#maybe I should leave social media and focus on other stuff

[atalienart]

And I guess tumblr doesn't give a shit about making this app functional. I still can't download images to my phone after that stupid update (I regret updating this mess, I so regret it!). I searched for tumblr in the app store and lol it says the app won't work on my phone (who would've thought) so now my phone is the problem. And other people have the same error while attempting to download images.

Everything is less and less functional. Google is a huge trash can where you can't find anything except for absolutely useless Al articles and pictures, search options don't work either. Instagram at this point is just a sponsored stream of consciousness, twitter is bots, any art site is Al poop.

Some time ago I saw people were trying to satiate the algorithm monster, now they start to give up, post less because who even looks at their work when it's all hidden under a pile of rubbish. I see less interactions because everyone is tired of everything and it's sad to look at all this.

[lyneira]

♡ sending you relationship reels on instagram ♡

Headcanons of how some of the JJK guys would send you relationship reels/photos on Instagram

feat. Gojo, Nanami, Choso, Megumi, Yuji, Toge, Yuta

some suggestive reels (in Gojo's)

GOJO

He's the type to send 20+ reels a day

They would vary between memes, crack, and naughty reels

If you're lucky, he'll send a cute reel occasionally

Also, a lot of "this is us" kind of reels

It could be two cute characters being silly together, and he'll write, "Us ❤️"

...And on the other hand, he'll be like, "Look, I didn't realize they caught us on camera," and it's just two animals mating 💀

I can imagine he'll send you stuff that he wants YOU to send to him and would tell you to do so

"Here's one you should send to me," or, "Instagram should put this on your page, not mine 🙄" and he'll send you this link or link plus 10 more whether you've already sent him reels or not

Reels: link link link link link link link link link link

⚠️ Suggestive reels: link link link "this was literally you", after sending you that last one

CHOSO

Didn't know anything about these until you showed him one

Watching you fawn over these cute characters and heartmelting things had HIS OWN heart melting.

From then on, he had installed instagram and have been sending quite a lot to you

Approximately 10-15 a day

They'd be the sweetest and cutest. No matter how cheesy they seem, he'll send anything that expressed how much love he felt for you and more

Reels: link link link link link link link link link link

NANAMI

Would rarely be seen on social media tbh, if at all

But after you had shown him one of these reels with that precious, delighted look on your face, he would make an exception. He wanted to replicate that expression more often.

He'd probably send you reels whenever he saw that you're feeling low, knowing how much these silly things lifted your spirits, of course.

He'd especially send some when he's been away at work, and you two haven't seen each other for a while. That sad look on your face whenever you knew that he would be away for quite some time always killed him, so there was no way he was going to leave you like that the whole time he was gone.

He'd send a few a day, particularly reels from creators he knows you adore.

The type of reels he'd send would be encouraging and would focus around home.

After all, you are his home that he couldn't wait to come back to

Reels: link link link link link link link

YUJI

Is definitely the type to be on social media more often, so he would likely send 15+ a day

They'd usually be a mixture of silly, sweet, and encouraging

Would typically send them in the morning in hopes of starting your day with a good mood

Also will send a few regular memes here and there to make you laugh

Every now and then, you two might have a competition on who can send the most in a day

Reels: link link link link link link link link

MEGUMI

Like Nanami, he wouldn't be on social media a lot.

I think he'd send you some back typically after you've sent some already. Not because he doesn't care, but because again, he's not on social media much unless he sees a notification from you.

Would send 2-3 reels a day

He's not really into reels with the cutesy characters or cheesy lines. He finds them to be a bit cringe

So the type of reels he'd send would usually be more deep. They're the type with a huge block of text, expressing how he also feels about you.

After months of sending reels to each other, maaaaaybe you'll find a cutesy reel from him once in a blue moon. Just maybe.

Reels: link link link link link link

TOGE

Would send ~6-8 reels a day

They'd usually be pics or videos of animals with the caption "Us" (but unlike Gojo's, these animals are simply being adorable)

Would send you more cute compilation videos of animals on YouTube than Instagram tbh (since watching vids on YouTube is literally his hobby)

But I think that he'd use Instagram to send more memes instead

Reels: link link link link link link link link link link

YUTA

Would probably send 3-4 a day

The type of reels he'd send would be a mixture of Megumi's and Inumaki's, in which he'd send some with blocks of text but also some with animals.

I'd imagine he would have been a bit nervous sending you some initially. He'd probably overthink, 'Would this be okay to send? I hope it doesn't seem too overbearing or cringey'

But when he sees how much you love them, his heart becomes filled with joy and he no longer hesitates to send you reels

Reels: link link link link link link link link (this last one especially)

a/n: first time writing hcs for jjk! I send reels all the time to my s/o and was inspired by that :>

© 2023 lyneira. PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PLAGIARIZE, OR REPOST MY WRITING ONTO OTHER PLATFORMS

[come-see-our-show]

I saw an early screening of the Mean Girls movie last night, so here is a summary of my thoughts, comparing the movie musical to the Broadway musical, which I was lucky enough to see live in 2018!

Changed that I liked:

The usage of social media in the Broadway show made it very clear that it was written by adults who didn’t know much about Gen-Z. It was probably one of the worst parts of the show in my opinion. But Tina Fey must have done her research since 2018, because the way the movie uses TikTok, memes, vlogging, and FaceTime to push the story forward worked VERY well. I think there were some influencer cameos, but it didn’t feel they were included to show how “young and hip” they were, It actually added authenticity.

The diversity within the cast and changing last names to reflect the characters’ backgrounds (Karen Smith ➡️ Karen Shetty, Janis Sarkisian ➡️ Janis 'Imi'ike)

Cutting down “Meet the Plastics.” It’s a very exposition-heavy song and doesn’t need to be super long, even though the full version is quite catchy and fun.

All of the new jokes landed so well, probably because Tina Fey’s writing style is better suited for the screen as opposed to the stage.

This is more of a comparison of the musical vs. the original film, but a big change was The Plastics’ weaponized wokeness (which I talk about here).

The production design for most of the songs was very different. The stage musical has a lot of rock songs, which were changed to a pop sound for the movie. I personally prefer rock musicals, but it was a good way to give the movie a separate identity from its predecessor so it doesn’t risk becoming a carbon copy. It worked on some songs (“Someone Gets Hurt” and “World Burn”) but not on others (“A Cautionary Tale” and “Revenge Party”).

Cutting the joke about Regina’s ass being big. It was a very low-brow joke, which I’m not a fan of, and was just really immature. Thank God that was changed to her falling, which still shows her being embarrassed without her body being the joke.

Explicitly making Janis a lesbian! (It’s only implied in the stage show with “It’s not even true… I only have one butt”) And she goes to prom with a girl while Damien dances with a boy! ALSO THERE’S REJANIS LORE AND IT’S SO HEARTBREAKING I LOVE IT

megan thee stallion just… being there

Miss Norbury and Principal Duvall being a couple and owning a dog together!!!

As a low mezzo, I appreciated whoever decided to lower the key for “I’d Rather Be Me.” I felt very represented 🩷

Having Cady be raised in a single-parent household so it focuses in more on her relationship with her mom. Jenna Fischer was so motherly and sincere and brought a warmth to the movie. Their scene together near the end made me emotional (you’re never too old to ask your parent to stay with you until you fall asleep) (also this is my request to make jenna fischer my mom)

Changes that I didn’t like:

Cutting BOTH of Damian’s solos??? (SHE’S LEAVING!!!!!!!! JUST LIKE MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Cutting “More Is Better.” It wasn’t necessarily a memorable song, but it did give both Cady and Aaron more depth, both as separate characters and within their relationship.

While cutting some of the songs helped with pacing, cutting HALF of the score made me forget that it was a musical sometimes, which sucks because I really like musicals!!!

Other stuff:

The movie was marketed horribly. One of my friends didn’t even know it was gonna be a musical because there were no songs in the trailers 💀 (Also, this isn’t just a Mean Girls problem. The Color Purple also didn’t have any songs in the trailer. I didn’t even know Wonka was a musical until I saw it in theaters, so that was a bit of a shock.) If you’re producing a musical movie, maybe your focus groups should be musical fans, because that’s still a HUGE market.

Auliʻi Cravalho’s voice is STUNNING! She and Jaquel Spivey had great chemistry and their friendship felt so genuine!

The opening and ending transitions from the garage were everything to me

The EDITING

Angourie Rice is a great actor and fit Cady perfectly… except for her singing. Out of the entire cast she was easily the weakest in terms of vocals and it was pretty disappointing since she’s the LEAD. I could barely hear her in the new song “What Ifs” because of how quiet and breathy she was. I think it’s a better written song compared to “Roar” though.

Jon Hamm cameo!

Ashley Park cameo!

I cannot stress enough how funny this movie was. I was probably laughing louder than everyone else in the theatre.

I lost my shit during “Meet the Plastics” when Regina unzipped her jacket and Cady was staring at her boobs. She’s just like me fr 🏳️‍🌈

I know that Regina is a horrible person but I couldn’t find it in me to dislike her in the slightest. She just served too much cunt 😩

Christopher Briney is a good actor, but I don't think he was the right choice for Aaron Samuels. I would hate to ridicule anyone for their looks, but it still plays an important part in casting. Aaron is supposed to be a somewhat naive, wholesome, hot jock (and Regina has high standards, so he better be a fucking model). Briney is definitely a cutie, but gives off “smoldering badboy with a secret sensitive side” energy, which isn’t what Aaron should be.

