#making it to our 30s was always supposed to be about being able to care less about what other people thought of us

[ravenlocksentwisted]

Some millenials were popular in high school and it shows.

I have *lots* of practice not caring what teenagers think of me.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

It's Hard to Believe | Jungkook One Shot

Summary: Getting pregnant with your best friend's baby definetly wasn't a part of the plan... Pairing: f!Reader x Jungkook (fwb, f2l) Word Count: 2.7k Warnings: A tiny bit of explicit and suggestive language but nothing crazy a/n: This is something I started writing at like midnight and it's kinda shit but I thought I might as well post it since I haven't posted in a while (Like five days short of a month wtf?!?!? How has it been that long?!?!) (I just barely checked rn lmao my bad 🥲) p.s. I kinda wanna do a full on series on a concept like this but it'll be different and less fluffy but that won't be happening for a long ass time but yeah lol Requested by a lovely anon 💜

"How am I supposed to tell him?" I ask my friend Sam for the millionth time since I found out. "Y/n just tell him. You guys have been friends for how long?" she asks and it's like I'm having deja vu from both of our responses. "Like ten years" I mumble and pull my sweatshirt sleeves down over my hands in an effort to stop my nervous fiddling but it only makes it worse. 

"Right and you guys have been messing around with each other for over a year now, maybe even more...I don't wanna know" she says while holding her hand up in a way to assure me that she doesn't need the details. "Just tell him. If he's as great of a guy as you keep on telling me he is then I promise everything will be okay" she says and places a hand on my shoulder before she gets up off my couch. 

"Where are you going?" I ask while she shrugs on her jacket. "Didn't you say he's supposed to be here around five?" she asks and I nod my head, checking the clock and seeing that it's already 4:30. 

"Yeah...are you sure you don't wanna stay and say hi?" I ask and she glares at me. "Let me know what his response is to that bun in the oven and then we'll talk. I wanna figure out if he's an asshole or not before I decide to waste anytime on him" she says while lacing up her shoes. 

"Promise me you'll tell him tonight?" she asks and lifts up her hood, getting ready to shield herself from the pouring rain outside. I nod my head reluctantly, that being way more progress than I've made for the past few weeks since I found out. "I promise" I utter under my breath and she smiles, pulling me in for a bone crushing hug. 

"Text me if you need me" she says, worried for what might happen but hoping for the best. "I will...thanks" I whisper and she nods her head before walking out of my door and turning slightly and waving to offer me one last farewell.

I close the door after I see her get into her car and lean my back up against it, steadying myself for a second and taking deep breaths, trying to stop my racing heartbeat before pushing off of it and tidying up before Jungkook gets here to distract myself. 

Sam has been the only one I've been able to count on and honestly the only person I can trust since I haven't told anyone else. She was the one I called when I missed my period and she's the one who brought me a pregnancy test...and then when out and bought me ten more because I couldn't actually grasp the concept that I was pregnant...am pregnant.

Jungkook and I have always been careful and taken all the necessary steps to keep this from happening but I guess we got careless this time. 

Through out this whole arrangement we've made it very clear to each other that we're not sleeping with anyone else but neither of us are looking for any sort of commitment either so that's why this has gone on for so long. 

Like it or not though we're going to be committed to each other in one way or another no matter what because I'm keeping this baby. No matter what he says I'm keeping them. 

Jungkook is my best friend, the one person who has been there for me through everything. He's seen me at all of my highest highs and especially at my lowest lows and no matter what he's never made me feel shitty about it. I know he's not the kind of guy that'll turn on you because of something like this but I can't help but still feel terrified. 

This wasn't supposed to happen but even if this child wasn't made with love from his side...it was made with love from mine. 

I don't know how long it's been since I fell in love with him but I know I shouldn't have said yes to this whole fuck buddy ordeal. I just couldn't stand the thought of him being with someone else so when he offered up the idea I said yes.

I figured that if this was a way to prevent him from getting his heart broken by all those sorry excuses of girlfriends he's had in the past then I guess I'll be okay with breaking mine.

He's been acting different lately though. He's been a lot touchier, asking to come over more often, going out of his way to help me with things, offering to feed me all the time and all of it is making me feel like he already knows. 

Does he know? Have I started showing already? I haven't really noticed a difference in my body yet but he looks at me naked a lot more often than I pay attention to myself naked so I mean I guess he could've noticed right? 

Only one way to find out though...

A half an hour later I hear him take out his keys and unlock my door and soon I'm greeted with a smile that tugs at my heartstrings. 

"Hi baby" he says, using that pet name he's become very fond of since this whole ordeal started. The sound of it after finding out I'm pregnant with his baby has made me a little uncomfortable though since I haven't told him yet. 

Don't get me wrong I love it when he calls me that but I can't help but think that if this goes south that he won't ever call me that again. 

Maybe the hormones have started to scramble my brain already because those uncomfortable feelings are quickly thrown away when I take in the sight of him after he shrugs off his rain coat. A simple black baggy hoodie and jeans engulf his form and the comfy sight just makes me want to curl up in bed with him and forget about everything and everyone.

Just him and I, it's always been him and I. I just don't know if this little one is going to change things. 

I place a hand on my stomach for a second as a way to gain some strength from my itty bitty baby before finally working up the courage to greet him.

"Hi" I greet him softly, walking over to where he's stopped to take off his shoes and when he looks back up at me he smiles again and kisses me. I sigh into it, savoring it for just a little bit longer and when it finally breaks he looks down at me with concern now written all over his face. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, sensing that something's off right away from the just the small change in the way I kissed him. I hesitate for a second then simply hold out my hand for him to take and he does, following behind me as I lead him over to my couch. 

Getting this over with sooner rather than later is my best option right now so there's no reason to delay. 

He needs to know, he deserves to know.

We sit there in silence, longer than he would like us to since I can tell how tense his body has gotten in a matter of minutes. "Y/n you're scaring me" he whispers, not wanting to pressure me but relaying his feelings. 

I take a couple more deep breaths before finally starting. "I need you to listen to me and I need you to please not speak until I'm finished" I say while looking down at my lap, not being able to meet his eyes. 

He murmurs a soft 'okay' and waits for me to continue, taking one of my hands and placing it in his lap. He needs some form of physical contact to keep him grounded since he's not too sure what to expect and I let him, knowing I need some reassurance too. 

Even if I don't know what his reaction is gonna be, in this moment I need it more than ever.

"I guess there's really no right way to go about saying this because this wasn't supposed to happen so I'm just gonna come out and say it..." I start off and he squeezes my hand, encouraging me to keep going. 

"I missed my period...over a month ago...and I haven't had it since then" I say and finally look up at him where he has an unsure expression. It's not one that's mad or disappointed with what I've said thus far which is a good thing but more like he's trying hard to hold himself back so he can keep that promise. 

His hold on my hand hasn't loosened, in fact it's gotten even tighter and that gives me hope that we'll work this out so I take another deep breath before continuing. 

"I tried to kid myself into thinking that it was late but when another week passed by I got nervous. I asked Sam to get me a test and it came out positive. I didn't believe it and thought it was a false positive and so to ease my mind she went a bought ten more from a bunch of different brands and...all of them came out positive" I say and he still looks at me with that same expression, waiting for me to give him the okay to speak and so I do. 

"How long have you known?" are the first words out of his mouth and although they're not negative they aren't necessarily positive either. "About a month now" I say and he nods his head, taking another second or two to formulate what he's gonna say next. 

"I'll support you no matter what you decide" he says and I let out a breath I didn't even know I had been holding in. "I wanna keep it" I say and he nods his head and smiles softly at first and then as the seconds go by it gets wider and wider making my heart beat faster. 

"Am I allowed to get excited now?" he whispers and I can't help but chuckle as tears start to prickle my eyes and give him a nod. "You're excited?" I say, my whole being slowly overcome with emotion. 

"How could I not be?" he scoffs playfully but that answer has me confused. "But Jungkook we're not together. I mean we're not in a relationship, we're just friends" I explain and there's a playful glint in his eyes after I say that that's making me even more nervous.

"You wanna know what I thought you were gonna tell me?" he offers up, slightly changing topics but I look at him in a way to urge him to continue. "I thought you were gonna break up with me" he says and I smile, "Jungkook we're not together. How could I break up with you?" I chuckle in disbelief. 

"Correction, I thought you were gonna break up with me before I even got the chance to ask you to be my girlfriend" he says with a grin and my jaw drops, the dots all connecting as to why he's been acting so different lately. "You were gonna ask me to be your girlfriend?" I utter quietly as if we were in a crowed room and I had a secret for just the two of us.

"I had actually planned on asking you tonight" he explains, walking over to where he had placed his backpack on the floor, taking out a bouquet of slightly squished flowers. "Sorry they're all beat up. I forgot and rode my bike over here so I didn't really have any other option but to put them in there" he says almost as if he was nervous, rubbing the back of his neck and it's then that I notice how pink his ears have gotten. 

He is nervous

I take them from him and smile, waiting for him to say it but he simply stands there and admires me and I can't help but laugh. "What so funny? I told you what happened to them" he utters through pouty lips which only makes me laugh more. "No, no it's not the flowers it's just that...don't you have something to say?" I ask, calming down my chuckles and when he looks at me with the same confused expression I have to try my hardest to keep the laughter at bay. 

"Do you have something you would like to ask me Jungkook" I rephrase it and after a second his lips go from a pout to the shape of an 'O' as he's figured it out. "Oh um, yeah, right. Well I um" he starts off, rubbing the back of his neck again while stuttering and trying to find the words and after struggling for a second I decide to poke fun at him again. 

"Jungkook I am literally carrying your child and you're too afraid to ask me to be your girlfriend?" I laugh, giving him a slight reality check which he scoffs at before responding. 

"I was trying to remember what I had rehearsed to say to you but now that you're being a little brat I guess you'll never get to know all the nice things I was gonna say" he retorts, his voice suddenly taking on a darker tone that sends a shiver through my body and he smirks when he sees my reaction to it. 

He cups my face and rubs his thumb along my bottom lip, making them part and he leans in as if he was going to kiss me but stops just shy of my lips. "Will you be my girlfriend?" he whispers, nudging his nose against mine and making me smile. 

"I'll have to think about that" I play coy with him which he chuckles at. "You know if you weren't pregnant right now I would have thrown you over my lap for that smart mouth" he warns and I smile before leaning in and kissing him for just a second before pulling back. 

"Yes I'll be your girlfriend" I say and nudge my nose against his as well and before I can register it my back is on the couch and his lips are pressed against mine, the kiss not rushed but full of so many words that have yet to be said and he gives in, not being able to hold it in anymore.

"I love you" he says, pulling back and looking down at me to see my expression which is completely dumbfounded to say the least. "You what?" I ask and he chuckles, "Is it really that hard to believe?" he points out and I guess now that I think about it it really isn't.

"I guess we've both been in love with each other for a while now huh?" I smile and his eyes light up at my round about confession. "Say it" he says, and I can feel my cheeks heating up. I hadn't planned on actually saying those three words to him even though I've felt them for so long but I don't want to hold them back anymore. 

"I love you" I whisper and he smiles, "Say it again" he repeats, clearly not believing it just yet. "I love you Jungkook" I say and the little switch up with attaching his name to the end darkens his gaze. "I guess there's no chance in me getting you pregnant a second time right now huh?" he asks, sliding his hand up my thigh and I giggle. 

"No I think that's pretty much impossible but the odds are never zero" I say and he rolls his eyes. "I'm trying to tell you that I wanna hit it raw" he states the obvious while rolling his eyes. "I know I know...and the answer is yes Daddy" I tease, testing to see how that word affects him now that he knows.

He tongues his cheek at that making me bite my lip, knowing that's gonna be even more of a trigger word for him from now on. "Daddy huh? Well I guess that title is a little more fitting now isn't it?" 

Taglist: @jkslipppiercing @trina864 @kaitieskidmore97 @goddesofimortality @coolbluedude @coralmusicblaze @whoa-jo @00frenchfries00 @pastelpinkjoon @joonwater (Rest of the tags will be done in the reblogs 💜)

Join my Taglist!

Feel free to fill out the form or just comment on any of my fics to be added :)

[eyebagshawty]

Hello! May I request Lae’zel, Karlach, and whoever else you want to write being washed by the reader. I find the idea of bathing and taking care of someone to be really sweet.

Headcanons + Blurbs for Being Taken Care of/Washed by Tav

A/N: Hello! Sorry for just getting around to requests and other things now, the end of the semester got pretty crazy (at least I passed everything !) and now I’m finally able to focus and get out of this rut. Thank you for your patience and I hope you like it!

Characters: Lae’zel, Karlach, Shadowheart, Wyll, Gale, Astarion, Halsin

Part 2

Lae’zel

• When you first offer to wash up with Lae’zel she’s mostly confused and kind of annoyed - there’s already a tadpole in her head, and that’s enough lack of privacy.

• “Chk. At my crèche these things are normal. However, you istiks insist on attaching emotional meaning to such things… no.”

• However the more she thinks about it… you two have shared a bed more than once. She respects you more than the others; when she tells you to speak she also makes sure you know she will listen. She supposes that maybe connection wouldn’t be so bad with you of all people.

• She just walks up to your tent, grabs your hand, and says “Fine.”

You meet her at the waterfront and- is she nervous? Her gaze wavers between you and the night sky, feet firmly planted into the ground and arms across her armored chest. You get most of your armor off, but that last clasp just has to give you trouble. “Lae’zel, could you help me out with this?” It’s silent for a tension filled moment, and you’re about to ask again.

“Chk.” She walks over and with ease undoes the clasp. She’s back to feet firmly planted and arms crossed, only looking at the sky. You unfurl your hair from its practical braid and keep your eyes on her. “I wish I could show you the Tears.” Your eyes widen when you think about the first night she invited you to her bunk, how hard getting used to this unusual plane must be for her. You place your hand on her shoulder and she tenses, but relaxes after she’s brought back to the moment.

“I wish I could see them.” You whisper to her. You ‘help’ her out of her armor (she’s just letting you at this point, she could’ve been out of it in 30 seconds flat) and you both hiss as you enter the cold water. After a soft and asking touch, she allows you to undo her hair and wash it. You gather her hair gently into your hands and have her lean back to the water. As she does, you can see that she clearly hasn’t been this vulnerable in maybe ever. You give a soothing stroke to her scalp and she hums. As you lather the looted soap into her hair and scratch your nails lightly, you hear her sniffle.

“Lae’zel… are you alright?” You stop your ministrations but keep a hand cupped at the back of her neck.

“My-my queen is false. I will never ascend. Tsk’va, I’m an enemy to my kin. I don’t want to be on this plane anymore… I miss the astral. I must fight but I do not know how to keep going.” She quickly wipes her tears and looks at you. “Speak, source of my bruises. I will always listen.”

