#mans the same height as me im not flexible enough to kick him in the chest tbh

[bcbryar]

Gonna buy a new pair of hiking boots and the first thing I'm doing is kicking Joel square in the chest. New boots not soft and worn-in yet, profile still fully intact. Kick him just to hear his wheeze as he gets winded and to watch his stumble back. Make sure to strike with the heel. Kick him in the stomach while he's reaching to clutch at his chest, make him double over, make him throw up. He'll cough so pathetically, it's irresistibly.

[mag200]

here u go

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

uh i tend to either doubt the existence of everyone including myself, or doubt my own existence but not everyone else’s

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

like 1 or 2 i live for the night bicth

3. The person you would never want to meet?

this is hard because even people i truly hate i would want to meet so i can fight them. so maybe jrr tolkien bc my expectations are probably too high and meeting him would be like “oh right ur a just a real and regular person that existed righto”

4. What is your favorite word?

probably “fuck” lets be real it’s just so flexible

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

i have been asking myself this question my entire life and i cannot yet answer with certainty but i rlly relate to swamp maples

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

“damn im good at cutting my hair” (i chopped my bangs last night)

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a feminist tee shirt my cousin’s girlfriend made

8. What do you label yourself as?

a goth bitch. a gay motherfucker. a sleepy boi.

9. Bright room or dark room?

uhh i like a lot of natural light, i don’t have blinds on my windows so it can get bright but the best is early morning or evening when its pretty dark out and i have my string lights turned on. so i guess low-to-neutral lighting.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

sleeping lol.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

18 was reeeaal good but i’m gonna be 21 next and i am looking forward to that i think it will be a fun time

12. Who told you they loved you last?

my dad or my stepmom like yesterday probably

13. Your worst enemy?

not to be an edgelord but. my own brain probably.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

usually a pretty nature picture bc im a basic bitch, rn its this

15. Do you like someone?

um i like taylor swift

16. The last song you listened to?

the 10 hour version of “weightless” by marconi union (its my background music for nanowrimo)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

hahah um idk if i can say this without the fbi showing up

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

no one in particular in this exact moment but. if a nazi shows up.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

im uh not comfortable with this concept

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

idk maybe my eyes i like my face a lot but i also like my arms a lot but also my hairy legs? beautiful.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

first of all it would be pretty lit bc i’m genderfluid and i’d have a great time looking physically masc. so ideally i’d have long hair and a beard and i would just go for a hike and write and be beautiful.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

i dont have anything thats a secret to everyone but like most people dont know that i used to snowboard all the time and was real fuckin good at it

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

that theres a monster in the toilet thats going to reach up and grab me while im peeing

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

alfalfa sprouts, sharp cheddar cheese, hummus, cucumbers, spicy mustard, turkey, and figs on rye bread

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

tattoo definitely

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

ICELAND

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

i literally have no idea what i like so. i would pass the offer on to my dad he is much wiser in the lore of alcoholic beverages than i am.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

no TERFs.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

mother of fuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

uh my journals

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

jesus christ. um. no im not getting into this shit here tbh i didnt read all these questions before reblogging this thing sorry.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

iceland here i come.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

of course Death is a cool entity you dont have to tell me that. anyway i have not yet lost someone in my family to death that i was super close to so. i’d bring back carrie fisher.

34. What was your last dream about?

i was in a deep crater trying to climb out to look beyond the rocks... i knew the ocean was supposed to be there and i was supposed to be able to see japan from there if i could climb up?? but when i got to the top and looked out, the ocean was gone and a barren landscape lay before me, images sliding into place like a powerpoint presentation superimposed on the sky of the apocalypse that had struck during my exile, the art and culture that was lost, the demise of the world. i climbed back down to chill in the bottom of my crater.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

yes i am a good.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yeah only three times i think but all within the same year.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

hell yeah

38. What is the color of your socks?

not wearing any right now but the last pair i was wearing are orange, brown, and tan

39. What type of music do you like?

uhh lots of kinds but my top 3 are taylor swift, my chemical romance, and hayley kiyoko

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises but if i lived on the west coast and could watch the sunset on the water i might prefer that

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

i dont care about sports teams buddy

43. Do you have any scars?

yeah i have a bunch from just playing and doing weird shit in the woods and a lot from picking at bug bites for too long, but i also have a couple self-harm scars from a while back

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

idk exactly but im going back to school soon for environmental science and i’d love to do anything that lets me be outside and work with plants or animals

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i’d either be born DMAB or have a brain that isn’t so goddamn forgetful

46. Are you reliable?

u mm idk i try to be but i am not for everyone

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

what do u regret not doing

48. Do you hold grudges?

i do but very selectively, only for like one or two people

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

um idk maybe i could combine goats and turkey vultures into some kind of goat/dragon/bird of prey. think of the mayhem.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i genuinely cannot remember sorry. but it was probably in an online forum in 2007 during the height of random humor.