The fantasy sequences (Stupid With Love, Revenge Party, October 3rd). I LOVE when movie musicals USE the medium to tell stories in a way that they can’t on a stage!!!

THE CHOREO!!! Everyone freezing then shaking in “Someone Get Hurt” AHHHH that entire number was HYPNOTIZING!!!!!!!!!!! My friend told me the choreographer’s name is Kyle Hanagami, so shout out to him. (also reneé rapp was so fucking hot while singing that oh my lord)

I will be calling my pimples “face breasts” from now on (avantika ilysm)

DAMIAN’S FRENCH COVER OF THE ICARLY THEME SONG 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

why was there a 0.5 camera shot of cady during revenge party 💀

“I’d Rather Be Me” was so much fun and I felt so fucking empowered. And the transition from the song to the bus was just *chef’s kiss*

“donut worry i am still your freend” 🥺

Lindsay Lohan cameo!!!!!!!!!

NOT ENOUGH RENEÉ RAPP 😭😭

Overall, the movie was not perfect, but the Broadway show already had plenty of flaws, so it’s understandably how that would affect the adaptation. I still a LOT of fun and would definitely see it again. Go stream Snow Angel by Reneé Rapp. i love women 🥰🥰🥰

[heyhihellosworld]

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐈𝐈

Mason Mount x reader + Kepa Arrizabalaga x reader

Word count: 4.5k

Summary: Maybe Kepa isn't the one and maybe feelings can surface, even after fifteen years of friendship

Warnings: Angst, fluff, smut?

Notes: This is a whole mess because I started with so many ideas and landed with cero lol

Grateful for all of you who see and read this! x

When did things become so complicated?

You couldn't say but you knew the exact minute things had changed for the worse, the evening not leaving your thoughts.

The game had just begun again after halftime but it wasn't that interesting, or maybe it was you just couldn't focus with the storm that was raging in your mind. It felt like the storm had been going on for the last month, never calming down and never stopping. It didn't feel like it ever would.

Kepa was between the poles, the only reason you were there watching from the first place. He had done a good game so far and you were proud of him, you really were.

Mason wasn't playing, according to Chelsea he was out with some injury. Not that you would know from him anyway as he hadn't spoken to you since that evening. He had vanished and if you hadn't followed all his teammates and Chelsea on social medias you wouldn't know if he was alive or not. Not that they were providing you with much either way.

Maybe Kepa would tell you if he died but Mason wasn't exactly a topic you spoke about regularly. In all honesty you didn't speak much at all anymore.

You sighed as you felt yourself going into over-thinking mode.

"You-uh what?" you stuttered out, feeling yourself sit down on the floor at the revelation. It was not what you had expected, not at all and it took you with shock.

Mason looked at you intently, watching your every move but he didn't expect you to do or say anything. He just needed to say those words, utter what had been weighing him down for years because it had been too much lately.

He didn't expect you to jump up and say you loved him more than a friend nor did he expect you to kiss him he just needed to let it go once and for all.

You looked up at him with widened eyes making him move his gaze away from you and to the floor.

"Mason" you breathed, feeling a thousand thoughts spinning around your head. "Mason wh-what?"

Mason shook his head, he knew how it was, now he had uttered his thoughts and feelings and now he needed a break. A break to think and stop his feelings from drowning him whole. And that meant a break from you.

"You heard me, I like you. Now it's said so let's forget it and move on"

You had never thought about Mason in any other way than what he was. Mason was Mason, you had never thought about it more than that. He was your childhood friend, your best friend, your comfort and your safety, simply Mason. To label your relationship had never felt necesary which now put you in a hard situation.

You forced yourself to look at the game as the opponents went on pressing again, setting Kepa in action in the Chelsea goal.

Kepa was nice, sweet and hot. There was nothing wrong with him or your relationship, not at all. You loved cuddling with him after his late games, loved eating in the sofa, talking long into the night and the sex was awesome

But

Something had been off. Not with you and not with him but with it all. No matter how many times you had sex or made out he still didn't feel like your boyfriend. He hadn't technically been but he felt more like a friend than anything else. You didn't get butterflies from him like you felt like you should get, he was nice hanging out with and nice to fuck but that was it your feelings didn't go deeper than that.

The last two, three weeks had been a bit different too. Kepa had been off a lot since he had been traveling to Germany and had matches every three days but you felt like it was probably a good thing. Stuff had been rough and it had made you realize that you didn't like the basque in a romantic way.

It had ended quietly and peacefully one late evening at his place after a game at the bridge. Both of you confessing it wasn't working out in a romantic way and that had been it.

You weren't exactly sad it had ended because you had barely dated him but it did leave you even lonelier and even though you had both agreed on staying friends it wasn't like he was with you all the time.

You still couldn't really wrap your head around it, how would you handle this all if Mason some day decided he wanted to be your friend again. How did you act around someone who you knew liked you? Would he ever want to be your friend again or was that too hard now?

You breathed the thoughts away, you didn't even know how Mason was thinking so no need to stress one step ahead.

It felt almost like a bad joke thinking about these past few weeks. Only some weeks away you were over the moon over Kepa at your and Mason's regular movie-night, you had laughed eaten and cuddled up on the couch like always and now. Now you had broken things with Kepa and Mason, but the latter more involuntarily.

You wanted to scream at yourself for the negative thoughts spinning around you head, the thoughts never ending and it made you go crazy.

The game had ended, what a well spent hour and a half, not even looking at the game but being too wrapped in your own head. You cursed yourself as you looked at the scores, 2-1. Chelsea had done one goal but you hadn't paid attention enough to see who had done what.

You sighed, running your fingers through your hair in a stressed manner as the arena started to move. The fans starting to exit whilst the player greeted each other and thanked the fans who had came to watch.

Your heart almost fluttered out of your chest as you saw a familiar head of hair walking onto the pitch. Applauding the fans and shaking hands with some of the opponents. Your eyes followed him like he was a fridge and you had magnets for eyes.

He hadn't played but apparently been sat on the bench. He smiled softly as he went around in the arena, his eyes moving over the stands.

His eyes suddenly met yours, probably feeling stared out which he was. His lips pulled up in a small smile as he watched you before walking out the tunnel and to the changing rooms.

You felt like crying as his hair dissapeared, your heart wanting to run down to catch him before he left but your mind stopped you, knowing it wouldn't be the smart thing to do.

You stood at Kepa's car, waiting for him to emerge from the changing room as you had promised to hang out with him and a couple of his friends after the game. You would usually wait outside of the changing room but since Mason would be there and he had made it pretty obvious that he didn't want to see you right now, that he needed a break you wanted to respect that.

Stood outside you regretted your choice bitterly, it was fucking freezing outside and you were freezing your ass off as you stood there and waited for the basque who took forever.

"If you're styling your hair in there i'm gonna fuck you up" you muttered into the darkness, picturing the Spaniard standing there with his stupid brush, not knowing you stood here dying.

"What did you say?"

You thought you had a heart-attack for a second, yelping out as the dark shadow approached you, squinting to be able to see in the darkness

You took a deep breath "Fucks sake! What the hell" you scolded, hearing the guy chuckle as he came into eyesight.

You felt yourself choke as you saw Mason looking down at you, your bain racking for something to say.

"Uh-a-I-"

He shook his head with a lopsided smile, stopping on a appropriate distance from you.

"Hey" he smiled, your smile mirroring his as you returned the greeting.

"I didn't know you were in the squad tonight" you admitted, watching him shake his head "Don't dwell on it, you should't have to avoid places you love because of me"

You shook your head promptly, "No I don't need to but I want to respect you and your feelings"

His soft eyes smiled down at you, his hands in his pockets as he rolled on his heels.

"Is that why you are standing here in the cold?"

You nodded, pursing your lips as a shiver ran through you from the cold.

"Come on, let's wait in my car" Mason offered, nodding at his car only a few meters away and you more than gladly jumped into the familiar vehicle.

He quickly started the car and turned on every heat button possible as you shook, trying to get yourself warm

"You're really stupid you know?" Your eyebrows raised in mocked hurt "excuse me?" "Standing outside in this weather isn't exactly smart" he grinned, your heart constricting at his beautiful smile.

Mason felt at peace talking to you again. Seeing you on the stands didn't make his heart tug, it made him smile. He had missed you terribly, not being used to not hear and be with you everyday.

"Yeah yeah, slander me for trying to be nice" you huffed, loving the smile you pulled from him yet again.

"What are you even doing here?"

"Waiting for Kepa" you shrugged, immediately noticing the change in the atmosphere as you mentioned his teammates name.

"Right, I forgot" he muttered through clenched teeth, making it clear he had never been as okay with you dating his teammate as he had made out to you in the beginning.

"Mason-" you begun but he shook his head harshly "No no, it's fine"

You sighed, tempted to roll your eyes at the stubborn man beside you but you restrained yourself from it "Me and Kepa, we are not together anymore, well we were never officially together, has Kepa not told you?"

