#may i offer you a relatable jisung in these trying times

[mybodyfails]

[starlightkun]

❧ teaser word count: 973 | full fic: 26.0k ❧ genre: angst, fluff, paranormal/supernatural au, ghost!jisung ❧ warnings: mentions of death, prominent side character dies early in the fic, depictions of grieving, family member of the reader is sick (it’s dementia-like, though the disease is never named in the fic), family tension/drama (reader has some family members that are not very nice to her), reader has some sleep/physical health issues at one point, reader is just really going through it in this fic for a while ❧ extra info: the reader’s mom in this has early-onset memory issues; i didn’t name a specific disease because im not a medical expert of any kind and didn’t want to misrepresent any real-life illness in this fic. i combined both my own experiences with my own family members who have had these kinds of illnesses and some research, but i am not an expert and the representation in this fic may not be entirely accurate! ❧ estimated release date: saturday, august 24, 2024 3:00 p.m. eastern time

Crying at a wake was normal. Encouraged even. But you weren’t amongst loved ones, remembering someone you’d lost. You were alone, sitting at the top of the stairs in the dark, crying into your arms to muffle your sobs as you tried to compose yourself from the confrontation you’d just survived. Barely. Your hands were balled into fists to keep them from shaking.

“Are you okay?” A quiet voice caught your attention, gentle, then hushed as he seemed to be speaking to himself, “Why are you asking that? Stupid, stupid.”

You picked your head up out of your arms, quickly wiping the tears that had been streaming down your cheeks as you spotted a young man at the bottom of the stairs. He had dark hair and was dressed in a pair of black pants, a white shirt, and what looked like a black cardigan over the shirt. You didn’t recognize him from the wake, but you hadn’t greeted everyone, nor did you know all the mourners personally. Many were either family friends of your stepdad’s from before he met your mother, old colleagues, or distant relations.

Sniffling and trying to right your clothes, you offered him as much of a smile you could muster, “I’m sorry, it’s uhm, been a long day.”

He froze, his eyes locking on yours and going wide. The man looked behind him, as if expecting you to have been addressing somebody else, and upon seeing an empty hallway, he turned back to you and hesitantly replied, “That’s… okay. Are you alright?”

“Oh, as alright as I can be, I suppose,” you admitted, dabbing at your eyes with your sleeve again. You weren’t sure why you were telling this random man that, but he had spotted you sobbing at a wake, so there wasn’t much of a point in covering that fact up. “Were you looking for the bathroom or…?”

“No, just stretching my legs.” He pushed his hands into the pockets of his cardigan. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” You nodded. “I don’t think I saw you at the funeral. How did you know my stepdad? Family friend?”

“Yeah, I was around when his kids were growing up.”

“Oh, are you a childhood friend of his sons or something?”

“Friend is a stretch, I think,” he chuckled.

You couldn’t help but laugh bitterly as well, adding a polite but hollow, “I’m sure they appreciate you coming out to pay your respects.”

As he shifted on his feet, the shadows on his face lessened, letting you see his features better. You furrowed your brow with interest.

“How old are you? I mean—You don’t look older than me, you must’ve been much younger than them growing up.”

“I-I mean, we weren’t very close,” he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Feeling bad about putting him on the spot in this sort of scenario, you offered him a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that. I didn’t grow up with my stepbrothers, so I guess it’s a bit hard for me to imagine them having friends—Oh!”

As soon as the words were out of your mouth, you slapped a hand over it, wishing you hadn’t said them, especially not to some stranger, who for all you know could turn right around and repeat it to your stepbrothers. That would be the last thing you needed, to give them another reason to hate you, and by extension, your mother.

“That didn’t come out right!” You desperately tried to backpedal, holding your hands out in front of you. “I-I meant that I haven’t met a lot of their friends, since our parents got together later in life, and—”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he reassured you calmly, taking a couple hesitant steps up the stairs. You scooted over to make room for him to sit next to you on the top step. He pressed himself against the banister, leaving plenty of space between you two. “I didn’t mean to, but I heard some of what they said to you in the kitchen.”

“I would normally be upset at you for eavesdropping, but I’m kind of glad that somebody else heard some of the shit they said to me this time,” you chuckled cynically.

“‘This time?’” He repeated questioningly. “Are they always like that to you?”

“I don’t see them that often. I think the first time I met the middle son was at the wedding, actually,” you said. “They started spending more holidays with their mom instead of Hyukjun when my mom… after her diagnosis.”

“Oh.”

“God, sorry, you don’t need to be hearing all this shit.” You shook your head at yourself. “I mean, I don’t even know your name.”

“I’m Jisung.”

“Y/N.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s true. You and your mom are his family, too.”

You messed with the sleeves of your shirt as you stared at the bottom step, gnawing on your bottom lip, ignoring the metallic taste of blood when you broke skin. Finally, once you’d swallowed down the lump in your throat, you replied with a tight, “Thanks. And I mean, I understand why they would be upset. Their dad just died and two people who are essentially strangers to them are now living in their childhood home. Of course they feel weird about it.”

“That’s... gracious.”

“It’s true. And like I said, their dad died, they deserve some grace.” From elsewhere in the house, you could hear your mom calling your name, and immediately jumped to your feet. “Sorry, I’ve got to go.”

“I understand.” Jisung nodded to you. “It was nice talking to you, Y/N.”

“Yeah, you too. Thanks for listening, Jisung.” You waved to him over your shoulder as you rushed down the stairs and off in the direction of your mother’s voice.

⤷ masterlist

[farfromsugafanfic]

SKZ MTL Fall In Love At First Sight

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

Most

Felix Jisung Hyunjin Changbin Chan Jeongin Minho Seungmin

Least

Felix and Jisung fall fast. Felix would probably recognize it right away and--depending on how he felt that day--may strike up a conversation and offer to buy a coffee. If he's busy or gets shy, he'll keep coming to the same place hoping to see his love again. Jisung would be in denial and probably assume it's just attraction, but if he continues to see them regularly, he will realize it's more than attraction and would suddenly become shy.'

Hyunjin, Changbin, and Chan all have romantic streaks. Hyunjin likes the idea of love at first sight, but ultimately doesn't exist until it happens to him. All of the art he produces from then on is in some way related to his love. Changbin knows who and what he likes nearly immediately. Therefore, it doesn't really surprise him when he realizes you're the one. But, he is going to try and talk himself out of it because what if he isn't the one for you? As the feeling continues to nag him, he'll eventually do something about it. Similarly, Chan will take an extremely logical approach at first. He'll probably flirt and be comfortable in his attraction, but the feelings and emotions scare him. It will take him some time to fully work them out for himself and only then will he pursue anything serious.

Jeongin and Minho feel like the types to fall for a friend. This isn't a strict rule, but is probably most likely. However, that doesn't mean love at first sight isn't possible for them. Jeongin will likely sit in denial for a while--perhaps even weeks or months--but looking back he'll realize he loved you from the moment you met. Minho--while I think it's unlikely he feels true emotional love at first sight--if he does, it will absolutely scare the living shit out of him. He might even have you thinking that he hates you because he goes out of his way to avoid you or push you away. It's only when you corner and confront him that the truth comes out.

It feels obvious that Seungmin is unlikely to fall in love at first sight. That's not to say he isn't a romantic, but he is picky about the people in his life in a way that is not obvious during a first meeting or just by locking eyes. If it does happen though, it will be obvious to everyone BUT Seungmin. He'll treat you like an absolute monarch and completely charm you without trying.

[blossom-hwa]

Worn-Out Soles [2] | b.c

pairing: Chan x fem!reader genre: fluff, angst, fantasy, royalty!au warnings: kidnapping, injury, death word count: 12.1k notes: — this is a retelling of the 12 dancing princesses :) inspiration taken from the original fairy tale, the Barbie movie, and the retelling by Jessica Day George, Princess of the Midnight Ball. — mc in this story has multiple sisters as befitting the original fairy tale, but they are not blood-related for inclusivity reasons. In a world where magic lies in the arts, you are a princess of Terpsichani, the kingdom whose power comes from dance. Loved by many, you care for your country deeply, though in truth your heart only belongs to the palace's royal cobbler, Chan, who holds equal affection for you in return. It's a love that could never be, you both know, though it doesn't stop you from pining. But then you go missing on the final night of your kingdom's Moonlight Festival, leaving behind nothing but the memories of a final dance. When your sister brings news of your disappearance to Chan's doorstep, there's only one thing he can do. Follow you into the depths of hell to bring you back—or die trying. Part 1 >> Part 2 >> Part 3

To Spin a Yarn | Stray Kids Masterlist

The day after the Moonlight Festival, Chan finds himself up at the crack of dawn, restless and anxious when he should still be asleep. Last night was long, after all—after you bid him goodbye, he went to find his apprentices, who danced up and down the streets for hours before they tired enough to return home. 

He went home before them, actually. He tried to enjoy himself the way you told him to, so he forced himself to stay out for a few more hours before he decided he was too tired to continue and left. But if he was tired, he would’ve been able to sleep. He barely got a few hours of that before he woke again, and again, and again. 

It’s stupid, he’s certain. The Kereseian king wouldn’t do anything to you, not when he is a guest in your country. You said you would be fine and he should trust you. But for some reason, he keeps replaying that last moment over and over again. 

“I will be all right. Really.”

Your words were so certain, so strong. He almost believed you. But he knows how you feel about the Kereseian delegation, saw the trepidation in your eyes about their arrival that you tried to hide. You did a good job of hiding it, but when you bid him goodnight, all Chan could see was that fear. 

He hopes you’re all right. 

The sun rises. Jisung and Felix awaken a few hours later, bags under their eyes from the long night out, and Chan does his best to hide his worry as he brings them tea and toast. Chan gives them the day off to recover and disappears into his workroom to try and get some things done. He can’t focus, though, so by the time evening has begun to set, he gives up and returns to the main room, where his apprentices are starting dinner. Their banter echoes off the walls as he comes in. It makes him smile a little. 

Then a knock sounds at the door. 

Jisung’s voice peters out from the kitchen. The two of them poke their heads into the main room, where Chan is also staring at the door. “Are we expecting anyone?” Felix asks. 

Chan shakes his head. “Not to my knowledge.”

The knock comes again, louder this time. Faster, too. Frowning, Chan swings the door open and blinks. 

“…Your Highness?”

Princess Yeji stands in front of the door, covered head to toe in a large, brown cloak. Her eyes peek out from beneath the hood and in them Chan sees a desperation reflected in his own. “Chan,” she greets, short and trembling. “May I come in?”

. . .

Chan leads the princess inside. Felix dashes back into the kitchen, mumbling something about tea, and Jisung dithers in the doorway before following his fellow apprentice. Yeji sits down on one of the chairs Chan offers and he takes the other, trying not to show how hard his heart is beating in his chest. 

“My sister is missing,” Yeji begins without preamble. 

Missing. The word echoes off the walls of Chan’s skull, over and over and over again until all he can hear is that one word.

“…What?” 

“She’s missing,” Yeji repeats.

Flames of hell. Chan’s head starts spinning. 

“She didn’t come back last night. They say they don’t know who took her, but I know. It was Kereseia.” Yeji’s lips twist. “I don’t have proof—I  couldn’t give you anything concrete, I’m sorry—but if you saw the way the king was looking at her for the entire festival, how he spoke to her every time they met—” Her voice cracks and all of her composure shatters, leaving her face in her hands. 

Automatically Chan reaches out a hand towards her shoulder before a voice reminds him she’s a princess! and he draws back. She is a princess, and he’s just her cobbler, but when Yeji heaves a dry, angry sob, he throws caution to the wind and places his palm against the cloak, patting her shoulder softly. 

Felix comes puttering in quietly, Jisung not far behind. They place down tea, sugar, and spoons, then quickly disappear once more. As Yeji pulls herself back together, Chan pours the tea and extends her one of the mugs. The thick ceramic looks somewhat out of place between her delicate fingers but she accepts it with grace anyway. 

“It was Kereseia,” she says again, unwavering. “I know it.”

Chan’s memory flashes to the one time he saw the Kereseian king, when he came to take you at the end of the dances Chan shared with you. White clothing patterned with red that reminded him of blood, but not more than the cruel look in the prince’s eyes and the sharp smile on his lips as he led you away, hand clutching yours with far more strength than necessary. 

He nearly curses. He never should have let you go—should’ve fought, should’ve said something—

In the present, Chan forces down those thoughts and clenches his own hand, only letting it go when he meets Yeji’s eyes again. “I believe you,” he says quietly.

Her face crumples with relief. “Thank all the stars,” she breathes. “No one else believes me. Or they do, but they say not to point fingers when there is no proof.”

“I was with her when he came,” Chan admits, heart aching when Yeji’s eyes go wide. “She—I—we had been dancing for a while. I was just about to escort her back to the palace. But he—the Kereseian king—he came, and he said he would take her back, and she kept telling me to go, that she would be fine…” Guilt and anger clog his throat, and he can say no more. 

Yeji takes his hand this time, squeezing it gently. “It wasn’t your fault,” she says, with so much certainty that Chan can’t help but almost believe her. “I know my sister; she wouldn’t have let you come. For your own safety. And I’m sure she wouldn’t have expected…”

Silence falls between the two of them, neither knowing what to say. 

Eventually, Chan speaks. “Who do they think did it, if not for Kereseia?” 

“I don’t know,” Yeji says. “But that’s why I came.” She looks him dead in the eye. “Please, Chan. Find her for us.”

Chan blinks once. Twice. Nearly laughs, but Yeji’s incredibly serious expression tears the potential humor out of his chest. 

“Me?”

“Yes.” She swallows. “And I—I do not ask this lightly. If I wasn’t currently being kept under lock and key with the rest of my sisters all hours of the day, I’d do it myself.” 

She would. Chan doesn’t know Yeji as well as he knows you, but he does know she’s one of the strongest and most stubborn of the sisters. 

Which means she must be truly desperate if she’s come to him for help. 

“I’m only here now because my sisters are distracting the guards. I’ll have to return soon.” Her eyes flicker over to the clock in the corner of the room, then back to him. “But—Chan. You wouldn’t have heard, but my father is to issue a proclamation to our land and others. Our military will continue to search for Y/N, but should anyone find her, they will be rewarded with her hand in marriage.” Yeji’s lip curls just as Chan’s heart twists. “I expect there will eager adventurers showing up at our gates soon, claiming they will try their own hand. None of them care for her. None of them want her back safely. And I don’t trust a single one of them to succeed.”

Chan tamps down a wave of jealousy and anger. “So why do you think I will?” he asks, voice barely steady. 

“Because you care. Because you know who we face. And because you would want her back safely, for her own sake and no one else’s.” Yeji swallows hard. “I know I ask much of you, perhaps for you to risk or even give your own life. But you—my sisters and I, we may not know you as well as Y/N does, but to us, you are…safe. We trust you.” A tiny smile curves her lips. “You should know that when we first found out she was missing, Yuna asked me if you would find Y/N. You were her the first one she trusted.”

He almost smiles, his heart rising for a moment before it drops back into his stomach. “Your Highness, you honor me. But I’m just a cobbler. ”

“Chan.” Yeji puts her mug of tea down before fixing Chan in her gaze once more. “I don’t know who can bring Y/N back. I don’t know if she will ever come back. But you are the one I trust most to try.” She smiles a little, again. “And truth be told, I would prefer you as my brother in law over any of the other young, undeserving adventurers who might try to claim my sister’s hand without her heart.”

Chan’s heart thuds painfully in his chest. Every piece of him that cried with despair at the knowledge you had gone missing craves to listen to Yeji’s words, to throw caution to the wind and make for Kereseia as soon as he can to drag you from the kingdom’s depths. But a saner, perhaps more cowardly part of him advises caution, advises restraint—he could die doing this. And what of Jisung and Felix, then? What will they do in his absence?

But you’re missing. Possibly hurt. Taken by a king who has nothing human in him, who comes from a kingdom described only as having been borne from the depths of hell. 

How could he stand to do nothing in the face of that?

���I will go,” he says quietly. Yeji’s eyes crack in relief, but he holds up a hand. “On one condition. I ask that someone watch over my apprentices when I am gone—keep them fed during a time when our business will be low and I am not around to manage things.”

“Done,” Yeji says immediately. “They will be well cared for.” Her face, pale and tight, shifts to the clock and back to him. “I must go now—the guards will start looking for me soon. My horse is outside. Please take him for your journey.”

“Hurry back, and be safe,” Chan replies, standing up. “And please know…” He swallows hard, his heart thumping with anxious resolve. “Your Highness, I will do all that I can to bring her back.”

This time, a real smile graces Yeji’s face when she looks at him—briefly, only for a moment, but Chan takes that smile and presses it into his mind, a reminder of the unbelievable faith she is bestowing on him to take on this terrible quest. “I know, Chan,” she says quietly. “You have my trust.”

. . . . .

Kereseia is at once exactly what you expected, and nothing you could ever have dreamed of. 

Granted, you haven’t seen anything but the palace in which you’ve been imprisoned. Your door is locked from the outside, only opened when someone appears to bring you a meal, and your repeated requests to leave—if your initial screams can even be called that—are left unheard. But your rooms, and the few sights you saw as you were dragged to it, provide enough of a case study that only cement your conviction that this place is truly a kingdom of hell. 

Black marble lines the floors, lanterns burning in sconces at regular intervals along cold stone walls. There were no windows in the hall they dragged you down and you wonder if there are any at all in the palace—if the inhabitants cannot see the light of day, then what is the point? Your rooms have none—not a single one. The walls are hung with the same lanterns you saw in the halls, orange light flickering and casting strange shadows on the dark marble floors. Crystal glints from the ceiling, hung in chandeliers that glitter coldly in the firelight, and the smooth silk sheets that cover the massive bed give you chills even as you wrap them around you for a semblance of warmth. 

It's cold. So cold. In the back of your mind, you’d always thought of hell as some place blisteringly hot, full of fire and the smell of burning flesh. But here everything is cold, from the sheets to the walls to even the fire that burns in the lanterns—when you stretched a shaking hand to the one hanging above the bed, hoping for even a sliver of warmth, even though a bright orange flame burned in the center, the glass walls were cold as ice. And somehow, it fits together even more than the hot hellfire you’d put together in your imagination—hell as the absence of warmth and light, the things that keep the living alive.

And now it’s going to kill you.

Shivering, you pull the sheets closer around you, shivering as a cold area hits your cheek. You haven’t cried yet, though you half expected to—shock, you think. It’s all still hitting you and you don’t want to believe it. All you’ve done is sit here and shiver for what has probably been hours. Part of you can’t believe you’ve been sitting here for so long. The other part of you feels like you’ve been here forever. 

You’re still staring into oblivion when a click sounds at the door. You almost stop breathing, eyes trained on the dark wood. Logically, you know the king won’t kill you. That he still needs you for his—disgusting master plan or whatever, to have a child who can walk in the sun. Until then, you should be physically safe. But irrational fear closes your throat at the sound and you have to force yourself not to wrap the blankets more tightly around you as the door swings open.

It's not the king, which releases some of the breath from your chest. But one by one, three servants enter the room, heads bowed, each dressed in the same black silk that covers your bed. Like a little funeral procession. 

The door shuts with a click and a thud. You imagine the scene must look at least a little bit comical to an outsider—three servants standing in an unbroken line before the bed where you sit wrapped in sheets, trembling, nothing like the princess you’re supposed to be. 

“Your Highness,” one of them finally says, bowing slightly. “We’ve come to ready you for the evening meal.”

Evening meal. Your stomach churns. You’ve never felt less hungry in your life. “I’m not hungry.”

She bows again. “His Majesty said you were to be there.”

You set your jaw. “And if I refuse?”

She doesn’t respond. None of them do. All they do is bow again, then leave single file, the same little funeral procession.

You blink. You’re not naïve enough to believe you won this battle, but you have no idea what’s coming next. Will there be armed guards? Will they force you to dress? What will the king do to have you with him at his banquet table?

You don’t have to wait long to find out. Only a few minutes later does the door swing open again, your heart leaping into your throat as the king himself steps into your quarters.

“Your Highness,” he says smoothly, no indication of how he’s feeling about your tentative transgression in his voice. “I hear you don’t wish to join me and my court for the evening meal.”

Something tells you he’s waiting for a reply, but you won’t speak. Can’t, really. Your heart still feels like it’s clogging your throat. So you say nothing.

“We prepared so much for you, too.” He comes closer and you fight the urge to shrink back. “So many festivities, to honor the arrival of our soon to be queen. Will you not even grace us for a moment with your presence?”

A chill runs up your spine as his gaze bores into yours. “I am not hungry,” you say quietly. “I am not feeling well.”

“No wonder,” he replies, and suddenly his face is in yours, one cold finger touching the skin beneath your eyes. You jerk away, but not before the chill of his skin ripples across your face. “Why, it looks like you haven’t slept a wink since you arrived. Are your quarters not to your liking?”

“They are fine,” you reply, forcing down the snarl in your throat. 

“Then what could be ailing you, Your Highness?” His eyes glint with amusement and you want to slap him for it. “If you need help sleeping, I could send a physician to help you. They would not dare refuse, as you are to be my wife, and my queen.”

He’s smirking. He kidnapped you from your own homeland, dragged you here, locked you up, and he’s smirking.

Anger gives you the strength to sit up, to look the king straight in the eye. “What makes you so sure I will be your queen, Your Majesty?” you say, rage clouding each word. “If I died before we wed, before we could conceive…now, wouldn’t that be tragic? Even more so if it was by my own hand?”

Silence hangs in the air after your statement. You stare at the king, who remains expressionless. 

And then he laughs. 

“It would be tragic, wouldn’t it?” he agrees. You almost shiver at the tone of his voice. “But it would be even more tragic if a second princess of Terpsichani went missing, no?” Ignoring your sharp gasp, he continues. “After all, I chose you. You should feel honored, Your Highness. But if you were to pass so tragically before our wedded bliss on the next new moon, then I would simply have to choose another.”

Rage blurs your vision. “You have no right!”

“I have every right, on the contrary.” The smile disappears from his lips, leaving behind only the darkness in his eyes. “A bargain made must be fulfilled, one way or another. If you try to cut your end short…do keep in mind that it will not bode well for any other.”

It is—so hard to breathe. So hard to think. Memories of your sisters flash through your mind, blurring your thoughts—lovely, sharp-tongued Yeji, sweet Lia, innocent Ryujin, Chaeryeong, Yuna—you think of them, and then you think of this monster smiling at them, touching them—

All of the fight leaves you at once, leaving you to slump into the cold sheets of your bed, gasping for breath. 

“I remind you again,” he whispers, right by your ear. You can’t even find the strength to pull away. “We are bound by contract, by fate.” The smile in his voice sickens you. “You have no choice.”

The words slap you in the face, one by one. And you can’t even argue.

He stands again. “I will see you for the evening festivities, Your Highness. Please don’t be late.” You hear his footsteps on the cold floor, then the door opening and closing, leaving you all alone in a cold heap on the bed.

. . .

You let the servants dress you, clothe you in dark silk trimmed with gold and silver. You let them brush makeup onto your face, adorn your neck and wrists with cold gems. You watch them take your rough white robes and pure white slippers somewhere you don’t know, and then you let them lead you through the winding halls, armed guards on each side, to the dining room, where the king himself waits. 

You sit at the table among the sneers and cheers of the Kereseian nobility. You eat little, and speak even less. No one bothers to converse with you anyway, only ever congratulating the king on “such a lovely fiancée, even if she doesn’t speak much and comes from the surface.”

When the meal is over, you pray that the night is also over, that you will be allowed to return to your rooms and—you don’t know what, grieve or cry or sit in silence until you’re next called or until you pass out. You just want to be alone. But then the tables are cleared, nobility chattering away as they move into the next room, and the king is looking at you with that awful smile. “It is time for the best part of the night. I think you will enjoy it,” he whispers, guiding you toward the crowd.

Somehow, you doubt it. But your silence only invites him to continue. “We will dance the night away, you and I,” he says, grinning even as your stomach drops in fear. “It is time for the Midnight Ball.”

To your horror, the nobility are already looking at you expectantly as the king leads you into a huge, glittering ballroom. The ceiling must be five times your height at least, inlaid with gold and gems that sparkle coldly in the chilly light of the chandeliers, and as the chatter dies down, you can hear your footsteps clicking ominously on the floor. 

The shoes the servants slipped upon your feet are nothing like the ones Chan makes you. The supple, bright satin you’ve grown used to, stitched with shimmering designs that made you feel almost fairy-like as you danced, has turned into stiff, dark silk that pinches your heels and toes. All your life you’ve loved dancing, loved every style you learned, loved spinning about any floor, weaving emotions in the air no matter where you were, and so it’s a completely new feeling to be walking onto the ballroom floor with nothing but cold dread in your heart. 

In the center of the ballroom, the king lets go of your hand, turning to the crowd. You almost run. But you would be caught in an instant, and besides, you don’t know where to go in this labyrinth of a palace. So you only stay silent and miserable as the king speaks. 

“Be honored,” he says to the eager room, “to witness the first dance of the Kereseian king and his soon to be queen. Two figures bound not only by rings, but by fate itself.”

Fate. You stare at the hand that the king has offered you, that word bouncing endlessly off the walls of your skull. This can’t be fate. This can’t be your fate—you can’t be sentenced to a life under the earth, to bear a child for this king’s hellish plans, to wither away in this kingdom of hell without a hope of seeing the sun. 

But the hand proffered before you says otherwise. 

Fingers shaking, you take the hand. Allow the king to bring you close. Allow his hand to settle on your shoulder blade, skin crawling where his fingers touch, allow his other hand to grasp your own. Only years and years of training keep your own hand steady on his arm, your frame as strong and sturdy as your heart isn’t. 

Perhaps it’s stupid, but all you can think is that he didn’t even ask if you were to follow or lead.

“Come now, why do you tremble so?” he whispers as the music begins, haunting melodies echoing off the walls. “I’m sure you are a fine dancer, princess of Terpsichani.”

Before you can retort, he whisks you into the dance. Your feet follow numbly. And as he whirls you around the ballroom, the eyes of the crowd crawling all over you, you stop thinking. Let your eyes whisper, unseeing, over the decorations on the walls. Let your muscle memory take over for your mind. Force yourself not to feel, not to emote, not to cry, because if you think—if you show a single emotion on your face—he wins. The entire room wins. Your despair will keen so loudly in your movements, desperation rolling off you in waves, and they will all laugh. They will all smile. They will point and whisper and cackle about the weakness of this princess from above the earth, and though you can feel your heart shattering to pieces on the ground, you will not let them have that. These scraps of dignity are all you have left. 

When you return to your room, having danced the night away, you remember nothing. You don’t remember his voice whispering in your ear. You don’t remember the other nobles spinning beside you. You don’t remember how your dance shoes could have been worn out in one night, how you could have gotten these aches and pains in your arms and legs. You don’t remember how you returned to your room. 

You haven’t cried this whole time, not since you arrived. You didn’t cry during the hours you sat in silence on the bed. You didn’t cry during the time you sat at the evening meal. You didn’t cry on the dance floor during a night of dancing you won’t remember. But as you lie in bed between the cold silk sheets, feet aching with the pain of following, following, following a man with whom you never wanted to dance, the first tears slip out. 

And they don’t stop.

. . . . .

Chan rides fast, as fast as he can, but halfway through the woods he has to slow down because it’s getting dark and his horse is getting tired. He’s needed a break for a while but just the thought of stopping for something as trivial as his own rest terrifies him, so he continues on until it’s clear he can’t anymore. 

He’s not afraid of the woods, even in this unfamiliar territory. He used to play in the trees as a child as his mother and father foraged in the grasses, and before he found his calling as a cobbler, the woods near his home were one of the places where he truly felt alive. Even now, with the weight of Yeji’s words and your situation on his back, the darkening woods comfort him, in a way. 

It’s been two days since Yeji came calling—two days of nonstop riding south, to where the legends say an entrance to the Kereseian kingdom lies. The kingdom is underground. Chan isn’t quite sure how he will enter, even where exactly an entrance might lie, but he’s brushed that off for now. He’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. 

With a sigh, Chan dismounts his horse and leads it to a nearby stream. While he drinks, Chan unpacks the small bag of things he brought for himself. He doesn’t have much food left, but he should be close—and at that point, food will probably be the least of his worries. Sinking down under the shelter of a large tree, he lets out a breath, feeling fatigue overcome him as he bites into a chunk of bread. 

Then a branch snaps. 

Chan whirls around. It’s not unheard of for people to live in the woods, but he didn’t pass anyone on the path and assumed this area was deserted. An animal, perhaps? Or—

A small, stooped old woman hobbles out from the path. “Hello there, traveler.”

Chan swallows down his surprise along with a bit of bread and nearly chokes on it. “Good evening, my lady.” He cringes as soon as the words leave his mouth—he has no idea who this old woman is or her title, if she has one—but better to be more polite than necessary, he supposes. 

“My, you have manners.” She smiles up at him with surprisingly bright eyes. “I don’t suppose you would have anything for an old woman such as I to eat? I’ve been traveling all day and haven’t had time to try and find a bite.”

A few hunks of bread, a few chunks of cheese, some greens he gathered on the short stops for water he took on the way. He has no water now, but he can refill that in the stream. “I don’t have much,” he says humbly, patting the ground next to him, “but you are welcome to share what I have, my lady.” 

She sits down with a groan that Chan feels in his bones. “You’re a kind young man,” she says as he spreads out the remnants of his pack. “I thank you deeply.”

He bows his head briefly. “The pleasure is mine.”

They don’t speak much as they share their meal, only when Chan refills his flask and offers it to the woman. When they’ve finished their small portions, the woman leans back with a satisfied sigh. “Thank you kindly, young man. You’ve been good to an old woman. If you’ll come with me, my hut isn’t far. I don’t have much, but I’d like to give you something, if you don’t mind. As thanks.”

Chan weighs the old woman’s words. It’s strange that she showed up in the middle of the woods—without him noticing, too, and he’s been on the path the whole day—but she doesn’t seem to be malicious. He broke bread with her and she seemed kindly enough then. It’s true that she could turn on him in an instant now that he has nothing left to offer her, but that would be a lot of effort when she could simply go on her way without offering him anything in return for his food. He wouldn’t have thought twice about it if she did.

Anyway, she reminds him a little of his grandmother from when he was little. So Chan only nods with a smile, then bows his head in thanks. “I would be honored, my lady.”

Together, they trek through the forest, Chan leading his horse by the reins. By the time they reach what seems to be her home, a small hut deep in the forest, the sun has set entirely. The old woman waits patiently for him to tie up the horse, then leads him inside. 

If the hut seemed small from the outside, the inside seems even tinier, cluttered with knickknacks and trinkets and old furniture that, strangely, still looks like it’s in some semblance of order. “Sit, sit,” she says, gesturing to an overstuffed chair that Chan gingerly settles into. It’s so soft, and he’s been so tired after days of traveling and sleeping in the forest, that when he blinks he’s almost tempted to fall asleep right then and there. 

She sits in front of him, eyes gentle. “You look to be on a journey, young man,” she says, not unkindly. “A very important one. Would you tell me what it is?”

It’s a pointed question. Not one that Chan expected to be asked. Looking into the old woman’s eyes, he has the strange suspicion that she already knows the answer, but for some reason wants to hear it from his own lips. 

Well, it’s not as if he expected to travel any more this evening. Before he met her, he was just going to settle right where he was and sleep until dawn. Swallowing hard against the lump rising in his throat, Chan speaks. “A…good friend of mine. She has been kidnapped, and I have reason to believe she was taken by the Kereseian king himself. I’ve come this way to find her and bring her back, if…if I can.” His voice cracks on the last word, and then he falls silent.

The old woman’s expression doesn’t change, though her eyes seem to turn a touch softer. “You’ve traveled far, young man. And you’ve done well.” She leans forward, presses one of his hands between her wrinkled, warm fingers. “You are devoted to your friend, and I have no doubt she is devoted to you in the same way."

There’s no mirror in front of him, but Chan can tell his cheeks are reddening nonetheless. It doesn’t stop the old woman, who only smiles knowingly before she continues. “I am a witch, young man. A practitioner of the magic beyond that of the arts that your people have been blessed with. My powers are not as strong as they once were, but I can help you with your quest. Give me but a moment.” She rises and walks to what looks to be a small closet set into the wall. Chan watches her rummage around some more, then come out with what looks to be a piece of cloth. As she brings it closer, Chan sees that it’s a short black cloak trimmed with pale gold thread. A gold clasp fastens the throat. When she sits back down, she extends it to him.

Chan takes it. Up close, he can see that it’s a bit small, perhaps just large enough to cover his shoulders, but the material is warm and seems sturdy. But it’s also just a cloak, and try as he might, Chan can’t understand what she gave this to him for. 

She seems to anticipate this, though, if the glint in her eye says anything. “Put it on. And take care to do the clasp properly, or it won't work.”

He settles the cloak around his shoulders, surprised to find that it fits quite well. His fingers fumble around the clasp for a moment, but the second it clicks into place—

His arms disappear. So do his legs. And while he can still very much feel his limbs and knows that he must exist based on the indent he’s still leaving in the armchair where he sits, every part of his body is invisible. 

Before him, the old woman smiles broadly. “It’s an invisibility cloak, young man. Take care to use it well.”

Chan unfastens the gold clasp, watching in amazement as he shimmers back into view. The rush of adrenaline that had come with turning invisible hasn’t gone, but he reluctantly tries to hand back the cloak anyway. “I shouldn’t take this from you, my lady,” he says. “Such a magical item should be treasured. I’m sure you could barter or sell it for some food, or whatever else you might need.”

She pushes it back to him. “This cloak is not for sale,” she says firmly. “It should be given to the one who needs it most, and I have decided that it is you. How do you plan to go sneaking around the Kereseian palace without it, hm? If they catch you, you will be dead for sure, and no one will be able to help you then. Not me, and not your dear friend either.”

Unfortunately, she has a point. Try as he might, Chan can’t think of any other way he’d be able to go around the palace unnoticed—this invisibility cloak would be a blessing. So he takes it, folds it neatly, and bows deeply to the old woman. “I thank you deeply, my lady.”

“No need for thanks.” She waves off his words with a grandmotherly smile. “Now, I will give you two more pieces of information to aid you on your journey. Listen closely.” Her eyes turn serious. “The kingdom of Kereseia feeds on dark magic. Dark magic, when caught, is easily destroyed—simply burn it with a clean flame in an iron fireplace.” She points to her own fireplace, one wrinkled eyebrow raised. “Unfortunately, it is not easily caught.” 

Chan lets out a short, despairing laugh. Of course. “I figured as much.”

“Do not be discouraged yet.” She holds up a finger. “The dark magic of the Kereseian king is concentrated in two places—in his crown, and in the ruby he wears around his neck. Destroy these and you destroy him, and his palace to boot. No matter what contract binds your friend to him, it will be null and void if his magic is gone.” Her eyes crinkle in a sly grin. “There isn’t much he can do if his kingdom has collapsed, his source of magic disappeared.” 

A crown, and a necklace. Chan swallows hard. “There is no doubt he keeps these on his person at all times, I assume.”

“You would be correct,” she agrees, and Chan’s heart sinks. It’s not as if he expected anything different, but still. “The rulers of Kereseia have never been fools, evil as they are. But you are intelligent, young man, and you have a good heart.” She smiles, and Chan takes some small comfort in the crinkling of her eyes. “You will find a way.”

Chan isn’t sure why she has so much faith in him, but he tries to take heart in it all the same. “Thank you, my lady.”

“I’m not finished. There is one more piece of information I must impart to you.” A glint comes to her eye, and Chan finds himself leaning in. “I will now tell you how to get into the kingdom of Kereseia itself.”

. . . . .

Day three dawns—metaphorically—as miserably as the past two. When you wake between the cold sheets, only icy fire lighting your room, all you can do is sigh and wish you hadn’t woken up at all. 

It’s bad enough being trapped in an underground world where there’s no light or warmth, far from the home you’ve known your whole life. What makes it worse is that, apparently, there’s just nothing to do except wake up late, dress for the Midnight Ball, and dance with someone you’d normally not go near with a ten foot long spear. 

Ha. When you put it like that, your situation almost seems funny. 

You swallow a bout of hysterical laughter just in time for several servants to enter the room, each with the same countenance of a pallbearer that they all seem to have around here. Not that you can blame them—you think you’d feel pretty grim too, if you had to serve Kereseian nobility all day. They dress you in the same dark colors you’ve been wearing for days, then bow out with a whisper that your lunch will be brought in soon. 

When they leave, you press a hand to your heart. Try to slow your breath. It doesn’t work, not really—your heart has been racing since the first day and it never quite calmed down—but you can trick yourself into thinking you’re not quite hyperventilating. Not just yet. 

Another knock sounds, and you wait in silence as a fourth servant brings in a tray of food that you know you’ll leave mostly untouched. She bows herself out, and you eye the tray with trepidation. It probably all tastes delicious, but you’re about as hungry as you are delighted to be here. 

“Your Highness.”

What.

Your already racing heart spikes and you let out some combination of a yell and a cough, clutching your chest. For a moment, you watch the door in case someone comes inside to investigate the source of the voice. But no one does. 

Heart still beating way too fast, you survey the room with a careful eye. There should be no one in here except you, but you swear you heard a voice—

“Your Highness,” the same voice whispers, and then a familiar face appears out of nowhere, unclasping what looks to be a short black cloak from around his neck. 

You gape. You’re dreaming, you must be. There is no way Chan, your cobbler, is standing in front of you in your quarters in the palace of the Kereseian king. You’re hallucinating. You’ve gone mad. The darkness of this place drove you insane and now you’re seeing things. 

But the hallucination is so real as it steps forward, eyes shimmering with what look like real tears. It keeps coming closer, and you can’t bring yourself to blink the vision away, and then it gently takes the two of your hands in his—

You gasp when warm skin touches yours. Warm, so warm, so gentle and so familiar. 

It must be real. 

Chan barely manages to catch you when you stumble into his arms, desperately trying to muffle your sobs into his shoulder. He’s shaking too, you realize, holding you with at least as much trembling fervor as you hold him, and for what could be seconds, hours, days, you clutch him, sobbing, hearts beating together this time as one. 

“How?” you croak when you finally have the breath to speak, daring to raise your eyes to the apparition-turned-human before you. 

He takes in a shuddering breath, a trembling smile on his lips. “I had some help.”

Attention rapt, you listen as Chan tells you how Yeji came to his home to tell him of your disappearance, how he set out almost immediately after. He tells you of two days of nearly nonstop riding, stopping only for water and to rest at night. He tells you of the strange, kindly witch who gave him the invisibility cloak as thanks for sharing a meal, then told him where and how to find you. 

“There is an opening in the earth that the Kereseian king does not know,” he says, describing a dark cave hidden from the sun, the opening framed by two large rocks with a strange, metallic glow that came from trees of silver down below. “I only had to go down the opening, and then I found myself on one of the streets outside the palace.”

“And you snuck in with just the cloak?” You shake your head in amazement. 

“Well, I can be very quiet when needed.” He smiles almost shyly, and your heart skips a beat. It’s incredible how you’ve calmed with just his presence, your heart no longer racing a thousand miles a minute. “We need to get you out of here, now.”

Your stomach sinks. “I can’t,” you whisper, heart aching when Chan’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I—I don’t know the details. But my father made some sort of…bargain, I suppose, with the Kereseian king’s father. He and my mother had trouble conceiving, apparently. Enough that he sought a contract with the king.” You swallow down the disgust crawling up your throat. “In the end, in return for a child, the Kereseian king asked for one of his daughters. For his son.” Weakly, you spread your arms in some sort of attempt at humor. “And he chose me.”

Chan’s expression speaks of horror. “Your father knew of this?”

“I don’t know how much he knew of the current king's plan, but he certainly failed to warn me.” You laugh bitterly. “But the point is, Chan, I can’t leave. The king would only take one of my sisters instead, and I will not let that happen.”

“That won’t happen.” You open your mouth to argue, but Chan smiles slightly, cutting you off. “We may not be able to get you out tonight, but the witch also told me that if we can destroy the king’s source of power, whatever…contract keeps you here will be void.” He looks at you earnestly. “He wears a dark crown, apparently, and a necklace with a ruby. Have you perhaps seen them?”

A dark crown, and a ruby necklace. You think back to the past three nights of dancing with the king and fight the urge to shiver. “I have seen the crown,” you say slowly, remembering the heavy circlet of black metal and gems that always shimmers upon his head. “The necklace…” You recall a large ruby almost glowing on his chest. “Yes, I have seen it too. I do not see him much throughout the day, but every night…he always wears them.”

“Every night?”

“For the Midnight Ball,” you say quietly. “He…we dance. Together.” You fight to hide the revulsion from your face.

To your surprise, Chan almost looks like he might cry again. “I’m so sorry, Your Highness.”

“Why do you apologize? None of this is of your doing.” You press his hands between yours. “And, Chan, do not call me Your Highness. Call me by my own name, please.” Your voice trembles, but you raise a hand when he tries to speak. “If I had my way I would have asked you sooner, but I know your bounds of propriety. But you came all this way for me. You came to save me.” You swallow hard, tears pricking your eyes again. “We are on equal footing here, and forevermore I will owe you my life.”

“Don’t say such things,” Chan whispers. “You owe me nothing.”

“But I do.” You smile wetly, brushing a tear from his cheek. “So please, at the least—call me by my name, Chan.”

For a moment it looks like he will still argue, but he doesn’t, only replies with a wobbly smile that is more beautiful than any gem you have ever seen. “As you wish…Y/N.”

You can’t help your own smile as you bring him close again, arms wrapping around his chest. “Thank you, Chan,” you whisper, voice unsteady with emotion.

The two of you stay like that for a while, just breathing together, then Chan gently continues. “The witch told me that the crown and necklace are where the king’s dark magic is concentrated,” he says quietly. “If we can take them somehow, all we need to do is burn them in an iron fireplace, which she has in her home.”

“He always seems to be wearing them, though.” You press your lips together, thinking. “You might need to take them while he sleeps. Unless he wears them both even then…”

“It’s worth a try,” Chan replies. He sets his jaw. “If I can try and slip in with this cloak and take them then, I’ll get you out and we can escape.”

“It’ll be a long wait,” you warn. “The Midnight Ball lasts all night, until dawn. Only then will he return to his rooms, if he even does—I do not know his habits. But…” Your narrow your eyes. “At night, the servants will come to dress me for the Midnight Ball. When we leave, you must leave with us. Of course, wear the cloak. Come to the ball invisible, and you will see the crown and the ruby so you know what to take, and when the night ends, follow the king to his chambers. He has to go there at some point. Then, when he falls asleep, you can take them.” 

“You’re a genius,” Chan breathes. “Yes, hopefully this should work.” Suddenly, he frowns. “But how will I get you out? Your door is locked.”

You purse your lips. “He must have a key somewhere,” you conclude quietly. “I expect he keeps it on his person, since he has…he’s come before.” You ignore Chan’s look of concern. “You may find it in his room. But I will also try to see if I can keep the door wedged open slightly, or something.”

Chan doesn’t look entirely happy. You can’t fully fight the worry lodged in your own chest either—this isn’t a completely foolproof plan. But it’s about as good as you can get, and you say as much to Chan, who agrees. 

“Tonight, then,” you say, forcing down a surge of hope that tries to spread through your chest. 

“Tonight,” Chan echoes, squeezing your hand. “We’ll get you out of here.”

. . .

You’re more nervous than you’ve ever been. The servants have dressed and prepared you for the evening festivities, and now you’re out the door. Chan disappeared a while ago, and the last you felt of him was the soft press of his hand against yours before he vanished. The cloak is truly extraordinary. As the guards lead you down to the banquet hall, you send good wishes to the witch who gifted it to him. 

It feels like you’re in a daze, almost, as you run through the motions of the evening. No one speaks to you as per usual at the meal, and when the king takes you to the center of the ballroom for your first dance of the night, you accept his hand blankly and let your muscles take over. All the while your heart is racing like no tomorrow, beating so hard you’re terrified the king will hear it, but he doesn’t say a word about it the whole night, which gives you hope. 

Until the ball ends, and he says he has something he’d like you to see. 

Immediately your throat seizes. He’s caught Chan. You don’t know when, or how—the king hasn’t left your side all night—but he caught Chan and he’s about to show you his mangled body or corpse—

Shut. Up. You force yourself to breathe. “As you wish, Your Majesty.” 

If your voice is a little more stilted than it usually is, he says nothing.

The king leads you in the direction of your rooms. Between the confusion and the terror of Chan possibly having been caught, you can hardly breathe, can barely take in what he’s saying as you pass through the myriad of rooms and halls, but then he leads you down a different path from the one you usually take. Finally, he stops in what looks like it would be an atrium if there was sunlight in this damned place. A fountain stands in the middle of the round floor under a high, vaulted ceiling, clear water running gently into the basin. 

It's rather beautiful, really. If only it weren’t in such a dark place. 

“Your Highness.” The king extends you a hand, that cruel smirk still embedded on his face. “May I have one last dance here, tonight?”

Your chest tightens in a mix of relief, apprehension, and exhaustion. Because if he wanted to show you that he’d caught Chan, he’d hardly do it while dancing, right? But also, why couldn’t he just ask for this dance in the ballroom? And you’re tired, so tired—your feet and legs ache like no tomorrow, and all you really want to do is lie down. You stare at the hand. “My slippers have already worn out, Your Majesty.”

“They’ll hold for one more dance, I’m sure.” He takes your hand even though you never accepted. “Why do you look so put out, hm?”

It wouldn’t do you any good to tell him the real reason—that he repulses you and you want nothing to do with him, ever—so you settle for a half-truth to change the subject. “You never ask me if I am to follow or lead.”

“Oh?” He spins you into frame. “Is that something I was supposed to do?”

You meet his eyes. “It is customary in my country, where all who dance with partners learn both roles.” It is a sign of respect and consent, you don’t add. That the one who asks another to dance must accept the other’s preferred role. 

“Well, I have only learned one role,” the king responds nonchalantly, eyes glinting with malice. “And it is not as if I will ever do anything but lead in this partnership. What would you do, either, but follow?” Then he laughs as though this is the funniest joke in the world when you feel like you’ve just been punched in the gut. “Now, dance with me.”

It takes all of your self-control not to slap him in the face or pull away. You remember that Chan was to follow the king back to his chambers and pray that he isn’t witnessing this, and that if he is, that he doesn’t let his sense of justice push him into doing something rash. “As you wish,” you reply, monotone.

Inlaid on the atrium floor are twelve circles of white marble placed evenly around the fountain. Slowly, you begin to waltz with the king through the circles, shoes sliding ominously over the stone, wondering—why couldn’t he just do this in the ballroom where you were dancing before? But then something shifts beneath your feet and only years of training keep you from stumbling into the king, though a yelp escapes your lips—

“Keep dancing, Your Highness,” the king says, cruel amusement in his voice. 

Embarrassment rises in your cheeks but you continue to follow dutifully, even as it becomes clear that the marble circles are rising, forming something of a winding staircase that rises over the fountain. Your heart leaps in your throat and in a moment of weakness you clutch at the king’s hands because gods and stars above, it feels like you’re going to fall.  

But you don’t fall, and the staircase continues to rise until the vaulted ceiling itself begins to open, as though by magic. A small gasp escapes your throat as you take the last step onto the final circle, the king spinning you once, twice, three times as the ceiling fully opens, letting in—

Light. Very little, for the sky is still mostly dark, but the gray light of dawn has just begun to streak through the sky, filtering through the ceiling’s opening and bathing you in a soft glow. A choked noise escapes your throat and when you raise a hand to your eyes, you find there are tears. 

It’s been too long since you saw sunlight, even as weak as this. 

