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ken-jaku · 8 months

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pretty nose, pretty boy. zayne from love and deepspace

there's a huge chance my phone may have distorted the quality to make it look like he has a dorsal hump but idc! i like the idea of it sm that im gonna lie to myself!

content warnings. suggestive content (smut), pussydrunk!zayne, both fem!reader and zayne are virgins, fingering, oral via face riding, zayne has a dorsal hump, semi!public sex (at akso hospital for the plot😼). vague mentions of zayne's asphyxiation kink, brief mentions of pining, nervous/anxious reader. verbal consent (zayne strictly wants words, no hums or nods). zayne is naturally dominant in this... idk what came over me. overstimulation. cumming right after an orgasm cause "love knows no bounds" :D mention of jealousy towards rafayel. reader has doctor/patient kink? all this on the first day of dating is crazyyy shit writing, haven't published anything since 2016 and that was a 5 chapter, 300 words each, wattpad story on hanahaki💀 huge chance i might edit this again later

word count. 5.09k words

"zayne?" your words are almost like a whisper as you squirm on the couch, impatience and anxiety riddling you as you can't wait to get dinner and execute your plan of either a.) finally getting a longer kiss compared to the two-second one you had earlier or b.) getting said kiss and have him hang out for a few more minutes after he walks you to your apartment. your boyfriend of just a few hours, which still feels rather unreal, sat across the room from you, hard at work. his long, scarred fingers tap away at the keyboard before him. a soft, short hum leaves his lips in acknowledgement of you.

said hum goes, unintentionally, ignored as you couldn't stop staring at him. the way his long eyelashes gently graced his lids, his nose twitching ever so slightly to shift his glasses as he focused on the computer screen. his beauty- his very being was captivating.

you never noticed it before but his nose had a small, almost unnoticeable, dorsal hump. soon enough, your mind went where no one's should be, especially on the day you confess and start dating. you wanted to fuck his face, plain and simple. sure, it was a bit too soon to have those thoughts but, really. who cares? you cuffed a pretty man with a pretty nose- you just can't help yourself!

"are you alive over there?" your physician's monotone voice almost makes you jump, "you've been staring at me for quite a while," his voice now laced with faux concern, "i couldn't get your attention for almost a minute."

you clear your throat, smoothing out your dress as you stand up. your fingers picked at each other as you got closer to him. zayne's mind drifts briefly from the task at hand as he watches you through the corner of his eyes, taking in the long silk sundress you chose to wear. the dress hugged all the right places and was quite flattering on you. for it to be the first formal piece of attire he'd see on you- it was like a blessing.

"when are we gonna leave? our reservation's in thirty minutes." you sigh, leaning over his desk and taking a peek at his computer before ultimately resting your head on the wooden surface, staring at his hands as the unfamiliar terms and long words on the screen annoyed you to no end.

"soon, my love, and stop hurting yourself. we won't be late." he places his left hand in yours, eyes not leaving the screen before him as he holds his breath in your presence. that was the end of it. you knew him well enough to know that. your begging would only result in the same monotone voice, the only difference being the almost unnoticeable annoyance that laced his words. it made no sense to fight back. you struggle not to release another sigh, your eyes never leaving the handsome man in front of you.

well, at least he has his beauty going for him despite being strict.

your hand reaches up to his face, delicately tracing the lines of his nose, following the curve of his high nose bridge upwards with your finger. just as you barely tilt his glasses, he stops you— his large, cold hand gripping your wrist. the interaction sends shivers down your spine as his eyes stare into yours with an intensity that leaves you wanting.

zayne finally lets out a breath, "is there something on my face for you to be staring at it for so long? the more you distract me, the longer this will take." your nickname follows— the word leaving his mouth sweetly in comparison to the others.

a murmur leaves your pretty, glossy lips, having swiped your tongue over them one too many times in the past three minutes, "you just have a pretty nose..." you trail off.

your physician tilts his head, eyes never leaving your face as he reads your body language. you were nervous- that was obvious but you were also hiding something, "what do you like about it?"

your cheeks feel warm and you find yourself averting his gaze as your head leaves the desk, the area now occupied with your elbows, "you have a dorsal hump."

he hums, "that i do... is that all you like?" your breath hitches and you cross your legs.

planting your palms on the wooden surface, you quickly attempt to rise from the desk only to find yourself being pulled back into place. zayne had dragged you back to him with the same singular hand that gripped your wrist. he was enjoying this, you could tell. it was never in his nature to pry so deeply even when it pertained to him so to see him show his true colours the day you begin dating...

"zayne..."

"come here." he hoarsely whispers as he stands up, taking a step closer to you before pulling you towards him, closing the distance between you two. his hand finally lets go of your wrist, opting to place both of them at the sides of your body, resting them on the desk behind you. you feel yourself leaning further against the table as he gets closer, until eventually, you find yourself almost sitting on it. he had you trapped.

zayne sighs, his head now resting on your shoulder as you eye the way his hand moves. just barely brushing your hip, he slides his hand down from your lower arm into your palm. one thing about zayne: he frequently has dreams about you- perverted ones at that. he was never proud of them but, god, did he indulge in them whenever they came along. you'd walk around the hospital every week, clueless about how he wished to secretly take you, not in front of everyone, though- he wants it to be away from prying eyes, but never prying ears.

while roaming akso and attending to duties, he'd regularly spot you in the corner of his eye- he doesn't like to admit it but he does make an attempt to cross paths with you at least once before seeing you in his office when you come for appointments. in your little skirt, you'd bend down to receive the same drink from the same secluded vending machine- the plush of your thighs on display for him to see. the sight would always leave his throat dry as he either speaks to you, forcing himself to let go of all the lewd thoughts and have a proper conversation, or he turns around quickly, as if he'd committed a sin, only to come back to that very same area every two weeks to commit the same act.

sometimes, just as he's about to address you, he hears your friend calling out to you with a sulky demeanour. it was always that same friend named rafayel too, never anyone different. deep down, he wishes for that kid to stop clinging to you like a lost puppy, showing up at akso, begging for your attention as he claims he fell down the stairs or got a cramp in his finger. he also occupies a hospital bed from time to time by admitting himself when he really doesn't need to but that's the least of zayne's grievances with him. zayne's always dreamed of wanting everyone, especially rafayel, to know you're his. and now that you two are dating, he's one step closer to said desire.

you feel two pecks on your shoulder blade and one on your palm. he brings your hand up to cup his cheek, "tell me what else you like about my nose, (name)." his tone was more commanding than anything, seemingly laced with jealousy and annoyance- not towards you, of course- never towards you. he'd never spoken to you that way before but, god, do you like it.

you watch as his fingers graze yours softly, his eyes only ever leaving yours when he closes them, revelling in the warmth your hand brings his cold, freezing body.

"i... " you feel his knee grazing your thigh as you try to spit something out.

"you can say it. no matter how vile and vulgar your thoughts may be... i want you to say it," after reassuring you, he asks once more, "what else do you like about my nose, (name)?"

a soft gasp leaves your lips as you feel his knee push further up your dress, "say it," he whispers, his lips now grazing your ear as his hand reaches for the back of your neck.

"i love how easy it looks to ride, zayne, fuck-" your words get muffled as zayne kisses you intensely. the feeling has you dizzy as the farthest you've gotten were the pecks initiated by you earlier that day and the ones he initiated just a few minutes ago.

his other hand grips your waist tightly as he presses himself into you further, his hands now the only thing keeping you from falling back onto the table. with the way he handled you, it was like he couldn't get enough. your very scent allured him.

"is this okay?" his lips withdraw yours as he begins leaves pecks on your cheek and neck as he awaited your response.

a nod and hum left you as you stared at the windows, looking at the reflection and taking pleasure in the way he kissed your body. but he stops.

as you were about to turn to him and ask what was wrong, a strict stare was all it took. his brownish-green eyes pierced into yours in the reflection of the glass. his eyebrows raised as he waited for something from you. he wanted words. he needed to hear, through proper verbal communication, that you wanted this.

"yeah..." you sound almost breathless facing him, "yeah, i wanna do this."

a small smile reaches his lips before he kisses you again. more deeply, more lovingly. he was relishing in your very being. the girl who he'd pined for was finally his after fifteen long years.

the hand gripping your hip would soon spread around your waist as the other rested on the fabric covering your thigh—a fabric that he would push up in annoyance as he needed to feel you bare.

his thumb would involuntarily twitch, grazing and pushing at your cunt as he squeezed and rubbed the plush of your inner thigh, the cold pressure being felt through the sheer panties you wore had you shivering.

"zayne.." your impatience was getting the best of you and zayne could see it. he chuckles as he bunches your silky sundress up at your waist and hooks his long pointer and index fingers around the last piece of fabric that bars you from him- teasing him with the dampness that left it looking a deeper colour than usual.

before he can ask, you give him the confirmation he needs, raising your hips, "take it off... please?"

he obeys, a little too willingly as if his patience was also wearing thin, and a soft 'fuck' leaves his lips as he stares at your dripping cunt, the vulgar word shocks the both of you.

he can only chuckle as he eyes the dress straps that had fallen off your shoulder, "the things you do to me." ever so slowly, his cold hands push the straps further down, pulling your arms from out of it. your breasts were now on display for him as the dress slid down, grazing your sensitive nipples in the process and stopping at your diaphragm.

you look away, gnawing on your lip. it set a weird feeling in your stomach knowing he was fully dressed in his doctorly attire while you were bare, exposed for him to see- for him to examine. you feel his hand rest back on your cunt, the other hand grasping your chin to look at him. he wasn't overly rough but the hold was quite strong and decisive. every breath and movement from zayne exuded dominance.

"don't hide from me, pretty girl, you know better than that." the pet name has you shuddering, paired with the fact that he began to gently prod at your entrance with his index finger before allowing you to suck him in completely, his thumb softly touching your clit occasionally as he inspects you.

his lips find yours once more, his tongue prodding your mouth and you can't help but whine at the feeling as he slowly introduces another finger. with every touch from him, you feel your breath leaving and your hands gripping harshly at the edges of the tables, almost piercing your skin.

zayne eventually touches something. something that leaves you even wetter than before. his fingers prodded and rubbed at you- at that spongy spot in your cunt that's been begging to be touched by him for a while.

"oh, wait- fuck!" you break the kiss as an involuntary hiccup leaves you. zayne grunts in annoyance, pushing lips back onto yours in an instant- his fingers increasing in momentum as he targets that pleasurable spot.

you find yourself sliding off the edge of the table as your body trembles with every thrust. despite still gripping the table, you almost collapse onto your knees if not for the man in front of you catching you. all while holding you, zayne doesn't let up- the squelching sounds your wet entrance makes flood the room, fueling him to keep going. he was so hell-bent on making you cum one way or another.

"c'mon, be a good girl for me. do this one thing for me 'n i'll let you ride my face. c'mon pretty girl." you couldn't see his eyes anymore. his fringes covered them as he looked down at your cunt, taking in the lewd noises that followed with every thrust of his finger and the clear, wet mess that started to drip down your thighs.

you can't help but nod, "anyth-ing for you." the abuse on your cunt and the way his mouth kisses at your nipples and sternum were taking your breath away. he was touching at all the right spots at all the right times.

your head throws itself back as the increasing pressure builds up in your stomach and you can't help but hold his wrist in an attempt to try and push him off of you. zayne, still, is relentless in his actions but he does raise his head to read your expressions and listen to your mumbled, repetitive 'yes's affirming him of how badly you want it.

"gonna cum. gonna cum, please lemme cum." you repeat over and over again as your nails dig crescent moon shapes into your lover's lower arm.

zayne chuckles, his fingers continuing at the same pace, never ceasing, "you can come whenever you want to, lovely. your hand is what's pushing me away."

your eyes shut tightly as the orgasmic feeling washes over you, basking in the complete and utter loss of the control you have over your body. you feel your eyes roll into into the back of your head behind your lids and your mouth parts as broken, whiny moans leave your lips. your lover smiles as he feels your walls spasm, clamping around his fingers repeatedly, harmonious with the way your thighs shiver.

you come down from your high rather slowly and zayne lifts you up, helping you move closer to the couch while you try to get your eyes to focus and attempt to beat the fatigue washing over you.

"you said you wanted to ride me, hmm?" zayne hums, itching in anticipation unbeknownst to you. you nod a bit nervously as you try to catch your breath, watching as he sits down and brings you to him by your waist, bunching your dress at your hips in the process. your cunt was almost lined up with his mouth.

"zayne, wait. i think i'm still s-ensitive," you say between gasps as you feel his breath fanning out onto your clit.

a hum leaves his lips and he looks at his watch briefly, "i don't think we have that much time, my love. it'll feel good, i promise. but if you want, we can wait until later tonight?" he kisses your thigh. there was no way in hell you were going to 'wait until later tonight.' the ache in your cunt from the anticipation would be too much for you to handle.

"hmm, it's okay..." you shake your head as you whisper tiredly, the post-orgasm drowsiness hitting you hard. he smiles as he lays down, taking you by the hand and leading your body closer to his face. his hands reach up towards his glasses. daintily holding them by the frame, he slips them off his face to place them on the glass table to the side of you.

the sight makes you pout and zayne, being zayne, catches it.

"what? do you also like my glasses too?" he smirks, bringing your hips to lay on him. you nod as you hesitantly let yourself be guided onto his chest.

"and when you get too rough and you break them, what then?" he questions, sass lacing his tone while his eyes focus on your cunt, watching it drip all your cum all over his shirt. the fact that he said 'when' and not 'if' had your body twitching. still, annoyance riddles your body and you roll your eyes. he's always ten steps ahead of you.

“ugh.. you’re so…” you’re at a loss for words and zayne can’t help but smile at your reaction.

he grips your hips roughly pulling you up to his face, "hmm...that's enough banter for now. don't be shy. 'm gonna ease you into it. and yes...i'll be fine, i promise."

with the constant reassurance, you build up enough courage to sit on him and almost immediately does his tongue find your clit, occasionally tracing around your labia and prodding your entrance.

"ha— zayne. wait!" a high-pitched strangled moan leaves your lips and the man grunts under you as your body lifts itself off of him in shock. zayne feels his eyes almost roll into the back of his head as he briefly catches a glimpse of how your pretty, puffy cunt pulsates around absolutely nothing. as he comes to his senses, his arms quickly lock around your legs, bringing you back down and keeping you in your rightful place— on top of him.

your moans get louder and louder and soon enough zayne finds himself humming satisfyingly into you, sending vibrations all throughout. to hear your cries of pleasure just from this, alone? while you tasted so good? zayne was in his own icy wonderland.

"waited years for this pussy and it's finally mine." he mumbles deliriously, and you nod, "all your— hmpf, fuck, all yours." he was fucking insatiable, arms tightening around your thighs as he forced you to press further down onto him. tears start to well in your eyes.

at this rate, zayne's cock was harder than ever before and you, yourself, notice that as you lean back, palm accidentally pressing down onto his erection, touching on the bounds of both pain and pleasure for him. a soft moan leaves him as he takes his mouth off of you for a moment, thick cock throbbing with want.

"wait," he says between shallow gasps for air, "not yet. i just want to focus on you right now... can you let me do that?" you nod and he slaps your thigh, which quickly has your spurting out multiple 'yes's in an apologetic tone.

you feel your body lifting to which you whine, tears falling in thick globs as you unconsciously hump the air for some needed friction, your pussy once again clamping around nothing, as you assume some sort of punishment was about to begin.

zayne watches you amusingly. it was quite a pathetic sight- one he loved, don't get him wrong but the thoughts that flowed into his mind weren't nice— slapping your ass, pinching your thigh or edging you every time you forgot to properly address him, tears falling down your face as you apologize and pout, begging to be fucked. god, he could feel his cock twitch in his pants.

it was the first official day of dating, though, so he wanted to cut you some slack and slowly ease you into things.

he finally puts you back down- noticeably, a bit further up his face. his arms lock you back in place, preparing himself in case you decide to run away from him again.

if anything, he'll ease you into things by forcing you to fuck yourself one orgasm into the other on his face.

