#marco looks a lot like steven

[mdhwrites]

So I know you adore Amphibia, have flaws with Owl House, and only saw the first episode and three parter series finale for Gravity Falls, but ever see the other two of the big 5 story driven Disney cartoons with DuckTales 2017 and Star vs the Forces of Evil? Thoughts on them?

I don't think I've EVER seen an episode of Ducktales. It looks like a lot of fun from the clips I've seen, just never have happened into watching any or getting sat down to watch it. Also in general, I'm slow about watching television, even if I'm trying to get better about trying new media.

Star Vs. I believe went that I saw the first season with my brother, enjoyed it, was REALLY rooting for Marco and Jackie because I think their relationship was honestly really cute and I thought they had way better chemistry than Star and Marco, watched a little of S2 and then my busy life and depression made me drop off. Then my brother told me about the clusterfuck that show becomes and the BS ending to Marco and Jackie's relationship and any interest in picking it back up died there.

I don't really have any critical thoughts about Star Vs. It's a very good concept for what many would perceive as a reverse isekai, an other worldly being coming to us, with lots of charm and fun in the time I spent with it. I think the biggest issue I had with it was that while it was fun, I didn't ever really grab onto anyone besides Marco. Star is a little too brain dead at times, a lot of the side characters are either underutilized or kind of boring/annoying to me (I straight up did not like Pony Head because she's just not the sort of character I usually like as an example.) None of it was actually bad, a lot of it came down to personal taste and that's okay, kind of like how personal taste made me bounce off of Steven Universe pretty hard when I tried an episode of it.

I think, and this might not be comprehensive, that if you want a full list of shows I've seen in the past seven years, since there were a few years where I didn't watch anything, it would be: One Punch Man S1

My Hero Academia S1-3

Wednesday

The Owl House

Amphibia

The Ghost and Molly McGee S1

A good chunk of Komi Can't Communicate, at least S1

...And that might be it? When I moved out of my parent's place, I kind of just stopped watching most stuff. Part of that was being busy, part of that is that I tend to overthink stuff when I watch professionally scripted content so I prefer streams and Youtube. There's also stuff I've probably seen an episode or two of here and there, especially when I last lived with my parents for half a year, but nothing I stuck with too well. It's kind of why I want some recommendations for what to watch now that I've finished Amphibia, or what might be coming out soon because honestly I'd LOVE to join at the start of a fandom and hope that helps motivate me to get more writing done.

Sorry for the potentially disappointing answer admittedly. I'm trying to do more, get my brain to be okay with sitting for 20 minutes like that and chill, but it'll be a process after so long.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[denimbex1986]

'In 2018, when Steven Zaillian began writing a first draft of Ripley — his TV adaptation of Patricia Highsmith’s 1955 novel The Talented Mr. Ripley — one item in his office made its way into his screenplay: the heavy crystal ashtray that (spoiler alert) kills Freddie Miles in the fifth episode.

But Zaillian’s foray into the story of con man Tom Ripley started long before 2018. Ten years ago, a unique proposal popped up on his radar — a TV series. “If it had been proposed as another movie, I would’ve said no,” he tells THR, “but as an eight-hour series, I thought, ‘This could be interesting.’ ”

For starters, he wanted the limited series — about a grifter, Tom Ripley, who covets, and then kills for, the lifestyle of his wealthy former classmate Dickie Greenleaf — to be in black and white. “When I first read the book, it’s how I felt it should look. Later, it was important to the story that it not be some kind of Technicolor Italy, that the story was more atmospheric than that, in a darker, more sinister way.”

Andrew Scott was promptly cast as Tom Ripley, says Zaillian. “I’d tried to cast him in a part in [the 2016 Emmy-winning limited series] The Night Of, but I didn’t know what he looked like because I’d only heard him in a movie called Locke: He played a character whose voice was on the telephone, and he created a rather full-rounded character with just his voice. He was my first choice.”

Scott received the entire series of scripts, a “highly unusual thing,” from the get-go. “I knew it was going to be very arduous — there was just such a huge amount of acting. I learned Italian for three or four months. Other than that, I suppose a lot of my work were things I had to work out on my own. And that was fine because I was dealing with a character who has a lot of secrets.”

Dakota Fanning, Johnny Flynn and Eliot Sumner rounded out the central cast as Marge Sherwood, Dickie Greenleaf and Freddie Miles. “When Steve laid out his vision for a cold, dark, noir aesthetic and tone, I was absolutely sold,” says Flynn (who played David Bowie in Stardust). “Dickie is a casualty in the story — everything is seen via Tom’s perspective — and I really liked that. It feels like he’s not completely real in a stylistic sense. He is what Tom sees of him.”

Fanning says she felt no pressure to mimic the performance of Gwyneth Paltrow, who played Marge in the 1999 film The Talented Mr. Ripley. “There was relief that we were not trying to remake any iteration of the story,” she says, “and that we got to create our own versions of the characters.”

Zaillian wrote the first draft in a “quick” 18 months (it takes him a year to write a feature film, he says), and in November 2019, he and production designer David Gropman started location scouting. Their work continued until the COVID pandemic shut down production in March 2020, pushing the production design work to January 2021 and filming to July. “When we went back to Italy, most of Europe was still in lockdown,” says Gropman. “We scouted the Piazza San Marco and the Guggenheim Museum in Venice with not a soul in it. Strangely enough, it felt like the mood of the film and the world Steve wanted to show: very lonely and empty.”

Location scouting all over Italy, Zaillian and Gropman covered enormous ground, ultimately choosing to shoot in New York City and Italian locations: Atrani, Rome, Venice, Naples, Sicily and Capri. Three researchers in Italy, one in England and one in the United States helped the production designer nail down the aesthetics of the 1960s. “Obviously, there was color photography, but we’re not just looking at 1960 — we’re looking at those worlds 10 years earlier, because of course everything isn’t circa 1960: It was created, used and worn before that, certainly in styles and architecture,” explains Gropman.

Train stations figure prominently in the series as Ripley outruns his crimes by traveling through Italy, and Palazzo dei Congressi — built for the 1942 Universal Exposition — stands in for the exterior of the Rome train station. For the interior, 300 feet of platform was built at a train yard in Rome, and rotating columns differentiated the look of the Rome, Venice and San Remo stations. Five period cars were brought in from Milan. For Naples, Gropman used archival plans and photographs from the 1800s to re-create its station at a now-shuttered hospital in Rome.

The baroque sets gird the atmosphere of dread and beauty. Tom’s Rome apartment and its building’s stairway and elevator (the sites of some athletic body dragging), the interior of Marge’s Atrani apartment, and a Palermo pensione were all built on a Rome stage. Tom’s Venice palazzo was filmed at the Palazzo Polignac, while the American Express building was shot at the Palazzo delle Poste in Naples. Most stylish of all is Dickie’s Atrani mansion, which is the actual Villa Torricella in Capri. Fans can Airbnb it (sadly, there are no openings for months, though the fee is, unexpectedly, less than $300 a night).

Costume designers Gianni Casalnuovo and Maurizio Millenotti scoured photography books, vintage family albums found in street markets, and major archives across Italy. In the process, says Casalnuovo, they discovered “a treasure trove of unpublished photographs capturing everyday life, providing invaluable insight into the social fabric and atmosphere of each location.”

For Tom’s New York style, they researched fashion magazines and street photography to ensure a clear distinction between the American and Italian aesthetic. His initial wardrobe is modest, with off-the-rack clothing in simple cuts that “establish him as an outsider,” says Casalnuovo. By the end of the show, Tom is “clad in impeccably tailored suits, in luxurious textures that hint at a higher social status, and sports flashier accessories” — including plot-critical Ferragamo shoes — “all carefully chosen to project an image of success and belonging.”

Dickie Greenleaf’s ring, which establishes his privilege and propels the narrative as Tom takes on his persona, was created by a jeweler from detailed sketches inspired by 1950s magazines. Out of a series of prototypes, Zaillian selected the final (damning) ring.

Ripley was initially set up at Showtime, but moved to Netflix in February 2023 after the network decided not to proceed with the series. Initially, both Netflix and Showtime had been interested in making the show. Showtime required a color version of the series, which they also delivered to Netflix. (Netflix has no plans to release a color version.) As such, the series was not shot with a black-and-white camera, but with a standard Alexa LF that recorded color information; the filmmakers had the lab remove the color from the image files and create only black-and-white images for the dailies. “The lab essentially turned the color dial to zero,” says Elswit. With black and white, the DP continues, “Steve wanted to emphasize the play of light and shadow, not just in the world but also on people’s faces — the emotional reason why things wanted to [be felt] in monochrome.” Elswit says Caravaggio, the artist whose work is prominently featured throughout the series and is known as a master of light, was an inspiration.

Meanwhile, knowing their work would be seen in black and white presented a challenge for the costume designers. “We had to forgo the initially chosen vibrant vintage garment and fabrics. Instead, we focused on using shades of black, white and gray to create a distinct atmosphere for characters and scenes,” says Casalnuovo.

Scott, who notes that Zaillian doesn’t do rehearsals, says the first scene that was shot took place in Tom’s New York boarding house, in which he is defrauding somebody over the phone in episode one. Shortly after that, they filmed the Dickie Greenleaf and Freddie Miles murder scenes. “My biggest job was to keep my playfulness alive and to not get too overwhelmed by the enormity of the task,” says Scott.

Elswit says the most technically difficult sequence to shoot was Dickie’s murder on the boat. Because Zaillian wanted the scene to look overcast rather than lit by direct sunlight, the team shot the killing scene in a large swimming pool south of Rome, where they blocked the sky with charcoal silk, using a greenscreen to replace the sky and water, which were filled in by Weta FX in post. Editors Joshua Raymond Lee and David O. Rogers say they had about 2,500 VFX shots in the series, “significantly more than had been initially anticipated.” The boat itself remained stationary — three cameras and three cranes created the movement through and around it.

Despite the motorboat being still, “I was scrambling, trying to not drown myself,” says Scott. “This is, literally, trying to sink that boat with a little exhausted Irishman. And you’re not just doing it once. Steve likes to get a lot of coverage.” Flynn adds, “Some of the stuff of Dickie underwater is really me. They had me on a winch, pulling me down for a take. That was quite scary!”

As Tom disposes of Dickie’s body, there is no dialogue and no score, only Tom’s labored breathing, the whir of the motor, the wind humming and the water slapping against the hull of the boat, courtesy of sound supervisor Larry Zipf.

That murder scene, and an ensuing one ­­— in which Tom deploys the ashtray as a murder weapon, drags Freddie’s body down his building’s stairs, into an elevator and through the streets of Rome, all the while treating the corpse as a drunken comrade — “were the most interesting and rewarding to cut,” says Lee. “Both of those scenes are essentially 30-minute silent films that land by surprise in the middle of the normal flow of the narrative.”

For Sumner, playing Freddie, who is dead for more than half of the episode, the choreography of being dragged around necessitated a week of rehearsals. “It was about four months of being known as ‘The Body’ on set,” says Sumner, laughing. “As bizarre as it sounds, because I was just lying there, it was physically quite taxing, the dragging around and not breathing for minutes on end. I’m sure they could have fixed that in post, but I wanted to do it properly.”

When sound is present, it becomes its own character in the show, through Tom’s footsteps echoing in a church, the clacking of his typewriter and the mechanical movement of the elevator. “Steve clearly planned the show with sound in mind, and really left room for the environments and ambiences to breathe and support a tone,” Zipf says. “Steve was always looking for opportunities for sound to give the impression of life outside the frame, whether it’s diegetic or in Tom’s mind.”

When Jeff Russo’s score — consisting of chamber strings, winds, English horn, harp, piano, mandolin and accordion — did come into play, it added to the tension and mystery of Ripley. “I envisioned music like what you would hear in a 1960s movie, something Ennio Morricone or Nino Rota would have done on noir thrillers,” he says. “We talked about threading Sicilian-style music and modern thriller-type music into the classic way of telling this story.”

Russo adds: “This is the first time I’ve ever done anything on this scale in black and white, and it makes the whole thing evocative in a way that color cannot.”'

[sigurism]

[dekusleftsock]

My Hero Academia

How to do last minute representation the right way

A meta post that I’ve been thinking about for a while, and I think I finally have the right words.

First, let's establish the terms I will be using and how they apply to other shows.

Open representation

Open representation, in this case, is a show that from start to finish is openly queer and never tries to hide that. The first ones that come to mind are Steven Universe, Shera, Sasaki to Miyano, or the owl house. They will have queer representation throughout the show, though may hook people in first by not making the characters openly queer in the first few episodes. This is usually done through a beard of some kind. Connie for Steven, the fantasy dude for Luz, bow for adora, etc. They don't necessarily have to be important to the MC's love life at all, (like how bow is glimmers love interest or that connie and steven legitimately are love interests) they simply have to make the illusion of a non queer show to prove that the show is STILL good, with or without it.

Explicit representation

I think sasaki to miyano actually fits better here, as the thing that defines this representation is that it never tries to hide the queerness. BL usually goes here because of what the genre is born out of. Which is, usually, oppressed groups finding comfort in certain media. Not a lot of popular shows/comics are in the "explicit representation" section unless it's from an indie author. Or, on the rare occasion, published by a big manga company. The only time these works are easily published is when it's nsfw, because of the yaoi/yuri industry. These works aren't very popular most of the time because they have to appeal to a straight audience, and it's hard to do that with explicitly queer shows.

There are exceptions to the rule of course, like heart stopper or, once again sasaki to miyano, and that's because straight women are able to project and/or fetishize the characters. They will also have a token straight couple sometimes, like heart stopper, in order to appeal to the non gay audience. Or be able to fetishize the main couple because they have something that allows them to see the couple through heterosexual eyes. Like miyano and sasaki's height difference. Maybe they will add something onto them to make them more masculine to fight this, like miyano's hate for sweet things and sasaki's love of it. But ultimately people will just see this as "breaking gender norms" instead of just two gay men.

However, it was also the only reason they COULD get the show green-lit. No matter what, these shows will have to find a way to appeal to a straight audience. It's just how the world works. It sucks, but it's true.

Queer coding or coded representation

This genre of queerness usually fits shonen/shoujo anime. Think death note, hunter x hunter, madoka magica, sk8 the infinity or kakegurui. Though it also fits a lot of western cartoons like infinity train, star vs the forces of evil, and gravity falls. The thing that defines this representation is that it's never explicitly said. It's what makes this representation so frustrating, as it directly appeals to a straight audience, while still grabbing a major queer audience. The straight audience can write it off as being accidental or even say it doesn't exist. That the queer audience is "looking into it too much".

What's even more frustrating about this is that it actually had to happen in order for us to have representation at all. Gravity falls laid out the footsteps so that the owl house could actually BE A SHOW! These shows fight tooth and nail for it to be written the way they want it to be, like making marco a latina trans woman, and in the end, they were never able to make it openly queer the way they wanted it to be.

Accidental representation

On paper, this concept is hilarious, but it's also the most frustrating thing in the world. Accidental representation is honestly just a big phenomenon called "homosociality". angy-grrr explains this concept in this post (https://angy-grrr.tumblr.com/post/690891053818134528/bakudeku-in-bnha-another-case-of-the) But if you don't feel like reading that at the moment and just wanna know what this term means, I'll explain it. It is intimate social connections between the same sex, usually it's used to understand masculinity from a psychological standpoint. It's also used to understand hegemonic masculinity; the idea that there are different forms of masculinity across many cultures and points of time. Essentially, men who are in a male only space because they don't want women to "invade their space" feels inherently gay. (Edit, please look at the post right after this one on my page, I explained this a little wrong and was corrected, PLEASE READ IT GOD DONT SPREAD MISINFORMATION-)

Regardless, shonen anime usually falls into this category. Like Naruto, dragon ball z, or saiki. Sometimes western cartoons can also fit this category, like dipper being accidental trans coding, or rapunzel from tangled ever after being accidental sapphic coding.

What this representation is defined by is the author simply making a lapse in judgement for their own show. They accidentally make the rivals to friends a little too queer because they will show an intimacy the main character can not share with his female love interest, and instead give it to his rival. This is often born out of ignorance; when a straight person creates a show and instead of sharing intimate friendships, it shows intimate relationships. They will try to fight toxic masculinity by showing they can hug and be vulnerable with their male friends and rivals. Essentially, a "romantic scene" is not actually romantic because there are two male characters. That is the only thing that separates his rival/best friend from his love interest.

It boils down to men not being allowed to have intimate relationships and women can be as intimate as they want to be to practice for boys.

The gender binary is so interesting isn't it?

Last minute representation

FINALLY, we're here. Last minute representation. Last minute representation is honestly the most common one. Gravity falls, madoka, adventure time, shera, dead end paranormal park and many many more have last minute representation. This is because of two factors. One, that shows IN GENERAL have their characters get together at the end, a very common aspect in story telling. The "happily ever after" part. Of course happily ever after doesn't exist, there's always another day after the end of a story. This is just a general writing pet peeve, but making a kids show with yet ANOTHER "happily ever after" is kinda stupid as it doesn't properly teach children that relationships take work and are complicated. It shows a small portion into what goes into a relationship, the confession. It's part of the reason why I want to create my own children's show, but anyway, that's not really the point.

The other reason shows often have last minute representation is because a show can no longer be canceled. For example, SU was actually gonna have a whole other season after season 5, but because the show aired the first ever gay marriage on TV for children, cartoon network was banned from hosting the show in a lot of countries. That's why the ending arc feels so rushed; because it was. That's why shows leave it to the very last minute, so that they can finish their story while still adding the LGBTQ rep they wanted to add into the show.

How does this relate to My Hero Academia?

Simple, my hero is going to do last minute representation correctly for once. The problem with last minute rep is that it entirely is dictated by pandering to the company who publishes your work, along with attracting an audience it doesn't necessarily need.

MHA did create a beard character for their main character, yes, but it did so in a way that completely erases the idea of shonen. Shonen is inherently pandering to the male gaze, the heterosexual society around it, yet it has always tried to stand out against other shonens.

What makes My Hero unique, is the fact that it never tried to be anything it wasn't.

It always showed you the love interest of the story, it never once lied to your face. The entirety of izuku and Katsuki's characters have always been gay.

Obsessed with someone

The other half of them

Everything they ever wished to be is what the other person is

They envied everything that they stood for

It was always in your face, we just chose to ignore it.

Not only that but Katsuki and Izuku have acted like a troubled married couple FROM THE START! Their relationship has always been about nuance and learning to be better. They have always acted like they were in a relationship, and that's why they're such a popular ship.

Horikoshi has enough of an audience that if shonen jump didn’t let him publish the two of them being gay, he would just do it without a publishing company. He’s got the money, fans, and the show. Plus, shonen jump would just lose money. It would be a lose lose situation.

They stood as the "male couple that ended up having more chemistry than the love interest" AND as the "they might be canon" couple.

Horikoshi was able to show that men can be intimate by not fighting homosociality.

[achillesmonochrome]

You know? While is most probably true that the reason the owl house got cancelled was because all the gay representation, I had seen people who actually resent lumity because “it killed the show”

And look, I am not going to say lumity is the entire reason the show is asom (my focus may be ships but believe me I had been gushing with other people about this show’s strenghts since episode 1) or the show would be ruined if they waited until the last episode, but it still part of the reason is so special, and I’m dying on that hill. 

