#masculine lesbian awareness week

[thehealingsystem]

heyy it's masculine lesbian awareness week again! it runs through august 1st-7th, and the visibility day is on the 4th. feel free to celebrate it how you'd like! (and remember, this week is inclusive of ALL lesbians)

[januscorner]

Lesbian Stephanie Putty Stimboard

🖤🖤🖤 🖤🖤 🖤🖤🖤

[thelazzyblogzz]

My butchers!1!1!1!1!1 happy birthday week!!1!1!1!1!1! Go crazy!1!1!1!1!1!1!!1 kill some peoples!1!1!1!!1!1!1!1!1

[vyvilha]

happy masculine lesbian awareness week! love to butch lesbians, transmasc lesbians, he/him lesbians, lesbians on t, all lesbians who don't conform to gender expectations <3

[our-queer-experience]

Okay this might be kind of long but i need to know if anyone else has experienced something similar. uhh Content warning for internalized transphobia/homophobia I guess

So basically I'm transmasc nonbinary and for the longest time I've thought of myself as a lesbian, and I've always been very uncomfortable with the idea of being with a guy, even before I knew I was queer at all. And like, I definitely am at least predominantly attracted to women, i don't usually find men attractive at all.

But recently I've started to really like this guy in a way that's pretty confusing since I already have a hard time distinguishing between romantic and platonic attraction. But also sometimes when I think about it too much it just feels so wrong and makes me uncomfortable.

I've struggled a lot with gender dysphoria and self acceptance related to being trans and I'm not sure if the discomfort is picturing myself with a cis guy makes me feel like id be the de-facto girl of the relationship (I realize what a weird thought that is but it has been also been a feeling I've experienced a lot in the past, note the aforementioned self acceptance issues.) Or if I'm feeling insecure about my masculinity in some way. He's bi and very accepting of my gender so it's not like he would only see me as a girl or anything but it still just feels wrong and icky somehow

Also it reminds me a bit of stories of people in denial about their sexuality like I've literally had the thought many times of if he was a girl I would totally want to date him no hesitation. so idk.

But it could also be that I'm just not actually attracted to him? Cause i love my friends very intensely and it could be that thinking about being romantically involved with him makes me uncomfortable because I'm not actually attracted to him, and i actually just really love him platonically? And also I'm usually only attracted to women so the fact that the only exception to that is someone I already really care about as a friend seems kind of suspicious?

Labels aren't really my concern here idgaf about what my sexuality is called I just feel like its so messy that I cant actually tell if i actually like him or not. because if i do actually want to like ask him out or something and then realize I'm not actually attracted to him that would be a fucking nightmare, especially since i really care about our friendship already.

TLDR: I cant tell if im not attracted to men or the thought of being with one just makes me feel really insecure about my gender. Has anyone else felt like being trans and dysphoria made understanding their sexuality and attraction really confusing???

i completely get this! im bisexual and have always been confident in my attraction to guys (minus maybe 2 weeks as a preteen when i wondered about lesbianism) but for me it comes with the sense that ill probably end up settling down with a woman because that is the way to Be A Man, and i cant be The Man when around another guy. masculinity is so competitive and while im aware of it, that makes it not easier to defeat, but easier to not be toxic and project it onto other people.

i think its the kind of thing that gets better with time and confidence. nothing you can rush. as for with your friend…. giving it time and thinking on it cant hurt. human relationships are really hard. knowing how you feel is really hard. i cant tell you what will fix your situation, but i can tell you that youre not alone.

[pickledpascal]

Long Story Short, It Was a Bad Time

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Castiel

Warnings: transphobia, homophobia, horrible parent john winchester, homophobic language, implied past prostitution, based on 14x13, angst with a happy-ish ending

A/N: in this, dean is trans and visually looks similar to another of jensen's characters, beau arlen.

Word Count: 4.8k

Jensen Ackles Masterlist

Dean Winchester had known he was a boy since he could talk. Hell, before he could talk. 

He wasn't aware he wasn't a boy until after his mother died and every single teacher in every single town they went to called him a girl and separated him into the girls' lines instead of the boys. It got increasingly mind-numbing as he entered his pre-teen years. His first period came around and his dad wasn't sure what to do. Pads were one of the most expensive supplies he had to buy and he never failed to make Dean feel bad about it at every turn. 

“Suck it up, Deanna.” 

“Don't go tellin’ anyone I don't do anything for you, Deanna.” 

“You better clean the garbage out when I get home, Deanna. I don't wanna see that.” 

The name itched him like a bad rash. Made him want to scream. But all he could do was cry. After John was gone and Sammy was asleep. 

His boobs were growing in and everything about his body felt wrong. He was glad he was naturally tall and that he was able to gain more muscle the more John let him go on hunts but it wasn't the same. His shoulders weren't as broad as the other guys in his class, his hips jutted out too much for his liking, and he hated his long hair. 

Dean cut it on his sixteenth birthday and told his father it was under the guise of wanting to be safe. Unpullable hair meant one less thing he had to worry about when it came to monsters. John looked at him suspiciously. He must have known. But he didn't blow up like Dean expected him to. That made the wrenching feeling in his gut twist more. There had to be a catch. 

He came out two weeks after that.

“Thank God.” Dean blinked at the reaction. “I thought I was gonna have a dyke of a daughter. Now, I have another son. You going by another name?” 

Dean wanted to throw up. Somehow, that made everything worse. His father would rather have a son than a lesbian daughter? He didn't want to think about the fact that he still liked boys just not as much as girls. 

He had a few mishaps, he'd look at a few guys as he passed them with John at his side. Dean didn't think too much of it since nothing came of it. Why would John punish him for something as simple as a glance? 

Then his seventeenth birthday came.

Dean's first hunt by himself, specifically curated by his father. He watched the fire in the hole he dug earlier with his hands pushed into the pockets of his jacket. The two bodies were as intertwined as they could be for rotting skeletons. 

The heat was nice. But bittersweet. He was close enough that it could burn him. Dean would've loved to burn to a crisp as well but he had a brother to protect. 

Dean swallowed thickly and gathered up his supplies.

Message heard loud and clear, Dad.

Dean's top surgery was one of the things he remembered the most about his more medical transition. He couldn't get testosterone as much as he wanted to with forged signatures and documents but Bobby offered something else. 

So Dean was laid down on a steel examination table asleep on some anesthetic Bobby was able to get off the black market. Bobby didn't have much experience being a surgeon so it wasn't the best but it was as sterile and safe as it could be. But Dean couldn't have been happier. His chest was flat. That's what he cared about. Even if he had to be at Bobby's for weeks. He was just glad Sam was there too instead of having to leave him alone with John. 

Time passed. Dean leaned hard into his masculinity after John died. A little too hard. 

“You are way out of my brother’s league.”

“Guess how many of these cheerleaders are legal.”

“She's a bitch.”

“Fucking bitch!”

“Bitch!”

Part of it was his frustration with nearly being killed every day of his life, not even by monsters, the other part was the things John beat into him at a young age. If Dean wanted to be a man, he had to be one at John's discretion. He had to like girls but not enough to actually settle down with one. He had to look out for Sam even if that meant he would die. 

So he did. 

Made a deal. Went to hell. 

Except he didn't expect to come back. 

That gas station would forever stay in his mind. He walked for hours to find it. His whole body felt a little different. Jumbled around but he could tell his body was still his. He immediately went for the water bottles and broke the seal, downing it in one go. 

Dean caught a glimpse of a mirror out of the corner of his eye. He walked up to it and licked at his bottom lip, staring at himself. He noticed his sharper jaw decorated with stubble, his hair seemed to be less chopped, his shoulders more broad, and… he had bowlegs? He looked down and then back up. 

Intrigued, he lifted his shirt. His lips dropped open. The scars under his pecs were still there but they were different, no longer botched and scary-looking, but smooth. And his chest. It wasn't completely flat like it was before. His pecs looked more natural, protruding a bit. Like a “real” man. Dean let his shirt drop as he breathed. The handprint on his arm was there too and, for a moment, he knew something cosmic had to be the reason for this, but something inside him felt so happy. Giddy. 

He snuck a peak under his jeans. And, yeah, no he still didn't have a dick but he didn't particularly care about that anyway. One of the only things about his body that didn't matter as much. Well, at least now he felt comfortable in himself even if it came at a price. 

Over and over again. He was reminded of what he “really” was. 

“Daddy's blunt little instrument.”

“Daddy's little girl.” 

Hell, half of it came from himself. As a joke. Not one he particularly wanted to be true.