51. Are you a good liar?

uhhh doubtful but i used to think i was good lol

52. How long could you go without talking?

i’ve gone a couple days without talking before and im sure i could go much longer, maybe months or years even altho it would not be healthy for me.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

junior year when i thought i knew how to cut my own hair (but i really didn’t) and i wanted to look like a knockoff brand Skins character (and i really did). that wasn’t rlly good but it was fun and i dont regret it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

nah im not really a cake person

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i can sometimes do a british accent which i’ve been told is convincing to american ears but is probably very overdone. i can’t speak other accents but my brain gets stuck thinking in scottish or like a cowboy accent from old westerns a lot of the time.

56. What do you like on your toast?

lots of stuff depending on my mood but my fav is a runny egg where the bread can soak up all the yolk.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

eleven from stranger things

58. What would be you dream car?

i rlly rlly miss my old car that had to be junked almost a year ago. i don’t remember what kind it actually was but it was from the 80s and was a faded baby blue and small and boxy and the seats still smelled like cigars. any car from that time period but with a modern stereo + aux cord is the dream. or a big lesbian pickup truck like what bella has in twilight but with decent gas mileage. the dream.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

yes but only if im home alone. what i do most in the shower is have imaginary conversations or pretend that i’ve been trekking through middle earth for four months without bathing and this is the first opportunity i’ve had to clean myself and i enjoy the shit out of it. or i pretend i’m a dragon.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yeah dude definitely

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

no ive done that like maybe twice ever

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

R its just so good

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons but i fuckgin love dinosaurs dude

64. What do you think about babies?

i’m a little awkward/insecure around them but i feel deeply protective when i hold one and in general i think theyre pretty awesome

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

hah motherfucker u forgot to ask me one

[taiey]

The continuing adventures of “taiey writes liveblogs that probably only make sense with a transcript of the movie to line it up with”.

no peter please don't go after him

he really does get the most dramatic lines—ooh, green reflection in the window!

wow, that's. She really does ask for validation a lot of times

:((( this whole goblin kit thing is really elaborate? like, i thought you would've failed science. there is mechanical engineering. and chemical. for bombs.

That's a really, really stable spider web that is also flexible enough to support them without clinging, at that angle

[obligatory evil meteor mention]

Surprisingly evil-looking mail delivery guy! Uuunless you're her dad and you live here or. Oh, okay.

Oh, May.

But, like, no pressure or anything.

!!! her ring.

ahh evil evil scooter. of evil.

Harry this is not a good way to have an honest conversation. Stop punching your friend. No, I don't care that you're in costume, he's not, that makes it—DON'T STAB HIM!

I guess by the time your friend is yelling at you about his father, while wearing his green goblin costume and standing on his green goblin scooty-fly, it is acceptable to tell your friend his father was the green goblin, despite said father's dying request.

Dude! Attempts at vengeance on your best friend for murder of your father are NOT an excuse for massive property damage! I hope you pay for the repairs OH AND ALSO did no one get hurt by that massive shower of bricks onto a busy street??

"I'm still here! And now I have a lightsaber!"

oh no what if your new superpowers don't cover falling from heights? (I'm sure they do, I know he dies at the end of the movie.)

I wonder, again, if Peter took him out of the goblin costume first. like. awkward.

Wait, what? I thought when that guy jumped/fell out a window he died.

There's marshland in New York? With a terribly ill-secured particle physics laboratory?

OH MY GOODNESS YOU GUYS, YOU'RE TERRIBLE! you can't even check how much mass is in the reactor? How many birds with superpowers does New York have now?

Also awkward: imagine if those cops had gotten there slightly differently and fallen into the spinny thing toooo...

Go. See. Him. and hope maybe he doesn't remember you're spiderman if he doesn't remember you saved his liiiffffe  (oh, good.)

Hey, Peter, you maybe want to. idk. Tell MJ. Some relevant facts, about her friends and his father and.

yikes that's some horrifying sand movement. like. yeeesh no.

Oh... your hand cannot pick up your daughter's locket. :( —yes! go hand, reformed hand! Woohoo! :D

Hey, nice green-ing, sand. Good job. Stripy and everything.

Yeah dude no. Don't start talking about spidey now. The other stuff was kinda okay but not, well.

Okay so when there's a large metal beam swinging about nearby your window... maybe... not? with the walking towards it?