“This will be my wedding gift to you,” the king says, breaking the spell. Suddenly you remember you’re not on the surface of the earth, where you belong, but underground in a land of hell where an evil king controls your access to the sun. “On nights where I am pleased with you, I will take you to the surface. Of course, the spell will only be activated if you dance with another on these stones, and who else would you dance with but I?” He laughs, malice in his voice, but you’re trying to fight the rise of hope in your chest as you think of another with whom you might dance on these stones—

Chan. If the escape goes wrong, if you’re running out of time—you can escape here. Via this staircase, to the sunlight. 

You force yourself back to the present in time to hear the end of the king’s deluded speech. “I cannot walk in the sun, of course.” His lip curls in a way that is anything but friendly. “That witch on the surface made certain of that. But you, with our child…” Suddenly his face is in yours, his hand cupping your cheek. “Someday, Your Highness, you might walk upon the earth’s surface with our child on your hip. Isn’t that a lovely thought?”

Gods and stars above. You pinch yourself hard to avoid doing something stupid—like throw up. Or scream. “Quite,” you grit out, fighting a wave of revulsion. “How kind you are.”

He laughs again, like you’re the most amusing person he’s ever met. It makes you sick. “Take a good rest then, Your Highness,” he says as he leads you down the staircase, the steps disappearing along the way and the vaulted ceiling closing on itself, leaving you with only the cold flames of the underground once more. “I will see you tomorrow night.”

As he turns away, you’re certain he doesn’t hear you whisper, “Hopefully not.”

. . . . .

Quietly, about ten paces back, Chan follows the king down unfamiliar corridors and through unfamiliar rooms to reach the king’s own quarters, all the time forcing himself to pay attention to the route and not to think about the cavalier way the king treats you, like you’re some sort of…exotic pet, or something, come to entertain him in this palace. 

“On nights where I am pleased with you, I will take you to the surface.” Chan nearly broke out of his cover right then and there to punch this king in the nose. But he didn’t, because if anything you have the first right to do that, not him. And because that would mess everything up. His goal tonight is to get you out of here—not to have the two of you locked up. So he forces himself to stay invisible and silent.

If he’s being honest, Chan doesn’t think he expected himself to get this far. Sneaking into the palace was a nerve-wracking thing on its own, and sneaking around the palace is even worse. He’s quiet, but even his shoes have heels, and he breathes, and generally makes some amount of noise no matter how silent he tries to be. So as he steps quietly behind the king and his little retinue, all he can do is pray, and breathe, and pray some more. 

They stop in front of a massive black door, inlaid with silver and sparkling gems. Chan gapes—this whole palace is full of luxury of the likes he has never seen, and he’s seen many beautiful things, working for your kingdom—but pinches himself to focus when two guards pull it open. The king steps inside, and before the doors close, Chan manages to slip in too. 

The room is built similarly to yours—dark floor, dark walls, no windows at all. Lanterns of the same cold flame that light up the whole palace are arranged along the walls, spilling strange shadows onto the floor. Unlike your room, though, there are treasures hung everywhere—gems, drapes, suits of armor. They look like spoils of war. Chan ducks behind some sort of ceremonial tapestry as the king’s servants undress him, ready him for bed. All the while he’s still wearing the dark crown upon his brow. 

Chan covers his mouth to muffle his breath as the servants leave the room, leaving just the king. Slowly, too slowly, Chan watches as the king lifts the crown off his head, then places it in an elaborate case by the bed. He closes the case and with a quiet snick, like it was locked. Which it very well might have been. Chan panics for a moment—how is he going to get it out of the damn case?—but he forces himself to breathe. He might not need to. If he’s lucky, he’ll be able to burn the whole case with the crown in it. With bated breath, he waits for the king to take off the necklace, too. 

But he doesn’t. 

In horror, Chan watches as the king simply lies down on the bed without taking the necklace off. As the king’s breath evens into sleep, Chan fights the urge to start screaming. So close, but so far—

Breathe. Small steps. He can get the crown, at least. Heart in his throat, Chan tiptoes towards the king’s bed and picks up the case. It’s somewhat bulky, and extremely ornate. The gems and gold encrusted around the rims weigh it down and he can see that there’s no keyhole, only a large dent in the metal. It makes Chan wonder how the king locked the crown inside, because when he tries to open it the lid won’t budge. Still, while it’s a bit large, it’s not so heavy that he can’t carry it. Chan slips the case into his bag and tucks the whole thing back under his cloak, where it all disappears from sight. 

Something catches his eye as he turns back to the king—a glint of silver. Chan leans in closer. It’s a key, hanging around the king’s chest on a thin chain. 

Maybe the key to your rooms. 

It almost seems too good to be true. Chan glances around the room, but nothing similar to a key catches his eye. If the king is keeping a key on his person, then it must be important. There must be a reason. 

He bites his lip. There’s the key, and the ruby necklace. The key he might be able to get—the chain is thin, and looks like it could be snapped with enough force. The ruby, however, is large, and the chain that supports it is far too thick for him to try and break. 

But he has to try.

Blood rushes in Chan’s ears, his heart thumping so loudly he fears the king might hear him. Slowly, slowly, he extends a hand to where the silver key lies, gingerly picking up the key itself. His heart nearly stops when the king rustles in his sleep, but he settles again, and Chan takes a deep breath. Careful. Gathering the key in his fist, he wraps a short piece of the chain around a finger and grabs another section. Praying hard, he jerks the chain. 

Two things happen. One, the chain snaps, leaving Chan with the key in his palm. 

Two, the king’s eyes snap open. 

Chan almost gasps out loud. Just in time he presses a hand over his mouth, muffling any noise he might make. The king looks around, head jerking left, right as Chan backs away as slowly as his trembling legs will allow, hardly daring to breathe. Don’t notice me, he prays. Don’t notice, don’t notice, don’t notice—

The king looks down, at the broken chain on his chest. Then he looks left, to where the crown case has disappeared. 

Shit.

“GUARDS!” 

The doors rush open. Chan doesn’t think twice before sprinting out, clutching the bag beneath his cloak. 

. . .

When you returned to your rooms that night, you didn’t sleep. You couldn’t—out of anxiety, of course, but also because Chan was supposed to return, and you needed to be awake for whatever happened next.

You didn’t expect to hear shouts and screams so soon, though. 

Footsteps storm down the hall as cries of confusion ring off the walls. In your room, you freeze—what do you do? Do you just wait? What else could you do, when only a key can unlock your door from the outside, a key that no one would ever use—

No. You steel yourself. With the confusion now, if anything, this is the perfect chance to escape. 

Mustering three days’ worth of condensed fear and rage, you open your mouth and scream. 

To your surprise, it works almost immediately. Barely have you finished your second cry, throat raw with the effort, then do the doors swing open, Kereseian guards looking inside with confusion. Calling upon all the terror you’ve shoved away over the past few days, you swing an arm out and whirl in front of them in half a semblance of a dance, biting back a smile of satisfaction when the guards’ eyes blow wide with terror. “There is someone in my room,” you half gasp, half scream. “There is someone in my room—I felt them touch me—HELP ME!”

The guards step inside gingerly, eyes still wide with your manifested fear. You slip through the open doors and pull them shut against their cries of confusion.

The corridor isn’t quite empty, though it isn’t full of noise yet either. You stay near your room, back to the doors, praying with some sort of insane hope that you’ll blend in with the dark walls. Then a hand touches yours and a shriek builds in your throat—

But when you turn around, there’s nothing, and your heart melts in relief. 

“How did you get out?” Chan’s voice hisses past your ear. His hand grabs yours, begins pulling you down the hall. 

“I’ll tell you later,” you hiss back, weaving through the growing confusion. “Where are we going?”

“Where I came in from.” Chan gulps audibly. “It’s a bit far—”

“STOP THEM!”

No time to think. Ignoring his noise of confusion, you pull Chan in the direction of the atrium. “Circles,” you gasp, praying he understands. A gasp of recognition comes from his direction as you screech to a stop by the fountain, fumble for his hand, pull him into frame. “Just—follow me!”

You lead Chan into the fastest dance you know, spinning through one circle, two, then three, then four. Between adrenaline and the slowly rising steps and your haphazard spins of the Apollonian waltz—your instructor would have a fit if she saw you—you can barely step without stumbling, thoughts a mess beyond the rush of blood in your ears. Your heart is pounding so fast, sweat in your eyes, and Chan trips over one of the rising stones and you barely catch him in time and all the while the vaulted ceiling is opening, the pink light of dawn slowly beginning to filter into the atrium, filling it with blessed sunlight—

Hope begins to blossom in your chest, just as a hand grabs your ankle and pulls you off balance. 

A shriek rips itself from your throat as you trip on the steps, banging your leg hard against the stone. Sharp pain streaks up from your ankle and you have just enough time to wonder if you broke a bone before your head hits the steps too and the world explodes into dizzying stars and in the moment all you can comprehend is that someone is dragging you down, while another hand is pulling you up. 

You glance down. The movement sends your head spinning. But it doesn’t take much thought to process the grim face of the Kereseian king lunging forward on the steps below you, your ankle clutched in his iron grasp. 

“Don’t let go!” Chan’s voice whips past your ear, clashing with all the fear and adrenaline shooting through your brain. Your hand is in his and you clutch it like a lifeline, trying to drag your leg out of the king’s grip, but it’s too much. Too tight. And all you can do is look at where Chan should be, his invisible grasp tying you down to earth, but you’re slipping, slipping—

And then, to your horror, the face of your cobbler flashes into view, one end of the invisibility cloak dangling off his shoulders. 

A gasping laugh sounds beneath you. You barely register it as coming from the king. “So your lover came to save you?” he cackles, nails digging into your skin. Something wet trickles down your leg and you think it might be blood. “I thought he was just a friend.”

Part of you wants to fire back a witty retort. The other part of you knows that between the adrenaline and the pain, you couldn’t think of one if you tried. 

“Chan, go,” you gasp, voice raw. “You need to go!”

He grips your hand harder but you know it won’t last. Already your hold is slipping, palms slick with sweat, while the king’s grip remains all too steady. “I’m not going to leave you behind,” he says between gritted teeth. 

It’s the wrong moment. Completely the wrong moment. But in this faint pink light of dawn, you can’t help but think that he looks like an angel, sent by the stars and gods above to help you, to save you. Your own guardian. Your own love. 

“I know,” you say, and for a moment a real smile curves your lips. “I trust you.”

Chan realizes what you mean to do a second before you do it. You can see it in his eyes, the way they widen in horror just before you let go. 

The king stumbles, unprepared for the sudden loss of tension. He falls, and then you fall, tumbling down the stairs that are already beginning to vanish as no one dances. “GO!” you scream to the blurry figure of your love still standing above, stock still with horror, and you thank every god above when he whirls around, takes the last few steps, and disappears out of the ceiling just before it closes. 

For a long moment, all you can do is lie where you are on the floor of the atrium, gasping for breath. All of the previous confusion seems to have disappeared, leaving nothing to break the silence except for your gasps of pain. 

A shadow looms over you. Your head aches something awful with every movement you try to make, but you force yourself to lift it, to stare the king in the eye. Triumph briefly runs through your veins when you see that he looks worse for wear, even if not as badly as you feel. His pale face looks burnt—from the rays of dawn, you realize. It must be part of the curse that keeps him underground if even the faintest sunlight can burn him. He winces slightly as he steps forward. Something must have happened to his legs too, perhaps when you let go of Chan and the two of you fell. 

“What an attempt at escape,” he sneers, and any triumph you just felt freezes into cold terror in your veins. You keep yourself rigid as he lowers himself, face entering your vision until it’s all that you can see. “I give you everything you need, even provide you every avenue for dance, and this is how you repay me.”

You swallow hard, tasting blood. You must have bitten your lip in your fall. “You kidnapped me against my will from my own home, and took me beneath the surface where I can no longer even see the sun,” you snarl back. Your head hurts so much you think you might throw up and every so often there are two Kereseian kings instead of just one, but you force yourself to continue. “How else did you believe I would act?”

“You could have made things so easy for yourself if you had just kept silent and gone with it,” he hisses. “Maybe I should just marry you now, hm? It wouldn’t matter if you tried to escape then.”

The thought fills you with terror but one piece of information keeps you sane. “You won’t marry me until the new moon,” you say, each word dragged physically from your throat. “It’s not customary. Not for your royalty.”

“Who’s to say tradition can’t be broken?” The king laughs, high and insane. Your heart nearly stops. “But I suppose we will keep tradition intact for now. In the meantime, though, I suppose I will need a new way to keep you from escaping.” He smiles, the knife blade curve of his lips so cruel. “Any ideas?”

If your mind were sound, you might have tried to throw words into his face. But you can barely keep yourself from passing out in pain, let alone summon something articulate from your lips, so all you do is spit in his face. 

It’s a little easier to think when you focus on the tiny sense of satisfaction you get when he flushes with anger.

“I see your leg is already injured.” His snarl turns into a smile, diabolical and cruel and suddenly your veins feel cold, your mind clear, too clear as he steps around you, wiping his face almost delicately. He stops next to the leg that burst into pain when you fell. The one you think might be broken. 

And stomps hard on it. 

The world explodes into a dim haze of pain, black spots blurring the edge of your vision. You hear someone screaming and vaguely you think it might be you. But it’s too hard to think, too hard to keep the flood of tears back, and you can taste blood on your lips and your tongue—

“Break the other one.”

Briefly, you think, there is no way I can feel more pain than this. 

You're wrong. 

Screams echo in your ears, and you’re not sure if it’s just your mind shrieking or if the raw, animal sounds of your throat are actually bouncing off of the dark, marble walls. It doesn’t really matter. Nothing matters. The pain in your legs is all you can feel, all you can see, taste, and hear—

Your body is a ball of fire and it won’t stop burning. 

“Don’t worry,” the king croons in your ear, one disgusting finger flicking a tear from your eye. “I’ll have you healed before our Midnight Ball—my court wouldn’t want to lose their new favorite form of entertainment. For all your useless body is worth, you do dance beautifully.” He laughs and the sound only makes your head pound more. “Take her back to her rooms,” he says, addressing someone else you can’t see. Vaguely you’re aware of someone picking you up, then more animal sounds of pain from your throat as your broken legs are made to hang loosely in the air. Your vision is coming in and out now, the room flickering in and out of focus. Finally, you close your eyes against the world, barely registering as someone drops you on the floor, and with a final burst of pain, your mind falls shut into blissful unconsciousness.

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

[starlostjimin]

Title: spring for the first time Chapter 1/? WC: Chapter Rating: T Fandom: Stray Kids Pairing: Han Jisung/Lee Minho Tags/warnings: feelings of internal shame about virginity, societal pressure, gay awakening, assumed heterosexuality (joke's on them), magic, mind reading, innuendo, mythology (or is it?), best friend!hyunjin, workplace au, light urban fantasy au, i guess, fluff, possible smut later in the fic i haven't decided yet, currently SFW Summary: The day before Jisung's thirtieth birthday, Hyunjin tells him an old wives' tale about people who are virgins when they turn thirty. A shy accountant just trying to make it through life, Jisung brushes him off.

Until he wakes up the next day and hears things he definitely shouldn't be able to.

Or: Cherry Magic: Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard!....but make it minsung

next chapter

The office buzzed around him as Jisung tried to concentrate on the spreadsheet in front of him. On the other side of the room, the sales department was celebrating another big contract brought in by Lee Minho, the star of the office. Minho was everything Jisung wanted to be - incredible at his job, personable, good-looking, well-liked among the male coworkers and…popular among the female coworkers. Jisung thought he remembered hearing about Minho winning some athletics award in his school years, because of course he did. Jisung had only spoken with him once or twice, and while he remembered every detail, he was sure that the more popular man didn’t. They had been brief, work related encounters that had left Jisung with the speeding heartbeat that his anxiety always caused. 

“Oh, thank god,” Jisung mumbled as he watched the computer’s clock tick over to 5. Between the office being A Lot during celebrations, he’d also had his brain stuck on a joke Hyunjin had made at lunch. A stupid joke. Something not even remotely based in reality. 

And yet Jisung couldn’t shake it. 

“You’d better hurry up and get a girlfriend tonight,” Hyunjin said. 

Jisung raised an eyebrow. “What? I mean, we both know that’s not going to happen, so why all of a sudden?” 

“Don’t you know the old stories? If you’re still a virgin when you turn thirty, you get superpowers.” Hyunjin grinned. “We both know you couldn’t handle that.” 

“You’re the worst friend ever,” Jisung pouted. 

“You love me,” Hyunjin said, patting his best friend on the hand. 

It was stupid. So stupid. Only children believed in superpowers - which may have been the point, Jisung considered. Promise them superpowers so they don’t start sleeping around young. It made sense. And yet here he was, on the precipice of thirty, and he’d never even dated anyone, let alone had sex. He’d never met a girl he was attracted to, and even if he had, he was sure his anxiety would have kept him from doing anything about it. He sometimes thought it would be nice to have someone to come home to who would understand him, but opening up to someone? That was dangerous, plain and simple. Besides, he had little to offer in the dating department. His apartment was tiny, he walked everywhere, and he was pretty sure he was severely underpaid but too afraid to ask for a raise. Not exactly a prize. 

Jisung sighed and kicked a rock that was in his path. If he could be more like Minho, that would probably help. Everybody loved Lee Minho, and Jisung was sure he hadn’t gotten superpowers on his thirtieth birthday. Jisung tried to imagine himself smiling at his coworkers, expressing greetings that were more than the bare minimum needed to be polite. 

He couldn’t do it. Imagination-Jisung still stumbled over his words, still had hair out of place, still had a crooked tie. “Even in my imagination I’m a loser,” he muttered as he turned onto his street. Stopping briefly into the convenience store at the end of his block to pick up something to eat, he finished his short walk home, ready to change into pyjamas and sit in his bed with a movie playing until he fell asleep. 

His alarm blared, startling Jisung out of sleep. He wished briefly that he’d booked his birthday off like most people did - he was lucky with his workplace in that sense. But he hadn’t, knowing that 1. He wouldn’t have plans anyway and 2. He would probably, as always, have a huge stack of paperwork to get through. 

He was right on both counts. Jisung rolled over and shut off the alarm, rolling out of bed and rubbing his eyes as he headed to the bathroom to wash up. Staring at himself in the mirror, he wondered for a moment why people made such a big deal about birthdays. He looked exactly the same as he had yesterday. He woke up at the same time, he was going to put on the same suit he always wore to work, and he’d stop at his usual food truck on the way to pick up some breakfast for the walk over. Absolutely nothing had changed about him. 

Unless…Jisung cracked a slight smile at the thought. He jumped up and down a few times. It appeared flying and levitating were out. He stared hard at the sink. Turn on! He thought. Water!! He tried again. The sink stubbornly refused to turn itself on. “I guess I can rule out superpowers,” he chuckled as he put toothpaste on his toothbrush. 

“Morning, Jisung,” the owner of the food truck said as he approached. 

“Morning,” he said. 

“I’ve already got it ready for you,” the older man said, holding out a small bag. Jisung grinned. “Thank you. I guess I’m a little predictable, huh?” 

“8:00am, on the dot. I can practically set my clock by you,” the owner said with a laugh. As he tapped his phone against the pin pad, Jisung reached out to take the bag from the other man. When he did, his fingers brushed against his hand. 

This poor kid. He seems to live such a boring life. He’s young! He should be dating a nice girl. 

Jisung’s head shot up and he stared at the man, who was smiling back at him. 

“Something wrong?” he asked. 

“No, uh, I…just thought you said something. I’m going to have to make an extra coffee when I get to work. Didn’t sleep well last night. Thanks, bye!” Jisung left the truck, walking quicker than normal towards his office. He was sure he’d heard the old man saying something about his life being boring, but the man had clearly not been speaking. Jisung shook his head and kept walking quickly, eager to get into the safe space that was his cubicle. 

While he waited for the elevator, Jisung pulled out his phone to check his texts. As expected, there were two. One from Hyunjin, one from his mother, both wishing him a happy birthday. He smiled a tight, close-lipped smile at the screen as he tapped out a quick thank you to his mother, and made up his mind to call her later. He shoved his phone back in his pocket just as the elevator door slid open in front of him. It was packed, as always. Jisung held himself as steady as possible. The last thing he needed was to accidentally touch someone inappropriately if he got jostled by another person. 

He didn’t account for gravity. 

The old elevator shuddered to a stop at the next floor, throwing off Jisung’s balance and sending him stumbling into the person to his left. 

Oh my god, it’s him. 

The voice was familiar, but Jisung couldn’t place it. He looked up and found himself locking eyes with none other than Lee Minho. The man’s eyes were wide and Jisung worried he’d stepped on the other man’s foot. That was the last thing he needed. 

“Ah! Uh, I’m sorry, I lost my balance,” Jisung stammered out. 

He’s so cute. 

The voice again. Minho’s voice. But Jisung was literally looking at his face, and Minho wasn’t talking. It was then that he realized Minho’s hand was on his arm, steadying him. The elevator started again, jolting Jisung out of his thoughts. He stepped back, thankful for the feeling of Minho’s hand dropping off his arm. At the next floor, he rushed off the elevator, despite still being several floors away from his own. I’m going to have a great ass after taking the stairs to the tenth floor for the rest of my life, he thought to himself.

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

I have a stray kids pack ask!!! 😌

Does anyone or has anyone every felt left out? I feel like with so many pack members someone might feel a little left out :c

"I definitely felt left out when I first joined the pack." Jeongin speaks up seriously, and a few of the other pack members nod, Felix reaching out to take the youngest omega's hand in support. "It wasn't anything anyone did or didn't do, I just hadn't presented yet, and it felt weird and alienating, I guess?"

"Yeah, you definitely struggled in the beginning." Chan tilts his head, meeting the gaze of the youngest with soft, sympathetic affection on his features. "And I don't think any of us really knew how to help effectively."

Jeongin shrugs, and Felix tugs him against his side, encasing him in the safety of his arms.

"I know, hyung, and I don't blame any of you, really, it was just a weird time. For everyone."

He offers Felix a smile, as the older omega nuzzles his nose into his neck, scenting him for comfort.

"It just sucked, you know? To hear you guys talk about how everyone smelled and help each other through ruts and heats, and I didn't know how to relate to any of that. I couldn't perceive your scents yet and I didn't even know how I was going to present, so everything was just kinda up in the air."

"But as soon as you did present-" Minho interjects, a slight smile going across his lips as he glances at the younger omega and Felix practically smothering him. "-the omegas snatched you up instantly. None of us were allowed to go near you for a week."

"Yeah." Jeongin laughs, scrunching his nose as Felix pinches his cheek teasingly. "And then I learned what you really meant when you said the hyungs smelled like a springtime bake off in the middle of a citrus orchard."

"As far as feeling left out now-" You muse, thinking for a moment, before you continue. "I mean, in any relationship, there's members or partners and time periods where everyone has felt left out, at least once, right? But usually, it doesn't last long, and ends with talking it out and a solution to the problem. We all try really, really hard to split our time and attention equally between every member of the pack. That's just how it's always been."

"Wolves in a pack don't really tend toward hyper fixation." Seungmin offers clinically, his dark bangs falling into his eyes as he leans his head on Changbin's shoulder. "Wolves value each member of their pack equally, and with the way their brains are wired, they see every pack mate as an integral and important part of their daily routines. If even one is missing, then things aren't right."

"Even with the whole moonmate thing, that still doesn't necessarily mean that we spend more time of a higher quantity or quality with our mate compared to every one else. Sure, our wolves may be more compatible when it comes to mating or biological and evolutionary functions, but a wolf needs every single member of its pack around it to feel safe and fulfilled."

"Speak for yourselves." Jisung snorts, rolling his eyes, though there's a playful tilt to his lips as he speaks. "I feel incredibly left out when I'm not invited to omega bath night."

"It's literally called 'omega bath night,' Jisung."

"So? When do I get a bath night? Seungmin won't even consider a beta bath night! Not even once a month!"

"Absolutely not."

"See?"

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: Icebreaker

Author: A.L. Graziadei

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Drama | Friendship | Sports | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Alcohol | Depression

Overall Rating: 8.6/10

Personal Opinion: The romantic tension of a classic rivals-to-lovers story is exactly what you need to unwind these days. Especially with the added element of a found family in the form of a hockey team. Follow the story of Mickey James III who has a legacy to uphold as he works hard to be picked first in the NHL draft. While at the same time, his biggest competition, Jaysen Caulfield, slowly and surely makes him realize there might be more to his life than just hockey.

Do I Own This Book? Nope.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- The rivals to lovers trope is used exquisitely here. You can just feel the sexual tension in almost every rivalry scene. I just wanted them to make out so badly. 

- Depression affects everyone differently but my god, I could relate to Mickey’s depression hard. The nothingness that he describes is accurate to how I was before meds too. And the way he couldn’t focus on any of his work is exactly what I’d gone through in college myself! So this hit real close to home and it honestly makes me so happy to see the author depict depression this way and also show how important therapy and medication is to getting better. Always love a book that advocates for better mental health.

- The bond between Mickey and Nova is so special. You can just tell they’re best friends who love being together. And I love how Nova dished out some of the best advice for him to take better care of himself. I’ll be taking her words, “Do something for you,” to heart myself as well.

- And then we have Mickey and his sisters. I love how close he is to them and how much he genuinely loves them. The way the industry doesn’t give them the time of day because they’re girls sucks but it’s real and I just love that Mickey is their biggest fucking supporter to make up for it. I love how he loves people that appreciate his sisters, the ones that give them the adulation and credit they deserve for being successful and talented women in a male-dominated field. I love that.

- The scene where Mickey and his roommate, Dorian, sat on the docks to talk about their depression is so important to me. It may actually go down as one of my favorite scenes ever. The way they offered to be listening ears to each other, the way they respected each other’s experiences, the way they VALIDATED each other’s experiences? It’s just such a good scene and so important because it normalizes talking about mental health.

- Dorian and Barbie are the best. I love straight boys that are openly and physically affectionate with one another. They’re ride-or-dies for each other and I adore that.

- The scene where Mickey confesses to nothing making him happy to his parents breaks my heart. He was full-on sobbing into their arms and telling them he didn’t know what he wanted at all and I was tearing up with him. The way his parents were there for him made my heart swell too. I love that they were trying to make up for the years that they lost with him. It’s seven years late but I’m still glad Mickey was able to tell them how he’d felt abandoned because now they have no excuse but to try harder for him.

- Cauler saying “What can I do to help?” when Mickey said he was depressed? Iconic.

- Overall this book is a diversity win all around (three named bi characters, a black love interest, two Latinos, a lesbian couple, and even a polycule). I do wish the Asian characters were more than just mentioned. I am so curious about the friendly ex, Jisung, and Alex Nakamoto. But that is a personal thing because I’m Asian so you know, at least they were mentioned and they aren’t bad.

Dislikes:

- If there is one thing that I hate, it’s a protagonist that knows the solution to his problems and the source of his problems but still refuses to do anything about it! Granted that is how depression can work and obviously, that’s how it affected Mickey but my god, he was basically a walking cry for help without ever actually crying for help. A mess. And his sisters and Nova were all telling him the solutions to his issues and yet he still refused to talk to his father about anything! And what makes this worse is that his father was so accepting of the fact that his son may not want to play hockey and was in a relationship with a man and yet Mickey spent the last seven years hating him!

- I think, overall, Mickey and Cauler are cute. But I think rivals to lovers may not be for me. As much as I love it in theory. Or maybe it was taken to extremes in this case. Because Cauler was out here egging Mickey on and very violently checking him every chance he got in chapter one. I don’t know, it just felt wrong. I get why Mickey rubbed him the wrong way but being malicious toward him without knowing shit about what Mickey was going through bothers me.

- I’ve also never liked sports stories where coaches scream at their players for losing and when players aren’t 100% supportive of one another. Or at least, I feel like someone should have gone to see how Mickey was doing. All that rivalry stuff was clearly getting to him and the Your Grace stuff too. But no one stopped to check in on him except his damn algebra professor who noticed him dissociating during the midterm and decided to help by giving him the number to the counseling center and allowed him to retake the midterm. God, he is surrounded by people who all had the opportunity to check on him when he was a zombie and yet they didn’t! I know that the onus could’ve also been on him, especially since Dorian already offered a listening ear, but oh my god, how did no one notice him dying on the outside? There’s a fucking compilation of him saying “Kill me.” It should have been obvious that he wasn’t okay!

- Something about the ending is lacking for me. I don’t actually know what it is. I know this book doesn’t set out to change the NHL’s macho heteronormative culture but I still kind of wish there was some publicity on the relationship between Mickey and Cauler. Mickey even says he wants an active hockey player to come out but not him, he’s too afraid to. But it’s like, why not you? Why not be the first? You and Cauler can be a beacon of hope and love for so many young queer sports fans and yet, they’re not? At least be public with the team and tell me what they all thought!

[choco-mark]

One Day Closer (1)

pairings: soulmate!jaemin x soulmate!oc

genre: fluff | smut | a little angst if you squint

warnings: language, masturbation (fem. + m.), mentions of sex, mentions of underage drinking

summary: in a world where soulmates can hear each other’s thoughts, you slowly fall in love with your soulmate, though it takes you an eternity to realize who it really is.

words: 6.6k

parts: one | two

note: y/n and jaemin’s thoughts are written in italics

a part of the You Are Me series!!

7 April

Jaemin loved spring, he loved seeing the bare trees grow their leaves back and the fallen flowers rise up once more to resume their erect state. He loved the smell of the air, if it even had a smell, the way it was sweet and comforting to anyone passing through it. The sky was wide as always; it seemed clearer than any other season of the year, a crashing blue color that stained the world perfectly.

Y/N, however, loved winter. Jaemin knew it, he knew it from the way you praised the cold when soft snow fell outside of your window in the morning and the way your thoughts would giggle when you saw the puffs of white air coming from your mouth as you spoke. You loved everything about the freezing weather, and you were almost upset to see it gone as spring finally approached.

You were in school right now, staring at your teacher who was supposedly teaching chemistry, but your mind was hazy and filled with the thoughts of your soulmate. It was normal to hear your soulmate’s thoughts, just as everyone else in the world did, but he was always thinking. Constantly, even about the most irrelevant things.

Okay, but if I add x to this side, it just fucks up the whole equation. Wait, I’m supposed to add x over here too, right? That’s what she just said, dumbass, obviously.

You giggled to yourself out loud. I see you’re having pretty important thoughts right now, aren’t you? You do realize we share the same mind, right? I’m trying to learn some chemistry here.

Oh, that’s really funny, baby. His chuckle vibrated throughout your head as you sighed. You’ve been thinking about what you’re gonna have for lunch the entire time, which is far from anything chem related.

Hey, food is important! And I’m really hungry. I didn’t even eat breakfast before I got here. You pouted a little as you tried to stop your growling stomach from interrupting the class. Kinda regretting it now.

What did I say about skipping meals? His voice sounded stern, almost as if he was angry. You had successfully been hiding the fact that you didn’t eat in the morning because he often wasn’t awake, but now you were caught. Don’t do it, it’s not good for you. If you do it one more time, I’ll have to come force feed you, baby.

Baby. The little nickname that your nameless soulmate had called you by for years, since it was impossible to reveal your own name to them. It was funny, you would think sometimes, that you could share a hundred thousand thoughts with him but not the only thing that mattered. If only you knew his name…

I don’t need to know your name to find you. He answered in a softer voice, matching your thoughts. We’re meant for each other, baby, we’re soulmates for god’s sake! We just need to find each other when the time is right, and considering I haven’t seen anyone as beautiful as you, it’s not the right time.

As beautiful as me? You haven’t even seen me, how would you even…know that? Your eyes fell on the open notebook before you, the pages empty and without words.

I don’t need to see you to know that you’re beautiful. You could basically hear the smirk in his voice, and you internally scoffed. It’s true, baby! If your mind is this beautiful, you have to be gorgeous. I might even faint when I see you for the first time.

Yeah, right.

18 April

“I’m serious,” Jeno crossed his arms in front of you, looking you up and down before shaking his head. “You are absolutely miserable, Y/N. All you do is stay inside this goddamn room all day, and you barely even hang out with the me and the guys anymore! You’re coming with me whether you like it or not.”

You looked away from his piercing gaze, trying your best to suppress your feelings deep inside. As much as you knew you couldn’t be crying over such a stupid reason, you couldn’t help it.

Jeno had already found his soulmate, and it had been years since he had. He was happy with her, just like you ever wanted him to be, but the envy lying there for you to be him was constantly persisting. You wanted, more than anything in the world, to find your soulmate. But the last few days had been a battle between you and yourself, asking yourself over and over again whether you would really find him.

You had closed off your mind to your soulmate, not sharing your thoughts to him for the past week. It hurt, not being able to speak with him the way you always did, and you had broken the number one rule with him: to never close off your mind, no matter how hard it gets.

“Hey,” Jeno’s voice softened as he kneeled down to your position on your bed. “Wha-Why are you crying? What happened?”

You swiped at the tears falling continuously from your eyes, refusing to look at him. “You know, Jeno, it’s easy for you to preach all your happiness bullshit all the time: you’ve found your soulmate. You’ve always had her with you, so you don’t know what if feels like.”

“I’m never going to find him,” you whispered out the last words, closing your eyes tightly. “I’ll probably die before I do, and there’s no point. And you know what, I stopped talking to him a few days ago because I can’t do it anymore! I can’t sit and talk to someone mentally when it feels like they don’t even exist!”

There was only silence ringing through your room as Jeno watched you break down slowly, your sobs quiet but still there. He sighed, wrapping his arms around you to hold you still. “He does exist, Y/N. I promise you, he does exist.”

“And he’s waiting for you,” he continued, smoothing your hair down as your tears drenched his shirt. “He wants to find you as much as you do, so open it again. Talk to him. He’s waiting for you to come back.”

You closed your eyes tightly, knowing that Jeno was right. He was always right. But I need him back. Please come back. Please come back. I need to talk to him again.

He was there, you could feel it. You could hear his breathing, if that was even possible, the sound of his inhaling and exhaling that always calmed you down. He didn’t say anything, or rather think anything.

You felt the pain surging through you as you clutched Jeno’s shirt as if it were the only thing keeping your grounded to the universe. “He—”

Baby, why are you crying? Did you get hurt? Did something happen? What happened? You heard the concern relaxed through the voice you had missed for days. Please, baby, don’t cry. It hurts me too.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, and Jeno knew the words weren’t for him as your tears continued falling. “I’m sorry I closed off.”

It’s okay. He said in a soft rumble, along with the same chuckle. You felt it hurting, the pain becoming harder and harder to suppress until you realized, it wasn’t just your pain you were holding. It was his too. Please don’t do it again. I’m always here. I’m always here for you.

You heard his voice crack, a visible sound as you felt him cry too. “N-No, please don’t cry. I’m sorry.” But your words were lost in your self scolding, knowing that your selfishness had caused him pain. “I’m sorry.”

I’ll find you. We’ll find each other. I promise. We will, I know we will. That’s why we’re soulmates. We have to find each other, okay? Don’t give up.

I-I won’t.

Good. I missed your voice.

“I missed you too.”

24 May

It was midnight, well, possibly past midnight. And you were currently stuck inside Jeno’s not very large closet, alongside him and his friends.

Jeno’s friends were yours as well, meaning you were also friends with Donghyuck. He was a fun guy, one that always cheered you up but also joked around like it was his life. You really thought that he was going to die one day because of his love for pranking.

Then there was Mark and Renjun, who you weren’t as close with, but who were still good friends. Especially Mark, being all flustered and innocent all time, it really caught up on him when he’d be dared to ask a girl out. His excuse was always, “She’s not my soulmate!”

And then there was Jaemin and Jisung. They were the quieter bunch out of everyone else, but still fun to be around. Sometimes you thought that they were a little too secluded to themselves, and you tried to break them out of their boxes, but it was hard to.

Jaemin, especially, was the only other person in the group that had not found their soulmate. You two were common in that, and Jeno often offered for you to talk to him about it, but you weren’t sure if it was appropriate. You could tell, he was searching just as hard as you were, so much that he could barely even build a friendship with you. Likewise, a relationship.

“Okay! Spinning!” Donghyuck announced, taking the empty glass bottle and giving it a twist, and then leaning back against the wall. “Whoever it lands on has to confess something they’ve never done before.”

“What?” Mark asked confusedly, looking from him to you to Jeno. “I thought you were supposed to kiss whoever it landed on.”

“If you wanted me to kiss you, you could’ve just asked—”

The bottle stopped, the tip landing in front of Renjun. Everyone looked towards him. “Well?”

“Um, I’ve never kissed a guy.”

Before anyone could protest about his horribly heterosexual answer (because everyone knew he was the straightest guy there, after Mark of course), he took the chance to spin it the bottle.

It landed on Donghyuck, who rolled his eyes playfully, pointing to his lips drunkenly. “C’mon, baby, gimme me a kiss.”

You laughed out loud, clutching your stomach as Renjun started dodging the boy unsuccessfully. He didn’t stop until he got his kiss, making Mark look away all flustered as if he was the one kissed.

She’s pretty. Your heart almost stopped at the words pulsating through your mind from your soulmate, your smile falling instantly.

Who’s pretty? You were almost scared to ask, wondering if he had even meant to share that thought with you. But you could hear his chuckle, almost as if he was trying to cover up a mistake.

Jaemin shuffled uncomfortably in his seat, looking away on the gaze he had on you. His heart dropped, realizing what he had just done. My mom. She’s beautiful. I wish you could meet her.

He shook his head, glancing back at you before thinking to himself. Why’d she hear that? Jaemin’s eyes moved towards you again, seeing your demeanor as different than before. Maybe? But there’s no way, she already found her soulmate, right?

Who already found her soulmate? Jaemin could’ve spit out water if there was any in his mouth, but instead, he focused on Jeno’s laughing figure.

Huh? Oh, my friend. Sorry, baby, I keep bothering you with my weird thoughts. You thought he sounded a little odd, but you shook it off. He wouldn’t lie to you, that wasn’t like him.

Okay.

19 June

Today’s my last day of school. You tell your soulmate as you walked down your street, looking side to side before crossing the road. I can’t believe senior year’s over already. I feel like I was a freshman yesterday.

Hmm, really? Today’s my last day too. Are you sure we aren’t just the same person, baby? We’re so similar. He chuckled shortly after that, warming your heart a little. One day closer to seeing you.

That seemed to be your soulmate’s catch phrase lately, a little way of encouraging the both of you to get through the day: the promise of seeing each other. You giggled out loud, getting closer to the school.

You’re really optimistic, you know?

Only for you, baby. I can feel it, we’re gonna find each other soon. I’m finally gonna see how beautiful you really are.

You blushed at the words, grinning stupidly as you made it through the front door. Yeah? What if you’re more beautiful? What do we do then?

That’s not possible. His voice sounded so certain, as if he had already seen you a hundred times over and couldn’t get enough. You’re the most beautiful person I know.

Jaemin, who was sitting at his desk staring at his phone blankly, was also smiling widely. He felt the wave of pleasure and happiness wash over you, bathing him as well. The butterflies in his stomach were now in yours as well.

You’re so flirty. Your giggle was like heaven to him, making his insides turn over and over again as he wished to hear it again. I like it.

I like your voice. A lot. Does is sound the same in real life? Your laugh, it sounds so nice. Wait, can you sing?

Inside my head? I don’t know if I can think lyrics, though. I can’t really sing in reality, so I’m gonna assume that it sounds just as bad in your head—and mine.

Jaemin let out a breathless chuckle, shaking his head to himself. You’re voice is my favorite, it’s like music to me. I could hear you talk for hours and I’d still listen.

Oh? Is that why you don’t tell me to shut up when I have a rant in the common mind room? You like my—voice, or like, thought voice?

I love it. And I can’t believe you just called this the ‘common mind room.’ The proper term is ‘soulmate reading room.’

And who said so?

Me, baby.

15 July

Jaemin shot up from his bed, feeling hot and sticky from the heat. He wasn’t sure why his sleep had been so rudely interrupted, but he sure had an idea when he felt a wave of deep pleasure course through him, making blood flow straight to where it really mattered.

He didn’t want to intrude on your thoughts, but he couldn’t help but stick his hands down his boxers and pull out his erect dick. It was throbbing, and the waves of pleasure being sent through him only made it worse.

Baby. You could barely think of any words to fill your head as you heard his voice deep in your mind, almost as if scolding you. You’re going to make me cum so fast, baby, slow down. God, it feels so good.

I’m sorry. Your voice sounded like it was pleading to him, asking for forgiveness immediately. But you couldn’t help but bring your fingers back down to your core, swiveling at the wetness that had developed. I think I had a dream about—something.

Jaemin wished he could imagine you, writhing underneath his grip as his tongue licked patiently down your gorgeous slit. Even the thought was so—sinful, and you heard each and every word of it, making it only more pleasurable to you.

Do you like it? Do you like it when you touch yourself, baby? How good does it feel, can you tell me? His words were filthy, and even though it was all in your head, it only heightened the arousal. Tell me how good you fuck yourself.

Your mind swerved at the thought, your fingers slowly entering your hole as you let out a small moan, trying not to make too much of a scene. Even though you were sure sounds like that couldn’t have been transmitted to your soulmate, it somehow did.

Fuck, you sound so pretty. He hummed, and it was more a sweet sound to your ear rather than your mind, making you buck your hips up and clench around your fingers. I wish I could see you right now. Fucking yourself so well.

You could fuck me better. You couldn’t help but have the thoughts pop up in your mind, swallowing a whine that he hears as well. As you felt the buildup of your orgasm, it increased quickly in less than a second, almost causing you to scream. Fuck, fuck, you’re gonna make me cum. Please.

I want you to cum, baby. Cum all over those pretty little fingers of yours. Think it’s me, it’s my hand, my fingers fucking you so good. C’mon baby, do it. I want to feel you.

Before he could say anymore, you had already come undone, your juices spilling down your thighs as you trembled. Thighs shaking, you muffled another whine with the sinking of your teeth into your sheets.

Just as you thought it was over, a second one can crashing down just as fast. You screamed into your pillow, color bursting into your eyes and your voice pleading over and over again for him, him, him. It was so good, so good that it felt wrong when your uncontrollable shaking slowly ceased.

Oh my god. I think I just ascended into the afterlife. That felt way too good. I can’t believe I felt it too, oh fuck.

Yeah, baby. It’s that good. I could cum over and over again just for you. Just to hear your voice in my mind whimpering like that, hmm, I’d do it everyday. Fuck, you’re making me so horny, baby, you’re so hot.

You couldn’t help but tiredly giggle at his statement, feeling a little proud of yourself for not only making yourself feel good, but your soulmate as well. I didn’t know that was something we could do.

You didn’t?

Wait, you did?!

I didn’t do it for so long because you never touched yourself like this before, baby. You’ve never orgasmed before. This was your first time.

You turned around in your bed, your legs feeling disgustingly sticky now. But you were far to lazy to clean up, and resorted to cuddling yourself in your blankets.

Wouldn’t it be your first time too?

There was a pause, and you wondered for a moment if he had fallen asleep. But he came back, his chuckle vibrating again.

Of course. I didn’t want to scare you before, so I didn’t try anything with myself. Hmm, but god I’m so glad you did. That was—hmm, so good.

We should do it again.

Oh fuck yes, baby, we’ll do it again. And I’ll, hmm, make you feel so good when I find you. So fucking good, I promise. Better than you felt just now.

But you didn’t hear those last thoughts, your mind drifting off into another land without your soulmate. Jaemin felt it, smiling to himself softly as he closed his own eyes, letting his sleep take him away.

I love you.

16 July

It was nine in the evening when your best friend decided to scare the living shit out of you by climbing through your bedroom window (it was a regular occurrence, but it didn’t make it any more normal) to drag you out of your house.

He was taking you camping, at least that’s what he mumbled as he ‘packed’ a bag for you, which you were looking through later in his car, realizing he had nicely packed useless shirts but not one pair of shorts.

“I’m gonna have to wear these shorts for next few days, you know!” You slapped his arm, but all he did was roll his eyes, continuing to drive to the camp ground. “And why didn’t you care to inform me of this earlier?”

“Well, you would’ve said no and I would’ve just climbed through your window anyway, so I thought I could save the whole ‘no’ part and just surprise you. So...surprise!”

It sure was a surprise indeed when you realized how many people were at the actual campsite. All of the guys were there, along with their respective soulmates. It made your heart drop a little as you saw Jeno walk off to his love, and even looking around, you couldn’t help but dull at the thought.

Jisung and his girlfriend were sitting at the edge by the river, talking softly amongst each other as they giggled. Even seeing the youngest boy so happy made you feel—pity for yourself, and you had to shake your head a few times to get rid of the envy.

“Y/N!” You turned around to Jeno’s girlfriend’s voice. She had a marshmallow and a stick in her hand, gesturing for you to come over to the bonfire that Mark somehow actually made without hurting himself.

As you reached her, you took a seat beside her, gasping a bit when she wrapped an arm around your shoulders, nuzzling her head against yours. “I missed you.”

“Me too.”

She was a good friend of yours, definitely not as close as you were with Jeno as she didn’t go to the same school as the two of you. But she as the sisterly figure that you always needed in your life, cheering you up and loving you to death.

Everyone eventually gathered around the fire, roasting their marshmallows and singing loudly to the trashy music blasting from Donghyuck’s speaker. Your eyes scanned through the circle, and your eyes fell on the only other single person in the crowd: Jaemin.

He was standing next to Renjun and his girlfriend, smiling alongside everyone else as they continued to have fun. As you let your eyes linger for a moment longer, he looked up, locking your gaze with his.

You offered him a small smile, feeling like it would be rude to just ignore him and he returned it, calming your nerves a little bit. God, why am I so nervous around him?

I don’t know, baby, try not to be.

You paused in the middle of your s’more, blinking a few times at the response from your soulmate. Wait, you heard that?

Um, not sure if you realized but we share a mind.

Looking away briefly, you watched as Chenle dramatically revealed the food that he had bought before arriving here. But I didn’t want you to hear that.

Ouch, that kinda hurt, baby.

You chuckled internally, smiling at his fake hurt voice, focusing back on eating your s’more. Just as you finished, you felt to hands on your back, pushing you towards the side.

Stumbling, you looked up to Jeno’s girlfriend, who had her arms crossed with a funny sort of stern look on her face. You looked over at Jisung, who gave you a apologetic look for his (reluctant) hard push.

“So I heard that you have memory issues? Memory issues that affect how much your eating, that’s what Jeno here tells me. Now, is it because you actually have a memory loss problem or do you just not eat?”

You glanced at Jeno, who was just looking at you with wide eyes. “Hey, I eat! I just—forget sometimes. I’m alone this whole summer, I suck at cooking, and I’m broke so...I just usually forget to eat.”

“Well, that excuse is not gonna work today!”

A plate of friend chicken was pushed into your hand by Chenle’s girlfriend, who gave you a sweet smile as you made your way back to your seat.

It was past midnight now, the darkness seemed to overtake everything else around the camp ground, making the river look colder. The chirping of the crickets was still there, their volume increasing as each hour passed.

Jaemin had watched the scene from farther away, and it confused him as he watched you eat. How does she forget something like that? Wouldn’t it...hurt?

I don’t know, baby, wouldn’t it?

Your voice was a mock of his sentence from earlier, and there was a brief silence. See, you didn’t want me to hear that, right?

I don’t know; that’s weird.

It was weird, usually when you didn’t want your soulmate to hear your personal thoughts, you could close it off to them. But lately, it seemed to do exactly the opposite. Maybe, it was a glitch in the system?

Or maybe we’re getting closer to finding each other. He sighed, the hopefulness that was usually in his voice gone without a trace. I don’t know anymore, baby.

Me neither.

“Okay, I love you all to death, but I need my sleep.” Jeno’s girlfriend announced, the music finally ceasing and allowing the quietness engulf the area. “There are seven tents, so claim yours. Me and Jeno have the blue one.”

