#made these for discord emotes/stickers then i remembered what day it was

[thesilverinfinity]

Sparkle on!

It's Wednesday!

Don't Forget to be Yourself!

[leiascully]

X-Files OctoberFicFest Day 29: Pink Pilates Princess

y'all what happens in the discord filters out into tumblr in such weird ways @calimanc I hope you're happy

Mulder's hiding something from her. Scully is sure of it. He's taken to leaving at different times when he used to walk her out. Once she waited for him and he slipped into the garage by some other entrance and was gone by the time she made her way to his car.

So she follows him. Naturally.

Her car is so nondescript it might as well have a bumper sticker that says "I'm a Fed". She remembers being so proud when she bought it: something solid that would last. And it is, and it has, and it also looks exactly like the car a person would requisition to tail their errant partner. Which is what she's doing. She's slumped in the driver's seat outside a strip mall in Alexandria, eating a stick of beef jerky, because it's dinner time and she's hungry and instead of doing the sane, normal thing of going home and eating, she's stalking her colleague. Is he her superior? They've never really worked through all that. He's senior to her, technically, but everyone knows she's the responsible one.

Well, not when it comes to "who's responsible for this catastrophe?" The answer to that is usually a solid "Mulder".

This isn't the first time she's followed him. That's the real tragedy of it. He's usually not betraying her, but she's not interested in risking her career again, or her emotional stability. For better or worse, she and Mulder are involved to a degree that she's unable and unwilling to disentangle. Of course, that means she's hiding in her car on a Tuesday night giving herself hypertension, so who's the real loser?

He emerges at last from a store? A salon? She's really not sure. There's a brief glimpse of pink glitter and soft light. He's in a crowd of women, chatting amiably. And he's wearing pink fluffy slippers and pink short shorts and a pink tank top, and carrying something pink rolled up under his arm.

What. The fuck.

He glances over and she ducks down, but he's seen her. He knows her car anyway, even as anonymous as it is. It's like when she can pick out that one particular pigeon by the Hoover Building even though it looks the same as all the others. She turns the key enough to activate the electrical systems so she can roll down the window as Mulder approaches.

"To be fair, you've hidden things from me before," she says before he gets out a single word.

He raises an eyebrow. That's her move, dammit. "And hello to you, Scully."

"You've been avoiding me."

He sighs and tips his chin toward the passenger seat. "May I?"

She disengages the power locks with an audible click and he rounds the hood of her car and opens the passenger door, sliding in. The seat is already adjusted for his height.

"How's your stakeout going?" he asks affably. They both glance down at the Slim Jim's wrapper, a true sign that she's feeling stressed. "Guess I should have brought you an iced tea."

"You've been avoiding me," she accuses.

"Yeah." He sighs. "For some reason, I didn't want you to know I was doing Pilates at the Pink Princess Pilates studio. Imagine that."

"Why?" she asks. "Surely you didn't imagine I thought it was a threat to your masculinity."

He looks at his outfit, and then at her. His silence speaks volumes.

"Mulder, I assure you, if anything my perception of your malehood is enhanced by the very small shorts you're wearing." She thinks over what she said and then blushes. "I mean, they don't leave much to the imagination."

"Pilates was invented by a man, you know," he says.

"Yes, I know." She stares at him. "Between the two of us, I think you're the one who has a problem with the fact that you do Pilates."

"It's good for my core," he says mournfully.

Her mouth quirks. "And the fluffy slippers?"

"I wear the grippy socks," he says. "It's more convenient than shoes. And they made Midge laugh."

"Oh, as long as they made Midge laugh," she says.

"You'd like her," he tells her. "She's like the Skinner of Pilates. Stern. No-nonsense."

"I didn't tell you about Pilates because I felt silly," he says. "Not because I wanted to hide it from you."

"I think you make a beautiful pink princess," she says softly.

"Midge's daughter had breast cancer," Mulder says. "They sold these pink sets and the pink mats as a fundraiser for her treatment. She's okay now, but sometimes we have theme days."

"You've got a whole other Pilates life I never imagined," she says.

"Now you know all my secrets," he says with a crooked smile.

"All of them?" she teases. "Are you sure?"

He holds her gaze a few beats longer than necessary. What she sees in his eyes makes her heart thud. She wants to look away. She won't look away.

"All of them," he promises.

"You know," she says, "that color is actually really lovely on you."

"Is that so?"

It would look even better on my floor, she thinks about saying. "Are you hungry?"

He gestures at himself. "I don't think I'm dressed for dinner, Scully."

"Take out," she says. "Meet me at my place?"

"It's a date," he says, and the look he gives her as he slides out of her car feels like a kiss.

[sleeptokenpuppy]

Hi Sleep Token tumblr, it's me, Joey.

