#make him suffer more in purgatory why don't you

[nightwonder7]

So in your manor purgatory AU, do other costumes canonically exist?

Because imagine what'll happen when Norton realizes everyone connected to Fluorite's essence (including his and Alice's B tiers) has gemstones embedded into their bodies...

To some extent! From what I understand, essences are like alternate universes or story lines. While I don't particularly see the characters change backstories and memories with their skins in the eternal manor AU, I like to think they have some of these costumes in their wardrobes. They are granted these outfits by the strange forces of the manor, and they can use them on different occasions. Most of them prefer to wear their defaut outfits, though.

(This is a little besides the point, but I thought it would be a fun detail that the essence stories are written down in books and can be found in the manor's library. CoA is after all stories by Orpheus canonically. I'm unsure if the characters would be able to recognise themselves if they read them, though. I'm also still debating if Orpheus would be the one writing them all.)

I can see Norton would find it a little horrifying to find out that parts of his and others' bodies were made of gem stones. Despite it being a detail not unlike his hunter identity, getting turned into stone would horrify him because he has so many bad memories associated with the mines, which is pretty much the setting of the Fluorite essence. Yes, valuable gems and all, but also body horror.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Christian Woman

(König x Nun!Reader)

Word count: 6.4 k Tags/warnings: Pining intensifies, religious despair intensifies, minor injuries, treatment of wounds, crying, enthusiastic kissing, König gets a few boners. 18+ for eventual smut in this story.

A/N: Don't tell me you wouldn't get horny scared too if you saw this tall guy suddenly emerging from the shadows in his full war gear :) There's a cute date night and a lot of angst in this chapter too, I tried to summon an actual plot here... As always, I need to explain why they’re bonking! But smut is coming, next and last chapter will be full of fluff and steamy first times (Reader is virgin!)

Part 2

You have a feeling that this is the last day you’ll see him.

The stranger from the Austrian Alps, the kindest mercenary you’ve ever met – the only mercenary you’ve ever met – the giant soldier who now carries a piece of your heart with him. You wonder if he even knows he owns it.

The morning prayers and mass are a chore and bring you no comfort, and the usual dawn bliss is gone. You find no delight in singing with your sisters, and withdrawing to your cell for solitary prayer feels like stepping back inside your own personal purgatory. 

You’ve been in heaven and in hell for days now. Maybe since the moment you met him...

But at the same time, you know it must’ve been the Lord who brought you together. There must be a reason for God to make you two meet, you refuse to think it’s only because He wishes to tempt you. There must be a bigger plan; the connection, as sinful and carnal as it is, has to serve some higher purpose.

And you wonder if you’re going mad, because your most sinful thought is that you actually see God in him. It’s just your lower instincts speaking, a demon of some sort that tries to misguide you because no man is like Lord Jesus. 

And yet, don’t they always preach that you meet Him in every person you meet? And that through you, other people meet God too…? 

This reasoning feels much better. It solidifies the mercy you’ve longed for during the brief weeks you’ve known this man who brashly calls himself König. You want to believe that he carries a spark of the Divine in him, and that you hold a grain of the Virgin Mary’s compassion and love in you. 

You decide to hold on to this thought: that you were meant to meet so that you could come to know God through each other. For in König, you see a suffering God, a crucified Christ who rises against evil by offering himself to the cruelty of men. Somehow, the image of him as a mortal man starts to twist into a divine, dark trooper, someone who battles the forces of the evil in this world.

And this reasoning leads you to think that it is only natural that you, a Sister of the Faith, have helped him find some rest and relief in the middle of his work. It’s pretty clear that König has found some solace in your company, and even if things have ventured into a forbidden area of low, simple lust, it’s not dark enough to taint the beauty and grace you've felt together. As long as you hold on to this purity, nothing can go wrong.

While praying for both of you that morning, you find yourself replaying the smiles and touches König has given you these past weeks. You know you will drown yourself in memories after he's gone because they are all you’ll ever have of him.

And they're more than enough.

Or at least they should be…

You feel a tiny dagger of guilt push into your heart, the place reserved for Christ, when you’re assigned to do some spiritual reading instead of helping out in the kitchen or organizing the small library. The appointed texts are about falling into temptation and sin, reminding you about the consequences of such actions. You read the passings with a heavy heart and then slip out to meet König, possibly for the last time.

You wear your everyday clothes to the café, and König says nothing about your sudden moral choice, only gives you another longing, enamored once-over. You keep him at arm’s length, both physically and emotionally, and the effects of this unexpected cold shower are immediate. The man doesn’t even try to disguise the sad, puppy-eyed stares he shoots your way. 

You hate it that the bright, playful air of your meetings is gone, and your heart is tearing itself apart in your chest because the only thing you wanted was to spread joy into his world. Even the Lord seems disappointed in you being so cold-hearted, and you can’t bear to see His sadness and suffering in König’s eyes.

You get offered not one, but two coffees today, and a large piece of dark chocolate cake that tastes of pure sin. He talks about how he would love to write to you, but you tell him you can’t be in correspondence with a man who isn’t your brother or father. König isn’t even married, so it would only raise questions – you would find yourself reading spiritual texts about lust and sin until it drives you crazy.

“I’m leaving early tomorrow,” he finally reveals with a voice thick with sorrow. “Can I see you before I go...? One last time?”

“I’d love to, but… I’m sort of being watched,” you say, slowly coming out of your shell to make it clear that you’d want to spend the rest of your life with him, but you simply just can’t.

Your weak, apologetic look is like a dose of confidence shot through his veins because the face opposite of you brightens immediately. König’s whole posture gets a hopeful uplift.

“Just for a little walk...? To see what the city looks like in the evening?”

“I don’t know if I can make it… I have to work until six... And attend the evening prayer at seven. And then silence starts at eight…” 

You’re wringing your hands under the table while you explain, hoping König will come up with a solution to this dilemma.

“We can go for a walk after silence, then,” he shrugs.

“I–I can’t just escape from the window.”

“...Why not?”

You look at König; he looks straight back.

The man’s serious about you sneaking out your window at night; he’s actually serious, even if there’s a dark, playful smile rising on his lips. 

“I can help,” he grins.

Your heart cracks open, it shoots full of light only more and more with that smile. König doesn’t need to ram a door down and shoot his way through your chest; all he has to do is sneak inside your heart and take the place that belongs to God. You don’t even feel the difference as he makes himself at home. 

Well, actually, you do... It’s like your Christ’s love and mercy have finally come to flesh and blood before you. They're materialized in the man sitting opposite of you, bouncing his knee excitedly and grinning like the most innocent little devil on Earth.

You find yourself whispering “Ok”, and the whole world shifts. 

You take a step towards something forbidden but great, your whole heart starts to sing along with life. You haven’t even done the actual thing yet but you’re already filled with bubbling laughter and excitement. If only your friend could see you now, about to do things she probably did when she was fifteen...

But everything feels so right that it can’t be a sin – if it is, it just so happens to be the most natural, most divine thing to do too.

If this is the last day you’ll ever see him, you can surely steal a tiny moment for yourself and forget about rights and wrongs for a moment. Just forget about the rules, and live in the actual world for a few hours, breathe the worldly air, see what normal people do and pretend you’re one of them, for just one night. 

…

You feel like Cinderella when picking clothes for the evening.

You rummage through the only closet in your room – during the time that should be spent in silent prayer before bed – and notice you still have your old jeans.

They’re light blue and still fit; actually, they fit more than well... You know that König’s eyes will be glued to your butt when you’re not looking.

You have completely forgotten how nice you look in jeans, and it’s the Devil talking, making you admire yourself in tight denim like this. You never cared about how you look before; you certainly never gave much thought to how men see you or if they’re checking out your butt or breasts. Now you’re grooming yourself like never before, trying to decide what to do with your hair as if your life depended on it.

You choose a simple, black t-shirt to pair with the jeans and not make it too obvious that you’re trying to flaunt yourself. It hugs your form but is otherwise plain, and for some people, your choice of clothing is probably their regular work outfit. To you, it feels like you’re about to go out to seduce everyone.

Everything’s so tight and earthly; everything’s so… there. Visible... Touchable.

Lord, have mercy on me. I know I’m weak. But please let me have this, just this once…

And König has seen you without makeup all this time, so what on earth has possessed you to lament the fact that you don’t own a single case of lipstick? You’d kill for a few sweeps of mascara, too, just to bat your lashes at a silly man.

It’s not a date, you remind yourself.

It’s not a date... It’s not a date. You’re just going to have a short walk with him.

And you fear that accepting König’s “help” was a mistake. If you get caught with a man on the convent perimeter, you’ll get your ass thoroughly whooped…

Can a man of his size even keep quiet?

He probably suggested it so that you wouldn’t chicken out of this. If König is at your window by 8 and there’s no sign of you, he’ll probably just come in, throw you on his shoulder and jump out. He knows where your window is located now, and surely has some questionable skills due to his profession, skills you know nothing about, but you’re still about to have a panic attack from pure excitement when the clock strikes 8. 

You push the window ajar and settle on the sill to keep watch, gasping when you hear his familiar accent down below as soon as the window is open.

“Kätzchen...”

“König…?”

You peek down and meet his stupid, grinning face – God, he’s so happy to see you kept your promise. His eyes are shining, his fingers interlock to help you have something to place your foot on. 

“Here, kitty, kitty…”

You could easily jump out the window without hurting yourself, but of course he wants to help you since you were so kind to tell him where he could come and "pick you up".

But to see that playful smile and hear him trying to coax you out like you’re some skittish little kitten…

Could a grown man get any more silly?

You wiggle yourself out the window, trying to ignore the fact that he’s probably staring at your butt, still grinning like crazy while you do it. 

SupportING your entire weight like it’s no trouble at all, he helps you down. You’ve never been this close to him since you bumped into him: you have to take support from his shoulders as you search for a footing, and he scoops you in his arms the minute both your feet are safely on the ground.

“I knew you’d come,” he purrs with joy, and you place your hands on his chest – not to keep him at bay, but to touch him in a way that is as appropriate as possible when a man is hugging you like this.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” you whisper, still unsure if this is the best or the worst decision of your entire life.

“Kitty… Live a little, hmm?”

You have to crane your neck to look up at him – you’re not sure if you’re in the embrace of Jesus or Lucifer because the warmth of those eyes compare to the love of God, but they also make you weak and helpless. Whenever you’re with your sisters, the feeling is pure, pristine love, not a surge of complex emotions and thrill like it is with König.

“You’re a bad influence,” you breathe – König only laughs, and the grip around you tightens. 

“My lady. You’re the one who climbed out the window.”

“Because someone would’ve probably thrown small rocks on it if I hadn’t…!”

“Natürlich. And if that didn’t work… A serenade or two. Do you like love songs?” 

You look down at his chest, smiling, heart fluttering at the thought of a silly Austrian man serenading under your window. You have no trouble imagining him singing something syrupy in German, waking everyone up with his racket.

“You’re crazy, did you know that...?” 

“Sure. They tell me that all the time at work. Aber du… Du bist süss.” 

