#’oh this reunion scene hits harder if you romance-‘

[pearlsdiamondsandvodka]

I’ll be honest with you gang, if I waited for blades 2 for three years and I can’t even be poly I’ll riot !!

[erazonpo3]

WOWM

so What Once Was Mine came out and I read it.

My General Thoughts are that this book was something of a rollercoaster but in like a pop up carnival with dubious safety regulations and diseases in the DIY log flume water kind of way. I had some fun reading it but I also feel like I picked up a rash.

If you're like me and you enjoy picking a book apart for morsels of interesting concepts then you might enjoy it, if you think holy shit why the fuck is a literal real historical serial killer in this book I need to see this then you might enjoy it, if you care about engaging plots and character beats then you probably won't.

If you want to ask me anything specific go ahead, but otherwise for more in depth thoughts: spoilers ahead

Basic Summary of the Plot

Okay so here's the deal. The story has the framing device of two siblings in a cancer ward, where one tells the other a story. I'll get into that later, but that's how it starts. Our actual story starts with a pretty long prologue: We learn that the King & Queen got the Moonflower thinking it was the Sunflower, Rapunzel was born with silver hair, and then baby Rapunzel kills a maid who accidentally hurt her when brushing her hair.

Oh, by the way, Max is a human man named Justin Tregsburg. Yeah.

Anyway, the royal family puts out feelers for legit witches who can safely take care of Rapunzel because the baby is too dangerous, and Gothel shows up to take her away. Queen Arianna visits Rapunzel once (but is only allowed to watch through a peephole) and decides watching another woman raise her child is too painful and throws herself into restoring the kingdom's orphanages instead.

Now we're in the present. Rapunzel is nineteen and she wants to go and see the lanterns (a mourning tradition of the Dead princess in this story). She tries to argue with Gothel but gets shut down, and Gothel makes her kill a chicken to prove the point that she can't go outside because she's too dangerous. However we as the audience already know Gothel plans to sell Rapunzel off as a bride or a servant or a weapon to some other nobles, because she's evil.

Also by the way Gothel still has access to our Sundrop Flower and is using it to live forever that's just a thing that happens in the background.

When Gothel is gone Rapunzel watches as a man (Flynn) stores a satchel in a tree outside of her tower, and that motivates her to leave the tower for the first time. Then she goes back inside the tower with her prize of a crown, and a skink she found and named Pascal. Rapunezl and Gothel have another spat, and Rapunzel decides she will run off to see the lanterns and she will find Flynn and make him her guide.

She ends up at the Snuggly Duckling and she doesn't find Flynn but she does find Gina, a young career criminal girl looking to break the glass ceiling. Gina agrees to help her find Flynn. They find Flynn, and he agrees to help guide Rapunzel to see the floating lanterns for a split reward of the crown with Gina.

The Snuggly Duckling gets burned down by Countess Bathory (yes that Elizabeth Bathory) and the Pub Thugs are pissed about it and also they're helping Rapunzel even though she didn't sing the I've Got A Dream song don't worry about it. We learn that the nobles that wanted to buy Rapunzel are now hunting her down so she can go to auction.

Gina takes them to her adopted mother's cottage. Gina's mother is a white witch, who goes by the name of Goodwife. She doesn't get an actual name she's just The Goodwife. Anyhow, the cottage is a magic safe space (for now) and Goodwife teaches Rapunzel that her hair isn't inherently evil and may not even be all that deadly! Rapunzel learns that her hair has other powers too, like the ability to turn skink Pascal into a sentient Chameleon. Yeah.

Also Goodwife tells Rapunzel she's the dead princess but this isn't like, an immediate call to action. Not a lot happens until we get this story's version of the Mother Knows Best Reprise where Gothel finds Rapunzel again but has to flee, but this Rapunzel has a bigger support network and isn't buying it. Flynn and Gina decide the safest course of action is to bring Rapunzel to the castle, but along the way she gets kidnapped by the Countess.

Gothel is pissed because she still wants the money for Rapunzel, so she rallies the armies of all the opposing bidders. Flynn and Gina convince Max the Man to send for his troops, and he joins them in going to the enemy castle. Flynn tries to sneak in, gets caught, and meanwhile there's a bloody battle out the front between the noble armies. Max jumps into the fray, Gina turns around and rallies the Pub Thugs.

Rapunzel uses her shrinking magic (!) to disappear half the castle and escape with Eugene, and the Pub Thugs arrive and basically end the battle. The Captain is dying but it's okay! Rapunzel turns him into a horse :) Also Rapunzel sees Gothel and tells her to fuck off.

The story ends with a tearful reunion between Rapunzel and her parents, Eugene and Gina are implied to be biological siblings, and things are good but of course in direct parallel to Cass Gina leaves at the end to become an adventurer. The end.

(There are a few other smaller plot beats, but you get the idea.)

MY THOTS

So here are my thoughts™.

Framing Device

I'll just state that I didn't like that the story was told via the vehicle of an older brother telling his 16 year old sister a different version of the Tangled Movie in a cancer ward. From what I've heard it also isn't normal for the Twisted Tales series to use a framing device for the AUs either.

I sympathise with the author's personal story, of course I do. That doesn't mean I'm stirred with compassion every time the flow of the story is interrupted to remind you to be sad because this is a story being told to a girl sick with cancer. It feels more than a little tragedy-porny rather than emotionally touching, and maybe that's because I'm too burnt out on real life tragedy to waste emotional energy on fictional cancer patients but we don't need to do Fault In Our Stars discourse again.

Real World References

This story goes heavy with Real World references. And another issue with the framing device as above is that you do feel like this is a story being told by someone namedropping every historical figure they know which makes it harder to get into the story.

There's like... a lot of references to Christianity, particularly in the prologue. There's a priest that thinks Rapunzel's hair is the work of the Devil or whatever. It's a lot. The Patriarchy is a thing. And that's not even getting into the Countess. I put it very succinctly in my notes so I'll paste it here:

I wish she’d just been an OC who could exist to chew scenery because the fact that she was a literal historical serial killer is super. Off putting. Like, she could have been an obvious reference to Bathory, but it feels like Miku Binder Hamilton levels of uncomfortable to me.

I miss Lady D.

Which basically sums up my problem with trying to take the setting of Tangled and put it somewhere in the Real World and somewhere on the Timeline. Who thought this was a good idea.

Misc. Thoughts

So, I used the five highlighter colours my ipad allows to organise my thoughts and organised them accordingly: Yellow for out of place IRL references, Blue for worldbuilding/character points that aren't plot relevant but still interesting, Pink for when something I find personally amusing happens, Purple for when the story feels like it's trying to 1-up the movie in some kind of way and Green for Heterosexual Nonsense. I'll touch on those last two in the Character sections but be prepared.

Also: for a book about giving Rapunzel killer hair, her hair isn't very dangerous. I wanted to see Rapunzel kill someone, and I'm disappointed that I didn't.

Characters

I'll do a deep dive into my thoughts about the characters before wrapping it up. I'm starting with Gina because she's honestly the easiest to get through.

Gina

Gina is a new character introduced for the story. She's a young woman trying to make it as a career criminal but keeps hitting that glass ceiling. So here's the down low, for all those who want to know: Gina is basically Cass, only not really. She's implied to be Eugene's biological sister, as previously mentioned, but you can imagine she's Cass the entire way through without breaking your immersion because if you imagined Cass if she were adopted by a Goodwitch rather than the Captain and had a looser, more wilderness survivor than trainee guard upbringing then you get Gina.

I liked Gina! I think she's fun as her own character too, and her best moments are when she's interacting with her mother Goody Goodwife, and she of course picks up a natural sibling rivalry with Eugene, but I was disappointed with how little she really bonded with Rapunzel because she needed to make room for Eugene and Rapunzel's romance.

Rapunzel

Okay, here's our protagonist. There's a notable effort to make Rapunzel more active in her destiny and whatever, and sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn't. I was worried they'd try to go full butt-kicking girlboss with her but I was pleasantly surprised that Rapunzel was pretty useless in most scenes, genuinely love to see it.

With a more intimate look into Rapunzel's psyche through the medium of prose, we see Rapunzel really questioning Gothel's behaviour even before she leaves the tower, and while I appreciate that she can develop her own cynicism I feel it starts unnecessarily early. This is my purple colour; the movie needs to be "fixed" by showing the readers that this Rapunzel is quicker to distrust Gothel. She's also quicker to hatch a plan to go outside of the tower on her own, and she makes a plan to make Flynn her guide for the lanterns even though he never stumbles upon her in the tower- and even though she has a perfectly rational reason not to trust him which is that he is a stranger and a Wanted Thief.

In the moments where it does work is when Rapunzel is surrounded by her new support network: Flynn, Goodwife and Gina, who encourage her to question Gothel's sincerity, and Rapunzel comes up with her own defences for Gothel so that she can poke through them herself.

I have some other thoughts about Rapunzel's hair and her powers, like how the story provides the interesting concept that her hair gets different powers with the different phases of the moon, but a lot of the powers are uhhh stupid and also I feel like it really robs the story of the whole gripping conflict of "Yes I'm Rapunzel Yes my hair kills people what of it".

In as far as just Rapunzel herself though, she still felt pretty in character nonetheless, and maybe that's all I can ask.

Flynn Rider / Eugene Fitzherbert

My boy I am so sorry. They neutered my boy.

Long story short: Eugene in this story is the sexy lamp. He contributes nothing to the plot except to be there for Rapunzel to drool over. And of course because he won't get any character development, he starts from the very beginning as a sweet soft boi with none of the Flynn Rider characterisation from the movie because we don't have time for that, he needs to be husband material stat.

His whole character is the colour green for Heterosexual Nonsense.

So, here's the problem. In the movie, there's not a lot of time for ~friendship~ between Rapunzel and Eugene because they kind of immediately see each other as a romantic prospect. And whatever, it's a movie and there's only so much time. But this book had the opportunity to take things a bit slower and instead chooses to make Rapunzel get jealous whenever Eugene and Gina interact and for her to be constantly wishing he was holding her hand.

Say what you will about Lost Lagoon, but it tells a good romance story just by virtue of not intending to be a romance story, because the author is trying to convey a strong bond between Rapunzel and Cassandra without using "and they kiss" as a cheatcode. What Once Was Mine says "he was a boy, she was a girl, could it be any more obvious?" and leaves it at that.

Now as for how this all pertains to Eugene's character? Well, it just robs him of any flavour. In the movie there's a clear distinction between Flynn and Eugene, when we learn Eugene's real name about halfway through. We see a clear difference between the Flynn we knew- kind of an asshole, wanated to drop Rapunzel off at the Snuggly Duckling and get rid of her- and Eugene, who is sincere and chooses Rapunzel as his New Dream in opposition to his Old Dream of living alone on an island with a bunch of money.

This version of Eugene is basically Eugene all the way through, because the plot doesn't really need Eugene there but he has to be there because it's a Tangled AU so there's no Rapunzel rescuing Flynn from the guards and healing his hand scene, he just loves her immediately and that's that. They have a little spat at one point but it's cleared up later and not because they actually communicate but because they kiss.

Rapunzel only learns Eugene's real name at the very end of the story, and gives a speech about how Eugene is the real him, but it's just so flat because 'Flynn' has been sincere this whole time? Anyway he does nothing of value for the entire story except be there for Rapunzel to lust after. Eugene I'm so sorry.

Gothel

Gothel's sort of the Big Bad and is characterised as an abusive asshole, the usual. I wish there were a bit more nuance to her character but then again in this story she's not just being passively evil- taking care of Rapunzel for selfish reasons but nevertheless maintaining the status quo- she's being actively evil in trying to sell Rapunzel off.

It's notably funny that Gothel sees the Countess Bathory and is like "what the fuck".

Anyway Gothel in this story also feels very weak in part because this Rapunzel is more critical and in part because this Rapunzel has a new support network. It's for that reason the Mother Knows Best Reprise scene doesn't really work, because the original has Gothel pit Rapunzel against Eugene, whereas she can't do that here so it remains a Gothel vs Rapunzel thing.

