#man i haven't posted art here in forever. hey

[doodlemeimpressed]

— can't believe that I'm in pain / I need to disassociate / I just wanna be a good passenger

[poisonf0rest]

𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐜*𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫’𝐬 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐈, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐈𝐈

love and deepspace: zayne x fem!reader

tags: smut, teasing, guided masturbation, fingering, first time (kinda), pwp

word count: 9.3K what the fuck

synopsis: Between being in the midst of your medical residency and being an up-and-coming author, it’s safe to say your personal life has been placed on stand-still. That is, until your editor decided that your next novel needed explicit smut scenes. That is, until your mentor and boss ends up striking a deal for you to help with “inspiration” for said novel. That is, until you fuck Zayne four times and your life changes forever. - partially inspired by manga of the same name by Nae Awaji

original ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57209872/chapters/145519015

art credit: @/kaito_aii

You’re screwed. Fucked. Utterly damned.

Groaning into your desk, you slam your head down upon piles of patient records and old case files. 

You’re only halfway done with your medical residency and somewhere along the way turned your lifelong passion for writing into a successful side gig. So successful in fact, that it was single-handedly providing you with enough money to get by and complete residency.

After anonymously posting online for a decade, you signed with a publisher three years ago, on the exact same day you matched with your first choice cardiothoracic residency program here at Akso Hospital.

Needless to say, you haven't felt that magnitude of happiness in years.

You doubt you ever will again.

In the midst of your wallowing, your phone lights up: Michaela. It’s a follow-up to her previous messages, all with the same damn request. 

Michaela - Boss Man

checking in on my star, how’s that manuscript going?

talked to the director again to try and plead your case but she didn’t budge :( 

she said w current book trends the fans will go crazy for a few explicit spicy scenes

pluuuus she believes in your writing enough to know you’ll make it big! come on, star, you know I’m here if you need any extra help

You - Little Star

Hey Micheala

You cringe for a moment at how formal you sound, but honestly, you’re too burnt out from writer’s block to match your editor’s energy and too tired from today’s shift to push back any further. 

You - Little Star

No I get it, thanks for trying though

I’m almost done with the novel, it's just those scenes that are taking a little more time

And by a “little more time,” you mean you’ve tried writing and rewriting them over a dozen times just to cringe, delete, and scream into your keyboard. Over. And over again. 

It’s not that you’re clueless, you’ve read your fair share of erotica for inspiration and pleasure equally. But actually writing them yourself? That was a whole different story. Pacing, banter, and even making the right word choices without sounding like a repetitive pervert or absolute lunatic were all so much harder to do than you previously gave authors credit for. 

Not to mention, you haven’t actually experienced a lot first-hand.

Beyond a few situationships in high school and undergraduate flings between pre-med classes and internships absolutely kicking your ass, you’re probably half as sexually experienced as most adults your age. And you had absolutely no intention of re-entering the dating scene with residency, until now. 

With Michaela breathing down your neck about how these explicit smut scenes were a marketing goldmine and the combined stress from your jobs, it seems like you’ve been fighting a losing battle. This time, however, your main income was on the line. 

You groan  as another ping lights up your phone, going to silence it when you realize it’s from the hospital Slack and not your editor. 

residency-CS-alerts

Dr. Zayne: Second look needed for a CMR scan. Nonurgent. 

Jumping to your feet, you sprint from the office wing to get to the MRI’s before another resident can take your spot. It’s not that your program lacked opportunities- far from it as you attend the top program– but rather that this particular opportunity was rare indeed.

Doctor Zayne. Akso Hospital's respected chief cardiac surgeon, who has made groundbreaking advances to the treatment of congenital heart abnormalities in neonates. At only twenty-seven he is the youngest recipient of the Starcatcher Award. His dedication to his craft is unparalleled, as he tirelessly devotes more time to surgeries than any other doctor you know, cementing his reputation as an unwavering force in the field.

He’s also impossibly tall, extremely well built for a man who seems to spend most of his time in the hospital, and has a face sculpted like a Roman deity in marble. And gods, his voice.

Safe to say, you admire him just a little.

You’ve bumped into him a handful of times during your first two years here, but the doctor was so engrossed in his work that the occurrence was rare enough. But a chance to perform with him? To consult alongside him on a cardiovascular case? 

You began to fear for your own heart’s safety as you felt it skip in your throat. 

Finally reaching the MRIs, you knock once before sliding the door to the control room open with a bow. And when you stand straight again, Dr. Zayne’s steel-set eyes only glance at you before he points to the readings displayed on the computer. 

“Tell me what you see.”

Your mouth is still hanging open from what was going to be a very enthusiastic self-introduction, but you cut yourself off with a cough and stumble over to the monitor. Dr. Zayne’s eyes follow you with a precision that makes your hands tremble, and you bend over slightly to scan the patient’s readings. 

You’re about ready to make a diagnosis when you realize you haven’t gotten much background on the patient.

 “What’s the patient’s briefing?” You look down, flinching as you see Dr. Zayne already staring at you. “If I can hear it, sir?”

He nods once. “An adolescent female with complaints of shortness of breath and coughing. She had no specific medical history, but grew up in the countryside unable to visit a proper clinic for several years while this issue persisted.”

Countryside… that could mean this was an undiagnosed issue that festered. 

Clearing your throat, you begin to point to the different scans. “Firstly, there’s clearly an enlarged cardiac silhouette.” Squinting, you point at two denser mounds in CMR scans. “Here and here. There are two large cysts along the lateral and inferior walls of the LV pushing and invading the myocardial walls.”

Gods, the cysts were huge. Even if surgery was performed on her now, would she survive?

Dr. Zayne’s low voice pulls you back into the control room. “Then what is your final diagnosis?”

“I–” you stutter, shaking your head. “I would recommend surgery immediately.”

“More detail than that, please.”

A sharp inhale and you scan the readings again. “Maybe a cannulation? The cysts might be causing an SVC compression, which would explain her shortness of breath.” You dare ask. “Will she survive?”

Dr. Zayne stands up this time. “You did well. She was my patient, and underwent surgery over a week ago.” He gently pats you on the shoulder, touch warm. “Our job as surgeons is to act decisively, to learn, and to try. Not to be heroes.”

You can’t manage to say anything back as Dr. Zayne leaves the room, the door sliding shut behind him.

_______

Surprisingly, you’ve been seeing more and more of Dr. Zayne since that day. 

And if that wasn’t enough, the doctor has also been actively acknowledging you, exchanging greetings and simple conversation when you pass in the halls, cafeteria, or shared cardiovascular wing of the hospital.

Not that you haven’t been putting in the effort either. 

Dr. Zayne’s current apprentice is graduating from residency this year, and you have every intention of becoming their successor. Between picking up extra shifts, answering every pager call, and of course paying special attention in case Dr. Zayne specifically requests a second pair of hands, you’ve been climbing up the ranks amongst your peers. 

Luckily, it seems those efforts have not been in vain. 

You’ve been doing so well apparently, that Dr. Zayne wants to meet with you in the hospital’s cafe today. Interviews before officially announcing mentor-mentee pairs was not unusual, but the thought of being one-on-one with Dr. Zayne after your last case together still has your mind reeling. 

Will he pull out old case files? Will he bring you to a patient and test you in real time? You have half a mind that he might pull out a custom-made test and timer. It seems on-brand enough to be a possibility.

Yet when you arrive, the cafe is completely empty, save for the staff and a familiar man in a white lab coat.

Dr. Zayne stands as soon as he sees you and beckons for you to sit, pulling the chair across from him out in the same movement. He clears his throat, a barely-there smile gracing his lips as he watches you settle down. “How have you been, doctor?”

“Good! Good.” The words rush out from you and you flinch, forcing yourself to slow down. Was the cafe always this small? “Discharged a patient today, so all good news.” Holy striped cows, if you say the word good one more time you might lose your mind.

“Well,” Dr. Zayne nods, taking a sip of something that looks like a far-too-sweet cup of coffee practically drenched in whipped cream. “That’s certainly good to hear.”

You die a little inside. 

“I’ll keep things rather brief since I’ve already made my mind up.”

Was this it? Did you ruin your chance at having Linkon’s top doctor as your mentor because of your damn mouth?

Dr. Zayne reaches inside his jacket, and you swear your heart is going to beat itself out of your throat. He pulls out a simple white envelope with your name scrawled across the front, the paper crisp as he slides it across the table. 

His fingers linger on the edges before he speaks. "I wanted to formally offer you the position to shadow me as my apprentice."

"I accept!"

The words fly out before you can stop them and Dr. Zayne looks stunned for a moment before laughing, a smooth and deep sound you didn't expect from him. He looked good when he smiled. Softer, content. 

The ghost of the smile stays, even when Zayne speaks again. "It's not a timed offer, you don't have to agree so quickly."

You flush down to your neck, looking down at the envelope. "Right. Only, it would be an honor to learn from you, sir. I really don’t know anyone in our field who wouldn’t accept it."

Zayne hums, but his brows furrow. “You don’t have to call me sir either. Doctor Zayne is fine while we are at the hospital. Zayne is more than acceptable elsewhere, we’re not that far apart in age and I don’t wish for this to be an overly formal relationship.”

You curse your heart for fluttering, reminding yourself that he only means this in a conductive, professional way. 

After a beat of silence, Zayne looks at the clock and stands, taking his sugar-filled drink with him. You never pegged him to have such a massive sweet tooth. 

"I have a consultation now, but I would like to talk to you more about your residency. We should set up weekly meetings outside of work, check your calendar, and organize it later.”

You nod and thank him as he walks away, leaving you alone to open the envelope. Inside is a simple handwritten note, signed and stamped with Dr. Zayne's official signature alongside Akso Hospital’s. 

A reminder that this was, in fact, not a dream. 

_______

It’s barely been a month since you’ve begun officially shadowing Zayne, yet you swear it feels as though a part of you has known him forever. 

Aside from his virtually frozen demeanor and tendency to make snarky quips at your habit of running your mouth, he’s been nothing but a patient mentor. Brief, direct, unrelenting, but attentive to your work and growth. 

If that were all, then everything would be perfect. 

If that were all, then you would be sticking perfectly to your ten-year plan: graduating early, completing residency under the top doctor in the top program, and then overtaking him as the top cardiovascular surgeon with a breakthrough of your own. 

But of course, the plot has to thicken. 

Sure, the first few weeks have been strictly business, but since then, your conversations with Zayne—Dr. Zayne—have morphed into more casual, more playful meetings. Your weekly check-ins have moved from the hospital cafeteria to a cozy family-run cafe in town that Zayne introduced to you. And the way you’ve begun to think of him was the most damning part of it all. 

But you don’t have the time nor capacity to deal with whatever this was becoming. 

Not when your novel’s deadline was in three weeks, and you still had absolutely nothing to show for it. Without this new novel’s money, you wouldn’t be able to pay for rent or food or transport, and residency sure as hell wasn’t giving you enough to survive off of alone. 

This past week, you’ve gone from stressed to a thundering cloud of misery. Snapping at interns, drinking dangerously over the FDA-recommended caffeine intake, and ignoring the maelstrom your face has become.

And of course, today happens to be your weekly check-in with Zayne.

Dragging yourself to your usual booth, you watch him order at the counter and bring his drink to the table alongside a signature pair of macaroons, a slice of chocolate cake, and an eclair. He sets it all down with a huff and sits, looking over at you with an iron-cold gaze. You can smell the incoming lecture. 

"You're late."

You dip your head, but your patience is running on reserve, and your reply has more bite than you’d dare use otherwise. "I'm sorry, it looks like I’ve lost track of time."

"You're never late." Zayne doesn't sound any angrier at your attitude, but it still doesn't settle the guilt bubbling in your stomach.

"I've just been really stressed. You know," you wave your hand, "wrapping up residency."

"Is that so." Zayne's gaze is sharp as he fights to maintain eye contact. It's not a question. "I've noticed. You've been distracted and irritated recently, and I can't help but wonder why. Is it really the hospital? Am I demanding too much aside from your typical resident duties?” 

You shake your head, and the guilt is back. "No, of course not."

"Then I have to assume it's something else, is it not?"

"It's..." How on earth are you supposed to explain that the reason why you're a mess is because your editor is pressuring you to write a smut scene that you have no interest in, let alone sufficient experience with? And to someone you admire, your mentor, Linkon’s top surgeon, and apparently now someone your heart is deciding to blackmail you with. "I'm sorry, Dr. Zayne. It's nothing work-related, it's not your problem to fix."

Zayne raises his eyebrow, leaning back in the booth and crossing his arms. “That’s the first time you addressed me as doctor outside of hospital property in over a month. ”

You really, really, can’t do this right now, or else you might start spewing some things you’ll regret. “Really? That’s fascinating, sir.” You watch him scowl at the title you know he hates. “Still does not entitle you to my personal issues.”

“As your mentor, it becomes entitled to me when your personal issues begin affecting your performance.” He says.

You bite the inside of your cheek, forcing your anger down. "It's really not something I can talk about here, nor to you. Can we just have a regular check-in?"

"We are."

“You know what?" You stand, chair falling back with a screech. “I think I need a rain check today, sir. You know. Stress.”

"You’re not leaving until you tell me what is bothering you."

You're about to grab your bag and walk away when you're suddenly reminded of how tall Zayne is when he stands. Practically towering over you, he leans across the table, grabbing you firm enough to prevent you from slipping away, yet never harsh enough to harm you. “Please, we’re making a scene.”

You sit. Zayne follows. 

Seeing just how reactive you’re being, he softens, genuine concern in his tone as he reaches an arm out. “Is it a family issue? Are you alright?”

“No. Yes.” You inhale deeply through your nose, but your mind is still reeling at a mile a minute. “No, it’s not a family issue.”

“So if it’s not about the hospital and not family, then what could possibly be causing you this much stress.” Zayne’s eyes narrow and you see his jaw tick. “Don’t tell me this foolishness is over a boy.”

“No! God,” you want to push yourself off a building. Or him. “No, it’s this fucking–” You’re rambling. You’re rambling, losing control, and you’re going to blurt it out and regret it. “It’s this smut scene!”

You’ve really outdone yourself this time.

Zayne chokes on his drink and slams the cup down, coughing as liquid comes out his nose. You flounder in panic, trying to help but he holds a hand up and turns, still coughing into his arm. You can only manage to pull out a few napkins, handing them over in a pathetic bundle.

“A…” Zayne almost seems to buffer, clearing his throat before looking back at you. “An erotica scene?”

Your face is burning. You can practically feel the heat radiating off of it in waves, and you have to remind yourself that writing is your job. A respectable, decent-paying, well-appreciated job that you do for the sake of womankind everywhere.

