#maribel-bat

[hellsitegenetics]

been following you for a while and finally got the courage to send an ask! i love seeing every ask get basically assigned an animal, it gives them a lot of personality. honestly hope i get some sort of weird mammal from this, there's so many that would be interesting. but lets be real. its going to be a bug. they're always bugs. this is going to be a bug.

String identified: g a a a gt t cag t a a! g a gt aca ag a aa, t g t a t at. t gt t aa t, t' a tat ttg. t t a. t gg t a g. t' aa g. t gg t a g.

Closest match: Raja brachyura genome assembly, chromosome: 30 Common name: Blonde ray

(image source)

[cyberdragoninfinity]

was thinking about this since there's the action duel event in duel links, what's your opinion on the action duels in the actual arc-v anime?

OH THIS IS A GREAT QUESTION i looove action duels. i love a funny Spinoff Series Duel Gimmick, i think theyre so SO fun. but also like everything else in arc-v action duels are....hm. it's very 'the concept here kicks ass but the actual execution in show is DETERMINED to throw itself off a cliff" LMAO

LIKE THEYRE SO COOL ON PAPER. AND FOR LIKE ALL OF SEASON 1. youve got this natural progression of Solid Vision where the sets and the monsters have physical mass to them and are also kind of alive but dont worry about it, you can climb around on shit and RIDE YOUR MONSTERS!!! and duck and weave and explore and it's so fuckin cool, it's got such a crazy kinetic energy to it that just entrances me. I didn't realize until literally like a couple days ago that the Japanese game show influence is HUGE wrt the way duelists navigate Action Fields and scramble to grab Action Cards and such and it's such a such a fun vibe to bring to the ever-evolving depiction of this insane card game. It's like if a yugioh duel was also Wipeout but was also an old Nickelodeon kids' game show but was also the battle at the beginning of a pkmn movie but was also an old crash bandicoot game. fucking obsessed with them

And the Action Fields in season 1, these critical Duel Settings, are also just especially so cool, and it's frustrating that after that point we kind of just Dont Get Action Fields until literally the last few duels in the series. 'Crossover' is barely an Action Field let's be so real. It turns the immediate area into a platforming minigame but it is not nearly on the level of MASS SWORD GRAVE DUEL FIELD or TURN PARADISE CITY INTO ZOOTOPIA DUEL FIELDS.

and i think that's kind of just another unfortunate element of how much the wheels on arc-v's quality/storytelling start falling off by mid season 2 and 3. it's like seeing budget cuts in real time. we can't do Cool Volcano Field anymore. get on the Bland Floating Platforms.

at least we'll always have yuya's hippo showgirls

but anyway. i think the one (1) big issue Action Duels have, and the one thing about them that has me a bit Agonized watching action duels is the GODDAMN ACTION CARDS. FOR SOME REASON THE WAY DUEL LINKS IMPLEMENTED THEM IS LIKE LEAPS AND BOUNDS BETTER THAN IT IS IN THE SHOW. Like the way in DL you have to carefully pick out your 3 Action cards, they have to fit the 10 point quota the game gives you, they need to work With your deck and not Critically Carry Your Deck and Your Ass, I wish all of that was how they were in the anime!! Would make things more interesting!!

Cuz like in the show it's more 'ok random burst of Action Cards is scattered on the field' which could be cool but then the writing doesn't do anything remotely unique with them 90% of the time. They're like the Plot Crutch of all time in-show. It really just has this vibe of "it doesnt matter if your dueling sucks if you just grab the asspull action card that's in every single action duel that just Makes Your Opponents' Attack Miss" and thats just what Yuya does for like. every action duel he's in. other people have talked more eloquently about it but you really kind of realize just how BAD Yuya is at dueling when you sit and look at duels he won because he pulled the Convenient Ass-Saving Action Spell at the last minute and not because of anything he did with his dueling ability. And I do love me some Yugioh Plot Ass Pulls but here it just never feels earned... just like a bunch of other shit in arc-v HJDFGSDF. it just feels like the writers backing themselves into a corner and popping an Evasion Ex Machina. I Am So Goddamn Tired of Seeing Evasion. Miracle is Also On Thin Ice

THERE JUST HAD TO HAVE BEEN BETTER WAYS THEY COULD HAVE IMPLEMENTED THIS FEATURE. like idk make action cards more like speed spells in 5ds where theyre already IN your deck. or. or. oh the world if action cards in the show were more like a Chopped Basket where you get a set random selection of them predetermined before the duel and then characters have to really figure out how to use them creatively to help bolster their deck. life could be a dream

tl;dr I LIKE ACTION DUELS A LOT AND I THINK THEYRE SOME OF THE MOST FUN 'GIMMICK' YUGIOH DUELS. BUT WHY DID THEY MAKE ACTION CARDS LIKE THAT wish they were used in a more interesting way!! wish we got to see more insane duel fields past season one!! really curious to see how theyre handled in the arc-v manga. yugo stuck in the volcano field to look at if you dont like my posts

[secondbeatsongs]

trick or treat!

happy halloween!