It took me forever to watch the show for personal reasons, and while at some point I thought of watching the series and blocked the tag, even then I heard how lumity was canon.

At first, I believed it was what other shows had done; have something that could read as romantic (like blushing or similar) and people were happy because is not like we could get anything else until a finale (if lucky), right?

So when I started the show I knew about the ship, but didn’t think it would go deep enough that I wouldn’t need to make headcanons and fanfics to compensate. 

We go to prom, where we get the confirmation that Amity wanted to ask Luz out, and I was surprised they went that way, but I still thought “Well, it could be interpreted as she wanted to go with her a friend, that reason could make it ambigious enough that no one would raise a fit”

Look, don’t get me wrong, I know how hard so many people working on certain shows had worked on getting the slightest of crumbs, and how normally they needed to fight to get a confirmation in the finale. I was there when Korra aired the final season, and how while the ending was sweet, it was ambigious enough the creators needed to confirm it online (And somehow still got the scene taken away in some places? Is ridiculous)

So I thought that was all I was ever going to get, at least for now; and I accepted that.

Then we go to the next episode and I am like “holy shit this is gay panic and there is absolutely no other explanation for it, they aren’t playing the subtle card anymore” 

I was shocked; I grew up with crumbs of representation, and that is not even getting into the fact that the first confirmed gay characters I knew were so riddled with stereotypes I could not find any comfort and famiriality in them. 

And seeing Amity made a mess of herself (which not gonna lie, reminded me way too much when I was 13 and crushing hard on a girl) meant the world to me, hell, still means the world to me.

While watching the show I couldn’t stop thinking how much this would had meant to me when I was younger; the enviroment I grew up wasn’t very open minded, and I still remember how that night it finally clicked that I wasn’t cishet, my first thought was that I needed to fix myself. 

Even if I can’t make my younger self feel better about who we are, the fact that kids now have this is still a lot. They would see Amity and Luz, unapologetically in love, have Raine use they/them pronouns, being respected for who they are without an ounce of doubt, Willow’s dads being as normal as the weather; and know that they, is okay.

And part of it would had been lost if they had waited until the finale.

Sure, it would still have Luz and Amity together, but I know for experience, is not the same have yourself hoping, dreaming that this character you love is like you, than having them be stated like that way early, and not only know that, but see them do the same things you do, and how no one thinks is weird. 

Is not like having the characters be together is a only same-sex thing; it wasn’t exactly homophobia why Star and Marco weren’t dating until the end, or how Miraculous has 4 seasons and they are still not dating. 

But while those pairings are way obvious, most of the time same-sex things get stuff muddled, subtle, to the point people would deny it until the very end.

(Hell I still remember when Sapphire and Ruby were show for the first time in Steven Universe, and people were insisting they were sisters and nothing else) 

Again, not throwing shade to SU staff (for this one at least) and other creators, because I can only imagine how hard it was to fight for those tihngs. 

However, it doesn’t change how amazing is to have this. 

I was thinking about it while rewatching Labyrinth Runners. I like Huntlow, and if you look close enough you can see little seedlings here and there, but nothing concrete enough, and yes, I had seen people say how shippers are misreading signals; same old fandom drama.

But that hit me with a realization: If there was any creator, or any other team, this would had been the opposite.

Huntlow would be the blatantly obvious, while Lumity would have minimal blushes or gestures. The fact that this isn’t the case makes me extremely happy.

Even if the show could had gotten four season with lumity at the finale, Raine either being a guy or somehow avoiding their pronounds until the very end (if not erase them compledtly) and Willow’s dads maybe being the only thing to exist; I don’t think this show wouldn’t be as dear to me if it wasn’t making my child self feel seen.

So, even if I am sure no one from the team would ever see this: Thank you Dana, and everyone else in the crew, for making this happen. 

[heresathreebee]

Wearing THAT

[Dewey Finn X Female Reader]

Summary: Reader teases Dewey in a Poison Ivy costume. You have a really hard time saying exactly what you want... Masterlist Next

Word count: 3.1k words (no beta) 

Warning(s): 17+ | teasing, lots of teasing and boners, lap sitting, near nudity, touching

AN: only Thots here, thots about Dewey Finn also is Ned British? He's British in my head

This was some sort of test. It had to be. God was testing him through you and you were not playing fair. It’s a costume party not a competition, you pompous little sycophant. And yet he can’t help but tug at the collar of his shirt. It’s not even anywhere near his throat but why else would he feel so constricted? It’s certainly not because of you…

You walked into his shared apartment wearing that and you had no idea the effect it had on him. 

Dewey watches you sling an arm around Ned and kiss Patty’s cheek in greeting. “Hi guys! Thanks for inviting me, I’ve been dying to put this on.” 

“Oh you look lovely,” Patty coos. She plucks at one of the plastic leaves on your corset. “Did you make this?! It’s so intricate.” 

You bark out a laugh. “Oh hell no! I have this cousin, right? And him and his fiancé own this shop where they make costumes for movies and theatre and if you pay ‘em right, ‘personal use.’ And they don’t ask questions what ain’t their business either.” 

“Well, I’m sold.” Ned raises his beer for a toast and Patty clinks it with her bottle of mysterious green juice. “Prost! What’s the name of the shop? Wanna see if they’re online– you know, for... support.” 

“Ned,” Patty swatted his empty hand (no need to be shy, we already know they’re freaky). 

You pat your friends on their backs and take a step towards the kitchen. “Gonna get myself a beer.” 

“Oh honey you don’t have to do that. Dewey!” The man in question nearly covered himself in his own drink when he heard his name. “Be a good host and get this lady her beer!” 

“Yes captain,” Dewey salutes and Patty can do nothing but glare in her Star Trek yellow shirt costume. Original series, of course, nothing but the best for Patricia Di Marco. 

Dewey takes a hold of the moment he has his back to you to take deep, calming breaths. He will not let this be the end of him. Your friendship means so much more to him than that and a little fancy green corset was not going to make him fuck things up with you. 

He’s ready for you when he hands you your beer. Your one arm hug is appreciated because he’s sporting a bit of wood and he’d hate to find out your corset isn’t thick enough to hide it– or god forbid you feel him on your thigh. And god, your thighs… those sheer green nylon tights were doing unspeakable things to him. Maybe if he kept you close and kept your legs out of his peripherals he could make it through the night without embarrassing himself. 

Or maybe not. 

“Are yoooouuu a college student?,” you ask and point at his inconspicuous clothes. 

“Actually– ” he opens the buttons of his shirt to reveal another shirt with a superman logo on it and buttons it back up clumsily as you laugh. “Ssshhh! Don’t tell anybody. Protect my secret.” 

“Of course,” you giggle. God you feel good hanging off him– usually he loves how physical you are but he has to figure out a way to keep his distance without offending you and quickly. “You like mine?” 

The way you pick up a thick swirling red lock and direct his attention to the very thing he’s trying not to look at is killing him. Of course you look even better up close. The leaves of your corset give the thing depth and texture, your gloves are fingerless and go over your elbows, and your heels are high, like make- him- feel- his- below- average- height high. 

“I like these.” Dewey plucks at the ring of leaves at the top of your gloves. It’s a way to keep his mind off your everything else. “Did you dye your hair?” 

“It’s a wig.” You tug on the top and then the bottom, wincing a little. “Sew in, so don’t go snatch it.” 

“I would never!” 

“Poison Ivy, eh? Think that’s one of Dewey’s favorites,” Ned blabs. 

Dewey sends him a death glare so powerful Ned chokes on his beer but you’re looking at your Spock-dressed friend so you can’t see it. 

“Oh, really?” You return your gaze to Dewey and say, “well you must be loving this, then.” 

Dewey swallows. No words come to him and there is nothing to stop the awkward silence that follows. You appear unbothered by it, maintaining eye contact as you smile almost knowingly… 

“We should play twister,” he says with the most unsure voice ever. 

“We don’t even have twister,” Patty mumbled. “Come on, there are like twenty other games setup, let’s play!” 

~

Dewey gives it a minute and when he’s free from you, he catches Ned by his pointy green ear and drags him into the hall. “Hey? What the fuck are you doing?” 

“Whah– what are you talking about?” Ned slaps at the hand fisted in his shirt but Dewey doesn’t budge. 

“You can’t just go telling people I’m into them, dude! Do you know how close you came to giving me away?!”

Ned scoffed. “Her? I hardly think she’s ignorant to your feelings, you’re not like that Steven from Austin fellow.” 

“– Are you talking about stone cold Steve Austin?"Dewey buries his face in his hands- "It’s his last name, not his birthplace–” 

“And besides…” Ned peeks around the corner to see you in the middle of some sort of posing game. Everybody's trying to take the form of some sort of vehicle, and you've got Chloe in a headlock and Vance's leg in the other hand. Ned never got to finish his thought because someone dropped a huge bowl of popcorn and that too became a game of ‘how many can you eat off the floor before Patty cleans it up.’ Ned���s got to help and he’s got to help now. 

Dewey finds himself on the couch with his fifth beer of the evening. Vance, Jeremiah, and Chloe are talking baseball stats when suddenly Dewey’s vision is filled with green and red just before you sit down. Right between his legs. He unconsciously scoots up to make room for you and before he catches on to your game, you nestle into his space by the arm of the couch and sling your legs across his like you belong there. 

Ok, something is definitely up with you. 

Would he describe you as cuddly? A little. Perhaps a more appropriate word would be… hands on. Long before he started wanting more than friendship with you, you two were always just touching. Your presence and your love language was physical. Dewey never felt like you were invading his personal space or overstepping his boundaries because he simply had none with you and the feeling was mutual. But this was something else. Something that wasn’t there before. 

Was it him? Was he fucking up his perfectly in sync companionship with you because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants or (his heart for that matter)? He wasn’t sure if he wanted to drag you closer or push you flat on your ass right now. 

You were listening to Chloe chew Vance out for hating Gritty the mascot when you felt Dewey plant a hand on your forehead. “Hey, are you feeling ok?” 

You gently shake him off and raise a single eyebrow. He seems serious, his voice gone all soft and making you feel gooey inside. 

“You just seem… I dunno,” he fumbles, “do you want me to take you home after this?”

Hellooooo opening! “Actually, can I stay here tonight?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Fuck, who said that? Dewey? Ah, shit… 

 “Thanks,” oh oh you should not be rubbing his thigh right now… “I think I’ll go change here in a minute.”

Oh please do, please please puh-leeaaase–  

~

After a brilliant movie drinking game (which Dewey tapped out of), the crowd began to disband. 24 became 20, then 18, then 12. You went out to your car to grab your overnight stuff and Dewey was hoping for a brief reprieve from the assault of your visage. He just needed a few more people to leave so he can sequester himself and rub one out– you know, get his head straight. Ever since you left his lap he’s been rock hard, there’s not enough blood flowing to his brain. The guest count is down to 3– 2 with you in your car, and he can’t wait anymore. 

Dewey slipped into the only bathroom in the house and prayed to god nobody noticed him. He barely got his hand wrapped around his shaft when Patty’s fist banged on the door demanding he help clean up. Sulking and agitated, Dewey managed to calm down while cleaning up red solo cups, glass beer bottles, cans, and small pocket sized objects that would need to be returned to the guests after their hangovers subsided (no keys, thankfully, everybody’s got a DD). His “predicament’ is nearly forgotten when you finally return with a bundle of clothes, disappear into the bathroom and reemerge in loose sleepwear with your makeup wiped clean and uh… braless. 

You catch him looking. Dewey– surprisingly sober after he gave up drinking half way through his sixth beer– does nothing short of raise a slightly irritated eyebrow at you. “Cold in here, huh?” 

“Shut up. You know how uncomfortable it is to sleep in a bra?” 

You help him collect a couple bottles that rolled under the couch and walk with him down to Ned’s car. Patty would sort the recyclables from the trash in the morning (late morning, she did a couple rounds of tequila shots thanks to you). It’s almost like the party never happened; you’re shooting the shit again and everything is right in the world. He’s got no ulterior reaction to putting a hand on your hip– that’s just a normal thing in your perfectly platonic relationship. God, he really must have been imagining things, he was beginning to think you were actually trying to flirt with him! 

Ned’s bent over the kitchen sink with Patty and holding her hair back. He looks up as you enter the apartment and shakes his head. You and Dewey make yourself scarce by slipping into the shared bathroom to hide. You try to giggle quietly as Dewey surveys the skincare products you covered the counter with. He points to your head and asks, “you wearing that to bed?” 

“It’s sewed in, I’m not taking this off for three weeks at least,” you answer. “Get my money’s worth. I can work it like my natural hair.” 

Dewey nods. You rub your arm nervously and look for something to say, something to circle back to the whole point of showing up looking like a sexed up goddess. What do guys like? Girls wearing their clothes, right? But you need to phrase it perfectly… 

“Dewey?” He looks up from the scrubby lip balm in his hands. “I’m not quite ready to go to sleep yet and it… it is a little chilly in your place. Can I wear your jacket?” 

Just to bring your meaning home, you tug on his sleeve– the very jacket on his back. You don’t want just any jacket, you want that one, already warm and scented by him. You don’t miss the way his eyes glance past you like he was reluctant to comply. And yet… 

“Yeah, here.” He slips out of it with ease and drapes it over your shoulders. You miss the sigh of relief he makes when you pull the zipper closed and obscure your pebbling nipples. “Think I’m gonna go help Ned put Patty to bed.” 

Ned was a scrawny little thing and couldn’t carry her by himself, and she needed to be carried. Competitive by nature, it’s easy to talk her into virtually anything, especially if it feels like girl time. You need Patty in a deep sleep for your plans tonight (sorry not sorry). Dewey’s very sexy as he bears most of Patty’s weight. She’s clinging to Ned, arms around his neck and babbling incoherently while Dewey’s got an arm around her waist and legs, keeping Ned on his feet. You skirt ahead of them and open the bedroom door, help pull her shoes off, her captain insignia, her earrings, you even wipe the spit from her lips and the eyeliner smeared on her cheek. 

“You’re my favorite ever,” she whimpers, “I love you so much, you’re like my best friend ever…” 

You shush her gently. “You say that about everybody when you’re drunk, baby. I promise I’ll make you a fat breakfast in the morning but you gotta go to sleep now, OK?” 

Patty nods. She snuggles into her pillow just as Ned is taking up position as the big spoon when she looks back up at you and asks, “can we go for a run together?” 

You blink evenly. “Yes.” You already regret it as she smiles big and wide. It would be just your luck this is the one thing she doesn't forget in the morning.

Finally it's just you and Dewey in the hallway. It feels like you're standing between two choices: his open bedroom door and the living room. But it seems like only you can feel the weight of it. 

"Are you sure you want to stay over?," Dewey asks, "you can use my bed." 

You perk up out of your heavy mood. "Really?" 

"Yeah, I'll take the couch tonight." 

He can't possibly miss the way you instantly deflate but he's still not putting the pieces of the puzzle together. "Dewey. I'm not going to kick you out of your own room." 

He shrugs. "Suit yourself. I'll grab a few blankets." 

There's a storage closet in the main building with this one extra soft blanket that Dewey knows you'll love. You on the other hand have got no more patience left. Once the man leaves, you stomp your foot and decide to try one final act.

Dewey returns to the apartment to find an empty, quiet living room. Ned and Patty are in bed, but where are you? He wanders past the bathroom door because it's dark inside and checks his room. There you are reclining on his bed. He could have sworn you were wearing pants before but your legs are bare and his jacket hugs the tops of your thighs. He also could have sworn you were wearing a shirt. He finds both items folded neatly beside you with your underwear right on top. 

Oh…

This cannot be happening right now. He just survived tonight by the skin of his teeth and now you were doing this to him. He’s going to pull his hair out, going to scream, it’s so frustrating because he can’t just ask you what you want– you’ll turn the question back on him and he’ll fuck it up. He lets the blanket fall from his grip and with a heavy sigh he whispers in a weak voice, “straight answers only. What are you doing to me? Why you doin’ this?” 

You cock your head and answer leisurely, your eye drifting across the items in his room. “You know that’s not how I roll, but if you want me to address the elephant in the room: I'm naked in your bed right now." 

Against his better judgement, Dewey moves closer. "I can see that." 

One step closer and your eyes find him again. Like an invitation you lean back more, even uncross your legs but go no further. Dewey swallows his tongue and waits for you to elaborate and every second is agonizingly slow. 

"You think you can just walk around here with your pretty face and cocky little attitude like it’s nothing,” you said accusingly. 

Dewey glared at you. “That’s the pot calling the kettle black.” 

“Well we're in agreement then,” you’re almost sneering at him, but he knows it’s because you’re really frustrated with yourself, “I look and I touch and I feel but I don’t know, you know?” 

“Not a clue,” he sighs and sits himself beside you. He’s done trying to keep his distance. “Let’s go back to you being naked in my bed.” 

“Do you like it?” 

“Do I like it?,” he repeats incredulously. Dewey leans back on his elbow to look you over from top to bottom. You look damn good in nothing but his jacket. You’ve got the long ends of your red hair in braids that sweep down to your navel. The zipper rests tantalizingly right below your ribcage. Dewey dares to reach out a mollifying hand and give a tiny stroke to that silver keeper. He cannot bring himself to speak above a whisper as he nods, “yeah, I… I like it.” 

The tension leaves your shoulders and you wear a small grin. “It’s not too late to take it back. Say no, and I’ll put my clothes back on and sleep on the couch like none of this ever happened. This,” you point between the two of you, “doesn’t change unless we want it to.” 

… this was real. In answer, Dewey’s chin wrinkles and he watches his finger travel upwards, drawing a light line up the expanse of your chest between your breasts to feel you shiver at his touch. Thing is he doesn’t want to say no, but wouldn’t it be better? Safer? He asks the question he’s been dying to know all night. “What do you want from me?” 

“Whatever I can get,” you answer truthfully. “Whatever you’ll allow. Don’t trouble yourself with labels and things ‘cause what we have has always been so much more than that.” 

Dewey feels a weight lift off of his chest. His hand works around your waist and drags you closer, halfway under him and he rests his perspiring forehead on your breastbone. Whatever happens next happens, for better or for worse. 

You’re not troubled when Dewey moves the jacket to expose one of your breasts, however you are taken aback when he bites you. You barely manage to stifle your yelp when you feel him growl against your flesh and the sound vibrates straight to your core. Dewey drags his head up and stares you dead in the eye as he kneads your savaged breast. 

“All night,” he growls, “all fucking night for this? We could have done this ages ago. The salon, the drive in, Chloe’s cat’s birthday– grocery shopping last week. But no, instead you pick a party full of people and you’ve had me riled up for hours.” 

Dewey pinches your hardened peak and you keen. “‘m sorry…” 

“No you’re not, but don’t worry: you will be.”

AN: Check Out Part 2 @hoodoo12 @go-commander-kim @escape-your-grape @softbeej @imma-fucking-nerd @werwulfy

[pepperonitimeline]

There is an interesting emphasis on timelines in Steven Universe

but like. Why?

Hypothesis: Steven Universe is made up of multiple timelines, but shown in an order that makes the events seem linear. read part 2 here!

I'm not the first person to speculate this at all. A lot of this stuff has been pointed out by @dogcopter​ @arrozbrillante​ @stevenutheories and many others on various platforms!

