#man i'm enjoying this show sooooo much already

[op3ra]

hi hello hellooooo love of my life

[lunarcrown]

Hi hi hiiiii so ummm i read the latest htp chapter not too long ago (stayed up all night reading it because is obsessed) it was so good btw. I can't wait to see what happens next. It'd be so funny if Bravo and Timmy just saw Tango and Jimmy appear and they're just like "huh 🧍‍♂️" utterly confused. There's so much I could say and I have so many theories. I really liked that Tango slowly realized that he's loved because my boy my baby boy.. Heart been broken so many tiiiimes. But I'm glad that he's loved, that he gets to experience all this love and appreciation. Anyway, I am also obsessed with your Martyn design. He's sooooo pretty like.. Mmmmmmm pretty man pretty man. There's just something about him I can't describe. He's so gorgeous. So beautiful. Mwah mwah. Giving him forehead kisses. I also love your jimmy too. He has nice tits- I mean nice tits- I mean nice tits- I mean nice face. He has a very nice face. I rambled a lot but I am just excited for the next chapter already.

Firstly thank you for staying up ALL NIGHT TO READ!!! I hope that you got good rest after!!! And I’m so happy u ENJOYED!!

HAHAFG them showing up and it just being four people staring at each other is SO FUNNY DGHD

And YESS TANGO BE LOVED CHALLENGE, the foe?? Himself….

And THANK UUU HAHA martyn’s prettiness and Jimmy’s tiddy-ness make them so fun to DRAWWWW!! So have some big Dawgs!!

[matthewtkachuk]

one day all my love will come back to me

Spending a mid-degree gap year in the guest bedroom of your best friend who you’ve been in love with for ages seems to be a recipe for disaster until a hook up with a player from a visiting team threatens to change your future forever 

pairing: nathan mackinnon x reader; brayden point x reader

warnings: creative liberties taken with the 2021-2022 regular season schedule and the availability/contributions of Brayden Point during the 2022 playoffs, typical angst associated with a love triangle with a hint of unrequited love, sexual themes (not quite smut but more than implied) and the usual (alcohol, swearing, etc.)

word count: 10.9k

a/n: surprise @senditcolton i'm your summer exchange fic writer! i'm so so so sooooo sorry this is late, @wyattjohnston and i were having a hot girl european summer and it's not an excuse but a bit of an explanation. when i saw you had written brayden point twice in your players list, i knew it was time to dust off this fic idea i had last year and do her proper justice. i hope you like it!!! shout out to demi for the many "replace c with C" suggestions on google docs and @thomasschabot for the other suggestions. ok i'll shut up now, enjoy!!

The Avs are up by one with thirty seconds to go and you’re pretty sure you’re going to puke. It’s a good thing everyone is far too focused on the action going on at ice level to question why your gaze keeps bouncing between the good guys and a certain forward on the other team. It’s such a strange feeling—you want with your entire being for your boys to hoist the Cup, but there’s a small part of you that never wants to see the boy on the other team you care for so deeply, so upset. He was right, you both crossed the line past hooking up a long time ago. 

-

“You look hot.” 

In any other circumstance, those words from Nate would have your heart going into overdrive. As it stands, your heart is already pumping at a rate you fear is not healthy while you lie on a trampoline with your niece’s sprinkler set up beneath it. For every bitter complaint you’ve ever had about a Canadian winter, the opposing heat waves might just be slightly worse.

“A/C’s broken,” you say like that explains everything. 

Nate hums in response like maybe it does before pulling himself up beside you. 

Somehow the air around you feels even hotter, precipitation building at your hairline. You fuss for a minute, wiping away the sweat before dramatically slapping your hands down on the trampoline in protest. 

Nate ignores you, choosing to instead cheerfully proclaim “This is nice!”

“What do you want?” you ask in response. There are layers to your grumpiness, but for now you can pretend it’s all related to the unbearable heat.

“Can’t a guy visit his best friend?” 

You can feel his eyes on you, but you keep yours closed. “Not when it's 34 degrees out and humid as hell and he has to leave his air conditioned mansion to do so.”

“I saw your story and I was coming to invite you to my air conditioned mansion.”

“Is Sidney home?” Your tone is so much more nonchalant than you feel. It doesn’t matter that the aforementioned man went from Nate’s childhood hero to mentor to near-brother; it will never not be weird to have but one degree of separation from the man who’s name is on your town’s welcome sign. 

Nate laughs like he can read your mind, but you still don’t glance over at him. You don’t need to, not really. The image of him beside you comes all too easily to your inner mind. His hair’s got a wave from the humidity, his nose tinged red from the hot sun, and his chest golden and chiseled and harlequin romance novel cover-esque— 

“You know one day you’re going to have to get used to being around guys who made it to the show. Hell, I'm a guy who made it to the show.”

Finally you turn to look at him and he’s somehow even more beautiful than you’d just imagined. “That’s different Nate. You’re….you.”

He smiles at you and it’s brighter than the damn sun causing you so many problems today. “And Sid’s just Sid. And the guys in Denver are just the guys in Denver.”

His words have your nose scrunching and you promptly go back to laying flat on your back. “Don’t remind me.” There’s silence for a beat or two and then you continue, “Speaking of, are you sure it’s still okay—“

Nate doesn’t let you finish this time. “Yes, I’m sure it’s okay for you to hang around my apartment in Denver while you take a year off from school to figure out what you want to do.”

“Thanks Nate,” you reply and he hums in response. Abruptly you sit up, sliding a little from the slick trampoline surface. “Your A/C offer still standing too?”

He grins this time and you’re damn near blinded. “For you? Always.”

Sidney—Sid waves at you both from his kitchen when you pull up to Nate’s but that’s as far as it goes. Nate makes a joke about banana bread that you don’t quite get, mood souring considerably when you wonder aloud if he thinks Sidney will bring some over. 

It’s all forgotten when the cold air hits you as you enter the lake house. 

-

The summer passes by quickly without too much incident—just the nagging of your mother about your future and your own tiptoeing around the feelings you have for your friend. 

On one of your and Nate’s last nights before leaving for Denver, your niece pulls him aside and sternly instructs him to bring home the Cup for her. 

He laughs, but there’s something in his eye that says he means it when he says he will. That intensity doesn’t waiver, even as his gaze slides toward you. It has you thinking about a future by his side, celebrating those moments with him in a way so much greater than you do now. 

The thought doesn’t leave you as you kiss your family goodbye, trying desperately to not let any tears shed at the thought of no longer being a small distance away. Nate’s constant near proximity and the promise of more of it takes away the sting a little, but you fall into your sister’s embrace that little bit more all the same. 

Even as you do a final check of your things—two large suitcases, a carry-on and a backpack to house everything you’ll need for the next year—you think about it, of what it would be like to do this every year. What it would be like to pack with the intention of unpacking your things beside Nate’s in his closet. It’s silly, but sometimes you still feel like you’re fifteen years old, realizing you’re in love with your best friend as he goes away to the same hockey school as his idol. 

Two flights full of self doubt and Nate sleeping on your shoulder later you’re convinced spending your impromptu gap year at his place is a bad idea. But then he’s smiling and ‘welcome home’-ing you and you step through the door.

-

Unemployment and a mid-twenties life crisis isn’t so bad from the guest bedroom of a lavish semi-detached in the suburbs of Denver. The bed’s softer than the one in your childhood bedroom. Bigger too. And the closet leading into the attached en-suite has no business being the size it is. 

There are downsides of course. You are still unemployed and in the middle of a life crisis. Nathan is woefully unaware of your feelings and likely to never reciprocate. His teammates look at you like they know, though. And there’s the whole banning of any food that brings any modicum of enjoyment that you’re not entirely sure is serious or not. 

The teammates that come around are kind to you when you’re around them enough to let them be. A small part of it is the intimidation of them being professional hockey players but they’re good guys and you’ve met many of them before. Really, it’s something more akin to the inherent uncomfortability of your predicament. It’s Nate’s house and you’re free-loading. 

Of course he would argue differently if you voiced your thoughts and hang ups but that’s precisely why you don’t. 

Nate may have never caught onto your feelings for him, but he’s not an oblivious person. That’s probably how you end up in the family box, being personally invited to brunch with the Better Halves by the best-half-in-charge herself, Mel Landeskog. 

You find yourself nodding despite the anxiety of the possibility of making new friends, certain it’s less of an invitation and more of a demand. 

She tells you as much, pressing a mimosa into your hand when you arrive at a cute restaurant and a table full of beautiful, predominantly blonde women. If Nate’s teammates were intimidating on a personal level, their wives and girlfriends are a whole other level. Never in your life have you been so surrounded by a group of women so put together—every outfit perfectly on point, every head of hair treated to an expensive blowout, every foundation shade perfectly matched or worse, no makeup needed. 

It has you self-conscious, despite having spent ages picking out something to wear and trying to tame your hair into something presentable. The mimosa helps, and so do the compliments from Ashley Kadri. Little by little you open up, and by the end of brunch you have a killer buzz and a dozen new instagram followers and numbers in your phone. 

When Nate picks you up, the bubbles have gone to your head. You spend the entire ride back to his place with the back of your head pressed to the passenger side window so that you can grin stupidly at his side profile. 

“The girls are great,” you tell him with a silly giggle. His returning smile reeks of satisfaction of a job well done, but you don’t focus on it. “We’re gonna get dinner this week too!”

-

Although Mel takes you under her wing, it’s Heidy, Cale’s girlfriend who you instantly click with. 

She’s every bit as beautiful and kind as the rest of them, but you connect with her on a different level. It’s almost like you’ve known her as long as you’ve known Nate. She shares your love of Taylor Swift and gets your jokes and is more than happy to let you bounce future career plans off her. 

You can tell the girls have questions about your relationship with Nate, and truthfully they can get in line behind you. Sometimes, when you’re not careful, it almost feels like you’re not alone in how you feel. Sometimes it feels like you’re high school sweethearts, playing house on the precipice of a greater future. 

Nate doesn’t help it himself though. It’s you he calls on long road trips, you he pulls into a giant hug outside the locker room before driving you both home after a game. You who is invited to WAG functions as a connection to him—both informally in a social context and more formally and broadly. Things like charity toy drives and the family box at games. A part of you fears the possibility of playoffs—especially with odds so clearly in the Avs favor—and what it would mean to be so publicly claimed as Nate’s while privately remaining the way you always have been. 

It’s Heidy who you confide in. She’s always there to offer her ear, her shoulder, her opinion. And, although she encourages you to share your feelings, she also knows when to back off and let you do it when and if you’re ready. 

You don’t think you’ll ever be ready. 

-

With Christmas comes the Better Halves Christmas Tree Auction. It’s Mel’s favorite charity event of the season, she tells you gleefully. 

“Every event is her favorite,” Suzanna says behind her back later. 

Designated Favorite Human of the Avalanche Children is usually your favorite title, but it means you have one kid hanging off of you when the girls drop the bomb on you. 

“So what are you thinking for your WAG tree?”

It’s an innocent enough question, especially when you think it’s aimed at one of the aforementioned WAGs in the family box. Only when there is no response do you look up and realize it’s meant for you instead. 

“Sorry, what?”

“Your…Tree,” someone says slowly and you shake your head. 

Your tone and words are almost as flustered as you are. “No I heard you. I’m just—What do you—Why are you asking me?”

“Well, Nate said…” 

It all comes clear. Yet again, you’re expected to play the part. At great personal cost, mind you. It’s a mindfuck and a half, having to do all the things that you do for a man you love when it doesn’t mean anything. 

Your thoughts are invaded with a tempestuous mixture of Nate and your relationship or lack thereof and yet another public acknowledgement. 

Truly, you wonder if the others in the box pity you or laugh behind your back. 

“C’mon,” Heidy says later, when the final buzzer sounds, cementing another win. “I’ll drive you home.”

“Nate’s,” you correct weakly. 

She nods and repeats his name, grabbing your arm and leading you away. 

-

You’re stewing in silence when Nate comes home. 

“You okay?” he questions upon finding you in the living room, lit up only by the light filtering in through the large bay window. 

The twitch of your eye is the only indication you’ve heard and recognized his words for a long moment. You can practically hear the gears whirring in his head, can feel the moment he’s about to speak again. 

Not wanting to give him the opportunity, you ask, “Why?” His brows furrow and his head tits and so you continue. “Why did you say I would do your Better Half tree?”

“It’s for charity…You love charity work.” Nate visibly relaxes and you understand why. He’s not wrong, engaging in charity work has been a big part of why you’re not wallowing in self pity, but this isn’t just simple ‘charity work’ and you tell him as much. 

“I love toy drives and helping at the soup kitchen and adoption events at the ASPCA. This is different, this is your WAG tree. It means something. It’s in your name, like I’m—I’m—“ you can’t bring yourself to say it. 

“Everything you mentioned you do in my name.” He doesn’t seem to get it, frustrating you further. 

“It’s not the same, Nate! All those other things I do as part of the larger group. It’s all facilitated by your team and your teammates ‘Better Halves.’ Their wives and girlfriends. They’ve all made me feel welcome, but I'm not one of them. This implies that I am one of them, but I’m not your girlfriend and certainly not your wife.”

“You basically are.” The phrase has your heart jumping into your throat. Of every daydream or fantasy you’ve ever allowed yourself to slip into, you never dreamed this would be how it all went down—“Without actually being my wife or girlfriend.”

“Right.” Your voice is short and clipped, masking the hurt quickly overtaking you. You won’t cry—you’re stronger than that. So strong in fact, that you lay down a firm boundary. “I won’t do it. Get Sidney to do it or something.”

“Okay,” he says slowly, pausing and then asking, “We’re good, right?”

“Yep.” You feign nonchalance and then wish him a good night. 

The pillow holds all your tears and secrets. 

-

The incident sticks with you, despite your many attempts to shake it off. Even Heidy can’t help. She tries anyway. 

You’re not his. 

But you are. You’re his and you have been for years now. Since he was leaving for school. Maybe even many years before that. Regardless of the true beginning, it doesn’t quite matter. What really matters is this: you’re not sure it will ever have an ending, but you’re almost certain if it does, it won’t be the one you want. 

You’re his but he’s not yours. 

Part of him is, sure, but you share that part with the other residents of Cole Harbour. The other part with the team and his teammates and their families, with the fans and the haters alike. The part you so desperately want to be yours has belonged to many a woman, but never to you. 

It was a lot easier to live in the space between his childhood best friend and everything more when you were separated the majority of the year. A summer chock full of other things to do and focus your attention on to keep the longing at bay and enough distance for the rest of the year to forget how it feels to have him near without really having him. 

One of Heidy’s distraction schemes involves hitting up downtown Denver a few nights later. 

“But it’s Thursday,” you say when she shows up at Nate’s dressed up like she’s ready to hit the bar. 

“I have tomorrow off and you don’t have a job, so,” she replies. 

You frown, “Ouch.” She throws a look your way as if to not take it so personally and continues perusing your closet. “I’m not really feeling up to going out tonight.”

“Too damn bad,” she replies. “You can’t just sit here and wallow for the rest of your life.”

“Watch me,” you retort but start to get up anyway. 

She smirks and tosses some clothes at you. “Get dressed and do something with your hair. I’ll do your makeup.”

“Where are you guys going all dressed up?” Nate questions when he spots the two of you in the foyer. 

“Out.” Heidy is curt, a consequence of her not only being a good friend to you, but also her own awareness of his behavior. 

His brows knit together but he soldiers on, “Do you want company?”

“Nope!” She’s much more cheerful now that she’s handed you your coat and bundled herself up. “Don’t wait up!”

Heidy drags you out to Cale’s car, where the man himself sits waiting. You instantly feel bad—between your protesting and actual time spent getting ready, he’d been sitting a while. 

“Have you been here the whole time?” you ask as you get in the backseat. He shrugs with a rosy smile as Heidy pushes you in further and takes a seat beside you. After pressing a quick kiss to her boyfriend’s cheek over the center console, of course. 

Cale doesn’t stick around after dropping you both off—a wave, a ‘be safe’, and ‘call me when you’re ready to go home’ and he’s gone. 

You’re terrible company admittedly, mouth set in a deep frown that doesn’t crack even as you sip your drink. Heidy does most of the talking at first, blabbing away about everything and nothing. Until she sighs, slaps her hand down on the bar top and says, “You need to deal with this. Either you need to resolve things with Nate or you need to get over it, distract yourself with something or someone else.”

You nearly choke on the last of your drink. “Gee, Heidy, could you be any more subtle?”

“I’m worried about you.” She’s so earnest it tugs at your heart. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll try. Really.” 

She smiles, relaxing into the seat at the bar top. 

Just then, the bartender sets another drink in front of you. 

“I didn’t order another,” you state politely, attempting to hand back the drink. 

The bartender shakes his head, motioning to the table in the corner as he speaks. “From someone at that table.”

It’s a group of athletic men, but only one is looking your way. He’s all intense eyes framed by intense eyebrows, but the look on his face doesn’t match the intensity. It’s…intriguing to say the least. Soft but confident, and definitely interested. 

It’s not until one of the other men at the table elbows him that you realize they’re the team playing the Avs tomorrow night. 

Quickly you spin back around and whisper to your friend, “Someone from the Tampa Bay Lightning just bought me a drink.”

Her eyes widen and she herself turns around quickly to get a glimpse of your admirer across the bar. You grab at her arm and bring her back to face the bar top. 

“Heidy!” you hiss. 

“Sorry!” she replies, “What are you going to do?”

You think about it for a second before throwing caution to the wind. Putting on your flirtiest smile, you turn around a lot more gracefully this time. Raising the gifted drink, you tilt it in a ‘Cheers’ motion before wrapping your lips around the straw for a sip. He responds with an identical gesture, although with an amber colored beer bottle instead. 

Satisfied, you resume your earlier position while Heidy speaks. 

“When I said you needed a distraction that is not what I meant!”

You roll your eyes. “It’s a drink, not a marriage proposal. Relax.”

She does, until you pull her out to the dance floor with eyes only for the man across the bar. Lucky for you—and less lucky for Heidy’s resting heart rate and blood pressure—he’s got eyes for you, too. 

It only takes half a song for him to approach and introduce himself. “I’m Brayden.”

You smile and reciprocate, waiting a beat for Heidy to speak too, but she just tilts her nose up. An elbow to her side doesn’t get her speaking and so you introduce her, too. 

One of Brayden’s eyebrows raise and you find yourself momentarily mesmerized by the action before quickly explaining, “Big Avalanche fans.”

He nods slowly once, then shrugs. “Maybe I can change that.”

“Doubtful,” she says under her breath, but if you heard it, you imagine Brayden did too. 

She doesn’t thaw any, even as the song changes. Nor does she get the hint to take herself elsewhere and so you rather pointedly ask if she can go get you both another round. 

Heidy isn’t even able to get out whatever she was ready to grumble before Brayden is offering, pausing to ask what Heidy is drinking. She begrudgingly tells him and he disappears. 

“Seriously? You could have any guy here and that’s who you go for?” she asks. 

You shrug, “He’s the one I want.”

She softens at your earnest tone. “Okay.”

“Call Cale,” you tell her. “Go curl up on the couch and watch TV together or whatever you would have done if you weren’t worrying about me.”

“I don’t know…”

“Go. I’ll be fine. And I’ll text you if I need you,” you confirm. 

She sighs. “I’m waiting for my drink first.”

You laugh and pull her into a side hug. “Love you.”

True to her word, she finishes the drink Brayden brings her—even managing a ‘thank you!’—before slipping off into the crowd and, you imagine, into her boyfriend’s car. 

Brayden looks a little concerned at her rapid exit. “Did I do something to make her leave?” 

“Besides playing for the wrong team? Nah.” 

He doesn’t look convinced, but the concern fades when you wrap your arms around his neck. 

It’s all but gone when you press your lips to his. 

You dance for another few songs and another drink before your inhibitions are just low enough to drag him in the direction of the bathrooms. 

The men’s is empty when you enter, and so you flip the lock on the door and press yourself against him. 

He reciprocates, crowding you against the door with his mouth hot on yours. 

Your whole body lights up at his touch, coming alive beneath his fingertips. There are no thoughts of Nate or the predicament you’ve found yourself in, just Brayden. 

His hands are curved around your jaw, and your leg is wrapped around his waist when he pulls away. “Wait...wait.”

“You don’t want…?” You’re not drunk, just a little bit more sensitive to rejection than you usually would be. 

“No that’s—That’s not it at all. I want you, like, really want you.” He kisses you, and as good as his touch feels, being wanted feels that extra bit more. “Not like this. Not here.”

Truthfully, you’ve never been the kind of girl who lets someone hit and quit in a bar bathroom before. Or anywhere really. A part of you that you thought was long buried stirs inside of you and you realize for the first time in a long time you’re feeling something for a man who isn’t your best friend. 

Your best friend. Shit. “I have a kind of odd living situation right now, my place isn’t an option.”

“Your parents?”

You bark out a laugh that he immediately covers with his mouth. “No, they’re back in Canada.”

“Your husband? Your boyfriend?” He’s joking, but you can’t help but get the sense there’s an ounce of worry that he’s right. It’s such an inconceivable notion that Nate could ever be either to you that you laugh again. 

“No, I just live with a friend who probably won’t be understanding about a strange man in their house.” 

Brayden visibly relaxes, pauses, and then says, “I have a hotel room…you’ll have to be quiet though.”

“I can be quiet,” you reply, barely hiding your smirk. 

You try your best, really give it your best effort, but no one has ever touched you like he does. 

Nate doesn’t cross your mind once. 

-

You sneak out early in the morning, determined to not have a semi-public walk of shame in front of an entire hockey team. It’s almost a success until you run into his captain in the lobby. Feeling your face grow hot, you give him a little nod and escape to the waiting Uber. You can only hope he doesn’t get too much shit, telling him as much using the newest number in your phone. 

You’re not nearly as lucky, facing the firing squad that is Nate as you slip into the entryway. It shouldn’t be a surprise to see your best friend awaiting your arrival, if the several messages that popped up when you’d finally opened your phone to send the aforementioned text to Brayden were any indication. 

“Where have you been?” he asks and you have to keep from rolling your eyes. 

“Out,” you say, calling back to Heidy’s response last night but he doesn’t accept it as easily coming from you. 

“All night?” he continues the interrogation. 

“I crashed at Heidy’s last night, what’s with the fifth degree, Dad?”

He looks like he was waiting for this moment as he replies, “No you didn’t, I talked to Cale.”

This time you do roll your eyes. “It’s none of your business, Nate.”

“It is my business if you’re under my roof,” he says, doing his best impression of your father for real this time. 

You know it’s not his intention, but your stomach drops all the same. The old feeling of guilt and shame and failure floods your veins, and you can tell he notices. 

“I’m sorry,” he offers, “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just worried and you didn’t answer my messages.”

“I know,” you say but the words taste bitter in your mouth. “I’m going to go get some more sleep. See you later.”

He repeats the words back at you, but you’re more focused on the buzzing phone in your pocket. 

Safe in Nate’s guest bedroom, you slip into something more comfortable, get beneath the covers and open your messages. 

Bar Guy 💙🤍: Got fined

Bar Guy 💙🤍: Probably going to get chirped for a month

Bar Guy 💙🤍: Worth it though 

You: I would tell you I’m sorry but I’m not 

Bar Guy 💙🤍: Me either

-

If you thought that was the beginning and the end of Brayden you would be sorely mistaken. 

Long distance flirting becomes a long distance hook up becomes him flying you out to see him. Any time you protested the latter, you’d find a non-refundable ticket in your email and a ‘please’ in your text messages. 

Fall fades into Winter and Bar Guy 💙🤍 turns to Brayden turns to B 💙. As your feelings for him grow, you find thoughts of Nate as anything other than someone-you-grew-up-with fade. 

You come clean about the ‘friend you live with’ being Nathan MacKinnon before the first time you fly down to see him, worried that your lie by omission might be a dealbreaker. Brayden only laughs, he figured Heidy’s hostility was more than just motivated by more than sports team loyalty. 

The thing about Brayden is he never makes you feel bad about Nate. He is understanding and gracious, never demanding, never unreasonable. A small part of you sometimes thinks about how if the roles were reversed, you don’t think Nate would be quite the same. 

