#marry me I swear I can learn how to cook and clean

[raccoonwxrks]

I believe the perfect woman doesn't exist...

Except Kouyou Ozaki, she sure is perfect as hell

[solarsturniolo]

𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔫𝔰 // 𝔖𝔎𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔯!ℭ𝔥𝔯𝔦𝔰

©Solarsturniolo 2024

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who only bought kneepads and a helmet after you showed concern for him after a bad tumble. Because, even though he doesn’t care much about his safety, he knows that you do. He’d rather get hit by a car than putting you through the stress again; seeing the way your hands shook as you cleaned up his cuts and the way your eyes watered as you refused to look at him. He decided some safety gear was a good investment.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who holds your hands to keep you steady while you practice on his board. “Easy, you’re thinkin’ too much about it, just imagine your feet are goin’ right through the board into the ground…there ya go-“

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who doesn’t like to sleep alone, so he’ll facetime you or invite you to come ‘hang out’ which will inevitably end in a sleep over. “No I know you slept over last night, and the night before that, and the night before that, but just hear me out-“

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who shares his food with you no matter where you go. He’ll give you shit for it, but you both know he doesn’t care. It almost feels intimate to him, sharing something of his with you and only with you. His brothers will tease him for it later, but all that matters to him is seeing the way your face lights up as he pushes his plate towards you.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who claims your music taste is lame, but will make a playlist of his favorites that you’ll play and listen to it on his late night rides.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who has carved your initials into the underside of his board. He covers it with a sticker, knowing if his brothers found it he’d be cooked. But he hopes that one day he won’t have to hide it anymore.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who is consistently trying to impress you. Whether it’s with a new trick he learned, a photo his brothers took of him, or whatever it ended up being. He feels like he doesn’t have much to offer, so he tries to impress you by being cool.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who can’t sleep on the nights when you’re not available, his thoughts eating away at him as he lies awake in bed. Tossing and turning, groaning as he looks at the alarm clock to see that only ten minutes have passed since the last time he checked. He hates it, he wants you there with him. He felt so empty and alone without you there.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who never forgets a special occasion, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem to others. From birthdays, to holidays, to National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day, Chris remembers every day that is important to you.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who can tease you and mess with you, but would knock anyone else out if they tried doing the same.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who talks about you to his mother so much, she is convinced you’re both married with three children. A boy doesn’t just randomly swoon over a girl for hours to his mother on the phone. “She told me the funniest story the other night when she stayed over-“ “She stayed over again? What is that, four times this week?” “…..anyways, she-“

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who has a raccoon brain and will see something shiny or cute and just has to bring it to you. “A…spoon?” “A tiny spoon! And it has a little pink bow on the end, see!”

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who loves coming over to your house. He swears on his life it’s just because of the atmosphere, but you know it’s because of your pets. He never forgets to greet them upon arrival, and always says (a very lengthy) farewell before he leaves.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who spends six long torturous hours trying to write you a cute note or a poem. His trashcan piled high with drafts that he crumpled and tossed away, because he wanted it to be perfect. You deserved perfect.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who complains when you beg him to let you do his makeup, but secretly loves having you so close to him. The comfortable silence, the brief eye contact, the way you gently dab and brush the different products onto his face. The tightening feeling in his stomach as you lean closer, making sure to be extra gentle around his eyes. He would never admit it in a million years, but part of him wants to ask you to do his makeup every time you come over.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who sends you a fit check every. single. day.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who sends you pictures of the animal friends he makes on the nights he goes out skating with his friends.

‧₊˚✧ Skater!Chris… who cusses often, except when you invite him over to your place. He tends to watch his language when he’s over, not wanting to ‘influence the children’, in reference to your pets.

Reblog divider by @adornedwithlight

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[calummss]

gallavich as girl!dads headcanon

masterlist

making her lunchboxes for kindergarten/school. mickey disliked it at first and thought it was a waste of time but over time he started to pride himself on the food he makes and even decorates it

their daughter running into their arms after kindergarten (bawling)

when she’s sassy she calls them by their names: “mickey […]”, “excuse me?”, “you heard me”

he was gagged!!

ian teaching her how to swim in the pool

mickey telling her bedtime stories about him in prison and she is invested (he leaves out too gore-y stuff)

putting her drawings on the fridge even if they don’t know wtf she drew

mickey listens to a lot of eminem so by the time she’s 5/6 she starts rapping along with him (he gets emotional listening to mockingbird and needs looks at her face once the song ends)

both of them learn how to style her hair. ian’s go to are braids whilst mickey loves simple pigtails

“some kid at school told me i was weird for having two dads”

“who?”

“someone in my class”

“what did you do?”

“i punched them”

“thats my girl” *high fives her*

their daughter asking for the meaning of their tattoos which lead to some pretty awkward conversations

“why do you have boobs on your back?”

ian’s voice shaking: “because i- i…love women”

“but you’re married to daddy”

he was silenced.

mickey also swears that you can tell she’s being raised by gay dads; his proof is that she says “come on girls” when talking to them. mickey absolutely hates it and tries to stop her from saying it

i just know lip teases the shit out of them for it!! he is amused as hell

ian and mickey were honestly not ready to have such a diva in their house. they love it but at the same time it tests them on so many levels

they 100% get tattoos dedicated to her!!

dance parties!! i just know ian and mickey blast lady gaga, katy perry, eminem etc. and dance whilst cleaning or cooking, hyping up their little girl

their daughter crawling into their bed at night/in the morning and they wrap their arms around her, cuddling themselves back to sleep

when she starts asking about boobs, female body etc. they get overwhelmed and call debbie or sandy to deal with it

she thinks the world of her fathers and loves them so much

mickey felt disconnected from her for the first few months of her life as he was unsure how to love and take care of a baby but now he would die for her. he would kill for her. he would to anything to make sure she is happy and safe (he made a promise to himself to never be like terry)

no one knows how she did it but somehow she convinced ian and mickey to let her paint their nails

i have a nagging feeling that someone in the family (gallagher) calls her miss gallavich if she doesn’t answer to her name the first few times

[sturniolobsessed]

SFW ALPHABET - C.STURNIOLO

Warnings : Nothing really, maybe just a bit of swearing

Summary : Same as the Matt SFW alphabet, but it’s Chris

Authors Note : This is the last of the ‘alphabet series’ so please let me know any other things you would like to see. If you like the idea of the text convos or the multiple part story, please let me know and I will start brainstorming. Btw, sorry for the shameless plug lmao <3

________________________________________

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Chris is an affectionate person and that will definitely not end with his girlfriend. He will definitely just want you to be near him whenever you can be.

B - Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

I feel like you would meet through a mutual friend or something and then get really close. I feel like Chris would already be dead cute when you guys are just friends, always random hugs and little I love you’s every now and then.

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Chris is well known for being a very cuddly person and he will just come up to you and give you a big hug and kiss your forehead. He would love it even more if you’re cuddling together in bed and watching a movie or just having a late night talk.

D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

As we’ve learned from Matt, Chris barely ever does chores around the house, even when his job is literally just to take the bin out so cooking and cleaning wouldn’t be his favourite thing to do. He might do it for you though, emphasis on might. When it comes to settling down, he has voiced before that having a girlfriend is his biggest fear so the idea would scare him a bit but I think that, if he’s found the right person, he wouldn’t feel anywhere near as scared.

E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Chris would try his absolute best to not hurt your feelings and make sure that you can get your opinion across. If you were to start crying, he would still definitely comfort you and, I think, he’d want you to still be friends after it. He wouldn’t want it to ruin his relationship with his best friend.

F - Fiancé (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As I said earlier, Chris is quite scared of commitment in a relationship so it would definitely be something that he’d have to ease himself into but once he feels more comfortable with you and the change in your relationship, commitment would be much easier for him. When it comes to marriage, I personally don’t think that that is even a thought in Chris’ mind yet. He’s always been the type to live in the present. But don’t worry, things can change.

G - Gentle (How gentle are they, physically and emotionally?)

Chris is a very gentle and kind hearted person so I think that he would be very gentle with you. On the other hand though, I don’t think that if you were dating Chris, that he would be the most sappy person ever and I think that your relationship would be more fun and playful, teasing each other about the most random shit.

H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? What are their hugs like? How often do they do it?)

I’ve kind of already covered this entire section so I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself but Chris would give you hugs wherever and whenever. He would love to just wrap his arms around you and hold you to show his love to you.

I - I love you (How fast do they say that they love you?)

My answer for this is basically exactly the same as the Matt SFW alphabet (if you haven’t read it and you want to, I’ve linked it here). If you guys were friends before, it would be very easy to say it because you probably already have said it when you were mates and if you weren’t friends before, he would probably wait it out a little bit more because it would be more of a milestone.

J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Chris would probably more the jealous type than Matt but he’s still not gonna go round, kicking and screaming because you hugged another guy but if a guy was blatantly all over you, he’ll make a bit of a scene. He’d probably just walk over to you, completely ignore the guy, and just like make out with you or something.

K - Kisses (What are their kisses like?)

Chris’ kisses would probably be a bit more on the passionate side of things but he is also definitely not against sweet, sensual kisses. He would probably be the type of boyfriend to be just softly kissing and then he’ll slap your ass or something just because he ‘felt like it’.

L - Little ones (How are they around children?)

He is very sweet around children and would absolutely love their presence. He’d definitely be the more chill type, not like “aww hey little one, you’re so cute” kind of thing but he’d treat them like his best friend.

M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?)

Same as Matt, Chris gets up quite late in the day so you’d probably already be up and doing things when Chris wakes up. When he does, he’ll realise that you’re not there and then bitch and complain until you cuddle with him.

N - Night (What are nights with them like?)

You and Chris would chill up for ages just yapping, cuddling, playing Fort, watching movies, making out, whatever you’re feeling that night. You will probably end up going to sleep before him and he will hold you to help him lull himself to sleep.

O - Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or do they wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Chris would probably prefer to keep things private at the start and slowly reveal things, slowly getting deeper and deeper with the topics. It’ll start off as his favourite childhood movie to his first traumatic experience but he might take a while to open up fully.

P - Patience (How easily angered are they?)

As we all know, Chris’ patience wears thin quiet quickly under normal circumstances but he really tries his best when it comes to you. Sometimes, he’s very patient and he’ll listen to the same story 15 times happily but other times, someone will have done something to piss him off and you won’t have even finished the story for the first time and he’s already a little snappy. You know how to put him in his place though if he starts getting bitchy.

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail or are they more forgetful?)

Considering this mf can barely remember what he had for breakfast some days, he’s pretty good at remembering things about you. He tends to remember little things that you even forget about but if you ask him your favourite colour, he’s stuttering. He remembers the weirdest shit but it’s cute.

R - Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

Chris would love the cute and sentimental moments and he thinks about them daily. I’d say his favourite would be, telling you his brand name and then showing you his first, finished piece of clothing. He loves this moment so much because you were just to most supportive girlfriend ever and it reminds Chris that he chose right when it comes to you.

S - Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

I think that Chris is one protective mf and if anyone says anything even slightly offensive about you, he has something to say. I feel like his form of protection is just making sure no one hurts your feelings or makes you think less of yourself.