[leylinefount]

[the-ultimate-squish]

[theamaus]

New rook just dropped

Pic 1: Maribel “Rook” Mercar, reaper, necRomancer (eyyyy), early 30s

Pic 2: idk I just love a wedding AU. I imagine Rooks very Tevinter human family being a little fought off guard by their dwarves daughters new husband but they’d learn to like him eventually

Pic 3: my rooks eyes are ass. She constantly misses easy jumps and gets shot or hit where all my other rooms would have parried or dodged so I conclude she must be blind as a bat. It’s cannon now.

[fe-fictions]

I’m so happy I found your blog again, i really thought I’d never be able to read all the lon’que fics again ;-;

I have one of my favorite fics still missing and i honestly can’t fully recall if it’s yours but i hope it is, but it was one where Lonqu gets possessed and hurts robin, the tie him to post and he’s all angry and sad that he hurt his wife. Something like that

(I just found a massive archive of Lonk fics in my Docs of like 75 pages... and it includes this story = V =)

You had seen soldiers get possessed before. It was becoming a popular dark magic technique the deeper into the war you were getting.

It unnerved you when Henry or Tharja had to reverse it, and more so when they used it, themselves. As a result you were cautious not to let it harm anyone close to you, taking the necessary steps and tips from fellow mages to protect yourselves.

You never would have dreamed there would be a moment when your protections failed. It became a nightmare when a mage not only broke through them, but struck the one you wanted to protect the most.

Lon’qu.

You yelped when his sword slashed down on you, narrowly swerving out of the way and avoiding your nose being lopped off.

You stared in horror at your husband, his eyes glowing red with dark magic. In the distance behind him, you could see the mage’s hands working, his mouth letting loose commands to kill the Ylissean tactician.

There wasn’t even a chance to get close to shut the mage down. Lon’qu was on you in an instant, swing after swing coming down and around you as he tried to break through your defenses.

His brute strength was almost too much to bear. His finesse was more akin to swinging the sword like a bat, smashing it down against your sword so hard the blade almost cracked.

Lon’qu was going to kill you.

Your eyes widened as you ducked and swiveled away from him, your cries of his name falling on deaf ears. He was gone, resigned to his strength.

You countered, you parried another hit, leapt back from the next one, and then-

He came at you from below. You didn’t even feel the blade go through you until you heard Chrom scream. Your face paled as you stared down at your stomach, the sword stabbed through your body. A trickle of blood dripped down the metal as if in slow motion.

The world stopped when you hit the ground, your vision turning red... and then black.

It was a good several days before your eyes opened, again. Libra and Maribelle were quick to help you sit up, keeping careful watch with the bandages wrapped tight around your middle. They had to be changed every few hours when they first brought you in, according to them.

Yet the first thing on your mind wasn’t the wound; it was Lon’qu’s whereabouts.

“He’s... going to be fine.” Libra answered slowly, averting his gaze. “The possession curse was far stronger than what we’re accustomed to. It was by Naga’s good graces we flushed it out of his system.”

“C-can I see him?” The healers exchanged a glance.

“I... don’t know. He hasn’t woken up from our last attempt to break the curse. The mark the mage left finally faded, but we’re not sure about his mental state... ”

“I-if the mark’s gone, he must be better.” You insisted, “Please, I... I need to see him.”

It took a few more minutes of excessive begging before they finally relented, helped you up from the cot and lead you to where your husband was being held.

Your mouth fell open as you stared at the sight before you; Lon’qu was restrained against a thick tent pole, on his knees with his arms and legs bound  beneath another layer of rope securing his torso.

He was rendered immobile.

“Lon’qu... ” You whispered as tears brimmed in your eyes, moving towards him. You tried to reach for him, but Libra held you back.

“Please, Robin. It could very well be dangerous.” He warned you, prompting you to glare at him.

“He couldn’t move even if he wanted to- can’t I at least try and look at him?” You replied somewhat harshly, before pulling away and coming to your husband’s side.

Cautiously, you reached up. You brushed your hand against his cheek, softly calling his name.

At first, he didn’t move. Lon’qu had been unconscious for days after all, according to Maribelle. But you didn’t even get a chance to call him again before his breathing picked up, and he began to stir.