“I've been re-hymenated.” 

“Ever since I was a little girl.”

“You got anything that’s real?” “My boobs.”

As Dean grew older, he started to shed those kinds of ideals. Not only did it get too heavy to bear but he started not to care anymore. John was dead. Mary was dead. Who did he have to impress? So he didn't mind talking about the fact he didn't have a dick and indulging himself on some things that may be seen as feminine. Like a few satin panties tucked into the bottom of his drawer or the few times he painted his nails—it never lasted long when he went on a hunt. 

Although Dean still thought of his body as a tool, something he could use against their adversaries, it was a little easier to live in when he was in control of what he could do to it. When it was the kind of body he always wanted. So he got more tattoos to cover his body—they were mostly covered by his layers of denim and flannel except for one that creeped onto the side of his neck—his nipples got pierced and he nearly forgot he actually had nerve endings there when it happened, he grew out his hair a bit—not nearly as long as Sam’s but enough that he could style it better—he started wearing earrings and rings again. Not many and usually not during hunts because he had a feeling any monster, or human for that matter, would take advantage of it and tear his ear in half.

Sam and Castiel didn't mention it. Ever. And Dean wasn't sure if he should be grateful for it or not. 

“Why did you…” Dean breathed, glancing up at Castiel. He didn't want to finish the rest of his question. It was right after Mary came back and she had locked herself in some random room in the bunker to process something. 

Dean was no longer her beautiful, young four-year-old daughter Deanna. He was a grown man with shorter hair, a sharp jaw, and stubble. He knew it would be a shock for anyone, especially someone dead for so long but he didn't expect it to reopen a wound he thought had healed years ago. People had only ever thought of Dean as Dean. A man. 

Even the very few women he got with after transitioning still thought of him as a man afterward. 

Castiel’s eyes softened at Dean. He could sense the turmoil inside his head. “I was given liberty to rebuild you in the way I thought would prepare you for Micheal,” He admitted softly. He could see Dean was holding in a breath. “I decided to give you the body you wanted. The one you deserved. I had never seen a soul shine as bright as yours as you looked at my handiwork in that gas station. I knew then, I made the right decision.”

Dean's cheeks flared with blush, averting his gaze to look at anywhere but Castiel. He never quite thought about him being there, watching him admire himself. He knew that was Cas, of course, he did, but to Dean, it wasn't Cas just yet. The Cas he knew was so different from that grinding, high-pitched noise he remembered hearing.

The Cas he knew was safe. His best friend. The closest thing to family he had beside Sam. He was able to be open with Cas in a different way than Sam. 

More and more shit came and went. More and more apocalypses. But Castiel was a constant. Even if he died a few times. Even if he left a few times. He usually came back. Dean wanted him to stay. For good. But even if he was more open with being a transgender guy and liking girls and guys, he still wasn't that open about his feelings. His more complicated feelings. 

“Sam? Deanna?”

That fucking pearl. 

The sight of his father. That's not what Dean wanted. That wasn't his deepest desire. Hell, he didn't even know what his deepest desire was. And that name. He hadn't heard that name in years. Mary caught on quickly that Dean was Dean and that was it. But, of course, his father wouldn't. Even if he liked having Dean as a son more than a daughter. 

That fucking pearl was supposed to get Micheal the fuck out of his head and kill him for good measure. Instead, it brought him the one thing Dean hated more than anything in his life.

On autopilot, Dean locked himself in his room. He nearly fell to his knees but he braced himself on the wall and had half a mind to punch a hole in it. He winced as that banging in his mind got louder. Micheal screamed. Dean slid down the wall and pushed his hands into his hair. His breathing was harbored and he felt suffocated as if something was weighing down his chest.i

Why did that pearl do that? Dean was happy without him. As happy as he could be with an archangel in his head and tonnes of baggage. 

A soft knock brought Dean back to reality. Cas. He pushed himself off the ground and opened the door. 

“Sam told me about your father,” His tone was deathly serious. Dean hadn't heard Castiel sound like that in a while. He was grateful for it. “Would you like me to smite him?”

Dean swallowed. The offer was tempting. “Jesus, Cas, no. I—” Want him gone. Dead. Obliterated. Erased from his memories. Back in Hell. Gone from Heaven. Tortured to be forgotten. “I need you. Here. With me.” His shoulders slumped after the admission. 

“Of course, Dean. Whatever you need.” Castiel's voice softened as his eyes did as well. It was so truthful, said with such fondness Dean nearly cried. 

Dean sat at the end of his bed and motioned for Castiel to do the same. The angel obliged. He knew there was this thing between them. Obvious enough Sam started to call him out on it, never in front of Cas to save him from the embarrassment, but it was always on his mind when they were alone together. He wasn't sure what to do with it. All his feelings. Everything was so complex. Yet simple. It was a strange dichotomy. One he wasn't sure he wanted to admit out loud. 

But the fact that Castiel had only ever seen Dean as a man helped. Drove it into his thick skull what this thing was. Love. Castiel spoke to him so reverently. Spoke his name like a prayer. One Dean desperately wanted to hear over and over again. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

“Of course, Dean.” 

“Good things do happen, Dean.”

“This is a good thing, Dean.”

“He called me Deanna,” Dean admitted softly, eyes focused on his boots. He was naturally tall, even before resurrected by Cas, but the boots gave him an extra inch or so to not look as small next to Sam. He could feel how tense Castiel was after his words. “It's�� funny,” He let out a dry laugh, “For years, I've been fine. Been good in that area. But that's just—” Dean took a sharp breath. “People see me as a guy now. At least, they do until they get in my pants. But Dad—John, I fucking look like this,” He gestured to himself, “And he calls me Deanna? Fuck me.” He scoffed. 

For a second, he had a feeling John only humored him when he was younger. Called him Dean, got him a binder before his surgery, just because it was easier. If Dean became a man then he wouldn't look as much like Mary anymore and then maybe he wouldn't see her in his eyes or his face. 

But John still did. This was proof of that. 

“Your father, for lack of a better term, is a bitch.” Castiel said shamelessly. “You are so much more than a man born in the wrong body. It's a shame your father is too blind to see that.”

Dean's breath caught in his throat. And then he laughed. Hard. Hard enough his lungs started hurting and he had to gasp for air. Hard enough that tears started to form at the edges of his eyes and a few even rolled down his cheeks. He didn't register his hand on Castiel's thigh until he set his hand on top of it. 

Dean pulled it away. Or tried. Castiel held it in place. “Your soul…” He murmured. “It shines so bright when you laugh.” 

His voice. So soft and reassuring. Dean screwed his eyes shut. He couldn't help the fluttering in his chest. For the first time in a while, Micheal was silent. It was just him and Cas in the middle of his bed. Safe. Outside his room might be different. 

Dean's eyes lifted to meet Castiel's. They were a brilliant shade of blue he couldn't quite place. Nothing matched it. Sure, he could compare them to the ocean or perhaps the sky but even those didn't come close. Without thinking too hard, Dean let himself go. 

His free hand pulled Castiel close as he brought their lips together. The surprised noise the angel made was cute and Dean could feel him melting into the kiss. Castiel's lips were chapped, Dean chalked it up to him not caring for his vessel much, but everything felt so right. Their fingers intertwined while Cas threaded his free hand through Dean's hair. 

A cough. And suddenly Dean and Cas jumped away from each other. It was Sam. Dean took a breath, thankful that it was Sam and not John. Sam smirked as his eyes flickered between the two men but it was quickly wiped off his face. “Mom and Dad… they want to have dinner together.” He explained, focusing on Dean. 

There was still a lot Dean didn't tell Mary about John. About their life before the Men of Letters bunker. What Dean did to survive, to make sure Sam could live as comfortably as possible, to put food on the table and get a bed to sleep on, even while John was still alive. Bathrooms in gas stations on his knees, in the back of bars, dingy motel rooms. 

John never asked where the money came from, he took it anyway. 

If Mary knew, Dean knew she would look at John in a different light. A part of him didn't want to tarnish that for her. Even though it took some adjusting, she had accepted Dean wholeheartedly. Hell, she only messed up on his pronouns a few times, that was a lot better than when Sam first found out. 

“Dean, do you want…?” Sam didn't finish his sentence. He didn't know the full extent of what John did to him but he knew Dean intentionally took the brunt of the abuse for Sam. And he could never take that back. “He's asking about you. Saying you—you finally look like a man. Wondered what kind of work you had done. Thinks you're…” Sam wasn't trying to guilt trip Dean, quite the opposite. “Thinks you get a lot of girls. Asked if you had a wife or something. Asked if you,” He coughed, “Got a dick yet.” 

