#maybe a warning for personal talk?
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Been thinking a lot about this “the family plays isat” AU and how it might happen
Siffrin would probably refuse for them to play it if he was aware of it (thinking about how they said when learning about the diary in the library that they would hate it if someone read their deepest thoughts) and the rest of the family would also respect that, because it really would be a breach of trust. They’d prefer it if Siffrin talked to them himself, after all.
A situation I could see it happening is if, post-Loop battle, Siffrin’s Craft exhaustion got so severe he gets knocked out for a full week or two, maybe more! And the family would be so worried and desperate to understand what happened so that if the game appeared to them suddenly, they’d be tempted enough to play through it. If only just to figure out how to help Siffrin wake up again
(and probably a mixture of other emotions too, wanting to see the conversations Siffrin had with them that they don’t remember, feeling guilty that they didn’t notice soon enough, terrified that Siffrin is hiding something else. I mean, Siffrin straight up did not mention the Loop battle to them at all, even after they promised to talk! so they’d be worried on what happened there already)
Honestly I think all of them would also be exhausted and on bed rest after the whole quest to defeat the King was over, it took months of constant movement and stress so the whole family would crash hard afterwards. Cuz of that they’d be stuck together on like the infirmary or a private room with strict orders to take it easy, what better time to play the game than that?
#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#idk how the game appeared to them tho LOL maybe the change god thought it would be hilarious and beamed it to them#or or!! mirabelle prayed for it and since she’s their fav they sent it to her#thinking of them playing it on the same room as Siffrin. glancing back at him in concern the more the game goes on#they wouldn’t have him to warn them so unfortunately they get to have the Bonnie death trauma together oops#hell it would force them to confront their own insecurities together as well! mirabelle revealing that she was never blessed by the change#god and them comforting her. the family quests where each person gets to talk more in detail about their problems. all of them holding each#other accountable to the whole ‘you gotta talk about your feelings and don’t bottle them up’ and they all listen and reassure each other#although I’m unsure how much mirabelle wants to know about her own family quest considering how she said she wanted to figure it out herself#lots of thoughts to be had#moon speaks
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just realised suika might've experienced her period the first time during those 7 years of petrification ALL ALONE
#she must've thought she was on the verge of dying#like the village ppl and kohaku mightve not even talked abt periods to her before and warned her beforehand#and she had to rediscover everything again like the first person to get it#suika u are so strong#on the other hand she wasnt that young from the start so maybe she mightve been aware of it#im unclear on her age ngl#google says 9 so yea#tho even if she was aware of periods it's still sad that she had to go through it alone the first time#dr stone#suika
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Complaint that the best thing I've ever written might be this fic where Sukuna's milk-dripping tiddies save us from the shibuya incident
#I want to rewrite it better and in second person#The point of this post was to ramble in the tags about how I keep writing chapters months in the future instead of the next chapters that#I need to be writing#I thought it would be funny#jjk crack#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanfic#ao3 fanfic#crack fic#crack taken seriously#I tried to keep it lore accurate 😤#Sukuna's milk#Sukuna lactating#Shibuya incident#I would be embarrassed if I didn't think it was funny#But it is funny#Cw for cannibalism I guess#Sukuna is his own warning#So is the shibuya incident though I did save a lot of them#Technically sukuna did#sukuna fanfic#true form sukuna#Sukuna's incarnation method changed and the fingies were a backup plan so#Yuuji is not sukuna's vessel#Sukuna has no vessel#But eating fingies did give him like a CE Stat boost#The lore is explained I just would feel weird reading a fic where a kid is lactating bc he's demon possessed so#That's why I'm spoiling it in the tags lmaoooo#Or maybe lore is explained more in the sequel but I'm not going to talk about that
