#maybe I’ll make some more posts about them soon idk

[belovedmuichiro]

I’m going through some old posts on here and WOW I am really cheesy about Inotan akdjsjdjk but I don’t even regret it they are the boyfriends ever

[milo-is-rambling]

Fuck hyperfixation meals for real,,, what do you mean I ate a bacon egg and cheese sandwich at least once a day for a month and a half and now the taste and texture of eggs makes me sick and I only eat granola cereal and granola bars

[lewisvinga]

that’s my girl | lance stroll x fem! reader

summary; lance’s fans hated y/n for her personality and willingness to defend him and herself at any cost. however, their views on her change when a fan meets her and posts all about it

fc; tara yummy

warnings; suggestive comments

taglist; @namgification

note; requested! i’ve been obsessed w tara yummy lately but yall my requests are closed atm, i’ll open them soon once i finish w the requests i have rn 😫 so pls bear w me n be patient 🙏

masterlist !

liked by lance_stroll, lilymhe, and others!

yourusername: my man bought me chanel. sick.

username: not her not tagging lance…

yourusername: don’t want people looking at what’s mine 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

lance_stroll: acting like you weren’t begging for a bag and a pair of shoes🤣

yourusername: not u exposing me 😩

lance_stroll: just telling the truth 🤫

lance_stroll: anything for my girl❤️

yourusername: wahhh

username: i wanna be like y/n

yourusername: to be like y/n, u gotta have the y/n mindset 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️

username: she ate this tho icl

username: ugh i don’t like her, she’s such a gold digger and it’s so obvious

yourusername: gold digger is when girl receives bags from millionaire boyfriend🤕

username: she’s so ugly and unclassy, idk why lance is dating her

yourusername: you’re pretty unclassy, but while we’re at it, lance just made out w me 😁😁

lilymhe: WOWWWW you’re so hot i can treat u better than him

yourusername: i can treat u better than alex bae

liked by lance_stroll, carmenmmundt, and others

yourusername: i 🖤 st tropez

username: here she goes again w the not tagging him💀💀💀

yourusername: big deal , i’m literally sitting on him and he watched me post this 🥱🥱

username: THE SECOND PICTURE???? IS SO???😩😩😩😩😩

username: omg the second picture i’m gonna go crazy

username: who even took the last picture?

yourusername: my boyfriend 🔥

lance_stroll: beautiful as always😍

yourusername: gonna give you a big fat kiss

username: i actually like her but he’s all daddy’s money, she should date some other driver who earned his spot

yourusername: LMFAOOO, babe most drivers on the grid ARE nepo babies and come from rich families 💀 yall just mad that lawrence is a loving father 🤕🤕

username: she ate this one thing up

username: i love her idc attitude idk

username: i don’t! she’s so mean and disrespectful to lance’s fans, it’s so nasty

yourusername: no i just defend myself and lance, maybe if yall weren’t coming at my neck every 5 seconds i’d be nicer 🥱🥱

carmenmmundt: GORGEOUS 😍

yourusername: NOOO YOUU😩

liked by lance_stroll, yourusername, and others

f1wagupdates:

a fan met y/n l/n while in new york city! she said that y/n was super nice, complimented her outfit, and even introduced her to lance! turns out the black cat of the paddock is super sweet!

tagged; yourusername, lance_stroll

username: her smile :( she looks so sweet

username: ugh i love her idc what yall think

username: omg omg i was that girl, she even gave me her lip gloss bc i asked about the shade😩

yourusername: lmk what u think bb bc the formula is so chefs kiss

username: omg shes in nyc??? i need to meet her nowww

yourusername: for a couple more days, may or may not pop up in saks tmrw at noon🤭

username: y’all were just bitter she’s dating your fave!! y/n will always be her

username: u could never catch me hating on mother

yourusername: i promise you guys i’m not scary😩😩 i’ll just defend my man or myself whenever 🤷‍♀️

lance_stroll: y/n is the sweetest girl i’ve ever met. she’s made me the happiest man ever. hating on her means hating me. i would take legal action against some people who leave nasty comments but y/n’s against it. she’s the best girl i could ever ask for. liked by yourusername, f1wagupdates and others!

lance_stroll: but that’s my girl ❤️

lance_stroll: and that ladies and gentlemen is how to make the y/n l/n giggle

yourusername: STOP EXPOSING ME😖

[midnightwriter21]

aot hcs: them as boyfriends

characters: levi, eren, connie

warnings: i have the mouth of a sailor im srry

an: first aot fic lesss gooooooo!!! lmk if y’all want another part with diff characters!!

LEVI ACKERMAN

*sigh* he's so girlfriend

starting off strong...

this man is NAWT kissing you in public lololol

he's got a reputation to uphold

however!!

he will show pda in much smaller, more subtle ways

walking down the street, he's offering his arm for you to loop yours through

or guiding you with a hand on your lower back

if y'all are walking through a crowd he is CRUSHING your hand with his grip

he's not trying to hurt your hand haha

he's just strong, can't see over peoples heads, and doesn't wanna lose you in the sea of people

he'll keep that unbothered bored look on his face but just know that on the inside that this man is stressed lmfao

alsoooo

service bf to the maxxxxx

dude is not good with expressing his feelings

especially romantic ones lol

so he expresses his love by doing little tasks for you

oh you forgot to get food for your cat?

levi already has it

can't get that jar of pickles open?

he's snatching it out your hands and popping it open

and you already know your house is about to be the CLEANEST its ever been on god

next

i feel so bad

for the person to shit talk you in front of levi

on my mama let somebody say something slick lmfaooo

he is not gonna let it slide

forget getting physically violent

this mans mouth is absolutely DIABOLICAL

in more ways than one if ur picking up what im putting down

*ahem* will make said person cry with his words alone

period.

EREN YEAGER

meowwwwwwwww

bark bark bark

*insert other animal noise here*

huh? somebody say something?

no? okay

AHEM

this man right here? cocky asf

dude is fine

and knows it too

and he knows y’all make a FINEEEE ASS COUPLE

shows you and your relationship off all the time

not a day goes by where he’s not posting you on social media

and he coordinates yalls outfits too omg

he makes sure his clothes match yours

not exactly matching ofc but the colors

if ur wearing a red dress to an event

he’s wearing a red tie

it’s a casual day and you’re wearing a blue shirt or dress?

his shoes/accessories/etc. are gonna be the same color

it’s an aesthetic that he keeps up with. period.

also he CANNOT keep ur name out his mouth

brings you up in every conversation possible

“i think y/n mentioned wanting to go see that movie too. was it good?”

“nah sorry, my girl said she wants to have a date night soon so i’ll have to pass. we can make plans another day though.”

“i gotta go to the store when i leave here. i wanna get some stuff to surprise my girlfriend, y/n, when i get home.”

and he is handsy asf

bro is touching you at all times swear

it’s impossible to walk past this man without him latching onto you and lathering you in kisses and feeling you up

in public he’s gonna keep it respectful tho

unless he knows he won’t get caught lmfao

introduces you to mikasa and armin

wants all of the important people in his life to get along ofc

i love him sm

CONNIE SPRINGER

let’s get right into it shall we?

as soon as y’all make it official

i mean the MINUTE y’all are boyfriend girlfriend

he’s calling up all his friends to tell them the news

and then he’s making plans for them to meet up so he can introduce you

i feel like he takes you on a lot of fun dates

y’all don’t jus go get dinner and then go home

that’s too lame for connie

he’s taking you to laser tag, haunted houses, trampoline parks, etc.

and let me tell you this rn

come close

connie is NOT teaming up with you for laser tag

he’s making sure he’s on the opposite team so he can’t hunt you down over and over

will not take it easy on you idc

anyways… when y’all do go to dinner

7/10 times sasha is third wheeling yall

maybe jean too lol

idk i jus think that for connie it’s “the more the merrier”

especially since dinner isn’t something that’s gonna get his blood pumping yk?

but at least y’all can all get drunk and be funny together as a group right?

connie is so incredibly dedicated to being a dumbass around you

like as long as it makes you laugh, nothing is off limits

bro is constantly cracking jokes, telling embarrassing stories, doing stupid shit in public

he wants you happy. at. all. times.

this being said

if ur sad connie is doing anything and everything to cheer you up

i’m talking getting you ur fav snacks, renting that movie you always talk about, and pulling you close for a snuggle

yeah so i want to eat him basically

[cowboyinternist]

patches and stuff that i made (and didn’t!) for my wtnv jacket :3

little project Ive have that’s been in progress for a couple years :3 more details below the cut

glow cloud patch, this is just scrap fleece that i colored with old copic markers and hand sewed :) also tiny animals + beads that i stuck on there with fabric glue. the glitter is this holographic glitter paint that i love? i use it on everything.

(left) void patch is just canvas + paint marker and safety pins. the pin above it is from the attic tour, and the pin on the collar is from the haunting of night vale ^_^ the babydoll parts are earrings but i don’t usually wear earrings like that so i repurposed them

(right) eyeball pin is polymer clay and made by me, angel pin is from ultrainfinite on instagram :) little name tag is a repurposed gift card that i just painted and glued over :3 the cecil drawing is meant to resemble me a little more than the cecil i typically draw lol.

patch and sheriff badge are from the wtnv merch site, cowboy cat pin is from pinkgabbercat on instagram. the fake flower pins are technically for a different project but this is their home until i’m ready to use them for the other thing. the little eyeball emblems are made from a linocut stamp that i created a few years ago for a different project

patch for the back!! i rlly love how this came out, the dark purple is an old pillowcase and the moon is the same scrap fleece that i used for the glow cloud. my hand sewing ia kinda fuckass but it adds idk. plus glow in the dark stars!

i made the king city patch a while ago but it’s just canvas and paint pen too i think. plus fly pins that i also made!! little desert landscape button is magazine paper scraps. the cactus and house pins are from the tours i mentioned above, and unfortunately i cannot remember where i got the possum patch :( this is the back right panel of the jacket, for the back left panel i wanted to make a dark owl records patch eventually

i hope to have a little something from all the books on here at some point! something for each of the villains too (which u can see i’ve already kinda started with the beagle patch in the very first image)

this project is still super unfinished!! i have a desert bluffs jacket too that is also still in the works, so i’ll maybe post about that soon too!!

[o0o0thorn0o0o]

Late, I know, but…! Only by two days, so I’ll still label/tag it:

Ichihime Week, Day 7: Mythical Lovers / Rainbow

I was planning on adding in magpies in the background this time, but I was getting lazy, and it’s already late, so maybe next time ^^;

(Also I was thinking of making a rainbow version, but it didn't come out as I would have liked? Idk. I still think it’s cute, though, so I put it under the cut)

Alrighty, listen: I really didn’t mean to wait this long to post. But, like, very shortly after Eid, my iPad’s storage filled up, like, to the point I couldn’t even access my mail (that’s how I found out, pfft). I was wondering why I’d ever need 256 GB 4 years ago… but still, it was $100 extra bucks. Sure, it was a grad gift, but 128 GB was expensive enough—still a lot of storage, too… Not enough, clearly!

Hoarding layers (and recoloring my own art, pfft) has really caught up to me… but also, it wouldn’t help too much if I didn’t either. After deleting what I could bear to part with, that took away around 5 GB, but merging layers in other works barely made a dent.

So I’ve spent these past few weeks wondering what to do, thinking about emailing my 2019 (imported from my 5s) and 2020 works to an email I also created 4 years ago for some reason I totally forgot about and never used so that I don’t end up taking any space in my actual one and then uploading them onto two (since I really don’t want my files corrupting) USBs via my laptop, trying to get those USBs from Target (but since I was adamant this time in getting 256 GB USBs—I don’t want to have to worry about storage for a longgggg time—there were none in stock), ordering them off of eBay instead since my dad insisted on their cheapness, waiting a week for them, then transferring them to that email and uploading them onto its Google drive if the files was too big…

But that was taking much too long and still left space on my iPad while I was doing it. I managed to complete the 2019 and 2020 pieces from my iPad, but it also only ended up being around 1 GB… So, like, I need to clear more years (breaks my heart, it does ;~; Sure, I still have access to them via that email and those USBs, but it’s not convenient anymore, and there are still pieces I plan on getting back to… ackkkkk).

Contemplating it some more and discussing it with a friend, much as I abhor subscription services, I finally decided to purchase a premium membership on Ibis for that 20 GB of cloud storage. I can afford the 30 bucks a year, and I like the app anyway—serves me good—and not having to watch an ad every 18 hours to access my go-to brushes would be nice, plus having access to the other stuff, but yeah: ✋🌈✨cloud storage✨🌈 🤚

Anyway, I’m pretty sure a good chunk of what’s taking up my space is actually the cache, as I’m already more than halfway through my drawings, and I’m not sure if I’ll reach that 75 GB of storage Ibis was apparently taking up with just my drawings. So I’ll probably need to download everything, then delete the app and redownload it ‘cause stupid IOS doesn’t let you easily clear it 🫠

Anyway, I really thought I’d be done by now, but am not—that said, I managed to clear out around 10 GB off of Ibis (not my iPad; I somehow managed to gain back 5?? Somewhere?? I’ve no clue; I don’t see it), which is wayyy more than enough to get one drawing done for IH week, so I paused the whole storage thing for now. I actually tried to get day one’s drawing done on the 6th, but I’m dealing with perspective that’s hurting my brain, so I decided to get day seven’s done instead, ‘cause I thought I’d be on time…

Me? On time? Man, who knew I was so funny… 😒

But yeah, day seven is done! I’ll definitely revisit that day one drawing in the future, but not anytime soon. As if I wasn’t backed up already, this whole storage mess has backlogged even further, and there are other dates coming up 😮‍💨 And, y’know, gotta finish the storage transfer, too… Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Anyway, on a more positive note, gradient maps are actually very neat to use—had a little too much fun, eheh. I won’t confess how much time I spent testing it out on this piece, but here be my favorite:

They’re so golden <3 ☺️

[gentaro-kinniecom]

“Oh you haven’t kissed anyone yet? Neither have I, maybe we could..?”

