#makes Bobby feel like he's part of the story

[kiwiplaetzchen]

"We do so adore restricted areas, don't we?"

"We shouldn't go in there. Which is exactly why we should. Now take heed. There's a chance we could get caught."

[wanderingandfound]

So on one hand rereading all this MCU fic does make me wanna finish, edit, and publish the fic I had so much inspiration for back in, oh, summer of 2016. On the other hand, it turns out I just completely forgot about some characters from AoS, which is fine because I don't need them in my fic, but like this is just reminding me of how I don't really wanna rewatch that show.

[johanna-swann]

You know, sometimes I think we as a fandom completely misjudge Buck when it comes to romantic things. In fanon he's often depicted as this clueless guy who needs to be hit in the face with a pick-up line before he notices someone's advances, but then again he's a really thoughtful and attentive partner who talks about his own feelings freely once he gets into a relationship. And then I look at canon Buck and like. Yeah, no, this is not that.

Buck is really good at picking up on sexual / romantic tension. He flirts constantly and recognises when his flirting is reciprocated. That's how he landed the snake-lady in 1x01, it's how he knew Abby was down for phone sex (or at least wouldn't dump him over bringing it up), it's how he got with Taylor, etc. Buck is good at the flirting part. The only reason he was so awkward around Tommy was that for the first time ever the target of his advances was a man.

He's terrible at gauging where his (more serious) relationships are at though. I doubt that Abby ever thought she'd be with Buck forever. She cared about him, sure, but let's be realistic. I don't think she saw a future where she'd eventually marry him and settle down with him. Buck on the other hand was full on in love with her, waited months and months for her to come back even after she broke off contact. And the hot air balloon ride was a huge gesture, but did he think it through? What if there had been an emergency with Abby's mother while they were up in the air instead of immediately before?

With Taylor I don't think he had any idea where that was going. They were attracted to each other, they had a lot in common and they both really wanted to make it work, but in the end they just weren't compatible. He was really bad at communicating with her, first invited her to that weird double date with Veronica and Albert without being up-front, then the thing with Lucy. And in the end they broke up over something he knew about her all along. He knew Taylor wanted to use the material from when Bobby was high on the gifted brownies back in the day, how was he surprised that this same basic conflict became an issue again?

And Natalia. He had coffee with her once and suddenly "she really [saw him]". Then he turned around and broke up with her because she talked too much the one topic over which they bonded in the first place. Death is her job. You having died is what got the two of you talking. You valued her insight on the topic at some point even. But then you act like it's an annoying hobby she won't stop talking about?

The same with Tommy. How did Buck spend 6 months dating that man - knowing from very early on that the man had issues, that he grew up in a regressive environment, served in the military as well as under Gerrard, came out rather late in life (only a few years ago), doesn't have much family - and then just jump the whole "move in with me, we can get married one day, we can spend the rest of our lives together" on Tommy instead of sitting down and having an open conversation about the future without any heavy expectations? How does he not know a single detail about Tommy's coming out story, about his exes, about what he wants out of this relationship?

Honestly. Buck means well, but he never thinks things through and is kind of a disaster when it comes to actually dating the partner he finds. It's like he's not dating the person, he's dating for the sake of dating.

[stephreynaart]

i'm so sad you ship billford.... im not gonna lecture you i just. sighs. i love your art so much this is really upsetting. :(((

We gonna have this conversation again?

At this point go take it up with Alex, cause it’s pretty much canon.

BOOK OF BILL SPOILERS BELOW

It’s REALLY hard to ignore all the language surrounding Bill’s relationship with Ford and how he pursues him, he follows the dating advice he gives in the book to a T

- Leaving dead rats/mice for Ford

- Ford is the only “partner” that Bill is openly vulnerable with and gives him some insight to his past and his experience (also referring to him as a partner)

- The “Love Cage” advice he gives, where he said go trap your date and sing them a song. And if you remember, Bill traps Ford in the Fearamid and sings to him “We’ll Meet Again”, which was a song written for WWII soldiers who were away from their lovers

“I’m Your Puppet” by James & Bobby Purify that Ford gets in his head, a love song, that also places Ford in his role in the relationship.

THE FLIRTING “you can call me anything but late to dinner”, “I think I’m starting to like you” and saying the same thing then saying “jinx”. GET A ROOM

Both got jealous when the other thinks they’re with someone else. Ford thinking Bill’s “inspiring another scientist” when he doesn’t see Bill for a few weeks, and Bill calling Fiddleford a “third wheel”.

Then when they break it off, Bill goes on a sad drunken rampage. Which you don’t do for someone who you don’t at least care about, especially not someone who’s just a friend

Bill gives Ford 3 days to turn the portal on and asks himself “What was I, a saint? And why did I do it- some misplaced sentimentality”

Even Mabel basically said Bill has a thing for Ford “you’re like a super needy ex” “go crush on someone else’s uncle”

They were definitely more than friends, from what I see it was mostly one-sided on Bill’s part.

Maybe Ford did feel something, it was definitely a relationship that made him feel good, more in tune with his brain and body, and gave him a big boost of confidence. He went to Bill for comfort when he was stressed and vented to him about stuff. Bill made Ford happy…while it was good anyway.

Was this a healthy relationship? FUCK NO!

Bill was mentally and physically abusive, manipulative, and possessive (LITERALLY). He spiked Ford’s drink after Ford said no to having one and got him fucked up. Bill took Ford’s body on a joyride and did horrible things to Ford that we see in the pictures and thing we DONT see in the video. All to make him comply and get the portal running. Calling Ford his PROPERTY.

But it’s a good story of overcoming an abusive relationship, which is great representation tbh, Ford is happier and has his family to love him now.

Normally Alex is great at leaving things up to interpretation, but I can’t ignore the intentional and not at all subtle way he depicted Bill and Ford’s relationship. There’s even seeds of it in the interview with Hana and TGFF

Go take it up with Hirsch, cause I’m just using what he gave me

[half-oz-eddie]

I didn’t know I wanted you (Until I couldn’t have you)

A (partial) buck/tommy texting story

Buck forms a great bond with Tommy over the months after they meet, and buck tries to ignore the crush slowly blossoming in him, until Tommy starts dating another man, and jealousy causes his feelings to bloom beyond his control.

Part 1/5

It’s been 3 months since Tommy flew the 118 into the hurricane to help them save Bobby and Athena. They’ve become such great friends since then. They share so many hobbies, and teach each other so many new things. Buck’s never had a friendship like this before with anyone and he’s never been happier.

When Buck and Tommy meet up for beers, Buck gets a few too many beers in him and starts venting to Tommy for the first time, deepening their friendship in new ways.

They talk about their struggles with jealousy, loneliness and their past selves, all while they’re bashing Gerrard who recently took command at the 118.

After last call, they get in an Uber together and Tommy makes sure Buck is safe and sound and tucked into bed before calling another Uber for himself.

When Buck woke up the next morning, he read Tommy’s texts with a smile on his face. There was a comforting warmth to Tommy’s tone in all of these texts. Buck couldn’t quite place it but it meant a lot to him and he was even happier to have a friend like Tommy in his life.

And while Buck wasn’t looking forward to his shift, he always looked forward to leaning on Tommy at the end of the day.

Buck put a great deal of time and care into prepping and packing the snacks. His heart was racing and his stomach was tumbling with excitement. He caught himself, chipper and flustered, acting as if he were preparing to go on a date.

I just really like hanging out with Tommy. He’s so cool. Buck told himself.

Even as he meticulously wrapped (freshly cooked) chicken wraps and sealed them with some little packaging stickers he’d bought ages ago and never used. Even as he chose the perfect hiking outfit with careful consideration. Even as he stared at himself in the mirror for 10 minutes and made sure he looked good.

I just like hanging out with him. He’s the coolest guy I know. Buck reminded himself again.

Buck couldn’t stop smiling at his phone. His heart was beating wildly in anticipation of those 3 knocks on his door.

Buck usually knew who was at the door by the knock. Eddie knocks 5 times. Bobby knocks 4 times. Maddie also knocks 3 times but it’s soft and swift. When Tommy knocks, it’s 3 firm “I’m here and I really would like to see you” knocks.

At least Buck thought so. Or maybe he was reading too much into it. Sometimes his brain would take him to weird places and he would simply follow it down the rabbit hole.

For now, he needed to get his boots on and ignore this wave of emotions.

It’s just a hike with a friend.

[sootsz]

in light of recent ominous events with the eggs (namely, theories that they’re hatching, and their even more recent disappearance this morning), i think it’s worth looking at what an insane social experiment of a situation that all the members and admins find themselves in, with us as the overly invested lab coat scientists, so hi welcome to Quackity (Accidentally) Makes Social Experiments 100000% Funnier

when talking about the egg event the focus tends to be on the cc’s and how attached they are, because they’re the ones we can fully see and gauge their emotional responses. it’s already been well established how genuinely invested they all are. but the eggs’ admins have just as much skin in the game as their in-game parents do

The tragedy of the eggs being taken away isn’t necessarily the eggs (characters) dying/leaving. it’s more than that. it’s that, in a way, the admin dies with the character. And the further that the egg event has continued past the point it was meant to end, and past the point of no return, the more true this has become.

richas plays more than the “actual” members. phil admits to seeing chayanne and tallulah as part of the server and genuinely likes who they are as people. dapper, ramon, leo, pomme—they’re all so ingrained in the island that it is impossible to imagine it without them, and to do so would be like removing half of the cc’s themselves. only Worse!

Because it’s so final when the eggs die. so definite. because even if a steamer left, you’ll see them continue in their own capacity as a streamer, but the eggs are just gone. they’re mostly anonymous (richas is again a good example). they’d vanish like they were never there, with no real way to reconnect with them

and it’s all even More high-stakes from the admin’s perspective. from watching early gegg streams, you can see how, even with charlie’s mic off, it doesn’t really feel any different from watching a normal stream?? he’s still there, interacting with his friends, joking around, playing minecraft with them, and that’s what the egg’s admins do almost Every. Single. Day. what!! an indirect comparison would be an internet friend you’ve only messaged and never vc’d with. a more direct comparison (for those who were in the trenches) would be that friend you made when you were 12 and roleplaying on a minecraft creative plots server.

juanaflippa’s admin and tilin’s admin have, on twitter, mentioned how much they miss hanging out with their ‘parents’. bobby’s admin having to say goodbye to jaiden and roier and actually crying. tallulah and chayanne giving music recommendations to phil. leo interacting with foolish in a pretty Normal Friends way (yknow, if you disregard the bedtime stories) with leo teaching him spanish and him teaching her english. they’re ALL more than just characters. they’re people!! what the hell!!!

this is not to say that the admins for the eggs are traumatized, not even a little, or that the egg experiment is in any way morally wrong (on the contrary, I love it! fun roleplay dynamics! acting! emotions repercussions that make me want to study their brains!) though i do hope for the admins sake and all of ours that they can stay as long as possible or else their therapy bills will be crazy

because when it comes down to it, friendship is friendship, whether you met roleplaying their child on a minecraft server or not

enjoy the island :)

[mysunshinetemptress]

Never yours to fix

Alessia Russo x mum!reader

Warnings: angst absent parent, fluff

As a child you dreamed of being a mum, it was something your parents often talked about you constantly carrying your baby doll a girl you had named Gina.

Although you had dreamed of being a mum you never expected it to happen so soon but after your boyfriend knocked you up at the age of 19 you knew no matter what you would love every moment of it. And you did well mostly, you loved the moments it was just you and Teddy or the moments you shared with your family, you hated the moments she would sit watching the door for her Dad to decide he wanted to spend time with her, the moments she cried into your arms stating “daddy not love me.” The moments he cancelled last minute or didn’t show up at all.

Teddy’s heart had been broken so many times that you often felt like you failed her, you hadn’t not by a long shot you where the best mum a 21 year old could be, Teddy was loved and cared for and you made sure she didn’t have to worry about ever feeling hungry..well your dad did after he got you a job in his company but still it was you there to laugh with her when she was her happiest and hold her when she was at her saddest which was more frequent these days after her Dad found himself a new girlfriend. Being caught up in making sure Teddy was loved and happy you often neglected it for yourself but you couldn’t possibly bring in a new person to your life scared Teddy would get attached and then become even more heartbroken when it eventually turned bad. That was until you met her.

Teddy was staying with your parents while you and your brother attended Manchester United vs Newcastle at Old Trafford, since you where kids both you and your brother held season tickets and although you still bought it you hadn’t used yours in two since having your daughter. Seats picked right beside the directors box at the Bobby Charlton stand you both got comfortable catching up.

You both sat with batted breath as you watch the boys in red try tirelessly to defend sighing and dropping your head in disappointment turning when you heard a laugh, eyes catching two girls sat beside you. The brunette turned before locking eyes with you and smiling sheepishly hitting the blonde girl beside her “sorry, it’s not funny I know but if I don’t laugh I’ll cry.” It was your turn to laugh before nodding “that’s understandable haven’t seen them preform as good as they should be since I was a kid if I’m being honest but once a red always a red so I’ll keep coming.” The girls smiled at you “I’m Y/n and this is my brother Jamie.” The brunette smiled “I’m..” Jamie laughed “oh we know who you are best number seven for United and Alessia the traitor.” You thumped Jamie’s arm at the last part “sorry ignore him he wishes he was half as decent as you Alessia.” The girls laughed as the whistle sounded for half time “right my turn to buy drinks.” You dragged your brother up before turning to the girls “you guys coming “oh no we…”. You smiled “come on it’s on me please.” The both nodded standing before following you to the drinks stand.

Arriving back to your seats Ella was pulled away spotting a family friend so Alessia had decided to take her seat beside you as you both struck up a conversation “so how long have you been a United fan for.” You shrugged thinking “god don’t think I can remember but my entire life really, Dads a red used to live by Busby way as a kid then he met mum, Mum moved from Ireland when she was 22 they met shortly after in the Stretford end actually, got married and when the business did well moved to Hale had My brother then me and the rest is history.” Alessia smiled at your little story “sorry just realised I told you my entire life story.” Alessia laughed nah it’s all good “I’m a red as well although I grew down south, my Dad is a massive fan. My brothers and I followed after him my mum she isn’t really into it but she’ll watch if I’m playing.” You smiled “that’s really cute.” You both continued talking not even realising the final whistle had blown until Jamie shuck your shoulder “ready.” You looked around “oh, well I best be off it was really nice to meet you Alessia.” You stood slowly smiling at the girl as Alessia shot from her seat “wait, I’d ehm well I…you don’t have to.. I mean I don’t even know if this is what your into…oh god spit it out… would you like to go out with me tomorrow.” You looked at her surprised “like a date.” Alessia nodded “yeah…I had a really nice time with you and I would love to do it again if you are free.” You stood thinking before turning to Jamie “I got T don’t worry.” You smiled great fully “I’d love to here out your number in.”