Initially unsupportive and apprehensive, Heidy comes around, although her persistence turns from telling Nate how you feel to telling Nate about Brayden. You don’t do either, and she keeps your secrets. 

Nate being selected for the All Star Game in Vegas while Brayden isn’t brings a unique opportunity for a week straight in hot, sunny Florida. The chill of Denver isn’t quite as biting as back home, but you’re excited to escape it all the same. 

He doesn’t ask you to join him in Vegas, but you do wonder if he thought he didn’t need to. 

It doesn’t matter either way, when an errant high stick in overtime breaks his nose and dashes his All Star dreams. 

Your first thought upon seeing him bloody and disoriented on the ice is that there is no way you can go to Florida. 

It probably looks much worse than it is, the girls try to reassure you in the box, but you’re not convinced. 

Nate’s reassurances later don’t do much either. Not with his face puffy and bruised and some dried blood on his chin. 

It’s not until he assures you that his mom and sister will be coming down to Denver since they had the time off anyway that you decide for sure you will go. 

The day you leave for the airport, his pathetic form on the couch is almost enough to have you last minute cancelling on Brayden. 

Nate all but demands you don’t miss out on his account, asking that you ‘be safe’ and ‘have fun’. 

In return you hit him with a ‘thanks Dad’ and ‘take it easy’ despite knowing just by virtue of who he is as a person he will be doing the exact opposite.  

Thoughts of Nate, broken and bruised, haunt you the entire journey. They don’t fade until you’re in Brayden’s arms. Even then, it’s a dull ache that you do your best to ignore. 

Evidently you don’t do a very good job of hiding it, or maybe Brayden just knows you better than you think, because he catches on before you’ve even reached his place. 

“You okay?” he asks, gently squeezing your knee where his hand rests. 

Turning to look at his side profile, so earnest and sweet, you don’t even think of lying. 

“I’m worried about Nate.”

“I get that,” he says and you wonder if he truly does. “I’m glad you’re here with me though.”

Smiling at him, you are too, and so you try to push down the guilt and focus your attention on the man you’re with. 

You check on Nate periodically throughout the week, never getting much more than a thumbs up emoji, but at least you know he’s alive. 

Brayden wines and dines and, well, you know the rest of the rhyme. 

By the time the week is up, you don’t want to leave. It’s strange how meeting one person can change things so drastically. Before Brayden, you would never have dreamed of spending a week with another man when Nate was injured and possibly may have needed you. 

It also puts things into perspective for you. 

Really emphasizes how much additional emotional labor you put in—and were expected to—in your relationship with Nate. The lines and boundaries had long since blurred, and it took dedicating your time and energy to another man to see it. 

If Nate notices the way you pull back even further when you return, he doesn’t say anything about it. 

-

Falling for Brayden is easy. It’s a gentle float down to the ground, landing among a field of flowers to catch your fall. A stark contrast to the free fall of being pushed from an airplane at 10,000 feet by Nate. 

Where Nate’s sharp edges have cut you time and time and time again, Brayden’s curves wrap around you and hold you tight. 

When you’re not physically with him, you’re texting and calling, and when you’re not doing that you’re thinking about him. 

Neither of you make any move to define the relationship further, but it doesn’t sting like the years of being strung along by Nate did. It’s probably because while no words have been exchanged to that effect, Brayden lets you feel how much he cares for you. 

-

You’re nearly found out late in the regular season. 

Something about Tampa has started to feel familiar and safe—you try not to think about exactly why that is—and so, despite the knowledge that the boys are in town, too, you’re not as careful as you should be. 

There’s an ice cream spot near Brayden’s that you’ve taken to frequenting. As a consequence, it’s also near the arena. 

Because it’s so close, you decide to walk there, teasing him the whole way about how one ice cream cone won’t derail his nutrition plan. He’s arguing back, but you know it’s in vain because his sweet tooth and the lilt of your voice will win in the end. 

Your hands naturally brush as a result of your close proximity and you take the opportunity to link your pinkies. He smiles softly and you walk in silence for a minute until he breaks it. 

“You really won’t let me give you my jersey?” It’s a question that has come up before, but every time it does you wonder if it’s a little bit more serious of an ask than the last. 

“I’d rather die. Maybe if you were a better hockey player,” you tease, jumping back to avoid his grasp. 

He gasps playfully, thick eyebrows raising with his wide eyes. “Take that back right now.” He takes a step closer to you but you dodge his advances, sliding to the other side of the bench. 

“Sorry baby, you know I bleed blue and maroon. Wouldn’t be caught dead in traitor blue.” Not to mention you’d never ever hear the end of it from the boys if someone saw you in it. 

He fakes left and you fall for it, giggling madly as he wraps you up in his arms and scrapes his beard against your cheek. “What about just for me?” he asks, kissing your neck once and then nipping at it with his teeth before pulling back to look into your eyes. “In my bed with nothing else on?”

It’s like the already beautiful temperature rises even higher when he presses his mouth to yours. You give in quickly, pressing onto the tips of your toes to get even closer. It turns dirty quickly, his tongue in your mouth and his fingers buried deep in your hair. 

And then a familiar voice calls your name. 

You pull from Brayden like you’ve been burnt, a look of pure panic crossing your face as you realize you know the body attached to the voice. 

It’s JT and he looks like been standing there long enough to figure out what’s going on. 

“JT—“ you start to explain, but pause. There is no easy, simple explanation. There are months and months, hell years and years, of backstory and layers to even get to this point. 

“I thought—“ He appears to change his mind, stopping his thought mid sentence and switching to a question. “What’s going on here?”

“Brayden and I are, well, we’re.” It’s a struggle to explain what you are to one of Nate’s teammates when you haven’t had this conversation in full with the man beside you. Finally, you land on “We’re together.”

You don’t look over at Brayden to see his reaction. 

“How long?” is the natural follow up. 

It’s another tough question, but you decide to go with the first time you met and slept together. “Before Christmas.”

“Does Nate know?” he asks. The wild look in your eyes must give you away because he signs and says your name. “You have to tell him.”

You get that, really you do. But at the same time it’s your business what you do and who you do it with, not Nate’s. At the same time, you know it would be a really shit thing for him to find out through someone who isn’t you. 

Beyond that, you’re pretty sure right before playoffs isn’t the right time to have that conversation and you tell JT as much. “I know, I will. After the season I’ll tell everyone.”

JT looks less than convinced. 

“You know Nate, it wouldn’t do anyone any good while the season is still going on. Please, you can’t tell him.”

JT might be as aware as you are of who Nate is as a person, and he’s certainly more aware of who Nate is as a hockey player and so he agrees despite his clear hesitance. “Promise me, after the season.”

“I promise.”

When he’s gone, Brayden finally speaks up. “You want to go public with us?”

You worry you’ve said the wrong thing, starting to babble about how you’re sorry the conversation didn’t occur privately first, and how you don’t need to go public if it’s not something he wants to do when he silences you with a kiss. 

“I want to tell everyone,” he says earnestly and you kiss him again.  

JT thankfully keeps his word. 

-

Nate doesn’t watch any other team in the playoffs. 

It makes trying to catch Brayden’s games tough, sneaking out to sports bars, watching games on your phone in Nate’s guest room, even flying out to watch a couple home games during the run. 

The only supportive merch you sport is a necklace with his number, and on occasion a little blue and white lacy number under your clothes. You’re not offered a WAG jacket—whether that’s due to Brayden knowing well enough you don’t want to be that public or because your reaction to the style of jacket itself was less than positive. 

In the back of your mind you recognize there’s a chance it could come down to the teams of the boys you care for most; one Eastern Conference, one Western Conference. 

Selfishly, when the first round between the Bolts and the Leafs goes to seven, part of you hopes for it to end right there. Most of you is glad they push through. 

On Colorado’s side of the playoff bracket, they absolutely rip through everyone who stands in their way. 

You are offered a jacket with Nate’s name and number in glitter, but you turn it down in favor of a lucky baseball cap, though you do accept an unpersonalized crop from Madison. 

Some of the girls decide to travel for the away games. You have to turn them down because there are already tickets with your name on them to see Brayden. There’s no way you can—or would—miss any Avs home games, and so instead you end up being one of a handful of supporters in the likes of Toronto, Miami and New York. 

It’s a difficult balancing act as the playoffs progress in both teams�� favor. 

And then your worst nightmare comes true. The quest for the Cup comes down to your… whatever Brayden is to you and to Nate and the team you’ve supported since he was drafted and all the other people who have come to feel like family. 

Whispering to Brayden in the dark of night before the Finals begin, you tell him, “You know I support you, but…”

“It’s okay,” he whispers back, even though he has no reason to match your tone all alone in his home in Tampa. “I get it. As long as you still like me, you can like them a little bit more.”

You giggle, “It’s got nothing to do with liking you, you dolt.” 

“Bolt,” he corrects, and even though you can’t see him you know he’s smiling. 

“Oh my God, shut up.” You don’t mean it literally but he’s quiet for a second too long. “No matter what happens I’m proud of you.”

For two people who have never properly defined nor publicized their relationship, it might be too heavy of a moment, but his quiet thank you is laced with emotion. 

“Go to bed,” you say after another few beats of silence. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The first two games are in Colorado, and the boys take both at home. 

“Ain’t over til it’s over,” is both of your boys’ philosophy after the first two. 

Nate is positively buzzing, especially after so decisively winning the second, but still cautious—very aware of how quickly a 2-0 lead can turn into the end of the line and empty hands. 

Brayden is also cautious, and this isn’t his first or even second rodeo at the Cup final in as many years. You try to kiss it better in a random hallway in the bowels of Ball Arena. 

Finally accepting the Better Halves’ invitation to travel to road games, you have a good seat to Tampa taking back some momentum in game three before promptly handing it back to Colorado. 

You die and come back to life a dozen times in game four as Brayden and his team hold on. 

Game five is to be played back in Tampa, and you spend the night before the game in Brayden’s bed instead of the hotel Nate has paid for. “Good luck,” you whisper against his lips early in the morning before you leave to meet the girls for breakfast. 

“You don’t mean that,” he teases, stretching out in such a way that has you considering skipping breakfast—certain teasing and interrogation be damned. 

“Good luck to you,” you amend, kissing him once more. “Your team can rot.”

His laughter rings in your ears as you leave. 

Mel corners you after breakfast, a familiar offending piece of clothing in her hands. “This could be it,” she explains, offering you the jean jacket. 

If it were any year previous, you might have worn it. If you didn’t have Brayden, you might have worn it. If Nate had offered it to you himself alongside a confession, you might have worn it. 

None of these things are true, and so you decline. “I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”

Her smile has a twinge of sadness and understanding as she replies, “Okay.”

-

Sitting alongside the girls in the box with your cropped sweater hiding the 21 necklace around your neck, you’ve never felt more torn. 

Brayden’s captain nets one early in the first, and you’re not sure you breathe again until Nate’s powerplay evens the score early in the second. There’s an undercurrent of excitement in the box alongside the nervous energy. Midway through the second, Arturri tips it in and Amalie Arena is silent. 

It stays like that for the rest of the period until you excuse yourself to grab a drink at intermission. Standing in the long drink line, you spot a little girl in a Point jersey and your stomach twists as you think about how no matter which way this ends, someone you care for will be hurt. 

That feeling doesn’t leave as you sit through a scoreless third period. The arena gets loud with Bolts fans throughout, celebrating every blocked shot and turnover. That intensity picks up in the dying seconds of the game as Brayden picks off the puck in the defensive zone. 

He rushes up the ice flanked by his linemates, but is momentarily stopped by Cale. 

He gets his stick back on the puck and your nails dig into the leather arm of the box seat. Suzanna grabs your hand, assuming it’s worry for her boyfriend and his teammates and you let her think that and hold your hand. 

Three seconds. 

Two seconds. 

He shoots right as the buzzer sounds and Darcy gloves it down like there was never a question of him stopping it. 

The entire box explodes in a chorus of cheers—there’s shouting, swearing, crying, laughter and you’re right in the middle of them all. Your boys are Stanley Cup Champions. 

Someone grabs you, and then someone else joins in and suddenly you’re in the middle of a dog pile. “They fucking did it!”

You’re so fucking excited, incredibly proud and honestly a little weepy about your favorite people finally getting their hands on their childhood dream. But, a bigger part of the organ in your chest than you want to admit aches for the downturn of Brayden’s head as he skates back to the bench. 

An attendant appears and wrangles the rowdy bunch down to the ice. You’ve got Linnea Landeskog in your arms and a giant grin on your face as your feet touch the ice.

“Down please,” she politely states while trying to wriggle out of your grasp. The second she’s down she’s running at her daddy who sweeps her up in his arms. 

And then Nate’s on you in a way that you used to long for when you were younger. He’s red and sweaty and out of breath but none of these things stop him from hauling you up into his arms and spinning you until you smack at his chest, demanding to be let down much like Linnea only minutes ago. 

He stops spinning but he doesn’t let go, staring up at you with a look he’s never given you before. You’re so caught up in the excitement of it all you barely notice, grabbing his cheeks and shouting in his face, “You fucking did it!”

“We fucking did,” he says like he can’t believe this moment is happening—whether that’s due to you in his arms or the Cup that will now bear his name no one can really say. He kind of looks like he’s about to do something stupid, leaning in ever so slightly, and so you finally succeed at leaving his arms, slipping slightly as you reach the ice once again. Brayden is watching from across the ice, a sad look on his face that you just want to kiss off. You don’t though, just pat Nate on the back once and continue moving, throwing yourself at Cale, then Burky, then Mikko.

It’s a blur of celebrations and photos with the Cup—you even let Linnea convince you to take a photo with her and the Cup, her mom remarking that it looks good on you. When you pull from your photo pose, you give her a questioning look. “A baby and a cup,” she smirks, blatantly looking over at Nate who seems to agree. 

You laugh nervously—last year that was all you wanted, the boys to win and Nate to want you in that way. Now? Now you can picture it still, you just picture it with someone else. 

Finally, you’re able to sneak away and Brayden has the same idea, telling you to meet him in a closet by the locker room. No words are exchanged as he pulls you in by your hips and kisses you like he needs it to breathe. 

“I’m sorry,” you tell him and you mean it. 

A crinkle forms between his eyes. “No you’re not.”

You kiss him again once, “I’m not sorry the boys won tonight, but I am sorry it was against you.”

“There’s always next year.” It’s far more flippant than you had anticipated, really you thought you’d be dealing with an upset Brayden and that might have broken your heart. 

“I thought you’d be more upset.”

“Can’t win ‘em all,” he says and you give him a look to be serious. “So what, we didn’t win the Cup this season. I got you, didn’t I?”

“Fuck off, dont be stupid.” Your cheeks are hot and your eyes are wild. 

“I mean it. I’d take you over the Cup nine times out of ten.”

“What about the other one?” 

“Need to win another one for us to put our future babies in.”

“Awfully presumptuous for a hook up.” 

“This is so much more than a hook up.”

“Yeah,” you admit, sinking deeply into another kiss. 

“Besides,” he pauses, “Already got two rings.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Okay I gotta go. Will you come get me later?”

He looks at you like you’re stupid to ask, like he’d go into the pits of hell itself for you without hesitation. “Of course. Now go. Celebrate. I’ll see you later.”

You slip out first, making sure the coast is clear and go find the others. A Stanley Cup Champion hat is placed upon your head and a bottle of champagne in your hand. There’s a celebration in the visitor locker room and then the party moves to a local bar. 

Someone shells out the money for a few bottles of vintage Dom Perignon that you indulge in, but mostly you just relish in the happiness of everyone around you. If you’re honest, you spend a fair amount of time avoiding Nate who has a serious look every time you catch him staring. 

Shortly before midnight, you slip out of the bar and into Brayden’s waiting car. The bubbly must have gone to your head, because you forgo any verbal greeting in favor of launching yourself over the center console to press your lips to his. 

He pulls away and very somberly states, “I can’t take you seriously in that sweater.”

Looking down, you spot the Avalanche crop and laugh as you pull it off and toss it in the back. “Better?”

He hums, fingertip tracing the chain around your neck from your clavicle down between your breasts to reveal his number on the pendant. “Much.”

You sink back into another kiss before remembering where you are, who you’re with and what you’re doing meanwhile the bar you just left is crawling with people you’re not quite ready to come clean to just yet. 

“Take me home, Bray,” you say as you relax back into the passenger seat. 

You don’t have the power to bring your lover the Stanley Cup your friends were just drinking out of. All you have to offer is yourself, but he accepts it with as much gratitude as your best friend accepted the Cup earlier. 

Later, he looks like he wants to ask you to stay, and you think you look like you want him to. 

In the end, it doesn’t matter as you fall asleep next to him and somehow make it back to your hotel room in the morning with no one the wiser. 

-

Nate spends a few more weeks in Denver after the win, celebrating with the guys and riding the high of winning it all. You only spend a couple days and then move out of his house and back into your parents. 

You don’t tell him about Brayden, content to let Nate enjoy his successes. 

As a consequence, you don’t see much of him in July or August. Even when you’re both home, he’s busy with all his other friends and his family, and you’re busy with your niece and deciding on what to do in the fall. You’ve determined the best course of action is to finish your degree and then apply to a masters program in order to change your career path. 

The choice, then, is where to do so. You can stay at home, commute an hour each way into the city—supported by your hometown friends and your family. Or you can make the shift to Denver for real, with your found family and with Nate. Or…

The University of Tampa Bay has an excellent program. You know from your time visiting Brayden through the season that the university is right around the corner from Amalie Arena and Brayden’s. It’s awfully presumptuous, but you find yourself daydreaming about the possibility much like you used to daydream about a future in Denver. 

Of course, there’s an entire continent of possibilities, hell an entire world of possibilities, but these are the three most attractive options. 

There are many discussions to be had, and choices to be made. You don’t want to do either until you’ve had a chance to speak to Brayden in person, but just as Nate’s had a busy summer, so too has he. 

He messages you every morning before and after working out while you’re still asleep. Every conversation eventually devolves into some combination of ‘I miss you’ and ‘when can I see you?’ 

You do manage to spend a few days with him in the Rockies mid-July that fly by far too quickly. Every time you leave Brayden it gets harder and the implications of it all have your stomach in knots when the thought crosses your mind. 

-

It all comes to a head spectacularly the day before Nate’s day with the Cup. You’re at Nate’s, helping to prepare for the post-parade celebration when you’re called away by his sister. She wants your help deciding on which photos to display—it’s a mixture of past and present alongside an elementary school assignment two decades old wherein Nate declared his future profession would be ‘Stanley Cup Champion.’

You’re smiling, lost in the memories when Nate comes crashing into the room you’re in. There’s an indiscernible look on his face, but it reads somewhere between anger, frustration and hurt. The look on your face betrays your confusion, and it only deepens when you see your phone in his hands. 

“What are you doing with my phone?” you ask. 

His jaw ticks. “Thought it was mine.”

It doesn’t really do anything for your confusion. If anything, it deepens it. “What’s your problem Nate?”

“This! This is my problem.” He finally cracks, shoving your phone in your face to reveal messages from Brayden—under the contact name of the letter B and a heart—wondering when you plan on making the trip to Calgary to see him. Your stomach drops and your heart feels like it’s at risk of falling right out your chest. It was always going to come out, but especially as you crossed the line between sharing body heat with Brayden and sharing your secrets, hopes and dreams. 

That being said, it is a shit way for your relationship to come to light for sure, but you can’t help but feel your friend is overreacting. Sarah is looking between the two of you, panicked and frozen like she doesn’t know what to do. 

“I think your mom could use some help in the backyard, Sar,” you say gently, and she gladly takes the opportunity to flee. Once she’s gone, you turn on Nate. “I’m sorry that you found out this way, but you had no right to come in here like that. Poor Sarah looked terrified!”

He looks at you incredulously. Now that his sister is out of ear shot, he appears to have allowed himself to lean into his emotions a little more. “I have no right? What about you? Hooking up with some random guy in Calgary? Is that where you’ve been running off to these past few months?”

You know that this is probably the least important part of his rant, but you feel the need to clarify. “He’s not just some guy, Nate. His name is Brayden. And for the record, no. I wasn’t in Calgary, I was in Tampa.

He looks confused in addition to enraged, and so you put the pieces together for him. “I’ve been seeing Brayden Point.”

“You’ve been sleeping with the enemy?”

“Are you joking?” 

This is not your friend Nate. This is some angry being inhabiting the body of your friend Nate. 

He doesn’t back down. “It was between us and them in the final, pretty sure that qualifies as the enemy!” He pauses for a second and then continues, “How long have you been sleeping with him? During the final? Were you rooting for him instead?”

“Nate—“

“No, don’t Nate me. I bet you were, I bet you wanted them to win, him to win. I bet you were sitting there in the family box, using tickets I paid for, against me the whole time.”

“That’s not fair!” you try to interject, despite the tiny grain of truth to his words. It would be untrue to say some small part of you wanted Brayden to succeed, but your loyalties have always been with Nate and his team. 

“Don’t bother. I wouldn’t trust a thing you said right now. Not after this. Not when you know.” 

“Know what?” you question. 

“How I feel! About you. And me.” The blurred edges start to come into focus. He’s been acting like a man scorned, because in his eyes he is one. 

Unable to form any coherent thought, you repeat yourself from earlier. “Are you joking?”

He’s less angry now, slipping further into the hurt brewing under the surface. “It’s always been us. Since we were kids. And now you’re messing around with some guy on another team. I can't believe you!”

The tears start to pool at your waterline, but you’re too stubborn to let them fall. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that? You string me along for years and years and years, expecting me to play the part of your girlfriend without being your girlfriend and to wait around for you to figure it out. I am sorry you found out like this, but I’m not sorry about him. I’m not sorry about Brayden.”

He flinches at the sound of Brayden’s name, the anger clouding his eyes even further. “You want him so bad, why don’t you go to him right now?”

“Nate—“ You’re not sure he knows what he’s saying, what the implications of all he’s said really are. What it would mean if you left for Calgary this afternoon. What it would be like if you weren’t there tomorrow to join in his celebrations.

“Go.” When you don’t move he speaks again. “Get out of here.”

He hasn’t raised his fists or even his voice, but you do as he suggests. Calmly, begging the tears not to fall, you walk right out of his house and get in your car and you drive. 

Brayden picks up when you call while driving, and there’s a ticket in your inbox before you’ve even made it home. 

A short layover in Toronto—and with nothing but the clothes on your back and a small carry- on—later, you’re sinking into Brayden’s arms. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, but you shake your head where it’s buried in his chest. 

“Thank you,” you say, leaving hundreds of words unspoken in your gratitude. 

The kiss he pressed to your lips and the way he says ‘Anything for you’ tells you that he understands. 

He’s got his own place in an affluent suburb of the city, and you’re grateful for the fact that you won’t have to see anyone else with your puffy, bloodshot eyes. 

The last time you’d cried this hard, it had been over the loss of your childhood dog. Nate had been there then, flying in after a late game to hold you while you cried. Maybe you had misunderstood his feelings for you, missed the signs he thought he had laid out so clearly. Maybe that would have mattered a year ago. 

It doesn’t, now. 

Not when Brayden’s arms feel like home. His warm gaze feels like the sun. His kiss and his touch feel like heaven on earth. His love feels like everything you’ve ever wanted. 

Your world nearly stopped in Nate’s living room, but it resumed spinning here in Brayden’s bedroom. 

You’re curled up on his chest while he soothingly runs a hand along your spine when you tell him. “I love you.”

His hand stills on the middle of your back, but you don’t panic. Your mind and heart are clear and in unison. He doesn’t make you wait long, cupping the back of your head and tilting your head back ever so slightly so that your eyes meet. 

“Yeah?” he asks like maybe he needs the validation. 

“Yeah,” you reply, giving it to him. 

The grin on his face might be worth everything you’ve been through. 

You squeal as he flips the both of you, ending in a position where his arms bracket either side of your head in order to keep from crushing you with his full weight. 

“I love you,” he repeats, kissing every inch of your exposed skin. 

Tangling your fingertips in the hair at the nape of his neck, you say it again and again and again. It’s a chant and a ritual, told between sighs and moans and whimpers. He strips you of your clothes, taking you apart piece by piece and then putting them all back together. 

It is intimate and sweet as he takes you to the highest peak, hearts and limbs and minds all intertwined. There is no doubt, no insecurity, no hesitation. All of the love you have to give is reflected back at you. You and Brayden are two sides of the same coin, destiny and fate and all the good forces in the world have brought the two of you together. 