T - Try (How much energy would they put into the relationship?)

I think that he would probably be the same as Matt, in which, he’s busy but whenever he has free time, he’ll make sure to either actually go see you or check up on you. I’d like to say that Chris would be putting all of his time and energy into your relationship but he physically wouldn’t have time between his job, etc, and you completely understand that.

U - Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs?)

I feel like, because Chris would have not had a girlfriend before you, there’s some things in relationships that he’s a little bit clueless about. Like, you’ll see him scrolling through Instagram or something and he’ll like a girls photo where she’s blatantly wearing a tiny bikini. He has no malicious intentions and he thinks that you’re the most beautiful girl ever but he can be a little clueless about some things.

V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

I feel like this would change the further you get into the relationship. At the start, Chris would want to make sure he looks as good as he can for when he’s seeing you but after a while, he’ll happily come over to your house in a bin bag if he had to. It all depends on how comfortable he is with you.

W - Whole (Do they feel incomplete without you?)

I don’t think that he would ever feel incomplete necessarily but I think that he’d feel a little out of sorts if you spent an extended period of time apart because he’d just want to see you. So I guess that kind of is feeling incomplete but I wouldn’t word it that way.

X - Xtra (A random headcannon about them)

Chris absolutely adores random little gifts. If you gave him a gift and just tell him that you got it for him because it reminded you of him, he will remember it and cherish it forever.

Y - Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Chris absolutely hates people who are rude to others for no reason. Like, if you and Chris are out on a date and you’re being rude to the server, he will actually want to get up and leave.

Z - Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

I mean, Chris is always still getting his 8 hours but instead of getting those 8 hours between 12am - 8am, he’ll get his hours sleep between 5am - 1pm.

________________________________________

Taglist : @astrolynnworld @moncherriis @mattybsbitch @strnzzvsp @strniohoeee @sturnsem @sturnsdarling @sturnslesbo @sturnioloho @sturniolo-slvt @sturniolojpg @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @loud-sturniolos @iheartmattsbeard @sturnioloslife @stuniolvs @mattgirl4eva @33sturniolo @sturnsxx @thetriplets3 @slashzgirl @hoeforchrizz @shadowthesim

[pseudowho]

Is living domestic life what you imagined it to be as a child/teen? I never thought I'd live this long and I dont know for how long I'll live anyway, but the thought of joy being found in the mundane keeps me going. Is it worth it?

By "domestic life", am I first to assume that you mean a 'nuclear family' in the classic sense?

Based on context, I'm going to assume so.

I also don't know why you feel, strictly, that you should have died and may yet die soon. I cannot make any assumptions on your health, physical or mental, so this also means all I can give you is my own experience. I don't mean to advise one not asking for advice, anyway; all you have asked for is insight.

So I came from the sort of family where, for the most part, being 'a mother' was every woman's main identity. It was just what the women were. For most of my life, I never assumed I would be anything but a mother. It's funny, because in hindsight, none of the rest of my life and career aspirations strictly matched with being 'a mother' in the traditional sense, so I clearly had a long term delusion, there.

If I had known how distinctly in possession of myself I was, I might have known how hard it would be to give myself up, for babies.

Either way...for context: I fell very hard in love, and we grew up together (from ages 14/15) still in love, and we are now 31 and 32. I am a midwife, he is an English Professor/Lecturer and Teacher. We married aged 22/23. We have three sons, aged 7, 4 and 1.

Good things about domestic life:

Loneliness isn't a thing, here.

Lots and lots of affection, both physical and emotional.

The load of life is shared (note: I have a husband who is very, very outside of the norm, with no toxic masculinity and an approach to equality/equitability in work, childcare and housework).

When you are your own family unit, you're pressured less by family to get involved in their shit. Because you've got your own shit.

Living with the love of your life is amazing.

Having babies who are half you, and half the love of your life, is an incredibly beautiful thing.

Raising babies, although supremely difficult, is a joy.

Taking turns being at home and at work is helpful.

You learn to be much more compromising, patient and forgiving.

Bad things about domestic life:

You don't realise how much personal identity, independence or privacy you will lose, being a parent.

Exhaustion.

Parenting is hard. Really hard. Really, really hard.

Finding time for each other, as a couple, is also hard. Any time you do find, at least one of you is likely exhausted.

Good god, so much cooking.

Good god, so much laundry.

Good god, I swear I just vacuumed yesterday.

Good god, groceries are expensive.

Barely keeping your head above water with life admin and finances and childrearing and housework and work and life and ever having any time alone, is absolutely real.

Very very little downtime.

If you are someone who finds joy in the mundane, then yes, you may find a lot of joy in domesticity. So much of it really is mundane; being at home with kids, is often simultaneously boring and stressful. Very odd. Perhaps I'll miss it when they're older.

My personal favourite moment, is the happy sigh at the end of every day, when the kids are in bed, and the house is largely clean, where you fall into each other's arms, and he looks at you like you built the world for him, and just says:

"Hello. You are beautiful."

And I bury my face in his chest, and breathe in the smell of him, and the stale cologne, and the sweat, and life, and say:

"God, I missed you. More than you know."

And it's basically the same, every day.

In a kind of beautiful way.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[britt-kageryuu]

Leo is playing a version of the Sims, with some mods installed.

The audience has watched him mess around, and try to get the Sim based on himself with the one based on his boyfriend named Moon, and somehow just annoying the Bunny instead.

"This is somehow harder in this game, than in real life. Then again my lovely Moon did threaten to cut me in half when we first met." Leo says this while trying to figure why the 'romance options' are making Sim Usagi annoyed.

"Bit of a fun fact. When I visited Bunny Boys family I got to see some pictures. And let me tell ya. He had a Great something Grandfather that was very handsome, and apparently had a 'best buddy'," Leo stopped to do air quotes, "that showed up in quite a few pictures. Though said Grandpa was also a Samurai, so who knows what their relationship was."

In the middle of him talking the Mikey Sim somehow caught something on fire.

"What? How!? He was Painting? How did it catch fire?!" Leo quickly tries to get the Sims to get to safety, or put out the fire. "I need to pause and ask Dee if something in one of the mods is messing with my game."

Leo didn't switch to a BRB scene, he just muted while talking on the phone.

Meanwhile the game wasn't paused either, and they can only watch as the Donnie Sim messes with a Science Station then have it blow up in their face. The Sim then stomps over to a shower to clean up.

The Raph Sim can be seen just going back and forth between a few exercise equipment.

And the Leo Sim starts a stream on the computer, but because of the angle of the camera where Leo left it, it looks like the Sim is talking to the audience. Which is slightly unnerving for the viewers.

Leo after a few minutes ends his phone call and un mutes.

"Sorry about that guys. I asked Dee, and they mentioned that there may have been a mod that adds hidden attributes to the Sims that you have to learn on your own. So maybe my Moon might not see the romance option as romantic until later, and Mandarin might have a hidden pyromaniac trait." As Leo says this the camera switches to see Mikey cooking something with a Flambe flair.

"Though my own Sim might have a hidden trait that makes him a terrible flirt so that romance options fail. Either way time to buy some better fire alarms, and look for a different approach to take with Moon." Leo says while leaning back in his chair with his arms folded.

He just sits back to watch what the Sims were doing for a few minutes, kinda forgetting to turn on double speed, and observed them going about with their lives.

An in game notification mentioned a Sims Splinter, who's a big celebrity, was caught in a scandalous affair.

"I guess this is part of one of the mods. Though what is this affair?" Leo leans forward to click on the notification.

It brings up a in game 'newspaper/magazine' that showed a couple pictures, one of Sim Splinter coming out of a closet with a random male sim, and another of an in game wedding photo of Sim Splinter with Sim Draxum.

"Well this isn't the first time I've seen this kind of article about Dad, but it's the first time that they have a wedding picture. Ya know. Since Pops never married his Ex." Leo says while taking a screenshot and sending it to the group chat. "Though I didn't know his Sim was married to Barrys. I guess that's a personal touch from Dee."

Leo goes to make an attempt at a different interaction between his Sim and Moon. That's when he found a modded sub category of interaction that involved a sword duel.

"Why not? It's the closest thing to what happened, so it might work."

He and the audience sit and watch as the two sims have a fight that didn't last long, but then once it was done their relationship meter had gone up quite a lot. Then the sims started flirting on their own.

"I swear Dee programmed this just to make fun of how weird my relationship is. Because I feel very called out." Leo says with a bit of a pout.

The chat was still very entertained, and tossing around suggestions of what to do next.

The stream continues thankfully without any of the Sims setting themselves on fire.

-----------------

Masterpost

My mind was hitting me with so many story ideas while I was writing the Convention series. Which kinda tells me that my own mind doesn't like working on one connected story over multiple posts, and rather me have 10+ loosely connected posts.

[ihaveaworminmyass]

Update on the Frankenstein fic

Hi! Heres currently I guess what the prologue would be and sets the story. I would appreciate constructive feedback on my work.

When you were born your parents knew that you'd do spectacular things someday. Even if to them those spectacular things were being a good wife, mother and daughter. Instead of focusing on trivial things such as  cooking, cleaning, sewing, embroidering and whatever traditional tasks your mother thought would be important you wanted to learn more about science and reasoning. Your close friend at this age shared the same wondrous mind as you did. His curiosities were more life and death oriented while you were fixated on the mind itself. How does such a thing work together with the rest of your body? Were people born cruel? Things to that knowledge intrigued you deeply. Due to your friendship with Victor, your fellow scientific enthusiast, many assumed you'd marry. Not that victor was ugly or unfit; he simply wasn't what you wanted in a man. When you two would read together during your spare time he'd get so engrossed in his books he'd sometimes completely forget you were there. 

You weren't interested in death to the same degree he was. But still you both had a very close connection to one another. He was a good friend. Since you two were around one another a lot you'd grown close to his family. Especially his angel of a mother, she was the sweetest  woman you'd ever met. Plus she was the only other woman in your life to support your curiosity and not try to shame you for it. She was a breath of fresh air that you desperately breathed  in and enjoyed. You were there with Victor and Elizabeth when she passed. She held their hand and died quite peacefully despite the scarlet fever. 

You knew one day you wouldn't be able to continue your escapade for psychological endeavors. But for those seventeen years with Victor you were allowed to explore these questions in your mind. The day he'd leave for college and your parents would finally realize that you truly wouldn't marry him would soon come. So now you sit with Victor the day before he's to be sent off. “Ingolstadt? But that's so far. Will you be trying to visit during the holidays?” you ask and eat Milchreis your mother  had paired with fresh strawberries and apple slices. “Yes of course I do. What son would I be if I didn't visit?” He mumbles out, his nose buried in his book.  “I swear you've read that book more times than I have fingers.” You say with a slight chuckle. 

