#man I have half of it ready
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I try very hard to not say "I want to die" because I know it's one of those things that the more you say the more you get desensitized to it
But damn. I do wanna die.
#I'm dying squirtle...#my professor asked me to present the class I am putting togheter to him tomorrow#man I have half of it ready#my qualification exam is 60 mins of a randomly selected class#and 20 mins of my lab project#I literally have not started the lab project presentation#2 in the AM in the 19th of July the year of the lord 2024#and I don't have a crumb of this fucking thing to show him#and like. I do have the class relatively ready. but 1- it's ugly#and 2- I feel like I have forgotten what I have learned#It's gone. Someone broke into my brain and stole the chapters about microcirculation and myogenic response#I am going to present this thing to the man in about 8 hours and I still need to sleep
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some days it feels like the universe has it out for me and today is one of those days
#just when your day already started off not good and you're ready to just go back to bed by 10am#because of dreams so aggravating and humiliating and frustrating you kept waking up repeatedly#a bunch of other stuff happens that piles on the frustration#and the cherry on top#is that i went to the gym. and somehow. in the brief amount of time that my combination lock was floating loose in my gym bag#it managed to RESET THE COMBINATION SOMEHOW TO RANDOM NUMBERS#AND I DIDN"T KNOW TIL I HAD TO GET IT CUT OFF (after 30 min of trying to unlock/pick it) BY THE DESK EMPLOYEE#WHILE A WHOLE LOCKERROOM FULL OF HALF NAKED MEN STOOD AROUND WATCHING#man can just. can i have a break. can the universe cut me a little slack.#personal stuff
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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Adam, Eve, and Lilith. they’re my ocs now more lore in tags
#the lore:#they’re in an on off throuple#lilith is ofc adams first wive#from before adam (human) was split into two adam (man) and eve (woman)#so lilith is ‘whole’; in modern understanding she’s intersex &transfeminine#lilith and eve had an affair in the garden of eden#in which lilith tempted eve to eat the fruit; while yes persuaded eve wasn’t deceived to do this she made the choice for herself#then she gets sexy w adam and feeds him the apple.#not fully a free choice on his behalf moreso eve choosing what’s best (free will&the enlightenment from the fruit) for them as a unit#adam in a lapse of judgement blames eve. bad choice buddy your wife is always right#so when they’re kicked out they split for a little bit#adam rebounds with lilith and she provides for him and it’s comfortable but he misses eve#they’re together about half a year#meanwhile eve is praying and atoning and has been cultivating plants along a river#adam tries to see eve a couple times during this but she’s mad at him still#after 7months she’s ready to fotgive him provided he helps and hunts animals for them#while they are separated eve is approached by an ‘angel’ who is lilith in disguise. she cares for her and then they go to adam.#adam is like why do you try harming us what have i ever done to you and lilith is upset that he left her and that she was kicked from eden#they get away from her etc#they set up a permanent shelter and as a reward for reuiniting and pushing back ‘satan’ (lilith) he blesses them with a child —Cain#then they later conceive Abel on their own about 2years later#they have other children etc#after abel is killed by cain adam and eve get in a fight and things are tense and there’s another brief affair with lilith#it’s a three way thing to kind of act as catharsis#later later they have seth and that brings them back together#that’s most of it#my art#adam eve and lilith#adam and eve#artistic nudity
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Is this fanfic friendly? I feel like an outlier.
I guess this is my sign it's time to throw together a FAQ post to link to lol.
Yes, every event for this blog is fanfic friendly :D
Though as I mentioned on my Ominous October post, for events that include multiple short stories, I encourage everyone to flex their creativity and take one of their planned short story fanfics, and at least *attempt* to turn one of them into something entirely original; rebuilding a character and story from the ground up to stand on its own two legs is no easy feat, and that is what makes it so fun!
It really gets your creative gears turning, to make an "au of an existing material" to be something entirely original, and you can be pleasantly surprised about the things you come up with!
As a few people say, its not just a matter of "filing the serial numbers off" -- you have to add in just as much *or more* as what you take out when you are turning a fanfiction into something that is original and completely divorced from its original source material / inspiration, and that is a hard, but very rewarding challenge!
