#mac’s mom burns her house down

[charliework16]

love a good charlie kelly wink

[chrliekclly]

literally

[soupy-sez]

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, S6E6

[a3cc54]

[kod-lyoko]

THE SHADE

[translesbianvampire]

dennis' face going from finding sleepwalking dee hilarious to "oh... :(" once dee hurts herself 4 real by tumbling down the stairs

[gorebonk]

Charlie and his mum are actually so adorable I might die

[dennisboobs]

something about dennis calling himself "the fixer". i'm a fixer, it's what i do. the fixer always has a fix. it was a fix. i'm the fixer.

[cutemeat]

the charmac + old lady house combination is truly the perfect set up for the most annoying roadtrip ever i cant WAIT

[moralesmilesanhour]

'cold turkey' except i re-wrote it

summary: exactly what the title says :) unsure what I'm referring to? check my masterlist linked in my pinned post!

A/N: Both the reader and Miles are college students here, so I guess you can imagine comic book Miles as well? But I'll be following the timeline of spiderverse so his mom's alive 🫶🏾 part one part two

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Tell him to turn the corner and I’m right there. Thank you so much, Jeff. Bye!”

You balanced your phone precariously between your shoulder and your ear as you slid the tray of uncooked mac and cheese into the now-heated oven. Shutting the oven door, you sighed and took the phone in your hand to check the time. 

Dinner was in five hours. 

The turkey was ready to be baked, but un-stuffed. The yams were uncooked, and the beans and stuffing had yet to be delivered because Jefferson Morales’ son had gotten lost on the way to your apartment. 

Though you’d lived only a couple houses down, you’d never formally met the boy. Different schools, and you were always swamped with extracurriculars anyway. His mother would give you a warm greeting sometimes after sending him off to school in the morning; you remembered her soft eyes and quick demeanor. The boy seemed to take after his father more, if you remembered correctly. He had a darker complexion and an awkward stiffness to the way he walked, as if someone had reminded him to straighten his posture.

You tapped your acrylics impatiently on the counter as you attempted to recall his name.

Milo…Michael..Milan…? Something like that. 

Whatever, you decided, He’ll tell me his name when he gets here.

As if summoned by your thoughts, the doorbell rang. You sighed in relief as you jogged over to the door.

“Y/N? I got your stuff!” a muffled voice called out from the other side.

Opening the door revealed a boy about your age - lean, and tall enough to take up nearly the entire door frame. His hair had miraculously stayed more or less the same after all these years, only now his afro had morphed into a high-top fade. 

He held several bags of groceries that hung off of both arms and grinned proudly at you, as if he hadn't arrived thirty minutes late.

“You Morales?” 

“Nah, that's my mom,” he joked, “I'm Miles.” 

You rolled your eyes and stepped aside for Miles to enter. 

“Well thank you, Miles, I really appreciate it,” you replied humorlessly, “But if you'll excuse me, I gotta get back to–”

When you reached out to take the bags, he raised them high above his head with ease like they were toys. Your head snapped up to see that his hazel eyes sparkled with mischief. 

“What are you doing?”

“I am terribly sorry, ma'am, but I cannot under any circumstances let you carry all these by yourself.”

“I'll manage,” you replied sharply. Miles raised an eyebrow, challenging you.

“You sure? ‘Cuz I smell smoke from your kitchen, and I feel like you might need the help.”

The smell in question wafted beneath your nose, and your eyes went wide.

“Shit–Fine, bring ‘em in, whatever!”

You spun around and bolted towards the kitchen with Miles following not too far behind.

Your eyes watered as soon as you entered. The oven blew smoke into your face when you opened it, but the fumes thankfully weren't black. 

Grabbing a pair of oven mitts from the counter, you carefully removed the hot tin from its fiery mouth, standing and setting it down in front of you.

The mac and cheese was a golden brown, with a few darker spots here and there. There must've been a piece of food or debris sitting in the oven that you'd missed that had burned instead.

Miles set down the bags of groceries and surveyed the kitchen, watching your stout figure scurry about, flipping switches and turning knobs.

“It's just you in here?” He asked.

“Yup,” you replied while chopping yams. “My sister was s'posed to be here to help, but she's stuck in traffic. So, here I am.”