We are now less than 60 days from the start of the Teeth of God tour, when did that happen? What is time?! And moreover, WHO'S EXCITED??!?!!

Whether you managed to get tickets or not, you can contribute to making this tour special for fans and for the boys alike. Remember when Wembley lit up blue and beautiful during Atlantic?

Let's do that again, shall we?

Projekt Atlantic, the fan-made and fan-led light display project that started at Wembley, is ready to take on the Teeth of God tour, and I cannot wait to be part of it. At upcoming shows where Sleep Token will be headlining, not including festivals, we'll be coming together during one song per ritual to light up the crowd in appreciation.

At Red Rocks on May 12th, we'll be doing red lights for Chokehold.

Most other shows, we'll be doing blue lights for Atlantic.

There are a few shows where we'll be doing pink lights for The Love You Want Missing Limbs.

Check the pictures above to know what we're doing at your ritual!

On the day of the show, Projekt Atlantic volunteers will be handing out stickers to put over your phone's flashlight. During the chosen song, turn your flashlight on and hold it up!

Personally, seeing the footage and photos of all the blue lights in the crowd back in December floored me with emotion. And the fact that this is not just visually stunning, but also a respectful and non-invasive way to show our love and support, is beyond cool to me.

UK friends, they're already talking about the UK tour at the end of this year too, so you can jump in as well, don't be shy!

Questions? Want to join in the fun? We've got a discord server and we'd love to have you. Grab your lights and your stickers and join us in worship.

[chessalein]

Commissions are open!

Hello everyone!

I decided to open a few commission spots!

What do I offer and what does it cost? Good that you ask, let me show you what I have in store.

I will open 2 commission spots for each. 2 spost for chibis 2 for random stuff. Lets say you want a keychain design. Lets talk about it! 2 spots for portraits 2 sposts for Emotes or sticker.

If you take an emotes or sticker spot, please note that its not only for one emote or one sticker. Maximum is 6 and its 10€ per piece.

You want cute emotes made by me, but not for this price? Then keep an eye on my Esty store. I'm planing to make little emote packs for a smaller price. :) Contact me per DM or reach out to me if we share a discord! Have a great day and remember to drink enough water!

[b4bushka]

ganon again

The funniest fucking thing was when me and Hana were live-blogging (live-texting???) our ToTK playthrough and we both experienced the insane ganon smile and it was like...the funniest fucking shit, we made it into emote and sticker on discord and everything and just randomly kept sending it to each other AND LOSING OUR MINDS as it kept catching us off guard

and I remember one time I was going out and was walking, checked my discord and was jumpscared by that smile again and tried to not laugh (failed) while walking and

fast forward few days I am at my kung-fu training and my coach was like

"I saw you walking"

"You were laughing"

"you looked so happy what was that?"

"I was waving you didn't even notice me!"

[morganelise35]

I can’t sleep because I can’t get the night I met bit out my head.

As a last hoorah before my friends and I went off to uni we decided to go to a NoahFinnce gig. Half of my friends had never even heard of him. The other half of us had never heard of the band opening for him.

I’d heard Fresh Concrete in one roadtrip playlist my friend (the only one of us who can drive) made. The playlist is named Adventure Time. I didn’t really connect to fresh concrete. I was just a bit confused tbh.

On to the stage of the Manchester Deaf Institute walked Bears in Trees. I remember falling in love with the one in the middles dinosaur tshirt. I was also a bit confused because from the very little I did know about the bear band (from watching one or two of their tiktoks), I had assumed Nick was the lead singer.

I had never heard reverberate before but I found myself screaming the words I had only heard in that moment at my 3 best friends. It was joyous in ways I don’t think I’ll ever experience again.

Also the guy in the dinosaur shirt doing the whistley bit and having a little dancey dance to a song about flying to Alaska? Chefs kiss.

My friend had parked her car in the car park of a Mormon church? They only accepted cash. So after the Noah gig ended one friend and I convinced the security guard to let us back into the venue hoping the people at the merch stand would do some sort of cash back kinda thing so we could get change to pay. Alas I was too shy to ask to swap a card payment for cash and instead bought a bears in trees tshirt.

Iain was living their best life dancing away to the music the venue was playing through the speakers as Callum and co sold their merch. I was so surprised when I was given a free sticker. Nothing comes for free these days???? Iain may or may not have hinted about the arg after I (am ashamed to admit it) lied about being an active member of their discord. I joined the discord. Yes. But had nothing to add to any conversation because I had no idea what this bear band was about.

Fast forward to today and there is not a lot that brings me more happiness than BiTs music, what they represent, the community they’ve built, and the friends I’ve made through the sandbox.

I wear that tshirt whenever I’m feeling meh and it makes me feel not so meh.

And everybody else smiled back is a gorgeous album that makes me feel so many emotions and helped me realise the emotions I am feeling are actually okay to be felt? Thank you bears in trees for all you do. See you next month where I will know every single lyric and scream them back at you with as much passion as I did when I first heard them in Manchester.

