#makes content about DID or OSDD: does this count?

[planetarymetals]

woohoo! we got a bingo! :~) elaboration for all the "?"s in tags

We love filling out DID FAKER bingo cards it's so fun sjsksjjsjsjs

(some of the stuff is genuinely ableist-)

[banewhyse]

REQUEST & COMMISSION INFORMATION

'ello! here's all the information you need before you DM me for a commission or send me an ask for a drabble/request!

requests and commissions are slightly different (:

REQUESTS

requests are free and please use the ask box instead of DMs for these!

you can use requests for things like oneshots, and unless you ask really politely and i cave in, oneshots will not receive another part!

requests are 100% free but will take a bit more time than commissions

please use the ask box and not DMs for a request

requests will ONLY go on Tumblr (so if you see a request (not a commission) on another platform, report it/send it to me)

you cannot take credit for writing a request, if it's not obvious.

COMMISSIONS

commissions can be oneshots, drabbles, or full fics (price of the commission will vary depending on how many parts) that can receive multiple parts!

commissions are NOT free, and i will probably not extend an exception if you are not a friend. so don't ask for a free commission.

i do not accept time limits (the max a multichapter fic is gonna get is like 3 months)

i accept word count minimums, but i can cap it if it's 9k+ (i'll charge like a literal extra dollar for it. gotta keep the ranboo sub renewals going.)

use DMs and not the ask box for commissions.

commissions can go on either Tumblr, ao3, or both. they will not go on Wattpad or any other platform. report if you see a commission on another platform.

even if you paid for the commission, you may NOT take credit for it.

PAYMENT INFORMATION AND MORE

if you commission a fic or wish to tip me for a request (which would absolutely be optional) i will DM the payment info to you.

i take payment before writing, and if i cannot finish the commission, i will pay you back fully.

i use cashapp as i am a minor and can't do anything else. if you do not have a way to pay me through cashapp, do not commission me (:

GUIDELINES/BEFORE YOU COMMISSION...

some important things to consider before you DM me or request in the ask box

i have the right to refuse service to whoever i want. (ex: boundary breakers, zoophiles, queerphobics, ableists, racists, and more)

i will not refuse service for someone being: an age regressor, a furry, queer, POC, part of a DID/OSDD system, neurodivergent, etc,.

i will not write smut about anyone.

i will not write ship content for those uncomfortable with it.

i will write major character death, violence, etc,.

i will not write on any platforms that are not ao3 or Tumblr.

you may request to be let in on the google doc (view-only) after commissioning or requesting to see the progress in real-time, but some things i won't use a google doc for and will just write on Tumblr (ex: a short drabble)

deadlines are a no. i'll work on my own time (:

i have the right to say no to writing a ship if i'm uncomfortable doing so

i have the right to say no to writing any ship content if i don't feel like it

you have the right to cancel a request or postpone me posting it

CCS AND AUS I WILL WRITE ABOUT ON REQUEST

characters (you can choose duos from groups, like for example, from SBI, you can choose bedrockbros instead of SBI as a whole)

SBI (will only write ship content for Phil and Kristin for obvious reasons)

beeduo (platonic & queerplatonic content only)

TNTDuo (platonic & queerplatonic content only)

Niki Nihachu (platonic content only)

RanbooLive (the Live makes it sound fancier and more professional) (platonic content only)

The_Eret (platonic content only)

AUs (you can combine them too!) (does not cost any extra)

royalty

fae

deity/gods/goddesses

angels

demons

elves

fairies

vampires

werewolves

shapeshifter

mer people

hybrids

witches

ghosts

humans (but not irl AU, sorry!)