An awkward silence settled in between you. Even without looking up, you could sense that Miles was still standing there. 

Finally, he spoke:

“You want any help with that?”

You set the knife down and turned to him with a hand on your hip, and tilted your head in amusement. 

“I dunno, Miles. Are you gonna keep standing there like a lost puppy if I say no?”

A grin spread across his face. “I'll make the stuffing!”

You returned to chopping. “Knock yourself out.”

-

After removing some of the plantains he'd bought, Miles rummaged through your fridge. There was garlic–thank God–and chili peppers. After grabbing those, he opened one of the cupboards and found a bottle of olive oil.

While he was painstakingly chopping veggies, he occasionally stole glances at you as you continued preparing the yams.

Your wide nose was scrunched in focus, occasionally pushing a stray box braid away from your face. Cute.

He accidentally caught your eye the next time he looked up, and you paused.

“What?”

Miles cleared his throat, “N-nothing.” 

He turned away and poured the chopped ingredients into a bowl and combined them with the olive oil. 

The smell floated its way over to you. Interest piqued, you peered over his shoulder and watched his nimble fingers expertly peel several ripe plantain bananas, before tossing them in with the chili and garlic. Miles rolled up one of his sleeves to mash everything together, muscles flexing beneath his brown skin with every turn. You noticed a tiny smile ghosting his lips.

“Yes?” He asked. 

Miles hadn't so much as glanced up at you. Was it possible that you'd been staring so hard that you had gotten his attention telepathically?

Startled, you fumbled for an excuse. “You’re uh, really good at cooking. I'm impressed.”

The corner of Miles’ mouth quirked up.

“Sure you are.”

After filling the turkey with the finished mofongo, Miles slid it into the oven where it joined the yams, and shut the door.

The sound of knives hitting cutting boards no longer filled the air, leaving behind yet another silence. And time to kill.

Miles shuffled over to the sink to wash his hands, the sound of only faucet water rushing even more maddening. You decided to break the silence this time.

“So, how’s college? My mom said you went to New Jersey to study.”

“It's alright,” he shrugged as he grabbed a paper towel to dry his hands off with. 

You crossed your arms and grinned. “You givin’ me the parent answer. How's it really going?”

Miles threw the paper towel away, and gave you a lopsided smile.

“Fine. School's kinda whooping my ass, and winter break can't come soon enough. You?”

“Same here,” you sighed, unfolding your arms to rest them on the counter. “Med school ain't for the weak. Labs every five minutes.”

“You gonna be a nurse?”

“Surgeon,” you corrected.

Miles let out a low whistle, making your chest swell with pride.

“What do you study? You look like a student athlete.”

“Whoah, what does that mean?” He laughed and raised an eyebrow.

“That's not what I meant!” You giggled, catching the joke.

“Relax, I know what you meant,” Miles leaned against the counter opposite you. “I'm a physics major, if you must know.”

You nodded thoughtfully. Your guess was way off.

“Never met a future physicist before. Usually it's business, or poli-sci, or something.”

Miles winked, “I'm full of surprises.”

The gesture made your face grow embarrassingly hot. You'd think that spending enough time on campus would make you less susceptible to the charms of pretty boys with high-top fades, but old habits die hard. Still, you held your ground.

“You use that line on every girl?”

“I came up with that just now, so no. Flattered that you think it's good enough for me to have used it before, though.”

Just as you were about to respond, your phone vibrated in your pocket. It was a text from your sister:

“Coming over in 15. Don't forget the beans like last time 💗💗💗”

“Oh shit,” Your hand flew over your mouth. “We forgot the beans!”

You darted over to the cupboard where Miles had said he put the cans of beans in. Unfortunately for you, they had been stacked onto the shelf that you could never reach, hence why it was usually empty.

You stood on the tips of your toes anyway and tried to stretch your arm as far as it could go. When that inevitably failed, you considered climbing on top of the counter when Miles’ voice stopped you.

“I'll get it.”

“Nope,” you grunted, “it's fine–”

“Seriously, it's my fault for puttin’ ‘em up there–”

You turned, the smell of chili peppers and faint cologne hitting you instantly as your eyes met his.

Miles had already reached over your head, and was currently holding a can of beans in his right hand. 

