#man i was going insane during the beginning of book 7 release

[fruixtii]

I WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY OLD PLANNER AND FOUND THIS LMAOO

[piratewithvigor]

How I listen to each of my favourite bands (a bullet point piece)

Aerosmith: They're on the radio. It's the fifth time today. Somehow never the same song. Until tomorrow, anyway. One will make you homesick. One will make you sit in slack-jawed awe of Joe Perry. One will make you curse the day he was born. They all make you love him. In the back of your mind, your thumbs hurt.

The Beatles: You have all the studio albums on your iPod nano with the scroll wheel. It has 2GB of space, so there's nothing else. You sing along to the songs with your best friend in 7th grade during school. The teacher tells you to keep it French or to shut up. You switch to "Michelle" because you're 12 and a smartass.

Bon Jovi: You're on the bus home from a long day of fifth grade. When you get home, the same old, same old. You don't know it yet but this is the beginning of your depression. As you graduate from Crossroads to a 2-Disc Best Of, everything feels worse. You work on a puzzle in the basement and even though maybe no one will ever love you, Bon Jovi understands.

Buddy Holly: For the first time since high school started, you have a friend. She's wonderful and she understands you. Maybe there's 3 time zones between you, but it doesn't stop you from digging a hole deep into a fantasy world that you live in for months with her. Buddy's music is simple and the records are bright yellow. Maybe everything will be okay.

David Bowie: You didn't care when he died. You didn't know better. You got a CD of greatest hits for your birthday two months later. You still didn't understand the fuss all too well. A few tracks pop out at you and you get the album that features them. Dad insists you listen to the album in the dark on the floor (he doesn't say while smoking weed, but if it were the 70s, you would have). Finally you understand: David understands you.

Def Leppard: You're 13 and trying to find your place in the world. Trying to make a name, so you write. As the characters who make no sense are fleshed out in 1667 words every single day, the drum loop that finished Pyromania follows you around.

The Doors: You don't know how Jim Morrison came into your life. Maybe it was by an experiment gone wrong or a curiosity. Your classmates question why you're reading a book with a shirtless man posed as if being crucified. You don't know how to answer that you think you might be him. You hadn't believed in reincarnation, but he sparked something inside you. You can feel consciousness slip away when he plays his game called 'Go Insane'. You hold a Celebration Of The Lizard for a poetry slam and the adrenaline pushes you through your fear. You feel Jim's words in your actions for years. He watches you when you sleep.

GNR: You send your siblings out of the basement. They aren't old enough to hear swear words in music and you want to listen to Appetite in the dark. You want to jump on top of the couch and punch the floor. You can feel Axl's anger and it courses through you.

Journey: You've been told you look like Steve Perry. You aren't sure if it's a compliment or an insult. You think you sound like him. You know all the words to Don't Stop Believing at the school dance. Your first memory of your boyfriend was him singing it at the talent show. Your last memory of him is singing I'll Be Alright Without You, severing the final tie. Wheel In The Sky opens your next day. Things don't feel okay anymore.

KISS: You're 4 years old and your Dad is watching the scariest freaks you've ever seen on the TV. In the next scene, the scariest one is sitting and talking to people who look like your grandparents. You forget about them for 7 years. They show up again in your newest hyperfixation and you give them a chance. The freaks who once scared you strip away your fears and set you free.

Led Zeppelin: Your imagination was just opened to the possibilities of stories beyond the realms of reality. What you thought you never knew opened you to a new layer of your past that you didn't understand. The tendrils of influence wrap around every part of your future.

Motley Crue: The writings paint them as the villains. In many ways, they are. In just as many ways, they're the same scared kids you are. For better or for worse, they bring you into a community. There, you experiment hurting yourself in ways therapists don't look for. The greatest friend you could ever want.

Ninja Sex Party: They're a rock band for kids who don't understand rock bands. You have no physical media for them and it feels like you may never get the chance. Copies are limited. So your spotify is thick with every song they've ever recorded. They're fleeting and they're your rock.

Queen: You know just a little too much about them. They're bigger characters than the radio lets them be. You love Bohemian Rhapsody before you begin to hate it before you learn to love it once more.

Rammstein: As they bleed for their art, so you bleed for yours. Perhaps out of spite, perhaps out of desperation, but plague cuts your work short. It cuts you from the glory you could have had. The first album you've ever waited for the release of by a band.

Reckless Love: Never before has a band felt so attainable and yet so far away. Your family doesn't understand them, so you hide them away. The only recklessness was falling in love.

Rolling Stones: Angie helped you through more than you know. The lips are on your tapestry for a reason. You were blind for so much for so long. You never gave them a chance. They're using their chance now.

Rush: Once shrugged-off nobodies. You gave them a chance out of curiosity and desperation. Now you can't understand the possibility of never having liked them. They brought you your first great grief and your first proof of miracles. The red star of the solar federation burns bright. Assume control.

Styx: You're standing in the snow. The bus is an hour late. You can't contact your parents because they took your one method of contact as a punishment for not making your bed. You're listening to a Greatest Hits on your iPod. Crystal Ball. It's an hour. Blue Collar Man. You get home and no one noticed you were late. They're eating without you. Suite Madam Blue.

Tom Petty: The news hits you. Your throat is blocked and you don't say anything. You listen to I Won't Back Down before telling your Dad. He was the first you experienced while being a fan. He wasn't the last. You torture yourself artistically in his honour. You attend a tribute concert and scream yourself hoarse.

Tuff: You want to leave home and block out all the memories as best you can. Stevie makes it impossible. But he's also one of the only ones there as all your best friends who aren't online forget your birthday. He acknowledges you.

Van Halen: The grief is insurmountable. For weeks afterwards, Eruption makes your heart sink. 5150 makes you cry instead of imagine pleasant nonsense as it once did. There is no comfort. If he can go, what's stopping anyone else?

The Who: Maybe they got to your head a little. You were sitting in a room in school for hours each day, completely alone except for Tommy playing on your tiny laptop. No supervision. No classmates. Just your monstrosity of a project and Tommy.

[dontshootmespence]

Through It All

Part 30

Summary: Now married, Spencer & Y/N navigate the D/s lifestyle. How will their relationship change?

Words: 1,013

Warnings: BABY TIME! That shit is hard.

A/N: Just fluffy stuffs, my friends.

Morgan Diana Reid and Blake Xing Reid enter the world at 7:37 and 7:41 AM respectively. Morgan is five and a half pounds exactly and 18 inches long. Blake is 18 inches and clocks in at just over five pounds. They’re beautiful. Perfect. They have Ai’s full head of hair and Kyle’s nose and mouth.  

Ai is a champion. She had them both naturally (though you still contend there’s nothing natural about a bowling ball popping out of a vagina). Shortly after they were born, she passed out from exhaustion and slept for nearly 13 hours, which meant you and Spencer were thrown into the fire right from the frying pan. Honestly, it all goes by too fast to truly enjoy, but you know you’ll remember those little moments, just watching as Morgan opens her eyes or Blake moves his fingers.

Before you leave the hospital with them after about five days, you allow Ai time alone with them. It breaks your heart to hear her sobbing on the other side of the door.  “Mommy and Daddy couldn’t give you the life you deserve right now, but we’ll always love you.” When you hear that you stifle a choked sob into Spencer’s chest and subsequently promise Ai and Kyle that they’ll always have a place in your family.

And then the insanity begins.

You thought it was hard with Charlotte.

Now there’s two.

TWO.

And Charlotte.

Sleep is non-existent. Maybe an hour at a time at the most. You cry about as often as Morgan and Blake do, which is a whole hell of a lot. Even Spencer breaks every now and then. But they grow so fast. Almost too fast if you’re being honest. Their cheeks get chubbier. They move more. Limbs flying as fast as a cheetah despite being about 30 times as helpless.

Sex? Even more non-existent than sleep.

It’s harder because everything is doubled, but you also have more of an inkling when things go wrong, when they’re sick, when things need to be done. Instead of wondering what each kind of sound means, you know, and you can react accordingly, so you don’t feel as much of a fish out of water as you did last time.

Right now, your fun entails sitting still on the couch with one of the babies on your chest while Spencer sits beside you with the other. Charlotte is taking one of her now rare naps at Spencer’s side. Both of you have to pee but Charlotte, Morgan and Blake are all content and it feels like you’re playing with fire if you dare to move.

Charlotte is the most amazing big sister. She insists they be included in reading time, so when their crying allows, you bring them into Charlotte’s room for storytime at night. She’s even tried to help you change a diaper but ran away when she realized it was stinky. And man are they stinky. Newborn poop is something else. Otherworldly.

During the first three weeks, you shower about five times in total. Your legs are hair as hell. Shaving takes too much time. And even though your weight is pretty stable, you still feel gross. Hygiene takes time and you don’t have it until about a month after they come home.

You’ve managed to get them on a similar schedule so they wake up and go to sleep within a few minutes of each other. Thank the gods Spencer did some research on how to sync up their schedules before they were born otherwise you’d be fucked.

Once they’re down for the night and Charlotte’s been read to (she’s very obsessed with the one about the two princesses that fall in love right now), you sink into bed beside the man you love. “I think we’ve got about two hours before they wake up again,” you say, mouth stretching out into a yawn. “Talk to me before we fall asleep. I feel like we haven’t spoken in 10 years.”

Chuckling, Spencer rubs his hand up and down your arm. “We haven’t even known each other ten years.”

“Feels like forever.”

“Yea, it does,” He sighs happily. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything. Just talk to me. Give me stats.”

He pulls you into his lap and combs his hand through your hair. “Luckily, that’s my specialty. Okay, so listen to this-” Even through he can barely keep his eyes open you can hear the excitement in his voice. “Women with a higher body mass index are more likely to conceive twins. Obviously Ai is one of the exceptions. Anyway, higher body fat levels mean higher levels of estrogen which can cause the ovaries to release more than one egg at a time.

“Is that why it’s so hard for women to lose weight too?” You ask, annoyance tinging your sleep-deprived voice. “Like our bodies are holding on to fat because baby making?”

“Exactly. It’s bullshit, I know.”

He continues on, saying something about twins creating their own language, which you hope happens because that would be fascinating to watch. And then he talks about how twins can actually have different fathers, though it’s rare. You want to keep listening, but you drift off to sleep in his arms, only for you both to be rudely awakened by your screeching twins two hours later.

---

A week passes and Charlotte’s terrible twos get a little worse, but you and Spencer realize quickly that it's because she hasn’t been getting enough attention, so you actively try to remedy that.

While Spencer is taking care of the babies’ feeding, you play with Charlotte. She’s getting into playing pretend now, so she’s using two dolls to reenact her two princesses book. You’re merely an audience member, but Charlotte needs to tell the story. As the days go by, you make sure one of you is taking care of the babies while the other handles Charlotte. Again, it feels like you and Spencer don’t speak for ages.

But you got through it once before, right?

It’ll just take time.

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[wykart]

Does it Matter (It’s Klaus)

Part 2 of Fifty-one years (and one day) later (read on ao3)

Summary: The truth comes out, and Klaus must come to grips with the fact that his entire life of happiness with Dave was taken away by his own brother.

Chapter 5: Playing on (chpt. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5)

1 day, 17 hours

Vanya was in the hospital waiting room when Diego found her. She was on edge, playing the events of the previous night over and over in her head. That anger, that fear, building and building as the noise of the engine rattled and roared, consuming her, filling her with energy and then... spilling over. Surging out in a tidal wave. She wished she had her pills, something to take away the tumultuous emotions she was feeling, the guilt, the fear, her shameful sense of pride at what she was, what she’d been all along. Special. She wished she could make it stop.

“Vanya!” She turned to see him, Diego, jogging down the hall in that ridiculous vigilante get up. What the hell was he doing here? “Are you okay, did he hurt you?”

He sounded out of breath, and scared. It wasn’t often that her brother showed fear. “I’m fine.” She said, taken aback. “Diego, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Allison and I were on our way to get you when I picked up the report on my radio, something about an attack at a bar close by, the description sounded like you so I came right away. We have to get you back to the academy, now.”

“W-wait a minute, why were you coming to get me? You guys didn’t want anything to do with me yesterday.”

“Yeah well, that was before we found out your boyfriend is a psycho murderer.”

“What!” She exclaimed. Then it all made sense. Allison was trying to play big sister again, and now she’d roped in her over-protective brothers as well. “Is Allison the one doing this? She needs to get off my case, god I can’t believe you guys.”

Diego looked puzzled. “You mean, he hasn’t hurt you or anything?”

“No, of course not. He was just taking me out on a trip to the lake. We went out for dinner last night and got jumped by some crazies and…” She didn’t know what to tell him. There was no denying it now, though, she had power, power that she didn’t understand let alone know how to control.

“But the police report said two of them were dead. You telling me that wasn’t him?”

“No it was... I don’t remember okay. But I’m fine, I don’t need to go back to the city. I need to stay with Leonard, he hasn’t woken up yet and I…” She trailed off, glancing over her shoulder in the direction of his room.

“Vanya, look.” Diego held out a file brimming with paperwork, stamped with the name Harold Jenkins. Skeptical at first, she took a closer look. It was Leonard, he’d been released from prison just a few months ago.

Diego went on to tell her about what they’d found in his house. The old umbrella academy memorabilia, scratched out eyes, melted heads. All the while, Vanya could feel that power building inside her, and she struggled to keep it pushed down. The rows of fluorescent lights on the ceiling flickered and faltered, dimming the clinical white of the hospital hall. The air felt heavy, alive, answering to her emotions. “We thought he was going to hurt you,” Diego continued, "and Five says that this guy right here,” he pointed at Leonard’s unflattering mugshot, “is going to cause the apocalypse.”

“Ok but Five is-“ She felt awful saying it. When they were kids, they’d tell each other everything, but what Five had confided in her that night had been, well, insane. “He’s deranged. He says he’s been alone for nearly fifty years, and he’s clearly not himself right now.”

“I know it’s difficult to believe, but you’ve missed a lot these past few days.”

“Right, and who’s fault is that? I’m the one who’s a liability.”

“Look,” he smirked, averting her gaze, “I’m sorry Vanya, but you need to trust me now. Allison is back at Jenkins’ grandma’s house, we split up to try and find you. You should head there right away, I’ve got something I need to do.” Diego looked off in the direction that Vanya had glanced over at earlier. She wondered what he was thinking of doing.

“Where’s Five now?”

“He said he’d meet us here with Klaus and Luther, but I don’t think they expected us to find you so fast. I’ll tell them to hold off if they haven’t left yet, save them the trouble. There a phone somewhere here?” She pointed him towards the wall-mounted landline just outside the waiting room. He went over and dialled the number of the academy while Vanya stood against the wall, trying to catch her breath. She clutched the police file in her hand, the grainy mug shot of the man she’d been coming to love clipped to the front. Harold Jenkins... she couldn’t believe it. Even if he was a murderer, he’d been thirteen, that didn’t mean he still wanted to hurt people now. It made sense for him to want a fresh start after all that. She herself had often wondered if she should shed the Hargreeves name, given the infamy and memories, associated with it.

Vanya heard a deep, muffled voice on the other end - Luther. She couldn’t make out what he was saying. “Five? What about him,” Diego muttered, “shit.”

The urgency in his voice piqued Vanya’s attention. “What? What is it?” She leant closer to the receiver and managed to make out Luther’s words.

“Is that Vanya?” He asked.

“Yeah, we got her, she’s safe.”

“Thank god,” he sighed.

“We’ll be there soon, okay big guy? Mom knows her stuff, he’ll be fine.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, “just be here, okay?” Diego hung up, and turned to see Vanya looking at him with wide, incredulous eyes.

“It’s Five,” he said, already barging past her. “He’s hurt, b-bad.”

“Shit. What happened?” She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him again, despite how strange and distant he’d been since he’d come back.

“I don’t know, Luther didn’t say but I’ll bet it has something to do with this incoming apocalypse.” His movements were rapid, pacing and twitching around on the spot. He was worried. “I’m going to get Allison from the house and we’re going back to the academy. You’re coming too.” There was no arguing with him, she realised. But she was still going to try.

“I’m not just going to leave Leonard here!”

“Harold.” He reminded her, impatient.

“I don’t care! He’s... I...”

“You what.” I love him. She couldn’t bring herself to say it. “Listen, you don’t think he was trying to use you to get close to us? He wants us dead, Vanya, all of us. He doesn’t love you.” She whimpered, and for a moment Diego looked like he might apologise, then his mouth hardened into a line and he clapped her on the shoulder. “Come on, Five needs us.”

…

They caught a taxi up to the house, which Vanya had to pay for. Despite all his conspicuous pockets, Diego only seemed to carry knives. Allison came running out of the house as the taxi pulled up the driveway, and she tackled Vanya with a force almost enough to knock her over as Allison pulled her into a hug.

“Oh Vanya, I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Err, thanks Allison. I’m fine, though, you don’t have to –“ she pulled back from her sister’s embrace, giving her an awkward pat on the shoulder.

“We need to get going, now,” Diego muttered, clambering out of the taxi. He gave the driver a dismissive wave, and he started pulling out of the driveway, looking bewildered. “Five’s hurt.”

“What!” Allison cried, over-acting as always. She nodded, composing herself. “Well I’ve found something too,” she pulled a familiar red book out from behind her. “Dad’s journal.”

“What the hell was it doing here?” Vanya asked, but she already knew. Just another nail in the coffin. Leonard had been using her, and the one thing in her life she thought was her own, had really been about the umbrella academy. It was always about the umbrella academy.

“So he was reading up on us, getting to know our weaknesses.” He glared at Vanya, “between this and your autobiography he’d have quite the arsenal.”

Allison shot him a dangerous look. “We can work all this out in the car, we need to get back to the academy.’

As the other two moved towards the vehicle, Vanya remembered something. “Wait,” she called, “I need my violin.”

“Already in the trunk,” Allison smiled, “let’s go.”

…

Vanya sat in the backseat on the ride back to the city, during which Diego and Allison were uncharacteristically quiet. She poured over the pages of her father’s journal, that elongated, scrawled hand of his. He was always scribbling in this book, writing down times during her sibling’s exercises, taking measurements, scrawling notes about observations from his latest experiments. She wasn’t featured on many of the pages, which was to be expected, of course, but at the beginning of the book, the notes that were taken early in her childhood, many of her father’s entries were entitled ‘Number 7.’

