#made this in less than 30 mins lmao

[spicyvampire]

"They seemed to treat the victims as if they were a piece of art."

HAPPY ENDING (2025) Official Pilot

[mustacheskulls]

I just reached 800 followers on Twitter so I made this quick drawing to celebrate

[sugar-omi]

Can you imagine what partner/group projects would be like with the Cove and MC in school?? (Ignoring the indifferent route) At school Cove sticks to the MC’s side like glue so imagine whenever the teacher announces that the class has to partner up or choose group members to do a project Cove just SPRINTS to stand beside you and grabs your hand to ask if you can work together (In step 1 I can just see Cove side eyeing any other group members that he has to work with) But also if the teachers like “Oh but you can’t choose who you work with it’s assigned” poor Cove will just complain to you the entire time if you end up not being able to work together, he’s all pouty like >:(

well if its in step 2, you get things done

not without lots of joking and daydreaming, but it gets done eventually

whereas in step 3, dating or crush, there's lots of flirting n hushed giggles.... like nothing gets done LMAO

either way (although especially in step 3) teachers get tired of your shit and decide to assign partners just to get everyone to socialize with others n blah blah blah

(i can barely say this bc i hate it sm!!! i was and am very shy so teachers forcing me outta my bubble had me fucked.... yes im traumatized jus thinking abt it omg i hate teachers, they think they know what theyre doing but this is a lot more damaging than they think ANYWAY MOVING ON OKOK)

cove will fret abt it the whole day, is dreading doing the assignment bc they wanna do it with you and not some stranger or some mean/rowdy classmate

omg during step 1 he's so clingy too, starts moving towards you for any group or pair assignment

at some point snaps abt how its ridiculous they're forcing him to be friends with other kids bc he doesn't like them like that n they don't like him like that and why force a shy kid to do smth they dont want.....

yeah your parents have to keep going to school to talk w the teacher abt this, its tough

by step 3 he can put up with it, but he's texting you like the whole time or getting ready to see you and if his group mates complain its "i did my part of the assignment."

can't even complain bc he did it and he did it right

when you do work together it's the most coordinated shit ever

somehow, even between lots of goofing around and a bit of flirting it gets done on time and if you have to present its done right

you're coordinated, n like a oiled machine

like i said cove takes on whatever you can't

i saw a post, cant rmbr if it was a tweet or a tiktok but he's the type that can't speak up bc they got his order wrong but will go ask the waiter for sauce for you

if its for the same class n assignment, you'll go look for the books n stuff you need together at least

and if you can work on it at home, you will put your parts of the assignment for your group together before you turn it in

omg especially in step 3 he acts like its the end of the world istg he's so dramatic

afterwards will fall over you n is like "omg we barely made it"

like bro. you had to play *insert bullshit gym activity* with another person for like 30 mins more or less CALM DOWN

just comfort him a bit n play along w his exaggeration n its okay <3

[kuwajima]

Can I ask how you made the lil kny chocolate bombs? they’re SO CUTE

Yes of course! I bought a KNY chocolate making kit (from Bandai) from Amazon JP. But it’s not actually intended for hot cocoa bombs, so I had to improvise a little.

The molds are intended to be filled completely with chocolate and pressed together while the chocolate is warm to make one solid piece, but that doesn’t work when you need to have them filled with cocoa powder. So after a few tries, I figured out how to make it work!

If you want to make them too, I have steps listed below! It’s not that difficult once you get the hang of things!

The little picture of chocolate Inosuke with a pink nose inspired me to try out the molds in full color! Fun fact, you can buy some things off Amazon JP if you’re in the US. You do need to pay for somewhat expensive shipping, but it was cheaper to buy this from Japan than second-hand via eBay for me!

You will obviously need chocolate for this. Theoretically anything could work, but I used colored candy melts from the craft store and some almond bark stuff from Walmart. Melt it per package instructions, which is usually the microwave. The cup they give you in the kit is actually awesome, it kept the melted chocolate SO warm. But I was using so many colors for the set that I actually filled a Pyrex dish with boiling water and kept my tiny heat-safe glasses of colored chocolate in the water to keep them liquid enough to work with. If you’re going to use a lot of colors, it’s good to be strategic with the order of melting colors. If you’re doing just one of two colors you won’t need the dish of water.

For the fully colored ones I did small layers of colored candy melts and let each layer cool completely before adding the next one. This is why it took 2 hours lmao. When I made them with just plain chocolate it took significantly less time (maybe 30 min total with cool times for all 6?)

So for Inosuke I had to do the little white dot on his eyes, let it cool, add the blue, let it cool, then add MORE white! You’ll do this until the entire mold is coated with chocolate, but you want the layers to be pretty thin so you can add as much cocoa mix as possible. I was using toothpicks for small details and chopsticks for larger portions like the clothes.

HOWEVER if you just want to make solid colors or way less detailed bombs, you can just coat the entire mold in a thin layer of chocolate. Either way you want the cavity of the mold to be pretty big because that’s where the cocoa mix goes.

It’s hard to see, but one side of the mold doesn’t have chocolate up to the rim of the mold. There’s like a fraction of a cm of space. Let them cool completely.

