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#maybe I'll understand eventually
no-one-hears-me · 1 year
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wow I really am terrified of gaining weight
#ed tw#idk what my motivation for all of this is#I've considered that I want to look sick and like. make my mental problems visible#but I'm actually very embarrassed about this and hide it. I get uncomfortable if people ever mention my eating habits#it's not really for looks bc I understand that being such an unhealthy size isn't attractive? at least when it involves unhealthy methods#makes me look like a sickly little corpse#also I lose a lot of muscle mass bc of this which is sad bc I like lifting weights. but I ruin all my work and progress#ik a common ed theme is control but I've never really related to that tbh#I also think it could just be a weird form of perfectionism since I'm just worried about numbers but idk#bc I still think I look too fat and that's not just numbers#but ig it still could be me striving for perfection overall and that includes both numbers and appearance?? but idk#what I know is that I feel accomplished for not eating. losing weight makes me really happy#gaining weight makes me upset even though ik it's just water retention and whatever. not actual weight gain#I just don't wanna see the scale number go up#I've been doing this for years and I still don't understand why. none of my psychoanalysis attempts have given a solid answer#maybe I'll understand eventually#except starving destroys your brain function. no wonder I can't figure out my reasons for this 😭😭😭#so like. I've never actually recovered but I am way funnier and cooler in my moments of partial recovery#that makes me sad too bc I don't wanna eat but I can't deny its benefits#Sera
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harrowscore · 5 months
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can't believe a show based on a videogame (usually games adaptations are notoriously bad, which isn't the case here tho) gave me the beauty and the beast/twisted mirrors/enemies to traveling companions/ruthless antihero+optmistic but still badass heroine who takes none of his shit/age gap but make it sexy dynamic of my dreams. as much as i love maximus and i think he deserves the best writing ever because 1. he's a clever deconstruction of the aspiring Knight bro who's actually a bit of a loser and, as much as lucy, sees the world in black&white at first and then doesn't get what he thought he wanted but what he needs (or at least i hope he'll eventually get it), and 2. he's a cutie and i want an epic love story for him too, it's very funny how they tried to give us a puppy kind of romance and the tumblr girlies still fixated on the "toxic ~she bites his finger off and he cuts hers off and sews it on his hand in what we'll pretend it's a symbolic marriage rings exchange or whatever~ asshole who used to be a nice guy/good girl™ with a lot of spunk and hidden anger but unshakeable morals" kind of relationship.
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ambitionsart · 8 months
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So... Deadlands but make it a Guild?
Putting it under read more because there's a lot.
So given the Deadlands characters have very little backstory we are headcannoning a lot here. Bare with me.
Edie, I imagine as a rouge (was torn with bard), who uses her sweet charms to get the information she needs. Picks up shifts in taverns in exchange for a roof for a few days.
Garnet is just Prudance 2.0. Since we don't know much of backstory, I can imagine her being a reserved magic user who does not talk about where her magic comes from, because lets be honest a less than savoury patron really doesn't go down well. (Also the idea of her having like a deck of many things, or where her patron picks the cards delt to deal damage would be fun)
Silas, I'm sorry this man is a barbarian. There is no other thing he could be, it's the unfiltered rage. Though I liked the idea of him duel wielding blades like his pistols. Also having miss matched armour to reflect he used to be someone important, the hints of his 'law man' image.
Nate, Okay so. Nate I struggled with. I'm thinking a paladin of some kind? Also I don't know how to translate, was at one point dead and now lives on alcohol and jerky, other than the common stereotype of Dwarves. So. Yeah. Sorry Nate. Though I do imagine him keeping his shirt as if it was something his late wife embroiderd for him and now it's too sentimental to get rid of so it's got patches holding it together.
Delacy, the idea of this relatively human party having a child half orc running around with them felt apt but also the level of humor of oxventure. Also Delacy being an unusually strong child also very good. I can imagine him being a fighter or some combat specific class.
If anyone has any better ideas, hit me up I'm not 100% on all of these, so please add your own to them.
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i3utterflyeffect · 2 months
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creature
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hard agree w ur take on historical discussions around queer identity. I'm in English and we deal with similar stuff as I'm sure you know and it's exhausting. like yes, it's complicated! yes the words we have now didn't exist back then! but that doesn't mean we can't bring history into our present moment and discuss how it resonates!! i personally really resonate w medievalist Carolyn Dinshaw discussing queer touches across time in her work (esp in her 2012 book How Soon Is Now? for anyone interested), among others, but I've mostly explored this discussion in the Renaissance onward from a literary perspective. I'd love to know who else you're reading/thinking with on this subject, especially within classics!
i mean it's not my take, i just reblogged a post, i honestly haven't done that much reading/thinking about it except i guess i think arguing whether or not someone is gay or bi is maybe one of the least interesting ways to engage, whether they're a historical figure or fictional character or celebrity or whatever else. but like... despite the url, sexuality and gender identity in the ancient world isn't something i've spent a lot of time working with at this point, like i enjoy casual conversations about it and i'm sure i will eventually get really deep into it academically but i'm not there now. so while i do agree with that post i'm not necessarily the person to ask for more on the subject.
however the original post is by @kallistoi who may or may not have more to say on the subject, so i will redirect you to them and/or to anyone else who feels like they have something to add!
