#maybe don’t find a Weird Mormon

[funeralpotatoesorbust]

I think it’s funny when the “Mormonism is a cult” crowd finds my blog

Sorry friends, you have stumbled into the Weird Mormon Zone

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 6

Post Shrimp Jump Conspiracy Board Special

Hey y’all! Welcome back to Seacaster Manor where the shrimp party is still raging and the Bad Kids are balancing being cooler than ever with some serious sleuthing. We get a lot of new information this episode so I wanted to try out a new format for this week. I often talk in a metaphorical way about putting items up on a Conspiracy Board but I want to actually try that now that we’re a little over a quarter of the way in and have multiple overarching things happening. This is going to be a lot less linear than usual but bear with me. Gotta shake things up a little so I don’t get burnt out! There’s still fourteen more episodes to go! 

The Rat Grinders

The Bad Kids’ de facto rival party got a lot of screen time in this episode, which makes sense: Adaine declared the party their nemeses over Goldenhoard or anyone else they’ve fought, which is saying a lot. Before this point, we knew the following facts about them:

1) They got their name because the only enemies they’re recorded as killing are low level ones (including rats) that they grind in the woods behind the school, showing a willingness to follow the letter but not spirit of the rules but also an impressive amount of dedication. 

2) Their leader seems to be rogue, Kipperlily Copperkettle who is type A as hell and has a LOT of free time to kill having found the rogue professor (or at least having the rogue professor find her). She’s running for class president on a platform based around “fairness” which is a theme that’s come up more than once this season. 

3) Also on the team are emo Bard Reuben (who seems to be related to the new Artificing teacher and who shares an agent with Fig) and nonplussed Barbarian Mary Ann (who is buffing herself magically somehow).

4) Kipperlily specifically asked about where Kristen was able to create a new god. Now how, where. An odd question. 

This episode, we learned a lot more, so let's throw them on the board and make some connections!

5) The Rat Grinders have a new cleric named Buddy Dawn (something Kristen’s brother mentioned two episodes ago). He’s from Highcourt and moved with his grandparents. He’s got super Mormon+Southern “Bless Your Heart” energy and Kristen doesn’t like how familiar it feels. His vibes are clocked as well meaning but kinda judgey. 

6) Buddy Dawn was *specifically requested* by the party. Of course, requesting a cleric isn’t weird–why wouldn’t you want one? And Helioism seems a pretty common religion in the region so odds are good that if you get a cleric is would be a Helioic one. But, paired with KP’s question about Kristen, it makes you wonder if the plan is to recruit a Kristen expy and try to get lightning to strike twice.  

7) At the beer pong table, we meet the RG’s archer who is an elf named Ivy Embra. She’s got some flirty, catty energy (which we see when she interacts with Fabian and Mazey respectively).

8) We also meet the party wizard, Oisin Hakinvar, who is a Conjuration specialist with a focus in summoning. He’s a blue dragonborn which means that he has a great great great (etc) blue dragon ancestor he can ping when he needs barrels of diamonds, no problem. He has so many in fact that when Adaine lies badly that she’s also swimming in diamonds, he kindly offers to let her borrow some of his “extras”. But she turns them down, calls him great, and then panics and runs away to commiserate with Fabian who is also panicking about a flirty moment with Ivy. Oisin, for his part, seems driven to distraction and can’t make a single other shot all night. Cute! But–

9) As much as I want to wholeheartedly love Oisin (and honestly do and will until I am given direct evidence to change my mind) I have to point out that KVX, known evil bank, did change its logo from red (Goldenhoard’s color) to blue (Oisin’s Ancestor’s color) and there is a shot in the trailer of the party fighting a blue dragon. Connected? Maybe.

10) From investigating some yearbooks, the party also learns that the Rat Grinders have existed since Freshman Year but, at the time, they were called the High Five Heroes. They all look a lot more smiley and a lot less intense–Rebuen’s not even emo. It was the lineup from above, minus Buddy and plus a frost Genasi cleric named Lucy Frostblade. They learn that she supposedly died in their Sophomore year but specifically during a period near the end of the year where grades are locked and it wouldn’t affect their party comp which is…convenient. 

11) Fig tries to investigate this by disguising herself as Lucy and seeing how Ivy and Oisin react. Only Ivy sees her but she doesn’t seem shocked at all to see her allegedly dead party member She just raises an eyebrow and ditches the game to talk to her. Fig bails (and rolls only a 12 to stealth away) so we don’t get any extra info but just the fact that Ivy reacted that way is pretty juicy info as is.  

12) The other Rat Grinders don’t seem to be at the party but the members are skeptical about that. On the other hand, when Ivy leaves, it’s because Oisin pulls her aside and says, “Kipperlilly’s calling”. So it’s possible there was a Team A and a Team B for whatever the Rat Grinders were doing that night?

13) And speaking of what they're doing, we do have a theory. When Fabian checks some damage in the basement where Max and some other kids were smoking "gorgenfern" he sees that something called a cloud rider engine was smashed up pretty bad and in a suspicious way–gorgenfern doesn’t make you rowdy. Fabian checks the security tapes he obviously has and sees that some ice mephits came in and riled people up to the point of crashing into the engine. Adaine conjured some earlier in the party and as far as her arcana check can tell, they’re here, but there’s suspicion that Oisin–a conjuration wizard–could have done it. It’s certainly within his skillset. A cloud rider engine allows a vehicle to fly on clouds and it’s not clear if it was simply smashed or if something was stolen from it. 

14) Max isn’t a Rat Grinder but he did ask them all if they wanted to smoke with him and Ivy offered Fabian snuff so Riz is suspicious that the RG’s are trying to get them kicked out of school for drug use now that they have a non-Aguefort principal who presumably cares about silly rules like that at the murder school. 

That’s basically what we know about the Rat Grinders! So, to sum it up, I’d say the conspiracy board bullet points are:

Supposedly dead cleric Lucy Frostblade: What actually happened to her and why isn’t Ivy surprised to see “her”?

New cleric Buddy Dawn: Why was he specifically requested? 

The High Five Heroes: What caused them to turn into the Rat Grinders? And, as they seem like they were more gung ho their first year, why did they never pivot to fighting things other than low level monsters?

Do they actually have beef with the Bad Kids specifically or are their vibes just terrible? Were they trying to sabotage them by offering drugs? Did they break the engine on purpose and, if so, why?

Oisin: Is he chill or is he working an angle? That question technically goes to Ivy as well but I’m almost certain she’s fully working an angle, lol. I’m getting straight up Aelwyn vibes from her.

Class President: What is KP’s angle re: running for class president? This seems like something she’d want to do either way with her personality but her policy of fairness dovetails too neatly with Grix’s appearance and Cassandra’s inability to say the phrase, “It’s not fair,” last episode.

How did KP find the rogue professor and is that relevant?

And finally, why did KP want to know about where Kristen created her Freshman year god? Well, that question may be partially answered in our next section. 

God Stuff

There is a lot going on this season with celestial shenanigans between Cassandra and Galicaea and even Yes! So let’s mark out what we know.

1) Cassandra was possessed by some kind of rage entity via crystal shards that were expelled from her body. Her status is kind of up in the air right now as the party was shunted away to safety by Connor Counterspell (RIP) and all Kristen has left of Cass are some glowing, purple shards. 

2) Earlier in the fight, while lucid, Cassandra said, “I thought you were dead” about some unseen entity. Later, Kristen heard from a creepy voice that said, “She is at my side once more”. It then threatened her and slid out the rotting corpse of Yes! as a sick joke. Likely that these are the same person or at least connected. 

3) Gorgug identified that the rage stars are similar to what’s going on with Ragh’s mom, Lydia so it was put on the docket to get in touch with her about that–especially because Kalina specifically told them to track down Ragh with her last lucid words. 

4) Tracker’s Galicaea rebrand is going really well. Her social media is really popping and the endless night probably didn’t hurt. 

5) Kristen on the other hand, hasn’t been doing so hot. Due to a bunch of negligence based in lack of time management and personal uncertainty, she hasn’t been evangelizing much which means only she and Craig stand between Cass and her permanent destruction. 

6) Kristen can’t contact Cass telepathically and says she can’t use her magic which is Not Great if you're as danger prone as the Bad Kids. 

Alright, that’s all the old business so let’s move to the new business. 

7) When Kristen talked to her parents, we learned that Helio doesn’t have a chosen one since she left but we learn that it’s more serious than that. Helio also can’t choose a new chosen one. He only gets one. With Kristen gone, the whole religion is without a chosen one.

8) At a certain point, Tracker finally gets a hold of Kristen and says some harsh but true things about Kristen but, more relevant to the conspiracy board, she talks about her girlfriend Nara and Adaine, as a fellow high elf, clocks her as coming from a family of moon goddess clerics in Falinel. That raises the question: is this run of the mill teenage rebellion a la the theme song, or is she some kind of plant? We’ll hopefully get some more info from Aelwyn since Adaine texted her about it.

9) The real juicy stuff happens when we talk to Ragh’s mom. The fiend in Lydia's gem is called Bakur. Her having him in there doesn't make her rage--she's raging to keep him trapped but that's it. Her personality is the same. 

10) Bakur was a pit fiend and the right hand guy of a dead god whose name we don't know (hmm, another dead and nameless god). Bakur can't even say the god's name. It's like, weird god rules and Lydia explains in a weird vague way: gods not being able to use loopholes and saying names being powerful and rules changing for non-mortals when gods die.

11) The one very concrete info we get is that a god can only come back in a place where they were born or created. The reason Bakur’s plan failed is that he tried to bring back the nameless god in the Red Waste and not where they were created. 

12) Rana (Lydia’s party cleric) is away and Cormyr (the party sorcerer) is dead but Lydia offers to put the party in touch with Rana and Cormyr’s family because they have more stuff related to this and they were the ones who knew more about this than her. 

