#maybe after I have slept
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I’m with you, my love The lights shining through on you Yes, I’m with you, my love It’s the morning and just we two
#spike btvs#spuffy#spuffyedit#btvs#btvsedit#buffy the vampire slayer#it's terribly simple#you know you want to dance#injuries cw#bites and chews and gnaws on anyone who says buffy didnt love spike. BITES and CHEWS and GNAWS on them.#like is that not the whole point? of him? of his entire character arc? of his burning to ash as he breaks the sunnydale high school#(AKA buffy's personal cage within the slayer's cage that was sunnydale itself AKA the place where he and buffy first ever fought#and he nearly killed her for the very first time but was foiled by the immense love someone felt for her) as he breaks that place to rubble#in a way also very reminiscent of the first time they slept together and Literally Fucked A Building Down. anyway as he's doing ALL OF THAT#like sure she doesnt HAVE to love him she doesnt owe him anything and even if she did love isnt about obligation. but when buffy says#that she loves him in that scene. theres nothing to indicate that she doesnt feel it. that she isnt telling the truth.#idk man. people take a man who is dying telling someone not to love him as the gospel truth when i feel like its more ... like maybe he's#making a misguided effort to be kind? he's telling her ''dont get too hung up on the vampire thats about to catch on fire#and get your pretty ass out of here while you still can please.''#whatever. WHATEVER. in the perfect btvs that lives in my head most of ats isnt canon but esp the part where spike comes back and doesnt#immediately 1. ASK IF DAWN WAS OKAY 2. upon being told by angel that he cant be put in touch with buffy because [mumbles] misogyny?#go ahead and engage in a flirt campaign at harmony until she breaks down and calls buffy for him. those would be like the FIRST TWO THINGS#that spike did after he came back to unlife. first two things frfr#i'm gonna end the tag rant there. hmm
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something about max being dressed in lighter colors at the beginning of the game vs her almost being dressed in all black / just straight up dark colors near the end just scratches my brain so good
#maybe it means nothing#but i like it#the whole thing how lighter colors can usually symbolize feelings like hope and peace#i.e. max having high hopes for blackwell and her sorta new beginning#n then near the end after dealing with so many draining situations over the course of 5 days it just#makes sense to me that she wouldn't be wearing any bright colors#yknow ???#i'm bad with words sorry man#but like#seeing someone who's so bright personality wise be dressed in such a heavy outfit#i like how it subtly shows how much damage the weeks done to her (as if it wasn't already obvious but)#it would feel a little wrong almost seeing her do that scene in her bright pink jane doe shirt#like you can visually see the weight of the week weighing her down all through a simple outfit change#i'm rambling i haven't slept in almost a day#but you get what i mean right#it's a small thing but i feel like even something as small as an outfit#can really change how a certain scene is viewed#like the whole max wearing the same dress she wore to williams funeral to chloe's#AND wearing chloe's spike bracelet to the funeral too#instead of just a random black dress#but#different convo for different time#life is strange#max caulfield#lis
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The cape wrapping was too much for me I have to leave
#silver sending stones#cr spoilers#cr 3 e 108#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#he probably watched the loom and was like “this is what i signed up for. forever.”#dorym#i do not know how to feel#because this came at the end of such a harsh moment from orym?#he killed fearnes dad which will eat him alive for the rest of his life#he just yelled at everyone because theyre still not understanding that the gods leaving is not going to leave exandria as it was.#he is literally so spent.#hes so tired#and so guilty#(oh i have to update my list of things orym blames hinself for)#and as hes yelling. as hes pleading with his friends to see the calamity that will happen if the gods are gone.#he floats over to dorian.