#trans!dean x castiel

[pickledpascal]

Long Story Short, It Was a Bad Time

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Castiel

Warnings: transphobia, homophobia, horrible parent john winchester, homophobic language, implied past prostitution, based on 14x13, angst with a happy-ish ending

A/N: in this, dean is trans and visually looks similar to another of jensen's characters, beau arlen.

Word Count: 4.8k

Jensen Ackles Masterlist

Dean Winchester had known he was a boy since he could talk. Hell, before he could talk. 

He wasn't aware he wasn't a boy until after his mother died and every single teacher in every single town they went to called him a girl and separated him into the girls' lines instead of the boys. It got increasingly mind-numbing as he entered his pre-teen years. His first period came around and his dad wasn't sure what to do. Pads were one of the most expensive supplies he had to buy and he never failed to make Dean feel bad about it at every turn. 

“Suck it up, Deanna.” 

“Don't go tellin’ anyone I don't do anything for you, Deanna.” 

“You better clean the garbage out when I get home, Deanna. I don't wanna see that.” 

The name itched him like a bad rash. Made him want to scream. But all he could do was cry. After John was gone and Sammy was asleep. 

His boobs were growing in and everything about his body felt wrong. He was glad he was naturally tall and that he was able to gain more muscle the more John let him go on hunts but it wasn't the same. His shoulders weren't as broad as the other guys in his class, his hips jutted out too much for his liking, and he hated his long hair. 

Dean cut it on his sixteenth birthday and told his father it was under the guise of wanting to be safe. Unpullable hair meant one less thing he had to worry about when it came to monsters. John looked at him suspiciously. He must have known. But he didn't blow up like Dean expected him to. That made the wrenching feeling in his gut twist more. There had to be a catch. 

He came out two weeks after that.

“Thank God.” Dean blinked at the reaction. “I thought I was gonna have a dyke of a daughter. Now, I have another son. You going by another name?” 

Dean wanted to throw up. Somehow, that made everything worse. His father would rather have a son than a lesbian daughter? He didn't want to think about the fact that he still liked boys just not as much as girls. 

He had a few mishaps, he'd look at a few guys as he passed them with John at his side. Dean didn't think too much of it since nothing came of it. Why would John punish him for something as simple as a glance? 

Then his seventeenth birthday came.

Dean's first hunt by himself, specifically curated by his father. He watched the fire in the hole he dug earlier with his hands pushed into the pockets of his jacket. The two bodies were as intertwined as they could be for rotting skeletons. 

The heat was nice. But bittersweet. He was close enough that it could burn him. Dean would've loved to burn to a crisp as well but he had a brother to protect. 

Dean swallowed thickly and gathered up his supplies.

Message heard loud and clear, Dad.

Dean's top surgery was one of the things he remembered the most about his more medical transition. He couldn't get testosterone as much as he wanted to with forged signatures and documents but Bobby offered something else. 

So Dean was laid down on a steel examination table asleep on some anesthetic Bobby was able to get off the black market. Bobby didn't have much experience being a surgeon so it wasn't the best but it was as sterile and safe as it could be. But Dean couldn't have been happier. His chest was flat. That's what he cared about. Even if he had to be at Bobby's for weeks. He was just glad Sam was there too instead of having to leave him alone with John. 

Time passed. Dean leaned hard into his masculinity after John died. A little too hard. 

“You are way out of my brother’s league.”

“Guess how many of these cheerleaders are legal.”

“She's a bitch.”

“Fucking bitch!”

“Bitch!”

Part of it was his frustration with nearly being killed every day of his life, not even by monsters, the other part was the things John beat into him at a young age. If Dean wanted to be a man, he had to be one at John's discretion. He had to like girls but not enough to actually settle down with one. He had to look out for Sam even if that meant he would die. 

So he did. 

Made a deal. Went to hell. 

Except he didn't expect to come back. 

That gas station would forever stay in his mind. He walked for hours to find it. His whole body felt a little different. Jumbled around but he could tell his body was still his. He immediately went for the water bottles and broke the seal, downing it in one go. 

Dean caught a glimpse of a mirror out of the corner of his eye. He walked up to it and licked at his bottom lip, staring at himself. He noticed his sharper jaw decorated with stubble, his hair seemed to be less chopped, his shoulders more broad, and… he had bowlegs? He looked down and then back up. 

Intrigued, he lifted his shirt. His lips dropped open. The scars under his pecs were still there but they were different, no longer botched and scary-looking, but smooth. And his chest. It wasn't completely flat like it was before. His pecs looked more natural, protruding a bit. Like a “real” man. Dean let his shirt drop as he breathed. The handprint on his arm was there too and, for a moment, he knew something cosmic had to be the reason for this, but something inside him felt so happy. Giddy. 

He snuck a peak under his jeans. And, yeah, no he still didn't have a dick but he didn't particularly care about that anyway. One of the only things about his body that didn't matter as much. Well, at least now he felt comfortable in himself even if it came at a price. 

Over and over again. He was reminded of what he “really” was. 

“Daddy's blunt little instrument.”

“Daddy's little girl.” 

Hell, half of it came from himself. As a joke. Not one he particularly wanted to be true.

“I've been re-hymenated.” 

“Ever since I was a little girl.”

“You got anything that’s real?” “My boobs.”

As Dean grew older, he started to shed those kinds of ideals. Not only did it get too heavy to bear but he started not to care anymore. John was dead. Mary was dead. Who did he have to impress? So he didn't mind talking about the fact he didn't have a dick and indulging himself on some things that may be seen as feminine. Like a few satin panties tucked into the bottom of his drawer or the few times he painted his nails—it never lasted long when he went on a hunt. 

Although Dean still thought of his body as a tool, something he could use against their adversaries, it was a little easier to live in when he was in control of what he could do to it. When it was the kind of body he always wanted. So he got more tattoos to cover his body—they were mostly covered by his layers of denim and flannel except for one that creeped onto the side of his neck—his nipples got pierced and he nearly forgot he actually had nerve endings there when it happened, he grew out his hair a bit—not nearly as long as Sam’s but enough that he could style it better—he started wearing earrings and rings again. Not many and usually not during hunts because he had a feeling any monster, or human for that matter, would take advantage of it and tear his ear in half.

Sam and Castiel didn't mention it. Ever. And Dean wasn't sure if he should be grateful for it or not. 

“Why did you…” Dean breathed, glancing up at Castiel. He didn't want to finish the rest of his question. It was right after Mary came back and she had locked herself in some random room in the bunker to process something. 

Dean was no longer her beautiful, young four-year-old daughter Deanna. He was a grown man with shorter hair, a sharp jaw, and stubble. He knew it would be a shock for anyone, especially someone dead for so long but he didn't expect it to reopen a wound he thought had healed years ago. People had only ever thought of Dean as Dean. A man. 

Even the very few women he got with after transitioning still thought of him as a man afterward. 

Castiel’s eyes softened at Dean. He could sense the turmoil inside his head. “I was given liberty to rebuild you in the way I thought would prepare you for Micheal,” He admitted softly. He could see Dean was holding in a breath. “I decided to give you the body you wanted. The one you deserved. I had never seen a soul shine as bright as yours as you looked at my handiwork in that gas station. I knew then, I made the right decision.”

Dean's cheeks flared with blush, averting his gaze to look at anywhere but Castiel. He never quite thought about him being there, watching him admire himself. He knew that was Cas, of course, he did, but to Dean, it wasn't Cas just yet. The Cas he knew was so different from that grinding, high-pitched noise he remembered hearing.

The Cas he knew was safe. His best friend. The closest thing to family he had beside Sam. He was able to be open with Cas in a different way than Sam. 

More and more shit came and went. More and more apocalypses. But Castiel was a constant. Even if he died a few times. Even if he left a few times. He usually came back. Dean wanted him to stay. For good. But even if he was more open with being a transgender guy and liking girls and guys, he still wasn't that open about his feelings. His more complicated feelings. 

“Sam? Deanna?”

That fucking pearl. 

The sight of his father. That's not what Dean wanted. That wasn't his deepest desire. Hell, he didn't even know what his deepest desire was. And that name. He hadn't heard that name in years. Mary caught on quickly that Dean was Dean and that was it. But, of course, his father wouldn't. Even if he liked having Dean as a son more than a daughter. 

That fucking pearl was supposed to get Micheal the fuck out of his head and kill him for good measure. Instead, it brought him the one thing Dean hated more than anything in his life.

On autopilot, Dean locked himself in his room. He nearly fell to his knees but he braced himself on the wall and had half a mind to punch a hole in it. He winced as that banging in his mind got louder. Micheal screamed. Dean slid down the wall and pushed his hands into his hair. His breathing was harbored and he felt suffocated as if something was weighing down his chest.i

Why did that pearl do that? Dean was happy without him. As happy as he could be with an archangel in his head and tonnes of baggage. 

A soft knock brought Dean back to reality. Cas. He pushed himself off the ground and opened the door. 

“Sam told me about your father,” His tone was deathly serious. Dean hadn't heard Castiel sound like that in a while. He was grateful for it. “Would you like me to smite him?”

Dean swallowed. The offer was tempting. “Jesus, Cas, no. I—” Want him gone. Dead. Obliterated. Erased from his memories. Back in Hell. Gone from Heaven. Tortured to be forgotten. “I need you. Here. With me.” His shoulders slumped after the admission. 

“Of course, Dean. Whatever you need.” Castiel's voice softened as his eyes did as well. It was so truthful, said with such fondness Dean nearly cried. 

Dean sat at the end of his bed and motioned for Castiel to do the same. The angel obliged. He knew there was this thing between them. Obvious enough Sam started to call him out on it, never in front of Cas to save him from the embarrassment, but it was always on his mind when they were alone together. He wasn't sure what to do with it. All his feelings. Everything was so complex. Yet simple. It was a strange dichotomy. One he wasn't sure he wanted to admit out loud. 

But the fact that Castiel had only ever seen Dean as a man helped. Drove it into his thick skull what this thing was. Love. Castiel spoke to him so reverently. Spoke his name like a prayer. One Dean desperately wanted to hear over and over again. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

“Of course, Dean.” 

“Good things do happen, Dean.”

“This is a good thing, Dean.”

“He called me Deanna,” Dean admitted softly, eyes focused on his boots. He was naturally tall, even before resurrected by Cas, but the boots gave him an extra inch or so to not look as small next to Sam. He could feel how tense Castiel was after his words. “It's… funny,” He let out a dry laugh, “For years, I've been fine. Been good in that area. But that's just—” Dean took a sharp breath. “People see me as a guy now. At least, they do until they get in my pants. But Dad—John, I fucking look like this,” He gestured to himself, “And he calls me Deanna? Fuck me.” He scoffed. 

For a second, he had a feeling John only humored him when he was younger. Called him Dean, got him a binder before his surgery, just because it was easier. If Dean became a man then he wouldn't look as much like Mary anymore and then maybe he wouldn't see her in his eyes or his face. 

But John still did. This was proof of that. 

“Your father, for lack of a better term, is a bitch.” Castiel said shamelessly. “You are so much more than a man born in the wrong body. It's a shame your father is too blind to see that.”

Dean's breath caught in his throat. And then he laughed. Hard. Hard enough his lungs started hurting and he had to gasp for air. Hard enough that tears started to form at the edges of his eyes and a few even rolled down his cheeks. He didn't register his hand on Castiel's thigh until he set his hand on top of it. 

Dean pulled it away. Or tried. Castiel held it in place. “Your soul…” He murmured. “It shines so bright when you laugh.” 

His voice. So soft and reassuring. Dean screwed his eyes shut. He couldn't help the fluttering in his chest. For the first time in a while, Micheal was silent. It was just him and Cas in the middle of his bed. Safe. Outside his room might be different. 

Dean's eyes lifted to meet Castiel's. They were a brilliant shade of blue he couldn't quite place. Nothing matched it. Sure, he could compare them to the ocean or perhaps the sky but even those didn't come close. Without thinking too hard, Dean let himself go. 

His free hand pulled Castiel close as he brought their lips together. The surprised noise the angel made was cute and Dean could feel him melting into the kiss. Castiel's lips were chapped, Dean chalked it up to him not caring for his vessel much, but everything felt so right. Their fingers intertwined while Cas threaded his free hand through Dean's hair. 

A cough. And suddenly Dean and Cas jumped away from each other. It was Sam. Dean took a breath, thankful that it was Sam and not John. Sam smirked as his eyes flickered between the two men but it was quickly wiped off his face. “Mom and Dad… they want to have dinner together.” He explained, focusing on Dean. 

There was still a lot Dean didn't tell Mary about John. About their life before the Men of Letters bunker. What Dean did to survive, to make sure Sam could live as comfortably as possible, to put food on the table and get a bed to sleep on, even while John was still alive. Bathrooms in gas stations on his knees, in the back of bars, dingy motel rooms. 

John never asked where the money came from, he took it anyway. 

If Mary knew, Dean knew she would look at John in a different light. A part of him didn't want to tarnish that for her. Even though it took some adjusting, she had accepted Dean wholeheartedly. Hell, she only messed up on his pronouns a few times, that was a lot better than when Sam first found out. 

“Dean, do you want…?” Sam didn't finish his sentence. He didn't know the full extent of what John did to him but he knew Dean intentionally took the brunt of the abuse for Sam. And he could never take that back. “He's asking about you. Saying you—you finally look like a man. Wondered what kind of work you had done. Thinks you're…” Sam wasn't trying to guilt trip Dean, quite the opposite. “Thinks you get a lot of girls. Asked if you had a wife or something. Asked if you,” He coughed, “Got a dick yet.” 

Dean’s fist clenched as his face contorted into disgust. Out of the corner of his eye, he could feel Castiel getting frustrated as well. 

Screwing his eyes shut, Michael crept up in his mind again. The screams. The banging. It came back tenfold. “What does he even want? For us to be fucking normal?” Dean huffed.

“Yeah,” Sam said simply. “Dad… he's from 2003. That's what he does best. Act normal when nothing is.” He smiled sadly. 

Dean stood up from the bed and rolled up the sleeves to his flannel shirt. He wouldn't—couldn’t—let his father undo everything he had ever built in the last fourteen years of his life. The small little family he made. Sam, him, Mary, Cas, Jack, and Claire. That was his family. Not John. 

Castiel looked at Dean, concerned. “Are you sure, Dean?” He could see that little boy inside him, still scared of what his father could do to him. But he could also see the grown man he came to be, unafraid of his father because he could likely overpower him now. 

Before he could think about it too hard, Dean nodded. “C'mon, sunshine. I'm not letting him fuck with my head again.” His leg bounced slightly. Not from nerves. 

Dean, Sam, and Cas made their way into the war room where John and Mary sat at the map table. John’s head lifted to look at Dean. Fully look at him. Take in his new appearance. When he appeared, Dean didn't stay long enough for John to get a good look at what he had become. The last time he'd seen Dean, he was twenty-five, wore too big clothes, had a skinner frame, and his hair was short and was never styled. This Dean… was not that.

He grew into his height, broad shoulders, visible muscles under his flannel—John would have never guessed Dean was born a girl. That he was his daughter. 

“Deanna.” John breathed. 

“Dean.” The man corrected. “You're… here.” He wished he wasn't. 

John’s eyes narrowed momentarily. Normally, he would've slapped him for something like that but he wasn't stupid. This Dean had a few pounds on him. “I am. Sam and your mom caught me up on everything that went down,” His eyes shifted to land on Castiel. “That the angel that pulled you out of Hell?” 

“Hello, John.” Castiel greeted, void of any emotion. Dean glanced at him. He knew the angel inside and out and he knew Castiel was getting increasingly annoyed simply being in John's presence. 

Mary sensed the tension between them and coughed. “I was thinking we could have Winchester Surprise?” She suggested softly—ever the peacemaker. 

Dean cocked an eyebrow at his mother. He knew Mary was desperate to have John, they didn't have much time together and she was still very much in love, but no one else wanted him there. Dean didn't and neither did Sam and Castiel was so close to stomping John into a curb. 

“I'm not sure that's a good idea, Mom.” Dean finally said. As much as he wanted to protect her from the real John, the one who was hiding behind a loving façade, he had to break the news to her. There must always come a time when the veil gets taken away from someone’s eyes, showing them the truth.

John tilted his head and Dean couldn't help but feel it was condescending. “Why not? We're all family here. We can be normal for a night,” He stared at Dean a little too hard. “As normal as we can be.”

“We were never normal,” Dean ground out. It took all his self-control not to just yell at him. Mary looked at Dean worriedly. She'd seen Dean mad, specifically at her, but nothing like this. His shoulders were tense and his nose was drawn into a snarl. 

“You–You don't get it. Never will. You suck for a father. I had to raise Sam myself. You'd fuck off to who knows where drunk half the time and make me, a four-year-old watch over a fucking baby. And you liked me better as a son than a girl who liked girls? What the fuck?” Yeah. Fuck that self-control. Dean’s jaw set in place. “Guess fucking what dad? I like girls and boys. And I could care fucking less what you think of—”

Dean's jaw throbbed. Surprise shivered down his spine. John flexed his hand as he stared down at Dean as he cupped his face.

“John!” Mary yelled.

Castiel nearly jumped John before Dean did. With a single right hook, John was out cold on the floor. He flapped his hand afterward, feeling the soreness immediately. It had been a while since Dean had to punch someone, usually, he had a gun or knife when fighting, he was a little surprised at how effective it was. 

“Dean!” Mary huffed as she went to John's side.