I just gathered the most conspicuous "evidence" into 1 post. If you’re interested in SU theory and analysis you should check out their blogs. :o) This was as short as I could make it..

And a big thank you to @love-takes-work for her podcast summaries!!! 

So, most ostensibly there’s Garnet, who can see multiple futures. In Pool Hopping she begins to call her visions timelines specifically.

Garnet: In this timeline, we do the opposite of that. Hey, you! Have a pizza!

Steven: Hey, Vidalia's house is around here. Let's bring her the last pie.

Garnet: Now, that would be nice. She must be upset that her son was taken into space by those Homeworld Gems. (referring to the events of I Am My Mom)

Steven: You mean Onion? He isn't in space. He's right over there. *points*

Garnet: Sorry, I-I must be thinking of a different timeline.

-

Garnet: My bad. I was sure we were in the pepperoni timeline.

-

Garnet: It's important to keep in mind that all these horrible things did happen to you in alternate timelines. Safety is fun.

In Steven and The Stevens:

Yeah

It was confirmed on the podcast that the Steven we see from that episode on is a different Steven than the one from episodes 1-21. In “The Fantasy of Steven Universe” Sugar explains:

"I think, early on, we knew for sure what we wanted to do was to create episodes that feel self-contained but give you a new piece of information or change the characters fundamentally. So, Steven and the Stevens, is tight but Steven does change fundamentally after having that experience. He's not the same- in THAT case he's LITERALLY not the same character..."

It’s muffled because they're all laughing but right after they say this Matt Burnett goes “He died.” 

Link to the episode

Love-takes-work also has a text summary of the episode

But something I haven't seen discussed very much is the time travel chase scene. Granted it’s very blink-and-you’ll miss it, there are some Stevens who witness the other Steven’s fighting but that don’t end up in the Sea Shrine at the end.

Way back in 2015 @stevenutheories already did the math as to how many alternate timelines may have stemmed from the time shenanigans: 3 to 5. Not counting the original one who is definitively gone. 

Technically quantum mechanics don’t work like that and those Stevens should have been Thanos’d too. I’m not going to pretend I understand physics, that is just what I’ve been told by someone who does. But then again the magic time thingy wasn’t bound by rules of real-life physics in the first place… so ??

Let’s cross-examine SATS’ accompanying KBCW post.

“At any given moment, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the answer would be one of two things: katana swords, or THE POSSIBILITY OF ALTERNATE TIMELINES RUNNING PARALLEL TO OUR OWN!

Proving the existence of these timelines can be pretty tricky, even for a seasoned paranormal investigator such as myself.  An inter-temporal incursion caused by the momentary weakening of the time-space continuum doesn’t really photograph well.  And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  Frankly, the only thing I can submit as evidence of alternate timelines is the fact that THEY ARE PROBABLY JUST SO COOL AND AWESOME THAT THEY HAVE TO BE REAL.

Think about it!  What about a universe where that asteroid missed Earth and we had DINOSAURS for pets instead of dogs?  Or a universe where someone was like “Hey, zeppelins are way cooler than planes, let’s just do that!”  Or a universe where AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME CAN GROW A FULL BEARD?!  What an amazing life that Ronaldo must have… in THIS stupid reality I have a really hard time getting my moustache to connect to the rest of my facial hair and it’s incredibly frustrating.”

KBCW and Ronaldo’s commentary in general are usually half-right. Like the “Polymorphic Sentient Rocks are aliens who want to hollow out the earth… to make it lighter so they can transport it back to their star system” thing.

I can't help but think the "Dinosaurs for pets instead of dogs" is a reference to the live action Super Mario Bros. movie- where the meteor that killed the dinosaurs sent them to a parallel universe instead, causing mammals to go instinct in said universe. (Don’t know about the zeppelins.)

And then, and THEN there’s Keep Beach City Safe, KBCW’s more obscure rival blog run by (most likely) Onion under the pseudonym "The Observer". Apparently he’s planted cameras all over town to record Steven’s adventures. There's also a "Recruiter" and second mystery narrator calling themselves "Marco Díez", it's a whole thing,

Assuming it’s real, here’s one of the posts I think are the most relevant.

“I have been on zero gem hunts over the years, and what i have learned over the years is: always be prepared for anything, and everything. Connie’s already knows that and this her first mission. I, wasn’t so fortunate on my first mission. It was a crisp Autumn morning, - with notes of cinnamon in the air. I was the mountains, the air temperature, humidity and level elevation levels, were perfect.

Then, I noticed the creature, it was charging me. I tried to evade the gem monster, but it just kept on coming, and coming! There was no escape! And then- Wait! I just remembered. I never been on a gem hunt! So where did I get that story from?”

This was posted on August 1st alongside Gem Hunt… and the day after the Greg The Babysitter post, which was deleted earlier this year, right after people started interacting with it again.

Being a Babysitter is hard, especially if your Greg Universe. This guy, in the picture above me. Wait did I just become self aware? Hey, I did! Haha, I always knew I was more to me than just a narrator. Actually this is the first time I thought about, Because I'm self aware baby! Woohoo, yeah! Wait, what was I talking about? Ah yes, Gregory. So this Greg guy,Has to Babysit this cool baby, because he owes her for letting him mooch off her. And Greg, is like totally irresponsible, he some how lets the baby climb a Ferris Wheel. How does that even happen? This dude is so not getting payed. And what's up with his hair!?!

So here it is, another story, told by Greg, about his past self. I wonder how many times I started a paragraph with the word so. And when he was telling this story, we got some clues that could finally tell use when all of this started. We know about the gems and what happened  thousands of years ago, but we don't know about the hems and  what happened thousands of years ago. They wee being very vague about the whole thing. Almost intentionally, well it was obsessively intentional.

?

There are subtle inconsistencies in Beach City's layout. ("The Observer" points this out, too.)

Remember Danny’s? In Bubble Buddies and Joking Victim, there’s a shop named Danny’s Salt Water Taffy.

Then in Watermelon Steven it’s gone.

As for a prop: Chaaaaps used to just be Chips

That’s from Monster Buddies, the episode right after Steven and The Stevens.

It's just as likely someone on the show simply thought the background/chips looked a little too busy or whatever. But re-doing stuff costs a lot of time and money, yknow? Neither of which is the animation industry very generous about. Did you know even props have model sheets?

Of course it could just be another brand of chips. Maybe Utz got involved somehow.

Lastly I want to highlight a quote from a Rebecca Sugar interview regarding SU ending.

“The story is continuing off screen and I do know what happens next, at least in certain timelines, for the characters,” Sugar says. “But I would have to decide how and when I’d want to dig into that, or if it’s best to give them their privacy.”

yeah so like what the fuck

[pastpatientlywaitingforimagines]

Constellation | Spencer Reid x Reader Platonic

WC: 2547

A/N: A cheeky little Galaxy post :)

WARNINGS: SPOILERS FOR 13x01, hospitals, general CM stuff, descriptions of panic attacks and PTSD (fictional so possibly not accurate and DEFINITELY not how everyone might experience it)

This is part of my GALAXY universe! If you liked this relationship, check out the MASTERLIST for more content!

You had only just been allowed to resume field work after an extended medical leave when Cat Adams resurfaced, leading Emily to sideline you once again.

“I’m not having this fight with you, (y/n).”

“I’m cleared for field work.”

“I know, but you’ve been cleared for less than a week and I don’t want your first case back to be this one.”

“Why, because it’s Cat Adams? I’m not afraid of her.”

“Because you’re not afraid of her, that’s why.”

“Emily-“

“I told you, I’m not having this fight. You’re going to stay here and work the case with us. JJ will go with Reid.”

As much as you resented Emily for not letting you go to the prison with Spencer, you were glad she was at least sending JJ. At least he wouldn’t be alone. It was enough to keep your head on straight, and Emily even let you go with the team to collect Diana. It made you feel more useful, especially when Spencer’s mom recognized you among the team.

When you got back to the BAU, you planned to make sure Spencer and his mom had everything they needed to resume normal life. Instead, you were greeted by Morgan, who had a lead on Scratch.

You expected Emily to tell you to stay, Scratch was just as big of a threat as Cat Adams, but she handed you a kevlar vest and didn’t say anything about it when you joined the team in the SUV’s.

It was thrilling, being back in the field. You understood why you hadn’t been allowed to be there in so long, your mind kept flickering to Spencer and his wellbeing. For the past three months, the thought was loaded and often lead to panic attacks. Now that he was released, you had to keep reminding yourself that he was safe before your worries got that far.

The speed of the drive was enough to fuel your adrenaline, but it was amped up quickly when the spikes took out your small caravan.

The truck came out of nowhere, smashing into your vehicle and immediately disorienting you more than you already were. When you finally came to, the first thing you noticed was the pain in your left arm. There was a woman next to you, she didn’t look physically injured but her behavior told you otherwise. She clearly had something internal going on.

You tried to exit the vehicle, but the side was smashed into your leg. While you didn’t think your leg was broken, you surely wouldn't be able to get it out on your own. Your hands found your gun instead, and on autopilot you double checked that it was loaded. You couldn't figure out where the rest of your gear was, or your platoon. You started whispering their names, trying to locate them.

“Smith… sound off. Marcos… sound off… Taylor… sound off. Taylor… sound off.”

“(y/n)?” a strangely familiar voice called. You tried to melt into the seat as much as you could, keeping your gun drawn towards the door on the other side of the woman. It opened, revealing a man you felt like you knew in another life.

“(y/n), it’s Matt Simmons. Are you hurt?”

“I don’t know who you are,” you kept your gun trained on his forehead. He paused for a moment, noticing the state that the woman next to you was in.

“Ok, ok. I’m going to take Tara, you stay where you are and I’ll help you next.”

“Where’s my platoon?” you asked. The flicker of realization that briefly crossed his face confused you, but instead of acting on it he took the woman he called Tara out of the SUV and started calling for someone named Luke.

“Sergeant (y/l/n), I’m Luke Alvez with the 75th Rangers. I’m going to help you get out, ok?” A new voice, also familiar, said to you calmly, “can you put the gun down?”

“Where's my platoon, Alvez?” you asked again.

“You were in an accident,” he slid onto the seat next to you when you lowered your weapon, though you kept your finger on the trigger.

“They ambushed us,” you whispered quietly when he got to working on freeing your leg.

“I know. Do you know where you are?”

“Afghanistan,” you answered incredulously, “where are the helicopters? How are you going to extract us without helicopters?” You were starting to panic more than you already had been, breathing increasing rapidly. You held your arm at a funny angle, trying to keep it where it would hurt the least. Your best guess was at least one broken bone in your arm and also a broken collarbone on that side.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. You’re having a flashback. I can’t get your leg out from here. The first responders are going to have to help, but I can’t have you shooting them.”

“No,” you pushed back on him with your good arm, “If I can’t move you need to find Taylor first.”

“Who is Taylor?”

“You’re no help to me,” your hand flew to your left wrist, fiddling with the bracelet you wore.

“Ok, I’ll be right back,” he stepped out of the SUV and back to Simmons. Despite the clamor of first responders around you, you could still hear what the two men were saying.

“They’re deep in a flashback. We can’t get power tools in here until they’ve calmed down or they will start fighting and hurt a lot of people including themselves,” Luke said.

“So how do we do that?”

“They keep asking about their platoon, about someone named Taylor. I know (y/n) got into a humvee accident while they were overseas, I think they’re reliving it. I don’t know all the details though.”

“Who does? Does (y/n) have a therapist we can call?”

“Yeah, but it’s three in the morning,” Luke fell silent for a minute before speaking again, “I’ll call Reid. He might know something.

You had an inkling that those words were supposed to mean something to you, and it only frustrated you more when they didn’t. Alvez announced that he was rejoining you in the SUV, then pulled out his cell phone, a move that confused you because phones like that didn’t work in the desert.

It confused you even more when the call seemingly connected, Alvez giving the person on the other line information about being ambushed by Scratch, Steven being dead, and Emily missing. Though familiar, none of those names made sense to you, or your situation.

“No,” you hissed, “Taylor. I can’t find Taylor.”

“(y/n) is ok. Their arm is broken, and they're deep in a flashback. They keep asking about someone named Taylor. They never talked about a Taylor in group, what can I do to help them?” Alvez listened for a minute, then handed you the phone, “it’s for you.”

“Where did you take Taylor,” you asked harshly as soon as you had the phone in your hand.

“Listen to me, (y/n). It’s Spencer. Your mind is playing tricks on you, you’re not in Afghanistan anymore. Look around,” you finally took a minute to observe your surroundings. There were too many trees for you to be in the desert, he was right. Of all the things that weren’t making sense to you right now, he was the most familiar. He had the answers you were looking for.

“Where am I? What is happening to me?"

“You’re with the FBI in Virginia. You can trust Luke, he’s going to make sure they take you to the hospital and I’ll meet you there.”

“Is Taylor ok?”

“Yes. I’ll tell you where Taylor is when I see you at the hospital, ok? I know you’re scared and hurt, (y/n), but listen to me. It’s only rain. Can you picture the rain for me?”

A single memory jumped to the forefront of your mind, standing in the rain with a curly-headed man you were certain was Spencer. You could feel the way the droplets hit your skin, you could feel the comfort you had with the man you knew was your best friend. You could feel your lungs opening up and your breathing get easier.

“Spencer,” you exhaled, finally finding footing in your brain, “it’s only rain.”

“Keep breathing, Luke is going to get you out and I’ll meet you at the hospital, ok?”

“Yeah,” you fought to keep your breathing steady, “I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

You hung up and handed the phone back to Luke, counting your breaths.

“Give me another minute, Luke,” you could still feel your heart racing, though your mind was fighting to come back to reality. Once you felt like you had a better grip on it, you gave Luke the go-ahead and braced yourself while the crushed door of the SUV was cut off of the vehicle. It took every grounding technique you had to keep your head in the right place, and more than once you felt yourself start to panic about where Taylor was.

Luke rode in the ambulance with you, reassuring you multiple times that it was ok when you apologized for pointing a gun at him and Matt. You could feel your body crashing from the loss of adrenaline, the usual post-episode exhaustion coupled with the almost excruciating pain coming from your left side.

When Spencer arrived at the hospital, your brain was still cloudy from the exhaustion and various pain meds you had been given when the orthopedist had set your arm.

“How are you feeling?” he took a quick glance at your medical chart before actually making eye contact.

“Just tired, and still not… still not all the way here. Taylor… I still can’t figure out what happened to Taylor…”

Spencer sat down on the edge of the hospital bed, eyes soft, “Taylor was killed in the accident ten years ago. Your humvee was ambushed, do you remember?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, “I remember. Ten years ago when I was in the military. Now I’m a Supervisory Special Agent for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. We were chasing a lead when we were ambushed by Mr. Scratch, Peter Lewis,” Spencer nodded, “is the rest of the team ok? I haven’t seen them.”

“I haven’t seen anyone yet either,” he hesitated, and your knowledge of the man clued you in to the fact that he was calculating the probability of declining your condition if he told you everything he knew. The odds were in your favor, because after a moment he spoke again, “but Steven is dead and Emily is missing.”

“Emily’s missing?”

“I don’t know much about it, I have to talk to everyone else.”

“Then go talk to them, I promise I won’t go anywhere until you come back,” you reassured him. He made his rounds to JJ and Rossi in their rooms, then returned to yours with Luke on his heels. The other man stopped at the doorway when Spencer re-entered your room.

“I have to go take care of something for Rossi. You’re going to be ok here,” he said quickly before you could protest.

“I’m coming with you,” you started to get up. Spencer caught you gingerly when you practically fell into his grasp, still fatigued from your earlier episode.

“You can’t, not like this,” he whispered, lowering you back down onto the bed, “stay here a little longer. Will is in the next room with JJ, he said he’d take you home when they discharge you.”

“I don’t want to go home, Spence. I want to help find Emily.”

“I know, you can’t go into the field like this though. Tell me you’ll be good for the doctors so I can leave here without worrying more about you.”

You couldn't say no to this man you cared so much about, not when he was looking at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes you had ever seen from him.

"I'll try my best," you sighed, leaning back onto the pillow.

"Thank you," he gave your good hand a squeeze before heading back towards the door where Luke was waiting.

"Luke," you called before they could leave. He stopped in his tracks, inquisitively making eye contact with you to show you he was listening, "don't let him get lost in that big brain of his, ok?"

"I won't. Rest up, we need you back at full strength as soon as possible."

"Thank you," you whispered after him as he followed Spencer out of the hospital. You tried to get some sleep, but it didn't come easy as your brain tried to make sense of the events that had transpired the past few days. First Spencer's mom was taken, Spencer was released from prison, then Cat Adams showed up claiming to be pregnant with his baby, and now Scratch had literally ran a truck into your team- your family. It was a lot for one person to process, especially since your brain had taken an unwanted break from reality earlier in the evening.

You managed to doze off for a little bit, flitting in and out of sleep until exhaustion finally took over and pulled you deeper into its throws.

You were woken by a nurse who cheerfully informed you that you could go home. Will came to collect you and held your bag of belongings for you when he walked you out to his car.

He answered all of your questions to the best of his ability and even offered to bring you back to his home when you expressed how much you didn’t want to go back to your apartment.

Henry and Michael were enough to distract you from your reeling worries and keep you grounded while you waited to hear from the rest of the team. You let the boys draw on your cast, leaving the hard plaster full of colorful artwork.

As you were eating breakfast that Will had made, your phone finally rang.

“Emily is safe, Scratch is dead,” Spencer said when you answered.

“Thank goodness,” you sighed.

“Are you at home?” He asked next.

“No, I’m at JJ and Will’s. I wasn’t ready to be alone just yet,” you told him honestly.

“How’s your head?”

“Clearer now that I’ve gotten some sleep and some food. How’s yours?”

“Still getting back up to speed. Why don’t I pick you up and we can have a quiet day with my mom? We could all use the rest.”

“Sure, Spence. I’d love to spend some time with your mom.”

When Spencer came to pick you up, you noticed a soft smile playing on his lips when he saw the way you were curled up on the couch watching tv with the boys tucked into your side.

You let them greet him first, they hadn’t seen him since before he had gone to prison. Once they released him he finally wrapped his arms around you tightly.

Your relationship had never been very physical. In fact, you could count the number of times you had hugged Spencer Reid on one hand. Standing in Will and JJ’s entryway, though, embracing him for the first time since he had been arrested, you didn’t want to let go.

Galaxy Taglist: @kermitsaysgayrights @niallthedancingharry @shadyladyperfection  @thatsonezesty13  @lexshead @ceeellewrites @howdycharlie @girlycakepops @fantastic-fans @canimarrypizzaornah @daisyflower138 @dyingrexx @taylormobley @bazzleslynn @tj-drinks-tea @willa-wonky @eddiesbifocals @tee-mbrown @reniescarlett @bone-hurty-bitch

[popculturebuffet]

Star Vs The Forces of Evil: Is Another Mystery (Prince of Wishful Thinking) or Wasted Potetial

Happy Valentine’s Day Lucifans! And while I originally intended to cover this along with the much worse Booth Buddies I had too much to say about both to try and clown car both together so here we are. And just in times for V-Day we have a StarTom episode.. that isn’t as focused on thier relationship as I thought because I hadn’t seen this in a while because every time I think of things in this series I think of all the wasted potetial and it gives me a migrane. I’d also like to thank @jess-the-vampire for talking this one over with me as usual, and helping me think through some stuff. And as with last time we’re picking up about where we left off, so no real exposition to get through. Join me under the cut as we solve a mystery and marvel at HOW much potential from this episode the show squandered. 

