#mackenzie catches up on spn

[janicho88]

When It All Falls Apart- Chapter 5

Pairing- Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 5,709

Warnings- Some language. Jensen isn't the best boyfriend. I warned before this started posting it would contain angst, if you need another reminder, here it is. If I missed something let me know!

A/N-You all knew this part was coming sooner or later, some of you even called for it. Starting with this chapter, we'll start to see things from Jensen's side also. A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural.  Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns.  Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right?  While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere.  Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

Jensen takes the rare opportunity to sleep in Sunday morning and is the last one down to breakfast.  His sister and her husband Jeremy have already arrived and are sitting at the table with his parents.

“Did someone have a late night?” Mackenzie teases him.

“Not too bad.  Just taking advantage of catching up on some sleep,” he answers with a yawn.

“What did you and Y/N do yesterday?” his mom asks him.

“I didn’t see her yesterday.  I was meeting with Steve, and we had a few people to go see.  Trying to work out deals for a project.”

“What did she do then?” his mom tries again.

“Not a clue, I didn’t talk to her yesterday.  I was kind of busy.  Why the sudden interest in her day?”

He is filling his coffee cup and doesn’t see the looks exchanged around the table.

“Is everything alright with you two?” His dad questions.

“It’s fine.”

“Yeah, sounds like it,” he doesn’t hear his sister mutter.

Josh and his family arrive after breakfast, while Jensen is upstairs showering.  He misses the kids and his brother coming in to wish his dad a ‘Happy Father’s Day.’  When Jensen comes back down everyone is sitting in the living room with the kids playing in the middle of the floor.  He takes his phone out to take a picture of his nephews and notices a missed text from Gen, making a note to read it later, he snaps a few shots of the boys.

His family asks him questions about work, and what he has been up to.  He inquires about each of them.  They grill out for a late lunch before he has to leave for the airport.  His mom walks out to the rental car with him.

“You’re sure everything is alright?  You aren’t hiding something so we won’t worry?”

“No, it’s all fine mom.”

“Even with Y/N?”

“Yeah. I do have to get going to catch my flight.  It was good to see all of you.”

“I’m glad you could make it home, even for a short visit.  Your dad enjoyed seeing all of you for Father’s Day.”

He’s double checking his suitcase for his passport and not really listening to his mom at the moment, “Yeah, sure I’ll try and make it home then.”

“What?” Donna asks.

Finding his passport, Jensen stands to give his mom one last hug.  “Good to see all of you.  Take care, love you ma.”

While sitting on the plane waiting for the rest of the passengers to load, Jensen takes out his phone and lazily scrolls through it.  He remembers the message he missed from Gen early and opens that conversation, checking the date, he sees it is actually from yesterday.

‘Did you forget something today Ackles?????????????’

“I don’t know Gen, did I forget something?” he mutters to himself, while just replying with question marks of his own.

 Next he pulls up Instagram, it takes him a moment to realize he is seeing multiple posts about Father’s Day.

‘It’s not Father’s Day,’ he thinks to himself, ‘that’s not until the middle of June.”

There is a voice over the intercom telling all passengers to turn off electronics before Jensen has a chance to think more about the holiday or the date.  He goes over the next script for ‘The Boys’ and notes from the meetings with Steve the day before, never giving the date another thought. 

Your Sunday is spent with your parents and Jared’s family.  You and Gen get up to make a big breakfast for everyone.  Tom has homemade cards for his dad and grandpa he places on the table.  Your mom comes down, and helps the two of you finish it all up.

Jared and your dad take Tom out to the park for some male bonding time after breakfast.  Gen, your mom and yourself move to the living room.

 While they are talking babies you excuse yourself to go for a walk.  You are hoping it will help all the thoughts running around your head.  You pass Jensen’s house and pause.  You can’t help but think that he has already started to move on without you.  You’re the one who just hasn’t caught up with the times yet.

On Monday, Jared and Gen have meetings for Walker, so you are hanging out with Tom.   You are used to working twelve to fourteen hour days on set, but somehow this little man wears you out more than those do.  The two of you play outside on the swing set, he has you chase him during a long game of tag, you’re in the pool and back inside rolling toy cars around on the floor.  When your sister-in-law returns you happily hand your nephew back.

Jensen is on set Tuesday, when Jack is talking to some of the other cast members about his parents’ visit over the weekend.  

“They haven’t been to Toronto in awhile and decided to use visiting for Father’s Day as an excuse to come up this weekend.”

“If they were coming for Father’s Day, why did they come this past weekend?” Jensen asks him.

A few people turn and look at him. “Father’s Day was this past weekend,” Chase tells him.

“No, it wasn’t, it couldn’t have been.”

Others are also confirming this.  Jensen doesn’t have his phone with him, or his watch on.  

“What’s the date?” he asks his cast mates.

“21st of June.  Everything all right mate?” Karl asks sitting across the board from him.

“Son of a bitch,” Jensen yells out, “I missed Y/N’s birthday.  It was the 18th.”

He gets up from his chair to head to his trailer where his phone is to call you, but is called to set before he has the chance to get very far.  It’s after 2 am before they wrap for the night, he’s beat just going straight home and falling asleep.

He forgot to set his alarm before collapsing in bed, when he rolls over Wednesday morning and looks at the clock he has to move it.   He has maybe ten minutes before he needs to be leaving the apartment for set.  

Once he arrives he is sent straight to hair and makeup before being ushered to wardrobe.  His PA takes his bag back to his trailer for him.  When they break for lunch he is in the middle of a discussion with Karl and Anthony that completely distracts him.  He makes a quick stop by his trailer before he has to be back on set.  Pulling his phone out of his bag he sees a missed call from you.

“Son of a bitch, I still haven’t talked to her,” he growls out.  He tries calling back, but just reaches your voicemail. He hangs up and throws his phone back in the bag before returning to set.

Wednesday, you finally relent and call Jensen. He never has time to talk long so you make the call on your way to the studio to redo some voice over work for the Netflix show that just wrapped. You shouldn’t be surprised that it ends up going straight to voicemail.  The plane ticket you received for your birthday is to fly out Friday morning, you figure you should probably tell Jensen you are coming up.  Who knows, maybe just showing up would actually get you some time with him.  Leaving your phone in the car you walk into the studio.

Coming back to your car two hours later, you check your phone for messages before leaving the parking lot.  You have to reread the name when you see you have a missed call from Jensen, it’s rare he calls you back this quick lately or even at all.  Hitting the call button you once again get his voicemail, this time you leave a message.

“Hey Jay, I just wanted to tell you Jared and Gen got me a ticket to fly up to Toronto.  I’ll be landing around 2:30 Friday afternoon.  I’ll talk to you later, have a good day.”

Getting back to your brother’s place you are busy the rest of the night.  The two of them went out with a friend of Gen’s and you volunteered to watch Tom.  The little man has a lot of energy to burn tonight.  When you finally get him down, you start going through clothes in your room to take with you this weekend.

In Toronto, Jensen has finally wrapped for the night.  Today’s scenes were a bit…well, what one would come to expect from The Boys.  There is a knock on his trailer door as he’s finishing changing out of his costume.  Chase and Jack are on the other side.

“Hey, we’re going out with Karl for a drink after that mess.  You in?”

“Definitely, let me grab my bag,” he tells them.

One drink turns into a couple and they are out for a few hours.   In the cab on the way back to his place, Jensen pulls out his phone to check his call time for the next day.  Seeing a voicemail message, he tells himself he’ll listen to it tomorrow when he’s in better shape.  Clearing the notification he checks his calendar before turning off the phone. 

Thursday has a noon call time, and sees them filming until two in the morning on location.  It was almost four am before he got to bed.  Walking up after ten the next morning he has a new voicemail notification.  He listens to the call from the director on a schedule change for the weekend.  Because Eric is going to be in town for a few days and they want the big man on set for the shooting of certain scenes, they are going to be moved up to this weekend. 

Then his phone tells him he has a missed message. “Who'd I miss?” he mumbles to himself.  When he hears your message, his eyes go wide in surprise, “crap.”

Just as he’s hanging up from the voicemail, the phone rings with your name popping up.

“Hey pretty girl,”

“Hi Jay, how are you?”

“Fine, tired.  I just got your message.  Are you sure you really want to?”