Dean bit the inside of his cheek. He decided he might as well come out with it. “Fuck him, Mom. He was never my father. He never tried to be. I was the only person who watched over Sam. A tool in his life while he was dead-set on revenge. We could have been normal. If he never went on a rampage.” He looked down at the pitiful heap that was his father with disgust. He glanced at Castiel over his shoulder. 

Mary shook her head, trying to reason with Dean. “We're a family. We don't give up on family.” She whispered. 

“Sometimes you do,” Dean huffed softly. As much as he and Sam fought, as many times as they took turns dying, it never got so bad that Dean thought he hated him. At least, not for more than a day or so. “I'm good with who I am. Dad isn't. I don't want him in my life. I don't think I ever had but… this is my life now. I get to live it. Meaning I get to choose who's in it,” He swallowed thickly, knowing what he was about to admit. “In ten years time, it's not with him. Never was.” 

“Dean, you don't mean that.” Mary sighed. Pleading. She wanted to keep John, make up for lost time.

Sam took a step forward. “Mom, you don't get it either. The shit John put Dean through—put both of us through—no kid should have to go through that.”

Mary huffed, “Then tell me. You can't just expect me to know.” 

Castiel stared at her. “Your sons don't have to say anything they are uncomfortable admitting.” He said it as if he was stating the weather forecast. 

Dean pursed his lips. Hurt. He knew Mary wouldn't understand but he didn't quite expect this. He turned on his heels and made his way back into his room. 

Eventually, everything was as it was. John was sent back after Sam destroyed the pearl and Dean could breathe a little more comfortably afterward. Mary shut herself off from them but he had a feeling that would get resolved as much as the gut-wrenching feeling in his stomach told him it wouldn't. He never wanted to see or think about John ever again. Hadn't wanted to for years after the shit he's gone through. 

Dean heard a knock on his door after he got ready for bed. Hell, he was halfway underneath the covers when it happened. He grumbled under his breath, not thinking to put on a shirt or a pair of pants as he opened the door.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said softly. As soft as each time before. Dean was suddenly very aware of how bare he was. “Do not be alarmed, it's nothing I haven't seen before.” The angel stepped inside his room, closing the door behind him. 

Castiel's words did nothing to ease Dean's beating heart. It felt like a hammer against his chest, wanting to tear itself out of him. 

Castiel’s eyes never wavered from his face, studying it as if it were a work of art. He lifted a hand to Dean's cheek. Dean felt as if the air was punched out of him. “I want to know if you're okay, Dean.” Those blue eyes—they never looked at him in pity, never. They looked at him with wonder and understanding. 

Dean didn't register the single tear that rolled down his cheek until Castiel's thumb wiped it away. “Not really, Cas.” He breathed. Admitting it didn't feel as bad as he thought it would. 

“Why—” Castiel took a breath, saddened by how destroyed Dean's eyes looked. “Why do you think the pearl… gave you John?” He asked softly as he and Dean sat on his bed. 

Dean glanced at the corner of his room, lip trembling with a mix of rage and sadness. “Maybe the pearl thought I wanted a Dad. Someone who could love me unconditionally. But I—” He paused sharply, eyes finding Castiel's all over again. He wanted to memorize his eyes as if it were the first time he saw them. Or the last. “I have you.” He breathed. For the first time, Dean hadn't been compelled to add Sam at the end of his sentence. 

“You do,” Castiel smiled. And, god, Dean's heart wrenched at the sight. Cas didn't smile, not often. “You always have.” 

Dean let out a shaky breath, leaning into Castiel's hand as it caressed his cheek. He sniffled slightly. “Cas, please…. Please promise me you'll stay. Even—Even if I push you away. You,” He was full-on crying now and Castiel was looking at him as if he was the most beautiful thing in the world. “You'll stay. No matter what.”

“I will.” Castiel whispered light as a feather. Two simple words but it was a promise that meant so much to Dean. 

It was a promise Castiel never intended to break. Why would he? Especially when Dean seemed so desperate. So distraught. He could never leave Dean. Not again. 

���Kiss me.” Dean whispered. Pleaded. He wanted to memorize everything about Cas. The strange body heat he gave off, the tilt of his head, how his lips pressed into a thin line when he was only minorly frustrated by Dean, the roughness of his stubble. Everything. 

For the first time, Dean saw a smirk grace Castiel's lips. “Whatever you want, Dean.” He brought their lips together with a sigh. 

They kissed for a while, pausing for breath in between kisses but they didn't go past that, ending up with Castiel in bed with Dean after he shed his trenchcoat, shoes, and tie. Dean dozed off, peaceful enough to fall asleep in Castiel's arms. 

Even with a fading grace, Castiel didn't sleep much. His body ran well enough on it that sleep wasn't needed. So he stayed up, playing with the hairs on Dean's neck as he watched over him, soothing him as much as possible when he sensed a nightmare coming on. 

“You think you're cursed sometimes Dean,” Castiel cooed on deaf ears but he didn't mind. He had to get it out. “That hate is the only thing that drives you. That you're not built for love. But you are. I think, sometimes—no, I know—that’s all you're made up of. And I–I promise we will find a better way,” Cas lifted his hand to Dean's shoulder, positioning it right above his scar. The scar he burned on his skin. “I love you, Dean.” He whispered into his ear.

For the rest of that night, Dean didn't have nightmares. For the rest of that night, he burrowed himself closer to Castiel. For the rest of that night, Michael was quiet.

[tsukiyo-7]

This is me trying to bypass Tumblr censorship, attempt 1

Just in case, the full fanart is on ao3

Details under the cut! (It's a bit long, I'm warning you)

Here's the frankly too long explaination.

I basically crammed in this drawing all my favourite motifs and all of my studies.

The tattoo on Sam's back is something I designed myself and represents Mater Dolorosa (Our Lady of Sorrows or Madonna Addolorata) with a stanza from the prayer "Stabat Mater" that goes as folows - "Through her soul, of joy bereaved, bowed with anguish, deeply grieved, now at length the sword hath passed."

Then we have Saint Michael slaughtering the Devil on Dean's arm. This is a mesh up of different stock images; usually Saint Michael stands over a serpent not a dragon and has a sword, not a halberd, those come from Saint George (Patron Saint of soldiers, so not a random choice)

Then there's the scripts. (Open the first pic)

The roman numbers on Dean's collarbone: II.V.XCIII = 2.5.83, Sam's date of birth.

The matching latin tattoos on their bicepts: The whole quote actually is "Nec tecum, nec sine te vivere possum" by Ovidius, which means "I can't live with you nor without you" and I thought of splitting it like that because I think it sums up their relationship pretty well. They can't be together, especially Sam imo (forever the runaway), because it's basically self-destructive, but being apart maybe is even worse (suicidal Dean anyone?).

A mandala with a mantra on Sam's tigh: गते गते पारगते पारसंगते बोधि स्वाहा . The Devanāgarī, for those unfamiliar, is a South Asian writing system. Here we have the mantra that closes the Heart Sutra "Gone, gone, gone to the other shore, Awakening, Svaha." (Svaha is the Hindu goddess of sacrifices; in a Buddhist context the term is used as denoument for mantras, espicially duing rites and offerings).

The characters on Dean's bicept, next to Saint Michael: 天罰. Those are technically Hanja aka Traditional Chinese characters used to write Korean (mostly because I first encountered this word in my korean phylology studies and that's how I know it), but they mean the same thing in Korean, Chinese and Japanese, "Divine Punishment", sooo - the only difference is the ponunciation. Korean: 천벌 (cheonbeol) Japanese: てんばつ (tenbatsu) Chinese: 天罚 (tiān fá).

Lastly, on Dean ribs, say hi to my bestie Hammurabi and his famous Code: here we have the Law 196 which actually even rocks know about; An eye for an eye. The full text says: "If a man has blinded the eye of another man, his eye will be blinded." Can't really offer you a transcript but if you're curious here's the transliteration:

" šum-ma a-wi-lum i-in DUMU a-wi-lim úḫ-tap-pí-id i-in-šu ú-ḫa-ap-pa-du " There's this really neat website here that is a digital version of the whole code and it's also my source.

[asbeel]

I imagine Dean is protective as shit of his pie

Like he is hissing and scratching at anyone who even attempts to poke a fork into his pie

So if he lets you to reach out and eat a bit of his pie, it's a sign of respect

If he willingly hands you a slice of pie? Youre the fucking world to him

People I think Dean would let eat a bit of his pie:

- Mary Winchester

- Jack Kline

- Garth Fitzgerald

- Ellen Harvelle

- Kevin Tran

- Jody Mills

- Lisa Braeden

- Sam

People I think Dean would give a slice of pie to:

- himself (obviously)

- Sam (but he always refuses cos he's a health nut)

- Castiel

- Bobby

- Benny

- Charlie (sister energy)

- Jo (sister energy again [wdym they kissed they're literally siblings])

- Claire

- Eileen (as like a "ur my sister in law now" vibe)

- Missouri (fr she deserves some)

- Ben Braeden

I really wanted to add Crowley to this list but it's just the sad truth that Dean wouldn't trust him to be within 90ft of pie

And yes, John Winchester isn't on here. His ass does NOT deserve pie

[davilishuuu]

I ALMOST FORG9R HER HAIR THINGY ON TOP OMG

anyways, the siblings ever🤲🏳️‍⚧️

[deanwinchestersbabygirll]

Sam Winchester, Hunter?

warnings// angst, possible death, maybe, maybe not you'll have to read to find out ;)

lil summery// this is Part 2 to Sam Winchester, Hero

*REQUESTED*

Sam x Reader

Part 1

word count// 4795

(gif from pinterest)

"alright, dads on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days".  Dean announced

You felt Sam's body tense beside you "Y/N will you excuse us for just a minute please" Sam asked quickly. You could feel the worry radiating off him "yeah of course I'll just be in your room..." you told him quietly before walking slowly backwards into the room. You tried not to listen to the brothers conversation but it was hard not to with the silent yelling.

You sat on the bed quickly to look like you weren't listening when you heard big foot steps coming toward the room, the room door was open and shut quickly and there stood Sam who didn't look too happy "hey... what's happening?" You asked sauntering over to stand in front of him, you placed your hands on his hard chest getting him to look you in your eyes "I have to go with Dean for a few days. He can't get in touch with my dad and he's worried and I don't want him to look alone" sam confessed before moving to get changed, he pulled off  his pyjamas in frustration and pulled on the clothes he was wearing at the library earlier.

You sat on the bed watching as Sam threw some clothes into a duffle bag, you felt anxious watching him, what were you gonna do without him here, you could barley sleep last night without running into his room, not to mention the fact he just asked you to be his girlfriend what two hours ago? And now he was heading out already, he had to be back for Monday that you knew for sure he couldn't miss that interview. You wouldn't let him

"Sam?" You called quietly he looked over to you booking his head for you to continue with what you were gonna say "how long will you be gone?" Sam smiled and leaned in to give your lips a soft peck "just a few days I promise I'll be back before Monday for the interview" he promised but that still didn't settle you "so you'll be back in three days? You swear?" You wanted to beg him to stay, just get back into bed and forget this happened but you couldn't do that. They need to find their dad...

"I promise you I'll be back in three days, and that I'll call you every night before bed" Sam compromised, he knew you were worried, hell he was worried! He didn't want to leave you here alone, only it was safer than bringing you with them...

"Okay I'll walk you to the door" you smiled grabbing his hand and heading out to his brother who was sitting on the small couch waiting for him "alright let's head out Sammy. Don't worry sweetheart i’ll bring your boyfriend back in one piece" dean joked making you giggle "well I'd like to hope so, he's gotta look perfect for Monday. It was really nice finally meeting you Dean, you should come visit Sam more often" you said putting your hand out to which dean took in his big one giving it a friendly shake "ah I don't know if Sam would like that much but it was great meeting you too sweetheart,  you take care of yourself now. I'll wait down the car for you Sammy, let you say goodbye to your lady" dean smirked before heading down the steps towards the parking lot 

Sam turned to face you, his big arm wrapping tightly around your waist and pulling you into a warm hug "I'll see you in a few days, don't walk home alone or at night, always lock our door even during the day when your here, and if something happens there's a box in my closet-" you cut Sam's ramble off with a quick kiss "what's got you so worried? I'll be alright I promise. If I get scared I'll call you" you assured him as you wrapped your arms around his neck, playing with the longer hair at the back of his neck as you pulled him into a long kiss, Sam moaned lowly against your lips his own hands grabbing your hips roughly, holding you in place as his tongue invaded your mouth, you kissed him for as long as you could without passing out from the lack of air 

You pulled away from the kiss resting your forehead against his "who would have thought our first night together and you get shipped off for a few days" you joked and Sam let out a airy chuckle as he still tried to catch his breath "I know it sucks, but I promise I'll make it up to you when I get back" Sam told you before pulling your lips into one last kiss before he headed down to his brother, you watched him go so you could wave a final goodbye before coming in and locking the door and heading back to Sam's room to go back to bed.

You groaned when the light burned your eyes, the phone ringing interrupting your sleep you bitterly answered "hello?" You heard a laugh erupt on the other side of the phone "I forgot your not a morning person, I just wanted to call and let you know how it's going, we got to Jericho a couple of hours ago. Still no sign of dad but we know he was definitely here we checked into the same motel" Sam told you and your anger instantly disappeared "that's god news sweetie, at least  you guys are on the right track I just hope you get back home before Monday, it sucked when you left last night. I could hardly sleep last night after everything" you told him making him chuckle down the phone the sound running straight to your core 

"Yeah I couldn't sleep either.  I hated leaving you like that I wanted to bring you with me but your better there, me and dean will have to look through a ton of shit to find. Not something a girl like you should be seeing" Sam flirted "yeah I was ready to jump in with you too I just didn't want to over step, besides I have my dumb exam in an hour. I didn't spend that long studying just for me to miss the damn thing” you told him "your gonna do great, I'll let you go, I'm sure you wanna get breakfast and get showered before your exam so good luck I know your gonna crush it and I promise I'll call you tonight" Sam promised, you always forget how well that boy knows you "yeah I'll let you know how it goes later... if I survive the exam" you joked making Sam let out a hearty laugh "I'll talk to you later gorgeous" "bye Sammy" you replied and then all you could hear was silence at his end of the line.

You sighed placing your phone back on Sam's night stand, this sucked first you were almost attacked, then you and best friend confessed your feelings for each other... had the best sex of your life, got a boyfriend then poof next day your alone again. At least you only had to be alone till Monday.

"Everything good with the misses?" Dean called from the bathroom "yeah she's good just going in for her exam" Sam told him, Dean hummed sticking his head out the bathroom door, shaving cream on his face "we'll head to the library in 30 mins that'll take your mind off her for a while" Sam rolled his eyes giving his brother a pointed look "she's my girlfriend dean, I don't need to my mind off her" dean smirked at his brother and shut the bathroom door again. This was going to be a long three days.

You went about your day as normal first you had your exam, which sucked you know for a fact you've failed and it sucked you couldn't even bitch about it to your boyfriend for a few hours. You decided to kill the time by watching some tv and ordering a pizza, you decided to switch on law and order but couldn’t help but watch as the hours kept changing on the clock, you stopped checking when it hit 8pm and you still heard nothing from Sam. 

Sam didn't call until after 3:46pm, you groaned as you looked around to see the shopping channel playing on the television, you winced when you moved your head to quick, obviously falling asleep on the couch wasn't the best idea. You grabbed your phone from the coffee table and quickly answered "hello?" Sam let out the breath that he was holding, he wasn't expecting you to answer, he just needed to hear your voice, even if it was a voicemail "hello, is someone there?" You asked rubbing the sleep from your tired  eyes  "I- I'm sorry I woke you- I just I really needed to hear your voice, had a bit of a rough day…” Sam confessed and you were instantly awake 

“What happened Sammy, did you guys find your dad? Did he do something?” You ran through every possibility hating that Sam was feeling so crappy “we haven’t found him specifically, but he left coordinates, so Deans gonna drop me back home tomorrow and head off to se if he’s there” Sam said quietly down the phone “oh Sammy I’m sorry that sucks… I mean don’t get me wrong I want you back home but I really wish you guys found your dad. Dean seemed really worried yesterday…” you confessed 

“Yeah my dad will end up turning up at some point, he always does, anyway how did your exam go, do you feel good about it?” Sam questioned making you sigh and let out a dry chuckle “god I hoped you forgot about that. It sucked definitely see a giant F in my future” you joked making Sam laugh quietly because Dean was sleeping beside him “I’m sure you did great. That’s just your nerves talking-” Sam was cut off by another voice before him

You could only make out a little of what was being said “dude it is 4am I need at least another hour of beauty rest now shut your damn mouth or take it outside” Dean grumpily exclaimed “alright Dean Jesus, relax” Sam retorted and you could practically hear his eyes roll from the phone “hey Y/N I’m really sorry but I gotta go before Dean’s head rolls” Sam said making you giggle “okay well I’ll see you tomorrow won’t i? Call me when your close I don’t care how late it is” you asked and Sam complied “yeah of course, good night. Make sure the doors and windows are all locked, I’ll call you tomorrow gorgeous bye” Sam reminded you “bye Sammy” you said sadly as you hung up the phone 

You shut the tv off before checking the door one  last time before heading to bed making sure Sam’s window was closed, Sam was always so paranoid it ended up rubbing off on you over your time living  with him. You weren’t in Sam’s bed two minutes before you were out cold in a deep sleep. Completely unaware of evil entity in the room watching you. 