“I write for extra income alongside residency, and recently my editor got it into her head that we’ll sell even more with some extra spice.” You scoff, “But it’s been months of looking at a blank doc. Now the deadline is approaching and I still have nothing to show for it.”

Zayne doesn't say anything for a moment, and you have to check if he's breathing, or if the shock has killed him. Finally, he shifts back in his seat, adjusting his tie.

"That sounds like a difficult position to be in, doctor."

You look up, and Zayne has his arms crossed. It's an expression you're familiar with, one that means he's actually thinking about what you've said, but the way he says "doctor" now feels strange, almost as if the term has no place here.

"It's fine, I'll figure it out." This is also why you didn't want to tell him, as if Zayne has any place worrying about this on your behalf. “Besides, I’m as much a writer as a doctor, this is my job after all. I have to figure it out.”

“Of course. I’d expect no less." Zayne nods a little to himself, slightly dazed, and you scramble to find a way to change the subject back into something even remotely work-appropriate.

"Anyway, I've been keeping up with my rounds, and I think I've been able to handle more cases on my own recently, too."

"You have."

Zayne is quiet for a beat too long and you frown, tapping the table.

"Are you alright? I know this is a lot, I shouldn't have burdened you with it."

When Zayne faces you again, you watch as his brows furrow. "But if this is such a pressing issue…” He clears his throat, looking at a spot directly above your head. “Then, what if I helped you?”

You swear your head is spinning, his words ringing over and over and over in your mind. The only thing remotely in focus was Zayne’s face, far too close for comfort now, even across the table. Oh gods, you’re having this conversation in public, too.

"What do you mean by help, exactly?"

"If you’re in need of experience," Zayne's voice is low, but he still manages to keep eye contact, the intensity of it making you smile nervously. "Then I could offer my assistance. Better coming from someone you know and trust, yes?"

There’s no way you heard that right. Your mind blanks, but apparently your smartass mouth hasn’t. 

"Are you offering to be my fuck buddy? Sex consultant? My smut guide, if you will?"

A deadpan, “I would prefer the term sexual partner.”

Even the way Zayne says it makes it sound more like a business proposal than an actual proposition, and it throws you off guard. He leans back, trying to act nonchalant. "You did mention lack of inspiration was your main issue, correct?”

“Well, yes.” That, and your lack of any novel-worthy sexual experiences.

“And you have had—“ There it is again. Not quite embarrassment, and if you weren’t so tuned in to Zayne’s resting expression, you may not have noticed it, but there is a deeper furrow between his brows as his eyes evade yours, and the slightest tint of pink on the tips of his ears. “You have been with partners before, yes?”

The stoic, pragmatic, level-headed Doctor Zayne is embarrassed asking you whether or not you’ve had sex before.

You nearly laugh.

“Yes,” an amused giggle escapes you at the absurdity of this entire conversation. “I’ve been with partners,” you mimic, slightly mocking his word choice, “but it has been a while, and I haven’t really…”

Zayne moves to take another sip of coffee. “You haven’t?”

“I’ve never come. Orgasmed.”

And he chokes. Again.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry!” You jump from your seat to hand him yet another pile of napkins, but this time Zayne stops you halfway there, grabbing your wrist as his coughs subside.

Neither of you speaks as he drinks water and coughs once more, his grip still iron and far colder than you imagined it would feel against your bare skin.

“My apologies,” Zayne releases you immediately, going back to staring at his coffee as his hand flexes once. Twice. “Continue.”

You can only watch him in fascination, sitting back down in your chair. The entire time he avoided eye contact, and he was definitely blushing. You almost wanted to push further, to poke and tease and test his reactions, but you knew that would end with you losing your head. Or worse, you muse, heart fluttering against your chest.

“Ah, I mean, I’ve felt pleasure before. It’s not that my previous partners were unwilling to do stuff for me, I’ve just never gotten over that little plateau.” It’s not resentment that washes over you, and not quite embarrassment either. Just a little bit of dull apathy towards the subject. And yourself. “Biologically speaking of course I know it’s possible, but there are also plenty of women who simply don’t climax during sex. I’m probably just one of them.”

Zayne, who seems to have returned to his usual stoicism, frowns at that, mouth drawn taut as though he wanted to say something.

"And if we were to engage in sexual acts," He's so clinical, even as he says something that could send anyone else running. “Perhaps that is what you need to start writing again. It would make sense. To write a compelling,” he stumbles over the word, “erotica, you’d have to experience pleasure."

The gears in your mind turn, and slowly, it begins to make a twisted sort of sense. You'd have to feel it for yourself, to be able to describe the sensation, the passion, the tension with conviction. Perhaps it really would get you closer to finishing this damn book.

But then you remember who you're talking to. Doctor Zayne. Your coworker. Worse than that, your mentor and direct superior in your field, and someone you happen to admire very much. So then why would he…?

"What do you gain from this, Zayne?"

Zayne stiffens. “I’m a doctor, it’s my duty to help my patients.”

A sly smile cracks against your lips, and you prop your chin against your palm. “I didn’t realize I was your patient now, doctor?”

His eyes snap back to yours and he straightens, his demeanor slipping back to his typical formality. "You have a bright future in front of you. This is an investment in you, and I believe this will help us both. I will draw up a contract tomorrow for us to discuss, you can meet me in my office after your shift.”

“Rather formal,” you say, but Zayne doesn’t take the bait this time.

He simply takes another sip from his coffee, and you swear you catch him smiling behind the porcelain rim. “Then perhaps I could also get a signed copy of your next book?"

You scoff, waving him off as you slouch back in your chair. "Of course, I'll throw one in the mail the day it's out."

"It's a deal then.”

He’s about to push in his chair when you lunge from yours, grabbing his sleeve as his eyes widen slightly, looking down at where your hands meet. "Thank you,” a smile. ”Zayne."

His gaze softens and he smiles a bit, nodding. "Of course, doctor."

And with a wave, he's gone.

_______

You don’t know what you expected. 

Zayne seemed like the type to take his girl out to dinner first, probably somewhere obscenely expensive. He’d show up with a single rose or another simple but romantic gift so seemingly contradictory to his outward appearance. Afterward, maybe he’d take her to a show or somewhere with fancy sweets, knowing his taste. Then, after all that, he’d invite her back to his apartment or allow her to whisk him away to her place.

You’d imagine it would go something like that. But then again, the terms of your relationship are quite different then the one he’d have with this imaginary woman. So when he texts you after your shift that Tuesday asking if you’re free tonight, you’re only moderately panicked. 

To make matters worse, he’s at your house five minutes early.

Two knocks, and you scramble to open the door, Zayne nearly dwarfing the door frame as he lingers outside the hallway. His trenchcoat only adds to his natural tendency to command attention, and you feel more vulnerable than usual in your sleep clothes. 

“Fancy seeing you here, stranger.” 

Zayne adjusts his collar. “Do you mind if I come in?”

You tap your chin, pretending to mull it over in your mind, relishing in the slight nervousness your silence instills in Zayne. “It would be rather bothersome to fuck in the hallway, I suppose…”

Zayne shakes his head at the remark, but you can see amusement dancing in his eyes. With that, you step aside, and he ducks under the doorframe to slip inside. It’s as though something irreversible- something inevitable- shifts as you watch him cross the threshold, and it doesn't get better when you close the door and lock it behind him. 

You'd say he makes himself at home, but his stance is still too stiff, too awkward, even as he’s hanging his coat and slipping out of his shoes. It almost feels domestic.

"Would you like something to drink?"

Zayne shakes his head, "Not this time."

He says it so casually, and yet the notion of a next time has you dizzy. Of course there’s a next time, you’ll need more than one night to get inspiration. It was only a natural assumption, you reason with yourself. 

"You seem tense," he says, and then your back is against the wall.

Zayne leans down, hovering above you as his hand comes up to your waist. A tentative touch, and you give a small nod, feeling his arm relax, palm sliding further into the plush of your hips. He looks so good like this, in a work button-down with a thin sheen of sweat on his brow and his lips parted. Gods, and he’s not even trying- there’s genuine concern written in the way he scans your body with a deep crease between his brows. You hope he doesn’t notice how you squeeze your thighs tighter.

"It's the deadline, is all," you say, trying to brush off the question.

"Ah, of course. How inconsiderate of me. I’m supposed to be helping you and here I am making it worse.”

Zayne's voice is low and smooth. The cadence in his words, the slight drawl, is a sound that makes your heart skip a beat. It's a shame it's so easy to hide your arousal when you're this nervous.

“Well,” You smile, and his gaze flickers down to your mouth. “I suppose I can forgive you if you uphold your end of the deal.”

His stare is heavy, and it feels like the room is closing in. But you understand the man well enough to know that he wouldn’t dare move first, not until you asked for it, not when you have yet to set a precedent. So you loop your arms around his neck, forcing Zayne closer as his forearm slams against the wall to hold himself up against you. 

You nip at the lobe of his ear, smiling to yourself as he shivers with each warm exhale. Zayne’s hand has yet to leave your side while he lets you grind against him, guiding your movements as you groan against his neck. 

But Zayne feels you rush through the movements, a messy sort of impatience less from desire and more from routine. As though you wanted this done. As though you wanted him gone. 

You feel a familiar flutter against your core as Zayne’s knee comes up against your core, but when you move to grind against his thigh, the hand at your waist stops you. 

“I want to do this properly. You deserve—” he cuts himself off. Starts over. “Where would you like to do this?”

You’re about to tell him that right here is fine, not wanting Zayne to feel as though you needed any more special attention, when you realize just how serious he is. “Bedroom," you say.

Zayne hums, and the rumble reverberates throughout his chest. He offers a hand, and you take it.

And with that, you lead him to your room.

Somewhere between the span of your hallway and bed, Zayne seems to have decided how tonight will go. Despite your desperate touches, teasing up his body and luring him closer, Zayne slows his own pace, leaving burning trails traced with agonizing slowness over the curves of your body. Despite your fumbling to strip off your shirt, Zayne grabs your wrist, forcing it behind your back as his other hand teases the exposed skin of your ribs in a way that has you shivering. Despite your hushed complaints for him to just hurry up Zayne merely smiles in amusement, refusing to give you anything more as he scolds you with a click of his tongue. 

Zayne refuses to rush this. He wants to savor every moment, to etch the sight of you into his mind and commit it to memory, to relive it in this life and the next. 

He continues walking forward, each one forcing you to take a step back until your knees hit your bed, buckling as his form looms over you.

“The largest mistake in any relationship- sexual or not- is lack of communication.” He loosens his tie, “So if we are to do this, you have to talk to me. Tell me what you like, what you don’t.”

As he speaks, Zayne continues undressing, unbuttoning the top few buttons on his shirt before rolling up the cuffs so every glorious inch of his forearms is exposed. Your breath catches with each trailing vein, shadowed in the dim lighting up until they disappear under his sleeves.

Maybe you should write a Victorian-era piece next. Clearly, you had a thing for small swaths of exposed skin.

As if hearing your thoughts, Zayne undoes another button before his hands venture south. With a slow, deliberate motion, he unbuckles his expensive leather belt and allows it to slide through the loops of his pants. It drops to the floor, joining all the other articles of clothing as he takes a seat on the mattress, resting his hand on your bare thigh, inching closer and closer to where your sleep shorts have ridden up.

"Tell me what you like and don't like." Zayne repeats, eyes focused on yours, "And remember, you say no, and this stops."

Zayne moves painfully slow, his hands fluttering down your shoulders, breasts, hips, until he plants them behind you, caging you between his broad chest and the mattress. His hand slips under your shirt’s fabric once more, and you feel yourself tense.

You aren’t wearing anything fancy. After all, you were simply writing in bed, nearly falling off when you suddenly got Zayne’s text. Only a pair of shorts and a cami, but gods, when Zayne’s hands begin trailing up your stomach, dragging the thin fabric up with him, you really wished you put something sexier on.

He doesn't stop until his fingertips brush against the underwire of your bra, thick fingers slipping under the band as he practically tugs you toward him. "Can you take this off for me?"

"Don't know how to do it yourself?" You tease.

Before you even finish taunting him, Zayne's hand has already snuck around your back, undoing the clasp and forcing you onto your back. You can feel the heat radiating off of him.

"Now, now, we'll be here all night if we start fighting." He chastises you, tone far too smug. Zayne tugs the undone bra up, his fingers tracing the red marks it left against your skin. You tremble under his touch. "Didn't realize how sensitive you are." 

His tone is even, but you can see the slight curl at the corner of his lips.

"Your hands are cold," you say, voice wavering as Zayne begins taking your shirt off as well. You try not to fidget, knowing that the way your arms are held up only emphasizes the size difference, Zayne being able to completely lift your chest against him as the other binds your wrists. You're not tiny. But next to him? It barely mattered.

"I apologize." But it feels half hearted at best, especially with the way he’s staring at your bare chest, not even bothering to take your shirt all the way off. It almost feels more embarrassing like this, cotton bunched against your collarbones under his palms.

“I’m going to touch you now, okay?”

The way he says it causes a rush of blood to your face. “I’m not some virgin that might break.” You grumble under your breath, but Zayne is as stupidly attentive as always and frowns.

“Do not mistake my care for pity.” 

Something ugly aches in your chest when he looks at you like that.

Zayne’s hand comes up, large enough to encircle the entirety of your cheek as you’re enveloped in the chill of his touch. His body is nearly atop yours, each word breathed into your mouth. “Then, if you have no more snarky remarks, allow me to begin."

Zayne’s gaze drops to where he thumbs at your lips, leaning in as you watch his pupils dilate, flickering with something before he flinches away, kissing the corner of your mouth instead.

His other hand cups the curve of your breast, leaving goosebumps in its wake. You gasp, the sensation heightened by the feeling of his teeth against your collarbone, nipping marks into your skin. 

It takes a moment for all his featherlight touches to register, your eyes fluttering closed as his thumb rubs your chin. You try to ignore the way he avoids your lips, refusing to get too close.

All for the better, you remind yourself.

He kisses lower, down between the valley between your breasts, hot breath the only warning you get before his tongue meets your nipple while his fingers deliver a sharp flick to the other. The contrast of the heat from his mouth to the cold of his fingertips sends you reeling as you muffle your cries into your palm. 

Zayne doesn’t like that. He forces your hand from your mouth, biting your nipple as if in vengeance as you moan, the sound broken and desperate as you claw at his forearm.

Satisfied, his tongue smooths over the bright pink bite mark and swollen bud, the unpredictable pressure fogging up your every thought before he retreats with a wet pop. 

Finally, Zayne moves to fully remove your shirt, but pauses when you flinch.

“Would it make you more comfortable if I undressed as well?” Zayne begins to take off his own shirt, but you lunge for him, stopping his hands as your voice escapes in a whoosh.

“No.”

