#mals orphanage

[storyofmychoices]

I know people are questioning why Mal is smiling...Mal is smiling because he is telling a story to the children on the roof top of the orphanage... it's literally the first orphanage story I wrote.

Mal loves storytelling. Children are captivating audiences. He can tell them the most ridiculous tales and they will cling to his every word. It's why I started the orphanage. It's his element. It's why Tyril starts off tall and then ends up being 5'0" by the most recent retelling. So no one believes Tyril is Tyril when he shows up.

@choicesbookclub

[Mal Volari x Daenarya Blades 1 + Beyond] [Mal’s Orphanage]

[Mal Volari x Daenarya Blades 2 AU]

[lovealexhunt]

Hey! Just wanted to thank you for sharing your wonderful writing and passion with the community! I'm in awe with how you write Mal and Daenerya, and the whole BOLAS crew. And the orphanage stories are incredibly heartwarming ❤️ I'm very late to the fandom but just happy I stumbled across your work! Wishing you a wonderfull 2024 🎉

Thank you so so so much for all the love and support you've sent my way since joining the fandom. Mal and Daenarya are SO much fun to write I love them a lot, but the orphanage is so personal and important to me. I love that series so much. I love those children and I am so happy you are enjoying their stories! I hope to continue it one day.

I'm still so mad PB took my lovely idea and ruined it. They destroyed my orphanage storyline. It was nothing more than a plot devise. I'll never get over how poorly they handled that storyline in book 2. Mal Volari would never!

But I digress, thank you again for your kind words! They mean so much to me! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[datingsimnonsense]

Me explaining to the devs why the core 4 companions from the Blades of light and shadow games should actually be in a massive polycule with mc

[grishaverse-chaos]

I might be in a very small minority here, but I actually really don't want Alina to have a corruption arc in any future seasons of s&b! (Mostly because I hate the trope of victims becoming just like their abusers, and it seems to me that that's where the show is going with her arc)

So here's what I want for her. (Under a cut because it got longer than I thought it would)

I want her to be angry and terrified about her new powers. I want her to be furious that the Darkling gave her his powers - one final act of violation that means she will never be able to forget him, no matter how hard she tries. I want her to be scared, constantly. I want to see her break down in tears after killing the Fjerdan assassin, because she didn't know she had his powers and is she turning into him? I want her to be scared of the adrenaline rush she gets whenever she uses her new powers. To refuse ever to use them again.

I want her to have PTSD. Nightmares. I want to see her wake up in the middle of the night, tears running down her face because she dreamed that the Darkling came back and forced her to train her shadow powers. I want her to reach for Mal only to remember that he's not there anymore - and maybe she wonders, is it her fault he's gone? Maybe he knew that she would turn evil. Maybe, just like the Darkling, she's going to push away everyone she loves.

I want Nikolai to transform into the demon, and Alina to see it and have a panic attack because what if that means the Darkling's back? I want her to talk to Zoya, and ask how she manages to stay so fucking calm all the time. I want Zoya to break down when there's nobody around but Alina, and tell her that even if she seems fine, she's terrified, looking around every corner to check for shadows. I want Zoya to confess that she fears becoming just like the Darkling, and Alina to reply "try having his powers"

I want them to bond over their fear, and each promise to pull the other out if they ever do start becoming like him. I want Alina to retreat further and further from the throne because she doesn't trust herself with power, and Zoya to step forward because even if she doesn't trust herself with power, she wants to test herself, to prove to herself that she is nothing like him.

I want Alina to be completely unstable, to panic every time she's in trouble and has to defend herself. I want her to stop using her Sun Summoning because she's afraid that even that might make her more like him, and I want her to get sick from it. I want her to be on the edge of collapsing at any given moment.

I want Nikolai to not notice a single thing about how Alina's breaking down, because he's busy and has a kingdom to run. I want Alina to scream at him and tell him that he's one of the only people in the whole country who actually gives a shit about her so can he act like it? I want him to look at her for the first time in months and realise that oh shit, his best friend is dying. I want him to write to Mal, begging him to come back, because as much as he wants to be able to save Alina himself, he can't.

