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brunette-barbie4562 · 4 months ago

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Uncharted (Duff McKagan X OC)

Summary: Unsure of her next steps in life, Carreen Joy "CJ" Thompson finds herself taking a job working under the Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan during the Not in the Lifetime... Tour. She faces the fast-paced and foreign world of rock n' roll, touring, and groupies, as well as blossoming taboo feelings for her boss.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of alcoholism and sexual themes.

May 2017

Estadio San Mames / Bilbao, Spain

The day of the concert, CJ had mimicked her routine that she had during the day of the Ireland show. Duff had decided to hit the gym while she stayed behind in the room, making sure all of his things were packed. She coordinated with staff to load his trunks to head to the stadium and then went to change to head over herself. She had seen little of Duff, other than to bring him his coffee earlier that morning. She figured she’d catch up with him later that day. Unlike the venue in Ireland, the stadium was a five-minute drive from the hotel, and it was a quick and easy ride for CJ.

All of Duff’s things were in his room backstage when she arrived, ready to be sorted through. Instead of beginning to unpack everything, CJ was caught up looking at herself in her new outfit in the mirror. She had so many new choices that it had taken her some time to decide. She had settled on something comfy but cute; a pair of form fitting dark red suede long pants that flared at the bottom of each leg. On top, she wore a matching halter crop top that had a deep plunging neckline. She had even bought a matching pair of suede ballet flats decorated with gold studs. She had accessorized it with a simple gold necklace and gold hoop earrings. After fighting with her thick curls, she had styled her long hair up into a high ponytail. Surprisingly, she had enjoyed the process of dressing up more than she had anticipated. She could definitely get used to it. Looking good felt good.

CJ noticed the clock on the wall behind her in the mirror and saw that it was getting close to the time that Duff would arrive, and she needed to get moving. She turned away from her reflection and began to unpack.

Duff got into one of the SUVs to head over to the stadium. It had been a good morning. CJ had brought him coffee, he ordered breakfast through room service, and then he had hit the gym before showering, spending some time talking to Grace and Mae, and getting dressed to head to the stadium.

To his surprise, the door on the other side of the car opened and in slid Vanessa, a black bag slung over her shoulder. His posture immediately stiffened. He had largely been able to avoid her so far on this leg of the tour. She smiled at him, hoisting her bag into her lap and shutting the car door.

“I forgot a few things and had to come back for them,” she said, referring to the bag full of photography equipment. “Thought I’d catch a ride.” Duff just nodded, unsure how to respond to her. The car left the parking lot, heading towards the stadium.

“Where’s your little assistant?” she asked.

“Waiting for me at the stadium,” he said. Vanessa pushed the bag down to her feet

“You could send her on a little errand when we get there,” she said, scooting a little closer to him. Duff had to confront it sooner rather than later. Although he thought he already had back in March. Despite it being clear from the beginning that their involvement was only sexual and nothing more, Vanessa had wanted more from him and gotten clingy. He had ended any involvement with her just before the last leg of the tour ended. The entirety of their intimacy had been during the tour through Asia, from January 2017 to March 2017.

“It’s not happening Vanessa,” he said, “We talked about this in March.” Her face fell into a scowl.

Duff had lightly dated a few women on and off since his divorce, but it was hard with his schedule to keep a consistent relationship going. He wasn’t entirely proud of the fact that there were times he had found a groupie or two to sleep with to scratch an itch.

Duff had carefully curated his image for years. Even during his younger years prior to sobriety, he had been lucid enough to have some forethought about his actions and how they might be perceived. While Slash, Axl, Steven, Matt, and Izzy had vocally torn up the town, he had tried to keep his less than desirable activities quiet, despite being intoxicated the majority of the time. There were a few times he had screwed up that he preferred not to think about. But most of these shenanigans had also taken place prior to the internet, which had helped immensely. He still occasionally became nervous at the thought of some of the details about what had gone on in the early 90’s at the wild and massive (usually naked) parties at his old Los Angeles house coming out. By the time he had truly and completely stopped caring about anything, including his image or his future, he had not had the energy or desire to act out anymore due to his failing mental and physical health. He was also in his second marriage with a fellow addict, meaning he didn’t have to leave his house to go find drugs and get high.

