#mattie i miss you. it’s a hell of a last word

[afieldinengland]

insane changes in both regards

[doc-pickles]

voicemail | mat barzal

summary: you’ve left mat many voicemails in the last few months, but he finally listens to them

warnings: mentions of pregnancy and childbirth

a/n: head empty no thoughts. enjoy!

xoxo nina

“Hey you’ve reached Mat. Leave a message after the beep.”

“Mat it’s me… I know we haven’t talked for few months but I would really appreciate it if you called me back.”

“Hey me again. Please call me back, I really need to talk to you.”

“Listen I know we broke up but… This is super important. I wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t. Please Mat.”

“Since you won’t pick up the phone I’ll just say it. I’m pregnant, Mat. It’s yours. Please… Just let me know you’ve gotten my calls and texts.”

“I don’t want money or anything, I just want you to know about our son and have the chance to be there for him. Call me please.”

“Hey, me again… If you don’t want to be apart of this that’s fine I just… I need you to tell me so I’m not sitting around with this false hope that you’ll show up for us.”

“Mat my water broke and I’m so scared. All I want is you. If you were ever going to pick up the phone now would be the time. Please babe, I can’t do this without you.”

“Matty…. He looks just like you. Please… please pick up the phone.”

+

“Fuck… C’mon Grey,” you groaned quietly as you rocked your two week old son. He was crying loudly and nothing you’d done yet seemed to help. “Bubs please, mama is trying her best.”

His wails continued, your shoulders slumping in defeat as you rocked back and forth. You were seconds away from crying right alongside your little boy.

A knock on the door interrupted your thoughts. Your brow furrowed but you moved toward it anyways. With a wince you glanced at your reflection in the hallway mirror. Your hair was messily piled on your head, the dark circles under your eyes were almost purple, and you had spit up on your shirt.

“Hold on Greyson, I’m just gonna answer the… door…,” your voice faltered as you pulled the door open to reveal Mat standing there. His hair was sticking up as if he’d been running his hands through it and his eyes were puffy. “Mat?”

Mat didn’t say anything as his eyes locked on Greyson who was still loudly wailing, unaware of the tension boiling between his parents. He blinked a few times before he looked up at you with watery eyes, “Is… Is that him? Is that our son?”

Your lip trembled as you looked up at Mat, heart aching in your chest as your eyes met, “You didn’t answer my calls.”

“I know.”

“You missed my whole pregnancy.”

“I know.”

“You weren’t there to hold my hand when he was born. I…,” tears welled in your eyes, quickly spilling over as you and Mat stood across from each other. “What- why now? What the hell are you doing here Mat?”

You fell into full on sobs as Mat stepped forward and pulled you into his arms, both you and Greyson crying against his chest. His arms held you close as he whispered apologies and sweet words to you.

“I’m so sorry baby, I’ll explain everything. Okay? I’ll tell you everything,” Mat whispered against your hair. You couldn’t do anything but cry along with your son, your shoulders deflating as Mat held you. “It’s okay, I got you. I got you both.”

When Mat gently grabbed Greyson from your arms you didn’t hesitate to hand him over. You’d been rocking him for close to two hours and you were delirious and exhausted from trying to calm your son.

“I’ll hold him while you take a nap,” Mat pressed a kiss to your forehead, holding you close for a moment. “I’m here baby, I got you.”

You laid in bed for a few minutes simply staring at the ceiling. You and Mat had gone through a civil breakup, ending things solely because you rarely saw each other. Between his job and yours your schedules were hard to coordinate and it had put unnecessary stress on both of you.

When you’d both decided to break off your relationship you spent the whole night in bed together. You couldn’t even begin to count how many times you and Mat had made love, chuckling as you realized that’s probably when Greyson was conceived.

With a sigh you laid down, your eyes immediately shutting as you drifted off to sleep thinking about you and Mat and your son.

+

Your body wakes you up, the breastmilk leaking through your top a sure sign that you’ve missed a feeding. With a groan you changed before going to hunt down Mat and Grey.

Stretched out across your couch is Mat, Greyson on his bare chest. His eyes scanned over every inch of your son as if he didn’t want to miss a single detail.

“Hi,” you whispered from the doorway, Mat’s eyes finally breaking away from Grey to meet your eyes. “I need to feed him, my boobs are killing me.”

Mat didn’t make any jokes, much to your surprise, as he sat up and handed Greyson over to you. You sat on the opposite end of the couch and quickly latched the baby onto your breast before you looked back over to Mat. His head was in his hands, bent over as he heaved a deep sigh.

“Mat-“

“I’m so sorry,” he cut you off, eyes still locked on the floor. “I… Fuck… After we broke up I was a mess. I started- ah, hooking up with this girl Hayley. It was casual, I literally never saw her outside of our hookups but she clearly wanted more.”

Your heart clenched as Mat told you about this other woman, but you let him keep going. You knew he wouldn’t be telling you this if there wasn’t a point to it all.

“We started casually dating. Just dinner or a movie before we… You know… Anyways last night I woke up to her going through my phone,” Mat stopped, finally pulling his head away from his hands as he looked up at you. “She had been deleting all your messages. I kicked her out and they were all there so I… I listened to every single one and then I drove over here. As soon as I knew I was on your doorstep. I’m so sorry. If I’d known, if I’d heard that first message I would’ve been here for everything.”

You hadn’t even realized you were crying until Mat leaned over to brush the tears staining your cheeks. You met his eyes, hurt and sincerity floating in them.

“I can never stop apologizing for missing all of this but I swear I’ll be here for every moment from here on out,” Mat whispered as he caressed your cheek. “Okay?”

You nodded as Mat kissed your forehead just as Grey let out a whine in your arms. Mat chuckled as you gently patted his back and coaxed a burp out of the infant, “He didn’t wanna be ignored.”

“He’s an attention seeker, just like his dad,” you snorted and watched as Mat’s face lit up. You handed Grey back to him, smiling as your son curled right into him. “He also already looks just like you. Figures since he has your name.”

Mat’s brows furrowed as he looked from Greyson to you, “My name?”

“Greyson Mathew,” Mat’s eyes widened as you grinned. “I knew you wouldn’t have ignored me on purpose or out of spite. And I don’t know what stopped me from just marching down to your place with my huge belly and waiting until you talked to me. I think a part of me was scared that maybe you would reject me to my face. I don’t know but… I’m glad you’re here now.”

Mat pulled you into his side, cuddling you into him as he pressed a kiss to your hair. Grey squirmed around for a second but calmed as you put your hand over Mat’s on his back. The scene was sweet and intimate, what you’d been dreaming of since you found out you were pregnant.

Everything was perfect.

+

“Grey’s screaming,” you groaned as you cuddled into Mat’s chest. “It’s too early for screaming Mathew.”

Mat chuckled as he slowly extracted himself from your hold, “I’ll go get the gremlin. You just lay there and look pretty.”

You grinned up at Mat as he left the room, heading down the hall towards Greyson’s room. A harsh kick landed against your stomach and you groaned, settling your hand against the slight curve of your belly.

“Your brother is already causing a ruckus, I don’t need you too,” you chuckled as another kick hit your hand. “Calm down sweet girl or daddy is gonna come in here and rile you up.”

“My girl is awake?” Mat asked excitedly from the doorway, Greyson on his hip with an identical smile to Mat’s as you rolled your eyes. “Lemme feel her.”

Greyson plopped himself onto the bed and curled into your side, watching with wide eyes as Mat leaned down to whisper to your belly.

“Baby!”

“Yup that’s your baby sister,” you giggled as Mat pressed a kiss to your belly. “Enough Mathew, you already know she’s gonna be a daddy’s girl.”

“I know,” Mat groaned as he looked up at you with a smirk. “But I didn’t get to experience this with Grey. I want to make the most of this.”

You smiled and ran a hand through Mathew’s curls, your wedding rings glinting in the morning light as his cheek pressed against your belly, “You’re an amazing dad Mat, have been from day one. We’re very lucky to have you.”

“I couldn’t imagine my life without you three,” Mat smirked at you before he leaned up and kissed you softly. “Thank you for giving us a family.”

“Thanks for listening to your voicemails,” you grinned as he leaned into your side.

[haddonfieldwhore]

hands to myself - matthew tkachuk

matthew tkachuk x reader

summary: you love watching your best friend play hockey, and he loves that it brings out your overprotective side

warnings: mentions of blood, language, one use of y/n, i think this one is gender neutral? idk it’s 3am

word count: 2.1k

you knew from the start that this game was going to get messy; maybe not tkachuk brawl messy, but close. the panthers were playing the flames, matthews former team, which always made for an interesting event. while you loved supporting your best friend, and tried to go see as many of his games as you could, it stressed you out beyond belief, only made worse by the fact that he had gotten injured at the end of last season. you knew he was a big boy, and could handle himself, but watching him have his sternum broken - and then play a game after - made you cringe a little harder everytime he got hit from then on.

if matthew had thought the lecture from his mother about playing while injured was bad, it was nothing compared to the hell you had unleashed when you found out; but he knew it came from a place of love. you had been by his side through his entire recovery, and it had made the two of you even more inseparable than you already had been.

it was still early in the first period when things started to get rough between the two teams, and you watched as matt was hit alongside the boards, and he stood up covering his mouth with his hand. to your surprise, no whistle blew, even as matthew shouted at the ref that there was blood, the contrast of the red dripping onto the white ice making it hard to miss. so it’s going to be that kind of night, you thought. the game was in calgary, and you were disappointed to see the linesmen showing favour to the flames so quickly into the game. matthew skated off to the bench, still catching blood in his hand as it fell from his lips, which you could read as he spat a ‘fuck off’ at one of the calgary players as he chirped him on his way past the florida bench. his eyes scanned the crowd and met yours, laughing despite the pain it caused his lip as you mouthed “what the fuck” at him. you knew damn well if matty had been the one to draw blood, there would have been a penalty, and he probably would’ve got the extra two minute minor as well.

as the game went on, you tuned out the sound of calgary fans cheering as one of their players slammed matt against the boards, and your body tensed instinctively as you heard the crash. he stood up with no visible damage, not hesitating to chirp the guy who had hit him. you knew getting hit was part of the game, but the amount of comments you saw online constantly celebrating when matt got hurt - or wishing worse injuries upon him - angered you beyond belief.

yeah, matthew was known to be a bit of a jerk on the ice, even you could admit that. but you couldn’t believe just how nasty and cruel some of the things people said were, which is why you had learned to stay out of comment sections, to protect your peace as much as possible. protecting your peace however, did not extend to you deciding to wear a tkachuk jersey into an arena of calgary fans, and you had been feeling the dirty looks from the surrounding population all night. you paid them no attention, keeping your focus on the game, growing more frustrated with each penalty the refs didn’t call on calgary.

after being tied for most of the game, the flames pulled ahead in the third, and you yelled in frustration as the officials awarded them a goal, despite their player missing the empty net thanks to floridas player, deciding that it was a trip and it would have gone in if not for the interference. you saw matthew swearing on the bench in frustration, and then watched him lead the team to the locker room as the time ran out in the clock, calgary securing the victory.

you met up with him outside the locker room a little while later, and your eyes landed quickly on the split in his bottom lip, the wound seemingly having opened up again in the shower.

“hey,” you said, as he pulled you into a hug, his body still warm from the game.

“hey,” he sighed. “are you ready to go? i can’t wait to get out of this place.”

“that makes two of us,” you laughed. matthew was very competitive, and you were sure the fact that his team hadn’t beat calgary since he was traded to florida was weighing heavy on his mind right now.

•

you walked into your hotel room, matty following close behind you, as you had invited him over to hang out for a bit. you were travelling with the team for a few days on this road trip, and while you were sharing a room with nina, nicks wife, you were sure she would be spending the night in his room with him. as you suspected, the room was empty, a note on the dresser confirming your suspicions. matt watched as you pulled the jersey with his number on the back over your head, leaving you in a tank top as you folded the jersey and tossed it on top of your suitcase.

“anyone give you shit for cheering for us?” he joked.

“i’m sure they did, but i was too busy watching to make sure the refs didn’t let anyone kill you out there,” you said, half joking.

“i’m fine, you worry too much,” he shrugged it off, but you could tell he was still a little pissed about the game.

“stop giving me reasons to worry about you,” you countered, walking over to where he was sat on the end of the bed. matthew began to reach for your hips as you stood between his legs, before he let his hands drop beside him, rethinking the action. “hang on- your lip split open again.” you walked into the bathroom, his eyes following you the whole time.

something about the way you always got so worried about him during games made his heart skip a beat. he thought back to one time you looked like you were ready to get onto the ice and fight someone for hitting him particularly hard into the boards, and there was still a lingering smile on his face when you walked back to him with a damp washcloth in your hand. you stood between his legs again, tilting his chin upwards slightly with your hand as you softly wiped the blood from his lip. this time, he allowed himself to rest his hands on your hips, and you didn’t think anything of the gesture; you were always clingy with eachother and often cuddling or touching in someway.

“sorry-“ you said as he pulled back, wincing slightly as you dabbed at the blood that had begun to dry on his mouth. “i can’t believe they didn’t call anything for this-“

“yeah,” he mumbled, not fully paying attention as he was too busy admiring you as you focused so intently on cleaning the injury.

“we both know damn well they would have called a penalty on you for the same thing.”

“maybe i have my reputation to blame for that.”

“or the linesmen were playing favourites. you know, maybe if you wore your mouth guard properly-“

he dug his fingertips softly into your sides, interrupting you and causing you to finally notice that his hands were on you.

“don’t start with that,” he laughed. “thank you.”

“anytime. but try not to make a habit of getting bloody, okay? even if it’s kinda hot,” you teased, and he raised an eyebrow.

“is it?” he asked, pulling you closer until you straddled his lap, and you froze; you hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“i- uh…,” you stuttered as he took the washcloth from your hand and tossed it onto the floor, before his arms wrapped around you again making sure you didn’t fall. “matty-“

“you know, it’s kinda cute when you get all over-protective?”

“i’m not overprotective-“ you argued. “i just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“is that why you look like you wanna kill anyone who checks me into the boards? i can take a hit, you don’t have to worry about me so much,” he insisted for the thousandth time. you placed your hands on either side of his face, looking at the bruise that was beginning to form around his lip. you pushed the curls at his forehead back with your fingers.

“is it that noticeable?” you laughed, and he smiled, falling back onto the bed and pulling you with him. you laid next to eachother, looking up at the ceiling.

“no, i mean, only a few of the guys tease me about you being my personal security detail-“ he teased, and you whacked his chest with one of the pillows.

“matt! that’s not funny!”

“okay okay, only verhaeghe does-“

“matthew!” you pleaded, and he laughed.

“i’m joking. i appreciate how much you care about me,” he said honestly.

“i just hate that there’s nothing i can do to stop you from getting hurt. and that there’s people who would celebrate it if you did.” you sighed, and he rolled into his side to look at you, a puzzled look on his face.

“why does that matter? i mean, who cares what they think?”

“i don’t know, i just-“ you sighed, not sure of what to say. “i love you matty, and i don’t want anything to happen to you.” matt’s blue eyes met yours before he pulled you into his arms, tucking your head under his chin as he held you tight.

“i love you, too. try not to worry about me so much, okay? and maybe i’ll try not to piss so many people off so you don’t have to.”

“okay, let’s not be unrealistic here-“ you teased.

“hey,” he cautioned, and you both laughed. “get some sleep, okay? and seriously, i’m okay.”

“okay,” you sighed, snuggling into his chest as he pulled the blankets over your tangled legs. “goodnight matty. i love you,” you mumbled sleepily. you felt him press a kiss to the top of your head, and he winced as it stung the cut on his lip, but he smiled anyway.

“goodnight, i love you too,” he replied, and he meant it even more than you knew.

•

in a room down the hall, sam bennett woke up in his bed and rubbed his eyes. he looked across the room to see the other double bed still neatly made, the blankets untouched. he ran a hand over his face, cursing as he wondered where his roommate was, because he clearly had not slept here. he scrolled through his phone and sent a text to matthew, asking where he was, before he got dressed and went out in the hallway and nearly ran into nick.

“morning. do you know where chucky is?” he asked, thinking maybe nick had seen his missing roommate, but he shook his head. nina appeared behind her husband, the two of them on their way to the lobby for breakfast, when she pulled a room key out of her purse.

“i have a feeling i know where we’ll find him.”

sure enough, after hearing no response to a few knocks on the door and a handful of text messages, the trio entered your room to find you and matt still curled up in bed together, both fast asleep. it wasn’t an unusual sight, and nina smiled at the two of you before dragging to two men out of the room and back into the hallway.

“see, he’s safe,” she laughed, as the three of them made their way to grab breakfast.

“should’ve known they’d be together,” sam shook his head. “do you think they realize they’re in love with eachother?”

“you’ve known them longer than i have, what do you think?” nick replied.

“maybe,” he shrugged.

“what if they’re already dating and just haven’t told anyone?” nina suggested.

“while that would explain the death stares y/n was throwing at the ref last night, i don’t think chucky’s that good of a liar.” sam decided. they all agreed, laughing as they came to the conclusion that if you were in fact together, matthew would never shut up about you; more than he already didn’t.

oblivious to the discussion going on downstairs, matt stirred softly, a smile spreading across his face as he looked at you in his arms. if he could wake up to this everyday, he would, the sound of your soft snores and the warmth of your arms as you clung to him making his heart rate speed up. while it was clear to everyone else, it was anyone’s guess how long it would take the two of you two realize you were in love with eachother. until then, matt was content with being the guy you were overprotective of, and that wasn’t gonna stop anytime soon.

disclaimer: all screenshots, events, and/or interactions depicted in this are a work of fiction. i have no association with any parties mentioned

[daddyslilchickenfingers2]

KINKTOBER (reuploaded)

Pegging (Matt)

Request: none but yall begged for me to bring it back lmao

Warnings: pegging obviously, sub!matt, best friends, bi reader, fingering(male), dual pleasure strap on, use of vibrator, slight edging, use of matty, mommy kink, whiny!matt, 0.2 seconds of matt sucking the strap, i think that’s all, lmk if i missed anything!

A/N: sorry this is a few days late, i’ve been super busy. tomorrow will be posted on time

Y/n’s pov

I was in the kitchen working on my MacBook when my best friend Matt came in and sat across from me. “Hey Matt.” I greeted him without looking up from my computer screen. “Um hi Y/n/n. Can I uh ask you like a really weird and personal question?” he asked. I was a bit confused but nonetheless nodded in agreement, “Sure I guess…” I said while clicking save and closed my laptop to give him my full attention. “I uh- I can’t ask you here, can we go to my room?” he stated nervously, only adding to my confusion.

We got into his room and Matt closed the door behind him, “So you know how you’re bi?” “Oh really, I am? I had no idea!” I replied sarcastically. “Not funny, but like you’re bi, obviously. I um, uh I-I know you have a strap-on…” he stuttered and trailed off. “If your question is why do I have it, I’m going to hit you for being dumb.” I joked, making Matt squirm uncomfortably, “Have you ever, you know, used it on a guy before?” he inquired nervously. “No��� Why do you want to know about my sex life you weirdo?” I was suddenly getting a bit flustered because how the hell does Matt know I have a strap-on in the first place and why is he asking me about what I do with it?

“I- uh- I really like y-you and I have um- a fantasy involving you a-and I really want you to do it. Please don’t get mad.” he stated in a rushed tone, stuttering over a few words. I was beyond confused and a bit shocked, “That’s not how I expected this conversation to go. Um, okay, wow- what’s um… what’s this fantasy?” I asked curiously. Matt started to nervously pick at his nails and chew on his lip, avoiding eye contact with me as his cheeks turned pink. “Would you please dom me?” he asked, “And peg me…” he added, saying it so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him.

“What!? Matt are you sure? It’s probably gonna hurt, I’ve-I’ve never done that before. I’ve only ever used it to fuck a girls pussy.” I replied flustered and just as nervous as Matt. He finally looked at me with pleading eyes, “Please? I have lube and I’ve fingered myself before. I’ll be a good boy and listen, I promise!” he begged me. Looking at his face, I reluctantly agreed “I uh- okay, we can try it. I’m just scared I’m going to hurt you.” I told him softly. “You won’t hurt me, it’ll just be uncomfortable at first. I really want this, I’ve thought about it since we were 17. Can we do it tonight? Chris and Nick are going over to a friend’s house.” Matt said quickly, clearly excited that I agreed.