Once cool, you’ll fill ONE side with cocoa mix. This is just a pre-made mix, but you can do anything you want. Cocoa mix is basically just cocoa powder and sugar lol. I also tried this with flavored milk tea powder! Since the other side is hollow, you can make a tiny mountain of the mix instead of just filling it to the top of the cavity.

Because the chocolate is cool, the two sides will not fit together on their own. This is why I left a tiny bit of space on the other mold.

Cover just the rim of the character on the opposite mold with hot melted chocolate. You can be a little messy here because the extra stuff will get smooshed to the side, away from the character. Match the notches when the chocolate is HOT (if it’s only kinda warm it won’t attach as well) and smoosh. You see the super thin layer of chocolate outside the character area? That will break off when you open the mold. Make sure the chocolate is totally surrounding the entire rim of the character because if there are any gaps, the mix will leak out when it is taken out of the mold.

Let it cool completely in your fridge (or at room temp, I guess?) for like 10 minutes and it should pop right out of the mold! If it doesn’t, you can also carefully press one side of the mold to take the character out.

And boom! You’re done! Now you can drown your faves in the hot milk or beverage of your choice! Go forth and eat your blorbos!

Giyu and Shinobu about to be sent to their doom:

[ahiddenpath]

Life Update

Life chat beneath the cut. I feel like this one is a bit on the whiney complainy side, but it is where I am now, so I'm keeping it for posterity, lol! But don't read if you're not down for some whine and cheese xD

So I took the last week off from work. I was frustrated, because I didn't go anywhere- it was a staycation. We opted for that mostly because I was going to lose my gd mind if I didn't get some time off. I get 3 weeks off per year, plus a week closure around Christmas "made of" federal holidays that we do not get, so I try to optimize my time off. But... I didn't have the brain space to do anything, and also, as I tried to plan things... Holy damn, everything is so much more expensive than it was even like three years ago.

But now I'm further frustrated because I spent the vast majority of the week just doing damned chores and household projects. Like, I told myself I would stop doing any chores yesterday, but I still spent until 2 PM exercising and doing "a few quick things." The same thing happened today. I'm kind of in, like, a horrible sort of awe of how long shit takes, man. For example, it took my husband and I about 2 hr to take down a broken ceiling fan that was 30 years old and not very user friendly and replace it with a new one. It took me an hour with a hair drier and a scraper to remove like 2.5 cm of hot glue from a doll's head (holding her removable eyes in place) so I could send her out to be painted. And I spent 40-90 min outside for like 8-12 days weeding and doing some basic yard work to prep for a mulch delivery.

I'm trying to be more fit recently. I am, ah. A very unfit human. I think I somehow have not mentioned this in the 12 years of this blog, but... I've had a million surgeries on my hip and spent roughly age 6 months to 2 yrs in a body cast, then until roughly age 4 in physical therapy to learn to move around. I'm clumsy and can just, like, fall over unprompted, I assume because of all that. I don't have the full range of movement in my lower body, so doing physical things can be... Really daunting. I always put exercise and mobility training off.

And of course, it's starting to bite my ass, lmao. I recently learned that humans begin losing muscle mass in their 30s, meaning that weight training is essential. I also learned that using a machine to exercise (like an elliptical) is only good for cardiovascular health. The machine takes on a lot of the... strain?? Work?? Of moving, meaning you aren't working your body in the same way as when you just... Walk. It's meant to help you work out longer, so you can develop your cardiovascular system. (Incidentally, this is why walking and hiking are great exercise).

That's why I took on a lot of the gardening/yard work. I did clear out all of the weeds! And the way my soreness decreased over the days means that I did something good for my body.

But, like. The amount of time caring for your body takes is absolutely gobsmackingly unreal. Holy shit god damn! I've always struggled to keep the balls of work, mental health, creativity, physical health, and social health in the air, not touching on chores and stuff. The physical ball is the one I always put down first.

But I only get this one body, and the American healthcare system is a nightmare. So... Yeah, the priorities need to shift here. My foot has been hurting for a few weeks, now, and it happened last year after Japan, too. It's time to actually go to the doctor for that.

I am sensing more and more that I need to give less to work, too. That's difficult for someone like me to do, because I always feel a deep need to do my best with everything. But... Working this hard just isn't sustainable, and it isn't as if I'm rewarded over someone in the same position who does less.

I haven't had much of an opportunity to rest or do anything creative this week, despite being off. And I'm just as distressed by the fact that um... Just being gone at work from 8:20 AM-5:50 PM every day makes it impossible to do the tasks that built up over the last 3-4 years of being in this home. You know, sometimes people tell me, "But what would you do if you didn't have a job? I'd go crazy!" And I'm like- DUDE. DUDE! I could exercise, walk, work on house projects, and do chores all day every day for like three years and still have stuff to do! That doesn't even touch the personal projects and hobbies I want to work on.

Hopefully, I can figure out some kind of balance that works for me and is healthy. I wish you all the best, my dears <3

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

Gonna start being a brave girl and logging what happened during my day (when I feel like it) as text posts rather than tags so here goes 😭.

Work

Work wasn’t too bad today. Only did a half day so it wasn’t nearly as tiring as the 12 hour shifts. Was assigned a 1.1 today which means I was in a patient’s room with them all day monitoring their pulse, tidal vols and oxygen levels and making two sets of notes. The more detailed set was taken every 30 mins and the less detailed set every hour. They are fairly easy to take care of. Unfortunately they’re mostly bed bound but they like music so I put on lots of songs for them throughout the day to keep them entertained. They usually wave their hands in the air and shake their head when they hear a song they enjoy which I find quite sweet. Also I make sure to keep their hair brushed and skin moisturised throughout the day.