"ride my face. fuck yourself using my nose." those words have your cunt spasming as you don't hesitate to listen to him.

your body jerks slowly as you ground down on him, his tall nose repeatedly tapping and prodding at your clit. zayne doesn't hesitate to continue his past ministrations, his tongue flat against you, sliding across your folds with every thrust from you.

"z-zayne. fuck." you moan as you grip the couch's arm for dear life, your body unconsciously speeding up as you look at the boy beneath you sitting so still and pretty for you with his eye half-lidded as his mouth softly parted. and, of course, the stimulation from his nose was just not helping.

zayne was drenched, soaked with your juices and he wouldn't let up. air lessened with each breath for him but he didn't care. in fact, he pushed his head further up into you. he loved it. he loved drowning in you.

"would love to have you sit on my face more often," he murmurs to himself as he feels your fingers entangle themselves in his hair, thighs locking and trembling around his head from the vibrations. zayne pushes his head up into your cunt even further, the hump on his hose throwing you for a loop.

"zayne. zay—fuck, fuck. oh, god!" you just couldn't get his name out of your mouth. it's as if he was currently conditioning you to focus on him— to know only him in this moment. he smiles, "it's alright, you can cum, baby. no one's stopping you. get off on my nose and mouth, baby. that's it." the sounds his face created with your pussy were oh, so lewd. it filled the entire room as your physician acted like you were a cup of fresh water waiting for him after he stayed in the sahara for a little too long.

soft whimpers leave your lips as you feel yourself sobbing. the pressure building up was too intense.

"come on, give it to me." the man under you grunts as he feels his dick twitch incessantly. no matter how badly he wanted to, zayne just couldn't resist palming himself. his tongue continues to fuck you sloppily, relishing in the act as he lapped up the savoury, dripping cum from you and spit from him like a dog. all while he played with your nipples, either groping, slightly grazing, or circling them. you name it.

you feel your legs thrash as a loud moan rips from your throat before you even realize what's coming. your body can't stop shaking and all you see is white yet zayne doesn't stop eating you out, his lips now encircling your clit and as he grips your legs even stronger, forcing you to relish in the harsh suction and vibrations as he moans along with you from the sight of you before him.

you squirt all over him, short bursts leaving your cunt to shower the man under you. the shock and embarrassment don't even last long as a gasp in pleasure leaves you- zayne was still on you, eyes closed as he lapped up every last drop you had offered him. he realized you came, his dick leaking pre-cum and twitching from the fact, but never truly processed it, fucking you through your orgasm and into the next one while not taking into account your sensitivity. you had no time to catch your breath.

"h—hey. wait... zayne!" you squirm. he hums unconsciously as he digs himself further into your cunt, overstimulating you with the flicks of his tongue. it's as if he can't stop. it's as if can't hear you. or maybe he just doesn't want to hear you.

"no more! hmphf— shit!" you repeatedly tap his shoulder as you continue to shake, your hips unconsciously still grinding into his face while your upper body rocks with sensitivity, nipples harder than ever and goosebumps riddling your skin. your thighs were practically squeezing his head now.

"one more for me baby, one more. please. just one more for me." zayne murmurs as he gasps for air. he looks as if he's lost his mind. his hair is dishevelled, with some parts of his fringes sticking up while the rest just barely covers his eyes. he really looks like a pervert that came straight out of a hentai in the moment. it was quite a sight.

the longer you stare, the more he looks blurry- your vision was becoming obscured, your senses simultaneously heightening as a result while the pressure in your tummy begins to build once more.

"hng— zayne, 'm gonna cum!" you sob, voice booming throughout the entire office as you feel yourself twitch, overstimulation ravaging your body. zayne's nails dig further into your hips, breaking skin, and the sharp pain allows you to finally let go. your back arches as your orgasm engulfs you, cum squirting out of you in bursts smaller yet more powerful than earlier.

"oh fuck—" a low, cracked whine leaves your boyfriend, his neck arching as he struggles to contain himself from quivering. his body shudders as he gently kisses your cunt and thighs. a fucked out look paints his face as he tries to catch his breath, his hand softly rubbing your waist in an attempt to calm you— and himself— down as he feels unusually lightheaded.

silence follows for a bit as you come down from your high and push yourself off of your lover's face who seemed very quiet—and not the usual quiet. there was something different about the air. hesitantly, you sit on his chest.

"zayne," you whisper nervously, "are you okay?"

zayne clears his throat, blinking harshly at the ceiling with his chest still heaving as his ears and cheeks are dusted red- his pretty mouth red, swollen and glistening with you. he swallows, avoiding eye contact with you as he tries to collect himself. you've never seen him like this... so shy, so embarrassed.

the silence that follows as your question goes unanswered causes anxiety to riddle through you, "did i do something wron-" "no," he interrupts not wanting to upset you in any way, "just... a minor miscalculation."

feeling relaxed, you push yourself down further onto his waist in an attempt to lay on top of him, "a minor miscalculation? what-"

oh.

you're shocked... and flattered as you feel a deeply soaked wet spot on his pants.

"i was too distracted and forgot about resisting my orgasm," he murmurs, not making eye contact. you smile, "hmm, i can tell. but don't be embarrassed, zayne. i find it a little hot... well, very hot." you chuckle. the reassurance was nice but, truth be told, he wanted his first load with you to be inside your glistening cunt, with you begging and pleading with him to give it to you, just like in his dreams.

one side of his lip curls up slightly, "i still can't believe i orgasmed untouched. though, this is my first time so i suppose it's not unusual."

just as you're about to lay on his chest, your body jerks upwards, "wait, what? you're a virgin, too? how'd you even know to do all th-"

"human anatomy," he interrupts, "being a surgeon, your physician and your boyfriend- it's quite necessary. and though i don't watch, a common assumption would be pornography."

embarrassment riddles your face and you mentally berate yourself for asking a stupid question as he kisses you, "... and i may have read some forums." his tone was soft and wispy, almost slipping past your ears. curiosity runs through you as you look up past his head at the computer. oh, that search history needed to be investigated.

"don't even think about it. i have a computer for work and another for personal use." he rolls his eyes.

gently, he lifts you from his waist and places you onto the couch just as he rises from it. he begins unbuttoning the cuffs of his dress shirt, wiping your cum residue from off his face onto the sleeves, "relax a bit. you need to come down from your high. we shouldn't miss the reservation if we leave in a minute... or three."

"wait, what about your work?"

zayne stops untying his tie to look at you. his head tilts and his eyebrow raises in the most comical way possible as if to say 'you can't be serious right now.'

"okay, fair. and.. your clothes? do you have an extra pair?" the moment you close your mouth you see zayne open a large closet filled with various button-ups and dress pants for varying occasions. as you take a closer look, you notice that they're organized by gradient and paired. not a single piece of clothing was out of place.

it was your turn to give him 'the look' as you scanned the closet before pointing at a paired outfit, a black turtleneck with matching dress pants. looking in that direction, zayne nods, taking the clothes from out the storage unit and undressing himself.

you feel your cheeks warm as you catch a glimpse of his bare back. you have yet to see him undressed and, to be honest, you don't want it to be now considering the two of you had plans after dinner. the sooner you fix your clothes the faster that time will arrive so that's what you do.

looking away, you notice something is missing- your panties. you quietly search for your underwear and it's nowhere to be seen. you scan the concrete floor and the velvet couches before directing your attention to the akso employee, only to catch him pushing sheer material into his pocket in silence just as you were about to query the fabric's whereabouts.

the two of you make eye contact once more. his face holds no emotion but he does turn around rather quickly, blush blooming at his ears once again as he looks at his computer before closing it and gathering the rest of his belongings.

note(s)💀. no one can come for me about the dorsal hump cause i found someone that happens to think the same thoughts as me! also i just finished day 2 of the valentine event??? zayne may have a sensitive neck ??? or am i just delusional??? + fav zayne edit if u care😼 also if i forgot something in the warnings plz dont hesitate to tell me! + i would love constructive crisitism just be nice abeg.

#i need some rum after this #and a nap #love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #zayne x reader #love and deepspace smut #l&ds #love & deepspace #lads #love & deepsace x reader #love and deepspace zayne #l&ds smut #l&ds x reader #l&ds zayne #lads zayne #zayne x mc #zayne smut

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weebsinstash · 2 months

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Random 'extra yandere' Alastor things because I've been working on a fic and I feel like my yandere aren't yandere'ing enough

- I haven't seen anyone mention this as an idea but like ... why do I see Alastor getting cuteness aggression from his darling? You're really happy and you like idk say something genuine or goofy or happy or you stim or something and he's here "oh, i could just eat you up!" and hugging you so hard it makes you wheeze for air. Would he ever bite you though? Or gently "roughhouse" you? He's kinda feral w it so 😳

- Alastor strikes me as a yandere who would dry your tears with one of his handkerchiefs and then some time later you find out he didn't wash it because it had You Juice on it

- I'm not saying he's hiding in the bushes with a Polaroid or anything but I feel like he'd constantly invite you along to parties or events he's going to where he knows pictures might be taken and he has an absolutely HUGE album of you. He prefers sepia and black and white photographs the most of course, but he'll accept the occasional social media print-out that he may or may not have forced someone else to acquire for him

- this is so lowkey funny but the idea has been growing on me of like. Alastor forcing literally fucking forcing Husker to help him with his obsessive bullshit because Husker has a cellphone. Alastor sees Husker thirstscrolling through Angel's social media, and suddenly the Radio Demon has an idea. "You wouldn't happen to be able to look up my, er, little friend would you?"

Imagine you're like out running errands or even st a club or, somewhere NOT the Hotel and you're suddenly getting a call from... Husker? How weird, he doesn't call you often and you only have his number as another Hotel-goer, so hopefully nothing is wrong? And you answer the phone to Alastor talking far too loudly into the receiver, "HELLO? HELLO, IS THIS BLASTED THING WORKING? I DONT WANT TO BRING IT TOO CLOSE TO MY FACE BECAUSE OF THE RADIATION AND ALL, HAVE YOU PICKED UP YET MY DEAR? HUSKER MY BOY YOU SAID THIS DEVICE WAS WORKING-" like literally actually, this grown ass man who is forcing this other grown ass man who i think age wise is also older than him to do shit like, "what's that photograph in their publications there? Select it. Why is that man standing so close to them? What does HIS 'page' look like? He seems like a rather unsavory fellow who shouldn't be around someone as sweet as-"

- i feel like Alastor has a lot of threatening power purely in his social connections and his own little net of information. Imagine sneaking away from him to go to a speakeasy or something and the bartender already has your photo and knows to keep an eye on you and give Alastor a call if you show up. Imagine going to a jazz club Alastor had taken you to and everyone is nice and friendly and maybe a little TOO friendly because they heard an entirely true rumor about a man who got torn to pieces for asking aloud "so who's that sweet piece over there?" referring to you while Alastor was within earshot

- I dunno if I've mentioned this before but. I like the idea of him meeting his red string soulmate and he's just immediately "well I suppose the proper thing to do is get married then!" Like the man considers it "the traditional way to do things" and just immediately decides that since you two are essentially eternally bound together already, OBVIOUSLY the next step is to be married! I'm talking week one you meet this man and he's insisting the two of you immediately find a living place to share together. Like he might not even be "full yandere" yet but he starts putting you through the motions and gets progressively more attached with time. Day 1 is exchanging names and pleasantries. By Day 4 or 5 he insisting you two sleep in the same house, and eventually, the same bed (partially because he may or may not. Miss you when you're gone)

- imagine a yandere Alastor who is so unwilling to part with you that if he needs to go torture someone or do something unpleasant, he'll just... bring you along. Leaves you nice and cozy in a nice chair with a hot cocoa as he excuses himself to the next room followed by UNIMAGINABLE SCREAMS OF SUFFERING before he returns dripping with blood, "Boy, that one was a GUSHER!" *proceeds to kiss your forehead and drip blood on you and does not care*

- ok so I haven't posted this yet but. Imagine if instead of "patching themselves back together" that when you die in Hell you just respawn in a new body and the old one is still left behind, and you get into a random accident and die and you find out Alastor has been keeping pieces of your body and he's been. Eating you. Drooling heart pupils level of down bad, gorging on your meat, bare handing raw dogging that shit, having your blood seeping between his teeth and fingers. Imagine going into his room and there's a fridge and you open the door and you can tell it's your body because there's just like a whole ass leg that has your tattoo or an old scar. How do you even have that fucking conversation.

You go to shut the fridge and decide you're going to pretend you never saw anything because now you know Oh My God He's Like Actually Genuinely Fucking Nuts and he's already behind you when you turn around😱 and he acts like nothing is wrong. May even joke about how good you taste. Tells a joke about how it would be rather unfortunate if you got hit by a car again, but, hey, maybe you should give him a call whenever more of your meat is available-

- I wanna make a fic out of it because I literally have the fic outlined in my head already but, you know how he's eating just a normal fucking deer in that one episode. Or, if it's not an Earth deer, it doesn't look like it's from Hell at all. I started thinking about what if certain demons know shortcuts or special tricks to still access the human world (if blitz can get a crystal, why not anyone else?) and I love the idea of a Farmer Reader who has wolves eating their livestock and you stake out in the woods in the dead of night and you find out the wolves are only eating your sheep because something has been eating all the deer, and you witness the Radio Demon with your own eyes, horrified at this horned humanoid creature that bends and snaps at angles that just aren't right, with you managing to snipe him right through the head, and he just laughs and praises you for your great shot, and he keeps repeatedly ahowing up on your farm, and he unintentionally or not causes your death and wants you to be with him in Hell. Like you're a good person but you've also done shit where he knows you're gonna go to Hell so he's doing some dramatic shit like cradling your dying body and being all :) eerily happy and jovial as he muses what you might look like "in that awful place down below"

- Hmmmm. Alastor allegedly isn't very materialistic but I like the idea of like. Once he decides how cute and sweet and adorable his darling is, he wants to get you only the best. It won't be, like, EXCESSIVE in the sense Vox could be, but, if he gets you gifts, they're always of a certain level of quality. If he begins to style and dress you, he wants you in high quality fabrics that will last and don't have any unsavory materials or harsh colorants in it. I may or may not like the idea of him taking you to a tailor and he gets you an outfit to match his very own and if anyone ever gets a speck of dirt on it or anything else he's gotten you to wear, they're getting absolutely fucking MOLLYWOPPED

#yandere hazbin hotel #yandere alastor x reader #alastor x reader #yandere x reader #yandere stuff #hh #sinprompts

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darry-queen · 19 days

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How much Darry and Soda would make modern day and if it would be enough to pay for at least the three of them: (note this may not be incredibly accurate and while yes I did do research while calculating this shit it wasn't super in depth! feel free to correct me on any and all mistakes you notice and feel free to also give your own opinions!! Much love!)

Starting with Darry's:

Before I get into number this is all assuming that Darry works exclusively the hours allotted to him while missing no work, he'd have a 5 day work week at 40 hours which is standard practice in the United States, except for his part time job which he'd be working 25/h a week (i talk about this more later just continue reading) also I'm not giving them any kind of insurance. Sorry! Lol!

