#man clearly has issues which I get but also work that shit out with a therapist instead of taking it out on your classmates

[figofswords]

.

[willowsnook]

Expensive fight (18+)

Can i please request a lil bit of a salami and pulled pork? (Totally all good if it's just the salami one tho) and can i get that with tomato on white bread, pretty please? But also, could we make it mikes way?

lando norris x gf!reader

She isn’t you

I’d be insane not to love you

“She isn’t you,” Lando said exasperated. “I don’t understand why you’re being so insecure about this.”

“It’s fucking insulting for you even to think I am being insecure,” you snapped back at him. You two had been going at it for the past 15 minutes in your shared Monaco apartment. Lando had just gotten back from London and you were pissed about something he had said on one of Max’s streams. 

“Then what’s the issue?” He said firmly and you threw up your hands. 

“The issue is what you said on the fucking stream!” You yelled. “Now I’m being tagged in all this shit about you cheating on me.”

All season long, the internet has been speculating about Lando cheating on you with a well-known influencer. It was comical to you at first, but it got annoying fast, and Lando’s refusal to address it was starting to wear you down. Someone in the chat had asked about it, and Lando's response, “I’m not going to comment on that,” just sent the internet into a flurry. 

“I’ve told you a million times to stop looking at what the internet says,” he said, irritated. 

“You first,” you shot back, and he glared at you. Shoving past him, you stalked into your bedroom, pulling out your small carry-on suitcase. 

“What are you doing?” Lando asked, watching you pull clothes from your drawers and closet and putting them in the case. 

“Leaving. Clearly, I’m not a priority for you right now and that’s fine. So i’m going to get out of you hair for a little bit. Wouldn’t want me bitching at you to be a distraction,” you said sarcastically, and he rolled his eyes. 

“You are overreacting,” he said tightly, not moving to stop you. 

“You don’t even want to know what me overreacting would look like,” you seethed, getting into his face. 

“Fine,” he said, pulling out his wallet and handing you his credit card. “I’ll let my pilot know you’re heading to the airport.”

You snatched the card out of his hand and left without another word. 

Lando was not happy about the situation but felt somewhat okay with you leaving, knowing that you had his card and that he would have eyes on you through other people he knew. It had been a rough season for your relationship. You’d been together for 5 years, but you were in the trenches this year. Lando’s stress about the WDC, the online hate, and your inability to go to as many races due to work was taking a toll. You both knew you would get through it, but it was tough right now. 

Honestly, he figured that you’d only be gone for a couple of days. He loved you for your fiery attitude but knew you were a softy at heart and was counting on you breaking first. But the weekend came and went, and you still haven’t returned. He knew you were in NYC, wincing as he saw the list of charges to his card, but he hadn’t heard a peep from you. He’d paid the hotel staff a big sum to alert him every time they saw you coming or going so that he’d at least know you were alive. 

What was kind of amusing about the situation was that fans had spotted you out and about, so now the rumors had even more fuel to them, which was exactly what you didn’t want. You wouldn’t admit that to him, though. 

Lando hopped on to stream with Max, and his friend could immediately tell he was miserable. 

“She’s not back then?” He asked cautiously, and he heard Lando sigh over the mic. 

“Nope,” Lando replied. 

“Have you talked to her?”

“Nope.”

“Yikes, man,” Max said, and Lando hummed in agreement. The chat was going crazy, with questions pouring in about y/n being in NYC, and fans now confirming that you two were beefing. 

“Let me just clear the air for everyone,” Lando said into the mic. “Y/n is the love of my life. We have been together since we were 19 and we will be together until we are 90. I have never cheated on her, and I would literally rather cut my dick off than do that.”

“Well said mate,” Max said chuckling. 

“Now everyone, please blow up her social media and beg her to talk to me again,” Lando pleaded, and Max laughed loudly. “especially because I haven’t had a real meal in days.” 

Meanwhile, you had watched the stream replay over lunch and almost gave in and bought a flight back home, especially when your phone actually started blowing up with fans begging for your forgiveness. But you had already told one of your coworkers based in NYC that you’d meet him out for dinner, so the flight would have to wait until tomorrow. 

You spent the day shopping to fill out more of your winter closet. You picked up some clothes for Lando, too, along with a new watch and cologne. You were sure that some people would probably throw a fit knowing that you were charging this all to Lando’s card, but you knew he would prefer it. He made so much money that he would have preferred you quit your job to just hang out with him 24/7, but you loved what you did. 

Putting on a new dress you had bought, you headed out to meet your coworker for dinner. He’d picked a cute little pizza place close to your hotel, and you were excited to see him. He had started around the same time as you and you’d become fast friends despite never seeing each other in person. 

The two of you talked for hours, and you posted a selfie to your Instagram story to capture the moment and slightly hoping it would piss Lando off because you were still feeling crazy. Hugging your coworker goodbye, you hailed a taxi back to your hotel. Walking through the lobby, you did a double take at a man sitting on a sofa near the elevators. 

Lando’s gaze burned into yours, taking in your new dress and how it fit on your body. He had a black duffle bag next to him that he grabbed when he saw you stop. He said nothing as his hand found your lower back, guiding you into the elevator. It stopped on the next floor up, and a lot of people piled in causing him to pull you into him aggressively. His fingers were digging into your hips and you knew he was pissed. So the picture definitely worked. 

You led him to the room and he set his bag down while you sat down on the bed, waiting for him. 

“That’s a nice dress,” he said darkly. “Is it new?”

“Yep,” you said, not backing down from his stare. 

“New earrings?”

“Yep.” 

“I’m sure that guy on your story loved them,” he said and you smirked. You had him right where you wanted him. 

“Jealous baby?” you mocked and he was in front of you in an instant, gripping your jaw hard as he forced you to look at him. 

“I should fuck this brattiness out of you,” he growled. 

“What’s stopping you?” You purred and he snapped. 

“Knees,” he demanded, pulling you off the bed. His pants and boxers were already down by the time you were ready and you smirked up at him. 

“Needy for me?” He responded by shoving himself into your mouth, groaning as he hit the back of your throat, causing you to gag. His hands found the side of your head to get a better grip and he thrust in and out of your mouth with no care for how you were doing as he aimed to punish you. Tears were leaking down your face as he shoved all the way in, holding himself there until you coughed out. Gasping for air, he smirked down at you while wiping the spit that was drooling off of your chin. 

“Not so talkative now,” he cooed, and you found the energy to glare at him. He reached down to scoop you up before putting you on the bed, facing the mirror on the opposite wall. He pulled you up to your hands and knees and wrapped his hand in your hair, yanking your head back to look ahead. 

“Now you’re going to watch me fuck the attitude out of you, okay baby?”

You nodded, looking at your tear-stained face looking back at you. Normally, you would complain about him not going down on you, but the way he was acting right now had you soaking wet. 

“I need you Lando,” you whined, and he grinned at you in the mirror. 

“As you wish,” he replied before pushing all the way in and moving quickly in and out, not allowing you to adjust. His hand was still wrapped around your hair and you were having a hard time staying upright as he pounded into you. 

Lando let go of your hair and you collapsed forward, breathing heavily into the comforter on the bed. His hand found your clit and you whimpered at the sensation of that plus him moving inside of you. 

“Feel good baby?” He rasped and you whimpered in response. “My little whore, thinking she could run away from me.”

You moaned out at his words, your first orgasm quickly washing over you without warning. Lando cursed as you clenched around him and let you ride it out before pulling out. He dragged you to the other side of the bed, laying you on your back so that you could look at him. 

His dick found its way inside of you again, and you cried out, still sensitive after your climax.

“I know baby,” he whispered. “Just a little more okay?” 

You nodded lazily as he pushed all the way in, taking a much slower pace than he previously had. He started to pick it up, and you reached out to grab the back of his head and pull him down to you. His lips met yours eagerly and you moaned into his mouth, climbing closer to the edge once again. Moving your lips down to his neck, you sucked harshly, causing him to let out a soft whine. 

“I’m close,” he groaned as he drove into your hips over and over. You felt your body getting hot and knew you were about to go over the edge. 

“Cum in me, please Lan,” you begged as your back arched off the bed during your climax; he grunted into your ear, spilling into you before he collapsed on top. 

He took a few minutes to catch his breath before moving off the bed, and scooping you up in his arms, moving towards the bathroom. He gently set you down before turning on the faucet to fill the bath. 

“Are you okay?” He murmured, finally looking over at you. 

“Mmmhmm,” you replied and he smiled softly at you. 

“Come on, princess,” he urged as he got into the bath. You stepped in, sitting in front of him, your back leaning against his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around you and he sighed contently as he rested his chin on your head. 

“Do you still love me?” You asked vulnerably and Lando had to hold back his laugh. 

“Of course, baby. I’d be insane not to love you,” he replied, and you turned your head to smile at him. I’m sorry about this year. It’s been hard, and I could have been doing a lot more to show you how much I love you.” 

“I forgive you Lan,” you said softly. “You’re under a lot of stress and I could be more sensitive to that.” 

He buried his head in your neck, wondering how he got so lucky to have you. Before joining you in bed, he drained the bath and put on a pair of boxers. You laid your head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around you, tracing your skin lightly. 

“I was planning on returning tomorrow,” you admitted, and he chuckled.

“Damn, so I only had to hold out for one more day,” he said.

“You probably would have given yourself food poisoning,” you muttered, and he smiled cheekily at you. 

“I knew you watched the stream,” he boasted, and you rolled your eyes. 

“I had to after I woke up to a million Twitter mentions. You being a simp so publicly made me forgive you instantly. It's embarrassing behavior.” 

He tickled your sides, making you giggle and shift onto him. He guided your head up to his and pressed a soft kiss against your lips, moving slowly. 

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” he whispered and you nodded before laying back down on him. 

“Me either,” you mumbled. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied and you felt yourself starting to drift off. “But you have to call the bank in the morning and explain that my card wasn’t stolen.” 

[thequeenofthedisneyverse]

How to NOT write like Vivziepop guide!

Writing tips:

1. Don't treat SA/Rape as a joke. Seriously, it shouldn't be that hard. EX: In Helluva Boss; Spring Broken, Moxxie goes to talk to Verosika and her crew in hopes to get them to move her car. He gets SA'd as a result and we're supposed to see that as a joke.

I don't specifically remember the episode name, but Sir pentious asks Cherri if she wants to have sex with him but he then gets scared/nervous and says "BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH EVERYONE!!" or something like that. He then gets taken by a bunch of people into a room and he CLEARLY looks uncomfortable. Again, I suppose we're supposed to see that as a joke for some reason.

SA/Rape isn't funny, and you can offend tons of people writing it so carelessly. DON'T DO THAT!

2. If your characters come from a certain era, RESEARCH THAT ERA. Ex: Alastor was supposed to be a famous radio host in the 1920s (seeing as he died in 1933) when he was alive despite being a mixed (Black and white) man. Jim Crow laws existed in those times so Alastor couldn't have become a popular radio host unless he was white passing, which we don't know. Also, from what I got from @bump-inthe-night the first black radio personality in Louisiana was Vernon Winslow, known as Dr. Daddy-O, in 1949.

Also, from @bump-inthe-night - (her words were pasted here because I couldn't have said it better myself) Despite dying in 1947, Angel overdosed on PCP. This drug was discovered in 1926, and it started being utilized as a general anesthetic in the 1950s. PCP became a street drug in the 1960s and gained popularity in the 1970s. It's impossible for Angel to have overdosed on this drug when he was alive. RESEARCH. BEFORE. YOU. WRITE. THE. CHARACTER.

This is also from @/bump-inthe-night. Sir Pentious died in 1888, but he’s wearing a shoulder-padded suit. Shoulder pads, invented in 1877, were used in football uniforms. They didn’t cross over into fashion and become popular until the 1930s. Sir Pentious shouldn’t be wearing a shoulder-padded suit, and neither should Vox, who died in the 1950s, when this started falling out of style.

3. Don't victimize characters that obviously shouldn't be victimized. Example: Stolas.

I will tag the people who inspired this post and paste their stuff here because they say these things better than me.

@flower-boi16 says "So fucking what if Stolas was neglected as a child or had a mean wife? How does that relate to ANY of his actions he takes throughout the series??? It doesn’t excuse SHIT. Granted, the “this character’s trauma is not an excuse” argument is a kind of argument I’ve grown to be annoyed by due to how often it gets misused. Yes, a character’s backstory or trauma doesn’t excuse or justify their actions.

The issue arises though when the character’s bad actions are a direct response to that trauma and so it can make it look like your just ignoring major context for what lead to the character doing these actions just so you can label them as irredeemable. With Stolas, however, I have no hesitation in saying that whatever backstory and trauma he may have I genuinely don’t care because that trauma doesn’t matter to ANY of his actions.

The “his daughter doesn’t like him” defense doesn’t work because 1. Octavia is shown to still care for her father and is actually shown to be excited to spend time with him in Seeing Stars and 2. Octavia has a perfectly valid reason to dislike Stolas given how shitty of a father he is to her.

The “Stolas is well meaning/believes that Blitzo likes being treated like a sex toy” defense also doesn’t work when Stolas can very clearly see that Blitzo does NOT like being treated that way. Ffs Blitz was completely shocked and disgusted by Stolas’ sexual remarks on him on the phone in Loo Loo Land, Stolas can clearly see Blitz DOESN'T ENJOY THIS but continues flirting with him anyway. Anyone who is well-meaning can still see when they fucked up."

@floralcavern "Stolas is the epitome of writers thinking they wrote a deep character when they actually created the most shallowly written character of all time. Stolas receives no consequences, no call outs, no growth, because he gets the excuse of ‘he’s abused’ to not have to face anything bad happen to him. It’s infuriating how shielded he is by the writers."

4. Understand what your writing! This is also from @/floralcavern and I couldn't agree more. "And Helluva Boss didn’t need extremely deep characters. It started off as a comedy, where characters could do messed up, edgy shit because nothing is meant to be taken seriously. But then suddenly the show decides to become a super serious, soap opera drama?? It completely derails its original premise to be something completely different. The beginning of Helluva Boss and what we currently have are 2 completely different shows. And I’m not saying comedies can’t have depth. One of my favorite examples is Dan Da Dan! It’s literally a show about a guy whose dick was stolen by a ghost. And yet, the show writers know how to balance ridiculous comedy and storytelling with genuine, human moments. But Viv’s shows don’t have that balance. The show is hardly a comedy anymore and takes itself way too seriously, while also refusing to acknowledge actual things that need to be acknowledged."

