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I'm very sorry to ask something like this, I've really been struggling with this question, and I wanted to ask the combined wisdom of the people on this site
I would like to know why you keep going, and what drives you to keep living. I know there are a lot of reasons to stay alive and enjoy life, I can think of a few that personally resonate with me, but I really want to know what your reasons are
You do not have to comment on this if that's too big of an ask, and I'm very sorry for asking something like this, I really need someone's help, I feel like I don't have much purpose
Also if I may ask, please don't post any suicidal ideation in the comments of this post, I really can't handle something like that right now
#I've been thinking about this a lot and it's been hard for me to deal with#I think I just want to be happy as many times as possible and I want to help other people feel happy as many times as possible#I'd really appreciate any help or advice that you have#Suicide mention#Tw//#Cw//
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun#dungeon meshi#this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme#half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is#someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality#his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though#he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once#snakes#long post#severe problems#meshy
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How do you think Sans reacts to Papyrus’s death during the runs?
If you mean in the base game, uh... we kinda already know? If Papyrus is killed, Sans doesn't show up again until the final corridor, where he'll ask "if you have some sort of special power, isn't it your responsibility to do the right thing?"
If you answer yes (that you do have that responsibility), then he responds, without eyelights or sound font, "Then why'd you kill my brother?"
And if you answer no (you aren't responsible), you get "well, that's your viewpoint. i won't judge you for it.... You dirty brother killer."
There's also the line of description you get if you go on to have a concert with Shyren after killing Papyrus: "A hooded figure watches the commotion from afar." It replaces the line that mentions Sans selling toilet paper tickets to your concert, and of course, of all the characters with hoods in the game, he's the one who would be most concerned with tracking your actions after killing Papyrus. So, it makes the most sense to infer that this hooded figure is Sans.
So his reactions, to me at least, suggest that not only is he heartbroken, he's furious with you. But Sans isn't one for direct confrontations and shouting like Undyne is, so he watches, and I think he still tries to understand why you'd do something so horrible. But that doesn't stop him from being angry because there's no excuse for killing his brother, but sparing other monsters, that he can fathom.
I'm personally not a fan of depictions of Sans sobbing over Papyrus' dusty scarf--he just doesn't strike me as a guy whose first reaction is to cry. For my understanding of him, it makes more sense for him to go numb, initially, then save his anger for his parting shot in the last corridor. No matter what you answer, Sans gets the last word in, and it's always to remind you that you did not have to kill his brother.
So uh, yeah. that's what I think.
#undertalethingem chats#undertale canon chat#character analysis#sans (undertale)#something sort of tangentially related that's always bugged me is people making sans' fight about avenging papyrus#when papyrus can die in so many other neutral routes and sans still won't lift a finger#and when sans *does* fight he doesn't mention papyrus at all until he loses#so like. revenge is clearly not something that motivates sans#that's more undyne's thing and even then. some neutral endings it won't motivate her either.#the neutral endings are so good for additional characterization and several are frankly unparalleled for angst potential#but they're tragically underutilized -.-;
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reading up on argenti’s lore
#I lost the 50/50 the first time but THIS TIME FOR SURE HE WILL COME HOME#big fan of the hc that he originally had white hair#I hope we get an event or quest or something that tells us more abt him…#why does he have such a harrowing backstory and why does no one talk about it#actually in fact there are so many other characters who’s got a crazy ass backstory yet I see no one mentioning it ????#hanya and xueyi r big ones for me their story is so sad 😔#argenti is one of those characters that you feel like you know everything yet nothing about them at the same time#honkai star rail#argenti#hsr argenti#my art#art#digital art#fanart#illustration#procreate#sketch#haliai art#sketchier than normal cause I was trying out a new brush pack
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Dunno if it has been requested but no.66?
( ID in ALT text) i honestly didn't expect somone to still ask about these hahah
#atla#zuko#i was close to just ignore this ask because i think i mentioned that i will stop doing these#but currently the fandome tag is well... not much chearfull#so -gesticulates- a pouty grumpy zuko#(man this file contained so many zuko one of witch defenitley has to go to ao3 and the other two are difficutl for me to categorize...)#(at least this one is harmles!)
