#He has a whole album on his phone and if Cross knew he would probably combust

[somegrumpynerd]

More dude and bruh texts

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Glassine

Glassine is the musical moniker of Baltimore-based producer Danny Greenwald. Greenwald’s most widely known release to date is probably 2015’s No Stairway, an album crafted out of field recordings taken inside the retail chain Guitar Center. His most recent release is Radial,a collaboration with Horse Lords drummer Sam Haberman, reviewed in last month’s Dust. Tim Clarke wrote that Radial “veers between malfunctioning electronica (“Up, Together, Reach”), throbbing ambient drone (“St. Pete”), clattering percussive workouts (“Brushes in Woodstock”), and what could almost pass as vaporwave (“Behind a Seatbelt”).” For Greenwald’s contribution to Listed, he chose 10 things that have inspired him other than Nirvana.

Pink Floyd — “Bike”

I used to hang out with this guy in high school who ate a lot of acid. Now he is a Hasidic Jew. We were close. He made high-quality iron-on decals with a fancy printer he had sent to a church across the street because he bought it with a stolen credit card. He made a t-shirt that said on the front, “I’ve got a mouse and it hasn’t got a house, I don’t know why I call him Gerald.” And on the back, it said, “he’s getting rather old but he’s a good mouse.” When I first heard the song “Bike” I thought it was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. It’s obviously brilliant and I was a dumb kid and Syd Barrett is my favorite guitarist. Watch him shred.

Jason Urick — Husbands

Husbands by Jason Urick

The first show I ever enjoyed that only used a laptop was Jason Urick performing in some warehouse in Baltimore. I would go see him play in various other venues with unclean floors, but I’d usually lie on my back toward the front. Everyone would stand kind of far back from Jason and his laptop in the way you’re probably picturing, but I would lie down. His seamless textural transitions are a guiding light. I listened to Husbands on headphones 1,000,000 times lying on my back. In bed, usually.

The Microphones — Mount Eerie

When I first heard this album, it blew my mind. I knew all of Phil Elverum’s previous albums, but this was on some whole other trip. It’s my favorite Microphones record. Me and my friend Brian would listen to it in its entirety in his driveway in his small Toyota Yaris in Pikesville, Maryland, at like 3am. I LOVE the line that goes, “you’re soccer balls on knees.”

“I know you’re out there, You’re lanterns on lakes / I know you’re out there, You’re soccer balls on knees... through your skirt I see... your legs gracefully / I know you’re out there, you’re swaying and pleased / I know you’re out there, you’re vultures in trees / I know you’re out there In mountainous peaks.”

Cass McCombs — “AIDS in Africa”

This song taught me an incredible lesson about the usage of metaphor and allusion in songs. Listen to the entire song — then do some research — then think about the line, “Survivor cells are chanting ‘Ali, Bomaye.’” I used to write a lot of words; however the lesson has very much crossed over into how I go about textural arrangements, field recordings, samples, and what have you.

My mom, Donna Greenwald

Outlook, “Anthem Annie”

My mom sang the National Anthem at every Major League Baseball stadium. I’m not a big fan of the song, however I was able to travel across the country on a train because she was able to wrangle corporate sponsorships in the ’90s for her “National Anthem Tour.” Only an amazing lady could pull off something like that. Self-PR in the days of phone books and small-town newspapers. Learn more about Donna Greenwald by listening to this podcast episode I made about her.

Horace Andy — Dance Hall Style

Once when I was 15 or so I walked into The Sound Garden, a record store in Baltimore, and asked what I should listen to. The person walked (almost urgently) to the reggae section in the back of the store and handed me Dance Hall Style on CD. Horace Andy looks so cool on the cover. Also, I intrinsically had a lot of trust in the person who helped me because he also looked very cool. Lyrically, the album is very heady. And his voice is so expressive. The production sounds like outer space in the mind of an extremely sensitive man.

MF DOOM and all of his monikers/collaborations

Daniel Dumile was the cleverest person to walk the earth. He was an insanely talented and underappreciated producer. He was an immense talent and the world is less enjoyable without him. He felt like the most distant stranger that I kind of knew from someplace. He helped me get through some really difficult times.

Own his own throne, the boss like King Koopa On the microphone he flossed the ring (“Super!”) Average emcees is like a TV blooper MF DOOM, he’s like D.B. Cooper

Grateful Dead — Dark Star, Rotterdam Civic Hall, Rotterdam, Netherlands 5-11-72

I grew up on the Dead. Here is a 48-minute version of one of my favorite songs. I don’t have anything more to say about it.

“Shall we go, you and I, while we can through the transitive nightfall of diamonds?”

Panda Bear — Person PItch

Also a great non-album track recorded at The Ottobar in 2007

Person Pitch was a game changer for me. I was already into atmospheric and druggy music that sounded like waterbeds, but this record utilized discernible samples, like skateboards and infants crying. Panda Bear turned all his samples into clay and treated them like weather patterns. I saw him perform at The Ottobar when the album came out. He used two SP303s (which were actually used to record the entire album) and a small mixer on stage with a very organized row of SmartMedia cards. Here is the tour poster hanging in my studio. I colored parts of it because I was working at a summer camp and had unfettered access to an array of markers. Also, I love his voice and Person Pitch is a play on Pet Sounds. That’s cool. Also, WZT Hearts opened and Jason Urick was in that band.

CELESTIAL WHITE NOISE | Sleep Better, Reduce Stress, Calm Your Mind, Improve Focus | 10 Hour Ambient

I fall asleep to this every night.

Björk — Unravel

This is one of my favorite songs. Everything about it. Heartbreaking. The End.

While you are away My heart comes undone Slowly unravels In a ball of yarn

The devil collects it With a grin Our love In a ball of yarn

He’ll never return it So, when you come back We’ll have to make new love

[leaahhh]

songs for snowy january-february nights, sticky bushwick bars, hair that smells like baby powder 

tiny moves by bleachers because the day after i met you that late windy saturday night with several layers too few on and an hour’s notice, i made a spotify playlist titled ‘the tiniest twist of fate.’ i was watching my whole world shake – it felt like a miracle to believe in something again so soon, and i quietly knew it was probably too good to be true. i made the cover art of that playlist a photo of my hand touching the year’s first snow on my fire escape, along with a screenshot of the horoscope app i keep on my phone even though i say i don’t believe in that stuff (i do). it reads, “give yourself permission to love and tremble.” i tried. i spent that month bouncing down the sidewalks like margaret qualley in the song’s music video, feeling so afraid and entirely possible at once. i remember the way my hands shook and the weight of yours on mine. i remember thinking that i was probably getting myself into something i might not be able to handle in the car ride over. i remember crossing streets without looking because i already trusted you best. i don’t know what to do with all this remembering.

snow angel by ruby haunt because i’m a worn out fantasy, i’m too cool to care. you’re a weak philosophy, you’re a blanket stare. 

wait listen by katy kirby because i’m always feeling everything a million times over, but rarely does a song bring me to genuine tears upon first listen. this one did the job. i leaned out of my window and into the biting cold night air, burned my right thigh red on the radiator. it’s a several-times-a-day routine that i stick to religiously, regardless of the pain – every part of my body sick and exposed with one single overblown, scalding, dangerous source barely keeping me warm.

august by bnny the morning i was set to turn in my piece about bnny's upcoming album on an already-extended deadline, you told me you needed more time. some people never change but i’ll change one day. i will listen to this whenever i want to return, the snow packed under my silver shoes, our laughter drowned out by one too many drinks and the train clamoring above us. i am naive; i dive headfirst into any new world someone shows me even a microscopic glimpse into. i had already begun to love yours.

dancing around my tongue by truth club because the words, they sting, dancing around my tongue.

me before you by bleachers and i don’t know how there are two bleachers songs here because i never gave a fuck about this band before. “i think you might love too hard,” my friend said to me one wednesday night, barely looking up from his phone at the table when i returned with bloodshot eyes from a breakdown on his bathroom floor. in two years he has already witnessed me blunder through four heartbreaks and take on some permanent posture of restless sadness. he insists it’s not pitiful, but we all kind of know it is, i think. i see it in their sorry eyes and hear it in my panicked attempts to absolve another’s guilt, time and faulty time again. i can’t stop being wrong; still i’m mortifyingly earnest, childishly hopeful, endlessly forgiving. i’m trying to be colder; still i’m getting more violent.

this is the last time by the national because when i turned over to look at you in the dark and watched you mouth these lyrics with your eyes closed, i knew it was over for me. that morning, i listened to this again, sitting in a sunny patch of a coffee shop, and it started to make more sense. i read a poem that felt like proof of another little miracle, and every other song that came on during my walk home was a divine message. i won’t be vacant anymore, i won’t be waiting anymore. i wish everybody knew what’s so great about you. 

i am easy to find by the national and of course there are two songs by them on here because they are unashamedly my favorite band – you laughed at me when i said matt berninger and i would probably have a lot to talk about. i tattooed these words on my own thigh two winters ago and they keep coming truer and truer each passing year. thank you for being kind to me, i will not forget it. 

hold u by indigo de souza because i’ll still remember you as a good thing.

(if you are reading this: thank you for letting me find you, and for letting me risk reviving the dead reflex of reverence)

[includeangieinthesequel]

Madrigal Headcannons if they were in 2022

I couldn’t shake the idea of them with Tiktok and social media

Isabela and Camilo do Tiktok dances together. They spend hours doing it and laugh whenever Camilo shape shifts into another family member to do a dance. Cause like… how else would they ever see Tia Juieta twerk??

Mirabel taught Julieta how to do TikToks and she blew up sharing recipes and giving advice. She has similar content to Tabitha Brown. Everyone loves her.

Bruno is always walking around mumbling Tiktok sounds. He spent weeks going “That’s a big word for Elmo”

Isabela listens to Doja Cat. She probably listens to Ariana Grande too.

Luisa’s workout playlist is the best.

Antonio only quotes Tiktoks he hears from his siblings and cousins. Mirabel sometimes posts him on her page giving animal facts.

Luisa likes to vlog. She doesn’t do it every day but she tries to put a video out every week.

Bruno has an old boom box from the 90s to perform his rat rap battles. Camilo keeps trying to tell him to just use his phone but Bruno likes the authenticity of the boom box.

Isabela wanted to shave her head for a while but they were afraid she’d kill Abuela if she did.

Mirabel has the led lights in her room. She changes the color to reflect her mood.

Mirabel sends Abuela Tiktoks just to make her laugh. Abuela only knows how to watch them if Mirabel sends them to her. She thinks it’s sweet that Mirabel only sends her stuff she’ll like.

Isabela and Camilo are both on gay Tiktok.

Everyone knows when Pepa is stuck in a Tiktok rabbit hole because she laughs so hard it rains and sometimes hard enough to stir up some wind.

Isabela and Camilo can’t drive. It’s the rules. They’re gay.

Felix never drives. He’ll ask Pepa to go somewhere with him and then toss her the keys. She complains every time but she’s always happy to be spending time with him.

Everyone loves when Abuela uses her record player. There’s one song she loves just because the record skips every time. (If you know you know)

Antonio likes to watch nature docs all the time.

Camilo and Bruno watch Cocomelon with Luisa to unwind.

Isabela is convinced she invented iced coffee when she was seven. Pepa is the only one to support this theory. It only happened because Pepa was hailing and some of the ice landed in Isabela’s mug.

Luisa and Agustin like to watch animal videos. They cry all the time.

Abuela plays coloring games on her phone. So does Bruno. They bond over sharing pictures they’ve done.

Felix has a secret SoundCloud. Pepa knows but she’s sworn to secrecy…Julieta and Bruno are also sworn to secrecy. Dolores is also sworn to secrecy.

The triplets discovered Snapchat filters and spend hours taking selfies. It’s really cute. Sometimes they get them printed to hang up in their rooms or to go in photo albums.

Isabela’s lockscreen is herself. Queen shit.

Luisa likes to watch cartoons with Antonio and the animals.

Bruno plays Minecraft.

All of the cousins love animal crossing. They trade turnips and stuff all the time.

Sometimes family game nights are on the switch or the bust out the Wii.

Antonio plays Roblox.

The whole family did a murder mystery once. Agustin and Dolores planned the whole thing. Everyone got really into it.

They like to race go karts and are extremely competitive.

Pepa likes Megan Thee Stallion.

Dolores hates that her Mami knows all the words to Wap.

When Bruno was away Julieta used to watch home videos on their birthday. It made her cry every single time. She was afraid to watch them with Pepa because she knew Pepa would get angry just from the hurt she felt.

Mirabel loves YouTube tutorials. So does Agustin.

Luisa is scared of roller coasters but she’ll go on if Mirabel holds her hand.

Isabela definitely dyed her hair with the money pieces in the front. They were pink first then eventually green.

Pepa likes to embarrass Julieta by telling her kids she had an undercut once. Julieta will always deny it.

The triplets have a group chat. It’s called

“PB&J 🥜🧈🍇”

Pepa got called a milf once and asked Isabela what it meant. Dolores was screaming the entire time. Julieta knew what it meant but she wanted to watch it all go down.

Pepa isn’t allowed to watch Titanic.

Antonio ordered a bunch of toys and treats for his animals on Amazon and got his iPad taken away.

Camilo is more of an iPad kid than Antonio.

Luisa writes fanfiction. She’s really popular online.

[ringstarrr]

Stepping outside, she is free

summary: your parents go to your shared apartment to meet ringo for the first time while he's filming the let it be documentary

paring: ringo starr x fem!reader

warnings: spoilers for the get back series, nosy parents, cursing

author's note: this is inspired on "she's leaving home". just wanted to write something for sweet boy ringo. i'm not doing well right now, so i'm focused on writing more frequently to get my mind off of things. send in requests, please!

1969.

You were feeling insecure. Your parents were coming over to dinner to meet Ringo, and you could already hear their judgemental and not-asked for perceptions of your life with your boyfriend. They were coming in the next few hours, but you swore you saw your mother rolling her eyes.

Attempting to avoid most of the bad things they probably would say, you were cleaning and getting everything in place since the early morning. You even woke up before Ringo had to leave for the studio, which he found odd. You were a deep sleeper and liked to sleep in whenever you could, so to see you get out of bed with the birds was a surprise.

"Who died?" He asked, dazed when he walked into the kitchen to you tidying the cabinets. Ringo was fixing his suit on his shoulders. The giggle contrasted the already tired look on your face.

"No one died, Richie." You stopped, putting down the products next to you on the counter you were sitting in, legs bouncing. "Just thought the place needed some cleaning."

"On a Friday morning? Seriously?" Voice filled with disbelief, Ringo didn't believe you for one minute. Crossing his arms as he made his way to you, he continued. "What has got into your head, love?" You giggled once more, relieved to see the little smile that appeared on his lips.

"You know, Rings," you answered with a sigh. Ringo knew how stressed you were about having your parents over even without you telling him about it.

He knew the stories from when you used to live with them. Though he didn't enjoy saying it, he thought your parents were awful and mistreated you, creating a bunch of traumas you carry to this day. And oh, how Ringo cursed the hell out of them for it. That was partially one of the reasons it took so long for him to meet them. He was aware they wouldn't like him or his lifestyle at all, and he didn't like the idea of meeting the people that put you through so much misery. You were okay with it as you also didn't exactly fancy the idea, always telling them Ringo had a busy schedule and couldn't make it - yet now he didn't, and thanks to the papers, they knew about it.

Throughout January, Ringo would be making a new record with The Beatles for their new documentary directed by Michael Lindsay-Hogg - and he would also start filming a new movie next month. You two believed it was the best idea to do it that Friday since the band was still in the first days of recording and didn't have much done yet. So you told your parents it was okay for them to visit on the 10th.

"C'mon, love. You know your parents aren't going to like any of this anyways," the boy moved his hands to hold yours. Ringo kissed your knuckles, staring at you longingly. "This week's been rough at Twickenham. Can't we postpone it?" He carried on with the pecks on your hands, moving up your arms.

"If we postpone it one more time, I think my mother will straight-up yell at me over the phone," you laughed nervously. You comprehended how tired Ritchie was - the whole relationship between the lads was crumbling right before their eyes. Ringo usually had the peacemaker role, trying to make it work even with the tension around them. But that was until the White Album's sessions a few months before. He felt so isolated and disconnected from the others so he left the group, coming back after a couple of days. Ringo was a chill and easy-going guy, and the mediator role was still his, yet things were different. It looked like he had to navigate Paul and John downplaying George's ideas and contributions. They were treating Ringo a little nicer since he walked out during the sessions of their previous record, yet, George's work was still neglected and put down. The man was treated like a younger brother with little to no knowledge - and that pissed Ringo off.

The blue-eyed man smiled lightly at you, his hands covered with expensive rings moving to caress your face. He was tired. The bags under his eyes made it way more evident. "Don't want that happening," Ringo erupted his soft giggle, you joining in. "Have a good day at work, darling," he said with a kiss on your forehead.

"You too, Ritchie," you whispered back as you stroked his hair, Ringo's eyes shut for a moment. "Blow their minds, love." That made him beam like a little kid, and you knew that smirk too well.

"I'm only planning on blowing you, pretty thing," he winked, and you laughed, a tint of pink in your cheeks. Ringo connected your lips, holding your face tightly as you two kissed for the first time that day. He enjoyed taking his time to kiss you properly and to make you feel all mushy inside. If there was one thing Ringo certainly wanted was for you to be happy - all the time, for clarification. Once he was standing by the door, keys in hand, the drummer smiled at you again. "See you later then, baby. Love you."

"Love you too," you blew him a kiss, and after capturing it in the air, Ringo left.

Before it was time for you to catch the bus for work, you had cleaned the kitchen and the living room. Even though it was unnecessary, it was good for your mind to be at ease during the day at the office. Your nerves were in control, thank God, but you had a feeling something was wrong. You couldn't point out what it was, but you felt it once you came back from your lunch break. Something was off, and it was frustrating.

Did something happen to your parents? To Ringo? Did someone actually die? Have you done something wrong? Was one of your friends in danger? Did you forget something? You thought it through a lot as you did your tasks for the day, and no answer came. Not a sign from God. No light at all.

Your guts were telling you a piece of information you couldn't understand, and that had your mind spiralling. Out of your intuition, you silently wished and prayed Ringo was okay. Your heart was tight in your chest as the time to leave the office reached. You tried to shake it off, thinking it was probably nothing.

Back to your shared apartment, you took a shower and began getting dressed up for the evening. A sweet baby-blue dress down to your calf paired with black heels and soft makeup. After putting on Ritchie's favourite perfume of yours, you moved to the kitchen. You started cooking the meal for the unfortunate event, pasta with pesto sauce.

The table was ready since the morning, as you did so to make things easier once you got home. You took that as an opportunity to put the crystals and glasses on the dining table, choosing a wine Ringo liked to accompany the evening. Your insecurities were high, and the unsettling feeling didn't wash off, but you were making a good impression that you had your shit together.

Yet, the glass of wine in your hand could argue otherwise. You were a bit tipsy when the doorbell rang. Putting everything on a minimum level on the stove, you breathed in and out before opening the door.

"Hi," was what managed to get out of your mouth, an embarrassed expression on your face.

"Is that all you have to say, (y/n)?" Your mother said with an arrogant tone, eyebrows up, pushing herself into the apartment, your father following suit. You closed the door, shutting your eyes for a few seconds to get you on your feet.

"What do you mean, mom?" You moved to put on a record to have a distraction, to avoid making it so weird and aggressive. After putting on Out Of Our Heads by The Rolling Stones, you noticed your mother's hands on her hips and already disapproving look as she stared at you. Your father was checking the portraits on the walls. "Do you want something to drink?" You walked back to the kitchen, hearing her high pitched heels following you.

"I'll want you that wine of yours, sweetheart," your father said mindlessly from the living room. Turning the stove off, you filled him a glass. He thanked you with a nod, not even looking at you.

You took a long sip of your drink, moving to put the meal on a casserole set at the centre of the table. Your mother still was following you, sitting in front of you at the table. "You ran away, (y/n). All for that-" she cut herself, thinking of what to say. "That drummer boy."

Chewing the insides of your cheeks, you responded. "No, mother. I left so I could live a life of my own. Ringo was out of the country at the time, but you don't remember that," and it was true. Ringo was in the USA for their American tour, and your mother knew it very well since she was the one that got the letters from the postman every time. Your voice showed how the subject wasn't your favourite.

"Don't act all smart, missy!" You had to control the urge to roll your eyes. "We did everything for you, you ungrateful brat! You-"

The front door cut off the discussion. Ringo was home, and by the strong smell of cigarettes and his pained expression, your instincts were right. Something had happened. You saw the old woman shrink at the smell from the corner of your eye. You gulped down harshly.

"Good evenin', folks," Ringo tried to speak with an excited voice, yet it sounded annoyed. He smiled tiredly at you, strolling to sit beside you. Interested now, your father came to sit next to your mother. "Hi, love," he muttered and pecked your lips.

"When did you meet my daughter, Mr Starkey?" Of course, your mother would treat him like this. Your hand went to hold his under the table.

"It was in 1964," Ringo squeezed your hand and began making himself a plate. "She looked out worldly, so I tried to start a conversation." He beamed fondly at you, your face reddening. "You have a lovely daughter, miss. But I think you already know that."

"She'd be a better one if she walked the line." She was stern, eating bitterly. You bit your lower lip nervously, thinking you taste blood.

"But can you blame her, though?" Ringo's eyebrows were upon his forehead, hand going back to hold yours.

"I'm sorry?"

"Everyone deserves to live their lives, be happy," you clutched his hand with everything in you. "Unfortunately for you, (y/n) needed to get out and live by herself." Ringo continued to eat like nothing was going on.

The woman was too stunned to speak, sharing looks with her husband, who just shrugged his shoulders in response. She cleared her throat before speaking again.

"Richard," you held in a chuckle. It amazed you how she couldn't even call him by his nickname. "Do you have any plans for when this Beatle thing ends?" That seemed to send him over the edge. Ringo emitted a nasty short laugh, his hold in your hand stronger. The man's face was twisting in anger.

"A few, yeah. We're getting married, for starters." Sensing your wide-eyed gaze, Ringo stroked your hand gently. He was asking you to marry him - more like telling you, frankly - in front of your parents? You were amazed.

"You were going to marry this man without me even meeting him?" Your mother was once again astonished, while your father just looked disgusted.

"Well, miss," he cackled dryly, "now you know me," Ringo said with a sly smile, sipping the wine. It was funny to see how your mother couldn't close her mouth, utterly shocked.

After that, the dinner went silently. The Rolling Stones' record had stopped long before your parents got up to leave, thanking you for the meal and for inviting them. Locking the door and slipping out of your heels, you turned to Ringo. He was looking through your vinyl collection, eventually holding a copy of The Supremes' Reflections.

"So we are getting married now?" You crossed your arms, shoes in hand. Ringo smirked, putting the album on the victrola. He gestured for you to cuddle him on the couch. You laid on top of him, face in his chest.

"I wanted to piss your ma' off," he laughed, holding you close and kissing your hair. "But honestly, I'd love to."

"Me too," you responded after a while, running your fingers over his arm. He held even tighter, making you giggle. "And what happened? You look exhausted, honey," concern was wall over your voice. Ringo went quiet, stroking your hair.

"George left the band," he told you eventually. You noticed the sorrow in him. Looking up, you caught him crying silently. "I wish John and Paul wouldn't be so over themselves, you know?" You nodded, though you didn't know how they acted in those circumstances, yet you didn't doubt Ringo. It wasn't the first time the Lennon/McCartney duo made your boy feel like this, and it's poor enough to acknowledge there had been worse situations. Ringo's self-esteem wasn't the best, and there were times the boys didn't do much to help him, if not at all.

Stroking his cheeks and whipping the tears away, you planted soft kisses in his hands, trying to calm him down. "And do you want to talk to George, sweetie?" Your fingers moved to caress his scalp, smiling when Ritchie began purring like a little kitten.

"Yeah, of course," he purred as his face was now in the crock of your neck. "But for now, I'm going to cuddle you," he giggled against your skin, causing a wave of tingles up your spin. "And what do you say we get married?"

[lucifers-clown]

Stood Up

Lucifer Morningstar x reader.

Warnings: Angst angst angst, mentions of drinking and arguing.

Request: Can I request a lucifer fic when the reader thinks he's pulling away or loves Chloe more than them? I just want to see lucifer mess up and grovel for forgiveness hahaha. Tysmmmm!

A/N: I wrote this listening to the new lil nas x album, it's good I recommend it. This is probably my favorite fic I’ve written. And it's probably the longest too. So enjoy everyone.

Summary: Lucifer has spent all his time with Chloe lately, does he even care about your marriage anymore.

You were glad Lucifer had managed to weasel his way onto the LAPD, in your 3 years of marriage you realize Lucifer could use a stable job. What you weren’t glad about was the fact he was prioritizing Chloe over you. Even when it didn’t come to things involving work. You thought Chloe was cool, so you couldn’t even bring yourself to be angry at her, she didn’t control your husband.

It started small, missing some dates to help her with cases over time, no biggie. But then it was not coming home until past midnight, and leaving before you even had time to drink a cup of coffee. His little text he’d send you at work became sparse, then none. At this moment the clinginess you had once found annoying, has become something you pissed badly. Coming home became something you dreaded because the penthouse would be empty.

But today, looking up, you were able to get a grasp on Lucifer for more than 10 minutes, and planned a small date night at one of your favorite restaurants. You were elated, finally some time your husband, you didn’t even care if he talked about Chloe and work the whole time.

