#masking is also out of the question idk it doesnt work for me!

[rucow]

i sometimes forget that mental illness is pretty much a disability by itself, or that anything that makes u unable to live a ""normal"" life is a disability. its so odd to think of myself as disabled when i dont have any obvious physical disabilities. but then ill literally need 2 weeks to recover from going out Once, or like when i have to spend a night home alone and i hallucinate like crazy and get so paranoid and scared and depressed that i just Can't go about my day, so yea :') lots to think about

[mewtwo24]

You know idk if it's just me being oblivious af but mxtx sure does enjoy putting her protags through the trolley problem when it comes to her works huh /j

[who-is-page]

hi im not here to start anything i just need to get this out but im some unpopular blog idk. ive had a burning question bc of some discourse. is it ableist to not want to interact with doubles from a traumagenic system? people called us toxic and guilt tripping for saying we feel like it is and like its watering them down to just their source not an actual unique person, but they didnt really explain how its not besides 'it makes me uncomfy and im allowed to have boundaries'

but then those same people would probably call our headmates who dislike humanity for legit trauma reasons stupid and toxic and tell them they need to work on it but not tell us how besides 'spend time around kind people' but we dont really have any that they can do that with

idk it just seems really hypocritical. why can they pretend and entire person doesnt even exist for something out of their control bc theyre uncomfy but having trauma that you dont know how to fix is so wrong and makes you horrible

and would it be okay to just say 'systems dni you make me uncomfortable' ?

(cont.) its okay if you dont want to post that i could see the discourse nightmare but mostly i guess i just needed to get it out somewhere, thank you

--------

So, if I'm reading this right, you feel that it's ableist for someone to ask for doubles who are traumagenic fictives to not interact with them. And you feel it's hypocritical for someone to have those boundaries when that same person would likely criticize the misanthropy present in your own system due to past trauma.

There's a lot of levels to this anon, I'm not going to lie to you.

The other person is right in that they're allowed to dictate their own boundaries as they see fit, and that they don't owe people explanations for it. If they're uncomfortable with traumagenic fictive doubles and don't wish to interact with them, that doesn't make them ableist. Their reasonings behind that feeling could, theoretically, contain some ideas that are invalidating to others or similar, but that's a separate entity from just having the boundaries by themselves. And you also have no way of knowing those reasonings (if they have even taken the steps to consciously dissect why they feel the way they do) since they haven't told you. You can't really draw any substantial conclusions about this--including whether or not the thought process behind this person's boundaries is ableist--and it's also arguably not your place to if this is about some random stranger, anyways.

The misanthropy thing is also tricky. Your systemmates are allowed to have their boundaries and their own personal feelings about humanity, regardless of what the origins of the feelings are. However, unlike with the other person where we don't know anything beyond that they're generally uncomfortable with traumagenic fictive doubles, you specify that your systemmates actively dislike an entire species that they have no choice but to interact with. Which makes things a lot more complicated. Dislike and discomfort are two separate emotions. It's not "stupid" or "toxic" that those feelings exist in your system, but it is probably something you all should work on, both for yourselves and others. You're going to be living around humans for the rest of your lives, and even when you're actively working to mask your dislike of someone it can still come across unconsciously very easily. It's not hypocritical for someone to view misanthropy as different from a much more niche online boundary, because in a lot of ways they're situationally very different, but it's also not fair for someone to try and call you amoral for it when you're still figuring out how to work on it, either.

One of our systemmates had pretty severe misanthropy that they struggled with. Some of what helped them was finding things that they actively loved that humans did or made, and building up from there. Every time they had an automatic misanthropic thought, they stopped, examined it, took a deep breath, and actively acknowledged that what they had thought was not fair nor true about all humans. Eventually, after many years, they did reach a point where they had a separate friend group from my own, made up entirely of non-alterhumans, which was also helpful. But that was a ways down the road.

Because dismantling these thought processes is different for everyone, YMMV. It's not always as simple as surrounding yourselves with positive and kind folks, and it really comes down to what your systemmates individually have to sit down and work through. Identifying what thought patterns they have going on, and working to tame the irrational and unfair ones. Your system isn't "horrible" because they haven't been sure where to start tackling this.

Regarding if it's okay for someone to ask systems to not interact with them because systems make them uncomfortable; like I said earlier, people are allowed to dictate their boundaries as they see fit. That's not on me nor you to try and control, nor to pass a blanket judgement on.

(And don't worry about the discourse factor. This blog was originally known as a discourse blog like a decade ago, and it always blows me away when I realize people have forgotten that, haha.)

[ceasarslegion]

On a similar vein to my last reblog, i do have some opinions regarding covid that i know are unpopular

Such as that, the virus is endemic at this point. Its not going to go away like the spanish flu did (which is an arguable thing to claim anyway when you know how virus evolution works), and thats because of piss-poor handling of the pandemic in the early days. But i think a lot of people are treating this point in time like those early days when it didnt have to be endemic and could still be eliminated, and idk man, i have a life to live. I cant stay inside forever when nobody else is and the virus isnt going away anymore. I can do what i can, but i cant keep it from becoming endemic anymore, that cats already out of the bag.

I will mask and test when im sick, not doing so is out of the question for me now. I also... live in the most conservative place in canada where people regularly get beaten and jumped in the street for being "masking libtards" so when im not sick its... more of a hazard to my health to wear them. It doesnt make me a crazy anti-masker to say that i dont want to risk bodily harm to myself because of where i live

And im sorry but i also can not risk losing my job to make a political point that, at the end of the day, wont affect much anyway because of what i do. I work in an airport, those are basically petri dishes for every illness there is, so if one of us has something, half of the checkpoint does too, so if just one of those people show up, and they will, its getting spread just as much. And if i lose my job, i cant make rent anymore. I need a roof over my head and food on my table, i just do. You can not ask me to risk homelessness for that

And i dont really think saying these things make me ableist or insensitive to immunocompromised people.

[blessedshortcake]

Being autistic at a workplace that doesnt outright Know it but is also very chill in general is funny as fuck

Like my coworkers sometimes squint at me a little and i know they noticed im Off since I dont try to mask too much anymore but i know enough small talk to be social and i made "friends" (idk what to call people who you work with and chat with but only at work lol) with everyone i talked to

People are generally very chill but i suck at eye contact and i am a very nervous person since yk all this costs Money but they are very patient. I was told i ask a lot of questions and to chill a bit and care less since i was mapping out every rule but besides that people are nice

[dreemurr-skelememer]

Love the fact that you gave Hawthorn ADHD ( not Far from Canon Ink) but i wanted to know some things (if you don't mind ofc).

1- Is Hawthorn already diagnosed? He seemed to be a hyperactive kid in the past. If yes, does he take medication? If not, how he deals with it without help?

2- is his ADHD important to his character? In a way of affecting the way he sees, feels and experiences the world around him?

3- I also noticed that he shows signs of emotional dysregulation, is he a very emotional person in general (compared to other people)?

4- A Lot of ADHD peeps also have sensory issues, does he have any?

5- What type of ADHD he has?

6- Does he stim??

7- Does he have or did he had problems at School? Does people treat him differently because of the way he is?

8- Does he have hyperfixations? (Like Canon Ink)

(im so Sorry about the number of questions! im Just.... So in love with Hawthorn)

1- Is Hawthorn already diagnosed? He seemed to be a hyperactive kid in the past. If yes, does he take medication? If not, how he deals with it without help?

yes, he is diagnosed! he doesn't take medication, he feels like it doesn't work for him and his relationship with medications is questionable. (idk if ill get into it but i can drop a little about it, it has to do with aster and also pre-adoption things)

he........barely deals with it. if i'll be honest, LOL

he's good at managing it at times, but it gets bad too

2- is his ADHD important to his character? In a way of affecting the way he sees, feels and experiences the world around him?

yes!! absolutely!!!! a lot of it will affect his relationships and affects a lot of his reasonings

3- I also noticed that he shows signs of emotional dysregulation, is he a very emotional person in general (compared to other people)?

yep!

4- A Lot of ADHD peeps also have sensory issues, does he have any?

he doesnt have much sensory issues, only around certain textures and incredibly bright lights. if you can call his agoraphobia a sensory issue, that too! it's more of a connection to canon ink plot though

5- What type of ADHD he has?

he's more of a combination

6- Does he stim??

absolutely!!!!!

7- Does he have or did he had problems at School? Does people treat him differently because of the way he is?

he absolutely has! ive drawn old doodles about it of him. other than that, no, people don't treat him too different because of his naturally social nature.

he's managed to lessen his masking and learned to just endear others in his own way

8- Does he have hyperfixations? (Like Canon Ink)

oh absolutely, he uses art as his outlet for them

apologies if these are all so messy and also out of order or unspecific! lol a lot of hawthorn (and birch) is my own personal projection and experience with adhd, so forgive me if i cant provide much or dont have a lot to give!

