#make america think harder
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an ame with which it's debatable whether he knows (probably, distantly.) or acknowledges (no) that he's a little *squeak* in the brain but it really throws him off balance when others notice . but he's not subtle... i think you go grocery shopping with him and he's very obviously turning things around to read the back but if he feels like you're staring he starts overheating. 20 minutes later he's still thinking about it and goes "haha yeah did i tell you im allergic to somethingxylathamine-B and gotta check everything for it? that's why i was doing that. by the way. if you were wondering." but you already forgot what he's referring to...
#ed ment tw#i don't think this is often a big deal for him though. except when it has to be (unignorable suffering).#if it's ever a big deal for someone else he'll kill them both#slop#lore#aph america#there are many factors at play here which makes this fun to me. there's also a sensory aspect. and also a silly anime girl who likes burger#this might mysteriously disappear later ooo who knowsss ooooo mysteriousss#i assign him ednos realness to keep him on his toes.#if there was a pattern or steadiness to his actions he’d get used to it which would make this less miserable#surprise ame you get a diagnostic (ame seethe) and you get the vague “something is wrong buddy” diagnostic (ame harder seethe)#(well no he doesn't because he doesn't get psych'd. haha dude what do you mean. he's totally fine. he's awesome)#throws this and runs in the opposite direction and hides#emeto cw#also#myart
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Like. The last thing I'm going to say is that I see a lot of comments about how "Well Americans probably deserve whatever is coming to them" because [some variation of how we are all equally violent and stupid and of course we elected this guy] and I will be the FIRST one to go, "Fuck America for real, I hate it here" but. There are in fact millions of people who did not want this. Who actively fought against it and will continue to do so.
BELIEVE ME, I understand the impulse to go, "Well with all the shit America has done to the rest of the world, why should I feel bad for them." I understand that compassion fatigue is real. And I DEFINITELY don't think it's the rest of the world's job to fight my battles for me or prioritize my feelings above anyone else's.
But if people are worried for their safety. If they're scared. If they're wondering how they and the people they love are going to survive the next few years. If people are feeling despair and despondence over the fact that they are stuck in an absolutely hellish landscape they did not ask for. Just...please let them have that. You don't have to tell them that you think they deserve it.
#us politics#I just think that every vulnerable person who tried to prevent this probably would not in any way benefit or become a better person from#hearing 'you are acceptable collateral damage of the upcoming administration because America Sucks'#like my dudes I am not even asking you to HELP ME I know we all need to put on our own oxygen masks first. I am just asking you to have#a little bit of sympathy for the people who are about to go through an INCREDIBLE amount of struggle that they will have limited#individual power to fight against.#it's not hopeless! it's not! but this isn't like sw episode 4 where a single person can destroy the death star and the entire empire will#be directly and significantly kneecapped. there is only so much in this real world situation that one individual person can do.#a lot of people are going to have a harder time finding other people to connect with to get through this. all I'm asking is that you#do NOT make it harder on them by telling them their misfortune is brought on themselves for things they didn't do. or by telling them that#there is no way they can ever be happy or fulfilled or a good person.#there is NOTHING a person can do to 'deserve' the extreme loss of human rights that this party wants to make into a reality#if you believe that someone CAN ever 'deserve' the loss of those rights...#well I think that you and I are so fundamentally different in an ideological sense that there's no point in us speaking to each other
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Unbelieveable. Its al gore in fl in 2000 all over again
I hope all the stein voters feel at peace with their vote.
#us politics#i hope i can see yall in 2028#it hasnt been called but im not feeling great#im very tempted to detransition#ill probably think about that harder in the next few months but like#this is the end of trans folks in america#its no secret they want us all dead in a ditch#this is the end of the climate change fight#this is the end of the abortion “debate”#america will make it to 2028 but we all will not be there#the us has made their choice#the minorities are not welcome#godspeed and good luck everyone
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genuinely feel there's such a clear & distinct line between pre and post 9/11 star trek
#particularly like looking at everything ds9 was doing and then looking at ent. like I diagnose you with post 9/11 america#however to a certain extent this goes for a lot of star trek that's been made since then like it's got a whole different attitude & I#sincerely believe it has to do w fundamental cultural changes in america after 9/11 and it makes it a lot harder to make good trek now#I mean I think maybe we're coming out of it a little & I haven't seen the most recent stuff#but so much of it for like a decade or so after has Such specific vibes that it can't shake in a v unpleasant way#you watch it & you're like Ah. that v specific americanism patriotism militarism conservatism xenophobic brain rot. i see#thoughts#this is not to say older trek wasn't flawed & bigoted bc it was just in a very different way than later
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the fact that anyone voted for aomine and himuro at all is cracking me up
#like don't get me wrong he would definitely feel GUILTY about abandoning himuro#but he canonically picked kuroko over himuro in s2 when he thought he had no choice but to pick one of them#<- granted the circumstances were very different and i don't think it would be an EASY decision but still. kuroko should be sweeping harder#and the notion that kagami would be willing to live with AOMINE in a world without kuroko is laughable to me#live and let live; i like ao/kaga but um. he is not picking aomine over kuroko lol#this is the guy who thought he wouldn't be able to make it in AMERICA without kuroko. they're codependent im afraid 😭#aomine would ASK kagami to save kuroko. he's in love w him too💀
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The other day I told a friend of mine that I never forget to take my ADHD meds because I fucking love my ADHD meds. I'm in my late 30s, I didn't finally get a diagnosis and meds until less than two years ago, and they have changed my entire life.
And he raised his eyebrow at me. We'd been discussing addictive medications a few minutes before, like the Tramadol I finally got from the pain specialist to take once a week or so to give me a break from my chronic pain, so I reassured him that methylpenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) is not addictive (at least not in people with ADHD).
His response? To raise his eyebrow even harder and say "Well it sure SOUNDS like it's addictive!"
And I had to explain to this man - who works in a healthcare related job by the way - that just because medication makes you feel good and helps you, just because you look forward to taking it, that doesn't make it addictive or dangerous. And he wasn't convinced.
The simple fact that I was excited to take a daily pill that has literally changed my life, after decades of fighting to get that medication, made him think I shouldn't be taking it so often. That it must inherently be dangerous.
I'm not even in America, but I'm pretty sure this attitude began there and then spread over here to Europe. This Puritan idea of "if something feels good, you must beware of it. Pleasure is dangerous, it is sinful, it is addiction, it is evil."
I know too many people who subconsciously believe that pleasure = addictive = dangerous = bad. Joy is a slippery slope to hell.