Starting salary of a roofer in Oklahoma is $14/h with the average being around $15/h. Assuming this Darry will be getting around 30k a year. I'm going to be generous and say he works for a good company and has a strong union so I'll give him a end of year bonus as well ($200-$800)

His weekly pay would be around $550-$600

This would be taxed though! Using a taxing calculator (bc I'm not doing all that math babeee) He'd be payed around $500 a week.

Darry also canonically has a second job! Though it is never really talked about, not even mentioned whether it's part or full time. I'm just going to assume, generally, that it is probably a part time job that pays minimum wage. (I'm aware that there are many popular hc's as to what this job is I'm ignoring those lol) now I don't live in Oklahoma but I do have personal experience with working part time and it fucking sucks. They have you working only slightly less then a full time employee so they do not have to give you full benefits. It is an incredibly fucked up and exploitative practice.

Something to note is that Oklahoma allows part time employees to be payed half minimum wage the first 90 days of employment when under the age of 20. I do not think I will include this in the calculation because even though Darry would be 19 at the time of his parents death I think he would be 20 not long after and I do not care enough to look into this law to include it in my calculations! Just wanted to mention it because?? What the fuck Oklahoma?

Anyway, part time would have Darry working 25 hours a week for $7.25/h which would be around $180/week. After taxes he'd make $160/week getting him to $660 a week.

Finally, what everyone was waiting for.... doordash fucking driving baby. Considering he lives in a populated area I am going to be generous and say he manages to get around $20/h from doordash driving. Assuming he does this on the days he doesn't work part time (so the other 15 hours) he'd make a whopping 16k extra a year OMG!!

As for any money he'd earn from the state for guardianship of Pony and Soda: Idk! It's kind of confusing trying to figure out Oklahoma giving shit out for this because fostering and guardianship are two dif things and I'm almost certain Darry would have Guardianship over his siblings, not fostering them. So I'm just not including it: he may have received a check upon first becoming their guardian but since that is a one time thing I'm not going to include it in my final calculations (i know this is kinda contradictory for giving Darry a bonus for his roofing work but IDC IDC IDC IDC I AM NOT PUTTING THAT MUCH EFFORT INTO THIS (NOTE I FILLED OUT A MOCK W2 FORM TO GET A ROUGH ESTIMATE OF WHAT DARRY'S TAX RETURN WOULD BE BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CARE))

All of the above considered: Darry is making $960 a week. Wow!

Now for Sodapop!

Soda I'm just going to copy paste what Darry's theoretical part time job would be because it's almost time for me to go to bed and I couldn't find any special rules for 16< year olds, so he'd be working 25 hours for $7.25 which after taxes is again $160

In total him an Darry combined are making a good healthy $1120 a week on average. Probably more if you consider Darry going insane with doordash/overtime! Overall a good $4480 a month

GREAT NOW TIME FOR EXPENSES!!

Expenses Include:

Mortgage payments

power bill

water bill

natural gas

car payments (maybe)

car insurance (maybe)

fuel

food

phone payments

internet bill

probably more I can't remember off the top of my head

OKAY NOW explaining the maybe's rq

You can just, not pay for car insurance. It's illegal, but when you're poor it's not like you can really care about the legality of certain things. Sometimes, it's eating vs car insurance, y'know? Especially because Darry is only 20, that shit is going to be expensive. And the car was def under his dad's name previously so he also def doesn't have any history. I'mma be generous though and say that he does have CREDIT history, which following my own car insurance premiums: my man is going to be paying like, $400 a month. and trust me, I'm being generous here. This is also for liability only. crazy right? With that considered, if I can not get Darry's salary to work with the rest of his expenses I'm saying he's driving without insurance. Hope you understand.

Now for the car itself, it might be payed off already might not. Again it's almost time for me to go to bed so I"m not willing to double check the book to see if car payments are ever mentioned. If they are I'll come back and fix this another time but for now. I'm not including it.

As for the gas for this theoretical truck? I'm going to put it from $250-$300 a month based off of what Reddit car owners said on how often they have to get gas for their own trucks. Great!

OKAY NOW FOR THE REAL EXPENSES! The average cost of utilities in Oklahoma, Tulsa specifically, is $270 a month for electricity, like $130 a month for natural gas, and for water $100 a month. Now you're probably saying, "Paya, isn't that a little high?" to which I'd say, they have 4 (presumably more) other boys coming around almost everyday. SO I feel it's fine to rate that shit on the higher side of things.

Before I forget: the mortgage payments!

This one is kinda fucked! I have no idea when the Curtis parents bought the house in canon. If it was after, or before Darry was born, etc. Because of this you can kinda just make hc's for this. The reason I say this is because obviously the housing market now is VERY different from the one in the 40s-60s which is when they'd have had to buy the house in cannon. In fact, I'm not even entirely sure they own the house in canon I'm just assuming right now! Like, if you're making a modern au: feel free to say that they're renting! Like who really cares about it? I'll even calculate it here for you so you have a frame of reference: Assuming the house is at least 2 bedrooms 1 bathroom it's gonna be around 1.5k a month. If you want to say they're paying a mortgage though, I'm going to assume based off the little data I could find of average home cost in 2004 (I'm assuming the house was bought around the time of Darry's birth) we're looking at somewhere between 150k-250k. I'm going to low ball it though because I think Oklahoma housing prices are generally cheaper and I'm going to assume they'd go for something affordable over something large. So I'll say 175k! Average interest on a home loan in 2004 was around 6%, with a 20% downpayment Darry will be paying 1k a month for the mortgage. Not that bad!

Phone bill is p cheap around 100$ feel like you may be able to play around with this. Like maybe they're paying for Johnny? Who knows not me I want to go to bed!

Food is like so fucking expensive now tbh. I pay $300 a month on grocery shopping a month for my household. Assuming Darry is purchasing food for himself, his brothers, and a little extra for the gang I'm going to put his grocery bill at around $500 a month. I think I'm lowkey low balling it, but I think he'd be a good bargain shopper. Btw, don't ask if he qualifies for food stamps! Because he doesn't!

internet bill is significantly cheaper going to be around $50 a month, as for services like live streaming and other things, we're gonna say it's all pirated. no one is paying for that shit when you can get it online for free! (Personal hc: Steve is a fucking amazing pirate and can get you literally anything you ask for.)

Final cost of living for my boys, not including school supplies, school/extra curriculars/or clothing: $2400 - $3350

Ending conclusion: If Darry works 80+ hours a week and Soda helps out with his part-time job they have more then enough to pay for almost all living expenses. Tell me where I fucked up! Thanks. Btw according to the shittily done w2 I did for Darry he'd get almost 2k in tax returns; i most def fucked something up but I'mma accept it despite that.

#the outsiders #darry curtis #sodapop curtis #ponyboy curtis #steve randle #two bit mathews #johnny depp #johnny cade #dallas winston

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yuurei20 · 7 months

Note

hi there!! idk if you've answered this before, but did the 5 student overblots happen over the span of 5 months ? one happening each month ? idk if im misremembering but I was sure that in book 6 that was mentioned, yet I can't find the chapter it's in. im assuming since the twst school year starts in september, riddle was the first, with vil being the last OB before book 6 sometime in january, but im not 100% sure

Hello hello! Thank you for this question!

I am not sure if we can pinpoint that overblots have been happening at a pace of exactly once a month, but as you say in Book 6 we learn from Idia that there have been five overblots "in less than six months," which he says on the same day as he overblots himself!

The Main Story will occasionally drop hints about the timeline: we know that the start of the school year is in September, and Cater mentions mentoring new students in Book 1 (in reference to the prefect, Grim, Ace and Deuce), so it does seem like Book 1 takes place in September!

We also know that the Interdorm Spelldrive Tournament of Book 2 is in October and Book 3 begins with the final exams of the year.

Book 4 begins on the last day of the fall semester and ends with Ace and Deuce wishing the prefect Happy New year, as they are reuniting for the first time post-winter vacation.

The VDC is held in mid-February, and the students are kidnapped by Charon "a few days later!"

An exact, official timeline may not have yet been released anywhere (that I have been able to find), but based on these clues we might be able to guess the following:

September: Riddle Overblot

October: Leona Overblot

November: Azul Overblot

December: Jamil Overblot

February: Vil and Idia Overblot

Malleus is a little more vague! There is a comment from Lilia and the prefect about it being spring at the beginning of Book 7, and we know that the Interscholastic Spelldrive Tournament is in May!

If the tournament has not yet happened, the timing of Malleus' overblot is presumably sometime between mid-to-late-February and May. If it is also still pre-spring-break, perhaps it was sometime in March? But this is all conjecture! :>

#twstask #twisted wonderland

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wordy-little-witch · 2 months

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I am now hip deep in the Edge of Midnight campaign from legends of avantris and lemme tell you some shit -

1) I would lay down my life for Jericho Sticks without any hesitation. Torbek and Jericho are my sons now, no takesies backsies.

2) Lethica and Marius are so perfectly aligned to be end game lovers but I personally adore the idea of them being queerplatonic if only bc it's funny to watch people be confused and I think Lethica would adore that.

3) you can pry the concept of Briggsy having a some kind of magical fantasy cellphone equivalent from my cold dead hands - sending stone or smth idfk - and he's been keeping his buddy/boyfriend Torbek updated on all this like "Becky you would not BELIEVE what happened today-" ((listen I know the flirting bit between them in the yuletide one-shot was a feycurse but leave me alone it's funny as fuck))

4) briggsy @ jericho in ep 24 appropos nothing: Jerry, maybe we have to kiss ((sad, silly twinks with Literal Darksides are his type /j))

5) I have a friend-crush on Nikkie and I will never recover

6) I have an unyielding NEED to have Jericho get a final hit on a boss and yell yeehaw

7) I know stylistically Jericho doesn't have "skin" but I personally hc that his clothes aren't effectively his skin, he has a burlap body - and he has "tattoos" in the form of embroidery. It started when he had to stitch up his own cuts and stuff and he just kept it up.

8) Only Yorgrim has any constant sense of cooking in an actual kitchen-like setting. Farryn, Marius, and Briggsy can do journey or on-the-road cooking, but it's never.... great. Lethica burns everything somehow or gets the bright idea to 'experiment', and it's never good - she's fine if she's got clear end goals. Jericho is understandably skittish around fire due to his body and straw, but he is the closest to being able to cook well and do so semi regularly.

9) Virgil is a weird mix of a hater and lowkey overprotective. He does hate being imprisoned, but also he's kinda bound here so he HAS to keep this disaster of a bard safe. He refuses to admit he might have a soft spot. He is Stressed.

10) Farryn doesn't get the appeal of Girls Nights, but Jericho does!!! They join Lethica for some fun relaxation. Briggsy once asked why Jericho was allowed since he's also a dude, and Lethica just responded "he's allowed to be there - on account of him being a scarecrow and not a literal man after all." It's an inside joke which later has to be explained - Jericho is nonbinary but doesn't rightly care about stuff like that.

11) Yorgrim is the group dad, no I will not explain.

12) sometimes after a battle, Lethica and Marius will help stitch up some of Jericho's tears. Farryn may also add in random flowers she finds around because it makes him happy.

13) Briggsy is small but mighty. The only person he has yet to pick up and carry is Yorgrim - he swears that one day that tombstone will be gone and he'll be able to do it. It's all the rock's fault, he's sure of it.

Spoilers under the cut (caught up to present)

OKAY so I am caught up completely and have decided that Canon is not important leave me alone

• Yorgrim did not die - he got wounded heavily but survived.

• Farryn almost got taken but they got to her in time. She is mute for a time due to injuries and trauma - idk if she ever talks again bc we could use more sign language in the world. Maybe it comes and goes, fuck if I know, idk and idc

ONWARDS TO SILLIES

• Lethica strong armed her way into giving Jericho The Talk after he revealed he had no idea what a penis was. Scarecrows cannot blush, but apparently his fiendish glow can ebb and flow and he glows much MUCH brighter when he's embarrassed - she tries so hard not to laugh.

• Adella and Jericho btw are simply besties. His "crush" on her is a friend crush and Phillip just finds it painfully cute. ((Also -> Jericho has mommy issues and Adella always wanted a son/nephew/little brother. Peaceful alignment))

• Dark Mode Marius is a colossal flirt but still a giant dweeb. He's cool and suave until someone flirts back - then he's a mess.

• Briggsy is very happy with his Kannon & makes "shooting my shot" jokes at every and any opportunity

• Yorgrim, with his reward, manages to finally lay many souls tonrest but he still carries the tombstone on journeys - just not constantly now. He still believes he must pay penance, but it's a little easier to share the burden.

• Farryn, with her own reward, has not chosen to activate it yet. Something tells her to wait, to bide her time and remain. She does, however, get a little more at ease with the others. She and Jericho have come to an understanding, too - that being they they are a package deal, no takesies backsies, and they refer to each other as twin, much to the confusion of many, many, many people. WLW and NBLM solidarity.

• Jericho is pining HARD for Marius, but he's absolutely terrified of damaging the friendship so everyone is watching two oblivious dummies look longingly into each other.

• POLYAMORY POLYAMORY POLYAMORY

• Marius grows rather fond of Virgil, and the sentiment is very much NOT reciprocated bc this angry knight vampire is not good enough for his vessel and he's mad about it.

• Yorgrim: I've only had my friends for a few days, but if anything happened to them, I'd kill everyone in Druskenvald and then myself.

• I fully expect for Jericho to somehow befriend an enemy in disguise, not realize, and accidentally fuck up the evil plan with the powers of puns, music and friendship (/j)

• the first time the party sees Jericho presenting more feminine, he's been lended one of Lethica's dresses after his own clothes got torn up and the rest are being washed. Marius has a nosebleed and faints. Briggsy is staring somewhat respectfully. Lethica is trying valiantly not to laugh. Farryn and Yorgrim regret not dying when they had the chance.

• Marius: i cannot have a relationship because I have sworn to follow the duchess of sin

Lillith: whoa hold up, Do Not use me as an excuse to avoid the cutie pie over there. Besides, he has a demon. I'm queen of hell. I can make a small exception.

Marius: shit

• Briggsy Bi Icon: OH if ONLY Jerry here had a DASHING KNIGHT to SAVE THEM from this PERILOUS INCIDENT

Jericho: captain, I'm just getting off of a horse??

Marius: no no Briggsy has a point, no maiden should be unaccompanied or unassisted. Allow me-

Lethica&Farryn: We Know What You Are

• Yorgrim is watching all this inter party flirting and is definitely wondering if he's gonna have to have an aside with everyone about flirting tactics and communication skills. Briggsy is making it worse by enabling everyone.

• Farryn gets some sweet, succulent healing, that is all.

#can you tell that Jericho is my favorite #legends of avantris #edge of midnight #crie #i love these dumbasses #jericho sticks #marius renathyr #lethica nightborne #farryn of the hartsblight #yorgrim #briggsy kratch #houston help me #the brainrot is brainrotting

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katerina-marie · 5 months

Text

Don't Go Slowly, Tell Me If You're Lonely (Series)

Chapter 1

Gojo Satoru x Reader & (past) Geto Suguru x Reader

Your relationship with Geto Suguru came to an end somewhere between the day of his betrayal and the day of his death. Your relationship with Gojo Satoru began somewhere in the midst of it all, even without you realizing.

WC: 6.2k

Content: Canon Divergence, Gojo x Female Reader (referred to as such but left descriptively vague), (past) Geto Suguru x Female Reader, Geto's canonical death, friends to lovers, angst, eventual happy ending, fluff later, reader is a sorcerer (left vague tho sorry), SFW (may change in later chapters idk), no use of y/n. More notes below.