Each of the couples went one after the other, claiming their tents quickly until you were left with, naturally—

“I guess we’re sharing, then?” Jaemin came up from behind you, handing over your bag that he probably picked up from the ground earlier. “If you want to? I can ask one of the guys—”

“No, no it’s okay. I don’t mind.”

He nodded, making his way to the tent that was left over for the other couple’s hoarding: the one closest to the river. It was a little eerie, especially when he opened up the tent to the light inside.

In a simple sense, it was small. The sleeping bags were much to close to each other for a couple of friends, but there wasn’t anything else to do as you glanced over at the boy.

“I’ll take the one over there,” you gestured to the one farthest from the entrance, but then added, “unless you want to?”

“Go for it, I don’t mind.” His voice rang from your answer earlier as you made your way inside, settling down on the sleeping bag you recognized as Jeno’s. This is gonna be awkward.

What’s gonna be awkward?

You pulled out a water bottle from your bag, taking a few sips. I’m just in a little bit of an awkward situation right now, that’s all.

Well, do you wanna have sex?

The water you had just put into your mouth came spitting out, wetting your clothes as the bottle titled. The shock of your soulmate’s random thought had hit you hard, and now your shorts were drenched with dirty water.

Jaemin looked over at you, seeing you suddenly look like you went swimming in the river with your clothes on. “Are you okay?”

“Um,” you stood up, examining yourself. “Y-Yeah, it just—went down the wrong pipe, I guess.” I’m soaked, fuck. At least the sheets aren’t wet though.

“Wait,” the boy ruffled through his bag, pulling out a small towel and handing it to you. “I can leave if you want to change?”

“Thanks,” you dabbed at your skin, trying to get the water off yourself as best as you could. “If you don’t mind...”

Nodding, he unzipped the tent, stepping outside to leave you in your own thoughts. What the fuck?!

What? Do you not want to?

I just said I’m in an awkward situation and you want to have sex?! What kind of logic is that? You pulled off your clothes, throwing over one of the over-sized shirts that Jeno had very nicely remembered to stuff in your bag.

It could ease the height of the situation!

You scoffed, wiping away the rest of the water on your body as you heard your soulmate’s familiar chuckle. There are other people here, I’m not doing anything.

As you made your way to the entrance of the tent, you felt an odd wave pass through your body, making your core pulsate involuntarily. I could make you cum in front of all those people, hmm? You would like that, wouldn’t you? Fucking yourself for me so good?

No.

I know you do, baby. You know how?

You walked to the end of the tent, pulling down the zipper to see Jaemin’s back to you. “Jaemin,” he perked up at the sound of your voice, finally seeing you. “You can come inside.”

Because I can feel you trembling.

The way Jaemin looked in your eyes right now was breathtaking, his hair askew as he stepped back into the small lighting of the tent. You lingered on him for a moment too long, feeling the heat growing in your core immediately.

I can tell you like it.

You laid down against the pillow, your heart pounding from the arousal coursing through you. Please don’t, there are other people here. You’re gonna embarrass the fuck out of me.

Turning your back to Jaemin, you felt your entire body shiver, but not from the cold this time. He was touching himself, and you could tell from the way that his internal breathing was hitched, making you grab on tightly to the end of your bag.

“Hey, I’m gonna turn the lights out,” you heard Jaemin’s voice in the background, and you could’ve sworn that they echoed through your head as well. “Y/N?”

“Y-Yeah, okay.”

In a moment it was pitch black, allowing yourself to curl up into yourself as you felt the buildup in your stomach growing. Please, please, please.

Please, what?

Now being in the dark, your senses seemed to heighten, the pleasurable and painful throbbing to your clit being too much to ignore. You let your fingers wander to your clit, finally pressing against it, rubbing slowly. Successfully staying quiet, you dipped your fingers past your folds, feeling the wetness collect on your fingertips. You’re gonna make me cum.

I know, baby, that’s kind of the point.

Just as you started massaging against your clit a little faster, you heard a shift from Jaemin beside you, making you stop your motions for a moment. Your heart was in your throat now, the risk of being caught being so, so high. Faster, please.

You couldn’t believe that you were begging for more, but your soulmate certainly loved it. I wish I could hear you right now, baby. Hmm, you’d sound so good.

Finally, you let your fingers slip into your hole, letting out a soft sigh. It wasn’t too loud, you hoped, but the sound was amplified in Jaemin’s mind, almost making him cum at it.

Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum to your sounds, baby. Don’t stop, keep fucking yourself for me.

The dominant tone in his voice as you quickened your pace took over your body, your panting increasing as you stifles them with your pillow. You just hoped that you wouldn’t make too much of a mess, this was Jeno’s sleeping bag after all.

Jaemin, on the other hand, didn’t really give a shit. Just hearing his soulmate whine because of him turned him on so fast, making it increase his pumping. He had assumed that you had fallen asleep, at least from the soft sounds that you were releasing, so he had all the time to himself.

But he wasn’t too loud, at least he tried not to be for the sake of you. You couldn’t hear anything, however, your mind only focusing on finding your release quickly. Please, please, I need to cum.

He didn’t respond to your plead, only continuing to build the both of you up in a tighten knot. Jaemin bit down on his lip, hoping that he wasn’t breathing too loudly to wake you up, but he didn’t seem to really care when his seed spurted from his cock.

At the same time his hand was being covered in his own milky liquid, your fingers slipped out of you with ease as you shuddered, his orgasm having a huge effect on you. With a quick movement, you buried your head against the pillow, calming your breaths as quickly as possible. Hmm, fuck.

It took you a while before you finally calmed down, the throbbing between your legs stopping as you heard your soulmate’s chuckle in your head. You liked it?

Humming, you nodded as if he could see you. Yes, I liked it. Thank you. You felt your lids growing heavy with your thoughts, and your eyes finally shut with the memory of his voice in your head.

Sweet dreams, my love.

17 July

You woke up with a small jolt from inside your body, the electricity coursing through your veins strong enough to make you open your eyes to the bright light flooding the tent. The first thing you noticed, however, were the fact that you were unable to move.

Looking at the position now, you had no clue how you had even gotten here: your body snuggled close to Jaemin’s, legs tangled and his head resting against your chest. Even as you shifted slightly, he stirred gently, his arms tightening around your waist. How did I even get here? It’s so...tight.

Good morning to you too, baby. You’re awake so early.

Oh, you’re awake. You looked down at the pink hair below you, making you want to lace your fingers through it. I’m in a bit of a sticky situation again.

Jaemin scrunched up his face, still facing away from you as his legs enclosed yours tighter. He should’ve pulled away, perhaps a while ago, but something deep inside of him was telling him not to let go. What’s wrong?

Huh? Nothing, it’s just another...awkward situation I got myself into. You struggled against his grip, trying at least to get your arms out, but they were trapped.

What happened? Jaemin could hear the sound of your racing heart, increasing with every move that either of you made. Baby?

Nothing, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine, I’m just in another awkward situation with someone and I don’t even think it’s their fault.

Jaemin’s eyes trailed down your clothed skin, landing on the exposed portion of your legs that were secured tightly under his. It was an intimate position, and he knew that he couldn’t keep you in it for too long...not unless.

He looked up slowly, his eyes meeting yours hesitantly before he stared deeply into yours. You didn’t say anything, your mind going blank as the boy in front of you stared back at you with an expression of awe on his face. He’s too close.

You’re right, I’m too close. Jaemin was hesitant with his thought, but you could hear his breathing going through your mind as he inched closer. His thought echoed in your mind, but it sounded more as if Jaemin had told you those words.

His face inched closer to yours: eyes fluttering from your eyes to lips with the parting of his mouth. Jaemin hesitated, his hands finding purchase to your back as he pressed them down, feeling the spark that ignited both of you.

You couldn’t help but feel that something was right for the first time in your life as his lips brushed past yours, almost setting them on fire from the pure ecstasy of the touch. Finally, with a single sigh leaving him, his lips pressed against yours, feeling you wholeheartedly.

And the moment it happened, you knew it. You knew that the feeling you had wasn’t just yours, not when his hand snaked up to your chin, titling it to allow him in deeper. Your tongue clashed with his, both of the wet muscles massaging each other with a slow pace as if you had waited your entire life for this moment.

You felt it, I know you felt it. Jaemin pulled at your waist, settling you under him as he planted his knees beside your hips. His hands found yours, intertwining your fingers with his. Tell me you felt it, baby.

If you aren’t kissing me right now, your thought came out cracked, your lips devouring Jaemin’s without a second thought, then I might cry.

Your soulmate chuckled, the sound vibrating in both of you and for the first time, it felt real. Everything, for once, felt like it was real. The burning touch of skin against each other, the clash of saliva; it all felt real. Well, baby, I don’t think you have to cry.

He pulled away for a brief second, eyes darting around your entire face before tears welled up in his eyes, a shaky smile breaking out. Your fingers laced through his hair, bringing him closer to kiss him again, deeper than before. We did it, baby, we did it.

You felt him crying, the pain mixing with the happiness perfectly as hot tears poured from your own eyes as well. We finally did it, we found each other.

Jaemin.

He could’ve died, he thought as he pulled you over his lap, cupping your face in his hands as if you were the most important thing in the world to him. The only thought he could never share with you was the only one he wanted to hear from your voice inside of his head; the one that reached out to him from depths beyond the love you both had for each other. And he finally heard it.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he muttered softly, burying his face into your neck, leaving a trail of feathered kisses. His hands caressed your hair softly as he looked up at you with those big eyes, the ones so full of love and joy. “I love you so much.”

You didn’t trust yourself with words, but a grin broke out from you as you watched him breakdown before you. It was the most beautiful sight; the moment of a boy confessing his love to his one and only soulmate, and you could’ve wished to live in that moment forever. 

“You’re my soulmate,” your voice was more a whisper, but he heard it, he had always heard it. Fingers pressed into the skin of his neck as he leaned against your chest again, feeling the beat of your heart. “Jaemin...”

“Yeah, that’s me,” his laugh was broken, arms holding your body so tightly as if you were going to slip away from his grasp in less than a second. “I’ve found you, baby.”

“Can you say my name again, baby? In our mind, please? I want to hear your voice again.”

I could say it a million times. Your voice echoed through his mind, and his lips found your skin again, kissing and kissing and kissing. Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin. I love you, Jaemin.

I can’t believe you were right here this whole time. It took me so long to realize that it was you all along, it was you this whole time.

“I know,” you held his head against you, the comfort radiating from him never going away. “But I’m so glad, I’m so glad it’s you.”

Me too, baby. I couldn’t have wished for anyone better.

It felt like two people in love after years of being alone. And it felt like two people meeting each other, after an entire lifetime of not meeting each other.

previous | next

[neocatharsis]

NCT’s Mark Lee on Dreams, Instagram Poetry, and Growing Up

Mark has a lot going on — but he’s making time for poetry, introspection, and, of course, the members of NCT Dream. - Vivien Wu

“I’ve been thinking about dreams a lot these days!” Mark Lee exclaims over Zoom from SM Entertainment’s Seoul headquarters.

The 21-year-old leader of NCT Dream is enthusiastic as he mulls over the meaning of dreams, his back against a wall of pink and yellow flowers assembled by his fellow NCT members. He’s wearing a simple, white tee, and when he gestures with his hands, you can catch glimpses of the friendship ring that all seven members of NCT Dream wear as a symbol of their bond.

“I actually feel like dreams hold a large portion of a life, and I’m not just talking about the subconscious dreams that we all have when we sleep,” he continues. “If you put it in a way where dreams are actually things that motivate us, and the drive that keeps us going, especially as a strongly driven person myself, I feel like… a guy with no dreams is like…” He looks up, thinking. “…A car with no engine. So, I think it’s as important as yourself. That’s how deep I go with dreams.”

His interest in dreams is fitting, considering that they are also the central, underlying concept to the lore behind NCT Dream’s parent group, NCT. They connect their three subunits, NCT 127, NCT Dream, and WayV, in a complex, Inception-inspired fictional universe where dreams are the only way they can find each other, and where upon uniting they can mix to form new subunits collectively referred to as NCT U. In practical terms, this has resulted in a 23-member mega-group that is multifaceted in every way — from their musical styles and visual aesthetics to their cultural backgrounds and spoken languages.

The 21-year-old leader of NCT Dream is enthusiastic as he mulls over the meaning of dreams, his back against a wall of pink and yellow flowers assembled by his fellow NCT members. He’s wearing a simple, white tee, and when he gestures with his hands, you can catch glimpses of the friendship ring that all seven members of NCT Dream wear as a symbol of their bond.

“I actually feel like dreams hold a large portion of a life, and I’m not just talking about the subconscious dreams that we all have when we sleep,” he continues. “If you put it in a way where dreams are actually things that motivate us, and the drive that keeps us going, especially as a strongly driven person myself, I feel like… a guy with no dreams is like…” He looks up, thinking. “…A car with no engine. So, I think it’s as important as yourself. That’s how deep I go with dreams.”

His interest in dreams is fitting, considering that they are also the central, underlying concept to the lore behind NCT Dream’s parent group, NCT. They connect their three subunits, NCT 127, NCT Dream, and WayV, in a complex, Inception-inspired fictional universe where dreams are the only way they can find each other, and where upon uniting they can mix to form new subunits collectively referred to as NCT U. In practical terms, this has resulted in a 23-member mega-group that is multifaceted in every way — from their musical styles and visual aesthetics to their cultural backgrounds and spoken languages.

NCT Dream’s original teenage concept meant that members were supposed to “graduate” when they came of age, and as the oldest, Mark was the first to leave the group at the end of 2018. Having grown attached, however, fans were devastated at his departure; after a year of separation, SM announced that the graduation system would be scrapped and that he would rejoin the group. Their new album, Hot Sauce, is the first with Mark in over two years. As fellow member Haechan declared in an interview with Teen Vogue earlier this week, “Mark [is] very special. NCT Dream means Mark.”

But before the rapper led NCT Dream, and before he joined NCT U and NCT 127 and SuperM — the man is in high demand — Mark’s childhood dream was writing. He grew up in Toronto, and through doing school projects and essays quickly discovered that he had a natural way with words. Inspired by Percy Jackson author Rick Riordan, Harry Potter, and James Patterson, Mark dreamt of becoming an author, long before he was recruited by SM at a global audition in Canada in 2012. “When I was in school, I was always the kind of guy who would write more than expected, and that became a thing that clicked for me,” he says. “I was like, ‘Maybe it’s something that I naturally do?’ But then that kind of turned into rap writing too, so I guess they kind of clicked together.” It explains his prolific career as a lyricist; since debuting, he’s amassed over 30 songwriting credits across his various groups, contributing to songs as iconic as NCT U’s “Boss,” NCT 127’s “Cherry Bomb,” and NCT Dream’s “Chewing Gum.”

Even with such an extensive body of work, however, penning lyrics hasn’t satiated his appetite for literary expression. In an interview with Japanese magazine Men’s Non-No, he revealed that he still hopes one day to write a book, whether that be a novel, autobiography, or something more philosophical.

In the meantime, he’s taken to writing what are basically short poems on his Instagram, which he created just a few months ago. He’s gathered over 4.5 million followers since then, but having such a large audience hasn’t deterred him from being endearingly vulnerable with the way he writes. When I refer to them as poems, he laughs and looks embarrassed, but when I ask him to tell me the stories behind them, he’s enthusiastic again. They’re short, but offer brief glimpses into Mark the writer — sharp, inquisitive, and thoughtful. As pieces of literature, they’re a little rough around the edges, but the sincerity he’s known for shines through, illuminating the introspective, philosophical side that may not be so obvious in person.

His first poem, loosely titled “Late Night Scribbling,” put into words his musings about sleep, thoughts, feelings, and writing. It meanders from topic to topic, hovering between feelings of hope and hopelessness, before ending with a comically awkward “haha.”

“I actually wrote that by imagining how I wanted to organize my Instagram page,” he explains. “I was thinking of creating an Instagram, then I realized that, well, I’m not really a picture kind of guy, I’m not really a travelling kind of guy… I kind of studied who I am first, and I [asked myself], ‘What’s something that I can really portray in an intimate way?’ and it turned out to be writing.”

“I started to brainstorm what kind of topics I could write about, and then from there on, I started to write a little each and every night, and that turned into Late Night Scribbling,” he continues. “That kind of gave me courage to start Instagram in the first place, that piece of writing.”

Two weeks later, he followed it up with “Black Socks,” a whimsical ode to, well, black socks — complete with accompanying photos of him wearing said socks. Immediately, it feels more confident and cohesive than its predecessor. Using the neat and tidy look of black socks as a metaphor, he describes his own mindset for living life: “Pleasure from perfect alignment; That also goes for my ability to be parallel with my thoughts and actions; I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep it consistent even when forgotten like a working habit.”

Comments on the posts praise his writing and encourage him to continue sharing these small pieces of himself. On the stage, Mark takes on a confident, larger-than-life persona, while in vlogs and spoken interviews, he’s a bubbly character full of laughter and boyish charm. What the poems show is that, beneath these outer appearances, there’s another layer of complexity that is yet to be fully explored, and it’s not surprising that fans want to know more.

His day job as a K-pop idol doesn’t allow a lot of time for hobbies, though, and he confesses to not having written much lately. Despite that, he’s determined to stay in the industry for as long as possible. “Longevity is something that I’ve always been aiming for,” he says. “I’m willing to do this for a long time, and that requires a lot of work. I’m willing to take that as a challenge and I’m trying to stay as long as I can, but with quality.”

That focus on quality informs his preparations for the upcoming promotions with NCT Dream. In both their fictional world and ours, NCT Dream are a central component of NCT by virtue of their unique focus on growth — the seven members were aged between 14 and 17 when the group first debuted in 2016. Fast-forward five years, and the members are now 19 to 21, having reached a milestone in January when the youngest, Jisung, finally became a legal adult in Korea. When asked if he feels like an adult yet, though, Mark gives an extremely relatable answer with zero hesitation.

“I still feel like I’m in middle school, I’m gonna be totally honest. I swear to God, I feel like I’m… All right, I’ll put it up — I feel like I’m in high school!” He laughs. “I even had this talk with Jisung, ‘cos he’s the latest that turned into an adult. He said that he still feels like he’s a student, he doesn’t feel like he’s 20 [19 in international age] right now.”

It’s been a long time since all seven Dream members — Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung — have released an album together, and as the first full-length album since their debut, the fan anticipation is palpably intense. Mark himself has mentioned in various vlogs how important he believes this comeback to be, and that conviction becomes obvious whenever he talks about it.

“We had a talk all together, the seven of us, without any cameras or anything. I brought all the guys together and we talked before the whole momentum started, and I said that I’m willing to put my everything on this one. Like, I always had, but I feel like… the whole universe, or like— ” He pauses, trying to figure out how to articulate himself, and his next line is the most emphatic of our whole conversation. “There are things that are out of our control, but we can see and feel when the pieces match together sometimes, and I feel like this specific moment, this particular album, kind of had those essential parts.”

He’s thinking about all of the context surrounding this comeback: the group’s coming of age, the reunion of all seven members, the scale of the album, the fact that Jisung has only just recovered from a leg injury that meant he couldn’t dance for months — even the fact that 2020 was, against all odds, the best year yet for NCT, with release after release bringing them unprecedented success and momentum.

“I felt that coming and I explained all of that [to the group],” he continues. “This whole period of time has a lot of meaning to it, and we’re not taking that for granted, we’re working hard.” With everything that’s happened, Hot Sauce is a historic moment for NCT Dream, and that’s been reflected in their numbers — the album clocked over 1.7 million pre-orders, obliterating their previous record of 500,000 for last year’s EP, Reload.

Their familial bond and the success that has come with it is the culmination of years spent living, working, and growing up together. The members have collectively missed out on key experiences that most teenagers might take for granted, distanced as they are from normal life, and the group also benefits from an unusually loose adherence to traditional Korean age hierarchy. The result is a brotherhood that goes beyond just being colleagues. “What we have is pretty intimate, and it’s also genuine,” Mark says.

About his role, he is matter of fact. “I’m by far the most easily approachable punching bag for the team. I am not… complaining…” He laughs. “But all jokes aside, I feel like my role for this team… Yes, I am the oldest and I am the leader but I’m also… In Korea, in the culture, age is very important, but we’ve come so far that all those borders kind of just vanished and we’re all pretty much friends, and I guess I’m just a friend of theirs too.”

It’s true that, despite being the leader, his friendly personality and endearingly awkward mannerisms mean that he commands about as much authority as a small puppy. Instead, much like a puppy, he is showered with love and affection (fellow member Chenle refers to Mark as his son and his actual puppy Daegal as Mark’s little sister), but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a dependable leader figure. The opposite is true — in Renjun’s words, Mark’s presence unites the group in a way that makes him irreplaceable.

The 21-year-old leader of NCT Dream is enthusiastic as he mulls over the meaning of dreams, his back against a wall of pink and yellow flowers assembled by his fellow NCT members. He’s wearing a simple, white tee, and when he gestures with his hands, you can catch glimpses of the friendship ring that all seven members of NCT Dream wear as a symbol of their bond.

“I actually feel like dreams hold a large portion of a life, and I’m not just talking about the subconscious dreams that we all have when we sleep,” he continues. “If you put it in a way where dreams are actually things that motivate us, and the drive that keeps us going, especially as a strongly driven person myself, I feel like… a guy with no dreams is like…” He looks up, thinking. “…A car with no engine. So, I think it’s as important as yourself. That’s how deep I go with dreams.”

His interest in dreams is fitting, considering that they are also the central, underlying concept to the lore behind NCT Dream’s parent group, NCT. They connect their three subunits, NCT 127, NCT Dream, and WayV, in a complex, Inception-inspired fictional universe where dreams are the only way they can find each other, and where upon uniting they can mix to form new subunits collectively referred to as NCT U. In practical terms, this has resulted in a 23-member mega-group that is multifaceted in every way — from their musical styles and visual aesthetics to their cultural backgrounds and spoken languages.

NCT Dream’s original teenage concept meant that members were supposed to “graduate” when they came of age, and as the oldest, Mark was the first to leave the group at the end of 2018. Having grown attached, however, fans were devastated at his departure; after a year of separation, SM announced that the graduation system would be scrapped and that he would rejoin the group. Their new album, Hot Sauce, is the first with Mark in over two years. As fellow member Haechan declared in an interview with Teen Vogue earlier this week, “Mark [is] very special. NCT Dream means Mark.”

But before the rapper led NCT Dream, and before he joined NCT U and NCT 127 and SuperM — the man is in high demand — Mark’s childhood dream was writing. He grew up in Toronto, and through doing school projects and essays quickly discovered that he had a natural way with words. Inspired by Percy Jackson author Rick Riordan, Harry Potter, and James Patterson, Mark dreamt of becoming an author, long before he was recruited by SM at a global audition in Canada in 2012. “When I was in school, I was always the kind of guy who would write more than expected, and that became a thing that clicked for me,” he says. “I was like, ‘Maybe it’s something that I naturally do?’ But then that kind of turned into rap writing too, so I guess they kind of clicked together.” It explains his prolific career as a lyricist; since debuting, he’s amassed over 30 songwriting credits across his various groups, contributing to songs as iconic as NCT U’s “Boss,” NCT 127’s “Cherry Bomb,” and NCT Dream’s “Chewing Gum.”

Even with such an extensive body of work, however, penning lyrics hasn’t satiated his appetite for literary expression. In an interview with Japanese magazine Men’s Non-No, he revealed that he still hopes one day to write a book, whether that be a novel, autobiography, or something more philosophical.

In the meantime, he’s taken to writing what are basically short poems on his Instagram, which he created just a few months ago. He’s gathered over 4.5 million followers since then, but having such a large audience hasn’t deterred him from being endearingly vulnerable with the way he writes. When I refer to them as poems, he laughs and looks embarrassed, but when I ask him to tell me the stories behind them, he’s enthusiastic again. They’re short, but offer brief glimpses into Mark the writer — sharp, inquisitive, and thoughtful. As pieces of literature, they’re a little rough around the edges, but the sincerity he’s known for shines through, illuminating the introspective, philosophical side that may not be so obvious in person.

His first poem, loosely titled “Late Night Scribbling,” put into words his musings about sleep, thoughts, feelings, and writing. It meanders from topic to topic, hovering between feelings of hope and hopelessness, before ending with a comically awkward “haha.”

“I actually wrote that by imagining how I wanted to organize my Instagram page,” he explains. “I was thinking of creating an Instagram, then I realized that, well, I’m not really a picture kind of guy, I’m not really a travelling kind of guy… I kind of studied who I am first, and I [asked myself], ‘What’s something that I can really portray in an intimate way?’ and it turned out to be writing.”

“I started to brainstorm what kind of topics I could write about, and then from there on, I started to write a little each and every night, and that turned into Late Night Scribbling,” he continues. “That kind of gave me courage to start Instagram in the first place, that piece of writing.”

Two weeks later, he followed it up with “Black Socks,” a whimsical ode to, well, black socks — complete with accompanying photos of him wearing said socks. Immediately, it feels more confident and cohesive than its predecessor. Using the neat and tidy look of black socks as a metaphor, he describes his own mindset for living life: “Pleasure from perfect alignment; That also goes for my ability to be parallel with my thoughts and actions; I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep it consistent even when forgotten like a working habit.”

Comments on the posts praise his writing and encourage him to continue sharing these small pieces of himself. On the stage, Mark takes on a confident, larger-than-life persona, while in vlogs and spoken interviews, he’s a bubbly character full of laughter and boyish charm. What the poems show is that, beneath these outer appearances, there’s another layer of complexity that is yet to be fully explored, and it’s not surprising that fans want to know more.

His day job as a K-pop idol doesn’t allow a lot of time for hobbies, though, and he confesses to not having written much lately. Despite that, he’s determined to stay in the industry for as long as possible. “Longevity is something that I’ve always been aiming for,” he says. “I’m willing to do this for a long time, and that requires a lot of work. I’m willing to take that as a challenge and I’m trying to stay as long as I can, but with quality.”

That focus on quality informs his preparations for the upcoming promotions with NCT Dream. In both their fictional world and ours, NCT Dream are a central component of NCT by virtue of their unique focus on growth — the seven members were aged between 14 and 17 when the group first debuted in 2016. Fast-forward five years, and the members are now 19 to 21, having reached a milestone in January when the youngest, Jisung, finally became a legal adult in Korea. When asked if he feels like an adult yet, though, Mark gives an extremely relatable answer with zero hesitation.

“I still feel like I’m in middle school, I’m gonna be totally honest. I swear to God, I feel like I’m… All right, I’ll put it up — I feel like I’m in high school!” He laughs. “I even had this talk with Jisung, ‘cos he’s the latest that turned into an adult. He said that he still feels like he’s a student, he doesn’t feel like he’s 20 [19 in international age] right now.”

It’s been a long time since all seven Dream members — Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung — have released an album together, and as the first full-length album since their debut, the fan anticipation is palpably intense. Mark himself has mentioned in various vlogs how important he believes this comeback to be, and that conviction becomes obvious whenever he talks about it.

“We had a talk all together, the seven of us, without any cameras or anything. I brought all the guys together and we talked before the whole momentum started, and I said that I’m willing to put my everything on this one. Like, I always had, but I feel like… the whole universe, or like— ” He pauses, trying to figure out how to articulate himself, and his next line is the most emphatic of our whole conversation. “There are things that are out of our control, but we can see and feel when the pieces match together sometimes, and I feel like this specific moment, this particular album, kind of had those essential parts.”

He’s thinking about all of the context surrounding this comeback: the group’s coming of age, the reunion of all seven members, the scale of the album, the fact that Jisung has only just recovered from a leg injury that meant he couldn’t dance for months — even the fact that 2020 was, against all odds, the best year yet for NCT, with release after release bringing them unprecedented success and momentum.

“I felt that coming and I explained all of that [to the group],” he continues. “This whole period of time has a lot of meaning to it, and we’re not taking that for granted, we’re working hard.” With everything that’s happened, Hot Sauce is a historic moment for NCT Dream, and that’s been reflected in their numbers — the album clocked over 1.7 million pre-orders, obliterating their previous record of 500,000 for last year’s EP, Reload.

Their familial bond and the success that has come with it is the culmination of years spent living, working, and growing up together. The members have collectively missed out on key experiences that most teenagers might take for granted, distanced as they are from normal life, and the group also benefits from an unusually loose adherence to traditional Korean age hierarchy. The result is a brotherhood that goes beyond just being colleagues. “What we have is pretty intimate, and it’s also genuine,” Mark says.

About his role, he is matter of fact. “I’m by far the most easily approachable punching bag for the team. I am not… complaining…” He laughs. “But all jokes aside, I feel like my role for this team… Yes, I am the oldest and I am the leader but I’m also… In Korea, in the culture, age is very important, but we’ve come so far that all those borders kind of just vanished and we’re all pretty much friends, and I guess I’m just a friend of theirs too.”

It’s true that, despite being the leader, his friendly personality and endearingly awkward mannerisms mean that he commands about as much authority as a small puppy. Instead, much like a puppy, he is showered with love and affection (fellow member Chenle refers to Mark as his son and his actual puppy Daegal as Mark’s little sister), but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a dependable leader figure. The opposite is true — in Renjun’s words, Mark’s presence unites the group in a way that makes him irreplaceable.

And while this may be the fifth year since their debut, in the grand scheme of things, the members of NCT Dream are still very, very young — by most standards, they would still be considered to have their entire careers ahead of them. Growth has brought them here, but where does Mark think it will take them in the future?

“Growing just never stops for us, I can see us growing continuously, endlessly,” he replies. “What the future holds is something that we will never know, but we always do try to prepare during the present, and so with whatever time we have currently and with whatever album, or whatever stage, or whatever piece of music it may be, we’re willing to make sure that we have the next one coming too.”

A final thought. “I’m glad that we’re striving for that, ‘cos we started off as…” Mark shakes his head, “…as babies.”

© Teen Vogue

[hwabang]

Could you possibly write a stray kids reaction to their s/o being stressed out over school?

STRAY KIDS Reaction: s/o stressed over school

A/N: My first official request on Tumblr!!! Thank you~❤️ I relate to this SO much, so yes, I can do it🥰 Ultimately I think they’d all try to alleviate the stress one way or another😇

Genre: Fluff

Requested: Yes!!

Warnings: None; just talking about school stress, but this is gn!!

————————

Bang Chan:

Chan would want to do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to relieve you of your stress, but he doesn’t want to come off as too clingy. So I think the best solution he could come up with is first asking you to take a break and talk to him. He’d ask you what exactly about school is stressing you out, and he’ll try to help you in any way that he can. That doesn’t mean he’ll do the work for you (if he’s whipped enough he might write your essay) but he’ll definitely sit down with you and help you organize your thoughts/prioritize what’s necessary. He’d bring you snacks too~

“Okay baby cmon, let’s go take a walk and talk about what’s bothering you okay? We can come back in 10-15 minutes and I’ll help you get organized.”

Lee Know:

Minho would be more quiet and let you be. I think he’d resize you’re stressed, but he wouldn’t do much unless you straight up tell him it’s too much, or he sees you breaking down. In that case I think he’d opt for massaging your shoulders, then telling you to take a little break so you can go back to your work with a clear mind. During your break he’d probably also be one to make you a snack/meal and he’d feed it to you by hand🥺 Minho’s also a really good listener, so he’d definitely sit with you while you eat and rant (he’ll just be the listener unless you want advice)

“Ah... well I think she should’ve explained it better. Next time just email her to prevent that from happening again.”

Changbin:

I think Changbin is the type to be like “Oh let me see it? Yeah, yeah I think I can help you with it.” I don’t know much about their student lives, but Changbin strikes me as someone who was fairly good in school, so he would try to help you understand the content, if that’s what you’re struggling with in the school stress aspect. If you understand it and it’s a matter of not being motivated to do it, he’d try to motivate you because manz has a way with words

Hyunjin:

“Hey Hyunjinnie do you think you could help me with number 4-“

“AHHH! NO!”

... Uh, yeah good luck. Hyunjin isn’t helping you mostly because he doesn’t remember and/or understand because school is ✨yuck✨ and he’d rather not think about it. However, Hyunjin does understand that school is important for you because you want to do academically well to get your dream job. Jinnie cares about your mental health (like all of SKZ) so he’d prompt you to take a break. If you’re head on about finishing your assignments before taking a break, he’ll become serious and try to motivate you to the best of his ability. He’s the type to offer to sit with you and kiss you for each question you answer (correctly or not). He’d also probably lay in your lap while you type away on your computer, completely focused and seldom bringing one hand to his luscious hair while you reread what you wrote.

Han:

Again, I don’t have much idea about their school lives but I don’t think Jisung cared too much about school 💀 which probably means he won’t be as helpful in solving your math problems for you. I mean he’ll try, but you’re better off asking Google. Like Changbin, he’ll try to motivate you with his words and he’ll sit there with you till you’re done no matter how long that may be. Might even bring some fruit or cheesecake and feed you while you work (🥺)

“Hey, look at me. I know this is hard. I’m sorry I’m not much help but you can do it okay? If it’s too hard, then throw it away! It’s your teacher’s fault you don’t get it. But I want you to try your best okay? Remember I’m your #1 fan. Let’s try this again yeah? LETS GET IT WOOH!”

Felix:

“Fuck it. Let’s go make brownies!”

Felix doesn’t give a flying fuck. I mean yes, education is important but if he sees you breaking down because of a few assignments that won’t matter in 10 years, he’s going to do the one thing he knows he can do to (temporarily) distract you; making you food!

So he’d probably ask you to come bake with him do you can clear your mind, and then he’d try to coax you back into working (because he doesn’t want his baby to be sad because they didn’t do an assignment 🙃)

“Good brownies right? Well, now let’s see if you have enough energy to finish that project! I can proof read anything you want.”

Seungmin:

“Honey, why don’t I try to teach it to you? I remember learning this.”

Tutor Minnie!! Baby wants to help you with your homework as much as possible. He’d probably be able to help you a LOT which you are absolutely greatful for. He’s not doing any of the work for you; of course he wants to transfer all of your stress to him but he knows that you learning the content would be more beneficial for you than him just doing it without explaining anything. So he’d sit there for HOURS if needed, all to help you understand your school content. He’d praise you for getting things correct/learning the concept

“It’s okay, it’s not an easy concept. Let’s go get a snack and we’ll come back to it okay? I can explain it in another way.”

I.N:

Honestly at first I had no idea how he’d react

Jeongin would feel terrible. It hasn’t been long since he was sitting at his desk all day cramming for exams; he remembers all of the breakdowns and sleepless nights. He hated how it effected him and he hates seeing the same thing happening to you. So he’d probably take care of you the way he wished he took care of himself; forcing you to take at least a 5 min break every 30 min or so, making sure you’re hydrated and eating, helping you section off the content so you can focus on one topic every 30 min interval. He wouldn’t know exactly what to do but he knows that he just doesn’t want you to suffer because of school stress. So he will definitely spend a good chunk of his time getting you to relax

“You’ve been at it for 2 hours.. okay. Let’s go to the restaurant across the street. We’ll take the food to go and I can help you study while we eat”

———————————

Thank you once again for all of the requests! I’ll try my best to update multiple times a week so no one thinks I’m dead 😂

I’m sorry if this felt rushed... it’s been an interesting day 😅😅

Anon I hope you enjoyed!!

❤️❤️all the love to anyone reading this❤️❤️

[straykidsupdate]

STRAY KIDS INSPIRE THEIR GENERATION TO PICK UP THE MIC

K-POP’S YOUNG DISRUPTORS NAVIGATE ADULTHOOD ALONGSIDE THEIR FANS

Stray Kids are fighting with their fans to determine who adores the other most. The fans started it, erupting into an impromptu chant inside Microsoft Theater in downtown Los Angeles: "We love you! We love you!," they shout, repeatedly. The sound is deafening, catching the boy band off guard. The eight members retaliate with their own impassioned chorus. "We love Stay," they respond, referencing their legions of international devotees. Both sides scream until, ultimately, Stray Kids admit defeat; they stand awkwardly onstage, apparently unsure how to receive the unrivaled adulation. Bang Chan, the Korean group's steadfast leader, looks around the venue in awe, while sensible vocalist Seungmin makes a heart with his hands and points to the crowd, resolved to have the last word.

This is not the first time Stray Kids has lost the battle of who-loves-who. It’s happened in cities across the United States, from New York to Dallas, amidst their District 9: Unlock world tour. It's canon, chiseled into the group's short but colorful history, alongside such viral moments as "Seungmin in the building" and "I'm not gonna leave you behind." Displays of affection between idols and fans are nothing new but, with Stray Kids, they’re never forced.

"It doesn't matter how old you are," Bang Chan tells the crowd mid-show, intensity building with every word. "It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, or whoever you choose to be. It doesn't matter where you're from — everyone is welcome in our special district."

Two weeks prior to this performance, Stray Kids — Bang Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N — are gazing from a conference room in a Times Square skyscraper. The sky is gray, but that doesn't deter Hyunjin from posing for a series of selfies against the floor-to-ceiling window. As the lithe dancer works his angles, his bandmates are scattered throughout the room. Han props his phone against the room’s A/V controls to watch an anime; Bang Chan hunches over his own phone, thumbing the screen intently; Lee Know rests his eyes; and Australia-born Felix gossips about last night's Grammy Awards. Like any teen, he's obsessed with Billie Eilish, and her historic Grammys sweep is hard for him to fathom. "Can you believe it?" he says, eyes wide and sparkling. "She's only 18. It's amazing."

But at 19, the deep-voiced rapper, whose delicate features betray his cherry-red hair, has similarly found success at a young age. Within a year of their 2018 debut, Stray Kids received 11 rookie awards and released five EPs. In fact, while Eilish and her brother Finneas were crafting homemade beats in a Highland Park bedroom, JYP Entertainment's tenacious boy wonders were honing their own unique sound in a small studio in Seoul, South Korea. Members Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han comprise the group's primary production trio, 3RACHA, and they've been making music together since their trainee days in 2017. Introspective early tracks like "Start Line" and "Runner's High" laid the foundation for Stray Kids' sonic identity: With the disruptive power of punk, they deliver astute, poignant lyrics about the bristly experience of growing up and its side effects.

"The things we worry about and the things Stay worry about — we share a lot of the same struggles," Han tells MTV News. "Even though our ambitions are different, we work hard just the same. It becomes our inspiration musically." As the creative force behind two of the group's more vulnerable cuts, "19" and "Sunshine," the 19-year-old rapper reveals his innermost thoughts and anxieties to the fans. But that honesty can be frightening.

"It's nerve-racking for us," Bang Chan says. "Sometimes we think, 'If we talk about this, will people understand? Will they relate?' We're always thinking about how we can reach people through our lyrics because we want our music to help."

That empathy has been woven throughout their music from the beginning. Stray Kids’ first singles, the pre-debut track "Hellevator" and the darkly riotous "District 9," are full of angst and aggression, soundtracks for those who balk at societal pressures and follow their own rules. "My Pace" is an empowering anthem teeming with energy and affirmations. ("Don't compare yourself with others," Bang Chan sings on the hook. "It's OK to run slower.") Songs like "Voices" and "Side Effects" offer an intimate glimpse into the tumultuous mind of a young person still figuring out their place in the world, while "Miroh" and "Victory Song" are bursting with big sounds and youthful bravado.

"Young people today may feel a bit trapped, like you're constantly being told what to do and you feel like you can't speak for yourself," Bang Chan says. "So we want people our age to feel comfortable speaking out and talking about what they think."

By encouraging their fans to examine their own growing pains, to feel everything, they ensure that their message is never didactic. "All strayed steps come together to make a new road," they say at their concert. And with their latest release, "Levanter," off their sixth EP Clé: Levanter, Stray Kids come to the understanding that the journey is more meaningful than the destination, and the path ahead is ultimately theirs to define. So they double knot their shoelaces and dash full-speed ahead. "We might not know what the actual goal is, but as long as we're running hard and we're running as a group, whatever comes is going to be good anyway," Bang Chan says. "We just wish that a lot of people out there could listen to our music and get a lot of energy and hope from it."

Like 25-year-old Selina, who connects to their lyrics because she's "still on that journey of figuring out what I want to do and who I want to be," she says, clutching her Stray Kids light stick (a compass, now featuring Bang Chan's name written on the handle) outside of Microsoft Theater. Her friend Joseline, 18, likes that the members "have other priorities and interests outside of being a K-pop idol" that they reveal through daily Instagram posts, livestreams on the V Live app, TikToks, and weekly YouTube videos and vlogs. "He's not just Han from Stray Kids, he's Han Jisung — rapper, producer, and person," she adds.

For Kambree, 17, the group has a "positive vibe" that makes her feel happy and accepted. "They make us feel like family, no matter who you are or what you look like," she adds. Her best friend Lexxie, 17, says Stray Kids "make me feel like I'm not alone with my issues." And So Yun, 30, finds their mix of "hard-hitting EDM" and "super angsty" lyrics reminiscent of the emo bands she listened to in high school. "It's the same rebellious spirit that I felt as a teen when you want to be your own person and figure out your own voice."

Their music has given Louis, 30, a newfound perspective. "I like the ['Levanter'] lyric, 'I want to be myself, I don't care' — that line resonates with me because we live in a society where people try to mold you, but at the same time, I just want to myself and at this point, I really don't care!"

Best friends Ella and Jazlynn, both 19, met online through their mutual love of Stray Kids, and they've customized their light sticks with glitters and holographic stickers of their favorite members' names. "Half of the group is technically my age, so I can look at them and see how successful they are, and it gives me inspiration to work harder," Jazlynn says, an I.N banner at her side. And while they do feel comforted by the authenticity in the group's songs, as Ella explains, it's who they are off-stage that many fans connect with most. "When you see Felix do the Renegade, it's like, 'I do that too!'"

Their ability to ignite the stage with powerful performances while staying true to themselves behind the scenes — as both K-pop's reigning meme kings and young men navigating adulthood — is what makes Stray Kids so relatable to a generation that experiences much of their lives online. "This generation is comfortable being alone," Changbin says. "We have our phones. We don't always need to be talking to each other to be together. Sometimes a text is fine."

And they're pretty normal, too. Bang Chan and Changbin watch videos from Tomorrowland and Ultra Music Festival to help clear their minds in the studio; the tracks "Road Not Taken" and "Stop" are the direct results of such self-care. Han's idea of a perfect day would be to "not come out of my room for 24 hours." If he could spend all day watching YouTube videos, he would. In fact, he says "Sunshine" was inspired by a scene in the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers, where the main characters travel to an idyllic private island. Though Han’s larger-than-life presence dominates the stage, he identifies as an introvert and admits he hopes to "overcome" his shyness. "On my ideal perfect day, I'd try new experiences and meet new people comfortably," he says. "You can do it!" Bang Chan adds, encouragingly.

Youngest member I.N makes time to go shopping, though he prefers to "chill" on his days off. And when Felix isn't playing video games or destroying kitchens with Seungmin, he frequents Seoul's finest dog cafes. "We have so many dog lovers in our group," he says, smiling. "I've been looking at a lot of dogs, and I feel like they help you feel better. I really want a dog with the team." Jisung points at Seungmin, whose nickname is "puppy," and Bang Chan adds, "We already have one." Seungmin scrunches his nose and says, "No way!" (But Han insists he's a "really bad boy.")

Meanwhile, Hyunjin, who’s known by fans for his theatrics and commanding stage presence is extremely open with his emotions. He frequents V Live, where he offers personal advice to viewers of his video series Hyunjin’s Counseling Center. But the 19-year-old admits that opening up to Stay has helped him, too. "I don't always have a lot of confidence," he says. “When I want to be comforted or when I’m feeling kind of sad, Stay are really good at consoling me. I want to be able to repay that comfort in full."

"The connection between Stay and Stray Kids would be family," Felix adds. Han jokes that they're the "annoying and mischievous" little brothers. But it's that sense of connection, among the group as well as with their fans, that has cemented Stray Kids as the vital voices of their generation.

"The struggles we're going through — anxiety, stress, school, love — they tell us to take our time and see where our path leads," Selina says. "It's OK to stray from it. Just stay true to yourself. I always associate that with them. The idea of 'You Make Stray Kids Stay' is to find out what it is that grounds you and just keep going."

And Stray Kids don't plan to slow down any time soon. Having wrapped their Clé series at the end of last year with Levanter, 2020 offers an exciting fresh page for new musical experimentations, starting with the three original unit songs the group produced for the tour. "Wow" is a sexy R&B track from dancers Lee Know, Hyunjin, and Felix. It's also their first explicit love song. "We wanted to try a sexy song because it's a special stage," Hyunjin says, explaining that the dancers worked on their own lyrics in addition to helping with the slinky choreography. "We wanted to include moves that we haven't tried before," Lee Know adds, noting that they wanted something sexy and powerful. "So it was a new experience."

"My Universe," featuring vocalists Seungmin and I.N with an assist from Changbin, is a bright pop ballad. "I always wanted to try something like that," I.N says, eyes smiling. Seungmin tells Changbin from across the table, "Thanks for helping." And 3RACHA's "We Go" oozes confidence over a scorching trap beat. "We made 'We Go' last time we were here [in the United States]," Bang Chan says. "We made around three to four songs in one day… The performance is really fun as well. And those two [he points to Han and Changbin] got to have the chance to use Autotune live."

They also released their first English singles in January, a process that rapper Changbin, known for his furious flow, calls "difficult." ("It was fun," Hyunjin argues beside him.) "I was listening to Changbin's rap [in 'Double Knot'] like, 'Why is this so fast? What am I going to write?'" Bang Chan says. "I tried to write it as easy as possible so that he could speak it well. I'm really glad that they could record it really well for me."

In March, they'll debut in Japan. And there's another mixtape project in the works, kicked off by the digital release of "Gone Days," a relaxed, Autotune-laced anthem for the "OK Boomer" generation. A play on the Korean word kkondae, it describes someone who pushes outdated ideas and expectations onto another based only on their age and status — and signals the arrival of a bold new direction. "I think [young people] now just need to be more comfortable with themselves," Bang Chan says of his inspiration for the track. "By being yourself, you never know what's going to happen."

"I always believe that one person can change the world," he adds. "So if you have a thought or an idea, just let it out. Because who knows? You can make the world a much better place."