Man, what is wrong with this crane?

you did not pick a good guy to insult peter parker to, whatsyaname. eddy. Ed. idk.

“YOU TELL MY WIFE thank you.” heh. Slight, teeny, tiny, character development, I love.

He didn't see you there, I didn't see you with a camera. Where'd you get the camera from, Pete?

Ed. Shut up. He's paying you $50 for a front page shot, he does not value anything about you.

Like, that could be a conflict for Peter, ‘i could stage that and get a steady job’ buut I already know the plot of this movie and can kinda guess how Edward gets that shot.

That is an excellent Stan Lee cameo.

...how much... exactly... has harry lost of his memory... if he doesn't know he has money...

SUPER EVIL REFLEXES!!

...oh, Mary Jane.

...oh no don't you be jealous.

This'd be a really awkward parade thing if he decided to not in faaact show up oh no. Oh, no. Oh, man.

Wow, that sure is a conveniently placed "Sand & Stone" truck. Where'd you get that shovel?

Wow, bullets work surprisingly well considering he's made. of sand.

[obligatory note of happiness about the MJ&Harry bit. and. honesty.]

dude put yer mask back on

ehhhh look the thing about the humble never-asks-to-be-thanked thing is that it doesn't work when. this.

Oh my goodness he asks her? He suggests it?? Peter, no!

"No, Spider Man, no!" I relate to this kid.

like, i've seen gifs ofit, that shekissed him but i did not realise he aSKS HER TO

Yeah, same, Mary Jane!

haha but maybe this time mary jane won't be kidnapped

The sand is now driving a truck. Poorly.

Yeeeesh no, stop, no, ~sheriff~? You’re not.

tbh what if you just. Let him take the money. So much property damage going on here. So very much.

WHAT IF YOU DIDN'T KISS SOMEONE. WHILE PREPARING TO PROPOSE TO SOMEONE ELSE. WHAT. IF.

This guy... is gonna end up bringing you that ring at the worst possible moment during your inevitable argument. Isn't he. Isn't he, Peter.

You could also try telling him you got fired, MJ. He knows that feeling! Kind of.

...not that you should say that, Peter. 'cause it's kind of only kinda.

how have you not noticed how terribly your spider man/actress analogies go over. every single time.

Like in a literary sense it's kinda cool, there are parallels between their experiences, kinda... BUT NOT RIGHT nooow

shhuuuttt uppp (this is all like 5 seconds, i just keep. pausing.)

Hey, what could make Mary Jane feel worse right now? ENTER GWEN STACY.

ENTER GWEN STACY TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE KISSED SPIDERMAN

“Who kisses Spiderman?? :D” "Me. Most days. When I'm not mad at him for beiNG TERRIBLE."

I. I'm not sure. like. what the point of that question is. There is no good answer.

No. He did not, MJ. He had idea how it would make you feel, because BOY I DUNNO.

um. usher guy. no. SHE JUST LEFT, WHY WOULD YOU SEND THE CHAMpagne in anyway, whyy

Beep!

Oh, hey! I was right! That other guy did die, probably ...aand it wasn't your fault. technically.

We chased down the wrong guy?

Pfff.

Yeah so I think so far he really hasn't killed anyone. Not counting Norman or Ock on technicalities.

Does he feel guilty? About you or about... okay, don't say "I don't need you" to Mary Jane Watson. That's a bad idea.

The evil ooze has been hanging out in your bedroom for ?? weeks and it's only now that it attacks you? infects. thing.

"Hey, this was a lot quicker than last time I made a new costume."

Spiderman is just, like, an accepted traffic hazard by now, right?

Oh, I'm so glad he's being suspicious of the black goop.

...you're not a biologist, but you can recognise a symbiote on a molecular level in minutes when it's AN ALIEN.

dude please realise you look super evil now. even to —haha like you shouldn't smash people's cameras but also haha

"Little did Spiderman know, I have TWO cameras!"

OK I'll admit the black is legitimately good for hiding on dark ceilings

TRAIN ASSISTED WEB KICK!

oh gosh the body horror from this sand thing—hope that pipe wasn't important--ooh, water works.

...also hope this large tank of pressurised water isn't important and won't flood annnything else.

EVIL HAIR-PULLING-DOWN

...that's... kinda a valid point? but. I mean sure, he should fix the door, probably, just not being polite

Hey, Peter, you made a good decision! Nice! AND STAY OFF.

Aunt May isn't having any of this "murder can be good" stuff.

revenge == the symbiote ??

Waitress/Singer is a job? ...also maybe you should tell your boyfriend about thi—Harry paints? Cool!

(Does Harry know that MJ's dating Peter?)