Following? Good. So let’s distill this down to bullets again:

Holy Helio. The corn god doesn’t have a chosen one anymore because Kristen up and left. What does that mean in a concrete sense? What can a chosen one do that a normal cleric can’t? Is Helio gonna ask Kristen to do anything this season now that we know that this is a special position that only one person can fill? Is it until she dies (or at least dies for real)? Would a fanatical Helioic person try and kill Kristen to open up that slot?

KP specifically asking WHERE Cassandra was created seems clearly tied to the info Lydia gave about only being able to resurrect a god where it was created. But what does that mean exactly? Is she trying to resurrect the same god as Bakur? Did she just assume that wherever Kristen made her god is probably where most gods are made and, thus, her best bet? What’s her angle? Is this an evil plan for just a “this will get me a good grade” plan?

Where in the world is Cassandra right now? She is MIA right now which means Kristen’s powers are too. Though I wonder if she can draw on those shards to cast spells.

We obviously can’t be sure but it seems like the voice Kristen heard and the person that Cass thought was dead is likely that unnamed god. What’s his deal? I’m sure we’ll have more info for this bullet soon. 

Is Tracker’s new girlfriend Nara, much like Ecaf, a turncoat? 

With Helio, Cass, and Galicaea all being in the mix, is there any kind of family angle being played. It doesn’t come up a ton but they are very much related. 

MISC

This is a section for a few points that don’t yet fit under the main two headings of the season but still need to go up on the board. 

Why would Aguefort program a robot that acts like Grix? Is he supposed to be like or is he hacked? If he is hacked, who would be able to do that? The new artificing teacher? The old one?

We learn that Aguefort has made a lot of contradicting proclamations and all of them are canon, so you’re able to pick and choose what you want to cite (I feel like I’m in law school again). Lots of room for loopholes which could be useful later. 

Adaine, while very drunk, had an oracle vision of Kristen at a birthday party, giving a victory speech to a bunch of teens on election night as a crescent moon hangs in the sky. The Crescent moon potentially gives them a time frame if they look into it (and it specifically being mentioned makes me think of Galicaea even though not every moon thing has to be connected to her). And we know Gorgug’s birthday is near the Frosty Folk festival so maybe that’s why the hats.

Speaking of, we know there’s a connection between Riz’s mom defending someone for money crimes re: that Festival and Gorgug’s parents hosting it so that’s something to remember. 

This isn’t something for the pin board per se but this season introduces a stress token system for downtime! I’m sure I’ll talk about it more when we use it for the first time next ep but, for now, gotta say he’s really ramping up the pressure on our kids! And, to that point, let’s do a quick check in with everyone and see what they’re up against!

Character Board

Adaine

-Adaine is still facing major money troubles. After last episode, not only is her job terminated, but she actually owes 2.5 gold for her uniform. 

-It looks like she might be developing a bit of a crush on the cute dragonborn (yay) but he’s a Rat Grinder (nooooo). I will say though, cross party romance could be a lot of fun and also my favorite NPC in this show is Aelwyn whose top 2 traits are famously Criminal and Loves Adaine so I am honestly fine with this either way lol. 

-Speaking of Aelwyn, I’ll put the sister stuff together: When Adaine calls her to ask for dirt on Nara she says, “Working, will call in five.” And when Adaine questions the fact that it's 5am on a Saturday, Adaine just gets a winky face emoji back. Suspicious! 

Fabian

-Fabian has to juggle the new 150% course load (bard/fighter) as well as his new party house reputation.

-He has a lack of adult supervision which also means a lack of adult care and it seems to be affecting him more than he’s willing to let on. 

-But honestly his biggest obstacle is probably himself right now, lol. He made himself a new nemesis in Gertie Bladshield and I am not confident he can handle this honey trap mission with Ivy without the tables being turned on him. 

Riz

-Riz is also facing money troubles, but for him that’s kind of business as usual unfortunately.

-He has a TON of extracurriculars to keep track of but he so far seems to be handling it pretty well and is picking up some interesting allies (that double as votes for Kristen’s campaign–campaign manager is also an extracurricular he’s taken up): the aforementioned Gertie Bladeshield (Apiary Club), Sprak LeFevre (Aviation Club), and Molman Holden (Soil Club). Always good to have new allies and Aviation Club seems like it could be really useful later! I can see him making some luck checks to successfully say, “I know a guy” in a tight spot based on how many clubs he’s joined. 

-He also has the Reliable Talent ability now which means he’s incapable of rolling lower than a 21 on things he’s proficient in which includes Investigation. We’re about to be getting some INSANE lore dumps. 

Gorgug

-Gorgug has his insane 400% courseload happening and I didn’t notice this until it was pointed out to me but Zac actually leveled Gorgug DOWN in Barbarian to take an extra level of Artificer! That’s commitment. But I can’t imagine Porter, who already has a problem with him, is gonna like that. 

Fig

-Fig would hate it if I didn’t start this list by saying that she hella misses Ayda and that’s her biggest problem. 

-But she also has her album to worry about and we actually get the bombshell during a conversation with Mazey that she’s not even sure that she still wants to be a bard.

-On top of that, she’s taking Barb and Warlock classes along with the Bard classes she’s finally going to. 

-She has her gnarly Gilear curse happening that’s seemingly connected to whoever the boss who owns the pride armor is. 

-She has beef with Rebuen and is living her double life as Wanda Childa to try and learn whatever she can about him/the Rat Grinders. 

-Both she and Wanda are wanted by the Solace FBI.  

-On a positive note, she really endeared herself to Mazey by sweetly sticking up for her when Ivy was being catty. If Fig wasn’t so devoted to Ayda I could have read their interaction at the end of the ep as flirty. Regardless, nice moment and great ally. 

Kristen

-Welp, her god is, if not dead, MIA which is arguably the biggest deal of anything on any of these lists, especially since it’s tied to her magic AND her grade. 

-Next of course is the potato to her meat on her plate: her campaign. But that’s actually going really well, especially after this party. Her biggest issue is whether or not she can get Fetty Wap to homecoming and, lbr, in a pinch Fig can just disguise herself as him. When has that ever not worked?

-She also has this unnamed god (or whoever it is) taunting her and threatening her specifically which isn’t ideal. 

-But I honestly think she was more fucked up by the conversation which Tracker where her ex basically outlined everything she needs to get together in her life and then posted a pre-written pic with her new girlfriend. That’s gotta sting. 

And that’s it! I wanted to focus on the specific nuggets of info we got this episode and start to connect them with what we knew so far. Different format, I know, but I’m feeling experimental this season and I might switch it up a few more times as Junior Year goes on. I love covering Fantasy High but, like I said at the top, I have to keep it fresh so I don’t burn out. See you next time when Brennan makes the stress we’re all feeling an actual game mechanic! Fun!

[crazyexmormon]

Been getting a weird kinda nostalgia recently. I go on a lot of Wikipedia rabbit holes, and I always seem to wind up on the pages about mormonism. Its such a weird feeling, like simultaneously having such intimate knowledge of a topic and learning something completely new about it. I can’t remember even once being taught that church leaders disagreed on anything, but they did, there’s a thousand different opinions on fucking everything! To be fair, I was 14 when I deconverted, so maybe it would’ve been taught if I’d been around for the more mature stuff. Part of me wishes I had stuck around to learn all that. Nowadays I keep finding that I’m forgetting minor details about mormonism I used to know instinctively. It’s weirdly sad.

And sometimes you learn about alternate interpretations that just. Hit you in such a specific way. Some mormon feminists view Heavenly Mother as the Holy Ghost. Did you know that? I sure didn’t. People were excommunicated for that. Reading about Heavenly Mother in general feels like a god I was robbed of. I don’t believe in any of it, but I wish I’d been able to believe in her, at least. I knew about her growing up, of course, and I know my mom has a lot of thoughts about her, some of which she’s shared — I remember her telling me years ago that she thought god didn’t want her to be as prominent in order to protect her from blasphemy. I don’t know if she still believes that. I wish I’d grown up believing in the Holy Ghost as a Heavenly Mother. I don’t know if it would’ve changed much materially, but it feels so right, I can’t explain it more than that.

Not to mention all the primary songs and Mormon movies and books and phone games. And the magazines, and the file folder games for sacrament meeting. I realized recently I still have the 11th article of faith memorized. I have some other ones partially down, but that one is word for word. I remember how all the primary kids would gather outside the bishop’s office after church waiting to recite the articles of faith in exchange for candy. I always liked the 11th cuz it started with claim instead. I remember when they introduced the song versions of them, how my mom hated them cuz the tune felt so random.

I don’t know. It’s just sad how much of your childhood is bittersweet looking back. It’s sad to be cut off from your culture; no matter how horrible that culture may be, it’s still a foundational part of me. I can’t be Mormon again, but I can’t have never been one either. It’s weird to live in the middle ground.

[alaskan-wallflower]

For the ask game: Butters! I can't decide on which questions so... all of them! (Or how ever many you feel like answering.)

oh this should be fun-

My first interpretation of them

Honestly I just felt bad for him. I basically knew him as the kid who got grounded all the time and he seemed sweet enough, he was actually one of my faves from the beginning haha

2. When I think I started to truly like him

Honestly the Fun With Veal episode. And in the Butters’ Bottom Bitch episode where he just kept going ‘do you know what I am saying?’ I just thought it was funny lol

3. A song that reminds me of them

(Kinda a joint one) but You and Me (But Mostly Me) from Book of Mormon is SO Butters and Cartman. Also The Weight of Us by Sanders Bohlke.

4. How many people I ship them with

I don’t really do ships lol, I liked him and Charlotte tho, they seemed cute.