That’s why when, in the dark of his room later, you say yes when he asks you to move in. 

-

Despite the apparent suddenness, your family is more than supportive of you and Brayden. Though that may be because he charmed the pants off all of them the following week when returning to your childhood bedroom to pack your things. 

Your niece is delighted when she learns that Brayden’s “job is hockey!” as she so sweetly declares, requesting he win her a Cup too. 

It reminds you of Nate and how you haven’t heard from him. You don’t reach out either. 

Your time in Calgary is short, punctuated by the bittersweet news that although many of your credits will transfer over, you’re not able to start college classes at the University of Tampa until the second semester. 

“Now you can come with me on all my road games,” Brayden says when you tell him. 

“Fat chance.”

Training camp sneaks up on you both and before you know it, you’re making the permanent move into Brayden’s bedroom and his life, publicly this time. 

The Tampa WAGs are sweet and welcoming, but you find yourself missing the Colorado Better Halves. That’s probably why you agree to dinner with Heidy the first time in the season that the Avs are in town. 

You make plans to meet at a cute spot downtown near the arena. 

The minute you spot Nate waiting outside, you start to turn around. Not so much as an Instagram like since the day before his day with the Cup and now he’s at one of your favorite restaurants in Tampa like everything is okay?

“Wait,” he says and for some reason you do, pausing mid turn. “I’m sorry.”

That’s enough to have you turning back around to look him in the eye as you scold him. “Really? I haven’t heard a word from you in months and that’s what you have to say?”

“I know,” he says. 

“You were really shitty Nate! You knew how I felt and apparently felt the same way, but you just took advantage of me and my feelings for you for years! And then, you made me feel like trash for falling for someone else.”

“I know,” he says again. 

“Can you say literally anything other than I know?” you say exasperatedly. 

“I—“ he starts and stops with the look you give him. “I don’t have a good explanation for the first bit. You’re right, I’ve been taking you for granted for a long time. I don’t know, I guess I was just scared to lose you if we ever crossed that line.”

“I get that,” you reply. “Why do you think I never said anything either? I’m less mad about that and more mad about you being a giant asshole about me meeting someone.”

He nods. “I know. I was jealous and hurt and I lashed out and hurt you too. I never meant for it to get like this, but the longer it took for me to reach out and apologize the harder it seemed. I am really sorry, and I’m happy you found someone who treats you the way you deserve.”

It’s a sincere apology and one you’re certain he means. Beyond that, you just miss your best friend and so you throw yourself at him in a big hug. He’s startled, but very quickly wraps his arms around you too. 

“Things aren’t magically okay, you really hurt me, but you’re my best friend and I’ve missed you so much. There’s been a million times where something happened and I wanted to tell you about it, but couldn’t.”

“You’re my best friend,” he says. 

Nate scores a goal during the second period of the game but it’s not enough for the Avalanche. 

Brayden comes home the clear winner to find you curled up in his bed. First he undresses and then he slips into bed beside you. 

“Glad you made up with Nate,” he says, tucking his head into the crook of your neck and wrapping an arm around your waist. 

“Glad you won,” you reply, feeling the way his lips curve in a smile against your neck and knowing he’s about to say something stupid and cringe. 

“In more ways than one, baby,” he laughs, caging you in with his arm as you struggle to get away from him and his bad jokes. “In more ways than one.”

Despite the way you playfully try to escape his clutches, the truth is you feel like you’re the real winner. 

[aihoshiino]

Man onk is getting so messy and out of place. Movie arc really dissapointed me because it was suppose to be about Ai and I am not even sure if they potrayed the real Ai or not. After Nino-Ai thing it feels as if Ruby doesn't understand Ai. I want more chapters like 137 where we are shown about Ai. It is not only about Ai but other characters too. Also can we please have some Aqua in limelight again?

I'm sorry that this took so long for me to reply but the me from the future hopes you enjoyed OnK 150 very much <3 Aqua, we missed you…!!!

I definitely feel the same way vis-a-vis the Movie Arc, though. It's frustrating, because the bits we did get of Ai were absolutely fantastic - anyone who was just, like, in my general vicinity in the weeks surrounding 131, 136 and 137 knows how completely feral I went for those chapters and how great it was to see the way I'd been reading Ai be validated by the text in such explicit and undeniable terms. But since then, it just kind of… flopped. I can understand zooming us past the parts of the story we already saw in the prologue arc but like… hello??? The rest of the HKAI relationship?? The breakup??? Ai telling Saitou she was pregnant???? AI REALIZING SHE WAS PREGNANT???? There's sooooo much potential in showing us these parts of her story but it starts turning into the Kamiki movie so hard and then wasting time on shit that doesn't matter (melt i love you but you did Not need a whole chapter that went nowhere to yourself) that it's hard not to feel like she got majorly shafted.

I think I said this in one of my recent chapter reviews, but it really feels like Ai is being treated as narratively 'resolved', so to speak, since 137 - like her posthumous character arc is done and doesn't need any further elaboration.This also comes in tandem with weird shit like Ai's role in the twins' lives being massively downplayed/retconned in favor of centering the GRSR dynamic and as someone who honestly probably would not still be reading this series if I didn't care about Ai so deeply, it really bums me out.

[vikersund]

Hi! I hope this post won't flop </3

first of all I wanted to finally reveal myself on this platform - many of you know me as Himbeertee_ on tiktok and twitter, Hello! Yes, I'm also here :P

I felt like last few days were like a fever dream - so I decided to write a summary/recap of my journey to Stozice.

It was not my first Joker Out show, last month I was in Żalec and both times I traveled by train and bus, so if anyone wonders how to get to Slovenia from Poland - the cheapest way is by Flixbus, but the fastest is by plane. I spent 5 hours in train and 11 hours in bus and it was only one way ride.

Me and my friend arrived at the arena around 4pm and we were 24/25 in the queue and we ended up at barricade in front of Kris, thanks to long catwalk and very long barricade. (I wanted to be at Kris' side, because duuuh i'm a Kris girlie).

If it comes to new merch - there were new winter beanies, new shirts, hoodies, socks, UM and Demoni CD's, condoms, new notebook (juhuhu hahaha), new tote bags and if you ask me... well.. those shirts didn't look good at least for me, but the rest of it was fine. I bought baby boos socks, because (to the unpopular opinion) I love the name xD

If it comes to the show alone, I will try to describe few songs. As you might have seen on twitter I managed to get the setlist (which was leaked at least day before - and unfortunately i saw some of it so I didnt experience the surprise).

The live-from-backstage intro was so cool, like I had chills, the screen was turning from the backstage to black screen or to joker out sign with the music that made your heart beat to it, it definitely built an atmosphere, we saw Jo getting ready to rock the stage, Kris leading the 5 of them to the stage from backstage, then they finally came from behind drums, which was such a cool entrance!

First song was Sunny Side of London - and now I understand that they picked it as an opener because of the "welcome" at the beginning, but when I first heard it i was kinda sceptical why is this the first song. People from the brass band joined them for the iconic balcan solo (dare I say - Kris outwhored himself during the solo).

Then we screamed for the record and we beat it, but honestly I think that the result should be higher, but because it was such an open space, the device didnt gather the sound as good as in smaller venues.

Then gola and bele sanje - honestly don't remember much of it because I was enjoying myself, maybe a little too much, but the guitar transition from bele sanje to plastika was sooooo good.

Plastika oh plastika! This song is made for concerts, everyone were screaming their lungs off and Bojan was everywhere, including the cat walk.

Proti toku - what can I say other than justice for Proti Toku! Like i dont understand why they abandoned this song at the shows...

As you already know I was at Kris' side and I had the best view on him, let me tell you. This man didn't hold back during dopamin, his moves were electric and there should be another twitter account "Kris shuffles to:"

Padam - Bojan sang the song laying on the catwalk for the entire length of the song and for a moment I was so confused where he went, because I didn't see him at first.

Then after Padam we had a small break, that included screenings of pre-eurovision clips from their vlogs and during that everyone was lying on the stage (not sure about Jure tho).

Then demoni happened and the Iconic scream was... well... demonic xD Bojan ended up almost on all fours in front of 12k audience. You're welcome or something.

Katrina - is another song which was made to being played on stage. I loved the red and white lights especially, bojan was very slutty and we were introduced to releasing fumes from the pyro stuff (not real pyro or fire on their show in Stozice).

ASTP - AMAZING intro played by a dude with trumpet, I had chills, Bojan was sitting on his knees on the stage, listening to it. I'll try to upload it to tiktok later! It is one of my fav songs. Great vocals from Bojan and Kris, the second one was very slutty af during the song (who is surprised at this point?). No Janace ending, Jan ended the song playing at the end of catwalk, nice moment between Nace and Bojan.

Omamljeno Telo - well this is the only JO song that I am not that much a fan of, but they definitely delivered their perfomance, especially when everyone went to the catwalk. We had Kris/Nace moment during the song.

Kot Srce Ki Kri Poganja - will you banish me If I tell you that I have never heard any of their unreleased songs?

Anyway I LOVED THIS SONG, can they release it on new album please? I already knew that Martin will join them because I saw pics from backstage before the show, but I was surprised to see Matic there. This songs slaps and I fell in love with the vibe martin gave while playing the bass. I couldnt stop staring at him, he was magnetic and so happy to play with others. I might cry a little when Nace gave him his bass. I loved how everyone was hugging each other before and after the song. Such a heartwarming moment, even if Martin doesnt play anymore, you could definitely see that he is still part of the family <3

Metulji - amazing perfomance, again they delivered, love the song, also amazing Jan solo at the end of the song, kinda improvised i think? At least I have never heard those sounds before.

Vse Kar Vem - well, you know who I was focused on xD I guess I have a new Vse Kar Vem iconic video for you xD

NGVOT - before the song I was wondering if they will do Tavastia 2.0 with ngvot and the scream i I let out when I saw that Bojan was far from the mic, far enough to be late to start singing the song if he had to, and then I turned to look at Kris and I already knew. This is all I've been asking for. I'm so glad that Kris is more comfortable to sing the first verse, his voice was more relaxed, less shaky than in Tavastia, I loved the way he sang "ti pa barvo las" the way Bojan does. But I still think he has to work a little bit on his voice, because I know he CAN sing (from other videos). I wonder if they will leave this song as a duet for other shows in the future or If it was like one-time thing.

Vem Da Gres - all I remember was Nace on our side and how handsome he looked. I'm not a Nace girlie, but I can definitely see why others are, and his new hair and the outfit... asdfgrew

Ne Bi Smel - this time Jan joined our side and he had a nice moment with Bojan

Ona - Another time when men from brass band joined and it was the song which had changed arrangement. I loved it. the whole vibe of the song stayed the same, but the brass instruments elevated it. (If i think about any fuck ups during the show - it happened here - the mic of the Saxophone guy didnt work at first, I've heard him from the front row, but idk if people in the back have heard him). During this song they also showed me and my friend on the screen and i cant stop thinking about how the hell it happened xD Now i am immortal in joker out stozice lore xD

Tokio - honestly don't remember what was happening - probably I was just screaming and singing.

Umazane Misli - i loved it. I LOVED IT. The way Bojan was demanding the audience who and when should they sing, and then he came down to us and let 2 people sing, and he received the THREE KAKSI ANANAS LONKERO shirt and he loved it so much, he was so smiley and took this shirt with him on the stage.

Novi val - I almost cried. This is my fav song, and thanks to Joker Out Subs and Spela the project came true, the coloful lights flashed beautifully above boy's heads. We and them were touched and it was such a special moment. At the beginning of Novi Val Jure came to our side and we could see his outfit from the closer proximity, and dare I say it was second best after Kris'.

Last but not least - Carpe Diem. After novi val they left the stage, but everyone knew it wasnt over. The break was too long and It just clicked in my head that what if they are changing into their Eurovision clothes. AND THEY DID. I just predicted it seconds before it happened. It was unreal - like i just travelled back in time 5 months.

Overall it was the best night of my life. Everything was perfect. The lights were amazing. The stage was amazing. Clothes - god, the amount of details on each outfit! Personally I think Kris and Jure had the best outfits. I couldnt really see Jan and Nace outfit details, but the looked GOOD. But if I have to complain - not a fan of detachable sleeves on Bojan's shirt.

They all delivered their performances. Not a single mistake - i am so impressed because thats a skill.

We all agree that Kris outdid himself that night. The way he moved, the way he sang, the way he was SO CONFIDENT. Like he was born to be in that exact moment.

I also loved every single interaction between boys, the group ones, or the doubles. Maybe there was no Jan and Nace astp ending but they had few moments. It was so nice to see Jan and Bojan jamming together, Kris and Nace doing their thing, Bojan and Kris' little shenanigans and even Jure and Jan had their moment when Jan ran to him at the beginning of the show.

I also love how they had movie-like credits. Everyone from their crew was credited, every person who worked on the show, team of photographers etc.

Other thing was how nice it was to being supplied with water all the time. The people behind barricade were giving us cups with water all the time, and even at the end of the show we got whole bottles.

Please don't take this post as a proper review - these are just my thoughts of the show <3

[nieded]

Hi! Not an ask, more like a confession. I just really felt compelled to tell you that #RainbowRoad is the absolute best fan-created work i’ve ever engaged with, and i’ve been a fan of many things! You are an amazing storyteller.

I also felt compelled to reach out because my friends & family are perplexed. I am perplexed. Primarily because:

1. I started watching DTS. Excellent. Normal for me to try on a new Netflix show….mostly. But is it really? Sports? Me?

2. I casually check out streaming options for the real deal, because you know, i’m curious, and oh! Would you look at that…it’s almost the end of fall break….

3. I subscribe and what’s this….I am absorbing F1. Like i’ve been starved for a sport to enjoy my whole life. Replays. Free practice. Fuckin Tech Talk.

4. Suddenly, I’ve watched 3 seasons of DTS and a disturbing amount of F1 content and it’s COTA Sunday and i’m on the couch, surrounded by snacks, insisting that we have to watch the WHOLE qualifying session not just the highlights because we need to get a feel for everyone’s headspace going into the race.

5. Post-COTA; We have decided Sainz is our driver to watch. I’m also really intrigued by McLaren rn someone pls help. We’re shouting as we watch live as Ferrari pulls a 1-2 and wow. When’s the next race?

6. Mexico City. MEXICO CITY. Sainz has been our man now for 10 days and forever. I suppose i’ll have to dedicate myself to Williams next season but I feel conflicted about that and WHY do I have an OPINION on that already. Who am I? Also can I watch the whole race again just tuned into Russel’s radio? Did he really ask mid-race for tea on Verstappen’s timeout? You don’t have to answer either of those questions i’m probably going look that up as soon as I finish writing you this manic soliloquy.

I’m not saying that you’re to blame for this complex crisis of identity happening over here, i’m really not. I just….I know the difference by now when i’m transfixed by something that’ll surely pass and…well…when I find something that compels me to sit tight & take hold.

On second thought, yeah. From one internet stranger to another, this is your fault.

And i’m enjoying every second of it. ♥️🏎️♥️

P.S. If there is going to be another #rainbowroad story I will be more excited about that than I am about GO3. This summer has been hard and engaging with your work has made it so much less so. Thank you ♥️🏎️♥️

hello! thank you sooooo much. i'm excited that you've gotten so into f1.

couple of things:

1 - i love carlos. he is my favorite himbo. he is so dumb sometimes. all that boy knows how to do is drive but damn does he drive well! i have felt for a long time that he's a sleeper agent. he just goes under the radar. you should look up the circumstances of his first few podiums. some of his biggest achievements have been afterthoughts, sidelined by other drama in f1. for example, when he did all those crazy overtakes during the sprint race and ended up in p2, nobody was talking about it at all! drove me nuts. it is such a sainz thing to be winning races and still losing his seat at ferrari.

2 - williams is worth being a fan of. they are one of the most historic teams and are wccs! i know that's strange to think if you're coming into the sport now, but there are many, many reasons to love williams. the other cool thing about the team is their principal, james vowles, was part of brawn gp. since you're diving into dts, i highly recommend watching brawn gp on amazon prime. you will also develop a love for jensen button.

also, i'm sorry your summer has been hard, and i am glad i could shine some light for you. my summer also was rough, and i still feel like i am recovering. i do have a story in the pipeline. it's still very much in its early development so i don't know if i will write it, but it does exist in my head!

[loveefulll]

Hit Me With Your Killshot, Baby

Ghostface x Fem!Reader (MDNI)

   TW: Dub-Con, Choking, Slight Knife Play, Orgasm Denial

The way this started isn't a very believable story. If I told you, you'd probably think I'm crazy. The whole thing made ME crazy. The good kind of crazy, you know? Ghostface may not be the ideal guy to hook up with, ESPECIALLY if he just tried to kill me, BUT HEAR ME OUT!

It was a normal Friday night, watching a horror movie by myself and getting drunk with any alcohol I found laying around the house. I couldn't really go out with a serial killer running around the streets. School was shut down and we couldn't do anything but stay inside and hope he doesn't get to us. It was a bit lonely in the house by myself, but it didn't upset me that much.

My legs sprawled out on the couch and my head laid against a pillow. All of a sudden, the telephone on the kitchen counter started to ring. *ring ring*

I found it odd that someone was calling the telephone and not the phone, but went to pick it up anyway.

"Hello?" I spoke, waiting for a reply. It only took a few seconds for me to hear a voice start speaking on the other line.

"Hello there." An unfamiliar voice said in an eerie tone.

"Who is this?" I asked skeptically. They didn't sound like anyone I recognized. "I think you may have the wrong number. Goodbye." I hang up the phone, only for it to ring moments later. After rolling my eyes, I picked it up once again. "What?" I asked in an irritated tone.

"Don't hang up on me just yet. I just want to talk to you." The man on the other line said in a somewhat eerie tone.

"What could you possibly want to talk about?" At this point, he was starting to piss me off.

"Don't try showing attitude to me now, doll." This guy kept seeming sketchier by the moment."I can see you from here. You look sooooo pretty." After hearing that, I frantically looked around. "Hahah. You look so cute." The phone rang, signaling that the other line hung up.

My heart rate sped up. Suddenly, I hear a voice behind me. "Found you." I went to turn around, but was pushed against the counter before I could do so. In front of me was a tall figure with a white ghost mask. He had both his hands next to my sides, trapping me between him. I spotted a knife in one of his hands and began to panic.

"Don't worry, doll. I'm not gonna hurt you." He spoke slowly, dragging the knife lightly against my arm. The fact that THE Ghostface was in front of me wasn't making it any better. He lifted his mask a bit and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes widened in shock. I felt hands grab my thighs and lift me up, onto the counter.

Everything happened so fast. Before I know it, his lips make its way to my neck. I let out a moan as he started to bite on my neck, most likely leaving marks. He let out a chuckle and started to remove my shirt. I don't know why I didn't push him away. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't completely sober. Maybe it was the fact that I liked it.

    He placed his lips back against mine and proceeded to slip off my skirt along with my panties. Soon after, he unclipped my bra and threw it on the ground. I gasped as he inserted a gloved finger in my pussy. I hear him chuckle as he started sucking on my collarbone. I then let out soft whimpers as he inserted another finger and moved them in and out.

"Are you enjoying this?" He asked with an amused tone. I could only nod my head as a response. "Of course you are." He smirked. He took out his fingers and sucked on them, proceeding to lower his head afterwards. I let out a surprised moan as his tongue came into contact with my clit. Keeping in my moans wasn't something I could do as he ate me out. He brought his fingers up to stimulate my clit, making my legs shake even more than they were already.

    "Fuckk I'm gonna-" I was cut off.

    "Shush. You don't get to cum yet." His voice was stern and demanding. "You only get to cum when I tell you to." He then lifted his head back up and started to take off his cloak and unzip his pants, pulling them down along with his boxers. I took a moment to take in his image. His muscles and his lengthy, flush cock.

    Soon enough, he aligned with my entrance, ready to push in. I let out a loud moan as he lifted my leg and pushed all of his length inside me. My eyes rolled back as his other hand wrapped around my neck, choking me slightly.

    "You like that, don't you my little slut? You like daddy's hands wrapping around your throat choking you like this? It must feel soo good with my cock rearranging your insides like this." My moans got louder as he sped up his pace.

    "Please- Oh fuck. Please let me cum already!" Tears started to stream down my face from the pleasure.

    "Not yet. Just a bit longer, baby." He grunted as he went faster. I could feel his cock twitching inside me. "You want my cum inside you, baby? Hm? You want me to fill you up? Want daddy to make you so full that you can't sleep without dreaming of my cum in your tight fucking hole?" I could only whimper and nod as a response. To that, he laughed cockily.

   "Now you can cum baby. Cum on my cock. C'mon." Hearing that I finally came, releasing on his cock. Not too long after, he released inside of me, filling me up. We both panted, coming down from our high. Cum started to leak out from inside me, and he fucked it back into me.

   "Hah. Looks like I'll have to come break into your house more often, huh?" I laughed as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

   "Maybe you should come through my bedroom window next time."

[softhairedhotch]

no, thank YOUUUU <3333 and it's okay HEHE remember to take it easy!!! 🫶 i can tell u for sure i will be here ready to absorb and consume n love anything that u create <3333 ive already read ur new fic Too Many Times . it struck sooo many chords like . I WOULD REALLY DO ALL THAT 😭😭 n ya fr there's too many good ideas out there to explore n there's only so much you can do at One moment. i personally have this long standing problem of starting sooo many things that i cannot finish bc i'm a master procastinator... so the only way i function is with looming deadlines ☠️ wish i was getting paid to just sit down n think about aaron bc man... i'd be a millionaire by now 🗿

TEHEEHHEE OMGGG PLEASEEE PHONE SEX . another big weakness of mine . idk how many times ive said smth is my weakness BUT like there's just some tropes that NEVER GETS OLD ... also sometimes i focus so much on aaron n how he makes you feel that i don't think about how HE would be so affected by everything about you GOSSHHHHHH please . like you're captivated by him but he's literally also soooo smitten and down bad for you to that he has to fight his urges to just give into anything that u want 😭😭 but unfortunately he can't always magically teleport to wherever you are so he just talks you through it and gives you such clear instructions BRRRR IMAGINE IF HE USES HIS WORK VOICE BC HE WANTS YOU TO LISTEN TO HIM EXACTLY STEP BY STEP . like my god i can't believe how i can giggle n kick my feet whenever cm has a scene of aaron giving instructions n delegating work to the team... like it's just so hot . n when he shows off his intelligence WOWOWWEEWW major turn on . n wooooof.

