#marriage isn't 'dating but more' it's a MASSIVE commitment

[dudedudesworld]

Ramlethal x GNreader

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

To any outsiders that see you two together it might seem like she doesn’t care about you but truthfully she’s both too shy and unsure with herself on how to show her affection. She goes to Elphelt to get some information on what to do to show you her affection. Unfortunately for her everything Elphelt recommends is over the top and something she doesn’t really see herself doing so she goes for Dizzy instead. For her anything you do is enough to make her blush and get her heart racing. Quality time is something she appreciates the most though especially if you take her out to places she hasn’t been to before. With that she is able to study and learn more about her emotions, it also makes her happy being taken out to places and being treated to nice food (burgers it's always burgers).

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

She would be silent but caring in her own way. Constantly inviting you out to try new burger joints with her or simply asking you questions she doesn’t feel like her sister or other family/friends could answer for her. These are all things she would do in a romantic relationship anyway.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

At the start of the relationship you would need to initiate any sort of physical affection. At first she simply didn’t show any signs of wanting to be held and you respected her space but soon enough she would start dropping small hints your way. You two would be watching a romantic movie, something she recommended for studying and the love interests would hold each other in a tender embrace, during this scene Ramlethal would begin to sneak a few glances at you. Catching the hint you would open your arms and she would walk over and simply drop into your embrace, placing her head onto your chest and curling up into a ball. It's hard for her to express her needs and wants but she loves being held by you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Ramlethal can't really make a decision like this just yet with her more limited knowledge of everything. Though from what Elphlet has Explained to her the idea of settling down isn't something she’s against in fact she kinda likes the idea just needs more time before she can make it. She does treat you as a second parent with her dog.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

She would be blunt and straightforward with her breakup. For her to really lose interest in someone after opening up you must have done something wrong by her. She wouldn’t show much emotion breaking up with you but would probably be more emotional by herself or with Elphelt.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

For Ramlethal, opening herself up and learning about others is massively important and so is this relationship with you. To put it simply, you're locked in. She usually does what she sees Ky and Dizzy do together and tries to replicate that so she treats your relationship as if you were already married. She wants to experience everything with you and she hopes it stays that way, might not even realize the real difference between simply dating and marriage.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Ramlethal is aware of her own strength and the fact that she could crush you instantly. Even though she knows that she could, she would never do anything that could harm you and treats you gently. She always tries to be kind when talking with you. Do expect a lot of questions about your hobbies, likes and dislikes.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

She loves being hugged but won't initiate it at the beginning of the relationship and would need you to pick up on her cues. But once she starts becoming comfortable in the relationship she would begin to initiate the hugs. Her hugs are tight and secure. If you're taller than her she rests her head on your chest and holds you close but if you're shorter than her she rests her chin on top of your head.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

She doesn’t say it for a long time, even when she knows she loves you it's still something she stops herself from saying out loud. She doesn’t really understand why she waits. But when she feels ready she asks for you to meet her in her room because she has something important to tell you.

“I never really understood why my heart would race when near you, or why my heart tightened when I saw you speak with another, but…. I know that I love you and I want you to know that as well” You have never seen her smile that bright before.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

She gets silently jealous. She won't say anything and it's only something she will admit or talk about if you ask her about it. The first time she ever got jealous was when she brought you to meet her sister and Sin. Elphelt wasn’t aware that either of you were seeing each other and asked you to marry her. Ramlethal gave her the silent treatment for 2 days. She doesn’t understand her jealousy at first but later understands the feeling more when she speaks to Dizzy about the heaviness she felt when the incident happened. But if someone is openly flirting with you she just appears in the middle of the both of you and asks the person to leave you alone.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

She gives small quick kisses at first, later down the line she starts giving longer more aggressive kisses. She’s needy in the way she kisses, grasping at your face, licking and sucking on your lips. When she gets really into it she might bite your lips which gives you quite a scare especially with those sharp teeth of hers. She likes kissing your lips most and likes it when you kiss her shoulders especially if she's curled herself into a ball while you're cuddling with her.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

She is fine when it comes to interacting with children. Plays around with them in a child-like way and simply goes along with their wishes. Doesn’t mind the idea of having them just gets scared at the idea of losing an eye.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

She’s silent when she wakes up. Trying not to make any sudden noises or movements to wake you up but when there’s no missions for her you go to she likes to simply lay down and stare at you till you wake up.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

In bed watching TV with blankets and snacks, usually just dozing off to sleep with the TV still on whatever movie you both decided to binge.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

At the start of the relationship she opens up about mostly everything about herself other than her past. But once she truly comes to realize how much she loves you the dam breaks and she starts to tell you everything about, from the universal will to her true nature as a valentine, she just vents out everything she’s been wanting to tell you since the beginning. If you hear all of this and stay by her side then you will have a very happy girlfriend

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

She’s very patient with you and in turn you have to be patient with her.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?

She remembers everything about you. You mentioned a food you liked once she will get it for you. Do you like this book series? She’s gonna read the entire series at night just to talk to you about it. Everything you say or she can dig up will be memorized perfectly.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

For your first month anniversary (Elphelt told Ramlethal how much of an accomplishment this was and she wanted to do something for it) you both planned to visit every burger joint you could find and eat at. Seeing you plan something like that for her made her feel like her heart was about to burst. The entire night she had her eyes on you (and the burgers ) you could practically feel the love radiating off of her.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

She knows the strength difference between the both of you. She does everything to protect you, if there's an enemy nearby she always stands in front of you to make sure you're safe. Inturn she enjoys having you check up on her after she has been in a battle.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

She gives it her all no matter what holiday it is. She might not fully understand it all but she does her best to research everything that she can do for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

She doesn’t understand much when it comes to emotions/feelings and can’t really express herself in the way she would want. At times you might think she doesn’t really like you and she wouldn’t truly be able to pick up on that and would need outside help such as Elphelt and Dizzy (mostly Dizzy). But she always tries to make it up to and promises to learn more and be better as expressing how much you mean to her.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

She doesn’t put much work into her appearance, just a natural beauty. Though her sister tends to help her pick more stylish clothing.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Once you become a huge part of her life she enjoys having you by her side 24/7. Everytime you go over to visit her she always offers to let you stay the night (in an innocent manner). She wants you to be near her all the time to see everything she sees.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

She sometimes catches herself talking about you towards her friends and family. If someone brings up something that relates to something the both of you have done together she would bring it into the conversation and soon completely take over the conversation. Most people are fine with her doing this, Elphelt and Sin love seeing her happy so it doesn’t bother them.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Basic things for her. Someone that is a jackass or borderline jerk. She doesn’t have much specifics.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

She sleeps like a rock. It takes a long time for her to actually get into the motion of cuddling especially with another person. The dog definitely sleeps in the bed with the both of you.

[fundielicious-simblr]

🌲🍁🥧 Harvestfest 🌲🍁🥧

(Valentina's POV)(AN: These next few posts out to be LONG since there's so many kids)

This year we all made the trip to my parents house for Harvestfest, every year the family grows by a few that it's hard to believe that 10 years ago none of us were married and all 10 of us lived at home. 10 years later there's 6 of us married (with 2 on the road to marriage), and 16 grandchildren with a few more on the way! It's all proof of God's endless goodness and undeserved kindness in our lives! We decided to do an all grandkids picture so my parents can update the framed pictures they've got (and so my mum can have an updated picture to boast about all her grandbabies on Simbook 😂) Trying to get all the kids to stand still was definitely a massive effort, there were almost 15 of us standing behind the camera making noises and waving toys to keep their attention. The older kids did great at crowd control, we just had to move quick so no one started crying, because one crying child sets them all off and it would've been disaster.

My parents have been loving having all of us at home again, my mum has been prepping for the past week to have us descend on her house. She's in the last few years of homeschooling the twins, and once that's done then she'll be able to retire herself as a homeschool mum. Dad is still running his tech business, and when mum isn't homeschooling she's actively working on her music as she has commitments to teach at various music camps. Zachary missed Kelsey this Harvestfest, she had arrangements with her family but they'll be seeing each other soon after so he'll be travelling back to Brindleton Bay with us.

The Paulson Family: Carter (32) and Madelynn (29), with Lester (7), Fitzwilliam (2), and Alana (1)

Carter and his family are doing great! Carter continues to work for Willowcreek PD, there's been mention of him transferring out to move back to Newcrest but it's a decision that they're praying on right now. Madelynn is homeschooling Lester through a homeschool co-op, so the other two get to tag along and hang out with the other kids whilst their older brother learns. Little Alana definitely keeps the family on their toes, she's just like her cousins and loves a good runaround!

The Townsend Family: Aria (8), Valentina (29), Abbott (2), Adele (1), Eric (32), Ansel (7), with Asher (2) and Abigail (1) in the front

We're very thankful for each other and for our little (or not to little) family! I'm so thankful that the Lord has blessed us with a family that has filled our hearts and our home, Eric and I thank the Lord everyday for his blessings on us.

The Paulson Family: Alan (28), Tessa (23), Charity (3), Edgar (2), Jonathan (11m)

Alan and Tessa still live in San Myshuno and are raising their 3 beautiful children. Alan continues to work as a critic whilst Tessa stays home to watch the kids. Their family are always so encouraging in our various group chats, and they're always keeping us up to date with the on-goings of the pro-life ministry they work with. Tessa is always in Willowcreek to see her parents and her twin sister Tabitha (who is married to cousin Tanner), so the cousins (both 3rd and 4th generation) are always getting to see each other.

Celeste (27) and Reid (25) have much to be thankful for - they're engaged! Reid proposed a few days before Harvestfest and Celeste was overjoyed. The couple have already planned for a winter wedding before Christmas time, so Celeste has used the opportunity of having us all at home to immediately ask all of us sisters and as well as our sister-in-laws Madelynn and Tessa to be in her bridal party. Reid's parents video called our parents so they could greet the couple together when they got back to my parents house. Celeste is over the moon to be engaged and can hardly wait to be married!

The Crocker Family: Gregory (28), Kristyn (25), Kayla (2), and Wyatt (3m)

The highlight of the year for Kristyn and her family was when little Wyatt joined them! Kayla is enamoured by her little brother and the family thank the Lord for his safe arrival. Gregory continues to work as a lawyer with his father's firm, and Kristyn now has two kids to keep her occupied.

The Crawford Family: Tucker (26), Sabrina (25), and Campbell (1)

The Crawfords are ecstatic to be expecting to use another blessing from the Lord, Sabrina is almost in her second trimester and they're almost able to find out the baby's gender. By next easter they're going to have a new member of the family to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord in the spring! Sabrina said they'd announce baby's gender when we're next all together for Celeste's wedding. Little Campbell is such a smart little boy who is working towards gaining more skills, since they're around animals a lot he's great at recognition.

The Paulson Family: Jarrod (21), Madison (19), and Myles (1)

Jarrod and Madison announced to the family that they're also expecting - and its twins! They've recently found out and Madison already has the cutest little bump, little Myles doesn't understand yet but he's about to get a 2 for 1 deal on siblings and be a big brother two times over. Madison is going through the motions of a twin pregnancy, thankfully for her she's got me and my mother who have experienced multiple pregnancies more than once, with the way twins run in the family I'd be shocked if we didn't get any more twin pregnancies.

[alj4890]

No Time Like the Present

(Tobias Carrick x MC*Chris Valentine) in an Open Heart request

A/N For @jerzwriter 🤗 I love that you sent me all those scene ideas for this pair 😂 Hope you like where I went with this. I totally missed the rewrite challenge 🤦🏻‍♀️ but I couldn't resist the chance to use the confession scene from Love Actually for a drabble. I changed it up quite a bit, but why wouldn't I for Tobias 😉 And yes, I kept it at Christmas because that is all I'm dreaming of with this massive heat wave 😂

@jerzwriter @hopelessromantic1352 @choicesficwriterscreations @trappedinfanfiction @twinkleallnight @tessa-liam @kyra75 @coffeeheartaddict2

Masterlist

November 23...

"You want to split an appetizer?" Tobias asked.

Chris nodded.

He glanced at her over his menu. She was unusually quiet. In fact, she had been for over a week. His eyebrows drew together as he studied her. After being friends and working together for nearly two years now, he believed he'd become rather well versed in Dr. Christy Valentine's personality.

He set his menu down, folded his arms on the table and leaned forward.

Chris looked up. A hint of smile tugged at her lips as she met those mesmerizing eyes of his.

"What?" She asked, unable to take another moment of heavy scrutiny.

"What's on that mind of yours?" He asked.

"Umm," her lips trembled with laughter. "Lunch?"

He shook his head. "Try again."

"Tobias." Chris sighed his name.

"Chris." He mimicked.

"Nothing is on my mind." She went back to looking at her menu.

Tobias propped his chin on his fist and continued to stare at her.

Chris narrowed her eyes at him.

"Stop." She warned.

"Not until you talk to me." He argued.

"I am talking to you!" She exclaimed.

"Not about what's wrong." He pointed out. "I thought you insisted we share everything, including troubles, in this friendship of ours."

Chris tossed the menu to the side, crossed her arms, and pointedly looked away from him.

"I have the patience of Job." He told her with his typical smirk. "I'll sit here for as long as it takes. Then I'll follow you around at work until you talk to me. If you persist on being silent, I'll follow you home."

Chris couldn't contain her laughter over the thought of him doing that very thing.

"Ethan's right." She teased. "You really are a pain in the arse."

"A title I love to exploit." He grinned to see her smile once more.

He hadn't realized how long he'd gone without seeing that.

"Okay." Chris lowered her eyes, smile dimming as she prepared to launch into an explanation. "The thing is, I'm wondering what's wrong with me."

"Wrong?" His brow furrowed. "Are you sick?"

She shook her head. "It isn't anything physical. I meant, relationship wise."

Tobias blinked.

"You're the last person I should be telling this to." Chris teased, giggling over the shock on his face.

"No, no!" He recovered. "I'm confused."

"That's an understatement."

He rolled his eyes. "I don't understand why you think something is wrong with you, relationship wise." He reached for his glass. "You've always managed to attract people."

"That's not what I'm talking about." She ran her fingers through her hair. "My problem is commitment."

Tobias choked on his drink.

"I can't find someone willing to commit," she went on, "to me."

Chris bit down on her bottom lip. She lowered her eyes from his and began to trace the condensation building around the base of her glass.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked. "Do I give out some sort of vibe that makes me undesirable for the long term?"

"No." Tobias said softly. "The vibe you give out definitely does not do that."

He reached across the table and placed his hand over hers. He waited until she finally looked up at him to speak again.

"You're a forever girl." He told her.

"A what?"

"A forever girl." He smiled at her. "Most of the men you've been dating aren't looking for that. They know, deep down, that you're the type that the whole marriage and family institution was created for."

"That's my vibe?" She blinked over that.

"You're the whole package." He told her. "Brains, beauty, and heart."

Color stained her cheeks in hearing him say that.

"Then why won't they commit?" She asked once she absorbed his take on her.

"Because they don't want that. They're not ready to settle down. The last few guys you've gone out with, you met at bars. They were probably hoping you would be open to, well..." He gestured towards her.

"To just sex?" She finished for him.

It tickled her how often he couldn't seem to say sex around her when they talked seriously.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "You'll find your forever man one day."

"Maybe." She muttered. "I don't feel so sure about it."

Chris stared off in the distance as she considered the men she'd found herself attracted to.

"I think it's my fault." She mumbled. "I seem to fall for the emotionally distant types. Then I expect them to feel and want all I do."

"They're stupid." He told her. "Anybody would be lucky to have a future with you."

She refocused on him. "You think so?"

"I do." He smiled at her. "And you know I don't lie, at least not to you."

"Only stretch the truth as far as you can." She smiled at him.

"A guy has to have some self-preservation around you, Chris." Tobias teased.

"I suppose." She grimaced. "I can't believe I told you this."

"Why?"

"Because!" Heat rose up her face. "I...don't know why, it's just..."

She shook her head. "Forget it. I'm embarrassed over sharing and for what's been happening the last few months on my dates. That's all."

"Chris?" Tobias tried to get her to look at him.

"I'm okay." She waved their waiter over. "I promise. I'll let it go."

"Do you want my advice?" He asked.

"I suppose that's why I opened up to you." She chuckled to relieve the unusual tension that had fallen between them. "Dr. Carrick? In your medical opinion, how do I cure this foolish heart of mine?"

"I prescribe a change." He told her.

"A change?" Her smile grew. "Could you be a little more specific?"

Tobias noticed his beeper vibrating. "I think I could, but it'll have to wait. We need to eat and get back to the hospital as soon as we can."

***************

That evening, Chris finished putting up her artificial Christmas tree. Being her first year living alone, she went all out in decorating her new home. She'd saved her tree for last since it had always been her favorite part of the holidays. She went ahead and added the lights, then decided to finish putting ornaments on it later. She was too tired to try and be in a festive mood.

Chris fell back upon her couch to watch her ceiling slowly change colors with the twinkle lights set on the lowest speed.

Her day seemed longer than usual. Perhaps it was her own fault. She'd had the conversation with Tobias going on repeat in the back of her mind ever since they parted ways at the hospital.