I want Mal to come back and tell Alina everything she needs to hear. I want him to convince her that her light is beautiful, that it is nothing like the Darkling's shadows, that she is nothing like him. I want her to bury her face in his chest and break down in tears, because she almost forgot how good he is at saying the right thing when she needs him. I want him to offer to take her away from Court, and her to protest, saying that she can't leave.

I want Mal to stick around, and while he's still there, Alina to tell Zoya about his offer. I want Zoya to tell her to take it, to go while she still can, before the wedding. (And if Zoya's saying this partly because she and Nikolai have gotten closer while Alina's been having her mental breakdown, and she doesn't love the fact that he's engaged to somebody else... well, Alina kind of guessed that anyway. She's happy for them.)

I want her and Mal to run away. Maybe they fake her death, maybe she just leaves. Either way, they don't go back to Keramzin. (That would require them to confront exactly how messed up their childhood had been.) Instead, I want Zoya to suggest something that the Little Palace desperately needs - something she knows the pair of them would be good at.

I want them to start a new orphanage, on the outskirts of Os Alta, for Grisha orphans. The Little Palace simply isn't equipped to handle children who aren't being raised into soldiers, and most Grisha children stay at home now, unless they or their parents want them to learn control over their powers. Grisha orphans, on the other hand, have nowhere to go but the Little Palace - so Zoya and Genya work on creating a school, and the orphans Mal and Alina are raising go there to study every day, then come back home to the orphanage. I want Alina to start using her powers again. Slowly at first - creating little balls of light that she plays with when she's alone. Then I want her to remember how much she loves using her powers, how much joy and euphoria it brings her. I want her to become happy and confident in her powers again, and return to full health. (She won't ever be completely comfortable with the shadow powers she got from the Darkling, but one day she uses them with the kids - making shadow pictures on the wall one evening, and she realises that even with his powers, she can do good. She can make them her own.)

I want the news to spread about this. Do people know that it's the Sun Summoner running the orphanage? Maybe, maybe not. Whether or not they know, the orphanage gets more and more well-known. Otkazat'sya parents decide to send their children there so they can study at the Little Palace. After all, they've heard of the couple that owns it, and they seem trustworthy enough. I want Mal and Alina to recruit a team of Fabrikators to help them build an extension onto the building so there's enough room for all the new arrivals.

I want adult Grisha - rogue Grisha, many of them - to stop at the orphanage if they're in need. Whether they've been injured or fallen ill, they ran out of food, they just need a place to sleep for the night - they come to the orphanage. They know it's safe. Some of them have no home to go back to once they leave. I want Mal and Alina to offer them a permanent place to stay at the orphanage. Almost everybody accepts the offer. Many of them find they have something they can teach the kids - whether that's a special trick you can do with specific Grisha powers, or something else (a dish they love to cook, a sport they played as a child, their favourite place to shop in Os Alta) - the children learn eagerly from each new arrival.

And I want Alina to realise, after a few years, that the orphanage has become a sanctuary for Grisha of all ages. I want her to wonder briefly if that makes her like the Darkling. He'd wanted to create a sanctuary for Grisha. Then I want her to look around at the happy children, at the older Grisha entertaining the younger kids, and realise that she succeeded where he had failed. She and Mal have created a safe place where Grisha aren't being thrown into battle. Sure, some of the children from the orphanage grow up and join the integrated army (the First and Second Armies have been combined into one army. Ravka is stronger together, and that's reflected by the army defending it) - but nobody is ever forced into military service.

I want her to know that, without even meaning to, she has become not only the Darkling's equal, but she has become better than him. She has made the country safer for Grisha. Not him. Her and Mal. She and Mal changed the world. (Again.)

