#makes me insane that the actors are so close in age

[autumnrory]

yes i did rate the handmaid's tale graphic novel higher than the handmaid's tale on goodreads

[novy2sirius]

MOON HOUSE CORE © novy2sirius

trigger warning: suicide, violence, eating, hypochondria, trauma, mental health issues ♡

this is just a random post abt things ppl with these placements could experience ♡

these r only abt isolated placements so take it with a grain of salt bc the whole chart matters ♡

a lot of these r experiences i’ve heard from my friends and ppl who’ve purchased readings from me directly ♡

moon in 1h core

not being able to hide ur emotions bc they’re literally evident on ur face, youthful beauty, constantly changing ur outlook on life depending on how u feel at the time, getting told u look young for ur age, getting mad bc boys/girls call u cute instead of hot, mothering everyone, likes to be pampered and babied, throws child-like fits if lower vibrational, being a lot like ur mom even tho sometimes u don’t wanna admit it, even if ur a boy having emotional responses like a teenage girl, growing up with parents that had anger issues so now u have anger issues, being asked if ur sad all the time by ppl when ur not even sad it’s just ur resting face, having a comforting aura, ur mood instantly being ruined the moment anything makes u insecure at all, looking good in light blue and white outfits

moon in 2h core

having a cute voice, wanting to spend all ur money bc u had a bad day and r emotional, eating bc u’re emotional af, ur comfort place being a restaurant/fast food spot, having a wife who brings lots of stability to ur life, having a good singing voice, feeling emotionally connected to inanimate objects such as ur stuffed animal, not feeling happy around ppl who bring instability to ur life, spending all ur money on things related to music/food, love language is gift giving and physical touch, not feeling loved by ur partner when they don’t hug u every second, feeling more comfortable around ppl who share the same values as u, only having a good work ethic when ur happy, caring abt ppl more when they spoil u with gifts

moon in 3h core

being extremely charming and able to persuade others easily, having a rly soft voice and being told u sound like a child, being scared to do anything when ur sibling/a companion doesn’t come with u, feeling more emotionally connected to ppl u share similar opinions/interests with, being more talkative around ppl when ur comfortable and quiet around random ppl, posting emo stuff on social media when u were in middle school, having a lot of the same interests as ur mom, being close with ur neighbors growing up and riding bikes with them around the neighborhood and selling lemonade on the side of the road, being obsessed with romance books

moon in 4h core

playing house a lot as a kid, either being rly close with ur mom or having extreme mommy issues, being obsessed with self care related things and not being able to go to sleep without doing ur skin care routine, being emotional just by existing, coming off as emotional even when ur not emotional, feeling deep emotion for ppl and feeling attached to them and then realizing that they don’t feel the same way bc u’ve literally only talked for a week and u just have a problem with getting attached to ppl easily, feeling most comfortable with people that make u feel feminine, being a talented nurse or realtor, having a very nurturing aura

moon in 5h core

having a lot of hobbies that don’t involve leaving ur house, being hot, ppl always telling u that u have celebrity/star vibes, having a bunch of creative ideas but being afraid to share them bc ur shy, being insanely dramatic and then later regretting it heavily, being a good actor, contemplating killing urself every time u got grounded as a kid bc ur dramatic, feeling happiest when ur by the ocean or water, being a hopeless romantic, falling in love w cancer placements but wishing u didn’t, loving mango/citrus flavored foods/drinks, being scared of violent video games and wanting to play sims or minecraft instead, being rly good with kids/kids naturally loving u, growing up with egotistical parents, rewatching the same films/shows over and over bc they bring u comfort

moon in 6h core

being able to tell how someone rly feels even when they try and hide it bc u can analyze ppl rly well, loves animals and feels better when they have an emotional support pet, love language is acts of service and gift giving, having rly bad anxiety any time u leave the house (and in general) these ppl r huge homebodies, being a hypochondriac and thinking ur gonna die every time u have a single bad physical health symptom and googling ur symptoms then becoming even more worried bc google says ur abt to have a heart attack, chronic overthinker

moon in 7h core

being rly charming and having a lot of secret admirers, being scared to come outside ur comfort zone without a companion/partner with u, being fruity af, making ur friends/lovers order food for u bc ur too shy to, wanting harmony/peace and hating when someone argues with u or tries to start conflict with u but unfortunately still managing to attract lots of enemies even when u try to avoid drama, being able to negotiate with others easily, trying to be nice to ppl and killing them with kindness and u still end up getting hurt, being attractive to society but insecure abt ur looks, feeling sad if u don’t look pretty at all times, moving to live near ur bf/gf bc ur too attached to be in a long distance relationship, hates hookup culture

moon in 8h core

being sexualized a lot, ppl randomly confiding in u abt their traumas when u didn’t even bring anything abt it up, not being able to hookup bc you’ll get too attached, having a lot of family trauma that has now affected u emotionally and made u rly defensive any time someone talks to u in a slightly off tone, being a witch, doing love spells on ur crush so they’ll like u, having dark humor, feeling like u wanna die on ur period and going insane and acting like another person and then when u go off it realizing how dramatic u were, getting a boob job, being sent d*ck/p*ssy pics a lot without even asking for them, getting inheritance from ur family, getting surgery when u were young, spiritually transforming the most when ur alone

moon in 9h core

wanting to leave ur home country and never come back, trying to run away as a kid and packing a bag then coming back bc ur scared after only getting half way down ur street, adapting to ur surroundings quickly and easily being influenced by others, having a closer connection with ur grandparents than ur actual parents, having good ethics and not vibing with ppl around u who don’t, having ur first romantic relationship in college, feeling more comfortable around cultures outside of ur own or feeling more emotionally connected to cultures outside of ur own, cutting out ppl quickly when they’re negative and when they don’t support ur plans in life, having a thing for athletic boys/girls

moon in 10h core

having a star-like quality, finding comfort in being a workhorse and working all the time and using it as a way to distract urself from all ur problems in life, feeling like life is meaningless if ur not constantly going out and doing things, trying to keep things private but they end up getting out anyway, having a reputation of being a softie, feeling closer to ur dad than ur mom or having extreme daddy issues no in between, leaving behind a legacy that inspires others and touches them emotionally, being talented in careers that r an emotional outlet for u

moon in 11h core

having a very friendly aura and being able to socialize well but still sometimes having a low social battery at the same time, having a lot of influence on others and attracting a lot of ppl that r fans of u, being easily influenced and sometimes easily manipulated, having a lot of mood swings, being emotionally unpredictable, fearing being alone/dying alone and ppl abandoning u, being able to social network rly well, being closer to a step/half parent than a biological parent, throwing the best house parties, forming closer emotional connections online than in real life, being closer to ur online friends than in person friends, having a deep desire for someone to just care abt u and give u attention

moon in 12h core

having a lot of dreams that weirdly predict things almost perfectly, being obsessed with the feeling of nostalgia but also hating it at the same time, having an ethereal beauty, using astrology as a way to get an explanation for ur trauma so u can feel more validated, falling into a deep depression every time u run out of shows to watch, imagining fake scenarios in ur head abt rly bad things happening and crying over it when ur bored, looking like a mermaid/man, dwelling on the past a lot, being able to mask rly well and pretend ur someone ur not and doing it sm to fit in that u don’t even know who u r anymore, struggling with mental health issues ever since u were a child and feeling like u were sad even as a kid but not knowing why, hearing ppl talk randomly when ur abt to fall asleep but no one’s there, having a lot of hidden enemies that u may have had a close emotional connection with before that end up stabbing u in the back, feeling alone even when ur not alone

comment if u want more of these 🗣️

[josephandrewstarkey]

hiii! could you do drew starky x reader with an age gappp. and maybe reader is also famous for like singing or something so their highkey the IT couple.

tysm for your request anon, i hope you like it! xx

in the backseat

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, fingering, backseat, kind of public

words: 845

❧ drew starkey x singer!reader

Y/N was only 21, but she was already one of the biggest names in music. Everyone knew her songs—she was the kind of artist who could make you feel something with just a few lyrics. She wrote every one of them herself, and that’s why people loved her. Her music was raw, real, and so full of emotion that it left fans obsessed.

Drew, on the other hand, was 30, an established actor known for his role on Outer Banks. When they first started dating, people couldn’t stop talking about the age gap. Some fans loved them together, saying they were the perfect couple, while others weren’t so sure. But they didn’t care.

They first met after one of her concerts. Y/N had seen on Drew’s Instagram story that he was going to her show, which completely blew her mind. He was a huge celebrity himself, and yet, here he was, a fan of her music. So, she invited him backstage. When he showed up, they ended up talking for hours—about music, acting, life, everything. The connection was instant. That night, he offered to take her home, and she said yes. From that moment, they were inseparable.

A few months later, they were the couple everyone was talking about. They were on magazine covers, all over social media, and no matter the controversy, it was clear that they were in love. Drew adored her, and Y/N couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

Tonight was huge. Y/N was performing at one of the biggest stadiums in the U.S., and, of course, Drew was there to support her. The crowd was insane, but when Y/N spotted Drew in the audience, it felt like everything stopped. He was smiling up at her, and for a second, it was just the two of them.

The concert was a blast. Y/N was at her best, hitting every note, dancing across the stage, and the crowd loved every second of it. She could feel the energy, the love from her fans, and especially from Drew, who never took his eyes off her.

❥

In the dimly lit backseat of their SUV, the world outside felt distant. Y/N leaned back into Drew’s chest, the quiet hum of the car’s engine adding to the tension in the air. They’d been on the road for a while, their driver focused on the winding streets, giving them a sense of privacy. Drew’s arm wrapped around her waist, his lips brushing against her neck in soft, teasing kisses.

“You’re driving me crazy, you know that?” he murmured against her skin, his voice low and gravelly, sending a shiver down her spine. Y/N’s breath hitched as his hand drifted lower, fingers grazing the soft fabric of her dress, teasing her inner thigh.

She let out a quiet gasp as his fingers slid beneath the hem of her dress, moving dangerously close to her center. “Drew,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, thick with anticipation.

He chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to her ear. “You can be quiet, can’t you, baby?” His fingers finally made contact with her, slipping under her panties, and she bit her lip to stifle the moan that threatened to escape. The feeling of his fingers against her slick heat sent a wave of pleasure crashing over her, her body responding instantly to his touch.

He moved slowly at first, drawing out her anticipation, enjoying the way her body trembled against him. “So wet for me already,” Drew whispered, his lips tracing the curve of her jaw. His fingers moved deeper, finding that sweet spot inside her, and Y/N had to bite down on her hand to keep from crying out.

Her free hand gripped his thigh tightly, nails digging into the fabric of his jeans as her body arched towards his touch. Drew’s pace quickened, the pressure of his fingers intensifying as he worked her closer and closer to the edge. He knew exactly what she needed, exactly how to touch her to drive her wild.

Her breath came in short, shallow gasps, her body trembling with the effort to stay quiet. “Drew, I’m close…” she managed to whisper, her voice barely holding steady.

His lips curled into a smirk against her skin. “Then come for me, baby. I’ve got you.” His thumb brushed over her sensitive clit in perfect rhythm, and that was all it took.

Y/N’s body tensed as waves of pleasure crashed through her, her mind going blank as she rode out the high. Drew held her close, his fingers never faltering as he helped her ride through the intensity of her orgasm.

When she finally came down, breathless and flushed, Drew pulled his hand away, wrapping his arm around her waist once again, holding her close. He kissed her temple softly, whispering in her ear.

“You did so good, baby.”

She leaned into him, her body still trembling, and let out a soft, satisfied sigh. The world outside seemed far away, and in that moment, it was just the two of them, lost in their own little bubble of pleasure.

[lady-ashfade]

Blood And Pressure

Part three

Yandere!Pjo × Fem!Grisha!reader. (Platonic Yandere gods) (romantic!various characters)

-♡ Chapters: Previous // Next

-♡ characters: Percy Jackson, Luke Castellan, Clarisse La Rue, Annabeth Chase, Grover Underwood

-♡ this is a shadow & bone slight crossover. Reader is a heartrender and that's all really (maybe more in the future!)

-♡ Please note that all characters are aged appropriately, so all characters are older versions of the book characters. So 17-19 characters for these, you can choose any of them really. Just that they are older teens. (Except for Clarisse and Luke at pjo show actors)

-♡ warnings: short, yandere behaviors, obsession, stalking, slightly sick love, possessive, manipulative, gaslighting, platonic yandere too, blood powers, powerful powers but not godly, and future warnings when more chapters come out. (Luke will be back don’t worry)

“Well,” you sigh and look at Percy with sadness but tried to not show it. In this short time you had someone who dispute just meeting you, gave you something you wanted for as long as you have been here. A friend.

“You’ll be great here. Luke will take care of you.” Percy gripped the straps of his backpack at his name on your lips.

“Yeah, he seems nice..” he looked past your shoulder at the boy that must have been a year older then him. But he was much larger then he was..more muscular and a few inches taller.

“It’s hard to be in a new place, trust me I know that.” You paused for a second and he could see you running over your thoughts. Before he could piece together anything you wrapped your arms around him and embraced him.

He was stunned in place as his chest become breathless at being close to you. This was his chance, so he wrapped his arms around you and smiled at how your hair smelled sweet.

“Thank you Percy,” you whispered while still holding so tightly onto him. You cared little about anything else.

“For what?”

“Giving me a friend for as long as I can.” You pulled back from him and stepped away with a embarrassed expression. Before percy could reply, Chiron called your name and you gave him one last look and walked away.

You walked out the cabin beside the centaur with your legs practically dragging.

You felt sick to your stomach while thinking of being back in the house and being stuck there again with no one your age to hang out with. You stared at the ground while waking and you could feel Chirons gaze on you but you didn’t bother looking up.

Deep down you knew you weren’t supposed to be here. It didn’t make sense to you but you blacked out everything before this “camp” and only pieces came back to you. You remember someone training you…you remembered your powers and how to use them. And, you remember the book you had- the only thing of your old life. But not what you are.

“It’s just a silly little story,” you overheard the first night in the big house. “Just let her keep it.” Chiron convinced the god.

Now you got a taste of freedom you didn’t want to go back. You wanted to be with people your own age, you wanted friends. You think i’d go insane to spend another week trapped in that place.

“So,” a new voice creeped up in your ears. You both come to a stop and you find yourself looking up. A new girl. She was beautiful but her harsh glare and muscles set a shiver down your spine. Her eyes looked you up and down causing you to shift uncomfortably.

“She’s finally out of her cage.” Her teeth poked out from her smile and for some reason it reminded you of a shark or a lion…like she hunted pray for fun, and you were her next kill.

“Clarisse, lovely to see you.” The man smiled softly but his voice sounded different like a warning of some sort. “We are just going back, is there anything you need?” You throat goes dry when she starts to step closer to you.