Whenever I’m assigned to that patient my work crush tends to pass by their room a lot and then we’ll make awkward eye contact with the odd smile lmao. Sometimes light convo if he’s feeling brave that day 😭.

Uni

Still haven’t got a reply from my personal tutor regarding the exams I messed up. I’m hoping they don’t fuck up my ability to pass the course overall. Dad has said that I shouldn’t worry and that if I have to repeat the year he’ll pay my tuition but I don’t want to have to repeat the year. I just feel so shit because it was poor mental health that made me fuck those exams up. I was in a really bad place, doubting my capability and didn’t bother submitting an MCF because I thought my mental health wouldn’t be taken seriously as the people in charge of it seem reluctant to give out extensions, allow you to defer etc but we’ll see how it goes.

Kinda scared for this essay coming up but I’ve been working hard to make sure I do detailed analyses of the papers supporting my arguments so I’m hoping it goes well.

Mood

Feeling so weird rn. My mood is shifting from anxious and depressed to emptiness. I can be hard on myself sometimes but it’s because I’m constantly thinking about where I’m from (3rd world country where most are unable to continue their education past college due to finance issues) and where I want to be (neuropsychologist or something similar). Most people in that field don’t even look like me and the odds never feel like they’re in my favour so it stresses me out but I don’t want to give up.

I’ve also deleted hinge and bumble lmao. I always say it will be the last time but I think this time it actually is. I think if I meet someone it’s gonna have to be organically. Not gonna put any pressure on it. It will happen when it happens.

[geographerdose]

Leo risings, pt. 2//Libra Moon

Scorpio-Pisces Moons will be a separate post since I have been doing the “celestial screenshots”, not looking at the specifics of each chart is difficult. Also the whole Heliacal rising wore me out, not gonna lie.

⏰Descriptions clockwise in order starting with top left

Emma Stone, Julianne Nicholson, Betty Grable, Maya Angelou

🔥 Just straight out the gate with Aries Venus, guys; FIERCE. Look at Maya —> she is absolutely BEAUTIFUL, it radiates from within her. I will not stop with the Aries Venus beauty adoration (post to come later with my hypothesis as to why this is the case) {also saw she had an exalted Aries sun conjunct her Venus}

🌷Libra Venus (Emma), Scorpio Venus (Betty) and Cancer Venus (Julianne, also no relation to Mr. Jack Nicholson far as I could tell)

🏛️I could not help but notice Betty and Maya were both born in St. Louis

✏️Alright calling myself out here on my mistake: I looked at Maya’s Venus sign wrong: she actually has a Pisces Venus (exalted) BUT it is within less than 30 degrees of the Sun:

🙄How is that any different than a sign being in a neighboring house and by definition NOT aspected, one might ask?

🧐Valid question, I would say. The Sun is special (how Leo of it🕶️) in that any planets within 15 degrees of it are “under the beams” and thus hidden. There is something called Heliacal Rising that occurs when planets are more than 15 degrees (but less than 30) away from the Sun. The idea is that once the sun stops shining SO bright that it’s blinding {within 15*} that it shines and makes those within the 16-30* EXTRA visible and it is actually quite a fortunate aspect to have.

🪩 “Venus is just as bright as the Sun”

📺 In this analogy, Brutus is under the beams of Caesar via his giant big feet. {Brutus is Gretchen in the gif, and Regina is Caesar} Cady would be Heliacal Rising in that she is able to shine extra bright. [in a super simple logic] Brutus is the planet caught under the beams of Caesars massive BLINDING BRIGHTNESS

⚜️ the planet may have to fall within 16-30 degrees of the same sign but that was not my understanding of the material {and unfortunately Google is no help here, which is frustrating and gratifying at once)

🎁 What a gift to find this new learned concept “out in the wild” again. But also (lmao)…

📣it makes my statement about Aries Venus less wrong because Mayas Ascendant Ruler is the Sun (in Aries) and her Venus is being “glowed up” so to speak by the concept known as Heliacal Rising

👑It is especially fortunate since BOTH Venus and Sun are exalted.

🎀 Alright enough time and space wasted explaining why I was not actually wrong and arguing with no one but myself….

🎤 it’s me, hi. im the problem, it’s me 🍵

🌚 Earlier I made a post and in it the Native was born during a New Moon so their Lots of Spirit and Fortune fell in the first house.

🌝I could not help but notice Ms. Angelou was born during a Full Moon and so the opposite is true: the Lots of Spirt and Fortune fall in the seventh house.

👗I almost decided to change this into a Maya Angelou celestial screenshot post but, my goodness, the material available on her is overwhelming. I simply wanted to find proof of the career+love intermingling with both Lots in the same house (particularly in the seventh) but it appears that there is not a lot of information regarding her marriages.

