#mania paradox

[paroxsysdraw]

some more heron doodles

[hermit-searching]

Sonic Adventure 2 from the perspective of someone who never played a Sonic game ever in their life:

It's fun. The controls take a while to get used to, and the physics of the gameplay is kinda wack. Unironically the mech stages are the best part of the game, but I'm the kind of gamer that likes seeing "big number go up".

To be completely honest I think the Sonic stages are actually my least favourite part of the game, because it's what really shows off how weird the physics are in SA2. One of the contributing things could be the fact the Steam port of SA2 is the GameCube version, which is apparently a really bad port of the game.

I grew up with Mario, and the 2D Pokemon and Zelda games. So I spent a lot of time being biased against Sonic because it was "cool" to hate Sonic games. Granted I've only played SA2, and a bit of Mania, I can't really say I actually hate the games. I don't really think I'll be touching any of the other ones though unless someone recommends it to me.

[sonicf]

By the mania, for the mania. The Hill Is Always Greener looks back at Sonic Mania, joined by special guest @Ginger_Hail!

Please remember to rate and share the podcast!

[izzyspussy]

i also think it's kinda neat that (imo) ian and mickey's starting points, development, and character trajectories are pretty well fitted or idk yeah-seems-about-right-ish to their ordinal positions and relative ages.

in the beginning and through most of their development until their mutual Turning Point, ian is generally more quote unquote "grown up" than mickey even though he's younger (not significantly younger, but still). it makes sense not just because ian has a more supportive and provided for environment where he's had the room and relative comfort to grow as much as he has, but also because he's the third oldest sibling of *counting on my fingers* six with functionally no parents (with frank as a periodic liability). he hasn't had to take on as much responsibility as fiona or lip, but he has had noteworthy experience in maturity.

as opposed to mickey who not only does not have a supportive environment or consistently met basic needs and has additional stressors other than neglect/poverty to deal with, but is also the second youngest of *counting on my fingers much slower this time* also six(?) with functionally no parents (with terry as a periodic threat). he has unreasonably high expectations on him, but without any of the reliance and deferment ian gets from his younger siblings or the approval and gratitude he gets from his older siblings. and mickey's in the (pretty typical abused kid) paradox of being forced to handle adult levels of danger via the family business(es) but being so stripped of autonomy that he can't develop any corresponding maturity.

for a while ian continues to mature at a relatively steady pace while mickey lags well behind. he starts implementing plans to achieve his dreams of his own accord, putting in work and making sacrifices to follow through on them, starts wanting more adult relationships (compare his rejection of intimacy as opposed to convenient, meaningless sex from kash and his initial boyish twitterpation with mickey in season one to wanting more and more intimacy and commitment from mickey in two and three).

then, finally, mickey starts to catch up. he gets and keeps a job and follows the other terms of his parole (until he has a crisis), he accepts more intimacy from ian little by little, begins initiating communication (albeit not very good or clear communication), also starts making active decisions about how he wants his life to be (even if his goals are much shorter term than ian's at that point) and earnest attempts to see them through, takes more of a leadership role with his brothers and offers mandy non-violent support, and at long last is the one to take his relationship with ian to their current next level.

then of course they get all fucked up and derailed by a hugely traumatic event and ian undergoing his own additional crisis in the aftermath (the - slightly early, likely triggered - onset of his bipolar disorder + first experience of acute mania). a lot gets undone by this for both of them.

ian is either still manic or manic again when he gets back in season four, and obviously also still traumatized that doesn't just go away, so there's a lot about his thought process, behavior, and priorities that are simplistic or unrealistic in ways that can look a lot like childish self-centeredness or naivety, but still reflect the desire for adult relationships and independence that he showed in season three if you pick at his brain a bit and pay attention to the quieter moments.

meanwhile, mickey has continued to grow in ian's absence. he's a husband and a father now (if not particularly active in these roles yet), he's managing the household finances, he at least attempts to form and stand on his own concept of right and wrong, he has people relying on him, he starts and maintains a professional partnership and potential friendship, and just generally starts accepting responsibility and making long-term choices.

and then toward the end of season four, mickey's maturity starts to overtake ian's.

probably in part as a symptom of mania, but just as or possibly even more due to his age, ian continues to only partially conceive of future consequences and/or to not fully take seriously consequences that could never happen to him directly. he's selfish and hypocritical in his relationships and thinks of his own perspective as the only valid and/or the most important one, eventually pressuring mickey into doing something very dangerous to retain their relationship and then seeming to only realize the gravity of the situation when mickey unexpectedly actually does it.

versus mickey still having "dumb" teenagery behaviors like skipping out on his homelife to spend time with his boyfriend and prioritizing that relationship enough to comply with vindictively unfair ultimatums, but overall trying his best to build real intimacy between them, giving (relatively) clear explanations of what he's thinking/why he's doing things/what he wants/how he feels, offering to take on responsibilities in the effort of integrating himself into the household as more than a guest, making conscious and strategic choices to balance having a relationship with ian and remaining closeted enough to be safe (as opposed to being in denial or trying to avoid commitment to ian altogether), etc.

then Guess What We've Been Doing Daddy happens, and the last thing other than his actual age that is holding mickey back from growing up is cleared (disclaimer: this is specific to mickey, not meant to be representative of or applicable to other people who are closeted). he's secure in himself, secure in his relationship, has no (non-systemic) constraints on his autonomy, is making his own money (for a relative value of "making" and "own" lmfao), has an earned leadership role, not only is accepting responsibility but gives every indication of wanting more responsibility, and is thinking not only about the future but the far future. the rest-of-his-life type of future.

i honestly discount most of season five and i didn't even bother with anything after, but what i saw of that has ian in the same kind of going forward just enough to not be standing still type of growth that mickey had at first (at a much further along "starting" point) and mickey in the same consistent, notable progress that ian had.

i just think it's neat and i think it's really typical of people with similar order/age arrangement. a younger senior sibling is more mature earlier than an older junior sibling, but eventually the older junior will catch up and overtake the younger senior. i realize this "meta" is mostly just restating the text. we don't need to talk about that part.

[not-freyja]

Ravio grins, rolling up the map and placing it on a shelf beside him. “Now… where to begin?” “At the beginning?” Sky offers, tentatively hopeful that something in his life will start to make sense. Apparently he set his hopes too high, because Ravio laughs and rubs his hands together before picking a stick of charcoal up off the mantle and scrawling in large font next to his notes, ‘Where does a Circle start?’ “That’s the ask, isn’t it? Where is the beginning? What is going on, to whom and why?” Ravio turns back around and his eyes are bright and glinting, a kind of mania sparking through them that puts Wild’s ‘something is about to explode’ face to shame. “You’re in a loop. A long winding circle, made of tinier little circles in time and space and every single one of you are a walking paradox and I have been trying to figure out how it is that all of reality has not collapsed or faded away into nothing or how you all haven’t accidentally erased each other's existence and frankly, boys, it has been a headache and a half.”

This chapter comes with supplemental material. As in, I spent way longer than I should have recreating the vision in my head of Ravio's crazy red string conspiracy board wall for your viewing pleasure. Here it is:

(Please keep in mind that these are not my notes, they are Ravio's, and what he has written may or may not be entirely true and accurate. Also the image zooms very cleanly if you click it.)