Obviously, this is not a requirement (there's no hard requirements for any of the challenges, other than no cheating, including no using AI),
but if you would like an extra challenge for the short story events and you're planning on doing entirely fan-fiction, I highly recommend trying it out at least once, and seeing where it leads you--
you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by what you find down that rabbit hole!
#replies#novella november#long rambly tags to follow lol#including anti royalist / anti billionaire shit#ominous october#this is what my novella november is going to be#something that WAS a huge earth-shattering fanfic AU#but before I even got past a WIP Oneshot I'd already realized that what I was planning was going to turn canon so far on its head it would#be unrecognizable and it would be much better off and more coherent if I made it entirely original#so now it is!#not only does this involve changing every single characters name#everyone is now a completely different species other than human because thats always fun#and of course we're also tackling all the issues that had annoyed me in omega verse fics since I was like 14 and liked the#creature aspects but hated the biological essentialism and misogny / caste systems#if your fantasy people have an enforced caste system you gotta actually treat that like the horror and systemic oppression it is#not just say 'biological = right' like dude what do you think people have been saying about real women this whole time????#people literally insist women are biologically inferior to men do you really think supporting that idea is going to make you sound#progressive just because your main character is a tomboy independant woman?#also like she lost all her independence as soon as she found a man to marry so uhhhhh#what happened to being ready and willing to hit the bricks if people kept talking down to you and condescending you for being a woman????#why did you go from independant badass tomboy to fainting damsel who spends all her time worrying about failing to produce an heir#so her husband can take power#instead of just straight up telling your husband#'hey I don't want to deal with the bullshit from your father how about we do the-#- socially acceptable thing and just go off to make our own independant settlement with some of the villagers who are on your side'#like your husband would literally be escstatic about this idea of finally getting out from under his dad's tyrannical thumb#and its more like way more than half the villagers would go with you not just a handful#theyve been sick of the kings shit for years and only your husband's potential rise to rule kept them in check#cus he actually cares about the villagers and goes among them#while still clearly having some biases to work through when it comes to class and gender equality
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My coworker: your makeup looks really good!
Me: thank you, I’m not good at makeup so I had to try really hard.
#I half assed the stitches and then I got sweaty getting ready so it smeared a little#it’s cool though lololol#me#Halloween#I know her official name is the bride or bride#but a lot of us call her Elsa#after her actress#because being called bride is so crummy#like most of these monsters have real names#like the mummy and invisible man and wolf man have real names#but yeah I do suppose gill man and the monster and the bride don’t have names#which is dumb they deserve names#universal monsters
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brocal for the ship bingo?
The OTP to end all other OTPs... (Man. This wound up being basically Cori's Masterpost of BroCal. AKA... this got long and has some images, since I realized I can post my own art directly instead of just a text link to it lol.)
Wasn't actually expecting this to wind up with a bingo? But I got basically 2?? (Will explain the lighter heart later.) This is A LONG post, and definitely gonna get SUGGESTIVE, bc man, am I obSESSED with BroCal. I'm just gonna go thru each checked box, since I don't know how else to structure this post lol.
Read More to save ppl's dashboards:
I want them to make out with blood: OKAY. I HAVE A WHOLE THING PLANNED FOR THIS CONCEPT. I AM NOT GOING TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT IT JUST YET BC I ACTUALLY WANNA WRITE IT. I'm obsessed with this one fanart of Bro licking Lil Cal, and it spurred on an idea I outlined and really wanna write: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/739969858334294016/hiiii-mutual-i-am-secrecy-asking-if-u-have-anymore
((Sorry for the plain text links, Tumblr app is NOT cooperating with me right now to add hyperlinks. I'd post the image directly if that one was mine.))
Basically, I just really need to see Bro and Cal making out with blood in their mouths, and I started a whole convoluted, unrelated outline in order to make that hapen. It'll probably just be a really short thing that ends at the uh climax, since otherwise it's gonna end up sadstuck. And I don't like sadstuck lol.
Undeniably t4t: Bro and Dirk are always trans for me, and Lil Cal's got that uh... what percentage did I calculate it out to be? 13% of Dirk is in Lil Cal [ My shitpost calculations: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/746702663327072256/i-ran-out-of-tags-rambling-about-this-so-im-just ] so Lil Cal is at least 13% trans because of that much of Dirk being in him, plus however you feel about the other components being trans. LMAO this is ridiculous to type out. Moving on.