“Sure I guess, but I’m gonna want foreplay beforehand. And I’m probably gonna want to kiss you, like a lot.” I laughed as Matt’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink again. He started looking down again nervously “Can I kiss you right now?” he asked softly, instead of answering I just tilted his head up and captured his lips in a short but sweet kiss. “Mhm, thank you.” he blurted out after, as I got up and made my way to the door. I sent him a wink before going to my own room where I pulled out my strap-on, which happened to be one for dual pleasure, meaning there was a vibrating dildo that went into me as well.

Even though it had already been cleaned after the last time I used it, I decided to clean it again anyway. I also decided I needed to ask Matt another question so I texted him to come to my room. I laid out a few sets of lingerie, that basically cover nothing, on my bed, but I wanted Matt to pick one anyway. “Um what did you need my help with?” he asked as he stepped into my room, closing the door. “I want you to pick which one you want me to wear tonight.” I said while pulling him over to my bed to look at what I had picked out. I stopped when I noticed Matt kept trying to cover his crotch with his hands, instantly knowing he was hard. “Are you hard right now Matty?” I teased, causing him to blush deeply.

“Only a little bit. I didn’t touch myself, I promise! I-I do have a vibrator in m-my ass though but it’s not on. I just wanted to edge myself so I could cum more later, ‘m sorry I didn’t a-ask.” he stuttered out, extremely flustered. “Do you have the remote?” I questioned as he was eyeing this one black set, which was mostly just straps. “Yes, and I want this one it’s really sexy.” he blurted out before blushing heavily. The one he picked out was a black leather bra and panties set with a grater belt, the bra was basically just an outline of one as it had nothing covering my tits. It did hold my them up nicely though, just like the panties, which were crotchless, and the garter made my ass look good.

“Can I have control of the vibrator until tonight? You think you can handle that without cumming?” I inquired, wanting to know how far I could take things with him. Matt dug into his pocket before pulling out the remote and handed it to me with an embarrassed smile. “I think I can as long as it’s not on 24/7.” he told me as he grabbed my hand and started nervously playing with the few rings I had on my fingers. “Can I ask you a serious question?” I asked Matt, resulting in him nodding. “I’m not judging you, I just want to know, but you don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable. Why do you want to be pegged so badly and like having things up your ass? I don’t care if you are, but are you like gay or bi?” I questioned, causing him to drop my hand.

Matt’s face turned a bright red and he had to clear his throat a couple of times before speaking. “N-No, I’m not gay or bi, I don’t find men attractive. I was just young and experimenting one day and figured out how to stimulate my prostate. I wanna get pegged because I’ve seen it on pornhub and it looks really hot.” he said softly. “Plus you’re someone I trust and if I’m being honest, you’re really attractive and you domming me would be the hottest fucking thing in the world to me.” he added, blushing heavily. “Noted. Thanks Matty, that’s all I needed.” I smiled at him before Nick conveniently called for him. This was the perfect time to start teasing him with the vibrator.

After putting the other two lingerie sets away, I walked out to the kitchen, pretending to go back to working on my laptop. I watched as Matt sat down next to Nick on the couch, pulling the small remote out of my pocket I pressed the + button, turning it on to 1, making Matt’s breath hitch a little. He looked up at me with pleading eyes to stop as he was talking to Nick but I turned it up again to 3, making him squirm a bit. “Matt, are you okay? You look uncomfortable and you’re not paying attention.” Nick asked, genuinely concerned.

Matt’s pov

I regret giving Y/n the remote to the vibrator now because I didn’t think she’d turn it on when I was talking to my fucking brother. I was fine when it was on level 1 but when she turned it up to 3 my brain went a bit foggy, I zoned out a little bit until Nick put his hand on my shoulder. “Matt, are you okay? You look uncomfortable and you’re not paying attention.” he asked, I quickly came up with an excuse. “Yeah I’m fine, my head just hurts a bit.” I lied, looking at Y/n and silently asking her to turn it off, which luckily for me, she did. After talking to Nick, I walked over to her, “Please don’t turn it on when I’m talking to my brother!” I pleaded, but that just made her turn it up to 5 while smirking.

“But doesn’t it feel good Matty?” she asked, I let out a whimper and nodded before walking back to the living room. This went on for the next two hours or so until Nick and Chris left, my boxers were soaked with precum and my dick was so hard. I was laying on my bed and I swear I almost came in my pants when Y/n walked in. She was wearing the lingerie set I picked out along with the strap-on, which was black and matched the set perfectly. The strap-on was definitely smaller than my dick, maybe 5 or 6 inches max, but that was good because I don’t think I could take one that’s upwards of 7 inches.

I started squirming as Y/n stood above me, looking down at me and telling me to get undressed. She already had me take the vibrator out like 15 minutes ago, not that it really mattered. “You’re already being such a good boy for me Matty.” she praised, making me whine a bit as her eyes raked over my body. “I’m ready for you to dom me.” I confessed, causing her to stop staring at my body and smile at me. “Where’s your lube at?” she asked me but I just got it for her instead, “Thank you handsome, can you lay on the bed for me?” she asked sweetly, knowing I was a bit nervous to get pegged and have sex with her in general.

Y/n’s pov

I know Matt said he wanted me to dom him, but I could visibly tell he was anxious and nervous so I was trying to be as gentle as I could with him. “Matty, if it’s too much or it hurts too bad let me know and we’ll stop and cuddle okay?” I said while moving some hair out of his eyes. “I promise I’ll say something.” he replied, “What do you wanna start with first babe?” I asked him, wanting to do things his way. “I want to makeout with you.” he giggled, I hovered over Matt and we started kissing slowly at first, then we started full-on making out. I was sucking on Matt’s tongue and he was letting out the prettiest whiny moans as I ran my hands up and down his sides.

Experimentally, I started ghosting my hands across his nipples, loving the whimper it pulled from him. I pulled back for just a second, “Does that feel good baby?” I questioned while rubbing my thumbs over his nipples before rolling them between my thumb and index finger. “Yeah but please more!” he whined, not making too much sense, “Please what baby? What do you want me to do?” I asked as I kissed all over his chest. “Want you to just peg me already. I’m ready mommy.” Matt squirmed. His eyes opened widely when he realized what he just said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mea-“ he started before I cut him off with a kiss.

“Don’t be impatient baby, mommy will fuck you when she’s ready.” I said sternly as I moved towards his aching cock. I discreetly turned my vibrator onto 2, not high enough to make me cum but just enough to get me more wet. His cock was already covered and dripping with precum, “This really gets you worked up, doesn’t it?” I teased as I grabbed the lube. I squeezed some onto my fingers and circled his puckered hole before slowly slipping one in. “Two fingers please, I can take it.” he whined, I added a second finger and Matt was right, he could indeed take it.

I started scissoring his hole opened before adding some more lube and a third finger causing Matt to whimper. “Too much?” I asked, not wanting to hurt him, “N-No just so full.” he panted out in response. I fingered Matt for a few more minutes until he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. “I-I think I’m ready mommy.” he said, looking up at me with those innocent blue eyes. “Are you sure?” I asked as I pulled my fingers out, wiping the rest of the lube off on my thigh. “Really sure, can- can I get it wet with my mouth and control your vibrator, please?” Matt asked nervously.

I handed him the remote and stood up, Matt quickly turned my toy up to 5 which caused me to squirm before he got on his knees. “You look good on your knees baby.” I complimented, making him blush heavily. “How do I um you know, suck dick?” Matt asked, his last two words barely above a whisper. “Well I’m not going to feel anything so you can just do whatever.” I explained, Matt nodded and started to suck on it lightly for a minute as I looked down at him.

He whined and stopped sucking, “I can’t wait, just use lube because I need it now!” he complained, desperately trying not to touch himself. “Okay, get back on the bed for me then.” I said while stroking the side of his face. Once Matt got back on the bed, I put some lube around his hole and onto the strap. “It might hurt baby, so tell me if you need to stop.” “Okay Y/n, please I need you so bad!” he whined. I placed the tip at Matt’s entrance and slowly pushed it in about half way.

Matt let out a choked sob as his hands tightly clenched the sheets and his face held a look of discomfort. “It’s okay Matty, you’re okay.” I soothed him, “P-Put the rest in.” he whimpered. I pushed in the rest of the way before stilling my movements again, not wanting to go too fast. Matt being the sneaky little shit he is, decided to turn my vibrator up to 7, I let out a loud moan as he did so. “Please move.” he groaned quietly, I started pumping at a slow pace as he started to groan a bit.

Even though I was feeling so much pleasure from the vibrator and I wanted nothing more than to start pounding into Matt, I stopped myself because I didn’t want to hurt him. “F-Faster mommy!” he loudly whined, I sped up my movements just a little bit, loving Matt’s whimpers and moans, “Feel good baby?” I panted out. “More! Need more!” he cried out, grabbing onto my shoulders, “Want me to go faster or harder?” I asked, wanting to clarify what he wanted.

“Both, please! Feels so goo—“ he cut himself off with an extremely loud moan as I started fucking into him rougher. “RIGHT THERE! FUCK MOMMY, D-DO THAT AGAIN!” he begged, bending his knees and putting his feet flat on the bed to arch his back more. Even with all the pleasure Matt was experiencing, he was still thinking about me, he turned up my vibrator to 10 which caused me to also join in on his loud moaning.

“Right here Matty? Is that where it feels good?” I asked breathlessly, “Yes! Yes! Please touch my cock, please! Please!” he needily moaned. I started rubbing his cock in rhythm with my thrust as we were both getting closer to the edge. “A-Are you close mommy?” “Very close baby, I just want you to cum first.” I told Matt, speeding up all my movements. “Choke me! Choke me tightly so I can please cum!” he whimpered.

I used my left hand to choke him and a couple seconds later, Matt was painting both our stomachs white with copious amounts of cum, cause me to cum as well and pulled out a him. “M-Matt, vibrator!” I cried for him to turn it off as I was getting overstimulated, “Sorry, sorry.” he apologized out of breath and turned it off my vibrator as I collapsed next to him on my back as we caught our breath.

I took off the strap and I was honestly just going to put it on the floor because I was too tired to clean it right now but Matt took it from me. He licked all my cum off the vibrating side before he put it on the floor and scooped his cum off of me. Matt stuck his fingers in his mouth to taste himself and moaned when I moved to lick the rest of his cum off his body. “You were such a good boy Matty, you did so well.” I praised him as I kissed his neck, sucking a minimal amount of hickies into the skin.

“Thank you Y/n/n, felt so good.” Matt blushed as I stood up to go take another shower “C’mon let’s go get cleaned up real quick.” I said while helping Matt up. I grabbed my clothes and strap-on as well as a pair of socks, boxers and a tshirt for Matt before we went to my room to take a quick shower. When we got out and got dressed we looked at the time to see Nick and Chris would be home soon. As to not be sus, we sat in the living to watch a movie and Matt was now extra clingy.

I’m not complaining, I think it’s cute, I enjoyed it. Matt had his head on my shoulder and I had an arm wrapped around his shoulders. I was playing with his hair when Nick and Chris walked back in and thankfully neither of them said anything. They probably just chalked it up to Matt feeling anxious about something and I comforted him. Both boys simply just plopped down on the couch to watch the movie with us until we all called it a night, Matt ended up sleeping in my room.

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[devildomwriter]

A Door to the Future | Mammon x Reader

.7K words | GN! Reader | CW: children

“Shit, which door did Barbatos say it was again…” Mammon walked down a corridor of doors in Barbatos’s room. He wasn’t even sure if he’d gone down the right hallway.

“Red door, red door…I think,” he mumbled as he strolled. His eyes lit up when he saw the door near the end of the hallway. “Bingo!”

He laughed to himself and sprinted to the door. He opened it up exited and waltzed right in when something collided with his leg.

“Hey!” He snapped instinctively before seeing the object was in fact a small boy.

“Oh shit, you alright kid…” Mammon asked and awkwardly crouched down to check on the boy. The boy looked up at him with bright blue eyes and Mammon raised one brow curiously.

“Hey, you kinda look like—“

“Papa!” The boy exclaimed and clung to Mammon’s leg. “I thought I didn’t get to say goodbye.” He sobbed and Mammon froze awkwardly.

“Yeah…um…here I…am?” Mammon was beyond confused and his instincts were telling him this definitely wasn’t the right door.

“Mammon, is that you?” Mammon froze when he heard your voice. Suddenly you appeared before him, older and more graceful than before but just as beautiful.

Mammon’s cheeks flushed when he saw you. “Oh, uh—“

You hugged him excitedly. “Good, I was worried Matty missed you.” You sighed in relief and Mammon looked around the room anxiously.

What was happening? Where did this door lead?

“Why don’t you have some coffee before you go, you can’t run off to work like that without breakfast,” you told him and he nodded wordlessly.

Wasn’t this the house of Lamentation? Something felt different about it. Mammon saw toys scattered across the floor and when he waltzed into the dining room behind you he saw six chairs instead of eight.

This made Mammon uneasy. Was everyone okay?

“Six…” you heard Mammon mumble worriedly.

“Did you forget? Leviathan and Asmodeus are visiting later so I brought the extra chairs out.”

Mammon noticeably relaxed when he felt Matty cling to his leg again. Mammon wasn’t sure what to do and kept walking, dragging the other leg behind him as the boy laughed excitedly.

“Daddy?” Mammon gasped and looked behind him where he saw a young girl, the spitting image of himself.

She wore a backpack and her hair was in a sloppy ponytail. She looked confused and possibly annoyed?

“Why aren’t you at work? Are ya skipping again?” She glared teasingly.

You laughed and Mammon shook his head, “I ain’t skippin’!”

“Ava, don’t tease your father so much,” you scolded and Mammon audibly gulped.

“F-fath—“

He was cut off when he heard Barbatos’s voice in his head.

“Mammon, return. Now.”

Mammon gently pried the boy from his leg and gave you an anxious look.

“Hey, listen…Umm. I gotta—“

You smiled and nodded. “I know.” Of course, you knew. Mammon wouldn’t stop talking about the future he saw with you when he returned to his own timeline. You’d wondered when you’d finally meet the Mammon of the past again. Alas, you couldn’t get him to stay any longer than he originally had.

You and Mammon shared a knowing smile. “See ya soon…yeah?” Mammon asked and you nodded. You waved and beckoned Ava and Matty to your side.

“Kids, say goodbye to dad.”

Ava grinned and Matty waved, “Bye papa!” They chimed in unison and Mammon, looking back until the last second shuffled out the door he came through.

Barbatos dragged him into the hallway and glared down at him.

“Wh…what was that…” Mammon gasped, holding his chest.

Barbatos rolled his eyes. “That was what you weren’t meant to see.”

“Wh-huh…d-does that really happen!? Are ___ and I gonna? Y-you know!”

Barbatos rolled his eyes again and sighed. “It’s a possibility.”

Mammon turned red and his heartbeat faster. “Hell no! It’s not a possibility, that’s happening! Definitely!”

“If you say so,” Barbatos clucked and started walking away towards the correct door.

“Hey don’t leave me!” Mammon yelled and ran after him, mind racing.

Could he make it happen? Of course, he could right!? Anything to see those little kids again, and you…every day for the rest of his life.

“Ava and Matty, huh…” Mammon grinned to himself. He couldn’t wait to tell you all about it. “___ is definitely gonna be with me, not even Lucifer can change that.”

[wreckedandpolemic]

87 and 57 with matty pls

my kink is karma, part ii - matty healy

(mdni) in which you finally, finally take matty up on his offer. 1392 words.

warnings: mentions of cheating, unprotected sex, mild degradation

You can’t stop fucking thinking about Matty. You’re doomed, damned to hell, every syllable of his name worn smooth like seaglass as you turn it over in your mind. You’ve lost count of how many times your fingers have hovered over his contact, his name in your phone having gone from DO NOT ANSWER!!!! to DO NOT TEXT!!!! to matty in the six months since your birthday.

Picking fights with your boyfriend gets easier and easier, for anything and nothing, your perfect relationship crumbling in your hands; you break everything you touch. Matty, though, is already broken. Maybe the shattered pieces of you will slot together. When Logan finally gives up and leaves you, it’s nothing like your split with Matty. There’s no screaming, no begging, no cruel words you can’t take back. No ache, no hollow regret. Just the quiet click of a door shutting on a chapter of your life you can’t have back.

And the first thing, the first fucking thing you do is call Matty. He picks up on the first ring. “Did you mean it?” you say immediately, low and slightly desperate. “That you’d be waiting?”

Matty laughs disbelievingly. “I haven’t been celibate for the last six months, if that’s what you’re asking,” he scoffs. You sniffle slightly, and he makes a soft, soothing noise, his demeanour instantly changed. “Darling, are you alright?”

“You were right,” you mumble. “I was wrong. I chose wrong. I chose wrong a year ago, and again six months ago. I just want one more chance. One chance to make the right decision this time.”

“Sweet baby,” Matty croons. “Where do you live?” You murmur your address, everything feeling slightly hazy. “I’ll be there in an hour,” he promises.

True to his word, Matty appears on your doorstep an hour later, a bottle of champagne in hand. The same champagne, you realise with a slightly delirious laugh, that he bought for you on your birthday. You let him in, your body a tight mess of feelings you aren’t sure you yet want to untangle. “Hi,” you giggle.

“Hi, baby.” The grin he breaks out in warms your heart as he sets the wine on the kitchen counter. “M’so glad you called, love. Was startin’ to give up hope,” he says, his hands finding your waist and pulling you close. “Was startin’ to think I’d never get to do this again.” His lips meet yours and your blood sings, pressing your body against his and melting under his hands. Matty licks into your mouth, deepening the kiss as you shudder.

“Want you so bad,” you whine against his lips. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you. I started… I almost… I thought about you while he was fucking me,” you confess breathlessly. Matty’s eyes light up. “I— I stayed with him for six months, and I thought about you every time. It was wrong, and I—”

He grins. “Yeah, but he didn’t fuck you the way you deserve to be fucked, did he?” You shake your head mutely. “Missed me, hm? Missed falling apart on your Daddy’s cock?”

“Yes,” you moan, shuddering as Matty kisses his way down your neck.

“Sweet girl,” he says, taking greedy handfuls of your ass. “Let me take you to bed, hm?” You moan eagerly into his mouth, Matty’s fingers nimble and yours clumsy as you tear at each other’s clothes, frenzied. He smirks as you let him into your bedroom, preening in the mirror for a second and grinning widely. “Mm-mm. No,” he says, gesturing down at the floor as you go to lay back on your bed. “Here, in front of the mirror, yeah? Wanna show my girl how pretty she is fallin’ apart for me.”

You nod, sinking to your knees in front of him and tugging his boxers down. Pressing a soft kiss to his hipbone, you wrap a hand around his cock and pump him slowly, his answering moan sending a thrill down your spine. “So eager, baby. Such a good girl. Wanna fuck you first, though, okay?” Matty sits down and pulls you into his lap, meeting your eyes in the mirror, the sight eerily familiar. He dips his head to kiss your neck, sucking bruises into your skin and laving his tongue over the soreness.

Your back arches and you grind in his lap, whimpering as Matty pinches one of your nipples and rolls it between his fingers. “Daddy, stop teasing,” you whine, gasping as he dips his fingers in your cunt, wetness pooling at his touch.

“Oh, darling. C’mon, love, on your hands and knees, yeah? Daddy’s gonna give you what you need.” He presses a gentle kiss to your shoulder as you move, stroking over the curve of your ass and murmuring soothingly. “You ready?” he asks, and you grind back against him desperately.

“Yeah, m’ready, Daddy, please, I need—” You cut yourself off with a choked-out whine as Matty fucks into you. Familiar pressure mounts between your thighs, your cunt clenching and whimpers dripping from your lips.

Matty’s fingers dig into your hips, filling you with deep, measured thrusts. “God, I love this cunt so fucking much. We’re not leaving this room for a long time, darling. Gotta make up for lost time,” he promises, something soft and adoring in his eyes as he watches you take him in the mirror. “Did he ever fuck you like this, baby?”

“N-no,” you moan, pleasure dripping down your insides. “He could never. There’s nobody as good as you, Daddy,” you promise, whimpering when Matty’s fingers come up to toy with your clit.

He smirks, the obscene sound of skin meeting ringing through the room. “Look at your reflection. Look at how gorgeous you are. So fucking gorgeous when I’m fucking you like this. So pretty for me, and only for me,” he moans, your eyes rolling back in your head despite your best efforts to follow direction.