Chapter Count: Chp 1, Chp 2, Chp 3, Chp 4, Chp 5, Chp 6 (Final)

Notes:

Product of an angsty Suguru Tik Tok. I have roughly five or so more chapters thought out for this, but that is subject to change as none of it is written yet. Canon events are loosely followed from Hidden Inventory and JJK0, but future events (Shibuya/Kenjaku) will not happen.

I've taken liberties with JJK canon/timeline for this fic. While not explicitly mentioned in the story, reader, Gojo, and Geto are all 20/21 with Nanami and Haibara being a year younger when the hidden inventory arc starts. There would only be 5ish years between HI and JJK0, and then another year or two between JJK0 and present day JJK where Megumi, Yuji, and Nobara are at the school (their ages stay the same and I’m sorry cause I know that wouldn’t fit with the changed timeline, but they will most likely only ever be mentioned through conversation in this story).

------------------------------------------

Chapter 1: Don't Go Slowly, Tell Me If You're Lonely (For the Sake of Understanding)

September

“Suguru?”

The dial tone was constant and unyielding, just as it was with the previous four phone calls.

Unanswered. Ignored. Avoided. Did it happen gradually, the pulling away of a boy who sat nestled in every major part of yourself? You could recall your last conversation, only a few days prior, and it was stilted in a way they hadn’t ever been before.

“Suguru?”

His reply was delayed, as if the distance that separated the two of you actually affected how quickly your words reached him. There were currently hundreds, maybe thousands of miles in between each of your current locations on Earth—missions and curses…they never gave consideration to lovers or their quarrels—and for the first time, the distance felt detrimental and significant.

“Hm, yes?”

“I said, ‘I love you,’ and hopefully I’ll be home in three or four days. We’ll spend that evening together, yeah?”

In the silence, all you could think was ‘he’s slipping, he’s slipping, he’s sl — ,’

“Sure, I’ll see you then.”

Had his voice always been so tired and hollow? Had he always felt so distant and uninterested in the words coming out of your mouth? You were used to his rapt attention and soft affirmations in your conversations, always letting you know that he was focused on you. So when, in the last year, had Suguru become a shell of himself? You should have known, and your conscious would tell you that your level of intimacy (‘girlfriend’ felt like such a lackluster term for what you were to him, but your relationship hadn’t progressed further yet to earn you any other title) demanded you be aware of the moment things began to crack and crumble. All you knew was this: that there was the murder of a girl with a purpose that had been determined years prior—whose fate had changed under his watch—along with the brief but insurmountable amount of time that Suguru believed his best friend was also dead.

Gojo Satoru. A close friend he was to you, once maybe out of obligation to your partner in the beginning, but there had been enough time to have built a friendship of your own over the years. Surely, now that you took a second to consider the situation, he would know what to do.

“Satoru,” you mumbled, “I should call, Satoru.”

And yet, the dial tone remained unrelenting. The A/C unit of your hotel room hummed under the bottom edge of smoke-beige curtains, and the muffled slam of a door down the hall caused you to jump from your seat on the edge of the bed. The phone remained tightly clasped in your hand and it pushed just hard enough against your ear that pain began to erupt from where the post of an earring dug into your skin.

“Suguru?”

——————————————

Your phone rang an hour after leaving the hotel room to begin your journey home. It was in the middle of a foreign airport, your clothes were sticking to your skin after the rushed shuffling through security, and Shoko had just told you that Geto Suguru was currently wanted for the murder of 112 people and his subsequent defection from jujutsu society.

“Is he…does anyone know where he is?” The question slipped out quietly as you dropped into a black leather seat and dragged your suitcase in front of you so you could lean your elbows on it. You took a quick glance up at a screen and tried to decide if “Gate 7” was truly flashing in the top right corner or if it were the building tears in your eyes that were starting to blur the number into a different shape entirely.

“No, he hasn’t been located, and he’s not responding to our phone calls either. Not even Gojo’s. Have you—,”

“No.” You let out a wet laugh and the man in the seat next to you cast a long sideways look in your direction before getting up and moving a couple seats away. Did you look so distraught that the idea of possibly spending hours on a plane next to you was so unappealing? Another stare from a woman in the seat across from you and the tear-drop shaped spots appearing on your pants convinced you that you were better off not knowing.

“I’m so sorry,” Shoko began, and for the first time, her voice brought none of the comfort and healing it usually did. “We debated telling you and waiting until you touched down back home, but Gojo figured you’d…”

Shoko trailed off without any other indication of what considerations for your feelings were taken into account during their discussion, and all that you could respond with was a shake of your head and a hushed “no, no.” You couldn’t decide if you were grateful to know immediately of what had transpired instead of being surprised with the news upon arrival home, or if you were appalled at their thought that sitting trapped in a plane with hours to despair at the unbelievability of it all was the better suited alternative.

A flurry of sudden motion and shuffling around you jolted you back into awareness, and you realized with a sudden panic that your plane was beginning to board. Your only connection to what was going on was about to be severed. You stood with the others and began the slow march to line up at the terminal.

“Shoko, I’m about to board my plane but please—,” A sob cut you off, and you knew that you were further from finishing that sentence than you were from the one person you yearned to be beside at that moment. A heavy ache settled in your stomach at the thought. Suddenly, there was a realization that some great reconciliation was to be made in regard to who Suguru was to you before this point and what he would be now and going forth. In no possible scenario did you see yourself emerging totally unscathed.

Shoko was silent for a moment before offering some reassurance you didn’t really hear and then muttered a quick goodbye. Between that minute and the next, you had boarded the plane, stowed away your suitcase, found a seat next to the window, and picked a spot in the sky to stare at lest the environment around you remind you of how trapped you were.

“Suguru?”

——————————————

“Suguru!”

Screaming your boyfriend’s name from across a crowded street wasn’t what you had envisioned when you thought of your return home, even after the news had broken. But time hadn’t let you attempt to catch up before it decided that the person you treasured most in the world was to continue unraveling on a schedule you had no hope of following.

You had barely taken your first steps out of the airport onto paved sidewalks when your phone rang again. The ringtone could only play its first few chimes before you had it up to your ear with a breathless reply already on its way out.

“I found him.”

Shoko sounded neither relieved nor any more worried than she had when the two of you had spoken hours earlier, but you didn’t have a chance to question her further before she set your whole being on edge.

“Suguru confirmed the reports, and I’ve called Satoru already.”

For a split second, dread filled your limbs and you stumbled in your step that took you from a standstill to a sprint. Why did the thought of Satoru confronting your boyfriend offer anything other than utter relief?

“Where are you? Shoko, please tell me where you are, and I’ll be right there!”

‘Right there’ had you struggling against the hold Shoko had on your shoulders as you watched from a distance as Suguru and Satoru stood opposite each other. People weaved in and around the two, unaware of the danger, the devastation, of the complete dismantling that was occurring just beside them.

“Suguru! Suguru, Suguru, Suguru!” Your screaming seemed to have no effect on him, and you would have lied and told yourself that he just couldn’t hear you, but the disdainful stares of the oblivious people all around kept you from denial.

Suguru remained placid as he stood and took the brunt of both yours and Satoru's desperate calls to bring him back. He looked so much like the boy you had fallen in love with, but then again not at all the same. His hair was different. Half of it laid unbound against his neck, though the piece that framed the left side of his face still hid the corner of his eye. You stared at him, and you weren’t sure if you were trying to commit every inch of him to your memory or simply beseeching him to spare just a glance in your direction. Had his cheeks always been so gaunt? Did the delicate skin under his eyes always bruise purple like they were now? What else had been missed in the last year that could be counted and added to this moment?

Before you could damn yourself further for missing the signs of Suguru’s slow deterioration, the raising of Satoru’s arm had your whole existence narrowing until it was just the two of them in frame. The sound of your heartbeat thudding in your ears faded. The warm feeling of panic that had started in your chest, radiated down your arms, and made your fingers feel numb blended in with the shuddering of Shoko’s chest against your back. All the background noise—the clack of dress shoes on concrete, the whir of car engines flying by that also shuttered the view in front of you, to the incessant wailing of your boyfriend’s name—suddenly ceased as two of Gojo Satoru’s fingers began to close in on one another.

“Satoru!”

One day, Gojo Satoru would be brave enough to remember what it felt like to hear you lament his name. He could recall fondly and effortlessly how his name and the one of his best friend could slip so seamlessly, interchangeably, from your lips. But now, when he swore you were moving your mouth though nothing else but his name came out, it would haunt him in his dreams, his memories, and everything in between.

“Satoru!” Urging, demanding, and shrill.

Do it, do it, do it.

“Satoru!” Pleading, shrieking, and broken.

Please, don’t do it. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it.

Satoru’s fingers remained a hairsbreadth apart, and Suguru’s back turned as he walked away with nothing more than an unaffected wave over his shoulder. Shoko still trembled, Satoru’s face crumpled, and your heart and mind had broken into pieces that scattered far beyond your reach.

All the while, there would be a day upcoming when all of this would have to be condensed into something that was capable of being understood.

Today was not that day.

——————————————

December 24, Years Later

Did your footsteps have to echo what your heart was chanting?

Suguru, Suguru, Suguru.

Your walk to the communal lounge of the Jujutsu High-Tokyo campus was different, in some ways, from usual. Familiar stone scraped at the bottom of your shoes. Acrid smoke still hung in the air, and pieces of wood and rock falling to the ground could be heard echoing from where buildings and walls were left in ruin. The fading orange of a winter sunset was dipping below the remaining trees, leaving behind a night that was dark and dreadful and devastated.

Suguru, Suguru, Suguru.

And then you were here, at the door you had to open and walk through before any number of questions you had could be answered. With a deep inhale, you took your first step forward to pass over the threshold and the room that was full of people, though couldn’t be considered noisy, went silent.

Principal Yaga stood in a corner to the right with a cell phone at his ear. Nanami sat at a table with his spotted tie loosened around his neck and his suit jacket thrown over the back of his chair in an uncommon show of haggard exhaustion. Behind him, Shoko was washing her hands in a sink where the water swirled with something pink. You jerked your head to the left to avoid having to process the sight further, but what you looked upon instead didn’t spare you any relief.

The underclassmen, Maki, Panda, and Inumaki, hovered around a loveseat where Okkotsu sat slumped with his head in his hands. All four of them were covered in varying degrees of debris, bandages, and scant traces of blood. It made you feel a little better to think that’s all Shoko had been washing off in the sink.

What didn’t help ease the knots in your stomach was the way Okkotsu never raised his head to acknowledge the entrance of your presence—a contradiction to his normal deferential behavior—but also how the rest of the eyes in the room all looked at you with varying degrees of emotion. None were malicious, but unnerving nonetheless.

Pity, unsureness, sorrow, regret, and condolence—,

Your sharp inhale was enough to make a person or two flinch, but no one else moved and you were left to contemplate whether fleeing to solitary misery would hurt less than receiving answers about what had happened tonight.

Before you could decide what to do, the door to the back of the lounge slid open and Satoru stepped inside. His bandages around his eyes were off, and he was looking at you in a way he never had until now. How you were supposed to interpret that look and what it could even mean…well, you didn’t have the slightest clue, and that would be the final blow to your being.

You had already lurched back to reach for the door when Satoru called your name, and you were slow to turn around to face him. When you did, he used his head to nod to the garden through the door of the lounge in a bid to get you to follow him before exiting the room the same way he came. You took a deep breath and gave a helpless search around the room before following after him into the night. Someone had the grace to close the door behind you.

The two of you walked a few steps into the garden, and while it did nothing to ease the turmoil you were feeling, the vastness of the night sky and coolness of the air was preferable to the atmosphere in the lounge you were just in. When you and Satoru finally came to a halt, you weren’t close enough to touch, but if you tried, your fingertips would just miss the fabric of his uniform. You waited for him to speak, swallowing once, twice, a third time to try and clear the tension out of your throat. Your hands began to tremble, and a stinging burn rushed up through your nose to prick at the corners of your eyes.

With only a whisper of clothing as a warning, Satoru’s hand reached out to cup the back of your neck and draw you into his shoulder, his arms capable of closing the distance between you without requiring him to step nearer. His other hand settled between your shoulder blades while yours loosely gripped the fabric at his ribcage. The embrace only lasted another second before he was pulling away with a gentle squeeze around your arms and letting his own drop to his sides.

“You’re aware of what led up to all this tonight, correct?” Satoru asked, gesturing vaguely to the campus surrounding you both. There was no preamble from him and you watched as his eyes flicked between yours.

“Yes,” you nodded, “I was there in the city with everyone, Satoru. I saw you leave, and once everything finished I stayed after to check on everyone from Kyoto before coming back here.” You let your eyes wander around over Satoru’s shoulder, and you could just faintly make out a persisting plume of smoke in the distance.

“He was here,” you continued, no more asking him a question than you were stating what you already knew, “and this was him?” Even though it was meek, your voice didn’t crack.

Satoru hummed out an affirmation, not needing to clarify what you said in order for him to know that you were referring to the damaged state of the school as a result of Suguru’s presence.

“Alright,” you started, firm and as prepared as you could make yourself in this moment, “where is he?”

Satoru carried on without acknowledging the question you asked. “Some of the damage is from him fighting Maki, Panda, and Inumaki, but most of it is from his fight with Okkostu and Rika after the others became too injured. I arrived just at the end.”

It was here that you started to feel like you were listening to his words from somewhere outside your body. There was an outcome that you were waiting to learn of, and you knew you either needed to ask a question or make some kind of noise or movement to prompt him to go forward. But really, your head felt like it was full of static and you couldn’t begin to piece the words together to make them sound even remotely coherent.

The end, the end, the end, the e–,

“The end?” You asked on an exhale, stunned when you saw Satoru’s chin quiver just once. You realized then that you hadn’t ever really taken the time to study the world’s strongest sorcerer. Did the blue of his eyes always reflect even the dimmest of light, or was there something else that caused them to swim as they did now? He stood rigid, but then again Satoru always held himself up to his full height, unbothered by the weight that sat on his shoulders and unencumbered by the threat of a physical blow. Maybe now that you could notice, as you saw how his head hung slightly and weariness lowered his stature, it was apparent that the time Satoru spent constantly guarding his person never allowed for the same courtesy to his mind. You wondered if the vulnerability of it, of how he sacrificed himself to the heavy weight of emotional torment, was what eventually managed to dim the spirit of the person in front of you right now.

“Suguru’s dead. ”

One day, you’d look back and wonder if you already knew what was going to come out of Satoru’s mouth. The news had the ground beneath your feet tilting in different directions in a way that threatened the contents of your stomach, and it did expel the air from your lungs in a pained-sounding moan. But it didn’t send the electrical current of shock through your body that you were waiting for. You’d suspect that you were aware of it from the moment you set foot on campus, that the tension in the air and the stiffness of everyone in the lounge had been direct indicators that the worst had occurred. Perhaps you knew, but needed Satoru to deliver that blow in order for it to land.

You struggled to find a way to think past the roaring in your ears, so you tangled your fingers together in order to dig your nails into the skin on the backs of your hands. When the pain didn’t register and the blood welling up underneath them didn’t scare you into looking away, you fixed your gaze up on Satoru’s eyes in a desperate attempt to pull yourself out from inside yourself. They were wide in concerned alarm from whatever he saw on your face.