Dean’s fist clenched as his face contorted into disgust. Out of the corner of his eye, he could feel Castiel getting frustrated as well. 

Screwing his eyes shut, Michael crept up in his mind again. The screams. The banging. It came back tenfold. “What does he even want? For us to be fucking normal?” Dean huffed.

“Yeah,” Sam said simply. “Dad… he's from 2003. That's what he does best. Act normal when nothing is.” He smiled sadly. 

Dean stood up from the bed and rolled up the sleeves to his flannel shirt. He wouldn't—couldn’t—let his father undo everything he had ever built in the last fourteen years of his life. The small little family he made. Sam, him, Mary, Cas, Jack, and Claire. That was his family. Not John. 

Castiel looked at Dean, concerned. “Are you sure, Dean?” He could see that little boy inside him, still scared of what his father could do to him. But he could also see the grown man he came to be, unafraid of his father because he could likely overpower him now. 

Before he could think about it too hard, Dean nodded. “C'mon, sunshine. I'm not letting him fuck with my head again.” His leg bounced slightly. Not from nerves. 

Dean, Sam, and Cas made their way into the war room where John and Mary sat at the map table. John’s head lifted to look at Dean. Fully look at him. Take in his new appearance. When he appeared, Dean didn't stay long enough for John to get a good look at what he had become. The last time he'd seen Dean, he was twenty-five, wore too big clothes, had a skinner frame, and his hair was short and was never styled. This Dean… was not that.

He grew into his height, broad shoulders, visible muscles under his flannel—John would have never guessed Dean was born a girl. That he was his daughter. 

“Deanna.” John breathed. 

“Dean.” The man corrected. “You're… here.” He wished he wasn't. 

John’s eyes narrowed momentarily. Normally, he would've slapped him for something like that but he wasn't stupid. This Dean had a few pounds on him. “I am. Sam and your mom caught me up on everything that went down,” His eyes shifted to land on Castiel. “That the angel that pulled you out of Hell?” 

“Hello, John.” Castiel greeted, void of any emotion. Dean glanced at him. He knew the angel inside and out and he knew Castiel was getting increasingly annoyed simply being in John's presence. 

Mary sensed the tension between them and coughed. “I was thinking we could have Winchester Surprise?” She suggested softly—ever the peacemaker. 

Dean cocked an eyebrow at his mother. He knew Mary was desperate to have John, they didn't have much time together and she was still very much in love, but no one else wanted him there. Dean didn't and neither did Sam and Castiel was so close to stomping John into a curb. 

“I'm not sure that's a good idea, Mom.” Dean finally said. As much as he wanted to protect her from the real John, the one who was hiding behind a loving façade, he had to break the news to her. There must always come a time when the veil gets taken away from someone’s eyes, showing them the truth.

John tilted his head and Dean couldn't help but feel it was condescending. “Why not? We're all family here. We can be normal for a night,” He stared at Dean a little too hard. “As normal as we can be.”

“We were never normal,” Dean ground out. It took all his self-control not to just yell at him. Mary looked at Dean worriedly. She'd seen Dean mad, specifically at her, but nothing like this. His shoulders were tense and his nose was drawn into a snarl. 

“You–You don't get it. Never will. You suck for a father. I had to raise Sam myself. You'd fuck off to who knows where drunk half the time and make me, a four-year-old watch over a fucking baby. And you liked me better as a son than a girl who liked girls? What the fuck?” Yeah. Fuck that self-control. Dean’s jaw set in place. “Guess fucking what dad? I like girls and boys. And I could care fucking less what you think of—”

Dean's jaw throbbed. Surprise shivered down his spine. John flexed his hand as he stared down at Dean as he cupped his face.

“John!” Mary yelled.

Castiel nearly jumped John before Dean did. With a single right hook, John was out cold on the floor. He flapped his hand afterward, feeling the soreness immediately. It had been a while since Dean had to punch someone, usually, he had a gun or knife when fighting, he was a little surprised at how effective it was. 

“Dean!” Mary huffed as she went to John's side.

Dean bit the inside of his cheek. He decided he might as well come out with it. “Fuck him, Mom. He was never my father. He never tried to be. I was the only person who watched over Sam. A tool in his life while he was dead-set on revenge. We could have been normal. If he never went on a rampage.” He looked down at the pitiful heap that was his father with disgust. He glanced at Castiel over his shoulder. 

Mary shook her head, trying to reason with Dean. “We're a family. We don't give up on family.” She whispered. 

“Sometimes you do,” Dean huffed softly. As much as he and Sam fought, as many times as they took turns dying, it never got so bad that Dean thought he hated him. At least, not for more than a day or so. “I'm good with who I am. Dad isn't. I don't want him in my life. I don't think I ever had but… this is my life now. I get to live it. Meaning I get to choose who's in it,” He swallowed thickly, knowing what he was about to admit. “In ten years time, it's not with him. Never was.” 

“Dean, you don't mean that.” Mary sighed. Pleading. She wanted to keep John, make up for lost time.

Sam took a step forward. “Mom, you don't get it either. The shit John put Dean through—put both of us through—no kid should have to go through that.”

Mary huffed, “Then tell me. You can't just expect me to know.” 

Castiel stared at her. “Your sons don't have to say anything they are uncomfortable admitting.” He said it as if he was stating the weather forecast. 

Dean pursed his lips. Hurt. He knew Mary wouldn't understand but he didn't quite expect this. He turned on his heels and made his way back into his room. 

Eventually, everything was as it was. John was sent back after Sam destroyed the pearl and Dean could breathe a little more comfortably afterward. Mary shut herself off from them but he had a feeling that would get resolved as much as the gut-wrenching feeling in his stomach told him it wouldn't. He never wanted to see or think about John ever again. Hadn't wanted to for years after the shit he's gone through. 

Dean heard a knock on his door after he got ready for bed. Hell, he was halfway underneath the covers when it happened. He grumbled under his breath, not thinking to put on a shirt or a pair of pants as he opened the door.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said softly. As soft as each time before. Dean was suddenly very aware of how bare he was. “Do not be alarmed, it's nothing I haven't seen before.” The angel stepped inside his room, closing the door behind him. 

Castiel's words did nothing to ease Dean's beating heart. It felt like a hammer against his chest, wanting to tear itself out of him. 

Castiel’s eyes never wavered from his face, studying it as if it were a work of art. He lifted a hand to Dean's cheek. Dean felt as if the air was punched out of him. “I want to know if you're okay, Dean.” Those blue eyes—they never looked at him in pity, never. They looked at him with wonder and understanding. 

Dean didn't register the single tear that rolled down his cheek until Castiel's thumb wiped it away. “Not really, Cas.” He breathed. Admitting it didn't feel as bad as he thought it would. 

“Why—” Castiel took a breath, saddened by how destroyed Dean's eyes looked. “Why do you think the pearl… gave you John?” He asked softly as he and Dean sat on his bed. 

Dean glanced at the corner of his room, lip trembling with a mix of rage and sadness. “Maybe the pearl thought I wanted a Dad. Someone who could love me unconditionally. But I—” He paused sharply, eyes finding Castiel's all over again. He wanted to memorize his eyes as if it were the first time he saw them. Or the last. “I have you.” He breathed. For the first time, Dean hadn't been compelled to add Sam at the end of his sentence. 

“You do,” Castiel smiled. And, god, Dean's heart wrenched at the sight. Cas didn't smile, not often. “You always have.” 

Dean let out a shaky breath, leaning into Castiel's hand as it caressed his cheek. He sniffled slightly. “Cas, please…. Please promise me you'll stay. Even—Even if I push you away. You,” He was full-on crying now and Castiel was looking at him as if he was the most beautiful thing in the world. “You'll stay. No matter what.”

“I will.” Castiel whispered light as a feather. Two simple words but it was a promise that meant so much to Dean. 

It was a promise Castiel never intended to break. Why would he? Especially when Dean seemed so desperate. So distraught. He could never leave Dean. Not again. 

“Kiss me.” Dean whispered. Pleaded. He wanted to memorize everything about Cas. The strange body heat he gave off, the tilt of his head, how his lips pressed into a thin line when he was only minorly frustrated by Dean, the roughness of his stubble. Everything. 

For the first time, Dean saw a smirk grace Castiel's lips. “Whatever you want, Dean.” He brought their lips together with a sigh. 

They kissed for a while, pausing for breath in between kisses but they didn't go past that, ending up with Castiel in bed with Dean after he shed his trenchcoat, shoes, and tie. Dean dozed off, peaceful enough to fall asleep in Castiel's arms. 