[etherealspacejelly]

i've sent an ask before about self-diagnosed autism and whether or not it's valid (i would link it but i can't because i'm anon and i'm too socially anxious to reveal myself grrr). first of all thank you so much. i quite often reread it to remind myself im valid. <3

i have a follow-up question/kind of a rant. i have a friend who's diagnosed audhd, and she's the only neurodivergent person in my life who seems to think i'm not autistic (she thinks i'm neurodivergent though, but nothing applies well to me other than anxiety which idk if that's generally considered a mental illness or a neurodiversity??). it's so weird how she expresses this too, for example, saying i "have a lot of autism symptoms, but don't seem autistic" (i mask a LOT). and every time i vent about my autism symptoms and how they affect me, i literally swear i can see it click for her that i'm likely on the spectrum and she STILL chooses to invalidate me.

what makes it worse is that another person in my friend group self-diagnosed with autism and dx friend is so validating of him. which is good for self-dx, but it makes me upset that we receive different treatment from her despite both having the same symptoms and diagnosing with the same thing (which may be a selfish thought, i have no idea but i don't intend it to be). self-dx doesn't ever point this out, then dx and him act like they're the only autistic people in our friend group, and it gives very much a "you can't sit with us" vibe. therefore there's only two people in my friend group who i'm fully comfortable with talking to about my neurodiversity (and are now aware of this issue but don't really know how to help).

ig it's just starting to piss me off. every time i post about or even mention autism i hear dx's voice in the back of my mind telling me i'm not really autistic. do you have any ideas on how to handle this? i've been friends with this person since we were in kindergarten and she's a great friend besides this, so i don't wanna cut her out of my life or anything, but i really wanna call her out on this bs without making her feel bad or making her too upset.

i'm so sorry if this is bothersome at all ghjfks feel free to ignore if thats better. thank you again for your past help, your posts have been so nice and comforting to see <33

hey anon! i remember you. im glad that post helped!

sounds like your friend has some internalised ableism going on. thats a real shame.

its absolutely not selfish of you to be upset that you're being treated differently than your other friend, thats really unfair.

also her arguments dont make any sense??? if you have enough autism symptoms then. you're autistic. thats how that works? you wouldn't be like "well. you have a cough and a runny nose but you just dont seem like you have a cold." like thats. a fucking weird thing to say?

idk what to suggest honestly. i know it really sucks but, maybe its time to start to pull away from this friend a little? it sounds like she doesnt really respect you.

if you're going to call her out on it, shes probably going to feel bad. you're going to have to reconcile that im afraid. its the consequences of her own actions that will cause it though, its not your fault that she has upset you and invalidated you. you deserve to assert your feelings and boundaries.

at the end of the day, you know yourself best, and if you think you have autism (after doing your research and a lot of self reflection) then you probably are. self diagnosis is absolutely valid, no matter what anyone says.

[emily-mooon]

Hello I will facilitate the SM AU brainrot with questions: how did Jonathan ever decide to throw on a tux & top hat? Do any of the other girls' love interests show up (like Argyle totally has the vibe of the dude that works with Rei lol)? As Barb seems to be a kind of Ami/Naru hybrid, does she fall for one of the Gem Boys (or a Gem Girl if you also hc lesbian Barb)? Jancy time-travelling daughter?? Is Henry Queen Beryl?

ahhh thank you anon!!!! the brainrot is strong >:3

i'll answer this in a numbered format too btw

one day he was at the thrift store and found a tuxedo there and said to himself "hey that would be a good disguise". its way better than his previous disguise which was this:

(he found it in the closet cause boy has no time to make a burglar mask)

2. I'm actually not sure yet. I only got as far as to half of the second arc in the original 90s anime (its been like 2-3 years since i last watched it and my household no longer has access to crave and hbo on demand, which is where i originally watched it) and im only on the beginning half of crystal. I did read the entire manga (except for the bonus stories) but from my memory, the only love interests the other guardians had was the gem boys who were working under queen beryl and those guys died. I also still have no clue who out of the canon ST characters is gonna be them

I am assuming that you are talking about the guy who worked at Rei's family shrine who was made a rockstar in the og dub of the 90s anime cause maybe I'll do that as i do like eden x argyle :3

3. Barb kinda is a mix of ami and naru but another character would be in narus place during the first chapter as i dont think it would make sense for barb to be there during Sailor Moons first fight as mercury doesnt awaken till the second battle

I do infact headcanon Barb as a lesbian and I think her past life love was a gem girl but instead shes gonna fall in love with Chrissy cause i gotta stick my favourite underrated rarepair in here :3

4. I'm not sure on this yet as im mostly focusing on the first arc of the series first. when the time comes, time travelling jancy daughter will appear

5. Yeah Henry makes sense as queen beryl since there arent a whole lot of other villans in stranger things i could use. I could even pull that one government lady from s1 and make her queen beryl but idk

thank you anon for this ask as it really helped me develop this jancy sailor moon au more :]

[wanderrlust0]

-.-

idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.

[wewfimapuppie]

idk if i am protecting myself in any way here. but this is my final log.

i am going to have to take the message at face value. i saw the wkrd frighgebed and scared and idk how he perceived what i was doing. i felt like fuck it yknow i might be wrong but this is how its going for me. i felt it was the best thing to do? idk i def said weird shit.

theres no way around it this time. i went manic. i lost my shit. i imagined all that. i scared him.

to me it felt so real dude. so real. it felt like crazg things were happening to me. and i dont have a good support system so idk haha. i hated taking pills. i felt so awful. so i just wanna rely on God for now. and therapy. i'll find a way.

i'll also lay low. wear a black face mask. sunglasses. black beanie. on my way to work and way out. no one will know its me. i'll change and wear a dif sweater and bring a dif jacket yknow i even wanna dye my tips orange like. i feel so embarrassed and i dont wanna see him or have amyone that knows see me. im hiding. im scared. im disappearing. i will just work, head to Tijuana, get uber eats on fridays and some white claws or adjacent when we get comfy. and we dont talk to anyone except maricruz and our coworkwers yknow. stay vigiliant. i rather you dont talk to anyone anymore. we can make friends some other way.

i rather we focus on paying off our debt. and we drop this. we are at a point where we are questioning a text he sent us. we cant do that......

i rather like i said, we lay low, no attention towards ourselves and we wear a mask and domt do shows we are an online act idk. i wanted to be like yahoo lets do shkws z and this happened instead? i went manic? so idk i need to just dont interact w ppl like natasha i look stupid and crazy i have no supplrt to tell me um this is mania.

i can still paint, i can still sell, i can still make music even. but i cant expand or be public in san diego nah nope. i dont ever wanna see him or anyone. this is embarrassssing dude.

lets jjst keep it simple. food. paint. youtube. spotify. cookies and weed. some alcohol. lets just chill yknow? like back to the status quo? but this time we start fresh i guess. but for rn i rather be alone lmao. i feel cringe.

hopefully i can just focus on the job and getting my life together. thats all i can do. ni modo yknow? what else can i do? stay stuck on this? lets just move on. and focus on keeping ourselves afloat. safe. we will be okay. i still want to pray.

the last thing i'll say though is idk why he said that he blocked me bc i sent him noods when

1. he hearted them

2. he djdnt blkck me

3. i blocked him that time

4. i didnt sent him noods this time?

also i specifically have not mentioned his name jjst ryan and my complaints are like... justified?

so my theories on that is...

1. that... wasnt him...

2. he is like.... a psychopath and it isnt even me!! to twist it. make me feel like i went crazy??

