#many things have changed i guess
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On the one hand, it’s super awesome fun to have a 4-year-old whumplet get over 100 notes in 24 hours. Not complaining about that at all! Made my whole day, and I’m still pretty gleeful about it.
On the other hand, I feel like I had so much creativity then, and...I just...where did it go??
#about me#not whump#writer world problems#four years ago#the before times#many things have changed i guess#the term i hold on to is#creative hibernation#in other news#i have an official adhd 1st evaluation on monday#no clue how that will go#or if a diagnosis would make a whit of difference#but i guess we'll see
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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I'm seeing some frustration over fandom creatives expressing anger or distress over people feeding their work into ChatGPT. I'm not responding to OP directly because I don't want to derail their post (their intent was to provide perspective on how these models actually work, and reduce undue panic, which is all coming from a good place!), but reassurances that the addition of our work will have a negligible impact on the model (which is true at this point) does kind of miss the point? Speaking for myself, my distress is less about the practical ramifications of feeding my fic into ChatGPT, and more about the principle of someone taking my work and deliberately adding it to the dataset.
Like, I fully realize that my work is a drop in the bucket of ChatGPT's several-billion-token training set! It will not make a demonstrable practical difference in the output of the model! That doesn't change the fact that I do not want my work to be part of the set of data that the ChatGPT devs use for training.
According to their FAQ, ChatGPT can and will use user input to train itself. The terms and conditions explicitly state that they save your chats to help train and improve their models. (You can opt-out, but sharing is the default.) So if you're feeding a fic into ChatGPT, unless you've explicitly opted out, you are handing it to the ChatGPT team and giving them permission to use it for training, whether or not that was your intent.
Now, will one fic make a demonstrable difference in the output of the model? No! But as the person who spent a year and a handful of months laboring over my fic, it makes a difference to me whether my fic, specifically, is being used in the dataset. If authors are allowed to have a problem with the ChatGPT devs for scraping millions of fics without permission, they're also allowed to have a problem with folks handing their individual fics over via the chat interface.
I do want to add that if you've done this to a fic, please don't take this as me being upset with you personally! Folks are still learning new information and puzzling out what "good" vs. "bad" use is, from an ethical standpoint. (Heck, my own perspective on this is deeply based on my own subjective feelings!) And we certainly shouldn't act like one person feeding a fic into ChatGPT has the same practical negative impact, on a broad societal scale, as a team using a web crawler to scrape five billion pieces of artwork for Stable Diffusion.
The point is that fundamentally, an ethical dataset should be obtained with the consent of those providing the data. Just because it's normalized for our data to be scraped without consent doesn't make it ethical, and this is why ChatGPT gives users the option to not share data— there is actually a standardized way (robots.txt) for website servers to set policies for how bots/crawlers can interact with them, for exactly this reason— and I think fandom artists and authors are well within their rights to express a desire for opting out to be the socially-respected default within the fandom community.
#maybe this is an ice cold take but i've been meaning to go off about datasets for a while so here we are i guess#i can respect what op's frustrations were and what they were trying to get at! but also i do not want my fic in chatgpt's dataset#regardless of whether it will make a practical difference#and again i don't think the people doing this are necessarily bad actors or having a huge negative social impact#chatgpt#chat gpt#ai#fandom#negative#(possibly! i'm trying not to be!! especially because this is very feelings-based and there are many things i am not considering)#the model may not demonstrably change because of your fic. but it does have your fic now and that does matter maybe idk
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Return date for my webcomic, Time and Time Again!
It's been set for a while but sometimes they change the date without warning, so I'll keep you updated if anything changes!
I'm extremely proud of the work I've been doing on it, I can't wait to share everything!
See you then!