“...What’s that?” 

His smile only widens as he takes in your lips, your neck, the tight shirt that finally gives him something more to look at.

“You’re cute.”

…

The whole evening is heavenly. 

It’s everything you’ve ever wanted from a date and more.

He doesn’t take you for a short walk, oh no. He takes you out to eat, at some lively restaurant where they serve delicious, artisan, wood-fired pizzas. You have créme brûlée for dessert, and König gives you his strawberries when he notices you eat them first, but only on one condition: you have to let him feed them to you one by one. 

He buys you a rose: a big, red, plump one. No man has ever bought you flowers before, and even if you love lush, abundant bouquets, the fact that he chose you a single red rose after you’ve spoken about the beauty of simplicity, doesn't escape you.

König hasn’t only listened to you these past few weeks: he gets you. And how symbolic is it that he chose a rose that’s also tied to all the mysteries of God?

You walk the streets with a flower in one hand and his palm in the other. It's a holy trinity of him and you and the Great Mystery, it’s passion and it’s thorns, it’s blood and beauty and pain, and you feel like he just gets you; he knows you through and through. 

You pass by an outdoor bar with live music, and the place is so crowded that people are dancing on the streets. No cars honk as they slowly pass by the scene, the music and the laughing, dancing pairs make even the grumpiest passersby smile.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that König pulls you to him before you get to escape the scene. You’re drawn flush against his chest, hips colliding with his, hands finding each other in a slow sway that has never even seen the steps of Latin dances.

“Nuns are allowed to dance, no?” 

He smiles dreamily, enveloped in the same sweet haze as you.

“Not with a man,” you correct, but don’t even bother to push him away. Instead, you let König guide his hand down your waist and draw you closer. If this isn't a date, you don't know what is...

“I can take the blame,” he says. “You can tell everybody it was me.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” you laugh. 

“Why not?” 

His eyes are glued to yours, making you warm all over, so much so that you feel like you’re burning from the neck up. You guide your stare down to his chest, then over to the quick heartbeat on his neck.

He's nervous, too... Your cruel soldier is nervous, and kind, and shy because he's pressed against you.

You rest your head there on his chest, watching the golden sunset far away, painting the rooftops with a genial glow. Your heart is made of molten gold, too, as you allow yourself find a home in his embrace.

“I can take your sins,” he promises above you. “Jesus did that too, right?”

“You’re not Jesus,” you smile against his shirt – black, always black...

“Are you sure? I would go to hell for you.”

Your dance comes to a halt as you swallow and lift your gaze. The smiles are gone now, both yours and his. He’s so close now he could touch your lips with his if he wanted to.

And he does want to.

You don’t shy away as he leans down to kiss you. It’s chaste at first, a slow exploration, but then he opens your mouth with his, demanding, hot, intoxicating. You melt in his arms, and he somehow supports you through it all, turning the dance into an embrace and the decent little kiss into a full French one.

It’s hot and wet and slow, so, so passionate that your knees are about to give in. You devour him back, feel how he grows hard against your stomach – the swelling erection makes you dizzy before you come to your senses, but only barely.

You break away an inch, panting into his mouth while he’s panting into yours. What a blessing that you don’t own any lipstick; both of your lips are red without it…

“This is–”

“Inappropriate?”

His voice is husky, and sends a flood of wetness down between your legs. Your heart is racing, but you can’t even note how terribly alive you are before he attacks your lips again.

The kiss is even more desperate than the first one, and the slow urgency is gone. His mouth leaves you without air, and then – he wraps his arms around you and picks you up from the ground like you weigh nothing. Your hands get squished somewhere between you, naturally coming to cup his face as you kiss him back. 

It’s eager, pure lust, so powerful and needy that it scorches through your chest and ties your heartstrings into tight little knots, makes your brows knit together, too.

He grunts into your mouth, sensing you’re more than up for this after all. You let him see the full depth of your hunger and your lust, just waiting to be released and taken – made love to until you’re both sore and messy and limp.

God… This is better than God…

You hear whistles and whoos in the distance, some men yelling, “Let’s go!” and “Get a room” while they pass by. Realizing you’ve fallen into a dream trap of strong arms and needy lips about to depart tomorrow, you know it's something you could have had years ago, perhaps, but not anymore. You'll lose everything if you break your vows tonight: basically, you’ve already broken them, but no permanent damage has been done.

You can still turn back if you turn back now…

You push yourself away, push him away, heart clenching when you see his adoring, love-drunk, half-lidded stare.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, fighting back tears as you come down from your high. “I just–I can’t…”

He breathes labouriously, still clutching you against him, holding you in the air like you’re the thing he has searched for his entire life and now, finally discovered… Only to be told that he now has to put it back where he found it. 

You’re crying by the time he sets you down, and you have no heart or will to pull away. Instead, you bury your face in his chest and cry your fill in his shirt. It’s soon damp from your tears as König hugs and supports you through his own stoic heartbreak.

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry…”

You repeat it until you can’t repeat it anymore, bawling in his chest while the world around you continues to spin despite your heaven and hell, despite your vows, despite your stupid devotion. The world revolves like it always has, as you choose a crucified man over the one who’s flesh and blood and holds you through your pain.

“Kätzchen, don’t cry,” he pets your hair while you sniffle and tremble in his embrace. You know this is not the last time you will cry your heart out over him, but knowing it doesn't help you when he offers you his last, bittersweet comfort.

“It was a good dream while it lasted...”

…

The rose withers in your cell.

You turn it upside down and tie it to the curtain rod to prevent it from dropping its petals. It dries beautifully and keeps its bloodred colour, now reminding you of both Jesus and him. 

There hasn’t been a word from König in months, and of course there hasn’t. You denied his wish to write you, and the dried rose is the only thing left of your time with him. 

In the first weeks, it’s hard to keep up a charade. You show up to prayer, work and mass with red eyes, revealing to everyone that you’re going through a loss of some sort. Somewhere during the first week, the abbess summons you to meet her and you brace yourself for a scolding.

God knows you don’t need the rebuke, and when you close the door and turn to face the symbolic mother of the convent, you end up breaking into tears right in front of her.

“Whatever you were up to, my child, I am glad that it is over now,” she says with all the gentleness of the world. 

“Me too,” your voice breaks, and when the abbess extends her hands, you go to her, fall to your knees, and have another heartwrenching cry with your face in her lap.

You’ve denied yourself love and mercy for days, expecting to be expelled or shamed or ridiculed, but mercy is what you’re offered now, even after you’ve sinned.

The abbess caresses your hair just as softly as König did just days ago, and the fact that her kind gesture reminds you of some silly, infatuated soldier, only makes the breakdown worse. You bawl like a little child who’s deprived of candy, and you don’t even have the strength to berate yourself for it.

“I hope you haven’t done anything irredeemable...?” 

“No... Nothing happened,” you sob and look out of the rose window, desperate for sun while your head rests on a gentle but distant lap. 

Nothing happened except the most sinful, beautiful, lustful kiss of your life... Nothing happened except that you saw this man every time you could, held hands with him, swam in his smiles and affection, and went to bed with thoughts inappropriate for any human being. 

“The world tests us in many ways... But Lord never tests us. He only loves us.”

Something in that sentence finally quenches the neverending flow of tears. Your muscles start to relax, and you remember that this is the eternal truth: to surrender, over and over again, to a power far greater than you. 

The abbess never asks for details about what you have done. She never tells you you have sinned; you don’t need to be told that. The punishment has been dealt already: whoever ties herself to this world and its temptations will suffer exactly like this when the passion and excitement ends. The key to escaping its grip is to simply let go first, once and for all, surrender to the love of God, and trust that everything fill fall into place eventually.

“You must offer your mind and body to work now,” the motherly voice speaks above you. “Work, time and prayer will ease your pain.”

…

Work, time and prayer do ease the pain. 

They ease all pains, but it takes almost six months to stop thinking about him every hour of every day.

You’re proud of yourself when you find out one day that you haven’t thought about him at all. He just now crossed your mind when you remember how he used to smell: of salty seabreeze mixed with intoxicating musk, the scent of excitement and safety all in one. 

You could almost swear you catch a whiff of that particular scent in the yard when you go and water the flowers one evening, but it can’t be: he’s gone, and there’s nothing you can do about it, nothing you even want to do about it because you already made your choice. This path leads you to greater peace of mind in the long run, and you know you made the right decision even if it hurt you and König.

Sunsets still remind you of him, the colour of rose and gold mixed with endings, but the memories are now laced with bittersweet love rather than blunt despair and pain. The times you spent with him are a collection of brief, blissful moments, and you treasure every single one of them in your heart. You still pray for him, not every day, but nearly every day. You touch the rose when the hurt reaches its peak, but the last time you did that was almost a week ago.

And you thought you had forgotten his scent, but apparently, you have not. In fact, it seems to drift to your nose again, which is odd because you’re outside, after all…

“Kätzchen.” 

A whisper is hissed from the shadows just as you’re about to straighten and investigate, because either you’re going crazy or then there’s someone here who smells exactly like him.

You startle and almost drop the watering can, staring straight into the shadows under your window. The tallest man you’ve ever seen steps out from the dark in full combat gear, and while you can’t see his face because it’s covered with a draping black hood, you recognize it’s him simply from the way he moves. 

“Don’t be afraid. It’s me,” he rasps and tries to straighten from the slightly hunched position he’s in, but immediately falls back, then slants to lean on the wall. His gear is dirty, and he holds the side of his stomach with one hand, the lively blue eyes either drunk or very very tired.

“Dear God… What happened to you?”

You abandon the watering can and rush to him; it’s useless to ask if he’s injured when, clearly, he’s trying to prevent himself from slumping to the ground. 

He’s enormous and intimidating even when wounded, a soldier loaded with ammo and weapons and protective paddings and guards, wearing a hood and a helmet and a radio of some sort, his tactical gloves bloody and eyes droopy. The weapon by his side is almost half as tall as you, and God – is that a grenade strapped to his vest?

“I got compromised,” König looks down at the wound but doesn’t remove his hand. He looks so different, like another man entirely when he’s not dressed in his customary olive green pants and a casual black t-shirt. He seems even buffier now, even taller, so terrifying that you wonder if you ever even knew this man.

You must look like a frightened deer because König mistakes your horrified look as sweet, simple concern.

“Don’t worry... They have it much worse, I assure you,” he says with his usual grin – you can hear it from the way he says it that he’s smiling. But it’s so weary now, so exhausted and frail compared to his confident, playful laughs and that husky voice with which he spoke to you after your kiss.

“I came to ask for help,” he continues under his breath, wobbling even when leaning against a wall. “You’re the only one I can… trust.”

“Of course, anything. I will do anything I can.”

His eyes smile down at you from behind the executioner’s veil. It’s that same devoted stare you’ve been trying to dispel for months now. You give yourself a quick mental shake, then tell him to wait here while you go in and call for an ambulance. 