He hears the tired sigh you let out, “I’m at the airport, waiting for the plane.  If you don’t want me to come up there, tell me now.”

“I don’t know how much time I’ll have to spend with you.”

“We aren’t spending any time together currently, whatever I can get this weekend is better than that.”  You just hear him groan over the line.  “If you want me to call Jared to come pick me back up I will.”

“No.  When do you get in?”

“The plane’s scheduled to land around 2:40, then I have to clear customs.”

“I have to be on set, I’m not going to be able to meet you.”

“Okay, I can take a cab over to the studio.”

“No, just come back to the apartment. I’ll leave a spare key in an envelope with the receptionist,” he tells you.

“Okay.  See you soon. Love you.”

“Yeah, love ya.”

His head falls back against the pillow as he hangs up.  His easy weekend is now going to be a bit more complicated. 

At the airport in Austin, you sit back against the hard seat with a sigh.  This was off to a rocky start and the plane hasn’t even boarded yet.  Thankfully the flight itself was an easy one.  After making your way through customs you exit the building to try and find a cab.  

When you arrive at his apartment building, you need to show your ID in order to pick up the envelope he left with the key.  The doorman shows you up, at least Jensen remembered to tell him you were coming before he left.  

Opening the apartment door, you take a look around.  It’s fairly empty, but you shouldn’t be surprised.  Jensen is only going to have this place a few months. You take your suitcase down the hall, you think this is the way to the bedroom.  It’s the second door you try.  There is a photo of you and Jensen on his nightstand, it gives you some hope seeing it there. Taking a few things out of your bag, you then explore the apartment.  It’s a little bit of a mess, so you spend some time tidying it up.  The fridge is empty, so you go down to inquire about the nearest grocery store.  It isn’t too far away, so you decide to walk over.  With your hands full, you take a cab back to the apartment.

There are a few items to put away in the cupboard, you make a few meals to freeze that Jensen can thaw later, then prepare pasta, salad and bread for dinner.  All this time you haven’t heard a word from Jay, not even checking that you made it in alright. You send a text asking if he knows how late he’ll be working, but don’t receive a response. 

By eight, you fix yourself a plate for dinner and eat alone at the table. Putting the rest away, you curl up on the couch, and find a movie on Netflix.  It’s after eleven when the door opens and Jensen finally comes in.  Getting up from the couch, you go over to greet him.

“Hey honey,” you say before leaning up to kiss him.

“Hi babe.” He gives you a quick kiss before pulling away. “I need a shower.”

He rejoins you in the living room ten minutes later, sitting next to you on the couch.  

“There’s some pasta in the fridge, if you would like me to heat some up for you?”

“I’m good, we ate on set.”

“Okay.  Do you have anything going on tomorrow?”

“I’ve got a 10 am call time.  Should go till 8 or so.”

You just nod in response. It’s been awhile since you’ve had his arm wrapped around you, and you are just going to enjoy that for now.  The movie on the screen ends and you suggest going to bed hoping to feel more than his arm around your shoulders tonight.

You come out of the bathroom ready for bed in a new lace chemise, and find your boyfriend sound asleep.  Grabbing one of his old t-shirts from your bag, you turn around to go back to change.

The next morning Jensen is up before you are.  You find him out at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee and what looks like a script.

“Morning, do you want breakfast before you leave?”

“No, I already had something. But thanks.”

“Can I come to set with you today? Hang out in between scenes with you?”

“No, they don’t like other people on set.  Don’t want any secrets getting out.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I guess I’ll go explore the city then.  Text me when you’re done, we can maybe grab a late dinner somewhere?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Do you film tomorrow?”

“No, it’s just going over some choreography for fight scenes on Tuesday.”

“So it should be a shorter day?”

“Hopefully.  Chase, Karl and I have a tee time at 2.”

“Great.”  You’re only here for a few days, but getting a round of golf in takes precedence apparently.

Once Jensen leaves for work you pull out your phone to find something to entertain yourself with today.   You decide to start the day at Ripley’s Aquarium of Canada.  

The tour of the aquarium takes you first to the Dangerous Lagoon overlook.  There you see sharks, turtles, eels and sawfish.  A sign says it is the largest exhibit at the aquarium, and has around 2.9 million liters of water.  From there you enter the Discovery Center which has interactive exhibits and features Zebra and Blacktip Reef Sharks along with Clownfish.  The Canadian Waters and Kelp Forest are next where you see octopus, lobsters, Cod, Wolf Eel, and Paddlefish.  

On the lower level of the aquarium you see the Rainbow Reef which recreates the coral seas of the Pacific.  Planet Jellies has various breeds of jellyfish. The Ray-Bay is home to five types of stingrays and the Bonnethead Shark.  A sign says that back on the main level you can pet the rays at the top of the tank. 

Back up top, you stroll through the gallery area next.  This is home to Electric Eels, Seahorses, Piranhas, Pufferfish and Mudskippers.  A quick tour of the gift shop and you are on your way out.

The aquarium is right near the base of the CN Tower.  Being so close, you couldn’t pass that up. The tower was completed in 1976 and stands 1,815.5 feet tall.

Getting off the elevators at the observation level you are currently 1,136 feet off the ground. The glass floor lets you look to the ground 114 stories below.  You go up to the Skypod which is 33 stories above the main observation level.  It is the highest observation platform in the Western Hemisphere.  You can see all the way to New York and Niagara Falls from here. You can also feel the building swaying a lot more up here. You hear a guide mention the antenna above the Skypods gets hit by lightning an average of 75 times a year.  The mix of the swaying and lightning are enough to send you back down to ground level.

You grab a light lunch and walk over to High Park to sit and enjoy it.  Finishing your lunch you take a walk down one of the nature trails.  Walking alone your thoughts drift to Jensen.  Once again today, you haven’t heard from him at all.  You are right here in his town and he can’t seem to spare you any time.

That afternoon you end up strolling through the CF Toronto Eaton Centre Mall.  It is a huge shopping center with more than 250 stores.  In your current mood nothing there really grabs your attention.  

By seven you are on your way back to Jensen’s apartment to get cleaned up to have dinner with him.   At 8:30 you send a text asking if he was going to be getting off soon. Almost an hour later, you receive a reply.

Jensen 💗-On my way back

You-Do you still want to go out and grab dinner?

Jensen💗-No

Alrighty then.  You pull leftovers out of the fridge and start warming them up for dinner.  When he walks in, you just about have everything ready to go.

“Hey honey, if you want to shower first, dinner is almost ready.”

“I already ate.”

“What?”

“It was a rough shoot, I went out and grabbed a drink with Karl, Jack and Anthony.  We ordered some food there.”

He heads off to the bathroom, and you just stare after him.  “Well thanks for telling me,” you mutter after him.

No longer hungry you put everything away once more.  Entering the bedroom you change into sweats and sit down on the corner of the couch.  It isn’t long until Jensen returns, he collapses in the middle of the couch.

“What a day.  Anything Kripke was unable to throw at us during Supernatural is sure finding its way out now.”

“Hmm.”

“This season is going to be so sick.”

You don’t respond, just keep your eyes straight ahead on the television.

“What’s your problem?” He turns his head to look at you.

“What’s going on with us?” you ask.

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like I don’t matter to you any more.  We rarely talk anymore.”

“We’re talking right now, or I was trying to but you’re ignoring me.”

“I thought we were going to do something tonight, but you went out with your friends while I was waiting for you.  You could have at least let me know what was going on.”

“It’s been a long couple of days, I don’t want to fight with you.  I’m going to bed.”

You watch him leave, biting your lip, you rest your head back against the couch trying not to cry.  That did not go the way you wanted it to at all. Going into the extra bedroom you grab a folded blanket off the unmade bed, and bring it back to the couch, planning on sleeping there tonight.  The television keeps you company, while your mind replays everything.  

The next morning, the sound of cupboard doors slamming around wakes you up.  Stretching as you sit up, you notice Jensen moving around the kitchen.  He looks over at you when he sees you move, but doesn’t say anything. He leaves a short time later. 

You don’t feel like doing much of anything today.  You hang out around the apartment watching Hallmark.  Why does everything always work out for them?