#i still have to finish book 4#soooo iiiiiii will do that... this week...#really trying to be done with it but this one is taking so long for all the changes!#hoping to have an update on that soon too#might have taken on a few too many projects#but yay! return!#yippee!!!#i would say sorry its been so long but theres no way it could have been shorter and other people are gone way longer#i tried to leave things on a nice note so itd only be missed for wanting more#and not missed for feeling abandoned#ok! time to get up for another day of work! really need some things off my list so my days can be like.#9/10 hours instead of 12 LOL#im so tired. im legitimately extremely overworked it's a problem#ok bye back to work for me#return#hiatus stuff#time and time again#announcement#use this post to talk about how excited you are and make guesses and shower me with praise :-)[-[#LMAO
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Since we're talking about it, the issues with 911's pacing and the story lines feeling self contained to the point of lacking cohesion is not new. We saw this with season 6, and we've seen it more and more since then. Season 7 was shortened and the first with a new network so we can let that slide, but season 8 feels especially egregious considering they're back to their usual length and they're still making these episodes like they're meant to be standalone instead of part of a season/series. If there’s a central theme or two, I don’t know what it is. The opening arc was great and flowed together very well, but it was in essence a feature film that has not had much connection to the rest of the season. Plot points get brought up and resolved within twenty minutes. There’s always a chance they’ll get brought up again but it’s hard to see the road ahead. In their initial seasons, they were so good about setting up season-long threads and they telegraphed that. Now it feels like a “I guess they could bring that up again?? If they want??”
Now, I am perfectly aware and capable of not watching a show if I don’t enjoy it so don't even go there, and I know we're only halfway through this season, but there’s only so many times you can yell about long-form storytelling or whatever before you look foolish and the writers give you yet another forty minute episode that brings nothing beyond momentary enjoyment and introspection. I also still enjoy the show and think there's plenty to enjoy! But I don’t want this beloved show to become what so many others have—just a pale imitation of what it used to be and only the characters you love to hold on to instead of the stories we came and stayed for. I think that's the frustrating part. We know how good this show can be and to be here another year talking about the same issues we talked about during season 6 is frustrating. I hope something turns around because this is not it.
#911 things#911 abc#you could consider this 911 negativity i guess?#but anyway i am still watching!! i haven't stopped and like i and so many have said before there's a lot to like still#but whatever it was earlier is lost#and shows can and should evolve and i am not opposed to the overall themes or vibe of a show changing over time#we saw that from s1 to s2 and it worked#but you can't get away from lacking strong season-long themes and stories you just can't
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act 3 optional content spoilers !!
also flash warning i think? (bad apple)
i played bad apple on the face of your god. sorry not sorry.
#starling sings#isat#isat act 3#isat change god#in stars and time#change god isat#my art#<- sure i guess i dont edit things enough to have my own separate tag for it so.!#uhm. tee hee#i got this idea because i was streaming one of my many playthroughs of isat to some of my friendw and one of them said that#itd be funny to play bad apple on the change god's face. so. i made it.#hope you enjoy 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁#edit: forgot to remove capcut watermark 😔😔😔#can you tell i rarely make edits. i forgot to remove the capcut watermark for cryin out loud abbfjwbf
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I asked for a commission of my DC OC Shay from @jnephrite and look at my girl!! 😭 She so pretty I can't even😭😭😭 Always loved @jnephrite art so seeing Shay in hers is a blessing 🙏🏾
And since the fic is almost halfway through posting, I thought, might as well introduce Shay properly! EDIT: the fic, Awaking in Gotham, is now completed!
Full name: Shay Michelle Frank (♀) Occupation: Graphic Designer / YouTuber Height: 5'9" Birthday: September 16th ☀Virgo 🌙Aries ⬆Aquarius Proud African American/Haitian & Gothamite Hobbies: Poetry, Arts, Rap/R&B music, help the Gotham North Community Center, Discover new artists (both musically and visual arts)
Shay was born and raised in Gotham, close to the infamous Crime Alley, by her maternal grandmother, Marie-Monique "Manmi Mo" Antoine, and with her 3 years older brother Zachary "Zee" Frank. Her mother died of childbirth (she had had complications with Zee which was why she was hospitalized when pregnant with Shay) so her whole family distrusted the American health system. This is why when her grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, they didn't go to the hospital and only went to the illegal clinic. (Also; money.) Her father is unknown.