(P. S I am now a full believer in fresh concrete supremacy )

[sourspaghetty]

neg. self evaluation?

at a time like this where I'm preventing myself from talking groups of friends on Discord that are not my classmates, I am feeling as though every moment I'm away from them (which is often) my friends are starting to dislike me more and more. the connection I have with them doesn't feel as strong as before, which is understandable since I'm not there lol, and I'm trying to not string that to them not considering me a friend anymore because... it's an irrational fear, but it's one that lingers the most in my heart and it's painfully real.

I don't wanna say it's dumb because invalidating my emotions is cringe but it brings me so much unnecessary emotional distress that I don't have the time to be dealing with right now. tumblr dot com is a temporary relief for me to get this off my mind bc I don't actually anticipate someone responding to me lol. another post lost in the dashboard, just how I like it! I truly appreciate the people who take the time to interact with me or send me a message though, even if it takes me 5 hours to respond. that shit freaks me out! it’s something that I desire deep down but still!! I'm too much of a coward in an emotional sense to take initiative for these types of things

maybe that's part of the problem, my unwillingness to talk during my "free time". I'm afraid of of how people would respond. that's probably why I enjoy tumblr's tagging system so much; no one's obligated to respond to anything. they're just like little sticky notes with likes being stickers. here, I feel like less of a person and more of an entity, and that... brings me joy... to only be perceived through a small window. twitter is scary, instagram is scary, everything that involves me having to get personal with other people is scary. it almost feels like they're watching my every move. that absurd part of me is starting to regret my art blog on tumblr since it's starting getting attention and... I don’t know. on one hand, I do like the fact that people are enjoying my art but at the other hand, it’s very personal. it’s for me. I don’t want to be catering some sort of audience! that’s part of the reason why I made my twitter 18+, so I get less of an audience to focus on me but I still want some attention... something that I also need to wrap my head around is that this isn’t necessarily the case. there are people who enjoy ME being ME through my art. that’s crazy! I need to stop thinking about this.

I guess I'm afraid of being emotionally vulnerable and expose too much about myself to others I say this as I pour my heart out into this post lmfao. the amount of social withdrawal I feel when not interacting with people makes my heart want to jump out of my chest. this is what I'm feeling now, I think....

social withdrawal... dopamine... I'm addicted to the pleasure I get when interacting with people. it makes me lose control of my work life.. oh....! I'm afraid to get experiencing that joy again bc I have stuff I need to do! duh! one day I will find a proper balance to that. the week before finals week is not the time. I’ll try and remember this hopefully.

going back on topic, I'm jealous of the majority of my friends not being wrapped up with work and having more opportunities to hang out with each other compared to me. I want to talk to them, I want to play games with them, I want to be with them again like back in the days! I want to interact with new people and play with them too!! I love making new friends, even if we're just mutuals! of course there's nothing I can do about it besides wallow in misery with school stuff piling onto me everyday. after all, I'm the one who put myself through this by enrolling in university lol.

I know there are other people who miss me like I miss my main group of friends. I'm trying to keep that in mind and not hyperfocus on a handful of people once I have availability. there are people who need me more than the ones I want to interact with immediately. I have other people that I care about besides my main group of friends. 

one thing that I need to do for sure though, stop lurking in my group chats during my busy times. no wonder you feel like this, dummy. you’re just watching people have fun instead of joining them whenever you can. plus you haven’t ate/drank in 4 hours. take care of yourself!

you're so loved!

[aeori-o]

So long 2019!

I usually try and get these up December 31st not January 1st but, really, it’s 24 hours apart, does it really matter?

End of a year! And end of a decade!

I usually go over my yearly reading first. I wanted to get the “bad” out of the way first this time. This year I continued to stagnate creatively. I haven’t drawn anything since Qelvi back in January of 2018. I have written but mostly in role-plays with Vin and the other stuff I haven’t tracked very well. I don’t know how to track it in a way that’s clear and also easy to remember.

In the past my goals going into the new year have always been along the line of “do a little of  [thing] every day” and that is super not working for me. So this year I’m going to try and change it up. For writing all I want to do is a five minute, free-flow, unplanned just-put-pen-to-paper-and-write based off a prompt. That should be do-able as there’s no pressure of it having to be connected to a larger work. There’s no planning and thus no pressure except to take five minutes and do it. I think in the past I’ve tried to do that in addition to x amount of words or pages per day. I’m just gonna scale it back and see if I can get myself to do the bare minimum consistently and see where that goes.