König bounces off the wall and seizes your hand, telling you he can’t go to a hospital and that, if anything, he must avoid any kind of public places. You don’t ask any further questions, even if you know you’re in a pickle now, and not only because those glacial eyes are making your knees weak again. There’s nothing much you can do: he’s wounded and still in danger, saying he can’t trust anyone else. Of course you have to help him in any way you can. If he says it’s not safe, then you must help him get somewhere where it is safe. 

And besides, aren’t you a nun? You’re supposed to help those in need. 

So when he asks you if there are any motels or a bed & breakfast nearby, you say you know just the place. 

It makes your heart bleed that König takes support from you while you slowly make your way down the street. A man of his size, a body trained to withstand whatever his job throws at him, seeking support from a frail little nun… It’s a joke, indeed, and a horrid one. 

When you get to the small place run by a humble old man, you don’t know who to feel more sorry for: the elder behind the counter or König, desperately trying to stay on his feet.

“I mean no trouble,” he says while pushing an unnerving amount of money across the table. “I just need a place to rest.”

The receptionist’s eyes dart to you, then back to König, who still has what you suppose is a loaded rifle dangling by his waist. The safety is on, probably, but there are also knives and grenades strapped to his person, and with that hood, he mainly looks like a terrorist of some sort.

“She’s here to help. See...? Bride of Christ. Even less trouble than I am.” 

You try to smile reassuringly as the man risks a better look at you now instead of being fixated on König or his weapons.

You must make an odd pair, a soldier and a nun... The old man probably has a ton of questions in his head right now.

“No shooting,” he says to you, but his words are directed at König.

“No shooting,” he promises. “No mess if no one knows we’re here. Ok...? You’ve never even seen us.”

The receptionist nods. Then he extends a trembling hand and takes the money, and hands out a key without taking any check-in information.

You go to König and help him up the small stairs and into his room paid with bloody money and a menacing appearance. The fitted carpet is old, and floral patterned, the room small and adorable and meant for visitors far more petite than König. The bedspread is old-fashioned and floral too and has never even seen blood, of that you are sure when König lays himself down with a grunt. 

You spend the next minutes – or hours, you can’t tell – in a tunnel-visioned fog as you do exactly as he says.

You help him out of his gear and weapons and lay them aside quickly but gently, you cut his shirt with an ugly-looking knife, then get a watered towel for him to press against the wound. You rush back to his tactical vest and search for a first aid kit and some medicine, and start to treat his wounds per his advice.

The sun sets in the window, and you patch up your injured soldier with care, trusting his word when he says it’s only a flesh wound and that it looks far worse than it is.

“I should get shot more often,” he purrs when you’re cleaning the rest of the blood off his skin.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you scold, trying to focus on your task and not the vast plates that make his chest. Or the thick abs, right there under your fingertips… Or the fact that he has incredibly narrow hips, and a luscious breath of dark hair leading from his navel down and underneath the waistband of his pants. 

You suppose this is what your friend calls a happy trail...

And it does make you very happy.

You don’t dare to look beyond that because the pants he usually wears aren’t as tight as these, and you fear he’ll catch you checking out his junk in an attempt to see if your friend was correct about his size. 

To your blessing – or your curse – you don’t even have to look straight at it to see he’s having an erection. You can actually see from the corner of your eye how König grows hard while you’re treating him – it’s right there, a robust tent that rises beside you while you concentrate on wiping off the blood. 

“Pay no mind to that,” he says thickly and completely without shame. “It just happens… Can’t control it.”

He breathes a bit too heavy for someone who’s lying down, and you fear it’s because of the blood loss. But then you start to suspect it’s probably because all the remaining blood has gone between his legs… He doesn’t even try to tone down the heated, obsessive stares he shoots your way, and you suppose he’s either missed you very much, or then there’s a fever rising after all. You’re not sure if you’re glad or disappointed that the bullet didn’t scrape his leg instead.

“I missed you,” he says like he just read your thoughts. He whispers the sentence slowly and with purpose, saying it like a long-withheld secret.

“I missed you too,” you whisper back. 

Gosh… Here you are, a silly little nun who’s tried to get over a crush for six months, crying after him at night and caressing his rose during the day. You’ve been petting a withering flower some mercenary gave you in hopes of getting into your pants, you’ve fawned over memories of a few smiles and a kiss, all the while the said mercenary has killed people for money and now got shot. He came here to work again, but never sent a message, he only came to see you when he was injured… 

...And you’re glad he did. If a bullet was needed to bring him back to you, then you’re grateful for it, no matter how horrible it is.

“Did you ever… find someone?” You ask while keeping your gaze fixed on his navel instead of the raging bulge in his pants.

“Someone, who?”

“Someone to hold hands with.”

He gives a strained laugh. “Ah. No. No time for that.”

You swallow, and slowly guide your eyes to his.

“Are you still happy with your crucified man?”

Ouch.

“I… I don’t know.”

His brows knit together; you can see it even in the dim light of the table lamp, you can see it even if there’s some godforsaken black war paint all over his face under that hood.

There’s a distant hurt in his eyes before he blinks softly, slowly.

“I wrote to you, Braut Christi... Many times. Never sent the letters… They’re still in my room, at the base.”

Your heart skips a beat. 

He hasn’t had “time” for women, yet has written you letters all these months. He’s written letters while you’ve caressed a rose…. 

You wonder if hearts can find each other, even through a distance, and if you’ve felt the urge to go to the flower he gave you at the same time König has gotten the desire to write another letter to you. It’s bittersweet, like this whole thing between you two, the mystery that both brings you together and rips you apart. 

“I wish I hadn’t… I wish I...” you start, but can’t bring yourself to finish.

“Liebling. I should’ve sent them anyway.”

You go get rid of the bloodied paper towels before you start to cry in front of him.

God… You’re not only in a pickle, you’re neck-deep in trouble, and you only notice you forgot to wash your hands when you return to him.

He reaches for your hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. Peace settles in, even if there’s blood on your hands and the man you adore is lying next to you, patched up with the help of a first aid kit when he should be lying in a hospital, receiving treatment and care.

There’s a knife and a pistol tucked under the bedspread, next to his hand, and the fact that he’s still prepared to fight anyone who tries to come through that door underlines the fact that you two come from very different worlds. König is more than just a rose buying, coffee offering gentleman, he's more than just a silly guy who threatens to sing serenades under your window if you don’t come out to play with him.

You’re not sure if you’re more enamoured or scared.

“You’re an angel,” he rasps from the bed as you try to swallow the tears that refuse to go down.

“No I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are.”

A teardrop falls on the innocent floral bedspread as you wish you were in this room as a married couple instead of an injured, horny soldier and a childish nun in love. Spending your honeymoon or something, getting some rest after an eventful day in town, choosing this absurd old Bed & Breakfast as your place to stay for the night.

You wish you were doing anything else than treating his wounds, lethal or not.

“Are you crying?”

His voice is gentler than you even remembered. Six months of despair have turned him into a dark, alluring trickster when he’s really just a man, a big, amazing, tender man who’s multifaceted, multitalented, and always kind.

He's about to fall asleep, and it’s no wonder. The events of the evening have left you drained, too. You kneel beside his bed, too tired to even sit on a chair, wondering if he’ll die from his wounds tonight or get hunted down by the people who still want him dead. 

“I wish you would stop killing people... I wish you would stop getting killed.” 

You must look silly, kneeling beside a giant soldier’s bed, crying and holding his hand between yours as if praying. But his eyes smile at you, and while you’d want nothing more than to see his face again, you realise you kind of like König this way. Masked and menacing and mean to his enemies, but stripped down to his soul when he’s with you.

“I wish you would stop praying... And start living,” he mutters gently.

“Praying helps sometimes,” you whisper.

In truth, you wish you’d start living, too. You always thought you were brave when you said ‘no’ to the world. Perhaps you were only running away from it…

The hand is warm but not feverish. His breaths start to even, and his lids get heavier; his thumb gives you a small caress before he drifts off to sleep.

“Perhaps that’s why I’m still here, Kätzchen.”

[dontcryminecraft]

red team purgatory day one

half of red team isn't here, nobody knows how to actually PLAY MINECRAFT, and the only person remotely good at pvp here is philza. Carre carries everyone and is off doing his own thing. Even IF the other half of the team is there, the only person i can accurately gauge the ability of is WILBUR, and i have zero faith in his skills lol. Everyone is realizing how much they're going to have to stream, and some will have to change their schedules in order to play effectively. Charlie doesn't stream for 5 hours, but he has to be here for all of this, and it becomes VERY CLEAR, VERY QUICKLY, WHY HE DOESN'T. His voice is dead and he is unravelling at the seams. He hates it here more than anyone. only half of his breakdown is a joke. They're drying. Cellbit and Slime had ENOUGH and just beat each other with sticks. They're devolving and screaming about how much they hate this and they're manic and their arms feel numb and tingly and badboyhalo keeps killing them and they keep dying and life hates them. Jaiden told badboyhalo to kill himself. In a fit of rage they declared that they no longer care about the eggs and they'd rather just go home. They're planning on logging in on Monday only to build a house and start Egg Island Survival LetsPlay where they make an Emerald Empire and only respond in Villiager Hrmms. now they're sing/screaming as their base burns around them, and i can't tell what they're supposed to be singing but they kept repeating "say something I'm giving up on you" and someone started playing the Living TombStone FNAF song. Phil got a globe and gifted everyone a fidget toy to spin and they're just sitting and spinning. Baghera just realized that Phil already had all the saplings they need and she wasted her time, so Phil took off his armor so the two can could fight. Baghera lost even though she had a diamond sword, so Phil just let her kill him so she can be happy. Corpses scatter across their yard. They're killing each other. I started typing this with 20 minutes left and I'm witnessing the longest fucking 20 minutes of my life how is there still 7-whatever minutes left??? CELLBIT JUST CONFESSED TO THE MURDERS AND THEY'RE CONFESSING TO THEIR SINS NOW???? I CAN'T TELL IF CHARLIE'S CONFESSION ABOUT JUANAFLIPPA AND THE CODE IS CANON???? Charlie suggests a cannibalism arc and everyone wants to go absolutely FERAL and cellbit it trying to act normal about that idea and kinda fails at it. And it all ends with everyone being banned to enforce the 5-hour rule. We're Free...for today. And despite this, they don't want to change teams and they're actually looking forward to suffering with friends :) ...nevermind they're planning on selling wilbur to get a better advantage.

[hamliet]

Hazbin Hotel Has Better Theology Than Most Modern "Christian" Stories

As a Christian who was raised in a fundie cult and escaped to now have a far healthier and vital faith, I genuinely really like this show. The songs are bops. The characters are well crafted and interesting, and likable too. The art design is bizarre but appealing.

And, as a theology nerd who studied theology as part leaving said cult and also has since gotten papers published in theology, I'm actually fairly impressed by the show's handling of theology.

No, I'm not expecting the story to preach or even like, be explicitly Christian in a lot of ways. But it's taking a lot of the really beautiful aspects of Christian theology and re-contextualizing them in a way designed to provoke thought: by juxtaposing them with the antithesis of what you would think, by making demons heroes. In my opinion, this makes the beauty shine brighter.