“You ought to try reading more. After today I'm sure your mother will push you into more traditional things. You're one of the only Ladies of our class without any marital propositions.” He shuts his book and leans back against the  tree. “Well who am I to marry? I find none of the  men of this town to be to my taste. They are too needy, childish and unwilling to allow me my study time.”  You say with a  sigh. “My mother wishes to marry me off to Cain Bergström.”  your shudder at  the thought. But victor seems to find it hilarious. “Bergström? That…thing? You may need to read up on the mind more since  your mother may not be alright in hers.” A playful gasp leaves your lips as he spoke and you burst out in a loud laugh. “Victor! What a cruel thing to say!” he ends up laughing alongside you. Only with him were you so willing to not hide your ‘unladylike’ laughter as your mother’d put it. 

When the two of you come down from your fit of laughter you wipe the happy tears off your cheeks. The sun was setting and you knew you should be getting home. “Thank you for spending time with me before you leave. Do you promise to write?” You stand up and dust the dead  grass and dirt from your dress. “I will try to. Maybe you and the rest of my family can visit sometime?” When he said ‘the rest of my family’ a small smile appeared  on your lips. “How kind of you, Victor. You think us to be so close were on familial terms!” Your smile widens. “Well yes. You're like a twin sister. A semi annoying and weird twin sister.” he replies with a smirk. “We must be twins entirely then! For all that  you've used to describe me applies to you as well.” you reply smugly. 

He chuckles lowly “I pray for your future husband. Only god knows you can never hold your tongue.” he  stands up alongside you and stretches. “We should be off.” he adds as you two walk back to his house. Your mother allowed you to spend the night as long as you slept in the furthest room from any of the men. You couldn't really sleep that night, the day Victor leaves is the day the trajectory of your life changes.

 Your sleep  wasn't very fulfilling but due to the sun now rising you had to get  up. Quickly you change and leave the room to see Victor before he would leave. Already he was getting his luggage ready and saying goodbyes. You walk up to him and hug him. “I'll miss you Victor” you say and tighten your arms around him. “Of course you will.” he says and you nudge him in the stomach with your elbow. He simply scoffs and sighs. “Ill miss you too. While I'm in university I promise to write you about all the wondrous things i'll learn.”  Tears prick your eyes and you squeeze harder. “When you're back, will you teach your studies to me?” you ask and sniffle. You feel him nod against your skin “If  your mother tries anything, promise to write to me.” he cups your cheeks and you nod. 

Soon you step away so the remaining others will have their turn to say goodbye  to him. Elizabeth approaches Victor with  a sad smile. “I will miss you dearly.” he cups her  cheeks and presses a kiss to her forehead. “As will I. Keep me up to date with any familial matters.” Elizabeth then smiles and nods. “I will, Victor!” He nods one last time at her before departing. A sinking feeling of sadness fills your stomach and tears fill your eyes. Your parents would be expecting you to return soon. You grab your handkerchief and wipe the tears  from your cheeks. You hear Elizabeth's voice  beside you,  “I know we were never close  but if anything happens,” she says with emphasis on anything. “Please do not be afraid to confide in me.” She hugs you and walks back to the home. With a heavy sigh you begin your walk home. 

@yiboistbunnyrabbit7

[gentle-traditionalism]

hello lovely, hope you’re having a nice day! do u have any tips for girls who are on the younger side (like 17 yrs old) who wanna be trad? I’ve been trying to look more into feminine living n etiquette rules and stuff, any stuff I should enhance further or do as well?

Hello! I have been having a lovely day, thank you. I do have a lot of advice that I’d give to younger trad girls, but I should clarify that to me, being trad is largely about values and goals - such as loving God, being feminine, and raising a strong, honourable family - rather than aesthetic, so my advice might lean more towards trad lifestyle tips rather than say, glow-up tips (though I do have a few of those) Here are some of my tips:

Put God first in your life. Read the Bible and pray daily, and always remember God’s love. Find a church that doesn’t sugar-coat things, but also isn’t all doom and gloom. Neither are beneficial for your long-term spiritual growth.

Make sure to love and take care of yourself. This doesn’t mean that you should be self-obsessed or vain, but it’s so important to treat yourself kindly. If you don’t love yourself you are likely to put up with other people mistreating you because you think you don’t deserve better, and you absolutely do.

Since tradblr has a major focus on being a wife, I’d give this advice; don’t stress about finding your husband right now. I know how annoying this can be to hear, but seventeen is very young. While I still feel much the same as I did when I was seventeen, I have had so many more experiences and grown as a person since then. As much as I wish I was married now, I’m still very glad that I didn’t marry when I was a teenager/very young adult, because I would have many regrets. If you already have a boyfriend who you want to marry someday, keep this in mind; don’t make any serious relationship decisions until you see how he acts around/treats his family. If you marry him, you’ll be his family and he’ll treat you the same way. On the same note, don’t make any commitments until you see him angry. This doesn’t mean that you should purposefully make him angry (please don’t do that) but you want to see how he controls his temper. At the end of the day, it really is best to wait until you are both older to make any commitments, especially since men tend to mature slower than women (please note; this does not mean you should seek out older men! Keep yourself safe). With that being said, you can absolutely plan and prepare for when you are older! So on that note...

Get a hope chest! It doesn’t have to be a fancy antique one; it could just be any old storage bucket. If you do have an antique one, make sure to inspect the latch - you don’t want one that could lock a child or anyone else inside. Fill it with things you want to fill your future home with, or things for your future children. This can help motivate you if you ever feel frustrated with waiting.

Eat healthy. There are hundreds of different diets out there, but eating doesn’t have to be anything complicated; just eat real food with real ingredients, and make sure you eat enough fruits, vegetables, and get lots of meat/protein. This is a good opportunity to practice cooking as well!

Save up as much money as you can. You’re more likely to be living at home now, so save while you don’t have as many bills to pay.

Don’t curse. Cursing makes you seem less intelligent, and it’s often mean-spirited. Swearing is also just not ladylike.

Practice cooking, baking, cleaning, learn an instrument (piano or violin are especially nice in my opinion) mending, knitting, decorating...any kind of traditionally feminine skill you are interested in, start practicing now. You want to start living your future dream life now as much as possible. Not only do you have more time to gain skills before you need them, but you also are able to determine if it’s really what you want or if you need to adjust your goals.

As for some beauty tips:

- Hair: Give yourself scalp massages, get a natural hairbrush (wood, boar bristle, etc) and brush your hair for 100 strokes every night, and then braid it or put it in a protective hairstyle before sleeping. Satin or silk pillowcases are also excellent. Do a hair mask once a week.

- Skin: Instead of focusing on covering up blemishes with makeup, focus on taking care of your skin! Drink lots of water, avoid touching your face, wash your face twice a day, and use a good moisturizer. Find out your skin type to figure out the best way to care for your skin.

- Teeth: Try oil pulling! It helps so much. Brush at least twice a day (not immediately after eating, though, as it can damage your enamel) and don’t brush too hard; you don’t want to damage your gums.

I’d also recommend finding a nice perfume/fragrance! I’ve avoided this until recently, as I’m very sensitive to fragrances and always got headaches. But I found that in my case, higher-quality perfumes don’t bother me, and so I’ve been wearing my signature perfume daily. Find a signature scent - for me, it’s peony. It makes you instantly recognizable when you walk into a room. You don’t want to wear too much of it, but having a nice perfume just makes me feel more feminine and happy, and I’ve been getting many compliments.

There’s more to be said, and it’s likely I’ve forgotten something, but I’ll leave it there for now. If you have any more questions, or if you want more specific advice on specific subjects, feel free to ask! I hope this was helpful to you in some way!

[cryptidsurveys]

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2024.

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? I closed the bathroom door. We used to close it because the sink faucet was leaky and the noise was obnoxious, but now I just do it out of habit.

Stripes or polka dots? Not a huge fan of either when it comes to clothing.

Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? Depends. Like if they come over and put their hand on my arm or shoulder while they're telling me something, that's fine, idc.

What is your gender? So ready to transcend this mortal flesh so I don't have to think about it anymore.

Do you think that people think its obvious? Hella.

How long did your first date last? You mean the relationship? A little over a year.

Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? Yeah.

Highlight of your day? Probably seeing Nan. She's great. She's a volunteer who does shitloads of laundry for the shelter.

Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? What kind of boat? What kind of plane? Where am I going?

Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? Probably.

Can you cook? Lol I usually say, "Well, I can follow a recipe - it's not that hard." But sometimes it is that hard - to trust and just do what it says. ;D

How high is your ceiling? Idk.

Whats the worst job you can think of? Got that Hoist the Colors North Sea oil rig song stuck the fvck in my head right now.

Do you swear a lot? Depends on the company and how zesty I'm feeling.

Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? No.

Is everything working in your house? No.

Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? Trampoline.

Does pop give you energy? Not enough to be noticeable. Same with coffee.

TV show you love with a passion? Let's go with podcasts instead since I don't really watch TV anymore. One of my favorites would be Brothers of the Serpent.

Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Not sure what I would consider to be the worst night of my life, but probably a combination of "I can survive more than I think I can" and "self-destruction never makes a difficult situation better."

Perfect age to get married? I don't think there is a perfect age.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? Not even close.

Name a career path that women are known for taking. I don't know if this is a career path women are known for taking, but the animal shelter staff is comprised of mostly women. There are only two men working there atm.

Favorite type of cookie? Peanut butter, white chocolate macadamia nut, sugar cookies…etc.

A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? Aside from the usual qualities, the sense that I can just be myself around them. That they really do love me for me.

What would I find if I looked in your pocket? Nothing.

What was your first word? Aside from Mama and Dada, I think it was Duck.

A musical instrument you wouldn’t mind learning how to play? Harp, guitar, or violin.

Last time you went to 7-eleven? No idea. But I was at Loaf-N-Jug recently to fill up on gas.

A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? There isn't one.

Does everyone in your family have a job? My mom and dad are retired. Last I knew, my sibling wasn't working. I'm also not employed, but I do volunteer work.

Going anywhere this weekend? Animal shelter both days.

Is your room ever clean? Yeah.

What does it mean when you’re being quiet? Could mean almost anything. Tired, shy, sick, uncomfortable, don't have anything to say, simply chillin'.

Last person you had a face to face conversation with? My dad.

Where’s your phone? On my desk, charging.

Do you know the difference between your and you’re? Yeah.

How late did you stay up last night? I was in bed by around 7:00pm.

Anyone you’re ready to kill? No. Not even myself. :')

Do you need to get a tan? Curious about how I would look with a tan, but I don't actually want one.

What do you want? Gonna drop an annoying cliche here, but I would love to "find my tribe." I'm acquainted with a number of great people, but…ugh. Chronic outsider syndrome.

Favorite TV show as a kid? Franklin, Little Bear, DBZ, Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, Gullah Gullah Island, Hey Arnold, etc.

What’s a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? There are plenty of shows I'm not interested in watching, but it's not like I'm specifically refusing.

How many times have you been in love? A few times.

Go camping or go to a party? Camping.

Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? I don't remember exactly, but probably sometime around middle school.

How many years older than you would you date someone? Might consider up to lower / mid 40s.

What was the last thing you pinky swore on? I have no idea.

Would you consider yourself a nice person? Could always do better, but I certainly try to be.

Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? Not really.

Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? No…?

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? No.

True or false: Glee is annoying. I've never seen it before.

Last thing you cooked? Chicken.

Do you use slang often? Sometimes.