Why did I confide in him of all people? What must he think of me? He probably thinks I'm his pathetic friend now. Why did I open up like that?!

"I need a new hobby." She mumbled to herself. "Or an actual relationship so I'm not focused on how I could handle myself differently in the past."

****************

A week later, Chris actually met someone who seemed to want what she wanted. Eric was a Professor of Mathematics at Boston University who brought his father into the emergency room late one night. After reassuring them that the chest pain was indigestion, he'd taken a chance and asked her out.

Chris accepted without any hesitation. Eric was was nice and she hoped he would end up breaking the trend she seemed to have with men. Plus it didn't hurt that he was cute.

He seemed even more perfect in being a man she didn't work with on a daily basis.

Their first date went great. The two sat over dinner, talking about themselves and their families. Chris didn't even notice the late hour until Eric winced and mentioned he'd meant to take her to a movie. She found him endearing in his teasing that he hoped she didn't take him being distracted by her as a bad thing and would agree to another date.

The next morning, Eric sent a bouquet of flowers to the hospital.

Chris was with a patient when they arrived. Ethan eyed the vase filled with a variety of flowers with a slight frown when they were brought to the diagnostic office.

Tobias walked in, whistling a cheerful tune.

"Good morning." He noticed the bouquet in the middle of the table. "Redecorating?"

Ethan snorted. "If I were, I'd pick anything other than flowers."

Tobias chuckled as he reached for the card.

"Those belong to Chris." Ethan told him.

"Oh?" Tobias held the folded note. "Who from?"

"I don't know." Ethan grumbled.

"Aren't you curious?" Tobias asked.

"I'm curious about a great many things in this world." Ethan sat down and began to go through the files on his desk. "But I've learned to keep out of Chris's private affairs."

"It must not be too private if flowers are being sent to the office." Tobias pointed out.

He opened the paper to see who sent them.

"Put the card down." Ethan snapped. "It isn't addressed to you." He glared at Tobias. "If Chris wishes to share who sent those with you, she will."

"Who's Eric?" Tobias ignored Ethan's grumblings about a lack of privacy in this office.

"Hmm." Ethan quickly read the card over Tobias's shoulder. "I don't think I recall hearing that name before."

"Eric is the man I went out with last night."

The two whirled around to see Chris with her arms folded, eyeing them in amusement.

"You two are worse than teenage girls." She plucked the card from Tobias's fingers.

A smile curved her lips over the sweet sentiment Eric had written.

"So?" Tobias propped his hip on the table. "You going to see this man again?"

"I am." She tucked the card in her pocket. "We have plans for this weekend."

"And what do we know about him?" Tobias prodded.

Chris shook with laughter. "We know enough to say yes to a second date."

"Can we focus on work now?" Ethan bit out.

"Yes, of course, all mighty leader." Tobias pulled a chair out for Chris then one for himself beside her. "We will pretend we have no life or interests outside of this hospital for the next twelve hours."

Ethan humphed, a slight frown forming as he delved into the case files he'd been given.

*****************

The next day...

"Hey." Tobias smiled once he caught up with Chris. "Want to grab some lunch with your favorite doctor?"

"I thought Sienna was off today." Chris teased.

"Ha." Tobias draped his arms along her shoulders. "We'll pretend you know I'm the favorite in that heart of yours."

She laughed, shaking her head. "As for lunch, thanks, but I've got plans."

"Oh?"

"Eric called and asked me to meet him at a diner between here and the University." She explained, checking the time. "I should probably get going if I'm to meet him on time."

"Enjoy yourself." Tobias told her.

"I'll see you in a little while." She waved while hurrying off.

His smile slowly disappeared once she got into the elevator.

*****************

Locker room, nearly two weeks later...

Tobias whistled. "Wow."

Chris did a slow twirl.

"That is some dress." He admired her figure clad in red velvet an extra second. "What's the occasion?"

"Eric invited me to the ballet this evening." She explained.

"Ah." He turned towards his locker.

Chris's brow furrowed at that unusual response. Typically, Tobias would say more about how she looked and tease her about her date. Right now though, he seemed almost cold.

Nothing at all like the man she knew.

"You okay?" She asked.

"I'm fine." He muttered. "It's been a long day."

She stepped closer and gently patted his back. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" He shut the locker door a little too hard, making her jump.

Her eyes widened. "I only meant I'm sorry you're worn out."

"I'm not worn out." He corrected. "I'm only tired."

Her shrewd gaze caused him to look away.

"You should probably get going." He told her, pulling his shirt off. "You don't want to be late."

Her eyes flickered to his bare chest. "You're right." She attempted to summon her earlier excitement about her date. "'Night."

"Night." He slumped down to the bench once she left the room.

"That was awkward."

Tobias glared at Ethan coming around another set of lockers.

The tall, lanky doctor took the bench across from him, loosely clasped his hands together, and leaned forward.

"I knew you and I had a lot in common when we were younger, I didn't expect us to still have some similarities."

"What are you talking about?" Tobias asked.

"Chris." Ethan answered. "You're in love with her."

Tobias burst out laughing. "What?"

Ethan rolled his eyes. "It's so obvious."

Tobias stilled. "I'm not in love."

"Really? Because you have all the symptoms of a man jealous over losing his love to someone else." Ethan argued.

"Come on." Tobias scoffed. "You know me. I'm not the kind who falls in love, especially not with someone like Chris."

"I agree." Ethan smirked. "Which is why you are messing up the relationship you already have with her."

"Can I not be tired and grouchy?" Tobias grumbled. "God knows you are most of the time."

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Look, she's only dating the man right now. Given how often he invites her out, you do not have much time to admit your feelings before she gets serious about Eric."

Tobias sputtered, unable to find a decent argument against all that Ethan said.

"As someone who botched not only how I handled my feelings for Chris but also with the timing of it all, you should go after her and admit how you feel." Ethan added. "And this is the only time I'll warn you that you could lose her if you continue to sit there in denial."

Tobias stared dumbfounded at him as Ethan left for the night.

*****************

Later that night...

Chris kicked her heels off the moment she walked inside her home. Sighing in relief, she made her way over to her sofa and collapsed upon it. She propped her aching feet up on the arm of her couch and tried to regain the feeling in her toes.

She'd had a nice time with Eric once again. All their meetups and dates went just how one would expect. Each date ended in a tender kiss that should have made her heart race.

Sadly though, she was struggling to feel anything other than fondness for the professor.

Time, she thought to herself, time will help me to appreciate Eric more and to not wish for things that can never be.

She didn't know why her heart kept yearning for someone who showed absolutely no attraction towards her. Hadn't she already gone through something like this with Ethan years ago?

Why would she begin to torment herself with thoughts of--

The sound of the doorbell ringing made Chris roll off the couch in surprise. She glanced about to make sure everything was neat, or at least as much as it could be, before walking towards her door.

Her eyes widened at the sight of the doctor she saw through the small window.

"Hey," she greeted, "what are you--"

Tobias motioned for her to be quiet.

Chris's brow furrowed as he hit play on his phone. Some instrumental Christmas music began to fill the air, making this seem even more surreal.

He then picked up a set of poster boards.

The first one asked was she alone.

"I am. Why don't you come in-"

He quickly dropped two more poster boards and held the next where she could read it.

I need you to just listen.

Chris folded her arms and gave a nod of understanding.

He briefly grinned then revealed the next board.

I see you.

"I should hope so." Chris teased. "I am directly in front of you."

Tobias rolled his eyes, then motioned for her to be quiet. His next board said.

I knew you wouldn't be able to just listen. What I meant is that I see you and all the qualities you possess that makes you, you.

He continued to reveal board after board that listed all that made Chris special. Her beauty, her incredible mind, and her tender heart were all gone into great detail.

Chris covered her mouth a few times as she fought back tears over the sweet way he saw her.

Tobias watched her expressive face as he basically laid his heart before her. He wished now he hadn't told her to keep quiet. He could feel his doubt grow that this was a good way of telling her what he knew was true about Chris and how he felt about her.

After Ethan's eye opening revelations, Tobias decided on his drive home that he wasn't going to be like him and let her slip away. He wasn't going to be a bitter man working side by side with the woman he cared for without at least seeing where it could go.

He knew he had to take a chance and revealed the final board.

All these things that make you who you are stole my heart. I don't know when it happened, but I can't keep quiet about it any longer.

Chris lifted her eyes to his. She waited on him to say something.

He swallowed, then spoke.

"I want you." He said softly. "I want to be with you. I want to love you. I want the world to see that you chose to be with me."

Tobias hesitated. "I know you have Eric in your life and he..."

He dropped his head forward, took a deep breath, and finally said what he hoped.

"I know this might feel like it came out of nowhere, but I hope you might return my feelings some--"

His heart stopped beating the moment Chris's lips touched his. He clutched her close as the tender kiss deepened. Her chilled fingers brushed against his stubbled jaw in a sweet caress when the kiss came to an end.

"I don't think you'll have to wait on me returning those feelings." She murmured.

[the-starry-seas]

So I was thinking about Transformers' romantic traditions, words I never expected to type out, and ended up with a bunch of theories about dating, courtship, and weddings/marriages. How? Truly, idk

Canonically there is a courtship ritual, composed of four acts, called the Conjunx Ritus. The four acts are those of intimacy, disclosure, profference (gift-giving), and devotion. Generally good foundations for a relationship with a potential spouse, aka Conjunx Endurae!

Except why are Transformers couples only expected to display these traits if they expect to get married to their partner? Surely they're the kind of thing you want in any kind of long-term relationship, whether it be platonic, familial, queerplatonic, romantic, whatever.

What if the four acts are different than the four rites?

There's three 'stages' of a romantic relationship. Casual dating can become official courtship which can become marriage. The stages progress in seriousness and commitment level from "let's see what happens and if we have fun together" to "you're my lifelong ride-or-die, don't go where I can't follow".

The four acts are expected during casual dating, at some point. If you can't be intimate, honest, and devoted with your partner, and don't know them well enough to give them a personalised gift, maybe you should slow down and get to know each other a little more instead of just going YEAH BABY LET'S GET HITCHED.

When bots announce their intent to begin a courtship, it's up to their social circle to decide if the two have displayed the four acts in the casual phase. A courtship doesn't require any outside approval to happen, but it's easier to handle naysayers if their friends agree that they're in sync and a good match for each other. And if everyone who knows them goes hey bud, maybe don't, it's expected that they sit down and listen.

Courtship is when the rites happen, as opposed to the acts of casual dating. Same principles, but expected to be more serious this time around. Disclosure for example: an act of disclosure is something you wouldn't tell just anyone, but is relatively minor, like a childhood fear you grew out of but don't want to be teased about. Rite of disclosure, on the other hand, would be talking about a serious mistake that's haunted you ever since you made it.

Back when Cybertron was still around, courtship was expected to last a set length of time, at least a year. Part of the reason why is similar to old-fashioned wedding banns. Announced courtships are put in a registry, and it's expected that a year is enough time for anyone with objections to find out and say something.

(This part is a little different on Earth, where there's a grand total of like... ten bots, and the registry is no longer accessible, if it exists. It does still take a while, so the rites can be spaced out, instead of all four happening at once and being overwhelming. Pacing was part of tradition on Cybertron too! But unless a couple wants to, waiting a year is no longer required and rarely socially expected.)

Plans for a proposal and wedding are finalised during courtship. At some point during or after the courtship, they exchange marriage token. This is done in private, and when one is offered, the other is given immediately after. If a token is somehow stolen, they will stop at nothing to retrieve it, even risking their (and others') safety. It's not required for both tokens to be the same. The items are agreed upon in advance, but details are often kept a surprise.

If a public wedding is wanted, a date is chosen and preparations are made before the courtship reaches its official end date. Sometimes there's a massive party that may even allow walk-ins, but sometimes there isn't any celebration whatsoever. Weddings do not necessarily mark the end of a courtship, and may take place months, years, or even decades after the courtship has ended. A shorter timeline is, however, common.

The constant, in ceremonies, is an exchange of vows and then of sparks. Showing where one's spark chamber is, never mind opening it, is the ultimate show of trust. Unguarded by an unprepared bot, a spark could be destroyed in seconds. This is done after the vows, and public ceremony if there is one, in the privacy of the now-married couple's honeymoon suite or their own home.

It's even more trusting and intimate to actually give part of your spark to your new Conjunx Endurae. A piece of your soul is absorbed into theirs, unable to ever be separated from them or taken back by you - and subtly altering the colour of their spark to forever include the colour of yours.

Regardless of what public ceremony or legal procedure may happen, it's the exchange of sparks that is socially considered the 'real' mark of marriage. Nothing can be more permanent or intimate than the creation of literal soulmates.

[techhy-simpson]

The Pros and Cons of Staff Augmentation: Is It Right for Your Business?

Picture this: You're the captain of a ship, and suddenly, you spot a massive wave heading your way. You need all hands on deck, but your crew is stretched thin. What do you do? In the business world, that wave could be a sudden influx of projects, a new market opportunity, or a skill gap that needs filling pronto. Enter staff augmentation – your potential lifeline in choppy waters.

But before we dive in, let's get one thing straight: staff augmentation isn't a magic wand. It's more like a Swiss Army knife – incredibly useful in many situations, but not always the right tool for every job. So, buckle up, fellow business navigators! We're about to embark on a journey through the pros and cons of staff augmentation to help you decide if it's the right move for your business.

The Sunny Side: Pros of Staff Augmentation

Flexibility: The Chameleon Effect

In today's business world, adaptability is key. Staff augmentation is like having a wardrobe full of different outfits for every occasion. Need a Java developer for three months? Check. A UX designer for a quick project? Double-check. It's all about having the right people at the right time, without the long-term commitment.

Think of it as dating before marriage. You get to "try out" different skill sets and personalities without putting a ring on it. And let's face it, in the fickle world of business needs, that's a pretty sweet deal.

Skill Infusion: The Talent Cocktail

Ever felt like your team needed a shot of espresso to wake up their skill set? Staff augmentation is like adding a splash of top-shelf liquor to your talent cocktail. You get access to specialized skills that might be missing from your in-house team.

Imagine you're building a house. Your team is great at laying foundations and putting up walls, but suddenly you need an expert in smart home technology. Instead of sending your team back to school, you bring in a smart home guru to get the job done. Voila! Instant expertise without the long-term training costs.

Cost-Effectiveness: The Budget Whisperer

Let's talk money, honey. Full-time employees come with a host of hidden costs – benefits, training, office space, and don't even get me started on the coffee budget! Staff augmentation lets you sidestep many of these costs, thats why stop thinking and hire a remote developer.

It's like renting a sports car for a weekend instead of buying one. You get the thrill of the ride without the long-term maintenance headaches. Plus, you can allocate your budget more precisely to the exact skills and time you need.

Speed: The Time Warp

In business, time is often more precious than money. Traditional hiring can feel like watching paint dry – slow and not particularly exciting. Staff augmentation, on the other hand, is like stepping into a time machine.

Need a team of developers yesterday? With the right augmentation partner, you could have a crack team assembled faster than you can say "agile methodology." It's like ordering fast food for your project – quick, satisfying, and no dishes to wash afterward.

Focus on Core Business: The Zen Master

By bringing in external talent for specific tasks or projects, your core team can stay focused on what they do best. It's like hiring a babysitter so you can have a date night – everyone gets to do what they're best at.

This laser focus can lead to improved productivity and innovation in your core business areas. After all, a chef shouldn't be worrying about fixing the plumbing – they should be creating culinary masterpieces!

The Cloudy Side: Cons of Staff Augmentation

Cultural Fit: The Square Peg in a Round Hole

Bringing in temporary staff can sometimes feel like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. They might not fully grasp your company culture or work style, leading to potential friction or misunderstandings.

It's like inviting a stranger to a family dinner. They might be perfectly nice, but they don't know all the inside jokes or why Uncle Bob always sits at the head of the table. This can sometimes lead to a sense of "us vs. them" if not managed properly.

Knowledge Retention: The Leaky Bucket

When augmented staff leave, they take their knowledge with them. It's like pouring water into a leaky bucket – you're constantly having to refill it.

This can be particularly challenging if the augmented staff were working on critical projects. You might find yourself in a situation where you've solved one problem but created another – a knowledge gap in your permanent team.

Security Concerns: The Open Door Policy

Bringing in external staff means giving them access to your systems and potentially sensitive information. It's like giving a house key to a housesitter – necessary, but not without risks.

While most augmentation providers have strict security protocols, the risk is never zero. You'll need to be vigilant about data protection and intellectual property rights.

Management Overhead: The Juggling Act

Managing a mix of permanent and augmented staff can sometimes feel like herding cats. Different contracts, different expectations, different everything!

It's like being a conductor of an orchestra where half the musicians are permanent and half are temps. Getting everyone to play in harmony can require some serious management skills.

Long-Term Cost: The Slow Burn

While staff augmentation can be cost-effective in the short term, it can become expensive if used as a long-term solution. It's like eating out every night – great for a while, but not so great for your wallet in the long run.

For ongoing needs, it might be more cost-effective to hire permanent staff or invest in training your existing team.