June 5th, 1990

Number 7 may be responsible for some low-level phenomena. Minute changes in temperature and malfunctioning electrical appliances. Strong aversion to noisy environments. She is the first of the subjects to show any promise.

Ever since she was a child, and she’d been the most “promising” of them all.

July 23rd, 1992

Incredible, simply incredible! Number 7 continues to show heightened brain function and response to audio stimulus. Her potential is unmatched by that of the other subjects –

She kept on flicking through, not knowing how to feel. All her life, she’d been lied to. Was she really that dangerous?

October 2nd, 1993

Number 7 continues to excel in her training, though her childish temperament is less than ideal. She is beginning to understand and hone her powers, using them for her personal gain. It is only natural, but if I cannot contain her, she may prove… problematic.

October 4th, 1994

That’s the third one dead this week. The hiring agency is beginning to ask questions, and I fear that it’s only a matter of time before the girl turns on me as well. She has little interest in my guidance, and the child is unruly, distant, even among her siblings.

She was a killer, ever since she was four years old… she shuddered to think of what she was capable of now. She’d only been off her medication for a few days, and already she felt this power deeply-rooted inside her, laying dormant all these years. It was hungry.

January 12th, 1995

I have constructed a chamber that renders Number 7 powerless. The environment causes the girl much discomfort. The disconnect from her abilities makes her agitated and sickly. Her power is too great for me to contain. I have been developing a counter measure, a medication that should help to level her head – thought it will have side-effects.

She’d been living with those effects as long as she could remember. That feeling like the world was moving too fast, the numbness in her brain, the exhaustion, the quiet misery she never quite understood… it was because a part of her was missing.

September 7th, 1995

Number 7 has been sedated these past few months, and so far has shown no sign of her usual abilities. She is far quieter now, subdued. It may become necessary to increase her dosage as she develops. I must keep the girl, though she will likely be of no further use to me. I must be watchful of her, in the hands of others her power could be let loose, and the results could be… cataclysmic.

The passage was circled in red marker. Leonard.

October 1st, 1999

Without her powers, Number 7 has no discernable talents. Some enthusiasm for music, but mediocre skill – can barely even hobble through a Paganini caprice. Utterly useless.

And that was it, the final entry, after four years of silence. Vanya felt tears sting her eyes. She hadn’t noticed it as she’d been reading, but the sky outside had turned from sunny blue to grey. Rain was trickling down, spotting the windows with clear droplets, as did the tears on her cheeks. Leonard, Harold – she reminded herself – had planned to use her like some sort of weapon, and she’d fallen for it. Who knows what would have happened if Diego hadn’t found her when he did, before Harold had a chance to whisk her away again. She had to talk to Five, he’d know what to do, he always did.

…

1 day, 16 hours

“Five, oh god, Five!” She yelled, seeing him laying there, it kicked her mind into high-gear.  He looked so small on the surgical bed, flesh blue and swollen. Grace stood beside him, a crisp apron strung around her waist, and a tray of intricate metal tools balanced on one of her arms.

She smiled, despite the situation. “Hello there, Vanya, so lovely to see you.”

“Is he gonna be okay?” She stood over him, trying to see whether his chest was rising and falling, if only gently.

“He’ll make it,” Grace said, suddenly sombre.

“Oh thank god.” She whispered, sitting down in a plastic chair beside the bed, head in her hands. Luther was standing awkwardly in the corner of the room, head down. Allison stepped over to stand behind Vanya and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Who the hell did this to him?” Diego asked, “those psychopaths that attacked the house?”

“I, err,” Luther muttered, shuffling from foot to foot. “Five said that it was… Klaus.”

“Excuse me?” Allison said, glaring over at him.

“I’m not sure if that’s what he meant, but just before he collapsed at the doorstep, I asked him who did this to him and he said it was Klaus.”

“How the hell did Klaus do this? He can’t even walk in a straight line, and his arms are like noodles!”

“Yes Diego,” Allison sighed, “we know you work out.”

“All I’m saying is, maybe he got attacked on the way there, or maybe it was a trap.”

“He went to talk to Klaus, who was already pissed with him, and for good reason too. It makes sense.”

Diego scoffed, “It doesn’t make any sense,” he hissed, “Klaus wouldn’t do this.”

“Grace says he should be awake soon, we can ask him then.” Luther said, trying to keep everyone calm. Grace perked up at the sound of her name, looking between them with that vacant smile.

“You’ve done a great job, Mom,” Diego grinned, his voice soft all of a sudden. “Five would’ve died without your help.” Grace smiled lovingly.

“Can we really believe what he says, I mean, he killed an innocent man, a man that Klaus loved. Should we really be on his side here?” Allison asked. It was something they’d all been trying not to think about; what Five had done. He kept on telling them that he’d changed during his decades alone, that he’d killed countless people, but it was all so easy to ignore when he looked the way that he did, like their kid brother.

“There aren’t any sides here, we’re family, and we’re going to help one another.” Luther said, trying his best to keep the peace.

Vanya wasn’t following the conversation at all, but she was used to that sort of treatment when among her siblings. Out of the loop, never included. She gasped, however, as she saw Five’s eyes flicker open.

“Anyone care what I have to say about this?” He muttered, voice groggy and heavy in his throat.

Vanya seemed to be the only one that was genuinely pleased. Diego only looked relieved for a moment, before he donned his signature scowl. “Not really, no.”

Five rolled his eyes. He tried to sit up but the attempted action made his vision swim before him. He decided against it. “Fair enough,” he grumbled, "did you kill Harold Jenkins?”

“Wait, what!” Vanya interjected, looking at Five in shock.

“Oh,” he smiled, "hi Vanya. So yeah, did you kill him or not?”

Diego looked down at the floor. “No,” he murmured, resembling a kid caught in the act of some trivial transgression.

“Diego!” Allison cried.

“I thought getting here was a little more important, Luther made it sound like Five was dying!”

“I was,” he muttered, "but that’s no excuse, I’ll remind you we’re talking about the fate of the world here.”

"I – I might know something about that, actually.” Vanya said, softly. “I think that I… I have powers.”

The others hesitated for a moment, and Vanya was afraid that they were going to laugh. “Oh, come on,” Diego sighed, putting a hand to his brow. Luther gave her an awkward smile, and Allison gave her shoulder a sympathetic pat.

“Hey, let her finish,” Five snapped. He turned his eyes to her (still being unable to turn his head).

“I was reading Dad’s journal in the car and,” she looked over at Five, unsure of whether to continue. They were all staring, it was difficult to form words. He gave an encouraging, minute nod. “It said that I had powers all along, but they were too dangerous so he… the pills… they’re meant to stop them.”

“You’re serious?” Luther asked.

She nodded, staring down at the floor. “It’s not just that. I’ve been off my meds these past few days and weird stuff has started happening. I feel different, for a start. I got angry at you all and the lamp posts on the street started bending, I think I can control the weather and… last night…”

Diego was looking at her, wide-eyed. “You killed those guys?”

“I – I didn’t mean to,” she stammered. She looked around at the others, hoping she wouldn’t find fear, or disbelief. “they were attacking me and… him.” She couldn’t say his name.

“What kind of power is it anyway, cataclysmic violin playing?” Diego chuckled, trying and failing to lighten the mood.

“I don’t know, like telekinesis or something.” She muttered under her breath, “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Telekinesis.” Luther considered, “of the world ending variety?”

“If it was something that Dad was too scared to deal with,” Five replied, “I’m thinking quite possibly.”

“Shit,” she muttered. “You guys said that Le – Harold,” the name brought a bitter taste to her mouth, “had some sort of murder shine in his house, so I thought… maybe he was trying to, I don’t know, use me or something… to hurt you. He was always more invested in developing my powers than I was, and he knew things about them that… I should have noticed. God, I’m so stupid.”

“It’s okay, Vanya,” Allison said, kindly. Vanya didn’t like to admit it, but sometimes she liked it when Allison played the role of big sister.

“How dangerous are these powers exactly, are you on the pills now?” Luther asked, suddenly stepping forwards from the shadows.

“No.” She admitted, wringing her hands, agitated. Taking them again would feel like failure to her, it would be like letting her father win.

“Should you be?”

“No,” she insisted, a little more forcefully than she’d intended. “I can control it, I can, I just…”

“It’s okay Vanya, I know this must be scary for you.” Five murmured. Vanya smiled gratefully. “And, if this is true, then it could mean that Harold Jenkins can no longer cause the apocalypse.”

“What, really?” Luther said, puzzled.

“I don’t know, but the way I see it, without Vanya, he won’t be able to do anything.”

She hadn’t wanted to believe it, that she was capable of something like that, the apocalypse.“So you really think that I was going to–“

“I don’t know. And, if you were, then I know you would never have done it on purpose, okay?” Said Five. She could tell that he was in pain. His eyes were watering with the strain of it all. “Just stay here, you’ll be safer with me if he decides to come after you.”

“Okay,” she nodded.

“What do you want us to do, Five?” Luther asked. He didn’t seem comfortable with it, asking for leadership.

“Frankly, Luther, I don’t care,” he quipped. “Wait, no,” he reconsidered, “keep tabs on this Harold Jenkins guy, tell this police about his false identity if they haven’t caught up with him in the hospital already.”

“What about Klaus?” Diego asked. “Was he really the one that did this to you?”

Five closed his eyes, “he was.” There was a murmur of discordance from around the room.

“Wait, wait, we’re talking about our brother Klaus, right?” Vanya murmured, though she knew she wasn’t going to get answers for a while yet.

“He’s dangerous, believe me. His powers are stronger now.”

“So, he can see… more dead people?” Allison offered, just as confused as the rest of them.

“No, he can manifest dead people, physically. Actually they’re the ones that did this.” He gestured vaguely to his beaten body. One of his arms was strapped in a splint, and his eyes were barely visible beyond the swollen, blackened flesh surrounding.

“So he summoned a bunch of dead people to beat the shit out of you, damn. Good for him.”

“Diego!” Allison cried.

“What, he deserved it,” Five nodded solemnly to Diego’s assertion, “it doesn’t make things even, but maybe Klaus will feel better about coming back to the academy now that he’s taken Five down a notch,” he glanced over Five lying helplessly on the bed, “or ten.”

“It’s more than that though, he didn’t seem fully in control. It was scary, he was levitating off the ground, his eyes went all blue, the air felt like it was going to suffocate me, and I heard things… he needs our help but I’m worried that he’s becoming too dangerous. We need more information before we can confront him again.”

“I’ve got Dad’s journal,” Vanya offered, “there’s bound to be something in there.”

“I’ll find Pogo, he’ll be able to help,” Luther added. Vanya wondered if Pogo knew about her powers too. She was willing to bet that he did, it cast all that comfort he gave her, as a child and just a few days ago during the funeral, in a darker light. What did he have to say for himself?

One by one, they shuffled out, leaving Five and Vanya alone.

“Do you think Klaus is scared, by his power I mean. It’s terrifying, finding out you can do something like that, hurting people… even though you don’t mean to.”

“I’m sorry Vanya, and I’m sorry for Klaus too. Let’s be honest, Dad probably messed you two up most of all, except maybe for Ben, but, well…”

“Have a read,” she stood up beside him and adjusted the bed so he was sitting up. She handed him the open book. “Everything we need to know’s in here.” He nodded gratefully, and began to skim over the notes.

Vanya sighed and moved over to the cabinets lining the walls. Harold may have gotten rid of her own supply of medication, but she knew her father must have kept some lying around. Sure enough, she found a row of dusty jars at the back of the cabinet. She unscrewed the lid, already feeling ashamed that she couldn’t do this on her own, couldn’t control the power that was building inside of her. It was too much, seeing Five injured, reading her father’s words, and Klaus… One, two, three. She had to feel numb to this, otherwise she thought her heart might explode right out of her chest. Is this how Klaus felt, that dependency, amplified a thousand times over? She wondered what he was feeling right now. Was it guilt, or fear? Or was he past that entirely, twisted into some other person by the power lying dormant within. That’s what Vanya feared most as she downed the pills, losing herself, destroying the people she loved – just like Klaus.

...

Notes: Sorry for the lack of Klaus in this Klaus fic. I felt it was important to compare the perspectives of Klaus and Vanya while also getting Vanya and her power trip out of the way so that Klaus can step forwards and wreck their shit :))

[lovecomesinattheeyes]

Wrote this Modern AU a while back. Not sure if it's going to develop into anything, but for now it's a smutty one shot. It'll be on ao3 soon. Enjoy!

His dark, curly hair pools against her naked belly. His eyes are glued to the dimly lit screen emitting sounds of swords clashing. The quiet clicking of the buttons on his controller the only clue that he's moving. Her silver blonde hair is tucked behind her ears as her violet blue eyes skim the words of the book held with one hand, her other hand lightly scratching his scalp, mindlessly playing with his hair until she needs to turn a page.

Their bodies are splayed across their bed and the heavy form of Ghost is nestled against Jon's back, his cold nose pressed up to Dany's shoulder.

It was rare for them to be home the same night. Most of the time one or the other would be working late. Her shifts at the hospital were demanding and the time between the O.R. was spent checking up on patients or trying to sleep. Jon's nights at the lab were just as late. He knew they were on the verge of a breakthrough and had been pushing himself harder than ever to isolate the gene that could lead to a cure.

Tonight though they had both managed to get a night off, able to be together, even if just to be near one another as they turned their brains off and imbibed in a mindless hobby.

"Fuck!" He mutters as his screen turns red. His failure at playing the fantasy game breaks her concentration from the sentence in the suspenseful mystery novel. He hastily turns the console off, letting the screen go dark before sighing heavily. He shifts his head to look at her over his shoulder, observing her continued reading.

"Ghost, down." He says, nudging the ball of white fur until the four legged companion slinks off the mattress and into his bed on the floor next to the window. Jon shifts his body so that he can gently kiss the soft skin along her ribs.

"What are you doing?" She eyes him as he tugs at the delicate lace of her underwear.

"Nothing..." He smiles against her hip.

"Doesn't look like nothing." She narrows her eyes at him as a shiver goes up her spine.

"An experiment..." He smirks as he manages to finagle the material lower, the platinum gold smattering of hair between her legs peeking out.

"For science?" She lifts her hips just slightly, allowing him to rid her of the panties.

"Exactly..." He muses as he huffs and rolls them past the dragon tattoo on her thigh. She lets the book drop from her hand and bites her lip as she looks down at him. A warmth pools between her legs as he kisses his way back up to her core.

"Mmm, I think this is a good start, what's your hypothesis?" Her hands reach for his chin, pulling him up.

"That you're capable of having at least three orgasms in under ten minutes." Kissing her palm he bends back down and drags his nose along her slit. She moans and arches her back.

"That's a compelling theory." She gasps as he readjusts himself between her legs, hitching one over his shoulder, resting it on his back as he pushes the other off the edge of the mattress so it dangles over the side of the bed. "What are your variables?"

He hums against her and she feels the reverberations through her entire body. "I don't think I should share those with the subject." He growls as he lets his fingers slowly slide between her folds. "For it to be a controlled experiment you'll need to experience the tests first hand."

"Ooo Jon, no one talks nerdy to me like you do." He chuckles softly before focusing back on the task at hand. He spreads her slick sex as his fingers begin circling her entrance. She grips the sheets and tilts her head back into the pillow, biting her lip. Jon's tongue takes one long slow drag from his fingers up, causing her to gasp and her body to arch again.

No matter how many times he'd done this, it never got old. The first time he had they were both half drunk, having stumbled back to his dorm room after a Halloween party. She'd never known sex could be that good. Dany primarily dated selfish jocks or shy nerds. Jon was a revelation to her. He told he had only been with one girl, but between his innate curiosity, physical instincts and plenty of research on the topic of how to pleasure a woman, he had developed quite the talent for sex; one that Dany appreciated reaping the rewards of.

Currently his tongue drives all thoughts from her head though as he continues to lave and suck at the bundle of nerves. Her legs begin to shake and her gasps and moans interrupt her ragged breaths. Dany breathes his name as the first orgasm takes her, spreading through her like a wild fire, forcing her to grip his hair and roll her hips into his face.

"There's one." He smirks proudly before dipping his head back down and continuing to lick as his fingers slowly work within her.

"Mmm, fuck Jon..." She sighs as she buries her fingers in his hair and runs the heel of her foot up his back. His other hand pushes on her thigh, opening her up to him further.

Her mind wanders to the first time they met. Those stormy eyes challenging just as strongly as his sharp mind argued. Jon Snow had infuriated her with his unwillingness to concede that she was right. They had been partnered together on a project in their cellular biology class. The only problem being they both had passion for the subject and an unwavering opinion about it. Eventually they compromised and she had seen that he was right, admitting to him as much. His humble demeanor allowed her to keep her pride intact however and from that point their feelings toward each other developed.

Dany pulls at his hair sharply as his talent for feasting on her makes her lose her senses. He hisses as he looks up at her. "Woman, you're going to rip my scalp off if you keep up with that."

"Sorry," she acquiesces, loosening her grip and moving her hands back to rest on her stomach. Seemingly satisfied he dips his mouth to her once more and sucks hard on the swollen bud. It causes her body to double and she props herself up on an elbow, watching as he continues to devour her with intent. "Fuuuuck." She breathes as her body climbs higher toward release. "Don't stop..." She begs as her head rolls back and her toes curl in anticipation. Hiss muffled agreeance only exacerbates her need to release. He glances up at the goddess that has somehow chosen to be his wife writhes in pleasure.

They were 22 when they met, over halfway through their doctorate program as both had started college programs when they were 16. He'd fallen for her hard and fast, but knew that he had a responsibility to finish college, that he couldn't let this distract him from his true purpose. He was lucky then that when he breached the topic, she was in total agreement. She had an overwhelming need to prove herself.

Her background was somewhat tragic. The story of a family who had the world at their fingertips. Doctor Aerys Targaryen was one of the most sought after brain surgeons in the world until the grief took him. The death of his wife during Danaerys' birth had broken him. Followed shortly by having watched his sons die from a genetic disease that he could not fix. Rae was the oldest, strong until it hit him when he was 20. He killed himself after he was diagnosed. Vic, on the other hand didn't care that he had the gene. He lived a dangerous life. He took too many risks, and the one that got him killed was beyond stupid.

Dany fortunately did not have the green but was left motherless and with a father who was a genius, but stunted emotionally and crippled by grief. He eventually went so insane he was put in a home and Dany was shipped off to live with a man who was close to her family, a colleague of her father. He cared for Dany, harbored her and sculpted her mind. Dany had inherited her father's brilliance and, from what others said, her mother's grace. However it hadn't been the only thing she inherited. Her wealth was unimaginable, but also untouchable until the age of 28, as per the trust agreement.