[awkwardsonicphotos]

all are from various sources. names below ⬇️

1. Xploshi - Sonic The

2. DallE Mini/Craiyon

3. Dorkly - Sonic Meets Metal Sonic

4. Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

5. Sonic Movie 2 leaked set photos

6. Sonic Mania startup

7. LooneyDude - Sunky the Game

8. Sonic Paradox - Metropolis Mayhem

anyways bye, have a good day!

[cosmic-mother-core]

Something I used to do to express gender was just listing off random things, titles, and adjectives like it was a shopping list of a sort. So I encourage all to do the same. Here is my gender list;

Debutante, bug girl, siren, doe, shaking a bloodied slab of meat in my mouth like a dog and having the blood splat everywhere, hand of madness, an interlocking and puzzling cube simultaneously and continuously moving and changing dimensional shape, star dust, Rust, Succubus, Sharp crystal points, murderous clown, purple, florida morning skies, mania and dementia, mad god, monk, demon queen, priestess, plague (both the disease(s) and character from DBD), dirty doll found in an abandoned building, forest oak, rotting/rotten/rot, decayed log but with a whole city of life regarding bugs and worms, brain in a jar, jelly fish, tentacles, Pirate, holy knight, divine entity, balance, yin and yang, blades such as swords and sickles, bo staff, pink, bows and ribbons, puppeteer, puppet with torn strings, fire flies, a swarm of flies/bees/wasps (bugs that go bzzz), bones and tar, eldritch, ribcage, roots beneath the trees, royal blue, 333, 777, 222, 555. Angel girl with black wings, mother miranda, Daniela/bela/cassandra Dimitrescu, snow white/Narissa/vivian/Faith(The wolf among us), Louise/Tina/Bob (bobs burgers), A prism of white that shines rainbow, color wheel, every color through light, white diamond/Lapis Lazuli /Sapphire/Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz/Amethyst/Sugilite/Opal(SU), Hearts 🫀♥️, brain, sinew, mortal flesh but a immortal being, experiences but never anything more than a moment in time, embarrassed sad little woman, Crows, Cats, Snakes/Reptiles, Wisp, a cloud of star dust, forged iron, Black, pearls, clouds, melted wax, lit candles, white roses, black lilies, morning glories. Genderless cryptid, mothman, la lorona, ghost, a figment, non existent but present, a paradox in design. A moral fabric in a sea of cruelty, red/poisoned apples, soft humming, lanterns, Mileena/Sindel/Scarlett(MK), torches, keys, locks/door knobs, water, air, lightning. Botany, whimsical, fruity little creature, stained glass mural, red meat, strawberry cow, blood and snow driven woman, crazy cat lady, hollowed, stoic, solemn, eery, kind, loving, orchids, instead of organs its machinery and my heart is made of a giant carved ruby that glows when i open my torso, the little mermaid, Witch, shadows, Daisies, the sun and the moon; twilight, mystical af wizard in a leaning tower casting spells in a robe and pointy hat littered with glowing stars. And finally, Planets. Planetary orbit, Saturn, Uranus(shut it.), earth, venus. Andromeda, the milky way, the asteroid belt.

WRITE UP YOUR LIST I WISH TO SEE EVERYONES!!

Pronouns: Elle/Them

(elle is french for she, pronouns in other languages sound so much prettier then whatever the english language has going on.)

[falloutboylyricss]

Fall Out Boy and Names

note: this post includes only specific names of people or groups of people (such as band names), both real and fictional

Evening Out With Your Girlfriend

"I can be your John Cusack" - Honorable Mention

"Obscured by the stand-up arcade and the sound of the Descendants" - Switchblades and Infidelity

"And listen to the Misfits 'Where Eagles Dare' to swallow whole" - Growing Up

"And we're all in the back singing 'Roxanne'" - The World's Not Waiting (For Five Tired Boys In A Broken Down Van)

"A simple contradiction could shake my whole foundation, Parker Lewis can't lose" - Parker Lewis Can't Lose (But I'm Gonna Give It My Best Shot)

Take This to Your Grave

Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today (title only)

"Pete and I attacked the laws of Astoria with promise and precision" - Saturday

"Me and Pete in the wake of Saturday" - Saturday

"Hey, Chris, you were our only friend" - Saturday

From Under The Cork Tree

7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen) (title only)

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me (title only)

Infinity On High

none

Folie à Deux

She's My Winona (title only)

What A Catch, Donnie (title only)

"Miss Flack said, 'I still want you back'" - What A Catch, Donnie

Tiffany Blews (title only)

Save Rock And Roll

"We're all fighting growing old in the hopes of a few minutes more to get, get on St. Peter's list" - Rat A Tat

PAX AM Days

none

American Beauty/American Psycho

"She wants to dance like Uma Thurman" - Uma Thurman

"I got those jet pack blues, just like Judy" - Jet Pack Blues

"Do you remember when we drove, we drove, drove through the night and we danced, we danced to Rancid" - Favorite Record

"I can't remember just how to forget, forget the way that we danced, we danced to Danzig" - Favorite Record

MANIA

"I'm 'bout to go Tonya Harding on the whole world's knee" - Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) (title only)

"And if death is the last appointment, then we're all just sitting in the waiting room (Mr. Stump?)" - Church

"I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice, kill me twice like my name was Nikki Sixx" - Young And Menace

So Much (For) Stardust

"We were a hammer to the Statue of David" - Love From The Other Side

"I can't stop, can't stop 'til we catch all your ears, though, somewhere between Mike Tyson and Van Gogh" - Flu Game

"It breaks your heart, but four of the Ramones are dead" - The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)

Misc.

"Yeah, streets are full of seasons, saw what they did to Jesus" - Dear Future Self (Hands Up)

"'Cause everyone loves Bob Dylan, I just want you to love me like that, yeah / Would you bury me next to Johnny Cash? I'm obsessed" - Bob Dylan

"Captain Planet, Arab Spring, L.A. riots, Rodney King" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"Oklahoma City bomb, Kurt Cobain, Pokémon / Tiger Woods, MySpace, Monsanto, GMOs / Harry Potter, Twilight, Michael Jackson dies" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"Kim Jong Un, Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"Obama, Spielberg, explosion, Lebanon / Unabomber, Bobbitt, John, bombing, Boston Marathon" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"Trump gets impeached twice, polar bears got no ice / Fyre Fest, Black Parade, Michael Phelps, Y2K / Boris Johnson, Brexit, Kanye West and Taylor Swift" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"Sandy Hook, Columbine, Sandra Bland and Tamir Rice / ISIS, LeBron James, Shinzo Abe blown away / Meghan Markle, George Floyd, Burj Khalifa, Metroid / Fermi paradox, Venus and Serena / Michael Jordan, 23, Youtube killed MTV / SpongeBob, Golden State Killer got caught / Michael Jordan, 45, Woodstock '99 / Keaton Batman, Bush v. Gore, I can't take it anymore" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"Elon Musk, Kaepernick, Texas failed electric grid / Jeff Bezos, climate change, white rhino goes extinct / Great Pacific garbage patch, Tom DeLonge and aliens" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"SSRIs, Prince and The Queen die" - We Didn't Start The Fire