5. My favorite ship of them

Probably him and Charlotte

6. My least favorite ship of them

Him and Cartman. Absolutely him and Cartman.

7. A quote of them I remember

“I’d rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy goth kid anyway.”

8, My favorite outfit on them

Professor Chaos or his Stick of Truth costume

9. My least favorite outfit on them

The bear suit Paris Hilton made him wear in Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset. I felt awful for him

10. Describe the character in one sentence

Sunshine boy with horrible family members

11. What’s the first thing I think fo when I think of this character?

His accent. I dunno, I just have a knack for remembering stuff like that lol-I could honestly just listen to his voice all day, it’s soothing for me

12. Sexuality hdc!

I’m torn between him being pan and being straight lol, but I do think he’s on the ace spectrum.

13. My favorite friendship they have

Him and Kenny. Definitely

14. Best storyline they had

Butters’ Very Own Episode. I felt bad for him but it’s one of my favorite episodes

15. Worst storyline they had

Probably in the earlier seasons when he was just used as Kenny’s counterpart for the shows punching bag. Idk, it just felt like he didn’t really have any character or personality back then

16. A childhood headcanon

He lived on a farm for a little bit when he was a baby. They moved from Hawaii to say Oklahoma, then to South Park when he was three. Hence the accent. He also had a pet chick up until he was 7 or so named Toast. His parents made him give the chick away tho

17. What do you think their first word was?

Probably just mama or something. I do have a headcanon he still calls his mom (or his unofficial mother figure) mama sometimes.

18. How do I think he was as a kid?

He was probably really hyper. He subdued when he got older tho because his parents kept grounding him for accidentally breaking stuff when he would run around

19. The most random ship I’ve seen with this character

Butters x Craig. Like ???? They never interacted in the show lol-

20. A weird headcanon

Butters has a huge sweet tooth and if there’s candy or sweets in his vicinity he’ll devour it in an instant and likely suffer from a bellyache later

21. When do I think they were at his happiest?

Probably when he moved out and went to college tbh. He was just happy to get away from his toxic ass family. Or when his grandma finally dies.

22. When do I think he was at his lowest?

I do headcanon that when he’s in middle school he finally snaps. He becomes angry and kinda becomes a bully because he doesn’t feel like he has anyone who cares about him, it’s probably only for a few days at most but he just snaps at everyone, makes fun of everything everyone does, but after a few days Kenny (and maybe Cartman or Kyle) kinda confronts him and he ends up apologizing and trying to find someone to talk to.

23. Future headcanon

I wanna imagine that he lives on a farm, he has a bunch of chickens and goats (his favs) and some cows, pigs, even ducks. He gets a pet dog (a Border Collie) named Waffles. He kinda owns a petting zoo of sorts where younger kids just stop by and he educated them about animals and stuff. He also owns a bakery. He names it ‘Buttery Bliss’ or something

24. What do you think i’d a secret they’ve never told anyone?

Probably the thing with his sphincter and how he has to wear diapers in school sometimes. He probably only told AWESOM-O because he thought it was just a robot. But after that he didn’t tell anyone because he would definitely get made fun of :(

25. When do I think he’s acted the most ooc

Probably in The Worldwide Privacy Tour. Kyle even said ‘this is really out of character for you, Butters.’ so probably that lol, or in Going Native. I mean he literally wanted to kill a bunch of innocent people

26. When do I think they were being “themselves” the most?

Honestly? Probably when he was singing the Loo Loo Loo song, it kinda just showed his cuter side. Or in Cartman Sucks when his parents sent him to the Pray teh Gay Away camp because he was just so oblivious to where he was but still stood up for himself and his friends in the end

27. If they could meet a certain character from a different show/movie/book, who would be the most fun for them to meet?

Hello kitty. This kid would be in HEAVEN if Hello kitty was real. Either Hello kitty or Tails the Fox. Him and Tails are pretty similar. Plus fluffy fox meets sunshine boy, they’d get along-or just him in the pokémon world. Yes.

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Probably when he was trying to get the Hawaiian tourists killed in war

29. How do I think they’d be as a parent?

Honestly? He spoils the shit out of his kids. He’s a huge pushover, but not to the point where his kids become spoiled brats. He probably exposes them to animals early so he could get them to know what’s good and what isn’t when on the farm. He supports his children, but he’s probably a very sheltering parent if that makes sense. Has no idea what he’s doing at first but eventually gets the hang of it. He loves playing make believe with them, would totally play dress up and such.

30. The funniest scene they ever had?

When he’s Professor Chaos and trying to be all menacing and Dougie has to keep telling him the Simpsons already did his idea and he’s just like ‘aw hamburgers :(‘

Hope this is good!

[fierceawakening]

So that “South Park rots your brain, don’t let yourself watch it” post is on my dash again

Do people feel the same way about the Book of Mormon musical? Same guys, same insanely offensive humor, but the characters are all really… likeable anyway? Or at least that’s how I felt about it and what I thought it was trying to say. “Look how dumb the things humans make up are, and how they use them to hurt each other way too often. Now look at how they need them anyway, and can use them in positive ways if they’re honest about it all.”

I’ll feel bad if people think we don’t get to like that any more.

I mean, I’ll also ignore them! But I’ll feel bad. For a second. Maybe.

(Seriously, what is “you there! I command you to stop liking South Park!” gonna do that “I don’t like South Park, because I didn’t find XYZ funny, just weird and mean” won’t?)

[stardewsnail]

Could you do sfw and nsfw headcanons for Harvey with a partner who’s a vampire?? (Maybe not the type that burns in the sun, I don’t know if a vampire like that would be a very good farmer lol)

Tysm!

This request is a DELIGHT

Okay we’re gonna go with an adventure time style vampire where the farmer wears gloves and a big hat when they’re outside. This farmer has a collection of parasols. They’re always in long sleeves, gardening gloves, overalls, boots, and a big sun hat.

Sfw

Harvey is going to intensely study his partner. Not in a creepy government lab way but in a “holy shit medical school never prepared me for this” kind of way

Will help figure out a way to keep his partner fed sans murder. The murder is a hard line though, being pro murder would be a deal breaker. Something about a Hippocratic Oath

Harvey being so stressed out about his partner getting hurt in the mines only to find out that they are in fact one of the monsters down there

That’s a relief for him, honestly.

Of course the big question here would be if he also wanted to be a vampire…I think he would. I think he’d be totally fine with it as long as there was a murderless path. A little like Carlisle Cullen, he’d want to keep being a doctor. (None of the weird Mormonism or forever high school or weird cult stuff though)

He will do research into the best possible sunscreen and spf clothing.

This vampire can fly, and will carry Harvey through the air. It’s really helped his fear of heights knowing he’ll never fall when he’s with his partner.

NSFW

Okay if nobody is going to say it then I will YOU WOULDN’T DATE A VAMPIRE UNLESS YOU HAD A VAMPIRE KINK

Harvey was very, very into classic monster movies and vampire flicks during some very impressionable teen years, alright?

He already loves having his neck kissed or nipped—having an actual vampire romancing him and pressing their lips to his throat would drive him insane.

whimpering and needy, he’d throw back his head so they would have full access

If it was medically safe to do (or at least not completely medically risky) he would let his partner feed on him and he would find it a little sexy. Like he would never have any kind of blood kink except in this scenario (pathogens! Yikes!) but the pain and eroticism of his partner kissing only to bite and suck or gently lap at the wound. To know that he is the one nurturing his partner’s body in this most intimate of ways? He’s into it. Let the man live.

He’s more submissive as it is—and having a partner who is stronger and faster and magical to take care of him or dominate him means his sex life just improved exponentially. He’s a big, tall guy who’s wants to be manhandled and thrown around.

Want his partner to please pin him against the wall and hoist him up by his thighs so he can wrap his legs around their hips.

There’s also an element of bringing pleasure to such a beautiful and supernatural creature—that in their entire immortal life he gets to have his face between their thighs making them feel so good. And I don’t care how long the vampire has been alive—Harvey is the best head they’ve ever had.

[xxarmchairphilosopherxx]

There's this odd trend in anime, have you noticed it yet?

It’s actually been there for a while, hell maybe since some of its early and most beloved days. It's mystic shrines tended to by beautiful maidans, wise elders beseeching the forces beyond on behalf of their people, and those so special moments shared by all who live around them… That’s right baby it’s the Spanish inquisition!!!!

Well technically it's the larger organization from which the surprising Spaniards derived from. Of course I mean the catholic church. That’s right from Trigon to Black lagoon to whatever the hell Black clover thinks nuns are, the Japanese anime industry is in love with the Bishop of Rome’s fan club. And while many enjoy these shoutouts or are just as equally confused by them, few have sought to shed light on this subject. But those who do I got some protestant v catholic beef with yell.

Many posit that the Japanese place so many Catholic imagery, ideas, and design motifs into their shows simply because it’s this interesting foreign thing that just looks neat. Pic related.

Well I say nay nay to that. Before we dive into the REAL reason for why Japan actually loves them Roman Residents, that the feds don’t want you to know. We must first at least cast off this lesser understanding.

                Ok now that clickbait dramatics are out of the way this idea of Japanese fascination with Catholics and Christianity as a whole being purely based of aesthetics and just vague interest is not inherently wrong. But I do find it to be incomplete. I mean come on if they want some weird ass religion to put in their show they got India and Hinduism right across the way. Now this is no slight at my beloved Hindis out there but ya'll got to admit your religion would make the most balls to the walls kickass anime since Gurren Lagan destroyed my eyeballs and left for dead in Cincinnati.

(Cough Cough) Furthermore, I just find that there are other options for Japan that they seem to completely ignore. I mean why not Judaism or Islam, hell why not even other forms of Christianity like Greek Orthodoxy or even Mormonism. NO!