She was raised with nothing but the kindness of strangers. The small amount of money received by her guardians covered the necessities. She had clawed her way out of her circumstances, applying for grants, taking out loans and working part time jobs in order to afford rent with a bunch of misfits.

Tyrion was a dwarf, incredibly smart and studying to be a lawyer. He had a quick wit and a sharp tongue, it was a good thing he chose to like Jon, because he could be a formidable person to have as against you. Missandei was incredible at languages. She was fluent in at least twelve that Jon was aware of and was currently one of the best interpreters at the U.N. Greyson or "Grey Worm" as everyone called him, was on the football team, one of the strongest and most gifted, but he was painfully shy and preferred the company of Missandei. Today they remain together, he works as head of security at the U.N.

Jon looks at the bedside clock, he's been between her legs for all of 7 minutes and she's edging toward her third climax now. Her hands are clawing at his shoulders as she's propped above him. "Don't fight it." He warns her. "I'll do the thing if I have to..." She grins wickedly at him and pushes his hair out of his eyes.

"Your experiment is going to fail, you might have to retest it all night. Bring on your variables, Jon Snow." Her voice is thick with desire and he groans against her at the sound of his name, laced with a sultry challenge. He nips at her folds causing a surprised gasp and a retraction of her hips. His digits curl into her and he strokes smoothly and circles his fingertips. A gasping breath is his reward and she grits her teeth against the wave of pleasure that threatens to take over her senses.

A nervous laugh bubbles out of her and he tears his mouth from her, lifting her leg to keep it hooked on his shoulder as he brings his hips flush to hers. He reaches down and hooks her other leg around his thigh before guiding himself to her entrance. "I'm nothing if not determined." He warns her as he inches into her warm depths. She grasps her own breast, trying desperately to find an outlet for the feel of the delicious pressure he fills her with. His fingers replace where his lips had just been and he begins to grind into her steadily.

She locks eyes with him and then glances back at the clock. "I only need to withstand for two more minutes." His eyes spark with mischief and he picks up speed.

"There is one thing working against you. I'm an expert in the field of your anatomy." His hand pins her hip where the second dragon tattoo curls around and he picks up the pace, his fingers circling her clit with more fervor. She moans loudly and her hand slams onto the mattress, her face buries into the pillow as she bites down, trying desperately and most likely in vain to fight the sensations he's driving through her.

"Fucking mother of...ah... Dany...shit!" He swears as he begins to feel the effects of their joined bodies on him as well. It drives her further toward the brink of ecstasy. She is always driven out of her mind when he loses himself like that. "Look at me." His breathy request causes her to peek up at him. The intensity of his gaze, the amount of wonder and devotion he looks at her with almost brings tears to her eyes. "I love you Daenerys Targaryen." He hardly ever uses her full name, she reserves it only for her professional life and insists everyone close to her call her the preferred "Dany". She gasps and her legs push against him, she's done preventing the orgasm from taking her, and she reaches for his hand that his wedding band rests upon, gripping him hard as she rides out her climax.

He grins down at her before he lets her leg drop back to the bed. He twists their hands together and smothers her body with his, kissing her hard as the last of her pleasure leaves her panting. "I win." He smriks before nipping at her lip.

"Really? Cause it feels a bit like I won..." She answers as she wraps her legs around his waist and pushes her hips up bringing her mouth to his ear. "I mean, who's had more orgasms?" She teases as she bites his lobe. He shivers and bucks hard into her, a grunting huff blows warm breath across her clavicle.

"Don't test me wife. I'll fuck you until you can't walk tomorrow." She moans at the thought. He'd only done that once to her before, in a fit of jealousy at having met her former boyfriend, Cal Drogo, at their ten year reunion. He was a burly guy, tall and handsome, a six pack that didn't quit and he clearly still had a thing for his old high school flame. Jon remained glued to her hip that night and when they got home, he showed her that he had Stallion pride, even if he didn't attend the same school or even cared an ounce for the mascot of her alma mater.

"Mmm, is that a promise?" She gasps as her heels dig into the hard muscles of his ass. She presses her breasts to his chest and sucks hard on the column of his throat. His chuckle devolves to a groan as he continues to roughly work his hips against hers.

“You tell me, do you have surgery tomorrow?” His purr sends a shiver up her spine and she tries her best to recall her schedule the next day.

“Mmm, I don’t believe I do.” She nips at his ear lobe and pushes her hips up to meet his thrusts.

“Well in that case...” He retracts his hips until he almost slips from her before lunging into her hard and stopping. “Turn over...” He slips from her quickly and pushes himself to his knees. He grasps his swollen and cock, covered in the slick honey and slowly works himself, coating himself. Her eyes darken as she watches but she does what he asks, biting her lip as she flips over, sticking her ass in the air and rubbing it along the knuckles of his fist as they move up and down.

“You want to fuck me like this?” She looks over her shoulder at him, pulling her hair to the side, displaying the third and final dragon tattoo that has its wings spread across the expanse of her back. She wiggles her ass tauntingly.

“I want to fuck you until you’re begging me to stop.” His cool tone sends another set of chills up her spine as he positions himself behind her, Jon pushes her knees further apart with his before he lets his fingers explore her sex. She stifles a moan as he slides his thumb into her, pinching her clit between his pointer and middle finger. His other hand continues to pump himself as he slowly circles his digits. Her muffled mewls growing in volume as she feels a familiar tension building again. “You’ll tell me if it’s too much won’t you?” He asks before he inches forward, sliding his cock between the cleft of her ass.

“Mmmm, mhmm.” She moans and pushes back against him. 

“Good girl...now...” He pulls his fingers out of her trembling cunt before he offers them to her other pair of lips. “Suck.” She opens her mouth and licks up his fingers before sheathing them in her mouth, as she does he drives himself into her hard and hisses at the depths he reaches in her body as well as the sharp sting of the teeth that dig into the flesh of his knuckles. He knows hes in for a long night with his Dragon Queen.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Let’s Try That Again; The 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes

The horror movie remake is a polarizing topic that drives the horror community crazy. You either love remakes, or hate them. Few horror movie re-imaginings have been able to rise above their “remake” branding. Too many fans chalking their existence up to exploiting a film or franchise’s existing fandom, being made purely for profit, being rushed, or re-envisioning iconic characters to a lesser extent.

Despite not being received with open arms, there are a select few remakes that stand above the pack – converting their audiences of naysayers into rabid fans, re-invigorating the franchise they birthed from. Here are our picks for the 10 best horror movie remakes!

  10. Friday the 13th (2009)

Against the advice of locals and police, Clay (Jared Padalecki) scours the eerie woods surrounding Crystal Lake for his missing sister. But the rotting cabins of an abandoned summer camp are not the only things he finds. Hockey-masked killer Jason Voorhees lies in wait for a chance to use his razor-sharp machete on Clay and the group of college students who have come to the forest to party.

  Alright, I may get a lot of flack for putting this one on the list. But I really do love the Friday the 13th remake. It’s over the top, it’s got everything you want in a slasher, and there’s exactly 13 kills. While it doesn’t hold a torch to the original from 1980, this 2009 remake directed by Marcus Nispel ain’t half bad. There’s some really fun kills and a bit of back story about Jason.

  9. Piranha 3D (2010)

Spring break turns gory when an underground tremor releases hundreds of prehistoric, carnivorous fish into Lake Victoria, a popular waterside resort. Local cop Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) must join forces with a band of unlikely strangers — though they are badly outnumbered — to destroy the ravenous creatures before everyone becomes fish food.

  Piranha 3D is the perfect summer film! The original was released in 1978 and was titled simply Piranha. In 2010 we got a 3D remake that took the thriller element from the original and added way more boobs. And humor. And blood. Piranha 3D is a cheesy gore-fest. Directed by Alexandre Aja, it has an all-star cast including Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd and Jerry O’Connell. A great flick to watch in a group while vacationing at a lake. Just make sure to maybe check there’s not another lake under that lake.. filled with ancient piranhas.

  8. Quarantine (2008)

Reporter Angela (Jennifer Carpenter) and her cameraman Scott (Steve Harris) are doing a story on night-shift firefighters for a reality-TV program. A late-night distress call takes them to a Los Angeles apartment building, where the police are investigating a report of horrific screams. The TV team and emergency workers find an old woman, who suddenly attacks with teeth bared. What’s more, Angela and company find that the building has been sealed by CDC workers. Then the attacks really begin.

  [REC] (2007) is a Spanish found footage film directed by Jaume Balagueró. The film is absolutely terrifying and exactly how found footage should be done. One year later came the American remake Quarantine, directed by John Erick Dowdle. Both films follow the exact same story, so there’s not a lot of surprises watching the American remake. Both films also set up for a bunch of sequels, some of which are really great. The American version stars Jennifer Carpenter in the lead role, who does a great job carrying the story. I won’t say much more because both of these films should be watched with no prior knowledge of the story. The first time I saw the ending was one of the few times I’ve screamed out loud while watching a horror film. I apologized profusely to my neighbors.

  7. Evil Dead (2013)

Mia (Jane Levy), a drug addict, is determined to kick the habit. To that end, she asks her brother, David (Shiloh Fernandez), his girlfriend, Natalie (Elizabeth Blackmore) and their friends Olivia (Jessica Lucas) and Eric (Lou Taylor Pucci) to accompany her to their family’s remote forest cabin to help her through withdrawal. Eric finds a mysterious Book of the Dead at the cabin and reads aloud from it, awakening an ancient demon. All hell breaks loose when the malevolent entity possesses Mia.

  Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead was originally released in 1981. A campy, low-budget film that became an instant cult classic. In 2013, Fede Alverez’s re-imagined the beloved story of Ash and his deadites, creating a darker, more sinister interpretation. One of the biggest changes, was opting for an incredible female lead played by Jan Levy.  The film is deliciously dark, and only embellishes the silly, zany palate of the Evil Dead Franchise.  There’s been a lot of chatter about a sequel being in the works, but nothing concrete.

  6. Willard (2003)

Desperate for companionship, the repressed Willard (Crispin Glover) befriends a group of rats that inhabit his late father’s deteriorating mansion. In these furry creatures, Willard finds temporary refuge from daily abuse at the hands of his bedridden mother (Jackie Burroughs) and his father’s old partner, Frank (R. Lee Ermey). Soon it becomes clear that the brood of rodents is ready and willing to exact a vicious, deadly revenge on anyone who dares to bully their sensitive new master.

  Willard was released in 1973 and the remake came years later to screens in 2003. It stars Crispin Glover in one of his best roles, and a crap tone of rats. Glen Morgan directed this awesome remake and fills it with everything you’d want in a terrifying situation about killer rats. Glover shines on-screen as a total weirdo and carries the film with perfection. If you weren’t scared of rats before, you will be after this flick ends.

  5. The Grudge (2004)

Matthew Williams (William Mapother), his wife, Jennifer (Clea DuVall), and mother, Emma (Grace Zabriskie), are Americans making a new life in Tokyo. Together they move into a house that has been the site of supernatural occurrences in the past, and it isn’t long before their new home begins terrorizing the Williams family as well. The house, as it turns out, is the site of a curse that lingers in a specific place and claims the lives of anyone that comes near.

  An American remake from the Japanese original Ju-On: The Grudge released in 2002. The remake, directed by Takashi Shimizu, the same person who directed the original, is terrifying. Back in the early 2000’s it was harder for North Americans to access J-horror and horror audiences were grateful for an accessible remake. Starring Sarah Michelle Geller in the lead role, she carries the story with grace. There’s so many memorable moments and jump scares. While I do recommend The Grudge, I say go crazy and watch both the original and remake one after the other. Have the pants scared off of you!

  4. The Fly (1986)

  When scientist Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) completes his teleportation device, he decides to test its abilities on himself. Unbeknownst to him, a housefly slips in during the process, leading to a merger of man and insect. Initially, Brundle appears to have undergone a successful teleportation, but the fly’s cells begin to take over his body. As he becomes increasingly fly-like, Brundle’s girlfriend (Geena Davis) is horrified as the person she once loved deteriorates into a monster.

  Originally released in 1958, it was a long time before The Fly remake came around in 1986. The original movie was adapted from a short story written by George Langelaan. The remake was directed by the always impressive David Cronenberg and starred Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis. Both brought insane performances to this movie which makes it such a great remake. Of course, it is Cronenberg, so…you know…don’t eat while you’re watching it.

  3. Dawn of the Dead (2004)

When her husband is attacked by a zombified neighbor, Ana (Sarah Polley) manages to escape, only to realize her entire Milwaukee neighborhood has been overrun by the walking dead. After being questioned by cautious policeman Kenneth (Ving Rhames), Ana joins him and a small group that gravitates to the local shopping mall as a bastion of safety. Once they convince suspicious security guards that they are not contaminated, the group bands together to fight the undead hordes.

  The original Dawn of the Dead was a fantastic, beautiful, groundbreaking film from Romero, released in 1978. The remake came in 2004, helmed by James Gunn and Zack Snyder. What stands out about this remake is how far they veer from the source material. But it works! The film boasts a strong cast featuring Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, and Jake Weber, to name a few. There’s also some heart-breaking moments and genuine scares. Oh, and zombies. Lots of those.

  2. The Ring (2002)

It sounds like just another urban legend — a videotape filled with nightmarish images leads to a phone call foretelling the viewer’s death in exactly seven days. Newspaper reporter Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts) is skeptical of the story until four teenagers all die mysteriously exactly one week after watching just such a tape. Allowing her investigative curiosity to get the better of her, Rachel tracks down the video and watches it. Now she has just seven days to unravel the mystery.

  Another J-horror American remake. Ringu was first released in 1998 based on the book Ring by Koji Suzuki. In 2002, along came The Ring directed by Gore Verbinski. This was a huge deal for us teenagers in the early 2000’s and made us all terrified of our landlines. The Ring is beautifully shot and colored mystery. It’s a wonderfully done film. It stars Naomi Watts as the mother fighting to save herself and her child, played by David Dorfman.

  1. The Thing (1982)

In remote Antarctica, a group of American research scientists are disturbed at their base camp by a helicopter shooting at a sled dog. When they take in the dog, it brutally attacks both human beings and canines in the camp and they discover that the beast can assume the shape of its victims. A resourceful helicopter pilot (Kurt Russell) and the camp doctor (Richard Dysart) lead the camp crew in a desperate, gory battle against the vicious creature before it picks them all off, one by one.

  You didn’t think I’d make this list without The Thing did you? Come on! Originally titled The Thing from Another World and released in 1951, the remake was done by John Carpenter in 1982. The Thing is probably the one film everyone will agree on. It’s perfection on-screen. Giant, snowy, cold landscapes filled with unbearable tension and fear. An outstanding performance from all involved – but Kurt Russell stands out on top. Amazing practical effects and a terrifying premise, The Thing is the penultimate remake. They actually remade this again in 2011, but let’s not talk about that..

  Those are our picks for the 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes! Are any of your favorites on this list? If not, let us know what your favorite horror remakes are in the comments below, or over in our Facebook Group!

The post Let’s Try That Again; The 10 Best Horror Movie Remakes appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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[obscuniverse]

Obscu comments: Ready Player One, Part 1.

This is @derinthemadscientist‘s fault. Chapter 0

“I was sitting in my hideout watching cartoons“ Okay you’re either a grizzled old veteran with an actual hideout who watches cartoons because they can, or an awkward child who calls their room a ‘hideout’.

“globally networked“ unlike all other MMOS, apparently.

“At first, I couldn’t understand why the media was making such a big deal of the billionaire’s death.“ Awkward child it is.

“so the unwashed masses“ Could you maybe try harder to sound aloof and superior? I’m just not getting your disdainful sneering coming through as clear as I’d like.

I’m all of three paragraphs in and here and I can feel the neckbeard.

“But that was the rub. James Halliday had no heirs.“ And if this was set in a feudal monarchy, that would be an issue.

You’re gonna make this an issue, aren’t you Ernest?

“He’d spent the last fifteen years of his life in self-imposed isolation, during which time—if the rumors were to be believed —he’d gone completely insane.“ So the board of directors voted to remove him as CEO of the company like 14 years ago, right? Because massive global corporate juggernauts that have somehow established a telecommunications monopoly are not run by one person pedalling a bike to power a single computer in their own locked room.

You do know that, right?

Right, Ernest?

That’s okay though, I mean Halliday is probably having fun willing away his personal fortune.

“had everyone from Toronto to Tokyo crapping in their cornflakes” is this entire book going to read like a forum post? It is, isn’t it? Isn’t it, Ernest?

“His video message was actually a meticulously constructed short film titled Anorak’s Invitation“ A quick google tells me that, aside from being a kind of jacket, ‘Anorak’ is British slang for a person with obsessive niche interests. The global billionaire’s Final Message is basically entitled ‘Letter from a huge fuckin weeb’.

Also, how else would it be constructed? What purpose does ‘meticulous’ serve here? Is that unusual for a global tech billionaire? Was it especially meticulous? What is this description contrasting with, Ernest? Your own writing?

I’m going to sail right past the part where he had global admin rights to what’s literally the internet despite being AWOL for 15 years and this didn’t concern anybody at all. Let’s just say he ‘built a backdoor’ into it that has somehow gone unnoticed for several decades in a system that would be continually maintained and updated by thousands of sysadmins. Okay, it’s fine, he’s the creator of the core system. I’ll suspend my disbelief that his personal backdoor didn’t end up in the bin every time they upgraded something in the core build. Maybe it did and he rebuilt it, stealthily, all over again. Fine, but I’ve got my eye on you, Ernest.

“surpassing even the Zapruder film“ Just call it the Kennedy Assassination tape so nobody has to google it, Ernest.

Ernest, buddy, why am I seeing an ast-- oh, it’s a footnote. You’ve written your prologue chapter with fucking footnotes. Could you not figure out how to write more words with the rest of the words, Ernest?

My. God. There are seven footnotes. Of them, six say some version of “this was photoshopped in from an 80′s movie to confirm that this was, in fact from the 80′s. Did I mention the 80′s?” and the seventh is “this is a photo of the Rich Man of the Internet from the 80′s”. I really feel like Ernest has set up a much more interesting story and then elected to ignore it in favour of writing the gamergate manifesto of a 16-year-old boy. There’s apparently a nuclear war going on in the background, and one nerd somehow became the God-King of the Internet despite the fact that literally any first-world government would immediately try to seize this kind of centralised infrastructure away from him. Does this mean governments are a thing of the past? Is this entire story taking place in some kind of children’s creche in the Shadowrun continuity? I have so many questions, and none of them are about this book.

