#makes sense she cried tbh a few days ago my dad was making fun of op and my mom defended it saying

[mistninja]

My mom cried watching luffys "I still have my friends" scene 👍 I cried too ofc 👍

[purplesurveys]

1230

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”?  Way back last year.

What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all?  I find energy drinks nasty.

Would you have kids with the last person you kissed?  That wouldn’t be possible even in the literal sense.

Do you know someone who threatens to kill themselves?  Before.

Would you ever completely dye your hair the color green?  Yes, but I would opt for a darker shade rather than a bright or neon one.

Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship before?  I have not. Thinking about it, I’m pretty low-maintenance so I could probably handle it if I ever find myself in that situation, as long as I’m invested enough in the relationship and my partner.

What is your favorite food to eat around Christmas?  I like anything my family prepares really, but I definitely go for lumpia first if I see a whole container of it.

Do the people in your town speak like rednecks?  No and I’m not sure if we have an equivalent for that here.

When was the last time you cried happy tears?  Like a week ago when the Permission to Dance video came out. The ending when everyone was taking off their masks and smiling was really heartwarming.

How liberal are you?  Enough to make most of my relatives uncomfortable.

Would you mind living near large predatory animals?  Yes. I’ve lived in gated villages all my life so it will take a lot of getting used to.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness?  I don’t think so. The ‘worst’ I’ve experienced is just feeling pressure in my ears and having weakened hearing whenever we drive up mountains; it takes a while before mine do the popping thing and I get my normal hearing back.

What’s your biggest priority right now?  To be consistent at improving at my job and making fewer mistakes as I go. I shared this with my boss recently and she told me not to worry too much as I’m doing better than I think I am and that the mistakes I beat myself about have actually been small and fixable ones, but the perfectionist/workaholic in me just refuses to be reassured lol.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself?  The last time this happened, public wi-fi was still mostly a myth so I had to contend with A LOT of forced napping just to make the time pass by. I didn’t have a phone either, so my experience was extremely dull and boring.

Are your hands unsteady?  They’re not surgeon-level stable but I think they’re fine for the most part.

Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music?  I used to until I got into BTS. I haven’t really listened to any other artist since getting into them back in April lol.

Do you think you’re pretty?  Some days.

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook?  Yeah, a few work contacts like bloggers whose names I recognized but have never talked to/engaged with.

Do you have dirty pictures in your phone?  Nope.

Have you ever looked up porn on the internet?  Yes. I have my on-and-off phases when it comes to porn though and these days I don’t watch a lot of it.

Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? In a case of self-defense where I was clearly trying to be killed, that's right where I would aim. But otherwise, of course I wouldn't. < Sounds about right. But holy shit that sounds like it would look so gross.

Have you ever sold drugs?  I’ve never been around drugs ever.

Did you ever try cutting yourself?  It was a coping mechanism many, many moons ago.

Who’s the last guy you texted?  It was a - surprise surprise - delivery guy who needed directions again to my house.

Who do you know that wears the most make up?  I’m not sure, but then again most people I know don’t really put on makeup these days because lol Covid and stay-at-home orders??

Do any of your friends have kids?  None of my friends do but I know several acquaintances and people from high school who’ve already given birth.

Have you ever been tied up?  Yeah.

How many times have you been cussed out?  Nearly everyday as a teenager.

Are you anyone’s first love?  I think?

Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?  Nope.

Do you have more than one personality?  Nope.

Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? Psychological ones for sure, but I don’t mind gore as well as long as it’s fun to watch and that it’s not too corny.

Do you have a favorite YouTuber or do you not watch much YouTube?  I haven’t watched a lot of YouTubers these days, but very recently I’ve been gravitating towards soothing vloggers like Anna Park and Mejiwoo. Their vlogs are greeeeaaaaat and I’m excited to discover similar creators so I can watch more videos that carry the same vibe.

Are you a good dancer?  I dance only when alone or when drunk. That said, I’m no good at all.

If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be?  Continued from yesterday. It’d be nice to reconnect with Raegan for like a day, just to catch up. Then again I’ve since been able to track her down on social media, so it’s nice to be able to see how she’s doing, at least from afar.

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? The teacher-in-charge of my section was a woman. They didn’t really appoint guy teachers to be TICs until recently.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?  Yeah, but it had been a decayed tooth at that point that really needed to be pulled since it technically didn’t have a purpose anymore.

Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair. 

Have you ever been to a nursing home?  I don’t think so.

Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into?  Fortunately, no. My mom’s childhood home was robbed though, and their grand piano ended up being stolen :( To this day they have no clue how the thieves were able to pull it off without making too big of a fuss.

Is there someone in your life you don’t want in it?  I don’t think I dislike anyone that much at the moment.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?  Three. Two of them because they died, and the other one is my dad for the times we had to drive him to the airport though I only cried over it only as a kid. 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?  Andi.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?  Yes.

Pretending to “never get the text” from someone who annoys you. Is that you?  Not really. I reply, just not quickly enough.

If your ex came up to you and asked you to take them back, what would you say?  Honest to god I would probably be smug about it, and ask what led to the sudden change of mind. I’m doing too okay now to entertain the request though, so idk if I would agree to it or not because I’ve worked pretty hard to get here.

Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I wouldn’t know; I’ve never been with a guy before so I haven’t really had a chance to establish a preference.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Nothing.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows?  I have my moods. I prefer my cooking shows on YouTube, though.

Do you worry about gaining weight?  No.

Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching?  Yeah the acting was so fucking cheesy the first 5 minutes the only thing left for me to do was gag. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in?  They don’t really organize stuff here, or if they do I never join them to begin with.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses' names?  Nope. I know my sister doesn’t want to get married + I don’t speak to my brother, so I dunno if I’ll ever have any in-laws tbh.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out?  Well obviously I crave it these days, so it actually feels nice when everyone in the family has errands to run on the same day.

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone?  I lost Sofie, but I also blame college life for that loss.

Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa when you were little?  No.

To who did you last give the finger to?  I haven’t had to flip someone off in a while. I’m guessing just some stupid driver.

Do you talk in your sleep?  Nope. At least I have never been informed that I do.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?  It’s civil enough for the house to stay quiet most days, but it’s nothing excellent.

Have you ever been a featured member on any website?  I don’t think so.

Do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time?  Yes.

Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows?  Without. I HAAAAAATE marshmallows.

Which do you like better: Regular cakes or cookie cakes?  I never got the point of cookie cakes tbh lol.

Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex?  No.

If your significant other cheated on you, would you take them back?  I know I definitely have the capacity to be dumb enough to do this, but it would also depend on how invested I am in the person.

What was the last song you listened to?  I'm currently listening to a slowed down version of Jungkook’s cover of Biebs’ 2U. 4 AM things.

What do you look for most in a friendship?  I’ve answered this question on a previous survey, same with a few of the following questions.

[will-i-everape-my-despair]

my life

okay where to begin  when i was young or when i wasnt?

alright ill start from the beggining 

it wasnt a great life

well not ideal anyways 

when i was born i almost died, my mother was diagnosed with post natal depression in spain, yeah i was born there ....when having to move to australia because spain isnt good with that sorta support .......my dad said he would come 

he lied

he cheated on my mother and decided to marry someone else, meanwhile my mother braught her one and only daughter with her, me 

i loved my mother because everyone else didnt like me , or atleast because of my mental contition they thaught i wasnt worth anything , i became dependent , and knew a world where you wernt huged nor kissed often, you had to grow up fast or youll be left behind .....mum helped of course but .....idk i wasnt an easy child to take care of , i didnt understand most things like love, respect ect i.....i dint understand emotions , she had to teach me to emote and to sleep, at least thats what she said 

when i first moved it was an expierience but , from then on my scheduales got stricter and my mother would get violent for no reason i thaught , i didnt uunderstand why she got so mad , i wasnt the best child but i never knew why

she hit me pulled my hair blackmailed me berated me ABUSED me 

and yet 

i still loved her , because when all you are taught was despair .......how can you see it as bad?,

expecialy when the world was against you 

======

i moved schools , into a new area  it was fun....i was scared at first ....and it was also my first taste of hope  i prefferred school over home  why? well....my family aint the best  i was often the scapegoat for my cousins actions , which just made the family hate us more ......except my grandparents  i was either sheltered , or mum just didnt have time to teach me idk  but my aunties not my mother would take care of me....when i was very very sick .....mum had to work 

from here it gets fuzzy 

i only remember a few things , when i was sick being forced to go to school, we never celebrated halloween like ever , i didnt do my homework because i would weasel out of it , and for the longest time i felt well.....sick .....inside or outside no idea i thaught is was depression, mum asked me why i feel like that and said then i dont have it 

====

we moved again 

more like we got kicked out 

and then

from there

mum only got

WORSE

we moved into someone named tonys house .....he was....to put it simply, a piece of shit , how mum fell in love is BEYOND me  he....liked to make mum mad....and sick her on me by running out of the house  from here ........i developed insomnia , my pillow was more full of tears than dreams , and tbh i had horrible nightmares , when i told mum she didnt look concerned.....well her eyes never showed it not that i knew ......i was .....always medicated but .......this was new i felt 

lost broken void emotionless empty expecialy after my cousin made me his little prostitute

still i was expected to work, my hair that used to shine like gold in the sun....lost all of it and my hair started turning white , i have more grey hairs than the average teen my sparkle was long gone....and i hid myself in the world of my mind and technology, eye baggs were visible and i dint do anything heh kinda like now.....i went to tutoring....i avoided work like the plauge  around this time however mum told me about her old faith....Jehovas Witness  i was sure why not  i at first ....it seemed so lovely  and i actively participated at this point i was in high school ... the family was in conflict...and school wasnt much better  then came....the dreaded ......scrunchie incident did i mention i was never left alone at home? because i was in highschool and still going to day care well i made friends in this little toddlers day care and well...i was invited to a party.....i just had a shower and lost the scrunchie i always wore and still do wear mum became enraged pulling my ears my hair making me hyperventilate ...i might of died no idea thank god abuello saved me  after a while of tonys bs, and becoming completely dead inside i....we moved again  i was still a JW but then......i became less trustfull of anything and anyone ....i looked at it .....and saw how condtradictory it was  i saw how bad the school system really was .....the more i searched on the net the more i learnt .....and the more i learnt the more i knew...

something was WRONG 

then last year in yr 10 maths......is the devil...expecaily the advanced stuff ....lets just say school wasnt safe anymore and math class made me pass out due to stress mum would hit me over homework, or throw my books in fits of rage then told me its YOUR FAULT i do this , YOUR FAULT that im breaking jehovas laws! and i actualy faught back after she nearly bashed my head in ..........i .....the iron my grandma died two years ago

english class wasnt too bad, but this one asssignment mum re wrote the whole thing ..........because “it didnt make sense “  i told her to shove it and not to be infolved in my work anymore

 i hate school the***pists ......i was overwhelmed......and at the end of the year i ......broke.....BAD....i told all my fellow classmates everything i had experienced........................to come home.....get called by my mother......and get yelled at .....over the phone.....for telling the truth......not because she was scared for me.....but because of her reputation.....she yelled at me and berated me.....i was still breaking and in a flash a thaught  one single thing “would anyone care if i died?” “if i died would mum be happy and free from me” “maybe i should go im a waste”  

i grabbed a knife  held it to my chest and couldnt do it  i thaught of my family, my friends and how they might feel

only to get berating texts and yelled at by my auntie  

then......yr 11 poped up  and the acedemic sprang into place  ....mum and i ......dont ....arent.....we arent compatible i found out after this  it was online work....my ADHD ass couldnt DO that....and what was worse my alters made themselves KNOWN ha  ha hahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA killer kit my mother with a bottle and she whined of how i could of killed her....i distrusted him after that  i cried in the kitchen...laughing like a phycho  ... .................. ............................ and they were very distracting towards my work....which is what CAUSED that in the first place  term 2  well i found a friend group on line  they are angles  really they are 

tbh before yr 11 i was a bit better  but now i had well ALOT of appointments that i dint want  that didnt help  and the kids ......liked making me scared  term three is now  my grandpa died i finnaly cut myself off the JW  i told mum how i felt , the truth like she WANTED  she told me im spinning things that im abusive that shes a servant  i know i dont do much.....but my boddy is broken....i dont have motivation  and this place keeps me sane  and  alive one more year in the chambers of despair  and when that year is up the frail angel that lost her wings will be given the power  to soar to hope once again 

[piilokarsastus]