AND??!?$$;&; him sending pictures of himself 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ also i love the idea of aaron being away from u but being soo pent up that he takes the initiative to surprise you with a special video of him jerking off or using a toy <333 and u BET he knows to send it with sound so you can hear all the sounds he's making <333 bc what is nut videos without SOUND 😤😤😤

omg.. i luv daddy kinks BRRRR n sometimes it just especially HITS SO HARD . like omfg got me actively looking for those daddy asmr porn audios 😭😭😭😵‍💫😵‍💫 sometimes it takes awhile to find a good one but when i strike gold... Wow . GODDD i know aaron would say such filthy things that are downright insulting n degrading... BUT HE DOES IT IN THE SOFT AFFECTIONATE VOICE sparkled with some praises... AGRGRHRHHH .

omg REALLLL he's SOOO the type to make you say what you want directly in words. he isn't going to budge if you're just whining n hoping he'd take the hint bc he himself also loves to hear such filthy things come out of your mouth <3333 "you know daddy really loves to give you whatever you want... but not if you don't use your words. come on, does your pretty little mouth only function as daddy's cocksleeve?" HARGRHRHEHEJE i am Dead . n STOPPPP ENCOURAGING MEEEE ure gna make the can of worms EXPLODE ABOUT ALL THE FILTHY THOUGHTS ABT AARON'S CUM PLSSSS (not actually complaining ! i am Egged)

also omg... TEEHEE... i will tell u more abt my lovely male oc soon!!!! omfg im SO EXCITED . bc i literally have never talked about it to anyone even though i've thought abt it in such detail LMFAOOOO its just hard out there to find someone who shares the same brain ... damn 😭 i'm really glad i happened to stumble across ur page n decided to send an ask <333 bc i rly enjoy talking to u too!!!!! <3

-🤲

you're so sweet bless <3 hehe i'm glad you liked my new fic!! and YEAH I GETCHA omg that used to be me, like i couldn't do stuff without deadlines, AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN DO THINGS WITH DEADLINES LMAO. sometimes i can, but if i set it myself then you best believe it ain't getting done. i procrastinate sooooo much it's painful. like i could sit here and write for most of the day because rn i currently do NOTHING ELSE in my life (rip, i'm working on it lol) but do i??? no!! i mean that's just a lot of effort innit lol, writing constantly sounds exhausting even tho it's all i wanna do

phone sex my beloved <3 and awwww yeahhh he'd be sooo so so in love with you and he'd wanna do anything and everything you ask :') but GOD YEAH him using his work voice?? all stern and professional and demanding?? goddd i need that so bad. and YESSS when he shows of his intelligence it's soooo hot, like that one scene where he does the maths and penelope goes "is this reid?" and he goes "what, you impressed?" YES I AM BABE I LOVE YOU SM

i loooooove the idea of his sending pics <333 that's why i love looking at nsfw stuff sm bc sometimes i strike GOLDDDDD and its like the most aaron pic ever and it makes me lose my mind. once i found one that was so him i fully forgot to breathe and was blushing like mad (this one i think!). it was... a lot LMFAO. but god god GOD him sending a video of him jerking off when on a case??? i need that soooo so so much. and yes FR there needs to be sound in nut videos. once was sent one from a guy WITHOUT SOUND like babe? dude? what are you doing? where's the fun in that? i mean it was hot don't get me wrong but i was like "buddy wheres the sound at 🤨" LMAOOO

YESS I KNEW YOU WOULD BE INTO DADDY KINKS LMFAOOOO. and omg real, they're sometimes so good and for what. or any video of someone with daddy vibes,, godddddd sometimes it just HITS FR. YESS HIS VOICE WOULD BE SO SWEET AND GENLTE AND LOVING BUT ALSO DOMINATING AND THE STUFF THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH IS SOOOO FILTHY N HOT

yessssssss he'd looove to hear you say what you need. "come on, little one, let daddy know what you want, hm? i need to hear you say how much you want my cock" and "you want me to ride you, sweetheart? want daddy to ride you until you can't cum anymore? hm? let me hear you say those words, baby, i need to hear you say it."

and yayyy i'm so excited to hear about your oc!! i can't WAIT it's gonna be soooo good i just kNOW IT. i'm also really glad you stumbled across my page too <33 thanks for sending me all these asks!!!!

[le-panda-chocovore]

Hello, can I ask from this ask game :

https://www.tumblr.com/threecheersforinking/677824836625694720/anime-ask-game?source=share

For fandom : Haikyuu, BNHA, ATLA, and Jujutsu Kaisen.

Thanks 🌻

Sorry I took time but lists and ranking are difficult to me lol, and I had 4 different asks about making a TOP 5 so I kinda lost myself into it 😅

Oh my god there's so many fandoms, you're really trying to kill me damn-

Okay okay Imma try not to write to much (<- will probably fail)

HAIKYUU

Favorite Character: (I absolutely HATE that question, why do I have to choose ?!?) I'd say Bokuto Koutarou but I also have 5 others in mind lol

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: The Tokyo Stage during S2 is my fave because my favorite characters get many screentime together, we see so many different people interact, and it's so fun to enjoy matches without the stress of the competition. I get to support anyone and not feel guilty about it !! Also there's Tsukki's character development, and there's my favorite scene in the anime (the Oya Oya Oya), and they all learn and work on new techniques and it's so cool !! (<- already rambling too much)

Character I Think is Underrated: Maybe Gosshiki ? He's such a baby I love him. I believe Tendou is very much loved so not underrated. Tanaka too. I know people love him but I think he deserves so much more. That man participated in EVERY MATCH, he NEVER got replaced and he doesn't have an ultra special attack and he's not the ace but he's sooooo reliable and cool. He's a caring sempai and a good player and an amazing friend and the only straight ally in a gay world lmaooo We don't appreciate him enough.

Character I Think is Overrated: When I'm not rewatching Haikyuu I think that Hinata and Atsumu are kinda overrated because yeah they're cool but they're not the bests and their characters (I know they're different) aren't the ones I love the most and also I think they're selfish. Then when I rewatches the episode for fun I4m so invested in everything and I just cannot not love them. So, no one is overrated actually.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: HAHA I won't answer that- Alright I will but keep it short. Let's say any popular ship that involves Tsukki, Kuroo, Bokuto, Akaashi and Kenma. Yes even the polyships. Yes. Any popular ship.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: Everything. (<- only short answer I4m able to give)

BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA

Oh it's been a while since I've been in that fandom. I lost my hyperfixation 3 years ago and I don't even read the scans anymore. Let's do it anyway, maybe it'd wake some sparkle in me and I'd be able to finish my fanfictions !

Favorite Character: I used to say Present Mic or Bakugo and I'm not sure now. I think Aizawa-sensei is someone safe to say, he'd never not be in my Top 3.

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: It's been so long, I don't really know

Character I Think is Underrated: Hatsune Mei. I love her and I rarely see people talking about her (or maybe I'm not on the good side of the fandom). And Mina (I know she's loved but not enough)

Character I Think is Overrated: All Might, I don't really like him. Mineta of course, he deserves Hell.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: EraserMic. I didn't write 3 fanfics about those dumbass gay teachers to not put them here.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: The theme is good : how should we build a society where almost everyone has a superpower ? How do you regulate that ? How do you classify people as heroes, vigilantes and villains ? How do childhood trauma and socioeconomic differences, and traditional cultures play on the development of the superpower and the life of a person ?

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

This one is easier because I've already did a fan card about it!

Favorite Character: Zuko. Also Toph.

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: The Boiling Rock episodes.

Character I Think is Underrated: I don't think there's one ? I just think Avatar Kyoshi is a bit misinterpreted because the fans love exaggerating, but nothing actually bad.

Character I Think is Overrated: Jet maybe. I just feel nothing about him outside the context of him

Favorite Ship/Pairing: Zukka Nation

Something I Love About the Show/Movie : It's just perfect ? Perfect representation of everything ? It shows so many delicate subjects (people -kids- involved in war, sexism, racism, denial, terrorism, propaganda, redemption, trauma) and it's just GOOD. Zuko returns to his abusive family and makes more mistakes. Sokka looks down on women despite living years of his life surrounded by them. Katara steals something because her ego is hurt. Aang hides something to his friends because he has abandonment issues. Toph is.... Toph. And it's so well written and perfect and good.

JUJUTSU KAISEN

I've done this one too but it's still hard to me lmaooo

Favorite Character: Geto Suguru and Gojo Satoru and Choso and Itadori Yuuji and-

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: Hidden Inventory Arc. The story should have stopped here. We don't need anything more come on it's fine. Everyone's happy and it's fine (episodes 4 and 5 don't exist)

Character I Think is Underrated: Ino Takuma. Protect him.

Character I Think is Overrated: That fucking Naoya Bitch. I learned his in the TOP 20 popularity poll ??? HOW THE FUCK ??????? I literally cannot see his face, it gives me nausea. I hate him so sincerely, I don't even want to think about him.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: You know, I know, we know. The strongest. The one and only. The curse me a little at the end. They're known by many names. Satosugu, Gego, Sugusato, Goge, SaltSugar, whatever you want.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: It's literally a story about love. It is not a romance anime, but it is about love. The theme comes back so often. Suguru loved his friends and it doomed him. Satoru loved Suguru and became a teacher. Yuuta loved Rika and cursed her. Geto's family loved him. It's all about love and no one could convince me otherwise.

[dreamsandstars24]

Lawyered up - Chapter 1

Hiyooo, this is my first try at writing a fanfiction.

Well, writing it here, because in Wattpad I have 7.6k readers. Yes, this is me showing off because even though it's fanfiction, it takes a lot of work.

Sooooo, some inside into this:

It says chapter 1 because I will be posting more, obviously.

My first language is not English, so you'll have to be patient and kindly let me know if there is any mistake so I can fix it.

This is not a Hotch x Female MC. Even though I love daddy Hotch, I just never imagined him as the sexy daddy version, more like the dad-daddy version. Yeah.

I am busy like crazy with University and a job, so posts may be slow.

I really hope you enjoy this.

Anyway, enjoy.

I'm never drinking coffee again.

I'm banning coffee from my life, I will never drink it again and somebody should slap me if I ever drink coffee again. Please and thank you.

And even better, I will never drink coffee again before one of the most important final-stage interviews of my life. That should probably be something they ask at coffee shops, "Do you have any life altering things that will happen today?" and if you say yes, then you are not allowed to buy coffee.

Is not that I have something against coffee, God forbid, but I just get extremely hyper when I have coffee and based on what Professor Sukhan has said, I'm already hyper enough as it is.

So, why did I drink coffee today? Because I thought that staying up until two AM reading the longest, toe curling, smuttiest fanfiction ever was a good way to spend my time. Was it worth it? Yes it was, but that doesn't mean I don't regret it now that I'm shaking like a freaking chihuahua.

"Deep breaths, Liliana. And keep your hands under your legs." Professor Sukhan whispers softly, his eyes on his newspaper but I know he is anxious too. He is risking his professionalism creating this opportunity for me, and I really hope he doesn't regrets it.

It wasn't easy to make it, but I did it. I managed to get into the final stage of interviews in the FBI, and to be more specific, in the BAU.

I studied near death to graduate from law school, and I really really really want to get this job/internship. It took Professor Sukhan months to prove that allowing me to have an internship would be really beneficial for both the bureau and for me, sometimes I feel he sold my abilities for more of what they actually are but I know I will do my best to ensure I surpass expectations.

Hopefully.

"Liliana Madrigal." My eyes shoot up and find the blue eyed man that is staring at me. "We are ready for you." He is white.

Not that him being white is bad, is actually good, unless he is racist which would really hinder my process and my ability to maintain the facade of being a nice, obedient and sweet girl and--

"Liliana, please go and behave." Professor Sukhan mumbles bringing me out of my stupor. This is why he came, because he knew I was going to be so nervous this would be chaotic.

I clear my throat and stand up, nodding to the professor and making my way to the man who is now looking at his phone with a frown. When he realizes that I am standing right in front of him, he turns around and walks me through the doors where my future self may be walking.

I look around when the door closes behind me and barely have time to register the chaos this place is when the blue eye man mumbles "Keep up" and practically sprints down the hallway.

Swallowing down my fear, I run after him.

Freaking tall people think my little legs can keep up with them. I can barely reach the shower head and I'm expected to run after this tall guy and--

"Here. Go inside, sit down, and wait until they come."

I frown while my feet stop. "They who is-?" He ignores me, turns around and leaves.

Well, so much for being nice.

I stare at the black door and decide that they will not bring me to meet a serial killer in my last interview, I think. I hope.

Right?

"Okay Liliana, those who don't risk, don't win." I nod and take a deep breath, "You can do it. Please don't let it be a serial killer and please don't let me do anything stupid, amen." And I open the door.

A normal looking office says hello to me.

My eyes blink rapidly as a relieved laugh escapes my mouth. I don't know what I was expecting but an office that looks like the office of my psychology professor was not it. But this is good, this is nice, this is acceptable-

"Are you going inside or are you coming outside?" The deep voice behind me says and my soul goes to heaven to meet with its creator because I just died. Thank you and goodbye.

I turn around and find two men looking at me. The first man, I immediately recognized like Jason Gideon because he went to my criminology class and his lecture gave me nightmares, but the second man who is staring at me undisturbed has never been seen by my eyes. He is handsome, he is grace, he is mister United States-

"Pardon me?" I mumble because I just saw his lips move but I didn't hear a thing. He blinks.

"I asked if you are the girl I am supposed to be interviewing." He repeats calmly. His voice could narrate an audio book where he tells me how he is going to kill me in the most gruesome way and I would hundred percent say thank you.

"I certainly hope so because I was just dumped here with barely any instruction." Gideon smiles a little at that and a part of my soul rejoices because I just made Jason Gideon smile.

"What's your name?" He asks, and his voice is a soft baritone that has me feeling cozy inside.

"Liliana Madrigal, a pleasure." My hand stretches out; once again, I'm too late to realize my actions because I forgot my hands were shaking which is obvious now. Both men stare at my hand and then Gideon shakes it and lets go.

"I'm Jason Gideon and this is SSA Aaron Hotchner, we are on the behavioral analysis unit and we will be directing your interview." I nod and nod again and both stare at me. Agent Gideon gives me another soft smile. "We should go in the office."

"Oh! Of course, come in. Make yourself at home." I step to the side allowing them both to come in and then I notice the name at the door.

Aaron Hotchner. I just gave him permission to go into his own office. Amazing.

"Miss Madrigal, will you come in and close the door behind you please?" Agent Hotchner asks. I follow the orders and then walk to the chair in front of his desk. He is sitting on the chair while Gideon leans on the wall beside the window.

My hands fidget on my lap and then I remember how I'm supposed to keep them under my legs and take a deep breath. I do that and count to ten while the men look at what I'm assuming is my file.

"Miss Madrigal, your file says that you graduated at fourteen from high school." Agent Hotchner mumbles, scanning the page with his eyes.

"Yes, sir." He looks at me and the way his eyes are so dark make me very nervous.

"Is there any reason as to why that happened? Because your IQ is slightly elevated but not that much." I nod and then consider what to say.

They may notice the confusion on my face because Gideon speaks. "Just tell us the truth without sugar coating it."

Well, if he says so.

"I was bored, sir." They both stare at me.

"Bored?" Agent Hotchner repeats, I nod again. "Could you elaborate?"

I take a deep breath. "I didn't want to spend more time in school than necessary so I forced myself to graduate faster to study what I really wanted to study."

"Which was criminal law," Gideon says, my head shakes.

"No sir, I wanted to become a taxidermist." Both men stare at me and I can tell I managed to surprise them.

"Why didn't you then?" Agent Hotchner asks.

I shrug, "My mother said that if I became a taxidermist, I would sleep with the carcasses and see how that suited me." With secret joy, I notice how the corner of agent Hotchner's mouth twitches upwards.

I MADE HIM SMILE!

"So you didn't become a taxidermist, and decided to study law, correct?"

"With some little disruption to my plans, but yes sir." Agent Hotchner moves his hand in a rolling motion and I understand he is asking me to expand. "After the fiasco with taxidermy, I decided to explore my passions in the business world."

"You studied business, then?" Gideon mumbles, reading through my file.

"No, sir. I became a runner for a local gang in my neighbourhood." I think I actually managed to surprise them this time.

Both look at my file, their silence making me more nervous. Did I just messed up? Did a hot nice cup of coffee messed up the opportunity of a lifetime? Did I just ended my career choice?

"Why not a courthouse? You could have made a fine prosecutor with your grades and the success of your practicum." Gideon points out, I shake my head no.

"I thought about it and did two weeks as an assistant for a prosecutor and I am positive about not choosing prosecution."

"What about defense? You could have been good at that."

"I'm not fond of lying."

"So why the FBI? In this job, you need to keep a lot of secrets and maintain a low profile." I press my lips together considering what I have to say.

Two choices in here: Either lick their boots or be honest.

"As I was looking for career choices, I realized that the BAU gets sued continuously over every procedure that they endure-"

"How did you got that information?" Agent Hotchner asks, serious.

"One of my teachers worked as a legal advisor and one of the people that came to her was a lawyer who was helping someone sue the BAU for incorrect management of a case. Anyway, I kept my ears open and realized that this team is the one that gets sued the most and that caught my attention so I started researching why and I reached a conclusion," My hands intertwine as I smile at them. "And the conclusion was that in order for this team to be getting sued so often, then it may be doing something right."

Agent Hotchner closes my file and leans back in his chair, the look of calm suits him and then he turns to Gideon and a whole conversation takes place without them even talking. This is crazy.

While they have their strange staring contest, I think about the possibility of accepting the CIA offer. It came as a surprise, to be honest, but the terms are good; professor Sukhan would be a little dissapointed because the original plan has alway been the FBI but I don't think he'll mind that much.

I mean, is either CIA or going back to being a Runner and I think which option is better for my criminal record.

"You start on Monday." Agent Hotchner speaks and I nod.

"What time?"

"I need you here at five AM. We'll go over some information and I'll show you your office, if we have the time, I'll introduce you to the team." I nod and get up when he does. His hand stretches towards me and I shake it firmly. "Welcome to the team." I smile at him and then turn to Gideon, we shake hands and I take a deep breath because my hand is shaking more now.

"Welcome, Agent Madrigal." He murmurs warmly, I nod at him.

"Thank you, I will do my best." I walk to the door with them behind me and I know they are walking me to where professor Sukhan is. When we reach the door, I turn to them and smile. "Thank you, again." They both nod and I cross the doors, noticing how professor Sukhan stands up and stares at me.

We both stare at each other and he smiles when tears pool in my eyes.

"You did it." He mumbles coming closer.

"I start on Monday at five AM." He laughs, wrapping me in his arms which makes me sob.

"Are you crying?" He laughs, rocking me back and forth.

"I just don't want to wake up at five AM every morning." I sob in his shoulder. He laughs and pulls me closer.

"You did it," He whispers, patting my head. "I knew you would."

***

Hotch felt himself smile when he realized how the girl he had just hired was crying while holding the Hindi man. He wasn't sure what the relationship was, but he knew that the man had sold the girl at such a high price it tempted the bureau to meet her in person. And he wasn't disappointed.

Even though her psych results tilted her towards OCD regarding her job, and her getting obsessed in some cases, her results were so good he had to double-check every case she had participated in because she was practically a genius when giving criminal charges.

Eighteen charges, she had given eighteen charges to a child abuser and Hotch had been so surprised because he hadn't even thought about those charges. She was a genius, and she was merciless in court. That's why seeing the clumsy girl surprised him because she showed a completely different side of herself.

"Seems like we got another girl to babysit." Morgan rumbled beside him, slurping his coffee while staring at the girl with a smirk. Hotch hummed agreeing. "You think she'll give us a run for our money?"

"She is smart," Gideon mumbled, "she'll be okay."

With a smile, Hotch saw how the girl now had the man in a choke hold while she jumped excited. It was adorable.

"She'll fit right in." He whispered softly.

[galvanizedfriend]

I already left a massive paragraph on ao3 about how I feel about that last chapter but I thought I’d come on here and do the same.

I feel as if I’m running out of words on how enchanting, mind blowing and damn right beautiful this story is (even with the amount of angst and crying I’ve done on this series 😂) this series is one rare gem in a sea of rocks. Where everything just comes together, where nothing feels forced. While I know that this series is just a rewritten version of ‘The Originals’ the way you have given this series life, given it more depth is just mind blowing to me. Without even going into klaroline and how that is just in a field of its own the way you have given Klaus, Elijah, Marcel and even Camille more character, more growth is just… beautiful to read.

I can’t talk about klaroline without getting sappy over how you’ve written them. They are soulmates and deserve their happy ending together. Their love is just written beautifully in this series. I literally hear their voices through your writing because you’ve done such an excellent job in keeping the core of who they were from the show and bringing it into your own world!

I can’t count how many times I’ve re-read this series back to back because I never want to leave this universe, to leave these characters.

While I’m excited to begin this new season, to be a part of these characters lives for longer I’m also emotional over the fact that, hopefully for you 😂, we will possibly say goodbye to them before the end of this year (and I am not prepared for that)

I can’t wait to see your growth this year in your writing (don’t know how it can be any better than it already is mind you!) you should be immensely proud of this series and what you’ve accomplished.

Can’t wait to see that notification for the next chapter, be it 2 weeks, 2 months or a year! ❤️

(So sorry for the emotional spillage 😂😂😂)

(Also need the klaroline wedding asap. Please give us a wedding your honour!)

I hope you're proud of yourself, because you just made me cry 😭😭😭 Hoooow are you so nice??? I want to print this out and put it on my wall for when I'm feeling like crap and can't write. 🥹

This is so kind and so nice of you, I don't even know what to say. I don't know how to take a compliment tbh, but I'm really emotional. I've read this at least three times already. 🥹 Thank you so much for saying all that. ❤️ There have been sooooo many times throughout the years where I questioned the point of writing this, and each and every time I had someone tell me they were finally enjoying The Originals or liking characters they had previously hated, I felt a little bit more at peace ❤️

The response to this chapter has been so nice, everyone has been so lovely about it and so kind to take time to write some awesome reviews and then this. 🥲 I don't know, man, I just don't know. I don't know what I've done to deserve such awesome readers who make me feel like I'm not screaming into the void after all these years, but thank you very, very much! 🥹 Thank you so, so much for this. You have made my entire week. 😭

[dashielldeveron]

😅so. I did end up drawing some of the soulmate glimpses that were in midoriyas route and u know I had to draw the multi dimensional bf FIRST. I feel guilty after putting him through 8 routes of pining so he gets special privileges lolol( I will reread ur route soon shinsou I PROMISEEEEE💔💔💔). Talked about how he breaks my heart every time he shows up last ask so I will spare u the details on it this time. But omg (proceeds to not spare any details) .. the guilt I feel knowing he feels the EXACT . SAME . WAY . EVERY ROUTE makes his presence in the fic like the stereotypical dead wife that appears at the beginning of the movie that the main character spends the entire film trying to heal and move on so they can get with the love interest. He really is like The Boyfriend TM.

anywayyyyy. I did really like drawing him , he just comes so easily to draw for me + a great experience because I love drawing shinsou with messy hair, one of life’s many treats !! He has all that hair for a reason………………. Also wanted to practice more with a close up angle so that the more explicit details are like, merely implied lolol(started drawing bkgs and I have to leave like,, the implied imprint of legs around his head it’s HARD 💔💔💔) but hopefully it’s tastefully vague enough!

I really do love him so so much. Like anytime he appears in any route he is just. So kind. So attentive. Good lord. The man that u r soulmate troupe shinsou…..I hope you enjoy him !!! and his wet rag expression (+ the neito snippet in the corner!)

(Also will I redraw that one image I sent you of the penguins of Madagascar with bkg/reader/midoriya? Maybe? maybe……lolol )

oh he is loverboy loverboy!!! he's sooooo pathetic!!! he's sooooo dreamy!!! our boyfriend!!! our ulitimate boyfriend!!!! his hair looks soooooo soft and yankable, wow. the HAIR the BLUSH the TEARDROP the SADNESS ohhhh what a perfect little guy. gosh if someone muttered that into my neck like he does, i'd fucking explode. i wouldn't be able to proceed with the social interaction. [also lol i love that reader's back is to us, bc that lets us imagine our individual boob sizes lololol. masterful.] and yeah this is vague enough to be tasteful!!! i'd love it even if it weren't tasteful lol, but i think you achieved what you were going for!!!!! he's my favourite dead wife :)

and neito is already looking goooooood 👀👀👀 and lololol feel no pressure to redraw the meme if you don't want to!!!! but it would be really funny lol i LOVE them..... and goshhhhhh i love your art soooo much; it really makes me think about silly little details i put in in a different light, so it adds another element of fun for me :) GOSH you're so cool and talented and, again, very VERY kind. i love this so much!!! i'm never getting over it or him!!!!! thank youuuuuuuuuu!!!!! xx.

[papsiguesss]

⭐️⭐️

Thanks for the ask! (ask game post)

Okay so... star meant I got to pick myself... I thought for a while and decided I'd pick out a scene from Swap!AU since that AU is closest to my heart! <3 Going with a scene from the very first chapter, which is Lawrence dying/turning (edited some slight things for easier reading):

***

The exhausted vampire hunter struck the wooden stake with his hammer, using his last remaining strength. He was expecting the undead’s ghastly screams to fill his ears, but he would get to hear no such noises. The vampire simply looked at him as the life slowly faded from its eyes, a malicious grin on its face. Blood trickled down its chin as its corpse fell down to the ground.

(In my mind, Van Helsing never enjoys killing a vampire. I didn't put that much emphasis on it in this passage but I did try to get it across with the word choices)

As soon as he saw that he had been successful, Lawrence Van Helsing slumped down against the wall, breathing heavily as he held his hand near his throat. The pain coming from the two small puncture wounds on his neck was getting worse as each second passed. He had been too careless. He should not have let his guard down. He had been subjected to the vampire’s bite. Now, he was going to have to suffer because of his own foolishness. He felt himself starting to get dizzy as he was losing more and more blood. He had to act fast. He had to do something. If not, his soul would be damned for all eternity.