With her hair looking clean, you slowly move the bar between her shoulder blades and move it in soothing circles. You kiss her temple. “My love, this situation is quite a mess. Tadpoles in our heads, endless injuries, and I cannot imagine what this world must be like for someone who has never been in it. We will get through this. I’m here. I’m yours.” With that she shows an inkling of a smile as she stares into the water in thought. You continue to bathe her with soft kisses in between every swipe of soap along with words of reassurance. You are hers, the source of her bruises.

Karlach

•Once Karlach is able to touch people again, she is ecstatic to wash up with you. She’s barely been able to keep her hands off of you since, so when you offer she squeals.

• “Of fucking course soldier! Who knows, we might even be able to turn that river into a hot spring.” Her eyebrows waggle and your face goes beet red.

• When you meet her she definitely cannonballs into the water and complains when it’s shallow

• “Aw hells, that’s gonna be a kink to work out in the morning.”

• You guys don’t bathe for a good 15 minutes, she’s just kissing you and rubbing your sides and it’s so SWEET

She breaks away from the kiss and wades further into the water. You grab the soap from the grass and follow after, settling your arms around her neck and wrapping your legs around her waist. Her fingers come up to pinch your nose and she flops backwards into the water, leaving both of you sopping wet when she comes back up. “Gods Karlach you’re gonna kill me,” you sputter as you cough out the bit of water that got in your mouth. She pats your back and lets out a full bellied laugh.

“That’s right soldier get it all out,” she grins. You shoot her a playful glare. When your collective giggles finally die down, you bring the bar of soap up to her hair and begin lathering and spreading it with your fingers. Her eyes close with a serene smile. You make sure to get the area around her horns, and she kisses your cheeks as you take care of them. “You know… after Gortash. After… Avernus. Nobody has taken care of me like this in so long. So fucking long.” She sighs as you bring the bar to her neck and chest, taking away the near pints of blood the party had spilled earlier.

“I’ll make sure it never is that way again. I love you, and no matter what happens you deserve to be free from all of this.” You meet her gaze as the bar moves to her shoulders, and you see fear.

“Tav… my heart.” She lets out a choked sob and a tear streams down her cheek that you immediately wipe away. “I finally have you after so godsdamn long, and I don’t want to lose what’s most important. Not again. I’m just so scared.” She breaks down into tears and her skin heats up warmly under your skin. You crush her into your chest and she buries her face into your neck, where you rub soothing circles into her scalp along with kisses.

“You won’t lose me. Whether it be in Baldurs Gate or Avernus, I’ll be here.” She lifts her head and you kiss her nose, where a little flame sparks and then snuffs out. She lets out a soft chuckle as her mood cools. “I promise to you we’re gonna kill that pathetic little fucker and anyone who helped him.” Her lips meet yours and you kiss back with eager passion. As you pull away you go back to soothingly rubbing the bar across the planes of her back.

“Wait- didn’t you grab this soap off a dead guy?! GROSS soldier!”

Shadowheart

•She immediately says no

•Not because she doesn’t trust you, she just can’t swim and finds it a bit embarrassing for her powerful presence

•After you finally convince her it’ll only be where she can stand, she agrees.

• “A bottle of wine, my lover, and a nice grassy beach? It’ll do,” she gives a sarcastic but playful smile.

•You two get plastered on Chultan Fireswill before you hop in

After one last swig from the bottle Shadowheart takes your hand and leads you into the water. You stop at around three feet deep and get to your knees. Her braid whips around her shoulder as she serenely begins to scrub away blood with the soap bar. “I love this silver color so much. It illuminates you as some would say,” you utter softly, and she chuckles. She slowly takes her hair out of the braid’s confines and your jaw drops at how long and pretty it is as it flows down her back. You look pointedly to the bar of soap. “May I?”

She squints at you in playful suspicion then smiles. “You may.” You lather the soap into her hair and she lays her head back into your chest as you scratch lovingly at her scalp. She brings her hand up to your cheek behind her and whispers, “The moon looks beautiful tonight.” As soon as the words leave her lips the wound in her hand opens. She hisses and sits back up. As she looks back to you, her gaze looks broken. “After everything I’ve been through with the dark lady, I don’t think this will ever go away.”

You inch your hand closer to hers, placing your pinkies over each other. “It’s horrible… what she did to you.” She grins bitterly but moves to interlace your fingers, rubbing the back of your hand with her thumb.

“I just wish I could remember any of that horrible stuff. I want to be angry. But mostly I’m only numb. She was… she was everything to me. And although it is horrible yes, it’s all so new. Being away from her.”

She nods in confirmation as you move the bar of soap to her chest, the motions soothing her and making her eyes soften as she watches you. “I understand,” you whisper as you lean up to kiss the shell of her pointed ear. That’s all that needs to be said, Shadowheart thinks to herself. You’ve become more than her greatest companion in her eyes, she trusts you’ll be there through thick and thin. “We’ll just have to make new memories,” you smile, and as you finish rubbing the soap across her body you throw it back to the grass, pulling her into a loving kiss as she wraps her arms around your neck.

Wyll

•When you offer to wash up with Wyll a MASSIVE blush runs across his cheeks

• “Are you sure? ImsurethehornsfreakyououtandtheresbumpsinotherstrangeplacesIdontwantyou-“ he basically starts talking at a mile a minute about how it might be awkward for you

• “Wyll honey, I can just meet you there while you’re already in if that’s more comfortable for you” and you give him a sweet smile and his face goes red AGAIN

By the time you get to the waterfront, you see Wyll propped against a rock, the water resting at waist level with his arms propping him up. You throw him a shy smile. He has a sly grin and nods your way, beckoning you towards him. You twirl your finger and mouth, “Turn around!” He lets out a silent chuckle and turns his head towards the mountains beyond the lake.

You slide out of your evening clothes and grab the soap bar laying on top of your towel. As you wade further into the water you let out a shriek — it wasn’t winter right? Wyll turns around and laughs at the sight; you’re rubbing your arms with chattering teeth. “It is quite frigid tonight, huh? I think I’ve got a cantrip in me for a special someone.”

You look around, bemused, as to how spells could possibly help you out here. Wyll shoots a fireball into the depths of the water, your skin instantly warming up. However, it doesn’t last long as the lake cools back down to freezing. You swim at the speed of light over to Wyll and wrap your arms around his neck. “Sorry, I just need something. By the nine hells you think a blizzard would be rolling through,” you laugh. When you’ve warmed up enough, you take the bar of soap and gingerly begin to wash and lather his hair and horns, kissing the scars across his face.

Wyll looks down at you, surprise slathered across his face as you finish up with his head and move to his broad shoulders, kissing everything infernal you can find. “Tav…you like this?” He brings up a hand to your cheek as you continue your ministrations. You cup water in your hands and gently rinse away the soap on his chest.

“Of course I do, Mizora could make you look fully cambion and I would still have the strongest of feelings for you. You’ll always be my dashing, strong, Blade of Frontiers,” you peck his neck with each last word, and he laughs, kissing your forehead with a soft cherishing smile.

Gale

• When you offer to Gale, he gives you the most devious look you’ve ever seen

• He hasn’t been around others for so long till now, much less bathing with anyone, and he’s grown pretty strong feelings for you so he love love loves this idea

• “My dear Tav I would love to! You know how I enjoy your body after a battle, all the sweat covering your skin and the flush of your cheeks”

• He’s not your quietest companion so everybody does hear this and everybody does let out an exasperated groan

• Your face flushes even further than when you asked him and you squeak out an okay and run to your tent

When you meet up with Gale at the waterfront, his tunic is already off, showing his surprisingly wonderful muscles. He kisses you upon greeting, and helps you out of your evening clothes with a soft caress here and there on every part of your body. You grab your soap and lead him into the water, the water being just warm enough for your plans.

He gathers you into his lap, his cheeks a light red as he grins up at you. You lather the soap and scrub it into his hair, listening to his groans and praises as you work. You kiss his cheeks as you move to his chest, and he finally opens his eyes again, looking up at you with those big round puppy eyes.

“This is surprisingly wonderful. I remember doing things like this for her, running water through her hair and lathering the finest oils onto her skin, but she never once did anything for me.” You stop your work, looking up to his eyes with an expression of shock and sadness. His eyes bore just as strongly into yours, and his thumbs rub circles into your hips.

“Gale… you are worthy of being loved. What she did to you wasn’t right — it never was, even from the beginning if I’m getting my facts straight. She isolated and took from you. I never want you to feel like that with me.” You kiss his cheeks and his hairline, and his lips follow yours, chasing to press them together.

They finally do, and his kiss is filled with eager passion, pouring every thought he’s had about you into you. When you pull away he lets out a soft whine, bringing his hand to your neck. “I’m in love with you, darling. And I know and trust that you feel the same, any need of the tadpole be damned.” You smile and begin to continue rubbing the soap into his stomach, but he stops you. He brings his lips to yours once more, and he rolls you over onto your back in the water, letting you prove how loved he is.

Astarion

• His eyes go soft and round when you ask him

• “Really?? Little old me??” Even after the graveyard and all your reassurances, he’s still moving towards actual coupley things

• “You’ve never wanted a luxurious meal and bath together my love?” You take his hand stroke his fingers with care

• If he could blush he would, but he just sputters with the goblet of wine he has

• He collects himself back into charming mode, “Well then, I thought you’d never ask. Come find me when you’re ready.” He kisses your cheeks and literally just walks off into the woods, leaving you standing at the entrance to your shared tent looking absolutely befuddled

When you find him at the hot spring the camp had discovered last night, he’s already in the water with his eyes closed angling his head towards the night sky. His ears twitch as he hears you begin to take off your evening clothes, and his eyes open to look at you with a rakish smile. “Why hello, my treasure. The water feels amazing.” You smile, grab your soap and head in. Immediately you groan with relief, the hot water soothing the aches from your nasty fight with some undead earlier.

Astarion moves closer to you, taking the most warmth he can get. You bring your arms around his neck and just stay there for a minute. He hugs you back, burying his face into the crook in your shoulder. You fingers lightly stroke against his raised scars in a loving motion, and after his breath hitches he melts into your touch, practically purring as you lavish him with affection. When you pull away his loss of heat is devastating. However, he calms down when you begin to wash his hair, scratching at his scalp and running the hot water over his curls.

“I don’t think I’ve ever let anyone touch my hair like this,” he mumbles. You kiss his cheek and move the bar to his chest and shoulders, working out any aches and pains he might have.

“Well, now you have me my love,” you whisper, kissing the tip of his ear.

“I just can’t believe that after everything you want to stay. The sky is beautiful tonight, but it is all I will ever know once this mindflayer business is said and done with.” His words are bitter, almost as if he is angry with himself.

“It is all we will know my love. And I’m actually quite the night owl. As much as I love our ragtag group, I’m quite introverted around most of society. Everything is fine,” you kiss his bite marks, the hollows of his cheeks, and finally his lips. He kisses you back fervently, pouring care he was never able to show for anyone else previously. You pull away and finish gently washing the rest of his body in silence. As you prop your neck to the side for him, he looks at you with an expression akin to great offense.

“Darling! I thought you knew me well enough to know the bath is never over after only soap.” He waves his hand over to the small crate of oils he’d brought to the spring. “Now, I’m feeling lavender tonight. How about you my love?”

You give him a beaming smile, wading out of the spring to retrieve it. “Sounds wonderful, my heart.”

Halsin

• You don’t even really have to ask him, he’s just joined you most of the time to protect you

• He doesn’t like you venturing out in to the woods by yourself, because Silvanus help him a lot of people are after you guys

• “Of course my heart — Scratch is licking at his paw a bit so I need to inspect that, but I will join you in just a couple of minutes.”

• With an encouraging woof from Scratch, you caress his shoulder and go to collect your things

You’ve stuffed all the stuff needed for the bath into two large bags, your arms making you crouch downward with the weight. As Halsin walks to meet you he sees this, chuckles, and wild shapes into his bear form. He takes the bag handles into his mouth and nudges your leg with his snout. You pet his head and hop onto his back, him letting you ride on it as you both make your way to the water.

On arrival, you hop off and he drops the items into the grass. As his bear form is used most in combat, you grab out a bottle of soap you’d nicked off of that crazy dog handler in Rivington. You drizzle it all over his fur and gather some of the river water into a bucket. You begin scrubbing the soap into his fur, and he lets out cute little groans and growls. When you finish you dump the bucket of water onto him, and he lets out a noise of surprise. He turns back into regular Halsin, his hair soaked down against his head with playful exasperation.

“My heart, you did not need to release the full power of a waterfall onto me I assure you.” You laugh and beckon him into the water. He wades in and smothers you with kisses.

“Halsin please! I need to breathe!” You giggle, pushing at his chest. He finally settles down, pulling you into his lap.

“Thank you for helping me with the shadow curse. Thaniel he… he needed us. He needed you.” He settles into a somber smile, nuzzling his nose against your temple.

You trace your fingers across his chest, leaving kisses that follow. “I knew the lands needed our help, and I’m glad he’s free from the curse. All we have left is this elder brain, and we can go back to the grove and live in peace.”

He tilts your chin up with his hand, and looks tenderly into your eyes. “I would be blessed by Silvanus to spend my thousands of years with you.” He crashes his lips into yours, one of many you’ll share over the passage of time.

[jamdoughnutmagician]

Teenage Dreams (13 going on 30 AU) - part 1

Eddie Munson x Reader

Being 13 sucked, all the cliques and groups in school, fighting for popularity and all you wanted to be was 30, flirty and thriving, just like the cool girls in Star Magazine.

Next Part ->

Word Count:2,763.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Masterlist // Eddie Munson Masterlist

*dividers by @saradika-graphics

Thirteen, what a terribly awkward age for anyone to be. Never quite sure about where you were supposed to fit in. All the popular girls would pour over the latest gossip magazine, nattering about which heart-throb of the month they thought was hotter. You couldn’t help but overhear the shrill giggling about how far they’d gone with their boyfriends, with a scandalised scream from the group when Stacy Evans revealed how she had made out with her boyfriend at Jessie Miller’s party last week. The boys weren’t much better either, all hanging out in their groups, guffawing and joking, rating seemingly every girl in the cafeteria on a scale of one to ten.

And you weren’t an exception to this, no. As you carefully weave your way through the bustling school’s cafeteria, balancing your tray in your arms you catch the attention of Jason Carver, the most bone-headed of all the boys, but he was a promising young talent in the school’s basketball team, so he got away with a lot of the stuff he did and said, with nothing more than a light warning breezing past him.

“Nice Hello Kitty shirt, did your mommy pick that out for you?” comes Jason’s shouted remark, high-fiving his crew when they laughed at his joke.

“Hey, Carver, leave her alone! All you care about is throwing balls into laundry baskets anyway!” and there was Eddie, your best friend in the whole world, always at your side through thick and thin. He slings a friendly arm over your shoulder as he walks with you to your usual seats. “How’s it feel to be turning the big one-three, you’re officially a teenager now!” He laughs playfully.

“Don’t remind me!” you squeal back, shoving his shoulder with a laugh of your own.