We open with Marco chasing Glossaryck.. and it’s only now I realize I have not talked about this subplot at all. Or Glossaryck really. As you probably know Glossaryck is the tiny man who lives in the big book of spells, created the magical high comission and is a colossasl assshat whose likeablity plumted this season. For starters his voice actor Jeffery Tambour was outed as a massive creep, making him harder to stomach even if the show had reduced him to stock footage of one line. Speaking of which he came back from the dead... and despite it being revealed he was fully sapient the whole time and just saying Eclipsa’s husbands name without context a twist coming up int he finale that i’ll give out about here as while clever when you first hear it. makes NO sense in hindsight, as Eclipsa might of mentioned it before now especially since Glossaryck was around her quite a few times, had no reason not to, and you’d THINK Star, Marco or Moon, especially the latter two, would be curious why he can only say that and has seemingly been reduced to an infant. It’s an annoying subplot tha’ts just casually part of the series and no one seems to care about despite Glossaryck being a big deal and the spellbook revealing there IS a way to make copies, one that would be used next season. 

But what really just made me HATE him.. is how he contributed to how bad things on Mewni are, by doing nothing. Being omnicent and powerful does not mean you do nothing.. it just means you have to be VERY careful. Power is a responsivity not an excuse to say “Wheelp my kids were a mistake going to just let them overthrow the government, become far more entriched in mewni politics, and boss me around without EVER questioning them or trying to replace them”. His apathy is never really called out by anyone but Marco, and he’s treated with all this undue importance despite not doing anything but train the queens, which even then i’ts questionable how good he was at that. Just an asshole, not the worst character in the series, he’s coming up in a few episodes, but just wholly unlikeable. And I get he’s supposed to be comically douchey but after what we learn about eclipsa it just passes into unforgivable and it’s never brought up or talked about. Which is a trend for this series and I don’t know why i’m even bothering being annoyed at this point when I could easily COUNT the number of potential plot threads the series half finished, dropped or wasted and it’d probably hit 50+. 

So Marco is chasing after Glossarcyk and ends up in Buff Frog’s office. Buff Frog was Ludo’s former second in command, who reformed, and became close with Star and Marco, and who Star gave a position as Royal Monster Expert in order to have an ACTUAL MONSTER doing their job since the previous person was a crazy lady who thought of htem as less than sapient and tried to drown them all for reasons I don’t quite remember. This.. has not come up since and this is the first time we’ve seen his office since and it’s empty. 

Marco finds a note for star but accidently reads it before he can get it to her, and we do get a glimpse of the old Marco as he’s disgraught over “reading someone’s mail without their permission!” I missed this.. I think I blocked out the GOOD times with marco in my brain behind a butter-like wall of all the stupid shit he did this season and the next and the whole resolution to the starco thing that left a taste in my mouth not unlike sardine juice mixed with vinegar, aka what causes Mitch Mconnel’s face to look like delfated and to sound like the ghost of Michgian J Frogs Condederate Uncle. 

Meanwhile Star is with Tom and is distruaght after finding our her life is a lie and feels there’s no one she feels she can talk to about this, and Tom’s face when she says this just...

You can tell the poor guy is just hurt. HIs girlfirend is hurting.. and she dosen’t even CONSIDER talking to him about this or think she can trust him despite him being RIGHT THERE. This expression is only on screen for half a second but it says so much. And another thing it says is that he dosen’t know HOW to help her, as evidenced by the fact his offering to is very awkward and sitlted, that he’s clearly HURT she dosen’t think she can confide in him, but is so awkward in general and out of his depth her ehe dosen’t know how to help he just wants to.  But while Star eventually seems receptive.. Marco busts in and we get a seen of EVERYONE involved being a canoe filed with dicks and old vhs copies of biodome. After of course Marco tells Star, Buff Frog is gone. To wit

Star: Immediately plans to take off with Marco and only Marco despite tom being right there, that he could help even if he has no stake in it, and the fact that cloudy can both grow, and Tom can you know.. FLY. That’s a thing we’ve seen him do a lot. So space isn’t an issue, sh’es just forgetting tom exists. Which WOULD work if it was an intentional issue but is sadly the beggining of Star being a pretty terrible girlfriend to tom. This example is lighter since you know , one of her closest friends and his small children are missing, and this is the day after her entire world got flip turned upside down, so I can forgive her a bit since she’s probably not thinking clearly.. but it’s the start of a LONG pattern fo her forgetting tom exists when it’s not coinvent and not thinking about his feelings.

Marco: When Tom asks to take Marco’s place, Marco says, not that he’s buff frog’s friend or he’s worried again about the fact he has kids that could be in danger but “I’m her squire it’s my job”... BEFORE you know the fact his friend WITH YOUNG CHLIDRNE WHO COULD BE DEAD VIA HATE CRIME, is missing. 

Seriously it says something about how far Marco has fallen by this ponit that even in an episode wher eh’es largely his old self.. he STILL make this about him and star to her boyfriend’s face. HiS FRIEND’S FACE. There will be worse from Marco soon enough, and far worse we won’t be covering, but it does say something that they did him so wrong this season that THIS is minor in comparison to some of the other shit he pulls. 

Tom: The only INTEITONAL one of these, as Star’s neglect feels like it was an accident, as he insists on coming along as her boyfriend despite this being a fairly serious situation and him clearly just wanting alone time. 

OH and if you thought the writers you know ACTUALLY cared about STar’s anguish over finding out her whole life was a lie, her newly found grandma who actually relates to her and treats her with respect unlike her mother isn’t biologically related (Not that blood relation matters but I can see why finding out the one family member besides your dad who was anything like you in recent memory.. isn’t related to you would hurt).. 

This highlights the show’s biggest flaw, and yes folks it’s bigger than the ending with the accidental genocide and the horrible implications. That was bad.. but what really tripped the show up long before that.. is the lack of payoff. Now sure some plots get payoffs, especially the Metora one, it’s one of the series best arcs.. but TONS of other threads are just outright ignored, casually dropped or never really pulled.  Look I know that every show has things we wished they’d done more with, and most of the greats of this generation have stuff they dropped the ball on by dropping it or never really getting into it: She Ra never really had any closure with Catra and Scorpia, despite Catra hurting her the most out of anyone and that could’ve been a good thing for her character developent and Scorpia’s own character development. Ducktales had NO intention of going into Della’s reaction to Scrooge and Donald’s feud and quitely ignored or retconned the fact Scrooge clearly erased Della’s long history from the web and wherever else he could, as why else would the kids have never known. Did they just not use google? Steven Universe, if partially by design as it turns out, skipped over a LOT of things and ignored a lot of intresting characters human and gem. It’s the nature of writing seralized teleivsion: Sometimes you just forget to take care of something or simply don’t have the space to. That is fine.  The problem is star does this.. for major plot points that really CAN’T be ignored. Starting with this season they flat out ignore Star telling Marco how she felt for pretty much the entire season. They only deal with it in booth buddies.... THREE EPISODES before the season finale two parter. Despite it having massive impliciations, doing so IN FRONT OF JACKIE, who was her friend, and Jann who is both Jackie and Star’s friend and is not subtle.  We never get any fallout from this and the show weirdly acts like Marco can’t easily visit home. I mean yes he’s star’s squire but she’s not a heartless monster> The DIazes were her parents for a while too. And that’s not even getting into Marco Junior... “Shudders”. But that part of the cliffhanger was just the start after that the pile just kept getting larger. Before it was basically JUST the monster arm and it possibly being involved with the blood moon. So to prove my point i’m making a list of EVERY dropped plot point or storyline from the series, most of which are from season 3 onward. And naturally I asked jess for help with this after the first 25.. and the list DOUBLED. One or two of these are nitpicky.. but the fact the vast majority AREN’T .. yeah.

1. Jackie’s reactoin to Star’s feelings for Marco 2. Janna’s Reaction to Star’s feelings for Marco 3. Buff Frog being head monster expert 4. Buff Frog and Co fleeing this dimension and where they WENT exactly 5. Tom being a Monster 6. Star not being a Butterfly by blood 7. Moon’s reaction to not being a butterfly by blood 8. Rhombulus feeling guilty 9. Marco’s reaction to hekapoo being a terrible person 10. Marco and Kelly’s Relationship (Technically resovled but done poorly) 11. Tad not being over Kelly 12. Hornanne never getting a horn (I know minor but it bothers me a lot) 13. Eclipsa having to win over the other kingdoms 14. Related, the Johnasons being the hardest one of those to overcome 15. Related to 13 again: Why Tom’s Parent’s didn’t suppport eclipsa 16. What the Jaggy Mountains are or are like at all 17. WHy Glossaryck was worried about Globgor 18. Why Glossaryck faked being feral for a season 19. How Star had a piece of the spell book 20. What Mr. Candle’s Deal is 21. The Pie Folk knowing the true lineage of the queen 22. Was the commission conspiracy ever made public.  23. Meteora possibly having memories from her previous self 24. Lobster Claws 25. River’s reaction to moon’s betrayal 26. Toffee’s Past  and Motivations 27. Marco’s Cheekmarks 28. Any reaction by Star and Janna to said cheekmarks 29. The kingdom’s reaction to the book being stolen is never brought up again 30. The Past Queens (Never brought up in show itself, but Jess feels there was supposed to be more there and I agree) 31. The Septarian Painting in ST.O’s (While i’ts a hint at who meteora is WHY it’s there and why ST. O would even allow it and why it’s of septarians is never explained) 32. Monster Arm 33. Relicor’s Wife 34. Why the dance memory was different 35. How do people in other dimensions get dimensional scissors? 36. How Did Toffee Know of the Whipsering Spell? 37. Where did Toffe, Ludo and Rasticore’s dimensonal scissors/chainsaw come from? 38. Toffee’s Damage to Mewni (Never gets brought up aagain after silver bell) 39. Why Globgor eating Shastacan was “Complicated” 40. Upwards Waterfall Unicorn 41. Star spying on Marco and Jackie 42. Any Explination for Green Magic 43. The photo’s of star and marco’s kiss (To quote jess, into the void they go) 44. How Metora Learned Soulsucking and why she can do that 45. Metora taking Rasticores arm with her.  46. The Neverzone’s weird time dialation 47. Star’s Neglect of Tom 48. The Spiderbites reaction to globgor being freed 49. The “Big Surge of Dark Magic” 50. Eclipsa “gets into your head 51. Star learning wandless magic with no effort 52. Where did Brian Go? 53. Star and Marco Never apologize for the kiss on screen 54. “I know how this all ends 55. Why Lekmet was never Replaced and why reynadlo didsn’t replace him

55 in the span of an hour.. and that’s not even getting into the fact Jess was thinking these up off the top of her head and probbaly coudl’ve kept going, but I didn’t want to overtax her since I was asking a favor of her, and  fifty goddamn three is more than enough to say ya done fucked up. Just.. holy shit. MARVEL has less dropped plotlines than this, and that at least has the caveat of changing writers and some writers being dipshits who don’t CARE about resolving what happened before. The Star team has an excuse for maybe 10 or 20 of these.. but 55! Fifty Goddamn five! And that’s stopping as we could probably have found more and just tying this paragraph we did, hence 55. How much do you have to NOT care about your audience, your plots and your characters to miss this much? The three I mentioned before all have understandable explinations behind them: She-Ra had a set episode count and only so much space and it made more sense story wise to have scorpia be taken over by the horde. Ducktales is on a kids network and Disney isn’t at all supportive of adult plots to the point a courtroom episode was deemd too confusing for kids... which first off , no, and secondly you see what they were dealing with. and Steven Universe again did this slightly intentionally, with things happening offscreen because that’s how life works, sometimes it worked sometimes it didn’t. 

This is just incompetence on a MASSIVE scale that boggles the goddamn mind. I have seen shows do worse, but i’ve never seen a show flush most of i’t spoteital drama nad character development down a goddamn hole again, and again and again in such a consitent manner. There’s no wonder I didn’t see this at the time. This is a level of messed up you have to see from helicopter view! The show just stopped carring about finishing most of it’s storylines and just brought shit up when it was convient and threw it out on a scale that just... just.. 

It sucks. It sucks to see a show that had so much potetial squander it, it sucks the show ended up like this, as only a handful of those are from pre season 3, and it sucks that the clock is ticking on how much good I have to say about the show without having to add the button “And then this was never properly resolved.” Good. Fucking. Grief. And Jess wanted to find MORE, and probably could, but I didn’t want her to dedicate her life to this. It’s monuentally frustrating, and saddening to see waht a waste of potetial this series was by the end. All of this is one big list of what if and most of it shoudl’ve been resolved in some way. “Sigh”.... let’s move on.. for my sanity’s sake. I made myself very sad. 

So with Marco out of the way Tom and Star start investigating and Tom is a bit of a dick about it, suggesting they abandon the search for her friend and his CHLDREN to go get a corn shake and that the monsters just went out grocery shopping.. the former is just horribly out of character, as even if he would WANT to leave he woudln’t be so cavialer about it when sh’es this upset just a few episodes AFTER monster bash, where he learned you know.. not to do that. The other is just ehhh... like you think he’d react to an entire town being missing and Star’s JUSTIFIED fear mina did it , after she easily swatted both of them aside, with more than “eh maybe their doing pesant stuff I don’t know” Thankfully the “Tom is a huge dick and also star is grossed out by him liking monster food revealing she might still be a touch racist without realizing it, which itself is nver touched on, let’s call that number 54″, portion of the episode ends when dark gets a little something on him

Star gets one in her arm, and the two pass out and wake up with sacks over them. We do get the best part of the episdoe where both try to run around blind, and Tom realizes he’s claustrophbic and starts panicking, which results in him falling around and kicking in a circle, while Star takes a guy out and while she can’t see assumes she did something cool. Eventually we find out their kidnappers are related to the buff frog thing and tell her to stop looking and just to be serious are going to break tom’s horns... before Buff Frog arrives wondering what the fuck their thinking and stopping them, and he and his kids are fine. Turns out he’s leaving Mewni and Katrina, his oldest daughter who has giant legs now, wanted to make sure they got to say goodbye, so she left the note in his name knowing Star would come and find them. Before we get into all of that, just a quick aside.. okay so baiscally these monsters who threatened are either fleeing mewni or running some sort of underground railroad to cover up the monster exodus. Which begs the question... why did they tihnk breaking the horns of a crowned prince of one of their allied states and kidnapping and threatning the princess of mewni, who is PUBLICLY pro monster and thus only makes them look worse, was at all a good idea. I get wanting to hdie this but breaking Tom’s horns is only going to lead to a fight at best and two kingdoms coming down at them with their full might, putting innocent people in the crossfire at worst and most likely

But yes the Monsters are leaving.. and this is part of where the episode misteps as the scale is kind of hard to figure in hindsight. On one hand the montser villiage is abandoned , meaning that the episode implies ALL the monsters are leaving.. but not only are some left, once Eclipsa takes over plenty of monsters come back or may of never left, making nit very vauge just how many actually left, especially since the party leaving that we see is just about 10 monsters not including buff frog’s babies.. where did they come from by the way? Ludo just kinda stole them but from where? Jess brought that up but i’m not sure I got it on the list so 55. The show is entirely too vauge on if this is a mass exodus of eveyr monster at long last or just a large migration of them wanting a better life. Instead of explaining any of this when it’s a very intresting and engrossing idea, the monsters leaving the predjuicde outright, the possible hateful reactoins of the commission given how paranoid they are, how star would combat this, a possible divide in monsterkind with one half going back and the other staying put, WHERE they went exactly.. there’s a lot of great questions and stories here.. but as the list the size of my gut should make clear, none of them get answere dbecause this series just didn’t care about it.. and if so then WHY bring it up. That’s why I brought up the list in the first place.. because this is one of MANY times they bring something up and just.. do nothing with it. Then why did you bring it up in the first fucking place?! As I said I can abide by dropping a plot point for time or beacause Disney is kinda dumb or you just want to get to other good stuff and you had to make a cut. And while a portion of the list is that. i’ts mostly things like this: really fascenating stuff.. that’s ignored because htey just stopped caring. 

So before they all can leave despite Star’s best efforts, TOM steps up and calls them cowards.. and admit’s he’s a monster too. And while one.. WEIRD looking guy points out he’s rich, so should he count, Tom counters with the fact that sure he’s rich.. but when he gets in an elevator he’s a monster. He may be part of a diffrent “catageory”.. but to a stranger he’s just the same as them. While it dosen’t feel quite earned by the episode, it is a moral that needs to be taught: prilvage dosen’t insulate you completely from prejudice. You can still be discrminated against no matter how much money you have or how far you get because the system sucks.  And once again this is a waste of potetial: tom technically being a monster and being the son of a human and a demon is never brought up again.. despite you know also being a massively powerful monster child of a monster and a mewman.. like a certain someone who’se the big bad for this half of the season. It just never comes up... and I get it’s a categorical bullshit thing, that the comission werne’t worried about a lucitor doing any of this because “Well demons are okay and we have a treaty and stuff”, but the show had no trouble pointing out categorical bullshit before.. why not now? 

The ending however is good as Buff Frog.. isn’t convinced. HE admit’s tom’s speech is good.. but he’s been dealing with this stuff for too long. It also works because him leaving the job they never focused on.. isn’t framed as him being ungreatful or anything. He’s genuinely appricative of what Star is trying to do and gets her heart is in the right place.. but she doesn’t have the power to fix this. She’s just a kid, and while she has some power her mother has no real intention of making things better for them. And he has to think of a better life for his kids.. so we get some tearful goodbyes as Buff Frog promises to return when she’s in charge.. even though he does because she’s in charge in the season finale and we never see him , 56, and he has to be talked into coming back in the last season... so they leave but Tom promises her it can work out because their a monster and a mewman and they hug and I sigh a little knowing how this relationship ends and the accidental message it sends. 

Final Thoughts: This episode is DECENT on it’s own but in hindsight.. it’s just depressing, bringing up some good ideas.. that end up going nowhere and the ending REALLY isn’t great in hindsight when he leaves star so she can be with another human-type person. Also tom’s charcterization is a bit lopsided starting off worse than ever and being fine in the end, and while that COULD just be that he felt he coudln’t admit he was a monster... it honestly just feels liked they wanted the moral without having to work for it as him being a monster has nothing to do with how he acted earlier. Till the next rainbow... UUGGGGHHHh. 