“What is she? No one at camp knows but you guys seem to,” you play with your fingers under her almost threatening gaze. You remember one glare like that…Ares had one.

Not that you ever met him really but there was a dream. You were in a place with thrones around you and people sat amongst them and screamed at each other. Not much did you catch or remember of what was said, almost like you were meant to. But the subject did revolve around you.

“Tell me, what are you?” That’s when things clicked in your mind. Someone had asked that before.

“That’s enough. Go back to your cabin—”

“I’m a heartrender.”

The pair stare at you before moving their wide eyes up. You feel your blood pump faster and a growing confidence and remember who you were. Slowly coming down from high you felt, you notice their gaze wasn’t on you anymore but just above you.

“What?” You asked before taking a glance above you and see something shining bright above you. Stepping back you found yourself confused…no god was your parent, you weren’t a half blood. So why was one claiming you…

Thunder could be heard and rumbled underneath your feet. This couldn’t be right.

“That’s impossible..”

A peacock feather hung above your head in all its glory.

Taglist @maria699669 @gorgeourrific-nerd @alliriseabove @targaryenluvs @theaaeht @dabalyuteeeftia @weepingwitchofthewest @iris1587 @tulipmagnoliaisme @ameliashideout @purplerose291 @poppyflower-22 @riaaavm

[keepthedelta]

Can I ask why you like Fernando? Is it the chaos?

you can't deny that the chaos is entertaining lol. some of it is that 2006 was the first year of f1 that i watched live, and fernando was both the reigning world champion and that year's champion, and it was through watching him that i really fell in love with the sport (i had watched some of the older seasons but there's something different about watching it live imo). i also met him that year and he was very nice to me so i can't deny that's a part of it. but mostly i find him fascinating.

fernando is such a contradiction. he is incredibly open about the fact that he is actually incredibly private. for as long as he's raced, he's been open about the fact that who he is on the track and in front of the camera, camp and evil and scheming etc., is not who he is in private. and everyone who's close to him, pedro de la rosa, carlos sainz (both of them), mark webber, they all say that outside of f1 fernando is completely different to the personality you see on track. he's quiet and a bit shy, nothing like the shakespearean villain he is for the cameras.

he keeps his two lives incredibly separate. his family rarely come to races (although that might be because he's superstitious and has said that they brought him bad luck) but he's incredibly close to them outside of work. for all the bridges he's burned and relationships he's damaged in his professional life, he's able to maintain good relationships in his personal life. some of his friends from when he was a child are still close friends with him now. he's on good terms with most of his exes, even his ex-wife (and he actually dates women his own age which is nice).

there's a clip of him from the last season of dts, where he says that in racing, in f1, there are good guys and bad guys, and he is on the dark side, and i think that's one of the things that makes fernando so interesting. he understands the genre. one of the fundamental facets of the theatre and acting in general is the suspension of belief. when you go to see a play or a musical or a film you accept the terms of that universe. in the theatre it's fine that people break into song to express themselves, even though it would be insane to do that in real life. you accept that those four people moving a puppet are a lion or a tiger or a dragon. that wicker basket that was a wardrobe? it's a carriage now, or a seat on a train. and you accept it because that's part of the genre.

fernando alonso is a piece of theatre and fernando is character, actor and director all at once. he understands that it is a performance, and that if you perform well enough, if you are engaging enough, funny enough, talented enough, you don't have to be the hero. you can be ruthless and cruel and manipulative, you can cheat and lie and then lie about cheating, but if you have the audience on side, you can get away with anything. everyone loves a good villain after all.

and i think that understanding is why fernando does what he does. he doesn't think anything of blackmailing and psychologically torturing his boss and then showing up at mclaren again less than a decade later because to him it's part of the show. and because he's as talented as he is people beg him to do just that.

he is a fiction and yet completely real. he lies all the time, but is so honest about the fact that he lies. there is no one else like him

[always-andromeda]

˚₊‧꒰ა 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐨𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 ໒꒱‧₊˚

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ⟡ Dieter Bravo x F!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ⟡ 5064

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ⟡ It's Emmy night. And your infamous ex-boyfriend is stirring up all kinds of trouble for you.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ⟡ Hi ho, everyone!! This piece is for Gin's ( @wannab-urs ) Dom That Middle Aged Man Campaign 2025!! I'm cutting it incredibly close but I actually ended up having a lot of fun with this one. It started as a smaller oneshot but quickly grew bigger and bigger until hey, whaddya know, Roman Roy is making a little cameo. Blame @strang3lov3 for that lol. Her writing for Roman has made that brain rot really settle in and I needed an asshole boyfriend for this one soooo uhhhh yeah. He is in there!! Anyhoo, here is the full masterlist for the event!! Hope y'all enjoy!!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ⟡ smut (minors, do not interact), minimally edited lol, a tiny bit of angst, no reader description given aside from reader wearing makeup and being able-bodied, one minor suicide joke, toxic relationships, shaky descriptions of the goings on of award shows (sorry, I do not keep up with them well enough to know everything <3), mentions of addiction, infidelity (reader is in a PR relationship, shoutout to Roman Roy lmao), oral, heavy mommy kink lol, pegging, some fluffy aftercare, reader is a fucking mess, dieter is a fucking mess, it's all chaos, nothing else I can think of but feel free to let me know if anything else should be added!!

“Sure you’re going to be ready in time?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Roman pops his head into the hotel bathroom. “I dunno, isn’t that a woman thing?”

“It is if you’re a misogynist.” You say before blotting your lipstick.

“Or a realist. Veeeery fine line, babe.”

You roll your eyes. Part of you wishes Roman had never been nominated.

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama.

When you were younger, awards shows always seemed so exciting and glamorous. Sometimes they still are. But as you built up your career and were invited to more of them you had come to realize that they were little more than glorified circle jerks. Sadly, being Roman Roy’s costar and girlfriend obligated you to attend.

You wish your publicist had booked a separate room for you so Roman wouldn’t wind you up. At this point though, you were counting the days until you no longer had to be joined at the hip. Once awards season was over you could move on from this chapter of life. Maybe you’d hide away for a while. The thought keeps you from going completely insane.

The car ride to the theater is quiet. Roman scrolls through his mentions on Twitter the whole way. A few times you assure him that it’ll be alright, that he worked so hard that he’s sure to win. None of that reassurance matters.

He’s been glued to his phone since the nominations dropped. For almost two whole months it’s been a shitshow. One minute he’s stressing about what he should say for his acceptance speech and the next he doesn’t give a shit. A few times he floated the idea of skipping the event altogether. That usually only happened when the D word came into the conversation.

Dieter fucking Bravo as Roman liked to call him.

Roman hates a lot of things. But god, he really hates Dieter. Roman’s young. He’s talented. And Dieter is…well…Dieter.

“How the fuck did that washed up prick get a nom? Asshole finally managed to find someone in the academy desperate enough to fuck him.” Roman said when he first learned that he’d be competing with Dieter. You’d ignored the pointed insult in that outburst. It wasn’t the comparison of talent or rap sheets that heated Roman up so much as the fact that you and Dieter weren’t strangers. Before he turned it all to shit, you and Dieter had dated for one tumultuous year.

Roman cares for you about as much as you care for him, that much you’re sure of. It’s the optics that bother him. It’s the fact that for almost two months, almost every Twitter user talking about him makes the assumption that Roman Roy is just a stepping stone. That you’d soaked up every bit of clout dating Dieter Bravo could give you. And that now you’d jumped to the next big thing in line.

While some folks called you a slut and a number of other awful names, some raised you to the status of feminist icon.

“‘Sucking and fucking her way through the Emmy nominees.’” Roman read to you one night in disgust. “”What a girlboss.’ Are you seeing this shit? They’re saying you’re probably going after Jeff Bridges next. You better not fuck Jeff Bridges. If you fuck Jeff Bridges, I’ll fucking hang myself.”

You try not to care too much. If being with Dieter had taught you anything it was that the media thrived off of acknowledgement. If you responded to the accusations, every outlet would release an article about it. And then another one about the backlash. And then another one about the backlash to the backlash. Then they’d roll shitty banner ads over the whole thing and call it journalism.

Not even you, yourself, gave that much of a shit about your own sex life. You’d much rather mind your own business than feed into their interest, thank you very much. 

It’s why you couldn’t wait to get the carpet walk over and done with. It’s the closest thing to a goddamn parade and Roman’s desire to cut your prep time short has you feeling less than your best.

You’re in your own head, watching Roman get his picture taken by the paparazzi flash mob, and dreading your turn to join in when you’re rudely interrupted.

“He looks like he’s enjoying himself.”

You almost agree until you turn to look at who had just spoken to you.

Dieter fucking Bravo. And he looks fucking gorgeous.

You can hardly remember the last time he looked so put together. His wavy hair is gelled back, accentuating the stray silvers that he finally seems to be letting grow out. He wears a white shirt that’s buttoned up to the neck. The solid white collar is framed by a black sweater. And for once he’s not wearing pants that are too tight or too baggy; these ones are just right. The look is simple but graceful, perfect for a star settling into middle age. If things were different, you’d kiss his stylist with tongue and maybe give them a handjob for blessing you with such a glorious sight. Pressing your nails into the palms of your hands, there are a number of things you think to say.

What are you doing here? How dare you? What the fuck is wrong with you?

But none of them sound right. None are befitting of such a glamorous night either.

So you settle for replying coldly, “Are you not?”

Dieter snorts and you melt upon seeing the crinkles by his eyes in full force. “Are you kidding? I’m shocked they even invited me. Who’s dying to wheel out the washed up old guys for shit like this?”

“Thank god we’re in Hollywood; the mecca for washed up old men,” you scoff.

If Dieter acknowledges the joke, you don’t hear or see it. Your eyes are glued to Roman, afraid that if you look back at Dieter again they might just pop out of your head.

Roman 

Out of the blue he asks, “He isn’t even nice to you, is he?”

It’s a question that makes you scoff and roll your eyes. How dare he? He goes away for a few months and after two years of image fixing he thinks he has any right to ask that? The old urge to swing around and give him a piece of your mind strikes you again. As the cameras flash, you become very aware that even at your place at the periphery of the carpet, a snapshot of you arguing with your ex would make a great TMZ article.

You mumble, “What he is is none of your business.”

“I was nice to you,” Dieter says, then repeats to himself, “I was nice.”

You retort with a laugh, “When you weren’t high off your ass.”

“Don’t pretend you weren’t either.”

Like you need to be reminded of how hellish it was trying to be with him and subsequently get over him. You remember taking old gifts he’d given you to the secondhand store. You remember deleting almost every trace of him from your phone. You remember the nights you struggled to stop yourself from making contact again. It had been a long, uphill battle to wash away the single most chaotic year of your life and you weren’t sliding down it again.

“We’re not having this conversation again. I hated myself when I was with you. And I’m not going back to that place. I’ve worked too hard for you to come crashing in and ruining that.” You say it more to yourself than him. 

With that, you’re ushered over to Roman where you pose with him. And you almost manage to give a genuine smile to the masses.

When you’re finally seated in the theater, the night rolls on with the typical fanfare. You give your prescribed reactions; cheer when your show is called for an award and smile when you notice a camera near you. A few times Roman leans over to mumble some snotty joke about whoever’s on stage and that deep, cynical part of you manages to laugh at them.

At the very least, it makes him less nervous. That’s how you justify it to yourself.

He’s in the middle of another wisecrack when the woman at the microphone pulls Roman’s attention away. “I’m proud to announce the nominees for Lead Actor In A Drama Series.”

You don’t bother watching the giant screen as clips of the nominees play. You already know damn good and well who’s up on the platter for this one. Instead, much to your dismay, your gaze is trained on Dieter. 

He’s a row ahead of you and about a dozen seats to the right so you only get a sliver of his profile. From the bits and pieces you get of his bobbing head, his jaw looks tense. In the silence that precedes the announcement you notice just how age has settled upon Dieter. With his hair a little longer and head held high he looks just like the man you once saw within him. It suits him well.

“And the Emmy goes to…”

Some small piece of you peers out from the shadows of cynicism and your lips curl into a soft smile. As uncomfortable as he seemed to be amongst this crowd, Dieter finally looked well; he looked hopeful.

“Roman Roy!”

Turning back towards Roman you expect a kiss, a squeeze of your hand, some sort of acknowledgement that you’re right there beside him. Anything. But he’s standing and walking towards the stage before you can even say a word.

Normally you treasure your alone time. This time though, the empty air truly feels depressing.

Part of you wishes Roman had come back to the hotel with you. But another part of you is grateful you won’t have to listen to his gloating. Or his “celebration”, as he called it. 

You can’t stop replaying the moment over and over again. The way your breath seemed stuck in your throat as you watched him deliver his bullshit acceptance speech. He shed a genuine tear when thanking his mother; you’d known him long enough to recognize his shreds of sincerity.

For the most part, however, he’s performing. After all, that’s what got him the award to begin with.

Knowing that there’s a camera capturing your reaction you plaster on a toothy grin. While Roman plays the part of the humble award winner, you play the proud girlfriend though you feel more like a prop than his costar.

None of it matters either way. At the end of the night, you knew that Roman’s speech would be clipped and reposted thousands of times online. Maybe then he’d get the validation he seems to have been craving his entire life.

That’s why he decided to stay at the afterparty, you figured. Maybe it’s also why you were already seeing clips of him at said afterparty proclaiming with a smug grin, “Suck it, Bravo.” Validation from his peers. The why of it all didn’t matter either. You’d had enough of pathologizing the men around you for one night. 

Well. Almost enough.

The thought of Roman’s absence departs and Dieter’s presence worms its way back into your mind.

You’d never had a proper sendoff for your relationship with him. Instead you got stood up on a night he was supposed to meet you for dinner. That night you vowed you would no longer drag him out from a drug induced haze. You went nuclear; blocked him, stopped going to his house, revoked his access to your apartment building.

Through the grapevine you heard that he’d finally crashed out a few months afterwards and got shipped off to rehab. Then from there it was close to silence. The post-Dieter life was calm, if a bit predictable.

You pick up your phone from the nightstand and go through your blocked contacts until you find his name. And after nearly two years of being Dieter free you invite him right back into your life.

You half expect the message to go ignored. He might not even have the same number anymore anyways. Right as you’re about to block him again out of pure embarrassment, you see those three telltale dots pop up on the left side of the screen. They ripple for a few seconds before a reply appears.

If he were in front of you, you would’ve rolled your eyes. You quickly type out a response.

You can practically hear the shock Dieter must’ve experienced in how the message stays read for a solid two minutes before he answers again.

Of course, you wanted to scream. I missed you so bad that I binged the entire series and then looked up fanfiction of your character afterwards.