So here is your reminder for today that you don't need to be afraid of feeling good. If something improves your life, use it. Even if it is addictive - learn what that addiction means, whether the addiction is inherently dangerous or not, and whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and risks.
My ADHD meds are, in fact, not addictive. But I will take them every day because they make my life orders of magnitude easier. I will enjoy them every time I take them.
My tramadol is addictive. I will still take it. I will keep it on a schedule to avoid becoming addicted, primarily because addiction in this case would mean reduced effectiveness. But I am not afraid of my painkillers. They are life changing.
Take your meds, everyone. Don't let anyone scare you away from doing something that improves your life.
#adhd#medication#ritalin#concerta#methylphenidate#addiction#puritan values#neurodivergence#actually adhd#take your meds
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But what matters is the score, in Euro games there aren't many goals, most games are either 1x0 or 2x1 I think it's a characteristic of South American football to have more goals
True and thats bc the defenders are worse but i still think that if you havent scored a goal in open play and played as boringly as france have then you wouldve been found out as, for want of a better word, frauds. As in that they are not at the level to win or come close to winning a competition
#i think copa america is more skill based#which makes it#more entertaining#to me at least#euros is probably harder to win hes right but at the same time#he cant make that argument after not scoring a goal in open play and in the semi finals#it trivialises his argument
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I guess what I think is that suicide is a symptom of a problem and not the problem to fix, you know what I mean? To stop suicides you have to stop people’s mental health from getting to the point where they consider it, you have to treat the disease, trying to treat the symptom itself is almost completely useless.
For instance, Japan has spent a great deal of money on anti-suicide infrastructure, doing genuinely cartoonishly things like putting rollers on bridge railings so you can’t climb over them and slide right off, putting blue lights in the subway so it’s harder to see to throw yourself in front of a train. It’s not working. Japan’s suicide rate rose again in 2022. They are not addressing the root causes and stressors in their citizen’s lives and social barriers to mental health care and psychiatric medication.
It’s the same with universities in America, many have spent an exorbitant amount of money on turning their dorms into psych ward like environments. Anti-hanging chairs that you can’t stand on, bunks you can’t hang yourself from, slanted doorknobs etc. And yet suicide is still the second leading cause of death for college students. They make no attempts to make college easier, to make pausing and resuming your studies better, to make the pressure of an academic environment feel less life or death. They make no accommodations for the individual. They just make it a little harder to hang yourself in a few rooms on campus and call it a day, say they’re being proactive in terms of mental health.
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i need to fucking kill myself
#^ girl who cries when she's angry#god im so pissed off#talking to my parents about politics never goes well and i still haven't learned that yet unfortunately#going from "yeah i think people should be able to take breaks at their jobs even though I don't take breaks at My job because it would just#make work harder on myself“ to ”do you really think hamas is going to attack america“ to ”i don't think people should suffer“#sobbing literally the entire time
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#you know what I don’t get all these people saying they don’t wanna vote cause it supports an admin that supports genocide like what do they#think not voting is gonna do it’s also going to support genocide like unfortunately those of us who live in America live under a two party#system not all not voting this cycle is gonna do or even voting third party at the presidential level is gonna do is gonna place the#balance in favor of the republicans that’s how this works the only way it doesn’t is if you were somehow able to get a different voting#system in place by next year and that’s not happening obviously no genocide is better than any genocide but the argument that somehow there#will be less genocide if you don’t vote is baffling to me like you realize the republicans are literally running on a platform of genocide#like they want to genocide people here as well as people over there and all I’m seeing is people complaining that Biden supports genocide#like you think the other option doesn’t why would you actively advocate for making it harder to stop the genocide over there by allowing#the party who wants to take your right away to even protest the genocide an easier time getting into office#it makes no sense to me like did you not have any form of gov class in your states and if you went to college did you not take any gov#or political science classes or is your only learning on the political system made up entirely of tweets and tumblr posts by angry people#cause if it’s the second option please I beg of you to actually educate your self on how things work and then maybe go and try to actually#make a change realize that you have to grit and bear the untasteful shit in the short term I order to make changes in the long term learn#like you want a revolution learn about the consequences don’t assume it’s gonna be a cake walk get out in your community and make a change#actively go and put the effort in cause if your not doing that and you don’t vote this upcoming cycle then I have news for you you do not#the moral high ground in this argument you just don’t instead your just an appothetic idiot who doesn’t actually care#not voting is what republicans want you to do it makes it easy for them not voting is not a protest in this country it’s conceding the#fight it’s giving up all of you who say you want to punch those of us who want to actually be able to make a change slowly instead of#violently rising up you are either ignorant or malicious you and the people you claim to care about would likely not survive that act there#y’all are angry I get that I’m angry too but impotently calling for people to abandon the process makes no sense like do you want the more#genocide genuinely do you cause that’s what is going to happen not less why must the answer be all or none unfortunately none is not#currently a reality that we can get with a single election but it is something this election can move towards I am begging y’all to#actually study history and loom at what has happened pretty much every time a country has had people protest by not voting every time the#people who were the worse option got voted in the world is not black and white sometimes you have to make a decision that you don’t like so#that you can position yourself to make the actions for the greater good it’s sucks I wish it wasn’t like that but it is and y’all need to#wake the fuck up put on your adult pants and do the fucking work to change instead of fucking giving up and doing nothing
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Miss Communication
Summary: Natasha is avoiding the feelings talk so you use the only thing that seems to be working: jealousy.
A/N: This request and entire plot is from @happychopshoppenguin so all credit really goes to them. I just put into a few more words.
Natasha Romanoff x F!R
Stealthy, precise, lethal.
Well, what a load of crap. All Natasha Romanoff is, is a coward. There.
You’re so pissed off, all you want to do is open up her file and write “committment issues” under weaknesses.
But that’s not your job.
No, your job is intelligence and data analysis. Go over information, read endless reports and make a summary that the Avengers can understand, because they don’t have the time to sit around and do it themselves.
And now, you’re here, talking about a new terrorist organization with Steve. Natasha should be here, as second in command, but for reasons unknown to you and Captain America, she has failed to show up.
Again, coward.
Fine, if she doesn’t answer your texts you’ll find her anywhere she’s hiding in this big ass building.
“Hey, Y/N” Sam greets as you walk down the hall.
“Damn. Is it allowed to have guns in the kitchen area?” you smile mischiveously, used to flirting around with the team. He looks around, clearly confused and you reach out to touch his bicep. “I mean, what are they feeding you, Wilson? You’re as buff as Steve”
“Hell, yeah” he smiles, flexing and putting on a little show. You’re laughing and making small talk when someone magically appears, glaring.
