#mass effect angst

[strawberrykidneystone]

i love characters who are doomed from the start (/lying my shepard is still alive in my head)

[theratking-heheheheheh]

So do you guys think krogan women name their eggs before they hatch? Are most female territory’s taken up by their buried unhatched and stillborn?

This keeps me up at night:)

[thatwildwolfwrites]

Shakarian WIP

Edit: This post is really blowing up recently. It's more popular than most of my actual fanfics! If you like this little snippet, please consider checking me out on AO3, I write a lot of Shakarian both longform and one-shots!

[ThatWildWolf on Archive of Our Own]

[dreaming-of-hope]

They are parents now. They adopted that child even before bode was out of the picture.

I know many people are hoping they have a bio child in the next game, but I honestly think they just keep adopting children as they go.

So much of the spirit of the Jedi series is breaking free from the idea of bloodlines (against the main continuity of the movies) and I feel they should keep it that way.

The found family trope is strong with this one.

That said, I do fear the worse for Cal in the next game, his connection to the darkside could potentially make him the perfect grey jedi, but if he keeps getting worse those visions he saw on Fallen Order could become a reality or worse he could have an heroic death, if he stays in the light OR a redemption death, if he keeps using the darkside, to save his family and his legacy, in a way that mirrors his own masters sacrifices (but this is probably just me after being exposed to too many "doomed by the narrative" types of media).

Also... in a less dark thought, I just realized I subconsciously made Merrin and Cal match clothes! I love them so much <3

[painterofhorizons]

Twenty months after Akuze, cake seems to be her new nemesis.

Reda stares at the soft vanilla sponge cake in front of her for a full five minutes without noticing the time passing by or the glare on Cynthia’s face growing more and more concerned. Finally, the older woman decides to interrupt the stare-off.

“You okay?”

Reda immediately nods without blinking, as if she’s following orders, eyes fixating the cake, and picks a small piece onto her pastry fork, giving the impression both the cake and the fork are soaked in acid.

“I’m fine”, she reassures Cynthia, voice as absentminded as her whole presence.

She stares at the tiny piece of cake on the pastry fork. It’s the fork with the decorated end, a small ceramics ball with a decent floral pattern, the one Cynthia only uses for special occasions. Like birthdays, or bullshit like surviving what killed fifty and should have killed her, too.

Her skin starts tingling.

“You don’t have to-“

“I said I’m fine”, Reda cuts her, a little sharper than necessary, and adds in a slightly more defensive tone “It’s fine, really. It’s just my head getting in the way sometimes.”

She ignores Cynthia’s demur that they don’t have to have cake right now, and forces herself to chew and swallow that tiny bite of horribly sweet and soft vanilla sponge cake on the fancy pastry fork. She gets herself to take two more tiny bites from the slice on her plate, before the creeps on her scalp get too bad to just sit here and continue eating cake.

“Just my head”, she mutters again, and wants to crack a half heartened smile, if only for Cynthia, but she can’t. “The cake’s good. I’m good. It’s fine.”

Her skin is itching so bad.

She asked for this, after all. For the cake. This specific cake in particular. The same recipe Cynthia has made since she’d moved in shortly before her sixteenth birthday, eight years ago.

She wanted cake.

Or maybe she just wanted to want cake.

Or maybe something completely different.

She can’t tell, her mind is a huge vast empty blank fucking hole right now.

But Cynthia made the cake, the one that she asked for, and she will eat it and not be an ungrateful little shit.

It’s just cake, she tells herself.

But her skin is on fire.

[515limit]

Miranda is still in hiding and finds Jack on the Citadel..

[universe-prime]

Don't ask me the logistics about "how this works in canon" or whatever, jusT LET ME COPE

Ever since I found out that there is a CHANCE to let the Commander live, I've made it my personal mission to complete the trilogy with this ending so this lil interaction can become canon in my disillusioned brain

[sol-consort]

I think it's really hot how devoted Liara is to shepard, like keeping pieces of her armor and finding shepard's body. Low key they kind of give doomed yuri vibes too idk why.