Just like before, the message stays read for a few minutes. But this time the typing dots on his end disappear and come back a few times. You end up laying your phone facedown on the bed so you wouldn’t throw it across the room. Eventually your ringtone chimes and you pick it up again.

Your stomach drops about a thousand miles down an awful pit of guilt until your memory slows it down. As much as his big brown eyes might suggest it, Dieter isn’t some helpless puppy dog. How many times had he fucked you over before? How many times did he force you to take care of his messes? And how many times did you grin and bear it because you loved him? Maybe it was nostalgia. Maybe it was the need for some sort of closure. Or maybe it was the fact that you weren’t going to go through another night ignored and alone. But you impulsively type and send another message.

And much to your surprise, Dieter replies immediately.

From the second you pull Dieter into your hotel room you feel alive again. His lips are against yours and your stomach soars at the way he lets you deprive him of oxygen. You missed him more than you had even fathomed. You missed his eagerness. You missed the way his hands went straight to your ass. You missed his tongue. God, you could suck on his tongue right then and there and die happy.

The muffled groan he lets out when you tug on his hair reminds you the hotel room door is still partially opened. It hits you for a split second that someone easily could’ve followed him here. By morning the media could be all over whatever happens in this room tonight.

Dieter pulls away for air. As he cups your cheek and gives you that classic mischievous smirk he says, “Hi there.”

And suddenly…you don’t give a shit. Not about Roman or the media or your publicist. You’ll deal with the consequences later. Probably. But for now, it’s all Dieter fucking Bravo. And for once, that was a good thing.

Breathlessly, you command, “Get on the bed. Now.”

Dieter hadn’t felt this antsy since his last stint in rehab. With the way he was practically crawling under his skin he was surprised he made it to your hotel in one piece.

It would’ve been quite a headline if he had. Oscar Winner, Dieter Bravo, Dead at 45 After Losing Emmy. If only those leeches could see him now. The headline would probably read Oscar Winner, Dieter Bravo, Naked and Ass Up On Ex-Girlfriend’s Bed.

It hits him that he has no idea where your boyfriend is. For all he knows this is some sick joke you and him devised just so you could kick him while he’s down. Did you still despise him that much? Taking a mental inventory of everything he did when you were together…it was a possibility.

You didn’t even ask if he was busy. For all you know, he could’ve been out drowning his disappointment with as many prescription pills he could get his hands on. That’s what the old Dieter would’ve done. Old Dieter would have answered your texts between lines in the bathroom before speeding to your hotel room. New Dieter was watching reruns of X-Files in his bathrobe when you rang. Yet he still came running anyway.

He realizes that he probably always would.

Dieter’s swirling mind is soothed by your lips leaving kisses along his shoulder blades. Your fingers dance down his spine, creating waves of shivers in their wake. He stifles a contented hum. Can’t show his cards yet; can’t let you know that he’s just as pliable as he used to be for you.

He suspects you know it anyways when you purr, “You remember your place so well.”

Quiet. He stays so quiet he can hear a pin drop. Hell, he can practically hear your lips twitch as you observe him.

As he got older, Dieter found less and less joy in being watched all the time. Those greedy eyes only see him as prey. And tonight was another one of those reminders that no matter how much he tried he’d never again be the promising young actor the world had once adored.

But you liked him. You saw him for exactly what he was and you liked him. Even more, you rewarded him.

“Do you want to be good for me?” You ask tentatively.

He’s heard you say similar things more than a hundred times. Now they sound less like an invitation and more like a test. You’re testing the waters. As if him being naked on your bed wasn’t enough confirmation that he wanted you. Then again, you’ve always been that forgiving; always given him second, third, and fourth chances.

He lifts his head just enough so you can hear him clearly when he confirms, “Yes, please.”

With that, the weight of your body over his is gone. When you order him to flip over a minute later you stand before him with a familiar instrument. Judging by the size and color, he knows it isn’t the same strap you used to use on him, but it’s a welcome sight nonetheless. It’s a soft pink color with ridges that shine in the warm lamplight. He guesses that it’s likely between six and seven inches. But it’s the subtle curve of the cock that has his mouth practically watering just looking at it. Already he can’t help but imagine it inside him, reaching that spot only you were able to.

“You’re lucky I happened to pick this up the other day. Otherwise you would’ve been stuck with my fingers.” You say with a pout.

Dieter thinks for a second that you’ve got an odd idea of what qualifies as a souvenir but brushes the thought away. He blinks hard and swallows thickly. “I would’ve been fine with that,” he mumbles.

You climb back onto the bed and settle between his legs. Then you inch forward so close that he could kiss you again. Your breath is warm on his face when you whisper, “Bullshit.”

You plant a kiss on his cheek before continuing slowly, “Don’t think I forgot how much you love getting stuffed to the brim. You used to love sucking on my cock before I fucked that perfect ass of yours. Do you want that again, baby?”

He nods quickly.

“Then sit up a bit for me.”

Dieter does as he’s told and you straddle his chest. His hands find purchase around the soft flesh of your thighs. You shake your hips and the dick wobbles ever so slightly. The bulbous tip teases his lips.

“She’s pretty, isn’t she?”

“So fucking pretty…” he breathes.

Stifling the urge to take it all at once, he settles with some experimental licks. His tongue runs down the ridges along the underside. It’s firm but not rock solid; it feels almost like the real thing. A shudder runs through him imagining the thing inside him. He feels his own cock twitch.

“C’mon, you can do better than that. Get me all wet, baby,” you encourage.

Dieter’s lips part tentatively, allowing you to shift your hips forward and nudge your cock in. You moan as if you can feel the relief of his warm mouth around you. Something in his stomach fizzles at the thought of you getting off on watching him be like this.

“That’s it, take it…take it…” 

He looks up, wide-eyed, and sees you gazing back with similarly entranced eyes. Your chest heaves gently as you breathe, drinking in the picture of him beneath you with your cock almost halfway in his mouth.

Dieter ventures further, pushing your hips towards him, allowing him to take another inch. You take that as a sign to slowly start thrusting.

“Good boy,” your voice is velvet as you fuck his mouth. You set a reverent, rolling rhythm, trying not to overwhelm him with the length. Despite the normally submissive position, he feels held, loved, though he tries not to get his hopes up.

He remembers this all too well; the sway of your hips and the small sighs you let out. Judging by those sounds, he guesses that you’re probably a mess yourself. His vivid imagination pictures the slick folds between your legs just begging to be squeezing him. God, how he used to make you whine and sob. But you could make him do the exact same.

“Think it’s as wet as it’ll get, huh?”

His agreement is muffled by the instrument itself and you giggle before removing it from him.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replies.

He folds and spreads his legs instinctively, though from a combination of age and lack of practice, the movement is a little strained. To ease his muscles he plants his feet on the mattress and grasps the sheets in his balled fists. In other words, he’s prepared to hold on for dear life if need be.

The seductive tone in your voice turns a bit more serious. “I’m gonna start slow. And if it hurts or you want to stop at all, you better let me know, okay?”

Dieter nods.

“Hey, I’m not playing around. I don’t want to hurt you. I need to hear you acknowledge that if this is too much you’ll tell me. Alright?”

This time he clears his throat, looks you dead in the eye, and responds, “I will. I promise. I trust you.”

You let out a shuddering breath. And it makes him realize that even with the confident demeanor, you’re likely nervous too. It strikes him that you probably haven’t done this in a while either. It makes sense that Roman wasn’t brave enough to take a cock like yours. Lucky for him, Dieter was all too willing to take the bullet in this instance. Suck it, Roy.

You prod at his hole with your tip, dipping it in and out about an inch to test the waters. As relaxed as Dieter is, he knows he’s out of practice. Fucking himself after you left had always felt a bit awkward. He desired the connection more than the feeling; your low voice coaxing him along the path to pleasure and cradling him in your arms when the journey was done. Doing it to himself always left him feeling a little emptier than before so he tended to avoid it.

Though it’s slimmer than the ones he was used to you using, it still takes a minute for him to become acquainted with the fullness of your cock again while you start to slide further in. There’s never really been anyone else he’s trusted without fear that they’d run to their social media with all the details.

You’re the only one who knows just how he likes it. With a few slow, deep thrusts you know exactly how to draw a few sharp gasps from him. You know it’ll make him whine when you dig your fingers into his hips and praise, “You take my cock so well, baby.” 

Once the stretch of you feels a bit more tolerable he gurgles something akin to encouragement.

“You’re just aching for my cock aren’t ya’, sweetheart?” you tease, your confidence slowly returning.

“Pleas– please fuck me,” he moans.

“What’s my name?”

That’s the easiest question of them all. “Mommy,” Dieter blurts, “Please, mommy.”

The name seems to activate you, 

“C’mon,” you pant, “I want the neighbors to hear how good you’re getting fucked. Let them hear you, baby.”

He has no trouble with that. If there is indeed someone in the room next door, he knows that they’re getting the performance of their fucking lives. Strings of his incoherent babble paired with the bang of the headboard against the wall. 

“You wanna touch yourself now? Can mommy see you touch that pretty cock of yours, huh?”

Without another word, Dieter’s hand flies to his neglected dick. Even the slightest bit of pressure from his fist around the base nearly makes him sob. He’s so desperate to relieve the throbbing need in his belly that he begins pumping at an almost brutal pace. Mere seconds before he feels like the cord is about to break, you lay your own hand over his and stop him abruptly.

He lets out a sharp breath through his nose in defiance and is about to protest when you chide,  “Ah, don’t get greedy, baby. Go nice and slow so mommy can really watch you.” You let go of him and continue, “It’s been so long since mommy has seen you come hard. And we’re going to make that happen, we have to be patient. Can you do that? Be patient for mommy?”

He nods feverishly.

“Say it.”

“Yes, mommy.”

Dieter tries his best to pace himself. He tries to time each drag of his fist with the drag of your cock inside of him. His body sways with the movement and if he didn’t feel so on edge, he thinks he could probably fall asleep like this; being fucked into oblivion by you.

He can’t even remember the last time he’d felt so warm and wet and safe. Probably since the last time you were on top of him.

His lidded eyes meet your expression. A few drops of sweat have formed on your forehead. You bite your bottom lip and you stare down at where your cock disappears inside of him. True to your word, you watch him slowly milk his own cock. And he swears that between small grunts he can hear you moan softly.

A bit of pride bubbles in Dieter’s chest knowing that you still crave this the same way he does. You’re just as fucked as he is; just as far gone. And he finds himself starting to slip farther and farther down the pit too.

“F-fu-u-ck– I’m so fucking…sofuckingclose–” he pants. That familiar rush of pleasure in his abdomen threatens to spill over. He knows he’s only got a few seconds until he lets go entirely. He doesn’t wait to be told to ask first. He begs, “Please, please, please, let me cum…holy fuck–”

You’re breathing so hard and so focused on hitting him just right that it takes a moment for you to gather yourself enough to respond. But you do. And Dieter is on the brink of sobbing when you whine, “Go ahead, baby. Make a fucking mess of yourself.”

Those words are the green light for him to fuck his fist a little faster, urging forward that long awaited release. Dieter’s back arches. And with your cock still sliding in and out of him, the slightly altered path makes him see the fucking heavens. God bless the Emmys. God bless the Television Academy. God bless Roman Roy. God bless whoever invented that beautiful, curved, pink cock. And God bless you, his favorite angel, for fucking him onto paradise’s doorstep with it.

Ropes of his thick spend shoot across his stomach. As your thrusts and his movements slow, each spurt begins to slowly spill over his fist. He milks every last drop of cum that he can from his softening cock; you wanted a mess, after all.

Dieter groans when you eventually pull out of him. Closing his heavy eyes, he allows himself to feel just how completely spent he is. Every one of his limbs are jelly. Exhausted but contented jelly.

Soon afterwards you pad away to the bathroom, likely going to retrieve a towel and straighten yourself up a little. When you return and begin to clean up the last hour’s work, he can’t help but notice your expression.

Your jaw is slackened and soft. You part your lips as if in pride at the result of this impulsive act. Though you’d been firm before, you were still so gentle with him. Your melodious hum fills the room with a comforting atmosphere. He missed this. He missed you.

When you both finally settled in bed, it felt as though little time had passed between this tryst and the last. There’s a comfortable silence as you brush a few strands of his hair away from his face and tuck it behind his ear. Your hand lingers for a moment on the side of his head. You hum and press your lips to his for a soft kiss.

Amongst the tangle of limbs, one of his legs is nestled between yours. For a second he wonders if you two hadn’t cleaned up as well as you thought until it hits him that the wetness on his thigh is from you.

He breaks away with urgency and you give him a confused expression. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to-? I think I can get hard again. Just give me a minute to-”

You sigh and hold him, keeping him still. “Dee, it’s okay. You don’t need to do anything.”

“Are you sure? I can go down on you if you want.”

“Hey, what did I say about being greedy, huh?” You laugh. “I’m too tired anyways.”

Dieter’s heart sinks until you continue, “We can do that tomorrow. Before breakfast? How’s that sound?”

He pulls you closer to his chest and chuckles, “I can do that.”

“You sure can pencil that into the schedule?” You tease.

“Oh, I’m not missing that appointment. Trust me.” With a hard swallow he admits, “Been waiting for that opening for a long time.”

Your voice reverberates against his ribcage when you reply, “Me too, Dee. Me too.”

Please consider commenting and/or reblogging if you enjoyed!! Love ya!! 💛

[yuujispinkhair]

Wildest Dreams

You're supposed to write an article about a charity event at The Shrine, the casino of the Itadori family, but soon get swept away by the Yakuza Prince himself. It's probably a bad idea to get close to a dangerous man like him, but he's so tall and handsome as hell. Why not allow yourself to live your wildest dream, at least for one night? -> This is part of my Blog Anniversary Event (closed). @cometcoffee103 requested the song Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift for Yakuza!Yuuji.

Pairing: Yakuza Prince!Yuuji x Reader (female) Genre: fluff + smut, Yakuza AU Word Count: 2k Warnings: 18+, a bit of smut (not very explicit), taking pictures during sex, mentions of alcohol, mentions of organized crime. This story is set in the same universe as my Yakuza AU, but you don't have to read that to understand this story. All you need to know is that Yuuji is the younger brother of the Yakuza King Sukuna, and this version of Yuuji is a bit of a playboy, but in a very sweet and charming way ;) All characters are of age. This story is 18+. Minors don't interact.

The casino is bustling with people, all of them dressed to the nines, including you. But you feel out of place here, despite the nice dress you are wearing and the red lipstick you put on. Everyone around you is someone important, someone insanely rich or influential, politicians, actors, businessmen. And Yakuza.

You gulp hard. Your hand trembles a little as you bring your wine glass to your lips to take a small sip. You shouldn't even be here. You usually only write short lifestyle articles for your magazine. It was your boss' job to attend the charity event in The Shrine, the biggest casino in the whole city, the casino of the Itadori family, one of the most powerful Yakuza clans in the country.

