#mans got thrown around like a bowling ball in this episode

[lilywily143]

Never thought I would try this but.

Live blog of new episode!!

Last few seconds!!

Pretty Intro of course

Prom in 3071!? Long time into future

Hologram things it seems are around

Glasses girl seems to be chased by it, no wait it's Doll hurting robo's now!! I knew she could've been a murder drone with that program revealed last episode but sheesh.

Also reflection of victim in the clevor knife thrown was awesome

bugs stomped

crossing out names with prom as the title

ooof her parents are surrounded in bugs.... I think..

oh no Uzi! Guilt: Active... What a setting

"Thank you for being my friend" drawing from the drone friend she just hurt last episode. my heart

hah!! Her non stop groan all day even to a ball in the face, but is out of it went knocked by a brat.

also, that guy she took the consicnese over still has a fire head went she burnt it last flashback.

normal school for Uzi again it seems but all that program tech makes her go for it again. Oh her dad took her evidence stuff

She mad about it.

Agrument...

Nonono don't stop her from seeing N!!

Oh this is great...Dad is a chaparaone.. Popular girls shall force her to be popular .. Which includes Doll. sooo not great

so many dead human bodies..

Oh N is sad. V don't do this.

in a fancy dress Prom murder TM. Of course

holo spooky snake crab J??? Oh N

How is V sounding nicer now after the murder talk?? Oh she has to know her origins but not N

back to girls

I love Doll's voice. Didn't get that last episodes

Uzi notice wierd amount of bugs

How is Lizzy being kinda nice yet bratty??

Oh ho Doll is creepy

N is so nice

Oh V really got his head gone like the piolt and like how Uzi done that

"What's best for you even if you hate me for it." V. WHat Do YoU KnoW and how Are hYOu being DecNst?? JNfljewflakn

Prom dress Uzi!! And her weird program thing refered to by her as robo Satan !!

oh no. oil or actual blood?? So red

Oh back to repaired N. Get the suit!! "No time!" oh come on.. "Dapper in" !!yes!! fancy N shall come

bathtub of blood I think with robo parts

ooo Uzi found a vent!

"As they say in Russian. whoops I should've predicted that someone could escape out of a vent shaft using discarded mirrors as stairs." Really Doll? shes great

Go uzi go Uzi!! Oh N again!! They found each other!!

reconnect plz

Yes!! "Dapper Buddies" yes N. And Uzi Blush at her inviting N

ooo dance finally. Also, a student did a classic robot dance before a girl gave a smack to his head

"PUNCH BOWL decoraction only. You will super die." Ooo like the piolt's "dont wash your hands. Your a robot dummy"

THAD!!! BEST MOVES!! And did he wink at some boy robot? I can't tell

Oh no dad can't find Uzi at prom

"entire prom court MISTERIOSLY disappeared-" Nice Liz. Love the pink she has thou

and crap there's V. She stellar

oh no did V really somehow speand time with Liz long enough to convince her that she didn't wanna murder off screan? That's kinda sad for Liz..

oh she stopped her near attack becuase she was appinted queen of prom.

Doll. Why do you have a evil laugh?

"I'll get my dad to DOCK UR FRICKED GRAADES!!" So Liz is a teacher daughter

it is nice the audience is giving V compliments. SHe might not be used to that.

"Clap harder losers!!"

oh dad tried to leave but Doll powers..

"Not the doors..." Of course he'd say that. Mr. Cahl Doors

"I can kill everyone after??" aww V

Oh there is a fucking red x where V is, Doll seems to have it set up, and Liz is having second thoughts about the plan even with her knowing grin to Doll a bit ago. JHAFSkldbklf

Liz do something...

YES UZI AND N

"Well I'm confused" I don't blame ya Uzi

"Run, you idiot" Well at least Liz tried

Everyone is getting crushed!!

OhhhhhhHHHHHH V killed Doll's paraents!!! ok that makes sence. she was extra nuts.

Doll is taking bullets!! wait they are getting deflected

You adorable N and Uz, save the murder drone!!

Go ninja star kicks!!

door unlocked but dad is staying behind in room!!

Aww go Uzi defending her two murder buddies ^-^

but man both N AND V look shocked that Uzi lost family to their doings. Was it J and they weren't aware?

"I'm done dealing with everything alone." Happy look to N. "We move forward together or not at all!" Happy look to V. Both murderer look so happy. Go Uzi!!

AHHHHH N NOT THAT!! DON"T PUSH HER OUT OF THE WAY OF DANGER!! YOULL GET UNDER THE PROGRAM WITH THAT DAMAGE!!

AHH DAD TRIED TO RUN BACK IN BUT 180 DEGREE HEADTURNEDING DOLL STTOPED HIM NOO

Uzi still got hurt from it, and she JUST TOOK A KINFE THROUGH THE PALM!!So that's what that season 1 trailer thing was refering too

Slow walk to Doll

Aww the two drone arent under the program!

"Thank you, Lizzy!" Both of them -> "Shut up, loser" hhh so mean to N. He was just happy she had his arm..

Oooo the music & lights got epic with a stab to the dj controls

Pretty fight in prom dresses!!

N is Back to fight and of course "QUIT SAVING ME!!"

They are dance fighting, did the same missle shot twirl last episode, and grazed Doll's hair with a knife!! AHHH

explosin

Suh a short sweet moment before, "OKAY YOUR TURN"

N GOT BODY SLAMMED WITH A DECORATED TABLE!!

everything flying cus Doll

ooo she lost a bracelet with a similar look to N's poilt medalian, kick to the face, and a stab in the back of the head from V near the end! Go team!

wait the brackelt had a key thing

ah they found the room with the bugs over bodies and V said 'heh heh, nice'

so many bugs still

V is fucking eating a arm from the scene the three of them discovered!!! Oh she's so hilarious and wonderful!

"what was the point of a worker drone killing over worker droens" hmmm I don't know yet

something under a blanket!

wait the actual trailer scene where Uzi stares at oil then we focus on her mouth like she wanna lick it like a murder drone! but then blanket is off! two bodies of family

"V, u kinda suck." Go N

YEVA was the mom and fuck Doll is back and the screen went dark but yes Uzi finally used he own weird powers like Doll's for herself!! Is purple instead of Doll's red

"i'm sorry for you" wait, are the powers a curse for Doll?

Uzi's chocker? Why'd we focus on that?

Now Doll is making a helping offer??

Why is Doll looking like a hologram in red instead of J's blue ones?

SHe exploded???

"UGH I HATE IT HERE" I don't blame you Uzi

okay we are outside and we are with, I think a rando.

"Ah. That's where i left my excuse to be out here" his own glasses... goofy

WE GOT ANOTHER LANDING POD FROM EARTH I THINK!! MORE MURDER DRONES ARE HERE I THINK!!

A teddy bear flew across the screen... why

Woah rando killed by a REALLY human looking thing and their sword. It might actually be a human in a suit..

TESSA CERTIFIED TECHNICIAN is her nametag

cool swordOH J IS BACK IN FULL HEALTH

from J tossed to human thing, Keys with a moon keychain decoration

and the credits....

[not-equippedforthis]

in loving memory of ronaldo's broken back

[sopwithwhump]

Something Else is Taking Over

Hey y’all I overcame some writer’s block with some Welcome to Night Vale whump (just discovered the podcast, loving it! It has whumptential >:3) Cecil is experiencing strange blackouts, which lead him to waking up in different places, all beat up. Carlos cleans him up after he gets quite hurt from one such episode. Tw: possession 

It first occurred to Cecil that something was amiss when he suddenly found himself in the diner. Except, it was the daytime. The diner was only open at night. Except, he was on the floor. Bleeding. The glass door was broken, a Cecil-shaped hole smashed into it.

           He looked around. How the hell? It seemed that he was just at the grocery store, purchasing some wheat-free bread. Everything went black, for just a brief moment, and here he was.

           Still attempting to process what happened, he slowly got up, then snatched some napkins from the nearest booth and pressed them to his bleeding arm. He then quietly opened the door and ran out, hoping he wouldn’t have to explain his break-and-enter to the sheriff’s secret police.

           His car was out in the parking lot. The purple Volkswagen’s driver door was open and the keys were still in the ignition, although it was not running. Cecil was left with many questions. Usually he did not entertain questions, because he would go insane if he tried to search for answers to every question his Night Vale life created. He was conditioned to accept the strangeness of his town, to be fond of it even. But never had he been buying bread and then suddenly transported into a diner, seemingly having to have broken in to the place.

           He carried on with his duties of the day. Attending a press conference on the new playground adjacent to the dog park, and how no children are allowed to play on it, visiting Carlos to see what he had discovered about Night Vale today, and going out into the sand wastes to observe the giant sand snake and the blue helicopters circling above.

           When the evening came, Cecil sat in his recording booth. He flipped a switch, which caused the ‘ON AIR’ sign to illuminate. The broadcast then began.

           “A man in a black coat means misfortune. A man not wearing a black coat also means misfortune. You are not safe. Welcome to-”

           He blacked out. Then, a brief vision of the front of city hall. Then black again. After that, Cecil suddenly shook awake on the grimy space-themed carpet of the arcade in the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex.

           “Hey! Cecil! You alright?” A middle-aged man in a bowling shirt called as he ran over, carrying a red bag with a white cross.

           “Teddy? Oh… my head… my nose…”

           “Don’t move, Cecil. So… what happened to him?” said Teddy Williams, looking up at two boys who stood nearby.

           The first boy looked up at Dr. Williams nervously. “Well… you see… you were probably in the back… when he went totally berserk! He ran across the nice lanes, sir! And then he ran into the arcade-”

           The second boy slapped him. “Get to the point. You threw a five-pin bowling ball at his head. Hit him right in the face. That’s why his nose is bleeding!”

           “Dr. Williams, this isn’t true! I’m not the one who threw the bowling ball, Jimmy is!”

           “I don’t care who threw the ball, get outta my bowling alley!” snapped Teddy Williams. “Balls are not to be taken out of the lane area, nor thrown at people! Get out!” The two boys quickly exited the premises as Teddy kneeled in front of Cecil.

           “Cecil? You alright, buddy?” He took a penlight and shined it in Cecil’s eyes.

           “Bowling ball?” said Cecil, “Oww. Listen Teddy… I don’t know how I got here…”

           “I was listening to your broadcast. You got cut off. Then there were… a lot of crashing sounds. Then dead air. Soon enough someone comes running to me about a man trying to crawl into the pin retrieval area of lane ten. I was ready with my broom to chase the intruder when someone again came to my office to tell me that the ‘radio guy’ got hit in the head with a bowling ball. So I put the broom down and brought my medical kit instead.”

           “That… what? I… I blacked out, Teddy… I was running around like a madman? Owww… that explains the pain throbbing through my whole head. Maybe that kid was right to hit me with a bowling ball.”

           “I don’t know, I didn’t see. That’s not important right now Cecil, what’s important is getting you fixed up. Pupil response is fine, your brain didn’t get scrambled. Your nose needs some fixing, though. Come to my office.” Teddy helped Cecil up and gave him some gauze to hold to his face.

           “Sit down… lemme see here…” said Teddy as he took his light and examined Cecil’s nose. “Swollen like a balloon. I… think we should wait for the swelling to go down so the damage can be seen easier. Plus, this is a bowling alley, not a medical facility. Tough luck, Cecil. Just put some ice on it and see someone in a day or two.”

           “Thanks, Teddy…” said Cecil, sulking out of the office. Teddy tossed him a cold pack.

           “Keep it. I… hope you’ll be alright, Cecil.”

           Cecil spent the rest of the evening laying around in pain, holding ice to his face. He eventually went to bed in an attempt to get some rest. These blackouts had left him tired and achy for some reason. Maybe I should get an appointment with the doctor. Or the jam salesman, perhaps, he thought before going to sleep.

           Cecil’s morning went as normally as normal could be. The shrill cries of various sand-monsters in his backyard woke him up at the crack of dawn. After chasing them off his property with his broom, he kneeled at the blood stone circle in his kitchen, still wearing his purple collared pyjamas, to begin the day with a short devotional.

           And that’s when he blacked out once again. This time he caught a glimpse of the outside of the  library, and then the interior of the Arby’s. After another period of sensing nothing but void, he awakened on a cold linoleum floor. In pain. A lot of pain.

           “Cecil! Oh god… it’s you! How is it you? What? I…” he heard the voice of Carlos say. Cecil grimaced and groaned in pain as Carlos tried his best to gently roll him over. “Cecil… you just… smashed through the window… but… you didn’t look like you. Your eyes… they were all white. You… you could float… oh man… there’s blood everywhere…”

           “C-Carlos?” Cecil groaned, looking up at his boyfriend, “Carlos… w-what are you implying? Augh… it hurts… help me…”

           “Whatever. We’ll address that later. Let’s just… get you cleaned up.” He gently lifted Cecil in his arms, grimacing when Cecil did from the pain. He made his way back into the lab, cleared off the top of a lab bench, and laid Cecil on it.

           “Hang in there, Cecil…” said Carlos as he frantically gathered medical supplies, “I’m not a doctor, but I’ve got enough knowledge in advanced first aid…” he rummaged through a large first aid kit and laid out bandages, antiseptic, a pair of forceps, a cold pack, and many more items. He folded up an extra lab coat and placed it behind Cecil’s head, then proceeded to put on some blue medical gloves.

           “Alright, Cecil, let’s just have a look…” he said in a calm, yet concerned voice, “glass… some much glass, oh Cecil…” Cecil had suffered a large number of cuts from smashing through the window and whatever else he did before ending up here, many with glass embedded in the wound. As Carlos continued assessing his boyfriend’s condition, he noticed that Cecil’s left arm was very swollen. He gently brought Cecil’s arm over, which caused Cecil to flinch.

           “Sorry... just hold still, I gotta feel this… I’m worried it’s broken…” Carlos felt the injured arm until Cecil couldn’t help but convulse in pain.

           “I’m not sure if that’s broken or not… oh dear… but your nose does seem broken, however. Ok, we’ll deal with bones later… I need to take care of the bleeding… you okay, Cecil?”

           “H-hanging in there, Carlos…” he whimpered. Carlos looked a Cecil with concern and compassion before getting the gauze and other supplies ready. After sterilizing the forceps, he’s decided to start with removing a larger shard of glass.

“Okay, Cecil... this is going to hurt...” he said, taking Cecil’s right arm. He picked up the forceps. “Hold still... deep breath...” Cecil followed that instruction, drawing air in and holding it as Carlos swiftly worked the piece of glass out of the wound. After dropping it aside on a metal tray, he quickly applied pressure to the cut.

“Okay… two more. These ones aren’t as big.” He quickly removed the next two pieces of glass and worked to get the bleeding under control. Cecil whimpered.

“Hey, deep breaths. I know it hurts. I’m going to get you to the hospital after I clean and bandage the worst of these cuts, okay?” Carlos put his hand on Cecil’s chest. “Breathe.”

Cecil nodded and followed the instruction to take a deep breath through the pain. It hurt quite a lot. Everywhere. His arms, his head, his legs, everything. As Carlos kept one comforting hand on Cecil’s chest, he used the other to gather some gauze. He took it away to soak the cotton in antiseptic.

“This will sting, hold still…” Carlos gently cleaned the wounds, pausing whenever Cecil winced or made a sound of discomfort. Eventually, he had gently cleaned all the cuts he could see and had covered them.

“Okay, you did really good… I’ll just put that arm in a sling and we’ll get you to the hospital. Come on, I’ll help you down from there.” Carlos proceeded to help Cecil sit up, then move to a stool next to the lab bench.

“I’ll just take your arm… now Cecil… I just want to know… what’s happening to you?”

“I started blacking out and waking up in different- ouch! -places,” Cecil explained, flinching when Carlos moved his arm the wrong way. “Sometimes catching glimpses of random locations… I always seem to be floating. And… at a high speed…”

Carlos gently tied up the injured arm in the sling. “Yeah… yeah you were. Flying, I mean. Your eyes… they were all white… no pupils. It took me a second to realize it was you… but… not you. You scared me. Cecil… I don’t think I even have to ask, but are cases of… possession common here?”

“It happens, for sure,” said Cecil, “but- ah! Easy there! I keep myself protected with blood stone rituals and whatever… oh no…”

“Can whatever is possessing you be driven out? Like… is there a cure?”

“Depends on the thing, I guess…”

“Alright. Maybe the doctors at the hospital know more than I do. But we gotta stop whatever this thing is from just… completely wrecking your body.”

Cecil nodded. “But I mean… without a host, wouldn’t it die? Or possess someone else?”

“Cecil, don’t sympathize with whatever is possessing you, please. I’m sure they’ll kill it before it affects anyone else. Or something. I don’t exactly know how these things work yet. Let’s just get to the hospital, shall we?”

Carlos helped Cecil into the passenger seat of his car, then quickly drove off to Night Vale General Hospital. After paying a parking fee of five tears, he helped Cecil into the emergency department.

It was a busy night; they were in for a long wait. “Hour and a half, at least,” said the tired triage nurse at the desk, “take a seat.” Cecil sat down. He was shaking a little, and Carlos noticed this.

“You okay?” said Carlos, putting his hand on Cecil’s shoulder.

“Oh? Me?” Cecil then sighed. “Yeah… yeah I never liked hospitals. They’re too bright. They smell too clean. There’s too many machines. They also smell of the miasma of disease. I don’t know which is stronger.”

“Ah. Yeah, I know it can be uncomfortable. This is my kind of element, of course, working in science, but I can see how it’s unsettling to someone who works in a cozy, dark recording booth. I’m here, Cecil. Just focus on me.”

Cecil closed his eyes and nodded. He held Carlos’ hand as he settled in for the long wait.

About 15 minutes had passed when Cecil blacked out again. This blackout was very brief this time. When he woke up he was in a hospital bed. His whole body felt numb and heavy, as if he had had a couple drinks. Carlos looked into his eyes.

“Cuh… Carlos?” He groaned, “Carlos… what… happened…”

“You, uh… you had another episode. They sedated you. Fixed you up. Got rid of that demon that had taken up residence. Put it in a demon-proof jar for me to study. I’m glad you’re awake,” Carlos explained gently, “I gotcha. You’re going to be alright.”

“Thank you… Carlos…” said Cecil weakly. Carlos held on to Cecil’s limp hand.

“Don’t mention it. Now get some rest. I’ll be right here.”

[tornrose24]

Observations from the Captain Underpants interactive episode (AKA,  what do we need to keep an eye out for when making choices)

I watched the trailer a few times. Having done an interactive episode via Bandersnatch, or experienced the joys of choice based games, I kept an eye out for things for consideration and I have a few thoughts on some things regarding the trailer.

-I’m honestly not surprised Melvin is an antagonist here, but Krupp’s apparent role in the conflict was surprisingly downplayed in this trailer.

-Melvin has some sort of Transformer in the first part of the trailer, but I just noticed that CU himself is behind the boys in that same shot.

-So we have an idea of how the choice section will look like and it appears that the characters will react certain ways (especially CU) as it winds down while literally waiting for US to make the choice.

-Also, I’m not sure how exactly CU gets thrown into this, but I love the part where he just throws himself into the scene (oh CU, I don’t mind sharing the hero spot with you. ^_^)

-So I noticed this really fast, but in the shot where George is looking at the monitor with cameras around the school? Not only does it appear to be in Krupp’s office, but there’s prison bars all around the walls. I’m not sure when Krupp got those monitors but I wouldn’t be surprised if he had those for quite some time. I’m curious as to how the room got barred on the inside, but I’m guessing it’s to keep the boys away from the tree house.

-Speaking of Krupp, I’m wondering what kind of choices there will be regarding him and Melvin. After what happened in Season 3, I’m guessing its going to require a lot of caution regarding those choices since the former has proven to be quite the backstabbing liar.

-Some of the shots on the monitors are around the school, but I can’t tell if that’s a prop castle on a stage in the upper left corner. Well there appears to be a stop motion dragon involved in this special so I guess there’s a connection.

-When Harold throws Ice Cream into CU’s nose, CU’s teeth take on Krupp’s occasional ‘shark teeth’ for some reason. Also CU is wearing an earring for some reason. I could be wrong, but did Pilkey confirm that CU would like strawberry ice cream or was that really someone’s head cannon from way back when?

-Actually, my mind instantly went to PPP’s ice cream truck after watching this a third time. Is this a nod tot he film?

-Looks like time travel is involved because we see what appears to be the future that Melvinborg was from. I’m curious to see if we will see other adult versions of any of the kids or if we will see adult! George and adult!Harold if their fates were averted.

-The teachertrons reappear and they appear to be in the future too.

-There was some sort of green ray gun, but in one of the pics there was a cupcake looking gun that I SWEAR was in another episode.

-It’s hard to tell at what exact point in time this special is set in. I think Erica might get to transfer to Elitenati in the next season, so she’s still there with everyone. Unless this is right after season three.