It was your second date when you finally told Alessia about Teddy. “I really like you and before this goes any further I need to tell you something.” Alessia grabbed your hand across the table “breath Y/n.” You looked at her eyes wide in worry “I have a daughter, Teddy..she ehm she’s two and my entire world and listen I understand if this is all to much for you and before you get up and leave just know I have had the best time with you these past few weeks.” Alessia let go of your hand eyes wide in shock “Teddy.” You nodded head dropping slightly “oh my god that is the cutest name ever have you got photos oh when can I meet her, does she have a favourite show, favourite princess, does she like football tell me everything.” You looked at her in shock before bursting into tears as Alessia got up to move beside you “oh shit Y/n I’m sorry.” You shook your head “no I’m sorry I god it’s just I love her so much and I was so scared of telling you in fear you wouldn’t like me anymore because I really like you.” You spent the rest of the night show Less videos of Teddy and telling her all about her and Alessia found herself falling fast watching your eyes sparkle as you talked about your daughter buzzing in anticipation to meet her.

A month after Alessia finally asked you to be her girlfriend you decided it was time to introduce her to Teddy so you invited Alessia around for lunch “hey baby remember Mummy has someone special coming to visit today Teddy hummed focused on playing with her toys “I know your my best girl but I need you to promise me you will be good.” Teddy looked up eyes big “I promise I good girl Mama.” You smiled spreading your arms “ok come give me a hug and a kiss.” Teddy ran over smiling wrapping her little arms around you before wiggling out to go back to playing. Shortly after the doorbell rang and your nerves spiked at the thought of Alessia actually being here.

You opened the door smiling softly as she pulled you in for a hug “hi gorgeous.” You pulled back kissing her cheek before asking “ready.” Alessia nodded excitedly “so ready I’m absolutely buzzin to meet her.” You laughed pulling her in hands locked together “Hey T can you come here a second there is someone I want you to meet.” Teddy threw her toys down jumping up from the floor and raced towards you putting her hands in the air “up mama.” You smiled letting go of Alessia’s hand picking her up as she rested her head on your chest “hey love this is the person I was telling you about, her name is Alessia can you say hi.” Teddy looked at the blonde studying her before smiling “hi lessia I Teddy.”you looked at the older girl smiling as she laughed “hi Teddy your so pretty aren’t you.” It was Teddy’s turn to laugh before she reached over for Alessia’s hair “hair like Punzle.” You smiled nodding “yeah Alessia does have hair like Rapunzle.” Teddy lifted her head getting more comfortable with your girlfriend “you a princess.” Alessia smiled shaking her head “Alessia plays football she’s not a princess.” Teddy’s eyes widened as a smile took over her face “I love football, like my mama and uncle jam and Grandpa.” Alessia smiled as Teddy wiggled letting you know she wanted to be put down before she grabbed Alessia’s hand “I show you I show you.” You nodded at the older girl “go I’ll start lunch.”

It’s safe to say the first meeting was a hit Alessia ended up staying until well after Teddy went to bed your daughter the happiest you had seen her in awhile “oh god Y/n she’s amazing, really amazing and she absolutely adores you.” You smiled resting your head on Alessia’s shoulder as you watched the tv “well I can say the same about you I think today might be her favourite out of the year, you made her laugh more today then I have been able to these last few weeks.” Alessia squeezed you tightly “if you’ll let me I would love to spend more time with the both of you. You’re my girlfriend, I care about you a lot and I care about her a lot too, I don’t plan on leaving, that is unless you want me to but we’ll from the moment I met you at Old Trafford I couldn’t help the butterflies and I don’t ever want them to stop.” You smiled pulling her into a kiss “I’d love nothing more than for you to stick around.”

You and Alessia fell into a routine something you had asked for as to not get Teddy all mixed up. Alessia face timed on the nights she wasn’t up in Manchester which at the start was frequently as she lived in London but after the first night she stayed over and how happy Teddy was afterwards it happened more frequently, so Sunday nights Alessia traveled to yours and would be there when Teddy awoke the next morning she would leave then Monday night and be back Wednesday night and Thursday night before heading back down to do it all over again.

That happened without a hiccup for a few weeks until your ex decided he wanted to start seeing Teddy again, you had forgotten to tell Less that Teddy was at her dads on the Wednesday and you definitely didn’t miss the disappointment on her face when she came through the front door waiting on the 2 yr old to jump at her only to be met with silence “sorry darling, I completely forgot Mickey came to get her this morning he’s back on his “I love my daughter and want to see her” phase again but she’ll be home tomorrow.” Alessia nodded “oh ok, we’ll how about we go out for dinner then.” You smiled kissing her softly “ok sounds good.”

That happened for three more weeks until you where sat at dinner laughing about Alessia being clumsy like always when your phone rang “sorry Less it’s Mickey let me get it.” You stood up walking away from the table answering your phone before you rushed back 5 minutes later “hey hey Y/n what’s going on.” You picked up everything taking out the money for the meal “it’s Teddy, Mickey never picked her up from my parents house I have to go get her I’m really sorry less I have to go get her.” Alessia shook her head “hey it’s ok let me drive yeah we will both go get her.” You smiled at her taking her hand as you both left to get your daughter.

You raced up the driveway Alessia following after you as you knocked on the door, before looking at your dad “where is she.” Your Dad stepped aside as you walked through the house finding your daughter cuddled up to your brother hiccuping “hey Pumpkin.” Teddy’s head shot up at the sound of your voice “Mama.” You kneeled down in front of her “oh baby I’m so sorry.” Teddy crawled off Jamie’s lap before wrapping herself around you “No Daddy.” You dropped your head sighing “I’m sorry baby.” Teddy lifted her head seeing Alessia standing behind you putting her hands out for the Blonde as you passed her over “no daddy Less.” Alessia looked at you trying to work out what to say “I’m sorry T.” Teddy began playing with Alessia’s hair “you stay.” Alessia nodded “I’m staying as long as you want piccola Stella.” Teddy’s little chin began to wobble “no go stay.” Alessia nodded “I promise it’s ok I’m staying.” Teddy began crying feeling overwhelmed.

Alessia was there for Teddy and you after that more so then she had been, she left London earlier to spend more time in Manchester with you both and often stayed longer then she was allowed to with training, but she didn’t care “Teddy needs me, you need me, I’ll stay as long as I have go to make sure she isn’t going to bed crying over that idiot who doesn’t deserve her.” You cried into her arms that night.

A few months later Mickey fell back into his phase only this time Teddy was an awful lot more reluctant to go with him stating “no stay, stay with Mama and Lessia no go Daddy.” Mickey wasn’t to happy about that often screaming down the phone at you stating “how dare you take my daughter away from me you and that bitch blonde.” You hung up on him only for him to come banging on the door. You turned at the noise before looking at Teddy “hey Pumpkin you stay here ok I have to go answer the door Less will be here shortly ok.” Teddy nodded watching the TV. Opening the door stood Mickey “where is she.” You sighed “she doesn’t want to see you.” Mickey shook his head “bullshit she’s two she can’t make up her own mind over what tutu to wear, I won’t ask again Y/n where is she.” You moved slightly as her tried to push past you “for the sake of our daughters happiness im sorry Mickey but no, you do this every few weeks, you get this itch to spend time with her like you’re supposed to and then you push her to the side when you get fed up, she is a two year old child not a toy you can’t keep doing that to her, her tiny heart breaks every time and I’m tired of trying to tell her you love her when you clearly don’t and she is starting to realise.” Mickey pushed you back into the hall “Fuck you she is my kid, you can’t keep her from me TEDDY ITS DADDY LETS GO.” Teddy stood up from the couch running to the door peaking out “hey T.” Teddy shook her head “not my name.” Mickey looked at her confused “yeah it is.” Teddy shook her head again “only Mama and Less allowed not daddy.” Mickey looked at you anger sparking in his eyes “what but I’m your Daddy.” Teddy nodded “yeah but Daddy not love me, Mama and Less love me.” Mickey turned to you “what bullshit have you been feeding her, how…how dare you turn her against me, I’m taking you to court you bitch you can’t keep her from me.” Mickey had you pushed against the wall now as Teddy began to cry, just on time Alessia came through the door “I’d take your hands off her if I where you Mickey.” Teddy ran past you both to Alessia putting her hands up as Alessia lifted her up “you should go.” Mickey shook his head “I’m not leaving without my daughter.” Teddy ducked her head into Alessia neck “yeah you are, your not taking her like this, especially not when you are this angry so I won’t ask again leave, take a few days and when you have calmed the hell down try it again in a nicer manner.” Mickey stepped forward but you stopped him placing your hand on his chest “you have broken her heart enough Mickey, don’t make her fear you as well.” Mickey stopped looking at Teddy “I’m sorry baby, I’ll see you soon.” Mickey walked out after that as you looked at your daughter crying in Alessia’s arms.

Sighing you placed Teddy in bed kissing her head before stepping back into Alessia’s arms. “You ok amore mio.” You nodded “I love you.” Alessia froze for a minute before pulling you closer “I love you too.” You turned facing her “I never got to thank you.” Alessia looked at you confused “for what Y/n.” You looked back at Teddy’s sleeping form “we where….we where never yours to fix but you have, I was so scared of love until I met you and Teddy never knew love like yours existed until she met you, you have made us both the happiest girls in the world these past few months and you have eased my worries…I feared she would cry watching the door every day for the rest of her life for her father to love her like she deserves but you…you have loved her since I told you about her in the restaurant and I know she will never have to worry about being heart broken by you, that she will never have to sit watching the door for you..so thank you for fixing what was never yours to fix but loving us both enough to do it.” Alessia smiled pulling you into a kiss “I would do it again in a heartbeat.” You kissed her pulling her impossibly closer. “I love you.” You smiled “we love you too.”

[uniquexusposts]

Below Deck | C. Leclerc (1)

Summary: Y/n and Charles had broken up a few weeks ago. Y/n thought it was a good idea to enter the yachting world to get over the break up, but suddenly he shows up at the last charter of the season. How will they cope with it? Words: 3018 Read the story that was based off the one shot here Part 2

"All crew, all crew, the guests are arriving in ten minutes. Please, change into your polos," the captain said on the radio.

"Copied."

The final charter of Y/n's yachting season was about to start. She and her roommate Bobbie were standing in their cabins, changing into their polos. It was silence; they both were tired and glad this was their last charter.

Y/n was the third stew on this yacht, and Bobbie was the second stew. And you know what they say? They either love or hate each other. This time, they liked each other. However, they had a mixed relationship with their boss, the first stew: Helena.

"Last charter, girl," Bobbie said and put on perfume.

"Last charter," Y/n breathed. "Two more nights, three more days."

The entire crew made their way to the deck. They were standing in a line; Bobbie was holding the plate with the glasses of champagne, and Y/n had the plate with refreshing towels. The captain and chief stew were standing on the dock.

"It's the last one," Otis sang and did a silly dance. "The last, last, last." He was a deckhand.

Everyone laughed and danced along with him.

"I really hope the guests are chill, down to earth, not too demanding," Felix said hopefully, the engineer.

"And otherwise, we make the best of it," Bobbie said.

Six people were walking toward the yacht. The crew quickly peeked at their new guests but couldn't stare. Y/n looked at the group that had now arrived at the captain and chief stew. Her face straightened when she saw who the group was.

"Oh, my god, that is Max Verstappen," Felix whispered; the fanboy was getting exposed now.

"Who?" Otis asked.

"Max Verstappen, the Formula 1 2021 world champion," Felix said.

"I don't watch Formula 1," Otis huffed.

Eyes widened. "Is that Carlos Sainz? And Pierre Gasly?" Bobbie noticed them now.

"And Charles Leclerc," Luca said impressively, he was the bosun.

Charles Leclerc.

Y/n could feel her heartbeat rise, and her lips parted. There is no way that this is happening. Everything around her faded away for a moment. Her mind was blank. She barely knew how to stand up straight anymore, or how to breathe. The sun on her skin made her sweat even more. It is the last one, you can do it. Y/n returned to reality, cleared her throat and put her best fake smile on her face.

"Hello, welcome on board," Luca warmly smiled. "My name is Luca, I'm your bosun."

Max was the first one in the group, making clear he was the primary guest. He introduced himself to everyone and shook their hands. Kelly, his girlfriend and co-primary guest, was walking behind him. Followed by Carlos and his girlfriend, Pierre and...and Charles.

When Charles was standing in front of Y/n, their eyes met. She had not looked in those eyes for six weeks. Those blue-coloured eyes with touches of other more beautiful colours... However, the smile on his lips didn't reach his eyes. To her own experience, this moment took forever, but in reality, it was just a few seconds.

"I'm Y/n; nice to meet you," Y/n smiled. Well, she forced a smile. And it did not feel natural or convincing. She had to stay in her role. "Welcome on board. Would you like to have a refreshing towel?" She was the second to last person in the line.

Pain. She is acting like nothing happened. Charles swallowed hard. "Yes, thank you," he managed to say. He grabbed a towel and moved to the next person. He tried to listen to her words; he filtered her name: Bobbie. She offered him a glass of champagne. "Thank you, I'm Charles."

The captain was explaining a few things about the yacht. The guests were looking at Y/n, they knew her. And Y/n knew them personally. Y/n looked away from everyone, she could feel the judgy looks. Nobody knew she was here, doing this job. She went off the radar six weeks ago. They all looked back at the captain and first stew when they announced the yacht tour would begin.

Everyone but the captain and first stew walked off the boat to get the guest's luggage.

"I really cannot believe we have F1 drivers as guests," Felix cried. "I cannot believe that they shook my hand."

"Dude, chill," Otis smirked.

"I think they will be chill," Bobbie said. "They look chill and give off a relaxing vibe."

Felix grabbed a suitcase and a backpack. "Do you watch F1, Y/n?" He gave the two pieces to her.

The crew developed a thing during the season: adding Y/n's name at the end of every sentence meant for her.

"No, I don't, and I won't," she coldly replied and walked back on the boat with the luggage.

Oh, my, I can't wait for the moment they walk off this boat. She dragged the luggage down to the guest bedrooms. Everyone was so hyped to serve the drivers, but Y/n only wanted to cry.

"What is the room division?" Y/n asked Luca.

"Master is Max and Kelly, left is Carlos and Rebecca, and right is Pierre and Charles." Luca stepped toward her to check the labels. "You have Charles his luggage. You have to go to the right, Y/n."