“M’yours. Yours, all yours. Always been yours, Daddy, never stopped,” you babble, whimpering as Matty fucks deep into you, arousal dripping from your cunt.

“This slutty little pussy’s so wet for me, darling. Did you fuck anyone else, huh? Are you a cheating little slut?” he asks, low and vicious in your ear.

An impossible flare of lust coils in your belly, winding tighter and tighter with every circle of Matty’s fingers. “Y-yes,” you gasp. “Found… found guys who looked like you. I never— never called ‘em Daddy,” you hiccup as his thrusts get faster, meaner. “Never compared to you.”

“That’s right, darling,” he coos, pinching your clit cruelly, pleasure jolting up your spine. “M’your Daddy. And you’re my girl, yeah? All mine. Could do whatever I want with you, hm?”

Thick, sticky desire pumps in your veins, your heart beating in overdrive as you whimper and writhe under him. “Anythin’ you want,” you promise. “As long as you make me cum, Daddy, please!” you cry, breath coming in short, sharp gasps as you tip closer and closer to the edge.

“Yeah, darling. Been such a good girl. Cum f’me whenever you’re ready, okay?” Matty says, fucking deep into you and working two fingers in tight circles over your clit. The coiled tension between your thighs stretched to its limit before it finally snaps, your cunt pulsing achingly around him. Ecstasy winds through your bloodstream, a whining moan tearing free of your throat, and you could swear Matty murmurs, “Welcome home,” a split-second before he cums with your name on his lips. You gasp at the feeling of him spilling inside you, gloriously familiar.

“Thank you,” you say quietly as he pulls out, his gaze fixed on your messy, dripping cunt. “Needed that s’bad.” You sink to your elbows, your body limp and liquid.

Matty makes a soft, soothing noise, carefully lifting you into a sitting position. “Oh, baby. Forgot how tired you get after a good fuck. Here, c’mon, up you get,” he says, impossibly gentle as he gets you into bed, pressing soft kisses against your neck and chest.

“I love you,” you rush out as he starts to wander off to the bathroom. “I don’t think I ever stopped.”

“Oh, darling,” he says softly. “I know I didn’t. Always knew we’d end up back here. You’re it for me,” he promises, and your chest warms, everything familiar and finally slotting into place.

[puckbunnyera]

Enough | Matt Boldy

• ──────────────♡────────────── •

pairing: matt boldy x reader genre: fluff, slight angst (?) word count: 956 warnings: kissing, but nothing crazy lol summary: to him, you will always be enough

notes: this is short and i kinda hate it but whatever. its late as hell and the idea popped in my head so i kinda just ran with it. we'll see if this stays up or if i end up deleting it.

• ──────────────♡────────────── •

Another night. Another failed date. And where do I find myself? The same place I always end up in. Crying in the arms of Matthew Boldy, my best friend since elementary school. Most people know him as Matt Boldy, number 12, up-and-coming superstar forward for the National Hockey League's Minnesota Wild. But to me, he will always be my Matty. The one guy who has seen me at my highest highs and my lowest lows, yet has stuck around through it all.

Unbeknownst to him, he is also the reason I have found myself in this situation more times than I would care to admit. Unrequited love is what everyone calls it. I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember, and at 22 years old, that love still burns strong. So what do you do when you fall hopelessly in love with your best friend? Sign up for numerous dating apps and go on a bunch of shitty dates that do nothing but leave you even more heartbroken than you were at the start. Listening to asshole after asshole pick you apart and remind you of why you just aren't good enough.

"What is wrong with me, Matty?" I sniffle, the ache in my chest still present even hours after returning from yet another disastrous date.

"What do you mean?" He speaks softly, hand gently stroking through my hair as I sit curled up in his lap on his couch.

The faint sound of cars honking and the city's bustling nightlife is the only sound creeping in from the open balcony door, filling the silence between our hushed whispers.

"I want to be enough for somebody. Why can't I just be enough?"

"Don't say that." Despite not being able to see his face, I can picture the frown of frustration taking over his beautiful features.

"I just want someone to look at me as if I hung the moon and stars, you know, like in the movies. Someone to hold me and cherish me as if I'm just a breath away from slipping through their grasp. I want someone to tell me I'm pretty and smart and funny without it being conditional. I want someone to love me for who I am and not who I could be if I just confined myself to fit their norms and standards." I ramble, sitting up to face him. "I want someone who will laugh at my terrible jokes. Someone who will wipe my tears when I cry and tell my that things are going to be okay, even when I feel like they won't. Someone who looks forward to spending time with me and misses me the second I'm gone. " I rattle on, words leaving my mouth faster than my brain think. "I want someone who kisses me as if every kiss might be the last. I want someone who will love me as hard as I love them. I want that someone to be you. But it can't be because we 're best friends. And that's all we've ever been, just best friends." I take a deep breath as I finish my rant. My chest heaving after my long winded tangent as my brain tries to catch up. And when it finally does, dread fills me.

"I-I'm sorry." I start. "I didn't-"

"Do you mean it?" His strong, steady gaze leaves me momentarily speechless. His words carry a hint of emotion but his face remains emotionless. Once the fog in my brain clears, I finally respond.

"I do." I nod, "I'm in love with you, Matty."

His eyebrows furrow, head shaking slightly as if he's having a mental battle against himself. After a moment or two, his lips part slightly as if he's about to speak. I brace myself for rejection, but it never comes. Instead, I'm met with the unexpected feeling of his lips crashing into mine. The initial contact has me holding my breath. However, it only takes me few seconds to melt into the feeling, into him, as one hand settles on my cheek and the other rises to the nape of my neck, pulling me in closer. My hands grip his shirt, trying my best to remain grounded.

The kiss is somehow tender yet firm. Desperation and passion seeping through every fiber of our beings. As if years of pent up feelings and emotions are finally surfacing, but uncertainty, and maybe a little bit of fear, still resides. By the time he finally pulls away, my lungs burn from the lack of oxygen, but I can't find it in me to care.

"I can't tell you how long I've waited to do that." He speaks between breaths, forehead still resting against mine.

"I can't tell you how long I've waited for that to happen." We both chuckle at the admission

"I'm in love with you too, by the way. I figured it was clear when I dragged you all the way to Minnesota with me. And I hope you know that you are enough for me." His tone becomes serious again. "You are more than enough. I don't know what was said, or who said it, to make you believe otherwise, but it doesn't matter. All that does matter is that you know how much you mean to me. And if you don't, I'll make it known. I'll prove it to you over and over again until you're sick of me."

"I could never be sick of you."

"I hope you mean that because you're stuck with me." He pulls me closer, if that's even possible, brushing his nose softly against mine.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I smile as I lean in for another kiss.

[fuckinthewholetown]

Fallingforyou - Matty Healy Chapter Two

Chapter two is finally here!!! Thank you all for the support on chapter one, none of the comments made me cry which means I’m clearly doing something right. I’ve tried something a bit different with this one so you finally get some insight into what the hell Matty is doing.

Tags: Angst, slight mentions of smut, swearing

Word Count: 4985

Minors do not interact!!!

Your POV

The UK/Europe leg of the tour was over in a flash, doing a full lap of Europe before you end back where you started, Wembley Stadium. Now, you have three months to relax until you kick off the North American portion of your tour in Arlington, Texas. However, there’s one thing the Lost Atlantis girls don’t know how to do and that’s take a break. Somehow, despite all of your success, you end up in a dingy Premier Inn just North of central London on a random Sunday in the beginning of July.

“If I knew you’d get free tickets to 1975 gigs, I would’ve slid into Ross’s DMs for you years ago.” You say, slicking your hair back into a low ponytail in the dim lighting of the bathroom.

“This is why I was hesitant to tell you, because now you’ve got us dressing up like we’re spy’s.” Maddie says, chuckling as she sticks a skinny black tie around her neck.

“I thought considering you’re shagging a member of the band you’d understand this but I’ll gladly explain it to you again. This is a formal situation, and there’s a dress code. It’s essentially a Matty Healy cosplay competition disguised as a concert.” You reply, exiting the bathroom and doing a spin to show Maddie your entire get up.

“I understand the whole dress code thing, what I don’t understand is why you want to follow it. All you’ve been doing for the last two months is performing and slowly falling into a downwards spiral over Matty hating you. The last thing you want to do is look like him.”

“Maddison, when will you learn? Yes, I am constantly having a mental breakdown over the fact he hates me but my power as a fan girl trumps that any day of the week. I tried getting tickets for this gig and I couldn’t, so now that God has dropped free tickets into my lap I’m going to seize this opportunity.” You respond, sitting down on the rock solid mattress probably worth about a tenner.

“That was an excellent speech, there’s a reason we make you do all the talking.” You both fall into a comfortable silence, doom scrolling until the rest of the girls are ready.

Truth be told, you were putting on a front, acting all excited to see the boys again. And you are, both because you missed them and because you’ve spent the last four years waiting to see The 1975 at Finsbury Park. Despite this, there’s still a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach. The thought of seeing Matty again and once again being rejected leaves a lump the size of a golf ball in your throat. Maddie was right, you haven’t been able to enjoy the last two months of tour. Despite traveling Europe with your best mates, performing at some of the biggest stadiums in the world, you’ve only got one thing on your mind at all times. Matty.

How he brushed you off when you first met, the snarky comments made in your direction, the infuriating nickname meant to be a jab as your band name. Despite this, the thing on the forefront of your mind is the hug. You know it was a group hug that he was forced into, and knowing how he acts towards you he would have rather been standing next to anyone else. However, all you’ve been thinking about since you last saw him was the fact the area his fingers touched has been noticeably colder since he pulled away.

You’re quickly pulled out of your shame spiral by what could best be described as an assault on your hotel room door. That means one of two things, either a mob of angry fans have found where you’re staying or the girls are finally finished getting ready. Luckily for you, it’s the second one. You have about 30 minutes until you need to leave so conversation fills the room, with the dulcet sounds of Being Funny in a Foreign Language playing in the background to hype you all up. Final touches are made to hair and makeup and next thing you know, you’re all barrelling out to the streets of London.

Despite not growing up here, London feels like a second home to you. Even though you’ve been on tour most of the time, you’ve lived here since you were eighteen so navigating the streets comes with ease to you. It’s also the one place where no one cares who you are. Everyone’s so focused on themselves, they don’t pay attention to the fact that one of the biggest bands in the world is just casually walking around next to them. It’s an introvert's dream.

You eventually get to the entrance of Finsbury Park, blending in with the thousands of fans wearing the exact same thing as you. You knew these outfits would be a good idea. Bypassing the general admissions entrance, you and the girls walk over to the VIP entrance. Introducing yourselves to the security, you’re quickly escorted through the park towards the side of the main stage.

Before you even see anyone, you hear them. The rowdy conversations echoing in the corridors, long before you even get close to reaching their dressing rooms. You hear him, his laugh as George says something out of pocket. That stupid laugh that you know you’ll never get to hear unless you’re outside the room.

“Hey boys!” Ava says, entering the dressing room and making your presence known. The room erupts with cheers at your arrival. Matty seems happy, until he makes eye contact with you and his smile drops. This is going to be a long day.

When he sees you, George immediately wraps you up in a hug that makes you actively try to keep both your feet on the floor. It’s the kind of hug that makes you forget all of life’s problems. It’s the kind of hug that makes you forget that the man you’ve dreamt about since you were sixteen is currently sitting in the corner giving you a look that could burn through your scalp.

“Todays gonna be a good day, pretty girl! We’re performing at fucking Finsbury Park! I know that’s not a big deal to miss ‘I casually play Wembley Stadium’ but it’s a big deal to us.” He says, slowly putting you down. You chuckle at his slight dig at you, knowing full well he means no harm.

“Oh George, I love how you’re always here to remind me how much more successful than you I am.” You laugh, playing into the egotistical role he’s forced you into, “but seriously, this is gonna be one hell of a gig. I had tickets back for the 2020 show, but that damn covid ruined all my dreams.”

“I always forget you’re a fan. Like, it’s so weird to imagine you just casually listening to our music before you win a Grammy.” He says, sitting down on the edge of a chair and pouring a glass of water.

“I don’t listen to music before a gig, it stresses me out too much. But you know what I make sure I do before every show? Cleanse the space.” You say, pulling out a stick of incense from your bag. George gives you an apprehensive look, clearly not buying into the hippie shit you know and love. “Come on, it can’t hurt. It’s won us 2 Grammys for album of the year. You can argue with that logic.”

“Fine, but if Matty shits himself on stage it’s on you and your incense.” He laughs, holding out his lighter. You go around the room, getting some weird stares from some and knowing stares off the girls.

“Hey, don’t knock it. She forgot to do it before a show once and the sound system stopped working halfway through and a rogue pyro burnt me and I ended up in A&E at 3am. That shit works!” Moon yelled, somehow making herself louder than the countless conversations that we’re going on at the time.

Then you got to Matty, who’s been side eyeing you the entire time you’ve been walking around the room. You make sure to linger in his area for longer than the rest, aggressively cleansing him of any negative energy.

“This is the biggest gig of your life and yet I’m getting a lot of negative energy from you. Might wanna fix that before the show.” You say, refusing to make eye contact with him.

“Whatever you say, Princess.” He scoffs, you instinctively roll your eyes as the horrendous nickname before walking off towards the rest of the group.

Luckily, you could ignore the side eyes and the snarky comments by supporting all your friends. The highlight of your day being The Bleachers. You’ve known Jack and the rest of the band for years, almost as long as you’ve been in the industry, so seeing fifty thousand people yell the lyrics to their songs makes your heart swell with pride. However, nothing will beat hearing the entire crowd chant the name of Mattys mum. Knowing the entire audience is secretly there for Denise, makes you and the rest of the girls burst out with laughter.

Before the boys go on stage, you meet them all at the side. Giving each of them a hug and your best wishes for the show. You can’t hide it, your inner fan girl starts coming out at this point. You go up to Matty, trying to create some element of peace.

“Do me a favour and play Love Me?” You say, a glint of a smile on your face. He doesn’t return the favour.

“In your dreams, Princess.” He responds, before walking off to do some final preparations before heading on stage.

However, you could forget all about this when you hear the first few notes of The 1975 from Being Funny in a Foreign Language. All of a sudden, you’re no longer the lead singer of a world famous band. You’re just a girl, standing in London, watching her favourite band perform her favourite songs. All your problems wash away, and you get absorbed by the charismatic nature of Matty.

Every so often, you’d catch the eye of one of the people on stage. Throwing up a heart to Polly, blowing a kiss to George, and giving Hann an enthusiastic thumbs up. That’s until you meet eyes with Matty. Not sure what to do, you stand there staring at him. A mischievous grin falls upon his face, a smirk that’s going to haunt your dreams. And also, the first bit of actual emotion he’s shown you. You’re unsure what to think of this, until the end of Happiness comes around.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” He says into his mic, despite putting on an act his charisma is palpable. No wonder you fell for the act. “Welcome to The 1975 At Their Very Best! Now normally, we don’t take requests this early on. Especially not from blonde bimbos who think crystals do shit. However this songs a banger and you all deserve it!”

You know what’s coming next, however it’s still whiplash hearing the opening notes to Love Me. You’re not sure how to feel. On one hand, they’re playing one of your favourite songs. On the other hand, the man who you’ve considered to be your musical inspiration just called you a blonde bimbo on stage. Clearly, you’re not hiding your disappointment as well as you thought you were as you feel Maddies arms snake around your waist.

“You good?” She whispers, barely loud enough for you to hear.

“Yeah,” you nod, “I’m great.”

The rest of the show goes off without a hitch. If you ignore the comment Matty made early on in the show, you’d go as far as to say it’s the best gig you’ve ever been to. Tim Healy singing All You Need To Hear, About You with Carly at golden hour, Be My Mistake. It’s a show teenage you would’ve dreamt of seeing.

You head backstage after the show, the energy from everyone is radiant and even Matty can’t keep up his stoic demeanor. Annoyingly, his smile lights up the room and you find yourself feeling things you haven’t felt since you were in your peak tumblr days. These feelings quickly get diminished when you realise that everytime he looks at you, the light behind his eyes dwindles.

All of your fears are washed away when you hear the familiar voice of Charli. You first met six years ago, when she opened for your band on the UK/Europe leg of your second world tour. You’ve stayed close friends since, however both of your busy schedules have kept you apart. You spot her, realising she’s mid conversation with Matty and George. Deciding to talk to her later, you turn to look for one of your bandmates however fate has other plans.

“Holy shit, come over here you sexy, blonde bitch!” She yells, dragging you over to join the conversation. She pulls you into a hug that rivals George’s from earlier in the day.

“Damn, I forgot you two know each other. Don’t know how, Charli constantly reminds me that she’d leave me for you in a heartbeat.” George laughs, handing you another drink.

“I have that effect, the girlies love me.” You reply, taking the drink off George and winking at Charli. Matty scoffs.

“Yeah, whatever you say.” Matty responds, taking a sip of his drink to muffle what he was saying. It doesn’t work, silence falls over the group. The silence is palpable, until someone decides to play Boom Clap over the speakers and the group erupts into laughter.

You can’t help but feel guilty for bringing the mood down backstage. You know it’s him who started this, but you play into it. When Ava comes over to you to inform you that everyone’s going to a local bar, you decide to opt out of it. Using the excuse that you’re tired after a long day and you just want to go back to the hotel to sleep. Once you get back, the silence envelops you. You realise it’s the first time you’ve heard nothing all day. Before you knew it, tears started rolling down your face. Over analysing the day's events didn’t help. Every comment, every look, everything he’s done towards you crosses your mind, and the more you think about it the more tears stream down your face.

You did not expect sobbing in a Premier Inn to be how you end your day.

Mattys POV

The 1975 at Finsbury Park has been a long time coming, getting canceled due to Covid when it was first announced. He’s waited for years for this moment, and it’s finally arrived. He’s sat in the dressing room with the rest of the band, conversations about who knows what are flowing. The adrenaline in the room makes everyone unusually talkative.

“I’m just saying, would we be as successful if we were worms?” George said, with the most deadpan look on his face. The room erupts into laughter, joy that is only boosted when five unexpected guests walk into the room.

“Hey boys!” The drummer of Lost Atlantis, Ava Fletcher, yells over the roaring conversation. It’s all fun and games until he spots her. They’re all dressed in their best 1975 concert attire, dressed in different variations of his suit getup. It’s her outfit that catches his eye first though. Opting for a short sleeved shirt and a mini skirt that perfectly frames her body. Her blonde, curly hair pulled up into a low ponytail. She looks annoyingly beautiful.

His face drops instinctively when he sees her, refusing to have any feelings that may give his thoughts away. He recognises the disappointment on her face, and he knows it’s his fault. He can’t help but feel guilty, knowing he’s the reason she never truly has a real smile when she’s around them. Yet he’s not sure why he does it, maybe it’s because he’s been hurt by women like her before, maybe he’s afraid of rejection. Who knows?

He can pinpoint the exact moment these feelings started, he was on a night out with the boys when Ross pulled up a video on his phone. It was a video of a girl, clearly pissed out of her mind, singing the ending of Robbers. Ross informs them it’s the lead singer of Lost Atlantis, who’s apparently been very open about being a fan for years now. However, for some unknown reason he’s never seen her face. Even drunk, she’s beautiful. The way her curls perfectly frame her face, the makeup that’s clearly been smudged by a night of drunken antics, the dress that perfectly frames her figure. She’s everything and more.

Despite acting cold towards her, the secret looks still brings a smile to his face. Watching her interact with his boys as if she’s been a member of their inner circle for years. Watching her perform at Wembley, like she was made for that stage, hiding her fear with bravado and excellent stage presence. He’s never met anyone like her.

After sitting in the corner for what feels like hours, she finally walks over to him holding a stick of incense. He’s never brought into any of that shit, but when she does it it’s weirdly endearing. The fact that she’s so set in her belief system, it just makes her more beautiful.

She stays near to him for longer than she does elsewhere, giving him the opportunity to bask in his presence for a second longer. Her perfume envelops him, luring him further down the rabbit hole. She aggressively incenses the area he’s sitting.

“This is the biggest gig of your life and yet I’m getting a lot of negative energy from you.” She says, her voice acting like a siren luring him in and yet he continues to walk to the other way. “You might wanna fix that before the show.” She continues, almost at a whisper. Without warning, his trousers suddenly become two sizes too small. If she keeps acting like this, it’s going to be a very long day for him.