INFORMATION YOU NEED OR RECOMMENDED TO GIVE ME

if i can add extra characters (such as for sbi, kristin) and who

word count minimum, leave blank if i can do whatever

if submitting on ao3, your ao3 username

if requesting a free work on anon, a name or emoji to refer to you as (optional)

if you want it to be angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, etc,.

a general scenario

what AU you want

the duo, group, or person you want it to be about

happy ending, sad ending, bittersweet ending, vague ending, etc,.

i may add or remove things to this list, so check it frequently before requesting/commissioning!

have fun commissioning/requesting! this took like an hour to type out /srs

[circulars-reasoning]

Nobody Is Inherently Evil

While this post is tagged syscourse, that does not mean I am looking for an argument. This post can be reblogged by anyone, and is open for debate and educational discussions. It is directed at the community at large as more and more persecutor content comes into play (and as we see the term malicitor being used again).

TL;DR: There is no such thing as a malicitor. There is no such thing an an inherently evil persecutor. Persecutors are part of you, and pretending otherwise is making things worse.

TW: sui ideation, intrusive thoughts, depression, food poisoning and vomit mentions

Let’s begin with this idea of “malicitors.” Simply put, they are alters who “only exist to be hurtful, both to the body and to others.” This, frankly, is bullshit. The idea here is that they have no redeeming value, or that they are inherently just evil for the sake of being evil.

Nobody is inherently evil. That’s not a thing. There is always a reason why someone is shitty. That reason may be related to upbringing, trauma, health - a whole slew of thing could make someone a shitty person. But that doesn’t mean just labeling someone as a shitty person - particularly in the case of an alter - is the right step towards healing.

Alters are you. I’m DID/OSDD, your alters are pieces of you. If you have a seemingly “evil” alter, than the first thing you have to acknowledge is that calling them evil means calling yourself evil. Why would you be doing that? What about their actions is evil?

The claim I see the most is “my persecutors are harming those I love.” And. Yeah? That. Makes perfect sense. Let me tell you about our persecutor, Debra, to shed some light on that.

Debra started out in an odd way. I introjected this idea my friend had started me on: “personify your depression and talk to it.” At first, that’s all it was. But as my depression got worse, and I started realizing I was suicidal, Debra formed. And she was a persecutor through and through.

She told me daily how worthless I was. How useless. How I was just a sick girl pretending to be special so I could feel something, and how the world would be better without me. She purposely did things to make my abusive situation worse. She would purposely do things that would upset my parents, which made the abuse I was facing worse. She pushed away my friends, because “you don’t deserve good people in your life. You’re too worthless to deserve nice things.”

When confronted about why she did this, she always said “You made me. You wanted this. I want this, because I think it’s funny. All I want is for you to die.” And well. On the surface, that sounds like a malicitor, or an “evil persecutor,” right? She just had so much fun being a shitty person that she couldn’t stop.

She’s now reformed. Now, the process in which she became reformed is a lengthy one, involving more things that have gotten me fakeclaimed than I can count. But let’s sum it up here with: there was a lot of symbolic bullshit, she went into dormancy for a few years, ALL my alters went dormant for a few years, and then she came back in college, full force.

But once I was in college, I wasn’t alone anymore. I had a very stubborn friend who dedicated too much time to me and sacrificed her own mental health to get me in a better place. Without her, I don’t think I ever would’ve survived college, and I am eternally grateful for everything she ever did for me. One of the biggest things she did was change Debbie.

Debra continued her normal bullshit - keeping me unstable, making me want to kill myself even more, trying to damage my friendships. But now, she had someone constantly pushing back against her. And here’s the thing. This might not work for every system, but you know what worked for us?

Calling her out on her bullshit.

I am NEVER suggesting that you need to be gentle with your persecutors. Quite the opposite, in fact - sometimes, I believe getting on their level and being a bitch right back is the best method. That’s how it worked for Debra. After Debra lied to my friend specifically to try and get her to hate us, said friend cornered her in a room and forced her to sit through a conversation about respecting our system while Debbie was going through food poisoning. She had to keep running to the bathroom to vomit, before marching herself straight back to my friend for “and another thing, why are you such a bitch?”

It was sheer torture for Debra. She had never had anyone speak to her like that. She had never had anyone turn her words back on her. After all, Debra was perfect, right? But she wasn’t. She never was. Because she was just a part of me that hated myself. And if she was part of me, that just meant… she hated herself too.