But two hours ago, you received that fateful message: "Put on your nicest dress and hurry to The Shrine. I'm at the hospital and can't make it. I need you to write the article about the charity event. And try to add something personal about the Itadori brothers! That will get our readers hooked."

And so you are standing here, clutching your wine glass while trying to blend in with the millionaires around you, feeling the hairs on your arms stand up as you wonder how many of them are criminals.

You don't even see him coming until he is right in front of you, moving gracefully like a tiger. A broad smile lifts his lips, and golden eyes meet yours.

"Hey, don't you like the wine? Should I get you another drink?"

You take in a sharp breath. You know the man in front of you. Of course you do. 

Itadori Yuuji, with his pink hair and golden eyes. Tall and muscular in his tailored black suit with a pink dress shirt and black tie. Looking just as rich as he truly is with the diamonds sparkling in his ears and the gold rings on every finger. But the scars on his handsome face also tell a story about the other life he is living. His life in Tokyo's underworld.

He is one of the people you got sent here for. The Young Tiger. The Yakuza Prince.

Your heart flutters nervously. But you force yourself to get a grip and be professional. And so you clear your throat before smiling politely at him and shaking your head,

"No, thank you. The wine is perfect, Mr Itadori."

He blinks and then throws his head back and laughs heartily.

"Ahh, please don't call me that! I am Yuuji for someone as cute as you."

Oh?

For a moment, you are caught off guard by his directness and the shameless flirting. But the Itadori charm is well-known. Both Itadori brothers are infamous for being big flirts and playboys who collect women just like they collect fast cars and expensive jewelry.

He points at the press card dangling on a chain around your neck,

"You're here to write about the charity event? How lucky that you ran into me! I can tell you everything you want to know. Come with me!"

You hastily follow him, not daring to waste this chance to get the article your boss demanded from you. And also not daring to turn down the Yakuza Prince's offer.

You spend the next fifteen minutes in a fancy VIP booth while Yuuji answers your questions for your article. Though half of the time, he is blatantly flirting with you. He isn't shy about it. Clearly, a man used to always getting what he wants. The spoiled Prince of Tokyo's underworld.

But you have to admit that his boyish charm works on you. Somehow, his loud laugh and broad sunshine smile make him seem less intimidating than his name suggests. If you didn't know who he was, you wouldn't even be nervous around him. He is so sweet somehow, making you laugh and feel more at ease at this event where you feel so out of place.

And his good looks certainly work their charm on you, too. He looks dashing in his suit, which accentuates all his firm muscles. The undercut and the pink hair on top look sexy on him. You realize that you have unconsciously scooted closer to him.

His golden eyes look thoughtfully at you, making your heart jump. 

"You don't look like you enjoy this event very much. I hate these things, too. All those boring people who try to talk business with me, and no one dares say something funny. I don't know how Sukuna is able to endure this all the time."

He sighs and rolls his pretty eyes. The eyes that then land on the low neckline of your dress. His smile grows bigger, and your breath quickens. Yuuji's large, warm hand lands on yours, giving it a squeeze.

"Hey, cutie, let's leave this boring party, ok? Let's drive out of the city, away from the crowds. We can have some fun, and you can get an exclusive interview with the Yakuza Prince! Not just boring facts about this event, but more personal things. How does that sound?"

Everything in you screams to say no. It's insane to leave with the Yakuza Prince. He might not be as dangerous as his big brother Sukuna, but he is still a powerful Yakuza who can easily kill someone, as the scars on his pretty face prove. It's crazy to imagine getting in his car and driving to an unknown place with him. It's wild to imagine being alone with him.

But somehow, you find yourself biting your lip and nodding as you lift your head to look up at his handsome face. Somehow, your heart is beating so fast that you feel dizzy. Somehow, your skin tingles with excitement. You know you want to go with him. Even though you know there is a high chance this is going to take you down, you can't bring yourself to say no.

And so the words leave your mouth,

"Ok, let's go. Let's sneak away."

Yuuji smiles his bright sunshine smile at you, just as dazzling as the diamonds sparkling in his ears and the various gold rings on his fingers. There's a cheeky glint in his golden eyes,

"I'm very good at sneaking away."

He grabs your hand and pulls you with him, striding with fast steps through his casino, and starts running when you're halfway out the door, laughing loudly, as if he is relieved too to finally leave this fancy event behind. As if he is finally free.

He leads you to his car, a red Porsche, his favorite one, as he lets you know while he holds open the door for you, so charming that you can't help but feel light-headed from all the butterflies in your stomach.

Yuuji drives like someone who knows this city belongs to him. A bit too fast, the music a bit too loud, but it's perfect the way it is. It makes your pulse flutter and your body fill with a giddiness you can't remember ever feeling before.

You leave the city behind you, making an excited tingle start under your skin and spreading through your whole body. It feels like an adventure. Exciting, bubbly. As if your wildest dreams are coming true.

Yuuji parks his car on top of a cliff, turns off the engine, and turns to you with his big sunshine smile.

"So, what are your questions for me, princess?"

You laugh softly,

"Well, my boss said I should try to add something personal about you or your brother. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself? Not about the Yakuza Prince. Tell me about Yuuji."

He smiles and leans closer to you, his large hand cupping your cheek while his golden eyes travel slowly over your face. His thumb caresses your cheek, the gold ring on it gliding smoothly over your skin. Yuuji's voice is low, and you can hear the smile in it,

"Then let me tell you a secret. I hate all those stiff, formal events. I rather want to go clubbing or play video games with my friends. I enjoy spending time at my pachinkos and making my best friend Megumi play the arcade games against me, even though I know I suck at those games. And I like to hang out at my pizza delivery service. I don't care that it's only for ... tax-saving purposes. I love pizza! I want to adjust the recipes and make the best pizza in the whole city! That is my new passion!"

His eyes glitter excitedly while his voice drops to a softer tone, low and almost seductive,

"And I like this here. What we are doing right now. Drive out of the city and look at the sunset. I know I can see it from my penthouse, too, but it's not the same."

His words could sound arrogant, the words of someone who grew up rich and has no idea how normal life works. But he doesn't sound like that. There's an almost melancholic tone to his low voice. As if this evening with you, where he ran from his obligations and the glittering fancy party, is his wildest dream, too.

A soft smile lifts your lips, and you catch yourself leaning into his large, warm hand as you look deeply into those gorgeous golden eyes,

"Then let's stop this stupid interview and just enjoy your free evening."

His answer is a broad, boyish grin that makes your stomach flutter. You chuckle when Yuuji leaves the car and comes over to your side, opening the door for you like a gentleman and offering his hand to lead you to the fence at the end of the cliff, where you have a majestic view over the ocean and the beginning of a beautiful sunset.

But your gaze strays to the man next to you. The Yakuza Prince. Or out here, just Yuuji.

You look at him, at his side profile, hit once again by how good he looks. So tall and handsome as hell in his tailored black suit with the light pink dress shirt and black tie. More stunning than any sunset could ever be.

Yuuji turns his head, catching you staring at him, and laughs happily as he reaches out to wrap a strong arm around you and pull you in front of him, making your pulse flutter with how easily he can manhandle you.

He stands behind you, so tall and strong, his muscular arms wrapped around you, holding you safely, his body pressed against your back, warm and buff. You can feel his firm muscles and smell his sexy and expensive perfume.

Your breath hitches in your throat when you feel his kisses on your neck.

You tilt your head back to rest against Yuuji's shoulder as you look up at him and are met with a smile even more beautiful than the sunset.

A warm, large hand cups your chin, and then soft lips capture yours in a slow, sexy kiss that makes your knees weak. Who would have thought that the Yakuza Prince would be so gentle when he kisses you for the first time?

You have no idea how long you kiss him. You get lost in the feeling of his warm lips on yours and his tongue caressing yours with those deep, sexy flicks. Your hand is tangled in his pink hair as if you don't ever want to let him go again.

The two of you only pull apart to watch the rest of the sunset, with Yuuji's arm around you as you lean against his strong body, unable to stop smiling while your pulse races and your heart hammers in your chest, your skin tingling all over from the sheer craziness and excitement of it all.

+++

"Do you want to spend the rest of the night with me?"

Your heart misses a beat at Yuuji's question. You feel dizzy when you turn around in his arms to look up at his handsome face.

The deep scars across his nose and on the side of his lips tell you about the dangerous life he leads. His title tells you about how dangerous he himself is. You know he is bad, so so bad. But you cannot bring yourself to turn him down when he smiles that big smile at you. You cannot say no to him when every fiber of you craves him, if only for one night.

And so you nod and place a hand on his broad chest, playing with his black tie as you breathe softly,

"Yes, I can't think of anything else I would rather do."

And he smiles that attractive boyish smile at you and leans down to kiss the corner of your lips,

"I will always remember this evening. The pretty sunset, with an even prettier girl. You in that dress, with your red lipstick and the sweet kisses. Please tell me you'll always remember it, too."

You nod happily before cupping his cheeks with your hands and getting on your tiptoes to kiss him again, breathless and passionate, before whispering against his lips,

"Say you'll see me again after tonight, Yuuji."

And his arms tighten around you, strong and muscular, and he nods,

"Of course I will."

You don't hesitate when he leads you back to his car and holds the door open for you. You smile when his large hand lands on your thigh on the drive back to the city, slipping under your dress to caress your inner thigh, dangerously close to your already-soaked panties, making your heart beat wildly as you grab the leather seat. 

You giggle breathlessly when he leans over and kisses you at a red light, making your head spin with the sexy flicks of his tongue before he pulls away again.

You eagerly say yes when he asks if he can accompany you to your apartment. Your dress is already halfway off by the time you manage to unlock your door in between passionate kisses.

You moan when Yuuji's large hands knead your ass and his warm lips suck on your neck. You palm the hard bulge in the Yakuza Prince's fine suit pants all too happily, gasping at how big and hot he feels. You leave a trail of clothes on your floor, leading to your bed, where you spend the best night of your life.

Ruffled sheets, the rhythmic beating of your heart in synch with the headboard banging against the wall. Yuuji's heavy body on top of you, pressing you down so deliciously into your sheets. Loud laughter, even louder moans, and dirty whispers in your ear. Kisses and lipstick marks all over his tan skin. His clothes on your bedroom floor, your hands in his pink hair. Every inch of you brimming with pleasure while you're tangled up with Yuuji's strong body all night, finding utter bliss on his sweet mouth and his gorgeous cock. Smiling when he asks you to please let him take a picture of you while you ride him.

Tomorrow morning, he will leave, get in his sportscar, drive back to his fancy penthouse, and continue to live his fast life as the Prince of Tokyo's underworld. You don't know if this will only be one night and you'll never stand before him in person again after this. But you know you both will always remember this night.

And you will see him again, even if it's just in your wildest dreams.

AAAHHHHH thank you so much for this prompt, babe!!! I was so happy to write for Yakuza Prince Yuuji again aaaahhh!! I am crushing so much on him all over again omgggg 💗💗💗 I NEED HIM BAD!!!

I hope you liked staring at the sunset and staring at sexy Yuuji ;) Please let me know what you think!

Comments and reblogs would be very sweet.

[blakenation1]

Prom is stupid and I hate it: 3/28/2024

Y'all know I'm trans, and I really try not to make it my whole personality, but I do take a lot of pride, I guess, with it being a part of my identity. Here's a blurb from March about some of my thoughts, being transgender, and I figured you DPS tumblr folks might enjoy this. Especially some of my other trans mutuals!!

It’s March, and I’m very excited about spring being on the way, the weather warming up, swimming, beach, vacation, graduating! How exciting to leave.

Prom season is at its dawn. To me it’s like when someone tries to talk to me when I have my headphones in. I am the only transgender person I know in my school. I’m probably the only one. Looking around and seeing guys with their girlfriends, or girls and their girlfriends, or boys and their boyfriends, people and their partners, and seeing them happy together is cool I guess. It’s cool how they can not question if their partner even views them as a boy or girl or non-binary. Maybe later on it would be cool to meet someone and go out, but I don't even know what I really look like right now. 

I think what will really hurt is seeing these happy people at prom. Sometimes I close my eyes, and I am someone very different, but very similar to who I am now. I still have the same blond hair, except it will be blond instead of blonde. My body will look different though, and my voice will sound different. My clothes will fit me differently, and the sunshine will finally not feel like a sunburn for once in my life on my exposed skin. People can’t see it, and people can’t understand that no matter how I dress, my clothes remain overly affectionate, hugging and kissing every curve and wave of my skin. That’s what the mirror tells me anyway. 

When I look in the mirror, I see a stranger, but when my friends, family, teachers, peers, look at me, they see a friend, daughter, niece, sister, student, and someone familiar. I think that it is insane how people look into my eyes, and perhaps see someone that I am not familiar with at all. Sometimes to really understand what I look like, I have to look at actors on television. Sometimes I look outside at a leaf on the ground. Sometimes, I look at the mountains and the ocean. Sometimes I look directly into the sun and I see my real reflection. I look at a desert at night, and it is like looking into a mirror. A mirror that is so kind. 

I don’t wish that I could be like guys my age, but I wish that I could be more than them. I think about how I would do my hair, how I would walk, how I would dress, how I would talk, how I would sit, if I were born a man. In the end, I think that being transgender is so much more than becoming your true, authentic self. It’s identifying with things much more than gender. Identifying with the plains, deserts, rainforests, beaches, islands, pastures, sky, moon, sun, mountains, garden spiders, or the very breeze that races across the earth everyday. It's these things, but you can’t tell some people, because they think you’re crazy, and they think it isn’t real, but shame on them because nature is very much so real. It’s just existing but you can’t tell some people you exist because they look at you like (as my mother would say) “you got ten heads” and then you can’t exist. You have to suck it up, put on clothes other people want to see you in, go to church, go to school, and then hopefully dream about that boy. The one who has blond hair, but a silly-looking knot sticking out from his throat, he has a very nice face, but he is also still 5’4”. 

Prom is stupid and I hate it, because while other teenagers and almost-adults get to experience their youth this way, I get to wait til my late thirties! Or even my forties! Nothing wrong with peaking in your thirties or forties at all, I’m just saying that it’ll be nice. Perhaps twenty years from now, I’ll be friends with the mirror.

