you should go back to crying yourself to sleep. If you're saying all reviews of something need to be positive or contribute in anyway, you are an idiot. Imagine if someone gave an overly positive review of some of the worst movies ever made, ones so bad they didn't even get one single Golden Raspberry award, if that happened i'd be thinking that this is a Twilight Zone episode or something or that i'm on another planet. Not every review has to be positive, if you don't like something that is fine, everyone has the right to their opinion and that includes me. Look I got death-threats from members of the Changed fanbase just because I did not like that game, Mel got berated just because she said she doesn't like Skyrim or Fire Emblem by someone who claimed he 'understood' opinions only to bitch about her to his friends, i've been though that it all.

[darklight572]

Its Not That Complicated.

The israeli state are "Zionists", which is a nationalist ideology that seeks to fold palestine into the isarel as practically 'god-given'. When a country funds isarel they are funding zionist and colonialist genocide. A lot of people would protest at the word "genocide", would argue that Hamas is hiding behind people, but... if you look back at the examples of media of characters who are supposed to represent whats right, you'd see a lotta' people refusing to kill BECAUSE of the human shields.

Human shields are only effective if the people shooting care about the people on the other side. If they didn't, you'd just be wasting potential supporters. Obviously the IDF doesn't care about the people on the other side of the shields, or at least, their actions are not consistent with such "care". Why the hell would Hamas waste so many resources on a strategy that doesn't work? If they're capable of going toe to toe with Isarel?? Whose being funded by the United States??? How would they still exist if they used strategies that don't work?

They wouldn't. And they aren't. Hamas is not, by the large, hiding behind every destroyed building and elderly in Palestine. The whole "hiding behind human shields" excuse is simply state propaganda. Come on fuckin Americans you should be able to SEE this shit? When George Floyd fucking died y'all knew that the "he was resisting" and "he didn't die because of we were kneeling on his neck" were fucking BULLSHIT, obviously, we had proof! And fucking look, we have PROOF. Several times Isarel has lied about having information that told them Hamas was sitting in a target they bombed.

EVEN IF you bought the whole "hamas is hiding behind human shields" excuse as valid, you can see the IDF evidently not giving a shit. However, and this is important, ITS BULLSHIT. Even if Hamas were hiding behind "human shields" that would not give you justification to fucking murder the shields. The whole point is that you don't kill the innocent people dragged into this. But- well, you see this excuse less and less. Instead you argue, "every person in palestine is hamas, every worker and child."

That gives the whole game away huh? Its really fucking sad to say this, but it has to be said, you wanna know who else claimed that? Fucking Nazi's. And the United States when it wanted to justify blowing up countries it wanted to exploit. Lets just be honest, if you support Isarel you think the palestian people don't matter. You think their lives are worth less than Isarel having their "holy land". Just fucking say it plain.

I know my usual style is more organized and usually more about animation and stuff, but I cannot be silent about this. To be silent is to be complicit. I don't have a massive following, but it seems there are a few people who read my posts. Speak up. Even if its just on facebook, or instagram, or tumblr- every post you make plants a seed. Maybe someone starts doing research just to prove you wrong, and then they figure out "oh shit, i was wrong." Or maybe they already saw the videos and would rather not choose a side. EVERY. POST. MATTERS. Its okay if too scared to protest, frightened of the police coming and arresting you, its okay if you don't have the support of other folks around you. Thats what the internet can be used for. FREE PALESTINE!

[maryellencarter]

so apparently having a new lupin thing i am distinctly enjoying (lupin zero) is what it took to get me around to watching the lupin thing i had not seen yet that i really hadn't heard anything positive about (part 6, not counting "the times" which i have already seen and loved the hell out of, but have not managed to watch since july because... you know)

thoughts so far, as of finishing episode 7 (i'm watching the subs then the dub for each episode, which helps me follow details better but definitely takes longer):

* wow. so you know how i like to say about part 5 that, love it or hate it, that is a piece of media that knew exactly what it wanted to do and went for it? this is the opposite. the only episode so far that seemed to have an actual goal in mind is the one where the goal was "i am going to retell an ernest hemingway story, and also insert into the dialogue the titles of every other hemingway story in the same collection", which sure did do what it set out to do, but was it a thing worth setting out to do?