5. This should be obvious but don't make male characters (or any characters for that matter) that are supposed to be gay call their sisters "hot" or "Sexy". Example: Andrelphus or whatever his name is. It comes off as extremely gross and really unnecessary. Vivziepop said he does that to make others think he's straight?????...Andrelphus was literally in the pride parade art. WTF VIV?!

So yeah, don't do that unless it's relevant to the plot. Like the characters have a secret incestual relationship or the incest is being pushed/forced onto the other sibling character or SOMETHING! And no, before you say it, Stella never looked comfortable being called attractive by her own brother.

5. Don't fetishize rape or have/hire people that work under you that do. It's as simple as that.

6. When writing serious topics such as SA, TREAT THE TOPIC SERIOUSLY!

7. Be mindful of stereotypes. I've learned (with the help of others pointing it out) that Angel Dust is a stereotype of gay men.

8. Call out your characters for their actions. Angel is shown to sexually harass other male characters with no call outs or apologies. Same can be said for Stolas.

I'm not sure of what else to add. If anyone else wants to add something, feel free to comment or reblog. Your words will help others a lot!

[just-wrting]

Think I Like You

Title: Think I Like You

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x Half Mink!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Master List

Summary: You try to figure out why Zoro won’t take you seriously even if the answer isn’t what you expect.

A/N: I’m not dead! I’m just all over the place with a lot of stuff. I sleep a lot which I can’t tell if it’s a sleep issue or a depression issue, but I’m always tired. I still work full time but also do school part time now. Plus I’ve still got a boyfriend! But he wanted to end this weekend on 1062 which means Zoro brainrot for me.

You stretch and roll over, burying your face into your pillow. Ever since you changed where you nap, you've started sleeping so much better. Something about being more comfortable or something like that. The actual reason doesn't really matter. You're just happy you're sleeping better.

"You owe me for this."

"I don't owe you shit. Not my fault you nap in my spot." You reach up and pat his cheek. "What do I need to do for you to be quiet?"

"I already told you, you owe me."

You open your eyes just a little. "What could I possibly owe you? I don't like to drink, I don't keep money, not to mention I can't even tell if you're the type of man to be swayed by physical charms. What could I possibly offer you, Roronoa?"

"For starters, you can start referring to me by my name like everyone else does." He looks pissed. "You should fight me."

"You didn't take me seriously last time, Moss Head. Why would I bother trying again?"

He pulls on your ear. "I said like everyone else, not like how that idiot says my name."

You ignore him and bury your nose in his stomach. Dinner has been started, and if you don't ignore it you'll end up going to the kitchen early. It's less that Sanji minds seeing you, it's more of the fact that you struggle to suppress the urge to knock shit off the counter and dip your fingers in the sauces. Such is the life of someone like you.

You let yourself doze a little. You can still hear what's going on, but just like every common house cat, you ignore it. What you can't ignore is the gentle scratching behind your ears. As far as you remember, no one has done this since you were a kid. You don't hate the feeling, but you start to feel flustered over it. Ever since you left home, you've made sure affection comes at your own terms so you haven't had this in years.

There's no point in asking him to stop. You're clearly fond enough of him to nap on him, what's the big deal about getting ear scratches? Besides, he's the type to get embarrassed and loud if you point out you're awake. That's not something you feel like dealing with right now. You're too touch starved to complain.

Despite the comfortable conditions, you don't actually fall asleep. You spend the next forty-ish minutes pretending to sleep, waiting for dinner to be done. The time passes by relatively quickly, though you're sore afterwards. You couldn't bring yourself to even twitch, worried that he'd stop.

The dinner call goes off, and you pretend to wake up. You have no clue why you're acting, but it was too late to stop twenty minutes ago. Standing up, you stretch halfheartedly. At first, he doesn't say anything. It's only once he catches up to you that he starts asking questions.

"What's the deal with the noise you make?"

Raising an eyebrow, you look at him. "I don't snore, so I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm not stupid, I can tell you aren't snoring. The other noise, the one that's relaxing. I can usually feel it when you're laying directly on me."

"What do you mean? The other noise?" You pause to think it over before it clicks. "We aren't talking about that."

You know what he's referring to. It's not like it's something you can control, but it's still embarrassing. Of all people to be you around, it's been Zoro. No one on the crew has judged you for being what you are, it's just embarrassing to be a mix. Your mother's human, and your dad's a mink. You look decently human, just with a few quirks.

"What do you mean, we aren't talking about it? We're talking about it right now."

Your face starts to heat up. "I mean I don't want to tell you."

His eyes narrow in suspicion. "Why not? Is it supposed to be embarrassing or something?"

"If I say yes, will you drop it?"

"Yeah, sure."

His face instantly relaxes. If you could smack him, you would. The last time you tried, it hurt. So you put your hand on his shoulder and give him a push. The only thing it does is cause his other shoulder to hit the doorframe, but you use it to march past him.

You take your seat, leaning back against the armrest of the booth seat. Kicking your feet up on the space next to you, you watch the crew carefully. Everyone is smiling and in a good mood, so you don't have anything to worry about. You don't ever admit it, but you care about them even if it's difficult to show.

Zoro picks up your legs and lays them in his lap. Since it doesn't seem to bother him, you're tempted to just sit normally. You have no idea what's going on in that head of his, and you doubt he does either. However, you actually do enjoy touching him, so you'll stay like this for now.

There's more commotion as Sanji brings out the plates. The one you're most interested in is a large tuna fillet that gets set in the middle of the table. You can't stop staring at it, the tender flesh a beautiful golden color. It's hard to tell if it smells better than it looks or looks better than it smells. Sanji has never failed to impress you with his dishes, so you can't wait to sink your teeth in.

Before you can even start to load your plate, Sanji sets a small plate in front it you. It contains a disk of packed rice, some avocado slices, and chunks of fish. You're assuming it's more of the tuna. Whatever it is, it was made specifically for you.

You don't mind the special dishes. You'll try almost everything, and unlike Luffy, you'll eat it slow enough to give a review. Everything tastes good so you don't get the point, but it probably makes Sanji feel better to have honest reviews and not just someone who loves food fawning over his cooking. Though if you're not careful, you worry that he'll start having write an essay about it.

"And for you, a special tune tartare! If you like it, I'll make it again for everyone some time."

You nod. "Yeah, I'll let you know. I always do. Not that you've ever made a bad dish."

You can't stop the tip of your tail from flicking back and forth in mild annoyance. By the time you get halfway through the tartare, all of the fillet is gone. It's not like it's the biggest deal, you just wish you could've had some of that too. It's not fair that since you got a special tuna dish, that you don't get the other one.

"If you tell me what that noise was, I'll share," Zoro teases while pointing at you with a bite of tuna. "I bet you can't resist answering now."

"I'm a cat. I was making a normal noise that cats make. Consider it a compliment."

You lean forward and take the bite of tuna. It's flakey and melts on your tongue with a slightly sticky glaze that has hints of honey and garlic. You lick your lips savoring the balance of flavors. None of them are overwhelming, but it's hard to gauge in just one bite what you think about it.

"You can't just," Zoro stutters. "You can't just take the food off of my chopsticks. Get your own!"

You grab his wrist and lick the glaze off of the chopsticks. It feels like there's another flavor there that you can't quite tell what it is. It's some sort of herby flavor, that while you enjoy, you can't pin down.

"Here!" Zoro doesn't look at you as he shoves his plate towards you. "Just take it since I don't want your germs."

You want to tease him, but you'll leave him alone. It's better to leave it in front of other people since Robin's insinuations are becoming too much. For now you'll just eat the food. Later, you'll tease him.

—-

"You're still not taking me seriously, Roronoa. Why did you want to fight if you won't take me seriously?"

You lunge, hand reaching for his throat. He blocks it with his arm, causing your claws to dig into his skin. Using his arm as leverage, you pull yourself closer to him, swinging your sword at his side. His parry is effortless, and he looks bored. It's so aggravating that he won't take you seriously in a simple sparring match. Perhaps he'd take you more seriously if you actually tried to kill him.

You disengage before leaping over him. This time, you swing your sword at his neck as he turn around. It's once more blocked, and he smirks. You're just barely faster than him as he takes a halfhearted swing at your sword arm with his other arm. You catch the flat of the blade with your knuckles, steeling your arm against the shock wave of the blow.

Kicking your leg out in front of you, you aim for his knees, intending to bring him down. Despite the grip on his sword, he catches your ankle in his hand and pulls your leg to the side. You let your body pivot with the movement, twisting until your leg is behind you. You yank your foot forward as hard as you can, pulling him into your back.

He's quick to let your ankle go and grab your shoulder to steady himself. In a fluid motion, you swing your arm and grab your dagger. You flick it in your fingers and thrust towards his ribs. His hand trails down your arm to your wrist and pins it behind your back. He gives it a squeeze trying to get you to drop the dagger.

"Are you actually trying to kill him?" Nami tells from the side. "Are you stupid?"

You roll your eyes, sweeping your leg behind you and hooking Zoro's. Despite your efforts, you can't get him off balance, only causing him to take a step back. By now you're getting pissed off. You aren't a bad swordsman, it's just that this jerk is ridiculously smart in battle. This is probably the only time he'll use his brain all day.

You jerk your head back, hitting his jaw. The sound of the impact makes you regret it, knowing you'll feel like shit later. You manage to free yourself as he loosens his grip, and you elbow him as you twist back around. The only reason you're still going is because he won't take it seriously. It's like he finds it funny that he's able to fend you off so easily.

You rush towards him, tossing your weapons to the ground. Digging your claws into his shoulders, you use your momentum to knock him over. It only works because he's too busy rubbing his jaw to notice you in time. The two of you tumble to the deck, and you lean in as close as you can.

"Why won't you take me seriously? Is this just a game?"

Faster than you can blink, he's able to flip and pin you under him. He's even more smug than the last time you sparred, and you can't tell if you want to smack him or if you should kiss him. Not that you could smack him, he's got your hands above your head. While kissing him would let you win, you're not willing to fight that dirty in a friendly match.

"You're a brute, Zoro. You can't just manhandle the other crewmates just because you feel like it." Sanji pulls him off you. "If you were in the mood to fight I would've taken the offer."

You tune out their fight as Chopper checks your head and shoulder. You're a bit sore now, but you'll be fine in a few hours. Nothing keeps you down for long, even if it's usually just you going against the doctor's orders. The only thing actually bothering you is the fact that for a moment you thought he was going to answer your question. Though the fact you thought about kissing him is also an issue.

It's not difficult to figure out why you thought that way. Your parents made sure that you knew to find someone strong enough to protect you in case of something happening, even if you knew how to take care of yourself. That, and he's easy on the eyes. Even if he's an idiot half of the time, that doesn't matter. Your parents never said to find a smart man, just a strong one. Everything else was your choice.

Chopper hands you a damp towel, and you use to clean under your claws. Tiny spots of blood rest under them, probably from when you grabbed Zoro. If the pinprick wounds bothered him, he doesn't show it. He's too busy trying to shove Sanji off the boat. As long as you stay dry, it doesn't matter if they end up overboard. They can both swim.

After a few minutes, Nami separates them. You watch her glare at the men before you stalk off to take another nap. The sun is just starting to dip below the water, so finding a nice patch of sun to lick your figurative wounds isn't possible. You'll have to settle for sulking in some weird spot. Perhaps it's time to torment the fish in the tank once more.

Lounging on the sofa is probably the second best place to nap. The sound of the tank constantly humming while you watch the fish swim in tempting circles puts you at ease. You stretch out fully, let your arm and tail hang off the edge. The tip of your tails twitches slightly as you trace the movement of a particularly large bass. That should be tomorrow's lunch, perhaps in a stew. Even though it hasn't been long since you had food, your mouth starts to water at the idea of seafood stew.

"He really doesn't take you seriously, does he?"

You recognize Robin before she even speaks. Her stride is longer than Nami's with her steps being lighter than everyone else's. Not to mention she smells floral. It's never overpowering, but it allows you to pick her out from the crew.

"I guess not. Maybe I should've gone for his other eye."

She laughs, sitting down next to you. You aren't opposed to the company, especially if it's Robin. There something about her that puts you at ease.

"I don't think he'd like that," she muses. "What did he say to you?"

You scoff. "He didn't say anything. Bet he's too proud to take me seriously, like the jerk he is."

Robin smiles knowingly. "I'm sure he has his reasons. Maybe you should talk to him, just the two of you. I'm sure he'd tell you when no one else is around."

You frown. "What is he? A shy school boy? There's only one reason for not taking me seriously in a fight, and it would be him not thinking I'm even worth it. No point in having him tell me that in private, he can just keep it to himself."

She reaches out her hand, gently brushing your hair from your eyes. "Then what do you think about him?"

"I think he's an idiot who swapped out his brain for more muscles."

"Let me rephrase that. What feelings do you have about him?" There's a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "At least figure that out."

You shift so you can place your head in her lap. "I guess he's fine most of the time. I don't know why I enjoy his company, I just do. He's never really pushed me on anything, just sort of letting me do my own thing. Not to mention he's comfortable. As much as I hate admitting it, I suppose I like being around him."

She continues to brush your hair with her fingers silently. It's one of those tactics of hers. She'll stay quiet until you keep talking.

"What do you want me to say? He's nice enough to me, I can respect him as vice-captain, and he's decent looking. Everything else I think about him is my little secret." You're starting to get irritated talking about him. "Actually, I think I'll go talk to him now. I'll drag that answer out of him if I have to."

Robin looks at you with worry as you sit up. "Perhaps this is just a misunderstanding. What are you going to do if his answer isn't what you expect?"

"I'll deal with it when it happens," you say with a shrug. "It's not like it'll be anything surprising."

You take your time wandering around the ship. It's not hard to tell where he is, you'd rather put it off for a little bit longer. This weird feeling in your chest has been bothering you a lot lately. It can't be ignored anymore, but that doesn't mean you're one hundred percent ready to admit it.

Thankfully, he's exactly where you knew he was. You won't tell him that you enjoy finding him when he's working out. Something about him being shirtless is nice. Not that he usually bothers with wearing a shirt, so you can usually just stare whenever you want. Maybe he just likes the attention, and you'll gladly give it to him.

As soon as he leans back on the bench, you sit on his lap and stretch out over his torso. You rest your chin on your hand, pressing your palm on his chest. Watching as he sets the barbell back on the stand, you wait for him to start talking. It would be fine with you if he kept working out, but he seems opposed to the idea.

"Is bothering me amusing to you?"

You tilt your head slightly. "You're not cute when you're mad, so no. I was just hoping we could talk."

"You don't have to sit on me to talk."