You've got to be kidding me. "Perfect," she replied and opened the right cabin door. On the preference sheets, they requested to unpack their luggage, but Y/n knew Charles hated it when people touched his stuff. She bit her lip and placed his backpack on the chair. For a moment, she looked at it. It was just a black backpack, it was simple, and somehow she adored it a lot. "Fuck," Y/n whispered and took a deep breath. She stepped away from his suitcase and lifted it to be placed on the luggage chair. The only thing she did was open his suitcase.

"Oh, o, I'm sorry."

Y/n turned around, and she gasped for air. "My goodness, Pierre. You scared me," she whispered.

"Sorry," he whispered back. "I had no idea that you worked on a yacht now." The Frenchman entered the room. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," she softly said. Pierre stepped towards her and gave her a hug; he was not only a good friend of Charles, but also a good friend of Y/n. "How are you?"

"Good, I'm good, now I know where my friend hangs out."

She weakly smiled.

"Is everything good in here?" Helena entered the cabin with Pierre's luggage. The fake smile appeared on her face, but she looked judgemental at her stew.

Pierre smiled. "Yes, absolutely. I was asking Bobbie to help me with unpacking my suitcase." He pointed at Y/n.

Helena slowly nodded. "Perfect. Y/n, can you help me at the bar if you're done unpacking the suitcase?" She put the accent on 'Y/n'.

It made Pierre chuckle.

"Yes, absolutely." Then Y/n realised she answered the exact same as Pierre. Helena walked away. "Bobbie? Seriously, Pierre?" She wanted to grab his suitcase, but he was first.

"Neh, neh, neh, you're not doing this. I can do it myself," he said and closed the door behind him. "You sit, I talk, you listen," he said and opened his suitcase. "And I had to say a your name wrong, I don't know you."

"Oh, god." Y/n sat down on the free chair. She looked at Pierre. An empty feeling entered her body. "I don't know if I can do it, Pierre," she hopelessly said.

"Then don't pay attention to him."

"How?" She shot back. "Did you know how hard it was to not burst into tears when I saw it were you all who came? Pierre, I'm not ready to face him yet."

"And what do you want to do now? You can't walk away, we're already sailing away."

Y/n groaned, annoyed.

"But Y/n, why did you go off the radar? I was worried."

"Yachting," Y/n simply replied. "Working my arse off." She got up; it didn't feel right to be in a room and doing nothing. "I barely have time to keep up with everything. On my breaks, I do a power nap. On days off, I'm just enjoying my free time-" She got cut off by a radio message for her. She replied straight away. "I gotta go, we will speak later."

"Yes, of course. I'm happy to see that you're doing fine, Y/n," Pierre mentioned. "This is something I do not have to worry about anymore."

Her fingers were wrapped around the doorknob, she only smiled weakly. She opened the door. "And, Pierre?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't be like shit, we can't handle more shit guests anymore," Y/n whispered and squinted her eyes.

Pierre grinned. "It really depends on how we get treated."

"Get out of here." She rolled her eyes and closed the door behind her. It did her good to see Pierre again, but it was not how she would have liked. Someone wanted to walk down the stairs when she wanted to walk up the stairs. "You go first," she politely smiled.

Charles walked down the stairs, slowly. His eyes were glued on Y/n. The salmon orange-coloured shirt highlighted her tanned skin tone. However, it seemed like she had lost some weight. His lips parted. "Sorry, I didn't know you worked here, Y/n," he whispered.

Her eyes closed for a second or two; the way how he says it will never tire me. "I...is...is everything to your liking?" If Y/n left her role to him, things would escalate.

"Yes." Charles had to switch between being informal to formal. It hurt him, but if this was what she wanted... "It's perfect."

"Perfect. If there is anything that we can do for you, please don't hesitate to say it."

"I will, thank you."

And away she went. Y/n ran up the stairs and faced Helena at the bar. "I will be back in a sec; I have to change into my work clothes," she smiled and walked to the crew mess.

The smile dropped from her face, and she stormed to her own cabin. She closed the door behind her and balled her hands into fists. "Fucking hell," she breathed and felt the tears flowing in her eyes.

--

Y/n yawned when she walked up the stairs. It was seven o'clock in the morning, and her day shift had just started. It was the second day of the last charter. She was about to check the bar, but she noticed two people outside in the lounge. I hate morning people. This is not a pleasant way to start the day.

She walked to the lounge. "Hello," Y/n smiled.

"Hello, darling," Rebecca warmly smiled.

"Good morning," Carlos smiled.

"God, you're early," Y/n softly said, breaking the character for a second, regretting it already.

Carlos smirked. "You know us."

"Yeah, that is true. Is there anything I can get you?"

"I'm fine; I'm just enjoying the sunrise," Rebecca said.

Carlos nodded. "I'm fine too."

"Perfect. If there is anything that you want, just give me a shout. Will the breakfast still be at ten?" Y/n felt uncomfortable; she was serving her friends. And it usually would not matter, but this is the top-of-the-top service she had to give.

He nodded again. When Y/n stepped away, he inhaled. "Y/n, how are you doing?"

"I'm alright, busy with work. How about you?"

"Happy to have a weekend off," Carlos answered her question.

"I had no idea you worked on a yacht now," Rebecca admitted. "Do you like it?"

Y/n looked around. Yes, her job was to entertain the guests and be polite. But to a certain point. Being personal was crossing the line. But it were her friends. However, how much would it affect her tip at the end? That was why she entered the yachting world. "Yeah, I had no idea that I would end up here," Y/n also admitted. "But you know, it's something else, and I think it's fine for now." And it is quick and much money.

"How many more days do you have left?"

"This is the last charter."

It was silence.

"Gosh, I miss you, girl. It's so hard to not act like friends," Rebecca breathed and pressed her lips into a thin line. "Because I can see how you distance yourself from us."

There goes the tip for the crew.

"I'm sorry. It's just... I don't want them to know that I know you. So I'm sorry if I act like a cold bitch, but I... They can't know," Y/n stammered and swallowed hard. "Because I want to laugh with you, talk to you like we used to, but if I do, I will get in trouble for being too personal and crossing so many lines."

Rebecca got up from the lounge. "I know, I know," she said and hugged Y/n.

"I miss you so much," Y/n whispered, hurt. "Seeing you again, makes me so happy."

"When you're finished here, we need to go out, okay?" She looked at her friend when letting go of her.

"Yes."

Felix was walking around the boat, checking if everything was looking decent. "Good morning," he said. One of the guests was sitting on the lounge, and the other was standing next to Y/n. "Is everything okay here?"

"Yes, thank you," Carlos smiled.

Y/n forced a smile on her face. "I'm talking Rebecca and Carlos through the planned schedule for today," she said to her colleague. "Everything is still going as planned." Felix nodded, satisfied and walked away. "At the picnic... I heard that more people were joining you?"

"Lando, George, Alex and Daniel are joining with their girlfriends," Rebecca mentioned. "Are you coming too, or will that not be on your service? Or do we have to ask if you will join us? You're one of us, you have to be there. This was your idea." Y/n joked about booking a yacht with a beach picnic a couple of months ago, only because she watched Below Deck.

And they actually booked it. The realisation hit Y/n. This was her idea, and she couldn't even join them. Well, on the other side. "I was one of you," Y/n replied. "And I can't join you. I am working. I won't be able to lunch with you."

"You will, we will make something up. And yes, Charles will be there. But you don't have to hug or kiss him. We will make sure you will be sitting on the complete opposite of him, yes?"

--

"I am so glad that this is the last picnic," Bobbie breathed and placed some plates on the table. "I fucking hate picnics, especially on the beach. It looks so nice when you can just sit on your butt and eat. But it is a pain in the arse when you have to make it look so nice. I mean, the sun is breaking me apart, there's sand everywhere, nothing is stable," she complained.

Y/n smiled, but bit her lip to hide it. She placed the cutlery next to the plates and only listened.

"I'm sorry for my complaining hour, but now we can talk without other people hearing it," Bobbie mumbled.

"No, no, please, share everything you want. I'll just listen," Y/n replied and softly chuckled. "Because I can only agree with you."

"And you know what I heard? Helena was talking to Otis in the crew mess - she didn't know that I was in the laundry room - and she literally said: 'Since the moment the guests have arrived, I have not heard Y/n's name once. Not once. Do they even know that we have a third stew? I am working my arse off, and she gets to do nothing.'," Bobbie dramatically said, and she looked sorry at Y/n.

Y/n stopped placing the cutlery on the table. "What? Is she serious?"

"That is what I heard..."

This could either be the truth or a lie to create drama. "I work my arse off, she is the one who does nothing. She only makes out with Otis and lets us do the work. She can kiss my arse. Whatever. Just one more day and it is over," Y/n defended herself. "I'm starting to move to the dislike side. I liked Helena at first, but she's doing weird things and blaming us for it."

"I stopped liking her after the first charter when she screwed me over by saying that the master was not cleaned yet. That was her job, it was even on the board. And suddenly, it was my job without saying shit to me," Bobbie ranted. "She can suck my dick."

The radio went off. "Bobbie and Y/n, the guests are on their way."

Bobbie grabbed her transceiver. "Perfect, thank you," she friendly said.

Y/n burst into laughter and continued putting the cutlery on the table. "You're such a snake."

"Learnt from the best," Bobbie proudly said.

"Sassy."

Fifteen minutes later, the table was all set, and the guests arrived. Bobbie quickly took a photo of the table while Y/n walked over to the tender to help the guests out of the tender.

"Thank you, Y/n," Max smiled.

She gave him a nod and helped Kelly, who was also getting help from Kelly. She was followed by Rebecca, Carlos and Pierre. Y/n looked at Charles and stuck out her hand. She could see the doubt in his eyes, but he grabbed her hand anyway. She gasped for air and saw every memory she had of him, playing in front of her eyes. And it looked like Charles had it too.

Charles looked away and jumped out of the tender into the water. "Thank you, Y/n/n," he softly said and let go of her hand.

"Anytime," she lipped and swallowed hard.

It had been just over 24 hours, and she barely had seen Charles. He was avoiding every contact moment between himself and his ex-girlfriend. Y/n noticed it, it hurt, but it was for the best. She looked down and closed her eyes; she just wanted to walk further into the sea and drown.

"The other tender is arriving, Y/n," Luca said.

Y/n opened her eyes and looked up at the bosun. "Thank you, Luca. I will let you know when they want to go back," she said and padded the tender a couple of times.

"Copied."

She waved at him when he sailed away. Her eyes fell on the other tender, and she put on another smile. Y/n stepped to it. "Welcome, everyone."

"Y/n!" Carmen excitedly said, but straightened her face right away. "Oh, my god, sorry. I don't know you," she apologised. Rebecca had asked the others to pretend not to know Y/n, only to protect her from her colleagues.

"It's okay, darling," Y/n said and smiled comfortably. Once again, she helped everyone get off the tender, and she made an agreement with their bosun. "I will call you," she mentioned. He nodded and sailed away as well.

The beach picnic started.

It was fake. Her smile was fake. Her laugh was fake. It seemed like her happiness was fake as well. Charles couldn't keep his eyes off Y/n. It was so incredibly hard to be around her. How she was pretending nothing had happened. But she probably had to do that because of her work, but still. It hurt him to see her smile at him. It hurt him how she would serve him drinks without any problem while he was freaking out on the inside.

"Is everything to your liking?" Bobbie asked and looked around.

Multiple nods and yeses were shared.

"Amazing..."

Y/n walked away from the table and let Bobbie do her thing with talking. She grabbed a bottle of water and took a sip. Her eyes were resting on the table. I should have been there as well...

...because I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I tried to forget him during my six weeks of yachting, but I can't stop thinking about him. I can't get over him because I am still connected to him. We were together for four years, and he was my first real love.

And we broke up because we thought it didn't work anymore.

We thought...

Stupid thought.

Seeing them all together feels like a reminder that everyone has moved on. That he had moved on. I feel ashamed of myself for feeling this way. I need to move on too. But I can't move on because Charles still occupies so much space in my head. It is really starting to annoy me and affect my life. I can't see a way to move on because every time I try to move on, he is still in my head, telling me that I'll not be happy with someone else. This terrifies me because I know it is true.

He was my first love, and he is my only love.

What am I meant to do now? I'm 24 years old, and my life feels so unfinished already. It's so difficult when everyone is moving on, and I am just stuck in the same place.

"Hello, Y/n?" Bobbie was waving in front of Y/n's eyes. "Are you here with me?"

A shock went through Y/n's body, and she looked at Bobbie. "What? Yes, why?"

"You're crying?" Bobbie squeezed her eyebrows together and looked worried. "Are you okay?"

Y/n felt her cheeks; they were wet. Her heart dropped. She dried her cheeks quickly and forced a smile on her face. "Sand in my eyes, no worries," she smiled.

"If you say so..."

"I say so." Y/n cleared her throat and looked at the table again. Her eyes got stuck on one person. Their eyes were locked. All the air got sucked out of her lungs.

Charles saw it. All of it.

Part 2

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos@crashingwavesofeuphoria@maryvibess

[buddiebeginz]

I know not everything the actors say in interviews is accurate but I’m pretty sure in the beginning of the season Oliver talked about how Buck was going to have to work for his next relationship. He talked very deliberately about how Buck has always had relationships come easy. In that he’ll like someone and then end up with them without having to really fight for them. He said Buck's next relationship was going to be different, yet things with T*mmy feel exactly the same as how it’s felt with most of the women Buck's been with. Where the relationship comes easy and it’s mostly based on sex and the person doesn’t really know who Buck is at his core.

I can’t help but wonder if Tim told Oliver that he was planning on making Buddie happen this season or at least moving them closer to happening and it got pushed into s8. In the beginning of this season we had a lot of joint Ryan and Oliver interviews more so than in previous years. Oliver also did a lot of posting/liking about Buddie and Ryan on insta. He also talked about Buddie in all his interviews more than in previous seasons. Given how Oliver has said multiple times in the past that he didn't want to lead people on about Buddie I can't help but feel like he thought things were going to play out differently.

If you watch the beginning of s7 it feels like we’re heading towards something important happening with Buddie. We had a lot of Buddie scenes including the locker room scene, the scene where Buddie talk about underlying sexual tension, the scene where Buck is showing how much he's like Chris' other dad, Buddie working together on multiple calls including rescuing Bobby together. Then of course there was 704 which was like a flashing neon sign saying Buck has feelings for Eddie and is scared Eddie is going to replace him.

Then in 705 it was Eddie who interrupts Buck's first date with a guy. It's Eddie that is the focus of the conversation where Buck comes out to Maddie, where she tells him that if he has something he needs to tell Eddie he will in his own time. Then we get a very intimate scene where Buck comes out to Eddie, including a lot of shared looks between them and a hug. Also of note that Buck only had two coming out scenes in the whole season and Eddie was chosen to be one of them. There was also the gym scene where they talked about Eddie's sex life.