...well, given that i am told the guest writers for each non-main-plot episode in the first half were all instructed "you must base your episode on a specific piece of crime fiction", i have to admit that playing the world's most pretentious version of the game where you try to write a paragraph without any E's in it was... probably the most Mamoru Oshii possible way of complying with a stupid requirement, and definitely hewed closer to the spirit of the rule than the one where NPCs with names relevant to Ellery Queen did fuck-all of importance.

episode by episode:

* "enter sherlock holmes". in which sherlock holmes looks a great deal like somebody tried to make a 2D version of first!jigen and failed to grasp why first!jigen is sexy. also in the english version all the brits are dubbed by american-sounding americans, which is the most auditorily disorienting version of sherlock holmes i have heard (although i must admit i never did get around to watching the veggietales version, but if there's one thing the veggietales guys have demonstrated their commitment to doing from day one, it's accents... and now I'm humming "oh no, what we gonna do")

where the fuck was i? right. so albert gets worfed to demonstrate that holmes is a badass. why on earth albert would be doing spy work personally in a country where he *doesn't* have millions i've strings to pull, i have no fucking idea. also him going straight to "shoot myself in the head with my last bullet" as an exit strategy compares really badly to the bit in part 5 which... either it was supposed to mirror this, or somebody just failed to do their research, but that moment near the end of part 5 where jigen's on the run alone, down to his last bullet, there are multiple guys about to come around the corner and capture or kill him, and then albert rescues him.

and yeah, that's a moment where you have to wonder if it crossed jigen's mind to use his last bullet for himself instead of going down fighting a hopeless fight, but jigen has never been someone who -- i can't recall a single moment in 53 years that we've seen him actively ready to die. he does plenty of self-destructive shit, but even when a fight can't logically be won, he keeps fighting, even if all he can do is run his mouth. having albert jump straight to suicide in a scene that *has* to be a callback... it doesn't feel right thematically and it doesn't speak to a great understanding of albert as a character (such as he's been so far).

oh yeah, also there was the intial setup for the antagonist secret society "the raven", whose mysterious hooded executioner blew up a guy in protective custody in scotland yard. they weren't terribly impressive. even though i haven't actually seen twcfm, only read spoilers, i feel like a creepy bird-themed secret society is maybe something you're not gonna beat that show on using well?

* "detective and crook". in which jigen and goemon also get worfed to further prove that holmes is a badass. jeez, guys, just give him purple eyes and lavender hair already, huh? lupin also continues his mary-poppins-esque habit of never explaining anything. we do get jigen riding on the back of fujiko's motorcycle, which is a rarity (and keeping his hands where they belong, as opposed to Lupin). fujiko sticks a scroll of paper down her cleavage a la first contact, so that the camera can zoom in on it for maximum jiggle physics opportunity. and lupin blows up a whole-ass demolition site full of cops including zenigata and yata -- none of whom get hurt, but *wow*, that's a life choice.

* "adventure along the (replica) transcontinental railroad". in which lupin wears the biggest turban you ever saw, npcs with ellery queen names do nothing much, fujiko gets whole-ass tied to railroad tracks dudley do-right style and nearly beheaded, jigen and goemon ride a bicycle built for two and also pretend to be cosplaying as themselves in order to throw zenigata off the scent (in the dub, goemon suggests that zenigata page lupin to the front desk like a lost child, which is delightfully goemon), and jigen gets to do some fancy trick shooting that i still don't understand after seeing it twice in order to flip a railway switch and send the runaway train onto a siding. he shot a streetlight and something flew out and somehow that made the switch do the thing?