As you walk with him to your seats, you are once again stopped in your tracks, confronted by Nancy Wheeler, the school’s resident popular girl and her small army of followers who went with her everywhere.

“Hey, bestie can I talk to you for a moment?” she narrows her eyes towards Eddie “Y’know, just us girls.”

“Alright, I can take the hint, Wheeler. I’ll catch up with you later, okay?” Eddie smiles before walking off.

“The girls and I were so excited about coming to your birthday party tonight, and I told Steve Harrington about it and he said he wanted to come with us,” Nancy started, twirling a dark, bouncy curl around her finger.

“Really?”

“Yeah, but Mrs.O’Donnell is up our ass about this group project, and Steve said he would help us out, so I guess nobody is going to be able to make it, which is a shame, because we really all wanted to come.” she says with a tilt of her head and an almost pleading look in her blue eyes.

“I could write your report for you.” you offer.

“Fabulous!” she cheers, her pink lip gloss glinting under the fluorescent lights “Then I’ll see you at your party I guess.” She smiles, and with that, Nancy is gone, her gaggle of girls following closely behind her.

Eddie walks beside you as you make your way home, your backpack slouching down your shoulders with every step.

“Y’know I can’t believe you invited Nancy and her army of girls to your party tonight.” Eddie grumbles

“They’re my friends!” you defend.

“Nancy and her clones are not your friends, okay?”

“Well not yet anyway, but they’re so popular and I just think if I could get them to like me, maybe I could hang out with them.” you explain. “I mean it’s middle school, right? And not being popular is like, total social suicide.”

“I thought you didn’t care about that stuff! Why would you even want to hang out with them in the first place? You’re way cooler than them. They’re always so concerned about following “the latest trends”, they’re all so unoriginal!”

“I don’t want to be original, Eddie, I want to be cool!” you whine.

Eddie shakes his head at you dismissively, before reaching into his pocket.

“Want some skittles?” he asks, pulling out the brightly coloured packet.

“Skittles are for kids, Eddie.” you scoff with a laugh before holding your hand open to him.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” he smiles, dumping a handful of skittles into your palm. “I’ll see you at your party later, birthday girl.” 

You wrap your arms around him in a hug, saying your goodbyes,  before going your separate ways.

You fluff your hair in the mirror, swiping on a sparkly layer of strawberry pink lip gloss and adding the finishing touches to your baby blue eyeshadow. The electric sound of Van Halen’s ‘Jump’ stream through the tape player in your bedroom, it was a mixtape Eddie had put together for you for your birthday last year full of all the songs that he knew you liked plus a few more that he thought you might enjoy.

You turn yourself around in the mirror one final time, smoothing down the wrinkles on your flouncy pink party dress with your hands before putting down your lip gloss on your cluttered vanity table when you hear your mother knocking at your bedroom door.

“Honey! Can I come in?” she calls out.

You offer her a grumble of affirmation and she swings her way into your room.

“There’s my little birthday girl!” she squeals, pinching your cheeks.

You pull away from her, groaning with embarrassment.

“Mom! Stop teasing me, I’m not a little girl anymore, okay! I’ve got to look perfect if I want to get in with Nancy and her friends!”

“Oh, darling, you don’t need to worry about stuff like that. Just because you don’t look like the girls in Star Magazine, doesn’t mean that you’re not beautiful in your own way.”

“But I don’t wanna be beautiful in my own way!” you whine. “I wanna be like these girls.” you say, pointing to the beautiful, fashion model in the magazine spread out on your bed. They seemed to have it all figured out, always looking so effortlessly beautiful and carefree, without the stress of teen angst looming over them at all times. Thirty, flirty and thriving, the article had read, and that’s what you wanted. To be a flirty thirty-year-old without a care in the world.

“Sweetie, there’s a reason you don’t look like these girls, they’re models.” comes your mother’s response.

“I want to be thirty.” you pout.

Your mother hugs you close, placing a kiss to your forehead.

“You’ll get there one day, but until then, you’re my beautiful thirteen-year-old daughter.”

You’re alone in the basement of your house where it’s been decorated to within an inch of it’s life, brightly coloured streamers hang from the ceiling and a sparkly ‘happy birthday’ banner is plastered to the wall.

Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ music video plays from the small tv in the corner of the room, and you can’t help but join in with the familiar dance. When the music video first came out, you and Eddie had spent ages learning the routine religiously, it was one of the few songs that you both liked, the music being fun and funky enough for your tastes, whilst the music video was the right amount of creepy and spooky to capture Eddie’s attention.

You get lost in the music, the dance moves so ingrained in your brain that they come second nature to you, so much so that you fail to hear the creaking footsteps as Eddie descends his way down the steps to the basement.

“Happy Birthday!” he shouts, carrying a large pink box in his arms all neatly tied up with a sparkly bow. “I’ve got you a special present!”

“Oh my god, Eddie!”  you beam. “You know you didn’t have to get me anything!”

“And come to my best friend’s birthday party empty-handed, come on, you know that’s not my style.” he smirks as he sets down the box on the table. 

“What is it?” you look at him eagerly.

“Well it’s your birthday present, why don’t you go ahead and open it up and find out?”

You pull at the ribbon bow and lift open the box to reveal a carefully hand-built princess castle dollhouse. It’s carefully made with lots of little cardboard boxes stuck together, painted a soft baby pink, complete with hand-painted twirling vine flowers climbing up the spiral towers. Inside the walls are lined with lavender paper and colourful candy wrappers in place of stained glass windows.

“Remember, how you said you wanted the Barbie princess castle for your birthday last year? Well I wanted to give you something better than Barbie’s castle, and give you your own castle.” he smiles. “Look, and there you are, the birthday princess in her castle!” he smiles, nodding towards the miniature princess figurine, painted to look exactly like you in the mock-up throne room. “It was a D&D miniature I had been saving for this exact moment!”

“Oh Eddie this is beautiful!” you bubble, this was the sweetest thing that anybody had ever done for you.

“Wait! I almost forgot the best bit!” he smirks, reaching into his pocket to pull out another miniature D&D figure. “Can’t have a princess castle without a knight in shining armour to protect it now, can you?” It was a small knight, painted to look like Eddie, with his long dark curls, holding up a sword and a shield. “Thought you might need me to help protect you and your castle from those pesky dragons.”

You marvel at the amount of thought, care and attention to detail that Eddie had put into your present, your smile beaming across your face.

“And for the finishing touch, just a sprinkle of wishing dust!” he says, sprinkling a small amount of iridescent silver glitter over the castle.

“Wishing dust?” 

“Yeah, wishing dust knows what’s in your heart of hearts, your true desires and will make all your dreams come true.”

You and Eddie have a moment of peace, before the doorbell sounds out across the house.

“Oh they’re here!” you squeak, rushing around to tidy up as best as you can before letting Nancy in. “I’m just going to put this away for a moment, just so there’s room for everyone here.” you say picking up Eddie’s hand-made castle and putting it in the broom closet.  “Put on some music, please Eddie!”

You make your way to the front door, quickly smoothing your hands down your party dress before opening the door to Nancy and her gang of girls.

“Come on in, the party’s downstairs.” you smile, gesturing for everyone to make their way into your house. One by one all the girls follow Nancy inside, everybody shedding their jackets and dumping them into your arms as they go.

Just as you were about to close the door, Steve Harrington rolls up, with his friends Tommy and Billy trailing closely behind him. He was so cute, way more popular than you’ll ever be, but it never stopped you having a crush on him. He was the boy that all the girls wanted, with his head full of soft, shiny, bouncy hair and charming smile, it wasn’t hard to see why he had all the girls falling at his feet. The most popular guy in school, and he was coming to your birthday party. 

“Hey, Steve!” you wave him in, trying to play it cool. “The party's just getting started, come on in!”

Downstairs everyone was gathered together, and Eddie had put on his music, a noisy mix of screeching guitar strings and heavy drum beats. I suppose in leaving him in charge of the music, he was bound to play a little Metallica.

Although, however much Eddie was rocking out to Master Of Puppets, everyone else turned their nose up at his music choices. Particularly Nancy, who took it upon herself to wander over to the stereo, flick the switch off and eject the tape from the player, filling the room with immediate silence.

“You know, it’s only you who actually likes this music, freak.” Nancy sneers, pushing the tape into Eddie’s hands.

“Whatever,” Eddie shakes his head, making his way over to you “I’m going to head next door, go get my guitar, okay?” 

“Do whatever you want, Eddie. It’s not like I need a play-by-play of everything.” you tell him, in an effort to look cool in front of Nancy and her friends, which earns you a tittering giggle from the group.

“See you later, loser!” comes a whining laugh from one of Nancy’s friends as Eddie walks away.

“Hey, I have an idea of how we could spice up this party!” Nancy pipes up, flouncing across the room. “We could play Seven Minutes in heaven!” 

Everyone nods, a murmur of agreement sounding.

“..And since you’re the birthday girl, it’s only fitting that you go first.” she smirks, taking her satin scarf from around her neck and tying around your eyes as a blindfold, before walking you towards the open door of the broom closet. “You just go in there, and we’ll choose some lucky guy to follow you in, and then he gets to do whatever he wants with you for seven whole minutes. I know Steve is dying to spend some one-on-one time with you” comes her bubblegum sweet voice in your ear.

Nancy steers you into the closet, her hands on your shoulders.

“Before I forget, you did write my project report for Mrs. O'Donnell's class, right?” she asks.

“Yeah it’s on the table.” you nod.

“Thanks. Remember, keep that blindfold on and no peeking! Oh! And by the way, Steve’s big on going to second base.”

Nancy quietly locks the closet door, leaving you stuck inside waiting for your perfect first kiss with Steve Harrington.

Nancy and her gaggle of girls, along with Steve, Billy and Tommy make their way out of your basement, walking back up the stairs, passing Eddie as he comes back down.

“What’s going on?” Eddie asks, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“She’s waiting for you in that closet over there!” and with that Nancy leaves, quickly dashing from the party in favour of something more her scene.

Eddie shakes his head, Nancy had been bitchy enough to think that it was funny to leave you locked up in the cramped space of the broom-closet. He unlocks the door to see you sitting on the floor of the cramped up space, with the scarf tied around your eyes.

“I thought you weren’t going to come.” you say softly, thinking that finally you were going to get the chance to kiss Steve Harrington. “Where are you? I can’t feel you.” your soft voice comes out as you reach your hands out to find your man of mystery.

Eddie quietly allows himself the moment to reach his hand out to yours, letting his fingers interlock with yours.

“Oh Steve, I knew you were worth waiting for.” you sigh dreamily.

“Sorry to burst your bubble” Eddie laughs uncomfortably.

“Eddie?! What are you doing here?” you gasp, pulling the blindfold from your eyes. “Where’s Steve? Where’s everybody gone?” 

“They all left!” 

“What did you do?” you ask accusatorily.

“I didn’t do anything! I just went to get my guitar, and when I came back everyone was leaving!” Eddie defends.

You feel the red hot flare of embarrassment eating away in the pit of your stomach. Embarrassed that Nancy would actually want to be your friend, embarrassed that someone like Steve would actually go for a girl like you, but most of all upset at the fact that in reality, nobody wanted to come to your birthday party.

“No, get out!” you cry, pushing Eddie away from you.

“Wait! Please just let me talk to you! Please!” he pleads, but it all falls on deaf ears as you sink back into the closet, closing the door, leaving you to sit with your emotions.

“Leave me alone Eddie! I hate you, I hate me, I hate everybody!” you cry out shrinking into yourself, bringing your knees up to your chest, and slumping your head in your folded arms, letting your frustrated tears fall freely.

“I want to be thirty!” you cry out. “I wish I was thirty, flirty and thriving!”

A glistening sparkle washes over you, as you hug yourself tighter, wishing so hard that all of this was just a bad dream, that you were going to wake up from this and be living your dream life.

Thirty, flirty and thriving.

@paybacksawitch @penguinsandpotterheads @ali-r3n @aphrogeneias @eddiesxangel @mrsjellymunson @munsonology @onegirlmanytales @xxbimbobunnyxx

[hyunsvngs]

Back at it again with my period hormones brain rot of the day (at 6:30 am ofc). Did it take me 40 minutes to write this? Yeah. Did I close at work last night and I'm supposed to wake up in an hour and a half to open today? Also yeah. Do I care? Fuuuuuuuck no. I wouldn't have been able to sleep without writing this out.

Once again, I am not sorry about the length 😌 enjoy ❤️❤️

Hear me out... daddy Channie *and* daddy Lee know 🫠 

They're just always fighting over who gets what hole but still love taking you however you'll let them. Till they decide to come up with a plan

They've already made you cum 3 times so far but ofc they're still not done with you yet. And in all honesty? You literally never wanna stop anyways. They just always take such good care of you and prioritize you over themselves to the point that sometimes you have to literally beg them to cum otherwise you know that they'll just ignore their own needs because you're already more than satisfied and they just wanna cuddle up to their sweet sleepy baby.

"kitten. I need you to listen to me, okay? Daddy and I are gonna make you feel real good but it's gonna be a bit of a stretch. I know you can do it, so just sit there and let us take care of you, okay? You trust us right?" Lee know says, gently rubbing your sides to try to ground you and get you to focus a bit better.

And of course you trust them. How could you not? They've never failed to make you feel good. They've never hurt you. They've never ignored your safeword or failed to stop if you ever said the color red. So of course you answer with a small nod and wait for instructions.

"Angel, I want you to lay on me and get comfy, okay? You don't gotta do anything, just get comfy on me" Channie says, petting your hair, waiting for you to roll over on top of him. 

You do as he says and he plants a few kisses right on your temple while holding you with one arm. He takes his other hand and guides himself into you with so much ease due to you cumming 3 times already and still getting wet over how soft they are with you despite knowing how possessive they both were. (After all who doesn't love being taken care of so sweetly? That shit turns me on so much 🥴)

After cockwarming Channie for a couple minutes, you hear the familiar pop of the lube bottle you guys just keep on the night stand and you turn your head to lay on channies chest and look back and see Lee know coating himself in a healthy layer of it. More than you've ever seen him use, and you regularly have anal sex with him and it's even more that what he uses for that. But Lee know just wants to make sure its as easy and comfortable as possible, especially without telling you their idea first.

"Again, Kitten, This is gonna be a big stretch, okay? Think you can do it for me, baby?" He asks. Again, you nod and give him a little smile then get comfy on Channie once again. 

All of a sudden, you feel Lee Know's lubed fingers come up to rub the underside of channies cock that's comfortably sitting inside you. And only then do you realize what he meant by "big stretch."

He slowly lets 2 fingers slip inside you along with channies cock, and the pressure already feels so good that it has you whimpering into channies neck while he's sitting there holding you closer to his chest while telling you how good you're already taking it. 

Lee know slowly works on opening you up more than you ever have been while Channie has been ever so slowly pumping in and out of you to make things a little easier.