EDIT: FUTURE CORI INTERJECTING WITH A:
"Lil Cal Top Surgery Healing Progess: Day 1"
Terrible for each other affectionate/derogatory: I don't even know where the affectionate/derogatory split occurs. I multiship BroCal as both Bro/normal puppet Lil Cal and as Bro/evil juju puppet Lil Cal, and whatever combination in between or outside of that. Terrible in that Bro is so obsessed with Cal that he doesn't have normal relationship/social skills and uses Lil Cal as both a crutch and motivator alternately, in a terrible cycle, or maybe rather... spiral. And also terrible in that Bro is caught in the allure of playing the role of puppeteer while also being a puppet for the darker parts of Lil Cal, whether he actively knows it or not. (Honestly though, I feel like it's dismissive if you try to blame all of Bro's faults on Lil Cal like this tho, which is why I tend towards liking Lil Cal as just a regular puppet a lil bit more. Or at least, a regular mildly supernatural puppet since that can be a little more entertaining if Cal can get into mischief while no one's looking or give off the vibes of his mood more directly, rather than like entirely inanimate or 'just LE, trapped in a puppet body.' Again, I like all of these concepts.) ((I mean that can also be a whole post of its own, like, by the time Bro gets ahold of Lil Cal, are any of the other components still alive in there? Like, are ARquius and Gamzee still in there or did Caliborn kill and consume them entirely? Idk how it works, man. This is why I like Lil Cal as his own person, maybe just influenced by the feelings of the others. LaCroix: CalGamARquius essenced water. Lil Croix.))
They need to get weirder with it: YES YES. 1000% YES. I need entirely shameless Bro doing entirely shamless things to Lil Cal. I want them inseparable and doing unspeakable things to each other. I want Bro taking full advantage of Cal having a puppet body and all the intimacy that comes with making repairs and being elbow-deep in stuffing.
Playing with them like dolls cute/psychological torture: This is the same divide as with the 'terrible for each other' point, so I'm just gonna go with the cute one, since the torture one is self-explanatory. I want them fucking married. Like. Full mushy cute romance type of relationship that Bro has never felt for any of the people in his life (cough aromantic cough). I made this comic not too long ago, and I often fondly look back on it, because I adore the concept of Bro being lovey and romantic and everything out of character around Lil Cal because he feels safe and loved and comfortable around Cal:
[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/750602227910131712/brocal-4-lyfe-so-i-had-this-idea-of-dave-being ]
I made a post a long, long time ago (not gonna link that one bc it was personal and I was being very obviously mentally ill ["C'mon, like you're not being obviously mentally ill while typing paragraph upon paragraph about BroCal still in 2024 like 10 years later??" Fair.]) But the gist of it was that, like, having objectophilia or objectum sexuality is like, from an outsider pov, it's a way to express love to yourself. You filter all your self-hate through the object you love, and you get back unconditional love in return.
Lil Cal is never gonna hate Bro, no matter what Bro does. As a regular puppet, Lil Cal doesn't have the capacity for hate. And so that only brings them closer, since Cal is never gonna reject Bro for any reason. (Back to being a crutch. RSD is real, and Dave is probably a big trigger for that since he's not on the same wavelength of weird as Bro [not blaming Dave, obviously, this is a post about BroCal].) Bro can experience receiving positive attention from Lil Cal, without feeling 'fake' or uncool by expressing that same attention or affection directly to his own self. (Things are always done through multiple layers with the Striders, aren't they?) ((And I'm not saying Lil Cal doesn't love Bro, or that their relationship is just pretend - it's real, I'm just like, 'What's going on behind the curtain in the mundane situation?/ How is the relationship appealing?' Lil Cal luvs Bro 5eva 4 lyfe and that's a hard fact. Could cut diamonds with that shit.)) Example: maybe Bro is dealing with a bout of body/gender dysphoria and is trying to take out his frustration with working out, and it's not helping, even if he's powered through a set better than normal. Then, he notices the way Lil Cal is watching him, and he can feel the excitement seeping off Cal. He can sense the echoes of a wolf-whistle ring out through his mind, and it's like. Okay, none of that shit from before matters, he's got all the validation he needs right there in Lil Cal. Maybe flex in Cal's direction, Bro?
