#maybe I just needed to share
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When I was a child I was struggling at school, and I was unhappy, so my parents started taking me to a therapist. I ended up telling this therapist that I wanted to be a girl. I hadn’t heard the term transgender yet, but I knew I wasn’t a boy.
This therapist told me that it was a fetish. It was my first time hearing the word fetish. She told me that wanting to be a girl was something bad that I should be ashamed of. I was told not to tell my parents because they would be disgusted, and that if anyone found out it could ruin my life.
I held onto that shame for a decade until my senior year of high school when a transgender student started going to my school. I never met her, but I saw her around, and heard people talk about her. This was a transwoman living her life openly and publicly. She was doing the very thing that I was told would ruin my life, but her life didn’t seem ruined. She had friends, and seemed happy. Happier than me.
A year later in October 2013 DC comics published Batgirl #19 by Gail Simone. In this issue Batgirl’s roommate Alysia Yeoh came out to batgirl as a transwoman. Batgirl was so loving and accepting in that moment. My favorite superhero didn’t see anything wrong with being transgender. I sat at my computer reading peoples reactions and reviews to this comic for hours. I sent the author an anonymous message on tumblr thanking her for helping me find the strength to love myself.
I still had a long way to go before I was able to come out, but these things helped me start to heal. This is why visibility and representation are so important. Seeing another trans person in real life, and seeing trans people in the media I was consuming helped me be less afraid, and helped me hate myself less. In october 2019 I started HRT at 25 years old. Nearly 5 years later I’m happier than ever, and I love life.
#tw: transphobia#transphobia#idk why I felt like writing about this today#but I felt compelled to talk about this#maybe I just needed to share
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I wish she had more scenes... Whateva
#dungeon meshi#rinsha fana#kabru#tumatawart#dont tag as ship#? Do people still use that these days#**SPOILERS in the tags I will ramble a little.**#I like how they have opposite ways of thinking with their shared environment shaping them greatly. I wanted them to talk about it together#Kabru just separates from the group for the rest of the series when the Canaries arrive without any reaction and I was like What...#Maybe briefly entrusting Rin as the party leader since in his eyes she's the most reliable... Having her do things her way.#Not necessarily showing how they fare. Thatd get messy but a slight change in dynamic after they come back together in the finale dinner#Maybe I need to reread I might be missing something u__u
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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while ago I watched hunchback with some friends and could not escape how clopin-coded the dca is. so here are his two sides as their two sides. I held off on uploading because I wanted to get these past semi-cleaned up stages but idk if that'll ever happen so I'm throwing them here now.
#my art#fnaf dca#dca fandom#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#dca sun#dca moon#daycare attendent#fnaf sb#dca au#juukai art#I'd love to do more of them/get these cleaned up I've just got other stuff I need to work on lmao#maybe I'll return to this later#I fucking love clopin#pretty sure I didn't share these yet?? idk my memory is terrible guys plz excuse if I have#yes these are all stills redraws
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Doing master studies the only way I know how: Stealing them and making them my guys.
(Barberini Faun)
(The Fallen Angel - Alexandre Cabanel)
(Covent Garden - William Bruce Ellis Rankin)
#obviously. not actually theft...#i was gonna say these are public domain but covent garden actually isnt yet#it will be. in two years.#thats the most different one though like i added a whole new guy..#maybe not the most different. barberini faun is pretty different i just took the post#pose#its barely even a study. thats not true#but. what was i saying.#oh its not theft it's study... the purpose is to learn!!! but also. if im gonna spend like 2 days on something...#its GONNA be my guys#otherwise. idk. i only want to spend 30 or so minutes per study#just to get the notes down and the practice for the skill im working on#i dont get all that much more out of completely rendering a master study. PERSONALLY.#at least definitely not enough to be worth taking 100x longer#but making them my characters makes it worth going all the way!!!#plus it's good practice w like. not just going 1:1 but actually genuinely interpreting whats there so i can manipulate it...#again. personally. this is just how i worm#WORK#youd better worm bitch#uhm... anyways yeah. ive done lots of study but why TF share it LMAO i dont even save it#its just to learn. ive got 1 million other drawings to save and look at later.#once the learning is done it's done its job and i have no need anymore#this is why the only studies i have are from school. i had to save and upload them#well. ok also i dont study as much now BUT in my defense im a full time artist#an hour or so a week is different ok im learning while working too.. i learned how to learn and i do it all the time now#master studies#digital art#my art#illustration#my ocs