“God, so…,” you heaved a breath and closed your eyes to try and focus on getting your thoughts into something more than garbled syllables, “so that’s why Okkotsu looks the way he does…in there? He, uhm, he ki—,”

“No.” Satoru pulled his bottom lip under his teeth and rolled his head back to look up at the sky before returning back to you. Did he feel the same trepidation that snaked under your skin and knocked at your chest? Did your eyes reflect back to him the pleading that was going on in your head? To who, though? Certainly, the time for bargaining was long past. “No, Okkotsu didn’t kill Suguru. He wounded him…badly. But Suguru was able to retreat in the haze of the smoke and I…he…”

He what? Suguru? Okkotsu? If allowed, the endless possibilities of “what if” would steal whatever peace remained from you, and if closure wasn’t something granted to you, you would respond in kind.

“What, Satoru? He what? You have to be clearer. You have to tell me, for the sake of my own understanding.”

The sliding of the lounge door caught your attention and interrupted whatever Satoru was going to say next. You glanced over, watching as Nanami stepped out from around the door, shut it, and leaned back against it with his arms crossed over his chest. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Satoru giving him the faintest nod and you wondered if he had asked him to come out here. The reason wasn’t quite clear to you yet, but you stared at him, trying to figure out what part the blonde-haired sorcerer was about to play in all of this.

Ever present Nanami, stoic as he was strong, but soft spoken and never cruel for cruelty’s sake. Always maintained rigid self control and composure, even in the face of his best friend’s death. He was steady and stable, easily beat against but never yielded, made to never move under such intense pressure.

The thought had you turning back to Satoru, perplexed about what Nanami’s presence might be implying. What was about to come out of Gojo Satoru’s mouth that made him think he wouldn’t be enough for you? Or—in an even worse consideration—that he was about to become too much for you.

“I found Suguru after his fight with Okkotsu in some obscure corner of campus,” Satoru whispered, and you dared not move or breathe as you waited for his next words. “I found him…and I killed him.”

You had to hold a hand up to your chest, right between your breasts and over your heart as it began to rise and fall with the rapidness of your breaths, if only to ensure that it kept beating as every second ticked past the next. You felt your mouth drop open, felt your throat vibrate with some wounded noise, and watched as Satoru held out his hand to you, immense regret tightening his features, along with glistening tears clinging to the tips of his eyelashes. What hurt more though was the memory of Satoru’s arm reaching out like it did now, some years ago on the day Suguru left, his fingers trembling as they inched towards each other in his best friend's direction. You wondered—painfully, regrettably—if that’s what Suguru saw too right before it all went dark, and the sight of it was enough to send you staggering backwards. Someone caught you with large hands curling around the tops of your shoulders and—,

Oh, that’s what Nanami was for.

Taking advantage of your friend behind you, you wilted backwards against Nanami’s chest and sobbed, neither of you unnerved by the ugly gasping of it. The hand that wasn’t still clutched against your body in the hopes of keeping yourself sealed shut shot up to grasp at Nanami’s forearm in an effort to abate the buckling of your knees. Because in front of you, the honored one stood a few feet away from you with eyes made empty and full of loss, and you struggled to reconcile which one of you were owed more the space to fall apart. Perhaps it was you both, as grief in situations like this happened to be a great equalizer, and you considered, as your friend stared at you with pained hopelessness, that maybe—certainly—Satoru was entitled to his own moment of sorrow in front of you. The thought lent sturdiness to your stance and you pushed forward off Nanami and used the momentum to propel yourself into Satoru. You worried briefly that maybe the two of you wouldn’t make contact, that he wouldn’t allow you into the space of him, but your arms landed around his neck, your chest met his, and his hands pushed you past any remaining distance.

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice shaking and hands hovering infinitesimally over your hips before they settled against you. All you could do was shake your head against his shoulder. There was no question about how equally wounded Satoru was. Where you now mourned the forever plans that once existed in the bright eyes and easy laugh of a man since gone, Satoru had the honor of shouldering the burden of knowing he was the one who snuffed those plans out, though the fault could be no more placed on him than it could you. Did he wonder as he waited for you, whether you would blame him for the duty in which he owed the world protection from people like Suguru? Where he would always be the one to know what it was like to take away the life of his best friend, did he worry about how you would look at him once you knew? Did you confirm his fear when you fell away from him? For a time, did Satoru bemoan the physical loss of Suguru and wonder if he would have to do the same for you when you couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes anymore? Satoru might have been the one who made you something akin to a widow, but Suguru’s choices and decisions were what put the two of you here, who really held responsibility for the damage inflicted on the two people he had valued most.

You squeezed Satoru a little tighter and then tilted back some so you could peer into his face.

“Don’t be sorry,” you said, shaking your head at him when he opened his mouth to protest, “at least not to me.” A weak smile pulled at your lips as you did your best to reassure him and the spasming of his grip at your waist. You didn’t have the energy to explain to him the depths of emotion that swirled around in your head. How you didn’t blame him, but regretted the situation Suguru thrust the two of you in. How you would never leave him to carry this alone, but that you would need time before looking at him didn’t make your heart throb with painful memory and imagination. Or how the two of you would be forever connected by the loss of someone so important to each of you in vastly different ways, but that you wanted nothing more than to flee from his presence now.

So you moved away from him, trailing a hand down his arm because you could and because you didn’t know what else to do for him. You kept stepping back, already turning to retreat back the way you came and ready to seek solace in the privacy of your room. To do what, you weren’t sure. To cry, you guessed. To distract yourself enough that you didn’t replay every single second of the last few years over and over in your head so you could pick every word and touch between you and Suguru apart. Whether that was for the sake of your own memory or to try and figure out that which couldn’t be solved was unbeknownst to you. In the depths of your grief, maybe you would wonder what the last moments were like for Suguru. Did he think of you? Consider what he had done to you and to Satoru? What were the last words to come out his mouth? Were they for you or for—,

You whirled around from your spot halfway back to the lounge door and caught sight of Nanami placing a heavy hand on Satoru’s shoulder.

“Did Suguru say anything to you?” Your voice carried out clearly on the emptiness of the night, but Satoru didn’t turn in your direction, nor did he hardly move. “Did he…did he have anything for you to tell me?”

Satoru was still until he eventually twisted his head towards you just enough so he could look at you from the corner of his eye. They were guarded, maybe the slightest bit afraid, and you held your breath in anticipation.

“No.”

You deflated and were unsure how to feel about his answer. You had hoped, thought, that maybe having Suguru’s last words for you would bring about some relief for the burning heartache that had started at some point in the last hour—the last couple of years—but you had also been hesitant to receive one more thing to occupy the scant emotional bandwidth you had left for everything that Suguru was. It would be one more thing to keep you up at night. On the other hand, the fact that your lover had left the world with nought an expressed thought or word for your condition left a blistering bitterness to swell within you. Insignificant were you not, but maybe to Suguru, in his last moments on Earth, you were to him. And that thought was enough to tip you into the realm of excess, surefly filled and overflowing with enough contemplating and pondering and general overthinking to last the rest of your life.

So you turned away from Satoru and Nanami and walked back through an empty lounge and out the door from which you came earlier in the evening. The night was still dark and devastated but relatively silent, the noise of utter ruin having mostly ceased. But your shoes still scuffed against stone and tiny pebbles skittered away from under feet, skipping and tumbling with every step you took.

Suguru, Suguru, Suguru.

——————————————

“You were lying.”

Nanami’s tone was no more judgemental than it was inquisitive, but nothing about him seemed to press Satoru for answers that he wasn’t yet ready to give—or understood himself. He did lie. He wouldn’t deny that. But under no circumstances was he prepared to tell you what his best friend, your other half, had told him in the minutes before his death. They replayed tortuously in his head as he tried to make sense of it all. Satoru would have to speak them to you one day, and the fear of doing so brought the same panicked apprehension he had felt as he watched you try and hold yourself together as he had told you about Suguru’s death. As he waited for you, he had imagined every which way your face could have pinched and drawn up in enraged despair as you threw yourself against him to beat as his chest, to wail in his arms as you cursed his existence before finally retreating in a similar fashion as how you did just moments ago, but perhaps with less acceptance and a goodbye that would prove final in its anger. You hadn’t reacted that way, of course. You had fallen against him in sorrow and with a barely concealed need for comfort as much as you were ready to give it to him, and he had been filled with desperate relief at the feeling of you and how you hadn’t shied away from him. But maybe that was to come later one day, after Satoru spent time considering what was said and implied by Suguru’s words, and felt brave enough to share them with you. Surely then you wouldn’t have the same patience for him as you did tonight.

“I was.” That was all he said back to Nanami, refusing to elaborate on the specifics of something he owed to you and couldn’t yet come to terms with himself. Thankfully, Nanami simply nodded and glanced in the direction of your departure.

“I’ll check on her in the morning,” he offered, betraying no emotion or thought to the idea, but Satoru had a feeling it had something to do with how you had done the same for Nanami when, a few years ago, death had come for Jujutsu High and taken Haibara with it. Neither man said anything else as they departed, Nanami heading your direction towards staff lodging and Satoru leaving to walk aimlessly along crumbling corridors. His head spun, and he remembered.

Satoru had heard Suguru before he came upon him, dragging his shoulder against stone walls and mumbling nonsense to himself until it came to an abrupt halt as he spotted Satoru a ways in front of him. It was painful to take in the sight of his best friend, covered in blood and viciously mangled, but looking so achingly familiar. But the ensuing conversation, a mindless back and forth of words that meant much and nothing at all proved that the person in front of him wasn’t the same as he remembered.

“Tell me, do you have any last words?” Satoru had asked, a simple opportunity given to the man sitting in front of him, yet he cursed the universe for his lot in life, the unfairness of it all bittering the taste of his mouth and landing heavy in his chest as Suguru spoke back to him.

“She's yours now, it would seem.”

Satoru couldn’t ever say he had been rendered speechless before, but he choked on his own spit as he recoiled from Suguru’s words. He grit his teeth as he felt his face scrunch in anguished rage.

“God, Suguru! You can’t just—that’s not something you—!” What came out in a fit of bewilderment was followed by more jumbled sputtering before Satoru could mind his tongue again. “You don’t just say that! You can’t pass ownership of her like an object. Not like this, not ever!”

Suguru just chuckled, out of breath and clearly fading, and leaned his head back against the wall. “Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“It does!” Satoru shouted, panic and desperation lacing his tone,“She doesn’t want me! She would want you to come back, to make amends and live your entire life trying to repair what you broke. You don’t get to decide our future for us!”

“Consider it a dying wish,” Suguru said calmly, and Satoru wondered if anything else someone could ever say would hurt as badly as that (a picture of you flashed unbidden in his mind).

“She would rather have you—I would rather have you!”

“You haven’t exactly said ‘no’, Satoru.”

His words pinned him in place and Satoru was stunned into silence. His friend’s dying delusions were no better for his psyche than considering what Suguru implied would mean for him. Satoru had never let himself think so far, to entertain a thought about his best friend’s girlfriend in any other way except strictly platonic. Sure, no one could ignore your beauty, and a couple times Satoru had silently envied what Suguru had and he did not—intimate companionship, physical comfort and pleasure, and the eagerness for a future with someone, all that could be had with a friend but on levels not belonging to such a term. However longed for, it was never with you strictly imagined, just a simple yearning for something of his own.

“No,” Satoru managed, “not like this. Not without her consent, and certainly not in place of you being alive.”

Suguru made a motion similar to a shrug, or what one would look like if half of his shoulder wasn’t missing. “If you insist.”

“Do you not have anything to say to her? To leave her with?” Satoru beseeched on your behalf, hoping Suguru would tell him anything else to pass on to you other than his attempt to give you to him. Satoru would get his last words with Suguru, and it was all the same too much and not enough. He wondered if you would feel the same.

“What’s there to say?” Suguru said, his voice light, as if the discussion was more about the weather or something else equally mundane. “‘I’m sorry’ seems pointless without action behind it, and there will be none. ‘I love you’ is nothing she hasn’t heard before, and I would call into question the truthfulness of those words in light of my actions if I were her.” It was then that Satoru finally spotted a hint of regret and sorrow on Suguru’s face, but it disappeared only a moment later. “She would not want me as I am now, and there is no going back. The damage resulting from my choices is something the two of you will wrestle with, both individually and together, I suppose. Hence, why I said what I did.”

Satoru would laugh at the absurdity of it all if it didn’t pain him so badly. Instead, he walked towards Suguru and dropped into a crouch to get eye-level with his friend. His head lolled toward him.

“Damn you for that, Suguru,” he said, “but you’ll always be my best friend.”

Shock fluttered over Suguru’s face before amusement wrinkled his eyes and a tired laugh shook his body. His eyes slid shut and as Satoru stood and willed his arm to move, he desperately wished he could be anywhere else.

-----------------------------------

I hope I didn't ramble too much and that this made sense! The next chapters shouldn't be as thought/monologue heavy. I can't promise an update timeline, but I will do my best to not take too long. I am writing in the breaks between chasing my toddler around, so patience is appreciated:)

Cross-posted on ao3 as well.

Thanks!

#gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #geto suguru #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo x you #gojo x reader #geto x you #geto x reader

107 notes · View notes

aspd-culture · 11 months

Note

Heya, idk if this is a valid question or is really dumb, but like, does the age at which ASPD behavior starts to show have to be strictly 15?

I have been wondering whether I should get officially diagnosed, since the media and general societal representation of it doesn’t seem as reflecting of me (with exception of a few) but I do relate extremely closely to most of the diagnosing criteria. Although??? The physical aggression thing?? Like I have those impulses and plenty of them, but I just don’t follow through with most because of convenience. That sort of thing is one of the main things that makes me doubt whether I do actually have it. (Same with impulsive behaviors etc)

But my main point/ask is the age thing. As a very young child I was pretty sweet? Ig? Like I wasn’t an aggressive child, rather pretty passive. As far as I recall, my symptoms started when I was about 15-16, when I was starting to process that mine was a traumatic situation? and earlier than that I was just an edgy teen, I guess? I sure had some of the symptons way earlier, but the main ones/ the ones that I feel are more prominent in me didn’t show up until a bit later? I’m not sure. So my question is, does it mean it can’t be ASPD?

Also your page is lifesaving. Thanks man.

Note: due to the way copy and pasting criteria works on tumblr, this post will be written exclusively in plain text, as copying and pasting it all over again would take forever, but I want this post to be accessible still.

I haaaate the way the DSM phrases criteria. Absolutely no worries, it is confusing as heck and you wouldn't be the first person at all to ask about this.

So, the symptoms of Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (DSM criteria below) need to show by or before the age of 15. (I do not know if Intermittent Explosive Disorder satisfies this criteria, but it very well may.) That means they may start when you're a toddler, or they may start when you're 14.5. Anywhere in there, you have to qualify for one of those two disorders, but you also do not have to have been diagnosed with them.

Also, having had been an "edgy teen" definitely could have been those symptoms showing themselves. The reason ASPD can't be diagnosed before 18 is because teenage edginess could either be symptoms or be normal, and the only real way to tell is if it continues past teenage and into adulthood.

The diagnostic criteria of Oppostional Defiant Disorder is as follows, quoted from the DSM-V TR:

A. A pattern of angry/iritable mood, argumentative/defiant behavior, or vindictiveness lasting at least 6 months as evidenced by at least four symptoms from any of the following categories, and exhibited during interaction with at least one individual who is not a sibling.

Angry/lrritable Mood

1. Often loses temper

2. Is often touchy or easily annoyed

3. Is often angry and resentful.

Argumentative/Defiant Behavior

4. Often argues with authority figures or, for children and adolescents, with adults.

5. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with requests from authority figures or with rules

6. Often deliberately annoys others

7. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior.