* "the killers in the diner". in which mamoru oshii plays silly buggers with hemingway titles, lupin and jigen in disguise are voiced by other actors until they're revealed (which has barely ever happened... in the english dub at least, i can think of *one* time a disguised lupin was voiced by lex lang for a scene, that's it), fujiko appears to be disguised as an extremely depressed pippi longstocking for reasons that are never explained, and a bunch of japanese people get to take a fairly reasonable stab at pronouncing "dulles". also it's established that fujiko is bad at cooking, which i think might have been fanon previously but i can't think of anywhere else it was actually established.

* "the imperial city dreams of thieves". a two-parter in which lupin gets dropped into a world based on the works of japanese mystery author edogawa ranpo (this was a pen name based on the name "edgar allan poe"). it's pretty solidly paced for the most part, which is not something you can really count on part 6 for so far, but it's also... well.

so. it's a story set in the late 1920s, about a giant mysterious golden clock/orrery from mongolia, guarded by the heirs of genghis khan, one of whom decides that entrusting it to a young female japanese "explorer" (visually coded very much like the white egyptologists of the era, similarly dedicated to bringing back other cultures' precious artifacts for display, and treated as an unquestionably virtuous character) is obviously the wise and correct choice to keep it out of harm's way -- the youthful guardian of the device accompanying the explorer back to japan as a bodyguard and servant, as well as continuing to guard the clock.

the japanese imperial army, who (the episode does not explain) are most of the reason there's all this war and unrest on the mainland that make the clock's guardian decide it's better off in civilized japan (okay the episode *all but* says the civilized part out loud)... where was i? right. the japanese imperial army, who are busy conquering mainland countries in the whole pan-asian empire thing they did in the run-up to world war ii (christ, it's been forever since i studied that part of history... if i recall, their selling point was "asia for the asiatics", as in they wanted white people out, but in practice they wanted to rule all of asia themselves, so it was more like "asia for the japanese empire") -- the japanese imperial army want the clock in order to give it to a puppet dictator they'll install in mongolia. our young explorer, who is the daughter of a powerful... department store conglomerate?... look, i'm sure it packs some kind of an emotional punch in japanese, but now i'm just cracking myself up imagining the heiress of like woolworth's or sears roebuck facing off against the fbi.

anyway. as i was saying. our young heroine declines to give away the clock, as having it on display at her family's department store is clearly the best place for the cultural artifact that determines rulership of mongolia. (i'm being sarcastic. the episode isn't.) kidnapping and shenanigans ensue.

also, as you would expect from an alternate universe story, there are characters who look exactly like the lupin crew. lupin is put into the role of "golden mask", a phantom thief edogawa ranpo created based on that most popular of phantom thieves, arsène lupin (the first). fujiko becomes "black lizard", a femme fatale originally working with the villain and face of the japanese army -- i think the villain's name is daidouji, but i think leia also picked that out for one of jigen's aliases in one of our stories, so either she has something she could explain to me or that's a very confusing coincidence.

goemon, it will turn out, is also his real-world self along with lupin -- i'll get there in a minute. zenigata is a fictional (secondary-fictional) police inspector with a slightly different name and an almost identical hat. and jigen... jigen is one of the factors that make this episode what you might call, on the internet, Problematic.

so. the villain is a very large japanese army guy named colonel daidouji. his ever-present shadow and sidekick is a very, very familiar-looking major whose name is not initially given, and who very nearly manages to put a bullet in lupin on first meeting him.

now, jigen's au version being evil, y'know, it's a hard sell, it's not impossible that i'd buy it if it was done right, but the thing is that you never have to buy it. tv shows have this need to make au versions of the heroes always still have some kind of heroic core. the really steep issue comes with what kind of a hero he turns out to be.

the character who looks like jigen is eventually revealed to be a character named major yoshiaki hongo from the works of a writer named minetaro yamanaka (whose first google result for me is, uh, the wikipedia article on antisemitism in japan, that's... probably not irrelevant to my point here?). major hongo, at least as described in the episode, is a badass soldier who goes undercover to root out corruption, which is all very well and good... except for the part where his little speech about who he is and what he's doing here, in both languages, leads with "fighting for the liberation of asia". aka, as we discussed, conquering it for the japanese empire.

which, together with the whole misappropriating cultural treasures with the enthusiastic cooperation and servitude of their native owners arc... really, really makes one wonder about many choices that were made.

