#mads and gi

[chaotic-mystery]

Not A Survivalist Girl: Part 2

“What’s your name?”

(Written by @chaotic-mystery & @tightjeansjavi )

(Joel Miller x f!reader)

(gif by @cowboydin) !

Word count: 2.6k

ఌ Summary: Joel Miller lives a life alone. It's the way he likes it. After losing his daughter 13 years ago, and his brother Tommy ditching him for the fireflies out west, he doesn't have much sympathy, nor care for what remains of civilization. That is.until he meets you in the woods one cold night. How stupid could you really be to light a fire, and put yourself in imminent danger.

ఌ Warnings: implied age gap, canon typical violence (eventually) slow burn, mean! Joel, dark! Joel, is literally just a grumpy old asshole!Joel, sunshine reader, no survival skills but she's doing her best, Joel is a loner, mentions of depression, PTSD, trauma, childloss, angst, grumpy vibes, some degradation, nicknames, teasing, eventual smut, (+18) minors dni!

The twigs snapped underneath your boot as you grabbed a branch from beside your tent, slowly walking to the trees off to the side. The rustling of leaves became louder as the footsteps got closer towards you and you gripped the branch tightly, bracing yourself to swing at whatever was about to pop out. 

 “Are you fuckin dumb or just tryin’ to get yourself killed out here girlie?!” 

A scream breaks from your throat as you take a swing with the thick piece of wood you decided was a weapon and it connects with the bicep of the older man coming out of the bushes. He grunts loudly as he doubles over in pain, grabbing his throbbing arm. You tucked your hair behind your ears after you dropped the branch and apologized repeatedly as you reached out to help him. Your hand barely touched his before he could move away from you quickly, his foot dragging in the patch of rocks and dirt. 

“What the hell did you hit me for?! Jesus Christ!” 

“I dunno, I got scared! Why the fuck were you walking all scary and shit in the bushes and trees?! I think my reaction was valid, asshole!” you shouted back as you let out a sigh and sat down on the log by your fire. 

“I saw your smoke earlier and I had to come see what it was and when I’d seen it was just a stupid girl making a fucking fire, I checked the area to see if you attracted anything else. You’re welcome by the way because I killed what I could. Don’t you know not to make a  fucking fire because you’ll attract all sorts of shit and terrible people?” His tone was mean as he spewed his words towards you, rubbing his arm gently still trying to ease the pain. 

You rolled your eyes at him and used your makeshift fire poker to adjust the wood. “Whatever, it’s not like they would’ve gotten through my trap anyway” you pointed at your empty food cans on strings you had tied to the trees surrounding you in a box so they’d jingle when something tripped the wire. 

Joel lifted his head towards your makeshift trap with a roll of his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Riiight. Well, your ‘traps’ are shit considerin’ the fact that I was able to sneak up on ya without you hearin’ a damn thing.” He pulled on one of the cans causing them all to jingle. “Besides that, what the hell were you gonna defend yourself with if a fuckin’ clicker came out of those bushes instead, huh?” He adjusted his rifle over his shoulder as he looked over you, shaking his head. “You ain’t got any real weapon or nothin’? A gun? Knife? The fuck are you gonna do with a piece of fuckin’ wood?” 

“I can show you again what this piece of fucking wood can do, try me.” You stood up grabbing the branch again and ready to hit him once more when his hand connected with it and he yanked it from yours. It took little strength for Joel to snap the thick branch in half like it was a twig. He threw it down into the fire without hesitation. “Girlie, I’d think really fuckin’ long and hard before tryin’ that shit on me again. Can break you in half like a fuckin’ twig.” 

You’d be lying if you said that didn’t turn you on a little bit, maybe even more than a little. It wasn’t the time for that though, you still had to be cautious of this mean ass old man and why he was still talking to you when he could just make you drop dead right there. “So tell me again why you’d rather stand there and talk shit about my traps instead of killing me?” you folded your arms as you looked at him, the dancing flames reflecting in your eyes. 

Joel grinded his teeth together, clenching his jaw tightly. “Why haven’t I killed you yet, girlie? Hmm. That’s an easy one. I ain’t about to waste my ammo on someone as fuckin’ helpless as you.” He spat, venom laced in his tone. 

Ouch. Your lips parted as you let out a scoff and you crawled into your tent to grab your blanket you’ve somehow managed to keep intact all these years. Wrapping it around your body before sitting near the fire again, your face was getting warm with anger as the man just watched you, his eyes never leaving you. “You can leave then if you aren’t going to kill me, I’m kind of tired and I want to sleep. Thanks for not wasting your ammo on my helpless self, I appreciate it. Now fuck off, k?” Being mean wasn’t something you enjoyed but you for damn sure were not about to take this, especially from a man. 