You ended up sleeping right through your alarm clock this morning but it was fine it’s not like you had a class, you just wanted to get the place ready for Sam coming back, you dreaded the thought of leaving the nice warm bed but you knew the living room was a mess and you wanted to clean Sam’s room and change his sheets just to do something nice for him. You groaned in exaggeration as you pulled your self from the bed, you decided to pull on a pair of shorts and Sam’s shirt so you could at least be comfortable when cleaning. You checked your phone and your stomach dropped slightly at the zero messages, you were hoping you would have from Sam hoping that he was on his way back, you shook of that thought and decided to get to work and pulled off the bed sheets.

“Dean for crying out loud hurry up please” sam said to his brother who was busy flirting with the diner waitress. Dean rolled his eyes and turned to his brother “dude, would you give me ten minutes to talk to…. I’m sorry what’s your name again sweetheart?” Dean asked the now pissed waitress who gave him a hate filled look before rolling her own eyes and storming off “alright then I guess that’s our cue” dean said getting up from the chair. 

Once they were on the road they travelled in silence for a few hours Sam’s eyes were focused on the world passing by out the window most of the time while led zeppelin played in the impala, Dean who was drumming away to the song against the wheel looked at his brother “you know, you and me make a pretty good team” Sam nodded and forced a smile “yeah we did” Sam agreed “you know we should team up like that more often, you and me kicking ass. Just like old times” dean pushed and Sam sighed “dean…” Dean nodded his head sadly, “yeah you have an interview tomorrow and a girl at home. I get it” Sam turned to look at dean properly who refused to take his eyes from the road “look dude it’s not that I don’t like spending time with you. I just don’t want it to be because of  hunting, I want that shit to stay as far away from me and Y/N as possible”. Sam exclaimed and dean said nothing, just kept his eyes on the road and turned the radio up to tell Sam he was done with the conversation. 

You finally finished, the apartment was spotless, the kitchen had only a fresh pizza box and a bottle of wine with two glasses waiting for Sam and you to have when he came home. You decided when you were out getting everything ready earlier to make it as romantic as possible for sam coming back. You went the whole nine yards, rose petals scattered from the door all the way up to the bed, you had a few candles lit around the room as the lights were turned off the cancelled being the only source of light. You were showered and had a baby pink teddy adoring your body, nerves practically consumed you as you waited for him.

“Can you turn it down a sec? I’m gonna call Y/N and let her know we’ll be back in 10” Dean nodded and turned the radio down so you could still hear it slightly. Sam pulled the phone away from his ear giving it a strange look “Huh no answer” dean chuckled “dude give her 5 minutes she might call back she might be in the shower or something, if she doesn’t call back in a few minutes then try her again” dean reassured his brother “yeah I guess. Just can you speed up a bit” dean nodded and put his foot down. Speeding towards Stanfords apartment complex.

“Alright Sammy I guess this is it for a while” dean said as Sam pulled his bag over his shoulder “yeah I guess… look Dean don’t think you can’t visit us. You can always come over here, preferably with no hunt-” the brothers heart to heart was interrupted by a loud scream. Their heads snapped in the direction of Sam’s apartment “no, no Y/N!” Sam yelled and took off running, his brother right behind him his gun in his hands ready.

Sam kicked the apartment door down and ran in in. His eyes scanned the room not seeing you anywhere, both boys took off running towards Sam’s room when another scream shattered the room “Y/N!” Sam yelled not seeing you anywhere before a force forced  him  down to the bed his eyes stuck on the ceiling “no! Y/N no” Sam struggled against the invisible force as he saw you stuck to the ceiling crying unable to talk “son of a bitch!” Dean yelled looking for a way to get you down. You gained your voice back quickly when you let out another scream of agony  as a slice pulled it’s way through your stomach “No!” Sam yelled fighting against the force, he felt like his head was being ripped apart as he fought. He wasn’t letting you die, he didn’t care if it killed him. 

Sam was able to get up and he stood on the bed trying to pull you down “Dean help me please!” Sam cried begging his brother. Dean was on his feet in an instant grabbing your other side the brothers pulled as hard as they could but you weren’t budging “I don’t wanna die” you cried. You were terrified, you had no idea what happened one minute you were setting the room up, the next something had you pinned to the ceiling. “I’m not going to let you baby I swear, I’m getting you down!” Sam grunted out his voice stained as he and dean used all their force “alright on three. One, two, three!” Both men grunted as they pulled with everything they had

You cried when you landed down against Sam’s body “hey it’s okay, I’ve got you” Sam promised as he held his hands tightly against your abdomen, wincing when you cried “holy- we’ve gotta go, Now!” Dean yelled panicked when a fire erupted from the ceiling. Sam picked you up bridal style to run out, you couldn’t help the tremble in your body, seeing how close to death you really were, one more minute and you were gonna end up barbecued….

“Lay her down in the back. Keep pressure on her wound” dean rushed out before getting in the drivers seat. Sam was as gentle as possible as he got into the back seat, you were finally able to get a good look at him, well as good a look as you could with your vision blurring from the pain, you could see his face was wet with tears. You wanted nothing more than to reach out and wipe them away but all you could really focus on right now was staying alive. Dean was driving to the hospital as fast as baby would let him he took a glance in the rear view mirror every now and seen Sam’s sad face just staring at your broken figure.

Thankfully with deans speeding you were at the hospital in what felt like forever but was really 14 minutes. Dean parked the car outside the ambulance bay and rushed in for help. Sam was carrying you out of the car and ran through the doors “lay her down here” a nurse told him pointing to the gurney. He watched as they gathered around you including two doctors. They started to wheel you down the hall  and Sam set off to follow after you. A set of hands in front of him stopping him in his tracks “sir you can’t go back there you’ll need to stay here”

“No that’s my girlfriend I’m not leaving her there alone, I- I” Sam panicked dean rushing up behind him to take over with the talking “look my brothers pretty broken up about all this when can he see her” the nurse paused before telling him “I’m not sure, they’re taking her into surgery right now” Sam’s head snapped over his eyes widened in worry “surgery? I thought she needed stitches?” She shook her head and look down at her clip board “sir your girlfriend was rushed in with a slash on her abdomen, she lost a lot of blood and they have to check there’s no infections before they stitch the wound. I’ll let you know if there is any updates” she told him before rushing off down the hall Sam watched as tears made there way down his face.

“Come on, Sammy you need to sit down” dean said patting his brothers shoulder in a comforting manner, Sam said nothing but just sat down on the edge of the seats his head resting against his hands as his leg bounced nervously “Sam… we’ve gotta talk about what happened-” dean tried to say before sam turned to argue “there’s nothing to talk about Dean. I know what did this to her, and I’m not gonna stop hunting it until it’s dead. I’ll be dammed if I ever let anything like that happen to her again!” Said exclaimed quietly 

Dean gave his brother a look before nodding “we’ll get that bastard Sammy, together. When Y/Ns out of surgery and gets the all clear we’ll head to dads coordinates. If anyone wants that demon dead more than you it’s him, he might have a few leads” Sam nodded and stayed silent. This felt like a dream. A really, really bad dream that Sam just couldn’t wake up from.

“Excuse me, Mr Winchester?” Sam’s head snapped up to see an older gentleman in a white coat “yes that’s me, is she okay, Y/N? Is she going to be okay?” Sam asked panicked the man nodded “she’s going to be alright, we were able to stabilise her. She needs to get her stitches removed in three weeks time and they need to be cleaned regularly, there was no visible sign of infection but I’m going to prescribe anti-biotics any way just to be sure” Sam let out a sigh of relief “oh thank god. Thank you so much doctor… can I see her now, please” Sam pleaded making the doctor nod “of course right this way” 

Sam lightly punched a sleeping Deans arm making him jump up “what- oh right I’ll wait here, let me know how she is” dean told his brother wanting to give him some time alone with her. Sam followed the doctor down into your room, the first thing he saw was how peaceful you looked in your sleep, they had a heart monitor and oxygen on you. Sam’s heart dropped at the sight, it was his damn fault you were in this position and he hated himself for causing this

He walked over to you slowly, he sat on the hospital chair beside you he took your hand in his, his thumb rubbed across your knuckles as he stared at your sleeping figure “I’m so sorry this happened to you, you didn’t deserve this. I promise you I’m gonna hunt that bastard down and I’m going to rip him apart for doing this to you” Sam told you as his body shook with anger, wet hot tears falling down his cheeks. 

You scrunched your eyes as you struggled to adjust to the blinding hospital light, you looked down at your arm when you felt a pressure resting against it and you found Sam sound asleep on the chair his hand holding yours tightly in his “S-Sam?” You croaked out, your voice raw from the oxygen. Sam’s eyes snapped open at the sound of your voice, he sat up quickly a smile brightening his face for the first time in 12 hours “thank god your awake!” Sam exclaimed and squeezed your hand. He wanted to hug and kiss you but he didn’t want to hurt you anymore than you already were so he held it together 

“Sam, what the hell happened. That was- I mean I was- Jesus I was stuck to the ceiling. I just… I don’t understand what happened” you confessed and Sam could hear your heart monitor start to beat faster as you panicked “hey, hey don’t worry. I’m going to explain everything, I promise” Sam assured you, you nodded and motioned for him to continue 

Sam sat back on the chair his leg starting to bounce once again as his anxiety took over his body “well your going to think that I’m crazy. But please, please just listen to me” Sam begged and you nodded “of course I’ll listen to you Sammy” you promised reaching for his big warm hand, Sam took a deep breath before continuing “well what happened to last night was a demon-” “what do you mean demon?” You interrupted and Sam sighed “what I’m about to tell you is something I wished to god I didn’t have to. Hell I wish I didn’t know! But I was raised knowing this crap. Everything that goes bump in the night is real, vampires, werewolves, witches and well demons. I know this because I hunted them right up till I came to Stanford, that’s why Dean came to our apartment last night, our dad didn’t go missing hunting deer, he was hunting a ghost” 

you were speechless, every damn thing you were afraid of as a kid, always getting reassured none of it was real and that was only stories to make little kids afraid… it was real, it was all fucking real “Y/N please say something. Anything please” Sam begged trying to gain your attention back  “I want to learn it” Sam stared at you shocked “you what?”

“I want to learn it. To hunt these things, I want to learn to defend myself against these things!” You exclaimed and Sam stared at you like you grew a second head “Y/N trust me you don’t want to be a hunte-” “yesI do Sam. I can’t help but think of all those other innocent people who know nothing about this crap. Sam I cannot know monsters are real and not protect innocent people” you told sam as your voice cracked, your emotions getting the better of you “I understand that, believe me I do. Wanting to protect innocent people in this is what keeps you going in the hunting life… look the most I’m willing to compromise in this is you coming on the road with Dean and I, you stay in the motel room, you do not hunt. You can research” Sam said making you smile “alright, that’s a start I can work with that” 

Sam have you an uneasy smile back, he sighed and continued “I just I need you to understand the things you need to forget about if you come.” You nodded your head for him to keep going “you would have to leave college too and you would have to cut family and friends contact to little to none to protect them” you scoffed “that’s it? That’s no problem, I’m flunking college anyway and I don’t even speak to my family- hey I’m already half way to being a hunter” you attempted to joke “alright then, I guess that’s settled, Dean said we’ll hit the road once your discharged” Sam told you and you couldn’t help the smile the crept onto your lips, you get to spend the rest of your life hunting things, saving people along with your boyfriend, all you had to do now was convince Sam to train you to be on the field hunting not behind a dumb computer screen.

Finally after three days in the hospital the doctor decided you were good enough to discharge, though only after Sam got a long letter on how to care for your abdomen wound and you had to promise to go to the neared hospital in a few weeks to have them removed.

Once you signed the discharge papers dean was pulling up behind you and Sam, in front of him was a hospital wheelchair… “alright sweetheart, you chariot awaits” you giggled and sat down on the wheelchair with a small wince, but hey, who were you to argue with Dean Winchester wanting to push you in comfort to his car. “Here let me help you in” Sam said pulling you gently to stand “alright easy does it gorgeous” Sam reminded you as he gently lowered you to the seat. He took note of the pain look on your face before slowing helping you get your legs in “you okay sweetheart? You comfortable enough in there?” Dean called and you nodded “yeah I’m okay, it’s just a little sore but ill be alright” 

Sam leaned in to help you pull your seatbelt on, he ended up taking his jacket off to wrap around your legs to avoid the material hurting your wound further… and to sneak a quick kiss before shutting the door gently.

He followed dean to the trunk as they unloaded there everyday weapons “you ready Sammy?” Dean said shutting the weapons cover, Sam nodded and slammed the trunk down “let’s go get that son of a bitch!” 

[thelittleangel]

how they would react to you coming out as trans (ftm)

warnings: mentions of transphobia, and misgendering.

tags: physical affection, coming out, trans reader, male reader, can be read as romantic or platonic.

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Rick Grimes, Daryl Dixon, Shane Walsh, Negan, Dale Cooper

Fandoms: supernatural, the walking dead, twin peaks.

authors note: if you like this one, I can write an MtF version.

Sam Winchester

trans ally Sam my beloved.

he probably already had a feeling.

he would see every time you would readjust the way you were sitting, or every time you would cross your arms over your chest.

he sees every time you stare into the mirror, wondering who the person looking back is.

so, yeah, he had a feeling.

he sits quietly with you while you say what you need to.

he wraps you in the tightest hug you've ever had.

immediate he/him, your chosen name, everything.

he takes you to every appointment and he's always waiting outside, or in the room with you.

he holds a party for every milestone

Dean Winchester

you're in the library, doing research.

he sits across from you drinking a beer, looking at something on the laptop.

"Dean I have something to tell you."

he looks up from what he's doing.

as you begin to tell him, he shuts the laptop.

Direct eyes contact the entire time.

"It ain't the weirdest thing I've seen."

he takes you out and gets you a more masculine wardrobe, if that's what you want.

he wants to be more respectful of what you want.

his father forced him to be a very macho type of person, and he doesn't want you to feel like you have to be this ultra masculine type of person.

Castiel

He knows what being trans is.

When you tell him, he stays quiet. he listens to what you have to say because he knows how important this is to you.

he keeps a mental record of your name, pronouns, what triggers your dysphoria, what makes you feel less dysphoric, and things of that nature.

Whenever you feel dysphoric, he gives you his trench coat to wrap up in.

Rick Grimes

you're going to have to explain it to him.

once he understands, he's like

oh

okay

if you wear a binder, he makes sure you don't wear it for longer that 8 hours.

he makes sure to use the right pronouns and the right name.

he tries to make sure that the others do too.

Daryl Dixon

"Wha'?"

once you explain it to him, it's all good.

he's so worried about messing up as far as pronouns or your name.

"You jus' tell me when I mess up, alrigh'?"

he keeps track of how long you've had your binder on and lets you know when it's time.

he goes on runs to make sure you have testosterone. he also makes sure that any of the needles and syringes are safe and clean to use.

Shane Walsh

he doesn't understand at first.

you're gonna have to explain it a few times.

"She goes by He/Him."

he makes sure you're not wearing your for more than eight hours, that you're taking your meds and generally taking care of yourself.

he will go on runs with you to get testosterone.

he tries his best to understand.

Negan

I am a firm believer in ally Negan.

he understands what being trans is.

it's an immediate switch.

he gets the pronouns and name right first try.

he gets the saviors to get you testosterone.

he makes sure you only wear your binder for eight hours and not a second more, especially in the summer.

he finds a doctor to get you top surgery if you want to do that.

Dale Cooper

the most ally to ever ally

probably the most supportive character in this entire list.

instant he/him

goes with you to pride parades

celebrates all the anniversaries with you

goes with you to all the appointments.

stays with you when you recover from surgery.

stays with you when you are feeling especially dysphoric.

[atlas-assbutt]

Imagine if Cas was a hunter and he kept bumping into Dean on hunts. Like they become hunting partners after a bit. Sam is still in Stanford. No apocalypse, no handprint. Cas would still be able to listen to angel radio, because he’s a fallen angel and doesn’t know it. He and Dean forge their own destiny.

[supernaturalscribe67]

T-Shot

Words: 8,204

POV: 3rd Person

Pairing: Castiel x Trans!FTM!Reader

Warning(s): Language, Needles, Description of testosterone injection, slight angst if you squint, hurt/comfort, description of afab anatomy (use of the word 'clit' once), fluff, Castiel not understanding social cues

Summary: The reader has started his journey with testosterone, and his boyfriend, Castiel, promises to be with him every step of the way. What Castiel didn't realize was that the testosterone would change (Y/N) more than he realized.

Request:

Hi I was just wondering if you could do a Sam or even Cas fic (romantic) where reader is trans FTM and also asexual. Where the reader starts testosterone and sam or cas helps them with the new changes. You can just have fun with it. Make it a sad a bit too but end with a happy note :)

Anonymous

A/N: Someone please come and take this pen away from me. This fic was only supposed to be, about, 3k words, I don't know how it turned into my longest fic. I hope you guys enjoy! Feedback is much appreciated!

~Much Love!

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

As he descended the bunker steps, the paper bag crinkled in (Y/N)’s hands. It was the best sound he had ever heard in his entire life. For, in that very bag, was the key to achieving everything he had dreamed of and more, allowing him to get one step closer to the person he was destined to be. And it all came in a little glass vial.

(Y/N) looked in the library but found it empty, so he walked down the hallway to his bedroom. His steps were rapid, anxious, yet excited. When he entered, he saw Castiel on his bed, who sat up. The movement of the door startled him, but he was quick to recover. (Y/N) flashed a small smirk his way.

“Hey,” he greeted and closed the door behind him.