So God-King Jimmy is a 40-something-old man dancing in a re-edited scene of an 80′s highschool movie dance. I don’t know why it takes six sentences to say this, except to say that he danced flawlessly, and also:

“But Halliday has no dance partner. He is, as the saying goes, dancing with himself.” Is he now, Ernest? Is he really? To be fair to Ernest, I also wrote like this. In highschool. While desperately trying to inflate an essay to reach the wordcount.

“A few lines of text appear briefly at the lower left-hand corner of the screen, listing the name of the band, the song’s title, the record label, and the year of release, as if this were an old music video airing on MTV: Oingo Boingo, “Dead Man’s Party,” MCA Records, 1985.” We know how music videos work, Ernest.

“He breaks the fourth wall, addressing the viewer, and begins to read“. Is that what he’s doing by addressing the viewer, Ernest?  I’m so glad that you clarified that for me, Ernest, that when a character is breaking that fourth wall that they are explicitly breaking the fourth wall. What would we do without your propensity for re-describing your own descriptions, Ernest?

“I, James Donovan Halliday, being of sound mind and disposing memory, do hereby make, publish, and declare this instrument to be my last will and testament, hereby revoking any and all wills and codicils by me at any time heretofore made.…” *record scratch* I’m not sure this is legally binding. I mean you’ve gone through a truly painstaking amount of effort to describe how heavily-edited this video is. Maybe Emperor Jimmy is fraudulently edited in? Maybe that’s not a binding legal will? Maybe if he’s been a missing person for 15 years then he can’t be assumed to be of sound mind just because he suddenly shows up and says he is? Okay, maybe it’s just seemed like he’s been gone to the general public rather than the C-level of his company, who are somehow okay with the stock crash this is going to cause. “My entire estate, including a controlling share of stock in my company“ Hold up, buttercup. I have exhausted my supply of willing suspension of disbelief, Ernest.

There is just so much wrong with this entire premise. The awol hermit somehow retains control of The Internet. An entire corporate conglomerate and every country that may or may not exist is either okay with this or has no recourse to do anything about it somehow. Not a single one of the thousands of people who maintain the backend bothers to comb through the code to find where this ‘easter egg’ has been slipped in. You know about code, right Ernest? I mean I take it you’ve at least seen The Matrix, yeah? Remember how people sitting outside the matrix can scan through the code, even in that hellscape where they’re not even the ones that control it? Sure, OASIS probably isn’t open-source... but how many people do you think have actual backend access? Spoiler: It’s not “Just Emperor Jimmy”, Ernest. Nobody at that company needs to play through what I can only imagine is a painstakingly convoluted puzzle quest that you’re about to explain to me in several levels of unnecessary detail.

Look, this entire premise reminds me of Breaking Bad. Not any of the good bits, mind you but the bit where the entire plot could only take place in the USA because in the rest of the developed world Walter White just goes to a fucking doctor and gets treatment for his cancer because healthcare actually exists.

That’s what this is like. The number of arbitrarily nonsensical things that must be true for this premise to work is... Incredibly distracting. Nothing about this is a reasonable situation. Nothing that you’ve established about this world suggests that anything about this makes even a little bit of sense. Now I’m aware that ‘eccentric millionaire leaves money in some kind of convoluted contest’ is a trope and I remember some very silly 90′s movies based on this premise but come on Ernest. There’s a much more interesting novel hiding between the lines of the premise you’ve ham-fistedly implied just so you can list for me the brands of 1980′s televisions. Out of curiousity, I googled every person who wrote the advance praise comments inside the cover. I had a sneaking suspicion about the demographics of people who enjoy this book. Here’s a brief summary (since Ernest loves lists so much) 1. White American Male, Age 48

2. White American Male, Age 47

3. White American Male, Age 52

4. White American Male, Age 68

5. White American Male, Age 49

6. White American Male, Age 40

7. White American Male, Age 41

I then googled Ernest, an action I deeply regret. Demographically speaking, let’s have a look: White American Male, Age 46.

I’m detecting a pattern is what I’m saying here. I’m only halfway through the prologue, mind you, and perhaps this really picks up but I feel like I absolutely did not need to be told the brand of the television that Young God-Emperor Jimmy had his Atari 2600 into. Nor did I need to be told that his Atari 2600 was, indeed, an Atari 2600 about 10 words before God-Emperor Jimmy then actually says that it’s an Atari 2600. Maybe this book is for people who get a real kick out of seeing the words ‘Atari 2600′. People who are (and I’m just throwing wild, unsubstantiated theories out here) about 40+, white, male, and American?

I’m going to stop now because I’ve started writing my thesis just to procrastinate from having to read the second half of the prologue to this book.

[kaspbroughed-blog]

Soulmates

Part 2/? Ships: Kaspbrough, Stozier, maybe more in the future idk  Trigger Warnings: Beware...this is kind of cute.

After Eddie said goodbye and went inside his shared apartment with Richie, he put away his leftovers and got ready for bed, despite the fact it wasn’t even 9 o’clock yet. He curled up in bed and turned his TV on, deciding to find some cheesy movie on one of his many movie providers. Despite his protest of love, he put on Love, Actually, and fell asleep thinking about the tattoo on his best friend’s arm. The tattoo was small, a black bird. Richie had stated his arm had been burning for a few days, which Eddie had seemed to ignore, despite the fact that was usually the number one sign that your soul mate was nearby.

As Eddie begins to fall asleep, his right arm begins to tingle, but by the morning time, it’s been forgotten.

Eddie wakes up around 8 AM the following morning and begins his daily routine. He doesn’t bother brewing any coffee, because he knows Richie wasn’t going to be there ; he knew this even before Richie texted him that night, informing him of just that. Eddie doesn’t drink much coffee, anyways. For the most part, the only time he really drinks coffee is when he makes it for Richie or at his job – otherwise, he probably wouldn’t even think to make any. Instead of getting coffee, he brews up himself a hot cup of green tea and makes some toast. When the toast pops, he lathers an unhealthy amount of butter on it and proceeds to pour sugar over top of the toast.

The first time he did that, Richie looked at him like he’d been insane.

( “What are you doing, Eds? That cannot be healthy!”  “It’s not,” Eddie replied with a blank look on his face. “But when you have a mother like mine, you would also want to relish in anything and everything sweet when you get the chance.”

Richie never mentioned anything about it again. )

After breakfast, Eddie got his day officially started. It was Saturday, which, with all intent and purposes, meant that the Café on Campus would be closed – it was only open during the week days. Eddie tried sleeping in on Saturdays and Sundays for this reason, but discovered that it was nearly impossible, due to their upstairs neighbors, whom had a two year old child that woke up at 7:30 AM on the dot every morning. Richie somehow seemed to sleep through it, whereas, Eddie could not.

He dressed in a bright pink polo ( “You know, Eddie, everyone knows you’re gay. You don’t need to show it off so much,” Richie teased him countless times for his attire. ) and khaki shorts with his worn black and white converse. Richie made fun of him, saying he’s been wearing the same things since they were in high school and Eddie usually didn’t react very kindly to it. Although… he wasn’t all that far off. Eddie wore the same size of shoe since he was sixteen years old and probably didn’t grow that much in height or weight since then. Bullies in high school called him a twink, which, at the time, he found highly offensive because he hadn’t yet come out to anyone – how could he when Sonia Kaspbrak put her nose up to anything that didn’t fit her views in life? Luckily, having Richie as a best friend, meant those bullies often got their faces smashed in – though, Richie rarely left without a bruise or two himself.

Once he was ready, teeth brushed, hair combed, all the necessities for the day, Eddie set out to the library. He had an exam on Thursday and despite the fact it was Saturday, he found it was necessary to begin his studying right away. Plus, the school library was usually barren of students on the weekends, so he always managed to settle in as quietly and as invisible as possible.

Today was different, though.

When Eddie arrived to the library, there was a new face greeting him at the front desk. He was a tall boy, with dark hair that seemed to glisten red in direct lighting – damn, Eddie was blown away.

He approached slowly, his nerves shaking him up and he has to turn away to pull his Inhaler from his trusty Fanny Pack, punching it into his mouth, and clicking it a few times. Eddie knows it isn’t his asthma that’s sparking up, but his anxiety, yet it helps calm him down regardless. When he finds he’s gathered enough, he finishes his trek to the front desk and offers a small smile to the boy standing there. Eddie failed to realize that this boy had been watching him the entire time.

“Y-you o-okay?” The boy asked, concern sweeping his features when Eddie paused at the desk. Eddie was about to ask him what he meant, when the boy answered it for him and motioned towards the Inhaler still in Eddie’s hands.

“Oh. Um, yeah, sorry – sometimes I just get a little overwhelmed. It was a long walk.” Now that Eddie is closer, he can see the freckles littering the boy’s features, bright blue eyes startling him so much that he has to release another breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding.

The boy doesn’t seem to notice – either that or he chooses to ignore it, for Eddie’s benefit.

“Have you always gone to this school?” Eddie asks, surprising even himself as ocean eyes, stare, evidently just as startled.

Laughter bubbles past plump lips and Eddie finds he can’t stop staring.

“I juh-just m-moved in with m-my fuh-friend a f-few weeks ago, but I’ve been d-doing online classes. He thought if I w-was going to do s-school at all, I m-may as well experience it t-the same way as him, you know?” He says, his ocean eyes never leaving Eddie’s face when he talks. He likes eye contact and Eddie supposes that makes sense, considering it’s probably hard for some people to take him seriously, considering his stutter. Of course, Eddie would never mention it – that would be rude, and he fashioned himself as a nice person… most of the time.

“Oh,” Eddie replies. “I wish I could talk my best friend in coming to school, but he’s fucking persistent that if he did, he’d never come to class, anyways.”

The stranger nods his head and smiles. His smile is beautiful, just like the rest of him, and Eddie’s face lights up in embarrassment from the thought. “T-that makes sense, though.” He nods and opens his mouth to continue when an elderly woman – the librarian – comes out from the room behind Mr. Beautiful and barks at him.

“What are you doing? I told you we need to finish alphabetizing these books! Get to it! We don’t have all day!” She doesn’t even acknowledge Eddie.

“O-okay, I’ll be ruh-right there, Mrs. Palinski.” She disappears back into the office halfway through Mr. Beautiful’s statement. He turns back to Eddie and shoots him a sheepish look. “S-sorry, I g-gotta go. F-first week, I can’t m-make a bad impression.” Before Eddie has a chance to respond, Mr. Beautiful disappears into the office after the librarian, leaving Eddie alone, staring at the spot where the other had just been standing.

Eddie finds himself at a loss. He doesn’t see Mr. Beautiful again and he can hardly concentrate on his studying – so he leaves before lunch time and heads on home. When he gets back home, he finds that Richie is already there… and thankfully, there was no sign of Stan.

Eddie feels immediately guilty when that thought passes his mind and he shoves it away. If Richie was happy, he really needed to learn to be happy for him.

Richie notices Eddie before Eddie speaks and smiles broadly at him.

“Eddie Spaghetti!”

Eddie wrinkles his nose in distaste and he slinks his backpack to the ground and shuts the door after himself. “I wish you’d stop calling me that.”

His protest is unheard as Richie flings himself at his best friend, giving the shorter boy a noogie. “Studying not go well for the Nerd?” He teases, initiating a groan from him.

“I got… a little distracted.” Eddie admitted sheepishly when Richie pulls away, fixing his hair.

“You? Distracted?” Richie has the right to be in disbelief ; Eddie was rarely ever distracted from school work. He was even on the fucking honor roll and in honor society – he tended to work harder on school than most of his peers and there really wasn’t much of a rhyme or reason for it, he just wanted to do it.

“There was… a cute boy, okay?” Eddie murmurs quietly, almost too quiet to be heard by his best friend. Unfortunately for Eddie, Richie heard it and the grin on his face widens, making Eddie cringe away from him.

“A cute boy!” Richie exclaims and pinches Eddie’s cheeks. “Does Eddie have a wittle crush?”

Eddie blushes and scowls, batting away Richie’s hands. “No, Richie! I literally just met him. He’s just… kind of hot, okay?”

This hardly fazes Richie and he laughs. “Okay, whatever you say, Eddie Spaghetti. Did you get his number?”

Eddie scowls again. “As if. I don’t even know his name.”

“I hate to be the one to say this Spaghetti Man, but you probably need to work on that.”

“Whatever, Richie – it doesn’t matter. How was your night with Stanley?” Eddie asks, adverting the topic from himself as he moves around Richie and going into the kitchen.

The grin on Richie’s face does not go away and Eddie can swear up and down, he literally saw hearts forming in his best friend’s eyes. “Oh, Eddie! Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Eddie finds, later, that no, he did not want to know.

[watusichris]

Get a Move On

In the great tradition of seemingly every music site I work for, Music Aficionado appears to have dumped my story about the Move from its virtual library. So, in honor of Roy Wood’s birthday, I’m posting it my own damn self. **********

Everyone knows the Electric Light Orchestra. From 1974-80, they ruled the charts in America, ringing up three multi-platinum albums, two million-sellers, and a trio of gold discs; four of their singles reached the U.S. top 10. Sadly, the band from which Jeff Lynne’s rock-orchestral hit factory morphed remains a relatively unknown commodity in the colonies: the Move.

Stateside, the Birmingham, England-bred Move couldn’t get arrested for loitering with intent. It was a different tale in Blighty, where during their 1966-1972 heyday the group toted up seven top-10 45s. Tearing several pages from the Who’s playbook, they were one of the most notorious live acts of their era, and their taste for outrage led to a successful libel suit filed by British Prime Minister Harold Wilson. Almost insanely eclectic and creative, they made some of the most exciting and exploratory music of the period.

Alas, they are probably best known among American listeners for covers of several of their songs – “Brontosaurus,” “Down On the Bay,” “California Man” -- by their ardent fanboys Cheap Trick. Their obscure, rambunctious legacy is worth a second look and listen.

The Move was cobbled together in the English Midlands in late 1965 by a group of local musical vets; it’s said that impetus for the new unit was provided by aspiring pop singer David Jones, who would go on to greater fame as David Bowie. The front man was plummy-voiced lead singer Carl Wayne, formerly leader of his own outfit the Vikings. Vocal and instrumental support was supplied by guitarists Trevor Burton and Roy Wood, the latter of whom swiftly became the group’s principal songwriter; thumping drummer Bev Bevan; and glamourpuss bassist Chris “Ace” Kefford, a charismatic but highly unstable character in the Brian Jones mold who was nicknamed “the Singing Skull.”

Like almost every English band of any import during that epoch, the Move took initial inspiration from R&B and soul music; their early sets included covers of the Marvelettes’ “Too Many Fish in the Sea,” the Isley Brothers’ “Respectable,” the Orlons’ “Don’t Hang Up,” and Betty Everett’s “I Can’t Hear You No More.”

They swiftly found their footing in the studio with a pair of Wood-penned singles that bubbled up from its author’s evidently bottomless well of paranoia: The debut “Night of Fear” topped out at No. 2 in the U.K., while its follow-up “I Can Hear the Grass Grow” peaked at No. 5.

By the time the second 45 was released in the spring of 1967, the Move – under the aegis of manager Tony Secunda, who also handled another top local attraction, the Moody Blues -- had attained a reputation as one of England’s most (literally!) dangerous concert attractions.

Since 1964, the Who had been alarming the populace by trashing their equipment onstage; taking a page from Stephen Potter’s books about oneupsmanship, the Move lifted the ante with freewheeling and potentially perilous gigs at which the gangster-suited act attacked TV sets with fire axes, set effigies of public figures ablaze, and, during one notorious date at London’s Roundhouse, undertook the riot-inducing onstage demolition of a car.

The band’s fortunes seemed assured with the September 1967 release of “Flowers in the Rain,” a trippy little slice of psychedelia ornamented with classically-derived production flourishes courtesy of Bowie’s future producer Tony Visconti.

However, the No. 2 chart triumph of the single was tarnished after Secunda concocted a promotional postcard depicting Harold Wilson in flagrante delicto with his secretary Marcia Williams. Wilson’s solicitors speedily slapped a libel suit on the band, and, after a verdict in his favor, all royalties from the song were directed to the coffers of Wilson’s favorite charities. (“Vote For Me,” a mocking song about politicians whose target couldn’t have been more obvious, was subsequently recorded but wisely left unreleased.)

Secunda was subsequently deposed in favor of iron-fisted manager Don Arden by the time the Move’s self-titled debut LP was tardily released in April 1968. Even for its time, it was a wildly eclectic opus. Strong, heartily psychedelic Wood compositions – “Flowers in the Rain,” “Yellow Rainbow,” “Walk Upon the Water,” “Fire Brigade,” “Cherry Blossom Clinic” – sat side-by-side with covers of material by Eddie Cochran (“Weekend”), Moby Grape (“Hey Grandma”), and the Coasters (“Zing! Went the Strings of My Heart”). It became the group’s lone British long-player to reach the charts, hitting No. 15.

Incipient drug casualty Kefford had already been ejected from the band by the time they cut a live EP at London’s Marquee Club in February 1968. Hurriedly issued as Something Else From the Move on the heels of the debut album, the all-covers effort was a genre-encompassing set featuring tracks originally essayed by the Byrds, Love, Eddie Cochran, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Spooky Tooth. It was a raucous affair, but it gave little hint of the more focused and highly personalized work that was to follow.

A pair of crunching singles released in late 1968 pointed towards the bottom-heavy sound that would characterize all the Move’s later work. The frenzied “Wild Tiger Woman” was the first of the band’s 45s that failed to chart in England: The BBC’s skittishness about its female protagonist’s sexual insatiability prompted a radio ban. It was succeeded by “Blackberry Way,” a string-inflected, Beatlesque tune – think “Penny Lane” – with a then-rare Wood lead vocal; it became the group’s only No. 1 entry.

Sometimes chaotic events during 1969 harbingered both the contorted latter-day history of the Move and the disinterested response that greeted their work on American shores. Trevor Burton, relegated to bass duties following Kefford’s expulsion, bridled at the pop orientation of “Blackberry Way.” Wood, previously a retiring figure within the band, was empowered by the song’s success and looked to take a higher profile in the group. And Carl Wayne, already studying an exit strategy, moved into music publishing and began pondering a solo career in cabaret-styled pop – and successfully dragged his band mates into incongruous dates whose repertoire reflected his aspirations.

