#maybe change year to like a few months | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

soupieoopieisloopie · 6 months ago

Text

Tumblr, I’ve seen GREAT angst on here. Like top teir works that hVe destroyed me and I need all the angst authors critique.

“I’m doing a slow burn angst rn where the character falls back in love with his childhood crush he hasn’t seen in ages but he’s her doctor and yk doctors can’t hang out with patients so he has to distance himself from her personal life and after like years of visits and him catching feelings again, she drops the news that she’s getting married and it SHATTERS HIS SOUL and from then on he has to see her come in for pregnancy updates as he’s forced to see her live a life he’s wanted with her since they were kids”

Mid tbis a good slow burn angst prompt???

#angst #angst prompts #fanfic #authors of tumblr #promo idea #writing prompt #fic prompt #story prompt #idk I’m not sober n was discussing with a friend #I thought it was good tbh bc the possibilities are endless #maybe change year to like a few months #or maybe a year or two #idk just enough time for slow burn to start sizzling

3 notes · View notes

ichthyorelationships · 2 years ago

Text

an idea i invite anyone else to write about / run with lol....

the premise that The Change gets all messed up for alberto, say it's something that can happen from stress, &/or happens rarely and you just have to wait for it to resolve itself....used as some parallel to struggling through some emotional turbulence / upheaval / questioning / Realizing Things, etc etc

#luca 2021 #pixar luca #alberto scorfano #another idea i've failed to write for & so invite anyone else to run with: ciao alberto but what if he peaces out by swimming off lol #ends up in a coastal town maybe an hour's swim from genoa. but not Getting In Touch w/anyone for a while b/c plausibly he thinks that #giulia may not be a fan of him now by extension; just being too embarrassed asf to reach out to luca kinda lol....luca off doing his own #thing just fine & alberto not wanting to write him now like b/c i Ruined Everything again ahaha....#and by ''not in touch w/anyone for a while'' who knows. months; a few years even....might stumble across news of him b/c like.#say more sea folk are coming to land / more humans know abt them & not many places are as [harpoon]ly from the start anyways #portorosso exceptional in that way....maybe where alberto settles down they're like legendary but also considered Good Luck anyways lol.#anyways like some people know of him who might; say; swim down to portorosso. have their own teen who knows a teen who mostly lives on land #most convenient re sparking [wow could they mean Our alberto] if he doesn't go so far as to take up an alias lol. but why would he....#that difference in that massimo might figure that however alberto was surviving before; he could continue to do so now; but even though tha #is some comfort it's still Not Actually Enough....feeling way more Parentally towards alberto than his biological dad like that; obv #and anyways re: this [The Change gets messed up] idea it's more of an inconvenience lol but one that could still have some significance #like if he first finds out the issue exists via hopping right into the ocean; failing to change forms; never being human form'd in water b4 #thee worst....crash intro course to the experience of drowning. observation of How Humans Swim / being able to grab any part of the boat...#and besides That unpleasantness it's like; hey. where's my nonhuman form at #or; of course; being in sea form even while dry....especially if he's still dealing with Nonsense on land. which is presumed.#&/or if there's an upswing in nonsense b/c of Other ways you're Othered...ofc we can consider like; tfw you're a gay fish & maybe that's no #something that on its own would be like Aah until it's like well a) i kinda wanna do things that would make this Visible and b) i've learne #that humans also Have Issues about this kind of thing....#appropriately my tablet was also all thrown off. no pressure sensitivity; input sensitivity overall was rough #but i would've had to restart my laptop about it lol like eh i'll just work around it

178 notes · View notes

lynxfrost13 · 2 months ago

Text

I feel like there’s hands trapped in my chest clawing to get out but that’s okay! We stay silly!