“You’re back,” Castiel stated and stood from his spot on the bed. He took a couple of steps closer to him. “How did it go?”

(Y/N) held up the bag. “I got it.” His smile widened.

Castiel matched his grin as he stepped even closer. He reached a hand up to cup (Y/N)’s cheek and gave him a soft peck on the lips. “I’m glad to hear that it went well. When are you scheduled to take your first dose?”

“Well, the doc said I can take it anytime I want to start. I just have to make sure to keep it spread out to a dosage every week. So, today’s, what? Wednesday? I’ll be taking them every Wednesday from now on. Preferably at night. Easier for me to keep track that way.”

Castiel nodded as he listened intently to everything (Y/N) told him. “I see. When will you plan on taking it tonight?” He tilted his head to the side. 

“I was going to wait until after supper, but I’m too excited to wait.”

“May I watch you?”

“Of course, babe,” he said before he walked past Castiel and over to his bed.

(Y/N) sat the bag down before he took his shoes off, kicking them to the side. He then unbuckled his belt and let his jeans fall to the floor with a light clink. He stood in nothing but his boxers and t-shirt. He would have taken his binder off to make himself even more comfortable, but he was so focused on getting the medicine in his body that he didn’t even consider it an inconvenience. As (Y/N) sat on the bed, he beckoned Castiel over and patted the spot next to him. Castiel followed his instructions and sat down, his hands folded between his knees. He watched with great concentration as (Y/N) grabbed the paper bag and ripped it open. Inside the bag was a long, rectangular box, two different sets of needles, four syringes, alcohol wipes, and band-aids. Castiel studied the supplies curiously.

“This is everything I’ll need for the month. I have my testosterone, the bigger needles to extract it, the 23-gauge needles to inject it, syringes, alcohol wipes for sterilizing my skin and the surface of the vial, and cute little cat band-aids for when I’m done.” (Y/N) explained, showing Castiel all of the supplies as he talked.

Castiel paid close attention. He examined everything presented to him, taking in as many details as he could. He picked up the small box and opened it. The vial dropped into his hand when he tilted it to the side. His eyes narrowed as he examined the clear content. As he moved his hand back and forth, he watched the solution swish around inside.

“This is what you put into your body to change yourself?” He asked.

“Yep. It may not seem like much, but once it kicks in, you’ll start to see the differences.”

(Y/N) grabbed the box of alcohol wipes and opened them up. He grabbed two from the pack; one for the injection location and the other for the vial. He set the unopened packs beside him and did the same with one of the band-aids. The needles soon followed, one of each being placed beside him, each of their packages opened to allow easy access when he went to switch them out. Next, was the syringe. It, too, stayed in the sterile plastic, but was opened for easy access. He then turned to Castiel and held out his hand. Castiel carefully placed the vial in his hand, and the process began.

(Y/N) grabbed the syringe and connected the larger needle to the end of it. He set that to the side and grabbed one of the alcohol wipes, ripping the corner of the packet with his teeth. Using the wipe, he cleaned off the top of the vial. He disposed of the wipe and grabbed the needles and syringe. The needle was uncapped, and he could feel the nerves bubble inside of him. He pulled the plunger of the syringe, allowing air to collect inside. The doctor said it would make for a more accurate extraction. With caution and precision, he injected the needle into the cap, tilted the vial upwards, and took out the dosage prescribed. The mere sight of the testosterone dripping into the syringe sent euphoria coursing through his body. 

With the extraction completed, he replaced the needle with the 23-gauge. He took a deep breath to steady himself, took out the other alcohol wipe, and disinfected the area on the top of his thigh. 

“Alright, the moment of truth,” he mumbled.

Using one hand to grasp the flesh of his upper thigh, (Y/N) gently guided the needle to his skin. The initial prick shocked his muscles a bit, as he wasn’t aware of how tense he had been. They were tight, and he knew he had to focus on relaxing them, otherwise it would hurt worse than it was supposed to. He didn’t stop pushing it in until the needle was fully in his thigh, the base of the needle almost flush against his skin. Once it was sheathed inside of him, his thumb shifted to the plunger and he began the injection. It wasn’t much - the doctor explained that the first couple of dosages would be smaller until they got a good sense of how his body was reacting to the medication - but it felt as if it took an eternity before the syringe was empty. When he was done, he, carefully, pulled out the needle. A small dot of blood mixed with testosterone appeared on top of his leg. He capped the needle and set it off to the side before he grabbed the bandage and placed it over the blood. 

He stared at the band-aid for a moment - it came in a cheap pack of twelve and had a blurred image of two kittens cuddling on it - before he looked up at Castiel.

“I did it,” he smiled brightly. “I just got my first t-shot.”

Castiel’s eyes shifted to (Y/N)’s and he mirrored his smile. He took a second to look over his features. Slowly, his expression shifted from joy to slight confusion. “You don’t look different.”

(Y/N) chuckled. “It takes some people a couple of months to notice any physical changes. It’s not magic. Wish it was,” he mumbled. “That’s why I need to do it every week, so it stays in my system and makes the changes.”

“Ah,” Castiel nodded. “Well, I’m proud of you, (Y/N),” he took his hand in his.

(Y/N) furrowed his brows. “For poking myself with a needle?”

Castiel shook his head. “You told me that getting your testosterone was going to be your biggest step in your journey of self-discovery so far. I’m proud that you were brave enough to take this step to become the person you’ve been destined to become.” Castiel reached up and gently cupped (Y/N)’s cheeks.

As cliche as it was, (Y/N) could feel his heart skip a beat. Ever since he told Castiel about wanting to start testosterone, he had been nothing but supportive. He always expressed that he wanted (Y/N) to live the life he wanted to live and that he would be by his side for the best and the worst of it. (Y/N) got lucky enough to have a partner like Castiel. It was as if he came right out of a dream. For that, he would always be grateful.

(Y/N) reached up and brushed his fingers against Castiel’s knuckles. “I love you, forever and always.”

“I love you, too. Forever and always.” Castiel replied, leaned in, and kissed him softly.

*~*

“Holy shit, this pizza is so good,” (Y/N) mumbled as he shoved the rest of the crust into his mouth, stuffing his cheeks full.

Sam and Dean gave him a questioning stare as he ate, their bites slow and methodical compared to his. Castiel, on the other hand, stared at him with an intense look of concern. It had been a little over a month since (Y/N) started testosterone and, while there hadn’t been many noticeable physical changes, there was one thing that everyone took notice of almost immediately; his intense change of appetite. 

Man, could that boy eat.

It wasn’t the fact that he served himself more during meals, either. If he wasn’t eating a meal, he was snacking. He snacked on chips, candy, fruits, vegetables, sandwiches, you name it. Anything that could be placed in a pantry or fridge had been eaten by (Y/N). Dean couldn’t even count on one hand the amount of times he had gotten on him for eating in the car, only to get a stern glare from both him and his boyfriend. Castiel hadn’t been too sure why (Y/N) began to eat as much as he had been. When he asked about it, (Y/N) simply told him that it was because of the testosterone, but didn’t give many details other than that. It left Castiel with a lot of questions that sat in the back of his mind, curious about the other aspects of testosterone that caused non-physical changes to occur.

(Y/N) reached for another slice, hesitated, and then grabbed the last two slices.

“Hungry?” Dean asked with a quirked brow.

“Starving,” (Y/N) mumbled, his mouth still recovering from his last bite.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked. “That’s, at least, your fifth and sixth slices.”

“Sam’s right, (Y/N). You’ve been eating a lot recently. Are you sure you’re alright?” Castiel asked warily, placing a hand on (Y/N)’s knee, rubbing it comfortingly.

(Y/N) chuckled. “I’m fine, babe,” he said, cheekful of food. “It’s just the testosterone. It makes me really, really hungry.”

Castiel flashed him another concerned look, despite the nod and small smile he gave. (Y/N) noticed his hesitancy and he flashed him a closed mouth smile. He placed his hand on top of his, swallowed his food, leaned over, and placed a small peck on the corner of Castiel’s lips. 

“I’m fine, babe, I promise.” He said as he looked into his eyes. 

Castiel studied his expression for a moment before he smiled again, one that was more genuine. “Alright.”

(Y/N) nodded briefly. “Okay, I’m going to the bathroom,” he said before he pointed at Sam and Dean. “Don’t touch my pizza.” The threat dripped from his lips. 

Sam and Dean raised their brows and watched as (Y/N) stood from the table, his eyes still piercing their souls as he left the room. Dean shook his head and took another bite of his food. Castiel glanced over at (Y/N)’s plate, then cast his gaze down to the table. His hands were on his knees, and he rubbed them tightly. Sam, noticing the distraught on his face, cocked his head in curiosity.

“What’s up, Cas?” he asked, placing his food back onto his plate. He folded his arms on the table.

Castiel gazed up at him for a moment before he shook his head. “I’m just worried about (Y/N). He doesn’t normally act like this.”

Sam gave him a sympathetic smile. “It’s a pretty big change, the testosterone. It’s as if he’s going through puberty all over again.”

“Sam’s right,” Dean chimed in, some pizza sauce and spittle peaking out of the corner of his full mouth. “Sammy ate like a pig when he hit puberty.”

“Not helping,” Sam deadpanned. “It’s just a side effect of the drug. It won’t last forever.”

“That’s what he told me, but I didn’t think it would change him like that.”

Sam chuckled. “Trust me, you’ve just scratched the surface of the side effects. It’ll be an interesting journey, to say the least.”

That comment didn’t seem to ease Castiel’s worry, which Sam took notice of. He sighed.

“Tell you what,” he dug into his pocket and took out his phone. “I have a couple of articles regarding the side effects of testosterone. Keep in mind, not everyone goes through the same experience, though, and not in the same order as others, either, but I can send them to you so you can at least have an idea of what (Y/N) could go through.”

Castiel nodded. “Thank you, Sam. That would put my mind at ease.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Dean shrugged as he chewed the last bite of his pizza. He brushed the crumbs off of his hands. “So the kid has a bottomless stomach, who cares? The only bad thing about it is that he steals all the damn food! I didn’t even get a chance to have more,” he gestured to the empty, grease-filled pizza box in the center of the table.

Sam rolled his eyes. “You’ll live,” he mumbled.

Dean looked over at (Y/N)’s plate, eying the single intact slice. It was obvious that the gears in his head were turning.

“Dean,” Castiel said in a deep tone of warning.

“What!?” He held out his hands dramatically. “I’m hungry.” Dean paused, eyes still glued on the food. Casually, he reached over and grabbed the uneaten slice. He brought it to his face and was about to take a bite when a loud, booming voice echoed throughout the kitchen.

“Drop it!” (Y/N) shouted.

Dean visibly jumped, eyes wide as he turned to see (Y/N) in the doorway, eyes laced with red fury. He quickly put the pizza back onto (Y/N)’s plate, got up from the table, plate in hand, and walked swiftly over to the sink. Sam snorted and took a bite of his food as (Y/N) stalked over to the table. He glared daggers into the back of Dean’s head. If looks could kill, Dean would have been dead…again. (Y/N) sat back down. 

“Asshole,” (Y/N) grumbled under his breath, picked up one of the slices, and took another bite.

*~*

Every fiber of his being was sore. Grave digging was not for the weak, and that was exactly how (Y/N) felt after the salt and burn. The three of them came out of the hunt with some minor scrapes and bruises that were certain to go away on their own over time. Injury-wise, he was fine, but his muscles screamed in pain and agony as he moved from the Impala to the motel room door. They begged for relief in the arms of a hot shower, but he knew his blessings were limited. The pain, however, wasn’t the only thing he noticed during the aftermath of the hunt. Once the adrenaline wore off and his senses finally came back to him, there was one crucial detail he had failed to take notice of before then.

(Y/N) smelled horrible.

It wasn’t as if he had gotten blood or guts on himself during the hunt. All he did was sweat. He knew there would be some changes in the way his body odor smelled, but, in no way would he have assumed it would be as pungent and foul as it was. He even made sure to layer on the deodorant during his pre-hunt preparation as an extra precaution, but it was all to no avail.

“I call first shower,” (Y/N) said as Dean took the room key out and unlocked the door. “Have I always smelled this bad?”

Dean scoffed. “I was going to offer you the first shower, anyway. You smell awful. I was going to say something earlier, but I figured Sammy would yell at me or something.”

The three of them entered the room, welcomed to the sight of Castiel laid back on his and (Y/N)’s shared bed. He sat up, eyes immediately scanning over their bodies, taking in all of their details for any sign of injury. Sam shook his head and walked over to his duffel bag that lay on the floor next to the opposite bed.

“Yeah, ‘cause you would have probably been a dick about it,” he retorted.

“I would not!” Dean exclaimed as he strode to his bag.

“No, please, be a dick about it. I wanna know for the next time.” (Y/N) shook his head and retrieved some night clothes from his duffel.

“What would Dean have been a dick about?” Castiel asked, head tilted slightly to the side.

“About telling me if I smell.” (Y/N) answered.

Castiel furrowed his brows. “I thought it was considered rude to tell people they smell bad.”

“Yeah, random people. Dean’s my friend, though, and friends help each other like that. They tell you if you smell or look bad to save you from embarrassment in public.”

“Does that apply to myself as well?”

(Y/N) smirked. “Yes, Cas, it does.”

“So, should I inform you of the red and white spots that you have on your face?”

(Y/N)’s smirk vanished and was replaced by a deep frown. Wordlessly, he walked past Castiel and to the bathroom. The dim light illuminated the poorly decorated room, the vent whirring to life. He stood in front of the basin and studied himself in the mirror. Upon closer inspection, (Y/N) gaped. Accompanying the blotches of dirt scattered around his face were red, angry zits. There were some across his cheeks, some on his forehead, and a giant, ready-to-pop whitehead on his chin. Castiel made his way over and placed his hand on the doorframe.

“Is everything alright, (Y/N)?” Castiel asked cautiously.

“No! Everything’s not okay!” (Y/N) whined and squeezed past his boyfriend so he could point an accusatory finger at Sam and Dean. “Some fucking friends you are! First, you don’t tell me that I smell bad, and now I find you didn’t tell me that my face looks like it lost a fight with a pizza!?”

“(Y/N), plenty of adults have acne. I didn’t think it was a big deal,” Sam defended himself.

Dean pursed his lips. “I thought Sam would yell at me.” He shrugged.

Sam shot Dean a glare and (Y/N) sighed.

“I went out as an agent like this.” He complained.

“You look fine,” Sam said.

“Fine? I look like I got out of a five-hour Leave of Legends session and drank Mountain Dew nonstop! That mixed with my voice sounding like I’m going to beg my mom for the new Fortnite Battlepass doesn’t necessarily scream agent.”

Sam and Dean both held in their laughter as they looked away. (Y/N) shook his head. 

“I’m so glad you two find this funny,” he grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest.

Castiel came over and placed a hand gently on his waist. “(Y/N)?”

(Y/N) turned his gaze to Castiel, absentmindedly leaning against him. “Yeah?”

“Despite the marks on your face, I still think you are the most handsome man I have laid eyes on.” He offered a soft, sweet smile.

(Y/N) stared at him and took a deep breath, lips pursed. Slowly, a smile crept onto the corner of his lips.

“You always know what to say to make me feel better.” He said, leaned up, and kissed Castiel on the lips.

“Ew!” Dean exclaimed as he picked up one of his pillows and chucked it at the couple. “Get a room!”

*~*

Another day but, fortunately, not another hunt. It had been a month since the group had been able to rest from the copious amount of cases available, and they were taking advantage of it. They deserved a small vacation. (Y/N) and Castiel spent quality time together in the man cave, curled up on the couch with a blanket draped over their laps. A movie that (Y/N) had practically begged Castiel to watch played on the television. Castiel was laid back against the arm of the couch, his arm draped around (Y/N)’s middle so he could hold him close. A bowl of popcorn, coated deliciously in butter, sat between them.

“I don’t understand the conflict that the two storm-chasing teams have with one another. What happened to cause the rift in their relationship?” Castiel asked, eyes glued to the screen.

(Y/N) shrugged. “Honestly, they don’t go into detail about why they’re against one another. I wish they did,” 

Castiel hummed and went back to watching the film. A couple of minutes went by before the sound of footsteps came closer to the room. Dean poked his head into the door. He looked at the TV and then down at the couple.

“Hey,” he said.

(Y/N) glanced at him, grabbed the remote, and paused the movie. “Yeah?”

“I’m heading out on a supply run. Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m good, thanks,”

“Alright, I’ll be back in a bit,” Dean moved away from the door and began to make his way down the hall.

(Y/N) watched the doorway intently as he listened to the footsteps disappear into the distance. “Can you do me a favor, babe?” 

“Of course,” Castiel said, his attention fully on (Y/N). “What is it?”

“When Dean comes back, can you distract him?”

Castiel furrowed his brows. “Why?”

“I might, and I’m saying might, have played a prank on Dean that he’s not going to be too happy about.”

“What did you do?”

“Well, you know how, recently, I’ve stopped having my period?”

“Yes?”

“I had a lot of tampons and pads left over, and I didn’t necessarily want them to go to waste. So, I figured, what better way to get rid of them than to prank Dean with them.”

“How would you prank Dean with menstrual cycle products?”

(Y/N) bit his lip, anticipation filling his chest. He practically counted down the seconds, awaiting Dean’s imminent return. His muscles were tense, and the urge to run began to rise inside of him.

“Let’s just say Baby has some new decorations.”

“(Y/N)!” Dean’s voice echoed throughout the bunker.