Wear glasses? When I'm driving.

About how old was the last person that hit on you? I haven't been hit on in ages.

What color are your headphones? Black.

Would you make a good teacher? Why? I doubt it. Even when it comes to subjects that interest me, I'm not very good at explaining them or building up a foundation from the beginning.

Don’t you hate those commercials that try too hard? I hate commercials in general.

Is the fan on? No.

Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? Took it for a couple of questions and now I'm regrettably committed.

What does the last text message you sent say? I sent a few random words to my dad to let him know I was on the way home from the shelter earlier.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? I have one friend and it's not possible for them to get pregnant. They also live in California, so even if it was for their partner or whoever, the answer would still be no.

Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? Don't use Facebook. I don't log out of my other social media accounts, though.

What color are your underwear? Blue, gray, and yellow. Lol, they've got dump trucks on them. ;D

How short are your nails? Pretty short, but I still need to clip them within the next couple of days.

Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? I would prefer a more "dominant" partner. Not to the point of being overbearing, but more of a protective / take the lead kind of way.

Favorite holiday? I just love the holiday season in general. It's not about the actual days themselves, but the feelings of excitement, nostalgia, and festivity surrounding them.

If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Nope. Pointed to Wisconsin instead lmao.

You’re locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? Like two spiders or an absolute infestation of them? Depending on the circumstances, I might be more upset about being locked in a room.

Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? None of my clothing is expensive.

Do you eat a lot of food? It feels like it.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Yeah.

Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? For the most part.

How many people do you text daily? I don't text anyone on a daily basis, but I text my dad most frequently and will occasionally post to the cattery group chat.

Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? No.

Is there anyone who you call by their last name? No.

What did you do on your last birthday? I spent the morning at the animal shelter and then went out to lunch with my parents.

Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? Envy and sloth.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? No.

What is your least favorite subject in school? It used to be Math.

Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? No.

Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s faces? I don't.

When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? Earlier this morning. A video by Shawna Ripari.

Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? No.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? No idea.

How many meals have you eaten today, so far? Two.

Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” No…?

Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? No.

Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? I've been to Wet Seal before, but I didn't purchase anything.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? Ooh, that's tough. Maybe Pocahontas, Beauty & the Beast, or Moana.

When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? Maybe a little bit.

Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? Definitely hardwood. So sick of dirty old carpet.

Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? Probably my dad.

As a kid, did you ever go to camp? Yeah. Camp Jackson and Camp Lazy Acres.

Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? Hmmm.

Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? No.

When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? I don't think I've been anywhere I felt was haunted.

Who was the last person to compliment you? Nan.

How old were you when you got to go on your first date? I think I was 13. I went to a Gold Kings hockey game with Michael and his mom.

Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? Somewhere in the middle, I suppose, with my dad being slightly more over-protective.

Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah.

Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? I don't think so.

Do you still watch cartoons on television? No.

What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? I haven't been to Taco Bell in forever, but maybe a black bean crunch wrap supreme and a side of nachos and cheese.

Is there anyone currently annoying you? No.

Have you ever felt like someone was following you? No.

Do you like short or long surveys the best? I prefer shorter ones. This one was a bit too long for my tastes.

Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No.

Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? I have no idea how my sibling acts the majority of the time, but due to some of the things they've said and done, I don't think of them as a very nice person.

Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? Nooo. I love thunderstorms.

How often do you shower? Almost daily. Twice daily if I go to the shelter.

Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Yeah.

How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? Zero.

Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? Sure.

Do you ever watch any soap operas? Naw.

Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? Not everyone but Alex could be that way behind some people's backs. Made me wonder what she was saying when I wasn't around.

Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? Sometimes they start to drag. No matter how interesting the questions are, I start to get drained after a while.

What color is your significant other’s hair? No significant other.

Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? No.

Would you ever become a foster parent? No.

Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? No.

When you get married, will you convert your last name? Probably.

Are your parents divorced, married or separated? They're separated, technically not fully / legally divorced.

Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? Yeah.

What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? I don't knooowww. It's so hard to pick a single event because it's not always about the event itself, but how it piled upon or compounded other already existing hardships.

[sigs-gurney]

I learned about the insane world of slap-fighting - a REAL sport mind you - and gave some of my coworkers slap-fighter names

Here goes it:

Manager 1 - Stick Bug (tall and lanky, has somewhat stunted movements and a gate like a stick bug, anxious af and rather harmless but I think if he swung hard enough his stiff arms could do some real damage)

Manager 2 - White Knight (he is the most unproblematic white boy with a mostly unpassionate flat affect, also stood up for me against that one coworker)

General Manager - Hidden Switch Blade (I just think he’d carry one just bc it’s funny)

Assistant Manager - Karrot Kake (ginger and slightly pudgy, also appreciates stupid things like replacing hard c’s at the beginning of words with k’s)

Coworker 1 - Brokeback Bastard (big lad who jokes regularly about his degenerative disk disease, a hetero who can do the splits better than most drag queens hence the gay name)

Coworker 2 - Blindsider (basically blind without her glasses, but unexpectedly strong and powerful [met Coworker 1 at a party and punched him bc he drunkenly asked her to after she drunkenly hit him by mistake once already and then knocked him literally off his feet, they’re married now])

Coworker 3 - Shooting Star (name begins with “star” irl, has a very strong personality that overwhelms me on occasion but she’s very sweet)

Coworker 5 - Little Shit (older lady who doesn’t speak any English aside from swear words and names, “little shit” is her favorite thing to say in English [all the managers either speak or have learned some Spanish to communicate with her and taught her said swear words])

Me - Biggie Bendy Straw (one coworker compared himself to Tupac and myself as Biggie and it stuck bc I am teeny and absolutely not gangsta, hyper mobile and have shown most of my coworkers videos/pics of me fitting into tiny spaces [have arranged with coworkers to prank Stick Bug by crawling out of empty cabinets eventually])

Don’t have anymore names atm, but I have decided what type/color of cat everyone would be bc I’ve always LOVED cats and it has permanently affected how I view and understand people my whole life

Me - fluffy colorpoint munchkin (colorpoints are one of my favorite colors, fluffy cats r cool, and I can fit into small spaces)

Manager 1 - black and white cat (almost definitely undiagnosed ASD and takes everything very seriously and at face value)

Manager 2 - white shorthair (see unproblematic whitey statement, impeccably clean and wears the same style pants but in different colors every day)

GM - grey shorthair (very calm and goofy, nonchalant about most things, everyone respects)

AM - short ginger tabby (see ginger above, gets along with everyone)

Coworker 1 - dumb orange and white tabby with busted up tail (ADHD and accident prone and has many scars from it but iron fortitude)

Coworker 2 - solid tortoiseshell (assertive and takes no shit but also kind)

Coworker 3 - fabulous greying silver and white tabby longhair (very glam personality, ate it up in the 70s)

Coworker 4 - short greying black shorthair (arbitrary color choice bc black cats are just my favorite and she is very very sweet)

Some others I didn’t mention before

Manager 3 - black medium hair (has nice poofy haircut and has a cool moon-related style)

Manager 4 - mousey brown shorthair (has brown hair, quiet but efficient, I made a joke about her cooking a mouse in the oven when she burned bread one time [it smelled bad and def wasn’t a mouse but I have done that on accident at home bc we get mice in the winter])

Coworker 6 - rusty tabby (friendly and mischievous, pulls pranks on Stick Bug on the reg, has gotten hit by cars riding his bicycle numerous times but has never gotten more than a scratch, dumpster dives for no particular reason other than to entertain himself [also tells harmless over exaggerated stories so maybe the car thing has only happened a couple of times])

Coworker 7 - dilute calico and white (boisterous and jokey, usually pretends she understands what you’re talking about but will immediately admit she doesn’t if you ask)

Coworker 8 - generic brown tabby (usually slacks off when he can but still gets his bread, very very southern accent so he reminds me of a barn cat)

And that’s it. Enjoy ig lol

[suckitsurveys]

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? The door automatically closes behind me. It was the back door to our office and it remains closed and locked for security.

Stripes or polka dots? Both are cute.

Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? Um, as a general rule, don’t fucking touch me??? But like, if someone is consoling me and talking to me, then I don’t mind if they have a hand on my shoulder or even a hug or something. But even then that’s usually someone I’m close to anyway.

What is your gender? I’m a woman.

Do you think that people think its obvious? Gender isn’t obvious bro. Yes I do realize the irony in saying bro haha.

How long did your first date last? My very first date ever? I don’t remember, that was ages ago.

Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? Yes, a feature wall and some accents in this office are purple.

Highlight of your day? Finding out not only is John Mulaney’s new special coming to Netflix April 25th, but also Pete Davidson’s new show is coming to Peacock May 4th! What a day!

Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? I mean, travel-wise, a plane. I wouldn’t mind going out on a boat for the day though.

Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? For the most part, yeah.

Can you cook? I get by.

How high is your ceiling? We have pretty low ones in the apartment since we are in the basement. In the office I am in I’d say they are at least 10ft.

Whats the worst job you can think of? I don’t know, that’s objective.

Do you swear a lot? I do oops.

Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? She does.

Is everything working in your house? Our oven has been broken for 3 years now haha. We have just been using the toaster oven lol.

Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? Uh, a pool, hands down. Does pop give you energy? Eh.

TV show you love with a passion? BoJack Horseman. Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Blech.

Perfect age to get married? The perfect age doesn’t exist, as long as you feel you are ready (and both of you are legal consenting adults) then fuckin go for it.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? Ehhh not quite.

Name a career path that women are known for taking. Any career path they fucking want.

Favorite type of cookie? Those pre-cut Pillsbury sugar cookies with the holiday designs.

A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? Humor.

What would I find if I looked in your pocket? Nothing.

What was your first word? I have no idea.

A musical instrument you wouldn’t mind learning how to play? Piano.

Last time you went to 7-eleven? It’s been a bit. The last time I remember going was maybe the end of summer, early fall?

A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? Burger King because the food is gross and Chick-Fil-A because the owners are gross.

Does everyone in your family have a job? My father is retired.

Going anywhere this weekend? I have no definite plans as of right now.

Is your room ever clean? Right now its kind of storage for a few pieces of furniture until my sister moves into her new place and I can put them there so it is a bit of a mess.

What does it mean when youre being quiet? That I’m not talking?

Last person you had a face to face conversation with? My coworker.

Where’s your phone? It’s just right next to me.

Do you know the difference between your and you’re? Yep.

How late did you stay up last night? Until about midnight.

Anyone you’re ready to kill? Yes. Or just make not exist.

Do you need to get a tan? I never “need” to tan because I don’t care if I am or not.

What do you want? To sleep. And also cheese fries.

Favorite TV show as a kid? Oh SO many. Pokemon was a big one. Almost everything on Nickelodeon. Garfield and Friends. Tiny Toons. Powerpuff Girls

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? The Big Bang Theory.

How many times have you been in love? Twice.

Go camping or go to a party? Camping, but depends on the party.

Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? My sister used to let me have “swear time” when she’d babysit me. I was like, 4 or 5 when that started, lol.

How many years older than you would you date someone? Mark is 5 years older than me. What was the last thing you pinky swore on? Oof, I can’t remember; but I am sure it was with my nieces.