So, Is Staff Augmentation Right for Your Business?

The million-dollar question! Like most things in business (and life), the answer is: it depends. Staff augmentation can be a powerful tool in your business arsenal, but it's not a one-size-fits-all solution.

Consider staff augmentation if:

You need specialized skills for a specific project or time period

You're facing a sudden increase in workload

You want to test new roles before making permanent hires

You need to scale quickly without long-term commitment

Maybe think twice if:

You're looking for long-term, consistent roles

Your projects require deep institutional knowledge

You have serious concerns about data security

Your company culture is particularly unique or crucial to your work

The Bottom Line

Staff augmentation is like a Swiss Army knife in your business toolkit. It's versatile, handy, and can get you out of a tight spot. But just like you wouldn't use a Swiss Army knife to cut down a tree, it's not always the right tool for every job.

The key is to assess your specific needs, weigh the pros and cons, and make an informed decision. And remember, the business world is all about adaptability. What works today might not work tomorrow, so stay flexible and keep reassessing.

So, dear business captain, are you ready to augment your crew for the next big wave? The seas of opportunity await – just make sure you've got the right crew on board for the journey!

[bestworstcase]

I just find the way the show frames it in Season 2... strange. I understand the danger in the situation you brought up in the tags, but- she does love Eugene. Why is this about her freedom as if marriage ties you down?

Maybe it’s my own misunderstanding of marriage

the thing though is like. even a perfectly normal and well-adjusted 18/19-year-old is in a period of major transition + self discovery. at that time of life you’re just starting to figure out who you are and what kind of adult you’re going to be and what you’re gonna do with your life! you’re stepping out of childhood and into adulthood. 

as a comparison, replace “marriage” with “buying your forever house.” imagine asking an eighteen year old to take out loans and get a mortgage for a house that they’re gonna live in for the rest of their lives. 

sure they might love the house. and sure they might be the rare teenager who knows exactly what they want out of life and if they can get it so early, more power to ’em. but for the average teen? like that’s not... a reasonable expectation, and if you took a normal 18/19 year old and asked them how their house search was going and if they were ready to settle down in their forever house you’re gonna get the deer in headlights look. because teenagers aren’t, in general, emotionally ready for that kind of huge, life-defining decision. 

[i mean just look at how common it is for kids to switch majors halfway through school, or switch schools even! i’m the odd one out in my friend group in that i picked a school that i loved right off the bat, chose my major freshman year the first day i was allowed to do so, stuck with both those choices for four years, and then graduated happy with my choices and still have zero regrets. my best friend went through three schools before she found one that worked for her; my sister did community college then one year at one university then a gap year that became a gap two years before finishing her BA at a second university and graduating this spring, at age 25. because she had to figure out what she wanted and that was hard! and this sort of thing is both very normal and good and healthy.]

marriage is the same. you’re picking someone and making a legal commitment to be with them for the rest of your life, and yeah divorce is an option but it’s one that is financially and emotionally burdensome and, especially if there’s kids in the mix, you will still be dealing with the fallout of a divorce for years to come. marriage is not something that is easy to change your mind about. that’s a lot to put on a kid’s shoulders, even under the best of circumstances. [and it does sometimes work out: my mom was nineteen when she met my dad, and they’ve been married almost thirty years. there’s always exceptions]

and this goes triple for rapunzel, because she is an 18/19 year old who grew up in a horrifically abusive home where she wasn’t allowed to have any independence at all, then found out that her mother was actually HER KIDNAPPER and got dumped into the role of princess with no transition period whatsoever—literally her whole life got turned upside-down and she’s having to relearn EVERYTHING she thought she knew about her life, on top of the normal teenager thing of figuring herself and her life out. 

she’s a little steadier on her feet in s2, but she’s also caught up in fulfilling this destiny she didn’t choose, and she’s secretly scared that that destiny is going to end up killing her. she’s got... like an insane amount of stuff on her plate. and eugene is her rock and she absolutely 100% loves him and wants to marry him, but that doesn’t mean she is emotionally ready to get married right now. the only reason she tries to propose in s2 is she’s freaked out about the possibility of losing eugene to somebody else, and when eugene reassures her that there’s no danger of that, it becomes a nonissue and is never mentioned again... until s3 when she’s gotten to a point where she’s happily fantasizing about being married to eugene and planning a proposal because she is now Truly Ready. 

which i guess is all a long-winded way of saying... it’s not really about whether she loves eugene or not. and it’s not really about whether they could be happy together for the rest of their lives if they got engaged in BEA or in BtCW. it’s about marriage 1) being a big step and a huge, life-long commitment that cannot be entered into lightly, and 2) whether rapunzel is emotionally ready to make a decision that profound. 

and yeah, i think it’s perfectly reasonable and valid to portray that as a question of Her Freedom. getting married to eugene is not going to actually inhibit her from being herself, or doing what she wants with her life, because she and eugene love each other and want to spend their lives together and he would of course support whatever life she chose... but the decision itself can still be frightening. it can still be A Lot. there is a big difference between saying “i love you and i want to be with you forever” and going through the whole legal process of tying yourself to another person for the rest of your life, and it’s okay—as a teenager!—to be completely comfortable and genuine in the first while also feeling terrified, or overwhelmed, regarding the second. 

which imo is the whole point tts is making. rapunzel can love eugene with all her heart and not be ready to marry him bc she’s young and exploring herself and her world, and that’s totally okay. she doesn’t have to propose or get married until she WANTS that for herself, until it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice or a compromise she’s making but rather a dream she is pursuing. she gets to have marriage as a joyous, freeing prospect, rather than something scary that she isn’t ready for but feels compelled to accept anyway because well, she loves eugene and she has no reason to say no, right? 

like [waves hands vaguely at the plus est scene] is the way rapunzel smiles when eugene proposes in that scene the smile of a woman who is sacrificing her freedom to get married? no! of course not! that’s the smile of someone who is DELIGHTED and EAGER and EXCITED to get married because marriage is an open door to exactly the future she wants, which is precisely how marriage should be.

[honey-tea-and-cookies]

Hi pretty person! ^0^ How you doin?( >___<)

Could I pick your brain on having a 2nd house scorpio juno?

Arigato gozaimasu![^______^]

Hi gorgeous! I'm good thank you :). Absolutely you can!

Scorpio Juno

This gif reminded me of Scorpio Juno, so it's here <3

- So Juno is the asteroid of love, commitment and marriage. It talks about the kind of person your future spouse could be, a little on the relationship you guys might have, the marriage and also their Sun sign.

- First off, with your Juno being Scorpio, your future spouse could be a Scorpio Sun! Or they could have Scorpio somewhere else in their big 3

- Your relationship could teach each other many lessons, especially karmic lessons. I know that usually scares people, but it's honestly not a bad thing. It just means you are growing!

- You meeting your future spouse could be fate! Obviously everyone has free will, but if you believe in fate, that could resonate for you :)

- Your future spouse wants, more than anything, to be known and understood. I think trust will be MASSIVE in your relationship. Obviously trust is paramount in every relationship, but you might have to work quite hard to earn their trust at first. Once you have it though, you will learn everything about them and a lot of things will start to make sense

- This trust and intimacy is why the gif reminds me of Scorpio Juno. The emotion, and tenderness of the hug, and the protectiveness he's displaying for her. Very much ~developed Scorpio in love~ vibes <3

- Your future spouse may be someone who struggles to verbally say how they feel, so they opt to show you instead!

- I won't get into anything here, but that goes for NSFW stuff too 👀

- Your future spouse may be quite sarcastic, or have a dry sense of humour

- Your future spouse may be quite protective of you, or even possessive. Jealous, at times (be sure to establish strong and healthy boundaries, as well as communicate!!)

2nd House Juno

I chose this gif because it's the kind of date that 2nd House Juno would love <3

- You might have a lot of 2nd House synastry with your future spouse

- Your future spouse could have Taurus somewhere in their big 3, or a lot of 2nd House placements (though the latter is more likely)

- You guys might be financially comfortable, or even wealthy. There is more or less of an emphasis on material things. Which isn't bad!! Either you or your spouse's love language could be gift giving, or even physical touch

- You and your future spouse may be quite a physically attractive couple, wearing nice clothes or owning nice things

- Either you or your future spouse (or both) may be incredibly hard working when it comes to your career and handling finances

- You or your future spouse may show love through food! Making it for each other, remembering and ordering your favourites, picnic dates (like in the gif above), etc.

- Your marriage may make you feel very confident, and valuable. Of course you've always had value, but they may make you feel important and confident (as they should!)

- You and your future spouse my be quite affectionate, and show your love physically

- Once again I won't go into NSFW, but that applies here too

- Most importantly, your future spouse will be an incredibly stable and dependable person for you. Your marriage to them may act as a rock for you. They will always be there for you. They are VERY committed to your marriage.

This is everything I read for these placements! I hope you enjoyed and found this helpful. Thank you so much for asking this, and sending you lots of love <3

[daaedoodles]

Mia and Elizabeth would be cute together but I feel like neither of them will stay after the main cast is reunited. Wilder was Helen’s replacement and Helen will eventually come back to New Amsterdam and Mia seems like she’ll be gone once Veronica is gone since she’s the one who hired her and her department takes a lot of money from other departments. If they do get together though, I hope it’s not under some weird circumstances like Lauren and Leyla I want one wlw couple to have a normal story line.

I did not consider that fact oh no :((

I don't think the writers are going to bring Sharpe back within the next like 16(?) episodes we have left, she's really committed to her place in London and I think for once Max should give something up for her even if it means giving up New Amsterdam, and maybe leaving it in the very capable hands of Dr Wilder?

They seem to have signed Wilder on as a lead now and Mia seems like a supporting role, though I don't don't know if she's dead now the last episode was very concerning and the promo pics too. I really hope that Wilder stays because as much as I love Max part of me actually likes Wilder more as a possible Medical Director because of the lack of the whole white savior thing.

Even though I did enjoy it partially, because NA is the only show that really talks about real issues and delves into them, a lot of the time it did rub me the wrong way on Max's part because like Helen said, he never really took the time to listen properly to the people who were marginalized.

Not to mention Sandra and her character have been a breath of fresh air to the show and its kind of brought the show back to life, I think after Kapoor left there was his bit in the main cast that was left empty and the show didn't really feel whole since he left, but Dr Wilder has really nicely fit into that role.

I do hope that even IF Max and Helen do come back to work at New Amsterdam (which I think wouldn't happen, it would be a lot of backtracking on Helen's part and also her qgain sacrificing everything for Max) Wilder stays on.

You're definitely right in saying if Veronica steps out that the holistic medicine department will probably be removed, but if it's Wilder in charge, I feel as though she might keep the department purely because she saw how Mia helped Willow and her other patient.

The two of them definitely have chemistry, not to mention both are quite lonely people (as we saw in the last episode, Mia being alone and Wilder going on dating apps + feeling sad at seeing Helen and Max) and in that way they could offer some understanding and if not a relationship, a friendship, to one another. I think they compliment one another nicely and their dynamic is really enjoyable so far. We already saw Elizabeth being quite touchy with Mia from the get-go which isn't very characteristic of her, we've only seen that with her brother, so maybe it's in the cards?