🎼🎹My theory as to WHY that is the case —> her seventh house is ruled by Saturn. Sun is at 14 Aries, Jupiter at 16 Aries both applying to Saturn at 19 Sag via a superior trine (sun+Jupiter in superior position). What does this mean? It means that the ruler of her seventh is under the beams and thus the details regarding this topic are hidden —> little information regarding her marriages

📚I imagine I could find more if I dug but I have four books currently in rotation at present and so anything not findable within a five-min Wiki glance is out of the question. {not including my procrastination and own scrolling ofc; productivity-wise….}

🦙 I intended to do the Leo Rising/Libra-Pisces Moon but then the Heliacal Rising happened, and the Full Moon came out (after discussing New Moon earlier) so I just had to go with it. When synchronicities call, you answer.

🤫I won’t lie and say I’ll come back to editing it to match the intended title because that is just not who I am as a person ✌🏻

🐏 Notice how Aries took all the attention again?

🤹St. Louis used to have a football team known as… wait for it: the RAMS. What a fitting ending to the St. Louis Native with strong Aries influence that took over this post… I blame Aries but it’s probably just me.

[kitchenknickers]

pumpkin pie ice cream

so I went ahead and paid a fortune for imported canned pumpkin this year because I wanted to try to make some pumpkin pie ice cream, and this was very much worth it

when I make pumpkin pie it’s always a little less smooth than I would prefer and soooo much work because I have to make the pumpkin puree by hand.

I got these tins on slight sale from the importer for black friday and it made a massive difference to the workload

making an ice cream was a bit of a gamble but I didn’t want to be making two kinds of desserts and taking over the whole dessert table, and also like…running the oven :(

I was just going to make a custard from the pie recipe and throw extra cream into it but this recipe had way more eggs so I decided to go with their advice and I’m glad I did

Ingredients

6 egg yolks

3/4 cup dark brown sugar

1 cup pumpkin purée, canned

2 cups cream

1 cup whole milk

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon ground clove, 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg, 2 star anise petals (or 1/8 teaspoon ground) (I actually made my own pumpkin spice incl mace and ground ginger, and I used a solid two tablespoons of the mix because what the hell, 1/2 tsp of cinnamon????)

1 tablespoon bourbon, rye, or Scotch (no alcohol this time, as I didn’t have any and I felt like it wasn’t necessary…though it may have helped which I will talk about later)

1 teaspoon kosher salt

3/4 cup chopped gingersnap cookies, store-bought or homemade, chilled in freezer

1/4 cup candied ginger, finely chopped, chilled in freezer (though I made some blood orange candy peel for the chips (which I forgot to add 😭) and made a biscoff crumb crust instead of putting cookies in the ice cream.

I put them in little tart tins, and the left over in a large silicone ice tray, so we will see how it plays out.

so the big thing I noticed this time was that I took it out after 30 mins and it was…not quite ideal. I should have put the candy peel in at that point and let it roll a while longer but I forgor.

the biggest thing was that between the brown sugar instead of caster sugar and the earlier removal time, it was quite uneven in frozen-to-soft, with a whole bunch of the ice cream freezing hard as a sort of shell on the walls of the bowl.

I actually had to waste a good serve of the stuff because it was too hard to get out without scraping and I didn’t want to wait for it to thaw, I have too much to do today.

so yeah. the alcohol may help with that?

we’ll see how it freezes in the freezer, but even if it goes quite hard I’m not scooping this i’m cutting, so it will be fine.

also it will be 40C so hard is probably better lmao.

but flavour and texture wise it’s awesome.

I will also say that logistically, the time it took to get ice cream into the pie tins was a bit arduous so the ice cream softened a lot. but it wasn’t overall an extreme disaster.

I had the aircon cranked and made it at like 4 in the morning so like…even with the room that cool I was struggling.

[bisluthq]

Oh that reminds me! I just sent the long message about the anon with the roommate maybe being in ED zones.

There was an anon who asked recently about what to do when you get the munchies with your period.

Literally eat more at meal time. I’ve been learning a lot about this stuff (from actual drs lmao, like not IG influencers) and I can’t remember all of it, but basically your cycle can be broken up into 4 weeks/ phases and each phase requires different things.

Your body uses a lot of energy to have a period, and it needs a certain amount of energy to make one and recover from one. The shedding of the lining of the uterus and the back pain is literally to prepare you for childbirth and just the same cramps but typically to a lesser degree than actual childbirth. So it’s good to stick to light exercise during and just after your period and eat extra at meal time because your body needs it. That’s why we snack during it, because we NEED more to push the blood out easier.

Once your period is over, it’s recommended to eat high iron foods and extra water / less caffeine or anything that acts as a diuretic, because you need to top up the fluids you lost and restore the blood levels. It’s not like you’re gonna become dehydrated and bleed out just cause you had your period (unless there’s something seriously wrong) but doing that stuff makes it easier for your next period. The next 2 weeks is when you have the most energy to burn, so if you have a workout routine, that’s the part of your cycle when you can run heaps, light big weights, do endurance and CrossFit type shit (if that’s something you’re capable of!) but then you want to slow down just before your period to lighter weights, less CrossFit type stuff, not as much endurance, and keep it less strenuous. Pausing/ doing lighter versions of whatever you do before your period starts until a couple days after it’s finished gives your body more energy to push out the blood because your body doesn’t think you NEED to hold on to it to fight the bear or whatever primitive thing we’d do that CrossFit mimics lol.