Question time!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? because life is hard and i just don’t understand what i’m doing wrong but everyone else seems to know

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? nope. and to be fair, i would be sleeping anyway

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? if it’s like an actual thing for them that they do regularly, i’d probably be a bit concerned, but i don’t see anything wrong with trying things out for fun. if you’re just a straight up pothead, we wouldn’t be dating in the first place

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? i guess

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? filling in another pointless question post on tumblr, funny that you should ask

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? unlikely scenario, but i’m gonna say my friends from uni

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? probably spend the next few years thinking about it, unable to trust anyone again

8: Are you close with your dad? not as close as with my mum but still reasonably close

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? i’m curious as to what kind of life you think i’m living because this is not it

10: What are you listening to? the soothing hum of my laptop fan

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? woter:)

12: Do you like hickeys? i don’t exactly understand the point

13: What time do you go to bed? going to bed and falling asleep are two very different things but usually around 2-4

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? me. it’s me.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? definitely not

16: Do you always answer your texts? sooner or later, yes

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? no

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? not that long ago

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? all of my friends

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? aight imma head out

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? no

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? in a sense i do

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? i feel like i was, yeah

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? well there’s nothing to “fix” per se, i just wish things went differently

25: In the past week, have you cried? yes

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? red

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? my aunt often does, weirdly enough

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? only every single one of the 4 people i’ve messaged on tinder recently. which makes me feel really great

29: Do you have a best friend? there’s someone i could perhaps call my best friend but i don’t think i have a “true” best friend at the moment like those i’ve had before

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? no i’m completely neutral towards her

31: Who was your last call from? my friend tried to call me yesterday but i couldn’t answer

32: Are you mad at anyone? no

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? marginally, yes

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? honestly i don’t know?? i don’t remember when she was born exactly but i feel like we were born in the same year at least, so i’m guessing either 21 or 22

35: How many more days until your birthday? 329

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? summer literally just ended so no

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? not exactly a fan of the word opposite in this context but i get what you mean. so yeah, most of my friends are of the “opposite” sex

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? nothing that would be their business to know

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? i guess i do.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? i haven’t kissed nearly enough people for there to be any regrets. soo... would you like to be my first regret? haha just kidding... unless...

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? not going to write the essay that the wording of this question warrants but basically yes but only to some extent; what’s more important is that you’re in a similar phase in life and have similar expectations about the relationship. age can be a large factor in those things as well as your “maturity” but it isn’t the only factor.

42: Are you available? yeah bitch hmu

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? two

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? well i guess it’d have to be a septum, then

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? yes, in fact that’s my life philosophy

46: Do you regret anything? :)) i don’t think about it as much as i used to but i’ve never fully forgiven myself for confessing my feelings to someone who wasn’t interested in me. this is known as the february 2019 incident

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? tiddies

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? yeah, not to death but to life

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? no

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? i don’t quite like anyone at the moment and it’s gonna take a long time until i’m ever going to have the courage to make a move on anyone i’m interested in because of the aforementioned incident

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? no

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? no, like there’s nothing negative between us and we’d say hello if we met on the street but we just don’t talk 

53: What was the last thing you ate? pancake:)

54: Did you get any compliments today? haven’t really interacted with anyone today so no

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? bich this is my vacation, i’m going nowhere except to bed

56: Do you own anything from other countries? yes. like i’m a bit amused by this question like where on this planet can you even live where at least some of your stuff hasn’t been made in China etc. (well, i guess that would be China). but even if you’re referring to souvenirs from trips etc, still yes

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life? in Oulu, Finland

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? a few months ago, but i wasn’t the one driving

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? yes, also known as the game where my friends try to find out who i have a crush on

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? i had to google what TPing means and i’m more and more scared of americans every day

62: Who do you text the most? honestly my social life is at a point where my most common recurring interaction is exchanging cat videos with my mum (apart from group chats)

63: What was the last movie you saw? the matrix

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? yeah as if i have one

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? 2010?? damn i was literally 10

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? we were around the same age

67: Do you curse around your parents? for comedic effect

68: Are you happy with where you live? not my dream apartment but it’s okay

69: Do you collect anything? my tiktok seems to have become a collection of about 250 cute lgbt folks, but other than that, no

70: What’s your favourite colour? a kind of deep, ultramarine blue

71: Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone? not in particular

72: Has anyone ever cheated on you? no

73: What are your plans for tomorrow? make some music

74: Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? i don’t have any

75: Does your last ex have a job? not that i know of

76: What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? she is and i’m happy for her, or as happy as i can be while being painfully aware of the fact that my love life hasn’t gone anywhere in the past two years

77: Where is your cellphone? on the floor, charging

78: What colour is your cellphone? black and bronze

79: What did you dream of last night? it was something fairly nsfw and extremely hot and i lterally had to pause for a second when i woke up because damn it’s been so fucking long since i’ve experienced that irl and it left me with a bad case of yearning

80: Are you atheist? yes

81: Will you change your name when you get married? no

82: Are you ready for autumn weather? would be a bit too late if i wasn’t

83: Have you had any big storms recently? there was one that was rumoured to be really big but tbh i barely noticed it 

84: What kind of bottoms are you wearing? just my comfy pajamas

[mylifeasevelyn]

Orphan

Hello dear stranger, it’s me, Evelyn. Yeah, it’s been a long time... I’ve written a lot of drafts throughout the past couple of months, but I could never finish them or wrap my thoughts properly... until today.

The past 15 months have all been about rediscovering myself after breaking free from my abuser. I truly thought it was going to be an easy transition, but fuck no, it wasn’t. The first six months were shit ‘cause she kept trying to contact me and trying fuck me up psychologically, and the following months were confusing, to say the least. Too much shit went down and thanks to the few years of free therapy I got from my shitty university, I’ve been processing everything without resorting to self destruction in the process. Ever since I broke contact with my abusive mother/the demon who cannot be named/former wife to my dad, my father and I have been sort of trying to bond as father-daughter. We have never been truly close and I truly can’t remember why ‘cause I cannot remember my childhood or teenage years. My memory is hazy from back then due to all the abuse and trauma I endured at such a young age. Anyways, overall, my life was going from ugh to meh (depression much? Lol)

Shit started to hit the fan on October 30th, 2019. I remember that day clearly because of what happened the following day... anyways, I remember asking my shrink to give a call asap. Within 30 minutes she gave me a call. I was studying at the library at the time. I exited the place and made my way to the closest place where I could speak privately. Long story short, I told her my depression was making a huge return. I was slowly but surely losing interest in the things I was doing, regardless of my feeble attempts to keep myself sane in the process. After she hang up, I kept thinking about how I no longer had anything to fight for. No real sense of family, no real sense of friends, nada. Not even a fucking a pet to come back home and take care of or something (although having a pet while being in this mental state is not my kinda thing to do tbh.) It was in that moment that I remembered that over ten years ago, I used to work as a waitress to grab some cash to eventually travel to Buenos Aires and see My Chemical Romance live, which I did (hell yeah.) Fuck, but that shitty dream of seeing them live again had ended there when the band broke up. October 31st came and well, y’all know what happened already. Having them back shook my world and gave me another reason to keep fighting this mental illness and all the other bullshit I’m still going through. The following weeks became more bearable, but still, something wasn’t right. Another month went by. It was a Wednesday midnight, I was about to get to bed when I got a text from my father, back at it again with the suicidal thoughts. He’s done this for the last couple of years, the first time affecting me so bad that I had a panic attack (fyi, we live in different cities, I can’t just go and see him right away.) Again, thanks to therapy, I’ve learnt how to take a step back and see things with a better perspective. After reading his text, I once again took the role of parentified child and tried my best to comfort him, and insisting on him getting therapy. And as stubborn as he is, he said no and started making excuses and me, as patient and comforting as I know I can be, I kept telling him that I couldn’t always be there for him and it would make me feel more at ease if he would just freaking go and see a professional. I gave him links to read and find the right therapist for him and all that jazz. I also told him that if he wasn’t gonna do it for him, then he should at least do it for his daughter. The following day he sent me pictures of him having a great fucking time with his friends while I was here, back home, fucking worried. So yeah, damn right I got angry at him. I didn’t reach back to him until the following Monday ‘cause he kept texting me and I was getting annoyed by the endless I’m okay pictures he was sending me. I gently told him to back off and give me space. More months went by and we kept being in touch and seeing each other, pretending like it was all freaking peachy, as always. Believe the lie. Remember?

January 2020 came by and a friend told me she was going to see a Queen tribute band with his dad and I thought it would be a great opportunity for my dad and I to properly bond, since we’re both passionate about music. I invited him to the show and he said yes. Another month went by and we met again. I could tell something was off about him the moment he walked through my door, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was doing my make up while he waited for me to be done. Mind you, we don’t talk much because he is a really quiet man when he is around me, my brother and his ex-wife. The moment he started talking I could tell he was venting, and I was carefully listening and responding when necessary. And that’s when he admitted to me that he was back to doing shady businesses with criminals. Since he knows I’m not a judgy person, he told me everything in detail. The more he told me, the more my body was becoming tense, to the point where I pulled a neck muscle. But my stomach truly turned when he told me, casually, that he had given my security number to a thug as “insurance”. The moment he said that, I remembered when he, a few weeks back, had asked for my security number and I asked why he needed it, and he said it was because he’d forgotten it. I was stupid and naîve enough to trust him and he straight up lied to me, yet again. Whenever fucked up shit like this happened, child me would become paralysed or mute. Hell, I used to stutter and mumble till age 13. My teachers were always nice to me about it ‘cause I was a good, responsible student. That’s all I can remember. So, it’s safe to say that I was in shock. He kept on talking and I could see my reflection in the mirror starting to change. Shit. Not a panic attack. Not now. I don’t know how, but I managed to keep my shit together. We left my apartment. I wasn’t feeling well. Something was wrong. I couldn’t process what had just happened. I was back to being a child. I couldn’t talk. I texted my shrink. It was an SOS moment. She couldn’t call me. Fuck. My mind kept telling me what happened is wrong, this is wrong... but what exactly_ is_ wrong? Why am I feeling this way? A couple of hours went by and I was able to block those thoughts from disrupting me. I slowly started chatting again. My father was unaware of what was happening. I’m pretty sure he thought I was grumpy or something. Besides, it’s not like he hasn’t seen me this way before, lol.Either way, he never asks about me, my life. It’s always been about him since we’ve officially “reconnected.” Well, the more I think about it, since forever.

Night time had finally come and it was time for the show. Things were still awkward between my father and me, but I was somehow more relaxed ‘cause I knew I was meeting my friend and her dad. They were late and my father and I were barely talking to one another, so I said fuck it, grabbed my phone and started checking my social media to make time go by faster. And alas, my friend and her dad finally made it. What a relief. I started feeling my usual self coming back. I was back to talking and being my usual goofy self. Unfortunately, my father was being an asshole, I cracked jokes and tried my best to include him in the conversation but he wouldn’t even laugh. He would just look away, so I retreated a bit and I went back to just being awkward with him. Right before the show started, there were two empty seats with a better view right next to were my friend was sitting, so my father suggested we should go and sit there instead. I gladly agreed. I changed seats right away. I looked back, he didn’t move an inch. Instead, he was signalling me what I think meant something like “yeah, yeah, go ahead” and at this point I was looking at him, confused. I was thinking: “dude, really? We’re supposed to be here and bond. Not sit three seats away from each other. Pff” My friend’s father was cool enough to change seats with my friend so that we could sit next to each other. So, there we were, from left to right: me, my friend, her father, and my father. At the moment, I remember telling my friend: “oh good, I hope they bond and have fun since they are almost the same age and wearing the same coloured t-shirts! Bahaha” The show went on smoothly. 10/10. But part of me was still keeping an eye on my father, making sure he was having a good time. My friend would check on him and tell me if he was having fun. As I predicted, he cried while singing his lungs out to Bohemian Rhapsody. Both him and I miss her deeply. His mother, my grandmother. Anyways, the show was over and I had to get back to my dad. The moment the lights were back on and I looked at him, I could tell he had been crying, so my stupid heart and empathic soul gave him a break and tried their best to get back on more friendly terms. Unfortunately, he was back to being unfriendly with the rest of us. So much so, that he grabbed my shoulder and moved me away from my friend and her dad. Again, it didn’t feel right when he did that. That feeling felt so familiar, but I couldn’t remember why... I eventually lost sight of my friend and we got lost in the crowd that was exiting the stadium. For a moment I stopped somewhere where there wouldn’t be a shit ton of people walking all over me and I turned around to see if I see if I could find them to at least say goodbye. My father was vocal again and told me to just keep going and I insisted on trying to find them. As you can guess, I had no luck finding them. Now it was time for me and him to go to each other’s home. At this point it was almost midnight and I had to get on a bus to go back. He insisted on taking me back home (40km away.) Had I found my friend, we would’ve gone back home together, as intended. The ride back home was filled by John Williams’ score of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I chose the music ‘cause at this point I had a headache and since I suffer from motion sickness and I was out of dramamine, I had to listen to my music. I tried making conversation and all I got back from him was “really”, “oh”, “yeah”, “oh, really?” and “oh, yes.” I was trying my best not to cry. The moment the score started playing A window to the past’s part in Mischief Managed! A memory came back. I used to lock myself up in my bedroom and play that song on loop while crying to drown out the sound of me sobbing. I also remember that whenever I cried too hard at night, the following day I’d had to wear make up on my eyes to cover my puffy eyes. I was fourteen years old back then. That was the year my father cheated on my mother and moved to my grandmother’s house, who had just passed away months prior to all that toxic drama that they always had. I didn’t cry because I wanted my mommy and daddy back together, fuck them. I cried because I had to go back to my dead friend’s house and have my happy memories turn to shit after seeing her house lifeless too. Remembering that fucked up memory puts me back on the brink of tears as I’m typing it now. Man, that’s the reason why I don’t enjoy listening to_ A window to the past _anymore. Anyways, I was back home safe and sound, him too. I was feeling mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.  