After an on-stage punch-out between Burton and Bev Bevan at a Swedish concert, the unhappy bassist departed the band, and was replaced by Rick Price. The reconstituted quartet, some of whose earlier singles had been issued with a total lack of success by A&M in the U.S., undertook an American “tour” of four dates in October 1969; the trek was so chaotically managed that the band members had to book their own hotel rooms.

Out of this disorder came a remarkable album: Shazam, released in early 1970 in both the U.K. and the U.S. Loosely tied together by off-the-cuff “man on the street” interviews, it was a typically everywhere-at-once collection that managed to hang together thanks to its bottom-heavy sound.

Save for a string-flecked McCartneyesque ballad, “Beautiful Daughter,” which plays like a sop to Wayne’s pop ambitions, Shazam knocks a listener’s head against the wall. The LP was highlighted by the thunderous Wood original “Hello Suzie” and churning renderings of American art-rock act Ars Nova’s “Fields of People,” Frankie Laine’s antique pop hit “Don’t Make My Baby Blue,” and folkie Tom Paxton’s ballad “The Last Thing On My Mind.” “Cherry Blossom Clinic Revisited” – an expanded remake of the debut album’s Wood original about life in a mental institution – pointed at things to come with its extended instrumental interpolations from Bach’s “Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring” and Tchaikovsky’s “Peter and the Wolf” and “The Nutcracker Suite.”

This stupendous slab of proto-metal heaviosity was greeted with roaring silence, and failed to chart on either side of the Atlantic. The couple thousand people who purchased Shazam in the U.S. were probably prompted to lay down their cash by a fey yet wildly enthusiastic review of the album in Rolling Stone by critic and aspiring rock star John Mendelsohn, who would become the band’s chief advocate on these shores. The Move’s small but vocal cult following in the States had its beginnings here.

Wayne put his other foot out the door before Shazam appeared in the stores, and the band was speedily reformulated with the addition of singer-guitarist-vocalist Jeff Lynne, late of Birmingham’s Idle Race. (Wood had himself played in an early edition of that group, Mike Sheridan and the Nightriders.)

The new alignment captured immediate traction in the U.K., where Wood’s “dance song” “Brontosaurus” tallied a No. 7 slot. A full-length album bearing that track, Looking On, followed in late 1970. Grindingly, profoundly bottom-heavy, it lacked any notable songs beyond its chart hit, but it showed Wood flexing his considerable instrumental muscles on cello, sitar, oboe, and saxophones, and the twinned lead vocals and production skills of Wood and Lynne hinted at a winning combination. However, issued by Capitol in both the U.K. and U.S., it died a quick and largely unmourned death.

At this juncture, Wood and Lynne began to envision a new Move offshoot, the Electric Light Orchestra, as a seamless melding of the mother band’s already extant pop and classical strains. Thus work began simultaneously on a new Move album and a debut ELO recording.

The Move’s final set was prefaced by the pummeling Lynne-penned 45 “Down On the Bay” and two fantastic pop-rock singles from Wood, “Tonight” (No. 11 in England) and “Chinatown,” which hinted at the sonic density that would feature in his later solo work.

Recorded after Price’s exit by the trio of Wood, Lynne, and Bevan, the LP Message From the Country landed in October 1971. Though flawed – thanks to Bevan’s silly Elvis homage “Don’t Mess Me Up,” the equally obvious Johnny Cash homage “Ben Crawley Steel Company,” and the “Honey Pie”-like ‘20s pop tidbit “My Marge” – it showed what Lynne and Wood were capable of together. Wood brought in the anvil-dropping “Until Your Mama’s Gone” and “It Wasn’t My Idea to Dance,” while Lynne contributed the titular rocker, the end-of-the-world ballad “No Time,” and a pair of expansive numbers, “The Minister” and “The Words of Aaron,” that pointed towards his later ELO hits in style and sound.

Message From the Country might as well have been released with a “No Sale” sticker attached to it, for the album left nary a trace on any international chart. The band had one last, magnificent single in it: in May 1972, the double-barreled blast of Lynne’s snarling, careening “Do Ya” and Wood’s metallic Jerry Lee Lewis tribute “California Man” landed like a bomb. This two-sided stick of dynamite was the Move’s only 45 to make an American dent, belatedly peaking at a meager No. 93, but became a valedictory No. 7 hit in Great Britain.

By that time, the Electric Light Orchestra’s first LP, No Answer, had seen release. An uncertain mixture of wide-screen rock and unfocused mock-classicism, it bemused listeners in England, where old Move fans took it to a modest No. 32 chart slot, and stultified audiences in America, where it clipped the chart at No. 196 during a two-week stay.

By the time work commenced on a follow-up ELO opus, Wood and Lynne were at loggerheads about the future direction of the band, and, after contributing to just two numbers for the sophomore album, Wood exited the group, with Lynne and Bevan carrying on under the ELO handle.

It was left to United Artists Records, ELO’s American label, to release a splendid parting gift that served as a kind of primer for late-blooming Move devotees. The late-1972 compilation Split Ends brought together the best tracks from Message From the Country, with its genre pastiches excised, and the stunning singles released before and after that album’s release. No doubt benefiting from loud tub-thumping in UA’s in-house music publication Phonograph Record Magazine, which was distributed free in American record stores, the posthumous collection became the Move’s only American chart LP, rising to No. 172 in early 1973.

With the dissolution of their partnership, the commercial fortunes of the Move’s prime movers diverged. Lynne of course perfected his rock/classical fusion and enjoyed a glittering run with ELO, taking a remake of “Do Ya” to No. 24 in 1977, and went on to become a big-name producer, rock star familiar, and Traveling Wilbury as his career burgeoned in the ‘80s and ‘90s.

Roy Wood, always one Tommy short of a Pete Townshend-worthy career in the U.S., proceeded as a beloved eccentric and sometime hitmaker in his homeland. His 1973 all-solo opus Boulders contained the top-20 hit “Dear Elaine,” and was succeeded by the scrumptious Neal Sedaka-meets-the-Beach Boys hit “Forever” (No. 8). Regrouping with dissident Move bassist Rick Price, he founded the visually and sonically extravagant rock big band Wizzard, which issued such neo-Spectorian smashes as “Ball Park Incident” and “See My Baby Jive.”

Quite the saga. Now, if you haven’t heard the band, it’s time to get a Move on.

[lo-fipopculture-blog]

Cody’s Top 10 of 2017

By Cody Lunsford

In 2016, I did a very bad job of watching movies. I only saw FOUR of the movies nominated for best picture. 2017 was VERY different. I’ve seen every movie nominated for best picture. I saw a grand total of 107 movies released in 2017, plus all of the older movies that I watched this year.

There were a lot of factors that came together to create this surge in movie watching. (1). I got MoviePass. Chad’s written about how valuable of a service it is and it’s absolutely true. I’m able to see so much more in theatres now because I’m not breaking the bank to do so. It also makes me feel less bad about seeing movies that seem like they’re obviously bad. (2). I got Netflix DVD. “What is this: 2006?!” I hear you saying. But it’s actually been a great service. Obviously there’s lots of stuff that’s on streaming services, but there’s also quite a bit that isn’t which is why it’s great to get the DVDs (as a supplement to streaming of course. Still got have that Netflix/Hulu/Amazon/HBO Go cocktail). Netflix DVD tends to get newer movies before streaming services, in addition to having some older, harder-to-find stuff. (3). I got more active on Letterboxd. It is, without a doubt, my favorite social media platform. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a way to log movies as you watch them and share your thoughts on the movies, see what your friends are watching and their thoughts on movies, and make lists, which made making this top 10 list an easy task since I’ve been working on it all year. (4). I started a movie podcast with my friends. It’s called Best Pictures and our goal is to find the best movie for every year we’ve been alive. Yes, this is a plug, but it’s also definitely a reason why I watched a ton of movies this year. I had to keep up with my co-hosts and sound like I knew what I was talking about.

That’s why I watched so many, but now let’s get into what movies topped the list. It may seem weird that a “best of the previous year” list isn’t coming out until mid-February, but I wanted to make sure that I had seen everything that might would make my list. Let’s begin with some honorable mentions.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (#35 - #11)

#35. Darkest Hour, #34. Molly’s Game, #33. It Comes at Night, #32. Logan Lucky, #31. Okja, #30. War for the Planet of the Apes, #29. Baby Driver, #28. American Made, #27. Thor: Ragnorak, #26. Good Time, #25. Spider-Man: Homecoming, #24. Ingrid Goes West, #23. Annabelle: Creation, #22. Coco, #21. Detroit, #20. Alien: Covenant, #19. Blade Runner 2049. #18. Mudbound, #17. Brigsby Bear, #16. I, Tonya, #15. Star Wars: The Last Jedi, #14. The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected), #13. Phantom Thread, #12. Your Name, #11. The Florida Project.

Look. 2017 ruled, film wise. It’s hard to narrow down stuff that I really liked. Now to top #10.

#10. Super Dark Times

Super Dark Times was a bit of a surprise for me. I watched it when it came on Netflix and was instantly blown away, realizing that I may be watching a new cult classic in the making a la Donnie Darko. It’s tense and horrifying and completely grabs your attention from the very opening of the film. It’s the type of movie that make your eyes grow wider and wider with each passing scene. The only thing that I’m unsure about when it comes to Super Dark Times is it’s ending, though that also adds to its likelihood to attain cult status, as it’s the type of ending that can debated and discussed for hours.

#9. Raw

Raw isn’t easy to watch. It’s about a vet student who develops a taste for human flesh. With a premise like that, it’s obviously going to lead to some gnarly scenes. But the beauty of Raw lies in how much the film elevates what could be a schlocky b-horror movie premise. Raw isn’t just about cannibalism, it’s also about finding yourself at college. It’s also about how your family still has a giant influence on you even when you leave them. It’s also at times about the special bond that siblings have. And yes, it’s also about eating people.  

#8. Logan

The best superhero film of the year and arguably one of the best ever made. It’s brutal and rough, yet contains one of the strongest emotional threads I’ve seen in superhero movie. Hugh Jackman gives a performance as Logan that is completely unique to this film, yet doesn’t feel disingenuous to the iterations of Wolverine that we’ve seen before. Dafne Keen is a revelation as X-23, portraying just how tough a kid has to be in this grimy future. It’s incredible that despite me not being the biggest fan of the X-Men franchise as a whole, especially the last few, that this movie can still swoop in and hit me like a ton of bricks. There’s not many superhero movies I’ve cried during. This is one of them.

#7. The Post

It’s hard to imagine a world in which this movie would be bad. With the all-star team up of Steven Spielberg, Meryl Streep, and Tom Hanks (and that’s not even counting the insane roster of supporting actors), there was no doubt in my mind that this would be excellent. It’s the type of movie that makes you want to stand up and cheer at people who persist until they win. It has incredible scenes that make your heart race, such as when Bob Odenkirk goes to get the Pentagon Papers and the later scene when Tom Hanks’s team sorts through the documents. It also has little Spielberg touches, such as a little girl making a killing selling lemonade to the team, that tie the whole thing together and make it feel human.

#6. The Big Sick

I’ve known who Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon are for many years from following the LA comedy scene so it has filled me with absolute joy to see a film that they wrote, based on their real life experiences, be such a hit this year and get Oscar attention in addition to being well-liked. It’s a rom-com that defies some standard rom-com tropes and offers a unique love story that we’ve never before seen on film. The movie also does right by Emily’s parents, played by Holly Hunter and Ray Romano doing some of their best work. Instead of making them obstacles in the way of the romance, it fleshes out these characters and Kumail’s relationship with them. It’s such a brilliant twist on the rom-com formula to have Emily’s parents be on board with Kumail before Emily herself is.

#5. Dunkirk

Finally, some recognition for Christopher Nolan (though before this, the last movie of his that I loved completely was The Dark Knight.) This is a war movie that is done in a way I’ve never seen a war movie been done before. It features Nolan’s trademark fascination with messing around with timelines, intercutting between storylines that take place over a week, a day, and a hour respectively, before finally culminating together. It’s tense and fast-paced. You barely get to know any of the characters’ names, which actually works to drive the idea that Nolan is presenting home. This could be anyone’s story of war, it doesn’t matter the specifics.

#4. It

Stephen King is probably my favorite author. I’m a huge fan of things that are spooky and I’ve always loved that in his stories, he’s able to make you care deeply about the characters as well as scare the hell out of you. It’s been awhile since we’ve had a mind blowingly good film adaptation of a Stephen King movie and It definitely reached that status. Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise the Clown is unsettling, yet still somewhat funny. The scares are unique and terrifying. The kids are so damn good. It’s a mammoth book and the way that this adaptation streamlined or cut things out was masterful. I feel like this may be one of the movies on this list that I revisit the most.

#3. Get Out

I’m sure you’ve gotten the idea already that I’m a big fan of horror films. And while It showed what the big blockbuster version of a horror movie could be (and let’s still be clear, the blockbuster version of a horror movie still has a much smaller budget than other blockbusters), Get Out offers how effective a small budget horror movie could be. It also came in and demanded that horror being taken seriously, becoming the first horror film to be nominated for Best Picture since The Silence of the Lambs, though there’s definitely an argument to be made that particular film is more of a thriller. That would make Get Out even more impressive, making it the only horror movie nominated since The Exorcist. Regardless of how you define other movies or how long it’s been, there’s no arguing that Get Out is impressive, especially considering it’s Jordan Peele’s directorial debut. I’m fascinated to see where he goes next.

#2. Lady Bird

It would’ve been hard for me to hate this movie. It’s funny, it’s coming of age, it’s got scenes of musical theatre. Every character in this film is completely realized and painfully authentic. Every funny moment in the film feels real. The relationships that Lady Bird has, with her mother, with her first loves, with her best friend, with her dad, with her brother, are completely relatable and speak to that unsureness, yet complete brazen confidence that comes with being a senior in high school. The throughline of being ashamed of where you came from, yet proud once you’ve left is especially poignant as someone who left a small town to go to college. The realization that your parents are just people and that despite you feeling frustrated and suffocated, they want the best for you, is a hard thing to grapple with and this movie handles it beautifully.

#1. The Shape of Water

“HAHA, that’s that movie where a girl bangs a fish, right?” I mean...yes. But the beauty of The Shape of Water to me is that particular moment doesn’t really even feel that weird. The film instantly immerses you in a storybook world set within a version of the 1960s that isn’t quite true to life. It’s a fairy tale, through and through, complete with a musical daydream, a frog prince, a princess who’s been struck by some “curse”, and a villain who is literally rotten. There’s a lot of arguments that this movie is a bit simplistic or things move at an accelerated rate and to that I say: it’s a storybook. It’s not real. It is meant to feel fantastical and not grounded. It looks gorgeous, performances are phenomenal, and you feel the love put into this production in every scene. I love it.

For more on my thoughts about these, and other movies, listen to the latest episode of Best Pictures where we have the FIRST ANNUAL PICKIES to nominate OUR best of the year.

[mytherapistthinksimfunny]

The Endless Thirst of Grace Michaud

It’s almost 11 pm, and in the four hours that I have been home from work, I’ve been reading articles about Adam Driver. Alone in my apartment, I snort to myself as I read The Cut’s “I Want to Be Adam Driver’s Baby”  and “21 Things I Would Like to Do With Adam Driver” which I relate to a little too well. I, too, want to “peruse real-estate listings” with Adam Driver. 

In my nearly 26 years of living, Adam Driver is this month’s Grace Michaud’s “It Boy.” Last month it was Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Next month? Who knows, but Henry Cavill is looking mighty fine in The Witcher. 

For anyone who has ever known me, this causes little concern. To everyone joining the Grace Michaud journey: welcome. You are about to experience an everyday occurrence.

New friends, or people who only interact with me via social media: I suffer from being infinitely thirsty. My thirst can never be quenched. Usually the thirst comes at a normal level, like any thirst, and starts out as a simple tickle in the throat. If offered a drink I wouldn’t say no. But I don’t actively do anything about it. I could go for a drink, but I’m not about to get up and get one. Then the thought becomes nagging, that maybe I really should get up and get a drink right now. I’ll crave water, a simple free drink that comes from the tap. Soon my thirst becomes more distinct. I’m craving an Arnold Palmer and I need that Arnold Palmer now. I drink and drink and still I’m thirsty, drinking like I’m in the desert, about to die unless I drink the world’s entire water supply right now. 

I am, of course, not talking about liquids. I’m talking about men.

An attractive male on a film or show catches my eye, and I make note. Soon I’m watching every movie they’ve ever made until I’m in a downward spiral of interviews in the trenches of YouTube and Google. 

I’ve been attracted to the male species since before I could form a concrete memory. The evidence is in a video of my dad teasing me at three about a crush I have on a boy named Ricardo. Wracking my memory, the name sounds familiar, and I’m aware I had crushes when I was in preschool.

How in the world did my tiny brain comprehend the very idea of crushes? That one could feel something more than just friendship with someone? That I, a mere three-year-old just learning how to not urinate my pants, was able to identify that? I’ve dated 30-year-old men who are nowhere near that level of emotionally intelligent. 

Who were you, Ricardo? Why was I fascinated with you? Was I attracted to you? Do three-year- olds recognize attraction? Where are you now Ricardo? Have you met your metaphorical Lucy?

So we begin, reader, towards an agonizing life of never-ending attraction to men. Now, I am absolutely not going to go into my dating life. That is just one long humiliating and questionable series of life decisions that even I don’t want to get into. Let’s just say, at 11, there was an entire diary entry of pictures from my yearbook of a kid named Kyle who once took a pinecone out of my hair. I shudder at the thought. And don’t get me started about junior year of high school.                                                                      

I mention Ricardo to show you that my thirst for men was always there, whether I knew it or not. To me, it seems, it was just a normal feeling that was a part of me. Nothing unusual. My karate teacher was a hottie and probably why I loved going to karate. I loved men so much that I wanted to be them. I dressed in boy’s clothes, even boy’s underwear, and occasionally asked my parents to call me Michael. Now, you’re probably thinking: “Wow there is a lot to unpack here.” But this was 1997 and my parents just went along with it, not really caring as long as I went to bed when they told me to. While others may think something entirely different, I just chalk this up to being that boy crazy. I didn’t start wearing dresses until I hit puberty….but I’m already getting off topic and I don’t want this to turn into an episode of Big Mouth. Let’s try and remain focused here: I’m an obsessive person.