[lovebtwnboys]

@lovebtwnboys favorite yaoi & shounen ai manga/manhwa

Honto Yajuu

Sign

Happy of the end

Hold me tight

On or off

Taming the tiger

Blood link

Here U Are

At The End of the Road

Heaven Officials Blessings

Ameiro Paradox

Heesu in Class 2

Semantic Error

Seven Days

Kono Ore Ga Omae Nanka Suki Na Wakenai

Tamayura (yuki ringo)

Doushitemo Furetakunai

Odd love or exotic love

Unromantic

Define the relationship

Jikyuu Jisoku de Nani ga Warui

Banana Scandal

Tasogare Outfocus

Musebinake, Junjou

Hetakuso Love Step

Kiss Mo Dekinakatta

Hishakaishindo

Mania

Under the Greenlight

Path to You

19 days

Kuchizuke wa Uso no Aji

Perfect Buddy

Dakaretai Otoko Ichii Ni Odosarete Imasu

Konya mo Nemurenai

Liveta

hana to junketsu

gosan no heart

jokyouju no hatsukoi case study

kokoro (kanda neko)

lost virgin (nagi wataru)

yakuza wo shibatte li desu ka

konya mo nemurenai

makitakun no koiji wo jamasuru to shinu

ochinai otoke

its not like that (gangto)

outcasts bound by fate

kimi no yoru ni fureru

contradict

choco strawberry vanilla

Jackass! - Sawatte Ii tte Dare ga Itta yo?

yamete kudasai, mabushii desu

puchitto hajiketa

Owaranai Fukou Ni Tsuite No Hanashi

dear door

Mujihi Na Otoko

Hana no Mizo Shiru

[concussed-to-pieces]

Wolves At The Door; Part Three

Fandom: Resident Evil [Village]

Pairing: Eventual Karl Heisenberg/AFAB!Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

Summary: "No." You whispered, your hold on the knife’s hilt tightening. "No, I-I don't want you to come any nearer."

A/N: FIGHT SCENE FIGHT SCENE! I'd like to thank you all for reading thus far, you're The Best <3 I will be taking a small break after this, due to a vacation. I'll see you all on the 11th! Enjoy!

Tag List: @spoopyredacted @cookiethewriter @amneris21 @topgirl17 @vodkafolie @stargazerofgoldenwords @a-smol-witch @baby-lisuga @clockworkmidnight @calwitch @silver-quinn01 @velvet-paradox @hijackser @mrs-wolfwood @nonstop-haikyuu @mic-sunderland @somethingthatsaysbubbles @fullofmoonsandstars @thirstworldproblemss @karlskitten @imthegreenfairy86 @nitrogennightmare @chunnies

Prelude

Part One

Part Two

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains mentions of blood, canon-typical violence, gratuitous violence and graphic depictions of mental and physical duress. Stay safe!]

"You will regret this." The Duke warned him, his smile vanishing at Heisenberg's demand.

"I don't care," Karl insisted, his fingers still twisted into the larger man's shirt collar. "I can't keep going on like this, not without knowing if I'm-" broken a danger bad person "--if I'm someone who would…do something I shouldn't."

The merchant, for whatever reason, insisted on continuing, "This will not endear you to them, my Lord."

"I don't know why the hell you think I'm doing this for them!" Heisenberg snapped angrily. "I'm tired of not fucking knowing what I'm–I just feel like I'm always waiting, anticipating something awful. I've had enough."

A large finger landed between his brows, the Duke bearing an uncharacteristically serious expression. "I am sorry for this, Lord Heisenberg."

Darkness overcame Karl then, as well as a chill like the sun had been suddenly switched off.

…

"Mr. Duke! It's good to see you. I wasn't sure if you were alright, it's been so long since you've come by!" You exclaimed, still wiping your hands dry with an old towel as you made your way to the fenceline. "You'll have to fill me in."

The Duke, for his part, looked unchanged. A bit more sweaty perhaps, but that could be chalked up to the rigors of just existing in such a unique body. You saw his eyes dart to your houseguest and you got the sudden impression that you may have interrupted something. The large man staunchly denied this when you asked though, his laugh just as jovial as always. Maybe you had misinterpreted the situation?

If looks could kill, however, it seemed the Duke would be quite done for. Karl was glaring holes through the merchant, striking green eyes narrowed to angry slits. That look alone could make anyone nervous!

"I noticed my talismans have gone missing, my dear. Has something happened?" The Duke's inquiry was smooth, almost bland. 

"They just started crumbling one day. I guess the elements finally got to them?" 

The Duke's expression shifted strangely and once again his eyes darted to Heisenberg. But all he said was, "how curious," then started rummaging in the drawers that framed his corpulent form. 

"I'm sorry, I don't have-"

"I told you," the Duke interrupted, his smile a bit sharper, "it's all part of our first-class customer service!" He gestured vaguely with one large hand, placing the small bundles of herbs and flowers down on his thigh. "If nothing else, take these as my thanks for nursing the Lord back to health. He certainly seems a changed man from when we last met." You heard Karl growl, muttering something under his breath that made the Duke chuckle coldly. "Now now, let's not say things we don't mean. I'm being sincere! I am glad you and the Lord Heisenberg are on such good terms. Why, he's almost tame."

…

There had been a great shattering, a terrible rending in his mind the likes of which he had never experienced before. The stress and mania that had driven him doggedly onward collapsed in upon itself after Ethan's final assault, as though the strain of both his transformation and the fight was too much for his body and mind to handle. Karl could just barely recall feeling himself fraying, his soul being torn apart at the seams like he was an ugly garment in the hands of the world's most negligent tailor.

Miranda would love that. Let that bitch pick out every stitch so she could make me into something useful, something controllable.

Maybe it was that bitterness that kept him breathing. Bitter spite and hatred, a parasitic leech just as much as the creature that throbbed uneasily in his gut. Cadou, finally a name for the feeling, the tension, the parasite that clung to his broken body and demanded him to rise, demanded him to fight and kill anew to keep it alive. Karl was exactly what he had feared and suspected all along: a freak.

While the Duke sat there complacent, chuckling, Heisenberg could only seethe internally. The obese merchant finally leaned forward, his smile distinctly oily. "I'd advise the two of you to turn in early for the evening. A storm is coming."

"Thanks for the tip." Heisenberg said through gritted teeth.

"Do you have anything new to show me?" The excitement in your voice threw Karl off a bit, as did the Duke's smirking reply of, "Naturally, my dear!"

Apparently it had been a busy few months for the merchant, because he immediately started pulling out (allegedly) new trinkets to show you. Each item he proudly displayed, however, set Heisenberg more and more on edge. Crystalline objects, fragile and frail, covered in sharp edges and scenting the air lightly with decay. Something about them had that wrongness, that Uncanny Valley sheen, as well as a hideous familiarity. 

Finally Karl said faintly, "I'm going to head back in." His head was swimming, mind struggling to sort through lifetimes of memories and it felt like his entire body was throbbing with his pulse. "You two have fun catching up."