-Speaking of which, words can’t describe how frustrated I am that we’ll have to wait for season four for a LOT longer now. Just… why?

-Ok, who the heck is the new girl that Jessica is talking with? Please tell me she’s not another Sophie.

-So one part of the trailer showed a kung fu figure and one of the promo pics shows that same figure and an option involving toilet paper and a toilet. I think the pic was just for promoting the special, but the fact that CU was close by automatically made me think “NOPE! NOPE! TOILET PAPER! NO WATER, NO WATER!”

-Looks like one pathway involves the mini golf course, but with a twist.

-Looks like one bad ending might involve the tree house sinking into the ground.

-I’m not sure if that ‘Indiana Jones’ moment is set in the past or if the boys were shrunken down and are running away from a golf ball.

-I’m almost afraid to ask what that mixing bowl contraption is for, but if it causes Krupp any kind of suffering then it’s somewhat ok.

-Why does that shot of SBB and the giant teachertron look like it was actually from season two? Are we revisiting that moment in time? Ugh, I don’t want to deal with the Meaner/obvious writer’s favorite in this special.

-CU fighting with a polar bear near water makes me nervous.

-I don’t know HOW they got the Dump statue, but bonus points for putting CU through an obvious Iron Man parody.

–Ok, that bathroom gag CU makes at the end was pretty funny.

[thatcanadianfangirl]

October Fall|Cody Christian

StoryLine: Cody and you have been dating for awhile, and you know he’s keeping a hefty secret from you. The whole weekend turns into a fall date at the end all is revealed after Cody knows there’s a threat after you. 

Warnings: If you aren’t above the age of 14 then you probably shouldn't be reading my content. Werewolves and vampires.

word count: 4.9k

---------

Randall pulled on his leash as the wind started to pick up, blowing the colourful leaves in every which direction. I tightened my jacket around me as I felt a little uneasy, as if someone was watching me. The pitter patter of my Siberian Husky’s paws had calmed me a little bit, but the feeling still lingered.

My phone dinged, echoing through the street. Fishing it out of my pocket, I instantly smiled seeing Cody’s name.

“Can’t wait to see you later X”

I smiled knowing he was busy with ‘work’, well that’s what he liked to call it anyways. He’d go hours even days without stopping by, Honestly I didn't mind it too much. He needed space to do his own thing, I respected that. It also gave me time to focus on myself and Randall.

Cody has done it since we’ve met back in high school. Now I’m in my second year of college. Sure I’ve wondered if he was out with someone else, but he’s never gave me a reason to doubt his loyalty.

“Me Either, Sabrina?”

‘The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina’ Was the perfect TV show to watch as Halloween was coming up soon. Puts you right in the mood for October.

‘Couldn't of picked anything better myself.’

He replied fast, one of the reasons why I loved that man.

All the way home I had that same eerie feeling that someone was watching me. Like they never stopped watching, I might just be freaking myself out ‘cause of the weird and creepy Halloween vibe I keep getting.

As soon as I walked into my apartment I took Randall’s collar off and hung it up with his matching leash. I took off my jacket and flicked most of the lights on, I could feel a draft of wind coming from somewhere in the house.

I scurried around the apartment looking for the open window. Confused because I know for a fact that I locked every window before I left this morning for school. Randall followed me like a shadow as if it were his life’s mission, nothing knew.

The cold air was becoming stronger as I continued to approach the bathroom. Flicking on the light I was surprised to see the window above the shower to be unlocked and open. Goosebumps rose as my temperature levelled down.  

Maybe I forgot to lock it last night after my shower, although I clearly remember that I did. I mean I usually do especially since it’s getting closer to the colder months now. Maybe Cody left it open when he saw me last night, That what I told myself as I closed the window to keep my mind at ease.

------

The smell of the Pillsbury Pumpkin cookies Baking in the oven spread through out the apartment. Randall laid in front of it, resting his head on his crossed paws. Sitting at my round marble table I was writing up an essay for one of my college classes, couldn't remember which one it was for exactly.

Glancing at Randall again, bathing in the light of the oven. He most likely felt the warmth of those cookies, dreaming of eating them all. “You just think those Cookies are for you, don’t you?” I ask him teasingly.

He picked up his head, tilting his head to the side. One ear high and mighty like a wolf and the other flopping like the sweet little puppy dog he is. “Too bad you only get one and the rest are for me and Cody.”

At the mention of Cody he propped his head on the floor again. Randall never seemed to like Cody. Always a little stand offish towards him and not to mention he loves human attention, just not from him. It’s a little strange.

Finishing up my essay I saved it, I’ll proof read it on Sunday since it’s only Friday and it’s due Monday morning. Closing my lap top shut, the oven beeped just in time Before Cody got here, he had said he was on his way 5 minutes ago. A text and never a call, which I didn’t mind but it was weird, we’ve been dating for awhile now.

I pulled the cookies out after I turned the oven off. Randall was already on his feet as I put the cookie sheet atop the stove to let them cool. “Someone’s a little too excited for cookies since you get peanut butter ones every Saturday.” He wags his tail at my comment as his drool his the floor.

I roll my eyes at him before making my way to my room, he trailed behind me as if he was my personal body guard. Randall instantly jumped onto my bed, laying into a safe and protected ball.

Setting my phone up to my blue tooth speaker I started to dress into something comfy. Tempo by Lizzo started playing and I couldn’t resist it.

‘I've been waiting for this one’

‘turn it up’

I sang along with the song, it was one of those songs that put you in a good mood. It gave you the power of confidence, to feel good about yourself enough to make you happy.  

It didn’t take me long before I began dancing and screaming the lyrics to Randall. He didn’t mind it this time because he didn't get up and leave me like he has done before.This was the time to be myself and get wild, I don’t get to do it often but damn I should. It’s so much fun.

‘Slow songs, they for skinny hoes’

‘Can’t move all of this here with one of those’

‘I’m a thick bitch, I need tempo’

‘fuck it up to the tempo’

I wonder if my neighbours got bored of my dance sessions, I know I didn’t because I got lost in the way the beat moves me. They never complained about it, although they might call animal control. I defiantly sounded like a dying cat.  

The song was ending and Randall kept his eyes on me. Probably snickering inside his head at how ridiculous I looked dancing the way I was. He was my number one supported I didn't care.

“Mmm, that’s my future wife..” I heard my boyfriend’s sly voice say behind me. I jumped a little shocked by his arrival, I turned around and there he was leaning against the door frame. His arms crossed as he visibly checked me out. His green eyes sparkled as a pink smirk appeared on his lips. The ones that I missed kissing every chance I got.

“Shut up.” I said teasingly making my way towards Cody as my phone continued to play songs. He chuckle, “..Of course it is, she’s such a dork.” He finishes letting his hands rest on my hips, squeezing them firmly before he leans down and kisses me. I gave him a smirk, “Actually I think me and Randall need a night to ourselves, to watch Sabrina and devour those cookies in the kitchen.” I tease.

Randall barks at the mention of his name. Cody’s expression changed from Cocky to Playful shock as I stepped away from him and sat on the bed with the Husky. He stared at the man in front of us as if he was challenging him to come closer.

They shared a look, it was concerning. It was almost as if they were actually challenging each other. It could of been a trick of the eye but I swear Cody’s eyes flashed red. Randall lowered his head to the bed like he had lost.

I shook my head lightly blinking, I didn't mention it trying to distract myself with scattered thoughts.

“Alright fine, I guess that pumpkin spice latte on the coffee table is fine.” Cody says retrieving down the hall-way as if nothing happened.

Could of been the reflection of a car driving down the street. That weird stare must of been Cody admiring Randall or thinking of a come back to say. I pushed the eerie thoughts down, ignoring them for now.

“From Starbucks?” I asked innocently still sitting on my bed as Randall trailed Cody and leaving me alone. Rude.

“You know it Baby-girl...”

Boy does this man ever have a hold of my heart.

“...But you’d rather watch Netflix with your dog...Oh cookies.”

And he lost it.

I began to scurry down the hallway, past the living room and stopping to see that it was already set up for our Netflix date. My heart melted, Sabrina was paused on the TV, Blankets thrown on the couch, fall candles lit making the room smell amazing. The LED lights around the room were a bright orange, set for the Halloween vibe my boyfriend created.

“Cody I...It’s perfect.” I spoke breathlessly.

“Come squeeze in with us.” He says gently, using his arm to motion me over. I smiled at him knowing he was talking about both of my favourite boys.Taking a seat in between them, Cody wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me into him. Randall being on the other side of me rested his head on my thigh and let out a breathy huff.

On the coffee table sat the Halloween cookies, a bowl of popcorn, as well as two Starbucks lattes. I playfully roll my eyes, Cody is such a tease.

“Cody?”

“Yes, babe”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

---

A few episodes into the second seasons we Finished The Lupercalia one.  Popcorn bowl as well as the cookie tray were empty with the help of Randall. Who fell asleep an episode or so ago, I don’t think he was one for the demonic.

“We should get to bed soon.” Cody yawns,

“One more episode?” I asked softly, preparing for the rejection. Cody shook his head playfully at me before pushing me off him. “You’re crazy, these episodes are an hour long.” He chuckles before getting off the couch and stretching.

“Your point is?” I asked, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. He comes closer squeezing between my legs, He’s quiet as he lowers his face to mine, giving me a soft and sweet kiss. “My point is my girlfriend is a psychopath.” He smirks at me, I roll my eyes at him, what a tease.

“Please?” I whine as I look up at him.

“Okay I’ll make you a deal.” He has that glint in his eyes like he always does when he’s up to something.

“Shoot.” I say lazily. I knew what he’s going to say, it happens every weekend.

“We go have a little session in the bedroom and then we watching one more episode. I mean you have to energy to watch another so I think you have the energy for something more.” Cody Winks at me with high hopes in his eyes.

“Actually sleeping sounds good.” I Grab the Xbox controller and turn the console off.

“Are you serious?” Cody asks a little anger slipping through his words, “Yes, plus you’ll just wake me up in the middle of the night for it anyways..” I shrug my shoulders as I blow out the candles and turned the tv off. “..So you ending up winning in the end.” 

“Alright, works for me.” He says, I laugh at his little mood swing, “Dork”  I mumble with a smile.

“What was that, Dork?” he teases holding my hand in his.

“I love you?”

“That’s what I thought”

----

I sat in the passenger seat of Cody's truck, it was a fairly new one with an issue here and there. She still ran good and the AC worked like a charm. He absolutely loves this truck maybe more then me, I mean she was a blue Chevrolet Silverado 1500. 

Nothing fancy, but I defiantly loved the look of her. Although she doesn't compare to my green Jeep Wrangler at home. He’s a stick shift and Cody’s happens to be an automatic, always says he likes to play is safe, I call bullshit. 

“what are you in the mood for?” Cody asks giving me a quick glance. I stay quiet for a moment thinking deeply about it, damn what i’m I in the mood for?

“Tea or Latte?” He says nudging me playfully. 

“Mmm.” I say still deciding. 

“Oh there passes Starbucks, looks like it’s tea.” Cody says. 

“I wanted tea anyways.” I say passively, 

“You're just mad because I didn't give you time to pick.” I look at him and he has this big smirk on his face, I couldn’t be mad a him even if I tried. Cody was too cute. 

‘Shut up.’ I manage to say. 

-----

It’s not too long before I’m a happy girl with my Pumpkin Spice tea. My whole mood switched as we were on our way to the yearly pumpkin patch. And there sat Cody in the driver’s seat occasionally sipping his basic white boy order, a double double.

“I love how excited you get over tea, it’s so cute.”

“I know.” I say sipping my pumpkin heaven with a smirk.

“You’re something else.” Cody laughed and shakes his head playfully at me before turning the music up, ‘Somebody’  by Keith Urban came on and Me and Cody both started Belting out the lyrics to it.

“And I’m letting go of all my lonely yesterdays”

“I’ve forgiven myself for the mistakes I’ve made”

“Now there’s just one thing”

“The only thing I wanna do”

“I wanna love somebody”

“Love somebody like you”

----

It was a half an hour drive, but it felt like 5 minutes with him. The continuous giggling and mini concerts kept me occupied, plus Cody didn't sound half bad. “Here we are, baby girl.” Cody says catching my hand in his as he guides me to the farm hosting the event.

Surprisingly it was a rather big pumpkin patch. I grew up in a small city where there was only one pumpkin patch in a 100km radius, a good bunch of animals to feed, but the pumpkins were some what good to take home.

This one had  plenty of animals to feed, a corn maze, Horse back riding, and Halloween approved pumpkins. There were at least 5 patches like this in a 100km radius, It was perfect.

The one down side was the is was $25.00 per person, but we were willing to make that sacrifice. It was October of course.

Even though I really wanted to take a horse down one of the trails I held myself back. Cody was scared of horses, terrified if you will. He had said and I quote  “Horses are powerful animals and they could kill you if they wanted to” 

Sure that might be true, but horses were these beautiful gentle animals. But I respected his opinion because I loved him, I didn't think it was silly because it was ‘his’ perspective of them. 

“Babe just hold the cup out enough for them to reach the feed.” I say pulling his hand towards the grey baby goat. 

“He’s gunna bite me.” Cody says urgently dropping the cup in the pen and pulling his hand out of my grip. I laugh at his reaction, “You’re being ridiculous right now, it’s a baby goat.” I say shaking my head at him teasingly. 

“Then you do it!” He steps away from the wooden fence and crosses his arms. Forearms flexing through his black sweater, Jesus Christ my boyfriend was hot. Just give me a few minutes to admire him, his eyes, his hair, his lips, not to mention his body structure...

Reaching for the cup the baby goat got on his legs and started towards me. I dumped the contents onto my palm and shoved the paper cup in my back pocket. Holding my hand out the goat ate the feed, it tickled a little with it’s mouth rubbing against my hand. 

Finishing, the baby goat looked at me as if it was asking for more. Soon it let out a ‘Mehhe’ and walked on back to the spot it was previously in. Wiping my hands on the back of my pants I looked back at Cody, “See nothing to be scared of.” I smirk at him teasing a little bit. 

“Says the animal lover, I’m going to the bathroom.” He says passively, I playfully roll my eyes at him. Cody was being dramatic, he got like that sometimes. I usually let him blow of the little steam he had and he’d be perfectly fine when I see him again. 

I continued down the fence line seeing the rest of the farm animals. I ran out of my own feeding mix awhile ago or I’d be giving some here and there. Cody’s was left over because he was too scared to use his. He kept saying he was leaving it for the baby goats, but he was hesitant, a white lie to keep me content.  

Reaching the rabbits I instantly fell in-love with the ocean of fluffy cuteness. Crouching down sticking my arm through the fence gap as I called for one. A black one with beautiful floppy ears began to hop towards. 

Smiling as it’s nose twitched against my hand. Soon the energy changed around me as I felt a dark presence beside me on the left. It made me freeze with aching nerves as my heart started to pound in my ears. 

 “Cute aren’t they?” Their voice was sly and masculine sending goosebumps along my whole body. The eerie feeling I pushed down erupted to the surface, but I needed to stay calm. Show him I wasn’t frightened, I was beyond that. 

Slowly I turned to him and got on my feet, stay calm I kept telling myself. I smiled up at him, “They are, I wouldn't mind having one myself.” I say with fake confidence as I stuffed my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. 

He props himself against the fence a few inches closer, I couldn’t step back or he’d notice. “Why don’t you get one?” He furrows his eyebrows in question as my brain spots out how sickly pale his skin appears on this cloudy day. His hair is a raven black and seems to be slicked back with gel. His eyes are a dark brown almost a black, maybe they were black. His body structure was tall and lean, still he intimated me. 

“Ah...My boyfriend doesn’t really like small animals, or animals in general.” I shrugged trying to brush off the way I slipped up.  

“Understandable, wolves are territorial.” He spoke-

“Babe?” The sound of Cody’s voice immediately soothed me. taking my eyes off the tall man I see my boyfriend approach us, I smiled as he engulfing me into a hug from behind, nuzzling his nose into my neck. How did he know I needed him?

“Who were you talking to?” He asks curious, looking back at the tall guy. My eyes widened in shock, he was no longer there. He was just right here, where did he go? “Just some kids.” I lie with a smile. 

Cody looks into my eyes, his holding an intense expression as he asked “Are you sure?” He asked pressing, he knew I was lying, how? I nodded as his eyes noticeably darkened, “Okay.” He says anyways kissing the crown of my head, slipping his fingers in between mine.

 “Stay close.” He whispers to me not wanting to bother anybody else with our troubles. I nodded as the energy around us became tense and thick at the information we were both lying to each other. I knew he was hiding something from me, I just didn't know what. 

The stiff feeling began to fade as we found comfort in each other’s presences. We both agreed on picking out our pumpkins first before the corn maze. Which happened to be the thing I was most excited for. 

Cody kept close not letting me wonder off too far, his structure was slightly stiff and more broader if that was possible. His green eyes stayed a darker shade then his original, I’ve never seen him like this before and I knew something serious was going one. 

eventually we picked out pumpkins, I may or may not have taken extra time scoping them out. What can I say, I wanted the perfect pumpkin. We teased each other about whose was better the whole way to his truck. Let’s be real, it was defiantly mine. I told Cody to put them in the backseat, because if I saw a pumpkin unattended I’d take it with no guilt. More pumpkins equalled to even more pumpkin seeds. It was fair game out here. 

“Do you really want to go through the maze?” Cody asks, I turn to him raising my eyebrows, “Really?” I asked him as if it wasn't obvious. “Okay.” He chuckles, “You don’t have to get dramatic.” He nudges me. 

“I’m not dramatic.” I pout like a child, 

“Yes you are, now hold my hand.” he says holding his hand out for me to take.

“Why?” 

He rolls his eyes, quickly grabbing my hand and pulling me towards his chest hard. I smirked loving how he got dominant in public. Cody grabs my face firmly and kisses me for a few seconds. “Now will you hold my hand?” He asked. 

“Yes.” I say with a giddy smile and laced our fingers together, “There now everyone here knows you're mine.” He says gently. 

“God you're cheesy.” I laugh as he finally guides us to the legendary corn maze.

Going through it was suspiciously calm and relaxing. Well except for the kids who were running and laughing through out the maze. Giving it that eerie feeling of the traditional Halloween.  

Cody and I were joking around, chasing each other, as well as holding hands. He was relaxed forgetting about our mishap earlier. His eyes were bright and he was smiling ear to ear before he wasn't anymore. Like the flick of switch his protective persona was back. 

He stared passed my head, his eyes a dark green again before they became a bright red. Gasping I felt light headed and froze to think, my heart pounding in my chest. Was I dreaming? Because there was no way this was fucking real. 

Cody held me tightly against him as if shielding my vision away from what or who was behind me. Adrenaline raced making me confused on what feeling I was currently experiencing. 

“An eye for an eye Cody.” The voice was silky, strong, familiar. It hit me like a bus, it belonged to the sickly pale guy from earlier when Cody disappeared to the bathroom. My mind scattered trying to think, what the fuck was happening right now?

Cody’s grip began to tighten on my waist, I knew two things in this very moment. One, this wasn't a fucking dream and it was reality. Two, there was no doubt gunna be a bruise because his grip fucking hurt. 

Building up the strength I needed I forced myself out of his grip turning towards the enemy. I trembled at the sight of him, his eyes a pitch black. Several veins under his eyes surfaced, Fangs pinching his bottom lip. He was a fucking Vampire? My mind went on overdrive and my body became weak. 

“A strong human you got there.” The words made shivers run down my spine, Cody’s growl was authorised, or at least I think it was a growl. anything could be possible at this point. Wasn't too long before my body got too weak for me to physical hold myself up. Falling to the ground I watched as Cody stepped in front of me. Protecting me from him.   

“Alice slaughtered my parents she was fair game.” 

“I don’t care what she did, she was the love of my life. Soulmate if I may.” The voices started to muffle and I couldn’t tell which belonged to who. 

“You’re a vamp, ruthless of creatures. You wouldn’t know a soulmate even if she hit you in the face.”  More muffled words came about, but I couldn’t register them as I began to slip under. 

The last thing I remember seeing was Cody turning into a wolf, massive wolf. Fur white as snow when it freshly falls on a winter’s night. He was beautiful as he plunges for the vampire who had threatened my life.  

----

I woke up screaming, my heart pounding in my chest. Looking around me I noticed I was in a room, a bedroom of some soft. Breathing heavily I climbed to the edge of the bed tearing the silk duvet away from my body. 

I focused on my breathing as I thought about what happened before I ended up here. My date with Cody at the pumpkin patch, the corn maze, the wolf and lastly that strange guy. I remember not seeing any visible veins or even seeing him breathe. There was only one answer he was a Vampire. 