As for drawing. Ideally I’d like to do a little bit every day so I can actually get better at it, but as that’s been my goal for the last several years and I have not done it even a little bit these past two years I’m going to change my goals for drawing up, as well. Instead of trying to do anything consistently I’m just going to make it my goal to do one drawing a month. That’s it. I don’t need to show it to anyone, or post it, or whatever. Just one drawing I can consider “complete” every month. Complete doesn’t need to be polished I just don’t want to do nothing again and this seems do-able. We’ll see how it turns out at the end of the year.

Reading! My goal was to read 100 books this year and then I got sucked into playing Fortnite halfway through the year and basically read nothing in May. I read as much as I did last year, so I’m not torn up about the amount I read, but just once I do want to read 100 books in a year. (Not counting graphic novels, because I read through them too quickly and it doesn’t feel the same as reading a novel). So next year will be attempt number 2 at reading 100 in a year because I don’t think I should give up after not meeting it once. Life happens, sometimes we play more video games than we should, I still read 78-book-books and 63 graphic novels. For a total of 141 books. Which is pretty good, I can’t be upset at that number.

Part of my goal for 100 books this year, too, will be to slim down my at-home to-be-read pile, which is currently taking up seven shelves and must be stopped. I say this but I already have five more books on hold at the library. Whoops.

Here’s everything I read this year that I inputted into goodreads:

My one hour a day reading calendar (this year I started trying to add dots for every book completed on the day of completion, but I think I missed days, gonna do that some more this year, too, I like it):

And my goodreads badge:

2019 was a pretty wild year, there were some unexpected and costly hiccups. One of my cats went missing for a week; the other got struvite crystals and his bladder nearly exploded; My ancient AV receiver kicked it and on top of those things being expensive there was a whole thing where the new one seemed to be messing up my TV, it was a time; I got rear-ended on the freeway which thankfully didn’t wind up costing me anything except for a lot of stress, some minor pain, and over two weeks without a vehicle. None of these turned out to be that bad, in the end, and thankfully spread out enough that I didn’t just expire from stress.

There was a lot of good this year, too. I got to bring my partner skiing for the first time ever, and for my first time in a very long time (I don’t know when the last time I went skiing was, back when I was in highschool maybe?). I expanded my plushie collection by A Lot this year. I have cute eevee plushes, and some really soft pillow plushes now, and beeb got me a little corsola who I would Die for.

I’ve been more involved with pokemon go. I technically found the group I play with at the end of 2018 (right at the end, it was in December during the community weekend and someone from the group saw me doing circles hitting the same pokestops over and over and was like “hey… wanna join our group?”), but 2019 was the first full year with them. It’s been really nice to reliably be able to get stronger/rarer pokemon and just have a general sense of community. It’s neat because it’s not like I’m close friends with any of these people, but they’re all good people and I like seeing them. I know virtually nothing about any of them, but still, it’s nice.

I also got super into stickers this year (I blame you, beeb) and since my laptop only has so much room I’ve taken to adding stickers to my car. I don’t want to go overboard but I love all the ones I’ve added so far and now that my bumper looks better than new I think my car looks pretty slick.

I started keeping a video-game journal at the beginning of this year, which has been really satisfying and I’m going to keep doing it. I always struggle to remember how much time I sink into games and what happens in this games. Being able to flip through and see all of what I played, when I played it, and what was going on is interesting.

Also got a new phone this year. I didn’t get the latest and greatest but usually when I’ve needed a new phone due to a previous one being busted I have found myself inheriting whatever phone someone else doesn’t want (for the most part). This is the first phone I’ve gone out of my way to get because mine was just not performing well and I have no regrets.

I have a huge issue with upgrading to a new device when my old ones are perfectly serviceable. For instance: the computer I am writing this on is twelve years old. It’s slow but it works for what I need. This computer isn’t even from the past decade, which is pretty wild to me. In thinking about the past decade this computer has been through it all with me.

I guess I’m moving onto the decade now. I was just thinking that this computer still has msn/wlm on it. There’s a dedicated button on my keyboard for it. I hit it and I can see the last icon I ever used on there (I used to change icons constantly, which is a thing I do not do anywhere anymore), as well as the theme I had in place. Absolutely wild. In the last decade(ish) we all abandoned msn/wlm, got skype, abandoned skype when it became a bloated, ad-filled disaster, and got onto telegram, discord, and the dms of various social media websites. (Which I suck at using as if I’m a person three times my age.) In 2010 we were on the iPhone 4 and basically every android sucked, now we’re on the iPhone 11 and androids are a viable option for a phone. Console generations are slower and mess with my perception of time. In the last decade we’ve only gone up one console generation which feels weirdly slow but then when I contemplate any company releasing a new console I inevitably feel it hasn’t been nearly long enough.

On a more personal note, I definitely cannot remember even most of the things that have happened in the last decade. I know I’ve read about five hundred books (closer to six hundred including graphic novels) because I’ve been tracking that since 2011. I’ve been tracking what I read for about a decade.