Ever since young, she went to the Gotham North Community Center, mostly run by the Black and Latinx communities of the Crime Alley neighbourhood. Her grandmother would teach the children about mostly Black literature but also all sorts of arts which is why Shay is such a creative person. That's also where she met Jason Todd for the first time when she was around 4-5.
Her brother very early on started to "run the streets" and started to hang out with bad crews, but always had his heart on his sleeves. He just couldn't find other ways to get money to make sure Shay had the right education/a chance away from crime.
Her grandma died when she was almost 17 and her brother died not even 4 weeks later (2 weeks after her 17th birthday) because of a dispute between gangs. (Allegedly)
After her grandma and Zee died, she went to live in Metropolis with her second-degree cousin, Jennifer Antoine, until she graduated from university. Even when in Metropolis, she would go as much as she could back to Gotham to see her people/help the center.
She started a YouTube channel talking about Gotham's art and musical scene to change people's persepective of Gotham after too many people at Metropolis U "pitied" her for being a Gothamite.
As soon as she was about to graduate, she applied to work at Wayne Entreprise back in Gotham. She got a job as a graphic designer and moved back to her city.
At the start of the fic, "Awaking in Gotham", she is 22 and has been working at WE for almost a year.
Read more about Shay (and her love story with Jason) on AO3! (Trying to update every week!)
Random notes about Shay:
As I wrote in the fic's notes, the first reason for creating Shay was: who the fuck would stay in Gotham that isn't a criminal and/or a vigilante??
So I created a black girl who loves her community and sees all it could be while being very conscious of what it is and its dangers. Then I went, hey! she'd be good with Jason while I was starting my Jason Todd Thirst so obv my fic turned into romance. lol
The name comes from Belgian rapper Shay, Montreal-based singer Shay Lia, and Haitian Montreal-based singer Shah Frank. As I was creating Shay I was obsessed with all three of them and the name Shay Frank wouldn't leave me.
Ngl, I gave a lot of me to Shay; like her Haitian roots and GAD but very quickly she went her own way and grew in this character I'm proud of. I'd like to say I also gave her my music taste but she is way more into hip-hop than me and she rejects most of my pop playlists (sadly).
Because Shay was based on me, all her entourage I created is based on people in my rl. lol
I also absolutely wanted her to be friends with Bernard because I absolutely love Bernard (and Bat SO who are civilians? Tim and Jason bonding over the fact their SO are the only civilians in the Batfam?! So many fun things to do!!)
Zee is also a character that I love, based on one of my favourite cousins, and I got lowkey mad at myself halfway through that he was dead. So I have an AU where he didn't die in my head lol
I'd like to write a oneshot of it when I'm done with this fic.
Last fun fact about Shay that I wasn't able to put in fic yet: all the rogues annoy her (mostly because they cause mayhem that cancel events) but she madly respects Poison Ivy because of her convictions and: "is she wrong tho?"
I have a lot of other small notes about Shay and the Shay-verse but I'll post the rest when the fic is completed!
EDIT 2024-10-04: I completely forgot to add the link to the post fic notes! So if you read Awaking in Gotham do check those other notes!
#dc oc#orginal character#black character#Shay Frank#jayshay#jayoc#dc#fic writing#lowkey want to change all my icons for shay#my girl is so pretty I can't#there's so many things I wanna tell you guys but I guess I have to wait for after fic#dinde even enter all my Jason hc for this universe 😭#and all the center people 🥹
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Me: I joke about writing the same McCoy centric story over and over again in different ways
Me: and like. I love doing it and imma keep doing it because it makes me happy.
Me: but also. I do sometimes wonder if it's like. A little Much.