Characters: Adonis Otogari, Tatsumi Kazehaya, Yuzuru Fushimi, Tsumugi Aoba, Kanata Shinkai, Leo Tsukinaga, Mika Kagehira, Hinata Aoi, Mao Isara and Niki Shina

Cw: fluff! Silly kisses and flustered (?) characters, Keito being mom coded in Mao’s part HELPP, idk what else to say except that..I really enjoyed writing this

A/n: Hi guys! I went missing for like 2 months (school has been absolutely brutal) but anyways, I hope y’all enjoy this silly post, also the reader is the one who tells them that, not the character towards the reader (i hope it made sense 😓)

Adonis Otogari

“Huh?” what the first thing Adonis replied to when he heard your question. He seriously thought he’d heard wrong and blushed a bit as he ran the words over and over again in his head, he really wanted to kiss you. Especially since he’s had a crush on you for a while, so Adonis gently brings you closer and kisses you. He apologizes later on even, if you didn’t mind the kiss and he’ll try to properly court you afterwards.

-“Can we go on a date? I insist, you’re a wonderful person to be around with”

Tatsumi Kazehaya

Tatsumi gets embarrassed at the suggestion, he didn’t expect such a bold statement coming from you. He’ll decline the offer, saying that it would be ‘unpleasant’ to kiss if you’re not in a relationship…Tatsumi changes his mind when you suggest trying things out as a couple. Going on dates and listening to his rants about..anything really. He doesn’t want to admit how badly he wants to kiss you, so he does, with no hesitation.

-“Now that we’re together..I suppose you don’t mind me showing you my affection, hm?”

Yuzuru Fushimi

Nearly drops his tray of tea when you said that. You noticed the change in his attitude, a bit flustered and shy as he offered you some tea. Tori was out to visit Eichi and Wataru was practicing for another show, meaning it was the given moment to spend time with Yuzuru. As much as he wanted to leave, he couldn’t help but want to kiss you. Yuzuru was now grabbing your chin softly and leaning in, parting away as he smiled.

-“It seems a date is in order? I would be delighted to show you some of the best sights in the city”

Tsumugi Aoba

Similar to Yuzuru except, he dropped the books he was holding and quickly got down to get them back. Yet, you were helping him, and he got more nervous and shy. However, Tsumugi grabbed your hand, whisking you away to a more secluded area to kiss you. He confessed that he liked you since the day you’ve met and it all felt like a dream when you asked him that.

-“I would’ve never guessed that a day like today..we would kiss in the library, but, I’m definitely not complaining..”

Kanata Shinkai

His face remained puzzled as he asked you to repeat the question again. Kanata smiled as he heard it once more, pulling you towards the waves of the ocean as he wrapped his arms around you. It was usual for him to be so affectionate with you..but as his lips neared yours, you felt your breath hitch. Your clothes were wet by the time you both left the fountain; Kanata was now holding your hand softly while kissing you

-“Hehe~ I like ‘spending’ time with you..do you want to go on a ‘date’ with me~?”

Leo Tsukinaga

He straight up just laughs and begins writing on the notebook you gifted him a while back for his birthday. Soon holding it up for you as you read the lyrics of a song Leo had thought of the moment you told him that. Suddenly, you felt him kiss your hand before moving to kiss you softly. He moved his hands to your face, still kissing you while smiling and parting away for air, wishing that moment lasted forever.

-“I was hoping you’d say that sometime, you give me so much inspiration~! I’ll make sure to dedicate you even more songs from now on!”

Mika Kagehira

Mika was sewing quietly when he heard your suggestion. Hands shaky as he stopped what he was crafting. He was lucky Shu had gone to deliver some important outfits, meaning he wasn’t returning until a long time. Mika then looked your way, admiring your features as he then got up. Grabbing your face with both hands as he leaned in, kissing you dearly.

-“I..sorry, I really like you Y/n, and..well..I want to spend time with you..anywhere”

Hinata Aoi

It all started like a joke to him, he couldn’t believe you were serious about it afterwards, his brother found out and listened in to what he thought about it. Hinata had a crush on you since ever, everything about you was so perfect in his eyes. He felt at comfort for the way you knew who he was and not confuse him with his brother often. After thinking about it he accepted the offer, taking you to the roof and kissing you softly. Smiling as he admired your features

- “I’m glad I met you, you’re so wonderful I…I get speechless whenever I’m around you”

Mao Isara

Keito coughed a bit, making his presence noticeable in the student council’s room as Mao blushed, he heard it even if you whispered it? Keito just sighed and left the room, warning Isara not to do anything..out of the ordinary while he was gone. But, he just allowed that to happen.. Mao saw as you sat down beside him, grabbing his hand as he smiled; he nodded while leaning forward, you kissed him quickly before Mao then pulled you back for another one.

-“I know we shouldn’t kiss here but..what’s one small kiss going to change? I have the perfect place for our lunch, if you want to join me afterwards”

Niki Shiina

His brain kinda just..stopped (?) working the moment you spoke, the food that he was making nearly burned as he quickly turned the stove off since it was already done. Niki couldn’t help but wonder if he heard right. He noticed how you looked around the kitchen, smiling and helping him prep the food for his unit-mates. After being alone, he thought about it for sometime, grabbing your hand softly and bringing you back to the kitchen to kiss you softly against the counter

-“You’re so cute when you help me around, we should bake together sometime..”

[23lvrs]

nct 127 nsfw twt link

127 x reader 18+

taeil didn’t want you to go to work because it was his birthday and he wanted to spend his day with you but he knows how worked up your boss gets when you don’t go to work but you never said he got upset when you’re late so why not spend a little extra time with the birthday boy before you go to work and of course you have to wear your work clothes he found it hot

taeyong wanted to fill you up so bad he’s never able to because you guys always wear protection but because he released his solo album you wanted to let him celebrate and you let him do whatever he wanted to do with you all night

johnny got dragged by his friends to go out clubbing he didn’t really wanna be there until he saw you and he knew he couldn’t pass you up so he started to talk to you and eventually you both ended somewhere private

yuta loves to randomly just stop thrusting when he’s in you because you’re reactions really just get him going even more he also loves seeing you’re reaction once he starts moving again you always sound so pretty

doyoung was so annoyed of his friends constantly flirting with you he knew they wanted you in their beds he was sick of it he just recorded a little teaser video and made sure to send it to the gc to let them know you’re his

jaehyun knows you have a bf and he loves the fact that you’re doing this with him betraying you’re bf so he wanted to see what you would do if he started recording would you get scared he’s gonna send it to your bf? it’s cute you’re trying to cover you’re face but it’s not working it’s ok he’s only keeping the video for his eyes only

jungwoo likes all his friends equally but the fact that you too have seen each other nude and he’s been in you he kinda likes you a little more but one day you were thinking maybe this isn’t the best idea you were at his place and was texting your bff about how you might stop doing it with him he saw the text while you got up to get some water and he knew what he had to do either this will be you’re last time or you’ll forget about it because of how good he makes you feel and let’s just say you never had that talk with him after

mark usually has you laying down but he really wanted to see you on top of him rn he finds you so cute when you ride him you are more noisy as well and he loves it

haechan met you during promotions you were a new staff so you seemed very stressed with everything you did so he tried to help you relax he told you that because you’re new you should get to know him better to create a better work environment and help you loosen up at work you thought it was a good idea but you had no idea what he meant by getting to know each other

a/n: HI it’s been awhile but i just wanted to post something cuz i haven’t in a bit but i’ll try to work on more soon but i feel like these kinda sucked idk maybe i’m rusty for not doing it in awhile

masterlist for more of my work twitter for extra & early content

likes, cmts & shares appreciated :)

[tiredmamaissy]

Hiiiii - just wanted to say I love love love your writing 💗💗 and i have a req but idk if you’re still taking requests if you are yayy!! if not bloop 😪 Anyways you could make this multiple parts if you wanted to build on the storyline more but could you do a Neteyam or Aonung (I cant decide - both extremely beautiful in their own way) x reader. Maybe where Neteyam and y/n have always been close and like eachother but haven’t made it official or clear they want to be mates. All the other girls in the village desperately want Neteyam for themselves (obvi) and a few of them heavily flirt with him in which he is oblivious to making y/n jealous. So she plays hard to get and makes him jealous with Aonung or something. Idk but it can end in some FILTHY smut and then fluff 🤭🤭🤭 ok that’s my req. Thank you and keep up the amazing work!!!😁😁😁❤️

Eyes for You

🔞 minors, do not interact 🔞

Characters: Neteyam Sully (20) x Metkayina reader y/n (19) x Ao’nung (20)

Warnings: nsfw, heavy smut, fluff, first-time, foreplay, oral sex, rut cycle, jealous/protective Neteyam, consent king neteyam, profanity Word count: 6.5k (sorry y’all, I have a problem with overwriting.)

Authors note: I tried to write this while I was experiencing some writers block + burn out, so this honestly isn’t my best work. Regardless, I hope this is okay, anon, and enjoy <3. Also, I’m feeling really inspired to write something that is unrequested. I’ll be temporarily closing my requests to that I can work through my list of requests thus far (even the ones sent in before this post went up), to the best of my abilities :)

Tags: @jakexneytiri (first part is the bow scene you requested)

Synopsis: You and Neteyam like each other but haven’t made it official. You’re promised to Ao’nung even though you don’t like him in that way. You see Neteyam with another girl, and flirt with Ao’nung to get back at him. Neteyam intervenes and makes you his.

Intro: There isn’t a single girl in the village of Awa’atlu that doesn’t have a strong liking towards Neteyam. This includes you. As soon as Neteyam approached the shore with his hands out in the air, he caught your eye. You came out from behind your promised mate, Ao’nung, and examined the na’vi thoroughly. His tail was thin, just like the rest of his body, and he had darker skin with golden eyes. It was a beautiful sight, and he seemed to think so too, as his face lit up immediately when he first laid eyes on you. Since then, you guys spend most of your time together, as you teach him and his siblings everything they need to know about the reef people. He has even been teaching you his ways too, riding his ikran and learning how to use a bow and arrow. In the silent moments where it’s just you two, the tension is unspoken, and off the charts.

----

“Hold here, tighter.” He taps your elbow and repositions your grip on the taut string.

He’s so close behind you that you can feel his soft breaths on your shoulder. Each warm, pant that blows against your skin makes your bioluminescence glow, and your ears perk up. You simply can’t deny the way he makes you feel. You glance at him quickly, catching the sight of his serious gaze. You hold the string of the bow tighter and adjust your elbow.

“I can hear your heartbeat.” He whispers next to your ear. “Relax a bit, y/n.” He slides hand down the side of your waist, fixing your stance.

“Likewise.” You whisper back, hearing his heart thumping, too.

He leans into your shoulder, his braids barely brushing against your skin, and loosens your grip on your bow. How could you relax when he’s doing this to you? Does he even know what he’s doing? You turn to look at him, searching for any hint of innocence in his eyes.

He pulls back slightly, looking deeply into your eyes. “You know, it helps if you focus on the target, y/n.” he breathes, placing the tip of his index finger under your chin, using it to turn your head towards the target. It feels like your stomach is fluttering, all from his simple touch. You swallow your spit.

He must know what he’s doing, right?

 You snap your head back to him, to see him smiling at you, glancing down at your lips. Those flutters in your stomach make their way up to your chest, quickening your heartbeat even more. His smile slowly disappears the more his heavy eyes stare at your lips, and you find yourself staring at his, too. Maybe it’s in your head, but it feels like the distance between you two is shrinking.

 You feel his breath on your cheek now, causing your gaze to drop to your feet, and then shoot back up at the target. You clear your throat and reposition your arms. His hand lets go of your waist when he fixes his stance, slightly backing away from you.

He clears his throat, too. “Erm – good.” He looks at the target. “Now, release” he whispers, tapping his finger against your elbow again.

Your arrow completely misses the target. You laugh together, making eye contact again – only to drop your smiles when you feel the tension budding in the air.

“Good try, y/n.” he smiles again, brushing your upper back.

“Thanks, but I’m pretty sure we both saw it miss the target completely.” You laugh, covering your mouth.

He faces turns serious and takes your hand off your face. “You know I don’t like it when you cover your face when you laugh.” He says, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink.

You can’t help but smile and stare at him, feeling the warmth in your chest spread throughout your body. “We should go back before our parents get upset.” You whisper, focusing on his lips.

He focuses on your lips, too. “We should. Dad might actually skin me.”

You look down from his lips, landing your stare on his bare, muscular chest. “Well, mine’ll skin you, too if you don’t get me back before the eclipse.” You laugh, using your hands to nudge him towards his ikran.

Though his body moves, his eyes remain locked onto your face.

“...and so would Ao’nung.” You tease, knowing that he hates hearing the name.

He rolls his eyes and walks swiftly to his resting ikran. “Get on, mermaid.”

You giggle, grabbing his hand and hopping on his ikran, seating yourself in front of him. After bonding with his banshee, he takes off, soaring quickly through the air. It’s almost like what happened ten minutes ago happens all over again, with his loud, hot breath on your shoulders, and his hand brushing against your waist – holding onto his ikran.

His warm chest presses lightly against your back, as he steadies his ikran that makes a sharp turn towards the shore. Your heartbeat speeds up. It never used to feel this way – this intense. Sure, being close to him made you nervous, but never this nervous. The flutters in your stomach turn into knots, and it’s almost like he could sense it.

“You okay?” he asks quietly, leaning into your shoulder.

“Yeah. Why?” you ask breathlessly.

“Your heartbeat. It is fast again.” He states, sounding a little worried.

“Oh, that.” you gulp quietly, “I guess I’m just a little motion sick”. You lie, looking down at your hands gripping the seat beneath you.

Immediately the ikran slows down, stabilizing itself even more. His free hand slides over your waist, onto the flat of your belly, and pushes you back into him.

“I’m sorry. Just relax and breathe, you’ll feel better soon.” He whispers into your ear, brushing his cheek against your hair. “Close your eyes.”

You melt into him and allow your heavy eyes to rest. The rest of the flight home is silent and so, so comfortable, that you don’t even realize that you’ve fallen asleep. You wake up to the eclipse occurring, looking down at the glowing arms wrapped around your waist. Not only are you snuggled into his chest, but he is also leaning into you, too.  

You take a sharp breath and sit up quickly, looking around you to see exactly where you are. You’ve landed in the sand, right outside of your marui pod. You turn around to see his glowing amber eyes watching you, with a serious expression on his face, as if he were trying to restrain himself in some way.

“Hi.” You smile, trying to lighten the mood. “Sorry I fell asleep; you should’ve woken me up.”

“I did not want to disturb you. You looked...” the corners of his lips slightly curl upwards, “comfortable.” He lies, realizing it would be creepy to say that ‘you look beautiful even when you’re sleeping’.   

The sound of your father’s voice breaks the growing tension.

“Y/n. I told you to come back before eclipse!” Your father shoots Neteyam a deadly look, storming towards you. Just as you’re about to explain, Neteyam speaks up for you.