Natasha is fuming and you don’t know if the anger is directed at you or Sam. Looking directly at her, you laugh and place a strand of hair behind your ear, as if Sam just said the funniest thing ever.
She can’t answer a fucking text but feels jealous? Well, good. At least you know she cares.
“You’re annoying her, Wilson” Bucky joins you, leaning against the kitchen island and giving you a crooked smile. “Hey, doll”
“Hi, handsome” you place your hands on each side of his face. “Can I tell you something?”
“Yeah” he says, practically drooling.
“I think you’d look really good if you cut your hair”
“I’ll think about it” he promises.
“Move aside, I’m taking Y/N out for lunch” Sam says, pushing Bucky.
“Oh, sweetheart. You can’t handle all of this” you tease. “But I won’t say no to lunch”
“That’s good enough for me” he agrees, offering his arm. You take it, winking at Bucky and walking away.
Natasha is already planning six different ways to make Wilson disappear, and Bucky goes to his room.
“Gotta get a haircut” he mumbles.
Oh, like hell.
Neither one of them can touch what’s hers.
—
Natasha: How was lunch?
Y/N: Oh, NOW you text me?
Y/N: We need to talk. Call me.
—
Natasha throws the phone across the room, feeling like screaming into her pillow. It still smells like you, which makes her heart ache.
If only she hadn’t been so stupid to ruin whatever it is you two had.
You were on top of her, riding her strap, as you had done so many times since you started your situationship. Hands on Natasha’s abdomen, feeling how her muscles worked to pump in and out of you.
“I love your tits” Natasha said, breathless. You nodded, bouncing harder, moaning desperately. “I love your pussy, it’s perfect for my cock”
“Baby, I’m so close” you whined, so desperate you barely registered her next words.
“I love you”
Eyes wide open, your movements stopped for a second. Before you could answer, Natasha flipped you and you were face down, ass in the air as she entered, pounding harder.
And you really wanted to ask what the fuck and if she really meant what she said, but you were so close that all you could do was moan her name and come hard around the strap.
You barely registered when Natasha pulled out. You felt empty and confused and so stretched.
“Nat? Babe, wait”
“I have to… I forgot a mission report, I’m sorry” she muttered, putting her clothes on and leaving in a hurry. She ran out of her own fucking room before owning what she said.
And now, she couldn’t even look at you. She couldn’t stand the idea that you would reject her.
The little hope that lingered in the back of her mind was the most painful feeling of all.
All she wanted was to be loved by you.
—
Call me means fucking call me.
It means don’t pretend nothing happened.
God, she’s so infuriating. And hot. And good at sex.
But mostly infuriating.
Now you’re back in the Compound, determined to get her to talk to you. Which is why you decided to wear your low cut dress and push up bra.
She said she loves your breasts, right? Well, here they fucking are.
You carry a bunch of binders that need filing, and they help cover your boobs as you enter the living room. Natasha is sitting, and you think she is almost ready to approach you when Sam beats her to it.
“Here, let me help you” Sam offers. The minute your cleavage comes to view, his eyes widen.
“Hey, doll” Bucky greets and you turn around. His mouth flails open, but all you can do is admire his new look.
“Buck, oh my God! You actually listened to me?” you run your hands through his hair, making it impossible for him to look away from your chest. “You look absolutely stunning. Good boy”
“Yeah, uh… I…”
The interaction annoys Natasha, but she knows you won’t even entertain the idea of doing anything with those two.
Her mood quickly changes when Carol appraches you. She's a whole different story.
“Carol, it’s been ages since you’ve been here! All I read are your mission briefings” you say, hugging her tight.
“Well, how bout I tell you everything I’ve been up to over dinner?” she offers with a smile.
“Y/N” Natasha finally snaps. “I missed this week’s report. Mind filling me in?”
“Sure thing” you pull away, reluctantly. “Be right back, Danvers”
Natasha leads you to the conference room and pushes you against the door as soon as you enter.
“Why must you be such a brat?” she whispers against your ear, biting down your earlobe.
“It's the only way to get your attention, Natasha” you protest, trying to sound upset.
You’re torn between lust and anger, but she’s such a good kisser that her lips make you forget everything that’s happened in the last few days.
“I should punish you” she threatens, going down your body and pulling the dress up. Who is she kidding? Her mouth is watering at the thought of tasting you. “Bet you’d love that”
Love.
The word pulls you out of your trance. Natasha is about to take your panties off when you stop her, pulling her away by her hair.
“We’re going to talk”
“You don’t make the calls here”
“Natasha, stop it. I’m serious”
You really don’t want her to stop, but you can’t keep wondering if she meant it.
You want her to mean it.
“Are you seriously gonna make a big deal about it?”
“Ugh, you drive me insane, Natasha. Why can’t you just admit what you said and whether or not you meant it? Do you even care about what I want?”
She stays silent and you groan, pulling up your dress and fixing your clothes.
“I really wanted to be more than just fuck buddies” you admit before going out. “But if the thought of loving me is so embarassing for you, then forget about it. I won’t force the feeling out of you”
Natasha stays behind, wondering how she got it all wrong.
You wanted her.
By the time she comes to her senses, you’re long gone. But Carol does meet her in the hallway, smiling.
“Hey, do you mind telling Cap I’m skipping our meeting? Y/N and I are having dinner”
“Sure” Natasha nods, feeling her stomach drop.
Now it’s too late and she lost you.
—
The second anniversary of the Sokovian Accords comes and goes in a flash. Natasha really wanted to skip it, go find you and apologize.
And yet, here she is, in the Quinjet, flying back to the Compound after two days of exhausting diplomacy.
“Why couldn’t we stay a few days in Paris?” Sam laments for the third time.
“New recruits are in the middle of their training” Barton says from the pilot seat. “At least they got a break these last couple of days”
“No, they didn’t” Wanda says. “Y/N is training them. Maria asked her to do it before we left”
“Y/N?” everyone says, looking at each other.
“But she’s a data analyst, not a field agent” Sam says.
“And the sweetest person ever” Bucky adds. He holds Natasha’s glare and smiles. Oh, he knows what’s up.
“Well, let’s make sure we put them back into shape when we get there” Steve slaps Bucky’s arm.
Boy, are they all wrong. When the team goes back to the Compound, you’re in the middle of a training session. A guy runs out of the gym, his shoulder crashing against Sam’s as he bolts for the exit.
“She’s fucking crazy, man” he says to himself, looking terrified.
“What the hell?”
Steve pushes the door to the gym. And there you are, in the middle of sparring. With one swift motion you kick the guy to the floor, and he puts his hands up, as if begging for mercy.