His collared shirt was utterly ruined, unbuttoned just enough so you could see his flushed chest when he bent over. And now when he sat up straight the bottom rose up just a bit, exposing a stretch of his lean torso, a peak of his abs, and a dark happy trail that dipped into his tailored pants. Every once in a while, you could see his muscles flex and it sent a shameful throbbing down your core.

“You can keep it like that, it’s hot.”

Zayne doesn’t respond, but when he averts his eyes you swear you watch his lips curl into a smirk. It’s gone by the time he looks at you. Not that you have any time to dwell on it, not when Zayne closes the remaining space between you, guiding you against the pillows.

You try not to focus on how out of place he seems in your apartment, mere presence dwarfing everything else as he makes his way between you, forcing your knees apart.

Zayne leans back, his fingers trailing up your leg, edging up the fabric of your shorts up with his touch, but never daring to slip past the self-imposed barrier of the cotton. He coaxes your hips up, and you kick the shorts off in a clumsy movement, Zayne's eyes now focused between your thighs before you snap them shut as best you can around his waist.

“Let me see.”

You gape at him. “I– Doctor–”

“Relax. I can’t guide you if you don’t let me, now open.”

It’s not an order. Not quite. Zayne’s voice is effortlessly assertive, but it falls just short of being a command. You could call this off, he’s told you that much directly, and knowing Zayne if you did so everything would go right back to how it was before. A mentor and student. Coworkers. Strangers.

You force the tremors in your thighs to relax, knees dropping from Zayne’s hips to the sheets below as you move your left leg just enough to feel the inner band of your underwear stretch.

It’s a bearable amount of embarrassment and vulnerability, until you look up at Zayne again, and akin to a deer in headlights, you freeze. He watches with enough intensity for it to be clinical, a vicious sort of attentiveness that sees every twitch, every strain your body responds with, as if committing it all to memory. As if he were to devour you alive. 

You think you’d let him.

Zayne reaches over, and his thick finger trails a line up your inner thigh, immediately followed by goosebumps, knuckles ghosting the inner seam of your panties.

Your body reacts before you do. Before you can even breathe, the air catches in your throat, and your legs squeeze together in a pathetic attempt to hide yourself.

Zayne pins them down immediately, gaze snapping up to you. You expect a reprimand. Maybe a warning or a punishment, and the anticipation makes your stomach twist.

Instead, his brows draw in, as if lost in thought. “You said you never came from touching yourself either?”

You can barely manage a nod.

“Hm. Then you weren’t doing it right.” He says, so bluntly that you can only blink at him. “Show me how you do it.”

Zayne sits back between your thighs, one hand still absent-mindedly caressing your knee, waiting expectantly.

And you feel the flush burn all the way up your ears and down your chest.

Oh, that was not what you expected him to say. You were prepared for him to touch you, or to guide you, but instead he asks for the complete opposite.

And, well, you could only ever try your best for him— ever the people pleaser. 

It's humiliating how easily your fingers slip under the elastic band. Even more so when the pads of your fingers run down your folds, and you feel yourself clench at the mere contact, already slick and wanting. You move to tug your underwear off, but Zayne stops you, grabbing at your wrist.

"Wait," He's panting, eyes blown as he continues to stare at you, at the wet patch accumulating in the center of those damned panties. "Keep them on."

His tone is so serious a part of you wants to laugh. You're about to make a quip when he pulls your hand up, bringing your fingers to his lips and wrapping his tongue around them. The way he teases from the pad of your finger to your knuckle, sucking as he goes, has you lightheaded. Your hips stutter upwards, a pitiful sound escaping from your throat as you try to keep yourself together.

He doesn't stop. Not until your fingers are clean and your thighs have grown unbearably sticky, neglected and throbbing.

When he finally lets go, you're a gasping mess, and Zayne looks downright smug. "Now, you can continue."

The bastard.

You don't know how you manage to move, let alone bring your fingers to your entrance.

Pushing aside the cotton, your first touch is tentative, and you flush at how much easier it is with Zayne’s spit covering them. Your breath catches both from the initial stretch and the way Zayne leans in closer to see, even though the thin elastic prevents him from watching the way your cunt flutters around the new intrusion. 

You shift, but your need has grown nearly uncomfortable, hips beginning to buck up as one finger quickly becomes too little, and you whine as you attempt to push in another, to push in a little deeper.

"Slower. You're going too fast."

You can't help the scowl, your tone sharper than intended. “How would you know?" 

Zayne’s face is a cool mask, the corners of his lips twitching with amusement. "You did ask me for advice, did you not?" Then his voice takes on a sharper edge, demanding again. "Slow down, then you may continue."

As if you needed his permission to continue. But you do as he says, rocking your fingers in and out, pace painfully slow, mere friction sending jolts of heat throughout you. 

Usually, this was the best part, the delicious and tortuous build-up that would ultimately lead to nothing. Not nearly long enough, your fingers hit just below your sweet spot, and you could feel tears of frustration prick against your eyes. Writhing, you tried to plunge further, choking out a moan again and again at the barest brushing against your sweet spot, mindlessly grinding your hips up to meet each cruel thrust of your fingers. 

You cry when you finally hit that spot inside you, head falling against the pillows as you tense, about to move again when something stops your hand, ripping it away from your desperate chase. 

“You–“ Zayne shakes his head, breath ragged as some combination of a frustrated exhale and moan rumbles through his chest, the sound going straight to your cunt. “You’re too impatient. Too rough.”

You try to swallow, try to hide how the sound of his moan and the rough cadence of his voice makes the muscles of your belly and thighs spasm, but Zayne doesn't miss a thing. He doesn't release your hand, not fully, but rather guides both of your digits to trace around your clit instead.

"Again," he says, “This time slower. How does it feel?”

You close your eyes, taking a deep breath as you feel his hand continue to guide yours, entire body jolting when he catches against the hood of your oversensitive clit, tapping as he lets you circle it on your own. 

“Good. It feels really good.”

Zayne hums, but he already knows that. He feels it through the drenched bottoms of your panties, rubbing your poor swollen clit through them, watching as you gush again, the slick coating his palm and dripping down his wrist in sticky strands.

It takes everything within him not to withdraw his hand and lick it all. Or even better, take his mouth to you directly. Not yet. Not yet, he reminds himself. Next time.

You have to bite your lip as you feel Zayne’s hand take over your own, almost greedily pushing and pinching your clothed cunt, the fabric both a delicious friction and a damn barrier you wish was gone so you could finally feel his bare fingers on you, in you. It’s torture, every nerve on fire as Zayne continues to focus on your clit while your fingers return against your folds, teasing your entrance with a light touch before pressing in.

But it's still not enough. It's not what you need.

You look to Zayne for direction, but his expression is unreadable in the darkness. "Deeper. Keep going."

The angle isn't quite right, but you do as he says, trying and failing to muffle your sounds as you fuck yourself on your fingers, desperately chasing the feeling building up once more.

“Again. Deeper.”

It hurts. Your wrist is beginning to ache, and you’re really not sure how much longer you can keep going, crying out again when Zayne forces his hand flat against your clothed core, shoving your own fingers deeper and causing the wet fabric to rub deliciously against your clit. 

You don't even have time to react before he's pulling away, his own hand rubbing the wetness on his fingers together as he watches the strands break and drip down his hand.

His tone is so nonchalant despite the way he keeps his gaze trained between your legs. As if the sight of you, flushed and gasping, with your cunt pathetically leaking and yet still demanding more, wasn't the hottest thing he'd ever seen. 

“Ask,” Zayne demands, his voice deep enough that you swear you can feel it rumbling through your bones. “Ask for it.”

“Need your help, please, Zayne” you manage, voice airy and heart still racing from unintentionally edging yourself over and over again. “I want your fingers.”

It’s probably impossible to miss the way your eyes have been drawn to his hands all evening, big and corded with veins and muscle and scar tissue. Hands gentle enough to care for patients, steady enough to perform surgeries, cruel enough to tease you this mercilessly, and yet you can’t help but imagine what they’re going to feel like when he starts touching you properly. 

You’ve probably thought about his hands more times than you’d like to admit.

At the hospital, at the cafe, at night in your apartment. Every inch of his body seems to haunt you like a forgotten memory your body had already grown addicted to.

The moan that rumbles out of Zayne’s chest is low and addicting. He sits back for only a moment before your hips are dragged down the bed, a yelp leaving your lips from the sheer force. 

Zayne practically knocks your leg over his shoulder, and when you arch off balance, you press against something that has you inhaling sharply through your nose. Fuck, Zayne’s hard.

He shudders violently at the contact, falling onto his forearms as you roll against him once more, watching his face twist from the painful pleasure you know all too well. You feel his control slipping, both in the way his fingers tighten at your hips and the throbbing heat you feel twitch against your thigh.

And just realizing how much you’ve affected him is enough to send your eyes rolling back into your skull with a violent tremor. 

You attempt to grind up against him again when Zayne roughly pins you back down. You writhe helplessly, hips pinned to the mattress as Zayne curses, adjusting himself in his slacks with a rough squeeze. “No.” A command to both himself and you, “You asked for my fingers, so that’s what you will get.” 

You’re about to open your mouth to make another demand, but Zayne is one step ahead of you yet again. “That’s all you’re getting.” As if to quell your anger, he begins to thumb at your clit again, moving to take off your last remaining piece of clothing. “Next time.”

A promise he has every intention to keep.

Ironically, Zayne is handling you far more gently than you usually touch yourself, and you find yourself flexing your hips in an attempt to get him to touch you with more pressure. He ignores your endeavors, keeping his pace implacably steady and slow. But you’ve been worked up far too long, and as soon as Zayne begins fucking you with two of his much thicker fingers, you already feel the familiar tension building.

“Do you want to tell me what you’re feeling?”

“Not really,” you manage through clenched teeth. 

You feel Zayne pull away and thrust your hips up into nothingness, only making yourself more sensitive when he roughly thumbs at your clit. He slams your hips back down, a cruel pinch to the oversensitive nub forcing you to arch into him as your jaw falls slack.

 “That was not a question.” Zayne is still hovering above you, watching as his fingers slip against your cunt, slick with your arousal. “Use your words.”

His voice takes a dark edge every time he commands you now, and you bite your lip to not whimper at the tremor his voice sends down your skin. It’s not fair, the effect something so simple has on you. But while his demand is still ringing in your ears, Zayne curls his fingers further upwards, rubbing directly against that sweet spot inside you with frustrating ease, and you sob. 

"Please,” you can’t even remember to beg. Zayne nearly abuses the spot, curling into it over and over again until you’re certain you’re drooling all over the silk of your pillow, writhing. "Please, I'm– I need more, and, ah—“

Zayne hums. "More? You're going to have to be more specific if you actually want to orgasm."

You whine, shaking your head as his eyes narrow. He’s only halfway through scolding you when his finger smacks against your clit, the sharp twinge of pain enough to make you cry. "Don't be a child. Words. Tell me what's giving you pleasure so I can help you."

"It's," a huff of air leaves you and you can barely manage to form a coherent sentence, your mind fogging over completely as Zayne continues to talk. "Hah, your voice helps.”

“My voice?”

Your eyes nearly roll back at the sound of Zayne’s chuckle. A deep, cruel thing that you now think may be all you need to come as your eyes screwed shut. “Well, if that’s the case, then I suppose I should just keep talking. Keep your eyes open.”

You obey, and Zayne simultaneously pulls your jaw towards him, forcing you face-to-face with him. “Look at me.”

You do. You do and really wish you hadn’t because the smug smile pulling at the corner of his lips and the freckles of light green you now see in his softened gray eyes might really be all you need to send yourself over the edge.

And, as if listening, Zayne forces his fingers deeper inside, the tips of his digits hitting the same spot that has your mind fogging over, vision blurring with a disorienting mix of hazy and dizzy. You can barely hold on, fingers twitching against the sheets as suddenly it becomes too much, your hands shooting up as you press desperately against Zayne’s chest. 

“Wait–” You’re dizzy. The pressure is consuming you, and you’re losing control. “Please, Zayne.”

He stops immediately, pliant under your touch as he lets you push him away. Even so, his free hand comes up to meet yours, coaxing your fingers against his as he holds it up to his chest, letting you ground yourself with his heartbeat.

The rhythm is comforting.

Zayne isn’t speaking anymore, just looking, waiting for you to give him a sign. He doesn’t dare move, letting his fingers sit still, buried inside of you. You don't know if it's the dizziness lingering in your head or the fact that his fingers are insistently rubbing against a spot inside of you that sends sparks up your spine, but either way, you might be going insane.

“Keep your breathing steady, even when you’re close. Deep breaths.” In, out. In, out. Your chest rises as Zayne’s does, bare skin brushing his. “Good.”

Even as your vision clears, Zayne refuses to let go of your hand, this time pinning it beside your head as he begins to move his other hand too, thumb circling your clit as the others curl against your walls. 

When you begin to shake again, his lips ghost by your neck, dangerously soft and hesitant as he kisses down from your jaw, following each whimper and moan you give to him with loyal intent, sucking gently at a spot near your jugular and collarbone.

"Ah, Zayne. I think–" your breathing hitches as Zayne presses another soft kiss against your skin.

"Are you okay?" The softness of his tone nearly breaks you, and you force yourself to ignore it. Focus on the sensations; focus on what you can use for the novel. Nothing more.

You nod.

"What else, darling? Are you close?"

Your breath hitches. The sudden pet name has you reeling, and you feel Zayne keep his steady rhythm, even through your trembling and whining, his thumb mercilessly circling against your clit in ways you swear never feel the same when you’ve done it. 

"Call me that again," you cry, nearly begging.

"Come. Come for me, darling."

And you do.

Your vision blurs as you come around Zayne’s fingers, a silent scream catching in your throat. All you can manage is a broken moan as you arch into him, gripping his forearm and holding it in place. Your thighs quiver around his arm, and Zayne holds you still, coaxing you through it as wave after wave of pleasure wash over you.

The sensation is overwhelming. You're not even sure how long it lasts, the only thing grounding you is the weight of Zayne's hand laced against your own.

Slowly, he begins to withdraw his fingers, kissing your knuckles softly.

"How are you feeling?"

The room is quiet, and it feels like all the sound has been sucked out of it. Your head is fuzzy and your whole body is tingling, and all you can focus on is Zayne's soft breathing.

Good, you want to tell him. More than that, your body is still shaking from pleasure and desire, and you can’t stop looking at Zayne’s lips or remembering how hot and needy he felt grinding against your thigh. You can’t stop thinking about him, so instead you say, “Fine.”

Zayne stiffens. “Good.” 

He sits up, still scanning your face for something as you watch the fabric of his shirt pull taut across his chest and stomach, and once again you are overwhelmed by the desire to run your hands down his body, to feel his skin against yours. To see more of him.