Vindictiveness

8. Has been spiteful or vindictive at least twice within the past 6 months

Note: The persistence and frequency of these behaviors should be used to distinguish a behavior that is within normal limits from a behavior that is symptomatic. For children younger than 5 years, the behavior should occur on most days for a period of at least 6 months unless otherwise noted (Criterion A8). For individuals 5 years or older, the behavior should occur at least once per week for at least 6 months, unless otherwise noted (Criterion A8). While these frequency criteria provide guidance on a minimal level of frequency to define symptoms, other factors should also be considered, such as whether the frequency and intensity of the behaviors are outside a range that is normative for the individual's developmental level, gender, and culture.

B. The disturbance in behavior is associated with distress in the individual or others in his or her immediate social context (e.g., family, peer group, work colleagues), or it impacts negatively on social, educational, occupational, or other important areas of functioning

C. The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of a psychotic substance use, depressive, or bipolar disorder. Also, the criteria are not met for disruptive mood dysregulation disorder.

[End quote]

Conduct disorder's criteria more clearly shows the lead-in to ASPD.

The diagnostic criteria for Conduct Disorder is as follows, quoted from the DSM-V TR:

A. A repetitive and persistent pattern of behavior in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated, as manifested by the presence of at least three of the following 15 criteria in the past 12 months from any of the categories below, with at least one criterion present in the past 6 months:

Aggression to People and Animals

1. Often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others.

2. Often initiates physical fights.

3. Has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (e.g., a bat, brick, broken bottle, knife, gun)

4. Has been physically cruel to people

5. Has been physically cruel to animals

6. Has stolen while confronting a victim (e.g., mugging, purse snatching, extortion, armed robbery)

7. Has forced someone into sexual activity

Destruction of Property

8. Has deliberately engaged in fire setting with the intention of causing serious damage.

9. Has deliberately destroyed others' property (other than by fire setting).

Deceitfulness or Theft

10. Has broken into someone else's house, building, or car.

11. Often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (i.e., "cons' others).

12. Has stolen items of nontrivial value without confronting a victim (e.g. shoplifting, but without breaking and entering; forgery)

Serious Violations of Rules

13. Often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 years.

14. Has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in the parental or parental surrogate home, or once without returning for a lengthy period

15. Is often truant from school, beginning before age 13 years

B. The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning

C. If the individual is age 18 years or older, criteria are not met for antisocial personality disorder.

[Skipping a bit of the quote which specifies codes for the various ages CD can present. It is worth noting that these are *not* criteria, they are specifications to be noted in the file of the person being diagnosed with conduct disorder to accurately describe their experience. As you'll see, these specifications are flags as to whether a child/teen with conduct disorder should be evaluated for ASPD upon reaching adulthood.]

Specify if:

With limited prosocial emotions: To qualify for this specifier, an individual must have displayed at least two of the following characteristics persistently over at least 12 months and in multiple relationships and settings. These characteristics reflect the individual's typical pattern of interpersonal and emotional functioning over this period and not just occasional occurrences in some situations. Thus, to assess the criteria for the specifier, multiple information sources are necessary. In addition to the individual's self-report, it is necessary to consider reports by others who have known the individual for extended periods of time (e.g., parents, teachers, co-workers, extended family members, peers).

Lack of remorse or guilt: Does not feel bad or guilty when he or she does something wrong (exclude remorse when expressed only when caught and/or facing punishment). The individual shows a general lack of concern about the negative consequences of his or her actions. For example, the individual is not remorseful after hurting someone or does not care about the consequences of breaking rules.

Callous-lack of empathy: Disregards and is unconcerned about the feelings of others. The individual is described as cold and uncaring. The individual appears more concerned about the effects of his or her actions on himself or herself, rather than their effects on others, even when they result in substantial harm to others.

Unconcerned about performance: Does not show concern about poor/problematic performance at school, at work, or in other important activities. The individual does not put forth the effort necessary to perform well, even when expectations are clear, and typically blames others for his or her poor performance.

Shallow or deficient affect: Does not express feelings or show emotions to others, except in ways that seem shallow, insincere, or superficial (e.g. actions contradict the emotion displayed; can turn emotions "on" or "off" quickly) or when emotional expressions are used for gain (e.g., emotions displayed to manipulate or intimidate others).

Specify current severity:

Mild: Few if any conduct problems in excess of those required to make the diagnosis are present, and conduct problems cause relatively minor harm to others (e.g., lying, truancy, staying out after dark without permission, other rule breaking)

Moderate: The number of conduct problems and the effect on others are intermediate between those specified in "mild" and those in "severe" (e.g. stealing without confronting a victim, vandalism)

Severe: Many conduct problems in excess of those required to make the diagnosis are present, or conduct problems cause considerable harm to others (e.g., forced sex, physical cruelty, use of a weapon, stealing while confronting a victim, breaking and entering).

[End of Quote]

As you can see, the criteria required before age 15 is not as intense as many professionals describe it. Remember that you are only required to have shown 3 out of the total 15 criteria in there. There is even a whole specifier for Conduct Disorder that is mild and only includes things like lying, basic rule-breaking, and/or staying out past curfew.

Acts of physical aggression are not actually required for ASPD at all, it's just that many prosocials see that being one of the possible symptoms and fixate on it, thus pushing everyone with ASPD into the box of physical aggresion. You absolutely can have ASPD and never act on any violent thoughts or urges.

I was also a very sweet and passive child, developing most of my externalized ASPD symptoms (rule breaking, disrespectful behavior/actions, challenging authority, etc) around age 13. However, the internal symptoms were there for me much younger - easily bored with poor handling of boredom, lack of empathetic reactions, difficulty apologizing/showing remorse due to not really feeling it, becoming very angry but not showing it, resulting for me in self destructive behaviors like cheek biting or controlled destructive behaviors like breaking something that wouldn't be missed (pencils and pens mostly for me).

Regardless of what symptoms were shown when, symptoms are still symptoms, and if you had enough for Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder before your 16th birthday, you are well within possibility of having ASPD. Keep in mind that the lying, manipulation, etc that can qualify for Conduct Disorder doesn't have to be grandiose or destructive except where it is explicitly stated in the criteria that it does (such as fire setting only counting for the destruction of property criteria if you meant to damage something with said fire).

It's so easy to count yourself out of ASPD because you don't fit the stereotypes or public perception of ASPD, but I assure you that there are many, many ways something as complex as a personality disorder can show itself.

It is absolutely a great thing, however, that you are covering your bases and making sure to do the research to see if this is what you have. That is the basis of an informed self-dx, should you come to the conclusion that you have ASPD.

Now, as for actually getting diagnosed, your mileage may vary with professionals. Many have bias against pwASPD ingrained into their practice, and won't diagnose you with it even though you have it if you aren't/weren't violent, law-breaking, or if they just think you "seem far too kind to have ASPD" (a real quote a former professional said to me a few months before I was diagnosed by my long-time psychiatrist). This doesn't mean you don't have ASPD. If they can't give you other explanations that make sense, and if their reasons for denying you that diagnosis are based in stigma or anything other than actual criteria, then you are well within your rights to continue being self-dx.

A professional should be able to explain, using criteria, why you don't have a disorder you think you may have. If they're doing their job, they should be willing to explain to you what their reasons are and point you in the direction they think may be causing the symptoms. And no, "just acting like a teenager" isn't good enough if enough symptoms have persisted into adulthood for you to meet the criteria for ASPD.

I hope this helps, apologies for it being so long.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #conduct disorder #oppositional defiant disorder #odd #cd #diagnostic criteria #dsm v tr #dsm v #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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emsgwenstan · 9 months

Text

Personal or professional?

Chap 3 | chap 4 | chap 5

Larissa Weems x fem(carpenter/joiner) named reader

Words: 2.5k

Warnings: alcohol, severe angst, longing, bodily issues.

Note: well… idk just read and find out there may be a lil x.

Larissa woke at 4am to start her day, for the first time in a while she hadn’t the energy to get up and be motivated, though, ultimately she did rise and started the monotonous process of her hair after she prepared a cup of tea to rest beside her on the counter in her bathroom. Larissa finished her hair and make up, she dressed and took her empty cup back to the kitchenette and for some reason she had forgone stepping into her office as of yet and opted to sit in bed with her laptop, even though it was only 6am.

It had been 3 weeks since the dinner at my house, Larissa and I had kept in touch from that time, especially since I needed to return her purse. She had come to the front of the school to retrieve the item and thanked me for the the trouble of driving it out to her, I brushed it off and said it wasn’t a big deal, any excuse to see or be near her was a blessing. Larissa opened messages on her phone to see if there were any missed phone calls or texts from any of her faculty or god forbid the board, but not only did she find a sum of ridiculous unanswered questions, I had sent a text to inform her that the cupboard’s are right to be installed and I’m ready whenever is a good time for her.

She replied with “Is today too soon?” And of course I was already loaded to go and told her the time I’ll be there, if it was fine with her of course. 3pm. She jumped of her bed and suddenly had an abundance of energy to burn, for the next six hours she would fly through all of the work she had been procrastinating on doing for the past week and eventually find herself for the first time in a long time out of paperwork, meetings and duties, until the next week obviously. Larissa had taken to going for a spontaneous walk through the school at the time students were doing their extra curricular activities and stopped at every one to greet students. She asked staff if anyone was in need of her assistance to which they all declined.

At 1:30 Larissa had ended up at the lake, she walked the length of the peer and inhaled a deep breath of cold air and let her tense shoulders drop back into a comfortable position, she checked her watch and debated on staying for a while longer or if she should get going, the latter was the choice she settled with. Some days Larissa wonders why she constantly chooses to wear dresses even in the winter, her only con is because she likes them, maybe I should wear pants, it might be warmer, definitely more suitable. What am I even thinking Larissa doesn’t do trousers in public. She thought to herself.

Back in the comfort of her office, she peeled off her gloves and stood so close to the fire she might have caught alight trying to warm up her ice cold hands, the only downside to this time of year to her apparently. Just as she was about to take a seat in her chair, her phone started ringing.

*Violet Hastings*

“Hello darling.” She answered.

“Hey… um im here, is there any easy way of getting the stuff inside before I make myself look like a fool and you tell me there was in fact an easier way.” I chuckled.

“Your parked at the front correct?” She asked.

“Yeah, just go up the stairs and down the corridor and take a left yeah? I only really know the way from your office.” I asked.

“Yes, do you think you’ll manage sweetheart?” She wondered.

“Of course I will, I’ll get into it and I’ll come get you when I’m done, does that sound alright?” I questioned.

“Sure, if there’s anything you need you know where to find me.” She said.

“Ok, I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

Larissa hung up and debated just coming to find me but decided not to be a bother and only come if needed. She sat in her office doing next to nothing, she even considered cleaning, but knew that everything was already spic and span, she knows that, otherwise she wouldn’t give extra pays the the ones who do the impeccable job of keeping her office, classrooms and the school in general tidy.

I haled all of the cupboards from the back of the trailer to their destination and stuck in to placing them on the kick boards screwing them to the walls and putting all of the shelves in them as well as all of the chrome handles on each door. The cupboards themselves were a mix of dark blue and grey, the handles were simple, but all together matched very well with the aesthetic of the rooms. It took only two hours to complete the six and with all of my tools and power cords packed up it was time to deliver the items for Larissa.

With no students around it was quite easy to manoeuvre the two huge items in and up the stairs. With a blanket tucked under my arm I knocked on Larissa’s door. “Come in.” She was sat in her chair with her laptop placed in front of her displaying the fourth round of solitaire. “Hey it’s just me.” I said stepping into the threshold, only opening the door enough to shimmy through so she didn’t see what was behind the doors. “How did you go?” She asked, closing her laptop and turning all of her attention to me. “Really good, all finished, but I’ve got your surprise with me so I’ll show you that first.” I said excitedly, rocking back and forth on my heels. “Do you now?” She questioned. “Yes and you need to close your eyes.” I said. Larissa gave me a hesitant look before finally closing her eyes. “No peeking! I mean it.”

Throwing the blanket in the floor, I turned and went back to the door opening both of them, quickly bringing them inside right in the middle of the room, I picked up the blanket and splayed it across the items. “Open.” I said looking at her. Larissa’s eyes fluttered open before her expression turned confused, she rose from her chair and rounded the table she was sat at. “What is it exactly?” She asked in a low raspy voice. “See for yourself.” I said taking a step back, only now is it that i find myself so incredibly nervous, I hope this isn’t to much, what if she hates them.

Standing fiddling with my hands, I cautiously watch Larissa as she takes slow steps toward whatever was beneath the fabric. She grasped the corner of the blanket and lifted it up gently revealing the vanity I agreed to give her and as told I fixed, well slightly tweaked, I had extended the legs, retouched the paint and polished the top. Larissa let out a breath that sounded like ‘oh’ and faced me with wide eyes. “Is that ok?” I asked. She nodded before saying anything. “I-I…” she started struggling to find words. “Violet.” She managed to whisper as she was taking her time to examine it again as if she hadn’t already seen it before. I wandered slowly beside her. “I know that it’s probably not really your thing but I just thought if you wanted to…” I leaned forward and winded the internal music box that’s located on the side.

The melody of ‘once upon a December’ emanated from within it. “I know it’s kinda sil-.” I said before she cut me off. “No.” I straightened up and looked at her. “No. This is… beautiful, truly.” She said. “You still have another one.” I spoke. Larissa moved a little closer to the next covered item, it was far larger than the vanity, she re-grasped the blanket and completely pulled it off. “Oh my god! Is this!…is this a desk!?- for me?” She asked excitedly, she dropped the cloth to the floor and was just about jumping for joy. “I thought you deserved a better one than that crappy thing you have, do you mind?” I asked. “Do I mind!? Are you serious! Look at it vi, it’s so big and gorgeous.” She giggled and clamped her hands on my shoulders shaking me a little. “Well it’s all yours, your very own big girl desk.” I laughed. “I don’t even know what to say, just- oh thank you darling I love it, I love it so so much.” She said wrapping her arms around me.

I pulled away and tried to hide my red cheeks, Larissa’s hands found purchase together against her chest and I could tell she couldn’t stop grinning. After a while we decided to completely remove her old shitty desk and put her new one in its place doing the same with her vanity. “Hang on, how the hell did you get these up here and in the room with me hearing it?” She asked out of nowhere. I should have been more noisy. “I don’t muck around Larissa, I’m quite strong.” I said hoping she doesn’t pick up on the small lie. Later on once everything was in its place, I led her back down stairs to show her the end result of the installations in the classrooms.

Larissa was ecstatic about all of the work I had done, she feels so greatfull for all the effort I put into each and every piece I had made. It was almost 5pm by the time I walked her up to her office, she couldn’t help but go and touch the desk yet again.

“Stay right here I’ll be back In one moment.” She demanded. I stood in front of the fireplace waiting for her to return from the doors attached to the wall of the office. She came waltzing out and made a b-line for me. “Hold out your hand.” She asked, I did as she requested and place my palm up in the space between us. Larissa laid three stacks of hundred dollar bills in my hand, my eyes widened in shock. “Is 10,000 enough?” She asked. “No.” I said mechanically. “No? Another five?” She asked. “Oh god no! Larissa I don’t want this I don’t want any of it, you’re supposed to give my boss the money.” I said still holding it. “I’ve already paid for the schools components, this is for the desk and vanity, I know how much the materials cost, mahogany isn’t cheep.” She said. I lifted my free hand to reach for one of hers placing the cash back in her hands. “I don’t want or need a dollar of it Larissa, their a gift, you don’t pay for them, the pieces I used were all recycled from past projects, they don’t have any value… but I appreciate the offer.” I said. “You’re being stubborn sweetheart.” She hummed leaning closer and shoving the money in the back pocket of my pants. I had to physically refrain myself from pulling it out and giving it back to her again.