Yell at people and they offer you oranges?

Hee Ursula! :D

He also cooks! And they dance!

M. J. Do not. Noooooo whyy

oh no. noo. different no. :((( no. Please, Harry. Keep your eyes off 'the ball' and ahhh—hey, there's that scene that wasn't in the VHS version.

Harry?? This is like 20% of the reason you wear a mask, dude!

whiiiplaaash oh my goodness ahh poor Mary Jane.

:((( see this is the kind of quality anguish you can get when you don't just discriminately kidnap, other supervillains take note

pete. pete. pe ter par ker. "I'm breaking up with you" is not. in fact. a good segue to "Let's get married"

Took them three movies but they finally made acting plot relevant. It's not! that hard!

AND THEN. YOU GO BACK TO PETER. AND PRETEND TO BE HIS AMNESIAC BEST FRIEND oh my goodness and then you use her omitive lie about the shoW AND THEN WE GO FULL SM1

“but. but she broke up with *you*, because she was in love with *me*. !!”

what. Why are. you winking?

Bright green coffee sign!

nooo. emotional anguish---->TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES

Right, Harry, overall—because I mean high marks for ingenuity and not-kidnapping, but—you're really lacking on the follow through here, like for keeping up the act. And wow that is a lot alcohol in front of you.

Harry please notice the ominous black spidey suit. Please. Soon.

harry im not sure you've noticed but you have blades. on. ur arm.

Takes symbiote!Pete to point out the obvious: that Norman.didn't.deserve you.

Kinda funny how after all that the picture in question is not, in fact, of Peter actually doing anything wrong.

OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S PHOTOSHOPPED? IT'S not even actually symby-spidey?

Yeah, no, Ed. I can forgive a lot of things. But reposts with the watermarks edited out? Not that.

hahahah

Symby-Pete likes Ursula's food?   . . .ah

*hair flick*

water doesn't kill him forever. :o

OH MAN PETER NO.

symbiote-Pete spends money recklessly.

Oh man, Gwen is so nice.

...alien meteor ooze teaches you to play jazz piano? ...and dance?

blonde hair and the black headband and their clothes and his hair and her earrings... it's a Look.

GWEN STACY IS SO NICE! ("That was all for her? I'm so sorry.")

NO.

get. out.

geddoouutt

"Who are you?" "Well, Mary Jane, I reckon I'm the exact feeling of a church spire silhouetted against the storm clouds, as lightning crashes in the background."

okay so eddy, brocky, rock boy. don't pray to God to kill people. Don't... don't do that.

How. Exactly. Do you recognise the face of a guy you barely know, four floors up, while he's tearing an alien ooze suit off his skin.

oh no his hair's still black

Continuing adventures of That Awful Door.

I hope Aunt May knows he's Spider man, because otherwise there is just waaay too much backstory to explain here.

I think she also wants him to keep the ring so she doesn't have to wear it.

“Spiderman... didn't have those teeth last time... right?”

Maybe not? with the watching her through her window? Also considering last time your saw her in person you hit her maybe not do that first part in person, perhaps.

"On Broad-way."

...you also locked the normal one away? Or, no, that was earlier this night. You just were using the evil one, and stowed that away. ok. gotcha.

Harry! Harry, you could do. a good. ...oh no. peter don't come also what happened to his face??

:(((

OH MAN. BERNARD! i don't think this is gonna work. but. thank you. for. saying that. [it worked!:D]

what happened to your face do you still have superpowers if you're not healing.

It's the real spiderman! He stopped in front of an american flag for a sec!

this reporter overuses the word 'seemed'

Brick!

you're stiiilll fallling

Listen MJ most of the webbing is really strong, you can actually move along it and even if you fall through one level you've got a decent chance of catching the next.

this reporter is so alarmist. and that one.

Goblin bomb!

"I'm not here for you~"

Burn it & smash it! :D

That kid is awesome! ("Film's extra.")

or. you could. shoot web. and not. jump. And maybe get her down somehow? Ground level would be... safer... lotta floors, elevators proabably not working...

why did that work?

ohh. noise.

oh... kay...

[tragic backstories make everything better]

i f o r g i v e y o u .. ..

i like to think he becomes also a superhero. subtler. smaller. never quite noticed, but. bit by bit.

why in the world is gwen at harry's funeral

(mj you do in fact have a job. and. a song to finish singing. um. but anyway)

"Girl at the final battle" yes. Her. Excellent.

The credit songs this time are so... gentle...

(Balance of probabilities Harry died intestate but maybe he drew up a will at some point when he liked Peter and didn’t revoke it and then they can go help Marko’s daughter, perhaps? Maybe.)