To me it feels like Tim changed course around 706 when he cut a lot of Buddie stuff from the ep especially the karaoke scene. I know a lot of things were likely cut for time but still they shot a scene of Buddie being all touchy feely singing a karaoke love song for the Madney wedding ep. Karaoke was one of the first things Madney did when they were falling for one another it was too much of a parallel for it not to mean something.

I think 706 was really supposed to be a bigger Buddie episode than it turned out to be. This may also be why so much of the promo stuff was about Buddie. I think originally this was going to be the episode to start officially letting the audience know there was something there between them. You can also see parts of the original story where they had Buddie joined at the hip after the bachelor party (helping Maddie and looking for Chim) everything came off very coupley.

This may also explain why Abuela is at the wedding and Marisol isn't (more about Marisol later). I wonder if originally we were going to get some kind of scene with Abuela and Eddie where she says something about Buck. There's no way they brought her in to just stand in the background like an extra there had to have been a purpose for her character originally.

I think Tim changed course when he decided he wanted to do the Kim/Shannon Vertigo mess. Which I don’t get why someone didn’t step in and tell him how ridiculous this idea was especially in this short of a season. I feel like Tim wanted to do something artsy and also get Devin Kelley back on the show and this was how he chose to do that. Unfortunately though the story turned into a mess and worse I feel like parts of Eddie's emotional journey that deserved more focus were lost. Like even the general audience didn't know what to make of that scene where Kim was dressed up as Shannon.

The Vertigo story might also be a part of why there were rumours that Edy had finished filming prior to this storyline starting in 707. Maybe she thought she had but was brought back in for this storyline. Who knows? This season was basically being written almost as they were filming it and I'm pretty sure Tim was changing things left and right. You can see that more in some episodes vs others and definitely more the later the season goes on.

I also think that would explain why so little thought and time was put into both Eddie's relationship with Marisol and Buck's thing with T*mmy. I don't think either relationship was supposed to last the entire season. There was talk early on in s7 that Lou was only supposed to be around for something like four episodes definitely a short run. In interviews Oliver also made it seem like B/T wasn't going to last and that T*mmy eventually was going to be more of a mentor type figure for Buck.

Lou also used the word rom-com when referring to B/T. Although take that with a grain of salt because it may have been on one of his cameos and he said all kinds of stuff on there. But you can see rom-com love triangle type stuff being set up in 704/705/706 between Buck, Eddie, and T*mmy and then T*mmy just kind of disappears (until 709) and the Kim/Shannon thing happens.

This would explain why there is so little development in s7 for T*mmy and B/T's relationship to the point that they never even defined that relationship by the end of the season. They never even had Buck call him his boyfriend. Which I'm glad for that in a way but it just goes to show how bad the writing was this season. And as much as I want Buddie and as much as I dislike Lou and T*mmy I'm also really sad for Oliver because this is not the coming out storyline Buck deserved.

In 707 there was zero mention of T*mmy and this is also when the Kim/Shannon storyline started so I think this is when we see some significant changes to the storyline from wherever things were originally set to go. Though the scene with Buddie and Chris I think some of that was from whatever had been originally planned. It's too flirty to explain otherwise. Maybe originally it was going to be something where Eddie and Chris spend time at Buck's loft but because there was the Kim storyline they wrote it with Eddie leaving for the date.

The thing is Buck's feelings for Eddie throughout this whole season have been louder and more apparent than we've ever seen them be before. Oliver is clearly playing Buck as in love with Eddie. Go back and watch the scene in 704 where Eddie talks about clicking with T*mmy and see how Buck looks like his heart has broken into a million pieces. Or the way Buck watches Eddie in the coming out scene in 705. Or Buck's face in 709 after he said he was worried about Eddie. It's just so obvious that man loves Eddie and would do anything for him.

This is why I really thought there was a good probability of us getting an oh moment feelings realization from Buck in the finale or at the very least a moment where they hugged and consoled each other over losing their son. But we didn't even get that.

I'm honestly not surprised that Oliver went quiet on social media during the back half of s7. Throughout the whole season Oliver wasn't really showing support for B/T and he talked very little about the ship in his interviews. I think this was originally because the plan was for B/T only to be a short term thing and Oliver didn't want to lead anyone on about that ship. I also personally think Oliver has wanted to see Buddie happen for years so he's not going to be rooting for another ship.

I also get the vibe Oliver's not crazy about working with Lou. Anytime you see behind the scenes video and pics of the cast Lou isn't in them or if he is no one is interacting with him. You can also see in the one interview Oliver did with Lou that the chemistry between them just isn't there. They feel more like coworkers just doing their job vs how Ryan and Oliver always appear like giggling besties in every interview and behind the scenes thing we see them in.

Like others have said I'm just sad for Oliver. I think once Tim told Oliver about them wanting to do the bi Buck storyline he must have been so excited. He's talked in interviews about how he's always seen Buck as bi so he must have been thrilled when they said they were finally taking his character there. And for all the issues this season Buck's coming out is still an incredibly important storyline and has meant a lot to so many people. Oliver has even talked about all the people that have messaged him and how deeply they've been affected by a character like Buck coming out.

Still I'm sure Oliver wants more for Buck's love life than the lackluster relationship that he's been stuck with. You can tell in how he talks about Buddie that he wants to see that relationship happen and that he wants to make sure it's done right and doesn't play into stereotypes.

I just hate that T*mmy is the first guy they've stuck Buck with. I hate that Tim and the show have done nothing with this relationship. We don't even really know by the end of s7 how Buck feels about T*mmy or how he feels having been dating a guy for months. Some of that should have been revisited maybe with a talk between Buck and Maddie. But it's like others have said they made Buck bi and then just kind of forgot about him. I think though that's because like I said Tim pushed everything to the side to focus on the Vertigo plot and also all the stuff with Bobby to the detriment of everything else. Buddie was the original plan and Tim didn't really have much else for Buck to do so they left him in this nothing relationship.

I really hope s8 is better all around not just for Buddie but for Buck and Eddie as characters. I hope that Tim plans to follow through and actually make Buddie a reality not just because so many people ship them because of how important for queer representation a ship like Buddie becoming canon could be. I also want to see Oliver actually get to play Buck in a relationship he's proud to talk about.

[zepskies]

The Honorable Choice - Part 3

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC 

Summary: June 1872. Captain Dean Winchester of the U.S. Cavalry is tasked with one job: break a wild mustang. He just didn’t expect the woman who infiltrates his camp, intent on freeing her tribe’s horse.

AN: The last chapter! Hold on, it's about to get bumpy...

Disclaimer: I got inspired after a recent rewatch of Spirit: The Stallion of the Cimarron (literally a perfect movie), as well as having Yellowstone in the back of my brain. I’ve done extensive research for this one, both on the American Indian Lakota tribe, and on American history during this time in the late 1800s (AKA: the Old West, during the American Indian Wars and the Sioux Wars). Of course, one of my main goals is to avoid inaccuracies, both historical and cultural.

**Pronunciation guide at the end!

Jacklesverse Bingo24 Prompt: @jacklesversebingo Western AU

Song Inspo: The Spirit Soundtrack

Word Count: 5.7K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only. Protective Dean, survival situations, smut (mutual masturbation, fingering, and more), angst, and fluff.

🐎 Series Masterlist || Bingo Masterlist

🎙️ Listen to the podfic version here!

Part 3: Worthy

They travel together for two more days. Dean isn’t really a talkative man, but inevitably, he finds himself speaking to fill the comfortable stretches of quiet plodding across the grasslands.

He tells her about growing up on his family’s farm, where his father was firm but fair, and a larger-than-life presence when Sam and Dean were kids. His mother though, she was the only one who could ever go toe to toe with John Winchester and win.

“She tamed him,” Mila remarks with a smile. Dean’s lips quirk in response.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he chuckles, “but he knew he couldn’t pull a whole lot of shit with Mom. She’s a real pistol when she’s gotta be.”

Talking about them makes his heart heavy and sobers his mood, so he deflects with other stories, other chapters of his life. 

He talks about going through basic training alongside Benny Lafitte. As privates, Dean pranked his friend by filling his lumpy old pillow with raw eggs and chicken feathers. In retaliation, Benny swapped Dean’s morning coffee with actual dirt and hot water. Their boyish games escalated until they were nearly kicked out of the military.

Dean managed to smooth things over though. He’s always had a way of charming people, even the gruff Sergeant Major, Bobby Singer.

Mila admits that she and her cousin Šóta used to sneak out of the village when they were younger. He taught her how to climb trees, how to fight and protect herself, and how to ride a horse astride, like a man. He was the only one who ever encouraged her to have the “free mind” her mother dreamed about.

The more she confides in him, her eyes sparking with life and her hands gesticulating along with her words, the more Dean listens.  

On the third day, it’s nearing mid-afternoon when Dean slows Baby to a stop. After miles and miles of forest and grassland covered, they’ve finally approached a large, wide river. Mila stops beside him.

“My tribe lives beyond the river,” she says, “but the current is strong now.”

Dean looks over at her. A question he hasn’t wanted to ask crops back up. He feels that now is the time to voice it.

“Yeah, about that…I’m thinking your tribe doesn’t take very well to outsiders,” he says. “White men in particular.”

Mila presses her lips together. He can tell she’s been thinking the same thing, but she turns to him with a determined set to her features.

“I will protect you,” she says.

Dean frowns. He doesn’t like the sound of that. On one hand, it warms him that she seems to really mean it. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to know what it’ll take for her to protect him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks.

She turns her face away and doesn’t seem to want to answer at first.

“Mila…”

“The Chief is my uncle,” she says at last. “He will listen to me.”

Dean blinks. Well, that changes things…maybe.

He’s still not convinced, but at this point, he really doesn’t have many options. It’s either take his chances with her tribe, or become a vagabond. He’s not sure how long he could survive in wilds of the West alone, especially while trying to dodge military patrols.

In the past three days, it’s taken Dean all that time to come to terms with a simple fact. He’ll likely never see his brother again, or his mother. It’s a pain that cuts into him deeply, down to his bones. It stings behind his eyes.

But if he only has two choices, then he at least wants to make sure Mila gets home safely…even if that means he won’t be.

He’s come this far. If his career is worth the price of what he feels is right, then his life is worth it too.

With that decision made, Dean expels a long, somewhat faltering breath. He locks away the rest of his uncertainty, his apprehension, and even his grief. He hides deep inside, where she won’t see it. 

“All right, the current doesn’t look too bad over here,” he says, pointing to farther north along the river. “The horses can make it.”

Mila nods in agreement. She still looks uneasy, though she tries to hide it too. She ventures ahead into the river. Dean follows close behind.

The water is shallow at first, but it all too quickly gets deeper. The horses plod over the river stones and vegetation under the surface, and the humans are led deeper, until they’re submerged into the water up to their waists.

It’s good that Mila rides that giant mustang; if she were on a mare, like Dean, she’d already be sunk up to her shoulders. Baby’s a big girl, to be sure, but Mila is nearly a foot shorter than him, with a smaller frame. He watches her carefully as she makes her way ahead of him.

That’s why he’s able to act fast when Mato slips, dunking Mila under the water. She gasps and tries to cling onto him, but the current is fierce. It pushes Mato down the river no matter how much he scrambles and kicks at the water, braying wildly in distress.

Shit! Dean tugs sharply at Baby’s reigns and strives to catch up to them. He grabs Mato’s reigns and pulls and pulls, until he and Baby are able to drag him to the other side of the river where he can get a foothold with his hooves.

Mila is starting to fall off his back. She struggles to cling on while the river pushes at her, with her wet hair falling in her eyes. Dean leans back as far as he can to try and pull her up.

“It’s okay, I’ve gotcha,” he calls out, even though his heart hammers with alarm.

She reaches out for his hand in turn. Just as his fingers begin to close over hers, a wave from the current crashes into her. A short scream tears from her throat after she loses her grip on Mato’s neck. Without her weight, he’s able to pull himself back up onto the bank along with Baby.

Damn it! Gut-wrenching alarm spears Dean into action. He leaps down from Baby and removes his gloves, his hat, and his uniform jacket, so he can dive into the water. Thank God he’s a strong swimmer.

Mila seems to be too. She carves through the water against the current the best she can and tries to keep her head above the waves, but Dean can see it’s a losing battle. He manages to grab hold of her arm, and then wraps an arm around her waist to keep her close. Both of them work together to try and cling to any passing rock or low-hanging vine as the current sweeps them out toward an ultimate end.

A waterfall.

Of course. Goddamn it. Dean doesn’t know how steep it is on the other side, and he doesn’t want to know. All he’s trying to do is keep himself and Mila above the water.

She hooks her hand around a sharp rock. It bites into her hand, making her cry out, but she clings to it for all she’s worth. She holds onto Dean just as tightly, even though the current wants to take him. She tries to pull him closer, close enough for him to get a hold on the rock as well.

This time, it’s Dean who loses his footing. The rocks slip beneath the soles of his feet when he attempts to gain some leverage.

A shout of surprise escapes from him when he fails, and it gets swallowed up by water rushing down his throat.

“Dean!” Mila yells, for the first time using his name. The last thing he registers is the fear in her eyes—afraid for him.

The river takes him over the edge of the abyss, and he falls.

He never expected that he would get to open his eyes again, let alone to the sight that greets him. Mila’s familiar face, framed by the dark, drying waves of her hair, is bright with firelight. It dances in orange-gold across her features. Her eyes are warm like rich molasses when she looks down and finds him awake.

She smiles in relief.

He realizes that he’s lying on soft grass with his head pillowed in her lap. She’s taken off his boots and half of his white undershirt; she tore one of his sleeves to wrap around a mercifully shallow gash in his shoulder.

The horses are drinking from the river nearby, with a pile of apples split between them. There’s a fish roasted over the fire, but all Dean cares about is the way her fingers are running through his hair. She sings a soft song under her breath while she passes her other hand over his injured arm without touching it.

He doesn’t understand the words, but he thinks she might be trying to heal him. He’s heard plenty of stories about the Sioux people, most he’s taken with a grain of salt. He does remember Cas saying that their healers are different from doctors.  

Dean’s never given their hoodoo much thought, but right about now, he hopes it works.

“Mornin’,” he croaks.

Mila’s relieved face becomes touched with amusement.

“It’s night,” she says. “You slept for a long time.”

Dean wants to sit up and take an inventory of his injuries, but he can’t make his body move just yet. He’s too tired and bruised. He also likes being in her arms. He likes her fingers in his hair, now moving to his cheek. He sighs through his nose in contentment as her thumb drifts over his overgrown stubble. 

“Thank you,” she says. Emotion is thick in her voice.