You picked a cute little outfit, something on the fancy side, because it was a rather formal restaurant. You and Lucifer had agreed to meet at the restaurant. You fixed your hair, fixed your face up a bit. Took an uber to the restaurant, and walked in practically bouncing with joy. And sat at the table for two you had reserved.

And then he was 5 minutes late, then 15, then 30. You felt like a fool, you had practically finished the bottle of wine you ordered waiting for him. When the clock had shown he was an hour late, you gave up and asked for the check. And once you got into the uber to go home, you received a text from him. It read

“So sorry love, I won’t be able to make it, I’ll make it up to you I promise.”

You could just about have crushed your phone in your hand, you were so mad. He may be immortal but if you could get your hands on he would be dead in ten minutes or less.

Walking into Lux, you greeted Maze while crossing through. She could see the look of sadness on your face.

“Don’t tell me he flaked on you? For his safety you better answer no.”

“Maze I sat there for an hour, I looked so stupid! Honestly I’d be okay if you threw him around a bit.”

“Really?”

“No, because I’m trying to be the better person, but my patience is really, REALLY, wearing thin.”

“Well Y/N just let me know if you want to come home dickless, I’d be glad to do the job.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You smile at her, and head onto the elevator.

You enter your deary, dead, penthouse. You walk over to the bar, and take a shot of vodka. and head off to the bathroom, to have a good shower cry. You change into your pajamas, grab some blankets, and crash onto the couch. Because right now you did not want to share a bed with him.

You hear the elevator open up at about 1ish, as it disturbs you from your sleep. You don’t get up to greet him, you don’t stir.

“Y/N what on earth are you doing on the couch.” He glances down at your supposedly sleeping form. He goes to gently shake your shoulder but you move away. “Now what's that for?”

“What do you think!” you shout and shoot up, startling him a bit. “Lucifer you made me look like a fucking fool tonight!”

“I told you I’d make up for it! You know I am a busy person Y/N, I'm Sorry for missing one measly date!” He shouts back.

You throw yourself off the couch. “One Lucifer? One? It's more like Six at this point! I hardly see you anymore! You have no time for me!” You shout back. You can feel tears welling up but you didn’t want to descend into sobs so you hold them back.

“Chloe’s my friend I can't just leave her hanging! Why are you being so selfish! I’m trying to juggle things and you're not making it easy!”

“And I’m your fucking wife! If you can’t make at least an hour for me, how the hell is this marriage supposed to work!” You cry. You descend into sobs and fall back onto the ouch. Bringing your hands over your head you cry. You feel Lucifer down beside you, and he begins to rub your back and pull you close. Once you begin to calm down, he speaks.

“I’m sorry darling, I didn’t realize how much I’ve been spending at LAPD.” He says in a soothing tone. “I’m sorry love I truly am, I’ll stop working over time, hell I’ll even quit, I can’t lose you. Nothing's working destroying the marriage with the love of my life over.

“Don’t quit your job Luci, I just want my husband back.” You choke out and look him in his eyes. You look at his saddened face, he looks like he's gonna begin crying too.

“You’ll have him back and more I promise. I’ll do anything to make these past couple of weeks up.” He says and runs his hands through your hair. He pulls you to your chest. Not caring if your tears will get on his shirt, just wanting you close to him. Listening to his heartbeat so close brings you comfort. Though you were still a little pissed at him, it was nice to just get close to him again.

“Do you promise?”

“You have my word, my love.” he says and places a kiss onto your head. “Would you like to go to bed, so you don’t have to sleep on the couch ?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” you smile at him.

And he suddenly lifts you up bridal style and carries you to the bed. You fall onto it with joining you a second later and he strips down to his underwear. And he brings you into his arms, the warmth something you had missed badly. And in that moment you knew things between the two of you would be okay.

[hes-writer]

Confessions: A ‘Favourite’ Extra

Summary: beatrice graduates and dad!harry is not invited

Warnings: angst!

Word Count: 3305 words

A/N: this is part of the ‘Favourite’ universe :D this scene takes place sometime between the first and second part! please read them before reading this.

Part One | Part Two

_____

Graduation.

Through Beatrice’s 18-years of living, she did not think that the celebration of liberation would be so sour. The day started off like any normal day. That is, except, she did not have to deliberately avoid the areas of the house that her dad, Harry, was in. It was strange that she had to feel uncomfortable in her own home.

For this special event, Beatrice had initially bought only three tickets for Ruby, Caleb and her mum, Y/N. Her dad had a packed schedule of promoting his newest album anyway so Beatrice thought that it wouldn’t even matter. She didn’t think he would want to come anyway. If Beatrice knew anything about her father is that he never really cared much about what went on in her life.

Beatrice supposes that it was okay. She had a whole lifetime to get used to it. A full lifestyle living on the edge because she didn’t know when her dad would clap-back with an insult for no reason. However, it didn’t mean that the spike in pain hurt any less. Don’t get her wrong; she was grateful for Y/N being around and involved. But Beatrice sometimes wondered how it would feel like to be wrapped in a fatherly embrace or be guided with wisdom and courage.

She really couldn’t remember the last time Harry did anything that made Beatrice feel like his daughter. Aside from the family photos they took on during the holidays or when celebrating whatever work achievement he managed to snag--that was the only time where Beatrice would feel Harry’s hand resting on her shoulder.

___

“Can I get one?” Ruby asked, tugging on the coloured strings of Beatrice’s cap. Her small body was being held by her older sister while Y/N took photos of the three siblings.

“Caleb, put your phone away please,” Y/N requested, shaking her head at the way the young boy groaned. Nonetheless, he followed the instruction.

"You’re lucky I love you or I would not have shown up,” Caleb grumbled, offering a sweet smile afterwards to suggest that he was joking. The three siblings posed for the camera, Beatrice trying hard not to let Ruby tilt her square cap.

Between a plastered smile, Beatrice replied, “Probably why dad isn’t here,”

Caleb widened his eyes significantly. Though, it seemed conspicuous to Y/N who was busy figuring out how to brighten the screen.

“That’s not true, sissy. He’s just busy,”

Beatrice chuckled, shrugging off the comforting hand of her younger brother, “Always busy but never when one of you have something going on,”

“It’s just a coincidence,”

“Yeah, sure,”

Caleb frowned at her response, focusing her attention on Ruby’s babbles. He almost spilled the surprise that their dad was going to watch Beatrice cross the stage. Caleb knew how his sisters felt about Harry and he hoped that his appearance would help patch things up between them.

Caleb walked over to Y/N, “Are you sure that Dad’s coming?”

Y/N nodded, “Yes, he said he’s looking for parking now,”

Caleb bit his lip nervously, “Do you think she’ll be surprised?”

——

“Graduate with honours, Beatrice Y/LN,”

Applause filled the venue as Beatrice walked up the steep steps of the stage. A shy smile was placed on her lips when she caught sight of the projector screen showcasing her achievements for her senior year.

In the audience, both Harry and Y/N were confused as to why Beatrice used her mother's name to be announced. The cinch in Y/N’s brow smoothed out when the principal continued speaking. Harry, however, couldn’t help the questioning frown.

“Top Chemistry. Top Biology. Overall Best Science Student. Gold Volunteer Badge. Level 4 Music Theory. Beatrice has been excelling both academically and musically while serving the community,”

Beatrice squinted at the bright lights, placing her diploma and speech on the podium. She had never been good at public speaking. However, her announced name gave Beatrice newfound confidence. It’s just her. All her achievements wouldn’t be credited to her father just because he was Harry Styles.

“Hi, uh,” She cleared her throat, “I’m Beatrice Y/LN and I’m very honoured to be standing in front of you today,”

Her speech was short and to the point; thanking her fellow classmates even though there were very few to thank personally. There were a few jokes in between and some nostalgic memories about various school events throughout the year. Beatrice mentioned remarks to her teachers who helped her achieve high grades. Lastly, she thanked her family for supporting  her

“I’d like to thank my family. My brother, Caleb. My sister, Ruby and my Mum. You guys have been so wonderful to me and I hope that I made you proud,”

Y/N was tearing up with a hand clasped over her mouth. She could not believe that her oldest daughter was off to university in a few weeks. Beatrice’s work ethic was unmatched and it showed in her getting the recognition that she deserved.

There was a pregnant pause before applause filled the space again. Despite switching her name last minute, everyone in her school knew that Beatrice was a Styles kid. They were probably waiting for her to mention him in her speech. But Beatrice felt no need to mention the man that had done nothing for her. He wasn’t even here.

“Thank you and congratulations, everyone!”

Harry slumped lower in his seat. He could feel Y/N’s worried eyes and Caleb’s observant gaze inspecting his face.

____

Beatrice stood beside her family, watching Harry a few metres away who was currently busy attending to the fans that recognized him. Even with his graying hair, many parents greeted him with a reminiscing statement about how they ‘saw him in concert back in the day’, to which he would chuckle at and proceed to converse for a few minutes until their child--Beatrice’s age--tugged them away.

All that Beatrice wanted to do was to get home and interact with her online friends. She had mentioned that she was graduating today and they were all very proud of her. Beatrice would rather take the peace and quiet of her own room than a bustling party.

“You’re invited,” Emma, a popular girl, stated while handing her a piece of paper with all the details of the party. Beatrice mumbled a hushed ‘thanks’, despite knowing that she wouldn’t even attend it in the first place.

“Are you going, Tris?” Y/N asked, holding Ruby’s hand so the youngest child would not get lost in the crowd.

Beatrice shook her head ‘no’, explaining that there was no point.

“I don’t know anyone there anyway,”

She was kind of a loner, but Beatrice was happier by herself anyways. “Besides, I don’t think dad will agree. It’s way past curfew,”

Y/N nodded in understanding. The curfew set for their eldest child was at nine in the evening. Y/N was sure that Harry would be lenient to let Beatrice go; it was her graduation after all. Sooner or later, Beatrice would be leaving for university.

____

Beatrice should be grateful. She should be happy, yet somehow those emotions were non-existent to her brain right now. She should be smiling, eyes brimming with tears because her dad actually cared to throw a party for her. But all she could feel right now was a pure disappointment and agonizing anger because Beatrice knows that he was trying to make up for years of mistreatment.

At this moment, the rowdiness of the party only proved that Harry really did not know anything about Beatrice. She did not know over half the people here, aside from the few relatives they see during the holidays; her grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. The rest were recognizable from Harry’s industry. Beatrice swore she saw Lizzo sipping a cup of liquor in their kitchen.

Aside from the initial greeting of ‘congratulations’, paired with the large banister taped on the foyer of the house, this party wasn’t much of a celebration based on Beatrice’s milestone in life. If anything, it looked like a regular get together for celebrities and industry people. Frankly, she had no interest in interacting with them. As rude as it may sound, the swirling turmoil of emotions beginning from her stomach made Beatrice push past the packed crowd with a tight-lipped smile in order to get to her room.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, especially knowing that these people in her house absolutely adored Harry. They saw him as a family man, loved and appreciated by his kids. It wasn’t a complete lie, per se. Beatrice just didn’t have much experience to confirm that he was, in fact, a lovable and caring person.

If she had to put a finger on it, Beatrice was feeling utter disgust. She was disgusted because Harry was the perfect person in their eyes when everything he had shown her was that she was someone that didn’t deserve any of his attention. It felt like this was a celebration of her dad’s façade--he was not actually proud of her. He was just making it seem like he is so he wouldn’t be perceived as the dead-beat dad.

A knock at her door sounded. It was almost as if Beatrice could sense her dad’s presence without turning around to look at who just entered the privacy of her room.

“Tris?” Harry whispered, hesitating on mumbling the nickname. He had never done it willingly before, much less not as bitter as the previous times.

Beatrice swore that she could practically see the venom slithering on his tongue every time he said her name. But maybe that was just her skewed perception.

The chair that she was sitting on creaked as she shifted her weight, leaning her elbows on her desk.

“Why did you even throw a party, dad?”

It was merely a genuine question that held so many underlying meanings. Why now? Why not earlier when there was still hope to fix whatever sort of broken and fucked up relationship they had with each other?

Harry fully stepped into the room, observing the walls decorated with art and artists whom he recognized were his friends. He didn’t realize that she was a fan of Florence Pugh.

He cleared his throat with a fist to his mouth, “I wanted to celebrate your graduation,”

Beatrice internally rolled her eyes, “Did you really? Because you haven’t been there when I needed your help with my homework or assignments or anything. Now,  suddenly you want to act like you were a big part of how I achieved my accomplishments?”

It was a sour realization. It was accurate that Harry refused to help her with schoolwork. He swore that he was busy looking over new options for his upcoming projects. Retrospectively, he might have subconsciously spewed out excuses so that he wouldn’t be able to help his dear daughter.

Beatrice sighed, flattening the balls of her palms against the edge of the sleek wood, pushing the rolling wheels of the chair back. She stood up.

“Just admit it. You threw the party because you felt guilty and you think that somehow, everything will magically be okay between us?” Beatrice shot him a questioning look, chest-puffing when Harry’s lack of words confirmed her theory.

Beatrice propped her feet in the middle of her room, twisting her body so that her back was facing away from the closed-door; from him. She breathed heavily through her nose, lungs rising up and down as she gathered her thoughts.

Unbelievable.

Harry stood with his arms by his sides, staring at his daughter with curious compassion. He did not know what to say, nor did he know how to act because he didn’t take the time to get to know her. He didn’t spend time with Beatrice; nurturing, caring, calming or comforting her because he simply couldn't get over the fact that she was once a person that caused calamity in his life.

“Tris,” Her dad spoke, earning a pinch of her facial expression from the familiarity of the nickname. Yet, it was unfamiliar because Harry used it mundanely.

Beatrice cut him off, “I’ll be leaving for university in a few weeks. You can quit pretending like you care. You say this graduation party is for me but I don’t even know most of the people here!”

The volume of her voice reached a threshold that should warn both of them to keep quiet. However, Beatrice knew that with the hustle and bustle of the celebration going on downstairs—no one would hear her honesty except for her and Harry.

Harry blinked twice, mouth dropping slightly agape. Why did he throw this party? He knew his intentions; he was proud of his daughter. He wanted to show her off to everyone he knew about how intelligent and well-rounded Beatrice was.

The girl continued speaking as if reading Harry’s train of thought.

“This is for you,” She spoke bitterly as if her tongue was left with an odd taste in her mouth. “Showing off a ‘trophy’ daughter who graduated with honours but that doesn’t matter, does it? Nothing I ever do will match what you’ve done.”

The accompanying laugh—albeit, sarcastic— left Harry confused.

“What? No, this is for you. I’m proud of you,” Harry quickly disagreed with Beatrice, gesturing his large hands in a wave to emphasize his words.

She turned around with gentle disbelief; her features were hardened yet Beatrice’s eyes gleamed with hope. She wanted so badly to believe her dad, but his lack of attentiveness to her led Beatrice to roll her eyes at him instead.

“Cut the crap, Dad,”

“Language,” Harry added, pursing his lips when Beatrice scoffed.

“I can’t believe this,” Beatrice muttered, she stared at the ground as if picking out the words to say.

As bad as it sounded, she wanted to hurt her dad the way he did to her. Years of being treated like an unwanted child slowly built up inside of her and Beatrice wanted the pain to end.

“You wanted to be everything so bad that you forgot to be my Dad,”

“I am your dad, Tris,” Harry watched as she walked over to her desk. Fingers cascading the glass picture frame which held a still of their family.

“Don’t you think I know that?” Beatrice turned around, throwing the edged frame on her bed in a fit of anger.

Harry’s brows shot up to his forehead, watching his daughter’s eyes well up with tears.

“You are my dad but you’ve never been one to me! Why is that? Huh?” Beatrice pressed, crossing her arms and digging her fingernails on the skin of her bicep.

“I’m sorry that I took those opportunities away from you. You got movie deals, You had an album coming out. Tours, shows, money—you had everything and I ruined it, didn’t I? As you said, it would’ve been better if I wasn’t born,”

Harry was no stranger to not interrupting someone when they spoke. However, he couldn’t let Beatrice believe the words she spoke.

“Don’t say that! That’s not true,” He stuttered over his words, heart-shattering under the weight of Beatrice’s truthfulness. Sure, he had everything, but it didn’t mean that he was satisfied.

“But you thought about it right? You wondered how different it would be if I wasn’t born at the wrong time. Maybe you would’ve loved me more—like you do Caleb and Ruby,” Beatrice smiled sadly.

She was glad that at least her siblings would not have to experience the searing pain of being unappreciated. They did not deserve to be seen through like a ghost.

“Maybe you would’ve paid more attention to me. Maybe you would have cared that I was hurting every time you showed me nothing but disdain,”

Beatrice used her forearm to wipe away the tears beginning to soak her reddened cheeks. She sighed, plopping down at the foot of her bed, watching Harry look at her with an unreadable emotion on his face.

“You know, It’s not my responsibility to ask why,” Beatrice whispered. Though, she wondered what would have happened if she did question her dad why he looked at her as if she was a burden in his life.

Beatrice’s monologue crescendoed as utter pain cracked her voice every now and then. Her figure slouching as she truly experienced what it was like to let go of the turmoiled affliction soaring through her body.

“I’m your child! You’re the one who’s supposed to be looking out for me. You’re the one who’s supposed to show me what love is supposed to feel like. I’ve always wondered how you’d react if I came home with a boyfriend like all the movies and books talk about. But, all you’ve shown and made me feel was my first heartbreak when you’re supposed to be the one nursing me from it,”

At that point, Harry could not remain the eye contact he shared with his daughter, gazing down at the floorboard in shame.

“You were supposed to scare guys off because I’m your eldest daughter. You’re supposed to protect me from everything that could hurt me, even when it’s irrational because that is what Dads do,”

That same bitter laugh that pierced Harry’s ears earlier echoed again.

“But I guess you never really wanted to become one to begin with. Or maybe just not with me.”

Harry took a few steps back. Her words figuratively churned and twisted his gut. He caught his balance on the doorknob that moved feverishly under his weight. Sure, he didn’t want to be her dad at first. And he had many chances to fix a strained relationship, but he never took them. So really, he had no shield at denying the truth. He was simply a father who failed to be the dad to Beatrice.

“I-I do! I want to be--if you'd let me,” He hated the way his voice became weary.

Despite their differences, Beatrice and Harry both mutually hated the way his tone pinched. The way he had to plead and beg for his daughter’s forgiveness when it seemed to be too late. This could have been avoided if Harry took the chance to become the dad that Beatrice deserved to have. The dad that her siblings--Caleb and Ruby--saw and spent time with while Beatrice watched behind, wondering why she was never treated the way they did.

“For years, I wondered what was wrong with me. I listened to the music that you liked. I asked mum what you enjoyed doing because you never talk to me. I wanted you to see me as a daughter instead of this--this invisible speck that you shrug off your shoulder every time I needed you!” Beatrice cried out, hugging herself for comfort.

The worst part was that she could see Harry’s legs buckle in hesitation to come closer to her or not. He shouldn’t even have to think to comfort his daughter, but he did.

“I wanted you to like me as if I even have to do that in the first place! You’re my dad, don’t you get it? Because I didn’t. I spent so much time being the perfect child in hopes of you giving me an ounce of your attention aside from the face you put on when I walked into the room. Why did you have to treat me this way, huh?”

Tears spilled from her forest-green eyes, identical to Harry’s glazed ones. His mouth parted in retaliation. As if he was plopped in quicksand, Harry had no idea how to defend himself.

“I know that you didn’t want me in the first place but--,” Beatrice sniffled, wiping the salty liquid to her damp temples, “I just wished you treated me like I wasn’t a burden to you,”

_____

[unloved-cadillac]

LMAO an idea has come into my noggin. Levi’s Fem s/o brings home an animal. I’m thinking a cat, but a dog would be fun too. Honestly up to you what animal! It could be a hedgehog for all I care. Anyways, Levi pulls the “I said I didn’t want a pet” act but ends up being VERY attached to the new animal. Like puts a cravat on it, baby talks it, etc. Maybe carries it around when he can. I just see this happening lol. Thanks!

C/n: I loved writing this! Thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

——————————————————————————

A Turn of Events. (Levi x Reader)

The day quickly turned to night in the city of Sina as a young couple walks on the sidewalk. “Honey, I’m thinking about getting another car.” You say and Levi looks at you. “Another car? Why?”

“Well, I need to get another one. It’s costing the same as a new car so might as well just get another one.” You sigh and take Levi’s hand and lean on his shoulder. “I wish life wasn’t so expensive.” You say and he kisses the top of your head. “I know. We’ll be okay though.”

The both of you chat and as you cross a path that led to an alleyway, that’s when you heard it. “Levi.” You stop him and look into the dark alley. “Do you hear that?” You ask and he looks. A soft whining noise came from there and you gasped. “It’s probably a puppy. Let’s go see.” You were about to walk into it but the back of your jacket was caught by Levi. “And do what? It’s probably there for a reason.” You scoff and pull away from him. “How can you be so cold? I’m going to see if it’s okay, you’re welcome to join.” You say and turn on your phone flashlight as you head in. Levi groans and follows you.

You follow the soft whines as you headed deeper into the alley. “Here here, sweetheart. I’m here. Where are you?” You talk to the animal and it whined louder and you turned to the left to see a box next to a dumpster. You shined your flashlight on it and there it was. A puppy. “Oh no. Baby, are you okay? What happened?” You ask and squat down to see it. It curled up as it shivered and whined. You tried to examine its body and you saw it’s leg bleeding.

“Y/n!” You hear Levi call as his footsteps approached you. “Over here. I found the pup!” You yell back and then you continued to coo at the puppy. “Let me help you.” You whisper to it and it looks up to you with big black eyes. You smile as you gently pet its head. “Don’t worry.”

Levi stood behind you as you talked to the creature. Only you were crazy enough to do this, in the dirt nonetheless. “Hold this.” You give your phone and he continued to shine the light on you. You gently lifted the box up and held it in front of him. “Levi, it’s so light.” You sounded like you were on the verge of tears and he sighs. “What now? We can’t take him to the vet. They’ll be closed now.” He says and he sees you smile while looking at the pup. “We take him home for the night. First thing tomorrow, we take him to the vet.” You say and begin to walk out of the alley.

Levi didn’t even argue. He knew he wouldn’t stand a chance once there’s an animal involved.

Once you took the pup home, you gently dressed it’s wound and wrapped a bandage around it. You put a plastic bag over it and tied it up so you could bathe it. “Oh, you’re a boy! Hello, handsome.” Levi heard you say and he groans. “This cannot be happening.” He mumbles in his hands. When you were finished, you dried the pup and brought him out to the kitchen. You had some leftover chicken from dinner and gave it to him in a bowl which he gulped down.

“We aren’t keeping him, by the way.” Levi suddenly says and you look at him. “What?! Why?!” You ask and he shakes his head. “I do not want a pet in the house. They’re too much to handle and filthy. Once we take him to the vet, that’s it.” He says, trying to hold his ground.

But then you walked over to him and wrapped your arms around his torso and laid your chin on his chest, looking up to him. “Levi.” You coo and he shakes his head and looks up. “No.”

“Leviiii.”

“I said no.”

“But LLeevvviiiiii, look at him. He’s an innocent soul who did nothing wrong in this selfish world of ours. A horrible human being threw him away and now he finally got another chance at having a happy and good life with a loving family. Don’t throw him away.” You whisper and Levi listens as he looks at the puppy with the bandage on his leg, eating. He lifted his head to look at Levi and you turned to watch him and as you looked at the pup, his tail wagged so hard.