"That's just personal preference. Besides, you tend to avoid talking about certain things and this keeps you from leaving." you say with a Cheshire grin. "I enjoy your touch, so this is ideal for me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Zoro looks away from you. “You keep saying weird stuff.”

You don’t even blink as you respond, “I enjoy your touch. That’s what that means. I’ll even be nice and tell you the answer to your question from earlier. As a cat, I sometimes purr when I feel comfortable and content. Though some cats purr when scared.”

“So you’re scared of me? Is that what that means?”

“No. The only thing particularly scary about you is the fact that you’re an idiot.” Your ears twitch. “But since I answered your questions, you can answer mine. Why don’t you fight me seriously?”

He looks at you for just a moment, before looking at the ceiling. It’s like he’s embarrassed by the answer and is hoping you’ll forget about it. However, you’ve already made up your mind about what you want. You’re just waiting to see what he’ll do.

“I-,” Zoro cuts himself off to hide behind his hand. “I could hurt you really bad. That would be bad.”

Your tail swishes on the ground in mild irritation. “So you think I’m incapable of defending myself. That would explain the times you’ve interrupted my fights.”

“It’s not that!” He sits up, wrapping an arm around your waist to make sure you don’t tumble to the ground. “I don’t want you to get hurt if I’m around. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe.”

You’re nose to nose with him now. Even at this distance, he can’t seem to make eye contact. You can smell the liquor from dinner on his breath. It would be so easy to close the gap and kiss him, but for some reason the thought makes you nervous. You’re usually close to him, so why is this time different?

“Why should you keep me safe?” you mumble. “Do you save me out of obligation for the crew? If so, aren’t there better people on the crew to swoop in and save?”

“Does it matter why?” The way that his lips almost touch yours as he speaks makes you flustered.

You close your eyes. “Yes. I don’t want to get my hopes up if you think of me as nothing more than a burden of a crew-mate. Just be honest with me for once, Zoro.”

You don’t regret the soft begging tone as you say his name. You regret not saying his name in that almost pathetic tone sooner. The way that he kisses you makes your head spin. Even though he’s holding you close, you have to wrap your arms around his neck to make yourself feel more steady.

Zoro kisses you like he’s been wanting to for months. His hold on your waist makes it impossible to move, and the way that his hand grips yours hair makes you moan. You can barely breathe as his tongue explores your mouth, your grip on reality slipping as his fingers dig into thigh.

Even when he pulls away to let you breathe, you find yourself lost in the way he touches you. Sloppy kisses trail down your jaw and neck, coming to an end with his teeth on your collarbone. The way that his fingernails scrape gently against your scalp as he tugs lightly on your hair causes you to expose more of your chest to him as you lean into his palm.

You’ve never felt like this before. Hot, heavy, and breathless all while being lightheaded. You wouldn’t have it in you to resist him if he wanted more. In fact, the pathetic words of begging him to ravish you weigh heavy on your tongue. Yet he just continues to press kisses along every inch of skin exposed to him, ignoring how hard you’re panting as little moans escape you. He’s oblivious to everything but the act of kissing you.

Zoro only pauses after you tug his hair harshly. You didn’t mean to, you couldn’t help the reaction to him biting down on the side of your neck. You couldn’t even help the strangled groan that leaves you as he leaves a mark. For some reason, your body is shaking like you have some sort of withdrawal.

“You okay?” he asks, his voice rough and low.

You kiss him again, desperate to get as close as you can. Desperation courses through your body as you realize just how badly you’ve waited for this. You’ve spent months being almost attached to him so it makes sense, you just can’t figure out how you missed it. The long nights spent curled up in his lap, face buried in his neck has left you craving him so much.

You whine as he pulls away, unwilling to let this stop. It doesn’t even matter anymore how prideful you’ve been up until this. It’s so obvious how much you want him. Nothing could hide it anymore.

“Zoro.” You don’t even open your eyes. “Please.”

He gives your thigh a tight squeeze as you whimper. You can tell that what little restraint he has is fading with each whine of his name. Yet he’s able to pause and hold you close, breathing heavily into your ear. Eventually, he covers your mouth with his hand, stifling your words.

“Not like this,” Zoro says, his tone meaning he’s serious. “If you really want it, I want to make it special.”

“S-special?” You don’t know what that means. When was the last time someone told you that you were special? “How?”

“Just better than in the exercise room on the Sunny. You deserve to be treated better than that.”

You nod, and he lets his grip loosen. Despite the fact that nothing much happened, you feel drained. Maybe it’s because you really enjoy naps, but the exhaustion is hitting you hard. You don’t hide it, letting yourself go limp as Zoro picks you up.

“You can sleep in my bunk tonight. Not that it matters if I say you can as you usually show up anyway.”

You caress him jaw before giving his cheek a kiss. “Thank you, Zoro.”

The flush on his cheeks goes unnoticed by all beside you. Not that it matters, you don’t want to hide your feelings for him any longer. If he agrees to it, you’ll parade your feelings for the world to see.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Are You Sure?! - Episode 1 Observations

Who said it during the Bon Vogaye S3 interviews? "We click". Was it Jimin or Jungkook? Either way, it's clearly mutual and and we've heard iterations of that throughout the years in other contexts, particularly in terms of work ethic.

The first night they spent in Connecticut at that cabin in the woods showed us a different facet, in a more domestic realm. The delegation of each role during cooking pointing out what the other one likes, knowing exactly how to prepare something based on a word. It was like a well-oiled machine that has been functioning for ages. It also gave us a taste of what was to come the next evening when Jungkook cooked pasta, an entire scene worthy to dissect.

But what stood out to me more was what happened next. I know we've all joked and talked about poor Jimin and his stomach bug. A very unexpected topic, but here we are. The level of candidness might have felt surprising (at least for me initially), but they are also guys and perhaps coming from a place socially and culturally in which it's not unusual.

But it did contribute to that element of authenticity I mentioned in my first post about the series. I want to digress a bit here because the entire situation reminded me of a conversation I had perhaps more than a decade ago. I was talking to an acquitance about elements that are usually kept out of films, part of the mundane. What is left out of the story due to its lack of relevancy. And he said that scenes of people urinating are common in films, but we don't see/hear people taking a shit, or even talking about it. Yes, the language was that crude. (And no, Salo doesn't count). Shortly after, Godard's Adieu au langage was released and if my memory serves right, it had that exact scene that my acquitance was talking about. I don't think it was a matter of authenticity, the film was a lot more complex than that in its experimentation, but it did go as far as to show somehow the hidden parts of human behavior on screen, now suddenly at a forefront.

What's the purpose of that in a travel show? What does it say about the choice to show it and about the people? In variety content including surviror type, travel or even food show, issues connected to the body are not something foreign or unusual. But in AYS, it's about the length and how it became a way to show the care a person has for the other and consequently becoming another example of that authenticity.

Both Jungkook and Jimin kept a light tone over Jimin's progressive state of sickness, but in no circumstances has Jungkook ever treated it like he needs to keep his distance. The man was sitting in bed, telling Jimin it's alright, while he was fighting for his life in the bathroom.

Despite keeping a light tone, in Jungkook's case it's often about his actions. His own way of showing that he cares more than what appears to. He might laugh and joke that Jimin is dying, all the while being the one to give him the medicine. He keeps on making jokes as he goes outside, only to immediately decide to build a stone temple so Jimin can get better.

I found it all very moving. I know it might also seem trivial, but I choose to see some gestures for what they appear to be a sign of: complete comfortability, with no uneasyness or shame or lack of aknowledgement. It's a result of seeing that person going through everything and knowing that person intimately, at whatever level any of us choose to interpret it.

To be continued...

[itsstrange]

Pool Of Lube

Fandom: The Boys, Karl Urban Stans

Relationship: Karl Urban x Reader

A/N: Something That Has Been Dusting In My Notes and That Is Going To Be Part of Random Adventures. Something Funny & Cute! I Hope Ya’ll Will Enjoy These! 💚

Summary: Just Another Adventure That The Reader Has While Working On The Set of The Boys.

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: (No) Fluff, Cute, Humor, Funny, Injuries, Reader and Their Adventures, Slightly Injured Reader, Supportive Karl, Slight Mention of Blood, Missing Tooth..

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ENJOY! 💚

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<< Previous Adventure

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“I’m gonna fall into a pool of what?”

“Pool of lube. You’ll also be doing a fight scene,”

Your eyes dart from Eric to the writers, then back at Eric, “I’m gonna fight.. in a pool.. of lube?”

“Yeah,” The man nods with a dangerous, overexcited, wide smile,

You couldn’t do anything other than stare at him with a grim look. You were clearly regretting in even considering joining the team, you definitely now regretted accepting Eric’s offer to being a part of The Boys. Yet, deep down you knew you didn’t mean it.

“You’ve got issues Kripke,” Is all you say before sighing in defeat. Picking up your script you rise from your chair to leave the room,

Eric only chuckles as he yells out after you, “See you Thursday!”

That was Tuesday morning. It was barely 6:50 am— not even 7:00 am when you had to meet up with him and the writers in the office to discuss minor changes to your schedule for the week, but little did you know you’d only be getting awaiting trauma.

Now coming Thursday, here you were on set observing the hand-built mansion. You currently stood in what seemed to be the living room section of the set with house lights flashing around the room, smog being blown on the floor to make it look more like a house party, because that’s what it was. The scene you were currently about to shoot was taking place in a mansion where a party was being thrown by a couple of Supes, which is where your character and the rest of the gang come in. The Boys were looking for a certain Supe to interrogate to give them more information about another Supe who supposedly had confidential evidence against Homelander, however, in order to find said Supe, your character and the rest of The Boys had to crash the party.

The scene was semi similar to Herogasm, only difference was it was less nudity and more action packed, which eventually results into a full blown brawl inside the home and also results in you fighting in said a pool of lube.

“Fucking Kripke,” You whisper to yourself as you see team members pouring gallon after gallon of lube inside a medium-ish size pool,

You’ve done pretty crazy stuff for other shows, movies, even music videos at some point, but nothing will ever, ever compare to the wild shit you’ve done while working on The Boys. Ever. This show has definitely gave you some trauma and nightmares from what the things you’ve done, (joking of course) but it’s definitely something you still haven’t gotten use to, despite working on the show since the beginning of season two and having done wild shit since then.. Kripke always manages to rethink your life choices when it comes to being apart of the show. (Joking once again. Kinda… not really).

As you stood a few feet away from the set being prepped, you watched as team members continued to pour gallons of lube inside the pool, then switched your gaze to other team members fixing other parts of the set or just adding a couple more things on the floor. You were practically ready to shoot. You had your costume on for the shot, you just had to wait till the set was ready and for Kripke to find the angles he wanted to shoot. So as you stood waiting, mind constantly wondering why you haven’t quit you hear footsteps walking towards you. Then a familiar voice.

“So what exactly are you shooting today?” You hear Jensen’s voice, a little confused but also teasing at the same time,

Looking over your shoulder you catch his eyes for second before your gaze almost immediately locks onto familiar hazel orbs. He walked alongside the Texan. Both men had their own costumes on, looking handsome as ever, but it was him that remained swooning you by just his goddamn smile, charisma, humor, love.

Both men walk towards you, but it was him who kept his eyes on you with a wide smirk on his face. You couldn’t help the heat that rises on your cheeks, causing you to roll your eyes at him with a shake of your head, smile forming on your face when the son of a gun doesn’t even try.

“Hell Ackles. Pure utter hell,” You comment, smile still on your lips but feeling it widen when you feel him next to you, then his hand settling on your lower back,

Turning to your left you lock eyes with him once again. His irises casting a beautiful green shadow with a splash of brown in them. The smirk was still displayed on his lips.

“Okay guys! Here’s the plan!” Kripke announces with a clap of his hands, breaking the small moment, “We’re gonna shoot the fight scenes first, grab a few angles from different sections of the set, and little bit of dialogue, then straight to the lubricant,”

The man excitedly explains. A bright light flashing in his eyes as he goes over the plans for the day. A look only a kid would get when walking into their favorite toy store. You won’t lie, you were rather excited to shoot today. You always enjoyed filming with the gang, especially fight scenes considering your character was a Supe and not only because you got to do a lot of action scenes but also because you were an adrenaline junkie. You craved and sought for action. You’re always looking forward to filming whenever it came to action scenes or single shots of you “flying” or landing on the ground. You just loved it.

However, despite your love for filming adrenaline moments, you were in fact not looking forward to the later scenes. The scene where you’ll be covered in slimy, slippery, cold lubricant. Which, you’d like to point out, you had to fight in said lubricant. How would that look? You weren’t sure and you didn’t want to know.

“Any questions? Comments? Concerns?” Eric questions with wide, excited eye balls,

You stare at him with a deadpan look, then look over his shoulder when you see team members with more gallons of lube. You were beginning to grow worried because… like what the fuck was he planning on doing with the remainder of those gallons?! Making it rain?!

Oh fuck. He probably is.

“Yeah..,” You begin, pointing a lazy finger behind his shoulder, “Is.. all that really necessary Eric?”

Everyone looks in the direction you were pointing. Noticing how people kept stacking gallons of lube on the side of the set. Earning a worried yet amusement agreement from Jensen, but a soft chuckle from him.

“It really is actually. Since we’ll have the air conditioner on practically all day today it’ll dry everything up, so we’ll be pouring more in between scenes to keep it nice and fresh,” Eric says with a smile then finishes with, “Plus, I cut a deal with Durex,”

You stare at him with a slight, worried, weary, wary, disgusted look. Yet, before you can comment on the monstrous gallons of lube again, someone is calling the man from across set. So with another quick run-through of the plan and making sure everyone is on board, he quickly jogs to a crew member where they immediately dive into conversation. Who are most likely talking about getting everyone ready to start filming.

“Well.. despite the trauma you’ll experience today. It really is great seeing Kripke expand his imagination,” You hear Jensen comment, knowing a proud smile is displayed on his face,

You scoff with a shake of your head, “Think he’s expanding it too much these days,”

Your comment earns a chuckle from both men this time. But feel the way he gives your hip a comforting squeeze before feeling him pull you closer to his side. Getting a whiff of his delightful cologne.

“Whoa, who and what is being expanded?” You hear another familiar voice settle on your right, turning you meet eyes with Jack’s blue orbs, smirk playing on his face,

“Kripke and his traumatic imaginations,” You say, wrapping your own arm around his waste,

Jack hums with an agreement nod, “Oh yeah they’re wild. But you gotta admit, their pretty fucking awesome,”

You hear Jensen give a short chuckle as you turn to Jack with a deadpan look, “Weren’t you complaining just last week for that.. tentacle shoot?”