(I think this fic was mostly me whumping the everliving SHIT out of Van Helsing and honestly... yeah it already showed in the first chapter lmfao. Gotta do despicable things to that man and break his psyche.)

With trembling hands, he reached for a small flask in his suit pocket. Falling down onto his knees, he leaned against the wall, trying to use it to support himself. He pulled the cap away from the small bottle of holy water he was holding and slowly raised it up to his neck, uttering a prayer to himself. He had no idea if this was going to work, but this was his best chance.

He took a deep breath. This was it. He was going to save himself… or he was going to discover the fact that he was doomed. “My lord… I beg of you… please, save my soul”, the vampire hunter muttered as he tilted the bottle and let the last remaining drops of holy water fall down onto his skin.

As soon as it came into contact with his bite marks though, a searing pain shot through his entire body. It felt as if something had set him on fire. He let out a gruesome, inhuman wail, which echoed through the halls of the deserted castle he had found himself in. There was not a single person present to hear his horrendous screams. Maybe it was better that way. If someone had heard his shrieks, they would have been haunted by them forever.

The vampire hunter started to shake as he looked at his hands, starting to realise what had just occurred. The infection had spread too much already. His god had just forsaken him. Nothing could save him now. He was going to die here, and no one would be there to notice it. But it would not be an end for him. It would only be a beginning to a new existence. One of torment. “H-help…”, he stammered, trying to get up and walk away from the dead body next to him. “Anyone… please…”

Okay sooooo this was mostly the part I wanted to talk about!

I'm not sure how clearly it got across, but yes this is a Brides of Dracula reference! I always think scars are a really interesting thing for a character to have and I uh... may or may not have been a bit salty at the fact that Lawrence's burn scar after using his bite first aid strategy just instantly faded because HOLY WATER. Lawrence first only has the burn mark on his neck in the Swap!AU, but this scar later gets worse because someone presses a crucifix against his skin there (FUCK that guy. seriously). Pics underneath for reference. I hope that Lawrence's burn mark is clear enough on the drawing of him I made??

I also thought going with the base premise of the Brides bite scene would make sense since this is also Lawrence dealing with the consequences of getting bitten but of course in this AU he's the vampire and Dracula's the human so... it ends less fortunately for him this time.

Honestly I could rant about this AU the entire day because I have lots of blorbo thoughts about these guys but I'll keep my infodump to this for now haha unless people would like to know more ofc!

[jedidragonwarriorqueen]

Not so much a question as it is a request, but if you don’t mind, could you take us through how you write action scenes? :) love your work!

First of all, I am sooooo sorry, this has been sitting in my inbox for literal AGES :'''') Partly because of spoons, partly because I would routinely forget for long stretches of time, but mostly because I wasn't really sure how to format a helpful response '^^ Hopefully you're still in a place on your creative writing journey where this might be helpful, ehehehe

I ended up just jotting down a list of tips that I've internalized over time to help my action scenes flow, and added some examples from my own writing. These aren't hard and fast rules that I always follow, but I definitely try to stick to them a majority of the time.

(Also, thank you so much, I'm so happy you enjoy my fics!!! <3)

Know the end goal.

This seems obvious, but I mean specific end goal. Now, if you're a pantser who tends to figure this shit out as they write the scene, then you do you, boo <3 But for me, if I don't know exactly where I want my characters to be at the end of the fight, I get stuck.

Instead of just, "Soren and Rayla fight initially before realizing they're ultimately on the same side," I need "Soren steals the safe back and knocks Rayla into the stream." Instead of just, "Roy breaks free from the soldiers and gets Briggs' attention somehow" I need "Roy breaks free and makes the transport explode." Otherwise, I'm just gonna end up with Soren and Rayla looking at each other awkwardly or Roy sitting by himself in the snow, and a blinking cursor.

Have the setting well planned out.

I mean this in two ways: first, have it planned out in your head and then use it when plotting out how the action goes down. Then when actually writing, introduce the setting before the action starts, so that you're not bogged down in those details and can keep the pace up.

For example, when Callum and Rayla have a showdown with Claudia in the second chapter of and finding answers (is forgetting all of the questions we called home), before Claudia shows up the scene opens with Callum and Rayla chatting together by themselves. I sprinkled in setting details during their conversation so that by the time Claudia shows up and shit hits the fan, the readers already know that Callum and Rayla are cornered at the top of a tall hill with a steep cliff at their backs.

Use short sentences, or short clauses

I've seen it recommended that sentences in action scenes should be short and snappy, to keep the action moving and the tension up. (Though it's a good idea to include a few medium and long ones so it doesn't seem too stilted.) When I'm reading, this has the desired effect on me! However, when I'm writing, I must admit to tending toward the purple-prosy side of things and writing longggg sentences '^^ A method I've found that works for me is keeping clauses shorter even if my sentences stay long. Commas and to some extent conjunctions make my eyes pause just as much as a period does. Here's an example of what I mean from and when you can't rise (i'll crawl with you on hands and knees), with shorter clauses in red and long ones in green:

The other soldiers all gag at their next inhale, eyes flying wide, dropping their weapons in panicked instinct. Riza elbows the one on her right in the throat and grabs his gun as he doubles over in his seat, shooting first the locks on Hausner’s door and the door to her right before turning the weapon on its owner and his comrade. At that point Roy has reached past Hausner, opens the door and tackles the man out of the vehicle. He comes into a crouch, securing the colonel in a headlock, and exhales the breath he’d been holding before taking in the clean northern air. Relief floods him as his captain slides out the rear passenger door, new pistol at the ready, but it vanishes just as quickly when he reaches one-handed for his ignition gloves and they’re not there.

Most of the first half of the paragraph is red, where most of the action happens. I do have a longer clause in there for some variety. By the end of the paragraph, there's more green, but at this point there's a pause in the action as the bad guys have been momentarily dealt with, so the longer clauses can reflect the characters "taking a breath" so to speak.

Strong verbs vs. adverbs

I'm not one of those people who thinks you should never use adverbs, but if you're trying to cut down on sentence/clause length, for me adverbs are the easiest to ditch. Then, if you swap out more generic verbs for really strong, descriptive ones, it paints a more raw and vivid picture. In long live all the mountains we moved (i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you), I especially used this trick, as I was trying hard for an emotionally-charged, desperate vibe:

With a word and a gesture, a gale knocks over flattens a line of corrupted creatures from the outcrop to the edge of the plateau. A rune pops slashes into existence and a cyclone passes rips through the ranks of zombies, leaving a no-man’s land behind. Hailstones the size of eyeballs fall rain down on the humans and elves foolish or desperate enough to fight for the disgraced Startouch elf. In the distance, a black tail slashes across the sky, and with a blistering scream Domina Profundis falls plummets, angling toward the coast. The other dragons retreat, wary, and the corrupted star serpent flies twists towards the rocky outcrop . . . the serpent moves corkscrews through the sky, outpacing the surprised dragons behind. It snarls, mouth bristling with needle teeth the size of spears, smoky tendrils trailing in tainting the atmosphere in its wake.

Engage all the senses...

Stay out of the character's heads (during the heavy action).

Time passes quickly in a fight, too quickly for characters to do much thinking or registering everything that's happening. Plus, interjecting a character's train of thought tends to slow down an otherwise fast-paced paragraph, which can be a bit jarring. I like to save that until after the fight, or during a pause in the action. For example, from we took the step, oh we took the leap (and we'll take what comes):

Coming around the bend of the tunnel, the creatures behind them thundered into view . . . She leapt to meet the beasts head on, but to her dismay, her swords—easily capable of slicing through metal, stone, and bone—deflected off their hides. Duse sithspawned creatures. After taking a nasty swipe to her shoulder that sheared straight through her armor, drawing blood, Rayla backed away. “I can’t stop them,” she called back to her companions. “My beskade bounce right off their armour!” She pulled a pistol from a holster at her back and fired off several shots in quick succession, but the advancing beasts didn’t even flinch. “Haar’chak. Blaster’s no good, either.” Rayla’s thoughts raced as she tried to come up with a plan. She couldn’t win here, probably—but she could maybe hold the tuk’ata off long enough for the boys to escape—but she didn’t know if she could occupy them both at once for the boys to sneak past—

Here, while Rayla does call out a few observations that her weapons don't work (which i mostly included since this is an AU rewrite of a canon scene, and it's based on actual dialogue), she doesn't stop to think about other options until she's taken a step back from fighting for a moment. While she's actually fighting the hounds, I focused on her actions, to keep the pace up.

I hope you find some of these tips helpful, and maybe even worth the wait, ehehe. Stay well, friend!!

[blacksapphhicmaddonna]

I WOULDN’T DREAM OF IT.

Chapter 2 - Roll The Dice

Black!Carol Danvers x Maria Rambeau

Ft. Monica Rambeau

CW: slight mentions of- homophobic slurs(not written out), deciding not to report harassment in the military, one mention of a security/police officer, being drunk/partying, minor cuts/scrapes/bruises, parenting, loss of a parent, childhood trauma, regaining lost memories. also, a big part of this chapter is set in a flashback. nothing too crazy for any of this, but I just want everyone to know that these things are mentioned!

A/N: hey y'all! so, I wrote this like a book. it's long per usual, and this one's a bit angsty but nothing too serious. also sooooo sorry this is so late lmao, life comes at you hard and fast sometimes but we getting it together every day! I'll try to be quicker w/ updates🫡. much love, muahhh. thank you for reading! x ps. this isn't proof read bc I stayed up til 6:30 in the morning to finish writing it LMFAOO.💀 I'll come back at some point and proof read it, but sorry for any typos/grammar/syntax oddities as always.

Word Count: 19,078 (jump scare🫣)

Link to AO3!

title header & mood art by me⋆˙⟡♡ pls don't use/post elsewhere without asking! (lmk if y'all like it though! i'm thinking about doing stuff like this for all/most of my fics maybe)

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Taglist⋆｡ﾟ ☾ﾟ ｡⋆｡︎☁ﾟ｡⋆:

@mybonafidefeelings @maysflourish @nanajen8

also go read @mybonafidefeelings's new danbeau/carolxmaria series RIGHT NEOWWWW if you haven't already🥰

and while you're at it, go check out all the fics everyone in the taglist have written! they never disappoint!

here we gooooo, I hope you enjoy part two.💗

Once Monica finished her breakfast, she helped Carol clean up while she told her stories about her friends at school, all the inventions she'd come up with, and any other story her mind mustered up. She wanted to fill in as many blanks as possible for her other mother. Carol listened intently, taking in every moment of her daughter. She wanted to remember everything, even the things that might not seem important to other parents in different circumstances. She wanted to be able to reference these stories, prove that she remembered, that she cared enough to listen. Partly because her own parents never showed an interest, instead always finding the time to show their genuine dislike for her for whatever many reasons they had, or just disregarding her altogether. But also because Monica had always been so welcoming, so ready to receive her back like nothing had happened - or maybe like everything did happen and she still chose to hold on tight to her mother, choosing not to let the time separate them. So Carol held on tight too, wanting to prove she was reliable to the girl. She appreciated how open Monica was to her returning, but she also knew she had been gone for a long time. Longer than she should have been, she often thought. She knew that Monica was young, and might eventually change her mindset on the matter. She had every right to. It would make sense to feel some kind of way, and that scared Carol to her core. So she wanted to at least try and show up in the best way she could. Be present, be a mother - not just someone who literally drops in every now and then. She wanted to give the girl something she could hold onto, something she could trust.

Carol was always so in awe of both of the Rambeaus. Even though Maria always said that she and Monica were so much alike, she loved how much she was just like her mother too. Stubborn, but sure of herself. Interested in everything, always ready to learn and push forward - but soft, in her own way. Gentle, patient and kind. They both would go out of their way, even if it didn’t always seem like they were. She looked like her, too. Her brown eyes, her hair, the way she walked. She was just like Maria in the best ways (not that there was a bad way to be like Maria Rambeau), and also very much just herself. Just Monica, and she was the most amazing child the world had ever managed to produce. Carol was sure of it. 

When they had finished in the kitchen, Carol decided to take a shower too. The hot water should be filled up again, and she was starting to feel the leftover sweat from last night mixing with the approaching heat from the day. Monica sat on the couch and turned on some cartoons, feeling fulfilled from breakfast which made Carol feel proud of herself for a lot of reasons. Cooking was something she always struggled with because she never had anybody to teach her. Maria thinks she might just naturally be a clutz in the kitchen too, but regardless, she worked with her for years as they grew up trying to teach her how to cook, giving her the gentle instruction and patience she never had. Usually to no avail, but it was a fond memory for both of them. Carol smiled, thinking that if her success in making pancakes this morning was any indication of the kind of day she would have with her daughter, she was sure it would be a good one. She wandered back upstairs, running her hands along the walls that still had blue and purple marker stains on them in some spots. As she walked through the hallway towards her shared room, she passed Monica’s room and couldn't help but smile. The girl’s room was what anybody would expect if they’d met her. A little messy, super colorful. She had her personality everywhere. A model of the solar system she had made when she was a little younger for a school project hung from the ceiling over her bed. A stuffed animal Carol had won for her at a carnival when she was a toddler, Maria had one to match that she secretly kept hidden in the drawer next to her bed still. She had drawings on blue construction paper all over her walls, mostly of her inventions (she called them her blueprints). The one picture that was on regular white paper had the word “Family” written on it. A crayon picture of Maria and Carol, with Monica in the middle. Carol’s heart skipped a beat seeing it. She was so lucky, she thought again. She passed the door and made her way to the end of the hall with a happy stride. The day had just begun and she was already doing better than she expected. 

She stepped into the room and paused, her smile growing inward in an almost shy way. She was greeted with the scent and feel of Maria. She inhaled deeply, feeling a level of comfort roll through her body and pang in her chest. Mmm. Carol whispered to herself, almost embarrassed. But she couldn’t help it. She was everywhere. As much as they had kept Carol present in their lives, making sure she was alive and never erased from her fingerprint on the home, it had still been years since Carol had been gone so it made perfect, almost comforting sense to her that they had made it their own. They had to make it comfortable, they had to fill in the empty space. Just like Monica’s room, Maria’s was a perfect snapshot of her personality. It was well kept, everything had a place to be. If it ever did get messy, Carol was sure it didn’t last long. She looked over the room, noting the books next to the bed where Maria slept, all of them half read with bookmarks Monica had made her in them. She looked at the tray of jewelry sitting on the dresser, full of small dainty necklaces and a few pairs of stud earrings with different shapes, and a few pairs of hoops Maria would only wear if she was going out. She looked at the closet, one side open from this morning. All the clothes are organized by color, with a few boxes sitting on the top shelf. Even the bed they had slept in, it was already made perfectly to military standards with the edges tucked in perfectly - except for the top where Maria had extra pillows, all with light purple pillow cases contrasting the perfect white ones underneath.

She looked at the picture frames sitting on Maria’s perfectly organized desk as she walked over to it. On the left side was a picture of her and Monica at a park that had to be fairly recent, a picture of Maria standing outside the SWORD office smiling huge next to an older man in uniform, and a picture of Maria with her brother which must’ve been years old because Maria looked like she was in middle school maybe, making Carol reminisce about the girl she used to know. On the right side of the desk sat two pictures that didn’t face in all the way like the other two, as if they were put there intentionally but also intentionally not looked at as much. One, in a light purple frame, was Maria’s mother. Carol had never met the woman but had seen her face many times growing up in Maria’s father’s house. It was the same then, almost like the woman must have put the pictures of herself up and they didn’t have the heart to take them down, but they tried their best not to look. Next to that sat a framed picture of Carol and Maria smiling at the local bar they used to go to, their uniforms half undone and Carol’s hair out of regs with her aviators pushed back and a red bandana around her head. She remembers the bar more now, Pancho’s. She had been there with Fury and it jogged a lot of things for her, but she so badly wants to remember that day specifically. She runs her fingers close to it, but doesn’t dare to touch. She tries to remember the song they would sing together, all the lyrics. She can’t but she remembers how it felt to jump around for hours and then walk home, too drunk most times, bumping into each other and letting touches and looks linger a little too long, and then having to get up early the next day. She remembers that they would take turns walking each other to their barracks, sometimes daring to sleep in each other's rooms when they thought they might not get caught, always leaving one of them to sneak out in the morning. Carol laughs, thinking about how Maria was right last night, and how she was always better at leaving quietly than Carol.

When her eyes refocus on the photo, she can’t help but wonder how many times Maria had flipped the frame over, hiding the memory from herself. She wonders, just for a moment, if she would’ve been able to live through the grief she put her through. She would never know just how bad it was for Maria, she would never be able to see from her eyes what the woman went through or how she pulled herself out of bed every day and raised a child by herself, kept working, started SWORD. She wondered if Maria ever went back to that bar, or if she ever listened to the song again. She would never know how the woman truly felt in those years or what she did to keep herself busy, and she didn’t think she’d ever feel right asking. She wanted to think about the past few months, after everything. She wanted to think about how it must be even worse, in a way, knowing that Carol was out there saving other people while Monica grew up and Maria trudged on with no choice. She wanted to think about it but couldn’t, knowing what would happen if she let her mind attach to the thoughts and feelings. She gazed at the photo again and turned away, deciding that maybe she didn’t need to remember everything right now. 

She walked over to the box they had pulled out last night for her and started going through some clothes, looking for something to change into. She realized that while she was in space, her suit did all the work for her - she never had to worry about pulling an outfit together. It did the heating, drying, cooling, protecting her from any number of threats - all while containing her powers in a comfortable way for her. So as she sorted through her belongings, she was now also coming to the realization that it also had built in underwear. She only had two pairs of regular underwear to her name and she was wearing one of them. She frantically sifted through the big box to no avail. She questioned why she would only have two pairs of underwear, rather than all of her undergarments or none of them at all. She guessed that the Air Force had something to do with it, remembering that they had packed everything up for Maria to come pick up instead of letting her do it. She cursed them under her breath, mad that once again Maria had something taken from her, deciding that she had no option but to wear the pair of boxer briefs she had found and figure it out later. She grabbed the boxers, an old band tee shirt and a pair of jeans and headed for the bathroom. 

When she walks in the bathroom, she can hear Monica’s cartoons from the living room. 

“I’m gonna bathe myself, Lt. Trouble! Come get me if you need anything, okay?”

 She yells down. She waited to hear Monica’s response and when she didn’t she paused completely, silencing herself and the air around her, cartoons still playing. She could feel her heartbeat pick up its pace.

“Mon? Did you hear me?” 

She shouts again, a bit louder, trying not to let on to her anxiety.

“Okay Mom!”

 Monica yells back, mind focused on her shows. Carol exhaled deeply, relief flowing through her body. She chuckled at mom, gratitude buzzing through her whole body. She was still a mom to Monica and that meant more to her than she could ever explain. She added “go to therapy” on her mental to do list and started stripping.

Once all the layers were off, she chucked her socks in the pile she had made and stepped into the deep tub, pulling a purple shower cap over her hair and bending down to turn on the shower. She pulled the stop up before balancing out the water and heard the water make its way up the long pipe to the shower head slowly as she pulled the curtain closed around her. She immediately screeched, feeling freezing water run over her body. She had forgotten that Maria took cold showers in the morning to wake her up. She scrambled, trying to avoid as much of the frigid water as possible while she flipped up the hot water handle with her toes, jumping up and down, somehow not slipping. As the water began to warm and steam up, she found herself laughing. Out loud. She couldn’t stop. Captain Marvel was giggling like a child (Once again proving Maria right). She slid down and sat on her butt, pulling her knees into her chest and let the water run over her back. She eased into the warm feeling, still feeling laughter bubble up inside of her. She closed her eyes and remembered the last time she felt the shock of cold water all over her.

It was late, or maybe early. Carol felt herself getting tired, but she wanted to keep dancing. She wanted to keep singing. She wanted to keep seeing Maria, feeling her brush up against her while they danced and twirled in sloppy, drunken harmony, singing poorly to whatever song was playing. She didn’t want to go to work tomorrow just to test planes she would never get to fly outside of base. She didn’t want to sleep in her own bed, unless Maria was in it. She just wanted to keep living in this moment for as long as she could. She looked over at her equally drunk copart, dancing freely with her eyes closed. Maria rarely let loose like this, but when she did it was beautiful. She commanded the room, everyone tuning into her wavelength, feeling her all around them. She made everything beautiful, and when she was carefree, it was like no one on earth had a care in the world either. 

Maria opened her eyes to see Carol looking at her and she smiled that toothy grin she had, making the heat from Carol’s chest rise to her face. She smiled back, pushing herself closer to the woman through the people dancing around them. The dark liquor they had both been drinking was coursing through them and burning off with every move, sending sparks through both of their bodies while they watched each other bop to the music. Carol made her way over and laughed, making some comment about how only they could make old white men’s music sound this good. Maria giggled in agreeance, grabbing Carol’s hand and twirling her around. She was tired too, but she was happy to have a break. They had both been working their asses off and both felt the same frustration with the position they were seemingly stuck in. They were making their way up in rank, one then the other, every time. But two facts always remained. They were both Black Women. So the Air Force didn’t give them much reign, despite the fact that they were statistically and literally the two best pilots the Air Force had ever seen and a lot of people knew it. Despite all their talent and gusto, they did their diligence day in and day out. So, when they got the chance to be free from the monotony, they took it, hand in hand, happily. 

As Carol spun back into the woman’s arms with a heaving laugh, they both smiled at each other widely. Maria couldn’t look away, she felt stuck as her eyes moved down from her friend’s eyes to her lips. Carol surprised her by grabbing her other arm and spinning her just how she had done, and pulling her in with a dramatic dip. Everyone around them cheered, drunk too. They laughed with their bellies, feeling the song in their chests. Carol pulled Maria up slow, just as the exciting song ended. The next song started and it was slower, and most people around them coupled up, only some seeming annoyed as they made their way off the dance floor and back to the bar and stools. The two women looked around them, then at each other. They both shrugged with a small laugh, and Carol pulled Maria in to dance. She made some joke about being proper while she found her hands at Maria’s lower back, making the woman laugh as she made herself comfortable around Carol’s neck and shoulders. They laid their chins on eachother and swayed, letting the joke of it all dissipate into the air. It was moments like this that they relished in, secretly. Every now and then, they’d allow themselves a second to breathe each other in. Usually when they were drunk and their inhibitions were low. For both of them, it felt like everything melted away. Just like when they were younger and neither had been asked to the school dance, so they took each other. They shared one slow dance that night, making the excuse that it was tradition and neither should miss out on their first slow dance. They had wanted to dance together at prom, but they had both regrettably had dates for once. Maria had been asked by a boy from her science class, he played on the basketball team and told her she was pretty AND smart (wow, how romantic, Carol thought when she heard the story).

Carol hadn’t been asked but when she found out Maria said yes after being pressured by her father and not hearing Carol make a strong argument against it, Carol forced some kid from one of her classes to come with her. All four had danced that night, split into the ‘correct’ gendered pairs. Carol couldn’t keep her eyes off her bestfriend, and the feeling was mutual. During the final slow dance, they were all on the floor swaying in and out of rhythm with the song playing. Carol and Maria locked eyes and didn’t unlock them until the song was over. They had danced again during their first military ball, quietly in the back behind a pillar where no one could see them. It was unspoken but well understood. They didn’t talk about it after, they just went about their business. They always did. And they would again after tonight, carrying on like time didn’t stop when they touched like this. As the music played, Carol’s hand rubbed Maria’s back absent mindedly, while Maria rubbed small circles against Carol’s neck as they swayed, both in and out of daydreaming, both drunk and leaning a little too heavily on eachother. They both fought the urge to look up at each other, so they let their heavy heads rest on each other as they danced, feet in perfect timing with eachothers. This is what friends do, right? They were so comfortable with each other, it wasn’t weird to slow dance. Right? They almost stopped moving entirely, leaving just a small rocking between them as the music played through them, syncing their breaths. You feel so good, they both thought at the same time, almost forgetting that their freedom in this moment was due to the cognac surging through them.