[pswaney12]

Happy Birthday Haruta

I was sitting in the mansions living room with Guns N’ Roses, Aerosmith, Cinderella, and of course the rest of the band I was apart of Bon Jovi. We were currently talking about our next concert. The date was decided to be February 4th, Haruta’s birthday. I frowned at the realization. “What’s wrong (Y/n)?” Tom asked. “I just realized that someone who is important to me has a birthday that day.” I muttered. “Just give him a ticket!” Tom smiled. I smiled back realizing I could just do that. The rest of the day was spent deciding just what we were going to do for the concert and the last thing for that day was signing records we could give to Haruta. The four days leading up to that concert were spent practicing, deciding on outfits, and getting used to using cables. This concert was an indoor one so we could use them. Haruta and I had talked, he understood that I was busy, but he didn’t know why. On the day of the concert I knocked on the door of Harutas house. Izo answered and his eyes widened recognizing me. “(Y/n)! It’s been a few days since you were last over.” Izo said hugging me. “Well I have been getting Harutas surprise ready.” I whispered. Izos mouth formed an o. “What do you have planned?” He asked me. “It’s a surprise.” I laughed walking In. “Welll I’m gonna go give Haruta his gifts.” I smiled and walked up the stairs. When I opened the door to his room I saw him sitting at his desk. I walked behind Haruta and smiled. “Happy birthday Haruta.” I whispered in his ear. I placed the records and the tickets I front of him and smiled. “Save the envelope for last, but go on ahead and open your gifts.” I said and sat on his lap. I watched him pick up the first album and tear the paper off. It was Cinderella’s first album Night Songs, with a limited edition disk. I owned more than one myself. Haruta looked at me and back at the album. “Take the record out.” I said. Haruta nodded and carefully pulled the disk out. He quietly gasped seeing the limited edition disk, along with the band’s signatures. “Go on ahead and open the others.” The next one he opened was Aerosmith’s Permanent Vacation album. Once again the same situation. Limited edition disk with the signatures. Next was Guns N’ Roses Appetite For Destitution, and finally Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet. “Thank you (Y/n)!” Haruta said hugging me tightly. “Open the envelope now.” I smiled. Haruta opened the envelope to see 17 vip tickets. “Thank you!” He said. “There’s a ticket for you all.” I said. “What about you?” Haruta asked. “I’ll be there. Don’t worry.” I said. His hand played with my curly hair. It reminded him of the people in the hair bands, he like it though. He thought it suited me. “Babe I have to go get ready. You should too, don’t forget to give everyone their tickets.” I said. “I’ll see you there.” Haruta said and kissed me. “Also, I recommend you guys get there early it’s gonna be a full house tonight.” I said walking out. “I’ll see you later! Love you!” Haruta said. “Love you!” I left and drove off to where the concert was being held. We all got dressed, our stage make up done, and we were warming up. My outfit consisted of a white leather top that tied in the front, a pair of white leather pants, and my hat. I had my black guitar in hand. I looked over at my brother Richie who’s outfits was similar to mine, but his clothes were black leather and his guitar was white. We are had the cables on as well. The moment people started making their way into the room we went backstage.

Once the crowd had gathered in the room we all stepped out on stage. I searched the crowd for Haruta. The moment I found him I smiled. The moment the crowd saw us there was an uproar in excitement. Each singer took their microphones and grinned. “Hello New York!” They all said. “Tonight is the first concert of this tour! There will be many more to come. So now why don’t we get started.” Steve grinned. We received cheers in response. “Why don’t you guys go first, Steve.” Jon said. Steve gave us a big grin and yowled into the mic. Aerosmith played three songs, those three were Hearts Done Time, Magic Touch, and Rag Doll. Guns N’ Roses played next. Slash, Izzy and Duff picked up their guitars, Axl took his microphone, and Steven sat at his drums. They played Welcome To The Jungle, It’s So Easy, and Night Train. Next Tom took the mic. “So many of you might have not heard of us-“ Tom was cut off by me. “Tom, let me introduce you guys.” I smiled into the microphone. Harutas eyes widened recognizing my voice. “Did you know she played guitar?” Marco asked. “No clue.” Haruta replied. “Let me introduce you to a good friend of mine and the bands. This is Tom Keifer and his band Cinderella. Before you all make any assumptions let me say they have certainly impressed me and my band mates.” I said. Tom looked at me and mouthed ‘thank you.’ I smiled back at him and stepped back. Cinderella played their songs Night Songs, Shake me, and Nobody’s Fool. The crowd was wild. Tom and his band looked all giddy it made us smile. The entire time Cinderella played Harutas eyes never left me. He watched me dance along and he figured that it was now our turn to play. The stage lights cut off as Jon, Richie, Alec, and I walked up. “Shot through the heart, and your to blame, darlin’ you give love a bad name!~” Jon sang and the lights cut back on. We played You Give Love A Bad Name, Livin’ On A Prayer, and Wanted Dead or Alive. I watched Haruta dance along the entire concert it was so cute! I stepped up to the mic and smiled. “There’s a birthday out in the crowd tonight! If you all could do me a favor and wish Haruta a happy birthday, that would be amazing!” I grinned. All the others stepped up to their own mic. “Happy birthday!” We all said as the crowds erupted. “Thank you all for coming tonight.” I said and we all walked backstage. About 15 minutes later Haruta and the others appeared. Haruta walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He gripped my chin and tilted my head up. His lips pressed against mine. “Hey (Y/n) some fans want to talk to-“ Tom said stopping in the middle of his sentence. Everyone turned to my after hearing Tom stop speaking. Haruta and I had broke the kiss and I turned to face the group. “What were you saying Tom?” I asked. I noticed they were all staring at Haruta and I, not a single word leaving their mouths. Richie walked up and said “So (Y/n), who is this?” I looked at Haruta with a soft smile “This is Haruta my boyfriend, also the one who’s birthday is tonight.” I said. At this point the other rockstars had gathered around us. “And Haruta this is my brother Richie.” I said. Haruta and Richie stared at each other for a minute before anyone spoke. “Well Haruta, it’s nice to meet you.” Richie said holding his hand out for Haruta to shake. “I could say the same.” Haruta said shaking Richie’s hand.

Everyone was staring and it was bothering me. “You guys can talk to him, he’s not going to bite.” I said. “Being that we know your name, we should introduce ourselves. I’m Tom Keifer, nice to meet you!” Tom said. The rest of the rockstars introduced themselves. Before we could do anything else more groupies and fans walked through the door. Once we all finished talking to everyone, it was time for the after show. About midway through the party Haruta and I left. The others noticed and there were a lot of suggestive comments made, along with Wolf whistles. Haruta and I got in my car and I drove back to where my band lived. When we arrived I said. “I don’t think you’ve ever seen where I live.” Haruta nodded. We both stepped out of the car. I lead him through hallway after hallway, showing him room after room until we reached mine. I pushed open the door and we stepped in. “I’ll be back in a minute:” I said. “Okay.” Haruta replied. I walked off and Haruta took that time to look around my room. His eyes landed on an acoustic guitar. He gently picked it up and sat down on my bed. Haruta took his time admiring every detail, he didn’t even notice that I walked in. I had a few bottles of whiskey in my arms and two glasses. I set everything down on the vanity before I crawled behind Haruta. I took his hands in mine. I carefully moved my hands so we were playing the guitar. The longer Haruta listened the more he realized it was his favorite favorite song. My head rested on his shoulder and I softly sang along, so did he. We spent our night drinking together and playing my guitar. It was truly an enjoyable night. The last thing I said to Haruta before I fell asleep was “Happy birthday, I loved you.” “I love you too.” Haruta smiled. Shortly after we both fell asleep.

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2020

I can’t tell you anything novel or insightful about this year that has been stolen from our lives. I watched zero of these films in a theater, and I watched most of them half-asleep in moments that I stole from my children. Don’t worry, there are some jokes below.

GARBAGE

93. Capone (Josh Trank)- What is the point of this dinner theater trash? It takes place in the last year of Capone's life, when he was released from prison due to failing health and suffered a stroke in his Florida home. So it covers...none of the things that make Al Capone interesting? It's not historically accurate, which I have no problem with, but if you steer away from accuracy, then do something daring and exciting. Don't give me endless scenes of "Phonse"--as if the movie is running from the very person it's about--drawing bags of money that promise intrigue, then deliver nothing in return.

That being said, best "titular character shits himself" scene since The Judge.

92. Ammonite (Francis Lee)- I would say that this is the Antz to Portrait of a Lady on Fire's A Bug's Life, but it's actually more like the Cars 3 to Portrait of a Lady on Fire's Toy Story 1.

91. Ava (Tate Taylor)- Despite the mystery and inscrutability that usually surround assassins, what if we made a hitman movie but cared a lot about her personal life? Except neither the assassin stuff nor the family stuff is interesting?

90. Wonder Woman 1984 (Patty Jenkins)- What a miscalculation of what audiences loved about the first and wanted from the sequel. WW84 is silly and weightless in all of the ways that the first was elegant and confident. If the return of Pine is just a sort of phantom representation of Diana's desires, then why can he fly a real plane? If he is taking over another man's soul, then, uh, what ends up happening to that guy? For that matter, why is it not 1984 enough for Ronald Reagan to be president, but it is 1984 enough for the president to have so many Ronald Reagan signifiers that it's confusing? Why not just make a decision?

On paper, the me-first values of the '80s lend themselves to the monkey's paw wish logic of this plot. You could actually do something with the Star Wars program or the oil crisis. But not if the setting is played for only laughs and the screenplay explains only what it feels like.

89. Babyteeth (Shannon Murphy)- In this type of movie, there has to be a period of the Ben Mendelsohn character looking around befuddled about the new arrangement and going, "What's this now--he's going to be...living with us? The guy who tried to steal our medication? This is crazy!" But that's usually ten minutes, and in this movie it's an hour. I was so worn out by the end.

88. You Should Have Left (David Koepp)- David Koepp wrote Jurassic Park, so he's never going to hell, but how dare he start caring about his own mystery at the hour mark. There's a forty-five minute version of this movie that could get an extra star from me, and there's a three-hour version of Amanda Seyfried walking around in athleisure that would get four stars from me. What we actually get? No thanks.

87. Black Is King (Beyonce, et al.)- End your association with The Lion King, Bey. It has resulted in zero bops.

  ADMIRABLE FAILURES

86. Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (Cathy Yan)- There's nothing too dysfunctional in the storytelling or performances, but Birds of Prey also doesn't do a single thing well. I would prefer something alive and wild, even if it were flawed, to whatever tame belt-level formula this is.

85. The Turning (Floria Sigismondi)- This update of The Turn of the Screw pumps the age of Miles up to high school, which creates some horny creepiness that I liked. But the age of the character also prevents the ending of the novel from happening in favor of a truly terrible shrug. I began to think that all of the patience that the film showed earlier was just hesitance for its own awful ending.

I watched The Turning as a Mackenzie Davis Movie Star heat check, and while I'm not sure she has the magnetism I was looking for, she does have a great teacher voice, chastening but maternal.

84. Bloodshot (David Wilson)- A whole lot of Vin Diesel saying he's going to get revenge and kill a bunch of dudes; not a whole lot of Vin Diesel actually getting revenge and killing a bunch of dudes.

83. Downhill (Nat Faxon and Jim Rash)- I was an English major in college, which means I ended up locking myself into literary theories that, halfway through the writing of an essay, I realized were flawed. But rather than throw out the work that I had already proposed, I would just keep going and see if I could will the idea to success.

So let's say you have a theory that you can take Force Majeure by Ruben Ostlund, one of the best films of its year, and remake it so that its statement about familial anxiety could apply to Americans of the same age and class too...if it hadn't already. And maybe in the first paragraph you mess up by casting Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, people we are conditioned to laugh at, when maybe this isn't that kind of comedy at all. Well, don't throw it away. You can quote more--fill up the pages that way--take an exact shot or scene from the original. Does that help? Maybe you can make the writing more vigorous and distinctive by adding a character. Is that going to make this baby stand out? Maybe you could make it more personal by adding a conclusion that is slightly more clever than the rest of the paper?

Or perhaps this is one you're just not going to get an A on.

82. Hillbilly Elegy (Ron Howard)- I watched this melodrama at my mother's encouragement, and, though I have been trying to pin down her taste for decades, I think her idea of a successful film just boils down to "a lot of stuff happens." So in that way, Ron Howard's loss is my gain, I guess.

There is no such thing as a "neutral Terminator."

81. Relic (Natalie Erika James)- The star of the film is Vanessa Cerne's set decoration, but the inert music and slow pace cancel out a house that seems neglected slowly over decades.

80. Buffaloed (Tanya Wexler)- Despite a breathless pace, Buffaloed can't quite congeal. In trying to split the difference between local color hijinks and Moneyballed treatise on debt collection, it doesn't commit enough to either one.

Especially since Zoey Deutch produced this one in addition to starring, I'm getting kind of worried about boo's taste. Lot of Two If by Seas; not enough While You Were Sleepings.

79. Like a Boss (Miguel Arteta)- I chuckled a few times at a game supporting cast that is doing heavy lifting. But Like a Boss is contrived from the premise itself--Yeah, what if people in their thirties fell out of friendship? Do y'all need a creative consultant?--to the escalation of most scenes--Why did they have to hide on the roof? Why do they have to jump into the pool?

The movie is lean, but that brevity hurts just as much as it helps. The screenplay knows which scenes are crucial to the development of the friendship, but all of those feel perfunctory, in a different gear from the setpieces.  

To pile on a bit: Studio comedies are so bare bones now that they look like Lifetime movies. Arteta brought Chuck & Buck to Sundance twenty years ago, and, shot on Mini-DV for $250,000, it was seen as a DIY call-to-bootstraps. I guarantee that has more setups and locations and shooting days than this.

78. Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (David Dobkin)- Add Dan Stevens to the list of supporting players who have bodied Will Ferrell in his own movie--one that he cared enough to write himself.  

Like Downhill, Ferrell's other 2020 release, this isn't exactly bad. It's just workmanlike and, aside from the joke about Demi Lovato's "uninformed" ghost, frustratingly conventional.

77. The Traitor (Marco Bellochio)- Played with weary commitment by Pierfrancesco Favino, Tomasso Buscetta is "credited" as the first informant of La Cosa Nostra. And that sounds like an interesting subject for a "based on a true story" crime epic, right? Especially when you find out that Buscetta became a rat out of principle: He believed that the mafia to which he had pledged his life had lost its code to the point that it was a different organization altogether.  

At no point does Buscetta waver or even seem to struggle with his decision though, so what we get is less conflicted than that description might suggest. None of these Italian mob movies glorify the lifestyle, so I wasn't expecting that. But if the crime doesn't seem enticing, and snitching on the crime seems like forlorn duty, and everything is pitched with such underhanded matter-of-factness that you can't even be sure when Buscetta has flipped, then what are we left with? It was interesting seeing how Italian courts work, I guess?

76. Kajillionaire (Miranda July)- This is another movie so intent on building atmosphere and lore that it takes too long to declare what it is. When the protagonist hits a breaking point and has to act, she has only a third of a film to grow. So whispery too.

Gina Rodriguez is the one to inject life into it. As soon as her motormouth winds up, the film slips into a different gear. The atmosphere and lore that I mentioned reeks of artifice, but her character is believably specific. Beneath a basic exterior is someone who is authentically caring but still morally compromised, beholden to the world that the other characters are suspicious of.

75. Scoob! (Tony Cervone)- The first half is sometimes clever, but it hammers home the importance of friendship while separating the friends.

The second half has some positive messaging, but your kids' movie might have a problem with scale if it involves Alexander the Great unlocking the gates of the Underworld.

My daughter loved it.

74. The Lovebirds (Michael Showalter)- If I start talking too much about this perfectly fine movie, I end up in that unfair stance of reviewing the movie I wanted, not what is actually there.* As a fan of hang-out comedies, I kind of resent that any comedy being made now has to be rolled into something more "exciting," whether it's a wrongfully accused or mistaken identity thriller or some other genre. Such is the post-Game Night world. There's a purposefully anti-climactic note that I wish The Lovebirds had ended on, but of course we have another stretch of hiding behind boats and shooting guns. Nanjiani and Rae are really charming leads though.

*- As a New Orleanian, I was totally distracted by the fake aspects of the setting too. "Oh, they walked to Jefferson from downtown? Really?" You probably won't be bothered by the locations.

73. Sonic the Hedgehog (Jeff Fowler)- In some ways the storytelling is ambitious. (I'm speaking for only myself, but I'm fine with "He's a hedgehog, and he's really fast" instead of the owl mother, teleportation backstory. Not everything has to be Tolkien.) But that ambition doesn't match the lack of ambition in the comedy, which depends upon really hackneyed setups and structures. Guiding Jim Carrey to full alrighty-then mode was the best choice anyone made.

72. Malcolm & Marie (Sam Levinson)- The stars move through these long scenes with agility and charisma, but the degree of difficulty is just too high for this movie to reach what it's going for.

Levinson is trying to capture an epic fight between a couple, and he can harness the theatrical intensity of such a thing, but he sacrifices almost all of the nuance. In real life, these knock-down-drag-outs can be circular and indirect and sad in a way that this couple's manipulation rarely is. If that emotional truth is all this movie is trying to achieve, I feel okay about being harsh in my judgment of how well it does that.

71. Beanpole (Kantemir Balagov)- Elusive in how it refuses to declare itself, forthright in how punishing it is. The whole thing might be worth it for a late dinner scene, but I'm getting a bit old to put myself through this kind of misery.

70. The Burnt Orange Heresy (Giuseppe Capotondi)- Silly in good ways until it's silly in bad ways. Elizabeth Debicki remains 6'3".

69. Everybody’s Everything (Sebastian Jones and Ramez Silyan)- As a person who listened to Lil Peep's music, I can confidently say that this documentary is overstating his greatness. His death was a significant loss, as the interview subjects will all acknowledge, but the documentary is more useful as a portrait of a certain unfocused, rapacious segment of a generation that is high and online at all times.

68. The Witches (Robert Zemeckis)- Robert Zemeckis, Kenya Barris, and Guillermo Del Toro are the credited screenwriters, and in a fascinating way, you can see the imprint of each figure on the final product. Adapting a very European story to the old wives' tales of the American South is an interesting choice. Like the Nicolas Roeg try at this material, Zemeckis is not afraid to veer into the terrifying, and Octavia Spencer's pseudo witch doctor character only sells the supernatural. From a storytelling standpoint though, it seems as if the obstacles are overcome too easily, as if there's a whole leg of the film that has been excised. The framing device and the careful myth-making of the flashback make promises that the hotel half of the film, including the abrupt ending, can't live up to.

If nothing else, Anne Hathaway is a real contender for Most On-One Performance of the year.

67. Irresistible (Jon Stewart)- Despite a sort of imaginative ending, Jon Stewart's screenplay feels more like the declarative screenplay that would get you hired for a good movie, not a good screenplay itself. It's provocative enough, but it's clumsy in some basic ways and never evades the easy joke.

For example, the Topher Grace character is introduced as a sort of assistant, then is re-introduced an hour later as a polling expert, then is shown coaching the candidate on presentation a few scenes later. At some point, Stewart combined characters into one role, but nothing got smoothed out.

ENDEARING CURIOSITIES WITH BIG FLAWS

66. Yes, God, Yes (Karen Maine)- Most people who are Catholic, including me, are conflicted about it. Most people who make movies about being Catholic hate it and have an axe to grind. This film is capable of such knowing wit and nuance when it comes to the lived-in details of attending a high school retreat, but it's more concerned with taking aim at hypocrisy in the broad way that we've seen a million times. By the end, the film is surprisingly all-or-nothing when Christian teenagers actually contain multitudes.

Part of the problem is that Karen Maine's screenplay doesn't know how naive to make the Alice character. Sometimes she's reasonably naive for a high school senior in 2001; sometimes she's comically naive so that the plot can work; and sometimes she's stupid, which isn't the same as naive.