You moved back ever so slightly, heeding Libra’s warning for once when Lon’qu grunted and tugged against his restraints, weakly. As if waking prematurely from a long nap.

“Lon’qu?” You whispered, peering up at him with a mixture of hope and worry. Fear was the last thing on your mind, though Libra readied his axe, prepared to grab you back if Lon’qu wasn’t himself.

Suddenly Lon’qu’s head snapped up and his eyes blew wide open, shouting, “Robin?!”

You gasped, startled backwards by his outburst. Lon’qu looked around wildly, his eyes not entirely back into focus.

“Where is she?! My wife-”

“Lon’qu, she’s all right!” Libra tried to calm him, “She’s here!”

“I saw her... ” He panted, looking as though he’d seen a ghost. You stared in shock when tears began to fall from his eyes, flowing fast and hot down his cheeks. “I saw what I did, I... she’s... t-that blow... all of them... ”

“I’m here, Lon’qu.” You spoke up, pausing his ramblings. You reached out and touched his cheek, trying to draw his focus back to you. He inhaled sharply at your words, blinking rapidly in an attempt to find his gaze and your face.

“Y-you’re here... ?”

“I’m right here, love.” You assured him with a wobbly smile, the sorrow of seeing him in such a frantic state almost too much to bear. After what felt like ages, his vision finally settled, his eyes locking with yours.

His lip trembled, brow furrowed as he bowed his head in shame.

“I could have killed you.”

His voice cracked as he looked away, shoulders hunched against his restraints.

You inched closer to him on your knees, trying to urge his eyes back to yours.

“You were under a spell, Lon’qu. Your actions were not your own.”

“Y-you could have died by my own hand-! ... And I could only stand and watch.” He hissed through gritted teeth, jaw clenched tight against himself. His shoulders began to shake, a wave of shame-filled tears overtaking him.

“But you didn’t,” You tried to reason, taking his face into both your hands and gingerly lifting his eyes to meet yours. You smiled as best you could despite the tears blurring your own vision, wiping away the stains streaming down his face.

“But I... ”

“It wasn’t your fault. I’m alive, and the curse is gone. You’re not going to hurt me; we’re both going to be all right. Please, my love, don’t blame yourself for what happened.”

It was easier said than done, Lon’qu thought as he nodded weakly against your trembling fingers. To have lost Ke’ri because of his lack of abilities... he nearly lost you for the same reason. But to have watched himself drive his own blade come down against his wife... it would have driven him mad with grief and guilt.

He had almost gotten there even with you, alive.

“Libra, the restraints.” He faintly heard you say above his thoughts, bringing him back to the land of the living somewhat. He felt the pressure release around him, his arms falling limp to his sides. “Look at me, my love.”

“Robin... ” He whispered hoarsely, feeling your hands slip into his. “I am so... I beg your forgiveness.”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” You murmured with a sad smile, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I’m just happy you’re back to normal.”

It was that single tender moment that had him crumble all over again. He shook his head, staring at you blankly before he launched into your embrace, engulfing you in his arms. He clutched onto you tightly, burying his face in your neck as his hands threaded into your hair and your coat.

You let out a soft sob, feeling how he shook around you, and the salty, hot droplets that wet your skin.

“Forgive me... ” He breathed against you, letting the grief flow freely. “I... l-love you so... I just... f-forgive me... !”

“You’ll always be forgiven.” You promised him quietly, carding your fingers through his hair gently as he cried into your arms, “Always.”

[uglydragons]

Who's Bingus?

OH HO HO am i GLAD YOU ASKED

bingus is a monstrosity that was submitted by @maribel-bat 2 years ago

and i roasted him so bad that it made it into his description on fr

i very happily own one of his daughters, who i named Mizmatch

she shares a lot of the same ugly chaos energy

you can find the post here and bingus' page here

[toushindai]

A Ghost, and the Smile Junkie

She came into his dreams to hang out with him.

(Baccano!, Elmer & Monica, post-1710)

[ Read on AO3 ]

*

She came into his dreams to hang out with him. She’d sit down next to him in class and diligently take notes, and then she would talk to him during the lunch hour, or walk home with him. It was nice, even if Elmer couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t quite right.

He voiced his concerns one evening as they passed the harbor.

“Do you go see Huey as well?”

She sent back a faint exasperation at his bluntness, but then chased it away with a roll of her eyes and a rueful smile that faded a moment later. “He won’t let me in.”

Elmer cocked his head. “Let you in?”

Monica answered that with a vague gesture. “I can’t reach him. And when I do, he just—he isn’t ready to receive me. He’s like an iron wall.” She looks Elmer’s way. “What is he like, these days? Can you tell him I’m looking for him?”