The characters deserve that kind of happiness especially after the shit show that was 'All Night Long' and to be honest queer NA fans deserve better than Leyren as it is now because they're probably goinng towards a green card marriage despite the two not being on the best of terms, if it's even in character to be happening considering Leyla's insistence on not wanting to be helped by Lauren and that massive betrayal of her trust on Lauren's part.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay but what if we're really rude and say that he's getting up to leave/get ready to go to work etc whatever but she wakes up because neither of them are good sleepers so makes sense to me even if it's early] Jimmy: [awkwardly both getting ready cos she's got dogs to walk including his] Janis: [that makes sense to me too, fun times lol] Jimmy: [at least they've got the excuse of not wanting to wake mcvickers up for keeping this bit silent af] Janis: [and at least neither of you takes a million years to get ready either] Jimmy: [casual speed run lol because he can't get ready properly til he gets to his house if it's for work because didn't get chucked out in his uniform, when you've gotta come with him gal cos nobody will be up at his either so that'll be an awkward short walk] Janis: [when you aren't saying shit 'cos no way to gauge how much he remembers here remotely] Jimmy: [and he's not either because 1. rarely does 2. would remember being kicked out and then rescued but unlikely he'll remember exactly what he said or did and can't exactly re-read the convo in front of her in case he dies] Janis: [the only saving grace is you're both used to silences but this beats the usual in awkwardness so not really] Jimmy: [thank god when they get to his Twix will be extra af so he can just be like' tah' which we know is not at all a casual thank you and run inside like gotta go get ready BYE] Janis: [run off with that dog gal] Jimmy: [later so he's had to chance to take a break at a time when somewhere that cuts keys would be open and get a load more spares done] Jimmy: 🔑✔ Jimmy: no need to nick yours off you again Janis: 👍 Janis: glad to hear it Jimmy: I get it, saving lads from 💀💀💀 ain't what you're after Jimmy: must've been 💔 Janis: It was no big Janis: Bill might be 💔 though Janis: not really Juliet's role Jimmy: I'd say he'll live but bit late and rude Janis: 👻bants Jimmy: ain't your role now any road, he'll have to haunt some other lass Janis: now that's 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: if you miss him that bad, chuck the script out and make yourself Romeo Jimmy: I'll be the lass who don't get a face or owt to say Janis: makes more sense 😎🤐 Janis: some edgy teen drama been there, done the rewrite though, I'm good Jimmy: I get it, you reckon the gay rumours might resurface Janis: no doubt Jimmy: the 👻 bants ain't worth it Bill mate Janis: bit rude Jimmy: I'll keep it 😎🤐 then soz Janis: unless you're changing your role too Jimmy: don't have the range, my dear Janis: there's your answer then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: the dog is more wound up than usual today Jimmy: last night were a bit Jimmy: didn't get kicked out for nowt Janis: yeah Janis: just letting you know Janis: take it for a longer walk, try to wear it out Jimmy: Alright Janis: Will he let you back in tonight Janis: or are you gonna have to wait Jimmy: can let myself in 🔑s 'll do that, like Janis: obviously Janis: but are you gonna need to avoid him 'til he's asleep or what, is what I was saying Jimmy: whatever I need to do is nowt for you to worry about Janis: alright Jimmy: I meant what I said, no need to 📞 you or an SOS or owt Jimmy: 🦇 about without looking for a signal Janis: I know Janis: was just asking Jimmy: if I said owt about him when I were being a drunken dickhead, it'll have just been bollocks Janis: you've said he's a twat plenty of times Janis: and I have met him so Jimmy: yeah Janis: you didn't say anything Janis: don't worry Jimmy: 👌 Janis: later then Jimmy: I just Jimmy: didn't mean for nowt like that to happen Janis: 'course you didn't Janis: I'm not that dick though Janis: what, like I'll hold it against you Janis: if you want to forget about it, then do, I'm fine with that Jimmy: I'm not calling you a massive dickhead, I'm saying I feel like one Janis: you don't need to Janis: your family shit ain't my business but it ain't your fault Janis: or if it was, whatever, yeah Jimmy: I don't just mean that though Jimmy: how we left things an' all Jimmy: all that bollocks before Janis: well Janis: I fucked it up so Jimmy: I did my bit Janis: if you really want that credit Jimmy: 🏆's a 🏆 babe Janis: only when you don't give it yourself, allegedly Jimmy: Oi, don't be quoting my rules back to me Janis: one for you and one for everyone else, is it Jimmy: I know what I said, weren't pissed then an' all Janis: I'm glad you don't have a #problem Jimmy: might do now I'm SO 💔🎻😭 after having lost my Juliet Jimmy: if I'm gonna have to put the 💀💀💀 work in myself, it'll do Janis: drove you to drink is usually reserved for marriage and didn't actually fake propose so that's on you Jimmy: the 🍷🦷 will put off 💀👑 and the rest of the lasses about but whoever Ian's with will be well up for it so that's his life ruined and job done Jimmy: can't help that the flatcap fits, girl Janis: if you're gonna kill yourself with booze, I'd pick something that tastes better than wine Janis: but I get it, you wanna be like Lucas in all the ways Jimmy: point's to be 💀💀💀 not have a laugh but alright Jimmy: I'll lure him in an' all while I'm about it Jimmy: not one to rest on my bloody laurels, me Janis: have your 🏆 Jimmy: fill it with 🍷🥳⚰ Janis: am I allowed to go your funeral or what Jimmy: why wouldn't you? Janis: people get weird 'round funerals Janis: Shaz might ban me Jimmy: far as people know we're still 💕's young dream so she'd have a job to have a go Jimmy: Bill is gonna be chuffed to bits by the attempt Janis: not if you steal her Janis: loudly declaring her undying 💕 over your corpse Jimmy: weren't planning to go that far, but Ian would be chuffed to bits himself by that so tah for the 🥇💡 Janis: why half-arse the job Jimmy: I said I don't have the range Janis: like you don't just have to lie there Janis: x2 Jimmy: fake dating you ain't prepared me to pretend I'm eager to crack onto other Sharon Jimmy: who's fault's that? Janis: suppose that's a compliment Janis: backwards one but I'll take it Jimmy: didn't reckon you'd fancy one the right way round Janis: yeah right Jimmy: right 'cause you said you can't hack it Jimmy: remember that bit, me Janis: that's convenient Janis: can all be selective with our memories, boy Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: picking and choosing what bits you want and chucking 'em at me is very Catholic school of you Jimmy: it were you who said it, so if you're trying to say either of us said or did something I need to remember after I chucked a load of 🥃 down my throat, go on Janis: I'm not Janis: you passed out like immediately Jimmy: 👍 Janis: did you think something happened? Jimmy: how would I know? Janis: 'cos you chucked a load of 🥃 down your throat so why would it Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: I don't mean you might've done owt, dickhead, just me Janis: not that desperate that I'd hold you to it Janis: but you didn't Jimmy: just desperate enough to have a one track 🧠 Janis: shut up Jimmy: I never said it had to be something like that Janis: what else would you mean Janis: were at my grandparents house, you'd know if you'd vommed or otherwise been a twat Jimmy: loads else I could say or do, isn't there? Janis: me and my one-track mind would have no idea Janis: what are you 😱 you said? Jimmy: yeah 'cause I'm gonna tell you now if I didn't then Jimmy: nice try, dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: you expect me to sit here and tell you everything you said Janis: didn't commit it to my memory, even if I weren't pissed Jimmy: no, just tell me what happens next Janis: 📖🖋 Janis: never my job that bit Jimmy: we're both off the clock last I heard Jimmy: we left it like we were never gonna have a word to each other again, then what you stop me 🥶 to 💀💀💀 and it's back to nowt? Janis: I don't know Janis: you don't owe me nothing, if that's what you're getting at Janis: probably wouldn't let many die just 'cos, believe it or not Jimmy: piss off, you know it weren't what I were getting at Janis: alright Janis: but I still don't know Janis: what do you want to do Jimmy: what makes you reckon I know owt if you don't? Janis: even if I say I overreacted Janis: not taking back that there was a vibe Janis: that was hard to ignore Jimmy: I'm not calling it a vibe but alright Janis: you think of a bloody word for it then Janis: it's wanky but it's a useful replacement for when you can't even, babes Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so helpful Jimmy: I never said I didn't wanna kiss you an' all Janis: you didn't though Jimmy: it weren't as simple as all that Jimmy: and alright, I might have overreacted myself Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't we just Jimmy: go back to how it were Janis: when Janis: like, what part Jimmy: before you pissed off and I were a massive 😭 twat about it Janis: I can't promise I won't need to go again Janis: but I'll try to give you more warning Jimmy: like you said, family shit ain't my business or your fault, Jules Janis: got the role back then? Jimmy: do you want it back? Janis: may as well Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🏆 for enthusiasm an' all Janis: what do you want me to say Janis: you're not in a ⚰ I'm not being dramatic about it Jimmy: you saving it for the eulogy or the murder?m Janis: everyone knows murderers love a dramatic monologue so you've got time to escape Janis: enjoy that Jimmy: don't wanna escape 💕 Janis: n'awh Janis: just me, that Jimmy: if you don't wanna 💀💀💀 put the 🔪 down, mate, ain't me holding it Janis: truce, I heard you Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: alright, no funny business Janis: not an animal Jimmy: 🤏🦇🩸 Janis: part-time Janis: and can clearly control my bloodlust Jimmy: 💔 gutted Janis: give me time to prepare my speech, dickhead Janis: got a life, you know Jimmy: I've said it before, them 🐕 ain't taking themselves for a piss Jimmy: be why you were in such a rush to leg it a bit ago, nowt to do with me or your self control Janis: oh yeah, 'cos you were begging me to come in Jimmy: didn't hear nowt from you volunteering to @ my manager about why I were late if I had asked you in Janis: I'll @ him any time you like 😍 Jimmy: you and your 👻 kink Janis: love unavailability Jimmy: it's 'cause you've got no self control, that Janis: I clearly do Janis: you left that bed thoroughly unmolested so Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: such a twat Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What are we doing in a bit then? Janis: what are WE doing or what are 'the couple' doing? Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: well, I know that lot are having a sleepover Janis: we could crash that, be funny Janis: but we can bail and do whatever after Jimmy: alright Jimmy: long as you keep the pjs on, been ages since they've had a proper outing Janis: just for you, like Jimmy: for 💀👑 an' all, she'll be fuming Janis: rude Janis: it is the dresscode Jimmy: 💔 I don't have a lace nightie or owt to chuck on and show her up Jimmy: go shopping for us, tah very much Janis: that's not fair Janis: how am I meant to control myself then, like Jimmy: if you're not up to the challenge, I'll dress down Janis: hate to dull your ✨ Janis: black for preference, no need to tell me Jimmy: 🖤 Janis: Sharon really hasn't left one at yours? Jimmy: if you wanna go looking for it, you crack on Jimmy: don't fancy it myself Janis: don't snoop through my client's houses, tah Janis: got a reputation to uphold Jimmy: Oi, don't client zone me Janis: well, you're the client's owner, if you really wanna 💔 Jimmy: some truce that were, lasted about as long as your self control Janis: what kind of mates don't have top quality #bants Jimmy: 💀👑 and hers Jimmy: so we'll have to calm it down in a bit Janis: then we won't be mates Janis: love's young dream Jimmy: we'll be both, just that #goals, us Janis: duh Janis: doesn't even make me a bit 🤢🤢🤮 Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't got time for a 🤢🤢🤮 break if you set me off Jimmy: and I don't reckon one of the cups'll hold it Janis: 😂 you're so dramatic Janis: make it a venti Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'm actually alright, tah for asking Janis: you're hungover, that's definitely your fault Jimmy: nah, I don't have one 💪🏆🥇 me Janis: I do not believe that even a bit Jimmy: it'll be your top quality nursing that did it Jimmy: or how you reckoned I passed out soon as Janis: don't reckon being able to make a cuppa qualifies me but I'll take it Jimmy: did you? 😍 works as a northern marriage proposal, that Janis: you were 🥶 and I know how you like it Jimmy: IOU ☕🍪🍪 Janis: TWO biscuits? Janis: who needs 💍 Jimmy: I'll chuck you a whole pack for the honeymoon Janis: that's indecent Janis: stop 🙈 Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😏 Janis: better Jimmy: nah, but there's a time and a place for 🔊 Janis: 💡 Jimmy: ? Janis: later Janis: is a time and a place for 🔊 Jimmy: goes without saying, owt we can do to 🔇 💀👑 Janis: won't take much Janis: try to avoid being at home, especially when they're all about Janis: but it is worth it to show my face just to see hers sometimes Jimmy: black lace number, I heard Jimmy: I'll bring her a ☕ over, have a think how you wanna ☠ it Janis: laced in lace sounds like a 🔥 summer read Jimmy: hang on, I'll grab a 🖋 loads of napkins about Janis: very fitting Janis: 🎨💭 Jimmy: [sends her a pic of whatever Jackie Collins esque nonsense he's written on a napkin once he has because he's a nerd] Janis: 😂 Janis: the 👵 that finds that will be way too thrilled Jimmy: long as she 💀💀💀 off the premises Jimmy: might not be hungover but I still don't fancy the clean up Janis: 💦💦 Jimmy: STOP Janis: soz Janis: that 🧠 strikes again Jimmy: such a way with emojis, you Janis: don't get too excited on the 🕤 like Jimmy: 📵 'll be your fault when 👻 manager floats in and kicks off Janis: who is working today Jimmy: now who's getting excited? Janis: I'm just making conversation Janis: so rude Jimmy: rude of you to use me to find out who you wouldn't be able to 📞🍑 once there's a phone ban Jimmy: sort yourself and your one track 🧠 out, Judith Janis: you're easily distracted Janis: not my fault Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: dead focused Janis: on your 🎨 Janis: maybe Janis: ☕ orders, nah Jimmy: sounds like a review the CG has had Jimmy: 😱😱😱 were you @notallkarens543??!!!!!!!! Janis: my real name Janis: you've been well off Janis: maybe if you paid more attention... 💅 Jimmy: if that's been a wig this whole time and it's stayed on, there's a shit load of lasses who need another Q&A Jimmy: and the talk to the manager hair reveal, obvs Janis: if ONLY your manager would talk to me Janis: all natural, babe 💔 Jimmy: I called your tan were fake, can't do it all Janis: not a casual bit of blackfishing Janis: be counterproductive out in the country really Jimmy: depends, might get a 💀💀💀 spot with a lovely view Jimmy: 🌳🌼🌻🐄🐑💩 Janis: from the top of the 🌳 Janis: beautiful Jimmy: the 📷 will TOTALLY be ones for the feed Jimmy: tah for the 🎨 you were a 🥇 til the end Jimmy: *muse Janis: you could pretend to mourn, bitch Jimmy: I'll be doing my 😭😭😭 at your ⚰ Janis: you can't even give me a little 😥 now? Jimmy: I could do Janis: you lied about not having the range Jimmy: I don't need it with you Jimmy: going for 🏆🥇 not oscars Janis: you got your 🏆 Janis: keep it up for the 🥇 like Jimmy: [sends her a 😟 selfie cos can't 😥 rn obviously but there you go gal] Janis: give the 🐶🥺 a run for their money Janis: don't reckon I like that Jimmy: [writes her an OTT iconic eulogy like maybe you'll like that better] Janis: okay 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: weren't the plan but alright Jimmy: 🔪💕😘 Janis: put the 🥇 in my will Jimmy: don't reckon I can accessorise any more as a 👻 already got the 😎🚬 Jimmy: and the ⛓ Bill's fuming I've gone a bit Dickens but a kink's a kink Janis: what do you want then, 👻boy? Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: a valid one Janis: you said you were going for 🏆🥇 Janis: now you've changed your mind Jimmy: I want nowt but your eternal 💕 DUH Jimmy: there's the 🏆🥇 answer Janis: I'm dead so that'll be easy Janis: what's the real answer then Jimmy: what do I want when you die? Janis: yeah Jimmy: be dead an' all, won't I? Janis: guess so Janis: if we're sticking to script Jimmy: don't you want to? Janis: can work with that Janis: when you're born with another person, get used to sharing Jimmy: weren't what I asked Jimmy: I said what do you want Janis: I just wanna Jimmy: what? Janis: see you again Janis: and it be alright Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: I will be for fucking ages Janis: are you sure Jimmy: unless you wanna give the 👮🚔 a bell and dob my manager in for giving me more hours than he's legally meant to Jimmy: then I'll come to you, like Janis: 'how do I know? well I stalk his schedule soooo' Janis: tell 'em I'm 💀👑 Janis: 2 🐦 1 ☄️ Jimmy: put a silver 🥄 in your mouth, that'll sort the accent and attitude right out Janis: have to swing by to get one Jimmy: is the sleepover at her house or what? Janis: ours, unfortunately Jimmy: middle of nowt so no dickheads can hear them 😱😱😱 I get it Janis: it's probably some weird punishment thing for Gracie but their kinks ain't no interest of mine Jimmy: very Catholic school of 💀👑 we're full ⚫️ here OMG Janis: if you need to put your phone away, you can just say 👋 Jimmy: if you want me to 🤐 you can just say 🖕 Janis: 😏 Janis: I would Jimmy: go on Janis: I don't Jimmy: alright Janis: I'm gonna come in for my lunch Janis: in a bit Jimmy: I'll make you something that's not 🤢 Janis: very thoughtful 💘 Jimmy: just don't wanna have to clean up after you if you 🤮 Jimmy: well selfish, me Janis: alright Janis: you hate me, no need to drive the point home with 🤮 Jimmy: I don't Janis: ambivalent then Janis: even ruder Jimmy: it's all about the tip jar, girl, you've been told before now Janis: @notallkarens543 only gives tips in the form of advice, hun Jimmy: steady on, you ain't tasted nowt yet Janis: filth, you are Jimmy: you wish, hun Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 I'll crank up Classic FM for you, babes Janis: depends who else is on shift Jimmy: I get it, that's why you're coming in, no need to pretend you're starving Janis: you could've just told me, awkward Janis: now I have to 👀 for myself Jimmy: you ain't told me who you wanna 👀 Jimmy: bit rude to expect me to 🧠📖 Janis: maybe it's who I don't wanna 👀 Janis: not the only one getting shit reviews Jimmy: I know for a fact the manager reckons you're 🥇 Janis: yeah right Janis: he only communicates in knocks and passive-aggressive emails Jimmy: and he said he hopes each email finds you well Jimmy: fuck's sake, what more do you want, bighead? Janis: for him to personally make me a latte, DUH Jimmy: drink it and I'm haunting a different lass Janis: 😏 Janis: I'd sooner die Jimmy: not letting him do them honours either, soz Janis: you jealous? Jimmy: that what you're after? Janis: nah Jimmy: just the latte then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just be stupid if you were Jimmy: and what, I never do owt stupid? Janis: nah Jimmy: I'd sooner die than be that 🤓 mate Janis: good thing you're client-zoned Jimmy: is it? Janis: be rude of you to die before you make my lunch, so yes Jimmy: oi Janis: what? 😇 Jimmy: 1. don't be spreading lies about my image 2. or yours  3. could be 💀💀💀 and still make you a 🥇 lunch Janis: 1. everyone knows you're 🥇 barista boy 2. do you really need me to tweet it too? Jimmy: not my job to tell you how to be 😇 Janis: we don't want to lay it on too thick Janis: the sleepover posts will be A LOT Jimmy: good shout, she will have us trapped once the 🚍 stop Janis: we'll leave before the communal 🤮 sesh Janis: I got you Jimmy: tah Janis: what do you actually want to do after Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Jimmy: I ruined whatever plans you had last night before coming to my rescue Janis: yeah, my social calendar is crazy, as you well know Jimmy: I know you don't sleep 🧛 girl so my pisshead 😴 must've done your head in Janis: I got a bit Janis: you were almost cute Jimmy: shut up Janis: I'm being nice Jimmy: what for? Janis: 'cos you hate it, obvs Jimmy: answer my other question then Janis: what do I wanna do? Janis: I don't care Jimmy: so helpful, you Janis: I just wanna hang out with you, alright Janis: we'll think of something Jimmy: 🐄 tipping Janis: 😂 Janis: okay Jimmy: dunno what else you'd do in the country Janis: plenty of shit Janis: there's no fucker about, like you said Jimmy: go on Janis: we've got a barn, with loads of shit in Janis: or there's plenty of other places I know to explore Jimmy: we'll have to fight the tall one for it, sounds like a prime tik tok location tbh Janis: I don't fancy your chances Janis: let me handle it Jimmy: you 🥊🦘 and I'll 👀🍿 Janis: long as you don't enjoy it too much Jimmy: only your win, babe Jimmy: that's the kind of fake boyfriend I am Janis: very #goals Janis: me, obvs 💪 Jimmy: yeah, very 💪🥇🏆 you Janis: say it like you mean it Jimmy: [a voice memo because when does he ever do any work when he could be flirting with the bae] Janis: more like it Janis: [👍 selfie] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: idiot Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: give us a real one and I'll really try Jimmy: not about to piss off into the middle of nowt with anyone else, don't get nowt realer than that Jimmy: as compliments go Janis: alright Janis: fair enough Janis: won't let you get murdered Jimmy: crack on with that and I'll tell you how fit and mysterious you are Janis: you worked out what I really want Jimmy: nah, I just like saying it Jimmy: selfish, remember Janis: I'm alright with that Jimmy: I might let you get a word in if there's owt you wanna say an' all Janis: maybe Janis: I'll have a 💭 Jimmy: might let you get a 💭 in Janis: bold to say I won't be able to use my 🧠 around you Janis: it's very focused Jimmy: on the one track, I heard Janis: you can get on it Janis: not gonna tie you to it though, like Jimmy: 🚫⛓? Count me out, Janet Janis: fine Janis: bring your cuffs, pig Jimmy: Alright, stop begging Janis: how am I gonna be the one begging Jimmy: please'll be one of the words I let you get in, that'll be how Janis: do you want me to beg or not, you're confusing me Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: what are you begging for? Janis: guess we'll see Jimmy: yeah Janis: doubt I'll be begging for whatever food you rustle up, however hard you brag Jimmy: only so much I can do, even going off menu Janis: don't talk it down now Janis: well excited Jimmy: not gonna lie to you, not that dickhead Janis: it's just exaggerating and all lads do it Jimmy: lads who need to Jimmy: don't be #ithappenstoeveryone @ me Janis: 😏🤐 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ain't gonna bullshit either Janis: so can't say that about you, like Jimmy: even though I'm client zoned? 