“Oh, we have company” you taunt, walking confidently around the students. “Anyone want to fight the Avengers? I promise you they’re not as hard to beat”
“Who is she and what has she done to Y/N?” Barton whispers.
Natasha has to hold back a moan. You look cold and deathly, having kicked all of their asses without breaking a sweat. That also explains why you’re so… bendy.
“Fine. Since none of you could even land a hit on me, you’re running ten laps. Don’t come back here unless you’ve thrown up or cried once”
All the recruits scramble to their feet, relieved now that they can get away from you. You turn around, giving the Avengers a challenging look.
“What? Wanna give it a try? I’ll go easy on you” you say. “Maybe not on Natasha, though. She hasn’t been a good girl”
“Ew” Wanda says, leaving the room. Between that and Natasha’s bendy thought, that was so loud she might as well have screamed it in the middle of the gym, she’s had enough.
“Alright, let’s see what you’ve got” Barton is the only one that steps up. You nod, evaluating his approach. He throws the first punch but it never lands. You move out of his way at record speed, keeping the contact at minimum while you kick the back of his legs, making him fall on his knees. Another three blows and Clint is face down on the mat.
“Pass” Sam says when you turn around to see who’s next.
“I’ll take my chances” Natasha says, stepping up. You smile in a way that makes a chill run down her spine.
Natasha thinks you can never go wrong with a classic move, so she throws her legs around your neck. But you block the movement and make her land on her back, hands pinned abover her head.
It happens at least three different times, each position becoming more sexual.
“I think we should leave” Bucky says.
“In a minute”
“Come on, Wilson” he forces him out the door, closing it for good measure and hoping you keep your clothes on before the recruits come back.
If they even come back.
“I promise you, you’re not gonna win this time, Natasha” you say, out of breath for the first time. Her eyes travel to your lips and you lean forward, stopping inches away from her mouth. “And I sure as hell ain’t letting you go without talking about that thing you said the other day”
“Please…”
“Now you’re polite. Now you say please. I’ve been chasing you for a fucking week to know if you like me for more than my tits and ass” you finally give in, kissing her for a few seconds. She whines against your mouth, trying to create friction. But your hold is too strong and she can’t move an inch without your permission.
“I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry. I was scared you’d reject me and then everything would be ruined forever between us. I love you, so damn much it scares me” Natasha finally breaks, surprising herself with the way she’s pouring her heart out to you.
But that’s how much she loves you and how much she needs you.
Her words leave you breathless and you smile, going back to being your usual self.
“Natasha, I love you so damn much, it drives me crazy. Please don’t ever doubt that, sweetheart”
She nods, her nose rubbing against yours and you finally do what you’ve been craving all week. You kiss her, gently at first, and then more passionately, your hands dropping from hers to let her hug you.
You moan against her mouth, Natasha’s tongue slipping inside.
“Fuck, baby, I need you” you moan, going back to being submissive for the redhead.
“What does my pretty girl want? My mouth or my fingers?”
“Just you, anything, please”
Thinking back to the last time she almost had you, her mouth waters and she decides to flip you on your back and travel down your body, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses and pulling down your shorts and underwear.
“All of this for me?” she asks, running her fingers up and down your slit, collecting your juices and sucking on her digit. “I missed your taste, princess”
“Nat, please” you cant your hips up, hoping she takes the hint. You’re too far gone to form a coherent sentence.
Natasha darts her tongue out. She moans at the taste, and snakes her arms around your thighs to keep you in place. Her tongue goes up and down, then deep inside you and you shudder.
You would almost feel embarrassed for lasting so little, but it’s not your fucking fault she was hiding for a week.
When you remember that, your hands go to her hair and you pull her closer. Natasha enjoys the roughness, her movements speeding up and pushing you over the edge.
You come, crying out her name and trembling. As you struggle to catch your breath, Natasha moves up, letting you taste yourself in her mouth.
“Hey, baby”
“Hey” you say, smiling.
“Can I take you out to dinner tonight? I’d like to make it up to you”
“Yes to dinner. And give me a couple more of those orgasms and we’ll call it even”
“That sounds like a deal” she smiles against your lips, eager to make up for the lost time.
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If you think I'm pretty
Pairing: Homelander x afab!reader CW: fingering, praise, slightly OOC homie, threats of captivity (he says hes gonna keep reader in the penthouse that's it I promise it's not genuine), cursing, sub!reader, porn without plot (I think this is applicable), they're in a relationship before this, reader says 'John' cause moaning homelander is funny as fuck Summary: Being a perfectionist, you're unsatisfied with a recent test score. Homelander has a cure for that. Disclaimer: reader is always thought to be chubby/fat but there are no physical descriptors here, just an FYI WC: 1,955 Genuinely idk I'd like to apologize for this. I fell out of my Criminal Minds hyperfixation like months ago and haven't written since so I'm really rusty. This is 100% a self-insert but reader is gn and not described other than the fact that they're AFAB. Also this was only proof read once so please point out typos if you see them <3
Your mother used to scold you for being too hard on yourself. Her face is virtually the only thing you can picture as your screen burns your eyes a bit. It’s too early for the high brightness of the device, having woken up before the sun could reintroduce your eyes to light. You’d set yourself up to wake slightly after midnight, intending to check the score of a huge test you’d taken months ago and simply go back to sleep in a matter of minutes. A rather stupid plan, in hindsight. You were questioning now if you knew yourself at all. Your phone had nearly been in your hand when you felt the cold burn of anxiety in your lungs. This test was a huge fucking deal. You were a hardcore perfectionist on top of that, trying with countless futile attempts to surrender your idea of the model score. You just needed to pass, not get your professor to memorialize you in marble for your pure genius. You’d gotten up instead of turning on your phone, brushing your teeth and making your bed before pacing the room slightly while you thought. Essentially, you were just allowing the mantra of ‘cope’ to bound back and forth between your ears for a couple minutes. You weren’t sure if you wanted to cope with the disappointment of a lesser score, or you were telling yourself to come down a couple pegs and be happy with getting by. The repetition of the word soothed that icy-hot feeling that had festered from your lungs to your fingertips, and you checked.
You were fine. Not the score you wanted, but you were fine.
Mentally you writhed against the slump of your shoulders, but the weight of this self-inflicted shortcoming hit harder than you were capable of defending yourself from. The long sigh you let out was all frost as the tension left your airways. How underwhelming. You laid down on the bed you’d made not ten minutes ago, hearing the window slide open a few seconds into your pity party. You normally left it unlocked for him, knowing if anyone else attempted to enter your home, he wasn’t far. He told you himself that he seemed to have tuned into you specifically; swearing he’d be able to hear you on the other side of the city if you needed him.