Elmer’s brow furrowed. “He’s gone,” he explained. And then he realized how that could have sounded, but Monica only looked puzzled, not worried, so he figured that she must’ve had some way of knowing whether he were dead or not. Ghost stuff. And, well, if both of them were dead, they probably would’ve found each other by now. So he said, “He left the city entirely. Didn’t even tell me where he was going. He was really sad, you know. When you died.”

She sighed, stopped walking. Looked out over the waves. Somewhere, beneath the water, her corpse was decomposing and probably being nibbled at by fish. It was only thanks to Elmer’s intervention that Huey’s body wasn’t down there, too. It occurred to him for the first time just how selfish that had been, stopping his friend from leaping into the waves. If there was life after death, dying so soon after her and in the same location probably would have made it very easy for him to join Monica. But he’d been so devastated. Elmer couldn’t let him die like that.

Which was selfish. But Huey knew he was selfish, and Monica did, too.

But that wasn’t what Monica was thinking about. She wrapped her arms around herself and listened to the sound of the waves. “I didn’t mean to hurt him,” she said, “with any of this. I wanted him to be happy.”

“Well, I could’ve told you that leaving wasn’t the way to accomplish that!”

He said it with a peppy grin, meaning to tease her gently, but she looked back with anguish in her eyes and he realized that he’d misjudged the significance of the statement. “They were after him,” she said. “I couldn’t let them think he was culpable, that he was going to—”

“Do exactly what we wound up doing?” Elmer asked, and now he made his smile gentler, more rueful. Monica looked away. He said, “We saw the play, you know.”

She sighed heavily. “And he still wanted to rescue me, after all that?”

“Of course he did! Why would that change things?”

“Because I wasn’t always the person he knew.” Monica raked her fingers through her long hair, pulling it back from her face. “Everything about me that he knew was a choice, something I had to be deliberately—”

“Yeah, but Huey supported that choice.” She looked at him, like she couldn’t believe that it was that simple. But it was. Huey had said so. “He felt bad about watching the play, you know. I mean, he felt a lot of things about that play, but I’m pretty sure he hated having to learn all that stuff from the play when you hadn’t even felt comfortable telling him yourself. He didn’t want them knowing something you’d wanted to keep hidden from him. You know? If you wanted it hidden, he wanted it to be hidden from everyone. So you could be who you chose to be.” He could see tears starting in her eyes. Not ideal. He poked the corner of her mouth, although that only made her bat his hand away. “He loved Monica. He loved Monica so much. If you wanted Maribel to stay in the past, he was gonna do whatever he could to make that happen.”

Yeah, she was going to cry. Even though this should be making her happy, he thought. She sniffed a few times, and then when he offered her his arms stepped gratefully into his embrace. She cried on his shoulder until the sun began to go down and he slowly woke up from his dream.

[rukimakino-heirofheart]

ZUN's Music Collection vol. 10: Mugen Noh of Tanabatazaka ~ Taboo Japan Disentanglement.

Getting a new Hifuu CD after so long is extremely exciting, especially when the cover looks like this (Maribel's design getting ever so slightly closer to her completed Yukari appearance) and especially when one of the arranged tracks is fucking AoCF Necrofantasia. The CD was fully uploaded and translated within 24 hours of the Reitaisai release — never change, RenMerry shippers — so I immediately went to check it out.

Track 1: Dawn Breaks on Tanabatazaka (Original)

Not very much to say about this one other than that it's nice and the soft instrumentation lends it an interesting tone.

Track 2: Tinkerbell of Inequality (Original)

Surprisingly heavy percussion and bass here. Unlike the minimalist Fires of Hokkai, though, this track has a complex "mechanical"-sounding drumline that feels more like something you'd hear out of Len'en. I like this a lot.

Track 3: Does the Forbidden Door Lead to This World, or the World Beyond? (HSiFS)

A hard downgrade over the original. I get what ZUN was going for — stage-1-ifying the song makes it more of a tonal fit with the album — but making it less punchy and softening the drums in the mix makes it sound kind of generic.

Track 4: Smoking Dragon (UM)

Mostly the same as the original but with a key change and a more complicated piano harmony. Not much to write home about.

Track 5: Mugen Noh ~ Taboo Marionette (Original)

ZUN rarely writes in 3/4, so this was pretty surprising. I like this a lot; the mood is tranquil but with plenty of drive at the core, and its instrumentation gives it DiPP/PCB-era vibes while still being unmistakably modern Touhou.

Track 6: Crazy Backup Dancers (HSiFS)

Woah. I like this a lot better than the original from HSiFS, the updated arrangement does a great deal here and the new section in the second half makes the track as a whole a hell of a lot less annoying.