This is my Kindle library as of March 20, 2020:

There is a home movie of my two-year-old self pointing to my Tweedy Bird hat excitedly. “I have Tweedy Bird on my hat!” I repeat over and over with a lisp, clearly very excited I had something I loved on an item of clothing. Even then, when I loved something, I was all in. 

Combine my obsessive personality with my attraction to the male species? We descend into madness, my friends. From cartoon characters, to television shows, to actors, to rock stars, to actors again. I obsess most over men I don’t personally know. Think 25 years of pictures covering walls. Merchandise. Staying up till 3 am diving into the corners of the internet for every last drop of information I could get. 

And it all started with Bugs Bunny.

Bugs Bunny was my first foray into fangirl territory. It was that episode when Bugs Bunny dressed as a Viking woman that drew me into the Bugs Bunny portal of obsession. I wasn’t attracted to Bugs Bunny in drag, necessarily; I was more fascinated by the idea of Elmer Fudd falling in love with Bugs Bunny. That Bugs was a character that could be loved romantically. I know this sounds really bizarre and heavy, but I fully believe that I was fascinated by romantic love that early in my life. 

Soon I didn’t stop talking about Bugs Bunny. I had an entire Bugs Bunny tracksuit, slippers, and a doll. There’s a picture of me in my entire ensemble while holding the doll, ecstatic. For my fourth birthday my mom made me a homemade Bugs Bunny Halloween costume. Bugs Bunny was even my imaginary friend for a bit there. I must have worn out the Space Jam VHS tape.

Note the Bugs Bunny watch. 

That’s childhood obsession for you. When I loved Pokemon all I would do was talk about it and dream about it. 

Then it was Digimon. In twenty six years, it hasn’t stopped. Up until December of 2019, it’s been one TV show after the other, examples being Avatar the Last Airbender, Total Drama Island, The Office, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Mr. Robot, Fleabag, Frasier, and most recently, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Harry Potter has always been a love for me, and I’ve been obsessed with two different book series: the comic books The Umbrella Academy (the show is a DISASTER compared to how good the comics are), and The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod (a book series about a vampire; as a bonus, see how many vampires you can count). A common theme for all of these things was the fact that I was attracted to a singular male character and their relationship to others.

In preparing to write this I wrote about 6 pages worth of notes, all ranging in obsession. To completely write about every single one would take a novel with each of my multiple obsessions being individual chapters. For example, during the Total Drama Island years I was constantly up till 3 am on the weekends making YouTube videos for the show. If you can find them...I’d be impressed. (But actually, please don’t.) I’ll try to provide a list and a little comment, as I split my obsessions into various categories. 

At 11, I discovered the Sprouse twins and my object of desire went from cartoon characters to actors. I was known as “the Sprouse twins” girl, specifically Cole, during sixth grade. This was the first time I covered my room and locker in posters. 

A year later, we jumped dramatically and came to my obsessive emo phase. While I listened to a lot of bands, my attention was turned mostly to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy and Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. (The latter I would later meet after MCR broke up when I was about 20 years old after his solo show,  and it was just as awkward as I could imagine). That’s when my room was completely covered in Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance posters. I wore a lot of black and those years were honestly my cringiest moments. Hey, we were all 13. 

I started to shift more from short, skinny, guyliner-wearing men and noticing tall, muscular, and handsome ones. I can pinpoint when I started to first feel sexually attracted to a man (at an appropriate age! I was going through puberty!) when I saw the trailer for Fantastic Four, and Chris Evans came out shirtless in a towel. Oh GOD what an ICONIC moment. Goodbye Sprouse Twins, hello six packs.

The summer going into high school, I saw The Dark Knight 3 times because of Christian Bale as Batman. He walked in wearing that tight black shirt and my expectations for men from there on out would never match up to Batman. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast seemed hotter now (you all know what scene I’m talking about), That attraction became the strangest when I remarked to my friend that Ultron was pretty hot for a robot. 

Maybe that’s why I love Kylo Ren so much. He’s the combination of two of my great loves: a buff emo. 

The high school years followed a somewhat similar pattern, but mostly actors more so than musicians. To be fair, in high school Fall Out Boy broke up and didn’t get back together till I was in college, and My Chemical Romance only released one album in my four years. So during high school and college there weren't really any “emo” guys or musicians to lust over. 

Now in 2020 I live in Brooklyn where every man and their mother is a “musician” so the whole idea turns me off. It was fun while it lasted though, and I’ll always be an emo kid at heart. I’ve seen Fall Out Boy 7 times in the last 10 years, and I paid an insane amount of money for My Chemical Romance reunion tour tickets. 

High school was a time where everyone was entering a more mature phase of their puberty journey, and for me, that was lusting after men over the age of 30. I had a hella crush on Zachary Quinto (who I saw walk past me once in the Village and I almost pooped my pants) even though I knew he was gay. I went through a Freddie Mercury phase for a bit too, I mean, come on, that chest hair.

I had a few months lusting after Colin Farrell after seeing him in Fright Night (which I recently found out was written by my favorite Buffy writer! seventeen-year-old me foreshadowing the present). In The Phantom of the Opera I sided with the Phantom the entire time, wishing that I could be seduced through opera in a hidden Parisian cave. My mom introduced me to Ryan Gosling who became my dream man. While reading Great Gatsby I had a huge crush on Seth Meyers who I would imagine Nick Carraway as. He does sort of look like Toby McGuire? He was the first of many goofy men that would lead to John Mulaney, Rob Delaney, Nathan Fielder, Ben Wyatt, and Niles Crane. Chris Pratt still fits into that category, though he’s the perfect combination of goofy and buff. When The Avengers came out my senior year of high school, I saw it 4 times in the theater. 

The British invasion didn’t happen until my senior year and defined my college years, with posters of Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hardy, Michael Fassbender, Eddie Redmayne, and James Norton. My feet ache thinking about the times I waited in line at a movie premiere or a film set to get a glimpse of any of these gents. When I saw Benedict Cumberbatch on set in Boston my knees gave out. Domhnall Gleeson is also in that group of fine British men despite being Irish. It’s why I always have a moral dilemma whenever General Hux comes on screen in Star Wars. Twice I had a hardcore crush on Seth MacFarlane, going to the Ted 2 set living in Boston, waving to him as he got into his car. I would meet him again 3 years later when I worked on Harry, looking like a total disaster. But he said “hi” to me which sent me to cloud 9. I once waited in a lobby of a show to meet Lee Pace even though I didn’t see the show. 

All of these men at one point adorned my room, desktop background, dorm room (which was covered in posters, no wonder I rarely ever had a boy in there), and phone background. Today my phone background is the throne room scene of Rey and Kylo in The Last Jedi. Why do you think I had Tweedy Bird on my hat? I need my obsession with me at all times and I want the world to see. 

(Thank God tattoos are expensive and I was too young to get them during my hardcore obsessions. Imagine if I had a giant Total Drama Island tattoo on my back? I shudder.) 

While a lot of the attraction for these men was based on personality, looks, and accents, I also have a tendency to become enamoured with villains and dark characters. In 1999 I was in the movie theater seeing The Phantom Menace. Up until that point, there were virtually no children featured in Star Wars films, so when a young Anakin Skywalker graced the screen, my five-year-old heart would not stop beating. I loved him so much, I carried a Pepsi bottle with his image on it everywhere I went. I slept with it. My comfort blanket was a Pepsi bottle with a picture of a nine-year-old boy. 

I had the famous Phantom Menace poster with young Anakin Skywalker with the shadow of Darth Vader behind him. I distinctly remember my dad telling me in the theater, “That’s Darth Vader as a little boy.” When I saw Return of the Jedi my favorite scene was when Luke took off Vader’s mask, because you got to see Vader’s real face for the first time. That Vader actually was a human and not a monster fascinated me to the point of obsession which, as you probably have figured out, still carries over to the sequel trilogy. 

Bugs Bunny established my fanaticism, but Anakin Skywalker determined my type: men presented as villains but actually are redeemed over time. Through the years I think I’ve enjoyed getting to figure out someone. Their character is presented as one dimensional, and then even the tiniest thing that strays from that is seen as fascinating. There’s a great quote from an Adam Driver profile in the New York Times that I think encapsulates it: 

“A manner so resolute that when some emotion does manage to escape - whether through a glint in his eyes or the unpredictable undulations of his voice - that transgression can’t help but take you by surprise.” 

Now my therapist says that probably comes with my need to help and fix the real boys in my life. We both joked that our favorite character in A Haunting of Hill House was the drug-addicted little brother. 

I think it is totally unfair, because I know that I can’t personally help them... though ok, she may be a little right.

While I enjoy “complicated” from afar, it does subconsciously fulfill the need for what I can’t do in reality, which is being someone’s reason to change. Mostly through love. Turns out, in real life, it is far less romantic to be dating someone with a lot of emotional issues! Who knew! 

You decide for yourself. Here are all the fictional characters I’ve obsessed over who fit this category: 

-Kylo Ren (I mean, duh)

-Prince Zuko (the original Kylo Ren)

-The Phantom of the Opera (Thank you, Leslie Knope)

-Damon from Vampire Diaries

-Hot Priest from Fleabag (ok not a villain but he’s supposed to be a holy man and you think aw he’s never gonna...AND THEN HE DOES!) 

-Mr. Darcy (again not a villain but he was to Elizabeth at first!!!!)

-Duncan from Total Drama Island

-Draco Malfoy (that bleached blonde hair attraction still hasn’t gone away, oops)

-Spock in JJ Abrams’s last good movie Star Trek

-Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (oh if my heart could beat it would break my chest, how many times have I cried over that sweet platinum blonde baby?) 

Look, I know this is all fictional and in no way real. None of these men exist and are all a fantasy. Hey, I watch You and am extremely creeped out by Joe! I don’t root for him! I also hope I don’t stay this way forever. I really don’t want to be a Twilight mom. I’ve calmed down in my old age, ok? I don’t wait in the cold for hours at a stage door anymore, and I go on real dates now. I’ve even had a few boyfriends in my days who were nothing like the men I lusted after nor did I even compare. 

I completely agree that all these men would be horrible to date! Draco Malfoy was totally a bigot and bully. Kylo Ren killed his dad, and I have a good relationship with my dad, so I can’t really relate. And yes, Spike before he got his soul is nothing to wish for in a boyfriend, even if it was fun to watch him. Kylo Ren and Spike have killed multiple people. I’m not down to date a murderer. 

One day I’ll be able to consume something I enjoy and move on after a week. Growing up, mundane suburban life was a little more interesting when you get lost in a fantasy for a while. To be focused on something other than school, work, or even your own anxieties. If anything, I think my obsessive personality towards men in particular just pushes me to look for more and to yearn for more instead of being depressed that I don’t get to live it. I don’t just settle for the first boy to like me back. I strive to one day not to marry a celebrity, a comedian, or an anthropomorphic cartoon character, but someone who makes me feel like I’m the heroine of my own show. 

For now, I’ll just wait for the Phantom to spring me into his underground lair. 

Taken 2 minutes before I published this. 

[two-are-the-trees]

10 Best Twilight Zone Episodes

So I really love The Twilight Zone. It was one of the very first things I ever ordered from Netflix as a child (back when you had to have Netflix DVD’s mailed to you) and my whole family would gather around to watch each episode we recieved. Over the years, I have seen my fair share of the show and I always end up introducing my friends to my favorite episodes, so I thought I’d do the same for y’all in case you haven’t had the chance to check them out yet. Obviously there are many many good episodes and it was really hard to narrow the list, so this is all just personal opinion. Let me know what your favorites are if you have different ones! 

10. Little Girl Lost: This one is a family favorite and it may seem a little odd because the acting is a little hokey, but it’s so enjoyable to watch. It has one of the more unique premises of all the show’s episodes: Two parents wake up in the night to the sound of their daughter crying, only to find that she is nowhere to be found. They can hear her clearly crying out for them, but they cannot see her and she cannot see them. They do what anyone would rationally do in this situation: call their neighbor, who happens to be a theoretical physicist (I know, it’s pretty ridiculous) and he manages to find a sort of passageway to another dimension in the daughter’s bedroom wall. The way that the episode brings such insane scientific concepts into such an innocent setting as a little girl’s bedroom is pretty cool and the way they actually depict the other dimension is really trippy. It’s a neat little look at the theoretical concepts that got people interested at the time. 

9. To Serve Man: I think the ending of this classic is pretty well known in popular culture, but for those who don’t know, it’s one of the best twist endings of all time. I won’t spoil anything here, I’ll just say that it’s a story about what would happen if aliens really did land on earth. What’s cool about this episode is that they really do handle the idea pretty seriously, with all the world’s countries coming together, attempting to keep the event as peaceful as possible, while still hiring military experts and code-breakers to keep an eye on the strange invaders. Through the whole episode, you aren’t really sure when to let your guard down and who you can really trust, making the ending all the more unexpected. 

8. The After Hours: I don’t know if this one is really that popular, but it’s one of my personal favorites, mainly because they take such a mundane activity and turn it into an intensely mysterious ordeal. A woman named Marcia is just trying to buy her mother a present at a department store when she meets a strange saleswoman on the 9th floor, only to find out later that there is no 9th floor. Frustrations are high in this episode as all of the characters are confident in themselves, leading to Marcia fiercely arguing that her experience really happened to her, while everyone else fiercely argues that it didn’t. No one knows what is going on and it gets more and more ominous until we get a genuinely creepy climax in the closed department store at night, when Marcia is all alone and thinking she hears voices. This one also has a great twist ending that I really didn’t see coming when I first saw it, and it has now become one of my favorites for how unique it is. 

7. Time Enough At Last: This was the first episode of The Twilight Zone I ever saw and I think it really apeals to us introverted book lovers. A mild-mannered man just wants to spend all his time reading, but no one in his life seems to allow him the pleasure. His wife, his job, his friends, all of these aspects of his life are just obstructions in his effort to have some peace and reading time. They really make you feel for him in this episode, making all the other people seem like insentitive jerks. When an unprecidented tragedy strikes, it turns out that our main character might have just the chance he’s always wanted to read all he can. The ending of this episode is one of the best examples of irony I can think of. It’s pretty famous too but I won’t ruin it here. Let’s just say that everyone I’ve ever shown this episode to has the exact same reaction at the end: Throwing their hands up in frustration and yelling “Aaaaaaw come on!” 

6. The Hitch-Hiker: Talk about creepy, this episode will have you on the edge of your seat the entire time. A woman is driving alone on a cross country road trip when she begins seeing the exact same hitch-hiker in different places. It seems that he is following her, showing up exactly where she goes and trying to flag down her car. The sight of him begins to fill her with dread and she becomes more paranoid and desperate to get away from him. You feel like you are unraveling with the main character as you watch, with her internal monologue growing more and more panicked. The dark, lonely scenery as she drives through undeveloped countryside doesn’t help either. It’s chilling and heart-pounding the whole way through. 

5. Nightmare at 20,000 Feet: This one is an absolute classic with many selling points, the first of which being that William Shatner is in it. But besides that, this episode has such a specific set up, and yet I think everyone can imagine the fear of this situation, especially those of us who don’t like flying. A man is finally returning home after being released from a mental hospital where he was treated for a nervous breakdown involving an airplane. Now he must face his fear and endure the flight home in order to prove to himself that he can. During the stormy flight, however, he starts to see some suspicious sights on the wing of the airplane, but anytime he tries to warn anyone, the mysterious monster that he claims to see vanishes. It’s the perfect setup of characters and situation and creates a sense of intense frustration and paranoia as even the viewers aren’t exactly sure if the main character is really seeing this monster or if he is experiencing another breakdown. It keeps you guessing to the very end and makes you consider maybe traveling by train next time. 

4. The Shelter: I love when The Twilight Zone gets involved with uncomfortable moral dilemmas and this one is a doosy. A neighborhood party is interrupted by news that a missile is heading straight for the area and that everyone should take cover. The main character and his family hide in their bomb shelter that the rest of the neighborhood previously mocked them for building. Soon, all the neighbors, who were just earlier enjoying their time together, come knocking on the shelter door demanding to be let in. The main character refuses, telling them that he only has enough supplies for his family. The neighbors outside become more desperate and more vicious, fighting with each other and showing the truly hateful sides of their personalities. What is wonderfully horrible about this episode is that we get to see all of the characters devolve from loving, kind people, to absolute monsters with terrible prejudices hidden just below the surface. All it took was a threat to their own survival for all relationships and well-meaning to disintegrate. It’s a great example of people showing their true character in trying times. 

3. Living Doll: Everyone loves a good creepy doll story and this one is the original. A girl brings home a new toy doll, called Talky Tina, only for her stepdad to discover that it may not be as innocent as the package advertises. The doll begins to say disturbing things to him, but whenever he tries to show his wife or stepdaughter, the doll goes back to its usual catch phrases. The stepdad begins going crazy trying to get rid of the doll, frightening his wife and daughter in the process. Besides just the delightful creepiness of the doll herself, which is a lot of fun, what makes this episode great is that it kind of twists around who the villain of the story really is, leaving you on an ending that is dark, sure, but also carries a surprisingly good message. It’s an episode you won’t forget, just like Talky Tina’s famous lines. 

2. The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street: Another one of those morally grey episodes that I love so much; this episode takes it a step further than The Shelter by upping the tension and upping the violence. A quiet street is disrupted when a mysterious object flies overhead and everyone begins to believe that aliens are the cause when electronics start behaving strangely. People start to suspect that the aliens must have sent down a scout ahead of time and that one of their very own neighbors is really an alien in disguise. It gets really dispicable as people start to reveal just how suspicious of their neighbors they have been all along, admitting to spying on each other, holding prejudices, and even going after children. The situation is tense and no one knows what to believe as the conflict escalates to riot levels. No one is safe and no one is innocent, leading to all the darkest parts of society revealing themselves. The ending, one of my favorites in all of Twilight Zone, truly sums it all up and really makes you think about what we’re made of. 