An easy way to see if this applies to you is if you’re mostly having brown blood, it means it’s old blood and there are a few possible reasons for it, but one is that your body is like ‘I’m not gonna get rid of this fresh uterus lining because I might need to send it to the muscles’. If you slow down the pace of whatever your workout routine is, and eat more at meals if you’re hungry and wanting to snack or getting period munchies, it will likely help you have a much easier period.

A lot of the workout routines have been designed with male bodies in mind and they have a 24 hour hormone cycle, not a 28 day one.

So I’ve changed my workout from doing like weight lifting day, cardio day, Pilates day stuff each week to:

Period week + a few days before and after: walking and Pilates, if I’m feeling it I’ll do a light jog, but I do less steps these days too, unless I’m only walking.

The rest of the time: weight lifting a few days a week, push myself with cardio (within the healthy limits) to either run faster or further, and less time doing Pilates stuff, but I just feel really good doing a few stretches. So I’ll do like 15 minutes during this time and then on my period (when I feel like it lol) I’ll do a full class, or a 30 min session at home.

It has made a huge difference to my periods and my fitness is still improving even though I do light stuff for 10 days. Like I’m seeing better results in terms of lung capacity, how far and fast I can run, muscle growth and how much I can lift, and my recovery time is better.

Obviously, everyone is different and needs different things and will feel better with different things, but if you’re having bad periods with old blood, bad PMS, bad back pain, etc and wondering why you’re tired and hungry (and have seen a dr to rule out things like PCOS and endometriosis) I really encourage you to try a version of the above for 3 months and see how you go. I’ve been doing this for 6 months (it takes 3 months typically for a woman’s hormones to reset) and my periods are a lot easier. It’s super interesting to learn about too because just knowing why you’re hungrier (especially with dumb ass diet culture we were exposed to 😫)… like it just makes sense. Well it did and does for me. lol

Sorry for another essay Nat, I tried to edit but I also feel the need to tell everyone about this stuff because I had so many tests and drs appointments and legit just changing my workout schedule and allowing myself to eat more when I was hungry was all I needed to do 😭

this seems like amazing advice!

[cricketwrangler]

Logans been inpatient since his surgery Wednesday, initially was just going to be overnight to stay safe, but the pt/ot/case manager are trying to see about getting him to an inpatient rehab from here. Which would be great bc home health or doing anything in our home town hasn't worked out, and he hasnt been consistently well enough to do the hour and a half drive to the decent PT place for a year. And tbh he needed this cause even just having consistent fluids and a better environment to meet his needs without as much strain probably helped a bit.

But after messaging and calling his insurance and them bring like "we'll send you an email in 30 min" 3 separate times, they finally did, and it was just the results of them searching "PT" on their own portal. The results were like athletico and shit lmao. So mostly banking on the case manager having better luck calling places. None of them are less than an hour from our home, but if its inpatient I guess that's OK. Concerned though that if they wouldn't let me stay with him that he would not be properly cared for. This is really the first place where about all the people involved with his care are competent and kind.

However guess that's gotta come to an end cause his nurse today responded to a pretty bad instance of pain (related to his neck surgery, his usual pain, and head pain and pressure that isn't unheard of for him but kinda concerning after spine surgery!) with the "oh you must be feeling anxious, just try to relax". Didn't even check when I said his eyes were uneven--and like, his lazy eye generally accompanies acute symptoms and fatigue, but this was also uneven pupils.

Like that's the thing that makes me seeth is when you know when a doctor/nurse walks in the room that before they came in, they made a decision that won't be changed. He took logan off fluids and his heart monitor earlier and acted like it was a favor. And before this I'd gotten that feeling from him. And that he thought logan oughtta be discharged/doesn't need the rehab. But thought I was just making assumptions and he was plenty friendly lol.

He was all like "if you're feeling anxious don't worry just call me, I'm the friendliest guy you'll meet, sometimes just talking will make things go away". Like yeah ok idk about logan but now IM anxious bc before, there was a cautious optimism that if anything particularly concerning (or even non dangerous discomfort) happened, people were actually responsive.

[spaceoperajay]

attempts to fix my shitty insomnia (its been better as of late)

-the good

--relaxing the body. i've acheived this through stretching & magnesium lotion (which i should start doing 30 min before a shower rather than right b4 bed as its rather oily) & edibles helps

--hold my teddy bear & have a pillow behind me to simulate having another person there when im not with my partner. lol. so much of my life is just trying to hack myself into being normal

--stop playing catchup ie "oh i got 4 hrs of sleep so i got into work late & so i stayed late to makeup and now i have less precious freetime i need to stay up late again-" no. thats stupid not falling down that well again.

--eye drops. so my cornea scratch that has not fully healed in Two Fucking Years will open up during REM sleep like enough to irritating & wake me but not enough to open & debilitate me (but i think this happening does bring me closer to open & debilitate me). i think i underestimated how much this affected me

--im generally being more conscientious of things that over-stimulate me before bed & i get over-stimulated very easily

--theres some horror audiodrama anthologies that have been helping me sleep. sounds weird (which is why im not gonna go around "oh yeah your horror stories help me sleep!", people are going to take it as an insult) but M is the similar & once said it was explained to them as having the mind engaged & given something else to worry over. in middle school to help my insomnia my therapist had my mother take away my stephen king novels i'd read before bed- which made it worse lmao

-the maybe

--the edibles help relax me but yeah i can feel how it fucks up sleep. but when i do remember my dreams i find i feel really well-rested?