💕 Janis: yeah Janis: though not handing out top reviews so you can convince other bitches, obvs Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave 'em to you Janis: piss off Janis: I'm avoiding the gay rumours resurfacing, that's the only reason we're mates again Jimmy: 🐕🏃 were all I meant, calm yourself Janis: hmm Janis: you not gonna open your own rival business then? Jimmy: that one track 🧠's a bit suspicious Jimmy: and if I bother, you said I could do Janis: you're just a well-known dickhead Janis: yeah, you can, why I was asking Jimmy: this well known dickhead has got a fair bit on so I dunno Jimmy: might give it a go when your other 👻 bf sacks me Janis: yeah, I dunno when you'd sleep Jimmy: whenever I next chuck 🥃 down my throat, probably Jimmy: do my best to avoid giving you a 📞 though Janis: now you have a key, can put yourself to bed Janis: bit rude to only 📞 when there's none left in the bottle Jimmy: I'll bring you what's left of Ian's stash, can't be going to the sleepover in my uniform Jimmy: 💀👑 would lose herself Janis: true Janis: already gonna be the height of hysteria as there are no males in my house Janis: not even the gay brother Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: is your fit mum at least gonna be there? Janis: I don't know Janis: she's probably going to be out getting over Ian not wanting to date her Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: he's nowt if not a bloody catch, him Janis: I know Janis: absolutely devastated Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: alright for you, stuck with the delight that is by 🩸 Jimmy: any time you wanna be stuck with him by 👰💍🤵 Jimmy: have a crack at either of us Janis: tah Janis: won't go for the little one, not that weird Jimmy: he does like you, mate, but a good shout to assume not like that Janis: yeah, and he's cute, but not like that Janis: more the little fucker they make carry the rings Jimmy: he'd do a top speech an' all Janis: get to slag off all the guests Janis: and me if I don't learn fast enough Jimmy: give you another lesson in a bit, we can slag off the sleepover guests all you like then Janis: good idea Janis: need something to do whilst they're planning the fake wedding Jimmy: and something to do with your hands, that 🧠 being how it is Jimmy: I get it Janis: and you've done nothing to make it worse, of course Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: dunno what you've heard Janis: it's what you wanna hear Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that Jimmy: just a poor lad cracking on with his latte 🎨 finding #inspo round and about Janis: 👌 Janis: inspirational Jimmy: you are Janis: smooth 💘 Jimmy: you're not wrong but neither am I Janis: you reckon your manager would let me have a go with the latte 🎨> Janis: ?* Jimmy: if he says no, I'll let you when he ain't about Janis: 🙌 Janis: buzzin' for that Jimmy: what you gonna ✏️? Janis: I know how to do ☘ with Guinness taps Janis: so, gonna apply that knowledge and give it a go Jimmy: fuck 🤓 flirting we've progressed to full paddy 💕😘 Janis: I know, well impressive Janis: perks of grandpa having a pub Janis: 🎱🎯🍻 Jimmy: I were gonna give you a compliment then but you can't be that talented if you've never taken me to have a go Janis: 1. he could long since be dead and the pub gone 2. we've been to a pub together 3. no excuses left now, like Jimmy: 1. 👻🎱🎯🍻 2. that quiz bollocks were together not vs Janis: 1. insensitive prick 2. alright that's what we'll do then, when we're not 🛌 Jimmy: 1. mine are and you don't see me 😭 and won't til I call into work for a fake ⚰ 2. alright then, let my 💅 dry and we'll be off Janis: 1. how old did they make they can't have been that old unless Ian looks GREAT for it, which, duh, believable 2. 🙌 Jimmy: he's outlived his, my mum's kept going til it were a bit more recent Jimmy: 🌧😒 Janis: Northern, I remember Jimmy: the accent's a giveaway and you did hear it a bit ago so Janis: thought it was a speech impediment Jimmy: my genetics are a shit show, I get why you'd reckon that Janis: know the feeling Jimmy: but any other dickhead asks and it were the 🚬🥃 that did it, be the 😎 answer Janis: got it Janis: if anyone asks I think it's well 🤤😍 anyway Jimmy: I'll stick it in the next Q&A Jimmy: 🤞 no dickhead'll know it were me 🗨 Janis: you'll be well too extra, bighead Jimmy: you do it then Janis: Easy Jimmy: weren't offering a 🏆 for the 💌🖋 don't worry Janis: why would I do it then 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: for the 💕 baby Janis: sounds like a bad deal Jimmy: UGH fine, you can have a 🏆 if you sound enough like you don't have a 🧠 how the rest of our fans do Janis: I'll get the ice pick Jimmy: hot Janis: it is 💕 after all Jimmy: do it properly and the manager'll let you have a crack at all the latte 🎨 you want Janis: send nudes Janis: understood Jimmy: #whenbrainscansarethenewnudes Janis: don't really fancy @ing the CG public twitter but Janis: just trying to pimp me out since day 1 Jimmy: it ain't my fault you'd rather we were rivals than working together as a 🥇 team Janis: you are such a bullshitter Janis: you wanna compete just as much 🎱🎯🍻 Janis: unless you're chatting threesome in which case, so up for that 🥇 performance Jimmy: different to ☕🎨💰 or 🐕🏃 that Jimmy: but I'll chat threesome when you give me someone #goals enough to 🗨 about Janis: 1. I'd never get a job at CG 2. if you wanna give me a cut, you can use my ads and customer base Janis: very rude you don't think Colin is #goals but alright Jimmy: 1. I gave you the in, get that lobotomy booked and you're well away 2. I get it, you just don't wanna share tips with someone more fit and mysterious than you Janis: 1. also need to book in for the tattoos and piercings and I don't have the time 2. wrong on both counts Jimmy: stop pissing about, you've already got more than the one I've got Janis: yeah but you've got the general 😎 and shit taste in music required Jimmy: you're right, you're too 😤 for customer service, forget I said owt Janis: I told you that before Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: I was focusing on your looks instead of how much of a dickhead you are til you reminded us Janis: as if I'd wanna spend that much time around you Jimmy: said as much myself ages ago up there, don't wanna play nice, you Janis: there's nice then there's that Jimmy: that's what the 🚫🧠 suggestion were for Jimmy: gotta be thick to work here Janis: or desperate Janis: and I've got other avenues to go down 'fore I need to hand in my CV Jimmy: tah for rubbing it in Janis: you could work at a better cafe Janis: sure they aren't all hubs of 💀👑 Jimmy: if that weren't bollocks I would be Janis: set your sights lower Janis: the greasier the better Janis: if they can't take a decent insta, you know they aren't coming in Jimmy: then my wage'll be lower an' all, not that thick, like Janis: price you pay then Jimmy: weren't whinging, that were you Janis: I've got nothing to whinge about, thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you could always go work with gracie Jimmy: don't need to be giving Sharon or Ian any ideas about how good I am at raising kids Janis: meant in the shop Jimmy: I don't reckon 😎🚬 is what they're after if they've got your sister on staff Jimmy: what's she got 2 jobs for if she's 💀👑 charity case? Janis: not gonna lend her a whole wardrobe Jimmy: what kind of fake BFF Jimmy: you've got half of mine already Janis: likewise, don't reckon a few hoodies is what she's after Jimmy: 💔 Janis: yeah, so sad for her Janis: tragic when you can't afford all the lipgloss you need Jimmy: yeah, had my 😭 about using the last of my lipgloss a bit ago Jimmy: gonna look a right twat at this sleepover now Janis: don't 🙄 Janis: even they've got enough 🧠 between 'em to work out what sharing can mean 💋 Jimmy: chuffed to bits that my makeover's still on then 💅💄💋 Janis: you are disgusting Jimmy: 😏 Janis: make your face get stuck like that Jimmy: as threats go, reckon you could do better Janis: I don't feel like it Jimmy: dry your eyes mate, the lipgloss #drama has been sorted Janis: if you reckon it's gonna be some b-list softcore porn scenario, you can go by yourself Jimmy: you're alright, I don't need french tips that bad Janis: don't you Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: hands of an artist, me Janis: sure Jimmy: nowt you don't already know Janis: how you bend at the wrist? Janis: yeah, I remember Jimmy: I'll get the 🏆 off my dad for that one, save you the arts and crafts Janis: alright, my bad Jimmy: put the ✨ away for a bit Janis: shh Janis: you wound me up Jimmy: like I said always 😤 you Janis: no need to bang on about it Jimmy: don't sound like me at all, that Janis: maybe not in public Jimmy: so what, the payback for doing your head in is to try and make me 😳 in public? Janis: you wish Janis: not me talking about what could happen at this sleepover Jimmy: you wish you'd be able to raise to the challenge, more like Jimmy: loads of 👵 have tried before now Janis: Please Janis: nothing challenging about it Jimmy: go on then Janis: Why should I? Jimmy: I said there's no point bothering, nerves of steel, me Janis: 'course Janis: last time I came in, that was all just acting Janis: totally in control, you Jimmy: I weren't sacked, if I had no self control, I would've been Janis: I didn't say you had none Janis: just not as much as you wanna fake Jimmy: why would I wanna fake that? more #goals to lose it all around you Janis: exactly my point Janis: that wasn't fake Jimmy: never said it were Janis: you definitely did Janis: it was for their benefit, not ours Jimmy: theirs and ours, that'd be more how I remember it Janis: think about it much, do you Jimmy: don't you? Janis: of course I do Jimmy: I've missed you Janis: I missed you Janis: I just like being with you Jimmy: I dunno if I said it last night or what but I like being with you an' all Jimmy: not just 'cause everything's shit and would be shitter if you weren't my fake missus though Janis: I don't want you to be worrying about what you did or didn't say last night Janis: I'll tell you everything I remember if it makes you feel better but like I said, not putting it in my back pocket for later or anything equally fucked Jimmy: I get that you're not like that, I'm just Jimmy: I dunno Janis: what? Jimmy: I'm not used to it Janis: I know I'm a natural nurse but, me neither, like Jimmy: and not to bang on about it 'cause I'd hate to wind you up with that an' all obvs, but I still don't wanna fuck this up Janis: yeah Janis: I don't want to either Janis: if you want me to get wasted and tell you things I won't remember in the morning then I can Jimmy: you already did do Jimmy: I were worried you were gonna fuck up your other ankle how you were going when I picked you up from that party Janis: see, we're even then Janis: I made an idiot out of myself first Jimmy: you didn't Jimmy: all that bollocks were mutual, us trying to take the piss out of each other Janis: I was angry Janis: as per Janis: I didn't want it to be over Jimmy: It's alright, I were 😭 as per Jimmy: and it's not over Janis: it's not Jimmy: we're gonna need a drink tonight but no need for either of us to be the ones acting like bellends with that lot about Janis: not one I'm gonna insist on competiting in Janis: I wanna remember, being with you, anyway, they don't need to register Jimmy: no competition for owt between you and them Janis: I'll fight for your attention if I have to but I can't promise I'll be happy about it Jimmy: you don't have to Janis: good Janis: you've got mine Jimmy: if you wanna fight any of my customers, manager or co-workers for the rest of what I can't give you, I won't stop you Jimmy: this shift is doing my head in Janis: can you take 10 when I come for lunch? Jimmy: take more than a 👻🥊 to stop me Janis: good Janis: I'll cheer you up Jimmy: I won't 🌧 on you unless you want me to, Jules Jimmy: be more than a bit rude when you're looking like that Janis: see how the mood takes you Janis: not saying you can do what you like to me but Jimmy: I'll say it first then, you can do what you like to me Janis: You know it's not all I care about actually, don't you Jimmy: I were just fuming when I said that Janis: I know but Janis: as long as you do too Jimmy: not as thick I look 🤞 Jimmy: last night, that's not nowt to me, and it weren't the first time you've bothered either Janis: I like you an' all Janis: as well as wanting you, both can be true, yeah Jimmy: why not? I am that likeable and that fit and mysterious Janis: when you put it like that Janis: makes me wanna change my mind but Jimmy: gutted it's only got the one track to go down Janis: I reckon I can handle it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: glad to hear it Janis: be awkward if not, on my way now Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: you said you didn't want it to be awkward Janis: you too Jimmy: I'd have it be awkward if that were the only way I were gonna see you but Janis: that's why it was Janis: before Jimmy: I were a massive dickhead before, I'll try and leave it out Jimmy: for a bit Janis: makes two of us Janis: anyway, rude when you know that's my type Jimmy: you'll be here in a bit, that's as long as I said Jimmy: be alright Janis: thank god Jimmy: nowt to do with him, it's my 🥇💡 Janis: you can't be jealous of god Jimmy: he ain't real it'd be like having a go at one of our kid's imaginary mates Jimmy: but I have done before now 'cause they can be right dickheads at bedtime Janis: 😏 Janis: sounds like you need to be nicer to them, tbh Jimmy: any time you wanna have a go, crack on Jimmy: you know where they live Janis: not good with kids either Janis: imaginary ones included Jimmy: he likes you, I said Janis: he's alright Janis: less bratty than the kids I know, that's for sure Jimmy: I could get their mums to piss off an' all, sort 'em out for you Jimmy: bit of a talent Janis: be useful Janis: my oldest sister, she's bossy as fuck Jimmy: that'll be the fit one, always are Janis: yeah, so everyone says Jimmy: might've been ages ago but now everyone says you're the fit one, she'll have to take 🥈 Janis: only 'cos she really shit the bed on that one but tah Jimmy: sounds like she'll live with being the bossy one Janis: 'cos I'll die if I ain't the fit one 🙄 Jimmy: I'll dump you if you're not the fit one, more like Janis: good luck getting her to fake date you she's actual married and a bit busy with it, like Jimmy: challenge would be accepted but you've painted her as more of a nightmare than you Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you aren't even funny, you know Jimmy: weren't what you reckoned in computer science, don't be lying 'cause you're mardy about my chances with your fit sister Janis: I said 🤡 Janis: doesn't necessarily mean funny Jimmy: but it did Janis: maybe you were funny then Jimmy: Oi, I ain't lost nowt Janis: just your hair and your will to live 👴 Jimmy: when we've been married for a bit, might do Jimmy: and my 💪 Janis: good job I carry you and this relationship then Jimmy: who carries who? Jimmy: nearly done my back in loads of times, tah very much Janis: that's only because you love it Jimmy: and you fell off an assault course Janis: which was your fault, if we wanna go into that again Jimmy: which is why I did my 🥇 nursing stint, if you wanna cast your 🧠 back, Jenna Janis: I know you like it Jimmy: I've had worse jobs Janis: 👍 Jimmy: don't mean you can get into the habit of hurting yourself, never live it down, a top athlete like you Janis: you think I'm that desperate for attention Jimmy: or that desperate to please me Jimmy: nah on either count Janis: don't have to try that hard, on either count Jimmy: I dunno if that's a piss take or not, I've made that many lattes Janis: Baby Janis: come out and I'll be there before you've lit up Jimmy: alright Janis: [arrive] Jimmy: [we hugging because couldn't do that earlier] Janis: [just the longest hug ever] Jimmy: [not breaking the hug but pulling her hair like he's gotta check it's not a wig and covering a karen hairstyle because the emotions are so much rn we need bants always] Janis: [just like oi but we're 😏 not 😒] Jimmy: ['well chuffed it's your real hair' just playing with it in a saucy way to make our point and no other reason obvs] Janis: [going to say something casual like 'mhmm' but does not sound at all casual] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like do you wanna try that again as if it's all just bants still but actually because so #into it we know] Janis: [grumpy face like it is too but not looking away from him 'cos tension Jimmy: [pouty lip thing because he's wanted to kiss her forever and that's the excuse he doesn't need but will take] Janis: [the literal most intense kiss how you don't actually die though] Jimmy: [we're all dying lads it's okay] Janis: [enjoy your moment though 'cos long time coming when you're this extra] Jimmy: [I have no idea how long it's actually been but it feels like ages tbh so take every second of these 10 minutes to be as extra as you can] Janis: [and not running away so progress] Jimmy: [proud of you both for not freaking out and sorting this out to a better level than it's been for ages] Janis: [get that lunch, live your best lives] Jimmy: [impress the bae by making something tailored to her that she'll love] Janis: [straight vibing] Janis: should I get loads of snacks for tonight Jimmy: to piss off 💀👑 or to cheer me up? Janis: you aren't cheered up? Jimmy: you asked that while I'm making you something to eat, which means you reckon you won't like it Janis: no it don't Janis: I was thinking to piss off 💀👑 Jimmy: if we get the rest of 'em to eat some she'll be fuming Jimmy: not 💀#2 obvs Jimmy: be impossible that Janis: challenge accepted then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just need to tell her I know how to get Mia to love her Janis: easy Jimmy: won't take you no time then Janis: what do you want then Janis: as you're so 😭 Jimmy: to eat? Janis: yes Janis: other plans still need to be worked out but I'll let you clock out of this job before we get to that stuff Jimmy: not a teenage girl who counts calories, get whatever you reckon'll piss her off the most Janis: what do you like though, dickhead Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Jimmy: I'm northern, I don't like nowt Janis: you're fussy, is what I'm hearing Jimmy: *funny Jimmy: and I don't care, that's literally the opposite, dickhead Janis: *chronically unhelpful Jimmy: what are you getting so bothered about? Jimmy: I won't be 😭💔🎻 if there's no food, it's not the reason I'm going Janis: I just wanna make sure you don't have a horrible time Janis: even if the main point is they do Jimmy: getting to spend longer than 10 minutes with you will do that Jimmy: even if we'll still have dickheads 👀🍿 us there as well as here Janis: had larger if not quite as attentive audiences so Janis: I don't care Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: obviously, be better to be alone but Jimmy: [brings her this food and beverage like oh hey do you wanna finish that sentence because I'm all up in your grill as much as I'm allowed to be lol] Janis: [just smiling half at the food moment, half at proximity like oh hey] Jimmy: [stealing something off that plate before she's had a chance to photograph the excellence like a cheeky bitch, this is why she wants to know what snacks you want you fat bastard] Janis: I get it now Janis: you know that's not how tips work, yeah? Jimmy: is this where you teach me maths? Jimmy: I'm alright, tah Janis: could do Janis: not as good as 💀👑 I'm sure Jimmy: you'll live Janis: will I though? Janis: my dad ain't a lawyer Jimmy: nah, you're right, you're fucked Jimmy: do you wanna 💀💀💀 in front of 'em an' all? Janis: what sort of question is that? Jimmy: you'd say a valid one Jimmy: if it were you who'd asked Janis: and you'd say something about my 🧠 if I had Jimmy: I don't reckon I can say owt about your 🧠 right now when mine's on the same track Jimmy: but I'll have a go if you're missing the #bants Janis: fun, isn't it? Jimmy: than being a mopey git but less fun than acting on each 💭 would be Janis: we can though Janis: even if it takes a while Jimmy: I know, I just Janis: do you want to be distracted right now or not Janis: because I can go until you're ready to be Jimmy: I wanna go with you Janis: I know you do Janis: but can you, realistically Jimmy: not without a 🥇 reason Jimmy: as voted by my manager Janis: 🤔 Janis: can pretend to be your dying nan but might put you off so Janis: bit counterproductive Jimmy: [IRL lol excuse him everyone] Janis: [😍] Janis: if you're #intoit just lemme know now Jimmy: just don't tell your fit nan that's a kink unlocked, she'll think I'm aiming for her head instead of the window with my stones Jimmy: be a bit awkward next time I fancy a cuppa round there Janis: be a more ⛓ kink if it was your own but fine Janis: keep you well out of her way from now on Janis: done it to yourself with that 🚍 ride Jimmy: if you're gonna call me vanilla, I'll chuck myself in front of that 🚍 instead of getting on Janis: babe Jimmy: proper upset me that has Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you know I like how you taste Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [looks over and shakes head like no you] Jimmy: [gives her a LOOK like you though] Janis: [biting lip but not to be saucy just 'cos genuinely that much of a struggle rn] Jimmy: [when you've gotta just get busy with something because likewise dying] Janis: must be how she does it Jimmy: ? Janis: 💀👑 Janis: being rich enough to sleep with as many people as there are hours in the day Jimmy: what I don't get is why the lads do it Janis: boost their average, practice, warmer than their hand Janis: take your pick, like Jimmy: doubt she is, or much by way of practice Jimmy: and you can lie about your numbers if you're that bothered Janis: nah, she'd be well good for stamina, take you so long to get off it'll basically feel like a chore by the end Janis: you can, but anyone that actually goes there will know you're lying, right Jimmy: I'll crack onto her in a bit then, stop you going on about how crap mine is Janis: no Jimmy: know how to take a hint, me Janis: do you fuck Jimmy: bit rude Janis: there's a reason I ain't subtle Jimmy: if I'm supposed to be fuming about that, tell me so I can fake it for you Janis: don't need you to fake nothing for me Jimmy: just get a bit more stamina from somewhere, yeah? Janis: if you need me to tell you how much of a joke that is, I should probably go somewhere more private Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me nowt Janis: I'll stay put then Jimmy: [comes over to clean up like oh hey again it's me, excuse me while I 'accidentally' touch you as much as possible while doing it LOL] Janis: [doing the thing where you move to be out of the way but 'accidentally' end up more in the way like whoops] Jimmy: [and the eye contact is everything because the manager can't tell you off for that, boy] Janis: [just silently dying here] Jimmy: [hard same for him, I hope you don't have to do hours and hours more of making lattes Jimothy cos you will die] Janis: are your brother and sister out today Jimmy: they'll be back by the time I'm done here Janis: alright Janis: my grandparents won't be, we could stop there first Jimmy: do me a favour and we won't have to bother stopping at mine at all Janis: go on? Jimmy: you've got a 🔑 raid Ian's stash, get some clothes and whatever