Cody was a werewolf, it was crazy, maybe insane to think, but there was no other reasonable explanation for any of it. I was surprisingly calm from all the information flowing in my mind. Could’ve been because I was in shock, what did that even feel like? I’m tired is all I can think. 

Pushing myself off the bed I feel a nightie pool around me. I look down and see a black shirt engulfing my body, Grabbing the neckline I pull it towards my face. It’s Cody’s I can recognise his cologne anywhere. 

This must be his room, it’s massive with a huge bed, windows from the ceiling to the floor, and two couches. Not too mention The wolf portrait on the wall just above the one couch. I sit on the one across from it. 

It’s a hand painted portrait you can tell by the texture of the brush stokes. There stood a white wolf with mighty pride, chest puffed out and head held high. It’s eyes were a blood red just like the flash in Cody’s eyes a few days previous.

 A single golden crown rounded it’s giant ear, Emerald stones were embedded all the way around the crown. It was too small for it to go around both of it’s ears. At the bottom of the portrait were gold cursive letter that read ‘Alpha Cody’ 

It was him, it was insane, it was real. 

Looking out the window and into the sea of green trees that stretched for miles. It started to add up, The overprotective boyfriend, his body temperature always being high, his red eyes, the neediness, his crazy appetite, and not to mention he was gone all the time. 

The door clicked open and I still stared out the window. I could hear his foot steps come closer and sit on the couch where the painting was placed. “Can we talk?” He sounded weak, I looked at him concerned about his health. 

He looked rough, his brown hair a mess, bags under his eyes, his skin was pale, and his eyes were blood shot. “What happened to you?” I asked, feeling the vibe between us has shifted. 

He sighs resting his hands on his legs, “You, I didn't know if you were ever gunna wake up, it scared the hell out of me. Every day was torture when you didn't way up.” His voice was so heartbroken. 

“How long?” 

“Huh?”

“How long was I asleep?” I asked him, he began to bounce his knee and looked out the window. He didn't want to answer me I understood that but I wanted to know. No I needed to know. 

“Cody” I said under my breathe desperate. 

“3 weeks.” He chocked up, 

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, 

“For what?” He looked at me and all I could see was a broken Cody and it clenched my heart. 

“Not waking up, for you.” I spoke trying to imaging the pain I put him through, I couldn’t. 

He reached for my hand and I couldn't believe how much I missed his touch. We stayed quite holding each others hands together, soon enough he pulled me into his lap, more bridal style then anything else. He held me tight as he stared into my eyes, I don’t ever recall being this intimate with him. 

We we’re both in a vulnerable state, I didn't want anything else then him at this moment. My heart ached to be closer to him. Hot tears made there way down my cheeks as I aggressively kissed him, he kissed back with the same amount of passion and love as I did. 

It lasted a min or 2 before he pulled away and hugged me tight. I never wanted this to end, there was so much emotion I didn't think I was capable of. I held him as much as I could, but he was stronger then I was. I ran my hands through his hair loving the feeling of it. 

“Please don’t leave me!” He begged sobbing into my shoulder, his body shook as I held him tighter. 

“Cody, I would never.” I said softly still running my fingers through his hair. 

“I know I’m not what you expected.” He sobbed louder, it broke my heart to see him like this. 

“You aren’t , you’re better, Because I love you with every piece of me.” I say swallowing the lump in my throat as I began to rock him. His breathing regulated and his body began to relax into mine. 

“I love you too.” It was barely above a whisper but I knew he did. Cody lowly started to fall asleep in my arms, his full weight shifted to me and it made me tired. It only took me a few minutes to fall asleep with him. 

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Tesserae

For an older prompt:  (I've waited two months for this I'm so excited) Post CW—Imagine a pining Bucky picking up on how Tony seems genuinely relaxed and comfortable (dare he say happy?) around Bucky, and being really, really excited about it... then noticing how Tony minutely flinches, shies away from, and is generally afraid of Steve. Which Steve notices of course, and feels terrible about it. Imagine Bucky trying to help fix things between them like they've both helped fix him.

Sometimes when things are broken all you can do is find a new way to be...though that's not necessarily a bad thing. 

AO3

                                                    --------------

If someone had asked Tony when, exactly, the Avengers Project died – which nobody did, but not because they didn’t care, in Tony’s opinion, but because they all thought they knew – he would have said it happened way before that bunker in Siberia. It even happened before the fight at the airport, but it wasn’t when Steve found out that Bucky had killed Tony’s parents and didn’t tell Tony, because he really believed that Steve hadn’t decided not to say anything. Steve had said, “I had been trying to find the right time to tell you,” and Tony truly believed him. After all, how many times had he tried and failed to tell Pepper about the palladium that had been slowly killing him? How long would it have taken him to tell her about the Iron Man project to begin with if she hadn’t walked in on him? No, in Tony’s opinion, the Avengers as an idea died the moment when Steve found out that SHIELD was rotten to the core with Hydra and decided not to come to Tony for help. Because no matter how Tony turned it over in his mind, he couldn’t come up with any explanation other than Steve had thought that there was a chance, no matter how tiny, that Tony was Hydra too.

Tony could see, logically, how a person could be forgiven for suspecting he was part of Hydra– he’d been the first person recruited by SHIELD for the Avengers, he knew Pierce and several Hydra senators on a first name basis, and he’d even been one of the consultants on Project Insight. If it had been anyone else, he would have been the first to say that a bit of caution was warranted. But it wasn’t anyone else, it wasn’t a stranger, it was him. He would have hoped that anyone who knew him would know better. He would have thought Steve, despite their quarrels and differences, would have known better, but apparently not.

So instead of picking up a phone and asking for help, or even giving him a warning of what was coming, Steve let Tony hear about the political and military cataclysm in DC on the news, same as everyone else. And then on top of that had been the Ultron mess –

The drafting pencil in Tony’s hand snapped as he remembered the look on Steve’s face when they’d been talking about arms dealer, the accusation and contempt he’d seen there for a flash of a second. It had been painful enough to the first time around, but when he’d realized that Steve had lost trust in him years before then, the moment had taken on a new significance.

Tossing the broken pencil to the side, Tony sighed with frustration and scrubbed his face with his hands before running them through his hair. “JARVIS, turn the music up,” he said, tired of listening to his own thoughts running in circles. Before Steve and Bucky had shown back up at the tower, looking for help, Tony had more or less managed to set aside the ball of resentment that had taken up residence under his breastbone. But now it was like Steve’s presence in the tower was like the pea under his mattress, bringing up all the old pain and making it fresh again. He knew that people probably thought he’d moved past it because he and Bucky had become…well, he wasn’t sure what they were, exactly, but in any event the truth was that Steve’s presence was rubbing salt in the wound.

Stretching his neck and shoulders, he bent back over the drafting table, trying to focus on the latest redesign for the quinjet. It worked for a while; he managed to lose himself in equations for lift and drag and thrust and torque, occasionally tapping his foot to the music, until out of the corner of his eye he saw the lab door open.

JARVIS automatically lowered the volume as Bucky walked in, but not before Tony saw him wince at the wall of noise. “JARVIS, turn the music off,” Tony said, offering Bucky a sympathetic smile. “Headache?”

“Kind of,” Bucky said, smiling back wanly. “Just a little anxiety, I guess.”

“Ah.” Tony knew how that felt. He tapped his pencil thoughtfully on his drafting table and said, “Would you like me to tell you what I’m working on?”

With a grateful nod, Bucky sat, propping his chin on his metal hand, and listened while Tony’s voice ran over him; he could tell that Tony was pitching his voice low and making an extra effort to modulate his tone so it was a rhythmic patter, and the end result was Tony’s explanation was as soothing as listening to the rain. Bucky could feel his muscles unknotting and the fizzy, aching tension in his head subside as he relaxed under the weight of Tony’s words.

“You should do one of those ASMR recordings,” Bucky said, so drowsy he was barely able to hold his head up. “I could listen to you read a phone book.”

Tony snorted. “Usually people can’t wait for me to shut up,” he said dryly. He reached into his mini-fridge under his desk and pulled out two bottles of water, offering Bucky one as he opened one for himself. “Natasha called me hyperverbal.”

“Really? Not that I’ve noticed,” Bucky said. “You strike me as more quiet and thoughtful than hyperverbal.”

“Yeah,” Tony said, toying with his drafting pencil, “I guess I’ve changed a little, since then.”

                                                  ***

One night, the time of night that could be called either late night or early morning, Bucky shuffled into the shared living room and found Tony curled up on the couch, watching TV. Bucky came around the couch and saw that he was watching Mythbusters. “Mind if I join you?”

“Sure,” Tony said, sitting up a little to make room on the couch. As he sat, neither one of them said the things that had already been said enough: couldn’t sleep? No, me either. Bad dreams? Yeah. Instead they skipped straight to the companionable silence. After a few minutes, Tony handed a half-empty bowl of slightly stale cheesy popcorn over, and Bucky polished off the bowl while Jamie and Adam tested whether or not someone would be thrown backwards when shot by a bullet or if a car would explode if you shot the gas tank. Bucky took issue with the episode that tested whether a car would flip over if hit with an RPG, which led to Tony telling him about the time he took down a helicopter with a piano, and then suddenly the sun was coming up, rosy fingers of light drawing lines on the ceiling. Tony and Bucky were sharing a blanket, their feet tangled together in the middle of the couch, when Steve came through on his way to the kitchen.

“Morning, Buck. Morning, Tony,” he said cheerfully, barely slowing as he walked by, but it was enough. Tony sat up, and even though he piled the extra blanket on Bucky as he stood, Bucky felt the chill of his withdrawal.

“I didn’t realize how late it was,” he said lightly. “I’ve got to get to work.”

Bucky tilted his head thoughtfully as he watched Tony leave, staring at the doorway with a frown even after Tony was gone.

After that, it took a few days to get Tony alone, but eventually Bucky tracked him to the kitchen, finding him making coffee and slicing oranges for breakfast. “Good morning,” Tony greeted cheerfully, and used his knife to push a few orange slices towards Bucky as he grabbed another from the basket on the counter. “How are you doing?”

“Pretty well,” Bucky said, eating one mostly so he would have something to do with his hands. “You?"

"Can't complain," Tony said cheerfully as he sliced. "Slept well and there aren't any fires to put out, so I can actually take my time with breakfast." He gestured with the knife at where Bucky was fiddling with the orange peels. "You seem like you have something on your mind though."

"I just had a question for you.”

"Go for it."

“Is…um, is everything okay, between you and Steve?” It had taken Bucky a while to realize that Tony was systematically avoiding Steve. After all, they are all busy people, and Tony’s schedule was probably the craziest out of everybody’s. So it wasn’t until Bucky started making an effort to spend more time with Tony that he realized that the only thing that was consistent about Tony’s schedule was that he wasn’t anywhere that Steve was. Steve liked to work out early in the morning, but Tony hit the gym in early evening. Tony would eat in the common area, but never when Steve was there. If they were ever in the room at the same time, Tony would leave, sometimes so quietly that Bucky would look over in the middle of a conversation and find that Tony was gone.

Tony’s movements slowed. “Sure,” Tony said neutrally. He rinsed off the knife and set it next to the sink then poured himself some coffee. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

Bucky squinted at him, wondering if he meant here as in the Tower or here as in alive, and decided it was probably the former. “So you accepted his apology? For, you know…” He gestured vaguely.

Tony barked out a laugh at that, sharp and bitter. “What apology? His bullshit letter, or the hangdog one he gave me when he was forced to come back and ask for help?”

Bucky blinked, startled by sudden vitriol. “I don’t know,” he said, shrugging helplessly. “I just noticed that you don’t really ever seem to be around Steve, and I was wondering if it was on purpose.”

“Yeah, it’s on purpose.”

Bucky hadn’t really thought through this conversation; he especially hadn’t anticipated that Tony would just come right out and say it, so he was caught a little flat-footed. “Why?”

Tony’s mouth twisted. “Do you really need to ask?”

“Well, I mean I know…” Bucky exhaled. He looked down at his hands, flattened them out on the granite countertop next to the orange slices and cutting board. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive him?”

“I don’t know.”

“You forgave me.”

“You’re different.”

“Yeah.” Bucky swallowed thickly. “I’m worse.”

“No,” Tony said immediately. He put one hand over Bucky’s and squeezed it, meeting his eyes so Bucky could see that he meant it. “The difference is you didn’t decide to hurt me. Steve did.”

“But he said he was sorry, and he’s trying-“

“Did he say he was sorry? And even if he did, what good, exactly, is an apology?” Tony stared Bucky in the eyes and dropped the coffee mug on the floor, not even flinching when it shattered and coffee went everywhere. “Is an apology going to clean up this mess?”

The look in Tony’s eyes made Bucky’s stomach turn. “No.”

“Will it fix the mug?”

“No.”

“So what do you think Steve can do with his apologies?”

Bucky stared at the shattered mug. “Is there anything that…I don’t know, could help? Could fix it?”

Tony exhaled. “I don’t know, Bucky. Some things just can be fixed.” He waited for a long moment but Bucky didn’t know what to say, so eventually he turned away to get a broom.

                                              ***

“Did you know?”

Steve sighed, resting his head in his hands. “I suspected. So I made sure to give him his space. I figured that’s what he needed.”

“Well, what are we going to do?”

“We?” Steve lifted his head and sat back against the couch. “It’s not your problem, Bucky. I’m glad that you two have grown close, but I don’t think Tony and I will ever get there. Too much bad blood.”

“But it’s bothering you,” Bucky said. “And it obviously bothers him. Nothing’s going to get better unless you try.”

“What can I do? Apologize again? You told me what Tony thinks of my apologies.”

“Just try talking to him. At the very least you need to clear the air.”

“I don’t know, Buck.” Steve looked down at his hands. “I don’t know that I really have the right to Tony’s forgiveness, after everything.”

“Do you forgive him? For everything in the bunker?”

“Well, yeah,” Steve said, sounding like it was something so obvious he hadn’t really thought it needed saying. “Baron Zemo went through a lot of effort to find a wedge to drive us apart, and Secretary Ross and the Accords was the hammer to the wedge. If I hadn’t kept that secret about his parents, Zemo wouldn’t have had that wedge in the first place. How do I begin to make up for something like that?”

Bucky rubbed his eyes, hearing Tony’s ragged Do you even remember them? echo in his thoughts. “Just try? Please? For me?”

“Why is this important to you?”

“Because…” Bucky took a deep breath. “You and Tony are the most important people in my life and I think that Tony…that Tony could be more. Maybe. But with all of this…”

Steve’s eyes softened. “Oh, Buck. Really? With Tony? That’s great, I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah.” Bucky smiled shyly. “I don’t know if he…you know, because of everything, but we’ll see.” It almost seemed like too much to hope for, that Tony could put their ugly past behind them to make a future. But he didn’t think anything good could happen when there was so much pain and anger festering in Tony’s heart.

“Ok, I’ll do my best,” Steve said. “Hopefully I won’t make it worse.”

“And maybe do it outside so there’s nothing to throw at you.”

[current-mcr-news]

Casual Interactions 10: Full Transcription

John: Greetings from Asbury Park, New Jersey and welcome to Casual Interactions. I'm John "Hambone" McGuire, and today we've got Frank and the Future Violents here in an airstream trailer outside of the Asbury Lanes, and we're gonna talk to you about the album Barriers and a little behind the scenes action about Frank's upcoming video for Great Party, as well as his summer tour that's going on right now. Now this is a little bit different than your traditional episode of Casual Interactions. Unfortunately, Shaun could not be here with us to hang out, he is here in spirit. And Frank, Shaun, and I will be back in the fall with more episodes of Casual Interactions as promised. This is just a little something to get you through the summer blues and hopefully to get you excited to go see Frank on tour right now. Check it out. This is everyone's first time playing at the Lanes since they've redone the lanes.

Everyone: Yes.

J: Anyone play here before?

Everyone: Yeah.

Frank: I've been here before. Yeah, Thursday did a couple shows here.

Tucker: Four nights of it, yeah.

F: Oh damn!

J: No big deal. Sold out every one. 

T: In a row.

F: Did you say fortnight? 

T: Fortnight, yeah. Two weeks worth. 

J: Put me on the guest list, I appreciate it. 

F: Hey, what are you gonna do? 

T: I'm always gonna do that for my friends. 

J: It's a Jersey thing. I call him up, I say.

T: I got a guy down there.

J: "I know your mom." 

F: Thursday, playing on a Wednesday. 

T: (unintelligible) 

F: Oh man. Alright, so flashback to about 20 years ago. 1999, say.

J: -ish, yeah.

F: Ish. Pencey Prep signs to Eyeball Records, right? It's a band that myself and Hambone were both in. At that point, Tucker's in Thursday still, and you guys are on Eyeball. Waiting is coming out, or just came out?

T: Just coming out, I believe. It was like, that day or something, it feels like. I remember it being simultaneous. 

J: You know, for the longest time I thought that that album was actually called Porcelain. Yeah.

F: Originally?

T: I think it might've almost been called Porcelain. 

J: Yeah. It definitely wasn't called Porcelain. 

F: I remember though, being at an Eyeball party. I feel like the best thing about Eyeball house and Eyeball parties, was that every time you went there, you were gifted the new release. 

J: Yes.

F: Even if you had it already, you were still given the CD. So I got Waiting and I remember then going on vacation and listening to it nonstop.

J: Right.

F: In Long Beach Island, and thinking like, "Oh my god, this fucking record's amazing." And then meeting you at a party later on, and being like, "Alright, I wanna be in a abdn with him."

J: It was a game changer, for sure.

F: Yeah. And then shortly after that, meeting Matt because Murder By Death, or at that time, Little Joe Gould.

Matt: Right, it was still, yeah.

F: Was touring, or you guys met them on tour?

T: We met them on tour at a coffee shop together. 

M: No, it was the stinky Anarchist bookstore. 

T: Same thing.

M: Close enough. Much worse smell.

T: Potato / potato.

J: I've heard it both ways. 

M: It was called The Secret Sailor but it was actually known as The Stinky Pirate. 

F: Weird.

J: Where was that?

M: That was in Bloomington. And at that point, Full Collapse was recorded but not quite out yet.

T: Yes.

M: And our friend who had booked the show said, "Hey, this band needs to jump on," and we were like, "Okay." And I think it was Geoff, was like, "I got a friend in Jersey, he's gonna put your record out." We were like, "Nice to meet you, you guys are great, we'll never talk to you again." 

F: That's actually called the Jersey role. That's what we usually do. We always make some plans, then we'll never see you again. 

T: It usually means, "Get away from me," or "Let's actually do this."

M: Turned out it was "Let's actually do this thing."

F: So then I remember, flash forward a couple months later, being at the Eyeball house and Alex who ran the label, and Mark, got a card from you guys in the mail. Like, a handmade card because they had signed you, or said they were gonna put your record out. I mean, at that point it was just handshake deals, but got a card saying, "Thank you. We're so glad to join the family," and everybody was so excited, and then we heard your record, and everybody was like, "Oh my god, we need to get better right now." Because I remember everybody at the label being like, "Oh, we all thought everybody on the label was good, but this is the best record we've ever put out. This is the best record."

J: Banger.

F: Yeah.

T: Aw. 

F: It's true.

J: And then we actually saw you live and then everyone actually started practicing. 

F: Yeah yeah, totally! Yeah.

J: Because, I don't know if you recall when, the first time they came around to the area, they just got thrown on a show at the Loop Lounge. And this is a little ways after Great White burned the club down, but still early enough that Carl and Bruce would let you light things on fire onstage, so Little Joe Gould at the time had a stage show where they'd be blowing fire. They had a little keyboard player, Vincent; a small, unassuming, meek little dude who would actually spit Gene Simmons fireballs, and then the old drummer Alex would light the cymbals on fire. And this is a small club with not the highest ceiling. 

F: And the ceiling's covered in just shit on the wall, Applebee's type things. There's a motorcycle, and there's dust on top of that, and a fish tank with dead fish in it.

T: And all of it was on Alex's head. 

M: Yeah, but stuff that wants to be on fire.

F: Oh yeah, probably, yeah. He's burned me.

J: Almost took out the disco ball one night.

M: We had some close calls in those days. I remember playing at the Fireside Bowl in Chicago and the guys came up and they're like, "Listen, we don't wanna do this, but we have been told if you do the setting shit on fire thing, we're supposed to kick all of your stuff over and blast you with fire extinguishers and you don't get paid." We're like, "That's probably bullshit, but point taken."

F: Yeah, "gotcha."

M: "Cool, we'll take the night off." 

F: Alright. So let's stop there, and go to the weird other thing that happened was Kayleigh, you at this point are in upstate New York.

Kayleigh: Yes.

F: Right? Alright, in college?

K: Where are we going? 

F: Well, you took a class.

K: Oh yeah! Okay! 

F: And Tucker, yeah.