Left is books by year, middle is graphic novels by year, and right is the total of both.

I became decent at excel in the past few years. I went from not understanding this program at all to trying to find excuses to use it. I used to track all my reading in a notepad document, it looked like this:

As you can see: I only switched over in 2017. And it used to be a total pain because I would have to count all of the dates by hand. Hope I didn’t miscount. Then I’d be looking at my goodreads count and trying to figure out if that made sense against my personal count because I also didn’t count graphic novels as book-books back then and would sometimes mark them on goodreads. So I’d have to figure out how many I had inputted to goodreads to then make sure the two counts reconciled. It was a total nightmare. Now the computer counts for me.

And the reason I even became interested in excel is because of DnD which I have also gotten into in the last decade. It’s one of those things I had always been interested in but had no way to play or had false starts. A group came together a few years ago and we did some of the most fun, fulfilling, and emotional group-role-playing I have ever experienced. Our group has kind of disbanded now, and I’m trying to work on a campaign myself, but our first campaign is definitely one of the things I really cherish from the past few years. It’s definitely a highlight of the decade.

Speaking of meaningful role-plays. I got with my partner in the last decade, too. I’d feel weird getting all gushy about them here, but we’ve been doing written role-plays since before we figured out that we were a thing. They’re a constant source of inspiration to me and the things we create together are some of my favourite things in the world. At times there have been lulls between the things we make that really grab both of us, but this past year we started an AU of some of our characters and I think it’s safe to say we’re both in love with our little creation. Roach Squad is definitely the highlight of 2019 and I suspect it will continue to be the highlight of 2020. I don’t think we’ll be as aggressively into them by the time 2030 rolls around, but our original boys have persisted for the better part of the last decade (the Boys have been a thing since 2013 and we are still enjoying them, so I don’t doubt Roach Squad will persist, as well, but I imagine the next decade will give us a third group that we’re consumed with).

I’ve lost some friends in the past decade, and made some new, but find I don’t have the time to stay caught up with as many people as I used to. That used to be a thing I was good at. Toward the beginning of this decade, I’d regularly keep-up with at least a dozen people (by which I mean: talking to them daily). Now that number is at… maybe three or four people who I interact with daily (not counting group chats of which there is one). But if you’re reading this and we haven’t spoken in a while (“a while” could be years, honestly) and nothing really happened we just sort of stopped talking or hanging out: I still care about you. I hope your 2019 was more good than bad and that you have nice things to look back on in the last decade. Also hit me up, if you want to.

Overall I think the last decade has been pretty good. I’m thankful for all the good times with friends I’ve been able to have, all the sushi eaten and talks on long car rides. I’m thankful for the help I’ve gotten with housing and car situations that would have been outrageously stressful if I’d been dealing with them on my own. I’m thankful for all the creative people I’ve been able to meet and interact with, all the character ideas and moments we’ve shared through written role-plays, tabletop role-plays, and art.

 I hope the next decade can be as socially and creatively fulfilling as the last!

And at the end here, because I never do this and then I always look back and go “what even were my goals” I’m going to make a handy list of goals-discussed:

Draw one thing a month

Write for five minutes every day from an unplanned prompt

Read 100 books and continue with my one hour a day reading

Get my DnD campaign off the ground and keep it going (I don’t think I explicitly mentioned this above, but it’s a goal this year)

[camera-len]

from the day that inspired this narrative i wrote:

Chicago, Summer ‘16

Waking up in the city, on any floor higher than the third or fourth, has a very distinct feeling to me. Something about the atmosphere just...transfixes me. The contrast of the honey glow from the sunrise against the bright white hotel linens and minimalistic interior decor. The unfamiliar sight of bold red letters reading 6:00 AM at my bedside. The lack of drowsiness and dread normally present if I were ever awake at this hour. The view of the buildings, partially faded through the layer of glass I observed it from; the landscape in front of me like an exhibit in an aquarium or zoo, and me watching awestruck through the viewing tank. I had just been on an airplane for a solid two hours the day before; literally up in the clouds, soaring through nothing and above everything. Who knew that being on the twenty-second floor of your everyday Hyatt hotel could feel like being on top of the world? Though I spent a lot of my days at my small home in the mountains using my thoughts to project myself anywhere else but there, it was moments like these that made me grateful to have a rural hometown; taking on an urban perspective became much more compelling. I sat on the edge of the bed, one that was incredibly comfortable and worthy of hours of slumber, but oddly enough, the last thing on my mind was the desire to sleep. This was my second day in Chicago, for the second summer in a row now. Not that it was a tradition or anything, more like a pleasant coincidence of consecutive trips; last year my aunt was visiting from the Philippines and after she stayed with us for a while, we had to drive her up to Chicago where she would reside for a month, for business purposes. And this year, my dad’s annual statistician’s conference also happened to take place in the Windy City. After the news of this second visit was broke to me early in the summer, I spent the duration of those first two months still anchored in my small hometown, amidst the breathing trees and flowering plants in rich soil, but my mind was longing for the lofty buildings and crowded concrete. When the end of July came and we boarded the plane, the short flight almost felt more like a drive going back home - as if for the past year, actually being home was being on vacation. Being in Chicago bears a sense of belonging for me, one that I can’t seem to really pinpoint. The minimal days I have spent here, admiring the architecture, taking advantage of the culture and of course the food, have been enough for me to develop a deep-seated love for not just the city, but this city in particular. I don’t know what it was exactly that grasped my attention; my affinity seemed to have developed from a series of ‘love at first sight’ moments. It was the very first drive through the city, in 2015; my hair was shorter and I still had braces wired to my teeth and a different pair of glasses, which gleamed against each passing light. It was when I looked across the horizon and did not see mountains, but instead of seeing empty space; instead of seeing an absence of familiarity, I saw the frame fill with possibility and substance I took interest in. It was each time a famous monument or tourist hotspot introduced itself to me, most of them conveniently placed within walking distance of each other. It was waking up alone in the king sized bed of my godmother’s apartment, on around the twentieth floor, to the satisfying glow of a city view from a large window, framed by exposed brick. It was the white noise of cars and people and existence - not as discordant as that of New York City - perceived by my ears like birds singing in the early morning. It was that atmosphere, that feeling, that struck me as momentous. Chicago was a totally new sensory experience for me that I wanted to welcome again. Everything just felt so fitting. A year later, my attraction remained; I inhaled the Illinois air once again and it felt like taking the first breath after waking up. I guess it wasn’t necessarily ‘love at first sight’ moments that I was experiencing - that seemed a bit too clichéd - it was more like ‘comfort at first sight.’ I drew parallels between this year and the year before; new instances ignited past emotions. The first drive through the city, in 2016, as soon as we’ve concluded at the airport; my hair was long and I was dressed in all black. Recognizing all the landmarks I had met before. Seeing this world through my sister’s fresh eyes, this being my second trip here but her first. As I sat in the hotel, I took in my surroundings and embraced the essence of it all. This was only day two of the five I would be spending in Chicago, but it wasn’t just another day. My family surprisingly did not have a plan for what today would consist of. No step-by-step itinerary, no strict schedule; that was more than alright, because there was only one thing that mattered to me that was set in stone. Today my enthusiasm for this city was combining with an enthusiasm of a greater degree. Not only did my dreams and potential future live here in Chicago, but so did my friend Connor. We were ‘friends’ as in one of my best friends had known him for some years, and through that mutual friend we were ‘acquainted’ with each other and thus emerged our friendship. We communicated solely through texting, social media, and phone calls, but were good friends nonetheless. The moment I found out I’d be stopping by the city again, plans were set into motion, and as the period between the present and the time when we would meet gradually got shorter, my excitement heightened. This just became another incentive for me to visit Chicago again. One month faded into one week and then into one day. It was surreal getting up and finally being able to think, “today is the day.” The morning of the fateful day was a self-established rush; I found myself continuously sprinting between the bathroom and the vanity mirror by the window as I got ready. For a moment, I forgot about the beauty of my environment and had to focus on myself. My fully-dressed parents stood there, watching me in my frantic state, waiting as patiently as they could. I was feeling so much stress and pressure, despite how I had claimed this place was an oasis of contentment and ease. Exiting the hotel, that underlying feeling that I had forgotten something was weighing on me. I prepped myself with pessimistic warnings: something’s going to go wrong. The universe is going to throw a curveball at you; this will not be as fulfilling as you’ve made it out to be. This made for a restless bus ride. My concept of time was inconsistent: was time moving too fast or too slow? At