I abruptly woke up, found myself lost in my own bed, my own bedroom, my own apartment. I shook my head as an attempt to get my shit together and that was when I heard a voice in my head say: “he was abusive yesterday. He’s abusive too, just like her.” And_ fuck_. Yes. That was it. That’s why I felt weird. That’s why I almost had a panic attack. That’s why I almost cried twice throughout the day. He’s always been this way with me. He doesn’t know shit about me. Whenever I tell him something about me, he doesn’t even remember having that conversation at all. Hell, he can’t even remember my friends names! He never asks about how I’m doing, not that I care since we’re not close whatsoever, but you know, he should at least know that since, well, he’s my fucking father. Whenever he bought me a present growing up, it was always something he liked, something he wanted me to wear. Hell, I can’t even tell how many pink pieces of clothing I’ve gotten rid of because I fucking_ hate that colour, or maybe the reason why I fucking hate that colour so much is because of how much he forced me into wearing it. He’s always been a distant father, but at least he never beat the shit out of me or told me I was fat or ugly, or that he preferred my brother over me (like my abusive mother used to do.) Then again, that doesn’t make him any less abusive. Abuse is abuse. His motto’s always been “here, have this money, do whatever.” I used to appreciate that because I thought “cool, thank you for not being nosy.” Truth is, the reason why we can’t connect, bond or whatever is because he doesn’t give a shit about me. He’s been rejoicing on the fact that I’m “on his side” now because I no longer talk to abuser n° 1. On one of my sessions, my therapist told me that the reason why abuser 1 always did her best to crush my self-steem was because she considered me competition. And I dumbfoundedly asked “competition?”. And she replied: “yes, she feels like she was to compete with you for your father’s attention.” My head exploded after that statement. Right now I can’t help but think of what she told me that way. My father has kinda well more like really, been doing kinda the same shit to me, trying to keep me as close as possible to him, to the point where he texts every other day, which he never did until now. The suicide drama, the criminal activity, and a lot more shit that I’m sick of having to deal with. Like I said before, I’ve always been on the role of a parentified child. I always had to deal with this shit _and on my own. I’ve always been the punching bag. I always had to deal with all their drama when all I wanted was to have a normal childhood. All I got instead is a suicide attempt, a decade of self-harm and a long ass history of drug and alcohol abuse, which they know nothing about because I always kept it to myself. I always felt like a burden. I always felt guilty. I was always a “crybaby” because abuser 1 used to tell me that as a kid and whenever she used to see me cry about something as an adult.

So yeah, I’m fucking done with my family. Oh, and my brother? In case you haven’t read any of my previous posts, he’s just as an asshole as the other two are. He’s violent like abuser 1, so fuck you very much, I’m okay this way. He won’t talk to me and he won’t even tell me why. The rest of my family don’t know shit about me because I was always the “quiet one” so I know for a fact that I’m most likely the black sheep for not returning to my hometown in the past year or so. Abuser 1 is very into deceiving appearances and wearing a public mask, so I know for a fact that she’s playing the victim because she can’t reach me anymore, bahaha. fml.

With this post, I can officially say that I’m done grieving the family I always wanted to have but never did. I’ve been meaning to legally change my name because my middle name is abuser’s name 1 and now that abuser 2 has used my personal information against my will to do criminal activity, I have more than enough reasons to reinvent myself in every fucking way I want and need. With that being said, if you’ve got some last name suggestions, feel free to send me suggestions. This is only the beginning of the new chapter of my life. Hopefully your new chapter is starting now or soon too, dear stranger.

                                                                                                                Never give up, always fight

                                                                                                                        Love, Evelyn

[dykexion]

tagged by @minatodilf ty Ash 👌👌

What was your last

Drink: just plain water

Last phone call: my dad (I'm not big on phone calls so only my parents really call me normally)

Last text: telling @vulturousculturalist to go to sleep because it was 1am and I'm the responsible friend uwu. if discord messages don't count then I was texting one of my friends calling Zero from megaman a himbo at like 5am

Last song you listened to: Kansas by Gorillaz

Last time you cried: a few days ago I think

Have you ever dated someone: nope! being a small town dyke that goes to a catholic school unfortunately doesn't give me many dating prospects 😅

Been cheated on: nah

Kissed someone and regretted it: I don't think so actually, I once kissed a friend and it was,,,,a lil weird and we're not actually friends anymore (unrelated) and I don't like her but,,,,it was just something that happened I guess

Lost someone special: not really

Been drunk and thrown up: never been drunk! I never drink enough to make me more than just a lil tipsy

List three fave colors: black green and purple

In the last year have you…

Made a new friend: yeah!

Fallen out of love: nope

Laughed until you cried: many times, I laugh at things really easily

Met someone that changed you: I have no sense of self so maybe lmao

Found out who your true friends are: haha yeah. it was fun having an "intervention" staged about me being "unnecessarily rude to everyone and unable to make friends" when I reported a kid for harassing my other friend and making sexist and racist comments. needless to say the person who did that's not my fuckin friend anymore

Found out someone was talking about you: hahaha.

Kissed someone on your FB friends list: don't have facebook

General

How many people on your FB friends list do you know irl: don't have facebook

Do you have any pets: unfortunately no though I adore all kinds of animals. I do lay somewhat of a claim to my friend's cat because she actually apparently likes me better than the people who live with her lmao (take that Lorna!)

Do you want to change your name: hmmm i don't think so tbh, I was thinking of going by a shortening of my middle name (Louise -> Lou) occasionally but idk lmao

What did you do for your last birthday: I don't think I've actually done anything for my birthday since I was like 10. I was gonna meet up with a few friends last year but coincidentally there was a school trip the same day and we got stuck in traffic on the way back so I couldn't do that :/

What time did you wake up today: about 4am. I went to sleep just after midnight and woke up four hours later unable to go back to sleep. I'm out of school for the summer but I've still been instinctively waking up at around the time I'd get up for school anyway but today just took the biscuit and woke me two hours before that

What were you doing at midnight last night: watching the snapcube Sonic 06 fandub

Name something you CANNOT wait for: uhhhhhhhh idk tbh. something will probably come to me immediately after I post this though

Last time you saw your mother: saw her like an hour ago

What is one thing you wish you could change about life: not to be stereotypical but money probably. my family's kinda in deep shit atm because we're paying out our arses to keep my grandma in the care home she's at bc we can't take care of her but that costs a serious amount of money so we don't have too much left for other stuff and it's just a tad Worrying

What are you listening to right now: I've got Gorillaz on shuffle on spotify and I can also kinda hear the rain outside

Have you ever talked to a person with the name Tom: unfortunately yes.

What’s getting on your nerves: thinking about my exam results that I'm not gonna get back until the end of August that decide my academic path for at least the next two years

Most visited website: YouTube and Tumblr

Nickname: not too many people call me nicknames anymore but cookie and amy-lou are what people used to call me (still do occasionally)

Relationship status: single

Zodiac sign: libra (+ aquarius moon and rising)

Pronouns: she/her or they/them + I also go by he/him in my head sometimes.....indecisive

Fave tv shows: I don't watch too much TV but uhhh recently I watched good omens and lucifer they were alright

Hair color: brown but I used to be super blonde when I was little. I'm also hopefully dyeing it soon, probably purple

Long or short: I prefer having my hair short and I've gone through cycles of long hair to short hair through my life lmao. the current short hair has stayed for three years so far though so thats A New Record

Height: 5'3

Do you have a crush on someone: idk tbh

What do you like about yourself: uh. despite being a major dumbass I'm actually quite clever and I like that I can help people with that. when I'm not hiding them behind my glasses or fringe I get complimented on my eyes occasionally so that's a nice physical thing. oh and also being gay as hell yeehaw

Tattoos: I don't have any but I'd kinda maybe want a simple one in the future

Righty or Lefty: righty

First surgery: never had one. I've never even fractured a bone somehow

First piercing: not actually got any piercings yet....my mum always said no piercings until I was 18 but I'm working on getting my ears pierced this summer

First best friend: this (only) girl I was friends with in like year 1 and 2. she left school after that and I never saw her again, Elizabeth if you're out there....

First sport you joined: ballet! I've been doing it for over a decade now lmao I'm almost at the point where I could become a qualified teacher if I wanted to (cue identity crisis over what I want out of life)

First pair of trainers: why??

Right now

Eating: toast

Drinking: woter

Listening to: this question has been asked three times now lmao, Gorillaz on Spotify

Want kids: probably not

Career: I want to be a translator or smth like that

Which is better:

Lips or eyes: eyes

Hugs or kissed: hugs

Shorter or taller: don't mind

Romantic or spontaneous: romantic

Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms For Hugging

Sensitive or loud: sensitive probably

Hook up or relationship: relationship definitely

Troublemaker or hesitant: hmmmm idk

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: nope

Lost glasses/contacts: fuckin constantly

Sex on a first date: nope

Broke someone’s heart: uh maybe? there was this one kid that seemed to have been really into me for a while that I turned down when we were like 14 (sorry Jamie lmao but you were instrumental in me figuring out I didn't like dudes so thanks mate)

Had your own heart broken: nah

Been arrested: never

Turned someone down: yea

Cried when someone died: yea

Fallen for a friend: unfortunately lol potentially multiple times but I'm still a disaster who can't differentiate between strong romantic and platonic feelings wassup

Do you believe in:

Yourself: eh they're alright occasionally

Miracles: nope

Love at first sight: not really

Santa Claus: nope. not sure if my parents ever bothered that much keeping it secret that he wasn't real

Kiss on the first date: sure why not

Angels: nah

i tag: (only if you wanna do it since this is super long) @vulturousculturalist @jothriku @comicsansisasin + anyone who wants to do it. I'm not tagging too many people since this is A Lot and it seems like other people are already doing this stuff atm, have a fun tuesday

[hanmemyphone]

prove ur not weak and do all the flowers

excusE ME you hoe goddamn i knew reblogging this was a trap alr alr let’s gooooooo (sorry to others who asked, seeing as I’m doing all of them, you’ll see the answers here)edit 1: i hate this so much there are SO MANYedit 2: how the heck did you do these it’s so hard

In response to this!

amaryllis - name an attribute of yourself that you are proud of.Uhhhh, I guess I’m cheerful? I don’t like to be down around others bc it might make them feel down as well so I try my best to always keep a smile~

anemone - describe a time when you felt abandoned or betrayed by someone you loved.Like, two years ago when I thought I was so close to dating the person I’d crushed on for two years but then they seemed to completely ditch me (though I did know reasoning and such, we’re good friends now)

azalea - would you describe yourself as a patient person?Hmmmmmm it honestly depends on the situation. Sometimes I can be the most patient person in the world and sometimes I get super frustrated when someone fails to complete a simple task.

begonia - describe anything you see as a “red flag” (something that makes you cautious about a new friend or love interest)My red flags are when people don’t respect others, when they don’T GIVE UP THEIR SEAT FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED IT ahem and people who seem to lack common sense.