#sorry to scream but I have got to just yell for a minute #idk what the hell happened to me but it started a few months ago #every time I’m alone with my thoughts it’s just there. something and it’s itchy!!! metaphorically yknow but #my soul is itchy babes this is concerning #not very concerning I’m pretty certain it has to do with me finally realizing oh maybe I ain’t cis #but I DONT FUCKIN LIKE IT #I know what’s gonna happen. whatever this is it’s gonna gnaw at me for a couple years and then it’ll just hit me like a truck and I’ll be #Changed for the better or worse #same thing happened when I wrestled with the sexuality but it’s so stupid #body stop it. chest stop it. hands!!!! stop scratching and trying to crack me chest open please #I’d like to deal with this Not Right Now I have other real issues that are more pressing #wish I could just open my chest up and grab the lil fucker that’s in there causing a ruckus and squeeze him until his head pops #anyways sorry this is stupid and very venty from me in a way I don’t usually do it #btw I do want to stress I am generally doing great overall! just tired (always haha)#but workouts have been awesome and I’m happy with my progress and I’m workin and doin well #but this has just been driving me crazy lately #lynx talks #sorryyyyy abt all that #anyway

9 notes · View notes

deus-ex-mona · 19 days ago

Text

happy pocky day to chizuutan and chizuutan alone~~

#oh dang wait the bg has the brand be ‘pocketz’ but the box says ‘poketz’ and the [redacted] anime says ‘pockets’…#what is the actual name of the brand lmaoooooooooooooooo does it change for every adaptation?#a n d im sorry but till now i still cant suspend my disbelief at seeing lxl in the pockets ([redacted] anime spelling) cm in the present day #wdym the ad was running for. like. a year and a half #i thought collabs like this lasted for a few months max…#they could’ve just used that lemon something commercial in the bg for the chizuchan oshi breakup scene #but maybe poketz and pockets are just 2 different brands/types of similar snacks in-universe. kinda like p*cky and pep*r* irl #and it just so happened that lxl collabed with both of them a year apart. in the same outfit. promoting the same flavours.#coincidences do happen after all… hmmmmmmmmmmmm #chizuutan chizpost

10 notes · View notes

kannequi · 1 year ago

Text

Slam Dunk Ship Ranking on Korean Portal Postype [As of October 22 2023]

Ranking according to # of search results on Postype.

This type of stuff interests me so I did my research and decided to post it here.

Postype (포스타입) is a website for creators to upload any type of digital content. Think of it like AO3, Pixiv or Wattpad. Works can also be monetized by the creators. I myself have bought hundreds of fanfic and fanart….

Since top/bottom (left/right) positions matter here, I decided to separate them. It should be noted that tags can overlap. One post could include multiple pairings at a time, especially for popular “groupings”.

Please keep in mind that there are many factors that can affect the numbers, and this website alone doesn’t 100% indicate a ship’s popularity in South Korea. Sometimes they abbreviate the names, or the japanese name is more used, so I included those alternate names' numbers as well. But they mostly usually use both tags, if not the more dominant one. So please do not add the numbers for each ship's alternate names.

Ranking

I started my search on 12:17 AM October 23, 2023.