around 11:15 Central Time, we arrived in front of The Bean. I might have just been waking up at this time if I was home, but not here; the city was awake and loud with color and life. As the bus stopped with a hiss and we stepped off, the relentless sun greeted us unwelcomely. I was drawn to the massive, shining Bean immediately, not out of fascination, but because my instincts took me towards the nearest shade I could find. I stared up at the distorted reflections of dozens of tourists nestled under the sculpture with me and saw patterned visuals, warped and metallic, imagining what alluring photographs they would make. My camera was at hand; normally I would be using it, but waiting there under the scorching sun, my anxiety was absolutely overwhelming, washing out any other current thoughts or impulses. Suddenly, I needed space. I needed time. I needed to take a reality check. I made a brisk walk to the nearby bathrooms and I felt like a nervous young tourist; it made me uneasy, I wanted - needed to feel happy, comfortable, at home. In the bathroom, the swift wave of cooler air was a relief; I set my bag on the sparkling black linoleum, glad no one else was occupying the space with me. I made those last-minute touches that slipped my mind in the hotel. I went to the bathroom, sprayed on some perfume, and fixed my hair, which today was tame but still just as thick; pulling some of it back with a hair tie. I took the brisk walk back to The Bean in a more collected fashion, immediately planting myself in the shade of the park’s trees, where I could sit and ensure that my hair wouldn’t get too frizzy. Connor wouldn’t be there for quite some time, but just in case, I had to keep my eyes peeled, looking around and checking everything in the surrounding area. Every boy in the dense mass of people held the possibility of being him. I had never been this antsy while waiting for anything. I unpacked my bag, pulling out the few presents I had for him, before putting them back in one at a time. Bundle of Pokémon cards. T-shirt. CD (The Strokes, Angles). Stickers. Card. Balling up my long-sleeved button up, which served a questionable purpose in this heat, thinking, thinking, can’t stop thinking. I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe this is actually happening. This situation is so surreal. How will I know when he’s here? What will it be like when we meet? At some point my sister went off on her own; she was spending her day at the Art Institute, on her own excursion. I was still deep in my thoughts, imagining them as a pool to swim through to combat the humid weather. I don’t remember the exact moment, I don’t remember the exact thought that ran through my mind, but my attention was caught - with a pinch, a slight alert. There he was. I saw him. In the distance. I saw him, with my eyes; a physical three-dimensional being, walking right in front of me. At first it was just another guy that I happened to lay my eyes on, but there were features that were too distinguishable for me to not recognize: light greenish blond hair, quarter sleeve baseball shirt and jeans, skateboard on his back. There was a delay in how my mind registered who that was, but before I could even think about it I found words leaving my mouth, “Is that him? Oh my god! That’s him, right there! OH MY GOD,” and my parents had no response, obviously they didn’t care as much. I watched him walk over to the other side of the grassy expanse, looking down at his phone - probably texting me - before he sat on an opposing ledge, back facing me. 11:33, I received the text: “I’m here”. I quelled the urge to just run over to him, what was once hundreds of miles away was now just a couple of feet. I’m not usually one for phone calls, but I was on the phone in an instant, and not even waiting for him to pick up or say a word, I said, “I SEE YOU. TURN AROUND,” he turned, but not in the right direction; “no completely around, turn all the way around,” and when I said that, he did accordingly, and that was the moment we were both seeing each other for the first time. In a dreamlike haze, we exchanged waves and after what might have been the fastest goodbye possible, my feet were ahead of the rest of my body and I ran towards him for a hug. Letting out an enthusiastic “Connor!”; we met in the middle, “I have something for you,” I laughed, handing him a card with the same words printed on the front (and “you’re holding it” on the inside). This wasn’t a particularly phenomenal embrace, but in this instant, as Connor laughed in response, everything was alright and nothing mattered. ‘Comfort at first sight’; this was that again. Usually, when I highly anticipate any event, it decides to veer away from my expectations and I end up disappointed. It was not often that my anxiety was answered with solace. It was August 1st, 2016, and the long, impending countdown in my head was now over. There I was, getting lunch and sitting in the park with a friend that I never thought I would ever meet. On this day, I was allowed to roam the city streets, alone with someone who was technically a stranger. I had no idea where we were going or how to get around, nor was I sure of what we were doing and what I wanted to do, but all I knew was that I was in Chicago and I was welcome here. The bustling streets didn’t feel unfamiliar. The pulsating crowds of city goers didn’t intimidate me. The guy by my side, who I had never spent time with before in my life, did not make me feel uncomfortable. Colossal structures towered over me and I did not feel small. It wasn’t just another day. But it was as if...I was home and I was just spending another regular day here, hanging out with a friend that I had known for years. The uncertain path we took, which included us nearly getting lost, felt almost routine. Somehow - whether it was over the span of these two years I had visited or in the matter of the hours passed as I was with Connor - a city so foreign to me genuinely became my favorite place to be. I now know that it is possible to fall in love with something you have only met twice. And that it is also possible to experience an entire lifetime of friendship within the period of meeting someone for the first time. In this city, I experienced some firsts that I knew would not be lasts. I hoped I could come back and pick up where I left off once again, the feelings I felt being far too significant and impactful to abandon here in this time and place. I will always remember this occasion; these days in Chicago, Illinois in the summer of ‘16. Last year, I had left part of my heart in Chicago and finally, we had reunited.