"But my Lord-" the Duke protested, extending the protective talismans to Karl with a guileless expression. "-I had hoped you would hang these along the fenceline for me. I would do it myself, of course, but it's been so long since I've had a customer to show my wares." His eyes twinkled with the silent joke; he knew damn well that touching those things was bad news for Karl. Go on, big man, the Duke's smug gaze seemed to say, go on and reveal yourself.

Karl's glare reached a nuclear temperature, his mood rapidly swinging from discomfort to infuriation at being toyed with. This colossal fuck knew exactly what he was capable of! As usual, the Duke's audacity was exclusively outweighed by his mass.

But you were smiling, you looked so excited to see what else the Duke would show you.

Damn it all to hell.

Karl dug around in the pocket of his jacket, pulling out his gloves and gracelessly yanking them on before holding out a hand to take the charms. 

The Duke's smile never wavered once.

…

"It is odd, seeing the change in him." The Duke commented, turning a human torso that may have been carved from quartz this way and that to show you how the light caught it. "You certainly did more than your share of work, my dear."

"I don't understand." You replied, a little confused. "It hasn't been too hard. Only issue was keeping bread in the house."

"Can we claim his essence restored by mere gluten?" The Duke fixed you with a look that made you uncomfortable, his normally good-natured expression gone serious. "I doubt that, but I am open to breakthroughs in science."

"Do you mean I helped raise his spirits or something?" When the obese man shook his head, you shrugged. "I haven't really done much except put that gunk that you gave me onto his wounds and endured his company. If anything he's been helping me out! Got to get a few things done that I couldn't manage myself." 

"Very curious," the Duke mused, his attention seeming to have moved on to the odd combination of gears and crystals that he was currently showing you. It looked almost like a half-metal heart encased in white crystal and you marveled at the craftsmanship of it. "Lord Heisenberg has allowed himself to be domesticated. The Lady Dimitrescu would have a fit if she were still around."

His words didn't register until a moment later, making your brow furrow. Unfortunately the large merchant didn't appear to be in an expansive mood, whatever further queries you had being easily deflected or outright ignored.

…

Miranda. 

Karl tried to focus on something aside from the fact that his entire left hand was going numb. 

The constant fury he felt at that self-styled mother's attempted manipulation of him would do, so he began to reminisce. Though his mind was not entirely whole, Heisenberg could still remember his disdain for the haughty woman. She had always looked at him with such blatant calculation in her eyes; he had to commend her for the consistency of that gaze. Karl wondered sometimes if she practiced it in front of the mirror. How his ‘siblings’ had never seen her manipulation…

"Sore loser," his own voice echoed back to him through his memories and he scoffed, yanking the knot tight on the twine. Another charm secure. The little talismans were made of monkshood and nondescript twigs of some evergreen plant, all braided together with a few stalks of what seemed to be wheat and then fashioned into a tidy wreath. The numbness in his hand vanished once he released the charm, now replaced by an unpleasant burning. He could see spidery black tendrils making their way up his arm from beneath the glove, following the path of his veins to spread that burning sensation. Aside from that, though, Karl felt nothing. Was his fury truly slow to come, or did he just not care anymore? 

He slowed to a halt, resting his weight on the fence as he stared down at it. He almost wanted to will himself to be upset, get worked up, something for the sake of familiarity. This calm…acceptance, it didn't seem like him. The Duke had said Miranda was 'taken care of'. No doubt Ethan had fistfought the feathery bitch himself.

Dimitrescu, then, Karl decided, she could always piss me off, that colossal cunt. The anger was so faint it was barely annoyance. The weird little doll? Indifference. Moreau. Pity. 

Pity?! 

Was his throat closing up?! He was either flashing over or having some sort of allergic reaction to the talismans, he reasoned desperately. That was the only explanation for his strange response. Heisenberg pulled away from the fence, taking a few healthy steps backwards. He abruptly felt the hairs raise on the back of his neck and the Lord reached out to grab the maul, realizing at that moment that he had left it by the cart. Come on!

A body crashed into his back and Karl almost toppled, only just managing to brace himself on a fencepost. Sharp teeth grazed his arm, the combined scent of wet dog and iron nearly strong enough to make Heisenberg retch. Without a second thought Karl yanked the charm off the post and jammed his entire fist into the thing's mouth, hearing it start to choke and gag right next to his ear. 

The maul arrived, flying through the air like the weapon of some old Norse god. Karl seized it with his free hand, swinging it around to pulverize the…lycan, lycan, shit, he had forgotten. Its skull caved beneath the maul's blunted edge and Heisenberg quickly shoved the body to the side as it twitched its last.

There were more of them. A lot more of them, a pack of mangled humanoids spilling out from beneath the trees to yowl and bay at him. The body at his feet began to crystallize, the familiar scent of death wafting up to greet him like an old friend. Memories started to bleed in at the sides of his vision: dark, wispy vignettes of the man he was, the monster he really was.

I think bare minimum I've done some real bad things. 

He had been so desperate for reassurance without even knowing why, groping unlit through the halls of his memories as a stranger. It had been better for a while, what was shoved into the back of his mind to let him play fucking pretend at being human, at this new life with you.

Just like Miranda with her fake little family.

Heisenberg drew himself up to his full height, narrowing his eyes and roaring "shut your fucking holes!", immensely gratified when the cacophony immediately quieted. 

Unfortunately, the uneasy silence was then broken by a scream. A scream of his name. And the lycans, obviously sensing Karl's momentary distraction, peeled away to head for the source of the noise.

…

"Karl!" You cried, the terrible din you had heard seconds before still ringing in your ears.

"Oh dear," the Duke remarked blithely, "I may have been too late." He shrugged after a moment, passing you another charm. "Well, I hurried as best as I could." The massive merchant then clicked his tongue once and the seemingly too-small horse began to pull the cart down the road once more. "Good luck, my dear. Remember what I said about the weather!" He called with a wave.

"You've gotta' be kidding me!" You yelled after him incredulously, the talisman clutched tightly in your grasp. All you heard in reply was faint chuckling. You gritted your teeth, turning on your heel. "Karl!" You shouted again, starting across the yard. You could hear muffled yowling coming from behind the cabin, out past the back fenceline, so with your heart in your throat you carried onward. You hoped and prayed it was just a bobcat that Karl had spooked, you're overreacting, everything is fine. You did make a brief pit stop to pick up your kindling knife from the basket on the porch, staunchly refusing to think about what you could possibly need it for. 

Upon turning the corner of the house, however, you came face to face with some…thing, some awful thing with sharp teeth and a hunched humanoid body. You froze and so did it, before it bared its filthy, blackened maw and snarled at you. 

Oh, it's going to kill me. The thought was so certain it almost surprised you. Really, what else could happen? Fuck, it's going to kill me. You backed away, holding the knife in front of you in a desperate bid to keep the creature at bay. For some reason it actually seemed to be working, the weird wolf-man snapping its teeth at the air in evident frustration. Well, it was either that or the Duke's charm that you had slipped around your wrist, but you weren't about to start questioning your luck.

A projectile whipped past your head from behind you, the mass of it disturbing the air enough to emit a faint whistle. It was the maul, its dull blade slamming into the face of the lycan and bending it nearly in half before it collapsed like a deflating balloon. 