A smirk tugs on your lips when the man’s face glaze’s over with a traumatic look. To this day you’re not even sure how any of you have lasted this long with the show, you were certain one of you would eventually pull back from the show to take a much, very much needed ‘mental break.’ Okay okay.. you’re being dramatic and probably should never be the one to welcome or warn new actors onto the show otherwise they’d be scared to even step foot on set. But you are being serious about the wild shit you’ve done and encountered while working on the show, definitely the most interesting things you’ve got to experience over the years.

“Yes. Yes I did. And I am so glad that it’s over,” Jack responds with a relieved laugh, earning a sincere chuckle from you,

That tentacle scene will forever be… explicit. And you know it’ll haunt Jack for the rest of his life. It would horrendously suck if the team decides not to add it to the show, because Jack spent hours. Hours shooting that scene. And you know for a fact if they don’t add it, Jack would very much stomp his way to the editing room and add it himself. He did not spent hours being traumatized by a very very large alien-like tentacle slithering across his body for it to not be added to the show. Absolutely not, he would not have that.

After another few minutes of standing to the side of the set and communicating with each other, two makeup artists had called out letting each one of you they’d like to do last minute touches before filming began. As Jensen and Quaid walked over to them, you glanced towards the set once again before letting out a heavy sigh as you glare at the gallons of lubes stacked up in the far corner of the set. Why lube? Out of all things? It just had to be lube?

“Don’t get too excited love, otherwise Kripke will continue with his diabolical shenanigans,” You hear his deep Kiwi accent fill your ears, then feeling the way his strong arms hug your waist from behind,

Instinctively, you lean back against his firm chest. Your hands sliding along his forearm before letting your fingers interlock with his.

You scoff as your eyes continue staring at the crew members making last minute touches to the set, “That’s the problem with Kripke though! Whether you’re excited or not.. he still does shit like this!”

Karl’s deep chuckle vibrates in your ear. Feeling the way his chest slightly moves against your back.

“Looks like it should be an easy one then aye? Walk in the park,” Your head turns to look him in his beautiful eyes, a smirk displayed on his face as he sees your own eyes widen,

“That’s another problem! I won’t be able to walk! Let alone fight in it!” You exclaim while waving your hand towards the set, specifically where crew members were now adding props around the lubricated pool,

Karl chuckles once again. He’s enjoying this moment way too much.

“Well, at least it’ll be a smooth one to shoot. You’ll slide your way through filming today,” Karl jokes again, causing you to lightly punch him on his shoulder as a chuckle slips from you,

“Shut up you’re not helping,” You say in between faint giggles, but the moment you go to move away from him, his hand slides down your arm until it clasps around your wrist,

He gently tugs on it, pulling you back to his chest. His wide, proud smirk still displayed on his face as he wraps an arm around your waist once again while the other goes to place a loose strand of hair behind your ear. A faint chuckle slips through his nose at your small pout, so, he decides to kiss it away. Gently, he latches his lips with yours. Two, small long pecks to your lips has you instantly melting into him.

Your arms instinctively wrap around his neck as you savor his loving kisses.

“Better?” Karl asks after a moment, his brow raised and a faint smile on his face,

You purse your lips as you hum, almost as if you’re thinking. Your fingers gently play with his dark locks at the base of his neck, “Mmmm.. no not really,”

Karl’s smile widens at your response, but doesn’t resist when you tug him back to your lips. His own hands that were settled around your hips tighten their hold as he pulls you closer to his chest, his lips molding beautifully with yours. Just slow, tender kisses being poured from each other. Despite Karl not being a fan of pda, he’ll gladly kiss away your frustrations. Public or not. He’d do it.

++++

“We need more lube!”

“I’m drying up here!”

“Kripke I swear if I break a finger from this!”

“Oh my god!”

“Oh shit! Sorry I splashed some on the camera..”

“I need lube,”

“Hang on.. I’ve got lube up my nose,”

“This is absolutely ridiculous,”

“More Lube!”

“Oh my god I almost fell!”

“Jesus! This shit is so impossible to walk on!”

“Am I the first person to fight in a pool of lube?”

“No,”

“Oh,”

The back and forth chaotic comments you’d share was all you can hear throughout filming on set. You were sure most of them would be added to the gag reel, if anything everything you said would be added without it being edited and cut. Yet, despite the monstrosity and traumatic moments of filming, you were genuinely having fun. Yes, the scene was beyond chaotic, but it was also incredibly hilarious. Laughter was constantly being filled on set as you or the stunt woman—Shay— that you’re currently working with would often slip or nearly slip from the goddamn lube.

Or, one of you would try and land a choreographed punched but only either ended falling straight down to your ass or would send flying lube to your eyes or to the camera lens. It was definitely the most messiest shooting you’ve ever done.

Besides the fake blood moments you’d have to endure while working on The Boys, you’d definitely say this is the messiest shooting you’ve done in your life.

Like now for instance, a crew member was currently pouring a gallon of lube over your head. Kripke had wanted one more final shot of you tackling Shay out of the pool and onto the ground, so he wanted the lube to look fresh on both of you as he grabbed the shot.

You honestly stop counting after the third gallon of lube, but you were sure of yourself that you’ve lot have used nearly 40 to 50 gallons already. The empty ones tossed and stacked inside a large container prove to you that the usage of lube had surpassed the limit of 20 gallons.

What scared you was, just behind the set laid more gallons, waiting to be used.

“We good?” You mumble when you don’t feel anything being poured on your head. Your head faced downward as your eyes were closed shut to prevent any of its lubricant contents to irritate your eyes,

“Not quite. I ran out. Gimme a sec, I’ll be back,” You hear Larry say before slightly hearing him walk away,

A soft sigh escapes from you as you stay put. Not like you had anywhere else to go, or could go without falling straight to your already sore bottom. So, you just stood there. Head low, eyes still closed, arms slightly raised and parted away from you as if you aren’t already covered from head to toe with lube. Every other second you’d spit on the ground when you feel its lubricant touching your lips. You just knew you looked ridiculous standing the way you were standing. Awkward and slicked with lube while still in the pool.

Despite your current situation, throughout filming you weren’t the only one laughing. Behind the cameras where the rest of the cast sat watching through the monitors, which would include; Karl, Jensen, Jack, Laz, Tomer and Karen, you can hear them laughing and cracking jokes as they watched with too much amusement. You had even caught Jensen and Jack snapping a picture or two at your state. You had threaten to hurl a glob of lube towards them if they kept it up, you didn’t of course, you were too busy focusing on not eating shit. But you did make a mental note on getting back at them one way or another.

“Well well well, don’t you look like a newborn baby lamb,” The familiar accent of Billy Butcher rings beautifully in your ears. A small smile tugs on your lips as you turn in the direction of his voice,

You hoped you turned the right way.

“Ha ha very funny,” You sarcastically respond, but the smile forming on your lips lets him know it wasn’t sincere,

Karl chuckles as he stands a few feet away from you. His hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans as he watches your disgruntled look. Lubricated or not, you still managed to look beautiful to him. He was hands down mad for you.

“I can’t see a damn thing,” You mumble as you try wiping away the lube from your closed eyelids but feel how you only add more slick,

Chuckling softly once more, Karl carefully steps closer towards you. His boots taking cautious steps against the slicked floor that surrounded you. Once near, he reaches a hand, his thumb gently and carefully wiping away the lubricant from your eyes. He had to wipe a few times, but eventually your breath taking orbs slowly blink open. They immediately lock with his hazel ones, and oh my god were they just astonishing. The light hovering slightly above illuminated his dark navy Hawaiian shirt, blending it perfectly with his beautiful irises.

“How’s that?” He questions, a small smirk framing his lips,

You let out a tired sigh. Your shoulders slightly slumping. But a smile still manages to tug on your own lips, indicating you were grateful for his little affection.

“I’d hug you right now but..,” You let your words hang in the air as you glance down at your soaked frame. Earning a soft chuckle from the Kiwi,

“Yeah..wouldn’t want that love,”

Another exhausted sigh slips from you, “Am I nearly done? I’m cold and I wanna shower already,”

Karl snorts at your small pout. His thumb once again wiping away a small streak of lube sliding down your temple.

“I’ll talk to Kripke in calling it for the day,” Karl states as he glances around set, his eyes darting from one crew member to the other before letting them settle back on your frame,

He noticed how you were glaring at him with a playful expression in your eyes. He furrows his brows at you while shoving his hands back in his pockets, but it was then he fully understood for your current playful glare. Larry was back and carefully pouring more lube over your head and frame. A soft snort escapes from Karl as he watches the crew member drench you once again, noticing the smirk on the Larry’s face as he continues doing his job, he was lucky you weren’t facing him other wise he’d definitely be the one covered in lube. Somehow.

“I’m expecting something special and or expensive from you after all of this is done,” You say out loud, an eye closing shut when you feel liquid sliding down your eyelid,

Karl chuckles once again, his hazel eyes igniting with pure admiration, brightness and love as he continues staring at you.

“Guess I should start brainstorming then aye?”

“Sounds like a smart idea,” You mutter before spitting once again when liquid touches your lips,

With that, Karl shakes his head with a deep chuckle before carefully walking away when Kripke calls out on set that he’s ready to start shooting. As Kripke angled the cameras, made last final touches on some props and asked Larry to pour another gallon of lube over you and Shay, everyone was ready to shoot. You let out a heavy exhale as you share a look with Shay that resulted in you both chuckling before positioning yourselves for the take.

It was supposed to be a simple shot. Just you tackling Shay out of the pool and onto the ground, the effects team would later edit the scene to make it look more extra, but for now, your human self had to somehow tackle a grown woman out of a slippery pool without ruining the take.

So, angling yourself in a certain way and gripping onto Shay’s arms, you were confident enough that you’d be able to land it first try.

You were in fact wrong.

The moment Kripke’s voice echos on set and yells action, both you and Shay wrestle for a few seconds before you go to tackle her out of the pool. However, the padding underneath your boots was too slippery, the moment Shay lands on the ground just as planned, you too feel yourself slipping and falling forwards. What comes next was something you hadn’t expected, a sudden jolt of pain washes over your right side of your jaw. The moment you had slipped and launched forward, you didn’t realize just how close Shay was until your jaw had connected perfectly with her knee. Stars erupted in your vision for a hot second as pain radiated through your face, cutting through the jollity of the moment.

“Oh my god! (Y/n) are you okay?” Shay hurriedly asked as she reached out for you,

You had slowly maneuvered yourself to lay on the ground, your back against the cold, slicked floor awhile you clutch onto your sore jaw. You hear Kripke yell cut somewhere on set then the sound of hurried footsteps against the ground. Your eyes were squeezed shut as you make a noise in the back of your throat, letting Shay know that you were okay despite the agony pain traveling up your jaw.

“(Y/n)!?”

“Mmm.. I’m okay,” You softly murmur through the pain as you slowly rise to your knees,

As you sit on your knees, hands holding you upwards you begin to taste heavy copper in your mouth. Fucking great. Anything else!?

“Alright let’s— let’s take a break. 15 minutes, everyone,” You hear Kripke speak just as you feel strong hands slowly and carefully pulling you up on your feet,

Once upright, your eyes turn to the person helping you up, only to meet with Karl’s worried hazel orbs. His eyes desperately scan your face, searching for any signs of harm. However, his worried scowl quickly washes away and is replaced by a wide smile when you send him a smile of your own. Your teeth coated in blood is all he can see, earning a soft chuckle from him.

“Fuckin’ hell love. C’mon let’s get you cleaned up,” Karl says in between chuckles as he carefully guides you both away from set,

You slightly wince when the pain on your jaw slightly intensifies causing you touch your jaw once again, however, just as your fingers make contact with your cheek your blood slightly freezes in your veins when you feel something fall on your tongue. With furrow brows you place the palm of your hand in front of your mouth before spitting onto it, coating your hand with blood. Your eyes grow wide as you continue to stare down at your bloody palm.

You didn’t notice you had made it to where the rest of the cast sat around with their own worried faces, nor didn’t you notice the way Karl had stopped walking when you suddenly halted your steps.

“Oh my god! Is that your-“ The sound of Jack’s voice wildly announcing in the small space has you lifting your eyes,

A disbelieving laugh escapes from you as you let your other free hand reach for the tooth on your palm. You raise your hand in front of you, a wide, bloody smile on your face as you display the loose tooth held between your index and thumb.

“Oh that’s just gross,” Laz is the first to comment with a shake of his head before averting his eyes back to his phone,

“Jesus (Y/n).. how hard did you fall?” Jensen questions as he carefully examines your bloody tooth,

Another chuckle falls from your lips as you look over at Karl who simply shook his head. His fingers running through his dark hair, yet, you didn’t miss the way the corners of his lips lift upwards. His hazel eyes land on yours, a heavy sigh falling from his mouth while you only send him a giggle before making your way to a mirror on set. Once standing in front of one, you open your mouth to try and see where exactly the tooth belonged.

With the little light hanging above you and the blood coating your entire mouth, you managed to see a gap just at the end of your lower jaw. It was a molar that had been knocked out.

Another giggle slips from you as you continue scanning the inside of your mouth. Of course this would happen to you and only you.

“Lose anymore?” Karl asks behind you,

Slightly moving to the side, your eyes meet his through the mirror, seeing the way his mouth was curved into a small smirk but can still see the worry lingering in his eyes.

“I don’t think so. Just the one. I hope,” You mumble the last part as you grab the paper towels that he hands you before once again spitting into its rough texture,

You grimace at the dark red liquid coating the white towel before folding it and wiping away any other blood around your mouth. He then extends an uncapped water bottle to you, which you take with a small smile. Untwisting it and taking a sip, you swish the water in your mouth for a few seconds before going to spit it out, however, an amused look settles on Karl’s face as he watches you look around. Your cheeks inflated due to the water in your mouth, earning a soft chuckle from the Kiwi.

After of what seemed like seconds in trying to find the perfect spot to spit out the bloody water, you glance up at Karl, who only stares at you in silence. A brow rising as a soft chuckle fans past his lips.

“Bloody hell woman,” He mumbles beneath his breath along with a shake of his head as he turns to walk to his chair,

Seconds later he returns to you with his now empty paper coffee cup. Your inflated cheeks stretch into a smile as best as they can as you accept the cup. You spit inside the cup before rinsing your mouth again, you do it a few times until you feel the blood has limited and you’re able to talk without having blood oozing out of your mouth.