“He’s a baby, Levi.” You finally say and let go of Levi to go to the puppy. You sat on the floor as you played and petted the pup and Levi just groaned. Why did you have to make so much of sense? He heard you baby talking and he shook his head. “Tch. Fine. But he’s your responsibility.” Levi finally says and you squeal and run into Levi’s arms. “Oh thank you, Levi.” He holds you as he looks at the puppy who looked like he had a smile on. “Yeah.”

~~~~

At the vet, they said that he was a pure German Shepherd. His leg was scarred and hurt but nothing drastic. “And what is this little ones name?” The vet asked, ready to write. You looked at Levi as you thought.

“I didn’t even think of a name.” You say and scratch your head. Before you could say anything else Levi spoke up.

“His name is Tiger.” You look at Levi who looked at the vet, not wanting to look at you. You smiled to yourself and held Levi’s arm. “Tiger it is. We want to keep him overnight just to run some extra tests just to make sure. You can come get him tomorrow.” You and Levi nod and leave the vet. “Tiger? What made you think of that?” You finally ask Levi as you both walked to the car.

“Dunno. It suited him.” Levi glanced to you and you smiled. “Alright. So let’s go get some stuff for him. Bed, toys. Collar.” Levi hums in agreement and you both head to a pet store. A big white bed for Tiger was bought along with toys, shampoo, brushes, and a leash.

When Tiger came back, needless to say he felt right at home. He was energetic, playful and just a happy pup. You had to have a whole album on your phone dedicated to him. Levi took longer to allow Tiger in but he eventually did. And it was amazing.

Tiger was four months, so he was at the age where you could carry him. So Levi, always had him in his arms. Tiger’s front paws would be on Levi’s shoulders as Levi held his back and cleaned. Tiger was afraid of the vacuum so Levi had to hold him while he vacuumed. You even caught him baby taking to Tiger.

“You are such a handsome boy. Yes you are. You’re my handsome boy. Who’s handsome boy are you? Yes that’s right. Mine.” He says as he plays with Tiger and you chuckle and Levi immediately looked at you. “H-Hey Y/n. We were just playing around.” Levi stutters and you nod. “Oh I know. You and your handsome boy.” You play the recording and Levi’s eyes widened. “Delete that.” He says and you shake your head. “No.”

“I said delete it! Tiger get her.” Levi orders Tiger but he just walks to you and sits in front of you. “Mama’s boy.” You show Levi your tongue and run away from him. Levi chased you and Tiger joined and all three of you ended up on the couch, on top of one another.

Tiger didn’t like to sleep alone. His bed was in the living room, just in case he needed to eat or drink but he whined and whined at your bedroom door and only stopped when he was let it. So now he sleeps in between you and Levi.

Levi even got Tiger a cravat. A cute one with paw prints and you were in awe. “Look at our baby, Levi! So handsome.” You squish Tiger’s face and kiss him all over. Levi chuckled and carried Tiger as you all laughed.

One time, Levi fell asleep on the couch and Tiger jumped up and slept on his chest. Levi unconsciously wrapped and arm around him and now that it is your lock screen. Levi’s lock screen is you holding Tiger as he smiled at the camera and you smiled at him.

Levi and you had a family. Not a fully human family, but a family nonetheless.

——————————————————————————

“I miss my girl and boy so much. I hope that they’re in a better place now.”

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

[dragon-kazansky]

Dangerous | Helmut Zemo

AU! Race car driver Zemo 😎

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Masterlist]

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO READ.

Happy Birthday @goddessofmischief03 I'M SORRY THIS IS YOUR PRESENT FROM ME!

Part 8

The pair of you drove for hours. Zemo didn't care about where you wanted to stop. All you had to do was say the word and he would pull over here and there. You had taken so many photos on your phone. Though a lot of them were just of him. Maybe you would get those printed and make an album. Maybe you were just getting carried away.

The evening rolled in. The wicked woman had texted you an hour ago to state what time she wanted to meet you. Zemo had dropped you off, kissing you before letting you go. He left to meet with Sam, hoping to get his forgotten car back home.

You entered the bar. It was pretty empty, finding her wasn't hard. Lucky for you, she was alone. You took a deep breath as you walked over to her table and sat down, but not even offering her a smile.

On the table right in front of her was a file. That scared you. Whatever this was about, she was serious. You tried to keep your emotions at bay as you sat still, hands in your lap. You stared at her.

She stared back.

"You came," she said, almost as if she expected you not to.

"Of course I did, I'm not a horrible person who stands people up. Even if I'm here for nonsense."

She narrows her eyes at you.

"Neither am I."

"You're right. You're just blind," you cross your arms over your chest and ignore the waiter who brings you each a glass of water.

"I'm not the blind one," she hisses after he leaves.

"No? What kind of sick game are you playing here? Tony Stark isn't in love with you. It's all a publicity stunt."

"It's not!"

"See? You're blind to the truth. You're being lured in by the fact you admire him. You have been a fan of racing much longer than I. You have seen Stark win over and over again, season after season. You're in love with the idea of dating a professional racer."

She looks pissed.

"It's all lies. You know nothing. I'll show you who that man really is. Chasing Zemo is a mistake. You'll regret ever knowing him after you learn the truth."

"What truth? What are you talking about?" You try to resist raising your voice.

"This!" She slams a hand over the file.

"What is it? What's in there?"

She hands the file to you. You take it, but don't yet open it. You stare at her. On the outside you look cold, calculating. On the inside, your heart is racing and a million thoughts are running through your head. You're freaking out.

"What had Helmut Zemo told you?" She asks, looking you in the eye.

"About what?"

"About him."

"Not a lot. He is wealthy. Has houses all around Europe, owns a large collection of cars that have been passed down through his family. He doesn't have a large racing background, but he is passionate about cars." You shrug, not knowing what else to say.

"So he didn't you he was a Baron? That his family was literally royalty before Sokovia surrendered in the war? He wasn't even in the county when it collapsed. That's why he doesn't talk about it. His family is dead."

"Why are you telling me this? I know about Sokovia, it was global news. A whole country destroyed in the crossfire. If you have any respect for the dead, you'll stop talking about his family that way," you say, glaring at her.

"I'm not done. Open the file."

You glare a moment longer before you open the file. You look down at the first page you're presented with.

"Who is that?"

There was a photo of a young man. Dirty blonde hair, tall, blue eyes, sweet smile.

"That's Pietro Maximoff," she tells you that name as if you should know who he is.

"Who is he?"

"Pietro Maximoff was a racer."

"Was?"

"He died." She reaches across the table and points to some information below his photo. You can't the words on the page.

Pietro Maximoff

Deceased

Died on impact

Cause: Car accident.

Speculation of foul play by the hands of Helmut Zemo. Car appeared to have been tampered with before hand. Witness testified to sighting of Zemo tampering with car. No solid evidence provided.

You stared at the words, letting them sink in. The woman across from you says nothing as you scan the ink before you.

You swallow.

"It says no evidence was provided."

"There doesn't need to be. He was seen."

"Why who?"

"No one knows. They remained anonymous," she shrugs lightly.

"What are you trying to tell me?" You look at her. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hold back your emotions.

"Baron Helmut Zemo killed Pietro Maximoff because Maximoff was his competition. Zemo has raced before, but his career was cut short after this. Unfortunately there was no actual proof to pin on him, the witness only had their statement. Maximoff was the next big racer and Zemo dealt with him."

You stand abruptly.

"No."

"Zemo is a murderer," she tells you.

"Stop, please."

"He didn't tell you any of this did he?"

"You're lying."

"All the evidence is in that folder."

The tears fall. You shake your head and try to control your breathing. She's lying. She has to be.

"Stark told me everything. He even provided the information."

You shake your head again.

"I don't believe it. Why are you doing this to me? Is this your sick way of getting back at me? This is cruel. This is so cruel."

"It's the truth. You won't find anything by looking up the Baron, but if you look up Pietro Maximoff you'll find the story. Zemo killed a man so he could win. What's stopping him from doing it again?"

"Are you implying he would kill Stark? Are you insane?" You almost yell.

"He has killed a man before. What's once more?" She asks, angrily hissing out the words.

"Please don't do this to me," you plead.

"Read it. Accept it. It's true. They might not have anything solid on him, but you know as well as I that it's true."

You shake your head a third time.

"Look at it. Read the articles." She moves the file on Pietro over and underneath is a newspaper article.

Racing star, Pietro Maximoff dies in horrific accident

Baron Helmut Zemo disqualified from racing season over foul play speculation.

Helmut Zemo to stand trial

Baron Zemo walks free

"He wasn't found guilty of anything."

"I said it doesn't matter! He did it. Everyone knows he did it."

"You can't just give around accusing people of murder," you his quietly. You had sat back down, not wanting anyone to see your rage.

"Open your eyes."

"You don't know him," you say, voice falling to defeat.

"You don't know Tony Stark."

"I know him better than you." You close the file. "Do not ever come at me with this. Unless you have hard evidence that Zemo was there and had done what he was accused of, I won't believe you."

"You say that now, but trust me. You're going to come around," she gathers the file and stands up.

You watch her storm away.

You bite your cheek as tears fall. Taking out your phone, you search up Pietro Maximoff.

Zemo's name popped up several times.

He really has been accused of killing this young man.

Why did your chest hurt so much?

Maybe you should have asked him earlier when the thought crossed your mind.

You continue to sit at that table, ordering a drink mindlessly when the waiter comes over. It's all you have.

You look at the photo of Pietro on your phone. He had to be in his early twenties. Probably the youngest racer you had come across so far.

You sit there for ages, slowing drinking.

Your phone then starts to ring. You stare at the name lighting up your screen.

Zemo👑

Did you dare answer?

Having spent too long trying to decide, it clicks off. You stare at the screen. It lights up a second time.

Zemo👑

He must be worried. Yet, looking at his name flashing up on screen, dread fills you. Yob your phone, leave money for the drink, and make your way out.

The cold air of the night feels sharp and bitter against your skin. When did it get so cold? Or was that just you?

There was no one out here.

You're not sure if you felt glad about that. Your phone rings again. You know he'll be coming to pick you up, especially if you don't answer his call.

You swipe the call button and hold the phone up to your ear.

"Y/N? Thank goodness, you were not picking up. I was worried something bad happened. I'm on my way to you now, are you alright?"

You listen to his worried words. You stand there wondering who it was you were actually talking to.

"Y/N? Are you there?"

There is panic to his voice.

"Zemo..."

"Y/N? What is it? What's happened?"

You just knew he was picking up the speed right now. He was going to do anything to get to you now.

"Have you been honest with me?"

"What do you mean? Of course I have."

Lies. He is lying. That little voice in the back of your mind is repeating that to you. Lies.

You begin to cry.

"Who is Pietro Maximoff?"

Silence.

"Zemo, who is Pietro Maximoff?"

"How do you know that name?"

"Who is he?"

More silence.

You sob into the phone. His silence was an answer. He knew who you were talking about and your mind spiraled out of control.

He's dangerous. Stark was right.

You hang up. You turn your gaze down the street and decide to walk. You needed air.

Zemo was losing his mind. That wicked woman! What had she told you? Why had she brought that up?

When he realised you had hung up, he put his foot down. He had to get to you. He had to explain, he had to tell you himself.

He couldn't lose you. He couldn't.

This is not how he had imagined his night to go. Suddenly, things were falling apart.

@ajeff855 @moonstuffsteve @sky-writes-stuff @lieutenantn @lostghostgirl94 @friday18eo @yaskna @my-blood-is-maple-syrup @gingerwriter97 @lunamooney2406 @wilder-fangirl @nectav @whovianayesha @thesuitkovian @cathrin2405 @deathtothepatriarchy @belle82devart @dxrksxul06 @killeromanoff @alex-the-nb @latenightartist-author @hb8301 @goddessofmischief03 @xxidontwikeitxx @themeanestlittlewitch @scuttle-buttle @fillechatoyante @lucky-luck-lucky @zemosimp420 @avengersofmischief

[jungwonenthusiast]

Field Trip

A/N: I’ve been working on this pic for a while, I hope you guys like it :)

Pairing: Jake Sim x fem! reader

Word count: 5.2k

Genre: fluff, high school au

Warning: mentions of virginity loss and porn, occasional swearing, nothing else I think

“How many shirts should I take?” Jake asks you through your phone. 

“Uhm, we’re there for three days so take four just incase.” you reply and you pack your suitcase as well. 

You two were preparing for your five day field trip to New York which was happening tomorrow. 

You packed your favorite jeans and hoodies and even a dress just in case. You can't help but romanticize the hell out of New York after being stuck in this small town all your life. 

“How many pairs of underwear should I take?” he asks again and you giggle. He’s like a kid sometimes.  “How many times do you think you’ll change your underwear?” you say while sitting on your suitcase to get it to zip closed.

“Probably three but I’ll take four just in case.”

“What a quick learner.” you say and you hear him scoff. 

Jake has been your best friend since elementary school when you scraped your knee during tag and he took you to the nurse’s office. He’s been a sweetie since day one. 

“I doubt I’m gonna get any sleep tonight,” you sigh. “I’m too riled up.”

“Same,” he sighs. “I wonder how many flashers we’ll run into.”

You laugh. “Why is that the first thing you think of you creep.”

“Hey now,’ he chuckles. “I thought that was the stereotype.”

You hop onto your bed and pick your phone up, it looks like Jake’s doing the same. All you can see are his eyes and a bit of his nose bridge. His dark hair has started to grow out and it was poking at his eyelids. 

Your phone pings with a text from Jake. It’s a horrendous screenshot of you climbing over your phone to get into bed. You gasp.

“I’ll kill you.” you tell him as he’s holding in his laugh. “I will do it.”

His laugh bursts out of his throat, jolly and warm. “Why I love it.”

“I hate you so much. Delete it.”

“No way,” he bunches his brows. “You have an entire photo album dedicated to bad pictures of me.”

“And I also have an entire album dedicated to good pictures of you.” you roll your eyes.

“You do?” he asks. “That’s a bit fangirly of you.”

“Me? A fangirl? Maybe Madeline but not me.” you scoff.

“Madeline?” his voice perks up. “She likes me?”

“Yeah, I thought you knew this.” you swear that you’ve brought this up before. Maybe he just forgot. 

“Nuh-uh.” he says.

“Well...” you say. “do you like her back.”

“I mean she’s nice but,” he hesitates. “not really.”

“Why not? She’s smart and super pretty. I'm so jealous of her hair.” you say. Madeline was a tan ginger girl with curly fiery hair down to the small of her back. 

“You have nice hair.” he says nonchalantly. 

You touch it and rub it between your fingers. “It’s whatever.”

He scoffs. “You’re too hard on yourself all the time.”

“I’m a teenage girl, I can’t help it.” You defend yourself, but he isn’t lying. 

“I’m bored, can I come over?” he says suddenly. 

“Tonight? We have school tomorrow.” you reply. 

“Maybe I’ll just sleep over.” he says while turning over in his bed. “I don’t think our parents would care.”

Sleepover? You two hadn’t done that since you turned eleven. 

“Where would you sleep?” you ask him, already imagining how this would go.

“I don’t know on the floor.” he shrugs.

“I’m not letting you sleep on the floor I’ll feel bad.” you argue.

“I don’t care, I’m the one who suggested it, plus I miss you dude, I wanna hang out.” he says and you smile.

“I saw you on Friday.”

“Yeah, a whole two days ago.” he gets up off his bed. “Okay I’ll be there in ten.”

“What-” you start but he cuts you off.

He brings the camera up close to his face and he flashes you a smile. “Bye!” he hangs up. 

Your palms feel a bit sweaty and you brush them off on your pants. Why am I nervous? You guys have had plenty of sleepovers before but the rest of the boys were always there, probably passed out from beer or a sugar crash. 

You tidy your room up a bit and prepare a little blanket bed on the floor right next to your actual bed. 

You hear knocking at the door right when you expected, Jake was hardly ever late. 

“Hola~” he says as he walks in with his backpack on. He takes his shoes off before skipping over to your room. You giggle to yourself. 

He falls back onto your bed with a big sigh. “I missed being here.” 

“Why? There’s nothing cool here. Your house is way cooler.” you say and he smiles.

“Well I can’t deny that,” he shrugs and you punch him in the arm. “you’re the one who said it.”

“We get it rich boy.” you roll your eyes and sit down next to him.

“I’m just playing,” he sits up. “you know that.”

“I hope you showered after practice,” you say. “I don’t want you stinking up my bed.”

He whips his head to you, looking a little bit offended. “I am very clean alright? Here smell my hair.” he shoves his head into your face. 

You let out a strangled noise and try to push him away. “Okay, okay!”

“No smell it,” he keeps his hair up in your face, it’s tickling your nose. “smells like mangos right.”

Admitedly, he's right. It smells like mangos.

“Yes it does,” you squeak out. “now please respect my personal bubble.” you spread your arms out and create an imaginary bubble between you two. He tries to tug at your arm but you bellow in a robot voice. “PERSONAL BUBBLE PERSONAL BUBBLE.”

“Fine, fine.” he falls back onto your bed again, laughing. “Lets watch something.”

You follow suit and tug your laptop into your lap. 

“Hold on,” you get up and close your window, it was starting to get too cold.

You shimmy under your covers and pull up Netflix.

“Scary movie?” you click on the horror section.

“Sure but you probably won’t be able to sleep.” he teases and you roll your eyes. 

“That was years ago.” you start to scroll through the movies. 

“Mhm, and I’m never letting you live it down.” he says with pride. 

During freshman year the gang decided to go to Jay’s house to watch It together and it freaked you out so much that you went to sleep in the boys room rather than the guest room. 

You click on Hush, a movie you’ve been avoiding because it’s about one of your biggest fears, a home invasion. 

“I thought you hated this movie.” Jake says, crossing his arms.  “I do, but I need to face my fears eventually right?” you click on it and get up to turn the lights off. 

Jake soon gets under the covers as well. You both cringe and slap each other every time your feet touch. 

“Yo yo yo yo watch out!” Jake whispers and pulls his hood over his head, something you both do when you’re nervous. You weren’t wearing a hoodie so you settled with a spare blanket and draped it over yourself like a cloak. 

“Oh shit,” you whisper. “look behind you!” you yell at the main character. 

By the end of the movie both of your bodies are stiff and sore from being so tense for two hours straight. 

“I thought she was gonna die.” you sigh and you shut your laptop. 

“Nah, they couldn’t kill the main girl.” Jake says, comfy and cuddled up in your duvet. “She was so smart.”

“Yeah she was.” you yawn and then kick Jake in the side. “Go to your bed.”

He groans. “It’s warm here though.”

“Go and I’ll make pancakes tomorrow.” you say.

He perks up and follows your orders. 

You relax into your mattress, but you miss his warmth next to you. You ignore that. 

Your alarm goes off at 6:30 and Jake sleeps right through it. 

“How the hell does he get up in the morning?” you whisper. “Probably Leila.”

He’s sleeping on his side, cuddling a stuffed animal he must’ve stolen from your bed while you were asleep.

You stretch your back before washing up. 

Jake’s POV

My serene sleep is interrupted by pokes at my shoulder. 

“Get up poop.” she says. I almost forgot that I was at her house. I crack my eyes open to find her crouching next to me. 

“Good morning.” I croak out.

“You stole ginger.” she points at the stuffed bunny in my arms. 

“I was lonely.” I say before sitting up and rubbing my eyes. “What time is it?”

“7:30,” she says holding in a giggle. “go wash up so we can eat.”

“What’s so funny?” I ask her as she walks away. “You’ll see when you look in the mirror.” she says.

My eyes widen. Did she draw a dick on my forehead or something? I thought we swore to never do that.

I scramble to her bathroom to meet some gnarly bedhead. I have no clue how guys have good messy hair, my hair is either boring and flat or just messy. 

“Jesus.” I say to myself and try to run my head under the sink. 

I brush my teeth and secretly use her facial cleanser. 

“So fancy.” I whisper while lathering it up on my face. 

I can already hear her voice in my head when I’m drying off saying “don't forget to put lotion on, and face lotion, not body.”

A stack of pancakes is waiting for me in the kitchen, just as she promised. 

“Thank you mom.” I say to her before digging in.

She sits across from me with her own plate of flap jacks. She looks so pretty this early in the morning. Her face is fresh and sparkly and her eye bags somehow just make her prettier. It’s cloudy out and I can tell she’s cold she way her body is bundled up in her chair. 

I still remember the moment I realized that I liked her. It was seventh grade and we were at our town’s annual fair. She got a bit sick after a ride with a lot of loopdey loops so I stayed behind with her while the rest of the boys continued to go on every ride they pleased. She told me to go with them and that she didn’t want me to miss out but I said that it was fine and that I liked hanging out with her anyway. She smiled her bright smile at me and rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. Then she threw up on my shoes. Like projectile cotton candy, funnel cake, and other miscellaneous fair food vomit. And I didn’t even get that mad, I was more concerned for her. After that I figured I liked her, because if it were Jay I would’ve beat him up. 

“Did you have any nightmares?” I ask her and she shakes her head.

“Nah, I dreamt that Sunghoon married a dolphin. It was weird.” she sighs.

I choke on my pancakes. “A dolphin?”

“Yeah,” she laughs. “his name was Jerry.”

“And it was a guy too?” I hold my chest, trying not to choke.

“Don’t judge their interspecies homosexual marriage. It was beautiful.” she laughs and takes a big gulp of water.

I’m almost crying at this point. “Best dream ever. I can’t wait to tell Sunghoon this.”

“No!” her eyes widen. “He’s gonna think I fantasized about it or something.”

“What?” I cock an eyebrow. “Everyone knows that dreams are uncontrollable sometimes.” “Still it’s weird. Imagine if someone told you that I dreamt of you marrying a dolphin. It’s be weird.” she says through a mouth of pancake. 

“Did they have kids?” I cackle,

“I don’t know. How would that even work?” 

“Maybe they had a surrogate or something.” I suggest.

“Oh god,” she shakes her head, smiling. “we need to stop. I feel like I'm violating him.”

“Alright, alright.”

“Should I wear this shirt or this sweater.” she asks me as we’re getting ready in her room. 

“Sweater. It’s probably gonna be cold.” I say while tugging socks on. 

“Shit you’re right. Then I won’t be able to wear this dress.” she holds up a little dress that flows out a bit from the waist. 

“Bring it anyway and maybe you can wear it for a second so I can take pictures for you.” I suggest and she smiles. 

“Good idea.” 

We both settle of hoodies and jeans and say goodbye to her parents before hopping in my car. 

We get to school right when people start getting on the bus to the airport. We throw our luggage into the bottom carrier and get in line. 

“Yo!” I hear a familiar voice call as we get on. “We saved seats for you guys.”

Jay, Sunghoon, Heeseung, Jungwon, Sunoo, and Niki have already gotten comfortable in the back of the bus. Niki was already asleep. Y/N couldn’t help but pat his head before settling down next to Jungwon. The bus wasn’t a school one but one of those fancy ones they bring out once a year. 

I sit down next to Sunghoon and dap him up. 

“What’s up.” I say while putting my backpack down by my feet. 

“Tired.” he says. “Valentina kept me up all night.”

I raise an eyebrow and he smirks. 

“For real?” I ask and he nods. “No way.”

“Yeah way.” he says and holds up a fist.

I fist bump him and pat him hard on the shoulder. 

“You’re a man now Sunghoon.” I congratulate him and he snickers. 

“What does that make you then?” 

“I’m taking my time alright? I’ll get there eventually.” I say, a little embarrassed. 

I look back to check out what she’s doing when we start to drive off. She’s fast asleep with her cheek pressed against Jungwon’s shoulder. He looks like he’s about to dose off too. Cute. 

Sunghoon and I watch a couple episodes of Death Note before we arrive at the airport. Sunoo shakes Y/N and Jungwon up. 

She’s still groggy as we walk into the airport and grabs onto my arm for leverage. My heart jumps a little. It’s not often that we touch despite how much I think about touching her. I could stare at her back all day. She could ignore me for the rest of my life and I’d still be happy to be in her presence. Mental note to all of you: do NOT let your feelings get to this point.

Soon we’re on the plane and she chooses to sit next me. I silently celebrate. Sunoo and Sungoon behind us, Heeseung and Niki next to us, and Jay and Jungwon in front of us. Sunoo pokes his head over her seat.

“Do you have chapstick I can borrow.” he asks with his blonde hair flopping over his forehead. 

She digs into her bag and hands him a small tin of lip balm.

“Thank you!” he says and she nods. 

“Are you that tired?” I ask her.

“Mhm,” she sighs and shuts her eyes. “I forgot to drink coffee this morning.”

I put in my AirPods and start to watch Lady Bird. She looks over and takes an AirPods out of my ear. 

“I wanna watch too.” she say and puts it in her own. 

We take off for the six hour trip and soon Y/N is sound asleep. Her head kept dropping forward so I pushed it up and pulled it to rest on my shoulder. This was not on purpose. I can’t help but snap a picture of her and add it to the good pictures of her album. She looks so peaceful and comfortable and gorgeous. I lay my head on hers for a moment before continuing the movie. 

Y/N’s POV

After two hours of unsatisfying sleep, and hour of gossip with Sunoo, and three hours of chit chat with Jake you finally arrive. You sit up and stretch as best as you can in the plane. You pull you backpack onto my back and get you luggage down from the overhead bin. It’s already five p.m. when we get off and your stomach is growling. 

We take another bus to the hotel and you can’t help but admire the city life as we drive there. 

You’re roomed with two other girls at the hotel but you don’t even bother unpacking. You know you’re gonna be in the boys’ room anyway.

Mrs. Gilroy gave us tonight to do whatever we wanted as long as we were back at the hotel by ten p.m. 

You sneak into Jake, Jay, and Sunghoon’s room as soon as you can. And when you get there, it’s already a mess.

“Good lord.” you say as you’re met with clothes all over the floor and mini bottles of liquor on the beds.

“You guys are drunk already?” you scrunch your nose and drop your stuff in a corner of the room.

“No.” Sunghoon says to you lazily with a little smirk on his face. You can’t help but giggle. Sunghoon is pretty adorable when he’s drunk. 

“Are you drunk too?” you turn to Jake and he shakes his head. His pink cheeks give him away though. “You’re all bad liars.”

“Lets go swim.” he says excitedly. 

“There’s a pool? I didn’t bring a swim suit.” you say, bummed.

“Can we go later, I’m hungry.” Jay says and you agree.

“Me too.” 

Jake tugs at your arm. “Come on~ we can order room service or ask Jay to get us something.”

“We can get you guys something.” Sunghoon says, pulling a hoodie over his head. 

“Please?” Jake looks at you with shiny eyes. He’s and adorable drunk too.

You purse your lips and sigh. “Fine. But I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Just wear shorts and a shirt.” Jake says as he tugs his swim trunks out of his suit case.

“I didn’t bring shorts because you said it was gonna be cold.” you complain, crossing your arms. 

“Uhm,” he stops for a moment. “you can wear my boxers then.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Huh?”

“What?” he looks at you. “They’re basically shorts. And they’re clean.”

You hesitate but then comply as always. He tosses you a pair of black Calvins.

You steal one of Jay’s shirts and make your way into the bathroom to change. You’re wearing a simple cotton bralette which should be fine for the pool. You bundle up the rest of your old clothes and stick them behind your backpack before heading out with Jake. 

The pool is empty and huge and is only light by the lights inside. 

“It’s so cold.” you rub at your arms as Jake sets your towels down at a seat.

“I’m sure the pool is heated.” he says and dips a toe in. “Yeah, it’s warm.” Before you can even reply, he tugs his shirt off and canon balls in. You turn your face to avoid getting splashed.

“How is it?” you call out as he emerges from the water. He shakes his hair around like a dog. 