Oh, so back to being cute: isn't it wonderful how the template maker phrased it as 'playing dolls'? But yeah, I want all the mush and everything. Bro has a whole wardrobe for Lil Cal for every minor event that occurs in the Strider household. I want them going on genuine dates. Maybe even... holding hands. Bro blushes for the first time since he was 16. He even gets to take Lil Cal with him when he goes out to DJ or put on a show. Not to mention the whole website business. (I've talked about Cal's role in that before, but I'll mention it in a moment...)
They will die in a heart shaped pool of blood: I mean, kinda did happen, even tho Lil Cal didn't perma die right there. I don't think this one needs any explanation, since it basically happens in canon.
'You should see the other guy...': Okay, so. About 11 years ago, I had a really great idea. About how smuppets enter this world. I expanded on it in the following more-recent post (adult only content lol): https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741683686717669376/back-in-the-day-my-friends-called-me-insane-when-i
To sum it up, whenever Bro makes a new smuppet design, he then gives it a video debut on his website, where uh, Lil Cal births the smuppet like it's a horror movie scene, fake blood and poly-fil gore all over the place as the smuppet crawls out from the viscera. Bro then gets to play aftercare by lovingly and gently cleaning up and restuffing Lil Cal as they get to admire their new creation and rake in the dough lol.
So it's technically not a 'you should see the other guy' kinda situation, but it does involve one of them being... idk what word would describe it. Injured by the other? Usually a character loses a fight and says this to act like they got out of it better than the other guy, but... We could have someone knock on the door during the filming of a scene like that, and Bro has to answer it with fake blood up to his elbows, and be like 'You should see the other guy.' (But obviously, that's a terrible idea and would cause more trouble than it's worth... Maybe worth it for a persistent door to door salesperson, though.)
Though, I guess I should also say, I'm not opposed to Bro beating on Lil Cal in or out of the bedroom. Or in the case of animate Lil Cal, Cal choking out Bro. In or out of the bedroom, lol. Depends on the situation, like I said I will ship this ship any which way. But my preference for animate Lil Cal is to be like a totally normal puppet around Bro (or mushy in-love with Bro) and then evil-murder-puppet towards anyone else in Bro's life, like a... toxic yaoi guard puppet. (New Phrase Achievement Unlocked!) Bro brings home another guy to have sex, who tries to stay the night due to the late hour, but the guy wakes up shortly after to see Lil Cal standing there with a knife in the dark, eyes glowing red. Panic ensues when the guest screams and freaks out, and by the time Bro's got a light on, grabbing his sword, ready for a ninja vs ninja fight (bc an intruder would've had to bypass all the traps), Lil Cal is just innocently splayed across the desk chair, no knife in sight. Relevant post (well, the caption on the post too, saying how Bro can't seem to hold onto any relationships besides Lil Cal):
[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741830516962164736/i-want-you-so-youre-mine-always-selfishly ]
Uh, lol, also Cal choking out Bro in the bedroom, adult only drawing: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/754328907438800896/i-wouldnt-wanna-be-my-ex-when-he-found-out-who
Thinking about them always and forever: Listen. My Tumblr as proof, I've had BroCal on the brain for at least 11 years at this point. Definitely longer, since I first started reading Homestuck. I fucking love puppets and dolls and plushies and I always have. Man, if I hadn't deleted Tweets (automated app I used to do, and I couldn't choose what to save) from when I was in high school, you could've seen me @ ing my fave band when they were taking lyric suggestions on a fan-inspired album, where I was telling them 'make a song where the theme is puppets' and, while I don't know if they saw that or took the suggestion (they had responded to me before bc they weren't huge yet), there is indeed a song titled "Puppets" on that album, and it was my favourite song on there. Point is, I was fated to ship BroCal before I even knew it existed.