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just wanted to make a color ref for Brain Therapist Magneto from 309 but i needed lights too for some reason
bonus The Flats Only Version
#xmen#erik lehnsherr#magneto#xmen comics#snap sketches#why did half of my beginning tags just get neutralized. tf. now i have to retype them and this tag'll make no sense#anyway 'have you done literally anything but think about 309 since you read it' no . apparently vJARLKAJKL#BUT YEAH I JUST WANTED A COLOR REF IF IM GONNA DRAW THIS LOOK MORE OR WHATEVER#i dont know if i like the yellow dress shirt + pink tie combo ... that's inspo'd from his new mutants headmaster suit + tie..#why does he have to wear a suit under the coat huh .. the thing is i have no idea if he's supposed to be wearing a dr's coat or a trench#i mean he briefly wears his magneto suit when scolding charles so maybe it is a doctor's coat....#doctor makes the most sense to me considering the context so thats why i went all white but... now im not so sure ...#UGH stupid beautiful comic had to be in monochrome. or limited colors whatever#anyway i did start some doodles cause i wanted to post a few 309 doodles but. hm.#i think i might make a separate post for it ... it may be a lil inapropro !!!!#i wanted a color ref in the first place because i was thinking about making a 309 comic but like#now that i think of it if i do that i might jsut do the blue/black thing they did in the actual comic..#idk the thing im doodling now i might do in full color. just for fun#tbh maybe i wont do that comic after i doodle this.. no im lying i still will i still have visions i wanna put in front of my eyes#i can only fall asleep thinking about it so much i need it tangible#if i do draw it i prob just wont post it or ill just share it with select friends. aka like. one vjAELKVJEAKJ#but that's like months from now lbr ok ill still share crumbs with you all !!!!! gimme like. five hours vJALKJAKL#ok bye !!!!!!!!! please enjoy therapist magneto in the meantime#you will not get better as an individual you will get worse
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More dude and bruh texts
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Cross Sans#Epic Sans#Kross ship#Kinda? Implied maybe?#These two share a bed regardless of relationship. I've just decided#Maybe implied krepic? Because Wick is in my head lol#Epic's collection of pictures of Killer sleeping on Cross grows#He has a whole album on his phone and if Cross knew he would probably combust#Anyway I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep and my brain would NOT let go of this idea#Drawing this like I'm exorcising the thought out of my head lol#Epic doesn't wanna sleep because nightmares but he does wanna use his bro like a bodypillow real quick#Killer's doing it like every night he must be missing something#Speaking of. Nightmare did see and he does not care#He thinks nothing of sharing a bed because they all do it constantly so this must be normal#His reaction was ''oh good you can wake Killer and tell him too''#And assumes the immense embarrassment coming off Cross is cause he got caught sleeping#TW suicide#Cross is just being dramatic but y'know just to be safe#This is the 3rd thing I've started drawing that involves Killer and Cross and cuddling#I need to finish and post the other two still but this is becoming a pattern lol#Anyway I have to do a shot of cold medicine and go be at work 🎉
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[Day 312] Just lil doodle, wanted to draw them :3
#dddaily4sherin#desert duo#isdoodles#hotguy#cuteguy#dont question the physics idk either LOL maybe cg is grabbing a railing up there or hes just on his way downwards#also ignore all the mistakes HELPELE man i need to practice anatomy more </3#also *2 i AM cooking smth bigger o7 maybe i can finish it tmr but i couldnt share it tdy bc scar isnt done yet LMAO
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yknow what. I wanna say: CSA and COCSA survivors are all incredible, but I also wanna give a shout out to ppl who were exposed to sexual stuff or had any kind of sexual experience as a kid that they either aren't comfortable labelling as or don't consider abuse, but they know it still fucking sucked and shouldnt have happened. Even if that changes later in life and you identify as a victim/surivor, it can be messy to have to imagine those labels applying to the ppl in ur life and that can take time.
The most important thing is to prioritize your recovery + health, and to support other victims + survivors.