Yeah, yeah, it's designed to be offensive and obscene in a lot of ways. Yet, it's never (thus far) mean-spirited. On the contrary, it seems to have a big, beating heart at its core that is perhaps best embodied by Charlie Morningstar, its protagonist and the daughter of Lucifer and Lilith.

Critique of the Church, with Caveats

The story works best with an interpretation that heaven isn't actually heaven or God (who has been conspicuously absent), but instead as a critique of the church. Specifically, the evangelical American church, and specifically, white evangelicals. (Same as She-Ra's premise, actually).

God's absence therefore makes sense, because while Christians do believe God is present as a living reality among us, we also can't like, see him physically now. So, God being not even mentioned in HH makes it seem more like a mortal reality rather than an immortal one. Honestly I kinda hope God doesn't appear in the story, not only because I think it could cross some lines (which is admittedly personal), but also because I don't see that the story really needs it.

Adam in particular reminds me of every "theobro" on Twitter (I'm not calling it what you want me to, El*n). Basically a dudebro coopting his supposed salvation to flex in an often misogynistic way, who doesn't realize that he has absolutely no love in him and therefore is actually a worse human being than everyone he condemns on the regular.

(Which is kind of why I'm expecting Adam to wake up in hell next season...)

Think red hats. And Mark Driscoll. And, I have a list of pastors. Sigh. They advocate for how "simple" Christianity is, except they themselves make it ridiculously complicated and don't even examine what they suppose is "simple" if it requires them to take the planks out of their own eyes. "Shallow" is a better description of what they actually preach.

But what sends people to hell or heaven anyways?

Eschatology and Atonement Theory

Hazbin Hotel combines a lot of theories, throwing not only the idea of a physical hell (albeit mixed with Dante's idea of what hell is the Inferno, but to be fair a lot of the church has adopted that idea too) but the idea of annihilation, which HH calls "extermination."

See, in Christianity, there's a lot of debate about hell. Like, since 2000 years ago. The reason is because a lot of Bible verses seem to indicate hell, but others indicate the eventual redemption and salvation of absolutely everything in the universe, so you have Christian universalism tracing itself back just as long. But, setting aside universalism, people who do believe in hell tend to fall into one of two camps:

Physical hell, aka suffering for eternity, or annihilation: the idea that souls that aren't saved end up annihilated, or snuffed from existence. HH combines both of them, wherein everyone lives in hell but then every so often heaven "exterminates" a certain number of sinners.

And then you also have Catholic purgatory, which is also adapted in HH in that... for most Christians, physical hell doesn't offer the ability to redeem yourself. Chance over, you're dead. But, Catholic Christianity, which draws on ideas of praying for the dead, has the idea that people can improve themselves or be prayed out of it and into heaven. This seems to be somewhat similar to the idea of Charlie's hotel, in that sinners can improve, redeem themselves, and rise to heaven.

And, I mean, it's already kinda worked. Sir Pentious acted out Jesus' words: Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13).

But anyways, the branch of theology that deals with the afterlife is eschatology. And Hazbin Hotel takes on a related form of theology as well, a type of theology I've only seen covered in stories once before (The House in Fata Morgana): atonement theory.

Atonement theory is something I remember well from my theology 101 class, as in I remember sitting with a friend and her turning to me and being like, "okay, so we know Jesus' death and resurrection give us eternal life, but we have no idea how or why?" To which the answer was "basically, yeah."

Most of the white, American evangelical church is very "penal substitutionary atonement," but the reality is that this theory has only been popular for the past few hundred years. It's also, imo, somewhat scripturally unsound. But there are a lot of other theories, and sometimes the theories overlap. Here's a fairly decent summary. (I'm in general a believer in Christus Victor.)

So how does atonement theory tie into Hazbin Hotel? Well, essentially the scene where Charlie and Vaggie are debating with Emily, Sera, Adam, Lute, and others in heaven is them going over various atonement theories and realizing that they actually know nothing at all. How does one get to heaven? How is one saved? They don't know.

Sera criticizing Emily for asking questions was also very relatable, and I feel for Sera. She's genuinely scared but the truth will set you free, Sera. John 8:32. Anyways, the point is like... the angels are an organized religion, an evangelical church, that preaches about simplicity but mistakes shallowness for simplicity and discourages depth and discovery.

Anyways, the whole crux of theological study and atonement theories is that they should promote humility. We don't know for certain on this side of the curtain. That's okay. So what do we have to guide us?

Love. After all, God is love (1 John 4:8).

Charlie is Jesus

"Why would you endanger your immortal life for these sinners?" 

Adam, the absolute worst, says the above to Charlie in the finale.

I mean... look. That's literally the premise of Christianity. That the immortal son of God comes down to earth, lives with sinners, loves us, and dies to save us. However that happens. Charlie even responds:

"They're my family!"

In other words, she loves them. Yeah, sure, they're destined for extermination, but they are going to be exterminated over her dead body.

In a lot of branches of Christianity, and even in some creeds--though I'm going to give into my pet peeves here and state that it is NOT Scriptural and relies on the faulty assumption that God is bound by time, when I think God exists outside of it--state that Jesus descended into hell after his death and took all the souls of people who were saved prior to his coming to earth to heaven. Again, I think that's small-minded at best. But, the idea that Charlie is working among them to bring them to heaven is pretty reminiscent of this idea. And I don't hate it lol.

Charlie sees worth inherent in everyone, and no matter what they've done, thinks there's a future for them. Honestly we need people like her on this earth.

Angel Dust

Angel Dust is clearly my favorite character. Bite back your shock, I know (I have a type). But his name is also a fascinating multi-layered pun.

Angel is clearly foreshadowing his endgame. Let's be real, we all know Angel is ending up as an angel. And "angeldust" is of course a name for PCP, and considering Angel's drug habits, yeah.

But, dust also has another meaning to it. See, when Adam was created in Genesis 2:7, the words in Hebrew are "apar min ha'adamah," which is translated literally as "dust of the ground." So the dust is what creates Adam, literally "ground."

In other words, I very much expect Angel Dust to end up being foiled with Adam even more so. Adam might be the first man, but Angel is the first sinner working towards redemption. And let's be real, for all Angel's flaws, he's already a better person than Adam. And if there's any hope for Adam (not that I particularly care if there is but) it'd be through realizing that he and Angel aren't actually different after all. Conversely (and not necessarily mutually exclusively), Angel might serve as a more symbolic "adam" in that he becomes the person all sinners look to for hope. Which, y'know, since "the last Adam" is also a Scriptural term for Jesus...

And so it is written, “The first man Adam became a living being.” The last Adam became a life-giving spirit. (1 Corinthians 15:45).

I fully expect Angel's arc, alongside Charlie's, to bring life and redemption for everyone around them. Maybe, maybe even the dramatic "all" of Colossians 1:20 (which means, literally, all, everything, everywhere, in the entire universe).

Closing Thoughts

But honestly, regardless of how the story ends--besides that it will presumably end happily because HH is at its core feel-good despite being profane--season one at least has got good theology. Why? Because it's digging into the questions that theology is concerned with. It's digging into the ideas of human nature, of what it means to be a good person, of what it means to redeem oneself, of affirming how precious each individual human soul is.

It doesn't offer cheap answers, and it specifically calls out the white American evangelical church for how it purports to be simple but actually just confuses people and punishes them for things they can't help, that creates more stumbling blocks than it does shine a light. And it does it in a way that is scandalous. Offensive to many religious people.

But, y'know, Jesus was pretty scandalous too.

So I really love the story so far because it emphasizes what I find so beautiful about my religion, and criticizes the parts that have also hurt me. I don't think it's remotely aiming to be a Christian allegory or anything like that, and I don't at all think anyone has to be religious to enjoy it or gain the core message of it, but I do think that it's doing a hell of a lot more good in the world message-wise than most evangelical movies of the past 30 years.

[hey-i-am-trying]

hi, tripoier here! Long text incoming alert and a detailed explanation of the situation for qsmpblr (also sorry if I make some typos I'm writing without translator)

Yeah I also saw what happened today with the og admin of Pepito and I have a lot to say about it. First of all I'm not speaking in behalf of the community but I'm my own experience of the situation. I watched the development of Pepito's story since day one and fell in love with that little guy (and his laggy PC). Then second day arrived and I noticed the admin change bc he was less laggy and I've learned enough Portuguese and 07's (Richas admin) mannerisms to recognize when he's playing a character, even Roier noticed but didn't say anything until the screencap incident lol

Few day passed and 07 created such a cute and wholesome personality for Pepito, that contrasted very well with the role that roier was having at the moment— that it's understandable that it may not be too comfortable for some people but for the ones that had been watching Roier's story in the server + his relationship with Bobby, we take it with humor/hope for him to heal slowly after what happened in Purgatory and with Bobby (and believe me, Bobby had a HUGE impact on how Roier behaved with the rest of he eggs after his death)

So during the days 07 played as Pepito all the tripoiers were in this state of hope because we knew how much q!Roier was trying hard to not to get attached to Pepito, he knew the moment something happens to him he was gonna suffer A LOT, and Pepito was this pure, innocent ray of sunshine that it was imposible for us not to love immediately (Roier also did from day one but he loved to play with us + his lore at the moment was being in depression for the lost of his husband and having Richas and Leo in their comatose state). Also, is worth to mention that after he discovered it was 07 the one playing as Pepito he became more playful and started to tease him just to make him go out of role (and succeeded one time). Which is why he used the chancla a lot with him, as a shield for the feelings that were starting to grow on him again.

Then, Otipep happened.

This is the part I'm gonna be more careful to explain bc there is a language barrier that for the people who don't have Spanish as their first language they cannot understand or got confused

When Otipep appeared Roier noticed that it was another admin playing as Pepito because 07 was busy helping with Q's lore, we don't know if he recognized immediately that it was the original one or just a random temporary admin, but he noticed that this Pepito appeared where the fist one disconnected (in the garden outside of his house). Some people noticed that it was the original one and got happy bc it meaned that finally Pepito had his permanently admin back and bc Richas and the others eggs were also back from the coma we could see them both at the same time (roier used to joke about it every time 07 was around)

We also thought that the og admin had been catching up with the role that 07 has built so far with Pepito (which was not, and we would never know if it was either miscommunication between the admins or the og admin just decided to ignore the actual role to keep their 'idea' for the role), so at first we were a little bit shocked when this Pepito started acting so "dry" (idk if this is the correct word) with Roier, bc we had already gotten used to Pepito's tender way of speaking, but we just let that pass for a bit.

But then that "dry" behavior started going to go down a path were even we as an audience started getting uncomfortable, because roier was trying to socialize with the admin but they clearly didn't knew what's has been going on these past days, so Roier take the time to make a summary of the last days with his typical chill humor, and while he was doing that everything reached its final point with the sign "hueles a culo también hijo de puta" = you also smell like ass son of a bitch.

now This. THIS right here is what destroyed everything. Because you would say "oh, it's just Pepito following Roier's game, it's was in a playful way".

No.

It. was. not.