3. hes saying a lie to cover why he really blocked me and its i seem crazy.

its just weird he said 2 wrong things. that i ever falked shit abt him and that i sent nudes now kr that he bloxked me when i did it 3 years ago? like he has reason to say jt was fhe Gkd stuff....

he also just ignored anything i said. about the holy ghost stuff. he didnt talk about God at all. the message was like in broken english it was weird. maybe he was scared? but why say a lie ljke that? when i felt its either im crazy or im...on to something. .

and why did he unblock me at all? to warn me or settle it? its still weird to ignore my one accusation. bro. whats with the staring.

but idk its weird like its enough where theyd know what happened. the email. the calling. ryan. the other subtle ways of contact.

so idk i think he couldnt say its bc you seem crazy and he gave you that reason as to why he blocked you even if it doesnt make sense. eventually we're gonna have to accept this is his response. idk abt what he knows abt me and ryan but i know he knows that unsolicited nudes thing is whack bc be liked them and he never blocked me i blocked him... so wtf.

i hate that this wasnt to me, a proper response. like ok i was frightening shit. but wait ur saying u blocked me? nah u blocked me now. no njdes. so idk what to make of this response. to believe it? theres an incorrect factoid.... that isnt it. so shit what now? now that is what will drive me crazy is saying that shit when that didnt happen.

thags what makes me think maybe he was a... cooky guy. bc hes lying. hes manipulating the situation. he didnt explaim himself. just said i was scary and a lie.

idk what it is at this point. him. me? what are the next steps? well... i rather we pretend it didnt happen. im never contacting him or seeing him. im leaving him alone. i dont want to make it worse. i can find "normal" love like tanner. no celestial shit. just hey we fit.... i wish it was normal. i'll pray for it.

but we forget him Riv.... he's gone. whatever it is you thought... his response, whether you believe it or not, could be his real response. and theres signs that your perspective is skewed. and this is it.

i know the nudes thjng sticks out to you Riv. but what are you supposed to do with that suspicion? i cant go see him and be like "was that really you?" like shiiiit no. so now what?

that is why i wanna tell you this; i need to feed you and pay your debt so im getting u a job. but i will also tell you this; if its meant to be it will be. if that isnt him, the real him will appear. but if not, you have more to live for

so. we forget any of this ever happened. we are in incognito mode. we keep it chill. focus on your mental health.

start working. start forgetting. get good at hiding. keep it simple. we can walk away from this bruv. who says we need to acknlowledge this happened? im dropping thjs. even the lie. it could be a cover up to a harsher feeling. we was nice enough to wish me good health....

i will be w say sd and just surviving. this is my last zane log tbh. for my safety and wellbeing.

[paranormal-potatoes]

Here is a sad prompt with the old man, Gherman:

"....You were... My sunshine, My only.. S-sun... Shine, You made me happy... When skies... We-were gray... You'll ne-never.... Know, Dear, How much I loved you...."

*His voice becomes shakier, Tears begin to fall*

"....So please... Oh please don't take.... M-my sunshine away...."

"....Gehrman, Are you....crying?"

okay i swear i meant for this to be angstier but uhh idk, not as much crying, could be more but i need to just post what i have before i overthink and then never do it bc ~anxiety~ also this hasn't been betaed or edited that much so. also ended up longer than i thought so under readmore. also ended up only having like 1 line of the song being said/sang bc i feel weird about including songs in stories unless its like. karaoke or a song playing on the radio

takes place in my time travel au. anyways have this before i chicken out

given im posting this from my phone, i hope the formatting doesnt fuck up.

=====

“...my sunshine, my only sunshine...”

 

“... are you singing?”

 

Taylor startles, spinning around and knocking their Saw Cleaver to the ground, fortunately missing the bottles by the work table.

 

Hm, I should probably move those, it’ll be quite a mess if they break.

 

“Fuck! How are you so quiet? You’re in a wheelchair!”

They’ve been here some time, their mask hanging around their neck instead of pulled up to their nose. A new scar marks their neck, likely a fatal one from its placing.

 

They retrieve their weapon, placing it back on the table.

 

He should probably ask how they’re handling the constant dying.

 

“Were you singing?” he repeats instead.

 

To his amusement, their cheeks immediately redden.

 

Good gods, they need more sunlight, they’re paler than Maria was.

 

They rub the back of their neck, embarrassed.

 

“No? I’m not that good at singing.”

 

And some self-confidence. Are they this nervous in combat?

 

“I was just humming, I’m sorry if–”

 

He interrupts, “Why are you apologizing?”

 

They shrink a bit and he can hear Ludwig lamenting his people skills, already poor before his confinement. He prefers teaching over reassurance.

 

Gehrman tries a different approach.

 

“What can you hear?”

 

They blink, tilting their head to listen, the burnt feather edges of their cap making them even more birdlike.

 

Hm, I wonder if Eileen is still the Hunter of Hunters.

 

“Wind. The fire. Messengers chittering,” they frown, focusing.

 

“And what does Yharnam sound like?”

 

Their expression blanks for a moment.

 

“Before nightfall,” he clarifies.

 

“Um. Dogs, people moving inside their homes. Quiet talking, birds. Water in the canal. Wind, fire crackling. Huntsmen walking around,” they list.

 

He lifts an eyebrow.

 

“Oh,” they realize what he’s getting at. “It’s a lot quieter here. There’s less, uh, life.”

 

“I might prefer quiet over dozens of talking people, but that’s a preference, not–” he gestures around them.

 

“That’s a choice.”

 

Well, this was a choice, too, but not one he knew the extent of.

 

Their expression suggests they’re familiar with choices being taken from them.

 

“Your humming, or singing, isn’t a problem. You’re welcome to continue.”

 

They nod hesitantly.

 

He leaves.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

After that, he hears Taylor humming in the Dream, sometimes singing softly enough he can only catch some of the words.

 

(“...my sunshine, my only sunshine...”)

 

They always turn to humming or simply stop when they notice him.

 

They’ll come looking for him at times, if only to say hello, sometimes asking questions or showing him something they’ve found.

 

He almost starts laughing when they show him a Reiterpallasch and Chikage they recovered from Cainhurst. He’s less amused when they explain they found an unopened summons addressed to them, even less so when they admit they accepted a covenant with the Vileblood Queen.

 

They grudgingly tell him what happened in Cainhurst, about Logarius and the Vileblood slaughter, how the grounds are overrun with bloodlickers and dead women roam the halls.

 

He doesn’t know how to feel about that.

 

Maria’s mother came to the funeral to see her daughter again, refusing to look at any of the hunters. Her cousin, Cole, spent ten minutes glaring at Gehrman, blaming him for his cousin’s death.

 

He doesn’t disagree.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Taylor brings more weapons to show him, ones they found in Yharnam or the dungeons.

 

They’re extremely delighted to show him ones recovered from the dungeons, enamored with the Beast Cutter and Boom Hammer.

 

He shows them a picture of the Whirligig Saw, telling them it was designed by the Powder Kegs, who also made their Rifle Spear and the Boom Hammer.

 

Their eyes glitter in excitement.

 

Perhaps telling them about it was a mistake.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

They find some of Teague’s old writing from before he shortened his name. He would be delighted someone else who rejected gender would take his name.

 

Teagan looks far livelier than when they first arrived.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

He finds himself humming as he puts them back together, stitching their chest closed.

 

A beast didn’t do this. This was done by a knife, someone was careful and deliberate. Someone with experience carved them open.

 

(“H–help...”)

 

He shouldn’t have let himself become this attached. Once the hunt ends, they’ll be gone, forgetting all of this. He and Plain Doll will be alone once more.

 

He keeps humming and putting them back together.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

He finds himself humming the tune again while working on a Saw Cleaver.

 

He’s accepted this isn’t a dream, which leaves him with time travel. Somehow he’s in the past, before the first Blood Moon, before his contract.

 

Before Maria’s suicide and Teague’s death.

 

Before Teagan.

 

He’s sure they had something to do with this. If it were a dream, he’d say Flora was responsible but it isn’t.

 

Are they somewhere in the past? Or did they take his place?

 

No. Why would he have been pushed into the past if they had? So where are they? What happened to them?

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Teague, unsurprisingly, comes to find him, leans against the doorframe in silence.

 

“Still having too realistic dreams?”

 

He doesn’t answer.

 

“Or, uh, are you just not sleeping to avoid them?”

 

“Like you’re one to talk.”

 

Teague and Maria carried the most guilt over the hamlet. Maria threw herself into caring for her patients and Teague tried to run from it for a long time.

 

They all did. Sooner or later, it caught up to them. He hopes they at least found peace in death, but he doubts it.

 

Sometimes he thinks he got lucky, undying as he was. Other times he envies them for finding release from the guilt.

 

He wonders how Teague would react if he told him everything. Probably think he went mad. Perhaps he has. He has no proof anything he remembers happened at all.

 

Even his right leg is back, which keeps taking him by surprise. He keeps expecting pain when he walks for too long but it never comes. His memory isn’t failing him constantly and the world is no longer foggy.

 

It feels like a gift. It feels like a curse.

 

He shouldn’t have gotten so attached to Teagan, he shouldn’t have let them get so attached.

 

He has nothing of the dream but memories, a song he doesn’t even know the words to and the knowledge Teagan likely sacrificed something to give him a sunrise.

 

“... Gehrman, are you crying?” Teague asked.

 

He reaches up and finds tears.

 

“It would seem so.”

 

“Want to talk about it?”

 

“No.”

 

Teague snorts.

 

“Yeah, figured. It’s like pulling teeth with you. Between you and Maria, I’m about ready to get Ludwig involved. Let you two get motherhenned.”

 

“I’ll tell him you’re the one who broke his bedroom door.”