Joel wasn’t quite sure himself as to why he hadn’t just walked away already. Why stick around when he knew that at this rate, you wouldn’t last the night. The infected were the least of your worries, as far as he was concerned. How stupid could you really be to just sit by the fire, blissfully unaware of the danger that you had so willingly put yourself in. “You ain’t gonna last through the night. You know that..right? You sleep now and I am 100% certain that you’re never gonna wake up again. How long have you been out here for anyway?” He leaned his broad frame against a nearby tree, crossing his arms over his chest once more.

Turning your head to look at the trees blowing in the wind, you weren’t sure if you should be truthful or not with him. He seemed like he didn’t really care if you were honest or not. You chewed the inside of your cheek before you answered him coldly, “Few weeks. I just got to this spot a few hours ago. Before this was another couple weeks but I had to move because of..” you trailed off and looked at him, who was impatiently waiting for your sentence to end. There was no way you would embarrass yourself even more and tell him you moved your whole set up because of a damn spider. 

Joel was frankly dumbfounded that somehow, someway, you had lasted this fucking long out in the wilderness. How in the hell did you manage that? Surely it had to be some dumb luck. That was the only logical explanation that came to his mind. “You meanin’ to tell me, that a girl like you, lacking severely in the survival skills department, managed to survive out here for this long? How the hell did ya manage that?” 

He loved insulting your intelligence, so you figure you should give him a run for his money. “I dunno, I guess they don’t think I’m worthy because cordyceps are in the brain and according to you, I don’t have any; so I’m safe I guess!” your tone dripping in sarcasm as you clapped your hands together. 

Joel chuckled, resting his head back against the bark of the tree. He had a smirk playing on his lips. “You really wanna try and get smart with me girlie? Last time I checked, I’m the one with the gun and not you.” He deadpanned. 

“Blah blah blah yeah I can see that, and you already made it clear you wouldn’t use it on me so you can drop the hard ass act. It was nice meeting you, whoever you are. There’s food still in the can by the fire if you’re hungry. Feel free to stay as long as you want or don’t, I don’t really care anymore. I’m going to bed, goodnight. Don’t fuck up my cans when you leave please.” you called out as you made your way into your tent, zipping the nylon opening shut quickly. 

Okay, so you had a mouth to you as well. Joel had a feeling the attitude, and sarcasm you possessed, was just a defense mechanism. He was sure that underneath that protective shield, was just a scared little girl. He watched silently as you made your way into your tent. He was already teetering on the edge of staying but for fucking what? He traveled alone. He didn’t take on stragglers, and certainly not dumb girls such as yourself. You would just end up being cargo, a burden that he had no business carrying. “Sure, girlie. I won’t fuck up your shit excuse for a trap.” He grumbled under his breath as he turned to leave your makeshift campsite. “You know you’re gonna die out here, right?” His guilty conscience was already weighing on him. He just wanted to get it through your thick skull that your chance of survival , was slim to fucking none. 

His condescending tone rang in your ears and you stuck your tongue out at him, glad he couldn’t see you. You knew he was right, but you made it this far alone, who the fuck was he to tell you all of a sudden your methods were shit and you’d die without him? He had no idea where you’d been and what you’ve done for yourself to still be alive. Even if you weren’t pumped full with survival skills, you managed and that was something to be proud of. Fuck him and his unwarranted opinions about your trap, it’s saved you many of times.

Joel had waited for a snapback, a snarky comment, anything at all. He was met with silence. Who was he to decide if you lived to see another day? You had chosen your fate, and his warnings of imminent death didn't seem to phase you in the slightest. Joel Miller had one more trick up his sleeve as he started to walk away. He had purposely tripped over  the wire, causing the cans dangling in the tree above to jingle loudly. 

Your eyes snapped towards the sound of your cans clanking against each other as you screamed loudly and muffled it quickly with your own hand. Right about now you were wishing you had Joel's gun or one of his other weapons that decorated his body in holders or pockets. He was right about one thing: you didn’t actually have a weapon. You lost your knife months ago when you set it down for two seconds and forgot to pick it up before you started on your way to a new place. The only logical thing you could think to do was to pack up your shit and move places again. You nervously grabbed the zipper and pulled down slightly, creating a small hole between the zipper track to peek out and see what you were about to haul ass from. 

Joel was on the other side of the tent and he leaned down slightly so he was more at your eye level. He had a big fucking smirk on his face because he knew he was right. “Ain’t so tough anymore, huh girlie?” He spoke condescendingly, as if he was speaking to a small child. 

Tongue in cheek, you rolled your eyes at him and sighed dramatically. “No, guess not. Ya know it would be a lot easier to insult you and talk shit to you if I knew your name.” you stated and unzipped the tent flap so it was open completely. You knew deep down you should probably stop being such a smart ass to him so he’ll maybe let you tag along and protect you, show you something useful you can actually use. 