When time started again and the song stopped, an upbeat one replacing it, they both lingered for a moment longer trying to hold onto the comfort they felt, and trying to collect their drunk selves. Over the sound of the music, the bartender announced last call and they looked at each other with a mischievous smirk. 

“Last one to the bar pays for the shots!” They said in unison, falling gracefully back into their routine. They ran over, both making it there at the same time, so as always they paid for each other’s shots and continued jamming to the music and letting the ambiance of the bar carry them through the rest of the night. Everyone knew everyone, so they felt safe, which was nice. As they finished their last two shots each, they both felt the drunkenness take its strong hold on them and they decided this would be their last song. They grabbed the karaoke mics that no one else wanted and belted at the top of their lungs, horribly but everyone loved it. They jumped up and down, bursting at the seams with laughter and lyrics, dancing with whoever danced with them. Once the song ended, they grabbed each other’s hands and ran for the coat rack, bounding forward despite their lack of balance. 

Pulling on their jackets, they stepped outside into the cooler air and took it in. Carol checked her watch and was astonished to see the time, despite the fact they everyone knew last call at Pancho’s meant it was 2am and the bar would be closing at 2:30. She looked over at Maria who was staring up at the sky.

“What’re you look-”

“Shh! Make a wish! Right now before you miss it!” 

Maria rushed Carol, keeping her eyes closed and her hands clasped together like she was praying, maybe even begging. Carol smiled, knowing the shooting star that must’ve passed was already gone, but she chose to believe the energy would linger for Maria and her. She closed her eyes and spent no time trying to figure out what to wish for. She knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed. They both did. Carol kept her eyes closed after she was done, letting her body relax and fully feeling the disorientation of her drunkenness. She felt woozy, almost nauseous. Maria stared at her while her eyes were shut, allowing her body to relax at the sight. She felt her body move for her, without permission. She grabbed Carol’s hand, shocking the woman’s eyes open and started running without any explanation. 

“What are you doing Rambeau? Where are we going?” 

Carol asked, confused, dizzy and feeling a familiar spike of excitement rise in her. Maria was even more daring and much less prudent when she was intoxicated. She was taking her on an adventure and she was ready to go. She would follow the woman anywhere, drunk or not.

“You’ll see. Don’t you trust me, Danvers?” 

Maria called behind her, laughing and out of breath the whole time but never stopping. Carol didn’t need to answer, they both knew the answer. They kept up laughing, thankful for all the PT they’d been forced to do by the United States military. They ran down quiet streets for a few minutes, until they made it to a dirt path with a bunch of trees, leading them off the main road. Maria looked back at Carol with an excited and sly smile. Carol pulled her hand back and made her face her. 

“You’re not trying to serial killer me, right? Where are you taking me?” 

She laughed, but meant the question.

“C’monnn.” Maria tugged, wanting to live in the moment while she could. 

“Don’t you trust me?” 

She asked again, looking in Carol’s eyes with a glint, but soft. Penetrating, Carol thought to herself. She knew she couldn’t say no, she never could. So, she smiled and signaled for Maria to keep taking her wherever she was.

“Lead the way.”

This made Maria smile excitedly, adding an extra skip in her step. They weren’t running this time but they were walking fast, Maria jumping around Carol who felt like she was in a movie or a trance, eyes never leaving Maria’s dancing body as they made their way down the dark path, leaving her feet to trust whatever path Maria made for her. Maria saw a clearing in the trees ahead of them and she started running again, creating too much space for Carol’s comfort. She snapped out of her trance and ran after the faster woman, feeling anxiety and frustration rise in her for a moment. 

“What the hell, Rambeau? It’s dark out here! You can’t just run o-” Carol started while she wiped the sweat and dust off her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw Maria standing at the edge of a lake surrounded by thick brown sand and trees. Maria waved her over and the frustration fled Carol’s body faster than it arrived. She jogged up to Maria who was already undressing, making Carol choke when she saw glimpses of Maria’s dark skin that she didn’t usually see. I mean, sure, they’d seen eachother in bathing suits and naked before, when they were kids, but it had been a while. A long while. Carol had to force her mouth shut before Maria could see it hanging open.

“Cmon, hurry up! We gotta jump in before my better judgement takes over!” 

Maria rushed as she pulled off her socks and yanked her pants the rest of the way down, pulling them over her ankles. Carol was still frozen watching her.

“Don’t tell me you’re scared Danvers? Cmon! It’ll help with the drunkenness and it’ll be a story to tell our kids!” 

Maria exclaimed, pulling her shirt over her head. All the was left was her bra and perfect light purple underwear. Carol snapped out of it and laughed.

“HA! What the hell are you doing? Don’t tell me you’re about to-”

“Skinny dip? Yes the hell I am. And so are you. Hurry up!”

Maria finished her sentence as she grabbed her hand, pulling her over and pulling the bandana off her head and tossing it with her own clothes she had made a pile of. She started pulling at Carols shirt sleeves until Carol brushed her away, laughing but really just unable to let Maria help undress her. She was suddenly feeling very shy but as always, Maria was going to get what she wanted from Carol because that’s what Carol wanted. Maria looked at her with that So, are you gonna do it or not? look that Carol was usually giving her and waited for Carol’s face to break into a smile she couldn’t help.

“I can’t believe I’m about to do this with you. Don’t cry to me when you regret it tomorrow and have to blow your hair out in the morning!” 

Carol said as she pulled her shirt over her head and exposed her own body, one that Maria wasn’t sure how to fully take in either as she fought back a smile at Carol’s comment. She thought about the last time she’d seen Carol completely naked, or at least as naked as she almost was standing there. They used to get dressed in front of each other all the time and they’d been in matching bathing suits a bunch of times growing up but it had been a while, since they weren’t rooming together in the barracks. She forced her stare away while Carol undid her pants and slid out of them, leaving only her boy shorts, a bra and socks. She kicked her socks off to match as Maria finished pulling the rest of her underwear off, and by the time they both turned around, they were stark naked in the middle of nowhere, right in front of each other.

The silence sat for a moment before they both laughed, the tension easing away like it always did. Maria grabbed Carol’s hand and ran for the water, looking back only to ask You ready? as her feet made their way into the moist sand, inching towards the cold water. Carol shot back As I’ll ever be before making her way in too. They both plunged forward, swimming out a bit but not too far. They both shot under the water and looked at eachother, grabbing hands again before popping back up. The water rolled off of them as they broke through the surface, blinking it from their eyes and feeling their hair. They laughed loudly, finding their bearings in the freezing water.

“Holy shit!” Carol swore, bobbing a bit as she figured out how to float again. Still laughing.

“More like Holy FUUUCK!” Maria shouted out with a laugh in her voice, lifting it into the trees around them. She couldn’t stop laughing, and she couldn’t stop shivering. Carol looked at her as she held her free hand that she was using to balance herself with as she floated out to Maria who happily took it in hopes it would help stabilize her as well.

“You’re a god damn maverick, Rambeau!” Carol laughed as she spun Maria around, swimming in circles trying to keep her blood pumping to warm them both up. Maria swam gracefully, still holding onto Carol’s hand. She was laughing but she was also quieter now. Carol questioned if it was the cold or if it was whatever made her jump into a freezing lake anyway. She pulled her back in and held her hand tight as she pulled her onto her back, pressing her front to her back and taking deep breaths trying to stay warm while still enjoying the fluidity of movement the water provided. They both felt like they were flying, finally.

“What’s going on in your head?” Carol asked as she swam in different directions for a little bit, back and forth as Maria clung to her back, clearly the drunker of the two now. The shock of the water had helped to sober them both up but Carol always had a higher tolerance to alcohol as it was. She was still drunk but not as drunk as her bestfriend, whos head was resting on top of Carol’s wet curls. She knew the humidity and however she planned to get sleep that night wouldn’t help with her process in the morning.

“I just want to fly. I just wanna feel free, you know?” Maria started, not exactly slurring her words but they weren’t as uniform with her natural cadence as they usually were. Carol nodded slightly with a Mhm to assure Maria that she was listening.

“I just… I just wish we could do whatever we wanted to do. I’m so tired of living by the same rules every day. I wish I could just fly into space and stay there, sometimes, you know?” Carol smiled at the thought of Maria being able to fly how she was meant to. High up, above the clouds. Away from everyone and everything that constantly tried to tie her feet to the ground. She did know, she felt the same way about herself.

“You’d leave me here on earth to deal with these bastards?” Carol asked, joking but also not. Maria half laughed, half hiccuped at the thought.

“Wherever I am, you are too. That’s how it’s always going to be, Danver’s. I fly, you fly. You fly, I fly. That’s never gonna change.” Maria said, meaning it. She was always more emotionally open when she was drunk and Carol almost felt bad listening to her, knowing she wouldn’t normally open up like this - especially naked, freezing, clinging to her best friends back with all her might and drunk in a lake they had no business being in. But she couldn’t help but revel in what the woman was saying. She felt the same.

“I know. I know. Come on, lets go home.” Maria wanted to put up a fight but she was shivering and suddenly very sleepy, so she let Carol swim them to shore. When they got out the water, the warm air offered some support in their drunken attempts to pull on their clothing over wet and suddenly sand covered bodies. They weren’t sure if they were putting on the right things but they knew it was covering their important parts and that’s what matters. 

“Can we stay at look at the stars for a little bit?” Maria asked, even though she was the one in charge, whether she knew it or not. Carol knew it. She nodded, knowing it wasn’t a good idea but one she couldn’t deny the soft woman in front of her. She spread their jackets out on the beach for them to lay down and they both did just that, scotting their bodies close to each other instinctively. They peered up at the stars above them, seeing them clearly in the huge circle the trees made. It was perfect, they both thought. Some moments went by before Carol asked a question.

“What did you wish for earlier?”

“Shh. I can’t tell or it won't come true. It was something I’ve always wanted, so it has to come true.” She explained, sleep and bourbon clouding her voice.

“Mine too.” Carol whispered, her own eyes growing heavy. They held hands and both thought that the other woman must’ve wished for them to finally be able to do their jobs the right way, to be able to fly for real. Little did they both know they were wishing for the same thing. Each other.

They laid there, staring at the stars until they weren’t. Sleep came easy for them that night, as odd as it was. It got odder when they woke up, facing each other with only a nose length between their faces, feeling the warm sting of the sun in their eyes. They looked at eachother and started laughing until they heard the familiar sound of security keys dangling and a radio in the nearing distance. They knew it had to be the wannabe cops that patrolled the area and they knew it was their time to get the hell out of there. They ran back down the same path and back onto the main road until they made it to Pancho’s. They slowed to a casual pace after that, trying not to draw attention to themselves even though they had sand all over and their hair was nowhere near what it looked like the previous night. They walked, quietly, but happily together back to the barracks and passed out in Maria’s room. She wanted the comfort of her own space to ease through her impending hangover, but she needed the comfort of Carol’s arms too. Carol put up no fight, trying not to be too obvious that she wanted to be there too. Though she’d never tell, Maria positioned herself perfectly to be held and went right to sleep.

Carol stayed up until she fell asleep like she always did, making sure she was on her side in case she threw up or needed water. She watched as Maria slept, looking like she was floating again. She was so beautiful and Carol was so tired. She laid down and held the woman, her arms perfectly fitting into the space that was left, like it was made for her. They slept most of the day away and when Carol woke up, she set medicine next to Maria’s bed and snuck out, quieter than normal. She thought about what Maria had said when she was in the water as she walked back to her room to take care of her own hangover and messed up fro’. She promised herself that day that no matter where she flew, she would make sure Maria would be there too. Behind that promise, she knew that she would follow Maria to the end of the earth, even the end of the universe without a second thought. She tried to shake some self respect back into her own dreams, smiling despite herself and went to sleep. She dreamed of Maria, because Maria was her dream.

Carol’s day dreaming was interrupted by a cold surge through the shower head again, and the sound of the downstairs sink running before being cut off. Her super hearing alerted her to the sound of Monica filling a cup and going to sit back down. She buzzed under the cold water before it eased back into the warmth she had set for herself. She felt more fond of the cold now. She stood back up and washed her body, letting the water run over her face. The soap smelled like both Monica and Maria and she felt comfort knowing she would smell like them now, too. She finished up and got out, drying herself with her powers instead of making more laundry for herself with the towels she had been looking at the night before. She grabbed her clothes and located her underwear and bra from the pile. 

When she grabbed the pair of boxers, she looked at the inside hem and saw “DANVERS” written in smudged black sharpie on the white tag. She laughed with an edge of old frustration, remembering how she had to do that because people kept stealing her underwear in the laundry room as a prank because her and Maria had ranked up before a few of the other men in their unit. Maria’s clothes never got stolen, but they didn’t refrain from trying to get to her in other ways. None of which she ever humored, but Carol knew it got to her a few times. Some of the guys had called them ‘lesbos’ a few times, and eventually it evolved into the d slur. Both pilots always had different comebacks that consistently left the immature weasels with little to say back. Carol knew both of those words well having heard them most of her life, and she had taught herself not to internalize it.

Maria, on the other hand, let the first one roll off her for the most part - but the second one sometimes picked at scabs she had long covered up. Scabs she wasn’t ready to look at yet. They both decided not to report the harassment because it would probably end up worse if they did, and eventually it died down. They both continued to rise in ranks slowly but surely, and finally Mar-Vell came and they felt some reprieve from the monotony they were used to. Carol shivered at the thought of what came after that, though. 

She slid the rest of her clothes on and walked back into the bedroom. She put her dirty clothes in the laundry basket next to the closet for her to do later, and walked back over to the box of her things. She’d seen a bunch of stuff Monica had shown her the first time she came home, but she wanted to know what was in the other boxes Maria had kept. She went through the bottom of the box that had her clothes in it not finding anything she hadn’t already seen, and then pulled open the other one they had left out. She presumed this is one Maria hadn’t shown Monica as it had light dust on it when she opened it.

She sifted through, halfway hoping to find another pair of underwear, but instead she found a bunch of papers and trinkets. Some necklaces and a silver chain bracelet, wristbands from carnivals and bars they had been to together, a pair of dice from a board game they had stolen from a store one time when they were younger and had kept as they grew up. She ran her hands over everything, trying to take in as much of her former self as she could like she always did when she had the chance. She fumbled at the bottom of the box and pulled out a bunch of papers, some folded, some grocery lists with toiletries and snacks crossed off here and there, some half done crossword puzzles that Carol was never good at, and a few opened envelopes. She sat the rest down and looked over each envelope with care. 

Some had cards in them, birthday and christmas cards, one from valentines day. All of them had silly characters or jokes on the front. They had made a good habit of buying each other cheesy cards for every holiday they could think of, Carol strained to remember as she read through them. She rubbed her finger over Maria’s perfect signature, wondering if she kept the ones Carol had gotten her, too. She filed through the papers curiously, flipping through piece after piece of paper that held a small snapshot of moments in her life. Mundane, ordinary moments. She cherished them, and she was grateful to both Maria for keeping them and herself for never being organized and keeping all this stuff that most people would’ve eventually thrown away or allowed themselves to misplace over time. Her eyes fixed on a thicker envelope. She grabbed it, reading the red script labeled across the front.

To: Danvers

From: Rambeau ♡ 

Carol smiled at the little heart Maria had drawn next to her last name. She opened the letter, finding another heart on the back of the envelope where it was once sealed. Carol reads over the letter, feeling emotion and memory rise up in her chest, spreading through her whole body. The letter is dated, of course because Maria is ever punctual. It was from when they had been stationed at two separate bases for the first few months. It was agony for both of them, being in two separate states. Carol had sent Maria a letter when she first arrived, thinking she would be the first one to write. She was shocked, however, to find a letter waiting for her when she arrived at the post office on base. She had opened it the second she got back to her barracks room. It was an envelope inside an envelope, the outer one having had their full names and ranks and official military postage, the second one having the cute little hearts Maria drew perfectly when she wrote. Again, she was softer than most people expected her to be.

The letter expressed pretty much exactly what Carol had in hers, which came to no surprise to either of them when they both read what the other had sent. They were always on the same wavelength. They both had so much more they needed to say, but they were so grateful to hold something physical that the other had taken time to write for the other.  Maria asked how Carol was doing, explained what had been going on with her, and complained about the men on base per usual. Just as if they were together in person. 

As Carol read through it, she laughed, probably how she had the first time, at a lot of the letter. Towards the end though, she felt a tight ball of heat sitting in her chest restricting her breathing. She almost couldn’t read through what was left of the letter. Was she embarrassed? 

“Anyways, I hope you’re still kicking ass. I KNOW you are, that always came easy to you. 

I hope we can call soon, hopefully without being interrupted by the other idiots needing to use the phone every single time you do. I can’t believe there's only four on your base and only two that actually work (what happened to ‘The Air Force’s finest?’). You’d think with all the money the military has.. You know. I know it’s hard for both of us to find the time right now but I just really miss you, Carol. I miss shitty karaoke a lot, I can’t do it with these clowns here without you. Friday nights just aren’t the same haha. I miss renting the same movies every weekend and staying up all night eating too much. I even watched Fame the other day without you. I still hate it but it was nice, I just wish you were here to act out all the scenes. And I’ll deny it if you ever tell anybody, but I even miss your shitty cooking (burn this after reading), and not just because it makes it easier for me to be the better cook, but just because it’s you. I never used to hate writing letters but I do now, because it reminds me how far they have to travel to get to you. I hate that we’re not together, we’ve always been together. And as much as I act like I know what I’m doing, sometimes I feel lost without you here. And I know we’ve been pretending everything is the same but it isn’t, at least not for me. I wish we had more time to talk before you left. I wish we had more time in general. Damn the Air Force. Regardless, I just want you to know that I love you. And I’m so proud of you. I always am.

It’ll all be better soon. I believe that, just like you always do. We’ll be up in the air in no time. I’ll meet you up there. I’ll be the one whipping by you. Catch up if you can.

Take good care of yourself, because I’m not there to do it for you. 

You’re the best damn pilot in the Air Force (second only to me, of course), and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise! Call me when you get the chance. And hurry up and write back!

Always, 

Rambeau.

Ps. Things wont always be this way. Don’t forget that. And don’t forget that round of shots you owe me, either, goofball.”

Carol felt the heat of a blush running to her cheeks. She was thankful for her dark complexion hiding it, although no one was there to see her anyways. Why did she feel so giddy, and also… embarrassed? She felt like she was reading someone’s diary, even though the letter was clearly addressed to her and she had already read it. Years ago. She scanned over the text again, regarding Maria’s perfect handwriting. She felt like she was reading a love letter. Maybe it was, but she was too anxious to entertain the thought too much. She wasn’t exactly sure what that would mean, and she wasn’t sure if this year's old letter still even meant anything other than friendship.

Maria had been tight lipped about a lot of stuff, even though she pretended like she wasn’t. Her and Monica always answered Carol’s questions openly, happily for the most part unless it was about the ‘missing period’. They all tried to avoid that subject now, as time had gone by, but they all also knew that it would come up naturally sometimes and it couldn’t be left unanswered all the time. Aside from that, to the untrained eye, it seemed like Maria was willing to give up any bit of information that would help get them all back to how they used to be or at least help figure out what life looked like moving forward. But Carol knew better, she had a very well trained eye for Maria Rambeau, it was second nature for her - with or without the gaps in her memory. There had been a few moments,  just brief enough to almost miss, since Carol came back the first time with Fury and even more recently on some of her visits, when the unshakeable Maria had gotten flustered or nervous, where the heat currently in Carol’s cheeks had been in hers. When her heart threatened to beat so hard it would leap from her chest. Granted, she hid it well but again, Carol could always see through her. She seldom was at a loss for words or made quick, messy cover ups in conversation. Usually the people around them didn’t even notice. Monica didn’t even catch it, or at least didn’t acknowledge it. It happened once or twice when Carol and Maria were alone, too. Carol knew things like that only happened when Maria felt unsure, or when she really didn’t want to talk about something. Anyone who had ever met Maria knew she was as straightforward as they come, so that’s what made Carol pay extra attention when she was avoiding something. 

The thoughts of romance danced around Carol’s brain tauntingly, aching for her to pull them forward and examine them. But knowing how Maria was, and knowing that she only got that way when she was purposefully avoiding something, Carol settled on a quiet feeling of rejection instead - against her better judgment. She let it swell through her, enflaming the previous feelings of embarrassment right along with it. She put the letter away, resigning that she should just be thankful to have a friend who cares for her so much and that she wouldn’t allow herself to think anything else. She did this often, rejected herself before other people could to avoid the stinging feeling of embarrassment or disappointment her parents and the people she grew up with often supplied her with.

Maria never made her feel that way, and maybe that's why she would accept this quiet, self imposed feeling now instead of facing it in person with the other woman. She couldn’t risk ruining something she had just gotten back, anyways. Right? Right, she forced herself to agree in her head. She decided to go find Monica and clear her head of the letter. As she walked out, she glanced at the picture of Maria and the child again and sighed softly, letting a small smile of gratitude cover her face. This could be enough for her, if she would let it be.

Monia was sitting on the couch still, no longer paying any mind to the tv playing in the background. She was eagerly reading through the huge phone book they usually had sitting on the coffee table, bracing it against her bended knees as she flipped through the yellow pages quickly. 

“What’re you looking for, Lt. Trouble?”

“Someone who sells the parts I need for my next invention! What letter do you think that would be under?”

Carol laughs, deciding to humor the girl.

“Hmm, you know I’m not sure. Have you tried under sales? Or maybe…a junkyard?”

“I could try the junkyard! I didn’t try that yet!”

“Maybe I can get you a hook up from Fury, orrrr maybe your mom knows someone at her job? What’re you even looking for?”

“I already asked her last week! She said she would check but I think she was just saying that. Here’s my list.”

Monica handed Carol a surprisingly long list, with a few things checked off that Carol assumed were already laying around the house. She wondered if Maria knew that these things had been checked off, which gave her a good chuckle. She set the list down and turned to Monica.

“Okay, I think I can get you some of these but the bigger things are definitely gonna need some work. Maybe we can roll down to the junkyard this week?”

“YES! And no take-backsies!”

“Wouldn’t dare. How about you come help me handle the laundry and dishes and then we can head outside?”

“Deal. I think you might need help figuring out the detergent set up Ma’ has anyways. She’s very particular.” 

Monica explains, leaping up into action and grabbing Carol’s hand to pull her along.

Monica was right, Maria had a very elaborate and strict laundry system. The two of them likely didn’t get it exactly right but they did their best to pay attention to details neither of them really cared about but knew Maria did, wanting not only to please and respect Maria, but also wanting to avoid what she would have to say about it if they got it wrong or chose to ignore it. Carol tried to use her powered speed and agility to help make the process move quicker, but it only hindered the experience. She noted that the chance to move slowly and be mindful was probably why Maria seemed to enjoy the routine of laundry and such. It probably helped calm her down and help her be present after long days working to protect the whole world, while still having to be a full time mom to a rather rambunctious child, on top of whatever anxiety Carol added throughout her week. She smiled and decided to try and match the attentiveness. Her and Monica spent a while switching between loading and unloading, doing the dishes left over from dinner last night and breakfast - eventually returning to sort and fold the clean clothes and linens. It smelled lovely in the laundry room, reminding both of them of Maria. It comforted them in a way only she could. 

Once they finished with the inside chores, they decided to mix and match to-do lists. Monica needed to catch some frogs just as much as Carol needed to mow the lawn, she insisted. Carol agreed to help her catch some frogs if she would agree to help her patch up some of the paint that Maria had been avoiding doing. They shook on it, running off into the field that would be mowed down later in the day. They went at it excitedly, jumping around in the tall grass and dirt, painting not so gracefully and splattering white paint on each other by “accident”.

By the time they finished the side of the house and Monica had caught, released and named at least eight frogs that she swore were all different despite being nearly identical, they had both created more laundry to do and were both definitely in need of a bath but neither minded in the slightest. Even once they were done, they chased each other around tirelessly until Monica was hiccupping and giggling at the same time. Carol marveled at Monica’s intrinsic wonder and love at the world around her. In her Hero heart, watching it solidified her sense of duty to protect the galaxy, making sure nothing and no one could ever bring harm to the world her daughter so loved. But in her Carol heart, it made her giddy too. Almost envious in a way. She missed the days when she could roll around in a yard and only worry about trying not to crush too many bugs. Now she had to worry about whether someone was going to crush a planet or not. She often longed for a childhood she never really had, and sometimes even the one she did have when she could piece it together. She knew it wasn’t a good one, but she had Maria. She just had Maria. And now Monica does too, and god was she glad about it. 