else you reckon we'll need in a bit Janis: I can do that Jimmy: just be the 🐕 there, you can stay there for a bit if you want Jimmy: I know tonight's gonna do your head in Janis: thanks Janis: you're gonna make it fun Jimmy: I'll give it a 🥇 go Janis: you always do Jimmy: nah, but I will do Janis: not just 'cos the competition is non-existent with that lot Jimmy: not 'cause of them, I want to 'cause of you Janis: I want that too Janis: you Jimmy: [😍 at her because what are words when there's so much you wanna say] Janis: [you pack up your things and go now gal] Jimmy: [try not to watch her go too dramatically please] Janis: [waving like a nerd when you outside] Jimmy: [signs something at her but I've forgotten what he's taught her at this point so who knows what kind of insult that would likely be haha] Janis: gonna ask my best mate for those 🥇 6 year old insults when I next see him Jimmy: just don't ask him what that meant Janis: get you in trouble Janis: you're very predictable Jimmy: piss off am I Janis: okay, then I just know you SO well babes 💖 Jimmy: that'll do Jimmy: keep it #goals hun Janis: speaking of Janis: what do you want for PJs 'cos I bet you don't have any Jimmy: surprise us all Janis: well, gonna protect your modesty and just protect you from them in general Jimmy: you dunno me that well if you reckon I've got owt modest going for me Jimmy: but tah for the 💪 Janis: maybe I'm doing it for me Janis: don't need you slagging it up for anyone else Jimmy: not gonna upstage you, babe Jimmy: I'm saving that for our 👰💍🤵 Janis: oi Janis: x2 Janis: calling me a slag now and outshining me later Jimmy: 😏 Janis: cheek, honestly Jimmy: we could bring the 🐕 let her be a massive slag and outshine us both Janis: I mean, I can't lick my genitals so Janis: she's got me beat there Jimmy: 💔 that rumour were total bollocks Janis: 😂 fuck off Jimmy: meant to be SUCH an athlete, you Jimmy: 🚫🤸🏽 Janis: I'm not a circus freak Jimmy: not in a hot way any road Janis: you're such a prick Janis: just 'cos you're 🤡 don't mean I'm joining Jimmy: so you don't wanna see me 🤹☕? Janis: you wanna get fired that bad, I know Jimmy: pissed right on my tik tok career you have Janis: you just have to pull faces/your top up Janis: it's not hard Jimmy: POV your 👻 boyfriend Janis: what every girl wants Jimmy: DUH Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that'll be why my ex is in my inbox Janis: yeah, you'd messaged her Jimmy: what? Janis: you should read it back Janis: I don't know what you said exactly but you said you'd messaged her last night Jimmy: you could've stopped us Jimmy: some 🧠📖 you are Janis: oh yeah, definitely knew you were that basic bitch stereotype Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: thought she turned you down anyway Jimmy: dunno I'm not gonna open it, am I? Janis: come on Janis: face up to your shame Jimmy: you dunno what she's like Janis: what's the worst that can happen Janis: unless you bought her a plane ticket for her and her baby Jimmy: funny Janis: I'm serious Janis: be worse the more you worry about it Janis: it can't be that bad Jimmy: 😒 Janis: Alright Janis: I'll read it for you later then Jimmy: yeah, I'm gonna let that happen Jimmy: fit AND mysterious is the brand Janis: 🙄 well you messaged me and all, I'm just the dickhead that turned up Jimmy: I remember that Janis: some of Jimmy: enough of, you said Janis: yeah Jimmy: if I were an ungrateful dickhead then, I can do grateful for you now Janis: you weren't Janis: you were Janis: fine Jimmy: what does that mean? Janis: I don't need you to be grateful Janis: it's alright, I meant it Jimmy: okay Janis: whatever you said to her, sure she's gotten drunk dials before now Jimmy: she's done it to me Jimmy: which is why I'm 😒 and 🙄 Janis: you don't wanna be that bitch to that bitch Janis: I get it Jimmy: such a way with words, you Janis: you know what I mean Janis: you've invited her back in, you reckon Jimmy: she'll reckon Jimmy: even if I slagged her off til the word limit Jimmy: or it weren't about her at all Janis: unlucky, then Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: or 🌧🌧 Janis: I'm inside so Janis: go ahead Jimmy: if you can't benefit from fitting your hair under a 👑👒🎩🎓🧢 for a bit, I don't see the point Janis: gonna cheer up then? Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: not very in the spirit of what you just said Janis: I don't need cheering up Jimmy: what do you need then? Janis: nothing Jimmy: come on Janis: what? Jimmy: talk to me Janis: about what clothes I'm packing or Jimmy: 🤞👗👠 for me Janis: if you have a secret crossdressing wardrobe, lmk Jimmy: maybe in our future fake mansion, my dear Janis: then I reckon you're shit out of luck Janis: your sister don't seem the sort Jimmy: she's not Janis: not that you'd fit anyway Jimmy: you slagging me off or her there? Janis: you, obvs Jimmy: 💀💀💀 wish ain't that strong, I get it Janis: you said you'd do it Janis: basically a promise Jimmy: I'll do whatever you want, not my fault there's nowt you do, you said Janis: If you were here, answer'd be different Jimmy: if I were there I wouldn't have asked the question Jimmy: don't have your way with words but I don't always need to Janis: you manage to get your point across still Jimmy: you don't always need to be a 🥇🧠📖 Jimmy: not subtle either, me Janis: I'm glad Janis: subtle is overrated Jimmy: Oi, put some 🎨 shit in for us, I'll paint you Janis: bet they all love titanic Janis: 💡 Jimmy: rich girls 💕🚢 Jimmy: and chucking the lower classes out of their 👀 Janis: bringing up the fit ones for 🎨 and 💦💦 Janis: still would let you drown soz xoxo Jimmy: I'd drown myself if the alternative is fucking any of that lot Janis: hard same Janis: much to Mia's 🎻💔 Jimmy: least I didn't slide into her DMs an' all Janis: you have checked Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: she'd have let every dickhead know by now if I had done Janis: oh yeah, true Janis: I'd have got that screenshot by now Jimmy: and you wouldn't be 🗨 to me Janis: if you drunkenly tried to fuck one of them? Janis: staging your intervention more like Jimmy: that weren't the plan with my ex either Janis: right Janis: rekindling that deeper connection you had then Jimmy: it was just Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: you don't need to tell me Jimmy: I'm not like that, alright Janis: like what Jimmy: that dickhead Jimmy: I thought this were over, I wanted to know how she did it Jimmy: just stopped giving a shit like that Janis: is that why you don't want to read her reply? Jimmy: I don't wanna read it 'cause whatever bollocks she said ain't gonna be no help to me Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: probably asked Ian, an' all, that'll be why he chucked us out Janis: oh, yeah, that probably did it Janis: sorry Jimmy: don't be, he ain't Janis: but it was my fault Jimmy: bollocks are you taking the blame like it weren't me an' all Jimmy: and I'm not bringing that shit up again to make you feel bad, I'm just trying to explain what I were doing 🗨 to her Janis: if I'd just stayed on the train Janis: not ruined it Jimmy: you haven't ruined nowt, we sorted it Janis: yeah Janis: but you can talk to your ex or anyone how you like Janis: without explaining it to me Janis: you know Jimmy: I don't wanna talk to anyone else, I told you, I like talking to you Janis: I just wanna talk to you too Jimmy: that's alright then Janis: it is? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: I haven't done this before Jimmy: I'll teach you all the signs you need to be mute, it's fine Janis: 😏 Jimmy: and if you wanna talk to the 🐕 I won't tweet about what a massive cheating slag you are Jimmy: unless it's that one dickhead Janis: you know his name don't pretend Jimmy: oh please, I don't even know yours, babe Janis: 😱 = Olivier rn Jimmy: if he's at my 🏠 that'll be Twix's face an' all Janis: awh, dog date Jimmy: she's not having puppies with that 🐀 Janis: he couldn't reach Janis: let him hump her leg, loosen up Jimmy: just 'cause you're on one and SUCH a romantic Janis: knew you cared Janis: well protective, you Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'd be me who'd be stuck with 'em when they're too ugly to sell Janis: say they're some bullshit breed and all the gals will have one Jimmy: 💰💰💰 Jimmy: speaking of, have a crack at Ian's online banking before you piss off, tah very much Janis: you running away now? Jimmy: depends how you get on Janis: bit of an elaborate way to get your own back on me but Janis: respect it Jimmy: Am I meeting you at your nan's in a bit or what? Bill wants me on that ladder Janis: read that as meeting my nan, and no Janis: but yes to what you and Bill actually said Jimmy: I'll meet her on my own, tah, be a bit awkward if you're there an' all Janis: awkward when she smack you down, yeah Jimmy: that's the story we'll be giving you and your granddad Janis: you're disgusting and I hate you Jimmy: if nowt else I've killed the mood, you'll live Janis: I'm alone, I can be in whatever mood I like Janis: you're the one who needs to be 😇 Jimmy: they don't pay enough to make me be 😇 Janis: alright Janis: at least half paying attention Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 👻 manager will be buzzing Jimmy: he's too 💔 you've gone Jimmy: it's well #relatable Janis: wish he was the cute one Jimmy: bet he does an' all Janis: awh, Terry 😔 Jimmy: I wish he were the one that were gone Jimmy: could have you back then Janis: then wish every other customer would fuck off Jimmy: 🤞 goes without saying Janis: start a little fire? Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: if you share Jimmy: I don't reckon Alan fancies one but I'll ask Janis: Alan is definitely tee-total Janis: veggie, not vegan Jimmy: his missus'll be vegan and disappointed in him, that's what my 💰's on Janis: just LOVES milkly milky coffees Janis: can't quit Jimmy: that 🥛👨🏼 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: yeah, wish he'd leave Janis: so blatant Jimmy: just a lad with no fake girlfriend in sight Janis: you asked me to leave Jimmy: but Janis: but make time go faster Jimmy: it only does that bollocks when you don't want it to Janis: yeah Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: stop it, I'll 😭 Janis: no no Janis: got none left Jimmy: weird challenge but alright Janis: you're meant to be 😄 Jimmy: not if you're 🥺 Janis: just pretend it's cute pouting Jimmy: it's your face doing it Janis: is that an insult or a compliment Jimmy: it's that I don't have to pretend you look cute Janis: 😶 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: don't make me 😳 more dickhead Jimmy: alright yeah, you're still alone, that is a bit of a waste Janis: and it's rude Jimmy: I'll leave it out Janis: no Janis: I like it Janis: but I feel like a twat Jimmy: why? Janis: you make me so Janis: unsubtle Jimmy: we already said that weren't a bad thing Janis: it doesn't feel it when it's just us Jimmy: we don't have to go to this bollocks sleepover, you know Janis: I know Janis: but it would be good to do Janis: what do you think? Jimmy: I reckon we can get 💀👑 off the scale easy enough, it's always a piece of piss Jimmy: but there'll be loads more chances to do that without having to go to your house in the middle of nowt, if you don't want to Janis: let's do it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just weird Janis: with how we've fake acted Janis: and how we actually wanna Jimmy: yeah, but that bollocks has been doing our head in since day 1 Jimmy: nowt we can't handle Janis: 'course Jimmy: I meant what I said, we can bring the 🐕 to get the #s off us Janis: you have no idea how many 🐈s are about Jimmy: don't matter if they 💀💀💀 her, we'll find you another client Janis: you don't think we're going to have enough distractions as is? Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: she'll be 💔 when you leave though Janis: yeah, you'll have to do the hard work yourself, boy Janis: I've given her loads of attention Jimmy: I'm not 😱😱 of it, girl Jimmy: but well done for reading the rest of the room, Gracie excluded Janis: just saying, when you want a night off Janis: I'll give you that as well Jimmy: from them or you? Janis: whichever you want Jimmy: you're meant to say just from them if you're not 😱😱 of putting the work in either Janis: sounds like you want both when you bring it up Jimmy: it sounds like you want me to want both when you say bollocks like that Janis: alright, touche Janis: I meant from them, not me Jimmy: alright Janis: yeah? Janis: good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: what? Janis: is Nigel 👀 over your shoulder? Jimmy: do you want his attention? I can @ him, hang on Janis: duh Janis: bet he's a well good conversationalist Jimmy: that bollocking I had off him were 🔥🔥🔥 Janis: hot Janis: foreplay sorted Jimmy: from 🥶 to 🥵 Jimmy: how goals Janis: better not be calling me frgit Jimmy: nah, LITERALLY referring to my near 💀💀💀 experience, like Jimmy: #noteverythingisaboutyoubabes Janis: whoops Janis: awkward Jimmy: are you gonna tell me what you were 💭 or what? Janis: when? Jimmy: when you 🤔 @ me Janis: was thinking about Nigel Janis: or if you were actually alright, but I weren't going to ask again Jimmy: I'm 💔 that you keep banging on about Steve Janis: imagine if he was actually fit Jimmy: fuck that I need the tips Janis: I am purely in it for the tips Jimmy: 🎻 you're not fake dating Pete Janis: ??? whomst Jimmy: [a picture of him that Jimothy has awkwardly made him pose for] Jimmy: 🎸🤩 Janis: damn Janis: give me a good reference, tah Jimmy: I'll tell him ☕🍪🍪 Jimmy: see what he reckons Janis: yeah, vital info Janis: if he don't take it 2 sugars he'll have to learn how to Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he DON'T take sugar 😱 Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: is he diabetic or Janis: his teeth must be 😁 😍😍😍 Jimmy: he's scared of needles so 🤞 not Janis: he's adorable Jimmy: what kind of rock god Jimmy: 💰 on his mum or dad being a dentist Janis: 🤞 Janis: right, off you go then Janis: got a new schedule to memorize Jimmy: you never did this one, good luck, mate Janis: I will for Pete Jimmy: #savage Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: how long actually Jimmy: [a time which hopefully isn't that much longer now because he did go in early] Janis: 👏👏👏 Jimmy: is the 🐕 still 😱😱😱 like she were earlier? Janis: she's chilled out Janis: not fully, not a liar Jimmy: I'll 🗨 my sister to keep an eye on it Janis: she's had another 💩 break since her walk, so she'll be good for a while when I leave in a sec Jimmy: and they'll be back in a bit Janis: 👍 Janis: then I'll see you at my grandparents Jimmy: I'll have a 🌹 between my rotten 🦷🦷 Bill insists Jimmy: Dunno how I'm gonna say my lines Janis: you'll work out how to get a word in Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: #spitorswallow Jimmy: what could be more romantic? Jimmy: 🌹🩸😘 Janis: why you gotta give me that visual Jimmy: you know why Janis: but Janis: 🧛 Jimmy: I remember, it just feels like fucking ages Janis: I don't even know how long it actually has been but Janis: I said I miss you Janis: understatement Jimmy: hang on 🥇💡 Janis: ? Jimmy: your new boyfriend's gonna finish up here for me Janis: serious? Janis: that's why I have to 💘 Jimmy: don't make me have to smack him before I've covered for him next week, weren't the plan Janis: I'm not in his DMs yet, don't worry Jimmy: tah Janis: you have to be nice to him, so I 🤐 Jimmy: I'm leaving now, be nice to me Janis: I will be Janis: I couldn't be more ready to see you Jimmy: how long do we have until your fit nan comes back? Janis: she works late all the time Janis: we should have an hour or so easy Jimmy: then that pisstake of a 🚍 Janis: exactly Janis: might be a few people coming home but still Jimmy: I'll take a few dickheads over every 👀 going past the CG Janis: whoever wants can 👀 as long as they keep it shut, like Jimmy: Oi, I still have to get there Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 me before I can Janis: okay Janis: keep it all in my 🧠 Jimmy: if I had better words for how much I've missed you, you could have them Janis: your words are good Janis: and lack of is okay too Janis: you'll show me Jimmy: I have to, I need you to know Janis: I want to know Janis: that you missed me too, just as much Jimmy: I'll make sure you do Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanna keep talking to you Janis: don't let me fuck it up again, yeah Jimmy: we'll not fuck it up together, alright? Jimmy: you stop me from being a twat and I'll stop you Janis: it's a deal Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: when you get here Jimmy: can you 👀 me from the closest we're getting to a balcony yet or what? Janis: hold on Janis: weren't prepared to look out wistfully Jimmy: might be a bit far, can't 🏃 and 🚬 Janis: it's like you want me to joke about your stamina Jimmy: do it now while you still can then Janis: love it when you threaten me with a good time, like Jimmy: can't promise nowt but 💅💄 in a bit so I reckon it's the least I can do to not make you wanna 🔪 yourself before we get there Janis: at least we can make all of them wanna 🔪 themselves with how #goals we are Jimmy: and 💀👑 'cause we're much better fake mates to have an' all Janis: of course Janis: even with the gross amounts of PDA they'll have to suffer Janis: lord knows what she makes 'em 👀👂 Jimmy: if we don't split 'em apart soon she'll be getting them involved next Janis: step 1 to a cult is 'free love' everyone knows Jimmy: don't drink nowt I don't give you tonight, like Janis: 👍 I took the best I could find but only wanna get that level 🥴 fucked up Jimmy: be alright, I'll protect you for once Janis: you've protected me loads Jimmy: I'm not asking for a list, I know I'm such a 🥇🏆💪 lad Janis: not just carrying me though Jimmy: right Janis: you're not a total dickhead Janis: shocking I know, but sincerely Jimmy: just a massive one, I know Jimmy: and that's your type anyway Janis: yeah Janis: but the good kind Janis: not 💀👑 type Janis: like that computer project when she was such a prick Janis: and you were decent Jimmy: I'll take that compliment Janis: have it Jimmy: I've been there, knobheads 🗨 bollocks about my family Jimmy: ones who know me and who don't Jimmy: she were out of order and she's only been more of a prick since Jimmy: no need to even like you to hate her Janis: she is that much of a delight Janis: not to be 'you get it' about it but yeah Jimmy: I don't want a night off til she takes one Janis: then I'm gonna do the most to make that happen Jimmy: I could just 💀💀💀 her tonight for you Janis: not how you're gonna 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: however you want, but if that's what you want I'll struggle a bit Janis: never ever Janis: not enough bleach to scrub you with/my eyes/my 🧠 Jimmy: you'd have to just fully dissolve me 💀🦷🦴🦷🦴 Janis: skeleton fake boyfriend, you say? Janis: hmm Jimmy: sounds like a 👻's piss poor sidekick Jimmy: don't fancy it Janis: 🥇 or nothing forever tbh Jimmy: right answer, that Janis: thank you, I'd take a bow but don't wanna go falling out my balcony Jimmy: Oi, don't be overshadowing my dramatic speech Jimmy: act 2, scene 2 Janis: if you'd hurry up and get here to start it, I wouldn't be stood here like a div waiting for you Janis: probably curtain twitchers thinking I'm robbing the place or something Jimmy: [appears and does recite it like a massive nerd obviously] Janis: [like when you don't wanna be impressed but you are 'cos boy, how and when, pop off, just loling and dramatically calling him up the ladder with the random bits of script she remembers] Jimmy: [just a casual bit of basically word perfect shakespeare as he's climbing up nbd, oh Jimothy ILY and kissing her when he's barely at the top, lowkey gonna fall off this ladder cos there's no chill] Janis: [telling him he's such a nerd between kisses but there's zero fronting when you want him this bad, get inside kids, hope the neighbours are watching like what in the world lol] Jimmy: [we know anything he tries to say in response isn't coming out as words so I'm impressed you can gal] Janis: [not gonna let you be cockblocked now though 'cos later with be a trial so have at it, live your best lives] Jimmy: [ngl won't let you be cockblocked later either because fuck the flatwhites and live your best lives always] Janis: [true tea but glad you are actually alone for once for this proper reunion 'cos gonna be so loud] Jimmy: [do need some actual privacy sometimes, exhibitionists though they are and probably will be on the longest bus ride ever] Janis: [just be finished before Tess is home or awkwarrrrrrrrd] Jimmy: [the dog(s) will warn you that she's coming back I'm sure] Janis: [don't wanna have that awkward 'just me' chat whilst he runs away, but am gonna make that happen for my own lols] Jimmy: [we gotta because yeah it's amusing, I hope you fitted a shower in too kids because gotta show up looking #goals so mia is devastated] Janis: [a moment too, you had enough time so I insist] Jimmy: [yeah it's always a #mood and you would] Janis: [now go get this bus from hell hohaha] Jimmy: [I'm cackling because all the lovebites you two would have once again, look away Tess and bus peeps] Janis: [just like nan don't you say anything, not got time for this beef lol] Jimmy: [Tess just like 👀] Janis: [lmao running from this house like cya never gal just sneaking into your spare room as I please] Jimmy: [we should say this bus is lowkey really full at least at first for the lols] Janis: [it is clearly clocking off time so real, even if they get off before your house in the middle of nowhere] Jimmy: [shameless excuse to only have one seat that we're all here for] Janis: [so #intoit] Jimmy: [just touching every lovebite of hers that he can can without it being indecent like okay all that really just happened, thank god] Janis: [turning her head as much as she can in that position to smile at him and touch a lovebite on him herself] Jimmy: [kissing her cos she cute af] Janis: [turning her whole self fully so she's still in his lap but facing him so they can have a makeout moment] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [at least whoever is sat next to you can be offended enough you can't keep going] Jimmy: [someone sick of their office job 9-5 we 👀 you gutted that you're not a teen in love] Janis: [soz you're old and bitter we aren't soz though] Jimmy: [good excuse to teach her some more shady sign language though thanks] Janis: [need that] Jimmy: [you can use it when the gals are doing your head in later] Janis: [it's a good code for get me out of here etc whenever y'all need it] Jimmy: [yeah cos as much as I LOVE when you write on her jimothy it would be hard to decode depending what you say so you can't always and you could literally do this from across a room if you need to] Janis: [all the codes honey, lord knows you need it when these gals are testing you] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [drawing a thumbs up and question mark on him now 'cos why not honey] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling because she did your thing to you and also you actually are happy rn so well done for answering a question babe] Janis: [gotta look away and grin because he's so cute] Jimmy: [doing their feelsy lean thing as a way of asking her if she's alright too even though you know the answer really you just wanna] Janis: [nudging him