Would you consider yourself a nice person? Yeah, mostly.

Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? No.

Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? I mean, it’s possible one has lived there before we did? Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? Yeah, actually one of my coworkers does. It’s WEIRD.

True or false: Glee is annoying. True.

Last thing you cooked? I made some pesto pasta stuff the other day to take to lunch with me.

Do you use slang often? Sure.

Wear glasses? Yep. Cannot function without them. About how old was the last person that hit on you? My husband is 38.

What color are your headphones? I have a purple pair and a blue pair.

Would you make a good teacher? Why? No, because that sounds awful.

Don’t you hate those commercials that try too hard? Don’t we all.

Is the fan on? No.

Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? Nope.

What does the last text message you sent say? It was a sad face emoji.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Yeah, in a heartbeat.

Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? I have not logged out of a website in YEARS.

What color are your underwear? Burgundy.

How short are your nails? They are SO LONG. I am getting them done today and I’m going to have her cut them a little bit.

Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? Depends.

Favorite holiday? Halloween.

If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Yes.

Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? Depends on the amount of spiders and type of spiders. Like, black widows? I’d be dead.

Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? I don’t even know what that is.

Do you eat a lot of food? Uh huh.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Yeah..

Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? For the most part.

How many people do you text daily? On average like 1-4. Usually my husband, my friend Lolly, and sometimes my friend Sarah or Ellen, sometimes my sister.

Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? Nope.

Is there anyone who you call by their last name? No.

When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? The other day I watched a couple of Grav3Yard Girl videos.

Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? Yup.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Yesterday I held my niece’s hand while we were crossing the street.

How many meals have you eaten today, so far? Just lunch.

Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” Not at all?

Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? It might be?

Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? Nope.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? Emperor’s New Groove.

[thursdayg1rl]

hate the way only the men in this family are allowed to be ambitious

[darkmulti]

(Yandere and non con warning)

Def not the only one who wants a 18th century h.c of possessive and controlling, husband!Jungkook x forced wife!reader. Jungkook gets jealous after witnessing another man asking you out and when you come back home at night, he breeds you. Please make it rough and non con. Thank you❤️‍🔥

-> you’re definitely not the only one. I can assure you that I’ve thought about this too many times😫

⚠️: NON CON, YANDERE!JUNGKOOK, Squirting/piss play, Physically, mental and emotional abuse, spit play,

-> sorry for any mistakes

Your parents owned a local bakery store

All the recipes were from your late grandmother

You spent almost all of your time there because you were in charge of everything

The store was under your parents’ name but you were the one running it

Sometimes, you even slept there because it’d be too late to walk home

Your dedication to the bakery made it successful

Although, you were the one doing all the work, you parents took all the credit and money

They weren’t paying you because you’re their child

They don’t need to pay you

“It’s a women’s place.” Your father said

You wanted to go back to school however, your parents laughed in your face

“School aren’t for girls, Y/N. Learn how to cook and clean. That’s all you need to know. Let the men handle everything else.”

You were tired of fighting with them and eventually stopped because they threatened to set you up in an arrange marriage

Now, it was just you and the bakery

You had many loyal customers and recently, one has been coming everyday, at the same time

He’d always buy a loaf of banana bread and if he was in a good mood, a blueberry muffin as well

Then, he’d sit in the corner table and eat two - three slices before getting up and leaving

He’d always leave a tip behind and you always kept it for yourself

One day, he didn’t come and you were surprised

For a year straight, he came and bought the same two things

Now, he hasn’t visited in 4 days

Tonight, you came back home for the first time in a while

Your parents had visited the bakery to collect “their” earnings and told you that you have to go somewhere with them that evening

After closing up and cleaning up, you went home and got ready

Your parents were taking you out for dinner as a treat for all your hard work

You were really excited because they were finally acknowledging your hard work

Once you arrived at the restaurant, your parents lead you to a table that already had three people seated

You immediately recognize one of them

It’s that guy who buys your banana loaf!

You sat in front of him while your parents greeted the two other strangers

“Oh, so this is your daughter? She’s gorgeous! Come here and give me a hug.”

You awkwardly chuckled and got up to hug the middle aged women

“Oh! Where are my manners? My name is Jeon F/N, this is my husband, Jeon F/N and this is our son, Jeon Jungkook. We’re your soon to be in laws!”

You heart dropped to the floor

“I-in laws?” You asked, confused

“Yeah, honey. Is this your first time hearing about this? We’ve been talking to your parents for a while now.”

You snapped your head towards you parents and they looked emotionless

“No, no they didn’t tell me anything.”

Dinner with them was hell

Your parents were talking about your wedding arrangements right in front of you

You didn’t know what to do

You wanted to rebel but then your parents would disown you

Just like that, you’d be homeless with little money to survive

In the end, you’d be paying the heavy price

You looked at Jungkook who was staring at you the whole time

You wondered if he knew about this

Maybe, that’s why he came to the bakery everyday

“Did you know anything about this?” You said loud enough for him to hear

“I did.”

“For how long?”

“Since last year.”

You eyes widen, in shock

You were right!

“Why didn’t you stop it?”

“Why would I stop it when I’m the one who wants it?”

You scrunch your eyebrows, in confusion

“What’re you talking about?”

“Since the first day I met you, I wanted to marry you. I told my parents and now, we’re getting married.”

Now, you were mad

You got up and stormed off, catching everyone’s attention

You walked to the bakery and locked yourself in

Here, you thought your parents were acknowledging you for first time, when they were actually setting you up for a marriage so they don’t have to take care of you

You cried yourself to sleep that night

The next couple of weeks, the bakery was closed due to your wedding

The wedding was spectacular

You would’ve love it if you weren’t being forced into a marriage

After the wedding, Jungkook took your precious virginity

He made sure to pleasure you until you passed out

He was so in love with you

Now, he was finally able to show you how much he loved you

And mark you as his

The next couple of months, he was attached to you

He took over his family’s business and you took over your family’s business

He’d visit you every day at work to check if you’re with another man

He was so paranoid about it, sometimes he’d come by 3 or 4 times to make sure you were not cheating

You thought he missed you and that’s why he kept stopping by (which is half true) however, you had no idea that he was possessive and controlling

You had to learn the hard way

Sometimes, you wouldn’t leave work until midnight

You had so much things to do like preparing for the next day, making a to-do list, making a grocery lists, and cleaning every area of the shop

It’s time consuming, so obviously you finish up pretty late

Jungkook absolutely hates that

Although you stay late in the shop once in a while, he can’t stand it

He wants you to be in his arms every night

Jungkook gets angry when you’re not

This was your fourth time staying out late in the shop and he’s had enough

He couldn’t help but feel paranoid about what you were actually doing in the shop

What if you lied and went on a date with another man?

What if you were running away from him?

Or even worse, what if you were having sex with another guy?

He raced to the bakery and banged on the door, which scared you

You saw that it was him and let him in

“W-what’s wrong?! You scared me!”

“Grab your stuff, we’re going home.”

“But I’m not done yet! I only have a couple more things to do and then I’ll come home. I told you already-”

“I don’t think you fucking heard me!” He yelled and grabbed your hair

“Grab your shit, we are leaving right now.”

He pushed you towards the counter and crossed his arms

You let your breath out in shock but scurry to get your stuff

You’ve never seen him like this and it terrified you

“I have my stuff.”

“Good, let’s go.”

He helped you lock the door and wrapped his arm around your waist

The walk home was silent

You were scared shitless

All you wanted to do was run back into your parents’ house

But he didn’t let you move an inch away from him

Once you got home, he started pushing you around and arguing some more

“Jungkook, I told you this afternoon when you came to visit! I said I have to stay late so I don’t have to stress myself out in the morning!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me! Who were you fucking seeing?!” He screamed, frightening you more

“No one! I swear, no one!” You whimpered

He corned you into your shared room and locked the door

“Jungkook, I swear! Nothing happened!”

He didn’t believe a single word coming out of your mouth

It was like you were talking to a wall

He pushed you onto the bed and stripped you naked

Jungkook pushed two fingers into your cunt and pretended to scoop out cum

“If nothing happened, why is your cunt full of cum?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t have sex with anyone!”

You weren’t very educated about sex, so Jungkook had an advantage

You began apologizing even though you didn’t have sex with anyone

You just wanted peace between you two

“I’m sorry! I didn’t cheat or anything, but I’m sorry if it hurt you! I really am!”

Jungkook slapped you and spat on your face

“Dirty slut. Telling me that you’re not cheating but still apologizing.”

“No! Please, I didn’t do anything!”

Jungkook pulled his cock out and shoved it in without warning

You were still new to sex so when he didn’t let you adjust, you automatically started screaming and crying

“Please, slower!” You cried, holding onto his biceps as he went faster and deeper

“Stop! Please!”

Jungkook loved the sound of his balls clapping against your ass

It honestly made him harder

All night, he was on top, fucking you hard

Your legs were spread apart, tears in your eyes and sweat dripping down your forehead

You looked like a hot mess

And he loved every second of it

“Mmh- Jungkook!”

You squirted around him and had a trembling orgasm

You couldn’t stop releasing your liquids on him and he couldn’t stop pounding you

The bed sheet was soaked by the end of it

He pushed his cock deep inside and came

After Jungkook fell asleep, you cried for while

How were you supposed to tolerate him for the rest of your life?

The next morning

You woke up in severe pain

You lower region was begging for some pain relief

But there was nothing you could do about it

Jungkook was still sleeping next to you

You decided to leave before he wakes up

After getting ready by leaning on everything, you slowly walked to town

When you arrived at the bakery, you saw a big “for sale” sign

You panicked and went inside the store, only to be greeted by your parents

“Mother, father! Why is there a “for sale” sign on the bakery?”

You parents looked at each other in disappointment

“You see, we have to explain the obvious to your daughter. Be grateful that someone willingly married your idiot daughter.” Your father said before walking out

His words did hurt but you cared about the bakery more than your father

“Why’re you selling it, mother? Can you not afford it anymore? Why-”

“Shut up, Y/N! You’re married now, you have wifely duties. You don’t have time for this bakery so the best option is to sell it.”

Your world fell apart right before your eyes

“But mother-”

“Save it. You already made your father upset. I’m warning you now, you don’t want to get on my bad side.”

You cried the whole morning

After you opened the bakery, lots of people gathered in line

All breads, cakes and muffins were going on sale

After you served the people in line, you went up to the tables and took their order

After you served them, a regular customer who was sitting alone gestured you to come over

You went over to the man and asked him if he needed anything

He told you to take a seat and accompany him

Since the crowd died down, you sat down in front of him

“You look a bit stressed and sad. What’s on your mind?”

You were touched by his words

Finally, someone cared about you

You told him you were upset about the bakery closing

He understood and even offered money to help you keep it open

You were flattered but didn’t accept the money

“Money’s not a problem, my parents just don’t want to keep this shop open.”

You talked with this guy for a couple of hours

Although this was your first time talking to him, you talked to him like he was your best friend

When closing time came around, he got up and asked you out on a date

You didn’t know what to do

You were married but you really liked this guy

You were considering saying yes when someone pulled his shoulder back and punched him across the face

“Jungkook! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“You think I didn’t see that?! I saw it all. I saw you flirting with my wife for three hours straight and then asking her out on a date!”