Even with a fading grace, Castiel didn't sleep much. His body ran well enough on it that sleep wasn't needed. So he stayed up, playing with the hairs on Dean's neck as he watched over him, soothing him as much as possible when he sensed a nightmare coming on. 

“You think you're cursed sometimes Dean,” Castiel cooed on deaf ears but he didn't mind. He had to get it out. “That hate is the only thing that drives you. That you're not built for love. But you are. I think, sometimes—no, I know—that’s all you're made up of. And I–I promise we will find a better way,” Cas lifted his hand to Dean's shoulder, positioning it right above his scar. The scar he burned on his skin. “I love you, Dean.” He whispered into his ear.

For the rest of that night, Dean didn't have nightmares. For the rest of that night, he burrowed himself closer to Castiel. For the rest of that night, Michael was quiet.

[trans-axolotl]

ID: [A 1997 flyer made by Riki Anne Wilchins that reads: Jocelyn Elders supports Intersex Genital Mutilation (IGM). Hermaphrodite; someone whose genitals are not clearly male or female. US Hospitals genitally cut 8 intersexed kids every day just so their genitals will look "normal." Most will lose genital sensation. Many are cut so they won't "become lesbians." Jocelyn Elders supports this practice! Did you know: The vast majority of children diagnosed as intersexed by American doctors and genitally cut are otherwise unremarkable infants who simply have clitorises more than 3/8” long. Many are genitally cut in the mistaken belief that otherwise they may grow up to be masculinized, lesbian women or have difficulty functioning as “normal, heterosexual adults” later in life. Did you know: According to noted Brown University medical researcher Dr. Anne Fausto­ Sterling, 2,000 intersex infants are genitally cut for cosmetic reasons in US hospitals annually: that’s 8 infants from 3 weeks to 3 years old cut every working day. Yet the American Academy of Pediatricians’ own statement on IGM says these infants are genitally cut to minimize “emotional, cognitive, and body image” problems and not for any medical reason. Did you know: Jocelyn Elders on intersexed infants and “correcting” queer genitals: "…just take out everything and make a good vaginal pouch and the child can function very well as a female." "I always told my students, 'I can make a good female, but it's very hard to make a male.'" Ever hear of informed consent? Dr. Elders refuses to even meet with the intersexed community or IGM survivors. Intersex kids need counseling, not cutting! Hey Dr. Elders: Get Your Scalpels Off our Bodies! We're not quiet. We're not well behaved. And we're not going away. Hermaphrodites with attitude.]

Although it can be very upsetting to see the way that interphobia and medical abuse existed in incredibly similar ways 30 years ago, this protest flyer and associated newsletter showcase the incredible history of intersex and trans solidarity between Transexual Menace and Hermaphrodites with attitude. This newsletter includes multiple updates on trans and intersex news, including protests, discrimination, and media representation.

"Herm-Protest Jocelyn Elders at Lesbian Event.

Washington, DC: 20 Sep 97. The activist groups Hermaphrodites with Attitude (HWA) and Transexual Menace today protested Dr. Jocelyn Elders' keynote address to a Mautner Lesbians With Cancer Project fundraiser, held in the Washington Hilton. Dr. Elders, a former US Surgeon General, is an outspoken advocate of Intersex Genital Mutilation (IGM), a cosmetic surgery performed on the genitals of intersexed infants so they will look like "normal" males and females.

Eight demonstrators carried banners saying "Dr. Elders: Keep Your Scalpels OFF Our Bodies" and "Intersex Kids Need Counseling NOT Cutting", and distributed IGM leaflets to attendees as they arrived for the $100-a-plate dinner. Several attendees expressed shock and dismay upon learning of Dr. Elders' position, noting that she is generally considered a supporter of lesbian and feminist causes, and enlightened on most matters of adolescent sexuality. However, the flier noted that on "correcting" queer genitals, Dr. Elders has written: "…just take out everything and make a good vaginal pouch and the child can function very well as a female," and "I always told my students, I can make a good female, but it's very hard to make a male."

"We're not protesting the Mautner Project," explained HWA founder, Cheryl Chase, "we're calling attention to Dr. Elders' support of IGM and her continued refusal to meet with us on an issue that affects our lives. One reason IGM is performed is the fear that girls born with clitorises considered ‘too large’ will grow up to be masculine or lesbian. We want to bring awareness to the Lesbian and Gay community that IGM is a queer issue."

Although intersexuality was once considered rare, according to noted Brown University medical researcher Dr. Anne Fausto-Sterling, about 8 intersex children are genitally cut in US hospitals every working day for cosmetic reasons. Stated Chase, "We will continue to seek a meeting with Dr. Elders, and anticipate that once she takes IGM seriously, she will support out position."

Following the demonstration, HWA and the Menace donated a $100 to the Mautner Project in the name of intersexed infants."

-In Your Face No. 5, Spring 1998.

[thelazuliknight]

Laz’s TVDU headcanons 9

✨Sexuality edition ✨ all my opinion, feel free to leave a comment on who you disagree with, and I left out the characters with either confirmed sexualities.

(I made this as a queer person btw)

- April Young is a lesbian and imo on the demisexual scale imo

- Anna Zhu is straight

-Bonnie Bennett I think she is pansexual, though if you asked her, she would shrug and not really have an answer for you, it’s all about who she has a spark with. I think she finds people hot, but it's the connection that sparks trues attraction. And she finds people more attractive once a spark occurs.

- Cami is a proud bisexual. Rip she would have loved pride week and she would have bi flags up in Rousseau’s

- Caroline Forbes took me a while to figure out. Admittedly I first believed she was one of the straight friends, but I don’t actually think this. I think she may be bisexual, possibly comphet (and not in a extreme internalize homephobic way—though I assume she saw how people treated both her parents and definitely has a fear of being judged) just she also is someone who thrives being in a relationship and I think her fear of being alone means she doesn’t really experiment that often. I also think she loves being approached first (chosen) and she grew up in Virginia in the early 2000s where she wasn’t asked out by many women my guess. I imagine in the fics where it takes her and Klaus decades or centuries to get over their shit and finally get together, she would become aware she is also into woman in that in between--but in the ones where they get together pretty quickly I don't think she would. It's really about situation for her tbh.

-Damon Salvatore is a complicated character. Because on one hand I would love to be like “ha ha only straight guy… and you suck” to him, but one; I have headcanons of others just being straight, nor do I think that’s an sign of terribleness (even if I am guilty of doing that to the one not-great character present, I am from the MHA fandom, and if you know, you know). But Damon is complicated, because he has a such an odd relationship with sex and people have such an odd relationship with sex with him (someone did a great analysis, where they realized that no one but him says he is great at sex and those who have had it with him honestly tell him he’s bad at it— he probably doesn’t enjoy it much himself, and yet the dude is the king of self destruction). But he is so internalized homophobic frat boy vibes (and occasionally outwardly? Like he canonical has the most homophobic lines, which of course Julie and co gave those lines to him 🙄). Damon also clings to the face of one woman for over a century, a woman who is, to him, locked in a tomb, he maybe has a one night stand with Sage in that time, a female character who is more on the masculine side. Then he gets infatuated with another (at the time) doomed relationship with the girl whom his brother is with after he realizes Katherine wasn’t going to want him (which really tells you how fast he switched loves tells you he didn’t really love Katherine). When he is with Elena, he consistently pushing her away, and when they are together, it's always after he did something bad or when it feels impossible. Is Damon gay? I don’t know. But I don’t think he likes women. He’s a character who honestly hates women, he hates them so much, and it really does seem deeper than just being misogynistic (and when he is being misogynistic it’s never consistent). His best relationships with woman were the ones that are platonic, those being Rose and Bonnie, and even Liz. I struggle with Damon, because it really would be easier to be like “ha ha you are straight (derogatory)” and leave it at that because oh boy do I hate him, but also I want my head canons and writing to still retain some nuance. Uh oh… I wasted so much time writing about Damon.

- Davina I see as straight. But I don’t remember much about her tbh.

-Elena Gilbert! Another tricky character! I think she is straight, but not in a labeled way. I think she is the kind of person who isn’t opposed to finding love anywhere, but she’s only ever been attracted to guys this far and she determines that she is straight. If anything I think she is really drawn to people who are caring and have a right and wrong code (even if it isn’t a code that is strictly good or evil, but people who have lines they don’t cross, and convictions), but also people she can learn about. She wants substance. I do think she is a victim of manipulation with Damon, and that did change things for her. But I think at the end of the day she is someone who is attracted to complexity and conviction. Though I do think she considers herself straight, but doesn’t see labels as permanent markers either.