Around four, you get a text from Jensen that says he has something with the cast.  Another night alone, fabulous.  Why did you even bother coming?  Changing into presentable clothes you head out to find some food, getting into the elevator you are shocked at who you see.

“Eric, hi.”

“Y/N, how are you?  I wasn’t sure if you were in town or not this weekend.”

“Yeah, I just got in on Friday, staying a few days.  Doing alright, how are you?

“Good, are you coming to dinner?”

“What?”

“A bunch of the crew is going for dinner.  Aren’t you going to meet Ackles? I’ll give you a lift.”

His phone rings and you don’t get a chance to reply.  Getting off the elevator you follow him outside, planning to still go off on your own.  When the car pulls up, he waves you inside.  His phone call lasts almost the whole way to the restaurant, even though he keeps attempting to end it.  He is finally able to put it down just before the car pulls into the parking lot.

“Sorry about that.  Everything is a huge problem to some of the network execs.  Talking with Jared, I thought you were going to be here this weekend, but then I never saw you around set with Jensen.”

“He told me I couldn’t come with him.  Are you sure I can be here tonight?  Jensen didn’t invite me.”

“I would have let you on set, no problem. Yes, you are more than welcome to join us tonight.  Have you met anyone yet?”

“Just Karl.”

You follow him through the restaurant, when he arrives at the large table he calls out, “look who I found on my way here.”

Your eyes are on Jensen who has Claudia’s arm around his shoulders as she is whispering in his ear.

“Hey!” Karl yells, “where have you been hiding?”

He gets up to give you a hug, Jensen gives you a questioning look, while everyone else just stares.  Eric looks around the table and asks a passing waiter for one more place setting and chair.

“I’ve been hanging out around the apartment, explored Toronto yesterday,” you finally answer Karl’s question.

“So you come all the way up here, and don’t even visit the set?  Should we be hurt?” Karl’s last question is directed at Kripke.

“What are you doing here?” Jensen interrupts them.

“Are you going to introduce us, Eric?” Anthony questions at the same time.

“I ran into Eric in the elevator, and he invited me to come along,” you answer Jensen.

“Why didn’t you bring her?” Eric asks your boyfriend, who just shrugs in response.

“Some of us still don’t know what’s going on,” Jack calls out.

“This is Y/N Padalecki, this lovely lady was Ali Black on Supernatural,” Eric introduces you.

“She also has horrible taste in men, because she’s dating that brute,” Karl tells them as he points to Jensen.

Anthony, Karen, Jack, Erin and Chase all stand up to greet you.  A chair is added next to Jensen as everyone but Claudia scoots down to make room for you.  

After the group has ordered, Karl looks at you from across the table.  “How long are you here for?”

“I have a flight out tomorrow afternoon.”

“We have some fight sequences to finalize in the mornin’, are you coming to tour the set?” He asks. 

“I don’t know,” you look over at Jensen, who has remained silent.

As time goes on you notice that Claudia seems to keep touching Jensen, her hand is on her arm, his thigh, and shoulder.  ‘Really girl’ you think ‘right in front of me?’

Erin asks about what you have going on now with Supernatural over.  You tell her about Walker.  Jensen seems agitated next to you, you finally turn and ask if he’s alright.  Instead of answering he stands up and nods for you to join him out in the hall.

“I can’t believe you got Eric to bring you along,” Jensen harshly whispers to you.

“It wasn’t my intention, I just ran into him when I got in the elevator.”

“I don’t understand what your problem is.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The attitude you had last night, sleeping on the couch,  now putting yourself in the middle of a cast get together.  What are you trying to do?”

“When did you become such an asshole? Maybe playing Soldier Boy has gone to your head. If you don’t want me here, and it’s such a big deal to have me here, I’ll leave.”

With that you turn back toward the room to grab your purse.  You expect Jensen to stop you, but he never does. The waiter is coming back in and you quietly ask him to cancel your order.  Before walking out the door, you turn back to the table.

“It was nice meeting you all.  I’m sorry, but I have to be going.  Enjoy the rest of your night.”  With that you turn and leave.

Eric is right behind you, he can’t get your attention so he grabs your arm once you step outside.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just have to go.”

“Y/N, I’ve known you a long time.  I can see you’re upset, and you’re barely holding back tears.”  He looks around for a moment before spotting a bench.  “Come sit down for a minute.”

“I’ll be alright, you should get back inside,” you try to tell him.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

You know he isn’t going to let go, with a sigh you start talking.  “Things with Jensen and I haven’t been going so great lately.  He barely answers my calls or texts.  I don’t know the last time he even called or texted me to start a conversation.  Gen thought it might be good for us if I came up here and we spent some time together.  I’ve still barely seen him.”

You take a deep breath to try and get yourself back under control, but you can’t help the tears sliding down your face.  “I’m afraid our relationship might have run its course, and I don’t mean anything to him any more.  I’m just someone he used to have around because I was convenient.”

“Oh Y/N,  I’m so sorry you are feeling like this.  I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I know you always meant a lot to him,” Eric tries to comfort you.

“Used to. I can’t keep going like this, the last month has been rough.  I tried to talk to him last night and that didn’t go over well.  Now he’s mad that I’m here.  When things were good with us, he would have been the first one up to give me a hug.  He would have been the one introducing me to his new cast mates, not you and Karl.  We would have spent any free time he had together, going for a drink or golfing with the guys wouldn’t have been more important.”

“I’m sorry, you don’t deserve to be treated like that,” Eric says softly.  You can tell he is a bit out of his comfort zone here.

You nod your head, you know what you have to do and your heart is crumbling into pieces.  Turning in your seat you give Eric a hug.  “Thanks for everything Eric.  Will you do me a favor and keep an eye on him for me?”

“Anything for you.  I won’t let him get into too much trouble tonight.”

You bite your lip and wipe the tears off your face, “I don’t just mean tonight.”

It takes Eric a second, but after all you’ve just said, he understands what you mean.  “I will, you take care of yourself.  He gives you a hug before hailing you a cab and returning inside.

You stare out the window during the ride back to the apartment.  When you return you start packing up your things.  After your bag is ready you pull out your phone looking for a flight out.  You aren’t sure you could make any that are leaving tonight, so you change it to one leaving at 6:10 am.  Sitting on the couch you wait for Jensen to return.

Over an hour later he finally walks through the door. You stand up as he sets his keys down on the counter.

“We need to talk,” you tell him. softly

“We do.  What were you thinking trying to insert yourself like that?  I’m still new here, I can’t have you pushing your way in the middle of things, or asking for special tours around set.  What are they going to think?”

“As I told you earlier, I didn’t ask Eric to bring me along, I was going out to find my own dinner and ran into him when I was going to do that.  He told me to come along, and that it was alright.  Karl asked about me taking a tour, I didn’t push for one.”

“I can’t afford to have you rocking the boat here.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, I’m done.  I can’t…I can’t do whatever this has become anymore.” You gesture between the two of you.

That catches Jensen’s attention, and he notices your packed bag next to the couch. “What are you talking about?  Where are you going?”

“What I started to try and talk to you about last night.  I don’t know what’s happened to us, but I can’t take it anymore.  I’ve changed my flight to leave earlier.  I feel like I am the only one trying to hold this together anymore.  Right now you’re more worried about making a bad impression on people you’ve worked with for a few months, then about me.  You barely answer when I call or text you.  Any of our limited conversations anymore revolve around you, I doubt you could tell me what I have going on in my life lately.”    

“That’s not true, you’re filming that…um…that…”

“The Netflix series?  Maid, about a single mom fleeing from abuse and trying to make it with her child. We wrapped a few weeks ago.  I told you that in Chicago.”

“You’re getting ready for Walker then.”  

“You’re grasping at straws, Jens.”

“I don’t understand why you want to end things?  What was the point of coming up here?  Was it just to break up?  Did you meet someone else?”

You shake your head, not believing what is coming out of his mouth.  “I came up here to see if there was any way we could save our relationship.  But when spending time with you cast mates, who are here with you everyday, is more important than me who you have barely seen, I have my answer.  If you really need an answer to the last question it’s no.  Honestly, going by all the pictures online, and dinner tonight, I should be the one asking that.  But I know you better than that.  At least I used to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know when I became so unimportant to you,  something that could just be tossed aside when I wasn’t useful.”