Track 7: Yorimashi Between Dreams and Reality ~ Necro-Fantasia (AoCF)

Opening right off the bat with an original intro (is that 12-string guitar(?) patch a new instrument???), the long-awaited AoCF cover sounds fucking awesome in the newer style! Cutting down the mix to just the ZUNpet and one or two other patches for percussion texture is a fun technique and it's cool to see it deployed so well here. My only real complaint is that it feels like it should be longer.

Track 8: The Lonely Road of Hitachi (Original)

3/4 swing melody over an unswung 3/4 beat (with occasional 4-tuplets?), neat. The heavy arpeggio delay on the piano gives the track an "asynchronized" feeling that I like a lot.

Track 9: The Lamentations Known Only by Jizo (WBaWC)

The addition of the choir layer is a good choice imo, and the tone overall is more melancholic which fits its context in this album. Feels a bit space-filler-y but it's still solid.

Track 10: The Concealed Four Seasons (HSiFS)

This sounds pretty much the same as the original. Don't get me wrong, the original was a good song (if atypical for a stage 6 boss), but it's kind of disappointing that the arrange isn't very distinctive.

Track 11: Ghosts Exist Even When It's Not Night (Original)

A slowly-building staff roll-ish track that works nicely to cap off the album. I like it.

Overall thoughts & story

Eight years since the last Hifuu CD, ZUN still has it. The worst it ever gets is "well that was disappointing" and the best it gets is fresh and exciting. The story is an interesting development while leaving plenty of room for future exploration — it explicitly connects the shared features of Okina and Yukari's abilities to Merry's use of time travel in CoSD, for one thing — and the choice to include Okina's narration stands out and has me curious what volume 11 is going to be like.

9/10 definitely worth it.

[maribel-bat]

bat appreciation day is today! so under the cut we have pretty much all of my bat dds art. as maribel-bat, the blog, i must post them. going backwards in time!!

[pokemonxhyperfixation]

Gensokai Pokemon

Buckemp

The Bucket Pokemon

A fire and water type

Dex Entry: Buckemp are a very common sight in the caves of the Gensokai region. Buckemp are born inside of a bucket, from which they will never leave. While it is unknow what they fully look like, they are assumed to be spider like due to the thread they produce. Buckemp are known to hang from the ceilings of caves, and then drop on unsuspecting creatures below them.

Abilities: Shell Armor/Battle Armor

Hidden Ability: n/a

The Kisume pokemon. This one also actually has stats. 60/20/120/15/80/10. To say this pokemon is min-maxed is an understatement. Based on the Kisume Puppet in Puppet play. If you're concerned about damage, worry not for it has a signiture move! Bucket Drop is an 80 power physical water move that uses your defense to attack. It's water type body press. Does only learn it shortly before evolving tho. Name is Bucket + Imp.

Privuuny

The Moon Rabbit Pokemon

A normal and psychic type

Dex Entry: Privuuny are very shy pokemon, avoiding contact with creatures outside their own species. With other members of their kind however, they form massive social groups often refered to as militias. These groups are led by their evolutions, which use Privuuny for grunt work. The arm cannon Privuuny have are given to them by their parents once they become old enough to fight. It is believed that Privuuny are originally from the moon.

Abilities: Run Away/Mega Launcher

Hidden Ability: Limber

Privuuny comes from Private (as in the military rank) and Buuny (a common, cutesy mispelling of bunny). The megaman-esk arm cannon is here to avoid giving them a gun =). The patern on their chest is the rank symbol for private, just to hammer in the military basis of the line.

Maerigus

The Void Mushroom Pokemon

A Pure Psychic type.

Dex Entry: A strange psychic type found rarely around the gensokai region. These strange mushroom pokemon have immense psychic energy stored within their cap they use to teleport. Unfortunatly, they have no control over where they teleport to. They are believed to have some limited form of telepathy, as some people claim to hear what sounds like humming in their head when around these pokemon. It is widely believed that they are not actually from this region.

Abilities: Dazzling/Regenerator

Hidden Ability: n/a

My idea that Yukari is more or less a mushroom has become a pokemon! Sort of. The name is actually derieved from fungus and Mary Hearn's first name (not even trying with the spelling, I'm refering to the name that's not maribel btw). So yeah. There is a very real chance this creature is the Pseudo-Legendary btw.