"You stay the hell away from them, you mangy rat!" Karl spat, his gaze full of fury as he rounded the house coming from the other direction. It may not have been aimed at you, but his rage was still absolutely terrifying to witness. Your knees began to tremble, threatening to dump you onto the ground. Heisenberg suddenly seemed larger than life and extremely dangerous, voice booming and eyes ablaze with a malice you had never seen. The man tore the maul free with a sickening crunch, shaking some of the gore off. "You alright?"

You realized he was addressing you, still coming closer at that too-fast pace and you floundered to nod, opening your mouth to say something, yes I'm fine and don't come near me you're scaring me and what's going on. No words came out, though. When had he gotten so big? It was as though someone else had taken over his body, someone self-assured, someone…

Was this how he had been before?

Karl stopped dead two feet away, the man huffing out an irritated breath. "Oh, you've got one of those charms." He slung the maul over one shoulder, holding out a gloved hand. "Here, give it so I can close the loop on this fence." There were holes torn in the glove, ragged punctures. Bite marks.

"No." You whispered, your hold on the knife’s hilt tightening. "No, I-I don't want you to come any nearer." What did the Duke do to him? 

Karl's brow furrowed, but he soldered on, reasoning, "There's more of the freaks out there, sugar. We don't have the whole fence covered, I need that last charm." 

"Please, don't…look, I don't want to hurt you and you're scaring me right now." You got the feeling the blade you had was about as threatening as a butter knife to the large man, but you held firm. 

Cornered dogs bite. He had called you sugar, his voice low and urgent. Surely it was still him in there if he was using the silly pet name he had decided upon for you. This was all so confusing.

"The lycans don't give a shit about whether you're scared, sugar! They aren't gonna' wait around for us to sort things out, they're coming!" Heisenberg snapped roughly, glancing back over his shoulder. "Fuck's sake! I'm not at full bore and if something gets you because I'm out of it, I'd-" He hesitated, then huffed through gritted teeth instead of finishing the sentence. "Alright, fine, I'm not coming any closer, we'll just do it together then. Stay by me. Devil you know, right?" He instructed, that fierce gaze softening a bit. "Nothing will get you while I'm here."

What if you're the thing I'm worried about? you wondered privately. 

…

You were looking at him like he was a monster. You were looking at him like he was a horrible, terrible monster, that trashy Bowie knife you used to shave kindling chips clutched in your trembling hands, leveled at his gut. You're scaring me right now.

And Karl couldn't even deny it because holy shit he was, he had been, he might still be. Oh God, no wonder the Duke told him it was an awful idea. He wanted to throw up, but that may have been due to the closeness of the talisman. Anti-mold measures or just another silver bullet in the magazine?

At least now he knew, as crushing as that particular burden of knowledge was. At least he knew. It was oddly freeing to be that self-fulfilling prophecy for once. 

You ended up hovering nervously at his elbow, the proximity of the charm a constant, nagging throb at the apex of his spine. But he could keep track of you that way. 

"The lycans are wary." Karl informed you, not really sure why he did so. "They know who I am but they're not particularly good listeners." 

"Something you have in common." You retorted.

Karl shrugged, feeling his glove slide down his mangled fingers before he tugged it back into place. "I'd like to think I've improved." He glared at the forms he could see surging along the edges of the treeline, brandishing the maul in silent threat. Come on, you rabid little shits.

Not a single one left the safety of the woods, however they did keep up their noise. Howling and shrieking, the pack followed the two of you closely. They're waiting for us to place the last charm, Heisenberg realized, his brow furrowing. They'll strike then before we can get back inside the fenceline. 

"I need you to be ready to run once you tack down that last talisman." He muttered out the side of his mouth, relieved when you nodded. "Don't worry about me."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

His laugh was coarse and joyless. He had been a naive idiot to think he even had a chance at any sort of quiet life, but he was more irritated with himself over being so affected by the disappointment. Now was not the time to wish to turn back the clock.

You broke away from him by running ahead, your attention clearly fixed on the section of fencing that lacked an oh-so-familiar charm. Karl watched you slide the talisman off your wrist, and at the same time he could see the pack of lycans appear to muster themselves for a full-scale assault. 

Heisenberg's eyes narrowed and the man bolted forward, sending the maul ahead of him as he went. "It needs to go on the outside of the fence! I'll cover you!" 

…

You yanked open the gate with single-minded intent, only to see the maul go sailing into the teeming swarm of bodies in front of you, Karl close behind announcing that he would 'cover you'. As you turned to watch him go, a massive lycan broke away from the edge of the pack and headed straight for you, fingers clawing at the dirt for traction.

You fumbled to attach the charm, hanging it on the rusted nail still in the fence post and then smashing the top of the nail with the butt of your knife to fold it over onto itself. Mission accomplished, you rushed to get back inside the safety of the fenceline, but it was too late. A paw-like hand caught your ankle, tripping you up and causing you to strike your head hard on the gate.

The world swam in front of your eyes, a combination of reflex tears and being dragged along the ground by your leg at a dizzying pace. You began to struggle, kicking desperately at the face of the creature in an effort to free yourself from its clutches. The lycan dropped your leg, choosing instead to bat aside the kicks you aimed at it and lunge for your face with a garbled howl.

You didn't even have the time to think and so you slammed your eyes shut, bracing the knife you still held against your body in an effort to at least wound the lycan. 

But it didn't come. The weight of the beast on your chest just…vanished, its roar choking off abruptly.

When you dared to open your eyes again, you were greeted by the sight of Karl holding up the lycan by its throat, the man clearly crushing its windpipe. Judging by the way it was thrashing, it didn't have much longer. Heisenberg didn't say a single word, the man simply grunting with effort as he gave the beast a final shake to cleanly snap its neck. He then threw the body down, broadening his stance and squaring his shoulders with a furious grin on his face.

"Fuck off!" He roared at the remaining pack, now significantly thinned and yelping. "You stay the hell away from here, or I'll wipe out every last one of you!" The maul flew through the air and he caught it, swinging it one-handed. It was dripping with some kind of black fluid. "You won't cross that fenceline!"

After a few moments of what seemed to be a snarling back-and-forth with Heisenberg and one another, the surviving creatures sulkily limped back into the woods in defeat. They left nothing behind but crystallized remains of their kin and, as rain slowly started to fall, even those began to dissolve into the soil. 

Karl closed the gate, the man slowly latching it with the worn wire twisted around the post.

You were still on the ground, the knife pressed to your chest as you shivered and tried to catch your breath. You couldn't recall another day in your life that you had been so certain about your own death. Somehow all you'd ended up with was a few scrapes on your shin and a tender spot on your head from the gate.

Heisenberg swayed, propping himself up on the fence with one elbow. The maul dropped from his grasp as he panted for air, the man's scarred complexion gone so pale it was nearly green. He tried to say something, but ended up dry heaving instead. After taking a few staggering steps back from the fence, he unceremoniously collapsed onto his side.

You only hesitated momentarily before you scrambled forward, your caution thrown to the wind. It was as if watching him fight had somehow removed whatever threat you had felt before, the notion wholly gone from your mind. It was oxymoronic, but firmly embedded that the two of you were on the same side. He saved you.