back like stop killing me] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair in a soft way like I dunno what you could possibly mean 😇 but we all know enough time has not passed yet since he would have been doing it not in a soft way when they were hooking up] Janis: [lil grumpy face like boy and mouthing 'don't start' 'cos we know you don't need an excuse to be extra rn] Jimmy: [running his thumb over her pouty little bottom lip because we love annoying the bae and the annoying person next to us] Janis: [taking that thumb into your mouth like you aren't in public 'cos fuck everyone on this bus lmao] Jimmy: [regrets he has a few, he doesn't at all really but he is dying now obvs] Janis: [we're 😏] Jimmy: [gotta wipe that smirk off her face with your own saucy behaviour not soz bus peeps so get that earlobe boy] Janis: [#shooketh noise, then whispering in his 'now who's the vampire?'] Jimmy: [touches a particularly epic lovebite she's given him and then looks at her like I reckon it's still you] Janis: [looking at it like hmm 'well, you earnt it' and then a LOOK] Jimmy: [giving her a LOOK back because always and then writing 'you' over a particularly epic love bite he gave her like you earnt yours too gal] Janis: [shivers] Jimmy: [we're kissing, deal with it everyone] Janis: [we know how this is, not concerned whatever you might say/tut people soz] Jimmy: [we're barely aware that any of y'all are here rn so] Janis: [rinse and repeat getting worse as more people leave 'cos duh] Jimmy: [we know what the vibe is] Janis: [gotta brace yourself for going into this storm/house] Jimmy: [we can skip to that if you want] Janis: [go for it] Jimmy: [have fun crashing this fun fest lads] Janis: [gonna say Ali is there too for the sheer awks lol] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [sorry gal your extra mother is here to say bonjour] Jimmy: [I'll give you a break and say Billie isn't there rn so it's not a literal full house] Janis: [yeah, be very rude to do a full meet the family moment lmao] Jimmy: [I won't make you have to have a convo about why she's paralysed at this precise moment] Janis: [so many convos we don't need to have yet, being so off with your mum lowkey is a bit weird enough Jimmy: [Jimothy would look like such a rude hoe because he's uncomfortable around mums, this is why the fam think you're a bad boy though sir when you actually the softest ever] Janis: [we leaving that convo as fast as we can soz Ali] Jimmy: [not a good first impression but not as bad as it could've gone if you hadn't even had that and then just walked in on something or whatever lol] Janis: [she'll live, gonna have to go to your room 'cos gotta get the 😒 out before being your fake self] Jimmy: [gotta bring it if you wanna steal the flatwhites from mia you can't be going in before you're ready] Janis: [in this bare room like woo] Jimmy: [he's noticed but he's not gonna be a dick about it because now is not the time] Janis: ['nightmare, right?' from lying down on her bed 'cos what he said about fit ones earlier] Jimmy: ['not as much of one as you' because just gotta tell her she's the most beautiful ever but in the least feelsy way possible] Janis: [throwing a pillow] Jimmy: [chucks it back at her obvs] Janis: [sitting up like excuse me] Jimmy: [comes and sits next to her because he wasn't before] Janis: [cue hearing them giggling or some shit from the other room like oh god] Jimmy: [🙄 and signs something shady about them like let's go fully deaf rn tbh] Janis: [does something back but gets it slightly wrong 'cos you know] Jimmy: [just corrects her like gimme your hand gal, and shows her how to do it because any chance to touch her we're always taking] Janis: ['how do I tell them to do one without it being obvious?' all the hand gestures] Jimmy: [a little lol but spells out some insults letter by letter because takes longer but they won't have a clue that way] Janis: [practising to kill time and stay alone] Jimmy: [eventually doing the 👍? drawing on her like she did on the bus for that nice parallel because she knew he was then and this time he knows she's not] Janis: [getting up in response like of course 'let's do this then' and holding out your hand like come on] Jimmy: [taking that hand and using it to pull her into a hug because he knows gal and he's not loving the idea of leaving this room either so] Janis: ['not got time' but nudging him to let him know you're only joking about his one-track mind now] Jimmy: [dramatically shhing her as if the flatwhites are gonna hear her turning him down and realise they've been duped but we're likewise only joking] Janis: [rolls her eyes but obvs at the thought of them 'do them good to hear what a no is'] Jimmy: [a grimace because true and also true of his ex which is something we don't wanna dwell on 'I get it, that's your ultimate goal' like okay we're gonna reprogram the cult that way are we] Janis: [shrugs 'just want the pleasure of pulling the trigger myself, like you said'] Jimmy: [shrugs back but also moves away like he's leaving room for Jesus or something with a lil nod like there you go] Janis: [raises a brow like ? but doesn't say anything 'cos thinking 'what's our excuse for bursting in on 'em?'] Jimmy: ['do we need one? sounds like a right laugh in there' oh the sarcasm and bants] Janis: ['yeah, be that as it may, you're meant to wanna be in here alone with me, dickhead-' then puts her finger up like aha 💡 and drags him like let's go] Jimmy: [is about to say that that's what he does want but then she gets her brainwave so that spares him and obvs we're just being dragged along] Janis: [gonna WELL SUBTLY imply you've run out of condoms and do any of you gals have some, soz bit embarrassing boy but you know also a #flex, then you can just be like ooh what you up to like you care lol] Jimmy: [Grace just going to her drawer where she keeps all her hoe shit like I got you gal while Mia and Ella are appalled as if they aren't even bigger hoes and Asia not getting the 'subtlety' so Hollie is explaining like] Janis: [having to pretend you're embarrassed to endear yourself to 'em like full 🙈 but trying not to lose it at how mad #1 & #2 are and how stupid Asia is, like don#t catch the baes eye rn] Jimmy: [at least trying not to lol and pretending you are embarrassed look pretty similar thank god, and then you can do her nails boy because that's blatantly what they were doing but it's more #goals that you want to and will do a good job] Janis: [I vote toenails 'cos it's already a bizarrely intimate task actually so would be 😳 by the end of it] Jimmy: [and then he can be like do you want anything to drink or any of the snacks because she won't be able to move til they are dry- Grace blatantly would have smudged hers already because of her willingness to help Janis at any point and because she's a clumsy bitch so Mia is already annoyed- as a way to let the gals know they have both of these things so Mia will be angrier] Janis: [just like bring 'em all, we'll share, let's party lollololol] Jimmy: [he obvs does and obvs kissing her like he's been gone for a thousand years when it was like a sec purely for the gals not because he's that extra oh no] Janis: [we just really out here reminding everyone we came for condoms pop off kids] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Hollie immediately going for the snacks because she's so done with Mia's shit at this point] Janis: [get yours gal, we're drinking, of course] Jimmy: [very necessary in order to stay sane and coupley sharing is an added bonus] Janis: [painting your nails boy so next time there's chance to go you cannot take it lol] Jimmy: [but are you doing black or are you doing a silly colour] Janis: [you're lucky it isn't some shade of beige tbh, go black though] Jimmy: [latte coloured lol] Janis: [Hollie would've brought some black, edgy hoe] Jimmy: [she absolutely would, all the colours too, fuck you gals] Janis: [live a little huns] Jimmy: [Oh yeah when she painted his nails before Grace put it on her stories so they don't even have to do the work so that's a yes from me] Jimmy: [and Mia suggested a game like never have I ever to try and show Janis up because of course she did but they turned it around and made it couple goals because 1. they can answer for each other like lol we know each other so well now bye and 2. and Mia would be fuming cos her and Pablo are not and what are you gonna do gal facetime him, I don't think so] Janis: [good thinking, and we've got a bottle so all the games can come out now, honestly is Pablo even still about babes, so salty] Jimmy: [all the gals have to drink now and you can't say shit hun, also Grace got upset about it in the OG because her love life is a shambles but in this instance could be about Pablo cos Mia's shown she's that bitch and Jimothy was like go after her before anyone else can because nothing would annoy Mia more] Janis: [just getting Ella to ask really graphic and specific ones she clearly knows Mia has done so they all have to think about that 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [how gross and how legit for exactly what she would do] Janis: [off you pop then gals, trying not to vom about that, have you no shame Mia] Janis: stay safe, don't let them 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: I'll drink the nail polish remover before I let these lasses near me Janis: loyal to the end 💘 Janis: what is 🍾 if not one step up from acetone so Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: be why Asia's asking me how to make some lad more #goals before she cracks onto him Janis: 🙄 Janis: just don't let slip about your entirely fake personality Jimmy: be in good company if I did do Janis: no, she's really that thick Jimmy: reckon I should warn him? @ [this lad's real socials whatever they are because of course she's shown him as if he would know the kid or ever talks to anyone] Janis: well he is your best mate Janis: nah, looks like a dickhead, can probably handle himself Jimmy: sure you don't want him for yourself then? Janis: so she can have you Janis: not a wife swap I'm interested in Jimmy: so you can have a bigger dickhead and she can eat her feelings Janis: is she? Jimmy: she would be if she were 💔 over you taking her lad Janis: I'll do my best to casually drop that into the conversation Janis: you look the other way, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we're making popcorn Janis: the empty calories, the horror Jimmy: the real 😱😱 will be when one of 'em tries to hold my hand as I go to grab some of that 🍿 Jimmy: you're gonna have to chuck it at me Janis: ugh Janis: are you gonna be 💪🏆 enough? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: are we gonna have to watch some bollocks film an' all? Janis: what sleepover would be complete without a chick-flick? Jimmy: UGH Janis: don't ugh at me so agressively Janis: I'm sure they'll let you pick and be 😍 when you get it right Jimmy: Titanic, I remember Janis: you know how long that film is Janis: do you wanna be bored to death or what Jimmy: weren't planning to watch it, but alright, if you're sticking to yours of teaching 'em to say no I'll pick something else Janis: obviously the plan isn't to ignore you for the duration Jimmy: you'd be fucked if it were Janis: really Janis: you think you're that irresistible, yeah? Jimmy: it ain't about what I think Jimmy: your 🧠 been on the one track all day, Jasmine Janis: you reckon I can't? Jimmy: it don't matter, you can't accept the challenge around them and keep things #goals Janis: well I can Janis: don't have to let you finger fuck me or return the favour Jimmy: such a romantic, you Jimmy: go on then, resist me Janis: well, what else does watch a movie mean if we're not watching it Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: never said you were on the wrong track Janis: won't be hard Janis: Mia's chat hasn't put me in the mood Jimmy: chuffed to hear you aren't raring to go after all that bollocks Janis: not as 😭 as gracie but that's nothing new Jimmy: I'll stick the 🎻🎵 on for her Janis: Titanic'll do then, you were rigt Janis: right* Jimmy: can't help having 🥇💡 me Janis: what else would you fill that giant head with Jimmy: 🚬 smoke Jimmy: you coming? Janis: alright Janis: come down and bring the bowls up 🍿 so she don't wanna come with Jimmy: [does] Janis: [go outside to your lil porch moment] Jimmy: [we all know you already need the break lads] Janis: [pretending we aren't arsed but no one needs to hear it, like] Jimmy: [Jimothy just having a 🚬 and whistling a bit of Celine Dion like a nerd] Janis: [trying to shoot him a can you not look but can't not lol a bit] Jimmy: [changes his whistle to the funeral march cos they wanna die] Janis: [shakes her head 'cheery'] Jimmy: [chucks his lighter at her so she can wave it like they do at concerts 'go on then, request something'] Janis: [for some reason lowkey panics like idk, why have you sprung this on me 'do one of your favourites'] Jimmy: [does one of the shit songs they'd play at the CG on a loop so she'd have heard it there for the pisstake] Janis: ['sounds about right' like you #basic] Jimmy: [chucks something at her like an outdoor cushion or whatever like oi because it's been so long since they've had a playfight] Janis: [getting one of your own to whack him with 'why don't you do one of Pete's?'] Jimmy: [is so lowkey 😒 but hides it by pretending that he's so 💔 he doesn't know all of Pete's songs off by heart and getting up his band page to play some bops] Janis: [OTT 😍 'he's SO talented' like she doesn't even know what instrument he is or if he's singing lol] Jimmy: [😒 af but we're forever in the #bants so we gotta leave a 👍 as a comment for these lads] Janis: [snatching his phone like you're gonna comment yourself but just being nosy with it] Jimmy: [smoke rings because we're so jealous but we gotta pretend it's chill] Janis: [oh Pete, just on his socials now 'this his girlfriend?' in a OMG you could've told me/I'm devastated kinda way] Jimmy: [shrugs without even looking because he genuinely doesn't know much about Pete yet cos he's an antisocial hoe and I doubt Pete's chatting up a storm to most of his coworkers at the CG either tbh] Janis: [tuts like honestly but puts the phone down 'cos over the #bants as he's not biting, 'let me look at your nails' an excuse for closeness to inspect like you better not have smudged 'em, boy] Jimmy: [raises an eyebrow like really but obvs does let her] Janis: ['nail art is my passion' so serious proper inspecting every finger, putting his thumb to her lips for the bus mems and looking at him like hey] Jimmy: [can't even be in a sulk anymore because the bae is just your fave, touching her hair for the bus and everything that happened before mems] Janis: [holding your breath and closing your eyes 'cos #overwhelmed] Jimmy: [very soft kiss on her forehead because he's that cute nerd] Janis: [breathing out, 'do I have to ignore you?'] Jimmy: [kissing her properly but still soft so she can decide if she's gonna kiss him back or not like up to you gal] Janis: [obviously does] Jimmy: [just having a nice little makeout moment] Janis: ['you're gonna miss the popcorn'] Jimmy: ['subtle hint' like oh do you want some popcorn do you babe] Janis: [pushes him, gently lol, 'was you buzzin' off the handholding'] Jimmy: [holds her hand like well I'm alright now then aren't I] Janis: [pulls away like eww 😏 'not as sweaty as Tammy though, come on'] Jimmy: ['my nails are more goals an' all' 😏 we going in though] Janis: ['mine are the best though'] Jimmy: ['still gotta crack on with my masterpiece though, remind us in a bit'] Janis: ['I'll do something inspiring to make you remember'] Jimmy: [I vote Mia should have picked and started a film in the living room already cos she's a rude hoe so they should go sit next to her to annoy her like budge up Ella you fat bitch] Janis: [the realest lmao] Jimmy: [everyone is on their phones already so bored] Janis: [the film will be next level crap obvs, doubt she even likes it, just loud whispering about everything from the plot to the popcorn] Jimmy: [jimothy just asking Grace to get the face masks out at a normal volume because she obvs will] Janis: [shushing him like omg] Jimmy: [shading Mia by SUBTLY implying she won't mind because she needs one] Janis: [talking about some skincare she definitely don't need like omg lifesaver babe trust me] Jimmy: [just touching her face lovingly and giving it the OTT heart eyes like yeah it's clearly working for the bae] Janis: [just going on about his perfect face and how lucky he is not to need nothing like where's the lie] Jimmy: [being all like this is why I wanna do a facemask can you BELIEVE I have never gals] Janis: [fully biting our cheeks not to lol rn like oh boy] Jimmy: [Grace buzzing she can leave to go get everyone a mask like thanks babes] Janis: [definitely make them take a lovely unflattering mask selfie lol[ Jimmy: [and loads of cute coupley ones of you two cos we know you still look great] Janis: [just those bitches we been knew] Jimmy: [gotta 'accidentally' chuck his at Ella cos hate you two gal because it's slimy and gross and he's not about it, like oh soz totally weren't aiming for you but you're close to the bin there gal] Janis: [we know she's gonna be seething, if she weren't so weak would definitely brawl you alas, at least you can go off to the bathroom to wash it off him as he's so offended by it and be extra in the process] Jimmy: [I like to imagine that her horrified reaction 'accidentally' made it into the tik tok Hollie was making so she's extra raging, jimothy just like gotta go before this shit fetches my freckles off bye] Jimmy: [god bless that downstairs bathroom so you can leave the door open the whole time, hope there's some popcorn left for that show ladies] Janis: [I hope you're out now Alison, probably 'cos can't stand Mia and Ella] Jimmy: [we know you'd still have an epic social life it's fine] Janis: [just taking your opportunity to pretend you're giggling at whatever he's doing to you 'cos not over Ella's face lol] Jimmy: [and tbf he is lowkey gonna have a water fight with you splashing up a storm because that bitch, don't die Billie when you eventually get back] Janis: [thank god it's likely a wet room sitch so we aren't going to kill her lol, also no hiding how soaked you are in your tiny PJs jussayin] Jimmy: [not saying he had those motives but we're not mad it happened though the gals will be when you give her something of yours to wear] Janis: [may as well make this performance as real as possible] Jimmy: [so gutted you've missed half this film by now I'm sure] Janis: [hear how devvo we are gals lol] Jimmy: [nothing makes me happier than how raging those two are and like JJ have barely had to do anything] Janis: [Grace just turning the volume up 'cos clearly won't leave no matter how pissed off we are like we're watching this film] Jimmy: [Grace babe you need to leave this friendship group] Janis: [coming back in like you're shook they're there like you totally forgot what you were even doing before] Jimmy: [give them both an oscar asap] Janis: [uploading your #content and an excuse to be on your phone for a sec] Janis: have you thought of anything you wanna do after Jimmy: Is that another one of your subtle hints or what? Janis: what am I hinting? Jimmy: might be you want me to decide or you already have done and you wanna tell me your 🥇💡 Janis: or I'm just asking Janis: 'cos I wanna know Jimmy: been a bit busy making 💀👑 bloody 🤬 but when we get her to 🤯 I'll have a 💭 Janis: don't act like I've done nothing Jimmy: never said that Janis: you implied it Jimmy: I said we Janis: oh Jimmy: what's up? Janis: just misread it Jimmy: you're alright then? Janis: aren't you? Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: what's wrong? Jimmy: we're in a ⚫️ of bollocks here now, you ain't even answered the question you're just re-asking it Janis: I'm fine, you're the one who brought it up Jimmy: 👍 Janis: good talk Jimmy: can't all be poetry, mate Janis: 💔 I'm sure Jimmy: there'll be a 🎻 playing in a bit, I'm sure Janis: sure 💀#2 is 🥇 string, mate Jimmy: she'd be smashing us over the head with it if she could lift it off the floor Janis: you did silence of the lambs her Jimmy: TOTAL accident that Janis: mm yeah Jimmy: like how wet you are Janis: excuse me Jimmy: you heard Janis: VERY deliberate, you mean Jimmy: don't sound like me or something I would do, girl Janis: look, if you don't wanna take responsibility for making me wet, we can find someone else to take the blame, I'm sure Jimmy: won't be this film though Janis: 🙄 Janis: seriously Jimmy: you wanna go do LITERALLY owt else? Janis: thought you'd never ask Jimmy: come on then Janis: [dramatically sighs and snuggles down into his lap hardcore like, oh, I'm SO sleepy, please take me to bed immediately] Jimmy: [picks her up and carries her away even though there's no need] Janis: [throwing a 'enjoy your evening' over his shoulder as a total afterthought 'cos obvs so 😍 when you are out of sight though, actual face like freedom at last] Jimmy: [could put her down when you're out of sight but doesn't] Janis: [we thinking see, you love it, but we're not saying it] Jimmy: [he knows so he pretends he's gonna drop her but doesn't do that either obvs] Janis: [at least the 'don't you dare!' can sound goals if you aren't totally out of earshot/they're stalking you up the stairs lmao] Jimmy: [okay so my 🎨 idea I randomly had was like he's pissing about tickling her and 'drawing on her' with a clean paintbrush but there's no way she can work out what he's actually drawing so then he does one of those pinterest basic bitch paintings on her back actually but to make it the least cringe we can because never just for the #fans it's the fish tank from that™ romeo and juliet scene they talked about] Janis: [I LOVE THAT you clever nugget, need that, lowkey actually so impressed with his talent™] Jimmy: [nice throwback to when Ali was always painting on Carly so it made my heart happy and I thought cooler than just drawing her because he said lemme paint you not lemme paint a picture of you and he'd have to take a pic so she could see it properly so that's #content] Jimmy: [AND they'd have to wash it off eventually so that's a bath moment we can still have because I didn't get #bathgate] Janis: [and it must happen] Jimmy: [how intimate is washing something else's back though goodbye] Janis: [we're really having all the moments today] Jimmy: [like if you don't wash her hair for her too who are you boy] Janis: [is this day 1 of being friends again, why you so extraaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [they're 15, that's all we need to say] Janis: [cue tayswizzle] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's not in the bath he's outside of it like that Effy scene and the big brother/dad that he is] Janis: [somehow way more intimate, like would you like to get in boy] Jimmy: [right? we're really doing something today] Janis: [feels get us through without a freakout] Jimmy: [likewise, we're so shook to actually have the bae back that nothing is fully hitting us yet] Janis: [that's the tea on today baby] Jimmy: [is there anything else we wanna happen or is the vibe that they're gonna hook up til they legit do fall asleep?] Janis: [probably that, like they can go piss about outside in the barn like we said but it'll just be more cute] Jimmy: [a lot has happened today feels wise so if you wanna post this I am down]