K: I was like-

F: I'm sorry!

K: "At what part of my life am I in upstate New York? What's happening?"

J: Real long way to go to get a superhero origin story.

F: Watch though, this is crazy. So, you're-

K: I went to college at Fredonia State, which is a very unassuming college in western New York, but it's really great for, at the time, it was one of the only state schools that was offering music business as a major. So, I went there to study music business and get a degree. I was touring in a band at the time, and my parents told me if I got a degree, that after I graduated I could come home and tour. So, went to school for music business, and the thing about Fredonia that's really cool, is that it has a great sound recording program because Dave Fridmann lives in Fredonia. So, all the time, there's also this awesome bar called BJ's who everybody used to play there, but all of Dave Fridmann's bands when they were recording would also usually play at this tiny dive bar. Because they'd be working on new material, or just finished a record, or whatever, so I saw MGMT, I've seen Explosions in the Sky, all these- Sleater Kinney.

F: That was like your Wayne Firehouse, basically.

K: It was the coolest little place, and yeah, one day I went to class, my music business class, and Thursday was the guest speakers at my class.

J: And this class was, "Don't take a handshake deal at a party house."

F: "Never sign a man named Matt from Indiana and bring him to Jersey."

T: I just remember going into this class. It was Geoff and I, and you know, everyone looked like babies to me, because we felt like old people in there, but everyone was like, "Get out of here. We don't care about a single word you have to say, you hacks."

F: "Go cry about it, emo kid." 

T: "Shouldn't you be partying instead of teaching this class?"

K: But I think that's also funny. It didn't dawn on me that that actually happened until we were rehearsing at your house. And I said something about Fredonia, and you were like, "Oh, I've been there," and I was like, "Oh my god, you have. And I was there too."

F: I like how Fredonia also sounds just like a place that Dave Fridmann would make up in his head of like, "If I were the ruler of a kingdom, it'd be Fredonia and I would have a music school there and I would bring Thursday in to talk!"

T: Exactly. Fridmann, Fredonia. 

F: Come on.

T: His name is Dave Fredonia.

J: Writes itself.

F: Just saying. 

M: It also sounds like a medication to get you off of something else. 

F: Oh yeah, that too.

M: Like, "I gotta run this cycle of Fredonia."

T: In the commercials, people are riding bikes through a really green field, you know?

Evan: Side effects are deathly diarrhea. 

T: So much diarrhea in one of those two bathtubs on the hill for no fucking reason. That's the one.

J: Yeah, but you know what? You could climb mountains and kayak.

T: Probably after the diarrhea. You do what you gotta do.

J: One would hope.

F: Alright, last circle of weird coincidences. So, My Chem goes on tour and Murder By Death plays with us at Club Krome, right?

M: Yes.

F: With Vox.

M: That was the Halloween show.

F: Halloween show. And Evan is at that show. That's also the first, I don't know if that was the show or the venue where your first band, On Arms, we had you guys open for My Chem.

E: That's right.

F: Was that the same show?

E: I don't think so. I don't think that was the first one.

F: But it was the same venue.

E: It might've been Starland. 

F: Oh shit.

E: It was right when you guys released Three Cheers, I think.

J: No, it was neither one of those clubs. It was the Birch Hill Nightclub.

F: No, we never got the play that because Otter took a shit downstairs and it blew the fucking pipes up. And then they flooded the whole room and no one could, you couldn't play there for months. It was crazy! It was like the dead of winter. Alright, so in the dead of winter, we show up and it's a long drive, it was like 20 minutes or whatever, so Otter's like, "I gotta go to the bathroom." So he runs down to the downstairs and he takes a poop, and he flushes and it blows the- it explodes the entire pipe system at the venue. So it floods the entire downstairs and they have to close the club down.

Geoff: Hey guys.

F: Hey Geoffy.

J: Hey buddy!

F: We're talking about history.

G: Oh I love history.

J: And poop stories!

F: So yeah, for the longest time, you couldn't play Birch Hill Nightclub anymore, and what was the venue attached to it?

J: That's what I was thinking of.

T: Was it Stingrays?

J: Stingrays, yeah.

T: There was a two room deal.

J: What was the show that we did I Am A Graveyard before My Chem, when Gerard came out and did the big Winston Churchill Iron Maiden intro?

F: Yeah, that was weird. That was a one-off thing I think.

J: Either way, at that time, Otter was subsisting on a diet of nothing but Popeye's fried chicken so you can understand how what was gonna happen, was gonna happen.

F: And Fredonia. High dose of Fredonia. Oh man. So that's over 20 years, that's how this band is kinda starting to form, right? And then, I guess flash forward to 2017, 2018? No, alright, let's flash forward to 2016 because we get into an accident, and then shortly after that, we ended up starting touring again, and we go on tour with Dave Hause and the Mermaid, and that's how we really meet Kayleigh. And our first show is in Williamsburg, a music hall in Williamsburg. I remember watching Dave's set, especially seeing Kayleigh playing and how she sings and all that stuff, playing basically everything on the stage, she would just run around and play everything. I was like, "Holy fuck!" These are the types of people, getting to see Thursday, getting to see Murder By Death, and the way that these people in thsi room thought about music. How it wasn't just like, "Oh, I'm just following a guitar part," you know? You see a performance where it's like, "There's three guitar players onstage. They're all playing the same thing. That's so weird. Okay, I guess nobody wanted to sit down." But you know, the idea that you're creating a soundscape with a bass, you know? Or you're playing a melody on the drums that's like, that's the hook of the song. Even though it's very rhythmic, there's a melody there. Same thing with Kayleigh, her solo records and the stuff that she was doing with Dave, that's the stuff that I saw, it was just like, "Whoa, these people think on a different level," you know? So, I started those other projects and had Evan in with the Cellabration and the Patience, and I always knew if I can, I never wanna be in a band without Evan again, you know what I mean? So that's just always gonna happen. But how do we fill this out, how do we do this, get to the next step, next level, and have people in it that are really pushing the envelope and inspiring you on a daily basis? And it just so happened that at the end of 2017 or beginning of 2018, everybody was going to end up being free to do some songs. Or at least Tucker and Matt and Evan were, and then we found out later on that Kayleigh might be free to come in and write some stuff with us.

J: It's awesome. I know from an outsider perspective, watching you go through the different bands. I'll tell you, Evan's great because no matter what band of guys you got backing you up, I always know it's Evan playing guitar. 

F: Right, yeah.

J: You're like the secret weapon. You know? He's like the secret sauce. Like the In 'N Out sauce except we can get you on the east coast which is nice. You know? But I mean it's a cool thing because having written a record, I've written a bunch of music with you, and then watching you write the songs for My Chem, because you were pretty writing them in my apartment.

F: That's true.

J: I know what it was for you to strike out on your own and do the Cellabration and do the Patience, but always kinda having that really nice constant which is Evan. 

F: Yeah.

J: And then I also remember sitting there over breakfast, me, you, and Shaun. By the way, Shaun couldn't be here tonight, he had something else to do. Anyway...

F: He got him so good, look at him!

J: We were having breakfast and he was telling me, he's like, "Yeah, I'm starting up a new thing," and I'm like, "So who you got?" And he goes, "Well of course Evan. But I think I can get Tucker, I think I can get Matt," and I popped. I was like, "Really?!" And I've compared it to getting the stacks rhythm section, like the MG's backing you up. And I was psyched.

F: And the MT's.

J: Yeah, the MT's.

T: I came in cheap, four million.

J: Print some t-shirts, make some money together.

T: Five grand.

J: And I mean, I heard the songs too. I came over to your house and we hung out.

F: That's right! You sat in on one of the early recording sessions.

J: I sat in on one of the early writing sessions. And he's like, "There's this girl, I wanna bring her on, I think it's gonna be the difference maker," and it was. You came in.

F: I agree.

J: Like the secret weapon.

F: That was the final brick in the wall. It was like, "This is really something awesome and special, but I know what it can be and how incredible it can be," and that was bringing Kayleigh in. 

J: And I'll tell you the Stomachaches and Parachutes both are incredible records.

F: Thank you.

J: But this is the first record that I've heard you do in a while where I feel like you were writing with other people. Other people who were not just sitting there being like, "Alright, you play this, you play this, you play this," like everyone brings their own their own unique, special thing to the party, and it's fucking awesome. 

F: I agree. That's the thing too is like, this is the first record where people are writing in a room, they're familiar with the songs, they're writing the parts that they wanna play, and really knowing what the song needs, you know? So like, they're writing for the betterment of that song, and then going into the studio and they're the ones that are playing it, live in the room, to tape. That, we've never had before. You know?

J: Now how many songs did you have written before you started bringing other people in? Not counting Evan because you guys work together a lot, but you know, how many skeletons did you have before you started bringing people on board?

F: Well I had a list of like 21 skeletons, a lot of which we never even touched. And then that would kinda be filtered out. I'd bring one in, I think the first one we worked on was Moto Pop. And that was, "Alright, we're on a roll here." There's songs like Medicine Square Garden that started as a kind of an idea I had written down on paper but I couldn't, I didn't have the full idea of what the song should look like. I couldn't be like, "Oh it's E, F, G," it wasn't like that. It was more like, "I had this idea of a song where it feels like this, and the guitar line sounds like this and follows the vocal but it doesn't make sense so I can't just write it down."

J: So what was the song when you brought everyone in, where you're like, "Fuck yeah, this is it, we got something."

F: I think Medicine was the first time it was like, "Whoa, we did it."

T: That was like the end boss, that song.

F: Yeah, I agree.

T: It was like, "If we can conquer the initial structure of that one."

F: "Then we can do anything." Yeah.

M: I think the first time I came over, I think Young And Doomed was one of the first ones that we worked on just because it's like, we can get something mostly nailed down with that but when we got into Medicine, I remember that one was giving me fits, because it was like you were describing it and I don't know what my part of that is yet. And for the first couple of days it was like everything I tried to play sounded like Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi or something.

F: Yeah yeah yeah!

M: And this is not what it's supposed to be, but it's the only thing my stupid hands do.

J: You are in New Jersey.

M: Right.

J: It's contagious.

M: Maybe I'm trying too hard to sneak in under the Jersey radar.

T: The gift that keeps on giving.

M: But when it clicked it felt like such a victory, you know? It was like, "Okay, we can do it."

J: How about you, Kayleigh? When was the moment for you?

K: I think that what Matt was describing was pretty much my entire- because I came in late to the project because I was busy for the first half of the year and then-

F: She's been on tour for three years straight.

J: Oh yeah, she's a musician's musician. You're even sneaking off to do a show on one of your days off.

K: I know. Surprise, yeah. Surprise show.

J: That's fantastic.

K: But doing multi-instrumentalist work, I think it's I'm a glutton for punishment in the best and worst ways because I kind of approach this project like I don't know what- not only do I not know what to play, parts wise, I don't know what instrument would be best for this song. And also kind of trying to figure out the groundwork that was the bones of all of these songs was already so put together, and so awesome, that I was almost- it really challenged me where I was like, "I can't fuck this up, what am I gonna- what kind of sprinkles am I gonna put on top that's gonna make it, can I make it better? Am I gonna make it better?"

F: What's funny I think is you tread carefully on that stuff because you don't want to step on toes like that, but you're initial instincts are always so great, and make, at least me, think about songs in different ways, and that's why it was so amazing having you come in. To jump forward again, having a new band play old songs is kinda crazy. And then also bringing in musicians that play different instruments is like, "Wow alright, now you have to really reinvent songs off Parachutes and Stomachaches for the live show." So like, she'll be like, "Oh, I was originally thinking violin on a song like Veins," and I was like, "Wow, that's so fucking crazy!" I never would've thought to do that. But now, I can't not hear that song without that instrumentation, it's crazy.

J: So let me bring it back a second. You know, a lot of musicians play a lot of their songs and their hits for years and years and years, and it's almost taboo to kinda try to reinvent that. I mean, we remember the Bob Dylan incident at the Tropicana where we didn't remember-

F: That was so weird.

J: We didn't know a single song until he got to the choruses, but how does it feel for you to have new life being breathed into these songs.

T: He just grazed right over that, by the way.

F: I love it.

J: I'm good at what I do, Tucker. I'm a goddamn professional!

T: You really are!

F: I love it. That to me, having that ability and opportunity to be creative on the road as well as in the studio, that fucking rules, you know? To know that- here's the thing that I attribute that to, that Lou Reed thing where he would put out a record and then you'd go see him, and that shit was different already because he was already onto the next thing. I think that you have to do that type of shit.

J: Now are you pulling out some songs that maybe you would not have played on this tour because it's more fun now with everybody?

F: Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I've put together a list of songs that I thought would be really fun to do with this band, and that's what we've been doing. But I think now, seeing how those things have changed and how much better we've made then, I would like to kinda go back and look at other stuff. But also at the same time, you run into this project, all you wanna play is new stuff.

J: Of course. What old song do you think is the best, is better now having the new crew?

F: Man. I like Veins with the violin in it, it's fantastic to me. I think Let You Down, now Kayleigh's playing an acoustic on there, I've always wanted that rhythmic section to that. We've been doing this rendition of Miss Me with just acoustic guitar and violin and I think that's really really fun. 

E: Viva with the violin too sounds incredible.

F: Viva, oh my god! Yeah, that might be my favorite.

J: Kayleigh, how many instruments do you play?

K: Pretty much violin, guitar, piano. But then the mandolin is the same as the violin, so that makes- that adds that to it. I play the ukulele but who doesn't?

J: That's right.

K: And then there's that whole assortment of keyboard based instruments that if you know how to play piano, you can pretty much weasel your way around.

J: You would think that ska bands would've figured out getting a multi-instrumentalist years ago, instead of having like nine guys.

F: Eight guys, and one guy dances.

J: Four dudes, Kayleigh, and a dancer who also sells merch.

F: But yeah, I don't know.

T: The Merch Pit.

F: I'm having so much fun, seriously. I will say this too. In addition to the playing, which is beyond anything expectation I had, I've never laughed more than in this band.

J: That's awesome.

F: It hurts your lungs.

T: Oh totally.

F: It's kind of amazing, yeah.

J: How was the first leg of the tour, speaking of people you're gonna laugh with, with James Dewees?

F: Oh my god.

E: He is such a character. 

J: Did he make you watch a lot of Seinfeld?

E: Well, we were going to originally! I actually brought-

K: I'm not sure who wanted to watch Seinfeld, James or Evan.

E: That's true. Apparently, James had all of the episodes on his iPod. 

F: Yes.

E: He would just watch them on his iPod. Which a screen of an iPod, old school iPod classic, is what? Two inches by an inch and a half? 

J: Yeah.

E: And he still watches all of them?

J: All the TV he needs.

F: I feel like James has pigeon sight, where he can see in 360 and everything looks big. I think like an iPod screen, that's fine. 

J: I think all the candy he eats helps him focus.

E: Yeah exactly. But I had brought all of the episodes on DVD with us, but of course, this bus that we just had didn't have a DVD player!

J: That's old technology.

E: I know!

T: This stack of shit would just get moved to this side, to this side, to this side.

J: It was a lot of seasons!

T: Yeah.

J: Oh man. So that first leg was James, this next leg of your tour, you're going over to Europe first with Laura Jane Grace.

F: Yes. Yeah, and The Devouring Mothers. Yes, we get to hang out with Atom and Mark Hudson, it's gonna be fun.

J: And then when you're back in the states hitting the west coast, it's when Geoff.

F: Geoff, yeah. Who's actually playing tonight as well.

J: Fantastic. 

F: So we're going to do the UK. We got a couple of festivals actually happening next week. We're going a UK festival, we're going a couple of shows in Russia, Kiev, and then a Czech festival, and one other that I can't think of.

E: Back in the UK.

F: Another UK. And then we'll be back here to do a festival in upstate New York.

J: Cool.

F: With Taking Back Sunday and the Menzingers. 

K: Oh, that's right.

F: And Glassjaw, right? And then we do the west coast Warped Tour, and then we do our shows with Geoffy, and then we go back to the UK to do it with Laura Jane. And then, well, before that I think, our video for Great Party is gonna come out.

J: Oh cool!

F: Which I'm really excited for because you're in it too.

J: I'm totally in the video! 

F: I know! And it's really good.

J: Yeah. It's a super fun video and we super top secret did it Memorial Day weekend, right? 

F: I know. Which I can't believe we got the venue for it. We did it at a Masonic Lodge in Clifton on Memorial Day weekend, and I feel like, even though that's not tied in with veterans and stuff like that, I feel like those things are usually rented out.

J: I thought those guys would be at barbecues, to be honest with you, but they were like, "Yeah, we'll clean up after you guys. We made coffee."

F: It was rad. 

T: They were like, "We'll watch you clean up."

F: But I mean the directors, David was amazing, and our friends from Surfbort came out, Sean and Dani.

J: They were amazing.

E: Yeah, they were awesome. 

F: Dude, that was the thing too. When I wrote the treatment for the video, the thing that I saw in my hand was Dani's face, really, setting this bomb off.

M: And if you don't know what that face looks like, it'll all make sense when you do.

F: Yeah exactly. That smile, it's all about that devilish grin, it's awesome. It's beautiful.

J: It's gonna haunt your dreams.

F: Yeah, she's so unique and just so amazing.

J: Have you seen the finished product yet?

F: I have, yeah. It's done. I think it comes out on the 18th or something, or the week of the 18th. So yeah.

K: Awesome. 

F: I'm very excited.

J: Very cool. I mean, I'm not sure what this day this is gonna drop, but it's gonna drop something around then. So you're either going to get excited because the video's coming out, or be excited because now you've seen the video and you know what we're talking about, and you've seen the face.

F: My kids are excited too because they're in it, but for a split second, so they were really excited to be in it, and then they saw it and they were like, "What the fuck! I'm not in it for long enough!" I was like, "Well, it's not your video." 

J: "They cut out my stage!" 

T: "You write a song."

F: Yeah.

J: "I thought the kids stayed in the picture! Not this one."

F: "Hey, I told you to clean up your room."

T: They did write a song, Best Friends Forever and it's pretty good.

M: Write another one.

F: Another one!

T: "It's not even on an album, that's on an EP." 

J: I think their college funds have been doing fine on royalties.

F: "Write an album track. See how easy it is."

T: "Bring me a single."

J: Alright, so this was Casual Interactions with Frank Iero and the Future Violents. Definitely check them out if they're coming to your town on tour. You will absolutely not regret it. You're gonna have the time of your life. 

F: Sick. 

J: Party on, dudes.

F: Great job.

E: Love y'all!

K: Thanks!

T: Thanks, Hambone.

J: Bye! 

[unorthodoxsavvy]

Gourmet Holiday

Title: Gourmet Holiday

Chapter: 1

Pairing: Dan and Phil

AU: UK-based BATK (Gourmet Makes) [Dan is “Claire” and Phil is “Brad”]

Word Count: 2.2k

Rating: G

Summary: Phil helps out Dan make candy canes in his holiday episode of Gourmet Makes

Trope: Acquaintances to Friends to Lovers

“Alright, my name is Dan, and today on Gourmet Makes we’re going to be making candy canes,” Dan smiled into the camera, holding up a box of a dozen candy canes.

“Candy canes are one of the best holiday traditions, even here in the UK. I love them for the taste, and also for the fact that if you get them sharp enough, you can stab someone with them-”

Dan quickly glanced up from the box to their camera man.

“Am I allowed to say that on this show?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Great!”

Dan started to pull one out of the package.

“Candy canes are really great too because they can be used in holiday deserts like brownies or as sprinkles or in like hot chocolate, ooh, we should make some hot chocolate- anyway-”

Dan unwrapped the long end and popped it in his mouth.

Behind Dan, his coworker, Phil, approached his station. Sensing the older man, Dan turned slightly.

“Phil! Important question: which end of the candy cane do you start with?”

“The curved part,” Phil smiled.

“Wow, someone isn’t valid,” Dan replied, turning back to the camera.

“Can I have one though?”

“Not if you’re going to eat it like that.”

Phil huffed and kept walking.

“Anyway, it’s time for my favorite part: reading the ingredients.”

Dan flipped over the candy cane box and started listing off the ingredients, doing his best to pronounce the bigger words. He knew that in the final edit of this video, the ingredients would be listed around him, framing his face as he rattled them off. Dan had always admired the editors work on all of his videos, a skill he felt like he could never pick up.

“Alright,” he grinned, staring straight ahead. “Let’s get started.”

The camera followed Dan around the UK’s BA Test Kitchen as he gathered up various ingredients and tools he’d need to start with his first task: making the sugar candy.

With a smile, Dan started to explain what he was doing as he measured out the sugar on his scale in a bowl, then transferred it to a larger pan he could boil it down to hard ball candy on the stove afterwards.