(oh yeah, it turns out the whole thing is a virtual reality mindfuck, major hongo's badassful hero reveal moment is basically the last thing that happens before everybody explodes into pixels except lupin and goemon, it turns out somebody was trying to get a passcode to lupin's hideout, which they failed at because he was just that smart, but also a couple of shots at the end of the episode imply that everything did actually happen for real somehow. that part is confusing and rushed. the loving morals about cultural artifacts and the liberation of asia from non-japanese rule take precedence.)

(okay, major hongo had a faceoff with goemon who cut a notch in his cap brim so you could see one of his eyes, that was a *very* cool bit of visual design that you could never do with proper jigen because he would murder you for slicing his hat. and then goemon toppled dramatically off a bridge because he is the biggest drama queen in the entire cast and we're talking *including lupin iii*.)

like. i grew up on (western) fiction from this era and earlier. the part where i notice or mind the imperialism is aftermarket. i can, if i try, shut it off and enjoy the show. but, like writing an episode composed largely of ernest hemingway references... is that a goal worth having? especially in a worldwide political climate like this where it's very beneficial to notice the overton window shifting before it slams shut on your damn fingers.

* "an untold tale". in which zenigata is summarily slandered by both lupin and the writers. lupin deduces that the zenigata he's working with is actually sherlock holmes in disguise based on the premise that zenigata is not someone who does things like... run headlong into danger? selflessly protect innocent bystanders? kick ass? stick to a trail?... and is instead someone who, while having a solid idea of lupin's next destination, goes and gets blackout drunk and passes out in a bar instead of staking it out or at least yelling "LUPIN" a lot in the general vicinity.

i guess there's also plot, supposedly. this consists of lupin explaining his movements at a certain time, clearly and in order, over a flashback that agrees with his description. No unreliable narrator in sight. No evading every question like it's "give Jigen rubber bullets and practice dodging" day at the hideout. Just reading pages of boring exposition while being ineffectually shot at by a Colonel Sebastian Moran wielding one of the clunkiest air-guns I've ever seen the man burdened with.

(I haven't gotten around to watching the dub of this last-named episode yet, but I hear that somebody majorly failed at googling, overcommitted to "all R's in the Japanese must become L's in English", and created the character of Colonel Sebastian *Molan*. I'm not sure I'm gonna have spoons for that one for a bit.)

[spicy-raddish]

So, in my last post I said that I literally hated Japan Sinks 2020, but that I was scared to voice my problems with it, from a writing standpoint, due to so many people genuinely liking the show. It seems I'm not alone at all. A lot of people encouraged me to make this post, so, here we go...

(This is going to be a long one)

Everything Wrong With: Japan Sinks 2020 (and it's a lot):

this post contains spoilers, obviously.

The music doesn't fit the mood of the show, like, at all. Don't get me wrong, the music is actually good, a lot of it is in my study playlist now, but it absolutely doesn't fit the scenes that accompany it. e.g. the dad gets literally blown up by a ww2 bomb leaving only his severed hand behind *happy music intensifies* this just cheapens the entire scene and removes any tiny fragment of emotional response to what you're being shown. And this happens all the time.

The animation... The backgrounds and general scenery look absolutely stunning, but the characters look genuinely awful. At times, I would be legitimately crying whilst watching a scene, not out of sadness, but out of laughter at just how bad the characters look. Extremely lazy drawing, and if the character isn't the one talking, they just freeze their animation for minutes at a time, not even making them blink or move slightly, just... frozen there.