Duff had always had a deep desire to be a family man and settle down. It was a dream he’d been chasing his whole life. He had achieved it to a point, at least for 16 years. Since his divorce, there was the slight but constant underlying feeling of being unsettled. He attributed this feeling to seeing his own parents’ marriage fall apart literally in front of his eyes as a child and his subconscious desire to “fix” it. He knew it was maladaptive and probably related to the trauma of walking in on his own father cheating on his mother. But that feeling had remained in the back of his mind.

The SUV pulled up to the entrance door of the backstage area of the stadium and he felt relief wash over him. Before he could get out, Vanessa made one last remark.

“You’re crazy to think there’s even a shred of a possibility that that little girl would be interested in you. If that’s what’s stopping you from doing this,” she gestured between the two of them, “then you’re wasting your time.” He glared back at her in anger.

“Don’t talk about CJ,” he said. Before she could respond, he got out and shut the door behind him.

A security guard led him into the backstage building and then brought him to his room. Aggravated by his conversation with Vanessa, he opened the door with some force, only to walk in to find CJ, bent over a black stage bag, moving things around inside. She stood up to face him, smiling.

“Hey,” she said, “What’s up? You look pissed.” The anger left his body, and he released his tight grip on the doorknob when he saw her standing there, looking at him. She wore what he assumed was a new dark red two-piece outfit that she had picked up the other day with Meegan. However, anything else about the outfit went unnoticed. He instantly zeroed in on her chest. The top she was wearing made her already massive tits look insane. He corrected himself immediately and looked back at her face, feeling flustered. He was not that guy. He was not a pervert. But he had always been a “boobs guy.” It almost felt like some big joke, cooked up by Axl or Slash to get a rise out of him. Put Mindy’s smoking hot niece dangling in front of him and see how long he could go without cracking. CJ did not appear to notice and was still looking at him questioningly, that soft smile on her face. She took a step towards him, and he resisted the urge to take a step back and press himself up against the door.

“Are you feeling ok?”she asked with concern. So fucking sweet and innocent.

“Ya,” he said, clearing his throat. “I just need a bit of down time before we do soundcheck.”

“If you need anything, I’ll be on stage setting up.” She picked up the stage bag before moving past him to the door. Once she had left, he let out a breath of air that he realized he had been holding since he walked into the room and saw her.

Duff sat down on the couch, trying to settle himself down. Before he had the chance, a knock on the door made him groan in frustration. The door opened and he turned to see who would come in uninvited. His defenses were lowered when Mark Lanegan walked in, and a smile broke out on his face.

“Hey Mark!” He stood up to give his friend a quick hug. He hadn’t seen him in some time. Another fellow-Washingtonite and musician, Duff had known Mark since the 1990’s. They had collaborated on work together and shared a stage in the past. Mark had also struggled with addiction. Duff had managed to get sober before him and when Mark left rehab in the late 90’s, Duff had enlisted him to watch his house to give him something to do and stay clean. Mark and his band would be opening for Guns N’ Roses that day and for a few future shows, and it had slipped Duff’s mind in the last hour.

“Hey man,” said Mark, “It’s so good to see you!” They stepped back out of their hug. “We just got here, I had to come find you. How’ve you been? How’s the new leg of the tour going?”

“It’s been interesting,” said Duff, sitting back down on the couch heavily. Mark joined him on the other side.

“Interesting?” asked Mark. They were interrupted when the door opened unexpectedly again. CJ re-appeared.

“Hey, sorry I forgot my phone.” She paused, seeing Mark sitting there. “Oh, sorry if I interrupted, I can come back.” She turned to leave.

“No, you’re good,” said Duff. “Mark this is my new assistant, CJ. CJ, this is my good friend Mark. He will be doing the opening act today.” Mark stood up and CJ moved forward to shake his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said with a smile.

“Likewise,” said Mark, sitting back down. “How are you enjoying your time with all of the elderly?” CJ laughed at him.

“It’s been amazing so far,” she said. “I am very grateful to be here.”

“Duff and I were just catching up before I go get ready to play,” said Mark. “We’ve known each other a very long time. But he didn’t tell me he had a lovely new assistant.” CJ smiled and her face slightly reddened.