“Would you like a drink? A big girl drink to celebrate my new big girl desk hmm?” She asked rounding me and walking to a cabinet, she pulled out a bottle of red and a decanter of whiskey. “I don’t know I’ll have to think about it… yep thought about it!” I said reaching for the auburn liquid. Larissa passed me a glass to pour the drink into, as well as getting a wine glass for herself, it wasn’t a surprise that she had an entire cabinet full of liquor in her office I know if I had to stress over a thousand students and deal with the shit she does, I’d have the same.

Larissa kicked off her heels being done for the day and stood in front of the fire place. Orange and pink hues lit up the sky outside with bits of blue and purple, the setting sun casting rays into the clouds like perfection, I walked to the bay window in the room and pulled the curtains away to get a better view, Larissa noticed me not being near her and faced my position, she gazed at my form and the way my head involuntarily rolled to the side in appreciation for the the sky. She quietly moved to be beside me, I could feel her presence but I didn’t face her. Still looking out the window, my lips twitched into a small smile, the feeling of gazing at something so beautiful whilst being in the company of someone who’s just as- if not more beautiful, felt delightful, felt wonderful, right.

“You look like you’ve never seen a sunset before.” She mentioned in a quiet voice just above a whisper. “I haven’t… well no, I mean not for a very long time, I always get to work before sunrise and after sunset, on the weekends I try sleep long enough in the morning and in the evening all my curtains are drawn, because of the position it sets.” I said still looking out the window. I could tell Larissa was staring at me but I didn’t acknowledge it. “It is stunning.” She said finally looking out the glass.

Returning in front of the fire place, I put down the glass of whiskey an turn to Larissa who perched herself on the arm chair she dragged over. “What now?” I asked almost solemnly. “What do you mean?” She questioned taking another sip of her drink. “Well I’ve never been this…close to a client before, the jobs are done, everything is paid for… Is this it?” I wondered out loud not necessarily asking her per se, I guess just coming to relise that this is probably the end of whatever kind of relationship we have. Is it personal or still professional?

“I don’t think i would just stop talking to you. We’ve become good friends Violet… don’t you think?” She asked. Good friends, somehow that felt like a kick in the guts, it’s not like… well nevertheless this is good, good friends right? Good good friends. “Yes I agree, it’s just that I don’t have a lot of time to see you, your very busy, I don’t want to burden you with being yet another person you have to talk to.” I said quietly. “Don’t say that, I enjoy your company and look forward to spending time with you.” She spoke. I picked up my glass once again and held it out in front of me. “To being friends then.” I jokingly toasted. Larissa mimicked my actions and we both drank more.

An hour later and two bottles down I was sitting right next to her in another chair, with my boots off and jumper discarded along with them. We shared conversation about her staff and my past colleagues before she changed the subject. “So tell me, what do I not know about you? Five things go.” She asked. “Oh fuck I don’t know, ooh sorry.” I apologised for my language, thank god she doesn’t hear the vile things I say at work. “Um… five things?” I said out loud, at this point I was tipsy and had trouble retaining things that won’t want her to know, just yet at least.

“Uhh, I’m 38. My birthday is this month. Um, my parents are divorced, but I’m sure you put two and two together, they have been since I was 3. I change my hair all the time and…. I adore all kinds of art, drawings, paintings, poetry, music, all of the above really.” I spoke, pouring another glass for myself and topping up hers while I was at it. “You?” I asked. “Wow, I do have questions.” She said. “Mmmm?” I hummed in waiting. “What’s the date of your birthday and what was your previous hair like?” She asked, swirling around the liquid in her glass. “My birthday is the 12th and my hair was dark brown and very long.” I stated. “I honestly can’t picture it.” She said. I laughed at her, I had to remember not to show her a photo.

“Enough about me though I wanna know about you.” I said. “Ok well I’m 48, and my birthday is the 24th of February. I was raised in a ridiculously lavish lifestyle that I don’t usually brag about, with both my parents. And… I’ve looked the same for years not very much has changed. I too love the arts, usually when I go back to London I visit lots of museums and spend hours a day just wandering around them.” She expressed casually. “You’re so… cool, really, you’re so lucky.” I said. “Why?” She giggled. “I don’t know, your freedom, your ability to be so free when you’re alone.” I said. “And your not?” She asked. “No.” I said not elaborating, wanting to move away from the subject.

“I have another question.” I asked. “You don’t have to answer, but if you went here and your the principal… does that make you an outcast to?” I questioned hoping not to seem nosy. “Yes… is that a problem for you?” She asked. “No!” I said a bit to loud. “Not at all, just, wondering… I think it’s extraordinary honestly.” I said hoping to easy her obviously defensive demeanour. “Sorry i shouldn’t pry.” I said. “It’s ok, I knew you would ask eventually.” She smiled. “If you don’t mind me asking- what, are you though, you don’t need to tell me I’m just curious.” I asked. “What do you think I am?” She wondered raising her brows with a smirk.

“Let’s see… I know you’re not a vampire- no fangs, not a werwolf- to tame, clearly not a gorgon- self explanatory, I know you don’t have telekinesis- not very Larissa, that leaves siren or a seer, but that’s still not right.” I said her face grew more amused indicating I’m right, I’m getting warmer. “I don’t think you’re very common… something special, different, rare perhaps.” I said, she slightly eased her shoulders, but shrugging trying not to give anything away. My eyes flicked down to her necklace while I was observing her state, a moment went by and Larissa could see the gears turning in my head, the longer I looked at it the more I realised how much she thinks I’ll never guess, little does she know that I can see her in plain sight. I snap my eyes to hers and grin not saying a thing.

The more I gazed into her eyes my smile spread and Larissa’s faded. “I know what you are.” I whispered. She scoffed in an attempt to make my decision falter. “You seem so sure.” She said. “I am.” I stated. “So what’s your conclusion?” She hummed. “You know it’s very clever to hide your identity you do it very well.” I said leaning into grasp the chain around her neck. “But not clever enough… remember when I said your necklace was personally made? I should have realised then.” I traced the metal with my thumb, my eyes boring holes into hers. “You my dear are a shapeshifter.” I said knowing I just won this twisted and unspoken game.

“Very good, your no fool.” She said averting her gaze and taking a large gulp of wine. I sat back relaxing against the back of the chair, my chest flushed and fluttering from the close proximity and the reality of the situation. “Do you have another secret I can know?” I asked randomly to break the silence, still up for conversation. “What kind of secret?” She questioned, seemingly un-apposed to continue. “how about love interest, anyone your interested in or have loved in the past?” I asked pretty care free, the alcohol clearly the one talking. “Oh god. No im not really interested in anyone im married to my career, past loves, that is a whole other story. A whole other story.” She said. “Tell me? Please?” I asked. “Well it’s complicated, maybe another time.” She said quietly. “No I respect that, but it always is isn’t it… complicated.” “Always.” She replied.

More hours went by just talking and drinking, it was never my intention to get drunk, just saying that sounds ridiculous, I hardly ever drink and when I do I still have a high tolerance, safe to say I’ve drank enough alcohol within a couple of hours to last a week’s hangover. Larissa was to, not that would ever admit, so much for me being the stubborn one, she was giddy though and I couldn’t stop laughing, if I was sober and sat back watching as a different person I’d be repulsed, but than again I don’t have it in me to care.

Thinking it was a great idea I stood and fell on my ass-Well my ass fell on her. I was trying to walk around Larissa but my knee gave way and I fell into her lap. “Shit! oh my god sorry.” I said laughing, Larissa wrapped her hand around me to stabilise, but she held onto my waist and wouldn’t let me get up. “It’s ok.” She said trailing her hand further to my hip. My cheeks burned, blushing like an idiot, Larissa didn’t say another word, her eyes flicking around the room, I could feel her stiffen as I tried to get up again, but she tightened the grip, her face to was a shade of pink I was lucky to see through the orange glow of the room. “Stay.” She said, but it wasn’t sexual or flirty in any manner, it almost sounded like a sad plea.

If she wouldn’t let me go I may as well get comfortable, I wrapped my arm around her neck and rolled my hips sideways so I was just about hugging her, I rested my head on my bicep and let my feet dangle over the side of the chair. “I’m really heavy, are you sure you’re ok?” I asked. “Yes.” She whispered her gaze now set on the fire, A minute later she spoke again. “You’re not heavy either.” She said. I could feel myself slightly sobering up and hear my heart beating In my ears. I lifted my head so my chin was resting on my arm as well as shifting my elbow manoeuvring my hand to gently stroke her hair. “God you’re so pretty, you know that.” I whispered accidentally letting it slip whilst looking in her dark blue eyes. She turned her head to look at me, her gaze unfaltering and expression melancholy.

Subtly moving again her shoulders caught my attention, how I didn’t notice before was beyond me. “Ohh, you have little freckles.” I said grinning using my free hand to trace her skin, halting my movements on her hair. “They’re like little stars kissing your skin.” I whispered, my eyes unable to retain the average amount of liquid as they became glassy from the heightened emotions, silly I know but for someone who hardly gets emotional over something someone else would find a common thing to be upset or happy about, it’s a big deal.

Larissa was feeling so many thing in that moment, although it was anything but relaxed, she was calm but also a bit nervous and insecure, for the longest time she hasn’t had the privilege of being called such nice things like pretty, or such admiration towards what’s she deems as flaws, because that’s what she saw and heard, admiration. She isn’t just looking in my eyes when I say them, she’s peering into my soul, finding nothing but kind and pure intentions behind every word. Many people thought she ought to be a cunning woman who’s only goal is to be in control and do what ever she can to get her way, in some aspect it was true but she wasn’t a horrid, selfish or malicious person, behind the layers of professionalism she was just Larissa Weems. Rissa. Just Rissa.

I hadn’t seen my oversized work shirt gape at the front, not until I relised Larissa was looking, but in her line of sight wasn’t my bra nor cleavage, it was the stretch marks. Once it clicked, I sat up and removed my arm from around her and shot up swaying a little. Larissa was startled at the sudden movement and stood, her brows came together in confusion and also fright, hoping that what she did wasn’t what scared you away, but she was wrong. Panic riddled my being, I was becoming short of breath and the alcohol didn't help. "I-I'm sorry Violet, please forgive me that was utterly wrong of me to do I apologise." She said fiddling with her fingers on either side of herself. "Please... please forget you saw them." I whispered just about inaudible, but loud enough for her to hear. "What?" She breathed. "I don't-I don't want you to see them." I said looking at my feet. "No I should have not been looking at your br-... oh... oh." She realised it wasn't what she thought, she did infact look at the marks but only for a moment not even long enough to process what she was doing, this is worse, Larissa's stomach churned and her heart tinged at the thought of me panicking because of natural marks on my skin. "Oh darling, I- I wasn't, I wasn't judging, please you have to believe me." She said taking a step forward, I took a step back.

I spun around and picked up my jumper and shoes off the floor and clutched the boots, throwing the piece of clothing on, I struggled for a moment before it finally slipped over my head. "What are you doing?" She asked. "I need to go, I need to go home." I said. "No please it's late, you've had to much to drink you can't drive... just... stay, you can stay here." She said hopefully. She could see my jaw tensing and it was making her more anxious. "Don't bite so hard sweetheart." She said knowingly. I did stop but I still debated just going home, call a cab or a fucking Uber and leave.

I let out a breath i knew i was holding and dropped my shoes to the side. Larissa did the same exhaling slowly, she took another step towards me so slow as if I'd run away if she moved to quickly. It didn't take long until she reached me and grasped my hand. "Come on I'll put you to bed." I absentmindedly flowed her to the doors that access her quarters. I didn't look around the only thing I saw was the floor and then the edge of the bed. Larissa sat me down and retrieved a pair of pyjamas, a glass of water and meds. "Here you can have these to change into, and have the tablets you'll feel ok in the morning." She had another set of tablets for herself and took them taking sip from the glass than passed it to me giving my own meds. "You don't mind that I had some?" She asked. "No I don't mind." I said with my voice breaking a little.

Larissa let me be to change and came back from her bathroom in her own pyjamas and her hair in a lose braid. She walked over to the other side of the bed and reached over to grab my clothes and place them on a nere by chair making sure to pull out the cash and wrap it into my jumper, when she came back Larissa grabbed a pillow and tucked it under her arm and grabbed the throw at the end of the bed. Turning off the large light and leaving on the lamp she paced to the doorway and turned around. "You think you will be ok?" She asked. "Where are you going?" I wondered. “I’m just going to sleep on the futon in the office.” She said as if I was supposed to know that. “No you’re not, you’re sleeping in your bed, I- I’m… not going to allow you to sleep elsewhere in your own home, otherwise I’m just going to leave, unless you want me to sleep out there.” I expressed. Larissa walked back towards the other side of the bed and threw the pillow and blanket back in place and ungraciously fell into bed. I sat up and pulled the covers over myself and her, I practically just tucked her in, making sure she had enough blanket and pulled it up and over her chest leaving her arm out, she was laying in her side facing me and eyeing my movements, curious, she thought.

In all honesty it’s been a very long time since I’ve consumed so much alcohol, I’m glad I don’t feel sick, a part of me is greatfull that I have an excuse to stay but another part is still trying to retreat. Don’t get too close, she will dispose of you, you know what happened last time Violet. Apart of me vaguely thought. Larissa was cautiously watching me as my brows came together in a distasteful manner she wondered what I was thinking, but failed to ask. I rolled over to turn off the lamp beside me and got comfortable again in my original position laying on my side to face her.

Mindlessly I reach for the hem of her satin sleeve on Larissa exposed arm, playing with it for a while I push it upward to reveal her freckled arms again, I can still see them, so clear, so golden in the silver moonlight. The domesticity of how uncannily stunning just one little part of her is, just about bring tears to my eyes. I trace over them again raising goosebumps to the surface of her skin, once I’d had enough and my arm was burning I let myself steal a glance at her, only to find Larissa had already been gazing at me. Feeling the blood rush to my face I went to turn over, however she stopped me from doing so by grasping my shoulder.

It wasn’t just me admiring, Larissa had watched the entire time I was kindly examining, she’s not sure why, but when I’m near her she can’t help but feel so secure, so safe, so… cared for. When she grasped my shoulder to stop me from rolling over, her fingers involuntarily gripped harder to feel the muscle she didn’t acquire, when she found herself doing it Larissa revoked her hand. Her hair is what I focused on, not wanting to hold eye contact, it’s the same colour as the moon itself, just as bright, just as alluring, I stretched out to move the loose bit of hair around her forehead and continued the path all the way to the end of her braid.

What surprised me was that she did exactly the same to me, brushing the bits of hair that had fallen from my ponytail out of my eyes and behind my ear. This time, I looked at her, I really looked at her, taking in every single detail of her face, every line and wrinkle, her eyes. I wish I could see her without makeup. She still adorned makeup but didn’t have her lipstick on, the red stain is what’s left. Larissa let me grab her cheek and stroke it, I ever so slightly brushed my thumb over her cheekbone caressing it carefully almost as if I would hurt her. “I’m scared, I’m so scared.” I said as a breathless whisper. Larissa stayed silent but I could see her wordlessly asking me to elaborate, I shouldn’t have let that out, she doesn’t understand what I mean, I hope she doesn’t, I don’t want her to.