After that, things started to turn around. I’m not saying it was perfect - but now, the system as a whole understood what was happening. Anytime she insulted us, we turned around and said “you really feel that way about yourself?” And she would get so mad, because CLEARLY she was talking about us. But she’s part of this system too!! Eventually, she even caused us to split a new alter due to her ramping up her abuse of us. And, well… he went immediately dormant, because she was so horrible.

That really made her realize how horrible she was being, and why. She DID hate herself - she was lashing out and pushing people away because she was scared of confronting that feeling. If she used me (Rice) as her punching bag, then she wasn’t beating up on herself. But now, she could see just how badly she was damaging the system - damaging herself.

She sees us now as a support system. All of us are supporting each other, and that’s so incredible. What she saw as my weaknesses before, she now sees are signs of my strength. The cracks in this support beam show how much work I’ve put in, and she reminds me often how “you’d be an idiot to think you’re weak, stop being an idiot and admit how strong you are.” Notice how she’s still insulting? That’s okay. That’s our dynamic now, and I’ve found that’s what helps me. And if it becomes too much, Numb (our protector) comes in and tells her to cool it. AND SHE LISTENS!

Because now, we’ve recognized she’s a part of us, just as much as she’s recognized we’re part of her. And that’s the kicker; she really changed when she was accepted. No, we didn’t accept her behavior - we just showed her that, regardless of her actions, she’s part of us, and we love ourselves, so she, too, is loved unconditionally. Once she saw that, and once we understood that ourselves, things healed in our system. We grew.

This brings me to my last point. Pretending that any part of you is inherently evil will never help you heal. It will always be damaging to your health. So why are you still doing it? More than likely, it’s because you have yet to work through your shit. And that’s valid - healing doesn’t happen immediately. It takes time. But you need to recognize that spreading the idea that “oh my alter is Just Evil and I cant change that” is not only damaging you, but others. That’s the sort of ideals that led to us hurting Debra in the past. Which led to more insys problems and trauma.

There are no inherently evil alters. Either work through your shit, or keep it private if you’re not ready to work through it yet. Either way, don’t spread this idea that persecutors can just be Evil for Evil’s Sake. Nobody is. And suggesting that they are is going to demonize them, whether you were aiming to or not.

[thefandominator]

Mostly From Memory

But what was most concerning was that more than half of the drawings were of Draco Malfoy.

Malfoy, asleep on Parkinson’s shoulder on a couch in the Eighth-Year common room. Malfoy, mid-conversation with Zabini at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. Malfoy, soaring through the air in the middle of a quidditch match. Malfoy, seemingly being told off by Madam Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks. Malfoy, working alone at a desk in the library. Malfoy, half asleep in History of Magic. Malfoy, reading in his bed in this very dorm room. Malfoy, Malfoy, Malfoy.

Bewildered, Harry said lowly, “What is all this?”

Or, Harry finds that someone has been obsessively drawing pictures of Malfoy and he has no clue who it could be. Or does he?

AO3 version linked here if you’d prefer.

Pairings: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy | Harry Potter & Original Characters

Word count: 2332

Rating: Teen And Up

Warnings: Harry Potter has Dissociative Identity Disorder | Mild Language

Notes: so apparently making AUs of my favourite characters where they have DID is my niche now. sorry this isn't an update on spidey, but i hope someone finds enjoyment in this one! title is not the best but whatchu gonna do.  constructive criticism is welcome (especially if you have DID/OSDD and notice some inaccuracies), and likes, comments and reblogs are highly encouraged!  no content warnings that i can think of, but let me know if there's something you think i should warn for

When Harry Potter walked into his dormitory that afternoon after an outing in Hogsmeade, the first and only thing he noticed was that Draco Malfoy was standing next to Harry’s bed. He knew that sharing a dormitory with that git would be a terrible idea. What business Malfoy had at Harry’s bed, Harry had no idea, but he wasn’t going to stand around and wait for Malfoy to tell him.

He stormed forward and pulled on Malfoy’s arm to turn him around.

“What the hell are you doing, Malfoy?”

Malfoy’s eyes were as wide as saucers and his mouth was moving like a goldfish’s.