Liara is the only character who never shows interest in anyone else besides Shepard throughout the whole game. Even if you never get romantic with her, she doesn't go looking for an option B.

Tali and Garrus click together, ashley and James kinda hit it off, trainer's crush on EDI, etc.

Thane used to have a wife, Kaidan deeply loved his ex, Jack and her complicated relationships, Miranda is a serial one night stander.

Everyone had someone else before or after you.

Everyone, except Liara. She never mentions a past lover around you, it's common sense, basic courtesy. She doesn't flirt with anyone else once you reject her, she stays by your side, keeps being her sweet thoughtful and kind self no matter what.

Liara is the epitome of devotion. Shepard and her go through a lot of things together, the whole shadowbroker ordeal, Javik shattering her stained glass view of asari history and religion, only for Shep to be the one to go and comfort her afterwards. Only your words help her see reason again, wasn't it you who comforted her after the passing of her mother, likewise?

While Ashley was struggling to admit her feeling to femshep, refusing the fact she might like a woman. Liara suffered the love of a sick old dog, staying loyal to you no matter what, devoted to your cause. Ready to help you whenever in whatever, praying for you to give her love another chance, waiting paitently for you to see reason one day and realise she was the one who loved you the most.

Even after you were gone, she was the first to act, doing what needed to be done while everyone else was busy mourning or in shock. She fished your body from the abyss of space, offered it to the enemies of the asari, and betrayed her own people! Sold out her own species by aiding cerberus just on the off chance they might succeed in reviving you.

Consequences be damned. She just wanted you back.

[skinnyazn]

Like Tears in the Rain

Pairing: Commander Shepard x Liara T'Soni Chapters: 1/1 Notes: @parttimeprophet asked "Ohhhh how about tearful kisses with Liara T'Soni x Femshep 👀🫶🏻? Writing, pls!" for kiss challenge!, Now you get the most heart wrenching bullshit, I may or may not have made myself cry at the end, it's fine I'm fine, excuse any tense issues I never write in present tense so this was a struggle,

AO3 | MASTERLIST

Shepard is a born soldier, fighting with bared teeth and pure grit through every calamity in her life, so this ache that sits deep inside her bones is a familiar feeling. It’s made its home from the years of abuse on the battlefield, across different planets and star systems, but it wears on her the longer she marches through the torn streets of London. Wave after wave, casualty after casualty—the physical aspect is nearly as heavy as the mental. One mistake and it all ends: the Reapers win and humanity, as well as every other sentient species in the galaxy, annihilated. And that simply isn't an option. Not for Shepard. So she does the only thing she knows how to do: fight to survive. It’s an endless reserve of horrors as her crew fight through the crumbling city. Even the Cerberus cybernetics in her body can’t combat the tiredness she feels when they finally reach the Forward Operating Base. 

There’s no time for rest as Shepard inhales deeply, breathing the ash-laden air into her lungs, as she walks around the rubble to rally the band of soldiers. She looks at the faces of the men and women who served alongside her over the years, who trusted her—followed her through hell and back. They look older now. Kaidan has grey speckles throughout his temples and Garrus, a few more scars. Anderson just looks tired, and Shepard wishes things could have gone differently for the admiral. She makes it across a bridge to a makeshift medbay where Liara is already tending to the wounded, doing what she can to help the dying with her omni-tool. She still has the gore from the team’s early assault on her armor and Shepard wants to wipe it all away.

“How are the casualties?” she asks instead, walking toward the asari.

Liara doesn’t look up from her tool. “We lost people. Some of the wounded here won’t make it,” and it comes out calmly.

Shepard studies her lover. She hasn’t aged a day since their first meeting in that Prothean dig-site, yet the years took their toll in other ways. The once innocent and shy asari was now hardened by loss—most of all by Shepard’s.