“I’m going to get you water and a towel.” He says, not moving just yet. “Do you need anything else?”

You shake your head no. Zayne nods, leaning in as his hand goes to your jaw before he pauses halfway and steps out of bed, making his way to your bathroom.

You don’t really remember how much of the night goes by after that, a blur of Zayne attentively guiding you through proper aftercare and you throwing in a few quips here and there at his ceaseless worrying. Before long, he’s saying farewell, and you’re back at your computer screen, empty doc staring right back at you. 

But the words never form. Not when your head is still spinning, replaying everything that happened tonight in vivid flashbacks as an overwhelming rush of mortification and desire runs down your spine. 

You can’t help but feel that perhaps you just made an irreversible mistake.

[fuzzysocksstuff]

Leo has been the leader since day one

Alright, I haven't seen this conversation yet, but I can't be the only one who's noticed this. This isn't my usual post- not that I post often- but art is WIP.

~aannnnyyway~

Leo has been the (back seat) leader of the Mad Dogs since day one.

Mobile users, RIP no seriously, you are digging your own grave

In the first two episodes he shows his potential, he thinks ahead, guides the team, makes astute observations, shows his knowledge of his team (including himself), and makes his own plans (even if Raph has made a plan, he almost always has his own).

I'll go through the first two episodes chronologically.

First is Mystic Mayhem.

-This is a good example of understanding himself-

Leo: So . . . You guys from Jersey?

Mikey: Really Leo?

Leo: What? I can't make a joke in the middle of the craziest thing ever? That's how I cope.

-Leo stops his brothers and forces them to think ahead-

Mikey: Should we just ask him for it?

Leo: And what do we say when he asks us why we want it? That we need to go after our best friend, who disappeared into a wall after our priceless weapons were destroyed by mystical jogger guys?

-Not only is Leo showing how well he knows his dad, he executes his own plan when Raph's first plan fails, without asking his brothers first-

Raph: How'd you get that?

Leo: You know he always passes out after milk and cake.

-Now, this example is a debatable one, yes it shows his understanding of Raph, but it may also just be to shown to establish relationships in general since this was the first episode-

Donnie: A few hours ago I would have called this foolish and impossible. Now I just call it foolish.

Mikey: Say what you want Donnie. Raph'll pull is off 'cause if he doesn't, we'll loose our best friend forever.

Leo: Mikey, don't say that. You know he chokes under pressure.

Donnie: Leo, he's even more self-conscious when you talk about it.

-Here, while happy to see April again, he keeps the team on the task that got them in the hidden city in the first place. It can be argued if this was on purpose or not; but it still showcases his natural ability to lead-

Donnie: According to my calculations, we are in a tertiary-metaverse.

April: Actually, I've been doing some exploring, and we're in a hidden city deep under New York!

Leo: So where's the dog thingy?

-There are even subtle moments where Leo takes the lead; after Donnie takes out Draxum's robot with his tech, Leo is the only one talking to Draxum directly for the team. This is another debatable example, you could say Leo is just being the face man here, but I'd like to include it-

Draxum: Accidently impressive. With a little bit of training you can be formidable as I hoped.

Leo: Okay, well, great, and since you're surrendering. . .

Draxum: Baron Draxum does not surrender.

Leo: Okay, well, when he gets here we'll deal with him. . . oh, ho, ho, I see. You're doing that whole "sinister talking in the third person" thing.

-Here, he is the only one to once again question Raph's decision, and present his own idea instead-

Raph: We just defeated a boss villain. We're heroes. We deserve a name like Mad Dogs.

Leo: Mad dogs? You don't think something like Mutant Ninja Turtle Teens or. . .I don't know. Maybe - we'll keep brain storming.

The very next episode has soooo many parallels to the movie.

Origami Tsunami.

The dialog is long on this one and, despite the humor, throughout this scene Leo guides his brothers to the best mission for their skill level.

Mikey: Yo, Leo, we're gonna be heroes!

Leo: Okay, what's the plan? Solve the city's rat problem?

Splinter: Hey now. I am standing right here.

Raph: Pfft, no way. We're crime fighters!

Donnie: Okay, check this out. The Spine Breaking Bandit!

Raph: Yeah. Go big or go home!

Leo: Yeah, go home in a stretcher. What else you got?

Donnie: Hmm, well this one's kind of lame. Someone stole paper from a delivery truck.

Leo: Not on my watch! This is exactly the kind of junior level mischief we can put an end to.

-Leo then hypes his brothers up for this mission-

Raph: Really? That'll make us heroes? But it's only paper.

Leo: It's only paper. I'm so sorry. Donnie, what did he say? Did he say it's only paper?

Donnie: Yup.

Leo: Did he say it's only paper?

Donnie: Yes, he did.

Leo: Okay! That's what they all say. You think the road to hero town is paved in real crime? No! It's paved with the tears of the poor paper man. And who helps that guy? I'll tell you who; we are who!

Raph, Mikey, and Donnie: Yes!

-When Raph's first plan fails, and he sees how discouraged his brothers get...-

Donnie: Uh, quick question. Did we seriously get schooled by paper thieves?

Raph: I didn't swoop like a boss. I swoop like a noob.

Mikey: Man, this seemed like a really cool idea until we didn't succeed at it.

-...so, Leo gives a "hero" speech, like he does in the movie. Although this motiving speech needs some help, he still tries-

Leo: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Where'd my brothers go? Mikey, where's your. . .legendary optimism? Raph, where's your, ya know, your go-getter attitude? And Donnie, where's your. . . your thing, your - emotionless passion?

Donnie: Here.

Leo: We can still catch these lame old paper crooks and be heroes!

-In continuing this scene, we see the Leo make and execute his own plan, now that Raph's impulsive plan has failed-

Donnie: Yeah, that's gonna be hard. This was the last paper store in town.

Leo: Hmm. . . or was it?

Donnie: Yeah, I. . .I literally just said that.

-Again he takes the lead talking to the foot clan first (could just be that he's a face man here, but nonetheless)-

Leo: Okay twerp. . . and surprisingly big man. It's four against two. So what you say we just call it a day, right?

-Leo uses his observations to guide the team, here when the foot are making their origami soldiers, Leo realizes taking out the paper ninjas isn't a solution-

Leo: We're getting no where fighting these guys. We gotta take out the source.

-After Raph ~properly~ uses his ninpo for the first time, Leo again uses his surroundings to find a solution, in doing so he shows both guiding his team, and astute observations-

Leo: Hm. Mikey, the sprinklers!

-Even at the end of the second episode, they look to Leo for reassurance and support-

Mikey: So. . .does this count as a win?

Leo: Well, I don't know. Let's think about it. Did the bad guys get their big supply of paper? Uh, no. Did they build their army of soilders? No. No they didn't. Are they otherwise Thwarted, and we unscathed?

Raph, Donnie, and Mikey: Yes!

Leo: Hero mission accomplished, my friends!

Alright.

First off, if you've made it this far, thanks for attending my not even close to life changing ted talk. I hope you have enjoyed my rant.

In conclusion,

Leo has the potential to lead, just prefers to do as little work as possible. He almost always passes resonsibility onto someone else, however when he has no other choice but to lead he does it well without realizing it. There are many other subtle examples sprinkled throughout season 1 and 2.

I have more thoughts on this, but this post is already the height of the empire state building.

Class Dismissed.

[py-dreamer]

I can't believe this is the first goddamn video I post.

But times are funny like that aren't they?

Ok so as the thumbnail says, this is specifically for the first lmk fic I've written:

"When the sun sets forever."

Yes it's shadowpeach, how on earth did you guess. And if you've floated around my dreamscape for a while, you'll know my...

...very enthusiastic opinions of Macaque...

(I promise I do still like him, he's a great character, it's just I get pretty peeved by how the majority of the fandom portrays their relationship a lot of peeps bashing Wukong and saying Mac did nothing wrong-

I have a whole other post about this and the fic, I'm tired man, here're the links:

https://www.tumblr.com/py-dreamer/751398212493000704/oh-its-macaroni-learns-the-consequences-for

https://www.tumblr.com/py-dreamer/751119540805632000/rant-about-shadowpeach-warning-mac-slander)

But regardless, if you enjoy some Macaca slander, hop on board!

If you don't , good for you! Please don't harass anyone who thinks otherwise.

But to sum up:

In this fic we explore a scenario where Macaque finds a time alterating artifact after a huge spat on the mountain (that resulted in the clip above), uses that artifact to make it so he killed Tripitaka during JTTW. Then we see his pov in this universe where things have certainly changed drastically

...and not necessarily for the better.

People change. Friends or foes found dead or alive. Cities fall and some thrive.

But one thing I can assure you?

Neither of our mystic monkeys are having any fun until the end.

But yeah! Formal announcement post for my fic!

Yes this is a big reason why I've been absent for like a month

No I won't stop posting art. I'm taking a short break rn to get into the rhythm of drawing again

No there isn't a formal posting schedule, but I do have it in mind

No this isn't the big BIG project I've been working on for a few weeks

(Forgive me if I missed anything from s5, this was planned and written before that and I haven't watched it yet)

But enough about me!

I want to thank anyone who's already seen the fic and/or left kudos or comments

And I want to give an especially huge shoutout to @furornocturna for beta reading this thing!

Their work is great! And is one of the most enjoyable reads I've read in a long while

And since I haven't seen an official post for it yet...

SHABAM!!! Another great fic! She recently updated it too! It's about amnesiac Wukong who thinks Macaque is still his mate and MK is their child!

Wham bam, pajama sam's christmas ham: hijinks ensue

Very entertaining, good ol Macaque bashing

(she and I like to stand around him in a circle and give him a good whack with the consequences stick sometimes. It builds character.)

And parental Shadowpeach is always appreciated here. 10/10

I have not linked it but also check out:

Fractured pieces make a mosaic

Also written by her! Another great fic that delves into more of the sins of Macaque against EVERYONE not just Wukong

But about the video, yea just heard the audio and thought it'd be funny

I feel like Chang'e would definitely comfort a friend after some harsh words like what happens in the 1st chapter

Or at least she'd hear what Macaque did from Wukong and give massive side eye

(Especially since I figured she'd have a damn well knowledge of bad men *cough* *cough8 the reason Zhu Bajie got kicked out of heaven in the first place *cough* *cough*

I know they've rarely interacted in canon but hey, they've at least met on screen and we know Wukong can build a rocket to visit. Plus both being lonely immortals with cute animal subjects being theri only companions for centuries...

I have a feeling they'd get along somehow

They remind me of friends who exchange pics of their cute pet, only it's more like children for Wukong since they're literally his Sun family

And anyway the fandom pairs Mac and Chang'e just because they have a moon motif so let me have this goddamit.

[oneemo]

Man, I haven't used this account in forever, but I thought I would just give this post a shot in the dark.

I just wanted to say thank you. That's it, really.

I used to have a Twitter (key word: 'used to'), but due to some...circumstances, it is now deactivated. I won't say who I was, but I came across your thread of how Genshin didn't hit the same anymore. I won't give you my life story here, but honestly, I feel the same way. I came for the exploration and story, and well, given how everything is going down, and how it is being handled, I too, feel the same way as you. Whoever was in charge of it just...stopped caring, got laid off, or changed the projectory of the game.

I got into Nikke myself, and sure, it's a degenerate gacha, but it's kind of refreshing to have a skip button and characters being showcased regularly (repeat and new).

I don't know where I am going with this, or if I you will even see/read this, but I just wanted to just...thank you. For voicing your opinions, and being yourself. All the best with FGO. I myself quit Genshin a week before I deactivated my Twitter (when games become a chore that take up half of your storage, why keep it, you know). So I feel that feeling you do. Although we might be different people, and your outlook might have changed now, but to me, the game is a steaming mess, having crashed down from its grace in the starry sky above. After all, shooting stars have to land somewhere, right?

That's really it from me! I promise this isn't a spam or bot account; this was my old anime account back from the Hetalia days. I have a secondary, newer one now, but I'll keep quiet on what it is. This message might anger you in some way and to that, sorry! I just wanted to say that you are not alone in feeling the way you do, and I just wanted to wish you the best with everything. I took Alberose and ran from the game myself, if you cared to know. So take the characters you want and run with it also~! But if it brings back bad memories, just let them sit in the corner in a cardboard box labelled "for sale". Or something like that, I don't know.

I'm rambling now, so I'll let this go. Again, just...thank you, for being you and your lovely self. :) If you don't read this, well, at least I got my thoughts off of my chest after 3.5 weeks of thinking about it.

And if you do come and see this, well, hey! It's nice to meet you! I just wanted to put my blurb here, so uhhhhhh....

...Message in a bottle, go!!

omg, hello! i havent opened my tumblr in ages so I just saw this now. thank you for your kind words, i genuinely appreciate it. as for genshin, i haven't touched that game in ages lol. my stance is pretty much the same, genshin is not like Fate which I had been a fan of for YEARS so it was really easier to let go of. I still love albedo a lot tho and I do plan on continuing to make arts of him and such. but rn i have decided to actually create some stuffs on a fandom i've been for far longer.

I am now on bsky and goes by onemo (lol) and deleted my twitter amidst of the block button mess. I still dont regret that decision, I feel so free now. Feel free to say hi to me there too!

[technodromes]

Oh, today is apparently my blog's first anniversary. Cheers to many more years to come. Some follow-forevers & shout outs because why not?

@countlessrealities // SCOTTY! You are to blame for my Rick & Morty obsession! I love your blog and your portrayals of every single one of them. While they are mostly busy with making each other's lives a pain, I cherish their relationships and interactions very much! It also makes me happy that you reach out to me so much with memes. I have been a bit afraid of sending memes back because you're so busy and I didn't want to seem overbearing, but know that I'm working on sending you some things this month~

@dynamoprotocol // Locke, Clarissa / Chance's lore is so amazing and deep and interesting and I love every bit of it! I also admire your passion for your high-voltage troublemaker. And my bunch of idiots cherish them too. Well, you know. Most of them! Also thank you for sending me memes & messages! Know that even if I take 500 years sometimes to reply them, I greatly appreciate them! Also, your art is absolutely gorgeous!

@moonromantic // Diren, you and Virote are both very powerful, headstrong, and colorful presences on my dash that I admire. I know I don't talk to you enough and one of my goals is definitely to reach out to you/Virote more in the future! @shiningsilverarmor // Stertle, you've often replied to my posts and also sent me memes on different occasions and I greatly appreciate that! I know you're quite busy but it's always nice to see you active on the dash. Hopefully, we get to interact more next year as well ^^/

@neodarkdark // Hey Jak! I know we haven't been talking much but I think you're very nice and amazing. Seeing your art, lore & passion for and of Svern is always one of my highlights when I check the dash. Please keep up your great work! Remind me to check out Bungou Stray Dogs eventually because I have it on my list since six-ever

@sayonaradumbass // Liz, I think you're the RPer I know the longest here out of the bunch above! It just sucks that your timezone is the opposite of mine man, but let's chat again sometime! We also need to plot something between your muse and my Ferengis over at @muses-inn!