When Roier starts calling someone with some swears or related words is always in a playful way, and there is context and trust behind. When Otipep put that sign Roier was making a summary of the role that 07 has been doing with Pepito, bc he didn't wanted to let them behind, and while doing that he always explain with his usual humor to make it less unconformable for the admin/ entertained for his audience.

So when he placed that sign we all get out of the loop because it came from nowhere, even Roier kept silence of a few second because 1). it sounded rude, that sign was so out of place 2). Roier was explaining the last few days to the admin so he can keep up with the role, he was not "joking" with the admin, or moving on to another topic, he was helping the admin. 3). We, as an audience, felt so shocked because they weren't saying that to Roier in a playful way, they were giving weight to those words. And this is the part that people that do not have Spanish as their first language doesn't understand. They gave weight to the insult. They didn't wrote that as a joke, they directly INSULTED the streamer.

Then roier proceeded to hit him with the chancla bc he wanted to take the control back of the situation in a humorous way, a damage control in other words, because the chat was filling with "??????" And people getting offended and angry (justified, even I felt offended) with the admin, but Roier is not of those type of persons and he always try to make his streams a safe place for his community, so if you ask me he did a really well job handling the situation even tho he felt offended and his audience noticed that for the rest of the stream (hell, even days later)

And if that was not enough, Roier kept trying to save the situation but the admin was not cooperating, with the "no he preguntado"= I've not asked you and other sign that I just don't remember and is not really worth it (and bc Otipep literally left Roier speaking alone with the "I'm going to look for better parents" and went to spawn zone), he just gave up trying and waited for Richas to come back (which was also chocked w the situation)

And this is me speaking from a non-neutral tone, but I think we could've had a Roier being super loving and caring with Pepito if this situation didn't happen in the first place, bc after this I noticed that Roier stopped tried to get close to Pepito, the situation really affected him so whatever role he was building with the character he just simply stopped and changed the dynamic with another one more limited and less parental, but keeping his usual humor bc it was not the fault of the actual admin or 07, it is what it is unfortunately.

That's why I'm so glad that the actual admin and Ricardão did such a good job saving Pepito because the Spanish speaking community was about to drop him, even streamers friends of Roier that are not part of the qsmp acknowledge the behavior of Otipep with Roier (if that doesn't say a lot about how complicated it was on this side of the road)

And even after all these things there was people out there calling the Spanish speaking community as dramatic or harassing Roier when the situation happened (and it seems they still do it :/ ), but most of us kept quiet because we respect Roier and as he says, mejor pasamos de movidas.

and well, this is it, I know I'm missing some points in the story but honestly getting into fights or hate in general is not my thing, I wanted to give some context for the people of Tumblr because I know, at least here people take the time to read and are more chill unlike twt, and I hope I gave some clarification for the rest of the communities that are not native in Spanish, I really really love Pepito and I'm so glad we had 07 and the actual admin there to play this character, I still can't believe that person had the audacity to come out proudly as Pepito's 1st admin when literally no one from the Spanish community considers his 2 appereances as canon after their blunder xd

Thank you for sharing!

I understand that some stuff are hard to translate, thank you for taking the time. I didn't know that your community was being called dramatic because of that! That is dumb as hell and I am sorry it happend in the first place.

Of course we are no in business of spreading hate. I have always tried to see the other side of situations, I think from what I read in the admin's doc they had some kinda of vision for the character, but I guess they didn't realized that well, they were not going to become automaticly friends with Roier and have room to "joke" like that just because they have become an egg admin. Probably my best guest of what it happend.

It is really weird, maybe they were banking on the support that the other admins have gotten? Or they actually never realized how insulting they have come out as.

Well, I don't have much to say, except I am sorry it happend at all with Roier and the hispanic community.

[spidey-555]

Things I hope the devs of CotL don't do, but a part of me feels like they'll do anyways (or might already be doing):

Revive Ratau if we chose to sacrifice him. Like I said on a previous post, it would invalidate the weight of our decision, and would open the floodgates of "can we undo other heinous actions we do?" If yes, then why should we care about the events of the game if they can all just be undone?

Make the bishops so unlikable and unsympathetic to the point where the audience ceases to care about them. I know they already aren't the most likable characters due to their abrasive personalities (excluding Shamura), but people still find them tragic, so taking away that would just be the nail in the coffin. Unfortunately, this one already seems to be happening, if the description for the graphic novel is anything to go by.

Make Narinder seem like the good guy or otherwise have the story take a side in the whole "sealing of the one who waits" debacle. This kind of ties in when the previous bullet point (especially with the "already happening in the graphic novel" thing), but if they did this, it would feel like they're just pandering to the Narilamb fans by having the story bend over backwards for it.

Have the Lamb be this flawless, unstoppable, and perfect being who everyone (except bad people) loves and will never lose ever. This one is kind of self explanatory. If the devs decide to go this route, then I feel many people would cease caring about the conflicts if this game. After all, if the Lamb can't lose ever, then what's the point of caring about any the conflicts in this game of the Lamb? I will admit that this one is more of a "me" thing than anything else

Cure the bishops of their disabilities. Heal the injuries, sure, but not the disabilities, please. In my opinion, it would be very ableist to do this, as it would imply that the only way for the bishops to be truly happy is them being cured of their disabilities.

Have there be a "canon" interpretation of the Lamb. At the end of the day, the Lamb is a player-insert character, and the fun about those characters is that they can essentially be anyone and can have many interpretations. Making a "canon" Lamb would take away the fun of those characters. This ties into the other Lamb related bullet point somewhat.

Have the Fox and Midas become followers once we beat them. This is assuming we fight them at all, of course. This one is also very opinionated. I feel like getting them as a follower would be bad because it would A) imply they have a chance at redemption and personally I like the fact that we have at least 2 villains we can just hate (here's hoping to more!) B) let us treat them however we want, which means they could not get the punishment they deserve. And before someone says that you can do the same with the bishops (the whole "not getting the punishment they deserve" thing), they already suffered in purgatory, which counts as punishment imo.

Rely too much on toilet and "naked people are funny" humor. This one is another opinionated one. Personally, I'd prefer if we got more character-based humor (hell, maybe some surreal humor as well) than humor that only a child would laugh at. I do want to post this one on the suggestions channel, but I'm afraid of the backlash.

I'll probably add more onto this when it comes to mind

[cult-bull]

Figurung things and styles out more and more, and man, I am proud of this one!

I present a Leshy with visible noseholes! Look at him! Look at him be a menace without even moving!

More about him under the cut!

Chaos is his name and his game. The first bishop to be revived by the lamb, and he took full advantage of that. How better to torment your slayer and yet purgatorial rescuer of a lamb who wants you to suffer the mortal consequences of your actions? Enjoy the heck out of mortal life. He has single-handedly caused Heket and cos revivals to take thrice as long to even be attempted because he shattered lamb's plans from the ground up.

Starts so many dance circles, i don't know why or how, but he does

Experiments with drink making a lot! Mostly produces bad/poisonous concoctions because he cants see the ingredients (at least he claims thats why, maybe he just mixes together whatever to see what will affect Lamb if they drink it)

Not on good terms with Narinder. Doesn't actively bully him (mostly) like a few others in the cult, but, feelings are... complicated.

Changes colors and types of flowers depending on the weather, mood and other factors like health. He owns various robes to mix and match if his appearance drastically changes.

Grew old and died once. A formative experience, but he was brought back by a very confused Lamb who, until that point, assumed Leshy would share Narinder's immortality.

There is more to say about this guy for sure, especially in his relationships with the lamb and Narinder, but this is most of his basics. I'm very happy how he turned out!

[lullydoesstuff]

Rengoku, why "Purgatory"?

I've never seen anyone analysing this so I decided to do it.

Have you ever wondered why Rengoku literally means "Purgatory" if flames are associated with Hell? Well, I'll explain it.

⚠️ GIANT DISCLAIMER: I'LL TALK ABOUT CHRISTIANITY IN MY OWN WAY, MAYBE EXPRESSING MY IDEAS ABOUT THIS DOCTRINE BUT I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYONE ⚠️

First of all, I recently learned that Purgatory isn't a thing in doctrines that aren't Catholicism, this is because it isn't a thing in the Bible in the first place, but the first mention of another afterlife that wasn't Hell or Heaven is born during the medieval times and during the sale of the indulgences period this concept of a place where souls could redeem was used to have more money by saying "if you donate to our church and pray you'll get your loved ones in heaven first and you'll get to heaven too". Basically a marketing strategy, sorry not sorry.

But I know what you're thinking about now, there should be something referring to this redemption in the Bible, yes, there's something and this is the reason why we're here today. There are some mentions of the "purgatorial fire", associated with the Holy Ghost, capable of burning away sins through pain and suffering, though martyrdom. It's absolutely terryfying so I can understand anyone who paid for their loved ones. I'm trying to make it quick and easy so this could be kinda rushed.

But let's get to Kyojuro Rengoku, we've seen that fire is the symbol of purification and... Kyojuro's soul looks like this.

Outside his dream is about him teaching his brother how to use his sword, he's having a great moment with him but inside his subconscious everything is burning and his soul is red.

I've seen people seeing this as "it's because he's angry, he spent his whole life with an abusive father figure not wanting to become like him" and yes, this is true, but it's not all. This is just about the fact that his core is red, but the flames surrounding it are the purgatorial fire we were talking about before.

He can be angry but that anger is just his, the flames are a way to purify that rage and keeping it at bay, outside everything must be peaceful.

But let's come to the fight with Akaza and let's be honest, Rengoku dies in one of the most painful ways a person can: sustaining multiple major injuries without losing consciousness until death. And this is the whole point about the movie Martyrs, basically an organization kidnaps a woman and tortures her so she can talk to God and tell them what's after death, don't watch it if you can't stand gore, but if you don't care about it go watch it because it's a masterpiece, and now I'm going to drop a major spoiler so don't read this sentence if you don't want to know the ending. Basically in the end the woman is flayed and she hallucinates and says to the leader of the cult what's after death, then she finally dies after being beaten up and martyrized. SPOILERS OVER! The same thing happens to Kyojuro, he keeps being beaten up by Akaza until he receives a fatal wound, after using the "Purgatory" form in fact, but his torment doesn't end until he has an hallucination of his mother telling him that he fulfilled his duty, and he can finally die and stop suffering.

From this moment his family "purifies" too, Shinjuro starts treating Senjuro decently, we see him defending the house where Nezuko is staying during the final arcs and he also apologises to Tanjiro for his behaviour during their first meeting. Senjuro too stops tormenting himself with the whole Flame Hashira thing, this is just the perfect representation of "purification".

I hope you liked this post, I hope no one felt offended, in case sorry and see you next time❤️‍🔥

[tobi-draws]

Quick rant about Jax from The Amazing Digital Circus

I genuinely do not understand fans who loved Jax in episode one, but hate him now that episode 2 is out.

"Oh, but he was so mean to Gangle."

Yeah. He's a mean character. He was mean in the first episode too. You don't have to like him, but I just don't understand the switch up.

"But why is he so mean to Gangle specifically?"