He looks at you in shock. “That’s not true and you know it.”  

“I really don’t, not anymore.  With everything going on in your life, there isn’t time for me.  A backseat is okay once in a while, but it’s not a place I’m willing to stay.”

 “What are you talking about?”

“Your career is really taking off, and I can’t keep up with everything.  We don’t even live in the same county anymore.  I just don’t fit in your life anymore, and I deserve better than what I’m getting.”

“Everything I do is for us.”

“You really going with that? After how you treated me this weekend?  How you’ve been treating me the last few months?”

“Any girl would be happy to be in your place.”

“I don’t know when you became this self absorbed asshole, but that’s not the guy I fell in love with, the guy I planned my future with.  I’m sorry Jensen, but I can’t take the hurt and loneliness that have come from this relationship anymore.  I don’t want to cry myself to sleep over us another night, or wonder when you’re going to feel like talking to me again.” 

“After everything I did for us, if you think it’s really so bad to be dating me, then there is no reason to drag this out,” he spits out, his anger rising.  “Make sure to be out of the house before I get back to Texas.”

You give a small shake of your head, “if you knew how things were going with me.  You would know I’ve been staying at my brother’s house because I wasn’t comfortable alone in yours.  I don’t have much left there, it will be out soon.”   

You grab your bag and head for the door, stopping before you open it.  “I did love you, you meant the world to me.  I told Jared no matter what happens between us, I didn’t want it to affect your friendship.  I wish you the best Jens, and I really am happy for you and everything that’s coming your way.  I just wish there was still room for me in your world.”  Taking one last look at your now ex, you quickly exit the apartment.

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 6

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[mlobsters]

supernatural s10e13 halt & catch fire (w. eric charmelo, nicole snyder)

maybe i should rewatch halt and catch fire. i watched it as it aired so it's been a minute. lee pace as a very messy bisexual disaster in the early pc industry through to internet times. and mackenzie davis was amazing. really well done show. i recall the first season was a little too hard on the mad men-esque feel but really got into its own stride in subsequent seasons (it was airing on amc at the end of mad men's run which was mid 2014 and this spn ep aired feb 2015. the phrase itself is an old computing term). anyway!

is the mark making him ogle the college girls too? cmon

DEAN And Trini is? SAM Ah, you have to excuse my partner. When it comes to technology, he’s a little behind. Uh…he just learned how to poke on Facebook. JANET Uh, um, Trini is the nav app we were using. It – It’s like a talking map. You’re Gen X. Right.

well, addressing the age difference of it all LOL. i think of dean/jensen as my age but he is technically 1 (2) years older than me. i'm in the no-man's land of 1980 which is claimed by neither gen x or millenial or both, depending who you ask. not for nothing, we had all this new tech stuff come in when we were young and we're not known to be technically unsavvy :P (though the earlier you get things can be different) but also like. since he and i are kind of on that cusp age of generations, i don't think it would be necessarily super obvious to this girl that he is? dear lord. what will i overthink next

SAM So – so what’s a thing? DEAN You know, the truck thing. You honor the deceased by driving their truck. Sam, they wrote a whole country song about it. Why don’t you Google it?

it's such an old, easy, dumb joke but dean being so smug over telling sam to google something made me laugh

DEAN Alright, so big brother didn’t get along with little brother, was pissed that he was driving his baby. I get it. SAM What are you saying? If you died and I drove your car, you’d kill me? DEAN If you stunk her up with tacquitos, probably.

what do you mean, IF? dean HAS died and you DID drive his car :P

cackling. didn't they have a lamp cord do this in s1 to sam?

spn s1e9 home

SAM So, what? You think we’re dealing with a “Ghost in the Machine”? DEAN Maybe. But if it is the same ghost, I mean, they usually anchor themselves to a place or a thing. How is this one jumping from one machine to the next?

was gonna mention the xfiles episodes (s1e7 ghost in the machine and s5e11 kill switch [the one written by william gibson]), which ghost in the machine i mentioned previously because spn s2e5 had an actor in that episode! and i did i hiky for kill switch when i was rewatching xf. but i'm trying to stop rambling. unsuccessfully 🫠

so this seems more like a kill switch situation vs ghost in the machine (evil building software vs ai on the internet killing people) 🤪

SAM It doesn’t matter. Now I’m going through her deleted files. DEAN You can do that? SAM Yeah. DEAN Hmm. SAM I mean, nothing ever really gets deleted from the Internet. You knew that, right? DEAN Yeah.

implied embarrassing (porn? tumblr poetry? DATING PROFILES?) dean winchester content out there somewhere. thinking about what could even embarrass dean (who currently is eating more sloppily than my kids do)

DELILAH It’s pretty crazy to obsess over someone you’ve never met. DEAN It’s not that crazy. The truth is, I can relate. DELILAH Really? DEAN I have made more mistakes than I can count. Ones that haunt me day and night. DELILAH So… how do you deal? DEAN Whiskey. Denial. I do my best to make things right, whatever that may be. For you, maybe it’s…maybe it’s coming clean. You know, finding a way to ask for forgiveness. But not breaking the bank at your local florist. I mean…real forgiveness. You can’t just bury stuff like this. You got to deal with it.

that old chestnut of opening up to a rando because their plotline mirrors enough the conflict that the boys are going through and they can't talk to anyone else about it

so, dean, my love. is this what you're doing, dealing?

also gonna skip over that whole shaky concept of the wifi business. keep on suspending that disbelief, nic. wireless speakers and wifi on an antenna tower (??), it's all the same. it's just waves in the air, man. i am a leaf on the wind 🍃

DEAN Yeah. Looks like. I think I’m gonna follow his lead, too. SAM What do you mean? DEAN My peace is helping people. Working cases. That’s all I want to do. SAM Is this about the Mark? DEAN I’m done trying to find a cure, Sammy. SAM Dean, Cas is so close. DEAN To what? We don’t even know if there is a cure. So far, we’ve got nothing. We have found nothing at the Men of Letters library. Metatron may or may not know something. And maybe Cas is on to something with Cain. SAM Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Nothing is guaranteed, Dean. So what? We can’t just stop fighting. DEAN Yes, we can. SAM So, this is it? Y-you’re just gonna – you’re just gonna give up. DEAN No. No, I’m not just gonna give up. I appreciate the effort, okay? I do. But the answer is not out there. It’s with me. I need to be the one calling the shots here, okay? I can’t keep waking up every morning with this false hope. I got to know where I stand. Otherwise, I’m gonna lose my freakin’ mind. So I’m gonna fight it til I can’t fight it anymore. And when all is said and done… I’ll go down swinging.

sam and i both getting a little panicked i think (seeing sam start breathing fast surely affects me) but hey they got a few tears out of me, feels like an accomplishment (compared to early seasons i was regularly crying my way through the show). nothing like dean being a realist but also accepting that this thing is going to kill him. i get the false hope thing, and why it's untenable. and maybe that is the best plan, to fully accept in his heart of hearts it's not gonna get fixed. and then when they figure out how to fix it, he can run with it. but it's shades of that old passive self destructive dean who doesn't value his own life (or see how him not valuing his life affects sam)

[deansmom]

So listen. I’ve been doing a lot of reading this year about autism in adults and specifically autism in women (I might be autistic? Maybe?) - but in catching up on spn I’ve had a realization and I... think Dean can be read as autistic. Am I projecting here? Maybe. But especially after watching 14x4 especially it makes sense to me!!!

Hear me out here: Dean is REALLY good at what I’d call masking. Remember how after Mary died Dean didn’t talk for a while? And how Dean was really smart but didn’t really ever have any friends? And how he used movies and tv as an escape? And how even into his mid 20’s still was imitating his dad kind of a lot? How he’s not good at verbalizing his emotions? How he’s very chatty about things that interest him (books, tv shows, movies, monsters) but not so good with small talk?? And sometimes he says shit that’s like bordering on mean and he doesn’t always catch himself before he says it? And apologizes relatively quickly once it’s either pointed out that it was shitty or it clicks in his brain that it was shitty? How he’s very particular about his room and his routines and how he hid in his room for a week because strangers were in the bunker? And how he’s always wearing seventeen layers AND has a germ thing? AND Dean has a tendency to still see things as very black and white, emotional dysregulation, strong sense of justice, etc. hyper empathy!!!!!