Kumini

The Familiar Pokemon

A pure Psychic Type

Dex Entry: A strange species of Bat-like pokemon frequently found in areas dark areas. Kumini are relatively odd amongst psychic type pokemon due to their incredibly limited ability to produce psychic energy. Instead, they feed off the energy of other psychic type pokemon and people with psychic abilities. While them doing this doesn't actually affect the energy of the being their feeding on in a meaningful way, they still do choose to aid the creature they're feeding from in order to make the relationship mutually benefitial. As such, Kumini are actually incredibly popular with people with any form of psychic ability.

Abilities: Pick Up/Forewarn

Hidden Ability: Magician

Have a nice Koakuma pokemon! I wanted to make it very friendly and helpful, so here you go! I surprisingly don't have much to say about Kumini. The name is Ku from Akuma (meaning devil) and mini because it's but a child. So yeah.

[cyberdragoninfinity]

so im gonna danabait this dennis style by saying i had a weird funny dream last night about your poodle dennis on. you know that like. americas got talent but its like for animals? i think it was because i was watching some like pet failure auditions on that. hes crashing into the other dogs sets. hes making problems on purpose. hes on a bike for some reason now.

A.) i said this on discord but SORRY MY DOGGY HAS INVADED YOUR DREAM REALM </3 LMAO. i cant control him. he goes where he pleases

B.) this is deeply in character i think.sometimes the best show needs a little sabotage of your opponents. a little treachery. all in the name of the performance of course!! THE POODLE IS ON A BIKE NOW. PLEASE CLAP

[ghostlightreviews]

I'm actually annoyed at how much I enjoyed The Flash. After years of anticipation for some kind of Flash movie, watching this particular one go through almost every shade of production hell only to top it off with Miller getting embroiled in a string of assault, battery, kidnapping, and peace disturbance charges has been quite an experience.

It's difficult not to sully the movie as a piece of media with a hundred awful extenuating events, after all there is no case for Death of the Author here, Miller and Warner Bros. are very much alive and very much responsible and accountable for all wrongdoings. I deeply hope that Ezra Miller is getting the mental health treatment they need and will find time to openly apologize and make reparations for the widespread harm they have caused in due course. Additionally, WB is not innocent in its contributions to toxic working environments and unfair payment practices to both Writers and Actors. So, please, bear all this in mind during moments of praise dolloped throughout this review.

That being said:

This was way more fun than it should be considering the mess that preceded it.

Ezra Miller is (despite their personal life) incredibly charming and affable in both roles, not to mention still a talented performer who dragged out some real emotion in the final act. Sasha Calle pulls out a measured and organic performance in Supergirl, she is unfortunately burdened with a script and a film that doesn’t deserve her. Keaton, I think, makes me the most sad. After delivering a poignant and deftly crafted Riggan Thomson in Birdman, an actor haunted by the spectre of his superhero past, constantly trying to escape the shadow of the capeshit he spent his life performing in, there is a remarkable lack of awareness from Keaton’s agent and himself in getting back into the Batsuit not once but twice in the span of a few years. That Bat Credit Card was maxed out I guess.

Maribel Verdú as Nora Allen is particularly lovely for the short amount of screen time she has, a real emotional pillar in a silly silly film.

Everyone else was either fine or too completely average to be noticeable.

God, this film looks fucking atrocious. I won’t hear that the speed force scenes VFX were intentional, from top to bottom The Flash looks like a slop of shit, over saturated colours one minute, washed-out Snyder browns and greys the next, and just absolutely inconsistent visual storytelling. Some scenes look okay but not for a film that costs as much as this one, I think there is a stark contrast between intentionally stylized VFX and miscalculated attempts at the aforementioned. There are a couple of really nice practical costumes that basically get sidelined for weirdly clingy green screen abominations.

Okay, comic book asshole hat on now, there was no reason for this to be a half-assed Flashpoint adaptation. As a concept, Flashpoint is not so inaccessible to the general viewing public that you couldn’t just do it fully or not at all. I’m not even sure there is a solid enough reason to not just make The Flashes’ first film just him dealing with his own shit and using Jai Courtney to set up The Rogues as Captain Boomerang. I get that there is a desire to tie up loose ends from the Snyderverse and boot up a new Cinematic Universe at the same time, but it’s so messy that it muddles a really executable Comic Book movie concept.

Ultimately, I think this is where The Flash stumbles the hardest, a promising cast is let down by a film that is so deeply entrenched in the nonsense of a half-baked previous cinematic universe and trying to set one up that doesn’t even exist yet. What a waste. Then to achieve some of the ugliest looking VFX shots in the past decade, all this in a world where Marvel films exist? Truly amazing how hard they fumbled the bag on this.

My biggest hot take is that DC just fundamentally doesn’t get who Barry Allen is. Ezra is great but they play Barry so much closer to how a live-action Wally West Flash, to the point where I don’t get why they gave them Barry at all.