She gets a boring death as an epilogue addendum that someone rips out the Sundrop flower, which tbh? lame. It would be a lot more fun if it were open ended but I am also preferential to Rapunzel actually using her killer hair to kill someone. Please

Captain Justin Tregsburg

It's Max. He was a human but then he got turned into a horse. what the fuck you guys

[crimsonandcloverwrites]

bhah ch3 reread u know the drill

what is Jamie doing with all this oil I am concerned

god the tension of knowing Jamie is there but not talking to her but Dani probably secretly hoping she will

aww is she picking up more wonder woman comics for mikey?? cute

gah I love that they slip back into playful banter so easily despite everything going on

also 10/10 that the gays in town would be trying on the tackiest sunglasses in the service station (and 12/10 that Jamie actually brought them)

Dani Carson car adventures!! i would read a whole 20k word chapter just on that

sdfkjdshjfhd Dani throwing herself to the ground when she sees Jamie in the supermarket I’m losing it

“Yeah and then she left” ouch

THREE GAYS IN A SUPERMARKET WHAT WILL HAPPEN

aww Jamie Carson reunion tooooo cute

oh my god the tension of them standing back to back trying not to touch lmao

Jamie rly is the teeniest in town huh

Dani getting all protective and mad over Mikey having to sit outside school is v sweet

Jamie to the rescue how cute

Jamie’s collarbone: hello. Dani’s gay panic: LOOK AWAY

also sdkjfhdkjhg Jamie working w her hands is so hot we need more fics just talking about her getting dirty. for the good of the nation

there is so much going on here the cute teasing Dani feeling all weird abt their whole dynamic jamie giving her looks the engagement ring I am not equipped to process all of it

“you think there are secrets in this town?” just ur burning love for each other ladies!

once again mechanic!jamie... i am compromised

aww Dani bby literally does not know what to do with herself. the juxtaposition of the depth of their relationship and the little moments of familiarity with the awkwardness of people who don’t really know each other properly anymore is so fucking well done here

Eddie’s “honey I’m home” moment carrying her over the threshold afkjhsdkjf good for him

Dani and this house got beef huh

Dani: sometimes things with Eddie just don’t feel right but I’m sure that’s fine. Dani when she loses a tiny piece of her relationship w Jamie: level 5 meltdown. Literally the theme of this fic is “honey you got a big storm comin” and I love it

this dig at pineapple on pizza........ offensive

“Instead, she reset her mask, pulled the rope to part the stage curtains, and tied the other end around her neck.” Jesus.

“the other part of Dani, the part that never knew how to stop missing Jamie” i will cryyyy

starting a gofundme for Dani’s car asap

Eddie putting the moves on I can’t look. but lmao when he finds a girl that’s actually into him and wants this kind of attention his whole world is gonne be rocked

can we get Dani some therapy pls this is not how u should feel abt the person ur gonna marry. or about yourself

*gasp* the wontons mixtape

hmmmm I’m Not in Love and A Case Of You really are a one-two punch huh

lol I just went to play them and I was apparently in the middle of listening to Stop Making This Hurt by The Bleachers which feels... apt

fuck. making a mixtape for someone truly is peak romance huh? music my beloved

hmmm i just realised that this timeline parallels the flashback chapters w a new Taylor in school in each how cool. and also Nan vs Jamie taking on responsibilities w these kids and stepping up for them in their own way pls my emotions

aahh the coffee date I kinda forgot how fast Dani made this relationship rekindle bless her

wait clara and horace does that mean abigail is in Dani’s class too??? she lives??

a reserved sign pls that’s so cute

OWEN! god I love the levity and banter w Jamie he brings to fics

there is just so much fondness between them it always shines through no matter what they’re talking about I love it

this backpacking chat... envisioning Dani n Jamie once Mikey is grown up going on a big tour of europe together n fufilling Dani’s dreams

the fact that Jamie was drawn back to this place... by what hmmmm ms taylor. by what

oof this really is a painful rehashing of the past huh.

“star hike” lmao

"I can fix it." "You can't." OUCH

ooft just rip the bandaid right off. “I missed you. Everyday.” god my heart

arguing in an alley behind the pharmacy that’s gay rights

"Because if it was going to end, then I wanted it over quickly!” jamie ‘everyone always leaves so I cut them off before they can hurt me‘ taylor everyone. I am not doing well

ok with the context of like... everything from the future chapters this scene hits even harder than the first time i read it jesus

still can’t get over Dani ‘trying not to recall the memories of the last time they were in this room together’ was Jamie absolutely falling to pieces in her arms *screams forever* i remember reading that line and imagning so many things it could have been and yet yall went for the ultimate stab to the heart bravo

god I’m just thinking about how much they’ve both changed in those 10 years and how much they’ve stayed the same and just. god the way they’re so drawn to each other still!!!! i can’t even comprehend

blue schrunchie cherished friend

i feel like there is a significance to the red door I cant place and all my brain will provide is “you, me, her” but polyamory adventures is probably not the direction this is going

Jamie like “want a tour of ur future home babe? lets go” (I do love how enchanted Dani is by all of it though)

gah I love Jamie and Mikey together soooo much

find u a person that eats all the foods u don’t like. pickle soulmates

heh “Miss Dani” poor Mikey is goin through it lolol

they are all so cute together i love this lil sunday afternoon family

“Dani kept her gaze fixed on Jamie for just a second longer, studying her profile” gay

there has been several mentions of Jamie’s unreadable/blank expressions this chapter and I can’t stop laughing at her losing her mind over how much she loves Dani and trying to keep it in check every time

THEY’RE FRIENDS AGAIN

AND THEY’RE HUGGING OH HAPPY DAYS

oooh the sandalwood cologne

idk why this Jamie Eddie handshake is making me laugh so much but I love them

Eddie pulling Dani in closer to himself when Jamie’s there..... he knows 

staying awake until 2am to finish rereading gay fanfiction... clownery (but fun!) goodnight

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight ch 3

I have been waiting for this reunion for literal years. It did not disappoint.

Chapter 3: The Amyrlin’s Anger

Oh, we’re doing this!?

One thing I can guarantee: I am definitely not ready. Childhood friends turned childhood sweethearts turned near-siblings turned uneasy allies turned near-enemies, perhaps turned uneasy allies once more, with prophecy and opposing institutions and the apocalypse hanging over them?

I’m just. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a lot of thoughts about this whole dynamic, and I have been waiting for this… probably since they last saw each other in Lord of Chaos. Before that, even. Since they were set on their separate paths, but with this thread, strained and near at times to breaking but a thread all the same, of some kind of love between them that might, in the end, be enough to do what their predecessors could not, and face the end together.

Also their stories have been running in this fascinating not-quite-parallel for so long but they haven’t interacted in so long that I’m just! Very excited for this reunion and the pain it will no doubt bring!

I should start reading now, shouldn’t I?

Egwene floated in blackness. She was without form, lacking shape or body. The thoughts, imaginings, worries, hopes, and ideas of all the world extended into eternity around her.

The imagery of that last bit catches my attention here because it plays very close to the position Rand holds: stood at the centre, a force, or a being more than a person, touching all the world or – in Egwene’s case – all the world’s dreams. It’s just an interesting one, in amongst all the other parallels and inversions between them.

Though her feelings for Gawyn were still strong, her opinion of him was muddled recently.

Just break up with him already. Please. You’ve already once decided that actually no, I don’t want a storybook romance with the designated hero thank you very much; you can do it again.

The dreams of all the people here – some from her world, some from shadows of it – reminded her why she fought. She must never forget that there was an entire world outside the White Tower’s walls.

This is her anchor, just as Rand has now at last found his. Or, not even an anchor so much as a reason. Something to fight for, something to remember and strive for beyond the fight itself. And again this places her very much at the centre as well, looking at all the people, all the dreams, the entire world. They just each have their own ways of going about it, and their own reasons for doing so.

Time passed as she lay bathed in the light of dreams.

Just quoting this one because it’s pretty.

It’s sad to see Egwene thinking of the Wise Ones in terms of ‘dealing with’ them, but also not really surprising; there’s been a distance between them ever since she took on this role. They hid the events of Dumai’s Wells from her and she chose the Aes Sedai over them and it is, perhaps, one of the harsher aspects of the way she absolutely embraces her role, the good and the bad.

Ugh, fine, dream of Gawyn if you must.

A more simple life. It could not be hers, but she could dream…

Everything shook.

Or not. I’m just imagining this as the Pattern itself interrupting like ‘EGWENE, PLEASE. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM.’

(Yes, the Pattern speaks in all caps. No I will not be accepting constructive criticism on this point).

This pleasant dream interrupted by an emergency broadcast: thirteen black towers rising and then all but six falling. In case you weren’t keeping track of how many Forsaken were still alive, I suppose.

And then a follow-up as a reminder, I assume, that Mesaana is still in the Tower.

Unless the eagles-and-snake bit is referring to the Black Tower? Still no idea what’s going on there these days; it’s been a while and I’m very, very curious after that ominous line drop in the KoD epilogue.

She saw an enormous sphere made of the finest crystal. It sparkled in the light of twenty-three enormous stars, shining down on it where it sat on a dark hilltop. There were cracks in it, and it was being held together by ropes.

There was Rand, walking up the hillside, holding a woodsman’s axe. He reached the top and hefted the axe, then swung at the ropes one at a time, chopping them free. The last one parted, and the sphere began to break apart, the beautiful white globe falling in pieces. Rand shook his head.

Innnnnnnnnteresting.

The sphere (and its breaking) sounds – first of all a lot like the Sharom because what, you thought I’d pass up a Rhuidean reference? – like the Dark One’s prison, perhaps. With Rand cutting the ropes like breaking the seals.

Or maybe the Choedan Kal, with all the brilliant light of that enormous power, that he has now broken. Or the world itself, I suppose. I’m going with the Dark One’s prison here, probably.

But what are the twenty-three stars?

Thirteens are common, you can’t swing a cat in this series without hitting a duality, threes and sevens crop up on occasion… but what the hell numbers twenty-three? Except for the graves Bashere once had to dig for oak trees on the orders of the mad general he served, but while there may be no such thing as coincidence, that’s a bridge too far even for me.

Nations? Okay now I’m just curious if I can name them all, so… in the wetlands we have: Altara, Amadicia, Andor, Arafel, Cairhien, Far Madding, Ghealdan, Illian, Kandor, Mayene, Murandy, Saldaea, Shienar, Tar Valon, Tear. Then the Aiel, or: Chareen, Codarra, Daryne, Goshien, Jenn (?), Miagoma, Nakai, Reyn, Shaarad, Shaido (?), Shiande, Taardad, Tomanelle. Then Seanchan and Shara on the edges, the Atha’an Miere and the Tuatha’an, and the dead nations of Malkier, Manetheren, and the Amayar. The Ogier. The even-more-dead nations like Almoth and Eharon and whatnot. But even playing with the obvious ones like how to count the Aiel, or the dead nations, or the city-states, there’s not an obvious 23.

The Hall of the Tower maybe? Three Sitters from each Ajah is 21, so with Amyrlin and Keeper we’re at a much cleaner 23, and there is the whole ‘Watcher of the Seals’ element of the Amyrlin’s role, so twenty-three stars watching could make sense.

Or, hell I don’t know, maybe there are 23 verses in the Karaethon Cycle. Meh.

Well, Egwene’s focused on the Mesaana implications (rather than the Messiah implications; I crack myself up sometimes), which seems fair enough.

“He’s here, Mother. At the White Tower.”

“Who?”

“The Dragon Reborn. He’s asking to see you.”

HERE! WE! GO!

Because you know what this means? It means, once again, that we’re going to get outsider POV of Rand, after a crucial turning point in his character.

Twice. Because first, we got it via Almen Bunt, effectively a random character. We got to see a ‘first glimpse’ of Rand, as it were. But now we get to see through the eyes of one who knows him – or rather, one who knew him. One like him in some ways and so very different in others. An opposing role who once was a friend. There’s just so many potential layers there, through which to observe, and I am inordinately excited for this.

*

Though okay right as I say that we shift POV to Siuan, so I may be pre-empting this.

That said, it’s either going to be some form of outsider POV or it’s going to be Rand’s POV and either way I’m going to be on the damn floor so it’s a win-win situation here.

The Dragon Reborn? Inside Tar Valon?

I mean technically that was the goal all the way back in EotW, so you could argue that he just took a really, really long detour. Across the entire continent, a past life, and near-destruction of the world, but… details.

“He was at the Sunset Gate”

How appropriate. Is there perhaps a Wind Tower for him to climb?

“What is his game, do you think?” Saerin asked.

“Burn me if I know,” Siuan replied. “He’s bound to be mostly insane by now. Maybe he’s frightened, and has come to turn himself in.”

“I doubt that.”

“As do I.”

Harsh, Siuan. But not entirely unfounded – at least on the mostly insane part. He’s not, but first of all how would she know that and second of all, if this were a few days earlier, that would be a much harder one to argue. (For the record, my own interpretation of Rand’s sanity or lack thereof before Dragonmount is a strong vote in favour if It’s Complicated).

Of, course, then there’s the whole issue of ‘how long can you stay sane when the entire world is waiting for you to go mad’ but that is, perhaps, a moot point now.

“Maybe he heard that Elaida was gone,” Siuan said, “and thought that he would be safe here, with an old friend on the Amyrlin Seat.”

Oh no this already hurts. Honestly I think any reference to Rand and Egwene as old friends is probably going to, at this point, but also the way Siuan goes to this idea of Rand needing a place of safety. A refuge. Because in so many ways, for a very long time, she wouldn’t even have been wrong. It’s just that it wasn’t an option and there was no such place and the Dragon Reborn couldn’t afford that kind of weakness, and anyway he was never looking for safety for himself; it was keeping others safe from him that he wanted, back when he was just a shepherd boy holding himself together with determination and fragments of Warder instruction against power(s) trying to claim him from within and without.