I mean I’ve always over-identified with Dean, I’m aware of it, it’s whatever. BUT I THINK I’M ONTO SOMETHING HERE????? To me Sam has always come across as the more personable one? Not that Dean isn’t, but like I can think of maybe a handful of times where Dean actively sought out an interaction with a stranger and they’re all because it was something he was interested in and wanted to talk about. Dean is also not great at picking people up romantically 😂 he thinks he’s being really smooth, channeling porn and the cool guys in movies he’s seen, but he just comes across as kinda goofy and sweet. Also his face, that helps. He’s very good at matching the energy of other people, which is a masking thing. Like Dean is so good and he cares so much and sometimes he says dumb or hurtful shit, but it’s not malicious or anything. He’s just doing his best and sometimes he’s better at it than others.

Also if you think about it and if you read Cas as autistic, that could totally be why Dean and Cas clicked so much better than Cas and Sam.

Anyways I’m tired and my eyes hurt so 😂 have this

[4llmywr1tings]

Family don’t end in Blood

Characters/Pairing: Jensen X Reader, OFC Oliver, SPN Cast Words: 3,380 Warnings: accident resulting in loss of child during pregnancy, lack of confidence for reader A/N: (Y/N) your name. You are an author Tagging: @autoblocked

“Come on, come to bed with me. Please?” Jensen groans, leaning in to your office.

“Just one more paragraph baby,” you turn from your laptop and smile at him as you continue to type effortlessly.

“You’ve been saying that the last like five hours. I’m feeling a little neglected.”

“Aren’t we being a little over exaggerative?” you shake your head at both your husband and your thought.

“Okay, fine. Like two hours. I’ve been lonely for two hours.” He replies.

You groan and look down to the keys, noticing that you had messed up about three of your five sentences. “I’m sorry baby. It’s just that this stupid chapter isn’t going to write itself.”

“I know, and I’m not going to be able to sleep until you are in bed gorgeous. And I have panels tomorrow. It’s the most important part of the convention.”

“Babe.” You whine, looking back and forth from the screen to your waiting husband.

“I know it’s so busy with the editors breathing down your neck for more work, and we being separated most of the time, but I need you tonight gorgeous.” He steps closer and you can hear his feet shuffle over the hardwood floor of your apartment. In seconds his hands were on your shoulders, trying to urge you away. “Would you do it for me?”

You sigh and for a moment you want to argue. Nothing was coming to you, so you almost slam your laptop closed. “Fine. I can’t get anything to come to me anyway.”

“Yes! I like the sound of that. I’ll make it up to you baby. Come take a break tomorrow with me, sit backstage with Gen and the rest of the cast.”

“Really?” you asked, as he pulled you to your feet quickly.

“Really. Everyone seems to think that I don’t want to share you or that they’ve done something.”

He wraps his arm around your shoulder, and swiftly picks you up in his strong arms.

You giggle and cup his face. “Do you really want to share me with them?” you fake disgust and kiss him on the lips.

“Well, no. Not really, but it’s time baby. We can’t use the honeymoon phase as an excuse anymore.” He kisses you back and places you on your side of the bed. With out warning he lies on top of you to roll over to his side.

You laugh and roll with him, snuggling your head into his chest.

“Okay. I’ll come with you. It would be good to see the gang again. What has it been, three months?” He wraps his arms around you and you feel fingers deftly run through your hair. It was something that had always calmed you, so he never stopped doing it.

“Yeah. I think so. Osric especially misses you. He likes the conversations you two have.”

You smile into the kiss as he pulls you impossibly closer to his body.

“Okay, I’m convinced handsome. I’ll come with you.”

By the time you had finished getting ready that morning, Jensen slowly waltzes out of the shower, steam following after him in billowing clouds. You smile up at his still tired expression and water running down his bare chest and stomach.

“Hiya handsome.” You smile, slipping in to your earrings. Your wedding rings and fancy statement ring were next, and they gleam. You tightly rewrap your towel around your body and walk to the closet as he reaches it.

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” You smile, and nod, pulling a tank top out of it’s place. You try and avoid his gaze, for you were sure he’d question you if he saw your sad expression.

“No. Something is up. What’s up baby?” He asks running his hands soothingly up and down your arms. “Talk to me.”

“It’s. It’s just this convention. I. I don’t know if.”

“You don’t want to go?” he asks, leaving the closet. He sits at the edge of the bed and looks to you.

“Well, for starters. I have nothing that fits me. I feel so shitty in my own skin, I look terrible. I.”

“No. You don’t say that about yourself.”

“It’s easier for me to be here, in your sweaters and sweat pants than go out. I look terrible.” You wine. You drop the tank you had on the floor and pull out another one.

“Stop what you are doing baby. Please. Look at me please.”

You sigh and look to him slowly. “What?” You bark, a snide tone to your voice.

“What is wrong? I know it isn’t about not having something to wear. Or feeling terrible. You’ve been to book signings and a few things. You’ve gone out. What’s wrong?”

You shudder slightly, trying to hide back tears. “It. It’s been a long time since I’ve been at a convention Jay.”

“I know. Almost a year. Not counting the barbeque at the con where everyone saw you in Dallas, but almost a year. The fans love you. That isn’t a problem.”

“Yeah, but remember what happened last time we were at one?” you asked quietly. You tighten your arms around you, trying to have some sort of comfort. You didn’t want to take the effort to go to your husband for it.

“I do, a hit and run that almost lost me my wife. I may have lost my child, but I didn’t lose you, just my child.”

“I’m scared to go anywhere.” You put your hands to your stomach and sigh, trying to will the threatening tears away.

“I know. I miss Caleb too. I get angry every day that they aren’t anywhere near catching the fucking asshole that fucking did that. But I don’t want to lose you.” He groans as he stands and walks to you.

“I’m sorry. This is so stupid and trivial.” You shake your head and turn to look away from your husband’s direct line of sight. You find a pair of clean underwear and slip it on, leaving your towel still in tact.

“No. This isn’t stupid and trivial. Please talk to me.”

“I am scared to go anywhere. I’m so scared that something is going to be ripped away from me at any second. I didn’t even get to meet him. You know how hard that is? To carry that little human being for almost nine months, and than to have it viciously ripped from you?” you sigh and drop your towel to slip in to your bra, Jensen catches the scars from the accident as you finally free your body from cover.

It had been a long, long day. You were selling a bit of your Graphic artwork and pieces at the Convention, while Jensen would enjoy meeting the fans. You loved wandering the halls and meeting people, seeing the different costumes fans were in, and you loved seeing what went on at the back of the convention hall during a panel.

That and walking around while almost 9 months pregnant was helpful. That induced labor, right?

You had spent most of the day separated from Jensen, having Cliff walk around with you when he wasn’t with the boys.

“Okay, I’m sorry I’m leaving you. But I am starving and I don’t want casino food or Green room food. I need a full meal. Caleb and I need a full meal.” You remark, walking in the parking garage.

‘Why don’t you want to eat with me? I miss you. I miss my wife. And my unborn son.’

“Well, why don’t you take a break and join me handsome?”

‘Where are you going?’ he asks. ‘Because I’ve been craving a greasy burger. And salty fries.’

“How Dean of you.” You laugh. “And really coincidental. Because your son wants that too. And a chocolate milk shake.”

‘Come on. Like father like son. I’m going to train him well.’

“I think it’s mom and dad.” You reply happily.

‘True. I mean, I remember the day I met you with Mackenzie, you were stuffing your face full of a Big Mac before your book signing. Remember?’ he asks. You can hear Jared in the background laugh.

“Yeah, I do. And I was completely embarrassed by that, because I was a big fan. And I was acting like a fool in front of him.” You laugh and then take a big breath, arching your back as your body ached. “Whoo. Caleb, momma wants you to come. Now.”

‘Come back, prop your feet up, and we’ll have the restaurant downstairs make us incredibly amazing burgers and fries, and a shake for the baby.’

“You do make a hard bargain. Okay. I’ll call after Cliff. Tell him to turn around.”

‘Why isn’t he with you?’ he asks, concern dripping from his voice.

“He went to get the car. He didn’t want me walking any further then I had to. I was trying to argue with him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

‘(Y/N/N), please be careful.’ He replies.