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Why Do So Many Bisexuals End Up In “Straight” Relationships?

Turns out the "straight" path isn't so straight.

for when I was called upon to explain my sexual orientation to the confused: “I’m half gay. Only on my mom’s side of the family.”

I’m one of those people who’d always misguidedly “hated labels,” and I actively eschewed the term “bisexual” for years. I went on to date a number of trans guys, and in my mind, “bi” was also indicative of a gender binary I didn’t believe existed. I’ve since come to understand that actually, the “bi” implies attraction not to two genders, but to members of both one’s own and other genders, and that the bisexual umbrella includes a wide rainbow of labels connoting sexual fluidity. These days, I wear the “bisexual” label proudly.

Given all that struggle and growth, my current situation might come as a surprise: I’m in a committed, long-term relationship with a cisgender man who identifies as straight—just like a startling majority of other bisexual women.

Dan Savage once observed that “most adult bisexuals, for whatever reason, wind up in opposite-sex relationships.” Whether or not you’re a fan of Savage (or his sometimes dubious takes on bisexuality), the statistics support his assertion: The massive 2013 Pew Research LGBT Survey found 84 percent of self-identified bisexuals in committed relationships have a partner of the opposite sex, while only 9 percent are in same-sex relationships.

As someone who has spent way too much time convincing people—gay and straight alike—that my bisexuality actually exists, that “for whatever reason” modifier of Savage’s has long vexed me. What isthe reason? Because on the surface, the fact that 84 percent of bisexuals eventually wind up in opposite-sex partnerships could appear to support the notion that bisexuality is, as people so often insist, actually either “just a phase” or a stepping-stone on the path to “full-blown gayness.” Knowing that wasn’t true, I decided to investigate.

Some of my initial suppositions included internalized homophobia, fear of community and family rejection, and concerns over physical safety. Although being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you’re equally attracted to multiple genders, it does seem feasible that these sorts of concerns could push a person with fluid attractions in the direction deemed more socially acceptable.

Although there’s a dearth of research into whether these factors are actually prompting bisexuals to choose relationships that appear “straight” to the outside world, there’s no shortage of researchrevealing that bisexuals live under uniquely intense pressures within the LGBTQ community: In addition to facing heightened risks for cancer, STIs, and heart disease, bisexuals also experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, and are significantly more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors or attempt suicide than heterosexuals, gays, or lesbians. It isn’t difficult to imagine that for some, the promise of a bit more social currency and safety could be compelling reasons to seek out an opposite-sex partner, even unconsciously.

But there’s actually a much simpler, more obvious, and more likely explanation for the reason so many bisexuals wind up in opposite-sex partnerships: The odds fall enormously in their favor.

Americans have a well-documented tendency to drastically overestimate the percentage of queer folks among us. Polls have revealed that while most people believe LGBTQ people make up a full 23 percent of the population, but the number is actually closer to a scant 3.8 percent. So not only is it statistically more likely more likely that a bisexual person will wind up with a partner of the opposite sex; it’s equally likely that they’ll wind up with someone from the over 96 percent of the population who identifies as straight.

As anyone currently braving the world of dating knows, finding true love is no easy feat. There likely aren’t a ton of people on this planet—let alone within your geography or social circles—whose moral compass, sense of humor, Netflix addictions, dietary restrictions, and idiosyncrasies sync up with yours closely enough to make you want to hitch your wagon to them for the long-haul (and the internet is making us all even picker). Add to that the fact that due to persistent biphobia, a large number of gay men and lesbians still flat-out refuse to date bisexuals, and it becomes even more apparent that the deep ends of our relatively narrow dating pools are, for bisexuals, overwhelmingly populated by straight people—folks who, for bi women at least, are also more likely to boldly swim on over and ask us out.

It’s also worth keeping in mind that although plenty of bisexuals enjoy monogamy, not all people in committed relationships choose to be monogamous. Bisexuals in committed, opposite-gender relationships (including marriages) may very well have arrangements with their partners that allow them to enjoy secondary relationships with members of the same gender.