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#alia talks#turning 25 this month and I was having some semi existential crises this month#but I was thinking#when I was 18 I dropped out of [prestigious uni] half way thru first sem bc I couldn’t hack it#stayed T home and did community college for 3 years before transferring to [comparatively mid tier ranked] uni#I used to feel so much shame over it#And fear over whether or not I’d get a job move out etc#But now that I’m halfway thru my 20s I’ve been looking back#and as of right now I’m the only person in my family with health insurance#One of the things my parents used to warn me about was that by age 26 you cannot be in your parents insurance in the USA#So by that point I needed to have a full time job#And I used to be scared ghat I’d never make it#And now I’m a year away from 26#And I’m employed full time w health insurance coverage#Meanwhile both my parents are currently unemployed/self-employed#And most likely cannot ever get a full time job for [reasons]#And my younger sibs don’t have health insurance due to being uni students#(I mean they do through their college maybe)#Just that currently in my family I’m the only one with health insurance through my job#Something I was afraid I wouldn’t have at this age or something that I’d lose#And after nearly 7 years of having ShameTM over it
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Ugh
#j talks#gonna dump SO MUCH here be warned this is just. my brain being poured into the internet#i think i actually need to go back to therapy real.#first of all my bumble experiment basically crashed and burned bc i dont feel like responding to anyone anymore after a week LOL SOB#sorry to the people i have been talking to i will answer soon.ish.#maybe i am just feeling bad bc period idk but also#i ended up caving and actually asking my work crush to lunch BUT honestly. i haven't even been feeling butterflies lately so#i think i am kinda over him but i need to confirm. bc i am. insane. anyway#i've always wondered if i'm bipolar but i especially felt it this week i think i need to go to therapy.....#also i have been reflecting on my feelings of dating and having a new person *in my life*#and i just. i don't think i want a new person i just need to work on my current relationships.#in other words i think i have been self isolating too much but also i think everyone around me has also been busy#also the feeling of wanting to change my life hit so hard i feel so TRAPPED#and i know its not true i know i have changed and yet#i'm still the same !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but i know who i don't want to be (my parents) and yet I know what i am (my parents child)#I need to get out of here i just need to break myself out i need to save myself no one will save me#i know i'm just looking for things i already have in my life i'm just so bad at maintaining it and yet i also crave#romance. for no good reason. i think i just want to love. for real. i want to experience it properly this time again.#the world is so shit and i wish i could dig myself out of this hole#anyways. i'm gonna need to have a serious talk with some people i thinks
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my ice cream is all melted and i tried to eat it and i couldnt cause im physically unable to eat much or fast and now im sad and annoyed and so much ice cream wasted ughh fuck my life
ok ok so after writing tags for this i need to complain.
TUMBLR STOP FUCKING CENSORING EATING DISORDERS. IT DOESN'T HELP AND IT MAKES TALKING ABOUT UNRELATED EATING DIFFICULTIES WAY HARDER
it is so so so fucking annoying that the tags i could use to explain my autistic eating problems are caught in this crossfire. this is fucking bullshit and entirely stems from the censorship
and actually with that i'm just generally anti-censorship. it's ineffective at improving lives and it causes too much collateral damage
#food#tw food#mild vent#dysphagia#← maybe? idk. i think is caused at least partially by autism. just feels uncomfy to eat fast#in earlier childhood just eating at all was so difficult but mostly gotten through that#just like. snacking constantly both helped manage the malnutrition from it and helped me get comfortable eating (especially swallowing)#autism#eating problem#yeah after that proper rant i have to add more tags →#eating disoder trigger warning#ALSO WHY THE FUCK ARE THE TRIGGER WARNING TAGS MADE UNSAFE TO USE??? LIKE STAFF SHOULD SPECIFICALLY ENCOURAGE PROPER TAGGING#I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SITE. WHY CAN'T I JUST USE THE STANDARD TW [THING] FORMAT???#i hope tumblr gets independent. ceo gets tired of funding it. and it gets crowdfunded like ao3. alternatively we let it die and move elsewe#rant#disordered eating mention#fuck this shit. fuck this site. like sure i understand abiding by whatever laws you have to abide by. but it's such fucking bullshit still#also for the record i'm not advocating any eating disorders. i'm just against censorship because it's ineffective and causes way too much#collateral damage. i'm for recovery and personally mostly recovered. the way to do that is to encourage recovery not to punish the lack of#it. and ofc censorship also makes talking about recovery more difficult#is like with training: positive reinforcement. not negative reinforcement#long tags
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todays award for 'man what the fuck' goes to reddit for making me see pr0/-ship discourse in goddamn 2023. thought we were past that but i guess not