Mason blinked at you, swallowing hard, almost looking embarrassed as he fiddled with his chain "to be honest i may have avoided Kepa lately" he confessed, your eyes not being able to stop from rolling this time. "Why-why are you not?"

You shrugged, meeting his startled gaze. "We gave it a try but neither of us felt romantic feelings towards each other so we decided to just stay friends instead"

Mason nodded in understanding, not being able to hide the relief that washed over his body, his eyes swimming over and shoulders relaxing. "I'm sorry" he forced out

You scoffed before chuckling at him, resting your head against the neck of the seat. "Sure you are Mase"

Mason didn't answer but his grin told you everything you needed to know.

A soft silence settled in the car as he fiddled with the heat buttons before he broke it, his voice soft as he spoke

"Ben is having a get-together on Wednesday, do you want to come?"

Your eyes met his face, his eyes staring down on his hands, hair messy over his eyes. He really needed a haircut soon, his stubble had also grown noticeable since the last night you'd seen him

You nodded, humming softly "Yeah sure, as long as this come from you"

He nodded, meeting your eyes with tenderness "maybe it could be the re-start?" You smiled, feeling like you would explode with happiness "I will be there" you nodded, looking as his face lit up before turning to look out the window, he looked utterly gorgeous in the late light.

"Kepa is here" Mason announced snapping you out of your thoughts, "Text me the details?" you asked as you climber at the car "sure"

"Oh and y/n?"

You turned back to look at him again, a questioning expression on your face "yes?"

"Nice shirt"

You laughed, turning your back to him to show it properly, it was your Mason shirt you had gotten last season with the new design. "I know right"

The grin he gave you in return was etched in your mind for the rest of the evening.

You felt almost nervous as you stood outside of Ben's gigantic house. You pursed your lips before opening the door. Last time you had been here everything had changed but now it didn't feel like it could be any worse than that time.

The night was very similar last time you'd been at Ben's, the boys playing fifa and joking around. The only difference was that this time you weren't hooked on Kepa. You were more a part of the group and specifically you hung out a lot more with Mason.

Mason, sweet Mason sat beside you, murmuring in your ear all the gossip and fun stuff you'd missed out on. He had missed you just as much as you'd missed him and he was giving his all to catch up, make you feel like old times again.

He would never loose feelings for you but he had time to think and now it didn't feel like he wanted to die every time he saw you. It stung, but he didn't wanna die and that was enough because he loved you too much to let you go. Even if all he could ever be was your friend he would take it.

"Did you know Ben hooked up with that girl last week?" Mason hummed, eyes glistening as he gossiped about his friends.

"Hey, stop telling on me" Ben whined from the other side of the couch, giving Mason a bad glare "You did?! Wow this is huge news Ben, finally getting laid huh?"

Ben's eyes rolled "You know what, I haven't missed you at all actually"

"Hey, that's mean Benji" you pouted, trying to keep a straight face at his unimpressed expression but you failed miserably.

Mason was a sweetheart all evening, making sure you had nice company, made sure you got the food you wanted, got you drinks and drove you home when the time had come. It felt like nothing had happened and you knew it took a lot of him but the fact that he did it meant the world to you.

"Thank you Mase, it was really sweet of you" you smiled softly at him, locking eyes with him as he parked outside of your flat. "Don't worry" he smiled, bidding goodbye as you hurried up the stair, your heart fluttering as you catched his smile as you waved him goodbye.

His eyes sparkled as he waved up the stands, he looked genuinely happy and it warmed up your heart, making you feel happy for him. Finally things started to look clearer again, Mason's career looked bright, he got to play regularly and he seemed to be enjoying it for real. The smile never leaving his lips as he went around thanking the fans at Stamford bridge who had cheered them on their first win in what felt like forever.

You caught yourself smiling like an idiot as he waved up at you, your heart stuttering as he looked at you.

The last couple of weeks had been amazing. Mason had kept on his words to restart what had been a little fallout and it felt like nothing had happened. The more days that went the more you liked the British joker. He spent more and more time with you and soon it was regular again, it felt natural and normal, the old habits coming back. Your feelings grew and grew but it felt like they never stopped growing, growing stronger everytime you laid your eyes on him, your heart fluttering and a smile forming on your face. It went beyond frienship and that scared the shit out of you.

-

He looked at you as you fixed with the tv, changing to Netflix and getting cozy on the sofa. When you met his gaze he smiled at you, his lips tugging upwards in an warm loving smile. "What?" you giggled, watching him shake his head and raise his hands "no nothing"

You giggled as he plopped down next to you, his arms immediately wrapping around you and keeping you close, your head resting on his chest.

You tilted your head up to him as you felt him watching you again, his soft eyes almost catching you off guard. It felt like you were drowning in his eyes, swimming in the emotions he displayed so openly.

It felt like magnets were pulling you closer until his nose bumped yours but then insecurities took over him. His eyes looked hesitant, scared to move forward. You smiled softly at him, your hand landing in the nape of his neck, gently pushing him down in a soft sweet kiss.

His lips moved slowly, softly and almost carefully against yours, savoring the moment as you let yourself go, melting into him. One kiss turned to two, three and soon the tv was long forgotten as he kissed you more intensely, no longer scared to cross a line as you made it pretty obvious what you wanted.

When you didn't have any air left in your lungs you pulled away, resting your forehead against his, thumb stroking his cheek affectionately as he gazed into your eyes.

He looked conflicted, like he didn't know what to feel or say. "Tell me what you're thinking" you begged. "I'm thinking I don't know what just happen, I-I thought you didn't like me more than a friend"

"I didn't"you answered, seeing him wavering "But I don't know, these last couple of weeks I have gotten other feelings, strong feelings. Like when I look at you I get butterflies, when we kissed right now it felt like I was gonna explode" you tried to explain, his face-expression impossible to read.

"So, you have feelings for me? More than a friend?"

You nodded slowly, looking at him apprehensively, "I don't know how you feel but I-"

He cut you off with his lips on yours you immediately answering it, tongues intertwining, hands grabbing at each-other both on the line to desperate but it didn't matter anymore.

"Hii Ben" you smiled, hugging him as he led you into the living room. Mason was right behind you, his hand on the small of your back as he walked behind you, listening to what Ben was telling you about as you stepped into the living room, greeting the others.

You felt Masons hand grip your waist tightly as you hugged Kepa, smiling as you turned back to your boyfriend, kissing his cheek with a teasing grin.

Mason guided you to the sofas where the rest of the guys were sitting. Kai had his girlfriend Sophia next to him but other than that it was only the boys, all you'd met before.

It was easy to be with them, all kind, funny and welcoming. Nothing felt awkvard or stiff. You did feel a bit awkvard though sitting next to Mason, because you didn't know how you should act with him in front of his friends. It had been almost two months now since you'd kissed for the first time and after that everything had just moved on, smoothly and quickly.

You'd decided to give it a go which was both terrifying and amazing. It scared you to not know what would happen if Mason suddenly stopped feeling for you, what if he had thought about it so much he had became hung up on it but when you made it to reality it wasn't that fun?

You worried and Mason knew that but he also knew that his feelings wouldn't stop. He wasn't hung up or obsessed with the thoughts but he truly loved you and that wouldn't change overnight. It was a scary step to get over but he had never been happier.

The discussion about you as a couple hadn't been long, you had just went with it, tried it and felt it out without too much discussion and questions. That had worked really well but that meant that you hadn't discussed about publicity. Did he want to be open in front of his friends or act like you were just friends? Did he want to sneak around or go about?

Mason's hand on your thigh snapped you out of your thinking, you quickly flashing a smile at his frown. "Are you okay?"

The words were low in your ear, his closeness making you shiver as you nodded "I'm fine" you smiled as convincing as you could.

He nodded, giving you a small glint between narrow eyes which made you laugh. His arm came behind you, pulling you closer to him which pulled a smile to your face.

Something you loved about Mason and always had done was his ability to read situations and people. He knew what you needed or what the situation needed without a single word.

He declined playing the first round of FIFA for the night and instead opted to sit and talk with you, Kai and Sophia who had also turned down the offer. Mason seemed to have no problem at all behaving around his friends but you still felt stiff. You overthought every move you did and every word you said.

Soon it felt unberable, like it was to stiff and awkvard but you couldn't make sense of how you should behave. When the boys went out to the kitchen to fetch some more drinks Mason took the opportuinty to ask you again, demanding the real answer.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he hummed, his eyes staring into you making it feel like he was looking through you. "Yeah I'm sure" you tried but you already knew you wouldn't be able to crawl out of this one without telling him the truth.

"Y/n" he repeated, tearing a groan out of you to which he chuckled. "Fine, I feel awkvard as hell, okay?"

"No not okay, why? I thought you liked them? Do you want to leave?" Your head shook, smiling at his concerned face "I do like them it's not them that make me awkvard it's us"

"Us?" he asked in confsuion, a small tension growing in his chest

"Not us us but... ugh" you groaned "I don't know how to act around your friends" you finally admitted, making his worry melt away and a small smile making it's way on his face instead.

He looked at you, prompting you to elabrotate your thoughts.