Sicko 2 sicko communication: I mean, does this even need explaining? Bro and Cal aren't just on the same wavelength of freaky, they're the fucking source of the wavelength, and it's causing a feedback loop between them. And it does as feedback does, which is, it amplifies with time. (Going back to the spiral symbolism here, lol.) ((Actually, time can play a symbol here, too, I guess, but idk how to word it, I'm starting to run out of steam.))
Let them have a happy ending: God, I need this so badly. I know Bro's story ends in Homestuck, but like. Pls. Someone needs to officiate their wedding. Currently placing the dreambubble order, but I can't organize a wedding by myself. OH speaking of. In that lil comic I did above, where Bro is accepting Lil Cal's proposal, I had the Natural Born Killers wedding scene in mind. I was gonna draw that as a follow up, but I think I have too many WIPs going. Just two people on the run, saying "I do" in a scenic but completely ordinary roadside location. Idk why, I keep going back to that movie for things related to Bro (I mention it in a very important scene in a longer WIP I've been writing, as something Bro watched and internalized as a kid lol.) It's not the best movie lol. Anyway.
The devotion omg: I feel like I have already gotten my point across about this, but let me reiterate:
[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/735842968450269184/in-the-name-of-iconic-magical-girl-anime-ill ]
Bro and Lil Cal absolutely beat the shit outta Jack Noir before he gets prototyped. And even then, they fight together till the death, like. C'mon. Nothing more romantic than fighting a losing battle side by side. Also, like, Lil Cal having his own protective chest for safekeeping as seen in the Strider living room? Like, you don't just have a protective case for any old thing, especially something meant to be handled, especially something that is regularly used to smack other things/humans. What I'm saying is, Lil Cal is durable and resilient, and yet, Bro still has a case for transporting Cal safely. Oh, wait, I just thought of something funny, what if Lil Cal goes feral like a cat, and basically the chest is like a cat carrier so Bro can drive without being constricted lmaoooo, I've been typing for hours can you tell?
Kind of homophobic: Listen. I HAD a Cal. Took him to college. Staked my claim on the top bunk bc I am royalty. Proceeded to not have anywhere to set my water cup and had to use a cardboard box as a table up there. Spilled water. Melted Cal's sharpie-drawn face. And then proceeded to cry. I have a WIP of Lil Cal 2, but that requires actually remembering to work on him. I wanna do better by the pattern, too, since I rushed to finish the first. I have all the material! I have the project started! So it's just a matter of reordering my WIP priorities, honestly.
Where is all the fucking content?!: For realzz. I was actually venting about this the other day (didn't end up posting it), but it's like, either there's no BroCal content, or there IS BroCal content, but I can't reblog it for reasons I don't want to get into on this post. I'm dying of thirst in the ocean, basically. Whatever. This just means I need to make more BroCal content myself, which I am more than happy to do. I've just had a rough past few months, so I'm glad I got to type all this post out, and hopefully I can get back to creating soon.
Last one! I hope this one makes up for the absurd length of the post, it's prob my new fave idea I just came up with on the spot.
[TW drink spiking by a stranger mentioned in this.]
Committing atrocities as their silly little activities: I think we all know what this means, but I am going to ignore that elephant with my special x-ray vision. Because this is a BroCal post. I'm digging deep to the meat and bones of this. Honestly, this could go multiple routes, it depends on how you take your Lil Cal.
One could place emphasis on the 'guard' part of the, ahem ahem, toxic yaoi guard puppet. Maybe someone is actually trying to harm Bro, and Bro legit can't do anything for reasons outside of his control - let's say his drink got spiked a while after he invited a stranger home that he thought was chill. As Bro gets shoved down on the futon, his memory of the night is only a few flickers. Familiar orange plush, roiling around above him like a dancing windsock. Flashes of Lil Cal's face all distorted and stretched wide like a funhouse. J-Lo and Ice Cube on the TV. But when Bro is finally able to fully wake up in the morning, everything is as if he just got home alone last night and passed out on the futon. Cal looks totally normal and content tucked under Bro's warm arm. Except when Bro gets up, there is a pair of shoes too big to belong to him at the door. Maybe Bro knows. Maybe instinct tells him to run. Maybe he does, but he's running towards Lil Cal, every time.