“We got here before eclipse, sir. She felt sick and fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake her. I take full responsibility. I’m sorry, sir.” He bows his head at the chief warrior.

Your father shakes his head and comes to help you down his ikran. He drags you back home and you look back at Neteyam, who is waving goodbye to you, pursing his lips.

----

“You know I do not like you hanging out with that forest boy. You are promised to the son of Olo’eyktan, Ao’nung. Do not bring shame to this family.” Your father scolds you, resting his hand on your shoulder.

You shrug him off and walk away to the Marui pod. “You know I do not want Ao’nung, father. I don’t like him in that way.” You turn around, fuelled with anger. “Why must you force me?” you look at him through teary eyes.  

“Not another word, daughter.” He says sternly, looking you directly in the eye.

You leave and go to bed, crying yourself to sleep.

----

“This will be your second rut without a mate, Neteyam.” Neytiri states firmly. “Why must you refuse all the beautiful girls that offer themselves to you? I will not continue to see my son suffer.”

“Mother.” He looks at his feet. “I don’t want anyone but y/n. I thought I made this clear. I will continue to spend my ruts alone until she is ready.” Neteyam argues, shaking his head. “I don’t care how painful they become.”

“I will be speaking to your father about your betrothment with Tsireya.” She spits, getting up to find Jake.

“Mother! Please.” Neteyam snaps, standing up behind her.

“Agh!” she grabs at the air in front of his eyes, causing him to jerk his head back. “It is final.”

----

You disconnect your queue from your ilu and make your way back to the shore. You enjoy your early morning swims, as the water is usually still warm by this time. You see Ao’nung standing at the shore, his hands crossed over his chest, peering at you through his brows (or what would be brows, lol). Ao’nung smirks as you walk on the shore in his direction.

He makes his way over to you, extending his hands outwards, as if he were asking for a hug. “My beautiful mate. I love watching you come out of the water.”

You look down at your feet as you walk past him, trying to avoid eye contact. “Thank you, Ao’nung, but we are not mated.” You mutter.

Ao’nung shouts after you as you walk away. “Agh. I know, I know. We will be soon, my love. No need to be so short with me!”

He knows that you don’t feel the same way about him, yet he continues his feeble attempts at winning your heart daily. Your heart has already chosen Neteyam, and has no space left for Ao’nung, no matter how handsome he may be. You walk up to the grassy part of the mangroves, lifting your head up to see a sight you wish you didn’t.

Neteyam is in front of you, leaning against the large roots of the mangroves, talking to Tsireya, the Olo’eyktan’s daughter. Her beauty is stunning – absolutely breath taking. You could see that he feels this way too just from the way he gazes down at her with the biggest smile on his face. She, too, is smiling with him, brushing against his bicep with her hand.

Jealousy consumes you. The feeling is like a spear to the heart – deep and painful. The pain radiates off your chest, up to your face, reddening it as your eyes sting, pooling with tears. You stand there, frozen in time, just taking in the sight before you. Neteyam laughs, and shakes his head, as if he were telling her ‘no’ to something.

He catches a glimpse of you in his peripheral vision, and does a double take, looking directly at you. When his gaze meets yours and he realizes that your eyes are glossy from tears, his smile falls off his face. You look away, and turn around quickly, hoping that he didn’t see your tearful eyes. You walk hastily back to Ao’nung, with the image of him laughing with the prettiest girl in the village replaying in your head.

“Hey, pretty.” Ao’nung says huskily.

You force a smile on your face. “Sorry if I came off as rude a while ago. I’m not feeling great.” You lie.

He takes a few steps towards you, with concern written all over his face. “What is wrong?”

You didn’t want to tell him the truth – that you were feeling jealous about his sister of all people. “I’m just sore. The water was rough this morning.” You look up at him, meeting his blue-eyed gaze, seeing that he looks worried. “It’s just my back. I’m alright. Really.” You smile at him, thanking him silently for being so concerned.

Unbeknownst to you, Neteyam had made his way over to you the moment he laid eyes on you. He stood at the grassy area by the mangroves, watching the interaction between you and your fated mate intently. Ao’nung inches closer to your face and rests his hand on your waist.  

“Crying over a sore back? It must be bad.” He moves swiftly behind you. “You do know my mother is Tsahik, yes? She has taught me quite a bit.” He places his other hand on your upper back. “Where does it hurt the most?”

You feel uncomfortable with his touches and turn around to face him, pulling away from his advances. You see Neteyam in your peripheral vision, seething from jealousy and anger, watching the two of you closely. (side eye, lol)

Is he jealous?

The thought of you making him jealous, too, makes you feel better, as bad as it sounds. You work with the situation, flipping it to your advantage. You focus back on Ao’nung, and smile at him.

“Thank you, Ao’nung.” You rub his bicep, sending Neteyam over the edge. “But I’m really alright.”

Ao’nung arches a brow and looks down at your hand rubbing his bicep. He looks up back up at you and grins, wrapping his hand around your waist. “Took you long enough to come around, my mate.” He pulls you into him, leaning in, staring at your lips.

Its only now dawning on you what you just got yourself into. You feel uncomfortable – on edge. You feel like running away, but you’re frozen, watching him inch in closer to you. Neteyam watches you two get closer, feeling pangs of pain in his chest. He really didn’t think you would choose him, even if you guys were promised to each other. He always knew deep down that there was something between the two of you, it just wasn’t official.

But he couldn’t stop you. He would never come between you and what you want. All he can do is accept it for what it is, no matter how much anger he’s feeling. If you choose Ao’nung, then so be it. His only concern is your happiness, and for it to be your choice. He drops his gaze to his feet, not being able to stand the sight.

It feels wrong, very wrong. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want Ao’nung, you want Neteyam. You break eye contact with Ao’nung, and finally put your hands against his chest, pushing him away from you.

“Wait, Ao’nung. I’m sorry. I, I-” You stutter, turning your head to avoid his gaze and lips. “I’m still not ready, yet.” Neteyam hears this, and his ears perk up as his head snaps back to you.

“Don’t back out on me now, pretty girl.” He cups your cheek and pulls your face in his line of sight.

“Stop, Ao’nung.” You pull your face out of his hand and take a step back, as your eyes start to well up with tears again.

“Y/n. You are promised to me.” Ao’nung says sternly. “How long are you going to take? My rut is coming soon.” He pulls you back into him by your waist, causing you to fall into his chest.

Neteyam doesn’t waste another second and rushes in, braids swinging in his face, and pushes Ao’nung away from you. “You heard what she said.” He growls, towering over Ao’nung.

You hide behind Neteyam, backing away from them both. They’re face to face, staring each other down, waiting to see who will back down first.

Two sons of Olo’eyktan challenging one another? Over me?

“Leave Neteyam. This does not concern you.” Ao’nung looks him up and down.

“No. Back. Off. Now.” he steps towards him, poking Ao’nung’s chest with his finger.

Ao’nung scoffs, shaking his head. “She is promised to me.” He steps towards him. “Mine.”

You’d never seen Neteyam this angry before. You could see the rage in his body language, he looks like an akula (shark-like animal) ready to strike.

“She is promised to nobody. She chooses who she wants.” He snarls, flashing his fangs.

Ao’nung looks behind Neteyam, directly in your eyes. He squints them, looking from you, to Neteyam, realizing that you both have feelings for each other and the ‘choice’ he speaks of is between him and Neteyam. Ao’nungs face relaxes, knowing this will just end in a fight - a fight that makes no sense. He takes a step back putting his hands in the air.

“Smart choice.” Neteyam growls. He turns around to look at you, his eyes were a deep gold, something you’ve never seen before. He shakes his head, as if he were disappointed in you and grabs you by the hand, leading you towards a hidden cave deep in the roots of the mangroves.

----

“What were you thinking?” He asks with his back turned to you, not being able to look you in the face.

“What were you thinking?” You shout back, still upset with him.

He turns around, walking towards you quickly, towering over you now. You look up at him, feeling small and feeble compared to his size.

“What? Don’t think I could’ve taken him?” he scoffs, shaking his head.

“I’m not talking about that, skxwang (idiot). I’m talking about you being all lovey-dovey with his sister.” You see his expression change; his gaze softens, and he pulls back. “Yeah, I saw you.” You cross your arms and turn around.

He laughs, loudly, finally understanding the entire situation. You’re both upset about the same thing.

“What’s so fucking funny?” you mumble, back still turned to him.

“We are upset about the same thing.” He slides his hand down your arm, and holds your hand, pulling you towards him.

You turn around, looking him in the eyes. “What?”

“You are jealous of Tsireya, and I am jealous of Ao’nung. What does that tell you?” he smiles, taking your other hand into his.

You roll your eyes and pull away from him. “I don’t even like Ao’nung, you know this. But Tsireya... She is the prettiest girl in the village, why wouldn’t you want her?”

“Y/n... That is not even true.” he scoffs, knowing you’re the most beautiful girl on pandora, “...and it is not what you think.” He grabs your hand again, pulling you into him. “Tsireya and I were just having a conversation.”

“Oh, yeah? A conversation... with her touching your arm like that? Come on.” You hit his hand away.

“Yes. We were making this stupid situation that we are in into a joke. My parents, they are trying to promise me to her, which is stupid because I already explained to them that I have eyes for someone else. And she – she even confessed to me that she has eyes for Lo’ak. It is really nothing like that.” He shakes his head, backing away to give you the space you want.  

Your glossy eyes peer up at him, searching for the sincerity in his eyes. “Who?” you mutter.

He looks at you, confused. “Who?”

“Who do you have eyes for?” you ask, feeling the same stabbing feeling in your heart.

“Is it not obvious, y/n?” He whispers, stepping towards you. “I only have eyes for you.” he whispers, taking your hands into his.

Hearing these words make your heart flicker in your chest. You can’t help but smile, the swell of your cheeks finally pushing a tear out of your eye.

“I only have eyes for you, too.” You whisper, sliding your hands up his arms.

You knew your father would be upset if he found out what you were about to do, but you didn’t care. Neteyam didn’t care either, it’s time to break the unspoken tension between the two of you. Neteyam leans into you, his gaze fixed on your lips. You find your body responding to him, tilting your head upwards to meet the gaze of the man in front of you.

“Can I kiss you?” Neteyam asks, wrapping his hands around your waist.

“Please.” You breathe, before feeling his lips crash into yours, reeking of desperation.

He kisses you passionately, but in an inexperienced way. His hands are all over your body, trying to touch every inch of you. He backs you up against the rocky wall, and moves his feverish kisses down your neck, to your collarbones. Your hands make their way to his chest, where they slide down to his stomach, feeling every dip of his muscular physique.

“You are so beautiful, y/n.” He mumbles in between kisses, looking up at you with dark amber eyes.

You giggle, feeling shy from his comment. “Why are your eyes different?” you ask, trying to change the topic.

He kisses the bone between your breasts, inhaling your natural scent. “What do you mean?” he mumbles into your chest.

You feel your nipples harden, and shivers run down your back. “Your eyes, they are darker than usual.”

“Oh, sorry.” He pulls back, blinking rapidly, hoping they’ll change back to their original colour. “My rut is coming in a week.” He nestles back into your chest, lingering there, waiting for your consent.

The thought of him in rut, unable to control his insatiable urges, makes your undergarments wet. You nudge his head over to your left breast, while your free hand unties the knot of your top. Both your movements are hurried, eager for each other’s touches. He takes your nipple into his mouth and sucks on it rhythmically, blowing hot breaths through his nostrils onto your breast.

“Mmnh, feels so good.” You moan softly. He bites your nipple gently. “Neteyam!” You gasp, pulling his head even closer into you.

The sound of you moaning his name makes him impatient, sucking even harder at your nipple, flicking it with the tip of his tongue. His big golden eyes stare up at you, like you’re something to be devoured. He unlatches from your nipple and kisses you again, his tongue exploring your mouth and intertwining with your tongue.

He kneads your breast with one hand and uses the other to play with the strap of your loincloth. You could feel his burning desire for you in his movements; he’s ready to take you right here. He shoves his knee between your legs, applying pressure to your cunt. You moan into his mouth and can’t resist humping at his leg.

“Shit.” He groans, applying even more pressure for you to hump at. “I like when you use me like that.”

You laugh between heavy breaths, feeling your slick wet his thigh. He notices, too. “Fuck, you’re that wet already?” he breathes, smiling with raised brows.

He kisses you again, like he can’t get enough of your touch. He kicks your legs open and lifts you up, wrapping your legs around his hips. He’s pinning you against the wall, pushing his pelvis into yours. You feel the imprint of his cock through his loincloth, pressing against your hot, wet slit. It feels so thick, and warm, bulging against you, throbbing for some attention.

The friction against your clit feels amazing, like the heat from your cunt is making its way through the rest of your body in waves. The pressure in your chest builds to the point where you must release it through loud moans, and pants. All you can do is bury your face into the crook of his neck while he pins you to the wall and bucks his hips into you.

“Neteyam... it’s so thick.” You whisper shyly, now smelling his musky scent. “...and you smell so good.”

Neteyam is too busy willing himself to be gentle with his thrusts to listen to what you’re saying. He wants to take you right here, right now – to shove his cock inside of you in one thrust and fuck you carelessly for even looking at Ao’nung.

“Why did you touch Ao’nung like that? You should only be touching me like that.” he thrusts hard against your cunt.

You can feel how stiff his cock is, rutting into your plump cunt like that, eager for some release.

“Yeah? And you should only be touching me like this.” You take his hand and press it firming against your breast.

He kneads your breast and kisses you roughly, breathing hard through his nose. All the tension that has been building since his arrival to your village is finally coming to a head. You grab his face and melt even further into his kiss, squeezing your legs that wrap around his hips, trying to push him harder against you.

He pulls away from the kiss, catching his breath. “Can I taste you here?” he pants, looking down at your sticky pelvises rubbing against each other.

“Ugh... yes, Nete.” You whimper, desperate for your mate’s touches.

He puts you down and starts kissing your neck, making his way down your chest once more. You will yourself to stand on your shaky legs, weak from holding onto him so tightly. He kisses your stomach, paying extra attention to your belly button with his tongue. The sensation is so erotic, feeling him inch his way down to your most vulnerable part. He’s breathing in deeply, trying to savour the scent of your cunt.

He kneels before you, looking up at you with big golden saucers for eyes, fiddling with the straps of your loincloth, asking you silently if he can take it off. You look down at him and nod your head, using your hand to try pull down your undergarments. As soon as he gets your consent, he buries his nose into your hips, and slides his fingers underneath the cloth, slowly pulling it down your legs.