Castiel’s head whipped toward the door, then immediately returned to (Y/N). “I’ll distract him.”

“God, I love you,” (Y/N) planted a kiss on Castiel’s cheek. “Bye!”

Without a second to lose, he threw the blanket off of him and dashed out of the room as quickly as his legs would allow. 

*~*

(Y/N)’s jaw dropped in a massive yawn. The mere sight of his bed made him want to collapse, but he knew he would hate himself in the morning if he didn’t change into something more comfortable beforehand. Castiel was sat at the end of the bed, loving gaze attached to (Y/N) as he went over to the dresser to get dressed. He was practically on autopilot as he moved, grabbed an oversized t-shirt and a pair of night pants, and proceeded to undress. However, something stopped him in his tracks as he took his binder off. His head was cast down, studying his chest intently. 

Castiel had witnessed that many times before; a dysphoric episode. There had been times when (Y/N) would sit and question himself about his appearance, whether out loud or mentally. Castiel would always take the time to remind him of how handsome he thought he was. How perfect he was. The progress he had made with testosterone. How in love with him he was. That moment, though, seemed different. Castiel stood from the bed and walked over to him.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” He asked softly. 

(Y/N) glanced up at him before his attention shifted to the full-body mirror that rested beside the dresser. He tilted his body so the light from his bedside table illuminated his naked torso. In the warm light, he was able to get a better look at his chest. He smiled.

“Cas! Look,” he gestured to the mirror. 

Castiel stepped closer to him, gaze locked on the mirror. He paid close attention to his chest to see what had caused the sudden happiness in his partner. The presence of smaller hairs scattered precariously around his upper torso was evident in the light. When he glanced up at (Y/N), he noticed that the smile that had been on his face had somehow widened. 

“My chest hairs finally came in! I thought it was gonna take, at least, a couple more months.”

Castiel grinned. “That’s wonderful, (Y/N).” He studied the hairs more closely. “Will they continue to grow?”

“Probably. They should grow a lot thicker, and maybe a little bit longer.”

Castiel stared at him with adoration. Wordlessly, he reached up, cupped (Y/N)’s cheeks, and kissed him. (Y/N) raised his brows, but immediately returned the kiss. The kiss was long and light, filled with love. When Castiel pulled back, (Y/N) slowly opened his eyes. 

“What was that for?” He asked quietly, reaching a hand up to caress Castiel’s.

Castiel hesitated before he let out a sigh. “Admittedly, I was rather nervous about this whole process at first. I was unsure of what would happen and how it would affect you. I never want to see you hurt. However, I see how happy you are when you see yourself now. The negative thoughts you used to have about yourself diminished greatly, and you’re even more handsome than when we first met. I’ve come to realize that my love for you can, indeed, grow stronger, and it does so every day.”

(Y/N) could feel his heart and chest swell. If he was in a cartoon, he swore his pupils would turn into hearts.

“I love you, too, Cas,” He said softly as he wrapped his arms around his waist and laid his head against his chest. “More than you’ll ever know.”

*~*

(Y/N) had been in bed for three hours. Within the past week, he had started to experience bottom growth. Although he was excited to be able to start that part of his transition, to fully feel like his body was conforming to the person he was, he had to admit that the pain was more intense than he had originally anticipated. It wasn’t a constant pain, but when it arose, it felt like a dull, throbbing pain mixed with the sensation of a thousand needles simultaneously stabbing his clit. Painkillers worked for the first couple of days, but the relief gradually faded as the pain became more intense. No matter which way he sat down, stood, or laid down, nothing could dull the ache.

He had done some research on different forums about bottom growth, and he found that only a small - minuscule would be a more accurate word - amount of transmen experience full-on pain during bottom growth. So few that there was barely any information on how to relieve the pain. He could only assume that those people saw the thousands of comments claiming no one would have pain that they were too afraid to post about their own experience. He cursed himself for being so unlucky. His transition had been going so well. Of course there would be a hiccup. That was just his luck.

Perhaps it was similar to that of period cramps. Perhaps the intense pain would only last a while before it went away. Perhaps he was kidding himself. That he was the only transman to experience that level of discomfort. Perhaps that was just karma for thinking he could be a real man.

Fuck that. If pain was what it took to be a man, he was prepared to endure it, even if it killed him.

The icepack had turned warm and no longer provided relief. He had his eyes closed, head tilted back into the pillow, his fingers tangled tightly into his hair. A hiss passed his clenched teeth as another sharp pain attacked his nerves. As the pain slowly subsided, there was a light rasp on the door.

“Come in,” he groaned. 

The door opened a crack. Castiel poked his head into the room before he stepped inside. A worried look was prominent on his face as he closed the door and moved closer to the bed. 

“(Y/N), are you alright? Sam and Dean told me you’ve been in here for quite some time.” He asked, taking a seat next to him.

(Y/N) inhaled sharply as the dip of the bed caused discomfort to shoot between his legs. Castiel glanced between (Y/N)’s legs and his eyes.

“No, I’m not okay,” (Y/N) whined. “I started bottom growth and it hurts like Hell. I’m tired and hungry, but the aches are so bad that I don’t want to get up or go to sleep. I just want it all to pass,” 

Tears brimmed in the corners of his eyes as he ran his hand down his face. Castiel’s feeling of worry only intensified as he saw how (Y/N) had been affected. He shifted in his spot.

“(Y/N), I don’t like seeing you like this. Let me heal you,” he pleaded with him as he reached his index and middle finger towards his forehead.

(Y/N)’s eyes grew wide and he snatched Castiel’s wrist before he could be touched.

“Don’t you dare,” he growled, eyes narrowed and words dripped in venom.

Castiel raised his brows, taken aback by the tone of voice that was used. It was the first time (Y/N) had ever spoken to him like that.

“(Y/N), please, I can see how much you’re hurting. Let me take care of you.”

“No! Because I don’t know what your stupid angel juice will do to me. I’ve worked so hard to get where I’m at,” his voice was strained, broken.

“I just want you to be happy again.”

“I am happy!” (Y/N)’s loud voice echoed off the walls of the room as he sat up quickly.

He instantly regretted his movement when a painful shockwave struck his nerves. He clenched his jaw, cupped his crotch, and laid on his side, his back to Castiel. Castiel reached over to comfort him, but his hand was roughly shoved away. (Y/N) paid no mind to the expression of hurt Castiel had.

“I fought with myself my entire life to figure out who I am, and I fought even harder to get to where I am right now. If being in pain will turn me into the man I want to be, then so be it. Your father already made one mistake by putting me in the wrong body. I’m not going to sit here and let you reverse the progress I’ve made to finally fix his fuck-up.”

“(Y/N)-”

“No! I don’t want to hear it. Now get out.”

Castiel froze, surprised by the demand. It had been a while since he saw (Y/N) so angry, and the last time wasn’t even directed toward him. He never raised his voice at Castiel. Sure, they had their spats here and there, as most couples do, but they never shouted at one another. They knew how to talk about their problems, work through them, and discuss the way that they felt, something a decent amount of relationships lack. This was a whole new experience for Castiel.

He hated it.

At first, he contemplated talking to (Y/N) again. Try to convince him to take his offer to heal him. He hated seeing his partner in such a painful state, the same as at the end of any hunt. Castiel’s first instinct would be to heal him. To make the pain go away. To be able to see the smile he adored so much, which was hidden by the layers of agony he was experiencing. Alas, in the end, he decided against it. Instead, he opted to follow (Y/N)’s wants. He stood slowly, and quietly, from his spot on the bed and walked over to the door. His eyes never left (Y/N), his mind performing one last battle with itself, the urge to speak overwhelming. He held the desire back as he opened the door and left the room.

*~*

The library was quiet. Sam and Dean sat on either side of one of the tables, Sam with a pile of books laid out in front of him and Dean with his laptop and a small bowl of snacks. The occasional sound of pages being turned and the mouse pad click filled the room. Aside from the occasional small talk, they said nothing. Castiel entered the room, and their attention turned to him.

“Hey Cas,” Dean greeted.

“Hey Cas, how is he?” Sam followed up.

Castiel walked over to the table and sat down to the left of Dean. A sigh escaped his lips as he slouched in the seat, his folded hands resting on his stomach. He had a visibly defeated look on his face as he took some time to answer Sam’s question.

“He is in a lot of pain. I attempted to heal him, but he wouldn’t let me. He got upset with me and kicked me out of the room. I’ve never seen him so angry before.” Castiel shook his head.

Sam and Dean stared at him for quite some time.

“You tried to heal him?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Castiel confirmed. “He is in a lot of pain. I am certain I can make it go away.”

“Cas, he doesn’t want to be healed,” Sam said.

“I realize that, Sam.”

“No, I don’t think you do. I can tell you’re still upset about the whole thing. What (Y/N) is going through right now is a normal part of the transition. Granted, he has it a Hell of a lot worse than most, but, that’s why we called you. We thought you would be able to come over and comfort him.”

“I thought healing him would be comforting. It was supposed to make him feel better. To get him back to normal.”

“See? ‘Back to normal’. Don’t you see how that can be misconstrued?”

Castiel looked at him curiously. “I do not.”

“Well, what you see as something to be healed, (Y/N) doesn’t. He’s very proud of the pain he’s in. He views it as an accomplishment. To heal him and take that pain away, it would be as if you’re stripping him of that achievement.”

“Sam’s right,” Dean chimed in. “When he first noticed the bottom growth, he came to us saying, ‘Guys! Guys! I have a dick now!’.” Dean mocked with a smile, causing Sam and Castiel to grin as well. “And then, when the pain started, and we began to get worried, he would say, ‘It hurts like Hell, but I still have a dick’. He was still happy about it, even though it hurt.”

Castiel nodded, considering their words. “I see,” he trailed. “I know that this was a big deal for (Y/N), but I didn’t comprehend why he was willing to go through the pain. I understand, now, that it’s because he’s finally happy with himself and the progress he has made. The way I worded my concern for his wellbeing made it appear as if I wanted to reverse the work he has done.”

“Exactly!” Sam nodded.

“I would never want that, though. (Y/N) appears to be in the best mindset I have ever seen him in, and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that. I would never reverse the progress, even if I could.”

“We understand that. We know how much you love him-”

“Yeah, it’s kind of gross,” Dean mumbled.

Sam sighed. “As I was saying, we know how much you love him, and we recognize you would never say or do anything to threaten that progress, but when someone is in a lot of pain, they don’t always think clearly. Take Dean for example. When I have to stitch him up after a hunt, he says some pretty mean shit to me, but he never means it.”

“At least that’s what I let him think,” Dean whispered to Castiel just loud enough for Sam to hear.

Sam ran his fingers through his hair. “Dean, you’re not helping.”

“Sorry,” Dean cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair.

“(Y/N) is still head-over-heels in love with you.” Sam turned back to Castiel. “Pain can just make us say some stupid stuff. It would probably be best to give each other some space right now, think about what we discussed, and talk to one another tomorrow.”

“I think that is a good idea,” Castiel said as he stood from the table and brushed off his trenchcoat. “Will you keep me informed on how he is throughout the day?”

“Of course, man, yeah,” Sam smiled up at him, which Castiel was quick to return.

“Thank you. I will be on my way, then.”

“Where are you going?”

“To retrieve some of (Y/N)’s favorite treats to give to him. I’m hoping that might make him feel better.”

Sam’s smile widened. “That’s a good idea.”

*~*

It took (Y/N) over two hours to be able to fall asleep. The pain hadn’t been constant, but with how exhausted he was and the tears burning in the corner of his eyes, all he could do was lay there and think. He couldn’t believe the audacity that Castiel had to ask if he wanted to be healed. Scratch that. Castiel hadn’t even asked if he wanted it. He had simply told (Y/N) that he was going to heal him. He didn’t need that, though. He didn’t need to be fixed. (Y/N) was perfect the way he was, even if some things still needed to be tweaked. Nothing about him was broken. Therefore, nothing needed to be fixed.

Perhaps he was overthinking Castiel’s intentions. Truly, he never meant what (Y/N) interpreted it as, right? Castiel loved (Y/N), even though his physical attributes were changing, right? Of course, he did, otherwise, he wouldn’t have practically begged to heal him. Right?

With the image of Castiel’s pain-filled eyes in his mind, he couldn’t help but feel a tinge of guilt swell in his stomach. 

He had never snapped at Castiel before. He didn’t think Castiel deserved it. Especially now. All he had tried to do was make him feel better - in Castiel’s own way - and (Y/N) took the anger he had for the pain out on him. How could he do that to him? The shame was eating him up inside. There wasn’t much he could do, though. The aches and pains made any desire to move or speak vanish. He knew he had to apologize, to make things right, but it would have to wait until he felt better. 

Eventually, after another round of pain, (Y/N) could feel the exhaustion wash over him. His eyelids slid shut, and it didn’t take long for slumber to come.

*~*

The pain was more bearable when he awoke. It was more of a dull throb rather than needle-like stabbing. He was able to move around with mild discomfort. Even though he was more mobile, the exhaustion from the day before was still very much present, despite the hours of sleep he had gotten. The desire to crawl into his bed once more was intense. Thankfully, the lack of a hunt made that possible. So, as soon as he awoke, he got up, grabbed himself a water bottle, painkillers, and snacks, and retreated to his room.

While the pain had subsided substantially, his thoughts were clearer than before. He was able to think back to the spat he had with Castiel in greater detail and understanding. With a mind free of any pain-influenced thoughts, he felt even more guilty than he had before he slept. The hurt he had seen in Castiel’s eyes was practically burned into his soul. The only other time Castiel had looked at him with those eyes was when he was on the brink of death after a hunt gone wrong. He never wanted to be the cause for that look. He shouldn’t have snapped. Not at Castiel. Never at Castiel.

As he lay in bed, he pulled out his phone, brought up Castiel’s contact, and texted him.

Hey, babe. Could you come to our room when you get the chance, please?

He placed the phone onto his lap and began to nibble on the nail of his thumb. He couldn’t think of anything else. Nothing could shift his attention away from the problem at hand. Even if he tried to occupy himself with mindless scrolling or one of his hobbies, he didn’t think he would be able to concentrate on anything else. The whole disaster could have been avoided had (Y/N) thought about Castiel’s intentions rather than his insecurities. That was one of the character flaws he had to work on.

It wasn’t long before three soft knocks echoed against the wooden door, and (Y/N)’s head whipped up.

“Come in,” he said.

Just like before, the door opened a crack and Castiel poked his head inside before entering the room. Instead of the worried look he had before, it was replaced by intense nerves. Not only that, but, in his hands, Castiel held a small, decorative box, some items poking out of the top. The box was the least of (Y/N)’s worries.

“Good morning,” Castiel greeted, almost cautiously. “How are you feeling today?”

“A bit better. A little achy, but nothing like it was yesterday.”

“I’m glad.”

They sat in silence. (Y/N) still laid back on the bed while Castiel stood a couple of feet from him. The guilt only intensified. To think that Castiel was nervous to get closer to him because of his outburst broke his heart. Rightfully so. He patted the spot next to him on the bed. Castiel took the silent invitation and moved over to him. As he got closer, (Y/N)’s attention shifted to the box.

“What’s in there?” He asked quietly.

Castiel looked down at the box and then back at him. “It’s some of your favorite snacks,” he said and held out the box to him. “I figured it would make you feel better.”

Carefully, (Y/N) took the box from him and examined the contents. Inside were, indeed, some of his favorite snacks and candies. The guilt was killing him. He gave a small smile and set the box to the side.

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” Castiel gingerly sat beside him on the bed, careful of the way it shifted under his weight. “(Y/N), I wanted to apologize-”

“No, Cas,” (Y/N) interrupted. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, okay? I should be the one to apologize for what happened.”

(Y/N) turned his body in the bed, his face contorting slightly to a look of discomfort from the ache and settled for laying on his side so he could face Castiel.

“I should have never yelled at you like that. I should have never yelled at you at all. You were only trying to help. I realize that now, and I’m so sorry for the way I treated you.”

Castiel nodded. “Sam informed me that my intentions might have been misconstrued because of the pain.”

“They were at the time. The pain clouded my judgment and, in a sense, it made me assume you wanted to get rid of my bottom growth altogether. I know that’s impossible, and I don’t know what could have made me think otherwise. If you were capable of changing me to that extent, I would have asked you months ago to use your grace on me instead of taking hormones,” he let out a dry chuckle. “But, Cas, I hope you know that my being in pain doesn’t give me a reason to talk to you the way that I did.”

“I understand,” He replied, gaze cast down.

“Hey, look at me,” (Y/N) reached over and, using his index and middle fingers, turned Castiel’s head so that their eyes were connected. “You don’t deserve to be talked to like that, especially by me. I was a terrible boyfriend at that moment.”

“No, you weren’t,” Castiel shook his head as he grasped both of (Y/N)’s hands in his. “I’ve had time to reflect, and, if I’ve learned anything from my time on Earth, it’s that people make mistakes. It’s okay to make those mistakes as long as you take accountability for them. I took accountability for my mistake, and you took accountability for yours.”

“You’re right, accountability is very important, and people do make mistakes, but those mistakes shouldn’t hurt the ones we love. I love you, Castiel, more than you’ll ever truly know. You’ve stood by my side through every second of my transition and have continued to show your undying love and support for me, even when I’m a dick to you. You even got me a damn basket of my favorite snacks, even after what I did,” Tears streaked down his cheeks, and his voice began to quiver as he spoke. “You are so kind and caring and compassionate, and I don’t deserve you.”