"Kitten, I need you to tell me one more time that you're okay with this. It's something we've never done before and we don't have to do it if you dont want to." He says one final time, always wanting to make sure you're okay.

"Wan it daddy.. want both of you inside me. Fingers feel so good.. wan more..please?" You beg him. And the way their cocks simultaneously twitch at your sweet voice. 

"Shhh, angel love, you don't gotta beg. We'll always give our princess what they want" Channie says, nuzzling into your neck to plant a sweet kiss. 

Lee know wasn't kidding when he said it would be a big stretch. His fingers felt amazing but you felt like you were tearing in half when he put just the tip in. You loved it though. Neither one of them was small by any means but they were both big enough that it was already a stretch no matter where you took them.

Channie starts moving again, slowly, trying to distract from the slight sting he knows you're feeling as Lee know slowly inches his way fully inside. All you hear from him is little "fuck"'s whispered here and there. 

You look back to see Lee know with his eyes shut, head thrown back, and lip caught between his perfect bunny teeth. In all honesty, it's so tight that he could have came on the spot the second he put the tip in. But he really wanted to do this so he had to focus really hard so that he could follow through with his plan. 

Finally he's all the way in and the pressure is immaculate. Both of their cocks are pressing on all the right places and that has you clenching around them both. 

Experimentally, Lee know pulls almost all the way out and then shoves himself back in and that has you moaning and whimpering into channies chest. He takes that as his all clear to pick up his pace while Channie keeps a slow and steady rhythm against him. 

Soon enough, you're more than used to the stretch and the boys are just so lost in grinding themself against each other while also inside you, so warm, tight, and wet. 

With the alternating thrusts hitting your cervix so perfectly and the cute little grunts coming from the men you're sandwiched in between, you cum for a 4th and final time, gushing around both men with the cutest little moans and whimpers.

Channie is the next to follow, surprised he even held out that long with all the cockwarming and gentle thrusts he had going on while Lee know was prepping you. And Lee know came as well pretty quickly after that, completely lost in how wet it all was with the combination of all of you guys' cum and feeling chan twitching inside you still.

Chan was the first to pull out due to the oversensitivity and Lee know pulled out after, immediately running to get a couple warm rags to clean everyone up while also starting a bath for you all, while you and Channie just laid there cuddling.

AHHHHHHHHHH fuck I need both of them in me so bad rn 🥴 I'm so horny it's not even funny. My dildo isn't enough 🫠 I feel like a fucking cat in heat rn

woahh WOAHHHH JEEZ!! !THIS IS SEXY I LOVE DP IN ONE HOLE KDJDKGS

[alwayssassydreamer]

Where Do i Go From Here Part 2

"The Promise"

Day 17 of Kikitober

A/N: to fully understand this story you should check out the first part, though it's not a must. The worst third part will be released on october 30

Part 1

Warnings: angst, death, guilt and i don't know what else to put here, SPOILERS: Chapter 1079/ Episode 1112 (kinda)

Characters: Kid x Killer

@devilfruitdiaries

Holding the broken mask that once belonged to his friend tightly in his hands, he heard a soft knock at the door to the old cottage that had offered him refuge since the day he found himself on this lonely island.

With a cracking sound it opened and a tall man with a broad chest and long blonde hair appeared in the doorframe.

"Killer?" Kid couldn't believe his eyes.

"Hey" Killer said softly stepping inside. Before he was able to say something Kid yelled at him thinking about what happened.

"Why did you do that" Anger was boiling inside him.

"I'm your partner Kid, your first mate, your friend that's what I'm supposed to do" Killer said calmly.

"I thought you were dead! Why did you jump in and cover the blow that was meant for me, not you!" The captain yelled even louder. Rage was filling his mind. After days of thinking that Killer was dead, mourning his loss he couldn't control his feelings.

There was anger in his voice but also something else - fear and guilt. Guilt for the first mate being hurt because of his arrogance, fear that he would leave him here - alone in this world.

"Kid, calm down. I always have and always will protect you, no matter what. You're my captain and more importantly my friend and partner." Killer said placing a hand on Kids shoulder giving it a light squeeze.

The red haired captain looked at his first mate. The rage slowly being replaced by happiness and relieve.

The blondes gaze was warm and full of affection.

"I'm sorry Kill, I should've listened to you. We could've sailed away without a fight. But my pride and my desire for vengeance got in the way." Kid stuttered.

"It's ok, don't blame yourself" he reassured him in a soothingly low voice.

He knew no matter how low he was feeling, how shitty everything around them was or how badly a plan worked out Killer was always the one to make him feel like everything was going to be alright. He was his rock. The only one who truly understood, handled and cared for him.

"You found it" Killer said softly his gaze on the broken blue and white mask in Kid's hand.

"It washed ashore, I seriously thought that red haired asshole killed you, you fucking dumbass." Kid paused taking a deep breath biting back a soft whimper before continuing. "Fucking bastard. I swear if you ever die I'm going to kick your ass". Kid grumbled looking to the ground.

This was Kids way of showing that he cared, his way of love.

Killer looked away a sad smile on his face.

"I was scared Killer. I don't know what i'd do if anything happened to you" Kid shouted unable to face him.

"I would sacrifice my life for yours knowing you'd do the same for me" Killer said as an involuntarily laugh escaped his lips. "Promise me one thing Kid, if anything happens don't blame yourself. Don't throw your life away to get your vengeance. Keep chasing, keep fighting for your dream -our dream. Don't give up"

"What are you talking about, I would never give up on our dream and as long as you're by my side we will achieve this dream together. You and me and the rest of the crew." Kid lifted his head staring into Killer's blue eyes.

"Just promise me" Killer was serious about this. Kid could feel how much this meant to Killer. He tilted his head back slightly and sighed.

"I Promise". Kid grumbled with a small smile.

"Speaking about where's the rest of the crew?"

"They're waitin, don't worry I'm with them. Now you are more important" Killer said a smile on his face but only sadness in his eyes.

The moment Kid looked back at Killer he froze.

The face of the first mate was suddenly covered in blood, his breathing got heavier as even more blood dripped out of his mouth.

"What the fuck. Killer what's going on here" Kid yelled panicking as he took hold of his friend dropping the mask.

"I'm sorry but you have to leave this place. Don't give up." Killer whispered barely able to speak.

"Killer!" The first mate's body started to disappear as Kid grabbed him trying to hold him tightly.

"No! Killer please! Don't leave me! Stay with me! Please Killer I need you." Kid shouted voice shaky.

But Killer's body turned into dust.

Thats when Kid snapped back to reality. This nightmare was haunting him since the day he found himself on this island.

Killer’s sacrifice was the last attempt to save Kid from his own arrogance. At least that's what he told himself.

Tears ran down his face as he reached for the broken mask holding it as tight and close as he could. Killer's voice still haunting his mind.

"I can't leave without you" Kid whispered, voice cracked, breaking down once again.

[tonowaritrash]

i can’t remember to forget you

hope you guys like hurt/comfort and pain and suffering.

this ended differently than what i had originally planned. it was supposed to end with tonowari never having gone into reader’s marui , and in my mind that’s still the true ending.

pairing: tonowari x reader

tags: hurt/comfort, oral (fem receiving), p in v sex

minors dni

if there was one thing you understood about the universe it was that you could count on patterns. that no matter how unknown the sea beyond the reef of your home was, you could count on the fundamentals still running their course. you could always count of eclipse ending each night, you could always count on the seasons to cycle through the year, you could always count on the stars telling you where to go. the world may change around you but its core mechanics stayed the same, and that brought you comfort each night.

you wanted to explore, and you’d always told your parents every time you ventured a little too far into the ocean or a little too deep in forest that there was nothing to be afraid of. you knew that if things were unfamiliar you could still count on what you knew. that the fundamentals never changed. perhaps they shifted, but never changed completely. night would turn to day, the stars would stay the same and you would always be able to find your way home.

so when tonowari had taken your hand with a promise adventure to a place beyond the reef, you were more than willing to follow. you were all blushes and giggles and your ilu whistled as though it sensed your excitement. maybe it did, you’d like to think so.

eclipse was approaching when the two of you finally arrived at a lush island about 30 minutes away. it was small but there was a hill in the middle with a large waterfall that was protected by a thick forest and a carpet of flowers. it was more than you’d ever expected.

“i wanted to take you somewhere special,” he said softly, though he was a bit nervous.

“it’s beautiful,” you breathed. “wari, i love it.”

he smiled. “i’m glad. this will make things easier.”

you gave him a curious look but noticed that he was rummaging in his pouch before he took out a string of shells. you gasped.

“i know we’re still young, and my father says it’s too soon to choose a tsahik but…you’re the only one i can see myself being with. it’s not an official necklace, but it’s a promise. for our future. i-”

you kissed him with enthusiasm and he staggered only for moment in surprise before melting into it. he smiled against your lips and when you broke apart he helped clip the necklace into place.

it was a promise. a vow. that his love for you was as reliable as the world around you. that it became a fundamental truth of the universe. just as day would always come and the seasons would always change. he would love you.

that was 10 years ago.

you were so young, so naive back then as teenagers are wont to be. what nobody had told you was that fundamental truths could change, that sometimes the world you knew could become one you didn’t recognise. that people could fall from the sky and take everything. and that promises could be broken.

you were told you would heal after the news broke five years ago. that wounds that were within your heart took time. and you did heal. you were able to leave your marui and contribute to the clan. you could hunt just as well as your peers, and it only took a few months for their pitied looks to disappear. you were able to find a few other men who would court you, though none of them managed to stick around long. it began to get easier when the seasons bled into one another.

you had healed. truly. and you were happy. you had friends who loved you, a clan who took care of you, a whole world that excited you. who wouldn’t be happy?

that’s what you asked yourself as eclipse enveloped your marui and you lit your candles. their fire licked into the warm night as you arranged them, carefully putting them on whatever surfaces you had while humming. you shook out the match you’d made to snuff out its light, but your hand knocked a box off of one the surfaces in the room which caused it tumble to the floor with a mighty crash.

you swore as you picked it up, as it had been given to you by your mother who’d carved an ilu into its side. it held various things you’d found on your adventures: shells, pearls, pebbles and feathers among them. they each had a memory attached.

you noticed that something else that seemed to be a shell had fallen a bit farther and was under a table. you walked up to it and knelt down to grab it, the light too dim to make it out while it was on the floor. luckily it was withing arm’s reach so you pulled it towards you, puzzled by how it seemed to be attached to other things.

as you pulled it toward yourself, however, you felt a familiar dread creeping up your spine. it shook you, but despite your mind wanting to leave it alone, your body seemed to operate on its own.

when it was in full view in front of you, though, you froze. it was a necklace, all too familiar to you with turquoise beads and shells the seemed to glint under the candles’ glow. it was the necklace tonowari had made for you ten years ago, the necklace you wore for years before your world came crashing down on you.

your breath hitched and you could feel the tears starting to fall. this was not how it was supposed to be. you had made peace with everything. you were supposed to have forgotten about him, you even talked to him on occasion when you saw him around.

but you knew the truth, deep down. that every night you thought about him, about what could have been. the thoughts were fleeting but they never went away, as constant as the seasons, your own little fundamental truth. one you tried to reject.

you took in a shaky breath and stood up, walking out of your marui with the necklace in hand. it had to go. you couldn’t hold on to it anymore. you would return it to the sea and let the waves swallow the shells. let eywa deal with it as she saw fit.

the waves lapped at your feet as you looked into the ocean, a familiar sensation. your heart thumped like a drum and your clenched fists hurt as you raised your arm to throw it.

let eywa take it.

you were happy.

you moved on.

you’d forgotten about him.

you…

your hand stilled in the air. the water crashed into itself ahead as the breeze blew you hair in each direction.

sighing, you brought your hand down and turned, stalking back to your marui with the necklace still in your fist. the air that once was refreshing now brought a chill and the previously comforting waves seemed to roar in your ears. the world you’d carefully constructed came crashing down around you in one fell swoop.

you’d never forgotten him. you couldn’t remember to forget him. the necklace was all the proof you’d needed.

it was a necklace of empty vows and broken promises. that love could never be a fundamental truth and that everything you thought you knew could change in an instant.

-0O0-

tonowari fell into a routine.

rise with the day, help his father in the early mornings to prepare for the tasks ahead, assign fishing spots, send out hunting parties of necessary, return home to ronal and attend to her needs then sleep only to do it all over again.

it was monotonous but he drowned himself in it. it kept his mind occupied enough that it rarely wandered and he could stay on task.

but every so often he would see a glimpse of your hair, hear your giggles wafting through the crowd, smell the scent of flowers that you’d kept in your marui and reality would strike him.

in the day he longed to touch you and at night his heart ached for you. he couldn’t seem to forget you.

it wasn’t fair. he’d done everything right, became a capable fisherman that the clan could rely on, served the people just as his father had taught him and then some. he would be olo’eyktan and yet…

he got out of bed, his mind too restless to fall asleep. the world outside of his marui was dark and the sand beneath his feet crunched.

eywa was mysterious in her ways, but was there no justice in this world? a fundamental truth he had held dear as a child was that the good would be rewarded for their efforts, that karma would come around. and yet here he was, a broken man on the inside.

the waves rippled along the shore and he let them surround his feet. the water was cool and he could see a few crabs burrowing themselves into the tide pools. the night was peaceful.

he caught a glimpse of someone a little ways down the coast, a fellow clan member. she looked like she was throwing something bud from this distance it was difficult to ascertain what. curious, he walked closer as it was a strange hour to go about.

after a while she became more visible as she turned to walk back to her marui. he stopped as he realised who it was, blood running cold.

you were holding onto something and you wiped your hand across your eyes as if you’d been crying. he always hated it when you cried. he took a step forward with arm stretched out, a subconscious reaction from years ago, before he stepped on a stick.

you were about to slip back into your home when you turned at the sound. your eyes landed on tonowari who was obscured by a few rocks and you froze.

both of you stared at each other for what felt like hours. tonowari’s heart was racing as his mind filled with a multitude of thoughts that he’d suppressed for years.

“wari?” he heard you whisper.

he staggered forward, nearly collapsing at the old nickname. as though you were a magnet, you took a step too.

“what’re you doing up so late?” you asked.

tonowari’s mouth grew dry. “i could ask you the same thing.”

“i…” you looked down at your hand and tonowari looked as well. there in your hand was the necklace he’d made all those years ago. his heart tumbled.

“i couldn’t seem to let it go,” you said with a humorless chuckle.

you’d held on to it all this time? but…it seemed you were going to throw it into the sea just now. “i thought you’d moved on.”

“so had i,” you replied.

he took another step closer, now he could touch you if he reached out. you were so close but it seemed like you were worlds apart. the last five years…they really took a toll on you.

it wasn’t fair at all. none of this was. future olo’eyktan or not, there was nothing just about how things were. eywa help him.

“i still think about you,” he admitted, despite himself.