In order to make it a more elevated treat, Dan was trying to think of a way he could somehow use the mint leaves directly. One plan he had was throwing them in Phil’s dehydrator, and then using the spice grinder to grind them up and add to the mixture. It would probably give the candy a speckled appearance, but he hoped it wouldn’t look too much different from the original. Dan hated the artificial taste of extracts, and avoided them whenever he could.

After talking this through with the camera while his sugar boiled down, Dan removed it from the heat and waited for it to be cool enough to the touch for him to work with.

“I’m too weak for this,” he complained, grabbing the sugar and pulling it across his chest over and over again. Starting to get tired, Dan wrapped it around the stand mixer’s arm and used that to continue pulling towards him instead of out. Once satisfied with his sugar, he started to rip pieces off and form them by hand into cane-shapes.

By this time, Dan had been on camera for about 45 minutes, and Phil returned from whatever he’d been doing.

“How’s it going, Dan?” Phil asked cheerfully, looking down at Dan with adoring big eyes. Phil’s smile, which never left his face, was infectious, and tired as Dan was, he managed to smile back.

“I think I might need to find a mold for these,” Dan gestured to the candy canes he was making.

“You didn’t wrap the two colors yet?” Phil observed. 

“No, I just wanted to see how well I could do this without worrying about having to have them wrapped. If I can’t make these right without wrapping the red with the white, there’s no way I’ll be able to do it with that.”

“Alright, do you want some help making a mold?” Phil offered.

“What are you doing now? Are you working on anything?” As much as Dan would love the help, he didn’t want to pull Phil away from his own assignments.

“Ah, you know, just waiting for some things to ferment over at the fermentation station,” Phil mentioned, jerking a thumb over his shoulder at the shelf in the kitchen he’d claimed for his weird experiments, including a bag of egg yolks with salt he’d thrown in a plastic sandwich bag. Every once in a while Dan had the urge to rip it down and throw it out, but a part of him was morbidly curious as to not only how long Phil would keep it tapped to the wall, but what would become of it afterwards.

Dan rolled his eyes at the thought, being a bit extra for the camera. “Alright, if you’re not busy, then sure. Got any ideas?”

Phil tilted his head in thought while Dan gazed up at him from his seat at his counter. Standing side by side, Dan and Phil were almost the same height, and they both towered over everyone else in the kitchen. It was one thing that bonded them. Their personalities complimented each other as well: Dan was pessimistic, focused, and sarcastic, something that the internet had latched on to, giving him the success he saw today. Phil, on the other hand, was a bit chaotic, spacey, and made really bad jokes and puns. This lent him a different kind of love from Dan, but just as much success. Their respective shows were the most popular of all of the UK BA Test Kitchen’s channel.

“What if we got one of those putty things you can impress molds into?”

Phil was known around the kitchen for having out-of-the-box and generally handy ideas.

“That’s great, do we have any?”

“I have no idea,” Phil grinned stupidly.

Dan let out a dramatic sigh and got up from his station to look around the kitchen, followed by Phil and the cameraman.

After looking around for a good 20 minutes, Dan located what he was looking for- there was only one problem. There was only enough of the putty to make a mini candy cane mold, not the full-sized ones.

Dan showed it to Phil.

“Well, if it works out, they’ll just have to be that size,” Phil voiced, as if he had read Dan’s mind.

“My thoughts exactly,” Dan agreed, and brushed past Phil in the hallway, shoulders bumping slightly. Dan felt his face heat up in embarrassment and didn’t turn around to apologize so that it wouldn’t be caught on camera. The last thing he needed was to give the internet another piece of “proof” that the two were secretly in love.

They’d never really explicitly talked about how they were “shipped”, but Dan was fairly confident Phil was aware.

Dan placed the putty for the mold on his work counter and started to work to clean up the mess he’d made in his first attempt, camera continuing to roll on the off chance there was any good B-footage to be had for the end of the video, or even peppered into the main video. Phil tried to help, but Dan waved him off.

“I have a process,” he asserted. Phil threw his hands up and backed away gently, playing it up for the camera. Dan wondered if the scene would make it into the video.

Once Dan was done cleaning his station Phil pulled up a stool to sit next to Dan.

Dan startled from where he’d been staring down at the table in focus and looked at Phil, feeling his eyes drawn to Phil’s icey blue ones.

“I, uh, we, I-”

“You sound like me on camera!” Phil joked.

Dan’s face dropped into a glare, causing Phil to chuckle even more.

“I grabbed the box of mini ones we got to make the mold with,” Dan finally stated, pulling over the box so it would be on-screen in front of the two of them.

“Awesome, let’s jump in,” Phil smiled, grabbing the box from where Dan had left it in front of them, starting to pull out some of the candy canes.

Dan vaguely felt like Phil was hijacking his video more than he would have liked, but maybe with more air time for Phil in Dan’s series, it would get more views. 

Dan watched Phil delicately unwrap the candy cane from the plastic and place it into the mold-maker, thinking about how two people with such steady hands could engage in such different work.

“Look good?” Phil asked, showing Dan.

“Looks good. Oh, by the way can I use your new dehydrator?” 

“You sure can,” Phil exclaimed, getting up to head over it right away. Dan figured Phil wanted to show him how it worked, so even though Dan wasn’t quite ready to use it, he followed Phil over to the fermentation station.

“Alright, so when you open it up you can see right inside we got two nice large fans, right, so those really push the air around and make whatever’s inside dry up real nice.”

Phil closed the door of the dehydrator.

“Up here you can set a timer for how long you want it to run for and over here with this dial you can change how much air the fans are blowing and this one over here changes the temperature-” Phil went through and detailed each and every feature his new dehydrator came with while Dan politely listened. After about five minutes of filming, Phil was finally done explaining how it worked, and Dan thanked him, saying he was going to go grab the mint leaves he’d pre-ordered for the episode.

“Wonderful!” Phil followed Dan to where he’d been storing the leaves.

It became clear to Dan that Phil was in this for the long-haul, so Dan asked Phil how long he thought they should keep the leaves in the dehydrator for.

“There’s a fair amount of moisture in them because they’re from a plant, so maybe overnight and we check them in the morning,” Phil suggested.

“Great, and in the meantime we can test out that mold you made.”

“Awesome,” Phil replied in a deep voice for what Dan assumed was comedic effect.

The two returned back to Dan’s station where Dan started to make the same sugar mixture he had for his first test. “I think I like this mixture I made, but the first one was really just to see the logistics of this, I wasn’t really paying attention to the sugar to see if this is what I want to end up using or not,” Dan mentioned as he stirred, leaning over his mixing bowl slightly.

Dan felt Phil lean over his shoulder to glance in his mixing bowl, and Dan stopped whisking to turn and give Phil another glare. It had the desired effect, and Phil backed off, but Dan wasn’t sure if he did it for himself or for the camera.

Dan continued stirring before pouring his mixture into the pot he’d had Phil place on the stove for him. Dan turned the burner on and placed his candy thermometer in, leaning against the oven as he stirred the sugar.

Phil came and stood next to him. For the first time this whole video, Dan wished the camera wasn’t rolling so they could have an honest conversation, but for now it was casual conversation.

When the sugar was ready, Dan poured it out and let it set, getting Phil to help him pull it when it was cool enough to touch.

Phil placed some in the mold, and although it worked, he wasn’t quite as happy with the sugar as he could have been. When he bit it, it was a bit chewy and didn’t have that distinct crack and the crumble effect of a real candy cane.

Dan voiced his thoughts to Phil, who seemed genuinely interested in what Dan had to say. 

“It’s getting late, I think I’m going to run one more test and then call it quits for today, and we can start day two tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.”

Dan made one more batch of sugar to cook down while Phil watched, this time letting it sit a little longer and get a bit hotter.

Dan was happier with the results this time, but felt that after a good night’s rest (in theory) he could come back and make an even better version the next day. Dan let Phil help him clean up this time, and by the time they were done, they were the only ones left in the kitchen. The camera man had been running low on battery again, and decided to wrap up filming a bit early, as they would have enough content for the video without him needing to film the two cleaning up.

Phil waited for Dan in the foyer while Dan put his coat on.

“We make a good team,” Phil smiled.

“We do,” Dan agreed sincerely.

“Maybe they’ll give us a show together some time,” Phil joked.

Dan turned to him as they walked down the hall.

“I would like that, Phil.”

[torentialtribute]

Ashes 2019: Steve Smith hands Australia commanding lead in opening Test after second superb century

The ball threw outside the tree stump, spit the worn and ultra-dry surface of Edgbaston and turned sharply to Tim Paine bowl through the gate. It was the perfect dismissal of the off-spinner, but it was the moment that England summarized & # 39; s desperate first test position.

Even Moeen Ali could scarcely summon the energy to celebrate a classic example of his art to fire the Australian captain because it was far too little and too late to stop England with just a monumental fight for survival in their fort Birmingham .

If only Moeen could have come up with something similar, much earlier for the man who produced one of the great Ashes performances here in Steve Smith, this first Ashes episode might have followed a completely different script.

Steve Smith from Australia registered another century in Edgbaston to pile up the pressure on England on the fourth day of the test

Talisman's great battle of 142 handed Australian commander lead and took up his second century of Testing

Smith is now the third Australian who has struck a century in every inning of an Ashes Test

Instead, the first spinner in England, deprived of all confidence with the bat, was outraged in the same way with the ball on a fourth day pitch in his hometown that could have been made for him when Australia seized the initiative after three coercive, evenly aligned in the days.

And while the extraordinary Steve Smith, the first became Australian makes two centuries in an Ash test since Matthew Hayden 16 years ago, at is comfortable the difference between these sides, England & # 39; s bowling yesterday barely helped .

Any plan for England to take advantage of green fields in these Ashes with the party seams Dukes balls from last year, just like in the 2015 series, has been absorbed in a dust cloud of an Edgbaston surface that is in instead tailor made for spin.

It has hardly helped England to be a bowler since Jimmy Anderson stumbled the first morning while Chris Woakes was mysteriously limited to just seven overs yesterday when Australia piled up misery and ran.

But the hour is coming, England hoped, the spinner who has been exceptional with the ball since he last returned to India in direct contrast with his ever-decreasing return with the ball. Unfortunately Moeen just couldn't deliver.

Chris Woakes (second left) finally celebrates Smith's wicket on day four, but the damage had already been done

But the controversies ial figure left for a respectful reception from all corners of the ground after his day four heroic deeds

Matthew Wade got stuck in the second century of the innings of only 132 balls to increase Australia's lead

Wade celeb reviewed with Captain Tim Paine after playing a crucial role in the dominance of Australia in the test

He had made a reasonable start Saturday night by sending Cameron Bancroft back, but from the moment Moeen cast a spinning moon & # 39; no ball over Smith's head in his first yesterday yesterday it was clear that this would not be his day.

By the time Moeen finally produced that mother-of-pearl to throw Paine, he had disappeared for more than a hundred runs around five years and older and Australia were perfectly positioned to push for their first win today England & # 39; s favorite ground since 2001.

And the worst charge against Moeen & # 39; s view is that he was emaciated by Joe Root and even Joe Denly when the captain desperately turned to the fractures of the Kent man.

It would of course be a completely different story if it wasn't about the remarkable comeback of clearly still the best test batsman in the Smith World War in his first test since his world fell apart in Cape Town 16 months ago

Australia had started just 34 ahead and with the balance still slightly in favor of England, but by the end of the fourth day they were completely wiped out and left without a better idea how to get Smith from what they did when these parties last met in Australia.

Subsequently, Smith scored 687 runs in the series and he is already there until 286 in one after the other excellent rendering of his highly individual style had distracted England and did as much as humanly possible to the most raw to soothe crowd in English cricket.

England Stuart Broad and his teammates continued to exchange a destroyed LBW for an assessment

Tim Paine had been thrown clean by Moeen Ali while the visitors threatened and running away with the competition

Smith was already flawless. He just flicked Ben Stokes wide from leg trench at 74 and would have ended up at 133 if Root had come behind the stumps to collect Denly's exceptional pitch from the deep. Otherwise, there was no chance.

It says it all for Smith's redemption that even the bulk of this crowd, who loudly but never too ominously reminded the compromised former captain of his mess with the ball past during this test, rose to him when he again reached three digits.

And it says everything about Smith & # 39; s hunger for flights that he looked broken to be rejected wafting on a broad from Woakes for & # 39; only & # 39; 142 before he recognized the whole ground and even raised his bat to the Hollies Stand that had mocked him.

This time, Smith, who had saved Australia from the depths of 122 in the first innings, had successive support. from Travis Head and then spectacular in a stand of 126 from Australia became goalkeeper specialist batsman in Matthew Wade.

[1945908] called in home skipper Joe Root and his teammates had become an almost insurmountable target when Australia turned on the style

Wade rushed to his third test century and hit more boundaries than Smith, surviving the latest howler monkey from referee Joel Wilson who wrongly and sadly rewarded lbw to Stuart Broad with the new ball before they became a third victim for Stokes.

James Pattinson and Pat Cummins waved productively until Paine gave England a certain hypothetical 398 to win, but surprisingly only seven overs to survive on day four

It was a display of conservatism of Paine that helped England survive without loss until the end, but now that it was Nathan Lyon's turn and England bounced, England today has a powerful job of passing this first unscathed test. And no matter what happens today, they will have to think a lot before these teams meet again at Lord in 10 days.

Source link

[flauntpage]

Your Monday Morning Roundup

The weekend began with blowouts for the Phillies before things got better on Sunday.

The Brewers scored 12 runs on 13 hits in each of their two wins over the Phils on Friday and Saturday. Ryan Braun homered twice Friday night, while Ji-Man Choi recorded his first ever grand slam off Luis Garcia on Saturday.

So with Zach Eflin on the mound yesterday afternoon, the Phils avoided an embarrassing sweep with a 4-3 win. Eflin led the way with a nine strikeout performance. The Phillies scored all of their runs Sunday on either walks or plays that resulted in an out. So the offense, which recorded four hits, is still struggling.

The miserable road trip out west continued at home this weekend. After a hot start to the season, are the Phillies falling back to Earth? Rhys Hoskins came back Saturday and hit a three-run homer, which was the second best thing to happen this weekend for the team. Other than that, it wasn’t fun.

Well except for the reunion of the 1993 team sans Dutch, Lenny Dykstra, and Jim Fregosi. Curt Schilling, a former teammate of Gabe Kapler when they were with the Red Sox, still keeps in touch with the current Phillies manager:

Schilling says the two have texted each other frequently this season.

“I have been texting him all year, back and forth, been in his ear a little bit and trying to find from my side what it is like and what he is going through,” Schilling said.

Kapler was second-guessed in his first game as manager when he pulled Aaron Nola with a 5-0 lead, a runner on second and one out in the sixth inning after the righthander had thrown just 68 pitches in an eventual 8-5 loss to the Braves.

“I was laughing because I am a pitcher and I was offended when he went out there and took his pitcher out after five or six innings,” said Schilling, a noted workhorse who had 83 career complete games. “But he is never going to make the same mistake twice, and I think that is a huge thing. He is accountable.”

The Phils have a day off today to regroup. They’ll start a three-game series with the Colorado Rockies at Citizens Bank Park Tuesday night. After that, they’ll see the Brewers again, but this time in Milwaukee.

In two weeks, the team will play in Washington against the Nationals. For some reason, the game was picked for Sunday Night Baseball:

The Phillies-Nats game on June 24 has been picked for ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball. It’ll be the Phillies’ first time on since April 21, 2013.

— Matt Gelb (@MattGelb) June 10, 2018

Before we continue, a word from our sponsors:

Legal. Check out Krasno, Krasno and Onwudinjo when you need a workers’ compensation or social security attorney.

True friend of the crown. It’s Phillies season. Shop now.

Fresh. The best meal delivery service, without question. Sign up for Hello Fresh now and get $40 off your first two boxes.

Amazon. If you shop Amazon, support your favorite website and use our link.

The Roundup:

The Sixers can finally move on from “Collargate.” They’ll have a number of draft prospects coming in today, including Miles Bridges and Lonnie Walker IV. Mikal Bridges will workout for the team tomorrow.

Kevin dives into prospects the team might take with the 26th pick.

Some final “Collargate” stuff. Woj mentioned Bryan Colangelo wanted to get rid of Brett Brown and replace him with either Mike D’Antoni or Jay Wright. What if.

The big question is who will replace the man with the big collars? Brett Brown will assume Colangelo’s role until a permanent GM is found.

Speaking of Bryan Long Collars, Game of Zones and the Malamut brothers did a great job of mocking him and the entire burner account saga.

There’s video of Markelle Fultz shooting on his back, which matches what “Still Balling” tweeted out.

Finally, Joel Embiid is officially on LeBron recruiting mode:

Trust The Process!!!! Find a new slant @KingJames

— Joel Embiid (@JoelEmbiid) June 9, 2018

The Eagles are off today, but start mandatory minicamp tomorrow, which runs through Thursday. They had some fun this weekend at the Kenny Chesney concert:

.@Eagles Doug Pederson hoisting the Lombardi Trophy in front of a sold out Kenny Chesney concert is EVERYTHING #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/BrFcq4LBey

— Cindy Webster (@CindyWeb94) June 10, 2018

Super Bowl Champion Doug Pederson leading an EAGLES chant because he’s the GOAT pic.twitter.com/rPdakVzHVJ

— Drew Corrigan (@Dcorrigan50) June 10, 2018

So much for the team “abandoning their fans” last week. Stupid politics.

Everyone on the team wants to win another Super Bowl, including Brandon Graham, who enters this season on the final year of his current contract.

One of the new guys on the team is wide receiver Mike Wallace. He’s in love with the playbook:

“There’s enough to go around for everybody,” Wallace said. “So that’s what makes it great. It’s not just one guy do this. … Just studying my playbook, I got excited. I can see why they score so many points. The type of plays they have, it’s hard for us to learn, so I know it’s going to be hard for defenses to stop.”

Wallace added that the Eagles can put “anybody in any spot,” and coach Doug Pederson is fond of mixing personnel. Look for that to continue this season with the depth the Eagles have assembled on offense. There will be times when they play heavier packages with two tight ends after the addition of Dallas Goedert. They can spread teams out with four wide receivers. They can use multiple running backs, with Darren Sproles as a chess piece. It’s not just one player.

Rasul Douglas had an up-and-down rookie season. He thinks he’s gotten better, but so has the entire cornerback group:

“It’s just hard,” Douglas said this week about the crowded corner situation. “We all come here with the same goals to compete, and be the guys who play a lot of snaps, but we all don’t use that as a model of [hoping the other guy fails]. We all talk to each other. We’re all tight friends — we do everything together, play video games together, watch film. We’re a family.

“I feel like every spot is open right now. … You’ve got to show the coaches you can play, and that you understand everything mentally. Physically, we’re all in the league for a reason. Mentally, can you sustain the playbook, can you be a guy we can depend on to make plays and be the same person every day?”

Schwartz indicated recently that he sees Douglas as an outside corner. There has been talk that Darby could be traded, but if he is, Jones might have the inside track on replacing him, and Mills seems to have a firm grip on the other outside spot.

“I like myself outside, but I can play anything – I can play safety; I can play corner, nickel — it doesn’t really matter,” Douglas said. “I think [Schwartz] has given everybody a chance at practice one day to play the nickel spot.” Douglas acknowledged that smaller, shiftier players are more likely choices there.

Could the Eagles be interested in two players that might enter the NFL Supplemental Draft?

A big guest is coming on the next episode of Snow the Goalie!

I'm happy to announce that our guest on this week's edition of the #SnowTheGoalie podcast, part of the @CrossingBroad radio network, will be @NHLFlyers general manager Ron Hextall.

Have any questions for Hexy?

Shoot them to me and my co-host @JoyOnBroad

— AntSanPhilly (@AntSanPhilly) June 10, 2018

Could the Flyers target center Jesperi Kotkaniemi, one of the top centers in the NHL Draft, as a option by trading up?

In other sports news, the Golden State Warriors won their second straight NBA championship and third title in four years after sweeping the Cleveland Cavaliers in what could be LeBron’s last game with the Cavs. Kevin Durant was named Finals MVP for the second year in a row.

Justify won the Belmont Stakes and became the 13th Triple Crown winner in history and the second in four years. Bob Baffert won his second Triple Crown. But did one of his other horses block competitors to help Justify win?

Sports betting has begun in Delaware and might begin in New Jersey soon. Here are guides for how to spend your money on sports.

In the news, flooding across the city forced I-76 eastbound to shut down earlier today.

We’re a day away from the monumental summit between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un.