[doverstar]

abed/annie is my community otp, so I would love to hear your essay if you’re willing to share ♥️

girl it would be my pleasure

this is going to be an absolutely enormous word-vomit, please prepare-

I want to start off by saying I actually think Abed is genuinely a little bit crazy. Yes, he might be on the spectrum or have some disorder but the show is so loose with that it never really confirms it, so I’m not going to confirm it either, I just think there’s something-something-spectrum there but I’m not educated enough to understand exactly what they’re communicating he has or is dealing with. I think the safest thing to assume is indeed that he’s insane (he said it himself; he saw literal lava when Troy was leaving) but in a small, functional, unique way that doesn’t make him dangerous except when he wants to cut people’s arms off because “Evil Abed has taken over” hello someone do something about that –

Anyway. It’s super difficult for me to understand what goes on in his head episode-to-episode, but with Annie it’s actually easier? Abed has such a specific set of needs when it comes to relationships that it’s a miracle he found the study group at all. He’s so smart and creative and he’s actually very empathetic and sweet but he doesn’t always seem to know how to express things.

Annie is clearly Abed’s second-best friend in the show (it helps that the actor/actress are best friends too). When he can’t turn to Troy, he can always turn to Annie. She understands him and there’s never been a point where we see that start or end—it just naturally happened and they’re both used to it. Abed is always touching her, always sitting by her, always making eye contact with her, and if you pay close attention to even background scenes, he’s measuring her reactions to things more often than anyone else’s. If I had to guess, I think she’s the group member he understood faster than any of the others. Abed (this is, from what I’m told, part of being on the spectrum? but like I said I am uneducated and don’t want to definitively say something the show decided not to be clear about) needs certain things to be a certain way, or he can’t operate normally. He panics, or gets angry, or tries to mutilate Jeff Wingers. He genuinely thinks he is crazy, and he genuinely thinks no one he meets will be able to deal with him for an extended amount of time. (Let’s begin at the beginning from his POV.) Abed meets Annie (and the group), and she seems like the typical Molly Ringwald girl-next-door; pretty, smart, wants popularity, ambitious. That’s why he chose her when he created the study group. Annie is all of these cliched things, but hey, quickly it’s pretty clear Annie needs things to be a certain way. Annie needs structure and lists and good grades. So she gets it when Abed needs that, what a pleasant surprise! And part of that is that Annie empathizes with everyone around her, without even trying, so much so that she’s depicted often as the heart of the whole study group. She gets Abed, both because they’re the same in lots of ways and they’re the opposite. She can crush easily, explode easily, cry easily, laugh easily. Everything Abed has no idea how to emote. Annie is a volcano of emotions, and they’re triggered most when she’s feeling because of or on behalf of other people.

So here’s this girl near his own age who is orderly and structured, and knows how other people feel and can enter in with them emotionally, including Abed. She’s so nice, and tries so hard. She’s even good at playing pretend (Mixology Certification, party of one?). What a perfect leading lady for the life-movie Abed sees everywhere he goes (because that’s how he makes sense of the world). Annie is the ideal female star he’d want in any story: the girl full of passion and drive.

But then there’s Jeff—the study group’s Judd Nelson—presumably the perfect leading man. When Abed first handpicks the group in the pilot and first season, Jeff wants Britta. Hey, that makes sense, Britta seems to be the leading lady type, actually! She’s nice, she’s strong, she’s beautiful. Works perfectly. And look, Annie wants Troy—the brainy bubbly girl wants the dumb jock, that makes sense too. Everything works. Then things start changing within the dynamic. Troy is actually not that dumb, and not that sports-obsessed—he’s fun, and he’s the ideal bro for Abed, but he doesn’t work with Annie. Britta is not that nice, and not that strong—she’s bad at everything, and she doesn’t understand people, she just wants to and is constantly trying to portray (and then hopefully become) the kind of person that does. And Jeff is a stunted jerk who needs reformation.

Oh, Annie is Abed’s friend now too. She said it herself, and that’s rare in Abed’s life. She called them really good friends, and that’s so important to him that he’ll sit in a room for 26 straight hours with nothing to do because Annie asked him to do it. Troy is not the only character Abed would give up control for. There’s one other from the start, because the moment she told him with all her earnest doe-eyedness they were friends, she had him hook line and sinker.

Season 1 progresses. Jeff and Britta might still work, and Abed seems mildly interested in that if only for the cliches—maybe Britta can make him better. No, wait, Britta is bad at that too. Actually, they’re not good for each other. Actually, they’re bad for each other—they’re bad for everyone. But they have similar terrible flaws and habits, so maybe they do make a good pair. Still fine leads. Still works. And besides, Annie has filled in the place of Troy with hippie Vaughn, which is also fine. Doesn’t really work long-term, but Jeff and Britta drive the plot forward more anyway, so the focus should be on them, right? The group is working. The group is thriving. The TV of life moves along.

(Except Jeff kissed Annie to win the Man Is Good/Evil debate. And Abed predicted it. Which means he was thinking about that as a possibility, because he operates on variables and tries to understand outcomes so that he’s not surprised by anything and can keep his friends for longer by relating to and reacting to them better. Jeff has leading man vibes, Annie has leading lady vibes, that’s one potential outcome. And though he insists he’s just making hypotheses based on what he’s learned about his friends so far, when it does happen right in front of them in real life, they kiss, Abed is just as shocked as the others—he literally can’t take his eyes off them until the debate is won. Then afterward, he tells Shirley he can’t predict the future and uses his plans for Pierce being discovered as a genius next in his home-movies as an example, which he believes would never happen—then Britta calls Pierce a genius right in front of him and Abed looks visibly concerned. Maybe what he predicts about his friends will keep happening, even the things he thinks are the least likely of the potential outcomes. Maybe even Jeff and Annie as the two leads. But that doesn’t make sense, does it? Jeff and Britta are endgame, aren’t they? Annie is too young for a leading man like Jeff. Annie is too nice; Jeff is too selfish. Annie is gorgeous and driven, Jeff is handsome and needs fixing, that would work, no, it would change things too much, it’s too unlikely, back to Jeff and Britta, back to playing with Troy and studying film, don’t give it a second thought—)

Transfer dance happens. Annie is going away for the summer with Vaughn. Classic Annie, has his back, always doing the better thing for the plot, bringing a good end-of-Season twist, but it’s okay, as far as he knows she’ll be back in the fall and besides, Abed’s got to-roomie-or-not-roomie with Troy issues to deal with.

And then the new semester starts after the transfer dance. And Anthropology 101 happens (again, one of my favorite episodes for the group fight at the end when it comes to my lil ships). I’M GONNA TALK ABOUT ANTHROPOLOGY 101 NOW. For A CHUNK of time. Jeff and Britta are doing relationship-drama stuff Abed doesn’t quite care about, until Shirley suggests he’s being selfish and that a real friend would enter into Jeff and Britta’s [incredibly fake and nasty] “happiness” and Abed thinks that could work. Actually, progressing Jeff and Britta’s relationship is a goal he can definitely work with. In fact, if you pay attention to the show, whenever there is an opportunity to advance or out Jeff/Britta, Abed takes that opportunity. And whenever there is an opportunity to put JeffAnnie in an uncomfortable or inevitable, c’est la vie light (which two independence-heavy freaks like Jeff and Annie would consider negatively) he takes that too.

Abed urges Jeff/Britta to get married right there in the library before the fight, gives them the ring, because he thinks that’s the next logical step in their grossness. Special episode, all about Jeff/Britta, endgame endgame endgame! He can work with that. In fact, he’s happy to control that. He leaves the room to inexplicably get an Irish singer, dead-ringer Clooney, and a transportable wedding set.

When he comes back and tries to prep the group for the special wedding episode, everyone is tense and Jeff is bleeding from the nose, and Abed does not notice; he’s intent on advancing the plot and the endgame. Then Troy says, “Abed. Jeff made out with Annie.” And Abed’s immediate reaction is “What? Where? When?” And he looks unhappy, like the rest of them. Jeff made out with Annie, and that means everything Abed thought he understood is incorrect. (And I think it bothers the crap out of him and he doesn’t have the ability to unpack why that is the way most people do because he’s different. Surely he’s just angry for the same reasons the rest of the group is? That must be it. That must be why he’s angry specifically with Jeff, not Britta in any tangible way, or even Annie in a tangible way—until later, which I’ll talk about eventually.) Annie tells him they kissed after the transfer dance in a guilty voice, which is a sheepishness she does not respond with to any of the other members of the group. It’s almost like she’s picking up on Abed’s emotion specifically this time. And while everyone else in the group explodes, and Jeff reduces his kiss with Annie to something he should be ashamed of (accurate) because men are monsters who crave young flesh and Annie looks absolutely crushed like a deer in the headlights, Abed starts packing up to leave. And we only see how angry he is right then—he doesn’t enter into anyone else’s problems. We see him react to “Jeff made out with Annie”, and then this is the next time we see him react. Jeff asks where he’s going and Abed throws out a quippy “I now pronounce you cancelled” with a bounce of his eyebrows in an angry way, at Jeff, and when he tries to leave Jeff hurls insults at his back and Abed stops in the doorway, in a normal-person—again, angry—way and turns around and drops one of the sickest burns of the whole show, that TV makes sense and has “likeable leading men”, and says “In life, we have this. We have you.” And walks out. His anger is not directed at anybody else. He doesn’t help Troy with the Pierce situation. He doesn’t try to fix any of it. It’s like he heard “Jeff made out with Annie”, learned the specifics, and was standing there reeling until eventually he decided he couldn’t deal and went to leave, and wouldn’t have shown just how angry he was with Jeff unless Jeff had provoked him, which he did.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE’S MAD JEFF KISSED ANNIE, JUSSAYIN’-

let me pretend I’m a 14-year-old shippy fangirl in my reasoning, okay-

Abed likes logic, and as Season 2 continues, Jeff/Annie gets more and more logical. In fact, even though he has noticed that Jeff and Britta are secretly hooking up in the background of the Season, he is not surprised in Paradigms of Human Memory when Annie calls Jeff out for the will-they-won’t-they he’s been enacting with her, and even says there is something between the two of them, matter-of-factly, which Jeff refuses to own up to. But Abed and Annie are getting closer and closer, too. It’s subtle, but it’s clear they’re 100% comfortable around each other. That becomes super clear by Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas, when, besides Troy, Annie is the only other character to enter into Abed’s way of thinking and play with him, because it’s genuinely important to him and she recognizes that this is what he needs, when everyone else kind of drops off. She helps Abed and Troy stop Duncan from dealing with Abed in a practical, normal way, because she sees that Abed is dealing with something and can only deal with it his way to get through it. That’s incredibly rare for Abed, we see. He’s very attached to her—like I said, often touching her, often sitting by her, often reacting to her.

(I mean hi, in English As A Second Language, Abed thinks he won’t be affected by Annie’s Disney Face; when everyone else obeys Jeff in closing their eyes to it, Abed doesn’t. “Oh don’t worry about me, I can only connect to people through...movies...” literally stops in his tracks when he sees her Disney Face with the cutest wistful twitch of a smile. Jeff has to Indiana-Jones-reference him to make him look away. He doesn’t only connect to people through movies—at least, Annie can get through to him without the need of movies; he’s not a quirky lil robot, he can have normal feelings, but boy does it seem like Annie is the one bringing them out of him more often than most. she gets under his skin ajhzsdkejdb-)

Abed definitely has a crush on Annie. But he doesn’t know how to deal with that or portray it. To his mind, Annie should be with a leading man. Any time he flirts with her, he is pretending to be a leading man from a movie or show. (For a Few Paintballs More, anyone?) Because that’s who she should be paired off with. And that’s what she wants, right? She loooves Jeff Winger now. Britta’s not the leading lady, she never was, that role was always Annie’s, and it makes sense she wants Jeff, and it makes even more sense that Abed is observing the love story, not part of it. Abed is not the leading man, he’s the computer. He watches, analyzes, does not get involved or get the girl.

But he still wants her around, and he can have that much—in fact, when he moves in with Troy and Annie tells him she loves their place, Abed instantly suggests she move in. Not Abed and Troy. Just Abed, and he does not discuss it with his roommate. And Troy seems confused and surprised and gives Abed such an interesting look right after. Annie moves in, Abed agrees to sacrifice some of his routine for her (blanket fort for he and Troy, full bedroom for Annie), things are happy. Things are fine. She puts away his buttered noodles when he’s not finished with them, but she adapts to his needs when he expresses he doesn’t want her to do that; she breaks his Batman DVD but he adapts by forgiving her in a role he can express that in—Batman himself, plus, bonus, he gets to flirt with her as that leading man—and things are better. But then Annie starts trying to control things. Annie starts trying to make life go according to the movie in her head. She tries to get Britta and Troy together, which not only robs Abed of his best friend for a day and disrupts his routine, it makes him angry with Annie. And not just because she tampered with the group’s dynamic, which he doesn’t want anyone else but him to do. okay we’re caught up NOW I get to talk about Virtual Systems Analysis, which is my FAVORITE COMMUNITY EPISODE-

Throughout that episode, Annie is trying to speak in Abed’s language in the Dreamatorium in order to teach him empathy. In the past, she’s had success in communicating with him on his level, but this seems extra hard for some reason. She sees somehow through his expressionless face right away and sees he is angry with her, and though he tries to deflect by saying she’s going to ruin the group by meddling, she eventually does recognize what the problem is. At first she’s convinced Abed just wants Abed’s way and that he needs to be taught how to think of others first (she’s right), but he hears her say that to Troy and it spirals him right into the worry he always has—that he’s crazy, that he’s a problem, that he’ll never fit in because of that, and that when Annie (and anyone else) tries to deal with or fix him, they will get sick of it, give up, and toss him aside. He was already angry with her for a different reason, not just wanting his way again—but now he’s sure she’s done with Abed, too. So he becomes someone else, everyone else, to make his point: that she’s just messing with Britta and Troy so that nothing will stand in the way of her and Jeff.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS WHEN HE IS PRETENDING TO BE JEFF TO HER? He says, “With Abed gone, and Troy and Britta together, there’s nothing standing in the way of us.” With Abed gone. Why did he say that? Because with Abed gone, Annie gets to be in control of everyone? Obviously not. Or is it because out of everyone, every variable, the only other match that makes sense for Britta is Troy and the only other match that makes sense for Annie is-

Oops, Freudian slip. Oh, she’s not falling for it. And Abed is mad at her because he thinks she set up Britta and Troy so she could be with Jeff. Abed is mad that that’s what she wants. And when she tries to argue it’s not, he literally pretends he is her, logicking it out at her, trying to convince her that that is what she wants, because that’s what he thinks she wants, and her controlling things to cause JeffAnnie makes him mad. But c’est la vie, it’s inevitable anyway, right? Why isn’t she seeing that? Why is she trying to talk about him, he doesn’t want to talk about him, especially not after what she said about him— Then she fights back and tells him that she does not love Jeff, she loves the idea of being loved and if she can teach a guy like Jeff to love her, she’ll never be alone. And then she finds out that’s what Abed is afraid of, too. No—that’s what Abed is used to. “I’ve run the simulations, Annie. I don’t get married. [Why is that the first thing he said?] I don’t etc. etc.”