“It’s way too early for you to already be having a bad day. The sun’s not even up.” He was closer now, fully sealed into your space and approaching you with comfortable footsteps. You never fully got over the irony of seeing America’s greatest hero flying through your window in sweatpants. “What’s wrong?” You always noticed the subtle way he changed how he spoke around you. In every interview or interaction you’d ever witnessed of his, he’d spoken like a character. For a man who hated having his words scripted, he spoke the same as every cookie-cutter movie he’d starred in. He didn’t talk that way with you, something you hoped was subconscious. A demonstration of the safety he felt around you.
You shrugged in response to the question. You acknowledged the trivial nature of your feelings, knowing you probably reeked of sadness to him but attempting to downplay it anyways. “Bad test score.”
He sat down next to you on the edge of the bed, allowing you the space to remain sprawled out. “Doubtful.” He laughed slightly as he said it, shaking his head and smiling. He looked at you, his eyebrows furrowing minorly. “What’d you get?”
“A four.”
“What were you hoping to get?”
Your voice was barely audible as you spoke, knowing he would pick it up but also trying to spare yourself the rush of immaturity hearing yourself speak would bring. “A five.”
He sighed - a sigh full of endearment that his eyes reflected as he looked at you. You told him once that his eyes were the first thing you’d noticed. It was sunny the day you’d met, and they looked practically ethereal. You’d seen such chaos reflected in them even from day one. The masses called him ‘soulless’ often, but you couldn’t understand such an accusation from anyone who had ever seen him. His eyes were practically overflowing with soul, every time you looked at him it was all you saw. They were capable of incredibly dangerous things but they were so entrancing. He was so fucking enticing.
You broke the eye contact, but he nudged your leg and moved his head to try and follow your eyes. “Hey-” He called for your attention, so you looked back at him. “You know that’s a good score, right?”
You smiled small at him. “No- I know. I’m just…I don’t know- strict with myself.” You found it hard to put into words. You knew you’d done well, but the ability to feel pride felt withheld from you. Like your eyes bore into it but your mind refused to distribute the feeling it brought to something tangible.
“I think you’re just too much of a fucking perfectionist.” His hand was splayed across your upper thigh from where he sat. No matter which part of you he touched, he had a grip that made your head spin. He was so sure of himself, the strength demonstrated from such an unassuming form never lost the novelty that it’d held when you met him. “Can’t let yourself admit when you did good.”
You tried to be dismissive, but it was hard to fake anything with a man like him. “As if you aren’t, John.” His jaw got the slightest bit tighter at the use of his name. Such a miniscule action that easily dodges the eyes of people who aren’t looking. You couldn’t really imagine not looking at him.
“I’m serious.” His face was still relaxed, but the expression in his eyes had shifted. His pupils dilated and his full attention was on you. “You did good.”
The only con of being with somebody with abilities such as his was the lack of secrecy. You used to laugh with your friends about how grateful you were for the discrete nature of arousal when living without certain body parts. That went out the window when you started seeing him. He knew the second anything shifted within you. He had every perversion you’d ever dreamt about practically categorized by the time your two month anniversary had rolled around. One of his favorite pastimes was casually working a turn-on into conversation and just watching you squirm.
You fought the urge to pull away from his hand, feeling your stomach drop slightly at a declaration like that. “Thank you.” You looked away from him again. Something you knew he didn’t really like but choosing to try and save face over anything else.
“Yeah…I don’t know.” You could see his focus on the topic increasing by the second. His disposition was happy, but he held serious and almost threatening undertones. He tightened his grip on your thigh and you looked at back to him, hesitantly following the silent command to keep your eyes up. “I think you should say it.”
“John-” His assertiveness was starting to get to you, it always did. You sat up on your forearms to be a little more level with him but he moved his hand from your thigh to your stomach and pushed you back down. The thought of having to lay there and explicitly state that you did well on your test felt like a kid having to write in repetition on a chalkboard in detention.
He was looking down at you, the eye contact making you slightly dizzy. His face was kind, it almost always was when he was around you, but the conversation was derailing. “I just think it’s important that you understand this.” He was so good at making you want what he thought was best.
You inhaled, swallowing your pride and licking your lips. “What do you want me to say?”
That familiar, condescending smile was starting to creep onto his lips. “Just tell the truth.” His eyebrows raised slightly in a silent prompt. “Say you did good.”
His hand was descending from your stomach, making it’s way to the hemline of your underwear. You hadn’t bothered to change out of what you were sleeping in, only now realizing the vulnerability of it. You held your tongue for a moment, breathing out a quiet “I did good.”
He tore the only fabric between his hand and you off your body as easily as ripping a sheet of paper and leaned in a little more. “Say it again.”
“John-” You said it as barely an exhale as he skimmed his hand over you. You hadn’t even registered just how sensitive or how wet you’d gotten in the few minutes you were talking to him.
“I don’t know why you act so fucking noble. You should be running Ashleys around in circles or giving interns your coffee order. Not any of this testing bullshit that you’re too good for anyway.” His tone elevated to that mocking, cocky tone that swept into the most shame filled crevices of your mind and tugged the most deprived parts into the driver seat. He thumbed at your clit while he spoke, increasing and decreasing the pressure whenever he felt like it and effectively snatching any remaining ability to form coherent thought from your grabbing hands. “You’ve been chosen by a God, honey. You can do anything, I can give you anything.” He got breathier as he spoke, seemingly soaking up the desperation you were excreting and matching it in a tenfold.
You felt two of his fingers enter you effortlessly and you couldn’t stop yourself from gripping his arm. You always felt the power imbalance most in times like these. A feeling like pulling an angel away from heaven just for yourself, combing through it’s wings with your fingers or trying to lap up a fraction of that status in a wildly inappropriate disregard for the natural roles of nature. He was so much more than you, but he just wanted you to feel good. You swore under your breath as he started circles on your clit. He never got hand cramps, never got tired. He would go until you couldn’t anymore.
“That’s it.” He had barely said it, more just exhaled the assurance under his breath. You were close, you’re sure he could feel it. “Gonna move you to my penthouse. Keep you braindead and needy.”
It shouldn’t have hit you the way it did. Considering who he was, he could easily fulfill that promise with nobody at Vought even thinking twice. It was the way he said it, the way he acts. Always needing control and always right. The most powerful man alive spent his time fantasizing about control over you, and your stomach twisted in disgust at how badly it got you off.
He slowed his movements as your high declined. He was breathing heavy, but your heart was beating like a drum. He had the smallest smile on his face like the sound gave him a sense of satisfaction. You rose to your forearms, this time with no protest from him, and watched him stand up. He held the back of your head with the hand that wasn’t nearly dripping and kissed the top of your head. It was chaste and quick, but the domesticity of it made your throat ache. He uttered something about getting a towel to clean up, stating he’d be right back before exiting the room.