[kvngjoong]

wooyoung + nsfw a-z

did you know that wooyoung is officially my favourite sub? sorry jisung, you were replaced. wooyoung deserves it. sorry mingi also

A: Aftercare

you’ll be doing the aftercare on him. sure, he’ll make an attempt to check you’re okay but the poor baby just wants you to stroke his hair as he smiles at you with love pouring straight from him. pull a blanket over him and cuddle him. that’s all he wants

B: Body part

wooyoung doesn’t have a favourite of yours. he’s literally into all of you. whilst he’s not a praiser or anything, he looks to you with so much admiration (you’re his queen and his face is your throne, hmm?) that he couldn’t pick just one thing of yours that he liked over the other. as for him, he likes his thighs. not sure why. they don’t really have any relevance to nsfw activities but he does like them

C: Cum

he cums within moderation.. it’s not as much as some others, but he usually is a bit messy with it and covers the sheets anyway. prefers it when he can see it on you/around you. or when it’s on your hands. somehow he likes cumming into your hand but he may never actually admit to that

D: Dirty Secret

he is very careful on keeping this a secret, but wooyoung would really, desperately like to see you with one of his hyungs. he’s not sure where it came from, he doesn’t even know if it’s legitimately a want of his or he’s just got a really vivid dream in his head, but he’d love to see you with one of the other members. he’s not sure if he wants it to be another sub, mingi perhaps, or he wants it to be someone like san so you both get to be sub. he kinda wants to see another guy fuck you senseless so you see how it feels to be sub. does that make him a sadist like you? maybe. san it is then

E: Experience

some - maybe he’s done a few things but not much, if anything. most of it is from researching out of general curiosity and a tendency to be into all things that involve him being topped by someone he loves

F: Favourite Position

when you’re taking him from behind, or when you’re on top and switching between riding his dick and riding his face. would wooyoung honestly know what to do if he was on top? hell no. he would look at you with wide eyes and need you to tell him everything to do. he’s a bottom. let him be bottom so it aligns with the natural order of things

G: Goofy

wooyoung goes into a kind of sub space when you are doing anything nsfw. he has the bratty attitude that he turns on and off like a lightswitch and it means that the last thing on your mind, as well as his, is anything funny. he takes his sub role very seriously - and he expects you to take your position seriously too

H: Hair

he keeps it tidy because he thinks it makes you happy (plus he thinks it looks better too). even if you tell him you don’t care, he’ll still keep it tidy and do a little manscaping here and there in order to make things cleaner. probably shaves every so often, too

I: Intimacy

uhh.. hes intimate but not in the way you may expect? when you guys are playing, he will usually shy away from the whole i love you thing and will instead be more in the place of holy shit suck my dick a little more pls. but when he’s about the cum the first thing he thinks of is you, and when he cuddles up to you straight after the only thing on his mind is you

J: Jack Off

when you’re not around, he’ll do it. even if you ask him not to, tell him not to even, he’ll still do it because he’s a brat and brats just can’t be told no, can they? he’ll take the punishment later, he’d rather think of you doing something nsfw to him instead of biting his lip and clenching his thighs all day

K: Kink

wooyoung’s kinks aren’t complex. he knows what he’s into. he wants to be sub, though can play dom is he needs to (to make you angry and so he can tease you). if it’s not bdsm related then wooyyoung probably isn’t that into it. he likes being tied up (who said shibari?) and he likes it when you spank him for being naughty. he also, surprisingly, likes it when you where pretty underwear and play with yourself in front of him. wouldn’t mind watching you with another guy, too, as long as you go straight back to him after. also a masochist

L: Location

whilst the bedroom is ideal for him, wooyoung understands that isn’t always practical and has decided that he can pretty much do anything, anywhere. from a car to a shower, a bathroom to the changing room, wooyoung is down for it if you are. plus there’s more places for him to get caught, which he secretly enjoys more than he lets on

M: Motivation

Usually, it’s something you’re wearing. Wooyoung is a good boy and he’ll sit with his hands in his lap, teeth pulled between his lips, as he waits for you to show him what you bought. You tell him he can look but he can’t touch, though usually he does end up touching you and you’ll punish him for it. Otherwise he’s just been needy during the day and can’t keep away from you, and he’s particularly clingy in the hopes you’ll see he’s a good boy and give him some relief

N: NO

whilst wooyoung is into a lot of things, he doesn’t like cock rings. he adamantly refuses them each time you bring them up, to the point where you no longer use them and stick to other things instead. they hurt him a bit too much for him to handle, much more than he can handle with, say, a flogger or whip

O: Oral

he really likes it when you reward him with both giving and receiving. sometimes he will be clingy with his hands on your arm the whole day, following you around like a lost puppy, as he whispers to you that he really wants you to suck him off. other times he’ll like it when you sit on his face and he has the opportunity to show you how good he can be to you too - since sometimes he feels like he barely does any giving whatsoever

P: Pace

you control the pace for him, obviously, but he likes it when you fuck him hard and fast. masochist wooyoung enjoys the ache, especially if it’s enough to leave him sore when he dances (and he’ll gush to you about how everyone asked him why he was struggling to do a particular move)

Q: Quickie

doesn’t really happy, not unless he’s adamant about it which isn’t usually. only if something has been on his mind for a while or it’s little teaser for later. that’s often the reason for quickies - if you’re trying to tease him for later and leave him with a boner that causes his problems all during the day

R: Risk

he gets pretty shy when you do anything in public, though he will admit it kinda turns him on.. he’s not sure why, but he really does like the thought of someone catching and him doing something private. he’s into the thrill of what might happen next. depending on your views, he may encourage you to do things in public too

S: Stamina

he can go for a while, but the poor boy doesn’t take long to cum. which is probably the reason he can go so many rounds. his record? he’s cum 5 times in an hour and a half. that’s impressive for him. he’s so sensitive that it’s impossible for him to resist cumming when it comes to you - even if he does get punished for it later

T: Toy

he likes them, a lot. he has his own little collection of favourites that he’ll have for your disposal, if you don’t have your own of course. his favourites are a strap on and a butt plug that vibrates, especially the latter since its one of the first things he ever bought for himself. his eyes will practically light up when you either introduce him to a new toy, or offer to use one on him

U: Unfair

tease is wooyoung’s middle name. he knows how to push your buttons and uses it in his favour - even if it just gets him punished in the end. since he’s a bit of a masochist, he will be happy to accept whatever you throw at him, even if he’s dry cumming into your hand multiple times

V: Volume

he doesn’t give a shit about someone hearing him. he’ll scream until his pretty little throat is sore. he’ll make sure you know how much he loves what you’re doing, and your neighbours know it too. rip to anyone you wanted to have a good impression of you, they now know that your boyfriend subs and he gets so into what he’s doing that he cries and he whines louder than their headphones can cover up

W: Wild Card

one day you came home to find wooyoung sitting on your bed, patiently waiting for you to come home. he has a box in his hand, and he encourages you to open it with a wide smile on his face. it’s then that you realise there’s more to it. when you see the black leather flogger, you realise that wooyoung is probably a bigger saddist than you though - not that you didn’t enjoy using it on him later. though it’s likely he enjoyed it more than you anyway

X: X-Ray

on the smaller side, but it’s enough to work with. probably helps that he’s a sub because his size suits his character

Y: Yearning

he’s needy, but in so many different ways that it’s usually safe to assume that wooyoung probably does want you to touch his dick or something. whilst he is needy, it’s not overbearing and he can deal with things if he needs to. so don’t worry, he’s not going to always be calling you because he needs you. just know that he probably is touching himself thinking of you, if you’re not doing it instead

Z: ZZZ

wooyoung has a habit of laying his head on your chest or your stomach, curling up against you and shutting his eyes and accidentally falling asleep. he’s usually worn out from so much you’ve put him through that it’s best to let him sleep. if you don’t, then you’re not gonna be able to have your fun with him the next morning and he’ll be pouty all day because he’s tired (which is cute but… he’s also kinda annoying when he’s tired)

[mostlycompetentwriter]

I Am You- Complete

Pairing: OC x Bang Chan x Jisung x Changbin (Stray Kids)

Genre: Romantic Fantasy

Warnings: Smut, Language, Violence

Word Count: 35,308 

Author’s Note: Hello, wonderful readers! I Am You is officially finished! I’d like to thank everyone who read the story and left a note or comment. It was really hard for me to put my writing on this site because I sorely lack confidence when it comes to my writing abilities. With that said, seeing how many people enjoyed the story was really validating. 

Also, the editing may be different in this full text because I tried to be responsible and use Grammarly's assistance.

Chapter One

Chan always treated me like I was something precious.

We were five years old when we met for the very first time. I remember clutching tightly to my mother’s leg while Chan stepped out from behind his parents to get a closer look at me. His eyes were a familiar blue, kind and warm, and he immediately scented the air. “She smells nice,” he told his mother, and the compliment softened my introverted shell. From that day on, we were nearly inseparable. 

Even our mothers had decided that we would be mates one day. “Chan is already sweet on her,” my mother would say, watching over the two of us. Chan liked to scent me, always curling into my side, when I was still somehow taller than him, burying his nose against the swollen gland. I would complain because his breath was hot and sticky, coating my skin with a light shimmer of moisture. 

We started school together with the other pups, holding hands when we walked into the classroom for the very first time. Apparently, the others thought it was weird, especially Jisung, who would mock Chan when he chose to paint with me instead of playing soccer outside. I didn’t like Jisung. He was rude and opinionated, and I hated how much Chan tried to impress him. 

Jisung’s best friend was a smaller boy named Changbin. Although quieter, all dark eyes and hair, he didn’t hesitate to join his friend in their endless teasing. Eventually, the teasing broke me and I cried for the very first time after Jisung managed to encourage the entire class to laugh at me when he read one of my poems out loud, voice high-pitched and mocking.

I was transferred to another class and, much to my displeasure, Chan started to spend more time with Jisung and Changbin. He would invite them over to his house, and I always left because I could barely stand being in the same vicinity. I became a loner, occasionally talking with some of the other girls, but mostly keeping to myself. 

By the time middle school came around, Chan and I had grown apart, joining different social circles. Chan was the third component to the mischievous and troublemaking trio that also consisted of Jisung and Changbin. They were always tormenting the younger pups, much to the chagrin of our teachers, and I did my best to stay off their radar. It was also around this time that our bodies slowly started changing. Chan finally grew taller than me, and Jisung and Changbin outgrew the cute roundness that most pups were born with.

High school further transformed our dynamic. It all started with Chan because the boy was absolutely heartbroken when his mother died. I remember being at the funeral, watching Chan from afar. He refused to speak at the ceremony, and I found him crying inside one of the bathrooms on the second floor of the viewing house. When I sat next to him, unhesitating in baring my neck, the blonde-haired boy had immediately touched his nose delicately to my scent gland. He pulled me into his arms and the two of us spent the next two hours talking, regrets and mistakes laid bare, until our souls felt as free as they had when we were children, reconciling like old acquaintances.

From that point on, Chan started spending a lot of time with me and we easily settled into our old friendship. It was wonderful, and I savored every second of our renewed bond. But Chan also insisted on maintaining his friendship with Jisung and Changbin, much to my displeasure. And Chan insisted we all get along, so I agreed to give the other two boys a chance.

However, I think Chan regretted that decision because Jisung and I butted heads at every opportunity. He was insufferable, whining about his parents forcing him to start patrols as if nobody else had to go through something like that. He was also irresponsible, and I didn’t understand why Chan liked him. Changbin was also difficult to like, especially since he remained silent most of the time, chattering softly with Chan and Jisung but always offering my questions and comments blank, dismissive stares.

And that was before Chan and I started sleeping together. 

It started when we both turned 16, and Chan complained to me about how painful his ruts could be. As an omega girl, I couldn’t really relate to his problems, but I had started getting my heats and figured the discomfort was comparable. We agreed to help one another, and I spent my first weekend in Chan’s bed, taking my first ever knot which was wildly uncomfortable, especially since Chan wasn’t in the right mindset to consider how it might affect me. 

However, when we returned to school on Monday, Jisung immediately picked up on our illicit activities. “You smell like Chan,” he said, tone accusatory. 

Jisung was furious when he discovered we had slept together. He was not only dismissive towards me, but he also ignored Chan as well. I personally didn’t care if Jisung ignored me, but I could tell it hurt Chan, so I confronted Jisung.

“You shouldn’t act like that,” I told him. “Chan is your friend.”

“He knew,” Jisung growled, frightening me a little with the heightened spicy element to his scent. “He broke our promise,” he insisted. I was confused by his anger because I had no idea what Chan could have done to hurt Jisung so much. 

Suddenly, my confusion was replaced by surprise when Jisung crowded me against the wall, leaning in abruptly to inhale deeply against my neck. “You shouldn’t smell like him,” Jisung continued and I stayed frozen in place, wincing when he roughly pressed his wrist against my scent gland, rubbing against the oily surface. 

Jisung seemed satisfied when he was finished, pulling away to scent the air again. “Better,” he muttered to himself.

After that day, Jisung was suddenly a lot nicer to me. He walked with me to my classes, offered to accompany me home after school, and he started bringing me a lot of random gifts: pencils and pens, paints and brushes, and even the little canvases I liked to use when I worked on my art. I never said anything because I figured this was his way of apologizing for the way he had acted before. Jisung certainly never apologized aloud.

It was also easier to tolerate Jisung when he acted like this and, on occasion, I even found myself laughing at the jokes he made or the funny, hyperactive way he liked to express himself. Of course, I reminded myself frequently about our childhood mishaps, the way Jisung would tease or ridicule me. “We were kids, Myah,” Chan would tell me. “Jisung grew up, we all did.”

But perhaps my biggest flaw was holding a grudge. 

It all came to fruition one afternoon while the three of us were eating lunch. I was quiet, suffering from some early cramping signaling my impending heat. I had applied scent blockers that day, hoping to disguise the sweet-smelling aroma from the rest of my classmates. It usually worked, but somehow Jisung was able to pick up on it. “You’re going into heat soon,” he bluntly said, and my cheeks blossomed with red, looking around to make sure nobody else had heard his observation.

“You can smell it?” I hissed incredulously, lifting my wrist to my nose, but finding myself unable to pick up on anything other than the dull, earthy scent of the blockers. 

Jisung cleared his throat, sheepishly glancing over at Chan as if looking for confirmation. Changbin was quiet as always, looking down at his food. “Myah,” Jisung started, catching me off-guard with the sincere use of my name. “I know heats can be painful to go through alone, so if you want, I could help you out?”

Jisung had surprised me before, but never to such an intimate extent. He was asking for permission to fuck me, not just once, but several times until my heat broke. It usually lasted for about three days, and that was a long time to spend with someone, especially considering the pathetic headspace I entered during my temporary fever-induced coma. “Why?” I asked, quickly looking over at Chan, expecting him to be outraged by the comment. But Chan was earnest, in that annoying way of his, and it felt like I was the only one who didn’t understand what was going on. “Chan already offered to help me out with my heats.”

I was trying to be nice for Chan’s sake. After all, there were a million other things I could have told Jisung, starting with our barely friendly acquaintanceship or the horrible way he had always treated me in the past. “I know,” Jisung replied, and he swallowed hard as if holding back his frustration. “But I’m offering to do you a favor.”

A favor? I finally snapped. “It wouldn’t be a favor from you,” I sharply retorted, “Why would you care anyway? I don’t like you, and I know you don’t like me. You’ve always treated me like shit, and you’ve always been there to embarrass me whenever you get the opportunity.” It dawned on me then that perhaps Jisung was mocking me again, embarrassing me now in front of Chan. “I don’t need you to keep putting me down,” I finally growled, my unregulated hormones adding aggression to my tone.

Jisung stood abruptly, and any further arguments dissolved when I realized that Jisung was crying, a tear trailing down the side of his cheek as he picked up his tray and stormed away. “That wasn’t nice, Myah,” Chan quickly chided me.

I turned my anger on him instead. “He was trying to embarrass me!”

“No he wasn’t,” Chan said, tone softening as his eyes scanned over my likely disheveled appearance. 

“Jisung likes you,” Changbin inserted, sighing as he picked up his tray. “It’s really obvious.”

I glared at Changbin’s retreating figure before turning on Chan, demanding answers. “Jisung has always been rude to me!”

Chan picked at his food, refusing to meet my gaze. “Jisung was trying to get your attention, but he was always afraid you would reject him, that’s why he acted so cold.”

“It doesn’t make sense,” I insisted, even as the memory of our strange bathroom encounter jostled itself into remembrance.

“He really likes your scent,” Chan supplied. “Alphas always like the scents of the omegas they see as potential mates.”

Mates? “We’re supposed to be mates, Chan,” I whined. 

Chan finally looked up, meeting my eyes with a serious expression. “Sometimes omegas can have more than one alpha.”

---------------------------------------------------------

Present

Hot.

I think I said it out loud, my voice hoarse from overuse, affected deeply by the intoxicating combination of our hormones. “I’ll take care of it,” he whispered to me gently, a contradiction to the heavy way he thrust into me, cock hitting deep inside.

“Feels good,” I said while inhaling his scent, a beautiful mixture of vanilla and something spicy, perfectly satisfying to my natural instincts. 

He ran his hand up and down the length of my thigh, wrapped around his slim waist securely, touch summoning hundreds of little bumps to rise along my skin. “Do you want a knot this time?” he asked, pressing delicate kisses along my collarbones.

“Jisung,” I moaned, voice catching on a lilt when I felt the base of his cock start to swell. “I need it, please.”

“Whatever my princess wants,” Jisung promised, and I felt my heart thud violently against my breastbone. I had always admired the way Jisung remained so controlled, able to vocalize coherently, responding to my pathetic pleas with kind assurances. I might tease Jisung relentlessly, as a recurring component to our dynamic, like telling him his cock could not compare to Chan or Changbin’s just to watch his eyes light with a familiar fire. But Jisung would always act so loving, even if he was rutting, and he more than made up for his size with his caring nature. His admirable ability to keep his alpha at bay, eyes remaining the same brown color that I loved, no matter what happened.

“It’s so good,” I pouted, tears flowing freely now, especially once his knot was fully engorged, keeping us locked together. My orgasm hit suddenly, after so much build and anticipation, forcing my eyes to close against the tide of pleasure. Jisung growled seductively into my ear, and I felt his release inside of me, warm and full.

I was gone, but Jisung, as usual, was fully present, moving us on our sides, arms wrapping around my waist as he scented me deeply. It was his tongue, wet and familiar, lapping over the bite mark he had left on my upper arm that brought me back. Jisung had been the second one to mate me, securing our bond together after such a long and tumultuous history. I was grateful to Jisung, his love was beautiful and adoring, and I usually went to him when my heats hit because he was always so careful.

It made Chan jealous because there was a time when I only wanted him to help me. But Jisung changed everything I knew about heats and sex, and all it had taken was a silly pinky promise we made in our school’s outdoor arena:

“Jisung,” I said softly, approaching the other male carefully. I felt guilty about how I had spoken to him at lunch, even if I felt it was deserved. Perhaps we both had things to work on. “I’m sorry.”

His shoulders tensed at my words, and that was the only acknowledgment I got as I took a seat next to him on the sidewalk. Jisung looked straight ahead, eyes still bloodshot and cheeks puffy, swollen from his tears. “Whatever,” Jisung grunted dismissively, refusing to look at me.

“I didn’t know,” I told him carefully. “I didn’t think you liked me. You’ve always been rude to me, so I didn’t know.”

We were both silent for a long time, and I pulled my knees closer to my chest, resting my chin on the perch I made. “I guess you wouldn’t know,” Jisung finally said. “I’m pretty stupid, right?”

“No,” I countered, scooting a little closer and reluctantly releasing a calming scent I knew would soften him. I just hated it because it would make the scent blockers less effective. I’d smell like heat for the rest of the day. But Jisung inhaled deeply. “We were both wrong,” I admitted. “I never really gave you a chance.”

“I made it hard for you to give me one,” Jisung said, looking deeply regretful. “I shouldn’t have asked to help you with your heat. I’m sorry.”

Hearing an apology from Jisung was about as rare as the blood supermoon. “You can help me if you want,” I said nervously, glancing at Jisung out of the corner of my eyes. “With my heat.”

Jisung stiffened, mouth falling open a little as he finally regarded me. “Really?”

“Yeah, it helps, you know,” I stuttered, “-to have a knot.”

It was Jisung’s turn to blush. “I- I can do that.”

“I hope so,” I teased him, and then I held up my pinky finger. “You can always ask in the future if you want. I promise I won’t yell.”

Jisung smiled, and it was one of the most sincere smiles I had ever seen. He wrapped his pinky around mine. “Okay.”

“Sweetheart,” Jisung purred now, “Are you okay?” I managed a nod, wincing a little as I shifted, his knot an unforgettable presence. “Careful,” he whispered.

“Sorry,” I instinctively apologized, my heightened omega instincts encouraging me to appease my mate.

Jisung found my obedience hilarious, teasing me around Chan and Changbin. “She’ll beg for it,” he once said proudly, wrapping my reluctant form into his arms. “But I always give my princess what she wants.”

“Sungie,” I purred happily, feeling my eyes grow heavy with the promise of sleep. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Myah,” he whispered back, nosing along my neck, accidentally brushing against Changbin’s mark. 

I felt my sadness return, remembering why I had forced Jisung to stay behind, even though he had been set to travel with Chan to a neighboring pack.

Changbin was ignoring me.

-------------------------------------------

Chapter Two

Changbin is volatile. 

His unpredictability has always been an obstacle in our relationship, even before he had accidentally mated me. It was a night I could never forget, especially considering Jisung and Chan’s outrage when they discovered us together. But it wasn’t Changbin’s fault, especially since he had always hidden his true feelings for me. And after years of holding everything back, the anticipated explosion did not turn out well for either of us. Yet, the dark-haired male was always sullen and quiet, and even after Jisung and Chan had both Declared, he still didn’t talk to me very much.

However, he always talked to other girls, and that really bothered me. I would always watch from a distance, observing with practiced patience how he would flirt with younger omegas. It was strange to be jealous, especially when I was sure Changbin didn’t like me. For example, back when the three of us were still in school, the boys would always beg for me to go to parties with them on the weekends. I relented because Jisung was absolutely adorable when he was drunk, clinging to me persistently. Thus, the four of us would always arrive together, but I remained silent because Changbin usually lost interest the minute I inserted myself into the conversation. On one such occasion, the pre-conditions were already different before everyone had even arrived:

“Your rut is close,” tipsy Jisung bluntly informed Changbin, wrinkling his nose in disgust. 

Changbin frowned. “You wanted me to come.”

Chan chuckled, holding me close to his chest, arms wrapped loosely around my waist as I nursed the sweet-tasting drink Jisung had brought for me. I had been trying to ignore Changbin’s scent all night. Unlike Jisung, I found his dark smell alluring, and it was taking a lot of effort to fight my instinct to bury my nose into the side of his neck. 

“They make scent blockers for a reason,” Jisung complained, eyes wandering over to me. I giggled at the sudden appearance of his smile, not protesting when he leaned in closer to scent me deeply. “I’ll just have to scent Myah instead.”

Chan let out a warning growl, apparently opposed to Jisung’s closeness. However, under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t even care if Jisung sought my attention, but I could also faintly detect Chan’s rut smell beneath his usual clean pine scent. 

Jisung pouted, leaning away to fold his arms across his chest. “Have another drink, Sungie,” I said, hoping to distract him. 

“Myah likes my scent,” Changbin suddenly announced, dark eyes appraising as they scanned over me. 

I was taken aback by Changbin’s forwardness, but also deeply embarrassed because he had promised not to say anything about my unfortunate comment, spoken out of term while I was under the influence of heat-induced hormones. You see, it had happened a few nights before my heat was set to break and Chan and Jisung had left me alone with Changbin to talk with a teacher after school. Changbin was mindlessly looking through a textbook when I leaned in closer, apparently not used to such close proximity. “You have a nice scent,” I had told him, only remembering our precarious relationship moments later, lost in mortification. 

I was slightly furious that Changbin had chosen now to speak up. “When did she say that?” Jisung asked, latching on to this new piece of information, as he always did.

“Cute,” Chan remarked, pinching my scarlet-red cheeks. 

“I didn’t mean it,” I protested, glaring in Changbin’s direction. “I was close to my heat.”

Changbin’s returning smile could only be described as arrogant. “You don’t have to lie, Myah. Other girls have told me the same thing.”

“Why don’t you go bother those other girls, then?” I asked him petulantly, overwhelmed by Jisung’s teasing, Chan’s incessant cooing, and the unfamiliar dark look in Changbin’s eyes.

“Only if you won’t get jealous,” Changbin rumbled, standing up to his full height, stretching out his arms above his head. I tore my eyes away from the wonderful flex of his biceps.

“He doesn’t mean anything by it,” Chan told me once Changbin was out of earshot. He probably picked up on my crestfallen expression. 

“He’s close to rut,” Jisung added, somehow managing to rest his head on my lap without my noticing.

However, my worsening mood was solely attributable to Changbin’s distraction, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him for the remainder of the night. It didn’t help that I saw him everywhere like he was trying to stay on my radar. He leaned into Omega girls, whispering sweet flirtations into their eager ears. He let them touch his arms, scandalous fingers testing the area over the front of his sinfully tight jeans. 

I was losing my mind, even with Jisung and Chan clinging to my arms. In fact, both of my future mates sought my attention and, at one point, I was situated in Chan’s lap, chasing his lips with intoxicating kisses. I had my eyes closed, tasting the inside of his mouth with my tongue, before leaning into his neck, scenting him in a way I normally wouldn’t do in public. But then I opened my eyes and found myself ensnared with Changbin’s impenetrable gaze. He had a petite blonde in his lap, running his teeth along the curve of her neck, even as his attention remained focused on me.

I shivered, feeling my scent spike as I followed the path of Changbin’s tongue, knowing he wanted me to watch. Chan shifted under me, and I could feel his erection through his pants. Apparently, the spike in my scent affected him more than I thought, and his rut scent was even more apparent. Jisung was the one to pull us apart, lecturing Chan on the dangers of going into a premature rut cycle.

I slipped away quietly while they argued, picking up Changbin’s scent easily. I followed it through the woods, admiring the quiet of the evening before a loud, exaggerated moan disrupted the tranquility. I should’ve known better than to follow it, especially as Changbin’s scent grew stronger. Still, I was completely unprepared to see him with another girl, body completely pressed against hers. 

“Where are you going?” he asked before I could turn back around.

I froze in place, watching him pull away from the other girl. His dark eyes were completely black, blown out with the influence of his obvious arousal. I glanced away quickly when I realized the girl’s top was missing. “Binnie,” she pouted, shaking his arm.

“Get lost,” he growled at her, and I looked up only when the other girl had stormed past me, making sure to hit her arm against mine.

“Are you following me?” Changbin teased, entire demeanor shifting as he sauntered over to me with a distinctly alpha posturing. 

“Your rut,” I informed him as if he wasn’t obviously aware.

“Yeah,” he agreed, grabbing my arm and pulling me against him. “You could help with that.”

“Changbin,” I started, losing all ability to speak when he started to scent me. It was a foreign sensation, as the only two male alphas who had dared touch the area were Jisung and Chan. I withheld a moan as one of his hands gripped tightly to my hair, wrenching my head back so that he could have better access to my scent gland. He let out a low, throaty growl, allowing his other hand to grab my ass, pulling me impossibly closer. I could feel his hard erection against my thigh.

He instinctively rutted his hips, as if to make sure I could feel all of him. “You aren’t used to that are you?” he asked and I was stunned by the bright red tint to his eyes. “I’ve seen Jisung and Chan in the locker room before. Do you even notice it when they’re fucking you?”

I moaned at his words, losing myself in the thick cloud of Changbin, his scent hanging in the air between us, summoning my basest instincts. “Are you gonna be good for me?” he continued, hands gripping my thighs before lifting me off the ground, forcing my legs to wrap around his waist. My back collided against the rough bark of the tree behind us, enough to temporarily knock the breath out of my lungs. 

Changbin’s scent grew thicker, and I knew he had entered his rut prematurely. I also knew how dangerous that could be, especially for alphas like Changbin: purebloods who were more in-tune with their inner wolves compared to most people, often losing out to their instincts in situations like this. But I had never been around an alpha like Changbin, and I was unable to grasp a single shred of rationality against his thick, blanketed rut smell.

He wanted to bite me too, I could tell from the way he insistently mouthed at my scent gland, tongue pressing against the swollen tissue, forcing more of the oily secretion to leak freely. “Changbin,” I managed, lost in a haze, half-heartedly pushing against his broad shoulders. 

He effortlessly muscled me to the ground, crawling over my weakening body, looking every part of the predator. “You want my knot?” he snarled, pushing my dress up my legs, leaving my lower half almost completely naked, save for the delicate lace protecting my modesty. But Changbin wasn’t deterred, removing the barrier before reclining back onto his knees, fingers quickly working apart his belt. “Tell me you want me, angel.”

The nickname appealed to every base Omegan instinct I had. 

“I do,” I groaned, tears beginning to fall because everything was overwhelming and left me completely distracted.

Suddenly, I instinctually arched my back, ignoring the awkward twist in my neck when he roughly penetrated me. I found out quickly that Changbin wasn’t a liar, his cock was considerably thicker compared to Jisung or Chan. It filled me with an almost painful stretch, partly because of the suddenance by which he had entered me, without warning or preparation. And his jeans were down just enough to release his cock, and the rough material was rubbing harsh red burns into the delicate skin of my thighs. “Changbin,” I whined. “It hurts.”

He grunted from above me, his pace slowing down, even if the exertion from doing so was evident in the contorted set to his mouth. But his knot was swelling fast, his rut state encouraging his body to fill me as quickly as possible and breed me full of his pups. In the heat of the moment, Changbin ignored everything except his alpha instincts, leaning down to bury his teeth into my scent gland. I was unprepared for the accompanying pain, letting out an uncharacteristic scream as he bit down, almost like he was trying to rip out my throat instead of leaving a mating bite.

And that’s how Jisung and Chan found us, locked together by Changbin’s knot, with blood streaking down the side of my neck.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Present

My most recent heat ended the next morning. It gave Jisung no reason to stay behind any longer. I insisted on seeing him off, allowing him to fuss over my outfit, complaining that I would be cold in my thin sweater. “Changbin will look after you,” Jisung said, appearing satisfied after adjusting his scarf around my neck, enveloping me in his sweet scent.

No, he won’t, I grumbled to myself. Because Changbin had been ignoring me for a whole week now, ever since his rut had ended. I always asked to help them through their ruts and Changbin was always hesitant to accept, ever since the night he mated me during the height of his passion. He never forgave himself for the unorthodox way he had done so, no matter how many times I told him that I had already moved on.

But Changbin had surprisingly accepted my most recent proposal and we had been locked away in his room for almost an entire week. Unfortunately, my body had grown exhausted with keeping up, as his heightened sex drive was impossible to satisfy. We had agreed not to knot again, but Changbin had been lost in the moment, a victim to his heightened alpha instincts. Changbin had accidentally forced his knot inside, even though my body had resisted. I was stuck in the infirmary overnight and the next morning, Changbin wouldn’t so much as look in my direction.

Jisung didn’t help matters, lecturing Changbin relentlessly while Chan refused to leave my side, coddling me like I was moments away from death rather than healing from a mundane injury. And Changbin always took things too seriously, so he was barely present in our camp, choosing instead to go on long hunts, leaving at dawn and returning well past nightfall. I was beyond irritated with the grumpy alpha, missing the calming effect of his dark scent. After so much time apart, our mating bond was suffering.

“Chan and I will be back in a few days,” Jisung continued, pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of my red-tinted nose. 

I pouted, knowing I would suffer without their affection, especially when Changbin made it clear that he wouldn’t bother. “Sungie,” I complained, wrapping my arms around him. I scented him deeply, hoping to at least remember the sweet vanilla for the remainder of the day.

“Princess,” Jisung gently pushed me back. “This isn’t like you.”

I’ve never been alone to suffer through Changbin’s moods, I wanted to tell him, but I knew it would only lead to more lecturing, and Changbin hated me enough. “I’m sorry,” I said, cursing my stupid omega emotions as the threat of tears burned the corners of my eyes. 

I spent the rest of the day locked in my room, scenting the sweaters Jisung and Chan had left behind for me. Chan’s scent was already starting to fade, which really upset my wolf more than I was expecting. Jisung and Changbin were so important to me, and I loved them more than anything else, but they did not reach me as deeply as Chan continued to do. Our bond had the most history, and our mating fulfilled even the deepest void of my soul:

I was already mated to Jisung and Changbin. They had left their respective marks on me. Jisung had insisted not long after the incident with Changbin. He waited until my next heat to mark me, choosing to place his bite further away from Changbin’s, on the fleshy part of my upper arm, easily hidden away by sleeves. I was surprised he had chosen such a spot as I figured Jisung would be the one to bite my neck, to proudly show off his mark, but Jisung continued to surprise me.

Changbin was slowly opening up to me, especially now that our shared bond allowed me to know how he was feeling before he was even aware. He still hated how it had happened, but I tried my best to show him that I would never hold that against him. I came to realize that Changbin and I were very much alike, introverted personalities aside. Changbin was very loyal, and he was always ready to defend me, which the submissive part of my instincts adored.

But I was still waiting for Chan to declare his Intention. Each day without a word on the subject concerned me. “He’s just waiting for the right moment,” Jisung tried to assure me.

And I thought the right moment would be Chan’s rut, but the alpha refused me when I asked to spend it with him. It hurt a part of me that only Chan could access, and the refusal weighed heavily during each subsequent day during which I knew Chan was suffering. Since Jisung was out of town, I snuck into Changbin’s bed, readily drowning myself in the alpha’s heady scent. “I know what you’re doing,” Changbin said, gently gliding his nose along my jawline. “I don’t like being a distraction.”

Well, sometimes the bond was annoying.

After an entire month passed with no word from Chan, I decided to confront him myself. Our graduation was nearing, and there was a lot to figure out with our situation. As my mates, Jisung and Changbin could choose to enter a new pack or start one of their own. I wouldn’t be inclined to have any say in the matter, as tradition dictated, and I knew the pair had been talking about forming their own pack. But leaving Chan behind was a scary thought, so I was growing desperate.

I cornered him after classes one day, reciting my monologue in my head so I wouldn’t forget a single word. “Chan,” I addressed him, “Can we talk?” The blonde-haired alpha let out a vague, noncommittal noise as he continued to mess around in his locker. “Jisung and Changbin have already done it,” I said, letting out a deep breath. “We’re already Declared and I know we’ve talked about Intention before. I think it might be nice to mate before school ends.”

Chan barely glanced up. “I can’t talk about this now, Myah. I have something to do after school.”

“Chan-” I tried again, but the alpha had already moved on, shutting his locker door before leaving me alone in the hallway.

----------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3

“Have you seen Changbin?” I asked Felix, watching the younger alpha absent-mindedly skin the deer laid out on the table in front of us.

“I think he’s hunting,” Felix replied, frowning as he let out a disgusted sound. “It would be nice if he could skin his own kill every once in a while.”

“He’s always hunting,” I huffed in frustration.

Felix shrugged, “He’s probably not far out. He just left like fifteen minutes ago. You can probably catch up to him if you need something.”

I immediately heeded Felix’s suggestion, shifting forms carefully, as it had certainly been a while since I last allowed my wolf to takeover. However, I knew it would be much easier to catch up to Changbin with a better nose, relying purely on smell to find my tsundere mate. And I picked up on his trail fast, following his scent slowly while I still felt unsteady on the four legs replacing my usual two. I really needed to run more with Jisung when he offered. It was almost embarrassing how out-of-touch I felt with my hyper-active wolf, especially after experiencing yet another clumsy fall along the mountain rocks. 

I was fully committed to shifting every day.

Thankfully, I found Changbin quickly, distracted by the small doe grazing a hundred yards or so away. I waited patiently, making sure my scent was down-wind so that he couldn’t possibly blame me if he missed this kill. But Changbin was the pack’s best hunter, and he tracked down the unsuspecting creature with startling astuteness. 

It was as he was dragging the doe back down the cliffside that he spotted me. His dark brown wolf let out a grumpy growl as he walked over to where I waited. He let the prey fall from his mouth, regarding me with a look that I could only describe as reprimanding. 

I heard his voice speak clearly through our mind-link. “You shouldn’t be out here.”

I refused to back down. “You’re always hunting these days. How else was I supposed to talk to you?”

Changbin’s wolf was imposing as he stood over me. He was bigger than most wolves, and he exuded power and dominance. “Go back to camp.”

I watched as he leaned back down to pick up the doe. “Will you talk to me tonight?”

“I’m hunting late.”

I let out a sharp bark, racing ahead to block his path. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“Don’t act like this, Myah.” 

“I don’t understand why you can’t talk to me. Are you really going to punish me for something I already forgave you for?”

He bullied his way past me. “It’s dangerous up here. Now go home.”

Stung by his disregard, I obeyed his order, starting back down the path with much less spring than I had before. I glanced back over my shoulder at the big alpha, wondering if Changbin knew how much he was hurting me. 

But distractions were never a good thing on the mountain, and I heard the switch before I felt its claws. Unfortunately, I had failed to keep an eye on the path in front of me, as Changbin had constantly warned me about, but that didn’t make it any less shocking. Which is probably why, at first, the pain from the trap didn’t register over my surprise. But then I felt it deeply when I saw the blood. I let out a pained howl, instinctively trying to pry my leg away from the source of my pain. It only worsened the situation, the sharp edges digging brutally into my flesh. 

“Don’t move!”

I heard his command before I could scent him, but Changbin was suddenly there, burying his head into the side of my neck, releasing soothing alpha pheromones even as the pain grew to an unbearable level. I fell to the ground, craning my neck around to look at my mangled leg, bits of flesh and blood amidst the silver trap. I saw fingers next, faintly realizing Changbin had shifted to his human form, working at the trap.

Then I heard the mountain lion’s growl.

----------------------------------------------------

“I think Channie hates me,” I complained to Jisung, watching the alpha move about his room, a towel wrapped messily around his waist.

“Chan doesn’t hate you,” Jisung chided gently, digging for a pair of sweatpants out of his closet. 

“What did I do?” I asked, ignoring Jisung as I rolled onto my back, looking up at the ceiling.

“Chan’s just stressed,” Jisung said. “He’s got a lot of decisions to make.”

“Mating shouldn’t be a difficult decision,” I muttered because it was true. In fact, mating should be easy with the person you love.

“Don’t be impatient,” Jisung said, suddenly appearing above me. “Chan always thinks about everything too much, you know how he is.”

“It shouldn’t require any thinking,” I said, letting out a whine of protest when Jisung moved onto the bed, crowding me into the mattress. I broke off only when I was wrapped in Jisung’s arms, secure against his strong chest. His vanilla scent surrounded me, and I could tell he was releasing calming pheromones, which I appreciated.

“Everything will work out in time,” Jisung whispered, pressing a tender kiss to the side of my temple.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“Changbin!” I cried out through the bond, watching the mountain lion creep closer, likely smelling my blood in the air.

Changbin managed to open the trap and I whined as I pulled my leg free. “Can you shift?” he asked me, but I was in too much pain to concentrate so I shook my head, desperately trying to push myself onto all four legs, but collapsing back down each time. The mountain lion growled, haunches raised in an attack position. Changbin shifted back easily, his intimidating wolf forcing the lion to briefly reconsider its plan. “Don’t worry,” Changbin said, using the mind link to offer me calming reassurances.

I threw back my head to howl, hoping our other packmates could hear the call. Unfortunately, it also prompted the lion into action and it launched itself at Changbin. I watched in horror as it wrestled Changbin to his back, exposing his soft underbelly and tender throat. The sound of its claws slashing through fur and flesh was revolting and my stomach churned dangerously. Changbin fought back, using his hind legs to push the lion off, reclaiming an upright position before chasing after the lion, nipping at its weaker tendons. The lion stumbled on the loose rocks and Changbin brought it down, tearing into whatever flesh his teeth could sink into.

I looked away from the gruesome scene, calling out for Chan and Jisung through the mating bond, but they were probably too far away to hear my pleas. Instead, I let my wolf take control, and she slowly started limping us over to the coverage of the bushes, hoping to disguise the scent of our blood. However, the lion did not like her decision, losing sight of its easy prey. He managed to throw Changbin off, and I winced as his body crashed into the side of the rocks. I tried to throw myself forward but let out a pained yelp when I felt the lion’s teeth dig into my leg, pulling me away from my destination. 

I whined loudly, panting hard against wave after wave of pain, my flesh wound reopened by the lion’s unforgiving teeth. We started down the slope and I knew I was going to die. The lion would easily drag me somewhere it was familiar with, ripping into my throat before using my carcass as its meal for the next several days. I was poisoned with fear, watching my life slowly drain out onto the rocks around me.

But Changbin hadn’t given up, and the lion was unprepared for Changbin to attack again. My mate managed to wrestle the lion into a precarious position of weakness, immediately going for its throat and locking his teeth around its pulse point. I faintly observed Changbin pulling back with a large chunk of flesh between his teeth, my vision swimming in and out of focus. I did register Changbin’s dark scent, and his familiar voice trying to reach out to me, even as the blackness finally claimed me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I knew Chan was going to break up with me. I could tell by his posture, by the distinct way he was hunched in on himself, doing no favors to his taller height. He was also unusually quiet, taking me by the hand to lead me to the meadow where we always played together as children. The one his mother had taken us to for the very first time when we were barely five years old. It was a special place full of meaning and Chan knew how important it was to me, how I always felt calmer when I was surrounded by the familiar daffodils.

He wanted me to be comfortable because the news he was going to deliver would likely break my heart. This was all I could think about when Chan finally turned around to face me, eyes distant and sorrowful. “Myah,” he said my name, and my heart reached out to him. “Do you love Jisung and Changbin?”

I was thrown by the unexpected question. “Of course I do.”

“You know they’ll always take care of you, right?”

Chan’s questions seemed misplaced. “What are you talking about?”

Chan sighed, stuffing his hands into the pocket of his jacket. “Jisung and Changbin are starting their own pack, you know.”

I nodded because it was usually all Jisung talked about. He was beyond excited to lead his own pack, and Changbin was relieved to get away and start his own family. Felix would be joining, along with several of their friends: Seungmin, Minho, Hyunjin, Jeongin, and Woojin. I was excited too because I adored the idea of starting something new, especially with my mates by my side. 

But that needed to include Chan as well.

“My father wants me to stay here,” he finally said. “He wants me to lead our pack in the future.”

I immediately shook my head. “You have to come with us, Chan. Jisung and Changbin are your best friends, and I-”

“I’ll get in the way,” Chan interrupted. “You already have two mates, Myah. They both adore you.”

“But I need you too,” I protested, squeezing our intertwined hands. “You mean so much to me, Chan. We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

“I know,” Chan agreed, pausing to look around, a nostalgic smile on his face. “We got into a lot of trouble together, but that was a long time ago. We both have to start considering our futures.”

I stepped in closer, eliminating more of the space between us, even though it still felt like it wasn’t enough. “My future means nothing without you in it.”

Chan’s expression softened. “I can’t do that to you.”

“You’ll break my heart,” I warned him. “You’ll hurt me and you promised you wouldn’t.”

“Not if you don’t let me,” Chan said. “You deserve a long life, Myah, with Jisung and Changbin.”

“With you,” I insisted earnestly. “Chan, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have Jisung or Changbin.”

“But you do have them,” he said. “You’ll always have them.”

He tenderly reached out, thumbing his way across Changbin’s mark on my neck. “But I need your mark.”

“It’s too much.”

“Not it’s not!” I disagreed, clutching even more tightly to him, feeling like he might vanish at any moment. “Chan, you made a promise to me! You can’t say these things. Please don’t leave me.”

I was starting to panic and Chan picked up on it, releasing more of his soothing scent which I consumed greedily, faced with the possibility of never having it again. “I’ll visit when I can.”

“It won’t be the same,” I trembled, disregarding the space he tried to maintain, collapsing into his arms.

“You’ll move on.”

“No, I won’t,” I insisted, leaning up to scent him. “Why are you doing this? Why bother even promising it to me if you never planned on keeping it?” 

He winced as if my comment caused him physical pain. “At one point, I did intend to keep it, but then you mated with Jisung and Changbin. I could see the change in you, the way you looked happier around them. You really don’t need me anymore, Myah. It’s just hard to let go of the past.”

My tears were soaking through his t-shirt, but I knew Chan didn’t care. “If you leave me, I’ll miss you every day. You’re my best friend, Chan. My soulmate.”

“Be good for me,” he whispered into my hair. 

“Stop it!” I harshly interjected, abruptly pulling out his arms, startling both of us. “Stop saying that you’re leaving. If you really loved me, then you would stay.” Chan was at a loss for words, opening his mouth before closing it again. “I don’t care about our pack now,” I continued, “I care about the one I’m building, and I refuse to be a part of it without you. How can you not understand how much you mean to me? I don’t just want you, Chan, I need you! I depend on you for so much and if you left, I’ll be completely empty, because you won’t be there to fill those places anymore.”

I was incoherent, tasting my salty tears as I shook my head vigorously, refusing to acknowledge Chan’s words. Empty threats, that’s all they were. Chan had been mine from the moment we met, and nothing would ever tear us apart. No matter how many people came between us, or how many fights we got into, or how he could ever think we’d be able to live without one another. Chan caught me in his arms before my knees gave out and he brought us both to the ground, holding me close as I cried against his chest. “What can I do to convince you?” I pleaded with him. “I’ll do anything.”

For a while he was quiet and I continued to sob those terrible soul-wrenching cries that jarred the places inside of me that was frightening. Dark places I tried to hide away, like the evil voice that sometimes whispered that I wasn’t good enough for any of them. That voice might be right, but I always did my best. I would always fight for them.

Finally, Chan gently encouraged me to lean back, drying my tears with his sleeves. He picked up my wrist, brushing his lips across the blue-colored veins decorating the surface of my creamy skin. “Shall I do it here?” he asked, glancing up at me with eyes that reminded me of home.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I could only smell Changbin when I woke up, dizzy with the after-effects of restless sleep. His scent was spiked with fear. It was enough to pull me back to consciousness, and I blinked against the blinding white light infiltrating my line of vision. “Ah,” a familiar voice spoke. “You’re finally awake?”

I glanced over at Woojin. “How long have I been out?”

“A day or so,” he replied, “But I think it was the trauma. Your leg will take some time to heal.”

I sat up slowly, listening to Woojin’s advice while leaning back against the bed frame. “Is it really bad?”

“I’ve seen worse, but that was back during my training. You’re the first real injury we’ve had in the new pack.”

“That sucks,” I said, and Woojin chuckled. 

“Your mates have been worrying all night,” Woojin informed me. “I couldn’t get Changbin to leave. His scent was everywhere.”

“I can smell it,” I acknowledged. “But when you say mates-”

“Felix freaked out,” Woojin said, rolling his eyes. “He and Seungmin ran all the way to the border, and I’m sure they made it sound far worse than it actually was.”

“That was an important meeting,” I said. “They shouldn’t have done that.”

“Well, Felix is young, and it’s hard to be in your right mind when the third in command is running around nearly hysterical. I had to give Changbin some morphine, his body was halfway between wolf and human. It wasn’t pleasant to see.”

“Great,” I muttered because I didn’t like the idea of everything falling apart over me.

“They can return to the northern lands later,” Woojin said as if he knew exactly what I had been thinking. “I’m sure Taeyong would gladly welcome back Chan and Jisung. He has a mate of his own and understands how it feels to be away when they’re hurt.”

“I can’t really move it,” I said, frowning at my immobile leg. “Is that normal?”

“It’s the cast,” Woojin explained. “Do you feel well enough to talk to your alphas?”

I groaned at the idea of dealing with their high-strung whining, mothering me to the point where I felt suffocated. Woojin grinned. “I can tell them you’re still sleeping.”

“Maybe for tonight,” I agreed.

Not because I didn’t love them, of course, but because they could turn into an absolute nightmare when their alpha instincts insisted I was on my deathbed as opposed to a sterile hospital cot frowning down at my cast. 

It would be a long recovery.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I could feel Chan everywhere. 

I tried not to wince at the pain, instead of focusing on the growing bond, ignoring the way his teeth sank into my wrist, eyes bright with a vivid orange color. Instead, I only thought about Chan and it made the pain bearable. I thought about his lovely hair, naturally curly, thick strands soft between my fingers. I thought about his gorgeous eyes or the wicked slope of his nose. I thought about his handsome features, and how his smile completely eclipsed even the lowest of my moods. I thought about his warm voice and familiar scent, the rich smell of pine that reminded me of my childhood.

I thought about the way Chan made love to me, treating me like I was fragile. His body covering mine, sheltering me under his protective form. His soft kisses drawing small moans, encouraging him to give more. His pulsing cock inside of me, filling me to the brim with all the love he could give. A special kind of love incomparable to the way I felt with Jisung or Changbin.

Because Chan was encompassing. He was everywhere, present at all the points in my life I could remember, good or bad. And he filled all my empty places, the darkest parts of myself that I hated, but he managed to bring light to them all. He was everything I needed to feel complete, marked by three alpha wolves who would do absolutely anything my heart desired.