He’s afraid he’ll be alone, and people will always be getting tired of him and throwing him away. Didn’t Annie get tired of him? But she doesn’t, she’s not—in fact, she understands him. She shows him other members of the group understand that feeling, too. She uses his language to explain to him that he’s wrong, and that neither of them should be trying to make life go according to a script in their heads. Abed sees that she does understand, and if she can get into his head and understand him, she really can do it with anyone, and if she can do it, maybe he can too. Annie helps him and makes him a better person, because she reminds him to empathize, which is something Abed didn’t think he could do. Okay I just spent a long time talking about Abed’s perspective. A tiny bit of Annie now, because this is going on too long. As for Annie, she is afraid of being alone and unloved. She’s “psycho”, she’s crazy too, because someone who empathizes that much and can exude that much emotion does seem crazy to other people. She’s a different crazy than Abed, but her brand of psycho lends itself well to getting and communicating with him, because his crazy is escapism and her crazy is confrontation. His crazy is emotionless, her crazy is emotional. His crazy is control, her crazy is compassion. Her parents cut her off, her high school shunned her, Troy never noticed her, of course she’s scared of being ditched. Of being unimportant. Annie’s need to be perfect comes from the need to feel valued. And doesn’t Abed understand the need to not feel left alone? Doesn’t he understand everything needing to be just so, doesn’t he understand wanting to feel important but never expecting it? Just the computer. Just the observer. Wait. Didn’t he invite her to live with him, voluntarily? Doesn’t he always seem to be choosing her to sit by, don’t they always seem to be reassuring one another with a look or a touch? He gets how she feels about Jeff and Britta and their monopolization (hi Basic Sandwich), he gets when she’s feeling insecure, he gets when she needs to escape, just for a second, to pretend to be someone else in any given scenario so that she can take a risk or get out of her comfort zone, and he excels at that so they often do it together. They don’t have to be alone, they have each other. Annie doesn’t have to be perfect, Abed doesn’t have to be normal, and neither of them have to be in control. But nobody listens to me and instead we have Jeff kissing Annie and Brie Larson in a sweater. And don’t get me started on VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing and why Abed and Annie are individually trying so hard to fight each other’s third-roommate preferences-

[yeahiwasintheshit]

I watched and I really loved the new Suspiria movie from 2018, Luca guadagnino who directed the movie says he sees it less as a remake of the classic movie, and more like when a band covers a song. Which is one of the things I appreciated most about the newer film. It has only the loosest of character and plot similarities with the classic Dario Argento film from the 70s.

Style wise the new movie is very much on its own. It’s quite beautiful in its sort of earthy 70s color palette, and naturalistic lighting. It kinda looks and feels more 70s than the original movie made in the 70s. Lol the Argento film has such a distinctive use of bright vibrant colorful lighting that sometimes make sense sometimes don’t, where Luca deliberately did not even attempt anything close to that, and it’s to the movies benefit. It really feels like a completely different movie, and any comparison is ALMOST not fair, cause both movies are not trying to do the same thing. The Argento film is an almost stylistic exercise in horror... a waking nightmare of exaggerated color, exaggerated gore and exaggerated acting, in a movie with a plot that is very thin, and used to hang gory colorful scenes on. which i also love. Its great, and I like the original for the abstract weirdness it is, but the new one is so completely not that at all. its a slow burn, punctuated with intense graphic violence, told nationalistically, that is building fear, building tension, building a deeply complex plot that is not only about witches, but about power and how it corrupts. how it changes those in power into monsters who do terrible things. it kinda reminds me of dune and the messiah that is birthed into a world that needs to be cleansed. i dont know if any of that is spoilers, or not. or if im gonna spoil anything more, soooo....

the first real violent scene, is done so perfectly. what i really liked about this movie, is that the witches in the movie cast their spells thru dance. which makes sense why they have a dance academy. so we see theres a dancer named olga, who has previously slighted the witches, and is now caught in another room by them. shes alone and scared and she cant get out. so then cut to dakota johnson, shes starting to perform this dance, which was apparently originally choreographed by tildas character. it is this really sharp, rigid, animalistic almost tribal like dance. and as dakota does these wild "modern" dance moves, its edited wonderfully, so that this other woman, olga, is almost being punched and kicked and thrown around the room in sync with the dancing. dakota does these harsh twisting movements with her hands and the girls arm breaks, then another move and her leg gets twisted up behind her head. shes contorted like a pretzel by the end of the dance, but not dead. its horrific! the witches then show up later as shes a pathetic lump on the floor, and use these meat hooks to lift her up. shes later used in the ceremony at the end. its insane and creative and disturbingly wild!

the movies not perfect tho, and tilda swinton in old man makeup was kind of a distraction for me a little bit. i dont really understand why they chose to do that. like for me whenever i see someone in old age makeup it says to me that you are going to see that actor later, in like a flashback or some scene when the character is younger. i was waiting for it and it doesnt come. theres gotta be a reason for it, cause why bother. but we get thru the whole movie and there seems to be no reason... no flashback or tilda ripping her old age makeup off. so it was a little confusing. but it also actually makes me think, maybe there was a reason for it??? idk

for me when i figured out it was tilda in the old man makeup, i was wondering why? and as the movie went on i assumed that we were to infer that yes josef was a vessel for the witches to spy on chloe moritzs character, from the beginning. even before the beginning of the movie. to know all her secrets. to know who she was talking to. when we met josefs wife later in the movie, i thought maybe she was a witch too, and that was how they controlled josef and got information about the girls, maybe? josef also is important because he becomes a witness at the end to mother superiorums ascension. it made me think he has a deeper connection with the witches, maybe thru his wife. so by the end when none of that happened or at least none of that was spelled out, i was a little confused, cause i thought that would have made sense? but none of it happened so maybe it wasnt any of that? and they just wanted tilda to play the old man? idk. you cant make a movie more than what is on screen, but these were the thoughts i was having as i was watching it. it may be deeper or may not... maybe its left vague for a reason. i dont really know.

but that was pretty much my biggest question mark about the whole movie, besides that i was completely invested thru the whole 2.5 hr movie. it didnt feel like it dragged at all. the pacing, while some people may think is slow, i was really into. it made me pay attention to all the scenes. i wanted to know what was happening. i didnt want to miss any piece, so i was focused. didnt pick up my phone once lol

the performances also were really great! dakota johnson as susie bannion, was so good. in my opinion she knows who she is right from the get go. ive seen people say that they think susie comes into the dance academy as an "innocent" someone who is "corrupted" by the witches and is "overtaken" by the spirit or soul of mother superiorum, but i think susie is mother superiorum from the beginning and she comes into the dance academy as almost a spy, someone powerful enough to block the other witches knowing who she is, so she can observe the witches without them knowing. and when she see how they are following the corrupt and power hungry mother markos, she springs into action, in the final scene, to kill mother markos and her followers. which is so creepy and gory and insane! but for us, the audience, we are like the witches, we dont know the extent of susies power at the beginning, we find out what shes capable of as the movie goes on, like the witches do. i didnt see that twist coming, but when it did, i thought that susie has been mother superiorum from the beginning, which apparently some didnt think. so again, i dont know, and the movie doesnt explicitly state. which i do kinda admire that they keep it vague and open to interpretation.

tilda swinton is also amazing. playing 3 roles, as madame blanc, josef, and mother markos. the old man makeup is really good, but its clearly old man makeup, and they didnt really disguise tildas voice, so it sounds like tilda swinton doing a frail old man voice lol she does really do a great job physically as an old man. its a great performance. mother markos is all grotesque makeup and a gross weird fat suit and weird voice, that i suspected it might be her under all that, but i wasnt sure until after the movie. lol her best performance for me, was as madame blanc. her scenes with dakota johnson were great. you sorta get this feeling like blanc is falling in love with susie, but its played like shes afraid of it a little, and almost a little scared of susie. like blanc knows more than the other witches do. idk. i like they kept a lot of it vague. like there might be another chapter in the story possibly? who knows. id love to see a sequel.

its also worth mentioning, that the josef character has a bigger role than it would seem, and is in more of the movie than youd think. i appreciated the sweeter ending, especially considering the orgy of blood and naked bodies in that red cave scene, athe end, before the very ending of the movie. i thought that that ending scene of mother superiorum at the bed with josef, as he finally got the news he wanted, really worked. cause it doesnt end with the cynicism sometimes in horror movies. the real villains were killed in the movie, and now they can start over. like maybe the message is that when people in power become too bloated and disgusting with power, like markos, its time to get rid of them and start with a new one.

anyway, really loved the movie. i saw it last night and im still thinking of it, so that a good sign, when it sticks with you so long, and theres parts that are vague enough to build your own story to, which i like, & its kind of exciting. def worth watching.

[wereoz]

@cnka i wanted to reply to ur question abt my thoughts on the tsn doc on my actual post but the tags were so insanely long i was like. i need to make an actual post

SO IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

first off, wow im just so astounded by the fervent love that went into making tsn. it was a risk and so unlike other projects fincher and anyone else there had done but w/ their commitment to it it turned out SO amazingly. the fact they sat around a table and argued for hours abt how the lines fit and everyone could make their case is just. WOW!!!! they really made sure everyone understood and loved playing their characters.

erica's and christies actresses werent very common appearances like mark but they really went all in too im in AWE!! NOT TO MENTION MARYLINS WOW!! rooney mara really just. god she went so hard into making sure all of ericas kindness and leniency and frustration were so clear, she was so focused in the behind the scenes footage and obviously having so much fun <33 i love that brenda song was able to relate to christie's jealousy and fear eduardo was cheating. the fact all the actors ARE the characters ages and are as chaotic and fierce and dedicated and ambitious makes it soooo<3333 rashida jones describing marilyn as a greek chorus just watching hit SO hard. the second hand experience of this young man going through this epic tale by just hearing it thru testimony is a crazy thing. the act of listening is so simple but becomes so emotional even as everyone wants to keep it professional

on the twins: i find it so wonderful that the actors armie and josh played both twins. it just WORKS bc twins take the 'know u better than u do' that siblings have and take it to absolutely insane levels. the fact these actors have literally got access to both the twins minds takes the performance to a whole new level like those twins know each other inside and out!!!! its a meta thing that goes truly crazy.

you have already seen me say the bts of the erica and mark breakup truly kills me bc. he is being an asshole and not listening and the fact he doesn’t mean to doesn’t change that he is. she has to leave, but it’s so sad that she does bc… fincher calling him 'damaged goods' implies a universe where whatever makes him like this isnt present. where maybe he’s fine. so. GOD :’(( (i think it’s autism + the bad life experiences that come from that & being queer + the bad life experiences that come from that, heightened by the era)

on a more positive note i love that on set picking out the accessories andrew says ‘i’ when hes speaking as eduardo. he’s really dedicated to the role its great. also that he and jesse had conversations in character like these 20 year olds r crazy truly. love them for that !!

during the whole thing, everyone is so suspicious, and condemning to mark: like, noting that he is driven by ego, jesse jokes mark is okay with the cold because he doesn’t feel anything, and also, there’s a part when sorkin, fincher, andrew, and jesse are sitting around and talking about the scene where mark & eduardo argue abt ads. essentially, they make the argument that mark always says ‘i’ when eduardo says ‘we’ because in his mind, eduardo hasn’t contributed much at all. while mark is up coding for hours straight, eduardo is at some phoenix thing so? what gives?

so i was reframing my understanding of mark (which. is very indulgent cus i love him), and trying to get as close to his brain as i could and i was coming up with him generally being pretty… hard on the outside for lack of a better word. he’s not traditionally intimidating (like the script states) but its hard to crack him and you can really see this with jesse’s physicality like he’s so stiff. that’s pretty innocuous but i think this is something he uses to put distance between him and his loved ones- very frustrating. and i think every time i realise how much mark is an asshole i remember so many reasons why they added *trying to be.

when fincher called him damaged goods it’s like. the most in the doc people give him the benefit of the doubt (also sorkin saying he wanted to balance out all of mark’s character). which is pretty good because marks good traits are supposed to be very subtle and hit you when you don’t expect it. that’s very much how i felt when i suddenly remembered ‘sorry. that was mean.’ he truly is just trying to be an asshole. he wants to be nicer than he is but he also wants more power than he does and as someone who felt pretty powerless the rest of his life, that trumps the rest. he really thinks he can have both experiences, power and love, and he just hates that every time he takes a step in one direction it cancels out the other. this actually really fits in well w/ my next point

i also want to say that the fact mark videoing everyone was explained as him wanting to force proof that everything is fine, and they’re happy is making me so :(( MARK!!!! :(( he is so. i mean its two things: its the ‘i won, but did i?’ of it all. mark won the argument but its a hollow victory, being some sillicon valley titan isn’t emotionally fulfilling, it will never be enough. especially not when its costing him a good friend. the way the end is laced throughout the entire movie is so sick to me

re marks bullshit i also love how they mentioned that marks jealousy about the final clubs is more than just wanting to be in eduardo’s position its like - i thought we had some loser solidarity and now its like you’re a whole different person. its less of a horrible feeling when ur at the bottom with someone and mark feels betrayed. ofc mark doesn’t feel safe to express this emotion (bc bullied nerd boy whos probs bi in the 2000s), or doesn’t know that’s what he’s feeling, and decides it’s eduardo’s fault and freezes him out for it.

this is just off the top of my head i certainly have more and will probably talk more abt this lovely doc again :^))

[palomahasenteredthechat]

I KNOW WE KEEP BRINGING UP TOM HIDDLESTON AND I'M SORRY! But at the risk of giving myself away, I have been saying since the beginning that Joseph's breakout into fame mirrored Tom's in a big way! I made a few posts about it back when the fans were being insane in late 2022. I was there in 2012 when Tom first rose to overnight fame and I stayed for about 3 years before fully moving on. Just before the T.S fiasco thank goodness. The point of saying this is that in the beginning when I was seeing Joe do all these interviews and saying whatever he wanted without really thinking and making inappropriate jokes I was reminded of how Tom used to be and I wondered if the similarities in their journey's would continue in the coming years. I wondered, would we see this version of Joseph that we started seeing in the media tour for AQPDO. Because I used to wake up in the mornings and read Tom Hiddleston's twitter like the morning paper. The man was SO funny and he posted ALL THE TIME. But about 6 months in, after someone found his old Myspace (showing my age there) and posted a bunch of photos from his 20s and screenshotted all the silly things he said as a young man, he hired a publicist and that just stopped. Not like, slowly dwindled. Like went from posting several thoughts he had 10 times a day since like 2006 to radio silence. Only ever posting to plug his new things . He went from giving titbits about his life and making jokes in interviews (He sang a very inappropriate part of a Tim Minchin song in an acceptance speech after Tim gave him an award for example😂) to strictly professional and very private. His Publicist at the time (Luke Windsor) was always watching to the point that it became a fandom joke because he was just THERE all the time in the background of photos, giving looks off to the side of interviews etc. It was pretty clear that he was getting absolutely reamed behind the scenes for saying things he shouldn't and posting things on socials that they didn't approve of. Don't get me wrong, Luke was seemingly lovely and the fandom enjoyed his presence but he was GOOD AT HIS JOB which meant that while Tom lost a lot of fans that "missed 2012 Tom" and wanted him back, he was taken way more seriously in a professional setting and ultimately it was great for his career. This is what's happening to Joseph. The parallel of 2012 to 2014 Tom Hiddleston to 2022 - 2024 Joseph Quinn is so extremely interesting to me, I could go on about it forever but I won't force you all to listen. The point of the message is to say that Tom never did go back to "who he was" or at the very least his public persona changed completely and we never did get "The Old Tom" back. Even if he may have still been that person behind closed doors, we never saw him again. So I'm sorry to say, for anyone hoping that Joe will magically reverse his image and behaviour after the DC thing ends or if he changes publicists that that is not likely to happen, especially now that he's signed with Marvel. So I encourage you all to do your best to digest that info. Sit with it for a bit and decide if you want to be a fan of or follow "The New Joe" because unfortunately, he's here to stay. :(

Fascinating, fascinating stuff Nonny. I also remember Tom's 'I am incredibly excited' tweets.