Carol picked the younger girl up and flew her to the front porch in a flash, something Maria would swear she didn’t approve of as she fought back her own giggles. Monica shouted with pure glee as her feet landed back on the wood she knew well. They zipped in the house and ran to the kitchen, ready for lunch. Monica decided she would handle making it, promising Carol the best turkey and cheese sandwich she would ever have. Or at least better than she could make herself.

“Mayo or mustard Mama?”

Carol beamed a grin across her face, feeling a familiar hot blush swipe across her at the word mama but she tried to play it cool.

“I want whatever you’re having, Trouble!”

Carol responded happily, only after registering the fact that she hated mustard and hoped that Monica did too. She watched as the girl ran through the kitchen, leaving a small mess across different surfaces. She whipped up the two sandwiches like she did it very often, and sat two plates down in front of Carol with a big toothy smile. 

“Wa-La! The Trouble special!” 

She exclaimed, nudging the sandwich to Carol and taking a big bite out of her own, leaving a smudge of mayo on the inner side of her finger. Thank god, Carol laughed to herself. Before she could remind the girl to make sure she cleaned up, Monica was already stacking up her ingredients and propping open the fridge with her foot. This made the woman smile, knowing she had probably heard one too many times from Maria about cleaning up after herself. 

“Take a bite!” Monica mumbled, chewing down another bite herself and gesturing to Carol with her hands. Carol bit into the sandwich and began mimicking the fancy chefs they would watch on tv together.

“Mmm! Magnificent work yet again, Chef Rambeau!”

Monica smiled before straightening her face and standing up straight before taking a bow, nearly dropping her own sandwich. They both laughed and enjoyed their sandwiches, Carol deciding to sneak Monica a coke in thanks for making the best sandwich she’d ever had, saying "this ones on me” and promising to tell Maria she drank them if she asks. Once they both finished and decided that Monica won the burping contest, they decided to tackle the lawn and climb the tree. Monica ran back outside like she had all the energy in the world, and Carol followed behind at a much slower pace as if she didn’t literally have all the energy in the world.

They took turns pushing the mower up and down the huge yard in different directions, trying to make different drawings with the pattern it created. Carol figured Maria wouldn’t mind much. Once they finished, both sweating under the direct heat of the sun, they were both happy to have some reprieve when they made their way over to the trees. Carol laid down in the grass underneath the biggest tree, grateful for the shade it provided.

She breathed deep, taking in the soft wind that was blowing. It wasn’t as humid as she had expected, another thing she was grateful for. Monica plopped herself next to her, pulling up her tee shirt sleeves to match Carol’s rolled up sleeves. She poked at the tan line appearing where the shirt sat for most of the day. Carol pointed to her own, kind of happy to have a tan to her brown skin again. She spent a lot of time in her suit, so it always felt nice to have regular clothes on. She thought about how the sun on earth felt so different than on other planets, who all had different sources of heat and light. She looked over at Monica, who was now laying down too, watching a lady bug crawl through her hands. She was brighter than the sun, Carol thought, before she pushed her sunglasses up her forehead to tangle in her fro’ again.

“So, you’re gonna conquer the big one today, huh?”

“Absolutely. Mom always gets nervous so she told me to wait until you came home again. The whole super power thing and stuff.”

Monica rolled her eyes and continued looking at the lady bug with curiosity.

“Well, she kinda has a point kiddo. Let’s do it.”

Monica jumped to her feet, pausing only to gently place the lady back in the grass and hopped over to the foot of the tree. She walked around it, looking for the perfect place to start. She found her footing and called Carol over to spot her from behind.

“Alright, pay attention and be careful. Let me know if you get stuck, okay?”

“Gotcha gotcha. If I get stuck, will you fly up to me?” 

Monica asked while climbing up the first couple inches, hoisting herself up to find a sturdy hand hold between two branches and bracing her legs against either side. 

“We’ll see.”

Carol watched intently, squinting her eyes against the sun and smiling with her teeth, hands ready to catch Monica. The girl climbed up a few feet and held on tight.

“So, this is how far I got last time with Mom. I just have to streeetchhhhh over to the next branch.”

“You got this, just pretend your arms are made of elastic and reach.”

Monica tried a few times to stretch over with no success, before deciding to just leap as far as she could to connect her hands. Carol’s heart nearly jumped out her chest, not even realizing her own feet had ended up off the ground, floating next to the girl who had successfully made the jump. She smiled at her mom, ignoring the small scratches on her forearms that were starting to bleed just a little bit.

“Jesu- Good job, Trouble! Just maybe tell me next time?”

“We’ll see.”

Monica shot back with that same toothy grin her mother has. She made her way up the rest of the tree and sat on the highest branch she felt comfortable with, kicking her feet with pride. Carol decided to climb the tree next, doing it with ease to meet Monica on the branch. She sat on the one next to it, as to not add too much weight. 

“Why didn’t you just fly or float or something?” 

“That would be cheating! Plus, I wanna be as cool as you are. I wish I had a camera so we could show your mom!”

“I’ll just have to do it again!”

“Sounds like a plan, kiddo.”

Carol laughed, squeezing Monica’s cheek just a bit before letting her climb on her shoulders to fly back down and head to the house to clean up. 

After washing up, they decided to play some video games for a bit until it was time to start setting up for dinner. They had about two hours until Maria got home and they both wanted to at least be started on food when she arrived. Monica pulled out all her favorites and told Carol to pick which one to play first. They took turns picking after the first few rounds of operation, shutes and ladders, and jenga - all of which Monica won.

Carol insisted on playing something she had a fighting chance at, so they grabbed the deck of cards from the coffee table and played Go Fish. Carol won the first round, but Monica won the last three. Finally, admitting full defeat, Carol asked if they had anymore games. Monica grabbed two more from where they kept them, splaying them on the table. Carol’s eyes caught something familiar, pulling it to herself without a thought. She stared at the worn box and tried to remember. Monica watched, offering an explanation just as Carol was finding one of her own.

“Mom says she always used to beat you at this. She wouldn’t play it with me for a while but one day she brought it out after dinner and taught me. She beat me too the first two times, but I beat her after that. You wanna play?”

Carol wasn’t sure if she was biting back a smile, a laugh, or tears. She nodded and let Monica set the board up. Monica read the instructions out loud just in case Carol didn’t remember it, which Carol wasn’t sure if she did. She decided to just play and see what sticks. Monica handed her the light blue piece without asking, and Carol saw that it had her initials written on it. She watched as Monica sorted through the colors, passing over the purple one that had M.R written on it. She felt a tug in her heart as she watched Monica choose the red one that had a small, barely legible M.R on it too. She watched as Monica pulled out cards and then a set of white and black dice. Carol stood up abruptly, leaving Monica no time to question it.

“Hang on, there’s two pieces missing. I’ll go grab them.”

Carol ran upstairs almost embarrassingly fast and b-lined for the box she had looked through earlier. She grabbed the two colorful die she had left there earlier and headed back downstairs, feeling a mixture of excitement and belonging, along with a deeper, quieter sense of yearning. 

Her and Monica played several rounds, Monica winning the first one until Carol remembered all her strategies from all the times she had beat Maria’s ass at the game. Carol agreed to another game, rolling the dice first since she lost the last round. She rolled doubles, and took her turn. While Monica was doing her lucky roll ritual of blowing on the dice and kissing her small hands, Carol felt herself slipping into a memory she had long displaced. She let herself remember slowly, recalling the reason the dice had even been separated from the game board in the first place. 

“You take the board, I’ll take the dice. That way, we both have a piece, neither of us can play, and then no one else gets the chance to whoop your ass. That’s reserved for my talents.”

Carol laughed, but she was being serious. She was desperate to hold onto anything that could be just for them. Something she could carry in her pocket shamelessly, that no one would understand if they saw. They might think she had a gambling addiction or something, no one would suspect she was trying to hold onto any remnants she could of the woman she loved in her everyday life. She watched as Maria chuckled, probably formulating a sarcastic comeback, Carol assumed with a smirk. Maria never just accepted defeat, that's why they had played the game so many times. 

“Sounds good to me, Danvers. I wouldn’t let anybody else win, anyway.” 

Maria quipped back, knowing she never actually let the other woman win but she couldn’t resist making her think about the possibility. She, too, was happy to keep as many tangible reminders of what they had with her. They both had been fighting with themselves for their friendship to be enough, that having that ripped away from them sent them both reeling. She rubbed her finger over the ripped up pricing sticker on the back of the box waiting for Carol to respond.

“Yeah, OKAY. Like hell you let me win. No one loses that many times, THAT bad and is just letting-”

Maria wrapped her arms around the other woman, letting the box and a few pieces fall out on her bed. She held on tight and fought against sniffling. She wouldn’t let herself let it go. Let her go. She felt Carol choke on the words she didn’t get to finish and relax her body into the embrace. It was almost too relaxed. Neither wanted to admit they were fighting back tears that might never stop flowing if they let them start.

Carol didn’t mind being cut off, she was just finding words to string together anyway. There really wasn’t time for small talk but what else were they supposed to do? Leave it up to Maria to figure it out. To do the thing no one else would. To make the move everyone was afraid to - the one Carol was afraid too. Most people thought Carol was the fearless one just based off her usual demeanor and what people saw her do. Little did they know that she had never been more terrified than in this moment. Not knowing when they’d be able to play the game again. Not knowing when they would be able to touch like this again. Not knowing anything other than that they were afraid and loved each other so deeply.

They sat like that for longer than they both figured they should’ve, but neither felt any regret or shame in the moments as they piled up. They both ignored the awkward angle they were in, they both ignored the sounds outside the barracks room, they both ignored the clock as it ticked cruelly forward. They sank into each other, both laying their chins on the other's shoulder, letting the sides of their faces touch. It was close enough to look over and kiss. Neither dared to let the thought get too loud, choosing to let the contact be enough. It always had to be just enough, between them.

They didn’t say much after that, just small hums and sniffles here and there as they rocked slowly trying to find any sort of comfort they could. They laid down after a while, and before Maria could protest through her tears, Carol promised she would get up early enough to make it back to her room before the bus left the base. They laid there, quietly fighting sleep, wrapped as close together as they could be. Maria kept her face down and her forehead on Carol’s chest, Carol kept her arm under Maria’s neck and pulled her as close as she could with the other. Eventually she reached for Maria’s hand, this time it was her turn to do the thing that they both needed someone to do. Maria eventually cried herself to sleep, and Carol stayed up just rocking her softly until the sun came up. 

When she stood up to leave, grabbing her bags and smoothing a hand over her braid, Maria turned over to take her in. She tried to glare at her, but it softened itself against her will into a sad smile. 

“Don’t you dare leave without saying goodbye, Danvers.” 

They both felt a warm tear or two tear itself across their cheeks. Carol tried her best to match the smile Maria was bravely offering her but it came off even weaker. She walked over and kissed the woman on the forehead before turning to leave, afraid that if she stayed even a minute longer she would never leave. Thoughts of going AWOL floated through her head for the billionth time since she had gotten her orders four days ago. She fought them off with as much strength as she could muster and took another step into the door frame.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

She felt the glare of a rising sun sear into her eyes and she stepped through the threshold, choosing not to look back at the woman on the bed she had just left. Maria wondered if she would’ve looked back either, as she let herself curl into herself and let out the sobs she was fighting back before. She silenced them as best as she could and stayed that way until she had to get up, leaving her no choice but to pull herself together into something that resembled the woman she was just a few days before. 

Carol stood outside the door, trying hard not to listen for Maria for a moment before forcing her feet forward. Step after step, more tears fell from her as she grit her teeth to fight back the screams sitting in her chest. She, too, had to be put together in the next few minutes and it seemed the most impossible task. It almost was.

“Ma’? It’s your turn.”

Carol shook her head, only then registering the wetness in her eyes. She picked up the dice and rolled them, trying to refocus on the game infront of her. She shouted when she rolled doubles again, meaning she got to go twice now.

“Looks like I still got it, afterall!”

“Yeah.. sure. Let’s ignore that I beat you all the other times.” 

Monica laughed out, observing the change in her mother.

“I was just letting you win!”

Carol laughed, mostly to herself, as she moved the blue piece across the board.

“That’s what mom always says. I don’t believe her and I definitely don’t believe you!”

Monica shot back playfully. This made them both laugh, knowing it was true. Some things don’t change.

They kept playing a few turns until Monica finally decided to ask the question she had been formulating the whole game so far.

“What were you thinking about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just now, after you took your first turn. It seemed like you weren’t really here for a little bit.” 

Monica, just like her mother, ever to the point. Carol hesitated before choosing to just answer truthfully.

“Sometimes, when I’m home with you guys or even when I’m out there in space.. If I touch something, or smell something or someone says a certain somethin’... I remember stuff. Sometimes its just a quick second in my mind, sometimes its like flashbacks. I have a lot of rememberin’ to do, so sometimes I get stuck trying to see it clearly.”

Monica stared at the woman in front of her with understanding eyes. She waited a moment before responding.

“That makes sense, you know. I heard on TV that amnesia can make it take a while to get all your memories back.”

Carol shifted in her seat at the word amnesia, because it was so medical. She never actually did get checked out by a doctor on earth, trying to avoid a conversation about why she was super charged 24/7. She didn’t want to draw attention to her family but she had heard the word being tossed around by Fury and Maria a few times. She nodded at Monica, motioning for the girl to take her turn as they talked. Monica continued.

“Ya’know… I like when you remember stuff. Sometimes I get sad thinking you don’t know all the stuff I do. But then I just remember that it's still in there somewhere. There’s a lot of good stuff waiting for you.”

The girl smiled reassuringly, finishing her turn and deciding to pat Carol’s hand softly just like her mom does to her when she’s upset by something.

“You’re pretty smart, you know that?”

“Of course I know that. I’m actually a genius, but that’s all just semantics.”

“You got me there, kiddo.”

Carol said while rolling the dice again and moving her pieces. She might actually win this round.

“If you ever have any questions about stuff, you can just ask me. Mommy doesn’t always tell you or me everything, but I remember. Sometimes I think I know more than both of you combined.” 

Monica smirked, looking over the board calculating precisely how to take Carol out now that she had her where she wanted her. She took her turn calmly, trying not to alert Carol to her master plan. Carol watched mindlessly as the girls piece glided across the board. Maybe she wouldn’t win this round, actually.

“That would be nice, Mon. Thanks. You can ask me stuff too. Also, just spare me and take me out now!”

Carol smirked back, knowing she would have to roll doubles again to beat the red piece.

“It’s no fun if you just give up!”

Carol decided to do Monica’s good luck trick this time, blowing on each die separately and then kissing her hands when she brought them together. She tossed them on the board aimlessly, trying not to focus on the numbers so she didn’t jinx it. They both watched as both die rolled a 3.

“No way!”

“Haha! Maybe your lucky trick does work!” 

Carol laughed as she moved her piece past Monica’s and into the goal. Finally, a win. She stood up and did a goofy dance around the table like Monica had done before her when she was winning. They both started the giggles again, deciding it was probably time to start cleaning up and getting everything ready for dinner.

As they sorted through the cabinets together, Monica standing on the counter despite what her mother would say, Monica began telling Carol stories to see if she could help jog her memory since Carol hadn’t asked any questions yet. She ran through her baby years, her toddler years - especially her ‘troublesome two’s’ as Maria calls them, and everything up until when Carol went missing. They both chose not to talk about why there was such a gap in time. Carol listened quietly, laughing here and there when the story almost always resulted in some hilarious mishap on Carol and Monica’s part. Monica felt successful as she could see her mom piecing things together while they attempted to boil noodles and mix together pasta sauce on the stove. They both tried to keep it from getting messy, not wanting to add any stress to Maria’s plate when she got home. 

Monica told as many stories as she could while Carol took them in happily, filing some away to focus on later when she could fully process them. They were all happy moments, usually funny. It was nice to know that life was good before the accident. Finally, when they started grating the cheese together, Monica decided she would ask some questions now since she had told so many stories. She had a lot she wanted to know too. 

“Here, you do this one and I’ll do this one. Just be careful with the grater, it can get tricky towards the end.” 

Carol motioned to Monica as she walked over to the table with a bowl to put the cheese in when they were done. Carol picked up some cheese and got to work, being mindful herself. Just because cuts healed up quickly for her didn’t mean they didn’t sting when she got them. She knew this well, especially being in a kitchen. Monica started grating too, trying to perfectly time her question. She had been through the boxes upstairs too, always making sure to leave them how she found them so she didn’t tip her mother off. She never understood why she kept them private from her like she didn’t already know about most of the stuff in there. 

“So, why don’t you and mom kiss anymore?”

Carol’s hand skidded to a stop, a choke coming up her throat that ended in a cough she could barely get out. She stood there stunned for a moment, unsure if she had heard the girl correctly. She didn’t notice the small cut on the side of her finger from the edge of the grater yet.

“W-what?”

“Why don’t you and mommy kiss anymore? I don’t know why she keeps all that stuff in the boxes upstairs a secret like I didn’t always see you guys. It was normal when you guys acted normal, now it’s weird seeing you two act different. Did you guys get into a fight or something?”

Carol was still too stunned to speak, standing over the more than half grated cheese that was now no good to use since her finger was bleeding a bit more. Monica looked up at her and noticed the blood, then stared at her with those same curious eyes, only now a touch of concern in them. Carol could feel the stare so she forced herself to shake her head again, clearing her throat in the process.

“I, um, I don’t really know what you’re talking about I don’t think.”

“Right. Here, your blood is ruining the cheese.”

Monica handed her a towel. Carol looked down and finally noticed all the blood. It wasn’t a crazy amount but definitely enough to have ruined the cheese. She wrapped the towel around it and walked to the sink, rinsing it off with cool water while she felt like she was in a daze. She started thinking about the letter Maria had sent her again. She read through the words in her head again, over and over while the water stung her finger. She could hear Monica in the back cleaning up her mess and she felt bad. She felt bad for ruining a part of dinner per usual, but also for reacting this way. And for not actually having an answer. She couldn’t have been sure before this but now she could.

Maybe? Maybe Monica meant cheek kissing or forehead kisses. Maybe her child mind was more innocent than Carol’s confused one. She turned the water off and looked in the junk drawer for some bandaids. She pulled out a pink barbie one and wrapped it tight over her new cut. It would probably be gone in a few hours but she wanted the security of the bandaid in the moment. For some reason, she felt shaken up again. Her face felt hot and her chest felt tight. She turned back to Monica who was finishing up her grating now, adding it into the bowl. As Carol walked back over to grab it to put with the rest of the food, she was searching for something to say in response that actually made sense. Before she could get anything out, Monica chimed in again.

“I’m sorry I asked, I wasn’t sure if it would make you feel funny. But please don’t tell mom I was snooping. I just wanted to see as much of you as I could. But she’ll be upset with me if you tell, I think.”

“Don’t worry about it, Trouble. Secrets safe with me.” 

Carol said, smiling weakly at the girl. Monica did feel bad, but she also kind of knew this would be the reaction Carol would have. It only confirmed one of her theories, that Carol didn’t remember that her and Maria were in a relationship. She was almost tempted to say something else when they both heard the sound of Maria’s car pull in the long drive way. They looked at each other and nodded quickly. Monica started cleaning off the table while Carol started making plates. Finally, something her super speed could help with. She made all three plates and set them on the table right as Maria opened the front door. Monica ran over to her, hugging her tightly as she hung her bag on the rack near the door. She hugged back, running her hand softly over the girls forehead with a smile. 

“Smells good in here. Did Monica cook?” Maria laughed, kicking off her work shoes and slipping on the sandals she wore around the house. 

“Haha, very funny!”

Carol shouted from the kitchen where she was borderline having a panic attack, trying to figure out how to act normal enough to get through the rest of the night with Monica’s question looming over her head.

“Nope, I only helped! Mama Carol did most of the work. I made lunch though. Mom said it was the best sandwich she’d ever had anywhere in all the galaxies!”

Monica exclaimed, only half telling the truth, as she nearly dragged Maria to the kitchen table. 

“I said something like that, yes.”

Carol laughed, her mouth forming into a smile when her eyes met Maria’s.

Maria smiled back before quickly looking around the kitchen, half expecting to see a new scorch mark somewhere. 

“It looks… the same as I left it, in here, minus a few dirty dishes. I’m impressed, Danvers.” 

Maria smirked, walking to the sink to wash her hands before sitting down and letting Monica get in her lap. She was certainly growing, she barely fit between the table and Maria anymore but she always made it work. 

“How was your day?”

Monica asked her mother, once again kicking her feet excitedly, being back in the presence of Maria. It meant a lot to Maria that she still got excited to see her. She hoped it would last through puberty.

“Ya’know, same ol’ same ol’. Protecting the world from aliens, which oddly enough usually is just a bunch of paperwork no one else reads or signs. So, pretty successful I guess.”

Maria laughed, pulling Monica’s cheek in for a small peck.

“I’m more interested in how YA’LL’S day went. The lawn looks… great, by the way.”

Before Carol could chime in, which she wasn’t going to being that she was staring at Maria’s toned arms the entire time she’d been in the room, Monia answered for them both.

“It was AWESOME! We caught so many frogs, I named one after you, and then I finally climbed up the whole tree!”

Maria chuckled, noting the small scrapes on her daughter but not worrying. It wasn’t a normal day if Monica didn’t get at least one scrape or bruise from her exploring.

“Well, I’m flattered. Did you get any help from a certain superhero, by any chance?”

“Nope, she did it all on her own. Much faster than I did, too.”

Carol answered while shooting her hands up like finger guns, shooting a wink to Monica who delighted at the remark.

Maria looked at the pink Barbie bandaid on the woman’s finger and half laughed half frowned.

“Seems like no one made it out without a few cuts today, huh?”

Carol looked down at her hand, almost embarrassed. She laughed.

“She got that from grating cheese, not climbing the tree!”

Monica answered, once again saving Carol from trying to find words. 

“Why am I not surprised? Well anyways, thank you both for doing such a good job with the chores today. Looks like you both really earned that extra tv time tonight.” 

Maria winked at them both before letting Monica scoot off her leg and back into her own chair, ready to eat.

“Thank god, I’m so hungry. I forgot to pack lunch last night so all I had today was a bunch of coffee and some nasty as- mm, some gross altoids my secretary had.”

“Sheesh. I hope it actually tastes like food this time then! Oop, I forgot the forks.” Carol said, about to get up and grab them. Monica beat her to it and ran over to the counter, leaving the two women with a moment or two to take each other in. They both held back a sigh, and just smiled at each other. The eye contact felt too much for both of them, for the same and different reasons. 

Monica returned and they broke their shared gaze, both feeling a mixture of missing it and thankful that it was over. Monica handed everyone a fork she had picked specifically for them and they all ate, swapping stories of their days back and forth. Maria laughed feeling relieved hearing how well the day went, she was hoping she would still have a house to come back between Monica and Carol. As they were all finishing their meals, Maria noticed the stack of games left out on the coffee table. 

“Make sure you put those up, Mon’.” She said softly, taking a sip of some iced tea. 

“I will. Also, guess who won the most games tonight? Guess, guess!”

Carol shook her head with a laugh.

“Hmm, if I was gonna take a wild guess… You?!” 

Maria smiled widely, pointing at her daughter playfully.

“You betcha’! I whooped Mama Carol’s butt like eighty billion times at all the games. Even the one you taught me that she was supposed to be super good at, even with the new fancy dice! She only won that one three times, and the last one was just pure luck cause’ I almost had it!” 

Carol and Monica laughed together, and suddenly Maria’s eyes unfocused. The laughter in the background melted into one sound, and everything else started to go quiet. She thought about the dice. The colors on the dots. Where she had left them sitting, in the box, in her room. She thought about why they were in Carol’s belongings and not her own. Then she thought about everything else that was in the box with them. She only came to when Monica and Carol’s laughing slowed down, reminding her that it would seem weird if she didn’t respond in the next second or two.

“Well, it looks like the mighty do fall sometimes. I used to let her win that game every time we played it.” 

Maria half heartedly laughed with a smirk, almost instantly regretting bringing up the past. Carol looked down at her almost empty plate for a moment before fixing her own face to shoot back something well timed and sarcastic enough to play off the shudder that sentence sent through her spine.