I was finally me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 4

I was losing my mind, and it was because of my three alpha mates.

I had yet to have a moment to myself in nearly a week, always shadowed by Jisung or Chan or Changbin. They hovered around me, tending to me like I was a child instead of the woman they regularly had sex with. I was beyond annoyed with their behavior, growing restless because every time I attempted to stand up, one of them was always there, lifting me into their strong arms. “Where to Myah?” or “Where are we going Princess?” or “Where do you want me to take you, Angel?”

My leg was practically healed. Woojin had even said so, coming to my room and updating my prognosis, now merely a long scar, nodding to himself slowly. “It’s almost healed,” he declared. “You should be fine, Myah.”

All three of my mates let out collective sighs like it was the most anticipated news of the century. “Woojin, I can start walking again, right?”

“Maybe soon, Myah.”

I tried not to sigh because Woojin wouldn’t have known that I required a straight answer. His response was vague enough to likely convince Jisung that I would be out of commission for another week. “What about more antibiotics?” Jisung fretted now, digging through Woojin’s bag. “Did you bring any?”

Woojin snatched his bag away from Jisung, glowering in his direction. “She doesn’t have an infection.”

“I can still smell it,” Changbin insisted, scenting the air with a studious expression that I would normally find hilarious under any other circumstances.

“Maybe another dosage wouldn’t hurt,” Chan added, perched on the edge of my bed, fingers running through my hair while he ignored my frown.

“It’s unnecessary,” Woojin insisted. 

“What about more pain killers?”

“Should it still be elevated?”

“Will it be okay in the water now?”

Woojin’s eyes widened, glancing between my three mates with evident exhaustion. “Honestly, some time away from the three of you would be best for Myah.”

Jisung protested immediately, launching into a long tirade about how Woojin wouldn’t understand how they felt since he didn’t have a mate of his own. And Jisung’s more spirited lectures tended to last far longer than necessary, so I somewhat eagerly awaited for Woojin’s inevitable breaking point. However, perhaps graciously, the sudden appearance of Felix interrupted Jisung’s passionate speech. “Chan,” the younger asked, glancing at me with uncertainty as if he wasn’t sure he could deliver his news with me present. “Another messenger from the NCT pack visited. They’d like to reschedule your meeting soon.”

“Impatient,” Chan grumbled. “Maybe in another week.”

I was ready to protest, knowing another week would be unnecessary. However, Felix beat me to it, supplying another idea that I wasn’t exactly too fond of either. “What if we asked NCT to come here instead?”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Jisung agreed, reaching over to ruffle Felix’s hair. “Nice job, kid.”

Felix frowned, giving me an apologetic look before closing the door. Meanwhile, Woojin was whispering quietly to Changbin, and their eyes kept roaming in my direction. What else was I supposed to think they were talking about?

I glared down at Chan and Jisung as they started crawling into bed on either side of me, snuggling against my sides. “Are you tired, Princess?” Jisung asked, leaning in to scent me.

Thanks to you guys, I wanted to say, but withheld the urge, managing a small nod to satisfy them. “I’ll come to check on you tomorrow, Myah,” Woojin said, and my eyes sorrowfully followed him all the way out the door, groaning when I heard Changbin announce it was time for another bath.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I wanted to be with my mates when we formally greeted the NCT representatives, but they forced me to stay in bed. I was a little heartbroken because I had been looking forward to meeting new faces. It was always exciting when new scents were around. Thankfully, kind-hearted Amelia, Hyunjin’s beautiful Omega mate, was keeping me company. The usually soft-spoken female was chattering openly about the unexpected size of the NCT diplomats. Apparently, Chan was very unhappy having so many foreigners around. “Do they have accents?” I asked.

Amelia giggled. “Some of them do. Not all of them are from the north, apparently.”

“I want to see them,” I sighed, glaring at my leg. “I hate being bedridden.”

“Maybe I can help you sneak out?” Amelia suggested mischievously. 

I briefly entertained the idea. “There’s no way I can get past three alphas. Especially Changbin, he’s too good at catching my scent.”

Amelia pouted, sharing my disappointment. “There’s a big dinner tonight to welcome them. Maybe you can convince them to let you go.”

But even such a simple request was like pulling teeth. 

“Please Channie,” I pleaded with my mate, nuzzling against him in the way I knew he liked, batting my eyelashes as I put on my best pout. 

Chan, however, was undeterred. “Not like this, Myah,” he said sternly. “There’s too many of them.”

Fine, I had two other mates who were less stoic. 

“I don’t think so, angel,” Changbin chuckled, further crushing my hopes.

“Chan already told you no, Princess,” Jisung said, but his resolve was not nearly as strong.

“Please, Sungie,” I tried again. “It would really mean a lot to me.”

“Well, maybe for a little while-”

-------------------------------------------------------------

And that’s how I found myself talking animatedly with Amelia and her younger sister, Lila, while the three of us eagerly made easy work of the feast the pack had prepared for our visitors. “I can’t believe they let you come!” Lila said at one point, shock evident on her face. “Chan made it sound like you would be out for weeks!”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s just being dramatic.”

“Mates are always dramatic,” Amelia agreed, glancing over at Hyunjin who was laughing with Felix and a few NCT members.

“They keep looking over here,” Lila said nervously and I immediately turned to glare at Changbin, the dark-haired boy sheepishly returning to his conversation with Seungmin.

“Ignore them,” I insisted. “Tell me about the newcomers.”

“Taeyong couldn’t make it,” Amelia said, “but he sent his Beta.” She nodded towards the smaller boy talking with Chan and Jisung. “Mark.”

I appraised him carefully, deciding his appearance must be deceitful, as he certainly didn’t look capable of harming a fly. “He brought seven wolves with him,” Amelia informed me. “That’s a lot more than we were expecting.”

“It’s disconcerting,” Lila admitted. “I think that’s why Chan is so suspicious.”

“They haven’t said anything to me,” I shrugged.

“They’re too worried about keeping you inside all day,” Amelia groaned dramatically. “The kitchens are boring without you!”

“I miss working,” I admitted. “I just wish Woojin would take the cast off.”

“He probably doesn’t want to take any chances,” Lila inserted. “After all, you are the pack alpha’s mate.”

“If it was up to Chan, I would stay at home every day,” I said, frowning. 

“He’s overprotective,” Amelia said. “All alphas are.”

“I like being outside and he knows that,” I said, suddenly feeling a burning irritation towards my mates, especially after having my first taste of freedom in over a week.

“Looks like Haechan is coming back,” Amelia teased her little sister and I glanced up at the approaching male.

“Hello,” Haechan bowed respectfully. I grinned at Lila’s blush. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Myah.”

“Likewise,” I returned. “I’ve been dealing with an injury lately.”

“Your mates told us,” Haechan said, nodding to the empty seat next to Lila. “Can I join?”

Lila let out a weak noise, perhaps agreement, and Haechan slid into the seat next to her. “Tell us about the north?” I asked eagerly, drowning out all other discussions as I allowed Haechan’s descriptions to fill my head. The north sounded beautiful, a land of snow and ice, unbearably cold in the winters, but rather pleasant during the hotter seasons. It wasn’t a long distance from the valley. An easily manageable walk when (and if) my mates ever decided I could make use of my own two feet again.

“I want to go! I think it sounds like a dream.”

“It’s fine,” Haechan said dismissively, but the look in his eyes told another story.

-------------------------------------------------------------  

“You should ask Changbin.”

I glanced up in surprise. “You don’t want to help with my heat?”

Jisung always took pride in being my first choice, especially since it provided a way for us to spend some time alone together, even if I was an incoherent mess for most of the duration. It’s not that I didn’t want to be with Chan or Changbin, but Chan was rather aggressive when I was in heat and I had never asked Changbin before. He was adamant about refusing sex during his ruts, so I figured he would have a similar attitude when it came time for my heats.

Jisung shrugged. “I think Changbin is upset that you never ask him.”

“He’s never said anything before...” In fact, the idea of Changbin being upset over something like this was hard to grasp.

“Well, I think it’s because he thinks you don’t want him,” Jisung said.

I scoffed at the ridiculous statement. “He never lets me near him when he’s rutting. I figured he wouldn’t want anything to do with my heats.”

“I think you’re wrong this time, princess,” Jisung said. “Changbin’s told me before that he’s always available to help if I’m not feeling up to it.”

“Huh,” I drawled, deciding I felt very inconsiderate at that moment. I suppose I just got used to asking Jisung whenever my symptoms started to flare up. It became habitual, and I didn’t stop to think about how my other mates might feel. “Well, I guess I can ask him instead.”

Jisung offered an encouraging smile. “I think it will make him very happy.”

I found Changbin later that day, sparring outside with Chan. The two were imposing as wolves, teeth bared and jaws snapping at one another. I glanced around with amusement at the younger alphas, watching the exchange with wide, curious eyes. I had forgotten that Chan and Changbin were teaching the sparring classes now that Hyunjin was away with his mate, spending time with Amelia’s family before the two returned. 

I waited patiently for my two mates to finish, taking the time to admire how powerful they were together. Chan and Changbin were both larger for their size, extending from years of impressive breeding and mating with strong bloodlines. Of course, no other wolf in the pack could really compare to Changbin. He was by far the largest wolf I had ever seen, easily eclipsing Jisung in size and somehow managing to even make Chan look like a pup. 

The two were talking in low voices together, wearing nothing but sweatpants when I approached them after their lesson. Changbin picked up on my scent first, eyes easily locating me from amongst the other members of our pack. Chan followed his gaze and a wide smile filled out the corners of his lips. “I’m surprised to see you here,” Chan gushed while proceeding to crush me against his much stronger body. 

“Too much,” I tried to tell him, but eventually surrendered, taking in his familiar scent with a deep inhale.

“Do you need something, angel?” Changbin asked, proving to be my saving grace when Chan’s arms finally released me.

I took in a deep breath. “Actually, I’d like to talk to you.”

“This sounds serious,” Chan remarked, leaning in close as if the answer were waiting in my scent.

“Alone,” I emphasized, giving Chan a pointed look.

He let out a dramatic sigh but conceded the space I needed. However, I still waited until he was far enough away before reaching out to Changbin. “Let’s go somewhere quieter.” I wrapped my hand around his bicep, directing him through the lingering crowd of our packmates. Changbin grabbed a black t-shirt on the way, stretching it out over his head.

I was suddenly nervous when we were finally alone, anxiously fidgeting in front of the bigger alpha. “So, how is everything?” I asked cautiously, trying to reformulate my proposal, hoping to make it sound as casual as possible.

Changbin arched one brow. “Are you alright, Myah?”

I let out a nervous giggle. “I have something to ask you.”

Changbin nodded, encouraging me to continue. “I’m listening.”

“That thing is coming up,” I started, wincing when I realized I was already messing everything up.

Changbin smirked. “That thing?”

“Yeah,” I agreed as if he could possibly understand what I was talking about. “I was wondering if you wanted to help.”

Changbin crossed his arms over his chest, the sleeves of his black t-shirt straining. “Angel, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“My heat, Changbin! I want you to help me with my heat.”

My face was red, and I could feel my cheeks heating up because I knew how rushed I just sounded. The words had spilled out carelessly in one of the worst proposals in Werewolf history. Changbin even looked surprised, looking down at me wordlessly. “Uh, I mean, if you don’t want to-”

“I’d love to help,” Changbin finally said, a genuine, and rare, smile brightening his dark features. 

“Well, I know you’ve been busy lately-”

“Angel,” he interrupted again, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me closer. He pressed a brief kiss to my forehead. “I’ve been waiting to hear you ask for a while now.” I leaned up to nose at his scent gland, amazed that he could ease my tension with just a few, select touches.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Five

“Have you ever had sex as a wolf?”

“Are you serious?”

Lila turned over on her side. “Have you?”

“You don’t need to know that,” I tried to protest, even as she let out a triumphant noise while poking my blushing cheek.

“Was it Changbin?” Lila asked mischievously. “I bet that was hot.”

I frowned in her direction. “This isn’t a normal conversation.”

“I know,” Lila grinned, “but Felix said it wasn’t possible. I just want to prove him wrong.”

“The two of you always have such thoughtful discussions,” I remarked, admiring the stars shivering from overhead, distant ornaments of light that managed to shine so bright, forgoing millions of miles to demand our attention.

“Myah,” Lila spoke up nervously. “Would you be angry at me if I left the pack?”

That definitely caught my attention. “What?”

Lila shuffled closer to me, seeking out my additional warmth. “I really like Haechan, but if I mated with him, I would have to leave.”

I swallowed hard, the idea of never again seeing Lila sitting uncomfortably on my heart. “If you like him, then you should go. I would never be angry at you.”

“Really?”

I nodded, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “It will give me an excuse to visit the north.”

Lila shifted, her chin digging into my shoulder. “Was it hard to leave your old pack?”

“No, but I was okay because I had my mates. It makes it easier.”

“Were you afraid?”

“A little, but change can be scary. Doing something you’ve never done before forces you out of your comfort zone.”

Lila sighed, but seemed content with my response, the two of us lying beneath the stars while enjoying the peaceful quiet of the night.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m really nervous,” I told Jisung, pacing back and forth along the hardwood floors of my room.

“It’s just Changbin,” Jisung said, sifting through my closet for something to take back to his room. Jisung claimed he would miss my scent too much, so I reluctantly gave him free rein of my closet.

“Changbin has never seen me on my heats,” I pointed out. “I’m practically delirious.”

“But it's adorable,” Jisung soothed, dragging out one of my favorite sweaters.

“It’s embarrassing,” I countered. “You used to laugh at me.”

“I don’t anymore,” he teased, protesting when I took the sweater from him.

“Pick something else!”

Jisung tuttered, grabbing one of my jackets instead. “Your heat might hit tonight if you’re not careful.”

“I’m under control,” I assured him, but I still decided that sitting on the bed might be a better alternative to my incessant pacing.

“Changbin is really excited,” Jisung said, sniffing the collar of my jacket. “He hasn’t stopped talking about it all week.”

“Well, I hope he doesn’t have high expectations. You know how messy it gets.”

“I don’t think he’ll care, princess,” Jisung explained. “I think Changbin is just glad you’re trusting him with this.”

Leave it to Jisung to always remind me when I was acting irrationally.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“I haven’t had sex in two weeks,” I vented to Amelia the next morning, leaning against her body for support as we walked through the woods. 

“Join the club,” she muttered. “Hyunjin has been too busy with NCT.”

“Alphas,” I chimed in, grateful I had managed to convince my three to allow me permission to walk alone with Amelia for a while. 

“And Lila wants to mate one?” she grimaced. 

“She’d be better off alone,” I concurred, wondering if it was too late to convince Lila to dump Haechan and stay here with us.

Amelia sighed, “It’s hard to believe Jisung could say no to you.”

“That was before a lion tried to tear my leg off.”

“So they’ve friend-zoned you because of your injury?” Amelia queried, before nodding slowly. “That’s why they’ve been super aggressive lately. They haven’t had anyone to stick their knots in.”

“I’m not resisting,” I declared. “I wish I had faster heat cycles.”

Amelia laughed, “Trust me, you’re lucky you only get them 3 or 4 times a year. Heats always suck, even with a mate.”

“That’s true, and I can’t control anything I say or do. It gives the boys more blackmail against me.”

“Jisung or Chan, sure,” Amelia relented. “But I can’t possibly imagine Changbin saying anything. Isn’t his job to be brooding?”

He might be brooding, but Changbin liked to tease too.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I had fairly warned Changbin before my heat officially settled in. I told him that I’d probably say ridiculous things or act completely out of my element. He had laughed away my concerns. “I’ll take care of you, Angel.”

But I think he was still caught off-guard.

“Binnie,” I whined rather pathetically, a nickname I would later come to regret. I pawed at my sleeping mate, hand sneaking underneath the waistband of his sweatpants, squeezing at his cock. 

Changbin was slow to rise, letting out a low moan as he reached down for my hand. “What time is it?” he asked as if I could possibly know. Time became irrelevant when I was lost in my headspace. 

“I need a knot,” I told him, unrelenting in my efforts to get him hard, despite the look of exhaustion on his face. 

“Alright, angel,” Changbin groaned, forcing himself to crawl over top of me, leaning down to kiss me softly. 

But I didn’t want Changbin’s soft kisses. I wanted to feel the glide of his tongue against mine, and I really hated those stupid sweatpants he was wearing. I tugged at them, pulling at the drawstring while forcing my tongue past his lips. Changbin let out a noise of surprise, attempting to pull away, but was completely unprepared for the way I chased after him, grabbing him roughly by the scruff of his neck to hold him in place while I resumed our frantic kisses.

I was struggling with his sweatpants, trying to push them down enough to free what I really wanted. However, to my frustration, the material was caught on the swell of his ass, and Changbin was far too gone in our passionate kiss to understand why I was whining into his mouth. But he wasn’t able to ignore the sudden appearance of my tears.

“What’s wrong, Myah?” he asked, lips swollen as he looked me over, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Binnie,” I sniffled, grinding up against him, panting at the friction I was creating. “Why won’t you let me have it?”

Changbin pulled back and I let out a pathetic cry, reaching out for him, even as he gently guided my hands back to my chest. “I’ll make it better, angel,” he promised, and I watched with delight as he worked his sweatpants down his firm thighs, kicking them into the floor. I could finally see his cock, erect against his abdomen, and my inner wolf practically howled in delight. 

I instinctively released more pheromones and Changbin craned his neck back, eyes fluttering closed as the sweet smell started to cloud the air around us. I pushed his malleable form back against the bed, crawling down his body until I could pepper kisses around the sensitive skin of his thighs. I nosed my way closer to his arousal, the source of my desires, ready to do anything to get the knot my inner wolf craved.

Changbin let out a grunt when I took him into my mouth, tongue smoothly running over the leaking tip, tasting his bitter pre-cum. It was like Changbin was everywhere, his scent filling my nose while his taste coated my mouth, saliva dripping from my lips as I tried to take him in as much as I could, all the way down to the promising swell at his base.

“Myah,” Changbin warned, thrusting into my warm, eager mouth. 

I hummed around him, knowing he would appreciate my efforts, and I wanted desperately to please Changbin. Every instinct was screaming at me to give him pleasure because then he would give me his knot. 

Changbin growled, his scent shifting into something far more dominant, taking charge of the situation as he wrestled me onto my back, grabbing my hands and holding them above my head. “Look at you,” he sneered, teeth nipping at my jawline. They felt far sharper than usual and I knew I was in trouble.

Changbin made quick work of the rest of my clothes, hands gripping my thighs roughly as he parted them, breath hot against my folds. “Please,” I shamelessly begged him, and he didn’t tease, not like Jisung might have, but Changbin was always quick when it came to sex.

His tongue led a seductive trail up my slit and I watched with eager eyes as he lapped at my leaking arousal. He was growling again, sucking harshly at the tiny bud-shaped gland that brought the first wave of pleasure. I could feel it building in my abdomen, spreading all the way to my toes as they curled against the sheets. And as good as it felt, I knew Changbin could spend hours eating me out, and that’s not what I needed from him.

I told him as much, pulling harshly at his thick black hair, urging him to give me the knot that was still steadily growing the longer we kept up this intimate foreplay. “Is that what you want, angel?” he finally snarled, eliciting a sharp yelp from me when he suddenly flipped me over onto my stomach, manipulating me into place as he closed in behind me, giving me no warning before bottoming out in one well-calculated thrust.

And I could already feel the knot, dragging against my inner walls.

His powerful torso was pressing against my back, one hand supporting himself, while the other grabbed my breast, squeezing with more force than he probably meant to allow. But every move went straight to my impending orgasm, so I didn’t really care. His grunts were right next to my ear, and his body was touching mine everywhere. I was drowning in Changbin, but it satisfied my primal urges, especially once his knot caught on my entrance, unable to leave my body now that we were connected. The movement also snapped the delicate string holding my orgasm back and I was now sobbing into the mattress, chanting his name as he continued to grind himself inside, emptying his release as deep as he could manage.

“Binnie,” I cried, barely cognizant of his efforts to lay me down on my side, breathing heavily against the back of my neck. 

“I got you, angel,” he said, voice still husky from our coupling. 

“It’s good,” I trembled, sniffling back the promise of fresh tears as I clenched tightly around his engorged length. “Don’t take it.”

Changbin chuckled. “I can’t really do that right now, angel. It might take a while.”

“It’s mine,” I grumbled, instinctively leaning in closer to his warmth. “My knot.”

“Better than Jisung, right?” Changbin ventured, laughing when I nodded my head, arching my neck back just enough to inhale more of his scent. He released more of the pheromones I craved and I whimpered at its effect on my body. “Binnie, huh?” he suddenly questioned, hand smoothing its way down my hip. “I like it.” 

I started purring at his praise, which would have humiliated me under any other circumstances, but not when I felt so content. “I’m not going to let you forget this, Myah,” He snickered, digging his fingers into my fleshy thigh.

I was under a heat-induced coma and didn’t really care.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6

NCT finally left after securing our alliance, and I was feeling down without Lila around. 

Amelia was far worse, lamenting the loss of her sister to anyone who was nearby. Hyunjin usually took the brunt of her tirades, listening with admirable patience. As for me, well I complained to my mates whenever they would listen because that was supposed to be part of their job description. Which is why I thoroughly voiced my complaints whenever it seemed like they were trying to tune me out.

Meanwhile, I was finally able to start walking again, but freedom came with a price and one of my mates was always lingering, watching me from afar. I started working in the kitchens again, grateful to return to something I felt passionate about in addition to my artwork. Life was resuming back to normal in the pack, a new alliance cause enough for celebration.

I even managed to talk Jisung out of his pants in the midst of the festivities. It was some of the best sex I’d ever experienced, leaving me breathless and aching in the places that had started to gather dust while I was still on the shelf. But I also knew complete normalcy would take a while, especially for Changbin who had actually been present to witness my gruesome injury.

Unfortunately, like all good things in life, the lighthearted moods soon came to an end when one of our border patrols returned to camp reporting suspicious scents. Chan, as head alpha, took the threats seriously, immediately going to investigate. Unsurprisingly, Changbin was already calling for blood before the situation had even been fully assessed.

My alpha mates rarely argued. In fact, I could only recall one real instance of a fight that had almost resulted in violence. It was almost bad enough to break apart the pack before we had even started:

-------------------------------------------------------------

Jisung was always more talkative after a good orgasm, especially when said ecstasy came courtesy of one of my coveted blow jobs. I was pressed into Jisung’s side, head resting on his chest as I listened to his heartbeat gradually slow to its normal gentle thud. “Have you talked to Chan about moving the new pack?”

Jisung and Changbin had originally claimed the rights to a nice patch of land along the eastern border, but after some more scouting from Felix and Minho, they decided to try somewhere further down the river. Personally, I liked the riverside land better because it was closer to the mountains. 

In response, Jisung grunted, carding his fingers through my hair. “Chan will agree with us. The new land has more prey.”

“How tempting,” I teased him. “Can we start moving in?”

Jisung chuckled. “Don’t be impatient, princess. We still haven’t decided on head alpha yet.”

“I thought you would just do it,” I said indifferently because it didn’t really seem like a big deal to me, but that was my first mistake.

Jisung tensed at my side. “It was my idea,” he grumbled, a faint growl underlying his tone.

I hesitated to speak any further on the subject, but I was concerned that my mates were having problems deciding who would lead our pack. “Is something wrong?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, leaving no room for further inquiry. Instead, he distracted me with a kiss.

-------------------------------------------------------------

And now, my three alphas were on edge again, disagreeing with one another on just about everything involving the potential threat. Changbin wanted to follow the scents and lead a preemptive attack while Chan insisted we should investigate first and try diplomacy. Meanwhile, Jisung wanted to call our new NCT allies back to fortify the camp, defending his belief that we required “strength in numbers.”

Of course, I was caught in the middle. The three boys currently hated one another and they didn’t want to share me at all. Changbin, being so much more in-sync with his wolf, was the worst, insisting I stay with him every night because he was, and I quote, “the only one competent enough to protect me.”

However, staying with Changbin at night only made things worse as I predicted they would. During the day, my mates would often corner me alone, scenting me so heavily that I grew light-headed. They were obviously trying to leave their mark on me, trying to outdo one another in this tedious argument they were stubbornly insisting on furthering. Nothing was being solved, and that only meant our pack was in constant danger from the potential threat at our borderlines.

The tension finally spilled over one afternoon after I had left the pack  to have a good run in the woods. I was feeling restless, especially as the entire pack remained on edge with the threats. I always found exercising to be relieving in a lot of different capacities, but I had also made a promise to myself to shift more often. I didn’t set out to worry anyone, which is why I was surprised to start feeling distress pulling at the edges of my mating bond. My wolf let out a whine as I turned back to camp, tasting the air and wondering if we were being attacked.

An invisible rope was tugging on my heart, urging me to return to camp, so I obeyed it, especially as it started to escalate my steadily pounding pulse. I trotted at a faster pace, slightly cautious in case something bad had happened while I was gone. Everything seemed perfectly normal this morning, and I vaguely recalled eating breakfast with Chan while trying to ignore the envious glares being sent in our direction from Jisung and Changbin. 

I hated it when my mates got competitive with one another as if my attention was a prize to be won. Lately, the three had been worse than usual, constantly looking to rile up the others with taunts and insults. Honestly, it would probably surprise anyone to hear that the three of them were supposedly best friends. 

A loud, threatening growl startled me into a sprint, racing down the mountainside to reach camp. Because I knew who that growl belonged to and Changbin wasn’t afraid to bare his teeth when he was angry. I skidded to a halt outside the perimeter of the main courtyard, eyes widening in surprise when I saw Changbin and Chan engaged in a vicious staredown, pacing around one another as if seeking an opening to attack. 

Jisung was still in his human form, looking quite frazzled as he attempted to pacify the two bigger wolves. Meanwhile, our other packmates looked on with trepidation. “What’s going on here?” I demanded, shifting pack to human form so that I could question Jisung. 

“Myah!” 

I braced myself as Jisung gathered me into his arms, holding me above ground as he buried his nose into my scent gland. His grip was unrelenting, and I could feel his fear through our mating bond. “What’s wrong?” I asked. However, before Jisung could answer, Changbin had broken his confrontation with Chan to intercede, letting out a growl which Jisung heeded, giving Changbin space to push his head against my side. “You’re too strong,” I reprimanded him, trying to push his giant head away to give myself more space. Instead, I found myself overwhelmed, falling onto my backside with an unattractive squeak that would normally lead to some sort of teasing from Jisung.

However, nothing was funny about this situation, especially when Chan’s wolf decided to read Changbin’s actions as aggressive. He came to my defense, knocking Changbin away with a threatening snarl, taking an unexpected protective stance in front of me, blocking me from everyone else’s view. “Channie,” I winced, feeling the soreness start to spread up my tailbone.

But Chan wasn’t listening to me. Instead, he was completely focused on Changbin, mirroring his threatening posture, haunches raised and teeth bared. I was completely helpless, stunned into silence while my two alpha mates continued to search for the perfect opening to attack. Meanwhile, Jisung was still trying to play peacekeeper, holding out his hands to show his surrender. “Chan,” he tried, “this isn’t really the best time to fight with Changbin.” Chan’s giant silver-haired wolf snapped in Jisung’s direction and I watched my mate roll his eyes. “You’re supposed to be the mature one!”

“Why are they like this?” I asked Jisung, slowly rising to my feet despite the flaring pain from my unexpected fall.

“We couldn’t find you this morning,” Jisung pouted. “Changbin blamed Chan because he was the last one to see you. I didn’t think it would escalate so fast.”

“This is irresponsible,” I snapped, reaching out to dig my fingers into Chan’s side. “Stop it, Chan! I’m being serious.”Chan’s wolf turned to look at me, a message to stay back clearly illuminated in the brilliant flecks of his irises. “You’re supposed to be the leader! Why don’t you act like it?”

Chan let out a whine as he gently nudged his head against me. “Lay off, Changbin,” Jisung growled from somewhere to my right.

“Can I talk to you, please?” I asked Chan. “As a human?”

Chan’s look could only be described as chastened once he started to shift back, pale skin replacing his silvery-colored fur. He immediately wrapped me into his arms, one hand buried in my hair as he forced his nose against my scent gland. “You scared me.”

“And you scared me,” I retorted, glaring over his shoulder at Changbin who must have also shifted back at some point. However, unlike Chan, Changbin seemed completely unapologetic, rage still darkening his features. 

“Where were you this morning?”

“I went for a walk.”

“By yourself? When there are rogue wolves wandering our borderlines?”

I huffed at Changbin’s attitude, wrestling free from Chan’s unrelenting grip so that I could face my furious mate. “I don’t need permission.”

“No, but you could have at least given us some courtesy,” Changbin argued, folding his arms in a way that told me he was closing himself off, completely set on whatever wrongdoing he had decided I committed.

“I’m sorry,” I offered, hoping to appease everyone, especially since several of our packmates still loitered around, despite Jisung’s command for them to return to their assignments. “But the two of you shouldn’t be fighting.”

“This isn’t something we should have to worry about,” Changbin continued. “But Chan doesn’t seem to understand the gravity of our situation. Our lead alpha has grown soft.”

Chan let out a little growl as he pushed me behind him. “I’m doing the best I can. We don’t know anything about these wolves.”

“Exactly,” Changbin grunted. “We shouldn’t underestimate them.”

“And I’m not,” Chan insisted. “I already agreed with Jisung’s plan to call back NCT for reinforcements.”

“It’s not enough,” Changbin snarled. “We should put that numbers advantage to good use.”

“By slaughtering rogue wolves who are likely just passing through the territory?”

“And what if they aren’t? How do you know they won’t attack?”

“I don’t know! But neither do you.”

“How would you feel if one of them attacked Myah?” Changbin challenged and a chilling silence fell over the four of us. 

“Are you saying I would put my mate in danger?” Chan eventually asked as he took a step forward in Changbin’s direction.

Changbin held his ground. “She’s my mate too and that’s why I’ve done everything in my power to make sure she stays safe. I let her out of my sight this morning, entrusting her to your care, and she goes missing! While rogue wolves are sniffing around our borders!” Changbin snarled as his eyes flashed a dangerous red. “You better handle the attacks before I have to intervene.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

NCT arrived the very next morning, and I chose to stay in bed in an attempt to appease my mates who had been far too unpredictable since their unexpected confrontation from the previous morning. Amelia somehow managed to sneak into my room, talking animatedly about the impressive size of the NCT pack. “There’s so many of them!” she said. “They easily outnumber our pack.”

“I bet Chan isn’t happy about that,” I said, half-heartedly swirling the contents of my glass. The orange juice seemed rather unappealing.

“Of course not,” Amelia said. “But neither is Changbin.”

“Changbin won’t be satisfied until we’re somehow living in recluse from the rest of society.”

“Is that what he’s told you?”

I smirked. “Did Lila come with them?”

“Haechan made her stay behind, but you can’t really blame him. It’s not like they’re coming here for a vacation.”

“Have they been out on patrol yet?”

“Chan’s organized one for tonight. Apparently, he’s letting Changbin lead.”

“That’s hard to believe,” I scoffed. “They haven’t agreed on much lately.”

“Hyunjin thinks it’s just some passing rogues,” Amelia said. “They’ll probably move on in the next day or so.”

“They haven’t initiated any sort of aggressive action,” I agreed. “I hope their scents fade so the pack can settle back down.”

“So your mates can get along again?” Amelia teased. “I haven’t seen them this angry since Chan became head alpha.”

I shivered as I recalled the distant memory. “I thought we were going to lose Changbin.”

“Lose him?” Amelia questioned. “What do you mean?”

It was all too easy to remember:

-------------------------------------------------------------

“Where are you going, angel?” Changbin purred as his hands tightened around my waist, pulling me back against his naked chest to halt my efforts in escaping.

I winced because the truth would likely only set off another angry tirade, a frequent occurrence these days. Changbin had been especially moody lately, ever since Chan and Jisung decided our new head alpha would fall to one of them. Chan had argued that Changbin was too quick-tempered to be a leader while Jisung claimed Changbin acted quite irrationally when it came to protecting those he cared about. “I’m meeting with my parents.”

“Today?” Changbin whined, nose finding its way to my scent gland. “I’ll come with you.”

So much for lying. But my attempt was not in vain because if Changbin heard I was meeting Chan and Jisung later, he’d likely hold me hostage in his bedroom just to spite the other alphas. Or, worse yet, insist he come along to the meeting and that would not be in anyone’s best interest. “Changbin,” I tried instead, hitching one leg over his hip. “Remember what happened the last time you met my parents?”

Changbin grunted as I laved my tongue across his pulse point. “What?”

I grinned, feeling his cock heavy against my thigh. “You asked my father for his permission to take me from his pack.”

“Did I?”

I pressed a delicate kiss to the sensitive underside of his sharp jawline. “I don’t think my father liked the idea of you “taking” me anywhere.”

“It could've been worse.”

“You told my sister she should run away with her rogue boyfriend.”

“You should always follow your heart!”

I stifled a laugh as I gripped his cock hard. “Maybe I should handle my parents alone today.”

“Yeah,” Changbin replied breathily, eyes closed against the ministrations of my fingers smoothing up and down. He leaned in closer to press a sweet kiss against the side of my mouth, a stark contradiction to his next words: “But I want to fuck you first.”

I was more than willing to agree.

I only wished later in hindsight that I had been honest with him from the start.

Jisung was feeling extra affectionate that afternoon, crowding me onto his lap as he nuzzled the back of my neck, inhaling my scent. Meanwhile, Chan was impatiently trying to organize our pack members, several straggling in at the last minute. “This is an important decision,” Chan scolded Jeongin, the younger wolf whimpering as he passively accepted my alpha’s sharp words.

“Don’t be mean to him,” I spoke through our mind-link, ignoring Chan’s low growl in response.

“Where’s Felix?” 

“He said he might be late,” Jisung answered absent-mindedly, nipping at the edge of my ear. He was far calmer than Chan despite the circumstances of our pack’s summoning.

“Minho,” Chan growled. “Are you taking notes?”

“The meeting hasn’t started yet,” Minho grumped, frowning in Chan’s direction.

Chan looked at Minho incredulously, eyes narrowed, ready to undoubtedly reprimand the younger wolf. However, the abrupt sound of knocking at the door to the main room prevented more unnecessarily harsh words. “Finally,” Chan muttered, and I grinned as Jisung mocked his voice in my ear. At least one of my mates was proving why he would make a good leader.

“Changbin.”

I froze on Jisung’s lap, feeling the alpha beneath me tense considerably at the mention of the older wolf. Slowly, I glanced at the doorway, shivering when I saw Changbin and Felix standing shoulder to shoulder. Chan’s previous mask of hardened resolved had melted away, leaving behind an expression of shock that likely resembled Jisung’s. 

 “What’s going on?” Felix asked, confusion evident as he took in the frazzled states of our packmates.

“I guess I wasn’t invited,” Changbin said coldly, squaring up to Chan as he fixed the older with a fierce look. “Was I not gonna be apart of the vote?” 

Felix glanced away sheepishly as if finally realizing his mistake. And Chan could only struggle for the right words as he found himself in a vulnerable position. But the most heartbreaking moment happened a beat later when Changbin met my gaze from across the room. Disappointed.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“But Changbin obviously forgave you,” Amelia said, noticing the long pause in my story. 

“I shouldn’t have lied to him,” I said, sighing as I reclined back against my bed.

“Everything worked out,” Amelia nodded, tilting her head to the side when a deep voice cleared from the other side of my bedroom door. “Who is it?”

Felix stuck his head inside, eyes wide as they moved back and forth between us. “Felix,” I sighed, “what do my mates want now?”

“NCT recognized their scents!”

Amelia sat up, leaning forward in her chair. “But what does that mean?”

Felix shifted anxiously. “Taeyong said the intruders are a group of former NCT pack members who left several months ago. They’re looking for new land.”

“NCT knows them?”

“There are five rogues,” Felix said, “but they’re trying to recruit more.” He cleared his throat, checking over his shoulder as if expecting someone to overhear. “We might have a war on our hands.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 7

Changbin might pretend to be indifferent, but it’s only because he had always been taught to act and behave in a certain way. His father was strict, adamant that Changbin disguise those weak emotions with strength and endurance instead. However, try as one might, there was only so much a person could take until they reached their inevitable breaking point.

And Changbin had found his in our betrayal. An attempt to keep him in the shadows, ignorant of pack politics while Jisung and Chan fought for the right to call themselves head alpha. But when Changbin found out, he could no longer hide his anger and disappointment, storming out of the room and leaving behind a string of curses.

And that’s how I found him later, standing at the edge of the clearing while gazing out into the empty woods. Perhaps that’s how Changbin felt inside: empty and alone because his packmates had so clearly disregarded his feelings. My mates thought they were doing the right thing, but seldom is the right decision an easy one to make.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I said later on while gripping tightly to his arm. 

Changbin shook his head, looking off into the horizon. The sun was setting, a faint pinkish glow illuminating the sky. “I get it,” he said. “They didn’t want me as head alpha.”

I trembled. “Changbin,” I started, “don’t think so low of yourself.”

“Am I even worthy of being your mate?” he asked, self-deprecating, ignoring my small gasp as he pulled his arm free from my hold.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“Jisung,” I said firmly, glaring down at the squirming male in question. “You’d better tell me what’s going on.”

Jisung cleared his throat, refusing to look at me. “Chan doesn’t want you involved.”

“Yeah?” I questioned, bending down to grab his chin, forcing our eye contact. “If you expect me to help you with your rut next month, then you’ll tell me everything that’s happened with the rogues.”

Jisung’s accompanying expression was one of absolute betrayal. “You would let me suffer?”

I rolled my eyes. “You have a working hand don’t you?”

Jisung scoffed. “I’m not gonna masturbate through my rut like a teenage boy.”

“And what has Changbin been doing all this time?” I smirked. “He never let me help before and he was perfectly fine.”

“Maybe he’s okay with that,” Jisung shot back. “You shouldn’t use that as blackmail! Chan has his reasons for keeping you in the dark.”

“I’m sure he does,” I argued. “He probably thinks he’s protecting me somehow.” I shook my head because Chan was far too stubborn. “It’s really embarrassing when the other females ask me about the situation, but I have no idea what to tell them.”

“The patrols are handling it.”

“Jisung, you just invited another pack into our territory! It doesn’t exactly scream that we have everything under control, does it?”

Jisung pouted. “Please don’t make me tell you. The three of us haven’t been able to get along lately. If I disobeyed an order from Chan, I’d get dragged into the same mess as Changbin!”

“Fine,” I shrugged. “But I hope you like sleeping alone tonight.”

“Myah,” Jisung whined, even as I was already slamming the door to his bedroom shut behind me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chan was clearly busy when I approached him later that day. He was conversing sternly with Taeyong, the NCT pack leader. I decided to hold back, waiting for the two of them to finish their business. I knew I would be much less likely to get information from Chan if I interrupted his talk with Taeyong. You see, Chan was acting much more serious lately, a result of him taking full responsibility as the pack’s head alpha. I was proud of him for holding his responsibilities in such high regard, but I was also a little disappointed with the friction it was causing between his best friends. 

Taeyong offered me a delicate bow as he walked by. I waited until he was out of hearing range before confronting Chan. “There you are, Myah,” Chan greeted me, touching his nose to my scent gland before frowning. “You smell like Jisung.”

“I saw him this morning.”

Chan huffed, taking a step back. “The two of you shouldn’t have sex so close to his next rut. It might trigger it early.”

“We weren’t having sex,” I said, annoyed with Chan’s possessiveness. “Am I not allowed to see my mates now without your permission?”

Chan’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Did you come here to fight?”

“Of course not,” I sighed. “But I have a feeling you’re not in the mood to hear me out.”

“It’s my job to listen to you,” Chan said. “What’s on your mind?”

“The rogues.”

Chan shook his head, gazing off somewhere behind me. “You don’t need to worry about the rogues.”

“Channie,” I argued, going right for his weak spot. “Don’t you think I should know? I’m the pack alpha’s mate and I can’t even tell the other members anything!”

“That isn’t your job,” Chan insisted. “They shouldn’t be so nosy. I’ll hold a pack meeting tonight.”

“There’s no need for that,” I countered. “Unless you’re finally gonna tell us what’s really going on with the borders. I bet Taeyong told his pack.”

Chan winced at the remark. “Actually, Taeyong hasn’t said anything. Only Mark understands what’s going on, and that’s because he personally knows the wolves involved.”

“Does he?” I asked, sensing a potential opening. “What did he say?”

But Chan was tight-lipped. “If you see Changbin later, tell him I’ve been looking for him.”

I growled in frustration as Chan walked by, completely ignoring me as he joined Mark and another NCT wolf who had started in our direction. “Asshole,” I told him, making sure to add as much bitterness as one could through a mind-link.

I went in search of Changbin next, inquiring of his whereabouts from a few lingering pack members. My tsundere mate liked to make himself scarce when things were tense around camp. I figured he probably went hunting or something, but there was no way I was following him into the mountains this time. 

Surprisingly, Jeongin told me that Changbin had been in his cabin all day. “I tried to talk to him earlier,” the younger member said. “But he wouldn’t listen to me.”

I suppose I wasn’t the only victim to Changbin’s moodiness.

Still, I was expecting more difficulty when I knocked on his cabin door and asked if I could come inside. Changbin was quick to acquiesce, flinging open the door with enough force to knock it against the wall, sending me jumping into the air in response. “What the hell was that for?” I asked while allowing him to drag me inside his cabin. 

His unexpectedly gentle kiss was my response, lips sliding across mine smoothly. “I feel like shit,” Changbin said, pulling away to rest his feverish head against mine.

“Binnie,” I soothed, omega instincts kicking in as I led him to his bed. “Are you sick?”

“Just caught something,” Changbin grumbled, refusing to let go of me as he dragged us down on top of the mattress. 

“You’re really hot,” I commented, fitting my palm over his forehead. “Are you hurting?”

“It’s not that bad, Angel,” Changbin said, rumbling softly as he drug his nose across my neck. “You smell like Jisung.”

I tried not to roll my eyes. “His rut is close.”

“You’ll smell like me after this,” Changbin declared proudly as if wearing his sickly scent around camp was something to appreciate. 

“You reek,” I informed him. “Your scent is stronger than usual.”

Changbin’s breath was warm against my throat. “You’ll stay with me, right angel?”

“Of course,” I agreed, sliding my fingers through his sweat-drenched hair. “I just hope Chan doesn't come looking for us.”

Changbin tensed at the mention of Chan. “Isn’t he too busy kissing Taeyong’s ass?”

“Binnie,” I scolded the younger, frowning at the way he burrowed closer. 

“We don’t need them,” Changbin growled, scenting me headily. “We can handle the rogues ourselves.”

“I think Chan wanted to talk to you about the rogues,” I said. “He sure as hell never told me anything,” I added, almost as an afterthought.

“Chan was pissed when he found out that Felix said something about their relationship to NCT,” Changbin admitted. “He doesn’t want anyone else knowing.”

“Why not?” I asked, running my fingertips across Changbin’s puffy cheeks. “Shouldn’t the pack have the right to know?”

“Chan’s orders,” Changbin said, teeth gritted. “He’s pack alpha after all.”

“You voted for him, remember?” 

“Only after he tried to keep me out of it,” Changbin replied, wrapping an arm around my waist. 

“He thought he was doing the right thing,” I said in response. “Why don’t you take your shirt off? It might help you cool down.”

“Is this your way of getting me naked?” Changbin grinned. “I’ll do it for you, angel.”

“Stop it,” I scolded him, pulling away only to help wrestle the constricting material from his torso. “Have you seen Woojin yet?”

“I’ll see him if I feel worse tomorrow,” Changbin said, biceps flexing enticingly as he stretched his arms above his head. 

“He might prevent you from feeling worse,” I said, forcing my eyes away from the unexpectedly attractive sight.

“It’s probably nothing,” Changbin assured me, hands smoothing down his broad chest. “Winter is starting to settle in.”

“An excuse to stay in bed longer,” I said, finding myself leaning into his warmth.

Changbin was quiet for a while, and I figured he had fallen asleep. As a matter of fact, I found myself growing drowsy with the combination of his heat and the comfort of the mattress beneath me. I was moments away from closing my eyes when he spoke up again. “I saw the new pups yesterday,” he said.

It was enough to surprise me into alertness. “Mina’s pups?”

He nodded. “I went with Jisung.”

I grinned. “You should have brought me along. I’ve been looking for a better excuse to see them.”

One of our older pack members had recently given birth to three little pups. They were absolutely adorable with their small eyes and cute little button noses. Amelia and I had spent more time there than the kitchens. It was starting to become a problem, especially when Mina’s mate was less than willing to share their cabin with other wolves. But how could anyone resist the heart-wrenching sounds of their precious giggles?

“Do you like pups?” Changbin asked.

“Of course I love pups!” I exclaimed, turning on my side to rest my chin on top of his chest. “Mina’s are so tiny! How can anything be that small?”

Changbin’s eyes met mine and I was taken aback by the raw emotion I saw reflecting back at me. “Maybe you should stop taking your pills.”

I paused, studying him closely. His implication was clear. “Are you serious?”

Changbin nodded. “Maybe on your next heat we can all try.”

His sincerity was unexpected as Changbin was the last mate I thought would inquire about having pups. I knew Jisung adored pups and he was always one of the first to see any new additions to our pack. I usually trailed along after him, adoring the look of glee in his eyes when he held a tiny pup in his strong arms. And as for Chan? Well, my oldest mate liked pups well enough and had considered in passing the idea of having pups of his own one day.

But Changbin?

“Have you talked to the others?” I asked.

“No,” Changbin grunted. “But we haven’t exactly been friendly recently.”

I nodded. “After this mess with the rogues is sorted out, maybe we can all sit down together and talk about it. I don’t want to try when the three of you are fighting.”

Changbin grinned as he practically drug me on top of him. “Okay,” he said, pecking my nose sweetly. “But I get the first knot.”

I groaned at his words, feeling the tight bulge of his cock underneath the thin layer of his worn sweatpants.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The following day, I decided to go hunting with Jisung and Changbin. The elder was feeling better after spending the day isolated away from the pack, and Changbin told me he desperately needed to shift again. Meanwhile, Jisung was feeling just as adventurous, hearing of our plans and demanding to come along. Changbin protested at first, but eventually gave in when I sternly reminded him how important it was for us to all get along. Changbin must have remembered my words from yesterday, immediately complying with Jisung’s wishes.

The three of our wolves padded together along the used trails in the woods, keeping close to camp. It was still potentially dangerous to go out past the edges of the territory when rogues were threatening our pack. However, I knew Changbin would be the last person to refuse his wolf’s obvious attachment to the woods, and Changbin was never intimidated by threats.

And I also longed to stretch my legs and have a nice run through the woods.

Nevertheless, my senses were on high alert as I walked between my two mates. My wolf was minuscule in comparison to Jisung and Changbin, but it was reassuring to know my mates were so much stronger. They would always protect me if danger happened to arise.

Changbin let out a bark as he picked up on a stray scent, nose high in the air as he caught the trail. “This way,” he directed, leading the three of us into a nearby thicket of bushes.

I kept my body close to the ground, hindquarters raised, as I waited for Changbin’s next command. “Why is your ass sticking up,” Jisung teased, nipping at my ear playfully.

“This is the hunter’s stance,” I quipped, ears pricked forward as a faint rustle echoed throughout the surrounding foliage.

“Leave the hunting to the professionals, princess,” Jisung said, stopping to shoulder himself next to Changbin. “What is it?”

“Deer,” Changbin said, tasting the air carefully. “A small doe, maybe.”

Jisung dugs his claws into the forest floor as if anticipating the impending hunt. “Should we take it, Changbin?”

“I could wrestle it down without you,” Changbin grumbled.

Jisung’s wolf huffed as if offended. “I’d overpower it easily!”