"Well I dont know, I mean we agreed to try this but we never talked about others. I don't know how to act around the others because I don't know what you want"

"I still don't get it" Mason admitted making you groan out a chuckle at your bad explaining skills.

"I don't know if you want us to act like friends, if you want us to behave like a couple or what you want and it makes me stiff as fuck"

Mason's smile made you frown, not liking the way he found your misery amusing. "Don't worry so much" he tried but you scoffed "I suck at being social, you know that"

Masons laughter echoed in the room, lightning you up "Don't hang yourself up on it, you don't have to hide anything because we are trying a relationship and we are both serious about it so why would you even think to hide it"

"I don't know, we haven't talked about it" you muttered, looking down in your lap. "I know we haven't but we are both serious about this, right?" "Of course"

"Then there is nothing to hide" he smile, his fingers tilting your ching up so you looked him in the eyes. His lips met yours softly, catching you off guard at first but soon you melted into him. Kissing him back with a small smile on your lips, feeling the worries melt away.

"Okay okay" Ben gagged out as they walked into the room again "enough"

All of them were grinning at you, wiggling their eyebrows and making your face flush. Head turning away from them to contain your embarassement

"Aww did you get shy now?" Ben mocked you, teasingly smiling at you, giving you the impression he already knew about this.

"Stop being an ass Ben" Mason scolded his friend but he still smiled, finding amusement in your flushed face. "Let her be" Sophia scolded, flicking Ben away

"When did this happen?" Reece smiled politely, breaking the teasing "Uh, two months ago?" Mason hummed, giving you a small squeeze as you gained your cool back.

"Are you together?"

"Is that the hottest you kissed?"

"Have you fucked?"

Your eyes widened at Ben's question, spread laughter filling the air as you hid your face again, not being able to take this awkvardness

"Ben fuck off!" Mason chuckled, hugging you into him "It's so fun to make her that flustered" he argued, your eyes glaring at him.

"Not to be rude or anything but wasn't you just with Kepa?" Christian asked, your eyes fleeting away again as Mason gave him a stern look but luckily Kepa answered for you

"Nah man it was nothing serious and we ended it a couple of months ago"

Your eyes sent him a thankful look which he only smiled at, making sure you knew it was fine. You had told him about Mason after you'd kissed him for the first time, feeling you owed it to him after everything and he had only been happy for you, telling you about a girl he had met in Spain when visiting the last month making it easy to maintain friends.

No more questions was asked and the boys went back to chatting, laughing, drinking and eating as someone had ordered take-away.

"See, it's all fine" Mason smiled, your eyes slimming "Except for Christian thinking I go through the group" you hummed, his eyes turning soft "He didn't mean it like hat and even if, it dosen't matter, does it? Me and you both know that it isn't like that"

You smiled, nodding at him "Thank you Mase"

His smile mirrored yours, lips coming to meet yours again in a sweet kiss, going in for another Ben interrupted again "Come on guys, no no no"

"Just don't look you sensitive ass" Mason joked, pecking your lips once more before pulling you into him, thumb gently stroking your hip as you smiled contently at him.

_____________________

@xjval @sessgjarg

[icyy-hoon]

hi! im one of tama's friends and i saw that you "addresed" the thing about her being a minor and you hinted that she may have a bad influence at school or at home which i find kinda rude tbh and making a topic well known where a minor is included its kinda hypocrite too bc she already said that some people have attacked her in her inbox (which i have proof) and even emi (emisloves) herself has insulted her publicly by calling her slurs. i would be so grateful if you and the other people in enhablr that are interesed in the topic let it go for once.

not trying to be rude to you bc youre actually vv sweet but, how would you feel if people were in your inbox constantly asking your age (which they alr know) and leaving passive-aggressive asks?

all those people who find it weird enough to see a 15yo reading/writing smut should start taking a walk every morning or in their free time. yall do not know tama at all and how shes doing to be assuming she has some problems to be interacting with written smut, what yall should focus on should be on how not to expose a minor knowing damn well any kind of people are going to end in her blog and anything can happen.

hi there!

first of all, i apologize for saying she had a bad influence at school or at home; nevertheless i did not state that she does. I said maybe, and i'm simply assuming it because ppl are frequently impacted by what we can consider to be terrible things maybe at school, at home, or on social media.

secondly, abt the hypocrisy, i am just doing my job by addressing this matter as best as i can. As for those ppl, i can't stop them from doing that. If I really do take down the post related to this matter, some people would still come into her inbox, and send hate messages. I can say, that by taking down the post, it will reduce the number of hate messages she recieves, but what about emi's post? i believe emi has a lot of fans who will always check her acc and eventually, will see the posts related to tama there.

thirdly, i actually don't find it completely odd. maybe in 50% ? because i thought abt this : if they are 15 years old, and they interacted with nsfw stuffs, what's different when they're 18 years old later? Is it wrong if a 15 years old does it? and i observed a lot of opinions stating that's not good because they can't think clearly, or it can affects their lives. And i believe, they are overly concerned about the possibility of them falling into something unsuitable for their age such as s*x, is high.

fourthly, i'd like to apologize for anything i said, that may have affected some people, upset some people, or made some people think i was impolite. I'm really sorry; if i don't remove this post, people will send you negative and harsh messages, tama. I definitely need some time to think. But i believe tama is a strong girl, a strong person, and has changed. So, everyone out there, please stop sending her hate message since she' has quit writing smuts for now.

let me know what your opinions! should i remove the post? or keep it?

tagging some moots to help me decide :

@dollyhoon @amorek1m @yuvany @eunimaybe @regularsuh

@ikeuberri @chaconnenha @haerni @cupidriki @flwrstqr

@mioons @heeblurs @wonsprincess @kairoot @miumura

@sunrenity @kissofhoon @dollyrin @enhas-lvr

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[munkiey]

First of all, hello lmao. I just found your blog because I love lmk stuff even though I'm not very active on this social network, I've seen your amazing art on other social networks, and I wanted to ask you kindly if you could help giving me some tips to be able to promote my art or my blog in a better way or how to get people to see my content more, because I have seen that you have been very popular here in such a short time and I have been here trying for more than a year and I have achieved almost nothing, when I share my art on various sites there are no comments and I don't know what to do anymore, I am a bit desperate because I really want to work on this because I love it, it is my passion and also I will want to have some income with commissions because I need it, so yes I would like to make money doing what I am passionate about, but sometimes I wonder if my art is really good or what am I doing wrong because nobody responds to me when I post something. It was long, sorry if this has bothered you, I hope you can answer me, I feel that it would help me.

Okay so what you’re asking about is marketing. Now in the grand scheme of things bud, I’m actually pretty small. Maybe in correlation to a small fandom I might have made an impression but as the internet at large I’m a guppy compared to some of the big fish. Honestly, I prefer it that way. 

The bigger you get the easier a target you are, and the less you’re a person to the people you interact with. Don’t forget that.

The old saying, it's lonely at the top, is very true. The bigger you get the more likely people are to put expectations on you for how you should behave or what they expect. You’ll always be vulnerable to criticism and unable to reach out to your ‘fans’ in a fashion that isn’t either going to leave you exposed or looked at with scrutiny. When it comes to breaking into a fandom though, choosing what your focus is and making sure you have in mind what branding you’re going for. People like consistency and they like predictability. Think about some of the most famous Youtubers today, they’re always updating and they have a ‘theme’ to what they do. I’m a comic artist and wannabe animator, that’s what my content is. I post occasional illustrations between larger projects but as a whole people who follow me can generally expect I have something in the works. 

Looking at your message as a whole though I’m gonna give you a little bit of a hard pill. Don’t base your worth off what other people say. Yes, not getting any responses s u c k s. We’ve all been there and we all want to know how we did. In the grand scheme of things artists are a line of lil dogs wagging their tails and waiting for a pat on the head. You gotta find joy in just chasing that passion though. I see a lot of artists chasing clout and not chasing their artistic passion. They base every decision off what people want, or what they think will get them noticed. It’s very hollow. You can make a living in the comic book, illustration, animation, industry and never be noticed by the online sphere as a whole. Trust me on that, the amount of people I see that I know are published and recognized artists in the industry and have almost no following is a pretty regular thing. Again though, that comes down to your focus and what you want. If you want to have an online presence and gain a following, choose your lane, market yourself and keep your social media oriented towards that. Make a character for yourself and how you want to be perceived by people. I’m not always as cheeky in person, or horrific, but I like the humor of it and it builds a persona for me online.  If you want a career and you want to chase that dream, focus on improving yourself first. If you keep posting it online, trust me, the rest will follow.

There is no magic pill to making a social media following overnight. There are tricks, things to do to help grow it over time. Marketing classes are a thing and can help. But all and all, I’m also a believer in the fact that, if you love what you do, the rest will gradually follow.

[maybege]

may's candid and personal take on fandom

On a more candid note, I’d like to talk more about my experience as a writer in fandom. I spent a long time thinking about this (a better part of the last six months, on and off) as I am usually trying to keep my opinions to myself due to events that are long ago now.

I really need you all to be kinder to writers.

I have been here since sometime around May 2020 and I think it is telling that the fandom circles around the same problems again and again and nothing ever changes.