bird of paradise - do you like hosting parties, or do you prefer to just attend?I’m more of a ‘perfer to attend’ type. I don’t mind helping out behind the scenes but recently held a party with friends and it was the best mess ever. Definitely not one for hosting either.

bluebell - what keeps you humble?UhhhhhhHhHh probably my friends who are just so much better than me LOL

chysanthemum - describe your idea of a perfect day.Chilling at home alone playing games and just blasting music

spring crocus - describe your favorite childhood memory.hmmmmm probably waking up in the middle of the night to watch my dad play World of Warcraft. There was one certain raid he would play where there was a fight which took place in a theatre and every time you did it there was a different play. There was like Romeo and Juliet, Red Riding Hood and The Wizard of Oz. It was honestly so fun to watch these plays (despite the violence in the bg but we keep hush about that). This honestly pushed me into the gaming hole.

daffodil - how do you confess your feelings to someone you’re interested in?HahahahHAAHAHa I would answer this truthfully if I had ever done it. I was very close to writing a love letter just last year but wussed out. Though, in the future, I would probably say it to their face.

daisy - describe something that gives you hope when things seem bleak.Tbh I just remember the words of Monty Oum. People don’t get it but I honestly live by his words. He was the creator of RWBY but I followed him wayyy before that. He was always going on about how you should always keep moving forward and the only obstacle is time. Remembering how much he accomplished in his short life just makes me keep going.

foxglove - when was the last time you told a lie?Today? I think? Told my mum I went to the shops in the morning to get milk (I never did, I didn’t even wake up, my grandma got the milk instead whoops)

gardenia - have you ever had to keep a romance a secret? if so, why and for how long?Yes it did in my early highschool years. I was afraid my parents would find out and get me for it so I just kept it a secret, only telling a few close friends.

purple hyacinth - describe a time when you had to apologize to someoneI had to apologise to my ex because I was the biggest piece of shit in that relationship. I fell out of love and instead of breaking up with him and helping each other move on, I ignored him for a bit only talking to him when I needed to. Very bad of me I know :(

hydrangea - how much time do you spend on your appearance each day?Not that much LOL I just like, get dressed in something, brush my hair and do facial care stuff. 10 minutes and I’m ouT

white jasmine - what is something that never fails to make you laugh?1. The kpop band Seventeen. They’re such idiots and I love them.2. My friend, SC (just his initials) he’s just endless entertainment.

lavender -  describe your oldest friendship, and why you think it has lasted so long.My oldest friendship is with the monkey who asked me to do every single flower, I’m talking about you @moanbyul-yi >:(Honestly, what a great person tho, our friendship is just so chill and I love that. We don’t have to talk every day and spend time together to know that when we DO meet up, it’s never awkward.

lilac - describe your first relationship or first love.A very cringeworthy relationship when I was in the eighth grade (yeeeaaaaaah you know how it is). Was all fun and games until we realised that we never really did anything together.

calla lily - what traits do you find beautiful in others? in yourself?Kindness, honesty and just compassion. I love these in others, can honestly make me fall instantly. In me? idk HAHA I think others are more beautiful than me

tiger lily - if you had to choose between doing what you love and making very little money, or doing a job you hate and making a lot of money, what would you choose and why?I think I would rather be doing what I love. I don’t need that much money to live, I like living a very modest life so I’d much rather prefer looking forward to each day rather than dreading it.

lotus flower - would you say that you are a spiritual person? if so, what elements of spirituality are important to you?Not really? I appreciate it but I’m not really one for all of that.

magnolia - describe your favorite thing to do outdoors.Sleep. Honestly. Gimme a good, on the cold side day and I could just sleep on a nice patch of grass under a tree. 

morning glory - are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?I’m not an affectionate person at all. I don’t really hug others like some do or tell people how much I appreciate them or like them. Although, I think if I were in a relationship, I would love to cuddle and hold their hands. I found this out two years back.

pansy - what is the most thoughtful thing that anyone has done for you?Don’t know if it’s the most but it always makes me smile. Your second appearance @moanbyul-yi ! This one always paints (I’ll use this term broadly here) something for my birthday, it always brings a smile to my face legit. Ty dude.

peony - describe the top three things necessary for a happy life.SATISFACTION.RELAXATION.LOVE.

petunia - what never fails to make you angry?People who don’t give up their seats for people in need. I’m sorry, just don’t like this :(

red poppy - what tips or tricks do you use to cheer yourself up when you’re down?I listen to The Script or Seventeen. Pretty much just listen to music and sleep.

red rose - describe your ideal date or romantic evening.Oh geez, alr hear me out here. I would love to go window shopping with my partner and just sing the songs they play in department stores. Then, we would go home and just chill together, maybe play some games or watch some anime together.

yellow rose - do you get jealous easily?Yes. Very easily. I HATE this about myself because it could be the smallest most insignificant thing and it’ll still tick me off.

snowdrop - have you ever had a falling out with a friend or family member?Not really I don’t think? I don’t really get mad at people.

sunflower - do you consider yourself a loyal person?I think I am, now at least. Betraying others is just something I don’t have an interest in.

sweet pea - describe a difficult goodbye you had to make to a friend or other loved one.A few years ago I went on exchange to Japan meaning that I had to spend two weeks with a Japanese family. That was the hardest goodbye I ever had to make. I cried so much that day HAHA usually I don’t cry at goodbyes but inside I had the feeling I would never see them again so the river of tears started flowing.

violet - how important is loyalty in friendships and/or relationships?SUPER IMPORTANT. To make your friend/partner feel secure in a relationship is so important to their health, in my opinion. Loyalty is just great.

wisteria - do you like poetry? if so, describe your favorite poem(s).I love poetry! My favourite poem is To the Virgins, To Make Much of Time. Kinda mainstream but I love the meaning behind it, telling those who read it to make the most out of every day.

zinnia - do you have any loved ones in your life that you miss and wish you could see?I had a friend in the past who made me into who I am today but in 2014 she died to cancer. If I could see her one more time I would tell her that I loved her so much. I would thank her for everything she taught me and for the stories she told me. She’s someone I’ll never forget. Thinking about it now, maybe I wouldn’t wish to see her. She would probably get mad at me HAHA

[treeplays]

okayy sooo My feelings about Life Is Strange are complicated and personal and honestly I wasn’t even thinking about Before the Storm in a critical way at all when playing through it, so maybe this is all premature and I really don’t know what I’m talking about but whatever. Here’s some long rambly spoilery thoughts on Before the Storm!

What bothered me before starting was how to reconcile the events of BTS with what we learn from LIS. Tbh not just because Why torture us with seeing Chloe and Rachel happy and together if we know how it all ends? (Do not even get me started on that final “cliffhanger” shot.) But it’s not so much that, bc obviously I agree that what happened between them was important no matter the interpretation, it does matter, but what i dislike is how the plot itself ends up switching the focus away from Rachel and Chloe and onto characters who aren’t important to the overall story of LIS.

And i think one reason why it turned out this way is the constraint of limiting the series to three consecutive days. It feels they’re following the formula of LIS for its own sake by doing one episode = one day. When everything is so consolidated to such a short time frame it feels like it’s thematically not about the relationship between Chloe and Rachel and what they meant to each other in those in between years; instead it’s about how they solved this particular problem in those three days. BTS feels so removed from the events of LIS that you could almost pretend that it takes place in an alternate reality from the main game, except of course for that final shot… (ugggggggghhhh)

So in the end it just kindof ends up feeling cruel of the developers tbh, for the plot to end up abandoning what it really started out with in regard to Chloe and Rachel’s relationship.

Back during LIS my impression of Rachel was pretty accurate to her as the force of nature we see in BTS. In both series Rachel is multifaceted; her character and relationship with Chloe is open to different interpretations and she’s a very real kind of person. We’ve all had our own Rachel’s, basically, a wildfire; beautiful and passionate, both innocent and manipulative, supportive and destructive.

That’s why it’s tough to talk about Life is Strange in terms of reviewing what works and what didn’t; it’s hard to be neutral when so much of these games feels so intensely personal. The thing about the first two episodes of BTS is that it IS intensely personal to the characters too… at first. It was always about Rachel and Chloe, building their relationship and the give and take, trust and dreams and friendship and romance and all the teenage drama, it was Chloe and Rachel versus the world, only for the final episode to devolve into this singular focus on secondary characters who in the larger scheme of LIS S1 don’t even exist.

The dream sequences with William were one of my favorite parts, and just as the first two episodes do, they start off as thematically centering on Rachel and Chloe, but later on it changes into a broader question, the truth vs lies theme of the final choice. Which seems like an odd about-face; the previous episodes were so focused on the worlds of Rachel and Chloe, their hopes and fears and anger and isolation from the world of adults, that the switch to the very grown-up question of lying for the ‘greater good’ vs the truth even if it hurts, feels a little off, especially considering that when we know where Rachel and Chloe end up in the sequel makes it all feel like going backwards. I feel like it would have been more effective to continue the episodes as little slice of life moments like in the first episodes centering on the relationship between Rachel and Chloe, but  but spread throughout the years between.

I wasn’t following the fandom at the time of release but from what I can tell it seems there was a lot of rumors about cut content and leaks regarding Episode 3? And I can definitely see where that impression came from. The final episode seems a lot less cohesive than the rest, a lot of things feel unresolved or out of left field. I also didn’t like the feeling that they were going for another Gotcha climax like in LIS that you -never see coming- or whatever. It was kindof nonsensical and honestly I was just confused. The thing with Elliot was legitimately scary but what gets me about it is, like…

I’m not sure if it’s really clever or missing their own point? When Elliot is the one framing these questions and doubts, what if Rachel really is manipulative and bad for Chloe, it’s just automatic for you to reject the idea. And maybe that’s why that ceases to be the question for the rest of the episode, Chloe is no longer interested in whether or not Rachel is “good for her” or if she should trust her, it’s no longer even a choice.

But the other “twist” part that I just don’t get is with Rachel’s dad and what he was really doing, because honestly, how is hiding the truth even an option after that? The ending sequence with the office was just one “wha” moment after another but the vision/hallucination and the mill confrontation had a great lead-up but then a terrible conclusion. I’m so disappointed Ghost William and Damon didn’t have an epic throw-down. Ok i’m kidding but it would’ve been pretty fun to have the final backtalk sequence be some kind of Vision William and Chloe vs Damon knife/verbal action sequence.

And I legit thought that talking with Sera was another dream sequence and the conversation was actually trying to convince her to not die and see Rachel again, and when it was over we’d wake up and THEN have our epic throw down with Damon. But instead we don’t get to do anything before being knocked out and suddenly all our problems are solved off screen? Then we have a nice calm conversation, it’s so out of place and weird, like were you not just injected with a huge drug dosage ten seconds ago that may or may not have been intended to kill you I still have no idea what Damon was actually trying to pull off here????

It’s just a weird choice that Rachel’s parents situation started out as another bullet point on the list of shared angst that she and Chloe bond over but becomes the entire plot of the final episode while Rachel herself is sidelined out of the picture completely.

This video explains in a really interesting way, the first LIS had a kind of genre bend in the last few episodes, but where it worked there in a very thematic way that even tied in to the final choice (unintentionally or not), in BTS it just feels like things got switched up for no reason. The question of the final choice is a tough one in any other circumstances, but the actual events leading up to it and as the entire reason for this series to exist? Meh.

But you know whatever I cried anyway and didn’t really care if it made sense tbqh!!!!

I didn’t expect answers to any of the supernatural stuff in the first game, to me it’s fine for it to just hint at things, and I kindof wish they kept up with that vibe instead of going into soap-opera territory in the final episode there. The stuff with The Tempest and the wildfire and the symbolism and love at first sight, it was all so dreamy, just hanging out with Rachel & friends and trying to navigate the awkward and the uncomfortable and the space between childhood and adulthood, the unexplainable and the mundane and the magical, that to me is the heart of Life is Strange and what makes Before the Storm beautiful in it’s own way.

[head-and-heart]

The 100 Ask Game

Thanks for the tag @istilldothiseveryday ! This looks fun :)

1. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? 

Protests? Can you get arrested for that on the Ark?

I dunno. I have a very strong personality I’d probably get into to some kind of trouble politically on the Ark 2. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? 