But by far the most filthy thing the film does is a parade of CGI ghouls in a startlingly bad multiversal moment right at the climax of the film. Dragging out the rubbery digital corpses of Adam West and Christopher Reeves is truly abominable and looks so bad, having a weird plasticine Nic Cage Superman when I know he’s the kind of actor who would have been there in a heartbeat to shoot a scene is bizarre AND to leave out two very much ALIVE actors who have catapulted The Flash into mainstream fame, John Wesley Shipp and Grant Gustin, the latter of which just ended a prolific tenure as Barry Allen this past year is unforgivable. Especially when the TV Flash found room for a fun Ezra Miller cameo, to completely ice out Gustin is really awful. But I guess par for the course for a film studio that, is currently actively ignoring fair working conditions for writers and actors, just vaulted a completed Batgirl project starring Brendan Fraser, and has a history of hiring abusers to create projects for them.

What a shame, there’s something special deep in the shit here, something that the audience has been robbed of. Some really fun and inventive moments on display, marred by a deep desire for people to remember Batman exists and used to be fun too. What a waste of everyone’s time and talent.

To be fair, the Looney Tunes moments with young Barry are so joyful and fun that we really just needed the whole film to feel like that.

1.5/5

Find me on Letterboxd here

[justtluffythings]

HOME: Book 5 - CHAPTER FIVE

MASTERLIST

“Alright team, let’s huddle up quickly please!” Veronica waited for her team to gather around her in their tent before continuing. “Now, listen up. I know this broom situation is far from ideal, but we have no choice but to make it work and give it our best shot. That’s really all I can ask of any of you is to just do your best. Alright? Now, I want everyone to fly low until you’ve got your broom under control and have figured out how to use it. Don’t worry about the Slytherin team flying above your head. Just make sure you’re low enough that you’re out of the way so that you don’t get hurt. Once you’ve gotten control of your broom well enough to play, fly up and start playing in your positions. Don’t wait for anyone because the Slytherin team definitely won’t be waiting for us. Just start playing the best you can, and hopefully it won’t be long before the whole team is good to go. Does that sound okay to all of you?” Veronica received nods from each of them, but she could tell they were nervous. The school brooms were all banged up and broken and in no shape to be used in a game, but they didn’t have a choice. There was no way to get them all new brooms on such short notice, and Quidditch games were never canceled or postponed for any reason. So the show had to go on.

“Cap, these brooms are so shitty. What are we going to do if some of the team aren’t able to control them?”

“We’ll cross that bridge IF we get there, Reg. For now, let’s just hope for the best.”

***

As soon as Madam Hooch threw the Quaffle into the air to signal the start of the game, the chaos began. The Slytherin team had flown up and immediately began scoring into the Ravenclaw goalposts while the Ravenclaw team stayed low just as their Captain had instructed. Despite struggling a bit at the beginning, Veronica quickly gained control of her broom and joined the game, using her Beater’s bat to hit the Bludgers at the Slytherin Chasers. She hoped that would slow them down until the rest of her team joined her.

It hadn’t been long before Reggie and Simon figured out their brooms as well, and Veronica instructed them to play their positions while she would play as Chaser until one of the three joined them. This had worked quite well, and Veronica was very pleased with the way the three of them were playing. Simon had done a great job blocking goals, and Veronica had even managed to score a few goals herself despite being a solo Chaser thanks to Reggie’s Bludgers. However, they were already so far behind that it almost made no difference; even if Maribelle caught the snitch, they would still lose. They would need a miracle to win this game.

“Shit, Simon, watch out!”

Veronica spun in time to see Simon getting knocked off his broom by a Bludger and falling to the ground. Frantically, she abandoned the Quaffle that she was seconds away from throwing into the Slytherin goalposts and rushed over to Simon, catching him inches from the ground. Laying him down gently, she waited for Madam Pomfrey to take him off to the Hospital Wing before rejoining her team. While Annie and Mary continued to have no luck controlling their brooms, Maribelle and Kate had joined Reggie, so Veronica knew the four of them had a chance to pull it back. She quickly called them over. “Mar, I need you to play Chaser with Kate. There’s no point in having you looking for the Snitch when catching it will only make us lose anyway.”