There are so many more people on my list of mutuals that I enjoy seeing on my dash of course, and would love to interact with more in the future. Some people I followed more recently, and some I just struggle a bit to start off with because I'm always in low battery mode during late autumn/winter. But know that I see you and appreciate all of you ^^ and an extra round of special mentions to @nightwatchr / @mixed-up-multiverse / @alm1ghtysea / @advnterccs / @eyeknowmayhem / @1eads / @outofthiisworld / @rapxir / @championofdarkland / @fluffghostrp / @chaosmicjelly / @imprvdente / @pleasemymel0dy and YOU.

[froggyfriendart]

If you want could you possibly. Tell me about your ocs

:O Hey hey I just saw this!! Thank you for taking an interest in them :)

So, my Sky:Children of The Light OCs

These three are Mercymorn, Arcadias, and Ariadne. They're all three of them rogue actors in whatever world they find themselves in, you can't usually figure out what the hell they're doing or why they're actually there. Do not separate them.

Mercy is a fighter, and one filled with pride at that - they can and they will pick fights to prove a point and they get very petty when they don't win. They're 75% sick moves and 25% gremlin bastard. They'd be the type you see standing in the center of a coliseum or acting all heroic with their cape fluttering in the wind, but they're rather silly actually.

Arcadias is a musician, and a traveler. They play the lute. They're extremely curious at heart and though none of them can actually talk, they love asking questions through mimickry and wide gestures. Behaves like a bird. Actually really sweet, prone to playing pranks, sometimes acts rather childish. The cape they have shapeshifts into wings whenever, they think it looks cool. So do I.

Ariadne is a circus performer. They're the one taking the stage, they're the one spinning the stories and making shadow-puppets against the walls. They will strangle you if you talk slander about their performance. They're also really into fortune telling, but will lie (well, lie through gestures and implication) for shits and giggles.

Now, this is Eurwen, she's really cool, she's not with those three but she knows them and tolerates them. This artwork is actually a bit older than most of them but it's one of my favorites. Deadpan, ruthless, I literally made her so I could be gay over her muscles and overly serious butch charm. She's everything to me. Other than Arcadias she's the only character I've ever drawn more than once, because I was working on her character sheet which is as of yet incomplete (like. a lot of my art)

now THIS GUY. he's my specialest little guy, this guy. His name is Lucien Lyfrassir VI. He's in my brain at all times. Fucking shit up and spray painting the walls neon. He wears a cool jacket absolutely covered in neon graffiti-like designs, he wears a cool LED mask/helmet that hides his face, not pictured here. Does Testosterone injections (like. 60% of my characters are transgender. I do make the rules.), his supply is literally a replicator machine that's been replicating the same stuff from centuries ago because it's a pain to hope every new civilization produces it. He jumped into a black hole for fun. Explosions! Mad cackling! Cinematically standing on lamp posts, leaning against walls with dark and dramatic lighting. Fights with gauntlets he built himself. He is also immortal. Absolute vibing. He's just My Guy. AND he's hot. Him and Eurwen are, anachronistically, best friends. God. I fucking love him. His partner is unfortunately not pictured because I haven't drawn him yet. God i care about him.

This is Dreamer. Their flute is named Lullabye (sic), they were first designed to be a bard in DnD and then they sort of morphed into a different kind of character. They're the man in the moon.

There's a lot more but I haven't got any art for them yet and anyway, you're welcome to ask me about them at any time :) I really appreciate you taking the time to let me talk about these guys. I love talking about these guys. I can do it forever.

[yisanged]

8 10 orvie

HII ELISEYY my friend. thank you for the ask! and sorry it took so long the sleepies and school and etc. I HOPE COLLEGE IS GOING WELL FOR YOU BTW!!!!!!!

this got so long sorry you know how it is with novels. but hey before i read more the rest of this guys if anyone else wants to send me hater asks you still can... i only got one 🥲 does nobody else want to send asks to their friend nico? i've actually been so dead lately guys that is on me. but i still love you all.......

anyways um 8 is "common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about" and 10 is "worst part of fanon" pretty similar really going for the haterisms here okok. hmmm i honestly don't even interact with the orv fandom that much like most of the orv posts that aren't just art that i see are mine and my few orvie mutuals' which i usually respect i don't see a lot of posts from outside of this orv echo chamber i've created for myself which i'm ok with tbh. but something i see a lot that i don't like is the depiction of kdj as a scammer type like the breed same as cale tcf and others? i haven't read regression instruction manual but like he's a common comparison and such. and it's true that they're all from the similar mold of like "isekai/fantasay coming to real life but i have an upper hand because i read the book it came from nyeheh" and in that specific aspect yeah kdj has his moments where he takes advantage of his knowledge but it seems like some people attribute him being a liar an unreliable narrator etc to that part of the story also and i don't totally agree with that. he's not an unreliable narrator because he's trying to be sneaky and smart the dude is depressed. he's been so depressed since he was like 13 and he's a grown ass man now it's totally changed his outlook and makes him unable to see the world and his interactions with others properly for what it is. he didn't lie to our faces about smiling when he was actually crying because he was trying to be smart and sneaky it was cause he's sad as fuck and can't even recognize it because he's lowkey wanted to kill himself since middle school. i do agree that cale is similar in that he downplays how insane he is almost dying all the time and getting hurt forever but not caring and driving all his friends up the wall with it without even realizing and like he's also depressed as fuck but when people group them together for being self sacrificing bastard scammers or whatever i just feel like it's different a lot of the time. we aren't seeing the same thing there.

i guess that's my soapbox for 8 umm for 10. the way yoo sangah gets pushed aside so often peeves me for sure. she's so everything where did you put her....? and the kids too the kids are so important to me and to kdj but they're never given justice i feel. honestly i think all of kimcom doesn't get enough love most of the time or maybe i've just been bad at finding content that actually does them well it just feels like there's so much joongdok yaoi and not enough friendship and mentorship and everything. jihye and joongdok are so everything but i never see the two of them together ever. heewon and hyunsung also. even if you're not the biggest fan of them romantically like i respect the lesbian heewon grind don't you care that they're the sword and shield.......? and of coures sys and yjh have a lot of interesting potential but no one ever does anything with it. and there's never enough lee gilyoung anywhere i love you gilyoung. yes that's my fanon complaint. too much yaoi focus... there's so much love everywhere it's a main theme but the story ain't a romance there's so much more out there. take my hand we can discover friendship together

[dailytwizzlygummy]

Hey hello hi. I'm back.

Why am I back? Why did I leave? Why am I running a cookie run blog when I don't care about the games anymore? Shhhhh sh. Shhhh. Shshsh. Lemme get to it.

So! It has been a year. Like, almost exactly a year, crazy how that worked out honestly. I have had this blog in my thoughts a lot during that time, believe it or not. I originally wanted to start this comeback off with one hell of a bang a few months ago but I think the more casual approach is the direction I feel most comfortable going with, so yeah :)

Why am I back?

Today is June 7th, aka my final day of school. Summer sucks for me a lot, boredom and isolation are my two best friends during it so I wanted something fun to do!!! And Twizzly is my comfort character still so why not!!!! I've missed her quite a bit since moving out of the cookie run fandom and still drew him ever now and again so it just kinda made sense.

Why did I leave?

Okay so there's a few reasons.

1. Lack of inspiration

Self explanatory, I did this for months and I just ran out of ideas

2. Lack of fulfillment

My art wasn't achieving what I wanted it to. I didn't even draw what I wanted to, so what was the point, I was in a rut. I am hoping to give myself more freedom this time!

3. Asks

Ok. Ok uh. This is the reason. Some askers were overstepping and it was really really uncomfortable for me. Like REALLY uncomfortable. I was stressed all the time about it, not wanting to be rude by telling them to stop and/or ignoring them but by doing that I pushed myself into a corner. This is my fault and I take responsibility for not setting rules or boundaries in the first place, but still I just couldn't take the heat. I will set rules in the future for asks this time.

Why am I running a cookie run blog?

Ok so like I can do whatever I want forever. I don't care about cookie run and haven't in almost a year, if you follow my main you know this well. BUT. I still like Twizzly.

Twizzly does not matter to these games but they matter to ME so I am TAKING THEM and they are MINE NOW. I am the one who knocks I am the one who Twizzly Gummy Cookie.

There will be JoJo and In Stars and Time and Chainsaw Man and Whatever Other Media I Like references here now because, as stated before, I do what I want.

Oh also the click thing for Palestine will be on every daily post from here on out.

[loumauve]

LOOK.

I know those are vastly different vibes, but I'm a multi shipper and the universe is infinite and chaotic and I'm very gay, and sometimes you crave a different flavour than what you usually read, so you simply must brave the wilds sometimes (or in this case the mostly protected Embrace aka awesome writers' fic in other fandoms/ships because you can at least depend on them writing something really good).

Untalla/Silga - best cuties forever. I love them. Would hold them gently in my arms now that they get along. (also THEM. I mean come on, somewhat enemies to hesitant allies to 'oh.' I just think they're neat, and I love me a good side character that nobody really talks abt, even more so when it's two of them. together. being fucking precious)

Imogen/Dancer - hot as hell, love that for me them. I just think sometimes Imogen could use some unwinding and getting rid of some pent up energy, and they certainly achieved that. (plus the storm imagery really got to me. love me a good storm. also, I just think Dancer is such a fun character)

wish I could make myself read the Tilda stories bc I'm sure it's just as well-written as the rest of your fic, but I hate her to much, rip. she hurt my bb Beta and that's an unforgivable crime. (yes. Otohan definitely hurt my other bb Laudna, and Imogen in the process, too, but at least I still haven't watched those episodes in their entirety so I can just insert your headcanons and look beyond my ignorance and hatred lol)

as for Imogen/Otohan. I know you said not to look, but this is literally the first post about them that came across my dash, not even sure how, probably through the For You section.. so I would like to apologize in tumblr's name for breaching the containment.

also, I spent the largest portion of today trying to figure out where I read it so I could point at it and blame you. anyway, I've now read at least five other stories in the process before I found that one again, so now you are entirely responsible. well, you and Shamie with her amazing art, but that's pretty much a given. we love Shamie here <3

so yeah, I love when characters help heal each other, but sometimes you just want to see them make each other worse. duality of man etc etc

they're hot together, they hurt my brain to think about, but it seems a small price to pay for some really great reading. so, fuck you (affectionate) for making me actually like Otohan (my beloathed) a little bit, or a little more than that, okay maybe they're growing on me, gdi. the exposure is slowly but surely getting to me. but hey, messy, emotionally wrecked Imogen is a delight sometimes. I sure hope she'll get some hugs and therapy down the line.

once again, thank you for blessing us all with your writing, I sure am enjoying reading it.

#i like to think this is me writing otohan for some folks lol (it is. I need you to know that. Otohan my beloathed, but I'll read it from you bc I know it'll be amazing. still physically hurts me tho lol and I take a little irreversible brain damage if I enjoy it even just a little. my brain is gone now. thank you for the privilege of being felled by your blade)

Context for folks who want it.

ANYWAY

Lou I mostly remember you liking my Silga and Untalla stuff?? I'm so sorry I dragged you into my Otohan obsession??? The VIBES are totally opposite?! With that said, I'm fucking honored, thank you so much

[juminsmysticmc]

Hey again!

Same anon who had asked your name here. Ruka sounds like a really cute name btw. I also like anime and mangas, i haven't read much though.

My kpop phase ended and im kinda sad about it.

Also, I want to request a soulmate au where the name of your soulmate appears on your wrist the first time they touch you. I had thought of requesting this with mc and 707, but since jumin is your favorite character, you should definitely write this with jumin instead (if you can and you want to).

Ps. Love u a lot, you seem like a nice person

Saeyoung x Mc - Soulmate AU

Hey! Yes, do you know these memes where every letter has his own ,,letters in japanese’’ or ,,write your ninja name’’? Back then I saw such a post and I was pretty obsessed with anime and my full name would have been ,,Rukataki’’ according to my real name and that post. And somehow I shortened it to ,,Ruka-chan’’ and name myself like this ever since…same here, ever since GOT7 kinda disbanded everything crumbled T.T

And I decided to write Saeyoung instead of Jumin because I always choose Jumin and I thought for once I could choose someone else XD HOPE YOU LIKE IT AND YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE ONE TOO.

Update: I began writing a few sentences, read Mystic Messenger Wiki to refresh my mind about his route, and deeply regretted not choosing Jumin since he would have been much easier to write since I ALWAYS try to keep my stories based on the original game! But I got it.