[normal-thoughts-official]

im so disappointed with both mal and nia's reunions. neither of them even seemed particularly emotional to see mc again and after the reunion with tyril it feels even more underwhelming. im glad it seems that imtura stans will get to eat at least but i have NOT waited this long to see my man for such a lukewarm reunion. where is my breakdown

[yourqueenb]

Thank you for your answer, and thank you for putting so much thought into that 💞💞💞 mal and nia are my main LIs and at first I was really glad that at least two members of the party stayed with each other and mb even got closer but I can see how it would be annoying and/or sad for people who romance one of them exclusively. I think that I mostly just want to see eeal bonds between our party bc idk it just feels a bit hollow? In the first book they were just thrown together by chance but a whole year has passed and without MC there to hold them together it just shows how much less there is with exception of some banter and general sympathy towards one another. I also think that excluding Threep and other non-romancable characters from the main friend group makes most of the dynamic in choices hollow bc lmao all these people are here to try and fuck us and no one cares about each other beyond that. I don't really like TRR or TF but I feel like friendship was so much richer in previous books, like those two series, OH and TE - and in PM they managed to create a poly route where I could feel solid platonic bonds between people other than MC and LIs (Sloane and Hayden, Steve and Hayden or Damien and Nadia). Or mb I'm just a bit underwhelmed with the current plot course in blades lmao (sorry for rambling around the same three thoughts I just can't seem to gather my thoughts on this whole thing together 🫡)

I’m so sorry, I meant to respond to this sooner. But no, I completely get what you’re saying! You made some good points.

Even though all of these characters were kind of thrown together in book 1, personally I did feel like they were more like a family by the end of it. And I think that’s one of the reasons why everyone loved Blades so much. However, I do understand why the bonds aren’t as tight in this book. It makes sense for there to be some distance between everyone after what happened to MC and the apparent strife it caused. But I feel like they haven’t done enough to fully bring the group back together again and reform those poignant emotional bonds.

As you basically said with the exception of some banter and general sympathy towards one another, pretty much all of the focus is on each member’s relationship with MC alone. And even those relationships are very one sided with each person relying on MC for support, but not giving much in return. When the main cast is tied together by genuine relationships with each other rather than simply all waiting for their turns in MC’s bed, it’s really great to see and makes for a better book overall. That’s why the Pend Pals are still my personal favorite friend group to this day.

I will say that I actually don’t feel like the relationship dynamics in Blades specifically are hollow because everyone’s trying to sleep with MC though. And maybe that’s because I’m only romancing Mal (and flirting with Aerin on the side). But yeah, I think it’s because the writers have really been ignoring the opportunities to capitalize off of emotional beats (which I’ve said a few times before) rather than the characters just not having more to their relationships at all

[thebirdandhersong]

sometimes it is weirdly cathartic to watch a woman go insane on the screen/page/stage. I get that. Expression of our negative emotions so openly and unashamedly portrayed, which we are not allowed to/ought not to/were raised not to express in such a way in public or whatever. It can feel like some sort of release to see that. However. Watching Alina go from punching Nikolai in the face for lying to her to straight up murdering a crazy lady high on magical people drugs with the very same power that the Darkling used was so disconcerting that I leaned away from the screen.

[gremlinshipper]

Trying to pace myself as I watch season 2 of shadow and bone but going absolutely feral for all the decisions the writers made

[glitter50000]

Some fans just don’t want to see Mal (and I mean just Mal not Mal And Alina: the pair) happy I guess

[lingeringscars]

I am a soldier. I am the sun summoner. And I'm the only chance you have.

[storyofmychoices]

I fixed it for you and them (and me) 😘

—————

They were all tucked in. Stories read, teeth brushed, stuffed animals found and snuggled in with them. Blankets pulled up around chins and the house was blessedly quiet.

She plopped down on the couch set in front of the fire and propped her tired feet up on the coffee table. She sighed as she closed her eyes and smiled. She was exhausted but happy. So very happy.

Her smiled lengthened as she felt him settle in beside her with a kiss to her cheek before she heard the telltale pop of a cork.

“What is this?” she asked as he handed her a glass and settled back against her.

“The finest bottle of wine a man can steal,” he smirked and clinked their glasses together.

“So Maiele sent it,” she gave him a pointed look with a knowing smile.