#arguably his biggest opposition#and when hes done. when hes tired himself out. he leans on dorian.#he leans on dorian probably with no expectations of reciprocation. he just. needs dorian in that moment.#and dorian. who has been fighting to get rid of the gods since they took opal and killed hia brother. who wants them gone more than anything#wraps orym in his cloak. a protective wing around him. a warm. same place for him to lean. to rest. even running his hands through his hair.#they have been fighting since dorian came back. theyve been on the opposite sides of each discussion. each argument. and yet#orym still finds comfort in dorian. and dorians still affectionate towards orym.#id like to believe they slept in the same bed that night. after weeks of... finding reasons not to.#theyre clean and newly dry and slightly cold and maybe Orym finds a bed and curls up alone because fearne isnt there. but she hasnt been#for a while. and he doesnt take up the whole bed. he cant. but he doesnt expect someone to join him.#and then when the lights are off and the crickets are chirping and the faint screaming of a new bush to lull him to sleep. his door opens.#he doesnt get up because he knows hes safe in the manor. despite how scary it is. hes fearnes friend and has a deal with nana.#so he doesnt move. he feels cool. soft skin on his back and arms wrapping around him. to protect him. to comfort him
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prosekai au where everything is absolutely the same except niigo, instead of being a music circle, is a fanfiction writing-ish group. kanade is a writer, mafuyu is her beta reader, ena makes fancomics based on kanade's fanworks and mizuki makes trailers for upcoming fics. and basically that's it. niigo lore but everything revolves around them being wattpad ao3 users
#cooking a fic out of this actually but i have to rewatch niigo main story for this . so maybe in july#additional details: kanade's dad fell into a coma because he overworked himself after kanade's writing abilities surpassed his own#(and kana's parents met bc kanadad was also a fic writer when he was young)#remember this scene where kanade made a song for her dad's bday when she was a kid. she wrote a whole story for him in here#ena's story still mainly revolves about art bcs. fancomics#mafumom absolutely despises writers it seems#and the fics are probably centered about miramagi (mizu's favorite anime) and that's how they met#kanade wants to write a fic that would save someone oh shes so like me fr#pjsk#project sekai#prsk#ri says things the tag#nightcord at 25#kanade yoisaki#mafuyu asahina#ena shinonome#mizuki akiyama#sorta projecting in here bcs lol#i slept two hours today bcs im in anguish trying to write smth for tsukasa's bday#of COURSE i'm gonna project into kanade
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I always think about how minus the people close to Anne and parts of the government, the rest of the world thinks that the s3 frogvasion was a hoax or a movie stunt gone wrong. Not only have the trio been through something no one else on earth can comprehend, but if they try to talk about it to even a therapist, they're more likely to be labeled as delusional or in psychosis.
#if i remember correctly (and i could be wrong)#doesnt the marcy journal imply that marcy went to therapy?#like how#you cant really explain that#and i think it says she was in the hospital after amphibia right...?#how did they explain her injuries#even disregarding the stab wound to her chest. she would have injuries all over from the core controlling her body#as well as whatever modifications the core made to make her a suitible host#like#she went missing for over half a year and had the most brutual injuries that shouldnt even be possible#and NO explaination#how did they explain that to the doctors?#i could be wrong btw#i havent read the marcy journal all the way through in a while#but i'm pretty sure it mentioned her being in the hospital post amphibia....?#or maybe i'm thinking of the fanfic i wrote when i was 16 about that + other fanfics/fanarts i've seen#i havent slept much but this is bothering me#amphibia#amphibia spoilers
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Anyway, it's like going on 6AM and I've been thinking about billford, so here's a snippet that my head cooked up before I forget.