“Stop,” Castiel reached a hand up and used his thumb to brush the tears away from his cheeks. “(Y/N), I love you, too. More than I ever thought possible. You deserve everything, and I wish I could give it to you. It hurt me so much to see you in pain, that I didn’t even consider your feelings. That was selfish of me, but, I know, from now on, I will consider what you want before I consider anything else.”

(Y/N) sniffled. “Oh, Cas, you’re not selfish. You are the most selfless person I have ever met. The fact that you care so much about me is one of the reasons why I fell in love with you in the first place. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just need to learn to keep my damn mouth shut when you’re trying to be nice,” he chuckled and leaned his forehead against Castiel’s. “Can you forgive me?”

Castiel opened his mouth to protest, to say that (Y/N) didn’t need to be forgiven, but he took a page out of his newly found book of social knowledge and gave him a small smile. “Yes, I forgive you. Do you forgive me?”

(Y/N) attempted to do the same, to say that Castiel had done nothing wrong, to repeat the same line he had just preached. But he just copied the smile and gave a faint nod. “I forgive you.” He whispered as he leaned over and kissed him sweetly.

The kiss lasted a couple of seconds before they pulled away, enjoying their sweet embrace. (Y/N) shifted on the bed to get more comfortable and, again, winced when the ache returned. Castiel took notice, his eyes roaming (Y/N)’s body.

“Are you alright? Would you like me to get you anything?” He asked.

(Y/N) shook his head. “No, babe, thank you. Maybe we could just lie in bed together for a bit while I snack on the treats you got me?”

Castiel smiled. “That sounds like a great idea.”

The two of them adjusted themselves in the bed so Castiel was laid on his back and (Y/N) was laid on his side. His head and hand rested on his chest while Castiel’s arm was wrapped around his shoulders. (Y/N) reached over, grabbed one of the many bags of candy, and sat it between them. They sat in a comfortable silence, wrapped in each other’s embrace, never wanting to let go.

Everyone seeks some type of support and comfort from others. Whether it be family, friends, partners, coworkers, or complete strangers, the strength and stability of the human race depend on the support of others in some way, shape, or form. (Y/N) was lucky enough to be put in a situation where he was surrounded by people who loved and appreciated him for who he was. Despite the trials and tribulations of the past and the ones yet to come, he knew he always had loved ones in his life to fall back on in times of trouble. 

And (Y/N) would cherish that for as long as he lived.

[matxhstixkers]

Castiel dared to scoot closer to Dean, dared to allow their legs to touch, their shoulders to brush, here in the daylight where anyone could see them. Dean kept his eyes closed, but nudged his leg closer to Castiel in response, as if answering the unasked question.

- Bones by @notreallyaroad

[hanaridulsetcheese]

would anyone like a trans!dean oneshot??

[eggcompany]

Momma's got a HUGE cock

Dean was in town to see Sam, however he could never say no to hot college girls. Or older girls who wore cardigans and was a professor of theology.

Castiel Novak, mtf, 39, takes home Dean Winchester, ftm , 27, and makes him cry.

“Hey, can I get another?” Dean asked and looked around at the chicks sat at the bar. A red head to one side of the bar caught his eyes. A real Jolene, ivory skin and emerald eyes. He checked her out, trying to get her to look at him but she was chatting with someone else. He let his eyes look around again, a dude might be fun while he’s in town…

However, behind the red head, sat at a small table…

She was… wow. Dean walked away from the bar when the cool bottle touched his hand. 

She had her long raven black hair clipped up in the back, head leaning on her hand, glossy blue nails tapping against her forehead, and was reading over a stack of papers. A drink forgotten at the end of the table, ice nearly melted in it. 

Dean made his way over to her, god she was pretty, strong jaw, strawberry lips, long eyelashes, and the bluest eyes he’d ever seen. God and she was… broad shoulders, strong lookin hands, and, fuck, tits that looked straight up carved by heaven that fit so perfectly in her blue blouse under her crème cardigan. God, how could someone look so hot wearing a cardigan and slacks? 

He leaned up against her table, causing her to look spooked and look up. 

“Oh sorry, is, are you-”

“Hey calm down. Just wanted to say hi” Dean said with a smile, the lady blushed, putting her papers back down. She looked away, and waited nervously. 

Dean took it as an invitation to sit down across from her leaning his chest on the table and look at the papers. 

“Whatcha workin on, pretty lady?” He asked, sitting back and taking a sip of his beer. She rolled her eyes and shook her head a bit. 

“I’m a teacher. I’m reading essays.” She said and took a sip from her drink. It had been a while since she’d been out to drink, usually opting for wine coolers at home. She’d seen most of the college aged guys in town and well… this seemed to be one of those college frat boys, all big muscles and smooth talk. He had cute pouty lips and pretty dirty blonde hair and eyes that seemed to go on for miles behind them. Quite… handsome. Alluring. Kinda like a magnet. 

“Man… a teacher? Must be pretty smart. Wanna teach me a few things?” Dean flirted and the woman huffed a laugh. God she was pretty. And fuck he wanted her bad . At least for some kissing in the impala. 

“I’m sure I could. But what’s your thing? Huh? Mister smooth talker?” She asked and gave him an appraising look and swirled her drink around her glass. Surely he knew her or something, a study guide or ‘extra credit’ in exchange for some sloppy sex. Though she just couldn’t put her finger on who he was…

“My thing? Hm… beer, my car, very very attractive women in bars who teach and wear sensible shoes.” Dean said with a smile, flicking his eyes down to the table where he’d seen her feet crossed, clad in a pair of plain tan and white sneakers. 

She smiled down at herself, she was never one to dress up and go to bars, she prefers wearing her comfortable day clothes. Her regular tan slacks, a plain blue blouse, and she usually had a cardigan pulled over her shoulders. She looked back at him, he was wearing.. A lot to be honest. A tight black t-shirt with a red flannel over it and a leather jacket over it all. The jacket was a bit big on him but it suited him. 

Then he leaned back, flipping his jacket open to show the small trans flag sewn on the inside of it, he scratched his jaw like he wasn’t showing. 

The woman hummed and looked at it before looking back up at him. Of course. A kid looking for someone who understood. 

“Your name then?” She asked, taking another sip of her drink. She never had much luck at bars. Never had much luck with… anyone. Except he was like a magnet, like she was being pulled to him. She wanted to touch his hand where it laid on the table and wanted to sit close to him and… maybe give him a kiss. 

“Dean Winchester at your service miss…?” Dean said and waited for her answer. Her answer to anything. 

“Castiel. Novak. Theology Professor.” She answered and he smiled, huffing an impressed noise. 

“Wow, a real educated lady” Dean flirted and chewed on his bottom lip. She was the whole package. 

“Mhm, ya know I have that same exact jacket, back at my place.” Castiel said hoping Dean would catch what she was pitching. 

Fuck , She is more than the whole package. 

“Oh really? Back at your place?” Dean asked, his face giving away how excited and happy he felt. Eyes wide as he swallowed thickly. He really hoped she meant she fucked trans guys or that she was… of the same persuasion. God either, neither, both, all, god, anything yes. 

“About a four minute walk.” She answered, hands going to gather the papers and slip them into her vintage looking blue and brown messenger bag. She never usually feels like this, this weird compulsive need to take someone home. 

“Yes ma’am” Dean said and slipped off the stool and threw some dollars on the counter when the bartender came to close his tab. He turned and she was standing, almost as tall as him. She was holding her bag in front of her. Demisexual and the new pride flag pinned proud on the front. 

That’s fine. She could do whatever she wanted with him. Hell, she could take him home and make him sleep in her bathtub and he’d be happier than a clam. He just felt this… want. She was so pretty and hot and she probably had a bed and probably had a chair or couch and that sounds a lot more comfy than sleeping in the impala. 

She was wanting, he just didn’t know or care what for. 

“Do you still want to come home with me?” She asked, pulling him from his buzzed spiral of warm bed, boobs, bed, boobs, bath tub, boobs . 

“Gladly” Dean said cheerily and followed behind her. And oh man , she had a nice ass, thick thighs too. He was busy staring at the way her hips moved when she walked to notice her calling his name. 

“Oh yeah yeah? Hm?” He asked and looked back up to her smirking face. He didn’t care that he got caught staring. Especially when it caused Castiel to roll her eyes and smile at him. 

“I asked if you go to Stanford or not.” She repeated, amused at the way Dean had caught up to her only to turn around and start walking backwards in front of her. 

“Oh no, my uh my little brother does. I came up to see him. I'm not really the school type.” Dean said, throwing air quotations around ‘ school’ . He was never good at school, always had better things to do, other places to be. Though if all teachers were like Professor Novak it might be worth going back. 

“Hm then what do you do? You’re what? 26?” Castiel questioned, should she really bring this guy home if he’s… bad? Sketchy at least. 

“27, thank you very much. I um… I travel around a lot. Doin’ odd jobs and stuff. Well actually me and my dad do that but he said he had to go do something but then he didn’t come back so I came to ask Sammy if he knew anything. Uh Sammy’s my brother, he lives around here somewhere.” Dean said and looked around at the houses, turning back around to walk beside the woman. 

“Oh, does your family live up here? There’s a couple of my students that live with their extended family while up here or in a summer home.” Castiel asked, it was easy to talk to Dean, easy to know she’s not overstepping a line. 

“Nah… our mom actually uh she passed when Sam was six months. I was four. House fire actually. After that we just kinda… started surfing the road, never stopping or nothing. Sam was always good at school though so he got here all by himself. He’s a… he’s a really smart kid.” Dean praised, he couldn’t even start to explain how proud he was for Sam. How he wished he could have made a better life for himself too but… just roll with the punches. 

“Dean… you’re a very sweet young man. Cute even.” She said and cupped his jaw in her hand. He breathed heavily for a second. Why was he so comfortable around her so.. open and in love already. Fuck, he was falling faster than a fridge tied to an anchor. 

“You’re just… really pretty. And and I dunno. I dunno why I feel like… like I know you.” Dean panted out, eyes flashing from hers down to her lips and back over and over again. Her hand felt so.. Solid and warm and grounding against his cheek. 

“I feel the same which… is so odd. I never connect with people like this. I always feel a bit like… like looking in through the window.” Castiel said, stepping closer a bit, just a breath away from the man who felt like his chest was getting squeezed when he realized they were still on the sidewalk. 

“Can I come in?” Dean asked, tearing his eyes away from her to the front door. He wanted to get away from any eyes that peeped, any cars that passed. 

“I… I think so. Yeah” She said and pulled away from him, hand sliding down his neck, shoulder, arm, to catch his hand and pull him along. 

------

“No I, I kept my name. It’s after the angel of Thursday. It’s always meant a lot to me. My brother actually named me, my first two brothers were named after archangels, Gabriel and Michael. Then Balthazar was born and then me and my brother Gabriel named me because I was born on Thursday. I have… a lot of siblings. Gabriel named most of them.” Castiel explained as she handed Dean a cup of sweet sugared tea and sat down with her own honey stirred cup of earl grey. 

He was sitting on the couch, boots kicked off at the door next to her sneakers, legs criss-crossed, jacket and flannel shucked off to the coat rack while Castiel’s cardigan was folded over the back of a barstool. 

“Sounds kinda nice. My ma named me. Deanna. Doesn’t fit at all, everyone always just called me Dee, or Danny, Sammy called me Danny cause he had the worst time talking he messed up every word he ever said till he was like seven. I was thinking about Danny or Daniel but… Dean just stuck. Plus Dean Winchester has a nice ring to it, don't you think.” Dean said, sipping the nice dark tea that was perfectly sweet. It was nice to just talk about this crap. Plus Castiel was so… god her whole house smelled like her and it smelled fucking good like honey and laundry detergent and printer ink. 

Plus the way she shook her head and smiled was… it made his heart do a weird flip flop. 

“It does. I can’t picture you as a Deanna. I much prefer Dean.” She said and moved a bit closer to him, turning so she was facing him, curling up so her socked toes nearly touched his warm jean covered leg. 

“Hm… you smell good.” Dean said and leaned forward a bit so his head rested on the back of the couch, lolled back a bit. 

“Mmh~ Mister Winchester are you trying to get in my panties?” Castiel said teasingly as she leaned forward so her face rested a few inches from Dean’s. His breath was hot and stank of beer as it washed over her face and he felt the same only her breath smelled like everclear and mints. 

“Yeah. Yeah I am. Please?” Dean asked, confidence fading for a moment only to soften the rejection if it happened. He doubted himself was this not what she had wanted? Did she just wanna chat? Was this pushing the line?

She took in a shaky breath and she couldn’t hold back, he was so willing and she hadn’t done it in so long, she’d not felt the need or want to do it for so long. 

“God you’re cute it’s not even fair, come here” Castiel says and pulls him over to straddle her lap, her hand coming up to pull his head to hers, lips meeting. Dean was quick to moan and get his hands to her sides, pulling at her blouse. She had her hands on the sides of his head, keeping him from pulling away as their tongues met. He let her explore his mouth, easily giving up dominance of the kiss. He groaned and pulled at the buttons of her shirt, begging for it to be off. 

She pulled back, staring at him, her lipstick smeared over his lips and to the side a bit. They were both a bit out of breath, her hands relaxing and dropping to his shoulders. 

It felt good to… well feel good. She felt happy. And horny. It was great. 

“Even deal, shirt or shirt” She said and pulled at the shoulders of his tight t-shirt. He smiled. 

“Yes ma'am” He said happily and pulled the shirt off by the neck, throwing it over to the corner. Baring his muscular torso and strong arms, his thin red surgery scars framing his pecs, healed half-hazardly, puffed up in some places and thinner and fainter in others. 

Castiel stared at him as he knelt over her, jeans low on his hips. He was… hot, tan, and… fuckable. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her again, short closed mouth kisses, with his thumb holding her chin. 

“Your turn, Miss Novak” He said and sat back, fingers playing with the bottom of her blouse. She swallowed and nodded, giving him permission to start undoing the buttons. And soon she was bared down to her plain white bra. 

“If I had known I was going to have company I would have worn something a bit more flattering.” She said and looked away from him. She had this bra since she got her boobs… and she’d washed it maybe 5 times in a year. She had other nice bras, lacey ones and push up ones and ones that made her look thinner and less broad. 

“I think you look hot, really hot. Can I touch em?” Dean asked as he practically drooled over the perfect soft looking pale breasts that were cupped in front of him. God those were… the best. And he said as much. 

“Those are the best” He said, which caused her to cover her face and laugh, embarrassment flooding through her. 

“Yeah… the… the clasp is kinda busted in the back so I can- oh!” She tried to explain and reach back but Dean had already popped the two good clasps and wiggled the last one free. She was surprised but well… Dean probably had experienced bra issues in the past. 

Dean’s hands found their way to cup and grab at the soft squish of her breast, groaning into the kiss he pulled her into. Fuck, she was warm and welcoming and undoing his belt but his hands stopped her from unzipping his jeans. He looked down at her… so pretty. So feminine, so pretty, so gentle, so… everything. 

“I uh… I don’t got um… I haven’t… I’m still…” He struggled but Castiel cupped his face and gave him a sweet look, an understanding look. 

“It’s okay. I haven’t had surgery down there either, at least not that kind of surgery. Do you wanna stop?” She said and let her thumb rub over his cheekbone, warm and comforting. Dean breathed and calmed down and shook his head, hands traveling from her chest down over her soft stomach down to her slacks, looking at her as he unbuttoned them and pulled the zipper down. 

“I don’t wanna stop, I wanna keep going.” Dean said seriously and leaned down to kiss her deeply, tongues rolling together, as her hands came to his hips and slipped under his jeans, over his briefs, to press at him. 

He pulled back and huffed, panting as her fingers pressed against his wet cunt, his briefs soaked through nearly. He let out a whimper, shoving his head into her shoulder, panting. 

“Do you.. You can touch me. Please touch me, I’m so hard” Dean whimpered and rubbed against her hand. 

She was so happy. He was… god so perfect, willing and wet and perfect. She pulled her hand back, pulling his jeans down but they wouldn’t get over his thighs. 

“Up, take them off, all of it off, I wanna get my hands on your cock” Castiel said, letting her voice relax and drop a bit. Dean shuttered standing up for a moment to yank at his pants and underwear until it was on a pile on the floor. He climbed back into her lap, not embarrassed of how wet he was or that his cock wasn’t very big. He took testosterone when he could, when he could swindle it, John never helped him get it so he was all on his own. So his… his cock was bigger but not really… just enough to be able to get between his fingers and rub.

Castiel let her hands wander over his smooth back, feeling the muscles flex and relax before traveling down and giving his ass a grab. Dean jumped a bit but smiled and got his hands back on her soft chest, he wanted to bend down and give them each a kiss. 

“Cas…” He breathed out, feeling a bit overwhelmed but… too horny to care. He leaned down and kissed her again but cried out when her fingers slid over him, finger tips pushing at his slick hole. He grabbed around her shoulders, whispering in her ear, too embarrassed to actually say it. 

“You can put it in, if you wanna” He whimpered and Castiel shook her head and turned her head and kissed his forehead. 

“Dean?” She asked, hand cupping him, feeling how burning hot and wet he was.

“Yeah, Cas?” He replied, which made her happy because well… no one ever called her ‘Cas’. And he was just… so cute. 

“I���m gonna make you cum until you cry. Do you know why?” Castiel said, pressing her palm into Dean’s hard cock. Dean moaned out a little bit and breathed quickly, his stomach clenching up at the thought of Castiel… ruining him. He felt a little light headed, especially with her hand pressing right up against his cock and her fingers over his whole cunt and and- fuck

“Wh-Why?” He forced out grinding against her hand. She crooked her fingers up to just nearly be inside of him, inciting a gasp from him. She pulled him back by the hair on the back of his head, making him look at her, he was gasping. 