#COCSA ment#CSA ment#This is like. V personal and venting (maybe over sharing)#It's. I'm going to be honest recent discussion really brought this back into my brain aaughhh. Not in a bad way necessarily#Just. I know I've had experiences that I think others might label this way and I struggle to really understand that#Beyond the gut feeling of ''it doesnt count'' there's the understand that I might be denying it bc of shame or even just. The fact I have#An internal definition of it that excludes myself. And that I don't want to imagine the other ppl as 'abusive' and I don't think they had#The intent to hurt me. And the fact in one situation I know none of us understood boundaries or consent bc we didn't#Actually talk with adults about what like. Sex and sexuality meant so all out fucking context was porn. And just idk#I have specific experiences but those Memorable Incidents were just part of a larger pattern of me learning Abt sex young#And then failing to get proper sex ed for years. And the internet. And the Fucking Internet#(fanfic is like. Anti sex ed. 70% just the fucking worst shit to internalize 30% ''hey this is actually Okay'')#Sex Ed... Like in school... Needs a fucking HEAVY overhaul but it's still better than nothing usually
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waow 2024 is almost dead!!! gone too soon. feels like it’s been a big year for me art-wise for many reasons, BUT. i’m making 2025 bigger.... hopefully....i’ve made some art goals for next year which i won’t explain in detail but they boil down to 1) do more studies 2) tackle my weaknesses (backgrounds, dynamic poses/angles, uhhh lots of stuff i am a one trick pony right now) 3) get into drawing comics, all of which are in preparation for 4) take my story ideas more seriously and get started on one of the many graphic novels living in my head. i have one in mind i HAVE to complete in my lifetime or i will die, but firstly i’m gonna mess around with some little standalone svanhildr comics perhaps. goat fans rejoice.
anyway i wasn’t meant to ramble so i’ll just say THANK YOU for the support as always!!! i’m very flattered all of these have more than 1000 notes.....crazy. thank you. muah
#tumblrtop10#my art#looking forward to 2025 i really really REALLY REALLY want to get stuck in with my story ideas.....#my main passion project i'm more and more leaning into not even sharing i cannot lie. it's very personally made for ME to love and enjoy#and i suck at a lot of what i'd need to draw for it (humans interior backgrounds and an art style that's at least a little gritty)#GOD it's been taking over my mind so much i want to gnaw on it but it's in my head#so maybe i'll just do a first draft for me and me alone and when i'm in my 30s and maybe better at those things i can draw it finally#actually one of the characters for that features here hiii mockley!!! coming in at number 2 most popular of 2024 i'm so proud of her#her design's come a long way i'm kind of super happy with her as always <3 i love you my repressed old woman dinosaur#ALSO i'm SOOOOO excited about a character i made recently i can't wait to share her with the world#she's been a LONG time coming....my goirl.....#i will hopefully show her off in the new year#ALSO no one will see this i'm sure but thank you to my commissioners for the patience#i have now finished my break and will continue drawing
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So I've recently realized that murderbot's been translated into my native language and it's apparently a he in the translation (which admittedly makes sense, because it's a heavily gendered language and 1. gender-neutral language doesn't really exist in general and 2. "bot" and all the related words - I believe they use "droid" for mb in the translation - are grammatically masculine).
It made me curious how it's been handled in other translations though!
*e.g. being referred to by multiple gendered nouns/pronouns depending on the context, like both "bot" (masculine) and "machine" (feminine).
#Tmbd#Murderbot#Murderbot diaries#the murderbot diaries#I'd also love to hear about ART too. I've heard some languages have different solutions for mb and ART (maybe because ART is 'ship/vessel"?#And about your languages if you're willing to share#Also I'm not gonna like this makes me feel kinda ugh.#Because mb Not wanting to be a part of the stupid made up human gender system is important to me okay#But also. It's genuinely a difficult problem to solve language-wise in some languages#Like using a pronoun like “it” is technically possible (even though it's very dehumanising to actual humans) but it also#Doesn't work grammatically in connection to nouns which are all inherently gendered#Also all the adjectives and verbs are gendered too#Like every time mb says “I said” or “I did X” those verbs will need to be grammatically gendered#so the translator's hand is kinda forced. They have to make a decision in order to translate the text#Anyway#Mostly just curious i guess#Herr's personal tag
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arrives 15 min late with a latte
......sup
#yosuke hanamura#persona 4#cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags#fellas im surprised hes here and done#did not think that was gonna happen#fuck i forgot smth#eh ill fix it before i make my print#anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i#yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell#i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him#also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1#bc i wanna do this in gold foil#and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell#but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1#my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・#so whatever gets done will get done#also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao#if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr#so uh yeah yeehaw#idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years#im not fucking kidding#the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned#hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako#boys lucky to hit top 5#he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either#maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it#nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is#ill do better by the women i promise
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I love your jayvik fics, and I am suuuuuper stoked and looking forward to your jayvik fantasy au!