Go and his constant use of cringy Engrish. I get it, he's half filipino and he looks up to an English-speaking YouTuber. But he goes into this broken English way too frequently, and again, it doesn't match the tone of what's happening.

How did Mari survive the first tsunami? Also, why didn't we get to see the first tsunami? Or the plane crash-landing in the bay and hitting the bridge? Why do we never actually get to see these large-scale events that are supposedly impacting our characters? Also, if Mari supposedly was in a plane crash, then ended up in the river where a tsunami hit, and she somehow managed to swim out of the river during a tsunami, how does she then have the energy and strength to walk all the way through the city to the shrine, and doesn't even seem out of breath? Also, if Ayumu was in that changing room which resulted in people being literally severed in half, how is her phone not even smashed? Cracked a lil? No?

THE POLAROIDS. I actually turned the show off the second time Mari pulled her camera out for a group photo, and I had to force myself to go back and finish it. Why on earth do the characters keep insisting on taking these chipper polaroids like the literal apocalypse isn't happening around them? Is Mari emotionally stunted? I don't understand. Is it supposed to be making some kind of point? I don't understand...

The characters seem to have zero reaction to awful events happening around them, or they comment on it and move on immediately.

Random magical cult city growing serious amounts of weed... Literally everything that happens there is just awful writing. So far, everything that has happened has been a natural disaster, and they explain them as being due to the tectonic plate movements. So we're supposed to be believing all of this as possible. Explainable natural events. You can't build a world around this and then suddenly introduce magic out of the blue. Not to mention, what even happened in the end? Did 'Mother' reincarnate herself? How? Why?

The weird nightclub scene and the pensioner sex scene are both two scenes I could do without.

The weird trickster guy who keeps pulling fake eyes/ears/noses out of nowhere. Again, he ruins the tone of the show. Not only that, continuity just doesn't exist with him. He says he's from England, but speaks English with an American accent. And then he says he grew up in Yugoslavia. Like, which one is it sweetie?

Why is this old man just randomly addicted to morphine?

You can't expect the audience to have a legitimate emotional response to character deaths if you introduce and kill off new characters so frequently, whilst simultaneously not really telling us anything about them that would cause us to care that they're gone.

Huh, what do you know, episode 8 was actually kind of good-ish, and the only reason it was good was because we were left with only two characters, the characters we've known right from the start, meaning we have at least some reason to care about them. And there's none of the random happy music. And Go keeps his Engrish to a minimum. And neither of them dies in a freak accident that gives the animators reason to show more body horror out of nowhere for shock value.

THE RAP BATTLE. At this point, I genuinely thought that this show had to be satirical. Like, there is just no way this is supposed to be a serious show. Again, the tone is non-existant now. For some reason this show likes to be really self-deprecating towards Japan at every available opportunity and they just went full speed with this rap battle. Like, I get that maybe the writers thought, oh, we've been showing a lot of bleak scenes, let's give some comedic relief. But that only works if you haven't had happy music blaring this entire time, combined with hilariously out-of-place English phrases and the weird Yugo-Brit-American guy with fake eyes, etc. That only works if this was a serious show to begin with.

I'm making a separate point just for the godawful animation during Kite's weather balloon scene. Jesus Christ.

The fact that they built a new mini-Japan/Tokyo for the surviving Japanese people, knowing full-well that Japan is going to re-emerge at some point, thus destroying this new island and killing its inhabitants in the process.

We're supposed to believe that nobody, not one nation, tried to claim the area that Japan was once in for themselves, supposedly as a good will to the Japanese people, even though it would be a prime location for fishing, etc. And there's definitely not enough Japanese people left to try and contest it.

I forgot to mention the fact that the intro doesn't match the show either.