#apologies for being entirely unhinged about brocal. this isnt even the half of it#the-meat-machine#asked#praying my internet posts this in one go in the correct format. rip to everyones dashboard if it doesnt#im not turning on my pc to correct it if i cant fix an upload error from mobile#homestuck#brocal#otp5eva#stridercest#long post#Cori.exe#Post.exe#im like staring at my phone scared to hit the post button bc if tumblr has a fit then idk what ill do#and its like okay i could just put my phone down and go to sleep.#but what if tumblr decides to post it AFTER IM ASLEEP AND CLOGS EVERYONE WHOS FOLLOWING ME'S DASH#if that readmore doesnt save where its supposed to... (has happened before)... i am genuinely so fucking sorry.#oh oKAY WAIT compromise. ill save it as a draft first so the bulk of the upload happens privately in case something goes wrong#bc knowing my internet and how i was fighting hyperlinks last night and today that still wont work. something is gonna go wrong#fingers crossed the draft saves tho i dont wanna copy all this shit from the 'in case of emergency' screenshots i took lol#anyway i really need to get ready for bed fuck lol literally took me hours to type this and its not even polished ughh#toxic yaoi guard puppet#omg tho 'lil cal top surgery' idea had me dying when i remembered theres canon cal sewn up like that#i gotta remember to post that separately tmr#i got this post draftes and gna post now. im seeby#oh wait#puppets#suggestive#striders#man if i wish i started w the last point but i dont have the energy to reorder everything#nini im going seep 4r this time
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Vlad "I Want A Family So Fucking Bad It Makes Me Look Stupid" Masters
#danny phantom#vlad masters#hjbedit#vlad plasmius#dp screencaps#danny fenton#maddie fenton#s01 e17#maternal instinct#this really should be alternately titled 'paternal instinct'#vlad was 100% ready to sign danny's adoption papers#man broke down in tears#actually heartbreaking#i love this filthy putrid lonely single (half) ghost#poor little meow meow#i don't believe for 1 second that vlad and maddie wouldn't have had an entire houseful of kids in that alternate timeline#this man is obsessed with becoming a father#look what happened when that never came to be#he turned into an evil jerk#somewhere there's a universe where vlad is a happy normal exhausted dad of 14 kids
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My enjoyment of a male character is often interlinked to their overall treatment by the fandom. When the fandom is extremely annoying about them, my love for them decreases and when the fandom hates them, it only serves to make me like them more.
#which is why coriolanus is so interesting because you have the annoying half who woobifies him and the even more annoying half who think#you can’t talk about him without giving twenty disclaimers about how he’s the worst man to ever exist#he is the worst man to ever exist of course (in thg… i’d argue that tbosas snow until the final chapter is literally just a guy#for the most part. a guy who has done shit and is continuing to do shit and is spiralling and becoming something he can’t turn back from.#but still just a guy.#but you all aren’t ready for that conversation)#both halves are annoying#but the latter are louder and i have to see them everywhere while the former are annoying but ultimately i can’t take them seriously#this is also the reason i am extremely annoying about sam the overall fandom and half the showrunners hated/didn’t care about his ass#also also this is why i tend to stay away from some of the more annoying samgirls. i love him too much for his character to be#even the slightest bit soured for me
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look, going to work is bad. waking up is bad. and buddy, waking up with enough time to get to work? bad.