“It’s warm so come in, you look funny standing there.” he teases and you roll your eyes. You kick your sneakers off and try to make a peaceful jump in but you didn’t realize you were in the deep end. It takes you a moment to get your senses together and swim to the surface.

“Why is it deep?” you say, a bit out of breath. 

Jake giggles at you. “Remember when we used to play and you were the mermaid and I was the-”

“Turtle companion.” you finish his sentence. “Yes, as clear as day.”

“Why couldn't I be a mermaid too? Why was a I a lame turtle.” he fusses.

“I’m sorry okay?” you laugh. “I was a mean child.”

“Yeah you were. I’ll never forgive you for shoving that clump of dirt in my mouth.” 

You burst out laughing, flailing your arms in the water to try to stay afloat. “You deserved it!”

“I did not!” he protests. 

“You cheated in handball! It was one hundred percent deserved.” you say, swimming over to him.

“I barely cheated!” he calls out, starting to swim away from you.

“Barely? I would’ve won and been champion of our grade if you hand’t pulled that shit!” you say, still laughing and swimming after him.

“Why are you chasing me?” he says while hopping around the pool where he can touch the ground.

“So I can shove another clump of dirt in your mouth.” you try your best to get him but your heavy cotton shirt is holding you back. You don’t let it stop you though. 

You finally get to him and tug his arm. He yells as you push him underwater. He finds the ground though, and shoots up soon after. 

“Are you trying to drown me?” he looks at you, astonished but giggly. 

“Maybe.” you shrug before tackling him again. It had been a while since you two wrestled like this. 

You’ve got him under water for a bit until he finds your rib cage and plunges you in. It’s hard to hold your breath while you’re laughing. You feel around for him and pinch his thigh only semi hard. He lets you go after that. 

“I won!” you celebrate with your fists in the air.

“You used pain, that isn't fair.” he rubs at the area that you pinched. 

“Don’t be a sore loser. I won fair and square.” you cross your arms.  “Fine.” he admits his defeat. “that pinch hurt though, come kiss it better.”

Your face twists. “Nuh uh.” you say plainly. 

“Please?” he asks. “I will drown myself right now.” You laugh at him. 

“I will do it!” he insists.

“Okay, okay! I’m not to going to kiss your leg you weirdo but I’ll give you a hug.” you float over to him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I even pinched you lighter than I normally would.”

“I’m sensitive.” he says into your neck and you giggle. 

His arms feel so right around your waist and you struggle to decide when to let go, so you just don’t, and neither does he. He holds you decently tight and you feel him pat your back. 

You’ve hugged plenty of times before but it felt a little different this time. Probably because you’re pressed up against his bare skin. It makes you feel a bit sheepish. 

You pull away from him. “Feel better now?” 

He nods with a smile. His cheeks are pink, but this time it’s not from the liquor. 

Jake’s POV

I can’t help but feel disappointed when she lets go of me. 

I shouldn’t have patted her back that's a dad thing to do. 

Her makeup has started to run down her face which makes me giggle.

“What?” she asks.

“Your mascara is making you look crazy.” I say and her hands fly to her face.

“Shit I forgot I had it on.” she attempts to wipe it away but all it does is smear it across her face. 

“Here,” I say and float over to her. “I’ll help you.” this was not on purpose.

I hold her face as gently as I can in my hands and rub the runny mascara off with my thumbs. I dip my fingers into the water to get all of the bits off. 

I want to kiss her so badly, but I know that I’ll never do it. Sometimes I get irritated at myself for not being able to confess. I think Jay and Sunghoon get irritated about it too. 

“You talk about her all the time man just ask her out.”

I don't know why I can’t do it. If she rejects me she’ll do it nicely and things would go back to normal pretty soon. But I don’t think I could live knowing that my feelings would never be reciprocated. Sometimes I get a feeling that she likes me too but I can never be too sure. 

“All gone.” I say and she thanks me. 

She lets her self float on her back. She has a small smile on her face and she’s so pretty I could cry. There have been multiple times where I nearly cried over how much I like her.

“What are your thinking about?” I ask.

“You know I never know how to answer that.” she bleats. “My mind always goes blank when you ask.”

“Well try to remember what you were thinking about then.” 

“Us.” she says plainly.  “Us?” I questioned. “What about us?” “I don’t know, just how I met you guys and how happy I am to be friends with you all.” she says. 

Oh. She meant all of us. 

“Yeah me too.” I agree, trying not to sound down. “Who’s your favorite?”

She snorts. “I don’t have a favorite.”

“Of course you do,” I say. “and it better be me.”

“Why would it be you?” she jeers. 

I frown. “Because we met first.”

“I’m kidding, of course you’re my favorite.” she admits.

“And why is that?” I egg her on and she rolls her eyes. 

“Because we met first.”

I sigh. “Is that all?”

“Mhm.” she says. 

Y/N’s POV

You’re met with InNOut that Sunghoon and Jay got and also a room full of teenage boys. The younger ones were laying on their stomachs on a bed together, watching something on a laptop. Sunghoon and Jay were trying to watch t.v. You say trying because of the furious clicking on the remote. 

“What the hell are you guys trying to do?” you and Jake plop onto the one empty bed.

“Trying to find the porn.” Jay grumbles.

“Infront of the children?” you look over at the younger ones.

“They don’t care they’re watching YouTube.” he says, still clicking. 

You take a bite of your burger. “You have an endless arena of porn on your phone why do you want the t.v. one?”

“The t.v. makes it special.” Sunghoon says. 

“Weird.” you mutter to yourself.  “They’re probably gonna make you pay for it too.” Jake chimes in. 

“Do you think it’ll go to the school’s credit card or whatever?” Jay asks with wide eyes.

“I don't know but if it does they’ll know it’s from our room.” he says through a full mouth. 

You grab pajamas out of your bag and head to the bathroom to shower. 

You come out feeling fresh and the younger ones have gone back to their room now. 

“My turn,” Jake says, walking into the bathroom. 

You sit next to Sunghoon on his bed and start scrolling through your phone. 

“Should I get this sweater or this one.” he holds his phone up to you and shows you light blue sweater and a black one.

“Second one.” you say.

“Really?” he questions. “I feel like it’ll make me look emo.”

“You should become emo honestly. It would look good.” you reply and he chuckles. 

“You’d have to help me with my eyeliner every morning.”

“Yeah,” you giggle “wait can I do it right now? I wanna see how you’d look.”

“Right now?” he cocks a brow and you nod. “Okay but don’t give me raccoon eyes.”

“I won’t I won’t.” you rush over to your bag and bring your make clutch to the bed. 

“Hold still.” you tell him as you give him smokey winged liner.

“It tickles.” he says, trying not to blink too much.

“Beauty is pain.” you clean up the wing with your nail. 

In a couple minutes you’re done. “Finished." you say.

“Lemme see.” he grabs a hand mirror from your clutch and holds it up to his face. “Hold on. This looks kinda good.”

“Right?” you had to admit it; he looked gorgeous.

“Why are you so pretty?” Jay says from his bed. 

Soon Jake came out of the shower and it was hard to deny how good looking he is especially with his damp hair. How could someone make a t-shirt and sweats look so good? He dumps his laundry by his bag. 

“Does Sunghoon have makeup on?” he asks, settling onto his bed.

“Yeah doesn’t it looks nice?” you ask and he agrees. 

“Y/N are you gonna sleep here or in your room.” Jay asks.

“I thought I would just sleep on the floor here.” you suggest and he furrows his brows. 

“No that’s mean. Share a bed with someone.”

“You should sleep with Jake.” Sunghoon elbows you in the side and you shoot him a dirty look. “We all know he wants you to anyway.”

“Fuck off Sunghoon.” Jake looks over at him with a piercing stare, a contrast to his pink cheeks. 

“Is it okay if I do?” you ask him and he nods.

“Yeah for sure.”

Sunghoon snickers. 

“I hate you.” Jake scowls. 

After a couple hours of watching movies and horsing around it’s nearly midnight and your eyes are getting heavy. 

You crawl under the covers and scroll on your phone a bit before trying to sleep. Despite how tired you are it’s hard to sleep with the boys chatting and snickering to each other. 

“Can you guys quiet down?” you ask them.

“Sorry.” Jay says. 

After maybe an hour of sleep, you feel someone get on the bed. Probably Jake, you think to yourself. His little sighs as he gets comfortable are cute. 

“You awake?” he whispers. 

“Mm?” you turn on your side to face him. “Yeah.”

“Cool.” he says. The room is dark but the moonlight helps you make out the outline of his face. 

‘What’s up?” you ask.

“Nothin.” he says and you giggle.

“Okay weirdo. Go to bed.” you close your eyes, stilling facing him though. 

“I’m not tired.” he says.

“Count sheep.”

“That never works for me.” he sighs. “Sing me to sleep.”

You try to slap him in the arm but you end up hitting his face. “Oh shit sorry!”

“Ow!” he whines. “Why do you keep hurting me?”

“It was an accident!” you whisper and rub at his cheek a bit. 

“Now I actually deserve a hug.” he pouts and you roll your eyes.

“You are not five years old.”

“I still want the hug.” he says plainly and you sigh.

“Fine.” you scooch over to him and pull him into your chest. You pat his back. “There there. Better now?”

He shakes his head. “It still hurts.”

“You’re embarrassing yourself.” you scoff. 

“I have no shame when it comes to your affection, you should know that by now.” he smiles.

You feel his arm fall over your waist and his hand slide up your back. It gives you goosebumps.

You’re cuddling with him. You guys are cuddling right now. You think to yourself. No you’re not, you’re just...hugging. Right?

Jake pulls away to look at you. “I need to tell you something.”

“Are you gonna say your mom again?” you ask and he shakes his head. 

“No,” he says giggling. “it’s something for real.” 

“Okay what is it?”

He takes a sharp inhale. “I like you.” he winces. 

Your heart jumps a bit. “I know.”

“What?” he laughs.  “You’re very obvious about it.” you chuckle.  “Are you rejecting me?” he asks and you shake your head. 

“I would never.” you pull him in by the back of neck and push your lips against his.

[tobesolonely]

more time with you

a/n: hello everyone! here's some dad!harry for you all :-) i had a lot of fun writing it and am wondering if this family could be a little recurring thing?? lmk what you all think! i hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!

warnings: fluff (super cute dad!harry!!!), oral (female receiving), fingering, dirty talk

word count: 2.5 k

my ko-fi! thank you :)

If you knew that getting your husband to take a break from all the late nights in the studio, the commitment to several different interviews a week, and the daunting possibility of a world tour within the near future, was by telling him you were ready for another baby, you would've done so way sooner.

Your daughter, Allison (or Ally, she reminded you every time you and Harry would get upset with her and call her by her full name), was nearly six years old. You knew that you and Harry wanted a big family, so it was a surprise to everyone that knew the two of you that you didn't have a house full of babies running around yet. Needless to say, you were ecstatic when Harry agreed he was also ready for another child. He immediately pushed back everything he had planned within the current year to the following year.

"Next album can come out a lil' bit later, m' sure everyone will understand." He reassured you when you asked him if he really had to cancel absolutely every single thing he had in the works. "Just wanna take some time off for you, Ally, and our second love bug. Loved the time off I spent with yeh and Ally when she was jus' a baby, 'member that?"

You smile at the memory of you and Harry being new parents, trying to care for a fussy baby that wouldn't sleep through the night for the life of you until she was nearly two years old. After that, Harry decided he was ready to get back to work, admitting that he wouldn't be as guilty leaving you with a baby that sleeps through the night versus one that wakes up every few hours.

"I remember," you sigh contentedly. "I can't wait to do it all over again. Also, can't wait to start trying…" You trail off, trying to slip your hand under Harry's t-shirt that he wore to bed the night before.

Harry tsks, giving you a cheeky look and moves your hand out from under the fabric of his shirt. "Not now, darling. Ally's football game is at ten, so we gotta wake her up soon."

Letting out a soft sigh, you cross your arms, knowing Harry was right. You were just excited by all that talk about expanding your family that you wanted to get started right away. If Ally was late to her football game, though, she'd be furious at the two of you because that would mean sitting out the first quarter. She hated not being able to play as much as she possibly could. "I'll go wake her up, and you can make her a bowl of fruit or something like that? Needs something light, so she doesn't complain about a stomach ache with all that running around she'll be doing."

"Oh yeah, wouldn't be good now, would it? Can't have a repeat of last time," he laughs at the memory of you frantically calling him during half time of your daughter's football game last year while he was at a meeting going over tour logistics to scold him for making her such a heavy, greasy breakfast, while he laughed and told Jeff about Ally's little incident. "I'll go get her breakfast started." He places a kiss on your cheek and swiftly gets out of bed. You get up shortly after him, tie your robe around your body, and head down the hall to your daughter's room.

"Ally," you knock gently on the frame of her door. "Time to get up, bug. It's half past 8, and your coach sent Mumma a message saying he wanted everyone there by 9:15. Up you go, sweetie."

Your daughter groans and pulls the covers up higher over her face. "M' sleepy, Mumma. Don' wanna go today." You smile at her and walk over to her tiny bed, sitting down on the edge.

"I'm sorry you're sleepy, bug. But your teammates need you! 'Member what Mumma and daddy told you about bein' a team player when you told us you wanted to play footie like all your friends in school? They're gonna be missin' you if you're not there with them today, sweetie."

At this, Ally peaks her head out from under her covers, sleep still in her eyes. You continue on. "And besides bug, daddy's gonna be at your game today! He hasn't seen you play very often, has he?" Ally's eyes immediately light up when you remind her that Harry would be in attendance. He was a wonderful husband and dad, but he wasn't perfect. Sometimes he'd forget about her games and practices and already have things scheduled that he just couldn't cancel at the last minute. Although your daughter understood that her daddy was very busy, she hasn't quite grasped the magnitude of exactly how famous Harry actually was. Therefore, she wasn't quite sure why he wasn't able to make it to every single one of her events.

"Daddy's gonna watch? He's gonna see my whole game!" Ally all but squeals, kicking her covers off. "Where's daddy? We can go now!"

You grin at your daughter's enthusiasm, thrilled that she was so excited for her daddy to watch her play. "Slow down, babe. I'll get your uniform out of the dryer, and you can go down and eat breakfast with daddy. How's that sound?"

Ally nods and quickly runs out of her room, ignoring you calling out to her and asking her to please stop running. Shaking your head, you get up from her bed and retrieve her football uniform. You hear her talking a mile a minute downstairs to Harry, telling him how excited she is that he was gonna get to see her play and get to see all her 'cool friends'. Ally was a daddy's girl for sure, and you loved every minute of it. After getting her uniform from the dryer, you lay it out on her bed and go downstairs to join your family.

"...and I can run so fast, Mr. Coach says I run fast like a road-runner! You'll think it's so cool, daddy, I promise!" You walk in on Ally enthusiastically telling Harry what to expect when he's at her game.

"Is that so, bub? Are you the fastest one on your team?" Harry entertains the conversation, setting a bowl of oatmeal in front of your daughter.

"Yeah, daddy! And I don't even trip and stuff over the ball anymore like I used to! Mumma says I'm more 'co-ordinated'!"

You and Harry let out a giggle at your daughter's pronunciation of the word 'coordinated'. Yet, she doesn't notice, hurriedly stuffing her breakfast into her mouth.

"I'm proud of you for being more coordinated, bub," Harry ruffles her hair. "C'mon and let's finish up so Mumma can help you get ready for your game, don't wanna be late, do ya?"

⋆⋆⋆

"That's my girl, Ally! Go- oh, wrong way, poppet! Other way!"

You watched amusedly from one of the folding chairs you and Harry brought. He's eagerly yelling to your daughter on the field who was now about to score a goal for the opposing team because she was running in the wrong direction. She kicks the ball to one of her teammates, and Harry claps loudly, causing her to stop and wave at him.

"Nice kick, Ally! Pay attention!"

The other parents are looking amused at Harry, some knowing who he is, you assumed, based on how they had their camera phones out. Harry turns to look at you unbothered, a proud grin on his face.

"My daughter is a football star! Gonna go pro, that one is."

"Our daughter," you jokingly tell him. "And sit down, Harry! You're distracting her. She has looked over this way at you probably a dozen times already!" Harry playfully rolls his eyes at you but sits down anyway, knowing you're right. He settles down for the rest of the game, cheering loudly for her but staying seated so she doesn't get distracted by him.

As soon as the game is over, Ally immediately runs over to her dad and starts talking excitedly. "Did ya see how good I played, daddy? Did ya? I told you I can run fast! Did you see how fast I run? I'm fast, do you think so?"

Harry lets out a loud laugh, hoisting your daughter upon his shoulders. "I saw indeed, poppet. Really startin' to think yeh the fastest lil' bug I've ever seen in my life." Ally's eyes widen at this statement, and you snicker as you fold the chairs you and Harry were sitting in back up. The three of you are getting ready to leave when one of Ally's teammates and her mother comes up to you with smiles on their faces.

"Great game, Ally! You're such a good little striker!" Ally beams at this compliment, as does Harry.

"Whadya say when someone tells yeh something nice, bug?" He gently reminds her. Ally lets out a timid 'thank you,' and Harry gives her a little squeeze on her leg.

"Can Ally come to my house and eat pizza with me? And we can play with my toys, and we can watch a movie!" Ally's friend looks between you and Harry, a pleading look in her eyes. "My Mumma said it's okay with her if it's okay with you!"

"Oh, we wouldn't want to intrude…" you start, but Ally's friend's mother waves her hand.

"S'not a problem at all! I'd love to have Ally over, lil' angel she is. She's always welcome over at mine." She tells you and Harry truthfully. You look at Harry and shrug, non-verbally telling him if he's okay with it, then you are. Ally's been over to her friend's house before and always has a great time, and you had no plans as a family for the remainder of the day.

"Okay yeah, that'll be fun won't it, bub?" He asks your daughter, lifting her off his shoulders and setting her back down. He reaches into his pocket and pulls his wallet out. "Let us at least pay for food and some desserts too, if the girls want. I'm sure they will, though." He winks at Ally and her friend, and they giggle and go to kick the ball back and forth to each other while the adults talk. Her mother thanks him profusely but tells him it isn't necessary, but Harry, being the kind person he is, insists and gives her a few bills to cover the girls' day together. He never liked sending your daughter with someone else's parents without money because he thought it was rude to expect them to pay for his kid. He usually ended up paying for all parties involved as a 'thank you' for having your daughter as company. After telling your daughter to be good and have fun, you and Harry walk hand in hand back towards the car.

"Got the whole rest of tha day to ourselves, don't we?" He asks, rubbing his thumb over yours. You hum in acknowledgment and turn to look at him. He has a cheeky grin on his face, and you immediately know what he's thinking.

"Think we should get started on that baby, then?"

⋆⋆⋆

As soon as the two of you are through the front door of your house, Harry has his hands all over you- one on your neck, the other gripping your ass.

"Harry," you moan out breathlessly. "M'not gonna conceive our baby next to the front door."

"Well lucky fo' you, I wasn't plannin' on takin' yeh next to the front door, hmm," he says against your neck, placing a wet kiss on it. "Jump."

You wrap your legs around Harry as he walks you to your couch. "Wasn't really thinkin' 'bout the couch either you goof, but I guess it's better than the floor."

Harry huffs in annoyance and lifts his head to look you in the eyes. "Wan' me to put this baby in yeh or not?"

"Course I do," you retort, reaching in between you to unbutton your jeans. "Been thinkin' about it since this morning."

Harry hums in response and lifts up your shirt, kissing his way down from right below your breasts until he's at your hips. "Gonna let me have a lil' taste first? Make sure you're all nice an' wet fo' me, pet?"

You nod quickly, lifting your hips so Harry could have an easier time getting your bottoms off. He yanks them off and flings them over his shoulder. Harry runs a calloused finger over your underwear, causing you to shudder. "Lets get these off, yeah? That alright with you?" You whimper, bucking your hips up against Harry's hand ghosting over your core.

"Gotta let me hear you say it Y/N, yes or no?" He has the most shit-eating grin on his face, and you know he's just trying to get you all hot and bothered.

"Yes Harry, please get these panties off of me," you all but beg. "Need to feel your tongue on me."

That's all Harry needs to hear before he's hooking your underwear in his fingers, shoving it to the side. He flattens out his tongue and licks slowly up your folds, moaning against you. "Always taste so good, pet. Love havin' my head between yeh thighs like this."

Letting out a rather loud moan, your eyes squeeze shut as you tangle one hand in Harry’s hair, the other gripping the side of the couch. He takes your clit in his mouth and hallows his cheeks, suckly gently. “Feel good, Y/N? Let me know when I’m makin’ yeh feel good, gotta hear it.” You nod, feeling yourself growing close already even though Harry hasn’t been at this for more than three minutes.

“Need your fingers, H,” you breathlessly tell him. “Make me come, please.”

You don’t have to tell Harry again. He sucks on his middle finger and slowly slides it in you, curling it up and searching for that sweet, spongy spot he’s so good at finding. His finger curls against it and you yelp in pleasure, grabbing onto his hair even tighter. “Feels s’good, baby. Fuck, don’t stop please. Whatever you do, don’t fuckin’ stop.” Harry speeds up, sucking even harder on your clit to help you reach your first orgasm of the day.

“Can feel your tight pussy throbbin’ round my finger, know yeh gonna come, Y/N. S’tha feel good?” You move your hands onto your chest, pushing your bra up and rolling your nipples between your fingers. Harry moans at the sight and flicks his tongue on your clit, middle finger moving nimbly inside your cunt. Without warning, your orgasm washes over you, and Harry helps you ride it out, not stopping his licks against your clit. He gradually slows down his movements against your pussy and lifts his head, a big dimpled grin on his glistening face. “Always taste delicious, but I think I wanna feel ya come around m’cock now. I mean, I am on a mission to put another baby in yeh, after all.”

You beam, knowing this was just the start of having Harry to yourself a lot more often.

[reidyoulikeabook]

Champagne Problems

#Request: could you write something based on ‘champagne problems’? creative license is yours and go ham however you see fit but i was thinking reader breaks things off between her and spencer seemingly without warning etc etc

Summary: You and Spencer had been together for almost 2 years. So when he asks you to marry him, that’s got to be a no-brainer, right?

Warnings: Angst, a lot of angst. Minor mentions of threat, blackmail, violence and drugs.

Word count: 2k

A/N: Writing this hurt my feelings. Badly. Just the idea of sad Spencer destroys me. That having been said, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy writing it. Anyway, as always, requests are open!

--------

Spencer hasn’t moved off the couch in at least 8 hours. He hadn’t slept. Not since you’d left.

He’d been agonising over the proposal for months. He’d consulted Morgan, who’d said, “Pretty boy, you could ask her over coffee on the jet and she’d say yes. Don’t worry so much about making it perfect.”

Garcia, who’d squealed, bouncing in her seat at the thought of another BAU wedding, “Oh my gosh! You have to make it beautiful! Amazing! You two are finally gonna get married! Is she pregnant? Not that she has to be just, my god, this team has a reputation for shotgun weddings.”

He’d briefly considered asking Rossi, who had surely proposed enough times by now for him to be classified as an engagement expert. Hotch would probably have had some sage advice, and Emily well...he wasn’t exactly sure what her advice would have been, actually. He might have wound up asking them if what J.J had said to him hadn’t been so helpful.

“Do whatever feels most authentic to you. Neither of you are fans of a big show, you’re not ‘fly a blimp over Quantico’ people. Just, do something that feels right.”

So he’d done that. Spencer loved the solace of your apartment. It’s where you spent the vast majority of your date nights: ordering in fancy takeout, watching shows, sometimes just sitting and reading together in the bay window. If Spencer had a glass or two of wine, he could sometimes be coaxed into dancing.

What felt right to him was this: the apartment bathed in the glow of the fairylights he’d put up earlier, supported by the gentle golden light of the colour changing lightbulb he’d purchased especially. The record player prepared with your favourite album. A chilled bottle of wine resting on the table, next to a bouquet of fresh flowers contained in a crystal vase he’d had to demolish half the spare bedroom to find.

He was more than a little nervous, as he posted himself up at the dining room table to await your arrival. He couldn’t stop the train of thoughts: what if she says no? What if she doesn’t want me?

The only thing that helped stifle his nerves was thinking of how the others had reacted when he’d told them. What Morgan had said. Then he trails his mind back, to all the times he’d felt so insecure, so unworthy of your love. You’d never failed to remind him that he was the best thing to happen to you. That every insecurity he had was actually just a quirk about him that you loved. Your love poured into him, filling a lifetime of holes made by other peoples criticiques and mockery. He took a deep breath. He would be okay. This would be okay. You loved him. God knows you’d told him that enough times.

***

“What’s all this?” You ask, coming through the door and shrugging the laptop case off your shoulders.

“I just thought, since our anniversary is coming up and we could get called out on a case...I thought we could celebrate early. On a night we know we have off.”

“That’s really thoughtful,” You say with a smile, “I can’t believe you did all this Spence.”

He stands, crossing the room to help you take your jacket off, “You deserve something special.”

“Good job you’re something special then,” You say, allowing him to lift the jacket off your shoulders, leaning in to peck his cheek as he does it.

Moving away from you to hang your jacket on the coat hanger, he feels the anxiety start to climb again. He’s imagined the scenario a million times in his head, played it out. He knew he’d be nervous. But nothing, no run-through in his mind could have prepared him for the anxiety he feels as you take your seat at the table.

“Shall I open this?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Spence you got the fancy one,” You say, a question in your voice that he pretends not to hear.

“Well it is for our anniversary, can’t buy the five dollar bottle to celebrate two years together,” He says, taking his seat opposite you.

“Two years huh?”

“Yep. Well, currently one year, eleven months and fifteen days, if you take a month to mean thirty days.”

“That’s gone pretty fast.”

“Actually it’s pretty widely agreed by psychologists that as we get older our subjective perception of time speeds up. There’s no real consensus on what exactly the cause is but it’s thought that it might have something to do with the expansion of our neuron network and the greater distance signals have to travel which slows down our processing time.”

You laugh, “Well that’s a very scientific way to tell me we’re getting old.”

“You’re not even thirty.”

“Not far off.”

“Well I’m sure I’ll think you’re just as beautiful at thirty, and fourty, and fifty, and-”

You cut him off, laughing again, “Is there a scientific theory to support that or are you just spitballing here?”

“This is all me.”

Something about the way he says that sounds so vulnerable that it makes your heart ache.

Spencer’s a little nervous, but not anything close to massively alerting you. You decide to chalk it down to just Spencer being Spencer, mostly out of not wanting to dwell on it too much. The evening passes in exchange of old memories, light teasing as you recall how long it’d taken him to summon the courage to kiss you for the first time.

He’s trying to work out when. When you head to the bathroom, he decides it has to be when you come back. Before he loses his nerve. He swallows another sip of wine for courage, smiling at the thought that he’ll get to introduce you as his fiance at work tomorrow.

Entering the room, you spy how he’s smiling to himself. You have half a mind to ask him what he’s thinking about, but he interrupts you before you can.