At the Tony Awards, Robert De Niro said this:

Robert De Niro provided a memorable moment at the #Tonys when he walked on stage and said "F*** Trump!"…twice pic.twitter.com/tDit5pYHo0

— Newsweek (@Newsweek) June 11, 2018

The post Your Monday Morning Roundup appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Your Monday Morning Roundup published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[changspain]

Going out, but not out out

Barcelona beach is long and picturesque, looking along its boardwalk the hordes of lounging bodies are framed by grand red mountains at one end and a huge glass hotel at the other. We walked towards the enormous hotel and guessed how much a penthouse room would cost for one night and what perks you would get. As we were all financially stricken the conversation soon moved to what self-deprecating act we would perform for one night of luxury – a recurring topic of conversation throughout our trip was how much of our dignity we would lose for what gain and it turns out I would do essentially anything for £50. We passed a volleyball court and were too nervous to ask to play but justified our decision by stating that the players weren’t to our standard. At the hotel, which had a huge W on it like Wayne Towers, we turned and headed back along the boardwalk to find a spot to sit and swim. We passed a nude part of the beach and looked at the naked Spaniards with curiosity and a sort of respect. I do not know whether the section of the beach with the most nude people was the nude part or they just naturally gravitated to each other. Walking by was like watching an episode of Naked Attraction[1], there was a huge range of body shapes particularly between two men – one was stacked and had a massive dick and the other was slightly podgy and had what I can only describe as a child’s penis. I didn’t point this out to the others because saying that somebody has a small penis is the hallmark of somebody who has a small penis themselves. We bought some cheap beers at a corner store and settled on a patch of bare beach next to two American college students and an extremely fit topless woman, in our defence we didn’t notice her until we had sat down. Seamus had bought a 40oz and had probably poured away a quarter “for the dead homies” before we actually sat down but at 30 cents a litre the homies can have it. We drank and listened to the two American college students call over a random girl and start chirpsing her. Slowly their conversation became dominated by the hotter American and the random woman as the podgy ginger American stared solemnly into the blue waves, wondering where all the time went. The main American had an interesting flirting technique – he asked questions in with such rapid speed the woman barely had time to answer like he was on a speed dating evening and another random girl would appear any second. Also, because the questions shot out at such quantity they were often vacuous and nonsensical, he asked “Do you like travelling?” which seemed pretty fucking obvious considering she was on holiday in Barcelona. This was followed by “What is your favourite sangria?” which I didn’t hear the answer to as our own random woman sat down opposite to us stating she was tired. I thought perhaps the whole beach was a mass speed dating session and I perked up ready to ask my own meaningless questions. Unfortunately, it became clear she was only trying to sell a bar crawl to us. Me and JUGB became bored and laid back as Ivy took the brunt of the sales pitch, she caught our attention when she said that it was 4 euros more expensive for boys than for women – it made complete sense but was still entertaining for us to take an ultra-liberal stance against the apparent sexism. She clearly believed she may have had 5 prospective punters as she panicked slightly as her sales pitch was being blown wide open by these irrational tourists. She fell back on some stereotype about her being Russian or something but we had become bored by her again. Me and JUGB got up and went to the sea and dove into the temperate, salty Mediterranean. A rogue volleyball smashed me in the head and out into the sea, I swam out further to get it and I found out I couldn’t swim to save my life, I looked back at the 20m to shore and thought I may need JUGB to rescue me which I’m sure wasn’t far off a few girls’ fantasy but for me would have been highly embarrassing. I made it back but probably looked like a floundering spider struggling to not fall down the plughole of a shower.[2] I dragged my body out the sea then back to where Ivy, Luke and Seamus were sat, saleswoman of the year had left but was soon replaced by another offering a different deal but we sent them away. Behind us some Dutch 30 year olds had started kicking a ball around and I went to join. The game was very lawless and I gradually worked out we had to vaguely keep the ball in the air in the most inefficient way possible, any sort of safe touch was frowned upon but smashing it in the air was applauded. I was instantly named Crouchy due to my lanky pale physique, apparently this is still good chat in Holland. The game was to a relatively high standard and I got chatting to one of players and found out he was an Arsenal fan which didn’t sit well with me I was a Spurs fan, I told him this expecting some more 4/10 banter but he replied saying he also loved Spurs. Luke called me away from the game and I left more bemused about football than I had ever been before. We walked down the boardwalk back to a Metro station with plans to get bottles of sangria and smash the clubs.

We picked up some Don Simon for such an unbelievable price the store owner may as well thrown in his eldest daughter as well. Our particular hostel did not allow drinking inside its walls[3] so we ran into the room to get changed and grab some more money. The male half of the Spanish shaggers was still in bed and I doubted he had moved at all that day – his life of lying in bed and waiting for his girlfriend to come back and have sex seemed pretty cooshti but I didn’t have time to throw him some quizzical looks as we had sangria to attend to. We drank the sangria in double cupped plastic beakers with heaps of ice in the street whilst listening to the weirdest songs I could find on Ivy’s iPhone[4]. We then headed for a cheap tapas bar the receptionist at the hostel had recommended us, I had developed an imaginary narrative where the reception girls were all intensely in love with me simply because they told us not to buy a tourist bus ticket because it was a rip off, in my eyes that translated to true love. Due to this relationship, I was confident she had sent us to the best tapas bar in Barcelona, but it turned out it was maybe 50m down the road and she was simply trying to get rid of me. We had to queue for a table but sat at the bar and had some beers. One thing that I’m sure annoys every English person in Spain is the way they pour beer, essentially with massive head. It would be acceptable if the head remained but it always instantly dissipated leaving a tear evoking gap at the top of the beer like a ghost has swigged a bit and evaporated. This phenomenon is especially frustrating to me and JUGB who both work or have worked in pubs.[5] Me, Luke and Seamus all ordered the vegan hamburgers whereas Ivy and JUGB ordered a highly eclectic mix of tapas. Our hamburgers came and were decent for the price we paid but weren’t anything to write home about, however 3 sangrias deep and 3 more beers on top we couldn’t have cared less. Meanwhile, JUGB and Ivy had received some delicious patatas bravas (that I also promptly ordered after tasting theirs) then a single croquette that looked awfully lonely on an empty plate – they romantically split it. There was then a long, increasingly anxious wait for the rest of their food and 30 minutes into this wait they asked where the rest was, the waitress stared at them blankly and explained the kitchen was shut. Panic ensued and the kitchen whipped up some sort of spicy pork dish but on closer inspection we found it to be entirely fat and inedible, JUGB offered the theory that perhaps that’s how the Spanish liked it – but we all knew they had just thrown whatever was in the bin onto a spicy bowl of tomato. I prodded the gelatinous blob and turned to see Seamus asleep in his chair, clutching his tote bag – a portrait that would very much become a theme of the trip.

We sent Seamus on his way home and headed towards the clubbing area of Barcelona that was perhaps a 30 minute walk. Ivy and Luke were craving some fags and insisted on stopping at every corner shop and asking if they had any, I didn’t understand why they wanted some pre-emptively or why no shops actually stocked them. They darted off part way down an avenue and sourced one, probably out of a bin or man in a drench coat. As we reached the clubbing district we were inundated with offers of ice cold beer for a euro by man clutching packs of Estrella. I thought that if we were here another night we could have played a drinking game which consisted of shotgunning every beer that is offered to you – even if you didn’t drink anything previously you probably wouldn’t make it to a club which in my books is the criteria of a successful night. I ushered every salesman away because I wasn’t really drinking and for a euro the beers were a rip off when you could spit on the face of a supermarket employee in exchange for a bottle of premium beer elsewhere. I had received a tip from a friend that a fun, cheap night out was Jamboree and this was consistent with other suggestions we received from various locals so our first port of call was Jamboree. We arrived and were greeted by large neon red letters and a dark entrance shrouded in velour curtains and burgundy rope barrier, I thought for a moment that this had all been a stitch up and Jamboree was an exceptionally boisterous strip club. This thought was quickly destroyed when I spied the customary conceited ticket girl sat on her throne of bureaucracy. I am yet to find anybody more unreasonable than the attractive girls sat at the entrances of clubs, I rarely remember the ticketing girls exist as they lie in the liminal space between the gutter-thug bouncer and the void of the dancefloor but whenever I attempt to communicate with them I am treated to a glare that very effectively conveys the phrase: “I’m stamping you with this random logo, or you’re fucking off. Either way - I don’t give a shit.”. The other part of my tip was that Jamboree was free but the bouncer quickly explained it wasn’t. I don’t know whether it had been free when my friend went or whether she had got in free because her and her four friends were all fit[6] – I heavily suspect the latter. We stepped out the queue and back into the clubbing plaza.[7] Me and Luke had made an ultimatum on the way down that if the club cost any money we would go home, but something between JUGB’s bubbly attitude and Luke shotgunning a beer in competition with Ivy persuaded us that 5 euros entry was a reasonable offer. I was the most sober and therefore the most unwilling to go in but I am sure there is some sort of mathematical coefficient between amount drunk and accuracy of value assessment, in the daytime offer me a 1kg of chips smothered in cheese for £3 and I’d probably rather blow my brains out but the same deal 27 beers deep and I’ll snap your hand off – clearly to JUGB and Ivy 5 euros was the deal of the century.

We re-joined the queue and I had to face the smug smile as the same bouncer we had previously turned away in disgust to. I then had to depart with a crisp 5 euro note that was snaffled up by the girl on the till, I have seen more personality in a Tesco self-service checkout machine than that girl had but at the same time she had probably seen more original chat from a brick wall than I possessed. We headed downstairs and to the dancefloor, it was maybe half full and I vividly recalled the moment the ticket girl snatched my money out my hand and felt a grave misjustice had occurred. I couldn’t decide whether a snide Trip Advisor review or a letter to the Industrial Tribunal of Fair Transactions was the best course of action but JUGB interrupted this thought saying that he was going to the bar for a drink. On the main dancefloor was a couple erotically grinding on each other, who I had to check were not the couple from the hostel, and three drunk Australian girls. There were also the regular rogue men who had stumbled out of some bar crawl, enticed by the femme fatale from the beach earlier, and had found themselves in a club playing music 10 years too modern for them. I began my standard ironic dancing routine of whipping and performing ridiculously large, yet careful foot and arm movements. This was relatively well received by my fellow clubbers and the Australian girls curiously watched me from afar, this attention vanished when me and Luke started taking pictures with a large fake Hennessy logo located near some seating. The music was mainly popular R&B but not the good kind and the DJ separated the Drake that wasn’t Drake with the J-Dilla horn that constantly tricked me into thinking he was about to play something from Donuts, I thought ‘Last Donut of the Night’ would be a fittingly melancholic song to the motley crew I saw before me. Gradually, the club filled up but our neighbours on the dancefloor remained the same except for the introduction of a camp Asian man who kept crouching very low and cocking his head to one side and cupping his ear whilst pointing at women, I didn’t understand what it meant but his fans fucking loved it. Me and Luke went to the bar to get some water, I accepted they probably wouldn’t give us a free glass because we weren’t absolutely smashed but it was worth a go. I stood next to a 40 year old Spanish man who kept pushing into me then smirking and staring at me when I looked at him, I thought about carefully explaining to him how ridiculous it was for him to be here in excruciating and depressing detail but ended up saying: “Y’alright there mate?”. He didn’t answer. He became less verbose when his girlfriend/wife came over and dragged him out the queue for some sort of telling off – perhaps I was the lame one and he was operating on several levels of irony higher than me. The bar staff predictably refused us our water and we headed upstairs to find Ivy and JUGB. I hadn’t realised there was an upstairs and preferred its atmosphere, mainly there was no couple rubbing alongside my leg – I got enough of that at my hostel. We danced on a raised stage for a bit then went back downstairs then decided it was time to leave, it was about 3am but the club was still filling up but we were all shattered. On the walk home we waved away 138 beer sellers and several taco sellers. The tacos were tempting but after seeing the fourth man selling the exact same tacos I became more interested in the wholesaler who had a monopoly on the drunk taco market than the potential of buying an actual taco.

When we arrived back at the hostel I sat down on a chair in the communal room to check my messages and drink some water. JUGB came out of our shared room instantly and told me a woman was now sleeping in his bed. It later turned out to be an Algerian woman who had introduced herself earlier that day and I firmly stand by the opinion that she wanted JUGB to join her, the other idea was that she had moved beds to escape the noises of the Spanish couple. Me and JUGB went to the reception and explained the situation to the young guy behind the desk. He said: “This is impossible, you need a bed to sleep in.”, he had hit the nail on the head but his attitude very much implied that this was JUGBs fault – I later told JUGB to be less alluring. The receptionist stormed to our room, slammed on the lights, luckily the Spanish couple weren’t having sex for once, and located him another bed. I too found a different bed, one further away from the Spaniards and fell asleep researching the best way to drive to our campsite tomorrow.

[1] I don’t know where this is a popular reference or an obscure one. Basically, it was a show on Channel4 where you stare at naked people – would recommend.

[2] This often occurs in my shower at home because I never notice them hanging around near the taps. I’m forced to watch helplessly as they battle with the inevitable, I tend to step out the shower before I start developing a metaphor between the spider’s battle and my life.

[3] I know, not a fucking hostel is it.

[4] Wu-Tang Clan and Danny Brown didn’t match the mood of a quiet medieval Spanish street, but neither did our unapologetic English street-drinking.

[5] I have seen someone hung for pouring a bad pint.

[6] Shouts out Mady Dean.

[7] Very much NOT its official name.

[junker-town]

NFL Dad: Watching Week 2 with sick kids and a barfing dog

Every week, one intrepid dad watches RedZone with two young children in his apartment. This week: broken bones, a fever, and dog vomit — many of which are metaphors.

My daughter broke her clavicle last week. It’s a common injury for young children, not just Tony Romo. She fell out of a chair a few minutes before we had to leave for her second day of preschool, and I didn’t think it was a serious injury at the time. “We have to go! Can’t miss the second day of school!” was my thinking. I should be an NFL team doctor.

So she’s in a sling for Week 2 of the NFL season (and for the next four weeks) while my son happily toddles around the house. Just kidding! My son is battling a 102-degree fever and an ear infection. Ha HA! Let’s watch some football!

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— In Pittsburgh, Sam Bradford is a late scratch due to his knee rejecting last week’s touchdown implant. Case Keenum will start, and if I had a bookie I would put my salary on the Steelers today. Instead, I move Adam Thielen to the bench on all three of my fantasy teams.

— I make five picks against the spread every week for Team OddsShark in the Las Vegas SuperContest. After a disappointing Week 1 (1-3-1), my picks this week are the Eagles +5.5 at the Chiefs, the Bucs -7 versus the Bears, the Broncos +2.5 versus the Cowboys, the Seahawks -14 versus the Niners, and the Lions +3.5 at the Giants.

I’m not sharing these picks publicly so that I can be held accountable as some kind of “expert.” It’s more to explain my rooting interests as the day goes on.

— The Pats score the RedZone Channel’s first touchdown of the day when Tom Brady lofts a pass for Rex Burkhead, capping a 10-play, 75-yard drive. It’s gonna be a long game for the Saints.

Hey, remember when the Saints were awesome at home? Now it’s just a place for them to score lots of points in a loss. The Patriots miss the extra point. I’m not too concerned about it affecting the outcome of the game.

— Not that I’m looking for silver linings, but my daughter is the ideal kid for convalescence. She’s enamored with books, and her linguistic learning is superior to her physical development. The day after her injury, she spent four straight hours on the couch, just sweating through the pain while my wife read her dozens of books.

Eventually, my wife cued up an episode of Sesame Street for her, which is a big deal since the only TV my kids usually see is whatever football they can absorb on Sundays. I didn’t think she retained any of that episode until this morning, when she picked up the menu from a local donut joint, held it up to her face, and went, “OM NOM NOM NOM NOM.” Cookie Monster has staying power.

— The Saints kick a field goal to cut the Pats’ lead in half. An Eagles drive stalls in the red zone and they settle for a field goal. Lots of field goals early. TOO many. I DEMAND TEEDERS IN MY PEEPERS.

— While Rob Gronkowski hauls in a 53-yard touchdown, my daughter is sitting next to me with her own keyboard. She knows the alphabet song and recognizes the letters in her name, but putting them together to make words is still in the distance.

I adjust the font on my notes document to a much larger size and type out her name and her brother’s name, saying the letters aloud as I type them. “Now Mommy,” she says. I type MOMMY. “Now Daddy.” I type DADDY. She says aloud the names of friends who’ve visited recently, and they get added in 48-point font.

All movie dialog for credulous aliens is written by someone with a toddler.

I highlight different names and quiz her: “Who’s this?” I say. She gets most of them wrong, but is fascinated by the highlighting, which she calls “blue tape.” This is one of my favorite things of living with someone with a solid base of English but almost no context for the world: highlighting is blue tape, Aaron Rodgers is the Yellow Man, and jerseys are “number shirts.” All movie dialog for credulous aliens is written by someone with a toddler.

— Tom Brady throws a touchdown to Chris Hogan on an illegal pick play that is so obvious, even your dimwitted, distracted columnist sees it. The referees pick up the flag, though, and Brady has his third touchdown of the first quarter.

Tom Brady has now thrown touchdowns to three different white guys.

— Matt Ufford (@mattufford) September 17, 2017

I’m loathe to be one of those writers who embeds his own tweets into his column, yet here I am. The response to the above tweet got every kind of reaction imaginable in America in 2017. There were genuine #MAGA responses, ironic #MAGA responses, people jokingly calling Brady racist, people accusing ME of calling Brady racist, people who pointed out that the feat was accomplished without Danny Amendola and Julian Edelman in the lineup, and people who were mad online that this was the “analysis” I had to offer.

Three thoughts on this:

If you have a visceral reaction to Tom Brady throwing touchdowns to white guys, I strongly recommend amending your worldview.

Really, I just felt bad for people who have Brandin Cooks in fantasy.

Twitter remains a cesspit of humanity.

— Joe Flacco’s arm-punt pins the Browns deep in their own territory. It’s impressive work: the pass is overthrown into double coverage. He sucks so hard.

God, that feels so good to type. Not a joke about whether he’s elite, just “Joe Flacco sucks and the Baltimore offense is eye poison.” Yeah, yeah, he had one good playoff run that led to a Super Bowl win. That makes him half as good as Eli Manning, and that dude sucks too.

— Drew Brees throws a short touchdown to ... Coleman? Who is Coleman? DAMMIT, BREES. Why must you always spread the ball to thirteen different receivers? Just run up the stats with Michael Thomas and Coby Fleener like a NORMAL elite quarterback would, you pyramid-scheming pygmy.

My theory: Brees has been in the league for so long that he’s like an adrenaline junkie who should have died in a stupid stunt years ago. “I CAN’T FEEL ANYTHING UNLESS THE RESERVE FULLBACK SCORES.” The next time RedZone clicks over to the Saints offense, Brees targets Ted Ginn on an end zone fade on third down. (Do I even need to tell you the pass is broken up?) THE MAN IS PERVERSE.

— Mike Glennon, previously seen fumbling the ball to his former team, throws a pick-six to put the Bucs up 24-0. I have closed the book on “Mike Glennon Revenge Game” and opened a file for “Mike Glennon, Buccaneer Sleeper Agent.”

— A dry affair in Kansas City spring to life: a Darren Sproles fumble leads to a Chiefs field goal just before half, and the Eagles appear unlikely to respond with barely any time on the clock. But Carson Wentz’s long pass down the sideline bounces out of cornerback Terrance Mitchell’s hands and into Zach Ertz’s arms. Ertz sprints into the red zone and gets knocked out of bounds with just enough time to attempt a field goal.

Andy Reid calls timeout, icing Philly’s make. The second attempt sails wide, and the Chiefs enter the half with their lead intact. UGH. I hate it when icing works. If the refs can’t blow the whistle before the snap, the kicking team should choose whether the kick counts. What’s one more bad rule in the NFL’s thousand-page refereeing handbook?

— “I falled off a chair.” That’s how my daughter describes her injury, but it’s also a nice metaphor for the first 90 or so minutes of hot, wet garbage on RedZone. Three of eight games have zero touchdowns at the half: KC leads Philly 6-3, the Titans have the same lead in Jacksonville, and the Panthers are up 6-0 at home over the Bills. HOLD ON, FELLAS. Save some of this dogshit football for Thursday night!

SECOND HALF, EARLY GAMES

— Blake Bortles throws an interception, his third turnover. The Bortling is upon us! #PoopinBortles

— The Vikings attempt a fake punt — with their punter throwing — from their own 35. And what are they supposed to do? Hope that Case Keenum wins the game for them?

The Marine Corps instilled in me some adages about hope that I believe in to this day, even as I grow soft and old. One is “Hope is not a course of action,” which is something judgmental captains usually tsk-ed at lieutenants whose plans that didn’t account for every possible outcome. But my preferred saying is “Hope in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up first.”

Anyway, good on Mike Zimmer for not going quietly into the Case Keenum night.