There is a consistent issue with the show not understanding the tone it's supposed to be having. Combining the happy intro, happy music throughout, characters' lack of response to what's happening around them, laughable animation and random "comedy relief" aspects like the foreigner and the rap battle, you're left with a show that is unable to make you feel the way it wants you to feel. It seems like a joke, you want to see it as satirical, but the show continues to act like these events should be taken seriously. Now, I've seen anime that does this kind of thing before, having the tone of one genre whilst actually being another, but in a good way. An example would be Gakkou Gurashi (School Live). But Japan Sinks 2020 seems to do this unintentionally. It's just... Funny. I don't think I cared that a single character died. And that, in itself, is sadder than the entire show.

If you've made it through this post, congratulations. As someone who is both a writer and a fan of apocalyptic/natural disaster fiction, this show hit a nerve and I needed to speak out about it. Especially since I'm seeing it be praised so much online!

[sleeplessandstubborn]

Emily in Paris episode 4, or how I never got that thing about peanut butter

It's been a long time since I had revisited Miss Cooper's adventures in Paris, and many of you are over it anyway, but I was asked to go on with this so, why not? For that I had to rewatch again episode 4 and be reminded of one of its better characters/reasons to watch/whatever you want to call her. Camille. Oh I love Camille. Just like I love Sylvie. It's harsh, when in a series your least favourite character is the main one. Isn't it? but let's take a look to episode 4.

At the beginning of this episode we find our heroine trying to communicate with a very mysantropic flower seller. As we discover few minutes later, it's not that she's hostile with Emily and wants to give her a bouquet of wilting roses because she's a bubbly American but because she hates humanity. This last part is relatable but it's not good to have a job when you have to confront it constantly. Calm down Madame.

Fortunately a young, gentle Frenchwoman shows up and comes to Emily's rescue, not in a shining armour but with a smile the size of Jupiter. Evil flower seller is defeated and Emily walks away with this charming stranger and a perfect rose bouquet. Our new character's name is Camille, and she speaks good English because she watched a lot of series in her childhood. That's why we Spaniards are legendary bad at speaking other languages I guess. Everything is dubbed! Including this episode when I rewatched it. Not a copy in the original language available right now for me. Disappointing, I know.

Camille also invites Emily to the art gallery where she works at and where a famous hotelier is supposed to show up, along with other people from Chicago. Emily is a fan - its a bit weird to be fan of a hotelier, but who am I to judge - , definitely, and wants to meet him. It's also a good professional occasion, probably. The two girls part ways after accidentaly kissing on the mouth. Emily apologizes. Camille is not sorry at all and disappears from scene, big shining smile and all. We agree and are not sorry at all.

Back at home she finds the packages she was expecting from home have finally arrived. Gabriel helps up to take all that stuff inside her apartment. Unfortunately for her, the peanut butter exploded and has made a mess of what looks like a pile of magazines and the framed photo with her ex. Gabriel makes that unmistakable face. Peanut butter? Yours truly, having spent her childhood and teenagehood watching movies and series from the other side of the Atlantic, always wondered what was that thing. When finally tried it it was... so weird. Maybe it was the brand, maybe it was the concept. Who really knows. Whatever, let's go on.

(Yes, he makes that face, the face of a puzzled European I meant).

Also, I am sure Emily can find that thing in Paris, too. I live in a not very big town in Southern Spain and that thing can be found in our supermarkets. So why not in Paris? Big question that the series doesn't answer, tho, because Gabriel proceeds to ruin peanut butter forever with a simple omelette. Well done, Gabriel. But it's time to go to the office, isn't it?

So here we are, with Antoine and Sylvie clearly in the middle of an argument. While claiming she hopes she's not interrupting, Emily does interrupt the scene. Remember that thing from the last chapter when she claimed she had given up in her quest of being universally liked and/or being friends with everyone including her boss? Yeah, nevermind, that's in the past, it no longer matters. Emily tries to mediate and says Randy Zimmer (that's the hotelier's name) is overjoyed to hear Antoine's company is creating an exclusive scent for his hotels.