The man gazed dully upwards at you or someplace past your shoulder, his breathing coming in sharp, hitchy bursts. "Hurt-" he managed to wheeze, shaking the glove off of his hand to display blackened flesh radiating from a tearing bite wound on the palm. He then gave a thumbs up with the mangled appendage, choking out, "--be okay." 

You noticed blood darkening a section of his trousers by his hip and you jerked his tattered coat back, revealing several more wounds. At least two of the lycans had ripped into the back of his thigh, like they were trying to hamstring him. The purpling, bruised bites ran down his leg and there was even a large chunk missing from the top of his boot. You hissed in dismay at the whole scene, feeling nauseous and terrified.

"We need to get you out of the rain," you said finally, your stomach in knots. Karl waved you off while pffting out a breath but you essentially ignored him, pulling his good hand to haul his arm up over your shoulders. "C'mon, use whatever's left of your legs." 

The man coughed out a laugh at that, then obliged you to the best of his ability. It was a struggle, but the two of you managed to get him upright. All there was left was the slow trek back to the cabin, and Jesus was it slow. Karl could barely put one foot in front of the other, the man dragging his wounded leg and the maul behind him as he leaned on you, nevermind your own legs still shaking from adrenaline.

"Why did you do that?" You asked finally, blinking the rain out of your eyes. 

"Whuh."

"You know what." The only reply you got was silence, followed by a clumsy little pat on the cheek. You supposed you would have to ask later.

…

The fresh talismans gave Karl the sensation of being in the eye of a storm. A maelstrom of energy swirled around the fenceline in a disorienting spiral, but it couldn't touch him in here. The drunken stumbling was more due to the injuries he had sustained, his steps unsteady and head hanging. This weakness was incredible, it was so similar to how he had been right after he had lost to Ethan. Laying there in the dirt with the rain pouring down on him, uncertain of what had just happened, where he was, every shattered breath in his body seeming like it could be his last.

"Come, my Lord. You seem to have fallen ill." 

You had said that the Duke was the one who brought him to you for aid. He barely remembered bits and pieces of the ride, only roused to consciousness from pain when he was jostled. 

His forehead knocked into yours and he slurred out an apology, realizing you needed him to walk up the porch steps. And walk up them he did, his leg already feeling a little less terrible. Parasite perks, the alliteration tickling him far more than it ought to have. He actually managed to hobble through the doorway unassisted, performing an odd skipping hop to do so and dropping the maul beside the doorframe. 

Once inside you collapsed on the couch, your whole body trembling. "Thought I was gonna' die." You finally said. Heisenberg continued to hover awkwardly on one leg, shoring himself up by placing a hand onto one of the ceiling crossbeams as you seemed to gather your thoughts. "I mean I thought that was it, game over. Holy shit, that was terrifying." You looked up at him, radiating incredulity as you asked, "how the hell did you just handle them?"

Karl shrugged, a bad habit he felt he could attribute to you. "It's all I've known for most of my life." It was a garbage explanation for all its truth and he knew that, but you weren't exactly in a fantastic headspace at the moment. Neither was he for that matter, he was still weak and a little queasy. Better to let sleeping dogs lie, let you calm down and regain some peace of mind. Lycans were normal to him, sure, but you'd only seen them in half light and hadn't even seemed to believe they actually existed until today. 

You put your face in your hands, exhaling deeply. You then moved to rise but Karl halted you with a hand on your shoulder, and he was silently dismayed at the fact that he could still feel you shaking.

"Stay put." He tried to gentle his tone, make it a little less gruff. "That was a lot. Just rest. You want some water?"

You hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah." You caught his hand before he could turn away, seeming confused. "How are you even walking? Your leg was-" "Something in me is real invested in keeping my body in one piece." Karl patted your hand, attempting to smile and failing miserably. "Lemme' get you that drink."

Part Four

[vammieposts]

DOCTOR WHO MUSIC RABBIT HOLE WOAH

i love finding doctor who in random places, just now I was struggling to find the lyrics of a Belgrado song bc I was hoping to be able to translate it but I ended up on their bandcamp which led me to this persons profile which led me to this other album with this as the cover!?!? hi cybermen i wasnt expecting to see you guys here. but this ended up leading me down a several hour long rabbit hole of doctor who music as a genre

Ok so as I write this post i'm discovering more and more really good doctor who inspired music that I personally enjoy/think others will enjoy

Chameleon Circuit - probably the most well known doctor who fan band, very fun, rock, 2008-2014, according to wikipedia they invented the term "Time Lord Rock", or "Trock", which is used to describe music created for and by doctor who fans about doctor who

Hero of a Hundred Fights - The Remote, The Cold (2001) - Faction Paradox stuff, sort of math-rock, they're really good! lots of BIG SOUND as my brain describes it, and cool lyrics+art, from Wisconsin according to wikipedia, my fellow eda fans, this is for YOU (tbh this and solid space are my favorites so far, chameleon circuit is good but doesn't appeal to me much personally)

Solid Space - Space Museum - as I described above, this stuff has a fun sort of electronic atmospheric feel, makes you feel like you're in a big empty fancy building at night, the kind of music you can wiggle slowly to and feel like a little robot person, has songs called the Tenth Planet and Earthshock, if you like cybermen you'll like this lol

DOCTOR IN DISTRESS - of course, I couldn't possibly leave this out could I? Very Important Song

Viva Computer - This Town will Never Let Us Go - calm, fun electronicy, as you can probably guess based on the songs namesake, faction paradox!

Starvefish - This Town Will Never Let Us Go - Also faction paradox!

The Go Go's - I'm Gonna Spend My Christmas with a Dalek - a beautiful product of dalek mania, my favorite christmas song, and the most confusing description of a dalek I've ever heard which includes at least one large toe. Included on the compilation, "Who is Dr Who"

The Art Attacks - I am a Dalek! - fun song! rock, feels very 80s but i don't know much about music tbh oh wait its 1978, pretty close!

Time Crash - another "Time Lord Rock" band, if you want to find them on youtube don't mix it up with the Time Crash: Children in Need special tho. I like the lead's voice a lot! its very chill and fun!

Also, these aren't doctor who themed, just related via actors, but Peter Capaldi was in a post-punk band called the Dreamboys and Billie Piper was a pop artist!

Some Doctor who Music fun: (doctor who, Delia Derbyshire, and the BBC radiophonic workshop have a really interesting place in electronic music history soo have fun learning)

But yeah there's my collection from this morning, and these are just my own personal taste plus a couple that are really good and I think others will enjoy so please rb with your favorite bands and songs you think should be added!

[jennandblitz]

Borderline!Sirius Black

I’ve been meaning to write a post about Borderline Sirius for the longest time, but this is partly inspired by my posting a snippet of a BPD!Sirius fic a while ago and the fact I’ve had this headcanon for over two years now. My Sirius is often written as being Borderline, whether explicit or not. Borderline Sirius is something I’ve become increasingly attached to recently. The more I look at his personality and actions in canon, the more I can see him attached to the criteria of BPD/EUPD. A lot of my feelings about Sirius are from my own personal canon, especially during the First War where the pressure pot of existential dread is an untold stress on all members of the Order, but I think especially Sirius struggled under this pressure due to his personality disorder. 