#shift starts at 8. cool! not too bad#it's at a different pool than i usually go to which is further away but not by much. okay#so allot 45 minutes to drive (it's 30 minutes but i like to round up just in case)#(well. it's 25 minutes. which i round up to 30. but with potential traffic delays and finding parking and - you get it)#so i have to leave at 7:15. ugh. that's early#but i also have to get dressed get ready eat breakfast and make lunch (or there'll be hell to pay) which takes me a half hour minimum#so i need to be awake at 6:45#... annnnnnnd let's round that to 6:30. just to be safe#fuck. i have to wake up at 6:30? man just shoot me into the sun#.mnlg
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Hmm. Yeah. Didn't consider the fact that they were going to attempt (and did) to kill Grey and Black in my lifetime. so then M absolutely could've just taken my body, killed my physical family like he kept trying to do, and either offed me or kept - I mean. yeah. kept my body and made it an incarnation of him. Ahhh I love our family
#Technically it wasn't planned for my life for long? Grey just caught up to them and they had their plans unravelled and had to act fast#This is also a mess of a retelling half on purpose because eh as much as the public knows because they suffered from it uh#do I need to talk about it on tumblr? Why not. But half because I thought about Ms constant looming ''I'll kill them all in your body#and make you watch'' irt this body's family and how even if I didn't know Black would've probably stood in the way - a matter#of if he could or not. But he metaphorically stood in the way because they couldn't ruin their relationship with. him.#I mean. they've. done equally as bad things if not worse to other lives of the family.#But yeah. ''If Black and Grey weren't there I'd have been in worse danger - oh. They almost weren't there. Oh.''#Sometimes I wonder why I'm so desensitised to danger like eyes being gouged out if I slipped on a knife or getting limbs#caught in machines or whatever and then I'm like yeah I mean they fed me constant intrusive thoughts and they also were just. themselves.#They were just like this. If you live near or with them you better be ready to have constant intrusive thoughts -#And I mean that not as in oh stabbing with knives etc. I mean terror that turns into vivid playthroughs of whatever Your fears are#For me it was incest stuff and violence and abuse which. Funniest thing to say ever but that's good! Nice to know how#terrified of it I was so he/they can't pull any kind of ''but you're my mother so you clearly would've had to want it'' because.#the two of them saw constantly how terrified of incest I was. Man. What a fucking family.#ramblings //
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OOOUGGHAAAAAAA I DID IT I MANAGED TO DO INK WITH A DIP PEN
NEXT COMICS MEDIUM IS FUCKING SETTLED. YUUTO YOU WILL BE FED
#bakuspeech#hi I am Fucking Excite#litcherally. the last time I tried using any kind of dip pen it was a bamboo calligraphy pen#and I was. 18. the previous time I was 15 and even worse at it than then#fully went into this attempt already accepting I will probably be maybe marginally better#but!! it was pretty fun I did much okayer than expected!!!!#I need to be more confident with the pen but I can do that. I just need to do this a Lot#but like. I was Really scared. I didn't remember how a dip pen behaves at All#I tried freehanding some stuff before but it really is very different from a fineliner#half relieved my 200k vnd wont go to waste lmao. man. I was ready to bruteforce it#but I wont have to!!! as long as I have a decent concrete sketch!! itll be alright!!!!#yuuto origin comic is a fucking go. I WILL do this. mom I AM going to be a mangaka#well. a doujinka perhaps#dgsjdjjs sorry Im just. this is 13yo baku's unattainable dream!! part of why I#turned to wholesale digital art and eventually brush inking was because dip pens were#deeply scary and messy to me back then. I got ink Everywhere#now I didnt even make a spare fleck on this one!!! I can do it now!!!! dreams do fucking come true!!!!!!#literally bringing this piece of scrap around showing everyone like a kid who got perfect score on a test lmao#Im just. Im happy guys. Im so!!! auuughghhhh#I'll practice more tonite. I will Get Better At This. I will scribble a bunch more of yuuto#to get used to the style. I need a buncha outfit refs anyway#have a good day!! holds u hand everything is possible. try something u didnt have the chance to be good at as a kid again#life is fucking good sometimes!!!!!