1. Will The Real Martian Please Stand Up: If the last episode had one of my favorite Twilight Zone endings, then this episode has my absolute favorite ending. Two officers are investigating reports of a UFO that crashed in a lake, only to discover a trail of footprints leading from the lake to a nearby diner. Inside, they find a group of travelers and their bus driver waiting out the storm outside. The officers block the entrance to the diner and decide to have a good old-fashioned martian hunt, not letting any of the travelers leave until they figure out which one of them is the alien in disguise. The characters are all unique and memorable, each of them suspicious in their own way. It feels very much like a classic detective story or a game of Clue, but with that extra creepy sci-fi edge. Everyone comes up with their own theories and suspicions, including the viewers watching, and the experience of watching the episode is fun, chilling, tense, and extremely mysterious. You really want to know how it’s all going to turn out. The ending is absolutely perfect and one that I think really throws a lot of people for a loop. It’s a classic mystery with a not-so-classic twist that encapsulates everything great about The Twilight Zone. 

[wknc881]

The Saw's Favorite Songs of 2017

It’s that time of year again, where we count down our favorite things of the year while welcoming in the new year! I will be counting down my top 10 favorite songs that I have been listening to all year long. 2017 was a great year for metal, a lot of bangers and heavy hitters were released this year. Did any of your favorites make the list?

IMPORTANT!!!! I play these songs, along with many others, during my set on WKNC!! Come head bang with ya girl on Friday nights from 10pm-midnight! To listen online, go to WKNC’s website and click on “MP3” in the “High Quality” section. Don’t be lame, come hang out with The Saw!

10. Attila – Three 6

I’m back at it with my Attila jams. Okay, so this song came out on Halloween and I was ~~~SHOOK~~~ Attila is that band where party metal is acceptable. I honestly feel like I need to go to a rave or something after seeing them. This song goes back to their “heavy s***” as Fronz likes to put it, and I agree with him. This song is more of a banger because the anthem is so catchy. “If you’re down with the devil say hell yeah, I’m burning down your church like 666.” It reminds me of their song Party With The Devil and I’m vibing with it. The riffs are super chunky and that is a 10/10 in my book. Ever since I heard this song I instantly considered it a bop. Say what you want about Attila, they put out some really catchy music.

They seriously need to tour with BROJOB. I would love to see that, it would be super weird but very entertaining.

9. Make Them Suffer – Vortex (Interdimensional Spiral Hindering Inexplicable Euphoria)

This song is off Make Them Suffer’s newest record, Worlds Apart, and this is my favorite song off that record. It has that metalcore aspect that I like with the clean vocals but with riffs that still make it heavy. You just want to mosh it up and jump around when this song kicks in. The singer also throws in some “BLEIGH” that we all know I go insane for. Honestly how can you not get hyped when they start randomly growling weird things in the mic. Is it just me? Okay, moving on. The vocals are really great, you can hear the highs and lows, along with the harmonizing with the keyboardist. They incorporated a lot of different aspects in this song and they pulled it off. It is such a bop. I love it so much.

8. Code Orange – Forever

Code Orange snuck up on me this year. I’m really digging this band recently. I didn’t get to see them when they came through North Carolina… stupid finals. BUT this song is a banger, the opening riff just makes you want to bang your head. If this song was on a “try not to headbang” challenge… yeah, I would lose immediately. Jesus Christ the riffs in this song are just great, I listen to it almost every day because I love how chunky this song is. Their new record is such a bop 10/10 would check it out if I was you.

7. Volumes – Finite

Now this song is kinda mellow for me, but hey, it’s a bop. It is like my party song because I sing it when I’m in the shower. It's so groovy and I do some really weird dance moves when I play it. Honestly, Finite is just so catchy and the guitars really make it a bop. I feel like this song would be in some YouTube sorority recruitment video because it just makes me want to run around with my girlfriends and awkwardly smile and do hand symbols at the camera. But that wouldn’t happen because 1) I am not in a sorority and 2) they wouldn’t play this song in one of their videos.

6. Wage War – Stitch

You know I gotta put my boys in Wage War in here! This is the first song I heard off their new record “Deadweight” and if you’re sleeping on this band, you are definitely missing out. This band is going to be BIG; just wait. So again, going along with my theme of literally every song that made this list, the riffs are great. Briton’s voice is amazing and his deep growl that he does on the end makes me want to throw chairs around and mosh. You just want to bounce and headbang when this song comes on. They are literally one of the best metalcore bands that I have ever seen and heard. This entire song is so catchy and really shows how they are developing their sound. 

5. Arch Enemy – First Day in Hell

This is literally one of my favorite Arch Enemy songs of all time. Alissa’s voice in this song is really powerful and I love the eerie vibe that I get from the beginning. The reason I like this song so much is because of the chorus and how there is a breakdown after it. It’s a banger and will literally make anyone bang their head. Like I said before, if this song was on a “try not to headbang” challenge, I would totally lose. The guitars’ harmony is really beautiful and really make this song complete.   

  4. FRCTRD – Negative

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. FRCTRD is a new deathcore band from France and I am so happy that I discovered them. The guitars are really chunky in this song have some type of electronic sound in the background and it sounds so cool. The singers voice is very thick and his pig squeals are a major key. He can pig squeal and then transition to deep growls flawlessly. Now what makes this song so great is the ending. The breakdown at the end has me ~~~SHOOK~~~ it is an offbeat sound with chunky riffs that just make you want to go into total mosh mode. This band is something else, I love them.

3. Thy Art Is Murder – Puppet Master

This song is such a heavy hitter - oh my god. CJ’s voice is incredible and I can always tell when Thy Art is on because he has such a strong, distinctive voice. The drumming technique is amazing and really brings this song together. How this guy drums is awesome, I don’t know how he sits there with a straight face and pounds away. This song has a bouncy vibe to it that you can’t help but jump to. And when the breakdown hits, oh boy, its’s great. I can’t help but start jamming out when the breakdown hits. Puppet Master really sets the vibe of how their whole record goes.  

2.  Miss May I – Swallow Your Teeth

Obviously, I had to put one of my top favorite bands on this list. This song is a complete anthem and makes me want to bounce. The riff that starts in the first few seconds of the song reminds me of “Hero With No Name.” This is a sing along song that I really enjoy. The chorus is very catchy and has great harmony from Levi and Ryan. Speaking of Ryan, when he sings his clean vocals before the breakdown hits, oh my lord, it is beautiful. Then Levi comes in with an “OHHH” and BAM breakdown begins. I absolutely love it. The song basically talks about the fact that you shouldn’t put up with anyone’s crap and that people just need to learn when to shut up sometimes. It has a mainstream vibe to it that I can see being played on the radio (minus the cussing), but all in all, it's a banger and you should check it out.

Dying Fetus – Fixated on Devastation

If you listen to my DJ sets on Friday nights, then this song shouldn’t be a surprise (and if you don’t listen to my set, what’s up man? You’re really missing out). This song starts off like a typical death metal song but then it gets groovy. AND I LOVE THE GROOVE TO THIS SONG!! I do some weird dance move with my hands that I can’t really describe but it’s great. They played this live when I saw them at Summer Slaughter and I automatically fell in love with it. If you could dance to death metal, this would be the song. It has components of death metal that are very traditional but then they start jamming with a groovy breakdown that I have never heard another band do. Around the last few minutes of the song, they start to groove again and bring in a slow breakdown that just makes me lose my mind. When the groove starts with the guitars, and the deep growls, it is impossible to stay still. This song is an automatic bop. If you are trying to get into Dying Fetus start off with this jam, you won’t regret it.

  The Saw  

[aylee-ann]

(and in a crowd of people) you are the only one I see

(Inspired by this prompt in which Baekhyun buys so many of Yixing’s second album that he accidentally wins a place at a fan meet) 

pg-13/ romance, humour, slice-of-life, baekxing (cause you can never have enough of that ♡)

-

The lack of a certain person in his life for most of the year has turned out to be more of a struggle than Baekhyun could ever imagine. EXO's been busy promoting their new album and doing concerts, while Yixing-- oh, his Yixing-- has been busy with his schedules in China. The political conflict China and South Korea are (still) involved in isn't making things any better. What seemed to be a separation of a few months top is now slowly becoming a full-year one with only quick encounters in between that don't really count.

He's only seen Yixing in the flesh twice in the span of 10 months. Truth be told, both times were so fleeting he sometimes wonders if they were even real to begin with. Yixing never stayed for too long. Long enough to assure Baekhyun that he wasn't a figment of his imagination, but not long enough to make Baekhyun miss him any less. Knowing that he'd pack his things and leave in a day or two made Baekhyun miss him even more despite his presence.

-

 Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and Baekhyun feels like he's going crazy from this terrible Yixing drought which is at its worst after months of not breathing the same air with his favourite person. This, on the other hand, has led to Baekhyun's life mission of buying as many albums possible when Yixing drops his second album-- his second son as he so lovingly calls.

Baekhyun's pre-ordered ten copies each time from numerous Korean and Chinese websites. It took him half an hour to register an account and get the hang of ordering from Chinese websites. If it were for Yixing, Baekhyun would be willing to go through fire and water— anything, really. He's even getting on the other members' nerves so that they'll purchase extra copies of Yixing's album. The other members have tacitly agreed upon the tactic to simply show him a screenshot of a recent purchased Yixing album whenever he throws a fit.

-

Baekhyun proceeds to order a bulk of Yixing's album on the day of its release. He's even borrowed Suho's credit card for the sake (saying that it was an emergency). Baekhyun doesn't dare thinking about the moment Suho checks his credit balance and storms into his room, eyes filled with rage.

He remains unscathed until the third day. When Baekhyun comes home (with a couple of Yixing's albums purchased at some nearby stores in his bag) that afternoon, he's met with the other 7 members looking at him disapprovingly.

"Baekhyun," Suho says at length, taking a few steps closer. To Baekhyun this sounds like the start of hour long lectures he won't have the heart to remember. "We know you love Yixing. I mean, we all love Yixing. And Yixing loves you too," Suho clears his throat, falling into a long silence before continuing.

"But this seriously has got to stop. You've bought hundreds of copies of his album already. I doubt we have enough space for them. Jesus, you can probably make a castle out of those albums."

"Yeah, maybe I should," Baekhyun ponders despite Suho's death glare. Baekhyun can see Sehun, Kai, and Chanyeol doing their best not to burst out laughing from the corner of his eyes. "It could be Yixing's sleeping place when he comes back." Baekhyun beams from ear to ear just at the thought of it.

"You've even gone over the credit line, for god's sake!" Suho goes into hysterics, not even batting an eye. Without another word, he sticks out his hand demandingly. "Give me back the credit card, Baek. You barged into my room at 2am, crying and saying it was urgent. This is obviously not something one would label as an emergency."

Sehun and Kai snicker softly at the back, immediately covering their mouths when Suho turns around. DO kicks Sehun in the shins with a warning look while Xiumin only shakes his head. Chen's half-heartedly listening to Suho lecturing Baekhyun while checking his phone every other minute under the coffee table.

Baekhyun ends up having all his credit cards confiscated, even the one he hid under the floor tile just in case. He was already thinking of using it for this occasion, but Sehun (that brat) had to rat him out.

"It's only fair this way," Sehun said, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. "You sold me out last time I asked for a favour."

"It wasn't my intention. It just slipped from my tongue, I swear," he tried to defend himself only to receive Sehun's cold glance in response. If there's anyone holding grudges, it's Sehun. It's just bad luck for Baekhyun that he happens to be the one in the receiving end, especially during this critical period.

 Baekhyun refused to have dinner as an act of rebellion in the hope that Suho might show mercy and give him back his credit cards. This foolish action has resulted in not only a no-show of his credit cards, but also an empty stomach. That night, lying in bed with a foul mood and a grumbling stomach, Baekhyun receives a message from Suho himself (also known as the root of all his problems at this point).

 I know you're mad at me, but I am only doing this for you. I'm sure there are other ways to show how much you love and care about Yixing. If you come up with anything that does not involve buying another copy of Yixing's album, we're happy to help :)

 He knows it's in good faith and that Suho is actually doing him a favour by finally putting the brakes on his insane album hunt. For Baekhyun, doing this means a whole lot more than Suho can imagine. Love is blind, people say. If blind is buying as many copies of the same album as possible, Baekhyun's all for it. So he leaves the message on read because that's as petty as he can go and tries to fall asleep.

 -

 Yixing calls at an ungodly hour the next morning, stirring Baekhyun awake.

 “Morning, sleepy head,” Yixing says cheerily through the phone.

 Baekhyun groans, eyes still closed as he puts his phone above his left ear. “It’s 5 am, Mr. Zhang. Unlike you, I am enjoying my days off. Your timings are always the worst. Gosh, I hate you,” Baekhyun protests, burying his face into his pillow.

 “I know,” Yixing chuckles, filling the silence with his laughter.

 “I hate you,” Baekhyun groans louder, “I can’t even see the dimple on your cheek now. What’s the point of having you as my boyfriend now? You’re deliberately doing this to torture me, right?”

“Of course not,” Yixing says gently, heaving a sigh, “I’ve got to go now. It was nice hearing your voice though, I’m recharged for the day. I miss you.”

 “I miss you, too” Baekhyun says, making a kissing sound and hangs up. It usually takes them half an hour to truly get to the part where one of them has the audacity to hang up on the other. Yixing’s been much busier lately which is why Baekhyun has decided to become the stronger one and make things easier for his man.

He suddenly receives a notification from his email account. Blinking, Baekhyun proceeds to read the whole email, his mouth opening wider towards the end of the email. He lets out a strangled shriek when he reaches the final sentence.

 Byun Baekhyun has won a place to Zhang Yixing's next fan meeting in Shanghai.

 Chen and DO come storming into his room upon hearing his loud, shrill scream at the crack of dawn.

 "What happened? Is something wrong? Did something happen to Yixing?" Chen asks breathlessly, poking his head into Baek's room.

 "Just because you're up doesn't mean others should be as well, Byun Baekhyun. You can have your screaming sessions later in the day," DO mumbles threateningly, shoving Chen aside.

 "I love you two, a lot," Baekhyun sing songs, giving them a huge group hug and plants a kiss on their cheeks.

 DO steers clear of Baekhyun after the morning confession, while Chen announces he will be in his room for the whole day and does not want to be disturbed in anyway, even Xiumin is not allowed to interfere.

Even the others feel a weird energy coming from Baekhyun, who's been flashing his rectangular trademark smile non-stop for the whole day. (It's up to the point where Suho even considers giving him back his credit card in fear of Baekhyun going berserk.)

 -

 After weighing the options and whatnot, Baekhyun’s dead set on going. He’s going to make a surprise visit, go undercover, and get Yixing’s signature on one of the albums. Everything's going smoothly and nothing-- absolutely nothing-- can spiral out of control this time. Baekhyun's carefully double-checked his schedule to make sure that there aren't any clashes on the day Zhang Yixing (the love of his life) holds the fan meeting. The tickets are booked, his travel bag is packed. The only problem is explaining his sudden disappearance to Suho, who's got incredible skills and hawk eyes when it comes to this matter.

He's tried asking every single member to cover for him, but none of them seem remotely interested in giving a friend in need a helping hand. The thing is, Byun Baekhyun does not back down. In the face of challenge, he only emerges stronger and more determined.

 By the end of day, Xiumin concedes, agreeing to lie for Baekhyun.

 "What are you up to by the way?" Xiumin asks curiously, lowering the book he's been reading.

 "That's a secret," Baekhyun flashes him a grateful grin. "I'll send you pics."

 "If you get me into trouble with Suho because of this, I'm spilling the beans about that one time you—"

 Baekhyun hurries over to cover his mouth, "Bloody hell, are you planning to get me killed? Do not ever mention that when Suho is literally in the next room," Baekhyun hisses in whisper tone.

 "I don't think it will cause much trouble. It might land me a detention of 2 weeks, but I doubt that he'll do anything to you. I mean, you're the hyung,” Baekhyun adds.

 "Alright," Xiumin sighs, praying for dear God that he hasn't just signed up for hell.

 -

 Baekhyun sneaks out of the dorm at around 4 am in the morning with the help of Xiumin who calls him a cab and accompanies him down to the foyer.

 “Good luck, Baek. Whatever you’re doing, Yixing knows you love him,” Xiumin says, patting Baekhyun’s shoulders.

 “How did you—?”

“Whenever you talk about something that’s Yixing related there are hearts in your eyes. You’re normally a weirdo but when Yixing is involved you become a lunatic,” Xiumin shakes his head although the corners of his lips are slightly tugged up.

 “I’ll take it as a compliment,” Baekhyun grins, giving Xiumin a big hug.

 “Oh, and there’s something else,” Xiumin says at length, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, shoving a thick envelope into Baekhyun’s hands. “There are some letters I wrote for Yixing. I was hoping you could hand them over to him.”

Baekhyun grins, nudging Xiumin in the elbow. “Aww, I love that my man is loved,” he says, carefully placing the envelope into his bag.

Xiumin heaves another sigh, before taking out another thicker stack of letters from his bulging left pocket.

“The others know you’re going to Yixing’s fan meeting. They want you to hand over these letters as well.”

 Baekhyun is speechless for a split second. “How did everyone figure out?”

“Sehun connected the dots,” Xiumin says, chuckling, “Yixing skyped us yesterday when you were in your room wondering why you keep talking about his coming fan meeting 24/7. Sehun came up with the answer after the call.”

 “Does Suho know?” Baekhyun asks anxiously. The cab has finally arrived, coming to a halt in front of them.

“I’m not sure. He wasn’t with us yesterday so I guess he isn’t aware of you flying to Shanghai yet.”

“Alright, I’ll be back by tonight. Help me out guys. Keep in mind that I’m delivering letters and love to our Yixing.”

 Xiumin nods his head, signalling Baekhyun to stop ranting when he opens his mouth to say something else. With a cheery good luck and another supportive pat, Xiumin shoves Baekhyun into the cab and motions for the driver to leave.

-

After a two-hour flight, Baekhyun’s finally made it to Shanghai. In the meantime, he’s found a suspicious envelope in his rucksack when rummaging for his small notebook. He sees Suho’s handwriting at the front. A neatly “To Yixing” written at the bottom right with a heart drawn next to it. Baekhyun shakes his head laughing, making a mental note to tease Suho later when he gets back.

He takes a cab to the fan meeting location and plots his entrance during the drive. He doesn’t want to be recognized by anyone and draw the attention to him on this special day. He’ll just try his best and keep it cool. His goal is simple: getting a quick glimpse of Yixing, delivering him what would seem like a stack of fan letters and having his copy (one of his many ones that is) signed by Yixing. After that, he’ll get the hell out of there before Yixing or anyone figures out his true identity.