“Thank you,” said CJ. There was a moment of awkward silence and Duff wanted to tell CJ to stay, knowing Mark would harass him once they were alone again.

“Well, I’m gonna get back to it,” said CJ, breaking the silence. “I’ll see you both in a bit.” She grabbed her phone off the side table and left the room. As he expected, once CJ shut the door Mark instantly turned to him with a smirk.

“You’re an old tom cat,” he said.

“I know how it looks-” began Duff.

“Oh, it’s definitely how it looks,” said Mark, with a laugh.

“It’s not that way, I swear. I asked Axl to find me an assistant and he hired her on. She’s his old friend’s niece. It was not my choice to have a 20-something year old girl as my assistant Mark.” He didn’t respond but instead gave Duff a look, the smirk still plastered all over his face.

“You don’t think I know how this looks?” said Duff, gesturing towards himself in frustration and leaning over. “I’m just waiting to see something online about it. I didn’t know she was a woman until the day she arrived in Ireland, I assumed it was a man. I couldn’t turn her away.”

“Ok, ok I believe you,” said Mark, still amused.

“She does a good job and she’s so eager and happy to be here. I can’t be an asshole and send her back to California.” Duff did not want to admit he also greatly enjoyed CJ’s company beyond the parameters of her employment. Mark had pulled out his phone and appeared to be scrolling.

“What are you doing?” asked Duff, slightly annoyed.

“Hold on a sec,” said Mark, still scrolling. After a moment he looked back up at Duff.

“I don’t see anything online about it, at least on social media,” he said.

“I’ve been avoiding social media,” said Duff, “I’m waiting for one of my girls to send me some gross tweet or tabloid article about it.”

“Well, you are one of the few rockstars who isn’t married to a woman 20 to 30 years younger than him.” Duff detested being called a rockstar, but coming from Mark, he’d let it go.

“I don’t want to be that guy,” said Duff.

“Hey, no judgement from me man, either way,” said Mark. “If its consensual there’s nothing wrong with it. She’s an adult, she’s not underage.”

“It’s not and won’t be like that,” said Duff, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees while holding his face in his hands, looking towards to the wall.

“Relax,” said Mark, “The people who matter know the truth. You also don’t have those scary, rabid-type fans like Axl does to worry about. You know, nobody that’ll try to bust her kneecap or anything.”

“I have a few,” said Duff, raising his eyebrows at the thought of Vanessa and a couple of the women he’d come into contact with over the past several years.

“Relax, man, it’ll be fine,” said Mark reassuringly. Duff didn’t feel reassured, the thoughts in his head still swirling.

CJ sat in her designated side position on the stage. Duff and the others were ready to go on in about 20 minutes and she had decided to spend her free time watching the end of Mark’s opening act. Unlike Slane Castle, the San Mamés Stadium was partially indoors, with the huge ceiling open to the air. The crowd had filled in, anticipating Guns N’ Roses’ arrival on the stage.

CJ felt the presence of someone behind her. She tiled her head to see Duff standing there, hidden from the crowd by a barrier. His face looked down at her, upside down from her position.

“He puts on a great show!” she said. Duff couldn’t hear her over the music and leaned down so he could hear her speak. “Great show!” she said, repeating herself for him.

“He’ll be with us for the next few shows,” said Duff. He stood back up straight and watched the show for a few more minutes before heading backstage.

Mark and his band wrapped up their show and exited the stage and the lights dimmed down. It wouldn’t be long now. She pulled out her phone to scroll mindlessly for a bit.

“Hey, are you looking for a gig buddy?” She looked up to see Meegan take a seat next to her, holding two glasses of wine.

“Always,” said CJ smiling. Meegan handed her one of the glasses of wine. “But aren’t you sitting on the other side?”

“Not tonight,” said Meegan, “I’m gonna come sit with you, Slash will survive one show without me over there.” CJ took a sip of the wine, noting that it was a white wine. “I remembered that you prefer white, I brought a bottle of it along.” said Meegan. “We don’t usually have alcohol around at shows, but I thought one bottle for you and me to share together as a little celebration to kick off the beginning of your first tour would be nice.”