He’s grunting into your soft flesh, kissing your thighs and your plump pussy lips. He gently opens your trembling legs, that struggle to remain standing, and looks up at you while he uses his tongue to part your lips. The flavour of your cunt is so sweet – so enticing, that he closes his eyes to fully immerse himself in the experience of eating you out, swallowing the slick that pools in his cheeks.

Although he is inexperienced, he follows his body’s commands, lapping at the sensitive nub at the top of your slit. He feels your body jolt from pleasure, telling him that he’s just found your sweet spot. He sucks lightly at your clit, opening his mouth and licking you from your hole up to your pearl, engulfing it with his hot mouth. He uses his thumbs to spread your pussy lips apart as he makes out with your cunt, looking back up at you.

The sensation is too good, you feel like your legs are going to give out any second. Your hips thrust into his face on their own, already chasing your orgasm. Covering your mouth with your hand, you stop yourself from letting loose the loud moans that make their way up your throat. Your free hand explores the wall you lean against, trying to find something to hold on to. Neteyam notices this and takes your hand, placing it on his head. You weave your fingers through his braids and hold on tightly, as he eats your cunt hungrily.

Not being able to hold back your moans anymore, you drop your hand from your mouth and place it on his head. You let your head dip back as you let loose lengthy mewls into the air as you experience your intense climax. You look down to see Neteyam touching himself, rubbing his bulge with his hand as he laps at your sopping cunt. You want nothing more than to share your next climax with him.

“Fuck... I wanna cum with you, ‘teyam.” You moan breathlessly, legs trembling uncontrollably as you try to push away his head.

He peers up at you, gulping your juices loudly before pulling away from your throbbing cunt. He stands quickly, meeting his lips with yours, having you taste your own cum. He kisses you frantically, still touching himself.

“Mine to touch.” You slap away his hand and grab his growing bulge.

He moans at your aggressive advances. You pull down his loincloth in a hurry, to hear the slap of his cock against his belly. You look down to see his monstrous cock, oozing beads of precum out of its pink, mushroom-like head. His slick is shiny, glistening in the light that reflects against the water outside of the cave. It looks so tempting.  

“I want to taste you, too.” You announce, quickly dropping to your knees.

His warm, rock-hard cock brushes against your cheek. You take a deep breath and hold it to savour his musky scent. You release your hot breath through your nose, as you rub your closed mouth up and down against his shaft. The heat of your breath against his sensitive, throbbing cock sends his head back in frustration – he’s eager for you to take him in your mouth. You sense his desperation, and lick the tip of his cock, swirling your tongue around his cockhead. He bucks his hips suddenly, sliding his cock over your closed eye.

You let out a breathy laugh. “Want to fuck my face that badly?” You lick his cock from the base of his shaft, back up to his tip and take him into your mouth.

His cock is so thick and girthy that it stings the corners of your mouth when he thrusts inside down your mouth. He’s pressing his hands firmly against the rocky wall behind you, trying to prevent himself from ramming his entire length down your slippery throat. You suck harshly, paying attention to his swollen cockhead as you bob your head up and down.

“F-fuck.” He groans, dropping his head, feeling overstimulated “I need to be inside you.” He grips you by the hair and pulls you off his cock, standing you up. He’s panting like a maniac, backing you up against wall yet again, kissing you hungrily.

“So, fuck me, Neteyam.” You grunt into his mouth, reaching down to stroke his swollen cock.

“Shit. Spread your legs for me.” He moans into your mouth between feverish kisses.

You obey him, opening your legs as wide as you can whilst standing up. His fingers rub against your slit, coating themselves with your glossy slick. You whine against his fingers, trying to grasp them with the walls of your cunt. He rams two fingers inside you, scissoring them to stretch your hole out enough for his cock.

“Nghh, Neteyam... make me yours.” You pant, trying to grind into his fingers. “Just put it in, already” you whine, trying to replace his fingers with his cock.

“Patience, my love.” He pants, trying to be gentle with you. “It is your first time, no? You must be stretched.” He hums, inserting his third digit inside of you.

You feel like you’re losing it, you just need his cock inside of you. “Please. I need this.” You beg, gripping his member.

His hand is pressing against the wall; his wrist brushing against your neck as he looks deeply into your eyes – forehead to forehead. He searches your eyes for your bluff, to be met with your serious glare. He’s so eager to fuck you that he can’t even hold himself back anymore to stretch you out properly.

“Fuck, y/n.” he exhales, moving his hand from your slit and turning you around, pressing you roughly against the wall.

Your tail sways wildly from side to side, tickling his throbbing cock, as you look behind you at your soon-to-be mate. You see him reach for his queue, running his hand along its length before bringing it forward. Knots form in your stomach knowing that he’s about to make the bond with you. He takes his hand off your head and reaches for your queue, bringing it towards his.

He pauses, waiting for your word – for your consent.

“Yes, Neteyam. Do it.” You say through shaky breaths, feeling your slick drip down your legs from the thought of him being all yours. You knew this would upset many people close to you, but you didn’t care.

He watches closely as your tendrils wrap around each other, morphing together to form a unified connection. Your eyes bulge and dilate as you both take a sharp breath, feeling your bodies and minds sync together. He looks down at you, and you look behind you to meet his gaze, knowing his every thought – knowing exactly how badly he wants you.

You’re panting at the mere thought of him ploughing into your cunt. He presses you against the wall with his body, pushing his bulge against your slit, coating it with your thick nectar. He leans into your ear, brushing his lips against it, just taking in the feeling of his mate. You feel him grip his cock and rub the tip against your hole. You feel his restraint – his struggle to fight the urge to bury himself inside you.

Please... hurry. You pant, pushing yourself back onto him.

Say the words, y/n. Use your voice.

“Fuck me.” You moan breathlessly, feeling his hot breath against the back of your neck. “Please.” you whisper.

“Good girl.” he smiles into your shoulder, lifting one of your legs up in the air, spreading you wide enough to accommodate him.

He slides the tip in slowly, giving you time to adjust to his thickness. It feels as if you’re overly full – stuffed to the brim with Neteyam’s huge cock, and it isn’t even half way in yet. You whimper loudly, from the mixture of pain and pleasure of taking something this massive inside of you. Neteyam cups your mouth with his hand, muffling your loud, lewd noises.

“Shhh... Mawey. You don’t want your father hearing us, do you?” he growls into your neck, slipping into his hazy fog of desperation. Your whimpers quiet down into soft mewls as your cunt stretches to the sheer girth of his cock. He praises you by planting soft wet kisses on the nape of your neck.

“That’s a good girl.” He groans into your neck, inhaling your natural scent. “You are taking me so well.” He looks down at the sight of his mate taking his cock for the first time, causing him to lose his control for a split second.

“Although, I would love to have Ao’nung hear this.” He rams his entire cock inside of your cunt in one swift thrust, getting the pain over with for you.

“Agh! Neteyam!” You yelp out a long, loud scream, feeling overstimulated from the mixture of sensations happening all at once.

Hearing his name roll of your tongue in such a lewd manner causes him to fall deeper into the haze he’s under. He’s breathing heavily into your shoulder, enduring the tightness of your cunt as it clenches around his entire length, willing himself not to pump in and out of you.

“Mmn’ you okay?” he mumbles, focusing on being as gentle as he possibly can with you.

“Sst. ‘ts too big, it stings, Nete!” you panic, frantically trying to accommodate to his size.

“Shh... I’m sorry, baby.” He kisses your neck while rubbing circles into your thighs, patiently waiting for you to get comfortable. “But you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting this... wanting you.” he growls.

Flutters are felt in your stomach, yet again, making you want him even more. “Me too, Nete... I’ve wanted you from the moment I first lay eyes on you.” You say between shaky breaths. “You can move now.” You moan, feeling more pleasure than pain as you back yourself up on him.

Those were the only words he needed to hear. He begins thrusting into you with no rhythm, grinding his cockhead against the hole of your cervix. He moves his hand in front of your body, tracing the dips of your stomach as he makes his way down to your swollen clit. He rubs circles into your wet pearl as he ruts relentlessly into you.

“Oh, good Eywa. Neteyam!” a new sensation washes over you as he fucks right into your sweet spot.

“Fuck. You’re so... *thrust* fucking small... *thrust* so tiny... *thrust* and tight.” he grunts into your ear, rolling your clit between his fingers. “Shit. You’re just sucking me in.”

He’s pounding into you at this point, unable to restrain himself from his territorial urges, fuelled by the jealousy of seeing Ao’nung touch you in that way. You could feel that his climax is near, as yours is nearing too. Your leg is shaking, about to give out at any moment. He takes notice of this, and lifts your other leg, causing you to slump back into him as he fucks you suspended in the air.

He weaves his arms under your knees and around the back of your head, spreading your legs as wide as they can possibly go. He is pounding into you so hard that you can feel his balls slap against your sore clit. His movements become erratic, like he’s going to cum inside of you any second. The heat is overwhelming, like you’re about to implode from the sheer force of his thrusts.

“Fuck! ‘m gonna cum!” you cry, finally feeling the burning sensation in your chest shoot down into your pelvis. Your walls clench tightly around his cock, on the verge of pulsating.

“Oh – oh fuck.” He huffs, quickly climbing to his peak. “Moan my name. Tell me who you are really promised to.” he groans, licking the dip of your shoulder.

“Ngh... Ne-neteyam! I’m promised to you! Oh – I’m cumming!” your cunt throbs quickly as you cum to the sound of his sweaty skin slapping against yours, burying his pulsating cock deep into your cunt.

“Gooood girl. Cum all over my cock” he grunts into your ear, cumming inside of you. “Ughh... fuck.” he groans, looking down at his cock spurting its thick, heavy ropes of cum into your cunt.

He rests his head into your shoulder, desperately trying to calm down from his high. He’s panting hot breathes onto your clammy skin, already being consumed by his urges yet again. He uncontrollably bucks his hips into you, as you feel his low mewls vibrate into your shoulder. He’s whimpering from the overstimulation of his body rutting into you after just cumming.

“Y/n. You need to go.” He growls, suddenly pulling out of you and releasing your legs – causing you to fall to your knees, breaking tsaheylu. You turn your head around and look up at Neteyam to be met with reptilian-like, green eyes, peering down at you.

“Neteyam?” you pant breathlessly, already knowing what’s happening.

Your mate just went into rut.

[shawtythatluvsurgut]

gunna have a video of me feeding my feedee up on my onlyfans soon. i’m thinking about starting it back up while i take a break from college because it was kind of empowering to get to own my kink in such a way. I also enjoy sharing that side of myself with all of you. subscription price will be between $8-$10/mo since my feedee is going to be collaborating with me on certain pieces of content. i will maybe begin gaining again once i get my health back in check, we’ll see. i want my muscle mommy build back, and to get that back i’ll have to pack on some weight. so we’ll see what happens with that. ;)

in the meantime and between-time, stay safe. especially on the internet. all of my old rules still apply for messaging me, but i will gradually get back to making regular content and posts. now that i am taking a break from school, i’m working more, but I also have free time on my hands when i’m not working. it feels really nice to get back into the swing of things. I’ve missed you all and I’ve missed the positive aspects of this community.

going forward, i’m just going to block people who talk shit to me or delete their comments (unless it’s of actual importance to discuss). i’m just done engaging with that shit. idk, i’m on new medication that seem to be actually working and i feel stable, so i feel ready to re-embrace this community with open arms.

a special thank you to everyone who continued engaging with me and communicating with me during my break. i appreciate all of your kind words more than you know, and if i didn’t respond to you it was because i didn’t want the answer to “hey how are you?” to be “i’m miserable. how are you?”. but I saw all of you - each and every message, comment, text, etc. - and i just want to say thank you. the people who still proceeded to message me with positivity are the reason I have decided I want to come back.

With all that being said, I hope you will all accept me back. I understand that some of you were upset that I left and didn’t understand my reasonings, but I hope we can reconcile our differences and i can gain your trust again. I’m not the angry person that I became when responding to hate messages, and that also influenced my time away. I could see that my demeanor on this hellsite was changing and I was getting more upset, angry and, honestly, afraid of going on here (let alone posting myself on here). However, that has changed. I’ve been working on being more optimistic and caring less about the negative opinions of others. Frankly, if someone doesn’t like me or my content they should just be an adult about it and either reach out to discuss that or ignore me. If they can’t do that, I believe they are childish and need to get a grip. There are some key things I’ve learned in life that I want to share with people who are as I described above:

- your comfort is not someone else’s responsibility. if it makes you uncomfortable, then don’t engage. It’s as simple as that.

- no one has to cater to your interests. everyone lives on their own agenda. your wants and desires do not take priority over the wants and desires of others. sure, there are some people who will cater to your every wish, but i’m definitely not one of them.

- similarly to above, your desires do not take priority over someone’s health. that includes both mental health and physical health. (death feedism is a thing if you are interested in someone wanting to gain while not caring about their health. this is not a death feedism page and i suggest you go search in the tags for that if it is what you are looking for. I do not want to kill my feedee, nor do I want him or I to gain enough weight to become immobile or at risk in any way. As hot as the idea is to me at times, we are both too active and work in active careers for that to be a realistic possibility for us. maybe someday i’ll get a stay at home job and get really big, or maybe someday he will. only time can tell. sorry for the length, i’m high. i’ll stfu now.

- people don’t care. no stranger online owes it to you to care that you don’t like their body, or that you don’t like this or that. it doesn’t matter because that person does not know you. there’s no point in wasting time caring about your negative comment unless it’s actually useful and constructive commentary.

So anyways, i’m back in business again. gonna post some FA art soon + start uploading to my OF again. I thank any of you who read this far and again I hope you can accept me back into the community.

Thanks,

Nico

[corzydoie]

Read Between The Lines

Author's Note: So THIS is why it's taken me so long to finally post (this and school cause MIDTERMS). This plus some (A LOT) more was originally supposed to be Part 2 of Sketches of Goodbye and was going to be published under a different title. HOWEVER, it was taking me too long to get to the meat of what I wanted Part 2 to be about so I just decided to post a chunk of it as Part 1.5. If you haven't read Sketches of Goodbye, you shouldn't read this yet cause it will make ZERO sense. NOT PROOFREAD!!

Summary: You finally got a much-needed break from your work, and decided to plan a getaway trip with friends you haven't seen in forever!