Because she's an easy target. The other members of the circus self advocate a lot more than she does. Even though he bullies them too, it's with a lot more of an equal standing. Personally Jax and Ragatha give off sibling vibes for this reason in my opinion. Gangle however, does not self advocate, so she's a lot easier for Jax to subdue and control.

That moves me to my next point. Jax likes control. He likes having control over a situation, and he likes having control of others. And to be fair, I think anyone would be desperate for control if they were stuck in a rainbow digital purgatory, with everything being controlled by the whims of an Ai with no understanding of actual human emotions.

I'm not condoning Jax's behavior, but to be honest, it makes sense from a psychological standpoint. And also, to be honest, if I was stuck in tadc, I'd either abstract, or I'd turn into either Kinger or Jax. Seriously. I'd either abstract, or I'd decened into a level of madness that wasn't me excepting the hopelessness of the situation, and end up wacky like Kinger, or I'd become an absolute asshole as a desperate attempt for control. It's wrong, but also, I'm not gonna judge too much. I've never been stuck in digital purgatory.

And that leads me to yet another point. It's not just a control thing. I'm not gonna try to get people to rationalize Jax's actions, so people will like him. He's still a sadist. He enjoys other people's suffering... to an extent. I don't think he wants anything truly bad to happen to the other humans, partially because he'd lose his entertainment, and partially because I do feel like he cares about them to some extent. My reason for believing the second one, is due to that split second where Jax looks genuinely sad about the funeral. Though, if I remember correctly, he didn't go to the funeral. So how much he cares is iffy, but I do think he does care.

But that's just a theory. A game theory. B)

So basically all this was a long winded way of saying, I really love Jax as a character. He's an asshole in a way that amuses me, and he has enough layers to keep me invested in his character, even when he does fucked up shit. I want to know why he's like this. I want to know if it's just because of the circus, or if he'd be fucked up even without it. I'm very excited to see where this goes.

I just wish people didn't see a character that's an obviously bad person, start liking that character, and then get upset when the character does bad things. Jax is a dick. He's gonna do bad things. You don't have to like him, but you shouldn't be surprised when he does fucked up stuff. It's Jax.

[ruinedsam]

op ur post about post-cage sam with stockholm syndrome has changed my life how do u see that manifesting in sam. how does he feel about it. ur wise words. i want to know what u think.

Anon, this is such a lovely ask, I don't know if you'll ever see this but I'm really sorry this took me more than three months to answer 🙈🙈

I think Sam, no matter what scenario, would and does feel deeply, deeply ashamed for any kind of attachement or connection to Lucifer.

Anyway I think there are many different ways to stockholm syndrome!Sam:

S6B: Sam feels like there's something missing. He doesn't know what it is, but there's a deep ache within him. It's not for Dean. God, he wishes it was Dean. And the shame of that tastes like bile: that Dean is not enough for Sam. That he wants something else. He thinks of Ruby and the demon blood. He thinks about Jess dying on the ceiling. Wanting things has never worked out well for him. He wishes he knew what he was yearning for - . Then Castiel breaks his wall and Sam remembers - bits and pieces, but it is enough. Oh, he thinks, of course it is you.

S7: When Sam starts hallucinating, Lucifer doesn't threaten him. He tries to make Sam believe he's still in the cage, but it's not to hurt Sam. He's understanding, almost apologetic. I know you miss Dean, but he's not here. You're with me. He's pointing out lucky escapes, making pointed remarks about the events of S6+7 (Purgatory, Eve, Leviathans...does all this not seem absurd to you?), the state of his and Dean's relationship (I don't know why you do this to yourself, Sam. Why do you imagine Dean treating you like this? The brother who trusted you to defeat me, who stood by you just as my brother did not...). Sam tries to dismiss everything he says, yet sometimes as he lies in bed at night after a long, tense, depressing day, Dean long since lulled to sleep with the help of whisky, he can't help but wish Hallucifer was right and none of this was real. And sometimes Lucifer hits a particular apt point and Sam spends days staring at Dean, looking for signs that can tell him if he's real or not. Sometimes - sometimes Lucifer feels much more real than Dean.

S11-13: There's something very compelling (to me) about Sam remembering exactly what Lucifer did to him in hell and hating him for it and yet being drawn to him. After all the time in the cage together he knows Lucifer - too well. He knows how he thinks, how he sees the world, what motivates him, how he feels about everything he does. Lucifer's mindset is as familiar to him as if it was his own. The certainty of his own experiences of suffering from Lucifer's hands vs the certainity of Lucifer's righteousness in making him suffer. And Lucifer knows exactly what Sam feels and of course wants to exploit it. Needless to say in this scenario Jack would explicitly be Lucifer's attempt to babytrap Sam...

[theprinceofliones]

Omg your headcanon for Lancelot are great! I also got a headcanon for Lancelot....😗....he likes kissing Percival on his forehead when nobody is looking...😚🤭 got some more headcanons for Lancelot or any other character?

Aww thank you hun!!! And yes! I have a ton of more headcanons for other characters! Mainly for Meliodas, Ban, Elizabeth, and Elaine hehe

One more Lancelot headcanon tho that I forgot to mention, something that's kind of au-like but, since he was stuck with the Lady of the Lake for so long, he considers her like a mother almost. She was the one who was with him the entire time he was stuck wherever he was. Of course, had Master Jericho, but Lady of the Lake, /Mother/, was by his side, in his mind, whispering words of comfort in his ear and running her hidden fingers through his hair when he needed reassuring. She was a rock he didn't know he needed. But, she's also the reason for everything he hates about himself. It's why he avoids Benwick, why he doesn't come home. He can't face his mother---his /real/ mother, how could he, when he replaced her so easily?

Very much Stockholm syndromey for sure with the whole Lady of the Lake situation. He feels like he needs her even though she was the one keeping him trapped. He needs her like he needs a limb, but at the same time, he feels like he could make do with never seeing her again because he hates her for taking away those years he could've had with his parents, his uncles, his aunties, with /Tristan/---

But, that's a story for another day...

MELIODAS HEADCANONS HEHEHEHE

Meliodas is a VERY overprotective father. It might not seem like it at first, but he's extremely careful and watchful of his son. That's his baby. The one thing he's been waiting for for nearly three thousand years, the thing that brings him and Elizabeth eternal joy and happiness, the one thing that makes all of their suffering worth it.

When Tristan is born, Meliodas is like "dude I hit the jackpot first TRY" because holy shit THAT'S ELIZABETH REBORN...AGAIN! It's why they stopped at one---they don't need to try again bECAUSE HE ALREADY WON AHAHAHA

(Ban and Meliodas are like sobbing for joy together because they BOTH won man. Sons that look just like their mothers first, TRY. A millennia in purgatory was all worth it for THEM)

He's TERRIFIED of the thought of Tristan training with real weapons when he's a toddler though. Elizabeth is all for it, saying that he'd be fine and they'd be right there if anything happened. She was always willing to let Tristan have the freedom they never did---but Meliodas was biting his knuckles bloody because what if his little boy gets HURT??? Goddess healing or not, his precious boy would still be in pain!!!

Like I said, VERRYYYY overprotective but slowly tries to learn to let go and let his son be his own, although as Tristan grows up, he mistakes his father's overprotectiveness for disappointment and doubt in his own child. But, Tristan couldn't be more wrong...

Hehe onto Elizabeth!

She is a boy mom. A boy. Mom. Not them toxic boy moms, a BOY MOM. She dresses her son up in pretty little outfits when he's a newborn through his toddler ages, almost like a cute tiny doll. He has two entire wardrobes filled with frilly dresses and adorable little fluffy blouses by the time he's four. She braids his hair, lets it grow long and longer still. Ties his silver locks into ponytails, or buns, and even puts little accessories on his head here and there. Tristan surprises her with how much he seems to love it---or maybe it's because his mother's attention is solely focused on him.

SHE IS THE QUEEN OF BRITANNIA! I'm sorry but making Meliodas King makes absolutely no sense to me...probably bc I'm a hardcore ASOIAF fan so seeing a daughter who is technically in line for throne get cast aside by a random male protagonist with no claim whatsoever makes me lose my mind lmfao. BUT SHE IS THE QUEEN! She handles diplomatic and domestic issues all throughout the kingdom meanwhile Meliodas is in charge of the military, trade routes, training Holy Knights, and other little things that the Queen doesn't need to be involved with.

She acts more like the Elizabeth we meet at the beginning of the series, a little more reserved and a little shyer but she will stand her ground and be the Queen her kingdom needs when the time calls for it.

Nakaba, I like you sometimes and all, but that god awful, horrible, eye traumatizing DRESS you put that beautiful woman in is a crime against women. I WON'T STAND FOR IT! Elizabeth wears the most REGAL ELEGANT gowns. Thinking more of victorian and medieval fashion slapped together with some Targaryen fashion sprinkled in as well. She WILL be dressed beautifully with a silver band that wraps around her head with little jewels and crystals hanging from it. Meliodas has a gold band with a single gem, indicating his status as the Prince-Consort to the Queen, and then Tristan has a silver band like his mother with sapphires and pearls, indicating HIS status as the Crown Prince of Britannia and biological relation to the Queen of Britannia.

Oh, final thing. BAN, MELIODAS, ELIZABETH, AND ELAINE HAVE ALL HAD A FOURSOME AT LEAST ONCE I DON'T MAKE THE RULES I'M MERELY A PAWN IN NAKABA'S GAME

okay okay I'm so sorry I went on a tangent BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED! I love answering asks so keep them coming! Feel free to ask about Half Light as well! I'd love to chat about it!

[latteandjacks]

The circus is hell, or purgatory or something like that, not literally but a personal one for sure

You know

With Pomni saying "he wants me to suffer" and not sounding like she was talking about Caine, the fact that they refer to that place as hell in a more personal way than just the fact that that is the name of the room they're in and Kinger's sanity getting back from the dark but ALSO the recording of the guy saying he killed his own wife

It all just makes me believe more in the "the characters deserve to be there as a personal hell" theory

In this essay I will-

Something something Jax deserves to be in the circus the most ask answer something

If I remember correctly, the characters didn't just straight up forget everything about the real world, they just forget their names and likely, most of their lives (Like Zooble who doesn't remember their gender), which is weird because why would they remember references to movies such as Augustus Gloop but not remember something as basic as their own names? What even is that system?

Going back, the moment Pomni and Kinger get dragged to "hell" is when Pomni starts to lose her mind and breaks

Tbf I'm also losing my mind i'm running on 3 hours of sleep

I think we all catched up that the "he wants me to suffer" felt too personal to be about Caine, mainly because she's referring to herself and not the rest of the cast even tho she knows by this point that Kinger isn't having a good time either. The thing is that she knows HE wants her to suffer but she doesn't know WHY, she knows she is in hell but has no idea what she did to deserve any of this

And I believe is worse to punish someone and never tell them why, than to tell someone why they're being punished, not knowing what they did to deserve it will only contribute to the mental torment

Yeah, we can easily guess why Jax is in the circus, but how about the rest of them?