But Siuan is remembering that boy, and I’m also remembering Rand in the early days at the Stone of Tear, trying so earnestly to let Elayne and Egwene help him with saidin, and how that, from a certain perspective, is not really so different from trying to find some safety in friends.

“Reports call him mistrustful and erratic, with a demanding temper and an insistence on avoiding Aes Sedai.”

I mean, up until – what, a day ago at most? That would be not at all inaccurate. Especially from the outside.

Really I think this whole scene with Siuan and Saerin is largely to remind us of how Rand comes across to the rest of the world. Because the thing about that Dragonmount epiphany – a crucial part of it, but one that is likely going to also result in some complications – is that it was unwitnessed. Just Rand, alone, thinking. And if the cleansing of saidin was difficult to believe by those not directly involved (and even by some of those who were), how much harder will this be, in its own way?

And just to set the scene even more ominously as far as anyone but the reader is concerned, the floor tiles are now the colour (and sheen, and probably texture, and very possibly actual chemical composition) of blood.

It is interesting to contrast the feeling of approaching this meeting to how it felt in the buildup to Rand’s meeting with Tuon last book. That was just full to the brim of impending doom, of ‘there is no possible way under the sun that this will end well’, of ‘oh no, how disastrously is this going to go?’ because at that point Rand was in freefall and the only certainty was disaster. Now, there’s a sense of lightness in approaching this meeting. I mean, I’m still quite sure it’ll hurt me, but the actual tension is different. It feels like waiting for catharsis, almost, rather than waiting for catastrophe.

So hey, maybe we just look at that meeting with Tuon as a practice run for Rand in terms of how to negotiate treaties with a woman who controls a decent part of a continent. If nothing else, it set the bar about as low as it could possibly be, so this can only be an improvement!

Siuan had harboured a small hope that she herself would be chosen [as Keeper]. Now Egwene had so many demands on her time – and was becoming so capable on her own – that she was relying on Siuan less and less.

That was a good thing. But it was also infuriating.

Oh, Siuan. Siuan’s thoughts about her position in the Tower and how it has changed are always a little sad to read. She’s so strong that it’s easy, almost, to forget just how much she’s gone through – and she can’t even just put it behind her and move on because she’s surrounded, every single day, by constant reminders of all she has lost and all that has changed. And even so, we only get these occasional moments of sadness or bitterness or frustration from her. The rest of the time she just… keeps going.

She wanted to do what she’d set out to do, all those years before with Moiraine.

It really is kind of incredible dedication to a cause. Even if ‘shepherding’ the Dragon Reborn is perhaps not really what is needed, she has paved so much of the way, and even from the sidelines has been instrumental, and this has been more or less her entire adult life. A thankless and often punishing task, one that has gone and will likely continue to go largely unacknowledged, one that has brought her hatred and suspicion and pain, and yet she does not question it, does not falter.

It's… I guess in a way it comes back to the whole idea of those who choose vs those who are chosen, but I like the way we see these characters who aren’t the Chosen One but who still give everything they are, and everything they have, to this world and this cause. Some because they must and some because they choose to and some for reasons in between but it’s again this sense that while Rand stands at the centre of it, there are all these other stories and sacrifices and triumphs and tragedies spiralling out from that centre, all weaving together into this pattern. Or Pattern, as it were.

Also, I would like to strongly second the ‘with Moiraine’ part of that sentence. Can we have her back yet please? I’ve been good, I promise!

Bryne’s here too, which means I also get to reminisce about the first (and last) time he met Rand, even before Siuan did, but another scene of Rand as little more than a shepherd, uncertain and afraid and getting by on determination alone and yet, as with his meeting with Siuan, still surprising those around him by being just a little more than expected.

(As for Rand’s first meeting with Egwene, we have no textual evidence but given their ages it probably involved eating mud).

“You came faster than I’d assumed you’d be able to,” she said.

That is, quite literally, what she said. I’m sorry, I’m twelve.

“She’s what we need now,” Bryne said, “but you’re what we needed then. You did well, Siuan.”

YOU DID WELL

I’m sorry, Moiraine’s letter to Rand really just loaded all variants of that phrase quite heavily and it’s not Moiraine saying it to Siuan but it may as well be, and to have anyone looking at all she has done and all she has been through, looking at someone most Aes Sedai now dismiss as inconsequential at best and to blame for their problems at worst, and actually seeing everything she’s achieved and everything she’s sacrificed and to just acknowledge it outright is… such a small phrase but it means so much. Because how many others would say that? How many others could? So few even know what she’s done and why and for how long. Egwene, maybe, but Egwene is still in some ways her protégé and so not really in a position to give that kind of praise. Moiraine, but she’s still… on holiday. And that’s really kind of it.

There’s a reason these kinds of tasks are called thankless.

“He’s standing below, watched over by at least a hundred Warders and twenty-six sisters – two full circles. Undoubtedly he’s shielded”

My first thought was ‘good thing this is Rand after Dragonmount otherwise I don’t think there’d be a Tower right now’, but then, Rand before Dragonmount would probably quite literally not have been caught dead within balefire distance of the White Tower.

Whereas now… what a stark difference this highlights in his entire mindset and character. Once, the possibility of thirteen Aes Sedai sent him away from a city he was holding, tense and desperate and furious. Once, being shielded was – well, I believe the direct quote was ‘Lews Therin fled screaming’. Once, Aes Sedai so much as touching the One Power in his presence without his permission was like dancing on a minefield.

Now… he stands calmly, shielded and within the Tower itself, the stronghold of the Aes Sedai, of his own free will (and that’s it, isn’t it; that’s what truly makes all the difference in so many ways).

Also a bit of a random comparison but I can’t help but be reminded of Taim walking into Caemlyn to claim Rand’s amnesty, guarded and distrusted and hated by pretty much everyone around him and yet appearing, himself, all but unaffected by it.

“Well, what did he look like, then?”

“Honestly, Siuan? He looked like an Aes Sedai.”

Well. Lews Therin was. In an even older sense of the title.

And if we’re looking at the title itself, and its meaning… servant of all is sort of in the job description of a messiah figure, in a way.

I like how we’re reminded that, because of her Talent for seeing ta’veren, Rand literally glows to Siuan’s eyes. Which means the Dragon Reborn, the chosen one, the saviour, having now fully embraced his role, is walking into the Tower literally haloed in light. There’s just a tiny bit of religious symbolism here, is what I’m getting at.

I also – for all that I’m still hoping for a glimpse of Rand through Egwene’s eyes – am very very happy with the choice to show this through Siuan’s POV. Because in so many ways it is a reflection of that scene in TGH where he is summoned to the Amyrlin, and she gets her first look at the boy who will be the Dragon but does not yet know it, and tells him what his role will be, and he surprises her in his stubbornness and strength but still does not truly accept what she says.

Now, we get the Dragon Reborn calling for an audience with the Amyrlin, having finally and truly embraced the full reality of that role. The first was, in a way, to set his path. This, then, feels almost like closing it. And in between those bookends was that long, fraught journey towards acceptance.

Me? Obsessed with symmetry and reflection in a narrative? Never.

She froze as he met her eyes. There was something indefinable about them, a weight, an age. As though the man behind them was seeing through the light of a thousand lives compounded into one. His face did look like that of an Aes Sedai. Those eyes, at least, had agelessness.

This is one of the things I just absolutely love about outsider POV: the way it allows you to almost re-experience the full weight of what you already know. To be able to almost… soft-reset, and then open your eyes and have the impact of it all over again. None of this is news, really, to a reader who has seen Rand atop Dragonmount, or even in the first chapter of this book. But we get it again anyway, because for one thing it’s fun and for another it just serves to highlight what he looks like to one who does not have the privilege of being in his head (not that that’s… a particularly exclusive list these days, but that’s beside the point).

And it’s also interesting how this doesn’t humanise Rand in the perception of others – he’s still very much in the position of being seen more as a force of nature than a person – but the tone and the effect are so very different to before, for instance when he was lost or in pain or just desperate (or all of the above) and yet perceived as arrogant, inhuman, even monstrous. There’s still this sense of… not being seen as just a person, being seen more in the heroic lines and angles of power and weight of legend, but the difference, I think, is that Rand himself accepts it now. It is now a part of who he is, and a part of him he accepts, and embraces, and steps willingly into.

It also gives him some rather extraordinary weight of personality so making his way through a crowd of Warders is a piece of cake. See, sometimes being the chosen one has its benefits.

“And Siuan Sanche. You’ve changed since we last met.”

Oh. Okay yeah the fact that we get him saying this to her, rather than the other way around, is a really, really excellent way of just subtly shifting the entire balance of power – not even quite power; something else I can’t think of a good word for – of the scene.

It's the way it takes the way this scene is so neatly set up to be a bookend of that first meeting between them, and just… flips the obvious line on its axis. It’s still there, we’re still on script, but it’s ever so slightly not what you expect, and that difference itself becomes the point. Because Rand is no longer the object of the scene; he is very much its subject. The assignment of agency and proactivity has shifted (he has chosen, now, rather than been chosen; a semantic shift that makes perhaps literally all the difference in the world), and this is just a really cool way to play with that.

If that made any sense.

“You once took an arrow for me. Did I thank you for that?”

This… this gentleness is absolutely killing me and we’re only a few lines into his actual appearance in this chapter. The way it’s no longer forced, or agonised, or desperate, or serving only as a sharp contrast to either anger or apathy to remind you of who he once was. Instead it’s just… there. Without brittleness or the aching sense of something lost. There’s just a weird kind of beauty in the simplicity of this, in how it’s just… him, without any of the hundred things waiting to shatter beneath that statement.

Maybe that’s it; the gentleness that doesn’t feel like the precursor to shattering glass. The way this isn’t a veiled threat, or a barb, or a forced admission, or a conversational gambit. Just thanks, remembered honestly and offered freely and that’s… it.

(Moiraine once took a Forsaken for you, Rand. Be sure to thank her for that too).

Anyway, Siuan sings Egwene’s praises as Amyrlin, of course, and apparently everything Rand says or does in this chapter is going to just get me because:

He smiled again. “I should have expected nothing less. Strange, but I feel that seeing her again will hurt, though that is one wound that has well and truly healed. I can still remember the pain of it, I suppose.”

Again it’s just the gentleness that pervades all of this, where once there was turmoil and pain and a rage in him fit to burn the world, or else terrifying coldness and absence and a distant voice screaming. It’s like everything has finally fallen silent and only then do you realise how loud everything was before, and how maddening. Just… Rand being able to smile simply, and feel and express emotions in the normal human range.

And that sense of… wonder, almost, that you get from him at that fact. It’s—there is very much a rebirth kind of feel to a lot of this, because a part of it is that Rand is very, very aware of where he has just come from and where he stands now. That’s the whole point: to get to this, he had to choose it and realise it and open his eyes, I suppose. And so now he’s seeing everything through that new filter (or perhaps without the noise of the old one) and there’s a kind of beautiful simplicity and something like but also entirely unlike innocence to it.

Tiana has a letter for him with a red seal… one of Verin’s, maybe? If so, Rand sure has a track record with Aes Sedai and letters left to him. She did have several, when we saw her with Mat… and I struggle to think of who else would have left one. Cadsuane, maybe?

“Do your best to calm Egwene when I am done,” he said to Siuan. Then he took a deep breath and strode forward

CHILDREN. ALL OF THEM. That, right there, for probably the first time this book, is absolutely 100% a glimpse of Rand al’Thor, Woolheaded Sheepherder, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Wise, gentle, reconciled to his role, remembering his past life and accepting who he is… and still taking a deep breath and making contingency plans before going to a stubborn-off with his former childhood sweetheart. I’m laughing.

*

OH IT’S EGWENE, WE DO GET TO SEE THIS IN EGWENE’S POV, YES THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED.

This was not Rand al’Thor, friend of her childhood, the man she’d assumed she’d one day marry.

Oh no, just start right out with a gut-punch why don’t you. No, Egwene, he is.

Except… he also isn’t, and that’s the sad part. But if this is to work, I still think that’s going to be the key: that they know—knew—each other as people. Except now Egwene is deliberately telling herself not to do that, and while it’s understandable it’s… that way lies the end of the Second Age.

No. This man was the Dragon Reborn. The most dangerous man ever to draw breath.

This hurts me in exactly the way I was hoping it would.

Just as Rand has finally accepted himself, and in some ways come back to himself (not quite, because you can’t go back you can only go forwards as the Wheel of Time turns, but he’s no longer forcing everything about who he was away), Egwene is forcing herself to see him as anything but that. As just the Dragon Reborn, legend and monster and saviour and destroyer. It’s a perfect mis-alignment of timings.

(Egwene is steeling herself, just as Rand has finally stopped trying to become steel).

“Egwene,” Rand said

IT’S! ABOUT! THE NAMES!