I think the easiest and most structured way to talk about Sirius’ Borderline—which is a complex and deep set of characteristics rooted in trauma and a consistently disrupted childhood, as all Borderline is—is through the diagnostic criteria from the DSM V. To be diagnosed with BPD, one needs to show at least five of the criteria. For ease of reading and to avoid a 3k word text post, I’m going to expand on the ones I think Sirius shows the most and leave others as a few lines. 

This should go without saying but here we are, these opinions are my own and do not invalidate or disprove any other headcanons anyone else may have—everyone’s Sirius and their interpretations of him are all valid! If you don’t like my headcanons, DNI and move on!

A note on Bipolar Disorder v Borderline Personality Disorder: I’ve seen both use the same acronym and for ease I’ve taken to saying Borderline rather than BPD, or using the new acronym of EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder). This post is also partly inspired by seeing @soloorganaas’ posts on Bipolar Sirius on my dash in that we need more psychological deep-dives into these characters, looking at their mental illnesses and neurodivergencies outwith canon. That is to say I love Natasha’s posts on Bipolar Sirius and you should all go and read them! Bipolar and Borderline aren’t mutually exclusive and, of course all headcanons exist at once, but in my own experience both Bipolar and Borderline have many overlaps, especially in Sirius’ character.

If you have things you want to add to this post, please feel free to reblog. Though I would kindly discourage any Borderline-bashing, if you have nothing nice to add, DNI. My dream would be to open a discussion about Borderline Sirius and other Black family members who we may headcanon as having BPD—because let’s be real, it’s a family heirloom.

***

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. 

I think this is the most painful thing to think about because of all the abandonment Sirius has suffered throughout canon. What I think of first are the two-way mirrors; Sirius and James are so very intertwined that they want the ability to communicate at any given moment, even during school. Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment can be demonstrated in several ways, both in clinging to the person, or abandoning the person first in order to paradoxically avoid the hurt of eventual abandonment. I think this is part of Sirius’ reaction during OotP, when he pulls away from everyone due to their perceived abandonment of him—he is alone in the house of his childhood and his friends are leaving to go and do the work he wishes he could do.

2.    A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

For me, this is the peak of explaining Sirius’ behaviour throughout canon. 

I hesitate to call it the Prank because that word isn’t used during canon at all, but for ease of understanding, I will. Borderline patients can have episodes of hypomania, and I do think an episode of mania contributed to Sirius’ actions here, but I also think Sirius split on Remus—ie, his perception of Remus switched from idealised to demonised and devalued. This could be over something so seemingly trivial to an outsider, even something like choosing to sit next to James and not Sirius at the dinner table, or not replying to a note Sirius passed to him. I can see Remus doing something that makes Sirius devalue him to the point of Sirius not seeing how the following events will affect his friend and he sends Snape to the Shack in a moment of impulsivity (more on that later), without truly being cognisant of the consequences of his actions, because he, in that moment, did not see Remus as a person of value. 

He absolutely idealises and idolises James Potter (he is Sirius’ Favourite Person—something I could write a whole other post on) and Sirius’ idealisation blinds him to any more sensible actions especially regarding the Fidelius charm. He will go above and beyond to protect James and his family by extension. Peter, and also Remus, are so idealised by Sirius that they are able to do no wrong—perhaps this is why Sirius is able to overlook any slight clues as to Peter’s true allegiances and entrust him as the Secret Keeper. 

Harry, by extension, is hugely idealised by his Godfather. Sirius believes he is perfect and that Harry can accomplish anything. When Harry sends his letter in GoF saying his scar hurts, Sirius immediately flies back to protect him, and also breaks into a Wizarding house to use the fire to communicate with Harry. Harry is not above being devalued by Sirius, however: in the Floo-call in OotP, Sirius tells Harry ‘you’re less like your father than I thought’, and to me it’s clear in that moment that Sirius sees Harry as having fundamentally missed the bar of high standards Sirius holds him to.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

As we know, Sirius was the first Black not to be sorted into Slytherin. I think part of that comes from Sirius’ unstable sense of self, which, according to several studies, comes from the inability to integrate positive and negative traits. Sirius was simultaneously idealised by his parents and family as the scion of the House Black, and then, when he began to not meet their standards, was devalued as a blood traitor. I believe that Sirius developed some dissatisfaction with his life before he was sorted into Gryffindor, which was only heightened by his sorting and then devaluation by his family. This gives Sirius a markedly disturbed sense of self, which I think we can see during PoA where Sirius’ entire personality becomes getting revenge on Peter, then swiftly switches to being Harry’s Godfather once Peter has been caught.

4. Impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self-damaging. (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

Sirius’ recklessness is well characterised in canon, imo. Simply put, he spends recklessly—the Firebolt for Harry—and we are well aware of his substance abuse during OotP. We see his recklessness during PoA also, where he comes to Hogwarts despite knowing that there are Dementors and Aurors looking for him, because he wants to find Peter. He also breaks into a Wizarding house during GoF in order to Floo-call Harry, which obviously could potentially end badly. 

As above, I also think The Prank is a symptom of Sirius’ impulsivity. Borderlines often say and do things in the heat of those splitting moments which can be self-damaging in more than the physical ways listed above, such as ending friendships or starting arguments, and I do think the Prank is damaging to Sirius’ view of himself, his position within the friend group of the Marauders and especially his view in James’ eyes, regardless of whether the Marauders forgave Sirius quickly or not.

5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.

Okay, this isn’t explicit in canon, but I do think Sirius’ actions at the Department of Mysteries are part and parcel of his suicidal ideation. This passive devaluation of his own life leads him to put himself in danger for Harry—who becomes his FP in James’ absence—and his recklessness goes beyond the above criteria. His escape from Azkaban in PoA is similarly reckless. No one has escaped Azkaban yet Sirius, who has spent twelve years punishing himself for the death of his FP, is willing to try, such that he values his life so little.

Admittedly, this criteria is also largely based around my own headcanons especially during the First War. I believe Sirius’ recklessness with his own life is marked during this time, especially if anything should happen to the other Marauders, Sirius’ internal monologue may often turn to suicidal ideation.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Ooh, this is a big one. I instantly think of Sirius’ immediate, marked happiness when Harry says he would like to come and live with him at the end of PoA—everything else is immediately unimportant when Sirius’ Godson (and Favourite Person) is talking to him. When Harry first arrives at Grimmauld Place in OotP, Sirius is jovial if a little concerned about Harry, but playful nonetheless. This changes very abruptly when Molly raises concerns about Harry being brought up to speed about Voldemort. We also see Sirius in a depressive state when he is told not to accompany Harry to his hearing.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

How else would he survive the emptiness of Azkaban if he didn’t already know how that emptiness felt? Welp, I’m giving myself feelings.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

*gestures vaguely at the whole Shrieking Shack scene* 

Beyond that, Sirius’ fury during OotP when he and Molly argue is also important here. I want to note also the difference between hot anger and cold anger, in that I think Sirius is very much feeling cold anger in this moment when he is arguing with Molly. Although I largely headcanon Sirius as experiencing a lot of ‘hot’ anger—that is to say, shouting and yelling, red-faced and furious—especially during the First War, I do think that being in Grimmauld Place in OotP makes Sirius lean towards ‘cold’ anger—more calculating, more biting and sharp—like his anger when Harry questions him about the Family Tree and when he and Snape argue over Harry’s Occlumency lessons. Perhaps we don’t see ‘hot’ anger from Sirius often during OotP, but we do see plenty of ‘cold’ anger from him, as well as a healthy dose of resentment and bitterness.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Sirius’ actions and reactions in OotP are classic, imo, dissociative symptoms, specifically being back in the house where large amounts of his childhood trauma and the seat of his personality disorder took root. 