Harry fought the urge to shake Malfoy into answering him. “Well?”

Malfoy visibly pulled himself together, his spine straightening to his full height. Malfoy was only about 3 inches taller than Harry, but Malfoy loved to lord those 3 inches over him.

“I should like to ask you the same question, Potter. What’s all this about?” Malfoy used his free arm to gesture to the spot on the bed he’d just been in front of.

“All what ab–” Harry turned his head towards the bed and took in the mess of pages and pages of drawings scattered across his bedsheets.

Each one was more beautiful and intricate than the last. Some were of landscapes; Harry recognised the Great Lake, and the tree he usually sits under near the quidditch pitch, and the Shrieking Shack. Some were of interiors; one showed the floating candles in the Great Hall, while another showed Sir Cadogan and the Fat Lady in a portrait by the Grand Staircase. Many of them were of Harry’s friends; Luna was wearing her Gryffindor hat while it was mid-roar, Hermione was by the fire in the Eighth-Year common room with her nose in a book, Ron was mid-flight on Harry’s Firebolt. There were even various drawings of people Harry didn’t recognise. A few of them were in full colour, others were in black and white gradients, and still others were doodled line drawings. Several of them had been hit with a spell to make their contents come alive.

But what was most concerning was that more than half of them were of Draco Malfoy.

Malfoy, asleep on Parkinson’s shoulder on a couch in the Eighth-Year common room. Malfoy, mid-conversation with Zabini at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. Malfoy, soaring through the air in the middle of a quidditch match. Malfoy, seemingly being told off by Madam Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks. Malfoy, working alone at a desk in the library. Malfoy, half asleep in History of Magic. Malfoy, reading in his bed in this very dorm room. Malfoy, Malfoy, Malfoy.

Harry felt that his face was likely a perfect mirror of what Malfoy’s had looked like moments ago. Eyes wide open and mouth not sure if it needed to be open or closed.

Bewildered, Harry said lowly, “What is all this?”

“You tell me, Potter. What is it doing on your bed?” Malfoy demanded.

“I don’t know! I didn’t put it there!”

“Well, those are your very used art supplies, aren’t they? Are you telling me someone planted all of this?”

And there. Harry loathed to admit it, but Malfoy was right. Harry’s engraved box of coloured pencils was sitting open at the foot of his bed. He could identify them as belonging to him even though he didn’t remember them being that severely used. He was pretty sure he hadn’t used them since the week after he had received the birthday gift from Ginny.

And yet. Here was the evidence that they had indeed been used.

“Malfoy, I didn’t draw these. I’m not obsessed–” He cut himself off because he wasn’t sure whether what would come out next would be a lie. “I have no idea who–” He cut himself off again because. Did he have no idea who drew them?

He fell silent.

A few weeks before coming back to Hogwarts for his Eighth Year, Harry decided it was time to see a muggle psychologist. He knew he couldn’t tell them everything, for Statute of Secrecy reasons, but he didn’t want anyone in the wizarding world to know that he’d been losing time and forgetting things for as long as he could remember. He was their great Boy Who Lived Twice and it seemed nobody could shut up about him enough to leave well enough alone and keep secrets secret.

After opening up to Ron and Hermione about it though, Hermione was adamant he did something about it. It took some convincing on her part, but she eventually got him to agree, citing that then was as good a time as any since the war was over and the trials were complete. And that’s where he got the diagnosis.

Dissociative Identity Disorder.

He wasn’t the only one in his brain.

He wasn’t proud of the meltdown he’d had after hearing the news. He’d just gotten rid of one arsehole living in his head, but it turns out Voldemort wasn’t alone? And the others weren’t going anywhere? Of course he was pissed.

But after calming down a bit, and talking about coping mechanisms with his therapist, he spent the next few weeks slowly starting to interact with some of his alters. And he could begrudgingly admit, most of them weren’t half bad. It wasn’t turning out to be anything like having Voldemort in his head because the ones he’d met actively wanted to help him, in whatever (oftentimes misguided) way they could.

