#maya: diagnosed

[mayasaura]

Trying to decide if Nami is the one neurotypical on the crew, or if she's just better at masking and deeply irritated that the others don't bother. Leaning heavily toward the latter

[trashbinbackyard]

in which my two faves interact

Navigating the streets of Nia Vasileos as a cat was easy. They were simply everywhere and generally nobody paid attention to them other than the occasional coo and scratch on the head. Walking the narrow alleyways and climbing the ladders to the rooftops were easy. Frankly the cat form offered a lot. Nia Vasileos was built on the bones of the old empire of Thani, not a place she was too familiar with even during the first age; she and Lucas preferred the wild lands of the south.

Maya was no stranger to the city, but every time she’s been here was undercover, either of darkness or an animal form. Lucien and Viessa had set up a base in the Pera district, a bunch of aristocrats and other rich people inhabited the area, and would not look kindly on her. On the hill at the very tip of the crescent that was the city, in their high homes they would look down upon the city, mere mud in their shoes.

It wasn’t so different from the grand cities of the first age. She never liked them, the great cities, too many people, too much noise. If she walked around without hiding herself, people would stare at her, the bright hair, out of place clothes and ears larger than those of an elf.

Her kind had gone all forgotten since the first age, and the feeling of loneliness during the second age was even more intense than it used to be. Sure she had Lucien and Viessa to turn to, but they had grown really close, and she felt like she was intruding more often than not. And then there was Dimos, who was more of a shadow than a man, and not great company. But she had a matter she needed Viessa’s aid on, so bothering her and Lucien it is.

She climbed a fire escape ladder to the very top of the house they lived in, dropping her cat form as she made it. Opening the latch on the skylight was much easier with opposable thumbs. It was very handy when she needed to get in unnoticed, in the middle of the night or when the Harrows were out doing their own thing. The house was theirs, but they had let her know she can come and go as she likes. Viessa had conjured up a whole room just for her so she could have her own spot and a place to keep most of her belongings when she doesn’t need them.

She opened the skylight just enough for her to slip through and drop herself on a stairway railing. Balancing on it she carefully let the skylight down so it wouldn’t break or make a noise. She stood on the railing and peeked down, still on the third floor, no new floors had appeared. She stayed still and listened for signs of anyone being home. No rustling of books or pens from Viessa’s library, no thumps or groans of Lucien working out. She did hear the pitter patter of the tressym that had invited itself to stay there.

With no one home, she hopped off the railing to the very first floor, gracefully breaking the fall with a roll. The metal clasps of her armor and the bag she carried with many trinkets inside jingled as she hit the marble floor. She took a step towards the hallway that led to her own room, where she could wait for either of the elves to come back. 

Seems like she wouldn’t need to wait long, as the hairs on her neck raised and she quickly took a step to the right.

A shimmering orange dagger made of pure energy flew past her ear as she narrowly dodged it. The blade was incorporeal in nature, and it disappeared from the air before hitting anything. A soulknife, not for cutting, but definitely for hurting.

“Sharp as always Maya”, she heard Lucien’s familiar voice behind her

“I wouldn’t have to be if you stopped chucking those things around”, she sneered, as she turned her head enough to meet his gaze. Still she couldn’t help but let the grin she was holding back appear on her face.

With a step backwards and fast high kick to the man’s chest, she made Lucien lose his balance, sending him stumbling down the hallway. It was all in good fun, they often smacked each other around. While Lucien was adept with most weapons he couldn’t keep up with Maya hand-to-hand.

“Oof, good one,” he breathed out as he reached out to the wall and steadied himself, “what brings you here this time?”

“Does it have to be something, as I remember it, you lot said I could come and go as I please. What if I’m just picking some stuff up and dropping some in return”, she shrugged her shoulders and resumed walking towards her room.

“Because you hate the city and wouldn’t venture here if you didn’t need something more specific.”

It was true. She would rather avoid the city if it was up to her. She’d be hibernating somewhere down south, away from the reach of mortals or immortals alike. But Lucas… or the being that once was Lucas needed her. Something about preventing some unfortunate soul from finding something of great value and great capacity for harm. She wasn’t sure where to look for it, so that’s where Viessa comes into the picture. She could get its location with even a vague description, or if she couldn’t, there was bound to be something in her library to point her to the right direction. It was their pact, they could call on her for aid and she could rely on them to help her out in turn.

“So what can we do?” Lucien continued as he followed her close behind, “Well what can I do, Viessa’s out for the whole day, she’ll be back gods know when”.

“Well, not much, I need Viessa. Unless you want to learn a completely new set of skills.” 

“You wound me.”

Maya pushed the door of her room open with her foot, hoisting her bag ready to dump all its contents to the floor. Her room looked like her, wild and messy. She had refused a bed in favor of a mattress on the floor where she could pile on pillows and blankets for a makeshift nest. Heavy earth toned curtains hung from the ceiling, giving the room some warmth and softness. The cabinet lining an entire wall was filled with little trinkets, bones, feathers, jewelry, anything she had found on her time away and found interesting enough to bring back here.

On the floor were rugs of woven fabrics and pelts, a couple stones and a spare set of armor she had left lying around. She turned her bag upside down and another batch of small curiosities dropped on the floor with a clatter. She gave the stuff a kick, enough to clear a path towards her bed. Being barefoot she would need to be careful stepping around, and she couldn’t be bothered to organize her haul just yet. But she did have something for Lucien. She picked up a small black bead from the pile.

“Last time I was here you said you had a necromancer getting a little too close to the truth of your nature, so I tracked them down and took care of it. They had a talisman they used to conjure undead to fight back, but I knew those things are better to destroy. But they also had this-” she presented the bead on the palm of her hand, “It somehow protected them, deflecting my blows until I managed to overpower them. Could be useful to you”.

“Well I won’t say no to that,” Luciens picked the bead from her hand and held it up to the window so the sun would shine through it. It was somewhat translucent, and inside was a cloud of dark smoke that swirled. Hollow obsidian, not rare by any means, and material very easily imbued with all sorts of magic. 

He continued: “Looks like a shadow pearl, I’ve heard of them. Can do much more than just protect when used to their full potential. This is a great find.”

“You can have it.”

He slipped the bead into his chest pocket and gave it a tap for good measure.

“I actually have something for you as well, came across it some weeks ago.”

“Oh?” She perked up, Lucien wasn’t often just handing things out without some ulterior motive.

He snapped his fingers and a dusty book appeared in his other hand. It wasn’t thick like most books she had seen lying around the place, the binding was loose and looked like it could unravel at any time. The pages were yellow and bent as the covers couldn’t press them neatly together. A layer of dirt on the front cover hid most of the text she recognised as Asayan, a language that hasn’t been spoken in many centuries.

She took the book from him and gave the cover a quick wipe to see the full title of the work. A brief history of the later Asayan kingdom. She carefully opened it, knowing full well these types of books were extremely fragile and they were more than likely to fall apart at the slightest mistouch.

She did a quick read of several pages and she flipped through it. Catching names and years and locations she recognized from her lived experience.

“This is about Ivor’s time.” She muttered quietly. Nayden’s son, considered to be the first king of the later half of Asaya’s existence. The book would make a mention of Nayden as well, and Ivor’s children, and their children, all whom she had met. Well, meet is a strong word for it, that would call for mutual recognition, she had seen them, was very familiar with them in fact. Aside from Ivor, none of them knew she even existed, never got to know she knew their ancestor. She was cast aside, from the people of her land and history itself.

“What is this supposed to mean? Remember the times you were nothing? Was part of nothing? When you were destined to be forever unknown to everyone around you?” She said in disbelief. The more she read, the more unwelcome feelings started to bubble in her chest. She was there for all of it, yet she was naught but a whisper in the wind.

She continued in a tone mocking him, as she grasped at the thought in her head: “Back when you were so special but no one could know of you. Back when you were just Lucas’ pup, abandoned by everyone else. Is that what you’re trying to tell me with this?”

He was perplexed by her sudden change in mood. He had thought the book would be something to reminisce over.

“You don’t like it?” He was genuinely trying to understand where she was coming from.

“I already know all this! I’ve lived it! I don’t need some text to remind me of all of it. I don’t want to know how insignificant I was, still am, to this world, where I’m supposed to be one of the most powerful beings out there that no one even knows of! What’s the point?!” her voice raised with every sentence.

She dropped the book on the floor and kicked it towards the door.

“I’ve already told you. We’re not meant to be remembered. Imagine the harm that could come our way if we were known. You’ve hunted down just as many bad and power hungry people who caught a whiff of some ancient power far beyond their understanding. We do it to protect them as well as ourselves.”

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t be remembered at all! They don’t need to know what we are to remember us!”

“Too many people are looking for threads to connect into wild theories already without us meddling in. It’s part of our duty to not let anyone know. What do you think would happen if people read about a pink haired girl of a race that no longer exists from different centuries? They would start connecting the dots really fast.”

It was his authoritative voice coming out. He’d had this conversation with everyone in their little group, Maya included. It was he who had come to the conclusion that in order to play their part, they needed to not make waves, not push anyone’s actions into a desirable direction. They could aid mortals in their quests, but never intervene should their choices backfire. It was like a game, they could cheer or comment from the sidelines, but the resolution is never theirs to choose. It was what Deanoh demanded of him. In order to play their parts, lest they become hunted for their power, is to stay hidden from the public, and that means no history would ever be written of them. They would be legends, folk stories, omens, but never anything concrete.