She’s thinking of him, emphatically, as the Dragon Reborn… but the dialogue tag betrays her. We are in her POV and as soon as he speaks, he is Rand.

And the first word he says is her name. Not ‘Mother’ or ‘Amyrlin’, not the opening of some request or demand. Just… ‘Egwene’.

He is the Dragon Reborn, come to see the Amyrlin—he asked for the Amyrlin—and she is the Amyrlin steeling herself to face the Dragon Reborn and yet in the first moment, when that silence of waiting is broken, they are Rand and Egwene and—

I just. Maybe I’m reading too much into this but it’s perfect and it hurts and I love it.

(Names are important).

He nodded to her, as if in respect. “You have done your part, I see. The Amyrlin’s stole fits you well.”

WHY DOES THIS HURT ME? WHY AM I EXPERIENCING AN EMOTION?

They’ve both just come so far and through so much and they hardly even know one another anymore, and there’s this almost-but-not-quite uncertainty and almost-but-not-quite familiarity, and yet it feels not like the anticipation before an ‘everything goes wrong’ moment but instead the anticipation of… maybe, finally, finding their way back to something? Or forwards, I suppose. It’s like the tentative formality of meeting someone for the first time in years, unsure of them and of yourself and of everything that’s happened in the interim but there’s something weirdly hopeful about it.

Maybe I’m just so used to liveblogging pain that I don’t know what to do with myself when it’s not there, except in echoes and memories and all the space that has grown between them, but this is like… a hand offered across that intervening space.

From what she had heard of Rand recently, she had not anticipated such calm in him.

I mean. That’s… fair.

Well, or she might have been led to anticipate a very different kind of calm. The calm of ice or cuendillar that could in an instant become, you know, balefiring an entire fortress out of existence.

Maybe save your musings on whether or not he’s a criminal for whatever passes as a Geneva Convention in this world, Egwene. We don’t have time to unpack all of that right now.

“What has happened to you?” she found herself asking as she leaned forward on the Amyrlin Seat.

“I was broken,” Rand said, hands behind his back. “And then, remarkably, I was reforged. I think he almost had me, Egwene.”

HELP.

THIS IS JUST.

I… wow. What do I even do with this?

Just as the first word out of his mouth was her name, and her first thought of him was as Rand… now, despite sitting on the Amyrlin Seat—which we are quite literally reminded of here, and I don’t think that’s accidental—her first words are… call it concern, call it curiosity, call it demand, call it accusation even, but that’s not Amyrlin to Dragon Reborn there. That’s not the opening of negotiations or a summons or a meeting. That’s Egwene, looking at Rand. It’s like Nynaeve in TFoH reaching for him almost instinctively and saying ‘at least let me Heal you’.

And then Rand’s response!

‘I was broken’. Such a simple statement for so, so much more. And yet… that’s what it is. It’s the simplicity, again, that gets me. The simplicity and the self-awareness and the way he can look at it now, with that sense of removal, but this time not because he’s walled himself off from the pain; instead, he lets himself feel it but he has accepted its reason and its source and its necessity. He’s no longer fighting against himself, and that lets him bear so much more, because so much of that pain came from that battle against himself, and from the fear of what he might become.

He spent so long trying to forge himself into steel, but in the end that’s not the reforging he needed. And now he knows that, and sees it, and there’s just something about a character who can stand on the far side of their own breaking and their own agony and speak of it calmly, whole.

It's just an entire situation I’m having here.

And that last bit. ‘I think he almost had me’. The memory of ‘it is HIM’. And the fact that Rand can see that too, now; can see how close he came to the Shadow without ever turning from the Light, and understand that nuance.

But also… there is still one very glaring loose end there: Rand has used the True Power. Sure, he doesn’t seem particularly… uh… compromised by that at this point, but I still just cannot imagine that won’t be brought back in some way.

He spoke differently. There was a formality to his words that she didn’t recognise.

And then it’s lines like this that keep this scene from being… to perfect? Not in terms of execution, but in terms of ‘things going well and painlessly for characters’. Because there is still a sadness to this, to Rand and Egwene looking at one another (and naming one another!) and seeing the person behind the role, and looking for the person they knew, and yet also still seeing elements of a stranger.

Because they have changed. Neither of them is at all the child they were when they left Emond’s Field, and there is so much between them now, and that connection they have is worn and thinned and this isn’t a joyful reunion. There’s catharsis here, and a tentative possibility of peace or friendship, but there’s also this recognition, each to each, of how much of what used to be is now gone. They’ve both been hardened and shaped by their experiences and they both know it and recognise it in each other—perhaps in part because they both also very clearly by this point recognise it in themselves.

“Why have you come before the Amyrlin Seat?” she asked.

And now we get the opening of Amyrlin-to-Dragon. But that’s not where we began. We began with Rand and Egwene, and I’ll shut up about it in a minute but this whole play of naming and identity is one of those little things that gets me pretty much every time it turns up in a story.

“I’ve hated you before,” Rand said, turning back to Egwene.

I’M FINE! THIS IS FINE!

Yes I am quoting pretty much every line of dialogue in this scene but LISTEN, IT HURTS ME.

The thing is, this is a statement utterly without malice. It’s not a threat or an insult—not even the childish sort of insult they might have exchanged last time they met. It’s… really, the only word that comes to mind is a confession.

Which plays into one of the features of Rand’s character that stands out so far in the brief moments we’ve seen him in this book: genuine self-knowledge, and self-knowledge that he fully accepts. There is no longer any remnant of denial.

And that allows him to make statements like this and have them come across as, weirdly, almost benevolent. Nothing he has said is said with the intent to deceive, or to wound, or even really to manipulate. It’s just truth—and truth that he himself fully understands and accepts now.

So he’s not fighting against her out of fear of being caught up in Aes Sedai strings, just as he’s not fighting against Lews Therin’s memories out of fear of being caught up in Kinslayer’s fate. Instead of fighting against everything up to and including himself, he’s just… him.

“It occurs to me that I’ve been trying too hard.”

That’s exactly it. He’s been fighting, when in some ways what he needed was to learn how (and where, and when) to surrender. Though even ‘surrender’ connotes a struggle or a conflict, and I think a lot of this realisation is that it’s not about fighting or forcing or struggling; it’s about accepting, and guiding, and leading. And choosing, of course.

“A fear that the acts I accomplished would be yours, and not my own.” He hesitated. “I should have wished for such a convenient set of backs upon which to heap the blame for my crimes.”

Wow. Okay, that’s… a line.

Um.

Damn.

It’s almost ironic, the way he instead tried to heap all the responsibility on himself and take all that blame and pain, and let it damn him and in doing so tried to pretend it freed him to act as he needed, no longer held back by such trivial concerns as humanity and his own conscience or sense of redeemability. But ultimately it came down to the same thing, in a way: an inability to accept what he was doing, and so trying to find a place to put all that pain.

(Or, as Lews Therin once advised, ‘If it hurts too much, make it hurt someone else instead’).

But now he sees that, too, and so instead of trying to escape the pain or treat it as ‘I’m damned either way so may as well burn it all’, he understands his responsibility but in a more… balanced way, I suppose.

The Dragon Reborn had come to the White Tower to engage in idle philosophy

Moridin? That you?

I do sort of wonder, because I’m me, what impact, if any, Rand’s epiphany might (or could; I don’t really expect the story to go there, much as I might wish it to) have on Moridin, given the link they share.

“Rand,” Egwene said, softening her tone.

And now we get the reflection of the names from the opening of this conversation! It’s about the names! It’s about the dialogue tags! It’s about identity and perception and that thread of friendship that still binds them and might in the end be enough to save them from their predecessors’ fate!

“I’m going to have some sisters talk to you to decide if there is anything… wrong with you. Please try to understand.”

I mean you could not have phrased that less tactfully if you tried, Egwene, but it is kind of understandable. We may know full well that there’s less wrong with Rand now than there has been at pretty much any point since the start of the series, but how in the Light would anyone else be able to be sure of that? He’s certainly not acting like the Rand Egwene once knew, or even the Rand she last saw. Nor is he behaving like the Rand from whatever reports she’s received.

And yes, while I think the world waiting and watching for him to go mad hurt far more than it helped, there’s also the fact that that is what everyone and their mother expects—because up until what, a few months ago, that was inevitable.

So then in walks the Dragon Reborn, acting like… well, this, and what else are you going to do? A bit like the cleansing of saidin, as a reader you want all the other characters to just take it on faith, but the rather sad irony of Rand’s position is that his own word is the one no one is entirely sure they can trust. And the only one here who can vouch for him is himself. Elayne or Aviendha or Min might be able to, but none of them is nearby, and also that bond’s been kept pretty quiet.

So anyway. Yeah, I can see where she’s coming from on that.

To his credit, so can Rand.

“Oh, I do understand, Egwene. And I am sorry to deny you, but I have too much to do.”

There’s the woolheaded sheepherder again. He’s smiling here, and I am quite sure this is a bit of the old Rand dropping by to say hello and needle Egwene just a bit, because that’s what they do.

“A friend rides to his death without allies.”

HE NAMED YOU FRIEND. AND NOW YOU REMEMBER HIM. THIS IS FINE I’M FINE EVERYTHING’S FINE.

“This is the part I regret. I did not wish to come into your centre of power, which you have achieved so well, and defy you. But it cannot be helped. You must know what my plans are so that you can prepare.”

To be able to say that without so much as the hit of a threat in it is… quite a power move, I have to say. Because even here, I think he’s still just being absolutely and even benevolently honest. He doesn’t want to undermine her. He doesn’t even really want to challenge her. He understands where she’s coming from – which itself puts us so, so far from where he was just days ago, that he can meet her uncertainty and suspicion and say ‘okay yeah, that’s fair’.

And if he had time, I wonder if he might actually agree to that particular request.

But he doesn’t have time. Which brings us to the other extraordinary part of this statement: willingly offering up communication. Just. Straight up saying ‘you need to know my plans’. Mark this date in your calendars, friends: a Wheel of Time character just offered, unprompted, voluntarily, to share their plans with another character, so that they can prepare.

I am astonished.

“The last time I tried to seal the Bore”

You know, just the other day.

“I believe that saidin and saidar must both be used.”

I think he’s absolutely right there—it’s a part of what I love about Rand and Egwene, childhood friends for all that they’ve grown apart, holding the roles that they do; the idea that this bond between them, strained as it is, could allow them to do what Lews Therin and Latra Posae could not—but I also… he shall hold a blade of light in his hands, and the three shall be one. I just… wonder.

Egwene leaned forward, studying him. There didn’t seem to be madness in his eyes. She knew those eyes. She knew Rand.

YES!

THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED! That she sees him. Looks past the Dragon Reborn, past her role as Amyrlin, and for a moment she is just Egwene looking at Rand and it is by nature such a simple thing—stripping away everything but that simple identity—but it’s also the thing that can give them a chance to do it differently this time. This chance of understanding, this one small thing that could tip them towards cooperation and trust rather than letting them turn away from each other or fall apart.

Light, she thought, I’m wrong. I can’t think of him only as the Dragon Reborn. I’m here for a reason. He’s here for a reason. To me, he must be Rand. Because Rand can be trusted, while the Dragon Reborn must be feared.

Maybe it’s very Sanderson to have this stated outright, but I’m not even going to complain, because it’s… perfect. To allow, in the end, trust and friendship and who they are rather than purely what they are come into it as well, even just in some small way, to bridge that gap. It’s what Lews Therin and Latra Posae couldn’t do, but Rand and Egwene have a chance to try again.

I just… have been spinning around on this EXACT CONCEPT for, I don’t know, several books now, and to see it playing out so plainly here is everything I want and I am never going to be okay again in my life.

“Which are you?” she whispered unconsciously.

He heard. “I am both, Egwene. I remember him. Lews Therin. I can see his entire life, every desperate moment. I see it like a dream, but a clear dream. My own dream. It’s part of me.”

It’s a nice touch, that he speaks of it as a dream, to the one who understands dreams so well.

It’s also just a lot, to have gone from ‘so many parts of him, mind splintered in glittering shards, all of them screaming’ to ‘sorrows and his own suicide’ to a clear dream he accepts as a part of himself. The pain and desperation of it are still there, but he’s no longer fighting them, because he no longer sees it as something he’s bound to. It’s just a part of who he is, but it doesn’t have to define what he will be.

I also like this because Egwene was one of the first to notice him speaking to a voice in his mind. And now she gets this, just an honest and accepting response. It seems fitting, somehow.

The words were those of a madman, but they were spoken evenly. She looked at him, and remembered the youth that he had been. The earnest young man. Not solemn like Perrin, but not wild like Mat. Solid, straightforward. The type of man you could trust with anything.

Even the fate of the world.

THAT’S IT THAT’S IT RIGHT THERE. If they did not know each other, this could be an impasse. Not as disastrous as Rand’s meeting with Tuon, perhaps, because he’s a little… uh… less omnicidal at this particular moment, but likely just as unsuccessful. An Amyrlin who could not trust the Dragon, and a Dragon who could not afford to give her the assurances she needed, and so two powers working in parallel but separately, almost in opposition.