“What? Veronica, I can’t play Chaser. I-”

“Yes, you can. And you will. You’re used to catching the tiniest of all the Quidditch balls. Trust me, you’ll have no problem catching the biggest. And you have good aim. Just throw the balls into the goalposts, and follow Kate’s lead. You’ll be fine. If we get to the point where we’ve gained enough points for you to be able to resume your Seeker duties, then I’ll let you know. But for now, we need you as a Chaser more. Now go, both of you. Start playing.” Maribelle took a deep breath and nodded reluctantly before flying off with Kate. “Good. Reggie, you’re obviously my Beater. I need you to protect Kate and Maribelle as much as you can, and give them as much of a chance to get goals as possible. Aim for the Slytherin Keeper and try to get him out. I’ll play Keeper for us and defend our posts as best I can. Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll have my Beater’s bat, and I’ll deal with any Bludgers that come my way. I’ll also try to keep an eye on their Seeker. If I notice that he’s found the Snitch, I’ll shout to you or try to toss a Bludger or two at him until he’s lost it. We need to make sure that he doesn’t catch the Snitch. It is imperative that Maribelle catches it, but only when we’re ready. Got it?”

Reggie smiled softly and nodded at her. “You got it, Cap. We can do this.”

Veronica chuckled, “I don’t know about that, but what I do know is we will not go down without a fight.”

And fight they did. But despite all their efforts, the four-man team didn’t stand a chance. The Slytherin Seeker caught the Snitch, and the game was over.

Back in the changing room, Veronica addressed her team. “Listen up, everyone. I want to start by saying that I don’t want anyone to be upset today. It’s okay to be disappointed in the outcome of this game and to wish that things had gone differently, but I don’t want any of you to dwell on it for too long. Do not let this ruin your day. The past is the past, and we can’t go back and change it. All we can do now is practice our butts off to make sure the next game is our best one yet so that we never have to feel this way again. Is that understood?”

“But Captain…” Veronica turned her eyes to Annie, and for the first time, she noticed just how tiny this second-year girl was. The Captain couldn’t help but wonder if she herself had looked that small and timid when she first joined the team? If so, she had certainly come a long way in three years. Raising her eyebrows with a silent nod, Veronica gave the young girl the floor to speak. “What if I’m never able to gain control of the school broom? My parents… they can’t… I won’t be able to get a new one…”

Veronica’s heart broke. She had been lucky to have grandparents that were well-off and had left everything to her. She never had to worry about money again. However, she always made sure she remembered how it felt when she was living with her parents and they refused to give her money for things she needed, let alone wanted. She never wanted to forget that feeling; it made her appreciate what she had so much more. And now, looking at this little girl, she was reminded of her younger self… and she was also reminded of the Weasleys and that broke her heart even more. To top it all off, the thing that made this situation so much worse was that Veronica had been the reason the brooms were destroyed. She knew for a fact it was Archie and nothing could convince her otherwise. So she knew she had to make it right. So, getting on her knees in front of Annie with her team surrounding her, she made sure to emphasize each word. “Listen to me, Annie. I don’t want you to worry about that for one second, okay? I’m going to take care of it. You just let me know which broom you want, and it’s yours. You don’t have to tell me now either. Think about it and send me an owl.” Looking around at the rest of her team, she addressed them all. “That goes for all of you, by the way. You don’t have to let me know now in front of the whole team, but if anyone needs help getting a new broom, whether or not your parents have the means to get you one, don’t hesitate to talk to me about it or send me a letter. I don’t care what your reasons are, and I won’t ask questions. I just want to make sure everyone has a new broom before the next game. Okay?” After getting nods from everyone, she stood up and rejoined the circle. “Alright. See you all on Monday.”

Reggie waited for the rest of the team to leave the tent before turning to his Captain. “You know you didn’t have to do that, right? It’s not your responsibility to get them new brooms.”

“Usually, I would agree with you, Reg. But in this case, it is. It’s my fault their brooms were destroyed.”

“Veronica, you don’t know that for sure. I know you think-”

“No. I don’t ‘think’. I know it was him. There’s literally no other explanation.”

“Either way. You didn’t ask for this to happen. You don’t owe them anything. It’s not your fault Archie’s crazy.”

Veronica shook her head and turned away to grab her things from the bench. “Doesn’t matter, Reg. I feel responsible. And I won’t be able to stand by and do nothing. So as long as I have the means to help, I will.” Turning around again, Veronica noticed Reggie watching her with a smile. “What?”

“I’m just really proud of you, V. You’ve come a long way since the start of the year. Your leadership during this tricky game was amazing to watch, and the way you encouraged and reassured the team just now… I’m just so lucky to have the chance to watch you come into your own as the Captain of this team. I know Emily would have given anything to get to see it. You’re doing a wonderful job.”

Veronica pulled Reggie into a hug so that he wouldn’t see the tears welling in her eyes.

[sonoora]

@maribel-bat

sure, i'll drink the pink swirly potion that released a little heart shaped cloud when you uncorked it. what's the worst that could happen