“wari…”

“i do. about what we had before i—” he stopped and sucked in his breath. “this wasn’t what i wanted.”

you avoided his gaze and rubbed the back of your neck. this damn necklace. if you hadn’t found it tonight of all nights you wouldn’t be feeling this way.

“you have a duty,” you reminded him. “you’ll be olo’eyktan soon.”

“i know.” he hesitated for a moment before he placed a tentative hand on your shoulder. he felt you tense but you relaxed under the familiar gesture.

“you have to focus on what’s important.”

tonowari frowned at this. all this talk about duty and what was important…it saddened him. “you’re important.”

“the clan is important. you should know that more than anything.”

“i do, but…” he sighed. “it should never have been like this. i made a promise.”

“a promise that wasn’t yours to make.”

the words cut through him like a knife. they shattered him.

“a cruel fate that an olo’eyktan can’t even choose who to give his own love to,” he said with ice. “a bitter irony that i am powerless in the matter that i care for the most. if i’d known—”

“would it have made a difference to the betrothal if you had?”

there it was. the word he despised. the word that had plagued him for five years. plagued you both.

you stepped back, out of the warmth of his palm. the necklace felt like ice in your hand and you breathed in a shaky breath.

“ronal and i…we haven’t mated,” he said softly. “i told her that i wanted to take things slow but i think she suspects there is another reason.”

you bit your lip. “why are you telling me this?”

“i still love you. i can’t seem to remember to stop loving you. i keep…”

“i keep forgetting i should let you go,” you finished softly.

there was a silence between the two of you. the pounding of your heart reverberated throughout your body and you thought it would punch itself out.

“i wish things were different.”

you paused for a moment before reaching out and giving tonowari the necklace that haunted you. you curled his fingers around it securely and gave his fist a soft kiss.

“for what it’s worth,” you said, “i still love you too.”

you gave his hand a final pat and detracted. tonowari held onto it firmly, fighting tears that threatened to fall.

he hadn’t known what to expect when he spoke to you. perhaps he’d thought that things would change, but as you walked back into your candle lit marui he could feel a lone, hot tear fall down his face.

you were right, ultimately. he had a duty to his people. it was best to move on. he knew this. and yet…

and yet as he watched the candles flicker out one by one he couldn’t help but think about how unfair it all was again.

he gripped the necklace tightly as it seemed to burn through his hand. all the pain and hurt and love it contained resonated through him.

to hell with duty.

“eywa, forgive me,” he muttered before walking into your marui.

you turned at the intrusion after snuffing out the last candle, surprised at tonowari’s large form towering behind you suddenly. you’d forgotten just how large he was as he didn’t like to use his size to intimidate others. but right now it seemed liked he took up the majority of your marui.

“wari, what’re you—”

his kiss surprised you into silence. melding his lips with yours you kissed him back almost immediately out of a habit still embedded within you despite years of being apart. it was desperate and hungry, with you frantically grabbing everywhere you could, feeling him.

he picked you up and manoeuvred you onto the table, the sound of displaced objects clattering around you. you didn’t care. his touch quenched your burning desire for him and you drank him in eagerly.

he kissed your neck, remembering exactly where you needed him most. everywhere his lips touched you burned and you panted, swallowing down a moan as he bit you gently.

tonowari shrugged off his clothes and helped you out of yours. he took one of your breasts in his hand and kissing it. you whined as pleasure bloomed from your most sensitive parts.

he moved down to your thighs and you shivered as he held your hand, fingers interlocking with each other. your entire body seemed to burn with a desire for him and your cunt was already soaking by the time he gave your bud a tentative lick. you choked down a sob from how good it felt.

tonowari moaned as he tasted you, and pressed himself into you like he couldn’t get enough. as though he needed this as much as you did. and you firmly believe he did.

you knew you were a goner as soon as he put two of his thick fingers inside of you and it didn’t take you long before you came, crying his name.

he smiled and stood to kiss you gently. you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him as close as you could. you wanted him everywhere. you wanted to drown in him.

tonowari gripped one of your thighs and pushed it back, opening you up to him. you were dripping onto your table, legs quivering from the stimulation.

you felt his weighty cock teasing your entrance. it slid up you slick cunt deliciously and you whined. tonowari chuckled before lining it up and pushing in.

he moaned a little as he stretched your walls and kissed you as you begged him to go deeper. his cock rubbed against you in exactly the right places and you shivered as you felt it rub against your walls. you’d forgotten how incredible it felt to have him inside you like this.

when he bottomed out he paused and you both panted as you held on to him. he chuckled as he looked down at where the two you connected.

“i’ve been thinking about this every day for five years,” he muttered before he cradled your face gently.

you kissed him but this time it was slow and full of passion. you kissed him with all the love you’d held for five years. you’d kissed him with all the pain you’d tried to ignore. and he returned it in kind.

he started moving again and your fingers dug into his back which made him hiss softly. you moved your hips with him as your walls gripped onto him hungrily as he softly encouraged you.

you lost yourselves in each each other in a mess of groans and pants. the grip of your fingers seemed to spur him on as he grit his teeth and thrusted into you with wild abandon.

when you came again you swore you saw eywa herself as the pleasure washed over you. tonowari kissed you everywhere he could, breath hitching as your walls tightened around him. you wrapped your arms around him as your hips still moved against his, selfishly not wanting it to end.

he hoisted you up again and placed you on the floor before moving your legs over his shoulders. your back arched at how deep he was at this angle and you pleaded with him through pleasured sobs.

tonowari nuzzled into your neck, his breath fanning agains you. a deep rumble resonated within him that you could only describe as a growl as he nicked at a sensitive spot on your neck.

your breath hitched, but as you realised what he was doing he bit down hard and a burst of pleasure resonated through you one final time.

he came with you with two sharp thrusts as he said your name under his breath. a shudder rocked through him as his orgasm waned and you couldn’t help but marvel at how his eyes were shut tight, how a bead of sweat rolled down his torso. he was beautiful.

when he rolled next to you to catch his breath his hand grabbed yours again and he kissed it.

your other hand brushed against the mark on your neck as the severity of what he had done caught up with you.

he inspected it with worried eyes, probably worried he’d harmed you, but the mark was fine. it felt good, really.

he reached behind him and you watched in stunned shock as he grabbed his queue.

“tsahaylu? here? now?” you asked. “are you serious?”

he nodded. “i can’t mate with ronal if i’m already mated with someone else.”

you gave him a disapproving glance and sat up. “tonowari, you have—”

“—a duty, yes. but you’re just as important to me as the clan. if being olo’eyktan means throwing away our life and happiness together, then perhaps i am not meant to be olo’eyktan at all.”

“you would sacrifice everything you’ve ever wanted — your whole life — to be with me?”

he placed a reassuring hand on your hip and pressed his forehead against yours. “everything i’ve ever wanted is right here in front of me. my whole life…it’s you.” he paused and chuckled. “i suppose you could say that’s my fundamental truth.”

you giggled at his teasing words before grabbing your own queue. the weight of what was to happen was not lost on you and you looked up at him again.

tonowari nodded and with his unworried reassurance the tendrils of your queue connected.

it was so overwhelming you thought you would drown. there were so many memories and emotions, all so powerful. and you saw yourself through him. you saw yourself ten years ago when he first gave you the necklace, you saw yourself laughing, you saw yourself crying, and you felt the pain the last five years brought him.

most of all you felt love. deep and pure. but never faltering. not for a moment. he truly loved you as he said.

you didn’t know you were crying until you felt his hands wiping your tears. he hugged you tightly and you pressed yourself against his chest, feeling his body shudder around you. it was then you realised that he was crying too. and because you were still connected you knew it was for everything. for the pain, for love, for happiness.

and for relief.

“never again,” he whispered, his voice trembling slightly. “eywa herself would have to take you away from me.”

you closed your eyes at his reassuring words. briefly you wondered about what would happen the next day, about what clan would say. only briefly. because you knew what was true. that you would always love each other.that was something you could count on.

[walkingintheheartbreaksatellite]

Hii! I hope you're having the best day! I've got a few prompts, if you're taking requests, hardly anyone does Niall prompts and I'm sad:( the prompt I have is something along the lines of "Niall is back in London after a few days away and wants to meet up with his girl but she says she's busy. He's sad but goes to his signing of The Show, his girl surprises him by queuing as the last person in line and getting a CD signed" I went to the signing and met him after 13 years of being a fan and it's made me need more Niall fluff in my life😂 xx

Welcome To The Show

Niall Horan x reader

*pic of this precious baby does not belong to me*

Summary: Y/N surprises Niall at his London signing for The Show

Okay first of all, thank you so so much for trusting me to write this for you! I love writing for our Irish boy and he doesn’t get as much attention as he deserves. Second of all, HOLY CRAP YOU MET HIM?! UMM YOU’LL HAVE TO TELL ME HOW GREAT IT WAS!!! I’m seeing him next year and I honestly can’t wait😭 Okay anyways… I hope this is everything you wanted! Feel free to request more of him or checkout Flicker!

“You really can’t make it, Y/N? I haven’t seen you in six weeks! You can’t cancel this one time?”

I sigh and run my hand through my hair.

He’s right… We’ve both been so busy that we haven’t been able to see each other, barely talking either since we’ve been on different time zones. But he’s got a surprise in store…

“I know, Ni. I promise, I’ll make it up to you as soon as I get home next week! I’m almost done with my book and I send it off to the publisher. After that I am all yours!”

He sighs and I can’t help but frown.

“I know Petal, I know. I just miss you. I’m proud of you, just wish you could be done already.”

I clutch the CD in my hand, my smile not wavering as I continue to talk to him, walking towards the line outside of the record store.

“I know, me too. But I took time off of writing when you started on the Voice! Andrea’s still mad about pushing my deadline… But I promise, this is the last in the series and I should have some time after before I have to think of something new to start. I’ll be all yours babe.”

I hear him let out a small laugh and I sigh.

“Sure Petal, I’ll be holding you to it! I have to go to my signing but I’ll call you tonight?”

I bite my lip but I reply to him.

“Yeah, I’ll stay up. Have fun!”

He hangs up and I let out a sigh.

I had been planning this all week. My book is already done, so I figured I would surprise him. By showing up out of nowhere. At his signing.

The line moves progressively slow, as I suspected. One thing I’ve always loved about him is he cares, especially about his fans, so he takes the time to talk to them. After about 30 minutes, I finally make it inside.

Paul spots me immediately and I raise a finger to my lips with a smile, to which he nods and returns my smile. Niall’s focus stays on the fans in front of him and finally, it’s my turn. It takes him a moment to look up and he doesn’t notice me at first as he takes my CD from Paul, who had taken it from me moments before.

He signs my CD with his elaborate signature and he begins to talk to me.

“How’s your day going? I appreciate you coming all this way and supporting me!”

I hold back a laugh as I respond.

“It’s going good! I just thought I’d pop in and surprise my boyfriend!”

He smiles as he looks up and his mouth drops when he sees me. He shoots up from the table and runs around it, picking me up and squeezing me tight in his arms.

“I missed you so fuckin’ much!”

I laugh as he twirls me in his arms and I hug him tight. He sets me down but he takes my face in his hands and pulls me into a kiss. I sigh into his hold, pulling him closer as our lips move in sync.

He finally lets me go, and I see tears in his eyes. I smile and wipe his tears with the sleeve of my- no, his cardigan.

“Why the tears, handsome? I thought this was supposed to be a good day?”

He smiles and kisses my hands before he squeezes them.

“I just missed you, Petal. And I’m honestly surprised to see you. What happened Y/N? I thought you were behind and had to finish?”

I smile and shake my head.

“That’s what I told you, but I wanted to surprise you. Did I succeed?”

He chuckles and nods as he wraps his arms around my waist and looks down into my eyes.

“You definitely did. And I’m kind of glad you did. I think I’m all done here, should we go home? Catch up some?”

He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I giggle.

“Yeah, we should. I’ve missed you and honey. I need my dose of puppy cuddles.”

He nods and takes my hand and I move to follow him when I stop, turning around. He raises a brow at me and I grab my CD from off the table before turning back to him.

“What? It’s the #1 album in the UK and it’s signed! I’d be crazy to forget this!”

He laughs and shakes his head. We walk hand in hand to the car, and I can’t help but feel the happiest I’ve ever been. With Niall, I know I always will be.

>>>————->

I hope you enjoyed! I loved writing this!!🥹 Requests are open lovelies!

Tag List

@be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran

@babyiamperfectforyou @freedomfireflies

@kaminokatiee @harrysmimi

@violetsandfluff @fruitmans @fruitmansrecs @strwbrrydaydreams

@rafaaoli @kimmi-kat

[scaredexpert]

Oof... I have to say that every single storyline in that episode was unsatisfying imo

Bobby waking up 30 mins into the episode and everyone just lightheartedly moving on?

Buck and Christopher didn't hug goodbye and Buck and Eddie also didn't hug?? This episode's Buckley-Diaz scenes were just kinda meh aside from Eddie telling Christopher goodbye (pls Christopher come back next season wahhh) and I liked seeing Eddie's parents be more supportive

Bucktommy scene was cute but there continues to be no chemistry between them so what's the point???

Madney taking in Mara in a truly flabbergasting series of events???? There's no way they'd be approved as a kinship home for Mara, and there is no possible way on this earth they would be licensed as foster caregivers that quickly. Also, if Ortiz's interference removed Mara from Henren, why would she not continue to interfere with Mara being placed with Madney? (As if such a person would even have influence in this situation in the first place.) I mean, I like that the outlook is positive now, so yay? This one might just be me because I work in foster care and I just know how things work, but it is so grating. Oh, also, there is no way Hen would be able to just march into the group home and see Mara. No. Way. A fabricated tale that doesn't exist. I know, I know, I know, it's tv. But they could have done a modicum of research :')

I thought we were supposed to get some kind of cliffhanger????? I mean, I guess?? I'm not feeling a lot of suspense lmao. Gerrard will be captain while Bobby figures out how to take the 118 back, there will be drama until suddenly it'll all be better again.

And lastly, Family Feud theory is bones </3 But if it turns out eventually that Eddie is queer, we will all know that Family Feud was always on our side lmao

Okay, I guess the one satisfying part was that Amir's character and intentions were finally made clear... he was so clearly innocent, just hurt. I appreciated his role in this season and the actor KILLED it.

Dang I'm just frustrated with this season's writing overall. Bi Buck is wonderful, but I can't say I enjoyed a lot else, but it seems like I'm in the minority idk! I understand it was only 10 eps though and I'm still glad we got the season. I'm a Buddie shipper btw, but if it doesn't go canon, I'll live. However... it seems almost like the writers themselves haven't even decided, and um... they need to decide and then they need to commit to what they decide. I've been saying that for a loooong time. Keeping it THIS open-ended and hinting around is a disservice to everyone at this point, I think. I just think they're scared to make a choice, honestly.