Up close, you could see rows of full, dense lashes that curled upwards and away from his eyes in ‘c’ shapes. Your eyes then fell a bit lower, where a tiny scar ran across his left cheek that made you wonder about its origins. Did he fall off of his bicycle one day? Did he fight? Would it be rude to ask about it?

Meanwhile, Miles' gaze landed on your lips. They were glossy, lined with black and another dark, brown shade. He liked the shape of them. 

Before either of you could make any drastic decisions, the doorbell snapped you out of your thoughts. 

You moved from beneath the cupboard and let Miles keep the beans.

“You can cook those,” you directed as you left the kitchen. “My sister's here.”

Miles blinked and remembered where he was. “Right.”

[astralbondpro]

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia // S06E06: Mac's Mom Burns Her House Down

[nanivinsmoke]

Sneaking Around.

Geto x blackF!Reader

please this is such an odd scenario but yet i sorta like it

summary ~ things that aren’t yours are so much fun to use.

warnings ~ secret sex, revenge sex, ass eating, pussy eating, cream pies, etc…

ah, the day everyone loves. be it the food or being around family, everyone loved this holiday. but, she didn’t. she loved her family like no other, but she hated her family when her sister was around. her sister would tease her and would one up her whenever she got the chance, and this holiday would not end up like that. and to top it off, her family would treat her older sister like a queen, catering to her every needs and praising her like one. and whenever y/n was around, the treated her like a maid; also making her cater to her sister’s every need.

however, that all changed when she got older and moved out. she matured and began to stick up for herself, rarely visiting her parents when her sister was in town; only seeing her on holidays. y/n was in her parent’s bedroom, checking herself out in the mirror; taking pictures, when she heard he sister’s annoying voice echo throughout the house. with the sigh and one last look at her outfit, before heading downstairs to greet her sister.

“you look like you’re about to pop! i can’t wait to meet my grandchild. y/n come greet your sister” their mother spoke, moving out the way so her pregnant sister could be in view. sucking in her breath and pushing away her emotions, she spoke “hello sister. you look beautiful.” her older sister smiled and rubbed her belly, “thank you. you look a little plump there. don’t tell me you’re pregnant too?” her parents chuckled and y/n fake smiled, but before she could say something in response, her sister’s fiancé walked into the house.

“it’s so good to see you again geto! you look as handsome as ever. it’s nice to see one of our children with someone” their mother took another jab at y/n, which resulted in an eye roll from her. “im gonna finish the food. wouldn’t want you burning it like last time” y/n faked another smile, walking away without a response. from the corner of her eye she could see geto looking at her, before she looked away.

once she entered the huge kitchen she quickly turned on their oven, warming up the meats, the mac and cheese and the yams. as she turned on the stove to heat up the collard greens, she felt a pair of hands around her waist and the smell of his cologne entered her nostrils. “geto, someone could walk in and see you—oh I’ve missed you too~” she felt his boner poking her butt and she smiled. the two have been sneaking around her sister’s back, fooling around with each other whenever she wasn’t around. they never fucked, only giving each other head, but this time y/n had something else in mind.

“you know what, let them catch us. i don’t mind, just fuck me” y/n pressed her ass against him, rotating her hips to tease his boner. she didn’t care about ruining her relationship with her sister, she hardly liked her anyway’s. in reality she really wanted to be fucked, hard, and she knew he was going to do that. geto wasted no time and hiked up her orange knit dress, revealing her plump ass to his face. her black thong was being swallowed by her cheeks and the sight made his dick harden even more. sliding the thin fabric aside, geto grabbed her hips and pushed his face in between her cheeks; slobbering down on her wet cunt, earning a moan from her lips.

to stop the moans from her lips becoming too loud, she bit her lips and continued to heat up her greens. “A shame you aren’t married yet, your cooking is amazing. One of your redeeming qualities” Her mother’s voice startled her, causing her to look from the pot and her over to the older woman standing behind the island. Her eyes widened and she tried to push Geto away, but he stayed in between her legs; not caring if they get caught. “Th-thanks m-mom…I’m going to put the cornbread in the oven, dinner should be ready soon” As she tried her best to speak to her mom, Geto swirled his tongue around her clit, sending her in a frenzy.