Me: like maybe I should branch out or something
Me: [reads another fundamental and extremely insulting misread of McCoy's character by someone who is clearly making a Choice to cast McCoy as the villain, because they have to get him out of the way of spirk, because they're too???? idk immature??? to realize that even when you're in a relationship with one person, other ppl can and SHOULD still be important to you]
Me: lmao I hope I AM too much actually!!!! I hope it is 100% obnoxious how much I love that doctor!!!!! Time to write more versions of the same story of McCoy being forced to realize that he is loved and cared for!!!!!!
Me: I KNOW MY NICHE AND IMMA DIE IN THAT NICHE, THANKS
#mine#not putting this in the mcc*y/tr*k tags bc i am venting not trying to start 💾🐎 [discourse]#but woof. WOOF. i want you to know that if you hate the doc then sp*ck and k*rk would hate YOU#like seeing someone say they're sp*ck or jim coded and then say flagrantly absurd things about mcc*y.......u are garbage coded actually.#sp*ck and k*rk would literally never#i will never understand how so many ppl can ship mcc*y’s besties and then???? hate on mcc*y?????????#i block LIBERALLY so i have a lot of b*nes haters blocked already tbf#i just stumble across one in the wild sometimes alas#that mindset btw is how that counseling fic came about lmao - we were talking about how if sp*rk dated they'd still drag mcc*y EVERYWHERE#romantic or platonic he is THEIRS just like they're HIS. it's a triumvir*te my guy#any two of them hook up they're still making the third stay at their side 24/7 lolllllll#how can you claim to love sp*ck and k*rk and so fundamentally misunderstand them and their relationship with b*nes#genuinely tragique#you are missing out on so much fun#we are not watching the same show lmao <3 leave my doctor alone <3 leave his bfs alone too <3#me: i should let things go / sp*ck: have you instead considered being a petty bitch / me: what / sp*ck: they can get fucked and die mad 🖖#me: ur so right sp*ck / sp*ck: i usually am#guess who literally just found out that if the word is contained w/in a longer tag it now shows up if you search that word!!!!!#that change very well may not be recent but i just found out!!!! anyway. asterisks added.#i give up. tumblr keeps putting this in the fucjing tags. hellsite (full of hatred)#eta: didn't think to make this non-rebloggable earlier but now it is lmao. it's just a vent post y'all <3
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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Part of the reason I am so jazzed about the conversation with the Arch Heart is because it has removed the illusion of this being an easy choice. As Orym said, and as he has been operating on the assumption of, the people of Exandria are like ants to something like Predathos, likely to be crushed underfoot. Correct, yeah. But the point of the Arch Heart's responses was that the same is true of the gods. The world is faced with a scenario where one way or another, some power is very likely going to be unleashed and put quite a lot of people in danger. Unless they can somehow very quickly quell the gods' fear*, either the gods or Predathos will be freed and stomping ants.
That refocuses the question. People are going to die. The question is, how long will the danger go on? And what kind of world will be left, after?
Juicy!
#*this is it's own problem too#even if they succeed in buying themselves time to handle the Predathos situation without the gods breaking the Divine Gate#it is pretty fucked that they would essentially need to beg for the lives of how many people died in the calamity? 2/3 the population?#they would have to beg for the lives of 2/3 of the population to even get a chance to save the gods#I have always been team third solution and team they might not have to die but things need to change#so i am very excited to have the narrative more aggressively pointing that out now#things are fucked! there are no easy answers! you have to choose anyway!#tasty#critical role#cr spoilers#cr meta#i guess
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I combined footage from my Detektiv Conan Blu-ray with audio from my Case Closed FUNimation DVD and made an HD English dub clip compilation for Episodes 57-58, "The Holmes Freak Murder Case."