I'm relieved to hopefully not be thinking about 9-1-1 anymore for a few months, but I have to find a new lil hyperfixation for a while. Suggestions? Lmao and does anyone wanna talk about our feelings? 🥲

[vixenpen]

Our Year (Eddie Munson x Black Fem y/n)

Okaaayyyy, sooo, hi 👋🏾 it’s been five fucking ever since I’ve written anything on this page. But I love this story so much and I missed writing for a new fandom. So, before you guys read on, I have to mention that I’ll be moving this fic onto AO3. I’m also going to making y/n into an OC (still black of course) so if you enjoy this fic, feel free to read it over there and get to know Alissa Porter!

“Look, they’re leaving.” Michaela giggled.

“Aawww, did we do that?” Liz added, with a mocking chuckle.

“Guys, that wasn’t cool.” Chrissy replied.

“God, Chrissy, you’re such a drag tonight.” Michaela rolled her eyes. “Where is your sense of fun?”

“Where’s yours?” Chrissy snapped back. “We were supposed to be having girls night out and we’ve spent the entire night worried about y/n and Eddie. Can we just watch the rest of the movie, please?”

The rest of the girls fell silent in the wake of Chrissy’s outburst until finally Frenchie replied: “Fine, geez. No need to spaz out over it.”

The girls fell silent, turning their attention to the screen rather than argue back with Chrissy. Lucky thing too, because Chrissy was finally able to relax for the first time all night as they enjoyed the movie. An hour later, the movie was over and the night was still young.

“It’s only 10:30, what do you guys wanna do now?” Liz asked.

“We could always call up the guys and see if there’s a party going on.” Michaela suggested.

“Liz, aren’t your parents out?” Chrissy quizzed. “Why don’t we have The Team over for a get together?” She suggested.

“No way, remember how close we cut it last time when my parents told me they were coming home early?” Lizzie steered her station wagon into the procession of cars leaving the drive-in. “Let’s do Frenchie’s place.”

“Oh, so I get in trouble?” Frenchie exclaimed.

As they exited the parking lot, a loud fizzing sound caught Chrissy’s attention. Before any of the girls could figure out what was happening, Liz’s windshield was splattered with coke and soggy napkins.

The girls screamed as Liz slammed on the brakes, sending everyone lurching forward.

Tires screeched against concrete as the culprit sped away, but the perpetrators were far from anonymous as Eddie’s voice yelled from the distance.

“That’s for my tapes, you cheer cunts!”

“Oh. My. GOD!” Lizzie screamed.

“Those freaks!”

Chrissy’s mouth dropped. She hadn’t thought Eddie or y/n would have that in them.

“Now, should we just ignore them, Chrissy?” Liz turned to her, angrily. “Those freaks ruined my car.”

“They didn’t ruin your car, Liz.” Chrissy replied, rolling her eyes. “We got them and they got us back. Let’s just get to your place and hose it off before it gets sticky.”

“Fine.” Liz grumbled. “But this isn’t over. Especially not with The Freak’s bride.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe we did that!” You laughed as the two of you drove away.

“Your aim and timing was perfect, babe.” Eddie laughed.

“Yeah, but I have a feeling I’m gonna be dealing with the consequences come next practice.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” Eddie scowled.

“Oh no, Eddie please don’t start any trouble.”

“I’m not starting it, I’m finishing it. If those cheer cunts wanna come after you, I’ll be ready.”

“I can take care of myself, babe, don’t worry. You should be worried about those hoop heads coming after you after that stunt. Especially Jason.”

“I’m not worried. Jason’s scared of me. Has been since I kicked his ass in the locker room that time and definitely since everyone thinks I’m a devil worshipping magic man.” He wiggled his fingers at you, playfully.

“Wait, you fought him before?” You gawked.

“Oh yeah, Sophomore year. His sophomore year that is. He and his hoop head friends were talking shit about me being behind in my grade so I told him to say it to my face. He did, and I put him in a headlock. Body slammed him and everything. He’s only come at me twice since. I’ll admit, he definitely holds his own better since bulking up from basketball, but he’s never beat me in a fight.”

“Woooah! What!” You exclaimed, shocked by Eddie’s revelation. “Let me find out I’m dating a secret bad boy. Since when was my lover boy a fighter?”

Eddie shot you a sidelong smile that almost turned you on as much as learning about his hidden fighting skills.

“Hey, you learn a few things when your dickhead of a dad was a former jock. Anyway, his buddies keep his ass kicking under wraps, but they know the truth.“

You could only stare at your boyfriend’s unassuming profile as he stared ahead wearing a soft smile. As if kicking Jason Carver’s ass was a fond memory. His big, brown eyes were so soft and boyish and his smile was adorably innocent. Never would you have imagined a soul as gentle as Eddie’s could be capable of that kind of violence.

He took his eyes off the road for a split second to glance at you.

“Y/n? What’s up?”

“I can’t stop imagining you body slamming Jason Carver.” You shook your head. “That’s really fucking hot.”

Eddie chuckled.

“And here I thought you weren’t like the other girls who only liked bad boys.”

“I’m not,” you replied stroking his thigh,“but a good guy with a secret bad boy streak is a turn on.”

Eddie shifted in his seat as your hand inched closer to his crotch.

“Oh yeah?” His voice cracked.

“Yeah.” You giggled back. “And we never got to finish what we started at the movie…”

Eddie bit his lip.

“The night’s still young.” He eyed you back. “Wanna go back to my place?”

“Duh.” You smirked

“Alright ladies, let’s welcome our newest Hawkins High Tigerettes!” Coach Stacy clapped. She was a peppy forty something Asian woman with a valley girl accent and her ever perky attitude was both annoying and endearing.

You ignored the glares of Liz Rawlins and Michaela Washington as your fellow cheer sisters clapped along to welcome you and the six other new girls on the team. Once that was over, Coach Stacy continued.

“Now, we have a lot of work to do to prepare for the upcoming season, starting with a new cheer and chant. So, I want my veterans to help out the newbies as much as possible. The faster we can get through these new cheers the faster we can get to our stunt routines! Captains, let’s get started.”

Chrissy and Liz stepped forward all bright smiles to lead you guys in your stretches. So far so good. Most of the head cheerleaders hated your guts, but at least with an adult present they wouldn’t try to do anything about it.

Or so you thought. As Coach Stacy began to show you guys the moves for the new routine, you found yourself getting tripped, poked, and “accidentally” punched in the arm as the girls found their formation. It was clear, the core four, Chrissy, Michaela, Frenchie, and Liz had already spread the news that you were the team punching bag.

“Y/n, is everything ok?” Stacy asked, her brows wrinkled. “You seem a little off.”

“I’m fine coach, but the girls in my line are a little too close to me. I keep tripping. Maybe if I stepped forward on three instead, I could avoid their fists and feet.”

You demonstrated the step differently and Stacy nodded.

“Hmm, you might be on to something, y/n. We’ll try it your way on that count. Keep showing initiative like that, and you could be captain.” She winked.

Coach Stacy might’ve been impressed but your squad mates were anything but as they glared at you. Whatever. They were lucky you didn’t snitch on them.

Eventually, the girls gave up trying to get your goat in practice and things started running smoothly. Finally, it was time for your first ten minute break.

Coach Stacy exited the gym to make a call while the other girls gathered on the bleachers. Except for you. You headed for the exit, only to be intercepted by Frenchie, Liz, and Michaela.

Your heart revved with adrenaline, but your straightened and crossed your arms to stare them down.

“May I help you ladies?”

“You sure can.” Liz replied. “You can start by cleaning my car, Freakella.”

“Excuse you?”

“You heard her.” Frenchie cut in. “We know it was you and your shaggy dog of a boyfriend who trashed Liz’s car on Saturday.”

“And I know it was you three stooges who trashed my boyfriend’s on Saturday. So, as I see it, we got even. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need water.” You shoved Lizzie out of the way. “I’m exhausted from carrying this team on my back for the past half hour.”

The girls gasped as you pushed past them.

“Bitch.”

“Who does she think she is?”

You heard them whisper as you entered the half empty halls. The only people left at this time of the day were a few students in clubs, a handful of teachers, and the janitors.

You found the nearest water fountain and took your time hydrating. At that moment a wolf whistle piped up from behind you.

You whipped around to see your boyfriend’s sweet grin.

“Lookin’ good in that skirt, future captain.”

“Eddie!” You exclaimed, immediately running into his arms.

Eddie picked you up off your feet, holding you tight. After being picked on for the last thirty minutes straight, his warm comforting frame was such a relief. He smelled like his favorite cheap cologne and weed.

“What are you doing here?” You asked as he lowered you to the floor, never releasing your waist.

“Gotta make sure my little minions get home in one peace. They got AV club today.”

“Oh, the freshies you adopted?” You giggled, referring to the nerdy group of boys that Eddie had taken under his wing. Lucas, Dustin, and Mike were sweet, smart, misunderstood kids, and you loved how brotherly Eddie was with them.

“Yeah, my little protégés in training. You know some of these douchey upperclassmen can’t wait to pick on the fresh meat.” He rolled his eyes. “Cowards. Anyway, how’s practice going?”

“It’s… going…” You sighed.

“Yeah?” Eddie’s probing brown eyes took in your expression. “I know it’s going, y/n, is it going well or is it going bad is what I’m asked.”

“The core four are kinda out for my head right now.”

“Do I have to come in there?” Eddie frowned.

“No, don’t just… be here to walk me out when it finishes. It’ll be over in another half hour.”

“As the lady wishes.” Eddie booped your nose. “The kiddos should be done by then too.”

“Cool. Well, I gotta get back in, babe. See in a minute.”

Eddie kissed your forehead gently before letting you back into the gym.

The rest of practice went well enough, but it dawned on you that if these girls were trying their hardest to hurt you during the regular cheers and chants they could really hurt you during the stunt routines.

Shit. How were you going to navigate that?

As you guys started doing your last rundown of the choreography Coach Stacy taught you, the door cracked open and in walked Eddie.

He shot you a smile and a wave and you returned the gesture. That was when you heard the whispers start out. Before you could tell them to say it to your face, the door opened a second time and Jason entered followed by two of his fellow teammates.

Oh fuck.

You thought as your eyes darted to Eddie. You silently begged him to not engage with those assholes if they started shit. With fifteen minutes to go in practice, there was nothing you could do except hope the boys stayed in their own corners until it was over.

[greazyfloz]

Lovers & Strangers - Chapter 30

Previous

~2 Months Later~

[Ethan POV]

It’s been 2 months since I stupidly brought Sophie to y/n’s room. At the time I knew exactly what I was doing. I wanted to hurt her, as crazy as that sounds. After hurting her I realized exactly why we shouldn’t be together. I’m now in a relationship with Sophie with the fear that I will be stuck with this permanent feeling that I’ll never get over Y/n. 

Y/n has avoided me since that night, won't text me, won't look at me, she barely even goes to games. I heard that her and Mark’s relationship ended up taking a bad turn from a couple of the guys on the team. Mark and I are good and are actually becoming as close as we were before this whole mess, but he knows his limits when it comes to talking about our relationships. 

It was the last game before I headed back home to Alberta for a week for Christmas, and I was laying in bed having my pre-game nap when I hear a knock on the door, “Yup” I yell out stretching as I wake from my sleep. Mark walks in and sits at my desk.

“I can’t do this with y/n anymore” Mark says and I sit up.

“You’re going to break up with her?” I ask him

“I don’t know- yeah” Mark says rubbing his face in his hands, “she doesn’t love me like she loves you. She hasn’t talked to you in two months and she still somehow manages to bring you up. She is forcing herself to stop loving you and she shouldn’t have to”

“I told you not to break her heart” I say as I feel the blood inside of me boil

“There is no love anymore, it was all fascination. I’m telling you because you need to be there for her, she's going to need you”

“I- um-” 

“She is stupidly stubborn, you should know that. She will let you back in. You are the only person she will always let back in” Mark says standing up and then leaving. 

I slap my cheeks wondering if I am still dreaming or not after Mark leaves before I get up and get ready for the game. I don’t know how I’m supposed to be there for her when she won’t even look at me or talk to me. I continue thinking about y/n until I realize that can’t happen anymore. Not with Sophie in the picture.

[Y/N POV]

The game ends, and I made my way down to the tunnel to see Mark. It was the last game before Christmas break so of course there was going to be a party. Mark came out of the dressing room and smiled at me, but it wasn’t the same familiar warm smile, it seemed less genuine.He gives me a side hug and Truss comes out next. We follow Truss to his car. We get home and go up to Mark’s room.

“what’s wrong?“ I ask him, but he refuses to look at me.

“it’s over, I’m breaking up with you”

“W-why?” I said, ask my voice breaks

“you aren’t happy, we aren’t happy. I’m not mad I just think it’s better this way for all of us” mark says watching as tears form in my eyes, and he shakes his head and turn away again, not being able to look at me

“so what, you want to go back to hating each other? was that easier? You’re gonna leave me all alone now?” I say, sitting on his bed and hiding my face into my hands, “Mark I said yes to marrying you”

“ and you shouldn’t have”

“ you’re right looks like it’s one of the million of mistakes that I’ve made in the past year” I say, standing back up from his bed, “obviously you’re the one that’s unhappy in this relationship, and I’m not gonna stand in your way. I guess you’re right we’re over.”

I stand and look at him, waiting for him to say anything, but he doesn’t so I collect some of my things and leave, letting the tears roll off my face. As I open the front door, I see Sophie and Ethan walking up the front steps into the house.

“Y/n, w-“ Ethan says, but I cut them off, brushing, passed him

“don’t fucking talk to me” 

I end up walking all the way home not caring about how dark it was or cold it was. I was on a mission so I knew exactly what I wanted to take and I wanted them all.

I make it back to my house, thinking my friends would probably be at the party already, but to my surprise they were in the kitchen still pregaming. They saw me upset, and immediately stopped to come and comfort me. I told them about what happened and that I wasn’t really down for a party tonight and they all decided to just stay home and watch movies with me.

A week later, I’m now home in Alberta. My first night home was relaxing so far, but I’ve never in my life Wanted to drink more than right now. I heard Denise’s voice come from the kitchen, so I made my way down. She saw my upset face and opened her arms wide, and I didn’t say anything as I walked up and wrapped my arms around her and cried on her shoulder.

“ your parents told me about the break up“ she says, rubbing my back “his loss“ . I pull away and notice her whole family in the kitchen and I look back at her confused, “the whole gang is coming over“

“even the Edwards’?” I ask her and she nods, “ I didn’t know we were having a party“

“ Boxing Day party was moved today, because Terri Lynn, he’s going on a cruise” Denise tells me rolling her eyes

“ well, I better go get ready“ I say, making my way back to my room. I open my closet and grab a green suede dress, then walk over to my vanity and fix my hair and make up before walking back down into the kitchen.

Ethan and his family had arrived while I was getting ready. I stand in the kitchen with the adults before Ethan’s mother says that everyone’s in my living room.