There is something special about Catholicism that these cool cats in Tokyo can’t get enough of and I’m about to blow your mind with it...

It’s not what’s different but what they have in common.

No I’m serious! There are numerous and very shocking similarities that make Catholicism the perfect mix of mysterious and familiar for the Japanese/Shinto palate.

            First and foremost of these is chivalry. When one looks into the history of Bushido one will always find the Buddha specifically the Zen Buddhism mixed in with their own Shinto background. From this fertile soil of respect for nature and stoicism would sprout into the powerful flower of the bushido code. And oh, would you look at that that’s right! After the European horseman of old got sipping that sweet Catholic eucharist wine, what did they end up doing? Giving themselves a rule book called chivalry to keep them in line with that heavenly way. So obviously when a Japanese man would trace the lines, he’d be like "oh, so this is like what Zen and Shinto was like to the samurai? That’s pretty neat let’s throw it in my new anime."

            Another odd one is gonna get a little more esoteric so work with me here. I believe that both the Catholic Church and Shintoism both have this acknowledgement of a similar phenomenon. The inherent mystic power of the feminine touch.

See shrine maidans and nuns. Both are almost synonymous when one thinks of their respective church or shrine. Like ask a western man what he thinks when you say catholic church... and after all the profane shit, he’ll likely say nuns. A similar phenomena would be seen in the Japanese man... minus the profanity. I believe this similarity exists because both Catholicism and Shintoism accounted for that special touch a woman can bring to a place. That grace and delicate nature, that way of mysterious connection to the more stranger aspects of the world. It’s like this meme.

            Now next is another weird one that came to mind. They both have this ritualistic respect of water. For the Catholic this is baptism and the use of holy water to bless one’s self and other objects, a similar concept exists in Japan where one washes their hands before entering a Shrine and then there is the use of ritualistic waterfall bathing, Misogi.

now this is like baptism on steroids so here’s another handshake meme.

           

Alright now we can really get into the anime shit. Demons!!! Not only do they both share a common insane lore of specific demons and all the fucked-up shenanigans that ensue, but they also have equal amounts of exorcisms and exorcists to kick infernal ass. Seriously, I think this is like the main reason why we see so many Catholics in anime fighting demons. It's as old as the Nazarene Himself. So when a Japanese man hears something about Jesus casting out a thousand demon host named Legion you better believed he’s gonna go home and write some kick ass manga featuring some big ass demon named Legion. Said Japanese man pictured here

It's gonna be Jump's next big three slot just you wait.

            And finally, to top this all off Imma end it wholesome 100. So there is this huge aspect in Japanese culture where a large majority will go to shrines get themselves and their children blessed and attend and partake in all the festivals, but not really call themselves Shinto. Is this not the same as all of those who go to Easter and Christmas mass even though they couldn't tell you a cross from a crucifix?

This is the final similarity. That something beyond the theology which binds the community together. And even though these so called 'different' worlds are oceans apart they share this community bond, that little slice of unity in this crazy world and makes it all worth it. And that kid is what we call in the philosophy Bizz an universal concept… and a way to make some kick ass anime.

Anyway that's about it smell you later hoped you learned something.

[rainbeam]

I wish people would stop calling my church (The Mormon/LDS church) a cult.

Yes it has culty vibes if you go to the wrong ward or stake (congregation) and it has problems, but that’s true of any religion if it’s practiced wrong.

I understand not loving the proselytizing. I hate it too. It’s an old piece of religious practice that comes from colonialism but it’s not unique to other churches. They go on missions too. Maybe not knocking on doors but they go on missions.

And yeah, we’re weird. Yes, it’s kinda hard to pull your records from the church but you can do it.

People in power aren’t gonna forbid you from seeing your family if you leave the church - you might have a falling out over different opinions but that’s life, and it happens to families not of our religion too.

Like we’re just people. We’re just people trying to make sense of the world and people can be shitty.

And I don’t think people realize how traumatized the older families who are from pioneer stock are. The Extermination Order (Missouri Executive Order 44/The Mormon Extermination Order) in 1838 lead to massacre, rape, and violent expulsion. We were expelled from our home in Missouri with extreme prejudice and had to walk for miles upon miles in cold icy conditions with little provisions.

That order didn’t get repelled until 1975.

137 years of a cruel, dangerous law in the books calling for our expulsion and execution. They wanted us dead or gone. And eventually we left. We fled to Illinois where the same thing happened, mobs, violence and eventually, fleeing for our lives in 1844, just six years after the first time we had been forced from our homes, our livelihoods.

Bringing it back to the present, I am often scared of mentioning I am Mormon. My best friend is terrified to share her religion due to the prejudice her family has faced.

The claims we are a cult, the mocking of our religious garments, the rumors that we have horns hiding in our hair, that we had tails, or cloven hooves… it’s all hurtful.

Yes, some families in our church take the Word of Wisdom to extremes, such as not allowing caffeine at all in their homes. But that’s an individual family choice, not a mandate by the church, and even if it was, why do you want to mock us for our religious practices in relation to food?

Other religions forbid their members from eating certain foods together or forbid them entirely and they should not be mocked; just like we should not be mocked.

You will find extreme religious followers wherever you go. This does not make that religion a cult.

A religion can be cult like.

But it doesn’t mean it makes us a cult.

[eowyn-igneelcheshire]

I spent about two hours answering these questions as best I could, so here's my answers:

Picture a wedding. Any wedding even in a fantasy context.

Arwen in a long lilac dress and Aragorn in the exact same clothes he wore at his coronation crown and all standing hand in hand in front of a beautiful overgrown archway.

What does someone mean when they say “The Bible”? 

I usually imagine the Mormon Bible first but I have no idea what’s actually in it. I just picture a black book with “The Bible” in gold letters on the cover.

When is New Year’s? 

Everyone around me celebrates on January 1st but I keep forgetting it exists. I don’t know when New Year’s is for other cultures. When I start living on my own and therefore don’t have people to remind me of holidays I’m probably just gonna go with the first bloom in spring signifying the new year because time and dates don’t entirely register in my brain.

What does a religious service look like? 

I first pictured a mosque, then a Mormon church but specifically one with a low ceiling and weird lighting, then I pictured a group of people around a bonfire.

What do people look like when they’re praying on their own? 

I first pictured someone kneeling with their forehead pressed against the ground, then someone clasping their hands and kneeling, then myself laying on my back in bed with my hands balled in fists and pressing against my forehead in an attempt to get my thoughts to focus so I can figure out what the fuck to say while I’m crying because I’m having a meltdown and desperately trying to ask either Hypnos or Thanatos to help me.

Do you find the concept of being culturally a member of a religion you don’t, as far as you can tell, practice or believe in, weird?

Sort of? Mainly because it’s not a culture I’ve strongly identified with anyways. I wouldn’t really mind celebrating a religious holiday if I was invited by friends or family who are part of that culture, but I’m not going to celebrate something like Easter or Hanukkah on my own.

Is there fundamentally a good-evil dichotomy? 

No.

What does repentance/atonement entail -and what requires it? 

I honestly have no idea.

What does the word “religion” mean to you? 

I don’t know the answer to this either. I guess whatever a person says (genuinely, not as a “____ is my religion” kind of joke) is their religion then that’s their religion.

What is the opposite of religion? 

I don’t even have a solid definition for religion… When a person says they don’t have a religion I guess?

Do you assume that your definition is universal and applicable to others?

Universal? Probably not. Applicable to others? Well it’s incredibly vague so maybe????

Do your ideas and concepts about religion exist in English, or do they only really exist in another language?

I’m honestly not entirely sure what this question is supposed to mean. It’s my idea on religion and English is the only language I speak.

What is the honorable and good way to bury someone who has died, and to mourn their passing? What is the language of death? What makes a death good or bad? How is the body treated? What are the ritual, sacred, cultural, practical, ethical traditions around death?

I mean I personally would preserve the heart and bones (especially the skull), because I think it would help me to have some part of that person I can hold when I miss them, then burn the rest and either throw the ashes into the wind or make something out of them. I’m not entirely sure what they mean by the language of death. I don’t think there’s such a thing as a “good death” or a “bad death,” I think there’s a tragic death, but that’s entirely subjective and depends things like if they were happy when they died, if they had major goals left unfinished, if they were depressed, if they died lonely, if they died doing something they loved, etc.. I’ve already described what I’d do with the body, I haven’t figured out the ritual part yet.

What are the legal particulars that evolved into the marriage ceremony you imagine as the default? How is that marriage celebrated? What IS marriage, and who has authority over it?

Marriage is a mutual bond between two (or more, if people would just let poly couples get married!!!) legal adults. I don’t really have a default ceremony in mind, just whatever the people getting married want to do. Marriage is celebrated however the people involved want to celebrate it. Legally it’s whatever the law says is a marriage, socially if two (or more) people have what they consider to be a wedding and then say they’re married, then they’re married.

How does someone come into this world? How is their coming celebrated, before and after the actual birth? How is their name chosen? What names are off limits? How many names do they get? When are the names used? What do they mean?How do they honor family?How do they become a part of the community?

A person comes into this world by exiting a uterus. I’m sure they meant the religious explanation but I don’t have one so that’s what I’ve got. I don’t know much about how the people around me celebrate births. I know some people have baby showers before the birth, but I have no idea what kind of celebrations happen after aside from the child’s first birthday. The parent(s) usually pick the name as far as I’m aware? I don’t know of any names being off limits, I know numbers aren’t allowed in names (Elon Musk….). They get as many names as the parent’s give them? Usually only the first and last names are used day-to-day unless they go by something else like their middle name, but sometimes people full-name their kids when they’re in trouble. I don’t fully understand the “what do they mean” question. I don’t think people exist to honor anybody except themselves. Children are automatically part of the community until they get old enough to consciously separate themselves from it. 