65. Bad Boys for Life (Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah)- This might be the first buddy cop movie in which the vets make peace with the tech-comm youngs who use new techniques. If that's the only novelty on display here--and it is--then maybe that's enough. I laughed maybe once. Not that the mistaken identity subplot of Bad Boys 1 is genius or anything, but this entry felt like it needed just one more layer to keep it from feeling as basic as it does. Speaking of layers though, it's almost impossible to watch any Will Smith movie now without viewing it through the meta-narrative of "What is Will Smith actually saying about his own status at this point in his career?" He's serving it up to us.

I derived an inordinate amount of pleasure from seeing the old school Simpson/Bruckheimer logo.

64. The Gentlemen (Guy Ritchie)- Look, I'm not going to be too negative on a movie whose crime slang is so byzantine that it has to be explained with subtitles. That's just me. I'm a simple man. But I can tell you that I tuned out pretty hard after seven or eight double-crosses.

The bloom is off the rose a bit for Ritchie, but he can still nail a music cue. I've been waiting for someone to hit "That's Entertainment" the way he does on the end credits.

63. Bad Hair (Justin Simien)- In Bad Hair, an African-American woman is told by her boss at a music video channel in 1989 that straightening her hair is the way to get ahead; however, her weave ends up having a murderous mind of its own. Compared to that charged, witty logline, the execution of the plot itself feels like a laborious, foregone conclusion. I'm glad that Simien, a genuinely talented writer, is making movies again though. Drop the skin-care routine, Van Der Beek!

62. Greyhound (Aaron Schneider)- "If this is the type of role that Tom Hanks writes for himself, then he understands his status as America's dad--'wise as the serpent, harmless as the dove'--even better than I thought." "America's Dad! Aye aye, sir!" "At least half of the dialogue is there for texture and authenticity, not there to be understood by the audience." "Fifty percent, Captain!" "The environment looks as fake as possible, but I eventually came around to the idea that the movie is completely devoid of subtext." "No subtext to be found, sir!"

  61. Mank (David Fincher)- About ten years ago, the Creative Screenwriting podcast spent an hour or so with James Vanderbilt, the writer of Zodiac and nothing else that comes close, as he relayed the creative paces that David Fincher pushed him through. Hundreds of drafts and years of collaborative work eventuated in the blueprint for Fincher's most exacting, personal film, which he didn't get a writing credit on only because he didn't seek one.

Something tells me that Fincher didn't ask for rewrites from his dead father. No matter what visuals and performances the director can coax from the script--and, to be clear, these are the worst visuals and performances of his career--they are limited by the muddy lightweight pages. There are plenty of pleasures, like the slippery election night montage or the shakily platonic relationship between Mank and Marion. But Fincher hadn't made a film in six years, and he came back serving someone else's master.

60. Tesla (Michael Almereyda)- "You live inside your head." "Doesn't everybody?"

As usual, Almereyda's deconstructions are invigorating. (No other moment can match the first time Eve Hewson's Anne fact-checks something with her anachronistic laptop.) But they don't add up to anything satisfying because Tesla himself is such an opaque figure. Driven by the whims of his curiosity without a clear finish line, the character gives Hawke something enigmatic to play as he reaches deep into a baritone. But he's too inward to lend himself to drama. Tesla feels of a piece with Almereyda's The Experimenter, and that's the one I would recommend.

59. Vitalina Varela (Pedro Costa)- I can't oversell how delicately beautiful this film is visually. There's a scene in which Vitalina lugs a lantern into a church, but we get several seconds of total darkness before that one light source carves through it and takes over part of the frame. Each composition is as intricate as it is overpowering, achieving a balance between stark and mannered.

That being said, most of the film is people entering or exiting doors. I felt very little of the haunting loss that I think I was supposed to.

58. The Rhythm Section (Reed Morano)- Call it the Timothy Hutton in The General's Daughter Corollary: If a name-actor isn't in the movie much but gets third billing, then, despite whom he sends the protagonist to kill, he is the Actual Bad Guy.  

Even if the movie serves up a lot of cliche, the action and sound design are visceral. I would like to see more from Morano.

57. Red, White and Blue (Steve McQueen)- Well-made and heartfelt even if it goes step-for-step where you think it will.

Here's what I want to know though: In the academy training sequence, the police cadets have to subdue a "berserker"; that is, a wildman who swings at their riot gear with a sledgehammer. Then they get him under control, and he shakes their hands, like, "Good angle you took on me there, mate." Who is that guy and where is his movie? Is this full-time work? Is he a police officer or an independent contractor? What would happen if this exercise didn't go exactly as planned?

56. Wolfwalkers (Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart)- The visuals have an unfinished quality that reminded me of The Tale of Princess Kaguya--the center of a flame is undrawn white, and fog is just negative space. There's an underlying symmetry to the film, and its color palette changes with mood.

Narratively, it's pro forma and drawn-out. Was Riley in Inside Out the last animated protagonist to get two parents? My daughter stuck with it, but she needed a lot of context for the religious atmosphere of 17th century Ireland.

55. What She Said: The Art of Pauline Kael (Rob Garver)- The film does little more than one might expect; it's limited in the way that any visual medium is when trying to sum up a woman of letters. But as far as education for Kael's partnership with Warren Beatty or the idea of The New Yorker paying her for only six months out of the year, it was useful for me.  

Although Garver isn't afraid to point to the work that made Kael divisive, it would have been nice to have one or two interview subjects who questioned her greatness, rather than the crew of Paulettes who, even when they do say something like, "Sometimes I radically disagreed with her," do it without being able to point to any specifics.

54. Beastie Boys Story (Spike Jonze)- As far as this Spike Jonze completist is concerned, this is more of a Powerpoint presentation than a movie, Beastie Boys Story still warmed my heart, making me want to fire up Paul's Boutique again and take more pictures of my buddies.

53. Tenet (Christopher Nolan)- Cool and cold, tantalizing and frustrating, loud and indistinct, Tenet comes close to Nolan self-parody, right down to the brutalist architecture and multiple characters styled like him. The setpieces grabbed me, I'll admit.

Nolan's previous film, which is maybe his best, was "about" a lot and just happened to play with time; Tenet is only about playing with time.

PRETTY GOOD MOVIES

52. Shithouse (Cooper Raiff)- "Death is ass."

There's such a thing as too naturalistic. If I wanted to hear how college freshmen really talked, I would hang out with college freshmen. But you have to take the good verisimilitude with the bad, and good verisimilitude is the mother's Pod Save America t-shirt.

There are some poignant moments (and a gonzo performance from Logan Miller) in this auspicious debut from Cooper Raiff, the writer/director/editor/star. But the second party sequence kills some of the momentum, and at a crucial point, the characters spell out some motivation that should have stayed implied.

51. Totally Under Control (Alex Gibney, Ophelia Harutyunyan, Suzanne Hillinger)- As dense and informative as any other Gibney documentary with the added flex of making it during the pandemic it is investigating.

But yeah, why am I watching this right now? I don't need more reasons to be angry with Trump, whom this film calmly eviscerates. The directors analyze Trump's narcissism first through his contradictions of medical expertise in order to protect the economy that could win him re-election. Then it takes aim at his hiring based on loyalty instead of experience. But you already knew that, which is the problem with the film, at least for now.

50. Happiest Season (Clea Duvall)- I was in the perfect mood to watch something this frothy and bouncy. Every secondary character receives a moment in the sun, and Daniel Levy gets a speech that kind of saves the film at a tipping point.

I must say though: I wanted to punch Harper in her stupid face. She is a terrible romantic partner, abandoning or betraying Abby throughout the film and dissembling her entire identity to everyone else in a way that seems absurd for a grown woman in 2020. Run away, Kristen. Perhaps with Aubrey Plaza, whom you have more chemistry with. But there I go shipping and aligning myself with characters, which only proves that this is an effective romantic comedy.

49. The Way Back (Gavin O’Connor)- Patient but misshapen, The Way Back does just enough to overcome the cliches that are sort of unavoidable considering the genre. (I can't get enough of the parent character who, for no good reason, doesn't take his son's success seriously. "Scholarship? What he's gotta do is put his nose in them books! That's why I don't go to his games. [continues moving boxes while not looking at the other character] Now if you'll excuse me while I wait four scenes before showing up at a game to prove that I'm proud of him after all...")

What the movie gets really right or really wrong in the details about coaching and addiction is a total crap-shoot. But maybe I've said too much already.

48. The Whistlers (Corneliu Porumboiu)- Porumboiu is a real artist who seems to be interpreting how much surveillance we're willing to acknowledge and accept, but I won't pretend to have understood much of the plot, the chapters or which are told out of order. Sometimes the structure works--the beguiling, contextless "high-class hooker" sequence--but I often wondered if the film was impenetrable in the way that Porumboiu wanted it to be or impenetrable in the way he didn't.

To tell you the truth, the experience kind of depressed me because I know that, in my younger days, this film is the type of thing that I would re-watch, possibly with the chronology righted, knowing that it is worth understanding fully. But I have two small children, and I'm exhausted all the time, and I kind of thought I should get some credit for still trying to catch up with Romanian crime movies in the first place.

47. Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (Jason Woliner)- I laughed too much to get overly critical, but the film is so episodic and contrived that it's kind of exhausting by the end--even though it's achieving most of its goals. Maybe Borat hasn't changed, but the way our citizens own their ugliness has.

46. First Cow (Kelly Reichardt)- Despite how little happens in the first forty minutes, First Cow is a thoughtful capitalism parable. Even though it takes about forty minutes to get going, the friendship between Cookie and King-Lu is natural and incisive. Like Reichardt's other work, the film's modest premise unfolds quite gracefully, except for in the first forty minutes, which are uneventful.

45. Les Miserables (Ladj Ly)- I loved parts of the film--the disorienting, claustrophobic opening or the quick look at the police officers' home lives, for example. But I'm not sure that it does anything very well. The needle the film tries to thread between realism and theater didn't gel for me. The ending, which is ambiguous in all of the wrong ways, chooses the theatrical. (If I'm being honest, my expectations were built up by Les Miserables' Jury Prize at Cannes, and it's a bit superficial to be in that company.)

If nothing else, it's always helpful to see how another country's worst case scenario in law enforcement would look pretty good over here.

44. Bad Education (Cory Finley)- The film feels too locked-down and small at the beginning, so intent on developing the protagonist neutrally that even the audience isn't aware of his secrets. So when he faces consequences for those secrets, there's a disconnect. Part of tragedy is seeing the doom coming, right?

When it opens up, however, it's empathetic and subtle, full of a dry irony that Finley is already specializing in after only one other feature. Geraldine Viswanathan and Allison Janney get across a lot of interiority that is not on the page.

43. The Trip to Greece (Michael Winterbottom)- By the fourth installment, you know whether you're on board with the franchise. If you're asking "Is this all there is?" to Coogan and Brydon's bickering and impressions as they're served exotic food in picturesque settings, then this one won't sway you. If you're asking "Is this all there is?" about life, like they are, then I don't need to convince you.  

I will say that The Trip to Spain seemed like an enervated inflection point, at which the squad could have packed it in. The Trip to Greece proves that they probably need to keep doing this until one of them dies, which has been the subtext all along.

42. Feels Good Man (Arthur Jones)- This documentary centers on innocent artist Matt Furie's helplessness as his Pepe the Frog character gets hijacked by the alt-right. It gets the hard things right. It's able to, quite comprehensively, trace a connection from 4Chan's use of Pepe the Frog to Donald Trump's near-assuming of Pepe's ironic deniability. Director Arthur Jones seems to understand the machinations of the alt-right, and he articulates them chillingly.

The easy thing, making us connect to Furie, is less successful. The film spends way too much time setting up his story, and it makes him look naive as it pits him against Alex Jones in the final third. Still, the film is a quick ninety-two minutes, and the highs are pretty high.

41. The Old Guard (Gina Prince-Bythewood)- Some of the world-building and backstory are handled quite elegantly. The relationships actually do feel centuries old through specific details, and the immortal conceit comes together for an innovative final action sequence.

Visually and musically though, the film feels flat in a way that Prince-Bythewood's other films do not. I blame Netflix specs. KiKi Layne, who tanked If Beale Street Could Talk for me, nearly ruins this too with the child-actory way that she stresses one word per line. Especially in relief with one of our more effortless actresses, Layne is distracting.

40. The Trial of the Chicago 7 (Aaron Sorkin)- Whenever Sacha Baron Cohen's Abbie Hoffman opens his mouth, the other defendants brace themselves for his dismissive vulgarity. Even when it's going to hurt him, he can't help but shoot off at the mouth. Of course, he reveals his passionate and intelligent depths as the trial goes on. The character is the one that Sorkin's screenplay seems the most endeared to: In the same way that Hoffman can't help but be Hoffman, Sorkin can't help but be Sorkin. Maybe we don't need a speech there; maybe we don't have to stretch past two hours; maybe a bon mot diffuses the tension. But we know exactly what to expect by now. The film is relevant, astute, witty, benevolent, and, of course, in love with itself. There are a handful of scenes here that are perfect, so I feel bad for qualifying so much.

A smaller point: Daniel Pemberton has done great work in the past (Motherless Brooklyn, King Arthur, The Man from U.N.C.L.E.), but the first sequence is especially marred by his sterile soft-rock approach.

  GOOD MOVIES

39. Time (Garrett Bradley)- The key to Time is that it provides very little context. Why the patriarch of this family is serving sixty years in prison is sort of besides the point philosophically. His wife and sons have to move on without him, and the tragedy baked into that fact eclipses any notion of what he "deserved." Feeling the weight of time as we switch back and forth between a kid talking about his first day of kindergarten and that same kid graduating from dentistry school is all the context we need. Time's presentation can be quite sumptuous: The drone shot of Angola makes its buildings look like crosses. Or is it X's?

At the same time, I need some context. When director Garrett Bradley withholds the reason Robert's in prison, and when she really withholds that Fox took a plea and served twelve years, you start to see the strings a bit. You could argue that knowing so little about why, all of a sudden, Robert can be on parole puts you into the same confused shoes as the family, but it feels manipulative to me. The film is preaching to the choir as far as criminal justice goes, which is fine, but I want it to have the confidence to tell its story above board.

38. Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets (Turner Ross and Bill Ross IV)- I have a barfly friend whom I see maybe once a year. When we first set up a time to meet, I kind of dread it and wonder what we'll have to talk about. Once we do get together, we trip on each other's words a bit, fumbling around with the rhythm of conversation that we mastered decades ago. He makes some kind of joke that could have been appropriate then but isn't now.

By the end of the day, hours later, we're hugging and maybe crying as we promise each other that we won't wait as long next time.

That's the exact same journey that I went on with this film.

37. Underwater (William Eubank)- Underwater is a story that you've seen before, but it's told with great confidence and economy. I looked up at twelve minutes and couldn't believe the whole table had been set. Kristen plays Ripley and projects a smart, benevolent poise.

36. The Lodge (Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala)- I prefer the grounded, manicured first half to the more fantastic second half. The craziness of the latter is only possible through the hard work of the former though. As with Fiala and Franz's previous feature, the visual rhymes and motifs get incorporated into the soup so carefully that you don't realize it until they overwhelm you in their bleak glory.

Small note: Alicia Silverstone, the male lead's first wife, and Riley Keough, his new partner, look sort of similar. I always think that's a nice note: "I could see how he would go for her."

35. Miss Americana (Lana Wilson)- I liked it when I saw it as a portrait of a person whose life is largely decided for her but is trying to carve out personal spaces within that hamster wheel. I loved it when I realized that describes most successful people in their twenties.

34. Sound of Metal (Darius Marder)- Riz Ahmed is showing up on all of the best performances of the year lists, but Sound of Metal isn't in anyone's top ten films of the year. That's about right. Ahmed's is a quiet, stubborn performance that I wish was in service of more than the straight line that we've seen before.

In two big scenes, there's this trick that Ahmed does, a piecing together of consequences with his eyes, as if he's moving through a flow chart in real time. In both cases, the character seems locked out and a little slower than he should be, which is, of course, why he's facing the consequences in the first place. To be charitable to a film that was a bit of a grind, it did make me notice a thing a guy did with his eyes.

33. Pieces of a Woman (Kornel Mundruczo)- Usually when I leave acting showcases like this, I imagine the film without the Oscar-baiting speeches, but this is a movie that specializes in speeches. Pieces of a Woman is being judged, deservedly so, by the harrowing twenty-minute take that opens the film, which is as indulgent as it is necessary. But if the unbroken take provides the "what," then the speeches provide the "why."

This is a film about reclaiming one's body when it rebels against you and when other people seek ownership of it. Without the Ellen Burstyn "lift your head" speech or the Vanessa Kirby show-stopper in the courtroom, I'm not sure any of that comes across.

I do think the film lets us off the hook a bit with the LaBoeuf character, in the sense that it gives us reasons to dislike him when it would be more compelling if he had done nothing wrong. Does his half-remembering of the White Stripes count as a speech?

32. Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (George C. Wolfe)- This is such a play, not only in the locked-down location but also through nearly every storytelling convention: "Where are the two most interesting characters? Oh, running late? They'll enter separately in animated fashion?" But, to use the type of phrase that the characters might, "Don't hate the player; hate the game."

Perhaps the most theatrical note in this treatise on the commodification of expression is the way that, two or three times, the proceedings stop in their tracks for the piece to declare loudly what it's about. In one of those clear-outs, Boseman, who looks distractingly sick, delivers an unforgettable monologue that transports the audience into his character's fragile, haunted mind. He and Viola Davis are so good that the film sort of buckles under their weight, unsure of how to transition out of those spotlight moments and pretend that the story can start back up. Whatever they're doing is more interesting than what's being achieved overall.

31. Another Round (Thomas Vinterberg)- It's definitely the film that Vinterberg wanted to make, but despite what I think is a quietly shattering performance from Mikkelsen, Another Round moves in a bit too much of a straight line to grab me fully. The joyous final minutes hint at where it could have gone, as do pockets of Vinterberg's filmography, which seems newly tethered to realism in a way that I don't like. The best sequences are the wildest ones, like the uproarious trip to the grocery store for fresh cod, so I don't know why so much of it takes place in tiny hallways at magic hour. I give the inevitable American remake* permission to use these notes.

*- Just spitballing here. Martin: Will Ferrell, Nikolaj (Nick): Ben Stiller, Tommy: Owen Wilson, Peter: Craig Robinson

30. The Invisible Man (Leigh Whannell)- Exactly what I wanted. Exactly what I needed.

I think a less conclusive finale would have been better, but what a model of high-concept escalation. This is the movie people convinced me Whannell's Upgrade was.

29. On the Rocks (Sofia Coppola)- Slight until the Mexican sojourn, which expands the scope and makes the film even more psychosexual than before. At times it feels as if Coppola is actively simplifying, rather than diving into the race and privilege questions that the Murray character all but demands.

As for Murray, is the film 50% worse without him? 70%? I don't know if you can run in supporting categories if you're the whole reason the film exists.

28. Mangrove (Steve McQueen)- The first part of the film seemed repetitive and broad to me. But once it settled in as a courtroom drama, the characterization became more shaded, and the filmmaking itself seemed more fluid. I ended up being quite outraged and inspired.