,,You still haven’t found out who your soulmate is?’’ your friend asked you, rubbing her wrist as the name of her new boyfriend was on her wrist. She happily looked at the name of the man, touching every letter with her fingers before she looked back at you. ,,I…I think this whole soulmate stuff is kind of off… I don’t know, what is a soulmate for you? You had a boyfriend you loved and suddenly you touch someone else and leave your first love for a stranger! A soulmate - in my eyes - can also be someone platonic,’’ you told her. ,,I believe that you’re just jealous because you haven’t found your soulmate,’’ she hissed at you and perhaps she was kind of right. Maybe you were just unsure because whenever you had the feeling that you found the person you had a bond with, you always got disappointed. But you would never tell her, despite her being your best friend and knowing you the best. There was no way you could tell her your feelings. The feeling of being left out and alone…you wanted to believe that there was no need for you to search for your soulmate but that instead, the meeting itself would simply happen. Luckily, the both of you quickly changed the topic and could enjoy the remaining time of your afternoon, drinking coffee and eating the cake the both of you ordered. ,,It’s getting late. I should get back,’’ your friend suddenly said after she checked the time. ,,Tell me as soon as you’re back at home,’’ your friend asked you before she hugged you and left, leaving you alone. You were left behind with your thoughts, your eyes on your wrist as you slowly walked back to your apartment, not noticing that you took a different route. Your eyes were fixed on your wrist as suddenly a little tattoo shop caught your eye. You kept looking at the beautiful art on the skin of strangers and couldn’t stop holding your writing. Maybe you should get something tattooed on your wrist to not see if there was a name? But what if you someday wanted to see the name of that special person? ,,Beautiful lady,“ a woman approached you, surely not Korean as she had an accent. ,,What you‘re looking at are henna tattoos,“ she whispered. ,,They’re not forever, not bad for your skin, and will be gone after some time. We usually do this on women who are about to get married in my country. It's a beautiful thing to do to the happy girls before the wedding,“ the lady explained. Tattoos were actually not something used in Korea, but knowing that they would be gone after some time made you curious. ,,How much would it cost to not see my wrist because of the henna tattoo?“ you suddenly asked her. A few moments later you were sitting in front of the lady, your arm stretched out so that she could work as she softly was creating wonderful patterns on your skin. Dots and circles as well as patterns that seemed like flowers were drawn on your wrist with the black henna. The woman didn’t say anything about the fact that you put something on the place where the name of your soulmate was supposed to be written on, but you knew that she did her best to hide the whole spot… ,,It looks very good….’’ you chuckled to yourself, walking in an aisle Things changed quickly afterward. In fact, you found a phone and loving every human being and wanting to help them whenever they were in need, you agreed on returning the phone to the owner, entering a strange apartment and ending up living there. You entered a group chat with different people, who at first were totally suspicious about you. But who wouldn’t be under these circumstances? However, there was one person who caught your heart more than anyone else, despite you never meet that person. He could make you smile whenever his name popped up in the group chat. His jokes were sometimes tasteless and you had the feeling that he was more like a dork loving to tease others, but you couldn’t change the fact that you had the feeling that whenever he wrote something, your heart was beating quicker and more quickly. Five days later, when you were kind of on friendly terms with everyone, something happened. ,,How can the chatroom get hacked when he’s a hacker himself?’’ you asked yourself in the middle of the night as you were chatting with him and the woman called Jaehee. ,,So I guess I should ask Mr. Han to send everyone a bodyguard… but what about MC?’’ Jaehee asked, making your hands feel sweaty. You would be lying if you told them that you would be okay as you in fact were very scared already for the past five days. When Seven, however, said that he would have to go to your place as the address was still classified, you felt a bit happy for being under these circumstances. ,,Yey!! God Seven!!’’ you commented, chuckling to yourself and forgetting what it was all about. However, the happiness quickly quieted down after he confessed he would have to keep an eye on you through the CCTV as he still had some work to do… The time went by and you kept chatting with the member of the RFA, still not knowing what danger you would have to face soon enough. For now, however, you were getting worried over the maid at his place. The henna on your wrist was still visible as you wondered if under these circumstances you would ever be able to see a name on your wrist… ,,Again, a warning,’’ you sightened, but was quickly distracted by Seven and Jaehee chatting in the chatroom. Seven was working hard for you and you couldn't help but blush at his words. Earlier he called you, telling you that you would stay safe, however you still urged for his voice and his touch. ,,I knew it! I felt as if you were working for me every 2.35 seconds!!’’ you responded, laughing as you could imagine how Jaehee was feeling reading these messages. ,,Oh my God, he build a robot for me!’’ you gasped later on when he sent you a picture of the roboter which was supposed to keep you safe. Your cheeks were burning as you kept chatting with the both of them, feeling more than blessed. The day went on and evening came. Once again you were chatting with Seven and Yoosung, finding out that Seven planned on throwing out the robot, making you anxious. He denied that he had feelings for you, making you very sad, but knowing that he was still worried for you and that the others were sure that he had feelings for you, made you stay positive until he asked you to not get too curious about him. Seven suddenly pushed you away, making tears come up to your eyes as you still tried to be supportive. ,,Please don’t…’’ you begged, feeling hurt but trying to still show off your good mood in the chatroom. ,,Why is he so sad lately?’’ you wondered, trying to get him to come over to the place you were staying. The special security system has been activated. The special security system has been deactivated. The special security system has been activated. Afterwards things turned out even more complicated as all RFA members received some weird messages, beginning with Jaehee and followed by Zen. The two of you also chatted about Seven feeling low for those few days and how you wanted to get to know him better. Things quickly changed when Seven suddenly ordered you to stay in the apartment and when he warned you that something bad might happen to you and indeed something did happen. Moments later someone broke in, coming through the window. The white haired man confessed his sins and was ready to take you with him and he held you closely to him. In your mind all you could think of was Luciel, who promised to save you. And just when you were prepared to die, the man you were waiting for came in. The golden eyes caught your eyes and for a second you were in a trance. You had the feeling to flow, despite being in great danger. He was sweating as he was talking to the unknown person, calling him Saeran. You wondered if they both knew each other when suddenly the system was activated. ,,Get out of here, Saeran! It’s sensing a stranger! This place will blow up!’’ he hissed, making your heart skip a beat. Was this the way you were going to die? Luckily, however, with Seven’s help, you bit the stranger’s arm and quickly ran into Seven’s warm arms, holding you close to him. ,,Good…’’ he whispered as the countdown kept going. Only when eight seconds were left, the stranger called Saeran went out again, making it all calm down… ,,You shouldn’t get too involved with me,’’ the red haired man hissed at you after he just protected you from the Unknown person who tried to break in through the window, trying to kidnap you. You were still scared, frightened by what just happened. However, Luciel, the person you seemed to know and like, was a totally different person. He was cold and distant, always working on his computer and ignoring you. He was like a different person, and once again you felt sad. Sitting on the soft bed in that room you looked up, wondering if a soulmate was really a thing. Was there even a person like that? Your heart was aching, seeing Luciel sad and angry. However, seeing that he was keeping his distance showed you that there was no way that you could get close to him. At that point, you still didn’t know how wrong you were… Hours passed as all the members of the RFA were worried for you. You managed to calm them down and you also shared your worries about Seven as he was really mean to you. He wasn’t even eating with you, only constantly in rage and aggression. The person you first fell in love with seemed different as you observed him from afar. ,,Are you sure that you don’t want to eat? I ordered us chicken,’’ you mumbled after you just paid the delivery man. ,,I SAID YOU SHOULDN’T GET CLOSE TO ME!’’ he hissed, making you shiver. Tears slowly filled your eyes. ,,You even broke the cat… how can you change so much? Is it so hard to trust me?’’ you asked him and turned away. Although, you didn’t really have enough space to keep your distance. You only felt better after showering. The henna tattoo on your wrist was fully washed off by now. You looked at your wrist, seeing an unknown name when it suddenly hit you. ,,OH MY GOD!’’ you screamed, making Seven twitch, turning his head to you in horror. ,,I…I found my soulmate!’’ you giggled, immediately dialing the number of your best friend. You didn’t see how sad Seven suddenly looked and how disappointed he was in himself. Only when he heard the name you told your friend over the phone, a lot of things changed. ,,It’s saying ,,Saeyoung!!’’ ‘’ you laughed, making Seven turn his head over to you after you called out his name. The red-haired man's hands began to tremble, making him realize that you didn’t call him out but were still on the phone. ,,Huh? No, I… well, I had a henna tattoo on my wrist and actually could never see… what? Yes! I know it was stupid of me,’’ you said over the phone. Seven could see the smile on your lips as your fingers touched the letters of that name. ,,I don’t know who he is, but I guess it’s the delivery man from earlier!’’ you said. Seven quickly turned his head around, his eyes on his laptop as he slowly pulled up his hoodie, checking his wrist. ,,Mc…’’ he whispered, as your name appeared on his skin. He felt lucky and at the same time Seven feared the worst. You were the one, you were his soulmate, you were the one who was bound to be in danger because of him. He hated himself even more… Since that day, you ordered food from the same delivery three times a day. Seven on the other hand was very happy to hear that it was always the wrong person you were waiting for. Not even the other delivery men could tell you the name of the man who brought you food that evening. Seeing that you were still struggling at getting to know the man’s name, and finding out if Saeyoung was indeed his name, Seven used his chance to get closer to you, hiding the fact that he was your soulmate and that his name was Saeyoung. He guessed that on the day Saeran broke in and you ran into his arms, the names appeared on each other’s wrists. And he was quite lucky that you had a henna tattoo… Things changed and quickly the both of you came to become friendly with each other again. You even seemed to not care about the name of the delivery man. What surprised him even more was that you agreed on coming with him to save his brother after he confessed everything. ,,What will you do about your soulmate?’’ Saeyoung asked you, to make sure you were sure about this dangerous trip. ,,We’re soulmates. After all, we already found each other once, we will find each other again… besides, you are the one I fell in love with… my soulmate doesn’t have to be the person I have to have a romantic relationship with. He could also be my platonic soulmate,’’ you answered, warming up his heart. You were indeed the person he needed, the person he needed to get to know. The special one. The RFA too supported you. Despite them only knowing you for ten days, they forgave you for not being able to come to the party and were happy that you and Seven seemed to be on good terms again. And finally, they were also able to see a picture of you as you and Seven were on your way to saving Saeran, his twin brother. ,,We look like a couple,’’ you giggled, making Seven smile as he was driving. However, there was still something he had to confess to you. A new chatroom was opened where Seven mentioned that he didn’t want to have any secrets between the two of you anymore. ,,Do you want to know my real name?’’ Seven asked you. ,,Saeyoung,’’ he wrote, making you look up, your eyes meeting his. He was already observing your reaction as you tried to read his name over and over again. ,,Mc, my name is Saeyoung. Luciel isn't my real name… The name on your wrist is mine. Yours is on mine, actually,’’ he laughed. This trip would be a dangerous one, you knew, but you also knew that with him, your soulmate, everything would be alright….

ᗰᗩᔕTEᖇᒪIᔕT

11.04.2022 // 22:11 MEST

[ironwoodprotectionsquad]

Thank you for running this blog to keep memory of tin man alife and his legacy protected from CRWBY and superfans. If you are able to, can you recommend fanfics involning Ironwood please? Preferably IronQrow, as its my favorite ship. Ironwood x Reader also would be fine, as I'm a massive simp.

Just gonna combine these asks @zukokinnieuwu because they are very similar! But oh gosh I adore Hero with every fiber of my being. Caleb has an amazing voice and my gosh that song is just a powerful song for me and is a reminder of who James is and how much he cares and wants to keep people safe. I feel so bad for James and all he suffered through because of the writers so needlessly. Fan content does help a lot but it still makes me so painfully sad knowing the writers just don’t care. Thank you so much for your kind words!

Hey anon!! Thank you so much! I honestly love running this blog and finding and making content for James it's just so nice to be able to share my love for a character you know? As for fanfics I still haven't read nearly as many as I would like but I do have a few fics I do thoroughly recommend (Mostly IronQrow sorry not sorry)

You honestly cannot go wrong with anything written by @victorious1956 just they've got some great stuff especially in this years IronQrow Week department. Here is one fic I loved with all of the feels and tenderness in it.

I also love in general love Anderazu this fic here is pretty cute with some bonus points of some mischievous Penny as well which I love.

I would also recommend looking at this post I have here with my top ten favorite IronQrow fics. Okay nine cuz I wrote one of em deal with it.

I know you said you would prefer IQ but this is a CloverxJamesxQrow fic that yes it rated M but if you are cool with NSFW this fic is an amazing roller coaster ride and actually had me crying at one point and I think it is well worth the read.

I’ve only gotten around to read some of these but this series is literally called James Ironwood is treated better then me then by the original writers by the_tired_bisexual_agenda and uh it’s definitely true from what I’ve seen!

Ohhh and @awkward-tension-art (who also wrote the previous stuff) also wrote this amazing body positivity fic for James that I adore.

I also answered this ask from forever ago with a bunch of authors recommended to me from an IronQrow server I am in so most of these authors will be IronQrow.

Ohhh this is a really good Jamesxreader. again by the_tired_bisexual_agenda Very soft and gives me all the feels. 

This fic by JamesBranwen is a lovely read and makes my heart melt every time. 

LacePendragon has several very long IronQrow fics that are fantastic and I have not even finished them yet because I have no time oops but I recommend them very highly but here is a very sweet one shot that is just so soft and wonderful I adore it.

KiraH has this absolutely adorable winter fic that is too cute for words. It is pre relationship but oh they are both just so wonderful in this fic I love it. 

I will also shamelessly self promote my own fics because uh well I am proud of it. This fic is only just starting but I am so excited for a lot of the stuff in some upcoming chapters that I hope people will enjoy. 

Did I potentially repeat myself between all of this? Ohhhhh very likely. Do I care? Eh not really. I know their are probably mannnnnyyyyy amazing IronQrow fics out their still I have not had the pleasure of reading but I can’t wait to find more and read them once things settle down for me. If anyone has any other recs please please please let me know! 

[rai-knightshade]

I posted 23,545 times in 2021

16 posts created (0%)

23529 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1470.6 posts.

I added 777 tags in 2021

#zelink - 306 posts

#macdalton - 111 posts

#shirbert - 92 posts

#eurovision - 65 posts

#self reblog - 62 posts

#alexander rybak - 41 posts

#yes - 29 posts

#zelda my beloved - 26 posts

#🥺🥺🥺 - 23 posts

#yeah - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#scottish people landing in nova scotia and naming it that because it reminded them of home 🥺🥺 they had no idea!!! how right they were!!!

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Random love: ❤️❤️❤️

What’s your favourite fluffy MacDalton headcanon?

*brain goes blank like a blue screened computer* uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh.......

Oh!

Headcanon: Mac tinkers a lot on their off days, doing stuff that would confuse even a moderate science enthusiast let alone Jack, so Jack usually just leaves him be for hours on end until he finally goes looking for him at bed time and finds Mac sprawled across whatever, dead asleep, so Jack usually picks him up bridal style and gets Mac back in bed for some proper sleep!

3 notes • Posted 2021-07-26 12:31:37 GMT

#4

4, 18 👀

Oh thank you! I never get asks so this is a treat 😂

4. A song that didn't qualify for the final but should have:

Alekseev, Forever, Belarus 2018 (it was good!! I'm sad!!!)

18. A song that qualified for the final but shouldn't have:

Uhhhh ok imma be real with you chief you probably should've led with the question about "first eurovision watched" because the answer to that is... 2019. Sort of. I got to see who won 😂 so my knowledge of the contest is limited to 2009, 2018, sort of 2019, 2020, and now 2021, with some random winners/straight bops thrown in from other years. All that is to say... I don't have one 😅 there's no song that comes to mind that I've actively listened to that makes me think "god how did this even get here". (Though that may change for this year, stay tuned.)

Ask me about eurovision and I'll try to answer

3 notes • Posted 2021-05-18 14:08:57 GMT

#3

Tumblr tag game

Tagged by @azurelacrima , thanks!!!!