“Whatever you say, Princess.” He responds, clearing his throat to try and hide any arousal that the previous comment caused. Rolling her eyes in response, he can’t help but let the intrusive thoughts roll over his mind. The thought of him being the reason she’s rolling her eyes, but instead of it being out of frustration it’s when she’s lying naked underneath him. Now his trousers are three sizes too small. He watches as she struts away from him, going back into idle conversation with the rest of the boys.

He tries his hardest to ignore her the rest of the day, which is an impossible feat when she’s so unknowingly beautiful. Watching as she jumps around to The Bleachers, or whooping and cheering George on as he steps on as drummer for The Japanese House. She’s always there, just in the corner of his eyes. He knows he hasn’t had a great life, but this is a cruel act even for God.

Despite this, he manages to pull himself together by the time he needs to get on stage. Standing in the wings, silently hyping himself up, he’s joined by the rest of the band as well as the Lost Atlantis girls. They’re wrapped up in hugs, which he reciprocates for most members of the band. Before he knew it, she was standing in front of him like a sight out of a dream.

“Do me a favour and play Love Me?” She says, a smile on her face, the only smile he’ll get from her for a while. That damn smile.

“In your dreams, Princess.” He responds, knowing full well they were already planning on playing it early on in the set. The thought that maybe he’d get to see her enthusiastic reaction is the only reason he can justify his response.

He stands behind the door at the back of the stage, reveling in the cheers from fifty thousand fans standing in the field before him. The adrenaline is enough to forget everything around him, he’s no longer a love struck boy from Manchester, he’s a performer ready to put on one hell of a show for the fans who have traveled far and wide to see them.

The opening notes of The 1975 blares over the sound system, somehow still quieter than the screaming fans. He looks out, reveling in the moment of fifty thousand fans screaming along the lyrics he wrote. He also notices how she reacts to making eye contact with other members of the band. Throwing a heart up to Polly, blowing a kiss to George, and meeting his stare with a deadpan expression and quickly looking away.

The first three songs are over in a flash, and before he knows it it’s time to speak.

“Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to The 1975 At Their Very Best! Now normally, we don’t take requests this early on. Especially not from blonde bimbos who think crystals do shit. However this songs a banger and you all deserve it!”

He’s not sure why he says it, it just slips out. This whole hating thing is way too easy to fall into. It doesn’t make seeing the look on her face any easier. The way her smile drops at what she hears is heartbreaking, turning a moment of joy into something she’ll have nightmares about. He knows the bimbo label has tormented her on the internet over the years, but he guesses hearing it on stage come from someone she’s been a fan of for years affects her differently than when it’s coming from an anonymous journalist.

He manages to put this at the back of his mind as the show goes on. And he can’t deny, despite some hiccups the show goes amazingly. Bringing his dad out for All I Need To Hear cemented this show as one for the history books, getting deservedly emotional over how far they’ve come since they were 12 playing in his mum's garage. He occasionally looks to the side of the stage, hoping to catch her eye but it never happens, either catching her eye at the wrong moment or she’s refusing to look at him for the rest of the show.

Once the show’s over, they all head backstage for a post show party. He’s dragged around left, right, and center, forced to take part in some of the most mind numbing and repetitive conversations known to man. That is, until he’s saved by George and Charli. He’d much rather be a third wheel than have corporate conversations with sleazy businessmen trying to profit off his success.

He’s too distracted to take part in the conversation though, his eyes constantly finding the cheery, blonde figure in the room. Her smile emits a light source, drawing everyone towards her including Matty. His feelings are only heightened when Charli calls her over.

“Holy shit, come over here you sexy, blonde bitch!” Charli yells, grabbing her by the forearm and dragging her over to the group and pulling her into a hug. He forgot that they knew each other, making his situation ten times more awkward.

“Damn, I forgot you two know each other. Don’t know how, Charli constantly reminds me that she’d leave me for you in a heartbeat.” George chuckles, handing her a drink that he ,not so sneakily, puts extra alcohol in.

“I have that effect, the girlies love me.” She says, looking at Charli and winking at her. A soft groan escapes his lips that he manages to cover with a cough.

“Yeah, whatever you say.” He responds, taking a sip of his drink to calm him down. An awkward silence falls over the group, no one really sure what to say in response. Luckily, someone starts blaring Boom Clap over the speakers, causing an annoyed groan to come from Charli before she starts loudly exclaiming how the song was a quote unquote “mistake”.

He jumps at the opportunity when Hann asks if he’s coming out with the rest of them to a local bar. However, when they get there he notices one person is missing from the group.

“Hey, um where’s your little friend gone?” He says to the four remaining members of Lost Atlantis.

“She’s gone back to the hotel.” Maddi responds, clearly annoyed. “She claims she’s tired, but I think it has something to do with the fact an egotistical asshole called her a blonde bimbo on stage.” A look of regret floods his eyes, he knew it would affect her but he didn’t think it would be that bad.

“Look, I'm sorry but,” he starts talking but is quickly cut off.

“We don’t care about how sorry you are, Matty. We just wanna know why you did it? You’ve been an ass to her ever since the Wembley show. She’s been nothing but nice to you, and you’ve responded by being a childish dick head.” Ava snaps, giving him a glare that resembles daggers.

“You’re in a band as well, I’m sure you understand why we’re being so protective. But whenever she’s around you, she isn’t herself and we’re not losing her over some petty grudge you hold for god knows what reason.” Moon follows up, not giving Matty enough time to respond.

“Disrespectfully, but we’ve lost all respect for you after the bimbo incident, so fuck off and leave us alone for the rest of the night.” Maddie continues, walking off before he could say anything. He walks over to a booth in the corner of the bar, cradling his drink and thinking how he’s going to grovel at her feet the next time he sees her. This self pity spiral is quickly ruined when Sienna Turner walks over and sits down next to him.

“I know why you’re acting like this.” She says, giving him a sympathetic look. “I get it, I don’t agree with the way you’re doing it, but I get it.” The confusion is obvious on his face, unsure of what the hell she is on about. “You like her, trust me I totally understand. She’s a total smoke show, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my best mate. And I get that you probably have commitment issues, you’re not the first rock star I’ve met, but being a little bitch and calling her a bimbo on stage is not the way to cope with it. You’re just getting a one way ticket into us five shunning you, and that wouldn’t be fun for you because as long as Maddie and Ross are sleeping about you’re stuck with us.” She finishes, leaving the two of them in a comfortable silence.

“I’ve been hurt before.” He starts, unsure of why he’s spilling his secrets to who is essentially a stranger but he continues anyway. “And when I first saw that video of her, drunk and singing along to Robbers, I was smitten. But I never expected to meet her in real life, I mean you girls are stars and we’re just four men in our thirties. So when I did, I panicked. I mean, she’s somehow even more beautiful in real life than she is in that video.” He chuckles, taking a sip of his drink to collect his thoughts. “You know flight or fight? My response was to be a dick, and now I’ve pushed her away and she thinks I’m an asshole which I guess I am after what I said today. It’s probably for the best, your songs are amazing but those breakup songs are brutal. I think I’d have to go into hiding if one was written about me.” He laughs, making eye contact with Sienna for the first time since the conversation started.

“I’m going to give you some advice, and don’t take this as me liking you, I’m doing it for the beautiful woman who we need to be as mentally healthy as possible because she pays my rent. She’s been hurt by men before, and I’ve just sat back and let it happen but I’m not going to do that again. Despite everything that’s gone down in the last couple of months, I want to believe that you are a good person. However you need to prove that and apologise. I know it’s going to be awkward and uncomfortable, but you will do whatever it takes to make her forgive you. I don’t care if you have to get on your knees and beg, next time you see her you will be a groveling little bitch.” She says, with the most serious expression on her face. He knows she isn’t joking, those girls are protective over each other and will fight heaven and earth to make sure each other is safe.

“To being a groveling little bitch.” He says, holding up his drink for a cheers. Sienna clinks her glass with his, giving him a small yet comforting smile.

As harsh as it was, he needed that reality check. And not from someone who was close to him, but from a stranger who doesn’t care about his feelings. Sienna was right, he can’t keep hurting the people around him just because he has been hurt before.

He goes back to his apartment, ready to start planning the best apology ever given. But he doesn’t know where to start, considering he writes songs for a living he can’t seem to find the right words to explain how he’s feeling without exposing all of his feelings. He decides to give up, closing his laptop and falling into his bed. Letting sleep take over him as images of her flashes in his mind.

[bellaxgiornata]

Falling For the Devil [Part seventy-nine: "The Hell Day"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: You stay home from work because you're having a terrible day on your period.

Or

Matt stops by for a surprise visit and offers you comfort in more ways than one.

[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 2.9k

a/n: This is a little hurt/comfort fic while Reader is on her worst day of her period. And there's some Sweet Matty comforting Reader and some moving in discussions! Our next installment is titled "The Revisitation of Moving In" that I'll hopefully be sharing later this week! You can find the entire list of installments for this series on tumblr here.

Tag List: @stilldreaming666 @mattkinsella @ninacoette @murdocksclient @madscamp02 @1988-fiend @lina-mar @pinkratts @schneeflocky (I apologize if I missed someone or if any of these tags didn't work! Some of you might have search settings turned off on your account so I can't actually tag you!)

Curled up on your couch absently watching the food channel, your arms were wrapped around your abdomen as you groaned in misery. Your whole body ached, especially your lower back, and you'd been feeling nauseous since early this morning when you'd woken up. You'd had a headache for the past five hours that just wouldn't go away no matter how much water you drank or ibuprofen you took. 

You were on day two of your period–also known as Hell Day. Since it was Friday and you'd felt like death, having woken up long before your alarm had gone off and been unable to fall back asleep because your cramps were just that painful, you'd called off work. Last night had been one of those rare nights that Matt hadn't stopped by as Daredevil because he'd stayed home working on a case, so you'd thankfully not had to wake up to him witnessing how miserable you were. 

While you'd avoided Matt over that first period week you'd gotten months ago, right after the two of you had gotten together, you hadn't continued that trend for most of the periods that followed after. Though admittedly you had often managed to find a way to avoid him one way or another on Period Hell Day for months now, so he'd yet to encounter you on the absolute worst day of your period. Which you'd been grateful for, because generally you were more of an emotional mess than usual, and that's exactly how you'd felt today, as if you were one random, small thing away from crying. Again .

A knock at your apartment door drew your eye towards it, a deep frown settling onto your face. There could only be one person who would be here knocking on your door at almost seven on a Friday night. You closed your eyes, rolling over and burying your face in the pillow you'd been lying on. Another groan left you yet again. 

"I don’t feel good tonight, Matt," you grumbled into the pillow. “Leave me to my misery.”

"You and I both know that I'm not going to do that," Matt's distinctive voice came from the other side of the door. “Let me in, sweetheart.”

“I don’t want you to see me like this,” you protested, face still buried in the pillow.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m blind,” he quipped back, amusement clear in his tone.

“ Matt ,” you whined.

You heard the clear rumble of his chuckle outside of your door, the sound of it drawing your face from its hiding place. It had been yesterday afternoon since you last saw him for lunch and you certainly had missed him–despite how pathetic it was to admit because it had barely been over twenty-four hours.

"I brought mint ice cream?" Matt called hopefully through the door. “And it’s uh, probably going to melt on me if you leave me out here.”

“Why didn’t you lead with that?” you called back.

You pushed yourself upright on the couch with a grimace, your cramps somehow feeling worse now that you weren’t curled in the fetal position. 

“Because I sort of thought my girlfriend would be happy for some company and comfort tonight?” he responded. "Didn't expect that I'd need to bribe her to answer the door."

Eyes narrowing, you rose to your feet, shuffling your way to your apartment door. Your right hand was pressed to your bloated abdomen like it was going to keep your insides from somehow falling out of you while you walked. Quickly unlocking your door with your left hand, you swung it open to reveal Matt’s handsome and smiling face. He held up the container of mint ice cream he had in fact brought over in one of his hands. 

“What the hell does that mean?” you asked him suspiciously, eyes still narrowed as you ignored the ice cream. “Why would you think I want company and comfort tonight?”

Matt’s smile immediately fell, his dark brows drawing together, a crease forming between them. His head slowly shifted to the side as he pursed his lips. There was a long moment that he stood in your doorway looking confused as he remained silent.

“Because you’re…on your period?” he eventually answered carefully. “And I know you usually don’t feel well?”

“How do you know I’m on my period?” you questioned him.

Matt’s head tilted further to the side, his dark brows almost entirely disappearing behind the red lenses of his glasses now. “This…this feels like a trick question,” he said slowly. “I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to answer that.”

You shook your head quickly, hugging both arms over your stomach as if that would somehow block Matt’s heightened senses from picking up on anything from your body. “No, ew, definitely don’t answer that ,” you agreed. “I meant I haven’t seen you today, how would you know?”

“I saw you yesterday, sweetheart,” he pointed out. 

“But I hadn’t told you I was on it because I just had–” you stopped, eyes going wide when Matt’s expression turned sheepish. “Oh my God , you could still tell ?” When he opened his mouth you immediately shook your head again, throwing a hand up from your stomach to stop him. “No, please do not actually answer that.”

“It’s not a big deal, sweetheart,” he said gently.

“Says you !” you shot back.

“So you’re just going to leave me to let this mint ice cream melt all over my hands in your hall then?” he asked.

“Obviously not,” you said, stepping aside.

Matt took a slow, careful step into your apartment, almost as if he was wary that you really didn’t want him here. Your shoulders sagged at the sight, shutting the door after him.

“Sorry, I’m a hormonal mess,” you apologized. “I feel horrible and I wasn’t expecting you to stop by tonight and now I’m just overthinking your senses. Again .”

You accepted the ice cream from Matt, turning and bringing it to the kitchen to keep in your freezer for now. Behind you, you heard Matt slipping out of his shoes.

“You know you really don’t need to do that,” he told you. “Overthinking my senses about things.”

“Sort of hard not to do,” you mumbled. “Overthinking is sort of my thing.”

You made your way back towards the living room where Matt was pulling his dark glasses from his face. His eyes were tracking your movement as he leaned over to set the glasses onto your coffee table, the smile growing on his lips as you made your way towards him.

“If you’re ever actually going to move in with me,” he said, “you’re kind of going to have your period around me, sweetheart. And you know it doesn’t bother me. I’ve told you that a hundred times now.”

Sighing dramatically, you once again hugged your arms across your bloated stomach as you came to a stop in front of him. “Try getting my overthinking mind to believe you,” you replied.

He chuckled lightly, his hands reaching out and landing on your shoulders. He gave them an affectionate squeeze that drew a small smile onto your face.

“I have been trying that for awhile now,” he pointed out. “Clearly it’s not an easy feat to accomplish.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, “because all I can think about are the gross things you’re picking up on when I’m like this. And I’m…” you trailed off, lips clamping together before you could admit what was on your mind.

Matt’s face shifted to something serious instantly, clearly sensing your hesitation. His eyes were scanning around your face curiously. “You’re what?” he prompted.

Chewing your lip, you gazed down at your coffee table. Could you really verbalize something so gross and ridiculous to Matt? The last thing you felt like doing right now was discussing your period with the man you wanted to still find you attractive when you weren’t bleeding in a few more days.

“Hey,” he said, his tone softer as he gripped your shoulders a little tighter, “you can tell me anything. What’s bothering you?”

“It’s just…if I move in with you, you’re right,” you admitted quietly. “I’ll be having my period around you. Like all the time.”

“Yes,” Matt agreed. “I am aware that it's a monthly occurrence. And I don’t have a problem with that.”

“But like…” you continued, your eyes locked on your coffee table because you could not look at him, “that means I’ll, you know, be…disposing of period-related things. At your place. All the time."

Matt let out an amused snort that quickly drew your eyes to his face. He bit his bottom lip, shaking his head quickly.

“Sorry, sorry, I really don’t mean to laugh,” he said immediately. “I’m not–not trying to make light of your feelings, but sweetheart, it’s just blood. I bring enough blood home on a near nightly basis. I don’t care. It doesn't bother me. And for the record, it would be our place."

“But you have the nose of a bloodhound–”

“Better, actually,” he cut in.

“Matt!” you shrieked, to which he only chuckled again. “That’s not helping!”

"You're right, I'm sorry," he said, the grin still on his face. "Just trying to lighten the mood."

You shifted awkwardly on your feet before him, other anxious thoughts about living with Matt crossing your mind. As if sensing that, his hands slid down your shoulders, making their way down your arms until they wrapped around your own hands. 

"Hey, let's sit," he suggested gently. 

Matt led you back towards your couch, the pair of you settling down onto the cushions beside each other. He kept his hold on your hands, that serious expression back on his face as he gazed at you. 

"What's on your mind, sweetheart?" he asked. "Tell me."

"I just–just worry about all the things you're going to pick up on if I move in with you," you confessed. "Things I'm not aware of because of your heightened senses."

Matt murmured your name, the sound drawing your eyes up to his face. Nervously you chewed your lip, Matt's thumbs rubbing lightly over the backs of your hands. 

"You've spent so much time with me already, sweetheart," he pointed out. "Staying the night at my place or me staying here. And I'm still here not grossed out by you." One corner of his lips curled upwards as he added, "And I lived with Fog during college for years . Share an office with him almost every day of the week now. You're not going to gross me out or whatever you're afraid of."

"Well Foggy isn't hoping you're still attracted to him at the end of the day," you blurted. 

Matt's mouth twisted into a bigger grin in response. "Well that would mean I'd have to be attracted to Fog at the beginning of the day," he teased.

You sighed deeply, not wanting his jokes right now. Quickly picking up on that, Matt sent you an apologetic smile. 

"I'm serious, Matt," you admitted awkwardly. "If we live together, you'll be around me all the time. Every bad day I have and every morning of my gross morning breath. And every period where I'm super gross, like right now. And every time–"

"Hey," Matt cut you off firmly, squeezing your hands. "I want every moment with you, sweetheart. All of it. The good and the bad. I want you with me. And you are not super gross right now," he stated sharply. "You never are. Nothing is going to make me love you or want you any less."

You couldn't help the sting of tears that pricked at your eyes or the way your lips had begun to tremble as Matt's words hit you hard. His brows drew together on his forehead as he noticed your body’s reaction. 

"Sweetheart?" he asked, his eyes softening as they focused near your own. "Why're you crying?"

Tears had already quickly begun falling down your cheeks in hot, wet steaks. You sniffled loudly, fighting to keep your voice as even as you could when you spoke. 

"Because I'm hormonal as fuck, Matt," you sobbed. "And you're so fucking charming and sweet. And I love you." You slipped a hand out of his hold as you gestured behind you towards your kitchen. "And you brought me my favorite ice cream on my worst damn day of the month!"

His brows knitted further together, the crease between them deepening on his face. The corner of his mouth twitched downwards. "Those are all–all good things though," he pointed out carefully. 

"I know!" you agreed, your voice cracking. 

His head tilted to the side as he studied you for a moment. "So you're…happy?" he clarified.

"Yes!" you exclaimed. "I'm incredibly hormonal and you're being really great and it's making me cry! But I also cried watching House Hunters earlier, too." 

He laughed lightly, pulling you into his chest and wrapping his arms around you. One of his large hands began soothingly running up and down your back as you buried your face into his dress shirt. You quickly soaked the material with your tears as your arms wrapped around him in return, balling the material in your fists. That familiar scent of him surrounded you and you buried your nose further into his shirt. A moment later you felt him pressing a kiss into your hair.

"I love you, Matty," you said into his chest. 

"I love you, too, sweetheart,” he murmured. “How about I get changed and I come cuddle you on the couch?" he offered. "I can give you a back massage if you lay on me. I can hear how sore your back is."

"You've had a long week yourself," you replied, sniffling again. "Both in and out of the office. I'm not going to ask you to do that."

"Well you're not," he pointed out. "I'm offering. Here, let me up."

Reluctantly you released your hold of him, Matt rising up from the couch. He shot you a smile, murmuring he'd be right back back before you watched him disappear down your hall to your bedroom. 

With a sigh you settled back onto your couch, your eyes focusing back on the food channel. It was a few minutes before Matt returned no longer in his work attire. Instead he padded down your hallway barefoot in a pair of gray sweatpants with a tee-shirt in one hand. 

"Shirt or no shirt?" he asked, stopping before you on the other side of the coffee table. 