Word Count: 1.8k

Content Warning(s): Cursing, Mentions of Killing Attempt, Choking

It’s been over a year since you left Lando in Monaco to pursue your dreams in Japan. Although you texted each other congratulations on achievements and special occasions, calls and visits were cards that were never played. 

Lando would be lying if he said he didn’t stalk your personal and professional social media accounts. There were multiple times one of the other drivers caught him watching your story or commenting pleasantries on your latest post. Some thought he was delusional and others knew how hard it was for him to let you go considering the length of your relationship.

December 14th, exactly a week after the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, you had just finished preparing for the company’s Valentine’s Day collection. You took photos of your discarded designs and messy workspace before leaving for your holiday break.

Lando’s phone dinged, signaling he received a notification. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he read his screen. His colleagues paid him no mind and continued to eat the postseason dinner they gathered for.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Lando exclaimed as he jolted out of his seat. All of the drivers glared at Lando due to his sudden outburst.

“Mate what is so catastrophic you almost upend the whole table?” George questioned his friend. Lando frantically showed his dinner mates his phone screen, most struggling to see the image clearly, which led them to check their phones to see what the McLaren driver was upset over. They opened Instagram and were met with your most recent post. At first, they couldn’t understand how a simple wintertime photo dump would upset Lando.

Until they saw the third photo.

yns.sketchbook

Liked by carmenmmundt, lilymhe and 62485 others

yns.sketchbook fun in the snow 🌨️

lilymhe so cute can’t wait to see you again

yns.sketchbook omg I miss you too I’ll come visit soon

carmenmmundt we should all hangout when you come yn!!

yns.sketchbook say less already booking my flight

username her instagram is so aesthetic 

username literally my role model

username ok but who is that

username idk but maybe we shouldn’t ask??

username yeah shes literally hiding their face on purpose

username IS THAT A MAN???? THAT’S A MAN’S HAND???

username the internets favorite designer

username honestly at this point she should be the model

username deadass shes so gorg

username her face isnt even in this post hello??

username somebodys new here...

username does she have a new boyfriend??

username OMG I HOPE NOT I WAS ROOTING FOR HER AND LANDO TO GET BACK TOGETHER

username they broke up for a reason maybe it should stay that way

“There’s no way you’re upset 'cause she moved on,” Lewis laughed.

“Lando it’s been over a year, she was bound to find someone else.” Max tried rationalizing the situation to his friend, but Lando’s thoughts clouded his judgment. He felt betrayed. In his head, you were meant for each other. He was willing to wait forever to be with you again. He only wanted you.

“You’re getting mad because she posted someone that might not even be a man. But do you think she would be upset over the fact you slept with girls left and right after she left?” Pierre’s question prompted an uproar of oohs, laughs, and dropped jaws around the table.

“But that’s different.” Lando attempted a defense as he slumped back into his chair.

“HOW?” everyone screamed at him.

“CAUSE THEY MEANT NOTHING TO ME. Those were just hookups, she has a BOYFRIEND!” Lando explained.

“Y’know,” Franco interjected, “if I broke up with a girl that beautiful, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself either.” The group went silent as they looked quizzically at the Argentine who continued eating his dish.

Lando got up and started walking away from the group of drivers. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“I wonder if she knows he stalks her,” Pierre hollered after him.

“Oh, she knows.” Yuki’s statement causes Lando to freeze, slowly turning his body back towards everybody. She knew? Yuki knew she knew? How did he know? How did she know? Sensing the unwavering glares from his taller counterparts and what they wanted from him, Yuki answered their unspoken question. “I told her.” Yuki’s face remained unbothered until Lando came hurling at him, placing his hands around his neck as he vehemently shook the poor little guy, purely out of frustration. The other 18 drivers immediately got out of their seats, some yelling at Lando to get off Yuki, a few trying to pry Lando off manually, and others leaving the room to get help, even though the overlapped yelling was warning enough to anybody else in the building.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU TOLD HER?”

“WHAT THE FUCK BRO?”

“YOU TALK TO HER? DID YOU KNOW SHE GOT A BOYFRIEND?”

“LANDO GET OFF YUKI.”

“YOU’RE FUCKING INSANE.”

“YOU’RE GONNA KILL HIM LANDO.”

“WHY DOES SHE TALK TO YOU AND NOT ME?”

“HOW WOULD I KNOW?”

“LANDO THIS IS IRRATIONAL.” Eventually, Max could yank Lando’s hands off Yuki, sending the Japanese man into a coughing fit.

“You need to leave. Right now,” Max commanded his friend. And without putting up (another) fight, Lando walked out of the restaurant. Everybody slowly turned their attention to George, the dinner planner and GPDA director, wondering if this would be an incident he had to report.

“He’s lucky it’s the off season,” he sighed, easing any remaining tension at the table.

It was the middle of the night in Tokyo, and a storm was knocking against the glass of your windows. As much as you attempted to sleep, the constant pattering of harsh winds and repetitive dings from your phone overwhelmed your tired senses. Three blankets, hot chocolate, and another person to keep you warm were not enough to lull you into a fanciful dreamscape. You had barely arrived at your front doorstep when the interesting comments on your post began rolling in. It was always the same, so you became unfazed by their existence. You remembered commenting jokingly with your old friends Carmen and Lily. You truly did miss them, it just never seemed there was time for you guys to see each other due to vastly different careers. You were reminiscing about the winter trips the three of you would take to New York, with your boyfriends tagging along. As a wonderful plan began forming in your mind, you reached over to grab your phone off the bedside table, sending a quick text before finally falling asleep.

The next couple of weeks were spent preparing for your New York trip. It was a spur-of-the-moment plan, but Carmen and Lily were on board immediately since the last time you saw each other was during the Suzuka race week. It would almost be like old times, except you would be bringing someone else as your plus one. But you knew that Alex and George knew how to be cordial, even if it was their friend getting the short end of the stick.

Your phone rang as you were packing the last of your bags. You glanced to see the name YUKI POOKIE <3 plastered across the screen, deciding to answer immediately. It mostly contained catching up on your journeys and laughing about Lando’s murder attempt on his small companion, with a small reminder that he was supposed to pick you up in a couple of hours and drop you off at the airport.

You swiftly found your luggage at the claim and pulled your phone out of your jacket to call Lily. She arrived in New York with Alex a week before you, so now you just waited for Carmen and George, who would arrive in a couple of days. You stood waiting at the pickup zone for your friend as your phone kept ringing, signaling she hadn’t answered yet. As you were about to give up trying to reach your friend, you heard her voice from the other side.

“Hey y/n, sorry I took so long to answer I was in the bathroom. Alex is gonna pick you up, I have a few errands I need to run before the end of the day. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh, no worries, that’s fine. Do you know what car he’s driving so I know what to look for.”

“It should be a black Land Rover, the windshield isn’t tinted though so you should be able to spot him when he drives up.”

“Thanks so much, Lily, I owe you guys one!” You waited a few minutes before you saw Lily’s boyfriend, Alex, slow down and pull up in front of you. He rolled down the passenger side window, asking “Uber for y/n y/l/n plus one?” You were a little scared about George and Alex meeting your new boyfriend through this trip since it was usually Lando at your side, but Alex seemed cordial at the first impression. He got out of the driver's seat and helped the both of you load your luggage into the trunk, sticking his hand out towards your boyfriend for a handshake.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Alex.” Even though you were already on your way to the passenger side door, you slowed your pace to hear their curt interaction.

“Eiji, likewise!” ‘Likewise? Why are they being so formal?’ you thought as you took your seat. The two men walked along opposite sides of the car, one in the backseat and the other in the driver’s seat. Alex checked all the mirrors to make sure they were to his liking before he pulled away from the airport and drove to your destination.

When you arrived in front of your hotel, you made sure to thank Alex and asked him to say hi to Lily for you. The check-in process was smooth and you found your room with ease. As soon as you opened the door, you dragged yourself to the bed and plopped down with a thud and a groan.

“I don’t know why you were so nervous for me to meet them, Alex seems like a nice guy,” your boyfriend said as he closed the door you left wide open.

“He is a nice guy, I was just scared that it was gonna be awkward.” You could hear his footsteps faintly approaching you which were followed by the bed sinking next to you, indicating you joined you on the comfortable queen. You could hear him talking, but the jetlag hit you in a single strong wave, and his voice started to fade as you could finally get a reasonable amount of sleep for the first time in months. Eiji noticed you weren’t replying to any of his points of conversation and looked over to see you asleep, remembering the stressful weeks and sleepless nights leading up to this trip. He knew this was your only break before summer and decided to take a nap right beside you.

Written By: CorzyDoie <3

[grapejuicestyless]

i have had this idea for so long, but i really think you could do this justice. sort of like the film the holiday!!! but not really set in Christmas and more so through the seasons. harry moves out of the city (doesn’t need to be a singer and could just be a CEO) into a small village in a lovely cottage where all of the furniture is mismatched and there’s sash windows which are always open. He’s there for a few months before he starts to feel lonely so decides to bring in a lodger! He hand makes posters and puts them on the village hall board and … he finally gets a taker! It’s a quirky girl who is totally all over the place and she moves in .. the seasons change and so does their relationship.. friends to lovers OR ACTUALLY maybe it could be so interesting for it to be enemies to lovers! That could be fun to write. But idk I’ve been thinking about it for so long !!! They could organise a dinner party for friends one night or maybe Harry goes away to the city for a meeting and that’s where y/n realises how much she misses him / likes him. Definitely has to be fluffy but also needs to have some drama. I haven’t figured that out yet 😭😭😭 I’m so sorry for this really long rambly post but I wanted to give u as much of my brain as possible lol. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see what you would do with this / if it’s something you’re even interested in. Have a gorgeous evening / day / morning xxx love you!!💖💖💖💖💖

Bad People

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Harry and Y/n met by pure luck. Sharing secrets and laughing like little kids, ribs and cheeks hurting. Y/n is sure Harry is destined to be in her life forever. She’s just not sure when that became a bad thing.

FLANGST/FRIENDS TO ENEMIES TO LOVERS

The pale blue sky looked gray from certain windows. The glass was cracked and the stove stained with boiled over soup broth and old sprinklings of spices.

The birds sang solemnly, humming the tune to what I believed sounded like something you’d hear at a funeral. Here, the pavement was cracked and the stars were consistently covered with clouds. Snow, more often than not, fell heavily. From October to April. The nearby ocean nearly always too cold to swim in. The backyard pool cold and clean, still with nobody to inhabit it.

All the beauty ripped from the earth, and replaced with another kind of it. I wouldn’t mind it half as much, if I had someone to enjoy the snow with. To enjoy the polar plunges, the visible breath and numb fingers.

Like old times sake, snowmen and snowball fights. Sledding or fort making. Rosy cheeks and icy hair a memory of the past. Cheeks hurting from smiles, not the winter chill.

The laughter of my mother was long gone, and my brother outgrew his desire for a sibling as soon as he turned sixteen. Few friends, not any at least, that would enjoy the activities the white powder offered.

So now, I look out the window, nursing a glass of wine propped up on the windowsill. I don’t see the snow day ahead or pray for a white Christmas. I pray that one day, I’ll find someone to enjoy it with me. To soothe the pain little eight year old me suffered with the absence of her father, her distant mother and her selfish brother.

“Looking at it won’t make it fall any faster, Y/n.” The puff of air coming from my nose fogs up to cool glass, and my fingers leave prints along the center.

He’s not looking at me, he rarely does when we aren’t fighting. It’s like I disgust him. I feel like a fool every god damn time.

“Have you always naturally been an asshole or did you grow into it?” I don’t look at him, but I feel his gaze settle on my reflection in the glass. His voice alone urges me to take a large drink from the wine glass. The ruby red staining my top lip. I spread it around and taste the bitterness of it on my tongue.

He begins to leave, almost succeeding without a passing glance, but biting his tongue is something Harry nor I have ever been able to do. So it’s natural how he goes for the last word.

“Theres only so much wine, Y/n.” He teases. I down the rest while he walks away. The sigh that leaves my mouth after I feel the ghost of him leaving me isn’t only for air, but because suddenly the room feels lighter.

It’s funny, how someone so special can leave such a disgusting taste in your mouth. Hatred doesn’t just happen. It creeps, seeps, saturates. It’s a pesky little thing that starts small until finally you can’t ignore how bothered you are. It’s vile and cruel. A poisonous little thing that no one is immune to. It’s a sad yet funny thing. To remember that it wasn’t always like this. I didn’t always hate my old friend, bounded to me through the home we share. I once enjoyed the company of Harry styles.

It was nearly a year since I’d moved in. A year since the snow turned to thick ice and roads became bare with people too afraid to try and navigate through the harsh winter.

Nearly a year since I first saw the house at the end of the road, with a neat front lawn and a tree with hanging branches ready to snap.

A red scarf and red mittens is what I wore. With a faded brown coat and worn blue jeans. A hat on top of my head and a journal tucked underneath my arm. He had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. The stars in the night sky didn’t quite shine as bright as his eyes, I swore it to myself.

He had an english accent, one that I wasn’t familiar with. Peach fuzz and dark chocolate curls a mess on his head. When I told him my job, he laughed, but something about his shocked expression after told me he didn’t mean it cruelly. Rather, that he was shocked, or just piecing the puzzle together.

“I’m my mother’s daughter.” I told him, “She always had a thing for poetry. The sappy ones with the tragic endings. I got it from her and I’m damn good at it.” I smiled at him then, and he smiled back bigger.

“It’s just funny. Moving somewhere so quiet for a job all about fantasy and adventure.” He explained, already guiding the two of us through the wide doorway. I set my boots in the old entryway which it seemed he had turned into a mud room. I admired the shade of green on the wall and nodded along. My cheeks hurt from smiling.

That night, while settling into my new space, I shared with him my life. My goals and dreams. With his toothy smile and boyish eyes, he made it so easy to trust him. I sat on my newly made bed and he sat in my spinning chair by my desk. Moving it back and forth, swaying slowly. A cigarette started dangling from his pocket, I still remember the way he took it between his thumb and his index finger. Rolling it around, debating whether or not to light it. It was like he didn’t know he had it.

“I didn’t take you for a smoker.” I laughed at him, he laughed back. Shy almost, only looking at me for a moment.

“M’not. A few here and there. Helps to wind down.” When he ran his hand through his hair, I remember seeing all his rings. A rose and two with his initials. One looked like a lion. That one was my favorite.

Other than his charming smile and infectious laughter, I knew nothing of him, I had come to realize. Here he was, knowing about my family and friends. My job and my hobbies. All I had asked him was his name.