“I get my gesture is not what you wanted, but sometimes holding something physical from your life before can help you ground yourself,” he tried to explain.

“This is not what I came here for, an impromptu lecture on what we need to be or do. You and Viessa have each other, you do your thing as diligently as you want, coo about the things past as much as you want, because you got to experience it with someone you get to actually remember. I, on the other hand, will be somewhere far away, covered in a layer of dirt so I can forget this whole world exists, as the world forgets I exist, so I can be at peace for a little while before I’m called again to do some meaningless fetch job for an entity that is no longer the one I knew.”

“Maya, that’s not-”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do.” She stood up on her toes, trying to close the height gap that made her feel even smaller in the moment. 

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Shut up!” She snapped finally. Her eyes burning hot and piercing Lucien’s. 

She stepped away from him and collapsed on her bed. She brought her knees up to her chest, suddenly wanting to feel hidden.

She was not the type to put up a fight against her friends. For the longest time ever since she was a little girl from a nothing family, from a nothing island, she would just bow her head and do as she was told. She didn’t know any better back then, that she could make her own choices. She loved Nayden, and Sharni, Wane, Brianne, everyone, surely they wouldn’t lead her wrong. And they all left her when they had something better going on. It hurt of course, but she bore her sadness with a smile on her face. She met with them ever so often, but they had moved on from the life they shared with her.

Lucas was the only constant in her life since then. He was supposed to look after her. And in a way he did. It was the wrong way, but he tried. When he ended up bringing her back from the dead, she took to her new reality the only way she knew how to, graciously. But as the centuries went on and Lucas was called to other things, she came to realize that she shouldn’t have just accepted her new reality.

Lucien was older and smarter than her. He had fought the crippling loneliness and feelings of lacking purpose way before she was even born. He knew what he was talking about most of the time. So why did she feel like he was in the wrong now. He clearly appreciated thinking of the past, holding it close to his heart and making sure the people he knew won’t go forgotten like he did. He had made peace with it, and perhaps in a way it was comforting for him to think about all the things he’s lost.

She was lucky someone had gone through this before her. She would have no idea how to even begin to untangle the mess that is her thoughts. Lucien had gone through his own journey, on his own, and came to a conclusion that he was satisfied with, and he was just saying things that made sense to him. But she needed a different approach. She was sure he had gone over this with Viessa as well, but they were much closer, and he could guide her to something that made sense to her more easily.

For the first time they’ve known each other, Maya was sure Lucien was lost for words. The silence between them was heavy. As she sat, her eyes darted between Lucien and the book that now lay unceremoniously on the floor. It was uncomfortable. She wanted him gone for now, and he was thinking of a way to not leave this conversation on bad air.

He turned his back to her and took careful steps towards her cabinet where he picked up wolf tooth to fiddle with. He thought for a while how to verbally approach her. He kept his back turned to her to not come across as confrontational when he spoke up once more.

“I get that your circumstance is different from mine, and that you want a different meaning for it all, why you’re still here,” he started, inspecting the smooth surface of the large canine tooth, was it hers or Lucas’?

Maya huffed in response, acknowledging his point but offering no retort. 

“You were made immortal not because of desperation, nor for bargaining with a force far beyond your understanding. You were made immortal out of love. Lucas loved you so much he went against his own creed, the creed of the gods, just to share a few more moments with you.”

He was right, the thing that made Maya mad was how Lucien always noticed the details that matter. 

“And you want other people to know and remember you like Lucas does, to remember you as you were, the girl from the bay of Asaya, who traveled with their king, who brought great joy everywhere she went. But Lucas ruined it. By making you his, unintentionally or not, you’re bound to his will now, and his will is the same as the other gods’: never interfere, no one must know us.”

She stayed silent, her eyes never left her knees as the light from the window got blocked when Lucien kneeled down before her.

“And you’re supposed to be grateful, that someone so special cared for you that much, that you meant so much for him. It’s supposed to bring comfort right? But it doesn’t feel like it, does it?”

She shook her head, her eyes felt prickly from the tears threatening to gather. It had been a long, long time since she last fought with these thoughts. How she resented Lucas for what he did, despite also feeling blessed at times. It was tough, dealing with two contradicting feelings that both are ultimately true. She is supposed to feel blessed and grateful, Lucas did a great deed for her, but the same thing causes her so much pain. She had never felt more lonely.

She mustered up her strength and with a quivering voice she answered: “It doesn’t”

Lucien wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a hug. The gesture would’ve been unthinkable if it was during their own lifetimes, but circumstance had brought them together, and whether they like it or not, had intertwined their lives in a way only they understood.

She wrapped her own arms around and dug her nails into his back as she sobbed into his shoulder. The thick material of his coat absorbed her tears swiftly.

“Will it ever be okay?” She asked in a broken voice.

“I won’t lie, I have no idea”

[prentissology]

watching station 19 has made me realize that i should be thankful greys only has “major” episodes as a season finale or towards the middle of a season

[punksarahreese]

One thing about me is I love Maya Hawke with my entire being

[missbluesunflowersstuff]

Some batfamily headcanon

They all have auditory processing disorder at this point, except for Damian and Duke

Damian is the youngest and Bruce and the others protect him most and Duke uses armor plus his powers makes him a little difficult to get hurt

Dick is partially deaf in his left ear and Tim is partially deaf in his right ear

Bruce and Jason suffer from chronic pain

If Steph or Damian just stopped and went into some blank state for more than two minutes call the most responsible adult near immediately, they are having an anxiety attack (they just freeze and stare at nothing, this is their anxiety attack)

Tim has narcolepsy actually this is why he has the worst sleeping schedule of them all

(Tim's narcolepsy may be undiagnosed, diagnosed but his parents hid the result, Tim refuses to take his medication because he believes he can "handle" it, it's up to you)

Jason, Cass and Damian have PTSD

(all of them have it actually, but these three have the worst attacks)

Dick emergency contact is Donna Troy

and it doesn't matter what the batfamily do or say, Dick is always puts Donna as his emergency contact

Damian emergency contact is Maya Ducard

Damian had a lot of nightmares in him early years, the family takes turns to take care of it

Jason and Damian have intrusive thoughts (hurt the others and hurt themselves, Jason villain era was basically 'I let my intrusive thoughts win' ) - today Damian handled it better than Jason did in the past (Jason I love you, but I will never forgive you for what you did to Mia Dearden)

Bruce created a lot of personas for his work and because of it Dick created the "hamburger theory"

If he accepts the hamburger and eats it with both hands it's Batman; if he starts eating his hamburger with fork and knife it's Bruce Wayne; if he's holding the burger with a napkin and smile it's Brucie; but if he rejected the hamburger just run, it's not safe near him in that moment

Dick made this theory when he still was a Robin and this is some 'don't tell dad' information between all of the kids

They usually share information with Cass in audio to help her understand, Babs still helps her with how to read but she prefers to use emojis or audio messages

Cass may or may not respond to their audio, but she will view it

Bruce and the others have no clue about Dick real health status because the only person who has legal rights to it is Donna and she doesn't share with them

One time Tim tried to steal Damian medical records to put in their data, he found out that Maya already did that and now she is the only person in the world legally allowed to have that information

Both Dick and Damian don't regret their decision because they really trust in their sisters more than the bats

(and yes, Bruce feels breyated because of this)

14!Damian is still a little afraid of sleeping, because he doesn't know what kind of dream he might have (he doesn't have nightmares like he used to, but the anxiety is still there)

Duke and Damian usually hang out more than the others; one time Steph asks why in the common channel and Duke only answers "you know that me and him are basically immortals, right? When everyone leaves, we'll still be here" (Duke is immortal because of his powers and Damian... Do you really think his family would allow him die?)

No one knows exactly the kind of shit Damian was submitted in the league and as Tim falls in get his medical records they'll never knows

The same applicants for Cass trying, what exactly Cain did with her is something she'll never tell

Jason actually has amnesia from his league days or some kinda of weird and very selective amnesia, everything just looks like a blur to him

Jason believes that he was hypnotized to forget everything or some weird magic stuff. But on some nights, in the silence of his room, Jason still seems like a fat baby lying near him, he wonders who is the baby and who they are now...

Some days, because of his chronic pain, Bruce uses a cane to walk around the house, but only inside

[d3vdgvrlll]

here we fucking go again (INTRO POST)

<name> maya

<age> 16- female

<gender> annoying attention whore

okay basically im like actually insane, ik everyone says that but dont try me lol. ive gotten backshots to my account like a million times, so i rlly dont have energy to do this againnnnn. i am kinky asf and prolly a hypersexual so if u dont fw that suck my clit ig???? basically, i girlblog but its like acc insane posting. if u dont like it just block, dont report. i post alot of nsfw shit, whether it be sexual or not, dont take it as an invitation to be innapropriate with me. (unless ur my age i jus don wan creeps in my dms anymore) I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT CAL GABRIEL AND MUSIC AS WELL!!!! same with media and shit. diagnosed OCD, PTSD, depression etc;

<DNI> NONE!!!! i literally do not give a single fuck. wanna kill people? chill. wanna rape girls? idc. nazi? sick opinion dude i hate jews too (im a practicing jew lol). racist? sick. say slurs ur not supposed to say? me too brah. schizo? hell yes kiss me. murderous? im alr wet. like i genuinely condone it all idc, ive seen so much shit in my life atp i just ball. not a bad person, just tired. or maybe i am a bad person, idrc.