Your lips parted in surprise as your eyes raked over his bare torso, every defined inch of him on clear display in your living room. Matt grinned devilishly at you, tossing his shirt onto the coffee table before he made his way back to you. 

"That answered my question," he said, amused.

He sat down on the couch, drawing his feet up as he maneuvered behind you. And then he opened his arms to you, waving you over with a smile. 

"Come here, sweetie," he whispered. "Let me help you feel better."

You gradually climbed up on top of him, nestling your head just below his chin as your legs rested between his on your couch. While your right hand slid up to grasp his shoulder, your left hand landed along his chest beside your face, fingers absently running along his bare, warm skin that felt amazing against your bloated abdomen. Matt’s own hands settled onto your lower back, his palms beginning to press in the exact right spot against your aching muscles. It was only a matter of seconds before your eyes were closing and you were sighing in relief and contentment. 

“You’re really, really good at that,” you whispered, relaxing into him beneath you.

“Sort of easy when I can hear your body that well,” he replied gently.

“And that made it weird,” you pointed out.

Beneath you, Matt let out a rumbling laugh that had you bouncing along him with the movement, which in turn had you giggling. Burying your face into his chest as you laughed, you felt his hands pause their movement to hold you tight to him, his nose nuzzling into your hair as his warm chuckle filled your ears. When both your laughter subsided, Matt placed a kiss into your hair before his hands resumed their movement on your back. You gradually eased back into him beneath you, your eyelids dropping. 

“You know,” Matt began, his tone catching your attention instantly, “I hear orgasms help relieve cramps.”

Your eyes instantly grew wide, your jaw dropping in response to what he’d just suggested. There was a rumble of laughter beneath you again as you raised your head from his chest, staring down at him in shock.

“Matthew!” you shrieked.

His eyes crinkled at the corners, his smile growing wider. “Oh that one warranted my full name, did it?” he teased.

Heat crept its way up your cheeks as you buried your face back into his chest. “Oh my God ,” you groaned, voice muffled.

“I’m just letting you know that I am more than happy to help,” he told you, amusement in his voice. “Just so you know for the future.”

“I am officially embarrassed and uncomfortable,” you mumbled, still hiding your heated face against him.

“I strongly believe that one day you’ll take me up on that,” he mused, his hands still working the muscles of your aching lower back. 

“Doubt it,” you disagreed.

He chuckled yet again, his hands managing to relax you back down from the topic of conversation. Slowly you shifted until your cheek was once again resting along his chest.

“Mmm,” Matt hummed out. “Guess we’ll see who’s right eventually.”

[justanamesstuff]

Tell Me When You're Ready - Matty Healy x f!reader

Based on 'When You're Ready' by Shawn Mendes

A/N: HELLO, THIS IS PURE PAIN IM SORRY! It's my first angsty fic so please tell me what you think :)) I'd say happy reading but...

Warning: ANGST, unrequited feelings, crying, fainting, slight mention of death. maybe typos, i checked but who know

Word count: 3.2 K

Blog Masterlist

Mhm, mhm

Maybe I had too many drinks

But that's just what I needed

I hope that you don't think that what I'm saying sounds conceited

When I look across the room, and you're staring right back at me

Like somebody told a joke and we're the only ones laughin'

The corner of the room was the only place secured enough to be at the moment. She couldn’t tear her eyes away, or her mind couldn’t stop thinking about them, about him. Her head clouded by his presence like never before. Missed him didn’t even scratch the surface of what she felt during those months. Hell, during those years he had been touring the world. Without her. 

A big gulp of the drink she nursed for the last few minutes, one of the countless glasses she held during the night. The self-pity bubbling on the back of her stomach. ‘He doesn’t care about you, he’s busy…with her’, she thought. 

Loving without reciprocation. What a cliché she was. If he knew, he would probably laugh about it. 

The glass empty, presented in front of her body, took the attention of her mind. A short break from a panoramic view of the party around the couple. It was like a film when the camera focus only on the protagonists and the rest of the room disappears. ‘Cliché again’, she mumbled. The awareness of being drunk didn’t stop her wants to keep going, to keep drinking until she blacked out. Cliché? Maybe a little emo from her. 

She forced her eyes up again. Something inside her wanted to watch the pair, to feel the pang on her heart knowing the girl standing beside him deserved his love. Well, a lie. She wasn’t his lover, but he loved her. She was part of his closest circle, although he had never thought about kissing her. Her want felt like a sin. Like a betrayal to their friendship. 

In a sudden movement, his eyes fell on her standing across the room, long meters away. She swore under her breath, watching his smile growing wider when the information reached his brain. He whispered on the woman’s ear. What does one feel when he does that? A tingling? A shivering around your limbs? She would kill to know. Yes, he had kissed her cheek. She stood a bit taller thinking about it, even when her feet were threatening to fail her. She knew the feeling of his lips on her cheeks, the texture of his hands holding her face closer to then left a sweet kiss on her forehead. But No, it wasn’t enough, she wanted the rest. All of it. All of him.

When Matty was in the middle of his path towards the other side of the room, she focused on the floor. The design on the marvel spiralling. She titled her head, looking at it. Her eyes refused to focus. She got so distracted by it, to the point of forgetting him walking closer to find her. 

“Hey, there you’re!” he was happy. Not drunk happy, just happy. Her heart fluttered, hearing his pitched voice closer. 

“Hi.”  she straightened her head up and back, meeting his eyes. 

“How long have you been hiding here?” 

“Not- Not hiding.” she hiccuped, Matty laughed. The sweet sound surrounding her like a warm hug during a cold night. 

Matty grabbed her by her arms, “Wow.” she didn’t recall moving. “I’d say hours and a good amount of alcohol.” he chuckled, although she couldn’t laugh. 

She felt the urge to leave, be far from him like never before.

“Sweetheart?” he asked, concerned. 

‘Sweetheart’. She wanted to slap him. He had his ‘sweetheart’ at the other side of the room, being perfect. If the woman was drunk, no one really noticed, no one could tell. On the other hand, she was a mess. Even with her mind gone, she could acknowledge it.

“Huh.” 

“Are you alright?”

“Perfect.” Fat lie.

“You don’t look…perfect.” she knew what he was trying to say, but her mind when to dark places first. 

She detached her arms from his calloused hands. “I’m alright, Matty.” the words harsher than intended. “How are you? Congratulations.”

Matty hesitated to answer, “I’m okay.” the answer unsure, his eyes following every one of her movements.

She felt her tongue moving, trying desperately, muttering words without sounds when the room started to move abruptly. Her body leaned forward closer to Matty’s. It was as if in any giving moment, her soul wanted to follow his. 

She heard Matty called her name before everything went black. 

Don't know why I tried

'Cause ain't nobody like you

Familiar disappointment every single time I do

Every single night my arms are not around you

My mind's still wrapped around you

The front of Matty’s door slammed, making him jump on his spot on the living’s room couch, thinking it was Denise ready to kick his ass for smoking inside or just smoking. His heart calmed down when his friend’s form appeared in front of his eyes. 

“Shit, dude! For a second, I th-” but his words died in his throat. Her face pale, wet and clearly upset, threw a dagger directly to his chest. “What’s wrong?”

Her eyes everywhere except looking at his. She tried to dry the tears streaming down, but they kept coming down like a waterfall. Her name on his lips, pleading for her to let him in. 

“He doesn’t love me.” Matty’s friend didn’t have to say the name, he knew. Oh man, he hated the twat more than doing what his mother told him. She deserved so much better.

“Sweetheart.” the half smoked cig left on the ashtray, walking as fast as possible closer to her shrunken body. “Come here.” his closed accent comforting her more than she ever imagined. She let her hands grab his clothes hiding Matty’s back, hanging from there as if her life depended on that. He was there, pushed against her front. They fit, they were perfect…at least for her. 

Matty held his friend. One hand on the back of her head, scratching her soft hair; and his other, palming softly, rhythmically her back. “I’m here, I’m here.” he was, and it was everything she needed. 

Baby, tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin'

Baby, any time you're ready

I'm waitin'

Even ten years from now

If you haven't found somebody

I promise, I'll be around

Tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin'

“Do you ever think about marriage?” she blurbed out without thinking. 

Matty laughed out loud at her question. The rest of the guys left hours before, she was crushing at his for the night, so they chose to spend a few more hours drinking and sharing a joint. The boy took the burning stick from her hands, trying to figure out if she was being serious. She was.

“What do you mean?”

Her eyes fell on his face behind the cloud of smoke he exuded. “Do think you would marry…in the future?”

“Not really.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause the band is my priority.”

“Yes, I know but-”

“I’m not thinking that far ahead.”

“Right.”

“I’d make you my best man, though.” Matty tried to joke, not being able to notice or sense her heart swell with the idea.

“I think smoking weed is making you blind.” she said, dry. “I’m a girl.”

“Yeah, I noticed…” Matty let his eyes wandered around her body lying down beside his. She should’ve felt heat under his gaze, but her skin was frozen. He was glancing at her like a piece of meat. She didn’t want that, she wanted more.

“Shut up.”

His eyes snapped back to life after a moment of being lost. He caught her eyes saying, “You’re my girl, you’re my man. You’re my everything. I love the guys but this…” his hand flying around their bodies. “This is different. I’m not sure if I can live without you.” she agreed in the same and such a different way.

“I’m not going anywhere…you are, rock star.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re coming with us. With me.” Matty let his hand extend to take hers, pushing it over his clothed heart. 

What if my dad is right

When he says that you're the one

No, I can't even argue

I won't even fight him on it

Call you when it's late

And I know that you're in bed

'Cause I'm three hours back

Seems like you're always six ahead

“Sweets.” his deep voice from across the room. 

“Yes, pops?” she walked closer, kneeling in front of his rocking chair. His face pale, losing all the colours life painted on his skin during the years. She wanted to cry, she didn’t let herself. 

His wrinkled hand finding the apple of her right cheek. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothin’ is, old man.”

“Your eyes are sad.” the affirmation took her aback hard. “What’s wrong?”

“I promise nothing is.” she took his hand between her owns. “I’m fine, you’re fine. We’re fine.” she laughed at her words nervously. 

“Where is the Elvis fan?”

She tried to keep her smile on her face when she asked, “Matty?”

“That one.” 

“He’s in Asia. Y’know, shows, tour, and everything a rock star does.” she said, standing up feeling his eyes on her face trying to read her. He was the only one with x-ray eyes. 

“He’s a good kid.” 

Matty would be stoked hearing her grandfather’s words. They were each other's fans. 

“Do you think he’s the one, sweets?” 

Her eyes shoot directly to his. The blue colour in them disappeared a little day by day, doctors said he was loosing his sight. Hard to believe when it was stronger than ever staring into her soul.

“What are you talkin’ about?” 

“He’s the one, isn’t he?”

“It’s- No, it’s- It’s not like that between us, okay?” she walked from side to side, trying to avoid the topic. The older man was wiser. 

“You want that. You love him.”

She chose to ignore him, giving him a simple explanation about starting lunch. The lingering sound of his knowing laugh following her around. 

*** 

Reading when your mind is full of feelings and worries is a difficult task to complete. She closed the book on her lap with a big huff. Her grandad was taking a nap, reason why she had enough time to let her thoughts invade her head. 

Her phone looking back at her a few meters away. She looked at it, resting her head on her palm. Her body pulled up from the porch’s stairs, walking anxiously around. ‘The old man is crazy’, she reasoned. ‘The sickness reached his brain’. 

Quickly as she stood up, the woman went to grab the device, tapping away until she was calling him. ‘He’ll see I’m not…Matty’s my friend.’, the repeated thought until Matty picked up with a sleepy voice.

“Missin’ me, sweetheart?” he said, making her heart explode. Shit.

“Not much as you.”

“How did you know?” Matty loved to teased her. Not expecting a real answer, he continued talking, “How’s he?” 

“Fuckin’ mental.” she pressed her foot hard into the grass like an angry kid. 

Don't know why I tried

'Cause ain't nobody like you

Familiar disappointment every single time I do

Every single night my arms are not around you

My mind's still wrapped around you

His concrete bunker hugging her. The house was quiet since she was the only one taking care of the place while he was away. She missed him, living inside his house for a few days wasn’t enough. 

Matty: Just landed. I’ll see you soon, sweetheart x 

She groaned at the screen. 

Baby, tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin'

Baby, any time you're ready

I'm waitin'

Even ten years from now

If you haven't found somebody

I promise, I'll be around

Tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin', yeah

“I asked her.”

He said just after she plopped down beside him on his fancy couch. 

“Ask who what?” she took a few chips from the pot. 

“I asked her…” he stressed the word more than she expected. “To marry me.”

Her heart skipped a few beets, her eyes wide. The chips got stucked on her throat, so she started coughing. Her body and soul drowning. 

Once she calmed down, after drinking half of her pint of beer, she exclaimed, “You did what?”

Matty laughed at her, thinking she was only surprised. He was surprised even. 

“I asked her to marry me. I'm finally going to make you my best man.” 

His words crushing her heart like it was nothing. 

“I- I- I don’t know what to say.” she looked at his eyes. He was happy and she wanted to die.

“Congratulations maybe?”

“Did she say yes?”

Matty scoffed, “Of course she said yes! It’s me!”

“Of course she said yes…” she repeated like a crazy woman. 

“Oh, c’mon! Be happy for me!” he urged her.

“I…” what could she do in a moment like that? Just lie. “I’m happy, Matty!” 

“Hug me!” 

“Is she really sure to marry a needy boy like you?” the only way out was a joke. 

“You think you’re so witty and funny.” Matty’s voice dripping sarcasm. “Close your mouth and hug me.”

And she did.

“I can’t believe it.” she whispered into his shoulder. The mix of cigarettes and his cologne taking over her senses. 

“Hey,” he moved back. “This…” Matty flew his hand between them. “This is not going away because I’m marrying her, okay?”

‘I’m sure everything is going to change’, she thought.

“I know, Matty.”

He brought her back into his chest, where she just wanted to stay forever. 

And if I have to, I'll wait forever (yeah)

Say the word and I'll change my plans

Yeah, you know that we fit together

I know your heart like the back of my hand

“Here you are.” she exclaimed after turning around the last corner of the fancy hotel. 

Matty didn’t move a muscle, smoking his cigarette, being unaware of his family and friends looking for the groom. 

“Here I am.” he hit a small stone with his shoe. 

She let all the anger left her body when she noticed his struggle. 

“Everything alright?” her voice cut the short silence that fell between them. 

“Yes. No. I don’t even know, sweetheart.” 

Her body moving closer, she couldn’t help it. “Matt-” 

“What if this is a mistake?”

“Matty.”

“What if marrying her tomorrow…it’s the biggest mistake of my life, and y’know I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I can’t-” she watched him brush his hair back anxiously.

“Matthew.”

“Is this a mistake?” he looked at her. 

She had the answer ready at the tip of her tongue, she wanted to beg for him not to say ‘I do’. Selfishness wasn’t part of her list of characteristics. 

“Matty.” his hands were cold, the night air brought goosebumps to her skin. “Look at me.” she stood in front of him. “This is not a mistake. You love her, and she- she loves you.” the singer smile for the first time. “Even if this is a mistake, only time will tell. Do you want to marry her?” she dared to ask.

“Yes.” he muttered.

“Then that’s all that matters, Matty.”

“What would I do without you?” the lights outside reflecting on his beautiful eyes. They showed so much care for her. It warmed and crushed her beating heart.

“Survive. Now you’ll have a wife for all this.”

“No. This-” Matty went to move his hand, but she stopped him.

“Stop with that.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know you’re…it’s not real, Matty.” her eyes look softly into his. 

He wanted to ask her, to protest even, although someone ran closer to them.

“Fuck me!” George swore behind them. “He’s here!” he shouted back to someone. 

So baby, tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin'

Baby, any time you're ready

I'm waitin', yeah

“Matthew, do you take…” the old man between the couple started to say. “To be your lawfully wedded wife? Do promise to love and cherish her, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” he said, the whole church erupted into applauses as if they were one of the band’s crowd at a show. 

She didn’t feel like it was real. It was done. He was officially married to someone else, and she was going to witness his love from the side. Realization hit her.

Even ten years from now

If you haven't found somebody

I promise, I'll be around

Tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin', yeah

Baby, tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin', yeah

Baby, any time you're ready

I'm waitin', oh

Even ten years from now

If you haven't found somebody

I promise, I'll be around

Tell me when you're ready

She opened her eyes, staring at the white ceiling above her. The light was too bright, and her mouth felt like she swallowed a big chunk of ashes. 

Someone said her name, the sound silenced by her disoriented mind. Her head turned slowly, looking at Matty sitting on the floor. 

Her name on his lips once more. His lips moving, although the sound didn’t reach her ears. He pushed her hair to the side, furrowing his eyes…worried. 

“I’m fine.” she said. “What happened?” she tried to blink away the sickness taking over her body.

“You fainted, sweetheart.” 

Her eyes closed tight, cringing visibly, “Fuck.” 

“You almost gave me a heart attack, too.”

“Drama queen.”

“You fainted at my wedding, sweets.”

The nickname functioning as a calling for her eyes to return to Matty’s. He called her so many times ‘sweetheart’ she was used to it. On the other hand, no one except pops called her ‘sweets’. Her hearth swelling painfully, she lost every important man of her life. 

“Hey, hey…” Matty noticed the change on her factions. “It’s fine. We only care about you, nothing else.”

‘We, as him and her’, she reminded herself.

“I’m fine.” she tried to push her body up but the room was moving quicker, she had to lay down once more. Her eyes shielded from the outside world by her arm.

“No so fast.” Matty helped her. 

She supposed they were somewhere around the hotel. The party, his party. The weeding, Matty’s wedding at the other side of the closed door. 

“You should go, Matty.” he started protesting, even though she shushed him. “I’ll be fine. I promise I won’t move from here. I’ll call you if I need you, okay?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” she was far from that. She wanted to keep him inside the room with her. “I’ll live. This is just another drunk story. Don’t worry.” the lies dropping faster than she could stop her mouth.

“I’ll come to check on you.”

“Fine.” she agreed, not really believing his words.

“See you in a bit, sweetheart.”

“Mhm.”

A tear rolled from her eyes after the door closed. She focused on it travelling down the side of her head, trying not to think or feel any more.

I'm waitin', I'm waitin' 

*********

[eviebakes]

'til morning comes

Summary: In the twilight years of gunslingers and outlaws, Mattie is used to being on her own—and then she meets Flora.

Word Count: ~4.5K

Warnings: Violence, Explicit Language

A/N: This story was inspired by @drizzledrawings amazing cowbians art, which you should definitely go check out!! Mattie and Flora are their characters, but hopefully I did these two cowboys justice 🤠 The title is from Tessellate by alt-j. Thank you so much for reading!

__________________

Mattie stood beneath the shade of an oak tree, an unlit cigarette between her lips.

She patted her pockets, biting back a sigh when the search failed to yield any matches.

Damn. Mattie tilted her head skyward, lifting her hat and pushing her bangs back into her hair.

Dark clouds loomed on the horizon, hinting at the promise of rain. Somewhere overhead, a hawk screeched.

June grazed nearby, just visible through the trees. Mattie debated calling her over so she could look through the saddle bags before quickly dismissing the idea.

She’d resupply when she got the chance. Maybe stop at that muddy little town she’d ridden past this morning and grab a hot meal while she was at it.

Later though.

Now, it was time to rob some bastard blind.

Mattie hummed beneath her breath as she strode through the trees, her hand brushing against the worn leather of her holster. The ground, still wet from last night’s rain, sunk beneath her boots with every step.

She found a good vantage spot on the edge of the road and tucked herself against a tree, half-obscured by the surrounding foliage.

A covered wagon rolled past, a man and woman arguing loudly over supplies. Then, a group of men on horseback, all of them grim faced and armed to the teeth.

Mattie waited patiently, biding her time.

Experience had taught her that it was better to wait for the right target. Even if there were less lawmen in this part of the country, picking the wrong person could lead to trouble.

Mattie straightened from her lean when a woman appeared down the road sitting astride a piebald horse, a white hat pulled low over her face.

Mattie eyed her consideringly—but to her surprise, the woman raised her head and looked straight at her.

Their eyes met. The woman gave her a once-over and smiled, touching the brim of her hat as she rode past. After a moment’s hesitation, Mattie returned the gesture and resumed her vigil.

Half an hour passed before another single rider appeared. A man this time, unarmed and covered in road dust.

Perfect.