“How are you (Y/n)? Heard you loosened a tooth,” Kripke questions. His eyes scanning your features until they land on your palm, where your molar rested, causing guilt to settle on his chest,

You shrug a shoulder with a smile. This time your teeth fresh and clean from blood, “I’ve had worse, I’ll be okay,”

Kripke looks at you, then to Karl, then back to you. A small smile tugging on his lips, he’s always admired your determination, both on and off screen.

“Good to know. We’ll be calling it for today,” Kripke claims,

“You sure? It feel like I messed up the shot,”

Kripke was quick to shake his head, his smile still on his lips, “It actually came out perfect. Despite you sacrificing a tooth, the shot actually looks great,”

You snort. How ironic, in order to get the perfect shot you just needed to get physically injured to make it look real.

“You’re welcome?” You say with a soft chuckle, earning one from both men as well,

With that, Kripke apologizes one last time for pushing you so hard, which you were quick to wave it away with a sincere smile. Giving you a gentle pat on your arm, Kripke walks away, leaving you alone with Karl once again. Who by the way was already covering your entire soaked frame with a towel, causing a wide smile to form on your face as you clutch the towel tighter on you when a cold shiver runs down your spine from the sudden temperature change.

“So.. what do you think the tooth fairy will put under my pillow tonight?” You ask him with a grin as you both slowly walk out of set,

He scoffs, “A bunch of painkillers and a phone,”

“A phone?” That’s an odd one.

“Yep. Because first thing tomorrow mornin’ yer makin’ an appointment to the dentist love,” Karl tells you before giving you a quick peck to your lips and walking away. A snide smirk spreading on his lips when he knows he just bursted your bubble.

You stop walking and stare dumbfounded at his departing back as reality hits you.

The dentist? Well fucking shit..

——————

-> Alright Ya’ll, As Promised! Here’s Another Ubran x Reader Fic Meanwhile I Finish The Reacher x Reader!

-> Believe It Or Not, This One Has Been Sitting On My Notes For The Longest Now, So I Hope Ya’ll Enjoyed This One!! 💞✨

-> Also, Yes! This Is Actually Apart of A Series In Case Ya’ll Haven’t Noticed!

-> Anyways! Stay Tuned For More Updates!! Make Sure To Turn On Post Notifications🔔!!

———————

[buckybarnesss]

I just read the whole lawsuit in its entirety and no , he doesn't say that he did shit. She repeatedly held the film.hostage at various points saying she'll say stuff if they didn't listen to her terms. And to me that's shady af. If you were harrassed then say that . Don't bring it up every time you need to get your way.

Her lawyers fucked up big time. Even if she has a case they messed up her chances by being stupid. I don't get why women can't get good representation. Some of their wording is so off in her lawsuit. Wish she had better lawyers. Not saying I belive her or not. ... But her using the whole thing retrospectively is not good. And it looks like even if she was harrassed or not ( which from the lawsuit seems like not ) she was completely unprofessional as a hired actress that it's gonna affect her chances in future films. Again , I blame her pr team and lawyers for this. They should have seen this coming.

babe white knighting justin baldoni isn't the hill you wanna die on.

you say that if she was harassed than to say that. um bro that's what she IS saying. in the suit she filed claiming sexual harassment and providing detailed and specific examples.

you're not even addressing the very serious claims in lively's filing and that others also spoke up and filed complaints about his behavior on set instead deflecting to an argument over creative control.

holding the film hostage? where? you mean when she refused to return to work after finally getting a meeting to address the significant issues baldoni and heath had created during production?

you clearly don't believe her so get out of here with talking out both sides of your mouth with that non-committal "not saying i believe or not". you don't believe her and want to push the narrative that blake is some kind of egomaniac who wrested the control of the movie from poor, sweet baby angel justin.

say it with your chest.

anyway, let's take a look at some select examples of what is in blake's suit shall we? deadline has the whole pdf of blake's complaint that was filed.

.

that's not even half of them.

and what's baldoni doing other than not addressing any of these claims because he knows a lot of his terrible behavior was documented in the meeting where wayfarer (ie: baldoni and heath) agreed to blake's terms for returning to production?

saying nicepool was based on him because he's apparently the only podcast bro with a man bun in existence. releasing one behind the scenes video that's supposed to be some kind of "smoking gun". releasing texts were blake was cringe. trying to drag taylor swift into the whole ordeal. create a website to apparently refute blake's claims but it's just pdf's of the legal documents he has filed.

yes he has definitely not participated in a deliberate targeted campaign to deflect from his own shit by using DARVO tactics and he's definitely not trying to win in the court of public opinion as to discredit blake before this ever makes it to a courtroom /s

this is a man who has hid behind advocacy and sympathy for domestic abuse victims and claiming to be a feminist as he went back on the agreed terms of promotion to throw his female co-star under the bus as retaliation for holding him accountable for his shitty behavior.

another note: i'd like to thank oh no they didn't member sarahvma for posting about how baldoni and his billionaire buddy steve sarowitz were sued in 2021 for retaliation and discrimination. wayfarer settled this with an undisclosed amount but it adds to a pattern of behavior.

[writingoddess1125]

I'm not sure if you take CoD requests but I was wondering if maybe you could do headcanons for Alejandro(if you write for him) with a reader who's Cajun, has a Cajun accent, and calls him Sha(its Cajun slang for sweetheart/dear/darling)

If you don't write for Alejandro, maybe Price or Soap

Oh this is so cute!!

Support me on Ko-Fi

Alejandro with Cajun Reader

PSA - I did a lot of research so I tried 😅

• You get stationed out to the main base in Los Vaqueros, tasked to help the people there and work alongside Colonel Alejandro Vargas.

• Arriving on a helicopter you smile as you meet Alejandro smiling at you. "Welcome to Las Almas my friend- Heard great things about you"

• "Boujour! Comment ça s’plume? Alejandro no?" You say cheerfully clearly throwing off the man at the French being thrown his way- But a French he was incredibly unfamiliar with

• "Sargent (Y/L/N)? Correct?" You nod calmly, The Colonel smiking a bit- "We must leave soon then"

• "Don't be like that Cher" You say with a laugh and watch the man's face twist in mild confusion still.

• "Sha?" He repeated, you realizing quickly your mistake with a hearty laugh. "It's a term of endearment- Like Darlin'- Now, You said we had to leave No? Allons!"

• Alejandro nods and leads you off to your station, Still a bit confused over what the fuck you were saying-

• After a few weeks on base he starts to understand, realizing you are speaking a form of French mixed with English. The two of you talking quite often now as he shows you around Las Almas and the situation there.

• "They told me you are American-" Alejandro questioned as you two drove through the town.

• "I am-" You clarified with a smile. "From Louisiana" Alejandro nodded his head like he suddently got it.

• "Isn't uh it Creole? Es.. That's the American word right?" Alejandro questions, making you shake your head. "Two differen' peoples Sha-" You say as you try to explain the difference.

• This poor man is so confused- Feels like he's in school again and was just given a very hard exam that he didn't study for.

• "Creole is more City and Cajun is country" You simplified, which seemed to ease the confusion for the time being.

• The two of you become fast friends- You of course a chatter box and always wanting to learn and Alejandro always wanting to teach and see new things.

• Alejandro begins to teach you more Spanish while you teach him French-

• He likes to tease about how you talk with your hands and your passion behind your speaking. Finds it funny

• You two do have arguments at times, like an old couple do at stupid things. However rank is never pulled or acknowledged since it's always fun/personal banter

• However what truly soothed over any issues was the food- The two of you becoming quick food buddies as you'd share your guys food with each other.

• Alejandro walked straight to you on base early morning after a briefing, staring hard at you as he held a wrapped item in hand-

"...This is a La Guacamaya torta- It is one of my favorites... I added extra chicharrón" He flexes as he shows off the item. You nodding in agreement that it looked pretty damn good.

• "Not bad Not bad-" You smile, Before reaching for your own item with a grin. Pulling out a well worn Tupperware bowl-

• "Now, Had to improvise is bit- since Not many of my ingredients in this neck of the woods so I did so?' Pastalaya and found ya a le Boudin to have later"

• You say proudly showing off your lunch. Alejandro nodding also impressed- Before the two of you switch lunches and sit together to eat happily.

• It didn't take a genius for others to figure out you were buddy buddy with the Colonel- While some didn't like it, most warmed up to you and stared in your joy and willingness to expand-

• While you let anyone else know clearly they could go fuck themselves-

• However Alejandro was always your ride or die.

• The two of you shit talk for hours while eating... Half the time Not even understanding each other as you share new insults and curse words.

• He was your best friend, and you his-

[godhandler]

analysing the martials arts of Jujutsu Kaisen - Karate

Suguru Geto

watching him fight makes my mouth water. every move is so perfect, so textbook, so nerdy almost. he STUDIED pure Shotokan karate. when he punches its the right target from the right distance at the right power at the right speed i wanna melt. the ease with which he shifts from blocking to grappling to close handed strikes. the scene of his beating up the old man in hidden inventory is pure orgasmic karate perfection.

he's super confident when he fights. he puts power in his punches (just the prescribed textbook amount). princess doesn't even tie his magnificent hair up (???).

he's very consistently aggressive. unlike karate, he has the boxing spirit where there's no gap between attacks, no hit-and-run. his attacks end when the opponent does.

god his stances, im drowning its so perfect. when panda is tossing his around in jjk 0 he's alwasy landing in the correct kumite postion, feet parallel and shoulder distance apart, knees only slightly bent.

usage of weaponry is uncommon in karate, but he's adept at it. the Playful Cloud, sanjigun (three sectioned staff) is an insane weapon tbh. if u look at it as a more complex nanchaku (which was my first reaction and mostly how todo uses it) its not that useful, as explained very well here. geto uses it more like a super flexible staff, which is really innovative and gets better use out of it as both a defensive and offensive weapon. but the one person who defo uses Playful Cloud best is Toji.

if i have to summarize, i'd say he fights cleanly. he knows he has both the height and weight advantage on yuta and uses both as full body strikes from "above". plus he's surprisingly flexible even in those flowy ass robes. he knows what works for him, he's done it for a longgg time (those reflexes take years to come) and he does it well. he keeps it short-range. he's a monster in combat.

surprisingly he's not particularly using any grappling techniques, even though he that would give him an easy edge over yuta. maybe yuta's hard to grapple, maybe gege akutami didn't think of it.

if i had to point out any flaws, i'd say he doesn't bend his lower back and hips enough to break falls. its a very minor complaint tho, he's delicious as a martial artist. a big issue is that he clearly doesn't lose much and hence doesn't know when to stop and change strategies. like, his fighting is on reflex, not because he's thinking thru each of his moves. but ig that's more of a personality flaw than a combat issue.

Noritoshi Kamo

it's very funny, he uses an old-fashioned traditional style in a very spunky rebellious way. definitely karate based on the prominence of upper body strikes over kicks, the open handed strikes and punches and that definitive teisho-uchi (palm heel strike). Even though Shotokan karate is more popular, he's practising the Shitorio style. we can tell cuz his stances are more upright, the way he prefers to hit fewer strikes with more powers than bombard his opponent with many strikes of lesser power, and his constantly-changing-his-base-position footwork.

when striking, he uses exclusively 'hard' techniques, as in he's sparring earthbender style, not airbender style. he's going for full frontal attacks and he's putting a shit ton of power behind them, which means he either doesn't expect to get blocked or he's not expecting the opponent's block to be very effective. (if u hit proper fucking hard with no gloves and get blocked hard ur hands will hurt like hell and uv wasted all the power and movement).

however, in general he does use a lot of "soft techniques" otherwise, grabbing megumi's tonfas away mid fight. he also just dodges attacks, only using blocks to create an opening for him to attack. irl, most combat happens in very short range so blocking is easier to dodging. but kamo fights mostly long distance, very typical karate hit-and-run type technique, where u do a few attacks and immeditealy create distance. a good technique considering his tall height. this is also why i think its Shitorio karate instead of kyokushin (which is tougher and keep-hitting-them style and lots of shin kicks).

there's no flashy moves like toji or even geto or yuji. kamo uses the most basic and actually practical moves. even though his strength is a given with Flowing Red Scale enhancing him, by the way he shifts his weight, you can tell that he knows how to turn his speed into momentum to create a shit ton of force. I wouldn't like to get punched by him.

as i mentioned, he's using orthodox styles in his own way. his stances aren't textbook correct, like geto, he's just doing what feels stable to him at the moment. he twists his palm heel strike unlike the common finger-up version. he doesn't move his eye before his head, he turns his whole damn head fully. he's sort of going with the flow, a bit too loosely for a traditionalist.

what confuses me is that he's not using himself to the fullest. at 5'10, he's taller than most people, so why not 1. attack from "above" such as overhead and on-shoulder strikes and 2. fucking use your damn kicks man. specially 'kick down'- the kicks that start above the opponents head and end up pushing them to the ground.

in the anime fight, he's deliberately trying his best to not hurt megumi. the entire fight is really short, but he's doing his best to just disarm and not to injure even a little. he's taller and megumi's head is wide open. the heavy tonfas by his side that makes it harder for megumi to block his face than torso... kamo literally punch his face. im dying here tbh. kamo punch his head. even if he blocks his face ull get a second where his eyesight is completely blocked and that's all u need to hit him in the kidneys or spleen. bam fight over. but noooo he's hitting him in the middle of the chest (twice! vary ur target positions to keep the element of surprise!) like what r u doing my man. it's like he want his attacks to be blocked. he fights like he's only 80% committed to it. i'd call him confused but very very talented.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

I Keep Thinking About a Gale x Ace!Tav x Astarion AU

It makes no damn sense. Compels me though.

Let me be clear, this would be an AU and not a continuation of the “canon” I’ve established with Ace!Tav. It’s just not how I picture their story playing out. All the same, I keep circling back to this in my brain. Call it a thought experiment.

I’m probably not going to write a full fic for it. So, if anybody wants to take this general idea and run with it, feel free. Just give me a shoutout. Or if you guys are curious about this AU drop me an ask and I’ll answer with some rambles.

Speaking of, shoutout to @leighsartworks216 for letting me ramble to them about it.

Astarion x Ace!Tav Masterlist (for reference)

Cards on the table, none of these people are ready for a poly relationship

Gale is explicitly monogamous and ties sex and romantic love intimately together. Astarion is still dealing with the idea of being enough and just ✨the trauma✨ . Meanwhile Tav has their own abandonment issues and is just waiting for Astarion to get bored and leave. And yet! This disaster trio won’t leave me alone.