Nah. I’m very much alike with Clarke in the way I think and as much as I may like to stick my middle finger up at the council if I was sent down on the dropship, I think I would see the value in having the Ark (aka. a functioning society) follow us down to the ground. I would be scared out of my mind of the Grounders - back up would be nice. 3. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) 

Probably a mangled mess of metal cause I’d shut down that shit SO hard

4. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? 

Maya. I understand that her surviving doesn’t really make any sense and they needed her to die for jasper’s arc or whatever BUT TBH SHE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL??? Like, I stanned her team-up with Bellamy so hard; I’d literally sell my soul to satan for her to be incorporated into the delinquent’s group. Can you imagine her suiting up and going on hunting missions with Harper? Attending Lincoln and Bell’s sparring lessons? Sharing her music with Gina at the bar????? Helping out Abby and Jackson in medical???? Having heart to hearts with Clarke about her mom (and Clarke’s dad), who both died rebelling against the system??? Cracking jokes with Monty?? imagine if she went up to space with the squad, and what their relationship could have been like then! She could be their medic on board. 

People always simplify Maya to her relationship with Jasper (and yes they were cute) but SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE. She was smart and courageous and selfless - she had fire and wit and strength and i m i s s her. 

She’ll never see Earth, never breathe real air, never float on the water, never meet Riley 

We’ll never get to see her grow up and it makes me sad

5. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? 

Raven and Monty because they’re GENIUSES obviously.

Lincoln and Bellamy so I don’t fucking DIE lmao - I know they got my back (my poor boys - both too selfless for their own good)

Clarke cause the Angry Cat game is strong and she’s got a real knack for not dying even when she should, probably, be 110% dead 6. Minty or Briller? 

Briller. Tragically, Bryan only started to interest me in 4x02 when they gave him more dimension by visiting farm station. 

Also ... how can you say no to chickens?  7. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

Uhhh. Keit? Kayt? 

What a lame name 8. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

i don’t know him

9. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? 

I doubt I would take it. Unknown drug with unknown effects? Sounds pretty sketch. I don’t see myself going for that - I’m a generally skeptical person. 10. What character do you relate to most & What character do you like the least not including the obvious ones like Pike, etc… 

Definitely relate the most to my INTJ queen Clarke Griffin! 

And Octavia is probably my least favourite character. I can see why some people like her and the merit in her character arc I guess but tbh she just IRRITATES me to no end - she has certain characteristics that really grate at me. Obviously, some characters are horrible people (like Dr. Tsing ew) but Octavia just infuriates me because of some of her characteristics.

She’s not for me. 11. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical) 

Something practical cause I’m boring. 

Cargo pants. Ark-issued t-shirt. And a nice warm jacket. The jackets the characters wear on this show are pathetic - they barely look like they keep the wind out. And only Bellamy zips his up. smh vancouver is colder than it looks - all that humidity

As for a trademark thing? 

I’d be the only arker with an “I <3 BELLAMY BLAKE” t shirt probably

12. Favorite type of mutant animal?

Bellamy’s three-headed doggo he hasn’t found yet

anyway i still have hope

13. What would your job be on the Ark? 

I think I’d follow in Raven/Monty’s paths a bit and go into something mathematical like engineering but knowing myself I’d probably end up moving into politics later on. I have too many strong opinions to put up with the Ark system lol 14. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

Oh HELL no. I’d probably throw up all over it. I’m sorry Clarke. It’s not like that’s ACTUALLY how blood transfusions work anyway *intense side-eye at The 100 “science”* 15. If Lxa wasn’t Heda, but she’s still alive right? then who would make the best commander? 

None of them. Bellamy x Clarke leadership duo. I don’t care about the Grounder commander system - it’s all kinda bs anyway. 

None of the individual leaders on this show have done a good job. They’ve always functioned best as a team (which is why I want the Bellarke leader couple back) 16. If you were a grounder, then where would you live and who would be your mentor? 

I mean I know she went all cray cray and they all died but probably Luna’s rig. I don’t want shit to do with the other clans, who are always warring with each other. And I think Nyko would be a pretty good mentor. I’d like to learn medicine.  17. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? 

Let’s be real, I’d probably start crying about how Bellamy and Clarke are in love and wHy cAn’T tHeY jUSt bAnG aLrEAdY ... and Finn would be real mad about it if he was in charge of picking my ass off the floor like in “Day Trip” 

ha! I think it would be worth it 18. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake? 

I mean ... I definitely wouldn’t lead a manhunt to kill a thirteen year old girl so I can say with a lot of confidence that I would NOT follow the Murphy route. Not so sure I’d just pardon her though. I think the delinquents needed some kind of prison system. Charlotte did murder a kid. Even though she was a child, there probably should have been some kind of consequence for that (though not killing her would be ideal) 19. Who should be the Chancellor, if anyone? 

Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin co-leading motherfucking power couple

I will accept no less in canon. just let me fucking have this

20. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod)What is the one thing you would snatch while there? 

Oh, the iPod for sure. I literally don’t know if I could live without music. I’m listening to it ALL the time - I’m listening to it right now. RAIGN is playing *cries in Bellarke* 21. Do you think you’d have caught the virus spread through camp or would you have been immune like O.ctavia? 

I’m a weak ass bitch so probably 

and on the basis that I don’t like any of the people who ARE immune then maybe I don’t wanna be - what’s the point of surviving in a world where you’ve only got Finn Collins and O.ctavia Blake for company?  22. What would your grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? 

I want whatever makeup L.exa’s got from Polisephora. You think she’d share some of that eyeliner? 23. Favorite quote? 

“Shouldn’t there be more to life than just surviving?” - Clarke Griffin (2x14)

24. Can you forgive Murphy for his actions? How about Bellamy?

Yeah. I feel like we’re kind of past this point in the plot. They’ve both showed development and change and I think we’re definitely at a place in the story where both of them are intended as sympathetic characters to the audience. 25. If one of the characters was in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? NOOOOO ALREADY SO MUCH DEATH NOOOO 

I’m going to answer this as if all of our characters were thrown into the ring and I have to predict which one would win. 

I wanna say Octavia because I think she’s independent and - er - determined enough to take out someone she knows if it came down to being the two of them to grant her own freedom and survival. Whereas, someone like Clarke or Bellamy or Kane would probably just nightlock it cause they’re self-sacrificial af. 

But then I also think maybe Murphy ‘cause cockroaches never die (thank you Raven). 26. Least favorite ship? Favorite ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC 

Least favourite ship that people actually like? (aka. not something like Clarke and Jaha)

Probably B.echo (as a romantic relationship, not necessarily sexual). Hate to be basic and predictable but I think I would actually die if it were endgame.

FAVOURITE SHIP THAT ISN’T BELLARKE

how dare

If you asked me this a few months ago I would have told ya Niytavia but now that we’ve gotten more teasers about Octavia’s character in Season 5 I’m not sure if I want her anywhere near her (I like Niylah when she’s hot, but not cooked, ya feel?)

So maybe Jasper and Raven. Idk. I liked their friendship. Still bitter about Season 4.

I don’t really ship anything besides Bellarke that much. They’re an anomaly for me. 27. A song that should be included in the next season, like when Radioactive was? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo? 

Tbh RAIGN goes hard af so anything by her would be pretty lit. 

I mostly only associate songs I listen to with Bellarke when I’m applying them to the show so I’ve got like 100+ songs that I would love to use for them but its hard to think of a context where they would fit in with the tone of the show

And I want Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to cameo. They don’t need to say anything - they just need to stare soulfully into each other’s eyes in the background. 

... or makeout

Whatever. 28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? 

Steal the wine. Have karaoke battles. Drunkenly cry because RaVEn iS sO sTrONg and sO gOoD (and he would cry with me - he WOULD). 

Gossip about Bellamy’s butt.

The possibilities are endless, really. 

29. Opinion on Emori? Roan? 

I don’t really have a strong opinion on Emori. I feel like our knowledge of her is still so limited. She’s still barely interacted with anyone besides Murphy. But I’m guessing that may change in Season 5. I’d like to see her interact more with Bellamy, since they both have siblings (and Emori was the disgraced child too, just like O). Not many people can relate in that sense.

I really liked Roan but TO BE HONEST I found him more intriguing in Season 3 than in Season 4. He was literally up there in like my top four or five characters in Season 3 - I was so excited to learn more about him! In Season 4 he didn’t have much of a character arc, he was just kind of there to look moody and badass.

But honestly Roan is one of those characters that I don’t think was necessarily intended to be funny (as opposed to characters like Jasper and Wick) but his interactions with Clarke, Bellamy, and Echo offered up the occasional piece of comedy gold. He went too soon. Forever mourning the bromance that he and Bellamy could have had.

30. Would you want to be an extra that is killed off in a brutal way? 

I wanna be Satisfied Girl.

Or Riley. Everyone loves that guy

so ... no? maybe? does it come with the job? 31. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

CADOGAN. @metastation has ruined me; now I just want more!

Also any of the Eligius crew tbh 32. A character you’d bang? 

Omg like all of them.

Bellamy and Raven are up there tho. 

And highkey Bree could get it. She looks like she knows what she’s doing.

Echo’s hot but i dunno chains and choking aren’t really my thing

Anywayyyyy I’m way too late to the party so I won’t tag anyone but like if you feel like doing this GO AHEAD ! And you can tag me in your post if you want too

[dearmyblank]

dear all of you who feel like love will never find you, or that it's doomed to fail, or that you are undeserving, or anything along these lines,

i want to tell you a story. this story is mine. it's a little long,  it starts about 7 years ago with a high schooler, just 14, with her first "boyfriend." this boy asked her out at lunch, she said yes! there was no kissing. they "dated" at school only. he broke up with her the first day after winter break. she cried in the next class to a close friend.

4 months later, she met a boy at a friend's bat mitzvah and he was really interested. he asked her on her first date! it was to the movies. they watched "water for elephants" in theaters and when he reached for her hand, she felt butterflies like she'd never known. he was her first kiss. (tbh, it was sloppy, but it counts..) he went to a school 45 minutes away, so they were "long distance." he went a soccer camp for 3 weeks and didn't text her. she wasn't hurt by this at all and decided because she wasn't missing him she shouldn't waste his time and they decided to be friends. that friendship never really happened. she knows he's doing well though, and that is plenty.

another few months pass and she really likes a boy. he's a little more popular so she knows it won't go anywhere. then he asks her in november. they date, like actual dates! she never meets his parents but he meets hers. she thought this one meant something, until he dumped her at lunch that january. she cried. a lot. she started to notice that boys just don't really stay, do they?

now it's october. her best guy friend asks her out with flowers. she agrees. two weeks in she confesses to her friends she thinks she made a mistake..they tell her, "hold out a little longer!" she does. she catches feelings and everything is wonderful, or so she thinks. you see, this girl was very innocent. this boy pushed her to her very limits and took most of her innocence away, leaving her a very battered, physically traumatised 17 year old. then the emotional abuse began. he wasn't mean, or violent, just neglectful. gaslighting was his common tactic. she lost a lot of weight stress-starving, crying every day, afraid to lose him as he slowly "vanished". the last month she watched him flirt with what would be his next girlfriend, in front of her in classes! she dumped him two weeks after prom, after about 7 months. he mocked her during that conversation and she slapped him. she cried and cried for days but by two months later, she really didn't miss him anymore. but that was another boy, down the drain, taking much of her body with him. she vowed no boy would take the last thing she had left, she wouldn't sleep with them.

she then dates his best friend. unintentionally a heartless move, it didn't last long. he broke up with her after about two months. it's okay, it only hurt her for another two or so, but this is what, 5 boys? she's really feeling awful about her chances with guys. her friends joke sometimes that she doesn't pick very well. that really sticks with her, and she starts to believe it herself.

her friend tries to set her up in senior year with a cute football player from another school, but when he found out she was abstinent, he said it wouldn't work. she didn't blame him. they stayed friends. in fact, she's friends with the last 3 that didn't work out. it's always easier to forgive, she's discovered, as she fights her own shame every day.

right before graduating another boy comes on the scene, becomes her prom date, and starts a summer fling. she sneaks over to his house a few times and stays the night. one time they got caught, but his dad honestly thought it was so funny they didn't get in trouble. they went on dates. she had a car now, they could go places. it was a fun summer. she was going to a college 2 states away though, 400 miles/650km. he promised to come see her at 5am before she left for school. he didn't show. she cried herself to sleep in the car. he broke up with her over twitter DMs a few days later. she pined for him for 5 months.

by this time she decided she was done with boys. the first 18 months of college she didn't date, just made friends, rejected any advances. it was good for her, it gave her time for herself to grow. she decided to study abroad, something she wouldn't have done if she had a boyfriend or was dating someone.

she went to australia from the usa, almost 10,000 miles, for 4.5 months. she made new friends, she drunkenly kissed several boys in her dorm, but she lived. she stopped looking at intimacy as something to be ashamed of. and, for the first time, she fell in crazy, wild love with a boy from that dorm, a boy who lived in that country, and he fell in love with her too. she gave herself to him, fully, and for once, she wasn't scared, or ashamed, and she had no regret. the last night she was in that country he confessed how he felt, and they cried, thinking there was no way, no possible way they could make it work across the planet. she flew home, distraught, and he remained, heartbroken. they kept talking, over facebook, flirting. they started calling, and videochatting, every day, sometimes twice, for hours. two days after she returned home he found out that he could afford a trip to see her. ten days after she left, he dropped nearly two thousand dollars to fly across the planet, to a country he'd never been to, to stay with her. she cried, but for once, it was tears of joy. one month after she left, he asked her to be his girlfriend. she accepted. 