“Help me,” Mattie gasped, limping out of the brush and stumbling to the ground in front of him. “Oh, God—please help me!”

“Whoa!” The man pulled his horse to a stop and dismounted, eyeing her warily. “What’s wrong, miss?”

“I-it’s my ankle,” she whimpered, clutching at her foot. “Somethin’ is wrong with my ankle!”

He hesitantly took a step closer, the watch chain on his vest glinting in the sun. “What happened?”

“My horse bucked me and r-ran off into the woods,” Mattie panted. “Please, mister. Can you help me find him?”

He shifted on his feet, seemingly torn between pity and suspicion. But Mattie was a good liar and, after several days of traveling, she didn’t have to feign dishevelment.

“Please,” she said, her voice cracking, and his expression finally softened. Got you.

“Here, let’s get you up,” he said, crouching beside her. “We’ll find your horse, miss.”

He helped her to stand and, as soon as she put weight on her foot, Mattie pretended to stumble into him.

Her fingers skimmed against the watch chain right as he moved to catch her, causing her hand to knock into his stomach. Shit.

Before she could play it off, he grabbed her wrist. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Let go of me!” Mattie snapped, dropping all pretense.

Her free hand went to her holster when he only tightened his grip. “I should’ve known better! You’re nothing more than a goddamn—"

They both froze when a horse appeared down the road at a full gallop, heading straight for them.

The man released her with a curse, and Mattie dove away as the rider desperately pulled back on the reigns to avoid them.

The horse reared, the rider tumbling off the saddle and hitting the ground with a cry.

The man rushed over to help, and Mattie took advantage of the distraction to crawl into the undergrowth. Breathless, she peered through the leaves to watch the scene unfold.

“Miss! Miss, are you okay?”

“I-I think so. J-just a little shaken.”

“Here, let me help you sit up. Careful now—take it slow.”

Mattie narrowed her eyes. It was the same brunette who’d ridden past earlier. Why’d she come back this way…?

“Thank you, sir,” she said as the man helped her up, hastily offering an arm when she swayed unsteadily on her feet. “I truly appreciate your kindness.”

“If anything, I should be thanking you. You interrupted some ugly business—a would-be thief trying to rob me.”

“How awful!”

She clutched the man’s arm more tightly, and the sleight of hand was so subtle, so natural, that Mattie almost thought she’d imagined it.

But no—the woman smoothly tucked the watch up her shirtsleeve a moment later, her eyes never once leaving the man’s face. “I’m lucky I ran into you instead—I could’ve been in even more trouble!”

Unlike Mattie’s fumbled attempt at pickpocketing, the man didn’t so much as blink. “Don’t worry, now. She seems to have scampered off in the chaos.”

“Thank goodness for that! The roads can so unsafe sometimes.”

Mattie ground her teeth, fuming at the turn of events. This had to be a damn joke.

But as the man helped her onto the horse, the brunette turned to look right at the spot where Mattie had concealed herself—a flash of dark, mischievous eyes.

And then she winked.

What. The. FUCK.

_________

A few hours later found Mattie at the saloon, nursing a lukewarm beer while she sulked.

What a waste of a day. Hours spent staking out a decent spot along the road, and nothing to show for it but a bruised ego. She’d been outmaneuvered and out—out thieved, and it pissed her off to no end.

She took an angry gulp of beer, slamming down the bottle in a futile effort to relieve some of the frustration prickling beneath her skin.

No one paid her any mind. It was late afternoon, and the saloon was blessedly empty save for a few men playing poker.

Tomorrow, she’d start fresh. Ride to that town north of here and rob any easy targets she found along the way.

Tonight though, Mattie just wanted to forget the whole shitty day.

She drank her way through several more beers while the saloon slowly filled with people, the wall lights flickering to life as the sunlight faded. Carts and stagecoaches rumbled past outside, joining the piano music and the hum of conversation.

One of the poker players sidled up to the bar, squeezing into the open spot beside her. He was around her age, his hair slicked back with too much pomade.  

He ordered a whiskey, subtly glancing at her while the bartender filled a glass for him. Mattie ignored him, keeping her gaze forward.

She bit back a sigh when he fully twisted to face her. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore—"

“Not interested,” Mattie broke in flatly, not even bothering to look at him.

“I’m just trying to have a conv—”

“Get. Lost.”

His ears reddened, but there were too many people around for him to do more than shoot her a dirty look. “You aren’t that pretty anyways.”

“Good one. Very original,” Mattie said beneath her breath as he staggered away.

“Right? A real charmer,” someone said at her elbow.

Mattie tensed. It was the brunette—smiling at her like they were the best of friends. “You.”

“Me,” she agreed easily, resting her arms on the bar and nodding at the empty bottles. “Tough day, huh?”

“No thanks to you,” Mattie hissed accusingly, jabbing a finger at her. “You robbed me.”

“I thought about robbing you, but you didn’t look like you had much.”

She gaped. “You serious?”

“No, I’m Flora.”

“You—that’s not—!” Mattie pressed her lips together, glowering. “So…so you just came here to gloat then?”

“I came here for a drink, sunshine.”

Sunshine…? Mattie mouthed stupidly, her glare faltering. It was like she’d encountered a whirlwind—one that was two steps ahead of her.

“This was the closest town in riding distance,” Flora said, gesturing at the sunflower on Mattie’s hat in answer to her unspoken question. “And I was gonna rob the first good target I ran into out there. Don’t read too much into it.”

Her voice was friendly, but lacked the flirtatiousness from the road. It’d just been part of the act, like pretending to fall off her horse or Mattie’s damsel in distress ploy.

“Well aren’t you good at what you do,” Mattie said, like she had a mouthful of marbles.

“Awful sweet of you for noticing,” Flora said, grinning when she rolled her eyes. “Tell you what. Your next round is on me.”

“No thanks,” Mattie said, scowling. “I don’t need your pity.”

“Hey, if I feel bad for anyone, it’s that poor bastard from earlier.” Flora leaned closer, one of her braids sliding over her shoulder and grazing Mattie’s arm. “He was the one getting robbed today, one way or another.”

A laugh bubbled from the back of her throat. Mattie barely managed to turn it into a cough because—yeah, she had a point. “Just one drink.”

“That’s the spirit,” Flora said cheerfully, catching the bartender’s attention and tossing a few coins on the bar.

“But this doesn’t make us friends,” Mattie added, catching the drink Flora slid her way.

“Whatever you say,” Flora agreed amicably, clinking their bottles together. “Cheers.”

She waited until Mattie took a sip, smiling with the lip of the bottle still pressed to her mouth. “That wasn’t so bad, was—"

“Hey,” someone interrupted loudly. They simultaneously looked over their shoulders. “Hey, you. Irish.”

“Oh good,” Flora said lightly, turning and propping a hip against the bar. “Mr. Charmer is back for another round."

“Course he is.” Mattie clenched her jaw, twisting to face the man. “What do you want now?”

It took him a full second to focus on her. “I want to know what your problem is.”

“My problem is that I’m tryin’ to have a peaceful evenin’, and you keep botherin’ me.”

“I’m just trying to be friendly.” He leaned closer, his breath making her nose crinkle. “What, you’re too good for a conversation?”

“Is that what you call this?” Mattie looked at him coolly, her lip curling. “If you want to talk so badly, go pay someone for it.”

He flushed a dark red when Flora snickered, something ugly flashing across his face. “You really think you’re better than me, huh.”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t go that far, but at least I don’t spend my time harassin’ folk and—what was that other part again?”

She pretended to mull it over before snapping her fingers. “Oh right. I don’t smell like fucking pig shit.”

Mattie raised her bottle in a sarcastic salute and turned back toward the bar, already anticipating his next move.

Sure enough, he grabbed her arm and tugged her toward him. “We aren’t done talk—"

The words cut off in a howl of pain when Mattie deftly flipped her bottle and smashed it against his face. He stumbled backwards and tripped over a chair, taking another man down with him as he fell.

The uproar was immediate. A few people ran for the exit, but the drunkest men joined the fray—hooting and hollering as they laid into one another.

Mattie didn’t wait to see the outcome. She sidestepped two brawling men and beelined it toward the exit, dodging neatly out of the way when someone ran past with a chair and threw it through the window with a whoop.

She’d almost reached the saloon doors when a hand clamped down on her arm and yanked her backwards.

Mattie twisted, catching a flash of Pig Shit’s bloodied face right before he plowed her in the cheek.

She spun with the force of the blow, tasting blood as pain erupted across her entire face. Mattie barely avoided his next few swings, landing a single punch before he decked her again.

Her vision went white. She flew into a table and crashed to the floor, shot glasses and bottles raining down around her.

Mattie struggled to her knees, shards of glass digging into her skin. Pig Shit’s boots appeared in her line of vision, the leather worn and muddied.

“Not so superior now, huh,” he sneered, kicking aside her hat as she spat out blood. “Bet you’re regretting that smart mouth of your—"

He staggered when something connected with his head, his expression frozen in surprise for the briefest second before he crumpled in a heap.

“With a mouth that big, he’s sure one to talk,” Flora said disdainfully, tossing aside the broken table leg while Mattie gaped at her. “Come on, sunshine—on your feet.”

“I’m surprised you’re still here,” Mattie panted as Flora hauled her up and pushed her hat into her hands. “Figured you’d be long gone.”

“Well, you’re glad I’m not, right?” Flora retorted, her gaze locking onto something across the bar. Mattie wiped at her bloody lip and looked over her shoulder.

Two of the poker players—likely Pig Shit’s buddies—were shoving their way through the crowd in their direction.

“Can you run?” Flora asked urgently, grasping her wrist.

“I think so.”

“Then run,” she ordered, already tugging Mattie towards the exit.

They shouldered through the saloon doors and raced across the street, Flora leading them into a dark alleyway between a row of buildings and a fence where several people were loitering.

Without warning, Flora pulled off her hat and crowded her against the wall, pinning their hats between them.

“What’re you doin’,” Mattie hissed as Flora casually wrapped her arms around her waist. “This is the opposite of runnin’.”

“It’s called hiding in plain sight,” Flora whispered, settling into the embrace. She was a few inches shorter than Mattie, her temple fitting perfectly in the curve of her jaw. “Play along.”

Mattie bit back a retort when footsteps echoed down the alley, bowing her head as the men ran past—but young lovers hiding in the shadows was nothing unusual, and they didn’t so much as spare them a glance.

Flora stepped away as soon as the footsteps receded, placing her hat on her head. “Where’s your horse? You might be able to sneak away without them noticing.”

Mattie rested against the wall, biting back a wince while she probed at her cheek. Her left eye was already swollen shut. “The only place I’m goin’ tonight is a hotel.”

“Right,” Flora said, drawing out the word into multiple syllables and somehow injecting skepticism in all of them. “And you’re doing that why…?”

“’Cause they’ll be expectin’ me to jump town tonight,” Mattie explained. “Better to hunker down now and head out early.”

“That’s…actually pretty smart.”

She sounded insultingly impressed. Mattie huffed. “Give me some credit here.”

“The hotel is just around the corner,” Flora said, ignoring her. “We should head there now before our new friends decide to come calling again.”

Mattie looked at her sharply. “We?”

“You’re not the only one in danger,” Flora said, her tone losing some of the levity that’d been there all night. “They’ll be looking for me too.”

Mattie shook her head, too tired to argue. “Fine, but you’re not—"

“—your friend,” she broke in, raising an eyebrow. “I know.”

“No, that’s not—” Mattie put on her hat and pulled some coins from her pocket, pushing them into Flora’s hand. “I was gonna say that you don’t need to pay for the rooms since it’s my fault you’re in this mess.”

Flora gazed down at her palm for a moment, looking taken aback for the first time that day. Her eyes were bright when she glanced up, a smile tugging at her lips. “Thanks, partner.”

Mattie grunted and made her way toward the street. Flora fell into step beside her, undeterred. “Buddy?”

“No.”

“Pal?”

“Ugh.”

She thought for a moment before snapping her fingers. “Compadre.”

“Don’t push your luck,” Mattie warned without heat, tilting her hat down to hide her smile when Flora just laughed.

“Maybe you should stay here,” Flora suggested when they reached the hotel. Light spilled through the windows, casting flickering shadows across her face. “You might, uh—”

Mattie snorted, sinking into a squat beside the water barrel sitting on the edge of the hotel porch. “Draw some attention?”

“Just a little,” Flora agreed. She hesitated, then untied the red bandana from her neck and held it out. “Here, sunshine. Your lip is bleeding again.”

“Mattie,” she corrected, gratefully accepting the piece of cloth. She realized Flora was staring at her after a second. “My name’s Mattie.”

“Mattie,” Flora said slowly, like she was testing the weight on her tongue. “It suits you.”

She looked up, caught off guard by the sincerity in her voice. Flora was already walking away, her boots clunking softly across the wood.

Mattie exhaled and pressed the bandana to her mouth. It smelled like clean linen and something slightly floral.

She closed her eye and leaned her head against the barrel, breathing in the scent of water-soaked wood. Her face throbbed, the pressure almost unbearable around her eye socket.

Someone was humming nearby, the tune fading in and out. A horse walked past on the street, its hooves thudding against the packed dirt road.

Mattie didn’t realize she’d dozed off until someone touched her shoulder. She jerked away, her hand shooting to her knife, but it was just Flora.

She pushed unsteadily to her feet. “We good?”

“Kinda. They only had one room left,” Flora said, trading a key and the remaining coins for her bandana. “You alright with sharing for the night?”

Mattie shrugged one shoulder. “If you wanted me dead, you’ve had a few chances.”

“And we’ve already established you have nothing worth robbing,” Flora joked, moving toward the hotel entrance.

“That too,” she said dryly, tipping her hat over her face as they passed the front desk and climbed a creaky set of stairs.

The room was surprisingly spacious, with a lit hearth and two neatly made beds.

Flora opened the window while Mattie tossed her hat onto the closest bed and went over to the washstand.

She pulled a towel from the rack and poured water into the basin, wincing when she caught sight of her reflection. Shit.

Flora was watching her when she turned around, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. “That’s looking pretty bad.”

“Feels worse,” Mattie muttered, sitting on her bed and balancing the basin on her lap.

She wet the cloth, pausing when Flora stepped in front of her and touched her wrist.

“Let me help you with that,” she offered softly, waiting until Mattie gave a terse nod before sliding the cloth from her hand.

Flora retrieved the chair from the corner of the room and sat down, shifting forward until her knee bumped into her thigh. Mattie tensed when she grasped her chin, her fingers cool against her overheated skin.

“So, ‘peaceful evening,’ huh,” Flora said, dabbing the cloth against her lip. “I hate to see when you really let loose.”

“I doubt you could handle it,” Mattie said more airily than she felt, her eye darting to Flora’s face when she laughed.

“Oh, I think what I can handle would surprise you,” she said lightly, her fingertips sliding across Mattie’s jaw as she turned her face—the pale imitation of a tender touch.

“Why’re you helpin’ me so much?” Mattie demanded, feeling suddenly defensive.

Flora glanced at her through her lashes, a ghost of a smile on her lips. “Maybe I have a soft spot for underdogs.”

She bristled. “I’m not a charity case.”

“And I’m not your enemy,” Flora said quietly, her thumb resting on the soft underside of Mattie’s chin. “Besides, everyone needs a little help now and then—even tough cowboys like you.”

Flora dipped the cloth in the basin and ran the cloth over her swollen cheek, the motion achingly gentle—and Mattie abruptly realized the answer to her own question.

Kind. Flora was helping her because she was kind.

Mattie shot Flora a subtle glance, her eye moving from the furrow of concentration between her brows to the soft curve of her face.

Flora lifted her arm to inspect the cuts left behind from the broken glass, the motion causing Mattie’s knuckles to skim against her shirt.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, followed by the soft patter of raindrops against the window. A gust of wind fluttered the curtains, filling the room with the scent of rain.

“There,” Flora said after securing a makeshift bandage over the deepest cut, sitting back in the chair as she surveyed her handiwork. “Good as new.”

“Just about,” Mattie said, cradling her arm to her chest. She hunched in on herself when Flora smiled, the skin at the corner of her eyes crinkling. “What?”

“You aren’t so tough, are you? You just need someone to look after you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Mattie muttered, her cheeks warming. She picked at a thread on her pants as Flora stood and stretched her arms over her head. “Hey, uh…”

Flora looked at her, letting her arms drop to her sides.

“Thank you.” Her eye darted to Flora and away again. “For everythin’.”

Mattie stared fixedly at the peeling wallpaper, but she could still feel Flora’s smile. “You’re welcome.”

_________

Mattie woke early the next morning, her entire face aching.

She stared blearily at the ceiling, breathing through the pain for a few minutes before sitting up and pulling on her boots.

It was still dark out, the only light coming from the dying embers of the fire. Mattie put on her hat, glancing at where Flora was sprawled across the other bed. For a moment, she thought about leaving her.

The impulse faded as quickly as it had come. It would’ve been a shit way to repay her kindness.

“Flora,” she said quietly, touching her shoulder. Flora sat up, instantly—enviably—awake. “We should go before the sun is up.”

They left the hotel a few minutes later and retrieved their horses from the hitching post in front of the saloon, following the road northeast until the town had disappeared behind them.

The ground was still wet from the rain, mud splattering onto their boots while they rode and a cool breeze ruffling their hair.

When the town was several miles behind them, they paused beside a river to refill their canteens while the first glint of sunlight pressed through the trees.

“Your horse is beautiful,” Flora said, shaking her hair loose from its ties and redoing her braids. “She seems so sweet.”

“Looks can be deceivin’,” Mattie said with a snort, glancing at where June was drinking from the river. “Tamin’ her cost me a sprained ankle and two cracked ribs. June’s a feisty one.”

“Just like her rider,” Flora teased, grinning when Mattie scoffed. She swept her braids over her shoulder and nodded at her horse. “Meanwhile, Bandit would gladly sell my soul for a peppermint.”

Mattie released a startled laugh. “Everyone has their price.”

“Oh! Speaking of...” Flora rummaged in her saddle bag and tossed Mattie a small sack. “Your cut.”

“My cut?” Mattie frowned and opened the bag, nearly choking when she saw the contents. “Where the hell you get this?”

“From the saloon,” Flora said innocently, her eyes shining. “I took the liberty of robbing the place blind after the fight broke out.”

Mattie gaped at her. “But why are you givin’ me half your share?”

“Because you started the fight.”

“You are somethin’ else,” Mattie said, shaking her head and stowing the money in her saddle bags. “How’d you get so good at stealin’, anyways?”

“Lots of practice,” Flora said, looking pleased as punch. She pulled a cigarette from her pocket and lit it, inhaling deeply. “Your brand of chaos isn’t half bad either.”

Warmth flooded her cheeks. Matie retrieved a cigarette too, more for something to do with her hands than because she wanted a smoke.

She put the cigarette between her lips and patted her pockets for a match before abruptly remembering the previous day.  

“Goddammit,” she sighed, shaking her head when Flora looked at her questioningly. “I meant to pick up matches in town, but then—”

“You picked a fight instead?”

“Well—yes, but—” Mattie smiled winningly, the cigarette still between her lips. “These things happen.”

“For some more than others, I imagine,” she laughed, exhaling a cloud of smoke from the side of her mouth. “Come here.”

Flora leaned forward, tilting up her face so the ends of their cigarettes touched. Her eyes flickered up for a breath, the light catching on her face.

Mattie had spent time in Arizona before realizing how much she’d preferred the plains and forests to the unyielding heat of a semi-desert, but the land out there had been something special.

The ring of color around Flora’s pupil was the exact same shade as the rocks had been in the soft light of morning, a richness and depth of color that faded into the same warm tones found in coffee or the earth.

And then Flora straightened, leaving Mattie to take a deep, shaky drag of her cigarette.

She held the smoke in her lungs before releasing it through her nose. “So, where’re you headed next?”

“I was thinking of going to a town about twenty miles north of here,” Flora said, flicking cinders from the end of her cigarette.

“I know the place,” Mattie said, cutting her eye to the side. “It’s more of a proper city than this dump was.”

“Exactly.” Flora grinned, propping a hand on her hip. “Lots of places for folks to drop some money or lose some valuables.”

Mattie chuckled. “Oh, I’m sure.”

“What about you?” Flora asked once they’d finished their cigarettes and had mounted their horses. “More bar fights in your future?”