1. Sawakita X Fukatsu 우성명헌 5771 2. Yohei X Sakuragi 호열백호 4573 (호백 1956 요하나 1888) 3. Ryota X Mitsui 태섭대만 4416 (태대 1362) 4. Rukawa X Mitsui 태웅대만 3805 (탱댐 2730) 5. Sendoh X Rukawa (대협태웅 3448) 센루 3803 6. Fukatsu X Ryota 명헌태섭 3194 (명태 1146) 7. Mitsui X Ryota 대만태섭 2804 (대태 741) 8. Rukawa X Sakuragi 태웅백호 2724 (루하나 2129) 9. Sawakita X Ryota 우성태섭 2645 (우태 1048) 10. Yohei X Mitsui 호열대만 1476 (호댐 809) 11. Fukatsu X Sawakita 명헌우성 1347 (명우 664) 12. Sakuragi X Yohei (백호호열 532) 백호열 1337 13. Mitsui X Kogure 대만준호 1180 (댐준 230) 14. Rukawa X Ryota 태웅태섭 1147 (탱태 424) 15. Tetsuo X Mitsui 철대만 1108 (철댐 159) 16. Sawakita X Rukawa 우성태웅 1022 (사와루 831) 17. Ryota X Ayako 태섭한나 823 18. Kawata X Fukatsu 현철명헌 757 (철뿅 570) 19. Matsumoto X Mitsui 동오대만 714 (동댐 664) 20. Sakuragi X Rukawa 백호태웅 641 (하나루 556) 21. Matsumoto X Ichinokura 동오낙수 627 (동낙 322) 22. Sota X Ryota 준섭태섭 566 (준태 276) 21. Fukatsu X Mitsui 명헌대만 560 (뿅댐 330) 22. Sendoh X Mitsui 대협대만 404 (댛댐 208) 23. Maki X Sendoh 정환대협 364 (마키센 307) 24. Sendoh X Sakuragi 대협백호 336 (센하나 191) 25. Matsumoto X Fukatsu 동오명헌 310 26. Kogure X Mitsui 준호대만 308 (준댐 175) 27. Mitsui X Rukawa 대만태웅 305 (댐탱 121) 28. Rukawa X Sendoh (태웅대협 260) 루센 303 29. Sakuragi X Haruko 백호소연 301 30. Maki X Kiyota 정환호장 272 31. Kishimoto X Minori 동준남훈 199 32. Ryota X Sakuragi 태섭백호 198 33. Maki X Fujima 정환수겸 186 34. Hanagata X Fujima 현준수겸 178 35. Sendoh X Maki 대협정환 172 36. Rukawa X Haruko 태웅소연 163 37. Kawata X Sawakita 현철우성 161 38. Mitsui X Sakuragi 대만백호 156 39. Sendoh X Yayoi 대협하진 150 40. Sendoh X Ryota 대협태섭 136 41. Sawakita X Mitsui 우성대만 119 42. Sakuragi X Ryota 백호태섭 112 43. Sawakita X Sakuragi 우성백호 106 44. Jin X Kiyota 준섭호장 104 45. Fukatsu X Rukawa 명헌태웅 101

Finished searching at 1:55 AM October 23, 2023.

I used "Ryota" here instead of "Miyagi" because Sota is also in the list.

I didn't include the abbreviated name for sawafuka because the word is a common word in korean.

I tried to look for ships that had at least 100 results. There may have been some ships I didn't consider and may have overlooked, especially in the other school teams, but so far this is what I found!

I might do this again with other platforms like pixiv and ao3.

28 notes · View notes

spaghett-onaplate · 7 months ago

Text

it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food

#it's not a good idea bc the wages are GARBAGE compared to retail #Macca's base rate for my age is less than half my sunday rate #and they don't get much beyond the base rate #whereas retail we have an incredible base rate AND more weekdays past 6pm and weekends (sat is the same as mon-fri 6pm #and sunday is significantly more)#and like yeah im not getting many shifts but if i were to ask for more I still wouldn't be able to work more than 4 hour shifts til july #bc my retail corporation is surprisingly ethical and extends the age limits by a lot #whereas my friend has a 7.5 half hour shift tomorrow AFTER school. on a week night 😁#which is actually horrifying and should nawwt be legal. thats school 9-3 (+20 min) then work 4-11:30 btw #like i should just wait til my birthday in july n ask for more shifts in retail but i want to try fast food #even though the pay is incredibly ridiculously bad (<10 AUD) (yes our adult minimum wage is a good ~23 but under 21 is a percentage of that #like the pay is so bad so i would earn the same or more doing wayy less hours than retail #but i kinda want to get the fast food experience bc it'll be more difficult to get hired as i age #bc i want to save up 20k for top surgery but at the rate im going it'll be difficult to have even thay #let alone savings after top surgery or money to get a car before #and as school gets more difficult it'll be harder to work more #so maybe i should just grind for a few months or til the end of the year then go back to retail exclusively?#and enjoy higher pay and some longer shifts?#but idkkk it's just such a dilemma bc i want more shifts than I'll get at retail but fast food pays so little #but i also really want the experience and to just try it out #im gonna. idk im gonna sit on it for a bit bc i want to get my legal name change sorted before i apply to any second jobs and that will #take a while #so i shall consider. draw up a timetable. write a pros and cons list #yes that sounds like a solid plan #whoop typo but im on mobile i meant 'wayy less hours IN retail'