Interaction is really low and I am not the first writer to lament this, nor will I be the last one but maybe I have this naïve hope that if enough people read the same thing again and again, it will finally stick. I know I haven’t put out content on a regular basis for a long time now but while it is not directly related to the level of interactions these works get, that rhythm will for sure not improve if interaction stays as low as it is. It can be really disheartening to know you have over a thousand followers and the reblogs/comments on your works do not even exceed 50.

Obviously, the way tiktok and fast paced social media work have influenced how we interact with things on all kinds of platforms. But I really need you all to understand that a like on tumblr does not count the way it does on Instagram or maybe even tiktok. That is a bookmark at best. Do I mind if you serial like an entire series of mine? Of course not, I am happy to see that someone is actively reading something of mind and enjoying it. But please have the courtesy to maybe comment on the masterlist or the most recent part.

Fandom is taking and giving and I think it is unfair that it is somehow is expected of writers to pump out story after story without having to give them something (comments, asks, reblogs) for it. And when someone complains about it, suddenly we are deemed as ungrateful to the few that actually read our stuff.  

Back in lockdown, there was more of a balance for obvious reasons. But now that I see that writers cannot post as much due to real life or maybe other reasons, it is like the number of notes has diminished across the board. Writers in fandom are people who are not (and cannot be) paid for their works. (Side note: If you accept fanfiction commissions or money for fanfiction, I will find you quicker than the mouse mafia because you will not ruin this for us.) On one hand, the expectation seems to be that writers should update ever single week without fail. On the other hand, it seems too big an ask of readers to actually comment/reblog the things that they read.

(Waiting for a new chapter for weeks, months, hell, even years, was never unusual in fandom spaces and I need this to be more common knowledge.)

Then again, the negativity in fandom has really fucking increased. It comes and goes in wavesand I will not pretend to be affected because I was so inactive this last year. (This is simply a side note but it is something that I think needs more attention: The way I see poc creators treated is despicable and while I do not write for PP characters anymore because of all the drama, people really need to reflect how they see Pedro Pascal as a human being instead of a sex object.)

For me, personally, I have noticed that if I get genuinely angry at something happening on tumblr, it is time for me to log off and really focus on real life and I think it is something that we all should take to heart. Sadly, the more time passes, the more I am convinced that this fandom might not even be worth it anymore and I genuinely understand many creators who decide to leave permanently. It often feels like people are just there to create drama or to vague or that important and serious posts about how we should treat each other and the actors we admire are simply ignored in favour of the “I don’t like drama.” line. Which, like, one is drama and one is not. (Spoiler alert: Discussions on fandom inclusion and racism within fandom are not drama.)

Anyway, Readers need to be more mindful of the power they have over writers and if you want to complain that so many creators have deactivated or become inactive, I would like to ask that you reflect on when was the last time that you commented on someone’s fic.

[bejoomi]

belated event + general plot call!

hi everyone! now that i'm officially off hiatus it's time to make my Official Plot Call and get back into the swing of things. i'll need threads of all kinds, both regular and event threads for all three of my muses. i'll do what i usually do and write a bit about their current states, as well as what they'll be doing and how they're feeling regarding the halloween event under the cut! and also an event tracker. but please like this post to plot and i will message you soon 💗

JOOMI

GENERAL UPDATE

with dohyun leaving delta, his songwriting trio (dorenmi) with ren and dohyun is broken. he is very sad about it because they had dreams of being The songwriting trio of delta's next bg and potentially the next generation of bgs in general. he is still movin forward though and doing his best to not be Crushed by it. he is feeling a bit aimless though, and he got so used to writing with ren and dohyun that his creative process is all out of whack now, which is p much just as frustrating for him as dohyun leaving. i think he's been trying to do more things on his own lately, both falling into his old habit of shutting down and closing in on himself when he's hurt by Other people, and because he just like...wants to make sure he's still comfortable functioning by himself, because maybe he's Not and if he Is other people leaving his life won't hurt so much. but i think he's also trying to like...do it in a healthy way, and not shut down, and he's also trying to hang out with people that aren't his closest friends because he thinks it would be good to expand his social circle a little. also out of hopes that if someone leaves again he won't feel it as much. this means there's a lot of room for plotting with new people, yay! or reconnecting with people he hasn't spoken to in a while. but he is still pretty sad and is an introvert so he will not be doing anything that requires intricate planning or orchestration on his part slkdfjglsflkf ALSO NEW DELTA PEOPLE!! PLOT W HIM! he will still do his best to be welcoming and be a good sunbae, not an emo ass bitch for them .

HALLOWEEN

joomi is in a Creative Block rn to some degree and this unfortunately is extending to halloween costumes. he would be happy to go out and do halloween stuff with people though....he just probably will not be making the plans. he might honestly go and do some stuff by himself though, like the ghost tour...so there's an opportunity for him to run into pretty much anyone there! or maybe catch him shopping for a halloween costume just Staring at them with nothing calling to him. he could probably use some help in the costume department, especially for the trainee costume contest. he does not feel the need to win it but he does want to do a decent job, if only because delta is running the contest and he doesn't want to disappoint them LMAO he also might go to lotte world and check out the discounts by himself. he used to work there and hated it but it's been a year now and he's kinda interested to see how it feels now. he will probably be weirdly introspective if u run into him there. LJKSDFKLSKLD (also update as i was typing this post: joomi decided he wants to be dead aka a skeleton for halloween. so he will be in one of those goofy ass skeleton body suits for the axis party and probably a mask too that he doesn't wear for more than 5 mins because it gets hot)

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @bexstevie (1/4) thread 2: open thread 3: open AXIS HALLOWEEN EVENT: party thread 1: @beseojun (3/4) ✓ party thread 2: @bejiayi (4/4) ✓ trick or treating thread/solo: @beyeseul (4/4) ✓

NAYOUNG

GENERAL UPDATE

nayoung's Situationship (cam) has now left sr media and she is Just A Bit sad. but she's also like wow i can finally focus without him bothering me god bless. LKJSDLKFSLKDF but she's still being pretty antisocial...though she is at least Aware now that she Should interact with people more. there are just not many people in her life she does actively want to spend time with. but she is more willing to do things with others now, though chances are she won't initiate anything unless it is with her Palz, of which there are like, two off the top of my head. KLJSDLKFS so she may need some encouragement from others to not just Work all the time. she is still gaming and working at the convenience store in her minimal free time tho so plots around that are always possible!

HALLOWEEN

she will not go out of her way to participate in anything but if the right person/people ask her to do something she will! HOWEVER she is very determined to win the axis costume contest. she is just way too competitive. she has decided she's going to be medusa and she is going all out. makeup, gray contacts, curled hair, snake staff and snake headpiece – the works. costume is something in this zone. she will probably look very unsettling and will enjoy unnerving people all night! it would be nice if she had someone to get ready with and/or help her do her makeup too so that plot is open if we can get nayoung to like someone enough for that LMAO 😭 but she will also 100% be sucking up to their seniors and getting as much candy and such from them as she can

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @beyuji (2/4) thread 2: @bejaeyoung (2/4) thread 3: open AXIS HALLOWEEN EVENT: party thread 1: @beclaudine (2/4) party thread 2: @beseira (2/4) trick or treating thread/solo: open

RIHA

GENERAL UPDATE

riha got a dreamwave audition callback for lime BUT she did not actually go and audition. she chickened out and decided to pretend to be sick 😭 she just felt very unprepared for everything and even though she knows auditioning could only possibly be a good experience. she scawed. it made her think about if she Really wants to become an idol or not because she's really only doing it for her late mom and she's very intimidated by it. she thinks she does tho! so she's going to try to focus up so next time an audition opportunity comes around she feels ready for it. it's all made her think of her mom more though, and if riha is good at anything it's Running From Feelings, so you bet she's been trying to fill her life with Activities so she doesn't have time to be sad! unlike the others riha Will initiate and plan things with just about anyone. she's also vaguely looking into vocal lessons on top of the dance lessons she's already taking so she can Actually Improve, so more music-related plots would be nice now! but rly anything goes with her, she's always down for something new. most of the time anyway

HALLOWEEN

riha will be very happy to do halloween related stuff with anyone! she thinks halloween is very fun even though she gets easily scared. she loves seeing everyone's costumes, especially pretty girls LMAOOO that being said she is so facking indecisive she has no idea what she wants to be. so let her tag along with your group costume(s). she is down to go do fun things multiple days in different costumes and she would honestly like to try everything that's going on in the city for halloween! she will be very good at the zombie run honestly bc she's so active. i think she will have a lot of fun w that even though she will also be Screaming. if ur muse gets scared she can probably still run with them on her back bc she is a big strong girl. LKSDJFSFLSFD but she's open for a lot and is once again down for anything most of the time

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @beclaudine (2/4) thread 2: @beyuji (2/4) thread 3: @beseira (1/4)

[redwineconversation]

in re harsh truths

I don't like getting involved in this sort of stuff but this is also really getting on my last nerves.

There is only one group of supporters who have a documented history of:

impersonating individuals, whether it be on a social media platform, on the hellsite known as the L-Chat, or just outright catfishing (???)

harassing players who leave the club

stalking players on social media

stalking and harassing the family members of a player, to the point of actually traveling to another country to do so

violating basic boundaries

inability to grasp human decency.