We don't know much of the characters, but assuming they're straight up horrible people like Jax is pretty boring This is where the other theory of "Every member of the cast, abstracted and not abstracted, worked for the company at some point, or was somehow affiliated"

We know what the show is based of: I have no mouth and I must scream, we could assume that it's not deserved as in "they did the unspeakable and are going to get tortured because of it" but more like "they got involved into things they shouldn't, and are now paying the high price for it"

Lets move the subject to Caine for a bit

We all now this, Caine is the name of the first sinner, Cain's punishment is to be inmortal and forever walk in earth among humans and can not be killed And also, Caine is probably NOT in control of the circus, apparently, there's someone above him, whether that someone is a human or an AI like AM, is unknown

The circus still depends of him tho

The moment he starts to question what is he good at if not keeping people sane the world crumbles

Caine is, in a way, some sort of opposite to AM

He likes humans but doesn't understands them, he tries to keep them from losing sanity and TRIES (and fails) to treat them good and decently, he also is sentient and doesn't seems to have a problem with it While AM keeps the humans alive to torture them, Caine has no control on their lives but tries to keep them safe

It connects back to the original idea, the cast is in hell, but while AM actively tortures them in the most gruesome ways you can harm a human, the circus destroys them from the inside

His job is to keep them there, you're no allowed to die and instead become an abomination with primal instincts that can't be easily calmed down for probably eternity, the alternative is to surrender to the madness and go into adventures that, most of the time, just end up very wrong and traumatize the cast

Caine is UNVOLUNTARELY torturing the last remaining humans that were put in that world, stretching it and getting confident, I would even say the last humans that worked in the company

Jax deserves to be there the most, this could just be a joke about how much of a dick he is, but it can also be literal and he was a horrible human being It is unknown if the rest of the performers might've done crappy thing voluntarily or willingly, so we can just assume that working for C&A is already bad enough to deserve to be put into a colorful hell as the circus

"He" could be anything, the boss of the company trying to get rid of his employees in the same way many people disappeared after using their products, employees that think everyone deserves to be punished for supporting the company, even a bigger AI that became sentient and realized what they were doing

This also just concludes another thing: They can't escape, they will never be able to because the circus is made to be an eternal punishment, you can't get out of hell (well, technically you can but that's not the point) so you can't get out of the circus either

The characters are being mentally tortured and punished and they can't even remember what they did or what they should be repenting. The headset is MADE to not allow you to remember yourself, but the life's of the other around you

So basically: The cast worked for C&A, they were punished by getting them stuck in the circus and they don't know that so they have no idea that they're being punished and why for

[liketwoswansinbalance]

Rafal is the King of the Golden Mountain

"The King of the Golden Mountain" is such a Never fairy tale, and a canonical one at that (not in SGE, I mean classic, fairy-tale canon). Since the protagonist becomes royalty, he's probably an Ever, even if he uses violent means to reach his end. So, maybe Good is only Good relatively speaking in this tale. At first, the king does try for the peaceful solution, and some Good fairy tales do end in gruesome punishment for the villains. However, a mass of people standing in the way of you getting your throne back aren't all exactly villains, which is why I'm insinuating that the seemingly Ever king is probably a Never king at heart.

The protagonist reminds me of Rafal immensely, in terms of his reactions and everything. The tale is brutal, and it's basically a revenge-fantasy story, which seems odd considering how most of the Brothers Grimm stories, or the better-known ones, at least, have fairly "happy" endings. This one just reeks of bloodlust and victory and smug satisfaction. Like, seriously, it's insane. And, you'd think that by the title, it'd be more Midas-like, but no, I'd say it's Rafal-like. Really.

The poor, suffering king is just deservedly unhinged at this point, like how Rafal should have gotten his proper, very plausible villain arc. I'm still bitter over the Fall identity-swap plot twist! Rafal deserved real vengeance! Especially after he slaved away for Rhian, to fix mess after mess, problem after problem. By the Storian, can't he just get a break! I suppose that, at best, he could be in Purgatory. He was never truly Good enough for Heaven because I don't think a sudden turn realistically can make up for a lifetime of Evil deeds.

Also, this is a tale where practically everyone's beheaded, so just a little advance notice.

Anyway, here's an excerpt from the ending section:

When he was near his palace, he heard sounds of joy, and fiddles, and flutes, and the people told him that his wife was celebrating her wedding with another. Then he fell into a rage, and said, "False woman, she betrayed and deserted me whilst I was asleep!" So he put on his cloak, and unseen by all went into the palace. When he entered the dining-hall a great table was spread with delicious food, and the guests were eating and drinking, and laughing, and jesting. She sat on a royal seat in the midst of them in splendid apparel, with a crown on her head. He placed himself behind her, and no one saw him. When she put a piece of meat on a plate for herself, he took it away and ate it, and when she poured out a glass of wine for herself, he took it away and drank it. She was always helping herself to something, and yet she never got anything, for plate and glass disappeared immediately. Then dismayed and ashamed, she arose and went to her chamber and wept, but he followed her there. She said, "Has the devil power over me, or did my deliverer never come?" Then he struck her in the face, and said, "Did thy deliverer never come? It is he who has thee in his power, thou traitor. Have I deserved this from thee?" Then he made himself visible, went into the hall, and cried, "The wedding is at an end, the true King has returned." The kings, princes, and councillors who were assembled there, ridiculed and mocked him, but he did not trouble to answer them, and said, "Will you go away, or not?" On this they tried to seize him and pressed upon him, but he drew his sword and said, "All heads off but mine," and all the heads rolled on the ground, and he alone was master, and once more King of the Golden Mountain.

The ending is just so vicariously satisfying! I'm hoping someone will see what I mean because it can't just be me who sees the likeness. This protagonist has his petty, chaotic fun, and is mischievous, like Fala's presence at the Circus. And, he suffered at the hands of various men, for his princess, later his wife, a supposed True Love (the cheater!), just like Rafal sacrificed and went through so much physical pain for Rhian, his True Love and the equivalent of the wife in this story. And, Rafal was almost imprisoned with a life-sentence, and was overthrown by Vulcan just like this king was replaced by another, a false hero. After all that he did for Rhian! The injustice! Besides, it feels like a very Rafal thing to cleverly fleece people out of their belongings, even if it seems somewhat accidental in nature in this particular tale. (This happened earlier in the tale, before this scene. And, the wife didn't completely deserve death, I'll admit. The king himself also erred at times, so they're both at fault.)

Side note from while I was writing this: this has got to be the best, most fitting typo I have ever made: "overthrone" instead of "overthrown," and yet, it still applies to tyranny and thrones! Haha!

If you want to read the entire tale, here's one source from which the excerpt came:

And the Wikipedia page for further analysis/a shorthand summary:

If anyone is interested in reading about another fairy tale parallel to the prequels, here's a link to an old "Faithful John" post of mine.

[neko-naruto]

everything that was will be again

Summary: Phil didn't even know for sure that someone would collect his child after death, but he's really, really glad that an old friend is the one who does it.

Warnings: off screen death, swearing, crying, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: honestly, Technoblade would've served everyones ass on a platter if he was part of qsmp purgatory, but on account of me being too tired to write a series of fight scenes, have this instead. and hey! please check the ao3 tags on this because Phil isn't Techno's dad here cause this dynamic is more fun to write in place of it. anyways! hope ya'll enjoy and if you do consider dropping a reblog or checking the ao3 port

Phil knew that someone would come to collect Chayanne when he finally died. He just really, really didn't expect someone as bulky, and intimidating, and not very calming, to do so. Hell, he isn't even sure if he can believe his own eyes as he stares at the man collecting the corpse of his child.

He barely manages to croak out an impossibly weak, "Technoblade?"

He watches with rapt attention as the caped form freezes up, "I can't talk with you, Phil," It's the voice, it shoots euphoria through Phil. The same deepness of the piglins voice still rings true and the avian starts to shake a bit, "Dude, don't start crying, it's unprofessional."

Phil gives a nod, still observing as Technoblade gently placed down Chayanne. He watches the full body sigh work it's way through the piglin before he turns to face Phil. He has more scars now, deep and jagged, and Phil remembers his ascension to blood god, he knows where those scars are from. And there's this blinking red clip on one of his ears and Phil knows he can tear it out but he doesn't for some reason.

"Federations gonna fucking kill me if they find out I was loitering," Technoblade said before spreading his arms, "Regardless, bring it in man."

He stumbles back a bit after Phil makes contact with him, a lunging motion as arms squeeze around his ribcage until it almost stings. Tears dampen his shirt and wings are splayed out, affection, he returns the motions just as strong. He hoists Phil up just a bit and butts the top of his head against the side of Phil's face, the avian is still holding onto Technoblade wherever his hands can reach.

"I thought you were gone for good," Phil's voice shatters as he speaks, trying his very hardest to stay professional as he latches onto the piglin. It feels like just yesterday that it was every single morning waking up and getting the most aggressive, rib crushing embrace from the blood god.

And Technoblade laughs just a bit, "It takes a lot more than ascension to keep me away," He places down Phil and the avian looks frazzled in a good way.

He's shaking just a bit, excitement, confusion- everything is rushing through his veins at the moment. He opens his mouth to speak but he can't manage a whole lot of words. He has to take a seat so he doesn't just fall over instead, what a day, his son died, his old partner in everything out there is here to collect his son.

"Look, Phil," Technoblade began, "The Federation isn't exactly pleased with the lot of you, it doesn't matter why I know that, but trust me, you guys are sort of fucked. They want you to suffer, well, somebody over there does at least," He crouches down to be closer to eye level with Phil, "I missed you man-"

"And so did I mate! How come you never dropped in to say hi?" Phil asked, exuberance clear on his voice.

"Let me finish my sentence," Technoblade continued with seamlessly, "Promise me that you won't go insane, someone has plans for you, that someone has plans for all of this islands inhabitants. It's gonna suck ass, all you gotta do is promise me you'll win."

Phil just gives him this blank look. He has absolutely no idea about what it is that Technoblade is trying to explain.

The piglin heaves a sigh, "I won't be able to go save you with this stupid clip," To punctuate he tugs on it, "Only thing letting me onto the island at a small price."

"You work for the Federation?" Phil asked quietly, suddenly somber.

"'Work for' is a strong term, Phil, you know how I feel about guys like the island feds," Technoblade said, disgust heady on his voice at the notion of working for them, "I just collect the dead things for them, only job I'd take. I got to show off some godly wrath when they tried to fuck me up and put me in an office, then they put this clip on. It 'makes me less of a hazard' in Cucurucho's words- I've had enough of that guy to be honest."

Phil laughed, "We all have."

Technoblade takes a seat beside Phil, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Phil said as he leaned on Technoblade heavily, "I got assigned a husband."

"Yeah, I heard about that. Be honest with me, is he a better lover than I was?" Technoblade teased.

"Hey mate, me and Missa are parenting, no time to fuck around," Phil said, and despite the red rising too his face he gave a playful punch to Technoblade's shoulder.