 

Teague holds his hands up in surrender, alarmed.

 

“Geez, alright, alright! No need to go that far, damn!”

 

He wipes the tears away.

 

“But, uh, seriously. I’m willing to listen.”

 

“I know. Go to sleep, if I have to wake you up in the morning, I’m using a bucket of water.”

 

“Only if you stop for the night and get some sleep yourself. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your shitty sleeping habits.”

 

He sighs but lays his tools down.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

“So!” Ludwig claps his hands, grinning brightly. “Someone from the south brought word of a village that had a three day long storm.”

 

Maria’s expression tightens. If he didn’t know what to look for now, Gehrman would have missed it. He kicks himself for missing it last time.

 

“And? Storms can be fucked up,” Teague said, picking at his nails.

 

“They aren’t normally preceded by a light burning through the woods and the waters rising several feet before the storm. It happened a month ago. They’ve requested assistance, the wildlife has turned aggressive and avoids the deep woods.”

 

“What is the village’s name?” Maria looks as she always had, but Gehrman can see the guilt and shame weighing on her now.

 

“Aramore. I thought us five could go investigate.”

 

“No, originally you wanted to take some new Hunters and I vetoed it because they wouldn’t be able to convince you not to adopt twenty children,” Laurence said, amused.

 

Ludwig waves him off.

 

“Bet we’re still coming home with a kid,” Teague jokes.

 

“Don’t jinx us, Amelia’s enough,” Gehrman said.

 

“Yes, my daughter is wonderful,” said Laurence, deliberately ignoring the two’s meaning. “She’d probably like a sibling. Or maybe one of you two will bring home a child.”

 

“Hell no, I’m not having kids ever.”

 

“I can barely tolerate adults, what makes you think I want a child?”

 

Teagan comes to mind. He doesn’t know when they were born or even their birth name but he thinks they would be the only child he’d choose to care for. Although, with his luck, he’d traumatize them more than they already were.

 

He turns his attention back to Ludwig, pushing the thoughts aside. The chances of him being able to find them again are low, especially without a birth year and family name. And even if he could find them again, he wouldn’t be able to do anything. They mentioned a mother once, clearly living and he’s not kidnapping a child.

 

It's pointless to consider.

 

He has nothing from the dream but memories and a song he doesn’t know the words to.

[firstknightss]

GWAINCELOT ESSAY THREE???

[commentary voice] ah yes and this gwaincelot essay.... which turned into a fic was inspired by @nextstopparis and @little-ligi

GWAINE TEACHING LANCELOT HOW TO READ. and thats how they actually CONFESS.

imagine gwaine seeing lancelot trip up reading leon’s plan for the day, seeing him trying to understand it. and gwaines, hes a little in love. Hes. Hes a little hit with feelings for this Noble (tm) knight. So OF COURSE he CANT EMOTION and he tries to show his affection for lancelot without yknow being in ‘loVE’

he comes over with his swishy hair and bantery tone like “oooOhHh LANCELOT! Lancey! Hey! Hello! Can’t read leon’s goddamn awful handwriting huh?”

And Lancelots embarrassed and flushes red and gwaine thinks hes Fucked Up (and he really doesn’t want to fuck this up, this is the first time he’s actually felt emotions this deep for someone) and tries to fix it panickedly, like the Anxiety Clown He Is.

He keeps on saying sorry and apologising, and Lancelot, the EVER CALM KNIGHT GUY, goes “it’s fine, it’s okay. It’s nothing to do with you...” and then he hesitates. He HESITATES. “....it’s just that...” and then he BITES HIS LIP and gwaine thinks he might just faint there and then, “...i cant read.”

and now it hits him, gwaine, gwaine, who thought literacy was something trash and something he didn’t really need, realises how important it is. and so, yknow because hes kind of wrapped in those Emotions (tm), he pulls lancelot’s sleeve after practice, when they’re alone in the changing room. (and if lancelot wasn’t so tired and miserable, he would have easily seen gwaine BLUSH)

And he, shyly asks if lancelot wouldnt mind being tutored by him.

Now Lancelot is OVERJOYED, and he’s borderline CRYING because lancelot, poor old village boy lancelot who’d been kicked out of the knights of camelot, and had to become a MERCENARY and fight for masters who didn’t care for him, has NEVER HAD someone literally CARE about him so much. (Apart from Merlin. He loves merlin <3)

so now imagine lancelot waking up an hour early the next morning, and showing up into gwaine’s room. He knows gwaine literally doesnt sleep with a lock, so he just barges in, and starts shaking gwaine.

Now GWAINE sleeps like a Log (had so much shit going on irl, time to sleep it away) and when he opens his bleary eyes, seeing lancelot in one of his stupid v neck shirts over him, hes like “....h...helo??”

and lancelot’s all like. “We- werent YOU gonna give me reading lessons.” And gwaine nods, yawning (and in that moment lancelot thinks gwaine looks unimaginably cute, so cute that he wants to literally ruffle gwaine’s hair and run his hands through how silky and brown it is.)

THEN gwaine pulls on the dont care-ish mask, and makes his arms into a pillow under his head, as he leans against the wall behind his bed, in some kind of somewhat???flirty??? manner??? [i dont...i dont know what hes trying to do. On the other hand! Not does Lancelot :) ]

Lancelot, does not realise this is gwaine’s poor attempt at flirting - since he’s seen gwaine ACTUALLY flirting and this is like. Nothing. And its also poorly executed. Which is NOTHING like gwaine.

So he pulls gwaine’s arm, and half hauls him out of bed.

As gwaine’s head crashes into lancelot’s stomach, he can smell lancelot’s clothes. They smell of flowers, and cotton and everything so natural and gwaine, who literally smells of wine, and wood and Tavern. (And aftershave, or the 500AD equivalent)

[see here, see im trying to bring themes of dionysis okay. OkayyyyyyyyY. yours truly likes looking at greek mythology. And both these two complete dionysis]

Gwaine, in his sleepy stupor, nestles his head on Lancelot’s hip, who gives a sigh and stands there. One hand clutching gwaine’s, leaving the other free.....

....to rake through his soft, flowy brown hair. And twirl his fingers through its waves, and Gwaine cuddles in further.

And since Lancelot left the door open, Leon (the other bitch who wakes up at 4am to do idk nothing) sees them two...like that, illuminated by the SUNLIGHT behind them, and smiles a little.

And then he trips over the stairs, the moment is lost.

Gwaine and Lancelot pull away at the same time, and gwaine’s face turns back to “ha ha im a Jerk (tm)” and if he wasnt too busy trying to hide how flustered he was, he’d see Lancelot looking at him the way he used to look at GWEN.

They both blink and look at each other, understandingly, neither of them to speak of this again.

And then Gwaine drags himself out of bed, and Lancelot raises his eyebrows as he watches him (totally not checking him out) haul out a book from his cupboard.

Gwaine’s too sleepy for this, he keeps yawning and rubbing his eyes (looking like a cat, Lancelot notes) and Lancelot takes a deep breath, his eyes understanding.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Lancelot, I love..” he bites his tongue, cursing his half asleep mind “..doing this, and love hanging out with you...I just cant stay up this early.”

Reading lessons, from now on, are at 1:30am-whenever Gwaine and Lancelot stop rambling about Odysseus and Circe and Telemachus

[i dont know any other ancient books apart from like. Ancient greek/Roman ones. So i guess. Its not historically accurate,,,,BUUIT this is a fanfic for a pair who had like no scenes together SO i think i can take some ✨creative liberties✨]

Lancelot has heard of the journey of Aneas from travelling bards, singing songs in his native old english. Gwaine’s eyes are quick at latin, and he learnt the flaws of Romulus and Remus in his pure latin. Gwaine’s a good teacher, and lancelot is a quick study, and it’s not long before they’re arguing over which Goddess caused the most harm in the Illiad.

Gwaine’s never met someone who he could reveal that he loved reading to, he loved doing.

Lancelot’s never met someone who he could tell he couldn’t read, and ask if they could teach him, love learning.

They make it work.

The other knights notice, of course they notice. Percival notices how Lancelot stumbles into the Gwaine’s room at night, bright eyed. Elyan notices Lancelot and Gwaine’s voices from Gwaine’s room opposite him; sometimes slow, Gwaine speaking slowly and Lancelot following; sometimes heated and passionate.

(They’re arguing. They’re arguing about how to pronounce Minerva)

Merlin finds the two, in the early hours of the morning - when the birds are figuring what song they sing today - on Gwaine’s bed.

Gwaine leaned against the bedframe, his trousered legs splayed over the sheets. Loosely braided, long brown hair fell over his closed eyelids, his mouth in a small smile.