You rushed the words out before he could leave. “But you didn’t-”
“Next time.” He just waved you off. “I just thought you deserved a little reward.”
#x chubby reader#x fat reader#x plus size reader#homelander x reader#homelander x you#homelander x chubby reader#homelander x fat reader#homelander x plus size reader#homelander fluff#homelander smut#the boys fanfic#the boys fanfiction#the boys smut#praise#the boys x reader#cupid:HL
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"the other ravens didn't know jean's age!!!"
think of any 16 year old boy you know. does he look like an adult to you? would you call him a whore if you'd found out he'd gotten into five different men's beds in less than a week?
no?
then think of a scrawny, underfed 16 year old boy. his face is bony, but not quite sharp. his nose is crooked, and a part of you thinks that maybe he just hasn't grown into his own face yet, at least until the bruising makes you want to look away before you can think about it any harder. none of his clothes fit him quite right, and you can always hear his joints popping in and out of place. he has the thickest accent you've ever heard, and you still don't quite know what he's saying most of the time, even if he swears it's english and looks close to tears if you insist it's anything but too loudly (he's only been in america for two years and it's hard to grasp much when all you have to develop your language skills from is cruel insults).
he's not as tall as the rest of the court yet — actually, he's far from it. he's not spared enough to build any muscle, even throughout the relentless practices, and he always looks five seconds from passing out by the time the drills even start. he's sweating, panting, and there's a rattling in his chest when he does... has he broken a rib? why is he even here? he's not as big, not nearly as strong, and the other ravens zero in on him until he's a puddle on the floor. he can barely keep his own racquet steady in his hands, and when he props it up to lean on, you realize he isn't much bigger than the damn thing itself. the captain is always dragging him around, sometimes by his wrist, sometimes by his hair. you think it's just messy hazing for a while, and maybe you dare to spare him a pitiful nod and hope for his sake it'll end soon, but months go by and it never does. he's doubled over one day, then running laps the next, and god, why does he always reek of blood? you start to notice his fingers as they change colors, once bony and milky pale, now bruised black and blue and crusted over with scabs. they're misshapen... broken, almost every one. he shouldn't be playing like this, but he tugs his gloves on with his teeth and plays through the pain.
you pass his room on your way to bed, door wide open. he sleeps curled up in a ball, back pressed so hard against the wall, knees into his chest. you can hear his shaky breaths, how his lungs rattle uneasily, even in his sleep. he shakes himself awake from nightmares, gripping the sheets, dry heaving as he forces his own face into the pillow to muffle the sound... but he does not scream. he does not cry. poor kid, you think, because what else could you call him? he's far too beaten down to even think to consider an adult. a puppy kicked one too many times.
the captain calls everyone into a room, arms folded over his chest, face smug as if he'd come up with a solution to the entire world's problems. but there's something strange about the meeting. only backliners. gigantic, sneering, male backliners. he asks for volunteers, a few good samaritans to "fuck some sense into him," and you watch as five greedy hands fight to be the first in the air. riko makes his pick, makes his promise, and for the next week it's all you can hear at night. you wouldn't call it moaning, but... screaming. fighting. teeth and claws and fickle words. "please. please stop. please stop. please—" and then silence. the last night all you hear is defeated silence.
and suddenly it's the child's fault, isn't it? everyone else is saying it, that he slept his way onto the lineup, that he's nothing more than a braindead whore. if everyone's saying it, though, does that make it true?
or is it just easier to stomach?
#aftg#all for the game#jean moreau#aftg trilogy#the sunshine court#tsc#jean yves moreau#riko moriyama#the golden raven
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On being Jewish, and traumatized (It’s been 5 months and I want to talk):
Judaism is a joyous religion. So much of our daily practice is to focus us on the things that are good. I know that there’s a joke that all our holidays can be summed up as “they tried to kill us. We survived – let’s eat!”, and you might think that holidays focused on attempts at killing us might be somber, but they’re really not. Most are celebrated in the sense of, “we’re still here, let’s have a party!” When I think about practicing Judaism, the things I think about make me happy.
But I think a lot of non-Jews don’t necessarily see Judaism the same way. I think in part it’s because we do like to kvetch, but I think a lot of it is because from the outside it’s harder to see the joy, and very easy to see the long history of suffering that has been enacted on the Jewish people. From the inside, it’s very much, “we’re still here, let’s party” and from the outside it’s, “how many times have they tried to kill you? Why are you celebrating? They tried to KILL YOU!”
And I want to start with that because a lot of the rest of this is going to be negative. And I don’t want people to read it and wonder why I still want to be Jewish. I want to be Jewish because it makes me happy. My problem isn’t with being Jewish, it’s with how Jews are treated.
What I really wanted to write about is being Jewish and the trauma that’s involved with that right now.
First, I want to talk about Israeli Jews. I can’t say much here because I’m not Israeli, nor do I have any close friends or family that are Israeli. But if I’m going to be talking about the trauma Jews are experiencing right now, I can’t not mention the fact that Israeli Jews (and Israelis that aren’t Jewish as well, but that’s not my focus here) are dealing with massive amounts of it right now. It’s a tiny country – virtually everyone has a friend or family member that was killed or kidnapped, or knows someone who does. Thousands of rockets have been fired at Israel in the last few months – think about the fact that the Iron Dome exists and why it needs to. Terror attacks are ongoing; I feel like there’s been at least one every week since October. Thousands of people are displaced from their homes, either because of the rocket fire, or because their homes and communities were physically destroyed in the largest pogrom in recent history – the deadliest single day for Jews since the Holocaust ended. If that’s not trauma inducing, I don’t know what is.
And there is, of course, the generational trauma. And I think Jewish generational trauma is interesting because it’s so layered. Because it’s not just the result of one trauma passed down through the generations. Every 50-100 years, antisemitism intensifies, and so very frequently the people experiencing a traumatic event were already suffering from the generational trauma that their grandparents or great grandparents lived through. And those elders were holding the generational trauma from the time before that. And so on.
And because it happens so regularly, there’s always someone in the community that remembers the last time. We are never allowed the luxury of imagining that we are safe. We know what happened before, and we know that it happened again and again and again. And so we know that it only makes sense to assume it will happen in the future. The trauma response is valid. I live in America because my great grandparents lived in Russia and they knew when it was time to get the hell out in the 1900s. And the reason they knew that is because their grandparents remembered the results of the blood libels in the 1850s. How can we heal when the scar tissue keeps us safe?