“Wanna dance?” He asks, having wandered to where the record player sits, covered in a thin layer of dust.

“Yeah. Dancing sounds good.”

Flicking the needle down, that familiar song starts playing.

You make your way over to where he stands on your living room rug. He puts one arm around your waist, keeping your other hand in his. You move in time to the music, letting him twirl you around with ease.

“I have something to ask you,” he murmurs, spinning you again so you come flying to rest against his chest.

Your head rests just under his chin, and the dance slows down to a gentle sway.

Your heart is pounding.

“Yeah?”

“I-I had this whole speech planned,” he says, softly, "But I think...I think I just want to ask you now. I think you know how I feel about you. How much I love you. So I wanted to ask you, if you want to marry me.”

You drop his hand. Stepping back, you scan his face. Seeing the panic, the questionning, the confusion.

“Spencer I-I can’t. I can’t do that.”

Confusion flickers across his features, eyebrows furrowing, lips pressing against one another. He tries to keep the tears from filling his eyes but he can’t. They glint with all the hurt. With his worst nightmare realised. You’re just stood there, statue-still. Staring at him with something he can’t figure out. Horror? Shock? How could it be either of those things. His chest heaves, he flounders. Even when he imagined this, he never planned what he’d say next. What he’d really do if you said no. It dawns on him then. He never really believed it would happen.

“W-Why?” He finally chokes, taking a step towards you only to promptly feel another kick to the gut as you, in turn, retreat.

“I just...” You trail off, mouth opening and closing, “I just. I just can’t.”

He doesn’t get the chance to puzzle out what the look on your face is. It’s imperceptible. Before he can think of anything else to say, before he can even begin to comprehend the way his world just shattered, you’re gone.

He thinks he hears a quiet, “I’m sorry,” as you scuttle out of the apartment door and disappear.

***

At some point, he makes it to the couch. It goes dark around him, the batteries in the fairy lights die at some point. So he sits illuminated in only the light of the lamp.

Eidetic memory allows his brain to become a theatre. Showing only one film: The Time You Said No. Dropped his hand. Stepped back, as if you were wounded, injured. The confusion in your voice. How it shook, broke, when you said ‘I-I can’t.’ How you just left. How you promised you’d never leave and here you were, slipping out the apartment door without a second look. He’s not even analysing. He just sits, replaying the night in his head. Hot tears slipping down his cheeks everytime he gets to the part where you leave. He doesn’t wipe them. Just starts again.

***

He’s vaguely aware of a phone ringing beside him. Picking it up, he sees it’s 7:52am, which means he’s going to be late for work. There are several missed calls. He would check to see who they’re from but he doesn’t really care.

Will you be at work?

The thought almost makes him want to go. It dawns on him then that he has absolutely no idea where you are, and somehow that’s worse than knowing you left. He scrambles for the phone, picking it up and dialling your number. It rings, from inside your jacket. The jacket you left on the back of the chair.

If he goes into work and you’re not there...he bristles at the thought. Nausea rises in him, his forehead starting to feel clammy with a light sheen of sweat as he processes: he has no idea where you are. For the first time in two years, he has no idea where you are and no way to find out.

Then it hits him. This might just be his life now. He has to run to the bathroom and vomit.

***

You’ve fucked it up. You’ve fucked it up and you know it the moment you get out of your apartment building and into the freezing cold air. There’s no way to explain it.

You’d received an email this afternoon. It was footage of Elle. You’d been home late because you’d had to go to Hotch, who’d spent the afternoon nervously pacing. Various agents, increasing in status each time, had flooded the office.

There was no way of knowing, right now, who’d sent the email. Or what they could see. What they had access to. How could you accept a proposal from Spencer when you knew that doing so could put him in jepoardy? What if they had something on him?

The entire team had looked the other way while you’d helped him to wrangle the dilaudid addiction and get himself back on his feet. That time pained you to think about. But there were so many things that a person could get their hands on. How could you say yes to taking your relationship further when everything was so off-balance right now?

You should have told him. No matter about Hotch or Strauss swearing you to secrecy. You should have told him. Shame rises, deep in your gut, at the monumental fuck-up you’d just made. If it hadn’t been this afternoon, if you hadn’t been on edge already, if you’d had the time to think about things. You would have responded differently. If you’d just had some more time.

But you’re here now. Wondering, how exactly you could explain that you’d done this because you were worried someone might hurt him.

How can you say you were protecting him, when in doing so you destroyed him?

---

Taglist: @sassiest-politician @takeyourleap-of-faith

(as usual, if you’d like to be added to/removed from the taglist just let me know!)

[littlemisslipbalm]

Little Border Town Pt. II

Summary: Harry starts to find himself more and more drawn to the bookshop owner. She’s maybe not as annoying as he first thought. And maybe Harry isn’t the worst like she thought either. A little notebook, drinks, shoes, and a boat begin to show each other that. 

AKA: Harry and Y/N are neighbors that fight all the time, the whole town wants to know when they’ll just fuck. 

ello loves,  part 2 is finally here pls let me know what you think!! barely proofread sorry... also i think theres gonna be quite a few parts to this because i keep not getting all i want to say said in each part. and im trying to keep the chunks relatively short. — also I made one direction lowkey exist bahaha

Word Count: 9.2k | Warnings: flirty fighting/banter, slowburn 

Part 1

-

The next day Harry found himself walking into the bookshop next door without really thinking about it. He hadn’t seen Y/N again for his early morning run and he had his list for her of the Paul Simon albums he already had. They hadn’t had their windows or shades open last night either so it was the first night he didn’t give her a salute and she didn’t flip him off. The jostle in routine seemed a little weird to him so as he walked through the shop's door and the bell sounded, he thought the smile on his face was because he was well rested and unbothered by anything.

Y/N had slept in this morning. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but the beginning of Fall always put her in a cozy sleepy mood. She wanted to go to a pumpkin patch and watch a fire burn out in a fireplace. She wanted to listen to her halloween playlist and plan out an intricate costume with her friends. All of this was a wistful dream though. She had quickly learned that the little border town didn’t celebrate Halloween how they did in the States or any major cities. It was okay, at the end of the day, even if she was a little bummed about it. This was her new life and she would have to adapt to the new customs.

After she walked downstairs and unlocked the door, she went back over to her front counter. Yesterday, right when Harry had come in, she had found a booklet of Marie’s. It was leafed over to the point that all the pages were crinkled and dirtied from hand debris. Each page was filled with her loopy handwriting, all of it in French. She must have only liked blue pens because even if the type changed over different pages, the color was always blue. Each page was headed with a name, a customer’s name Y/N was starting to realize as she leafed through the pages. She sat back on the wooden stool she had gotten for behind the counter and propped the book in her hand. After the name of the customer there were extensive details on them. Not their purchases specifically, but their preferences, their personality, and just tidbits about any quirks they had or interesting things Marie had decided were of note.

She found many names that were now familiar to her after her few months of living in the little border town. There really weren't that many people to get to know and the tourists were starting to die down now that the school year was getting back in. After a few minutes of pouring over Monsieur Friedfrickson’s page, who lives across the street from her and runs the flower and gardening supplies shop, she flips to an even more familiar name’s page.

“Harry Styles.” The page had the name written out in strong tall letters. Marie had used a blue inky pen for his page, not a ballpoint. “Likes Music. Poetry. Love stories. Romance with a happy ending, but also likes the practical love too.” The interests are laid out plain and she purses her lips at the idea that Harry is interested in romance novels. She wondered what type of poetry he liked since Marie didn’t seem to think that had to be elaborated on. “He’s a special one,” it reads and Y/N scoffs to herself, really Marie? She reads on, “His heart is in the right place, but he’s got a mouth on him. Quick-witted and charming, but kind-hearted and sincere.” She pauses, and flicks the page back and forth, checking that it still reads Harry’s name when she gets back to it. Was she really the only one who found Harry vapid and annoying? Sure she had softened a little towards him since she had arrived, but they were by no means friends. “While seemingly perfect in every way, Harry is actually-” it reads and she mutters to herself, “Ok, now we’re getting somewhere.” “While seemingly perfect in every way, Harry is actually scared of his own shadow.” “This can’t be real!” She once again scoffs at the book and looks up to the ceiling like Marie is going to talk back to her from beyond. “His exterior persona is very strong, both physically and in his personality, but it seems like he’s just waiting for that right person that he can really be vulnerable with and let them into what he’s really thinking. He’s looking for his Angie.” Now she’s just confused. Who the fuck is Angie? She almost doesn’t finish reading the page because honestly it’s just making her mad, but there’s only a few more lines. “Lots of tattoos, why so many tattoos? Thinks he’s funnier than he is. Flamboyant Harry is best.” And beside that last sentence is a star. She tries to hold in her laughter. At least it wasn’t a complete page of praise for Harry.

Thinking back to her knowledge of Harry, she realizes that Marie must have known him for about three years. Maybe more if he had come to visit before moving there officially. She agreed with Marie that Harry had a lot of tattoos and that he thinks he’s funnier than he truly is, but she was yet to see flamboyant Harry. She knew he painted his nails and wore rings, as well as interesting clothes, but she wouldn’t say he was particularly flamboyant for any of that. That comment definitely piqued her interest. When would Marie have seen Harry where he was being flamboyant?

Her eyes scan over the page once more and realize that this book is only for the most current year. Marie re-did the customers' outlines every year. So this was this past year before Marie died. She wondered where the other books might be and if Harry’s outline had changed over time and also if her name was in the one from when she had visited. That would be interesting to read. It’s strange to read a dead person’s private musings. To her knowledge, no one else alive knew the contents of these pages and these pages seemed especially personal since they spoke of people’s lives and who they were at their core. Maybe that’s why she didn’t hear the chime of the door this morning when the first customer arrived.

Her eyes don’t shoot up from the page until two ringed hands enter her eye line on the counter. The tanned skin, with the gold and silver dazzling rings on each finger and the cross tattoo all register in her mind as her eyes go wide. She snaps the book shut when her eyes meet Harry’s almost ivy green eyes - they’re darker in the foggy fall light streaming through the window today. She hadn’t even turned on the lights yet in the store, the natural light being enough for her this morning. The book is clutched in her hands as Harry’s smile widens to a grin of amusement.

“What have you got there?”

There’s no cover on the book so he can’t make anything out about it. He assumes it’s some novel she’s embarrassed of and has chosen to slip the cover off of to keep anonymity of it. This assumption is why his tone is so teasing and why she grimaces at him in response. Her cheeks have also tinted themselves, she’s flustered that the man she had just been conversing about with the book was now in the store.

“None of your business.”

“I guess not.” He replies easily when she responds curtly and places the book out of sight somewhere under the countertop.

“Why are you here again?” She’s avoiding his eye contact now, feeling like she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t have been even though it was perfectly within her right to read something that now belonged to her.

Harry’s smile falters with her followed curt reply. Annoyance settling in, Harry straightens up and removes his hands from the counter. The familiar feeling doesn’t exactly feel nice, but familiarity is better than discomfort. “You wanted a list of my Paul Simon records? So you could order me one I didn’t already have?”

She looks at him curiously as the conversation comes back to her from yesterday morning and she nods. That conversation was real. “Oh yeah, I said that.” She replies, still not looking at him. “Okay,” she says when he doesn’t move or do anything. Her eyes widen, silently asking him to get on with it.

His hands shove into his pockets, searching around for a list he apparently had made. They come out empty. He pats over his jacket pockets and feels nothing but his phone and wallet, no list. “Fuck,” he mutters beneath his breath. She scratches at her eyebrow and sits back on her stool, seeming like she might be waiting awhile. After a few more minutes and no produced list, she sighs. “Do you just want to go next door and grab it since you obviously forgot it?”

“I didn’t forget it…” His voice is low and he shoots a glare at her, the annoyance that had come back had now doubled.

“You did, but it’s okay if you can’t admit that-”

“It must have fallen out of my pocket!” He insists.

She rolls her eyes and stands up. Walking to the front door, she looks on the ground and then a little ways outside. “I don’t see it, just go back and get it. You probably left it in your boudoir, it’s fine.” Her tone is a little less condescending now and more understanding. She forgets stuff all the time and she really wasn’t trying to be rude when he first came in. He had just startled her is all.

He turns around to face her. Her body is now completely out in the open area of the front of the store. His head tilts and one of his loose curls flops over his forehead while he takes in her appearance. “Why do you do that?”

She wets her lips and steps closer to him, more on her way back to the counter than anything. “Do what?” She’s oblivious to what he’s taken note of.

“When you have a conversation in English you’ll swap in some words that are French. They’re easy words to figure out and you don’t do it a lot, but you’ve done it enough times for me to notice.”

“Oh...I don’t know. I prefer French to English. It’s so much sexier.” She walks closer to him and utters her next sentence as she brushes past his shoulder. His gaze follows her every movement. “Would you prefer a girl to whisper in your ear, “let’s go back to my bedroom” or “let’s go back to my boudoir.”?” Her French accent hangs in the air with the word and compared to the hard American accent she had employed for ‘bedroom’, ‘boudoir’ sounds far more dirty this time than before.

A shiver rolls down Harry’s spine, but he doesn’t let it show. She shrugs her shoulders, “I think the answer is clear.” He clears his throat in response and a smile grows on her face. “Don’t you agree, monsieur?” She leans her head into her hand now that she’s behind the counter and looks up at him sweetly. He knows she’s teasing him now, her smile more of a sultry smirk.

“Piccola diavola,” his Italian rolls off his tongue and she squints at his words. She knows “devil” but the first word troubles her - it just means little. Her Italian really wasn’t strong and it hadn’t improved that much since she’d been in the little border town. But she also wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of asking what he had said. Harry chuckles at her confusion and relaxes now that he feels the playing field has leveled once again.

“So your list… Do you want to go grab it? Or if you can just list it off the top of your head? As enthralling as your conversation skills are, I actually don’t have all day.” She trails off again, her questions lilting from her mouth after regaining some composure.

“I wasn’t the one teasing about taking someone up to their bedroom,” he huffs. Her face colors with crimson. While she had been teasing him, she didn’t want to be called out for it.

“Wasn’t teasing…”

“So it was a serious offer?” He inquires with a lop-sided grin, changing the meaning behind her words in one fellow swoop.

“That’s not what I was saying! Shut up and give me your list.” Now her blush was all over her face and neck, and she was totally and completely flustered by Harry.  She glanced down at her hands that were fiddling with a pen and paper, ready to write his words down.

“I can either shut up or tell you my list. But it’s sadly one or the other, love.”

She groans and takes her free hand to run it over her face. “Just tell me what you already have, Harry. Please.”

“Okay, okay,” he chuckles and spreads out his hands in front of them both. He crosses back to the counter and leans on it once more. They are in close proximity once again, only the counter between them now and she can feel his hot breath fan over her softly. Smells of wintergreen gum, her favorite.

She glances up at him and their eyes hook together for a moment before she tears hers away to look back at the paper. He rattles off a good amount of Paul Simon’s albums and she nods approvingly as she scribbles the names down. She would have to look through his discography to find the ones Harry didn’t have and she probably could’ve made Harry do that and then give her that list, but she didn’t. It was too late now to do that as well, so she’d just have to live with her decision.

When he finishes, she glances at him once again. His eyes are very large. A detail that isn’t really important about him is seared in her mind. They’re big and they’re staring right at her. His pupils are almost as big as his irises, it was interesting. Her eyes shift under his gaze after a beat and she straightens up again. While they went over his list, she had indulged in the close proximity, the mingling of warm breath and brushed hands as she scribbled and he pondered. She nods a farewell, “I’ll let you know when I order next, but I won’t say what album you’ll get. It will be a surprise.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you,” his smile snaps back to his face and he scratches absentmindedly at his side. He hesitates before exiting the store. “I have a question.”

“Don’t need my permission.”

He emits a half-laugh, half-scoff from his parted lips. “Wasn’t asking for it...How come you never go out?”

She stares at him curiously, her head tilting to the right. “How would you know I don’t get out?” She challenges him.

“There’s only one pub in this little town and I’m your next door neighbor. I know.” He’s insistent on being right.

She scoffs, but only in an attempt to cover up her embarrassment. Her skin had finally cooled from all the excitement that had happened earlier and she wasn’t in the mood to grow red once again. Today was the first day she had ever felt flustered by Harry. It was annoying, it made her feel out of control. She liked to go out well enough, maybe more than the average person. But she’d only been in the little border town for a few months and going out hadn’t been on the top of her list of things to do. Sure, it would be nice to go get a drink out in the town, but she didn’t really have anyone to go with. Meeting people wasn’t hard in the town, but there weren't many people who were her age and she hadn’t particularly clicked with anyone where she would want to go out on the town with them. It was embarrassing to face the fact that she wasn’t flourishing as much as she had hoped. She was happy, but being confronted with the truth that she hadn’t gone out yet dampened her belief in her success in the little border town.

“I - It’s not at the top of my list of priorities,” she stutters, her chin raising a little in indignance.

One of his shoulders shrugs and Harry makes a little face as if he was indifferent to her answer, even though she knew much better than that. Harry always wanted to get a reaction out of her, maybe that was all he gained from their interactions - entertainment. She didn’t know, but she didn’t feel like giving him the satisfaction and left it at that. His eyes meet hers again, his stare far more intense now. “Ciao, diavola.” He simpers, repeating the little nickname. It was far more sultry of a nickname than ‘Shrimp’ but she wasn’t going to complain. She rolls her eyes in response, the only correct one at that.

-

That night, she found herself feeling pulled to journey down to the pub. It was on the Italian side and like she had acknowledged to Harry, she hadn’t been. She wouldn’t admit to anyone, especially not Harry, that his question had been what had pushed her towards the establishment when night fell. Yet, here she was. Her pants were dark red silk that matched the black tank top with red embellishments that she wore over her chest - the only part of her it really covered. Her boots were a matching black with gold metal bits, they were knock-off horsebit Gucci shoes, the closest she could get to the real thing with her modest budget. She was having to be more frugal lately, after buying her car here in September, she had really seen how little money she truly had.

The heels of her boots clicked against the cobblestones as she stalked up to the front of the bar. There was happy chatter seeping out the open door, the warm but dimmed light also flooding out along with the sounds of people within. Taking a deep breath and fiddling with the waistband of her pants for a second, she made her way into the bar. Stepping off the deep end and making the plunge. She knew there was nothing to be afraid of, but after months of not going there, she felt a little sense of apprehension now.

The warmth was the most surprising bit of the bar that she felt when she stepped past the threshold. Some Italian song was buzzing below the words of the patrons and she smiled at the automatic welcome she felt upon entering.

At the tables, there was a mix of younger and older patrons. At the bar, there wasn’t much of anyone. The young bartender leans across the bar to talk to another man, who had dark brown wavy hair and a dark linen shirt on. He’s seated at the bar and his back is to her so she can’t make out anymore than that. She doesn’t notice the myriad of tattoos gracing the patron’s arm that rests casually on the bar as he laughs at something the bartender had said, just for him.

She smiles, thinking it’s a cute little flirtation between the two and hates that she has to go over to break it up. Her movement gets the bartender’s attention easily and has the patron glancing her way as well. The smile she had once had falters off of her face and her eyes go wide at the realization of who she has settled herself beside. She had left a seat open between her and the man, but now she wished she had chosen a spot across the bar and simply flagged down the bartender. Better yet, she wished she had stayed home. As her smile falls away, Harry’s only grows wider. He’s grinning down at her as he moves his whole body to face her.

“Ciao!” The bartender starters, not noticing her discomfort at seeing Harry. He begins to ask what she would like in Italian, but her eyes widen even further. He’s speaking far too fast for her and she blushed in embarrassment. In her fluster, she forgets to even try French and she just stares dumbfoundedly at the handsome man behind the bar, who’s now looking at her with great curiosity. Harry has watched the entire thing and chuckles behind his glass. She has no attention span left to allow her to even try and guess what he’s drinking.

He interjects for her, actually saving her any more embarrassment, surprisingly. “She doesn’t speak Italian. She’s from the French side and new in town, so she hasn’t been able to refine her Italian.” The bartender gives a smile and nod of understanding in her way and she wishes she knew what Harry had just said. Whatever it is makes the bartender switch to French for her and her jaw goes from being dropped back into a normal position.

“What can I get for you, mademoiselle?” He transitions smoothly and she smiles, his French accent sounding practically perfect. She’s recomposed herself, but Harry is still watching her intently, like a reality television show that he can’t wait for the trainwreck finale to occur on.

After she orders, the bartender gives her a wink and then walks off to get what he needs to begin preparing her drink. Harry slides over, eliminating the courteous one seat between them. Her eyes watch the movement and she refrains from the letting out the sigh festering in her chest. She really had hoped he would not be here tonight, at least that’s what she believed. She truly felt embarrassed that the night after Harry had accused her of never going out, he had seen her out. But it also was nice not to be sitting in the bar alone. It seemed that Harry had been sitting alone at the bar before she had come in,  but she also wasn’t Harry and didn’t know how much enjoyment she would have  gotten out of being alone.

“I see my words had some effect on you.” He says out of the corner of his mouth after running his tongue over the bottom of his lip. Her scoff once again dies in her throat because she knows he’s right and he knows it too. There is no being proud right now. He essentially caught her red handed.

“Thought I’d come out and see what all the fuss was about. I see you’re alone tonight, but I assume that’s how most nights go.”

“You should know by now that is simply not true.”

“Just because you leave with someone doesn’t mean you come with someone.”

“I guess…” He trails off.

She picks up when he doesn’t seem to have any more of a response. “How do you even meet people here? Isn’t it all locals?”

“Not always. Not all of the people here are locals tonight,” He scans the crowd. “She’s visiting...So is she...that whole group actually. Look French. So we’ve got a group from Nice tonight…” He looks a bit more. “Eh, that looks like it tonight, but still. It’s plenty.” He finishes with a smirk and she grimaces, understanding the meaning behind his words.

The bartender returns with her White Russian, which Harry had cocked his head at, but had kept his opinion to himself for once. Expecting Roman to return to their conversation, Harry turns his attention back to him, but he is only greeted with the side of his head because Roman is still staring at Y/N. He coos something to her in French, that Harry can’t pick up and his nostrils flare when she emits a giggle following their exchange. The two people he was last talking to were now ignoring him to talk to each other. How rude.

After another moment without their attention, he huffs loudly. Roman seems too entranced in Y/N to notice, but her eyes slide over to him. “Yes?” She inquires, albeit disdainfully.

Harry isn’t sure what to say to her now that he’s gained her attention. He was on his second drink and her stare has made his mind go blank. All he had wanted was for her to stop flirting with Roman so that she’d pay attention to him. But he hadn’t thought of his next step yet. He takes a sip of his beer to grant him a little more time and she rolls her eyes at his action. His mind rattles through possible things to say, but every single one is coming up as not good enough.

“I used to be in a band.”

Her head tilts and she swivels more to Harry. His comment is unexpected and rather intriguing. She had expected something annoying or rude. Truly she had just expected him to say “Nothing” once he had swallowed his drink so he could distract her from enjoying her night.

“You were in a band?” She asks incredulously, her voice pitching slightly higher than normal. While Harry was many things, including handsome, she just didn’t think he had the right persona to be in a band. He dressed like a grandfather most days and he tended to a little shoe shop, he didn’t come off as a guy who would enjoy traveling around performing. The constant praise would be on brand though, she conceded.

Harry nods and bites back his smile, knowing he had struck the perfect chord. “I was...it only took off in the UK but we were pretty popular.” He boasts.

“So what do you play?”

Harry’s eyes widen, expecting more of a question about the name of the band or something. “Well, it was, like, a boy band…” He says.

She was taking a sip of her drink and she contained her little laugh behind her glass. Another hum as she swallows the liquid that burns her throat a bit. “Oh. Interesting. So no instruments.”

“Well I can play a bit of guitar and piano!” He adds quickly, seeing her eyes shift away from him, like she thinks the conversation is over. “I was thinking of trying a solo thing, but then plans changed...”

“And now you’re here?”

He echoes her, affirming the question. “Now I’m here and I’m not leaving.”

“You don’t miss it then?”

“Didn’t say that. I miss it at times, but this is where my life took me and I’m happy to be here. Maybe happier than I ever was in the band.” His eyes stare at the liquid in his glass and he swirls it lightly, determined to study the way it moves as he ponders something quite personal to him. He never really talked about his past with anyone here. Saying he was in a band and retrospecting that time are two very different things to share with someone. She’s just watching him now, not trying to make a quip or bug him. His demeanor shows that’s not something he’s very interested in hearing right now.