#spitblaze says things#i am once again reminding ppl that media and fan content are not created or consumed in a vacuum#you do not need to whitewash all 'taboo topics' from any work but maybe like. warn people up front. listen to minorities and csa victims#consider if yelling at strangers on the internet is actually helping anybody at all. esp the people you purport to be helping#realize that most people think grown-adult and literal-child pairings are gross for a reason and they arent just pearl clutching prudes#(im talking like 'this character is 10 and this one is 35' not 'this one is 17 and this one is 18'. yes ive seen it. yes i hate it)#idk. have a set of personal values rather than trying to align urself with some movement or group or whatever#also maybe give a little less leeway to ppl making purposefully tittilating csa content? even if it IS fiction???#at that point its not 'exploring dark subject matter' anymore its just jerkoff material. maybe you can afford to be a bit more discerning#also. learn what a maladaptive coping mechanism is please#thats it i just. dont want to think about this shit ever agaaaaaain
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me, the symptoms experiencer, experiencing symptoms: wow gee i wonder what the fuck is happening right now i have no context for why i could possibly feel bad, surely i'm not experiencing symptoms. me, when i figure out it's the symptoms:
#gif warning#medical stuff#man getting labled as a hypochondriac at a formative age (any) was a hell of a kick to the balls#i don't even have those#and yet#me when i've been told all my symptoms can't be real and that i was makign it up for attention so i started just not talking about them#even though in private without anyone around i was still experiencing the symptoms i decided i just Wasn't#because why would my parents be wrong about that - they loved me right?#so if something was concerning they'd be worried if it was a real thing - i wasn't making it up but maybe i was#no one should have taught my father the term psychosomatic#he's the reason it's had to go up on the shelf#mom flat out telling me it was impossible that [redacted] because i was quote ''too young'' for it to be happening#so now i'm old and it's a Real Big Fucking Deal I guess#i'm experiencing the flare/crash i was anticipating and - thank fuck - my brain isn't going down the tubes with it#which is a fucking miracle because this is the lead up to my period and *normally* that's when the PMDD hits real fucking bad#but in a stroke of luck (???) my body decided it was just going to smash itself into the ground Krillin-style#and as i lay here in the crater of my own body's making i'm just like. well at least i don't want to die#which is truly the most throwing thing of everything actually#anyway....#got hEDS put on my medical file for reals though so like#that's in there#that exists#also the look of HORROR on the nurse tech's face when i showed how much distance my hips spread *every month* for my period#i'm LITERALLY going into labor monthly and i've been doing that since i was 11#no fucking WONDER my body has collapsed out from under me if we even just go by that fucking metric like godDAMN#ugh anyway.... i'm. this was NOT the stuff i wanted to focus on this year for personal growth and healing but we're doing it now i guess!#fuck! goddamn! piss in a cup#i have also... failed to do the task i was meant to today and technically there's still time but it's uh. i. i'm gonna need to ask for help#and i HATE asking for help especiallywhen i need it most#another thing my parents have to answer for when they greet whatever judge they find at the end of their lives
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#ive been stressing all day about a purchase i'm not even making lol#i have mental problems sjfmsjg#no but for real i was reviewing the tablet i had decided on to buy in the distant future#and found out it's actually not very good for drawing which is the sole reason i want to get a tablet#and i got physical symptoms of anxiety and dread as if i had wasted money#on a thing I DIDN'T BUY#but then i found another tablet which is good for drawing and it's a bit more expensive#and once again i got the anxiety levels of someone being hunted for sport#for another product I DIDN'T BUY#but it's just this horrible timing thing that's making me anxious#because it's a lot of money that i have to spend on this#and I don't have a regular income#and my country's economy is hell to the point that by tomorrow the price could double without warning#and there's also there's some sales coming so maybe i should wait til then#but then also i have to catch the sale and the product i want#and also the holidays are coming so the price might spike up#and i never know when the correct time to buy anything is!!#and this folks is why I don't gamble lol#no but for real... i have been panicking all day and I don't even have a proper reason#i could also live without the tablet very well so it feels like a waste of money in general#so...#i have issues with spending money...#especially because I don't know when it's gonna be the next time i get work#could be next week... could be in six months... could be never again...#if i just could get hired for a proper project woth a decent pay...#ahhh the dream :')#ok i'm gonna go to bed now (if my stupid ear '''''infection'''''' lets me...)#life is hell but at least i got to boop people today <3#angel talks#personal