“How are you holding up, Liara?” Shepard asks softly, moving closer.

“This is it, isn’t it,” Liara finally looks up at her commander, but her glacial blue eyes are distant. 

“Yeah,” Shepard breathes, “this is it.” 

The asari looks away, at the wounded—at the carnage around them in the brief moment of calm. 

“I don’t know what to say. I just know I’ll have a clever line five minutes from now,” she chuckles, but it comes out flat. Shepard reaches for her hand.

She stares calmly into her commander’s eyes. “I do have one thing for you, Shepard. A gift. It’ll only take a moment, if you want it.”

“Of course I do.”

Liara smiles and it makes Shepard’s heart yearn. She moves toward her lover, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against the asari’s.

And suddenly there is a weightless serenity. All the heaviness and pain from the battlefield, gone. When Shepard opens her eyes, she’s in a peaceful oblivion, surrounded by stars. Liara’s delicate hands fit perfectly in Shepard’s.

And they don’t need to speak because they can feel each other’s emotions. All the nuances and subtleties that can’t be conveyed with words. The comfort. The calm. The abundance of love. A glowing light rises over an artificial horizon, but Shepard is too lost in Liara’s eyes to notice its color. And when they kiss, it reminds Shepard why she’s in the fight: to give all the lovers a chance like they got. Liara moves her hands over her stomach and Shepard feels a wave of emotions. To give life a chance.

I wish we had more time, she thinks, but when her eyes open, she’s back in London.

Liara looks at her solemnly. “Thank you, Shepard, for everything. I love you.”

Shepard’s hands linger on the asari’s waist, thumbs brushing over her stomach. She’s too scared to say it out lout so she settles for, “I’ll be fighting for us.”

“I know,” Liara smiles, and this time it reaches her eyes. “Now let’s do what needs to be done.”

Shepard nods, taking in her lover one last time before the final push—her particular shade of blue, the kindness in her eyes, the softness of her body. She presses her forehead against the asari once more before she turns and makes her way through the stretchers to gather her crew.

And the minutes feel like hours as Hammer Team make their final assault through No Man’s Land. The swarm of husks and mutilated creatures is overwhelming. Soldiers fall all around, but Shepard and her team push forward. London looks unrecognizable as they navigate toward the massive Conduit Beam in the middle of the city.

“Incoming Banshees!” Liara cries out, readying a warp attack. 

“These bastards don’t give up,” Shepard grunts, feeling the weight of her Viper as she takes another headshot. 

“Brute at your five, Shepard!” Garrus shouts this time. 

“Then handle it! Where the hell is Wrex and the rest of the Krogans?”

“We’re busy cleaning up the mess you left,” Wrex’s voice booms through the static of the comms.

“It’s just like old times,” Garrus quips, but Shepard tunes him out as the claws of a banshee narrowly miss impaling her. She stabs the thing with her omni-tool and the shriek it emits is deafening.

“Shepard, take down that Destroyer!” It’s Anderson’s voice that breaks through the comms now, and Shepard spares a second to glance up a the massive Reaper that just touched down.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…”

“There should be Thanix Missiles controls in one of the tanks. Aim and fire!” the admiral shouts.

“Tuchanka 2.0,” Shepard mutters under her breath as she continues firing at the swarm of ground enemies. The deep boom of the Destroyer shakes the whole ground as its red beam carves through the city.

“We don’t have time! I’ll cover you,” Garrus yells, nearing the commander.

Shepard dashes toward the shuttle, booting up the missiles. Everything slows as she waits for the Reaper’s cannon to open; her whole body vibrates from the adrenaline. A glow of red and she presses fire. It’s a direct hit—until they swerve away at the last second.

“What the hell was that?!” she shouts, as she takes shot at a marauder in stasis. Liara has regrouped next to her as well.

“Damnit. The conduit beam must be interfering with the missiles’ guidance,” Anderson gripes. 

“EDI? Do you read me?” Shepard barks through her comms.