before y/n’s mother got the chance to ask any questions, her husband’s voice gained her attention; something about their grandbaby kicking. once the coast was clear, y/n bent down slightly and let out as moan and creamed all over his fingers and lips; which geto was happy to lick up. “stick it in, hurry up!” she begged him, no longer interested in foreplay; she wanted the real deal.

he stood up and pulled his cock through his zipper hole, his thickness standing at attention before he pushed his mushroom tip at her slick entrance. using one hand to brace her self and the other to muffle her moans. he bit his bottom lip and furrowed his brows as the sensation, she was nothing like his fiancé.

he wanted nothing to do with y/n’s sister. he only stayed with her because of their unborn child, in reality the woman he wanted was the one whom he was inside right now. “shit, you’re so tight for me ma” he had been around y/n so much he was evening picking up her vocab, some might say he was in love with her. but did she feel the same?

he was so deep into a trance that he didn’t even notice his soon to be mother-standing a few feet away from the kitchen’s island, until her voice startled him. “geto? what are you doing there? did that good for nothing y/n leave you here to finish this dinner?” her mother started to move towards the entrance, but he quickly stopped her while slowing down his strokes. “she went to the restroom for a bit, she asked me to watch the food while she was gone” his infamous smile was very convincing towards the older woman and she smiled right back at him. ‘such a handsome young man’ she thought before waving goodbye to him and heading back to her pregnant daughter.

looking back down at what he was doing, his dick got harder at the sight of her fat ass smothering his dick. “shit~! this wet ass pussy gonna get us in trouble ma’. let’s wrap this up before they catch on” geto grabbed one of her cheeks and put his other hand on her waist and proceeded to give her some long and deep strokes; which she hoped they didn’t hear.

her wetness creating friction against his pelvis was like music to his ears, which cause him to go deeper inside of her wet cunt. his tip was kissing her cervix with each stroke and y/n couldn’t take it anymore, she needed him to fill her up. “fuck geto~ cum inside me please. I want to be full of your cum!” he smirked and licked his lips, he planned on doing that from the beginning. as the two of them climaxed, y/n’s mother voice rang throughout their ears.

“oh my god! her water broke! im going to be a grandma! geto and y/n meet us at the hospital.” her voice trailed out as the door slammed behind them, which signified they all had left. when the coast was clear, he pulled out of her, his thick load pooling out of her cunt.

“go see your baby be born and when thats finished, stop by my place so we can finish what we started” she reached around and dipped her fingers into her slippery cunt, before pulling them out and licking her cream coated fingers.

who knew sneaking around would be so much fun?

[andromedism]

top 5 macden moments?

Thank you for allowing me to think about this even more than usual. ❤️

1. It will always be the RPG handoff in “Tends Bar.” That look on Dennis’ face when he realizes Mac got him a gift, that rare moment of openness and vulnerability. Watched this as it aired back in 2017, and during this part, I jumped out a window and was killed instantly and I’m actually a ghost telling this to you now.

2. Their blowout fight in “Mac Bangs Dennis’ Mom.” Imagine me sitting on my couch tenting my hands together like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons and saying “mm yesss yesss good good” when I watch this scene.

3. I am a sucker for Hugh Honey and Vic Vinager. If I’m reading a fic where they come up, I yell and rip my shirt off like the hulk. I have no shirts anymore. I’ve had to cut holes in reusable grocery bags and wear them. I just got a corner office at work, and immediately bought this art print of them to put up because it’s a canon event in my life to do this.

4. We do have an American hero in the house tonight. A strong man, a brave man. He's the kind of man who knows exactly who he is. He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges, instead of just retreating to the sewers...nude to forage for rings and coins. Or to the toilets. Or to a life filled with rats. He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing double jackknife twist, which I did. Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that. I did it. And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on the trampoline later, on the very same night, which I also did. And I licked her assh*le a little bit. It was pretty good. It was all right. It wasn't great. But it was fine. And I knew that it was gonna be fine because this guy would be here to catch me if I faltered. Yeah. The world is a safer place when he's around. ♪ Did you ever know that you're my hero? Cause you are the wind Beneath my wings. ♪ Thank you. Thanks.