“No,” he said incredulously.

She raised her eyebrow at him.

“He let me steal it,” Mal smirked and raised his glass to her.

“Ah, he let you steal it.”

She giggled at his grin before he turn serious.

“Daenarya, things may not have turned out exactly how we planned. We may not have run away after saving the world but we are still able to disappear amongst the chaos of all those crazy kids.”

“And steal the best wine,” she interjected.

“And steal the heart of the best girl anyone could ask for. Thank you for running away with me on this crazy adventure. Here’s to you and me. Always.”

sdkljflj THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!! 😍😍😍😭😭😭😭

They were all tucked in. Stories read, teeth brushed, stuffed animals found and snuggled in with them. Blankets pulled up around chins and the house was blessedly quiet.

This is their happy! That is all they want. They can help save the realm by saving the future.

“The finest bottle of wine a man can steal,” he smirked and clinked their glasses together. “So Maiele sent it,” she gave him a pointed look with a knowing smile.

heheh I love them so much!

“He let me steal it,” Mal smirked and raised his glass to her. “Ah, he let you steal it.”

Gahhh why are they the best!!! Maiele is the best!!! Letting Mal "steal" the wine hehe they're so cute! I just love these two families together so so much! They are the very best!

“Daenarya, things may not have turned out exactly how we planned. We may not have run away after saving the world but we are still able to disappear amongst the chaos of all those crazy kids.”

But somehow this is so much better! And something tells me they'll find plenty of ways to sneak away without running away. They'll be hide and seek champions 😏

“And steal the heart of the best girl anyone could ask for. Thank you for running away with me on this crazy adventure. Here’s to you and me. Always.”

🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭

I love him and this and them and you!!!

gahh this is so much better than anything we've been getting, especially for Mal.

This is the life he deserves and one I think he'd do so well in. Those kids adore him! And he adores them! Mal would NEVER turn his back on them, because he knows what its like to have people turn their back on him and he would never. Those children became his priority. Yes, he'd leave to save the realm but he'd be thinking about them every day!

Thank you for this! It is the loveliest surprise and it is so so perfect for them! I love it and you so so much! 💖💖💖💖

[pearlsdiamondsandvodka]

I’ll be honest with you gang, if I waited for blades 2 for three years and I can’t even be poly I’ll riot !!

[tinygamertris]

Jude can take it, for the most part. If you're not pureblood Garlean in the legions, or even worse a conscript fighting their way up through the Medicus ranks, then taking harsh criticism day in and day out is pretty much par for the course.

Just don't get into his sex life or insult his friends, then he explodes like the Agrias when Midgardsomr rose.

4/28/24

How does your wol(oc) handle harsh criticism?

[siriuslyobsessedwithfiction]

Alina Starkov - the most inconsistent main character. A tragedy of not wanting to have an identity.

The main character in Shadow and Bone trilogy, a prime example of "she deserved better". A.k.a. soldier, Sun Summoner, Sun Saint. In reality, a false saint and a false hero, who has less personality, goals, spine and consistency than her three love interests. How did this happen? Short answer - bad writing. Long answer? Here we go.

Her character at the beginning - a blank slate.

Physically small and weak, sickly, fragile, with a sour face and sourer attitude. Grew up in an orphanage funded by a Duke, who they were taught to basically worship while looking down on religion and beliefs in saints. Children in the orphanage were beaten if they misbehaved or didn't do chores, but were given education and fine food, which means they were faring better than peasants and farmers. Alina had not many, but several options in her life. She could learn a trade that would not require physical labour, like sewing. Or, she could marry and hope her husband was gracious enough to buy a donkey instead of making her carry heavy sacks of salt on her back, as we see a random man do to his wife. But Alina had no hobbies, interests, aspirations or ambitions in her life. Except her childhood friend Mal. Mal gets a mandatory draft in the First Army, and of course Alina follows, and settles for being a mediocre cartographer. Mal thrives in the army, showing off muscles and hooking up with women, while Alina dutifully waits for him saints know why. She doesn't have other genuine friends, she doesn't like people, she doesn't like anything. This is not a bad start in a sense that there is much room for growth and improvement.