Jungkook beat the crap out of the guy and pushed him outside

He then came back in the store, looking at you with devil eyes

“Yesterday’s punishment clearly wasn’t enough.”

The entire way home, he was yelling at you, slapping you, spitting on you, pulling your hair, pushing you to the ground and choking you

You were crying the whole time, apologizing over and over

When you arrived home, he seriously had no mercy on you

No foreplay, no lube, no adjusting

Just a raw, thick cock being forced into you

You were begging him to let you go but tonight, nothing was going to stop him

He was moving his hips insanely fast, not giving you enough time to breathe

You were choking on your own sobs

“Jungkook, please no! I’m sorry!”

“Why did you hesitate to deny his offer? You are a married fucking women!” With each word a hard thrust followed, knocking all the air out of you

“Answer me! Is he better than me? Does he take care of you? Does he provide money for you? TELL ME!” He was yelling so loudly, it was making you cry harder

“N-no, he doesn’t. He was just the first person to care about me.” You whispered the last sentence but, Jungkook was able to make it out

“Are you saying that I don’t care about you?”

He got more aggressive and fastened his pace

“Tell me, Y/N! Do you think that I don’t care about you?!”

You couldn’t answer him because you couldn’t catch your breath

He was going too fast and you were crying so hard, you couldn’t breathe

Jungkook noticed how much you were struggling and added onto your struggle by holding your neck down

“Apologize, right now Jeon Y/N!”

You softly apologize but it wasn’t good enough for him

He lifted your legs a little, giving him better access and fucked you till you squirted

This time you sobbed your apology and begged for forgiveness

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook! It’ll never— ah! It’ll never happen again! I’m so sorry! Please for- forgive me for my dumb m-mistake. Please! I’m begging you.” You held onto the bed sheet, praying he would stop

He huskily growled and pushed his cock in deep

“For the next 9 months you’ll be swelling with my baby. Now, everyone can back off.”

He shot his hot cum right into you, filling you up to the rim

Sorry for any mistakes. It’s 3:41am 😄

[howlingday]

jaune's from a family of raiders

well not quite he's from a culture that puts a lot of stock in capturing and ransoming off their friends and neighbors from other tribes. think of it like a combat sport only some times you're also stealing cattle and horses.

he's a prince of the high king

well again it's more complicated the kingdoms are like city states they don't exactly legislate or collect taxes all the way out into the wilds. but they do send huntsmen to protect the area and then tax the huntsmen.

jaune's dad just happened to be a huntsman who didn't pay taxes because the area his family had lived in for generations also happened to be outside the control of vale. and lots of people wanna live near the huntsmen who can keep them safe. so he has a position of respect among all the tribes. and jaune is his son

he's also required to have a harem

this one is interesting because it's one of those cultural things that seems weird from the outside but makes more sense when you look at it. men are hard to keep alive without a hospital. even with aura. women are part of a protected group like children and so take less risks in life. leading to there being a ton more women than men. and since technology isn't quite to the level of the kingdoms proper,

well more hands to help maintain a house isn't bad right?

but most of all jaune is a man who only wants to do right by his family, whether that be those from the past, or the woman, or women, that he loves.

and this part needs no further clarification

tldr: au where jaune's part of a tribal community and brings his lover or lovers home to meet the family. how does that go for everyone?

P.S: also sorry for the flowery ask, i felt inspired by something

Ooh, do tell the inspiration!

"Unhand me, you brute!" Jaune sighed as the girl in white screeched and squirmed behind him. "Do you know who I am?! When my family hears of this, they will hang you for this! Do you hear me?"

Jaune kept his focus on the road ahead as he gripped the reigns of Valorie, his mare, glancing left and right occasionally to avoid an ambush. His family might have a hold on the territory, but with his father growing in age, so, too, did that grip loosen. A rival tribe or rogue patrol from the kingdoms would easily snatch up an easy target like the lone swordsman and his latest bride.

"Could you at least tell me where we're going?"

"Home." Jaune answered, not looking back.

"Oh, yes, of course! How could I not know? And where exactly is your home?"

"Just up ahead."

"Uh huh, I see, and what are you going to do once you're home?"

Jaune let out a long sigh as he stretched his shoulders a bit. "Well, drop you off with the others, then have you judged, if there's enough time."

"Judged?" Weiss raised an eyebrow. "Judged for what?"

"Wife material." Weiss blushed and her jaw dropped. "Can you cook; can you clean; are you good with children; can you have children; do you have any family illnesses?" He shrugged. "Routine wedding discussions."

"W-Wedding?!" Ah, and just like that, the shrieking began anew. "You savage! You brute! I refuse to be treated like some stock taken to auction, about to be sold to some pervert noble!"

"You're not being sold to a noble." Jaune smiled and looked back. "Just me." Before she could begin again, Jaune let out a sigh of relief. "Finally, we're home."

It may have only been about a week since Jaune had left, but it felt like forever since his departure from the lands of Arcadia. The valleys and hills were as green and lush as ever, and the summer winds carried the calming scent of flowers across it all. He passed the growing crops, where he saw his sisters, their wives, and some of his own watering and tending to them. They waved to him, and he returned one to them.

"Welcome home, Miss Weiss." The girl marveled at the beauty. She had only heard of such places from her studies in the manor, but to see it in person was something else. Before she could admire it more, however, the mare stopped, jostling her from her focus.

Jaune slid down, then pulled Weiss down as well, carrying her bridal style. He then set her onto her own feet and untied the binds on her wrists and ankles. She lifted her leg, then kicked his shin. He yelped in pain.

"That was for the kidnapping!" She shouted.

"Yeesh! Just a kick?" Weiss turned to see a lilac-eyed blonde woman in fieldwork garments smiling at her. "When he dropped me off, they had to get his old man to get me off of him." She looked past Weiss to Jaune. "You going soft on me, or just your taste in women?"

"And who are you?" Weiss spat. "One of his whores?"

Yang laughed and placed a sweaty, mud-encrusted paw on her delicate shoulder. It felt warm at first, then hot as her grip became tight, and her eyes red. "I dare you to say that again."

"Yang, stop it!" Weiss and Yang looked to the younger girl running from inside the house. She was a brunette with red tips and silver eyes, and she wore a red apron that she had to roll up to her shins. She futilely tugged on the blonde woman's arm. "Jaune told you not to hurt anyone else!"

She let go, making the girl yelp as she was lifted with her arm. "Aw, c'mon, Rubes, we were just playing!" She then looked to Weiss, her eyes lilac once more. "Ain't that right, Ice Queen?"

"Ice Queen?!" Weiss balked.

"Yang, cut it out, please." Jaune sighed.

"Fine, fine!" Yang turned around, lowering her arm. The smaller girl let go as she walked away. "Besides, the crops won't grow themselves. I'll go be a good workhorse." She stopped to look back and winked. "I expect my carrot tonight, though, sweetheart~."

"Play nice and we'll see." Jaune responded with a smile. With that, Yang chuckled and resumed walking, swaying her hips for a few more yards before jogging back to the field. He looked to the younger girl and smiled. "And how have you been, Ruby?"

She sighed. "Do you mean after you left, or after you came back?"

"Both."

"After you left, I missed you. It was your mom's birthday, but I couldn't afford a present, so I took on her chores for the week, but I didn't expect her chores included chimney cleaning, so now I have soot so far up my nose, I'm still sneezing black. Then I had to tend to the chickens, but they're so vicious, and I swear they can smell weakness, because the rooster jumped me at least six times. Then Zwei needed a bath, but he somehow tricked me into the tub, so I smell like wet dog a little bit. And then I had to bake her cake all on my own, but there were eggshells in it and it came out both burnt and raw somehow, and I just- Argh!" Ruby collapsed into Jaune's torso. "I really missed you."

Jaune held her and kissed the crown of her head. "I missed you, too, Ruby." He stepped back and held a hand outward towards Weiss. "Ruby Rose-Arc, this is Weiss Schnee. She's going to be my newest bride." He looked to Weiss. "Weiss Schnee, this is Ruby Rose-Arc, my second wife. She and Yang will help prepare you for judging."

"It's so nice to meet you!" Ruby swooped in, snatching the other woman's hands in hers. Her smile was wide and bright. "It'll be nice to have another short girl in our home!"

"No!" Weiss yanked her hands away. "I refuse! When my father hears of this, he'll-"

"Oh, that reminds me!" Jaune walked to Valorie and reached into her saddlebag. Weiss grumbled as she watched him pull out a small, burlap sack. "Here, Ruby. This was part of the dowry, but I want you to have it."

Ruby opened the sack and squealed in delight. "Dust crystals!" She hugged the new woman tightly. "You are the bestest bestie a bestie could ever have!"

"What the-?! Where did you get those?!" Weiss shrieked.

"From your father." Ruby ran inside with her new sack. "In exchange for marrying you, we'll allow him to trade through our lands."

"My father would never-!" Jaune gave her a curious look. "I mean, not to one of his own-!" Her voice grew softer. "I thought..."

"Listen," Jaune placed a hand on her shoulder, "if you don't want to marry me, I understand. Most of the others didn't want to, either. But if you give it a few days, you might learn to love it here. You won't go hungry, you'll be well protected, and I promise you'll be loved every day."

"I just... I didn't think I would be treated like this. By my own family."

"I know." Jaune removed his hand. "Would it be okay if I hugged you?"

"I-"

"JAUNEY!" The two saw a young woman bull rush towards Jaune, carrying a dead boar high above her head. Jaune extended his arms out and caught her, spinning in place at least a dozen times. Blood sprayed around, including onto Weiss and the other two as they embraced. When they stopped, Jaune set her down, giving her a butterfly kiss with his nose to hers. "You're home!"

Jaune chuckled. "Yup!" He peered around her and looked to Weiss. "And I brought back someone new."

Nora turned around and gasped as she looked at Weiss. "Oh! My! Dust! You are so small!" She looked to Jaune and waggled her brow. "Be careful you don't break her!" She then laughed. "I'd shake your hand, but, uh, I'm a little busy. I'm Nora Valkyrie-Arc, Jaune's fourth wife."

"Weiss Schnee." Blood dripped from her hair. "And I was just about to leave."

"Aw! Already?! We were gonna make pancakes tomorrow!"

"I was going to make pancakes, Nora." Weiss turned to the male voice and saw a slim man in the doorway, wearing both an apron and a blank expression. "Just like I do every morning for you."

"Renny!" Nora cheered before tossing the trophy to him. "This is my first husband, Lie-Valkyrie Ren!"

Despite his slim figure, the man held the heavy beast with seemingly no trouble. "A pleasure to meet you." He nodded, before turning to head inside.

"Is he also your husband?" Weiss asked. Jaune chuckled nervously. This was going to be a long day, but they both already knew that.