<TW> gore, 3d, self hvrm, tcc, and lowk schizo posting

<music> jeff buckley (my husband), alex g, weezer, the cure, the smiths, the kooks, the kinks, radiohead, the red hot chili peppers, avenge sevenfold, metallica, system of a down, limp bizkit, Кино, the cocteau twins, rammstein, linkin park, megadeath, three doors down, led zeppelin, tom petty, pearl jam (yes im basic shut up), kimya dawson, the moldy peaches, petal, sweet trip, slowdive, elliot smith, tv girl, whirr, michael cera, the smashing pumpkins, cigs after sex, adrienne lenker, lana del rey, jack off jill, bikini kill, slutever, maequin pussy, soft cult, big theif, frankie cosmos, remember sports, cheerleader roadkill, reel big fish, car seat headrest, modern baseball, american football, tiugers jaw, vs self, joyce manor, deftonesssss, slipknot, pantera, korn, mazzy star, german error message, ptv, mcr, tom milsom, rob zombie, basement, glare, icp, seventh void, THE STROKES, canibal corpse, ethel cain, slayer, joy again, rotgut god, suzi moon, suicidal tendencies, amyl and the sniffers, surfbort, yucky duster, upchuck, the courtneys, msi, porches, taking back sunday, mbv, murderdolls, acid bath, throwing muses, nervous dater, slingshot dakota, blowout, nico play, great grandpa, solya, radiator hospital, municipal waste, napalm death, kittie, the voids, and so much more.

<my husbands> cal, spencer reid, felix catton, sid from skins, tate langdon (i know im basic 😔), joel miller, oberyn martel, joe goldberg, love quinn, victoria pedretti, emily prentiss, etc

<languages> i speak arabic, hebrew, spanish, and russian fluently. IF YOU NEED ME TO TRANSLATE SHIT I GOTCHUUUU

<interests> community, new girl, tcc (obv), skins, criminal minds, music mostly, SPACE!!! literature, physics, astronomy, NOT ASTROLOGY!!! and psych

my bae made dis for me :3

[batobbsession]

Underused batfam-adjacent characters

Mia Mizoguchi (aka Maps aka sometimes Robin?) (also Maya Ducard and Colin Wilkes and Kathy Branden and Jay Nakamura and Suren Darga and Nika/Flatline)

Mia is Damian's school friend and like a partime Robin. Also she's a detective who would definitely get along with Tim. The rest are also Damian's various friends (Kathy and Jay are more like Jon's friends but if Jon and Damian are friends then they're probably friends?). Also Jay is/was Jon's boyfriend if that interests you. Kathy is also an alien so that's cool. I'm pretty sure all of them have their own hero identities so they could totally be a team or something. And I think it's sad nobody in this fandom remembers that Map's was kind of Robin.

honorary mention to Damian's cousin, Mara Al Ghul

The rest of the Arrows

So generally I see just Roy,Oliver and sometimes Dinah and Lian as the arrowfam. And to be honest I don't know much about them, but where's Conner Hawke, Mia Dearden and Emiko Queen?

Conner Hawke=Oliver Queen's son who was raised with his mother, Sandra Hawke, and was sent to an ashram to learn Buddhism stuff i guess. He reconnected to Oliver and became the second Green Arrow eventually.

Mia Dearden=She had an abusive father and ended up an underage prositute. She was rescued by Green Arrow and became Oliver Queen's new ward. She trained with him and Conner Hawke and eventually became the second Speedy and joins the teen titans. Also she's HIV positive? Idk the story there.

Also Jason Todd kidnapped her and beat her up so Tim wasn't the only one.

Emiko Queen= Emiko is Oliver Queen's half-sister. I'm pretty sure she's the second Red Arrow now? Her mom's and assassin which is cool. She was also raised as an assassin.

Tim's Friends

Why do people think Tim's only friends are young justice? He's a social butterfly. What happened to Ariana,Darla,Bernard and Ives?

Ariana-Tim's ex girlfriend. Her father was murdered and she was born in the USSR

Darla-Daughter of a mafia boss with magic powers. Tim's school friend and she used to have a crush on him.

Bernard-... you all know Bernard

Ives- One of Tim's closest friends in high school who he called smart multiple times. He was diagnosed with cancer and stayed friends with Tim

honorary mention to Ives's Wizards and Warriors group Callie,Kevin and Hudson

Jaro the Starro

starfish alien who was adopted by Bruce

honorary mention to Harper and Cullen Row and Helena Bertinelli/Helena Wayne and CARRIE KELLEY my beloved

[meyhew]

(You don't need to post this if you don't want to post more about whats going on with Maya)

I remember sometime maybe this year or last Liam posted saying he’d been diagnosed with a couple of conditions and had manic episodes. He truly was not well, I’m in now way dismissing Maya’s experiences and may she heal but knowing his condition does shine more light on his actions. I have a friend who works in a mental hospital and even though these people are receiving round the clock care they can still snap. I know a lot of people are saying he deserved to die because he was an abuser but it just feels so much more nuanced when you remember how mental health can quite literally flip someones personality like a light switch (I also personally think his calls to her saying he was going to end himself were genuinely mental health related but I don't want to touch on something that personal). Once again, even if its true Maya has the right to be upset over her experience but people cheering for the death of a man that was clearly mentally unstable is sickening.

i don’t mind talking about it. i think we should be having a serious conversation about this. i guess i need to read maya’s book after all to know the specifics of what she’s saying. but you’re right, people are being very callous and dismissive of serious mental health issues. we all know liam was struggling—he was very open about that. and it in no way excuses his behavior towards maya or anyone else, but it does provide context. people don’t exist in vacuums. context matters. it matters that liam said over and over again that he wanted to get better, that he wanted to make amends. it’s so demoralizing to see people want to be morally superior to others. “he abused someone it’s good that he’s dead” and “it doesn’t matter that he was suffering he still hurt someone” is suchhhhh a wild mindset. you mean you don’t think people should be given another chance? not by the person they hurt, but by others around them? you don’t think people deserve to have someone help them out of dark places? you don’t think addicts deserve a little leniency, a little patience? crazy to me. people have learned therapy speech and use it without any nuance and it’s just so so counterproductive

[tvseries-writings]

Hard choices, hard life

Carina Deluca x Maya Bishop x reader

TW: depression, suicide attempt, obsessive compulsive disorder, pills

At the very sweet age of fourteen, you were diagnosed with depression, right after Diane, your psychologist at the time, diagnosed you with what you still call your cruel companion, a little disorder that was actually slowly killing you from the inside out until just a few minutes ago. In fact, you have nothing to lose now. In fact, a few Tolep, Zoloft, and Xanax will knock you out in a few moments - very few - if only you have the courage to throw them in your stomach right now.

Even though you have nothing left to lose, there are two people you could never hurt, and the mere thought of hurting them makes you sick. Maya and Carina, damn them, have gotten inside you and torn down your walls like no one else ever could. And now, in the utter desperation that drives you to the "extreme act," you should feel guilty, and yet you don't. Maybe it's the pills, or maybe it's the sense of freedom you're feeling that's clouding all your other thoughts and feelings.

Carina was the first to notice your OCD, only a month into your relationship. Although you never tried to hide it from either of your girls, there were rituals that they never had a chance to see, such as touching the faucet knob three times before you could open it, checking three times to make sure that all the car doors were closed, or putting on your seat belt three times before you were sure that you had finally buckled it properly and that this would not result in a potential and very likely fatal accident involving your two girls. In short, Carina had discovered all of this by carefully observing your habits, and after discussing it with Maya, the two of them had confronted you. That evening was anything but pleasant.

As for the depression, they noticed it over time, with the bad days and the dull eyes that worried them so much that they practically forced you to go to weekly sessions with your child psychologist, Diane, who of course immediately put you back on medication on the advice of a psychiatrist Carina knew. In the early days, whenever you were down, it was hard for me to leave you alone, and even though they tried to hide it, you always noticed. Always. It was only after a year and a few months that her fear began to subside. When you think about it, you almost laugh; right now, that fear of a possible impulsive and fatal act on your part would probably be your salvation. Not that you would want that, of course. Or maybe...no, you don't want to be saved. You have hit rock bottom; the decision is already made and the plan is already in place.

Most likely, Carina will be the one to find you, right? She is the first to return to your apartment after work, to the small but comfortable apartment you have been calling home for more than four years—to that little place of paradise where all problems disappear, or at least, they seem to. But, as it turns out, they never completely disappear; otherwise, you would not be in this situation. You close your eyes and lean your head against the bathroom wall; the cold marble tiles send a chill up your spine as you stare at what you clutch in your right hand—a handful of pills that you have been preparing for months now. Many people say suicide is an impulsive act, but for a person with OCD? Nothing is impulsive, not even suicide. Everything is meticulously calculated and planned. You have been planning this day for months—at least three, if I am not mistaken. Of course, it's always three. After all, multiples of three are your favorites, aren't they?

Throughout your life, you have had to make hard choices, but this is by far the most selfish. You are aware of it; you know that Maya and Carina will suffer as they never have; you know it because if either of them died in any way, especially in this way, you would never, ever be able to go on living with such emptiness inside.