I have to believe these publicists do what they do not only to professionalize the actor's brand/career prospects but also to help the actor manage fame. If you are constantly giving up a part of yourself to everyone it can consume you. Only giving the 'persona' is probably a shield.

Thank you for writing!

[grendil9]

I found this on a video suggested to me about a guy who has no friends in university.

I've never had the chance to say it, but golems connect with each other perfectly well and almost instinctually. But it's worse than that. It's not enough that they can have their own world. They need to destroy ours. If you are a normal human, and you have a normal human friend past the age of 18, you are a problem. They will go out of their way, well-instructed by Rabbi, to dismantle your friendship. They send people to make it happen. They alter one or both of your lives. It's insane.

Well, I'm sure by now they have bounties which run that low in age.

I believe there are large, complicated systems in place since the 90s to keep non-golems from finding each other, and the "internet of things" (mass-electrosmog-dumping censors on every single product with copper in it) has made it effectively impossible. If you even get close to another real human, an alarm goes off.

I see this control-grid mentioned in the far corners of the internet, and it sounds so sci-fi that you really don't think about it, just more schitzobabble, but there's a chance the person saying it knows the truth. I certainly do.

I read this on private forums about gangstalking. Forums that were absolutely infested with bots and golems pretending to be victims, babbling on about insane nonsense that means nothing, to throw real victims off. But once I read a comment that explained that if two normal humans got together a whole slew of instincts would kick in that they've both never felt before, and they would begin to see the golems for what they are. I'm guessing that means one or both of them would need to be slain? Or imprisoned? How evil.

I remember a kid named Jeff in high school who was a natural blonde (prime rib to golems) and he unalived himself. Allegedly. Of course there's still a chance that he was just a golem and his parents skipped town and did the fake death story as a hoax for a paycheck. "Cancer girl" or "Cancer boy" in high school are also common "exit stories" that golems run if they're commanded by Rabbi to move somewhere. Actors and musicians do this all the time. Long made-up diseases happen less often now. But maybe...

Maybe there's a chance Jeff was driven to unaliving as some sort of multi-year gangstalking experiment. He gradually degenerated and lost all his golem friends (maybe assigned handlers to help with the process of the experiment) and started to look like shit throughout his sophomore (?) year. Covered in thick acne. Actually, now that I know what I know about their control systems, it's possible that they fucked with his hormones heavily.

I never had a single friend in high school, or really my entire life, and now that I know about the myth of suicide I suspect one of the reasons he was slain was to keep us from becoming friends.

More censorship waves while typing this. Really painful. I need to go back and edit it later because they've affected my ability to write, just as planned. The people who are doing this to me are evil monsters who disregard my suffering because they are evil. God save me from these killers who pretend to be righteous. Who pretend that humans are inherently evil so that they can do to us whatever they want. We are not. They are.

[hanasnx]

i've loved the whole starlet reader little bits and bobs recently. she's my babygirl, i have posters of her up on my walls and her playboy cover under my bed <33

i know the au! is hayden-based, but my brain circled around anakin for this one. 

in my mind the prequels take place in what would be our 1940s or 1950s as the ogs reflected closer the political context of the 60s. 

which lends itself for a golden-age starlet reader, and i wanted to share a thought! ITS SO LONG IM SO SORRY  ;;

-🥩

with a war raging on, people need some sort of distraction as to not go insane with the politics and bloodshed of it all - an escapism the entertainment industry is more than happy to provide. anything you could possibly want to escape your own life for a little while, they have. 

i like to imagine each clone legion has has their own taste when it comes down to their poison of choice - the 302th are very into the thrillers of an acclaimed silver fox actor. the 127th favour comedies regardless of whoever stars in them.

the 501st claimed starlet!reader as their girl. that's quite literally how she's known in the clones barracks, "the 501st's girl".

the legion is very familiar with their girl and her filmography. even though not all of her repertoire is romance, that's the one genre they indulge in the most.  

in the two hours they get to spend with her, they get to live the romance of a lifetime they may never get to experience otherwise. she's their forbidden lover, their wife, their temptress.

their girl, really.

she's special to them, even if in a parasocial way. it's a tragic thought to think how many of them passed with a picture of her on the windshield of their ship. 

maybe that's why anakin agreed to watch a holo-film of hers with the 401st. it's important to them, so it's important to him. a little bonding time. 

he just didn't expect to become so quickly enraptured with you, too - not in the same way his clone comrades are, their girl is the vessel for their fantasies. to anakin? you're his fantasy. 

i doubt he cares much for your movies, i think he prefers your interviews and commercials.  he has a few favorite frames he comes back to often. 

he lingers on them more than he should - a parasocial relationship *hardly* counts as an attachment anyways. 

considering how most holo-projections are 3D, i'm sure he's already familiar with your form, from head to toes. 

but no projection can compare to seeing the real thing for the first time - you were actually real? he couldn't wrap his head around that idea. 

i mean, you looked real when you arrived in a pretty little white-blue outfit, accompanied by palpatine, (who ofc organized the whole thing). you were all smiles and waves, clearly trying to make contact with as many eyes as you could before you went onstage.  

you sounded real when you yelped and giggled when you almost tripped on the slippery stairs when you were headed center to deliver a small speech to your boys (as you so lovingly called them). 

but what really almost sold him on the fact that you were real, was feeling you. physically you were meters away, but with his connection to the force? you were almost breathing down his neck with how close he felt your force presence. the very essence of what makes you, you. 

you were singing your heart out up there -  oblivious to how you intoxicated almost all of anakin's senses by simply existing in the same space as him. 

he just really needed to confirm you tasted real, to be completly sold on your existence as something beyond a hallucination of his haunted mind. 

WHAT THE FUCK

look i dont like long inbox msgs bcos its rly difficult for me to focus on them and all that etc etc whatever whatever but this.. this i loved reading. i want more of it. i want to hear more about the 501st's girl and how ppl joke about it "oh hows your lil girlfriend??" as if shes the collective gf of this division sldfj. i wonder how anakin gets closer, do you feel drawn to him too? if so, is it cos hes pretty or is it a magical thing? are the 501st jealous or playfully jealous over anakins success in bagging you??

my cheeks slowly heated up the entire time i read it i rly enjoyed it omg

[lazystar]

Black Cat Energy

Himbo!Changbin x BlackCat!Reader

Office Spin Off

WC: 3.6K

A/N: if you are of drinking age take a shot for every disney reference I make lmfao A MASSIVE MASSIVE thank you to @yourfavbinerdgf for being my beta reader and editor for all of my work ilysm bby! Our reader is v closed off and tbh a mood, we stan Bin

CW: Alcohol consumption, Reader is harassed whilst intoxicated, Iris is the name of Y/N from Jeongin’s fic!

Most people would characterize someone who worked as a receptionist or secretary to be bright and bubbly. Someone who had a similar personality to characters like Erin or Kelly from The Office. You however, were much more aloof, blunt, sometimes even standoffish. You focused on ensuring everyone had what they needed, that calls were transferred correctly, files were sent out to the right recipients, and your ever growing hatred for the copier for always jamming.

You often received the comparison to the black cat personality archetype. At first you were a bit confused as to how that fit you, until your friend Iris from sales explained the meme to you one night over wine. Her boyfriend Jeongin was out with friends so girls night was held at their shared apartment. As the two of you applied your clay face masks and sipped your zinfandels she went into heavy detail about how you perfectly embodied the classic “black cat gf” personality type.

“Come on Y/N! It perfectly sums you up, you’re antisocial except around people you care about, you can be very closed off when upset, you literally own a black cat, you are perpetually exhausted, you have trust issues, you—”

“Okay, okay, okay! Shit I didn’t expect you to read me like a fucking therapist!” You laughed and smacked her arm whilst she tried to keep expanding on how you were so like Raven from Teen Titans. “Also why did you bring my baby Byeol into this?!” she gave you a side eye stare in response. The two of you continued to joke around and finish your girls night skincare routines until the front door opened and the loud raucous laughs of the boys broke the ambiance of the living room. Piling in was Jeongin, Hyunjin, Minho, and Changbin. The four were clearly a little drunk and they locked eyes with you and Iris who had been sitting on the couch in your fluffy robes, adorned with matching Kuromi and My Melody headbands, sheet masks, and watching the latest episodes of some drama that one of the other girls in the office recommended with high praise for the male lead actor’s visuals and performance.

“WAITTT IT WAS GIRLS NIGHT AND SPA NIGHT?! WHY WASN’T I INVITED?!!!” Changbin whined and stomped over to you and Iris. You looked over at your dear friend with an eye roll, kiss to your teeth and an expression that read ‘who’s gonna tell him?’. She laughed and shooed him away with a ‘next time maybe okay?’ and this satisfied the brawny male. However her promise-not-promise stuck in his head more than you wish it did.

Being the marketing department’s receptionist-secretary, it unfortunately gave Changbin easy access to constantly harass you about girls night. It was almost comical how he begged and pleaded to know when he could waltz over to your apartment to sit in a fluffy robe, with his Sanrio headband, and sip a cocktail alongside you and Iris. He wanted to spend time with you and brighten the cloudy aura you carried, turn your cold expression into a smile. Which he surprisingly succeeded at several times before, only for you to catch yourself and return to your resting bitch face. Changbin found your icy personality insanely attractive, he liked how assertive you were, how you had this aloof air of ‘I could care less’ about you. He wanted to break your walls down and get to know you, but getting you to trust him would be a challenge. But Changbin loved a good challenge.

It started with him coming in early to leave a note on your desk. An anonymous compliment about your ability to keep the ship that was the marketing department afloat. Anonymous compliments about the way you took care of others, compliments regarding your emphasis on boundaries, compliments about how organized you were, silly little memes here and there, and as his confidence grew he started leaving clues in his notes that it was him.

“Oooo new note from your admirer? What does it say?!” Iris cooed as she walked with you to your desk, she had a meeting first thing with the marketing team handling one of her clients’ latest campaigns so she chose to hunker down with you until it began.

“Well it’s a longer one today and ooo they even left me a coffee and pastry. Ugh they really do get me! Hmm okay it says ‘Y/N, check some of the notes from the past few weeks! If you can match up the clues you might just figure out who I may be. If you need to find out where to start just follow your HEART, if it seems to lead you astray take a step back and look again for the KEY, good luck my dear and remember, you are brighter than any STAR in the sky.’ subtlety is definitely not mister admirer’s strong suit. Okay so ‘heart, key, star….” you had set aside all of the notes and had picked up on the patterns he had drawn on each of them. Sure enough you found the three notes he had indicated and on the back of them were the letters C H A… but when you looked at the other ones he had left there were no more letters on the back. You were stumped and honestly sad, you had hoped that it would reveal that the goofy, beefy, sweet, team lead who had basically given up on crashing girls night was your admirer. But, CHA could be honestly anyone, far too many names began with those three letters, but all you wanted it to be was Changbin. Changbin with his blatant flirting, adorable clumsiness, infectious laugh, face illuminating grin, and other qualities that had made you smile when nobody was watching, the man had started to win you over. He reminded you oddly enough of Kronk from Emperor’s New Groove. He was passionate about his hobbies, beefy, not always the brightest, but damn did he care for those he adored. You hoped he still adored you even though you kept up your icy facade, you didn’t like letting people in, it made you uncomfortable. Changbin however, he had made you feel a bit more comfortable with allowing yourself to be open.

You shook your head from your office crush filled thoughts and looked over at your partner in crime Iris as you two analyzed the clues.

“C…H…A…? Girl that could be anyone!” Iris looked over at you with a raised brow and matching ‘WTF’ expression. She noticed your sagging shoulders and longing gaze over at Changbin who was animatedly talking to the new girl on the team, sure your boss Chan was there supervising but Iris saw the way your gaze flitted to your black pumps and the pilling carpet. “It could be anyone but let me guess, you wish it was Gaston huh?” She said almost pityingly.

“Pffft no, and come on isn’t it obvious he’s so much more of a Kronk or Kristoff than a Gaston. I mean look at him, he would so give his pet their own voice any chance he could!” You gently elbowed her and smiled before quickly fixing your expression to your classic slight glare and nudged her out of your desk area. “Now shoo shoo your meeting is in 10 minutes and I have shit to do.” Iris laughed, covertly flipped you off and texted Jeongin a quick message about their operation to get their friends together. Jeongin was sick of Changbin’s pining after you, and Iris wanted you to be happy. So of course the couple just HAD to play Cupid, Changbin had been getting advice on his love notes to you from the pair and so far so good. That is until a few days later when you saw his excitement when talking with the new girl, a sweet, bubbly, young lady named Hana. She was the exact opposite of you, she matched Changbin’s energy perfectly, she was who you wish you were. She was like the sun, whereas you were like the moon and unfortunately you didn’t realize that Changbin preferred the gentler light the moon provided.

You began to just set aside the notes, not even bothering to solve the puzzle. You also pushed away the treats and gifts left for you on your desk. You began to close yourself off again, ignoring invitations to get drinks and meals after work, ignoring karaoke invitations. You would come in, work, then go home to be with Byeol. Changbin noticed the change the moment it began, he was confused, hurt,

and scared you were silently rejecting him. Hana, his new friend who had heard all about you from him, even said that you might just not know what to do with the information that he is your admirer. But Changbin knew you better than Hana,

something was wrong.

This revelation led Changbin to your front door. He was in his work clothes, carrying a tote bag holding a matching set of new robes, matching headbands, new skincare, and a lot of your favorite snacks. He anxiously rocked back and forth on his feet as he knocked on your door.