Gender: Female

Star sign: Gemini

Height: 5'5" (just average 😅)

Time: by the time I get this posted it'll probably be 6pm/18:00

Favorite Bands: Pink Floyd, Def Leppard, Foreigner, KEiiNO, Maroon V but not super hardcore, ABBA, LOONA but it's still low level, Computer Games

Solo Artists: this is a hot take but I'm putting Panic! At the Disco here cause one man does not a band make, Alexander Rybak, TSwift but not Swifty level ya know?, Katy Perry but mostly just her og classics, Elvis

Following: 1380 (a solid chunk of which probably are not active)

Followers: 441 on my main, though @rai-knightshade-art only has 51. V small blogs 😅

Last Show Binged: Macgyver when I went through all of season 1 and the first few episodes of 2, like, a year ago or something. ...I don't watch tv much 😂

When did I create this blog?: 2013 I think, I'm an oldie

Last thing googled: Dala Horses, cause I was decorating Dala Horse cookies and wanted to try to get the icing to look like the paint!

Why I chose this URL: it's been my internet handle since I created Rai the character in 2013, keeps everything consistent under the pseudonym

Hours of sleep: idk depends on the night. 8-10ish is the goal usually, tho?

Lucky Number: 8!

Instruments: played the flute for about 9 years but haven't picked it up in about 4, and I own a Kalimba now!

Favorite food: tortellini! Usually in a red sauce, tho I've tested it in others (red is best)

Favorite song: uhhhhh like right now? All time? From different eras? Fuck it in answering all those questions.

Childhood favorite: Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

Teen/Early College favorite: Stressed Out by Twenty Øne Piløts

Pandemic rediscovered favorites: tie between Hey You by Pink Floyd and Europe's Skies by Alexander Rybak

Current favorite: toss up between Monument by KEiiNO and Strela Amura by Alexander Rybak, tho his new collab with Sirusho, Stay, is becoming a new fave

Dream Trip: I've got a few in mind, mainly a tour of Europe (especially the Nordics + the UK) and New Zealand

Dream Job: ideally irl I wanna be a head web designer somewhere, but if I could do anything ever I'd be, like, someone that's just paid to travel the world and experience new stuff and maybe draw it. That would be so cool

Nationality: U.S. American, specifically Kansas!

Tagging: @panchostokes @impossiblepluto @thesammykinz and anyone else who wants to give it a go!

3 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 00:11:39 GMT

#2

Tagged by Ezra aka @thesorrowoflizards , thanks my dude! "You can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs then tag 10 people! no skipping!"

Aiight, let's see.... Probably shouldn't use the one-artist-only playlist huh? 😂 Let's go with my Lovecore Playlist instead:

1. Cold Hearted (Glee Cast Version)

2. Danse for Trærne (Dancing for the Trees), Alexander Rybak (lovecore includes all forms of love, actually, including friendship)

3. La Vie En Rose (Single Version), Louis Armstrong

4. You Can't Hurry Love, The Supremes

5. A Winter's Night, KEiiNO

6. Is This Love (2018 Remaster), Whitesnake

7. Once Upon a Dream (from Disney's Sleeping Beauty)

8. I'm a Believer (Soundtrack Version), Smash Mouth

9. Rainbow Connection (from The Muppet Movie)

10. Say You Won't Let Go, James Arthur

My taste is.... Eclectic, shall we say 😂 the unifying connector though? Lovecore 😍😍 (and violins 🎻)

Tagging: @parttimetrickster , @beautiful-flutey , @lord-owlsnake , @thesammykinz , @panchostokes , @deanbennyforthewin , @telltaleclerk and anyone else who'd like to do this!

4 notes • Posted 2021-02-21 15:56:26 GMT

#1

Tumblr Catch Up! Thanks for tagging me @mojsvijet!

Rules: answer the questions and tag the nine people you wanna catch up with!

Last Song I Listened To: technically I'm still listening to it but I've had it on loop for a bit so still counts. It's Looking My Way by Alexander Rybak and Philip Cecil

Last Film? Sonic the Hedgehog. Yes, really. It was fun! Not stellar, but it was good clean fun

Show I'm Watching: ostensibly Macgyver but I haven't actually watched a full episode since last summer soooooo none? None I don't watch tv nearly enough

Book I'm Reading: I haven't read a book in years 😅😅 I suck at this catch up I'm sorry

Tagging: @panchostokes @thesammykinz @dont-stop-believin-in-klaine @thesorrowoflizards @telltaleclerk @lavendersblues @thethistlegirl @impossiblepluto @deanbennyforthewin @spiritsontheroof please be marginally better at this than I am djsjfkskdkd

5 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 06:55:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[shnuggletea]

InuKagWeek 2020

Alright, to those of you still here, thank you! To those of you who left... eh, it's your choice. Anyway, here is chapter two day two of InuKagweek 2020! Loyalty. @inukag-week thanks for the poster art and here’s my day two! Still working on my own art for this piece. Something I was working on a while ago and quit. Hence why Kagome looks way better if you ask me. Thank you @petri808​ for showing me a few tricks for my posts on tumblr!

Chapter 2 of 8 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Fanfiction link HERE

AO3 link HERE

Or if you’d rather, just reading reading!

Loyalty

If I'm being honest, I never had a job in food service. But I had to assume they were all the same mostly. Things like learning the names of the drinks and the regular customers as well as how to handle a tray filled with heavy things were to be expected. However, given my place of 'work', getting grabbed, touched, and pinched wasn't. Two weeks later and I was as used to it as you could be. When you go from living in a girls home, sharing a room, and counseling sweet innocent children to your own space in a mansion and bringing drinks backstage to the dancers, it would never feel normal.

The girls were nice enough though and I never saw Inuyasha which I was fine with. Mostly.

I'd even made friends with most of those that worked there. Some were just there to strip and make money so a little inexperienced waitress wasn't worth their time. Which was fine. But my favorite was a girl named Sango.

Her eyes brightened at the sight of me, a smile on her pretty face as she paused in putting on her fake lashes. I handed off the other drinks, giving Sango her whiskey sour last. "Oh, I do love the nights you're working Kagome."

"Which is every night?"

Sango giggled, taking a sip and moaning her appreciation of the flavor. "Yes. But you are so quick with our orders. The others take forever."

"I just don't want you guys going without some liquid courage. I couldn't do what you guys do."

Sango tisked her tongue at me as I leaned against her vanity table. "It's not that bad. I mean, the audition was a little awkward."

"Audition?"

Sango went back to her makeup, lining her lips with a dark red lipstick. "Yeah. Having to get naked in from of the boss? That was nerve-wracking, wasn't it? Naomi told me she had to do the same thing even as a server. You had to too right?"

I shuttered. So everyone had to do that? Inuyasha had slept with every single girl in this place as an audition? Was that what that was? I lost my virginity to a man like that?

I swallowed my disgust and the rising vomit in my throat, suddenly feeling a desperate need to get checked for STDs because he definitely didn't wear a condom with me, and pushed off the table. "I should get back to it."

"Yep yep. Don't want the boss to catch you slacking!"

As if he could, he was never here. Too busy 'auditioning' more girls. The only one here every day, giving me a hard time, was Koga. He was always somewhere around the club, waiting to bark at me for doing something wrong or touch me. It was never in an inappropriate place but it was still unwanted. A hand on my shoulder or a push to my back. Once, he patted my butt and I nearly tore his arm off. He hasn't done it since but I see him do it to the others all the time.

Returning to one of my tables, I leaned in to be heard over the loud music. The girl on stage now was talented for sure so I was always surprised when anyone gave me their attention over those on stage. Probably thanks to the required low cut top I had to wear. It wasn't even a top really, it was a vest and I barely fit in it. There definitely wasn't room for a bra. And the pants sat low on my hips so my skin showed all the time. Every time I leaned over, I waited for a breast to fall out. Not that anyone would mind, save for me.

Plastering a smile on my face, I listened as the guy I was attending rattled off a drink order as slowly as he could to keep me there longer. It was a struggle to keep my fake smile up. He finally finished, certain he was touching himself under the table the whole time, I fled to the bar. Far from safe, it still had fewer men ogling me at it.

I rested, waiting for my order and Naomi stood next to me. "Hey, Kagome? I'm not really sure I should say something but...there's a guy here who keeps sitting in my section and watching you."

I suppose stalkers were a normal thing here. It didn't mean I was okay with it. "He's watching me? With that going on?"

I thumbed towards the stage as Sango did a super sexy split on the pole. Not sure what I'd do with myself if I was ever that sexy but it was nice to dream. "Well...I've only been here a few days but yeah. I wasn't going to tell you until I was sure. I mean he's far less creepy than the other guy that watches you…"

"There are two guys watching me?!"

She grabbed my shoulders to reassure me. "I'm not really sure! I haven't even been here a week yet. But it seems like this guy is definitely here to watch you. He sits in the corner booth in the back so he can see you but you never seem to see him…" I gently pulled from her hold and made the quick decision to face the creep. "Wait, Kagome!"

I waved back to her, heading off towards the mentioned table. "Don't worry, I won't get you in trouble."

I didn't have to go all the way to the table, figuring out pretty quickly who it was. Shaking my head and growling a laugh in irritation, I walked right up to Inuyasha who looked a little taken aback that I seemed to notice him. Crossing my arms over my chest served two purposes; hiding my overexposed breasts and showing him how pissed I was at him in general. How the hell did Naomi not know who this was? She auditioned for him last week!

Setting his drink down carefully, he cleared his throat over the loud music and adjusted his seat. "I just wanted to check on you, that's all. See how my investment was holding up."

That wasn't good enough for me and I told him as much by not changing or saying a thing.

"This is my club, damnit, I can come in and do whatever the fuck I want."

"Yes you can, Boss," Koga said, coming up from behind out of nowhere. "Everything up to your standards?"

There was something about Koga. He said one thing but clearly felt another. Inuyasha had to be ignoring it, no way he missed the indignation in Koga's demeanor. "Everything is fine, Koga. Except for your customers getting too handsy with the wait staff!"

To my added irrigation, Koga put his hands on my shoulders as if to hold me steady. Never did I ever need another to keep me steady or still and now wasn't the exception. I glared over my shoulder at him but he ignored me. But then his hands popped off me as if burned and I turned back to Inuyasha who looked ready to kill someone. And that someone was Koga so he stepped further away from me.

"I'll..uh...I'll see what I can do about that, Sir."

Just the two of us again, I turned to leave but Inuyasha called out to me again. "Looks like you're blending in here. A real chameleon or just within your element here?"

Turning on my heel, I stormed back up to his table. Leaning over I put my finger as close to his face as I could. "I survive. It's what I've always done and those girls back at the home wouldn't if they were tossed out on the street. So remember that when you think I'm okay with any of this. With you, this place, getting my ass grabbed daily, or even going through your audition. I'm a survivor and I will survive this."

He had backed up a little in his seat but I'd rid the distance in an instant. Big golden eyes danced between my finger, eyes, and lips. "I can see that." I slowly removed myself from his bubble and he crossed his arms over his chest like he was the one wronged. "I said I was sorry the other night. I lost control and took things too far…"

"Do you say that to all the others too? Is this your blanket apology for using women the way that you do?"

He had been looking toward the exit but snapped back to me with my words. "What are you talking about?"

I huffed, pissed to the point of tears. "Fine. Play dumb. Stop coming here and watching me. I'm not going to screw up your stupid club."

He tried to say something but I really wasn't interested. It wasn't like we didn't live together, not that I ever saw him at home either. If he really wanted to talk to me, he could do it there.

I caught Koga grinning at me as I stormed away, feeling Inuyasha's glare on my back. All I could think was that I really had fallen into a den of demons somehow.

oOo

Checking every day, every hour, I didn't see Inuyasha return. A week had passed and he hadn't come back to the club. Meaning things went back to the way they were, not seeing or hearing from him at all. This time I was glad.

That is until I got to work on another Friday night.

The place was packed and Koga was far too pleased about it. "Kagome you're going on stage tonight."

"Wait, what?!"

"We're short-staffed and I've gotten requests. So you're dancing tonight. Be ready to go on after Kiki."

I was numb, staring at my reflection at the vanity that Sango let me use. She was doing something with my hair but I felt none of it. The only man I'd ever been naked in front of was Inuyasha and I was fine with that. It was a livable condition to my servitude. But now I was going to be naked in front of a ton more. As I said, the place was packed tonight so easily 50-60 people were going to see my bush.

"It's not that big a deal, Kagome, I promise."

"That's easy for you to say! You can dance! And you're super sexy."

Sango sat down beside her and frowned. "You're sexy!" When I frowned in return, she kept on. "You are! Plus, dancing isn't so bad. You're alone and no one is touching you. It's easy to pretend you're just dancing in front of your mirror. Stay out of the champagne rooms though. They touch a lot in there."

I'd heard about those rooms and had stayed clear the entire time I'd worked here. But I was a server. As a dancer, if someone paid to take me in there, didn't I have to go?

The question was bouncing around in my brain when the door to the dressing room slammed open. Inuyasha took a quick look around and when his eyes landed on me, they went from bronze to molten metal. The others squealed and ran while I was frozen in my seat, Sango stuck by me even as he stormed up and ripped me up from my seat. The only thing he said or did before dragging me out was grab a robe and throw it at me.

"Cover yourself."

In the bra and panty set I had worn there that night, cause no way in hell was I borrowing from anyone else, it was nearly my turn to go on but Inuyasha was taking us towards the exit. Koga stood near it, shaking with anger and...fear?

"I told you. I fucking warned you. She's not to go on the fucking stage. Ever. She can't even dance!"

"Look, I got requests, what was I supposed to do…"

"Tell them to fuck off, that's what! Jesus, what the hell do I pay you for?! When some asshole with a few bucks tells you what to do and you listen to them instead of me?"

Koga's head hung low but I didn't feel any pity in the slightest. "Sorry, Boss."

Inuyasha still had my hand in a death grip but he put his free one on Koga's shoulder. It was the kindest act I'd ever seen him do. "If anyone bothers you, you call me. Got it?"

I didn't get to see how Koga reacted, Inuyasha pulling us out into the night. He stopped, only to wrap his coat around me before shoving me into his car. The ride was silent until I could take it no longer. Anger was surging in me. Sure, he saved me but who asked him anyway?!

"I don't get you at all. You put me in a strip club to work but then get pissed because people want me to take off my clothes?"

"You're a server."

"IN A STRIP CLUB! What did you think was going to happen?!"

"I thought you'd do your fucking job!"

A dark laugh escaped my lips and Inuyasha turned to glare at me. "My fucking job? Interesting words coming from you. Considering you bought me to fuck you."

"I told you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to …"

I wanted him to stop apologizing because it made the loss of my virginity a regret to him. I didn't regret it, I had enjoyed it until he opened his fat mouth! "It doesn't change a thing! Your apology doesn't change that night and it doesn't make my hymen magically grow back! And it doesn't change your complete lack of care for my feelings on the subject either!"

"Lack of care?!"

"I know I should be thankful...that things could be a lot worse…" I really tried not to, because I didn't want to give him my tears, but I couldn't stop them either. "But it's hard to feel anything but resentment when I went from being surrounded by angels all day to working for the devil."