Dean meets her eyes again, and he smiles. He raises the back of his hand to touch her smooth cheek, gently. He lets his fingers glide across her tan skin, down the column of her neck. Her breath hitches.

She takes his calloused hand in her slender one. Her long hair falls like a curtain over her shoulder, almost like it’s shielding them from whatever is left to come for them beyond the forest. Dean wraps an ebony strand around his finger, just to feel it fall loosely again.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he says.

Mila graces him with another smile from her lips. He wants to know what they taste like.

“I guess you are pretty, for a White Man,” she says teasingly.

Her fingers trace his brow, his jawline, even the tip of his chin. She seems to be avoiding his plush mouth, even though her gaze keeps dropping there. Dean pretends to frown.

“Sweetheart, that’s not the way you talk about a man,” he says.

Her brows raise. “No?”

“Handsome. Strong. Toothsome, if you will,” he says, enjoying the way she begins to blush. “That’s what you wanna call a man.”

“Toothsome. I don’t know this word,” she admits. “Am I supposed to eat you?”

Dean resists the urge to say the first incorrigible thing that pops into his head. Instead, his body shakes with laughter.

It’s difficult at first, all his muscles pulling at him in protest, but he raises himself into a sitting position. He cups Mila’s cheek, dragging his thumb across her lower lip. Her lashes are dark and long. They move when she looks up at him. He knows the look in her eyes, wanting, desiring, but also unsure of what she should allow him.

Dean leans in slowly, giving her time to decide.

She tilts her face up to his. He noses at her cheek, his eyes falling closed along with hers.

He finds her lips with his own on instinct and feeling alone. Soft and tender movements, testing, asking.

She answers him. Her fingers tangle in the front of his tattered shirt as her lips begin to move against his. Dean wraps an arm around her waist and gathers her against his chest. His other hand glides down her arm, down her side and along every soft curve. Her clothes are still damp, and so are his.

“It’ll be faster to dry our clothes if we’re not wearing ‘em,” Dean rumbles. His voice is deep with desire. He presses kisses along the side of her jaw, behind her ear, down her neck and shoulder. He earns her pleased hum, her heavier breaths, and her fingers once again in his hair.

“I can’t,” she gasps. She says something in her native tongue, too fast for Dean to even register. He slows down so he can meet her eyes.

“What was that?” he asks. Her face falls, and she starts to trip over her words.

“I am not…how you say, married. I have to be…”

Dean smiles ruefully, sliding a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Chaste?” he offers. She nods, her brows furrowed. Her grip on his shirt tightens.

“Yes,” she says. “In the eyes of my people, it is…”

“I get it,” Dean says. When she still seems conflicted, he presses a kiss to her forehead. 

“Really, I understand,” he says.

His problem is that he stares into her eyes too long, and at her kiss-swollen lips. He dives back in for another taste.

This time, he’s a little less gentlemanly than he promised. His tongue sweeps along her lower lip, begging entrance. She makes a sound of surprise, but she opens up to him. Her gentle hands slide up his chest to hold his face, and her thumbs stroke his cheeks. He holds one of her wrists to keep her there as his tongue dances with hers. She tastes like the river, and like salty tears.

Had she cried for him? How long did she sit with his body, waiting to see if he would wake up?

Despite those worrying thoughts, Dean knows this feels right. More right than he’s ever felt.

It’s harder than he might’ve imagined, but he still pulls away, before he won’t be able to stop himself. Mila pants for breath. She seems to feel she should let him go, but also doesn’t show any sign of wanting to. Smiling, Dean caresses her cheek one more time before he turns to the fish she roasted.

“This looks good,” he says, clearing his throat. “What kinda fish is this?”

With a sigh, she attempts to steady herself and moves to join him by the fire.

That night, Mila dreams.

She dreams of wings, white and beautiful. She hears the cry of an eagle before she sees his great wingspan take off in flight. He soon finds his mate, and they dance together in the sky. 

When she wakes, the fire has gone out and it’s still dark in the night. It takes her a moment to realize that she’s safe. Finally safe.

And she’s lying securely in Dean’s arms.

She’s no longer conflicted when she stares up at his face.

She will bring him home to her tribe, and she will explain. If they still don’t welcome him, then she prays for the strength to keep to her honor. Because now, she begins to realize…

Her heart has already chosen.

“Kimmímila, what have you done?” her uncle asks in the language of their people.

He is Tahatan, Chief of their tribe.

Mila’s father, Chatan, and her cousin Šóta have tied Dean Winchester to a post in the center of the Chief’s large tipi. Dean kneels with his head bowed in respect, even though he keeps sneaking looks at Mila to try and gauge what’s happening. He doesn’t understand a word of any of it.

“You’ve brought this outsider into our village, this White Man!” Tahatan shouts, his voice deep and resounding.

Mila steps forward, despite her mother’s embarrassment and her father trying to grab her shoulder. For the second time in her life, she defies her father for what she believes is right. The first was to rescue a member of their tribe—because even a horse’s spirit should not be broken by greed.

“Uncle, I’ve told you the story, though you don’t want to believe it,” she says. “Dean Winchester saved me when he could have killed me, or worse. He defied his own people. He is dead to his own people, for me, and because of me. You may think they lack all honor, but this man is different.”

She looks over at Dean, and he meets her gaze. He wears an anxious frown as he looks between her and the chief, but she has a feeling that his fear is for her, not for himself.

She kneels beside him, then looks up at her uncle with all the stubbornness she’s ever possessed in her life. She feels it’s led her to exactly this moment.

“And we are one,” she says. Nerves trill up her spine as she says it. She predicts the way shock falls over the room. The way her father curses out loud, angry. The way her mother covers her mouth in dismay. The way the Chief takes a step back, tilting his head at his niece.

“You would take it that far?” he asks.

Her face doesn’t change. “It’s already done.”

Tahatan is beside himself, both angry and perplexed. He goes back to his chair of wicker and wood that lies centered in the room. He drops heavily into it. After a long while, in which he thinks in silence…he releases a heavy sigh. He gestures for his brother and his son to untie Dean. The men do so, but they don’t let him go free. They force him to stand and bring him forward to kneel again before the Chief.

“Dean Winchester,” Tahatan says.

“Yes, sir,” Dean replies.

“You prove yourself to be a man with honor,” he says in English. “Kimmímila has chosen you. She claims you have chosen her in return. Do you deny this?”

Dean glances over at her. She bites the inside of her lip, a bit worried about how he’ll react. She’s not sure he completely understands what Tahatan is telling him, but he nods, regardless.

“No, sir. I don’t deny it,” Dean says.

“Then, you will be allowed to stay, and live among us,” Tahatan declares. "We will see for ourselves what you are. We will see if you are worthy."

Dean gives a nod, crossed with a bow of some kind. He obviously isn’t sure of what he’s supposed to do, but he does say thank you. Mila wraps her hands around his uninjured arm and helps him to his feet. She smiles at him to let him know that the worst is over. He blows out a breath in relief.

“Is that it?” he whispers. He expected more of a thrashing, if he’s honest.

“Almost,” she replies. The two of them stop short before her father, Chatan.

Dean straightens up and holds out his hand. “Sir.”

Chatan glances down at the white hand extended toward him. His gaze raises back up to Dean. 

He grunts in acknowledgement, but he turns on his heels and storms out of the tipi. Her mother comes forward next. She examines Dean from all angles. She takes his face in her hand, somewhat squishing his cheeks, so she can look deeply into his startled eyes.

She seems satisfied by what she finds, and she lets him go. Afterward, she takes Mila’s hand and heaves a deep sigh.

She kisses her daughter’s hand and says nothing else, leaving them to find her husband and calm him down.

Dean turns to Mila with a look that says, please tell me that’s it.

She smiles more genuinely.

“Come,” she says.

She leads him by the hand out of the Chief’s tipi and through the village. Dean takes in the rows of other tall, cone-like structures covered in buffalo skin, as well as all the faces that turn to stare at him in a mix of curiosity, wariness, and even fear. Some of them whisper to each other, taking their children by the hand and keeping them close.

Dean’s still on guard himself, even when Mila takes him to a smaller tipi. It’s been closed up for a while now, by the look of it. Weeds have grown right outside the entrance. 

“This one’s yours?” Dean asks.

She pauses, giving him another small smile. “Ours.”

Dean raises a brow. Ours. Really?

She opens the flap in the front and beckons him inside. There’s still enough daylight to shine through the outer lining. Inside, his gaze flits over the old pile of stones in the center for heating, clothes folded in the corner, some cooking pots and utensils, paintings on wood and clay, and a couple of beaded decorations. Buffalo skin bedding is laid out on the other side with a couple of soft looking furs. 

Son of a gun. Dean doesn’t even blink as he processes it all. He’s in a damn tipi. This is really about to become his life.

Shaking his head a little, he forces himself to focus on Mila. She’s his anchor, and she seems to sense that he’s reeling. She guides him to sit beside her on the bedding, holding his hands in hers. After a moment, he reaches up to tuck a curling strand of hair behind her ear.

“You didn’t get in too much trouble because of me, did you?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “No. My father and uncle are very similar. Strong to anger, but it is quick to run out. At least with me.”

Dean thinks he understands. Short fuse, quick fizzle.

“There is just…one thing,” Mila says. Her eyes fall away from his, like she’s embarrassed. He squeezes her hands.

“What?” he asks, his brows furrowing. It gets her to look at him again, but she seems worried to tell him.

“To convince my uncle to let you stay, I told them that we…” she trails, trying to find the right words in English. “That we are married.”

Dean’s brows raise high. His heart trips up faster. Okay, “ours” makes a lot more sense now.

“I am sorry,” she says quietly. “I didn’t want you hurt—”

“Sweetheart,” Dean says, cupping her cheek. Even with the hammering of his heart, he grins. “I’m pretty sure that’s where this was going anyway.”

In fact, this is a best-case scenario, as far as he’s concerned. He leans in to kiss her, and it doesn’t take long at all for her to sigh in relief, melting against him.

“We’re married, huh?” he asks. “No ceremony? No white dress?”

“We are bonded,” she replies, nodding as she meets every one of his kisses. “Or, we will be.”

She tugs him closer and revels in the feeling of his hands beginning to roam her body, sliding down her waist, her hips and thighs.

“Guess that means we have to seal the deal,” he grins. His lips drift away from hers to burn a familiar path across her cheek. He takes to nibbling her ear, making her flinch and laugh as it tickles.

“Seal-the-deal. What does that mean?” she asks.

Dean chuckles lowly in her ear. “Oh, I think you know.”

He guides her onto her back, over the comfortable mess of furs. He wants to take his time exploring every inch of soft, tan skin, but he first sweeps her hair away from her eyes, the back of his hand brushing against her cheek. She smiles up at him softly.

“Do you regret?” she whispers, reaching up to touch his chin with two slender fingers. “Do you regret helping me?”

Dean considers her question. He knows he’ll carry his family in his heart until the day he dies. His brother, his mother, the memory of his father. Benny and Cas, even Jack, and so many others.

It’s already a heavy burden, but he had always been prepared to lose his life on the battlefield, in service of his country. At least this way, he gains a new life. 

“No. Never did,” Dean replies. “Not even once.”

He bows his head toward hers, and he proves it to her. His lips capture hers, fueled by passion and wanting. Mila’s hands slide over his shoulders and down his back. Maybe without her realizing it, she implores him to let go of the weight heaped on his shoulders.

When he begins to bunch up the hem of her dress, she sits up to help guide his hands. Her quickening breaths mesh with his as the first layer of clothing drops beside the bedding. His tattered shirt joins her dress, along with pants and shoes and boots, until all that’s left is skin against warm, bare skin. He lays on his side right beside her and explores wherever she lets him begin.  

“Beautiful,” Dean murmurs, as his lips follow the column of her neck, down between her breasts. Her breaths rise to meet him, especially when he begins to toy with a dark, pebbled nipple. Her fingers slip through his hair, and his name falls from her lips. He palms one breast while kissing and gently teasing the other, exploring sensitive flesh and grazing her sensitive fleshwith his teeth.

“No man’s ever touched you?” he asks, despite knowing the answer.

She shakes her head, her fingers gripping his hair tighter as his lips and tongue move against her skin.

“No,” Mila gasps a reply. Her hand slides down the back of his neck, and the more he teases her, her nails soon create faint red lines down his back, her thighs squeezing together. She feels a throbbing ache at the very center of her. Despite her inexperience with men, she knows what it means, and she knows what she wants.

Dean’s mouth drags away from her breast. He pulls back so he can meet her eyes. A smile curves his lips, and he takes one of her hands from his shoulders. 

“Have you ever touched yourself?” he asks. He guides her hand down her body, brushing over a wet, sensitive nipple, down her stomach, and between her legs. This time, Mila nods in answer. She stares up at Dean with eyes like molten honey. He leans in to kiss her neck.

“Show me,” he says.

She shudders at the depths in his voice. It increases the flood of wetness she already feels, even before she slips two fingers between the folds of her sex. She gathers some of that slick and circles it over the source of her pleasure, the small nub above her entrance.

Dean takes his hardened length in his hand. While she writhes by her own hand, he drinks her in with his eyes. A soft groan falls from his lips as he pumps himself a few times, sliding a thumb across the weeping head of his cock.

He can’t be a spectator for long though. He nips tantalizingly at her neck, creating a zing of added sensation across her skin. She whimpers, though she tries to stifle it, her knee bending further.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Dean says. “Let me hear you.”

He releases himself and replaces her hand with his own. He slips two long fingers inside her drenched entrance, earning a gasping moan from her. She latches onto his shoulders and buries her face into his neck. She whispers fervent things he doesn’t understand, but it only spurs him on.

His thumb circles insistently over her clit as his fingers pulse inside her. Her hips buck a needy rhythm against his hand, until her thighs begin to shake, and her inner walls squeeze even tighter around his fingers.

“Shit, that’s it, baby,” he pants gruffly against her cheek. “Let go for me.”

Warmth snaps and floods from her throbbing core, and she cries out near his ear, her nails biting into his skin. Her release coats his fingers.

Mila drops her head back against the furs underneath her. Her chest rises and falls quickly while she tries to catch her breath, her eyes tightly shut. Dean surprises her with a soft kiss.

“Mila,” he prods. He wants to see her eyes again, so pretty and wanton when she comes. He veers away from her lips to kiss her cheek, and then the other side of her neck. “Let me see you, sweetheart.”

She huffs a small laugh. Opening her eyes, she gestures to her bare body. “This is not enough?”

Dean’s lips tug at a smile. He shakes his head. “As a matter of fact, no.”

He shifts over her, finding his place between the cradle of her thighs. His elbows come to rest on either side of her head. She feels trapped by his body, even as she welcomes his weight and the feeling of his arousal, long and heavy and hard, trapped between their bodies. This man fills every corner of her world in this moment.