And Merlin follows his arm draped over Lancelot, snuggled beside him, his head on his broad shoulder, every breath of wind pushing against curly black hair, making it almost /bounce/. His eyes are covered by the other man’s hair, and he looks...content. More content than Merlin has ever seen him.

He slips out as quietly as he came in, and smirks, hes gotta tell arthur they finally got their shit together oh GOD

Its no surprise to anyone but them, when Arthur pulls Lancelot out of training, and into his chambers.

“I’m glad you’ve found someone Lancelot.” He starts, his face geniune, his voice giving away hints of relief. (He thought he was never going to see his knight smile again after all the ordeals that had happened to him)

“Oh...” Lancelot’s heart sinks, “...how did you find out, Sire?”

Arthur blinks, taking in the change of mood in Lancelot, maybe it wasn’t anything important, maybe they were trying to keep it casual, hell they didnt want the king knowing.

“I- uh, I just noticed...” Goddamnit Merlin, and Goddamn his need to tell him everything he saw. (Merlin had advised him not to do this, as they sat on his bed after a long night. This was really his fault.)

Lancelot pales, and he places his hands down on the table beside him, palms slapping stone as he did so.

“Well, I guess I should tell you the whole truth then,” his voice is quiet, and Arthur steps closer, “Sire I am not of Noble birth, and was born in a village - as you know.”

Arthur nods, his arms crossed, but his Kingly Bravado fell away at the sight of his knight, and one of his closest friends, being this vulnerable.

“Yes I know, but what does this ha-“

“And we children in the village we-“ he falters, “-we were never taught to read.”

“Yes, no I understand, I-“ he pauses, Lancelot’s words hitting him a bit too late, this was about literacy?

This, this whole conversation was about literacy?

Not being gay?

Merlin was going to have a field day

“Sire?”

“I understand Lancelot, and is this why you feel a little out of place with the other knights?” He carries it on, with a smile, he has a few questions to ask merlin.

“Yes, and that’s why I asked Gwaine to tutor me from time to time, although, the sessions carry through late into the night, which may have been affecting my performance at practice. I’ll have you know that this is a temporary th-“

“It’s fine Lancelot,” Arthur places a hand on his shoulder, “You are still exceptional at practice,”

“Thank you Sire,” Lancelot twinkles.

✨

“Theyre, theyre not together?” Merlin cant stop laughing, tears streaming down his face, “theyre not TOGETHER?? oh my God arthur what did you DO”

They sit together on Arthur’s bed, drinking wine from stemless cups together, with Arthur recounting the events of the day; red faced.

“I mean, it was your idea Merlin.”

“I just saw them, and I assumed...I didnt...I didnt think youd ASK them.”

“What do you think I’d do then?? Let them be on their merry way.”

“Yes!”

✨

“Do you like me?” Gwaine asks, unexpectedly, one night, the moon vibrant against the loud sea.

“You’re...tolerable...” Lancelot says, a smile tugging at his lips, as the silver moonlight falls against his hair, a halo around him.

✨

The knights give them the look every morning, as the two of them stumbled out of the same room, more frequently than ever.

Sometimes Lancelot would throw on Gwaine’s shirt, when he’d crumpled his own beyond repair. Sometimes Gwaine would put some of Lancelot’s hair oil on, when his hair was frizzy.

They gave each other knowing looks when Gwaine and Lancelot started whispering and giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls.

✨

And then Stupid gwaine had to go get fucking stabbed, and their delicate dance was like trying to waltz through a minefield.

Lancelot clutches onto Gwaine’s arm as Merlin feels his forehead with shaking hands.

“He’s burning up.”

“Infection...?” Lancelot sounds broken, and nods, fumbling with his pack to find some bandages.

It was just a simple quest; a save the day, get the girl, do various harmless shenanigans type of quest.

He’d half expected Gwaine to get the girl, and he cant help but give out a half choked laugh. Gwaine had no idea what hit him when she turned out to be the evil one all along.

He tries to forget that Gwaine showed no interest in her, he tries to forget that Gwaine’s been less frequent at the Tavern, he tries to forget that he hasn’t seen Gwaine with anyone since months now.

Gwaine, his beautiful Gwaine was lying on his lap, hot red blood rushing from his side, staining his polished chainmail with dark, sticky blood.

He’s been out for nearly an hour now, and Lancelot remembers carrying him, through the entire forest, forgetting his sword and his helmet and just grabbing Gwaine and getting the shit out of there.

Gwaine’s lack of self preservation was really rubbing off on Lancelot nowadays.

Merlin watches as Lancelot holds back tears, his own eyes stinging. Gwaine can’t die like this, he can’t die like this....

“hælan beorn adl”

Merlin’s eyes flashed gold, and Lancelot could feel warmth coming back into the fingers he was grabbing.

He was coming back.

And then the weight of everything hits him.

He was in Fucking Love.

✨

“Hey.” Gwaine’s voice is rough from disuse, but Lancelot nearly sobs when he hears the voice.

“Don’t fucking do that to me again, amor meus.” He puts his head down on Gwaine’s chest; finding the hammering of his heart calming.

He shimmies onto Merlin’s bed, which Gwaine had been lying in for the past few days.

“Did you mean, ami meus?” Gwaine sounds tired, too tired to be awake.

“Huh? Did i say something else?” Lancelot decides to play dumb, a sparkle in his eyes,

“I thought I heard amor meus,” Gwaine pushes his nose into Lancelot’s hair, taking in the wonderful smell of coconut.

“Well then, at least your hearing’s okay, amor meus.”

Gwaine gulped, and was sure Lancelot could hear his loud swallow.

“Lancelot, I hope this isnt a big joke with me teachin you latin and all,” Gwaine’s voice is a little wobbly from the slee deprivation and the magic and the pain numbers, “because I’ll have you know that I really love you, and I cant go on like this any longer,”

“Its okay Gwaine, I learnt latin from the man I love, of course it’s not a joke.”

“The man you love? Who’s tha-“

Realisation hits him like a brick.

Oh.

Oh.

“Me?” His voice cracks, and Lancelot looks up, a smirk on his face.

“Of course dumbass.”

“Like I’m meant to know that,” Gwaine tries to keep his dont care-ish aura, but they both know he’s too exhausted to keep that up.

“mmm?”

Gwaine kisses him on the nose, and he wraps himself around him.

And thats how Merlin finds them later that day, eyes blinking as he stood there.

✨

“I’m glad you’ve found someone, Lancelot.” Arthur coughs.

“Is that what that whole talk was about???”

“Answer the question.” His words sound harsh, but he’s barely hiding a smile.

“I’m glad too, I’m Glad I found Gwaine too.” Lancelot blushes, turning to gwaine.

“Why are you asking anyway, Princess?”

“Oh just, making sure this time.”

[sixloid]

Hey, quick question... how do you do lineart and shading? I suck and desperately need advice... also love ur art <3

hi!! ty so much :] i use 2 drawing apps when i draw dont ask me why ig i like different brushes but for my sketches i draw on ibis paint most of the time and use This brush right here

for my lineart i often use procreate and use the narinder brush in the sketching section (and also doodle with it) bc it looks rlly nice and ive been drawing with it for a while now surprisingly bc i always tend to change brushes 😭

for lines i turn the layer to multiply then add a layer on top and set that one to clipping mask then i color the lines inside w a shade of pink and bc the lineart layer is set as multiply the pink will look darker idk if this makes sense?? i do that for all my lineart so yea WOW I SAID LINEART AND LAYER A LOT i May be stupid

ALSO for lineart dont hesitate with ur lines, its gonna make everything harder and ur gonna struggle and spend way more time on it instead just warm up beforehand a good way to do so would be to just trace lines until you get more comfy and also draw using the force in ur wrist and not ur arm!! i rlly love doing lineart now it may be my one of my fav parts i am an Outcast

for shading it just came with experience i guess…? i was rlly bad at shading at first So a few tips i learned along the way was to never shade w black bc it doesnt look nice (except if ur goign for that kind of aesthetic where it works) so i always shade w purple or pink colors set on multiply and it blends nicely,, also!! trying out a lot of things can help id suggest making a pinterest board or smth with art U like/are inspired by and try out some of the aspects just to practice things u wanna get better at and it can also help ‘develop’ ur artstyle!!

also for clothing folds and stuff Which was hell to shade for me i just studied w a lot of pics and now i Think im better at it idk help but studying always helps a lot in everything like when i dont know how to draw smth i Always use a reference pic and its a very good warmup!! also try to keep in mind a light source bc otherwise the shadows may contradict themselves but thats still fine as long as ur learning And there is no right way to do art dont overwork urself if you cant do something first try its fine art is a journey :)