#detective conan#case closed#video#funimation english dub script#i wasn't actually gonna post this video to tumblr because it's so long (because i have a lot of feelings about this case!)#but folks on discord liked it and i'm all about my funi dub propaganda so why not right?#the dub script here is just so fun--and does so well at making the dialogue *work* and sound natural in english#and has so much flavor! it does arguably too much in terms of creative liberties but things like#'can i really trust what a kid saw?' of the sub translation compared to 'and what were you smoking before you ran out there?' in the dub#are much more enjoyable to me#(other fun phrasings: 'the one who's always hangin' around you guys' (sub) vs. 'the little-bitty one with the great big brain!' (dub))#(and 'of course not! the reason i applied for this tour was 'cuz i thought i might find kudo' (sub))#(vs. 'who me? no no no. actually i signed up because i was hoping to run into jimmy here. but i guess i'm out of luck' (dub))#(and so many more! this script just has so much character)#and while it is a shame that the dub eliminated heiji's accent i do like the changed line ('i know it's you!')#'cause you've met shinichi *once* heiji lol#but yeah this is a fun case! i'm really happy to have finally hd'd the funi dub for it :')#one of my favorite things about the funi dub is that jerry jewell (shinichi's va) voices conan's thoughts#and it's so nice to hear *shinichi* and heiji deducting together (and the way they finish each other's thoughts and vibe... it gets to me)
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okay, being 100% honest, dont pull a josten and lie to me
if exy and all the aftg stuff was real, would you actually like exy? if someone mentioned kevin day/neil josten/etc, would you recognize their names?
and if the answer is yes, would you be a hater, a stan, indiffent?
remember, you cant lie
#personally#i wouldnt really care#BUT my brother is a big sports fan (like in general he likes too many sports) loves to rant to me about whats up in the sports world#so i know a lot of things and i have opinions (that are my brothers opinion that he rants to me about)#i dont know what time would he stan (maybe the foxes he's got a thing for teams that dont win jackshit with a few exceptions but not sure)#what i do now is that he would absolutely hate the ravens#mostly bc they win every season and he hates winning teams (he says is antisportmanship but actually his fave lost so)#he would despite riko for calling himself the best and also dislike kevin and jean for being (ex)ravens#(tho not as much bc 1)they changed team and 2) they dont have a fucking 1 in their faces. just a 2 and a 3)#he would love wymack#(he stans coaches as much as ge stans players)#he would second guess everytving he does but respect the shit out of him and watch the foxes games just bc he is coaching#he would think neil is funny but wouldnt like him and he would have a andrew minyard poster (i will not elaborate)#aftg#all for the game#nora sakavic#exy#exy is sexy#the foxes#palmetto state foxes#the foxhole court#tsc#idk tags#neil josten#kevin day#the perfect court#coach wymack
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welcome to the cloop dimension!!!! enjoy your stay!!!
(tenderly inspired by a based image from my dear dear friend squid [link to his drawing here since it is epic!!] who is also graciously letting me use their cloop as the. dimension. ASFADA)
#in stars and time#isat#isat loop#yep !#also to whomever said#ohh cloop we're really in it now#thank you#quote from squid:#“thank you you have changed my brain chemistry”#and he cannot stop saying it#ASFASDASF IT WAS VERY FUNNY I THINK ITS INFECTING THE FRIEND GROUP LMAO#i like how i said oh i think i am going to be busy so expect less drawings#then i am immediately inspired and granted the energy to draw so many things somehow#the world works in mysterious ways i guess ASFASDAD#anyway gonna go hang out with my frinedddsss :DDDDD
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wip wednesday
yeah, one more time: still wednesday somewhere!
i've actually written…like a genuinely shocking amount this week, somehow? like 'i have six documents open and have added at least 500 words to each of them in the last 72 hours' amount?
anyhow, in honour of that, have a preview of something that will almost certainly please no one: some fic inspired by this post and the tags that my terrible wife has added to it.