When I asked him, he was just as talkative as I was. A sparkle in his eyes when he talked about his job. I remember specifically, how they lit up extra bright when he mentioned his mother, Anne, and his older sister, Gemma. I learned about his job too. Harry had everything he could ever truly want. The money, the power, the glory. His office at the top floor overlooking the bustling city that never sleeps. Families dancing around the square and traffic backed up into the city line.

The sad thing was, that even with all this pride he got to carry with his reputation, the city was no home to him. The summer held no comfort. Not the same now that he was long out of school. The heat was simply uncomfortable. His lavish suit sticking to his skin. Even the air conditioner couldn’t soothe the pounding of his head against the strong New York heat.

His nose stung in the summer. The warmer it got, the worse it smelled. Garbage littering the streets no longer covered by thick snow. Tourists and their children filling up all his favorite places of relaxation. Each carrying their own scent from home. The calming pine from the North or the tangy citrus of the west coast.

Harry felt no true love for his home anymore. No real attachment. There was no smell of home, and there certainly wasn’t any old faces with their gravelly voices and thick accents. If it weren’t for the business there, he would’ve fled somewhere else long ago. Somewhere quieter. Somewhere that felt like home. If he could, he would have tucked himself back into the small home his mother raised him and his sister in. He would’ve curled up happily in his twin bed and looked out the same crooked window each night and feel happy with only that.

He tells me that when he got in the car waiting for him at the airport, he was tempted to tell the driver to take him home, to see if it would make him smile. He’d seen the gag used in all the old rom-coms he and his mother used to watch. The short blonde running from the love of her life only to be led back into his arms. But Harry know’s better. He tells me so. So when the driver asks him where to, he tells him the address.

He told me about his work life. How there was a branch out in the UK. The one that started it all. And as his success grew, so did his aspirations and his needs. London no longer provided him with the luxury and opportunity that New York could. So he swapped out his office for a penthouse and acted like the smell of burning garbage and mysterious wet spots on the sidewalks didn’t bother him.

It’s a vicious cycle. To outgrow, to long for, to move, to hate all over again. Thats how he decided that London has just what he needed. His business within reach and smaller towns surrounding its borders.

“And what about now? Are you happy?” Harry crinkled his eyes then, smiling a nodding along. He didn’t even mind it then, when I would interrupt. In fact, he welcomed it. Claimed he loved hearing me talk.

I agreed with him when he said that the grass is greener down here. The stars are just that much brighter and theres not a single car honking their horn past nine. All things that left him feeling a whole lot calmer than the chaos of the city.

Here, Harry told me he didn’t mind not living in a lavish penthouse just a few blocks away from his work. Here, he was hours away from the city. He stays in a medium sized cape cod styled house, pre-decorated from the past owners who didn’t care to take their things when they left for something bigger. It sticks out from the rest of the homes nearby. He wonders how something so different ended up within the same area. And he smiled and sat on the floor when I laughed and told him he’d already lived quite the life for a nearly-thirty year old man.

When silence took over after over an hour long conversation, I bit at my nails and looked at the floor. Suddenly, it came to me.

“Harry?” I had asked. He hummed, looking at me. Even if I hadn’t looked back, I could still feel his eyes on mine. “What made you want a roommate?” When my eyes flickered up to his, I saw no hate, or disgust, or shame. Nothing that I am familiar with now in Harry’s eyes. I saw curiosity, warmth and happiness.

“I like the quiet. I like being able to sleep without someone yelling down the hallway. I like how green it is over here.” I nodded, waiting for him to continue. “But the quiet get’s lonely. And while I like the quiet, I hate being alone.” And it made me smile back then. Maybe it still does thinking about it know. He had been helping me in finding a home, some place warm to stay. Meanwhile, I had been able to give back. Give him what he wanted. At the time, my heart warmed.

For a long time after that, Harry made my heart beat fiercely. He brought me flowers and made us pancakes. Freshly picked blueberries from the local market. He cracked jokes and I repeated them back between our broken laughter, imitating his english accent.

He was a charming man, with an energy that invited and kept you drawn to him. Everyone wanted to be around Harry. The men and the women. Always wanting a piece of the pie. I felt rich in life, that while others had to work for a lifelong friendship with him, naturally, we fit together. We worked.

He entered my life by some kind of coincidence. I needed a place to stay and he was offering a room up.

When he brushed his thumb over my knuckles and kissed the skin, I believed we would be like this forever. Just the two of us.

When he whispered to me that he loved me that same night, I thought it was something he would never take back. Something that would never change. His warm breath and glistening eyes. He was red and shiny. A bottle of the cheap champagne sat on the table and an empty glass beside him. I let his lips trail around my hand and laugh at his antics.

“Harry.” I mumbled into the darkness, he doesn’t move. I silently giggle again after he puffs air out of his own nose onto my hand playfully. His shoulders shake with his own fits of laughter, “Harry.” I call out again, and my eyes are met with his dazzling emerald ones. I almost got lost, forgot how to talk looking at him.

My palms were sweaty with nervousness then. My heart beating out of my chest. I wanted more than anything to tell him everything. As a poet, it should have been easy to put my thoughts out in the open air. But they hadn’t sat within me for long enough to curate a straight forward answer.

How would I even manage to start on how beautiful I thought his brown hair was? Perfectly colored like milk chocolate treats that curled over his forehead. Or his toothy grin which pulled butterflies from the pit of my stomach and made me feel lighter? I couldn’t find just one thing to focus on. And the words that came out of my mouth tumbled out quickly.

“You’re my best friend.” I hoped that he would’ve been able to see how much love I held for him in my face. How even in the dim lighting of only the fireplace and the fading lamp in the corner, he could see how they sparkled just for him.

He pulled his hand away after that, clearing his throat and nodding. But he smiled so softly after that I didn’t see how his eyes welled up with tears. I only saw his perfectly pink lips and his rosy cheeks. For once, I wasn’t focused on his eyes, and I paid the price.

He never made pancakes for us after that night. Nor did he ever pick flowers from the fields or crack jokes until our stomachs hurt. My hand was never slotted between his and my head didn’t rest on top of his shoulders. He was colder, more distant. Quiet.

But the quiet grew old for us both. And the slipping away hurt more than anything I’d ever experienced. I was everyone else in his life. Fighting for a spot in the light so he would see me, smile at me, acknowledge me.

Part of me wondered why he never asked me to leave. To pack my bags and find another innocent man to love because he wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. But he never did. Harry hated being alone and I knew better than anyone else. I knew it because I was his best friend at some point. We shared the same breaths and drank from the same glasses. I wore his shirts and he used my hair clips. He kept me around not because he still wanted me, but because he still needed me. And the realization of it all hurts worse than the silence because it’s then I know that I’ve really lost him. It leaves me with the question, ‘What have I done to deserve this?’

I think back on that night when our world shifted on its axis and I go over every word that was said. I check for any signs of discomfort or anger and I find nothing. It plagues me with a new insecurity.

Maybe it wasn’t something I’d said, maybe it wasn’t something I’d done. Maybe the warmth from the champagne grew cold in his blood and the false euphoria from it all cleared from his peripheral vision and he realized that I was no longer enough. I was not what he wanted. The idea of his roommate becoming his only friend too pathetic for a man with such power.

Soon after, I stop putting up a fight. I stop fighting for a spot in his life and I stop trying to win back a man that was never mine. I figured at least if he could never be mine and I would never be his, at least I still got to see his pretty face everyday. And I could imagine that we never drifted.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost. The tears running down my cheeks are hot, burning my skin until my throat dully aches and my chest is red with flakes of nail polish and the dragging of my nails clawing at my chest.

I am sobbing, broken and tired. I dream of a life that is not as miserable. I dream of a life where I no longer doubt the things I love. Where I don’t have to question my friend’s loyalty.

He knocks on my door, leaning against it in only his flannel pants. He has tattoos that compliment his skin so well. He looks like a painting. I’m relieved to see him again. Even if it’s under these circumstances.

I wait for him to speak, even if it’s merely a mumble. Even if I cannot understand.

“Can you stop crying? I can’t sleep.” He requests. My lips part and I swear my lungs collapse within my chest. I can’t breathe and somehow I remain composed.

“Okay.” I say quietly, nodding along and trying to find his eyes. They look at the floor, and his face is contorted like it pained him to say that to me. Like it was against his will. But he doesn’t even look at me.

When he leaves, I collapse, shoulder shaking with rage, sadness, confusion instead of the contagious laughter that once rang out through the halls.

I decide then, July moon shining through the sash windows of my room that I couldn’t continue holding onto Harry. My heart still beats for him and my eyes still sparkled when his own lingered for just a moment longer on me, but I couldn’t like him.

Hatred doesn’t just happen. It creeps, seeps, saturates. It’s a pesky little thing that starts small until finally you can’t ignore how bothered you are. It’s vile and cruel. A poisonous little thing that no one is immune to. It’s a sad yet funny thing.

After that night, his selfish wishes turn to bitter comments which turn to vicious attacks at my confidence. And my resilience and devotion to silence, to ignore the cruelty of it all is worn thin. My bitten tongue is freed and I am betrayed by my own words. My own comments targeted at his deepest hurts. It’s a mutual hate between us, a mutual dislike.

We live within the same four walls, the same windows and creaky roof over our heads. We cook in the same kitchen and we sit on the same couch, but we cannot stand each other anymore. The house is no longer filled with love, and the warm heat turns to bitter cold. And yet, neither of us have the guts to leave.

We sit here, in a life thats so mean to us just because we are afraid of the loneliness that is surely to come with the other’s absence.

We are here, but we aren’t present. It makes me laugh, it makes me wonder.

Who could ever leave me? But who could stay?

The candles burned down to the floor, wax melting over the wood as the lights set a warm, homely mood for the night. The late December rush throughout the town turned to the few and far between searching for last minute supplies to ring in the new year. It’s peacefully still outside, and the dining room looks so nice I forget why the candles burn and our nicest plates are set out.

Harry insisted on having a small gathering with some of our friends to celebrate the new year before he went away for sometime for work. Being roommates, despite our lack of interest in establishing our own friendship, his friends become my friends and mine become his. It’s a fairly large group that was once two. But have now become so closely intertwined that it seems hard to differentiate who was friends with who first.

There was wine, pastas and breads. Hams and potatoes. Drinks and endless desserts. It felt nice, to have all those people we cared so deeply about chip in and help to create such a lovely meal for the few of us.

Hearing that first doorbell ring to see all of our friends stood proudly on our crooked doorstep made my heart flutter. Sarah, Mitch, Pauli, Elin, Charlotte, Nyoh. All holding various foods to add to the never ending supply on the multiple tables set in a row.

“Harry! Y/n!” The enthusiasm from our friends seemed to lighten the mood, letting the heavy feeling of heated arguments and constant anger slip down my back and into the farthest part of my brain.

It was times like these where I’d forget how to hate. How to spread anger and disgust to someone who clearly showed none of it in return in these times. Here, Harry was talkative. Always plastering on a fake smile and wave.

He was good at pretending. And while the walls of the house had seen a different story, those around us were innocent, forever unknowing of how Harry constantly belittled me, bothered me. Of how I was no better. How my tongue was sharp and my words shot to kill.

Nobody minded the difference in height of the dinning room table against the kitchen table. How one was round and the other a rectangle. Both covered by one long table cloth. Nobody minded the soft music in the background or how the light wasn’t the brightest. The soft flickers never mentioned.

We let the candles burn until they had nothing left to give, and we ate until it was bare and our stomachs hurt. Here, I never felt like I was trapped. Here, I remembered why I came to live with Harry in the first place. And I was thankful. It was times like these I couldn’t help smiling like an idiot. Cheeks sore and eyes crinkling. I would laugh at just about anything, trust anyone and agree with everything.

“When are you going to tell him?” An elbow to the ribs pulled my gaze from the end of the table, my smile dropping for only a moment at the sudden shock.

“Sorry?” I mumbled softly into Sarah’s ear. Her eyes glimmered with something mischievous, like she knew something that I didn’t. She licked her pink lips and looked briefly back to the end of the table. All the way over by the dining table, sat a few feet away and a couple inches higher, was Harry. Laughing and talking with Pauli and Elin about anything and everything. I couldn’t quite make it out over the soft chatter of Mitch and Charlotte and the clinking of forks on plates.

“Harry!” She called softly. When my eyebrows furrowed she rolled her eyes, sighing heavily.

“I don’t get it.” Forking another bite of vegetables into my mouth, I watched her fight for the right words to say. Her lips finally settling on the soft smile I knew very well.

“Don’t play dumb, Y/n. I know that look. Better than anyone. Thats how I look at Mitch.” She playfully nudged my shoulder. Did she believe that I held any romantic feelings for Harry? I couldn’t, it was impossible. Right?

His rude remarks and his mean demeanor. Sure, at one point my heart beat for the brunette with an infectious smile and shiny green eyes, but now it was a memory of the past. Another pretty face who had thrown away all of his charm and care and exchanged with unwavering cruelty.

“Oh, no. Sarah, I don’t think about him that way.” I tried to wave her off, trying to sound the least amount disgusted by her assumption. I couldn’t help but wonder why she thought that.

“I don’t believe you.” She sounded smug, crossing her hands on my thigh and giggling. “You don’t have to. I believe myself.” Brushing her off, I take another bite of any remaining scraps on my plate. Trying to avoid conversation.

“Come on, you seriously don’t see it?” She sounded exasperated now, even more so when I nodded carelessly. She was getting tired of my avoidance to the conversation, my disinterest in her false discovery. Still, the longer she pushed, the more I felt the heat rush to my face. The more my cheeks burned and my skin tingled.

“I’m serious, Sarah. I don’t look at him in anyway. He’s just my roommate. Nothing more, nothing less.” I lean back, volume brought down to a mere whisper with the dying laugher at the other end of the table.

“Well, he’s your friend at least, right?” The lump in my throat was unswallowable. With the growing tightness in my throat and the clamminess of my palms. I wanted nothing more than to slip away and pretend this never happened. So, I bite my tongue and nod, eyes flickering to Sarah while I do so. I pray that she doesn’t see the tears welling in the corners and how glossy they’ve gotten in such a short period of time.

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.” The lie stings, burning as it comes out. Partially because I hate lying to my dear Sarah, but mainly because at some point it was the truth.

Harry was my everything at one point in my life. He might as well have hung the damn moon and stars. I thought the world of him, wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around mine all the damn time. And it killed me that we’d gotten so far away from that idea that I had to lie about even being acquainted with him.