A trembling breath escapes your lips; you cannot back out, not now, not when you are so close to the goal. You owe it to yourself, you owe it to them and the burden you are to the world. It sounds self-centered on your part but you don't give a shit anymore. You're tired of thinking about others, how they're going to feel, what you have to say to keep them from feeling bad...you're tired, of everything. You thought you could live for them but you were wrong. But maybe, if you really have to be honest with yourself you probably never wanted to go all the way. After all, a person who does not want to be saved is very difficult to help. When therapy doesn't work, you change, but you didn't say anything; you kept smiling again and again until, today, in the last three months, you let the rock you had tied to your ankle drag you to the bottom. It is no one's fault but your own. You're more than aware of it but it's so hard to keep going, it's so fucking hard that you get sick to your stomach just thinking that, in case you don't take these damn pills tonight, you'll be forced to face the world out there once again. No, you can't do it, you can't. Yet, Carina's look at Andrew's death and the Italian's despair and Maya's heartbroken look and her self-destruction after Dean's death...No! You can't think and you don't have to think about them, about the pain you will cause them and from which they can never move on. You can already see Maya, her head in her hands, sitting on the couch on which so many nights you have spent together, blaming herself for not seeing the signs, for not noticing your clouds; you can already see Carina's tears and hear her screams muffled by the sound of the siren of the truck of the 19’s Station.

A small and elusive tear slips down your cheek, sliding down your chin before falling on the letter you hold in your left hand. The usual "it's not your fault, you have to move on, I love you" letter You're such a hypocrite; you're fucking disgusting. If only you could swallow those pills without thinking about the two of them.

The sound of your phone ringing echoes through the bathroom, startling you so much that the pills you were holding tightly in your hand scatter on the floor.

You pick up the pills, letting your phone ring. Again and again, until, finally, it stops and goes to voicemail.

 

"Hey Bambina, I forgot my keys. I know, I know, you and Maya are always telling me that if it wasn't because I have it attached, I'd be able to lose my mind too, but can you do me a favor? Leave the keys on the door because I'm parking right now and I don't want to ring the doorbell or Max will glare and the neighbors will complain."

A small laugh escapes the Italian's lips as she greets you with an "I love you." God, how you love that laugh.

And, just as Max has heard the voice of his favorite mistress, he joins you in the bathroom and starts sniffing the pills on the floor. You open your eyes wide, awakening from your trance-like state, and shoo him away ungently before quickly picking up all the pills. You hold them in your hand, clutching them as if they were the most important thing in the world, and hide them in your pants pocket.

 

Panic grips your chest as you realize that all your plans are blown and you will now have to start over. You mentally repeat to yourself if you have performed all your rituals: if you have touched the doorknob three times, given Max the kibble by placing it three at a time in the bowl before putting it down, washed your hands for twelve seconds three times after eating, you have done nothing wrong, yet fate has screwed you over, so you must have done something wrong; there is no other way, not for your brain at least. After all, it's hard to reason rationally with OCD.

You don't even realize that you have opened the front door for Carina as you feel that, slowly, your panic attack is taking you deeper. It's one you haven't had in a long time. Your heart almost seems to explode in your chest. You put your hand on it, feeling the force with which it beats against your rib cage. You're so focused on the simple act of breathing that you don't notice Max scratching at your leg to try to get your attention, nor the door opening. Carina enters the apartment, and the smile on her face quickly fades as she sees Max whimper against your leg and your chest rise and fall all too quickly.

Carina lets her bag slide to the ground before letting herself fall to her knees in front of you. Her eyes scrutinize you with concern, trying to figure out how long you have been in this state or whether you hurt yourself unconsciously during the panic attack.

 

"Bambina, look at me." Carina takes your face in her hands, stroking your cheeks gently. "Hey, hey, eyes on me. You need to breathe, okay? Breathe love."

You feel the warmth of her hands on your cheeks, but although you see her lips moving, you don't actually feel anything. The only sound you can hear is that of your heart practically exploding.

You pull away from his touch, and your breathing becomes even faster. His voice comes muffled to your ears.

"No, no, no, hey, hey, eyes on me. Y/n...love, you need to breathe. It's okay; I'm here with you; you're not alone. Bambina breathe."

 

The urgency in Carina's voice makes you barely look up, but your panic attack doesn't stop; in fact, it keeps getting worse. Carina runs a hand through her hair, thinking about what to do and coming up with the only possible solution.

"I'm going to pick you up now, okay? I'm sorry, Bambina, but I have to; it's for your own good."

The doctor takes you in her arms despite your protests, carries you into the bathroom, and puts you in the shower before opening the cold jet by entering with you and holding you tightly in her arms so you don't fall out.

 

The cold jet hits you with the same brutality as that of a high-speed train. You gasp, trying to pull away, but Carina won't let you. She holds you close to her as you come completely out of your panic attack—not until about fifteen minutes under the cold jet, though.

"Here they are, the eyes I love so much," Carina whispers softly against your temple, leaving you a kiss and then covering you with a towel, trying to get you dry as quickly as possible. You let Carina undress you, put on clean, dry clothes, and then begin drying your hair with such a gentle amount of gentleness that it almost makes you cry.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watch the bathroom, thinking about how that night should have been different, especially for your girls. Your eyes widen when you see the letter you carelessly abandoned on the bathroom floor, reminding you that Carina might very well read the letter if she only noticed it. That simple and seemingly innocuous thought almost gives you another panic attack.

You jerk up, not thinking straight, not thinking that this strange behavior of yours will draw Carina's attention to you any more than it already did with your panic attack. You bend down, under the confused gaze of the Italian doctor, and pick up the letter, then flush it down the toilet. Your hands tremble as you do so, and Carina notices.

The doctor picks up your wet clothes from the floor and is about to throw them into the dirty, striped laundry basket that Maya was so insistent that you keep in the bathroom, but she does not. Her fingers graze a small bulge in the right pocket of your shorts. The Italian frowns, not recognizing, through her density, the thing to which that small bump is due. So she just sticks her hand in the pocket, and you are far too devolved and paranoid about the letter to notice what she is doing; in fact, you don't even try to stop her. When Carina pulls her hand out of her pocket, your heart leaps and almost seems to stop. The cold water has succeeded in bringing you out of your panic attack but has failed to completely dissolve the pills, much to your misfortune. Carina holds that shapeless, disgusting slop in her hands; it takes her a few seconds to realize it's pills. And though she wants to deny it to herself, it takes her even less time to realize what you were about to do.

 

 

"Please tell me this is not what I think. Please y/n."

You don't have the courage to answer her; who would have any? You feel so stupid right now. Carina starts sobbing, sitting on the floor. You lean your back against the wall and shake your head over and over again, clutching your hair in the fingers of your left hand as if to convince yourself that this is not real. When you do not answer, Carina gets her answer; silence is tacit consent, and you both know this very well.

You kneel in front of your girlfriend; you take her hands in yours, gently stroking her knuckles.

"Car, car, look at me. It's okay, I'm here.”

She shakes her head, reaching out to you and holding you in her arms. As she traps you in her grip, she cannot control the sobs that shake her body.

"I'm so sorry I didn't notice; I'm so sorry, my love..."

"Car, don't say that, please. It's not your fault or Maya's fault; everything is just too much sometimes, often, almost always. And I love you so much, but I can't take it. I don't see any other solution, Carina."

Your voice breaks as you say this; as bad as it is to admit, you feel relieved. You have felt this thought oppressing your chest for so long, and now that you have revealed it, you finally feel free of the unbearable boulder you have been forced to bear for months.

 

Carina remains silent, merely holding you tightly to her and stroking your hair. She hides her face in the space between your shoulder and jaw, inhaling deeply of your scent. The Italian trembles only at the thought that she could no longer have snuggled into your warm embrace if you had done what you intended to do more than an hour ago. With a shuddering breath and without letting go of you, Carina slips her own phone out of the pocket of the tight-fitting Levis jeans that you and Maya both approved of after an intense staring session focused on the beautiful backside of your beloved girlfriend.

 

"Y/n, I know you'd like to do that, but we can't pretend it's not happening. I'd be safer getting you  admitted."Carina freezes when she feels your body stiffen in her arms and your breathing become shorter. "But I don't want you to do anything that doesn't make you feel comfortable, so this is completely your decision. Of course, if you're going to stay at home, we'll have to set some rules here."

Carina whispers in your ear, pulling away just enough to look into your eyes and brush a strand of unruly hair away from your face.

"Whatever you choose, we both know that Maya must be aware of everything you are feeling and happening to you; she better than anyone can understand what you are feeling, Bambina."

 

Carina watches you carefully, and when you open your mouth to protest and to tell her that you don't want to give them any additional weight and that Maya already has a lot to do with her role at the station, she stops you immediately, shaking her head firmly.

"No, this will not be questioned. I will call her now and tell her to go home because we need her. Our jobs are not more important than yours; don't ever think that."

The doctor leaves a kiss on your temple before getting up and leaving the bathroom to make the call. She doesn't close the door; the terror and knot in her stomach she feels at even the thought of leaving you alone won't let her. She is terrified that your mind will get the better of you, especially after today, after a few moments when you were about to commit madness.