“Yes, Commander,” and it’s odd hearing the AI sound so strained.

“Any suggestions?” Another shot to a husk.

“I may be able to use the Normandy to enhance the missiles’ targeting capabilities.”

“Do it.”

“I’ll need you to open a link to the operating systems.”

Shepard punches at the control system while Garrus and Liara continue firing at the enemies that keep coming. 

“Missile guidance enhanced! But the Destroyer is still out of range. It needs to be as close as possible, Commander.”

Shepard unloads into another banshee. “How the hell do we get it closer—”

“Shepard!” Anderson interrupts through her earpiece. “Harbinger is releasing everything he’s got. Hammer Team is making its way toward you. Just hold on.”

“Another wave?!” Liara sounds exasperated as her flare of biotics rips through a husk. Shepard can tell it's taking a toll on the biotic.

“We HOLD!”

And wave after wave comes. Banshees, cannibals, marauders—it’s an endless stream of near death calls. The ash from the burning surroundings stick to Shepard's sweat drenched skin and tighten her throat.

“Look,” Garrus rasps between shots, “the Destroyer is closing in.”

Shepard glances at the horizon and the massive machine is nearly on top of them now. 

“Commander, it is within range!” EDI shouts over the comms.

“Firing!”

Another two Thanix missiles fire as the beam of the Destroyer weaves its way toward Shepard. This time they stick.

“A direct hit!”

“Hit them with everything you’ve got!” Shepard barks into the comms. An array of bullets and missiles in the city rain down on the Destroyer, exploding the being and littering the surroundings with corpse. A cloud of dust hits the crew.

“Destroyer terminated.” The AI sounds marginally calmer now.

“Nice work, EDI,” Shepard coughs, and she hears footsteps marching behind her.

“Shepard, over here!” It’s Anderson, and the commander feels a wave of relief that he finally caught up to them. She makes her way toward the older man. “We’re not out of the woods yet. Hackett just reported that several Sovereign-class reapers—including Harbinger—have broken off and are headed here.”

“Harbinger…”

“It’s a long shot but it’ll give Hackett enough time to get to the Citadel. But we still need someone on the ground to get to the beam and open the doors for him.”

“We still don’t know what we’ll find onboard the Citadel…” Garrus says bleakly.

“Then that’s our job: find out what we’re up against.” Shepard looks at the turian—at all of the remaining soldiers. “We’ve made it this far. There’s no turning back now. This is what we’ve been fighting for. Victory or death.” They nod.

“Alright,” Anderson said, “saddle up.”

Inside the shuttle there’s an odd sense of peace, in spite of the occasional rocking from explosions around them. There’re no windows and Shepard exhales at the bliss of being able to sit, to rest—if only for a moment. She looks over at her crew. Liara stares fixedly ahead, exhausted, and she reaches for her hand. The asari smiles faintly, squeezing back. Garrus has a shoulder wound and blood splattered all over him. Shepard hopes most if it isn’t his. He gives her a nod, telling her he’s ready to follow her to the end. Anderson sits in front of the commander, looking more than his age. She bitterly wishes he had a chance for a tranquil retirement among the stars.

“I’m proud of you, Shepard,” Anderson speaks, and it takes her by surprise. “We’re in the home stretch now.”

“No one I’d rather do this with.”

“We’re with you ’til the end,” Garrus chimes in, and his dual-tone voice sounds so tired. Liara just squeezes her hand harder.

But the smile is quickly wiped from Shepard’s face as the shuttle crashes to a halt.

“Well it was nice while it lasted,” she says, before opening the shuttle doors. “Ready?”

Outside is carnage, and the road to the Conduit is crumbled from the impact of the beam. They’re so close, but now it’s by foot now.

“It’s Harbinger!” Liara shouts over the chaos, as Shepard spots the colossal being landing. It's at least five times bigger than the Destroyer they just took down. 