“I will. What could hap –”

You let out a blood curdling scream as a small black Honda comes barreling towards you, with no intention of stopping. Before you could jump out of the way, you felt the sickening crunch of a metal bumper hitting you square in the legs. The last thing you remember was flying back, and landing hard on the cement. When you woke up, you were in a hospital, with no baby bump, and no baby.

“I do remember it. I was on the phone when it happened. I thought that I had lost both of you.” He replies, breaking you from your rather graphic memory.

“Yeah, and I’m scared. I’m so scared Jensen.”

“Talk to me. What are you hiding?” he asks.

“I’m just.” You hold your stomach and sigh. “I think I’m pregnant.”

His smile brightens, and he looks to you with hope. “Really?” His hand makes it’s way to your stomach and you let his other hand pull you closer to him.

“I’m about a month late, but ever since the accident everything has been so off that I wasn’t sure.” You put your head on his chest and close your eyes. Even without his usual cologne, he still smelled like him.

“Well, the we’re going to your OB first thing tomorrow? Okay?” he asks rubbing your stomach once more. “And you’re not hiding out anymore. I’m terrified that something could happen, and I miss Caleb more than you’ll know. I didn’t get to meet him either. I just miss my wife, and I don’t want you to be alone. Hell I’m being selfish, I don’t want to be with them. I want to be with you, and if they have to be there, I’ll deal with it.”

You scoff and roll your eyes, but nod wrapping your arms around him in a thankful hug. “I love you baby.”

“(Y/N) (Y/M/N) Ackles. I love you too.” He kisses your nose quickly before walking to his side of the closet.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I am so happy to see you.” Kim blurted out as you walked in, trailing behind Jensen.

“Thanks Kim, I’m happy to see you too.” Jensen grins, knowing what she meant. He just wanted to bait her.

“Not you Ackles. Missus Ackles. I missed her. I missed making fun of you and Jared with her.” Kim walked to you and quickly wraps you in a hug. In a second, someone is behind you wrapping you both in their arms. “Go away Speight. She’s mine!”

“Hey I missed her just as much!” Rich exclaimed, giving you both one last hug. With a peck on your cheek, he winked and walked off.

Just as Jensen had predicted, all that were left at the convention (everyone seemed to be there) were happy to see you, and you had nothing to worry about. By the time you had gotten through hugs and visiting with everyone, it was time for a change of scenery, so you, Briana and Kim decided to crash Jared and Jensen’s photo op.

Just in maybe a half an hour of catching up with your Supernatural family, you knew you had a better outlook on life.

Five years later:

“Alright, can you ask this nice lady what her name is, so we can sign her book for her grandson?” you kneel with your son so he can have a better point of view.

You held open the book and watched as your little boy looked up to the graying woman.

“Escoos me. Can. Can I have your name?” he nervously stumbles over his words. “Pwease?”

“This is for my grandson. Caleb.”

Your son’s eyes dart to you. “Like big brother?”

“Yeah, like big brother. Now you sign right here.” You hold out a sharpie, and let your son sign a portion of the page. You and the grandmother patiently waited as carefully curled the O of his first letter, and the slowly he spelled out “Olly”. You quickly wrote a small note and handed the children’s book back to her.

After you had found out about your pregnancy, inspiration came to you, but in creating a children’s book instead of the long awaited second book in your Young Adult Series. So with help from Oliver when he was born, and Jared’s sister Megan, you were able to create a new line of children’s books, books you were proud of the out come. You waited until Olly was old enough, so he could help you out on this latest book.

“Olly. Is that short for something cutie?” the grandma asks.

“Oliver. Oliver Caleb Ackles. Caleb is my big brother. I’m named after him.”

“And where is big brother?”

“Big brother is with the angels now.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t.”

“It’s okay.” You reply interrupting her. “Months after, I probably wouldn’t be able to talk about it, but now I’m okay. I’m still sad sometimes, huh Olster?”

“Yeah, but it’s otay to be sad. Because you wanna remember him some times?”

“Yes. That’s a good way to think about it.” The grandma says. “Thank you for the autograph. He loves your books.”

You and Oliver wave as the lady continues down the aisle in the grocery store. You take a few steps, finally not distracted at the task at hand. A party for Jensen. It was his birthday tomorrow and you still needed a few last minute things. You put him in the front of the cart and place your purse next to him.

Oliver quickly darts for your phone, choosing to use the camera and take random photos of people you passed.

“Momma. Annie Kim is calling you.” He replies a few seconds later, holding out your phone. You take it quickly, messing up his hair.

“What’s up Rhodes?” you ask cradling the phone under your ear. You hold out two boxes of crackers and point them at your son, and he quickly points towards his favorite box.

‘Oh, I was just calling to see what help you needed.’ She asks. You drop a few more boxes of crackers in the cart and push on. ‘Do you need any help?’

“I’m just last minute shopping with Olly. Then we’re going home, and we might try and surprise Jensen on set. He’s directing today, and I bet he would love a surprise visit.”

‘Are you sure?’ she asks, giving you the questioning “mom voice” you knew and loved.

“I’m sure Kim. Just bring yourself tomorrow morning, and we can have a late breakfast while Olly is at school for the morning, and then we can get the surprises ready. Okay?”

‘Sounds good. I’m just at the hotel. I might wander over to set too. I might see you there? Briana coming too.’ “Yeah, and if you don’t make it to set, come over to the house. We can hang until Jensen gets home.” You reply putting another box of food in your cart. You push the cart forward, leaning in to give your son a kiss.

‘Okay, I’ll tell her that. I may be too tired after I get done with my workout and shower. I’ll let you know.’ She laughs and you can hear Brianna laugh in the background with her.

“Sound good, see you later Kim.” You reply, and with that you hit end and hand Olly back your phone.

“Big surprise for dad?”

“Yeah, it’s his birthday tomorrow, and we’re having a party. But you can’t say anything. Promise?”

“Okay.” He replies happily.

“Good, if you keep quiet, I’ll give you a treat from your box, okay?” he nods happily, and goes back to taking photos with your phone.

“So, the little munchkin is asleep, and we are all alone. Finally.” You laugh as Jensen sits down next to you and props his feet on the coffee table.

“Happy birthday sweetheart.” You smile, planting a kiss on his lips. You linger longer, and groan as he bites at your lower lip. “Happy, happy birthday old man.”

“It was a good birthday in deed. Hey, I saw something.”

“What?” you ask cautiously, cuddling closer to your husband. He wraps his arms around you and you some how (very quickly) end up lying together on the couch.

“I saw your notebook on your nightstand earlier. Are you writing again? Anything but kids books?”

You smile and look down to him. “Yeah. I think I have an idea now. You know how I was so stuck before we found out I was pregnant with Olly?”

“Yeah. And it took forever to get you to bed.” He laughs.

He props himself on a few pillows and you put your head back on his chest, snaking your arms around him.

“Well, I have a better idea now. I think I’m going to go with that one.”

“Yeah, and what is this idea?” he asks, breaking up his question with a yawn.

“Well. It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you. You’re just going to have to come to my book signing. In a month.”

“Really?” he asks happily. “A month? You’ve been working that hard, why didn’t you tell me? I know Olly is a maniac and you don’t have any help. And soon, this bump between us is going to be really uncomfortable for me.”

You laugh and kiss his chest a few times.

“It’s come to me. There have been nights when you’ve been late that I’ve stayed up to be awake when you get home, and it just came to me.”

“And you aren’t going to tell your husband? Your favorite person in the world?”

“And wake up Olly? Come on, he’s a crank when he gets woken up.” You smile as he sticks out his tongue at you.

One Month Later:

The day of your book signing was a nervous one. You knew that Jensen would be by your side, but you were gratefully surprised when a handful of Jensen’s cast mates arrived at your house before. You were even more surprised when a few of them came through the line to have a book signed.

It wasn’t until after the signing you could even show Jensen your surprise. Show everyone who meant something to you the dedication you wanted them to see.