I look around now and wonder if we’ll need to run. We have a plan. I repeat, my family has a plan for what to do if we need to flee the country due to religious persecution. How can that possibly be normal? And yet, all the Jewish families I know have similar plans. It is normal if you’re Jewish. Every once in a while I see someone who isn’t Jewish talk about making plans to leave because they’re LGBTQ or some other minority and the question always seems to be, “should I make a plan?” It astounds me every time. The Jewish answer is that you need to have a plan and the only question is, “when should I act?” Sometimes our Jewish friends discuss it at play dates. Where will you go? What are the triggers to leave? No one wants to go any earlier then they have to. Everyone knows what the price of holding off too long might be.
I want to keep my children safe. When do I induct them into the club? When do I let my sweet, innocent kids know that some people will hate them for being Jewish? When do I teach them the skills my parents and grandparents taught me? How to pass as white, how to pass as Christian, knowing when to keep your mouth shut about what you believe. When do I tell them about the Holocaust and teach them the game “would this person hide me?” How hard do I have to work to remind them that while you want to believe that a person would hide you, statistically, most people you know would not have? Who is this more traumatic for? Them, to learn that there is hatred in the world and it is directed at them, or me, to have to drive some of the innocence out of my own children’s eyes in order to make sure they are prepared to meet the reality of the world?
And the reality of the world is that it is FULL of antisemitism. There’s a lot of…I guess I’d call it mild antisemitism that’s always present that you just kinda learn to ignore. It’s the sort of stuff that non-Jews might not even recognize as antisemitic until you explain it to them, just little micro-aggressions that you do your best to ignore because you know that the people doing it don’t necessarily mean it, it’s just the culture we live in. It can still hurt though. I like to compare it to a bruise: you can mostly ignore it, but every once in a while something (more blatant antisemitism) will put a bit to much pressure on it and you remember that you were already hurting this whole time.
On top of the background antisemitism, there’s more intense stuff. And usually the most intense, mask off antisemitism comes from the right. This makes sense, in that a lot of right politics are essentially about hating the “other” and what are Jews if not Western civilizations oldest type of “other”? On the one hand, I’ve always been fortunate enough to live in relatively liberal areas so this sort of antisemitism has felt far away and impersonal – they hate everybody, and I’m just part of everybody. On the other hand, until recently I’ve always considered this the most dangerous source of antisemitism. This is the antisemitism that leads to hate crimes, that leads to synagogue shootings. This is the reason why my synagogue is built so that there is a long driveway before you can even see the building, and that driveway is filled with police on the high holidays. This is the reason why my husband and I were scared to hang a mezuzah in our first apartment (and second, and third). For a long time, this was the antisemitism that made me afraid.
But the left has a problem with antisemitism too. And it has always been there. Where the right hates the “other”, the left hates the “privileged/elite/oppressors.” It’s the exact same thing, just dressed up with different words. They all mean “other” and “other” means “Jew.” It hurts more coming from the left though. A lot of Jewish philosophy leans left. A lot of Jews lean left. So when the left decides to hate us, it isn’t a random stranger, it’s a friend, and it feels like a betrayal.
One of the people I follow works for Yad Vashem, and a few weeks ago she mentioned a video they have with testimonies from people who came to Israel after Kristallnacht, with an unofficial title of “The blow came from within.” The idea is that to non-German Jews, the Holocaust was something done by strangers. It was still terrible, but it is easier to bear the hate of a stranger – it’s not personal. But to German Jews, the Holocaust was a betrayal. It wasn’t done by strangers, it was done by coworkers, and neighbors and people they thought were friends. It was done by people who knew them, and still looked at them and said, “less than human.” And because of this sense of betrayal, German survivors, or Germans who managed to get out before they got rounded up, had a very different experience than other Holocaust victims.
And I feel like a lot of left leaning Jews are having a similar experience now. People that we’ve marched with or organized with, or even just mutuals that we’ve thought of as friends are now going on about how Jews are evil. They repeat antisemitic talking points from the Nazis and from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, and when we point out that those ideas have only led to Jewish death in the past they don’t care. And if someone you thought of as a friend thinks of you this way, what do you think a stranger might think? Might do?
The Jews are fucking terrified. I’ve seen a post going around that basically wonders if this was what it was like for our ancestors – when things got bad enough to see what was coming but before it was too late to run? And we can see what’s coming. History tells us that they way people are talking and acting only leads to one place. I’m a millennial – when I was a kid the grandparents at my synagogue made sure the kids knew – this is what it looked like before, this is what you need to watch out for, this is when you need to run. I wonder where to run to. It feels like nowhere is safe.
I feel like I’ve been lucky in all this. I don’t live in Israel. I have family and acquaintances who do, but no one I’m particularly close to. Everyone I know in real life has either been sane or at least silent about all of this (the internet has been significantly worse, but when it comes to hate, the internet is always worse). I live in a relatively liberal area – there’s always been antisemitism around anyway, but it’s mostly just been swastikas on flyers, or people advocating for BDS, not anything that’s made me actually worry for my safety. But in the last 5 months there have been bomb threats at my synagogue, and just last week a kid got beat up for being Jewish at our local high school. He doesn’t want to report it. He’s worried it will make it worse.
I bought a Magen David to wear in November. At the time it seemed like the best way to fight antisemitism was to be visibly Jewish, to show that we’re just normal people like everyone else. Plus, I figured that if me being Jewish was going to be a problem for someone, then I would make it a problem right away and not waste time. I’ve worn it almost constantly since, but the one time I took it off was when I burnt my finger in December and had to go to urgent care. I didn’t think about it too much when I did it, but I thought about it for a long time after – I didn’t feel good about having made that choice.
The conclusion I came to is that the training that my elders had been so careful to instill in me kicked in. I was hurt, and scared, and the voice inside my head that sounds like my grandmother said, “don’t give them a reason to be bad to you. Fight when you’re well, but for now – survive.” It still felt cowardly, but it was also a connection to my ancestors who heeded the same voice well enough to survive. And it enrages me that that voice has been necessary in the past. And it enrages me that things are bad enough now that my instinct is that I need to hide who I am to receive appropriate medical care.
I wish I had some sort of final thought to tie this all together other than, “this sucks and I hate it,” but I really don’t. I could call for people to examine their antisemitic biases, but I’m not foolish enough to think that this will reach the people who need to do so. I could wish for a future where everything I’ve talked about here exists only in history books, and the Jewish experience is no longer tied to feeling this pain, but that’s basically wishing for the moshiach, and I’m not going to hold my breath.