Joel scoffed under his breath as he straightened himself up, adjusting his rifle over his shoulder. “Yeah. Wouldn’t you like to fuckin’ know.” He was turning on the heel of his boot once more. “Well girlie, it was nice knowin’ ya. I’ll just be leavin’ ya to the clickers that I didn’t kill. You’ll be a nice snack for them. Oh, don’t worry, I have enough decency to come back and put ya out of your misery once they’re through with you.” 

The thought of being chewed up and ripped apart flashed in your mind and it scared you to pieces. “Please-” your voice shook as you started and got up quickly out of your tent. “Please don’t leave me out here. Not all by myself. I can’t..um- I can’t do this on my own for much longer. I don’t have a weapon, I ran out of food actually, that was my last can I offered to you. I don’t have anyone, please let me come with you.” you didn’t mean to ramble on, it just kind of happened. The tears stung your eyes and you blinked quickly, forcing them to go away. You couldn’t cry in front of him already, he’d probably call you a fuckin crybaby. 

Joel let out a deep, aggravating sigh. Cursing under his breath because he knew he should have just walked away already. Move your feet Miller. She’s a goner and you can’t save everyone. Turn around and walk away, or put her out of her misery. You can make it quick—

“Save your tears for someone who actually gives a fuck, alright? Save ‘em. Wastin’ energy on tears is only gonna make you weaker. You know what happens to people who grow weak because of their emotions, girlie? They die. You wanna live to see another day? You toughen the fuck up. Now you listen closely, alright? You go on and get back in that tent. You rest up and I’ll keep you safe for the night. Consider it my one token of kindness. In the mornin’ I’ll give you some of my food and a weapon or two, and then we’ll go our separate ways. Do I make myself clear?” 

“Okay, thanks I guess.” You lingered there for a second, taking in the stern look on his face. You shouldn’t have been so surprised he wouldn’t let you tag along but he didn’t have to be so fucking mean about it. Taking one last look at him, you turned and went back to your tent. You curled into a ball under your sleeping bag, your blanket still outside on the log you sat on earlier. You couldn’t muster up enough strength to go back and get it, let alone ask his mean ass to give you it. You tucked your head under the sleeping bag as you let your tears free. Everything was getting covered by your tears but you couldn’t be bothered to care. He was so fucking mean. 

Joel watched as you obediently returned to the safety of your tent. He knew his words were harsh but someone needed to give you some tough fucking love. One night of making sure you lived to see another day, wouldn’t kill him. Despite the fact that every bone, and fibre in his body was screaming at him to walk away and never look back. Despite his battling thoughts, he immediately walked over to the still burning fire and kicked some dirt over it with his boot, extinguishing the flames before he plopped down on the log. He had his rifle at the ready, his finger on the trigger as he glanced over at your stupid blanket. Of course it was fucking pink. He turned his nose up at the sight of it, shaking his head as he grumbled under his breath. Protect her for one night, and go your separate ways in the morning. With a weapon she might last a little longer. It’s not your responsibility to keep her alive past tonight. You give in, and you’ll be the weak one. 

[datcravat]

DMG

[gallusrostromegalus]

BEHOLD: THE HYDRATINATOR!!

One of the biggest issues I have at festivals is that even if I put like six new pockets in my costume, I still gotta hold onto my beverage, and frequently managed to put down and lose it anyway.

With THE HYDRATINATOR, I now have a suitably sized cupholder that can be clipped to BUNNI'S backpack or body harness so I can keep my drink on me and stay hydrated.

[lostsomewhereinthegarden]

As a track athlete I just watched the Olympic Trials for track and field and….

WTF NOAH LYLES AKA THE FASTEST MAN IN THE WORLD AFTER USAIN BOLT LEFT THE SCENE IS PULLING OUT HOS FUCKING BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON AND SHOVING IT INTO THE FUCKING CAMERA!!!! YUGIOH WIN!!!! SETO KAIBA WOULD FEEL SOOOOOO MUCH PRIDE LIKE WTF???? HE SHOWED IT TO THE CAMERA BEFORE EVERY 100 METER RACE TOO I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HIM DO IT FOR THE 200 METERS!!

Its not even funny, I started ranting to my dad and the significance of the card and it’s importance to Yugioh, who owns it and what it means by Noah showing it.

[ghostofreach117]

Seeing all these more realistic and interesting interpretations of the Mondstadt cast drawing more from actual Central European culture, it would kind of be interesting to see the Mondstadt adventurers (Fischl and Bennett) have a more Landsknecht style of dress.