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scatterghosts · 2 years
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Deuteronomy 2:10 by The Mountain Goats // Deep in Canyon by BJ Yang
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volivolition · 2 days
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volition and empathy childhood best friend propaganda RAUGH!!
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the-priestess-of-dawn · 10 months
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FEH Validar... is going to have no choice but to go through some character development. Aversa regained her memories. 4/5 of the Grimas summoned have lost theirs, and the 5th, despite being the most powerful, is also the saddest, openly admitting to feeling empty inside. Things just aren't the same as they were in his home world.
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hero-of-the-wolf · 13 days
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If you're not sure how to do music you could also do a jukebox musical where you use already existing music for the show. You just tweak it or change the context of the music :D
TRUE
you're so very right, however the part that attracts me the most about writing a musical is the creating the music part 🥺 I love music sm, and I love listening to videos about music theory and the intentional and clever choices that composers make, even if a lot of it goes over my head 😔
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being just Slightly 'more' autistic than the average tumblr user is fucking hard actually
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kk-cats · 2 months
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They dream, sometimes. Of things far-too-real and surreal and impossibly clear.
Faded edges.
Dull and dead.
They look at their 爷爷, sometimes. He's not dead. But sometimes he is. Rarely. It's terrifying.
They will not allow that.
So they build up Alfred Pennyworth in their head. A gleaming statue, a constant pillar. And when they see the despairing ones left behind, they turn their gaze towards that pillar.
Alfred Pennyworth does not die.
That is one of the truths of their world.
But they would not be Corus Wayne if he was the only one there. (What happens when you take away their pillars, their light? What happens when you take away their family? Is there even anything left?)
They see an acrobat, sometimes. Strong and dependable. Angry beneath the surface. A neck snapped crushed under a pillar they see-they see- and they are terrifi-
No.
They build up Dick Grayson in their head. A gleaming statue, a constant pillar. And when they see the dead body, they turn their gaze towards that pillar.
Dick Grayson does not die.
That is one of the truths of their world.
They see a guide, sometimes. Deft fingers over a keyboard. Legs that will never walk again. A guide. A mentor. She does not tell the future, but her name fits her well anyway. Competent in ways they could never hope to me.
They build up Barbara Gordon in their head. A gleaming statue, a constant pillar. And when they stumble and their legs buckle beneath them, they turn their gaze towards that pillar.
Barbara Gordon does not die.
That is one of the truths of their world.
They see a regret, sometimes. Not theirs. Someone else's. Bitter and charred, smoke clinging on. Death-defier, Gotham's child. He was already dead. But they see a world where he is not-quite-a-knight, and broken resentment drips down his arms.
They build up Jason Todd in their head. A gleaming statue, a constant pillar. And when they see the not-quite-knight, they turn their gaze towards that pillar.
Jason Todd is still fighting on.
That is one of the truths of their world.
They see a detective, sometimes. Smart and curious and maybe just a bit too curious, a bit too inquisitive. They see someone who chose this path and stayed on it.
They build up Tim Drake in their head. A gleaming statue, a constant pillar. And when they see that accursed lie- that accusation- they turn their gaze towards that pillar.
Timothy Drake does not die.
That is one of the truths of their world.
They see a child, sometimes. Once assassin, now more than that. Blood-son. But kind nonetheless, to creatures of four legs and wings and other such things. They glimpse at a world where his heart turns cold, a world where he is judge-jury-executioner.
They build up Damian Wayne in their head. A gleaming statue, a constant pillar. And when they see the executioner, they turn their gaze towards that pillar.
Damian Wayne does not die. That is one of the truths of their world.
They see a man, sometimes. A figure. An ideal. Vengeance-justice-fear and hope. A father prepared for anything- almost. Almost. They see someone scared. Someone who pushes everything away. They see dead eyes. Hollow. Gone.
They build up Bruce Wayne in their head. A gleaming statue, a constant pillar. And when they see those dead-dull eyes, they turn their gaze towards that pillar.
Bruce Wayne does not die.
That is one of the truths of their world.
Let's shatter those pillars, shall we?
Let's see what the world is without them.
They see a fool, sometimes. Something loved when it should not be. Something desperate and dangerous. It disgusts them. Irks them. It is a parasite.
They build up Corus Wayne in their head. A cruel warning. A constant reminder. And when they crumble to their knees- they cannot turn their gaze away.
Corus Wayne always survives.
Must that really be a truth of their world?