The phone call is brief and coincidental; Carina doesn't say too much, just talking about the panic attack. She doesn't want Maya to drive home with the same fear she is feeling right now. As soon as the call ends and Maya assures you of her return to your apartment in less than a quarter of an hour, Carina's arms encircle your sides again, and your embrace squeezes you just as it did moments before. She definitely has no intention of letting you go.

 

A little sneeze on your part makes you both gasp and realize that your hair is still partially wet. Although you insist on drying it yourself, Carina won't let you; she is more than happy to do it for you, and right now she needs to be with you as long as possible. Before you know it, Max is waving goodbye to his favorite mistress as well as his lieutenant.

 

"Hi, boy, where are your moms?" Maya smiles, patting the small German shepherd puppy on the head before heading toward the only lit room. The sight that greets Maya as soon as she enters your bedroom is what makes her dream at night: Carina with her arms around your hips, holding you close, wearing only a white shirt and black lace underwear, spooning you from behind.

"Hey, I'm home. What happened, baby?"

You feel the mattress lower as soon as Maya sits down on it. The blonde firefighter strokes your arm gently and smiles at you. She is worried about you but tries to hide it as best as she can. Of course, both you and Carina notice; the blonde cannot hide anything from you after all these years.

You remain silent, avoiding answering that very difficult question. You are actually very tired and ashamed, not daring to look up and look at one of the loves of your life as you confess to her that missed act.

Carina leaves you a kiss on the temple before leaving her grip on you, though with great effort. You watch her get out of bed and drag Maya out of the room, knocking on the door.

When the light fails so much that you can't even draw the contours of the candlestick over your head, you release the breath you've held up until that moment. You're sorry; you're embarrassed, of course, but not for the reason that your girls might think... no, don't be ashamed to have tried and to want to try; I hate you for not having succeeded. You are so angry with yourself; you are more than aware of the fact that that feeling of freedom you experienced before will never return, not with the burden that now oppresses your chest for the bitterness of being discovered and of not having completed what should have been done instead.

 

 

Silent tears dig your zigoms before ending up on the sides of the pillow; bed covers rise and fall at the same time as your chest. For a moment, just for a moment, you close your eyes and tell yourself that all this has never happened, that Carina has not found the pills, and that you have succeeded in your attempt to eliminate yourself once for all from the face of the planet. But when the light that returns to embrace the room and the light of the door that is again opened make you open your eyes, the dream disappears in the same way that an oasis in the desert turns out to be only a hallucination, nothing more.

You're watching Maya. Her eyes are glossy, her lips are rosy, and she can't stand still, moving her weight from one foot to the other. Carina returns to the same position in which you were before the arrival of the other girl and as soon as she does it, the relief of the Italian being close again and of your warm skin in contact with her makes her relax immediately. It feels like the moment she left the room, she stopped breathing, and now, finally, she can do it again.

 

 

Maya lies in front of you, leans her forehead against yours, and gently caresses your face.

"I would like to take away the feeling of emptiness that you are feeling right now," her whispering words resonate in the room as you are wrapped in the heat emanating from both their bodies. "I wish to be able to do so because I know this burden my love, and it is not something I would ever want to see in you, in either of you two."

Some tears tear her cheeks, but Maya dries them quickly, not because she doesn't want to be weak but because she is well aware that you need all her support right now. She'll cry later, when your eyes are closed in a sweet sleep, and she'll be sure you're still here, with her, with them.

 

 

“I don’t want you to pursue the clouds like I did y/n; clouds can seem beautiful, sweet, and soft, but remember that it’s clouds that carry the stormy, my love, and we can’t lose our sun because I’m afraid that clouds would swallow us up without your light.”

The firefighter caresses your face with the same care and delicacy with which someone handle a brush on a candid white canvas.

Carina is just clinging to you; the knot in her throat prevents her from speaking, but even if you don't have the strength to tell him right now, the confidence that his arms around you give you is more than enough.

A long-held whimper shakes your chest, and your girls tighten you a little stronger, anchoring you to reality and not letting you escape and fly into your shady and irrational mind. You let go to a freeing cry, to whispers and weeping that, though necessary, break the hearts of your soulmates. And they let you blow up; they hold you back; they whisper sweet words followed by small, delicate kisses in your hair, cuddling you like you were a baby in a belt that's desperate as soon as she's born.

It takes more than ten minutes before you can calm down. Carina massages your back, softening the pain of the continuous whispers that have shaken your bones as Maya keeps kissing away your tears.

 

 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don’t think I can do it without  help it’s all too much." You take a break; everything you’re saying is hard to deal with, but say it out loud. Well, that’s a whole other story. “Rituals are killing me; I’m not doing anything without thinking that something might go wrong, that you two might die because I am wrong about some stupid passage of the fucking and-”

"Hey, hey, it's all right. It's going to be all right; we'll be here at every step, Bella. We don't leave you alone; you're not alone, and you'll never be. We won't let you think of reaching the clouds again, okay? Never again,  baby."“Your pain is our pain; your suffering is our suffering, until the end." Carina strings you even more, extending her hand towards Maya to tell her to do the same, and there, in their arms, it seems to you that you are away from all the problems of the world. You just feel like a number in an infinity of numbers; you feel like a thread in a lawn and there's something incredibly reassuring about being just a thread, because a thread is not responsible for all the evils in the world. (Cit. ZeroCalcare)

Thank you for reading! Was it hard to write? Yes, but it is also extremely liberating. I hope it will help some of you. Ah, and of course, have a great day!

P.s: sorry, it’s a very long fic

Taglist: @mmmmokdok @chaekhan @blackhill2245 @melatonindaydreamz @foggytidalwavefun @sevnheaven @budoxinha @gayshyandreadytocry @lighthousekiller @m456300 @blitzar-3 @in-love-with-heda @idontknownemore @lesbianbabe @speedup500 @differentranchempathfestival @mebeingthatbitch @jemilyswife @yuleni18 @whyamihere2673 @reggierizzoli

[somber-sapphic]

hello! i’m like obsessed with your writing and would really like request another marina x reader with the 99.9% immunity and the milking it types of sickie. have a wonderful day/ night 😊

Sniffles and Snuggles

〖Notes: Wow, this is late. I'm sorry it took so long, please enjoy. I know the ending is a bit rushed.〗

〖Summary: Perfect immune system my ass.〗

〖Word Count: 1884 〗

〖Pairing: marina x reader〗

☾Masterlists☽

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d gotten sick. Not an exaggeration, you genuinely couldn’t remember. Maya had a stomach bug a few months ago and she had assured you that you would end up getting it, basically promising that you would soon be joining her on the bathroom floor. 

Not to brag, but you hadn’t. Instead, you’d managed to take care of the firefighter and Carina, who had succumbed to the same illness only hours after Maya. Your girlfriends were incredibly glad that you hadn’t gotten sick, both because they needed help (though they’d never admit it) and because you were….somewhat of a pain when you got sick. 

It didn’t happen often, it practically never happened, but when it did you got hit hard. And when you got hit hard, you got a tad whiny. They both agreed that you had the right to be overdramatic when you got sick it was never a minor cold, it was the flu, pneumonia, food poisoning, strep, and even chickenpox. The three of you were all confused about that last one, but you had been holding onto your girlfriends with everything you had. 

The morning you woke up with a stuffy nose and a sore throat you knew that you were in for a week of hell. The alarm blared in your ear, pleading with you to turn it off and get ready for the day. The sound hammered against your skull, pounding nails of fire into your brain. No matter how much you wanted to, you couldn’t make yourself get up. You couldn’t move, your stiff limbs absolutely refused the orders to move.

“Y/n, turn it off,” Maya grumbled, nudging you in the hip with her knee. She was wrapped around Carina with one of her legs draped over your torso. The woman was practically the definition of a bed hog, but you couldn’t help but enjoy it. The way she starfished out across the mattress was so cute (most of the time).

When you didn’t move to quiet the alarm, she sat up, groaning loudly as she smacked the stupid device. 

“I do not know why you’re complaining, it’s your alarm, Maya,” Carina said in response, a yawn following immediately after her sentence. The blonde smacked her phone until the blaring stopped and you let out a sigh of relief, curling back up so that you were a small ball. 

“Y/n? Are you okay bambina?” The brunette asked, sitting up beside Maya. You sniffled in response, rubbing your knuckles against your runny nose. A harsh cough erupted from your lips, your chest burning and your body convulsing with each expulsion of air. 

You leaned over the bed and spit a glob of mucus into the trash can, wondering what was wrong with you this time. The crackling in your lungs and what was probably a middle-grade fever suggested bronchitis. You’d heard Carina talk about medicine enough to diagnose yourself pretty well over the years. 

Tears sprang to your eyes and you touched your throat, the light probing of the skin causing more pain somehow. You turned to squish your face into the pillow, trying to seem less babyish than you felt. Every time you got sick your emotions went absolutely haywire and it was humiliating. 

One of your girlfriends (probably Maya, she was closer) laid a hand on the nape of your neck and gasped softly. You could practically see the worry on her face even though you were facing away from her. 

“Car, she’s burning up.” The blonde murmured, getting a soft curse from Carina. 

“She came to see me at the hospital the other day. It was overrun with flu patients.” The Italian replied, looking a little pleased with herself for remembering the expression. You rolled over, your lower lip quivering as you looked into the loving faces of your girlfriends. 

Carina leaned across Maya and laid the back of her hand against your forehead, her expression souring. She tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear and rested her palm against your cheek lovingly. 