And I think we all know which group of supporters it is, and it's not Lyon.

Now I get it, Arsenal fans have never grasped the concept of critical thinking before, so really to expect them to display any of it now is on me. I should have known better than for them to even suspect that just because invasive behavior is the norm for them, it might not be for supporters of other clubs.

I don't know why that Dutch troll whose name is (_____) and who works (__ _ __________) has a complete and utter meltdown every time Ellie Carpenter commits the crime of humanity that is breathing. I don't know she continuously promotes the narrative that Danielle van de Donk must have cheated, despite written evidence by their darling Beth Mead stating otherwise.

I also, for the life of me, do not understand why (_____) cares so much about players she so openly dislikes. It requires time and effort that could so easily be spent elsewhere. It's not that hard.

It's genuinely infuriating to me that Arsenal fans seem to think that because they exhibit so much invasive behavior it is seen as the norm amongst them, that they seem to think other supporters act the same way. When called out on it, there's immediate defensive behavior, and it turns into a "well, you have no fans!" competition of handbag throwing.

Like Jesus Christ guys. Look at some of the shit you Arsenal fans deem acceptable behavior. Ask yourselves why you seem to think impersonating people is something that should be given a pass. The truth is, you know what you're doing is wrong. But you don't want to pretend that you are alone in displaying this gross behavior and so you pretend to be other fans doing the same just to manipulate the reality that, well, people see Arsenal fans exactly for what they are.

Arsenal fans have the reputation they do for a reason. Maybe they can focus on trying to change that rather than harassing my club's players or impersonating people on social media platforms.

[hanging-on-by-a-clawclip]

How to Start a Blog: A Satire

Hi, over the past week and a half I’ve been on a blog kick, or rather a “I want to start a blog because I have no creative outlet” kick. What I learned is that designing a blog, or any website for that matter, is incredibly difficult and very frustrating. So, I have taken it upon myself to make a how to guide on creating a blog. It’ll be fun, c'mon let’s go!

Step 1: Realize you want to start a blog even though you’ve never shown that much interest in writing because all you’ve ever written were school essays, but you convince yourself you did good on those essays, hence why you should start a blog. (extra points if you realize this on your way home from the beach)

Step 2: Decide on a blog platform! There are numerous websites where you can house your blog, the trick is picking one. Wix is good, if you want your blog header to look deformed on mobile even though it looks *perfect* on desktop. Another popular site is WordPress, unless you have a degree in designing websites, you’re basically screwed. Or maybe I just wasn’t blessed with the website design genes in my family. Thanks mom. Weebly is that one you had to make a power point on in your 7th grade English class and since then it’s just left a bad taste in your mouth. There’s several others but I think whoever coded them watched The Social Network one time and decided they wanted to be the new Mark Zuckerberg. Anyways, step 3 anybody?

Step 3: Time to pick a theme *insert random aesthetic emojis here because my HP laptop has the worst emojis I have EVER seen* Depending on what you want to focus your blog on will be the deciding factor on your theme. Are you a gamer? Choose a color palette that has lots of purples, blues, and neon colors. But are you narrowing it down to a certain video game? Use the games colors in your blog. A beauty blog you say? Pink, white, and lots of light colors, possibly some pastels if you’re feeling spontaneous. 

Step 4: The time has come to decide between designing your blog from scratch OR picking a premade template that looks awesome but when you try to edit it to match your theme it looks worse than if you had started from scratch. 

Step 5: Put all the decisions you made to work! Now absolutely forget about everything except your theme because all you will focus on for days is making the header look like God hand crafted it himself. You will fail many times but that’s okay, just get back up on the horse and convince yourself to come back to it later. Work on the layout, how is the home page going to look? What pictures do you want to use? Do you need to go find aesthetic stuff of Pinterest to make your blog look better because the only pictures good enough to be online are your graduation pictures and the pictures of your dog that your mom sends you to combat your anxiety, I mean pet pictures are cute yes put them on the blog, in fact make it a blog ABOUT your pet. I guarantee more people will read it if you do that. Can we go to step 6 now please?

Step 6: This step is personally my least favorite and takes the longest. You will bounce between steps 2, 3, 4, and 5 because you aren’t satisfied with anything you have created so far :)

Step 7: Complain about it to your friend in which she asks you, “Is it worth it?” and you respond with the truth that its probably not worth it but you need a creative outlet and have convinced yourself that you aren’t good at anything else.

Step 8: You’re tired aren’t you? That’s okay, let’s take a break. How was your day? Did you do anything fun? Oh you didn’t leave your house because you’ve been trying to make a blog all day. Yeah that happens, but that’s why we’re taking a break now! Go drink some water, eat a sandwich, don’t get on social media though, you’ll never come back to read the rest of my how to guide.

Step 9: You have finally handcrafted something that kind of looks like a blog, this is the part where you realize you set your design expectations too high and you’re actually really liking the simple, minimalistic vibe that you’ve somehow created. Now step 9 is making your domain name, which is the URL people will go to when they want to visit your blog. Coming up with a domain name is like making a new password. Everything you think of has already been used. The issue is you can’t make Ilovetaylorswift123! your domain name... (for clarification that is not my real password, I made that up in like three seconds.) This step is a two parter because I’m feeling chaotic today. As you are getting frustrated about not being able to come up with a good domain name, you realize that the blog platform you used that said you’d get a free domain name, is only half true because somehow, someway, you will be paying for this gosh darn blog- both with money and your sanity.

Step 10: Congratulations, you’ve made it, here’s your trophy in the form of what was supposed to be my first blog post but after claiming that I will in fact not be paying their absurd prices, I came to my early high school second home- Tumblr. One blog platform I didn’t mention in step 2 was Tumblr and there’s a reason for that. It’s not necessarily a traditional platform for a blog and readers have to have an account with Tumblr so when you share the link to your friends, a cute little box pops up that says “Ah, now. You need clearance for that.” and asks them to make an account. Which makes sense because Tumblr IS a social media platform so no hate to them for that. 

In conclusion, (because like I said, I have convinced myself I was very good at school essays) making a blog is hard and not for the faint of heart. You’ll need a solid plan, knowledge on how to use the blog platform you’ve chosen, and money for the domain name. But if you’re like me and don’t have any of those, that’s okay! Because there will always be somewhere for you to share your writings, your passions, and your truths.

Have a good day, friends <3

[estrelladeishtar-archive]

Catch me resurfacing after 5000 years only to (maybe) slip back away & into the void of space like some kinda cryptid

Also I updated the desktop blog themes for here & my personal bc it’s about time I got off my ass & did that

Anyway

I guess we’ve been long overdue for an updates post yeah? Last one I made was legit Nov 2021... I think I should at least leave another update post before seeing if I’m still around or end up vanishing yet again, lmfao But regardless, getting to the point...

Tossing shit under a read more just so that in case of a lengthy ass post it doesn’t clog people’s dashboards (dashboards? timelines? ...I’ve been mostly on twitter lmao so). TL;DR, life’s come swinging hard at me so it’s kept all of my focus mostly on personal matters, less on art, even with still creating things in the distance despite taking a lengthy hiatus (that’s arguably still ongoing? a semi hiatus now perhaps) so.

So I mean, for starters its kinda. Obvious that I’ve been more active on other social media sites rather than here, & tbh whether I really stick around here for long or end up disappearing back into the depths once more for whatever unforeseen reason is yet to be seen, especially since I only really use this place on occasion (for my mental health’s sake, mostly, whether that’ll change over time or will always remain in this “appears only occasionally” cycle is something we’ve yet to see, but for now... just don’t count on me really being consistently active here)

But even with being more active on other places I’ve still taken a semi-hiatus/hiatus, with a major part of that being attributed to uh. Health issues coming back with a vengeance & tryna crush me lol. I mean that’s, kinda par for the course with chronic illness I guess? But it’s put a heavy emphasis on me having to look after myself even moreso than before, & this amidst still processing some really heavy shit I mentioned in my last update that I won’t get into (bc it’s both deeply personal & very trigger heavy), on top of other things life keeps throwing at me (because of course it would), well I’ve just taken priority on taking care of that & making sure I’m fine &... thus not really being too present on here or anywhere really. Sometimes showing up on occasions because I engage with astrology related communities (since I’m learning more on that & other personal practices I won’t bore y’all with), sometimes showing up to support other artists, but yeah.

I do admit tho I’ve still been creating stuff in the background. Be it practicing with stuff art wise or working on other personal OC stuff or projects, I’ve had that still, & its one of the things that helps keep me afloat whilst also navigating, well, life itself. It’s admittedly been difficult navigating shit also tho because due to my health situation, I can’t really do comms (& I’ve been on break from them due to burnout), so income’s been... troublesome to say the least considering medical bills & all that. So trying to find ways to get that & sometimes getting help from others has been another thing that’s kept me away, but yeah.

Ultimately tl;dr of it is that I’ve just had life itself as a priority above all other things. & it’s bound to stay that way for a while, so yeah. But I still do want to see if, on occasions I’m on here posting art, I can maybe share some stuff around the OCs I’ve worked on/created/etc, as well as maybe lore for personal worldbuilding stuff?