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Merlin but Merlin loses it when Arthur dies and instinctively starts a time loop and every time Arthur dies it automatically resets...for angst purposes it could stay tragic..no matter what he does to change the past kilgharra was right. no one can change their destiny nor can they escape it. or by starting this time loop at all he's doing is preventing the rise of the once and future king so by staving off Arthur's death he's actually preventing anyone from ever really living again. a never ending story with one character aware of the narrative but powerless to change it. a puppet with a brain but no autonomy to put it to use. A tragedy of his own making instead the one prophesized
#so that it doesn't work on the first try maybe morgana remembers and interferes or#maybe future Merlin is a sort of apparition that can only act if his old body lets him. he talks to past him like a ghost or demon even#so what he's saying directly contradicts kilgharra or gaius so present merlin probably distrusts him like crazy#merlin becomes another old annoying person in his own ear#who he doesn't even know if he can trust#OR he ends up sending arthur back by accident and arthur is in the past trying to fix shit#and this CHANGES something because now there's warnings of a great ending of all things coming for Camelot and by extension albion#and arthur knowing about Merlin's powers after keeping his knowledge to himself (cos he died RIGHT after learning about the magic)#finally understands the burden merlin had without having to try and understand based on Merlin's summary of an explanation alone#he understands morgana and mordred even nimueh like he GETS it gets it#anyway time goes on canon events are rewritten and the 'great evil' rips a giant hole in space and time and it turns out#future merlin was the cause. because he was smashing alternate realities to pieces looking for arthur is desperation#not knowing where the hell he even sent him breaking any known laws of time and space and reality consequences be damned#arthur cannot kill merlin. he cannot do it. not even for Camelot#so this can be angsty too like merlin loses himself completely in the search for arthur (paralleling the og timeline where Merlin ends up#singularly focused on Arthur's safety instead of his true mission)#and it literally swallows him and their entire known world up#or they get through to him. arthur AND past merlin. seeing that past him was able to diverge from the set path. live more for himself#than just arthur or for the sake of camelot be a PERSON outside of that. and have knowledge that he DID change arthur's mind.#not just as a useless deathbed confession but as something that actively changed and SAVED albion redeemed him of the mistakes he made and#proved that arthur is the man the KING he told every antagonist he was#future merlin sacrifices himself to destroy the black hole he made and it's like that future never even was.#just a bad nightmare you can't really remember.#just thinking about Merlin god bless#bbc merlin#fic ideas
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You ever just want to talk about Bertl,
#i . ooc .#The tags got so long just warning U now!#OK I know his appearance wasn't the longest but like. I'll never stop talking about him because he doesn't get enough credit? rip.#I know it's not really relevant any more because post-timeskip everyone is a lot better but. Referring to everyone's skill as of pre.#Reiner said Bertolt was the strongest of all of the shifters but he held himself back. He came 3rd without giving his all. Or really trying#I hc he held himself back to try not to let too much of his strength show bc people forget he had military training b4 joining the 104th.#And ofc. Also to not bring too much attention to himself bc of who he really is???#The way he mastered his Titan straight away and also has such a good handle on it.#Out of the 3 shifters he was the one that stayed true to the mission. Despite his reluctance he's got the strength and commitment.#People are so quick to say he relies on Reiner too much. And while he does at times. Reiner relies on him just as much if not more. Even if#Reiner doesn't realise it. Bertolt keeps him on track and has no one supporting him at all.#In COTT arc... U see him dodge Mikasa who is an Ackerman and seen as one of the strongest characters in the series...#And the same in RTS. Everyone gets too distracted by Mikasa to actually pay attention to how he dodges her 4 times?? Even tho she attacks#from behind? And the way he lands a hit on her. I just *screams*. I love how many times she tries to kill him. lol#How effective he is when he abandons his guilt and this is sort of irrelevant but. It's so special to me because as someone who is#a quiet person irl round people I don't know well. Who has it brought up a lot. I just adore when a character that remains in the#background just comes out and says enough is so hhhhh I know his reasons aren't good BUT RTS BERT... AH.#Also gotta talk about his marksmanship skills in a thread at some point?? Maybe Mp bert I J UST..#Anyway I might do a cheeky revamp of graphics n icons and that. Dunno yet. Need to actually write that'd be good lol.#This account is a lovebot didn't U know.