I cut my sobs off after five escaped and Inuyasha listened to each one. It made me wonder if he got off on them until he spoke again. "The devil huh? That's how you see me?"

Nothing more was said even as we split off to our rooms. The devil going silently into his and I could honestly say for the first time that I hated someone. Cause I hated Inuyasha.

oOo

I half expected Inuyasha to show up at the club again the next day. But with him nowhere in sight two hours in, I considered him a no show and went about business as usual.

Sango was happy to see me, jumping up as soon as I entered the dressing room while everyone else seemed surprised to see me as well. "Oh man, last night was intense. You're okay, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Inuyasha is just...weird…"

"Weird? I thought it was hot as hell. I wish I had a boyfriend that protective. I was wondering why you were just a server all this time but now I get it…"

"Wait," I stopped her ramble with a gentle hand in her face, "that guy is not my boyfriend."

"Huh? Then who the hell is he? The way he dragged you out of here I thought for sure he made you quit…."

"What the hell do you mean, who is he? He's the boss!"

Sango's face and those eavesdropping around us twisted in confusion. "No, Koga's the boss."

I looked around, finding faces that agreed. "Wait...so when you said you auditioned for the boss…"

"Yeah, Koga. He made us all strip for him in his tiny little office. I was scared he'd do more but that was it."

I felt faint, my head getting light and my breaths feeling shallow. "But I thought… Inuyasha…."

"Kagome? Are you alright?"

Sango was holding me up off the floor and I gripped her shoulders tight. "Yeah, I just… need some air…"

If she didn't have her first set in five minutes, I was sure Sango would have gone with me. As it was, I wasn't sure I wanted the company anyway, following her finger to the back door of the dressing room.

It was freezing out, middle of January, and snow falling lightly from the black sky above. The cold helped my brain though, forcing the sticky feeling inside it to freeze so it would function.

So when Inuyasha said he was sorry...what had he said? He didn't mean to, that he lost control. Did he never intend to sleep with me? He was Koga's boss but not the boss of the other women? How did that make sense? It was if he had some kind of loyalty and he was actually showing it to me but I didn't understand or know how to take it.

Damn, now I hated him a little less.

"Hey."

So lost in thought, I missed the guy standing nearby, smoking. He took a step closer and I took a step back. It pushed me into the dark and him into the light. The bright red bulb at the end of his cigarette as he took a long drag and then tossed it. His features were sharp and dangerous looking, even with his long, wavy locks that softened his appearance. It was his eyes really, they were dull and lifeless and set on her.

"You're...Kagome right?" I really didn't like that he knew my name. "I'm a bit of a fan of yours. I'm Naraku."

He stuck out a hand but I refused to remove mine from their wrapped position around my chest. Naraku chuckled as he dropped the offer, digging in his pocket for something so I took another step back. A new cigarette and lighter in his hands, I still didn't relax, trying to slide towards the door. If he noticed, he said and did nothing as I grabbed a hold of the handle and pulled with all my might. But the door didn't budge.

"It's locked from the outside. Usually, the girls leave something to block the door but I guess they didn't tell you about that, did they?" he was grinning while my skin was trying to find a new home far from him. "Why don't you dance? You have a killer body and are so damn sexy. Does Inuyasha have a reason for not letting you? I must admit, it has me curious about your relationship to him."

"We don't have a relationship past employee and employer."

He shook his head, clucking his tongue at me. "Koga is your boss. Or...isn't he?" I fidgeted, looking for a way out. "Oh...I see… you belong to Inuyasha, don't you? Just what is your title then?"

My only choice was to walk around the building to the front, which I was about to do when the door popped open and Sango's head appeared. "Kagome? There you are! Sorry, I forgot to warn you about the lock…"

I was breezing past her, not worrying about the slip-up and Sango was glaring at Naraku. "If you ever want a change of pace, Kagome, let me know."

The door slammed heavily behind us and I couldn't be happier. Sango was still looking behind us as if Naraku had a key he forgot to mention. "You should stay away from that guy, Kagome. I'm not sure why he's even allowed near the building."

"Why do you say that?"

She looked back at me, her face pale. "Well...he snaked away a few of the girls that worked here a few years ago to work at his house or something. He promised them more pay and no stripping. But the last I heard he was sleeping with all of them and only some of them were willing."

I didn't bother hiding my disgust, nearly vomiting on the dark tile below us. Sango looked sick too. We were making our way back towards the front, Sango required to 'meet and greet' after her show and get tips. I was supposed to get tips too but I think they all went to Inuyasha or something. They could all go to the home for all I cared, I was loyal to the cause.

Naomi ran up to us as soon as we made it out of the hall and into the main floor. "Kagome, someone is here for you."

If it was Naraku again, I was just going to slug him and call over Koga. But it wasn't him. It was Mother Kaede.

And Naraku shows up, so you know there's going to be issues. Drama. Angsty drama. Weeeeeee...

[i-just-really-like-ladies]

Hey op, I saw your post about discovering you were autistic. Something similar is happening to me except I haven't gone for a diagnosis yet. Would it be okay for you to talk about how you knew?

For me there are things that...fit really well, that hit very close to home, but others not so, so Im not sure if whatever it is that I've got (because clearly, something is there.) I'm not very sure if the autistic spectrum can be so wide as for me to be included in it.

Any tips?

Of course, happy to help.

For me there were three kind of bigger indicators.

First, and after discussing this one with my therapist, it seems to be very consistent across autistic people: I've always felt different. Like I knew that I was at the very least slightly off in comparison to other people. (Please excuse the phrasing, I couldn't think of another way to put it properly).

Second, linked with the first: I have always experienced this thing I like to describe as 'not feeling like a real person'. All that really means is that I see the way other people are out laughing boldly with friends or joking or just straight up experiencing the world, and I think "man, I wish I could be a real person." And it always made me sad because I was consciously realising that I cannot and do not experience the world in the same way most neurotypical people do. It was just this huge feeling of otherness. (My therapist indicated that this is very common)

Third: masking. Now, this one made me feel bad for a really long time because I had no clue what was going on until my ex-girlfriend was like "oh, yeah, that's masking." For me, one of the biggest ways I mask is to copy mannerisms and speech patterns of people I'm around. I do it the most when I really like someone (friend like or romantically) or when a person makes me so extremely uncomfortable that I guess my brain is like "you need to mimic them for safety reasons." The reason this one bothered me so much is that I always felt like I just couldn't have my own personality, why was I always copying other people, surely they've all noticed and think I'm a fucking weirdo. It was very upsetting until I learned it was masking. Finding that out has helped me to accept it when I do it, even though I am trying to mask less.

So, those are the big three. There are lots of other minor things. I have ocd, which very commonly goes hand in hand with Autism. I got that need for rigid schedule and following the same patterns almost daily (slight variations are okay, but people planning stuff and not telling me when I've already set up my personal schedule for the day in my head, big no no). I eat the same foods on repeat and have an extremely difficult time changing it up. When I like food or dislike it, the primary reason is texture. (My fiance actually pointed this one out. Apparently I talk about the texture of food a ton).

I'm sure you've probably come across information about the emotionality of Autistic people. The common trope is that we are very emotionless. However, thats not accurate at all. There are two main big categories of where we can fall: tending to not feel emotions very strongly (the trope), and feeling emotions very intensely, more intensely than neurotypical society says is appropriate 🙄. I fall into this category, and I hate it because I have spent so much time trying to just not feel my emotions because they are so intense and my expression of them is 'inappropriate' that it has caused a great many mental health issues for me. So the eye roll face is because I think that the appropriate expression of emotion dictated by most of society is stupid. Along with this one, I have a hard time verbalizing and verbally identifying how I am feeling. As a result, I tend to just tell people I am upset. My therapist says this is somewhat common amongst Autistic individuals. I cannot recall the reasoning she gave for it being common, but I am including it because it was brought up in the process of discussing all this.

I also have this huge tendency to overexplain my reasons for things I've done or said because I do not want to be misunderstood/I have experienced misunderstanding so many times that I learned to do this at some point (I consider this to be part of my masking). This one seems to be pretty common, at least from tiktok. I've seen a lot of Autistic people on tiktok mention it.

Side note in relation to this but still relevant to the post imo, I hate that society tends to think you are lying the more detail you provide. I have a tendency to find all details absolutely vital. So when telling someone about what happened in a situation, I relay as much information as I can. Apparently, that means you are lying. It frustrates me a lot.

In that same vein, another thing my therapist said is fairly common: many Autistic people like to ask why continuously. Not as in just repeating "why," but rather that someone will say "I don't know" or provide an answer, but we often are still seeking a further reason. I've done this my entire life, and booooy does it aggravate people. For me it is just that I want to know the reasoning behind things. I want to know as much information as possible about the topic, and, as mentioned above, I tend to find every single detail absolutely important. That just leads to continuously asking why.

So another one for me, of which I am unsure the commonality: I have a very difficult time maintaining friendships unless I see someone most days of the week. I would say about 5 out of the 7 makes it the easiest for me, but it has worked out on less than that, rarely. The reason for this is that I forget to talk to people when I cannot physically see them. I mean, I just don't think about it for weeks on end. Then I will for a second, but won't message them because I'm doing something, and then forget about it again for ages. Part of this is that I prefer in person communication because I can try to read people's body language and facial expressions. The other part is tone of voice is more clear in person than via text. Now, this one bothered me when I was trying to figure out if I was autistic because it is common for Autistic people to not recognise facial cues and body language the same way as neurotypical people. Turns out, according to my testing results paperwork, i just have a higher ability to recognise facial expressions than most people diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. So, I just vary a bit from the average.

Within this same vein is the commonly known 'eye contact issue'. The stereotype is that we cannot and do not make eye contact. This is so false. Many Autistic people do not make eye contact well, yes, but not all. For example, I do. I told one of my brothers I was getting tested for Autism and his response was, and I quote literally here, "I don't think you're Autistic because you make eye contact." What he didn't know is the reason why I make eye contact. I do it because I was taught repeatedly that it is how you show people you are listening. So, basically, I'm masking when I make eye contact because I'm solely doing it to show someone I am listening to them. In fact, 😆 I commonly am sitting there telling myself to make eye contact in order to indicate that I am present and interested in what the other person is saying. I also have a harder time masking this way when attempting to talk about things that are important and emotionally relevant to me. In therapy, I rarely make eye contact with my therapist because it is so difficult to talk about things in general that I cannot also make eye contact. Lastly, for this one, the more comfortable I am with someone, the less I make eye contact with them. My fiance, for example, not very common at all that I do it.

There is also the very common special interests phenomenon. The media tends to show this as a math or science thing, but it really isn't. I follow one tiktoker whose special interest is bugs and, I believe, art. I highly recommend her. Her handle is: soundoftheforest. For me, it's language/linguistics and ancient egypt, Greece and Rome. Really, I'd say ancient anywhere history, but those are the big three. Egypt has been my longest interest, besides language. I actually remember the moment I was like "this is it for life." I was 7 and had finished my library books but was bored at daycare. So I went to the book shelf and picked up a book about King Tut. It was the page I read about the day Howard Carter found the tomb. And I just knew me and Ancient Egypt were meant to be forever. As for language, I've literally always been fascinated by it. I started speaking very early and with more complex words than is usual. And I just continued to love language from there. I ended up studying ancient Greek and Latin in college. Also, I info dump about these all the time, almost anytime I possibly can because they're so fucking cool. 😁

Another side note, it is common for Autistic individuals to have delays in speaking, I just did not. It is not something required for the diagnosis. It is just very common.

This one is a little bit weird, and might just be a me thing, but I've discussed it with my therapist. She indicated that it very much aligns with Autism. I cannot, or can but with extreme apprehension and knowledge that I will leave depressed; I simply cannot go into buildings of certain lighting, age, and design. It seems to be buildings that look and/or feel like they were built in the 1960s or 1970s. We haven't really figured out why that is a thing, but it is. I once didn't bother to finish applying for a job to teach Latin that I'd basically been guaranteed so long as I sent in the app because when I went for the interview I saw the building and knew I could not teach there, even part time, because the building would depress me constantly. It's a weird one, but if you have anything at all where you just cannot do it because you know it will affect you like this, I'd bring it up in discussing potentially being Autistic.

I nearly forgot to mention this one, but you've probably heard about the sensory issues that many Autistic people deal with. I have some with touching things, but it is less common an issue for me than my sound sensitivity issues. I am very sensitive to sound. If I had to give a 4th big reason, this would be it because I get overstimulated and overwhelmed by sound multiple times a day. Its rough. If you also have this issue, I cannot recommend enough noise cancelling headphones and chew stim toys when you don't have your headphones. It's really helpful.

This last one I'm going to mention is something that I think I do just to help prevent burnout from masking, but is also part of me specifically. I am an introvert. So that plays a role in this. I spend the vast majority of my time completely by myself. I do mean even when at home with my fiance. We are often in different rooms. I have no problem with it. It doesn't feel like it is bad for our relationship, thankfully. I just prefer to be alone most of the time. The more time I spend around people, the more time afterwards I need alone. That is partially my introvertedness but also me needing to because I am socially exhausted from masking and trying to read all the social cues and not make weird errors when in social settings 😳, which I do a lot. I think I just default to spending time by myself when I am not required to engage with people in order to ensure that I can later. Plus, in discussing this one with my therapist, we concluded that I do this at least in part to prevent burnout and overstimulation.

As for the testing itself. I discussed this with my therapist for a while when waiting to get tested, and by the time I did get tested, I had a nice long list of stuff to bring up. I would definitely recommend compiling a list of the symptoms/signs you feel are indicative for yourself. It was very quick after I first brought it up in therapy that I decided I needed the official diagnosis for myself. So my therapist gave me recommendations of who to see. I also looked myself because the recommended people were so booked they couldn't even schedule further out. Once I got it scheduled, I had to wait like 3 months for the appointments. So, if you are seeking the official diagnosis, don't give up because it's a long wait. From what I've seen others saying, it's pretty common to have to wait a bit to be seen.

There were 3 appointments, an intake, a testing, and a feedback appointment. The intake appointment involved me talking to the doctor about my experiences and why I thought I might be autistic. She asked me a few questions about the more commonly known signs of autism if I did not mention them. The testing appointment took about 4 hours and involved a self report personality assessment, several verbal and memory activities, a teaching activity, two story telling/creating activities, and (the part I thought was most difficult) an activity in which I had to identify the emotion being expressed by just the eye and eyebrow area of black and white photos of people. I also had a take home assessment for someone who knew me really well. It was related to executive functioning abilities and emotional regulation abilities. I cannot speak on the feedback appointment because of technical issues resulting in not actually having that appointment. I have rescheduled it and will be doing that later this month.

If you have anything more specific you want to ask me about, please do. I am happy to answer.