#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#billford#handyman bill au#jesus the sun is rising right now when did it stop being pitch black#anyway this is based off an au i saw on twitter where bill gets send to the mystery shack to learn compassion and works for soos and melody#it's pretty cute#something something him spending time with ford during the summer and having to grow to accept that they are indeed divorced or whatever#maybe i'll actually finish this thing at some point. after my other little projects obvi. i haven't slept don't trust me about anything#i'm tired so toodles. buy gold or something#pardon any typos again i'm running on willpower and billford alone
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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Currently thinking that Pitbull’s (armando christian pérez) spidersona could be called Mr. Worldwide-Web
#yes it is 5am and no I have not slept#also yes I did message my friends this first and got mixed feelings but also most of them are still asleep#genuinely only thought about it because I was thinking of spidersona names based on puns/word play and thinking of a tech one being WWW#spidersona#honestly to tired to draw him as spider person but maybe after I sleep if I remember this when I wake up
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this was going to be like a mile long essay but i just realized the most concise way to say it is that "it feels like a retcon that blitz has been so resentful and hostile towards fizz all this time since he was supposed to feel guilty" is simply not a good criticism when we have been shown, time and time again, that blitz's number one defense mechanism when he feels guilty or judged or attacked is to lash out, to deflect and ignore all his responsibility, and to shift the blame to someone else. that's like. his defining character flaw
#- and that's WHY it was such a major THING for his arc!! that he apologized to fizz and accepted responsibility for what he did!!!#like. the fact that he said; EXPLICITLY; the words 'you're right; it was all my fault; i should have done better; i am so sorry' IS#SO BIG!!!! LIKE THAT IS SUCH A HUGE THING FOR HIM!!!!!#mine#helluva boss#blitzo helluva boss#helluva boss blitzo#blitz#e: oops#analysis#also its entirely reasonable that blitz would have gone spiraling down the thought process that maybe fizz always hated him if he could#blame him so easily when fizz was probably the one blitz was MOST counting on to hear him out#and the fact that fizz went on and got SUPER famous and successful after he was no longer performing with blitz - who i'm SURE had#only been given more and more shit for not being as good as fizz as they got older (by his dad and by himself) - he probably assumed fizz#blamed him for that too - holding fizz back with his own poor performance#which is why his insults towards fizz had always been 'overrated sellout' and insisting he slept his way to the top with ozzie.#he'd tear down fizz's quality as a performer because BLITZ feels insecure about his OWN quality as a performer#these tags have gotten so fucking long but that's the gist of the essay i was gonna write about this fjfdjjfghf#MEDIA ANALYSIS IS MY PASSION
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Me core
#my art#solarman#im not here this was queued#solarman rising#unofficial reboot#i literally feel this in my soul rn#when i say im bonkers insane this is what i mean#mental health non existent#im on another level#i have not slept at all#i think im losing it#just a little but#bit#i feel so sick#ill be fine after i actually sleep maybe idk#my stomach hurts#imma read these tags later and just wonder wtf was up with me lmao#anyway#love this guy#hes the padre of the main character of the comic im doing on webtoon#im in the middle of making chapter 2#it was delayed cuz my computer exploded#but im making progress on procreate so thats a plus#this is michael before the comic and before his kid just losing his mind#just like me :D
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What are your favorite Chase moments from the show so far?
Just like with Zuma's post, it's in no specific order, I just really loved all these moments
That first Mission PAW episode when the Princess chose specifically HIM to be the watch dog and guard her crown. That was so adorable I can't even. He seemed so genuinely proud and happy there! Plus he's so damn cute wearing that tux lol
When they were going to rescue Skye and Chase was so worried upon hearing that she was the one in need of rescue. Then when Ryder was choosing which pups would be part of the rescue, that moment he was like "Pick meee pick meeee-"?? That was so cute, he really cares about her and wanted to impress her so bad lmao personally make sure she would be safe (Bonus points for his excitement over being picked for the rescue and everyone else like Go ahead king, we all know you wanted this XD)
The entire time he spent with the owlet and working to rescue the mama owl from that fallen tree. It was so sweet!! The fact I also love owls surely didn't help AUSHAUSHAUSHAU I love that episode SO MUCH
That moment when he finally turned into a Merpup. Poor boy was so fixated on "being on duty" despite wanting SO BAD to go and participate in "the fun". And he couldn't even enjoy being a merpup immediately because he was transformed just because he needed to swim faster for the rescue but he was so overjoyed anyway! Only after that mess, he could go and finally have the fun he wanted and deserved so much.