“Go ahead,” Changbin challenged, suddenly sitting back on his haunches. “If you’re so skilled at hunting bigger prey.”

Jisung hesitated, but he was far too proud to let Changbin bruise his ego. I watched Jisung crouch down, stealthily moving through the underbrush as he slowly approached the doe who was barely visible through the branches of the trees crowding the area surrounding us. I withheld my laughter as I sat down next to Changbin, allowing him to nuzzle into the side of my neck affectionately. “He’s not low enough,” he told me. “The deer will hear him before he’s ready.”

I watched with interest, silently rooting for Jisung to prove Changbin wrong as he edged closer. Unfortunately, Changbin was rarely wrong in such instances, and I winced when Jisung’s front paw broke a stick beneath his path. Immediately, the deer’s head shot up into the air, eyes blown wide as it studied the nearby vicinity. Jisung panicked, launching himself into a premature attack, barely glancing the deer with his claws before the now spooked creature took off. Jisung was quick to recover his footing, but still not fast enough to track down an animal relying on adrenaline racing through familiar territory.

“Shit!” Jisung cursed as he finally slowed down, watching the deer race away through the woods.

“Nice job,” Changbin snarked, ignoring Jisung as he turned around to look for a new trail.

Jisung held his head down as he passed me. 

“There’s another scent up ahead,” Changbin said, suddenly shifting back to his human form. 

I shifted behind him, confused as to why he had suddenly switched. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he said, beckoning me forward.

I stood next to him, gazing down into the ravine. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’ve seen better,” Changbin grinned, and I rolled my eyes at his cheesy flirtation.

“I almost had that deer!” Jisung abruptly growled, shoving his way between us, arms crossed over his chest.

“Your stance is lacking,” Changbin said, chuckling when Jisung shoved him harshly. “You need more hunting experience.”

“I have more important things to do,” Jisung defended himself, looking in my direction with pitiful eyes. “I’ve been busy with pack stuff.”

“Poor baby,” I cooed. “Maybe you just needed a practice run. You can always try again.”

“I picked up a faint scent on the trail we came up,” Changbin said, nodding to his right. “It might be a smaller doe.”

Jisung followed Changbin and I lingered behind, taking a few more moments to admire the simplistic beauty of our mountain home. “I smell it!” Jisung declared, shifting back to his dusky brown wolf as his nose sniffed across the dirt floor.

“See if you can track it,” Changbin suggested and Jisung needed no further encouragement, determined to make up for his previous blunder. 

I could hear him take off down the trail, feet thundering against the forest floor, purpose driving his steps. In the meantime, I could feel Changbin’s familiar presence as he approached from behind, nose touching the back of my neck while his strong arms wrapped around my middle.

“I really want to fuck you,” Changbin smirked, tucking my hair behind my ear. I studied the trail where Jisung had disappeared into the ravine.

“Is this really an appropriate time?” I asked as he turned me around.

“He’s gone,” Changbin grinned. “And what else are we gonna do?”

“Hunt.”

“I can catch us enough prey,” Changbin bragged, leaning in closer, thumbing at the neckline of my shirt. “Your tits look good in this.”

“What a compliment.”

“Myah,” Changbin pouted, slowly forcing me back. I allowed him to do so until my back met the rough bark of a nearby tree. “We haven’t had sex in a while.”

“If you were more patient,” I started, brushing my fingers against his gorgeous lips. “We could have sex tonight when we get back to camp.”

“Are you worried about Jisung?” Changbin asked, raising one brow in question.

“You aren’t?” I countered because the idea of Jisung stumbling upon Changbin fucking me against a tree was not exactly sexy.

“He’s not gonna know,” Changbin purred in my ear, reaching for the hem of my skirt. “I sent him after a stale scent. He’ll be searching for a while.”

“Was this your plan all along?” I indulged, allowing him to run his fingers up my bare thigh.

“No,” Changbin shrugged, fingers digging into my flesh. “But you smell really good today.”

“Do I normally smell bad?” I joked, wrapping my hands around his impressive biceps.

He flexed them on purpose. “I love your scent.”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “Changbin, don’t you think this is reckless?”

“I won’t let anything bad happen to you, angel,” he promised, looking for the right words to try and convince me to give in to his demands.

I was close to arguing again before he suddenly lifted me up, forcing my legs to wrap around his waist as he brought our bodies close together. He was unbelievably hard, cock straining against the material of his shorts. “Have you wanted this for a while?” I asked breathily because he was scenting me with purpose, determined to wipe all logical thoughts from my mind.

I barely noticed when his hands managed to push my skirt up my legs, thumbs rubbing circles into my hip bones.

“I think my wolf was jealous of Jisung,” Changbin admitted, mouthing at the exposed expanse of my chest. “He wants our scent on you.”

“And what better way,” I grinned, curling my fingers through his thick hair.

“You know I like it, angel,” he continued, hips pushing forward into mine. 

“We need to be fast,” I gasped, feeling the burning friction of his fingers as he moved my panties out of the way.

“Take me out,” he growled, eyes trained down as I worked his shorts and underwear down his legs, leaving his cock erect as he worked to support his hands under my thighs.

“Put it in,” I found myself begging, feeling his cock, warm and thick, as he moved us into the perfect position, tip threatening entrance.

And Changbin never needed me to beg for his cock, all too willing to give me whatever I wanted when it meant nothing but pleasure. Which is why I found myself moaning the moment he pushed his way inside, filling me with him slowly, a leisurely pace as if testing my patience. But I eventually learned patience throughout the years of satisfying my mates, so I simply waited until he was all the way inside, pressing against my clit with a wonderful pressure.

And with my skirt bundled up at my waist, legs wrapped around Changbin’s waist, feeling his powerful hands support my thighs with a bruising grip, I gave in to his wishes. It was all too easy to fall victim to his dark energy, and I choked on a sob as his cock moved in and out. He started a powerful rhythm that made it difficult to do anything more than toss my head back against the trunk of the tree, accepting whatever he decided to give me, which was always everything he had coiled tightly in the thick muscles that filled out his body.

“It’s good,” I made sure to tell him, praising him because I knew it would only get better the more I fed his ego, his desire to show off his strength for his mate.

But Changbin still had more demands.

“Show them to me,” Changbin begged, eyes glued to my chest. 

I tried to ignore him, scenting across his throat, teeth scraping along his skin. His dark, spicy smell was driving my omega crazy, and my wolf howled at me to bite him again. It was difficult to resist, so I gave in, gently digging my teeth against the taut flesh of his shoulder blade. “Angel,” Changbin grunted, cock stuttering inside. “Are you listening to me?”

I whined when he slowed down, dragging out with a pace that was not nearly as satisfying. “Don’t stop,” I begged him, trying to force him back inside, pushing down against his grip on my legs. 

He shifted me down, one of my feet touching the ground as his other hand continued to support most of my weight. I focused on taking in more oxygen as he tugged down my top, forcing my breasts to spill out. “That’s fucking hot,” he cursed, lifting me back up before forcing me down onto his thick cock.  

“Come inside,” I begged him, rapidly approaching my release, feeling it build deep inside.

“Are you worried Jisung might see?” Changbin teased, sweat glistening beautifully across his dark skin. 

“I-I’m not,” I managed, eyes closed tightly together as my hands ran across the broad expanse of his chest, feeling his muscles beneath the fabric of his shirt, straining with his efforts.

“He’d come in his pants like a little bitch,” Changbin snarled, mouth moving harshly across my breasts, tongue frequently taking the liberty to tease my sensitive nipples. 

I could feel his knot growing, threatening to lock us together. It was enough to finally break me out of my pheromone-induced haze. “Changbin,” I said, “you can’t knot me out here.”

Changbin groaned, nipping at his mating mark on my neck. “Can I come inside your mouth?”

“Absolutely,” I agreed breathily, unable to stop from moaning when my orgasm suddenly hit courtesy of a well-timed thrust from Changbin, knot catching slightly on my entrance.

He growled, pulling out completely before helping me settle onto my knees in front of him. “Fuck, I like you this way, angel,” he whispered, hands wrapping into my hair.

I didn’t answer, opening my mouth to allow him access. His cock sat heavy on my tongue and I hollowed my cheeks, lips stretching to accommodate him, pausing at the swell of his arousal. It didn’t take long for Changbin to finally cum, releasing down my throat, bitter but satisfying. He finally pulled out slowly, flaccid length falling from my reddened lips. 

We were both trying to catch our breath as we adjusted our clothes, trying to hide the evidence of our coupling. Unfortunately, when Changbin leaned in closer to kiss me, I could easily smell our sex permeating his scent. Jisung might not have Changbin’s superior sense of smell, but even a human could catch on to what we had been doing.

“We might be in trouble,” Changbin said, grinning against my wet skin.

After a while, I could hear the faint sound of Jisung’s paws against the underbrush. “He’s gonna smell us.”

“He’ll get you all to himself in a few weeks,” Changbin said, pressing one more lingering kiss to his mating mark.

I laughed when Jisung came into view, shifting into his human form. “He’s gonna be pissed.”

“I don’t care,” Changbin declared, holding me tightly against him, as if afraid to let go.

I merely laughed when Jisung immediately scrunched his nose as he came closer, the heavy smell of our sex assaulting the air surrounding us.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 8

Fear.

I felt it strongly, almost overbearing, as I followed the strong scent of blood. I whined when I finally saw him, barely cognizant, fur matted into thick knots as Felix and Minho carefully pulled him through camp. Jisung and Changbin were close, agitation evident in the harsh way their tails flicked back and forth. I snarled loudly, drawing the attention of the other wolves as I tried to fight my way through the gathered crowd of my packmates. 

Jisung wordlessly interceded, blocking me from the sight of my mangled alpha mate. “He needs me,” I pleaded with him, but my strength was no match for Jisung’s. 

“They’re coming,” Jisung warned, and it was only then I finally realized that I had been detecting his fear all along. But he wasn’t afraid for Chan despite his worsening condition.

He was afraid for me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Before

“Do you feel better?” I whispered to my exhausted mate.

He hooked his leg around my hip, accommodating the knot keeping up locked together. “The fever broke,” he offered in response, voice husky as he touched his nose to my scent gland. 

“I don’t think I could handle it again,” I groaned. “I need a bath.”

“Are you hurting?” he asked, instinctively releasing a familiar calming pheromone. My eyelids were heavy.

“I’m fine,” I assured him. “It wasn’t too much.”

Jisung groaned from behind me. “I’ve been worried about the rogues,” he admitted. “I was probably rough.”

“You weren’t as rough as Changbin,” I whispered, wincing as I recalled Changbin’s most recent rut cycle.

Jisung chuckled. “Changbin told me something interesting the other day.”

“Really?”

Jisung let out a low rumble as his hand trailed along my side, fingers smoothing across my stomach. “He said you were thinking about pups.”

“Did he?” I asked groggily, shivering when he tugged at his knot, detecting resistance from the engorged base.

“Do you want to have pups?” 

“I’d like to,” I said. “I really want one.”

“Just one?” he whispered, kissing my shoulder.

“I haven’t exactly thought this through.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Jisung said. “But between the three of us, I hope you have more than one.”

“Is that some sort of innuendo?”

“We’d have to plan for one of your heats,” Jisung continued thoughtfully. “Are we gonna take turns? Take you one night each?”

“Binnie wants the first knot.”

“Of course he does,” Jisung growled possessively. “But that doesn’t guarantee that he’ll have better chances.”

“Aren’t you being a little crude?” I asked him, reaching down for the hand still wavering around my stomach. “Does it really matter?”

“We’d never know,” Jisung acquiesced. “Have you talked to Chan about it?”

“No,” I muttered. “It’s hard to talk to him about anything other than the rogues.”

“He’s worried,” Jisung said. “But I think it’s making the whole pack nervous.”

“I haven’t spent time alone with Chan in a long time,” I said. “I’m not even sure he sleeps anymore.”

“Well, you shouldn’t worry,” Jisung assured me. “The three of us will take care of everything. As soon as the rogues are gone, we’ll be back to normal.”

“You and Changbin aren’t acting different,” I said, recalling my last disagreement with Chan, watching my alpha ignore me in favor of another pack’s beta.

“Changbin didn’t get his way with the rogues,” Jisung offered as an explanation. “And I’ve always been the most rational.”

I snickered at his comment, whining when he finally tugged his knot free. I immediately turned on my side, searching for his warmth. “Should I confront Chan?”

“He’d never ignore you on purpose,” Jisung said. “He just needs some time to figure out what to do.”

“He’s had more than enough time for that,” I said, slowly losing my battle with the impending promise of sleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, I allowed Amelia to talk me into an impromptu babysitting job for Mina’s pups while the she-wolf in question and her mate spent some time alone together. Jisung’s rut had broken at some point during the night and Chan had immediately ordered him back to work, sending him on a patrol in the lower valley. I, for one, was grateful for something to occupy my time, which explains why I was currently laid on the carpet of Mina’s cabin, allowing her rapidly growing pups to crawl over my still weakened body. “Leo,” Amelia chastised the younger boy who had abruptly shifted to his wolf form, teeth caught on my t-shirt. “You can’t chew on that.”

“I give up,” I declared, watching the younger pup with vague interest. “They can do whatever they want.”

“There’s only three of them,” Amelia sighed, wrestling one of the male pups away from his protesting sister.

“I feel sorry for Mina,” I said, startling slightly when I detected laughter from the doorway. 

I glared at Felix. “What?”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” he said, graciously saving my t-shirt from Leo’s sharp teeth.

“Have you ever done this before?” a new voice inquired, and I gazed up at Seungmin helplessly. 

“Does it look like we know what we’re doing?”

“They were cuter when they couldn’t walk,” Amelia added, holding Mina’s little girl close to her chest as she cried openly about her brother’s prior attack.

Felix sat down across from Leo, laughing as the younger pup immediately began chasing his tail. “They’re completely harmless.”

“Harmless?” Amelia frowned. “They’re little devils!”

“Devils?” Seungmin snorted, eagerly picking up the other male pup. Immediately, the pup nuzzled in closer to Seungmin, sniffing along his neck. “You have to discipline them.”

“They don’t listen,” Amelia insisted, groaning when the pup in her arms started whining for attention.

Leo had paused in the adventure he made of chasing his tail, sniffing the air with interest. “What is it?” Felix asked, cutesy voice almost overbearing to hear.

“Don’t talk like that,” I grumbled, rolling over onto my stomach.

“She’s not nice, right Leo?” Felix continued, ignorant to my suffering. “Are you being a good boy?”

The pup chirped happily as it fixed its attention on Felix. “You babysit then,” Amelia insisted, situating the pup in her arms onto my lower back. I groaned loudly at the additional weight pressing down.

“We never said we would,” Seungmin pointed out, allowing the wriggling pup in his arms free. Leo watched the movement and decided he was going to attack his younger brother, jumping onto the other unsuspecting pup rather ungracefully.

“Let’s take them outside,” Felix suggested, perhaps taking pity on Amelia and I. “They can run off their energy.”

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Felix carefully lifted Leo, patiently withstanding the pup’s insistent wriggling. “Felix,” Amelia cried dramatically. “You’re my hero!”

Seungmin rolled his eyes but reluctantly lifted the other male pup, following Felix’s lead. Meanwhile, Amelia had relieved me of the burdening weight of Mina’s youngest girl, hugging tightly to the small pup as she joined the boys outside. I let out a groan as I gathered myself onto my feet, brushing off my jeans before stepping out the door. “Why are you so slow?” Seungmin questioned me when I finally managed to stand next to him and Felix. 

“She had to take Jisung’s knot all week,” Amelia responded, overhearing our conversation as she plopped the smallest pup down in the middle of her brothers. 

Seungmin wrinkled his nose. “I thought you smelled differently.”

“She smells like Jisung,” Amelia said, sighing happily as she watched the three pups play. “And he was clingy this morning.”

“He’s always like that,” I rolled my eyes, quietly surveying the remainder of our packmates attending to their various responsibilities. “Aren’t you two supposed to be on patrol?”

“Chan sent NCT members on the morning patrol,” Felix said. “I think I’m going out tonight.”

“I got the day off,” Seungmin bragged, wincing when one of the pups rolled into his leg. 

Amelia grinned. “You’ll need it after this.”

“What?” Seungmin brushed it off, glaring down at the pup who had rejoined his siblings. “I can handle pups.”

“Mina has kept them inside,” Felix remarked. “I don’t blame her, but they’ve probably grown restless.”

“I haven’t noticed,” Amelia snarked, brightening immediately when she spotted Hyunjin walking our way. “Jinnie!”

Hyunjin cautiously approached, dutifully avoiding the energetic pups racing between his long legs. “What are you four doing?”

Amelia whined as she wrapped her arms around Hyunjin. “Jinnie,” Amelia said. “I don’t want pups anymore.”

Hyunjin chuckled, glancing over at the hyperactive trio. “What made you change your mind?”

“They’re little demons,” she growled, leaning in to scent her mate. 

“You liked them when they were younger,” he said, kneeling down to wrangle Leo into his arms. “You were begging Woojin to take you off the pill.”

Amelia blushed. “They were cuter then.”

“And they aren’t anymore?” Hyunjin asked, lifting Leo into the air, the pup giggling at Hyunjin’s playful display of strength. 

“I’ve had the same change of heart,” I nodded, shivering as I imagined being responsible for three pups with no reprieve. 

“Good luck with that,” Seungmin snickered. “Changbin’s been talking about having pups. You might break his heart if you tell him no.”

“Well,” I grumbled. “He doesn’t understand what he’s getting us into.”

“Little miracles,” Felix cooed, lowering himself to his knees as he invited the other two 

pups into an impromptu wrestling match, rolling around on the ground as the pups shrieked with delight at having such a willing punching bag.

“You should be careful,” a new voice interrupted and I cautiously bowed my head respectfully as Chan joined our group. He offered me nothing more than a cursory glance as he glanced between Felix and Hyunjin. “Why aren’t you resting for tonight?”

“Oh, come on Channie,” Felix giggled, touching his nose delicately to each pup. “We’re just having fun.”

“They should be inside,” Chan continued sternly, ignoring Felix’s frown. “It’s irresponsible to take them outside.” 

“I’m sorry Chan,” Amelia immediately tried to rectify. “We were watching them.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Chan insisted sharply and I bristled at the tone he directed at my best friend. “It’s dangerous with the rogues around.”

“Chan,” I snarled his name. “That’s enough.”

The others immediately fell silent as Chan turned his attention to me, eyes narrowed in disbelief. “Take them back inside,” he directed as if intentionally disregarding me.

Hyunjin held onto Leo tighter as he and Amelia retreated into Mina’s cabin. Felix and Seungmin grabbed the other two pups, hesitantly glancing between Chan and me. I ignored their obvious concern, nodding towards the cabin to redirect the pair. However, before I could follow them, I felt Chan reach out to grab my wrist, holding me in place. “Let’s talk,” he ordered briskly, and I reluctantly allowed him to guide me away from the others. 

I supposed I was done babysitting for the day.

Chan brought us to the edge of the woods, releasing my wrist as he slowly backed away. “Well?” I prodded, even knowing that such a short retort would likely ignite his temper.

But Chan calmly held his ground. “You know better than to question my authority as alpha.”

“You weren’t being an alpha,” I said. “You were being a bully. Amelia didn’t deserve that treatment.”

“I’m trying to keep this pack safe,” Chan defended himself. “There’s a reason why I’ve been so busy lately.”

“As I could possibly forget,” I returned. “All you worry about are the rogues.”

Chan scoffed. “Are you suggesting I should forget about them?”

“I’m suggesting that you shouldn’t forget your duty as alpha means more than protecting our borders,” I said. “You also have a responsibility for the well-being of our pack, but you’ve decided to neglect them. I haven’t seen you once visit the wolves in the infirmary and you used to visit our sick every day! And you force our pack members on patrols three times a day which leaves everyone feeling tired and drained. You’ve caused a rift between you, Jisung, and Changbin, and you don’t even bother to do anything about it.” I took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts. “And I’m pretty sure that’s the first time you’ve ever visited Mina’s pups! Don’t you think it reflects badly on our pack when its alpha doesn’t care about our future? Plus, you’ve been ignoring your own mate. I only see you in passing and most of the time we argue like we’re doing right now!”

Chan was silent after I finished my unexpected tirade. The alpha’s expression was difficult to read, but his posture was resolutely tense. Finally, Chan addressed my grievances: “Everything I’m doing is for our pack, and I’m hurt that you would think otherwise.”

“Channie-”

“Myah,” Chan continued sternly. “I don’t have time to talk about this right now, but I expect to see you in my cabin tonight because there’s a lot we need to discuss.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

After

Woojin was a great healer, but I was beginning to lose my confidence in his abilities the longer I paced outside the infirmary, worried for my mate who suffered inside. “Myah,” Jisung tried, watching my movements. “You know Chan wouldn’t be happy if he knew you were this upset over him.”

“He’s hurt,” I whined pathetically because what Jisung didn’t understand was the amount of guilt I possessed over my earlier confrontation with the alpha in question. What if that was the last thing I was ever able to say to Chan? How could I live with myself knowing I decided to berate him for being a terrible alpha right before he was set to go out on a dangerous patrol?

“You need to relax, angel,” Changbin said, patting the empty space on the bench between himself and Jisung. 

I didn’t deserve it, but I also couldn’t stand the idea of disappointing another mate. Changbin and Jisung were too good to me, releasing sweet alpha pheromones that worked at the tension in my body despite my overwhelming guilt. I hadn’t even realized my tears until Jisung’s thumb gently smoothed beneath my eyes. “Why are you so upset, princess?” he asked and that only made me want to cry even more.

However, instead of answering, I buried myself into Jisung’s neck, scenting him heavily as I tried to forget about everything that was happening. “This isn’t like you,” Changbin said, hand resting comfortably on top of my thigh. “Chan will be okay.”

“What if he’s not?” I cried, sniffling against Jisung’s shoulder. I felt bad that I was ruining his shirt.

“Is that what you’re worried about?” Changbin questioned. “Angel, Woojin said that the wound wasn’t that deep. He’s probably just being extra careful so Chan can heal faster.”

“He deserves better than me,” I said, the remark slipping free like the steady flow of tears swelling the round arches of my cheeks. 

“Princess,” Jisung inserted, grabbing my chin to force my attention. “Why do you think that? What happened?”

I stared into Jisung’s kind brown eyes, wanting desperately to purge all my nasty insecurities. Thankfully, the welcome appearance of Woojin paused that unpleasant conversation. “Chan is fine,” Woojin said, wiping the sweat from his brow. “You can see him if you want. He’s a little groggy from the pain medicine.”

“He’s okay?” I asked, shoulders deflating as a resounding sensation of relief banished all the tension from my heart. 

I didn’t even register what I was doing until I was crushing Woojin against my body, thanking him over and over again as the bigger alpha let out a nervous chuckle, gently prying me away. “It’s my job?”

“Come on, angel,” Changbin chuckled, ushering me into Chan’s room.  

I swallowed hard as I wavered in the doorway, my other two mates joining Chan on either side of his bed. “How are you feeling, Chan?” Jisung asked, clicking his tongue as he surveyed Chan’s disheveled appearance. 

“You look like shit,” Changbin said, grimacing as he took in the unexpected appearance of Chan’s messy curls. 

“M’ tired,” Chan replied, eyes rolling over Jisung before attempting a similar appraisal of Changbin. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the infirmary,” Jisung said. “Your patrol was attacked at the border.”

“That doesn’t seem right,” Chan replied. “When did this happen?”

Changbin snorted. “What kind of medicine did Woojin give you?”

Chan ignored Changbin, sniffing the air with interest. “Myah?”

I was startled at the mention of my name, reluctantly dragging my feet to the end of Chan’s bed to gaze down at the alpha nervously. However, surprisingly, Chan didn’t immediately demand an apology for our earlier argument, instead, he let out an uncharacteristic whine as he held out his hands. “Come closer.”

I edged past Changbin, joining Chan at the side of his bed. “Are you okay, Channie?”

The alpha disregarded my question, grabbing onto my arm as he attempted to weakly pull me towards him. “Not close enough.”

I was practically bent over the rails of the bed, allowing Chan to sniff eagerly at my scent gland. I let out a growl as Changbin smacked my ass, glaring at the other alpha who was obviously quite pleased with himself. Jisung chuckled at our exchange. “Are you done asserting your alpha dominance?”

Changbin frowned. “As if you’re any better.”

The two were quietly bickering as Chan’s lips brushed across my ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered whilst sounding perfectly sensible, and I knew exactly what he was apologizing for. 

“Me too,” I replied, leaving a sweet kiss at the edge of his lips.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 9

I was dreaming, but it felt more like a memory. 

Because I was home again. Not the home I shared with my mates and our pack, but the home I associated with my parents and the sweet smell of honeysuckle flowers in the backyard. The kind of home that always made me think exclusively of my most innocent occasions with Chan, misbehaving as we daringly climbed the highest trees and swam in the river despite its overpowering current. A home I knew before I would mate three alpha wolves who would have a profound effect on the person I would become.

But the memory was wrong. For example, Jisung and Changbin were there too and my mates were never around my home when we were younger. We were also older and that was wrong too because I never returned home after I left for the first and last time. However, the differences were strange and I felt like there was something important I was forgetting. Ignoring the feeling of tension while the four of us acted like pups again as we mischievously chose to play in our wolf forms. We nipped at each other’s legs, running through the fields despite the eerie sight of a thick fog curling through the woods. 

I stopped in the middle of our game. The fog was wrapping itself around my legs, climbing the full expanse of my height. I shifted back because my wolf was somehow distant from me, warning me to do something that I didn’t understand. I felt trapped, unable to move or even call out to my mates who had returned to see why I was no longer participating in the game. But their voices sounded distant, muddled and obscured by something invisible. I was afraid because everything was rapidly changing and there was nothing to stop the inevitable.

And then I was alone because the fog and my mates were gone. But somehow this was worse and I fell to my knees because I didn’t know what else to do. What if they abandoned me? What if I was forced to live alone for the rest of my life? I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I wanted to do something but I felt a tight pull demanding my attention.

A little pup was watching me. His blue eyes, which reminded me so much of Chan, were distant. I reached out for the little pup, beckoning it closer. We were both in danger, I could feel it in the bone-chilling breeze that ruffled my hair. But the little pup did not move from its spot and I could do nothing from mine. “You can do it,” I encouraged the pup, but my whispery tone was lost in the cataclysmic space separating us.

I saw red eyes next, glowing bright and sinister. An obvious evil that wanted to hurt me and the little pup I was failing to protect. The wolf they belonged to was targeting the little pup who refused to move from its spot. I whimpered pathetically, desperately trying to reach the stubborn pup who seemed insistent on staying where it was. “You can’t save it,” the wolf snarled at me. “You can’t save any of them.”

Suddenly, there were dozens of wolves surrounding us, moving in closer with predatory steps, haunches raised as they prepared to attack. “Please,” I begged the pup, but it was now watching the wolf who had spoken before.

“They tried to protect it,” the wolf growled, stepping aside as three of my aggressors proceeded forward. At first, it was difficult to discern their shapes because of the thick shadows, but as they came closer, the light revealed the sickening truth. I had never seen Jisung so lifeless before, eyes closed and throat scarlet red as the wolf dropped his limp body next to the little pup who only seemed puzzled by the sight. 

“Daddy?” the little pup questioned, nuzzling its tiny nose against Jisung.

Changbin was left next to Jisung and he appeared to be in far worse condition, dark hair matted with mud and clothes soiled with blood. I had never seen my mate look so weak before. “Why won’t he wake up?” the little pup asked me, pressing a tiny paw against Changbin’s shoulder. But my mate did not respond.

And I was beyond reason because I knew they were both gone.

Yet, at the same time, nothing could possibly compare to the utter anguish I experienced when Chan finally came into view. My oldest friend, my first love, who never gave up and defied all odds and expectations, was being pulled across the ground by the collar of his tattered shirt. 

I had never seen my mate look so defeated before. “Channie,” my voice cracked, and I was lost to my grief because I was nothing without the three of them.

“Is he tired?” the little pup asked, burying itself against Chan’s side despite the horrifying amount of blood seeping through the fabric. “He smells different.”

“Binnie?” I desperately tried. “Sungie?”

“Mommy,” the pup finally summoned me, eyes reflecting wisdom that defied its years. “Aren’t they coming back?”

I couldn’t breathe, holding back something between a sob and a shout. But the torrential river of tears had already escaped without my consent, staining my cheeks and the well-worn neckline of my favorite sweater. “What have you done?”

I directed the question at the menacing wolf who clearly held responsibility for all the pain and grief I was expressing. The wolf snarled, teeth coated with their blood. “There’s nothing you can do to stop it! They’re coming for you, Myah.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

I jerked awake, eyes wide open as heavy breaths filled my screaming lungs. I stifled a cry, slapping my hand over my mouth as the familiar sight of my bedroom came into focus. A single tear spilled free when I realized that Changbin was lying next to me. I immediately placed a hand over his chest, relieved when I could feel the way it rose and fell with the life coursing through his veins. My mate was still asleep and he looked incredibly peaceful, skin glowing with color and an obvious absence of red from any trace of his body. “Binnie,” I delicately whispered, ready to burrow myself against his warmth and demand his attention. But Changbin deserved to sleep, despite the countless times he had assured me that he would never be upset if I woke him after a nightmare. Instead, I decided to take a walk, even if I knew it was dangerous without one of my mates to escort me along the perimeter of our territory. 

I needed fresh air.

Thus, despite the sweat caking my hair to the back of my neck, chilling me when I stepped into the cold night, I made my decision. I shivered, tightening my grip on the lapels of my sweater. I started in the direction of the woods, where the rogues had never been sighted, deciding that I could walk to the edge and back before Changbin had a chance to realize I was gone. It was a good plan because I was still suffering from the pain of my recent nightmare, body convulsing slightly as I wiped away the salty drops from my cheeks.

I hummed to myself, emptying my mind of everything, but especially the nightmare, as I noisily crunched the permafrost decorating the grass beneath my feet. It was really nice, breathing in the fresh air as I worked my muscles loose. When I first came to the pack, I always took walks by myself before going to sleep. They were a surefire guarantee to relieve my body’s tension. Perhaps I should reconsider incorporating them back into my routine.

When the woods finally came into focus, I felt a tremor of fear as images from my nightmare flooded my mind without my conscious dictation. But everything felt so incredibly real and I could only stand the sight of the trees for a few seconds before I was already turning back around. I missed Changbin’s warmth and his scent would be just as reassuring as the fresh air had been.

A low growl sounded from behind me.

I froze to the spot, whipping around so fast that my hair flew into my line of vision. I could make out their forms in the trees, glowing eyes seeking out my vulnerable person. Instinctively, I shifted into my wolf form, snarling at the shadows threatening the peace of our camp. 

But I was greatly outnumbered. 

There were at least a dozen wolves shaking themselves of the precipitation from the vegetation they had escaped from. They surrounded me completely, leaving no room for a possible escape. I was terrified, but I put on a brave front, hoping to intimidate them into abandoning what they probably suspected to be easy prey.

The biggest wolf, who I assumed to be the alpha, approached me first. He tasted the air, eyes widening in interest as his claws dug into the dirt. “Don’t you know there are rogues at your borders?”

“This isn’t your territory,” I reminded him, snapping my teeth at a different wolf who dared a step in our direction.

“For now,” the alpha wolf insisted smugly, appraising me like I was something he wanted. “What’s a she-wolf doing out here on her own?”

“An omega too,” the wolf I previously snapped at deduced, sniffing the air aggressively. 

“She would be perfect for me, Jaemin,” the alpha grumbled, making me feel small in comparison to his proud stature.

“Jeno needs a mate,” Jaemin continued, eyes locked on my quivering wolf as he started circling me. “Know anyone for the job?”

Jeno snickered, coming in closer. My wolf instinctually lowered herself to the ground, whimpering when the bigger alpha loomed over top. So much for my bravery. “Maybe I’ll just take you.”

“I’m already mated,” I tried but Jeno just laughed.

“I’ll ruin their claim on you,” Jeno growled, forcing his nose against my scent gland. “You won’t be able to fight it, isn’t that right, Renjun?”

The summoned wolf emerged from the group, defending his alpha. “You’re just an omega.”

“A she-wolf,” Jaemin added. “You don’t stand a chance against us.”

“I could just take you now,” Jeno continued, rutting against me and my wolf howled in protest. “It would be better if you submit.”

“Maybe we can kill your alphas,” Jaemin suggested. “Then you’ll have nowhere to go.”

“Please don’t hurt them,” I begged the rogue wolves who were likely beyond reason.

“We’ll do whatever we want,” Jaemin sneered. “This is our territory now.”

There was a chorus of agreement from the other gathered wolves.

“And they had the audacity to call our former packmates?” Renjun shook his head, his wolf pawing at the ground. “None of you stand a chance.”

The threatening wolves seemed so self-assured, releasing intimidating snarls and growls as they maintained their lines. Jeno leaned down, sniffing at my lower half. “This one is almost in heat.”

“Take her now,” Jaemin insisted, wolf releasing a whine as he paced back and forth. He was anxious to see his alpha exert his dominance.

“Make the claim,” Renjun encouraged him and I had never been more afraid.

But I still had the wherewithal to consider my circumstances, ignoring the way Jeno started to sniff his way across my fur. I didn’t want to give myself to the horrible alpha wolf, but there was nothing I could do to stop his ego. My only option was to agree to his advances, especially if I could also help my pack.

“If you leave my pack alone,” I interrupted the two wolves. “I’ll come with you without a fight.”

Jaemin paused and Jeno seemed to consider the offer. “Where would we go? This territory belongs to us.”

“There are weaker packs in the surrounding valley,” I insisted, feeling ashamed to dismiss another pack so easily. “They wouldn’t see you coming.”

“Is that so?” Jeno asked. 

“Don’t listen to her,” Jaemin growled. “We already have the advantage. Their pathetic alpha almost lost his head when he tried to stand up to you.”

“Our alpha is stronger than ever,” I lied. “My pack has formed a formidable alliance. They’re prepared to attack and kill your wolves. You could avoid that confrontation and find easier hunting grounds further north.”

Jeno’s tail lashed harshly from behind him. “Will you come with us tonight, then?”

“Tomorrow night,” I tried, utilizing every argument my fear-ridden mind could conjure up to try and dissuade the obvious threat. Because if they attacked our camp, how many of my packmates would be killed? Would someone like Jeno have mercy on Mina’s pups? 

My sacrifice could save them all.

Jeno was quiet for a while, ignoring his packmate’s impatience. Finally, he conceded and I had never felt so relieved. “Alright, omega, if you come with us tomorrow night, then we’ll leave your pack alone.”

It was a worthy exchange, and I would be glad to risk my life.

“I promise,” I agreed. “As long as you keep your word.”

Jeno growled. “I always keep my word.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

I returned to my cabin shaking from head to toe. I had formally made an agreement with a rogue alpha to leave my pack in exchange for his. If my mates knew of this exchange, then they would immediately do everything in their power to change the end result. However, for once in my life, I wanted to do something for them.

I shakily crawled back into bed next to Changbin, willing the tension to leave my body. Surely, my mate would detect my heightened anxiety through our bond? I didn’t want Changbin to worry or ask any unnecessary questions.

“Did you leave, angel?” Changbin’s voice abruptly asked, voice groggy as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

“No,” I lied, gradually feeling his breathing even off as he returned to sleep. It wasn’t the first time I had ever lied to Changbin, but it might possibly be the most profound utterance of my entire existence.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn’t think of a better way to honor my mates for the endless love and affection they always reserved for me. They were always there to help and support me, even if it led to embittered fights between the trio. Thankfully, I could at least rest easy with the knowledge that the four of us had seemingly settled into an easy situation despite the threat of the rogues. It was a good time to leave when everything was so perfect because I could always remember them this way. It was enough to instill the courage I needed to carry out my promise to Jeno. 

The following morning, I made sure to spend as much time with my mates as possible. I gave the morning to Changbin, waking up next to him and wrapping my hand loosely around his cock. Changbin was sweet, sleep still heavy in his eyelids as he fucked me, and I ran my hands across his dark skin, trying to memorize the way it felt.

I spent the afternoon with Jisung, the two of us playing together behind his cabin before we laid out a blanket on the grass. I let Jisung cook for me, even though he was rather horrible at in the kitchen, but I complimented his food. I even let him feed me since he enjoyed it so much. I always found it humiliating, but I knew it made him feel like he was taking care of me and I wanted him to feel like he was a perfect alpha.

It was harder to meet Chan that evening, enjoying the meal he prepared for us. As I sat across from him at the table, I studied his features closely hoping to keep a photographic equivalent locked safely away for me to summon at a whim’s notice. Chan hardly noticed my weird behavior, talking about how little they had seen of the rogues all day. I knew that was my doing, but it was validating to know that they would keep their word.

And since Chan was feeling better after his accident, I desperately wanted him to fuck me. It was easy to convince him, smashing kisses to every available surface of his countenance, releasing pheromones I knew he couldn’t resist. Despite the hurried way he tried to progress our lovemaking, I insisted on a slower pace, wanting to feel Chan’s fingers as they brushed across my skin. I needed his lips and teeth to leave marks against my collarbones, bruising the delicate skin around my scent gland.

I freed him from his shirt, enjoying his kisses while I worked hard to map out his body. I wanted to know every muscle and bone that built his torso, the pale skin that reminded me of the fresh snow in the mountains. I ran my hands across his abdomen, tracing the faint trail of dark hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his jeans.

There was so much of Chan to love and I wanted him to feel like he was the most important alpha in the world.

I handled his cock with as much care as possible, thumbing across his foreskin, watching the precum glistening at his tip. I decided to taste him, hoping to memorize that as well because I would miss every part of him when I was gone. The impossible swell of his knot, the dips my tongue encountered on their sensual journey along the velvety flesh. “Channie,” I purred happily, feeling him deep in my throat.

I could always remember that.

“Myah,” Chan’s voice was soft and affectionate. He undressed me leisurely, falling into the pace I set, kissing my skin reverently while making me feel like I was the most treasured thing in his life. I recalled an earlier conversation from dinner, remembering the way Chan spoke about the possibility of having pups of our own: “You’ll be glowing,” he praised. “I’ll have more of you to worship.”

“Whatever you want,” I replied even though I hated the fact that I couldn’t fulfill his request.

I choked on a sob as Chan’s cock suddenly penetrated between my legs. He groaned above me, scent heady and powerful as he pressed inside, connecting the two of us in the most intimate way possible. I wanted to stay like that forever, locked together with Chan, his knot holding us in place while he fervently praised me, words forming the most beautiful sentences.

“More,” I demanded of him, which might be selfish, but Chan was never one to deny me anything.

“Whatever you want,” he said in reply, quickening his pace, hips drumming against mine as the sound joined our harmony of moans.

“Please,” I cried, tightening my grip on his curls because they were lovely when I could feel them between my fingers.

“I love you,” Chan whispered, cock hitting perfectly as his tongue traced against my scent gland. 

I was crying, but perhaps Chan thought it was out of pleasure as opposed to the impending sacrifice weighing heavily on my subconscious. “I love you so much,” I hiccuped, moaning as I felt his knot catch, dragging heavily as he continued to thrust his hips.

“You’re mine,” Chan continued, chanting my name. “So beautiful.”

“Channie,” I whined, stuttering when he attempted to pull out one last time. He faced resistance from the knot, but he was strong enough to continue. 

Chan was always the strongest because his heart was pure and loving.

“You’ll make a great mother,” Chan whispered and I lost all inhibitions as he finally stilled his movements. He moaned as he rested his head against my chest, curls soft as he found where we were connected. I kissed the damp skin of his forehead, reaching down to thumb along the exposed flesh of his swollen knot causing him to shiver above me. “Feels so good,” he slurred, mouthing across my scent gland, toned shoulders flexing as he lowered himself to fit against the expanse of my throat. 

“You feel good,” I praised him, running my hands up and down the smooth skin of his back, pausing at the dip in his spine. 

“I’ve missed you,” Chan purred happily, content to nip at my scent gland while I savored the sensation of being completely obscured by his overwhelming warmth. Chan always made me feel safe because he was always willing to do whatever was necessary to ensure my well-being. I was grateful for everything he had given me, but I knew it was time to give something back.

Chan was slowly losing himself to the promise of sleep, and I could feel his hold loosening around my waist. I knew Jeno would be waiting, but I didn’t want Chan to suspect anything. Even if he noticed my absence in the middle of the night, I wanted to be long gone before he could possibly find me and change my mind.

Because my mates had spent their entire lives protecting me, so now it was time I tried protecting them.

I waited until Chan was fully unconscious before I quietly left the room.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 10

When I was still in high school, a group of jealous omega girls started openly targeting me as the primary recipient of their endless bullying. Apparently, the idea of having three alpha mates was incredibly taboo in our pack, especially given how young we were. Sure, there were plenty of instances of omegas mating with one or two alphas in other packs, but three? And it was impossible to forget how rare my situation was when our classmates enjoyed reminding me. 

In actuality, I should have known that they were hurting me out of jealousy as opposed to some sort of personal vendetta against an omega who had already mated three alphas. For example, the leader of this group of petty female nuances happened to be the same girl Changbin abandoned the night he mated me. And two of her friends had previously spent their heats with Jisung before I was even in the picture. But whatever the reason, I was always deeply offended when they would taunt me in the hallways or leave behind some sort of reminder that they despised my circumstances.

Like those horrible notes they left in my locker

I carefully unfolded the pristine white square, smoothing out the creases. “The school’s biggest slut,” I read aloud while trying to ignore the way my wolf bristled at the insinuation.

“At least you’ve acknowledged it,” a reckless female voice mocked from next to me. I glanced up wearily as she joined her friends at the lockers behind mine. 

I looked back down at the note despite the fact that the words had started swimming together in front of me. It was difficult to make out the letters and I felt absolutely horrible as I picked up their whispered insults. It was all too much for me to handle because I had never faced this level of derision before, especially from those who were supposedly my pack members.

“Angel.”

I quickly folded the note and stuffed it inside of a textbook before Changbin could see the harsh words. I turned around, hoping I looked more put together than I felt, unresisting when Changbin pulled me closer by the hips. “You smell good,” he remarked, leaning in closer. 

From over his shoulder, I spotted the young group of girls frowning in our direction. “I thought you were busy.”

“I’m never too busy for you,” he purred cheesily. “You shouldn’t be at school this close to your heat, angel. How can we take care of you here?”

I could hear their giggles in the background. “You never want to help,” I said bitterly, ignoring the way Changbin’s expression fell. 

“Angel,” Changbin continued delicately, “are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I muttered. “I can’t be late for class.”

“But if you aren’t feeling well...”

“I promise I’m okay,” I dismissed his concerns.

“Let me take you to class.”

“I can walk by myself,” I retorted, reaching back to slam my locker door shut. 

I knew I had hurt Changbin, but I couldn’t stop thinking about those filthy notes or the taunting insults and dirty looks my classmates gave me in the hallways. Those omega girls had no idea how wrong they were in turning everyone against me. They only cared about getting a reaction, and I wasn’t strong enough to deny them.

“Angel,” Changbin tried again, but I was already walking in the opposite direction.

I ate lunch alone because I was tired of dealing with the rest of my classmates, and I knew that nobody wanted to deal with me. It had become a tentative arrangement, an unspoken agreement that they would leave me alone if I sat as far away from civilization as possible. Normally, I would refuse to sit alone, but I didn’t have the desire to continue fighting when I was the only enemy.

I glanced out the window, watching the way the rain fell against the glass. My wolf longed to escape the oppressive atmosphere of our school life, and I had never wanted the shift more. I could practically feel my muscles aching, desiring nothing more than to let my wolf take control and run us back home where I felt safe.

I suddenly raised my head when I detected a familiar scent. It was graciously soothing...

“Hello, princess!” 

Jisung’s voice was charming as he sat next to me. “I switched lunch periods. Changbin said you weren’t feeling well.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s exaggerating.”

“Well,” Jisung started, tossing down his tray, “I still worry.”

“I don’t want you to worry about me,” I said, sighing as I slowly started the process of dividing my vegetables into the remaining compartments of my lunch tray.

Jisung watched me carefully. “How was class?”

“Boring,” I told him honestly, wincing when my spoon scratched against the metal underside.

“I thought you liked your art class?”

“The teacher put on a film today,” I explained. “I was seconds away from falling asleep.”

“Is that why you look so down?” Jisung asked, shuffling in closer to me. 

I could feel his familiar warmth.

Jisung grabbed my spoon, filling it with the school’s flimsy excuse for nutrition. “Princess,” Jisung continued, holding out a spoonful of vegetables. 

A nearby duo of alphas had started observing our exchanges. The look in their eyes was one of silent judgment. “I’m not hungry,” I insisted, ignoring his offering.

Jisung frowned, lowering the food. “What’s wrong, princess?”

“I have a lot to do,” I said. “I need to talk to my teachers since I’ll be out for my heat.”

“That’s right,” Jisung said, eyes brightening. “When do you want me to come over?”

“I’ll let you know,” I said, suddenly feeling the desire to escape the dining room before the two of us attracted more attention. Yet, while attempting to stand up from the table, I was unprepared for the sudden headrush, stumbling to the side. 

An unfortunate side effect of my impending heat hormones.

But Jisung was there to hold me close, scenting me gently while my vision slowly stabilized. Nevertheless, I still heard the whispers from the surrounding tables. Why was everyone being so infuriating?

“Jisung,” I hissed, stepping out of his embrace. The alphas sitting next to our table snickered as they watched the two of us. 

“Did I hurt you, princess?” Jisung fretted, hands anxiously wandering down my arms. 

“No,” I fidgeted, taking another step back. “I just don’t feel good.”

“Are you cramping?” Jisung questioned and my face heated because he had said it so loudly. It felt like every pair of eyes in the dining room were looking in our direction.

“Don’t say that,” I urged him.

“Is it that bad?” Jisung asked, voice quieter. “Do you want me to take you home, princess?”

“It’s nothing,” I insisted, reaching down for my textbook. 

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” I said quickly, perhaps with more reprimation than I intended. Jisung was so easily breakable and I knew my words would hurt him. Which is why I didn’t stick around to make things worse than they already were.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Since our bond was still relatively fresh, I usually sought after Chan at various points throughout the day. Even if it was for just a brief moment, the two of us would scent one another between classes to appease our demanding wolves. Usually, it was I who often cornered Chan and sought his attention. Today, however, it was Chan who found me, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside an empty classroom. 

Chan studied me for a brief moment, blue eyes searching. Then, he cautiously bared his neck, and I took the time to ensure that we were truly alone before I scented him enough to feel the bond settle back down into place. But that wasn’t enough for Chan.

“Something’s wrong,” Chan said, an observation as opposed to a question. “Changbin and Jisung said you weren’t feeling well.”

“I told them I was fine,” I snapped.

Chan raised one brow in question. “I don’t think you are.”

“It’s just my heat,” I insisted, jerking back when he attempted to fit his palm against my forehead.

Chan frowned. “You’re not acting like yourself.”

“I know,” I said. “I’m not usually close to heat.”

“I don’t think that’s why,” Chan reasoned and I cursed his intuitiveness. The alpha knew me better than most after a lifetime of close friendship.

“Don’t make me tell you,” I begged and Chan startled at the raw vulnerability I allowed in my tone.

“Now I’m worried,” Chan said, reaching out for my hand which I allowed him to take.

“I’ll figure it out,” I offered vaguely. “There’s nothing you can to do help.”

“Not if you don’t ask,” Chan countered, resting his forehead against mine.

“I can’t this time,” I said. “I have to be the one to fix this.”

“You know I don’t like that, Myah,” he said. “If I can’t help you as a mate, then I’m breaking my promise.”

“You can’t know,” I trembled.

“Why?”