As someone ages, how will they pass through meaningful, institutionalized rites of passage? When are they responsible? When are they an adult?

I don’t understand the rites of passage part… The only thing I can think of is starting school, moving from elementary to middle school, from middle school to high school, and from high school to either a job or college or both. I don’t fully understand the “when are they responsible” part either. Legally 18 is when you become an adult in America, but personally I think it should be 20 both because being a teenager AND an adult is weird to me and because I am 18 now and I do not feel ready for adulthood.

What is the relationship between humanity and nature? The relationship between humanity and the earth? What is our position in the natural world? What rights do we have or not have, what duties do we have or not have?

Humans are animals, we are and always will be part of nature. The sooner we recognize that the sooner we can get our shit together and stop destroying the one place we can survive. We’re like deer but worse because deer have wolves to keep them in check. I don’t understand the rights part but our duty to the planet is to not fucking destroy the planet.

What is your view about the occult? Your concept of angels, demons, and the devil? What do magic, divination, and astrology look like to you?

I’m a pagan witch. I think all things from all religions (including angels, demons, and the devil) exist just maybe not in the way certain religions think they do, like the Abrahamic God does exist but isn’t the only god. “Magic” is incredibly vague, it doesn’t work the way different movies, games, or book series depict it (you can’t cast fireball irl), but it does exist and it takes many different forms. Divination is something I haven’t explored in my practice yet so I can’t say what it looks like, but astrology is mostly bullshit except as like a basic guide or something. Your zodiac sign doesn’t determine what kind of person you’re going to be, but if you do fit some of the boxes it can help you figure out where to start looking in terms of what people or jobs you’re likely to be compatible with (AGAIN!! DOES NOT DETERMINE ANYTHING ABOUT YOU OR OTHERS!!! IT’S JUST A SORT OF DECENT TOOL!!! LET ME REPEAT THAT. IT IS A TOOL!!!!!).

What ubiquitous symbols exist in your culture? What phrases and idioms do you use to convey meaning beyond the explicit? Do you use these without thinking about their origin?

I don’t understand what any of this means.

How is the year celebrated? What seasons are given special honor, and why? What themes are strong enough to provoke holidays and observances? What ARE those holidays and observances? 

I don’t understand any of this either… I know spring, autumn, and winter are full of holidays here in the US, I’m not entirely sure about spring or winter but autumn is harvest season for a lot of crops so I can understand there being holidays around then. I don’t fully understand the last two questions.

What holidays do you consider “religious,” “secular,” or “national?” How do you observe them? What rights do you feel you have around them - do you have the right not to work on certain days, and why those days? Do you have the right to celebrate them publicly, even in a government supposedly separated from religion, and what gives you that right?

Religious holidays I know of right of the top of my head are Easter, Christmas, Hanukkah, and I think Halloween though I don’t remember what exactly it was for and it seems to have been rejected by many Christians for being a pagan holiday despite the fact that it is in fact Christian, it just shares roots with a Celtic pagan (or wiccan, not entirely sure which, people are still using the two interchangeably) holiday. Samhain, I believe, is what the holiday is called. It’s still celebrated by pagans and/or wiccans today. I think everyone should have the right to publicly celebrate their religious holidays, especially if the government is separate from religion (not sure why the question was worded like that?? Having a government separate from religion just means the government can’t celebrate religious holidays, not that the people can’t). As for having the right to not work on holidays, if it’s a holiday you’re religiously not supposed to work during then fuck yeah you should have the right not to work.

What IS prayer? How does one do it? Does it matter or make a difference? What is it’s intention? 

I personally don’t have a specific definition of prayer or how to do it, though I know plenty of religions do. I’m not sure what the third question means. The intention is dependent on the situation as far as I know.

How much do you know about the culture, beliefs, history, traditions, and oppressions of different religious groups? How much do you know about your own group, or the dominant group in your country? 

I don’t know how much I don’t know about anything until I learn something new, so I can’t say exactly how much I know about other religions. I know I haven’t bothered to learn much about the Mormon religion since I decided to leave it, and I know I still have more to learn about paganism since I’ve only fairly recently adopted those beliefs. An older witch and fellow pagan once told me that we create our own practices and our own mythologies, so I know that even if I come to know my own beliefs perfectly inside and out, that doesn’t mean I know everything about the beliefs of others.

Looking at the entire list, do you expect other people to have similar answers as you? Why?

I know not everyone thinks the same thing as me, but I imagine there’s at least one person in the world who shares some of my answers. Even if my view is one in a million, there’s still far more than a million people in the world.

Here's the blank version of the google doc I typed this up in if anyone's interested in doing this themselves: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZFxylYPIPok37W4RlZrGYRiI01VtKjHBNkPn87nFcQU/pub

the thing folks living in Christian dominant cultures gotta realize is that even if you’re not Christian, your basic understanding of religion and spirituality and morality is still being filtered through a Christian lens. your very concept of what religion is and does is filtered through that lens.

[wandaluvstacos]

Chapter 42 of Good Investment is now up on my Patreon!

Good Investment is available at the $5/month tier. People who pledge $5 a month have access to not only Good Investment but The Sponsors series (ongoing), Pretty Things (complete), May the Blood Run Pure (complete), and Kept Man (complete), along with the $1/month tier books, the Reflections trilogy (ongoing) and The Halfwife (ongoing).

Adri Schvaneveldt has always felt split between two worlds. In one world, they are the adopted child of a large and conservative Mormon family. In another, she is the CEO of a burgeoning fashion empire that pushes boundaries. But in order to be the latter, Adri first has to find the funding. After gaining a hefty following as a social media influencer/model, Adri has the potential customers– if they can get a reliable production model pounded out. And that means a bit of groveling at the feet of investors, most of who have never even heard the term “non-binary”.

But Adri lucks out with Gideon Snow, whose youth and open mind bring much needed funds to make Adri’s dream of diverse, accessible fashion a reality. Of course, lifting a newborn company to its feet is no small task, and late nights drive Adri to occasional stays at Gideon’s nearby house, where their relationship begins stretching beyond business. Adri knows they can’t put an entire business venture at risk for the turbulent whims of their heart. But reason doesn’t always win out.

Excerpt:

Anthony snorted. “Fine, you know what? I’ll tell you the truth. The person who posted that picture reached out to me and asked me some questions before they posted it. I thought it was weird or whatever, but I also thought it was very funny.”

“What’s funny about this to you?”

“That you’re gay now or whatever, but, like, gay light? Christ, between you and Tiffany, there’s gotta be something in the water.”

Gideon wished he wasn’t high when having this conversation. It made sorting his thoughts and responses difficult. Was it even worth arguing with Anthony? He was going to believe what he wanted to believe. Who cares if he thought Gideon was gay? And yet, Gideon’s brain wasn’t at full capacity. “I’m not gay.”

“Kissing a man dressed like a woman is still gay.”

“You’re a fucking piece of shit.”

Anthony laughed. “What’s it like sucking dick?”

“What’s it like being a fucking…” Gideon brain shorted out, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. While he stumbled to conjure words, Anthony laughed again.

“You coulda had your choice of hot 20-somethings, dude. Hell, maybe even 18 or 19-year-olds. You could have been drowningin pussy if you weren’t such a fucking cuck. Instead you’re sucking crossdresser dick. It’s sad. I don’t think you deserve death threats or any of that, but you can’t do degenerate shit without getting any pushback.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Gideon said, at a loss for what else to say.

“I’m alpha now. I’m on top of my shit.”

Gideon’s rage suddenly dropped off a cliff, and what followed was laughter—starting with a snort before descending into uncontrollable giggling.

“What the fuck?” Anthony said amidst Gideon’s onslaught.

“Alpha,” Gideon snickered, then started laughing again, this time louder. Oh yeah, he was still definitely high. He struggled to keep his grip on his phone as he wheezed for breath. He tried to say something but got caught by hysteria again.

“Fuck you,” Anthony snarled. “Fuck you and your soy boy bullshit.”

“Are you 13?” Gideon giggled. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

“At least I’m not gay.”

“Grow up.”

“Whatever, I actually don’t care about any of this, especially since you never helped me out with that loan I asked for. I don’t owe you shit. If my fans are being dickheads, that’s on them.”

[fairy25]

Therapist anon

Thank you so much for the advice and listening! I appreciate it. Decided to have one more session I already have a therapist who has done trauma work herself that I connect with better. (I was going to collaborate with both but that was honestly me being codependent.)

She never overtly said I needed to be a wife and mother to her happy, but it was just so odd when I said “I wouldn’t be a very good mom” and I didn’t even say it in a negative way, just that I don’t want kids and it’s a good thing I’m childfree. The expression on her face was weird like I just told her something super depressing or some shit. Then when I said “I’m sad I didn’t experience romantic love” I would’ve thought “I’m sorry for your loss” would’ve been sufficient and if she was going to comment on relationships maybe she could’ve just reminded me they are needed to be happy idk I called her out and got pissed and told her she projected what she found fulfilling. She didn’t deny it. I’ve also brought up that she basically minimized it as a loss, that she devalued me and minimized my trauma, etc… no talking about it makes me feel better I literally can’t trust someone who responds to me expressing a feeling with the ideology that I can “still find the right one”. I’m at higher risk for being assaulted I asked if that was worth it and idk if she didn’t hear that but she didn’t answer.

I am having one more session and just won’t sceduale anymore. I told her via email that I just want a break.

I liked her momentarily due to being porn critical and doesn’t believe men can be women and I could talk about that but she clearly has no identity out of being a wife and mother.

I think you have to severely undermine male violence to not see that as a loss….