27. Shirley (Josephine Decker)- Josephine Decker emerges as a real stylist here, changing her foggy, impressionistic approach not one bit with a little more budget. Period piece and established actors be damned--this is still as much of a reeling fever dream as Madeline's Madeline. Both pieces are a bit too repetitive and nasty for my taste, but I respect the technique.

Here's my mandatory "Elisabeth Moss is the best" paragraph. While watching her performance as Shirley Jackson, I thought about her most famous role as Peggy on Mad Men, whose inertia and need to prove herself tied her into confidence knots. Shirley is almost the opposite: paralyzed by her worldview, certain of her talent, rejecting any empathy. If Moss can inhabit both characters so convincingly, she can do anything.

26. An American Pickle (Brandon Trost)- An American Pickle is the rare comedy that could actually use five or ten extra minutes, but it's a surprisingly heartfelt and wholesome stretch for Rogen, who is earnest in the lead roles.

25. The King of Staten Island (Judd Apatow)- At two hours and fifteen minutes, The King of Staten Island is probably the first Judd Apatow film that feels like the exact right length. For example, the baggy date scene between a gracious Bill Burr and a faux-dowdy Marisa Tomei is essential, the sort of widening of perspective that something like Trainwreck was missing.

It's Pete Davidson's movie, however, and though he has never been my cup of tea, I think he's actually quite powerful in his quiet moments. The movie probes some rare territory--a mentally ill man's suspicion that he is unlovable, a family's strategic myth-making out of respect for the dead. And when Davidson shows up at the firehouse an hour and fifteen minutes in, it feels as if we've built to a last resort.

24. Swallow (Carlo Mirabella-Davis)- The tricky part of this film is communicating Hunter's despair, letting her isolation mount, but still keeping her opaque. It takes a lot of visual discipline to do that, and Claudio Mirabella-Davis is up to the task. This ends up being a much more sympathetic, expressive movie than the plot description might suggest.

(In the tie dispute, Hunter and Richie are both wrong. That type of silk--I couldn't tell how pebbled it was, but it's probably a barathea weave-- shouldn't be ironed directly, but it doesn't have to be steamed. On a low setting, you could iron the back of the tie and be fine.)

23. The Vast of Night (Andrew Patterson)- I wanted a bit more "there" there; The film goes exactly where I thought it would, and there isn't enough humor for my taste. (The predictability might be a feature, not a bug, since the film is positioned as an episode of a well-worn Twilight Zone-esque show.)

But from a directorial standpoint, this is quite a promising debut. Patterson knows when to lock down or use silence--he even cuts to black to force us to listen more closely to a monologue. But he also knows when to fill the silence. There's a minute or so when Everett is spooling tape, and he and Fay make small talk about their hopes for the future, developing the characters' personalities in what could have been just mechanics. It's also a refreshingly earnest film. No one is winking at the '50s setting.

I'm tempted to write, "If Andrew Patterson can make this with $1 million, just imagine what he can do with $30 million." But maybe people like Shane Carruth have taught us that Patterson is better off pinching pennies in Texas and following his own muse.

22. Martin Eden (Pietro Marcello)- At first this film, adapted from a picaresque novel by Jack London, seemed as if it was hitting the marks of the genre. "He's going from job to job and meeting dudes who are shaping his worldview now." But the film, shot in lustrous Super 16, won me over as it owned the trappings of this type of story, forming a character who is a product of his environment even as he transcends it. By the end, I really felt the weight of time.

You want to talk about something that works better in novels than films though? When a passionate, independent protagonist insists that a woman is the love of his life, despite the fact that she's whatever Italians call a wet blanket. She's rich, but Martin doesn't care about her money. He hates her family and friends, and she refuses to accept him or his life pursuits. She's pretty but not even as pretty as the waitress they discuss. Tell me what I'm missing here. There's archetype, and there's incoherence.

21. Bacurau (Kleber Mendonca Filho and Juliano Dornelles)- Certain images from this adventurous film will stick with me, but I got worn out after the hard reset halfway through. As entranced as I was by the mystery of the first half, I think this blood-soaked ensemble is better at asking questions than it is at answering them.

20. Let Them All Talk (Steven Soderbergh)- The initial appeal of this movie might be "Look at these wonderful actresses in their seventies getting a movie all to themselves." And the film is an interesting portrait of ladies taking stock of relationships that have spanned decades. But Soderbergh and Eisenberg handle the twentysomething Lucas Hedges character with the same openness and empathy. His early reasoning for going on the trip is that he wants to learn from older women, and Hedges nails the puppy-dog quality of a young man who would believe that. Especially in the scenes of aspirational romance, he's sweet and earnest as he brushes his hair out of his face.

Streep plays Alice Hughes, a serious author of literary fiction, and she crosses paths with Kelvin Kranz, a grinder of airport thrillers. In all of the right ways, Let Them All Talk toes the line between those two stances as an entertaining, jaunty experiment that also shoulders subtextual weight. If nothing else, it's easy to see why a cruise ship's counterfeit opulence, its straight lines at a lean, would be visually engaging to Soderbergh. You can't have a return to form if your form is constantly evolving.

19. Dick Johnson Is Dead (Kirsten Johnson)- Understandably, I don't find the subject as interesting as his own daughter does, and large swaths of this film are unsure of what they're trying to say. But that's sort of the point, and the active wrestling that the film engages in with death ultimately pays off in a transcendent moment. The jaw-dropping ending is something that only non-fiction film can achieve, and Johnson's whole career is about the search for that sort of serendipity.

18. Da 5 Bloods (Spike Lee)- Delroy Lindo is a live-wire, but his character is the only one of the principals who is examined with the psychological depth I was hoping for. The first half, with all of its present-tense flourishes, promises more than the gunfights of the second half can deliver. When the film is cooking though, it's chock full of surprises, provocations, and pride.

17. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (Eliza Hittmann)- Very quickly, Eliza Hittmann has established herself as an astute, empathetic director with an eye for discovering new talent. I hope that she gets to make fifty more movies in which she objectively follows laconic young people. But I wanted to like this one more than I did. The approach is so neutral that it's almost flat to me, lacking the arc and catharsis of her previous film, Beach Rats. I still appreciate her restraint though.

GREAT MOVIES

16. Young Ahmed (Jean-Pierre Dardenne and Luc Dardenne)- I don't think the Dardennes have made a bad movie yet, and I'm glad they turned away from the slight genre dipping of The Unknown Girl, the closest to bad that they got. Young Ahmed is a lean, daring return to form.

Instead of following an average person, as they normally do, the Dardenne Brothers follow an extremist, and the objectivity that usually generates pathos now serves to present ambiguity. Ahmed says that he is changing, that he regrets his actions, but we never know how much of his stance is a put-on. I found myself wanting him to reform, more involved than I usually am in these slices of life. Part of it is that Idir Ben Addi looks like such a normal, young kid, and the Ahmed character has most of the qualities that we say we want in young people: principles, commitment, self-worth, reflection. So it's that much more destructive when those qualities are used against him and against his fellow man.

15. World of Tomorrow Episode Three: The Absent Destinations of David Prime (Don Hertzfeldt)- My dad, a man whom I love but will never understand, has dismissed modern music before by claiming that there are only so many combinations of chords. To him, it's almost impossible to do something new. Of course, this is the type of thing that an uncreative person would say--a person not only incapable of hearing the chords that combine notes but also unwilling to hear the space between the notes. (And obviously, that's the take of a person who doesn't understand that, originality be damned, some people just have to create.)

  Anyway, that attitude creeps into my own thinking more than I would like, but then I watch something as wholly original as World of Tomorrow Episode Three. The series has always been a way to pile sci-fi ideas on top of each other to prove the essential truths of being and loving. And this one, even though it achieves less of a sense of yearning than its predecessor, offers even more devices to chew on. Take, for example, the idea that Emily sends her message from the future, so David's primitive technology can barely handle it. In order to move forward with its sophistication, he has to delete any extraneous skills for the sake of computer memory. So out of trust for this person who loves him, he has to weigh whether his own breathing or walking can be uninstalled as a sacrifice for her. I thought that we might have been done describing love, but there it is, a new metaphor. Mixing futurism with stick figures to get at the most pure drive possible gave us something new. It's called art, Dad.

14. On the Record (Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering)- We don't call subjects of documentaries "stars" for obvious reasons, but Drew Dixon kind of is one. Her honesty and wisdom tell a complete story of the #MeToo movement. Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering take their time developing her background at first, not because we need to "gain sympathy" or "establish credibility" for a victim of sexual abuse, but because showing her talent and enthusiasm for hip-hop A&R makes it that much more tragic when her passion is extinguished. Hell, I just like the woman, so spending a half-hour on her rise was pleasurable in and of itself.

  This is a gut-wrenching, fearless entry in what is becoming Dick and Ziering's raison d'etre, but its greatest quality is Dixon's composed reflection. She helped to establish a pattern of Russell Simmons's behavior, but she explains what happened to her in ways I had never heard before.

13. David Byrne’s American Utopia (Spike Lee)- I'm often impressed by the achievements that puzzle me: How did they pull that off? But I know exactly how David Byrne pulled off the impish but direct precision of American Utopia: a lot of hard work.

I can't blame Spike Lee for stealing a page from Demme's Stop Making Sense: He denies us a close-up of any audience members until two-thirds of the way through, when we get someone in absolute rapture.

12. One Night in Miami... (Regina King)- We've all cringed when a person of color is put into the position of speaking on behalf of his or her entire race. But the characters in One Night in Miami... live in that condition all the time and are constantly negotiating it. As Black public figures in 1964, they know that the consequences of their actions are different, bigger, than everyone else's. The charged conversations between Malcolm X and Sam Cooke are not about whether they can live normal lives. They're way past that. The stakes are closer to Sam Cooke arguing that his life's purpose aligns with the protection and elevation of African-Americans while Malcolm X argues that those pursuits should be the same thing. Late in the movie, Cassius Clay leaves the other men, a private conversation, to talk to reporters, a public conversation. But the film argues that everything these men do is always already public. They're the most powerful African-Americans in the country, but their lives are not their own. Or not only their own.

It's true that the first act has the clunkiness and artifice of a TV movie, but once the film settles into the motel room location and lets the characters feed off one another, it's gripping. It's kind of unfair for a movie to get this many scenes of Leslie Odom Jr. singing, but I'll take it.

11. Saint Frances (Alex Thompson)- Rilke wrote, "Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us." The characters' behavior in Saint Frances--all of these fully formed characters' behavior--made me think of that quotation. When they lash out at one another, even at their nastiest, the viewer has a window into how they're expressing pain they can't verbalize. The film is uneven in its subtlety, but it's a real showcase for screenwriter and star Kelly O'Sullivan, who is unflinching and dynamic in one of the best performances of the year. Somebody give her some of the attention we gave to Zach Braff for God's sake.

10. Boys State (Jesse Moss and Amanda McBaine)- This documentary is kind of a miracle from a logistical standpoint. From casting interviews beforehand, lots of editing afterwards, or sly note-taking once the conference began, McBaine and Moss happened to select the four principals who mattered the most at the convention, then found them in rooms full of dudes wearing the same tucked-in t-shirt. By the way, all of the action took place over the course of one week, and by definition, the important events are carved in half.

To call Boys State a microcosm of American politics is incorrect. These guys are forming platforms and voting in elections. What they're doing is American politics, so when they make the same compromises and mistakes that active politicians do, it produces dread and disappointment. So many of the boys are mimicking the political theater that they see on TV, and that sweaty sort of performance is going to make a Billy Mitchell out of this kid Ben Feinstein, and we'll be forced to reckon with how much we allow him to evolve as a person. This film is so precise, but what it proves is undeniably messy. Luckily, some of these seventeen-year-olds usher in hope for us all.

If nothing else, the film reveals the level to which we're all speaking in code.

9. The Nest (Sean Durkin)- In the first ten minutes or so of The Nest, the only real happy minutes, father and son are playing soccer in their quaint backyard, and the father cheats to score on a children's net before sliding on the grass to rub in his victory. An hour later, the son kicks the ball around by himself near a regulation goal on the family's massive property. The contrast is stark and obvious, as is the symbolism of the dead horse, but that doesn't mean it's not visually powerful or resonant.

Like Sean Durkin's earlier film, Martha Marcy May Marlene, the whole of The Nest is told with detail of novelistic scope and an elevation of the moment. A snippet of radio that mentions Ronald Reagan sets the time period, rather than a dateline. One kid saying "Thanks, Dad" and another kid saying, "Thanks, Rory" establishes a stepchild more elegantly than any other exposition might.

But this is also a movie that does not hide what it means. Characters usually say exactly what is on their minds, and motivations are always clear. For example, Allison smokes like a chimney, so her daughter's way of acting out is leaving butts on the window sill for her mother to find. (And mother and daughter both definitely "act out" their feelings.) On the other hand, Ben, Rory's biological son, is the character least like him, so these relationships aren't too directly parallel. Regardless, Durkin uses these trajectories to cast a pall of familial doom.

8. Sorry We Missed You (Sean Durkin)- Another precisely calibrated empathy machine from Ken Loach. The overwhelmed matriarch, Abby, is a caretaker, and she has to break up a Saturday dinner to rescue one of her clients, who wet herself because no one came to help her to the bathroom. The lady is embarrassed, and Abby calms her down by saying, "You mean more to me than you know." We know enough about Abby's circumstances to realize that it's sort of a lie, but it's a beautiful lie, told by a person who cares deeply but is not cared for.

Loach's central point is that the health of a family, something we think of as immutable and timeless, is directly dependent upon the modern industry that we use to destroy ourselves. He doesn't have to be "proven" relevant, and he didn't plan for Covid-19 to point to the fragility of the gig economy, but when you're right, you're right.

7. Lovers Rock (Steve McQueen)- swear to you I thought: "This is an impeccable depiction of a great house party. The only thing it's missing is the volatile dude who scares away all the girls." And then the volatile dude who scares away all the girls shows up.

In a year short on magic, there are two or three transcendent moments, but none of them can equal the whole crowd singing along to "Silly Games" way after the song has ended. Nothing else crystallizes the film's note of celebration: of music, of community, of safe spaces, of Black skin. I remember moments like that at house parties, and like all celebrations, they eventually make me sad.

6. Crip Camp: A Disability Revolution (Nicole Newnham and James Lebrecht)- I held off on this movie because I thought that I knew what it was. The setup was what I expected: A summer camp for the disabled in the late '60s takes on the spirit of the time and becomes a haven for people who have not felt agency, self-worth, or community anywhere else. But that's the right-place-right-time start of a story that takes these figures into the '80s as they fight for their rights.

If you're anything like my dumb ass, you know about 504 accommodations from the line on a college syllabus that promises equal treatment. If 2020 has taught us anything though, it's that rights are seized, not given, and this is the inspiring story of people who unified to demand what they deserved. Judy Heumann is a civil rights giant, but I'm ashamed to say I didn't know who she was before this film. If it were just a history lesson that wasn't taught in school, Crip Camp would still be valuable, but it's way more than that.

5. Palm Springs (Max Barbakow)- When explaining what is happening to them, Andy Samberg's Nyles twirls his hand at Cristin Milioti's Sara and says, "It's one of those infinite time-loop scenarios." Yeah, one of those. Armed with only a handful of fictional examples, she and the audience know exactly what he means, and the continually inventive screenplay by Andy Siara doesn't have to do any more explaining. In record time, the film accelerates into its premise, involves her, and sets up the conflict while avoiding the claustrophobia of even Groundhog Day. That economy is the strength that allows it to be as funny as it is. By being thrifty with the setup, the savings can go to, say, the couple crashing a plane into a fiery heap with no consequences.

In some accidental ways, this is, of course, a quarantine romance as well. Nyles and Sara frustratingly navigate the tedious wedding as if they are play-acting--which they sort of are--then they push through that sameness to grow for each other, realizing that dependency is not weakness. The best relationships are doing the same thing right now.

  Although pointedly superficial--part of the point of why the couple is such a match--and secular--I think the notion of an afterlife would come up at least once--Palm Springs earns the sincerity that it gets around to. And for a movie ironic enough to have a character beg to be impaled so that he doesn't have to sit in traffic, that's no small feat.

  4. The Assistant (Kitty Green)- A wonder of Bressonian objectivity and rich observation, The Assistant is the rare film that deals exclusively with emotional depth while not once explaining any emotions. One at a time, the scrape of the Kleenex box might not be so grating, the long hallway trek to the delivery guy might not be so tiring, but this movie gets at the details of how a job can destroy you in ways that add up until you can't even explain them.

3. Promising Young Woman (Emerald Fennell)- In her most incendiary and modern role, Carey Mulligan plays Cassie, which is short for Cassandra, that figure doomed to tell truths that no one else believes. The web-belted boogeyman who ruined her life is Al, short for Alexander, another Greek who is known for his conquests. The revenge story being told here--funny in its darkest moments, dark in its funniest moments--is tight on its surface levels, but it feels as if it's telling a story more archetypal and expansive than that too.

  An exciting feature debut for its writer-director Emerald Fennell, the film goes wherever it dares. Its hero has a clear purpose, and it's not surprising that the script is willing to extinguish her anger halfway through. What is surprising is the way it renews and muddies her purpose as she comes into contact with half-a-dozen brilliant one- or two-scene performances. (Do you think Alfred Molina can pull off a lawyer who hates himself so much that he can't sleep? You would be right.)

Promising Young Woman delivers as an interrogation of double standards and rape culture, but in quiet ways it's also about our outsized trust in professionals and the notion that some trauma cannot be overcome.

INSTANT CLASSICS

2. Soul (Pete Docter)- When Pete Docter's Up came out, it represented a sort of coronation for Pixar: This was the one that adults could like unabashedly. The one with wordless sequences and dead children and Ed Asner in the lead. But watching it again this week with my daughter, I was surprised by how high-concept and cloying it could be. We choose not to remember the middle part with the goofy dog stuff.

Soul is what Up was supposed to be: honest, mature, stirring. And I don't mean to imply that a family film shouldn't make any concessions to children. But Soul, down to the title, never compromises its own ambition. Besides Coco, it's probably the most credible character study that Pixar has ever made, with all of Joe's growth earned the hard way. Besides Inside Out, it's probably the wittiest comedy that Pixar has ever made, bursting with unforced energy.

There's a twitter fascination going around about Dez, the pigeon-figured barber character whose scene has people gushing, "Crush my windpipe, king" or whatever. Maybe that's what twitter does now, but no one fantasized about any characters in Up. And I count that as progress.

1. I’m Thinking of Ending Things (Charlie Kaufman)- After hearing that our name-shifting protagonist moonlights as an artist, a no-nonsense David Thewlis offers, "I hope you're not an abstract artist." He prefers "paintings that look like photographs" over non-representational mumbo-jumbo. And as Jessie Buckley squirms to try to think of a polite way to talk back, you can tell that Charlie Kaufman has been in the crosshairs of this same conversation. This morose, scary, inscrutable, expressionist rumination is not what the Netflix description says it is at all, and it's going to bother nice people looking for a fun night in. Thank God.

The story goes that Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, when constructing Raiders of the Lost Ark, sought to craft a movie that was "only the good parts" with little of the clunky setup that distracted from action. What we have here is a Charlie Kaufman movie with only the Charlie Kaufman moments, less interested than ever before at holding one's hand. The biting humor is here, sometimes aimed at philistines like the David Thewlis character above, sometimes at the niceties that we insist upon. The lonely horror of everyday life is here, in the form of missed calls from oneself or the interruption of an inner monologue. Of course, communicating the overwhelming crush of time, both unknowable and familiar, is the raison d'etre.