I walk into my living room, and so far it’s only Ethan, Brett and the two girls as the rest of the families haven’t shown yet. I sit on the couch across from Ethan and look at his feet, unable to look up at him. I watch him nudge his brother before his brother speaks up.

“okay girls, let’s go get a head start on that gingerbread house making contest” he says, making the two girls squeal, following him to the dining room, and leaving Ethan and I alone.

 I stand and leave walking back to my bedroom, and I hear Ethan follow me. I don’t bother shutting the door as I knew he was just gonna come in anyway. I sit on the bed, and he said beside me.

“ hey, I um-“ he starts, and I look up at him, “Mark told me what happened”. I laughed dryly before speaking up.

“yeah, right. He told you that he broke up with me because I love you?” I say, standing up and making my way to the door.

“yeah“ Ethan says, making me stop before reaching my door knob. I turn and look at him as he makes his way over and wraps his arms around me. I let him as a nuzzle my face and his shoulder, “ please tell me you still love me“ 

“ Ethan“ I say pulling away from him. I’m looking up into his eyes, “ we can’t be together“ 

“ why? There’s no one on this earth that will ever love you as much as I do. I still love you and I always will.” ethan tells me and I begin to cry thinking of all the times that Mark has said that to me.

“ I don’t wanna ruin our friendship-“ I start but sniffle, looking away from him

“ it’s already ruined. I can never go back to being just your friend. I can act like it, but it will never ever ever be real. not as real as my feelings for you. I love you.”

“ you sound like Mark. He told me he would never leave me now look where I am.” 

“ I’m not Mark, far from it” he says lifting my chin, so I look in his eyes, “ give me one chance, we can test it out. We will have to be honest with each other if we do fall out of love, so we don’t ruin anything more. but I can promise you right now, I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

Ethan leans down, and presses his lips on mine. I let the kiss deepen as we make our way back to my bed without breaking the kiss. “ I love you.“ he says, as he sits on my bed, and I straddle his lap. “ I fucking love you” he says again into the kiss. 

I feel him play with the bottom of my dress before lifting it over my head. He looks down, taking in the visual of my body before I press my lips back on to his. We begin making out as I feel his hands, reach up my body and massaging my tits through my bra. 

I stand and looked down at him, watching his expression change from lust to sadness. I turn to the door and locked it before, turning back and watching the smile reappear on his face as he stands up, and our lips make connection again. 

He reaches around me and unclasped my bra. I let it fall to the floor as I continued making out with Ethan. He starts to unbutton shirt until he takes it off, throwing it on my bed, then quickly reaches down to take his pants off next. I slide my panties off and make my way over to the bed and Ethan climbs on top. “ I need to hear that you love me.“ he says looking deep into my eyes

“ you already know“ I say, and bring my face up to rest on his Cheek, “ I love you Ethan”. I say, then he slides himself inside of me. He thrusts hard inside of me, but somehow it’s romantic. our eye contact, made it sensual, and felt like something you read out of a romance book.

We continued having sex in my childhood room, and I let him finish inside of me. After he finishes, he lays beside me on the bed and wraps me into his arms. He kisses the side of my face before I look over at him. 

“ what’s wrong?“ he says, as he watches a wave of sadness rush across my face

“ Sophie“ 

“she means nothing to me, it’s over between us. And it has been for months.”

“ but you guys are together” 

“no, we broke up before I go to the airport yesterday” he told me and I furrow my eyebrows at him, “ I told her that she was right back in September to break up with me, because she wasn’t you”

“you’re an asshole“ I told him

“Yep I know. Don’t worry, her left hand sure let me know how she felt“ he tells me, making me laugh. 

I suddenly stop laughing and look at him in the eyes, “please don’t break my heart“

I watch him as he licks his lips, leaning in closer to mine and pressing a kiss before pulling away and looking at me, “I think we’ve broken each other’s hearts enough“

I smile and look over at my alarm clock seeing that it’s almost time for dinner, and stand from the bed, “ we should head down now” I smile at him and he smiles back. He gets up and we both get dressed, then head down.

We sit back on the couch, and still no one is in the room. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, bringing me close to him, and I look up at him with wide eyes.

“what?” He Questions with a smile, knowing what I’m thinking as I look around. His hand comes up, grabs my chin, facing him to plant another kiss. “Brett, taking the girls into the other room was just plan 1 of 5 that I came up with to get you to speak to me. Everyone here knows”

“I love you“ I say to him smiling

“I love you more“

. 

[footballfanficwriter]

Fights turns into nightmares

Summary:where Jude and the reader get into a fight

"Why do you always pester me Jude"

"I'm not, I'm just asking questions"

"Why do you not trust me, I promise you it was nothing"

"It didn't look like nothing y/n he had his hands all over you"

"Yeah but I stopped him from touching me"

"You looked like you enjoyed it"

"If I enjoyed it I wouldn't have stopped him"

" it still happened though and I'm not happy about it"

"Did you think I was happy when I saw that girl's hands all over you huh?"

"That was nothing"

"Exactly, just like this event that took place it was nothing"

"But it's different"

"How is it different"

" because he could easily take advantage of you"

"Yeah but he didn't"

"But he could've"

"Jude, you're overeating"

"I'm not overreacting"

"For goodness sake Jude stop, what is the matter huh?, it seems like you've got a problem with everything I do nowadays, if it's not me cooking then it's the fact that I forgot to fold the laundry, if it's not that then it's me not spending time with you, what do you want from me?"

"I want you too do the things you're suppose to do"

"Oh yeah and what is that exactly"

"I bring most of the income in this family, I pay a huge amount of money to sustain our way of living"

"Really is that what we're doing now, comparing our salaries?"

"Mine is higher than yours, so yeah"

"Ok, the reason why I forgot to fold the laundry, cook and spend time with you is because, I've had a shit ton of work that needed to be done, I get pressured and stressed by my boss then I come back home to a person whose upset with me, it's not fair Jude"

"I get stressed as well, you know"

"That, that right there is why I can't approach you anymore and am scared to Express my feelings ,you always turn the conversation back to you and make it about yourself"

"All I said was that I get stressed as well, what am i not allowed to be stressed?"

"That's not what I'm say"

"Then what are you saying"

"I'm saying that when you feel stressed or when you feel down, I always comfort and make sure you feel better about yourself, but when the shoe is on the other foot, you can't do the same"

"How am I suppose to comfort you, if I don't know you need comforting"

"Well maybe if you asked me how I am, you'd know, everytime I try and tell you about my feelings, you always shut me down"

"WELL, QUIET FRANKLY I DON'T CARE, I'M TIRED OF YOU, YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS"

There's a silence between us and I look at him with a hurt expression and he looks at me with a shocked one

"Babe I-I didn't mean it, that's not what I meant to sa-" he tries to step closer to me and I pull back

" yeah but you still said it"

"Babe I didn't mea-"

"I think we should get some space from eachother for a while"

"Y/-"

"I'll sleep in the guest room"

I walked to our room and grabbed my pajamas and all the things I might need for a few days and went to the guest room

As I open the door to leave I find Jude standing there

"I'm sorry" he says

" ok" I say and walk past him

"Does that mean you forgive me?" He asks as I walk away and slam the door

I go to the guest bedroom where I do my night routine

After doing that I make the bed so I can sleep and get comfortable

I get into the bed and try to fall asleep, but recent events keep replaying in my head, preventing me from sleeping

After a while I find myself unintentionally crying not knowing where the tears have come from all of a sudden

It's been 2 hours since I got into bed 30 minutes later I hear Jude screaming from the other room

I quickly get out out of the room and race to see what's happening in the room

When I enter I see Jude sweeting and him tossing and turning and mumbling words

.

I'm frozen for a second but quickly snap back to reality and attempt to wake him up

"Jude"

"Jude wake up"

"Jude come on"

After not being able to wake him up I make him sit up and shake his body, all that seems to do the trick because he wakes up with sweat on his forehead , wide red eyes and heavy breathing and panting, just like a dog would

"Y/n you're here?"

"Yeah I'm here, where would I be"

"I-I thought I had lost you, it was so real it all felt so real"

"Well it's not ok it wasn't real"

A-Are you crying" he says noticing my red eyes

"N-No, I'm not crying"

"Y/n stop, you don't have to pretend that you're not hurting" he says

"Jude, I'm perfectly fine"

"No, you're not, I've hurt you so much in our relationship,that you don't even feel comfortable coming to talk to me about your feelings, I'm so sorry I truly am, and I didn't mean what I said, when i said I don't care about your feelings"

"It's ok"

"I'll do better, for you, it's the least I can do considering everything you do for me"

"Are you ok?" I ask

"Yeah I'll be fine, I guess it was just a nightmare"

"About what?"

"I dreamt that we had an argument, that ended up with you dead because- because I had killed you, I just I don't want to be a monster, I don't want to you to end up being afraid of me"

"I'm not afraid of you Jude, I just want you to be there for me the way I'm there for you, I know you're stressed with everything that's going on right now, but I feel like you're neglecting me or that you don't want me anymore"

"Ofcourse I want to be with you babe, i just never thought you needed all of the attention, you seemed to be doing just fine with everything happening in our lived, I just didn't think you'd want my attention and affection"

"I do Jude, I really do"

"And I'll give it too you"

"Thank you"

I get of the bed and start walking towards the door

"Y/n"

"Yeah?"

"Please stay, babe, please stay with me"

"Ok I'll stay with you"

I walk to the bed and get into bed and snuggle up to him and he puts an arm around me and kisses my forehead

"Goodnight Babe"

"Night Jude"

[velvetvexations]

Hi Velvet! Would like to open this ask with a bit of positivity-- I've been having it rough lately, both in the general life department and my personal issues department, and scrolling your blog really helps calm me down and relax <3 I wish good things upon you, your loved ones, and the community you've built here. I'm really sorry for dumping this super long ask into your inbox, but I'm not sure who else would engage with what I have to say here. And on that note, I'm also extremely grateful to you.

I've been thinking a lot lately on all the "tme privilege" discourse that's pretty much overrun this site and wanted to throw in my two cents to the conversation as a bigender person (male + female). Full disclosure that I'm an AFAB perisex individual, and do not identify with the transmasc nor the transfem label. I haven't personally made any original posts on the topic myself, but I'd like to believe I generally have a grasp on where everyone is coming from.

In the broadest sense, I think holding these kinds of charged discussions during a period in which society is experiencing a collective moral panic over trans people has put a lot of us on edge. It's caused us as a community to forget the base truth that ultimately we are trying to navigate our very personal traumas through these discourses, and our priority has shifted from proactively extending compassion and sympathy to each other to defensively antagonizing and segregating ourselves out of hypervigilance. The natural consequence of such hypervigilance on social media platforms is the creation of an environment where opinions and perspectives are constantly being policed. So to a certain extent, I'd posit that the argument is not so much a direct trans intracommunity issue as it is a online socialization phenomena that intersects with trans digital spaces and our current political climate. As a lot of older trans people (by which I mean 30+) have observed, this is a fairly recent trend in trans discourse, and conversation was typically much more open and less hostile even a decade ago.

In the more specific, rhetorical sense, I can't make heads or tails of the logical throughline in any of the most radical arguments. It is just the case that sometimes lived experiences will contradict each other, and sometimes the things that have shaped one person's suffering will have shaped others' in similar but also very different ways-- it's frustrating that no one seems to understand this. Watering down the nuances of reality to these very clear-cut definitions of what makes up specific types of people's experiences is just strange to me. I am supposed to believe I would be TME despite identifying as a woman who also seeks gender-affirming care that would masculinize her bottom parts. I would love to hear what exactly would distinguish me from the specter of the degenerate trans woman in the eyes of society if I start walking around with a cock and boobs at the same time while calling myself a woman and a man simultaneously. I certainly would no longer be treated as a member of the social class of women, and I most definitely would be excluded from the social class of men. And yet by all means this is supposed to fall under the umbrella of transmasc experiences, despite me not claiming transmasculinity in any way shape or form. If I have physically transitioned and I am a woman, and then experience transphobia in ways that interface with my womanhood, how can that not be called transmisogyny? Then do I call myself TMA? But I was born with the sex designation of female! I was socialized as a girl and wouldn't possibly be able to grasp the depth of the trauma that real trans woman go through… It just goes around in circles. This is also honestly why I find myself identifying much more with intersex individuals than I do with binary trans individuals in general but, man, these circlejerks sure do jerk those circles.

I'm always happy to give people a space to talk about things. There's way, way too much hostility going on between people who should be working together. It's always important work to push back against that and to not swallow what you're told you have to accept as reality. You're doing really good at that.

[morshrill]

My head injury was back when I was in high school the summer before my junior year I worked at a local boat rental. Towards the end of the summer we had a family come in and rent a canoe but all our boats that we had already taken out were rented out so we needed to get another one down. My coworker was on break at the time and I had been getting canoes up and down by myself all summer so I didn't think too much about going in to get a boat myself. That canoe was on our highest rack about 6ft up and I was only 5' 6"-5' 7" at the time (I am 5' 9"now) and the canoes were about 200lbs. I remember going in to get it and then I remember it being on the ground next to me and yelling "FUCK!" It was a pretty severe head injury, I had to entirely relearn to write, I had taken three years of Spanish and was very good at it and considering a future career as a translator and lost all of it, I generally had a ton of issues with motor control and balance and had a lot of issues walking and talking, a longer lasting symptom I've had is I lose words and have a bit of a stutter now which I never had any issues with my speech before (these days it's mostly if I'm feeling anxious/flustered though because as long as I am thinking and paying attention I can prevent it from happening in more comfortable conversation). I missed about a month of school and was dizzy and had severe head pain for MONTHS afterwards. My mom's caring and appropriate response was not to take me to the doctor but to drop me off at my grandma's house for a month because I was in her way being so disabled, my grandma did take me to the doctor tho, he specialized in concussions and head injuries and said mine was one of the worst ones he had seen in 30 years of practice. These days I'm a lot better, I still have some issues with losing words and stuttering but I've got a lot of my balance stuff back and can walk and write and do all that stuff. I actually recently tried roller skating again which is something I used to be able to do before the canoe attack, I'm not as good as I was but I was able to get it somewhat so I was happy about that.

Honestly I'm always tired lol, even if I sleep all day everyday that doesn't make me anymore energised than I am just sleeping a more normal amount or sleeping less. My therapist says it's probably a bad combination of low iron and depression, I've had low iron almost my entire life, I'm supposed to take iron supplements but I really just can't be bothered lol. But I was glad to not be at my job, I hate my job lol. I'm changing jobs soon, I'm just waiting on my background check to pass on my new job and then I'll go in and sign paperwork and start at my new job

I would have never guessed canoes could be so viscous. That sounds excruciatingly painful, especially with having to relearn everything. Do you plan on relearning Spanish someday? It is sweet that you were able to pick up roller skating, though.

I am also constantly fatigued due to my depression. I am not sure if I'm deficient in anything, but I most likely am. I hope the job change goes well. If I may ask, why do you hate your previous job?