“Word of advice.” She started, eyeing Harry carefully. My eyes remained glued to the table, fork wobbling between my pointer finger and my thumb. “Best friends don’t look at each other that way.” And when she finished what she wanted to say, I swear my heart just about stopped. All color draining from my face and my eyes rapidly blinking away the tears by now.

Setting my fork down, I ignore her playful smile and the nudge of her shoulder into mine. I look for another face to converse with, to make me begin to forget everything I was trying so desperately to escape. When I search the table, it seems like each person has found themselves in deep conversation with the other. All but one.

And his green eyes capture mine in a way I haven’t known in so long. I’d forgotten what it was like to be the center of his gaze. How thrilling it was. With my eyes, glossed over and heart beating through my chest, it seemed impossible for me to ever consider looking away. His chocolate brown curls and sweet pink lips in a gentle smile. It was consuming and alluring. Irresistible even.

A face that once disgusted me, shattered my heart, angered me and knocked me down with no air left to breathe seemed not all that frightening anymore. And the warmth that spread in my chest scared me more than anything.

I begin to realize, maybe Sarah was right. Maybe that was why I hated him so much. I didn’t hate Harry Styles. And thats why it hurt just that much more. I didn’t hate him at all, in fact. No, rather my poor heart couldn’t handle the heartbreak and deflected in the most malicious way possible. I missed my best friend.

“Y/n.” Sarahs voice pulls me from my haze, and my eyes are flickering over to hers quickly. Lips still parted and eyes still wide.

“You’re crying.” I hadn’t felt the salty heat dripping down my cheeks until she announced it. My skin too numb from embarrassment to even understand what was happening.

My tongue is tied, and my throat is killing me. I feel like I might vomit if I stay here any longer. I can’t be here any longer, I can’t do it. Not when I’ve just realized what I did. I feel what I felt all those months ago when Harry told me to stop crying. When he shut me out for good and became bitter. I feel all air leave my lungs and my knees wobbling. I am going to collapse.

“I just need air.” I say all too loudly, pushing out the chair clumsily and stepping back. The loud scratch of the wooden legs of the wooden floors turns heads and my heavy breathing tells me to get the hell out.

I pardon myself after that, waving off any concern from Sarah, and making sure nobody else saw my escape. Everyone’s still deep into conversation when I turn the corner. All but Sarah and Harry. But neither of them make a move to reach me. I let myself collapse on my bed, mascara running down my white sheets and back aching from how stiff I became at that table. I silently pray that I’ll sleep through the rest of winter.

When the dinner got cold and we’d all run out of things to say, we all look around and silently agree to part ways. It was nice to have some company, I enjoyed being around these people so much. My heart should have been full, yet it felt heavy and empty all at the same time. Littered with a guilt I wasn’t even sure was mine.

I’d seen the way she looked at me. Really looked at me. Glossed over eyes and a quivering lip. She was red with the rush of adrenaline in her blood. Anyone could see how quickly she began to breathe. It was like she was stuck, consumed by something so strong that it left her powerless, weak, crumbling quickly under an undetermined pressure. She started to cry, biting back a sob by biting harshly into her bottom lip, eyes shaking while she searched my face. I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. Who had said what, and how I could help her.

I wanted to yell at whoever hurt her this bad. And the feeling of that in itself was unsettling. How my heart still longed to comfort, protect the heart of the girl who once shattered my own with her own words. More than that, I wanted to scream when nobody followed her when she ran. How nobody cared nearly enough about why she was so upset.

I couldn’t understand why I was so invested in her. Someone I was sworn to hate. Someone I had teased and fought for months and let hurt me constantly in retaliation.

But then again, we were no better than one another. We never were. Always saying too little and not opening up quite enough. Creating issues instead of solving problems. We were explosive, nobody could hurt me quite like she could and yet, I felt horrible that she was so upset.

Like the day I’d found her pacing restlessly across the floor. Skin blotchy and eyes puffy with tears. Throat sore with the violent sobs ripping through them. I’d wanted to hold her then too, but I was too bitter to do anything but tell her to quiet down. I felt the same guilt in my bones. And I make the same mistakes I made the first time. I watch her break down and sit with the uneasiness of it all.

Mitch lays a hand over my shoulder, his other arm wrapped around Sarah as he leads her through the door. His eyes look sad and tired. But his smile is genuine and filled with concern.

“Check on Y/n for us okay? Sarah thought it would be best to leave her be for now.” His hand left my shoulder and the door shut quickly after. Leaving me with the unbearable silence and loneliness I felt so frequently nowadays. It breaks down my walls and scares the shit out of me.

Maybe thats why I make my way to the kitchen, shuffling slowly along the floors and leaning slowly over the makeshift tables. A bottle of rouge in one hand, a pack of cigarettes in the other. I stuff them in my pocket and hold the bottle close to my side.

I’m slow, delaying the inevitable question. When I knock on the door, it’s quiet. Almost like I’m hoping that if it’s soft enough, she won’t hear and I can pretend she was ignoring me. But, she does hear me, and she calls out a raspy, muffled welcome, signaling for whoever was hidden behind the door to come through and take in her puffy eyes and wet cheeks.

My throat tightens when I smell her perfume. Something that I would have drowned in not so long ago. She has clothes thrown on a chair in the corner, the same one I sat in so many months ago. I’m tempted to push them off and just sit in the silence with her like we once enjoyed doing.

Her head is in her pillow and her arms are underneath her. She is unaware of who she has let in, but her silence and unmoving body tells me she’s lost all ability to care. I want to leave. I want to turn around and convince myself it was all a mistake. I’d checked on her and she was still alive and well. I’d done my part and I could go on guilt free and forget about how crushed she’d looked just hours before.

When I begin to turn on my heels and pray for this day to be over, I see something unforgettable. A small Polaroid from last year. Just weeks after she’d moved in and charmed me with her beauty and whit. She’s sat with her legs over my lap and my arms around her body. We couldn’t be any happier, and the memory makes my chest sting.

She still cared enough to keep up the old memories of us, even after all the fights and mean glares. Why did she have to keep the damn photo up?

Guilt consumes me once again, and I am faced with the sad woman in front of me, still in the same place as before and just as sad as before. My feet betray my mind, and soon I am stood beside her bedside table with a bottle of wine dangling between my pointer finger and my middle finger.

The glass knocks against her shoulder in a silent invitation. My eyes wordlessly asking her to follow. Her eyes are red, and her lips still shake. She looks completely torn apart, desperate and distraught. Disheveled even. But for some reason in my blurry head, all I can think about is how absolutely beautiful she is in the pale moonlight.

“Come on.” I ask her softly, offering her my hand. When she takes it, she’s nodding already. Trusting a man who deserves no second chances, no trust whatsoever for his cruelty and his inability to communicate. But she follows regardless.

I can’t help but realize how having her so close feels good.

He lights the cigarette for me and watches as I let it burn. My lips twitch as they wrap around the end, tasting the bitterness of its contents and the dry paper.

“How did we end up here?” I ask him, looking over the horizon. The waves are calming over here. They almost silence the ringing in my ears, despite the distance between where we sit, feet dangling over the empty pool edge and the large grass behind it.

He shrugs, snagging the cigarette from my hand delicately and taking a long drag from its end. We swap, my hands wrap around the neck of the wine bottle. It’s tinted green and nearly full.

“Unlucky people, I guess.” He looks at his feet. They dangle in the pool beside mine. You can see just how close we are in the turquoise tint. How the lights make us look less vibrant.

“I wouldn’t consider us unlucky.” I look at the sky, and I can feel his eyes on my face. It makes me swallow, how intense his gaze is. It almost makes it feel that much more real.

“Why’s that?” He asks, twisting the bud out on the cement. It stains the freshly cleaned grey stone an ashy black, but I bite my tongue.

“We had each other. Maybe we aren’t the best people, maybe we’re cruel, but I’d rather argue than live in solitude, right? Company can’t be bought. Even the most painful of it. That’s something real. Something without a price. And we’ve got it.” And it’s true. We fight and we throw shit. We stain the walls and rip the curtains. We start fires and try to blame the other. We make a mess and make amends. But a house isn’t a home without someone to share it with. And at least if we had to suffer to get there, we got it.

“Thats some of your poet shit.” He laughs sadly into the silence, looking at his feet. I laugh along, though I can tell he was only half joking. Then, I let the silence wash back over us. Forgetting how we almost had a full conversation.

“I’m not a bad person. I don’t know why I’m so mean.” He says sincerely. It’s sudden too. I can tell from the rawness in his voice. How his eyes tear up and his lips quiver. His voice cracks. Our feet hang off the edge of the backyard. It’s a quiet life. Even now. With our fights and all the fraud. But it’s never a lonely life, and we only have each other to thank for it.

I want to tell him I know, and I’m so sure of it. I’ve seen the real him, we might just not mesh together. But we once had, and that fact alone holds me back. He takes the lack of response and an opportunity to excuse himself. Pulling his body up by the arms and grunting through the sliding back door. I sit alone in the backyard for hours, body curling up into itself and layers of clothing becoming less than enough after some more time.

“I know.” I whisper into the silence. I know he’s not a bad person, I know it so well and I am so certain of it. I knew Harry once. He’s loyal and kind and the smartest man I’d ever met. And I miss knowing him like that so much.

I thought for a second tonight, I’d gotten part of him back. And maybe I had, but he left so soon I couldn’t really tell all that well. He’s left me back in the silence, wondering what happened to us, and what will happen to us. Why he came to get me, and why he even bothered to open up to me. But he never gives me the time to properly ask, even if I planned to.

I ring in the New Year alone.

The next morning he’s gone. Back to New York for his business in the big city and I am left to sit and think about what was said. A half empty bottle of wine stained with my red lipstick and glitter on the floor from old party poppers Charlotte and Elin had made sure to use before making their exit. I repeat his words.

He’s not a bad person, so why is he so mean? It’s best left unknown. Because if theres one thing I fear more than anything, it’s the realization of rejection.

Even from a man I hate so entirely, it consumes me. That I could not stand to be faced with the fact that Harry and I do not get along simply because we do not work and not because of some other underlying reason.

After all, we had it all. Gave each other everything the other had wanted. Food, shelter, company. There was really so explanation for the bitterness between us.

After all, all this time, despite his anger and hatred, he never left me to the wolves. And despite my heartbreak and sadness, I never left him with an empty home.

A wise man once said to never bite the hand that feeds it. Yet, here we are. Ripping skin from bone until we are left with nothing. We are the ungrateful, the selfish, the cruel. And we both believe that we are in the right.

I am so scared of rejection from this man who I claim to hate because he is the hand that feeds me and I am the hand to him.

We aren’t bad people, so why are we so mean? We recognize all we have to be grateful for, so why do we bite the hand that feeds us?

I guess the vulnerability of it all must have scared us. And while facing the storm, we did what all people do. We let fear consume us and we bite.

Somehow, through all of this. The realizations and the tears and wine and dusty ashes, I love him. Even with my teeth sinking into his skin and his own in mine, drawing blood, I love him. I love Harry Styles. He is my best friend and I am his. That is why I am scared and that is why it hurts so bad. Not because I simply missed him, but rather because my heart was devoted to a man who did not want it.

My fingers fumble over the pad on the phone. I type up his phone number by heart and let it ring. He answers quickly, still waiting for his plane at the airport.

“Y/n?” I can hear the bustling crowds around him and the loud engines taking off from other terminals. I imagine he is plugging one of his ears and mentally cursing the noise for making it so hard to hear.

“Come home.” My breathing is unstable, and my hands run through my hair so much I create new tangles by my neck.

“What? No, Y/n, I have to go. People are expecting me.” He starts to explain how important this is for his business. How it would be so much simpler to be there rather than over a computer screen.

“Fuck them, who cares! Harry, I need you, and I want you, please just listen to me for once. Don’t scoff, or…or roll your eyes or leave! Listen to me this once and if it’s not worth it to you, I promise you’ll never have to listen to me again. Please, it’s important.” I ramble all in one breath, endless pleas met with silence. I can feel the rejection coming, I can hear the way he chokes on a breath, debating what I said.

“Okay.” The phone goes dead with his promise to come home. With the continuous beeps, I slowly come to terms with what I’d just done. But I do not feel panicked, or scared. I feel lighter with the fact that I am about to tell the moody boy something I wished I told him a long time ago.

The door opens with a creak, keys jingling in his large palms. I’d spent the morning pacing the kitchen. Leaving a trail of confetti behind in my wake. I hadn’t cared enough to clean with my endless thoughts and extreme amounts of adrenaline.

“Y/n?” His voice was unsure when it rang out. As if he didn’t know what to expect. The door shut behind him not long before I came rushing around the corner, fingernails bitten to the skin and hangnails bleeding profusely.

“God, Y/n what the hell…” Taking my hands into his, he examined the redness of my irritated skin stained further with dry blood.

“I know.” I looked at him, and he looked back at me like I was crazy.

“What?” His thumbs bent over the backs of my palms, holding me in front of him.

“I know.” I breathed out again, looking at him with such sincerity, praying for him to understand. “You’re not a bad person, and I know it because I know you. Because we fight and we tease and we scream and cry. But I know you because once we didn’t do all of that. And I needed you to know that because it wasn’t fair of me to make you believe that to be true after everything you’ve done for me.” My voice shook with how vulnerable I felt myself becoming. Harry’s hands only tightened the further I explained.

“But what about all I’ve done to you. Y/n, I’ve been awful to you and I never even told you why.” He tried to argue. I shook my head, biting my lips.

“I haven’t been much better.” I smiled sadly. He shook his head back.

“No.”

“Yes.” I blinked hard, pushing back the tears that formed watching his own gather by his waterline.

“No, Y/n, I’ve been horrible. I’ve been mean.” He tried to push away everything I was trying to ignore.

“And so have I.” I tried harder to make him understand.

“But you only did it because I had. And for what?” He finally spoke, voice raised with so much desperation behind it, I froze under his touch.

“Because I loved you so much it drove me fucking insane? Because I still love you and I’m afraid if I can’t get you to hate me I’ll never be able to stop.” He was crying now, pleading with me to make me see his side of things. All I could do was shake my head.

“Harry I could never hate you.”

“But you could never love me.” He argued.

“Thats not true, Harry tell me you know that it couldn’t be true.” I rip my hands from his grip to rest them on his cheeks. I try to wipe away his tears, but his hands cover my wrists and pull them back down.