SORRY IF THIS WAS KINDA LONG i hope this helps in Some way even if im bad at explaining but i rlly love answering stuff abt my art in general so :}

[ghostlypawn]

Hey, did you have any coloring tutorials regarding your pride headcanon gifsets? The coloring looks so nice and I wanted to try and attempt to use some coloring for my gifs but I dont know how

thank you !! its usually kinda specific to each gif but i can try! theres usually 2 ways i go about it

using the color overlay feature:

this is probably the easier one as it can be used with more scenes

you need to find a scene where the person you're giffing/the camera moves very little (here she moves a bit but its fine enough for me)

colour and sharpen the gif as you normally would

then create a new layer and simply colour the background in the colour you want

it will look ridiculous at first but then u wanna change the overlay setting from normal to color (the drop-down next to the opacity)

and it should look something like this:

and then sometimes i add a gradient (pink to transparent) on a new layer on each side if i want a bit pinker (i mess around with the opacity of this layer to whatever i think fits this is around 70% opacity)

it doesnt make a ton of difference here but i tend to use it more when there are things happening on the far left that i want to draw attention away from as it makes those areas more opaque

and thats basically it for this way!

the cons to this way are sometimes you can see gaps/overlap where the character moves at certain points of the gif

im usually pedantic about these things but its honestly not as noticable as you think it is and ive uploaded gifs that have overlap (i tend to think overlap is better than a gap but thats personal preference)

using selective colour:

this is harder to do as you need the background to be a specific colour (but i think it tends to look better)

this colour can be the colour you want the gif to be but from my experience blue backgrounds tend to be most easily manipulated

red/yellow/pink backgrounds are hardest to change as they affect the skin colour of the character (but it can sometimes work if the character doesnt move much as you can use a layer mask and erase your colouring from the person)

im gonna try and colour this gif (idk if it will work yet as the background is a greyish blue rather than a brighter blue like the sky would be but it should do)

colour and sharpen as normal (i also recommend using a blue/cool photo filter layer to really get rid of the yellow undertones the later cm seasons have it makes a world of difference for me but its up to you/how you colour things)

then from here honestly its a lot of trial and error; im gonna try and make it pinky purple

this is gonna be different for each gif but for reference i added 2 selective colour layers (as the bg is blue im only gonna change the cyan/blue and maybe black/green) and one hue/saturation

1st selective colour: GREEN (C = -100, M = +100, Y = -100) CYAN (C = -100, M = +100, Y = -23) BLUE (C = -100, M = +100, Y = -91) BLACK (C = +1, M = +13)

2nd selective colour: GREEN (C = -100, M = +100, Y = -100) CYAN (C = -100, M = +100, Y = -23) BLUE (C = -100, M = +100, Y = -91)

hue/saturation: (the background is now pinky/purple) MAGENTA (hue = +1, saturation = +32, lightness = +19)

this is my result:

as you can see their skin tone hasnt changed as i didnt touch the red/yellow selective colour options. if your background is one of these colour you could add a layer mask to that selective colour layer and erase the area of the person but this might cause effects similar to first version i showed you (gaps or overlap)

im still not entirely happy with it as firstly, luke is in the picture as we want to draw attention away from him and secondly, there are still some non-purple colours in the background

to fix this is once again use the color overlay feature from the first version to touch up some of the areas (i colourdrop a colour from the background) there shouldnt be much overlap/gapping as im not colouring precisely around their skin (and if there is it wont be as noticable as the background/shirt is the same colour)

and then to get rid of luke i simply draw over him in a colour from the background and then add a gradient and move it so the opaque side of the gradient is near the edge of where i stopped drawing over luke (i also transform it and mush it inwards so the more transparent side doesnt go all the way over to matt just next to him)

this is what it looks like finished!

it turned out pretty well considering it was a random video i had on hand !!

also dont be scared to experiment with overlays/opacity etc and its okay to realise that it’s just not working for this gif and scrapping (ive lost many gifs </3)

im not the best at explaining things but i hope this somewhat helped!! if you have anymore questions feel free to ask <3

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 12

post directory

obsetress: don’t ask why i had this thought because i couldn’t tell you but

obsetress: jamie wakes up in the middle of the night one night and is like “i... had a dream. about vi”

obsetress: and dani’s like “ok baby” and just nuzzles deeper into her pillow and jamie’s like

obsetress: “no, dani, a... a dream”

obsetress: and dani’s like “oh. oh” and is immediately wide awake and bright eyed

obsetress: and is like “was it any good?” and jamie is just. already flushed so red and flushed deeper and dani just hums

em: sighs wistfully

em: i also love that something compels jamie to tell dani Immediately

em: oh the perils of begrudgingly being friends w ur gfs ex

em: jamies like um. no see i can see all these different things my brain mashed together and WHY i had this dream and danis like ok but that wasn’t my question....

obsetress: jamie finally throws up her hands “of course it was”

em: jamie: And You Can’t Tell Vi She’ll Be Insufferable

obsetress: dani, very plainly, at brunch the next morning: so vi

obsetress: jamie looks like she’s going to have a heart attack and dani lets her sweat and then just smiles sweetly “i like those sunglasses. are they new?”

em: jamie what’s the problem (nothin. indigestion)

obsetress: dani very smug n thinks she’s very funny

obsetress: (she is a little funny)

em: one of jamies many ‘oh that’s why they dated’ moments

obsetress: “fookin sick, the both of ya”

em: idk why you had this thought but i’m GREATLY amused

obsetress: skskksksks right

obsetress: jamie explaining her dream to dani in great detail afterwards

obsetress: dani sitting there nodding and hmming “oh that sounds like her. no, she wouldn’t do that. now THAT she would be very good at, you’d like it”

em: i need a moment

em: jamie thinks the dark hides her massive fucken blush but it Doesn’t

em: dani can feel her heating up

obsetress: jamie “i don’t ask you to do this” dani “you’re not stopping me”

em: dani critiquing jamies sex dream is such a fucken funny concept sjdhdkhdkdhdkc

obsetress: RIGHT

obsetress: i’m dying

em: dani: oh no that’s OOC

obsetress: she wouldn’t have a riding crop jamie, it’s 2021, not 16—

em: jamie: it’s a wet dream do u really think it’s gonna have beta readers and a three act structure

em: dani hums

obsetress: dani: well did you enjoy it

obsetress: jamie: i— dani: did you?

obsetress: jamie mumbling yeah

em: jamies like i’m gonna interrogate dani next time, see how she feels- but she forgets dani is incapable of feeling shame

obsetress: like dani wouldn’t just launch into a ramble

---

em: viola

obsetress: fuck

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: to jamie, specifically,

em: to jamie specifically andhdjhdjd

em: once again ironic jamvi has turned, in my brain, into ‘yes and....’ jamvi

—-

obsetress:

obsetress: jamie sending this to viola n vi's like

obsetress: she doesn't get it because she's convinced her taste is immaculate

---

em: anyway this is ooc even for exes au but i keep thinking abt like. jamie tryna crack how old viola is (she cant be 34 im 30 it doesnt make sense) and going through her fb timeline like. 'aha! motivational quotes. gotta be late 30s' and danis either like

em: danis either like 'you have a notebook where you write down all the quotes you like baby' OR shes like haha ok thats fair (posts another motivational quote on her fb)

obsetress: god i love that so much

obsetress: both of those dani responses are

obsetress: honestly porque no los dos if we're already going ooc

obsetress: i do think the first bit "gotta crack it she can't be 34 i'm 30 it doesn't make sense" is in character fwiw

em: obviously i was inspired by ur post in the milf channel abt viola always saying shes 35

em: big brain

—-

obsetress: this is literally just. exes au rebecca

obsetress: down to the caption

obsetress: vi and rebecca patiently staging like full photoshoots for each other every time one of them wants a pic otp: i'm not high maintenance, you're just low effort

---

em: bold 2 say that we don’t think about jamie and vi tho

em: gotta keep some sorta. presentation of respectability

em: they absolutely couldn’t date tho

obsetress: lmao ikr

obsetress: yeah no they'd kill each other

obsetress: now just thinking of silly circumstances and um

obsetress: rebecca's out of town and dani's flying back from some iowa thing jamie couldn't get away for to go with

obsetress: and viola's like "oh, just stay at ours, it's closer and i'll get you a car"

obsetress: and just like

obsetress: imagining the two of them cohabitating at vi's for a night

em: jamie sneaking around at night tryna find the bathroom and runs straight into vi in a face mask and a dangerously low dressing gown Again

obsetress: the parallels to canon

obsetress: im giggling

obsetress: walks straight into her path

em: opens a door. sees something she doesn’t want to see. immediately turns and walks away

em: god the face mask would make her look like the lady in the lake

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: vi wants to go out to dinner, jamie's just like "i'm already getting up early to go to the airport, can't we just have an easy night in"

em: what did i say before. that thing abt if ur friends w damie you will inevitably walk in on them

obsetress: god yeah

em: flip of that.