So. He was dealing.

That didn’t mean it didn’t still throw him off whenever he remembered that his alters could live full lives in his body without him knowing.

And that was the only logical explanation for these drawings in front of him. Foley had mentioned to Harry when they were first introduced that he liked art, but the topic hadn’t come up since then.

Until now.

It looked like Foley had been quite busy.

“Foley!” Harry called into his head.

“Potter?” Malfoy said.

Right. He first had to deal with an angry Malfoy. What would be the best way to get him to drop this?

“Fine. You’re right, Malfoy.” That should do the trick. “I did draw these.” Merlin, the things he had to do for these people in his brain.

Speaking of, he felt someone’s presence enter the headspace.

“You– What?” Malfoy sputtered. And then he seemed to compose himself. “Well, of course I’m right.”

“Harry? What’s going on?” Foley enquired.

“Why are you drawing pictures of me, Potter? And why are there so many?” Malfoy probed.

“Er…” Harry stalled.

“Why are we drawing so many pictures of Malfoy, Foley?” he asked.

Foley seemed to take in what was going on, and his shocked and distinctly guilty reply was, “Oh! Um. So you found those.”

“Yes, I found them. And more urgently, Malfoy found them,” Harry replied imploringly.

“Potter, are you still obsessed with me?” Malfoy said before Foley could come up with a response.

That is not the conclusion he wanted Malfoy to jump to. But, wait, ‘still’? “‘Still’? What do you mean ‘still’?”

“Which part of the ‘still’ are you confused by? The past obsession or the current obsession?”

“The– the all of it! I am not and have never been obsessed with you, Malfoy,” Harry said through gritted teeth.

“Really? Then what’s your explanation for all the staring and following around that you did most of Sixth-Year?”

“That wasn’t–” He couldn’t get the word ‘me’ out. Because, okay, a lot of it had been him. Malfoy was being genuinely suspicious in that year. But he’d also recently figured out that a lot of the Malfoy trailing and ogling over the years had actually been the fault of some of his other alters. “That– Whatever, Malfoy. It doesn’t matter.”

He turned back to the bed and started picking up the drawings and piling them up, with a drawing of Hermione at the top, like hiding away the topic of this conversation would end the conversation entirely.

“I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable. I’ll stop drawing you, alright?” he said out loud.

“Right, Foley?” he said in his head.

“Ugh, fine, whatever,” Foley huffed, put upon.

Harry rolled his eyes. Foley was such a teenager. Never mind that Harry had also said ‘whatever’ not even a minute ago. When Foley said it, it really showed that he was only fifteen.

“You– You haven’t made me uncomfortable, Potter.” Malfoy said it like Harry had forced him into it. “It would take a lot more than some measly drawings to make me uncomfortable. I haven’t even seen you do these. I’m more confused that you’d managed to catch me unawares in so many places than uncomfortable that you did it in the first place.”

“Right. Well.” Harry didn’t know where to go from here. He occupied himself with tapping the bottom of the pages to the uneven surface of the bed in an attempt to straighten out the pile.

“How have you been managing to watch me so covertly?” Malfoy seemed genuinely perplexed.

Harry didn’t know how to answer that question. Had Foley been using the Cloak? He placed the drawings down and busied himself with cleaning up the pencils.

“I do them mostly from memory,” Foley gave Harry the answer he needed.

“Er– I do them mostly from memory,” Harry dutifully repeated.

“What?” Malfoy stepped up beside him and picked up the pile of drawings, paging through them, presumably to find the ones of himself. “Now I know you’re bullshitting, Potter. You are not this observant. Let alone the fact that you would remember this much detail. Look, you were even accurate with the scar under my ear in this one.”

Harry snatched the drawings right out of Malfoy’s hands while he felt Foley’s delight go through him in waves.

“I thought they were ‘measly drawings’, Malfoy?” Harry mimicked.

“Well–” That seemed to stop him short. “Well, the ones with me in them are tolerable, for obvious reasons.”