— In Jacksonville, Derrick Henry thumps it in from 17 yards out for a 16-3 lead, and the Jags have no chance to get back in this game unless they score two defensive touchdowns

— Dalvin Cook scores 26 yards out, but he’s ruled down at the half-yard-line upon review. Fullback C.J. Ham vultures the touchdown. ZIMMER!!! I regret saying anything nice about you! Go shit in your hand, you fake-punting turd.

— Chris Hogan comes up two yards short on 3rd and 9, and the Pats kick a field goal out of politeness. It’s not like the Saints were gonna stop a 4th-and-two. This one’s over.

— Hey, the Bears are in the red zone! Down 29-0, they’re the only team with no points yet today. We join them on 2nd and 10:

Josh Bellamy immediately drops a pass. The announcers note that it’s his second drop of the drive.

Kendall Wright drops a pass on 3rd and 10.

The Bears go for it on 4th:

Mike Glennon throws a five-yard crossing route to a covered receiver on a fourth-and-10 down 29 points in the fourth quarter. It didn’t work

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) September 17, 2017

This concludes Chicago Bears RedZone Theater. There will be no refunds.

— A Carson Wentz pass deflects off a helmet and gets intercepted, setting up KC with a short field. One of the things Bill Barnwell and I talked about on his podcast while previewing Week 2 was that Wentz’s tendency to make difficult, highlight-worthy plays masks his inaccuracy on garden-variety throws for an NFL starter. This would be a good example of that.

Kansas City will turn that possession into seven points, with Travis Kelce taking a shovel pass and leaping a defender to score a touchdown pass.

.@TKelce just jumped 5 yard line... And landed in the END ZONE. WOWOWOWOWOW. #ChiefsKingdom #PHIvsKC http://pic.twitter.com/TasZHdfqNS

— NFL (@NFL) September 17, 2017

This is a lot more like the Alex Smith touchdown pass I’m used to than the ones he threw in New England in Week 1.

The Chiefs now lead by seven with the fourth quarter more than half gone, and I’m certain my bet of Eagles +5.5 is hopeless: they’re too hapless on offense to score a touchdown, and they’ll forego any chance of a field goal that would earn them a cover. Woe is me, the first person to know less about football than Vegas bookmakers.

— My daughter (or as my wife calls her, “f***ing FDR in bed over there”) has a severe Rear Window vibe going. Since breaking her collarbone, she has:

worn pajamas all day on Friday;

worn sweatpants all day on Saturday;

only changed out of pajamas after noon today.

And yes, I stand by my reference to a 1954 film rather than acknowledge her very obvious predisposition to follow in her father’s blogging buttsteps.

— I have a lot of notes for the stuff that happens in the Bills-Panthers and Cards-Colts games, but zero inclination to give give them any kind of context or analysis. Oh, J.J. Nelson caught a long pass against Indianapolis? ALERT REUTERS, THE FANTASY OWNERS MUST KNOW.

— My son wakes up after 3-hour nap. He immediately starts housing the macaroni and cheese he was too tired to eat at lunch. After shoving three forkfuls into his mouth, he lets his jaw hang slack, and the pasta tumbles out of his mouth and into the catch of his bib. He switches to the cold pouch of vegetables and fruit.

When we only had one kid, the pre-made pouches were an issue for my wife and me — too much cost, too much waste. We blended up organic concoctions like beets and raspberries for my daughter. But two kids? POUCHES AHOY! I have 12 minutes a week to myself, I’m not spending it making hipster baby food.

Even in small doses, the Browns are too sad for my tastes. And I like Bon Iver.

— The Browns, despite getting meaningful snaps from Kevin Hogan while DeShone Kizer was sidelined earlier by a migraine (surely not football-related!), have the ball in the red zone and the chance to make it 24-17 with more than 11 minutes left. Kizer, though, throws a pick in end zone.

I root for the Browns for approximately five minutes a week while watching RedZone, and it’s STILL too sad for my tastes. And I like Bon Iver.

— The Panthers are up 9-3 (woof) with a minute left, but the Bills are driving. Tyrod Taylor is moving the ball well. The Bills let clock burn instead of using a timeout. On 4th and 11, an open Zay Jones lays out for the catch at the 1-yard line and … drops the ball.

It a brutal way to lose. But also: maybe score more than three points before the final drive?

— Kareem Hunt scores another TD, this one hard-fought in heavy traffic, and that should do it for the Eagles.

bae caught me scorin http://pic.twitter.com/IPSVczIc1N

— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) September 17, 2017

— My next note is simply “Carson Wentz is trash,” but I no longer remember the context. You’ll have to take me at my word.

I suppose this is unfair to Wentz, who’s only in his second year. But I’m sorry: my notes are my notes, and what I write down while possibly distracted by my children and/or seven other games happening concurrently is etched in stone. The man is ginger cheesesteak feces, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

— Hey! The Bears are on the board with 1:43 left. RED LETTER DAY. Who scored? I don’t know, don’t care, and wouldn’t remember if you told me.

— Bortles TD to Hurns! Garbage time is Bortles time, baby! Use the transitive property!

The greatest QB in NFL history is "Blake Bortles down 27 points."

— Frank Schwab (@YahooSchwab) September 17, 2017

Bortles was 11-of-25 for 89 passing yards the entering 4th quarter. He went 9-of-9 for 134 passing yards in the final period. #Vintage

— Mike Kaye (@mike_e_kaye) September 17, 2017

— The Cards are backed up on their own 12-yard line with just under three minutes left with the game tied 13-13, but a long catch-and-run takes them to almost midfield. They are DEFINITELY winning this unless Carson Palmer can throw a back-breaking pick.

But no, they punt. And Colts can’t do anything either; they punt back. The specter of overtime is terrifying. The NFL shortened OT to 10 minutes this offseason, but the REAL solution is one they’ll be too chickenshit to ever make: let a tied game at the end of regulation just be … a tie. Save overtime for the playoffs, when you actually NEED a winner.

I’m serious. I don’t understand why so many Americans (a) think every sporting contest MUST have a winner, and (b) consider this attitude part of their national identity. Is it because our wars keep going to overtime?

Anyway, another successful kicker icing (UGH) leads to overtime, but thankfully Tyrann Mathieu immediately intercepts Jacoby Brissett, setting up the field goal that ends this horrific game.

— Nelson Agholor’s first catch of the day is a meaningless touchdown with 8 seconds left that pulls the Eagles to 27-20.

But then Philly recovers the onside kick! There’s a chance for the Chiefs to blow a 14-point lead in 8 seconds! This would be EXTREMELY Chiefs-y.

Alas, the Hail Mary is tipped out the back of the end zone. I realize that if the Eagles had made the 30-yard field goal at the end of the first half, they would have covered. (*shakes fist at sky*) GAMMMMMBLINNNNNNNG!

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Forget Cowboys versus Broncos. Ignore my Seahawks in their home opener. The only thing I care about is Miami-Los Angeles. Dolphins-Chargers. CUTLER VERSUS RIVERS, HELL YES BABY. It’s exactly like Marino versus Fouts, if all their arm talent was transferred to their faces.

The Chargers have failed to fill an MLS stadium that’s half the size of the smallest NFL arena, and ... is there a hot take here? Did we not see Dean Spanos brazenly screw over San Diego to move the Chargers 100 miles north to a city that already didn’t want the LAST team that moved there?

Carson, California has all the charm of the docks, minus the ocean breeze.

Do y’all know where Carson is, by the way? It’s inland from Long Beach, so it has all the charm of the docks, minus the ocean breeze. Its main draw is an IKEA. Remember the exurban factory blight-hole from the second season of “True Detective”? Carson’s not exactly that, but it’s not NOT that, either. No Angeleno is just gonna drop in on the Chargers this season.

— In Oakland, Marshawn Lynch is back doing what he does best: making the most interesting 3-yard carries in the NFL. The man just inflicts pain on a defense. On third-and-one, he bursts through line, breaks a tackle, and picks up 13 yards.

It’s his first game playing for his hometown team in front of his hometown crowd in the last season they’ll play in his hometown. I hope he scores a hundred touchdowns.

But on first-and-goal from 2, Derek Carr throws a fade to Crabtree. He pulls down the jump ball, and the box was stacked against the run, but I’m still sad for Lynch. In the other room, my daughter is crying, and I want it to be about the Raiders’ play-calling.

— There’s not much you can do about a broken collarbone besides put it in a sling and wait for it to heal. But a sling is a choking hazard for kids, so the doctor recommended that we pin my daughter’s pajama sleeve to her belly at night.

This is an excellent technique, if you want your child to sleep in a bed with open safety pins. After two nights of her thrashing her arm free, we let her sleep unrestrained. She chooses to lie on her injured right shoulder. I’m convinced this will deform her.

— FLEA FLICKER! I love flea flickers, even if the defense never bites on them quite the way I wish they would. This one isn’t all that impressive in terms of results, but check out the hustle Lynch puts into pass blocking after he pitches it back to Carr:

Flea-Flicker Alert! #RaiderNation http://pic.twitter.com/rSEx6IYAsw

— NFL (@NFL) September 17, 2017

This is gonna be a Marshawn Lynch propaganda column every week, and I’m not sorry about. I’m more enthusiastic about Beast Mode here than I am about my own children.

— Russell Wilson has converted three third-and-longs and a fourth down on Seattle’s first drive, but the Seahawks stall out a few yards from the end zone. The telecast has already shown a LOT of Pete Carroll working his gum furiously. On third-and-goal, Doug Baldwin swats away what might otherwise have been an interception. Seattle kicks a field goal.

— Emmanuel Sanders scores a touchdown on a ball perfectly lofted past three defenders to put the Broncos up 7-0.

Defenders everywhere. But it doesn't matter. This @TrevorSiemian to @ESanders_10 TD pass... #BroncosCountry http://pic.twitter.com/HOdRWX0Ztj

— NFL (@NFL) September 17, 2017

— I have to care for my son while my wife and daughter go next door to borrow a cup of flour. C.J. Anderson breaks three tackles to explode for a long run. Want more details? Sorry, my son has wandered into the other room, holding the baby monitor to his ear like a phone.

— A Bobby Wagner interception leads to another Seahawks field goal after another Seahawks stall in the red zone. Did Jimmy Graham get an end zone target? No, why would they do that? Wilson DOES throw a third-and-goal pass to Tanner McEvoy, though, who drops the touchdown. And it’s easy to see the Seahawks’ logic: at six-foot-five, McEvoy is shorter than Graham, but also not as good.

almost like tanner mcevoy hasn't caught 20 total passes since he left high school

— Field Gulls (@FieldGulls) September 17, 2017

I’m not one of those fans who roots for coaches to be fired. That’s why I want all of the coaches responsible for Seattle’s offense to be dropped into an active volcano.

— Lots of red at the Coliseum in support of Washingto — wait. No, sorry, those are just empty seats. Lots of empty red seats.

— I will probably never say this enough (in this space or in real life), but my wife is the hero of this column, of Sundays, of my whole life. If you put me in charge of two toddlers for a day, I will throw them bricks of pre-made food until help arrives and I collapse across the finish line.

But here’s my wife, holding our 16-month-old in one arm while she helps my daughter (herself one-armed) make individual pizzas with the other. There are not enough arms for this work. I take my son and put him in my lap while I type.

He’s fussy from being sick, so I hold him in my arms and cuddle him. Washington is up 10-0 and driving at will, but my son is staring into my face from four inches away. I am definitely breathing in his death-virus. His bright blue eyes are light near the pupil, ringed by a royal blue on the outside, like my father’s. He stares and I stare back, lost in the moment. He lets out a low, rippling fart.

— Disregarding petty things like rooting interests and outcomes, Jay Cutler is my favorite player in all of football.

Jay Cutler slinging a Hail Mary 20 yards out of bounds cracked me up http://pic.twitter.com/erbIPVVkQf

— Mike Renner (@PFF_Mike) September 17, 2017

He just gets me.

— Hey, Marshawn Lynch gets an actual carry on first-and-goal! It goes for zero yards. Crap, here come the end zone fades.

But no! Lynch gets the ball on second down, too. He’s hit immediately, and somehow breaks two tackles in the backfield to gain a yard or two.

On third-and-goal, the Raiders hand it to Lynch again, and he bursts up the middle for an easy score. FEED THE BEAST, YOU CRAVEN PASS-HAPPY COSPLAYERS.

— Even though it’s time for dinner and his bath, my son, groggy with exhaustion, goes down for a nap. My daughter rejects her pizza because part of the crust got stuck to the pan. All of her food must be WHOLE. You should’ve seen the tantrum I weathered because I cut her sandwich in half once. You could have seen it; it happened in public.

— Jimmy Graham is helped off the field after an apparent knee injury. On one hand, I’m stricken with concern. On the other is all of the world’s sarcasm, packed more densely than a neutron star. “Well gosh! Now he can’t do all that nothing for the Seahawks offense!”

Luke Willson, next up on the depth chart, immediately gets three targets. By the end of the game, my molars will be smooth like a stone shaped by the ebb and flow of millennia of tides.

— Carlos Hyde breaks off a 61-yarder to put San Francisco in the red zone, but c’mon: we know this won’t be a touchdown. Michael Bennett sacks Brian Hoyer on 3rd-and-six, and eschews his usual hip thrusts to raise a fist in protest.

Michael Bennett celebrated a sack against the 49ers with a raised fist. http://pic.twitter.com/J46niolm4G

— SB Nation (@SBNation) September 17, 2017

My daughter, now eating her pizza, raises a black power fist in solidarity. She’s gonna turn out all right.

— Todd Gurley hurdles over a defender; a few plays later, Jared Goff dumps it to Gurley on a blitz for 28 yards. I write “these teams are trash” even though they’re both far more entertaining than MY trash team, which has allowed San Francisco to get back in the red zone after the Niners got a huge play by running a draw play on third-and-12.

This sport is bad. The Niners and ‘Hawks go into halftime tied 6-6. I think about taking the Seahawks -14 today. “Maybe the defense will score a touchdown,” I lie to myself.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— I’m facing Jay Cutler in fantasy (it’s a deep league) and I can’t bring myself to root against him. But then, I never root for Cutler’s success or failure: I only root for him to be himself, and that is all he ever is, and that is why he’s never disappointed me.

Devonta Parker makes a tremendous catch down the sideline to set up first-and-goal, and then Cutler is himself. He overthrows a receiver in the end zone, then gets sacked on third down by Melvin Ingram (The Chargers lead the league in Melvins). The Dolphins kick a field goal to take the lead.

— Oh hey, Broncos and Cowboys! It’s the first quarter in this game after a weather delay. Forgot about y’all for a while there.

— Cordarrelle Patterson gets a handoff for the Raiders on 3rd-and-1 around midfield, and he takes it to the house. With his braids and visor, he looks like a very tall and disappointing Marshawn Lynch who is slowing down before the end zone. If Lynch did this, I would celebrate his swag. But it’s Patterson, so I chalk it up to him being a lazy draft bust. I’m an enlightened fan!

— Trevor Siemian gets sacked and fumbles, and the Cowboys recover inside the Denver 5-yard line. What happens next? My neighbors borrow two tablespoons of olive oil, my son gets up from his nap, and my daughter out of the bath running around naked. (Dez Bryant scores a TD, I think.)

— My son is mostly a nonverbal little chimp, but when I ask him, “How’s the pizza, buddy?” he responds, “Good.” I glimpse a future where he’s not communicating by pointing at things and grunting at me, and one of the million tiny weights of parenthood is lifted from my shoulders.

— With Eddie Lacy already a healthy scratch for the Seahawks, Thomas Rawls starts the second half on bench. Chris Carson looks good on three straight runs, and if you have any Seahawks on your fantasy team, I can only remind you: you did this to yourself.

— Jalen Richard scores for the Raiders on a 52-yard rush. I’m happy for them, but I also have an interest in Marshawn’s fantasy success, and these waiver-wire dildos are feasting on the defense that Beast Mode wore down. I DEMAND SATISFACTION, SIRS.

— Another Todd Gurley hurdle (GURDLE), this time for a TD:

Be careful out there, folks. Todd Gurley might be hurdling you as you read this. Head on a swivel!

— My son is walking around, now using a Wii remote as a phone. My daughter throws Magna-Tiles, earning a timeout. NEVER THROW MAGNA-TILES. They are Daddy’s most cherished toy. Seriously, I could build Magna-Tile structures for HOURS if we just had some more of them. Each individual square is like $30.

— Crabtree catches his third touchdown (the Raiders’ sixth). There are still 12-plus minutes left in the 4th quarter, but you know the saying: the game’s over when Marshawn dances on the sideline.

— RedZone has stopped showing Niners-Seahawks altogether, and I respect the decision. I follow the play-by-play on Twitter. Russell Wilson sails two throws on a 3-and-out. I close Twitter.

In the other room, my wife is reading Someday to my daughter, a book with such an emotional punch I sobbed the first time I read it to her — just ugly-crying, gasping for air. My wife and I can now read it without losing our faces, but it still makes me feel like I’m missing out on valuable family time. I pause the TV so I can help with bedtime.

— 7:14 pm: Kids are in bed, and I’m about 25 minutes behind realtime. Emmanuel Sanders catches his second touchdown, and my wife is lying down on our new shag carpet, looking at Instagram. Every day after the kids go to bed, we look at our phones for 10 minutes before engaging each other.

Regarding the Broncos, though: Trevor Siemian is … good? He takes what the defense gives him, throws it away when there’s nothing there, and distributes the ball well to his weapons.

— Cody Parkey puts the Dolphins up 19-17 with 1:05 to play. Rivers is gonna throw a pick, isn’t he?

Not to start, at least. His first pass is a “bullet” — please note the sarcasti-quotes — to Keenan Allen for a first down, then he finds hunter Henry, then Melvin Gordon, then Allen again. Keenan Allen is such a good route-runner; he’s a ton of fun to watch when he’s not inju— (*Allen loses his legs in a freak combine harvester accident*).

What happens next is perfectly befitting a Jay Cutler-Philip Rivers game.

What happens next, in the game’s final seconds, is a comedy of errors perfectly befitting a Jay Cutler-Philip Rivers game. I refuse to hash out the details, but the gist is this: the Chargers try to blow the game with a stupid decision, but the Dolphins bail them out by calling timeout. So Younghoe Koo comes out for the game-winning kick — and for once there will be no icing, because the Dolphins can’t call timeout twice in a row.

And a week after missing a kick that would have sent the game into overtime, Koo ... misses another kick. Oh no. Oh my darling, flipping boy. DON’T CUT HIM, THE FIRST KICK WAS THE LINE’S FAULT.

Scott Hanson, usually happy to direct the viewer to the next bit of action, takes the time to LAMBASTE both teams, saying they’ll both regret their “debauched” decisions. Hell yes. 10/10, best game of the day.

— With the Seahawks (ugh) trailing (UGH) 9-6 (UGH!!), Russell Wilson runs for a first down on third-and-one. There are 10 minutes left in the game and it somehow feels over? Or maybe I just want it to be over? I crave the end of this game and/or the sweet kiss of death.

Touchdown, Seahawks! Wilson evades a hungry pass rush on third-and-seven, rolls to his left, and finds Paul Richardson in the end zone. It’s Seattle’s first touchdown of the season, and it only took them an hour and 52 minutes-plus of game time. Certainly this is a Super Bowl contender, and not a critically flawed team.

Blair Walsh misses the extra point. Niners trail by three. Of course.

— A Jonny Hekker fake punt! The Rams may not have Jeff Fisher around to call the all-fake-punt offense, but they still know who their best player is.

Wait, why am I watching the Rams? I hit fast forward.

— Jamaal Charles gets a carry for the Broncos, who are cruising at altitude. It’s still weird to see him in a Broncos uniform. There should be government subsidies to pay star running backs to stay with their defining teams.

— After a Niners three-and-out, Chris Carson picks up a couple first downs on the ground, and the Seahawks are going to kneel this one out.

My dog starts gagging over the rug. NO! The whole reason we got the new rug is because she barfed on the old one too many times. As she horks, I chase her away from the rug, and she vomits on the hardwood floor instead. She’s a Rottweiler mix, and even as 65-pound dogs go, it’s a lot of vomit.

But I’m thankful, I guess. Cleaning a liter of dog barf off of a hardwood floor instead of out of a shag carpet approximates what I just what went through with Niners-Seahawks. God was a little heavy-handed with the metaphor, but I can at least appreciate the timing.