“If I’m your husband now, that means I get all of you,” he says with a grin. She gazes up at him, both in blushing amusement and affection.

“All of me,” Mila repeats. She takes his face in her hands and brings him closer, until her lips are a whisper from his. “Then I want all of you.” 

Dean chuckles. “You sure about that?”

She smiles in satisfaction, and her lips claim him this time. One kiss turns into many, each one mounting in passion and desire. Dean groans into her when she begins to touch him. Her hands are soft, but direct in their seeking; they caress his shoulders, run down his chest and stomach, and then, more tentatively explore the now painfully hard length of him pressing against her.

He makes a grateful sound of pleasure when her hand wraps around his cock, squeezing gently. His fingers bury themselves in her hair.

“I want all of you,” she says, this time a plea and a demand all at once as she strokes him.

Dean nods in agreement. He’s come this far. He can do that for her too.

He spreads her thighs a bit wider and encourages her to adjust the angle of her hips for him. His hand glides down her plush thigh and gets a healthy grip. Then he slides his hand under hers and guides his cock through her folds, first just holding himself at her warm, wet entrance.

He manages to wait for a second, in order to meet her gaze. She’s already holding onto his arms tightly, like he’s become her anchor. Her thighs wrap around his hips and beckon him closer.

Slowly, he pushes inside. He takes care in how he works her open. She winces at the sting of his girth stretching her, but his fingers once again massage her clit, stroking her arousal back into a keening flame. He swallows her gasps and moans as he bottoms out inside her, fully sheathed. Tears prick at her eyes, but not from pain.

Mila’s dream flashes like a waking vision behind her eyes. Wings take flight, along with the gleam of a golden beak and a sharp eye.

She blinks, and the image disappears. She’s left with the man who has become hers, making love to her with every stroke of him deep inside her. She presses grateful kisses across his neck and shoulder, wherever she can reach while she clings to his strong arms.

The thick head of him brushes a sensitive place over and over, one that tightens the coil in her lower belly and makes her core tremble again with warmth, until her body convulses against him, pulsing in pleasure, gripping him tight from the inside. Mila’s fingers clench in his hair just as tightly as her release hits her in a powerful wave; even her voice becomes lost to it.

Gritting his teeth, Dean grips the soft flesh of her hip and chases his own end. The way her inner walls choke his cock, he has no choice but to come hot inside her, his spend mixing with her own release. A strangled shout tears from his throat.

He has to brace himself before he crushes her. With his forearms resting on either side of her head, he lowers his forehead against hers. Her legs slip from where they’ve been tightly molded to his hips, her feet meeting the floor. Eventually he slips out of her. He watches his seed drip out and create a mess on the dark furs. The sight of it satisfies something primal deep inside him.

Later he’ll ask her about washing up (and about supper), but for now, he just turns onto his back beside her. She inches toward him, and he raises an arm so she can splay out against his side. They both lay there for a moment in the quiet, just catching their breath together. It marks the end of a long journey, and yet, the start of one too.

Mila turns to raise onto her elbow. She reaches over to wipe the sweat from his brow in a tender touch. Dean smiles up at her. He takes her hand and presses a kiss into her palm.

“I could get used to this,” he says.

Her eyes widen in surprise, but then she laughs softly. “Yes.”

Her hand moves down to his chest, over his heart. She sobers as she considers her people, and how much trust has yet to be bridged—not only her own father and uncle, but the entire tribe. When she led him through the village, they called him wašíču.

Fat-taker. Greedy White. Not one of us.

“It will be hard for you here,” Mila says. She worries it will be too hard for Dean.  

He just squeezes her hand, earning her attention through tumultuous thoughts.

“I’m not afraid of a little hard work,” Dean replies. His usual confident charm is infused in his smile, but she has a feeling he’s just trying to reassure her.

Sensing she’s not convinced, Dean reaches up to hold her cheek, guiding her to look at him and not the floor.

“Listen. I made my choice, and I’m sticking it out, come hell or high water,” he says.

Mila’s brows knit together. “Hell-or-high… What does that mean?”

Dean sits up on his elbow along with her. He takes her chin between his fingers and meets her gaze.

“It means if you want me, you’ve got me. The rest, we’ll figure out as we go along,” he says.

A smile slowly lightens Mila’s face. She tilts her chin up to meet him with a kiss.

“I will be with you,” she says. It’s a promise.

Dean smiles back.

“Good,” he says. “Because that’s just about all I need.”

AN: There we have it, friends. 💜 I really, truly hope you enjoyed this mini series! To be honest, I have more ideas for this little world (like how Dean might try to assimilate into this culture), but I'll leave it to you guys to let me know if that's something you'd be interested in reading.

Until then, I would love to know what you thought of this chapter! 

Pronunciation Guide:

Šóta ("sho-tah") Chatan ("chat-tan") Tahatan ("ta-hat-tann") Wašíču ("wash-ee-jew")

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The Journalists (Part 1): Katey from But Why Tho

The Journalist who Takes No Bullshit from Other Journalists Paid Writers

(Part 2) (Part 3)

Katey Stoetzel wrote a review about episode 8x06 "Confessions":

So far, this article is my favorite 9-1-1 review. I feel like Katey was reading my mind while she was writing this piece. Things which she mentioned in it, among others:

"...the election results play into the strong reactions surrounding this breakup."

"...this explanation leans on biphobic stereotypes, such as bisexual people not knowing what they want, or needing to sleep around with a lot of people to know what they want."

"After referring to Buck exclusively by his first name, Evan, Tommy immediately distances himself from his intimate connection with Buck. And that feels pretty definitive."

"...thanks to Lou Ferrigno Jr’s performance in 9-1-1 Season 8 Episode 6, who layers so many nuances to Tommy in this scene that it would be a disgrace to not follow up on this character,..."

"...if we don’t then all the show has done is leave a gay man lost, heartbroken, and alone with seemingly no plans to resolve it."

Rarely, I found a piece of writing where almost every word was resonated with me. I could rave on and on about this review (I've told you that it was my favorite). However, it's better if you read it by yourself, if you haven't done it yet.

*********

Katey also interviewed Lou Ferrigno Jr. about the break up storyline.

For Tevan fans, this interview is like an oasis in the desert. First of all, it is the only interview with Lou after the break up, which is not saddled with Buddie questions 🙄. Secondly, Katey brought up Tevan fans' reaction to the discussion. Something which has been omitted by the paid writers who were pandering to toxic Buddie fans. The interview makes us feel seen. Probably, this is how we'd feel if we had a thoughtful queer story on TV, in which queer characters were not put aside, sad, alone, brokenhearted, or dead 😔.

*********

Initially, I thought I might be biased towards Katey, just because she also liked Tevan. Thus, I decided to read her review about episode 8x08 "Wannabes":

Oh boy, did she deliver! Every complaint about the episode which I've read on Tumblr is included in her review. And it's not just about Tevan:

"...[This episode] features a lot of Brad... is an odd choice, considering main characters like Maddie (Jennifer Love Hewitt) and Chimney (Kenneth Choi) have barely gotten to do anything this first half of the season. Eddie (Ryan Guzman), too, feels underutilized...."

"Brad gets regulated to chores (why is he getting more screen time at the 118 than anyone else again?)...."

"And there’s still the Shannon of it all. The fallout from the Hitchcock-inspired soap drama of 9-1-1 Season 7 hasn’t adequately addressed Eddie’s grief."

"...this part of the episode [how the suicidal man was saved] rings really hollow for a bit centered around suicide."

"...Episode 8 doesn’t have a mid-season vibe to it... besides Eddie potentially moving, there’s nothing juicy enough to send us off on a five-month hiatus. Bobby and Athena’s house situation hasn’t been discussed since Episode 4. Hen (Aisha Hinds) and Karen (Tracie Thoms) haven’t been around since 9-1-1 Season 8 Episode 5. While they got a lot of focus during the Ortiz storyline, Hen hasn’t had much to do in recent episodes."

"...Buck’s obvious want to call Tommy feels like he has unresolved issues with how things ended (we do, too.) However, the implication in interviews that it’s over between Buck and Tommy is CONFUSING... having Buck taking no action in the wake of this breakup so far, especially heading into hiatus, is a little frustrating."

I'm not the only one who resonates with Katey's review. At this point, I'm almost certain that Katey has been lurking on Tumblr, reading our rants one by one 😂. The mention of "Hitchcock-inspired soap", "the Shannon of it all", and "why is he [Brad] getting more screen time at the 118 than anyone else again?" made me laugh. Her articles show that this woman got brain, and a sharp tongue. I'm sure Katey could match firefighter pilot Thomas Kinard in a duel of words, and probably even won over him.

*********

@earthquakebi also praised another body of work from Katey: a Season 8A deep dive by Jose Cordova & Katey Stoetzel on Between TV podcast:

*********

However, Katey's bravest and most impressive article that I've read so far is a rather old one (recommended by @nqueso-emergency). It's not a review on any episodes of the show. It is about its fandom, and the press around it. The article was published on April 25. 2024, only 21 days after Buck's bisexual revelation first aired on April 4, 2024:

In this article, Katey criticized the paid writers who had been questioning "whether or not Buddie... is on the table", although it had "no basis in what’s happening on screen." She also pointed out that what those paid writers had been doing "creates a vicious cycle of misinterpretations, baiting, toxic fandom habits, and deciding that there’s only one way to interpret something." and "ridiculous expectations and assumptions all just centered around CLICKS and ENGAGEMENT."

It is interesting that she put the blame on the paid writers for FANNING TOXIC BEHAVIORS among fandom.

Katey didn't name names, but she inserted links to several articles and one video, while pointing out the baseless fandom pandering aspects on those bodies of work. And she certainly didn't mince her words 😂.

Her article is closed by a contemplative paragraph about journalism in the entertainment world:

"There’s a duty one has when sitting down for an interview with a cast, and that’s TO INQUIRE about the show that they have worked hard to bring us. And they definitely SHOULDN'T BE USED as an opportunity TO VALIDATE A FANDOM SHIP. That road just leads to disappointment, and an unfair insistence that if anyone disagrees, then they’re wrong. That’s not what fandom should be about. And it’s certainly not what entertainment journalism is about." 

[applebutter-and-cinnamon]

Breath of Life

Pairing: Joe Rantz x OC (Sadie)

Warnings: Drowning, Choking on Water, Passing out, Being unable to swim

Disclaimer: I've never actually drowned before, so if I've gotten some things wrong I apologize.

Boys in the Boat Masterlist

This is not meant to be a reflection of the real person that was portrayed in the Boys in the Boat. It is a work of fiction.

Joe's lungs were burning when Bobby finally yelled at them to ease up. Coach Ulbrickson signaled at them to head back to the docks when they were ready before speeding off in his boat ahead of them.

It was an unusually sunny day in Seattle. The water was calm and they had glided through the water easily all throughout practice. He was winded and tired, but in a remarkably good mood. The boys ahead and behind him were tilting their heads back toward the sun and running their fingers through the crisp water outside their boat.

Bobby let them all rest a moment before signaling with a shout to begin rowing back to the shell house. They rowed as if each passing second was a luxury. He and the rest of his shells crew were a well-oiled unit when they were all focused on keeping their heads in the boat and nowhere but in the boat.

They pulled up to the docks, pulled themselves out of the shell, and carried it out of the water into the shell house. Bobby, who was too short to be much of a help in carrying it, walked in front of them. He cleared the way and opened doors, making it easier for them to store it quickly.

Joe only felt the day catch up to him when they hit the showers and he felt the long, continuous stream of water falling softly against the skin of his back. He was hoping to see Sadie later in the day, she liked to study under a giant oak tree after her last lecture of the day and if he caught her in a good mood, he thought he might be able to convince her to study later and spend some time with him instead.

He wasn't the only guy in the boat with a girl he was eager to get to after practice. Roger had a date lined up with his Annie and Shorty had said something earlier about meeting up with a new girl that he'd met the previous night. Joe had never seen Don with a girl, but he was pretty sure that his stroke had plans to study with Bobby.

Joe toweled off and dressed himself quickly, his mind navigating the quickest path towards the oak tree that Sadie loved. He'd finished tying his shoes when the first desperate screams of a young woman echoed through the boathouse.

There was a brief moment, when the guys shared shocked looks with one another before they all burst into motion. Leaving through the locker room door and out into the main storage room of the shell house. Moving quickly, he was able to see the coaches also peaking their heads out of their office in alarm. Mr. Pocock appeared too, out of the workshop on the second story and holding a tool in his right hand.

To Joe's surprise he recognized the girl who was panicking desperately in the face of one of the freshman boys. It was Lily, one of Sadie's friends, who was pulling harshly at the boys arm trying to get him to follow her.

"Lily?" She turned toward him the second he called out her name in confusion. Her eyes were filled with tears that were pouring down her cheeks as she hurried over to him, grabbing his arm and pulling her with him. She was breathing so hard that it was hard to understand what she was saying outside of an obvious call for help. "What's wrong? What is it?"

He didn't like the look she was giving him. It was so full of not just fear, but blood curdling panic. It wasn't for her though, it seemed to be for someone else and at the way she was gripping his arm, turning it white with her strength, Joe had a stomach dropping feeling at who it might be for.