--i take benavryl but im pretty sure ur not supposed to do this bivnfkjljovgjo

--got a new b12 supplement? could just be coincidental timing. like im a shitty vegan & i stop & get egg sandwiches at dunkin in the morning too often to be truly deficient.

-the potential

--have a doc appt w/ a general practitioner who recc'd i get a sleep aide so . when i made one they were like "yeah you got a blood test but never got a follow up so we need to re-do the test" vht9rjvoirj so its a bit delayed but i am gonna see her in two weeks.

--i need to get some physical books to read to limit screentime b4 bed. i want to read tlt but more than that theres some web serials i want to read. i could print them out???

--drawing should be relaxing & hopefully i will finish setting up my desk tonight. how do i not have a desk yet WFH? well i started WFH right after my accident & wasnt exactly able to set it up.

the bad

--i am not that conscientious of keeping myself away from over-stimulation

--most people seem to sleep poorly once then be able to sleep a lot the next day. me? if my body hear's that i'm only getting 2 hrs of sleep its like hell yeah!!!! 2 hrs of sleep for the whole week!!!!

--the evil glowing light has (most of) my gay lil friends

[star2sworld]

I need to rant. 🙄

Today started off good. I woke up at 6 let my cat out and went back to sleep. I woke up at 7:40 and my cat and I went outside together then my brother came shortly after ( why is he up so early ?? ) anyways I tell him about my crazy dream and head back inside. I go do my morning routine. I made my bed, did my gratitude journal, morning yoga, journaled, & 13 min mirror affirmation. I then ate rice and eggs & 10 piece chicken nuggets ( still going good). I went to shower after and I hear my sister yelling for me to hurry up because she needs to deficate. Mind you this was less than 10 mins of a shower 😐

I was told we were going to my sisters school last night ACTUALLY was insisted to go so I said ok. After the shower I did my after shower routine and hurried to put makeup on and get myself ready. I put lotion on and layered a few perfumes. After I rushed tf outta my makeup I ask my sister are we going for the second time and she says no I told u that and I said no u didn’t ??? Like wtf?? And then she said my brother told me like omg if he had I would’ve fucking known. I’m so pissed lol I could’ve took my time to do my makeup. I wanted to do a good eye makeup today to make my eyes pop.

I literally hated the way my makeup came out. Maybe it’s good just didn’t look good on me. So stressed a school starts in a week. My eyebrows are literally effed as well. I don’t know what makeup suits my face. Hell I don’t even know how to do makeup anymore. Now I’m laying in bed complaining.

I suppose this is better for me. I don’t have to waste my time going to a college for 2 hours doing nothing there. I can continue working on myself. I’m afraid I’m going to make working on myself will be my personality. Or my entire life. I need to relax and chill too. But right now I can’t lol. Im literally sooo tired. I think I’m going to have a Power Nap ( 30 mins ) although in psychology a nap is only 20 mins because after the 20 min mark your brain thinks you’re going into a deep sleep 😴 Idk if I should sleep tho.

Let me just create a list of things I need to do asap today😐

- vision board

- pictures for room

- mediate

- learn how to manifest

- learn how to astral project

I think that’s it lmao I can’t think I’m still upset no one told me like tf literally was forced into saying yes and then no one cares to inform me 😑

Whatever I’m still mad over the fact I hate the way my makeup came out like I don’t want to look ugly bruh bye asf

[thesoundofsnowfallingfromeaves]

I hiked a little over 20k today, with my backpack, and a good 300m of elevation (which is not a lot but elevation is hard to come by around here lmao). Definitely feeling it in my legs, but this one already somehow felt better than the 13.5k hike I did last weekend. Gonna do another one on sunday with my brother and friends, I think I'm gonna load my pack with a few more kgs for that one and see how it goes.

I also did a better job with eating while hiking, tried to have a little bite at least every 30-60 mins, whereas last time I only took one break to eat, so maybe that also helped and made this one feel a bit easier. Also it was a bit less warm. Sunday is gonna be like 27° so definitely a lot hotter.

[loisfreakinglane]

some further thoughts and opinions!!!!!!!!! ON THIS CAMPY FUN SEASON OF TV 💖

my personal s1 episode tier list:

1.12 prophecy girl was perfect, 1.11 out of mind out of sight has my whole cordy stanning heart, 1.07 angel has my whole angel, angel/darla angel/buffy stanning heart, 1.10 nightmares hit me way harder than i remembered- AND DOWN THE LINE WE GO TIL WE HIT 1.06 the pack, which is not an episode i hate so much as find incredibly boring. (honestly surprised 1.05 never kill a boy on the first date fell where it did on this watch, i remembered it being one of my fav eps of the season years ago)

character feelings rundown:

buffy is BABY. a perfect protag. best mix of girly girl, asskicker, snarky, deeply caring (the way she comforted amy trapped in her moms body, and billy the disembodied 12 year old? I'M SO!). my heart really breaks for her, esp towards the end of the season when we're really seeing much more vividly her melancholy over the life she lost (her fears that she caused her parents divorce, that her father hated her! her grief over her lost childhood, her nostalgia for when she was the popular girl winning crowns). and tbh she could have clawed her way back to it in a lot of ways, turned a blind eye, joined the popular crowd (which was on offer in ep 1!) but she chose to prioritize saving lives.