“Hmm, crazy cause when it comes to everyone else in the world, meaning you, I’m still the world champion. Monica just had that lucky dice trick.” 

Before Maria could even laugh, Monica jumped in.

“Hey! It’s not just the lucky dice, I just also happen to be the smartest person in the whole wide stinkin’ world too!”

“You make a good point.”

Carol and Maria said in unison, both with an adoring laugh. All three looked at each other and broke out laughing, feeling thankful for the lack of awkwardness that probably would’ve left in the air if it wasn’t so funny.

After that, everyone finished and avoided the different subjects on everyone’s minds happily. Carol cleaned up the plates, grazing by Maria’s arm while she walked to the sink. Monica pulled Maria over to the couch with her while Carol washed the dishes, quickly putting away all the games they had left out and positioning herself on the couch while Maria flipped through the channels for her. She had sat right in the middle, leaving just enough space for either woman on both sides of her. She really did live up to that nickname sometimes, both mother’s thought. When Carol made her way over, they were just settling on a show to watch. 

“Remember, you get 10 extra minutes.”

“Does that have to count commercials? Can we pause the timer when they come on? Pleeeeeaasssshhhhh.”

Monica pretended to beg to both women who laughed. 

“We’ll see what we can do. Time starts now, though.”

Maria answered her. Monica turned towards the tv and leaned back, wanting to take in every minute she had. She normally would get about an episode and a half in during her nighttime tv, maybe two if her mom dozed off in between. She was sure she was going to get at least two this time, since Maria looked sleepy. She didn’t account for Carol’s super powers making her have a longer stamina, but she figured she wouldn’t snitch. She looked up at her as they watched and she shot her down a wink in return, solidifying their silent agreement. As long as it was still summertime, Carol didn’t have an issue with it. Of course, she wouldn’t go against Maria, though, unless of course she fell asleep. Which she usually did. 

The three sat through an episode, choosing not to count the commercials in their internal timers, and started the second one. A few minutes in, Monica had positioned herself with her head and back on Carol’s lap, with her legs and feet on Maria’s. She watched the show quietly, not noticing herself dozing off. Once the second episode was over, she was fast asleep, nearly drooling on Carol. Both women laughed quietly at the sight. Maria reaches for the remote to turn off the tv while Carol effortlessly lifts Monica up and begins to walk her to her room. As she walks away, Maria fights the idea of Carol lifting her that way and carrying her to bed. She shakes her head and stands up to go to the fridge.

When Carol makes her way back downstairs after carefully tucking the young girl in, she’s greeted with Maria passing her a beer and a bottle opener. 

“Not sure if you still need to use these, but c’mon.”

Carol doesn’t need it but she chooses to use it anyway. She follows Maria without question through the front door and onto the porch. The sun is down now and it’s not quite as warm as it was the night before. 

“God, I’ve been waiting for this all day.” 

Maria says, taking a long swig from the cold bottle. She sits down on the steps and leans back on her elbows, beer still laced between her fingers. She looks like she’s relaxing but Carol wonders if she is. She stands against one of the posts for a moment, opening her beer, before sitting down next to the woman but not too close. She hopes she’s the only one who can feel the tension in the air. It’s different than last time she was home.

“Long day, I take it?”

“Always.” 

Maria sighs with a short laugh, taking another sip. 

“But that’s the job. I’m sure you get it.”

Maria finishes, not sure if what she said sounded shady or not. It wasn’t meant to be. Or maybe it was, but it wasn’t coming from the part of her she was trying to show up as it. It was coming from the part she was burying inside of her.

“I do, but I also don’t. You have a lot to handle all the time. I’m happy I… can help, I guess.”

Carol wasn’t sure if that last part was a question or not. They both almost flinched at the word help. Carol was more than just a friend who liked to help. She was a parent and neither wanted her to take that away from herself just because of how long she had been away. Both decided not to say anything in the moment, though. They both just sipped their beers and looked out in front of them, gazing up and out at the world around them. Somehow, it felt bigger now that they were both on it together.

Maria thought about the box again, trying to keep it from her mind to no avail. She also thought about Carol’s skin grazing against hers in the kitchen earlier. She wondered if their contact would be minimal. Despite the late night and early morning they had shared, they hadn’t really touched or even been this close since. The first night never counted, that was their unspoken rule since the second time Carol had been home.

She was exhausted when she arrived, fighting to stay awake long enough to talk to both Rambeaus’ even though she wanted to so badly. It had been a particularly grueling mission and she had flown directly back to Earth after the conflict was over, not taking a break. So, when Maria offered to watch some TV with her on the couch, she sank quickly into the cushions. Before they knew it, they had woken up to the sun coming through the living room windows, curled into each other. Neither thought it was weird then, so why was it weird now? 

Carol thought about the box too, rereading the words from the letter in her mind again. Thinking about the pictures on Maria’s desk. Then she thought about the dream she had, with everyone sitting on the porch. She was so deep into replaying it that she almost jumped when a frog hopped by, startling both women from their respective day dreams.

“I think that’s the one Monica named after you.”

Carol laughed, remembering the day she had fondly.

“I’m flattered.”

Maria laughed back, the laugh jumping up her throat. It’s like she needed to laugh, after a long day of dealing with domestic and intergalactic bullshit, along with the mark Carol was burning into her brain.

It started to go quiet again until Carol spoke up, feeling the bubbles from the beer in her brain even if it wasn’t going to get her tipsy.

“You know, I dream about sitting on this porch a lot.” “Yeah?”

Maria asks, not looking at Carol.

“Yeah. With you and Mon. There’s always a shit ton of bubbles everywhere and it’s always a really nice day. I have that dream a lot. Except for when I’m actually here.”

Carol explained, partly relieved to share it with Maria. She leaned back, taking a sip before setting the beer down on the step next to her. She waited to see if Maria would answer, unsure if she wanted her to. 

Maria sat with a small smile, unsure if she would be able to keep herself composed through the moment. She dreams about home. 

“You know, when you first came back with your powers, I wondered if you still even needed to sleep.”

“Ha, you know I had the same thought when I realized I wasn’t actually half Kree. On the planet, I slept but I never felt tired. I only started to feel regular human things when I came back here. It was nice to feel sleepy again. It made rest feel satisfying, instead of just kind of necessary.”

Maria looked over at Carol, daring to meet eyes if she looked over too. She wanted to run a hand over the woman's thigh, comfort her for all the things she was sure were running through her mind. She wanted to reach out, pull her into her chest, and hold her there like a child. She wanted to rip all the pain of being conditioned and having to fight to undo it from her, stop it out on the ground and set it on fire for her. With a regular match, not fire from her hands even though sometimes she was convinced she could produce some magic power from her own hands too if she let herself feel enough. She hadn’t realized she had been staring and hadn’t responded until Carol finally turned to look at her. 

“I’m okay, you know. You don’t have to look at me like I’m gonna burst into flames any second. I’m okay, I feel normal being here.”

Carol smiled reassuringly, almost shyly.

“I know, I just hate those bastards.”

Maria sighed, letting her shoulders fall as she looked down at the space between them.

“I feel you. But, you know, someone once told me hate takes up too much room.”

Maria’s heart skipped a beat. Of course Carol would remember one of her wiser parables now, when all she wanted to do was be angry for her. It was usually the other way around, but despite her usual craziness, Carol always had a way of saying the right thing at the right time, even if she didn’t mean to. A superpowered space warrior was right two times a day, it seemed. She let herself laugh, but it came out rougher than she had expected. 

Carol reached over instinctively to grab her hand, squeezing it tight. That’s the second time. Maria thought, wondering if Carol was counting the times they touched too. She felt a dangerous warmth push its way to her chest. She would blame it on the beer like she always did but she couldn’t. Why was she on the verge of tears?

“Hey.” Carol whispered, trying to look at the woman’s face. She tried to smile, squeezing her hand again. This time, Maria squeezed back before pulling it away and picking her empty beer bottle up. 

“I think I’m gonna take a shower, long day, you know. If you wanna borrow some pajamas again, feel free to grab some from my dresser.”

Carol sat still for a moment, wondering if she had gone too far. Normally conversations like this would flow with ease and mutual fluidity. They would hang on each other’s every word until the inevitable came when the sun rose. Maria would wake Monica up to say goodbye, they’d share a cup or two of coffee and by the time the sun was almost at it’s peak, Carol would be long in the distance, no longer even in the atmosphere. So now, having more time than normal, she hoped she hadn’t over stepped. As Maria closed in on the door, only half a step before entering, Carol turned around to look at her.

“Where do you want me to sleep?”

Maria paused, not sure what to say. How did she communicate that she would rather pull her own hair out strand by strand than lay in her bed alone, without Carol Danvers, for another night? How did she explain that she didn’t want to sleep, she was tired in a way only Carol’s skin and fingers and mouth could heal her of? How did she communicate that this was her house too, and she could sleep wherever the fuck she wanted - on the roof if she pleased - as long as Maria could be next to her, without saying any of that?

“Wherever you feel comfortable.” She turned and smiled as best as she could before letting the screen door close behind her, trying to keep a normal pace as she made her way to the bathroom.

Carol sat on the steps for a few more minutes, giving Maria time to get her things for her shower ready and giving herself time to ponder what she should do. Should she sleep on the couch? Should she tell Maria that there’s no where in the universe more comfortable to her than next to her? Should she pretend she didn’t read the letter and see the pictures and hear what Monica said earlier? Should she just sleep on the god damn couch? Having not made up her mind yet, she wandered upstairs and pulled out an old teeshirt from one of the boxes she had been in earlier. She shivered when she looked at the box with the letter in it. She forced herself to focus, shuffling through to find anything appropriate to wear and pulled out some old PT shorts. They were certainly going to be shorter on her now than they were then, given she had put on some much needed muscle in certain areas but they’d have to do.

She felt too embarrassed to go through Maria’s drawer, wear her clothes and then awkwardly make her way to the couch downstairs, only to have to face her in the morning when breakfast time came. She didn’t feel right marking Maria’s belongings, even if they were just a bunch of holiday themed pajamas that she didn’t wear that often anyways. 

Carol decided to change as quickly as she could, and wait to say goodnight to Maria when she came in. She figured she should probably sleep on the couch, suddenly feeling very much like a guest who didn’t want to overstay their welcome. She switched out of her bottoms and underwear, jumping into the shorts she had found. They were snug but not uncomfortable. She took her shirt off quickly and as she began pulling her sports bra over her head, Maria walked in.

Shit.

Shit.

They both thought in unison. Thankfully, Carol’s back was to the door, so she pulled on the t shirt she found quickly while scolding herself for not paying attention enough to hear Maria coming down the hall. 

“S-sorry! I didn’t know you were in here yet. Didn’t see anything.” 

Maria assured, despite the fact that she was still staring at Carol’s once bare back while the woman folded up her clothes in a hurry. To Carol’s surprise, when she turned around, all she saw was Maria’s naked shoulders, moisturized perfectly, with a purple towel wrapped around her. She turned back around almost quicker than Maria could register. It was Carol’s turn to stutter.

“Oh shit, s-sorry! I didn’t see anything either! I didn’t hear you coming!”

Maria accidentally laughed.

“Don’t you have super hearing?”

“Shut up! It only works when you pay attention to it! I thought you were still in the shower. I’m surprised you were so fast, Lt. Trouble told me you use all the hot water.”

Carol quipped back confidently, although she was still turned around and suddenly felt very warm.

“Oh, Trouble indeed. What else did she tell you?”

“A bunch.” 

Carol responded with a smirk in her voice. She sounded like a middle schooler, again reminding Maria how alike her and Monica were. 

“I’m sure. You can turn around now, if you want.”

Carol turned to see Maria smoothing a big white shirt over her belly button, quickly covering up the top of her thighs that were barely covered by the blue boy shorts she was wearing underneath. Carol stared down at the clothes in her hands trying not to seem as anxious as she was. She bent down to pick up the black pair of underwear and a sock she had dropped when she heard Maria chuckle.

“HA! What the hell are you wearing? Are those PT shorts? And does your underwear say Danvers? You still do that?” 

She was practically giggling at this point, a sound that sprung butterflies up in Carol’s stomach. It also taunted her, leaving her no choice but to rebuttal. 

“Listen man! I’m working with what I got! And no, I don’t still write my name in my underwear. I got these from the box of my old clothes.” 

Carol quipped, but found herself almost giggling too. She would’ve found it funny if Maria had on PT shorts from bootcamp too. 

“Whew. That is hilarious, Danvers.”

Maria breathes out, barely recovering from her fit of laughter at Carol’s expense. 

“Oh yeah, I’m flattered!”

She rolled her eyes playfully at Maria. They both sat down on the bed trying to collect themselves, both feeling lighter than before by a small margin.

After a few moments, Maria broke the impending silence before it could secure itself between them.

“Seems like you an Mon’ had a good day. Hopefully she didn’t give you too much trouble for one day.”

“Nah, it wasn’t too bad at all. She did whoop my ass in pretty much every game you guys own though.”

Carol smiled to herself. Maria fought hard to avoid bringing up the board game and the dice again. She quickly found a new topic to latch onto.

“You know, I must say, you also really did a great job not burning the place down with all that cooking you were doing. Are the aliens teaching you how to handle a kitchen or have you been practicing?”

She laughs, almost forced but she was actually impressed.

“Mmm. Id say it was pure dumb luck, but I’m gonna try to replicate it tomorrow.” 

Carol chuckles, not knowing that the mention of tomorrow was sending Maria’s heart into a frenzy. Silence weasled it’s way back between them for a few moments, although Carol didn’t pick up on it as much this time. It wasn’t until Maria broke it again that she realized it was her turn to figure out how to not let it freeze the warm air between them.

“So, there’s a tomorrow?” 

Maria asked timidly, not wanting to latch too tightly onto the idea that Carol might be staying for longer than coffee in the morning.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll be here tomorrow. I wanna try my hand at making waffles this time.”

Carol tries to cut the returned tension she felt. 

“I was thinking about working on my old car in the garage too, if that’s okay with you of course.”

“Yeah, of course. You know you don’t have to ask. This is your house, too. And it’s literally your car.”

Your house, too. Carol reached into the pocket of the pants she had on earlier, pulling out two colorful dice. She rolled them around in her hand for a second. 

“Yeah?”

She said, turning to finally face the woman sitting once again a bit too far away from her. The feeling of being a guest in her own home no longer sat in her chest. She allowed her eyes to make their way up Maria’s frame before meeting her eyes. Carol felt her hand move towards the woman, who was now looking down at one of the die in her non moving hand. Maria was almost terrified to meet her gaze, breath caught in her throat. Carol felt their hands connect, dropping the other die in her hand before closing her fingers around Maria’s. The woman next to her squeezed tight, almost too tight even for the superhero. 

Maria finally met Carol’s eyes with her own, finally releasing her breath, allowing her chest to move. 

“Yeah.” 

She said softly, almost too soft to hear but just enough for Carol. They both looked like they might burst into tears, both of them having to break eye contact but refusing to release each other from their grip. Third time, Maria counted in her blurring mind. She suddenly felt like all she could hear was her own heartbeat and Carol’s breath. They were close again, it was all she needed. She needed to feel Carol’s skin, know she was real. Know she wouldn’t let go.

Carol struggling against her own breath, finally let the desperation sitting inside of her take control. 

“What’re we doing, ‘Ri?”

She asked, in almost a whisper. She heard Maria’s breath get choked in her throat, just like she had earlier in the kitchen with Monica. She was still worried that she might have pushed too far too fast, but she needed something. Anything Maria could give her. An answer, a rejection, anything. She couldn’t sit still in the stifled confusion much longer, she feared she might actually implode. She waited, listening to Maria’s breathing. In and out, in and out. Like she was trying to quietly catch her breath. She heard her heart beat, it matched her own. Like they could beat out of their chests and find the other heart. Like they needed to be pressed together. So, Carol did just that. Finally listening to what her body was telling her. Hoping it wouldn’t be the wrong thing.

Just as Maria tried to whisper I don’t know, she let go of Maria’s hand and pulled her in, chest to chest, nestling her face in Maria’s shoulder. Maria whimpered, almost in shock. It took her almost 10 seconds to return the embrace, finally crushing into Carol the way she needed to. She knelt her face in the warmth of Carol’s neck, creating a tsunami in Carol from the graze of her lips against the side of her neck alone. They made themselves impossibly close, quieting the sounds of the world and honing in on each other’s heart beats. They took in each other’s scent, filling their lungs with the air surrounding each other. They let their hair tickle each other, finding comfort in the familiar feeling of Blackness around them. They rocked into each other to a rhythm that was so natural it almost felt like part of breathing. Finally, Maria let it drop.

A single tear rolled down Carol’s shoulder, sliding down as far as it could carry itself. Maria choked back what was sure to be her own tsunami.

“Mar-”

“I miss you. -- I miss you I m-iss you I miss you.”

She whispered with a drawn out sob. It was so quiet, it felt tragic to them both. 

Carol was silent, letting the woman release whatever she was ready to, feeling her chest heave with the impatience to relieve itself from the pent up emotions. She felt the woman in her arms shake softly, trying to fight back anything she convinced herself was a weakness. She had things to do, a person to be, a child to raise. She couldn’t let the grief get her again. But it was always there, maybe even more now in some ways. She hadn’t let this happen in so long, and the weight of pretending had pushed her to the edge of herself. She was the strongest woman in the world, and it was because she was soft. 

Carol struggled against her own tears, trying not to let them come so that she wouldn’t center her own pain in the moment. They were both too similar for their own good. She listened to Maria’s body pull the words up her throat and out her mouth, betraying her as they saved her from the pit she kept forcing herself into.

“I miss you ss-so much.” She repeated several times over. Like it was the only language she spoke. Eventually, she stopped, letting her fingers relax from gripping into Carol’s skin as tight as she could. She leaned into Carol more, feeling the weight of her body’s exhaustion mix with that of her mind. Carol let her, holding her firm but gentle. She lifted the woman up just as effortlessly as she did Monica, and carried her to her side of the bed, never moving her face from her shoulder. She laid her and herself down, sliding easily over top of her until she was on her side, careful not to put any weight on Maria’s body. She pulled the cover over them, that being the only time her hand left Maria’s body. She cradled the soft woman, giving her all of herself. She rocked her gently, counting her heart beats. 

As Maria’s breath finally got slower and deeper, she knew she would be asleep soon. Maria didn’t want to sleep but she needed it. Carol needed it to. They stuck to each other like glue, once again paying no mind to the heat stuck between them. Carol whispered back, finally.

“I miss you too.”

She felt Maria squeeze her tighter, then release and finally relax her body all the way. 

No more sniffles, no more sounds, just the weightless feeling of being together. It was easy again, for the moment. Carol rubbed her thumb lightly over Maria’s back, comforting them both enough to rest. She let the thoughts she had been fighting release from the walls of her mind, daring to look at them. She thought about the night in the lake, laying in the sand. She thought about the night before she left for a new base, with no idea when they’d be together again. She thought about the first time she came home, the gentle uncertainty between them melting away like it always did - no matter how much still needed to be figured out. She wasn’t sure how much progress had been made, but she knew that this is where she needed to be. As she finally let herself drift off to sleep, knowing that Maria was alright enough now, she knew she wouldn’t dream. She released herself to the peace of belonging, only to be startled one more time.

“Don’t you even think about leaving until you finish that car.” 

Maria commanded, even in her softest state. Carol smiled, feeling even more in place now.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

[helluvashitposter]

This is the first time I'm gonna get in on reviewing the new Helluva boss episode because this was the one I was most excited for! But before I do that, I'm saying it now:

I saw a lot of negative reviews were focused around the Ozzie texts between Stolas and Blitzo and well...I'm sorry guys but my main focus is on THIS MAN RIGHT HERE

So without further a dooooooooo...

I honestly enjoyed Striker in this episode! I love seeing a wackier side of him and not just edgy edge lord, low voice, "I'm gonna eat your kids" through the whole episode. I understand why some people were super disappointed in him not being as threatening as he was in the first episode, but hey. This is a cartoon about dumb demons and sex, I try not to take it too seriously already! (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠)

(I also wanna say this now, I was also one of the people taken back by the change in voice actors, but I ain't even gonna let that bother me too much: I know folks like Norman are gonna be mighty expensive or too busy to keep around. As sad as it is, if I can get used to Stolas new voice, I can do the same for this one as long as it means more Strike!)

Speaking of Striker, the main criticism I keep seeing is that he was too egotistical, and because of that statue everyone is just saying he was another Chaz. But I honestly don't get this one?

Striker was ALWAYS just as entitled and self centered in the first episode: Did we forget this man literally made a song all about how awesome he is (That didn't even rhyme) And his speech to Blitz where he talked about how he was above the imps? The statue seems pretty in character for him! Striker has always sucked his own dick, maybe it was a little overzealous but definitely not enough for me to say he was just a full blown Chaz!

Plus, that man still took his job pretty damn serious! Never once was Striker incompetent or a dumbass in this episode. He knew his mission and he was damn malicious about, I mean if you gonna try to tell me this man wasn't just as bloodthirsty as he was last time-

This man has never once hesitated to hurt anyone who gets in his way or just for the fun of it and I think it still shows greatly here!

All and all, I have to disagree with everyone saying his character was "ruined" or "too Chaz like" Striker definitely did not spend the episode going on and on about how his dick is the biggest or how everyone wants to fuck him like Chaz would. (R.i.p Chaz, I love you sweetie!) As left field as the statue was, it definitely didn't steal from the fact that this man was once again determined to finish his job. Which got taken away from him by Stella at the last minute, which he was super bummed about, but he does get paid extra soooo! 🎉🎉🎉

(Full disclaimer: I didn't really care for the Stella part of the episode, I do like the voice actor for snowy owl though. But overall they really were just there...it's really hard to say anything about it other than the fact that she didn't want Stolas killed sooooo (⁠＠⁠_⁠＠⁠;⁠))

Now for the big stuff: The pacing.

I have to say...I do have to agree with everyone when they say the pacing was all over the place. I have to admit: With all the trailers that we were getting, I was expecting this bad boy to be long as hell! At least a good 25 to 30 minutes because we were getting all kinds of things! But man...

Even though the little vet visit was funny, and I am a huge fan of that cute lil goat doctor, it did take away from the actual tension. I came here for badass Striker! And not to mention M&M barely got time to shine as well! The pacing really was just:

BOOM! STRIKER KIDNAPPED STOLAS--

Loona scared of vet 🥺

BAM! MOXXIE AND MILLIE ARE GONNA TAKE ON STRIKER BY THEMSELVES, OOOOOO POWER COUPLE--

Blitz and Karen yell at each other 🤬

RAAAAAH, STRIKER STABBY STOLAS, MILLIE AND MOXXIE CRASH THROUGH ROOF THOUGH, IT'S TIME FOR THE MOST EPIC FIGHT--

Loona got her shot 😊

I feel like we totally got robbed on a much more epic fight and some shades thrown from M&M and Striker, especially when it was a highlight of the trailer! These two being able to properly settle a score with Striker would have really made for such an amazing tension scene since they were the main ones who were affected by him in the first episode. LIKE GUYS, LET MOX AND MILL SHINE WHEN BLITZO ISN'T AROUND, I BEG YOU! THEY'RE AMAZING TOO!! 😭

I will stand by everyone when they say: WE NEED MORE MILLIE DAMNIT!

The ending with Stolas definitely tugged at my heart strings, I won't lie! But again, I'm not here for the Stolitz angst, I was just here to see Strikey boy. WHO DIDN'T DIE, SO YES! TAKE THAT TWITTER!!! MY BOY GETS TO HUNT ANOTHER DAY, AND NOT ONCE DID HE GET HIT BY A TRAIN, IN FACT HE APPARENTLY LOVES THEM SO HA!!

All and all, I will say Harvest moon was peek Striker. It's gonna be hard to ever top that, Norman Striker will forever be missed! But at the end of the day, I did enjoy seeing my favorite cowboy again, and there's apparently some more lore behind him as well that we'll hopefully get to see in the later seasons. I'm just glad I can easily sleep tonight knowing that he wasn't just killed off in the second episode we get him in! 🙏

So it was a good time all around! Especially watching it with my favorite person 💕