4.5 months later he landed at an airport in her city and they spent two glorious months together with her family and friends. he brought her a birthday present, a promise ring with their names and birthstones. they celebrated their six month anniversary a few days before he had to go home. two weeks after he left, she bought her roundtrip to see him. 

i leave for that trip in 25 days. we've been together over 10 months. we'll be celebrating our one year anniversary together, right before i leave to return to the USA. and next february, i'm returning, for good, for graduate school. we're planning to move in together. we both talk about the future together, and can't imagine it without each other. don't get me wrong, it's hard. some days we cry on the phone because distance hurts like nothing i've ever known. but it's worth it, because true love waits, in the fullest sense of the word.

if there's anything to learn from this story, it's that love will find you. somehow, some way, oftentimes in the most unexpected way. for me, it took me across the entire world to find my soulmate. don't give up just because one, five, fifteen boys don't work out. love finds you. i promise.

- someone who had nearly lost hope, but now believes in miracles

[geekmisconduct]

1-60? Pleeeeeeeease? :-D

Yeesh, anon. You sure you’re ready for this? lol

1. selfie

(so much work excitement)

2. what would you name your future kids?

I haven’t thought about this much (I’m not too keen on kids tbh), but if I were to ever have a son, I would include my late father’s name in there somewhere.

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss a former version of someone.

4. what are you looking forward to?

The weekend because yay, sleeping in. Also, The Last Jedi release in December.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

My bro @dreamshapers-universe :D My wife is pretty good at it too.

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

Extremely. I’d forgotten what that was like fortunately.

7. what was your life like last year?

If you’re talking about 2016, I had some of my highest highs, and lowest lows during it (basically everything after the second week of November was a shit-show for obvious reasons). 2017? Let’s just say it started out good, got better, then the bottom dropped out. I still haven’t recovered.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

Yep.

9. who did you last see in person?

A co-worker (I’m at work).

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I think I am, but I’m really not. Apparently I’m as subtle as a brick wall.

11. are you listening to music right now?

Nope.

12. what is something you want right now?

To be able to go back in time and change a few things.

13. how do you feel right now?

Hormonal, hungry and sad.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

Oh jeez. A couple weeks ago when I got together with some friends for drinks.

15. personality description

Dorky with a good sense of humor and way too self-depricating

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yes, and it haunts me every day.

17. opinion on insecurities.

I have many. Would you like some?

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?

Very much so.

19. have you ever been to New York?

Twice, the last time being the summer of 2014.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

”Figher” by Frøder.

21. age and birthday?

41 - February 28th.

22. description of crush.

That’s for me to know and you to find out ;)

23. fear(s)

Being alone, birds, not being liked, not being good enough.

24. height

5′6″ and a half

25. role model

Carrie Fisher :( And my dad.

26. idol(s)

Fritz Lang, Jodie Foster, David Lynch, Carrie Fisher (again, *sniff*). I realize these are all media folks, but my brain is fried at the moment and I’m somewhat at a loss.

27. things i hate

Mean people, confrontation and mushy pasta.

28. i’ll love you if…

You laugh at my jokes and validate my existence

29. favourite film(s)

Metropolis, Star Wars (all of them), North by Northwest, La Jetee, The Exorcist, Koyaanisqatsi. Basically my favorite film genres are sci-fi and silent films.

30. favourite tv show(s)

Twin Peaks, The X-Files, The Golden Girls (as an aside, I hate trying to make lists of my favorites, because I inevitably forget a bunch)

31. 3 random facts

- I was in a grungy all-girls cover band in high school - I played the drums

- I’ve had hamsters since I was 7-years old

- I have action figures I’ve owned for 35+ years in my ever-expanding Star Wars collection

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

girls

33. something you want to learn

How to speak German

34. most embarrassing moment

Just one? I have so many, lol. When I was in sixth grade I wore a skirt and was told later that when I was on stage with my class singing a song for an assembly, I didn’t cross my legs and the whole school could see my underwear. I’ve never been a lady, haha.

35. favourite subject

Art and math (I am an enigma)

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

- retire young enough so I can travel and enjoy many years of fun

- travel more extensively across Europe

- get back into filmmaking

37. favourite actor/actress

Winona Ryder, Kate McKinnon, Jodie Foster, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Greta Garbo, Kyle MacLachlan, just to name a few.

38. favourite comedian(s)

Margaret Cho

39. favourite sport(s)

Baseball, hockey, football. I’ll watch most sports honestly, but I find basketball and golf boring.

40. favourite memory

Waiting in line for three hours to see the first showing of Return of the Jedi on opening day when I was seven

41. relationship status

Married and stuff

42. favourite book(s)

“Fingersmith” by Sarah Waters. As a child I loved “A Wrinkle In Time” by  Madeleine L'Engle

43. favourite song ever

OK, this is nearly impossible to answer. For today, let’s just say “Fear” by Sarah McLachlan.

44. age you get mistaken for

Most people think I’m in my mid to late 30′s, though less now since my hair is getting grayer.

45. how you found out about your idol

This is a random question. I pretty much either saw them in films, or watched the films they made?

46. what my last text message says

“xxo”

47. turn ons

Glasses, brains, hips that won’t quit

48. turn offs

Ignorance, bitchiness, bad breath

49. where i want to be right now

In bed, taking a nap.

50. favourite picture of your idol

Here’s one (with bonus Mark Hamill):

51. starsign

Pisces

52. something i’m talented at

Creating spreadsheets (NERD, lol)

53. 5 things that make me happy

A sunny day, gardening, the sound of the ocean, a kind word, being able to geek out.

54. something that’s worrying me at the moment

That the future I thought I had comfortably planned ahead of me has been completely upended. Also, I think I have heartburn.

55. tumblr friends

(I’m going to forget folks, so mea culpa) @dreamshapers-universe, @thegadgetsandgizmos, @tinyforceofnature, @cosmotronic87, @abakerstrilogyhas4books, @dnoctiluca (I realize I’ve been anti-social with most of y’all lately. I’m a hot mess right now haha).

56. favourite food(s)

Pizza, pasta, stuffed artichokes, and all of the chocolate.

57. favourite animal(s)

Puppies, kittehs, and hamsters.

58. description of my best friend

She gets me. She listens. She’s patient. And she’s brilliant and adorable.

59. why i joined tumblr

To post photos I used to take at hockey games - that seems like forever ago.

60. ask me anything you want

Any takers? ;)

[tl;dr, bless your heart if you read all this.]

[misawa]

hello! since you're accepting prompts could you write some MiSawa soulmate AU? >w

omg i’m so down for this!!!! soulmate au’s are my cup of tea so here i go! honestly, i kept on pondering whether i should write something cute or angsty (in the end i gave up so whatever turn the story took i just went with it tbh) but either way, i hope you enjoy this!! ♥

*note: this got really long, and personally i want to continue it, especially since i have A LOT MORE i’d like to write. this drabble almost reached 2k words, so i’m really thinking of turning it into a fic!! that if people like it of course ghdfjbgjd if i does get to that, then i might as well publish it on ao3 :)c

rating: generalcouple: misawaword count: 1,751 wordsdescription: “who needs a soul mate anyway!?” were the words a 12-year-old miyuki kazuya had screamed, whatever pebbles his small hands could grab thrown at the night sky along with all his anger and grief. back then, the 12-year-old boy had no way of knowing that at 15 he’ll be meeting his fated one, at 17 he’d have already fallen in love, shared a kiss, his heart starting its healing. through the many years that had to come though, he’d also learn what sadness truly felt like.

“hello! my name is miyuki kazuya! what’s your name?” that was the first thing a 9-year-old kazuya scribbled across his arms the moment he’d learnt about the existence of soul mates. a long time ago (last week) a certain child had asked his mother “how did you meet father?” and the answer he got was truly out of the ordinary: “mama wrote down a number on her arm and the number showed up on papa’s arm too! so papa wrote back ‘is that your phone number?’ on his arm, and it showed up on mama’s arm too. that’s the first time we talked.” 

with that in mind, he’d attempted writing to his soul mate. the first time he wrote to his soul mate there was no reply, no smudge across his skin. nothing. kazuya sulked about it for a good while until he decided to try again, only for this time to get a reply!: “hello!!! i’m sawamura eijun! : D” through the drawings and scribbles of two innocent children, kazuya had learnt that eijun hadn’t replied at first due to him twisting his wrist. he’d also learnt that the two lived quite far away from one another (”hey dad, where’s nagano?”) and that, coincidentally, they both happened to LOVE baseball, each playing a position that completed their partner. 

who would’ve thought having a soul mate could be so much fun?

days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. the more he aged, the more kazuya’d close within himself. he was no longer the bubbly child his mother raised - she was out of the picture either way. he continued smiling, playing baseball a dream he’d never give up on, yet making friends seemed almost impossible, communication would only happen on the baseball field. at the age of 12, miyuki kazuya had realised it had been half an year since he last talked to eijun, more exactly since eijun attempted to write to him. his body was an empty canvas that lacked the random splatters on ink that the younger would draw upon his skin. that night he cried, he yelled, like a child he threw a tantrum, blaming the universe for his misfortune, throwing rocks at the sky with all his strength. “who needs a soul mate anyway?!” he’d been abandoned. 

skip a few years, miyuki kazuya was finally in high scool, his first year coming to an end. he no longer wrote to sawamura, and neither did sawamura write to him. a haunting silence, anything but comforting. his fingers would itch each time he’d sit in class and he’d hold a pen; he wanted to write, to talk to the other. his heart begged for it, cried for it - though they have yet to meet, he knew that not talking to the youth left a hole in his chest, a hole that ached and yearned for his soul mate’s love. after all, though he did not want to admit it, soul mates complete each other. it was a reality he couldn’t ignore; his body wouldn’t let him ignore it. not one day would pass without him thinking of eijun at least once, wondering how he’s doing, what’s he up to, and yet the feeling of being unworthy of such a blessing that came in the form of the pitcher was a constant nag in the back of his mind. 

—- that fatidic day had come though. never would he have expected takashima rei to be his … cupid of some sorts. that day would remain embedded in his heart and mind for as long as he’d have to live. the day in which he had finally met sawamura eijun. 

for some reason, that whole morning he felt antsy, his chest throbbing, heart pulsing; he felt alive, just like the days when he was a clueless child who’d spend a good half of the day writing to his other half. he’d woken up without wishing to go back to sleep, he’d gotten dressed faster than usual, he’d even offered to catch for the upperclassmen rather than have them ask him. how unusual. 

that day seemed normal, unlike his actions, everything went smoothly. everyone was training, the insults azuma threw at kawakami resounding on the field until he roared. each of seido’s member had their eyes fixed on the youth who had the courage of a lion, yet the brains of a bird. he’d stood up to azuma, his words leaving a mark upon miyuki: “you can’t play baseball by yourself!!”. a smile painted upon his features, his chest puffing a soft laugh. what an interesting kid! interesting enough for miyuki to want to catch for him when rei-chan announced that the stranger would pitch against azuma.

“wait a minute, i never asked to have a match with some jerk like him!” was the stranger’s protest.

“sawamura, this is a baseball field.” rei retorted, and her words had miyuki doubletake. sawamura? 

his eyes widened, and before he could form a sentence he was gawking at sawamura. it clicked. everything made sense. that was sawamura, pitcher and former captain of his team back in nagano, his SOUL MATE.

laughter bubbled in his chest, and he would’ve almost cried if it weren’t for the location. just imagine; seido’s promising catcher starts randomly crying in the middle of the baseball field, unknown to the rest that he had finally met his other half. ah, he was happy. what is this? how can someone be so overwhelmed with joy upon simply meeting their soul mate. ridiculous! yet there he was, all smiles and chuckles as he offered to catch for the pitcher. 