I mean I need to share it on my toyhouse eventually anyway LOL, & AT LEAST on here I can make posts about OCs without being constrained to a fucking 280 char limit per post if I opt to do so 💀 Or see what else I choose to share as well as the art I make from time to time? Especially since I’ve been majorly revamping my own OCs & even with my sona I’ll soon be showcasing their proper ref in full with all forms of them/versions of em, both in & out of fandom but. yeah. Things to come.

Also- do expect more of this acct to start turning more OC focused or, IF I share fancharacters, its more centered around them... It doesn’t mean I’ll stop doing fanart no, since I do enjoy doing that on my spare time too, BUT I want my focus shifted primarily on OC content more since that’s my own personal passion anyway (be it OCs, fancharacters, self ship stuff too, or other’s OCs also) & cause I usually have more to ramble on about when it comes to OCs? So yeah. I plan to also implement other changes later into this acct but I’m presently just figuring that mess out while still being on semi-hiatus so yeah.

I hope all of y’all have been doing well & I do appreciate those who’ve stuck around still despite my routine appearing & disappearing bs lmao, & I wish y’all well also

...This update turned a lot longer than I anticipated but hey, least it’s not me updating at some weird ass fucking hour bc of being wide awake at strange times (my sleep schedule’s still broken as hell) (no its not ever going to improve probably) (Its been this way since 2010) (so don’t count on it improving)

[wicked-d00d]

Dizzy leaves the lecture hall with her backpack on her shoulders. As she walks down the hallway, she passes by other students who seem more engaged in their classes than she is.

"Everyone else looks so focused. Why am I like this? What happened to my brain?"

Dizzy enters an empty bathroom stall where she lights up a joint. She takes several deep breaths as she exhales smoke into the air. "I've been smoking weed since I was 12 years old," says Dizzy. "It helps me focus."

She then goes outside for some fresh air before returning to school. On her way out of the building, she sees another student lighting up a cigarette. The two exchange nods and smile at each other.

After getting home, Dizzy sits down at her desk and opens her laptop. She pulls up her online coursework and begins studying.

“Why did I even bother coming to college?” wonders Dizzy. “I don’t want to learn anything! All I care about is getting high and having fun!"

Dizzy closes her computer and puts away her books. She grabs her phone and starts scrolling through social media posts.

“Look at how much fun everyone else is having without me,” laments Dizzy. “They’re partying all night while I sit here alone.”

Dizzy gets up off the couch and heads over to her bedroom window. She gazes out onto the street below and watches people walking around town.

“What do they have that I don’t?” asks Dizzy. “How come they can go out there and enjoy life but not me?”

Dizzy returns to her room and lies down on her bed. She rolls herself a joint and lights it up.

“This is what I live for!” exclaims Dizzy. “Weed makes everything better!”

Dizzy continues rolling joint after joint until she falls asleep.

She wakes up late the next morning. Her roommate knocks on the door and tells her that she needs to get ready because they are going to miss class if they don’t hurry.

“You know you should stop doing drugs,” says Dizzy’s roommate. “Your parents would kill you if they knew you were using marijuana every day.”

Dizzy ignores her roommate and continues rolling joints. After finishing one last joint, she stands up and heads towards the shower.

“I guess I could try to quit tomorrow,” thinks Dizzy. “But today isn’t tomorrow yet…”

Dizzy finishes taking a shower and dries off. She puts on her clothes and heads out the front door.

“Maybe I will just skip class today,” muses Dizzy. “I mean, why waste time learning when I already know everything anyway?”

Dizzy arrives at campus and decides to head straight to the library instead of attending any classes. Once inside, she finds a seat near the windows and turns on her laptop.

“Now let’s see what happens when I look up "Guilty Gear" on tumblr...”

Dizzy scrolls through various images and videos related to Guilty Gear. She comes across a blog called @gear-project​, which contains information about the characters and storyline of the games.

“Wow, these guys really love Guilty Gear,” observes Dizzy. “And they actually put together a lot of cool stuff too.”

As Dizzy reads through the articles, she learns many interesting facts about the world of Guilty Gear, including herself. She was surprised to learn that she hatched from an egg.

“That explains why I always feel like I’m missing something,” remarks Dizzy. “I wonder what I looked like before I grew feathers and wings?”

Dizzy spends hours reading through the website. When she finally feels satisfied, she logs off and shuts down her computer.

Dizzy heads back to her dorm room and prepares dinner. While eating, she receives a text message from her friend asking her to hangout later tonight.

“Sure thing,” replies Dizzy. “Just give me a few minutes to take a nap first.”

Dizzy smokes a bowl and falls asleep shortly afterwards.

“Alright, let’s go find our favorite DJ!” proclaims Dizzy. “He’ll play us the best music ever!”

Dizzy leads her friends through the crowd and eventually locates the entrance to the dance floor.

“Here we go!” cheers Dizzy. “Party time!”

The group of friends enter the club and begin dancing along to the music. They drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes throughout the evening. At midnight, Dizzy and her friends leave the club and walk back to their cars.

“Let’s meet up again next week,” suggests Dizzy. “I think I might have found a new place to party.”

Dizzy drives home and parks her car in the garage. She locks the doors behind her and heads upstairs to her bedroom.

“Time to relax and unwind,” declares Dizzy. “Tomorrow is another day.”

Dizzy turns on her television and flips through channels until she reaches the news station. A report catches her attention.

“Oh no,” gasps Dizzy.

A picture appears on screen showing a man being charged with possession of illegal substances. He is identified as Johnny Gears, a well known drug dealer in the area.

“Johnny Gears is dead,” announces the anchorwoman. “Police say he died during a shootout with officers earlier this afternoon.”

Dizzy jumps up from her chair and runs over to the TV set.

“No, please tell me it wasn’t him!” pleads Dizzy. “Please tell me he didn’t die!”

Dizzy paces back and forth in her living room. She tries calling his number multiple times but keeps receiving voicemail messages.

“Where are you Johnny?” screams Dizzy. “Don’t leave me! Please answer your phone!”

Dizzy throws her cellphone against the wall and collapses onto the ground. Tears stream down her face as she mourns the loss of her beloved supplier.

“My only source of supply is gone forever,” moans Dizzy. “There must be someone else out there somewhere. But who? Where? How?”

Dizzy remains on the floor crying for hours. Eventually, she calms down enough to stand up and turn off the television.

“I guess I’d better start looking for a new supplier,” reasons Dizzy. “At least I still have my job to fall back on.”

The next day Dizzy woke up and rolled another joint before heading to her shift at McDonalds

Dizzy walks into work and clocks in for her shift, high as usual. As usual, she greets her coworkers by saying hello.

“Hey Dizzy,” says one of them. “Didn’t you hear? Your boss fired you yesterday.”

“WHAT?!” yells Dizzy. “NO WAY!! WHY???”

Dizzy rushes outside and calls her manager.

“Hello?” answers the voice on the other end.

“Hi Mr. Johnson,” says Dizzy. “It’s me, Dizzy. What happened? Why am I no longer employed?”

Mr. Johnson sighs heavily before answering.

“Dizzy, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for some time now," begins Mr. Johnson. "Unfortunately, I had to fire you due to excessive tardiness."

“Tardiness? That’s ridiculous!” argues Dizzy. “I never showed up late once since I started working here!”

“Yes, but you also missed more than half of your scheduled shifts,” responds Mr. Johnson. “And you smell like you've been smoking weed.

“Smelling like weed doesn’t make me late,” retorts Dizzy. “Besides, how did you even notice? You hardly pay attention to anything around here!"

“Look, Dizzy,” says Mr. Johnson. “I understand that you may need help dealing with certain issues in your personal life. However, I cannot allow you to continue coming to work while under the influence of narcotics or alcohol. It simply isn’t safe for anyone involved.”

“Fine then,” agrees Dizzy. “If you aren’t willing to accept me for who I am, then I guess I’ll just have to move on without you.”

Dizzy leaves the restaurant and heads toward her house. On the way, she passes by a convenience store where she buys snacks and sodas.

Once home, Dizzy takes a long bath and relaxes in the tub. She gets high and enjoys listening to music and watching movies all night. The following morning, Dizzy awakens feeling refreshed and energized.

“Okay, so I lost my job,” reflects Dizzy. “But I still have plenty of money left in my bank account. And I can get more whenever I want if I keep doing what I do best.”

Dizzy rolls another joint and lights it up. She continues smoking marijuana throughout the rest of the day and falls asleep sometime in the early hours of the morning, ready for her next adventure.

[jenniferdiazisatransgirl]

Hey everyone,

So I should probably point out, that with the shit going down on Twitter a bunch of my friends are migrating from there to other social media. I have a Facebook which I keep relatively secret (search through this blog hard enough you will find a link to it 😂), a Discord and I recently set up a Mastodon account (@jenniferdiazisatransgirl@cultofshiv.wtf if anyone wants to give me a follow).

Beyond Twitter and FB, Tumblr is my largest social media footprint and as well as using this for fandom stuff, this blog does double as my personal blog.

Twitter has been a place that has been detrimental to my mental health for years and now with other social media platforms to move to and with a lot of my friends looking to leave Twitter, well I am deleting my Twitter account.