That moment in the first Sea Patrol episode when he and Skye were left behind at the beach while the rest of the team went on the first mission with the Sea Patroller. His face upon SEEING the HQ turn into a ship and sail away was just priceless XD (Also it's rare to see Chase being put on the sidelines for once lmao)
The first Ultimate Rescue episode!! God, Chase was SO HAPPY. He's THE Police Pup, he gets to lead the mission, supervise, plan, give orders. And the way all the other pups clearly loved the experience and were SO ON BOARD with being Police Pups with him, it was just awesome!
So far these are my favorite moments! Actually I legit just got to watch this first Ultimate Rescue episode like one hour ago. Not to mention it took me five days to think of these moments and then go find the episodes again to take the respective screenshots XD
#Scheduled post#I'm leaving it ready as of 6 AM yeah guess who barely slept this night again hahaha :')#Would you guys believe it if I said it's a bit difficult to pick favorite Chase moments??#I feel the show lacks a bit of creativity on what to do with him#It only became more diverse on situations after they started having different special kinds of missions like Mission PAW and Sea Patrol#Otherwise it's always the same thing over and over again#“Use your net to catch something/someone falling!”#“Use your megaphone to keep people away from the danger!”#“Use your cones to redirect the traffic away from the streets we'll be working on!”#I swear he needs more actual action#He also needs more moments with the other pups like playing around or whatever#Or to have a hobby maybe#Zuma clearly has a lot of hobbies XD#Chase is a GREAT Pup but they're doing him wrong with all that#He can be so much more!#It makes me want to WRITE#HI I'M LARYSSA AND I'M FALLING FOR THE “LET'S WRITE SOME FANFIC” TRAP ALL OVER AGAIN#Anyway XDD#Thanks for the ask!!#Paw Patrol#Paw Patrol Chase#Chase
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small update
ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) 😔 I even wrote the full proof
my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 😔
scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.
I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.
#im so sorry for this meltdown once again#so sorry#and for the paper - many people got 20#it was actually a very easy paper and yes 20 was doable#even i could've gotten a 20 had i not screwed up the way i did#and i feel so bad to even say “had i not screwed up...” the excuse sounds horrible to my ears#well what is done is done#i can only try better next time#this course might just end up being the easiest to get an A#let's hope that I don't fuck up this one too#after seeing my paper i just returned it and came back#and my friend was like “ok. why did u not ask them why you've lost so much when the concepts are all right there on your paper?”#and i was like “um so should i ask them?” she went “YES.”#but by the time i went back to the hall the TAs had left so i have to mail mine now#and im very worried that she wouldn't change the current grading#last time i missed an A in math by 1/2 marks and i don't want the same thing to happen this time 😔😔#oh god ONE good thing can help me right now please#ru's trying#JUST 1 good thing#just give me ONE#i was so out of sorts today i slept for ~5 hours during the day and missed my calc class#i deliberately missed it though bc i wasn't feeling up to mark#i regret not going but my brain simply said no we're not there atm so maybe it was for the better#once again im so so SO sorry for the meltdowns lately#it's been bad rains and cloudy days in my head for a while now#i hope for the sun soon
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update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
#personal#and i have a working computer that's finally on windows 10 so that's one less thing to have background stress about#and i have a working phone for the first time in.. a year? 1.5 years? idfk. my previous phone was 16gb so i could fit like 2 apps#could barely take pictures (and couldnt store them) and couldnt update most of my apps because i couldnt update my os because no space#so every app ran slow and then eventually my phone would crash if i opened the storage section of the settings#so i couldnt even offload apps so i could delete them while keeping the data for when i downloaded them again#couldnt order medicine remotely because my chemist only lets you do that from the app (not the website)#couldnt control the aircon because that could only be done through an app#missed loads of stuff because i didnt have email notifications because i could only use my browser for emails#couldnt see tumblr polls on mobile because i couldnt update tumblr because i couldnt update my os#left the house less because i had to delete pokemon go and that genuinely helped me go for walks#ive been dealing with all that for a year so this is very exciting and such a ridiculous qol boost#it sucks how much something like that affects your life. what do you mean i need an app for everythingggg#but god im just glad peach is ok. like there was a moment when i was so stressed trying to update my computer because it wasnt working#and then she ate a small bit of food for the first time in 3 days and just. everything was suddenly fine again#and the other night i spent like 6 hrs just sitting here downloading and installing things on my computer#but it was fine because peach was on the chair next to me sleeping through the whole night and it was such a relief#my sister finally got her flight yesterday (after it was moved four days in a row) so that's just one less thing happening#ive started playing bg3 so that's cool and maybe ill get a chance to actually properly watch that new dav trailer lmao#that premiered at 2am on the first night peach was home from surgery and hadnt eaten or slept yet and i was too stressed to care about dav#and it really just went downhill for the next few days#god. ok. today is the first day i can actually breeaaaathe
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i like to think that before Wild Horses, the last time spike saw doohan was three years ago.