9 notes · View notes

penisbilt · 7 months ago

Text

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

12 notes · View notes

mariyekos · 7 months ago

Text

Btw for anyone who's never visited my blog and/or doesn't use desktop, I just want you to know that it's a relic blog with an audioplayer, the old tumblr format of indented posts, and a custom floating gif that walks up the right side of the page. I put my love into this theme and I'm going to share it!

#erurandomness #erubabbles #I think I've had my theme like this since...maybe 2017ish? oh god how long has it been #The NieR image in the side is probably a 2017ish thing since that's when I played it. Maybe 2018 because I didn't lose interest right away #I also remember that the background (right side) was Tenebrae from FFXV which I was super into in 2016/17ish #so yeah I want to say the bones have been like this since 2017ish #though I've changed some things over time.#I think I used to have more blues or a different green in the solid color part of the side bar #I've also edited the fonts colors and headers #the audio player songs I've changed a few times. and need to do it again because 2 or 3 of the links are dead #and kain I added in a few months ago. it was a different gif before #but yeah! i don't know why tumblr is getting rid of people's custom blogs but for now I still have mine #I'm going to get really sad if they get rid of them entirely. i've put dozens if not hundreds of hours into customizing mine #and my side pages #over the years. both this one and side blogs. this year will make 11 years of being on tumblr man. so i've invested a lot of time into it!#i will say that this view is at 133% zoom but I don't want to make the theme itself any larger for the sake of ppl with small screens

9 notes · View notes

skeletalheartattack · 6 days ago

Note

Using anonymous because interaction scary but I want you to know when I saw Zarbon while playing Sparking Zero I thought of your blog.. its neat how one very dedicated person on the internet can change your mind on a character

*dialing my rotary phone to call the press* the hyperfixations are working. inform every body immediately!!

#ask #anon #you lovey to see it #and it's working. it's working #i kinda think about how crazy it is sometimes. the ways in which i kinda happened into really liking him #like i thought DBZ was really fucking cool. but it was my brothers who were the reason i got into it or even knew about it #between them having the original rubber clothing action figures. wall stickers. and some PS1 region-locked DBZ games #like i only really knew some barebones stuff regarding DBZ. just like some characters and maybe a few episodes at the time #then like one day i got DBZ Budokai 1 and i played the fuck out of that game.#and then going through Vegetas story. seeing Zarbon for the first time and thinking ''wow. guys can look and sound like that? that's cool''#then something about him transforming was really cool to me #then like i let my cousin borrow the game for his birthday. only for him to assume that i gave it to him for his birthday #which is only odd to me because like months to years later i would constantly ask him to give it back. in which i never got it back #so i kinda forgot about Zarbon for a really long time throughout my life #but even from that moment like i think that definitely stitched some closeted thoughts about other guys through my life #just like thoughts of ''oh id be fine dating guys'' to ''if i were gay id be fine dating that guy''#and then like sometime after graduating. it eventually clicked that im bisexual. around the time i started watching and reading jojo #then at some point i was trying to connect the dots with someone about characters that were an origin point for me #and the first thought was a point in Budokai involving Vegeta. and me going on youtube to rewatch footage of the game #only to have like. a portion of my memory re-emerge the moment i recognized and remembered Zarbon #like from that moment so much shit made sense to me. and because of that im just so fond of him #it's just wild to me that sequence of events.#anyway. thank you for the ask anon :) im glad that my weird obsession for him could change your perspective on him #or. i guess less glad and moreso like. that i find it incredibly fascinating