Sylvie goes on with Emily's lie, even if we can see she's not happy and later states - while throwing the bouquet or roses she just gave her as a "happy Tuesday" present on her desk - that she doesn't need to be rescued, and she doesn't want to take credit for ideas she doesn't know if she really likes. Sylvie is always the voice of reason and adulthood here. She teases her about the lingerie thing, tho. Emily claims her new friend Gabriel gave it to her.

I don't know about Sylvie, but Luc and Julien clearly don't believe that last bit, as they say clearly to Emily over the lunch. This is a dysfunctional workplace, she complains. Hey, smart girl, you are causing all the drama, Julien answers. His mood during the entire scene is exasperated. They tell her how Antoine and Sylvie became lovers in the first place, and warn her not to come between them. I don't think Emily has that intention.

Later that same day, Mindy is full of chaotic energy. Who cares if Antoine is married and with an official misstress? Why is Emily so disperate about becoming friends with Sylvie - yeah, Mindy, why, many of us are questioning that part of Emily's behaviour - why don't just enjoy Antoine's attention? What's more, why doesn't Emily introduce her to Antoine, since she doesn't care about what's her name? Is Mindy shipping Emily and Camille? Yes, she's one of us.

Our favourite French girl is there and warmly welcomes Emily, introducing her to Randy Zimmer who, clearly, goes to the same hairdresser than Antoine. No, really, I have certain difficulties to make the difference between the two, if Randy was wearing a suit with a tie I couldn't tell. As Camille and her fabulous bun walk away, Emily behaves like a dork with Randy. She has memorized his interviews and all. Is a bit awkward, but who am I to judge about memorizing completely irrelevant things in interviews. Randy goes from feeling a bit awkward to intrigued to totes wanting her card and finding her proposition interesting. By the way I really liked these paintings.

Randy shows up the next day at Savoir, and after smelling fragances all they agree they could go on talking about the deal with Randy's hotel empire over a good dinner. Sylvie decides to put again our heroine in difficulties by asking for an impossible reservation. By the way, I love her outfit. Sylvie, not Emily's. As she tries to do her best, Emily confronts Antoine over the lingerie thing. She clearly says it's inappropriate which is a thing I can agree with, he says he bought it for her not for him (eeeeh... are you all right?)

Even in front of the restaurant Sylvie is esceptical Emily really succeeded in her mission of doing that reservation. As usual, she's right. Emily got the dates backwards and made a reservation for November, not August. It should have been easy to find that bit of information online, as most of the world follows another datation system. Fortunately Emily lights the Gabrielsignal on and he comes to her rescue again.

The dinner is, as expected, a success, since we are in the last minutes of the episode a.k.a. in the Emily is saved time. There's a deal, Antoine is very happy with Savoir AND Sylvie. Even the latter makes a compliment to our heroine as they leave after the dinner. Less enthusiast individuals would have felt overjoyed in her place, so it's not strange that Emily decides to thank Gabriel for saving her ass, even if it's with another part of her body, that's is, her lips. Gabriel doesn't seem to object to this.

But, oh surprise in this Paris that is like "a little town" (ok... series... I am rolling my eyes at you again) a she goes out of the restaurant she bumps into our dear Camille, all smiles and charm. It turns out that she is Gabriel girlfriend. Ouch. This could be solved with a civilized chat and our three characters, that, we are about to find in the next chapters, get along together, being happy with this situation and riding into the sunset while enjoying themselves. Yeah, the three of them. Writers, unfortunately, have decided otherwise. But that's another story and will be told in another post.

[mindibindi]

I like the ep. Good acting, writing etc. A good villain, Skinner is good and there are some good M/S fights, intermixed with their usual disregard for e/o's personal space. I love the "I wouldn't change a day" scene (Scully's last line in particular) but obviously disagree intensely with that ^^^ aspect of it. I think most MSR fans do. Certainly the show went on to prove that Mulder's indisputable soulmate is Scully (in this life and any other). At this stage, the writers were still denying the importance of that central relationship though.