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im so terrified that im not going to be able to survive living on my own which is like the most horrifying thought to me because my own independance and getting out of my parents house has always been like a top priority for me but im like really bad at taking care of even my most basic needs and it doesnt help seeing ppl talking about autistic people not being able to leve alone, like i know that a lot do but what if im one of the ones who cant
#i know im still young but#i'll be 18 in like 2 yrs and a half#anf it goes by so quick#im not ready im not cut out for this#my dad already doesnt believe i can do it#i dont want him to be right#its so embarrasing#idk man i just realised that i would not have eaten in all day if my mum hadnt reminded me#like EATING literally one of the most basic things#at least when i had an ed i wasnt eating on purpose#but like just. forgetting#is so embarrasing#and my stupid fucking sister#is always telling me how lucky i am i dont think about food and i just forget to eat#like screw you screw you so much sarah#i wish my body would give me normal stupid cues go fuck yourself dude#alex says shit
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i feel so bad for cover singers who like to do a lot of anime music because rn one of the biggest anime openings to cover is Idol by Yoasobi which is hard enough to keep up with, like even if you can hit all the notes correctly you still have to figure out how to sell the speak-singing bits and thats a whole nother ballpark like dear god have you HEARD the sheer personality thats oozing from every note like the enunciations and the lilts and the subtle vocal fry like right before the ruby aqua bit in the “aida” like LISTEN
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okay that was really tricky to cover but we made it. and now what if you really wanna get that SEO? what if you wanna do another cover, usually doing the ending song for a popular anime is fun too right? lets hope its not as difficult to sing at the opening- AND then you get hit with Mephisto by Queen Bee and you explode on impact
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#they really killed all the cover singers with this combo#with idol at least if you have a distinct enough voice and enough character you can have that carry you through parts of it#but covering like any queen bee song is like. are you ready. are you ready. are you prepared#a lot of people skip trying to sing mephisto. i understand. hard enough to keep up with the lead singer of yaosobi#another thing entirely to keep up with avu chan doing avu chan things all over the track <3#by the way listen to everything queen bee has every produced right NOW#like not just all the high bits jumping into the lower bits and then jumping into even higher bits but avu chans vocalizations#those vocallzations mans. the vibratos the vocal fries the parts where they go a little nasal the parts where they go really open#god. i cant imagine how hard itd be to try to sing a song like this#some brave cover singers have tried though! ive found quite a few good covers actually!#but i definitely understand why its not as popular of a cover song choice as idol fhdjfskdjhkfd#did i ever make a tag for my musicposting#musicposting#hopefully thats my tag. i should musicpost more i always find it fun HJKFDJFD#anyway. listen to mephisto by queen bee right now. also listen to half and king bitch and of course fire and every song theyve made#PRIDE......LISTEN TO PRIDE......hey boys.... hey girls.... hey baBIES......listen to pride by queen bee right this instant#its still pride month for the next 30 seconds where i live listen to pride by queen bee right now
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how deal with taidan
#^ crying over saki for the second night in a row#i am Not Okay about the fact her taidan is exactly a year after her pb footage aired on sky stage#bc that was the very last thing where i was like ok yeah maybe saki IS my second fave of all time#feels weird to call her my second fave#shes like basically on par w aasa 😭 idk how else to word itjfhd#idk not the point i am just emotional and sad and will miss her dearly#but also wishing her luck in whatever she decides to do next whether that be in the public eye or not#also just feel so sad about how busy ive been recently 😭😭#was planning on going back and watching all her shinkos and leads that i havent watched yet before the 13th but uni hit me like a truck#and i have not have time 😔#have not had *#sorry if you are reading this 🙏 it is not coherent 🙏🙏 fjdhdjd#idk i was torn up enough over kiwa and this is about to be 4000x worse sofhdhdjd#did watch every sakigumi show in order a while ago w my gf and that was nice at least#idk man im excited for aasas run im sure itll be great im just so not ready to say bye to sakigumi#god if youd have told me when i first got into zuka i would be this torn up over saki leaving i would not have believed you#but here we are#at no point was i expecting to get This Attached to saki but it just kind of happened#aasas fault whatever#fjhdjdhd#sorry none of fhis is coherent i do not know how to organise or articulate my thoughts#idk i love s4kiaasa so much#getting to watch them together both on and off stage for the last two and a half years ish since i got into zuka has meant so much to me#i hope they both continue to thrive and i look forward to seeing what they do next
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if i speak about the andretti rejection….
#I’ll look like that meme of the feral stick people#ripping off heads#shitting down necks#i’m also fucking DEVESTATED for mario#i pray he makes it to see his team in f1#he’s such a fucking legend#and his teams are legitimately good#they sponsor them well & back them well#AND THEY CAN ACTUALLY PERFORMMMM#look at this year’s results from daytona 24#they came in 3rd!!!#like they continuously perform and put their money where their mouth is#AND THEY HAVE A FUCKING CAR#WHAT THE FUCK#CMON#THEYRE READY#MORE READY THAN THE BACK HALF OF THE GRID#THEYRE MAKING THEIR COMMITMENT OBVIOUS#CMON MAN#ugh#i hate it here#kay.txt#andretti
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