4 notes · View notes

puffpawstries · 1 month ago

Text

I know its silly to do a poll BUT I just want to see if anyone see my idea of him looking in Osomatsu-san

#smore rambles #tag ramble #its a bit months old but I mostly drew it in the fact of how I feel how he would look like maybe if he was in now osomatsu-san version?#cause back then I knew there was a lot of crazy angst and stuff with him cause of osokun ive seen to much really #cause i did read the whole chapter with him and ect so I did my research u_u #BUT 2017 ososan ask blog era was a crazy time and the angst WAS CRAZYYYYYY #i do enjoy shape language a lot so I just changed shape and height mostly cause I've ever only seen taller and lanky Tougou stuff #cause I hc the brothers with different body types as well so yeah!#but I'll only share till I see a few yesss or you can comment! I just wasn't sure cause idk how people view his chara now since i hardly se #any content of the guy beside old fanart of him from years ago so yeah

2 notes · View notes

linguenuvolose · 1 year ago

Text

I applied for a new job today 😩

#don't even know if I want to/feel ready to leave my current job #kinda not honestly #idk I had a lil breakdown a few weeks back and was like what if I did nothing for 6 months?#yeah I was fed up with the rigidness of my job and so jealous of the flexibility of my boyfriend's job #I feel bad leaving my job for me because it's such a perfect fit for my Italian studies #like I managed to find a job where my ''''useless'''' language studies actually are 100% crucial #and idk it just feels ungrateful to myself to leave?#nah idk I don't think I'm done with this job just yet #good thing I think I botched the personal statement of this application jesus #oh well we'll see #like I kinda don't want to get called for an interview so I don't have to mention it to my boss or think about it at all #ughh it's like I know I can get better than what I have but I also do kinda like this job #but also it's probably going to change a lot within this next year for different reasons so that's also something to consider #at least a colleague of mine told me people usually only stay in my post for 1.5-2 years so I feel a bit less bad about wanting to leave #but like where else in Sweden am I going to find a job where I can use Italian as my main working language?#I only see a phd as another option #idk maybe I should start ponder about that instead?#idk man #snicksnack

12 notes · View notes

complicit-rot · 5 months ago

Text

i haven't been this social & talkative in Years someone drag me out back

#rambling to myself in the tags just go ahead n pass by 🫡#u've been warned #i can feel the burnout(?) creeping up on me & its been. two days.#at least my friend is reassured i'm still in their life every few months 👍#even if i end up hating being dragged out places i know a little relief feels like a lot to other ppl #but i also just. hate being involved at all. esp if its pity but also when they genuinely want to talk with me. which sucks!#i hate thinking like that. however it just feels like the most logical path sometimes yk? after (gestures vaguely) everything?#i'm childishly obsessed with the aspect of destruction. me or them carrying it out it doesn't matter #any sort of socializing feels like grinding stone together whether or not their intentions seem as pure as possible #it feels like my socializing button is broken and my battery is locked at 2% 24/7 #its not that i actively try to keep myself locked in self serving cycles to stay pitiful lord knows i hate being pathetic #i despise being miserable. it may not be Everything i know. it may be comfortable or familiar or whatever edgy shit #but it takes so much energy to have any emotion. i feel like i wrung myself dry in elementary school #ultimately i know i'm capable of Having Emotions. they're just all buried beneath 78 layers of static that don't seem to be there for other #i try to be social. even when i know Deep down i like them i end up hating every interaction. no matter how smooth or funny or whatever #i seem to have this blanket that makes everything heavier on me. i don't like being weighed down but sometimes i have to comply else #i know i'll just fucking crash out for the next however many years & end up being more hurt than i began with #<- metaphor doesn't make sense bc i ditched it half way thru but you get the point #be social to the complete detriment to my health & appease others or hurt other ppl (something i don't like doing bc i know how it feels) &#end up ''''saving'''' myself (trapping myself further. lose/lose). i wish i was completely exempt to people paying attention to me #i Hate wallowing in this fucking pity. this whole woe is me evvybody huwt me so now i feel nudding :( schtick makes me feel so weak #i like feeling strong by socializing. sometimes i get this litttlee inkling of maybe i should try & put myself out there More but it always #comes with the same results. one of these days surely it'll change (<- bearer of the curse) (<- but still has hope despite denying it)#yes i'm in therapy yes i'm working on my social capacity slowly instead of getting my boundaries ran over at top notch speed by my abusers #sometimes i need to say the self pitying shit out loud to knock me to my senses & be like 'if a friend said this i'd criticize them'#'if anybody else thought that you'd cringe so hard and be filled with That Specific Misery you feel & hate so much' ohhh right. my bad