“UGH IRIS I SAID I DIDN'T WANT— Oh! Uh, hi? Changbin?” you laughed embarrassed at him hearing your annoyed shouting. You crossed your arms and popped your hip as you looked at him expectantly. Your quirked brow and questioning gaze conveyed your confusion at his presence. He sheepishly smiled at you and held up the shopping bags in his hands.

“Sorry, I’m no Iris and it’s not Friday but I thought maybe we could have our own girls night? You’ve seemed a bit down and I thought you could use a little cheer up!” His awkward smile made you internally sigh with admiration at him. He looked so handsome with the flush on his face, you couldn’t fight back a matching shy smile and gestured for him to come inside.

“Changbin you sweetheart I would love to have a girls night with you.” That sentence lead to where you are now, drunkenly cuddling up to your crush in matching fluffy robes and singing along to “Love is an Open Door.” from Frozen. “Binnie, you are such a Kristoff! You know that?” You giggled was the movie played on in the background, you couldn’t help but focus on his face as you leaned on his shoulder.

“Gee Y/N that’s such a compliment! He’s like the best character!”

“See that’s where you are wrong it’s obviously Olaf like helloooo he basically carries the story on his back!”

“I don’t think snowmen have backs?”

“You are so lucky you are cute because honey you surely aren’t serious right now.” You shushed his protests and gave him a look that told him not to argue with you. His breath caught in his chest as he was caught up in the sensation of you burrowing further into his hold as the movie played on.

Not even ten minutes later you look up at him, wine clouding your mind as you let another smile grace your face, “Bin? What Disney character am I most like?”

“Meg from Hercules, easily one of the best!” Without another prompt you both turned on the classic film’s soundtrack and sang your hearts out. As you both sang you pointed out his similarities to the namesake character and this oddly stuck with you, maybe your own Hunkules as the Muses would say was right in front of you? But like Meg you did not want to admit that you were in love, but come check the grin you are at least in the crushing stage.

As spring warmed into summer campaign season encroached like a tiger. This was when marketing and advertising was swamped with planning for the upcoming year, analyzing trends, looking at numbers. The office became everyone’s second home as the coffee machine was constantly being refilled with water and grounds, and the most busy people even brought sleeping mats to their desks. It was the chaos you found yourself thriving in, fielding calls, fixing printer jams, checking spreadsheets, you were at your prime in the fast paced rush of the workday. Busy seasons like the holidays and summers brought you some serenity as they were a distraction from your perpetual state of internal turmoil. You worked best under pressure as it cleansed your mind like a soft rain cleansed the earth.

One mild summer Friday you found yourself slumped over a bar counter, your third margarita of the night on its last dregs as you began to work yourself into another classic Y/N existential crisis. Iris as per usual by your side lamenting in her texts to Jeongin about how you needed to stop being so blind to the reality around you. A rough week of lost files, annoying clients, rude phone calls, etc. lead you two into the bar along with a few other coworkers. The rest of the crowd had left a bit ago to turn in for the night and your dear friend had sobered up and had turned into your babysitter as the alcohol turned off your usual cold front.

“Iris, I-UGH! I don’t know what to do, I like him genuinely but like he’s the complete opposite of me! There’s girls like Hana that make so much more sense. He’s gonna leave as soon as he realizes I’m a mess and I’m—”

“Y/N baby love with all due adoration and respect please shut the FUCK UP!” She bops you upside the head and laughs as you whine about how it hurt. “I gotta go gorgeous. I have brunch with my planner for Jeongin and I’s big day.” You pathetically nod and flag the bartender for another drink, then another, and one more until you’re cut off. Your drunk thoughts began to wander to how lucky your best friend was, she was engaged to her soulmate! Yet here you were drunkenly pining over a man who had gone out of his way to make you smile and laugh, but that’s just who he was; he was better suited for the more outgoing girl with fewer walls built around her heart.

A sigh left your lips as you stumbled toward the bar door, pulling out your phone to text the only person you knew wasn’t busy. Sadly for you it was the man you were lamenting over, Changbin.

Y/N: Binnnieeee mdrubk at thebrar! Can yougettmeeee!!!

BinBin: Oh God you’re wasted aren’t you? Send me your location princess. I'm on my way.

*Y/N began sharing location!*

Y/N: Thabj yuu BinBin lobe yoi!

In his apartment Changbin clutched his phone tighter to his chest. Lobe yoi filled his vision, he knew you meant to type “love you” which could be a platonic sign of affection but it could also mean you returned his feelings. As he gathered his keys with a new pep in his step and hope in his heart he hoped sober Y/N would admit the truth even if it broke his heart.

You slumped on a bench just outside the bar and waited for Changbin to pick you up. He has let you know he was about ten minutes away and to stay out under the street lamps so he could see you. You sat on your phone and had gotten comfortable on the bench, that was until a group of drunken twenty-somethings crossed your path and set their sights on you.

“Hey gorgeous! What’s ya name?” One called out as he swaggered towards you. You saw the soju bottle in his hands and glowered at his arrogant approach. You hated drunken entitled men more than you hated how the interns jammed the printers every day.

“What’s it to ya?” You spit out and looked at your phone, Changbin was about three minutes away according to his last text from a red light.

“Well my friends and I hate the idea of a beautiful lady such as yourself out here in these dangerous streets alone! Join us for some ramen honey!” He smirked and held his hand out towards you. You were growing more annoyed by the second and just flipped him off and told him to get lost. His smirk changed to a sneer as he grasped your wrist and tugged you upwards to stand in front of him. His friends began to circle in around you. “You really should be kinder to strangers sweetheart, you’re playing a dangerous game.” You sobered up and began to panic when you heard a car door slam shut behind you. Your worst fear of being kidnapped was about to come true, you scrambled for your phone and bag as the men grew closer. Your heart pounded with a roar of blood flow flooding your ears.

“Y/N! Baby I was so worried!” Changbin’s voice brought a wave of comfort over you as he wrenched your wrist from the other male’s grip. Your head whipped toward him and tears flooded your eyes. He wrapped his arms around you and placed a comforting kiss on your temple. “Play along.” He whispered into your hair. “Don’t run off like that again angel, you had me worried sick! I know the cat outside the bar was cute but we don’t just go off to pet it.” You glare at him with an expression that screamed “are you fucking kidding me?” but chose to stamp your foot and begin sadly playing along.You wanted to kick his shin and curse him out. Instead you acted like the ditzy girlfriend to the caring and cautious boyfriend Changbin portrayed to the group of leering drunk men. The group of men tried to make some derogatory remarks about you being out for the taking but Changbin subtly flexed as he grabbed your waist to hold you close as he played the role of comforting boyfriend. As soon as the group of men had wandered off he brought you to the car and made sure you were unharmed. He buckled you in, wiped the tears that had unknowingly fallen from your eyes. He reached across the console of the car and smiled at you as you put some music on the radio and sent him a thankful smile. It took several assurances that you were alright before he began to drive toward your apartment building.

“Y/Nnie, would you like some food before I get you home?” He asks over the music filling in as background noise to the ride home. You nod and demand the most comforting meal of all, McDonalds. Soon enough a bag is housed on the console between you both as you split nuggets, fries, and sodas. You start to sober up and feel a grin crossing your features as you look at him. You can’t help but notice how your heart thumps against your chest, how you smile every time he’s near, the curve of his jaw, his nose bridge, his petal shaped lips, his twinkling eyes, just how beautiful he is.

“Do I have french fry on my face?” He asked with genuine concern.

“Oh no! You’re just so pretty.” You slap a hand over your lips and he chuckles at your embarrassment. “I said that out loud didn’t I”

“You did beautiful girl, you did just say that outloud.” He waggled his eyebrows toward you trying to defuse the tension.

“Beautiful girl? Me? Huh?” You point to yourself and give him a look of astonishment and shake your head. “You sure you’re not the drunk one Bin?”

“I am as sober as ever. Now my angel, let's try this all again tomorrow when you are sober, if you mean what you said I’ll take you on the best date of your life.” He smiles and escorts you to your door, refusing to leave until you give him a playful glare filled kiss on the cheek.

The following morning you find yourself spending time on your daily routine, and spending more time on your makeup and hair than you usually would. One call from Changbin later and you are sitting at a table mimosa in hand, blushing at every single compliment he gives you. He cleans the whole secret admirer debacle and house and really just wanted a chance to get to know you beyond your mutual friendship with Iris and work environment. Soon enough brunch turns into lunch, turns into dinner, and it was only when your very irritated waiter informs you both that the restaurant is about to close that you finally leave. The two of you continue to go on similar dates where they seem to last forever. All the while Iris is delighted that you have finally found some sort of happiness. You and your resident Hercules become sort of a powerhouse couple among your coworkers, your scary glares work well to defend your work family from irrational clients and Changbin’s angelic smile does well to ease these clients into a proper meeting dynamic. Your dichotomy of your begrudging smiles and his over the top declarations of adoration make those around you chuckle. Iris and Jeongin couldn’t help but smile at the two of you, knowing their friends had found their perfect match. Unfortunately for your bosses though, Changbin was less apt to complete his work insisting he was now your assistant and was “helping” you but in reality he would lean over your shoulder and admire you as you worked.

But, for what it’s worth at least out loud you would say you were in love. Your hero didn’t need to slay a hydra to win your heart nor did he have to pull you from the River Styx he just had to be himself and help you break down your walls.

The End

A/N: if you made it this far and liked this piece consider giving me a follow! Please leave a comment on what you liked :) Tumblr’s algorithm runs off of reblogs so if you think more people should see this and give it a read please consider reblogging!!

Other information: SKZ and other idols I write about (future other groups to come as I get into their dynamics more) are not to be characterized by the personalities in the pieces I write nor should their actions in my works reflect any actions they may take IRL. Think of their names and likenesses being used as a face and name claim to a fictional character.

Please remember I do not want anything I write to be translated or posted onto other platforms! If you want to translate my work contact me directly for permission and give me credit.

[henrysglock]

Alice/El parallels??? PLEASE elaborate

Oh girl they are SO heavy-handed with the Alice-El parallels in this show, both in the plot and in the casting...This is gonna be a long one because I have so much to say.

You see. They have three whole actresses to play Alice, all of them around age 10. They are not averse to hiring child actors for bit parts. And yet when we get to Henry and El's closing lab scene? They just re-use Alice's actress. Every time. Henry sings TYBTM at Alice after the attic scene with Virginia, and then the next time we hear it sung is Henry to...Alice in a different outfit. Insane 2 me. Do I understand it from a practical standpoint? Sure. Still insane to me.

They also both seem to fill the same role in Henry's life, just in wildly different scenarios. Virginia claims Victor was never the same after the war, and we see him drinking to cope...a lot. We see a scene of him arguing with Virginia about Henry, she's clearly having a Moment about whatever's "wrong" with him/trying to tell Victor it's too soon for Henry to be back in school after he "put that boy in a wheelchair" back in Nevada. Victor basically dismisses her outright, and does so continually throughout the rest of the first half of TFS. Virginia's definitely not getting what she needs from him as a partner.

Thus, Henry seems to have stepped into (read: been forced into) that role of "partner/male caregiver", definitely for Virginia in the vein of attention/affection/emotional regulation...but also possibly for Alice, since Victor seems to be drunk all the time. I can't say more about that aspect with full certainty because we don't see much of Henry and Alice alone together.

However, Henry ends up in a very similar position with Brenner. Brenner initially claims that he and Henry will be like "father and son"...smash cut to the end of the play, wherein Brenner tells Henry he's "as much of a father to this family as [he is]", only to then tell Henry he thinks he's ready to meet his "siblings" (read: the lab children).

Exactly like it was in the Creel household, Henry's put in this parentified sibling/caregiver position...just a touch more literally this time. Thus El is to Henry as Alice was to Henry: A younger sister, but also a daughter in many regards.

This is exemplified through the use of TYBTM (the dead parent song), with Henry singing that to Alice while coming off his "Are you jealous [of Patty]?" fight with Virginia, only to have Henry sing it again, this time to El in the lab with Brenner...Brenner who is notably possessive of Henry and behaves like a jealous husband irt: Patty.

I had said way, way back in the day (late 2022) that El and Alice filled similar roles in Henry's life, and that Henry's motivations for helping El escape HNL stem not only from his care for her as an individual/a family member irt the lab itself, but also from having a second chance at saving his baby sister. "Making up for" Alice being caught in the crossfire in 1959, if you will.

There's also a more tenuous bit that I've touched on before irt the HNL escape and the massacre monologue in 4.07...one that comes up in TFS with both Patty and Alice irt Henry that I'll stick under the cut.

There's a point in the 4.07 monologue where El's reaction to the whole thing completely switches...like she's had a realization about "Henry". It specifically happens when "Henry" requests that El "join him". She goes from terrified and grieving to closed off/resistant like a switch flipped in her brain...like he said something, specifically, that made her go "You're not him".

Alice says that, verbatim, when she runs up to the attic to see what the commotion is irt Henry and Virginia. The dialogue between Alice and Possessed Henry in the doorway of the attic goes:

"Where's Henry?" (scared) "He's...right here." "You're not Henry. You're not him." (closed off/resistant) "...Run."

Which is almost exactly the vibe the massacre monologue scene has, just minus the "he's right here" dead giveaway. An edited version of Alice's lines fit perfectly over El's reaction to to the 4.07 monologue.

Where this becomes especially interesting is the way Henry and El's previous chess scene conversation has direct dialogue parallels to Henry and Patty just before the attic attack:

In which Henry tries to lay down some ground rules in anticipation of things going wrong irt the Shadow. Henry's warning Patty that he'll help her, but it's dangerous. He goes on to try to tell her about Nevada, about the Shadow, but he's cut off by a Vecna clock chime.

I'm thinking Alice, by virtue of just being around Henry all the time, can tell when he's not himself, and she knows to do exactly as he says when things go wrong: Run. "Run", coincidentally, being exactly what Henry tells Patty to do when the Shadow attacks in the attic.

I'm wondering if, in the missing scene where Henry tells El to meet him in the boiler room, Henry gave El some kind of trigger, an "If I ask you to join me, it's not me anymore" type deal, without any added explanation, much the same as he did with Patty.

On a tangential note: Henry's response to the Shadow attacks is very much giving "Run, Hide, Fight" (the active shooter mantra in US schools)...particularly so in 4.07. Run: Leave HNL via the tunnel. Hide: Stay put in the store room/closet until the attack is over. Fight: The Rainbow Room fight. It also shows up in TFS, though, with Henry trying repeatedly to make people leave when an attack is coming on. "Go to bed, Virginia", "Run", "Patty! You have to run!", "Get her out of here!", etc. And it never progresses past running in TFS, since things tend to spiral out of control far more quickly and in much more confined spaces.