He's looking at her, finally looking at her, and then Shan Gudao starts talking and ruins things. His words, nearly mocking, are too rude to ignore, but their relationship is too precarious for her to push back. Besides: she wants him to leave them. He can distract himself with his pointless plans. She has things to do. So she simpers, instead. It works on him the same way it works on every other man foolish enough to look at her and see only beauty. 'My lord fought the three of them alone,' she says, glancing at Di Feisheng. He's not looking at her anymore. He's going to look at her. He's going to look only at her. She explains about the poison on his lackey—an easily tricked fool, a king in nothing but name—and he closes his eyes and looks down. With his powers suppressed, he looks weaker and less proud, almost fragile. He hasn't looked at her again. It makes her restless and reckless both; she flexes her hand against her thigh, thinking about stroking his face. Slapping his face. 'My lord,' she says, and there, he looks up, finally, beautiful and bloody and half dazed. He doesn't look sorry, though, not the way he should, not even as she reminds him about what he did to her. What she is willing to graciously overlook out of love for him. His face is still wrong though; this is an expression she's seen before. It's disgust. Disdain. How dare he. Were he anyone other than who he is, she would execute him for this. He's just a man, and she is by rights the emperor. He has no room to look down on her, now or ever, not after she ran his alliance, not after she did everything to make him the name that he is now. He'll bow to her one way or the other.
#yes yes again with the name issue i know#it's just. i write with everyone's full name almost all the time in all circumstances because it's easier for me to track them.#then before i post it i hopefully to back and change them so they're like. contextually correct and also not every second word.#anyhow#i was like 'wow there are so many things; what should i post?'#and the obvious answer was 'the one that i think is the second least likely to actually appeal to anyone'#i must admit that i have never even once before this been a 'hey girl that's kind of a *lot* of wips' person#but here i sit i guess#yeah what the hell i'll put this in the tag#mysterious lotus casebook#di feisheng#jiao liqiao#wip wednesday#echoes linger
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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You know what irks me the most about the mha ending. (Sorry I'm still on it.)
Like the early parts of the manga, there were so many grown up hero AUs in fandom (like storylines that took place when they're adults and heroes) and they're fun! A little silly!
And then we had the war arc and cities are being destroyed and everything's torn up and for over a hundred chapters, it's been oh huh I guess every AU like that will just be canon divergence lmao
And then Horikoshi basically wipes the slate clean so I guess all those AUs could technically canon compliant. There's not even much in the way of lasting physical damage! Because it's dealt with???? Immediately???? Within months?????
Which is fine! Nothing wrong with it! The AUs are fun! But, it just irks me that you could throw out half the manga because it didn't matter. Nothing majorly changed. Silly adult hero AUs for everyone I guess because the League may as well have been 2 bit villains for all the effect they had at large was. Idk. Maybe I'm bitter? Maybe my brain still trying to process the ending and the change in how AUs relate to canon? I guess - what was all the constant sprinkling in of "society has let people down" that we see from chapter 1? It meant nothing? I guess????? I mean A WAR HAPPENED. But whatever I guess heehee wasn't that soooooo silly???? That people's take on early story can be the same as post story?????
#the bee talks#bnha manga spoilers#bnha#*nothing's new nothing's new noooothing's new“ plays on repeat in my head#im NOT fucking tagging it as critical. i dont think im being overall critical about mha. maybe i will to help ppl curate fandom space#i guess itd be more like wank than actual criticism.#anyway theres a great denki/shinsou/monoma tiktok adult hero au story- its kind of brilliant. love that.#(literally story it has so many arcs so many interesting villain/vigilante ocs its so so good)#but... i mean it was cosplay so it took a while. and in all that time it just??? could still technically be canon??#idk it just..... something in me just.... chafes about this#and its arguably such a stupid thing to get hung up on (i think my brain's just having a hard time with that mental switch). sorry.#we need a different tag thats mha wank or mha negative or something bc its more that than any critical.#why did horikoshi spend 10 years on this story??????#why give time and thought to the villains????? why did he do all this????#he couldve just explored uraraka's than “heroic” reasons for getting into ua if he didnt want his villains to change anything.#like just focus on the hero students or something. idk idk idk... fuck it:#bnha critical
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