So this whole thing gets started when Astarion approaches Tav about wanting to experiment with sex again

He knows Tav isn't interested in sex and doesn't want to make them feel pressured into having it just to please him, so they talk about opening up in the relationship

Tav is hesitant about it, but also doesn't want this to be the reason Astarion leaves and so agrees

They convince themselves that if Astarion wants to have a one night stand, it’s fine; so long as he’s not seeking out his emotional needs with other people then there’s no risk of him wanting to end things; this is, of course, a terrible way to handle it

So, with that hanging over their heads they reconnect with Gale over some quest (maybe getting a magical item to allow Astarion to walk in the sun)

Gale has been teaching and while happy is admittedly still a bit lonely so is grateful to see his friends again

Gale and Tav always had a close relationship, but seeing them again does stir up some of those old feelings he'd let lie because, you know, the Absolute (headcanon here for further details)

Gale internally berates himself for this because he 1) knows Tav is ace and therefor not interested in a sexual relationship which is something he prioritizes when it comes to romance and 2) Tav is clearly still in a loving relationship with Astarion, so he's not going to be the asshole to get in the middle of all that

He tells himself it’s just the loneliness talking and pushes that shit down

So, he starts getting closer to Astarion who, while still a bit of a rogue, has mellowed a bit and worked on some of his more selfish instincts

Honestly, having the opportunity to see how much Astarion is devoted to Tav increases his opinion of the man

He and Astarion’s relationship is still antagonistic, but much more playful than before

This culminated in a moment when Astarion and Tav are checking in on each other after a trap goes off

Astarion pulls them close a moment kissing Tav on the temple once it’s clear they’re fine

Gale watches this interaction, his stomach twisting with familiar jealousy, but pauses as his mind screeches to a halt realizing “wait, am I jealous of Astarion or Tav?"

Meanwhile Astarion is a bit surprised at Gale being more friendly with him, but he can't say he's complaining. He knows Tav missed him, and while he had his own jealousies early in the relationship, he's since moved passed it. Gale was the one to help him ultimately get together with Tav after all.

He makes more of an effort to get to know the wizard one on one and finds himself looking more and more

There is something oddly endearing when he rambles

Gods he really is a powerful wizard (connotation: scared and horny)

Did his robes always show off his chest hair like that

He really does make Tav happy

Until one morning he's laying in bed and snaps up enraged with himself like, "GALE?! OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU CAN FEEL COMPELLED TO FUCK. FUCKING GALE?!?!?!?!"

Full existential crisis

Yes, they said opening the relationship, but he knows how nervous Tav feels about it. They’ve told him about their past relationships and how so many of them fell apart when the topic of sex came up

But he also knows he can’t do a one night stand; he needs to trust the person he’s having sex with, he wants it to mean something

He knows Gale and he knows it would mean something with him

He also knows Gale’s opinion on monogamy; would he force him to choose between him and Tav? Would Gale even want to be with him? Astarion knows Gale used to feel deeply for Tav

And what if it ends badly? Gale is Tav’s friend, his friend. Fuck, this can’t be happening

Meanwhile Tav is reconnecting with Gale and is like, “Gods I did miss him…oh wait I like *missed* him, missed him”. But pushes that shit down because, again, in a very loving relationship with Astarion which they won’t risk for anything and 2) Gale has made it clear that sex is something he values in a relationship as a form of intimacy.

They knew they couldn’t give him that then and they can’t now

Tav is also starting to notice how Astarion is looking at Gale

They’re much more in tune with his emotions and can see he’s interested

Tav starts to feel jealous and then feels guilty for doing so because they said opening the relationship was fine

Gale is wonderful. They know he’d treat Astarion the way he deserves. They could hardly blame Astarion for ultimately choosing him

They knew deep down they were just a stepping stone on Astarion’s road to recovery. If he can be with someone who can give him so much love and sex, why would he need them?

It also doesn’t help that as they start noticing Astarion looking at Gale, they see Gale looking right back

They do feel deeply for Gale, but know his thoughts on monogamy

Besides, they turned him down before, they can’t expect Gale to have held onto those feelings

So they start to slowly distance themselves from both men, resolving that if Astarion approaches them about it, they’re not going to stand in his way.

This course of action causes all of them to start driving themselves crazy in their own heads

Astarion is scrambling because they can sense Tav pulling away and is desperate to figure out what’s wrong, but Tav won’t tell them anything

Gale can see it too and so is pushing down all of his emotions because “Tav I know you love Astarion and Astarion loves you, so what’s going on”

Tav can’t confide in him either so they just don’t say anything

This leaves Astarion and Gale to start confiding in each other more because what’s going on?

Finally Astarion spills everything to Gale, he and Tav opening their relationship, his fears about them leaving, and becuase he’s got a good idea why they’re pulling away

Gale is admittedly a bit obtuse about it which prompts Astarion to grab him by the front of the robes and start kissing him

Gale respond enthusiastically and the two of them start making out. But before it goes any further their brains catch up with them and they stop, both knowing that they need to talk to Tav

So they approach Tav and Tav’s like, “yeah, it’s fine, can’t say I’m surprised, neither of you are exactly subtle. It’s fine. I’ll take this as my queue to go then.”

Astarion then jumps in like, “wait, no, who said anything about leaving”.

Tav tries to convince him that it’s fine, that they’re happy for him, really. They can’t begrudge him for wanting more and he shouldn’t feel compelled to stay with them.

Astarion’s brain is reeling from this because are you actually kidding me? Please say you’re joking and don’t actually believe that.

He then takes their face in his hands and tells them he’s not going to stop loving them just because he wants to have sex again and if there is one lesson they’ve taught him is that he has more love in him that he ever thought possible. He’s got plenty to spare.

Gale meanwhile has been watching Astarion and Tav’s relationship for some time and has come to understand you can separate sex and romantic love

He then steps in saying, “yes, I am interested is pursuing something more with Astarion, but also with you. Honestly out of the two of you, I’ve loved you for much longer”.

Tav would still need time to accept the idea that they’re not the third wheel. Gale would need to work out how to put that sometimes obsessive love into two people and Astarion still has his trauma, but they’d all have each other to work it all out once they get everything out into the open.

[kremlin]

I do computer work but it's not very hard and kind of boring. How do I get to do hard computer work? Do I have to go to grad school?

hi i tend to miss these because of slipshod ublock custom filters im too birdbrained to fix.

i worked for a large american technology company which sold business machines internationally for close to a decade until laid off in successful accounting fraud scheme a few years ago. started as developer, erm, pardon me, i started as

junior developer

which is a role similar to routinely-executed court jester and human meatwave conscript meant to soak up enemy bullets to cause exhaustion of enemy bullet supply and finally guy that comes in big gross truck with a pump and a tank and a big hose used to suck the shit+piss out of portable toilet/malfunctioning sewer etc. this is for when you are 20 years old or so and they hit you with this work to calm your ass down a bit. my case was cloud bullshit on ancient rickety php stack. 5% keystrokes/clicks are php, 95% remainder is jira and other members of the axis of evil. LOT of dick sucking and butt fucking. Going into men's bathroom and making eye contact with cubicle neighbor before entering stall and fearlessly making disgusting noises. microwaving fish lunch thrice daily. you get the idea. meager paycheck but six figures takehome technically

next is staff dev, wait, god damn fucking tumblr, you can't adjust fonts mid-paragraph, and Big Text is just another type of font, in case you wanted Big Specific font. fucking fuck hold on. next step is

staff developer

no effective change besides greatly increased workload (click those motherfucking jira buttons!! suffer coworker's asinine bad-faith code review comments that HE AND HE ALONE must manually accept your responses to, on HIS time, before you are allowed to click the jira buttons that start the human meat sausage factory to get your 20 line maximum change into an RC and then release and then push candidate and then prod push!! pay raise one thousand dollars annually (lol). Emails. Now you deal with project manager too. speculate as to what sorts of grievous head injuries that man must suffer daily to describe his logic. his job is like the guy from office space that brings documents from one desk to another but he randomly reorders the words on the page in-flight. make plausibly-deniable wife fucking jokes about his wife in earshot. you're almost at the top of the suffering function. next is, no fucking cute font this time, senior developer, sounds cool right, lol, lmao, "senior" "developer" is like "tallest" "midgit".

no pay increase no workload increase but now manager emails you about extremely, extremely personal issues he's facing and also makes his most difficult problems from his boss your problems. one week will pass and then they will hit you with the "we're considering you for a team lead position". answer:

NO

answer no as this is the prescribed path, you take that role, you are maxxed out in workload, you are dealing with forty employee's worth of bullshit, another one thousand dollarinos a year raise, employer has solved efficiency problem with your sanity and burnout as variables. you're supposed to quit or kill yourself within seconds of hitting 30 y/o. don't fall for tricks. say "NO" in a creative way such as "i have tabulated some data and made it into excel pie chart quantifying diff. departments work output and am considering sending it to whoever Dave is, the guy that is one or two or three report levels over your boss' head, you know, his boss' boss' boss or whatever. or say "you are harassing me sexually, racistly" that kind of shit. make threat clearly.

was worth mentioning before, throughout all of this make as many friends and as much of a splash for yourself as possible as its time to trade on that goodwill, tell your boss you want an open relationship and you're going to fuck and suck other managers, and then find the good one with the good team of old fucking geriatric guys who could never be fooled into working more than a reasonable amount daily and also can kill people with their minds since they have been sitting on the bleeding edge of computing since 1969. their boss will usually be, suspiciously, one report rank higher than everyone else. e.g. their boss has a whole other boss + his reports under him. usually small team. go to their boss, say, hi, look at me, look at my beautiful plumage and captivating mating dance, please hire me, pleassseee. his team will say no, they will say things like "I don't know about that kiddo", "That guy seems like a candy-ass", they will read your papers and look at you in the eyes and say it is not compelling, the boss will kind of hire you anyway. if he doesn't you're fucked. if he does you're now a

STAFF ENGINEER

for fifteen minutes and then

ADVISORY/SENIOR/SPECIAL ENGINEER

and the suffering is over. no code minimal jira + squad of gremlin zerglings under your boss whom you can rank-pull and delegate bullshit to, they will be mostly suckers, take advantage of this. 80% of keystrokes/clicks will be in production of beautiful wonderful lovely .docx and .xlsx's, what a godsend, only in an emergency are you allowed to fuck with your zergling's code, usually in a cool way with bullshit procedure removed.

i worked on high performance computing shit. "what the fuck do you mean 2PB or so in and out a day on flash memory", "what the fuck do you mean special infiniband intel MPI library on CD-R stored in Craig's filing cabinet???". Meetings with company people: webcams off, responses optional, snideness allowed. Meetings with client: you must have your dress shirt starched and white glove the shit out of those motherfuckers. timezones = skill issue. i don't care where germany is, i don't give a shit, wake up at 3am for a 20m meeting i take on the toilet or while eating a boiled lobster complete with cracker + lobster bib. customers countable on one hand, invoices to customers not countable with 32 bits. no fucking mistakes ever allowed except for like whitepaper drafts, you cannot fuck the pumpkin on this one, your actual job relies on your ability to hit a button and suck down a week's worth of compute and millions of dollars, boiling swimming pool's worth of TDP, one mistake that leads result data to being able to be characterized as flawed and your balls are getting ripped off. Quarterly IRL meetings = normiepilled normiemaxxing. Dress sharp. leave at 5pm on the dot, go to bar with Old Fucker coworkers, drink wrecklessly with them, have a blast, let them give you a tour of a lab you are absolutely 100% not allowed to be inside, buildings that have posted weight limits per sq. ft. exceeding 250lbs, such a blast. every paycheck a FORTUNE every dinner a banquet every meeting an email every keystroke life or death. you get to meet /lib/doug mofos too one of whom i wrote a very poor kind of poem thing about. thats about it. hope this helps

[omghallucinations]

enhypen heeuseung: wow this is a lot of nurturing benevolent energy especially for someone with a relentless work ethic and need to succeed???

psa: i went into this cold! i have seen clips of this boy off tiktok and i listen to enhypen's music a lot but idk him well, so lmk if this resonates from what u see lmao

wow, i am genuinely impressed! i would trust him with a lot more responsibility than your average man. there is a lot of empathy and compassion and sense of responsibility to others here! capture my heart, why don't you????

ok let's get started.

birth time unknown, my nemesis! well, we've got a range for his moon (21° virgo to 5° libra). no clue about rising, angles, etc etc etc. but! we can dispositor tree.

we've got a mutual reception tree, where venus and mercury rule each other.

someone with a mutual reception tree:

diplomatic

sees other people's perspectives

negotiator

two dimensions of the personality, might lean one way or the other

libra mercury has more influence unless his moon is in libra in which case that branch moves over to venus.

either way we can see his primary actors are gonna be : anxious kind of (self) critical art/relationships vs. diplomatic communication. the work ethic (saturn) also is important (saturn is in charge of mars, his willpower, who is very strong in capricorn), so is the moon (emotions, security needs) and jupiter (beliefs, travel, learning). question--does he have... anxiety? either way probably good to have him on a team bc he can smooth over conflict well.

unsurprisingly his libra sun is way down on the list of influence!! a libra sun is in its fall. a planet in its fall is like stranded somewhere where it does not have any currency, does not speak the language, has no idea what is going on. like it's still around but boy is it confused. libra suns + identity issues 4-ever. libra sun is leaky. the moon and rising are gonna be more influential, and in this case virgo vibes regardless of moon--venus in virgo wields influence over his sun.

ok so just ran into a problem that made me almost rage quit this entire post lmao--at around 8:45 pm virgo venus becomes libra venus. ugHHH this would change a shit ton. he seems like a day chart person though right??? i don't really know much about him idk!! i'm gonna move forward under the assumption that he has virgo venus and if it turns out he was born after 8:45 pm i'm gonna be pissed

cardinal squares and oppositions: rest??? but how could i provide for the family/for the good/for society if i rest??

right away there's a t-square-- jupiter opposite mars, mars square sun/mercury, sun/mercury square jupiter. t-squares are like... hey girl you ever repressed an emotion??? but also they are insanely productive. no one is gonna rest with a square.