cordy is my #1 forever, even here when she's a blatantly bitchy bully. even after the scoobies save her life she's insulting them to their faces the second they have an audience. but even in just 12 episodes she grew so much! AND 11/12 ARE SUCH A ONE TWO PUNCH OF CORDY DEPTH AND EXCELLENCE! she's prepared to risk her own life to save willow and jenny! AND we actually see her connecting with buffy and willow in these last few eps, even in nightmares when we see her actually being vaguely nice to buffy over that nightmare test.

angel!!!!!!! i didn't expect all that much from him in s1, his presence is very limited. but by god did the angel episode pack a fuckton of punch. i think it helps that i know him, i know hes a megadork trying to pull off looking cool and mysterious to the youths. he hides in the shadows, not to be mysterious but bc he's a socially isolated nerd. ugh i love him. and his backstory with darla is given SO MUCH WEIGHT and made me so fucking emotional right there. and baby bangel is adorable. i'm not gonna think about how young buffy is lol i don't have it in me to interrogate age gaps in vampire fiction, not today

willow is sweet and she gained so much confidence over the season. i'll be honest tho and say that i still don't personally find her very interesting on her own merit, but i don't have any ISSUES with her at this point (tho i will say her utter lack of response to jesses death was a wild onscreen choice. was he really more of xanders friend than hers??). she's a solid member of the scoobies, i enjoy her as part of the group

giles is so cute! i love how much he still has to learn at this point in his watcher career. genuinely what has he been up to the last 20 years. he barely knows anything lmao. tho ofc i think he might also be flat out lying about some stuff bc of RIPPER PAST. his love for buffy already runs so deep so fast. even in WITCH he was so protective of her.

XANDER. i'm sorry but i love him here. he can be a dick, 100% i will not argue that. and i am deeply uninterested in his crush on buffy. but i'm invested in him and i enjoy him in this season. i love his snarky dick self and his bravery, his complete lack of faith in his intelligence and future hurts me on a personal level. ALSO kay i know we all know of the gay xander timeline but i'm feeling less and less like that's some alternate reality and more like xander is a man that needed to hit 30 before he was ready to grapple with it. maybe my brain is just plastered full of i saw the tv glow but xander reads as so heavily queer, whether thats in a sexuality or gender sense or both. i cannot unsee it! it feels so blatant!

for minor characters: snyder is such a fucking good bad guy. he's so entertaining with his small scale villainy. jenny is such an immediately great presence, she's so sparkly and she brings out such a funny side of giles. joyce is sweet, she loves buffy and is clearly TRYING. i really appreciate her relationship with buffy in this season, they are both busy women with busy lives but they try to make the time for each other (tho i have to say that s6 mental hospital retcon just. doesn't exist to me. it makes NO SENSE with s1 joyce, the two just don't click at all for me personally, and even trying to smash them together hurt my brain). harmony is p wild to behold in this era bc of everyone in this show her personality changes the least??? even tho she literally loses her soul?? i already miss darla SO MUCH. clawing at the walls to get baby princess back. the master was a solid villain! he was def around a lot less than i remembered. i suppose by virtue of his limitations, being trapped in his lil cave.

one season of buffy DOWN!

AND IT WAS DELIGHTFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Personally, I feel S1 is a very underrated season. There's some real gems in the mix! And no episodes I completely hate at all, with only one I am extremely MEH about. So yes! I loved it!!!!!!!!!! 6 more seasons (plus 5 more of angel!!!!!!!) to go 💖💖💖

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#26

I took 150 last night and somehow passed out on it so I'm finna take 350 now that I'm awake so that I can get slightly high while being mostly sober by the time my bsf calls me today.

AFTERMATH

I took wayyyy more than 350. I think I took 1.1k overall. Took 200 and let it wear off completely instead of taking the extra 150 after a bit like I planned. Then I started crying.. then I chilled for a bit.. then cried some more. It got badddd I was snotting it up and my arm was genuinely wet wet from all rapidly flowing eye water smh

When I got otp with my best friend I was soberish. I was still crying at that point but I made sure I wasn't sobbing in her ear or anything. She had me spill the beans and by the end of it i was cackling off her mocking my sniffles. She's such a dick i stg 😭

Anyway after she calmed me dowm, she dipped to do some busy work with her mom. I ended up popping another 850 in the meantime. She said she'd be back in 30 mins and I think it was uh.. I think an hour and a half atp so I figured she forgot and I was off the hook for the day. But nah. She texted then called me and I had.. absolutely zero chance of hiding how gone I was.

Mostly I can still hide the junk even when I'm sky high cause with pretty much anyone else im not doing a lot of the talking and my slight chuckles and agreement noises is usually enough. R, however, is fucking hilarious and I'm always laughing at stupid shit she'll say. Which is kinda a problem asss i have a hard time laughing while im that high. My mouth and throat be so dry and to a point where talking in itself is a big task so laughing is pretty much out the question. Plus, kinda weird but i have a hard time finding anything funny in general. Soo when I was sitting there super quiet and not reacting much to stuff she'd say, I ended up fessing up so she wouldn't overthink my silence. Knowing her she probably would've blamed it on herself somehow so it wasn't even worth hiding imo.