“We make a run for it! NOW!” she yells, taking off as the Reaper’s beam cuts through shuttles and soldiers alike. Shepard can only focus on the conduit beam as she navigates the debris, dodging exploding tanks and falling rubble. She watches Harbinger’s laser vaporizes the ground next to her, flipping over a vehicle. It lands right in the path of her team.

“Liara!” Shepard shouts, going back for the Asari and dragging her to cover. Garrus slams his body against the flipped tank as well.

“Normandy, do you copy?! I need an evac right now!” She looks down at Liara, who’s starting to bleed on her.

“We’re taking on heavy losses up here, Commander,” Joker yells through the comms, but moments later the Normandy pulls in. Shepard feels a surge of pride knowing only Joker could pull off a maneuver like that.

“C’mon,” Shepard groans, lifting Liara over her shoulder and running back to Normandy. Other soldiers filter off the ship for ground reinforcement. The earth shakes each time Harbinger’s beam cuts through it.

“Here, take her,” Shepard grunts, handing Liara over to Garrus. 

“Shepard!” Liara moans, reaching out as blood trails down her side.

“You gotta get out of here!”

Garrus tries to pull her onto the ship but the asari pushes back.

“I’m alright, Shepard.”

“Don’t argue with me, Liara!”

“You’re not leaving me behind!” she cries. And all Shepard can see is the shy, helpless scientist she first met on Therum.

“No matter what happens,” Shepard steps toward the asari, “you mean everything to me, Liara.” 

Tears stream down the asari’s face now as her commander kisses her with the hopelessness of a dead woman walking. Garrus looks away.

“It’ll always be you,” and she wipes away the tears and blood splattered across her azure cheeks.

“Shepard I…”

But behind them, the high-pitch whirling of Harbinger’s charging cannon shrills.

“GO!” Shepard yells, looking at Liara for a final time before sprinting away from the ship. 

“I love you!” she hears her lover sob as the loading door closes and the Normandy pulls away, but her focus is on the beam now. She weaves through Harbinger’s lasers until things go white. ____

Time is distorted. She remembers the beam. She remembers the corpses. Somewhere in there, Anderson.

“You did good, kid. You did good.”

And she remembers smiling, feeling proud. But it didn’t last. She took the dog tags and put them over her neck. And she remembers the stillness of watching the chaos in space from inside the Conduit—the muted explosions and fleets of ships outside made her feel like she was underwater. She wonders if Hackett made it.

Then there’s The Child—the one she kept seeing on Earth and in her dreams—and it’s telling her she has to make a choice. She studies the thing, this illusion of a boy, and hopes that Liara made it. She wonder’s what she’ll name their daughter; she wishes she could watch her grow.

And when Shepard walks up to the catalyst, she’s not afraid this time. It’s not like the suffocating, cold, loneliness of space over Alchera. Now, she’s over her home. Earth. With everyone she’s ever loved down there. She holds the other set of dog tags in her hands.

“We did it, Anderson. We did it.” And she fires into the catalyst.

[lovelywingsart]

Spoiler, he may have given them more than a few minutes uwu

Who knows how long Cam passed out for, but I mean... Even Saren knows the importance of a good rest.

But also, how could he resist? Always gotta love how adorable your muscle idiot looks when cuddled to your side💙

[squigglysquidd]

Little short of angsty unrequited Shakarian?

[strawberrykidneystone]

you know that thing where people tend to beg for their mothers in the face of death?

imagine colonist!shepard, begging the universe to feel her mother’s embrace one last time while she’s clutching her wounded side, the catalyst waiting for her decision

imagine earthborn!shepard crying out for a mother she never even knew, yet some part of her knew that she wanted her mother at that moment

imagine spacer!shepard fruitlessly sending her mother one last message from her omnitool, knowing that she’ll most likely never receive it but she has to try to make sure her mother survives without her

[cephydeluxe]

was making an angsty shakarian playlist when i looked at the date and realized it was N7 day……… huh

anyway happy N7 day to my precious train wreck mass effect trilogy🎉🥳

[scribblesandknots]