cardinal oppositions and squares: activity, drive, FIX the PROBLEM right NOW, only god can stop me, allergic to asking for help capricorn mars: i am in control thus everything that goes wrong is my fault because i could have probably prevented it with willpower clearly i didn't eat enough spirulina or do enough planks cancer jupiter: ♫ we are the world  ♫ we are the children ♫ we are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving  ♫ mars opposite jupiter: i will INSPIRE the BELIEF into everyone!! there is no such thing as overcommitting!! i can take on infinite tasks!! so can you, believe in yourself!! capricorn opposition cancer: spare the rod spoil the inner child no wait we need to focus on nurturing, let's go work no let's go home, safety is through success no wait safety is through the family,

but never fear, squares are here! an opposition may fight forever, but a square comes to some kind of understanding or at least working relationship

capricorn square libra: ah let me rephrase, in a way that is pleasing to you and me, that actually the greatest goal is diplomacy... i mean we're going to do it my way but i will absolutely compromise because i am civil and refined... so... cancer square libra: wait i have no idea what is going on right now or what i'm feeling lol? um could someone... help me.... i'm totally fine giving up completely actually... idk... i really need family/friends to identify myself... ha ha... mars square sun: i know what i want and i will go after it! i must achieve or who am i??? i can never rest i always have to be Doing. my daddy/mommyfamily issues are not the point and have nothing to do with my need to succeed!! mars square mercury: uh what were we talking about haha? jupiter square sun: i will give u the shirt off my back i will give you my last protein bar i believe in growth and freedom and i am definitely as confident as i act like i am ha ha why would you think i wasn't??? jupiter square mercury: i have a great wide angle view of the world and humanity and stuff, also i overheard someone say something one time and completely misinterpreted the situation!! but it's okay i am focused on the future... the possibilities...

lol this is someone who has a really really rEALLY hard time resting. has he ever been injured?? if so, that must have fucking sucked for him. very Achievement Orientated but not in a selfish way, honestly much more focused on the group rather than the self--with the cardinal squares, he has no aries involved. it's all about the society (capricorn) the family (cancer) and the group/relationships (libra).

ahh it reminds me of someone who works 5x harder than other people and someone's like, omg leave some for the rest of us why are you working so hard it makes us look bad, and he's like "..." because it's not about putting himself above someone else! he's not succeeding at you, ok! he is doing so for you, be grateful, god.

mutable opposition: peter pan syndrom

gemini saturn opposes sagittarius pluto, this is generational but also a fun and cute opposition imo. i mean not pluto-saturn, that fully blows, but gemini-sagittarius!

gemini-sagittiarius: talkative, restless, Eternal Youth, down with the kids, subjective v objective, scattered v whole, fox v hedgehog

yay!!!!

however...

saturn-pluto: :(

saturn = anxiety fear and pluto = deep core terror, so together... mm. can be a fear of power, fear of power being put on him, fear of having power himself--heeseung may kind of dodge any leadership roles because he doesn't really trust himself.

saturn-pluto is usually very suspicious of people in authority anyway. can go back and forth between constructing and deconstructing, rules and no rules, i am a good little capitalist v burn all banks. you know what i mean!!

with this and heeseung's capricorn-libra square, he has a lot of stuff around authority and fairness.

let's talk air trines!

you can see an exact trine between heeseung's libra sun and his aquarius uranus--he's not too fussed about fitting in but he is very fussed about equality and equity and humanity and stuff. he has a talent for fairness. also he's lowkey weird with that uranus-mercury trine. idk if he shows this, but he is absolutely very strange.

with the trine from mercury to saturn, his work ethic is natural to him, and he has an ability to be responsible you don't always see with the amount of air energy lol.

also he's super wise and can leave shit in the past when he needs to. i would trust this guy with a lot of responsibilities actually! he has the ability to put his own ego aside and make the decision that's best for the collective even if it's worse for himself, SUPER rare.

damn... i may have to stan??

also uranus mercury and saturn are all retrograde (and neptune) so he's gonna have to unpack a lot of stuff in his life, he's on an Individuation Journey, lots of karmic untangling, go with god my past life baggage buddy

venus-moon conjunction: 🥺

on the left, 12:00 am. on the right, 11:59 pm. either way, we've got a venus-moon conjunction, it's just how close the conjunction goes.

dude i may really have to stan. this is such an adorable conjunction. is he a mama's boy? he might be.

he is so sensy and also is afraid of hurting other people's feelings. he feels rejected easily (maybe less than some people with this placement, bc of his other aspects) and assumes everyone feels rejected easily too, so he is very careful. people pleaser to the max. very sensitive to criticism, probably wants to fix everything immediately if he feels like he made a mistake even if was barely a mistake. girl same, mood.

it's a really good thing he has that capricorn mars and the cardinal opposition/squares because they keep him from being too delicate or yielding, gives him the willpower to move through hurt and things like that. moon-venus conjunction can be too accommodating but capricorn mars hates accommodating so it's a good balance.

hm he might have some gender things, like traditional beliefs around gender. idk if they are actually true to his personality though--it seems more like expectations he was raised with and in some ways they counter his actual personality, but he holds onto them anyway.

and whoever he gets with... you may have to deal with an overly involved mother-in-law.

venus-moon... square chiron: in conflict with his Wound, like it fuels his sensitivity but also there is maybe a feeling of... all is not how it seems, like he may not totally believe someone when they tell him they love him. bright side he is really really caring. (also his chiron is conjunct his south node... hm something is up with his childhood. his mom might be overcompensating for something she feels guilty about that happened to him when he was a kid? idk.) square lunar nodes: essential for his soul's growth--he's gonna have to deal with his own emotional safety needs and relationships in order to Grow. his south node in capricorn is very "workaholic" and his north node in cancer is very "learn to focus on ur own life and family", so that's clear. also at 0°, his lunar nodes are very potent. opposite pisces lilith: virgo v pisces is very martyr vibes, very rescuer or being rescued, he might have a tendency to want to save people that is actually about him wanting himself to be saved? very service-orientated though but he'll need to look that in the face to see what's underneath that need

fixed stars & asteroids & stuff

heeseung's sun is conjunct the fixed star spica. damn he's got some guardian angels. this is the star of protection and benefit. pure dose of helpful energy. you don't always get what you want but you get what u need.

saturn is conjunct the asteroid vesta, who is all about commitment. leadership vibes. he may shun the leadership role but it's after him anyway. when he says he's gonna do something he does it. trustworthy, needs to Believe in something to commit to it.

damn this is good boy disease. what the hell dude. do we have to be so virtuous??? god!!!

---

well!! i am still pausing my enhypen deep dive until i look at all of their charts so we will see, but what do u guys think his he more this one or that one?

actually this is extra hard edition because libra moons and moon conjunction venus are like. super similar lol. PEOPLE PLEASERS.

anyway. is he more overthinker or compulsive smoother-over? what's the vibe?

thank u for joining me on this journey. i've learned a lot and now my heart hurts but i too am air dominant so i don't wanna talk about it :)

[superman86to99]

Action Comics #702 (August 1994)

Bloodsport (not the black one, the anti-black one) returns, which means this is gonna be another distressingly violent issue, but hey, at least we get to see Superman hit a Nazi! Right off the bat, we start with Bloodsport mowing down a nice black family because he wants to, as he puts it, "Keep Metropolis Clean." After the "Fall of Metropolis" storyline, the place is pretty messy, so I guess what he actually wants to do is Make It Clean Again, but I digress.

Meanwhile, Ron Troupe, who helped get rid of Bloodsport the last time he popped up, is working on an article in Lois Lane's borrowed laptop, which is apparently the only working computer in Metropolis right now. When they hear about Bloodsport shooting people up on a bridge, Lois and Ron rush there and arrive right in time to watch Superman get owned by pink goo. Racist pink goo.

(New writer David Michelinie sure loves covering guys in goo, huh?)

Bloodsport recognizes Ron (so he can tell black people apart), who once again has a chance to shoot him but can't bring himself to do it. Bloodsport is like "thanks, now I'll kill you anyway" and shoots at Ron but ends up killing a police officer instead. She looked Latina, though, so I guess that's still a win for him.

By the time Superman has freed himself from The Nazi Goo™, Bloodsport has left for "the largest African-American neighborhood in Metropolis," and not precisely to experience the rich culture and cuisine. Once Superman gets there, Bloodsport teleports a bunch of automated guns all around him, which don't look terribly intimidating to someone with bulletproof skin... until Bloodsport points them outwards, targeting random people in the neighborhood to keep Supes distracted while he goes off to do more hate crimes. I regret to inform you that this makes this racist asshole smarter than 90% of criminals Superman has fought.

While Superman deals with that, Ron, feeling guilty because that cop lady died due to his inability shoot guns, decides to fight Bloodsport through something he's actually good at: journalism. And also by logging into Lois' notebook without permission, but I'm pretty sure she'd understand (you'd think she would have gotten stronger passwords after Lex Luthor hacked her, though). Ron uses his own reporting and the dirt Lois recently dug up on Luthor to find out that all those guns Bloodsport can teleport on demand are currently being stored at the LexCorp tower. Luckily, it's much easier to sneak in there since half the place got blown to shit.

The next time Bloodsport tries to teleport a gun to his hand, he gets something else: a handful of molten metal, courtesy of Ron. Turns out Ron can't pull a trigger, but he's perfectly capable of pulling the pin on a grenade.

Without his teleporting guns, Bloodsport is just a regular bigot in a silly costume. Superman doesn't even deign himself to punch this worthless scum with his whole hand, since a finger will do.

Later, Clark compliments Ron on his bravery, but Ron says the real hero is everyone who goes through their day not being a racist asshole. Pretty low bar, Ron, but a nice sentiment.

NEXT: Zero Hour! Finally!

Creator-Watch:

As mentioned, this is the first issue written by Roger Stern's replacement, David Michelinie, fresh off his long run in Spider-Man comics where, among other things, he co-created Venom, the character who still keeps him infrequently employed at Marvel. This is a bit more violent and darker than I like my Superman comics to be (not surprising from the guy who introduced Iron Man's alcoholism and killed Aquaman's Aquababy) -- I'm not sure I like Clark smiling at the end when so many people died in the issue, including a little girl. At least he didn't wink this time!

But, other than that, I think this is a solid done-in-one story and I appreciate having Ron actually contribute to the plot in a meaningful way. Michelinie clearly did his homework in regards to the continuity and seems to have a good handle on the characters, particularly Lois and Clark. Their interaction in this issue is kinda hokey, but come on, it's Lois and Clark. They're allowed to be hokey.

However, I do remember having one serious complaint about Michelinie's run the first time I read it: an almost complete lack of Bibbo, which is unforgivable. We'll see how accurate that impression is.

Plotline-Watch:

Bloodsport says he survived the explosion in his last appearance because the circuitry in his weapon teleporter got "jangled" and teleported him away. Wait, so he suffered a teleporter malfunction in a comic and didn't become fused with his guns or something? Missed opportunity, if you ask me. At the very least he could have gained the ability to teleport at will, like a racist Nightcrawler. Maybe he could have inexplicably gained a German accent too.

Jimmy Olsen, who's apparently been looking for Lucy Lane since he ditched her with some wannabe rocker girls during the Massacre storyline (that had to be days ago, right?), finally finds her with those same girls, but it's okay because they're friends now. Lucy tells tells Jimmy that the Riot Grrrls invited her to that charity concert for rebuilding Metropolis we've been hearing about lately, the mere mention of which seems to offend Jimmy. Don Sparrow says: "I want to believe Jimmy’s 'whatchoo talkin' bout Willis' expression is due to his shared (with me) hatred of Jeb Friedman, the concern organizer." That, or he remembered that the concert headliner, his old friend Babe, owes him $5.

I've been reading several DC comics published in August 1994 and this is one of the few that didn't include any teasers for Zero Hour whatsoever (stuff like the future city in Green Lantern #54 or the dinosaurs in the latest issues of Guy Gardner: Warrior). At the time, some might have thought that having a full-on Nazi running around in the present could count as an anachronism but, uh, I think we've established by now that that's sadly not the case...

Plug-Watch:

On the subject of Superman punching Nazis, I fully recommend our old pal Patrick Ryall's "Superman vs. Bigots" column at The Avocado, where he goes over instances of Superman Family characters facing bigots across the ages, from the time Supes arrested Hitler in the '40s to the "Perry White vs. the Ku Klux Klan" issue from this era (which we haven't covered yet, so spoilers). Good stuff!

Now a self-plug: as mentioned in our post for the time-displaced Action #642, I've been putting together a sort of Superman '86 to '99 reading guide at my fav'rit current social media site (sorry, BlueSky), League of Comic Geeks, where I'm writing a short blurb about every issue from this era mentioning what's special, noteworthy, or weird/funny about it. At first I was just copying a paragraph or two from our old posts and throwing in a "read more" link, hoping to drive more readers to the newsletter, but I've started rewriting them to be more like something you'd see in an episode guide or a book about the '86-'99 period... which is an intriguing idea. Anyway, here's that reading guide link again, because this paragraph doesn't have enough clickable words in it already: https://leagueofcomicgeeks.com/profile/mrmxy/lists/58097/superman-86-to-99-checklist-wip

Shouts Outs-Watch:

Nazi-punching shout outs to our supporters, Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Bol, Dave Shevlin, and Dave Blosser! Join them (and get extra non-continuity articles; we've got some cartoon-related ones lined up) via Patreon or our newsletter's "pay what you want" mode!

To see more of Don's take on this issue, including his thoughts on Jimmy's physique, keep reading!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We start with the cover, and it keeps the tradition of other Bloodsport covers where Bloodsport is firing a ridiculously high-calibre weapon.  I know the cover text (which generally I dislike) is ironic in this context, but it still bugs me slightly—Bloodsport’s views are so poisonous, even as a villain I hate seeing them represented. But buckle up, because there’s a whoooooole lot of that in this issue.

Lucky for me I’m mostly here to focus on the art, and it’s good throughout, as upsetting and violent as some of the visuals are.  The doomed, completely innocent family who are mowed down by gunfire on page 3 are very well drawn—and coloured—I love rim-lighting, and it’s rarely rendered in orange.

An odd thing happens on page 5, which you sometimes see—artists get so used to drawing everyone with superheroic proportions that even civilians get He-Man action figure physiques—this happens with Jimmy Olsen in that first panel (yes, another Superman song reference on a Jimmy Olsen t-shirt, this time it’s Crash Test Dummies being given a shout-out) looking pretty ‘roided out complete with obliques visible through his shirt.  Not to say that I don’t think Jimmy’s in good shape, but typically he’s a bit more average in build, or so it seems in this suggestive pin-up by Jerry Ordway in 1988…

[Max: You have no idea the amount of research Don did to find that pin-up, which both of us remembered but couldn't place (it turned out to be in the incredible Modern Masters: Jerry Ordway book by TwoMorrows), but it was 100% worth the effort.]

Moving on, the upside down takeoff on page 13 is well done.  Jackson Guice’s Superman always seems to have slightly longer hair than how the other artists draw him, but it’s a consistent thing, so I can’t complain too much.  There’s an unfortunately Michael Jackson-looking Superman grimace on page 18 (shamone), but by the end of the story, Superman’s extremely ticked face is a great panel.