But she knows him. And it’s the youth he had been—it is LITERALLY THE MEMORY OF A SHEPHERD NAMED RAND AL’THOR, the echo of one of my favourite quotes—that tips the balance the other way this time.

It’s Rand. The boy he tried for so long to destroy, because to be him hurt too much.

And I also really love how it isn’t about some Grand True Love between them that does it. They were childhood sweethearts, sure, but the love between them is that of friends, of a shared childhood, of something very much like family. And I like that there’s this implicit importance and weight placed on that; that in its way it’s as crucial to this moment as the ‘veins of gold’ were on Dragonmount

This is what Latra Posae and Lews Therin had. And so instead it falls to Egwene and Rand, to learn from their mistakes, and do what they could not. It is what Rand realised on Dragonmount, and what he is playing out now. A chance to try again.

And it’s because he’s Rand that that’s possible. It’s not Lews Therin, or the Dragon Reborn (but it is also both of those, because he is both of those).

“In one month’s time,” Rand said, “I’m going to travel to Shayol Ghul and break the last remaining seals on the Dark One’s prison. I want your help.”

Well. I mean. Okay. Points for honest and straightforward communication, I suppose. I love that he just walks into the Tower and drops this on her like a grenade, though. It amuses me.

Ah, so she thinks the crystal sphere in her dream represents the seals or the prison as well.

“Rand, no”

Rand: Rand yes!

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

“I’m going to need you, all of you”

Rand openly admitting to needing anyone or anything, and again just as a statement rather than a threat or an angry demand, is another thing that’s new and kind of refreshing.

“I hope to the Light that this time, you will give me your support.”

Rand to Egwene, remembering Lews Therin to Latra Posae. And if everyone is someone reborn, who’s to say she isn’t? (I’m not… really sure whether I’d want that to be true or not, so I suppose it’s nice that it’s not stated one way or the other, at least up to this point. But it could be a fun one to play with). Either way, those very much are the roles they’re echoing, and I swear I’ll shut up about this but I still just love how, so closely following Rand’s realisation on Dragonmount, we get to actually watch that kind of chance-to-try-again play out. A chance to work together, rather than apart.

“And then… well, then we will discuss my terms.”

Ah well, I suppose it was too much to hope for him to communicate the whole plan right now. Baby steps and all that.

Also, you know, narrative choices and the need to keep at least something back.

“Your terms?” Egwene demanded. “You will see,” he said, turning as if to leave.

So… the way it’s framed puts us into very slightly antagonistic (and much more familiar) territory of lack of communication and demands and terms.

But I wonder what terms he’s referring to, because there is a nonzero probability that he’s talking about Callandor here. In which case, it’s not entirely impossible that the terms he’s referring to are, in effect, those of his own surrender.

I could be wrong. I very probably am. But it’s… an interesting possibility to consider. And it would be kind of fitting, in a way, for that to be the uncommunicated and therefore misunderstood thing here.

Turns out ‘the Amyrlin’s Anger’ is Egwene just shouting at her childhood friend ‘don’t you turn your back on me when I’m talking to you, Rand al’Thor’ and Rand turning back like a boy who tracked mud into the house. I love them, I really do.

“We must talk about this,” she said. “Plan.”

“That is why I came to you. To let you plan.”

He seemed amused.

Oh, he’s absolutely amused. Part of him still is the boy you knew, and this is honestly just classic Rand-and-Egwene, for all that it’s also on an entirely different level. They antagonise one another: it’s what they do. But I don’t think there’s true anger here, on either side. And again, that is what could save them. That ‘anger’ between them is… this, rather than that snapping of tension and dropping of any possibility of a truce and turning immediately to planning their next moves, all thought of alliance or restraint over, between Rand and Tuon.

Anyway. The other thing here is that… it’s easy to be exasperated with Egwene, because just listen to Rand, he’s sane now damn it, and he’s almost certainly right about the seals.

But honestly? In her position? Knowing what she knows—and not knowing all the things she doesn’t know, like the actual state of Rand’s mind—it’s hard to fault her for pushing back on this. He walks in, says he’s fine and that he remembers a dead man’s entire life and also that they need to break the prison of the embodiment of entropy and chaos and evil, okay bye!

Like. As Amyrlin, it’s her job to say ‘okay, right, I’m with you, but also what the fuck’. It would be irresponsible not to.

Of course… I get the impression Rand knows that, too. And is, perhaps, counting on it. He came to her to let her plan, and he doesn’t seem surprised or upset by the fact that she doesn’t just immediately say ‘okay cool when do we start’, and he has a certain respect for the position she holds.

I think it’s entirely possible this is what he wants from her. For her to plan. Because he doesn’t have time to. And because, just as she looks at him and sees someone she can trust with the fate of the world, he looks at her and sees someone he can trust with planning and logistics and getting the Aes Sedai to get themselves where he needs them. A kind of ‘this is what I’m going to do, now do whatever it is you need to do because I don’t need to micromanage and I also don’t have time to, okay see you at Tarmon Gai’don’.

“And so here we come to it,” Rand said.

Yeah, he saw this coming.

“Egwene al’Vere, Watcher of the Seals, Flame of Tar Valon, may I have your permission to withdraw?”

He asked it so politely. She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or not.

The thing is, I really don’t think he is. It’s like how earlier he said he didn’t want to come into her place of power and undermine her. He’s giving her, I think, an honest gesture with genuine respect. Because now, at peace with himself as he is, it costs him nothing to do so. She is not his enemy, and I do think his respect for her is honest, and I think he still cares about her as a friend, and what does he lose by giving her a small bow and her titles and the opportunity to grant him permission to leave?

And of course Egwene is conflicted, because on the one hand she can’t keep him here like Elaida tried to, but on the other hand…

“I will not let you break the seals,” she said. “That is madness.”

“Then meet me at the place known as the Field of Merrilor, just to the north. We will talk before I go to Shayol Ghul. For now, I do not want to defy you, Egwene. But I must go.’

Ah. And so we have a battleground.

As for the rest… well. It’s not quite accord, but nor is it disaster. It’s not even quite a true impasse. There’s tension now, sure, but it’s a) not even in the same hemisphere as as bad as it would have been if Rand hadn’t had some alone time on a mountain to think, literally, about his life choices and b) not insurmountable.

And c) I still think there’s a very real chance this is all Rand actually needed or wanted out of this. Egwene now knows his plan and his timing and the battleground, and she can take care of the rest.

It’s almost—gasp—as if Rand al’Thor, Dragon Reborn, has truly learned to delegate.

The chamber was still enough for Egwene to hear the faint breeze making the rose window groan it its lead.

The wind, for Rand, against the rose, for the Aes Sedai. (Also, listen, I have not forgotten that Eldrene was the Rose of the Sun).

“Very well,” Egwene said. “But this is not ended, Rand.”

“There are no endings, Egwene.”

IT’S! ABOUT! THE NAMES!

They talk a big game about each other’s titles, and wonder if they’re really the person they each once knew, but they both open and closes with nothing but each other’s names, and it means absolutely everything.

Also, that’s… really not a bad outcome. Honestly, this could have been so much worse. Anger? Try ‘okay um that’s unexpected and I’m still not sure you’re not insane but…sure. Okay’.

Which really is all you need, right? It’s agreement with a bit of hesitation, and at this stage in the game that’s a damn victory.

Again, I can’t help but contrast it with that absolute catastrophe at Falme, and compared to that? This is just friends sticking their tongues out at each other on the way out. Rand knows he can count on Egwene to be there, at least. Will she agree with him when she arrives? Who knows. But that’s a problem for another time. For now, he at least knows she’ll go, and that’s all he can ask. And he can leave the rest of the planning in her hands.

And she knows what he’s planning, and knows he wants her as an ally, and can therefore make said plans.

I don’t think this is ended either, and I’m sure there’s plenty of potential conflict to come, but this was, all things considered, really kind of impressive in its lack of explosions.

(Also, ‘there are no endings’. Now who’s giving Aes Sedai answers, Rand? As well as probably spoilers for the last line of the series. Rude.)

Oh, interesting. So Rand’s ta’veren hyperdrive powers pretty much literally froze all the other Aes Sedai in place. Because this needed to be a meeting between Rand and Egwene. Because of their roles, yes, but also because of that thread of connection they still share. And so it had to be the two of them, because that was the only chance of this working at all.

Egwene frowned. She hadn’t felt it that way. Perhaps because she thought of him as Rand.

I… yeah. Because that’s what he needed: to have this conversation with someone who could see him. Even then, it barely came out to something almost resembling accord. They needed that small weight on the scales, to have that chance. And so she was free, because it was the Dragon Reborn, and not Rand, who was holding the others silent, in a way.

Or at least that’s how I’m reading this because it plays into my entire thing for names and identity and perception, and the importance thereof.

“We need to discuss his words. The Hall of the Tower will reconvene in one hour’s time for discussion.”

Which, really, is exactly what they need to be doing. Now they have the information, and they can figure out… a battle plan, I suppose. Okay. We’re there now. We have a place and a time (this place, this day, which of course is followed by the lesser sadness, yes I remember sequences of chapter titles why are you looking at me like that) and the beginnings of a plan. I’m… it’s been five years and I’m not entirely ready for this.

“And someone follow to make sure he really leaves.”

You’re just afraid he’ll find some way to prank you on his way out, don’t lie.

“Then how? How do we stop him?”

That, Silviana, is not the question you need to be asking. I mean, I get it. I really do. And I’m not sure how they could not think that, at least initially. But… the time for working against each other’s aims, when you are all on the same side, is over.

“We need allies,” Egwene said.

Which, again, I think is precisely the point. That is something it makes absolute sense for Rand to delegate to the Amyrlin Seat, who has the power and the standing to gather allies and play the games of politics, and bring her portion of the Forces of the Light to… the Field of Merrilor, I suppose.

She took a deep breath. “He might be persuaded by people that he trusts.” Or he might be forced to change his mind if confronted by a large enough group united to stop him.

Oh, Egwene, no. You can’t be another Latra Posae.

But perhaps it would be too easy for this to actually just be their only not-quite-conflict. I still think it was more a success than a failure, all told, and I stand by everything I said about the importance of their friendship in letting them see each other, but I think we’re looking at one final testing of that, before the end.

Next (ToM ch 4) Previous (ToM ch 2)

[heart-forge]

this is so so self indulgent bc this is one of my favourite tropes (then again im sure everyone sending asks is being self indulgent) but what would the ROs from both games do if the mc suddenly lost their memory, forgetting who they were and that they were in love? (ps sending you positive energy on the writing process!!! hope it goes without a hitch 🌟)

Ahhh thank you !!!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡

Siruud

He really has no choice: while his first instinct might be to bail in a panic because oh god this is a lot and he can’t... it wasn’t an easy route to romance and how do you explain to someone everything he told you about himself like, again? What if this new amnesiac you actually doesn’t like him at all?

He has to stay though, because of the bind and because deep down he knows he can’t just deprive you of this part of your life no matter how mutually convenient it would be for you to not have to deal with him anymore.

Tahira

...depending on where the two of you are in the romance, let’s say, past the waist-deep point, she feels terribly guilty. She sticks by you but she can’t tell if she’s prioritizing your healing process or if she’s languishing in this clean slate, if she’s enjoying the fact she gets a do-over. She gets to restage the scene.

Does she tell you that? Does she just take advantage and enjoy it? Does she work harder to not tell you this time?

Valerian

He gets a lot of people to work on memory restoration for a long time. He starts to get antsy if you’re out of his sight for too long, and hates himself for how paranoid and clingy he’s being. When your own agency is more important than ever, suddenly he’s loathe to give that to you.

Ruth hangs around you quite a bit, because Valeri tries to go long periods without seeing you so you don’t feel like he’s smothering you. Ruth tells you this, of course.

Gnarl

They try to ghost. They really do. Not only will you be safe now, but you won’t feel bad never seeing them again, or miss them, and they don’t have to work against years of nostalgia. They don’t have those years of memories at all anymore, so they feel like there’s no real way you could possibly be into them without that.

They fail to ghost, ultimately. They try to be subtle, leaving you gifts and convenient little objects and notes of encouragement. They see it as being your guardian angel, but it isn’t hard for you to find someone who tells you all about Gnarl.

Abeni

She’s the most sensible about it; she’s got you by the arm and is taking you on an unofficial official MC reunion tour, to reunite you with yourself. She hits up your favourite places with you, she’s upfront with you about the relationship between the two of you, she has pictures, she has scents, and she’s ready to rumble with amnesia.

Out of all of them, it would be the easiest to just fall right back in love with her because she’s absolutely confident in you and besides some melancholy about what you’re missing (on your behalf, not hers) she’s willing to get to know a whole new you, even if you don’t remember what happened before.