She experimentally puts a finger on his knee when it seems that he’ll never raise his gaze from his glass. His eyes move down to the tiny pressure he feels and sees her painted nail poking in to him. His tongue darts across his lower lip as he raises his head to meet her eyes. He notices the sparkle in them, she finds amusement in the childish gesture and so does he.

“I do miss the stage though,” he admits, smiling more now. “Performing. It was like nothing else.” Instead of a sad state of mind, his look is far more wistful now and she actually feels the smile growing on her face.

“You’ll have to sing for me sometime, then.” She says resolutely after taking the last bit of her drink and then pushing the glass across the bar. Roman had wandered off, much to Harry’s pleasure, but now they both needed another round so she was looking for him.

Harry slides over a chair so that they’re sat side by side. He had originally done it to reach across her for a napkin, but then hadn’t retreated to his original seat after he was successful. They talk as they drink, but most of it seems to be flirtatious teasing even if neither of them recognize that fully. Harry just wanted her attention earlier and now he found that he wanted to keep talking to her all night. It was a Friday and usually he would be looking for someone to take home. The group of women at a table that he had observed were visitors would be a perfect place to start his quest, but that wasn’t on his mind. He liked watching the different shades of blush Y/N’s face kept turning as she drank more and how silly she was getting with each passing drink.

She was enjoying her time out, she had only gotten wine drunk in the confines of her little home since she’d been in the little border town. And that endeavour was all by herself. It was much more fun when you had someone to talk to, so joking around with Harry was a nice surprise. She no longer felt embarrassed about showing up after he had teased her for never going out earlier today. Now she felt empowered, like she could come to the bar whenever she pleased. He was nicer than she had realized. His hand was quick to encircle her back respectfully when she laughed a little too hard at a joke and began to tip off her stool. His smile was genuine and his eyes didn’t flit over her body more than once. His jokes were funnier than she had first thought or maybe that was just the alcohol clouding her mind, that one she wasn’t sure about. But, truthfully, Harry was exceeding expectations tonight and being a stand up human being for once, in her eyes.

A couple at the end of the bar, locals, watched on as the shoemaker and the bookkeeper threw back their heads in boisterous laughter and placed their hands on each other chastely. The older women smiled to themselves as Y/N smacked Harry’s bicep after an especially cheeky joke he told her. They were going to have a field day with this interaction once they told their friends tomorrow morning.

After drink three, she definitely felt drunk. Not completely out of it and can’t walk drunk, but I haven’t drank anything stronger than wine in months so three cocktails are kind of hitting me drunk. And because of that buzz that’s enclosed her mind and body, it makes perfect sense to her that Harry’s hand is resting casually on her knee as they talk. It also makes perfect sense to her to cross her legs, causing two things to happen. Harry’s hand shifts up further on her thigh and her boot is now dangling right next to Harry’s shin. The fabric of his cream linen trousers look especially soft and so the next logical move in her mind is to rub her foot against the fabric. She hooks around her foot easily and the patent leather of her shoe slips softly against the pant leg that flows over Harry’s calf.

He hums lowly at the feeling, but makes no other notion to acknowledge what she is doing. After the hum he gets back to the story he’s telling her about his boat. She had been extremely interested in the boat initially, but not she was transfixed on the feeling of the fabric slipping past her boot. When he shifts his leg, absentmindedly or not, she almost squeaks because this movement has Harry’s foot brushing around her ankle. The footsy was occurring without any acknowledgement of it besides small sounds the two had made in their chests. No knowing looks, just the presence of each other’s bodies against one another.

He had switched to a Manhattan after his second beer for some reason that she didn’t ask, but he was enjoying it nonetheless. When she slipped her foot against his calf, it had sent a spark of electricity from the point of contact up to his alcohol muddled head. It felt nice so he went with it.

Around midnight the two of them were practically in each other’s laps, nursing their fourth round. Brains a million miles away while their glassy eyes stared at each other. Harry’s arm nestled around her waist while hers played with the stir stick in his glass. Their heads inches away, closer than they’d ever been before.

Somehow they decided they should walk home about then. Maybe Harry had checked his phone and decided he was done. Maybe she had glanced at the clock above the bar and realized she needed to go to bed. Either way, they slammed down the last bits of their drinks and stumbled into the street. With only each other to hold them up, they had some trouble gaining their balance. They could walk just fine if they wanted to be serious, but Harry kept trying to step literally on her toes and she kept throwing all her weight into his side. Both of their actions would cause them to stumble one way or another along the empty streets. Their blurred minds thankfully didn’t get them lost, but the travel time back to their places was far greater than the travel time to the bar initially.

Finally arriving at the border of Italy and France, their shops and homes, she stared up at Harry under the glow of the streetlamp across the street. His hair looked more dark brown than his usual caramel chestnut in the light. His linen outfit billowed across his pectorals that were exposed. A tan golden color that he seemed to maintain from his frequent runs and trips on his boat. His jaw had a bit more stubble on it now, his morning shave no longer sleek on his skin. His mustache was still the most prominent bit of facial hair he had and she wondered what he might look like without it. She also thought if she’d ever kissed a man with a mustache, her mind was pretty sure she hadn’t.

As she stared, she moved from his side and took a step closer to her door. His hand reached out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her and bringing her attention to his eyes. He dropped her hand and stepped closer to her. They had been laughing about some weird encounter she had in Nice the other week. But now their laughter had faded out, the conversation all but forgotten.

“Hi.” She says meekly.

“Hi,” Harry laughs.

“I had fun tonight,” she muses and takes a step forward. She began swinging her arms back and forth, rocking on her feet. She felt antsy now that it was so quiet. The silence made her realize it was really just her and Harry together right now. Which wasn’t unusual, they had been alone together plenty of times. Maybe it was the time of night, but it felt far more intimate to her this time which made her squirm a little. Why was she nervous with Harry right now?

Harry nods and laughs again at her actions. “Yeah, you’re not so bad.”

Neither of them realized the proximity of their bodies until her hand swung a little higher and hit Harry’s hip bone. “Oh! Sorry!” She moves to take a step back, but Harry grabs her hand once again and tugs her even closer. Bringing them chest to chest under the lamp light. Her eyes flicker between where their bodies touch and Harry’s face. He’s looking down at her sweetly, gently. She feels safe with the way he’s looking at her. The warmth radiating from him was a nice contrast to the dark cold of night. The open expanse of skin that lived between the two sides of his mostly unbuttoned shirt seemed to have the most heat coming off of it. He had a jade cross that hung between the two muscles and she almost reached out to play with it. If it hadn’t been so dark and she hadn’t been so inebriated she would have realized the color matched his eyes almost exactly.

He’s not quite sure what he’s doing, but for some reason it feels like he might kiss her. The mood that was set by their surroundings made it sound right. Romantic even. Her lips look precious too, plump and puckered, flushed from alcohol and the brisk night air. They look a little glossy too from the last time she had wet them. He wanted to feel them for himself. His head ducks to move his lips to touch hers.

Upon registering his movement, she moves her hand from his grasp and places it on his chest, causing him to take a small step back.

“I think...I think this should be goodnight, Harry.” She breathes out. She’s trying to clear her mind enough to have conviction in her decision.

After a little intake of air, less than a gasp, Harry agrees, running a hand through his hair, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Her hand slips from his warm chest, immediately curling in on itself to maintain the warmth his body had just provided. She watches her tendons in her hand ripple before looking back at Harry with heavy eyes. He doesn’t seem to want to make eye contact with her, but she’s determined to leave on a good note.

“Thank you, Harry.” He looks up from beneath his lashes at his name, like a shy toddler. “You gave me the push to face a fear of mine.” With her final words she crosses the little distance between them once again and places a chaste kiss to his cheek. Immediately, his cheek flushes and she can feel the heat beneath her lips, as well as the light prickle of his stubble. Harry swallows, causing his Adam's apple to bob quickly, at the contact. His senses get overloaded with the sweet kiss and the smell of her perfume. It all swims through his consciousness.

She smiles as she pulls away and then turns to let herself into her place without another word. Once unlocked, she gives one last glance to Harry who’s also busying himself with opening his door. She doesn’t see that his free hand is caressing over his cheek where her lips had just been.

-

The next day, she woke up and groaned feeling the stiffness in her body. Especially her head. Oh god, her head. It was like she was back in college, but worse because she wasn’t as young. At least she didn’t have to roll out of bed for an 8 am lecture. For that, she was thankful. Still, the pounding needed to stop or subside at least. Grumbling, she threw her legs off the side of her bed, the fuzzy socks she had slipped on in her drunken stupor settled on the hardwood. She dragged her body to her window and raised the shade. Her window was fogged from the difference in temperature outside and in her room. Kneeling down, she began to pull open the window, in need of the cool fresh air on her clammy skin. Three drinks, or was it four? She couldn’t remember, either way, it was too many.

Her eyes glanced around the view of the window. It wasn’t much since it was so close to the building right next door. Peaking up, she could see the already clouded sky. To the left she could see the street and to the right was more buildings. The scene most easily accessible was the window right across from her. The shade was mostly closed, a little bit of the floor could be seen where Harry hadn’t lowered it completely. It was just the same hardwood as what she sat on staring back at her. She sat there, breathing in the crisp morning air. After a night of drinking, she usually woke up rather early, today was no different.

It dawned on her, far too slowly, that a pair of feet had entered the plain hardwood scene she had been staring at outside her window. A tiny stage now filled with two matching characters. The pair of feet were tanned and large. Little tattoos seemed to be sprinkled both on the toes and the ankles of the feet. She couldn’t read them even if she tried. But upon realizing what these feet might be doing, she had been discouraged from staring any longer. Still, her brain was foggy and her body was not nearly quick enough to hide her from view as the owner of the feet did something to open his shade as well. Then, once again, like deja vu, she was staring at her naked neighbor. Thankfully, this time, he had briefs adorning his hips to keep covering the part of him that would keep her up for weeks trying to forget again. The briefs were, just that. Brief. Low on the hips and barely touching his thighs, it seemed they really only existed to keep that one appendage covered. Still, she had to tear her eyes away from the lower half of his body and let the embarrassment wash over her when she met his eyes.

The knowing smirk of his has him nibbling at the inside of his cheek. She had been checking him out. It was a nice confidence boost after last night. The awkwardness of her stopping him from kissing her had him spiraling in his mind when he went to bed. He didn’t know why he had even tried to kiss her in the first place, probably just because he was drunk. Yeah, he was drunk and feeling needy on a friday night. That’s what it was and she had been there.

He’d have to thank her today for putting a stop to that colossal mistake. They were barely just friends, he hated to think what would happen if he’d done something so reckless as to kiss her out of the blue. Still, he couldn’t shake the thought in the back of his mind that he had gotten the vibe from somewhere. Why else would his drunken mind tell him to kiss her under the glow of the lamp light. He thought back to the bar and what they had talked about. He wouldn’t categorize it as overly flirty. He thought back to their physical interactions at the bar, okay, maybe his hand on her thigh and her playing with his drink was a little flirtatious. But that could be boiled down to him being close to hear her in the bar and her idle fingers wanting something to do while she was drunk. The footsy, though. He wasn’t sure if he could explain that one away. Instead, he would choose to ignore it. If he didn’t think about it, did it actually happen? Was it something he had to worry about? Not in his mind.

Returning his focus to the girl in the window across from him, his smirk was now fully fleshed out on his face. She was still sitting on her knees as Harry looked down at her and if they were in the same room this might have seemed like a rather compromising position. Her cheeks were still red, noticing the difference in height, she clambered to her feet.

“G’morning,” Harry’s voice is groggy and deep. Scratchy almost from the alcohol he had drank last night. It rings through her ears lowly and seems to have her blushing even more. It’s a different feeling than how his voice used to make her feel.

“Hey,” She clears her throat before responding, not wanting her morning voice to crack in front of Harry. Usually she would talk to herself a bit or sing along to her music before going downstairs, not wanting her first customers to hear her as if she just woke up. For some reason, she makes a little wave along with her greeting, feeling especially awkward at this moment. Harry chuckles and repeats her motion. His large hands mimicking the same daunting motion makes her laugh and releases some of the nervous energy she had been holding in her body.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he openly flirts, placing one hand on his naked torso and the other against the frame of the window, leaning towards her. His movement flexes just about every muscle in his body and she keeps her eyes trained on his face, determined not to be caught gawking once more.

A roll of her eyes and she’s back to staring straight into his green ones that he’s still blinking awake. “It’s almost like we’re neighbors.”

He scrunches his nose at her deadpan. “You’re no fun,” he mutters.

She sighs, “I’m fucking hungover after last night…” and runs a hand through her tousled hair.

Her foot rests itself over her other, causing her hip to just out slightly. The movement of her body that accentuated her curves and her words have Harry blushing now. The red flowers at the center of his chest and begins to spread up his neck and cheeks. He’s once again presented with the almost kiss last night.

“Big night out for you,” he laughs, “I’ll admit I don’t usually drink that much, bit of a lightweight myself.”

She only hums in response, her fingers beginning to twiddle with the hem of her t-shirt. It reminds her of what she is precisely dressed in. The big t-shirt and tiny pajama shorts that Harry can’t even see are the only things on her body besides the socks on her feet. She glances down at her legs and takes in the expanse of fleshy skin that is showing just below the shirt. Harry’s eyes follow hers and admires the skin there, wondering what it would feel like underneath his big hands.

“I should probably start getting ready for the day,” She says finally, shaking herself from the random thoughts flitting around her mind about bare thighs and the man across from her. “Are you open today?”

Harry emits a noise from the back of his throat at her question. He draws his arm back from the window and stands up straight. His head tilts as he thinks about her question, his mind still muddled this morning.

“Er..no, actually. I was planning on going out on the boat today, switching my closed day to today instead of tomorrow. Why?”

“I’m in need of shoe repair,” she smiles, her eyes catching the glimmer of the sun starting to peak out. Harry swears it’s her eyes genuinely sparkling on their own accord. “But if you’re out today, it can wait.” She begins to walk away from the window to go to another room in her apartment.

“No!” Harry steps forward, but is restricted by the screen, which keeps him from falling out of his window. She swivels around, looking at him curiously. “I can - you can just come over. I’ll fix it up for you before I head out.”

“Really?” She’s truly surprised that Harry would do such a nice thing for her. She knew they were getting along better, but for him to open shop just for her repair seemed overly nice.

“I mean,” and Harry’s once again blushing under her gaze and he’s hoping she can’t see it. “What are neighbors for?”

“I guess,” she’s still unsure. He seems like he’s nervous, his body tenses and one of his hands twisted in his curls. Harry’s so weird. “Thanks.”

-

She jogs the short distance from her front door to Harry’s once she’s ready. The pair of deep teal almost navy loafers she needed new soles in - she was pretty sure - in hand. A red pinstripe blouse half buttoned falling over her figure perfectly, hugging the right spots and flowing over the others. She’s in white jeans today that are flared slightly but also cropped. As it gets closer to Halloween she keeps having to remind herself not to dress festive and it’s a struggle everyday.

When she reaches the door, it doesn’t open. The cream door doesn’t budge as she tempts the handle with her free hand. She looks between the handle and the inside of the shop. Her eyes search for Harry’s figure. She had been inside his shop only a handful of times, never for a repair before. Maybe less than a handful, once to check it out and once again when she thought she needed a new pair of shoes and then decided against it. Oh, and that one time she went over to yell at him about something. Maybe the planters, maybe the shade, she couldn’t remember anymore.

Now that she thought about it, she had been in the bookshop once more. Two and a half years ago when she had visited the little border town for the first time. It was a little fuzzy for a memory, but she was sure she had at least peaked into the shoe shop after her lengthy visit with Marie the second day there. It looked just as it did now, maybe it used to be a little more vibrant, but she couldn’t be sure. She remembered an older man in the shop greeting her in Italian and her offering her sad ‘Ciao’. Back then she was even worse at Italian. He had looked at her with kind eyes and a sweet smile. It was a similar lopsided grin that she had now grown accustomed to on another man’s face. After beckoning her over to him the old man had turned away from her and shouted into the back of the store in quick Italian. It blew over her head completely. There must have been someone in the back of the shop who he had talked to. She was sure of it, because after she had perused the cute boots and shoes he kept, she saw a swish of hair coming around the counter. It was just as she was turning around to exit the shop, after she had bid farewell to the man she now connected as Joe. Whoever it was had long hair and was tall, slinking out into the main shop floor. The mysterious stranger was whoever Joe had shouted to in the back.

Y/N wasn’t the quickest when it came to timelines and how people could change over time. She didn’t connect the year she had visited with the year of someone else's arrival or the same chestnut waves cascading around someone’s face, just now much shorter. It made perfect sense who would be in the back of the store, but for some reason the idea of time and hair length were standing in this girl’s way. Oh well, maybe Harry would spell it out to her someday.

Harry finally rounds the counter that separated the back room to the front. The shoe shop was set up a little different from the bookstore. Her counter was right when you came in while Harry’s was about halfway through the shop. He shakes his head and laughs at her expression. The sound brings her out of her memory as well as a grimace on her face.

“Sorry, I was a million years away.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s ‘a million miles away’, love.” Harry continues chuckling while correcting the girl in front of him.

She holds up her pair of shoes, ignoring his teasing. “Fix my shoes, shoe man.”  

His smile drops and he walks back from the door. His feet taking back steps as he beckons her into the interior of the shop. When they reach the corner, he takes the shoes from her hands and places them between their bodies. The teal loafers stare up at them. Harry inspects them, a serious expression falling over his features. His brows scrunch together slightly, the wrinkles in his forehead growing more prominent as he examines the shoes. Large hands reach out and begin to finger over the patent leather on the top and the leather soles. After a few minutes of silent deliberation, he places down one of the shoes and then holds the other up as if to showcase it.

“These,” he juts out the shoe in his hand, “need new soles. What did you do to ‘em?”

“I wear them a lot.” She insists while Harry looks on quizzically.

“I’ve never seen you wear these.”

Her brow quirks at his comment. “I wore them a lot before I got here,” she corrects. “They’ve been feeling wonky every time I try to wear them, must be because they need new soles.”

Harry nods, now satisfied with her answer. He hums, regarding the teal shoe in his hand once again. “Alright.”

She looks at him confused once again. “Alright what? Can you fix them?” What does he mean by ‘Alright’? “I’ve honestly missed wearing them these past few months.”  

Harry bites his tongue, a quip ready to be voiced. He’d gotten so used to fighting with her, he was confused how it had slipped away all so easily. His fear of them not talking if they stopped fighting didn’t seem to come to fruition so he could rest easy on that front. But now he was going to have to retrain his brain not to be rude after every comment Y/N made.

“Yeah, of course.” He sighs, placing the shoe next to its mate and then turning his face to her. She had been chewing on her bottom lip, actually worried for her shoes. They really were her favorites. She’d had them forever and it would be heartbreaking if they had to be thrown out. If she couldn’t wear them though she was almost sure she’d just let them collect dust in her closet rather than dispose of them if it really came down to it.

“But it’s like a good amount of my day to replace soles…”

Her face falls, but she tries to hide it. She knew Harry was doing a favor by taking a look right now. If he could fix them it didn’t matter when he did it. What he says next though truly throws her off. No normal enemy-ship turned somewhat friendship overnight would engage in what Harry was about to propose. If any such relationship other than her and Harry actually existed.

“Do you want to come out on my boat today?” His brow arches, his lips in a soft smile, he’s being genuine.

“Why would I do that?” Her brows raise along with her voice, taken off guard by his suggestion.

“More fun waiting for me to fix your shoes on a boat than in your shop.” He says simply before taking the shoes and placing them in a little cubby hole behind the counter for safe keeping. “Trust me, you’ll love it.” Her expression doesn’t change. “Just say yes,” He pleads now.

She sighs, “Fine.” All of the reasons not to go out on Harry’s boat are at the forefront of her mind, but she still finds herself saying yes easily. His pleading really wasn’t necessary to get her to agree. The bookstore could live with being closed today, it wasn’t going to hurt anyone.

[ladyeliot]

No pressure

Request: Anonymous. Hiiii! I had a Chris Evans x reader request. The reader is famous and has to go through a stalker who breaks into her home. She calls 911 and isn't hurt, but Chris wasn't there so he comes to her and visits her and comforts her. It could be fluffy. It's ok if you don't want to do it. I'm sorry if it sucks. 😊

Pairing: Chris Evans x Fem!Reader

Warning: Stalker and at the end fluff.

Word count: 1636

Notes: Thank you very much for the request, I loved it. In the end I modified the character of the stalker a bit, but everything else is there. / English is not my native language, sorry for the mistakes.

Anyone could have said that having a nice comfortable life in a country house in the middle of the countryside and with a regular job could be very boring, but that was all you needed on days like this. The energy consumption of your life prevented you from enjoying the little things. Day after day you would arrive home after midnight after spending more than 10 hours a day locked up in a recording studio and if you were lucky at least 2 of the 10 hours had been profitable. When you weren't in the studio, you were touring in the remotest places on earth and when that didn't happen you were probably promoting the new album.

Without a doubt it was an unimaginable life, which during your childhood had been a dream for you, and after effort and persistence you had achieved it. However, it wasn't all that beautiful, and the sacrifices you made were endless.

Like any other Saturday you arrived home after 00:30 and because of the low traffic in Los Angeles your arrival was delayed by about 45 minutes. Crestwood Hills was a lovely residential neighbourhood to live in, with nice views of the Santa Monica Mountains and the coast, but quite problematic if you wanted to go from your studio in Venice Beach, yet you knew you wouldn't move from that house for anything.

The automatic garage door opened as soon as you got close to it, when it opened you could see the Christmas lights that you hung around the palm tree at the entrance last week, which gave a homely feeling to your garden, and that made you think of the comfort your bed would provide when you lay down in it.

The door closed behind the car and with great heaviness you picked up the guitar and went to the entrance door, thinking about how much you wanted to fall on the bed. To your surprise you saw a dim light coming out of the living room, accompanied by a pleasant smell of your favourite sauce. Strangely enough, you left your guitar on the floor, right next to the umbrella stand, and headed towards the light. The first thing that crossed your mind was that you had probably forgotten some date with Chris, or maybe some special date. However, there was nothing scheduled in your diary, so you assumed it would be a surprise that I had prepared.

"Mr. Evans?" you said with a half smile.

You entered the living room and right next to the window that led to the garden you came across a mahogany table decorated with purple tulips and two candles on each side, complemented by the plates and cutlery and a small note on your plate. You couldn't help but deny with your face as you smiled.

-This night is all ours. Just make yourself comfortable, enjoy and ask me for whatever you want.-

You arched an eyebrow forgetting how tired you were and how many things you would ask for if he only made himself available to you. A loud noise coming from the kitchen made you think about those juicy thoughts. You put the note back in its place, and leaned in, trying to expand your change of vision.

"Is everything all right out there?" you burst out laughing. "Aren't you going to come and give me my welcome?"

The feeling of happiness that had invaded your body vanished in an instant, unless Chris had shrunk a few inches, worn long hair and taken on a feminine look.

"What? What the hell are you doing here? How did you get into my house?!" Every pore of your body began to give off an intense heat that was present in your cheeks.

In an instant you rushed to her, taking away all the kitchen gadgets that were in her hands. The situation went from the most romantic to the darkest, and even a bit comical if you think about it coldly. The story you had with that person was long and full of chapters, but even so the current situation had gone too far.

"Get out of my house" you stretched out your right arm and pointed to the front door. "I have no idea how you got in, but the only thought that you've been wandering around, touching my things and preparing food in my kitchen is making me very nervous.

"Does that make you nervous now? We have to talk, you know that...", your ex-confident could not finish his words.

"Get out! I know that you haven't stopped following me since I came from Memphis, that you're there every night when I go out waiting for me at the back door of the studio and that more than once I've seen you on the beach when I go for a run. I told you and I'm telling you again, it's all over, there's no more, it's been a year and a half. And now get out of my house if you don't want me to call the police."

“It's all over, there's no more? What a harsh word for you" the honey-coloured eyes of the young woman who was just a few metres away from you, turned, but she hardly moved from her place. "After all this time, after all I've done for you!

"For me?! I can't believe it..." your tone calmed down, you had gone from anger to bitterness in a few seconds.  "Are you listening to yourself?"

She barely showed a clear intention to leave, you knew her well, but the last few months she had become a complete stranger to you.