SPEEDING BULLETS:

The Daily Planet offices are, apparently, very near Boring Plaza, named after longtime Superman great, Wayne Boring.

GODWATCH: Dig the beat cop, Marcy, characterizing Superman as an answer to prayer on page 8.  As things go wrong in other places in the book, both Ron Troupe and Superman invoke the almighty in frustration or despair.  Lastly, as Clark and Ron bond in their agreement that racism is gross and wrong, and share an amen.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Bloodsport does not support the then-current Democratic President, Bill Clinton. 

Same as the last time this Alexander Trent version of Bloodsport popped up, I find this an extremely troubling issue.  I get that Bloodsport is a villain, and a dastardly one at that. But even so, I hate some of the words and views he’s sharing—words I don’t even want to type to repeat here—appearing in a Superman comic at all.  With characters this heinous, we almost need an editorial box disclaiming Trent’s statements, as they go unchallenged in the narrative as the character monologues to himself.  Similar to the last issue with Bloodsport, there’s an awful lot of carnage and innocent death for a comics code book, and it’s something I think the better Superman stories steer away from.  It’s hard not to be bothered by the juxtaposition of a black family being gunned down discriminately against Lois and Clark comfortably flirting.

Kudos to Ron for figuring out where Bloodsport’s weapons cache was, but, like in the last appearance of this Bloodsport, I can’t help but wonder why Superman doesn’t try to ionize the air around Bloodsport using his heat vision, since it was so effective the first time he faced this kind of teleporter tactic.  A single line of dialogue could have hand-waved it away, but it seems like a missed opportunity. [Max: True. I would have even taken a "Drat, can't do that since I already did it in another issue! Gotta mix it up!"]

Some small irony that it was a clone war that reduced Metropolis to rubble in this issue, in the first issue from new Action Comics writer David Michelinie, who slinked away after kicking off the wildly controversial Clone Saga over in Spider-Man before joining DC Comics.

Any serviceman’s death in the line of duty is a tragedy, but this Carroll O’Connor looking sergeant must have been pretty close to his pension as it was, no? [Max: I think Bloodsport spared him, though... probably because he loves Archie Bunker so much.]

Missed an issue? Looking for an old storyline? Check out our new chronological issue index!

[crazylittlejester]

You mentioned the modern heroes having different body types than canon due to different lifestyles, so how has it affected everyone? (This is a free invitation to yap about their different body types and like lifestyle writings if you'd like to /gen)

Also, since everyone is suffering with them, how do the boys deal with exams? Does the stress make Sky's epilepsy worse, and if so how do Twi and Wars help him deal with it?

Answering your second question first because it’s shorter alskkdkd (also my bad for spelling errors or weird grammar mistakes my brain is friend from finals)

Yes, exams make Sky more likely to have a seizure because one of his triggers is stress, but over the years he’s gotten somewhat better about not letting everything stack up and overwhelm him. Its not the easiest thing in the world to get Sky to stop and take a break, because if he thinks he’s being treated like glass he’ll get snappy towards people (he knows War and Twi don’t treat him ANY differently but years of teachers being like “why don’t we take a deep breath honey?” in a real condescending way have kinda just made him likely to lash out when people try to help him), but War is a good buddy for him during exams because they keep each other on track and well cared for. Apart from being friends throughout high school, they were roommates those first two years of college in the dorms before they got the apartment with Twi, so War is JUST as familiar with Sky’s epilepsy as Sky is with War’s anxiety attacks (which is the whole reason he has his cats, they were therapist recommended emotional support animals). They keep each other from getting too overwhelmed, and Sky is more likely to let War drag him away from studying to take a break and a lap around their block than he is Twi because Sky knows War most definitely needs the break too. These days they can get through exams with one anxiety attack from War and only a couple more seizures than normal from Sky

As for the others: Wind is the least bothered by exams (he’s in high school still), Four isn’t at their university technically, Wild gets so far past the point of stressed that it loops back around to being COMPLETELY calm and he sometimes needs reminders to even do his work at all, Legend wait till the last minute and then has 2-5 days where he just doesn’t leave his room because he has so many projects to wrap up, and Hyrule is in the same boat as Twi where he’s stressin’ but he’s making it out okay

NOW FOR BODY TYPE DIFFERENCES:

Time is the BIGGEST difference. In LU i hc him to be roughly 5’10 and 170lbs, a fairly big and muscular guy, but my modern au he’s 5’10 (just barely) and around 135lbs. He’s got a few chronic health issues that make it a bit harder for him to gain and keep weight, but he’s by no means weak and he’s within a healthy weight range. Malon is the one lifting and carrying shit around the ranch more often than not (with Twilight helping as well whenever he’s over), and Time can still help her carry heavier things but Malon IS stronger than him and more often than not its HER helping HIM, so he focuses more on feeding and caring for the animals

Twilight is 5’10 (closer to 5’11) and around 180lbs. He lives in the city now because he’s moved in with Sky and War to be closer to his college, but even though he’s not doing ranch work he still works out a good few times a week. He doesn’t have clearly defined muscle like i hc LU Twi would, he’s got a bit more body fat on him, but he’s very fit and he’s the friend people call to help them move shit

Warriors probably has the most similar body type to his LU counterpart (and that fact is literally the reason this whole au came about because that man has a dancer’s build and well. here we are aldkdkd), though he too is a little taller. Theres a running joke that he can’t admit he’s not taller than Twilight, which started from the fact that freshman year of high school, he WAS taller than Twilight. It’s painfully obvious now, because even with War at 5’8, Twilight is almost 3 inches taller than his ass, but Warriors has never said out loud Twilight is taller so theres a whole joke about him still being in denial. Like my hc for him in LU, modern au War has incredibly low body fat, he is mostly muscle and bone. His weight is usually around 120-125lbs and he spends nearly every waking moment basically working out. On week days he wakes up, has a protein shake, hits the skating rink for two hours, eats more for a real breakfast at 8 on his way to class, spends most of his day dancing and takes breaks for snacks and lunch, has dinner, goes to dance rehearsal, has another snack, and then goes to bed and does it all again. Even on weekends he spends like 8 hours dancing and skating, he’s CONSTANTLY moving and running around (he really needs to take a break, one of these days Sky is going to tape him to the couch)

speaking of, Sky is around 5’5 and 140lbs, his epilepsy meds mess with his weight which made him really upset when he first started taking his current medication, and he’s significantly less muscular than his LU counterpart. He runs sometimes (when Twi bullies him to), and he does love going on walks, but his version of working out is NOT hitting the gym. He goes for strolls with his gf in the park and they have a very lovely time

Hyrule is 5’4 (a bit taller than i hc him to be in LU) and around 115lbs with a small but solid frame, he spends his days running around looking for rocks and hiking. People who don’t know him or what he does in his free time are genuinely shocked when they discover he has a decent amount of muscle because he spends so much time climbing things (both trees and also the climbing wall in the gym)

Legend is 5’2 bless his heart and around the same size as Hyrule, which would be nice if they had the same clothing style because then they could share but they most certainly do Not. He has a lot of issues with chronic pain so he’s not someone who can always get up and work out or even just walk around easily, so he is usually asking Twi to come down a floor and help him move the new trinket shelf he’s bought

Wild is significantly less muscular than i hc him to be in LU, and also a bit taller (5’4). He can’t work out super easily because of his hip and he lost a lot of muscle when he had to quit skating, and he now weighs around the same as War (Which makes War’s ability to lift him when they mess around skating on Wild’s good days really impressive because War does not look like he’d be able to lift 120 so easily but he sure can)

Four is 4’11 and a liar, because you will never hear him say he’s anything other than 5’1. The others know he’s not but they let him have it because he’s the shortest so it’s not like he’s lying to be taller than someone else aldkdkkd 😭 he’s around 110 lbs and has a decent amount of muscle in his arms from being a blacksmith’s apprentice. he doesn’t really work out much, he’ll mess around and play games with Wind that require running but that’s about it

Wind is pretty similar to how I hc him in LU, (though he’s an inch taller at 5’3). He isn’t done growing and he’s a bit thin for his height currently (at around 100lbs) because he hit a growth spurt and hasn’t had the time to adjust to suddenly being taller. He’s INCREDIBLY active, he plays soccer, he begs War to take him skating and play ice hockey with him, he will go on runs with Ayrll, he LOVES going fast and just moving around CONSTANTLY. He won’t get too much taller (he’ll stop at 5’5) and he’ll grow into his height in the next few years

[saintsenara]

What I really struggle with in HP is JKR's shallow neoliberal world-building, and how it forces characters to navigate it quite awkwardly. As a big fan of the werewolf lore, I hate what she did there. I want to accept some of the self hatred and oversimplification of the society as complexities of the characters, but some of it also just feels like bad writing. Of course I am a bit of a Lupin stan and I'll do some gymnastics to try to make him a better man/werewolf than he'd ever be (I like to picture him as kind of a Union rep), but I don't know, I just really feel like canon is lacking. Am I just not a great reader?

no, i don't think you're a bad reader, anon.

when it comes to worldbuilding, jkr is certainly no tolkien - a lot of the inconsistencies in canon [i.e. why dumbledore flies to the ministry in philosopher's stone] come from her not having the world fully mapped out prior to writing, and, while this isn't as much of an issue as the fandom makes out [lots of authors adapt their worldbuilding as they go along!], it's definitely exacerbated by the fact that she has a tendency to claim certain inconsistencies were intentional.

the series' politics are also clearly incredibly neoliberal. and part of this [such as the fact that the order is defending the "sensible" status quo] is obviously a bleed-through from jkr's worldview, and i think it's legitimate to acknowledge and criticise that and how it manifests itself in the doylist text.

nonetheless, i think it is worth saying that the fandom has a tendency to criticise aspects of the text which ought instead to be understood as intentional spaces we can devote our energy to filling in. the genre conventions of the series require it to become an uncomplicated good-versus-evil trajectory which ends with all being well - and i do think that, when we're criticising jkr's writing, it's important to acknowledge that the ending of the series feels unsatisfactory because it does these conventions properly, rather than in spite of that fact. similarly, the reason that apparently key aspects of wizarding society [law, politics, etc.] don't get discussed in detail is because they're not the series' focus - i've mentioned elsewhere that i'm obsessed with the concept of wizarding medicine, and that i find the way this is presented in the series really shallow, but i recognise that this is because medicine isn't something the series wants to focus on. order of the phoenix is too long as it is - we don't need 200 more pages of detailed descriptions of how healers learn their craft...

and so i think it's fun for us to work in our own writing to make the worldbuilding feel a bit more cohesive.

the easiest way i've found to square this circle with the watsonian text is to recognise that harry is a partial narrator. he's someone with an incredibly self-serving, black-and-white moral code; he's incredibly privileged within wizarding society and comparatively privileged within muggle society [by which i don't mean that he isn't neglected by the dursleys, but he's also canonically white, able-bodied, cisgender, a native english speaker, well-educated, raised in a middle-class household and so on] and, therefore, never has to actually think about the politics and structure of wizarding society; and he's also a teenage boy, which explains him not being particularly observant or politically aware.

[the best example of this is, of course, that he doesn't give a shit about sirius' treatment of kreacher - because he likes sirius - and he doesn't consider his own mastery over kreacher to be a moral abomination - because he's shown to not really understand the broader social impact of slavery - but he detests the malfoys' treatment of dobby entirely and only because he dislikes the malfoys.]

his attitude towards lupin - and his attitude towards werewolves more generally - can be made sense of through this, i think. harry doesn't care about the broader state-sanctioned oppression of werewolves because it doesn't impact him, he cares about lupin's experience because it does; harry doesn't notice the imperialist overtones to lupin's self-presentation [that is, that he bears "the unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards"] and considers lupin's embrace of "civilisation" to be a good thing [in comparison to werewolves like greyback, who reject it] because it's what he personally considers legitimate; harry focuses on specific aspects of lupin's character because he's not a omniscient perspective - he's a [canonically short-sighted] teenage boy.

[ladyluscinia]

2x08 Reaction #7

Ok, last episode thing in this series I've finally circled around to being pissed about is framing Izzy as a mentor to Edward.

Because what the fuck.

When they had Stede do the whole "taught him everything he knows" bit in 2x05 I thought it was pure flattery, to the point I thought it was wild that Izzy even gave a little shrug like he might believe it. I thought we had established pretty clearly in S1 that Edward was the creative thinker and leader in their dynamic.

Izzy was useful - probably even essential - but he was the support. The tool. Good at the execution.

And he certainly seemed to know this. In 1x04 where they establish their pre-Stede dynamic, Izzy expects Edward to come up with a brilliant plan and tell him what to do. He only doubts him enough to try and take charge at the last possible second, seems mostly aware his own idea is "get shot fighting back instead of sitting and dying", and feels genuine regret for both having to shoot down Edward's first plan and insulting him at all once he saves them in the end.

Because Edward is brilliant. He's earned his place as the leader between them. As Blackbeard.

Which makes it absolutely infuriating that in pivoting him into a "wise mentor" role they have Ricky say to Izzy's face that he was the brains behind Blackbeard and Izzy doesn't even refute it??? Paired with killing him off as the mentor (supposedly), and paralleling him to Auntie as they really double down on the "mentor who has authority over strategy and is proud of you" thing, and the displays of respect in 2x07... it kinda feels like the show is saying Edward learned most or all of his shit from Izzy.

And, like... if they just meant swordfighting and getting an approving nod when he pulled off a complicated disarm that would be one thing, but they kept focusing on things like "brains of the operation" and "how to lead the crew as a Captain" lessons.

And Edward is so much less interesting if Izzy actually taught him how to be Blackbeard, or if he was doing things as Blackbeard for Izzy's approval.

Like I guess I'm glad they didn't flesh it out enough to make the implications fully textual so you can fudge them away from that direction, but they don't really tell you not to read it that way. The man is even giving emotional development advice for fuck's sake. The mentor thing is jarring enough because the authority and respect dynamic really never flowed in Izzy's direction, but it's also putting Izzy in a position where I feel like they are implying he made Edward the man he was for better and worse, and... no. Don't do that.

Stop giving Edward's anxiety-ridden henchman credit for his atrocities - he worked hard on those.

(Plus we literally already know the first authoritative figure in piracy he got round two of Daddy Issues and his fucked up ideas about piracy from. How many symbolic fathers pushing him in dark directions does one man need to kill / be visited by in purgatory / watch die before he can start addressing those???)