I am very glad for all the compliments and recognition you get because you write so well, you deserve it. I hope you have a nice day!
you are the sweetest thank for taking time out of your day to tell me! and the kindness I've received from you and others really means so much. it's hard to put into words what these past few weeks have done for me.
so happy you're excited for the fantasy AU. since I'm almost done with the first draft of Chapter 1, here are a couple of sillier snippets teeeheee.
Road trip games
Horse girl Jayce
Vi with priorities
Magical pain medicine induced first impressions before loading jayce onto a stretcher
#sorry whenever someone says they're excited about the fantasy AU i get ahead of myself and decide to share something DKSFHJDLKj#its still so wowowwowo exciting that there's excitement about it like HELLO#ask bee#as you can tell for dialogue i'm keeping it pretty loose and modernized but hopefully not too egregiously distracting#but i'm working on it i'm tweaking it a bit#nearing the first draft's end doesn't mean too much in terms of time#i really want to take my time with this one. and i have some more world building i still need to do but sometimes i get impatient and need#just start#we're definetly looking at mid february ish is my guess maybe a little earlier#really hard to tell at this point !#bee writes#to carry the blade snippets
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Partial hand bank for Elias from my files. Some flats and some finished/lit ones, so good stuff with light differences!
#solivaga#my art#pu art#artists on tumblr#hands#art reference#art resources#drawing resources#like a weird fusion of milt kahl and sailor moon hands#he needs to go full Other Mother hands maybe#this is only a small portion of the sheet I have saved for myself to re-use and reference#but thought I'd share it since I was adding some new ones#it sucks not being able to use my own hands as reference#my little rat stubs don't do the trick#also please if you do anything like a comic that's very art heavy#don't be afraid of making and using character banks#it's your own art it's not cheating to compile pieces for reuse or reference#save yourself a ton of time and trouble and just have it around just-incase
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I will admit I'm a little salty that people, in an effort to prove that there is no good dialogue in Veilguard at all, keep comparing mission exposition to the high point narrative set pieces of prior games. I agree that some of the writing related to plot mechanics and mission exposition in Veilguard is a little too utilitarian, but that doesn't mean none of the dialogue is good or that prior games didn't also sometimes have this issue here and there.
I also generally dislike when people put the bar for good writing — and all writing too, not even just dialogue writing, ALL writing — at mic-drop sentences that still sound good completely divorced from context, because that really just reduces "good writing" down to like fake-deep philosophizing or witty quips exclusively. sometimes, a really good bit of dialogue sounds like a completely normal sentence out of context.
#Also writing includes what's on the screen! The castling scene is good writing! Rook struggling to hold onto the statues AND the dagger?#The Siege of Weisshaupt is good writing! It is writing when Rook opens those doors to see Ghilan'nain and realizing oh this is....#Blood of Arlathan! But like just going back to dialogue writing#I think a lot about that INCREDIBLE bit of dialogue in Psych where Shawn say “Since I met you‚ I've been thinking about getting a car.”#Which is a perfectly normal sentence out of context but it makes me so warm bc I know the context#“That he forgives me. And that I deserve it.” is an INCREDIBLE moment that NEEDS its context#“What did we sign up for?” “Love‚ I think.” is another one#But even if we were to just go for Veilguard lines that are still great out of context? It has those?#I see all of you into “There is no fate but the love we share” which IS a great quote#“He is loyal to nothing but his own fears” and “The gods! They give strength but all they ask in return is everything”#“Regret is even strong enough to serve as the lock on a prison built to hold gods. But such a prison can hold any captive... even you.”#“Everything dies. People‚ cities‚ empires. Fashions. Your favorite song. Things fade and are forgotten. [cont.]#Why would you want to outlast everything you love? It sounds like a terrible fate.”#“Do you really think something inside you has changed?” “It's possible. Or maybe we're the same. But does that mean we'll BE the same?”#“The cost of mercy is too high when others may die in its wake.”#and so on and so on and that's just stuff I remember off the top of my head#DATV things
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At 25:00 in Akasaka Episode 9
#25 ji akasaka de#at 25:00 in akasaka#25時、赤坂で#japanese bl#bl drama#esmetracks#rosygifs#rosygifsjbl#rosygifsat25.00#should I be packing instead of giffing more of this show?#maybe#but I have to get it out of my system#and honestly I just need to share the pain#because sharing is caring
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