2 notes · View notes

ame-to-ame · 5 months ago

Text

there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris #muscle memory is crazy #i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic #when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good #but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor #what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet #bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back #and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id #it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category #or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is #my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread #something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it #but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore #ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me #delete later

2 notes · View notes

despite-everything · 6 months ago

Text

ive been planning to move cross-country as soon as i secure a decent job and housing and just felt the impulse to change my name when i move away. god. ive already done that twice

#why am i like this #i just started mentally practicing with a name i maybe wouldnt hate #and immediately started thinking about who i would tell i was changing my name #and was like 'could i get this done and feel comfortable within the month'#god thats crazy. i do this every few years #tree talks

2 notes · View notes

tkbrokkoli · 6 months ago

Text

i think a thing im v passionate abt is music. or rather, listening to music. i listen to it when i work, when i drive, when i clean, when i walk. i spend several hours every day listening to music. once during a trip i didn't have the time to listen to music for several days and when i finally turned on some music it felt like the world was suddenly filled w more color and life. i once was so overwhelmed w awe and beauty listening to a song for the first time that it caused me to have a panic attack. in, like, a good way, like, wow, look at that song, it touched me so deeply that i lost control of my body for a moment. i sometimes get teary eyes or goosebumps when listening to music. i listen to the same song for hours on repeat. i don't know anything abt making music btw. i took guitar lessons for some time but im not talented or good at it and it took too much effort to continue. i love the sounds a guitar makes though. i also don't remember any music theory. i have a friend who's naturally talented at playing the guitar but they didn't enjoy it but even after years of not having picked up a guitar they can still play songs at birthday parties. i think it's funny that they are naturally good at it but they hate doing it and i love it but im not good at it at all.

3 notes · View notes

haemosexuality · 11 months ago

Text

i feel like im probably gonna be talking about this a lot here since i cant talk to Her about it and it really is bothering me so much

#but i feel bad about this too bc it just feels like im talking about her behind her back. which i am kind of. aughhhhhh #its just. idk large age gaps have just Always bothered me no matter how much my opinions on everything else change!!! i think its a bad idea #and dangerous! almosf everyone else she knows thinks its fine so maybe i am just annoying and insane but i literally cant change how i feel #ive tried #like theres. so much that could go wrong here #hes 10 Years Older. hes had experience dating. hes been an adult for 13 years #shes 21. has basically 0 experience dating. and her mental health is really not great #like she just realized she liked men too a few months ago and shes been in this cycle of getting really really obsessed with guys older than #her really fast and everything they do really affect her. she has trouble recognizing sus behavior and is too afraid of upsetting ppl to her #own detriment #i really hope that this guy is normal (as normal as you can be when ur 31 being with a 21 yr old) but if hes not then this has the potential #to go so so bad #and im worried #no one else seems to be tho so idfk!!! am i just too child brained compared to people who date. maybe. but im so worried

4 notes · View notes