obsetress: oh GOD

em: god they would argue about dinner

em: bicker about EVERYTHING

em: dani and rebecca both make the married couple joke

em: jamie goes pale

obsetress: wait sorry i just went back to tahirahs insta post and like

obsetress: katie parker commented and was like "i love these shots of you" and she was like "thanks luv " and i'm like

obsetress: why does this....... still track........... with exes au...............

em: perdy is always a little too flirty w vis paramours

obsetress: always! except dani for whatever reason

obsetress: she's just scared of dani

em: Please

obsetress: rebecca's like "i don't see what the problem is. she can do what she wants, but you trust me, don't you?" "of course i trust you" rebecca shrugs "that's it then, isn't it?"

obsetress: anyway vi huffs n crosses her arms n pouts a little bit and is like "well i don't want her to"

obsetress: rebecca is endeared and uses the opportunity to her advantage like the top leaning switch she is

em: dani rebecca parallels: always dtf

obsetress: perdi and vi fighting and vi's like "are you even gay? or do you just want what i have?" and perdi is like "does it matter?"

em: are you even gay perdi nahdkdhdkdhd

em: perdi is like you KNOW about jamie and viola crinkles her nose bc she forgot about that and she’s starting to respect jamie as a person

obsetress: djflakdkfjldkadjLDJFLSKDFJLSDKFJx

obsetress: i screeched

em: viola: you only MET jamie because i hired her for landscaping you fucking-

obsetress: just thinking about perdita watching jamie working on some property sweating in a tank top and Deciding

em: bringing out some lemonade etc

em: haha you look parched

obsetress: smiling widely, turning on the charm

obsetress: jamie is very attractive and very swoonworthy, but perdita 100% only goes for it because she refuses to let viola have one (1) thing

obsetress: and that extends to lesbianism

em: viola's like no this is normal right. siblings competing. rivalries etc and danis like uh i’m an only child and jamies like uh i raised my brother

em: they don’t know how to tell her sure it happens but it’s also extremely fucken weird vi

obsetress: jamie: you have to tell her dani: why do i have to tell her jamie: you tell her everything dani: i don't tell her–– ok, i tell her most things. i'm not sure i want to tell her this though jamie: why not dani: she's not... she's not gonna like it jamie: So You Might Be A People Pleaser,

em: jamie: i can’t tell her. she’s only just forgotten the perdi thing. what if she remembers i’ve

em: in depth character study of viola and perdi’s fucked up rivalry

em: violas like goddamn it do i have to fuck jamie to get even

obsetress: i––

em: she decides against it

em: jamie is none the wiser

obsetress: she Considers it tho

em: jamie would die on the spot if she knew

obsetress: weighs the pros and cons

obsetress: the best part is like

obsetress: this is all post-danvi and pre-damie right so when dani n jamie see rebecca and vi at that video store

obsetress: viola's like wait.

obsetress: wait

obsetress: dani ending up with the hot gardener her sister fucked because she has bizarre jealousy and possession issues is really just the cherry on top of a shit sundae

em: the funniest part of all our very tangled lore is like

em: none of it contradicts bc it’s even funnier when it’s Extremely Ugly And Messy

em: because lesbians are just... like that

---

obsetress: exes au au where viola did fuck jamie, the video rental shop scene is 100 times more awkward

em: don’t think about it don’t think about it dont

em: i am thinking about it

em: jamie has to deal with having been railed by all three of them instead of just the two

em: it feels very uneven to her bc rebeccas a doll, dani, u don’t understand, and ur only running into one ex,

obsetress: talk about the mortifying ordeal of being known

obsetress: "wait, that's your ex?" "yeah" "dani" "what" "dani" "what" jamie's voice is hushed but a lil pitchy and a lot panicky "i think i fucked your ex" "you think?" "i fucked your ex" "you fucked her or she fucked you? because i'm sorry, baby, but i really don't think––"

em: sorry, baby, but i really don’t think-

em: SCREAMED

obsetress: that might be my fave lil bit i've ever written adlfkjasdklf

em: dani being a little too interested in jamie getting railed is like. everything to me

obsetress: jamie's already big blushing

em: a little secret between hannah obsetress and em cowlesbian but i am So thinking abt it

em: patreon exclusive exes au au

[em edit: you can imagine how long this lasted]

obsetress: no one is happy about this situation except dani, who is delighted

em: after, jamie's like. what did u mean by u don’t think that...

em: puffs out her chest

em: i could have-

em: danis like yeah but i know u didn’t did u

obsetress: dani clayton ilu

em: danis like um

em: completely unprompted bc dani ‘finishes a conversation 5 hours later’ is really funny to me

em: danis like i did tho

em: jamies like can you DROP IT

em: she’s SMUG

em: she’s so pleased w herself

obsetress: in bed with the lights off jamie's pulling the sheets up and closing her eyes afterthought

obsetress: just a happy lil hum and an "i did, though"

obsetress: and jamie knows IMMEDIATELY what she's talking about

em: dani never lets jamie live it down

obsetress: never!

obsetress: they'll be washing dishes one day "hey baby?" "hmm" "you slept with a landlord"

em: oh um. flipping the whole ‘experienced jamie virginal dani’ trope everyone loves but

em: i love the idea of dani being like hey jamie did u ever- and jamies like (grumbles) does it matter

em: dani is mentally applying a gold star to her chart

obsetress: ksdljfskdfjlsdjflksdjaf

obsetress: the gold star

em: at this point dani is absolute just tryna tease jamie so she’s like oh well when- and jamies like ok i get it

em: jamie Pretends not to be a little interested

obsetress: meanwhile vi and rebecca very matter of factly swapped stories the first day they Realized

obsetress: vibecca swapping stories and their stories complimenting each other so well that they're like well. hmm

obsetress: glad those two found each other

em: two praise kinks u say

em: ok sorry one more thought i’m thinking abt like

em: jamie staying over (idk if this is before or during damie) and viola and perdi are having yet another spat on the phone and violas like

em: no you ALWAYS do this, whatever you think you’re doing with rebecca-‘ and she barely hears some muffled sorta ‘oh, sorry, remember jamie-

em: and jamies doing the maths. hmm

em: jamies like actually i refuse to examine this further. self care

em: brings it up with dani later and dani LOSES her shit laughing

em: haha jamie you got willoughby’ed

obsetress: SCREAMS

obsetress: you got willoughby'd

obsetress: how does one get willoughbyd asking for a friend

em: yeah same asking for a friend

obsetress: dani, gigglesnorting: wait, you hooked up with... with perdi?

obsetress: (dani hates perdita because viola hates perdita and it is a deep seated hatred she refuses to unlearn)

obsetress: a loyalty strange and enduring, despite it all

em: to be fair perdi is the Worst

em: all of these characters i love to make sympathetic and then perdi is where i draw the line akdhdkhd

em: it’s funnier if she’s awful

em: like a viola that never gets therapy

obsetress: lldjfkaskldfj god same

obsetress: it's too good

em: danis like wait hold on. lemme get a pen

em: makes a silly little chart

em: if the fandom tries to make jamie into a shane the l word character i will simply take that and make jamie mortified abt her uh. well! a pretty girl is nice to her and she forgets how to behave

em: jamie's like oh sure like u don’t have embarrassing flings- and danis like yeah but i don’t interact w them on a daily basis jamie

em: also i didn’t fuck perdi

obsetress: skskskflsdflks

obsetress: "you did fuck perdi though, right? because that just be embarrassing, jamie, if she had been the one who..."

em: skgsdjhdkdhdk

em: jamie grumbles something abt pillow princesses and dani like

em: CLAPS her hands in glee

obsetress: jlsdjflkJSDFKJSDFJ

obsetress: GOD

obsetress: she's immediately pulling out her phone to text vi

em: jamies like why would u message her sister that u freak n danis like oh no theyre very open with each other it’s uh. hmm. anyway

[sarah-writes-marvel]

Without A Scratch: Avengers x gn!Reader

S.S.: Hello, heres another fic. I know Im very inconsistent with writing but Im working on it! Thanks to everyone who likes my posts I really appreciate it!! Hope you like this one!

Warnings: Car crash!!, police officers, medical staff, panic attacks... idk what else, let me know if I missed something!

Word Count: 1,834

* I know it says Avengers x Reader, but it only features Tony, Nat and Bucky.... :)

** Mx: gender neutral for Mrs., Miss, or Mr. jsut an fyi for anybody who doesnt know! 

MASTERLIST

---------------------------------------

There was a distant ringing in my ears. The sound of honking horns and brakes screeching to a stop and sirens seemed muffled. The sun seemed brighter than it had been. My body was buzzing with adrenaline and the feeling in my fingers was gone.There was debris amongst the road, pedestrians standing along the road or with one foot out of their car looking over their opened doors.