I am sad I didn’t experience romantic love because then I feel there would be less grief around accepting seperatism for my safty and not feeling offended by others folks opinions; I feel like I have to prove I was somehow desirable or wanted like I feel like a loser for having never been with anyone and rage because my Father dominated me and that’s literally the only reason. I hate being het cause it makes me feel gross. I wish I experienced romantic love so k wouldn’t feel dirty, basically, and wanted to heal from this idea rhe I can now never stop feeling dirty.

I was raged mormon so there is heavy sex shaming… being intimate with someone was like my awareness because it made me conscious I was being dominated and abused. I wasn’t a “prude” by any means I heavily repressed myself… I was afraid this guy I was trying to see in secret would think I was a slut, we were taught about not having impure thoughts and being chaste and all that shit, but I become aware there was nothing innapropiare I felt sacred… I didn’t feel shame or guilt engaging in my sexuality for a brief moment in my life and I was only 15 and I’m traumatized by it, and I literally told my therapist all of this before I said I’m sad I didn’t experience romantic love.

I just wish I had never been traumatized, and yea, I’m sure the rare het relationship that is loving is nice, I want to let go of the limerence and fantasy for the sake of being healthy, happy, and safe, because I fear being raped or stresses me so much it’s healthiest to stay away for me. It’s just not work the risk… idk how to heal, I don’t think therapists who believe happiness is motherhood and marriage and grandkids is a good therapist…

It frustrates me how many therapists have actually judged me for being single, it makes me feel worthless.

Sorry for vomiting, I really appreciate it!

I think you may be at a point right now where therapy isn’t helping you but rather exacerbating things and making you feel worse. It might be a good idea to take some time off and let your body relax and re-regulate itself. When you’re ready, I would suggest tackling the idea that great romantic love is the end all be all of life, because many people, traumatized or not, will never experience great romantic love. Does that make them less happy people? Does that make their lives less important? You can still experience great love, it just may not be from a man (or it may be, I don’t know). My dog loves me unconditionally, so do my friends. My coworkers smile when they see me and tell me about their families and show me pictures, I basically get to watch their kids grow up. Why is this love less valuable? And I mean you’d have to look far and wide to find a woman who isn’t traumatized so if you weren’t, you’d be one of few. Like I know it sucks to feel how you do and it’s not your fault, I want to reiterate that, you’re doing the absolute best you can. But it’s going to be hard. You’re going to have to ask yourself what you really want out of life, what’s important to you. Challenge why you think something is important. Question everything. I used to think I needed to be chosen by a man to be worthy. Which was then made more complicated because I am not attracted to men. But I kept trying, over and over again, thinking maybe this time, it’ll be good, it’d be different. It wasn’t. I would start sobbing the moment they left and at one point even bathed myself in bleach and scratched my skin off in chunks because of how dirty I felt. I wish there was something I could say to take away the pain. In my case, the only thing that helped was time and giving myself some grace. Focusing on the parts of life that made me happy and excited, getting me out of my head and back into my body. Dancing, yoga, just going for a walk with my dog. Anything to remind myself that I’m here now, I’m safe, I’m alive, no one is touching me. I think it’s hard to move through the world as a traumatized woman when you haven’t found your anger yet. Anger is what leads me to talk back, stick up for myself, not take shit from anyone. Your anger is the part of you that loves you. I think that’s next for you. All that fear and anxiety and self loathing you feel is eventually going to turn into a different beast entirely: rage. You’re already getting frustrated, you just need to stop turning that frustration inward. None of this is your fault. Remember that.

[lavender-annd-lilac]

“I’m gonna be late–”

HAHAHA she’s like “I’m going to turn into a fucking pumpkin if I don’t get back home by midnight, so move dude!!!” 😩😩😩🎃

“I got the estimate, even if you have the car scrapped, you won't breaking even on the tow bill.”

I don’t drive. Does this mean tow bills are super expensive? Or they will only give u like $10 for a whole ass car at the junkyard?

he pushes himself straight and walks inside, herding you back into the house

I am so uncomfortable rn bc I feel like he didn’t take off his shoes when he went in the house. Everything is ruined now.

pacing around as he inspects the drawers and lifts the carafe from the coffee machine

Me trying to find the “money rock” that people hide in their house lol

U guys know what I mean right? Or is this weird

You’re a maid, I’m messy as fuck, so I think maybe it’s time you move into the private sector.

The other day I realized that true confidence is when u don’t feel the urge to pre-clean your house before the maid comes lol. Not that I’ve ever had a personal maid lmao, but like, when I go to hotels I’m making my goddamn bed and everything and I don’t even do that shit in my own apartment lol.

He laughs and winks as his tongue pokes out

I’m trying to imagine this expression and I can’t lol. All I’m seeing is one of those pugs with the tongue permanently hanging out barking and having an eye spasm and I feel that’s not accurate

Colin seems a missionary man

Lol for a sec I thought he meant like a Mormon or those youths that chase u down and ask if I have the time to discuss Jesus Christ

I’m gonna bend you over and use you until that thought goes back to where it came from

Me, a philosophy major: and where do thoughts come from, exactly? The mind? The soul? The ether?

Ok but seriously what does this mean? If a thought starts in my brain and it goes back to my brain…. It’s still in my brain? I’m still thinking it? It’s like doing a 360?

“if you’re so well off, can’t you go out and get some supermodel off the rack?”

“Boring,” he snickers,

Tyra Banks rn:

maybe some clothes that don’t look like they’ve been fished out of the dumpster

Me, a former hipster: dude, it’s called “normcore” actually 🙄 it’s an ~aesthetic

That ex of his, she’s not gonna leave her husband for some half-dime sales manager.

Me, a pedant, frantically searching google for an explanation of this phrase: is a half-dime sales manager better than a nickel sales manager? Worse? Is it one of those “baker’s dozen” things?

I’m not going to stop. I’m going to follow you to work and I’m going to wait and then I’m going to bug you again. And then maybe, I’m going to call your boss and make a complaint.

Does this fucker have a job or is he just like a professional Karen 🤔

Lmao I love how he proceeds to spit out like a whole ass screenplay of her future. Like dang, write that shit down son. You might end up writing the next Erin Brockovich 🤷‍♀️

And good old Lloyd is waiting for you. I might even bring roses

Why? These are such mixed signals - stalk her, get her arrested, bring her roses… in the old days, you would just leave a horse’s head in someone’s bed. Clear, direct, effective way to get your point across. Whatever happened to that huh?

🐴

Unsolicited 7

Warnings: bad self-thought/talk, bullying, insults, low self-esteem, money problems, more dark elements to come.

Wouldn’t mind some feedback! Lloyd was driving me nuts so I had to do it. Thank you in advance 💜

Colin stopped calling just after nine. Still you keep your phone on silent.

You grab the bucket of supplies and change for the bus, another day ahead of you, your entire routine thrown off by the latest crisis in your crumbling life. You can make do without the car, just like you can survive without your husband.

You open the door just as a figure appears on the other side. You drop your shoulders as Lloyd blocks your path, propping an elbow against the frame as he looms over you. You check the time on your phone.

“I’m gonna be late–”

“For what? We got a deal.”

“I’ll pay you back for the tow,” you insist, “alright? But I gotta go. The bus–”

“Inside, sweetheart,” he points past you, “let’s sit down and chat.”

“After–”

“Now,” he pushes himself straight and walks inside, herding you back into the house, “I got the estimate, even if you have the car scrapped, you won't breaking even on the tow bill. So, what leverage do you have exactly?”

You roll your eyes, “you’ll have to wait. I’ll pay with interest–”

“Divorces are expensive,” he insists as he grabs the bucket, tugging on it as you resist, “sit down.”

“Please,” you beg, “can we not?”

He yanks the bucket away and drops it on the floor, “you can sit or I can make you sit. You agreed, we’d talk. Now, let's lay out some terms before you go pouting.”

You jut out your jaw and sigh. You shuffle to the small kitchen table and sit. He stays standing, gripping the back of the chair opposite. He gives a long look around, taking in your home. It’s not much, half a duplex, cramped but tidy.

“You keep a nice house,” he muses, “comes with the job, I suppose.”

You struggle not to tear your hair out as you watch him. He pushes away from the table, pacing around as he inspects the drawers and lifts the carafe from the coffee machine, the dregs of the morning’s pot left over. He swishes it around before replacing it.

“You need a way out, in a manner of speaking I need a way in,” he turns to you and grins, “so, I think we have a start.”

You clench your jaw and drag your nails over the wooden table, fighting not to scratch into the surface. He tucks a hand in his pocket as he nears again, kicking a foot up on the crossbar of the chair as he stops. He clicks his tongue as he considers you.

“I’ll get you out of here, baby. All you gotta do is say ‘yes, daddy’.”

You growl and grit your teeth, “I told you, I’ll pay you–”

“I don’t wait. I don’t do interest, but baby, for you,” he pulls his foot to the floor and sidles in front of the chair, sitting theatrically as he puffs out his chest, “I can give you a bit of… dignity. You’ll still be working, earning your way. You’re a maid, I’m messy as fuck, so I think maybe it’s time you move into the private sector.”

“You want me to clean your house?”

He laughs and winks as his tongue pokes out, “that’s the basis,” he traces a flat line with his hands, “you ever heard of something called ‘free use’?”

You shake your head and cross your arm, your puffer jacket swishing awkwardly with the movement. He pauses as his eyes wander down and his eyebrows flick up in amusement.

“No,” you answer aloud.

“Wonderful,” he snorts, “of course you wouldn’t, Colin seems a missionary man. Nice, simple… boring.”

You shudder and hook your leg over the other, “I don’t want to talk about him with you.���

“Oh, I fully intend on helping you forget him. Let me explain; you’re going to come over and make things nice and pretty for me and if I’m walking around, living my life, doing my thing and I happen to think that your ass looks nice and pretty, well, then I’m gonna bend you over and use you until that thought goes back to where it came from.”