"It's okay, you asked for it," you took the mobile phone out of your back pocket and typed in 911. "If you don't want to leave my house, and tell me how you got in, explain it to the police.

The fight of looks continued, it seemed that she wasn't going to give her arm to the wall and although you didn't want to put on any show either, as you preferred to do it on stage, you knew that if she didn't see against the sword and the wall she wouldn't leave your house. You hated her for getting you where you were going.

"911, what is the address of your emergency?" you stared for the last time into her eyes waiting for her to make a gesture to leave.

Time stopped and the wait became eternal, both for you and for the female voice coming out of the earpiece.

“911, what is the address of your emergency” repeated the woman.

The girl in front of you smiled uncertainly as she reached into the right pocket of her jeans and pulled out some keys, the keys to your house along with an alarm control.

"You got it," she whispered, heading for the exit door.

“911, what is the address of your emergency?”

"Nothing" you said with a thread of voice contemplating the keys on the kitchen counter and with your heart racing because of the amount of contradictions that had just happened.

Thirty-five minutes passed before Chris' car was planted in front of your house. During that time you got rid of the whole scenario that person had set up, avoiding leaving any trace of it. Chris arrived with an expression of disbelief mixed with irritation, all you needed was someone to calm you down, but in the end you had to spend fifteen minutes trying to get him to relax.

"I'm sorry" said Chris. He put his arms around you and put a little kiss in your hair. "I just... I don't want to take thirty minutes to get here if anything happens.”

"I don't think she'll show up again," you said sure of that fact.

"I don't care. Today this happened, tomorrow anything else can happen," he said kissing your hair again, and realising how serious he was being changed his tone to one of comedy. "If I could I would wrap you in bubble wrap so nothing would happen to you."

"You know that wrapping obsesses me, in less than two hours all the bubbles would be bursting," your comment made Chris laugh, so you could finally breathe easy when you saw him like that again.

"Come here."

The hug broke up and Chris led you to the sofa, sitting in a position where you were facing each other.

"Listen. I've been thinking..."

"Thinking?" you arched an eyebrow after the playful comment, trying to break its seriousness again.

"Yes, honey, sometimes I think," Chris responded to your comment with the same playful tone. "No, listen, I know you're not very friendly about serious conversations, but listen to me. I've been thinking, and I've been thinking about the idea of living together. Don't think it's because of what happened today, or what I said before, I've been thinking about it since last month when we spent Thanksgiving in Boston," you nodded slightly, wrapping yourself in memories of that familiar day. "I'm not asking you to do it immediately, I just want you to think about it, no pressure.”

"No pressure," you repeated arching an eyebrow and looking at Chris' hands that were on your lap.

"No pressure," he imitated.

"Okay," you whispered, taking one of his hands and giving him a slow kiss on the back of his hand as you let yourself be enveloped by his gaze. "I'll think about it."

It took you just two seconds to approach her lips and seal your answer with a kiss.

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[nnightskiess]

santana lopez imagine

i kinda combined two requests together bc i thought they’d fit well!

a/n: this is for u elena. sorry you had to wait so long♡ 

also, i wanted to try and show that soft and nervous side of santana that came out at the beginning with dani, so i’m sorry if it feels out of character sometimes. (i did my best lol)

“So, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few months.” 

Y/N was having lunch with her friends from back home. It had been hard to keep in touch with them now that she had been living in New York for over a year. Not that she’d complain, since she gained multiple new friends and... well, a relationship. And not with just anyone— with Santana Lopez, whose singing career skyrocketed after a duet on Mercedes Jones’ album. She got a record deal a month after and her first EP was a hit. She went on tour with her first album but had vanished off the face of the earth after her very public breakup with her high school girlfriend and her backup dancer, Brittany S. Pierce. She stopped posting on social media, she wasn’t spotted by paparazzi anymore and her plans for a second album were now off the table. It was clear to everyone that the breakup had broken the girl. That was until she walked into the diner she used to work at and locked eyes with Y/N. Santana didn’t want to fall in love with anyone else and wasn’t completely over Brittany, so it wasn’t love at first sight. 

But the moment Y/N stole the show while taking the lead singing Shout by The Trammps, she knew there was something special about the girl. Was it her voice that Santana’s mind went to when she lied in bed that night? Or the twinkle in her eyes when she sang? Or perhaps the way her smile widened a tad bit more when she looked at Santana?  

Santana found herself go back to the diner on days where she’d rather sit in bed and cry. She’d forget her sorrow in moments they locked eyes but could cry again when Y/N wasn’t working that day. 

Santana had taken her notebook with her, the one she would never let anyone read— well, except for Brittany. It’s where most of her songs were born and where her most delicate and vulnerable thoughts were being kept. She’d never been too keen on sharing emotions with everyone, so writing them down was a great alternative. 

“I normally wouldn’t ask, but I’ve seen you here with that notebook now at least a couple of times... Are you writing a book?”

Santana’s head shot up. Y/N was standing next to her table, wiping her hands onto her apron.

Santana cracked a soft smile, “No—actually, I’m writing songs... a song... well, trying to, at least. My label wants-” She swallowed her sentence, she didn’t want this girl to know about any of that drama. 

Y/N seemed to ignore it.

“You sing?”

Santana nodded but furrowed her eyebrows when Y/N sat down in front of her. “Go on, then. Let me hear what you’ve got so far.”

“Oh, no no no-”

Y/N pursed her lips, “Did it happen not too long ago?” she asked after a couple of seconds of Santana trying to get out of this situation. 

She rose her eyebrows, unsure of how Y/N read the situation so well, 

“It’s actually been a while but it still hurts.” She caught herself confessing.

“Then I won’t pry. I’ll leave you to it.” Y/N slid out of the booth, “Oh, and— I happen to know that our strawberry milkshake is the best medicine to heartbreak. It’s on me.”

“Thanks...” Santana watched her leave into the kitchen and immediately rubbed her temples when the girl left her sight. No, no, no, no. Not again. But wasn’t this exactly the reason she had started visiting the diner more and more? To spike up a conversation with the girl? She cursed at herself, stood up, grabbed her stuff and left the diner. She wasn’t ready yet. She could take the short glances and attention, but that was the line. The only woman she had truly trusted was no longer with her, she couldn’t open up to anyone again. 

Through the window of the diner she could see the girl with a disappointed expression on her face the moment she realised Santana had left. But Santana didn’t turn around and kept walking. 

✫彡

“Okay, stop crushing my spirit. I wanted a nice dinner with you.”

“Then you should’ve just asked Berry over for dinner. I’m sure she’d tell you all about her awfully cheerful day.”

Kurt put his hand on Santana’s so that she would stop playing with her food. She glared at him. 

“You can glare at me all you want, but we’re not going to brush things under the carpet. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Santana dropped her cutlery and sat back, crossing her arms. “We’re not talking about Britt again. You want to help me move on? Then fucking stop bringing it up.”

“No, not that. There’s something else. I can sense it.”

“Since when do you have a Mexican third eye as well?”

“Off topic.” Kurt waved her off. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Santana lowered her head and slightly looked up at him, trying to decide wether to share or not. 

“Is the label pressuring you?” He tried.

Santana sighed, “Well, yes, that too.”

Kurt waited patiently for Santana to feel comfortable enough to share the rest.

“They were okay with delaying the start of my second album but now they’re starting to breathe down my neck. They say it’s been long enough and that i’m just deadweight they have to pay but get nothing in return for, which is fair— but still. I’m only human, I’m not some super song-writing machine like Mercedes.”

“I thought you loved writing songs?”

“Yeah... when I had Brittany.” Santana looked at her lap and started playing with her hands. “Now that I don’t have her... I can’t seem to even write one sentence... and when I do, they’re all just too gloomy or depressing.”

Kurt nodded in understanding. “Well, Adele wrote one whole album about her breakup which sold like Wonka bars. Who says you can’t?”

Santana shook her head, “You don’t get it. I don’t want to sing about her anymore, even though it might help me move on. But the thing is...” she bit her lip, “I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“Then write about how you can’t write. Write about how you want to feel instead of feeling like your heart has been ripped out. Write about conquering this heartbreak, like a powerful song?”

“How?” Santana looked up, tears in her eyes. 

“By remembering who you were before.”

“But I’ve been with Britt for as long as I-”

Kurt shook his head and waved his hands around, “No, think of the Santana in high school. You were fierce, strong, not afraid to speak your mind but you also had a big heart. You didn’t want to show it often but we all knew yours was just as big, if not bigger, as ours. Remember how it felt every time you got a solo and when you stood on the stage? Write about that feeling. Write about feeling on top of the world again.”

“Thanks, Hummel.”

He smiled at her and squeezed her hands, “Anytime. Now eat before it gets cold. I didn’t spend two hours in the kitchen for nothing.”

✫彡

Santana walked out off the apartment she had rented after her breakup with Brittany and crossed the street. She needed some fresh air and a distraction from her song-writing. Spring was around the corner but it was still very chilly in the big city, so she held the collar of her coat while walking through the tiny park close to her block. She started humming the melody she’d just come up with. Something just didn’t feel right yet.

Santana saw people look at her as they passed by but hoped that the big sunglasses on her face would keep them guessing of her identity. No matter how much she loved the attention from her fans, she sometimes just wanted to be normal and not have to pose for selfies every damn day.

“Hey, you!”

She sighed and stopped to turn around since she’d look like a real ass if she didn’t. She half expected to be met with a group of teenage girls with their phones ready to snap a picture, but instead she locked eyes with the girl from the diner.

“I think you dropped this.”

The girl apparently didn’t seem to recognise her thanks to the shades, and she handed her a crumbled piece of paper.

“Oh— um, thanks.” Santana gave her a tight-lipped smile. She stared back at the girl.

“I know you.”   (weren’t you in a movie with my sister? lmao sorry i had to, let’s continue)

Oh, no. The girl couldn’t find out that Santana was the woman who had basically stood her up after their talk in that diner.

She let out a breathy chuckle, “Do you?” 

“Yeah, you look familiar.” Something in Santana hoped that the girl recognised her for being a celebrity, not for what happened a week ago.

Y/N shamelessly looked her up and down before snapping her finger.

“Milkshake girl. I recognise your voice.”

Santana smiled awkwardly. Great, now she definitely looked like a douche. 

“Sorry about that, by the way... I-”

“No need to apologise. I probably came on too strong, sorry for giving you the wrong impression. I only wanted to cheer you up.” She smiled back, “It’s a shame though, it was a great milkshake.”

Santana’s expression softened, relieved at how well the girl had taken it. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you again after that... You used to come in every few days. Is it my fault? Gunther would kill me if I lost him a customer. Wait— Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business.”

Santana smiled and removed her glasses.

“If he ever gets mad at you, just give him a box of Yeast-I-Stat. That’ll pretty much shut him up.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, “How do you-”

“I worked there for a long time when I first moved to New York.” Santana shrugged, “I was pretty desperate for any kind of job when I landed that commercial.”

“Oh my God, you’re the Yeast-I-Stat girl!? I knew I recognised you from somewhere else, too.” The girl gasped, “I like yeast in my bagel... but not in my muffin.” She mocked and laughed afterwards.

“Oh, shut up, will you?” Santana shook her head in amusement, kinda glad those days were over.

“Is that really what you know me of?”

“Yeah, what else should I know you of? Any other embarrassing first-job commercials I should know about?”

Santana was about to mention her career but stopped herself. Clean slate. She wasn’t a celebrity in her private life. Besides, she didn’t want the girl to think she was bragging.

“No... thank God.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds before smiling.

“I’m Y/N.” She held out her hand for Santana to shake.

“Santana.”

Y/N smiled at her with the most adorable smile ever. Santana didn’t miss the twinkle in her eyes. 

She blinked a few times before shaking her head, “So, yeah. I should get going.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. I have to go, too...”

“Bye...” 

Santana waved softly as the girl turned around and walked off.

Clean slate, Santana.

✫彡

“They’re doing a Gloria Estefan night at the Spotlight Diner. We should totally go.”

“Not that I’m complaining, but that sounds out of character for the diner.” Rachel shrugged.

“I guess they finally had a cultural awakening.” Santana was mindlessly scrolling through her phone. “They’re probably too white to sing her Spanish songs though, bet they’re gonna butcher it.”

“So that’s a no for reserving us a table?” Kurt turned to the two.

“No, I wanna go.” 

“Count me in, too. I love ‘Conga’.”

Santana rolled her eyes, “That’s the only song you know of her, isn’t it?”

“No...”

“Keep next Friday night free.” 

✫彡

They walked in as ‘A Bailar’ by Gloria silently played over the speakers in the background. Santana scanned the room, shamelessly trying to find the girl she was looking for. Unfortunately, she was nowhere in sight. 

Kurt waved his hand and one of the waitresses came to take their order. They talked a bit as they waited for their food. Every time Santana saw a girl in the red outfit walk by from the corner of her eyes, her head would shot up, only to be disappointed again when it wasn’t Y/N.

“Tana, stop ogling everyone. Your food’s getting jealous.” Rachel pointed at the untouched plate in front of her. 

A few minutes later, their heads shot to the door as Y/N bursted through it. She quickly fixed her hair that was messed up by the wind and quickly tied a white apron around her waist. Gunther came from behind the counter. Though they couldn’t hear what he said, it was clear she was in trouble. He kept pointing his finger at her chest before snatching the apron off her waist and sending her into the back. 

“Oh, I bet she’s on cleaning duty now. Remember when I got an hour late because I was held up at an audition?”

Kurt and Rachel started talking but Santana wasn’t paying attention. 

Santana furrowed her eyebrows until she got a call from her PR manager. She declined and a few seconds after, she got a text.

Santana’s stomach sank and she froze. New relationship? Brittany had already moved on? Yet she still spent every day moping around, overthinking everything that had happened, unable to write any song that wasn’t about the blonde. Brittany was already giving someone else all her love? How was that fair? How was she even able to do that?

“Santana?”

“You alright?”

She snapped out of it and gave them a tightlipped, fake smile. There was no time for them to question her any further as Rachel let out a startled yelp when suddenly the first notes of ‘Conga’ blasted through the diner. The lights flickered and changed colour on the beat. Santana rolled her eyes, of course they’d start with that song. 

Girls started dancing through the pathways and tried to hype everyone up. Kurt was shimmying along and Rachel was nodding her head to the beat, a big smile on her face. Santana tried to blend but she was busy biting her lip to stop herself from crying. 

The percussion band on the little stage started playing ‘Cuba Libre’. A girl danced her way onto the stage and sang the Spanish verse. She was clearly hispanic since her pronunciation was great. Two girls started dancing on the counter and another helped someone up—Y/N. 

‘Cuba Libra’ faded into the chorus of ‘Turn the Beat Around’ to which Y/N took the lead. Santana’s frown softened at seeing the girl perform, but she still couldn’t shake the thought of Brittany off.

Santana sank back into her seat and crossed her arms, wanting to go home and crawl into her bed and not leave it for the next couple of days. She hadn’t even realised that another song was already playing and that the girls were pulling people out of their seats to ‘Get on Your Feet’. 

Y/N spotted Santana in the crowd and walked over to her, but Santana wouldn’t crack a smile. Y/N kept singing to her until she’d turn around. Kurt softly shook his head at the girl, telling her that she should leave Santana alone. But what he didn’t know, was that the girls already knew each other. Y/N noticed how Santana pursed her lips, not giving in to her. 

Y/N grabbed her shoulders, bent down to her height and slowly made the girl turn.

She sang to her,

“Deep in your heart is the answer. Find it, I know it will pull you through. Get on your feet!”

She leaned over to grab Rachel and Kurt’s hands, helping them stand up. Almost everyone in the diner was up and dancing right now, except for Santana. Kurt gave her a look, telling her to suck it up. 

“I think it's true that we've all been through some nasty weather,” Y/N turned to dance with one of her co-workers. She felt Santana look at her and walked back up to her. She danced around her. “Let's understand that we're here to handle things together.”

Y/N stuck out her tongue at Santana’s stoic expression, trying to break her. And it worked, Santana let out a soft chuckle and shook her head in amusement. Both Y/N and Kurt held out a hand for her to take. She rolled her eyes and stood up. The four of them danced together for a few seconds until Y/N walked back to the other girls. They ended the song on the stage, where everyone left but Y/N. They went back to eating their dinner as the next few songs would be slow and easy on the ears. 

Y/N sat down on the stool next to the guitarist. He started playing the soft notes of ‘Wrapped’. Kurt and Rachel went back to eating their food but Santana was too mesmerised by the girl to engage in their conversation. The soft light that was shining down on her made her look like she was the only one in the room. And judging by the look on the girl’s face while she sang, she felt like she was the only one in the room too. She hadn’t once opened her eyes the first minute, she was just so indulged in the song. 

A small smile made its way onto Santana’s face at the sight. She knew how good it felt to be so into a song that you could just forget the world around you— to find your corner of the sky. It was very obvious that Y/N felt at ease, even while performing in front of people. It was rare to see people be so clearly in love with what they were doing. 

Santana grabbed her phone, opened Instagram and decided to film this moment. Y/N’s face wasn’t recognisable from the distance where Santana was filming from so she decided to just put it into her story. Everyone deserved to see this. 

Was this positive and uplifting enough?

✫彡

‘What we know of Santana and Brittany’s breakup...’

‘Read what Brittany S Pierce has to say about her ex’

‘Santana’s social media silence over?’

‘Santana Lopez still in love or in love again?’

And many more headlines had been posted after that Friday. Santana got a lot of followers after her first post in over a year. She had also gotten a lot of hate, which was something she hadn’t missed. Brittany hadn’t said one bad word about their relationship or about Santana but for some reason she still received backlash. Brittany spoke so highly about Santana and all the questions were answered with respect. But Santana wasn’t surprised about that at all, that was just how Brittany was.

There were still people—mainly Brittany fans—who blamed Santana and made all kinds of crazy assumptions about what had happened. 

“Just delete the app. You don’t need that kind of toxic energy around you.”

Y/N was filling the ketchup bottles while she sat in front of Santana. 

How had this happened, you ask? One of Y/N’s coworkers had recognised her on Santana’s story and pointed it out to her. When Santana visited the diner again, Y/N had jokingly apologised about not knowing who she was before, to which Santana had replied,

“You knew who I was. You knew the real me. Not the celebrity or crazy hot girl from the Yeast-I-Stat commercials.”

After that, Santana made sure to come round when Y/N was done or only doing little chores. 

Y/N loved that she got a new friend and Santana was glad that she finally had someone who she could start over with. Someone who didn’t know her from back in high school and someone who didn’t become friends with her solely for the fact that she was famous.

“I can’t. They want me to post at least once a week.” Santana groaned, “I don’t even know what to post. All I do is sleep, try to write and go here.”

They worked in silence for a few minutes until Y/N opened her mouth again.

“Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetables?”

Santana furrowed her eyebrows, giving her a look. 

“No guesses? Well, they can’t ketchup.”

Santana snorted and shook her head. “Wow, okay. I’m going to pretend you didn’t just make an awful joke.”

“Yeah, you go do that while I bring these to the back.”

Santana watched her leave and sighed. The past week had been hell for Santana. She yearned for every little bit of attention from Y/N and her insides turned to mush whenever the girl smiled at her. But something held her back. She didn’t want to fall in love again. Not yet, not when she still held her high school sweetheart in her heart. But it was so hard to not stare at Y/N or freak out whenever she called her on the phone. 

“Ready?”

Santana laughed at the huge guitar in Y/N’s hands. She seemed so small now. 

“What’s that for?”

“You said you didn’t know what to post. You should post a little acoustic cover of that song I helped you finish last week?”

Santana looked at her, contemplating if she should agree or not. 

“Can you even play?”

Y/N smiled sheepishly, “Only that song. I practiced the chords all week. But hey, if I mess up— just know that i’m willing to publicly embarrass myself just to help you out.”

Santana smiled at her in adoration. “Fine. Okay.”

They walked to the vacant stage and put Santana’s phone on the sheet music standard.

“Oh-I... I’ll scoot out of the frame if me being in it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Why would it make me uncomfortable?”

Y/N laughed, “People might assume we’re together after all the assumptions about you in the magazines. That would be weird.”

Santana’s expression faltered. “O-Oh...yeah.. it would...” She faked a smile.

Y/N started strumming the guitar.

(radio silence by naya rivera)

Santana closed her eyes as she started singing. It was clear to everyone that this song was about Brittany and she wasn’t ready yet to let them hear the whole song. It felt too personal to give it away just like that. Which is why they decided to do just a snippet. 

She opened her eyes and looked at Y/N when one chord sounded terrible. You could hear Y/N giggle from behind the phone. Santana smiled wide and had a hard time singing without laughing. Y/N stuck out her tongue as she seemed focused on getting the next one right. Santana unintentionally looked at her longingly the last few notes but broke out of it when Y/N stopped playing. 

✫彡

Should she be thanking the tabloids? No, never. However, she couldn’t deny that they had been the reason why Y/N had even brought it up. 

“Do you like me?” 

Santana widened her eyes.

“And I don’t mean as friends. I mean like-like. Do you like-like me?”

“I-uh, I-” Santana stammered. 

“It would be really embarrassing if you didn’t, to be honest.”

Santana gave her a wary but panicked look.

“Because I do... like-like you, I mean.”

“Wow, wait— what?”

She opened and closed her mouth until she saw the honesty on Y/N’s face who let her statement linger in the air, hoping that Santana would say something. But the silence only heightened her nerves

“Santana-”

“I can’t... I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”

She quickly grabbed her stuff and left the diner, just like she had done the first time. 

She rushed home, biting her lip to prevent the tears in her eyes from falling. The second she unlocked her front door, she let them go. Santana tried to control her sobs as she sat on the couch, holding her head in her hands. 

Her safety net whenever she felt lost or emotional— Brittany — was gone, what was she supposed to do now? She let out another sob as she missed Britt’s arms holding her close. 

She reached for her phone without a second thought and dialled the woman’s number. Brittany picked up after a few seconds, much to Santana’s surprise.

“Hey, um, Santana. What’s up?”

Brittany decided to break the ice, but all formalities were thrown out the window when she heard the Latina let out another sob.

“Santana, are you okay?! What’s happened? Where are you?”

Was she okay? No. But what was she supposed to tell Brittany? That it was partly because of her?

“Please, say something, Tana. I’m worried.”

Santana held the bridge of her nose and let out a big, shaky sigh.

“Please forget that I called, this was a mistake. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

She hung up. But the phone rang after a few seconds. Santana tossed it next to her on the couch and rubbed her forehead. How could she have been so stupid?

It rang again. And again, and then another three times. Santana stared at the screen long and hard before picking it up. 

“Don’t shut me out, please. You know I still care about you when something’s wrong.”

Santana let out a huff and Brittany knew exactly what that meant.

“Santana, listen— I am so, so sorry for what happened. I too thought that we would be the happiest and sappiest couple forever but... some things just... happen. And I still completely understand how hard it was for you to stay friends with me without being with me and I’m so terribly sorry for that they brought you up in that interview— but I meant everything I said, Santana. You were the best thing that happened to me back then. And to me you still are my best and most incredible friend but... that’s just it.”

A long pause.

“And I kind of really miss hanging out with you and so does Lord Tubbington so if you’re comfortable with the idea, would you want to get together sometime soon? Wait— not get together-together, just... argh, you know what I mean.”

“How did you do it?” Santana broke her silence. “What changed in your mind for you to get the closure you needed? Because I never fucking got it.”

Brittany kept quiet, knowing there was more to follow.

“I have spent a whole year feeling like absolute shit, but I knew... that there was no way that we’d ever get together again. But the closure? Nope.” She furrowed her eyebrows in frustration. “And lately there’s been this incredible girl in my life and guess what? You two are fighting for first place in my head and I can’t help but want to push her out because I’m not ready to let her stay there until you are completely out of my thoughts.”

She heard Brittany let out a breath.

“Sant-”

“Oh, no, no, no. I don’t need a pity-party. I don’t-”

“Santana Lopez, listen to me.” Brittany raised her voice. “If your plan is to sabotage your own happiness, then congratulations— you’re well on your way. It’s no wonder that you’re having a hard time moving on. I mean, one— I’m a catch but two, we were together since high school, that’s a long time. We were each other’s first loves and truth be told, you never really forget those. You’ll compare every following relationship to that one, even if it was full of flaws. Truth is, you’ll never be able to move on or get the closure until you open yourself up to idea of loving someone else again. And I know how you work— you don’t ever want to open up to someone again but... if you give this girl a chance, who knows? She might be the one to change your mind. And I’ll cross my fingers she will. I hope she’ll kick me off first place like a rugby player.” Brittany snorted at her own joke. 

“Because you deserve a special someone too, Santana. And if you still don’t have the closure you need... I loved you, I cared for you, and in a way I still do. But we won’t ever get together again. That ship has sailed. I want you to be happy and I want to see you flourish in every aspect of life, just... without me being your special someone. I’d still very much like to be by your side, though, but as a friend.”

Santana let the words sink in until she suddenly widened her eyes. 

“I am such a fucking idiot.”

“Um... are we having the same phone call? Because I’m lost...”

“She told me she liked me and I ran out.”

“Was that metaphorically speaking or did you literally run out?”

“Like a chicken, Brittany.”

“Santana!? Be Chicken Little and run back!” Brittany exclaimed, “But watch out for the traffic, please, because that would be a tragic end to the story....and it would be animal abuse...”

Santana smiled softly, missing this side of Brittany.

“Okay, okay!” She laughed. 

“Keep me posted?”

Santana hummed, “Thank you, Britt.”