5. Thought about the “Dennis Gets Divorced” boy toy scene for too long and now mascara is dripping down my face (I’m not wearing mascara).

Honorable Mentions:

The little shrug and smile they exchange at the end of MADBU gets me every time. It’s like a scene from a Nora Ephron film. Why would they do that to me, personally?

This should probably be in the top five, and it’s still fresh so I haven’t figured out where to rank it yet, but they shared a bed in “Inflates.” They did that. Them. Woof.

DDL’s “Um...there's really no easy way to say this, but, um, Mac and I aren't just friends. He's actually my, uh...” “Lover.” “Partner” still goes hard. That’s ao3 dialogue right there.

[a3cc54]

[theoddcatlady]

The Actors Who Never Removed Their Masks

I must have been six when I first saw the Mask Troupe.  

Yeah, it had to be six, my mom and I were walking home from kindergarten and she was asking me what I wanted for dinner. I probably said something like mac n cheese or McDonald’s, but that’s not important, because it was then we passed the performers.  

They’d monopolized an entire corner of the nearby park and attracted quite a crowd. My mother was definitely familiar with them, with how she grinned from ear to ear and clapped. “Oh, they’re back! They’re finally back! Tommy, look at the people with the masks!”

And by god, there was an assortment of masks. Animal masks ranging from tiger to mouse, along with some more human appearing ones. Currently a zebra was reading out some sort of dramatic monologue while a white lady mask seemed to dab away at nonexistent tears on her cheeks. It all came to an end when the tiger bowled the zebra over and the two had a mock wrestling match that ended with the zebra pulling the tiger’s arm behind his back and not releasing until the tiger cried out uncle.  

The masks weren’t made of any kind of plastic or leather, they were made from wood. They were incredibly detailed and ornate, the actors just tilting their heads in a slightly different position would entirely change their expression from sad to glad to mad. Yes, the animal ones too.  

It didn’t really have my attention so much as my mom, who was filled with childlike glee. At the end of the show she took me up to one of the male actors. He wore one of the human masks, meant to appear as some kind of king judging by the gold crown on the mask’s forehead.  

I’m sure words were exchanged between my mom and the actor, but I was more distracted by the actors loading up a van with all their props. Not their masks though, no, they kept those on. But what really got my attention was the girl sitting in the passenger seat of the van. She was skinny, her stringy hair hanging crookedly by her shoulders, almost like she cut it herself. Our eyes met and she just seemed… sad. I wanted to go up and say hi to her but right before I was about to my mom gently pushed me forward towards the King.

The King knelt down to my level and took my hand. I couldn’t tell if he was happy to see me or not, but he squeezed my hand tightly before standing and walking back to the van. They all piled in the back and the van drove away with the little girl. I never once exchanged words with her, but the memory of her sitting all alone in the passenger seat was burned into my mind.  

My mother passed away shortly afterwards. She was always troubled, so although my grandmother insisted it was ‘just an accident’, I have a feeling she purposefully jumped in front of the train that took her life. I lived with grandmother after that. She was strict and honestly I was glad when I turned eighteen a few months back and could finally get the hell out of her house.  

I moved back to my hometown. I reconnected with a lot of my childhood friends, managed to find a cheap apartment and a decent job while I scrapped up the cash to maybe one day go to college.

It was starting to rain when I saw the troupe again.

It was the Tiger and the Zebra, setting up a small stage in the park. I hadn’t thought about the Mask Troupe in so long, but seeing them again made those memories flash back to the forefront of my mind. Without even realizing it I was walking to the park, standing in front of the stage. I could almost feel my mom’s hand in mine again, remember the warm autumn sun on my face.

I felt eyes on me and I turned around to see another one of the actors. Another human faced mask, but this one gave off the feel of a porcelain doll, with rosy cheeks and ruby painted lips.

But somehow I just knew that gaze on me.  

“I’m sorry, this is weird, but… have you been with this group since you were a kid?” God, I felt awkward asking, but I had to know.

The girl cocked her head to the side before nodding once.

“I think I saw you then. Sitting in the van. You probably don’t remember me-”

She took my hand and shook her head before gesturing to the spot next to me, tugging at her hair afterwards. It took me a second to realize what she meant. “You remember my mom?” I asked breathlessly.  