You pulled away to sneeze into your pillow, the loud sound wearing you out even further. You honestly couldn’t remember the last time that you had felt so sick, but you knew that it would probably end in hospitalization if you didn’t cooperate. 

You began to cry in earnest, shaking with coughs as your sobs irritated your throat and lungs. Maya, who wasn’t always the most physically affectionate, pulled you into a tight hug, allowing you to tuck your head under her chin, against her chest. 

“Okay, babe. You chose the right time to get sick because Car and I both have the day off. Just lay back down and we’ll get everything taken care of. Does that sound good?” She murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. 

You sniffled and nodded into her chest, beginning to feel more comfortable with the idea of being sick. It was almost frightening to think that you would be alone, but knowing that the women you loved would be there to make sure that you didn’t die was nice. 

“Did you feel sick yesterday Y/n?” Carina asked, prompting you to think back to the day before. Now that she’d mentioned it, you’d felt sort of heavy yesterday and a bit tired, but you’d chalked it up to a poor night's sleep the day before. 

Maya had had a particularly bad nightmare and had woken up screaming. It had just been the two of you so it had fallen to you to take care of her, to calm her down. It had been a long night for the both of you, after she finally fell back to sleep you had remained awake just in case the blonde needed you again. 

“Kinda.” You rasped, wrinkling your nose in shock at how your voice sounded. It was the first word that you had spoken during the conversation and you truly hadn’t expected to sound as bad as you did, especially in just one word. It was congested and hoarse and grated against your raw throat. 

“Geez, that doesn’t sound great. I’ll go make you some tea, see if we can sort that out a bit.” Maya pecked your forehead before slipping from the bed and padded out of the room on bare feet, seeming to forget about the slippers which she typically wore. 

You rubbed your nose against your fist and frowned over at Carina who was scooting closer to you, wearing what you liked to call her ‘doctor face’. 

“Carina-”

“Hush. May I feel?” She asked, gesturing toward your throat. God, she was preparing to give you a full exam. You loved her very much, but you hated medical professionals. You coughed into your shirt and forced yourself to sit up, a rush of dizziness flooding through your head as you did so. 

“Yeah.” You mumbled, giving a weak shrug. Carina placed her hands at the base of your throat, probing swollen glands with incredibly gentle hands. She moved up to under your eyes, frowning slightly as you winced when she pressed there. 

“Your sinuses feel a bit swollen. Did it hurt?” You nodded and leaned forward to lay your head on yer shoulder. 

“Oh, cara mia. In a few hours if you do not feel any better we can go to Grey Sloan and get you seen.” She said gently, rubbing your back in a comforting manner. You didn’t want to go to the hospital, but if she was right about a sinus infection you knew that you wouldn’t have much of a choice. 

“Alright, I’ve got chamomile tea with lemon and honey and a thermometer,” Maya announced, walking back into the room with not only that but also a bottle of what may be the most vile thing on earth: cough medicine.

“Thank you.” You managed, taking the steaming mug gratefully. You blew on the hot liquid and took a careful sip, a soft smile spreading over your cracked lips. It was the perfect temperature and although you couldn’t taste it, you were sure that it was amazing. It soothed your throat and that’s all that mattered. 

“Of course babe, it’s the least I could do. What’s with the face, Carina?” The blonde asked, nodding toward the Italian woman who was gnawing on her lip with worried eyes. 

“We are going to end up in the hospital. It’s always the hospital with this one.” She grumbled, squeezing your elbow affectionately. There was no real malice behind her tone, just mild annoyance mixed with concern. 

Maya chuckled and sat back on the edge of the bed, scooting you over a bit. She dragged the thermometer across your forehead, resting it on your temple as the three of you waited for the beep. 

“We’ll try to avoid that this time, right Y/n/n?” You cracked a smile and took another sip of the tea, settling back into bed. For now, you weren’t going anywhere. “Oh, by the way, I snuck the medicine into the tea so you’re drinking it all.”

The look on your face must have been priceless because both women started to cackle, Carina even going as far as to double over as tears came to her eyes. 

“That was uncalled for.” You grumbled, eyeing the drink in a new light. It wasn’t like you could taste the medicine, but knowing that it was in there made you hesitant to drink it. Part of you debated trekking to the kitchen to dump the whole thing out. 

“Drink it all and I won’t help Carina make you soup later.” Maya threatened, reminding you of her utter lack of skill in the kitchen. She had given you and Carina food poisoning once over bad lasagna and you had vowed never to eat something she cooked again. 

“Fine, I’ll drink. But I want cuddles. Will you give me cuddles?” The brunette on your left wrapped her arms around your waist and kissed your collarbone, pushing her nose against your skin. 

“Of course bella. All of the cuddles. We can watch whatever movie you want and I’ll make Pastina with Maya locked in another room.” Carina chuckled, nudging the tea a bit closer to your face. You took a deep sip, almost finished with the mug. 

Now that you knew it was in there what was left of your sense of taste was picking up on the medicine. It was no longer the best thing that had happened in days, it was now disgusting. 

“You can’t taste for shit, stop complaining. Come on, one more sip and you’re done.” With a slight eye roll (which you regretted, it hurt) you took one big gulp, finishing the rest of the medicated tea. 

“You win.” You rasped, shoving the mug back towards Maya, who was wearing an amused expression on her face. 

“Thank you, my dear.” She singsonged, taking the mug as she leaned forward to kiss your forehead. 

A non-fever-related blush crossed your cheeks and you hummed quietly, curling back up under the blankets. For now, you could relax. Maybe it would get worse, but even if it did, these two had your back. Dating an EMT and a doctor could really come in handy. 

〖Join My Taglist!〗@lovelyy-moonlight, @bloomingflowersthings, @lots-of-pockets, @asiangmrchk13

[veterantrainerray]

Hello. My name is Ray Clayton, and my ten year old niece convinced me to try blogging for the benefit of trainers out there.

My experience encompasses pokemon care, battle tactics, training regimens and trainer coaching. Ran the Kanto League back in the day, took part in a few others. Decided the whole champion schtick ain’t for me, but the League life is.

I’ve worked with gym leaders, aspiring trainers, professors and even Elite Four members.

I am NOT qualified to offer input on medical matters beyond the dos and don’ts of training safely. I am not qualified to diagnose or assess injuries on any form of remote platform. See a veterinarian or other qualified professional for that.

My niece says yall can send me questions directly on here. I’ll answer all of ‘em I can.

I’m Mara, one of the ranch hands. Me ‘n my sister Maya help keep things runnin’. Takes a lotta grit and even more muscle to handle this kinda work! My partner is Alexander, a Nidoking. He’s the twin brother of my sister’s partner.

My name is Maya. I’m just about the one elegant thing about this dusty old backwater! Me and my Nidoqueen, Rose, do what we can to class up the place, but there’s only so much that can be done…

Already this blog has been the subject of a bit of toxicity. All I’m gonna say to you Negative Nancys is that I ain’t gonna give ya the time of day, and be sure to read and comprehend somethin’ before you mouth off about it. Odds are you’re criticizing an answer to a question you only imagined was being asked, when the answer was to the question that was actually asked.

Since folks want my Pokemon written here, here ya go:

Pyrite - Rhyperior, first partner. Born on the ranch, currently guards a mysterious egg.

Piezo - Magnezone, First wild-caught partner, retired from battling to pursue crisis response for fulfillment reasons.

Bruce - Emboar, adopted from being a pet

Old Spooky - Dusclops, followed me home from Hoenn, older’n my grandpa, retired from battling

Wright - Yanmega, retired from battling due to injury

Gala - A shiny Dipplin, was in a crate of apples and adopted.

Nimbus - Dratini adopted in Paldea. Wants to learn Thunder.

Beethoven - Poliwag from a Kitakami river, gets along with everyone.

Slowking - Galarian variety. Helped get me on my feet shortly after catchin’. Name pending.

Lapras - Wounded in Blueberry Academy’s Terarium, adopted at Director’s reccomendation. Really likes roasted Aspear berries. Name pending.

Girafarig - Hatched from an egg Pyrite picked up somewhere in Paldea and guarded fiercely. Curious and energetic, name pending.

“Loyal” Three Trio - Undecided how to handle them. Caught them just to get them outta the locals’ hair. All three got attitude problems.

The ranch is also home to several Rhyhorn herds, a herd of Galarian Ponyta up north, and a gaggle of other wild Pokemon I ain’t gotten around to getting outta here yet.

[cyandreamz]

✭ Phoenix Wright ✭

Today I drew a Phoenix and I think I'm slowly but surely getting better at drawing him and enjoyed drawing this, especially his full body pose :3. I also found myself appreciating his AA5/6 suit design a lot more but still changed some details, like making the buttons on his vest pink to match his tie and making the vest light blue like it looks like it is in AA5 was was changed to white for AA6 which kinda makes me mad cuz a white vest on a white shirt!? WHY!? I think the white vest bothers me more than him suddenly getting blue eyes, though I think that opinion heavy influenced by fanon Phoenix having heterochromia, presumably because of the AA6 official art (cuz his model in AA6 still has dark grey eyes!? and they did the same with Maya, why???).

Now for some Phoenix hcs I have:

After much consideration I've decided I personally subscribe to Phoenix's being a Theatre art major however, I still hc him as being good at painting and I like to think he helped paint a lot of the sets and props.