You curl your lip in disgust, insides squirming as you swallow tightly.

“And you’re going to let me. You’re going to say, ‘yes daddy, what hole?’”

“Fucking Christ, you know you are the most repulsive person I’ve ever–”

“Yes, yes, I’ve heard that before, but you’re not really in a position to worry about… feelings.”

You stare at him, “if you’re so well off, can’t you go out and get some supermodel off the rack?”

“Boring,” he snickers, “now, that car is caput. Your marriage, eeeh, well that seems about the same. And I know you can’t afford to just walk out. But I can give you everything you need; a roof over your head, maybe some clothes that don’t look like they’ve been fished out of the dumpster, and a good fucking. Or many.” He taunts as he wiggles his shoulders in superiority, “and something even better, revenge.”

You rub your cheek, your other arm kept firm against your chest, “revenge?”

“On that dipstick. He gets to come home to an empty house, pay half the rent, and realise how fucked he truly is. That ex of his, she’s not gonna leave her husband for some half-dime sales manager. She’s married to a goddamn trust fund baby.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Let’s not ask too many questions about how. Baby, you don’t wanna know all that.”

You look down and trace a ripple in the wood with your thumb. Your chest tightens, the clutch of inevitability closing in, squeezing your rib cage until it hurts. What you know of this man is vile and what he won’t tell you, is perilous.

“Okay, I’ll make this real clear for you. I’m being nice, we’re talking.” He sits up, elbows on the table, knees wide, “You want to keep being stubborn, I’m not going to stop. I’m going to follow you to work and I’m going to wait and then I’m going to bug you again. And then maybe, I’m going to call your boss and make a complaint.

“Then you’ll get back here and you’ll be exhausted and annoyed because, lo and behold, I don’t fucking stop. And you’re alone and you’re thinking of your man fucking another woman.” He runs his fingers along his mustache as his lips curl, “And you got no wine left. You take a hot bath and think about your bad life decisions and you still got no plan.

"Tomorrow, you take the bus again, you clean, then you get a call from Donny down at head office. Yes, there was a concerning phone call about you. Things missing in offices. That’s a serious offense, they could call the police.” He taps his fingers on the table pointedly, “Probation for now but likely termination once the investigation ends.

“You walk out just after noon, you can barely see straight. Everything is coming apart at the seams. No car, no job, no husband…” He sits back and grips his thighs, “And good old Lloyd is waiting for you. I might even bring roses, if I’m feeling real nice. But at that point, my balls will be so blue I probably won’t have a thought left above the waist.

“So, baby, let’s make a choice; my way or the hard way?”

You glare at him, breathless. You're dizzy as you try to think. The last few weeks swirl around you, the vortex circling around you. You believe him. You know he won’t stop. All he’s done, you have no doubt that he’ll follow through.

Your cheek ticks. Is that what you're worth? Low. Lower than you ever expected. But what other option do you have?

“Don’t bother packing,” he stands, jolting the table with his ascent, “oh, and…”

He comes around the table and grabs your wrist, forcing your arm up. He grabs your rings and you curl your finger. He tuts and bends it back in its socket until you cry out. He rips the bands past your knuckle and whips them across the room.

“We’re done talking,” he clings to your hand and presses it to his crotch. "Say it."

"Wha--"

"'Yes, daddy'," he prompts, "I wanna hear it baby.

You push your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Humiliation sears behind your eyes, "yes, daddy."

He hums and squeezes your hand around him, a twitch beneath the fabric, "oh ho, see baby, that got me good."

[fierceawakening]

I think Tumblr is thankfully a little over its “people with NPD are smol beans uwu” phase (or maybe it’s just that I’ve finally filtered that cadre of people out and those left are a bit more friendly to “demonizing people is bad! Obvi! but there’s also a reason many people find people with those traits difficult to be in close relationships with,” which is pretty much where I am) but I am Thinking about something

Some of you know that I’ve been following the Ruby Franke child abuse case. Franke was a Mormon influencer and mommy vlogger who was popular but who many people worried was overly harsh with her kids to the point of abuse. She had a close associate named Jodi Hildebrandt who at the time was a licensed therapist.

One of her kids fled Jodi’s home and had been severely physically abused (tied up in such a way it left deep wounds which were then “treated” with cayenne pepper paste), blowing the whole thing wide open. Ruby and Jodi both were charged with aggravated child abuse and both pled guilty to four of six counts and are awaiting sentencing.

Anyway people have been following the story, and one thing that’s become very clear is that Jodi was a profoundly unethical therapist and has a history both of abusing kids and of ruining adult clients’ marriages. It’s a mess and a train wreck and very obvious when you look into Jodi that she had a kind of cult leader personality. (People suspected she wouldn’t plead guilty just because she’s SO rigid about her beliefs in the videos.) I know the one true way to help kids grow, society disapproves but I’m right, etc.

And there’s one video of her that people watch for the shock of it. She is sitting with Ruby in the basement they used as a video studio, and she goes off on a rant that gets more and more unhinged as she goes on. She’s upset that she’s getting bad reviews on her videos and people saying her techniques are abusive, and she says something to the effect of “I’ve made it really easy to give us a five star review, but you guys aren’t doing it! Why aren’t you doing it? You need to go do it right now. We’re getting all these one stars and we need you to help us fix it.”

It’s fascinating for the complete lack of acknowledgement that anyone might just not like the content, or give one star because they disagree with the techniques. Especially when viewers were mentioning repeatedly that they were concerned the techniques were too harsh and could even be abusive. If someone thinks that about what you’re teaching, yeah, they’ll give one star. Should be obvious? But she’s just like “I don’t know why you all aren’t doing this. Go do it.”

Anyway I bring this up because I’ve watched a LOT of videos on this, and that’s included several mental health professionals watching the videos and debunking the supposedly revolutionary new techniques of Jodi’s as abusive discipline with a weird half new age half religious conservative polish on it.

And EVERY ONE of the reactions I can remember from trained professionals says “this behavior is a clear indicator of narcissism. I would absolutely be looking out for more things like this to make a diagnosis if I were asked to do so.”

What intrigues me here is the clear consensus, and how little it resembles what I’ve seen people here on Tumblr say being narcissistic is like, which as they describe it seems to be destructive perfectionism plus struggles to empathize with people they’re not deeply close to.

Which I dunno. I think this discourse has kind of faded anyway at least off my own dash, but… I dunno. I think tumblr can sometimes get very echo chamber y about what a particular illness looks like, and everyone can sometimes all jump on a less central symptom because some posts are going viral.

Anyway I found it very interesting to see the professionals focusing very much on someone literally demanding praise, an unusual behavior that most would find striking, when the talk of tumblr was all “oh I’m a perfectionist, just to a degree where I do myself harm,” which sounds a lot more like understandably shitty coping and not “wow that’s pretty out of touch yeah.”

I dunno. I guess my point is… we love the idea of personal stories and experiential knowledge because it fits our broader politics, but it’s worthwhile to check what the scholars have to say to make sure we’re not taking one person’s compelling account as the truth of the thing.

[carol-effing-danvers]

The Hollow Man

(Ao3 Version here)

He has become something of a local legend. A terrifying reminder that something is not quite normal in the little town of Hawkins. You can see him lurking around town with a hooded sweatshirt pulled up over the tangle of his hair and if you're really unlucky, catch a fast glimpse of his feverishly blue eyes beneath that hoodie.

Junior grade girls who used to throw themselves at his feet pretend not to know his name. Instead, they whisper to each other when he passes by, spooked and theatrical. “It’s the Hollow Man.”

Or as Eleven calmly tells Max: "Billy will be different now."

"Different how?" she'd asked, skeptical. She wasn't foolish enough to believe you could be stabbed through the chest cavity by a three-story monster and come back right as rain.

"Different…sort of like me," El had, looking a bit sad at the idea. "Only…not."

She still has absolutely no fucking idea what that means but he does seem calmer now, especially after Neil left the house.

Well, 'left' implies that he planned out his departure and packed his bags one day.

Neil actually got up in the middle of the night, packed their car with a haphazard collection of his shit, and drove away from the house - by himself after a bewildered Susan and half-asleep Max refused to go with him. "Fine - stay here with that fucking demon!"

Max assumes that Neil meant Billy but she doesn't understand - he's certainly quieter than he used to be (and maybe stronger, she isn't so sure) but calling him a demon is a little overdramatic, in her opinion.

At first, Billy thinks she's fucking with him, and then he assumes she's just being polite because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. But Max really, truly does not notice anything different. In fairness, Eleven and even Susan don’t usually seem to find anything amiss - maybe they’re a little more uneasy about him now and then, but for the most part, they’re pretty alright.

That’s when Billy realizes that there’s a trick to it. Not everyone sees what he can see when he looks in the mirror now. Most of them, from what he can tell - from what El confirms for him - see a much tamer version. Neil must have seen something much, much worse.

But in his most secret self, Billy has to admit that he loves Max - so she really can’t see any difference.

Anyway, the people in the town don’t bother him and so he doesn’t bother them and that’s the way he likes it.

Or that’s the way it is until that squeaky little church boy decides to put his fucking hands on Maxine.

Max is already impatient when she answers the door. She’s supposed to be meeting El at the movie theater in twenty minutes and she’s looked up and down but can’t find her own fucking shoes - Pretty in Pink is still playing in the tiny theater and it isn’t really Max’s bag, but she knows El will love it and Max is the only one who’ll go with her.

So she’s already over this conversation before she even opens the door to the person knocking. It doesn’t really help that Max first thinks he’s like, an actual Mormon or a Jehovah’s Witness or something.

He looks very…clean. Maybe it’s spending too much time with boys like Billy or that guy Eddie who the boys are always hanging around but Max finds something very weird about boys who are that clean. It’s like seeing a green sky and blue grass - there’s something not quite right about it to her.