"It's Sadie, someone pushed her in the water."

~~~

Sadie tilted her head back, basking in the beautiful Seattle sunshine. It had been days, upon days of endless rainfall and when the clouds had parted to reveal the sun's golden rays shining through the windows in her lecture hall, she couldn't help but smile. Thankfully, her professor had also seen the rare sunshine and had released them early for the day, rushing his way out ahead of everyone else.

Following the rest of her classmates out into the warm air, Sadie saw the oak tree that normally pulled her to rest beneath it's offer of shade. Whether to study or to stare at a cloudy sky, she normally would take it up on it's offer of respite.

Sadie glanced down at the watch on her wrist, she'd gotten out of her lecture early enough that if she hurried, she might be able to catch Joe after practice. She missed him. He had been extremely busy between rowing, saving money up for his tuition, and his homework that it had been hard for them to find the time to spend together. She was determined to find the time to spend with him today.

She redirected her course and set out for the University of Washington's shell house. It was a little bit far from where her lecture was, but it was so nice out that Sadie found herself enjoying the walk. The breeze messed her hair but it also carried the scent of fresh water and sweet grass. She had to meander around groups of other students but it was so nice to see everyone smiling instead of rushing from building to building.

The ground grew steeper, sloping down towards the water's edge as she drew closer. From a distance, she could make out a group of tall, young men carrying their boats inside. She couldn't see Joe's crew but there wasn't anyone else out on the water either so she assumed that he was inside showering and resigned herself to waiting.

She had begun to look for a large tree to occupy her time under when she spotted a flickering hand in the air, waving back and forth to get her attention. Following the hand down, she was met with the dazzling white smile of Lily. She was smiling so hard that Sadie wondered if her cheeks were hurting, nevertheless, Sadie couldn't help but smile back at her, waving as she did.

"Come over here," Lily yelled, waving her over to where she rested on one of the floating docks. Sadie hesitated.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. Many of the other students liked to lay on the docks during nice weather to watch the rowing teams compete at the end of practice, but Sadie, who had never learned to swim had always found herself a bit uneasy on the docks. They had no railing and the water stretched endlessly down below them.

When Joe had taken her out to row she'd been nervous enough to distract herself from the uneasiness of being out on the open water. Plus, Joe had kept a steady hand on the small of her back, keeping her upright whenever she stumbled. Where Lily was on the docks, she'd have to navigate down a good portion of floating wood around some of the other students who were standing to leave now that practice was over and heading in the other direction.

Sadie glanced at the shell house, thinking over her own fears and looked back to where Lily was smiling brightly. It couldn't hurt, she guessed, and she wouldn't have to stay long. Once Joe came out she could quickly head back to the safety that was dry ground and spend the rest of her evening with her beau.

"Sadie!" Lily called again, laughing slightly in bewilderment at the stalled movement of her friend.

She forced a bright smile and placed a hesitant foot on the first slat of wood, "I'm coming!"

She kept one arm around her school books keeping them close to her chest as more of a comforting pressure than to keep them from falling in the water and she used her other arm, low as it was by her side, for stability. Sadie moved slowly, as courageous as she was trying to be, she could feel how hard her heart pounded and was perfectly fine with taking her time.

Moving quickly in the other direction, the last group of students on the docks walked by her and jostled the wood slightly as they did. She inhaled sharply at the movement then smiling politely as they tossed her concerned glances at the noise. She waited a moment for the dock to steady then continued on at her leisurely pace.

Sadie glanced up to measure the amount of distance remaining between herself and Lily. It wasn't too much further and then she could lower herself on the blue cotton blanket that Lily had spread out carefully to sit on. She'd already quirked a brow to begin saying something to Lily when the thud of rapid footsteps came up behind her. Sadie didn't have time to look to see who it was before they slammed into her shoulders and knocked her unsteady.

Her books slipped from their careful placement against her chest as her feet slid out from beneath her. She only had enough time to draw in a quick breath before she felt the water close around her head.

It was shockingly cold, she thought to herself. Distantly, she could make out the panicked voice of Lily calling out something above the water. Sadie knew enough about swimming to know that she needed to use her legs to propel herself up the surface of the water. Struggling, she kicked her legs, feeling her shoes slide off of her feet as she did. The water swished around her, moving her up before something tightened at her ankle pulling her back slightly, just as her outstretched finger broke the surface of the water.

She looked down to see a tangled strip of net caught around her ankle. Curling down, she did her best to loosen the net to free her foot from it's confines. Her lungs were burning with the desire to inhale and somewhere in the back of her mind, behind the panic that was building inside of her, she scolded herself for every other time in her life that she'd taken for granted the ability to breathe easily.

The water embraced her, keeping her in it's icy hold and caressing her hair as it floated all about her. It was beautiful, the way the sunlight trickled down through the surface of the water in golden rays. The sun was getting dimmer by the second and she wondered if she were sinking further down.

She couldn't hear Lily's voice anymore and but she hadn't caught the moment it had stopped. What she could hear was the hard pounding of her heart in her head, pounding just as hard as it had the first time she saw Joe smile.

In the next instant the water around her shook, moving her about in the water and bubbles danced along her skin. Rough, warm hands grabbed under her arms in an attempt to pull her up, halting only as the net pulled her back down. Sadie guessed it pulled her farther down this time as the sun's rays continued to disappear from her view.

The same rough hands grabbed her cheeks, shaking her gently and she forced her eyes open. The sun, she thought confused, was starting to look an awful lot like Joe. A very concerned and panicked Joe.

The urge to inhale was too strong for her to resist and her muscle began to work despite her telling it not too, forcing her to inhale a large lungful of icy water. Her body convulsed; hard.

The water shook again, moving further below her and she felt a vibrating sensation from the net around her ankle. She didn't have the energy to look down anymore though, instead, Sadie let her eyes fall closed.

The vibrating stopped after what could've been a moment and she felt herself being pulled through the water again. Rough hands were holding her close to a warm body and she let herself rest there as the world faded into nothing.

Distantly, in the part of her brain that was still working, Sadie was aware of many sets of hands pulling her out of the water and away from the warm chest she'd been resting on. In that same part of her brain, she could hear the panicked voices of Joe's crew as they scrambled around her.

It only took a moment for the familiar rough hands to come back to her, holding her cheeks tenderly for only a moment before she felt firm pressure on her chest. Those hands worked repeatedly against her chest for a moment before they parted her lips. Joe's lips slotted against hers, blowing warm breath into her mouth.

The hands stopped for a moment before picking back up, quicker and with more determination. Hands. Pressure. Lips and breath. Hands. Pressure. Lips and breath. Hands. Pressure. Lips and breath.

After a moment, her brain latched onto the repeated sound of Joe's voice in her ear.

"C'mon baby," he was saying, voice huffing as he worked. Joe's lips pressed against hers and as he breathed into her, she felt something begin to work its way up her lungs.

"Come back to me, Sweetheart," Joe sounded desperate, bordering on hysterical as he called out to her. His lips pressed against her's again, pushing the air into her lungs and this time Sadie forced her eyes open.

Joe knelt above her, blonde hair and a very pale face dripping with water. His eyes trained onto her every movement, while his face was twisted into a pained expression. His endlessly blue eyes were full of tears that he refused to let fall down his face as he concentrated on Sadie.

She gazed at him, unblinking. To her, he looked like the Greek gods of old with his wet, tan skin and shining gold hair. It could very well have been Poseidon or Apollo who had decided to bless her with their presence. Sadie couldn't understand though, why someone so beautiful would be crying and internally cursed whatever situation had put him through such anguish, to hell.

Sadie thought all of this in the split second between when she opened her eyes and when the water surged forward from her lungs back out through her mouth. It spilled over her lips and she felt herself being twisted onto her side as she coughed it out. A large hand rubbing her back as she did. She braced her weight on a shaking elbow so she could cough without hitting her head against the wood.

"There you go, Sadie," Joe encouraged, voice still strained. "Get it all out."

Every breath of air into her lungs caused more water to gush out, burning it's way out of her body. Sadie groaned, she had no idea that water could burn, had thought up until this moment in her life, that it was supposed to be fire's job to burn.

Around her, she could hear the sound of relieved murmuring voices that she had begun to recognize as Joe's crew. After a few agonizing breaths she forced herself to sit up, ignoring the voices telling her to lay down and slumped against Joe, who immediately wrapped her in his arms, supporting all of her weight.

She tucked her head into the darkness between his neck and his shoulder, listening to his heartbeat and listening to his breathing. Sadie forced the oxygen in her own lungs to mimic his rhythm and after a few breaths, Joe caught on to what she was doing.

He began exaggerating his breathing, forcing slow and steady breaths that she could replicate on her own. When she felt like she could breath at a normal rate without focusing all of her brain power to it, she pulled back to look around.

It couldn't have been too much longer since she went under. Lily's blanket was underneath her, the sun was still shining brightly, and the breeze was rustling the leaves of the trees around her. Don Hume was dripping wet, standing closest to them while six other crew members from Joe's boat stood closely behind him. Chuck Day with his arm around a crying Lily.

Joe gripped her cheek with one of his hands, drawing her attention back to him, "I'm going to carry you to the shell house, alright?" His voice trembled slightly but after she nodded her consent, he picked her up and held her securely against his chest. She rested her head against his shoulder, closed her eyes and let his steady rhythm of footfalls lull her away.

~~~

When Sadie gained consciousness, she was still in Joe's arms but they were not outside and they were not in the main room of the shell house. She was laying down on a small, twin mattress with her head resting on Joe's chest. His arms were holding her securely to him. He clung to her like she might slip away at any moment.

She recognized this room from when she'd been in it in passing. It was Joe's room, the one that he shared with Roger Davis, though Roger wasn't in it at present. Light shone through the closed blinds, but it was a soft pink of morning instead of the golden yellow of the afternoon.

As she looked around, she felt Joe stir against her. His eyes fluttered open, took in the fact that she was awake and that she was watching him. He seemed more relaxed now, though she made a mental note of the fact that he seemed unable to stop himself from touching her in some way.

"Hey there," his voice rumbled from deep in his chest, still rough with sleep. His eyes were soft and his thumb was rubbing small circles in the small of her back.

Sadie offered him a weak smile, "Hey."

His forehead was wrinkled with worry. "You gave me quite a scare," he confessed to her.

Sadie nodded, dropping her gaze from his. She brought her hand that was between them up to the center of his chest, drawing small shapes as she composed her thoughts.

Joe was quiet, content to lay with Sadie in his arms. She cleared her throat, "What happened?"

At her question, Joe began to sit up slightly and cradled her face in his hands as he studied her eyes and face. "You don't remember falling in the lake yesterday?"

Sadie reached up to hold one of his wrists in her hand, "I remember that part. I don't remember much else after slipping into the water."

"Lily came into the shell house, completely panicking," Joe started. "She said that you'd slipped into the water and hadn't come back out."

Joe stared at the wall as he recalled it to her. His eyes full of anguish and his grip on her tightened with the need to convince himself that she was beside him.

"We followed her out to where you'd fallen in and I jumped in to grab you out but you were stuck on something. Thankfully, Don noticed and jumped in after me. He had a pocket knife that he used to cut you free."

Sadie nodded, it all checked out to her. She could remember the vibrating sensation dancing up her foot while she was in the water.

"You couldn't have been in there for very long, but by the time we pulled you out, your lips were blue. You weren't breathing," Joe paused, breathing deeply. His eyes fell shut and he leaned his forehead against hers.

They rested like that for a short time while Joe tried to calm himself down, clutching to her like she was a lifeline. After a bit, Sadie pulled back and Joe opened his eyes to look at her. They were both sitting upright now but she rose up on her knees, hearing the mattress groan as she did.

She grabbed onto Joe's shoulders to steady herself and swung one of her legs across Joe's hips so that she was straddling him. His hands came up to rest on her hips, stabilizing her as she sat down on his thighs.

Sadie slid her hands from his shoulders and into his hair, caressing his blonde curls and massaging his scalp until his shoulders released the tension he was holding there.

Joe cleared his throat and looked at her, "You weren't breathing so we did CPR until you were. I carried you back to the shell house, Bobby had run to grab a Doctor while I went in after you so they checked you out."

"What did they say?" She asked, moving her thumbs up to smooth his temples. Joe leaning into her touch as she did.

"You were awake for that part," he hummed, "But, you feel back asleep pretty quickly after. Doc said you were fine and that you'd need to take it easy for the next couple of days. You were pretty out of it though, so I took you in here and we both fell asleep."

She shivered and Joe brought the quilt that was covering them both to wrap more tightly around her shoulders, while pulling her closer to him. "Thank you," she whispered.

He shook his head, "Please, don't ever do that again. I don't think I can handle it."

She laughed blankly, "I wasn't really trying to do it the first time either."

Joe nodded, "I know." He cupped her cheeks and brought her in for a slow, warm kiss that had her melting into his touch. It was a kiss that told her just how worried he had been and how glad he was to have her near him now.

Sadie responded in kind, gliding her hands across his skin and pouring all of her love for him into their kiss. Joe's hands flexed against her hips and turning his head, he deepened their kiss. His tongue parted her lips and he kissed her until all Sadie could taste, feel and hear was Joe Rantz.

A/N: Y'all I fell in love with this idea and was having such a fun time writing it up until the end. It sort of died there lol. Thanks for sticking it out til then and I'll do my best to keep writing for the boys.

[jams-sims]

Because its so late, I think I can say this. As much as I fucking hate purgatory. As a DM to a story I think its the most natural out for characters and Muns. Oh! my character can have either lived or died on the purg island? Do I feel like coming back? If the answer no. Easy out, no over the top feeling, no need to do a final stream if I dont want to. Just a stark sad tragic exit that leaves it mark. Because no one expected people to die on this silly fucking island. But deaths, mark very important and poignant moments. The island is curel and its consuming its islanders.

Max's death is one of sacrifice for his friends and the eggs. He was in a hole of loneliness, I think that loneliness took him as well. But I think qMax's death was a simple stepping stone while q!jaiden death will be a full on turn. See-

Jaiden death is probably the most fitting for her character because it is the most tragic. Q!Jaiden died when bobby died. She speant her days in a home just cluttered with his images and his likeness. She was being used by the Feds and I think deep down she knew that. Her connections were severed do to grief, her platonic husband while also spiraling found hope. He got married had a new kid and while he made sure people put some respect on her name when it came to Bobby. He had moved somewhere she could not get to him.

An in a way, I think that's all she truly needed. Her last connection, Roier was happy living his full life in a castle. An what did she have to go back to? A sunset in a house full of memories in a field of flowers surrounded by nothing. The week spent in purgatory felt like a century of suffering.

Something in her finally broke and maybe she didn't make it to the final part where everyone else was. Maybe she walked slowly, legs and feet numb. An she got to a clearing, the world is doused in chaos once again. An her ears are rinning with sirens. An all of it fades away as she stops, she stops limping along, she falls back into sitting on the cold earth.

She realizes their nothing waiting for her back on the island. What was the rush for? What was all the screaming and crying, the begging the longing. She's tired. She so tired of it all. All of it and what was it for? A new start that would never truly be hers.

She relax for the first time in a long time and the sunset looks beautiful. And she hopes that roier stays happy that all the eggs get to live happy and healthy lives.

She doesn't even hear the explosion. She closes her eyes. An when she opens them she in the air, weightless and flying. She has food she hasn't eaten in a long time. She tells Bobby not to worry, she happy now. Only to feel a swift kick to her shins. As Bobby takes her hand and she gets to tell him about all the thing she did after his passing.

She finally get to go back home.

[elizabethsnuts]

Hey girl 🌸, I just found your blog and saw that you write stories for 9-1-1 Daughter!Reader.

What do you think about Buck being a single father of Y/N, a pre-teen who is maybe only 13 years old and gets her period for the first time at school. Then the school calls Buck and explains to him what happened and why he has to come and pick her up. But before he picks her up, he stops at the pharmacy and buys the most important things. At home, he calms Y/N down and explains to her that this is all normal and that her body is changing. At the end, they cuddle up on the couch, drink hot chocolate and watch a Disney film.