“Not for the time bein,’ no,” Mattie said, leaning down to stroke June’s neck. “I was plannin’ on headin’ north too. You know, if you don’t mind ridin’ together for a bit.”

“That depends.” Flora tilted her head, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You always this much trouble?”

“Sometimes,” Mattie admitted, leaning forward in the saddle. “But I can usually make it worth your while.”

“Somehow I don’t doubt it,” Flora said, her smile as bright as the new day. “Lead on, sunshine.”

Mattie ducked her head to hide her own smile, facing the horizon.

Together, they rode towards it.

[mattybraps10]

I Can See You | Brendan Brisson x Hughes!OC

Summary: Phoebe accidentally grabs Brendan's shirt for the lake and the day goes downhill from there. Plus, another special guest is coming to join them over the summer.

Word Count: 1072

By: M

Parts: part one | part three | part four | part five

PART TWO:

“Excuse me?” Jack cut in, offended.

“Yeah- Wait. She’s done WHAT before?!” Luke added.

“Guys relax, it was one time… If I recall correctly someone may have spilled their drink on me” She said, nudging Brendan.

“More than once…” Brendan cut in, fucking with Phoebe.

“More than once… huh Pheebs? Something you wanna share with the class?” Quinn said, laughing. 

When Quinn laughed, Phoebe relaxed. None of the boys actually thought anything had happened between Phoebe and Brendan, but it was always enjoyable to poke fun at their little sister. 

“Sure, Lil’ Hughes has been around my closet plenty of times.” Brendan said, laughing and climbing into the boat.

“Yeah. Okay Briss.” Jack said, patting Brendan on the back, and sitting next to him.

Quinn sat behind the wheel as she joined the boys on the boat. Luke pushed us from the dock. Phoebe sat at the front, hoping to get a bit of sun on our drive. Brendan sat with Luke and Jack at the back of the boat, laughing and grabbing snacks from the bag he’d brought. Phoebe put on her sunglasses, closing her eyes and laying against the seat as the boys bickered behind her. 

“Bro- She’s totally asleep.” Luke called to the back of the boat, standing over Phoebe.

“How are we supposed to get her back to the house? I mean I’m not carrying her, not after last time.” Jack said, jumping off the boat. The last time Jack had tried to carry sleeping Phoebe, she’d woken up causing them both to fall into the grass. 

“Y’all are weak. I’ll just do it.” Brendan said, trying to avoid another fight.

He scooped the sleeping girl into his arms, wrapping her limbs around him as he stepped onto the dock. Still asleep, she nestled her face into his neck.

“Oh my god. She’s gonna be pissed when she sees that!” Quinn said after noticing that Jack had taken a picture of the loving scene. “Lake highlights!” Luke called, recalling the time Phoebe had posted a photo of him asleep on the boat.

“Hey Huggy, send that to me, yeah?” Brendan asked, smiling.

“What? Wanna study it or something?” Quinn said, laughing.

“This is definitely the closest he’s ever been to a woman. Probably wants to remember it forever.” Jack added as the boys, save Brendan, burst into laughter.

“Woman? I hadn’t noticed.” Brendan said, walking back to the house.

“Don’t let her hear you say that.” Luke called after him.

“Yeah, she’ll kick your ass. I mean there’s a reason we keep our teasing light.” Quinn laughed as he walked through the sliding door.

Brendan carefully placed Phoebe into his bed, opting against invading her space by going through her room. The girl curled into the blankets, draping an arm around the standing boy. Had she been awake, Brendan would’ve made a joking comment about their past, but her peaceful face reminded him of what he’d lost.

“Okay Hughesy, I’m gonna go back to the kitchen with your brothers. Let me know if you need anything.” He smiled, mostly to himself and removing her arm from around him.

“Yo, Briss! Took you long enough.” Jack laughed as Brendan entered the room. 

“What can I say? The ladies love me.” He replied, a smirk covering his face.

“Still my sister dude, ew.” Jack said, disgust evident on his face.

“Y'all, is it okay if I invite Matty to visit for a few days?” Luke said, walking into the kitchen and easing the tension.

“Hell yeah! I’ve missed him.” Brendan replied, grinning.

“Sure man, do we have the space? I mean mom and dad’s room is off limits so we only have four rooms…” Jack said, trying to figure out the sleeping arrangements.

“I mean someone’s gonna have to share, why don’t you just move into my room Rowdy?” Luke asked, ratifying the situation.

“Oh hell no. You snore,” Jack replied, “No one wants to deal with that.” 

“Sorry, bro.” Brendan replied when Luke gave him an expectant look.

“Hey Quinner!” Luke called across the room as his older brother walked into the kitchen, hair wet from a shower.

“What’s up Moosey?” Quinn said, grabbing a gato from the fridge.

“Will you room with Jack so Matty can visit for a bit?” Luke asked, a pleading look in his eyes.

“Absolutely not. I’m the oldest, I want my room to myself. Sorry bro.” Quinn uncapped his drink and took a sip.

“Briss?” Luke asked, turning to his last resort.

“Look, I mean I don’t mind sharing a room.” He shrugged, turning to Jack.

“Hold on. My room has one bed… Not happening buddy.” 

“Well that settles it then, no Matty.” Luke sighed, defeated.

“Hold on guys.” Phoebe said, walking into the kitchen, still clad in her bathing suit.

“The princess awakens from her slumber.” Brendan said, holding his arm out as dramatically as possible.

“What if your friend just sleeps on the couch in my room? I mean I have the biggest room.” She said, shrugging as if it was that simple.

“No way in hell I’m leaving you in a room with him,” Brendan cut in, “guys?”

“I mean she’s right, it’s not like they’re sharing the bed or anything.” Luke replied.

“Yeah, loosen up Briss it’ll be fine.” Jack smiled, patting him on the back.

“Phoebe doesn’t even know Matty, I should take the couch. He can have my room.” Brendan said, not willing to admit defeat.

“Brendan. I can handle myself.” Phoebe said, shocked that he’d insinuate anything different.

“I know you can, I’m just looking out for you. That’s what friends are for.” She visibly recoiled as the last sentence left his mouth.

“Whatever.” She replied, coldly, walking into her room.

“What just happened?” Luke asked as she closed the door.

“I don’t know.” Jack and Quinn said at the same time.

“I think I need a beer.” Brendan said, as the boys looked at him expectantly.

“Okay. Be like that then.” Luke said, handing him a beer from the fridge.

“What do you expect me to say? I’m just as confused as you guys.” Brendan said, taking a swig and leaning against the counter.

“Okay. Sure. Just go pack up your stuff, Matty’s coming tomorrow. We gotta wash your sheets tonight.” Luke said, a clear dismissal.

“Gotcha man. Give me twenty and I’ll have the sheets in the wash.” Brendan said, saluting to the brothers.

[olympeline]

FrUK FACE family Parent Trap AU, part 9! Part 1

Last time: shock! Horror! Alfred, and by extension the whole scheme, just got rumbled! By Uncle Gil of all people! Who could have seen it coming? Not Alfred. But then he hasn’t known Gilbert long. Under that nutty exterior tick-tick-ticks a surprisingly sharp mind. Gilbert had been suspicious almost from the start. He didn’t say anything because that’s not his way. But now things have gone on long enough that even Gilbert has to step in. If for no other reason than he needs some news of Mattie.

So, under threat of an immediate call to Francis, Alfred is forced to confess all. They sit down over delicious and nutritious frosting sandwiches and Alfred tearfully confessses all that’s gone down since the twins were reunited. Everything from their chance meeting to their time living the other’s identity. Gilbert doesn’t let him off the hook, prodding for details and making Al show him his phone so he can confirm what’s been said. Alfred burns with embarrassment when Gilbert scans some of his early descriptions of him (the words “freaky” “weird” and “totally batshit” may or may not have been used) but Gil doesn’t comment. The let up in the grilling (gilling?) is when Gilbert sees a picture of Arthur in his conservative dad clothes.

“HA!! Mein gott, that’s precious! Old punkass, slutbag Kirkland turned into a right old tory, huh kid?”

“What’s a tory?”

“Ask your dad. He dresses like one of their rentboys.”

“What’s a rentboy?”

Gilbert changed the subject after that. To what the two of them intented to do now. How long were they planning to keep this up? What were they hoping to achieve? Alfred just shrugs helplessly. They weren’t really hoping anything. He tells Gilbert they just wanted to get to know the other half of their family. Finding the missing piece that’s always been there for both of them. Gilbert listens, takes another look at Alfred’s phone, then gives it back. Alfred sees it’s open on a selfie of Mattie and Arthur. Matthew has an Alfred-style big, sunny beam. Even after playing his brother for weeks, Mattie isn’t a good enough actor to fake it to such an extent. Gilbert knows him well enough to see that.

Alfred haltingly asks what Gilbert’s going to do now. Gilbert is quiet for a long time. Then he shakes his head, grins, and ruffles Alfred’s hair.

“I’m no snitch, kaulquappe, and I always thought what your dads did was moronic. I can’t imagine doing nothing after finding out what you did. Hell, if it were me and Lud I would have done the same. So don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Really?!” Alfred’s heart leaps and so he does too. Right off the couch. “YAHOO! Thanks, Uncle Gil! I-”

The rest is cut off when Gilbert stuffs a sandwich in his mouth.

“Cool your jets, yanketito. I wasn’t done! Remember I told you about my lil bro’s wedding?”

Alfred nods through a mouthful of frosting.

“Mmhm.”

“Gut. Obviously I’m going down to liberty land to be his best man. Ha! As if he’d dare choose anyone else! I’ll put Honda over my damn knee and spank him with his own bodypillow if he even thinks of muscling in on my territory!”

Alfred has no idea who this Honda is but pities him anyway. He nods as that seems the safest option.

“Mmhm.”

“So! I’ll be going down to NYC. And you’ll be coming with me.”

Gilbert gives him that rust-coloured stare again and Alfred, for one of the few times in his life, knows it would be futile to argue. Uncle Gil is like a force of demented nature.

“Like I said, I won’t snitch but this can’t go on forever. So enjoy your time up here, kid. It just got a curtain call, ja?”

Alfred swallows the sandwich and nods. What else can he do? Gilbert holds all the cards and they both know it.

“…Ja.”

“YEAH! Good choice! Now, call Mattie. Tell him to get his maple-print panties in a bunch because Uncle Gil knows and Uncle Gil wants to talk.”

(Have a small update! I’ve been very busy lately and I will be for a while so I can’t promise when there’ll be more. Just when I can snatch a few minutes. Until then, please enjoy and stay tuned for part 10! (´ε｀ )♡)

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

I wake up, love you, so love you, love you

★ Chapter 5 of 15, 4926 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: alcohol consumption

<< 4

25 December, 2018

The holidays were celebrated peacefully and with tons of food, in the Manansala family. Este’s mum and dad spent the day cooking all of her favourite Filipino food for an early Christmas dinner, then enjoyed a classic roast dinner the next afternoon on Boxing Day. 

Well-fed and happy to be back home to hang out with their family dog Dano (a mellow golden retriever, named after Este’s obsession with the film Little Miss Sunshine), she had a relaxing holiday. And, as much as the regressive feeling of staying in her childhood house sort of stressed her out, Este took advantage of her last couple of days off of work by not making many plans. 

That was until she got a message from Matty. He always hopped around for Christmas, since his own friends and family were messily dispersed between London and the north countryside. He and the rest of the band were allowed a holiday break from rehearsals, so he spent late December basking in the calm before the storm. Matty knew he’d eventually be in Manchester with some free time. So, he decided to send Este a text. 

Their conversation had graduated to iMessage after Matty suggested the idea that night in Kingston. As nice as their budding friendship had been, he found himself thinking of Este with affection. How she could make him laugh both on purpose and by accident, the way her hair sat lazily on the edges of her face, her love for books and her skill for allowing other people to experience what she feels when reading them. 

So, he considered maybe asking her on a date. But the idea of that scared Matty—the formality of asking, the possibility of rejection. When trying to assume if she felt the same way, he was coupled with uncertainty, but he reached out anyway.

Este

Tue, 25 Dec at 13:02 PM

Merry Christmas x

Free to grab coffee on the 28th? 6 ish?

I’ll be in town that evening, if u are up for it

Only a couple of messages were sent between them since the album release party. Este, of course, showered him in flattery after first listening to it, whole-heartedly impressed by his work. Since Matty’s drunk words were sober thoughts that night, he really did care about Este’s opinion of him. He bubbled with joy when reading her messages. If she was telling the truth, that is. But Matty didn’t take her as a liar.

It had been busy for both of them; Matty was doing press for the month following A Brief Inquiry’s release and rehearsing for tour, while Este, Sam, and Oliver were dealing with the pre-holiday retail craziness. With that in mind, Matty was surprised to get a fairly quick response from her.

Este

Tue, 25 Dec at 14:10 PM

28th is my first day back to work :( off at 8 as usual

But we can do something afterwards if that's not too late?

And Merry Christmas to you too x hope you’re enjoying a break from the craziness

I am thank you !

I could just come by and hang out while u work bc I love it there Lol

Unless it’ll be busy I can just meet you there after close

That would be lovely! It’s always super slow the week after Christmas anyway

Everyone’s too busy raiding the big shops for the sales

ok cool I’ll probably show around 6:30

I need to chat to ur face about the album too :P

You’ve said enough about the album Este bloody hell

I don’t think I can take another compliment

Ego been fed enough lately?

Yeah actually thanks

Trying to learn how to be humble

Thank god x

✴ 28 December, 2018

A bay of colourful spines stared at Este as she stood in the Teen Fiction section trying to help a middle-aged mum find a book for her daughter. Every fragment of her teenage memories that popped into her mind felt outdated or not the right fit for the customer. 

“I find that she’s rarely challenged with the books she reads, you know? I want her to really fall into the trance of a novel, have it leave an effect on her. I don’t think a book has done that for her yet,” the mum explained passionately.

Este thought back to the moments she felt that way for a book. One she read a couple of years ago—when she was definitely too old to do so—came up. Its heavy subject matter and vast symbolism and imagery struck her. Her hands picked the familiarly bright blue book. 

“This one’s called Challenger Deep. I read it well into my twenties, but it explores topics I think other teen fiction writers refuse to explore. A little heavy, but for the right purpose. I think your daughter would love it, if she feels really deeply, like me.”

The mother, Orla, spent another 25 minutes chatting with Este about the intensity of being a teenager in the state of the world. A phenomenon the book shop worker never got sick of was getting a peek into the lives of the people of Manchester. Este felt like every time someone new walked into the shop, she got to know her city a bit better.

“Thank you again, Este. You’ve been lovely,” said Orla after checking out the novel for her daughter. Her boots then stepped out of the shop and into the breezy evening air.

The quiet day continued, piles of books slowly getting sorted through and reorganised. Matty, of course, was on her mind. Este watched the clock as 6:30 neared, but no text came through from him yet. She was hoping he wouldn’t catch her while deep in conversation with another customer, or (embarrassingly) struggling to carry a stack of books.

Once 6:50 rolled around, Este finally heard from him.

matty

Fri, 28 Dec at 18:49 PM

Sorry im already late

Just left late tbh

Lol ur fine

Do you like bubble tea??

You realise I’m Asian right???? course I like bubble tea

and you don’t have to bring anything! I’m okay

Omg you’re asian I would have ever guessed

Shut up and tell me your order

Matcha milk tea with pearls pls

Thank you xx

Ok gonna be even more late now but u know why so

Matty didn’t end up walking through the front door until quarter past seven. “There he is,” commented Este.

He held the two bubble tea drinks, one in each hand, raising them both in celebration. “I made it,” he said, handing her the green one. “Only 40 minutes late!”

After thanking him, Este took hers to the counter to set it down and puncture the top with the pointy side of the straw. Matty did the same. She looked at his drink, taking note of its purple colour. “You like taro?”

He looked at her, confused. “Yes? Should I not like taro?”

A laugh escaped from her lips and she shook her head no. “You should. I love taro. Just surprised, that’s all,” she admitted without elaborating. 

“You’re surprised because I’m white and uncultured and should be picking, like, strawberry or something, aren’t you?” 

“I didn’t say that.”

✴

Matty carried over a metal stool from the back room to set it next to the one Este sat on. Together, they sat behind the counter, sipping on their teas and chewing up the boba. 

“Can you let me say one more thing about the album? So I can just get it out and then move on?” asked Este. Matty sat on her left, fidgeting with the spinning seat of his stool, swivelling back and forth over and over; while she sat still and faced him fully.

“Okay, fine. This is your last chance.”

She smiled, happy to be able to get her last point out. “My favourite track isn’t Love It If We Made It, like you’d think.”

“Really? What is it then?”

“I Couldn’t Be More In Love.”

Matty looked back at her for a second, shocked. “Tell me why.”

“It sort of feels like being down on your knees and screaming at the sky. And it sounds really guttural. Your voice carries with so much urgency. I love its composition too, with the twinkly 90s sounding keys and saxophone solo and key change. It has all the elements of a standard, a perfected and refined sound—that almost holds down the rawness of the vocal.”

His swivelling gradually slowed to a halt as Este spoke. She had pointed out every aspect of the song that Matty loved, while her hands gesticulated in front of her, helping her process her own thoughts. Every word she used felt carefully chosen and placed strategically. It was refreshing.

“You know,” Matty started, with a smile of gratitude hanging from his mouth. “I recorded that vocal, like, a day before I went to rehab. So there was this hopelessness to them, and to be honest I sang it better after I got out. But it just felt right, so we left ‘em.” 

“That makes me like it even more,” Este replied shortly, chewing more pearls and looking at him with admiration. She sensed he had more to say, so she let him continue. 

“And not many people know, but it isn’t about a girl or romantic relationship. I wrote it about the idea of, like, what happens if all of this disappears—when nobody cares. Getting to do this thing, writing music, and having it personally affect people and being able to keep making more. It’s genuinely the one way I make sense of the world. Not even the fact that I have that vehicle to process my emotions but just knowing that it’s there. What happens when I’m not sure it’s there anymore?”

She let the information sit between the two of them for a beat. “Things always make sense when you’re the one explaining them.” They smiled at each other. “It’s comforting. Makes me feel hopeful. Like, if someone understands themself in this way then maybe one day I will too. An understanding deep enough to remain curious.”

He laughed, swishing around the straw in his close to empty bubble tea. Setting it down on the counter, Matty’s feverish hands reached for something else to twiddle with. A stack of sticky notes was in his hands, now ripping the yellow sheets into skinnier strips and connecting them end to end to make one long piece. 

“When I listened the first time, I obviously thought it was about a relationship. So it made me think of an ex of mine,” Este mentioned hesitantly, watching Matty toy with the paper, nervous to bring up what she was about to. “It was my first time, like, actually being in love. So after things didn’t work out, it was so hard for me to grasp just not loving her anymore. When all I’d done the whole time was love her. So that whole, ‘What about these feelings I’ve got?’ thing really hit me.”

Matty paused for a second, having a quick panic internally. Is Este gay? I thought Cate was the gay one. It was embarrassing to imagine beginning to pursue someone not interested in him, let alone anyone of his gender. If that was the case, their friendship would be just fine the way it is—but his infatuation felt too far gone to reverse. 

“That’s kind of where that line came from. And what I want people to feel when they listen. But when I thought about what it means to me, it wasn’t romantic at all,” he said. “Have you loved anyone since then?”

“No. Not in the same way. The true bisexual experience is having a huge pool of humans you could be attracted to and then not liking any of them. At least for me,” Este responded, bringing a light-heartedness back into her speech. Matty relaxed in reassurance and joined her in laughter. Bi. Good. Phew, even. “Was it easy? Figuring out your sexuality, I mean?”

She got up to walk over to the door and bolt it shut, flipping the sign to read ‘closed’. “In a way. Growing up, I thought the feelings I had for girls weren’t the same as the ones I had for boys, just because I thought they had to be different. Even though I knew they were there. And then I grew up—learning more and more—and things started to make sense. But it was never fully easy, or linear. Or definitive.”

She sat back down, continuing to watch Matty fold up the ripped paper. He brought one end of the strip of paper up and around itself. Using his fingers to flatten it, a small pentagon was formed, and he took the remaining length of paper to resume folding. 

“That’s sort of what I find so difficult about it,” he admitted. “So many people over the years have taken what I say about my sexuality and construed it to mean something concrete—when that’s just not how I see it.”