[divorceddylan]

Divorced Dace

Divorce. Not a word to be thrown around lightly. Maybe that was the worst part, knowing it was serious. Knowing Grace wouldn’t throw the word around unless she’d already thought about it. Maybe the worst part was his unwavering voice when he shouted back to her, eyes dark on the woman he once claimed to be in love with. “Fine by me!” he had screamed, slamming the door on the way out of their apartment. He was just glad Liam was with his parents at the time. That was three days ago. They hadn’t said a single word to each other since. Dylan caught himself staring at her from his place on the couch while she made her own dinner, cooked just for her, just like he cooked just for him. Liam cuddled into his side, laughing through an episode of Family Guy that Dylan had just promised a few days ago wouldn’t affect him when he was older, if anything it would shape his humour into something like theirs. She didn’t quite agree, and when he told her it was because Americans weren’t as laid back, it started world war three. Everything did lately. “You hungry yet, Li?” he mumbled to the miniature version of himself sitting next to him, pulling his eyes away from a blonde head of hair. Liam thought about it for a long moment before he nodded, never pulling his eyes away from the screen. Dylan smiled at their son, the only reason they were still in the same space, and pulled himself off the couch to head to the kitchen. It was kind of small, kind of only really allowed for one person to move around. Since Grace was in there already, he wasn’t going to back down and let her have her space, not when he was trying to feed their son. And god, he had that argument on the tip of his tongue, ready to argue if she told him to leave. His eyes were already dark when he plucked the container of leftover spaghetti from the fridge, too close for comfort. He needed the microwave but he wasn’t going to ask for her to move, no, that would be too polite. He wasn’t about to break their silence. So he waited, jaw clenching while she took her time to get out of the way, letting out a forced huff when she finally peeled herself out of his way. God, he hated that. He did. Dylan didn’t budge from his spot in front of the humming microwave, the sound of their boy laughing from the living room echoing despite how rigid and tense they both were. He didn’t know. Not as much as he should have, at least. They shielded him from it mostly, tried to keep the hushed argument in the space of their room, letting go every now and then when it was too much. He couldn’t forget the look on Grace’s face when he raised his voice a little too high and their son came knocking on their door, worried eyes glancing between them because he was confused, he didn’t understand why mum and dad were yelling at each other. She was the first one to him, wrapping her arms around their son to comfort him while shooting daggers over his shoulder, making Dylan feel like a piece of shit. 

For six months they’d been spiraling, their eight month old marriage taking a beating once they started stressing about bills, about his small income from being a second grade player, about the family she left behind. It was a steady fall of things, until everything became a fight. Anything became a reason to be bitter, to fight until he wasn’t sure why the fight started. Eventually they stopped laughing together, they stopped moving on, they stopped forgiving. And what was left was the divorce swirling above their heads, Grace’s statement leaving them in a chilling silence. It took too long for Liam’s dinner to heat up, but he stood his ground, stirring it with a small fork so he wouldn’t burn the roof of his mouth. When he left the kitchen he could finally relax, letting out a soft breath when he took the spot next to Liam. Grace helped him bathe before he went to bed, Dylan sat in his bedroom and told him all about the place he was flying to the next morning, promising to take him one day. “Are you gonna watch with mum?” he asked him, smiling when Liam grinned and nodded. “Cheer real loud for me, yeah? Love you.” He kissed him on he head, leaving his room with a heavy sigh. There he was again, for the fourth week in a row. On the couch, comfortable with the space, the distance. He didn’t miss Grace kicking him in the middle of the night, pressing her cold feet into his shins. He didn’t miss falling asleep in a tense silence, pressed all the way to one side of the bed just to get away from her, feeling the same bitterness and hurt when she’d do the same. He was able to breathe, sleeping on the couch by himself. In his career, that’s what he needed. When he woke up that morning, it was easy to see the difference. She would usually spring on him in the morning, kissing him to wake him up on game day, preparing him a bowl of weetbix and a plate of fruit before he’d even blinked his eyes open. She’d wish him luck by wrapping her thighs around him, giving him something to remember on the field. They hadn’t had sex in months. They’d share the shower, they’d kiss until Liam was grossed out and covering his eyes, then she’d promise to meet him at the stadium, or promise to call him before he went on the field, the always watching his games. Dylan didn’t even want to think how she treated his away games now. She probably sat on her phone the whole time, only echoing what Liam said to keep up appearances. Something about the difference annoyed him, Dylan jumping into the shower first to rid the kink in his neck. They didn’t talk while he packed a bag, while he threw on his Roosters jacket, even while they brushed their teeth side by side. They didn’t even look at each other. Dylan was standing in the living room with his backpack slung over his shoulder, earphones ready in his ears, checking the time on his phone before he sighed. She was ready for work, ready to take Liam to preschool, and he could only find eyes for his little man. 

“You promise you’re gonna watch?” He asked him, squatting down to be level with their boy. “Yeah, dad.” He grinned, wrapping his arms around his neck. It was for him. Every win from that point on, all for him. Dylan wrapped his arms around him back, letting out a shaky breath when he closed his eyes. “I’ll call you after the game, okay?” he mumbled, pulling back with a sad twinge to his eyes. He could feel Grace’s eyes, her impatience. He stayed still. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” He patted his cheek, asking for a kiss before he got back up on his feet. For the first time in days he made direct eye contact with Grace, feeling the heat behind hers, the love she’d lost for him. He clenched his jaw, strolling past her, out the door without another word. Dylan didn’t have a brand new car, still chugging along in his Nissan from high school, happy to leave it in the underground members only parking lot at Allianz. Gathering onto the first bus, the Holden Cup bus, was a happy place. Laughing faces, protective brothers looking out for one another. He almost jumped when Joe nudged him. “You ‘right?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Dylan nodded quickly, forcing a smile. “Yeah, just tired man.” It was the truth, at least. “You hear about Keary?” He asked, eyes lighting up with the information. Dylan shook his head, confused. He’d been too wrapped up in his own life to even touch his phone. “No.” Joe shook his head, looking towards the end of the bus before he spoke. “Got busted at Kings Cross with a gram of coke. He’s still in custody, and he’s done for the season.” Dylan’s eyes went wide, finally pulling back into the moment. “Holy shit.” Joe laughed, still in disbelief. “Some of the boys reakon he’s been dropped from the team.” That had Dylan huffing out a harsh breath, wide eyed. “Fuck, man, what are they gonna do?” Joe shook his head, shrugging with the lack of information. Dylan really should have checked his phone more often. They team all spoke about it on the plane, while the first graders jumped on the jet to avoid the cameras, the mob of fans. At least they had first class. He didn’t think too much about it, if he was being honest. He was too wrapped up in his family issues, the marriage that was crumbling before his very own eyes. She’d probably file while he was gone. He swallowed that thought, and tried to enjoy the quick flight to Brisbane. He had to keep focused, had to remember who they were up against. 

The Broncos, even just the Holden Cup team, were always a hard team to beat. They deserved his entire concentration, and that’s what he’d give his team. They were back on another team bus straight from the airport, heading to Suncorp stadium to prep, to get ready for the long night ahead of them. They were always first to play, the second graders. They were the people that played while the sun was still in the sky, while the stadium was still filling with people, while people got up to get food before the big game. People didn’t always know their names, and that was okay. They played their hearts out every game. They warmed up before the game inside the locker room, strapping their injuries and securing their boots while their coach went over the drill, went over the Bronco’s weak spots. He took his time getting up, filling into the number seven jersey with the Holden Cup logo on it’s arms. It wasn’t until they were walking down the long hallway that Trevor, their on field coach caught up to him. “They’re watching you.” He mumbled to him quietly, a secret from the team. Dylan turned to him, confusion written in his eyes when Trevor pointed to the box, where the official coaches and directors sat. Dylan only had a second to process and try to understand as he ran out onto the field, ignoring the booing Brisbane fans while he connected the dots. Keary was a halfback. Dylan placed the ball on the stand, lining it up perfectly until he stood up. When he stepped back, he held his eyes on the box full of businessmen in ties, watching every second of the game. Then he saw him. Trent Robinson. The official Roosters coach, there to watch the second grade game. He never was. Dylan felt a sharp breath leave his lungs, focusing back on the ball in front of him. The noise seemed to drown out. Not the physical, not the sound of fans filling the stadium. But Grace, I want a divorce, their son looking up at him with sad eyes because he wasn’t talking to mum. It drowned out. All he heard was the whistle from the ref, and the second his boot touched the ball, soaring it through the air, he was in the game. 

Every tackle felt stronger than the last, every metre he ran made him feel light on his feet, every pass felt perfected. His shinning moment came right before halftime, when he broke through a tackle and had the space to run, pushing through another failed tackle until he was pushing his legs across the field, running to the thirty metre line, twenty, ten, he checked over his shoulder and nobody was even close. He slowed, using one hand to place the ball right underneath the goalposts, grinning when his teammates caught up to him. The wrapped their arms around him like they usually did, never giving him a chance to breathe after running seventy metres across the field. He could feel the camera in his face, he could feel Liam’s eyes on him at home. He did it every time, made an L with his index finger and his thumb, grinning breathlessly when he pinched those fingers together and lifted them to his lips, a show of love for his son. Halftime came and went, Dylan throwing his all into the second half. He kicked a grubber straight to Joe, who pushed it over the try-line to send them even further into the lead. It was the seventy-eighth minute when Dylan had threw a fake pass to the left, causing a gap to open up just metres from the tryline. He got it down securely, two metres out from the goalpost. Try tries, one try assist, twenty-four tackles, three line breaks, four hundred and twenty metres ran. And the got the win. It was one of his best games in a while. He was absolutely exhausted afterwards, showering and calling his parents after the game, promising to see them over the weekend. Dylan sat front row next to his teammates for the big game, the team training while Dylan finally got up the nerve to call Grace. He thought he’d hear her voice, hear her like he used to. but instead, “Daddy?” he smiled despite the shrug off, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “You see that try, huh?” Dylan grinned into the phone, feeling his heart melt at how excited his son was for him. His new number one supporter. He didn’t hear her voice once. The Roosters won the game despite missing Keary, and the two wins met the hotel room was shaking with their yells, their chants and laughing. Dylan tried to participate despite feeling that same nagging feeling in the back of his head, the reminder of divorce. It got so much that he headed back to his room early, letting tears fall for the first time. It was really over. She wanted out, and if he was being honest, so did he. They weren’t the same anymore. They weren’t the couple he remembered, so happy and in love. So he mourned them in private, away from his team, away from his son, away from her. It was easier that way. It would be back into the same silence the next day, he expected. He never would have imagined the amount of missed calls he had on his phone when he made it back to Sydney, finally switching his phone off of airplane mode. They were all from his manager, and for some reason, it made him feel light headed. He didn’t want to imagine what he could say, why he was calling him out of the blue. He remembered Trevor then, could feel the same shiver that ran down his spine. They’re watching you. Dylan was so nervous he didn’t call Michael back until he was sitting in his car, in the underground parking lot of their apartment building. His heart was pounding in his ear, his thoughts running wild with the ideas swirling, the anticipation. It could have been something so stupid, something small and he was just making a big deal out of nothing. Then again, six missed calls seemed excessive. So he stayed in the car, unbuckling the seat belt so he wasn’t so restricted. It only rang once before Michael picked up. “Dylan, oh my god, where have you been?” Dylan was about to answer, it was on the tip of his tongue before Michael interrupted him. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter.” He let out a breath, preparing him for the news, making him anticipate it. “They want you, Dylan.” He could hear the smile in his voice. “They want you to replace Keary.” Dylan’s breath must have cut off after that, his heart following right along with it. First grade. He was frozen, stuck in disbelief and shock, unable to produce a single word. He made it to first grade. “Dylan?” Five minutes later and he was standing outside of their apartment, eyes still blown wide after having agreed to a meeting with the NRL officials on Monday, the shock of it still not wearing off. It wasn’t until he walked inside, until he felt Liam and Grace’s eyes on him, Liam’s little footsteps making their way across the kitchen. He was unable to drop and meet Liam like he usually did. Instead he was upright, a useless hand finding Liam’s head where he was wrapped around his leg, still trying to get it to sink in. “What’s wrong, dad?” Liam sensed it right away, the look on Dylan’s face. Dylan glanced down, blinking himself out of the fog, the haze of the news when he finally let out a breathless chuckle. “I, um,” he swallowed, unable to believe the words that were about to come out of his mouth. He pulled his eyes up to Grace’s then, feeling like she’d understand, that she would know more than anybody what it meant. “I made first grade.”

[wolfdenlin77-blog]

Recapping Twin Peaks: The Return: Part 10

Before watching each week's installment of Twin Peaks: The Return, the titles given for each part offer a nice little hint for what's in store, or, in the cases where the title doesn't provide an obvious prompt, a way to later look back on the element that David Lynch and Mark Frost wanted you to pay the closest attention to from the beginning. The title of Part Nine was This is the Chair, and in that episode, we got some seriously important information from that chair: the directions from the late Major Garland Briggs (Don S. Davis) that will get the Twin Peaks Sheriff's Department closer to understanding where and when and how Special Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) can be found. This week's title, however, is Laura is the One and while we're not left with any immediately accessible explanation for what that means, we know that Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee) is somehow the key element to restoring, and hopefully healing, the toxic sadness now coursing through the metaphorical water supply within the town of Twin Peaks.

If you recall, we learned in Part Eight that Carel Struycken's character, credited so far as just ??????? in The Return, and his cohort in the White Lodge (though I'm personally on the fence that this is what this is) Seorita Dido (Joy Nash) sent the golden goodness of Laura into Twin Peaks to combat the rivaled evilness of Bob (Frank Silva). The essence of Bob was most recently within Dale Cooper's Doppelgnger, who we've been calling Evil Cooper, but was removed by the Woodsmen (led by Robert Broski) and is now god knows where. Even without that essence, the ratio of bad versus good in Twin Peaks and the other new locations (Las Vegas, South Dakota, New York, Philadelphia) leans more on the bad side. Like really, really bad. Twin Peaks used to be a town where, aside from the occasional incest, prostitution ring, and murder, the worst thing to happen on any given day is finding a fish in your percolator. Now, it's a place where pinched-face psycho killers call their grandmother a cunt. So, if Laura is the One, as we've been told by the auteurs themselves, perhaps that means she's the one to finally snap Cooper out of his Dougie stupor; in other words, Laura contains the Prince Charming-esque kiss that's gonna bring him back around. Hell, we'd place a Mr. Jackpots-sized bet on it.

Part Ten opens with another appearance from Richard Horne (Eamon Farren), who we now know beyond the shadow of a doubt is the terrible, terrible god-awful son of Audrey Horne (Sherilyn Fenn) who we still have not seen. He pays a visit to the trailer park where Miriam Sullivan (Sarah Jean Long) lives to try and sweet talk her out of not telling the police that she saw him mow a little boy down with his truck. Unfortunately for her, she tells him she already called and wrote a letter to the Sheriff, to which he gives up the sweet talk and just kills her instead. Ramming his way into her home, we hear the sounds of brutal violence and then the camera lets us peek in to see that not only did he beat her to death, he opened up the gas on the stove and left a burning candle next to it as well. Spoiler: Things are going to get even more heated.

In back to back displays of violence, we go from here to the front of the New Fat Trout Trailer Park where Carl (Harry Dean Stanton) sits in a folding chair strumming Red River Valley on an acoustic guitar. His song is interrupted by a red coffee cup being thrown through the window of a nearby trailer and we go inside that home to see Shelly's daughter Becky (Amanda Seyfried) being manhandled and screamed at by a hysterical, runny nosed Steven - her husband - played very Leo Johnson-y by Caleb Landry Jones. Based on this display, he may even have Leo beat and it seems like Becky might have something worse than soap in a sock coming her way. Those familiar with the original series and Fire Walk With Me might be wondering whatever happened to 'ol new shoes Leo. It'd be interesting to see his storyline wrapped up in The Return along with a few others we're curious about like Donna Hayward (Lara Flynn Boyle, Moira Kelly) for instance. Let's not hold our breath, though.

Meanwhile, at a doctor's office in Las Vegas, Cooper/Dougie is being examined while his temporary (although she doesn't know this yet) wife Janey-E Jones (Naomi Watts) watches, looking visibly pleased that he's mysteriously lost a bunch of weight and is now in excellent shape. Once back home, Janey seduces Cooper/Dougie into the bedroom and the two engage in loud sex (poor Sonny-Jim) and then fall asleep in each other's arms. It will be sad when Janey learns down the line that the man who just gave her what was probably the first orgasm of her marriage isn't actually her husband. With the real (manufactured) Dougie gone, having been sucked back into the Black Lodge and destroyed, she'll be left with no husband at all and doesn't deserve that grief. Janey -E Jones 4-EVR.

In another part of Las Vegas, the Mitchum Brothers (Jim Belushi, Robert Knepper) are watching the news and see a report that Ike the Spike (Christophe Zajac-Denek) has been arrested. Part of the report includes hilarious footage of Janey and Dougie/Cooper after having been attacked by Ike in front of the Lucky 7 Insurance building and the brothers put two and two together that the man who thwarted Ike is also who they previously knew as Mr. Jackpots. They make plans to call off the hit they had arranged on Ike themselves and to set up a meeting with Dougie/Cooper/Mr. Jackpots soon. To further complicate the life of Dougie/Cooper/Mr. Jackpots, we later also learn that Anthony Sinclair (Tom Sizemore), who works with Dougie/Cooper at Lucky 7 and who we already knew was an asshole, is in cahoots with Duncan Todd (Patrick Fischler). With Mr. C breathing down his neck, Todd orders Sinclair to influence the Mitchum Brothers to kill Dougie/Cooper by telling them he's the reason their $30 million insurance claim got turned down. And if that fails, Sinclair will have the do the job himself. Seriously, what if Dougie/Cooper gets killed before Cooper wakes up? Don't rule it out, anything can happen in Lynch land. Anything. Lynch and Frost have already been throwing us curve balls and dragging us around by the nose for 10 weeks now and nothing would be more of a gut punch than killing off the series' most beloved character. We wouldn't put it past them.

Back in Twin Peaks proper, we're gifted with a new installment of former doctor Lawrence Jacoby's (Russ Tamblyn) Dr. Amp show, which Nadine Hurley (Wendy Robie) watches while sipping a protein shake from the desk of her very own business called Run Silent, Run Drapes - a play on the title of the 1958 film Run Silent, Run Deep starring Clark Cable and Burt Lancaster. As Nadine watches, she says he's so beautiful out loud to herself, in reference to Jacoby. Where the hell is Ed? And why does Nadine seem more, well, out of it than usual?

Over at the Horne house, we're happy to see that Johnny (played here by Eric Rondell) survived his nasty encounter with the wall in Part Nine but is not looking very good. He's situated at the dining room table, fully restrained, staring at terrifying teddy bear robot with a Mr. Bill face that also kind of looks like a loaded pot bowl. Soon enough, Richard Horne shows up and, in one of the most difficult to watch scenes ever, violently chokes his grandmother Sylvia (Jan D'Arcy) demanding the code for the safe. Once he clears out not only the safe, but her purse and silverware, he calls her a cunt and leaves both her and Johnny slumped and crying on the floor.

In his hotel room in South Dakota, Gordon Cole (Lynch) is sipping bordeaux and drawing a picture that looks like a tree growing out of a cow with a hand snatching at it when he gets a knock on the door. Upon opening it, he sees a vision of Laura and it's interesting to note that it's her in the Donna, are you my best friend scene from Fire Walk With Me. What could this be trying to tell us? Well, based on the fact that Albert Rosenfield (Miguel Ferrer) is there to tell him about the text that Diane (Laura Dern) received from Evil Cooper (Around the dinner table, the conversation is lively), and that she replied back (They have Hastings, he's going to take them to the site), maybe it's a warning that we can't assume who's a friend anymore.

And finally, the Log Lady (the late Catherine E. Coulson) closes Part 10 with a message from her log to Hawk (Michael Horse) saying electricity is humming, you hear it in the mountains and rivers and that now the circle is almost complete. She also urges him to watch and listen to the dream of time and space, and says that it all comes out now flowing like a river. Bottom line: Hawk and Laura are about to get shit done. Let's see if we get closer to learning how next week.

DAMN FINE QUOTES:

Pee Culiar. Dougie/Cooper

We're just naked, screaming little fucks. No wool for us! Dr. Amp/Jacoby

NEXT WEEK ON TWIN PEAKS:

- Benjamin Horne (Richard Beymer) and Beverly Paige (Ashley Judd) get that dinner together.

- Speaking of dinners, perhaps Albert and coroner Constance Talbot (Jane Adams) will share more than just a fancy feast?

- Jerry Horne (David Patrick Kelly) finally finds what he's looking for maybe.

- The US Postal Service has its revenge on Chad Broxford (John Pirruccello)

- Hawk, Bobby, and Frank investigate the clues they've collected so far regarding Jack Rabbit's Palace and the Log Lady's last message.

- Hopefully, Richard Horne gets eaten by one of the lions on the nature program Sarah Palmer was watching in the premiere.

TONIGHT AT THE ROADHOUSE:

Rebekah Del Rio (with Moby on guitar) sing No Stars. You may remember Del Rio as the singer of LLorando from that gut wrenchingly sad scene in Mulholland Drive.