“Because you’d be furious and irrational,” I said, startling when Chan abruptly pulled away.

“This sounds bad.”

“It really isn’t the worst thing that could happen,” I said. “You should focus on building the new pack. The four of us graduate soon.”

“Will you be out for your heat tomorrow?” Chan asked. “Your scent is spiking.”

“I’ll come to school one more day.”

“Can it be fixed before your heat?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “But I promise I’ll be okay. Please just worry about the new pack.”

“You’re my first priority,” Chan reminded me gently, thumbing across my lips.

“Not this time,” I said, brushing my fingers across his cheek. “Let me handle this problem.”

I held the alpha’s demanding gaze, but it was always difficult to convince Chan to submit.

“Okay,” Chan reluctantly agreed. “But if you keep acting like this, then you have to tell me.”

“I promise,” I said even as the lie weighed heavily over my heart.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, I arrived at school early feeling absolutely horrible. It was a terrible mistake to come to school that day. I was feverish and sickly, sweat dotting my forehead in an unappealing way, and I knew my heat was right on the precipice. I could barely sleep, bombarded by vivid dreams of my three mates, salivating at the image of their thick knots.

I shook myself from my headspace, hurrying to my locker to exchange textbooks. I was quickly growing more and more assured that I had made a bad decision about leaving my house. Thankfully, I knew that I could likely convince Jisung to take me home after lunch since we shared a class.

Reassured by this development, I opened my locker door, immediately noticing the folded note waiting on top of my math textbook. I let out a sigh as I opened the paper, reading the sentences carefully. And each subsequent line slowly broke my resolve the more I read my classmates’ spiteful comments.

“There you are!”

I ignored him at first, too swept away by the note. My wolf howled in outrage, demanding she take control and show those girls why they should mind their own business. But I couldn’t let her go because I would lose complete independence so close to my heat.

I grimaced at the note’s message, ignoring the way Jisung lingered, confusion evident in his expression. “Princess?”

I took off down the hallway without another word.

-------------------------------------------------------------

If you want to do something about it, meet us during lunch in the gym.

I was shaking, rage overcoming every action as I stormed down the hallway. My fever was out of control and my entire body felt overheated. Yet, I didn’t hesitate at the opportunity to confront those omega girls. I had promised Chan I’d try to take care of the problem and this was my chance.

I easily spotted the five omega girls waiting inside the gym. My vision was narrowed, focusing only on the girls who had made my life so unbearable recently. But I didn’t want to be miserable anymore, I would end things once and for all.

“You came,” one of the girls remarked as if she was genuinely shocked to see me.

I held up the note to remind her. “You invited me.”

“We didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to show up,” the leader teased, starting slowly in my direction. “Where are your little guards?”

“Maybe she let them off their leashes,” the first girl giggled.

“What a slut,” the leader smirked. “Do you just spread your legs so that they can take their turn with you?”

“Or maybe she has a preference,” another added. “I know Changbin likes it rough.”

My chest heaved as I took a deep breath. “How are you gonna keep them satisfied?”

“Eventually, they’ll get tired of sharing,” the first omega said. “You’ll be left alone and nobody will want a slut.”

For some reason, now that I was here, my entire demeanor had shifted. I no longer felt angry, my wolf was unusually quiet, and my heat symptoms had settled. But I had also lost my fire, my drive to control the five girls and now I couldn’t find the right words. Instead, I was silent, allowing them to insult me while I no longer felt the urge to do anything about it.

I allowed the five of them to corner me against the wall, wedged between hard concrete and an angry aggregation of omega females. The leader took a step closer, eyeing the mark on my neck. “Everyone knows Changbin only marked you because he was in a rut.”

Her friends laughed at the comment. 

“What should we do, ladies?” the leader continued. “How do we make the little slut pay?”

“I don’t know,” one of the others contributed. “She must have a high tolerance for pain if she can take three knots.”

More snickering. “Should we test it?”

The first slap was jarring, snapping my neck to the side. I could feel the reminder, stinging the raw skin of my right cheek. “Pathetic,” the leader snarled. “How much more can you take?”

“I think you might want to reconsider,” a dangerous voice growled.

The lead omega let go of me so fast that it was almost imperceptible. Suddenly, there were familiar scents overtaking the nasty smell of those horrible girls. I opened my eyes, watching the omega leader whine submissively as Chan bared his teeth.

A warning.

“Do you think you can do this?” Chan continued. “What gives you the right?”

“Chan,” the leader tried, “we didn’t mean anything by it!”

“You tried to hurt my mate,” Chan snapped. “That means you tried to hurt us too.”

“And you put your hands on her?” Changbin added eyes darkened considerably. 

“You’re the ones who deserve to feel pain,” Jisung inserted, and I was taken aback by the hostility in my mate’s words. I had never heard Jisung sound so confrontational before. His threat was frightening and I could feel its authenticity which prompted me into action.

I carefully reached for Jisung, wrapping my hand around his bicep. His expression shifted, shoulders relaxing. “Just let them go.”

Jisung turned to look at me. “Let them go?”

“Not after what they did,” Changbin insisted, fully prepared to follow through on their words.

Thankfully, Chan seemed more aware of what I wanted. “Get out of here,” he said coldly, watching me even while his dismissive tone was addressed to the five omega girls who hesitated as their leader froze.

But Changbin’s resounding growl sent the girls scampering in the other direction. 

Meanwhile, Chan’s hand settled on my shoulder, urging me to come closer. My head thudded hard against Chan’s powerful chest, tears ruining the fabric of his t-shirt. I was shaking, hands clenched together while I swallowed painfully.

I could feel Changbin and Jisung’s presence, anxiously worried as they felt the full force of my frustration. “You should have told me,” Chan said, holding me close. “You didn’t deserve any of that.”

“Those girls,” Changbin started, voice thick with anger, “they’re the sluts.”

“How long?” Chan inquired, fingers lovely as they sorted through the strands of my hair.

“A while,” I offered vaguely, more concerned with the deliciously familiar scent of my alpha mate as I nosed along his collarbone. I could feel Changbin behind me, hands familiar on my hips. 

“I’m sorry, angel.”

Jisung’s lips brushed across my temple. “You can’t keep these things from us.”

However, above everything else, Chan’s voice was distinct and clear, reassuring and familiar.

“We’ll always keep you safe, Myah.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Present

I wanted to be brave, but I had never quite felt this helpless before. 

It had only been a day since I had abandoned my pack, but I was already miserable. Sadly, there was nobody around to support me this time. I was the outsider here while the other omega girls scampered around their rogue pack members. In fact, two of them were begging for Jaemin’s attention, submitting easily to their desires as he flirted. It was strange to watch the exchange considering the harsh way Jaemin had talked down to me.

I was brought back to reality by Jeno’s unwanted touch.

He traced the outline of Changbin’s mating mark. “These will have to go,” he said dismissively.

I trembled despite the close proximity of the fire. 

“Fuck her good, Jeno,” Jaemin sneered, holding his two omegas close. 

“She won’t be able to walk when I’m done with her,” Jeno promised, nipping at my ear. 

“Do it soon because they might be able to track her,” Rejun suddenly inserted, gaze cautious as he glanced around our unorthodox camp set-up. 

“They won’t have a claim when I’m done,” Jeno said. “You don’t need those alphas anyway, omega.”

He was wrong, but I couldn’t say anything. After all, I had willingly compromised with the intimidating alpha for the safety of my pack. And while I still believed in my decision, I also couldn’t help but long for the familiarity of home and my three mates.

“Take her now,” Renjun urged, nodding towards one of the tents. “Do it fast before they become a problem.”

I didn’t wince when Jeno roughly grabbed me, forcing me up while he practically drug me into his tent. I landed roughly on the mattress, whimpering despite my attempts to remain strong against the alpha. He was over me in the next second, baring his teeth to intimidate my wolf. I could feel her inside me, bowing her head shamefully as the fight slowly left my body.

“You’ll just take it,” Jeno growled approvingly, leaning down to mouth at my scent gland. “Like a good little bitch.”

I was forced onto my stomach, whining loudly as the alpha jerked off my pants. “And you can take my knot tonight,” he continued, “and I’ll claim you for myself.”

In moments like this, I wish I could simply pretend that everything was okay. It seemed obvious to try and imagine myself in a better situation, that maybe I could pretend it was Jisung or Changbin or Chan with me instead of Jeno. But I guess I didn't have enough experience with that so I was stuck dealing with the consequences.

“You have good sense,” Jeno said, fingers rough and messy. “You’ll be quiet, won’t you? Just let me do what I want.”

I growled out a warning but didn’t fight back when I heard the sound of his belt. His body was too warm over mine, hands wrong when they touched my hips to adjust my position, and my senses were assaulted with his appalling musky scent. My wolf was bristling, pacing anxiously because she knew what was about to happen but had no idea how we could stop it from happening. 

“Jeno,” a tentative voice suddenly interrupted.

I sighed in relief when Jeno pulled back, growling in frustration. “What is it?”

The rogue wolf didn’t even react despite my compromising position with the alpha. “Jeno,” he said, “a patrol spotted wolves not far from the campsite.”

“Is it her pack?” Jeno asked, glaring down at me.

“We think it is.”

Jeno sighed audibly. “Tell Jaemin and Renjun to gather some wolves together to check out the report. The rest of us will stay behind to pack up the camp, we’ll have to leave tonight as a precaution.”

“Yes sir,” the wolf agreed, retreating quietly from the tent.

“You got lucky this time,” Jeno snapped in my ear and I was graciously left alone to deal with the stray tears that had fallen.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 11

One Year Ago

I watched Chan and Changbin from afar as they spoke together in low voices, observing Minho and Hyunjin’s practice session with studious expressions. My two packmates in question were in prime form, circling each other as they attempted different attacks and reversals. Meanwhile, our youngest pack members watched the exchanges with wide, eager eyes.

I grinned as I noticed the way Jeongin gasped after Hyunjin aggressively pinned Minho to the ground. The younger wolves were always more impressionable and I knew Jeongin idolized Hyunjin, begging the older wolf to teach him battle skills. And teaching the other wolves how to fight was Hyujin’s responsibility, although my two oldest mates had started to regularly involve themselves with our pack’s training.

It was important that the pack prepare its younger members when it came to fighting. Patrols were an essential component of pack life, and if you encountered danger along the borderlines, then you needed to know how to protect yourself. And when a pack member finally came of age, once they graduated from school, they could request to join border patrols and hunts. 

It was a careful system that had been firmly established for a very long time. And as dictated by tradition, once a wolf finished primary school, they would report regularly for either border patrols or scheduled hunting sessions. But they needed to learn the important skills first which is where Minho and Hyunjin came into the picture. When our pack was first formed, Chan assigned Minho in charge of hunting training and Hyunjin in charge of combat training.  

However, Chan and Changbin had taken an interest in observing the recent talent pool of young recruits. Perhaps it was because this was the first time a group of recruits had actually graduated from our new pack’s primary school and joined the regular training sessions. In any case, I often accompanied my mates to the practices because I was incredibly curious since I had declined the opportunity to patrol or hunt. Instead, I chose to cook because I was much more skilled when it came to the culinary arts. Plus, I think it gave my mates peace of mind knowing that I wasn’t in any sort of potential danger. 

Nevertheless, I wasn’t needed for kitchen duty until dinner which left me with far too much time to find something to occupy myself. It was another suitable explanation for why I chose to join Chan and Changbin. Plus, I could admire the powerful physiques of my mates who frequently tucked their t-shirts into the back of their pants under the heat of the afternoon sun.

“Minho,” Changbin said, “show me the stance again.”

Minho complied and Changbin slowly circled around the wolf in question, eyes narrowed as he scrutinized. I admired the attention to detail because Changbin was our pack’s best hunter and, in addition to taking on the responsibilities of the pack’s third in command, Changbin was lead hunter which meant he organized all of the hunting patrols. It was only natural that he was critical of the younger ones who were trying to earn their spots on our pack’s hunting team.

Changbin turned to address the gathered crowd of eager learners. “There’s a lot you should know when you’re out in the woods...”

I lost focus on what Changbin was saying, far too busy studying the hard planes of his broad chest. Recently, Changbin was trying harder to gain more muscle, and his efforts were definitely started to show. Usually, most pack hunters were lean and quick, but Changbin was far bigger which allowed him to take down larger prey most wolves might ignore. 

As Changbin finished his lecture, I turned my head to the side only to find myself ensnared with Chan’s teasing gaze. I raised one brow in question. Chan grinned, slyly making his way over to me while Changbin continued to hold the pack’s attention. “You’re staring,” Chan accused me once he was closer.

“Was not!”

“I can smell your arousal,” Chan continued, laughing when I snapped playfully in his direction. “Bin is trying to teach the new hunters. He doesn’t need you distracting him.”

“I’m over here,” I countered, unconsciously leaning in closer to Chan. My mate snickered and wordlessly combed his fingers through my hair.

“You smell like sweat,” I complained, groaning when he suddenly smashed my face against his bare chest. “Channie!”

“You wanted a closer view,” Chan pointed out to which I begrudgingly stopped squirming and simply accepted my fate.

“How are the recruits?” I asked conversationally, wrapping an arm loosely around Chan’s waist.

“They’re learning,” he nodded. “Changbin is too critical.”

“He’s always like that,” I begrudged. “I tried to get him to teach me how to hunt once.”

“And?”

“I wouldn’t speak to him for a week after because he complained the entire time,” I said, taking on a deeper pitch in an attempt to replicate my mate’s voice. “Your stance is wrong, angel. You need to stand like this, are you even paying attention?”

Chan chuckled. “What about when Jisung tried to teach you how to fight?”

I winced at the memory, ghosting my fingers across my hip where Jisung had left a considerable bruise after demonstrating one of his maneuvers. “I guess he’s second in command for a reason.”

“Jisung was just excited,” Chan defended him. “He likes showing off for you.”

“I know,” I groaned before glancing up at Chan. “But he isn’t the only one.”

Chan feigned cluelessness. “Bin?”

“Are you talking about me?”

I squealed when Changbin abruptly wrestled me from Chan’s arms. “Are you done tormenting the younger wolves?”

“I was helping them,” Changbin growled playfully, and I whined in protest as Changbin pulled me closer, nosing his way along my throat. “Are you here to help, angel?”

Chan leaned against the wall, sweat perspiring against his pale skin. “She was complaining about how you like to show off.”

“Chan!” I snapped in his direction, but Changbin immediately pulled my attention back. 

“I only show off for you,” Changbin said, pressing a kiss to his mating mark. “But I know you’ve been looking at me.”

“I’m only here for moral support.”

“Oh really?” Changbin questioned before leaning in closer. “You can have me all to yourself now, angel.”

“Are you going back to your cabin?”

“Of course,” he whispered seductively, one hand moving down to cup the heat between my legs. “You can have me all night.”

“You and Jisung are on patrol tonight,” Chan reminded Changbin, intervening in our scandalous display. 

“Tonight?” Changbin groaned, reluctantly pulling back. 

“I’m not switching, Bin,” Chan grinned as if he could already predict Changbin’s next words before they could even formulate in the alpha’s head. “I covered for you on your rut.”

“I know Jisung did it on purpose,” Changbin grumbled. “He’s jealous because I tracked those foreign scents on the backtrails and he couldn’t.” Changbin pursed his lips, squeezing at my hips. “Some second in command he is.”

Chan rolled his eyes. “You haven’t been on a patrol in months.”

“I’m in charge of hunting.”

“There’s nothing to hunt in the winter,” Chan countered, smiling victoriously as he pulled me away from Changbin’s hold. 

“Figures,” Changbin grunted, moving in to press a quick kiss to my puckered lips. “Have fun tonight.”

I giggled as Changbin reluctantly sauntered away, steps slow and methodical as he left the two of us alone. “Does that mean I’m coming with you?” I teased, nipping at the inviting pout of Chan’s lower lip.

“Of course it does,” Chan agreed. “I need attention too.”

“Well, are you done here?” I asked, nodding to where Minho and Hyunjin were talking with the younger wolves.

“I put them in charge for a reason,” he teased, reaching for my hand. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

I wandered by the open entryway to Chan’s bedroom, listening to my mate mess around somewhere in the kitchen. “Channie,” I called out to him, vaguely scanning the books gathering dust on his nightstand.

“Myah,” Chan returned and I smirked.

“I thought you wanted attention.”

“I do,” he said, voice much closer this time. I glanced back at my mate, watching him as he entered the bedroom. My eyes scanned over Chan greedily. 

“How about a bath?” Chan asked. 

“Please.”

Chan held out a hand which I gladly took, allowing him to pull me in the adjoining bathroom. “Take off your clothes,” he instructed with a wink, already unbuckling his jeans.

I rolled my eyes at his tone but reached down for the hem of my shirt. In the meantime, I could hear Chan messing around with the water, the small room suddenly filling with a delicious scent courtesy of the added soaps he always kept around for me. I appreciated the gesture, watching as he slowly submerged himself beneath the water. “Come on,” he said, holding out a hand to gently lead me into the bathtub. I easily settled between his legs, reclining back against his hard chest. “Comfortable?” he asked to which my omega purred in response. 

“Thank you,” I whispered, closing my eyes as his fingers started working at my shoulders.

“Why are so tense?” he suddenly asked. “Are you upset?”

I debated telling him the truth because I knew it would seem utterly ridiculous from his point of view. “I worry about you and Jisung,” I reluctantly admitted. “I don’t like it when you go out on patrols and I worry about Changbin when he’s hunting.”

“What do you think will happen?” he asked quietly.

“That you’ll get hurt,” I whispered. “And you won’t come home to me.”

“Myah,” Chan gently soothed. “That’s why we go with other wolves. We all have each other’s backs. You have nothing to worry about.”

“I don’t like the idea of you fighting other wolves.”

“I’m stronger than you give me credit for,” Chan teased, and I was blushing because he made it seem ridiculous to worry for his safety.

I leaned back against Chan, shivering when his thumbs teased the bottom of my breasts. “I thought you wanted to relax,” I said even though I had no qualms with his touches.

“You aren’t relaxed?” he questioned, teeth nipping at the shell of my ear.

“I love you,” I suddenly blurted, reclining my head to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered back. “And you’ll never lose me.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Present

I was shivering violently despite the thick coat a sympathetic omega had given me. My fingers clutched at the lapels in a desperate attempt to keep out the cold wind. It would be better if we stopped and tried to pitch the tents, gathering together around a fire to keep warm. However, despite the obvious exhaustion of his pack members, Jeno insisted we keep going to the point where the night had finally been traded in for the promise of dawn. 

And the pack reluctantly marched on.

Some of the stronger wolves, like Jaemin and Renjun, loyally followed their alpha’s command. But I could start to sense some resistance from the rest of his pack, especially those with mates who were obviously worried about one another’s well-being. Yet, Jeno was insistent, reminding the others just how close “the enemy” was to our location. “They can’t find us,” Jeno said, nodding his head assuredly.

I swallowed hard as I fought to maintain his pace. I could feel my strength seeping from my body, fighting the exhaustion of fleeing through the snowy valley and the cold threatening to attack my vulnerable form. I tried to think about my cabin back home, the familiar warmth of the fireplace that maintained a beautiful glow as I snuggled into my bed. Unfortunately, the biting frost nipping my nose and fingertips proved to be far stronger than my memory.

“Jeno,” one of the younger alphas whined. “We can’t keep going.”

Jeno turned around with a snarl. “Do you want to get caught?”

“Let’s stop for the morning,” the smaller wolf suggested. “Just for a little while.”

Jeno obviously did not like the idea, frowning as he surveyed the rest of his pack mates. “Is that what you want?”

I shivered, withholding the urge to confront the alpha. Meanwhile, the rest of his pack were oppressively silent, even if the way their eyes darted around betrayed the fact that these wolves were indeed tired of fighting the cold. 

Jaemin snorted at the display. “Are you weak?”

Jeno shook his head, appearing conflicted. “Fine, but just for an hour.”

A collective gasp of relief was audible. 

“We’ll patrol the woods,” Jaemin informed Jeno, nodding over to where Renjun impatiently walked back and forth.

“Good,” Jeno said, now glaring down at me. “This is way more trouble than we bargained for.”

“Myah,” Chan’s sultry voice sounded absolutely lovely in the mornings. 

Still, I let out a groan as I pulled the blankets closer. “No.”

“Are you tired?”

“I just wanna sleep,” I slurred, reaching out for Chan’s pillow which smelled positively irresistible as I scented the fabric.

“Jisung’s waiting for you outside,” Chan said. 

“Later,” I insisted, ignoring the way Chan’s fingers trailed up the exposed skin of my thigh. 

“What if it’s important?”

“Nothing is more important than sleep,” I explained.

I could hear Chan’s low laughter. “Myah,” he tried again, “I think you’re gonna hurt Jisung’s feelings...”

“Get up!” Jenos harsh voice pulled me from the much-needed slumber I had fallen into. 

I blinked my eyes rapidly, disoriented for a moment as I tried to figure out what was going on.

“Come on,” Jeno growled, holding tightly to my wrist.

I whimpered at his harsh grip as I struggled to recover from the sudden demand to move. “Where are we going?” I asked blearily, stumbling along behind him.

Jeno ignored me, approaching a nearby wolf with purpose. “Well?” he demanded, dark eyes wild.

“We’re surrounded,” the wolf explained, forcibly meeting Jeno’s fiery gaze.

“Then we fight,” Jeno decided. “Organize the lines.”

Organize the lines? But that must mean...

I unconsciously gripped tighter to Jeno’s hand. Because my pack had found the rogues. They were coming for me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 12

“I want you to be able to fight, princess,” Jisung appealed, ignoring the glare I tossed in his direction.

Changbin let out a snort. “She doesn’t care for it.”

“I did until he tossed me on my ass,” I grumbled, leaning in closer to Chan who was patiently resting behind me on the bed.

Jisung pouted. “I might have gotten carried away.”

“Really?” Changbin faintly growled in Jisung’s direction, walking over to my bedside. “You left a bruise.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Jisung insisted. 

“You came from a good place,” Chan suddenly interrupted, soothingly running a hand up and down my thigh. “I thought it was a good idea.”

“Then you’re both at fault,” Changbin declared, tugging on my jacket sleeve. “You should be sitting with me, angel.”

I giggled. “You just want attention.”

“I’m on your side,” Changbin continued, holding out an arm in an obvious attempt to coax me forward.

Chan chuckled and nudged me gently from behind. “Go on, he’s obviously jealous.”

Changbin snarled in Chan’s direction. I rolled my eyes as I crawled in his direction, forcing his attention away. “You have me now.”

Changbin greedily wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flat against his chest. Meanwhile, Jisung sighed in a rather exaggerated fashion. “You’ll never let me live this down.”

“You’re right,” Changbin mused, running his nose through my hair. 

“It’s alright, Jisung,” I teased him, “I’m sure you didn’t mean to shove me down.”

“Princess,” Jisung whined, tentatively sitting next to me on the edge of the bed. “I just wanted to help.”

“I know,” I grinned, leaning over to brush my thumb across his bottom lip. “But you’ll always be around to protect me.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Present

It was nearly impossible to remain motionless next to Jeno while I could clearly see my packmates as they emerged from the woods. They were an imposing sight, especially with the additions of NCT filling their lines as necessary allies. And standing at the front to lead the assault, daunting as they stood together as wolves, were my three alpha mates. 

Vicious and determined.

Chan was the first to break formation, taking a few steps closer to Jeno, eyes clear and focused. “You have wronged my pack for the last time.”

Jeno was quiet for a moment, hold on my wrist unrelenting. “Your pack stands no chance against ours.”

“But they aren’t alone,” Taeyong added, stepping out to accommodate Chan. “You’ve done enough harm to NCT, are you so willing to break up another pack? Was leaving us not enough?”

“We left because your leadership was lacking,” Jeno replied.

“You left because you refused to conduct yourselves honorably,” Taeyong retorted.

“You have no place to talk about honor,” Jeno snarled. “You ally yourself with our enemies, hand out our packmates to use as soldiers in other wars. That is not honorable.”

“But then you somehow think that it’s right to try and steal another pack’s territory?” Taeyong questioned, briefly exchanging glances with Chan.

“I have every right,” Jeno snapped, abruptly yanking me forward. “I took what they couldn’t defend.”

I shivered as Changbin let out an intimidating growl, barely restrained as his wolf kept his gaze firmly transfixed on me

“Jeno, that’s enough,” Taeyong growled. “You had no place to attempt an illegitimate invasion and you have no right to another alpha’s mate.”

“We’re not under your control anymore,” Jeno spat. “We’ll do as necessary to survive on our own.” 

“Then survive on your own,” Taeyong agreed. “Apply for new territory according to tradition.” Taeyong considered me next and I was deeply impressed by the alpha’s obvious wisdom. “Return Myah to her pack.”

“That will never happen,” Jeno declared.

“Are you prepared to shed blood over this?”

“You won’t see us back down,” Jeno growled, exchanging a knowing glance with Jaemin before the smaller alpha let out a menacing howl.

Jeno grabbed my arm and pulled me away as the rest of his rogues charged in the direction of my packmates. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

I struggled to match Jeno’s pace, vision blurry from the force of the wind blowing back against me. The alpha seemed determined, but I had no idea where he was planning to take me. In any case, I knew he was a terrible head alpha for abandoning his pack on the battlefield. If his point was to prove his pack was better off away from NCT, then he continued to make poor decisions to affirm his position.

“This is your fault,” he snarled, suddenly turning around to confront me. We were far away from the battle, even if I could still hear the familiar sounds of war behind us. 

“I kept my promise,” I replied simply.

“We should’ve invaded,” Jeno continued. “I would have your pack’s territory.”

“Then the fault is with your leadership,” I growled in return.

In the next second, I was fumbling to the ground courtesy of a well-timed slap from Jeno. I blinked up at the alpha rapidly, feeling the cold sting against my reddened skin. “You have no place to speak against an alpha.”

“Touch her again and you’ll never speak again.”

My wolf howled with joy, sensing Chan so closeby. I glanced over my shoulder, body shuddering with relief when I spotted my mate. “You think you can defeat me?”

“I’m certain I can try.”

“Pathetic!”

Jeno’s wolf paced back and forth, keeping me mostly obscured from Chan’s view. “You had no right to come here,” Chan growled, viciously pawing at the cold snow.

“We have every right,” Jeno countered. “My pack can challenge for territory. There’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

“We can spill the blood of your ranks,” Chan said. 

“You can certainly try!”

“And you’ve also taken something precious from me.”

I shivered at Chan’s tone while Jeno huffed in annoyance. “The omega is mine now and I will be the one to make a new claim.”

“You’re making a mistake,” Chan warned the other alpha. “I’ll rip out your throat before I let you touch my mate.”

“I’ve already touched her,” Jeno taunted, a deadly mistake. I shuffled back through the snow as Chan abruptly charged at Jeno. The wolves were vicious, snarls echoing throughout the clearing as teeth tore through flesh. My eyes were wide, attentive, taking in the scene in front of me with a mixture of trepidation and anxiety.

Chan was far bigger than Jeno, but the smaller alpha was faster, managing well-placed bites and scratches along my mate’s flank. I winced every time Chan was hit, feeling the pain for myself as Chan allowed ear-splitting howls and barks each time Jeno was successful in an attack. And I longed to do something to help, but I knew my wolf was no match, even as an ally, in this dangerous skirmish. Instead, I kept myself away from the proximity of their fight, rooting for Chan whenever he managed to turn the tables, although it seemed Jeno always had a counter in mind despite Chan’s best efforts.

It made me think of our battle training when Chan had been fighting Hyunjin as a demonstration for the younger wolves. It was a similar scene because Hyunjin was significantly smaller than Chan. My mate was trying to help the wolves who would find themselves in Hyunjin’s position, greatly outmatched against an opponent. Chan was incredibly battle-smart and instructed Hyunjin through a series of complicated maneuvers that ultimately resulted in Chan laying flat on his back with Hyunjin on top. Of course, back then Chan had been proud of Hyunjin, telling him that he was a great fighter. Size did not always matter.

I swallowed hard when I recognized a similar attack from Jeno, seeking access to Chan’s vulnerable throat where one bite could end my mate’s life. Suddenly, this wasn’t just another day of battle training where nobody’s life was at risk. Chan could easily die at any moment and that sobering thought brought me back to reality, tears slipping free as I whined loudly from the bushes.

Jeno’s eyes shot in my direction and I froze.

Was he going to attack me instead?

But I wasn’t expecting to provide a distraction and Jeno was unprepared for Chan’s counter, swiping the smaller alpha’s legs from under him. Jeno collapsed against the snow-covered ground with a grunt. And Chan was there to take advantage of his unexpected position, rolling Jeno onto his back.

I blinked my eyes rapidly before the situation had completely processed. Was it actually over? After Chan had Jeno pinned to the ground, teeth deadly against the pale expanse of Jeno’s exposed throat. Is this all it took?

“You’re lucky to have my mercy,” Chan snarled. “We’ll let Taeyong deal with you.”

I watched as Jeno visibly deflated, flank panting hard as he reluctantly submitted to the alpha who had clearly wrenched an obvious advantage. In the meantime, I had started taking small steps in the direction of my seething mate, seeking his comfort. I let out a low whine to attract his attention and his eyes had already softened by the time they caught mine.

“Come here,” Chan instructed, shifting back to the same blonde-headed man I had fallen in love with all those years ago.

“Channie,” my voice cracked as I fell into his arms, easily shifting back and eagerly scenting him as my body melted against his.

“Myah,” Chan exhaled, fingers digging harshly into my waist. 

He scented me feverishly in return, nose wet from the unbearable cold. “This will never happen to you again,” Chan promised. “Nobody will take you from me.”

I shivered, but this time it was because my mate was sorely mistaken. I had been the one to agree to leave with Jeno. And I could only hope my mate was far too relieved to have me once again to offer the sharp reprimand that I probably deserved.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“Princess,” Jisung’s voice was reassuring, and I desperately inhaled his familiar scent. 

I could feel Changbin anxiously pacing nearby, trying his best to patiently wait his turn with me. The idea brought out a smile and it felt nice given all that had happened. “Relax,” I could hear Chan trying to soothe the younger.

Meanwhile, all around us, the battle had finally progressed to an end. Medical teams were spreading across the field as they tended to the wounded and the ones who had been spared injury were lending a helping hand. As for Jeno’s pack, most of the wolves had reluctantly submitted to Taeyong’s command. The cynical alpha himself, still reeling from his humiliating defeat, was surrounded by three powerful NCT wolves who were waiting for Taeyong’s final order. Whispers had circulated that Taeyong would banish Jeno from the surrounding territory, taking away his pack, his source of strength, and forcing him to live out the remainder of his life in exile.

A cruel fate for any wolf.

“Is it my turn yet?” Changbin grumbled from behind me.

I rolled my eyes playfully as I pulled away from Jisung to allow Changbin his turn to reaffirm our mating bond. As expected, Changbin was greedy, sniffing almost drunkenly at my scent gland. His strong arms held me close, providing a nice shelter from the insistent winds.

“Well?” Jisung eventually asked, looking at Chan. “Have they decided?”

“Taeyong will exile him,” Chan nodded. “It’s what he deserves.”

I shivered at the cold tone.

“He deserves worse,” Changbin growled and I could feel the vibrations from his chest.

“He’s not our responsibility to punish,” Chan said. “I should talk to Taeyong and then we can go home.”

I whined a little at the prospect of returning to camp because it had never crossed my mind while I was gone that I would be able to ever see my pack again. But perhaps I should’ve known better because my mates had never given up on me before. They were too strong, especially when they worked together and I was almost convinced they could do anything they wanted with that combined power. No wolf could stand in their way.

“Angel,” Changbin whispered in my ear. “Are you okay?”

I nodded against him. “I’m okay.”

I could feel Jisung’s presence as he lingered nearby. “We’re sorry this happened to you, princess.”

“He should be lucky we didn’t have a say in his punishment,” Changbin snarled, hold tightening to accommodate the sudden tension in his body.

“Don’t hurt her,” Jisung softly reprimanded the alpha. Changbin’s arms fell from around me as he took hold of my chin. 

“He didn’t hurt you, right angel?”

I shook my head, deciding not to rile up Changbin anymore with complaints against Jeno’s harsh touches or the way he nearly got what he wanted last night in his tent. “He didn’t.”

“When Chan comes back,” Changbin continued, “we’ll go home, alright? You’re safe now, angel.”

Jisung’s fingers soothingly massaged into the back of my neck. “Everything can go back to normal.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

I never imagined the sight of my camp could be so thrilling. I had every cabin memorized, the layout of the land perfectly mapped in my memory. Yet, as soon as my pack’s familiar scent filled my nose, my inner wolf nearly howled in delight. 

Our pack members who had accompanied us to the battle immediately took off in various directions to their cabins. For once, Chan had relieved them of all responsibilities, ordering everyone to rest for the remainder of the day. As for myself, my three mates had redirected us to Chan’s cabin, filing in one by one as they closely followed me to the couch. I sat down with a sigh, feeling the tension drain from my body. Chan joined me next, and I let out a squeak as he lifted me by my waist to readjust my position in his lap. I leaned in to scent him again, never tiring of the way it always soothed my omega. 

I curled closer to Chan, feeling utterly exhausted. Changbin and Jisung flanked Chan on either side of the couch, leaning in slightly to allow their scents to intermingle together. It provided a calming effect on my body, and I found myself relaxing considerably. It was rare for my mates to share a room like this in such an intimate capacity. Their wolves were usually far too competitive to allow our scents to so freely combine. However, I think the events of this evening left everyone, including our wolves, desiring nothing more than closeness. 

I purred when Changbin’s hand curled around my thigh. “How did they take you, angel?”

I trembled at his question. “I left on my own willpower,” I admitted. “Jeno promised he would leave the pack alone if I came with him.”

Silence answered my confession. 

It was an expected reaction, and I had already come to terms with the lecture I would probably receive from my mates for acting so recklessly. However, I also had my own defense prepared for their sharp words. After all, I had left with Jeno because I was trying to save the pack. It wasn’t like I had fallen victim to some sort of cunning scheme or freely decided that I wanted a taste of life beyond the borders of our territory. 

I would have nightmares about the ordeal for years.

“You tried to do the right thing,” Chan finally reasoned delicately, touching his forehead against mine. “Everything worked out in the end.”

The dismissal was surprising, but I wasn’t one to question my mates when they had seemingly allowed me a free pass. Instead, I leaned in closer to Chan to release a soothing pheromone as my own way of extending gratitude. The last thing I wanted to do was fight with my mates over my decision. And given that they were feeling gracious, I decided to allow the events of that evening to fade away into the background as they would with lots of time and healing.

Normalcy was within easy grasp.

“Do you still want pups?”

Jisung’s question made me smile as I turned around in Chan’s lap to face my youngest mate. “Is that what you’re really curious about?”

Jisung blushed but nodded his head. “We mentioned something to Chan.”

I reclined back against Chan’s shoulder. “And what does Chan think?”

“Chan,” my mischievous mate intoned, “would like nothing more than to see our family complete.”

My heart warmed at his words.

“On your next heat,” Changbin grinned, obviously excited by the prospect. 

“That’s soon,” I remarked. “Will it be okay?”

“Now that you’re back, everything is okay,” Chan decided, kissing the top of my head. “The pack will resume as it always has and you’ll still have to deal with three overprotective alpha mates.”

I giggled at his observation because there was a tangible air of excitement surrounding the four of us. A promising future, bright and certain, and we were ready to fully embrace the next chapter in our lives. And as I felt my eyelids grow heavy, listening to the gentle breathing of my alpha mates, I knew we would be ready to face anything as long as we were together.

------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue

The early morning sun filtered through the Venetian blinds to form a pattern of equivalent stripes against my bedsheets. Normally, I could ignore the way the sunlight infiltrated my line of vision, but my daughter provided a far more compelling alarm system. Her cries always began with faint whines which I might disorientingly miss, but they never lasted long, evolving into noisy cries that demanded attention. Groggily, I sat up against the headboard of my bed, vacantly looking out my open door where I could spot my daughter’s bedroom from across the hallway. With a defeated sigh, having already given up on the possibility of sleeping past noon, I slowly made my way to address my daughter’s grievances.

However, perhaps I had dismissed my sleeping concerns prematurely. “Changbin?” I immediately questioned, surprised to see that my mate had beaten me to my daughter’s assistance.

“She was just hungry,” Changbin replied, cradling Nia delicately in his arms as he held a bottle to her tiny mouth.

“You’re becoming an expert,” I joked, watching the display with a full heart.

“She’s lovely,” Changbin said, pressing a delicate kiss to Nia’s forehead.

“I think you’re her favorite,” I quipped, winking in his direction.

“I don’t know about that,” Changbin said, but the adoration in his gaze was hard to dismiss. “I’ll take her back to sleep with me.”

I nodded my compliance. “I promised Amelia I would help her with dinner preparations in the kitchens. Will you watch Jay and Ren until I get back?”

“Of course,” Changbin easily agreed, distracted by the small purrs Nia released as her eyelids fluttered closed.

-----------------------------------------------------------

“You’re going to make me jealous,” Amelia joked as she listened to me talk animatedly about my new little pups. We were currently shucking corn behind the outside entrance of the kitchens, settling into an easy rhythm as we conversed.

“Hyunjin would love pups,” I grinned, wiping my hands against my jeans.

“I’m thinking about it,” Amelia admitted. “It would be nice if our pups could grow up together.”

“What’s stopping you?” I asked around an exhausted yawn.

“That,” Amelia grinned. “Those pups are a handful.”

“They’re worth it,” I reassured my friend. “It gets better once you find a routine, and my alphas are always around to help.”

“How are they coping with living together?” Amelia asked with a smirk.

“It was hard at first,” I admitted, recalling the way my competitive mates had argued relentlessly when I first found out I was pregnant. They each had their own opinion about what was best for me, and I was always too tired to argue against them. However, I think we could all agree that moving in together was the right decision since it was important for the pups to be around their fathers. And Chan had already started making room in his cabin, expanding from the back to build more bedrooms for the rest of us.

“I bet it makes things easier.”

“Like this morning,” I nodded. “Changbin was already around to watch over the pups. Chan had an early meeting and Jisung was scheduled to lead a patrol.”

“It would only be Hyunjin and me,” Amelia sighed.

“Not true,” I immediately countered. “I would do my best to help.”

“I think you’re my biggest advocate,” Amelia laughed, letting out a relaxed sigh as she stood from her chair. “I think dinner prep is done if you wanna head out for the day.”

“You don’t need my help tonight?”

“I have some extra hands,” Amelia remarked. “Take another day off. You should cherish the time you have with the pups while they’re still young.”

“Why can’t they be young forever?” I pouted.

“You’ll find a lot of memories of watching them grow up,” Amelia pointed out, ever the optimist. I nodded my head vacantly, tidying up our work area before making my way back to my new home.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The cabin was eerily quiet when I finally arrived. I quickly scented the air, noticing that traces of Jisung and Chan hung stale in the room. “Is anyone here?” I wondered aloud, following Changbin’s heavier scent to his bedroom. The sight that awaited me was perfectly enchanting.

Nia was sleeping soundly, curled on top of Changbin as her father’s eyelids drooped, barely able to stay open. “Binnie,” I addressed my mate who offered me a tired yawn. “Where’s Jay and Ren?”

“Jisung,” Changbin slurred, tilting his head to the side when Nia’s tiny nose sought her father’s scent.

“Jisung?” I repeated, amused by Changbin’s obvious exhaustion.

“He took Jay and Ren...” Changbin trailed off, squinting his eyes as he tried to remember. “Maybe an hour ago?”

“Do you need me to take Nia?” I asked, giggling when Changbin’s eyes closed.

“No,” he protested, one hand resting on Nia’s back. “I’m alright.”

“Is that so?” I questioned, perching myself down on the edge of Changbin’s bed.

“Maybe a nap,” Changbin grunted as his free hand curled around mine. “You could lay down with me?”

“I would love to,” I sighed, taking in the image of my only daughter sleeping peacefully. “But I need to find Jay and Ren.”

“I’ll come with you,” Changbin insisted, keeping a firm grip around Nia as he started to rise.

I quickly reached out to press my palm against his chest. “You don’t have to, Binnie, I know you’re tired.”

“We’re all tired,” Changbin responded. “That includes Jisung.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“Backyard,” Changbin said. “Jay and Ren were wired this morning. Jisung thought he could tire them out.”

“That’s impossible,” I snickered, allowing Changbin to wrap his fingers through mine. “Let’s see what trouble he’s got himself into.”

As expected, Jisung could barely keep up with my rowdy boys as they initiated an aggressive play fight against their unsuspecting father. “What a surprise,” Changbin remarked, holding Nia closer as his half-lidded eyes surveyed the chaotic scene.

“Princess,” Jisung called for me, waving in my direction. “Everything is under control.”

I inclined my head to the side, watching as a visibly distraught Felix joined Changbin and me on the porch. “They’ve been doing this for an hour.”

Jisung collapsed to the ground as my sons climbed on top of his chest, ignoring their father’s protests. “Did they wear you out too?”

Felix frowned. “I wish I had that much energy.”

“That’s why Changbin sticks with Nia.”

I grinned as his gentle voice greeted the three of us with a calming familiarity. I watched as Chan joined the disarray, closing the back door firmly behind him. Changbin glanced over at my oldest mate. “I was already with Nia.”

“He’s playing favorites,” Chan whispered in my ear, hands settling against my waist.

“Channie,” I squealed, falling back against his chest as he dug his fingers into my sides.

Nia’s head rose curiously from Changbin’s shoulder to briefly appraise the situation before she nuzzled back into his neck. “You like your daddy’s scent, don’t you?” I cooed to my youngest daughter, aware of the way Changbin’s eyes lit up with pride.

Jisung grunted as he fell back on his ass, groaning when Jay and Ren took advantage of his vulnerable form. “Do you need help?” I asked, watching Jisung struggle to control the hyperactive boys.

“I’ve got this under control, princess,” Jisung assured me even as he frantically fought to contain the boys’ inspirited energy.

“Is that so?” I questioned with amusement.

“You look like you’re having trouble,” Chan remarked, grinning as he knelt down on one knee to encourage Jay and Ren into his arms. The boisterous boys immediately turned their attention to Chan, leaving Jisung to attack a more willing participant.

“Holy shit,” Jisung coughed, slowly propping himself up with his elbows. “What did you feed them?”

“Love and affection,” I cooed, watching the way Chan easily handled both boys, gathering them into his arms.

Jisung slowly stumbled over to our group, expression wary. “I couldn’t get them to stop all morning.”

“It looks like everything’s fine now,” Felix remarked, studying the way Jay and Ren buried their tiny noses into Chan’s neck.

“They haven’t seen him all day!” Jisung protested. “Ya! Felix, I helped make them!”

I rolled my eyes. “Do you have to say it that way?”

“But I did!” Jisung insisted.

“You did fine, Jisung,” Chan said, clearly sensing Jisung’s impending breakdown. “They could all use a nap anyway.”

I reached over to carefully collect Jay into my arms to help ease Chan’s burden. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Jisung sighed loudly. “Thanks to me they’re ready for their nap.”

“Sungie,” I cooed to my mate. “You’re such a good father.”

Jisung brightened immediately, following the rest of us into the house after we extended our thanks to Felix for helping Jisung attempt to control my oldest pups. In the meantime, Chan and I brought Jay and Ren to their bedroom while Changbin and Jisung brought Nia into hers. The four of us had been in agreement that the boys should be separate from our youngest daughter until Chan could build a new bedroom.

“They’re exhausted,” Chan said, brushing back a few wayward strands of Ren’s messy curls.

“Wait until they get older,” I grinned, brushing my fingers across Jay’s chubby cheeks before meeting Chan in the doorway. My oldest mate leaned down to gently press a kiss to my lips.

“We’ll manage.”

“As long as Jisung isn’t solely responsible for babysitting,” I remarked, grabbing ahold of Chan’s hand as I directed us into the living room. Jisung and Changbin were already waiting, occupying two of the armchairs flanking either side of the massive fireplace.

“I need more than one Felix,” Jisung quipped, eyes watching me as I settled on top of Chan’s lap to relax against the sofa.

“You did just fine,” I reassured my mate.

“They’re certainly a handful,” Chan agreed, “but that’s why we have all four of us to handle things.”

“The super team,” Jisung said, nudging Changbin with his foot. “Why are you tired? You’ve been sleeping with Nia all day.”

“I could handle those boys better than you,” Changbin challenged, although there wasn't a single trace of malice in his tone.

Jisung chuckled at Changbin’s playful comment. “When Nia gets older, she’ll want to play more with her brothers.”

“She can handle them,” I quickly added, noticing the worry in Changbin’s eyes.

“We need more girls,” my mate said, looking at me entreatingly.

I glared at Changbin from the corner of my eye. “No more pups.”

Changbin smirked at the stern expression I wore. “Alright, angel.”

Chan’s fingers lightly ghosted across my lips. “Does that mean you’re happy with everything you have?”

I buried my face closer to his chest as I thought about my beautiful pups and my three powerful mates. “I couldn’t be more satisfied.”

The End.

[ateezthings]

Could you write Stray kids giving advice to their s/o who's going through a hard time?

there you go my love, hope you’re feeling alright today :)

Stray Kids Reaction: s/o going through a hard time

Fluff

Gender neutral:)

 Woojin

- Woojin would be a little goofy because his initial reaction was to cheer you up with some lame jokes or funny faces

- of course that didn’t help 100%

- he would tell you he’s always there to listen because he knew that even just telling someone your struggles can help a lot

- seeing his cute stupid grin helped a bit

‚Babe, you can always talk to me about anything, even at like 6 am… okay maybe not that early but you get where I’m going with this‘

 Chan

- now Chan would like to get to the root of your struggle

- that included long and deep talks on the balcony at night

- he would also tell you to see a therapist if it was serious

- his main goal was for you to be happy

‚You know, baby, the company offers us a therapist, I could ask them if you could see him, if you want to‘

 Minho

- Minho would tell you that dark times pass

- and that you are strong enough to get through

- he would be too savage to actually give deeper and more meaningful advice

- would probably just offer a lot of physical comfort

- lots of forehead kisses

‘Come give me a hug, babe‘

 Changbin

(his smile kills me everytime)

- Changbin could probably relate to your situation

- so he gave you the most sympathetic look when you told him

- he would end up making your favorite food and you guys would bingewatch netflix while you talked about everything that was bothering you

- he would actually try to offer solutions, whatever they may be

‚I know that this is a really hard time right now but I know you can get through it, I will help you‘

 Hyunjin

- Hyunjin would be a little lost on how to react to you openly telling him about you having a hard time

- as for actual advice he would probably straight up ask you what he could do to make you feel better

‚Just hold me for now‘

- and so he did till you fell asleep

 Jisung

- when you told Jisung about your struggles it would have a pretty big impact on him

- rather than helping you in conversation he would work your issues into lyrics and then into new songs

- not necessarily for a new comeback for skz but just for himself

- so one night he would let you listen to them

‚This song is inspired by what you told me the other night, baby, I hope it can give you some comfort‘

- you could feel the hurt in the melodies but also a bit of hope in each of the songs

- that feeling alone helped you be more confident in your ability to conquer these issues

 Felix

- Felix would be so touched when you told him

- while hugging in bed he would let you get everything of your chest

- then he would try to put everything into perspective since most problems don’t look so scary from a different perspective

- his calming voice did the rest to let you feel more at ease

‚You know, maybe you could look at it this way: it’s just a new challenge for you, because the universe knows that you can get through it and you will grow from it‘

 Seungmin

- now I don’t see Seungmin as the most empathetic, he would definitely listen to you a lot though

- whenever you needed to he’ll let you vent to him

- he would also try to slowly lift your self esteem by spoiling you a little bit

- he would take you out to a fancy dinner, get you a really nice dress

- he probably scheduled in some couple self care time, which consisted of you two putting on face masks, listening to calming music and preparing a nice healthy dinner together

 Jeongin

- this baby would not know how to react other than by being his cute self

- when you asked him about some advice for going through a hard time he would probably say to talk to a lot of people

- whenever you can talk to him, your friends, parents about what was on your mind

- if it was something you couldn’t deal with on your own he would also suggest talking to a therapist about it

- and of course he wanted you to tell him whatever was making you uneasy

‚Even at night you can text or call me when you need to, I will try to cheer to up‘

[noeliareads]

Penpals? Chapter 2

Chapter 2: 

November, 2017 

After about 2 weeks of preparation (waiting for a paycheck) Arizona had almost everything ready for her box. All she had to do was write the letter. 