It was kinda sad tbh. I'm glad we did get to talk some yesterday but we did way less talking than we'd usually do cause of all of that junk. I went to sleep promptly after we got off the phone as I felt weird. And kinda sad ngl.

When I first woke up I could still feel the remnants of yesterday's dose and I was exhausted but couldn't sleep anymore as I had already slept for I think... 10 hours? Maybe 9 I dunno

Aside from that symptom wise I'm mostly normal. Still feel a little floaty and I'm not 100% for full ass convos rn. I wanna sleep some more but I have a kitchen to clean + I was picking at my skin again so I need to do some aftercare on my skin to minimize scarring as much as I can. I mostly pick at my legs and for that I don't really bother with caring for scars. While I don't really cut myself anymore and I wasn't too too into it before either, my thighs are still covered in scars from them. That plus a few scars that have only recently fully went away made me care a lot less for how my legs look. But nowadays I be forgetting to keep my picking to my legs and started picking at my face again. That I try to hide cause my dad constantly comments on shit like that and I just don't want him to acknowledge it

Lowkey dealing with heartburn and sharp pain in my stomach. Prolly cause I took that much at once and didn't really eat before. I had hella cereal earlier in the day and that was about it

I really gotta start remembering to eat.. I'm fat and all (well. Chubby. Mfs get so confused when I call myself fat 💀) but at the same point I think it'd be kinda sus if I randomly lose weight weight like that. Especially with how shady I've been acting lmao

NOTES/EMOTIONS

Mm. I don't know how to explain my mindset rn. I feel completely useless and I want to just wither away and get forgotten by everyone all at once. I'm sure that's due to the mix of bs I have floating around in my head. I'm tryna keep it together tho. I haven't been drinking enough water as is and I'm sure me crying again is gonna make that worseeee so I'll just try and distract myself for now

I'm so fucking tired of crying. Why can't I just be happy

[dagss]

What did you think of this year's Césars? PS: I've been watching your movie recs andI loved Adieu Les cons, Gazon maudit and Raw. Zone Blanche is also ridiculously great.

u mean the winners or the ceremony itself ahah? (both weren't that great idk, although the ceremony was hosted by antoine de caunes my meowmeow ksjksjksj)

last year i had seen most of the movies and it's so cool to watch award shows when you know about every movie, but this year i missed a lot of them and only watched the women directed ones so i was out of the loop for most wins, mostly for illusions perdues which won a bunch of categories but i still don't feel like watching it idk 😢 i had watched all the shorts but my favorite ones (des gens biens & le départ) didn't win, sobz. my fav animated short (le monde en soi) didn't win either but the actual winner (folie douce, folie dure) sounds dope, ngl. will watch it.

so happy that valerie lemercier got the best actress one tho, she's so funny she deserves it for her whole career,,, still gotta watch aline tho.

i'm also kind of disappointed la fracture didn't get many noms/wins because it was legit amazing and highlighted a huge systemic problem with french healthcare so idk if you'd relate as a foreigner but it's still a really powerful watch!! lots of anguish and despair, chef's kiss

on another note there's also a small polemic rn on filmtwt about the way the animated movie category got shortened and the winners' speeches were rushed by management, because the program was like 30 mins behind schedule. personally, that felt really wrong to me since animation already lacks room to exist in this ceremony and more generally it lacks recognition in french cinema. i just sat there trying to listen to the super important points the animators were trying to make while the crowd and host were ostentatiously annoyed at the speech being "too long"... it literally wasn't.

also disappointed for adam driver who came all the way here, sat through 3 hours of lame french jokes and didn't win anything 💀

there was a lot of positive things too tho, it was way less boring than other years, the sparks performed so may we start live (i sang my heard out ngl), omar sy was there and made people dance, xavier dolan read a tear-jerking homage letter to gaspard ulliel (dunno if you know who that is but he's an actor who recently died from an accident and it was so sudden and shocking coz he was only 37), cate blanchett's speech was admirable and she spoke french my love!! (even though she told people to shut the fuck up lmao that's going to be a meme on french twitter now)

the extra positive thing is that, despite getting many noms, bac nord didn't win anything, and that's great since neonazi scums reclaimed it almost immediately after it came out & the (white) director didn't want to clarify, nor admit his movie was political, nor acknowledge it had an obvious right-wing vibe about its depiction of poc and Paris' poor districts 🙄 i don't know if i'm gonna watch that one, regardless of the director's initial intentions, his reaction to justified criticism really bothers me, and so i'm glad it didn't win 'cause the nazis were like: >:(

anyway i think i'll add onoda, maalbeek, folie douce, folie dure, aline & le sommet des dieux to my watchlist. from the nominated movies i'd already seen, i'd recommend la fracture, the father (obvi) & annette (i hated most of the songs tho ksjksksksj). oh and also boîte noire was super cool and i love pierre niney!! (i might have said that already i think???)

--

i'm so glad you liked my previous recommendations, ah!!! was gazon maudit funny to you? i'm so scared the humor might get lost and the movie might feel weird to people from other cultures 😭 i'm especially glad you like zone blanche omg, even in francophone countries people don't talk often about it, smh.