[meowgetsproductive]

Day 2 Resolutions

Yesterday was so nice getting into the flow of doing resolutions again, that today I’m inspired to continue the trend.

Reflecting on yesterday, which was a big success, I realised something was missing from the complete victory.

I haven’t watched a movie.

I hadn’t done anything fun or creative that made my heart sing.

It was kind of sad, to have arrived at the end of the day, having accomplished everything and still feeling like you haven’t done anything fun.

So, this morning, I added an 8th resolution to round out my core seven:

8) Do something fun, playful, relaxing or new (10 minutes)

That makes my resolution list for 2020 be:

Projects 1) Edit or write 1000 words a day (currently: M39 Novel) 2) Go to gym every 2nd day (current: pass fitness test) 3) Do one course exercise a day (current: Artist’s Way) 4) Progress 1 chore a day (current: renew passport)

Habits 5) write morning diary daily (emotions) 6) stretch daily (body) 7) Meditate daily (spirit) 8) Do something fun, playful, relaxing or new (novelty)

Let’s begin!

I’m a night owl, I woke at 10am. By the time I had breakfast and brushed my teeth, it is noon right now. Also, I got my online friend, Squirtle (like the pokemon) with me on discord, and we’ll be doing 25 minute pomodoros to get ourselves moving.

Pomodoro technique is a productivity technique where you focus on a task for 25 minutes uninterrupted, and then have a 5 minute break. Then repeat.

The day feels very different when I have a virtual friend “studying” with me. It’s a very different vibe compared to working solo.

Normally, after breakfast and brushing teeth etc, I’d do the morning pages diary first. However, as I was brushing my teeth and listening to music, I didn’t want the current song to stop, which inspired me to start off the resolutions with stretching instead. I always stretch to music, and I really feel like listening to some more songs.

6) stretch daily (body)

Next, I feel like rambling, and thinking hard. Diary is perfect for this.

I usually put chakra chanting as background ambience while I diary. It adds a nice spiritual dimension to what can be considered a mundane activity.

Doing the diary didn’t feel hard, although the 25 min pom ran out where I was 5 lines from finishing, which was a little annoying, as I had to take a 5 min break before resuming. Sometimes when you work with a friend on a timer, it can interrupt flow if the timer doesn’t allow for neat chunks of work to be done.

5) write morning diary daily (emotions) 

In the diary, I was discussing what order I might do the resolutions today, and I got excited about doing the course exercise of all things, which I usually get done dead last. It’s only 10 min, so I’m gonna do that next. Don’t forget to reward yourself as you go, such as give yourself a nice glittery sticker like I do!

I went for a little longer than 10min because the time ran out and I was close to finishing the exercise. I was continuing yesterday’s Artist’s Way exercise where it was asking me to list wishes in various life areas, such as career, relationships and leisure. I spent a little more time and got spirituality wishes listed too, which completed this particular exercise.

3) Do one course exercise a day (current: Artist’s Way) 

What’s next? I want to finish all the little tasks first, so that I can focus on big tasks uninterrupted. That makes meditation the next item on the to-do (easy wins, remember?).

But first, lunch.

I got a really important phone call just after lunch, which lasted 40min. Now I feel like I don’t have much time to waste, so off to the meditation! The trick is to not debate about whether to start the task or not, but just do it. For me, that would be grab the timer and sit on the floor. If I do that, I will end up meditating.

I grab the timer and sit on the floor. 10 min meditation starts now.

I really struggled to meditate this time. I had so many thoughts racing. At one moment I caught myself writing a letter of apology in my head. At another point, I was trying to solve a problem in a piece of writing. I tried to reign in the thoughts but the flood of them was so strong my control instantly shattered. I didn’t try to be quiet the thoughts after that, I couldn’t do it. I did pay attention to my breathing while the thoughts did their thing in the background. I just tried not to focus on them too much.

7) Meditate daily (spirit) 

Next, I I have only two items left, the chore and daily writing (the gym isn’t on the list today cuz I gymmed yesterday). I’m gonna start with the chore, which today is editing a friend’s writing in preparation for Sunday’s meeting. It’s about 2,200 words long. I estimate it would take me an hour and a half to comment.

It took 1 hour and 10 minutes to comment. Luckily this work was an enjoyable read. It would’ve been much harder to edit if it was slow or uninspiring. I was able to focus the entire time, not checking email etc. Fantastic!

4) Progress 1 chore a day (current: renew passport)

Now it’s just the daily writing left. I feel pretty exhausted though. I think I might have a longer break to read or chill out to give my brain a rest, before starting what is essentially another editing session, where it’s a lot harder because it’s my own writing and I often hardly know what I meant when I wrote it, haha.

I decided to do the item eight, relax, in hopes of cheering myself up. Item eight today is watch Iron Man, one of my favourite movies. I got sidetracked watching youtube videos though, and then I did put the movie on, but I didn’t realise how long the movie was, and by the time it finished it was super late. Yeah, I didn’t account for that very well. Let’s see if I can write a little bit, a token effort, maybe 500 words instead of 1,000.

Luckily I was able to concentrate despite the late hour and did 600 words, which took me 1h 15min. Good job!

That’s it, that’s all the resolutions done! Hooray! This deserves a sticker!

How did you go with your goals today?