“Because you’re so cute” She said and pulled him down for a kiss and shoved two of her fingers into his dripping hole. Dean moaned, grinding as much as he could against her fingers that seemed to immediately find a sweet spot inside him. She licked into his mouth, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth for a moment before kissing down his neck. 

“Ah- I don’t like that. Just, kiss me up here” Dean said and pulled her face back up to his, he didn’t like getting necked. Never did, didn’t know why. Castiel kissed him and moved to nibble at his ear, her lipstick tracing a line from his lips over. 

“Good boy” She whispered and started working her fingers in and out of him, forcing loud moans and groans from his throat. 

-----

“Fuck! Fu-uh-uh-uck, please, oh god, feels so fuggin good! Please” Dean cried out as tears streamed down his face. His arms were wrapped around Castiel’s neck, hands grabbing onto her shoulders, she was squeezing his cock a bit tight and it was driving him crazy . 

Dean cried out and covered his mouth, mumbling something. 

“Say it baby, what’re you gonna say” Castiel egged him on, she loved the way he cried and all the noises he made and god hearing him was the best . She wanted to squeeze every noise out of him. 

He leaned back, stomach tense and jumpy, he was breathing so heavily, his chest heaving, he’d never felt like this before. He looked at her, god she was so pretty why the fuck was he so loose lipped and and god her hands -

“Oh fuck momma, I’m so close” Dean whimpered, clenching down on her three fingers. He looked at her as her eyes got big and her mouth opened in surprise, her hand stopped moving on him. He immediately tried to back track, most women he was with didn’t like that. He liked it but most women thought it was… weird. 

“I’m sorry I-” He said and tried to raise himself up off her fingers but she had him by the hair, pulling him down so they were nearly nose to nose. She pulled her fingers out of him and had his cock between her fingers. 

“Say it again.” She nearly growled, feeling her cock throb in her panties. She didn;t think she had any kinks but that was… jeez Dean was her kink. 

“I’m so close momma, fuck, rub my dick please, please touch it” Dean whimpered desperately, she was really squeezing him and fuck he was so close he was getting a headache. 

“God, yeah, you like mumma’s fingers in you?” Castiel asked and kept her fingers stead on him even as he twitched and jerked. She felt like her skin was alight with fire, everywhere they touched it felt like they were burning, their chests, stomachs, everywhere they touched felt like they could never pull away. 

“Yeah, love your fingers in my cunny momma, please! Please! I feel so empty but I’m so c-close” Dean begged he just wanted to cum, he was so close. Castiel pulled her hands away, grabbing at his body as she surged up to kiss him. 

“God Dean, I haven’t felt… like this in so long. Can I fuck you?” Castiel asked, huffed against his cheek as he kissed down her jaw. It was like a rushed fever had washed over them, an overwhelming need. 

“Yes please please fuck me fill me up.” Dean begged and Castiel was standing, hands hauling him up with her. 

“Holy shit, you’re so fucking perfect, so strong, fuck me momma, fuck me” Dean cried as he was carried through the house, loving the view of Castiel’s boobs where they pressed up against his sternum. He shoved his forehead against the top of her head, taking in the sweet scent of her hair. 

She got through to her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind her, and dropped him on the bed. He shoved himself up to be in the center of the bed. She was quick to shove her slacks off and to crawl over him. She straddled him looking down at his red cunt and throbbing cock. He reached up to play with her tits, roll her nipples between his fingers and squish them together. 

“What’re you gonna fuck me with? What’re you gonna shove in my cunny?” Dean asked, setting what he wanted his junk to be called. She smiled and leaned down to kiss him, guiding his legs apart so she was knelt between them, not letting each other get very far. 

“I’m gonna fuck you… I’m gonna put my… I don’t wanna say it. I wanna put it in but I don't want to say… those words.” She said, self conscious about saying cock or dick or anything else. She didn’t wanna think about that. 

“Okay, just stuff me momma, I’m… I’m dying for it” Dean said and looked down to where her panties were bulging out in the front. She was so pretty, her thighs looked strong and he liked the way she had a happy trail which he traced down, it was soft and short. 

She knelt up and covered the trail and her bulge, looking away, face turning even more red. 

“If I knew I would have company I would have shaved… I haven’t um… I’m not very smooth down there.” She explained and he huffed and shook his head. He usually kept himself trimmed with his electric trimmer just because he liked it. He reached down and moved her hands. 

“I think it’s cute. I think this is cute too…” Dean said with his bottom lip caught in his teeth as he traced down her bulge. She leaned down and kissed him again smiling against each other, so comfortable. 

“Am I still a pretty lady with this?” She said and when she leaned back she pulled her panties down so her cock could slip out from behind the thick cotton fabric. Dean looked at it with hungry eyes and a wolfish grin. 

“Prettiest lady I’ve ever seen…” He said and let one of his hands wrap around it and give it a few strokes… goodness he could barely get his hard around it and it was… at least eight inches long. 

“That’s… that’s big. Uh you have any lube?” He asked, nervousness creeping into his voice as he took in how… heavy and long and thick her cock was… hell his toy was probably half as big. 

“Yeah I do. But there is something else I wanna do…” Cas said, letting her hips roll up into his hand a few times before nipping at his neck and pulling away. Dean looked at her eyes and then at the big thing in his hand, that would not fit in his mouth but but she was so… he would choke on it if she asked. 

“I could- I’d you wanna- I mean-” Dean started but she was quick to press a kiss to quiet him. 

“Can I blow you, Dean?” She asked, hand going down to lightly dance over his inner thighs, sticky with drying slick, shaking with desperation. He was nodding, eyes squeezed shut, trying not to cry out. 

“Fuck… yeah. Yeah you can gimme head” Dean finally struggled out after cracking his eyes open to see Castiel perfectly content petting around his inner thighs and just above where he wished she would touch. She smiled and kissed his lips before making her way down to his dripping cunt and hard cock. 

----

“Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck, ‘m gonna cum. Fuck, Cas, Cassy, I’m gonna cum” Dean cried out as Cas kept on just barely grazing her teeth over his cock, keeping her fingers rubbing at all the good spots inside him. 

She pulled back, sucking harshly as she did, cock leaving her lips with a pop. She looked up at him and stilled her fingers, she had a devilish smile on her lips and shook her head. She blew out a cold breath onto him, causing him to shiver and whimper. 

“No! No no no I can go again. I can’t can fuck like four times no problem please please lemme cum” Dean begged, he was at his limit, he felt like he was burning alive, tears rolling down the sides of his face, throat nearly sore from yelling out. 

“Oh I dunno… you’re cocks pretty hard, might just wanna play with it all night” Castiel taunted, nail coming to run up the bottom of it and flick the tip of it. Dean cried out, hips bucking up and hands finally leaving the sheets and grabbing at Castiel’s hands. 

“Please momma lemme cum and I’ll take you so good, all the way, I’ll be so good if you lemme cum.” Dean tried to convince and his voice cracked and… well Castiel couldn’t turn him down when he looked so… pathetically attractive like a wet cat. 

“Then I guess it’s fine” Castiel said in a fake put out kinda way and pinched the nub between her fingers and started jerking him quickly and harshly. Dean cried out, quivering against the bed. He was screaming out legs going to wrap around Cas’s waist, crushing her tightly. 

“Cas! Fuck! Fuck! Please! God Fuh! Momma, god, yes, yes, yes yesyesyes” Dean begged and grabbed onto the sheets so tight it felt like he could rip through them. He took in one big breath and let out a high pitched moan, feeling like his brain turned off as wave after wave of pleasure twisted him all up and untied all at once. He relaxed down to feeling like jelly against the bed, catching his breath. 

Cas shushed him, gently running her hands over his belly, up and down his sides, on the outsides of his legs. She was staring down at where he was dripping, her white blanket turning dark with how much he’d cum, how wet he’d gotten. She ran her fingers through it, up and down over his folds. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay, what a good boy. Such a good boy. Look at that... Came all over mumma’s fingers. Look at that…” She said and brought her dripping hand up to her mouth, his rich lovely scent encompassing all her senses. God he tasted good. God she was hard, her heart was in knots too though. She moaned around her fingers, groaning at how he tasted, smelled, how he everything.

“That’s not fair…” Dean groaned as he finally came down, watching her lick his slick off her hand. Castiel smiled and dropped her hand to give her cock a few tight strokes, staring down at him, all tan muscles and wet cunt. 

“I don’t care. Can I put this in now?” Cas said and scooted up to slap her cock against his folds. She smiled at him, tongue poked between her teeth. Dean closed his eyes, he just came but… it was like his mind was made of putty and she had her hands in it. 

“Oh momma… yeah. Yeah fuck me deep. Put it in my cunt.” He whimpered and pulled her down for a kiss, her breast squishing against his chest. 

Castiel guided her cock into him, panting against his neck. Dean whimpered and held her around her shoulders, he tried to relax but god… it kinda hurt. He really wasn’t used to things that big being… crammed into him. 

“Cas… cas… It’s too big I can’t, it’s gonna hurt me” Dean said sorrowfully and looked heartbroken when Cas pulled out a bit and got on her hands over him, He didn’t wanna look at her… he hated being looked at like this when he was getting fucked. 

“I don’t think this is a good position, I’m not fond of… well humping like an animal.” She said and that caused them both to crack up as she pulled out and they sat across from each other, each a little amused with the situation. 

“Ya know I’ve never met a gal like you before.” Dean said, leaning his head against his shoulder, looking at her as she sat down across legged, cock still hard between her legs. She looked at him with a look that was… it made him feel sparkling. 

“I’ve never met a man like you either.” She said and then a thought popped into her head. Dean was about to say something but she cut him off, crawling toward him to kiss him and smile. 

“I know the perfect thing, move over.” She said and laid down, unclipping her hair and throwing the clip to the side, waist length hair falling down around her like a dark halo. Dean watched and man… she was pretty. He was lucky as hell, huh?

“Okay now you get like you’re gonna fuck me and and lemme pull my legs up.” Cas said excitedly as she pulled her knees to her chest. Dean got between them and looked at her funny, what was she doing?

“Okay see, now just… lean forward, I’m flexible, don't worry…” She said and pulled him down over her so he was pinning her down. She smiled and moved her hands between them, guiding her cock back up to his cunt. Dean looked down at her, this was… it was like he was fucking her position wise. But also… it wouldn’t offer a lot of penetration. 

“Man… I knew you could teach me” He said and smiled as he leaned down to kiss her, she held her cock up for him to lower down on it. Castiel huffed as he lowered down onto her, he was so warm and wet and tight. 

“That’s good Dean… Now fuck me.” Castiel said and it only took Dean a few tried to get the hang of it, he had to kinda rock back and forth and not really thrust but fuck it was good. He never felt so good and Castiel made such pretty sounds, eyes closed and lips in a perfect O. 

----

“Do you wanna get a shower with me?” Cas asked as they came down, laying next to each other covered in sweat and cum. Cas had reassured him that she had a vasectomy and that she was clean, he’d said fuck it to a condom. Dean had rode her until she’d cum, filling him, and then had gotten too strained and rode her regularly, until he’d cum again, her fingers on his cock. 

Dean was just barely awake, struggling to not doze off on the soft cozy comfort of her bed. It had been so long since he’d had the comfort of a warm bed, and a cuddle, and a shower without having to look for roaches or used condoms. 

“God yes, last time I showered I had to wear boots because of the fungus.” Dean said and sat up, a twinge in his back but a dull perfect ache inside himself. Castiel chuckled and looked over at him, hand coming up to trace shapes in his lower back. 

“Sounds gross, lucky for you I’m a clean freak so.. No fungus.” She said and sat up, holding the blanket over her chest. Her nipples ached a bit from Dean’s toying with them so much, well toying and sucking and biting and damn she had class to teach tomorrow she’d need to put bandaids over them. Dean groaned when he stood up, slick and jizz sliding down his legs, Cas stared cause fuck that’s… 

“Are you gonna eat me, Miss Novak? Naughty naughty, I thought you were a sweet gal.” He said teasingly, pulling his ass apart to both show where he was dripping and to spread himself just enough for another rush of cum to slip out of him. Cas was nearly hard again when she saw that. 

“Now, now, that’s asking for trouble” She said and looked back at Dean’s smiling face. God he was cute. He turned back to her, shameless of his form. 

“Come on, I don’t like being sticky, makes me sad.” He said, looking down face pulling into a sad expression. Cas stood up, pulled him into a kiss, a soft gentle kiss. 

“It’s okay, I’m not fond of being naked or sticky.” She said and pulled him to the bathroom right outside the bedroom, she was quick to pull him behind the glass door and turn the hot water on. 

“It’s so late, I have a class at nine tomorrow.” Castiel complained  as she stood under the water, letting it hit her in the face and soak through her hair. Dean hugged her from behind, resting his head against her shoulder. 

“Sorry, I can leave now if you want” Dean offered, stepping away from her, he’d leave if she wanted, it wasn’t very far to the impala. Castiel turned around and pulled him under the water as she stepped back out of it. 

“Aw but how sad to sleep alone when I have a big strong man to hold me.” She said which caused Dean to smile and kiss her. They kissed a bit more before the woman got a bottle of body wash and a bath sponge. 

“Oou… frilly. I feel so pampered.” Dean said jokily as she started scrubbing him down, smiling at him. She let her hands wash him, a weird feeling of… content enjoyment as he basked in the warm water. She got a little lost in the movement of it, that was until she was on her knees in front of him and felt his hand on her shoulder. 

“Cas, get up.” He said, not looking at her, just looking kinda sour to the side. She rose up, looking at her with her head cocked to the side, confused. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked but Dean was pulling her into a hug. She hugged him back but he wouldn’t let go, He just held onto her, water hitting his back. She rubbed his back and felt him sniffle once before pulling away. She held his face in her hands and she kissed all over his face, cheek, forehead, nose, chin, everywhere. 

“So emotional, do you need mummy to kiss it better?” She asked, only sorta kidding. Dean cracked a smile and nodded and they kissed again, Cas loving the way Dean was. Just everything about him. 

“Why’re you so hot and so sweet? Why’re you just… lovin on me?” Dean asked and kept his forehead leaning on her shoulder. 

“Cause I like you” She said and held him. She did like him. He was cute and funny and kind and she just felt pulled to him. He huffed a laugh and pulled back to look at her, all soaked from the shower and gleaming with post orgasm glow. 

“Yeah I like you too” He agreed and made her smile as his hands traveled back up to her boobs. 

“You like me or you like my tits, cause they were expensive” She said and he laughed and bent down to kiss and lick them for just a moment before kissing her. 

“Boobs are definitely a plus. Uh… is it weird if I ask you on a date?” Dean asked and looked at her for a minute as she turned the water off, she was rinsed it was enough. She could shower in the morning. 

“Do my boobs get to come too?” She joked and he nodded, smiling widely, eyes scrunching up.

“They can definitely come too, also can I borrow some pants?” He asked and soon they were snuggled in bed, dirty blanket tossed to the floor and new one pulled from the closet. Dean was out like a light, enjoying the company and comfort. 

---

It was easy to find work. Cas let him stay, promising he’d be good. They slept together and Cas learned that he could cook an amazing breakfast and a mean burger but also loved milkshakes and smoothies. Dean learned that Cas had… quite a sex toy collection. Dildos, vibrators, beads, rings, all sorts of stuff that made Dean’s little blue dildo seem like a household decoration. 

She had also given him enough confidence to talk to Sam. He had turned away and left when he’d seen his brother one too many times, just not having the guts to say something. 

So one Thursday when he knew Sam would be walking through the parking lot he was waiting. Well not waiting. Cas didn’t have a class for another two hours so they had gotten lunch and Dean was napping off his carbs while Cas was reading papers in the front seat of the impala. It was a beautiful day so the windows were down and Dean only had Cas’s soft cardigan thrown over him. 

“Hey De- Professor Novak? Why’re you in my brother’s car? I didn’t know-” Sam said as he spotted the impala and came up to see his brother. He hadn’t talked to Dean since he left for college. He loved Dean, never really saw him as a sister anyway. However he was incredibly surprised when he saw the theology prof in Dean’s car. Especially when he didn’t know Dean even knew the professor. 

“Dean, sweety, wake up. Sorry we just had lunch.” Cas said and reached over to stroke through Dean’s hair which was usually a major no go. Sam gawked at them when he saw that. He looked at Dean who yawned and sat up. 

“You’re boning. Jesus! Dean, I haven’t seen you in like a year and you come and smash one of the professors!? You dickbag!” Sam said and stepped away from the car and turned back to it, hands on his hips. 

“Technically she smashes me but whatever. I need to talk to you but uh… I’m gonna be in town for a while.” Dean said and leaned over the front seat, shit eating grin pasted on his face as Cas smacked his arm and shook her head at his nasty talk. 

“Smashing the theology professor. You’re a dog, you know that?” Sam said and climbed into the driver’s seat leaning over to give Dean a half hug. It was still nice to see him. 

[pickledpascal]

Meat & Candy

Chapter Three

Warnings: innuendos, sibling teasing, dean being nervous, swearing.

Word Count: 3.6k

Meat & Candy Masterlist

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Before Castiel left the restaurant, he and Dean exchanged numbers to work out a time for Dean’s “lesson.” Castiel couldn’t help but feel excited about it.