“Oh my god, are you alright?” a grey-haired woman stopped my wandering, her hands placed on my shoulders. Others stood next to her, barely within my vision through my helmet.

“I think so.” I mumbled, turning around to the wreck that I had just barely escaped with my life. My motorcycle laid in pieces off to the side of the intersection. The car that had run through the red light was wrecked, the front slightly crumpled from impact.

Police cars surround the area, immediately blocking off the road and encouraging pedestrians and drivers to detour. Emergency medical staff jumped from the ambulances, two coming towards where I stood with the older woman, and two to the man who looked unconscious in the front seat.

“Mx, my name is Alex Khan and this is my partner Trey Alpin. Do you know your name?” His voice was urgent and demanding, but not aggressive.

“My name is Y/f/n Y/l/n.” My voice wavered and shock began to overwhelm my senses. My hands grasped at my helmet, struggling to pull it off.

“Hold on, let me help you. We don't want to add insult to injury.” his partner insisted his hands hooking under my helmet and carefully pulling it off of my head. 

“Alright Ms. Moon. Can you walk?” and despite it sounding like the dumbest question considering I was standing right in front of them, my knees gave out before giving them an answer. “We’ve got you.”

I turned to the older woman who still stood there with her hand covering her mouth and tears welling in her eyes. “Thank you.”  she replied with a simple nod and a reassuring smile before the two paramedics helped me to the back of one of the ambulances at the scene.

“Is the driver alright?” I asked after they sat me on the end of the truck, a shock blanket wrapped around my shoulders.

“Lets focus on you first then we’ll get an update on him for you.” Alex smiled. 

Trey stood to the next to him jotting down notes, before setting it to the side as Alex moved to the other ambulance.

“Stare at my finger for me.” he said, holding his index finger in front of my face before shining a light into my eyes, checking for the pupil's reaction. “Good, no concussion.” He said with a reassuring smile.

He wrote it down amongst the other notes on the clipboard before turning back. “Do you mind taking off your gear so I can check for breaks or sprains?” I nodded quietly, shrugging off the shock blanket and tugging at the zipper of the leather jacket covering my top.

“Also do you have someone that you can call?” He asked, filling the silence as I winced pulling my arms from the sleeves.

“I do but my phone was in my bike’s hideaway compartment. So I highly doubt it's functional anymore.” I said, giving a small smile.

“No worries, you can borrow a phone from any of us after I check you over for injuries.”

 His hands were cold compared to my burning skin as he ran them down my arms, moving my wrists careful of the road rash across my knuckles that wore through my gloves. “Does that hurt?” I shook my head no as he repeated the same motions on my other arm receiving the same response.

His hands moved to the back of my neck squeezing along the sides of my spine, eliciting a slight wince from me. “Did that hurt?”

“Just a little.” 

“Sorry” he pressed his lips together and his eyebrows furrowed. He stepped to the side continuing down my back with one hand without any other trouble. “Just some slight whiplash, nothing major, just be cautious with activities.”

He moved back in front of me, his hands settling on my highest rib, slowly trailing down my sides before I grimaced at the gentle touch he was using. “Sorry” he muttered before continuing.

“So that might be a break or just a crack but you'll have to take a ride with us to get that x-rayed.”

“Uhm, can I actually make my call while you continue to check me over?” I asked quietly, my mind still a little muddled with the fact that I was sitting in the back of an ambulance with a fractured rib being my worst injury.

“Of course.” He pulled his phone from his uniform pocket, unlocking the screen and opening the keypad. “Here you go. I'm just going to run over your legs and then wrap your hands.” I only nod in confirmation as I begin typing in the number.

After a few rings, the line clicked. “Tony Stark who is this and why are you calling me?”

“Tony…” My voice cracked trying to hold back the tears that had begun to form in my eyes.

“Y/n/n? What happened? Friday get a read on the call.” he called to the A.I. frantically.

“I got into a wreck.” I said my voice wavering as tears threatened to spill over “Im at 42nd and 11th.”

“On it.” And with that the call ended, and the panic set in.

“Thanks. Can I get oxygen or something? I- I cant breath.” I say handing Trey his phone back, my hands shaking and my breathing become erratic.

“Yea, of course one second.” He agreed hopping into the truck grabbing a tank and mask, setting up and bringing it back to me. I held the mask over my nose doing my best to take calming breaths as he brought the blanket back over my shoulders.

Commotion amongst the street caused me to open my eyes back up to see Tony in his Ironman suit landing next to the street blocked signs. A black lamborghini pulled up behind him, Bucky and Nat stepping out. It was amusing to watch the police hold their hands out, trying to block the trio from entering into the restricted area, but with a flip of a badge from Nat and a scolding from Tony, they stepped aside. 

The trio took a minute analyzing the damage, noting the obliterated bike that belonged to their second youngest Avenger. The plastic and metal spread across the street casting shadows from the flashing red and blue lights. The car that was stopped in the middle of the intersection with the hood crumpled. 

“Oh my god, Y/n/n.” Nat was the first to wrap me carefully into a hug. “Are you ok? What happened?” Bucky and Tony stood behind her both with rage in their eyes.

“Some guy ran a red light. I’m ok.” I said casting my gaze to the other ambulance where it seemed that the driver was still unresponsive.

“The only points of concern are thier minor whiplash, the road burns and fractured ribs 5-7 on the left side. I suggest getting an xray to make sure they are only fractures and nothing more and a CT scan for any other internal injuries that I can't diagnose here. I would offer a ride to the hospital but I realize that you will have better medical technology at the Avengers Tower.” Trey listed, smiling at the three Avengers standing there.

“Thank you very much for taking care of her. Apply at Stark Industries, I’ll find a place for you on the medical staff.” Tony smiled.

“Let's get you home.” Bucky spoke quietly, and I agreed adamantly.

“They’ll have to report to one of the police officers before leaving the scene.” Trey reminded us as I grabbed my jacket and helmet.

“Thank you.” Nat said, helping me from my spot. “Can you walk?” I nodded. Setting down the oxygen and dropping the blanket from my shoulders. I gripped onto her hand and pushed against the ambulance bed with the other to get onto my feet.

I took a minute to find my balance, hanging onto Nat for support. Her arm was wrapped around my waist as she helped me walk over to one of the police officers.

“Are you the motorbike rider?”

“Yes sir.” I replied, releasing my grip on Nat, noting that Bucky and Stark were standing closely behind on guard.

“I just have some routine questions for you quickly.” I nodded my head and he began asking the questions.

After the officer finished his follow up he thanked me before Nat began to pull me away from the scene.

“Wait. I asked about the driver of the car. I haven't heard anything.” I stopped turning around to see paramedics surrounding the bed of the other ambulance.

“Honey, don't worry about him. Come on let's get you home.” Nat insisted. I pulled away from her grip stumbling slightly.

“Just because he ran a red light and hit me doesn't make him any less important. I just want to check to make sure he’ll recover.” I argued before making my way over to the commotion.

The paramedics and a few police officers were congregated near the end of the ambulance as I approached. I could hear the orders for medical equipment being called out as I grew closer.

“Excuse me.” I tapped on someone's shoulder. 

“Y/n? Why are you still here?” Trey asked once he had turned to see me.

“I asked earlier about the driver. Will he make a recovery?” I asked peaking over his shoulder to watch paramedics lifting the stretcher into the back.

“He’ll make a full recovery. He'll be spending a few years in prison for this though. If you're worried about insurance coverage dont worry. Officers will get that sorted when he's responsive.” Trey explained.

“Oh, I’m not worried about that. I just wanted to make sure he’ll make a recovery. Thank you.” I smiled before turning back to the three Avengers waiting at the police barricade.

“Ready to go?” Bucky asked as I joined them. I simply nodded my head as Nat wrapped her arm around me again leading me to the car.

“Let’s go get you healed up. I heard Cho is working on something with broken bones. Maybe you can be a guinea pig!” Tony exclaimed with a smile.

“As intriguing as that sounds I doubt that I’m stable enough to endure whatever it may be.” I replied as I settled into the front seat of the car.

“Fair enough.” Tony smiled. “Im proud of you ya know. For that little thing you just did. For understanding that his life is still important.”

“I learned from the best.” I looked at the three of them, each having a proud smile across their face.

-----------------------------

S.S: Hope you all liked it!! Again dont be afraid to request. I also realize that alot of my fics seem to have a little (or lot) of angst. Ill try and make some more fluffy fics soon! Thanks for reading!