His thumb nail, one by one, made small creases in each side of the flat chunk of paper to create the recognisable five points of a star. Matty set it down, now complete, on the counter and slid it over to Este. She picked it up and rolled it in her fingers, replying while studying it and bringing it close to her face. “It’s for sure frustrating when people think they know you better than you know yourself.”

Matty grabbed another couple of sticky notes to start another star. “I’m kind of envious of people like you, you know. Who have it figured out. I have such a hard time letting myself truly feel things that I find myself coming millimetres close to understanding myself in a different way than before and then I just pull away at the last minute. Just in fear of not liking what I discover, or looking stupid. Which I should stop being scared of.”

“I don’t have it all figured out, not even a little bit.” Este ripped up a few papers to try and copy him but she failed. No words had been shared between them about the technique, since they were busy conversing, so she only had the visual aid of Matty making another in front of her. She gave up, letting him just hand over the second one for her to hold. “You being aware of that fear is enough understanding in itself, in my opinion.”

They sat quietly for a couple of seconds, Este finishing her last few sips of tea and tossing the empty cup into the bin. “Is that what Sincerity Is Scary is about? That fear?”

He looked at her, nodding to confirm her question. “The stupidity of that fear.”

“Wow, I should become a music journalist or something,” she joked, shocked that she got it right.

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, darling.”

Matty made more stars as their conversation persisted. He varied the width of every strip of paper to make ones of all sizes. A pile of yellow origami accumulated. Este watched, still not understanding how it was done. She found it endearing—and quite cute—to witness the attention and effort he was putting into the mundane craft. 

“You hungry?” she asked, finding a lull in their discussions. 

He glanced up at the clock, seeing its hands pointing at 10:07pm. “Always,” agreed Matty. “In the mood for something specific?”

Este remembered that she had walked to work that afternoon, after lending her car to Cate for the day while hers was getting serviced. So, she considered places within walking distance from Greenhouse. “Piccadilly Tavern does some good food. Just down the road,” she suggested. 

“Sounds good to me.”

They gathered Matty’s collection of stars into the corner of the counter, while Este secretly hoped Sam would leave them there for her to be able to collect them again tomorrow, and then put on their jackets. His bubble tea was now empty and in the bin alongside hers. 

Small clicks were heard while the two walked around the shop to turn off the lamps. Then, they were out the door one after the other, Este locking up behind them, and taking off to the pub. Matty extended his arm, bent at the elbow, towards her. She noticed—confused at first—but eventually wrapped her own around it and came close to the warmth of his body. The air sat at a chilly 5°C, but it didn’t feel that way when they had the other so close. 

As the pub neared, Matty and Este observed its packed nature from the outside window. They had both forgotten the state of pubs on Friday nights. 

“I honestly don’t think we’ll even physically fit inside,” he said as they paused before the door. Their arms were still linked. Este had to stop herself from accidentally stepping on Matty’s foot.

“I’d suggest another place, but they do a great margherita pizza here and it’s kind of all I can think about right now,” she confessed. 

He chuckled. “We can takeaway?” Matty pulled the door open, and she went in, approving of his suggestion. 

The wait for a pizza to share was only 15 minutes and Este left her number to get a call when they were ready; so they sat on the curb outside to avoid the bustling building. Despite him protesting, she paid for the food. Matty had already bought the drinks from earlier, so Este argued that it only made sense for her to cover dinner. He gave in.

“Oh, I have news for you,” Matty mentioned vaguely. 

Este was curious. “News?”

“Yeah. I finished On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous last night.”

“Go on! How do you feel?” she eagerly pushed. Matty dragged out his thoughts with silence to build suspense, making her writhe in impatience. Este shoved his shoulder with hers to try and get his words out faster. “Seriously, if you have anything bad to say about this one I might have to walk away right now. That’s a warning.” 

“I think it’s my favourite piece of fiction I’ve read in the past three years.”

✴

The pub rang Este about their ready-to-go pizza in the middle of their conversation about On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. They talked about Vuong’s words and what made them so poignant, and Matty even claimed that her annotations benefited his reading experience (and embarrassing her by referencing some of her notes verbatim). 

Matty offered to go inside to fetch their takeaway and carried it for the entirety of the walk to her flat, after they decided it was more sensible to go there rather than camping out in Greenhouse after hours. Plus, she knew that Cate would be staying over at Georgia’s for the night, so they’d have the place to themselves. By the time they got up to Este’s door, the food was still hot, since her flat was only a short walk from The Piccadilly Tavern. 

“Must be nice to live in this area. To be within walking distance to your work and all of the shops around Piccadilly and everything,” commented Matty. 

“Yeah. It's busy, though. And it makes it too easy to just stay in my little bubble and never leave.”

She held the door open for Matty and the pizza box to squeeze through, and he set it on the dining room table. 

“When I was in my early twenties—living here—I wouldn’t have ever wanted to leave,” he admitted.

Their jackets came off. 

“Water okay with you?” she asked, jug in hand. “It’s either that or wine. Choose wisely.” 

He opened up their takeaway, positioning the pizza so that they could share it, and then took a seat. “I mean… I’ve got no plans in the morning that a hangover could disturb. Do you?”

Este paused to think and then turned to pull on the handle of the drawer beneath the microwave, pulling out a corkscrew. Matty laughed at her non-verbal answer to his question and graciously accepted the glass of red she poured for him.

Their first bites of pizza hit the spot. Este wasn’t lying when she said the Tavern did a great margherita. They spent a couple of minutes eating, with small portions of conversation squeezing between their mouthfuls of pizza. 

“So what’s next year looking like for you? Touring the world?” she asked, stopping at her third slice. 

“Yeah, pretty much.” Matty wiped his mouth with a napkin before continuing. “We start with the UK in early January, bit of a break in February. Then, hopefully the Brits—if we’re nominated. Off to South America for some festivals, then Coachella and US tour through to June maybe? Coming back over during the summer for Big Weekend and a bunch of European festivals. Summer Sonic in Japan, Reading and Leeds. Australia and then Asia—I think ending it off with more US dates. All while writing and recording the next album, too.”

Este’s mouth hung open, struggling to conceptualise his crazy schedule. A whole year of travelling? Non-stop? It seemed impossible to her. She realised that it’s Matty’s job and that he’d done it before, so it must not be as scary to him. “Wow,” was all she could mutter out. 

“Yeah, I know,” he said with a chuckle.

“I don’t know if I’d survive that.”

“I barely did, last cycle. Did a bunch of smack, and stuff.” He sipped his wine and laughed. The glass was close to empty now. “But it’s worth it in the end."

She dusted the powdery flour accumulating on her fingertips into the corner of the box, considering the fact that it may be the last time she saw Matty for a while. It unexpectedly saddened Este. Conversing over text was fun and friendly, but moments like that first night; sitting on the couch and sipping beers in her flat, or drunkenly shouting at each other over the music in Kingston, and making origami stars behind the counter at Greenhouse, all made her realise how great his company was. Her attachment grew. Would their connection sustain through the year he was away? Does he even want it to sustain? she pondered.

“I’ll have to write down that crazy schedule on paper to break the news to my nan that you can’t attend her party,” Este joked. 

“When is it?” Matty asked. 

She could see a glimmer in his eye. Oh god. He wants to come, she thought. “No,” denied Este. “You’re not coming.”

A smile grew on his face as he realised she was onto his intent of asking. “Come on. Tell me when it is,” he insisted, playfulness evident in his voice.

“You’ll be on tour, Matty. I’m not going to make you show up to a banquet hall to celebrate my nan and granddad’s anniversary.” 

“It’s not ‘making me show up’ if she told you to invite me and if I want to go,” Matty argued. 

Este covered her face in embarrassment, with her elbows resting on the table in front of her, in disbelief that he wanted the information out of her. She spoke a ‘no’ but it was muffled by her hands in front of her mouth. He reached forward, pulling them away to reveal her face. In a flustered state, he noticed her mouth twitching up and down to try and stop a smile from showing up. Matty’s eyes found hers. He put on the biggest, corniest smile he could; eyes squinting, cheeks flexed, all teeth on display. Este couldn’t help but let her smile escape, Matty succeeding. She let out a laugh. 

“9th of February. Saturday,” she gave in.

Racking his brain for the specifics, he realised that the 9th was when he’d be off, after the UK leg and before South America. Matty couldn’t believe the coincidence, laughing to himself in bewilderment. “I’ll be in London.”

“For a show?”

“No. Home. Off, free. Perfect time to attend a dinner and dance event held in a banquet hall.”

She looked at him in disbelief. “Be serious please, Matty.”

“I am.”

Este shook her head, deciding to avoid the conversation and pouring them both another glass instead. And then she poured another, and another. It neared two o’clock in the morning, the both of them lounging comfortably on the couch together. The bottle of red was empty, a beer sat in front of each of them on the coffee table, and they were passing a now second and half-smoked joint back and forth. Crossed out of their minds, the previously deep and thoughtful conversations from earlier in the night were long gone. 

Matty found himself doing things like explaining, in detail, the (objectively, according to him) correct way to put shoelaces into a pair of Converse; which he didn’t know he was so passionate about until he caught himself talking about it for far too many minutes. Este happily listened, equally as tipsy and high as him, shooting back with random tangents of the same minuscule relevance. It was the most fun each of them had all week.

The influence in their system along with the late hour of the night forced any remaining walls between them to falter. Este reached and touched his knee in laughter a few too many times to go unnoticed by Matty. He watched her eyes linger at the ink on his forearms that poked out of his cotton shirt while he blabbered. Her hands constantly reached up to flip the gold dragonfly hanging around her neck, but she always did.

Likewise, she caught sight of him breaking eye contact more than ever before. It looked like he was looking down at her lips, but she wasn’t sure. The curls on Matty’s head were disturbed by his fidgety hands every few seconds. Este thought it looked nice when they were messy so she wouldn’t dare complain. 

“I feel like there's wet concrete behind my eyes when I try to close them and open them again,” he said to nobody in particular, obviously tired.

“That was a weirdly descriptive way to say your eyelids are heavy.”

“Yeah I know, but that’s what it feels like.” Matty clicked the power button on his phone and read the time. It was past three now. He flipped it around to show Este. “I think it’s bedtime.”

She stood up, reaching into the basket of miscellaneous throw blankets that sat in the corner of her living room and tossing one to Matty. It landed directly on top of his head and made him giggle. They were both smart enough to know that there was no way Este would let him leave this late, so she didn’t bother even asking him to stay. 

“Don’t be alarmed if you hear me get up a million times during the night. Wine makes me wee,” she warned with a slight slur to her speech. 

“Noted.” Matty untied his shoes to remove them before pivoting his legs onto the sofa where Este was previously sat, laying flat. “Thank you for the pizza. And wine, and weed. And for letting me stay over.”

“You’re welcome. Now you know what I get up to on Friday nights.” She took a cushion from the opposite end, near his feet, and then walked back to where his head sat. Standing behind the arm of the sofa, Este lifted his head to place it underneath. He looked up at her and uttered a small ‘thank you’. 

She smiled back and laughed. “Your face looks silly when it's upside down.”

He wanted to pretend to be offended but he was too tired to carry out the bit.

Este continued to potter around the flat, still wanting to clean up after their night by putting the scattered bottles and glasses near the sink and closing the pizza boxes from the table. When it was tidy, she made her way back over to Matty. “You’re okay with sleeping here? On the sofa?”

He nodded, barely awake. “Of course. Don’t worry about me, I’ll knock out as soon as I close my eyes,” he assured her. Este was about to turn towards her room when Matty grabbed her hand to stop her first. “Wait, before I forget. On Beauty and Being Just.”

She raised her eyebrows. “On beauty and being just what?”

“It’s an essay you should read. Been on my mind all night but I couldn’t remember the title and it’s only just now come back to me.”

Este promised to read it but was unsure if she’d remember what was called in the morning. Walking away, she switched off the big light, before the two of them said a final goodnight. Not bothering to change her clothes, she fell asleep soundly.

6 >>

[emisirrelevant]

WE ARE THE TIGERS WEEK DAY 7/ REUNION DAY

AHHHHHHHHH

HAPPY REUNION DAY MY FELLOW TIGERS/GILES COREY STUDENTS.

I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE LIVESTREAM AND OMG IT WAS AMAZING.

SO AS MY POST FOR THE LAST DAY OF WATT WEEK, ENJOY MY NOTES I WROTE DURING THE LIVESTREAM:

Preston starting things off! Hello icon and legend!

YESSS GO CAROLINE!!!

MAJOR SHOUTOUT TO CAROLINE LELLOUCHE AND LEANNA (I didn't get her last name I'm sorry) FOR COVERING PARTS

COVERING FOR LIKE 4 songs 

APPRECIATE YOUR SWINGS 

AHHHH CHESS AND KATE

JENNY AND CELESTE ARE BACK I MISSED THEM

HAHAHAAA Kaitlyn holding the phone when she calls Farrah 

AWWWW ZOE AS FARRAH

GOD I MISSED THEM ALL

SHE'S GOT THE FARRAH BRAIDS

AHHHH “sure Riley, what could go wrong?” 

awww Caroline changing the way "welcome everyone" is said

OK WE'RE ON DON'T EVEN

BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE I DONT CARE

JENNY AND CELESTE YESSS

“Chords for Christ” HAHAA

“Is co-captain a thing now?” Iconic line +1

“It’s not nepotism it’s called friendship” Iconic line +2

WOAHHH A LITTLE LYRIC CHANGE? (I didn't get the words down I'm sorry but maybe someone else will remember)

SCRELTING!!

Oh god it’s Skype tomorrow time

OHHH THE WAY JENNY AND CELESTE TOTALLY GET INTO THE CHARACTERS

OH GOD BEFORE THE BREAKDOWN

CELESTE AND ZOE VOCALS!!!

OH GOD EVERYONE SINGING NOW

THE BEAUTIFUL HARMONIES 

UH THE ZOOM IN ON THE LAST LINE KNOWING WHAT HAPPENS TO CHESS AND FARRAH

“Unfortunately after that Chess is murdered” HAHA Preston narrating in between

RIP Chess now it’s abstinence song time

YESSS KAITLYN SINGGGGG

YESSS CLARK SPOTLIGHT TIME

The man has entered the plot

FOREVER FOREVER-

"or however long it takes" lol love that lil line from Clark

Their voices are great together

Awww they must have had a lot of fun singing this one together again

HHHHH

A SURPRISE?

YES PRESTON BEING REESE!

YOU CAN CHANGE THE KEY FOR TRANS ACTORS!!! (said by Preston himself, ICON!)

Ohhh Preston singing this gives it such a deep meaning and it’s so good in every way

CAROLINE NO IMMA CRY (Y'all she started crying doing the dialogue when Riley says when you're a Tiger, your team won't let you fall, anyone who breaks that promise breaks us, and then everyone in the chat got EMO)

OMG THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL

CAROLINE DID SO WELL

THEN FARRAHS SONG AFTER THAT OMG

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

BUT YES ZOE BEAUTIFUL VOCALS AS ALWAYS

OMG WALLFLOWERRRRR

Omg Wonu and Caroline did so good

The VOCALS AND RUNS

THEM GETTING HYPE IN THE END AWW

Omg DEFENSE TIME

defense, defense 

AWW LOL WONU COVERING HER LIL LYRIC SLIP AHAHA

Wonu I love you 

A national treasure

TIGER PRIDE ALWAYS

TAMPER WITH A MURDER SCENE

YESSS WONU!!! SCRELT

LEANNA AS MATTIE YESSS

I LOVE ITTTT

YESSS VOCALSSS

HAHAHA SOMEONE SAYING "SHUT THE FUCK UP"

LEANNA DID SO WELL SINGING MATTIE'S LAMENT

Oh god here we go 

“Not my usual reaction to homicide” haha Wonu as Cairo I will always love you

“Welcome back everyone” while like 3 people have died

OH GOD MOVE ON IS AFTER PHOENIX IM NOT READY

OH GOD NOOO

My heart

Kaitlyn and Jenny their voices together

UGH THE HARMONY ON "don't let go" 

ALWAYS GETS ME

AHH THE HUG AT THE END (Kaitlyn, Jenny and Celeste all hugging it out but Zoe completely missing it haha)

YESSSS SYDNEY 

SHUT UP AND CHEER TIME

AHH HER KEEPING THE GROWL ON "SHIT"

LOVE IT

SYDNEY VOCALS

EVA SANCHEZ I LOVE YOU

OMG HERE WE GO 

Haha the lines in IDK

so good 

WONU SINGING SEE YOU ALL IN HELL is my religion

YESS CAROLINE DOING THE BREAKDOWN

AHHH THE C-C-C-CUT EM

Amazing.

HHH MOVE ON REPRISE???

WE LOVE A LITTLE BIT

HHHH

OMG THE FINALE

NO NOT ALREADY

IM EMO

IM ACTUALLY SO EMO

THIS! SONG!

WE ARE THE TIGERS GO!!

Ugh seeing everyone up there singing together again MY HEART

OMG AND A LIL ENCORE

SINGING A CUT SONG OOH

EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE HER

OKAY BANGER

AS EXPECTED

YESSS VOCALS

OOH FARRAH AND CAIRO HARMONIZING

THE MOTIF OF "We are the soul of the school" COMING BACK IN THIS SONG TOOO???

OMggggg I wish it didn't end

That was amazing

So WORTH the livestream ticket

Ahhhh I love this musical

WATT my beloved, you will always be loved by me.

[devils-pirate-crew]

Dawson nods at this, wincing as he's hit with a sudden headache, the Voices eagerly chatting amongst themselves on this new development. As far as he's concerned, they can do whatever they want right now. Might as well use him like a vessel. Not much else he's good for, anyways.

He lifts himself onto the stool two spots to the left of Giroux, Dougie taking the seat between them. On Giroux's right, Jimmy keeps complaining at Brady, who continues teasing him. Arber plays the other bookend, one eye trained on the duo to his left.

"New captain, huh?" Dougie leans on the counter, looking at Brady, who grins.

"You know it!" he yells back, pumping a fist. There are a few faint scars wrapping around his hand - they look oddly as if someone sunk their teeth into him, multiple times. Huh. That's new. "Sensibility's gonna be the terror of the seas now!"

Quinn excuses himself to head over to the other side of the tavern, serving another round of drinks. Jimmy looks up at Brady with a fond sigh. "Alright," he agrees, clearly a little out of it.

Claude's brow furrows. "You good there, Tim?" Tim? Jimmy? Which one is it?

Tim nods again before dropping his head. "Just tired." Giroux smiles down at him, reaching over to ruffle his hair.

Dougie rocks back on his stool, now, to try to catch Arber's eye. "How's Santé doing?"

The gunner sucks a breath through his teeth, drumming his fingers on the rim of his glass. "She's going," he admits. "Hoping our luck turns soon. It's not Suzu's fault, just the seas have run dry." Arber shrugs, shaking his head to let his hair flow, the feather in his tricorne bouncing as he does.

"If you want to join a crew that'll get you a real profit - " Brady begins.

"Fuck off," Arber replies, flipping the captain his middle finger. Brady wheezes at that.

"How's the brother?" Dougie asks, now.

Brady purses his lips, then shrugs. "Haven't heard from him in a while. Last I heard, he was sailing on Longtail. You know Phoenix went down, right?"

"Got caught, right?" Dawson now chips in.

"Yep," the captain nods. "Hunter got her. Matty apparently spent three months as a stowaway to not get caught before escaping when they docked at Charleston."

"God damn," Arber whistles. "And the rest?"

Brady smirks. "When we got word of it, we were in New York City. So we decided we'd pay them a visit. Sensibility, Miss Maple, Santé - this might have been before you - we headed on south to crash their party." He rolls his shoulders, exposing his bare chest once more. "Charleston was pleased to meet us, I think. We couldn't save everyone - a couple pirates swang before we got there - but most of the crew was still alive. And we made Charleston pay for it. Hunter had fucked off by then, which was probably for the better, or we'd really have given them hell." Brady hums. "Matty took three pistols and a cutlass and stuck up the government building by himself. We cannoned down the jail and a good amount of the city, too, before moving in to rescue the Phoenix's crew. Had to get out that night, though, or we'd have been dead the next morning when army reinforcements came in."

Dougie raises his eyebrows at that. "God damn!" he echoes Arber. "What I wouldn't have given to be a part of that..."

"We'll let you know next time we go on a rescue mission," the captain laughs. "If you're in the area, you're totally invited to the party."

"Will there be good food and drink?" the pilot asks.

"The best money can't buy," Brady promises.