More importantly, there are major holes in Mulder's past life regression session, even if Melissa's IS real which is not necessarily established either. Scully makes some pretty good points as to her unreliability but Mulder's supposed pastlife narrative is even more unreliable. His session comes only AFTER he's listened to Melissa's, indicating he may have been prompted by hearing all of her stories and just *wanting* to believe. Interview 101, as Scully points out in "Syzygy", is to interview subjects separately so you can tell if there are any inconsistencies. Someone pointed out years ago that Mulder mentions CSM appearing in a pastlife in WW2 but that character would actually have been alive at the time, even if he was a baby sucking on his first smoke. Also if he's a German woman why is he talking in English, in an American accent? People criticised DD's acting at the time, which is fair. But ALSO the lack of change in Mulder's voice and mannerisms can be taken as a sign that his testimony is unreliable. Melissa's voice and mannerisms change dramatically with each life/personality she inhabits. All we get from Mulder is a slight Southern twang towards the end. The out of universe answer to this discrepancy is that Kristen Kloke (?? actress playing Melissa) is a better actor than DD, but the in universe answer is that Mulder is weaving a tale of lost but enduring love that he wants to believe. This is very much consistent with Mulder's character and the source of his quest (the loss of Samantha). He is a man in search of that ONE person who will provide meaning, healing and completion. BUT keep in mind that "The Red and the Black" also later questions the legitimacy of Mulder's, Scully's and Jeffrey Spender's regression memories, and they are from THIS lifetime so.

Last of all, let's say there is some legitimacy to Mulder's regression memories. (He couldn't tell them where the bunkers were any more than Melissa/Sarah could, which also speaks to their unreliability, but whatevs). Scully was still present in all of Mulder's past lives, whether they were real or fabricated, so she is definitely in his circle of most loved ones. Maybe she was his sister sometimes or his mother sometimes (she sort of acts as both in their current lifetime). My personal headcanon for the Civil War lifetime is that Sarah and Sullivan grew up together. They were childhood sweethearts, even tho he was a little strange and sensitive. He was quiet and brooding and she sort of protected him from society a bit. They got engaged in their late teens because that's what you did. She might have known he was gay or maybe she just thought he was different. When the war starts up, Sullivan enlists like every other good southern boy, even if part of him really just wants to run away from society, from convention, from his engagement to Sarah. He loves her but he knows that love doesn't fulfill him the way it seems to do other men. He starts to understand why when he meets his sergeant. He admires him from afar for a while, distinguishes himself in battle, even as he starts to lose faith in the South's cause. Sullivan and his sergeant share intense experiences, save each other's lives, build a silent trust. In time, they become lovers. Sullivan wants to desert because he knows he's fighting on the wrong side but he can't leave his sergeant who feels bound by his duty to his men. They spend the night before that final battle together in the sergeant's tent. The South is on its knees and they both know they may die the next day. In the heat of battle, Sullivan sees his soulmate go down first. He knows they have lost the battle, the South has/will lose the war and he has nothing left to live for. He commits suicide via Yankee, his childhood friend Sarah finding him wounded before he dies in that bloody field. She tells him she loves him because she does (altho who knows, maybe she's started to fall in love with a hot nurse...). Point is, the white het dudes on TXF writing staff tried to imply that, in that lifetime, Mulder and Scully were fellow soldiers and nothing more because what more could *possibly* exist between two MEN?? Bullshit. Sullivan Biddle was super gay, he ran off to a sucky war cos he was in a gay panic, he fell in love with his brave and gorgeous compatriot, they had lots of gay tent sex then died together, hoping that in the future they'd be able to live their love out in the open, ideally in a slavery-free world. (We're not there yet but 🤞).

THE END.

“The field where I died” was a good episode, but one thing bugged me . Which was that it eluded to Mulder and Melissa (not Scully’s sister) being eternal soulmates and that Scully always was there to but as other people.

Now maybe it’s the romantic in me but I just think Scully and Mulder are the real soulmates and that if there was really such thing as past lives, they would be together forever.

Did anybody else have this issue? Just curious.