[angelicspaceprince]

SFW Alphabet Heisenberg Headcanons

I posted these on my AO3 but I thought I’d move my headcanons onto Tumblr too - all fanfics are staying on AO3 at this stage.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Heisenberg is a man of action, not of words. He’d be more inclined to show affection through gift giving or physical touch once you’ve reached that level of familiarity around him. In public, definitely a lot more possessive behaviour that’s merged in with physical affection, like his arm around your shoulders or waist, hand holding, making sure you’re within arms reach.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

There would be so much swearing. You’d have to be forced to be around him for a long time before he warmed up to you, and would have to prove that you were trying to be friends with the intent of being his friend, not for Miranda’s or your gain. I personally HC that he and Donna get along well enough that they spend time with one another sometimes, so even being an acquaintance of Donna’s and meeting that way would help speed things up a bit. He’d pop in on you during really bad moments ‘just to say hi’ but then you wouldn’t hear from him for months because he’s too focused on his metal army to realise how much time has passed.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He will never admit it, but he does love a cuddle. If you manage to convince him to have a cuddle session with you, he will always, always insist on being the mattress or the big spoon, and will play with your hair and trace random words and numbers against your back. When he’s had enough or needs to do something he will make a snide remark about you having had your fun and he needs to get up to do actual adult shit now, but you always find he’s a lot calmer after having a good cuddle. During rough days are the days that he will approach you directly and state plainly that he wants you to be the big spoon or the mattress, loving the feeling of your hands in his hair or playing with his various necklaces or tracing weird patterns that don’t make sense against his skin. He loves a good cuddle, but again. He will deny it until his last breath.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Heisenberg can cook one (1) meal and he burns it every single time. He claims it ‘adds flavour’, but in reality he was so focused on something that he forgot that he had something on the stove until he smelt smoke. He’s also not a clean man, not organised - shit just goes on the floor and when he needs it, he eventually finds it or a replacement.

I don’t think Heisenberg would want to settle down intentionally. He’s so focused on leaving the village that it consumes every waking and sleeping thought. But, that being said, if someone was to arrive and start acting domestic around him once he’d lowered his walls enough, he’d quickly fall into some sense of routine that looks very, very domestic from the outside. He’s very much the sort of man who doesn’t ask you out, you just end up dating somehow.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Cut and run. He doesn’t had time for emotions (before leaving the village) and he’s not good with words so he’d rather just up and leave and save himself the hassle. Probably wouldn’t even leave a note or send a text, you’d just have to figure it out for yourself that he was alive and had left you and not dead in a ditch.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Definitely not whilst living in the village. Again, he’d not really ask someone to be in a relationship more than he’d just fall into one. But, once he’s realised that you’re dating (and after he’s left the village, whichever comes last), he may start thinking about something more long term. I feel like it would take years for him to realise that he wants to marry you, and then years again before he asks. You’ve got to be in it for the long-haul and after escaping the village, there is a lot of healing that would need to take place. So. Don’t expect marriage any time soon.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Surprisingly, very? He’s a hard ass at first, but the longer you know him and the more he drops his guard, the more you realise he’s a big ole softy underneath his hard shell. He wears a lot of his more intense emotions on his sleeves, but the more intimate ones are harder to come by and usually it takes a unique gaze to realise that he’s been gentle to you for a while, it’s just in a very Heisenberg way.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Same with cuddling, he’ll never admit that he likes them but he does. You have to initiate most hugs, with his preference being you pressed up against his back as he sits by his desk or table with your head resting either on top or next to his own. He’s always warm, and a weird but comforting blend of strong muscle with soft fat makes his hugs some of the best you’ve ever experienced. Sometimes he needs them for a little pick me up and sometimes you need them for the same reason. If you ask him to hug you first, with your head pressed against his chest or shoulder, he will grumble and tease you a little, but never, ever deny you.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Oh, forever. I’m convinced that Heisenberg shows his love rather than says it - you learn his little love declarations as time goes on (him fussing over you or saying some form of praise where an ‘I love you’ would be appropriate, him making or doing something for you. Stuff like that). I don’t think Heisenberg would say I love you very often, it’d only be during highly emotional or important moments that the word would just slip out.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Ahaha. Ahaha. Ahahahahaha. Yeah no he gets jealous a lot. It does not take much. Angie demanding too much of your time? Jealous. Alcina inviting you to dinner with her and her girls. Jealous. That random kid from the village asking you for help and giving you a flower as thanks? Jealous. He tends to get more closed off to you and short, and if it’s Alcina who’s the one who makes him feel this way or, heaven forbid, someone showing interest in you romantically, there will be violence. Otherwise, just a lot of pouting and occasional rants about how they know not to bother you and he’s only looking out for you and is definitely not jealous that your attention can’t be on him 100% of the time.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Rough, scratchy. Usually heated but every now and again you’ll have a soft make out session or give each other a simple peck as you walk by. He loves kissing your shoulders and neck just to see you shiver, and forehead kisses are his preferred way to show affection in this manner. He isn’t that fussed where he’s kissed, just as long as he gets to feel your lips against him in some way.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Depends on the age - useless with babies. Absolutely useless. But once kids start talking and he’s able to answer questions or teach them words and phrases that will have their parents seeing red? He’s incredible, mostly because he’s having the time of his life teaching them anything and everything, including different swears to share with their parents the moment they get home.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Pre escape: Each start to the day usually revolves around trying to find out where he’s passed out this time, or if he’s slept at all. Usually you’d bring him something to eat and drink to keep him going and ask what he worked on overnight before you go to get ready for your day.

Post escape: Most mornings, he’d wake up before you and you’d be woken by him playing with your hair or tracing his fingertips against your skin. You’ve taught him how to use the coffee machine, so sometimes he’ll have a coffee there waiting for you. It takes a lot of work for you to pull away from him in the mornings, mostly because he refuses to let you go, but regardless, its a stark contrast to the way he was before escaping Miranda.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Pre escape: You try and stay up with him as long as possible, not wanting him to not have the company. Eventually, you pass out next to him, something he finds hysterical and heartwarming at the same time - he’ll never admit it but he never thought he’d meet anyone that would trust him enough to fall asleep next to him. He usually lets you rest there for a little bit, finding comfort in your soft snoring and occasional shifting, before he picks you up and carries you to bed, making sure you’re tucked in nice and warm before going back to his work. The softness can wait for after you’ve both survived his escape plan, and not a second before.

Post escape: I see two things happening frequently: The first is you falling asleep on the couch with your legs in his lap as you struggle to stay awake as he watches a show on the telly. You don’t want to leave but you struggle to stay awake. When the show is finished, he picks you up and, much like back at the village, carries you to bed but only this time he crawls in after you, curling you up against his side or slotting your back against his front, falling asleep seconds after he has you in a comfortable position for the both of you.

OR

You end up going to bed a little bit early to do something, maybe read a book or scroll on your phone, who knows. Heisenberg eventually joins you, crawling into your lap until his head is resting against your chest. He falls asleep on top of you as you play with his hair, his arms wrapped tightly around your middle as you continue helping to bring him down after a stressful day.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

So, so slowly. I’m talking at least a year of him being completely closed off because he even lowers his guard a little. He’s been hurt before, he’s been used before. And as far as he knows, you could be someone Miranda sent to him to keep tabs on him, or you could be toying with him for your own amusement. You really would have to show that you are there for him before he started opening up to you, and even then it wouldn’t be in waves, it would be in drips and trickles.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

This man has anger issues, he gets angry at the drop of a hat.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He won’t remember stories, or names, or dates - time just blends into one, endless mess for him. But he will remember facts. You tell him your favourite colour or favourite snack? In his mind forever. You make an offhand remark about wanting something? Next time he’s at the Duke’s, he’ll see if he has any in stock.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When you escaped the village by far, the pair of you in the back of the Duke’s cart as he gets the pair of you away after seeing your home blow up thanks to Ethan. It was the first time that the both of you weren’t on edge or scared that you were seconds away from death, and after the adrenaline of the escape had gone through your system, you were tucked up against his chest, fast asleep as Heisenberg chewed on his cigar, his arm wrapped tightly around you. It was a new beginning for the pair of you, and Heisenberg was excited to see exactly what the world had to offer to the both of you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Incredibly, especially around Alcina and Mother Miranda. The other lords, not so much. He’s close enough to Donna to know that she wasn’t interested in stealing you, she only wanted to be her friend. Moreau was too scared of Heisenberg to try and pull any shit, the Duke was just a friend and he knew it would never go beyond that but everyone else? Is an immediate threat. There would be a lot of tugging you into his lap, keeping you tucked by his side, using his metal to hold you close. There would be a lot of threats and shouting as well as insult throwing if anyone so much as looked at you funny or made a small comment about taking you away, especially at Alcina. He’d try and keep you away from the village and from the family meetings as much as possible, and his hand would never leave your thigh or your waist if you were forced to attend. He’d make it clear that you were off limits to everyone and anyone.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Not much? Maybe after escaping the village he’ll put a little more effort into certain anniversaries but dates are simple affairs, anniversaries don’t mean much to him. He’d rather show his love to you everyday through small tasks to make your life more comfortable than put all his effort into certain dates. Gifts, however, is where he puts most of his energy - he definitely makes most of his gifts for you. Be it something small that he thought you might like during the day to larger gifts that take time, he will make sure every part of it is perfect for you. You don’t get a gift every day, but you do get a gift most weeks.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Smoking in bed is one. He also has a tendency to focus too heavily on his escape plans that sometimes it can feel like you are being neglected. His bathing habits also are rather lacking too. He 100% wakes you up in the middle of the night to rant about something that is bothering him or explain excitedly to you something that he’s discovered or created.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not very - he is, according to him, a naturally handsome sonofabitch, why would he need to worry about his style or be attached to a mirror forever fixing his hair?

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

It’s not so much a feeling of incompleteness because Heisenberg always feels empty and broken, but he definitely notices when you’re not nearby. It’s not like a piece of him is missing, but more like a recognition that something in his space is gone and he misses it and needs it back for him to feel more settled.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He’s autistic. He got his accent from listening to/watching shows on the television in the 50s. Lady D helped raise him and it wasn’t until they had a falling out that they started to hate one another. He didn’t hate Mother Miranda until he was in his 20’s where it became apparent that they were only there because Miranda found some use for them after stumbling into her laboratory and finding her notes on all four of them. He’s also addicted to netflix and loves binge watching whatever he can, especially anything to do with creating/crafting/science. Can speak 3 languages fluently.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn’t like to be fussed over, at least in a way that is blatantly clear that that’s what you’re doing. He is independent to a fault, and refuses to take care of himself - but if you try to do anything to help him without his asking first and it feels like an attempt to mother him? He hates it, with a passion. The longer you know him, the more you’re able to get away with when he knows it's coming from a place of concern, but he can only handle so much because he breaks and his temper flares.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Before escaping the village: He doesn’t sleep much and where he does sleep is wherever he passes out. The man lives off of caffeine, spite and cigars, and the amount of times you’ve found him passed out at one of his many desks is astounding. Best thing to do is cover him up and let him rest because at least he’s sleeping.