“Right. Thanks for the glowing commendation, Malfoy,” Harry said with no inflection in his voice. “If you could just leave me and my drawings alone now, that would be fantastic. I promise you don’t have to worry about me making any more of you.” He started towards his trunk with his haul of drawings and the pencil box.

He could feel Foley’s contempt in waves of the same amplitude that his joy had been.

“You don’t have to stop drawing me.” Harry whirled around and caught Malfoy’s expression clearly showing that he was as surprised as Harry was that Malfoy had said that.

“I don’t?” Harry said.

“I don’t?” Foley parroted.

Malfoy collected himself and raised his nose in the air. “You don’t. Far be it from me to have any say in what you do with your pathetic life, Potter. If what you want to do in your free time is preoccupy yourself with my appearance, have at it. I know it can be quite irresistible. In fact.” Malfoy seemed to perk up as an idea struck him. Harry hated where this might lead. “Why don’t we see what you can do when your muse is right in front of you. When you return from dinner tonight, I will sit still so that you can draw me properly.”

Harry was stunned.

Foley was ecstatic.

“Malfoy, you just called me pathetic and now you want me to draw you. I think I’ll pass, thanks.”

Foley was swiftly teetering towards furious. “What are you doing, Harry!”

“No, Potter. Why am I not surprised you weren’t paying attention.” Malfoy shook his head in disappointment. “I didn’t call you pathetic. I called your life pathetic. Which is where I come in to turn it all around.” He made a sweeping gesture at himself.

“Please say yes, Harry, please just say yes,” Foley begged. “You have literally nothing to lose. You won’t even be there. I will. Please just let me draw him.”

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Fine.” How was Harry agreeing to this. Merlin, the things he did for his alters.

“You had better not dip out, Foley.” They were getting better as a system with managing who should front and when but there were still some hiccups.

“You think I’d want to miss this?”

“Excellent. I’ll see you back here later then, Potter.” Malfoy turned towards the door with a flourish.

“Right. See you then, Malfoy.” Harry tried to keep the grumble out of his voice.

He heard the door shut behind him as he stared down at the drawing of Malfoy at the top of the pile that he still hadn’t put into his trunk yet.

It really was a beautiful drawing. This one was a still of Malfoy alone, sitting in front of the fire in the common room. Foley had indeed picked up on details that Harry himself hadn’t consciously been aware were a part of Malfoy. The light scar beneath his right ear, the minuscule mole just above his collar. Foley had even managed to get the wisps of blond hair to reflect the firelight flawlessly. And the grey of Malfoy’s eyes had intermingled with the moving flames to end up with a collage of silvers and reds and oranges.

“This is really incredible, Foley,” Harry whispered into the silent room.

“He is, right?” Foley answered.

It was only after a few moments had passed where Harry stared into Drawing-Malfoy’s eyes that he realised what Foley had said.

Harry was about to correct him, when he discovered that he didn’t really know what he’d refute that with.

He put the drawings and pencils away, and took off his outer robe – the almost forgotten reason he’d come to his dormitory in the first place. Then he made his way out of the room, heading to the Great Hall for dinner, all the while dreading what he knew would come after.

What was he getting himself into?

Notes: i couldn't write the word 'muse' without thinking of unca jahms, and now i've got u thinking of it too. it's only fair.  leave a like, comment or rb if u wanna! love you for reading! xx

[marshmallowprotection]

You've probably received an ask like this before, but do you have any specific thoughts/headcanons for Ray Route AE, in regards to the twins, as well as Saeran and MC's relationship? And what I mean by that is... do you think Saeran would have an easier time (even just slightly) getting over his hatred for his brother than he does in 707 Route SE? How would they interact? Would it be similar to how many people interpret their interactions for after the SEs (brotherly love-hate type deal), except maybe toned down a little?

And as for Saeran and MC, I'm not so much referring to the contents of their relationship, but Saeyoung's reaction to it, how he feels about it, etc.