#doodles#fanart#cowboy bebop#pokemon#trainer bebop#ambipom#spike spiegel#doohan#this actually applies to the pokemon au as well as my own canon:#after leaving the syndicate spike crashed at the shop for a while#he mostly. uh. slept.#yknow. the injury + depression naps.#hes known doohan since he was a kid but theyve never Talked talked#so doohan mostly left him be#...after a while he did get increasingly concerned#but.#it basically manifested in a hardy ‘’its time to get up son’’ and it kind of woke spike up enough that#he managed to drag himself around for a while before eventually disappearing one night.#anyways. ambipom doesnt have a name yet but he is doohans partner.#a thought i had earlier today is maybe he has the elemental monkies too…but im not sure. idk.#ambipom for sure. hes always had an ambipom. to me.
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Farm Lexa has this hand bound book she made back when she was around sixteen. She made it to keep her pressed flowers. The very first page has pressed daisies and a date below them followed by a happy scribble, "Clarke asked me on a date."
The dandelion Clarke put in her hair after their first kiss. A black eyed susan they picked after their first time as they walked around the run down farm.
The petals of the deep red roses Clarke gifted Lexa the day they decided to get engaged.
One of each of the flowers Lexa walked down the aisle with. One of each of the flowers from Clarke's bouquet.
The english primrose that popped up in Lexa's garden not long after little Madi laughed for the first time.
The Lilly of the Valley a baby Saige found fascinating because fairies lived in them.
The poppies the twins ended up ripping from her garden because it matched their hair.
The small piece of baby's breath that showed up around the tree where they buried their baby soon after Lexa stepped out of her grief.
The sunflower petals that remind her of Clarke and their little sunshine boy Aden.
Every wild flower the kids offered her. At least one petal from the bouquets Clarke got her. Her favorite flowers from her garden. The ones she found on walks. All dated, all with a note on why they made her smile.
#ignoreme.jpg#farm clexa#it is 5 am i have not slept and i am thinking of Lexa in her greenhouse#its such a small thing in the middle of the farm#barely big enough for more than one person to be inside#but it has a table for Lexa to make bouquets to sell#and a little table where she dries and presses her flowers#its a quiet place in a house so full of babies#and yet it is all windows and she can always see what is happening#they find her little notebook when she passes#sitting in the cramp living room her children and her grandchildren and maybe even her great grandchildren#she is gone but lived a good life#and now here are all the people she loved looking at the little keepsakes she kept of their love for her#Clarke's wrinkling hand shaking with age and the pain of losing her wife touching the daisy#shed been so nervous holding the flowers in her hand after buying them at the market to go and ask lexa out#so excited to go on a date with her#it was a lifetime ago#they dated they married they had chilsren they built a life#oh and what a life#:') bye
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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air#med school students walking to their lectures#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway#standing up it just feels so#exhausting#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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