[fluffy-marshmallow-heart]

Drake's Diary ch.20- Lights, Camera, Smile

The Royal Romance from Drake's POV

Drake x MC (Emma)

Words: 4185

Fashion shows and reunions...whose lives will be altered in Paris?

Hana, Maxwell and Drake knock on Emma’s door and are greeted by Chance, who barks happily at them.

“Morning, sleepyhead!” Hana called out.

Drake looked her over, noticing she looked slightly worse for wear. “Last night must have been rough. You slept all the way from Italy to Paris. How are you feeling?” He asked, eyes full of concern.

Emma gazed at him. “I’ve been better…”

“That’s because you partied all night loooooong!” Maxwell cried. Drake rolled his eyes. Not everyone likes partying as much as you do.

Emma rose an eyebrow. “That, and I found out that the noble lady who set me up was Penelope.”

“What?” Hana gasped

Drake’s jaw dropped. “Penelope? Penelope? ‘I can’t stop talking about my poodles’ Penelope?”

No freaking way.

Maxwell narrowed his eyes. “I always knew she was a few dogs short of a pack.”

  “To be honest…I feel so betrayed by that backstabber! I thought Penelope and I were friends. I don’t understand how she could look me in the eye and act like everything was fine between us, and then…”

“Don’t worry, Emma.” Maxwell broke in. “We’ll set things right. No one messes with House Beaumont!”

Hana shook her head. “To think, I even tried to help her…”

Emma sighed. “Anyway, we need to strategize. I didn’t confront her last night, but I have to talk to her. I need answers.”

“Please be careful, Emma. If she’s able to fool us for so long, who knows what else she’s capable of?” Hana pointed out.

Maxwell agreed. “She’s downright diabolical. I bet she doesn’t even have poodles.”

“Yeah. Be careful. We’ve got the upper hand right now because she doesn’t know that you suspect her.” Drake warned. Whatever you decide, I’m with you.

“That’s right. If we’re able to get close to her, we may be able to get some answers…” Hana suggested.

“Good idea.” Drake glanced over at her.

“The ultimate game of cat and mouse. Cat and poodle? Poodle and lion!”

“This lion is ready to pounce.” Emma glared.

There’s my girl.

“I’ll be there if you need help.” Hana told her. “I know it won’t be easy to be nice to her after all she’s put you through…Oh, I have an idea! Penelope loves dogs, right?”

Did she seriously just ask that? Oh Hana, Hana

“Oh, yeah! Maybe you can butter her up with a little corgi time!” Maxwell said excitedly.

Chance barks happily, and Maxwell reaches down to scratch his ears. “Who’s the very best little detective? Is it you?”

Chance barks again. “It sure is! You’re the best detective in the world!”

Chance starts jumping around excitedly, barking his head off.

Drake rolled his eyes again and turned back to Emma. “Be careful, Rose. Think you’ll be able to get her alone?”

“That might be harder than it sounds. We’re going to a charity fashion show today, so there’ll be tons of people.” Hana said.

Maxwell snapped his fingers. “Speaking of which, we should get going. We’re supposed to meet Justin at the limo in a few minutes.

Drake looked back at Emma. “Mind if I catch a ride with you guys?”

“Plenty of room in the limo!” Maxwell told him.

That’s great, but I wasn’t asking you…I’m still coming though.

A few minutes later, Emma, Drake, and Maxwell enter the limo to find that Justin is already inside.

“Morning, future queen! Ready for an exciting day of fashion and philanthropy?” He asked.

“Fashlanthropy?”

“Ugh, Maxwell. You know I can never unhear that, right?” Drake groaned.

Maxwell just shrugged. “Hey, they can’t all be winners!”

Emma smiled at Justin. “Am I ready? You bet I am! Looking at beautiful people wearing beautiful clothing, while raising money for…What are we raising money for?”

“Disaster relief is the cause du jour.” Justin announced proudly.

Emma tilted her head to the side. “What disaster?”

“There was a major earthquake on the Cordonian coast recently. It caused a tsunami and left hundreds displaced.”

“Oh, that’s so sad…”

Justin nodded. “Indeed. It hasn’t received much news coverage, but tonight should change that. The government has already deployed disaster relief, but a well-covered charity event will raise even more funds to help the affected.”

“Well, I’ll be happy to support the cause.” Emma looked down at Chance as he barked at her.

Maxwell chuckled. “Sounds like Chance is, too!”

“I certainly hope so, because you’ll want to show that little guy off like a prized pig at a country fair today. He’s the best decision you’ve made. Except me, of course.”

Wow, this guy certainly is full of himself. What a moron. A smart moron, but still a moron.

Justin continued. “Just remember, if the press asks you any sensationalist questions, refocus on the humanitarian efforts of the event. Don’t worry if you run into any questions you’re not prepared to answer. I’ll be in your head again today.”

“The earpiece?” Emma asked.

Maxwell clapped his hands together. “I bet Justin’s fun to have inside your head!”

Justin grinned haughtily. “I like to think so.”

Drake grimaced. “This just got awkward.”

Ignoring him, Justin handed the small piece of equipment back to Emma. “Just put the earpiece in when you need me, Emma.”

The limo rolls to a stop. “Looks like we’ve arrived.”

“We should probably go find Liam when we get inside.” Drake told everyone.

“Yeah, we’ll catch up with you later, Emma.” Maxwell stepped out of the vehicle.

Wait…she’s not coming with us? Damn it. The fashion show venue was abuzz with activity. Drake and Maxwell split off, while Emma and Hana are shepherded backstage.

Drake sat uncomfortably in a chair by Maxwell and Liam, as the models were parading around the catwalk, wearing one outrageous outfit after another. When the next article of clothing was all in fishnet, Drake decided he’d had enough. He leaned in towards Liam. “Hey, I’m going to head out.”

Liam chuckled. “Not quite your scene, is it?”

Drake just shook his head and went back to the train. Those fishnets body suits…he didn’t want to see them on anyone. That just isn’t a good look. Or…do I want to see just one person in particular in it? Hmmm. As those thoughts filled his head, he practically ran back to his sleeping car to take care of the hardness that was developing in his pants.

The following morning, Drake had an idea. After stroking himself into oblivion with visions of Emma wearing fishnets, a thought occurred to him. He was thinking about their first kiss, for about the billionth time, when it hit him. The envelope of cash in the Beaumont study had a Parisian address on it.

I need to find Rose. I bet she’ll come with me to find it.

Rushing out of his car, he bumped right into her.

He grinned. “Hey! There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Emma winked. “And now you’ve found me! I missed you at the end of the fashion show yesterday. Were the fishnet jumpsuits too much?”

Drake stared at her in surprise. No, there’s no way she knows I was getting off to that…is there? Ah, fuck

He found himself blushing. “I don’t ever need to see that much of a person.”

Except you. You were very hot in it.

Emma’s smile faltered. “I need to tell you something…Penelope confessed everything at the fashion show. She was working with Bastien.”

“Bastien?! Our Bastien?”

She bit her bottom lip nervously. “Yeah…I know you and Bastien are close.”

Drake runs his fingers through his hair. “Bastien, of all people. Hell.” How could he do this? This is so unlike him. He wouldn’t deliberately set her up, no way, how could he betray me like that? Betray Liam like that?

“Have you seen him around? We need to talk…”

Drake shook his head. “No, he’s preparing security for Liam’s bachelor party. He’ll be there tomorrow night.”

She nodded slowly. “I guess that means I’m crashing.”

Drake looked at her, pleading in his eyes. “Can I be there when you talk to him? I need to know why.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, Rose.” He lets out a sigh. “Not much to do until then. But…there’s another mystery I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What’s up?”

“Do you remember when we found that envelope of cash in the Beaumont study?”

“Of course…” She trailed off a moment. “Oh! The address on it was in Paris!”

“Not too far from here, in fact.” Drake told her.

“Are you thinking that we should go to that address?”

“At the very least, it might give us another clue about what’s going on. And right now, it seems like we can use all the answers we can get.”

“Let’s go. But you should bring something nice to wear.”

I what?  “You’re just trying to get me into a suit, aren’t you?”

She let out a laugh. “As much as I enjoy forcing you into formal wear, you never know when you’ll need to look nice to blend in.”

He groaned. “Fine, fine, I’ll bring one with me. Let’s go.” Can’t believe I have to walk around with a garment bag, god this is so embarrassing. Wait, why didn’t I put up a fight about it? Damn it!

A short drive later, they arrive at the address. “It looks like an ordinary apartment.” Emma said, looking around the building.

Drake agreed. “So far. Here we go.” He knocks on the door, and someone opens it into a small apartment…

“Drake!”

“Wha..Savannah!” Drake felt as though the world stopped spinning.

What the…how is…

Then suddenly Maxwell appeared. “Who’s at the…Whoa, Drake and Emma! Uh…hi…”

Drake curled his hands into fists. “Maxwell?”

“Eep!” Maxwell let out a small shriek.

Savannah looked to be in shock.  “Drake, I…” From inside the apartment there comes a tiny cry.

No. No, that can’t be.  “Is that…”

“Mama’s coming, Bartie!” Savannah called. She hurried away from the door.

Drake gasped. “Mama…?”

Emma turned to him, worry evident in her eyes. “Savannah’s got a baby?! Drake…We need to stay calm.”

Drake looked at her incredulously. “Calm? At a time like this?! Calm is the last thing I’m feeling right now!”

She can’t possibly expect me to remain calm! Honestly! Doesn’t she know me at all??

She glared at him. “You need to get calm, then! For Savannah’s sake!”

He shook his head furiously. “I shouldn’t even be here. Savannah didn’t want me here. She didn’t want me involved in her new life. I should go. I’ll only upset her if I’m here.”

“Drake, you don’t know for sure that’s true.”

Oh yes, I do.  “If she wanted me around, she would’ve called. Written. Anything. Let’s go.” He retreats toward the hallway, but Emma grabs his arm.

“You just found her after all this time. We can’t leave now. We need to be here for her. Just stay a minute to talk to her. If she really wants us gone, we’ll go.”

Drake rests his hand against the doorframe and sighs. He glares at Maxwell, who starts talking nervously.

“Uh, can I get anyone some water or anything? No? Tea?”

“Are you going to talk or what?” Emma said angrily.

Drake looked at her in surprise. Why does she seem just as angry as I am right now?

“I…better go get that tea! You said you wanted tea?”

“No one wants tea.” Drake hissed.

“There’s the kettle…”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

Maxwell runs off and Emma turns back to Drake. “Wait a second. The baby’s name is Bartie. I bet the baby is named after Bertrand and Maxwell’s father.”

Drake thought a moment. “Barthelemy Beaumont. You’re right.”

God, she’s a genius.

Emma nodded. “I knew I’d heard them mention his name before! If the baby is named after their father, then either Maxwell or Bertrand’s got to be the father…right?”

“Right.”

“I bet the father is Bertrand. I just don’t think Maxwell would be the type to let her go off on her own. And Bertrand is always so mysterious, like he’s just full of secrets.”

I know that look. She’s plotting.

“Well…”

“Shh…they’re coming back.”

Drake looked back up to see Savannah and Maxwell approaching with Bartie. “Savannah…before you say anything, if you want me to go, I’ll go. I don’t want to force anything you’re not ready for.”

“…That’s not…oh, Drake.” Tears fill Savannah’s eyes. She hands Bartie to Maxwell, and throws herself at her brother, hugging him tightly.

“Oh!” Drake holds her close for a minute., completely caught off guard by the affection.

“I’m so sorry I shut you out. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t think you’d understand. I didn’t want to ruin things for you at court.”

Drake gaped at her. “For me? Savannah, don’t you know that your happiness means so much more to me?”

She sighed. “I know. I guess I always knew. I just wasn’t ready to reach out. But now that you’re here…I’m so glad to see you I could cry. Again.”

*Goo!* Bartie breaks in

Maxwell smiled down at him. “Don’t worry little guy. No one forgot about you.”

Savannah met Drake’s eyes hopefully. “Drake are you ready to meet your nephew?”

Drake couldn’t stop himself from glancing over at Emma first, before turning back and nodding to Savannah “Uh…yes?” Savannah places Bartie in his arms, and he cooed up at Drake, who was suddenly very nervous. “I…am I doing this right?” He noticed the baby was no longer cooing but looking at him strangely. He glanced at Emma again.

She gave him a soft smile. “Drake…here, let me help. This hand should go here…and then…” She positions Drake’s arms so he’s securely holding Bartie, who immediately gives Drake the cutest smile he’s ever seen in his life, and Drake couldn’t help but adore him already.

For a moment, he forgot about talking to Savannah. When he heard her say “Aw” he looked back up at her.  “Just because you’ve got me holding this little bundle, don’t think that you’re going to avoid any questions.”

Savannah shook her head. “No. I’m ready to talk to you. Go ahead.”

“Well, let’s start with…what happened? When you left, I mean.”