I hope this makes sense, because I love the way you explain things and I would love to hear your thoughts on these ^^

[417]

Hopefully, Cheritz will give us a canon answer soon. I’ve definitely had the time to compare the two of them since I spend so much time in Saeran’s headspace playing around with this and that. Now, if we compare the events of the Secret Ending and the events of Ray Route, Saeran is in a very different headspace by a long shot. His place in his life is also drastically different. Unknown spent two more years in Mint Eye than GE Saeran did. There’s a vast difference between 6 months of being trapped and two years of being trapped. 

Both Suit Saeran and Ray were long buried in Unknown’s consciousness with no MC around to keep them tethered to the front. It was only a matter of time until either of them couldn’t function with what Rika did. I view Unknown to be another personality that split from Suit Saeran after some point during that two year period. Unknown and Suit Saeran have some things in common but they don’t read to be the same person to me. 

SE Saeran is just Unknown post-therapy and confrontation with Saeyoung, so I don’t see them as separate people, but the same person just in different eras of life. I’ve got a whole other people I could make about how it’s possible that Ray could flood back to the surface in therapy, as well as Suit Saeran, but they may not have the same names by that point. That’s more so just a big post on the way that their system works and how all of them cope with their trauma. 

But that wasn’t your question, but I’d be glad to answer that too at some point if you’re curious! Some people are torn on if Saeran has DID or OSDD specifically, and that’s a whole other topic. Anyways, back to the task at hand, SE Saeran in question went through literal hell for a very long time. He is fraught with so much anger and pain. He physically lashed out at Saeyoung and took weeks if not a few months to truly come to terms with what happened. He has to live with blood on his hands as well. 

We all know that SE Saeran tried to get rid of himself and Saeyoung, too. His emotional crisis is a strong one. He’s hurting so much until Saeyoung can get through to him and they can start to heal. It wasn’t easy. It was a fucking mess and that’s how life is. After what they went through? It’s wrong to assume that it would be simple or without pain and tears. Even after the Secret Ending comes to a close and we see Saeran with everyone, he looks so tired. His emotional state isn’t healed. He’s going to be dealing with panic attacks and much of the lingering PTSD for years to come. Saeyoung will as well. 

It’s going to be a constant battle for them. 

But, they’re both trying and the MC, as well as the RFA, are going to be there to help, which is great. A good support system is important but that’s also going to be messy because... well, you know, the truth wasn’t completely revealed to all of the RFA and that’s a ticking timebomb in itself. Saeran’s got issues trusting and being around much of the RFA. He can’t be around Yoosung or Jumin for obvious reasons. 

Either way, the Secret Ending has a lot of weight to it and it’s going to hurt just as much as it can get better for the Choi boys. Saeyoung believes that things can get better, and he’s willing and ready to stand by his brother to fight for their happiness. You know how much turmoil Saeyoung went through because we watched it. We know that he’s willing to do whatever he has to do for the ones that he loves. 

Even if it feels like pulling teeth. 

Now, thinking about what happens in Ray Route, we see the boys past revealed to the world with a direct attack. Saeran is able to realize that he was lied to and manipulated by the people that were supposed to take care of him. He is able to find out on his own that he needs to leave Magenta if he truly wants to be happy and free from his chains. We watch him be so damn strong and turn against the brainwashing and gaslighting. What he did should not be glossed over because going against your abuser is not easy. 

I was so proud of him for learning that for himself. He says himself that MC isn’t the one that got to him completely. It was a combination of factors that allowed him to see it. From how Ray was treated to how Saeran is treated, how they are promised things, and how those things are taken away. How it just didn’t make sense that Rika was disrespecting him and taking away everything. Nothing at all made sense anymore. She said one thing and did another. He decided to fight it even though it made him feel sick. 

You can watch his actions on the last day. How talking about Mint Eye as a bad place makes him gasp and choke, and whenever he tries to give his brother a chance... well, you see how he acts when you’re still holding onto your phone so tightly, asking him to take a chance on the RFA. He nearly has a panic attack when he tries to even say that he should look into it, much less talk to the RFA about it. He knows that he’s been tricked but he’s bouncing between what he has been told and what he’s trying to learn. 