I just want to say, I don’t see things here really changing. My primary focus as always will be The Owl House or whatever fandom I join next. That being said, I may start posting slightly more socially on here too. I’m not sure if that is gonna make a huge difference to things. But as always my tagging system will remain the same.

Things tagged miscellaneous will generally be related to my life or things I find interesting. Things tagged The Owl House will be related to The Owl House.

And as you know on occasion I revisit SVTFOE and sometimes visit other fandoms. Things will remain tagged as usual.

Plus with me splitting my time less between social media, I maybe focusing on The Owl House a bit more now. At 7pm GMT tomorrow I am officially deleting my Twitter.

[saltysodacracker]

12:10am, January 4th, 2024

Final thoughts on being 21:

I really think that when you turn a new age you are physically that old. However, I feel that growing to the accustomed to what a person should be thinking, acting, saying, and doing at any age comes with the responsibility after you turn the new age. That is really when a person figures out what it means to be another year older.

A song that channelled into my mind after I wrote that goes, “I have this thing where I get older, but never wiser Midnights become my afternoons.” Maybe this is how it feels to be growing older.

As I turned 21 previously, I had no idea what lied before me. Thankfully, I figured it all out just 4 months before my new birthday. Otherwise I feel as though I would be stuck learning the same things as I did the year prior. It is as if you get it than you get it and if you don’t well then you don’t and nobody’s going to tell you how to figure it all out that is what the journey of self-discovery is all about. For me I have not a single clue what I am going to be learning this year as I am 22 today. All that I will figure it out along the way. Perhaps I have things I want to learn and am sure of them. One of those is being mentally kinder to myself and consciously kinder to the people around me. Make more of an affirmative effort to be kind and genuine. Not interact with so many random people on social media just to prove a point. I think this year I want to focus on character building and patience.

This previous year, I learned the true meaning of friendship. I have learned to see the good qualities in people. As well as I have learned how to be completely financially self-sufficient and independent. I learned to get over a breakup and honestly the key is finding someone or something that brings you a lot of excitement to your walk of life. Someone that seen you broken, hurting, and destructible. Willing to take away the ammunition that you were using to literally kill your self. Being sober became a huge asset for my life. I got smarter…

Again not sure why Taylor Swift is making an appearance, but again another song channelled as I was writing my last sentence, “You said the gun was mine… But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time. I rose up from the dead. I do it all the time….”

Anyway, being sober made me get my speed and ambition back. I am able to get a lot of stuff done with a clear head and thought process. I feel I am in my reborn era where now I am a hermit decluttering my life and organizing my existence. Everything from my sense of aesthetic, to fashion, interior design. I am taking a very minimalistic approach to living. If it’s eye candy and serves no other purpose than it needs to leave. I really want nothing materialistically anymore. Just want to live with the bare essentials. I am also trying to be super conscious of my purchases and what I am spending my money on as I want that to also be super minimal.

This year I want to spend more time with myself and get to know the person that I am. Hang with a few real people and just be so aware of what I am saying and experiment with how vast my influence is or can be. I know I am one of the billion ppl in this world, but I know that I do have a voice and I am important. I want to step into the potential and push myself to be all that I can be no matter how hard that may get. I want to be completely whole and bare. A person that is mysterious, open minded and open hearted. Kind, loving, understanding are all the attributes that I want to encompass.

I want to be passionate on all aspects of life, the good parts, the chapters or experiences that are sad and challenging. I want to be able to experience them from a healthy standpoint and stay humble.

The biggest thing I am learning is how valuable your true friends are when you figure that out. They will always want the best for you. Support you in every season and chapter of your life. They will always do the best they can to love you always. I have learned the same thing with my family. Not all of them want good things for you and are jealous like friends can be. However, true family sometimes can be thicker than blood. You can really love them, die for them, kill for them. That is being thicker than blood and how I feel about some of my family ad friends. As I am getting older I am realizing how much people truly mean to me and how they impact me. Also how I don’t know if I could be me or the person I am without them and how thinking about them not being in my life would maybe make me also not want to be here and try to be the best person I could be. I really feel like money is worthless and life is about the lessons you learn, the impact you leave behind, the friendships and connections you build. All the other things like how much money you make or assets you have are not meaningful. You can always make money, but you can’t bring the dead back to life. That is why it is important to treasure the people in your life as they are precious as silver & gold. Dictating this paragraph has me in tears because that is how it feels to love someone so much.

Besides that I want to be physically healthy and mentally sound that is true wealth also. You can be a millionaire and be terminally ill then how wealthy would you really be? If you can’t enjoy your life from a healthy frame of perspective than how rich is your life? Wealth and riches are vaster than just being financially based. It is also a state of mind. If you pinch your pennies and think broke you become rich too. Because you learned how to save and struggle like a poor person and live without things that a rich person takes for granted each day. Could be something as so simple as a coffee maker. I sold my Kerigue because it was so expensive to buy the pods for. I figured out that buying Maxwell house coffee tin for 8$ and use small scoop of it into a French press was saving me so much money every month. It is the little things I am nipping in the butt. I am not eating out as often and especially not fast food unless I get coupons in the mail for a meal deal outing as a treat. I am trying to figure out better ways to spend my cash and entertainment more wisely.

Another topic I want to touch on is sleep. I really learned how important it is. I have been napping more recently to give my mind a break and reset. There is a lot that happens to your mind when you sleep and it makes you age a lot less than if you just didn’t sleep. Your body can fight infections and prevent yourself from getting sick if you get a lot more rest. Reading also really helps to calm the mind and slow it down. This year I am going to do a lot more reading.

Last thing I want to talk about in depth is reading. I want to tab my books like I would if I was studying a textbook. I also want to write in my books if I want to. I want to really study the things I am reading. I want to get into more self-help books and gain more personal understanding from new educated perspectives. I also want to find some new authors this year. Maybe read some history and or read some new ghost stories or supernatural tales based more spiritual. With that maybe also some mystery in there I love a good puzzle to solve.

[urdadthinksimfine]

Day 3

Im mad at me how healing wounds is my priority again, a major focus for my attention, when it was healed just before my last relapse. What wouldve been my focus now, that I have acceptable skin?

Probably enduring how my skin is still breaking out, and being clean doesnt look clean or feel clean at all for me, how everything makes me cravy and destroyi and everything is destroyable and my perfectionism gets lit when there are no wounds, but just outbreaks.

.

Im going to sports courses, though, trying to give me a different body feel. I cant be a dainty cute girl, maybe ill look less dirty, if my body was more defined, even though its boxy and boyish.

.

I want to have a good and working skin care routine, nice products that work and a lush looking and smooth skin because of it. I want to know what my skin and body needs.

Skin care routine wise,

nutrition wise with antioxidants and shit, making my outbreaks less and making me more energetic,

exercise and body wise, what my body and mind and skin needs for getting its juices flowing, blood circulation and reducing stress and stuff,

media wise, what does it give me to share and write down, presenting myself officially, even though no one needs to read or react, with ranty-tumblr, aesthetic-tumblr, longing-tumblr..

.

If been looking up nutrition for people with athritis, how to reduce inflammation and stuff.. im very cravy right now, with everything that i want but dont do or am, i know, i just wonder what it takes from me to be able to do all that..

Eating the right stuff,

cooking with herbs that do stuff,

making things pretty,

knowing what to heat and what not.

How can i act different than i do.. i dont do stuff, that i want to, because im too scared to commit to one decision. in every way. but in this case it prevents me from putting shelves on the walls, purchasing real furniture, making places for things, like tupper for herbs and racks for dishes or flatware. even more difficult, putting color onto my walls, getting decoration of any kind, blenders for the windows.

.

At least Im doing my resolutions:

not destroying!

only 1 sweet snack per day (like 1 can of sugary drink, 1 piece of pie, 1 sugared coffee..)

at least 1 urban sports course per day

Other things with a little less priority:

meditating

inquiry and sitting a table

handle things on my own, instead of discussing it with my inner circle

I need to get some kind of clearity, of what I want and what is just a reaction to stress (like wanting to move cities, going to Japan or staying for a job), what do I want to do in the future (what would i like to study and/ or work later), what are my interests (maths, social problems, biologic matters, music, organizing and planning stuff, what is hobby-worthy and what would i wanna do for a job) and what and who do i wanna be, like someone completely different and try very new new things or should i pay more attention to what i think are my limits, to what is stressing me out?

"Who am I when I dont destroy myself" kinda thing.. Right now I really, really, wanna leave, the city or the country and get away, because I feel constricted. What if thats just me, with my own limitation from my addiction?

I miss the sentou and its meditative atmosphere. I miss how alone i was with my thoughts, feelings and time back there. I want that. I feel like I cant think around my people, like I cant find out what I really want.

when I came back from Japan I was so sure that I dont want to and I shouldnt stay in Berlin. I knew, I needed to change cities. and then.. I dont want to blame it on other pleople, but then she got so suicidal that I thought, whats worse, living here, giving what I can, or leaving and living with the guilt? I know and I was told that this was the wrong motive to stay, but I did and I got comfortable here.

The question is, is leaving just running away? or is leaving the healthy thing to do for me, with my way of being and with my circle being a bit.. co-dependent. どうするの？