There are hundreds of Xingmis around, frantically talking about something he assumes to be Yixing related. His limited Chinese enables him to pick up on some certain phrases, but he’s not efficient enough in the language to contribute to the conversation. He almost slips his tongue, screaming yes, me too when he overhears a group of male Xingmis at the far back expressing their love for Yixing. Baekhyun’s standing in line, nervously fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, inching forward at the speed of a snail, trying his best not to do anything Baekhyun stupid.

In his head, he’s practicing his pose, the things he’d say. Baekhyun’s written an essay-long speech in Mandarin but he’s barely remembering the first few lines after the flight. Maybe he’ll just say a couple of things in Korean and pretend to be an exchange student. Number one priority when it’s his turn is to keep his head down and avoid eye contact at all cost. Even a split second will make him swoon and send him to cloud nine. He might not be able to contain himself and jump into Yixing’s arm.

He'll not only land in Yixing’s arms (which is in this case a dream come true, indeed), but also on the front page of the newspapers the next morning that will take China and Korea by storm (sadly). So Baekhyun balls his fists, bites his lips and takes a deep breath. He can do this, he can control himself for the sake of Zhang Yixing.

Easier said than done. The closer he gets, the more anxious he gets. The clearer his view of Yixing gets, the more he yearns to actually see him and have him smile back at him with dimples poking out from his cheeks and stars in his eyes. The mere thought of Yixing mouthing ‘I love you’ to him already makes his knees go weak.

 ‘Get yourself together,” Baekhyun shakes his head vigorously, taking in a deep breath. ‘You can do this.’

 With his head still down, Baekhyun pulls out the stack of letters from his bag and the album he wants to have signed. He’s only 5 people away from Yixing, and his heart is already on the verge of exploding.

 “Hello,” Yixing greets him cheerfully, looking a bit confused when Baekhyun does not respond or look up.

“Hi,” Baekhyun manages in Mandarin with an awkward wave. “I’m an exchange student from Korea. A big fan,” he mumbles, tripping all over his own words.

“Oh,” Yixing flashes him a genuine smile that radiates gratefulness and admiration. “Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me,” he says in Korean, taking the album from Baekhyun’s trembling hands.

“What’s your name?”

 “You can just write B.”

 “Just B?”

“Yes, just B,” Baekhyun feels his whole face burning up. He’s only stolen a few glances at Yixing whenever Yixing wasn’t looking straight at him. “I’ve got some letters for you,” Baekhyun says, placing the letters on the table.

“They’re not all from me though,” he quickly adds as Yixing’s eyes shoot up at Baekhyun at the sight of the pile.

“My friends love you, too. A lot even,” Baekhyun explains, cursing himself inwardly. If any of his members knew he said something this cheesy, he’d probably spend the rest of his career sleeping on the couch.

 Too embarrassed of what he’s just blurted out, Baekhyun shoves the album he’s been handed back down his bag, bows Yixing goodbye and darts towards the exit. In retrospect, attending this fan meeting isn’t such a genius plan. It did sound like one when he set it in motion though.

 -

Exhausted, he passes out in his hotel room and doesn’t wake up until a couple of hours later. Baekhyun heads back to the airport with a mixture of inexplicable emotions. A part of him is bothered that Zhang Yixing did not for a split second suspect him. He went along with it as if Byun Baekhyun was truly just some Korean exchange student meeting him for the first time.

His flight is delayed for almost two hours, and boredom is truly testing Baekhyun’s patience. Flopping down the couch in the waiting area, Baekhyun heaves a loud sigh. He truly hates himself for complicating things and overthinking the situation, but he can’t really help himself. Baekhyun observes the people around him, counts the number of ATM boots, reads anything that is within his own level of Mandarin. He does the silliest things to while away the time.

 He’s tempted to gate-crash Yixing’s after party or whatever is on his schedule and give him a big hug, taking the mic from the MC and just announce to the world that Yixing is his. Baekhyun cringes at his own thoughts and shifts to a less dramatized scenario. Anything would suffice at this point, even Yixing whispering Baekhyun’s name would have been a moment he’d be happy to die with.

“Passengers booked on flight BX 0710 to Seoul please proceed to gate 7 to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Thank you.”

The sudden announcement pulls Baekhyun out of his stupor. Baekhyun stumbles forward, almost landing on his face. He walks towards his gate, fishing his ticket and passport out of his bag. Baekhyun freezes in his spot as the bits of Yixing’s handwriting flashes across his eyes. Baekhyun pulls the album out, carefully examining the message written beneath Yixing’s signature he did not see in his haste to get away just then.

The feeling is mutual, B ;) Love you x

As if that wasn’t enough of a surprise, Baekhyun is even more taken aback when he sees a familiar someone in jeans and a grey hoodie with half his face covered walking towards him. He naturally takes Baekhyun’s hand and slips his fingers into his.

“Well, hello there,” Yixing says in his heavenly voice with a half smirk Baekhyun can still see despite the face mask.

Baekhyun’s heart skips a bit, colour rushes to his cheeks. Baekhyun blinks, feeling like he’s awoken from some sort of trance. The end of the world is cancelled, the earth is still spinning on its axis,  and life— well life is all good again.

[revjess-flradio]

The Top Ten Bad Horror Movies That I Love

Not ranked in terms of love, just listed.

10. Stay Alive: The Director’s Cut (2006)

This movie is not good. Not good at all. It’s a cheesy as shit, supernatural horror movie that was pushed heavily by Game Informer, simply due to its plot. The film tells the story of a video game (that is basically a Resident Evil/Doom clone on PS2) that kills you in real life if you die in-game. Few things are redeemable in this film. The biggest names in it are a post-puberty, mid-Malcolm Frankie Muniz and one of the McPoyle Brothers. The rest of the crew is just sort of there. It’s worth seeing once for sure, simply for the novelty of it. I think I love it because I watched it so much when it came out. I searched through so many Exchanges, Blockbusters, and Wal-Marts trying to find it. When I finally did, I wore the DVD out.

9. Thir13en Ghosts (2003)

This big budget horror movie, inspired by William Castle, was the first from Dark Castle Pictures. It had a decent team of producers, including super-producer Joel Silver.

It tells the story of a family who moves into a futuristic house after inheriting it from a sketchy uncle. Everything seems cool at first, but, SURPRISE! There’s a gaggle of ghosts in the basement. What follows is a ridiculous haunted house movie with some decent effects and a decent cast (Tony Shaloub, Matthew Lillard, F. Murray Abraham, etc), but also insanely stupid writing. My dad and I watched this movie once together. My sister and I watched it about 20 times in 3 months. They had a special feature on the DVD that was individual stories about each ghost, and we had each one memorized. If you’re looking for a fun time with a bad film, you really can’t go wrong with this one.

8. Bride of Chucky (1998)

This movie is, without a doubt, the beginning of the end for Chucky. Admittedly, all of the Chucky movies are stupid. Yet, this one has something about it. At least, they were smart enough to go with horror-comedy with this one. I was 5 years old when this came out and I fucking loved it.

Chucky is back, baby, and ready to walk down the aisle. Along the way, two teenagers in the same situation get taken hostage by the two dolls, and what follows is a stupid, plot-hole filled, campy mess. But, goddamn, it’s entertaining.

Going back a few years later, it’s clear that I was an idiot as a kid. The whole movie is stupid, but hey, at least it’s funny. That is the one thing it has going for it (well, that and seeing Jennifer Tilly in leather outfits). It gets bonus points for the first Chucky kill, in which Chucky takes out a guy who is, in no way whatsoever, a Marilyn Manson ripoff.

7. Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror (2006)

Hey, kids? You like Snoop Dogg? You like Tales From The Crypt? Well, you’ll dig Hood of Horror. This anthology film tells three stories in the Hood of Horror, each one hosted by Da Cribkeeper himself, Snoop D-O-Double G.

Each story has an urban take on common horror movie tropes, which, admittedly, is an interesting concept. It also has a decent cast of “anything for a paycheck” actors like Ernie Hudson, Jason Alexander, and Danny Trejo. However, it is not good. It was released by Xenon Pictures, who I’ve only ever seen one other movie from which was TV: The Movie (from the other Jackass guys that aren’t Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera), which I absolutely hated. But, something about this one really stuck with me. It’s stupid for sure, but man, it’s a lot of fun.

6. Rob Zombie’s Halloween II: Unrated Director’s Cut (2009)

Once again, I’m going with the Director’s Cut because it is a better film. However, this does not make it good.

As much as I love Rob Zombie’s movies, there’s no denying that the sequel to the 2007 Halloween reimagining is definitely his worst one. He decided to add a lot of symbolism and hidden themes to a slasher film. They are certainly interesting, for sure, and it’s the reason I love it. But, there’s no denying that Rob Zombie cannot write dialogue to save his life. By focusing on the symbolism and less on the brutality that the first one was chock full of, it made the film suffer as a whole and it doesn’t feel like a sequel. If anything, it feels like some kind of weird arthouse version of Michael Myers. However, when the kills finally do happen, they are the standard brutality we have grown to expect from Rob Zombie. Plus, it seems that Rob Zombie shot his symbolism wad with his 2012 film, Lords of Salem. His latest film, 31 (2016), brought us back to brutal sadistic violence that he became known for with his Firefly family movies. Still, it’s worth seeing once.

5. Tusk (2014)

As a Kevin Smith fan, I love this movie. As a movie fan, I can admit that it is terrible.

The film inspired by a phony classified ad was made for a small budget and made less than 2/3 of its budget back at the box office. I saw it at an evening showing, the day it opened, with my wife…..and no one else. Not one single soul was in the theater besides us.

It tells the story of a podcaster who goes up to Canada and gets turned into a walrus by Michael Parks. Need I say more? Add a ridiculous Johnny Depp cameo, and you got a movie. If you don’t listen to any Smodcast network podcasts, you won’t get the movie or any of the inside jokes it contains and you aren’t expected to. You will probably hate the movie, to be honest. But, that’s okay. My wife hated it because she thought it was supposed to be serious. Then, she heard the podcast during the credits and she loved it.

4. Vampire’s Kiss (1987)

Here’s a shocker. There’s a Nic Cage film on this list that isn’t The Wicker Man (2006).

Vampire’s Kiss tells the story of a big shot at a publishing company who has a night with a neck biter and slowly goes insane, believing he is one of the undead. It is an attempt at psychological horror, but it ended up being an unintentional black comedy and it is the performance that should’ve won Cage the oscar.

This movie is campy, overacting gold. Nic Cave doesn’t chew the scenery. He rips it’s heart out, drinks the blood, cooks it up and swallows it whole. The whole movie is just him trying to one up his overacting in the previous scene. It is glorious. The movie is fucking awful, but it is glorious. Buy this movie, now. Don’t hesitate. It’s perfect for a group watch.

3. My Name Is Bruce (2007)

Bruce Campbell is a gift from the heavens. The man saved the world from the Deadite plague, not only in modern times, but in the middle ages. That being said, this movie is beyond B movie status. It was made for 1.5 million, grossed just under 200 grand at the box office, and was doomed from the get go, due to the extremely polarizing fan potential.

Bruce Campbell is recruited by a small town to fight a killer demigod who is threatening their small town utopia. It’s a super meta, super cheesy, fan service comedy horror movie that is by no means a good film.

If you don’t like Bruce Campbell, which makes you a terrorist in my book, you will not like this movie. However, since I view him as the 10th World Wonder, I fucking love this movie. It’s Bruce Campbell. Enough said.

2. Knock Knock (2015)

Keanu Reeves has such a strange film career. This is probably the best example. As much as I love Eli Roth, there’s no denying that this movie is terrible.

A devoted husband and father gets stuck in the fight for his life after he bangs two flight attendants and they decided to kill him. Along the way, we get to see so much overacting that Nic Cage would be so proud.

Keanu Reeves is the reason I love this movie. Specifically, the climax, in which he delivers a monologue in an attempt to defend himself. IT WAS FREE FUCKING PIZZA!

1. Freddy VS Jason (2003)

I fucking love this movie. As a kid, I had the entire NOES collection and had watched all the FT13s multiple times. When this was finally released in my 4th grade year, it was like Christmas. Looking back, yes, it is bad. Really bad. But, man, I love it.

The nu metal soundtrack, the one liners, the clearly-a-Jason Mewes-ripoff stoner character, the stupid fights, the thrown together story. My god, it’s fucking brilliant.

[oselatra]

'Survivors Guide to Prison' tackles a broken criminal justice system

More movement than movie.

Living in America means that your chances of going to jail are higher than they'd be anywhere else in the world. "Survivors Guide to Prison," the 2018 documentary film from producers David and Christina Arquette and director Matthew Cooke, provides those statistics and details the necessary steps to take if you find yourself looking at a prison sentence. It also explores the deep dysfunction in the United States criminal justice system through the tragic stories of real people who experienced it firsthand, including two men who spent decades in prison for crimes they did not commit. The film screens at 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Aug. 25, at CALS Ron Robinson Theater, and a discussion with Cooke and the Arquettes follows.

Can you give a quick summary of what "Survivors Guide to Prison" is about?

David: "Survivors Guide to Prison" is a look at our failed prison system. We follow the experience of three people who are wrongly accused. We tell their story and, through the process, give you tips on what to do if you get arrested, since you have more of a chance of going to jail in America than anywhere else in the world.

Christina: Some of the people in the film — like Bruce Lisker, for example, Reggie Cole, Susan Mellen, all of them — spent decades behind bars for murders they did not commit. But what's interesting about the film is that it doesn't just talk about the wrongly accused, but about those who did commit crimes and did go to prison, and how they're treated and how inhumane the conditions are. By the end of the film, we hope to offer up solutions and hope. That's why, at the end, we close the film by saying, "This is not just a film, it's a movement," because we hope to get a conversation going.

It's unusual to hear people who have gone to prison referred to as survivors, as opposed to inmates or prisoners. Could you tell me about the choice to frame it that way?

David: Yeah, exactly. When you say prisoner or inmate, it typically dehumanizes them. It takes away the fact that they're people who have made mistakes. But who among us hasn't? So, the idea behind that is, you know, you are a survivor if you make it through these terrible conditions. Matthew [Cooke] specifically wanted to identify it that way so that it would bring some empathy.

And saying things like this, we're not in any way trying to minimize the crimes that people have done, or the pain that the victims have gone through. But the fact of the matter is that the system is broken. It's not working.

Christina: Also, statistics-wise, there are over 5,000 jails and prisons in the United States. That's more than we have colleges and universities. The reason we decided to call people like Reggie Cole a survivor is because he actually had to kill another man while in prison to have his first case even looked at. And when they looked at his first case, they discovered he never should have been in prison in the first place. So we decided, you know, Reggie really is a real survivor. It wasn't like a joyous occasion when he was released from prison. He was scared. He didn't have resources necessarily to get himself back where he wanted. He has a daughter, and he's trying to be a great role model to her and keep himself positive.

You know, it's just horrific, some of these stories. While I know people that have gone to prison — and David taught an acting class at San Quentin, so that was his personal experience — as a mother or human being not to stand up and say something about a broken, corrupt system like this just doesn't feel right. So, that's why we got involved.

Toward the beginning, the film mentions that the average American commits three felonies a day.

Christina: Without even knowing it! Because there are so many laws on the books. Yeah, it's kind of shocking.

It is shocking. What would you say to someone who might contend that if you don't commit any crimes, you don't have anything to worry about?

Christina: That it could happen to you. Same as Reggie says very clearly in the film. There's also another case that's laid out where a grandfather and his daughter enrolled her child in the wrong school district and the grandfather went away and never came home. I mean, it's insane. I think that it could happen to you. It could happen to anybody.

Can David talk about his experience teaching the acting class?

David: I went to San Quentin with Sundance Channel, and the people that I was working with were making films about their experience. Short films. It was eye-opening. How hungry for knowledge they were, how excited they were to create. They really got joy out of it.

I mean, that's part of the process. You have to give people a direction and some self-worth, and we're such a society of punishment. And the punishment model has been proven not to work. In the way we raise our kids, and just in society in general.

It was great working with them. There were also moments where I had them doing an improvisational exercise, and it got a little tough, you know ... they're tough dudes. You don't want someone to make fun of someone during an acting class and then they get out and really get upset with each other. So it was tricky. But it was a great experience.

If punishment doesn't work, what does?

David: Rehabilitation, therapy, the arts. When victims of crimes present their experience.

Christina: Restorative justice programs.

David: Yeah.

Christina: They're very hard to execute. But you see them in the film; you'll see a mother who lost her son to a violent crime, and she's speaking to a group of men and women who committed crimes very similar. There's a healing process that happens between the victim and the offender, and that healing process has proven to be incredibly effective and is one of the many programs that we discuss. There's all sorts of things — meditation and, like David said, arts and therapy and education.

David: If you get a master's degree in prison, you have a zero percent chance of returning to prison. Everyone who's done the master's degree in prison has never returned. So that alone just shows you.

What are you most proud of about the experience of making the film?

Christina: We did have the chance to take it to Capitol Hill and screen it there. That was pretty unbelievable. We were all just sort of taken aback by that experience.

David: For me, it's been seeing Christina become a producer on her first film, and she just knocks it out of the park. She was so unbelievable. That was my proudest moment.

Christina: Awww! And now being able to bring it home to Arkansas, that's really fun, because I'm from Arkansas. It means the world to me. We got to participate in the Bentonville Film Festival — which was an unbelievably well run film festival — and now, to be part of the Arkansas Cinema Society is just really special.

Since the mission of Filmland is to inspire Arkansas filmmakers, do you have any advice for local filmmakers?

David: This whole business ultimately comes down to self-drive. You propel your own career and experience, and it's full of rejection, but you can't take it personally. You just have to keep going. What's great about something like the Arkansas Cinema Society is that it's community-based, so if you involve people within the community that have been there before, find mentors that you can ask questions, and use the resources within your community — write a script specifically for a location that you know, or cast people that you work with or that are in the film or theater community — it just all comes together when you use those resources.

Christina: When I was a college student, I had a mentor named Dennis Swanson who was really a legend in the television news business, and the greatest piece of advice he ever gave to me was: Never be scared to ask. The worst thing you're going to hear is 'no.' Even to this day, when I email people and I'm kind of like "Oh, I don't know if I want to ask," the worst case you're going to get is "no." And that's not that big of a deal. Even if you get a no, there's always going to be a yes somewhere else.

'Survivors Guide to Prison' tackles a broken criminal justice system