Shadows Fall

Summary:

“Garrus?” Shepard said softly. “Just…go.” His voice cracked. “Tell him to go.” He lowered his rifle. “He’s giving you a second chance, Sidonis - don’t waste it.” Garrus ripped his comm off his head before Sidonis could reply. His rifle clattered to the causeway floor. Garrus pulled his knees to his chest and put his hands to the back of his head. The rifle’s clattering fall was gunfire in an Omega hallway. The tinny echo of the metal walkway was the distortion of the radio. (“The mercs made me listen while they…”) The screams - for solace, for deliverance, for vengeance - went on and on, unanswered. ~ Shepard needs Garrus. Garrus needs to get his head on straight. A Mass Effect 2 retelling from Garrus's POV, with extra angst. Mostly canon-compliant with some creative liberties.

Tags:

Relationship:

Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

Characters:

Female Shepard (Mass Effect)

Garrus Vakarian

Jacob Taylor

Miranda Lawson

Skye Shepard

Mordin Solus

Grunt (Mass Effect)

Kaidan Alenko

EDI (Mass Effect)

Tali'Zorah nar Rayya

Karin Chakwas

Zaeed Massani

Additional Tags:

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD

Pining

Mutual Pining

Friends to Lovers

Canon-Typical Violence

almost canon compliant

Angst with a Happy Ending

Identity Issues

Self-Esteem Issues

Battlefield Banter

battle buddies

POV Garrus Vakarian

Dissociation

Nightmares

[vorchagirl]

Haunted - Reyes x Sara fic <3

Title: Haunted

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Sara Ryder never thought she would see Reyes Vidal again after their breakup - not when she'd been cut so deeply by his lies and deception, and not when she'd ended things so decisively. But when Reyes finds his leadership of Kadara Port under fire from a mysterious new enemy, he turns to her for help and Sara can't deny that there is still something between them. Something bigger than she wants to admit. When things go from bad worse on their mission in the badlands, Sara and Reyes find themselves trapped, with no choice but to face the ghosts of their past, and face up to what's really going on between them.

A/N - Yes, I've finally written some fluffy Reyes x Sara fanfiction again! I've put a snippet below, and you can find the full chapter at AO3!

The bartender handed her a drink, and Sara took a sip of the fiery whiskey. Behind her, a door opened and there was a flurry of movement in her peripheral vision and a ripple of quiet voices. She sensed the subtle emptying of the bar as people seemed to recede like the ocean until only a few patrons, all of them the Charlatan's men, remained.  Her heart thumped in her chest, and she struggled to keep her breathing even as Reyes slid onto the stool beside her, a very neutral expression on his face as he glanced at her.

Sara downed her drink on one gulp and looked away, flustered.

"Ryder," he signalled the bartender for a drink. "Mind if I join you?"

"Reyes," she replied, nervous tension keeping her rigid as he reached past her for his drink. "Since you've already taken a seat, the question's a little moot, isn't it?"

He chuckled and took a sip of his drink. "I wouldn't go where I wasn't wanted.  Say the word, and I'll leave you in peace. But," he gestured for her glass to be refilled, "you're on my turf, so I'm assuming my company isn't entirely unwanted...?" There was the hint of a question in his voice,  and the look in his eyes faltered for a moment,  uncertainty peeking through his usual cockiness.

Sara considered him over the rim of the glass, and shrugged. "You can assume that, " she agreed.

Reyes smiled, and Sara quickly looked away, not liking the way her stomach fluttered pleasantly at his attention. Her head was still so messed up. 

She wanted to stay mad at him. 

She wanted him to crawl. 

She wanted his arms around her. 

She didn't know what she wanted.

-

Read the rest here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52182916

[lonesurvivorao3]

Trying to make my blorbos kiss and make up but they are being dicks. Thane gonna tie you both the fuck up at this rate.

Wait.

What.