Larissa’s eyes scanned over my features again and she let out a shaky exhale. “I know.” She said, well then. I closed my eyes and moved closer to rest my forehead against hers. Still stroking her face I jutted my chin forward slowly, only a strand of hair widths away from her lips, our breaths deep and thorough. I pulled away to ask permission, Larissa opens her eyes and nodded knowing what I wanted to ask. I leaned back in brushing her lips with my own, she didn’t hold her breath and embraced the moment, both of us letting it happen, Violet… Larissa had grasped my waist trying to pull me closer but I arched my back trying to move away from her touch. Stop now. I did everything to keep that fucking voice at bay, I want this, she seems to want this but I can’t do it. Kissing Larissa was the best experience, the softness of her lips, the alcohol I could taste, she was my every sense, touch, taste, smell, even with my eyes closed I could see her, hear her.

VIOLET STOP. Larissa’s hand just landed on my hip before I ripped away from her completely. I rolled over trying to catch my breath, guilt came gnawing, I squeezed my eyes shut so hard the insides of my eye lids became kaleidoscopic, Larissa was confused, had she done something wrong? Did i not want this? For a while she say laying in the same position just staring at my back, the way she felt so uneasy as to what to do now, does she leave? Does she stay? Her internal questioning was put to a slow when I reached behind me and found her hand, I intertwined our fingers and pulled her arm to wrap under my elbow.

Larissa let out a breath that ghosted over my neck and shoulder, releasing the pent up adrenaline. The longer we stayed there the more I let myself melt into her touch, my back against her front, the sound of her heartbeat. I wish I hadn’t done what I did, but I also know it was the right thing to do. Safe to say the both of us are snapped back to sober at this point and with the alcohol wearing off it won’t take long for sleep to overtake me.

In many, many years this will be the first time I go to bed and I’m not alone, I don’t need a pillow to give the support that isn’t enough, I don’t need back round noise to interject the raging thoughts and loneliness. I have her, I have Larissa, this may be the last time but I know to cherish every fucking second whether I’m in the waking world or not. Her embrace is comforting and gentle, her touch is soft and soothing, as of now I’m going to let myself succumb to sleep and work out what’s going on tomorrow. Once Larissa knew I was asleep she placed a kiss to my shoulder and whispered.

‘goodnight sweetheart.’

@lex13cm @im-a-carnivorous-plant @barbarasstar @giogwensversion @sabraaabra @readingtheentrails

#gwendoline christie #larissa weems #principle weems #wednesday #larissa weems x y/n #larissa x reader #gwenchrist(ie)#wlw fanfic #larissa weems x reader

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theslay3d · 2 years

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Apollo x goddess/immortal wife reader? Maybe like them just spending some quality time together with all his kids and then he tells her that like he wouldn’t mind having kids with her whether it be soon or in the far off future? Just tooth rotting fluff cause I do NOT see enough Apollo content out there tbh

Apollo x Female!Reader

Gender:wrote it with female in mind but can probably be like anything??? idk

Warnings: none

Word count: 623

A/N hiii i hope you like it!! and yes omg there's like no Apollo content sadly. also may have spelling mistakes

You finished putting on all your jewelry and sighed as you saw that Apollo wasn't ready yet. Yes you could snap your fingers and be done or have people help you with everything but for some reason you and Apollo enjoyed the simplicity of getting ready.

“We have to leave soon”

Apollo sighed dramatically as he fixed his hair. “I know I know give me 5 minutes” He flashed a smile at you and continued.

You laughed and double checked you looked okay in the mirror. You both were going to have some time with his kids. Ever since he came back from being a mortal again it seemed he was more keen on visiting his kids.

Even though you did mind how many kids he had, it was in the past. Some you didn't know about until he came back from being mortal which left you giving him the silent treatment for a few months. Others…let's just say you both enjoy the company of mortals together sometimes.

You snapped out of your thoughts as Apollo grabbed your shoulder. You smiled at him and said “Ready?” He nodded and you both glowed as you teleported to the cafe you would be at with his kids. Only a few could come this time as the others were busy.

You teleported a little bit further away from the cafe so you could walk a little bit. After a few minutes of walking you spotted the two children you would be seeing today. Will and Kayla.

You've met them a few times and have talked before.

You finally made it to the table and sat down. Apollo awkwardly hugged his two children which made you laugh a little under your breath. Apollo must have heard you which made him glare at you. You let out another laugh but stopped to greet Will and Kayla.

“Hello children. How have you both been?”

They both said they have been good and that nothing super crazy has happened at camp which they were thankful for.

After taking a sip from the drink you ordered you asked Will. “So Will how’s Nico?”

Will seemed to glow a little bit from where he was sitting but he cleared his throat and said. “He's good”

You turned to smile at Apollo. You liked the little Hades kid. He seemed good for Will and you liked them together. Apollo smiled back at you but seemed to be thinking about something.

After a few minutes you all ordered food and ate it with only some talking. You and Apollo both liked doing this with his kids. It was a good time and always funny.

After you all ordered dessert and ate that too Will and Kayla said that they had to leave. They couldn't be away from camp too long. You and Apollo both said goodbye and he gave them some gifts for them and for some of their siblings.

You both sat back down after they left. “Can we order more dessert?” You asked Apollo. He laughed and said yes.

You ordered it and then got it a few minutes later. You started to eat it slowly as you looked all around. So many mortals everywhere. You liked visiting the mortals though. A nice break from some of the other gods.

Apollo put his arm around your shoulder and you smiled at him. “You know i wouldn't mind having kids with you one day” He spoke up hesitantly.

You turned to look at him quickly. “Really?”

He nodded and you leaned in to kiss him. “I would love to have kids with you one day” You said as you broke apart and leaned into him again.

He kissed the top of your head.

#apollo x reader #apollo x you #percy jackson fanfiction #greek gods x reader #percy jackson greek gods #apollo #percy jackson #greek mythology #apollo fanfiction #trials of apollo #trials of apollo x reader

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lucygriefer · 2 months

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Apothecary Nightmare design

I've been listening to the Apothecary diaries anime dub and was inspired to make this idea. Enjoy. The original Dreamtale creator is Jokublog

This AU idea was inspired to me by "The Apothecary Diaries". There's a good bit of text explaining the AU as I want to leave myself some notes and ideas (Some that may be scrapped some changed who knows right now).

In this AU Dream and Nightmare are both heirs to the Floral Empire. Nightmare having more of a chance to take over as he was the first born. Nim having been killed when her sons were 4 by assignation via a slow acting poison. So she and the food taster didn't survive. Being picky eaters Dream and Nightmare were saved from the same fate. Nightmare wasn't as liked but no one really cared. Till the twins turned 5 Dream was about to be cursed by someone, but Nightmare pushed him out of the way and became corrupted. After that almost everyone of the empire secretly turned on him. The two not knowing till the two turned 6.

A group kidnapped Nightmare in the night. Placing special made restraints that are normally used for prisoners awaiting trial. To weaken his magic and prevent him from using his tentacles. They were cruel and gave him extremely heavy restraints despite how small he was. He never learned the true weight and simply guesses that they are possibly 60 pounds. They kept him drugged and carried him far away, wanting to sell him for a high profit. Only for an avalanche in the snowy mountains to happen and take their lives, with only Nightmare surviving.

When Nightmare finally awake he couldn't return home as he does not know how to return home. So he traveled. Trying to find help. During so he broke his crown and started hiding it around his neck under the metal collar not wanting to lose his crown.

Eventually finding a village and being taken in by some women who works in a brothel. Being raised by them while also becoming an apothecary. Working with poison and finding cures to them. Doing this for 16 years and seeing the women of the brothel as step parents. Eventually at the age of 22 he was kidnapped again and sold as a servant to the X empire.

One day he learned about two of the heirs having been sick and concluded that it was poison. So he left a written note to warn them and went on with his day not wanting to be seen as anything that important.

This caught the interest of Cross and his concubine (Killer, Dust, and Horror). So Cross worked to find who it was that saved his children Arch and Mo (Mochi just without the chi part). When they found out it was Nightmare and learned of his skills as an apothecary, he moved him up to poison taste tester, and is waiting to make him his fourth concubine. Being made into a concubine is a high honor. A tradition in Cross' family is to have 4 concubine. For now Nightmare is not a concubine and won't be for another year or two. As Cross wants Nightmare to get use to them all. They also don't know of Nightmare’s royal background.

I won't have Nightmare and Dream reunite for a while. There are also other empires that I'll be adding later. I'll be making artwork of all the other characters later, as I do wish to make some short comics with this idea. Also the restraint design might change, I'm still trying to figure out how it'll look. I might also change Nightmare's clothing design idk at the moment. So look forward to seeing Apothecary AU designs of Cross, Horror, Killer, Dust, Error, and others.

Pffh XD I just noticed this. The Nightmare in the corner eating a piece of sushi testing for poison. I accidentally drew the missing pinky tip on the wrong hand XD . I drew it on his right hand instead of left XD

#digital art #fanart #character design #dreamtale au #dreamtale nightmare #nightmare sans #apothecary au #dreamtale #undertale au #undertale fandom #corrupt nightmare sans #au #undertale #reblog if you want

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psychelis-new · 2 years

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pick a pile: "From the Universe to you: your next gift/s"

take a breath and choose the photo/number that calls you the most to read a brief description of what positive news/experiences and gifts may be on your way. there will be short messages in each pile about any type of blessing coming in. each pile may bring only one gift (idk yet) so if you feel called by more piles, good for you!

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4 5 6

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pile 1

Your main gift is self love. You'll be more able to see your worth, and how valuable is all that you have done and still do everyday in your life, not just for others but for yourself as well. You'll realize how far you went in your life, how much you grew (especially emotionally), how balanced you are. You'll see your strenght. Some of you are already on this path, others will embrace this calm, safe, confident energy soon. You will start giving yourself more, in means of time and self care: time to do things you enjoy, to follow your hobbies (esp. creative ones), to take care of your mental health and of your body (take it as resonates for you: from long baths and body lotions/spa days, to exercising/yoga and healthy eating). You'll grow even more into you power. Water is very important, either in its first meaning or as emotions/passions. Whatever it is more (I guess a mix of the two), you'll get more in touch with who yuo are and what you love, you'll know yourself deeper and better, and you'll love it. and this will help you also for your other relationships (also those that will probably come later on).

song: give me love | ed sheeran

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pile 2

Your main gift is about determination and change. You'll become more positive about yourself and your abilities, you'll believe more in what you do or simply, you'll start trying to see the world from a better perspective in order to attract better things for yourself (some of you may have already started). And it'll work. there's no use in staying sad and blaming for what you lack: try your best to give it yourself. So you'll change your situation, after having healed this mental situation: your positive outlook, your ability to learn and not give you, will help you reach whatever goal you set in your sight. Most of them, or better, for the most of you, it's gonna be studies and career: you'll be ablet to top your exams and tests, and to start the career of your dreams. If you still haven't got an idea of what it may be, you'll have it all of a sudden (maybe even through a dream) once you'll start waking up with a smile on your face and be more open about what you may gain everyday, instead of what you haven't got (yet). Don't close off to all the abundance is waiting for you: just because you cannot see it or you cannot see signs of it, it doesn't mean it'll never reach you. Be patient.

song: leave the door open | anderson paak, bruno mars, silk sonic

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pile 3

Your gift is about closing with a chapter of your past. Could be a trauma related to your childhood that is haunting you these days (especially if related to a feminine energy, either yours being restricted or another, trying to control you or manipulate you in whatever way). You'll reach this closure point slowly, but it'll be probably once and for all (at least for most of you. Others will have to deal with some triggers still, but nothing as before: ofc we're all different, it could even mean that some of you will be able to move away from this energy -esp. if it's another person- and free themselves and heal/start again "faster" than others). There's confidence and calmness around you: it's different from what you have experienced or the anxiety that still causes you this trauma. It feels as someone looking at old photos but feeling distant from them. Not necessarily missing those days. For some it could mean a closure with someone from their past, but not in a bad way: feels more like some guilt trauma for how things ended or not having had the chance to really say goodbye (could be about someone who left this world too). Nostalgic feelings but with no sadness, just the pleasure of the memory. And realizing it's just a memory (good too, for many).

song: portrait | bang yongguk (no lyrics, feels really like there's no need to add words)

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pile 4

Opposite to pile 3, your gift seems the start of a new chapter involving love and light. I heard "enlightment". For some it can be a spiritual awakening or the start of a new chapter in your spirituality. For others of you it's connected to feeling more free and finding a new love (possibly your divine counterpart). It can even refer to freeing from a mentality or a person that has enclosed your thoughts for too long, someone controlling you or telling you how to act or think. It could mean finding your people (in particular, your person): those who won't judge you for who you really are at your core. Someone that balance you out perfectly, that gives you happiness and that you can build something long lasting with. For some, it's indeed about your destined person/future spouse. For others, especially those already in a relationship, could be a friend; for others again, it could be a a new job partner (you may start a business with someone new, and for some of you they could also become your romantic interest) or a mentor... despite I feel this last one a little less. All in all, it's a total new chapter in your life. and a pretty happy and adventurous one, in which you'll get the chance to be in control, to stand out and stand up for yourself (and maybe even a community), to be seen and appreciated, to shine bright as you're supposed to. For a few of you, you may be getting infos or downloads/dreams (esp. confirmations) about your divine counterpart before they'll come in your life.

song: the end | jpolnd

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pile 5

Your gift is a huge surprise. You know how kids (but not just them) may shake gift boxes to try to understand what's inside? Yeah, that's the feeling. You may have an idea, but you're not sure yet. Still, you're hyped. And for a good reason. I think change is part of the gifts inside your box. And I mean a change similar to pile 2 (angel number 55): about you being more confident, more positive... but differently from that pile, it seems you are already there cause you're already hyped about what's coming. I feel it's about one or (maybe) more of your manifestations. It's about realizing that you have nothing to worry cause the Universe has your back, and no matter what seems to be going wrong, this is not supposed to last for long. It's about you balancing your emotional side, your fears, not being afraid of taking a look inside in the darkest part of yourself while still mantaining a positive attitude: you're not affected by that anymore. You know we're made both of dark and light, so you accept both of your sides equally. It's not that you hang on toxic positivity/neglect your fears, you confront it and don't let it take over you anymore by giving space to hope. I think some of you may be trying to manifest your lover (mirror energy) or a close friendship: you will make it. As for others.. your box could totally have any dream you're trying to manifest in your life, it really depends on your biggest wishes (even this inner balance). As I said, "huge surprise".

song: brown | kyle dion (18+ message here)

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pile 6

Your gift may not be coming very soon or is "in the making" atm. It may also be because you're not clear about what you really want? Or probably... yeah it could also come unexpectedly. Some of you may be reconnecting with people (or a person) from your past or move to a location that reminds you of good times in your childhood (for those who move away from your hometown/country, it could be about coming back). For others it could be the opposite: travelling abroad, travelling away and "fighting" a fear or an issue that kinda kept them stuck in a place (it could also be something mental/online, it doesn't have to be a physical travel for everyone). It seems a chance you may get about learning something or sharing your knowledge on a subject with others (for some it could be related to this past-person or a karmic cycle). It's totally an offer from the Universe, and it's up to you to accept it or not: accepting it, you may need to face some of your fears and insecurities, and possibly go against some of your "old" beliefs. But if you want to get something, you need to give something away too.. right? It could be something you may have wished for a long time but you didn't really focused on the practical part of it: it is probably time to do so and get ready to answer to this gift/offer without too much paranoia and insecurities. So what do you really want? And what are you ready to give away/do in order to get it? Anyway, huge stress on this past person (could be an ex) coming back and a lesson related to them from which to learn and decide what to do. And/or opening your mind/others' minds in some ways thanks to your newly acquired knowledge.

songs: cardigan | taylor swift; nowhere fast | ateller (yes you got two songs, don't tell others)

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