“Of course. You’re still my best friend, even if we haven’t seen each other in over a year. Go get the girl.”

✫彡

Santana hesitantly walked back into the diner. It wasn’t rush hour so there were only a few people having a drink.

“See you guys tomorrow!”

Y/N walked out of the backroom and froze in her spot when she saw Santana looking at her. A tightlipped, awkward smile appeared on her face and she tried to walk passed her but Santana grabbed her hand. 

“Wait, I-...I need to tell you something.”

Santana looked the girl in her eyes, seeing the anticipation and worry in them. But then she saw something else, she saw the same twinkle in her eyes when Y/N sang so beautifully that night. Only this time they were twinkling because she was looking at Santana.

She grabbed the girl’s cheek and planted a chaste kiss on Y/N’s lips. Y/N widened her eyes at first but kissed back. They parted when a bell coming from the kitchen interrupted them.

“So much for needing to tell me something...” Y/N chuckled heartily, “But I guess I got what you were trying to say.”

“You guess?” Santana shot back.

“Yeah... I’m still slightly confused...”

“How’s this?” Santana grabbed her by the waist and kissed her again. Y/N slowly tapped the girl on her chest when things started to get heated.

“Let’s keep it PG, we’ve got an audience.” 

Santana bit her lip in embarrassment when she saw that all eyes were on them now.

“But your message was loud and clear this time.” Y/N whispered in her ear and gave her one of the most adorable smiles.

“Oh...” Santana let out a breathy chuckle and looked at the ground. Being nervous was so out of character for her, but whenever it came to her and relationships she was always a simp for her significant other.

“But... can we take it slow? Because-”

Y/N nodded immediately. “I know, you don’t have to tell me. We’ll take it slow.”

✫彡

Y/N sat on Santana’s bed, reading a book while the Latina was trying to write a new song for her album. She heard yet another paper being ripped apart, followed by a loud groan. 

“Baby, you okay?”

Y/N bent over the couch and hugged Santana’s neck from behind, planting a kiss on her temple. Santana sighed and sat back, feeling more relaxed the second Y/N’s arms wrapped around her.

“It’s not working. I can’t seem to get my exact feelings onto paper and what I have now doesn’t even do it a little bit of justice.”

“The break-up song? Let me see-” Y/N went to reach for the notebook but Santana immediately turned around and smiled.

“You know what? I’m starving, and I want to take you out.”

“Oh— are you sure? We just had-”

“I’m sure. I need a break anyway.”

“Okay...well, let me get a jacket.”

Santana watched Y/N walk into the other room before quickly hiding the notebook behind the couch pillows again. She’d feel so embarrassed if Y/N ever read any of her love songs to her. Truth be told, ever since their first kiss in the diner, Santana had found her new muse. She had written a lot of songs since then but not one seemed to be good enough or do the girl justice. Besides, if Y/N read the lyrics to this song... Well, it would make or break their relationship and Santana wasn’t going to lose someone again.

“Let’s go.”

✫彡

“But I can tell my friends, right?”

“Baby, of course you can.”

“Sweet! I’m going to see them again next week. Can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they see you.”

“Oh, I’m... not sure if going with you is such a good idea.”

“I forgot— we’re taking things slow.” Y/N nodded to herself, “Sorry, I get too excited sometimes.”

Santana caressed the girl’s head and planted a kiss on it, “It’s okay. Soon.”

✫彡

“So, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few months.”

Y/N took a sip of her drink, “Well, i’m still working at the diner, that hasn’t changed. And-”

“You’re in love.”

“How-”

“I can sense it. Also, you've posted a lot of cheesy and soft quotes on your twitter so that was a dead give-away.”

“Well, yes. I’m dating someone.”

“Boy? Girl?”

“Girl, duh.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” Her friend squealed, “Who is it? Show me a picture, let me approve.”

“It’s Santana Lopez.”

The two friends fell quiet.

“The famous singer?” One of them asked.

“Hun, she’s hardly famous anymore. Are we sure she still even exists?”

“Hey!” Y/N pouted. “But I’m telling you the truth. It’s Santana.”

“Real funny, she doesn’t even live in New York.”

“Uh, yeah, she does.”

“No, she doesn’t. TMZ said she moved back to Ohio after the break-up.”

Y/N shook her head, “They also said she started dating a 80 year-old billionaire and bought a pet alpaca, which I think is ridiculous. You’re too gullible.”

Her friend shrugged, “Perhaps, yeah. But hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell us who it really is yet.”

Y/N rolled her eyes when they switched the topic.

✫彡

“How did it go, babe? Were you happy to see them again?”

“You’re not going to believe me but they thought I was joking.”

“Joking about what?”

Y/N sat down next to Santana on the couch, immediately cuddling up to her. “Well, they didn’t believe I was dating you.”

“Why would they not believe you?”

“I think you forgot that you’re kinda famous.”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m hardly famous.”

Y/N mocked her, earning a playful punch in the shoulder from Santana but her smile soon disappeared.

“Um...”

“No bad news, please!” Y/N immediately noticed the change in Santana.

“No, no, don’t worry. I mean, I don’t think it’s bad news— it’s just... a lot...to deal with right now.”

“Just rip the bandaid off.”

Santana grabbed her phone and showed Y/N the post.

“Oh...” Y/N swiped and saw that she had been photographed as well.

“I know we said we would take things slow so I’m so sorry that the media is trying to fuck that up again.” Santana examined Y/N, who was difficult to read. “This is exactly what ruined everything last time. Fuck! Here I thought it would be different this time around. I should’ve never-”

“Santana, sshh.” Y/N grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down. “Stop thinking.” 

Santana looked up like a sad puppy.

“Nothing is getting ruined again. Not on my watch.” She put the phone on the coffee table, “Let’s just ignore that. Let them start rumours, let them guess, let them make up drama but the only two people who really know the truth are you and I. It’s our life, not theirs. So no matter what they will say, I will love you unconditionally for as long as you want me to... and I will never feel differently... about you.” 

Santana's head shot up, looking puzzled and panicked at the same time.

“W-Where did you get that from?”

Y/N smiled at Santana and caressed her cheek, “You need to find better hiding places, babe.”

Y/N suddenly looked worried, “Unless that song wasn’t about me... then... well, this is awkward. Just-”

“I love you.” Santana cut her off, tears in her eyes. She felt the urge to pinch herself but decided it would look silly. Was she really in love again after all that she’d been through? 

“I love you too, unconditionally. And... you better make that song your first single.”

✫彡

“Guys, I’m literally in the pictures with her?!”

“Yah, but you look more like a fan of her than her girlfriend, look at you... swooning.”

“I mean, yes, I adore everything she does...”

Y/N’s friend leaned over and smiled, “So you’re really dating the Santana Lopez?”

“I mean, I sure hope she does...” Santana walked up to their table in the little cafe, startling Y/N’s friends while the girl just looked at them with a smirk on her face. Finally.

Santana sat down next to her and gave her girlfriend a kiss before turning back to the two friends sitting in front of them.

“Is that enough proof or do you need me to bend her o-”

“That’s enough!” Y/N gave Santana a playful slap across the head. 

“Oh my God, no!” Y/N’s friend exclaimed, “Speak for yourself! Imagine the money I’d make with a tape of that! I’d finally be the rich bitch I’ve always been deep down.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes at him and it earned a laugh from Santana, “I like you.” 

“Why, muchas gracias.”

“Wow, thanks for completely taking my spotlight. Hi, i’m her best friend, he’s just our accessory.”

“Excuse me?!”

Y/N shook her head at the two of them. 

“Are you regretting you came along?” Y/N turned to her girlfriend.

“We wouldn’t judge you if you said yes, to be honest.” Her friend laughed. 

Santana smiled at them, “No, it’s been a while since I met new people and you two seem fun and well, you mean a lot to this one over here so I’m happy to be here.”

Y/N snuggled up to Santana and put her head on her shoulder.

“Alright, go and make me jealous. It’s fine.”

“Shut up! Now tell us how you two met, please!”

✫彡

Santana couldn’t stop playing with her fingers and the bracelets on her wrist as the hours passed. Only a few more minutes now until her new song ‘My Unconditional Love’ would go online, for the world to hear. There had been a lot of speculations about the two women the past few months, but they had tried to be more discreet when they were outside. Much to the dismay of the paparazzi and tabloids. This song would basically be a dead give away to their relationship but she didn’t care. This song already meant so much to her and Santana hoped she could write plenty more songs like these about Y/N.

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Y/N’s voice interrupted her thinking.

“Wh- No, never! It’s probably my favourite song I ever wrote... it’s just... nerve-wracking, is all.”

“C’mere.”

Santana walked into Y/N’s open arms and let out a big sigh at the feeling of her arms around her. 

“You’ve come a long way and I am so proud of you... but most of all, I’m happy to be on this ride with you. I know this song will point a lot of fingers to us dating but hey, like we said before— no one needs to know but us and our friends and families. Capiche?”

Santana nodded and grabbed the girl’s cheeks, “I’m so happy with you.”

They both beamed from ear to ear until the bell rang. Santana opened the door. 

“I’m so excited!” Kurt squealed and dragged Rachel along inside.

“It’s time, guys!” Y/N sang as she appeared from the kitchen, trying to balance a tray with four champagne glasses on it. 

“Hook your phone up to the speakers!” Rachel grabbed a glass. Santana’s new song started playing which earned raised eyebrows from the three others.

“This isn’t the same song you sent me?!” Kurt exclaimed.

“No, it is. It’s just not the slow version. I’m keeping that version for us.” Santana grabbed Y/N’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “It felt too special to share.”

“Well, damn, I’m digging this one, too!”

They started dancing together to the upbeat song. Y/N kept staring at Santana, who seemed too excited and happy to notice.

Her unconditional love.

[myemergence]

take me back to the start

Title: take me back to the start Author: @myemergence Rating: E (for one smut scene, later in the fic) Artist: @benjaminrussell Artwork: MAGAZINE COVER and MUSIC VIDEO Warnings/Triggers: mentions of alcoholism, mentions of OC character death, car accident Notes: Thanks to @marcia-elena for the beta on this. I so appreciate all the work you put in! Written for @buddiebigbang. And the artwork is amazing! I love them so much, Holly! Summary: Country music star, Eddie Diaz, is on a break before his US tour when he gets unexpected news: he has a son. He needs to come home to his hometown in West River, TX right away. He hasn’t set foot there since he left for Nashville nine years ago, leaving his old life behind. West River is the last place that Eddie wants to be—he needs to focus on his career, and his tour—not looking after a kid that he doesn’t even know yet.

Crossing paths with his high school sweetheart, Evan Buckley, who’s now a Deputy with the sheriff’s office just might change all of that, reminding Eddie of the person that he used to be… and the kind of person that he wants to be.

Read the whole thing here: AO3 LINK

*

The thing about being a musician and wrapping up a big tour is that it makes the time afterward to unwind and let loose even more rewarding. Taking the time to ground himself before hitting the road again has become essential for Eddie, an integral part of his process. 

This time, there’s no unwinding. As soon as the last concert in the tour ended, he boarded a red-eye flight from Los Angeles into Houston. And he’s tired, a feeling that’s not exactly foreign to him, but he feels weary down to his bones. He’s headed back to West River, Texas, about fifteen minutes outside of Austin, where he was born and raised.

A place he hasn’t as much as set foot in for nine years.

Eddie blinks blearily as he pulls his rental car up to the drive-through at Dunkin for a much needed coffee. He’s within an hour of West River, but he’s going to need something to power through the last hour of his drive as the sun is beginning to rise over the expanse of otherwise deserted small-town Texas that surrounds him.

It’s so quiet out here that it’s almost unnerving.

“Good morning, sir. That’ll be $3.27.” The dark-haired girl at the drive-through window can’t be more than eighteen. 

“Morning.” He holds out his phone so that she can scan his payment.

“Aren’t you…” She trails off slowly, eyeing him suspiciously. 

Eddie adjusts the trucker hat that he’s wearing, despite the fact that the sun hasn’t become a hindrance yet. He’d put the hat on before he pulled up to the drive-through only a couple of minutes ago. He knows that he’d be nowhere without the support of his fans, but he’s exhausted. He just wants to get to his abuela’s so that he can fall into bed. He’s tempted to drag a hand over his face and beg for his coffee.

“Eddie Diaz.” He introduces himself with a winning smile. He’ll try to find time to rest later. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Rosie. I-I can’t believe I’m preparing Eddie Diaz’s coffee. Nobody is going to believe me,” Rosie practically squeals, her face flushed as she fumbles with scanning his phone. “Here, um,” she steps away from the drive-through window momentarily and comes back with a pastry bag along with his coffee. Simple like always: black, with 2 sugars. “For the road. Gone Now really helped me through a hard time, when I lost my grandpa—and you wrote it about yours.”

Eddie’s smile becomes more genuine as he takes the coffee and muffin from the girl. He’s sure he looks like a mess, with blood-shot eyes and bags under his eyes. “I think most people have forgotten about that song. That was on my debut album.” He’d written that song what feels like a lifetime ago.

Like he was a different person back then than he is now. He supposes that in some ways, he was.

“I was only thirteen when it came out,” Rosie says. “I hope you make more songs like that. Your new stuff is great, but… that’s definitely my favorite. Anyhow, I won’t keep you, I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“I do,” Eddie confirms, reaching over into the top of his duffel bag that’s resting on the passenger seat. “It was really nice to meet you, Rosie.” He hands her one of the signed albums that he carries with him, a simple thank you that he likes to have for those truly special fans. “It’s not my debut album, but I do hope you’ll enjoy it.”

Eddie offers her a parting wave as he pulls away, and tosses the hat that was his poor attempt at disguise onto the passenger seat. He takes several sips from the steaming coffee, then sets it in the cupholder, wincing as the heat nips at his tongue, hoping that the caffeine will help keep him alert for the rest of the drive home.

Before he pulls onto the road, he scrolls through his phone, pulling up his debut album on Spotify and pressing play, a wistful smile crossing his face. He’s trying to put a little space between him and the reason that he’s coming home to West River; Rosie’s words remind him, at least for a moment, why he started making music in the first place. He hears the familiar opening chords and pulls out onto the quiet road.

There was a time when not a single day

Went by without us talking

And now I can barely remember your face

We’d spend hours weaving words

And guitar notes together

Just you and me in the music’s embrace

But you’re gone now, you’re gone

All those moments lie six-feet deep in the ground

You’re gone now, you’re gone

I keep missing you ‘cause you’re not around

He knows he can’t live in this world of make-believe for long. He can’t pretend that what matters is his connection to the music anymore—he stopped writing his own music long ago. But it’s nice to remember, even if those moments are fleeting.

*

Eddie pulls into the same gravel driveway that he used to skid his bike tires on as a kid. His abuela still lives in the same house she did back then, only a few doors down from his childhood home. His parents moved an hour north about five years ago. Eddie’s stomach flops a bit, and he tries not to dwell on how little he talks to them these days, or their lack of support over the years.

 He drags himself out of the rental car and grabs his bag out of the passenger side, leaving the rest of his luggage in the trunk. Before he can even make his way up the short drive, his abuela steps out onto the porch.

Eddie yawns into the crook of his elbow, then makes his way up to her. “Hey, Abuela,” he murmurs, pecking her on the cheek.

“Eddie,” Abuela says. She welcomes him with a crushing embrace, and he smiles as he hugs her back. She pulls back just enough that he can see a fire in her eyes; he already knows what that means, so he remains silent until she spits it out. “You were supposed to call me back so I knew you were doing alright.”

“I told you I have you listed as my emergency contact. If anything happens to me you’ll be the first one they call,” Eddie teases with a laugh.

“Edmundo,” she scolds, swatting his arm, and he watches as her jaw tenses under his name.

“Okay,” Eddie acquiesces. “I’m sorry, alright? I’ll be more cautious next time and call you. But Houston to West River isn’t a long drive.”

“Shannon—”

“Can we talk about this later?” Eddie asks. “I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. I just need a couple of hours and then I promise we’ll talk, okay?”

“But, Eddie—” Despite the fact that he’ll probably be reamed for not turning his full attention to her, Eddie pushes the door open and steps inside. He stops in his tracks as his eyes catch sight of the figure who’s settled at the table, and his duffel bag drops to the floor. He feels abuela’s hand on his shoulder. “This is—”

The pretending is over.

“This is Christopher, your son.”

*

Eddie knew coming back home to West River wasn’t going to be a vacation in any sense of the word. He knew what would be waiting for him; baggage so heavy that it had the ability to destroy his entire career. The dream that he’d risked everything for, that he’d given up everything for.

This is Christopher, your son.

Abuela’s words echo in his ears.

Sure, there had been a few phone calls beforehand, warning Eddie of the kid’s existence after Shannon had shown up at Abuela’s with the boy. That hadn’t prepared him for this moment at all.

What the fuck is he going to do?

The temptation to drop by the hole-in-the-wall bar downtown to take the edge off is there. Instead, he tells Abuela he has to take care of some things and he disappears. He just needs to drive around for a little bit to clear his head. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do.

A kid will ruin everything.

How could Shannon keep this kid to herself for years, not mention a word of his existence, and then just drop him off and leave like he’s somehow now Eddie’s responsibility?

Eddie unrolls the window, letting the evening air hit his face as his foot presses down more firmly on the gas pedal.

Take care of it. You only have a few months until the tour.

Fuck all of this.

These backroads are so familiar, and there’s something comforting in driving down them late at night, when the rest of the town is quiet. It reminds him of those late nights when he and Buck would—

Eddie stops his thoughts short, the ache in his chest just as familiar as these roads. Buck.

What are the chances that in a town of a few thousand people he won’t run into Evan Buckley? That’s even if he still lives here. Eddie shakes the notion from his head, refusing to allow himself to get nostalgic about the past. A past that revolved around Buck.

Right now, he needs to focus on how he’s going to fix his life—before it becomes a public relations disaster.

Pressing down on the gas harder, Eddie gets lost in the feeling of the cool night air hitting his face, saving him from his downward spiral and memories of Buck.

Unfortunately, the moment is short lived. Red and blue lights flash in his rearview mirror amidst the otherwise stark darkness of the night. With a sigh, he pulls over to the shoulder of the road.

*

Buck climbs out of the cruiser and closes the door, walking up to the driver’s side of the out-of-state car. “Do you know why I stopped you tonight?” He quickly scans the inside of the vehicle, assessing if there are any passengers that he needs to be aware of before settling his sight on the driver.

Of all the people he could’ve had the unfortunate task of pulling over tonight, somehow it’s Eddie Diaz. He studies Eddie’s face, tipping his head to the side as his identity registers with Eddie. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Buck.”

It’s like he took the words right out of Buck’s mouth, because really, what are the fucking chances? After nine years Eddie somehow still has the ability to make Buck’s heart thunder in his chest merely by saying his name. His jaw tightens as he looks at the country music star in front of him.

“It’s Deputy Buckley,” Buck tells Eddie, his voice tight. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“This has to be an actual nightmare,” Eddie mutters, though Buck’s sure at this point that he’s talking to himself.

“License and registration.”

“Evan—”

“I said, license and registration. Don’t make me ask again. I’m going to suggest that you actually listen this time if you don’t want to end up in jail for the night.”

Eddie’s mouth snaps shut at Buck’s words. “I’m gonna grab the registration from the glove compartment.” He opens the glove box and hands over the paperwork, along with his license.

“Yeah, didn’t think you’d want that news story,” Buck mutters as he takes the documents and inspects them. He obviously knows that it’s Eddie, and he already ran the plates and knows that it belongs to a rental in Houston. He hands the paperwork back to Eddie. “Watch your speed, because next time I’m not going to be this nice,” Buck warns.

“This is nice?” Eddie actually has the audacity to laugh at him. “Seems more like you’re Deputy Dick to me.”

Buck’s lips press together into a tight line. He’s used to not being well liked while on the job—but it feels harsher coming from Eddie. “You know, I could still take you in tonight, if that’s what you want.”

Eddie shrinks under the words, and what he says next sounds sincere. “You know that’s not what I want.”

The same words that Eddie had said to him all those years ago, at the end. Buck feels his chest fracture down the middle, a reprise of the heartbreak that Eddie left in his wake.

He forces himself to school his expression despite the way he’s feeling. “Have a good night, Eddie.”

He doesn’t wait for Eddie to respond, turning sharply on his heels and walking away from the man that’s had his heart all along.

*

“You know, I don’t really think that this qualifies as guys’ night,” Buck says as he looks across the card table at Chimney, taking a sip of the lemonade in front of him. 

 Chim raises his brow a little, glancing in the direction of the living room. “You’re my brother-in-law,” Chim says, “and I’m not sure how to say this delicately, so I’m just gonna say it. If there’s one Buckley I’m trying to make happy right now, it’s not you, Buck. I’m trying to get in her good graces after the bottle rocket incident.”

Josh snorts from where he’s sitting, bringing the beer up to his lips.

“I’m not going to be the one to tell my wife that she needs to leave so we can have a proper guys’ night,” Chim adds.

“You would never say something to Maddie, and not just about guys’ night,” Josh challenges, his brows shooting up.

“I’m sorry, was that a complaint I just heard? Because I’m pretty sure that the last time you hosted a card night your mom showed up,” Chim points out.

“And Buck’s place—”

“Has constant interruption. I know, I know.” Buck rolls his eyes dramatically. “Are you gonna deal us in, or what?”

“Mads, were you gonna join us?” Chim calls helpfully into the other room, and Buck glares at him.

Maddie lifts herself off of the couch and walks out to the dining room table where they’re all situated, grabbing the bowl of chips from the counter and pulling up an empty seat. “I don’t want to play, but I’d love to talk to you guys.”

They really need to start finding different circles of friends, at least for nights like tonight. It’s not as if Buck’s going to tell his pregnant sister to go away, so instead he smiles. “We’d love it if you talked to us, Mads.”

“Really?” She grins, and Chim looks at Buck gratefully. “So, I heard a rumor that Eddie’s back in town.”

“Pick a different subject.”

“He’s back in town and got pulled over by West River’s youngest and brightest the other night,” Chim says.

Just the mention of Eddie’s name is an unwanted reminder that he’s back in town, at least temporarily. The fact that this wasn’t a figment of Buck’s imagination sends his brain into overdrive. There’s been some speculation over the reason for his return, and Buck has done everything in his power to stay squarely on the outside of those conversations.

He’s made it clear to his family and friends since Eddie left town that there is one topic that he refuses to discuss: Eddie Diaz. A lot of the locals were around Eddie growing up, and having someone that’s famous from their small hometown is something to talk about—especially when there’s a new tour that’s announced, or when Eddie is working on a new album.

But his friends? They know that it’s a hard and fast rule, and bringing it up on guys’ night is a definite foul. 

“Guys,” Buck manages as evenly as he can muster. “Talk about something else.”

A tense silence falls over the room, and for a minute Buck refuses to look up, knowing the pity that crosses their faces any time that someone brings up Eddie. He’s tried to hide his heartbreak behind indifference, but he’s not naive enough to believe that any of them buy it. Most of them had front-row seats as they watched Buck’s hopes and dreams shatter to the ground around him, leaving a hollow shell behind.

Finally he looks up.

“Can we make an exception this one time, Ev?”

“Maddie. I don’t talk about— about this, and you know that.”

Maddie’s hand covers his, her touch light, her tone equally calm and even. “You know, this has a name.”

“Why are you bringing him up now? You know I moved on from him a long time ago.”

It’s as if Chim and Josh aren’t sitting awkwardly at the table, trying to avoid the line of fire. Even if Maddie is officially a Han now, nobody wants to get obliterated during a battle of the wills between the siblings.

“This is guys’ night,” Buck reminds her. “The one night of the week that I can unwind and relax. Instead you’re here and dredging up a past that died years ago.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I was a kid. Just a stupid kid. There’s nothing else to say. We were together and then we weren’t. He has his life now, and I have mine.”

“Maybe that’s true, but you never did move on, not really. He’s in town for who knows how long, so maybe it’d be a good chance for the two of you to talk?”

“No, it wouldn’t. And, uh, thanks for ruining tonight,” Buck mutters as he stands up from the table. This is the kind of interference he’d expect from their out-of-town parents, always assuming they know what’s best, but not from Maddie.

“Buck,” Chim warns, and Buck sighs again, shaking his head in frustration. Chim’s always been protective of Maddie, something that Buck’s always appreciated, especially after all that she endured with Doug, but tonight feels like the exception.

“I’m gonna head home.”

“Buck, you really don’t have to go,” Josh says helplessly.

He attempts a smile for what Josh is trying to do—slapping a bandage on the evening, trying to piece everything back together. Buck shakes his head. “I think it’s for the best if I go.”

Buck says his goodbyes and hops into his Jeep, driving home. He knows that Maddie has the best of intentions, and that she cares about him with her whole heart, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

When he arrives home he notices there are only a few lights left on in the house, and that the porch light is on for him. 

“You’re home awful early,” Carla says as soon as he makes his way inside, barely looking up from the little girl that’s propped against her side.

He shrugs a little, not wanting to get into all of the details of how the night quickly spiraled out of control in a way that was just too much for him to handle. “I couldn’t stand the time away from her.”

“Mhm,” Carla says in her knowing way, and Buck’s thankful that she doesn’t say more than that. She knows enough about his past with Eddie, but she’s always stayed out of that part of his life.

Buck toes off his shoes, crossing the room then and scooping Lucy up in his arms. “Hey baby,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

“She insisted I read her three stories out here and not in her bed because she was ‘not tired yet, Carla’.”

Buck chuckles at her words, feeling Lucy squirm in his arms before she settles again. She rests her head against his shoulder and he hoists her up higher so that she can curl into him. In a world where everything else is imperfect he’s able to come home and hold a little piece of perfection in his arms. Their lives have been far from easy, and there isn’t a day that Buck doesn’t wish he could be more for her.

He’s doing his best to make up for the huge piece missing from her life—the absence of her mother. Every day she helps him remember that there is more than heartbreak and loss, that sometimes there’s hope, too. He has to hold on to that.

“I’m gonna head out,” Carla says, kissing the back of Lucy’s head and giving Buck a sideways hug before leaving.

Buck walks down the hallway, glancing at Lucy’s bedroom door and then pivoting, walking across the hall to his own room and laying the sleeping girl down on the pillows, covering her with the sheet and comforter. He gets ready for bed and lies on top of the covers beside her. He knows he shouldn’t make a habit out of this and he won’t, but tonight he needs the physical proof.

He hasn’t lost everything, because he still has Lucy.