-Elijah is demiromantic and demisexual. I don’t think I need to say more tbh.

- Enzo is a straight man, but I recently discovered him with Kol as a ship and I do love it.

- Finn is a straight man I think. But only because he is so devoted to Sage, he isn’t about to think about other possibilities.

- Freya is a lesbian all the way. Like I can’t see her with a man. Yes I hear Lucien’s sobs in the distance too.

- Hayley depends on the fic. I actually have been really vibing with the concept of Hayley/Cami and idk why, so for no reason I think Hayley is bi.

- Jeremy gives straight vibes, but again depends on the fic. I have read a good Jeremy/Kol fic, so I can be convinced otherwise.

- Jenna is bisexual. I don’t think I need to argue this.

- Jo is straight

- Katherine Pierce has zero preferences, just that they be hot.

- Klaus doesn’t care about labels either, and has no gender preferences either. I don’t think he’s demiromantic, because he fell for Caroline fast.

- Kol… yeah he’s the same as above, he really doesn’t care what gender or sex a person is. (edit: Writing this has taught me, he ascends sexuality so much that he can change my normal headcanons).

- Kai is straight

- Lexi is another pansexual queen

- Lily Salvatore is a comphet lesbian who kept ending up in an abusive relationships with a man.

- Liz Forbes, I think she is a straight. But I also think she is more so graysexual to ace, where she could go without sex, like doesn’t need it or even really want it, but will it if her partner wants it. Prefers the romance part of relationships. She and Bill really only ever had sex to have Caroline, but neither really wanted sex ever.

- Matt is straight

- Marcel I think doesn’t give a fuck about gender, but also has no label

- Nadia is bisexual

- Ric is a straight man

- Rebekah is a bisexual queen. But don’t think she has a word for it in her vocabulary.

- Stefan is another person who seems to be pretty open to any one. I think he is drawn to complexity, and needs to be with someone he can enjoy talking to. He needs to be mentally stimulated, and that’s his primary desire.

- Tyler is straight, but I think he needs the woman to be stronger than him in a relationship. He seems to really like it, be that with physical strength or with magic. He seems attracted to strength.

[thedevotionaltour]

i think kyle in the world space im playing in right now i think would figure herself out in like late high school and then in college kinda transitions into that more explicitly masculine lesbian style (i think she'd be pretty tomboy-y throughout youth but that's different and tomboy is a very very wide spectrum so i will say kyle was still wearing dresses for homecoming and prom and would probably have longer hair to give the picture of how i'm viewing tomboy kyle in this world. but has very "masculine" interests and dresses pretty androgynously day to day). so she's kind of in baby lesbian world still when going to art school. and i just know she is having the worst unnuanced lesbian politics possible. and she is not the lesbian to take a gender studies class or read feminist literature. i know every girlfriend she ever had had to smack five hundred years of sense into her every single one of them if they were together for like more than a month. on another note kyle would make a great stereotypical uhaul lesbian and she's trying to move in with you but in another typical lesbian fashion she's also going to break up with you in less than a month. kyle in her mind is meeting her soulmate every three weeks while also doing it so casually in her mind knowing she's going to leave you so soon. she is both highly aware and unaware and it's why she is the way she is.

[thehealingsystem]

Hey it's this time again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey!! Just informing yall that mascles week starts today!

Happy Masculine Lesbian Awareness Week!

[buddycraft]

big lesbian appreciation post. a huge thank you to all the lesbians who have come to peruse our wares and who have left kind words in reviews. you've been a big reason why we've been so motivated and excited to keep making lately! we're so glad that something our transfaggy little hands make helps you feel good and rep your colors. solidarity forever.

buddycraft pride collection

Masculine lesbian visibility and awareness week is Aug 1-7 ! [ x ] Butch appreciation day is Aug 18 ! [ x ]

Please also consider supporting Emily Gwen, creator of the lesbian pride flag shown here! [ x ]

[dragonmarquise]

Super Indulgent Canon x OC Ship, Part 1: Vinyl and Nunchaku

I finally, FINALLY managed to get one of these done. Long story short, dealing with a lot of irl nonsense the past few weeks, especially with my job. I think things are starting to get better? :u

Anyways!! Based on that poll I made a while ago, I’m starting off with the butch lesbians, yesss :D For reference, Nunchaku is one of my Devil Theory OCs!

(Also there might be some typos or weird grammar, I skimmed over this to double-check, but I probably still missed something. Let me know if I did!)

I guess first off to clarify, Vinyl in my headcanons is a more masculine lesbian, but also admittedly doesn’t label herself as butch. Like, she knows the label fits herself, but she just doesn’t use it out of preference. Though also doesn’t mind if people call her that (as long as they’re not trying to use it as an insult of course).

Plus she and Nunchaku have an ongoing thing of calling themselves “a pair of bad butches”, so there’s that too, lol

Anyways, starting off with how they met! Which is not the same as “how they got together”, because they technically knew each other before the events of the game (emphasis on technically), but only get together sometime afterwards.

We of course know from Faux’s real name being Teun Vogelaar that most of the characters are going by street names. For my headcanons, Vinyl’s real name is Florence, and she goes by Flo as a nickname. Meanwhile, Nunchaku’s real name is Roxanne, but she goes by Rox. What I’m getting at is, they met each other in their normal everyday outfits and going by their names/nicknames, so they don’t make the connection between themselves and their street rep until later. Much later in Nunchaku’s case.

(From here on out, I’ll use the nicknames Flo and Rox if it’s about them outside of doing writer stuff, and with their street names for writer stuff like the events of the game.)

So, Rox first meets Flo at the music store that Flo works at. She was just passing by and saw Flo, who she thought looked really cool! Though, Rox doesn’t have much of a reason to go into a store like this (keeps digital files and CDs of music she likes anyways). Still, she ends up passing by the store a couple of times over the course of a week, just to see Flo for a few seconds.

Eventually Rox realizes what she’s doing is going to look really damn creepy if Flo hasn’t noticed her already, so she finally gets the nerve to actually go into the store. They talk! For a bit! Friendly customer-employee small talk! But even that is enough for Rox to realize, “Oh crap I think I have a crush on her shit shit shit what do I do?!” She takes a look around the store, and grabs a record at random, thinking it’d be rude to leave without buying anything. Rox pays for it, she and Flo get to talk about the record she picked out, and then she leaves.

And then Rox ends up going back to the store again and again. She’s continuing to be on friendly terms with Flo. Though she has a crush on Flo, Rox really doesn’t want to push things too hard and come off as a creepy customer. In the end she’d be happy with just being friends if nothing else! Meanwhile, because of these visits, she’s slowly amassing a collection of records that she can’t even play. Nevermind the fact that most of them are genres she doesn’t listen to, lol

Eventually they do end up on a nickname basis. Flo mentions one time that she’s also a graffiti writer, and Rox is like hey, me too! Flo doesn’t mention that she mostly works with FUTURISM at the time, because she prefers to call herself a freelance writer even before the events of the game. Meanwhile, Rox doesn’t mention that she’s specifically part of Devil Theory, because she’s very much aware of their reputation in New Amsterdam’s graffiti scene.

That being said, Rox mentions how she’s part of a small crew with her bros and that they used to have turf in Mataan before getting kicked out by other crews. She doesn’t include the fact that they took over Pyramid Island as their new turf, because that would have definitely made it obvious she’s part of Devil Theory.

However, Flo does have her suspicions because of what Rox said, since to her knowledge Devil Theory is the only crew who were recently kicked out of Mataan. But in her mind, it’s all just speculation. And besides, Flo has genuinely been enjoying talking with Rox whenever she stops by. From Flo’s point of view, they’re still customer & employee and all, so it’s friendly in a cordial kind of way. Surely Rox isn’t a Devil Theory asshole! Plus, given she now knows they’re both writers, she was thinking of ask Rox to do a graffiti session with her.

But then, a bit before the games, Flo finds out that Rox is, in fact, part of Devil Theory. The way I was thinking about it, she finds out when she’s doing reconnaissance on Pyramid Island for FUTURISM, and ends up seeing Devil Theory without their masks. Then realizing that Nunchaku and Rox are the same person. And boy is she pissed about it.