“Is Duff ok with it? Do you think I should ask him?” said CJ nervously, not wanting to seem like she was drinking on the job.

“I already did,” said Meegan, “He’s said it was fine.”

“Thanks!” she said, feeling grateful for Meegan’s companionship.

CJ had had friends before. As a child, she had been a bit of a loner, feeling very alienated from the other children given her trauma. But going on to middle school, high school, and then college, she had learned to develop friends. She had had a solid group of friends in college. But after graduation, people had understandably moved away, become parents, gotten married, or become wrapped up in a new career. CJ had struggled to maintain adult friendships, especially being a natural introvert. It also didn’t help that she had attended California State in Sacramento, which was about 3 hours from Redding, making it difficult to physically see people that had lived close to the campus after she had moved back home. However, there was one friend she kept in frequent contact with. While most of her college friends had fallen off the radar, Jess Timmer had stayed. They spoke on the phone at least three times a month and texted weekly. CJ had gone to visit Jess in Portland, Oregon last year, where she lived.

Jess and CJ had met in their sophomore year of college and become fast friends, bonding over their love of The Office and hiking. They had a few classes together and made a group of mutual friends. During the day, on the weekends, they spent time outside in nature, away from the city. The nights were spent partying in dorm rooms or at local bars. CJ spent Freshman year shy and searching for a solid social connection. Sophomore year, she had finally found the social connection when she met Jess. Things took a turn downward in her junior year, when she met her most recent ex-boyfriend, which had led to a tumultuous relationship that had ended in her senior year. Through all of it, Jess had been a supportive friend. They could go weeks without speaking and still pick up right where they left off. CJ made a mental note to text Jess at some point later to catch up. Things had happened so quickly she hadn’t had time to reach out and let her know about her new employment.

“I love this outfit,” said Meegan, looking her up and down. “I remember you trying this on in the store.”

“Ya, it’s very comfy too,” said CJ, running her hands over the soft suede material of the pants. As ridiculous as it was, a weird part of her had wished Duff had said something to her about it, a small compliment or even acknowledgment.

The lights dimmed even further and the backdrop graphics lit up, similar to how they had back in Slane. The crowd began to cheer deafeningly as they waited for the band to appear. CJ’s heart pounded, feeling her adrenaline pump. She wondered if that feeling would go away with the more shows she worked.

Duff came out, strumming the opening of It’s So Easy. He quickly glanced at her and Meegan sitting side stage and then walked out to his mic on the right side of the stage. Meegan nudged her and handed her a setlist. CJ had glanced at it earlier, only to see when Duff would be changing his wardrobe, and she would be needed. Meegan pointed to a song title that was down the middle of the page. She leaned closely to CJ’s ear to speak over the music.

“Attitude, that’s the song Duff covers. He’s always covered it, even back in the 90’s.” CJ enjoyed Axl’s performance and vocals but was eager to hear more of Duff sing.

The band breezed through the first several songs before CJ got up to help Duff do a quick wardrobe change. Like before, she tried to stay focused when he tore his shirt off and she handed him the new one. It was one of the same shirts he had worn during the show in Slane. CJ looked back at the table and realized most of what she had set out for him to change into was the same clothing from the previous show.

“Do you only wear like the same five shirts?” she said playfully.

“Maybe,” he said with a smile, yanking the fresh shirt down over his head. He turned away and took his bass back from the tech. CJ looked at the setlist again and saw that Attitude would be next. She quickly took her seat again next to Meegan.

When she heard the first few moments of the song it sounded vaguely familiar. Perhaps, something Mindy may have played in the house when she was a kid. CJ pulled out her phone and recorded for about 30 seconds before sending the video to Jess, without typing an explanation. She wanted to see her reaction. Jess was a big music lover and CJ knew the video would excite her, especially since it was taken from stage level, behind the band. CJ slid her phone back in her pocket, watching the rest of Duff’s performance. It was a quick song, but CJ thoroughly enjoyed it, standing up to clap when Duff finished. He turned and met her gaze with a smile, before turning back to the cheering crowd.