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they're the same ship in a different font and by font i mean treatment of their yellow omnipotent boyfriends
#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#bill x ford#billford#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tsp narrator#tsp stanley#stanley x narrator#stanarrator#doodle#suicide mention#bill and narrator are polar opposites#which i think is interesting#considering how alike they are in many other aspects#bill enjoys chaos and disaster#narrator enjoys structure and linearity#bill tortures and kills because he thinks it's funny#but narrator does so because his patience has been tested#overall narrator is my favorite#they could never make me hate you#you gay british freak
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hi heres art so you pay attention to me now go read the tags
#ive been rewatching episode 7 like its the only thing on youtube and made note of many things#first off. the solver can only have one host. nori mentions skyn wants to kill off all the other solver hosts (with the dds) and disregards#the idea of both uzi and doll being its current host when they get chased#plus the main solver possessions only occur when skyn is out of the picture (the fightt in ep 7 is only after n decapitates “tessa”)#solver uzi is possible too but i dont count her cause she doesn't have the yellow#personal theory is that its more an instinctual response to overheating or something and not full on possession#second off nori calls the solver cyn. how does she know that name#cyn was on earth and only showed up to copper 9 recently and i presume nori's been here her whole life#it probably wasn't the other dds cause none of them made it down and they're all more savage beasts#since cyn specifies n's team retained their personalities and that makes me think the other teams didnt#also also we should've immediately questioned tessa arriving in the same type of pod as the mds when they were revealed to not be sent by j#im running out of characters also the people who dont like when i use tags like this can bite me#murder drones#murder drones nori#artori? that sounds cool#ill probably just stick with nori though#i have so many solver heart refs now#art#episode 7#murder drones episode 7#murder drones episode 7 spoilers#using the same black for shadows as my lineart doesn't work when i have to draw thin things over it#murder drones spoilers
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gay knights and dames collages part two
#gay knights#knightcore#knight x knight#arthurian legend#medievalcore#john william waterhouse#edmund blair leighton#lesbian dames#pre raphaelite#decidedly less so this time around#uuh what tags did I use last time#the other post really blew up this will be its less successful cousin#although there are some real gems in here not to brag lmao#anyways I was feeling so many knight feelings that I started historical fencing#again I did this on my tiny phone at work so be nice i know they’re wonky#the hardest part is finding head rotations that actually work#also since people mentioned a lack of lady knights nothing is stopping the ones in armor from being lesbians be creative
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as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."
and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.
does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?
Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,
you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.
you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.
#npd#aspd#bpd#avpd#ocpd#hpd#spd#ppd#dpd#stpd#trauma#abuse mention#ableism#abuse survivor#i'm sorry this is so rambly i'm tired AAAAAA#i wish i was better at articulating my points bc i have so much to say on this😔#i've felt this for awhile but felt to make this after seeing a particularly bad post that claimed everybody with npd and/or aspd is a-#-monster who can't feel emotions and only gets joy out of abusing others#if you think THAT'S bad i'm leaving out MANY details from the post that i don't want to get into#personality disorder#max speaks
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I do think that, when discussing the merits of a post-god Exandria, it's important to remember that many people in this world find peace, comfort, and purpose in their worship of the gods, and would be devastated by their loss. Not just clerics or god-aligned paladins, but many, many regular folk. Here in the real world, significantly more people ascribe to some kind of religious faith than don't; imagine what that proportion would be like in a setting where the gods are clearly and objectively real. Where people can pray and truly feel the presence of their god with them. Where they can grieve their loved ones in death yet know, without doubt, that that person's soul was welcomed into a divine domain. Where they know these gods came to their world and created all mortal life. Is there truly nothing there worth preserving? Is the imbalance of power between gods and mortals so fundamentally unjust that all that faith grants should be violently ripped away?
#critical role#just something that's been on my mind#as i rarely see conversations about the faults of the gods mention the effect their removal would have on ordinary people#to balance your personal feelings about the gods against so many others#and decide that what you believe matters more because they're just a bunch of level 0 farmers and merchants and whatever#feels solipsistic let's say#what gives someone the right to tear someone else's blanket away because they believe it's more truthful to stand in the cold?
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someone really struggling with something is NOT the same as someone being fully unable to do something, and saying as much is not oppression olympics, it's just a statement of fact.
if that statement feels invalidating to you, please ask yourself why.
just because someone needs more accomodations than you doesn't mean you are any LESS disabled, it just means that different people are going to have different needs, and that's ok!