He is also massive art snob, to the point Miles refuses to go to art galleries with him, otherwise he'll deal with Phoenix loudly criticizing each and every art work.

He's an only child and was raised by his Mom. His Dad and her divorced when he was a Toddler so he doesn't remember him. His last name is from his Mom.

he got his phone in 2008 as a teen (it was his first phone) and never upgraded it until 20 years later when it finally died. Trucy, Miles, Larry and Maya all bullied him into getting a smart phone.

He has ADHD but wasn't aware until Athena one day made an off hand comment towards him with the assumption her boss was diagnosed.

I also hc him as bi, cuz why no ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[dinofur]

Big list of my Mannequin Mark headcanons so far

Mark has autism and depression, neither of which are diagnosed. His special interest is woodworking and is often the only thing he has spoons for. He avoids getting a diagnosis out of the fear that it will mean there’s something “wrong with [him].”

He is ethnically Maya.

He in fluent in English and Spanish and is a native speaker of Yucatec.

They are 52 y/o currently. They escaped the cult in their early 20s, met Wallter in their early 30s, got married at 44, and got divorced at 50.

She identifies as a nonbinary gay man.

He was originally built as a dress form mannequin, something that made him extremely dysphoric. Once he got out of the cult he carved himself a new body without breasts.

Mark designed his arms himself and they’re something that makes him far more articulated than other mannequins, who can typically only rotate their arms at the shoulders (sagittal plane), upper arms (transverse plane), and wrists (transverse plane). He’s made a similar pair of arms for Jim. All mannequins can rotate on the transverse and sagittal planes at the chest joint.

Despite his comparative flexibility, Mark is still not as flexible as the average human would be; he’s made of oak wood and that wood is 1. heavy, and 2. not flexible. This means that making himself with a ball jointed style simply wasn’t possible. The most noticeable consequence of this is that he can only rotate his fingers on the frontal plane, meaning he can’t spread them.

Over the years as he’s sculpted new or altered pieces for his body he’s unintentionally made himself fatter each time. He likes being a fat guy, it just wasn’t on purpose.

The “hair” on their body are notches that they carved in, then carefully stained to be a darker color than the rest of them. They gave themself facial and chest hair for fun, but the arm hair does serve an actual function. The longer notches are exactly an inch apart each, with the shorter notches being half inches between. This allows them to use their arm as a measuring tool in a pinch.

Her face is drawn on, but it can still emote. When she blushes, black lines appear on her cheeks. The mouth doesn’t open, even when she’s speaking. Drinks just get tipped back and disappear, and bites vanish from food whenever nobody’s looking.

He’s a good cook! Self-taught for fun (he doesn’t need to eat to survive), then he had an actual reason to once he started seeing Wallter. He still cooks for himself nowadays, just less often.

Xer favorite food is rib eye steak.

His favorite drink is bloxy cola. His favorite alcoholic drink is a Mai Tai made with Charanda and the cheapest orange liqueur you can find.

Their favorite music genres are Bluegrass and Zydeco, and they hate when people reduce them to “banjo music” or “accordion music.”

He gets disability aid money from the government for technically being a bilateral amputee, something he got at Walter’s encouragement.

He gets payment through selling what he makes and taking commissions himself, which isn’t great considering he is very very bad at pricing his work. Wallter helped him with it before, but nowadays he has a bad habit of giving friends outrageous discounts and under-pricing his work because “[he does] it fer the love a’ wood!”

His work consists of anything from whittling, to toy making, to carving, to even just turning logs into planks. If it involves doing something to wood, he’ll do it.

They helped Jim escape the cult.

He met Lampert at Rokea while furniture shopping with Wallter. He later encountered him again at a gay bar looking very out of place, and that’s where they hit it off as friends. He has never felt paternalistic feelings towards Lampert.

They and Wallter met at a mixer for disabled people in construction jobs.

The scarf Wallter has was originally hers, and something she escaped the cult with. She gave it to Wallter in hopes she could give it a more positive association. It worked.

He’s always seen wood as the superior building material, but he didn’t actually hate concrete until Wallter started drinking Gray Stuff and he saw the effects it was having on his body; the stiff joints, the slowed movement, the memory issues… he still asks DrRETRO if he can see Wallter’s x-rays, even when the answer is always no.

Even if he got into a new relationship he’d still have feelings for Wallter, something that would bring him a lot of guilt.

[freak-attorney]

Random Ace Attorney headcanons!!! :D

Feel free to leave ur own in the notes or if u agree/disagree!!

(Also please keep in mind that I'm basing these off of the first trilogy since that it all I've played so far!)

Feel free to ask/request any other specific headcanons from me :D

Phoenix Wright

Barely passed the LSAT

Used to have panic attacks in court (is now in therapy)

Always has a hair tie for Maya

Has learned how to do Pearl's hair for her

Filipino/American

Chronically online

Finds millennial humor funny

ADHD undiagnosed

Bisexual

His hair ALWAYS has traces of gel in it

He's a dog person but loves cats

His suit is always a bit wrinkled

Survives on red bull and microwave dinners

*finger guns*

Love language is physical touch and acts of service

Falls asleep at his desk every night during a case

Needs 5+ alarms to wake up in the morning

Uses concealer to hide his eye bags

Doesn't floss

Sleeps like a starfish

Has sweat stains on several shirts

Naturally wavy hair but he straightens it

Miles Edgeworth

Always hours early to a case because he's very anxious about being late

Sometimes wishes he had a different career (outside of law) but never even considered it an option until recently

Very argumentative over silly things, eventually apologizes with a small gift or note

Love language is gift giving

Enjoys parallel play.. like he enjoys just having someone in his office while he's working even though he doesn't acknowledge them

Has good stamina from always using stairs over elevators

Can cook very well, enjoys cooking for others

Autistic (late diagnosed)

Has a collection of fidget toys that only a few people know about

Chronically OFFline

Enjoys animal crossing and other peaceful games

Has excellent hygiene

Started dying his hair grey as soon as he found one strand of grey hair

Makes a photo album for Franziska for her birthday each year

Has a blanket that he's slept with for 10+ years

Keeps every trinket that Pearl or Maya might give him

Has fresh clothes and toiletries at the office in case he sleeps there

Prefers gold over silver

Is a cat person but is okay with dogs (he thinks dogs are messy)

Has an ironing board in the wall of his office

Probably gay or somewhere on the aroace spectrum

Wears a full face of makeup to court (gatekeeps his sweat proof foundation)

Sleeps curled up in one corner of his bed

Maya Fey

Loves to do cartwheels (can't actually do a proper cartwheel)

Tries learning Japanese on DuoLingo (can't keep more than a 5 day streak)

Taught Pearl basically everything she knows

Love language is quality time

Is very good at rhythm games

Has "childish" interests like Sailor Moon, Hello Kitty, My Little Pony, etc.

Enjoys older arcade games like Galaga, Frogger, and Mappy

Wanted to be a veterinarian at some point but is a bit too squeamish for that

Is ALWAYS late even if she plans to be early

Sleeps with a night light

Has a collection of rocks that Pearl gave her growing up

Loves abstract art

Hugs very tightly

Since Mia's death her last words to anyone close to her when they separate for any amount of time is "I love you" just in case

Is naturally unorganized but started keeping a planner when she started working with Phoenix... she sometimes forgets the planner exists but she TRIES okay??

Dick Gumshoe

Love language is gift giving and acts of service for SURE

Would gladly give someone his umbrella in the rain knowing he'd get soaked

Doesn't know how to cook because he doesn't have the resources but he'd like to learn

Forgot to put water in his ramen once and almost burned his apartment down

Doesn't always shower because his water gets cut off

Smells pretty rank but Edgeworth gifts him nice body sprays sometimes

Always makes sure Edgeworth is up at a reasonable time for a case/trial even though he really doesn't need to

Always chewing gum

Dream car is a Jeep Wrangler

Demiromantic

Memorizes little details about people to give them good birthday/holiday gifts

Gets very excited about fortune cookies

Loves buffets

Gives the BEST hugs

Is scared of thunderstorms and terrified of hurricanes

Really appreciates small gifts like keychains or trinkets

Lets Maya and Pearl paint his nails

Has really large and calloused hands

Sleeps all snuggled up hugging a pillow

Used to collect magnifying glasses

Bites on his pencils/pens

Franziska Von Karma

Sapphic.

She wears press ons

Stalks the social media accounts of her clients

Sleeps in a grandma nightgown

Has two planners: one physical and one on her phone

Really wants a pet rabbit

Has so many decorative pillows on her bed and arranges them every morning

Hits people next to her when she laughs

Quietly gives gifts for holidays/birthdays without making it a big deal

Casually gives super expensive gifts

Plays Genshin

Forces Edgeworth to watch reality TV with her (Say Yes to the Dress, My Strange Addiction, ANTM, Jersey Shore)

Really likes horror movies but can't handle too much gore

Classically trained in ballet

Enjoys photography

Watches the Kentucky Derby every year

Basically raised Miles when Manfred didn't

Knows how to sew but doesn't have the time

Collects Monster High dolls

Likes dogs but LOVES cats

Finds dumb people really attractive

Needs complete silence when doing paperwork or she can't concentrate

Autistic (undiagnosed)

Doesn't plan on ever getting married

Probably one of the only characters that gets proper sleep

Prefers pleated skirts over pencil but wears them in court to look professional

Hates the texture of chiffon fabric

Always wearing a different pair of earrings

Has a couple small tattoos but covers them well

Has the sharpest eyeliner known to man

Fluent in a few languages including Mandarin Chinese, French, and Italian

That's all for now!!