I guess I’ll end it with the thought that through all of this hate and pain and fear, we’re still here. And we’re still joyful as well. As much as so many people have tried over literally THOUSANDS of years to eradicate us, I’m still here, I’m still Jewish, and being Jewish still makes me happy.
Am Yisrael Chai.
#antisemitism#judaism#venting#jumblr#long post#I'm not kidding it's like 2300 words#and it's a rambling mess#but i needed to vent#so help me god#if you show up in the notes and are being antisemitic I WILL find you and I WILL bite you
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WELCOME TO MIAMI ⤿ l. sargeant 22
→ ( in which. . . ) you are alex's little (half) sister. after inviting you as a guest to the miami grand prix, his teammate falls head over heels. part 1 of ?
→ ( fanfic genre. . . ) smau
→ ( face claim. . . ) momona tamada + pictures from pinterest/instagram
→ ( pairing. . . ) logan sargeant x fem!reader
→ ( content warnings/disclaimers. . . ) cursing, fluff, alex trying as a wingman
→ ( author's note. . . ) back again and with another smau! this is my play on he fell first/she fell harder. also, this is to set the plot, part 2 will explore the relationship! i hope you enjoy! see end for more
→ ( masterlist )
─ INSTAGRAM ↴
williamsracing
liked by alex_albon, logansargeant, y/nalbonnn, oscarpiastri and 25,907 others
williamsracing hey siri, play welcome to miami by will smith 🎵😎🍹
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─ MESSAGES ↴ (y/n + alex)
─ INSTAGRAM ↴
y/nalbonnn has added to their story!
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alex_albon see you soon 🙈🙈
y/nalbonnn i cant believe you 🙄
alex_albon you're welcomeeee
lilymhe cant wait to see u !!
y/nalbonnn so excited <3 !!
user5 👀
yourbff i am in your luggage 🫢
─ MESSAGES ↴ (y/n + alex)
─ INSTAGRAM ↴
y/nalbonnn has added to their story!
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alex_albon hehehe 😈
lilymhe surprise!!!! 🎊
y/nalbonnn you guys are so sneaky 🙁
logansargeant cant wait to meet you! y/nalbonnn reacted 💞 to this message
yourbff cant say im surprised
y/nalbonnn me either 🙄
y/nalbonnn
liked by alex_albon, landonorris, lilymhe, yourbff, and 48,923 others
y/nalbonnn need a better tour guide :/
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alex_albon hey 🙁
y/nalbonnn i said what i said.
yourbff stunning!
y/nalbonnn all you babes!
landonorris slowly converting you to mclaren
alex_albon no she already spends enough time over there
user6 shes so pretty
user19 where did you get that shirt?
y/nalbonnn i thrifted it :) !
user65 hope you're having fun!
lilymhe you can run me over and i wouldn't be mad 🤷🏻♀️
y/nalbonnn GIRL RUN ME OVER
yourfriend1 pretty girl! liked by y/nalbonnn
georgerussell63 great seeing you again y/n! liked by y/nalbonnn
lilymhe you busy later ???
y/nalbonnn not anymore
alex_albon what the hell 📸😓
logansargeant i can show you around
y/nalbonnn that be nice
user51 mr america shooting his shot ???
user87 i think he took some lessons from mr lando norizz
landonorris i am way better at flirting than that
─ MESSAGES ↴ (alex + logan) (y/n + logan, alex)
idk what is happening but another fic done! this one was super fun to make, i had a great time :D anyways, if you would like to be on the taglist, comment!!! requests and feedback are welcome! make sure to leave a comment and kudos as well (only if you want :P)
#+*. 🗃️f1fnatic's archives +*.#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#formula 1#formula one#formula one imagine#f1 fandom#f1 one shot#f1 imagine#blurb#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 instagram au#formula racing#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 fics#f1 x female reader#f1 x you#f1#logan sargeant#logan sargent x reader#logan sargeant x reader#logan sargeant x you#logan sargeant imagine#logan sargeant fic#williams racing#williams f1#alexander albon
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𝓕𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒 ୨୧ 𝐍𝐑𝐊
(𝓹airing) ── nrk x fmr ꣑୧ 𝓮stablished relationship ; fluff (𝔀ordcount) five-hundred 𝓹eng's note. america core for my bf 🦅 𝓫ookshelf
𝓼ynopsis. spending the fourth of july with your boyfriend at the beach
you walk beside your boyfriend from the parking lot to the beach.
clad in his one of his hoodies due to the breeze and coolness being near the ocean gives off. your hair blowing in the wind slightly at riki grabs your hand.
the soft sand touching your feet as you maneuver through the crowds of families in the sand. sprawled out on mats, picnic blankets, towels, and beach chairs.
“i don’t think we’ll find a spot here,” riki squeezed your hand, “we can watch from the car.”
“no! i have a spot for us,” you dismissed him, “just follow me!”
you drag riki along amongst the crowd for a bit when you finally step feet off the sand and onto a grassier area. he quickly hands you your sandals and slides on his before continuing on your path.
walking uphill until you get to the top of the hill where there’s a couple of beach chairs and benches. the only two people there being you and riki as everyone else opted to watch the show from the sand.
you tug on your boyfriend’s hand a little harder as you climb to sit on the ledge of the stone wall looking down on the ocean and the beach. not to high up but enough to make you feel like you and riki were the only people on earth.
“look,” you tap riki’s shoulder, “they’re staring!”
as the noises register in his brain, he looks up at the sky over the ocean. sparking shots of red, white, blue, and other colors illuminating the sky.
though his vision quickly shifts to the girl next to him. the colors from the fireworks shining against your face that is grinning softly mixed with subtle light from the moonlight.
riki thinks he’s never seen anyone prettier.
your eyes brightening not just from the sky but the pure joy your body emits from sharing such an intimate moment with your boyfriend.
your lips curled into a soft smile as you gaze into the chilly summer night.
riki thinks how could there have ever been a time where he wasn’t in love with you.
in love with you.
riki finally feels that it’s the right time to utter the three words he has spent weeks stuck on.
was it too early in your relationship? did your other partners wait or say it immediately? did you love him back?
“ki, you’re not looking at the fireworks,” you interrupt his whirlwind of thoughts, your head tilted to the side in confusion.
“i love you,” riki returns your stare with an expression full of love.
you take a minute before responding, “i love you too,” flustered face turning to look back at the sky, hoping it masks the growing heat on your cheeks.
he smiles to himself at your cute actions and scoots closer. to when your legs are lightly pressed against the other’s and wraps an arm around your shoulders. bringing you closer to him and guiding your head to rest on his shoulder.
“i love you,” riki repeats again with a proud grin on his face as a fireworks goes off simultaneously.
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