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autumnrory · 4 days
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i rmr when all the initial meta around endgame was coming out people were talking about steve being depressed and whatnot and it's like well yeah but he's BEEN depressed, like he woke up alone in this century and he kept going, now i can understand it being worse this time after finding a family and getting bucky back and losing them all except of course that's not why endgame steve was on about so like......the people writing meta were trying to connect these things that of course weren't really there on screen because that simply wasn't our steve
but i think it really could've been SO interesting to see this is the thing that finally makes steve stay down like he's lost so much and he just CAN'T keep fighting like i get some people think that's what they were going for but considering the ending......it's really not. and so i'm just thinking about a version after iw, maybe he gets some of the thor treatment except not turning his depression into a dumb fatphobic joke lol and maybe nat and others are trying to get through to him and it just doesn't work and then we get some flashbacks (which you could have done for all the original avengers actually which would be particularly important for bruce and nat and clint who did not have their own trilogies) including his mom telling him "you always stand up" and THAT being the thing to finally get him moving like it would've been such a perfect way to finally show sarah rogers some respect and ACTUALLY show steve really struggling instead of whatever they tried to do with him in that movie
#steve rogers#mcu#anti endgame#why am i still rewriting this movie five years later#really though i think i rmr just trying to work through it all#and a lot of the meta i was reblogging initially still wasn't really accurate to endgame or the rest of the mcu#like they were still making steggy more important than it canonically was while trying to explain why it was a bad ending#and it's kind of like you can say steve would respect that peggy had a life and wouldn't interfere with it but that's about it like#going on about how he DID love her so much and just wouldn't be selfish enough to do those things#or that she was soooo important to his moral compass (hence why so many fic writers had her telling him to go back to bucky lol insanity)#are just not accurate lmao i do think much as she may be rightfully disliked#while canonically he did not LOVE her he did respect her even if we think that's annoying bc she's an asshole to him in catfa#but yeah no he had a moral compass before her i understand what people were going for with the compass being symbolic but like....#any time she said anything did he listen? except for maybe when she told him he was meant for more? it really doesn't seem like it#nor did he need it! jesus! the whole point of catfa is he was chosen for a REASON he was already a good man#he did not need peggy 'sure i'll let nazis into shield' carter to teach him shit#but yeah it was bc i followed one stucky blog at the time who was reblogging a lot of good shit but a lot of that nonsensical shit too#and i was just reblogging it all bc everything sounded better than endgame#and i really did start seeing more of the discussions around peggy where her culpability in catws hadn't even occurred to me#bc i was so in fic from the beginning of joining fandom that not only was their relationship made as impt as stucky#it was also made out like what happened to shield was hurting her legacy and it's like...but she had to have at least SOME responsibility#and yeah eventually it's like okay no it's not just that steve wouldn't Do That it's also that they would've been a terrible couple#and not only would he not be so selfish but he wouldn't give up everything for HER lmao but he would've for bucky as was shown over and ove
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baldurs-gate-official · 9 months
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All that trauma and bullshit and he still has the capacity to trust and have a healing journey?? To love? I think a lot of people don't fully grasp just how difficult that is
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rinbylin · 7 months
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remembering tonight "变得不适应因为它们原本来自江河大海 世上本不应该有池塘" (said by a monk character) and thinking about the sea being repeatedly suggested to be the place with the last traces of lxy - and llh - in this world
#rough tl: 'they found themselves out of place bc they came from the rivers and sea. there ought not to be ponds in the world to begin with'#(it's just going home)#lz 1994 is not a perfect film to me but it's got some banger lines that GET IT.#once again this is not anything new i'm saying about lhl/llh but everyday i ruminate and think. oh they understand OKAY.#they know what they're doing. it's all in the narrative and the motifs#mainstream cnet reading of lhl/llh has always taken a buddhist lens. and thinking about that one cfan who specifically said chan/zen:#the journey of liberating yourself is. smth you can attain in ordinary mortal life but it's also smth that warrants continuous reiteration#it rings so true to lxy's life. you think you've shed pretensions of your old life and indeed you have gained new perspective and clarity#until it stops serving you and you realise it's not enough and it's time to move again#if the idea of llh is built on the denial of the idea of lxy#then towards the end of the show lxy realises this distinction is one-sided and imagined#if what 'llh' had offered to him is the taste of liberation and freedom then clearly it had run its course. face it. it's time to move#he experiments with his identities like he experiments with his cooking. the last one's alr good enough. why stick to it#anw there's no coherence in this post. just tacking thoughts all to this like a board so that i'll eventually write a proper post. maybe#lhlmeta#lhl#my posts#GOOD NIGHT IT'S 2AM jfc not again
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scorndotexe · 11 months
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not that my relationship with my mother has ever been particularly good and simple but i do think it's going to get worse soon
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angeltannis · 3 months
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if I could draw regularly again without injuring myself I'd be drawing so much Asha and Frey content. they are best friends in my mind
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