*Dear Jinho, I don’t have words to express how grateful I am for everything you sent me. I actually feel bad because I don’t send as much. But here are a few of my favorite things from America. I really hope you like them. The SNSD mug? I use it everyday for my morning coffee. (she printed out a photo of the mug on her side table) The tea is incredible! Jinho, everything is incredible and I can’t thank you enough! 

By the way, how are you? How is South Korea? I hope you’re doing ok as well as your friends. I am ok, just a little bit stressed with school. Our final exams are in about a month and believe me I am not ready. Oh! I haven’t introduced myself. As you already know my name is Arizona, I am 20 years old and I am a music major in college. That’s something we have in common, music. I wanted to become a music major because I would love to be a music teacher in a university. I feel like my acquired skills would be exploited there. I really don’t know what to say about myself. My favorite colors are moss green and beige. I cannot write with normal ballpoint pens. I know. It’s weird. Fountain pens are a blessing and they are the best thing in the world.*

***

Bang Chan was in his room working on some mixtapes when he heard Jisung yell. 

“YA! We got a package for Bang Jinho. Who is Bang Jinho?”

Bang Chan threw his laptop on his bed and almost slipped on the wood floor, running to where Jisung was.   

“Nae goesida!” It’s mine! He said. He yanked the… box? A box? And ran to his room, locking the door behind him, leaning on it as if one of his band mates were to break it down. It has happened before... 

He clutched his chest regaining his breath. He took a seat on the floor and curiously examined the box, it had the typical shipping label. He didn’t spare a minute so he opened the box with his bare hands. Inside the box were a variety of American sweets. He found a mug with the american flag on it, post-its of the american flag… There were a lot of things with the american flag. Very.. touristy. Still, he thought it was cute. He saw a light blue envelope and grabbed it. It was time to read what she said. 

Dear Jinho…

.

.

*I have no siblings, sadly. I am an only child so I grew up alone sometimes. But that’s ok. I don’t mind being alone sometimes. I find comfort in being alone. Oh! I listened to the songs you sent me. Ok, let me gather my thoughts. 

Likey: It’s so catchy and I watched the video as well and now I can’t stop doing the hand movements from the beginning! My best friend Nick, laughs and teases me because I will do it without realizing it. I will have to check out more of Twice’s music, they seem very promising. 

You Are by Got7: I have heard of them but never got into their music yet. This was until you told me to listen to this song. I like this song. It’s has a beautiful melody. I like how it builds up and I didn’t expect the chorus to sound like that! I know kpop involves a lot of rapping but that “IT’S A BEAUTIFUL SKYYY” Dude. That buildup. Wow. 

Matryoshka: I don’t even know where to begin. Who are these people?? I mean, I downloaded Soundcloud because you mentioned it and I was blown away. They are amazing! The first rapper has such a chill flow. It’s like he’s not trying but it sounds good either way! The second one? He’s good, too good. And the third one? Oh Lord. I really hate you right now. Who the hell has that type of voice? I figured it was him who accentuated the MAAAAAAAATRYOSHKA. And wow, just wow. Thank you for showing me these amazing rappers. I have to look into them more! 

Lastly, Be Lazy. I have like 2 things to say. THE BASS. THE BASS. Thank you. I like them so much. THE BASS.*

The letter was two pages long and Chan enjoyed reading all of it. She seemed like a very animated person. She seemed to be happy about the simplest things and that weirdly made him smile. 

FAST FORWARD TO DEBUT ERA. Chan and Arizona have exchanged a few letters (shipping time and Chan’s schedule). But they became great friends in the short amount of time they’ve corresponded to each other. They kept trading on songs, Chan loved or dislikes the ones she sent and same went for her. In future v-lives, he would play some of the songs he told her to listen to. But, one thing was for sure. Chan converted Arizona into a newer generation K-pop lover. Chan told her that 3racha were actually part of a survival show that basically consisted of working hard to be able to debut together. He also never told her that he was Bang Chan. But, he did tell her that he was working hard in order to get a job as a backup dancer for idol groups.  

March:  Chan to Arizona (They just debuted)

*Zo, I am so happy! I GOT THE JOB! I wish I could tell you all about it but I can’t!*

Arizona to Chan

*No way! Jinho that is amazing! I am so happy for you! I know how much you worked for this! Whenever you get to dance on stage let me know so I can watch you.* Chan sighed as he read her response. She will see him, but she won’t know who he is.  

Fastforward

Months go by and Stray Kids have won multiple rookie awards. Thanks to Chan, Arizona has gone head over heels for them. She will rant about them in her letters and fangirl with him.

*Jinho… I know I sent you your letter and you probably received it yesterday or a few days ago but this is an emergency. SKZ DROPPED ANOTHER VIDEO!  BTW, You have to see the street version of  Insomnia. THEY WERE IN THE US I MEAN WHAT THE HELL! This is why I hate being a college student. No money. And, 10 days later they release the street version of Question? Do they want to kill me. Changbin and Hyunjin body rolling killed me! They all killed me. I really can’t thank you enough for introducing me to them. #PROUDSTAY*

For the release of their album I Am Who, Chan sent her an album. He wanted it to be autographed but he couldn’t explain how he made that possible. Either way she has his handwriting in paper so that counts? The boys knew about her, not much but they did know he was corresponding with a girl from America. Either way, she has his handwriting. Arizona in return, sent him an ASAP Rocky album! That made Chan very very happy. 

Life suddenly was brighter for Arizona. She always had a hard time seeing the bright side in life and being positive was extra effort. But corresponding with Chan helped her breathe with ease. He was her escape room. She could tell him everything and she knew that he wouldn’t judge her. He would always offer words of comfort and advice. There were times where she would vent about how hard her classes were or how her  mental health deteriorates day by day.  Chan wasn’t bothered by this. He wished for her to be happy and free in her own mind. He would occasionally send her various letters in the span of a few days or less. He knew she wasn’t expecting it and he hoped it made her smile, which it did. 

They were so used to corresponding to each other that friendship slowly and silently became something else. Arizona once debated about it but she brushed it off. It can’t be possible and it won’t be. Letters were romantic and that is the stigma that is around it and that’s all. There is nothing more to it. Chan thought of her constantly when he wasn’t busy with producing, practicing or anything related to the group. He knew he liked her, did he have the opportunity to ask for a picture? He did. But he didn’t ask. He would feel obliged to send her one of himself and he couldn’t do that. It was enough with lying about his job. 

FEBRUARY - 2019 

“I am soooooooo tired.” Arizona complained as she walked into the same coffee shop she frequented with Nick over the course of their college years. Both were seniors now, graduating in May! 

“All nighter?” Nick asked? She just nodded and smiled at the barista giving her their order. 

“You’re a master procrastinator. What were you doing?”

“Working on my senior project and portfolio.” She mumbles taking a seat and resting her head on the table. Nick didn’t miss how she avoided his eyes. 

“And probably writing J’s letter right?” Arizona looked up at her best friend and smiled. It was true, she was working on less than 2 hours of sleep, writing the letter and working on her project. “Zozo, you like him don’t you.” It wasn’t a question. It was an affirmation. 

“Nick, stop.” She wasn’t ready to face this topic yet. Like him? Pff. She’s never seen him before. “We’ve never met and probably never will. Ok? Drop it.”

“You don’t have to like or love his looks.” Arizona knew that and she knew what danger she was in of falling harder and faster for Jihno. She just wasn’t ready for it. 

Arizona arrived home after her evening lessons and collapsed on the couch. She was just dozing off when her mom threw some papers on her stomach. “You have mail” She said. The sleepy girl sat up and flipped through the envelopes. Phone bill, student loan information, a postcard?  

“Australia? I don’t know anyone in Australia.” She turned the postcard around and smiled when she recognized the handwriting. 

*Hey Zo, sorry this is going to be short. But, I am in aussie visiting family. I won’t be able to read any of your letters until I get home but I will write! Just make sure to send your responses  to my normal address. I am so happy to see my family again, I actually came with a few of my friends and we are just touring around. I also heard Stray Kids are going to be here! I’ll see if I can go to their concert or spot them at the touristy sites. If I do, I’ll send photos. Take care. 

Jinho.*

Her heart fluttered. He knew how much she loved Stray Kids that he would even look for them for her! The days flew by and she received an envelope. It contained a post-it and multiple photos. The note said, ‘Found them.’ The photos were of Stray Kids near the Sydney Opera House. Wait, he found them? The photos seemed to be taken from afar and the boys were with cameras? Filming a video? Arizona died right there. He went all the way to find them, take their picture, develop them and send them to her. 

Chan’s Perspective

Chan asked his manager to take photographs of them as they filmed and as if they were fans who spotted them. Manager Kim (let’s say that’s his name) agreed without asking for a reason. Chan quickly developed them and sent them before going back to South Korea. He was dying to tell her who he was. After all, he was her bias. Not that it made any difference. Sadly he still couldn’t, Stray Kids were going to be extremely busy in the next month and he feared not to have time to write so he made sure he had conversations planned out so she wouldn’t feel lonely. He also had the feeling that this comeback was going to be important for their careers. 

His last letter ended with; ‘Zo, I won’t be able to write as much because I will be dancing for a group for their comeback so we will be very busy practicing. But, I will try to write as much as possible. Don’t miss me.” 

.

.

.

Hey guys this was more of a filler chapter. I hope you get an idea of how the story is going to go.  There will hopefully be two more chapters, I still don’t know how I will space them out. Next chapter is going to be about the Miroh and Yellow Wood era. Arizona also graduates college and there is a big surprise that will lead to the last chapter. 

Playlist?

Adios - Everglow

Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer

Wanna Go Back - Day6 

Mirror - Stray Kids

These are the pictures Chan sends to Arizona.

[jaeminhours]

Hostage | Part One

SUMMARY | You fall in love with a boy you shouldn’t, and everything has consequences. In which you discover a new world, and in the process, fall in love with the boy in the leather jacket.

Read Part Two here!

PAIRING | na jaemin x reader, lee jeno x reader

CATEGORY | Gang (?) au, highschool!au, angst

WORD COUNT | 7.6k

WARNINGS | mentions of drugs, violence, character death

SONG REC | hostage - Billie Eilish

You’d never fallen in love before. In any case, you thought that it was far too early for you to fall in love. You were only in your junior year of high school, having just turned seventeen. It’s the same thing your parents had always told you, and the same thing you had always heard from your friends: high school boys are reckless and crazy, and falling in love so young never means anything. It’s too bad you didn’t listen.

The high school you attended was larger than most, and within, the student population was heavily divided between those who were wealthy and those who were poor. You were better off than most, and for the most part enjoyed a privileged life, thanks to your parents’ money. South Side High School was notorious for having multiple gangs in the area, and you were almost certain that several of your classmates were members. However, you had decided long ago that you would stay out trouble and pay no attention to mere rumors, instead opting to focus on your studies. Your life was calm, content, and safe. You had a small group of friends, but your best friends were Chaewon and Mark, who was a senior. Just like you, both of them were wealthier, got good grades, and were overall responsible students. They were the good kids at South Side. You were one of the good kids at South Side.

That’s why you were surprised, Monday morning, when Na Jaemin took a seat at the desk next to yours at the beginning of your shared math class. You ignored him, pulling your pencils and pens out of your pencil pouch and opening your notebook to where you had left off from your lecture last class. He didn’t say anything either, but you could see him watching you from the corner of your eye.

“You know you can’t sit there, right?” you said, zipping up your pencil pouch and tidying your things. “Mina sits there.”

“I’m sure she won’t mind,” he replied.

You turned to meet his eyes. If there was one word to describe Na Jaemin in relation to yourself, it was opposite. You and Jaemin were different people, with different backgrounds and different lives. Jaemin wasn’t wealthy like you, you knew. He even dressed differently, with ripped black jeans and leather jackets, pierced ears that were clearly against school dress regulations, a clear contrast next to your plaid skirt and white blouse. The times when you and Jaemin played on your bedroom floor and swung on the swingset in your neighborhood park seemed like centuries ago. You and Jaemin had been childhood friends, but you had grown apart, and grown up after his mother died.

“What do you want, Jaemin?”

He smirked. “Do I need a reason to talk to a pretty girl?”

You frowned, and turned away from him, determined to keep your eyes on the board.

“Okay, fine,” he said. “I need a tutor. No, don’t look at me like that, you have to. Mr. Moon said you could tutor me since I’m failing and I need to pass this class.”

You were gaping at him. “Mr. Moon said what?”

“I’m not lying, you can ask him.”

Your heart pounding, you turned to look at Mr. Moon at the front of the class. He was already looking, smiling encouragingly.

“He said he’ll sign it off as community service hours for honor society if you do it,” Jaemin offered.

You were still hesitant. You didn’t hang out with people like Na Jaemin. Somehow, you could sense that if you did agree to tutor him, it wouldn’t end well for you.

“Y/N,” You were startled by Jaemin saying your name, meeting his eyes once again. “Y/N, please. I know we have our differences, but I really need to pass this class.”

You cursed yourself mentally. You were being selfish. Jaemin wanting to get a good grade could only be a good thing, right?

“Okay, fine.”

Jaemin looked surprised. “Oh, okay! When should we meet?”

“Tuesdays and Thursdays, after school, in the library. Does that work for you?”

He grinned. “Of course. Can’t wait, Y/N.”

“Don’t be late,” you warned. “I’ll leave.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

You couldn’t stop thinking about Jaemin for the rest of the day. Your heart ached when you realized that the last time you had talked to him had been ten years ago. Then again, he wasn’t the sweet little boy you used to know. These days, he spent his time with a group of boys known for breaking hearts, rules, and windows. He hung out mostly with Lee Donghyuck, Park Jisung, and a couple older senior boys you didn’t know the names of. You were also pretty sure you’d seen him hang out with boys that had already graduated outside of school, making you suspicious about what he was doing with them. It wasn’t exactly a secret that they were part of the wrong crowd in your city. Even your father had told you to stay away from them.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N? Are you in there?” Chaewon’s voice broke you out of your daze, flinching away from the milk carton she was waving in front of your face.

“Oh, you’re awake,” she said dryly. “Are going to eat that?” She pointed to the untouched cookie on your lunch tray.

“No, you can have it,” you said, pushing it towards her.

“Thanks. What’s got you so deep in thought?” she said while taking a bite.

“Na Jaemin talked to me today.”

Chaewon’s eye widened, choking on the cookie. “Who? Did he really?”

“I’m tutoring him on Tuesdays and Thursdays now.”

Chaewon opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Mark sitting down across from you.

“What’s up?” he said, setting his tray down on the table.

“Y/N’s tutoring Na Jaemin!” Chaewon blurted out.

Mark looked similarly shocked. “Whoa, really?”

“Can you guys chill? It’s not that big of a deal.”

You were surprised to see that Mark looked almost concerned. “Y/N… you shouldn’t associate with them. They’re not good people.”

You frowned at that. Sure you didn’t really want to tangled up with Jaemin and his friends and yes, they did do some questionable things, but you didn’t think they were bad people, necessarily. They were just teenagers. You chose to ignore Mark’s tone and rolled your eyes. “I’m just tutoring him, I promise, Mark. Plus, Mr. Moon is giving me hours for it.”

“Oh!” Chaewon exclaimed. “That’s nice, isn’t it, Mark?”

Mark didn’t reply, watching you with darkened eyes.

You felt uncomfortable, so you stood up. “I’m going to go to class early. I… have a quiz in history.”

With that, you left and headed to your classroom. When you got there, you were surprised to see your deskmate, Lee Jeno, already sitting there, sleeping with his head on the desk and his hood up. You made your way over, brushing past him to get to your seat by the window. He woke up, his hood sliding down as he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He flashed you a bright smile, and your heart fluttered a little.

“Hey, Y/N. You’re here early today.”

Jeno was one of Mark’s other friends, part of the obscure group he often hung out with but never introduced you to. Other than Mark, Jeno mostly hung out with Huang Renjun and Zhong Chenle. They seemed like good students, rarely getting in trouble, but sometimes you still got a bad feeling from them. You liked Jeno, though. He was almost, but not quite, a friend.

“Hey, Jeno,” you said, smiling back. “Mark was being weird so I came to class early.”

“Oh,” Jeno frowned a little. “About Jaemin?”

Your eyes widened. “Yes, actually. How did you know?”

“I’m in your math class, Y/N. I saw you talking to him.”

“Oh,” You felt your ears burn. You’d forgotten Jeno was also in your math class.

Jeno didn’t seem to care about that, though. “You shouldn’t hang out with Jaemin, you know.”

You raised a brow. “That’s what Mark said. What do you mean, Jeno?”

Jeno glowered. “He’s just… not a good person to be friends with. You shouldn’t get mixed up with his crowd.”

“I think maybe you and Mark don’t actually know Jaemin enough to judge him so harshly,” you said, scowling back.

Jeno’s face softened. “Just be careful, okay?” he murmured. “I don’t want you to get hurt because of him.”

You opened your mouth to reply, confused, but you were interrupted by the sound of the bell. Jeno turned away, leaving you to wonder what he had meant.

Tuesday came quickly, and with it your tutoring session with Jaemin. Jaemin showed up in class with a black eye and bruised cheekbone, once again taking a seat next to you. He had talked to you, and you indulged him, ending up actually enjoying the conversation, as you avoided Jeno’s gaze. At the end of class, Jaemin had bid you farewell and said to meet him in the library after school for his tutoring. And that’s where you were now, waiting for Jaemin to arrive.

He came a couple minutes after you, sliding into the seat adjacent to you and spreading his supplies on the table. He flashed you a wide smile, and your heart fluttered again.

Stop doing that.

“What happened to your face?” you asked.

“Ah, this?” he said, his fingers lighting upon the bruise that adorned his face. “I may have gotten into a little fight.”

“With who?”

“Ah,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I don’t think I can tell you that. I think if I did, I might die.”

You frowned. He looked like he was joking, but his words and voice were serious. Your mind flashed back to what Jeno had said to you.

Just be careful, okay?

I don’t want you to get hurt because of him.

You shook the thoughts away, and handed Jaemin the problems you had written out for him to solve. “Try solving these so I know what you already understand.”

You and Jaemin worked silently, only talking when he needed help on a problem or a concept. When he finished, he leaned back in his chair, cracking his back. You winced at the sound, and glanced outside. It was nearing winter, and it was getting darker earlier. The only light in the library was provided by the dim lamps that hung above each table, and by there was only a couple students other than you and Jaemin that remained.

“Y/N, why aren’t we friends anymore?”

The question surprised you. “I guess we just grew apart, Jaemin. We were really young.”

“Do you think we could be friends again?”

You looked at him, and his sincere expression, bruises on his face, and your heart fluttered. In that moment, he looked young and innocent. Nothing like the bad boy your peers had designated him as. Why weren’t you friends anymore? Why couldn’t you be friends again? His eyes were wide and his lips slightly parted, waiting for your answer.

“Uh, yeah, I guess. I don’t see why not.”

Jaemin’s smile blinded you, and your breath hitched as he leaned closer.

“I really missed you, Y/N.”

You tried to remember to breathe, and then snapped yourself out of it, packing up your stuff. “It’s late,” you said. “We should get going.”

Jaemin nodded. “Do you have a ride?”

“I was just going to walk.”   

Jaemin zipped up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I’ll walk you home.”

You blushed. “You don’t have to, Jaemin.”

“I want to, though,” he said, pouting.

You hesitated. Mark lived across from you, and you were worried about what he would say if he saw the two of you together.

But in the end, your heart won over your brain, and you gave in.

“Okay,” you said, nodding. “Let’s go.”

The walk home was long and filled with tension. Well, your tension, because Jaemin seemed completely at ease. He walked close to you, your sides brushing as he talked about his friends out of school, Ten, Taeyong, and a couple others whose names escaped you. Suddenly, you were reminded of something.

“Jaemin, do you know why Mark told me not to hang out with you?” you asked.

He stopped walking, and you stopped to face him too. You were afraid that you had offended him until you realized that he was laughing.

“Did he really?” he choked out. “He’s one to talk.”

You were confused. “Jeno said the same thing.”

Jaemin suddenly stopped laughing. “Listen, Y/N. Don’t listen to everything they tell you. Mark isn’t who you think he is.”

“Jaemin, what? What do you mean?” You were getting increasingly confused. The past two days had been chaotic, and you felt like everyone else knew something you didn’t.

“I just want to make sure you don’t look at just one side of a story. Don’t take everything they say for granted, because I can assure you that I could tell you the same thing about them.”

“Jaemin,” you said slowly, “what don’t I know?”

He sighed. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if it’s my place to tell you just yet. Just… forget I said anything.”

He started walking again, and you trailed after him. You walked in silence, until suddenly Jaemin reached down and clasped your hand in his own. Startled, you looked up at him.

“Don’t worry, Y/N,” he whispered, staring straight ahead. “It’ll be alright.”

You didn’t know what was wrong, but the warmth of Jaemin’s hand reassured you. You smiled to yourself, and gripped his hand a little tighter.

“Mark’s kinda pissed, by the way.”

It was Wednesday, the day after your first tutoring session with Jaemin. He had dropped you off at your doorstep, smiled at you, and then disappeared into the darkness. The memory of his fingers intertwined with yours was still vivid in your mind, and you  kept blushed just thinking about it. Jeno had spoken, and was staring at you expectantly.

“Why’s that?” you said, nonchalantly.

Jeno’s gaze was sharp. “He said he saw you with Jaemin last night.”

You gulped. “So? I told him I was tutoring Jaemin. He doesn’t have any reason--or right, mind you--to be pissed.”

“He said you were holding hands.”

You didn’t answer that.

“Look, Y/N, you might think it’s not any of my business, and it probably isn’t, but I’m just trying to warn you. You and Jaemin. It’s better for both of you if Mark stays calm.”

“Why do people keep talking about Mark like I don’t something about him? What don’t I know?”

Jeno took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Please forget I said anything.”

You nodded, but didn’t say anything.

Jeno took that as an opportunity to move on. “There’s this party. It’s in a month, Yuta likes to plan things early, but I was wondering if maybe you’d want to come with me?”

You recognized the name. Yuta had graduated when you were a freshman but had stuck around, and was notorious for throwing parties that begged for a visit from the cops. But something at the back of your mind convinced you not to reject him.

“Okay,” you said. “Sure.”

Jeno’s eyes widened. “Really? I didn’t expect you to say yes.”

“Neither did I,” you admitted. “But I’ll go.”

“Great!” he said, smiling. “I’ll pick you up at seven then, if you don’t mind?”

He pulled out a sticky note and scribbled something on it, passing it over to you. “Here’s my number. Send me your address when you get home tonight.”

“Okay,” you said, smiling. “Can’t wait.”

Throughout the rest of the month, you and Jaemin got closer. He was sweet, and cute, and funny, and gentle. He was everything you remembered him to be from when you were kids. And you had no idea why Mark seemed to hate him so much. All you knew was that whenever you were around him your heart fluttered and you felt like you could hardly breathe. Maybe it was too fast, but you thought you might like Na Jaemin.

However, when he showed up to school covered in bruises on Friday, the day of the party, you started think there really was something serious going on. He slid into his seat next to you in math, his hood up and his eyes bloodshot.

“Oh my god, Jaemin. What happened?” you hissed, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him to face you. “Oh my god, are you okay? Who did this?”

Jaemin’s eyes flashed to the corner of the room, and you noticed Jeno watching the both of you. “Listen,” he said under his breath. “I’m fine, but I don’t think you should tutor me anymore.”

“Wait, what?”

Jaemin wouldn’t meet your eyes. “Look, I’m passing now, thanks to you. I don’t need to be tutored anymore. In fact, I don’t think we should hang out anymore.”

You were shocked, and you felt your heart ache. “What?” you whispered softly.

Jaemin looked pained. “I’m so sorry. But I can’t.” He stood up, gathered his things, and walked out of class without sparing you a glance.

You met Jeno’s eyes, noticing that he was still watching. For a second, you almost thought he looked guilty.

As class ended, Jeno stopped at your desk his fingers resting on the doodle of a cat that Jaemin had etched into the wood.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he said, smiling softly, as if he were afraid you might break.

“Yeah,” you answered, your head whirling. “See you tonight.”

You couldn’t deny that Jeno looked handsome when he picked you up that night. He wore ripped black jeans and a pristine white t-shirt, his black hair parted to show his forehead. He opened the car door for you, smiling brightly as you thanked him.

“Are you excited?” he asked once he started driving.

“Yeah, it’s actually my first party.”

He laughed. “No way!”

You could feel your face flush. “Yeah. Parties aren’t usually my thing.”

Jeno smiled, glancing at you. “Well, I’m glad I get the honor of accompanying you to your first party.”

For some reason, that statement put a damper on your mood. You couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if Jaemin was the one taking you to this party.

Yuta’s house wasn’t as big as yours, but it still looked  pretty roomy. You could see the flash of purple lights from the porch of his house and hear the dull thud of of music coming from inside. Jeno rang the doorbell, and the door opened to reveal who you assumed to be Nakamoto Yuta. He was blonde, with several piercings in his left ear but was otherwise very clean cut. He wore a black t-shirt and cuffed blue jeans with vans, and a bright smile adorned his face.

“You must be Y/N,” he said, reaching out to shake your hand. “Come in.”

The inside was chaotic. People held red plastic cups in their hands as they danced, liquid splashing onto the hardwood floor, but Yuta didn’t seem to mind. You could barely hear him over the music.

“Drinks are in the kitchen,” he yelled over the music. “Try not to get too shit-faced.” With that, he left, leaving you and Jeno to yourselves.

“Are you going to drink tonight?” you asked him, wide-eyed.

He laughed, and shook his head. “I have to drive you home, remember? Are you?”

“I don’t think it’d be a good idea to get drunk at my first party.”

Jeno nodded in understanding. It took you a moment, but as you studied his face your realized he was blushing.

“Are you okay?” you asked, laughing. “Your ears are red.”

He blushed even harder. “Yeah, I was just wondering if maybe you’d want to dance? With me?”

You smiled. “Sure, Jeno.”

He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the dance floor, but before he could, he was stopped by the reappearance of Yuta. He looked concerned, grabbing Jeno’s shoulder and whispering in his ear. Jeno’s smile disappeared, and he turned to you, releasing your hand.

“Y/N, I have to go, but I’ll be right back as soon as I’m done, I promise.” he said, looking into your eyes.

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you need to do?”

Yuta gripped Jeno’s shoulder tighter. “Uh, I’ll tell you later. Take care, don’t drink anything anyone gives you while I’m gone.” He disappeared into the crowd of people, trailing behind Yuta.

You were confused, and now you were alone, in a stranger’s house with strange people and no one to guide you through the mechanics of your first party. The music pounded at your ears, loud and unforgiving, making your head throb. You desperately needed to get somewhere quiet. Pushing through people, you ran into the first room you could find, closing the door behind you and shutting your eyes in relief.

“Y/N?”

Your eyes flew open, only to be met with the figure of none other than Na Jaemin, holding a red cup in his hand and looking at you with concern. He placed the cup on the floor.

“Are you okay?”

You nodded quickly. “Are you?” you said, thinking back to that morning’s events.

Jaemin gulped. “I’m sorry, about that. I didn’t want to be like that towards you. It’s just… Jeno was watching, and I really need to watch how I act with you around Mark’s people.”

You could feel something click into place. “Jaemin,” you said, lowly. “did Mark’s ‘people’ do that to you?” You gestured to his face.

You had walked over to him. He leaned against the bed frame, staring into your eyes. “Yes,” he whispered. You brought your hand up to his face, tracing your fingers down his cheek.

“Why?” you choked out, tears beginning to form in your eyes.

Why would Mark do something like this?

Why would he hurt Jaemin?

“Mark and his friends, they don’t get along with me and my friends. This happens more often than you think.”

“Why?” It seemed like that word was the only thing you were capable of saying. “Are you involved with something bad? Is Mark involved in something bad?”

Jaemin broke your eye contact, looking at the floor. “Yes,” he said, softly. “I guess I should tell you.” “Yeah, I think you should.”

He inhaled, his chest rising with a tremulous breath before he looked you in the eyes again. “We sell stuff,” he said. Your eyes widened. “None of the really hard stuff,” he said quickly. “Just like, weed, cocaine, other stuff. Mark does the same stuff, you know. He sees us as a threat, and makes our lives miserable because of it. He doesn’t even need the money.” His voice was hard, stone-cold.

“Cocaine isn’t exactly soft, Jaemin. What the fuck?”

“I don’t use any of it,” he said. “I just… need the money, the same as the rest of the boys.”

“The rest of the boys?” you asked.

“Yeah. Donghyuck and Jisung, Taeyong and Ten, that group.”

“Does Mark have… other people?” you said, fearing the answer.

Jaemin nodded. “Yeah. Renjun, Chenle, Yuta, and others. And Jeno.”

Your breath hitched. “Jeno?”

He nodded, shuffling his feet as he leaned against the bedpost.

“Why did they beat you up?” you said.

“Because of you. Because we were hanging out, and Mark didn’t like you getting close to me.”

A tear rolled down your cheek. “I’m so sorry, Jaemin.”

He shook his head, placing his hands on your arms. “It’s okay, it’s my fault.”

Another tear escaped. “No it’s not! They’re hurting you because of me!”

“And they can keep hurting me,” he said, wiping a tear off your cheek with his thumb. “A few bruises can’t stop me from liking you, Y/N.”

You stopped sniffling. “You like me?”

He laughed. “I thought it was obvious,” he said. You noticed he was crying now, too.

“I really, really like you. I always have,” he whispered, and then, with his hand still on your cheeks, he leaned down and kissed you. You gasped, tears still rolling down the both of yours and Jaemin’s cheeks. You leaned into the kiss, reaching a hand up to grip at his shirt while the other one rested at the back of his neck. He kissed you, and you could taste the salt of his tears on his lips, though you’d stopped crying.

He peppered soft kisses along your jaw, moving one hand down to your waist while the other one rested on your neck. You pulled him back into the kiss, your hands now on his cheeks. His lips were soft, and tasted like peach chapstick.

You were interrupted by a flood of light as the door opened. You separated, your hands dropping to Jaemin’s arms as you blinked against the harsh light.

It was Mark. He stood in the doorway, his fists clenched by his sides and anger evident on his face. Jeno and Yuta stood behind him. Jeno kept glancing between you and Jaemin and Mark, worry etched into his face. Yuta closed the door behind them.

Jaemin pulled you behind him as Mark surged forward. “I told you to stay away from her!” he said, throwing a punch. His fist landed square on Jaemin’s jaw, and you screamed.

“Mark, stop!”

He didn’t.

“Mark, please!”

Jaemin was on the floor as Mark crouched over him, flinging his fists at him as Jaemin tried to shield himself with his arms. You grabbed Mark’s arm, desperately trying to pull him away from Jaemin, but you were met with an elbow to your cheekbone. You fell to the floor, exclaiming in pain. Jeno ran to your side, and Mark stopped hitting Jaemin, standing up and looking only a little guilty.

“Mark…” Jeno said, brushing the blooming bruise on your cheek where Mark had hit you. You slapped his hand away, glaring, and stood up, rushing to Jaemin’s side. You were crying again.

“Get out!” you screamed, shoving Mark in the chest. “Go away!”

Jeno put his hand on Mark’s shoulder. “Mark, let’s just go.”

Mark flung his hand off. “He shouldn’t be here. He’s asking for a beating by just stepping a foot onto one of our properties!”

Yuta stepped up to Mark. “Mark,” he said quietly. “It’s okay, let’s just go.”

Mark glared at the both of you. “This isn’t over,” he warned Jaemin, then walked out, Jeno and Yuta trailing after him. As soon as you heard the door click shut, you crouched down by Jaemin. He sat  up, leaning against the bed frame as he groaned in pain.

He cracked an eye open at you, and smiled. “Worth it.”

You slapped his arm, tears still streaming down your face.

His smile fell, and he leaned up to cradle your face in his hands. “Hey,” he murmured, “it’s okay, I’ve had worse, I promise. Don’t cry.”

“That isn’t comforting,” you sniffled. His lip was cut, and blood trickled out of his mouth.

“Did you drive here?” you asked.

He nodded.

“Come on,” you said, pulling him to his feet. “I’ll drive you to your house and we can fix you up.”

He nodded again. “Thank you,” he said.

You grabbed his hand, pulling him out of the house and ignoring the stares of everyone else in the house. He pointed out his car and handed you his keys, quiet as you pushed him into the passenger’s seat and started the ignition.

“I didn’t know you could drive,” he murmured, resting his eyes. “I’ve never seen you drive to school or anything.”

“Well,” you said. “That’s probably because, technically, I can’t drive.”

His eyes flew open. “Wait, what?”

You were already driving. “I mean I can drive? I took the class and everything. I just might not have my license yet?”

He stared at you. “Stop. Pull over. I’m driving.”

You gripped the wheel tighter. “Absolutely not. You’re hurt, and drunk. Plus, I know where you live. It’s fine.” He smiled. “You remember where I live?”

You blushed. “Of course. How could I forget?”

The rest of the drive was quiet, only the sound of Jaemin’s breathing as he struggled to stay awake disturbing the silence.

You pulled up to his house, and he unlocked the door with his house key, beckoning you inside.

You led you to his room, and pulled a first aid kit out from underneath his bed. He sat down on his bed and you sat next to him, pulling out antiseptic wipe and bandages.

“It’s just a split lip,” Jaemin said, laughing.

“You also have a cut on your cheek,” you replied, pointing to the area. “I don’t want it to get infected.”

He rolled his eyes, but let you work on the cuts with the wipe. Blushing, you dabbed at the cut on his lip. Jaemin smirked, and leaned down to kiss you. This time, his lips tasted like blood and antiseptic, and you cringed.

You pulled away from him, licking your lips. “Jaemin, why do you do this? Why do you choose to sell drugs? Why do you continue to fight with Mark?”

“I need the money,” he said quietly. “We need the money. It’s not a choice.”

“Can’t you get out of this?” you begged. “I can give you money, you could get a job! Just… don’t do this anymore.”

Jaemin’s eyes hardened. “I’m not taking your money, Y/N. My friends need me, I’m not abandoning them.” His voice was sharp, and cold. “I can’t get out of this,” he whispered, and his face softened.

You pulled him into a hug, and you could feel him crumble, hear his sniffles as he held back tears.

“It’s okay, Jaemin,” you whispered. “No matter what you do, I’ll be there for you.”

You stuck to your promise, and you stayed by him for the next few months. Mark didn’t hang out with you as much, leaving you with Chaewon, but you still tried to keep your relationship with Jaemin out of his sight. You became friends with some of the other boys Jaemin hung out with, Donghyuck and Jisung. You and Donghyuck weren’t that close, and he tended to make you a little uncomfortable, but you treasured Jisung. He was only a freshman, and had just recently turned fifteen. You hung out mostly at Jaemin’s house, since his dad was barely home. Right now, you sat on Jaemin’s bed, reading a comic book he had left on his bedside table, and waiting for him to get out of the shower.

When he finally walked out of the bathroom, like always, your heart skipped a beat. His hair was damp and messy from the shower, and a towel hung around his shoulders. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and old sweatpants, an ensemble that you thought only Jaemin could make look like it was fit for the runway. A bruise on his cheekbone and a bandaid on his forehead decorated his otherwise perfect face, a reminder of a job gone wrong last week. He climbed over you, his towel falling on the floor as he pulled the covers over himself, snuggling up to you. You put the book back on his night stand and turned to face him. Jaemin threw an arm over your waist and pulled you closer, until your head rested under his chin. You wrapped your arms around him and listened to the dull thud of his heartbeat. He sighed in contentment, your legs tangled together underneath the sheets.

“This is perfect,” he said, nudging the top of your head with his chin. “I wish that we could stay like this forever.”

You hummed in agreement, hugging him tighter. The warmth of Jaemin’s body through his thin cotton t-shirt began lulling you to sleep.

“Y/N,” Jaemin said suddenly. “Do you believe in happy endings?”

You snuggled deeper into his chest. “Sure I do,” you answered. “I think everyone gets their happy ending, in one way or another.”

“Do you think I’ll get a happy ending?”

You ran your fingers lightly up and down his side. “Of course. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Y/N, I think you’re my happy ending.”

You giggled, and pressed your face into his neck, inhaling his scent, which smelled of strawberries.

Soon, your eyelids began to droop, sleep pulling at you once again as your breathing deepened.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Jaemin whispered.

But you were already asleep.

After a few months of peace with Jaemin, things started to take a turn for the worse again. Or at least, you felt like things were about to take a turn for the worse. Mark was smiling at you in the halls again. At first you thought that maybe Mark had decided to be the better person, that he had decided to let go of his prejudice against Jaemin and his friends and accept that you were friends with him. But at the sight of Jeno’s sullen, almost guilt-ridden face when he, Mark, and Renjun stopped by your table one day at lunch, your heart seized with worry.

“Hey, Y/N,” Mark said, his teeth showing in a twisted grin. You didn’t say anything, just staring up at him with confusion etched into your face.

Mark took your silence as a sign to continue. “I just wanted to let you know that things will be better soon. This time next week, we’ll all be able to be friends again and our relationship with Na Jaemin won’t be a problem anymore.”

His tone was light but insincere, and his words were threatening. Fear crawled at your throat.

“What do you mean?” you asked frantically, but Mark was already walking away. “Mark? Mark, what are you going to do?”

Jeno casts a guilty look over his shoulder, before following Mark and Renjun out of the cafeteria.

Chaewon nudged your arm. “Y/N, what was that about?” she said, looking concerned.

Chaewon knew enough to understand that Mark hated Jaemin, and that it had led to you and Mark falling out. She also knew that you and Jaemin were together, which was something only a few people actually knew but also something the whole school suspected, although she was the only person who knew how deep your feelings for him ran. She didn’t know the details though, and you planned to keep it that way.

“I don’t know,” you said, shaking your head. You didn’t know why you were so concerned, but something about the way Mark had spoken made you feel sick to your stomach.

The feeling in your stomach remained there for the rest of the day, and you grew more restless after each passing hour, eager to find Jaemin after school. As soon as the bell rang, you rushed out of the classroom, ignoring the stares of your peers and searching anxiously for the sight of Jaemin’s golden brown hair amidst to flooded hallways. As soon as you caught sight of him, your worries melted away, a smile alighting on your face as he waved at you.

“Hey,” he said, grinning as you ran up to him.

“Hey,” you replied, and tugged on his ear with your fingers, something that you’d taken a liking to after he had stopped wearing his piercings. He grabbed your hand and led you out of the school, beginning the walk to your house. This was a common occurrence, since Jaemin liked to make sure you got home safely everyday. You didn’t know how to tell him that just holding his hand already made you feel like you were home.

“Anything interesting happen today?” you asked, swinging your joined hands.

“Actually, yeah,” Jaemin said, the hopeful beginnings of a smile on his lips. “Mark talked to me today. Without his fists.”

You froze, the day’s earlier events crashing through you as you registered his words. “What did he say to you?” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

Jaemin turned, holding your hands in his as he leaned to meet your eyes. “He said he wants to figure things out, Y/N. Mend things, stop fighting. Find a way to split our deals without anymore fights.” Jaemin sounded excited, but you still felt the remnants of dread in the pit of your stomach.

“But why would he do that, Jaemin?” you said, searching his face. “Think about it. He talked to me earlier, too, and I really didn’t get a good feeling from it.”

Jaemin’s eyes bored into your own, his gaze pleading. “Y/N, think about what this means for me. For us. No more fights, no more bruises. No more patching me up after deals. No more patching Jisung up.”

You were still uncertain, but Jaemin continued.

“If we can find a way to split up the deals, I could make more money. I could even get out of this whole mess, eventually, if I saved up. I get all of us out of this, all of the boys.” Jaemin had a far away look in his eyes, almost dreamy, and it cracked at your shell. “Mark is probably tired of fighting too, you know. I’m not the only one getting hurt, and you’re one of his best friends. He even told me he wanted us to all get along.”

When you thought of it that way, Mark’s words made sense. Maybe he hadn’t meant them maliciously, after all.

“So,” you said, “what does he want to do?”

“We’re meeting up, everyone, at that old abandoned barn near my neighborhood to negotiate this Sunday.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Everyone?”

“Almost everyone, I guess,” Jaemin said. “I’m taking Jisung, Donghyuck, Taeyong, and Jaehyun with me. And Mark will probably take Jeno, Renjun, Chenle, Yuta, and Sicheng with him.”

You frowned. “I’m coming with you then.”

Jaemin shook his head, almost violently. “No, no way. I can’t do that to you.”

“If you’re so sure that nobody’s going to get hurt, then why shouldn’t I come?” you reasoned.

Jaemin looked uncomfortable, reluctant. “You’re right,” he said, sighing. “Just… be careful. Stay close to me, just in case.”

You nodded in agreement. “Okay. As long as you don’t do anything stupid.”

Jaemin laughed, slinging an arm around your waist and dragging you closer to him as you started walking again. When he dropped you off at your house, he stopped at your doorway. He grabbed your cheeks and kissed you, you hands twisting in the fabric of his t-shirt as he smiled against your kiss. He pressed a few more gentle kisses to your lips before he left, blowing you a kiss as he walked back down the street. You touched your lips with your fingers, smiling to yourself at the memory of Jaemin’s lips, his skin hot against yours. As you climbed up the stairs to your bedroom and flopped onto your bed, your mind wandered back to Jaemin’s words.

Y/N, I think you’re my happy ending.

You didn’t think your ending was anytime soon, but you did know that when it came, you hoped Na Jaemin was in it.

Sunday came quickly, and your nerves only worsened as the day arrived. Jaemin texted you that morning, telling you he’d pick you up with the rest of the boys at nine and instructing you to wear darker colors. You wore all black, tight black jeans and black converse high tops, as well as your favorite black hoodie. When you looked in the mirror, you thought you almost looked like one of them.

Jaemin picked you up exactly at nine, Jisung, Donghyuck, Taeyong, and Jaehyun smushed together gracelessly in the back of Jaemin’s old car. You laughed as you climbed into the passenger seat, and Jisung stuck his tongue out at you, only to be elbowed in the forehead by Donghyuck, who sat in his lap. As Jaemin started driving, he clasped your hand with his free hand, gently rubbing your knuckles with his thumb, his lips turning up in a small smile as he watched the road.

The barn where you were supposed to meet was old, and looked as if it was on the verge of collapse. It sat separated from the rest of Jaemin’s neighborhood, but the line of houses was still in sight. The grass was brown, brittle, and dead, but the moon shone bright overhead, casting a silver light upon your faces. The wide doors of the barn were wide open, hanging loosely on its frame, the hinges on their last legs. Golden light spilled out of the inside, but there was no one inside just yet. The five of you filed in and waited for Mark to show up. You sat on the dusty floor of the barn with Jaemin and Jisung, while the rest of the boys remained standing.

“They’re late,” Jaemin grumbled.

You opened your mouth to reply, but you were interrupted by Mark’s arrival.

“Sorry, Jaemin,” Mark said, smirking. “Someone was making trouble.”

Jeno trailed behind him, avoiding your eyes. True to his word, Mark had brought Jeno, Chenle, Renjun, Yuta, and Sicheng with him. But something didn’t feel right. Mark’s gaze was predatory. He stopped in the middle of the barn, but the other boys didn’t. Jeno strode towards you, and you tried to dodge, your gut telling you something was wrong, but Jeno was faster and stronger than you. He twisted your arms behind you with one hand, while the other one lay across your collarbone, effectively stopping any movement. The same things had happened with the other boys, within seconds. Renjun and Chenle both held Taeyong, while Yuta held Jaehyun and Sicheng had trapped Taeyong. Panic flared through your body.

What was going on?

You had cried out from the pain of Jeno’s grip on your wrists, and Jaemin was staring at you in surprise and horror. 

“What’s going on?” he demanded, turning to Mark. “Let her go!”

“You know, Jaemin,” Mark started, pacing back and forth in front of Jaemin. “I didn’t expect you to bring her, but maybe it’s for the best. Maybe she needs to see this.”

And then Mark threw a punch.

His fist hit Jaemin square in the jaw, and he stumbled back, clutching his face in pain. Mark didn’t give him a chance to react, and threw himself at him, fists flying.

You screamed, and struggled against Jeno, and he let go of your wrists, only to wrap his arms around your middle, holding you back.

“No!”

No.

“No! Mark, stop! Please!”

Please stop.

“Jaemin!”

Jaemin.

Mark was relentless, standing up to kick Jaemin in the stomach. A scream ripped from your throat as Mark’s foot collided harshly with Jaemin’s head.

You were sobbing, begging for Jeno to let you go, to go to Jaemin, but he wouldn’t let go.

You could vaguely hear Jeno responding, telling you, “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I can’t.” He might have even been crying.

Jaemin could barely move, writhing on the ground in pain and gasping for breath. The sight pained you and you cried even harder. Mark didn’t stop for what felt like hours, although you knew it could have only been minutes at the most. Jaemin was broken and bloody by the time Mark finally stopped. But it wasn’t over.

Mark walked away, laughing as he turned around and waited for Jaemin to move. He wiped his bloody hand on his shirt, leaving a trail of red against the material.

Jaemin struggled to stand up, coughing blood as he gasped for air. A cry strangled itself out of your throat, and he managed to spare a quick glance at your tear-stained face. You almost thought you saw him smile.

Mark raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Yes?” he said, shrugging his shoulders and holding his hands up as if to say, “What are you going to do now?”

“Fuck you.”

Mark’s eyes flashed. He picked up a steel bat that rested on the floor next to the wall of the barn, and then swung it directly at Jaemin’s head.

All the breath left your body as Jaemin’s skull collided with the bat, as a crack rang out into the night air, as Jaemin’s body fell to the ground.

Everything was still.

Now it was you gasping for breath, cries falling from you as you tried to comprehend what had just happened.

Jaemin didn’t move.

Mark made a movement with his hand, and his friends let go of you and the others. Jeno’s arms slid off of you almost reluctantly as you dropped to the ground, your legs unable to sustain your weight anymore. Jisung and Donghyuck and the others didn’t fight back, they didn’t get angry. They just fell to their knees, tears streaming down their faces, shocked.

“Hyung,” Jisung choked out.

You barely registered that Jeno still lingered by the barn door, watching as you struggled to your feet and stumbled to Jaemin’s side.

You clutched the sides of his face, shaking him gently.

“Jaemin, wake up,” you sobbed. “Please wake up.”

He didn’t move.

You moved your head to his chest, listening for a heartbeat as sobs wracked your body.

There wasn’t one.

“No, no, no, no!” you cried. “No, wake up, please! You can’t!”

You felt someone tug your arm, then leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Y/N, we have to go. Mark called the cops.” You heard him choke back a sob. “We have to leave him.”

Jeno had left, but you didn’t notice.

You cried out, and ignored Taeyong. You cradled Jaemin’s head in your hands as you rocked back in forth, his blood staining your palms.

“Jaemin, I love you. Jaemin, I love you so, so much. Please wake up.”

He didn’t hear you.

He never would, because the boy you loved was dead.

Part One | Part Two | Epilogue