Refusing to belong

Alina discovers she's a long awaited sun summoner, who can vanquish the Fold and unite Ravka. She doesn't want to be special, but not for the reasons you might think. Instead of fearing the burden of such an important task or genuinely becoming paranoid of being assassinated (she gets over those in five minutes), she just...doesn't want the responsibility of actually being useful for something. She'd rather not have powers at all, and go back to being in a constantly sickly state. She'd rather be tailing Mal like a mouse. Which doesn't make any sense for following reasons:

Alina's insecurities in SaB:

Not being pretty and talented

2. Not being as pretty and talented as Grisha

3. Being an orphan, being unwanted.

Being a Grisha actually solves all those problems for her. She gets prettier and healthier once she stops repressing her powers, has a unique cool power, and a community that cares for her. Plus, the support from important figures in Ravka. In time, she could have a family.

Instead, she refuses to acknowledge she's one of them, doesn't train properly, preferring to cling to her prejudices and make digs at Grisha. She'd rather complain that they're prettier, confident and pampered than acknowledge they are serfs, nothing but glorified servants with no basic human rights. Instead of her superstitions and prejudices being shattered when she starts living with them and realizing what Grisha have to go through, becoming rightfully enraged that her people are being treated this way, she still doesn't feel any empathy. In fact, she still doesn't see the General as a HUMAN BEING WHO MIGHT HAVE FEELINGS, even though he makes time in his busy schedule of running an army to make sure she's comfortable, jokes along with her, listens to her fears and reassures her, etc. Why would he go through the trouble if he was heartless? He's the General of the Second Army, by the King's law, she's his soldier. She is obligated to obey him regardless.

The narrative supports her delusions.

I get missing her friend, I get struggling to adjust, but it's more than that. Alina is getting dragged along from a plot point to a plot point kicking and screaming, as if she has anything better to do. She doesn't have a life, why is she so against of getting one? Once she finally somewhat adjusts to her life in the Little Palace, it turns out Darkling has had malicious intents towards her powers all along! Aha, you were right to be prejudiced, Alina! Now abandon your people, your country, and run!

“He … he said that Darklings are born without souls. That only something truly evil could have created the Shadow Fold.”

Imagine telling a person who saved your life that he was a soulless abomination, even though you do not know him, and he is still kind to you and reveals as much about him as he can. There is no grooming and manipulation here, it's just called not being a bitch. Darkling tells Alina he's over 120 years old, Alina is an adult, and the damned kiss was consensual. Of course he didn't tell her everything. Even regular people don't reveal their life-long ambitions and deepest childhood trauma to their crush after several conversations. It took Alina months to stop being in denial about being a Grisha, still didn't like being one, you're telling me if Darkling set her down and explained the complex political situation and his plan to overthrow the corrupt monarchy and bring an end to the war, Alina wouldn't jump out of the window?

Alina running away, not confronting the problem, and straight up deciding Darkling was evil incarnate with no evidence snowballed into Darkling deciding she couldn't be trusted and taking more drastic measures. Liberation of his people was on the line and one pesky girl screwed up a carefully planned coup because she couldn't handle her feelings.

False badassery

Throughout the whole three books, every time Alina makes a decision, it's immediately followed by self-doubt, shame and scorn. But no actual objective criticism. We often see variations of "It was foolish, but I didn't care", "I knew it was reckless but I couldn't bring myself to care", but never her actually analyzing why, or deciding not to do something like that again. Her small victories are immediately followed by thoughts on how would others feel about it, even though the person in question isn't even there and couldn't give less of a shit: "Never is it to be said that Ana Kuya didn't teach us manners", "A cheap trick, but a good one. Nikolai would be proud". Ana Kuya was an abusive mother figure, Nikolai was using Alina's status to get the throne. Sure, it's good that Alina is capable of learning useful things from every kinds of people, but she doesn't think "That was smart of me. I learnt that. I'm proud of myself for an accomplishment". She thinks "Is it good? Would they like it? They like things like that, right?". She attaches herself to people that fit her view of "deserving" and helps them, even though it might not be for the best. Extreme lack of self-worth, combined with entitlement.