A few days leading up to the game’s story, Rox still stops by Flo’s store. Flo tries to keep quiet about knowing who Rox is, especially since it’d be a horrible idea to start an argument about it in the store. To her manager, it would just look like she’s going off on a customer for no reason. Still, Flo is now more on the curt side with Rox, who takes a few days to notice. Then Rox is worried that she’s been annoying Flo and wonder how (or even if) she can fix things.

But then the events of the game happen! Flo/Vinyl helping out with Felix’s memories, joining up with BRC, them beating Devil Theory and eventually Faux, etc.

Vinyl ends up taking a lot of satisfaction in helping beat Devil Theory during the crew battle. Finally getting to take these jerks down a peg, in a way.

She’s disappointed in Rox/Nunchaku, wondering if Rox being nice in the store is the real Rox, or if that was just her messing with Flo. At the least, Devil Theory has been dealt with, and now BRC can focus on helping Felix.

Then near the end of the game, she sees Devil Theory getting thrashed by Faux. Admittedly she thinks, “Oh, damn, even those guys didn’t deserve that.”

That leads into the postgame, and thus them actually getting together. But of course, with Nunchaku being part of Devil Theory and Vinyl still not being happy about that, there’s some things to work out first. :P

For a while after, Devil Theory are being monitored by DJ Cyber and FUTURISM. DT got thrashed by Faux near the end of the game, but they’re still not being let off the hook for being involved with Faux and the police in the first place. So this is being done to make sure they’re not starting any further trouble. It’s something Cyber should have put a stop to sooner, but he was unfortunately caught up in his plan to revive Felix.

Then by this point, DT is either disliked or outright hated by the rest of the writers in the city. DT have the good grace to accept it, because looking back on everything this is the least they deserve. Nunchaku is of course included in this too.

Vinyl is sort of on double duty for both BRC and FUTURISM on this too, keeping an eye on Devil Theory and reporting if they’re planning something bad. This is half as a favor to the DJ and her new crew, and half because she’s still pissed about Nunchaku being in Devil Theory. Deep down she’s hoping that DT, and especially Nunchaku, can genuinely turn over a new leaf after all. Though at the same time, she’s pessimistic about that actually happening.

Nunchaku notices that Vinyl in particular seems to really hate her. Vinyl’s practically stalking her to make sure she’s keeping out of trouble, keeping a much closer eye on her than the rest of Devil Theory. That being said, Nunchaku also doesn’t think anything of it other than she deserves it after the snitching and other stuff Devil Theory did together.

Eventually things come to a head and Vinyl directly confronts Nunchaku over what happened and making sure she’s truthful about doing better. She does see Nunchaku feeling genuine guilt over what happened, especially once Nunchaku admits how stupid it was to trust Faux/the police in the first place. Devil Theory wanted an easy way to get to the top, and they paid the price for it already. Nunchaku specifically mentioning, “Well, whatever, even if you don’t believe me, it’s not like I’m gonna go straight back to what we did before,” convinces Vinyl she’s at least trying.

Towards the end of that conversation, Vinyl also encourages/threatens Nunchaku to be honest to the “record store gal”. Nunchaku questions how Vinyl “knows” Flo, Vinyl refuses to answer and says that “Flo” has had her suspicions about Nunchaku/Rox. If she’s serious about changing for the better, then Nunchaku needs to start by admitting to her misdeeds as a writer to Flo.

Nunchaku is pretty nervous and hesitant at this point. She just thinks Vinyl is good friends with Flo and hence why Vinyl is being so “protective”, not realizing they are in fact the same person. After further prodding from Vinyl, Nunchaku eventually agrees to it, thinking it’s only fair.

The next day! Nunchaku-as-Rox stops by the music store, asks Flo if they can talk privately after she’s done with work. Then in the afternoon, they have a heart-to-heart talk and Rox basically spills her guts to Flo about everything: being a part of Devil Theory, the snitching and backhanded stuff they did, their involvement with the game’s events, etc.

Flo admits she knew for a while who Rox really was (to Rox’s shock!!), but is glad that Rox finally told the truth herself. Flo makes it clear that she’s disappointed in Rox and won’t forgive her for what she and Devil Theory have been doing. However, if Rox and them make an honest effort to be better people, Flo will still appreciate it. Rox is relieved to say the very least, and thanks Flo for the mercy!

Later on, Nunchaku gets a chance to explain what happened to Vinyl. She also thanks Vinyl for pushing her to speak with Flo. And yes, Nunchaku still doesn’t realize Flo = Vinyl. Vinyl actually picks up on that during this conversation, but decides not to comment on it for now. So then Rox and Flo are at least back on good terms during Rox’s visits to the music shop.

FUTURISM and Vinyl are still keeping an eye on Devil Theory, but by now they’re proving they really have turned out a new leaf. They’re still jerks and pick fights every now and then, but definitely not nearly as bad as they were before. Vinyl takes the opportunity tofinally tell Nunchaku that she’s the same person as Flo. Nunchaku isn’t mad about the revelation. If anything, she’s just incredibly embarrassed that she never noticed sooner, lmaoooo

Nunchaku apologizes for it even though she doesn’t have to, but Vinyl admits it’s kind of funny, Vinyl: “How many black women with blue hair have you seen around here?” Nunchaku: “… I mean, there’s that one lady in Eclipse. Then that’d be her, you, and uh, ‘Flo’.” Vinyl: “Okay, but still! You really couldn’t tell me and Flo were the same person this whole time? Same voice and all? The only difference is that I tie my hair back into a ponytail instead of a side ‘fro while I’m working.” Nunchaku: “Well, like, I didn’t wanna end up, like, being racist or something!!” Vinyl: “… Racist??” Nunchaku: “Like, assuming two black women had to be the same person just ‘cuz I think their hair and voices were similar!! Most people would totally think it’s racist if I thought that, y’know?!” Vinyl, holding back laughter for Nunchaku’s sake: “Damn, I think you overcorrected yourself on that one.”

Banter aside, they end up being friends from this point on!

Nunchaku is ultimately happy with this turn of events. She didn’t expect she would be able to repair her relationship with Flo/Vinyl at all, and had given up any hope she had for it!

The two of them hang out as friends, sometimes with the rest of their respective crews and sometimes by themselves. During this, Nunchaku kind of lets go of her crush on Vinyl, being content with just being friends with her. Like I mentioned earlier, she almost gave up hope on being able to fix things, so she’s sure as hell not going to be pushy and potentially ruin things now!

… unfortunately, the opposite happens with Vinyl. She grows to love Nunchaku after being able to hang out with her, learning more about her, and seeing that Nunchaku is less “pure evil” and more “jerkish goofball”. Especially the goofball part comes out a lot more as they continue hanging out.

So then! This leads to a particular story bit where Nunchaku is pushing herself to get better as a writer, and especially for combo high scores in all the boroughs. It’s to the point where Vinyl is worried for her health. She ends up challenging Nunchaku to a special score battle. Whoever can get the highest total score across the whole city in a certain amount of time wins! And for the prize, then winner gets to ask of something of the loser!

Vinyl wins and asks Nunchaku out on a date. Nunchaku nearly faints from hearing that, but yeah, they’re dating now, hee hee.

Admittedly I basically just outlined at least three (maybe four??) fics I was planning to write for this ship, whooooops :P

Moving on! Now to talk about their interests/hobbies/activities as an actual couple.

They eventually sort out Nunchaku’s impromptu record collection, mainly getting her a record player and records for genres she actually likes! Vinyl uses her employee discount plus the store’s trade-in feature (only doable since Nunchaku never even opened the plastic wrap on most of them) to help. Thus Nunchaku gets an appreciation for music played on vinyl, “It really does have a different quality! Whenever I heard people say that, I thought they were just being pretentious, y’know?”

Also it turns out Vinyl has an out-of-control collection herself, for plushies specifically (the idea for this came from one of @mechanical-magician’s headcanon posts!!). Many, many plushies in a small apartment, lol. Nunchaku helps her set up shelves and cases for all of them!

Nunchaku has her own little workshop in a junkyard/scrapyard in the city, where she works on random projects and putting together/taking apart stuff for fun. She and Vinyl hang out there too!

Besides graffiti art, Vinyl is into art in general. She sometimes makes sculptures for displays and such! Nunchaku helps her out with putting stuff together sometimes. Also random ideas. Granted, Nunchaku isn’t exactly artistically inclined, but Vinyl finds her to be a fun source of inspiration for more out there sculptures (example: metal spider tree).

The two of them go on little trips around the city, looking for cool places to hang out, new spots for graffiti, or finding scraps for either Vinyl’s art projects or Nunchaku’s mechanical projects. It’s fun to look around the less traveled parts of a city you thought you already knew well. Never know what you’ll find!