#this is not a discourse post. this is a ''please god listen to what other disabled people have to say'' post.#sick of ppl throwing a tantrum any time someone who's severely disabled mentions the fact that many things are much harder if not impossible#cedar speaks#cripple punk#crip punk#cpunk#physical disability
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this is the iconic dinosaur horror jurassic park wishes it was
#so there's this person on twitter who is like an infamous drama starter and got a whole forum shut down once#and they wrote this (different) book that's one of the greatest so bad it's good things i've ever read#a few great things that happen in that:#characters get in a car crash and flee on foot. later it's casually mentioned one character had both her legs amputated 'due to fractures'#the character pretending to be american by wearing maga hats that have spy gear built into them#the spy gear in question is an alarm that blares if someone lies in their vicinity#'stuff protocol ' said the queen. 'i'm getting hammered tonight'#the chapter where the prime minister is trying to watch the news so she keeps wandering into bars and tv shops and getting kicked out#the dragon that's casually described as 'about the size of 1000 elephants'#the dragon that's a 'dog dragon hybrid with a chihuahua body and a giant dragon head'#the dragon that's owner punched it in the face and only lets people approach if they 'do the iconic royal wave'#the characters being described as 'the short one' 'the guy with the beard' etc#but there being a lengthy detailed description of the characters in harry potter#'apparently a dragon had burnt essex to cinders in a matter of minutes'#anyways i found out they also wrote (a political parody of indiana jones???) for this book of kids short stories years ago#and you know. we needed to know#so it took me like 4 months to track this precious lost media down#which was very worth it because it turns out it's full of many other iconic gems like CELLAR HELL by Elizabeth Elgie (12)
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THE GLORIA SCOTT - part 2, and a follow up to my comic for the first half of this scene! thanks sm to @crashingmeteorz for allowing me to source validation for my whimsical cosmic approach to this moment <3
#sherlock & co#sherlock and co#i had such a distinct and vivid image for this scene in my mind when i first considered drawing it#but i was worried people might find it. too weird?? but . i dont want to draw 13 pages of two men lying on a bed#so heres my heavy visual metaphor for the ways in which i think john and sherlock are trying to connect with each other in this scene#i hope it makes sense!#i have so many feelings about this scene i cant put it into words so it had to be a comic instead#another note i was already working on this when joff's floorplan released and i didnt want to reshuffle the entire composition to conform#wouldnt have worked#but future comics will take the canon floorplan into account#uhmm#oh yeah also wanted to mention: i took inspiration from Space Boy the webcomic. so. read that if u vibe with this kind of storytelling#another thing: sleep well by electric president - tracks 4 5 and 6#patsart
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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]
#boothill#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr incorrect quotes#hsr memes#honkai star rail memes#hsr meme#honkai star rail meme#hsr textpost#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#hsr spoilers#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them#still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving#anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord#i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case!#i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now#i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post#but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well)#speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest#i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end#he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops#i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He.#also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak#anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now
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Finders Keepers warm up sketches b4 I start designing some character stuff
I missed themm
The DCAs arms/hands keep breaking because of how much they move and do silly acrobatics, pairing that with some leftover water+fire damage, it is one of the things that Y/N has to repair often;
New compatible parts are hard to find + expensive (considering how old the DCAs model is), so Y/N normally has to go to old faztech electronic trash dumps to find something that might work, which is usually pieces of other similar-looking Attendants from some old FAZCO animatronic line. You really hope sun and moon don't know about this, or else things will get awkward
#can I lore dump in the tags b4 my motivation for it runs out?#in this au FAZCO grew in the market and started to create animatronics for other needs#Entertainment. housecare. childcare. minor maintenance. repetitive jobs#ofc that the BEST animatronics stayed with fazco for their restaurant/pizzeria franchises#but faztech was basically everywhere now#like they probably had disney or google levels of growth#Anyways for lore reasons that i will still mention later#these faztech electronic trash wastes are certainly common#not only due to planned obsolescence but something else THAT I CANNOT MENTION RN#anyways yes there was a moment that there WERE many DCA looking walking around#but now like. half of them are in these trash dumps#we hate capitalism here 💛 fuck fazco megacorp arc#dca posting#mars artz#dca#dca au#dca sun#sun#fnaf au#y/n#dca x y/n#sun x y/n#finders keepers au
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Forgot to post this Xd
Uhhh yeah! Context of the thing on the left!
(Idk man, Phil is probably saying something silly about Tech and Tech is embarrassed and yeah, cute interaction I think)
(I think that in my sick little mind they’re trying to show they’re not a threat because they did take over the world once—)
/
Se me olvidó compartir esto Xd
Oh, y el contexto de lo que está en la izquierda!
(Neta ni tengo la menor idea, Phil está avergonzando a Tech como una mamá compartiendo cosas vergonzosas de su hijo a una amiga, y pues sí, solo una interacción graciosa)
(Creo que hice esta interacción pq dentro mi cerebrito enfermo querían enseñar que no son una amenaza ya que han conquistado el mundo una vez—)
#philza#philza minecraft#chayanne the egg#philza qsmp#qsmp chayanne#sonic art style#technoblade#technoblade fanart#technoblade and philza#technoblade mcyt#philza mcyt#qsmp philza#sonic#sonicsona#sonic style#context what context#i have so many wips#I think I’ll dump them some other time#mcyt fanart#mcyt#digital art#antartic empire mention#oh yeah sonic is here#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fanart#sonic au#sonic chao
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