When Alina hears a rumour Darkling ordered his heartrenders to sew a traitor's mouth shut, she's horrified. Even though that's hardly the worst punishment for a traitor in an army. But when some pilgrims insult Genya, she orders to have their tongues cut out after they're given only one warning. When Alina commits violence at slightest provocation, it's baddass. But when Darkling commits a controlled necessary military act to stop enemies from overrunning the country, it's madness and is falsely labeled genocide. Look up the definition, genocide is what was happening to Grisha.

The Darkling never kidnapped children and put them in the war zone. He only lied to Alina that he did, a clever strategy with no bloodshed. Meanwhile, Alina let her cult fight for her, whose members were brainwashed children, some only twelve years old.

When Alina faces a dilemma or a tense military situation, her go-to strategy is suicide. That is not martyrdom, nor it is badass.

Darkling became a bad person out of good intentions and desperation, Alina is just a bad selfish person.

Desperate people are the ones capable of the worst acts. Darkling didn't go nearly as crazy as he could, and frankly had a right to on behalf of his people.

"Aleksander had marched south with the king’s soldiers, and when they’d faced the Shu in the field, he’d unleashed darkness upon their opponents, blinding them where they stood. Ravka’s forces had won the day. But when Yevgeni had offered Aleksander his reward, he had refused the king’s gold. “There are others like me, Grisha, living in hiding. Give me leave to offer them sanctuary here and I will build you an army the likes of which the world has never seen.”

It doesn't matter how much genocide, prejudice, abuse and dehumanization the Grisha suffered through for centuries all around the world, Alina never bothers to look at the big picture. Her help is only for those who she deems worthy of it.

She attaches herself to people who fit her narrow-minded view of "worthy". She immediately believes Baghra's rather flimsy expose of Darkling, even though the old woman has been nothing but unhelpful to her, only insulting her and beating her. But Alina associates her with her only mother figure, Ana Kuya, another old hag she had a toxic relationship with. And even though Baghra is an immensely powerful Grisha who refuses to help or even lift a finger, or just spit out vital information, Alina coddles her and provides protection. Instead of telling her to fess up the useful information and save her unhelpful comments, Alina looks up to her as a mentor.

When Genya tells her story, Alina feels bad for her, but not bad enough to see things her perspective. She only becomes protective of Genya once she gets mutilated, out of pity. If it was genuine compassion, she would've forgiven and understood her from the start.

Every Grisha has been hunted and shamed for merely existing, almost every Grisha has lost a loved one to war. But Alina pointedly ignores it, because she doesn't personally know and care for those people. Therefore, she doesn't feel empathetic. Because if she feels empathetic, she might start feeling guilty about how she runs away from her responsibilities at every given opportunity. Just look at this passage:

“You know what he plans to do, Ivan.” “He plans to bring us peace.” “At what price?” I asked desperately. “You know this is madness.” “Did you know I had two brothers?” Ivan asked abruptly. The familiar smirk was gone from his handsome face. “Of course not. They weren’t born Grisha. They were soldiers, and they both died fighting the King’s wars. So did my father. So did my uncle.” “I’m sorry.” “Yes, everyone is sorry. The King is sorry. The Queen is sorry. I’m sorry. But only the Darkling will do something about it.”

The Darkling never wanted power for selfish reasons. He didn't want to take over other countries or lift Grisha above regular people. He wanted his kind to have basic human rights. Centuries of diplomacy and servitude only gave him enough power to make a school for Grisha children and save adults from slavery and getting slaughtered by serving nobles. He wanted to use the Fold as a border, to stop enemies from invading whenever they pleased, so he would have the time to save Ravka from collapsing. What has Alina done? Started a civil war, destroyed the Second army and helped put a morally dubious man with no claim on the throne to continue an outdated absolute monarchy tradition.