Nunchaku has a personal project to recreate DJ Cyber’s vehicle! Just the vehicle part though, not the dream machine. She’s been unsuccessful in getting a decent prototype working, nevermind finishing the whole thing. She could pull it off if she had at least schematics of DJ’s vehicle, but of course he’s very protective of that information. Vinyl helps with Nunchaku’s vehicle project, but I’m not gonna get too into that because that’s a whole other fic outline, lol

Sometimes the person you date/marry is also your best friend at the same time, and I like to think that kinda happens with Nunchaku and Vinyl :>

Vinyl has dimples when she smiles, and Nunchaku thinks it’s very cute. :3

Nunchaku learns more about art and music through Vinyl, and Vinyl in turn learns more about anime and video games through Nunchaku. In particular, Vinyl getting back into Pokemon after not playing the games since she was a kid. She’s got a lot of catching up to do!

Okay so in my Devil Theory headcanons post, I mentioned how Nunchaku is good at stealing things without getting caught. Vinyl points out that sleight of hand tricks Nunchaku uses for pickpocketing can be used for close-up magic too. So then Nunchaku gains a new hobby from that, lol

Also mentioned in the other post, Nunchaku is crane and forklift certified. She figured it would look good on her resume, and hopefully be impressive to other people. Vinyl thinks it’s genuinely cool, and Nunchaku is ridiculously happy that someone actually thinks so!

Another one from the other post: Nunchaku has been interested in learning about welding, and getting to help Vinyl with putting together sculptures (especially ones made out of metal) has given her a chance to practice with it. Vinyl is also encouraging her to get certified for it!

They also do skateboarding stuff together for fun, at a local skatepark in the city. They end up becoming “skateboard aunties” to a bunch of kids who hang out at the park and look up to them. And then that eventually leads to them outright supervising a kids’ skateboard club. It’s not something either of them really planned to do, but they’ll admit it’s pretty fun, lol

When they eventually move in together, Nunchaku asks if they can maybe get a pet tarantula, or maybe a pet python, she’s always wanted one of those as a pet. Vinyl says in response, “Why not both?”. So yeah, they end up with Rosemary the tarantula and Lavender the python. And then eventually Paprika the centipede, plus two geckos named Cinnamon and Nutmeg. They love their pets!

And that’s it for now! If I think of anything else, I’ll add to this post. Heck, feel free to send asks of scenarios and other stuff with these two, maybe that’ll be inspiration for some neat idea! But oh boy, this was already a lot more than I intended to write, lol…

[queer-rhetorics]

The Lesbian Fantastic, Pt. 1

I found this book by Phyllis M. Betz on a display in my schools library - the full title is The Lesbian Fantastic: A Critical Study of Science Fiction, Fantasy, Paranormal, and Gothic Writings. It seemed perfect, especially after I read the "Queer Rhetorics" web page last week, which talked about Pathos (or, the ZAP!). Fiction is, after all, pure pathos.

The first half of this book focuses heavily on the histories and methods of the genres in the title in general, as well as some notes on how lesbians have used these genres, but I suspect we will have more focus on how lesbians specifically use them in the second half of the book.

It seems Betz is referring to these genres broadly as "fantasy", and a defining feature of these genres is that they must evoke some sense of wonder for the reader. This is flexible, depending on the specific gerne - gothic lit, for example, might evoke feelings of horror. The other shared trait among these genres is that they tend to subvert the status quo presented at the beginning of the narrative. However, this is usually in the form of overthrowing a tyrannical regime or something similar - not in the form of flaunting social/cultural structures.

Gothic Fiction

Gothic fiction plays heavily with awareness of things outside the Self, and the desire to seek out fear. It usually plays on various social anxieties, as well as shifting questions of identity for the main character. It is often thought of as a women's tradition, since many of its early authors were women. Common figures are the ghost or the monster, and there are often themes of sanity/insanity, fears surrounding the body. There is often a tension between fear and desire.

Lesbian gothic writers have been very aware of their position in society as outside and their associations with evil, particularly with vampires. While usually these monsters may be killed/destroyed, in lesbian texts the monster often connects with another character. The lesbian ghost/monster deliberately situates itself out of social norms. Evil seduction suddenly becomes mutual.

Fantasy Literature

The allure of the fantasy text is its ability to provide the reader with a feeling of wonder and amazement. The bending of the laws of our nature is expected. They often have a religious or moral foundation. It is typically considered a male genre, although more women have been writing fantasy since the mid-60s.

Lesbian fantasy fiction often reframes heroism to be about more than physical strength or magical ability. There is more emphasis on the heroine coming to terms with her sexuality, and she is usually rewarded with a romantic relationship. She leaves the story with a clearer vision of herself and her society. The society or world is reimagined in the heroine's ability to balance typically masculine/feminine abilities and behaviors.

Science Fiction

The attractice power of science fiction is often the "vision of potentiality". The are often somewhat grounded in facts, although they can be extremely speculative. This genre is also often typically thought of as male, especially when thinking about the more pedantic areas of the related fandoms. There is a heavy focus on humanity and the Other. The Other, usually in the form of alien races, can be stereotyped and lesser, or they can be seen as a superior race. Female characters are often used to symbolize the alien.

Lesbian science fiction, interestingly enough, often have a focus on gay males, although of course there are those who focus on lesbians. Highlighting sexuality allows these authors to focus on that dimension in their explorations of Otherness. Many of these stories take place in societies that still have strong patriarchal tendencies, although women are usually allowed in positions of leadership and the like. They also often include a romantic plotline. Many of these relationships include a human and an alien, altering what it means to be considered "alien". (On a personal note, this seems quite similar to how monsters/vampires/etc. are used in lesbian Gothic fiction)

Early Lesbian Fantasy Fiction (19th and 20th century)

There is some difficulty in picking out exactly what counts as lesbian fiction, since by necessity many authors had to code or tone down the relationships between their characters. However, from what we have seen, there are commonalities. Gothic fiction allowed women to describe restrictions they face and voice desires that were thought of as socially unacceptable. There is often a balance in these stories between physical and emotional desire. There is more difficulty still for fantasy/sci-fi texts, perhaps because of fantasy being thought of as a children's genre, making it difficult for women to write about any type of sexual awareness. However, these genres still did allow women to explore things they wouldn't have otherwise. By framing them as otherwordly and detached from reality, they could, for lack of a better term, get away with more than they could otherwise.

Questions/Ponderings

Now that the history has been gone over, I'm excited to read about more specific examples rather than talking in broad strokes to build a general overview, as well as hopefully getting into some more modern examples. So far, I'm wondering about the efficacy of fiction to change reality. No matter what, it has an importance in that these women were able to express their identities, and their readers were able to connect with them. Still, I wonder if this book will touch on controversy sparked by these novels in real life in the coming chapters.

At the moment, that's about as specific as my questions can get - my head is sort of spinning with literary history facts at the moment.

[qnewsau]

Drag King history helps Alf Alpha shake things up with Midsumma debut

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/drag-king-history-helps-alf-alpha-shake-things-up-with-midsumma-debut/

Drag King history helps Alf Alpha shake things up with Midsumma debut

Performing in their first Midsumma solo show, dandy clown Alf Alpha knows you can’t shake up the present without looking at the past.

Inspiration for your drag name can strike at the strangest time.

After leaving the National Institute of Circus Arts, Charlotte signed up for a Drag King open mic night and found their stage name on a tram.

“A guy hopped on the tram wearing denim overalls, no shirt and a straw hat with a piece of grass in his mouth.”

“It was hilarious; I thought, what an amazing character,” she told us,

“Gossiping with my then-partner, we created a backstory for him.

“He was an urban farmer who grew alfalfa in his backyard, and it hit me – Alf Alpha.”

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by Alf Alpha (@thealfalpha)

Do you know your drag kind history?

As Alf Alpha, Charlotte challenges tightly held societal constructs of gender through parody and clowning.

Looking back on queer history to influence her art form.

“All queer people should have an awareness of our history, especially artists,” Charlotte said,

“It’s important, no matter what art you’re making, to look at what has come before.

“I’ve found it an exciting challenge to find information about drag king’s history,

“We don’t often talk about the Australian history of drag.” she told us,

Looking for that history sent Charlotte down a rabbit hole.

“Hearing what the scene used to be like back and how it’s shaped the way we see drag tells you so much.”

“People compare drag kings to drag queens.

“But when you look at King’s history, a lot of Kings were circus artists before drag.

“In the 90s, drag kings dressed as their abusers as a sort of catharsis to support each other.