That’s not an easy process. Saeran is going to be dealing with a lot after the events of his ending that we know of. The sudden fusion of Saeran and Ray can actually happen, I know some people feel like that was out of the blue but that can very well happen whether they make the conscious choice to do that or not and it was the best thing for the body at that time. GE Saeran isn’t Ray and he isn’t Suit Saeran, he’s not the two of them smashed together and he’s not one or the other. He’s someone made up of those parts but also his own person. Again, that’s a whole other thing that I’d have to get into here. 

Saeran has a lot to deal with as far as his trauma goes but you know what the difference is between GE Saeran and GE Saeran? GE Saeran had the choice to set himself free and SE Saeran had no choice. He was cornered like an animal and just... exploded. He was put in a position that he couldn’t decide. GE Saeran had the choice to leave Mint Eye on his own. That already makes the world of difference in his recovery. If we’re talking reasonably here, he definitely needs to start seeing someone to talk about what happened as soon as he feels ready to open up. 

So, he’s going to be spending a lot of time working on his problems and God knows how long it’s going to find Saeyoung so he’s likely to be making some good progress on his own. His relationship with the RFA is already pretty good compared to his counterpart as well. He gets along with everyone in the RFA, and he’s particularly close with Jumin, which makes sense given their natural wits. 

Now, therapy and getting a support system is good for Saeran. He’s got his MC as well with him. However, that doesn’t mean that he’s ready for Saeyoung to be back. When they find his brother... he’s going to need time and space for this to work. But, I imagine that he’s in a better headspace to handle it. He will tense up if Saeyoung hugs him and gets overwhelmed to see that his brother is alive after whatever he went through. Saeran will have to gently stop him and let him know that he needs time, he can’t handle all of this at once. Saeyoung needs to take it easy too. 

He’s got to react to the fact that he’s no longer bound by the agency and that he can live a life not hiding behind a mask. That’s going to be his own journey in itself that we could talk about for a while and I hope it doesn’t get glossed over because Saeyoung’s got a lot of his own woes to work on. So, don’t expect it to be perfect or anything here either. 

Saeran is able to breathe through the unease this time, but his MC will be there to hold his hand and help him speak to his brother about it. That first meeting is going to be a lot. It might trigger him, too. That would be the first time that Saeyoung is able to see that Saeran has someone that cares about him and that would be the selling point. If his brother is overwhelmed and scared and the one with him holds his hand and gently calms him, and removes him from the issue at hand, he’s sold. 

No hesitation. 

You protect Saeran, you show Saeyoung that you love Saeran, and that’s all he needs to see to trust you. He may not know all the details at that point but you can fucking count on him to be on board. He knows how to spot liars and people with bad intentions, and you don’t have that. 

He wouldn’t forget to tell you that, either. 

I think even more than that when he’s around the MC, he will notice how they just know when to touch Saeran’s hand and calm him. Saeran and his Mc have this silent communication. They don’t even really need words. They just look at each other and understand. That’s not something that is easily found in any relationship and when you see people that work in harmony you can’t help but smile. Saeyoung has hardly ever seen Saeran smile and you know when he sees it, he feels grateful that someone was there for Saeran when he couldn’t be there. 

There’s going to be guilt and other feelings in that but he’ll swallow that down. One more thing to add to his list of things to talk about when he’s ready to get his own help. 

Saeyoung and GE Saeran are going to interact slowly but surely. They’re going to be awkward... tense... maybe not angry, but there will be tight moments that feel overwhelming for both of them. Saeran might get angry and Saeyoung might be upset so there’s no avoiding a fight here and there but it may not be as violent as with SE Saeran and Saeyoung. Them getting to know each other is like getting to know a stranger... it’s been nearly a decade, they really don’t know each other at all. 

Sad as that is, it’s fun to get to know each other again. Saeyoung gets to learn things about his brother all the time and he writes that down, trying to make things right and make up for the past... Saeran swallowing back his shame and telling his brother that he’s not mad, and them just looking forward. It’s not always easy but I do think that GE Saeran and Saeyoung will have a different kind of relationship given purely from the fact that Saeran was allowed to choose recovery instead of being forced into it.