“can i catch his pitch?” a question directed at the assistant coach, an offer he knew she wouldn’t turn down.

“who’s he?” came sawamura’s inquire, and little did he know that the pitcher was about to live the shock of his life. 

“miyuki kazuya, a catcher.” her reply direct, yet miyuki could only watch in pure bliss the way sawamura’s face turned from confusion to shock, from shock to delight, from delight to anger. 

sawamura eijun was angry at miyuki kazuya. 

so this is how we meet, huh? miyuki had ran up to the three, his smile not once wavering, yet his heart thudding so loud in his ears. he was so close to sawamura that his hands tingled, his fingers twitching, itching to touch him. tonight, again. 

their game had ended faster than he’d wanted, sawamura leaving without sparing him another word, a second glance. for what reason the youth was angry at him, he had a hunch, but now that they’ve met miyuki was certain and could no longer brush aside his heart’s urges; sawamura eijun was completing him, both on and off the field.

that night he grabbed the closest sharpie, and without wasting another second he wrote: “i know you’re angry at me, but i’m really—-” really what? happy? miyuki kazuya is happy? though the damage was done, the wording would need to change. “—glad i met you.” there! sounds better.

the answer he received was almost instant, as if sawamura was expecting a message from the latter. “OF COURSE I’M ANGRY!!!!!!! DO YOU REALISE HOW LONG IT’S BEEN?? I’VE BEEN WAITING ALL THIS TIME, BAKA MIYUKI!!!!” all caps, huh? kazuya laughed like he hadn’t done in a long while, his eyes softening as he ran a digit over the other’s writing. he couldn’t enjoy the moment though, as eijun had quickly erased his words, leaving miyuki wishing the moment would’ve lasted longer. but he couldn’t mourn, not even for a second, as sawamura’s writing showed up on his arm again. “don’t you DARE stop writing you hear?! or i’ll get angry again!!!” “yes, yes ♥” miyuki had quickly added underneath sawamura’s words, and after meeting him in person today he could’ve guessed that eijun was spluttering back in nagano. 

“so are you coming to seido?” miyuki couldn’t help his curiosity; he wanted to know: would he get to spend the remaining of his high school days with his soul mate or would he have to try his best to maintain this long distance relationship? he needed to know, and sawamura was taking his sweet time coming up with a reply. once he wrote back though, miyuki couldn’t help but feel irked. “i don’t know” sawamura had scribbled on his forearm, quickly followed by a “i need some more time to think…”.

“whatever you’ll decide, i’ll be here to catch for you if you come to seido.” miyuki’s answer was instant, the smile that played upon his visage not once disappearing. he missed this. he missed talking to the youth, spending his time writing and drawing on his body, having his soul mate’s writing tattooed on his, even if only for a few moments. happiness washed over him like it hadn’t in a long while, and finally, after so many years, he felt at ease. 

that night he slept like a child, worries forgotten, grief dug in the depth of his heart. the days that came seemed brighter, warmer even (though he’d blame the season for it, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew there was more to that), he’d smile more often. there’d be days when he’d wake up with a mustache drawn above his upper lip. his team-mates would laugh at him, some even tried erasing it for him, but it slowly dawned upon them all: that was miyuki’s soul mate. out of all, kuramochi was the most taken aback as he realised it first; miyuki kazuya is actually having fun with the one who was his soul mate.

miyuki used to live in a world enveloped in silence until sawamura eijun had appeared in front of him, until he re-entered miyuki’s life. now his life was filled with laughter and splatters of colour upon the empty canvas that his skin was, and the distance that separated them no longer mattered. even if sawamura decided to stay in nagano, they’d work a way to meet again. 

sawamura, however, was 10 steps ahead of miyuki. he had the upper hand as he got to decide his future. his decision was a surprise to miyuki, a pleasant one at least. the moment they’d met again on the field when they were both running late to practice was the day miyuki kazuya knew; he knew he’d get to spend the rest of his days alongside his other half. 

[askcosplayaphcanada-archived]

85 Questions For Munday! (Below the cut)

I NEVER GET TAGGED IN THESE OMG BUT @ask-mr-biscuit TAGGED ME And I might have made an inhuman noise ok let’s go!  

And I dunno, they also tagged most of the poeple I would have tagged too, so.....SIS GET OVER HERE @asknyotaliacanada,....and @askaphgreatbritain, and... @ask--aph--feliciano

The last…

Drink: Tap water

Phone Call: My mother.

Text Message: My friend @queensolaria Song You Listened To: Um... La Llorona? (Because of Hetalia MMDs)

Cried: Yesterday, actually. Came very close today.

Dated Someone Twice: No, I’ve never gotten back together with an ex, though I am still good friends with some of them.

Kissed Someone and Regretted It: Yes. I feel bad because it was a summer camp fling, and we started ‘dating’, and I was his first kiss, but we failed to stay in touch after that week. ;~; Poor guy....I hope he doesn’t hate me now. Been Cheated On: I hope not... Lost Someone Special: Yes. Been Depressed: Yes.

Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: I’ve actually never been drunk- however, I do drink a little bit.

In the last year, have you…

Made New Friends: Yeah. ^u^

Fallen Out of Love: ...sorta yes, sorta no. I’m single, at any rate.

Laughed Until You Cried: Pretty sure I’ve done that withen the last week.

Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: My Dad talks about me all the time tbh.

Met Someone Who Changed You: Hrmm...now that I don’t know.

Found Out Who Your Real Friends Were: I know who they are already, so..

Kissed Someone On Your Facebook List: Yes, considering two of them are my ex’s, xP

General

How Many Facebook Friends Do You Know in Real Life:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do You Have Any Pets: I have my cat, Tyson. You’ll see in gifs from time to time, because he’s an adorable git. 

Do You Want to Change Your Name: Yes and no. I don’t feel like my name suits me, but I was named after my great grandmother and I dunno, it’d feel wrong to officially get rid of it. But I do like being called by my online handle, Jehdyn. If I DID ever get it changed, I’d spell it like Jaden. 

What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: It fell on the same day as a cosplay meet up this year, so I was out being Matthew Williams.

What Time Did You Wake Up: I have no idea. Probably around noon, I don’t know. 

What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night: Reading bad fanfiction I think.

Name Something You Can’t Wait For: Me to get my life together. :)

When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mom: Hrmm...I think last week, though we spoke on the phone today.

What Are You Listening to Right Now: Well I have this video going on in another tab xD

Have You Ever Talked to a Person Named Tom: I don’t think so? At least, I can’t remember at the moment. 

Something That is Getting On Your Nerves: People.

Most Visited Website: Youtube, Tumblr, Facebook, and Ebay. :/

Hair Color: A really weird shade of dyed brown. Was blue until a few weeks ago until I had to attempt to dye it back natural to renew my driver’s license. It’s naturally a dark chocolate brown though. 

Long or Short: Long or short what? 

Do You Have A Crush on Anyone: I...don’t know. Like...I’m demi-pan, so like...sure there’s people who I find to be attractive, but they’d have to find me attractive too and start flirting with me I guess for me to really develop any ‘crush’ emotions. And even then, it’s sort of up in the air? 

What Do You Like About Yourself: Nothing. :)  Well, I can’t make some people smile somehow, so I like that I guess.

Piercings: My ears are pierced, but I rarely wear earrings. 

Blood Type: I have no idea, wish I could find out, but I don’t like needles.

Nickname: Jehdyn and Canada, xD. Though a few people still call me Kura.

Relationship Status: Single and afraid. ;w;

Zodiac: Cancer. It’s actually scary how accurate some of those astrology memes are (and hilariously inaccurate.) 

Pronouns:  I am She/Her, though I absolutely don’t mind being called He/Him either. I consider ambiguity a compliment. 

Favorite TV Show: Honestly I don’t watch that much TV...

Tattoos: Probably never. Again, I don’t like needles. If I ever did though, it’d probably be somthing painfully Canadian, like the leaf or something. Don’t know where though.

Right or Left Handed: Right

Surgery: Nope.

Sport: Well...I used to play a little bit of Basketball back in school, but I’m terrible at it. My favourite sport to watch though is Ice Hockey (though I never get to watch it). And the sport(?) I actually do enjoy playing is badminton, though I haven’t played that in years.

Vacation: I can’t really afford much right now, but currently, I really want to go camping.

Pair of Tennis Shoes: What about them?

More General

Eating: (favourite food?) Um...pizza....fried chicken...my Mom’s lasagna. 

Drinking: Tap water still.

I’m About To: Find another Hetalia mmd on youtube to watch.

Waiting For: Information on Hetalia Day 2017. Seriously, I kind of want to go to one this year but there’s no information ANYWHERE. ;~;  Everything I find is for last year? Do people not start planning for it til the month of?

Want: To win the lottery, even though I don’t play it. 

Get Married: Maybe someday, if I can find a person who won’t get tired of me and become enamoured with them.

Career: Heck. I don’t know. 

Hugs or Kisses: I’m better at giving hugs. I like hugs. I’ve been told I give good hugs, but I worry about giving hugs though because I don’t really want to let go most times, I just really like hugs. But I don’t dislike kisses either! I’m just...still a novice at those...>///<

Lips or Eyes: Um...I guess eyes? Some people’s eyes are just so pretty, it’s unfair. 

Shorter or Taller: Um...like preference in a partner? I’ve discovered to me it doesn’t matter if I truly like them- but I do have to really like them. 

Older or Younger: Assuming this is also a preference, um...I don’t think it really matters to me as long as they’re decently close to my age. Like I’d never date a minor, hell no, but I don’t think I could ever date someone 10 years older then me either, I find that prospect equally unsettling. 

Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: This depends, what definition of ‘nice’ are we using here? 

Hookup or Relationship: Uh...Relationship. Like I dunno, I probably could hookup with someone and date them with no sexual stuff? But they’d have to understand I wouldn’t have romantic feelings for them, at least at first. They could develop once I get to know them better, but then again, they might not- and I refuse to get serious with anyone I can’t truly feel for, because while dating might be fun, a person deserves to be loved better than that.

Troublemaker or Hesitant: I’m a hesitant person, though I wish I was a troublemaker sometimes.

Kissed A Stranger: No, but I’ve been kissed by a stranger (not on the lips though).

Drank Hard Liquor: Hrm, attempting to and failing. I prefer sweet tasting drinks.

Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: Oh man I HATE misplacing my glasses. However I’ve always been able to find them. I’ve not yet lost any of my contact lenses.

Turned Someone Down: Yes. A few times, for various reasons. 

Sex On First Date: Highly doubtful.

Broken Someone’s Heart: ....yeah...it wasn’t pretty, but it had to be done.

Had Your Heart Broken: Yes. I believed I was flying over the atmosphere and that we could take on the world together, and then suddenly I was dropped, falling down and burning, and I landed in an ocean, unable to make sense of which way was up, which way was down. The healing process was like trying to find some way to stay afloat among the waves and not get dragged back under when you looked up and saw them still flying without you. And then, you find land, and you’re able to stand on your own two feet again. And all you can do is just keep walking. Been Arrested: Nope. Been pulled over twice though.

Cried When Someone Died: Yes.

Fallen For A Friend: Eh, sorta.

Do you believe in…

Yourself: Ha, no.

Miracles: I wish.

Love At First Sight: I believe it’s possible, just not possible for everyone.

Santa Clause: I believe in Finland.

Kiss on the First Date: It depends on how well it goes and how comfortable I am I suppose. I don’t believe that it should be required or expected, no. 

Angels: In a manner of speaking. 

Other…

Current Best Friends’ Name(s): @queensolaria is my best friend since high school, and I don’t think any of my other in-person friends have tumblrs xP. Of course there’s other tumblr users I consider friends too though but like

Eye Color:  My eyes are such a dark brown that they look black. Kinda boring. I’m not a fan of them.

Favorite Movie:....Princess Bride, probably. Shut up. 