Although Max doesn’t know it, Jason has been hunting for each boy in the party for the entire weekend - mostly because they hang out with Eddie Munson. Eddie Munson, who lately has been spending a large amount of time with Jason’s girlfriend.

Well…as of Friday, she’s now his ex-girlfriend.

Max does know that there’s something about the way he smiles. It reminds her of the way Billy used to smile - the fake one. “Hi, are you Maxine?”

“Max,” she says shortly, creeped out that he apparently already knows her name.

“Lucas’ girlfriend?”

“Uh…yes?” This is making even less sense by the minute - and where the hell are her fucking shoes?! “Do you mind getting to the point any time soon?”

His smile - fake, her mind still notes - dims away. “He hangs out with that Eddie freak, right? Do you happen to know where he is?”

Irritated behind belief at being treated as Lucas’ fucking secretary, of all things, Max snaps “No! I’m his girlfriend, not his fucking keeper! If you’re so keen on finding him, I don’t know - call him, maybe?”

And then Max slams the door in his face, because she is going to be fucking LATE, and Eleven gets anxious when any of them are late, and-

Jason’s entire arm blocks the door, face stormy. No longer quite so saccharine-polite. “Do you normally talk to strangers this way?” Glances at the empty hall behind her. “Your parents didn’t teach you any manners, Maxine?”

“Max,” she corrects again with a sneer. Although a prickle goes over the back of her neck, Max Mayfield has dealt with the Upside Down and her stepbrother is Billy Hargrove. This…how would Billy put it? This squeaky little shitbag doesn’t scare her. “And yeah, they did - I just don’t need to use them on arrogant assholes who try to interrogate me at my own house.”

“You-” He doesn’t finish the sentence, just grabs at Max’s arm and squeezes, squeezes like Billy used to when he was really pissed - except that Billy never ever grabbed her this hard and Max’s mouth opens - to scream, or to yell at him, she doesn’t even know, but Jason’s other hand reaches toward her face to cover her mouth.

NOW Max is sorta panicking - this motherfucker has actually lost his mind - but before she can freak out too badly, something happens.

And by ‘something’, she means Billy.

A rough bronzed hand suddenly yanked on the back collar of Jason’s jacket, pulling him up and then off of the front porch, and sending him careening down the front stairs. The action forced him to let go of Max, naturally, who was dumped onto the floor in the front hallway, directly on her ass. Ow.

She struggles to her feet just in time to see Billy, in his ratty fucking sweatpants and holey workout tank, standing with his back to her on the porch steps - right behind where Jason used to be standing.

“Oh, dude!” she cries, as she realizes what Jason is doing right on their fucking front lawn. “Seriously?!”

He’s pissed himself. Well, he’s pissed himself, AND he looks like he’s seen a fucking ghost - but as far as Max can tell, it’s just Billy.

Jason’s mouth opens and closes, a strained weak sound emerging that Max realizes is actually a scream. Or it would be a scream but Jason is apparently so terrified that he can’t properly work his lungs to make the sound.

Again, it’s just Billy. She doesn’t know what’s got him so worked up. Except that it’s just Billy to Max.  

Billy feels a grin stretch across his face and the little blond maggot looks like he might actually faint. It must be worse than what he can see when he looks in the mirror - and what he sees in the mirror looks pretty fucking bad.

Jason doesn’t see Billy, Jason sees The Hollow Man.

Dark empty pits where the eyes should be - not missing its eyeballs but the sockets are bloody, scraped clean of them, the face gaunt and skeletal and graying and semi-translucent. Like something decayed, and Jason can sort of see its teeth through the skin. They look…sharp. Very sharp.

He tries to crawl away on weak, rubbery limbs as it comes closer but the thing grabs him by the front of the shirt, fingers long and spidery and clawed. Reaches for his face, covering his mouth the way Jason had tried to do with Max.

His tongue, when the creature speaks, is slick and black. Oily. Jason feels bile rise in his throat and whimpers, tears flowing freely down his face.

“Go on home now, little boy,” It purrs, and grins at him with all of those teeth. “I’ll see you again tonight in your dreams.”

And then Billy throws Jason back to the ground, and while he doesn’t use all of his strength to do it, his shoulder still makes a divot in the grass when he hits it.

Max watches dumbfounded as Jason, now covered in dirt and grass and piss, screams his head off like an absolute ninny and runs away from their house like someone has lit his hair on fire.

“Man,” she says, rubbing her sore butt. “People in this town have a fucking screw loose.”

“Mm,” Billy agrees, and lights himself a cigarette.

[pale-fairytales]

hi so i’m still new to transformers (I’ve been binge-watching several of the cartoons and only read part of the 2005 IDW comic—) but i have headcanons made of fresh brain juice and idk if anyone else shares them but they popped into my brain as I was working on my fanfic o3o

The Elite Trine, if they were to ever cook (hypothetically ofc, since they don’t really eat food??), are all terrible at it. Starscream’s the only one w/ potential bc his food is more edible/it can even taste good sometimes. Problem? he’s probably not gonna wanna cook and will probably order someone else to do so. Sometimes when he does cook it gets burned, or he seasons too much, but he’ll know a good brand of engex to pair with it. I feel like he might get upset if someone doesn’t want to eat it, depending on who’s not willing. Most people close to him know to just eat the food, or he’ll be really mad and probably yell at them. If it’s someone not as close to him, he probably wouldn’t cook for them at all imo, but hypothetically I feel he wouldn’t get as offended if he wasn’t close with them. 

Thundercracker’s a close second. Why? bc he gets an A for effort. His food, imo, is midwestern suburban Mormon housewife bland and drier than a desert. This goes for most foods he makes. Even soup. How does soup come out dry? No idea. Is it even possible for soup to taste dry? Maybe not. But Thundercracker seems to find a way, be it intentionally or not. He might be annoyed if someone doesn’t want to eat it but he doesn’t fly off the handle. I feel like he also wouldn’t really cook for anyone not close with him/outside the trine, so he wouldn’t be as upset, but he may be slightly passive-aggressive. 

Skywarp receives an F in all categories; his cooking is always either burned to the pits, undercooked, has chunks of weird things in it, and/or chances are he’s dumped too much of seasoning in it or something. He also more than likely has made a huge mess that Thundercracker will have to clean up. I’m on the fence about Skywarp; I feel like it could go one of two ways if someone doesn’t wanna eat his food. I can’t decide if he lets it go/doesn’t blame them (I lowkey feel like he’s purposely bad at cooking occasionally) or if he gets upset. I feel like he accepts he’s bad at cooking and it becomes a weapon in case anyone he doesn’t like comes to the home he shares with his trinemates. 

I imagine it goes like this; let’s say, idk, in a domestic AU where there wasn’t a war, Starscream has a few domestic hobbies. Like a bookclub or some shit. People decide to come to his place for the club meeting, which is fine, but Soundwave is also in the group and he had to bring Rumble and Frenzy. Skywarp volunteers to look after them while the group discusses the cybertronian equivalent of 50 Shades of Grey. He gives Rumble and Frenzy food. It looks like a soup. They try to eat. It tastes like soap. Skywarp grins. “What’s wrong?? Aren’t you hungry?” they make a rude remark but soundwave told them to behave. they try to eat again. There are legos in the “soup.” “What is this???” they ask. Skywarp grins evilly and does not answer. 

Starscream is forced to put Skywarp in gay baby jail and Soundwave is forced to leave Rumble and Frenzy at home from then on. 

don’t trust them in the kitchen, whatever you do

[dungeons-and-dictions]

General Conference is a great way to get back! I often listen to podcasts at work, while doing chores, even playing games. You don’t have to be formal and sit in the living room and take notes.

Idk where I learned this, but it’s stuck throughout my life since:

Sometimes it’s our turn to catch people when they fall, and sometimes it’s our turn to be caught.

I always reminded my Grumpy Friend in YSA that maybe, they were coming to the church thing today because someone would need them. It just so happened that often they befriended the person in your similar situation.

If you go back, and keep going, you’ll find your people. It may take a few months to wade through and find each other. But even in the suckiest Mormon Bubble ward where the RS President waged war against me (idk why btw), I still found a small group of friends.

Heck, one church acquaintance became my bestie after six years of just being Facebook friends, when I helped her avoid homelessness. I felt so silly after we became friends, that we hadn’t sooner. Catching her at that moment was the catalyst.

And another church friend happened when I begged to be let into an apartment hot tub because I hadn’t gotten my key yet and went on a 10-mile hike that day that was supposed to be 2 miles. She caught me that time!

Anyway.

And even if you don’t find someone? You already have Christ ready to catch you. He knows your desires, and fears about it. Taking the plunge to restart something is hard, but keep your eyes on the Gospel, and the nice social parts should come with time.

I don’t know if any of this will help you, but you’re not alone in this struggle. Not enough active members think about the invisible apprehensions to coming back even if you yearn for it. It’s similar to my issues with going back to soccer after I had to give it up in high school.

(except, church is nice and doesn’t give you weird meniscus issues)

I haven't been able to follow general conference in April for a couple of years now

I haven't even been able to go to church really

I accidentally became less active when I didn't want to. It was something I never wanted to happen and it was unavoidable.

I haven't been to the temple in 4 years and my temple recommend expired around that time too. Never renewed it.

I miss it. I miss the temple and refusing to go to 90% of the activities organized by the ward but still being asked every single time. I miss groaning whenever the too-talkative elderly member stopped me for a chat when I was in a hurry only for them to always end up telling me a funny story.

The ward has grown so much these past 4 years and I know nobody in there. Aside from the 10 people I talked to most often, I don't remember anyone's name and I don't know the face of any of the new members, let alone their names.

I miss it all and I don't know how to go back