“It was a very difficult time for me…At one of the Beaumont’s house parties Bertrand and I ended up alone in the study. I’d always thought the world of him, but I didn’t think he’d ever look twice at me. But that night, we talked for hours…and then…Well, I’ll spare you the details.”

“Thank god.” Drake breathed out.

She continued “But suffice to say, this little miracle was the result. I didn’t even realize I was pregnant until a month later. I went to tell Bertrand, but before I could even get a word in, he started giving me a big speech about how we couldn’t be together.”

Drake furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you saying…?”

“Bertrand doesn’t even know about Bartie. I tried to play it cool and tell him that I was fine…But as I left the Beaumont House, I couldn’t help crying….”

“And that’s where I come in…I saw Savannah in tears and got the whole story out of her.” Maxwell chimed in.

Emma looked between the two of them. “Wait a second…Maxwell, have you been sending Savannah money?”

Oh my god, she’s right. That explains everything.

Maxwell looked sheepish. “Oh, you figured it out, huh? Yeah, I try to help out here and there…”

Savannah chuckled. “Maxwell’s being modest. He’s been amazing. This apartment, all our food and clothes…He’s sent us money for everything, so I wouldn’t have to get a job.”

“Well, little Bartie needs his mama. And I knew things would be hard enough without Bertrand in the picture…”

“Savannah, why don’t you want Bertrand to know?” Drake asked, ignoring Maxwell

“Psh, Drake. Can you imagine anything more pathetic? I don’t want Bertrand to feel like he’s obligated. It was my choice to become a single mother. I don’t want to drag him into this now or make him feel pressured to be with me because of Bartie. He made his feelings quite clear on the matter, and I don’t want him thinking that I had Bartie to get him to change his mind. I might not have Bertrand, but at least I have my pride.”

“Savannah, I have to ask…Why did you accept money from Maxwell? If you didn’t want Bertrand to find out?”

Damn, Rose has so many good questions. I’m so glad I brought her.

“I didn’t want to, at first…but Maxwell can be very insistent.”

“Most people use the term ‘annoying.’” Maxwell stated.

You got that right.

“I could never say that about you! When I didn’t accept his first payment, he sent gifts instead. A crib, prenatal vitamins, ridiculously frilly baby clothes…”

“It was the least I could do…He’s a Beaumont, after all…”

This is…just unreal. I can’t believe this is happening. He knew this whole time.

“Anyway, I’m very glad to see you, Drake. I was dreading this, but…you’re taking it a lot better than I thought you would.” Savannah told him, breaking him from his thoughts.

Drake rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Honestly? I missed you so much, I just want to be here for you however I can. And for little Bartie, too.”

“Aw…Drake.” Savannah gives him a big hug, then pulling away she turns to Emma. “And you, Emma, Maxwell’s told me all about you.”

“Really?” She asked, clearly surprised.

“Of course! Maxwell keeps me up to date on all of the courtly gossip.”

The clock on the wall starts chiming and Drake glances at it. “We should be getting back before Lady Emma is missed.”

Why the hell did I just call her Lady Emma? God, I’m so messed up from this.

Savannah nodded. “Yes, it wouldn’t do for Bertrand to get too curious and discover where you’ve been. But thank you all for coming. I’ll treasure this memory.”

“You need a family portrait to remember it!” Maxwell exclaimed

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” Drake snapped at him

“Aw, it’ll be nice! A token to remember this by.” Emma placed her hand on Drake’s arm again, and his eyes fluttered closed for just a moment, before Savannah started speaking.

“I would like that. Something to show Bartie what Uncle Drake looks like, so he doesn’t forget you!”

Drake looked at Emma once again, who was still holding his arm. “Oh, fine.”

A slow smirk started to spread across her features. “If only you had something nice to wear…”

Oh, no.

He frowned. “You’re talking about my suit. You want me to put it on, don’t you?”

“I absolutely do.” She told him, full on grinning now.

The things I do for her.

“What a nice idea. I’ll get dressed up too.” Drake and Savannah change, then reconvene in the living room with Bartie.

Maxwell pulls out his phone and the two of them step back. “Hmm, it’s a little too dark in here. Let’s go out on the balcony so I can get more natural light!”

“Isn’t this fine?” Drake mumbled.

“No, and I’m the photographer here, so do as I say.”

“But not as you do.”

Savannah laughed at that. “You haven’t changed at all, Drake. Come on.” Drake and Savannah stand outside on the balcony with Bartie. Maxwell snaps the picture.

“You can send it to my printer!” Savannah disappears for a few minutes before coming back to the group. “Here Drake.” She handed him a picture

Drake looked at it…and started beaming. “Oh, this is…”

Rose will love this.

“Here, Emma, take a look.” He pulled her back towards him.

She looked at the picture, then looked back up, straight into Drake’s eyes. “Drake…I always knew you were a total marshmallow at heart.” She said softly, never breaking their gaze.

He just shrugged. “When it comes to family…”

“Even Drake can’t keep up the grumpy act.” Savannah informed.

Family…Emma…What’s next? What is she turning me into? I’m not mushy. Why am I being mushy?

He goes to hand the photo back, but Savannah shakes her head. “I want you to take a copy, too. That one’s for you.”

“R-Really?”

She nodded quickly. “So you can think of us and remember this happy day.”

Remember? As in…not happening again…?

“I hope I’ll get to see you more from now on too.” He tested nervously.

“I…I think I’d like that. I love you, big brother.”

Drake broke out into another huge grin. “Love you too, sis. And you, little guy.” He gives Savannah a huge hug and kisses Bartie on the forehead.”

“Get in here, both of you!” Savannah gives both Emma and Maxwell a big hug too.

“Savannah…I’m here for you anytime!” Emma told her happily.

“Thank you, Emma. That means a lot. I haven’t had many people in my life lately. But I think you’re someone I’d like to get to know better.”

Drake looked at Emma, who was smiling widely at his sister. The two women I truly love…together and happy. This is perfect…so perfect…except…

“Now we’d better get back before we’re missed.” I wish we didn’t have to. I wish I could stay in this moment.

“Good luck out there.” Savannah told them

“Thanks.”

“Give the little guy a kiss good night for me!” Maxwell called.

Okay, I could stay in this moment without Maxwell. Definitely without Maxwell.

“Always.” She replied.

Emma, Maxwell, and Drake head out the door and back to the limo. “That went really well, I think.” Maxwell broke the silence.

Drake gave him the death stare. “Don’t think you’re off the hook.”

“Huh?”

“You knew where Savannah was this whole time! You know how worried I’ve been about her! You could’ve said something…at least dropped a hint that she was okay!” Drake accused angrily.

“Yeah…you’re right. I just didn’t know what to do. I’m really, really, sorry Drake. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I just couldn’t. It wasn’t my secret to tell. We’re still friends, right?”

Drake continues his glare. Asshole.

Maxwell slunk back into his seat. “You think about that for a while, and we’ll come back to it.”

Emma sighed. “In the meantime, let’s head back to the train.”

When they arrive, the main room is deserted. Maxwell heads to his sleeping compartment and Drake walks Emma back to her suite. She walks inside. Drake stops and leans against the doorframe, sighing.

“Well, here you are.” I don’t want to leave.

“Yep. Here I am.”

Drake avoids her gaze, tapping his fingers on the edge of the door. “Hey Rose…Thanks for convincing me to do that.”

“Don’t mention it.” She shrugged.

He swallowed. “I…I want you to know…you’re a good friend, Rose.” I will never not want more with you. You’re the one for me, always. If only things were different. But since they’re not…I at least need this friendship. Drake smiles sadly at her, then turns to go. “Good night.”

“Drake…Don’t go. I want you.”

He froze, turning back towards her slowly. “Rose…”

Emma stepped towards him. “Are you telling me the feeling isn’t mutual?”

“Rose…you know damn well that it is.”

Stop asking. We’re not meant to be.

She bit her bottom lip and Drake’s gaze immediately fell to it. “So, this all comes down to will power, huh?”

She leans closer to him, so close that their lips are almost touching, but then she stops. He breathes in sharply. Don’t move, Walker. Don’t do it. You know this will only end badly.

“You’re a model of restraint, Drake.” She whispered.

But it’s killing me. Literally. I think I might die if I’m not closer to you. “Don’t tempt me too far, Rose. I’m only human.”

A second later, her lips were on his, closing the distance between them and kissing him deeply.

Yeeeesssss please kiss me forever

“Rose…” Drake pulls her close, spinning her so he pins her against the wall. He kisses her again and again, his hands running along her body, desperately craving her touch, craving all of her…before he pulls himself away with a groan.

“You’re all of my weaknesses, you know that?” He told her, breathing heavily.

“It’s one of my charms.” She smirked.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Now I really am leaving.”

“Goodnight.”

That’s it? Just like that? Hell no.

 He approached her again, cupping her face with his hands, kissing her slowly and savoring her flavor one last time. “See you tomorrow, temptress. Don’t forget, we’ve got a big night tomorrow.”

“You mean the bachelor party? I’m ready.”

“Good. I’m ready too, and I’ll be right there with you.” I’ll be here til it really is over. Until then…I’ll take these moments in between.

She gave him a half-hearted smile. “Thanks. Something tells me that if I’m going to confront Bastien and finally get some answers, I’ll need all the help I can get.”

Drake nodded sadly and left her room. He better have some good fucking answers, too.

   @blackwidow2721 @sleepwalkingelite @flowerpowell @annekebbphotography @carabeth @gardeningourmet @eileendannie @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul @alesana45 @thequeenofcronuts @agent-bossypants @zigortega4life

 @hrhdes @drakewalkerisreal @akrenich @feartheendlesssummer @moonlightgem7 @i-miss-trr @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction @crookedslimecreatorpasta

@notoriouscs

[casography]

“It Always Was” Update Delay

Unfortunately, Chapter 3 is not quite ready yet, but it almost is! This week just got away from me since I worked six days in a row. I’ve been shooting for Tuesday as my publishing day, but this week will have to be tomorrow or Thursday, then maybe I can get back on track next Tuesday. :)

For now, here’s a scene of what’s to come: Two Scottish ladies sit down at a bar. The rest pretty much writes itself.

.....

"Word to the wise, liquor hits harder right after a resurrection," Rowena imparted. "Best to take it slow."

"Thank you," Amy said earnestly.

"So, your fella's quite the fusser, no?" she asked in amusement after a moment, earning her raised eyebrows from Amy. "Well we could've blathered on for an hour about your history and my tragic past, but life's short sometimes. I say get right to the good stuff."

"Oh, no, he's not my...fella," she said, elongating the last word awkwardly.

"Really?" she said with a tone of surprise. "That was quite an embrace you two shared back at the bunker."

Amy hurriedly shook her head. "No, no, we're just...friends. Best friends. It had been a long time since we'd seen each other."

"Yes, I heard. Centuries for him," the witch said dramatically.

"Yeah, he'd never go for that type of thing, you know," she said confidently. Amy wasn't sure why she was adamantly trying to quash this woman's idea of her and the Doctor, except that she was sure why. If this got back to him, Amy might have to deal with the awkward and dramatic klutziness he always displayed when confronted with amorous concepts of any sort. She wasn't ready for that just yet. Maybe after a few more drinks.

"What, romance? Certain circles would beg to differ, love," Rowena said smoothly, taking the last gulp of her drink and gesturing to the bartender.

"Him?" Amy said sternly, pointing a thumb over her shoulder and shaking her head. "No, trust me, I tried before..long ago." She hesitated, then smirked. "Quite literally a lifetime ago."

"So have others," Rowena insisted, unswayed. "And succeeded, rumor implies."

Now Amy was confused. "How would you even hear something like that?"

"The man's famous throughout the universe, darling, kind of hard not to hear," she explained. "Although he's been tragically silent for some years. I suppose now I know why."

Amy felt a knot of dread in her chest. "What? What do you mean?"

"Well, the reigning story is that he spent centuries in isolation, mourning a terrible loss," Rowena said sympathetically. "And if you weren't that 'terrible loss,' I haven't the foggiest what it could've been."

"Really?" Amy turned to look at the Doctor, who was fiddling with the sonic screwdriver. She'd gotten the impression from Cas that he'd been alone for some time, but it had been quelled by her conversation with the Doctor after their reunion. Was he actively lying to her? Could she even be angry, seeing as she was holding on to her fair share of secrets, too? And her secrets weren't little. Not even close.

"I know a few spells if you'd like to get to the bottom of it," Rowena offered, taking a sip of her drink. She noticed the young woman seemed rather upset at the knowledge that her "friend" had been alone. Maybe this mission wouldn't be so boring after all.

Amy turned back to her, giving her an unconvincing smile. She wasn't even surprised that this woman had just revealed herself to be a witch; it made sense that someone on this trip was. "Thanks but...I'll take it from here."

"Aye, there's a good lass," Rowena said proudly—and loudly—making Amy laugh. "Self-sufficiency makes queens of us all."

Amy laughed again. "I think you've had enough, yeah?"

"Psh, I'm just getting started," Rowena said, waving a hand at her.