“To my momma who always inspired me to go after my dreams. This book is especially dedicated to my momma who taught me to go after what I wanted. To not say no, to go for the stars.” Gen walks in with a copy of your book in her hand as you’re attempting to pour yourself a glass of sparkling cider. She gives your stomach a rub and continues. “To my loving and amazing husband, the man who loves me through every up and down. Through everything. The man who holds my heart. To my little man, Olly you’re my favorite guy (shhh. Don’t tell daddy.) Thanks for picking me. And last but not least. To my Supernatural Family. Thank you for teaching me that family doesn’t end in blood. That I was deserving of your love when I needed it the most. You mean the world to me.”

“Well, you mean the world to us too.” Gen says happily, wrapping her arms around you.

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing (February 17-23, 2019)

GW Tumblr Fandom,

Here’s your weekly round-up from the folks at TWIGW!  Be sure to show your creators some love.  <333

–Mod LAM

Fanfiction

Courage (2/?) by @gundayum​

Pairings: Duo x Hilde, Heero x Relena

Characters: Duo, Hilde, Heero

Rating: Teen and Up

Tag / Warnings: N/A

Summary: To Catty her father is a legendary hero, at least the version of him in her head. When war breaks out in her own backyard she defies her parents wishes and joins the rebellion, forcing Duo and Hilde back into combat to try and get her back.

Ballet and Pop-Tarts by @gundayum​

Pairings: Duo x Hilde

Characters: Duo, Hilde, OC

Rating: Teen and Up

Tag / Warnings: N/A

Summary:  8 am comes fast when you're trying to make it to ballet class...

Single Male Ordered by @lemontrash​

Pairings: Heero x Wufei

Characters: Heero, Duo, Wufei

Rating: Teen and Up

Tag / Warnings: Mail Order Brides, Strangers to Lovers, Mission Fic, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Arranged Marriage, Marriage of Convenience

Summary: Wufei is suffocated by the demands of his status, dragging his heels towards a wedding neither he nor Meilan want. Heero is at a loss, relocated to a new city but uninterested in making a fresh start. When a peculiar opportunity to fake an identity as a mail-order bride presents itself, Wufei takes a rash leap of faith - Heero is taken aback to find himself the guaranteur of a stranger who has no interest in being the language tutor Heero thought he'd commissioned. Wufei meanwhile has ten days in which to convince Heero to marry him before he's deported back to a colony that's outraged by his defection, but Heero's personality doesn't make his odds seem good, and a burgeoning political disaster might make thier problems seem very minor indeed.

Valentine’s Day by @noirangetrois​

Pairings: Noin x Sally

Characters: Noin, Sally, Une, Quatre, Trowa, Hilde

Rating: General

Tag / Warnings: Fluff, Romance, Treasure Hunting

Summary:  After five years, Sally and Noin still haven't spent Valentine's together, so Noin is surprised to come home and find a note waiting for her instead of Sally herself.

Those Four Little Words by @bryony-rebb​

Pairings: Wufei x Sally

Characters: Duo, Wufei, Sally

Rating: General

Tag / Warnings: Fluff, Romantic Comedy 

Summary:  In which Duo plays Cupid a little too literally

Gundam Wing: The Next Generation by ryoko126 and Shadow_Assassin01

Pairings: Trowa x Dorothy, Duo x Hilde, Quatre x Cathy, Heero x Relena, Wufei x Sally, Zechs x Noin

Characters: 5 pilots + Relena, Hilde, Cathy, Sally, Noin, Zechs, and original characters

Rating: General

Tag / Warnings: N/A

Summary:  The year is After Colony 217. It has been 19 years since the defeat of Dekim Barton, the Marimaia army and the Barton foundation. All seems well and Earth and the Colonies are enjoying the long and quiet peace. The Gundam group has finally moved on with their lives and have families of their own. They're all starting to put dark pasts behind them but something lurks in the shadows... Will the past of some bring trouble for all? Will secrets that have been buried, but not forgotten, come to light? What happens when the world is in need of a new group of soldiers to fight for peace? Who will answer the call? And can the former Gundam pilots keep this new group from getting in over their heads and keep them from making the same mistakes they did? Read and find out!

WIP Wednesday and Friday 400 and Snippet Saturday by @noirangetrois​

Pairings: Duo x Relena

Characters: Duo, Relena

Rating: General

Tag / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Three excerpts from Waves and a Wedding

Cuddly: Part - Wufei by @saviorsong​

Pairings: N/A

Characters: Wufei, other pilots

Rating: Teen and Up

Tag / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Reader POV, Wufei-centric snippet

LAM!Verse Snippet Saturday by @lifeaftermeteor​

Pairings: Heero x Duo

Characters: Heero, Duo

Rating: Teen and Up

Tag / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Duo gives Heero a present 

Fanart

A couple by @vegalume​

Heero Yuy

Treize x Heero

Several by @gundayum​

Duo’s Parents, Mackenzie and Avery

Relena and Dorothy

Boob Punch (inspired by @incorrectgundamwingquotes​)

Adult Hilde

Adult Duo

Birthday Gift Art for @smartass-telepath​ by @ninthfeather​

Harry Potter x Gundam Wing Mash-Up by @lemontrash​

Three by @heytherechief​

Duo, Heero, and OC named Key

More of Key (tw: scars and blood)

Duo and Key

Heero and Quatre by @noromax​

Other Fandom Works (Cosplay, Gunpla, Scans, etc.)

Edits by @incorrectgundamwingquotes 

Let Them Say F***!

Heero’s Self-Preservation Instinct

Gundam Wing and Dril Tweets, part 1 and part 2

Zechs and Heero

Do Not Resuscitate 

Heero and Trowa are Saltmates

Quotes by @incorrectgundamwingquotes

Birds and the Bees

Heero, Duo, and Trust

Who You Gonna Call?

Team Manager

Becoming Invincible

Two-Way Petting Zoo

Bananas and Genetic Codes

Oh no, featuring Heero and Relena

Wufei Can’t Catch a Break

Supply and Demand

Building a Family

Essential Mission Materials

Quotes by @incorrectgwquotes

Annoying Trowa

Scans by @disturbed02girl

Heero and Relena

Five Gundam Pilots

Headcanons and Discussions

Duo is the Goblin Friend by @noirangetrois

SPN x Gundam Wing Mash Up by @cannedface

Wufei and Social Media by @lifeaftermeteor

Wander Lust Duo prepping for a fight by @disturbed02girl

Trowa and Stray Cats by @theresareasonforthis

Pilots Marooned by @terrablaze514

Vocal Ranges (Secret Magic AU) by @terrablaze514

Gunpla

MG Tallgeese Flugel modeled by sky老白 shared by @rx-79bluedestiny

When you’re in trouble and your squad mates aren’t paying attention by @outlanderaurelius

Leo details by @zappaslave

Podcast by @lemontrash

Radio Meteor is now available on other podcast streaming services, to include Google Podcast and Apple podcast!  Go check them out!

Episode 7 is Live

Calendar Events

Cocktail Fridays with @gwcocktailfriday

This week’s prompt is here

Post responses on Friday between 3-5PM!

Stay tuned for a Zechs-y Summer at @our-summer-of-zechs

RHYTHM GENERATION fandom zine is go!  Stay tuned for details and further announcements over at @acworldbuildingzine​

Applications are CLOSED!  A roster of contributors will be available soon, as will details on donations.  Be sure to follow @acworldbuildingzine more further updates!

[winchesters-favorite-girl]

I’m Falling Apart-Part Two

A/N: Jensen’s youngest sister is going through a tough time with depression and Jensen is determined to help her. This fic features many things that may cause triggers. There will be trigger warnings at the beginning of every part.

Word Count: 1540

Warnings: Depression, angst

Masterpost

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If you ever need to talk, I’m here.

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The plane ride back to Austin felt like the longest trip Jensen had ever been on. He had been in constant contact with Danneel and the rest of his family back in Texas, hoping that they’d find you before he landed. To say he was worried was an understatement; the longer it took to find you the more time you had to...

Jensen wasn’t letting his mind go down that path because you were going to be fine. While you were in college there were a few months where things had gotten, dark. They had gotten so bad that the university reached out to him after your roommate had expressed concerns about your overall well being. After that time you had promised to Jensen you’d come to him if things ever seemed as hopeless as they did during those dark days.

Now he was beginning to think you were hiding things from him.