The band had lingered for a bit, Duff taking more time to talk to Mark and the others spending time catching their breath before heading back to the hotel. With her need to be a responsible employee over, CJ had allowed Meegan to refill her glass along with her own. It had been awhile since she had had more than one drink of anything and she had always been a bit of a lightweight.

By the time it was time to go, CJ had finished the second glass, and she was a little tipsy.

She got into the SUV and noticed Duff laughing at her as he got in next to her.

“What’s so funny?” she said.

“You,” he said. “How many glasses did you have?”

“Two,” she said.

“Two?!”

“Yes two, why is that so funny?” she said.

“You, getting tipsy on two glasses of wine.”

“I am not tipsy,” she said.

“Yes, you are.”

“How do you know?” she said defensively.

“Because I know,” he said, “Trust me.”

“Well then, why don’t you join me.”

“Because I can’t drink, I was-, well I AM an alcoholic.” The seriousness of his statement suddenly sobered her up and she was horrified.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” she said, “I didn’t know.”

“You’re fine,” he said, “It doesn’t bother me when other people are drinking around me. I’ve been sober from alcohol for 23 years, almost as long as you’ve been alive.” His reassurances didn’t make her feel any less like a piece of shit. She should have known. Meegan’s statement about alcohol not being around at shows suddenly made sense.

“Hey, you’re fine, I promise,” he said, more sternly, seeing her disturbed expression. “You couldn’t have known. You didn’t trigger me or anything.”

“Ya, but-” Suddenly the car took a hard right, their driver letting out a slew of angry words in Spanish. He had turned the car sharply to the right to avoid hitting a careless driver coming into their lane. Having forgotten to buckle herself in, CJ let out a yelp of surprise as she was thrown to the other side of the car, landing face down across Duff’s lap. Now ten times more mortified than before, she quickly sat back up and scooted back to her seat.

“Sorry,” was all she could muster, trying to smooth out her disheveled outfit and hair, all sense of intoxication having left her body to be replaced with embarrassment.

“Seatbelt,” he said, reaching across her and grabbing it, pulling it down across her and clicking it into place. “Remember, your aunt will kill me.”

They were silent for the rest of the short car ride. When they got back to the hotel, they quickly made their way upstairs, trying to avoid any after-show crowds waiting for him. The painful silence continued in the elevator and CJ needed to say something, anything.

“The song you sang tonight,” she said, “sounded familiar.”

“Oh, ya,” he said. Her statement appeared to bring him out of deep thought. “It’s one of my favorites, originally by The Misfits.” CJ recognized the band name as one that Mindy enjoyed.

“I’ve heard it before,” said CJ, “I’m pretty sure Mindy played it more than once when I was a kid.”

“You know, despite our differences, your aunt and I always had similar taste in music,” said Duff. The pair stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hallway towards their rooms. He walked her to her door, and she paused, wanting to say more to him, not wanting the night to end so awkwardly. But she couldn’t think of anything. Instead, she could only turn to him and say,

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After dropping CJ off at her room, Duff had made his way down to the ground floor. He usually had room service bring him food after a show, not wanting to leave his room. But he needed to go on a walk to clear his head and try to get some energy out. He was always exhausted after shows. He’d eat, ice his legs, shower, and go to sleep. But tonight, he was very awake. His mind wouldn’t let him forget the feeling of CJ splaying across his lap in the car. Her exhale of surprise blowing on a small area of his bare skin, exposed between his shirt and pants, only a few inches from his cock. The way she looked when she sat back up, taking a moment to re-adjust those tits in her shirt. Her face had been flushed from the wine and her hair had been a wild mess, how he imagined it would look after a round of rough sex.

Duff approached an employee standing behind the bar. The employee must have recognized him, his eyes widening when he looked up and saw Duff standing there. The restaurants were typically closed by the time they got back to the hotel, but they always saved food for the band in the back.

“Hey, I’m here to pick up food,” he said, “I’m with Guns N’ Roses.”

The employee nodded and quickly disappeared into the kitchen. As Duff leaned against the bar, he heard someone approach him on his right side. He looked up to see a blonde woman, probably slightly younger than him. She was standing there, looking at him and he vaguely recognized her. She was one that followed the band around and was always on the rail. A groupie.

“Duff,” she said, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes. “Great show tonight.” She was calm and collected, very different from other fans who approached him with excited energy.