[chipped-chimera]

Ugh ... I am low-key so worried about how the BG3 ending is gonna play out for Karlach that I'm considering stopping playing and just coming back to it when I can handle it. Some of this shit is just hitting too close to home and I'm not sure I'm cut out for it.

More personal context under the cut if you want.

I relate to Karlach's pain so much. Too much. To the point it makes me teary thinking about it. Both of our lives have been cruel.

It has been hard for me, despite a stable family upbringing that most would envy, in a lower-middle class family that for the large part has been financially stable. I'm also white. I know I'm lucky in that capacity - god I fucking know (and the thought that what I've gone through could be considered a 'lucky' position? What does that mean for others? It keeps me up at night).

But that didn't stop the pain crawling in. I wasn't diagnosed with Autism until 27. I wasn't diagnosed with co-morbid ADHD until I was 28. I wasn't medicated for ADHD until I was 30 (and that was AFTER being told by a psych who also invalidated my Autism diagnosis aka the context for fucking EVERYTHING in my life, I couldn't have ADHD because I could 'read a book').

Before that? I knew I was depressed at 13, but didn't want to burden my family so I did nothing - we may be lower middle class and stable but I knew that was only because my parents tried so fucking hard. We had camping chairs in place of furniture up until I was eight. I lived with the pain because I didn't want to burden them, and without the context of my neurodivergence I just blamed myself for the problem, not being good enough, not trying hard enough - not being ENOUGH. I held onto it until I cracked and couldn't take it anymore at 16. I was diagnosed with Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. It's since been upgraded to chronic Major Depression and it's classed as treatment resistant.

Both of us have had moments of building ourselves up from nothing. Through therapy and medication I was able to feel a bit better, more positive as I left high school. Thinking maybe it was gonna be okay after all, out there in the world.

It felt like I'd slowly reached out into the light, tentatively, hopefully - there'd be something more, that I'd live out the dreams I'd had, the things I'd always wanted to do. I was still optimistic.

Instead it felt like that arm had been immediately lopped off.

The story is long and too complicated to tell without this being longer than it needs to be. But like Karlach, I feel I've lost years of my life. Like Karlach, it's been a decade - ten years. That I cannot get back, that I grieve keenly.

I have been isolated, and then betrayed by those I thought I trusted. First, by the systems that were supposed to help me when I was struggling - my own government's system as they hit me with a debt that I couldn't even pay, on a scheme which has in retrospect been found to be completely illegal, but has left me with lasting trauma and damage and no closure. Not even a sorry. Because I, with my undiagnosed Autism and ADHD and a growing fatigue issue where I was so exhausted from simply being alive I just couldn't fight it. So I let them take money out of my social security payment - which was and still is considered below the poverty line. I was punished for being poor, I was punished for arguably, being disabled.

And then, by the person I trusted most. The person I thought I loved, the person who made it felt like everything was okay - I may be struggling still but there was still a future! There was someone who cared about me, who would be beside me for the rest of my lifetime. He asked me to marry him. We were engaged for three. Years. We'd been dating for 10. I thought everything, despite all the shit happening to me, was going to be okay.

It wasn't.

I had landed some employment for the first time in 3 years. I was working more hours than advised by the psychologist who diagnosed me with Autism but I had no choice - I was literally on the minimum limit available to me, due to the barriers I still have to navigate to qualify for disability supports (again, from a government system that I no longer trusted and gave me the earnest impression that they preferred me dead than 'leeching off their system'). But I was not living. I couldn't handle even 15 hours a week, I was more exhausted than I'd ever been. I felt like a corpse. I spoke with my disability employment coordinator (no, despite what I said, being on disability EMPLOYMENT services does not qualify you getting onto disability support, just means the government will only hound me for a minimum of 15 hrs a week instead of 30 in order for social security, that's a whole other complicated thing) IN CONFIDENCE that I wasn't sure I could keep up with the current work format and hoped I could discuss some solutions. Next minute I find I'm locked out of the work facebook. I was fired, without warning and without protections because I was a casual. Because my employment coordinator told my boss before even discussing anything with me.

My relationship was suffering but I wasn't aware. I was too tired for intimacy, and probably two tired to see the signs. I'd gotten my Autism diagnosis at this point and maybe it was a bit difficult for my fiancée at the time to understand, but he came to terms with it. The ADHD assessment was booked. I had realized at this point pushing myself to be something I wasn't, thinking somehow landing work and earning money for myself would help the depression - it didn't. I was worse than I'd ever been. Then the moment came where I was handed a notice that the government would no longer give me any social security because my partner, on his meager chef's salary was earning too much. All because I'd tried to do the right thing by the government. I'd tried so hard to be good. I'd tried so hard to be ENOUGH.

I wasn't enough.

My fiancée came to me, my fiancée who I'd been talking to about our upcoming wedding plans now the pandemic was over, my fiancée who I'd been cuddling with on the couch last night watching films - he came to me when I was battered, and raw and broken and crying in bed - just said 'I can't do this anymore.' And that was it. It was done. As I processed it, I realised the root of it was, it was because I'd taken the mask off. I decided I wasn't going to try to be something I wasn't anymore, because I knew and it was backed up in countless studies - what I was doing was actively killing me. And he didn't want to deal with that. I wasn't enough, and yet I was too much.

It has been two years since then. My ADHD is medicated. I live in a stable, safe environment with my parents where I don't have to worry about my security. I have set firm boundaries that I learned while I was independent, and they respect them. But the wounds are still deep and it'll take a long time to recover, to get that trust in the world back.

When I look at Karlach, I see some of myself. Someone who has been used, abused and betrayed by those they trusted. Someone who felt abandoned by everything, that there was no hope, no way out. And yet in spite of it all - kept going. Who, deep in their heart kept something soft and safe. Held onto and protected what little shred of optimism left. Because if we don't practice kindness, who will? We want to be the kindness we want to see in the world, because fuck, have we seen so little of it. It is so easy to give up, to fall into despair when you've been through so much shit. It requires so much vigilance and energy and momentum to keep going, when you're wading through a battlefield of carnage and gore in your life, whether metaphorical or literal. We hold on and we are kind because we hope, one day, that kindness will touch us back. That despite it all we try our fucking hardest to wear a smile, and see the good in everything we can.

And I think that's why it hurts so much. Karlach is finally free. And happy. She feels loved. She's finally feeling some of that kindness again kindness that I know, that she knows she fucking deserves. And it's on a fucking time limit.

And that's what's fucking breaking me. I know she's supposed to be some kind of allegory for terminal illness. And I know this isn't my story. I know it's a story that is important to tell, and it will touch others in a different way. But for me it feels like all the wounds I've barely scabbed over are being ripped open again. Because this is not an ending she deserves at all. It makes me sit and wonder, is that all there is for people like us? Just brief windows of happiness in the pain until we die? Don't we deserve saving? Don't we deserve a happy ending? A peaceful one? Don't we deserve to wear that smile, that happiness without us having to fight for every second it with tooth and nail to keep it there? To believe in it?

I don't know the endings in detail for her. But i have seen enough in the vaguest sense to feel it won't be good, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. I have played games with sad themes, like I know Cyberpunk isn't that great either - but I think the difference is who it is happening to. It's somehow easier when it's you, as the player. But when it's someone else? When you know that pain so fucking keenly you would rip yourself apart just to let them escape that hell, it's hard to stomach.

Then there's the disability angle that bothers me so much. Currently her options, as she puts it, are burning up and dying or going back to Avernus. I understand why she's choosing death, like, fuck man I do. Why is it always death though? Why is death better. Why can't she get a replacement heart? Make it shit! It can be a shitty heart that still works, but needs tune ups, and maybe she can't fight like she used to but she gets to fucking live a happy life! Because a shitty, happy life is better than nothing at all. Because as it goes, it feels to me I'm just being told it's easier to just die than submit to the suffering again whenever a piece of media picks an end like this. It's either the cure-all or death, there's never room for something in between. There's never room for making peace with what you have lost and still reclaiming some of your life, grieving what you have lost but still finding something worth having and holding onto. And when you're in that limbo state yourself, it's a hard pill to swallow. And it's hard to let anyone else fall into it.

We both deserve life. We both deserve happiness.

Fuck.

[afreakingdork]

...

how do i even start.

Miss Dork, do you realize you make me miserable? how am i supposed to wake up everyday and deal with the fact that i'm deeply in love with a man that doesn't exist.

How am i supposed to cope with the fact I will never hold him on my arms or hear his voice say my name? I will never be able to ask him how his day is and ask wtf he meant when he uses his nerd words.

Having said that

EPIGUOHJG0IPDS´JD´SOMIG{ÑSJOKGBJNDFBUÑOIHSDJKOVDSI{GNJDS´PJDSPIDSNGÓIDSONGDSJNSD{LFL{FKÑASO{ÑJSAFHDSJLGJDSLF{DSFJDSLFNSDOÍJDS´GJDSOGI´DNHGIÓSF{KMLÑMSF{LKDSFNASPFOJFÓSDHFJ

1-SHELLDON SHELLDON SHELLDON SHELLDON SHELLDON

HE IS SO CUTE, I WANNA PUT HIM IN MY POCKET I WANNA SLEEP WHILE HEARING HIS DRONE FANS

HE DESERVES THE WORLD THE INTERACTIONS BEETWEEN THE 3 OF THEM WERE SO AMUSING

2. AH YES, READER GIVING DONNIE A TIME OUT IT'S WHAT I NEEDED TO INCREASE MY LIFE EXPECTANCY

3. THAT FUCKING BITCH HID HIS IMPLANTS!!!!! MAKES SO MUCH MUCH SENSE OMG!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO HUG HIM SO BADLY (had to look up for that on the google, i've been reading the chapter with the browser and traductor open as always lmao)

4. POSSESIVE DONNIE YES I LIVE FOR THIS

5. Reader: "didn't u said u named urself?"

me: HELL YEAH READER ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS I NEED TO KNOW SO BAD

donnie: *ptsd*

me: MISS DORK WHY DO U DO THIS TO ME

(splinter splinter splinter splinter??????????????? i can smell daddy issues, I KNOW THAT SMELL SO WELL)

6. tbh donnie is so lucky to have reader. can a person fall in love with the reader? well, seem like it's possible, look at me. Theyre so sweet.

7. "If all of this hasn't finally cemented your decision otherwise..." YOU WISHED BITCH UR NEVER GETTING RID OF US

8. "it will aide my explanation and give me achance to itemize all the individual apologies necesary" fucking nerd i love u so fucking much for that you have no idea i will kill for you.

9. I love mikey but "orange oaf" sound really fitting. At least coming for someone who doesn't entirely understand the weight of the insult sdgjh´guj.

10.All of the conversation about the bastard's three (i'm starting to have question about this name) is just so sdhgusdghhsfhdfhusg

11.YEAH FREE CONTEXT FOR OUR POOR READER

12. Donnie: "fucking botched bullshit rescue attemnt. He's utter scum. I'll"

Me: u///u

13. "Sort of.. kicked him off the roof?" "Oh and I called him carrot cake and told him to get lost"

"kiss me"

I HAVE- I CANT EXPLAIN-

YEAH I WILL LITERALLY TEAR APART EVERY PERSON YOU DON'T LIKE IF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY AND PROUD AND LOVED. I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE "THE GOOD ONES" AND GOD I WILL COMMIT ALL THE WORST ATTROCITIES IF IT MEANS YOU WILL LOOK AT ME THAT WAY AGAIN URGGGHHHHHHHHH

14. NO PLEASE DONNIE DON'T LEAVE ME I LITERALLY NEED YOU FOR MY BRAIN TO GIVE ME THE HAPPY JUICE

15. BIG ASS APOLOGY WALL TEXT I'M GONNA TATTOO IT IN MY OTHER FVCKING TIGHT I SWEAR TO GOD

YEAH BITCH APOLOGIZE FOR EVERYTHING SO I CAN FORGIVE YOU WITHOUT A SECOND TOUGHT AND THEN HOLD YOU IN MY HANDS BECAUSE YOU DESERVE THE WORLD IDC YOU CAN KICK MY MOM AND ILL SAY "AWW NO BIGGIE BBY"

16. OF COURSE HE HAS LOTS PROPERTIES ALL LOOKING THE SAME YEAH READER HE IS INDEED A STUPID RICH IDIOT

IT'S SO SAD BUT SO FUNNY THAT HE CAN'T GET ATTACHED TO ONE PLACE SO HE HAS TO DO THAT HE CAN LEAVE IN MY HOUSE NOBODY WILL EVER FIND HIM IN MY SHIT ASS TOWN (jk i love my town)

17. Donnie being seduced by reader insulting his (not) brothers

18. "I had made it to 30" the exact moment I started to cry.

19. "I will never be more than a deplorable villain." YESYESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING

THE CONVERSATION- ITS HAPPENIGN

DONNIE EVEN IF THAT WERE TRUE I WOULD LOVE U FOR THAT DONT EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT

20. "Your blind eye will get you killed and I will decimate this planet for even considering bringing harm to you" THIS EXACT MOMENT FREAKING DORK, THIS EXACT MOMENT MADE MY BRAIN STOP FUNCTIONING.

LITERALLY, THIS FANFIC IS A COCTEL OF ALL THE STUFF I LOVE AND THIS IS THE FUCKING CHERRY ON TOP. I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SINGLE LINE. I WILL SCREENCAP THIS PART OF THE FIC AND IT GOES TO MY WALLPAPER.

21. the final scene is so touching. I really love those two and I know they'll be together again but part of me feels so bad for them for having to be apart for so much time ("at least a few weeks" it's a fvcking lot). I wonder how will reader process al this information when she's away from all of this. I wonder what will happen with dispute of donnie and his (not) brothers.

I WONDER IF THE BASTARD IS SPLINTER OR IT'S THE TURTLES. I GOT THE DOUBT AND LOOKING IT UP IN GOOGLE TRANSLATE ONLY CONFUSED ME MORE.

-

My asks are getting longer and longer BUT THERE WAS SO MUCH I NEEDED TO YELL ABOUT I SWEAR TO GOD

I've decided chapter 19 was my favorite yasterday but now you blessed us with this one. THIS IS MY TOTAL FAVORITE, I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO THINK TWICE, IF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THIS CHAPTER WASN'T ENOUGH TO MAKE IT MY FAVORITE THAT LINE, YOU KNOW WICH, ABSOLUTELY BOUGHT ME.

i hope you have a good day bye!!!!!!!

You miserable? I'm the same way! It's excruciating to be in love with a purple turtle. He is both everything and some how nothing when he is so real in my dreams 😩😩😩😩

S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. is the best white noise machine. There, i said it.

Daddy issues, huh? 👀👀👀

Mr. Alliteration over here has a color insult for each brother. Oaf is a little lighthearted overall, but from Donnie it's straight hate.

Ahhhh!! I'm not commenting on every item, but you highlighting them makes my heart swell!!! I can't thank you enough! This really made me smile!! You have a wonderful day as well!!!