After escaping the village: He still doesn’t sleep much, only this time it's due to nightmares of being back in the village under Miranda’s control, or you getting hurt in his attempt to flee. He won’t sleep unless you’re asleep beside him and if that isn’t happening, he either doesn’t sleep at all or works himself to exhaustion so he passes out wherever he may be - just like in the village. He is, however, an octopus when he’s asleep. No matter what position the pair of you fall asleep in, you always end up in some weird tangle of limbs simply because he cannot be close enough to you.

[dragon-kazansky]

Made with love | Helmut Zemo

Chef Zemo AU! 👨‍🍳

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

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Part 4

Helmut wiped down the last of the tables. It was just him and Bucky left at the moment. It was closing time. Bucky counted up the money in the till as Zemo made sure every aspect of his restaurant was clean and tidy for tomorrow.

Once everything was accounted for Bucky went home and Zemo locked up. He tugged his coat around him a little tighter and and began the small journey to his home. However, something caught his eye and he stopped to take it in.

Across the square there was a man standing there, looking in his direction. He couldn't quite tell who it was, but he could take a pretty good guess. There had been rumours of the infamous Tony Stark arriving in Sokovia.

Helmut watched him for a moment before turning and leaving. He had no reason to dwell on it right now.

Zemo went home.

When he opens shop again in the morning, he doesn't see the man again. However, he does see you and Wanda walking, arms interlinked, the pair of you laughing and chatting.

He can't stop himself from looking at you.

Yesterday when he brought up how well you would fit in with Sokovia, he was hoping to maybe spark a slight idea into your head. The fact you were only visiting his country made him feel rather sad. To see you every day, chat with you at the bar, to see you smile, he wanted more of that.

Never before had someone been on his mind this much before.

You and Wanda walk out of sight.

Sam and Bucky enter to start their work day. Zemo goes into the kitchen to prepare for the day.

Wanda takes you to her favourite place, surprised it was even still open. A bowling alley. You chuckle as she drags you through the door and over to the desk.

"Pietro and I would come here all the time," she told you.

"Sounds like you two had a lot of fun."

"Oh, we did. Pietro used to work at Escorpión Morado. I would meet him outside and we would come here."

"Pietro used to work at the restaurant?"

You both are given a pair of bowling shoes each and you go sit down to out them on.

"Yeah, he used to tend the bar. It was his first job. He loved it."

"That explains why he's so good with drinks," you chuckle. Pietro had his own bar back home, often he would make you, Wanda and Natasha drinks on your nights out.

"He learned from the best."

You both stand up and go to your designated alley, thanking the staff for guiding you. Wanda puts your names into the system.

Wing woman

Y/N Zemo

"Wanda!"

She laughs as she confirms the names and stands up. You glare up at the monitor and then glare at her.

"You can scold me all you like, but in going to have you fall in love with that man of it's the last thing I do."

"Wanda, please be realistic about this."

Wanda picks up her preferred ball and steps up to the lane.

"I am," she says, pulling her arm back and lining up her ball.

"No you're not. You want to set me up with a man who lives in a completely different country to me. This is mean."

Wanda throws her ball.

"It's not mean. It's helping. Ever since you came back, I know he has been on your mind. I can tell by the way you talk about him that you like him. I know because it's the same way I talk about Vision. I know love when I see it, Y/N."

She takes another turn.

You sit there, watching her second ball glide down the lane and take out a few more pins, three still standing. The lane resets the pins for you as you swap places with Wanda.

"It's just a silly crush. It will go away."

Wanda resists rolling her eyes at you.

"Do you really think the only reason I came here with you is because I wanted to see my home? Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon to see Sokovia again, but I cane here for you."

You throw the ball and watch it go.

"Why is this so important to you?" You look at her as you grab a second ball.

"Because you never show interest in anyone and suddenly you do. I've been telling you from the start, you'll marry this man one day and you'll be happy with him. You'll be running Escorpión Morado together, you'll see."

You throw your second ball and say nothing to her. You only take down four pins in total. You go sit back down.

"He likes you too, you know. I've seen the way he looks at you. He wants to spend time with you, talk to you, be around you. He likes having you in his restaurant."

Wands stands to take her next turn.

"I like being there," you say, softly.

"Good, we shall go there after we're done here."

You don't even argue with her. You want to go. You want to see him. Wands knows this. You can see the way she looks at you that she knows.

Wanda ends up winning in the end, which does not surprise you if she and her brother spent so much time here when they were younger.

You walk arm in arm to the restaurant. There's a few people about, but it's not crazy busy.

Sam sees you enter and smoothly glides into the kitchen. Zemo is finishing up a dish as he enters. He looks up when sees Sam come over.

"What is it?" He asks, assuming another order.

"Y/N is here with their friend. Thought you might like to take this one," Sam grins.

Normally Zemo would just tell Sam to go back to work and stop messing about, but he knows he wants to see you. He had been thinking of you all morning. He wipes his hands and presents the dish to Sam, who takes it and goes out to serve it.

For a brief moment Zemo pauses and quickly fixes his hair and straightens his shirt. He steps out of the kitchen. Wanda and yourself were sitting at a table near the window.

He smiles when his eyes land on you.

Helmut holds his head high and walks over to your table. Your eyes catch his and you smile softly at him. Wanda is looking at you with a grin on her lips, but he isn't really paying attention to her. He can only look at you.

"How are you today?" He asks, lips curled into a handsome smile, dark eyes glistening with happiness.

"We're good, how are you today?"

"Doing better now my favourite customer is here. What can I get for you both?"

"Coffee?" You ask, nibbling at your lower lip shyly.

His smile was making you feel things.

"Coming up."

He leaves the table and you bury your face in your hands. Wands laughs from across the table.

"You are so in love with him!"

"I am," you admit.

The fact you admitted it makes Wanda smile. She was proud of you for confessing how you felt.

"Maybe there is a life for you out here," she says, deep in thought.

"You really think I should just up and move to another country, leaving you all behind and starting over here?" You look at her.

"Yes. Back home, sure, you have all your friends and your job. Out here, there's him. This man you can't stop thinking about."

You glance over to the bar. Zemo has poured you each a cup of coffee and is coming over. He smiles when he sees you looking at him. You thank him softly when he places the coffee down in front of you.

Before he can say anything, a customer entering the restaurant cat has his attention. Both Wanda and yourself turn to see who had come in.

This man felt like he demanded attention. His suit looked expensive and tailored. There was a presence about him that made him stand out among the other people in the restaurant.

"Who is that?" You hear Wanda ask.

Helmut gives an apologetic smile and excuses himself from you, approaching the man.

You watch him curiously.

"He seems important," Wanda whispers.

"Yeah."

You watch as they shake hands and talk. The stranger gestures to a table and Zemo leads him over to it. They sit down and they chat.

There is something about Helmut's expression that concerns you.

The stranger looks around the room, his eyes hidden by his sunglasses, but you can see the way his lips a pulled into a thing grimace.

You feel offended by his distaste in the establishment. Poor Helmut.

They sit there and chat for several minutes before he gets up and leaves. Helmut looks a little defeated as he stands up and looks over at your table. Upon seeing you looking at him, he smiles and makes his way back over.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. Who was that?" You ask, too curious not to know.

"His name is Tony Stark. Remember that new restaurant I was telling you about?" You nod at his question. "Well, he owns it. He was checking out his competition in the area."

"I don't like him," you say, not really intending to say that out loud.

Helmut chuckles softly.

"Neither do I."

"What did he say?" Wanda asks.

"That he wasn't worried if this place is considered the best in Novi Grad. My restaurant isn't a threat to his business."

You unconsciously clench your fists.

"Your restaurant is the nicest place here. He has no idea what he's talking about. He didn't even try your food."

Helmut grins at your comments.

"No he didn't. Though he intends to come back. I need to cook up something magnificent for his return."

"You can do it. Everything you cook is amazing, Helmut. A lot of care goes into your cooking."

His smile makes you giddy.

"Food tastes best when it's made for enjoyment and not just to satisfy hunger," you tell him, meaning every word of that.

Zemo swears his heart would beat out of his chest if it could. If he wasn't already swooned by you, he would have been now. You had no idea what kind of power you had over him.

"I am always glad to hear it."

Wanda looks between the pair of you and smiles. She quietly excuses herself to go use the bathroom. Neither one of you glance at her as she slips away.

Helmut sits at the table.

"How long do we have?" He asks.

"Wanda and I have a few days left yet. We're not leaving too soon."

"Good," he nods his head. "I'd like to see more of you."

"Really?" You ask, shocked by his words.

"Yes, really."

You smile. Your smile makes him smile. Oh, what he would do to see it every single day of his life. This man was utterly in love with you, but he would be fool to just blurt that out.

Plus, you weren't staying. He would have to say goodbye to you again.

"Maybe Wanda and I could pop back every day. When the coffee is this good, we would be silly not to come back," you drink the last drop from your cup.

"Ah, so it's my coffee you like?"

"The owner isn't so bad either," you say, unable to hold eye contact much longer.

The chuckle that escapes past his lips makes you tingle all over. It's so deep, yet so joyful and pure. A sense of pride washes over you for making him laugh.

"Sokovia will feel so empty when you're gone," he says, softly.

"I will miss it. I have missed it."

"I missed you, you know," he admits.

Your heart stutters. You don't get a chance to say anything as Wanda returns. Zemo is quick to change the topic of conversation, smoothly too.

"Can you cook?"

"Uh, I can cook to feed myself. Wanda is more of a chef than I am, but even she can't compare to your culinary skills."

Wanda was caught off-guard by your statement and Zemo was full of pride again. The more you complimented his cooking, the bigger his ego was inflating.

"Would you like to assist me for Stark's visit tomorrow?"

You stare at him, lips parted, mind whirling in confusion.

"You want my help?"

"Yes. I could teach you."

You glance at Wanda. She nods enthusiastically at you, winking.

"Alright, but please don't let me get in the way. I'd hate to be the reason things go wrong."

He leans forward, lips tugged into a grin.

"I trust you."

You smile softly, finding the table suddenly more interesting than before.

Wanda chuckles softly.

"While you do that I'll go see if my old family home is still there," she says, smiling.

"Are you sure?" You ask her.

"Of course I am."

You smile and turn back to Helmut.

"Then it's settled. We'll show Stark what he's up against."

Zemo smiled brightly.

Just you and him in the kitchen tomorrow. He was going to make every moment count. This might be the most amount of time he will get to spend with you while you're here.

Zemo gets up from his seat and grabs the two empty cups from the table.

"Another?"

Both of you nod.

Zemo goes to get more coffee. While he's gone, Wanda leans across the table and takes your hands into hers.

"Woo that man!"

You laugh.

"I mean it! One day you'll marry him and be the happiest person alive. Maybe you should seriously consider moving out here. I could help you. Maybe I'll find some places for you tomorrow."

"You don't have to do that."

"You're not saying no, though," she grins.

"You're right, I'm not." You glance over to the bar. "I really like him Wanda."

"I know, so let's do something about it."

You nod softly.

Zemo returns, this time with an extra cup. He sits down with you both and asks you to be at the restaurant first thing in the morning. You agree.

From tomorrow onward, you knew things would take a turn. Your life would literally be flipped upside down.

And you were happy to let it happen.

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