Like, adventurers=mercenaries, and being allowed the most colorful and outlandish clothes because they might have a shorter life than others.

YOU ARE SO GOATED FOR THIS IDEA….omg. Bennett definitely hogs all the bright colors while Fischl has the more dramatic silhouette.

Had to give Fischl a bit of French influence bc I feel like she would love Fontainian theater.

[yyamssoup]

aughhhhh zexal stuff

[arkaniist]

something about how alhaitham has a tendency to let people make assumptions about him and then act in ways that reinforce those assumptions without correcting anyone because he thinks he's above it all. something about those hcs about how most people in sumeru must assume he's kaveh's rando live-in boytoy because kaveh is rich and famous and he's Just Some Guy. something about how alhaitham would be fully aware of the fact that people think he's kaveh's kept man and would purposefully play up the act. people are so gullible, isn't it funny kaveh. this is an inside joke just between you and me. can you imagine.

something about kaveh internally screaming because if he was rich this situation would be untenable. if he was rich all of that would not be a rumor. he would buy alhaitham away from the akademiya in a heartbeat and fund his silly little research projects for ever and ever. he would keep alhaitham like a treasured precious lapdog and pamper his pet genius to death. he would love to show off his hayi like arm candy and the worst part is he knows alhaitham would love it too if he ever experienced it for real. yes alhaitham this joke is so funny i love when you make ambiguous comments in public that start rumors and i don't feel sick at all when i think about how badly i wish they were true. yeah because of the house thing. for sure. that's the part of it that gets to me.

[arataka-reigen]

Bruh if I was Alecto I'd never show my face again. Imagine getting killed by the same guy twice in a row.

[holographic-mars]

Boy is so ears

[chaotic-mystery]

GUYS- keep in mind Ill be typing away and she’ll text me something about what I JUST wrote and it makes me scared for a second before remembering she can watch me in real time type on our shared doc 🤣🤣🤣

@chaotic-mystery and I are writing more for Not A Survivalist Girl and Joel is so mean 🤠 mean old man Joel Miller 😵‍💫

BARK BARK BARK

[chaotic-mystery]

I hope you guys like part 2 of Not A Survivalist Girl 😭 Gi & I worked on it all night at the same time, it’s fun seeing how both of us write so different but it meshes so good 🖤 let us know what you think! 🩷 her and I both post the same exact thing so don’t worry if you follow one and not the other but tbh Gi is wonderful I can’t see how you wouldn’t 😭

[kaeyachi]

Diluc comes across a portal that traps him in an AU where Mondstadt continued to keep their monarchy, and in that world, he is apparently the prince and next in line for the throne.

And YAY Crepus is alive as their king, but the next person to tell Diluc that he needed to sit up straight and use the correct utensils instead of whatever he felt like, he will start stabbing them with one of the 3 knives on the dinner table.

(it was Kaeya, and he didn't have the heart to stab him, so he's back to moping and planning a way to go back home)

[tamayokny]

poor joongi :(

[yugiohcardsdaily]

Mokey Mokey Madness [Skill Card]

"Apply the following Skill.

If all monsters you control are 'Mokey Mokey' monsters (min.1), Effect Monsters cannot attack the turn they are Summoned.

Once per Duel, if you control 2 or more Fairy monsters, you can place 1 'Mokey Mokey' Continuous Spell from your Deck face-up in your Spell & Trap Zone, and if you do, destroy 1 monster your control. Once per Duel, you discard 1 card to Fusion Summon 1 'Mokey Mokey King' from your Extra Deck, using monsters from your hand or field as Fusion Material."

[evenings-at-the-seaofquanta]

Y'know what! I hope Furina gets one hell of a character arc AND is very important to the story AND has epic moments along with silly ones AND has her Archonhood confirmed as explicitly as it gets (bc some people still cant accept it apparently) AND has a banger kit and playstyle AND all the people who keep looking for reasons to hate on her/discredit her have to cope and seethe. Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[justlookatthosesausages]

Paimon: Hi Furina!! still recovering from your 500 years of trauma of acting as an entirely different person??

Furina: .........Well yes

Paimon: Cool cool cool do you want to play in a musical?

Furina: What

Paimon: We thought of you as the only option and already told the guy in charge of the play. You're the perfect candidate, you know, since you have experience on stage

Furina: I literally have post traumatic stress disorder from it and only started some me time in my home which is my first break from stage in 500 years

me: she's eating macaroni at every meal LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE

Paimon: What a shame, you truly were the only person we could think of

me: You know who else you know and has excellent experience in singing on stage? Yun Jin

Paimon: Oh my, I really wonder what we can do, what a shame, poor guy and his team, they will have to cancel the show,,,,

me: QUIT GUILT-TRIPPING HER AND ASK YUN JIN