“Thanks,” he said, “Glad you enjoyed it.”

He knew what she wanted. It felt wrong, but a part of him wanted it too. The other part of him knew it was a poor idea. Every time he had hooked up with a groupie on this tour he had regretted it. But tonight, his mind and body were so wound up from the incident with CJ in the car, it was clouding his judgement. Just go back to your room and jerk off. Walk away.

The employee came back and placed his boxed-up food on the counter. He grabbed it and turned to the woman. He got a better look at her, as she continued to look up at him from underneath her lashes. She was his type, and he needed a distraction. As much as a part of him was telling him to stop, fucking someone else might take his mind off CJ.

“Let’s go,” he said.

March 2018

Mindy’s House / Redding, California

CJ pulled a knit sweater over her head and immediately turned to look at her side profile. It had been a week since her doctor’s appointment and every day she had checked for changes, feeling paranoid. Nothing yet. She was hoping to find a place to rent before the weather got warm and any bump she would develop would no longer be hide-able. There was a sharp knock at her bedroom door.

“Hey, you ready to go?” It was Mindy, waiting for her to head to work. They took the same vehicle, with no need to take two.

“Ya, coming!” She quickly grabbed her backpack. Going back to work, eating more, and re-joining society had had an immediate positive effect on her wellbeing. The color had returned to her skin, most of her bruising had faded, and she could think more clearly. It did suck to have to do work mostly one-handed. The cast would be off in a few weeks, and she’d be doing physical therapy and be good as new.

CJ opened the door and made her way into the kitchen. Mindy was waiting by the door, distracted and typing on her phone. CJ grabbed a breakfast bar off the counter and followed Mindy out the front door. The cold winter air woke her up a bit as she slid into the passenger seat of Mindy’s car. Michelle was already gone, having left for the veterinary clinic hours ago.

They made their usual morning Starbucks coffee run, something that CJ had been declining the past few days to avoid the caffeine.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything?” asked Mindy, pulling into the drive through lane.

“No, I’m good, I’ll stick with the water.” Mindy raised an eyebrow at her, perplexed with CJ’s rejection of coffee.

“Are you on a new health kick or something?” asked Mindy.

“I am actually,” said CJ, not meeting Mindy’s questioning gaze. “I’m trying to take care of myself and cut out caffeine.” Mindy let it go and didn’t press for a longer explanation, just happy her niece was out and about again.

CJ’s office area was in a small room attached to Mindy’s much larger office. There were other employees around that she interacted with during the day, but she spent most of her time in her office or running errands for Mindy.

Fridays were always slow and with not as much to do she found herself Googling, looking at different psychology graduate school programs. If she went back to school, she could work towards her goal of becoming a therapist and better herself for the baby. She had always had a dream of attending Stanford University, with its doctoral program being so highly regarded. However, she was unsure if going back to school with a newborn was a good idea. She’d give birth in August and have to go straight into classes when the semester started if she applied for fall of 2018. There were no graduate psychology programs anywhere near Redding. Online schools were hit or miss, and she preferred on ground learning. Moving somewhere for school would put her in a position where she would have no nearby support and have to search for a new job. Childcare was ridiculously expensive, more than she could afford.

Frustrated, CJ exited out of the browser, telling herself she’d return to the dilemma later. She went to open her work email inbox and accidentally clicked onto her personal inbox. There was one unread email and ironically, it was from her alma mater, advertising an alumni day. She quickly opened it to mark it as read and then exited out. But it made her mind drift to her college days and eventually, back to Jess.

She hadn’t spoken to Jess since the end of the tour, shutting her out with the rest of the world. She had received a few concerned texts and calls from Jess, but they had gone unanswered. She felt bad about it, having unintentionally cut out her longest standing friend.

CJ pulled out her phone and stared at it, wondering how Jess would respond if she texted her now. Would she be angry? Maybe not if CJ explained things. She opened her contacts list and clicked on Jess’ number. What could she say. She sat for a moment and then began to type.

Hey, we need to talk.

#80s rock #axl gnr #axl rose #saul hudson #guns n roses #duff mckagan #slash gnr #80s music #izzy gnr #duff gnr

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