[oneshotnewbie]

Carina and Mayas girlfriend (love triangle) works at the vet clinic. Today she has a significant bad day because one of her patients died and she couldn't save them and it shows in her messages to Maya and Carina so the firefighter and/or Carina show up at work and tries to cheer her up with lots of kisses and affection?

Authors note: This story is a bit shorter than others because I didn't have much time to write over the weekend. Have pity on me ❤

Summary:After a devastating loss for you, both Carina and Maya help you with some cuddles and affection.

---

Excited, the two woman walked up the ramp to the veterinary office where you worked to pay you a little visit with your favorite food in the luggage. They knew you did not like unannounced visits; you usually had a lot of patients of all sizes coming in either for regular treatment or emergencies that left you with no time in between to chat with your girlfriends.

However, according to your brief and unemotional messages to them, they had every reason to worry and so they teamed up during their lunch breaks to make their way over to check on you; to see how you were. "Excuse us, where can we find Doctor L/n?"

The lady at the reception had the landline phone stretched to her ear while she was typing on her computer; totally stressed out. Her gaze shifted to the two ladies in front of her for just a brief second, smiling when she saw the faces of her boss wives and she whispered a quick -One moment please- before turning back to the screen and reading aloud to the person on the phone.

Carina nodded and stepped back to protect the patients privacy. With a quick pull on one of Maya´s arm, she brought her behind the line of discretion. While they waited, the blonde nervously wiggled her leg and bit her lip; she just wanted to rush into your office and take you into her embrace- something bad must have happened to make you behave so cold towards them.

"Doctor DeLuca?" requested the receptionist after a short wait and the addressed turned around. She crossed the last few meters between her and the counter, leaning her elbows on the glass to listen to the other woman talking. "She is in her office but does not want to be disturbed right now. I am sorry."

Now Maya had also approached and put her hands on her hips. Her gaze was questioning and urgent; her eyebrows raised sharply, so that small wrinkles formed on her forehead. "With all respect, we know that you have your orders but she is our wife and we are worried so we are going in now and you will not stop us!"

She pushed past Carina, who previously bit her lip and then started moving backwards as she followed the blonde into your office. When they got there, both of the knocked wildly on your door with their open hand, but when you did not answer, the firefighter opened the door and was startled at the sight of you.

You sat on the sofa with your green scrubs on, your legs bent against your chest and your head tucked into your arms. A soft sob escaped your throat and your body trembled with every breath you took- you were so lost in your own grief that you did not even noticed the knocks and the footsteps approaching your form.

As the couch deepened next to you, strong arms wrapped around your midsection and a chin rested on your upper arm while someone knelt in front of you with a loud crack of their kneecap, trying to clear a path to your face. Two cold fingers gently and deliberately pulled your chin up and revealed your tearful face. "Baby, what happened?"

"Duke died," you choked out dejected and both woman immediately knew, who you were talking about. A German shepherd that you have had in your care since he was 12 weeks old.

After 10 years of living his best life, you diagnosed him with osteosarcoma a year ago, which was treated with multi-modal therapy consisting of surgery, chemo- and pain therapies which extended survival time and improved quality of life, but was not curable.

You tried to make the last few months as comfortable as possible for him, giving him the best therapy you could possibly offer but he lost the fight much faster than you thought and you had to relieve him from his agony this morning.

Through the years of bonding with each other, his death took you extremely hard and you suffered. "Bella, mi dispiace tanto. (Beautiful, I am so sorry)" Carina spoke in a hushed tone and snuggled closer to your lower legs as her head rested on your lap. Gentle kisses were placed on your bare skin. Her fingertips gently stroking your thighs. "It´s not your fault. Sometimes things like this happen in life and there´s nothing you can do about it."

Tears were still streaming freely down your face and you looked at the brunette in front of you. You knew she was right, there was nothing more you could have done. But you expected more time. A reasonable goodbye. By the time the family arrived with him, he was already too far gone to give you one last look or run his tongue over your face one last time.

Maya had meanwhile also pulled her legs up and sat cross-legged next to you to place you on her lap with a strong but loving jerk before starting to rock you in her tight hug. Your head disappeared into her shoulder and your arms wrapped around her, holding her as if she were about to slip out of your grasp should you stop digging your fingernails into her blouse.

"You know, angel.." Maya started to speak and started to place little kisses on the skin of your neck while taking a break from her sentence. "Even if it hurts you incredibly now, you have to see the positive side; you took Duke out of his pain and gave him a better after-life. Up there.." she stretched her hand up and pointed her finger to the sky, waiting for your gaze to follow up with her, "..he can play with other dogs and finally romp around without pain."

The doctor meanwhile got up from her uncomfortable seat on the floor and placed herself on the free side next to Maya. She brushed a strand of hair out of your face and let it disappear behind your ear before wrapping her arms around you and placing soft kisses on the side of the face, that was still visible. "Don´t cry, bella. Where he is now is the most beautiful place for him."

[indianariesolive]

My Unpopular(ish) opinions/takes on Legacy of the Gods series by Rina Kent

Contains spoilers ⚠️

Starting off strong, let me just get this off my chest, I really dislike God of Malice. This is mainly due to the insufferable MCs; Killian & Glyndon.

First of all, I found Killian really difficult to empathize with. Sure, what his dad said about regretting having him sucks but that's no excuse to be an a$$hole. I'm sure that if a mid/ugly guy with no money & prestige did the same things he'd done when first meeting Glyndon (iykyk) they'd be mercilessly ripped apart by the fandom. Also that one line in his POV when he said that the main reason why he chose to be a med student was because that gave him a free pass to poke & prod into people's innards & watch them squirm in agony 🤢

Coming to the 2nd part, Glyndon. As a protagonist she was such a blank slate. Killian at least had personality! (A bad one but he had one nonetheless). Same can't be said about Glyndon with her wimpiness coupled with an absurd inferiority complex (despite being talented & surrounded by a powerful & loving family & friends) as well as her lack of a deep connection with her friend group. On a more serious note, I despise the absolute double standards with which she views Killian & her brother Landon. Both are clinically diagnosed psychopaths but she has none of the grace & understanding for her own brother but readily excuses her boyfriend's behavior even though both of them are the same person, different font. 🙄

Moving on to the 2nd book, God of Pain is one of my favorites in the series but not without its fair share of drawbacks. Even though Annika appeared to be a manic pixie dream girl at the beginning she grew on me as chapter by chapter, her POVs revealed her to be more complex & headstrong, contrasting the whimsical image she's perceived as (both by her love interest, the MMC Creighton as well as the other characters like her friends & family). She's a sweet, soft girl with a dormant badass side that can get dangerous when provoked & that's precisely what Creighton had to learn through the hard way.

Getting to the gist of my main problem, I really hated the way everyone treated Annika after the you-know-what. I mean, what else was she supposed to do, watch her beloved brother get murdered by the love of her life? Everyone cut her off 'cause 'she hurt Cray-Cray who's like our brother'. Well, SHE HAD TO DO THAT TO SAVE HER OWN BROTHER, YOU ABSOLUTE DUMBASSES!!!! Y'all brains weren't braining here. Also, that scene near the end where there's this huge confrontation Creighton has with Adrian Volkov & Annika with her quick thinking just snatches a guard's gun, negotiates & diffuses the situation without bloodshed was just chef's kiss. 😌

Also, everyone gushes over Lia & Yan's friendship but Yan's bond with Annika, how he plays the role of the fun uncle while Adrian glares & has to rein them in as the level-headed dad. 🥺

That brings me to this sidenote: Glyndon could take a page out of Annika's book & learn a lesson: How to Love Your Brother & Stand Up for Yourself.

Regarding Jeremy & Cecily, I don't have any major complaints. I like how Cecily put Jeremy in his place & made him grovel for disrespecting her with his trust issues. Putting his mommy issues aside, Jeremy was overall a good character for a dark romance. He's got the hot biker thing going.

Moving on to Landon & Mia. I have nothing against Mia per se. She's pretty cool. I only hated how the author ruined her bond with her twin Maya. Also, I'm kind of ashamed to say that I wasn't the biggest fan of Landon at first but then going through his POVs made me realize that I'd been bought into the anti-Lan propaganda by Glyndon. He actually cares for his siblings, unlike Killian. He just has an unconventional way of showing it. Plus there wasn't a huge power-gap/imbalance between him & Mia so that's another point in his favour.

Last but not the least, God of Fury featuring Nikolai & Brandon has got to be among my top favorites. I only dislike the unnecessary mud-slinging with the irrelevant ex Clara. Everything else was perfection. I never expected Nikolai to be such an adorable & funny character. Also something I find really funny was that both in this book as well as in her POV, Glyndon claimed to be the one closest to Brandon. The way she described her dynamic with her brothers was, "Bran & I are a team against Lan." And not only did Brandon shut her down in a gentle yet firm tone, also her dense arse never noticed anything wrong with Brandon like!?!?! Landon was the one who'd picked on Brandon's tendency to hide & repress his emotions & stuff, and he was the one who'd tried to help Brandon open up, even if his attempt was unsuccessful. So much for her being the one on the same team lol.