A new pet motif seems to be the way that we don't even own our own knowledge. The Young Woman recites "Bonedog" by Eva H.D., which she claims/thinks she wrote, only to find Jake's book open to that page, next to a Pauline Kael book that contains a Woman Under the Influence review that she seems to have internalized later. When Jake muses about Wordsworth's "Lucy Poems," it starts as a way to pass the time, then it becomes a way to lord his education over her, then it becomes a compliment because the subject resembles her, then it becomes a way to let her know that, in the grand scheme of things, she isn't that special at all. This film jerks the viewer through a similar wintry cycle and leaves him with his own thoughts. It's not a pretty picture, but it doesn't look like anything else.

[zero2heroyesindeed]

Why I still love Star vs the Forces of Evil

Ever since Cleaved aired almost a year ago I have seen and heard nothing but people turning on the show. What was once held as one of the greatest cartoons of the modern era suddenly become the worst thing to ever exist all because the finale fell flat for most people. Now, I have rather controversial feelings on the finale (I personally think it’s a fantastic episode on its own with many great moments but it’s a terrible finale). But i’m not here to talk about the finale, i’m here to talk positively about this (overall) phenomenal show by reminding everyone why we fell in love with it to begin with a little trip down memory lane. So let’s get started.

Star is one of the most well written and developed protagonists of modern cartoons.

When we were first introduced to Star she was nothing but an irresponsible princess who fought monsters because from an early age she was taught all monsters are innately evil. This continues for most of season 1 and the audience is right there with Star. All we see are the monsters trying to steal her wand so of course we assume they are just evil because that’s what media has taught us. Then this happened.

This episode was the turning point not just for Star’s character but for the show as a whole as it began telling progressively more complex and challenging stories about prejudice passed down from generations and being born with privilege others don’t get. This episode turned everything the show was from that point on its head and threw everything Star thought she knew into question.

And from this point Star would only continue to grow from a reckless child who avoids responsibility to a powerful ruler and diplomat who fights for equality and always tries to find the best in others.

The series never talked down to its audience and it’s emotional moments could hit just as hard as Steven Universe

Like do some of y’all who began hating this show even remember some of these?

Honestly I started crying just going back to all these clips to grab these. No Disney show had tackled such complex emotions before Star came along. Yes the shipping wars got in the way and were distracting but that doesn’t take away from the fact this show was so special and even revolutionary. Who didn’t get chills when he saw Meteora’s master file? Or when Eclipsa made the ultimate sacrifice to save the people who hated her? Or when Star confronted Toffee inside the magic? Am I reminding you people how incredible this show was yet?

It had countless thrilling action scenes and it’s tent pole episodes are some of the best.

Star vs was a brutal show compared to what was on tv at the time. You felt every single time a character got hit and they could take some serious damage during the more intense battles. With each new villain the stakes continued getting raised. There are so many amazing action scenes in this show

And whenever it needed to go big, they went all out. Storm the castle, Star Crushed, Battle for Mewni (which is still one of my favourite season premieres of anything ever), Divide and Conquer, Coronation. Every single one of these are just phenomenal episodes that could easily be considered among the best animation in the 2010’s had to offer.

It had pretty great pacing in retrospect

So many see Star as more slice of life comedy than an epic over arching story but when you look back once the show began to get more plot focused it stayed on that trajectory. There were still the one off joke episodes but if a big revelation or twist occurred, it would not be forgotten about. Especially in season 3. Like season 3 of Star vs is just one of the best seasons of anything ever. After. Battle for Mewni, we get a breather episode of Star not wanting to let go of Marco then BAM Glossaryck’s alive, BAM Eclipsa is free and maybe she’s not as bad as everyone thinks. Things slow down for character’s to have arc focused episodes (mainly Marco adjusting to life on Mewni) but the show never felt imbalanced. Once it had it’s story it knew exactly when things needed to progress. Even in season 4 a lot of the more contained episodes play a part in the overarching narrative of Eclipsa becoming queen and trying to gain support from the people of Mewni. Any “filler” episodes are more outliers and there is rarely an instance where you go three episodes without any major plot points (at least in the second half of the show).

In conclusion, did Star vs the Forces of Evil have quite a few bad or boring episodes? Yes. Did it have a bad ending? Undoubtedly. But that shouldn’t change the fact this was and still is such a fun, well developed, action packed, emotional rollercoaster of a series that deserves far more credit than it’s been getting recently. Because that’s what Star was at its best. It was so different than anything else airing at the time and took risks with its world and characters that no other show would dare go near. The characters are wonderful, the animation can be downright beautiful, it’s story is absolutely insane but somehow works and will leave you either on the edge of your seat, in tears or both. And it’s worth taking a second look at to see why the show became one of the defining cartoons of the last decade.

And if you truly hate the finale just do what I do. Pretend the show ended with Cornonation. At least until we get that epilogue movie for Disney+ to create a better end point.

[itsyaboykay]

I laughed at the thought of alastor one day is looking for his radio staff he always has with him and angel is actually the one hiding it in his fluffy bosom.(he can fit many things in there, its a secret talent he's always had lol) just to amusingly watch his frustrated deer search for it. I havnt thought of how he'd discover angel is the one who has it though o3o

angel’s fluff is literally like lion’s mane in steven universe (in my opinion) to that thing would totally fit in there. 

but i can imagine alastor calling out for the staff (since it’s sentient) and the staff shouting out for alastor kinda like a game of marco polo (lulz in fact just plain picture him playing marco polo to find the staff here). suddenly he figures out that the staff is in angel’s fluff so cue angel waggling his chest at alastor inviting him to put his hand inside to find it.

from here, two different things can play out: 

if alastor and angel aren’t together or at least flirting al would get super nervous and have a crisis on what to do.

but if angel and alastor are together, al would just dive in, fiddle around and grope angel a lot and once angel is all weak in the knees and trembling cause alastor’s been playing with his nipples for a solid minute or ten, then at last he finally pulls the staff out and walks away as if nothing ever happened except now angel is holding onto the bar for support and cursing his boyfriend for being so fucking nonchalant and giving him exactly what he wanted

[firelord-frowny]

since ive never written it out for me to actually look at before,

franky/francis/francesca/francine - a former Proud Gay Boy, a current Proud Trans Lady

eli - a solid 1 on the ~kinsey scale.~ hasn’t ever actually met a dude he’d wanna date and he doesn’t partake in casual sex so he’s never Done Stuff with a guy but he would love to if he ever met The Perfect Dude

marco - no real romantic interest in men, but he’s been known to enjoy a dick or two or five 

nix - basically rejects the entirety of all western concepts of gender and sexuality but to make things easier on The Whites he may describe himself as pansexual and/or agender when asked. 

madison - gender: sadness. sexuality: catastrophe. but no really he’s more or less bi with a DEEP internal conflict about his attraction to men, womp womp, yes, he’s That Character (basically his issues with his sexuality are the same issues i have with my gender).

steven - token straight. though he once made out with franky for like 3 seconds just to prove the point to some Meanies that he doesn’t care that people ~think he’s gay~ since all his friends are lgbt. 

julius - i guess he’s also a bit of a token straight since he mostly was only friends with everyone else via nix since nix is his lil brother but i think his closeness with so many guys who were all over the spectrums of gender and sexuality allowed him to abandon/ignore a lot of the annoying ~toxic masculinity~ shit that’s rampant with a lot of straight men. so like. he’ll eat yogurt even if it’s not Manly Yogurt That Has The Word “Protien” In The Name With Big Manly Font.

[canonlgbtcharacters]

Trans and genderfluid characters in kid-friendly cartoons (Compilation)

BMO - Adventure Time - Genderfluid - BMO uses both he/him and she/her pronouns, and is referred to as “m’lady” by finn at one point. He is directly said to change gender depending on the game hes playing / the mood hes in here ! I haven’t watched adventure time so I can’t attest for how much his gender identity means in the grand scheme of things, but hes a really cute character and good representation IMO. Other rep: Princess Bubblegum is WLW, and Marceline is bi / pan. Hints were dropped for a long time that the two were dating, and it was happily confirmed in the series finale when they kissed.

All the gems - Steven Universe - Nonbinary - Steven Universe is a beacon for nonbinary representation. Rebecca Sugar, the creator of the show and herself a nonbinary woman, has stated that all gems have no gender, though almost all of them present femininely. While some people don’t consider this adequate rep since the gems still look feminine and use she/her pronouns, I think it’s more than adequate - it is made specifically by a nonbinary woman based on her experiences as a nonbinary woman. There are also a few characters who use they/them pronouns. Specifically, Stevonnie, Smoky Quartz, and Rainbow Quartz 2.0. All are fusions (this should help if you don’t know what fusion is) that involve the main character, Steven (a boy.) Stevonnie is between him and his friend Connie (a girl), while Rainbow Quartz 2.0 and Smoky Quartz are between him and NB gems. It is safe to assume that Sunstone, another Steven/gem fusion, also uses they/them. Other rep: Of course, there’s Sapphire (NB lesbian) and Ruby (NB lesbian), who are in a relationship and make up the character Garnet. They are very explicitly in love and even got married in a more recent episode !! Rose Quartz (NB and bi / pansexual) and Pearl (NB lesbian) once had a relationship that is widely considered to have been mostly unhealthy, due to (among many other reasons) Pearl still obsessing over Rose years after her death. Getting over Rose is a big part of Pearl’s character arc. There’s also an episode that’s mostly dedicated to Pearl working up the courage to get a cute girl’s number, and a LOT more. This entire show is basically built upon LGBT+ relationships and metaphors, and it isn’t even subtext.

Zadie and Milo - Danger and Eggs - Trans woman and nonbinary - This show has 13 episodes and two trans characters. The first is a young trans girl named Zadie, who explicitly sings about being a trans girl (that is, unfortunately, the best link I can find) and who also talks about chosen families (a concept very important to LGBT+ people) at some point in the show. As far as I know, she makes her appearance in the season finale. The other is Milo, a nonbinary teen who uses they/them pronouns and is kind of rare NB rep in that they are entirely human and not a robot or alien. They appear in multiple episodes and have an important role as a friend to the main characters. Both are played by trans people, too ! Zadie by a trans woman, and Milo by an agender person. I haven’t seen this show in its entirety but from what I have I’d say this is top-notch rep that I’d highly recommend children see. Other rep: I don’t think there’s any other specifically named LGBT+ characters, but the last episode literally takes place at a pride parade !

Marco Diaz - Star vs. the Forces of Evil - Trans woman - While this isn’t confirmed, there is a buttload of evidence to support the idea that Marco is a trans woman who hasn’t discovered / fully accepted her identity yet, or at least hasn’t come out to her friends and family. If you’re interested in learning more, I’d highly suggest reading this whole post. I’d also like to take note of this piece of concept art that is literally a doll based on Marco with trans colors and the trans flag on her purse. Apparently the show recently ended, I haven’t seen much of it myself, but I really think that the writers did the best they could to give us a closeted trans girl while under the iron fist of Disney. Other rep: Star (the main protagonist) is bi/pan (evidence in the link.) Jackie, a supporting character, is bi and gets a girlfriend by the end of the show. Starfan13, who is WLW, has explicitly stated she has a crush on Star Butterfly.

So this is what I could come up for for this list ! There is, unfortunately, a notable lack of representation for trans individuals in cartoons. But every lovingly-portrayed trans character is a small victory that I’m happy to celebrate. If anyone has anything to say about these characters, or can think of anymore trans cartoon rep I didn’t list, please feel free to add on !

[appleb18]

Why Cartoon Finales Feel So Unsatisfying

With most cartoon shows coming to an end such as Adventure Time, Legend of Korra, and Regular Show but as time moves on, most finales are rushed. Shows making the same mistakes makes the ending not a very good conclusion. So I’ll be talking about the many problems that I have with finales recently. Steven Universe Change Your Mind will be mention because Crewniverse mentioned  Rebecca Sugar planned that it was finale but of course, Cartoon Network wants it to continue so it counts.

LONG POST

1)  Plot Points 

The first of many problems that I keep on seeing in cartoon finales are the unexplained plot points. When a show points that this will have a major impact later to the episode, they show it and see what will happen with the plot point but most don’t and they either leave it unanswered, out of nowhere or used but it wasn’t written properly

Examples of unexplained plots are 

Star vs The Forces of Evil 

When Marco was fighting a Corrupted Tom and Corrupted Milhorse he got stabbed by the unicorn, leaving a dark purple wound on his chest with dramatic music playing 

But then it didn’t really matter and it “magically” healed somehow 

Then there’s Star destroying The Realm of Magic which caused magic to be gone. While Omnitraxus, Heckapoo and Rhombulus are destroyed but they never showed what happens to the other realms and creatures that use magic such as the Lucitors and Reynaldo the Bald Pate. 

Legend of Korra 

When Korra defeat Kuvia and she was about to use the Spirit Beam but it misdirected to her, Korra can somehow bend spirit beam

How is there another spirit portal? I know the comics explained it but I would like to see it more in detail in the show than the comics

Gravity Falls 

The Bill Cipher zodiac keeps showing up in the opening of the show 

Been shown in the show numerous times and know a bit of its purpose as the show goes on

In the finale, it was about to be shown what it is and does but Stanley and Stanford had to fight each other which cause the zodiac to not work. I do wish what will happen to Bill when he’s in it and see its effects before they fight

Voltron

Why Allura have to die in the finale, was there another way for her to survive than just dying? 

How the hell did Lance become Altean? You can’t just transform a human into one, that’s impossible 

2) Not Enough Time 

Another main problem I’ve been seeing in cartoon shows finale is there isn’t enough time to explore the new things that have been added to the show, character development, and character relationships. Finale just shows it for a minute and then that’s it. 

Examples of this are 

Steven Universe 

In Change Your Mind, when Steven was getting his friends back to reform, aside Smoky Quartz, we get to see Pearl and Steven fusion, Rainbow Quartz 2.0

 Garnet and Steven, Sunstone 

however the main problem with this they appear only once and then that’s it. Although they’ll hopefully make an appearance in season 6 but the lack of Opal and Sugilite, I doubt they’ll be shown again. 

Gravity Falls 

When Stanford and Mcgucket reunited in Weirdmeggedon: “Take Back the Falls”,  it was really a quick reunion and they become friends again. I do wish the team give their reunion more screen than just a minute since they’re best friends for a very long time like Spider-Man and Iron Man in Endgame 

Then there’s when Stanley sacrifice his mind to defeat Bill Cipher, it was truly emotional to have him take responsibility for almost releasing him to the world.

Of course, he’ll recover from his memories but he got it back too quickly, it should’ve taken longer regained his memories. It just downgrades his sacrifice.

Samurai Jack 

Samurai Jack friends came in a minute 

Jack tells Ashi that he loves him. It should’ve taken her a bit longer to break free from Aku control than just that 

Also, there was never a moment of him interacting with his friends beside the Scottsman. He didn’t get to say goodbye nor tell his thanks to them for rescuing him before he goes back to the past! 

Then there’s Ashi fading away because, without him, she disappears which should’ve done when he destroys Aku, not during their wedding 

Voltron 

As Allura dies and saying goodbye to her friends however she never gets to say goodbye Coran, her main man, and her father-figure like why? 

3) The Lack of Main Characters 

It is always important to have the main cast of characters have their last adventure and end the huge conflict of the story but with today’s finale, the main cast doesn’t get to shine, in fact, they don't do anything at all.

An example of this 

The Amazing World of Gumball 

The Gumball family doesn’t get to appear for the finale, it’s mostly Gumball, Darwin and the school. 

Adventure Time 

Finn and Jake, the main characters and they are in the title of the show Adventure Time with Finn and Jake however they were more in the sidelines in the finale. The first half is Finn reconcile with Fern 

Jake having weird dreams 

Then in the second half things get stressful when Finn and Jake haven’t much of a roll to the last episode. Finn goes inside of Golb to save Betty and Ice King/Simon but they get stuck

And Jake gets defeated easily by the monsters. The characters that did the most are Marceline for able to stun the monster for a bit 

Princess Bubblegum finding that their weakness is harmony and she was able to find out because of BMO 

And Betty defeating Glob by using the crown and wishing to protect Simon that caused her to become Golb herself 

It’s disappointing that neither Finn nor Jake, the stars of the show for 9 years, couldn’t do anything in the finale, a similar complaint I have with Adventure Time Mini-Series Stakes but worst

Steven Universe 

Now it’s time to talk about other characters that came to help the Crystal Gems but they really didn’t help at all and it’s Bismuth, Lapis Lazuli and Peridot. They finally arrive to help Crystal Gems to get to White Diamond with Lapis and Peridot new outfits and Bismuth giving Connie a new sword. 

Yet they were nothing more than accessory, just there to show that they are in finale, only serving as fan-service 

Then just when they finally showed up to help Steven, it was already over so they don’t have any value in the finale. 

4) Final Villain 

Recently, the last antagonist/final villain has many issues that I’ll be breaking into two parts. 

A. No Build Up 

It’s always important to have the final villain to appear in multiple and show how threatening they are but as I’ve seen, they appear only a few times with little interactions and not a lot of depth of their depth. 

Golb from Adventure Time first appeared in “Puhoy” at the end of the episode and was mentioned a few times in the last two seasons and he randomly appears as the final villain with no proper introduction and he doesn’t have any history with the main characters 

White Diamond from Steven Universe appears in the background from season 1 - 4

Her only appearances are in two episodes, “Legs From Here to Homeworld” and “Change Your Mind”. At first, she was overjoyed that Pink Diamond is alive inside of Steven 

Then she becomes a dictator? How we get from this to there? Do we miss something? 

B. The Final Battle 

The endgame, the final conversation between two opposing sides and they’ll settle their score once and for all. Unfortunately, their final moments aren’t satisfying and it very anti-climatic of how they were defeated. 

Aku and Samurai Jack never fought each other in the finale. It’s mostly Jack slashing him 

Steven talking to White Diamond like how always does it

Mina Loveberry gets defeated by a Corrupted Milhorse and we don’t see until the end 

The final villain should’ve gotten a great final showdown with the main protagonist but it was sadly rushed 

5) Leaving it in a Cliffhanger/Open-Ended 

The most problematic I have with finales is they leave it in a cliffhanger/open-ended. It doesn’t feel like a satisfying end to the show, more than an episode and or another season

The Amazing World of Gumball ended with Rob going into the void and that’s it. 

and Star vs The Forces of Evil ending with the Earth and Mewni cleaved together and Star and Marco look at each other than the credit rolls.

The series finale should NEVER end with a cliffhanger nor open-ended, it just leaves an poor conclusion to the series, leaving too many questions unanswered! 

Conclusion

Modern cartoon finales aren’t easy. It requires a lot of planning, work and thought to conclude a series and not many got it right. The only finales that did a good job and made me feel satisfied are 

Regular Show 

Over the Garden Wall

And the only show left that’s coming to end and I hope it doesn’t make the same mistakes is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic 

Overall I don’t hate nor I say good finales expect for Samurai Jack, The Amazing World of Gumball, and Voltron, their pretty average endings that could've done better.