“It’s just like hyper-femininity and parody but coming from a completely different perspective.”

Working in the local gay bars of Fitzroy Charlotte has learnt a thing or two.

This Midsumma they’re shaking things up, sharing stories with humour and mixology.

It’s the ultimate comedy cocktail demonstration featuring wit, charm, and fruity personality.

Equal parts humour and mixology, this show blends boozy brilliance with masculine drag excellence.

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by Alf Alpha (@thealfalpha)

Drag King history’s has been hidden

“Drag Kings may be a small community in the wider drag landscape, but what we bring to the stage is so unique and special.”

“We should have the same platform and recognition as any drag performer, and people should recognise our differences.

“All drag is political, but our history has been hidden because we weren’t given the same opportunities as drag queens.

“There was and still is a lot of misogyny in the scene.

“Kings were put on in the middle of the week or were constantly being told that you have a great idea for a show,

“But it wouldn’t make any money because lesbians don’t go out.

“Sure, drag has come a long way, but it’s still quite a niche art form.

“Drag kings are the underground in an already underground scene.

“This means it’s found other ways to flourish that we don’t typically think of, like burlesque and circus – it’s very punk rock that way.”

Different to the drag you know, catch Alf Alpha’s Cocktail Hour from 30th January to 1st February at Grouse as part of Midsumma.

Find out more here.

Photo by Mark Gambino

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[nieloxychen]

vamp and wolfie worldbuilding

vamp is now named anastacio “butch” de rojas! in this anachronistic fantasy world hes a greaser. rival gangs used to call him “the butcher” bc of his job, ruthlessnes and bc his diet consists mostly of rare meats and blood. anastacio did not care for that at all and started to cut ppl off (in various ways) when they called him that so often that they now call him butch. his gang thinks its funny bc hes honestly not traditionally masculin at all. theres a butch lesbian in his gang who is playfully annoyed that they didnt get that nickname. he was conscripted into the army as a spy (bc vampires are much more common and accepted in the enemy kingdom, so people already expect them to be traitors,,) and sent to the enemy kingdom when they learned of an impending war between the two kingdoms. he quickly joined the enemy kingdoms army and rose through the ranks to the point that the queen openly favoured him. which was really helpful for his spying and also led to anastacio meeting shepard...

shepards (wolfie) full name is shepard connor and he is a farm boy and shepherd. he grew up in a small border village between the two kingdoms, which was officially part of the “enemy kingdom” and was kidnapped a few months before the war started. anastacio and shepard arrvied in the enemy kingdoms capital city around the same time but by very different means and reasons. shepard and a few others were used in experiments to create werewolves that were always in “wolf” form. the goal was to use them as bodyguards and an elite fighting team, loyal and vicious and easy to condition and control. the process was torturous and many victims were completly overwhelmed by their new instincts and lost themselves. shepard was lucky and didnt, but that allowed him to be aware of the fact that no one should know that. him and the other successful “mutts” (as they were unofficially called) of the first batch were given to the queens favoured as personal guards and servants, with shepard being assigned to anastacio...

anastacio feels understandably uncomfortable with the situation and does his best to treat shepard well, as well as not attract attention for not being a fan of the whole human experimentation thing. shepard notices this and after a few weeks the two start to figure eachother out. shepard discovers that anastacio is a spy and anastacio realizes that shepard has retained himself where most other mutts didnt. after some careful testing eachother out, they start to work together. shepard as a mutt, is not seen as someone who can retain information more complicated than simple orders. so he helps gather further information for anastacio, while anastacio gives him information on shepards family and gives him resources to relearn any skills he lost through the changes he was put through.

im not sure how or why exactly yet, but they get captured by soldiers from anastacios kingdom and anastacio is imprisoned in order to keep him being a spy secret. but im not sure what would make sense to happen to shepard... the kingdom prides itself on being like.. nice? but that doesnt mean they want to openly admit to knowing that shepard and others are not willing combatants or something. i know that the two are going to be seperated until after the end of the war though. after the war, anastacio is quietly released from prison and leaves the kingdom for a third one that wasnt involved in the war at all. shepard is able to leave as well and travels to try and find anastacio. he eventually does and they live together from then on!!

i think anastacios gang would want to get answers from him, considering he left a cryptic message for them (so they wouldnt be in danger), disappeared for years and is then very publicly jailed for being a ""traitor"". his family would have publicly denounced him the moment he was arrested, largely because people were already assuming them to be traitors. anastacio also doesnt have much of a relationship with his family and hasnt talked with them in about a decade. so they have no idea what his character is like apart from occasionally hearing of his gangs exploits. shepards family would not look for him... disappearances are semi-common and especially those without influence and power would prefer to believe that their loved ones were killed by the animals that are a danger anyways. rather than focus on them not ever really knowing what happened to them, if they suffered or not. maybe one or two family members or friends would try to find shepard, but the majority of the people that knew him before his transformation prefer to think he is dead.

[peachpitband]

Ok including a TLDR because I wrote a lot but figured out a succinct way to sum it all up:

TLDR; Why are people so intent on re-stigmatizing terms that the LGBT community had, until relatively recently, worked to destigmatize and reclaim???

Anywhere here’s my more complicated feelings on the bullshit:

1) “Stupid?” Why am I not surprised that you start off by making an unsupported character attack (Only to find it funny that I would make an assumption at the end of the post… Whatever, guess I should’ve expected that total lack of self awareness)

2) I try not to “invalidate” trigger tagging… to a certain extent. I understand people who have an honest to god trigger related to a slur… and if people were to ask me about that stuff, I would tag it. People in online spaces also have the choice to just… unfollow people that post stuff they don’t want to see? I just feel like it’s a valid yet somewhat over-exaggerated issue that, despite being a widely online phenomenon, has leaked out into irl queer spaces in the form of language policing and, yes, literal censorship. I have a problem with this growing push to tag reclaimed slurs as triggers just to tag stuff, without knowing how many people actually have an honest to god problem with it. These “online issues” have, at least in my experience in real life queer spaces (don’t know where you’ve been hanging out, though), been spreading and affecting real life events, queer spaces, and queer people. Which brings me to my next point:

3) I was bringing something up related, though, because the whole online culture of trigger tagging words like that does have an affect on real life queer people in that they have to censor themselves because of pressure from these largely online movements. This is not an exaggeration, it’s a reality. The queer community has worked hard to reclaim terms from bigots (if you identify as a slur, it is one step in taking the power of said slur away from homophobes. Literally every oppressed group has done this with slurs. Not gonna make examples but was hoping you could try to imagine some. Idk it just feels so naive to me to reduce these words to inappropriate “slurs.”)

In the last part of the 20th century, LGBT people worked HARD to widely reclaim these words and it worked! But now, people are out here trigger tagging it and it feels like we’re just spitting on all that effort! Like I hate to say this but at a certain point, especially in 18+ queer spaces, you have to accept the reality that you’re gonna run into these words. If you get past that, maybe you can even begin to imagine the idea that some people have actual relationships to these “slurs” that feel made light of when people reduce them to a dirty word. Yeah, sure, I’m a lesbian. But I primarily identify as a DYKE. I am masculine. I am hairy. I am literally a butch on testosterone. I upset men because I don’t take their shit. I know my history and love foundational loud and proud dykes like leslie feinberg and so many others. It’s a word that feels empowering because it had power against people like me, until myself and so many other queer ladies took it back and made it something so much more. Yeah, I’ll tag it if it causes someone serious discomfort… but those people also need to understand that the act of trigger tagging something that you are is like having to take part in the reduction of your own identity. It might not seem that deep, but like how else do I explain that this “harmless” push to guilt trip everyone into tagging these ~scary~ words has LITERALLY leaked out into the real world. Like I literally just sat with two 70-something lesbian activists last week that talked about this and said that they don’t understand where this is coming from… and these are the ladies that were around before these terms were widely reclaimed in the first place! Ugh!

L + you rely on ad hominem + you focus on semantics rather than substance and argument + here’s two of my fav books from the lesbian archive I work at ❤️❤️

Also included an excerpt from a post I came across that supports the idea that, until the later 2000s, these words were widely accepted in the community until this pretty recent push to restigmatize them!?!?

@peachpitband yeah but that's not what that post said was it... So you were just bringing up something unrelated and looking stupid for it. Lol. Like I was talking specifically about the tagging issue so yeah, it is an online issue. Particularly since the issue at hand is not censoring but trigger tagging which is different.

Very funny to assume I don't hang out in offline LGBT spaces or whatever though.