[crapcrepe]

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag! Thank you @moonlitlarrie and @adidasmodel for tagging me! Love you!  LAST [1] drink: coffee  [2] phone call: my dad  [3] text message: my sister  [4] song you listened to: Sober II by Lorde  [5] time you cried: umm maybe last week? [6] dated someone twice: noo  [7] been cheated on: no thank god [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no  [9] lost someone special: yes :( [10] been depressed: yes, last year was a rough one [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no, I don’t drink LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] pastel purple  [13] black  [14] baby pink  IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: oh yes I’ve made some amazing friends (wow thanks uni)  [16] fallen out of love: naaah  [17] laughed until you cried: heck yeah   [18] found out someone was talking about you: nope, I’m pretty boring so there’s not much to talk about me  [19] met someone who changed you: yes I have  [20] found out who your true friends are: yes, it was hard   [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: no, get facebook as far away from me as possible  [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: 97% yikes  [23] do you have any pets: aww yes I have a dog, he is HUGE and A GOOD BOY [24] do you want to change your name: I wanted to for a long time because it means ass in English rip me  [25] what did you do for your last birthday: I went out for dinner with friends and then went to hang out with my ex-classmates, then came home and cried. Yes, I’m a VERY fun person lmao  [26] what time did you wake up: around 9am [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: I was on this hellsite   [28] name something you cannot wait for: Sziget festival wohoo  [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: a few minutes ago   [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: the way I’m living it   [31] what are you listening to right now: Supercut by Lorde   [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ye, it was my crush and f*ck him  [33] something that is getting on your nerves: people not respecting other people’s opinions [34] most visited website: defo this hellsite  [35] elementary: don’t really remember it tbh but I was constantly playing footie with the boys  [36] high school: I loved it, my classmates are like my brothers and sisters   [37] college: currently attending and I have a love-hate relationship with it [38] hair colour: blonde but it’s dark blonde and it’s kinda ombre-ish idk it’s weird  [39] long or short hair: long af  [40] do you have a crush on someone: no thank lawd [41] what do you like about yourself?: my eyeeees   [42] piercings: ears but I don’t wear earrings  [43] blood type: I literally have no idea (is that bad???)  [44] nickname: faneh, bözsi, fanyek   [45] relationship status: single (and I love it) [46] zodiac sign: aquarius  [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fav tv show(s): breaking bad, brooklyn99, oitnb, sherlock, hannibal, my mad fat diary and skam but I haven’t seen the last season  [49] tattoos: no but I wanna  [50] right or left handed: right FIRST… [51] surgery: I had my tonsils removed [52] piercing: I was a tiny when I had my ears pierced [53] best friend: I don’t really believe in “bests” I love all of my friends and I love them for different reasons so I can’t choose (am I making sense??) [54] sport: I did majorette and I loved it so much  [55] vacation: Italy  [56] pair of trainers: mom was dressing me in converses since day 1 and I think my first one were baby blue   [57] eating: I have no idea    [58] drinking: beer  [59] i’m about to: pack my suitcase because I’m leaving for my vacation tomorrow [60] listening: nothing  [61] waiting for: the day my country legalises same sex marriage  [62] want: to eat?? I’m always up for eating [63] get married: yes but like I’m mega weird so kudos to my future husband  [64] career: I’m studying to be a teacher so hopefully that  YOUR TYPE… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs. big ones. long ones.   [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: yo I don’t care about height (I’m a smol) [68] older or younger:  2-4 years older  [69] romantic or spontaneous: romantic I guess [70] nice arms or nice stomach: you don’t have to have anything nice on your body for me to consider you my type so lemme skip this question  [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive?? [72] hook up or relationship: relationship I’m like an 81yo grandma [73] troublemaker or hesitant: idek???? HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger?: no and I’d never ever do that  [75] drank hard liquor?: no, I don’t drink (not the Harry Styles I don’t drink™, I legit don’t drink)  [76] lost glasses/contact lenses?: I always lose my glasses in the house because I forget where I put them and I always take out my contact lenses before searching for them so I always end up looking for my glasses for an hour [77] turned someone down?: yes but it was by accident RIP ME WHO AM I   [78] sex on first date?: no thank you  [79] broken someone’s heart?: I mean I hope not??  [80] had your own heart broken?: a little  [81] been arrested? no lmao who do you think I am I barely go outside [82] cried when someone died? yes :(  [83] fallen for a friend: no 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself?: I really should but like I’m lame and I don’t  [85] miracles?: yess [86] love at first sight?: no? yes? kinda?  [87] santa claus? no sorry nfjfkr  [88] kiss on the first date?: if it feels right yes  [89] angels?: I like to think that the people I’ve lost are beautiful angels so yes   [90] current best friend’s name: *insert all of my friends’ names here*  [91] eye colour: do I believe in eye colours??? heck yyeah they exist njfnrkfl  [92] favourite movies: anything by Xavier Dolan, Bighero6 and Love Rosie   I tag: (You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to fnrjfnr) @delicatelou@lionheartlouist @victoryjacket @larryownthisass @louislittlefeetsies

[jinandtonics-archive]

A “SHOULD WE KNOW US A LITTLE BETTER” TAG 🌸

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (thats a whole lot sgakfhkahui)

Tagged by @nochucametru (thank u my lad)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Dr. Pepper

2. Phone call: with my sister

3. Text message: FB messaged my comedy friends

4. Song you listened to: Paris - The Chainsmokers (I got a playlist on no judgement)

5. Time you cried: like two hours ago? I’m on and weepy

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: no

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yeah

8. Been cheated on: no

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: whatmakesyouhaha.mp3

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: HA yeah a lot. Once I threw up on myself and a friend helped me wash the vomit out of my hair and we still ended up making out omg

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: blue, purple, pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yeah! I have some real good pals now

16. Fallen out of love: Na

17. Laughed until you cried: like on a daily basis

18. Found out someone was talking about you: OOO yeah. There was some beef.

19. Met someone who changed you: yeah obv

20. Found out who your friends are: Yeah

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: a couple yeah aha

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: like 90%. The others are internet buds.

23. Do you have any pets: yes! A bun named Herbert.

24. Do you want to change your name: Already changed surname. First name is ok, but I’m named after my dad which bugs me a lot.

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: my mum, grandma, and cousin came to the city I was living in to visit me and then Lor and I scraped brownies out of the tin and watched Yuri on Ice crack videos in the evening.

26. What time did you wake up: 8:30 because mum came in to tell me we were going to the doctors??

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: reading fanfic oops

28. Name something you can’t wait for: *Jin voice* money.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like five minutes ago?

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Mental stability, being thin, and having money.

31. What are you listening right now: 400 Lux - Lorde

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: there’s two in my old friendship group and it’s very confusing.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: today, my mum. Also getting nagged about not having a job.

34. Most visited Website: Tumblr. Maybe FB because I use messenger a lot.

35. Mole/s: One under my arm.

36. Mark/s: erm I have freckles and I have quite a few scars

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a singer, dancer, and an actress.  Like J-Lo was my go to example.

38. Hair color: blonde

39. Long or short hair: it’s just past my shoulders right now. It was down to my waist before.

40. Do you have a crush on someone: no

41. What do you like about yourself: I can make people laugh. I’m able to keep going even when things are shitty.

42. Piercings: earlobes, nose. I want my helix done though.

43. Bloodtype: literally no idea

44. Nickname: Steph. Neffles. Na.

45. Relationship status: very single

46. Zodiac: Sagittarius (I just found out and I’m heartbroken)

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: Parks and Recreation, Brooklyn 99, and My Mad Fat Diary

49. Tattoos: none

50. Right or left hand: left handed

51. Surgery: nope

52. Piercings: been there lad

53. Sports: I played lacrosse for a year in the states which was fun. But I didn’t like the team at my home uni :( 

55. Vacation: I just got back from Berlin

56. Pair of trainers: blue nikes which I love

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: We had burgers for lunch

58. Drinking: Dr. Pepper

59. I’m about to: Maybe edit? Gotta call the doctors. Maybe apply for jobs.

61. Waiting for: everything to just fall into place without me having me to put any work in at all

62. Want: *jin voice* money  

63. Get married: my family has accepted it’s unlikely I’ll get married, so we’ve agreed that my graduation is like my wedding day so they’re all wearing hats.

64. Career: Ideally, I want to write comedy for TV and online. Realistically, I’ll probably end up working for a business magazine :( 

WHICH IS BETTER?:

65. Hugs or kisses: both

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: either

68. Older or younger: don’t mind

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: STOMACH

71. Sensitive or loud: u can be loud and sensitive (says me: the loudest and the most sensitive)

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: ???

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: yes

75. Drank hard liquor: lol yes (you can tell this was written by a younger person omg)

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: not permanently. 

77. Turned someone down: yes

78. Sex in the first date: nope

79. Broken someones heart: apparently?? But he was a prick so

80. Had your heart broken: not in the classic sense, no

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: yeah of course

83. Fallen for a friend: lol constantly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: I believe I exist, yes

85. Miracles: no 

86. Love at first sight: ehhh?? 

87. Santa Claus: no

88. Kiss on the first date: depends

89. Angels: no

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: Lor, Tiggy.

91. Eyecolor: blue/green

92. Favorite movie: Juno and Mulan. I don’t really watch movies tbh.

This was fucking long so there’s no obligation to do it! Tagging: @williamteaspears, @bemybackpack (bc you’ll get grumpy), @cinnamonsugas

I don’t have 20 mutuals to tag and I’m shy so shhhhh

[averageatbest]

ALL 20 PLEASE :)

aww thanks pal :)

1. meaning behind my url: i used to have this old best friend who i was really close with, and every time we’d asked her dad somethin like “how are you doing” “how was work” or “how do i look” he’d always answer with “average at best” and i just loved that guy he was so funny i miss him

2. a picture of me: tbh im a dummy and i can’t figure out how to insert a pic of me in here so i’ll post one later (or just go under tagged “me” i think there are some old pics of me)

3. tattoos i have: none but i want a lil simple one like the outline of a flower or somethin like that

4. last time i cried & why: two days ago bc of a bad dream 

5. piercings i have: I just got my ears pierced a week ago!!!! it’s my first piercing and i know it’s so simple it’s just my lobes but im so happy i finally did it and i love them 

6. favorite band: hands down phoenix i’ve loved them since 7th grade, i might be seeing them in a couple months and im so excited. i literally have a dog named after them. pls check them out

7. biggest turn off: probably either if the person is rude or if they have like bad dental hygiene?? idk i used to date this guy who never brushed his teeth and he was rude and i basically hated him

8. top 5 (subject): u didnt give me a subject so i’ll just do my top 5 fav things in general :)

my first fav thing is def Quinn ily i know u wont see this bc i’ve had u blocked on tumblr since 8th grade out of embarrassment but luv u ur my fav thing

 my dog phoenix she’s the best dog ever

my friends: i have the best friends in the world and i couldnt ask for anything better!!

music!! for obvious reasons music is just the shit u know

writing: i havent done it in so long but i’m starting up again and i love it!!

9. tattoos i want: lil flower thing i mentioned earlier

10. biggest turn ons: sense of humor!!! being gentle!!! pretty eyes!!!! payin attention to me & being nice!!!

11. age: 16 turnin 17 real soon

12. ideas of a perf date: goin somewhere cool like a park or a lil cafe or a museum and taking cute pictures of each other and holding hands and telling stories to each other about our pasts or fun times we’ve had together 

13. life goals: go to college in nyc, write music or a book or star in a movie or write and direct one, to tell my story somehow and make a difference in peoples lives, be successful and happy 

14: piercings i want: kinda want my belly button pierced but first i’d want a flat stomach so i just have to lose a few pounds real quick

15. relationship status: i’m that really annoying girl who won’t shut up about her boyfriend!!!!!!

16. fav movie: ok usually i’d say something like my babysitter’s a vampire (truly a MASTERPIECE) or chicken little but more realistically i’d say baby driver bc i saw that last month and that shit MOVED me it was just a great film and i could talk for hours about all the great shit in that movie but i’ll move on now

17. a fact about my life: this is kinda sad but i just love to travel lol i’ve been to nyc 5 times and i’ve been to hilton head 15 times in my 16 years of life, that’s not a rlly interesting fact but i think it’s pretty impressive tbh

18. phobia: heights, planes, all the basic stuff but i also FREAK OUT sometimes when certain ppl touch me?? i think that’s like an abuse thing but idk it counts as a phobia kinda i guess??

19. middle name: I LOVE MY MIDDLE NAME so much it’s Jane after my beautiful grandmother who i miss so much and i just luv it bc it reminds me of her and it’s so classy and cute i just 

20. anything u want 2 ask: please ask me more stuff i love doing things like this!!!!