***

Overall, I think looking at our favourite characters through these psychological lenses really changes how we interact with them, both in canon and fandom settings. There are so many great takes about what it means for these characters to be neurodivergent in many different ways, and I’m sure there is a whole host more to say about Sirius’ mental health, whether he be Borderline or not, that I won’t cover here because this is going to be over 2k words. 

If you made it to the end, I salute you! Thank you for listening to me ramble about Borderline!Sirius and how dear he is to me! 🖤

[thelocalscepticx]

the atlas paradox after thoughts

{SPOILERS}

- callum is so broken and i think hes such an interesting character to analyze. like the thoughts of 'if you could feel everyones emotions all the time, you would have to shut off your own or you would fucking shatter'

-tristan needs to get his shit together ngl

- NICO AND GIDEON FINALLY

- hc libby is a lesbian and belen deserved better

- libby is imo the most cruel and manipulative person of the six. it was true in the first book its true now

- tho we love a corruption arc

- ngl kinda hope ezra lives. like did he do shitty things? yes. should you kidnap ur ex to 'save the world'? probably not. did i disagree with some of his philosophy and reasonings.... next question. also the fact that i think that that interaction would be really fucking fascinating. (i just want to have him and atlas yell at eachother more so i can critique their relationship more)

- parisa is and always will be the queen of my heart. i want more callum and parisa moments im the next book because i think theyre so similar and seeing their banter cracks me up

- if libby and tristan end up together i will literally cry and throw up and shit my pants in rage they are AWFUL together.

- belen deserved better pt 2

- i think reina didnt do much this book (other than possibly draft a damn pantheon) so im hoping we see her research come to fruition in the next book

- suddenly i love dalton? like him and parisa burning it to the ground? mania? madness? im living for it

-callum x tristan supremacy. they remind me of those broken plates that you mend with gold and they become more beautiful

- does anyone remember all the shit callum said about the 6 in the first book?

"Libby Rhodes was an anxious impending meltdown whose decisions were based entirely on what she had allowed the world to shape her into. She was more powerful than all of them except for Nico, and of course she was. Because that was her curse: regardless of how much power she possessed, she lacked the dauntlessness to misuse it. She was too small-minded, too un-hungry for that. Too trapped within the cage of her own fears, her desires to be liked. The day she woke up and realized she could make her own world would be a dangerous one, but it was so unlikely it hardly kelt Callum up at night." (301)

"'Parisa is dangerous. She is angry," he clarified. "She is furious, vindictive, spiteful, naturally misanthropic. If she had Libby's power, or Nico's, she would have destroyed what remains of society by now...[she's here] to find a way to do it...Destroy things. The world possibly. Or control it. Whatever option suits her when she find it"'(305)

"Libby was a hero. Parisa was a villain. They would both be disappointed in the end." (300)

the way that all of this is being brought up again in TAP is beautiful

- callum is on his way to some sort of redemption/selfless arc i can TASTE IT and i crave it.

- everyone is hot. all the time. it hurts me

- blake is great at gaslighting me into making me think i understand any of the mathematic scientific bs they talk about at any given time

- theyre all so broken and in need of therapy

- i want callum to verbally destroy adrian caine

- i want all of them to succeed in their funky lil goals and become gods (except libby)

- speaking of libby- i think shed be a great villain

anyways. this series? owns my mf ass

[dirty-milk]

i. …and I grieve in the mouth of madness, coiled like a serpent on its tail - I thrash, and I gnash, and I inhale, and I exhale, and I wail.

ii. …and in the maw of the mania, the circle takes the square; paradox prompting paradise poisoned by the prayer.

iii. …and in my cheeks cradle chaos, counters the crooked crescent, smoking a smile - dancing in the dusk of descent.

iv. enough.

v. my teeth taste the torch; my spit savors the scorch - my tongue toasts the tender, my throat tempers the tremors.

vi. my jaws are broken from chewing the cracked carousel, drinking up the dust and dancing to the death knell. who dreams of the damned deploying a dispel?

vii. the dead don’t want you, the fallen have you forfeit - outbid the outrage and send it into orbit: sing the splinters split and spit. who yields youth, yawning years beyond the yesterday?

[zpl1nt3r3d-b0n3-zhardz]

hello hello! we've been following your blog for a looooong time now and are back for ✨more names✨ that said! we humbly request some names that just scream "red"? nouns preferred, we're punk rock over here /hj /nf

thank you!!!!!

Hope you enjoy !

Adam

Blaze

Flynn

Rowan

Phoenix

Auburn

Rose

Jasper

Cherry

Scarlett

Poppy

Ruby

Garnet

Crimson

rebel

blood

bloodie

bloodlette

bledor

red (duh)

Redcurrant

velvet

Crab

Begonia

Cardinal

acerola

brick

fire

firework

magma

mars

saffron

amaryllis

anthurium

brass

cayenne

lava

radish

paprika

Newt

clay

pomegranate

granate

spider lily

rust

sandstone

wine

Rhubarb

Sumac

rubicundus

rufus

rubrum

ignis

flamma

incaendium

inflammo

plamya

Aero

alyx

andrix

ant

artery

axel

beedle

benrot

bergamot

calsifer

canis

carnis

carnivore

konrad

corveum

cyx

davros

deimos

diavolo

Duncan

Engel

fenris

fenrir

fox

gadora

Garrett

gizmo

heinous

Holt

horror

husk

icarus

inferno

inzra

ives

julian

jules

junos

kaizer

kenji

Kerrigan

Keegan

khaos

Lucian

Lucio

lucifer

lucid

maverick

maddox

ashton

malak

mania

Maroon

Marshall

moxie

moxel

nox

nyx

paint

paradox

Parker

pasha

patch

razor

raze

Reid

remor

riot

Rion

rottyn

ronnie

Sabastion

salami......

salmon

salsa

sanity

satyr

savion

Sawyer

scabz

scotch

seros

shadow

sorrow

spit

spitfire

spyder

tecula

theseus

uriel

Valdemar

valera

vampir

vesper

vriska

wyatt

zagen

zayden

Some noun and just some that scream red to us ! - 💜/🎸

[grandhotelabyss]

do you think most of the "fringe edgy politics" -sphere is just a project by the two parties to recapture the youth for the next generations? Or is that too reductive and cynical?

I think American politics achieves moderation by mediating binary extremes, as I discuss here, and that this is a somewhat organic process set in motion fairly early in our culture by our obsessive questioning of the meaning and destiny of America itself, a paradoxically stabilizing mania. That said, some current political actors have been alleged to be "psyops" in the exact sense you mean, such as AOC on the left and BAP on the right, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if that were true.