[purplesurveys]

850

what was the last movie that you watched, and what did you think of it? I haven’t been watching movies during quarantine, actually. The last one I watched was Two for the Road, last April. It’s my favorite movie ever so I loved seeing it, as always. I’ve been watching shows a lot more and the most recent thing I watched was the Shut Up and Dance episode of Black Mirror. It’s an okay episode but it just makes me paranoid so there are other episodes I love a lot more.

can you sit through an extreme chick flick? I like romcoms as long as the acting is ok, like The Proposal or 13 Going on 30. I can’t deal with straight-up romance movies with acting or screenplays that make me want to stab myself in the throat, like The Notebook or A Walk to Remember. Overall they’re generally a hit or miss to me.

does gore in movies bother you? Nope. Whenever I catch gory scenes I just say to myself that the blood is ketchup and that some of the other goopier effects are just peanut butter and chocolate to make it easier to stomach. Also. Dude. I watch wrestling – the blood and dislocated body parts over there are as real as it gets, so fictional gore shouldn’t be a challenge to me.

what is honestly one of the best movies you’ve ever seen? Good Will Hunting. 

have you cooked anything today, if so, what? Nope, though I did have a cinnamon roll from Cinnabon for breakfast.

what is a food that you are absolutely craving? Pad thai and banh mi.

have you ever been on a cruise before? Yes, around East Asia. It was a gift from my parents for my 18th birthday.

what would be your ideal vacation? I’m honestly good with anywhere as long as the place is swamped in a rich local culture and has many museums. I probably wouldn’t enjoy a city as much if it only has buildings and towers as tourist spots (which is what Manila is, so if anyone’s planning a trip here it’s smartest to go to the provinces lol).

what do you wish that you had more time in the day to do? Oh god, free time is all I have now. This question would definitely be more answerable if everything was still normal.

how many hours of sleep, on average, do you get per night? I would say it ranges between 4-6. Doesn’t matter what time I’ll sleep, I keep waking up at six in the morning. Been that way since my fever last month.

is it harder for you to fall asleep or stay asleep? Fall asleep, because I sleep like a rock. Though these days I also wake up easily now because of Cooper’s whines when he wants to play, do his business, or is hungry. Maternal instincts kicking in, lol.

are you currently sick with anything? Nothing other than period cramps and headaches. Though when I got that nasty fever last month I did get scared because it came with a cough and slight chest pain. The hospital I went to actually gave me a Covid symptom test and asked me a bunch of questions about my travel history, which made me all the more paranoid. Thankfully we could tell early on that it wasn’t Covid because the virus required dry cough, and mine definitely wasn’t dry.

do you know anyone who has had the swine flu? No, but my school had to suspend classes for a week because someone else in the community got it.

are you going to watch any of the nfl playoff games? I don’t care for American football.

who are you rooting for to win the superbowl? I just pay attention if Beyoncé’s showing up at the halftime stuff, man.

do you have an older brother? Biologically, no. But I view my favorite cousin, that I grew up with, as my older brother since it really feels that way. 

do you ever play board games, or have you grown out of them? I definitely grew out of them very early on. Just never became my thing.

did you ever own a pack of gel pens? For sure. The glitterier, the better.

what were the worst fashion trends that you witnessed in school? We had a uniform and a very strict dress code (in the rare days that we had to come in casual), so no one got to dress up in just whatever way they wanted. I never liked when people covered their entire arm in those rubber wristbands though. I always thought the look looked kind of cheap.

do you know what snooki’s pouf is? Of course. Aw man, I miss her haha. 

do you celebrate christmas? Yes. Christmas gives me depression more than anything else, but I’m present at all family gatherings. The reunions distract me, so when it comes down to it they’re a good thing so I don’t complain.

what is a goal that you set for yourself in 2010? 2010 was a bad year, so while I don’t remember any specific goals I made I think I just made it a point to not kill myself.

did you kiss anyone since the new year? Yeah, but only until March. 

do you still purchase cds? Not anymooooore. I bought my last ones in 2013.

did you see the movie avatar? Nope. Not a fan of the genre. When I saw blue-skinned beings in the little snippets I’ve seen, I was out lol.

have you ever broken any bones, if so, which? I haven’t.

were you a quiet child or a loud child? Definitely a quiet kid. A little too quiet, actually. I was too shy to ask for permission to go to the washroom so I’d hold it in and always end up having accidents.

how old were you when you learned to ride a bike? I still haven’t learned how.

what do you think of the conflict with the show jersey shore? Never saw anything beyond the pilot because my dad didn’t allow me to watch the show. I was like 11 or 12 when it first came out, so the ban was valid.

do you put product in your hair daily? Yes, conditioner.

[vanilla--blossom]

***WARNING: SPOLIERS AND A SUPER SUPER LONG COMMENT!***

I loved this episode, it was an emotional roller coaster. Although this post is going to include thoughts on the whole series in general, mainly on Javier’s relationship with Kate and with David and Gabe too. Also just opinions of the characters individually. (It’s going to be a long post, sorry). The ending I got was Javier, Kate, Gabe and Conrad surviving (thank god) and David being bitten so Gabe has to shoot him to prevent him from turning. I chose to save Tripp in episode 4, therefore Ava came along with the group before she died, which was pretty much the only scene I didn’t like in this episode, it was very sudden and I think my game glitched so it cut some dialog or really small scenes so it was over very quickly.

It’s sad because I did like Ava and it was a hard decision on who to choose to be shot (when it came to that scene in ep 4, I didn’t choose either the first time and then ended Javi ended up getting shot lol, I DIDN’T WANT EITHER OF THEM TO BE KILLED AH and I was so shocked when Joan ended up killing the opposite person you wanted to save, such bullshit).

Anyway, on Kate and Javi’s relationship, when I started playing this season I was completely against the intimate/romantic relationship between them, every time some dialogue came up where you could flirt back with Kate, or kiss her or whatever, I didn’t choose those options and when it came to either rejecting her or sharing her feelings, I rejected her. She’s married to David, like you don’t go for your brothers wife? They’re brother and sister in law, bit incest? What about Gabe too? Bit weird for his uncle to start dating his farther’s wife? Plus I knew that David would NOT be happy when he found out, I kept rejecting her so David didn’t have any reason to want to fucking kill Javier and I always saw David’s good side so I wanted to be a good brother to him.

All that changed though when I watched a YouTuber’s Let’s Play of the episode. I don’t know, as soon as I saw them kiss I was just like yes. Instant support. Maybe it was Kate’s awkward confession, and her little excited, “oh my god! Really!?” reaction like she actually couldn’t believed Javi shared her feelings? Ahh it was just too cute. I went back and replayed the season, keeping all other choices the same expect the romance between them. It got me thinking, Javi and Kate have been on the road together for years, they thought David was dead, it was more than hinted that David was an abusive husband as well and Kate was really unhappy with him. They’ve been raising Marianna and Gabe all this time like they were practically their own children and have you seen the way the interact with each other? They have a great dynamic, Javi is so sarcastic, he’s got great banter and Kate can handle it and give it back, they’re always making each other laugh and smile and feel better and clearly they’re just way better suited for each other than Kate is with David. I chose the option for them to kiss after their reunion at the junkyard when I replayed and all Marianna says is “Gross.” Like she’s not at all bothered or angry her step mum is smooching her uncle? Because she can see how much they love and care for each other. Plus it’s a fucking zombie apocalypse, if you love someone, go for it, because you don’t know when your last moment will be with someone, no matter how fucked up the situation is, they were both really really happy in that moment at the junkyard and in the van, plus at the end of the episode too.

This brings me to David and Javi’s relationship. Apart from the Kate thing, I still tried to be a good brother to him, I took his hand after the fight when their dad died, I supported him in his decision to go to the army and promised to watch over Kate and and the kids. I hugged him in the quarantine cell, I stuck by all his plans (not to mention about Marianna & to stay and fight in Richmond, not siding with Kate), I even shot Joan for him. David was a fucking arsehole I admit that, but I did have a little soft spot for him, I always wanted him to redeem himself and for him to show the good person I believed he was inside, I get really attached to the characters, and I think the main way to enjoy the walking dead game is to not focus too much on the lack on character development with a few of the characters or the crappy pacing, even the bad dialogue selections sometimes. I try to put myself in each and everyone of the characters shoes and feel what they are feeling and try and understand.

So when it came to the scene when David found out about Javi and Kate’s relationship and started beating up Javi and was trying to kill him, I chose Javi to say “I love you” 3 times. The final “I love you brother” absolutely broke me. During this fight I was literally crying my eyes out, I could not stop crying, it was so intense and so emotional, it hurt me so much inside because Javi does love his brother and deep down, David loves Javier too. I started crying after the first “I love you”, because of David’s reaction to Javi saying that. He looked so shocked, like he couldn’t believe he heard that from him, which leads me to believe that was the first time Javier ever told David that he loved him. What makes it even more sad is that was the last time he ever said he loved him and also the last thing Javier ever said to David was “I love you brother”.

Other things that made me cry even harder during that scene, when Gabe rushed in to try to get his Dad to stop and David just hits him with the wrench. Like could you imagine your father doing that to you? Especially how much Gabe respected and loved his Dad, Gabe stuck up for David and was on his side throughout the whole season, and then to have everything you thought about your Dad to be proven wrong? After all that, he still chose to go with David because he is his Dad. He is family, he is blood. It’s heartbreaking. Also the little notification that you get if you choose to say I love you three times “you kept your promise to be a good brother”, like holy fuck shit. There I go, I was already broken in half, now I’m broken into quarters. Fuck my life, I was emotionally unstable.

I know a lot of people hate Gabe, just like they hated Duck in season 1 and I just don’t understand why? For both of them. Duck was just a special little boy, he didn’t understand everything was going on, in my opinion I think he had some sort of mental disability, or he was just really dumb who knows. But he was just a little kid, who talked too much and made bad decisions but how was he supposed to know what would happen? Being so young, so naive, he was such an energetic optimistic boy, ignorance is bliss they say right?

Anyway, enough about Duck, back to Gabe. Gabe was 14 years old, he was growing up and going through a really tough time, he has to deal with puberty, hormones, mood swings, testosterone levels are soaring, he wants to grow up. He doesn’t want to a little kid anymore. But the thing is he doesn’t know how. And imagine how hard it would be in a zombie apocalypse to do that. He thinks he’s saying and doing the right thing but he’s not, he wants to prove himself capable, he wants to prove that he’s smart and he can fight and protect himself and protect others, he believes he can. No one else does and so obviously that makes him frustrated that no one will take him seriously. It’s especially hard for him because his role models are Javier and David, two badass, lean mean fighting machines. He wants to be like them and he wants to be like them now but he can’t. Bless Gabe. He was an annoying little shit yeah but he’s a good annoying little shit. It’s all about seeing things from his point of view, imagining if you were him.

Which leads me to Gabe and Clem’s relationship. Disregarding the crush they both have on each other for a second, pretend that doesn’t exist. I love Clem and Gabe’s relationship. Oh my god, how can you not? I’m sorry but how long has Clem gone without a friend her age? Since fucking forever that’s how long. The only kids she’s ever been with is Duck and Sara throughout the entire series. Clem has been through so much shit, she’s been through hell, she’s lost Lee, Kenny, Luke, AJ, all the most important people to her throughout the series, she’s the toughest little girl in the world, she was forced to grow up so much quicker than she had to. Lee taught her to shoot a gun at 8 years old okay. She’s more intelligent and strong and brave and mature than anyone ever has to be at 14 years old, if it weren’t for her appearance you would think Clementine was a fully grown adult. She raised AJ, a toddler, thought of herself as a mother, a real mother to AJ and she’s just still a kid herself.

This is why I fully support her friendship with Gabe, in the van and they were playing euchre together, Clem just got to be a normal teenage girl for a couple of minutes having fun and joking with a teenage boy. Like Kate said it’s just so normal? It’s nice to see, and I can’t remember who said this in the game but “life doesn’t mean much without people you can relate to”, Clem and Gabe relate to each other, they’re in the same boat, Clem understands Gabe and makes him feel better as Gabe does with Clem. I’m sure all of us know how it feels not to be understood and when someone comes a long and shows you that they do understand it’s a relief.

Back to the crushing part between the two, it’s again NORMAL AND FUCKING CUTE! It’s a little harmless crush, of course they’re going to have a crush on each other, it’s the first teen girl Gabe has ever seen since the outbreak, and Clem is really pretty and nice, of course Gabe is going to have a crush on her. It made me smile at the end when Javi was like to Clementine “you know the guy has a crush on you right” and he was all like “oh my gosh you have a crush on him too!!” and then Clem got all embarrassed and flustered and exclaimed “I DO NOT!”, again this is so funny and just adds a bit of lightheartedness and normalcy to the game, yes they’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse but characters get to be happy once in a while and just pretend that world hasn’t gone to hell. All in all, loved the season, especially loved this episode! Phew what a rant, you have reached the end, props if you read all of it.