“How could I? You said it yourself. All those months ago, I told you. I held you close and I told you I loved you. You told me I was your best friend. You couldn’t even pretend!” Neither of us could tell if he was angry or just sad. Maybe both, but no amount of denial would calm him down.

“I didn’t have to, I still don’t have to pretend! Harry, I only said that because I was so fucking scared. Scared of us, of me, of you. Of losing you if it didn’t work. And I lost you anyways, I would’ve just said it if I knew I’d lose you like this.” Our chests bumped and his fingers slipped between mine.

“Y/n.” He whispered into the silence, over our heavy breathing and salty tears.

“I love you, and I miss you.” He didn’t say anything. I could feel him slipping away as soon as his response never came. Not a single word left to say between us. Not a single amount of energy left to fight.

And then he was kissing me. Hard and sweet. Like I was everything he’d ever wanted and more. Like he was hungry, needing more and more of something he had always wanted but could never have. And at the same time, it was soft and tender. Like he never wanted it to end. My back arched within the grip of his wandering hands and my fingers tangling in his curls. I swore I would never let him go.

But it was a swear I couldn’t keep, because air dwindled quickly and spit strung between our lips. Something I would usually gag at, but didn’t mind at the moment. His forehead against mine and arms gripping the fabric by my hips so tight if I moved he could have ripped it.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized in between his heaving breaths.

“Me too.” Looking at him, I could see the red staining his lips from the makeup I’d slept in. It made me laugh, which in result made him smile.

“What? What!” He laughed along cluelessly, letting me back away for a moment.

“You have something-“ I pointed again his mouth and smiled.

“Oh do I? Do I?” He kissed my cheek, smearing the remnants of our kiss across my cheek. “Still there?” He asked with a sly grin. Like he knew he was winning.

So I kissed him hard again, smearing red around his skin and his pink lips with so much love, there was no denying my feelings anymore. There was no hate left to give.

“Yeah, you do.” It was yet another fight, but not one I minded.

After all, thats what we did for so long, it was what we were good at. The teasing and the fighting. Only now it wasn’t bitter, it was playful. And we didn’t coexist with the sole purpose of it.

Because now I was his and he was mine. And this knowledge answered all my questions, all my doubts I’d had before about our relationship and our shared insecurities that led us down this scaring path.

Harry was my best friend, and I was his. And there was no love greater than that.

[porcupine-girl]

I had the weirdest possible Check Please dream.

Ngozi was going to do another volume, and we were all excited because Shippy and Taylor were finally going to get together.

Who tf are Shippy and Taylor you might ask?

Shippy, I immediately realized upon waking up, is Tater, but in this dream world somehow he got a different nickname and I don’t even know how. Idk if my brain was just like “he’s part of this popular ship and I’m lazy” or “Tater and Taylor would sound too cutesy and I really want this girl to be named Taylor for some reason” or what.

Taylor was not Vanessa with a different name. She had spiky lavender hair that looked a bit like this animal crossing hairdo:

But longer, like if it were lying flat it’d be about chin length, and of course in Ngozi’s drawing style.

I didn’t find out much more bc I woke up due to my husband getting up to get ready for work, but somehow when I got back to sleep, for once my brain deigned to continue my dream from before. It is apparently very invested in Shippy/Taylor (although after I woke up and realized Shippy was Tater my brain went back and forth between the two names).

So in the continuation, I learned that Taylor was already dating another member of the Falconers (I’m not sure I ever got his name), but he was very controlling and emotionally abusive and everyone on the team was hoping she’d leave him and kind of shunning the boyfriend socially due to his behavior.

Tater ran into her in like… a mall food court sort of location? And somehow their conversation led to him confessing his feelings but saying that it was fine if she didn’t want to be with him, just begging her to leave the controlling guy and saying he’d help her however he could just as her friend. She was clearly not quite ready to leave yet, but then her boyfriend called and when she said oh I’m at the mall and I ran into Tater so we were just hanging out he got really pissed that she was hanging out with another guy (in a totally public location, and being honest about it) without him and demanded she come home right away. And when she hung up you could see that having that conversation right after the conversation with Tater was kind of making her realize that she really did need to get out of it.

Tater saw that too and jumped on it, like “If you don’t want me to help I’ll call Jack and Bitty (which my brain then corrected to Zimmboni and Little B, it was like my brain was like helloooo this is Tater unlike you Ngozi would write him correctly) right now and they will come help you get your stuff, you can stay in their guest room, they would love to help.” And she was kind of mortified by this, like oh god does the entire team know??? And he was like, well. Yeah. Kinda. Everyone’s rooting for you to leave him, that’s why nobody talks to him or hangs out with him outside practice, we all know how awful he is. And she was like oh god, great, everyone knows how stupid I am for staying with a guy like him, but Tater was like no no no everyone knows how hard it is to leave that kind of thing but we all know you’re strong enough to do it as soon as you decide you’re ready.

And that was about as far as I got in the Shippy/Taylor saga before I woke up for good. I can only assume Jack and Bitty did come get her and let her stay with them, and eventually once she was over the nasty breakup she got together with Tater.

What’s really funny was that when I went to start writing this post I couldn’t remember her name, only that it started with a T and was like 6-ish letters long. I started the post calling her Tricia and was like no that’s not right, so I googled girl names that start with T and was just hoping that if I read enough lists of names something would click and maybe I’d recognize it if I saw it. Then I opened the first list and the very first name was Taylor and I was like OH RIGHT MY BRAIN NAMED HER AFTER TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT HOW DID I FORGET THAT??

[activesplooger]

Progress Update on some WIPS! + teasers! :) | Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT | Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader | His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox

a few days ago i posted a screenshot of some WIPS, and i thought I’d give a progress update! + teasers! i promise im working on everything guys i just want everything to be quality :) ive also been quite busy so, yeah!

Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT 1/2 DONE

About halfway done! Maybe a lil less than halfway? So far I’ve gotten a lot of the exposition out of the way and im starting to get onto the dirty little smutty part ;) its taking awhile bc ive been busy ALSOO smut is hard asf to write and writing deer themed smut is even harder! lmao guys the amount of deer mating season research ive done is crazy im definitely on some type of watch list now bc of my weird search history lol. I’ve gotten a lot done though! Should be out soon, I’ll let you guys know when itll be out when I get more of it done! A teaser is on my page if u wanna see it!

Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader

i dont rlly have an exact fraction amount for how much is done lol. i promise i didnt forget about it guys 🙏 i have the whole story pretty much planned out! all the scenes and stuff i want to include (+ the ending duh) are all written down! perchance ill do a bigger teaser tmrw idk sometime this wknd maybeee. I have all the scenes planned out and ik how the whole story is gonna go i just have to articulate it into words and spice it up! :) stay tuned!!

teaser!:

“The Vee's empire grew exponentially and are now the three top overlords in hell. You still worked for Vox, however, your job description changed over the next few years. A lot changed over the next few years…. You went from being introduced as “This is Y/N, my friend and assistant!” to “This is an employee of mine, she won’t be a bother.”.”

this whole paragraph is subject to change, i wouldve done a bigger teaser but im just so unsure about the other paragraphs i might literally delete it all and redo them and i dont wanna edge u guys like that lol.

His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox

OK THIS ONES SO RANDOM BUT LEMME COOK LMAO. this one has SO MUCH BUT ITS NOT EVEN CLOSE LOL. its gonna be like pretty smutty i think like toxic sweater electrocute my fukin pussy type smut. its gonna be a big one bc im trying not to make it into different parts but that might change. its gonna be a fat minute till it comes out im just chipping away at it every once in awhile 4 fun! :))

teaser!:

“Yes, dear,” Vox gestures to Papermint standing idly in a corner, “This one over here will also be my assistant. You’ll handle the more personal needs of mine while Papermint handles more business related needs.”

“I see…”

Vox, completely entranced by you, puts your resume down and extends a hand out to you across the desk, “Well, that’s all I really need! Congratulations! You got the job!”. Winning sound effects could be heard from Vox’s speakers as he congratulates you.

“Oh! I-Is that it..? No questions..?”

“Nope, I’ve seen enough- Actually, what size are you?”

“Uh… Why?”

“For your uniform, of course!”

(this is also subject to change btw! im slowly doing it its just kind of a fun lil random thing i like to do when i need a break or just feel like it)

—

stay tuned folks! if u wanna be tagged for any of these lmk in the replies!

[lotus-pear]

bitch idk if my question saved or not bc my WiFi killed itself for a second so 🧍‍♀️

So I hope you like this introduction, I made it three days ago as I prepared to talk about the history of forks with you, but changed my mind on it.

Instead, I’m here to appreciate your art, the motorcycle looked JUST FINE no need to be dramatic. I kinda love how awkwardly long Dazai’s leg is, Chuuya can finally make fun of him back on that 🥹

Furthermore, of utmost priority is my formal petition to have Chuuya smile beside his stupid boyfriend partner because he deals with him sm, let it not all be bad 🙏

(You’re not gonna do it, huh. This is my last time asking I think… 😔)

Anyway, in order to not bore you, here’s my highlight of the day! I’m doing scrapbooking on envelopes I’m giving to my friend that I’m seeing on Saturday (five year online friendship gets an updated Special Episode in Germany, who knew) and wanted to make it nice. I’m finally giving them in person!!

They’re going pretty slowly (I need to do two more, both bigger envelopes), but I think they’re nice. The one at the top is meant to be corny while the second is classic looking. The cards inside are different so, yeah.

So yeah, online friendships are super fun and I can confirm it’s exciting to meet em (third person I do this with but this time it’s a FIVE YEAR build up like fair to be a different experience).

Hope everything is super fun with you too Lotus!

Can’t wait to see what else you throw at us 🪷💌

THE INTRO POST WITH MORI IM CRYING LMFAO😭😭😭 actually discussing the history of silverware would be quite interesting, specifically forks. that’s just me tho.

ANYWAY maybe i’ll draw chuuya smiling one of these days it’s kinda hard to visualize since he never does it but i’m sure one of these days he’ll have a genuine smile (not in the manga anytime soon)

THOSE ENVELOPES LOOK SO CUTE WAAAHHH you’re friends are very lucky they got such a crafty and talented person like you, here’s to hoping the reunion goes rly well!!🤩 online friends are so sweet you’re lucky that you get to meet them i’d KILL to meet my online friends :((

anyway you better be taking care of yourself and staying on top of work. hope that’s not too stressful and you have the chance to take some breaks every now and then. i’m rooting for you ‼️‼️‼️

[chaotic-orphan]

Found fictional story/novel

So... I have found a fictional novel that I wrote over the last ten years that I had completely forgotten about, and then, once I found it again, I realised there is so much of it - like 90,000 words much of it - and it is a lot to comb through and I kind of shut down mentally when I found it but I am working more now on updates for the WIPS I have on Tumblr!

So you can Expect updates soon in:

Delirious Villain x hero caretaker,

Heroic betrayal,

Intoxicating fear (updates every Saturday) (from now) :)

Vendetta,

and, A Benignant Mischief

which are all started in the drafts!

Updates continued under cut

(*not necessary* to read as it is mostly rambles and ranting about the novel I found (and others), but I want to share some fun revelations I found while skimming it)

There are some whumpy scenes from the novel that I may post as I find them, cause some of them are very whumpy, and I enjoyed reading them~

The plot has a lot of male characters which is both interesting and annoying— interesting because I love the two brothers dynamic, even not even blood related, like two brothers joined together by fate, blood, prophecy etc. Annoying because it’s obvious that I looked at the media I was surrounded with and was like “nobody wants to read about women, if they did, there would be more women centric things” so I’ll write about boys!

Point 2 Contd. (Rant!) Obviously discounting the genre of YA dystopian fiction which was great, and populated by mainly female protagonists, and which I enjoyed, but then, were shit on by the mainstream media because GIRLS CAN’T FIGHT? Girls can’t be the main driving force of a novel? Girls suck, boo girls, unless they’re tom boys or men. Ahem, thank you for your input on teenage girl’s book choices FORTY YEAR OLD WHITE MEN :D WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT YOU

Part 2+3 contd. (the brightside!) However, the good thing about this is that I can populate the rest of the novel with strong female characters! There are a few dotted through who i dote on a bit, I love them, like come here my little beautiful minority <3

The plot centers around two brothers who get torn apart when outlaw's raid in their coastal village - actually, my newest Medieval WIP was inspired by the novel!! Same setting/vibe (as in the coastal village) so very fun

This to say that actually I think the new Medieval WIP is my brain trying to flesh the world out more and see what the average people would do in the world… but it’s a story in its own right too!

There are magic, gods, good gods and bad gods ofc, ancients, bloodlines, descendants, royalty, soldiers, outlaws, magic schools, political intrigue - like it is a mix of everything I have loved over the years which is so funny to see because clearly I haven't changed...

The dialogue?!?!? I don't think I have written like that ever, but the dialogue is so much better than the dialogue I write today and idk why? Maybe because I wrote it off a sudden throng of inspiration or something? But, fuck, how do I write like that again? I mean, without editing, because the amount of editing I had to do to make the novel READABLE wasn't funny, it took so long... it's finished now though, just the editing, NOTHING else - give me strength, I need it

Also, realised that I hate editing - is it something new? Not really, but holy moly... editing sucks, but it also?? Improves the story and fluidity so much, I should start editing my pieces before I publish and come off as far more eloquent than I do

Planning... is also so difficult - 90% of the novel is like this:

Scene X: completed Me: ah, good, that scene is written, I can move on to the next one Me, still staring at Scene X: ...move on now My brain: but what if it happened like this? PROVIDES SEVEN DIFFERENT ALTERNATE ENDINGS TO THE SCENE THAT WEREN'T NECESSARY AND NOW I HAVE TO CUT SO MUCH CRAP BUT MY BRAIN'S STILL LIKE - BUT WHAT IF?

My brain's literally like the writer's brain from Hush, such a good movie... ANYWAYS!!!!

That's the end of all my ramblings for today, was this post necessary? No, but like, I clearly wanted to get it off my chest and vent so we live, laugh, love... I hope all your days are going well :3

~ Orphan,

(P.S. - I'm toying with the idea of dropping my nickname in the bio, or doing a whole overhaul of the blog - the name, the layout... get rid of orphan, or maybe just become "nickname_the orphan", or something. But, see orphans are just so whumpy though I love a good orphan story... thoughts, ideas, waste management? I'm just dunking all my overflow of thoughts on this update today, but sure, look, be grand — I’m truly sorry if you read this far, I am having an ✨episode✨)