Alina Starkov was meant to be the sun, but turned out to be a trick of the light.

Every time it felt like Alina was emerging from her cocoon as a beautiful butterfly, embracing her true self, she went back to the toxic situationship and the toxic mindset. The narrative also always struck her down. Every book begins and ends with her being sickly, fragile, missing an essential part of herself. It would be good if it was written differently and showed themes of being disabled or having a chronic illness accurately, but it's not. It started out well. Alina was removed from an abusive environment, found a purpose in life, started loving her newfound powers, outgrew the stupid crush who she was way too dependent on, but it all went downhill from there. And then some. This constant vicious cycle does not fit the theme of growth and improvement, and neither does the ending, where Alina loses her powers and goes back to the orphanage. Once again, she's frail and strange, servants (who she now employs) don't respect her, sneer and make fun of her, while her now husband Mal turns a blind eye. Everything is back to the way it was: Mal thrives, Alina is...there. The ending is supposed to be bittersweet, a couple who survived a war building a new life together, but I don't see the sweet part.

Trick of the light - definition: something appearing different from what actually is as a result of the quality of light.

Darkling wanted her to be a strong Grisha, his equal and balance. Grisha wanted her to be a capable leader, Bataar twins wanted a living saint they could worship, Nikolai wanted a wife interested in Ravka and politics. Alina tried to be all of that, but never really wanted to be any of those, so she half-assed it. Mal wanted the version of Alina who was small and insignificant, because anything more made him insecure, and he got his wish.

Illusion, mirage, spectre.

No matter how much the author tries to tell us that Alina's every problem is Darkling's fault, her thought process and actions paint a different picture. Alina was never mentally healthy and she never addressed or resolved her problems. Growing up in a controlled and abusive environment affected her more than anyone, including herself, wants to admit. I am not a licensed psychiatrist, so I will refrain from officially diagnosing Alina, even though she's a fictional character. I am NOT saying I know for certain that Alina has these, if any, mental problems, but she does have some alarming symptoms. It seems like depersonalization. While her symptoms don't fit into one particular mental disorder, I am reminded of psychiatric infantilism, but it is not a mental illness with symptoms. Psychiatric infantilism doesn't necessarily mean the person acts outwardly childishly. To explain very roughly and simply, it means the psych is not as developed as it should be (even if the person is very smart and clever). It shows in avoiding responsibility or not feeling it at all, problems with social connections, not seeing the big picture and taking it seriously, etc. When Harshaw tells the story of his brother getting brutally murdered by people who hate Grisha, even brash Zoya is appalled and expresses her condolences. While all Alina thinks about is that Harshaw might base his hope of having a better life on her now.

Alina also might have Dependent Personality Disorder, but it's hard to say, since we are never shown her being on her own long enough to see whether or not she can take actually care of herself. But her relationship with Mal, Darkling and Baghra (after she no longer objectively needs them) is weird, to say the least.

She never gains the sense of self or an identity, she refuses to become something, then delivers an inner monologue of accepting her fate and five minutes later goes back on her words. Her willingness to sacrifice her life is never out of thinking of the greater good and future, justice, or patriotism. She just doesn't want to live, especially without Mal, who has been doing nothing but shitting on her. Her titles are slapped on her, and she peels them off. Her personality never really changes. Everything she went through feels like a really bad exchange program she was in for a year, and from which she has learnt nothing.

P.S. I don't hate Alina's character, I just mourn her lost potential.

If you have made it to the end, I salute you, congratulations and thank you. 😊 🙏 ❤️

[kolarpem]

Morning Doodle: A little sketch of Mal babysitting the kids at the orphanage while Alina is out. I imagine these two in particular are troublemakers.

[yourqueenb]

Same, I’ve seen a lot of people comparing Blades to ES. And I can totally see the writers going the route of MC having to die or sacrifice herself again. But I’m telling y’all rn if we get the choice, I will literally doom the whole world instead of having my MC die. I did it in ES because I didn’t like that option then. And I definitely won’t like that option now if it comes to it so 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'm gonna be so pissed if MC dies.