I could really imagine something like that for Buck and besides, who wouldn't want to have such a great father who is so understanding and caring?! Maybe this idea is something for you and you can bring it to life.

Growing Up

Evan Buckley x Daughter!Reader

Summary: You get your first period during school and your dad comes to your rescue.

———

Growing up without a mother meant that you didn’t really have a female figure in your life to talk to and explain to you what happens to a girl's body when they go through puberty and the stages of when you grow up. Buck had been meaning to explain it to you, though he wasn’t sure when the right time was and how to do it properly without scaring you or confusing you.

You had somewhat of an idea of what a period was, learning about it in health class but that’s about it. It wasn’t something that you thought about all the time so you kind of pushed it to the back of your head, not wanting to worry about something that wasn’t happening yet. Though now it did happen, while you were sitting in class.

It had started out as a cramping in your lower abdomen, you chalked it up to just some average stomach ache. But as the class went on the cramping got more intense that you had to excuse yourself to the bathroom.

The moment you stepped into the girl's bathroom and in front of the mirror, you immediately saw the blood staining your pants. Panic ran through you, you were too shocked to think clearly about what could be happening, instead just thinking that all this blood probably meant you were dying. You quickly tied your sweater around your waist and left the bathroom, running to the nurse.

Buck was at the firehouse, everyone was finally able to have lunch without being interrupted by the loud alarm signalling a call. Just as he sat down at the table with his plate of food, his phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket. He sighed and fished his phone out, annoyed that he got interrupted just as he was able to eat his food, yet again. However, his expression quickly turned to mild concern as he saw it was your school calling.

He picked up the call, holding his phone up to his ear. “Hello? This is Evan.”

The voice of your school nurse immediately came from the other end. “Hello, Mr Buckley. It’s the school nurse speaking, nothing to worry about. I just have Y/N in the nurse's office, she has just gotten her period. We were hoping you could come pick her up. I have given her some pads and a heat pack so she’s alright for the minute.”

Buck's face dropped, his concern for you growing. He knew getting a period was absolutely normal and part of being a girl, but he still couldn’t help but feel worried for you. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there soon.” He got Bobby to let him leave his shift early so he could come pick you up from school.

He made a quick stop at the pharmacy before he got to your school, making sure to pick up some pads and pain relief, also sneaking in a couple of chocolate bars to cheer you up a bit.

Buck eventually arrived at your school, heading through the gates and walking into the nurse’s office. He saw you lying on one of the beds, a heat pack on your abdomen. “Hey Y/N… you okay, sweetheart?”

You looked up when you heard your dad's voice, standing up slowly to hug him. “Mhm… just want you.”

Buck tightened his hug around you, rubbing your back gently. “I know honey, we’ll head home, alright?” He looked over at the nurse and gave her a thankful smile. “Thanks for calling me.”

The nurse nodded and finished signing you out, a sympathetic smile on her face. “It’s not a problem. I hope you feel better Y/N.”

You mumbled a ‘thank you’ to the school nurse as you left with Buck, walking slowly to not further pain your stomach which was plagued with cramps. When the two of you got home, Buck had set you on the couch, giving you his own heat pack to use. He could see the distressed look on your face so he sat down next to you, putting a comforting hand on your back.

“I know this is scary, sweetheart. This is new and it’s all frightening, but I promise that everything’s okay. Your body’s changing, you’re growing up and I know it feels so unfair and I can’t imagine what it’d be like. But I want you to know that I’m here for you.” Buck explained softly, looking at you gently.

You nodded with a small smile, hugging him tightly, your head resting against his shoulder. “I love you, Dad.”

Buck returned the smile, gently kissing your forehead. “I love you too, beautiful girl. Now how about you pick a movie while I make us some hot chocolate?” He said as he stood up.

You nodded, your smile growing. “Okay! Extra marshmallows?” You asked with a cheeky grin.

Buck laughed, nodding his head as he moved into the kitchen. “Maybe…”

The two of you eventually settled on the couch with blankets and hot chocolate, Buck getting you some pain relief as well as you pressed play on your favourite movie. You would never trade your dad for anything in the world, he was the best beyond words.

[hippolotamus]

Fuck it Friday 🔥

tagged by my beloved @bidisasterevankinard @tizniz 💖

putting the Fuck in Fuck it Friday with something of a throwback. Every fic that I write has parts that get cut. Stuff that I adored but just didn't gel with the rest of the story. So I keep all that in a notes file because you never know when it might be useful for something else. here's a smutty snip that got cut from Eddie and Buck's drive in date in whatever may come (your heart I will choose)

Buck shimmies himself to the floor, wedging in the space in a way that can’t possibly be good for his leg. “Should you—” “‘M fine, promise,” he insists, looking up at Eddie like he’s near begging and hoping he won’t be told ‘no’. “Just wanna make you feel good, baby. Let me do that. Please?” For all the space he takes up, Buck seems small by the time ‘please’ spills out. Like he’ll only feel worthy if Eddie agrees. His fingers are already on Eddie’s belt, ready to unbuckle it the moment he’s allowed.  They’ve talked about it some, the way Buck feels the need for approval. How he seeks out validation through sex, even now that he’s past his 1.0 stage. Eddie’s still not entirely sure what that means, but he’s learned enough to tell when that’s what Buck is looking for or when he’s simply trying to discipline himself for some perceived wrongdoing. Right now, it seems like a bit of both.  “Sweetheart.” Eddie tips Buck’s head up, so he’s forced to make eye contact. “Remember what I said. There’s no earning here. We can go back up front, watch half the universe disappear, and that’s more than okay.” “I know. I just- please, Eddie. I just want everything to be perfect.” 

He could say something like ‘it already is’, but he knows how much planning Buck would have done to put tonight together. All the behind the scenes work of coordinating schedules, persuading Bobby to let him off early if it was possible, making sure Christopher would be well cared for. Something like ‘it already is’ might sound too placating. He chooses to respond with something 16-year old Eddie never would have considered, let alone done. 

Eddie carefully cards through Buck’s neatly gelled curls. “It is. You are. You did so well.” He can see Buck already beginning to absorb the praise, wearing it like a blanket, sinking into it. “You put this all together for me. For us. I never had to say a thing, you just did it. Because you’re always thinking of other people. Christ, I don’t know how I ever got so lucky with you. You’re always so damn good for me.”

Buck’s fingertips are absentmindedly toying with the clasp on Eddie’s belt, making a light clinking noise. Eddie keeps talking, giving Buck what he needs.

“And, fuck, you’re so gorgeous. All the time, but especially right now. Those beautiful blue eyes and perfect lips. So fucking pretty.” Eddie lightly scratches over Buck’s wrists, his knuckles. “Look at you, so desperate already. Just waiting for me to tell you it’s okay.” 

“Mmhmm.” Buck nods emphatically in agreement. A small whine escapes and his breaths become faster, a little more ragged.

The personality shift always amazes him. As if chatty, exuberant Buck fades away, leaving a version that is a different type of attentive, blindly trusting whatever Eddie tells him. Eddie doesn’t personally understand, but gets that it works for Buck. And he’s not saying anything just for Buck’s benefit, he means every bit of it. 

“You can’t though, can you? Can’t wait to get my dick in your mouth, down your throat. But you have been waiting so patiently even though I know you don’t want to. Because you’re so, so good for me, and I haven’t given you permission yet. Should I?”

Buck pleads. “Eddie, I- please. Gonna be so good for you.”

“I know you are.” Eddie rolls his hips up into Buck’s hands, wants Buck to know the effect he’s having. He flicks his gaze down to his belt buckle, making sure Buck notices. “Go ahead then.”

The three words are barely out before Buck is undoing Eddie’s belt and zipper, opening his jeans just enough to get where he wants. Buck’s breath is warm and damp, mouthing at Eddie’s cock through his boxers, making Eddie’s hips jerk in response. Buck hums, nosing along the thin cotton, teasing like he’s making up for the minutes Eddie made him wait. Finally, he’s parting the slit in the fabric, swirling his tongue around the head, taking Eddie down in microbursts of time. Eddie grips Buck’s hair, not to force him down, just to show his appreciation. 

“That good, baby? Want more?” 

Christ, it’s infuriating how quickly Buck can slip into his cocky side, all smooth and velvet that could make Eddie do anything. “Fuck you. You know the answer.”

“Oh, I do,” he chuckles, adding a series of teasing licks around the head and over the slit. “I just want to hear you say it.”

Eddie waits until Buck is shallowly sucking the head and thrusts up into Buck’s mouth, only once, feeling drunk on the surprised moan it earns him. “You mean you want to hear how fucking talented you are? Because you know I love when you’re all sloppy and desperate, sucking me off like you’re fucking starving? How I can’t wait to come down your throat and watch you take all of it? That what you wanna hear?”

Buck gives a deep, throaty hum in response. The vibrations carry down Eddie’s shaft, making him even more wound up every time Buck’s head bobs, taking Eddie deeper. In the dark, he can’t see the way he prefers. He can’t watch the way Buck’s irises shift between shades, how his pupils dilate and the black dances at the edge of the blue. Even so he can still see the way Buck looks up at him through his lashes. Can feel the warm, wet pressure of Buck’s mouth surrounding him, pressing his tongue to the underside. And the light offers just enough so Eddie can see the slick shine on Buck’s lips. 

“Jesus, do you even know how hot you look like this?” Eddie growls, stroking Buck’s cheek. “How fucking perfect you are? Christ, you’re doing so well for me, being so good.”

He knows he should, but Eddie can’t bring himself to care about the other cars nearby. Not when the windows are dark enough and nobody can probably see them anyway. Not when Buck is sucking harder, and moving faster in response to Eddie’s praise coming out in words and grunts. Especially not when the pressure – pleasure – is coiling tighter, building until he’s digging his fingertips into the underside of his thighs when it all peaks, crashing over him and he can only hope no one else hears the cry that spills out. 

“Fuck,” Eddie breathes, content and boneless. “Definitely never had anything like that in high school.”

“Always happy to be of service.” Buck smirks and drops a kiss to Eddie’s softening cock before putting him back together. 

Eddie lazily grabs for Buck, pulling him up into his lap. “Now, what about you?”

“Oh, I can think of a few things.” 

They kiss, deep and slow, Eddie’s fingers tracing swirling patterns along Buck’s spine while he tastes his release on Buck’s tongue. 

“Think you can wait until we get home?” 

“I, uh, I guess?” Buck squirms a little, looking confused and trying to hide his disappointment.

“Perfect, because I have plans for you.” Eddie presses his lips to the tip of Buck’s nose, his cheek and chin, and finally a nip to the curve where his neck meets his shoulder. “How fast can you get us there?”

“Now?”

Eddie relaxes against the headrest, feigning indifference. “I mean our drinks are probably all watered down and your popcorn is gonna be gross now, but we can stay if you really want to.”

“We’ll be home in twenty,” Buck answers, already scrambling to get to the front, thankfully using the doors this time. 

It may not be what Buck originally planned, but, yeah, this is going to be a fun night.

np tagging @diazsdimples @stereopticons @theotherbuckley @daffi-990 @actuallyitsellie

@epicbuddieficrecs @loveyouanyway @diazheartsbuckley @saybiwithme

@spotsandsocks @dr-shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @elvensorceress @dangerpronebuddie

@kitteneddiediaz @your-catfish-friend @thekristen999 @filet-o-feelings @wikiangela

@rainbow-nerdss @steadfastsaturnsrings @inell @dorkydiaz @bi-buckrights

@bucksbiawakening @bekkachaos @beyourownanchor6 @lemonzestywrites @monsterrae1

@statueinthestone @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @thelikesofus @wildlife4life @eowon

@rewritetheending @bucksbignaturals @swiftiefirefighters and anyone else who wants to 😘

[asraindarkness]

If it’s okay, not necessarily BuckTommy but -

This season feels SO weird. It’s even weirder because for the first time they had a long time to plan it - they knew they were renewed for a Season 8 early into Season 7. So much so that, for the first time, they let the season end with a cliffhanger. Multiple, even.

And they they dropped all of them in a rushed and unsatisfactory way. If they didn’t want S7’s plots to continue on to 8, they could’ve ended them in S7. Never bring Ortiz or Gerard back. But instead, they went with the oddest choice and created a nice cliffhanger, only to disappoint pretty much everyone.

But for me it’s more than that. It’s also the way the characters don’t always feel like them. You’re telling me Buck never went into a deep dive about queer history or rights when he discovered he’s bi?? that Maddie would make the making men gay comment?? that Chimney wouldn’t talk to Hen about the possible second pregnancy?? I could go on and on.

And the dynamics also feel… broken. We barely have friendship moments, at all. Buddie this season feels weird, like Eddie doesn’t really want to be bothered by Buck. Hen and Chim are barely communicating. The firefam doesn’t have moments outside of emergencies (save that montage of them asking Bobby for help).

It feels like the writers have stopped knowing how to write these characters and their dynamics. And for me the found family that I fell in love with at first watch feels gone, you know?

i’ve been saying this since s6!

like aren’t they tried of keep writing buck the same all the time??? he doesn’t get promoted on his job that he’s fucking good at it, they had a kind of story about it when buck wanted to be captain in s6 and then bridge fall happened and buck was a fucking powerhouse in it and i thought they finally gonna show buck more that just a young goofy firefighter that thinks on his feet, show them he’s a leader but then they dropped it.

he doesn’t get into lasting relationship and is always chasing one and apparently now he’s gonna forget his character’s growth and gonna be right back in s1. it’s like buck’s always gonna be the boyish bratt they made in s1 when he was 25/6 not a 33yo man!

eddie can’t fucking move on for 6/7 years and tries constantly to make a mom out of everything woman he dates but now a confession and a random priest apparently healed him like he was possessed not fucking mentally traumatized!

madney are most of the times are dealing with doug that comes out like random jump scares. maddie had 2 stories last season both was about her trauma with him. yes you can’t heal from something like that for a long time or possibly never but for god’s sake that woman raised his brother as his own child when she was still a child herself and what did 911 do with this part of her? NOTHING

and you don’t need me talk about hemren’s endless suffering

and where is athena’s children???

it’s been a mess since s6 but now it’s wors cuz tim starts writing 5 minutes before they start shooting. i said it 100 times the only thing good about s7 was buck’s bi arc. they make a big deal out of problems and solve them in most childish ways in the same episode!

i know it’s basically a soap opera but ffs it’s not a fantasy. they pulled dead wife no.2 cuz it’s a soap but in what word a child can land a plane?

honestly after i reed that tim rewatched the whole thing before writing for bi buck i was sure the show gonna back to its root where chim and hen are besties and hen and athena spend time together etc etc, but apparently all he got from that is abby had a boyfriend named tommy