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i do think being unconditionally loved is an experience that can be so so healing actually. it cant ever fix anything alone but to feel loved and valued and considered is something that makes carrying burdens just that little bit easier. to trust that youre someone they think about when youre not around, because they tell you. to feel like youre someone important to them because they tell you. to feel safe in knowing youre not being too intense, too annoying, too much, because everything you offer is offered right back without a seconds hesitation. this isnt something i ever thought id get to have, but i found it when i wasnt even looking. and no, it still isnt easy. it doesn't change most things. but it gives you a reason to try.
#not to get sappy or anything#nyxtalks#feelings warning ahead#i don't know i guess im all up in my feelings but. just knowing someone thinks about me when im not around has been kinda life changing#it seems so silly. to put so much weight on just 'hey youre not here but i wanted to tell you this'#but i genuinely mean it when i say that i didnt think id ever have it. that i thought it was asking too much to expect people to remember#i exist when im not actively forcing my presence on them. but she makes it feel like the easiest thing in the world to do#and it makes me want to believe that i deserve that because shes one of the most wonderful people ive ever had the pleasure of knowing#and if /she/ can see that in /me/ then who am i to tell her shes wrong?#i do still worry about so much. i do still think horrible things about myself. those things dont just go away#just because of a little consideration. but i want to see the person she sees. i want to be worthy of the love she shows me#i wish i could tell the person sobbing on their bathroom floor in January about how she doesnt stop. how she manages to be everything#you could possibly want without ever even asking.#i dont want to misrepresent how hard it still is. its not changed. but i think i value myself just a fraction more now#talking to her has also helped my understand myself a lot. introspect on so many things#maybe its not the healthiest take to want to be doing better for somebody elses sake but.#is wanting to do her proud really so bad?
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Man.
I need a fucking postit note on my forehead saying 'interact at your own risk' cause like. I fucking suck at talking to people wow.
#ghosti talks#hey everyone its wrens ranting wednesday wassup.#sometimes i just be talkin to people and wow. i suck so much why are these people talking to me still#ive had that all day#so sorry to anyone i have talked to today ive stopped functioning properly#especially that poor kid who gave me their friends secret santa cause the person it was meant for stopped being friends with them#im sorry im too autistic too hang out with you mate ToT#thanks for the chocolate tho its good :3#but yea. i cannot talk and i dont know how obvious it is#im just gonna die for a bit#maybe put a warning in my discord status who knows
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Reading a bunch of @the-wheatley-core's analysis I'm eating really good right now
#YOU UNDERSTAND#YOU UNDERSTAND HIM#I LOVE THIS#THANK YOU#IDK WHY THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME#MAYBE BECAUSE I KIN HIM#BUT GOD#IT'S SO GOOD#Like a lot of people I like to joke about “teehee moron core” but I know he's really not one#He is not stupid. He is distracted impulsive anxious but he's trying his best#All his life people have treated him just as a good for nothing idiot#the “Intelligence Dampening Sphere”#Imagine if you were literally created to be a moron and everyone reminded you of that all the time#Wheatley has so many personal issues that he never talks about. He feels “tiny and insignificant".#He feels like nobody cares#Until he gets in the chassis and finds an unhealthy coping mechanism through the euphoria he gets from the tests#He focuses so hard on trying to reach the euphoria hit that he procrastinates on preventing the facility from crumbling down.#The warnings stress him. He wants to think that everything is and will be fine. That he is in control for once#And he focuses on the one thing that can make him happy#Having ADHD and anxiety myself I relate to Wheatley a lot#I know what it feels like to think you're not good enough#That you're efforts are overlooked#To bottle up your feelings deep down until there's that one thing that makes you breakdown#And Wheatley didn't talk about his problems until the very end of the game#anyway yeah I kin him#When I call him dumb it's more due to aggressive affection really
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