He knew that if he could just find you that he could help you. Your parents had been searching your home city of Dallas, hoping maybe you decided to come to your childhood home. Mackenzie and Josh were in Austin as soon as Danneel told them what was going; helping other friends search for you. Even the Austin police department was looking for you, but so far there were no leads.

As soon as Jensen got off the phone with you he called Danneel and told her what was going on while Jared made arrangements for them to head home. Jensen had half hardheartedly tried to convince Jared to stay, but they both knew Jared’s place with Jensen right now.

By the time Jensen and Jared landed in Austin it had been fifteen hours since Jensen had talked to you and everyone was beginning to panic.

Your phone had been turned off and Danneel had found it on the bed of your downtown apartment. Mackenzie had been staying at the apartment just in case you showed up there while the rest of the family was on the lookout for you.

Gen had JJ with her at their house, while the Ackle’s nanny, Marie, watched the twins so that Danneel could go anywhere without worrying about the kids. Josh was with the Austin P.D. helping them however he could and checking out places they thought you might be at. Danneel was all over the place; you were like a younger sister to her and the fact that you were going through this and didn’t tell her was killing her on the inside. She wanted nothing more then to get her ‘little sister’ back.

Danneel pulled the SUV up to the foreign arrivals pickup location, wanting to make a quick getaway so that they could get back to looking for you. She had just put the car in park when a very tired Jensen and Jared started walking up to the curb.

Getting out of the car she made her way towards her husband and was quick to wrap her arms around him. She let out a shuttering breath she didn’t even realize she was holding as tears began to fall. Jensen held her tighter when he felt her begin to shake in his arms, placing a kiss to her head he whispered just for her to hear, “She’s gonna be fine, ya hear me? We’re gonna find her, and we’re gonna help her, and she’s gonna be just fine.”

Danneel looked up at him and silently nodded her head in agreement, everything was going to be fine.

“Hey, why don’t I drive?” Jared’s voice interrupted the moment.

“No Jared, you guys are both tired. You look like you got barely any sleep.” Danneel argued.

“Yeah but you look like you guys could use a few.” Jared explained.

Danneel let out a small scoff, “Yeah, but I’m fine for now. Let’s go. I’m gonna drop you off with Gen for a bit to catch up on some sleep then I’m gonna force him to sleep for a bit.”

Jensen let out a humorless laugh, “No you’re not.”

“Please Jay?” Danneel replied in a pleading voice.

Jensen simply shook his head no, “Drop me off at Y/N’s, I’ll sleep there and catch up with Kenzie. Then later we’ll head to the P.D. so they can fill me in on what I’ve missed.” Danneel rolled her eyes at her husband’s words but agreed, knowing there was no point in arguing with Jensen right now.

Jensen stood in your apartment just looking around after he sent Mackenzie off with Danneel, insisting that she get some rest. His eyes danced across the walls of the apartment which you had filled with pictures and trinkets on shelves.

Letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, Jensen walked into your room and sat down on the bed. He placed his head in his hands and rubbed his face, wondering how he found himself in this situation. You hadn’t given any warning signs; your apartment was clean, you had been keeping up with the workload from the beer company, you’d stayed active with the family and your friends.

“God kid, what happened?” Jensen asked aloud before he laid down on the bed. Turning his head his eyes were met with a photo he hadn’t seen in forever. He reached over and grabbed the picture frame; bringing it closer so he could look at it he couldn’t stop the tears that began to fall. It was a picture from when you were a baby during one of the many times Jensen was the only one who was able to calm you down when you got fussy.

It was always like that since you were born; Jensen was the sibling just got you.

“Where the hell are you?”

Jensen’s phone ringing broke him out of the trance he found himself in. Quickly grabbing the phone he answered it, “Hello?”

“Have you been on twitter?” Jared’s voice sounded through the phone.

“Uh, no. Kinda been busy. Why?” Jensen questioned.

“Well Gen was looking through them since everyone’s been wondering why we left the con and she found a few from a few minutes ago where someone says they talked to Y/N by San Jac.” Jared stated.

“What?” Jensen asked before standing up and quickly making his way out of your apartment, “Do they know where she was going?”

“No,” Jared replied in a disappointed tone, “Just that she was downtown and seemed to be in a hurry, I’ll send you the screenshots of the tweets and come get you-”

“No, just meet me at the saloon. The apartment is like five minutes away from it, maybe I’ll get lucky and run into her on the way.” Jensen responded before hanging up the phone.

As he was walking he opened up his phone to read the tweets the fan had made about you. He stopped for a moment when he reached one tweet in particular, wondering what it was talking about; where were you in such a hurry to go?

Walking into Jared’s bar Jensen was instantly spotted by one of the bartenders that had become their friend.

“Jensen!” Chris shouted, waving him over. “What’s been going on? I saw that you guys came back early and it has some people freaked. Is Jared okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Jared’s fine.” Jensen replied as he sat down at the bar, “It’s my sister, she’s going through some stuff and-”

“Your sister Y/N?” Chris interrupted with a confused tone.

Jensen looked up at his friend’s face, “Yeah?”

“She was just here.” Chris responded eagerly, “She said everyone was fine but she seemed kinda out of it so I didn’t wanna pry in case something happened.”

Jensen stood up when it clicked that you were just there, “How long ago did she leave?” Jensen questioned.

“Like, five minutes ago.” Chris told him.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of her all day, no one’s been able to find her.” Jensen said, “Did she tell you where she was headed?”

“She mentioned going to watch the bats on the congress bridge but I told her it was too early in the day for them to be flying around.” Chris replied while wiping out a glass.

Jensen bolted out of the bar with the thought of you going to a bridge. All sorts of worst case scenarios started running through his mind. People looked at him like he was a crazy person as he ran through the downtown streets of Austin but he didn’t care, all he cared about was getting to his little sister.

When he reached the bridge Jensen slowed to a jog while he looked around for you. He felt his heart stop when he spotted you staring out into the river and the city. Whipping out his cell phone he quickly found Danneel’s contact and hit it.

“Hey babe, I wish I had news for you but I-” Danneel said from the other line before Jensen interrupted her.

“I found her. She’s at the Congress Ave. bridge downtown.” Jensen breathed out.

“Oh thank god.” Danneel replied.

“Yeah I’m-I’ll uh get her and head back to the house. Jared’s supposed to be making his way back to the bar so can you give him a call? He can drive us back and we can uh, figure out what we should do from here.” Jensen told his wife.

“Sounds good Jay. I’m so glad you found her.” Danneel sighed out.

“Me too. I’m gonna go talk to her, I’ll text you when we’re on our way home. Love you.” Jensen said before hanging up.

Taking a deep breath Jensen pocketed his phone before slowly making his way up to you, unsure of what he was going to say.

“Hey sis.”

Part Three

[deansmom]

K I’m watching tombstone now and I love how both Dean and Cas are embarrassed by each other but also find it endlessly endearing (kinda hot?)

Jack: wow he really likes cowboys

Cas: .....yes he does.

Cas internally: really castiel? This dweeb is who you fell from heaven for? Who you love? HIM? 🥵

And then Dean being annoyed Cas didn’t remember the movie that he made him watch with Dean but then also

Cas: I’m your huckleberry 😉

Dean: 🥵 .....it’s good to have you back

[deansmom]

I know I’ve seen 13x1 before bc I wrote a coda but I’m in hysterics watching this. Dean is gutted because Cas is dead. He’s upset about Crowley and his mom, but it’s Cas being dead that’s got him praying to god and punching walls and angels telling him that the love of his life is super fucking dead this time.

“We lost everything. And now you’re going to bring him back.” BONKERS MAN ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BONKERS LMAO

[deansmom]

“I know what you hate. I know who you love.”

Poor Cas was probably like “I can’t even die without somebody giving me shit for loving Dean 😤”

[deansmom]

Dean is so smart!!!! He made a holy oil Molotov cocktail on the fly!!!! Look at him go!!!!

[deansmom]

Have the Winchesters ever used like a ouija board or a spirit box or something? I love my dumb, sweet, self sacrificing son so much, but he really decided to unalive himself to talk to ghosts when those things exist smfh.

I know it’s cause he was depressed and he wanted to d*e but... guys, Dean is so wonderful and kind and important. He carries so much.

[deansmom]

Dean “I’d take a bullet for that dog” Winchester aka my actual son who I birthed