"Sounds lame as hell," The piglin said rather bluntly, "But hey, your kids 'dead' now, you got plenty of time to compare your shitty husband to me when you're in bed."

"Too soon," Phil said and technoblade dropped the subject, "But yeah, you were definitely more fun than Missa is in just about any field."

"Glad to hear I'm holding up even though I sort of left," Technoblade said, drumming his fingers along Phil's side.

There's a somewhat comfortable beat of silence.

"So, you're working for the federation now?" Phil began cautiously.

"Yeah, it's good work, gives me a roof to sleep under," Technoblade explained, "I mostly took it cause I wanted to see you and Quackity again."

"Aw, Techno, that's so sweet of you,"

"Yeah, yeah, blood god wants to check in on his pseudo-mortal, completely unheard of I know. But seriously man, when the train comes, you're gonna board it, and you might go insane, but try not too until I can find a way in. Promise me,"

Phil paused, "Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but I promise I won't go insane," He unfolded a wing and curled it around Technoblade.

"Thank you,"

"You're welcome mate,"

"By the way, when the teams are decided you and your husband will be split up- you're gonna have to kill him,"

"Survival is survival,"

"Exactly, I'll try and break in to fuck things up just enough to keep most of you safe from whatever it is the man has planned,"

"Is it-"

"Cucurucho? No, someone else, not entirely sure who yet. You gotta remember, I live in the pigsty,"

"They put you in a literal pigsty?!"

"Gods wrath is disabled Phil, they can do whatever they want with me until I figure out how to disable this fucking thing,"

The smell of Chayanne's body is starting to linger on the air, it makes their eyes water a bit. They glance over to find some bugs already flocking to it, the sight makes Phil feel sick.

Technoblade stands up, "I should be going though, I'm pretty sure I have some cows that died of natural causes to clean up."

Phil gives a hum, standing up and grabbing Technoblade's hand, "Thanks mate, for everything really, I was really getting worried about you. If you got struck from godhood or something, you usually hear about a blood gods rage in the news."

The piglin butted his head against Phil's one last time for good measure, "I'll be back man, I promise."

"You fucking better be back,"

[ushioliddell-blog]

Max and Aypierre : what they had in common.

Analyze time ? Analyse time.

So I said before they were alike, right ? Time to develop.

Their way to deal with pain, angst and suffering :

Hiding in work AND alcohol (and food for Q!Max ). One will sink himself in his machines and castle, and the other sank in Order Theoritas when he lost Trumpet. Their loss give them strenght to create things for not fall inside the black (lol) but for this they sink themselve in anything that can make them deal with their dark thoughts by hiding them under the floor.

Their way to hide how they feel and why :

They will, both of them, choose to NOT talk about what they really feel, choosing sentences with double meanings or way to say things in the tone of their voice. Example ? All the things that did Max to try to flirt with Forever, the "I drink " in answer on how Aypierre copes with Pomme's loss. If they have a problem they will choose first to HIDE it to people. The best example is obviously Max's leg, but in Aypierre's case, the way his dreams affect him. Even to Pomme he never says, how he awoke with shaking hands and tears and even ask to Cucurucho to never tell ANYONE.

I will just precise one thing : if you manage to have Aypierre's trust, he will talk more about what IS happening to him. But NEVER all the pain. And both of them for the same reasons : not worry their loved one. They will always do what they can to ease the anxiety, mostly with jokes which can make feel that "oh yes, it's not so important" but with other topics,too, sometimes.

They will put on a smiling face with jokes, most of the time. One of them a way too much, so people won't take him really seriously and won't see him as someone who can really care about anything. And it may have affected their relationship as well since it can make him harder to believe. And I m pretty sure it did. In Max's case, make believe that he succeeds to get over the pain, for persons who don't know him. And that he fell just like Aypierre. (If I watched only Aypierre's point of view, I will have thought that he was interested at first when it seems that it came a little bit but later ).

Their communication problems and with words :

These two have REAL difficulties to say NO (Max ) or I like you (both lol) or tell the other what they think. One of them because he is afraid of being controlled and seemed to be weak, the other is used to keep his frustrations to himself and doesn't have enough self confidence to think that what he feels is worth and that he can be loved for who he is. Example : "what you really want" and how Aypierre STRUGGLES to say what he wants with silence, and "exclusivity" before saying "I only want you" and what Max said about Dan during Dio de los Muertos that he (himself) wasn't worth of being loved and that's why Dan disappeared.

In Aypierre, it got better with public hugs and saying more and more openly how he missed him (Time, trust....), in Max's case, it worsen with his leg and the choice he asks without really saying it to Aypierre. Him or Pomme. That's what it really was, when he asked him to follow him. Aypierre thought they had time, Max knew they haven't and was thinking that in this island where the Feds control everything they can't be happy and that Pomme was already dead and taken away by the Feds just like his son. He wanted to be healthy and happy and was thinking he can be outside the island. He made plans with Aypierre, was willing to go with him. But he chose Pomme, even if he said "I m unsure I will follow you". He understood, yes, but in Max's mind, (with his despair and lack of confidence ) it may have reminded how worthless he was as a choice. (He isn't but that's how he sees himself ).

Their love for their children :

Ow, yes, they love them REALLY a lot. They will do ANYTHING for them (wanting to win Purgatory even if it means betray teammates, go everyday in Dio de Los Muertos area to take care of him ) They are the reasons for A LOT of things they do. They both have the "Don't forget, you're here forever" with photos of their children with the same message "Do it for him/her". Their children is their everything, their number one priority. Yes, both of them were not always the best parent, but they cared A LOT about them. And if they loose them they...... sink. One in violence and revenge, one in revenge (sorry, destroy the Federation is revenge XD ).

Revenge (We stay with the mood ) :

They BOTH have revenge tendancies. Aypierre......... it's really obvious (Ayrobot is WAY WORSER of this than Aypierre..... I think that the two cuts comes from him, but the salty comment where from Aypierre ) XD. In Max's case ? Destroy the Federation. It's a way to avenge himself for what they did to his family and himself and the other islanders. He wanted freedom, wanted to take it by force and destroy them, with no regards of the workers. No direct violence, but a NUCLEAR BOMB. XD It's just that Max's revenge is more cold blooded, more thought about, more insidious. On this, none of them is better XD It's juste that one them is more thoughtful about that and think more about casualities and consequences (...... I know not at the last moments, but he was at full despair and madness, so... ). If Aypierre is fire, Max is ice, with revenge.

Their hate/disdain/distrust about the Federation :

You laugh, I heard you. Aypierre, hate the Federation ? He works for them, hahaha. And..... no. He....... does the EXACT thing that Max made. He..... PLAY WITH THEM and USE them. Max, using the Feds ? Remember.... Who Max tricked to become a Minime dealer AND repair his machines ? Cucurucho. And what did Aypierre ? He become their wine maker to KNOW IF THEIR WINE WAS A THREAT TO EGGS AND to protect Pomme. He wants informations. And Aypierre is a character who doesn't go often in direct conflit. Will always use subtles ways (music, masked man, great smiles with mean words behind his back ). For someone, as entire as Max, his way of being is shady and untrustful but..... the only way for Aypierre to have infos are to stay openly on Cucurucho's good side. And the person who knows what he did in the past IS Cucurucho. But ow he hates them and distrust them as much as Max did. The only difference is that one of them have no real problems to use Federation more openly than the other.

And that's all folks for today. If I find something else, i will gladly make a new post. (maybe one day for the problems they have as a couple XD ).

[bluestar22x]

Alien Son Masterlist

Series Summary: Unbeknownst to him, Cade was a product of an experiment with the goal of raising a super solider. Saved from that fate by his adoptive parents, he is still hunted. Eventually, as it always does, his past catches up with him, though now there's another plan for him, one he could've never imagined.

With the help of friends, Cade must escape his captors again, resuming his life on the run in hopes of finally ending it once and for all, before another generation of his family line has to suffer the consequences.

Rating: 18+ series (explicit content, sensitive topics)

Warnings/General Info: Science fiction, mpreg (due to fictional science), violence, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, friendship (found family), romance (male x female), eventual love scene, violation of autonomy (by the antagonists), cloning, inter-species relationship (sort of - Cade is part human/more human than not), xenophobia, alien super human abilities

--- Don't like, don't read or comment! ---

Author's Note: I wrote this a few years ago, never intending to really show this to anyone, but then I saw this Joel Miller Fanfic and the request that it spawned from, and I couldn't help but think maybe I could share this story on tumblr.

This is an original character story, created long before I became a part of the Pedro character fandom, but the main lead does have Latino/Hispanic heritage by coincidence.

The idea for this formed from wanting an mpreg story that wasn't treated like a joke or too over the top. I wanted to write something someone who isn't really into mpreg might enjoy anyway, because that's not all this is about. It's about friendship and family (and some cruel mad scientists).

I'm a very sentimental person. What drew me to mpreg was seeing a softer side to a male character (specifically one born male) - that's all. Plus it makes for some humorous freaking out because bio males aren't supposed to fill this role, blah, blah, blah. I really enjoy making the boys weirded out by the flipped role situation (hopefully their reactions feel realistic - this is why this is an original character fic instead of a fanfic).

Cade And Kamilah aren't really based on any characters, but Noah has a little hint of Dean Winchester (SPN) in him. Cool guy, even cooler leather jacket. ;)

xxx

Chapter 1: Found

Chapter 2: The Facility

Chapter 3: The Aliens Among Us

Chapter 4: Mara

Chapter 5: Kamilah

Chapter 6: The Plan

Chapter 7: Clone

Chapter 8: Purgatory

Chapter 9: Connection

Chapter 10: The Escape

Chapter 11: Detective

Chapter 12: Doctor Hill

Chapter 13: The Beginning

Chapter 14: New Orleans

Chapter 15: Breakfast

Chapter 16: The Ambush

Chapter 17: Concern

Chapter 18: Bigfoot Town

Chapter 19: Fourteen Weeks

Chapter 20: Union

Chapter 21: Movement

Chapter 22: Noah

Chapter 23: Awake

Chapter 24: Goodbye, San Francisco

Chapter 25: The Grand Canyon

Chapter 26: Fear

Chapter 27: Birthday

Chapter 28: Redfield

Chapter 29: The Return

Chapter 30: Captured

Chapter 31: The Rescue

Chapter 32: Decisions

Chapter 33: Family

Chapter 34: Restless Flight

Chapter 35: Switzerland

Chapter 36: Haflingers

Chapter 37: Doctor's Appointment

Chapter 38: Pain

Chapter 39: Hope

Epilogue

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Extended Scenes/Post Series One Shots

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Music Inspo List

Some Days - Brent Morgan

Time Moves On – Phantom Planet (1st 15 seconds – highway travel song inspo)

Lean On Me – J2

The Fixer - Brent Morgan

Make You Feel My Love - Adele

We’re In This Together Now – Loving Caliber

Warm With You - Hayden Calnin

I Guess I'm In Love - Clinton Kane

What Dreams Are Made Of - Brent Morgan

In My Blood - The Score

Blink - Revive

On My Way (Marry Me) - Jennifer Lopez

xxx