Not only because Dean was an attractive man but because he loved food and he loved seeing the process of a professional chef. The way they moved around in a busy kitchen, how they prepared for the upcoming day, the precise hand of how they plated a dish—it all interested him. And told Castiel a lot about a chef. Would Dean be one of those hot-headed chefs who screamed at his staff when a plate came to the pass raw and ultimately pushed his chefs to be better? Or was Dean more calm, collected, and gently pushed until he’d talk with one of his chefs about their performance?

Castiel hoped it was the latter.

As Dean’s eyes followed Castiel through the windows, Sam snickered behind him. Dean turned, rolling his eyes. “Spit it out, Sammy.”

“‘Would you like to come back tomorrow?’ So we can kiss on the mouth?” Sammy mocked in a deeper voice, imitating Dean. “You’re so obvious sometimes, Dean. I’m surprised Castiel didn’t just kiss you goodbye.”

Dean titled his head. “What?” He felt dizzy. Did Castiel like him? Well, Dean knew he could be charming and he knew his looks were enough to make anyone fall for him but he’s had…. Issues. Enough issues where he still got surprised that people found him attractive and liked him for who he was. Yeah, that still got him. 

“You’re so fucking oblivious sometimes, I can’t believe you.” Sam let out a sigh, pushing a hand through his hair. 

“Or maybe you’re just seeing things.” Dean pointed out, trying to push away the fluttering feeling in his chest.

The last time Dean had a relationship was nearly sixteen years ago when Emma was born. He had this on-and-off thing with Benny but Dean wouldn’t call that a relationship. More like friends with benefits. Plus, he cut that off a while ago. Now, they were just friends. Benny met a girl named Andrea and they were engaged. Dean was happy for him. 

And Dean, for a while, was completely fine with being alone. 

Lately, Emma hasn't been fine with it. 

Did she want Dean to go home with just anyone? Absolutely not. But she wanted him to get out there. And Sam couldn't help but agree. Hell, everyone in Dean's life agreed. 

And Dean…. Well, he didn't know what to do with that. 

“What're you gonna do tomorrow anyway?” Sam asked, leaning up against the table he was working at. 

Dean pursed his lips. “The classics? Maybe something else. I've been cooking up some stuff in my head.” He joked, snapping his finger and winking at Sam. 

“You suck.” Sam wasn't impressed.

He had to deal with Dean's coping mechanisms for most of his life. Sam knew he was still affected by everything that happened to them when they were kids. Dean remembered most, if not all, of what happened to them. Sam, not so much, simply because he was younger and his early years were a little fuzzy. 

“And you swallow.” Dean countered.

Sam let out a frustrated sigh as he rubbed his forehead. “Get the fuck outta here and get the shit for our tasting session.” 

Dean laughed and nodded. “Gotcha. See in a few.” He went to the front door. “And by a few, I mean hours.” He waved as he exited. 

One of Dean's favorite things to do as a chef is to walk around the alleyway markets, checking out the produce, talking to a few vendors, and simply taking the time to slow down. He knew a lot of chefs thrived on adrenaline and the heat of the kitchen. Not Dean. He thrived for these moments. Quiet ones. Calm ones. Don't get him wrong, he loved being in the kitchen and he loved the feeling of camaraderie among his cooks when they completed a service but he cherished his time off just as much. 

“Hey, Donna!” Dean greeted her with a wide smile. He'd known Donna for a while.

She returned the smile. “Heya, Dean. What can I do ya for?”

“I’ll take five bunches of parsley, five pounds of tomatoes, two of apricots, and,” Dean grabbed one of the granny smith apples that sat in Donna's crates and tossed it into the air. “Three pounds of apples.” 

Donna nodded and began to bag everything for Dean. She'd get one of her workers to deliver it to the restaurant. “You seen Jody yet today?” 

“No, why?” Dean cocked an eyebrow. Jody was Dean's butcher of choice and she usually came in the afternoons to drop off whatever order he made in the morning.

“She has something special for ya.” Donna winked. 

Dean chuckled softly and finished up, paying for all the things he got. He went to a few other vendors, talking and laughing as he paid for stuff. Some things he thought Emma would like. For instance, he got a citrus and herbal candle—Emma had a nice candle collection going and some of her favorite smells were citrus and floral. 

When Dean came back from the markets, Emma sat at one of the tables doing her homework. He ruffled her hair when he got close. She shot him an annoyed, but affectionate, look. 

“Math still suck ass?” He asked with an easy smile.

Emma let out a sigh as she looked down at her notebook that had scribbles she didn’t understand even though she was the one that wrote them down. “Yeah.” 

“Want a distraction?” Dean leaned in closer to Emma, a hand on the back of her chair. 

Emma glanced at her father from her work and thought it over. Dean was usually good at distractions but also good at reminding her to finish her work afterward. She stood and motioned for Dean to enter the kitchen.

Dean’s smile widened as he opened the kitchen door for her and watched as she interacted with Sam, Benny, and the other chefs—Lee, Garth, Jack, and Charlie. 

To be fair, they were family to Emma before they were Dean’s employees. 

“What should we have her on?” Lee rubbed his chin, looking at the youngest in their brigade, Jack. “Think she can handle searing off the meats?” He teased.

Jack laughed nervously, not sure if he should answer at all. “Well, uh….”

Benny rolled his eyes and punched Jack’s shoulder gently. “Don’t answer that. Lee’s just messin’ with ya.” He glanced at Emma who was glaring at them. “She could probably get every station done on time and still have time to do homework.” He winked.

Dean put a hand on Emma’s shoulder. “Must run in the family.” 

“No. Uncle Sammy sucks in the kitchen.” Emma shuddered. Sam rolled his eyes.

The room burst into laughter. “Well, it runs in my blood.” Dean rephrased. “Anyway, c’mon,” His voice shifted to the one he usually used when he had to work, yelling orders over to pass to make sure his cooks heard him. “We’re gonna do a quick spread of each dish we will be serving, the correct portioning, so take small bites to make sure it tastes how it’s supposed to. Sam,” He looked at his behemoth of a brother, “Do not take bigger bites than you’re supposed to. You’ll be leaving scraps for Jack.”

———

After the interview, Castiel got some good work done on the article at the office. Sure, he could just write down the questions and Dean’s responses but where’s the fun in that? He wanted to make it more of a “character study” than an interview. He always felt normal interview articles lacked a certain soul. They never treated the person they were interviewing as a person. 

“Hey, Cassie!” Castiel heard the familiar voice of his brother as he entered his house. And he could sense the scent of cooking wine.

“Hello, Gabriel.” Castiel greeted, seeing Claire sitting at the kitchen island as she watched Gabriel in the kitchen. Something in his heart squeezed. 

Gabriel was no Masterchef—like Castiel would assume Dean would be—but he was less helpless in the kitchen than Castiel and helped him out a lot when he worked long days and wanted to make sure Claire ate something for dinner other than Wendy’s or some other fast food restaurant. 

“How was that interview with Mr. Winchester?” Gabe asked with a suggestive tone.

Castiel tilted his head, turning to Claire. “Did you tell him?” 

Claire shrugged and shook her head. “No. I mean I told him you were interviewing someone but I didn’t remember his name.” 

Castiel looked from Claire to Gabriel with curious eyes. 

His brother shifted slightly, his smug smirk never left his lips. “I sold that spot to Mr. Winchester. His house too. And occasionally we just talk for fun.” He shrugged. 

Castiel's eyebrows raised. He had a connection to Dean? “How long have you known him?” He couldn't help but ask.

Gabriel's eyes squinted a little at him. “A while. We met while he was still in New York for culinary school.”

Castiel noted the fact that Dean went to culinary school in New York in the back of his head. He became more intrigued. Gabriel lived in New York over a decade ago. Castiel was mostly surprised he'd never heard of Dean before now. But then again, Gabriel could be the type to forget to let people know things.

He and Castiel were different that way. It was a wonder how they were related. They were very different but seemed to work well together.

“What…. Was he like?” Castiel asked, his heart pounding faster.

Gabriel shrugged, a knowing look in his eyes. “Hot. That hasn't changed much. And a little skinnier.” He laughed softly. “Now that changed. He put on some muscle. The man became a proper dilf.”

Claire tilted her head, suddenly a lot more interested in the conversation. Maybe that was part of the reason why the rumors of the restaurant were circulating around her school. 

A hot head chef with a kid? It didn't even matter if he was single or not. Say hello to daddy issues.

———

Dean couldn't keep Castiel out of his head. He was buzzing around up there like a gnat—no, more like a bee. Gnats were far more annoying than bees. Bees were more important, too. They contributed to pollen dispersal and made honey. Honey was good. As far as Dean knew, gnats simply existed to annoy the hell out of people.

He leaned up against one of the counters in the kitchen and rubbed at his temples. He hadn't felt this kind of nervousness since he and Cassie were a thing. That thought made his heart sink. 

Cassie was the last person Dean had been in a relationship with. The last person that meant something to him. In more than just a familial or friendly way. 

And, shit, he was cooking for Cas. Cooking like this was intimate for Dean. It wasn't as meaningful when he was behind a wall, cooking for tables of people but Cas would actually be able to see the work and care he put into everything. 

Wait, when did he become Cas?

Dean shook his head and took a deep breath. He tried to remember what his therapist told him. Those breathing exercises. 

In. One, two, three. Hold. Out. One, two, three. Repeat three more times to make it an even four.

His heart slowed. Dean ran a hand through his hair before he noticed Benny standing near the back of the kitchen. He stood straighter.

“Did you, uh, watch all that?” Dean asked nervously. 

Benny nodded as he approached slowly. “No worries, man. I get it. You like him. And….” He paused to try and find the right words. “It's been a while since you felt like that. Like something real might happen.” 

Dean didn't want to look Benny in the eyes because he was exactly right. Why did Dean have to surround himself with people who could see right through him? Oh, right, because he wanted to hire people who he could trust and anticipate his needs before he asked for something. 

“I'm proud of you.” Benny eventually said, eyes softening as he looked at Dean. “You deserve something nice. Someone nice.” 

Dean closed his eyes at the praise. He felt like he didn't deserve it. He still wasn't used to it, even with as much praise Ellen and Bobby had given him over the years, the feeling didn't change much from his younger years. Dads sucked like that. 

Benny pulled Dean into a hug, surprising him. Dean simply let it happen, holding onto him. 

“You're such a good dad, y'know that?” Benny pulled away slightly to look him in the eye. He just wanted to be there for his friend. “I see the way Emma looks at you. Like you hung the damn moon, just for her. You're doing good, don't forget that.” 

Dean took in another deep breath and nodded. “Thanks, man.” He leaned back against the counters. “I, um, I needed that.” He admitted.

“I knew you did.” Benny said softly. “Just… Do something for yourself for once, hm?” 

With that, Benny was gone. He had retreated through the back door to give Dean some privacy. 

Cooking could be intimate with the right person after all. 

Or it could be hell.

Dean has felt his fair share of both in his forty or so years of being alive. 

“Hello?” Castiel poked his head through the door to the kitchen, glancing around the room before his eyes landed on Dean. He had a notebook in his hands with a pen clipped on the cover. 

He looked like a nerd. With his trench coat and tie combo. It made Dean smile.

“Um, Sam just let me in. I know I'm early. Is that okay? Or do you need more time to prepare?” Castiel asked shyly, playing with the edges of his notebook. 

Dean's smile widened a little, his eyes crinkling at the edges. He quickly wiped the look off his face as he took a breath, “No, you're fine. Don't worry.” 

He clapped his hands together before he motioned for Castiel to come closer. “Take a look around. Feel free to ask me any questions while I'm cooking, I can multitask pretty well.” Dean smirked and winked at the other man, not missing the way Sam looked at him through the window between the kitchen and the dining room.

Castiel hummed a little as he eagerly looked at the pre-portioned ingredients. It seemed like he was trying to figure out what Dean was going to do with them before he started.

He had no idea.

Less than a few minutes passed before the two dishes Dean made were finished. And Castiel's mouth was watering just looking at them.

Dean slid the first dish to Castiel. “This is my version of a classic breakfast. At least, what I assume is a classic breakfast.” He flushed a little as he looked down at the dish. “Egg's benedict with bacon on top and diced roasted potatoes.”

Castiel almost didn't want to take a fork and bite into it. The hollandaise was so fluffy and perfect looking with the way it dripped down the sides of the eggs and English muffin. And those potatoes? Seasoned to perfection and so golden. 

“Is the… Is the English muffin homemade?” Castiel shook his head to try and focus. 

Dean shook his head. “Charlie's a good baker but no. We get them locally though. A friend, Cassie, owns a bakery down the street.” 

Castiel took a quick note. Dean sources his ingredients locally. And then he cut into the dish. And, shit, the egg was poached to perfection. The yolk ran out elegantly. He wasn't sure how else to describe it. He wanted to drink it like water. When he finally put a piece of it in his mouth, he let out a small sigh. 

Castiel has had the pleasure of eating at some of the most expensive restaurants in Chicago and across the US because of his job but this… this felt like he got transported to Heaven and was cooked a meal by God himself. 

He wished the meal could last forever. Alas, he ate the dish in a mere minute or two. 

Dean let out a small laugh. “Hungry?”

“I barely ate today.” Castiel admitted. Maybe that was why it tasted better than anything he'd ever tasted before. But, at the same time, perhaps Dean was just that good of a chef. 

Dean's eyes softened with a glint of sadness, sliding over dish number two. “Well, I'm glad you could fill up.” He scratched his eyebrow for a second. “This is, uh, homemade spaghetti with garlic, parsley, bacon bits—because I gotta put bacon in nearly everything—red pepper flakes for some spice. And I tossed it in some tomato sauce.” 

Castiel looked at this dish carefully. It had some nice color with some red, green, and yellow and it didn't hurt that the bottom of the bowl wasn't dripping in sauce. Which was nice. However, he wasn't the biggest fan of bacon in pasta dishes. 

“Why lightly toss the pasta?” He asked, curious. Surely it wasn't just for aesthetic reasons.

Dean chuckled a little at the question before he leaned against the countertop. “Gives the dish a nice color plus I want to save most of the sauce for other dishes. And I didn't want to overpower the dish. The red sauce I make can be….” He tried to find the right words. “Very flavorful in large amounts.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow at that before he swirled his fork in the pasta and took a bite. Well, shit. Those bacon bits worked pretty well in this dish. And he could understand what Dean was saying about the sauce. It was wonderful in this small amount but he wondered what it'd taste like if he had a pitcher that he could drink from. 

He scribbled down a few more notes in a frenzy. Mostly just flavors and the composition of the dish.

“And, uh, who do you staff here? Professional chefs like you? Or are you open to anyone?” Castiel asked after a few minutes of other questions. 

Dean pursed his lips for a second before his lips broke out into a smile. “I hire friends, mostly. Formal education or not. If I know you're good enough to work for me, then you're good enough.” He explained softly. “Like my best friend Benny, he's my sous, he used to work in New Orleans making lobster rolls and shrimp at little hole-in-the-wall places. Or, uh, Charlie, my pastry chef. She'd always make cakes for my birthday and they were incredible.”

Castiel chuckled softly. That would be a dream, getting to hire all your friends to work for you… Half his coworkers sucked. 

“I try to make a positive environment for my chefs. And my waiters. And my stage, Sam.” Dean smiled softly. “I know a lot of kitchens can get heated. I don't want that. My daughter comes into the kitchen a lot to help and I don't want her seeing me throwing a pan at someone.” He quickly added, “I mean, I wouldn't do that to begin with but… I've seen it happen.”

“Don't worry. I get it.” Castiel smiled at Dean, glancing up from the counters to his face. He tilted his head. “You mentioned you had a daughter twice. Once yesterday. Is that why you wanted to do this? Give her something… to have later on?”

Dean licked his lips and shook his head. “My daughter… she pushed me to do this. To have something I could call my own that I didn't have to share with anyone. Sam helped me a lot, sure, but this is my restaurant. I don't have a partner or co-owner. It's… it's mine.” He took a deep breath, rubbing a hand up his face for a second. “I haven't had something like that in a while.”

Castiel nodded, his eyes softening as he looked at Dean. He made Castiel think of his own daughter. Maybe he was being too selfish and tried to focus too hard on advancing his career instead of Claire.

She deserved more. 

“How… How do you think you did? As a parent?” Castiel asked softly.

Dean let out a soft laugh. “I don't know. Emma would say I'm the best dad ever but I'm not sure. There were times I struggled to pay bills but… but we always ate dinner together.” He loved those times, as much as they sucked.

Emma was such a wonderful child that Dean wasn't sure if that was his nurture or her nature. She always wanted to help in the kitchen. Perhaps it's because he liked it so much and she wanted to know why.

With grease stains on his shirts, oil scars on his hands, and a towel on his shoulder to pick up hot things. All Dean remembered was her smiling face biting into one of his burgers, with one of her front teeth missing. It's like he could see the memory shifting before his eyes. To Emma just a few days ago doing the exact same thing.

Fuck, Dean loved her with all his heart. 

———

taglist: @nexus-my-beloved

[milk-artwork]

RAHHHH 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[samwinjester]

What if Team Free Will were the Avengers?

[cassandrablah]

Got drunk and did my first Star Trek and supernatural crossover, featuring the colored pencil drawings I haven’t touched since last year.

This is Kevin as a Bajoran prophet, I’ve had this idea since I first started watching Deep Space 9, it just fits so well with him. I’m still debating what I want the others to be but I’m pretty sure Charlie is going to be Trill

[sweetm0uringlamb]

i’m suing the cw for emotional damage