The mask might’ve hid her expression but I could feel her smile. 

“She died. About a month or so after that.”

The girl stood still before bowing her head in respect. With that, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a notebook, scrawling out two words before turning it to me.

‘Sorry. Cerys.”

She quickly wadded up the paper and threw it away, it bouncing off the ground. It took me a second to realize what she meant. “Cerys, is that your name?” I asked.

She nodded again and took my hand in hers. We walked together until we ended up at a nearby cafe, where two other masked actors were, the Lion and the Rabbit. It was then I realized each of the masks had a slit where the mouth was, just large enough to allow them to eat.

That was just the beginning of my discoveries about the Mask Troupe. For one thing, they never spoke off stage, occasionally using hand gestures to indicate what they wanted. If that didn’t do it, Cerys would write down one or two words on a piece of paper before throwing it away as fast as she could. Yes, they could speak, but it seemed it was not something they did outside of their shows.  

Cerys ordered me hot cocoa and listened to me talk about how my life had been going since my mom passed. She tugged at her friend’s clothes and drew a line across her forehead. Somehow that was enough for them to understand that I once saw their show and they ended up buying me a dozen pastries to take home.  

When I left, she wrote down her phone number on my hand before hurrying over to the stage that was now set up. I stuck around to catch a glimpse of the show, figuring I’d head home after an act or two.

I stayed for the whole thing. There were skits, plays, jokes… and Cerys sung. And when she sung, I think the world stopped for a second. All I could hear was her. Her beautiful voice, clear as crystal.

I think it’s pretty obvious by now that I immediately got a crush on Cerys. She was just amazing. We hung out whenever I had a free moment and I went to every performance I could. On my nights off, Cerys would invite me to go drink with the troupe. They’d buy all my drinks and I’d learned quickly enough if I wanted one of their attention, I’d just basically call out whatever their mask is, it’d get their attention at least.

I’m not sure how many people are apart of it, but it’s a lot more than I thought. I approximated maybe six, I think there’s easily almost forty people apart of the Mask Troupe. Each person has their own unique mask, and they never take them off. They’re easy to spot around town, I’ll tell you that much.

They also don’t like people recording or photographing their shows. If they catch you, and by god they have a radar for it, all the actors go immediately silent and turn to face the opposite direction. They won’t continue until the camera or phone is put away. I tried once recording Cerys by putting my phone in my bag and turning on record, and somehow they still figured it out. She was pretty ticked at me for a while, and make all the silent treatment jokes you want, I felt pretty bad. I promised never to try that again.  

I made friends with them. They were different, but that was their way of life. After some digging I came to find out they’ve been coming here every few years since the sixties. It’s why people don’t really give a shit when they show up I guess, it’s just… normal.  

But they’re not normal. I knew something was always different. After all, people who always hide behind a mask have something more to hide than their faces, I’ll tell you that.

Although most of the town was cool with them, there were a few hecklers, a few whisperers about how damn creepy the Mask Troupe was. 

One night I was heading back from work when I saw a few of the Troupe- Cerys, Tiger, Rabbit, and Doe, a tall woman with a deer mask who always told jokes on stage. I was about to call out to them and say hello when I saw they were in a hurry to get away from someone- someone who was drunk as hell and being the worst kind of drunk as well. If he wasn’t saying some sort of lewd comment to Cerys or Doe, he was calling them freaks or weirdos.  

It came to a head when he grabbed Rabbit by one of her ears, yanking her down. She didn’t make a sound as she attempted to squirm herself free, but Tiger grabbed the prick’s arm and yanked it away. The women all hid behind Tiger, who might’ve been getting old but he was still one big guy.  

“Did you fucking touch me?” The drunk slurred, and it was only then I saw the bottle in his hand. “Fuck you, ya creepy bastard!” 

He brought down the bottle on Tiger’s head, breaking it. Tiger went down hard, I heard his head crack into the cement. I didn’t think it was so bad at first until I saw the pool of blood forming beside Tiger’s head.

Cerys rolled him over and gasped as his mask tilted. I’d never seen those masks even twitch when they’re doing the most active of scenes, he’d really been hit hard if it was coming off. Her head shook no repeatedly until the mask finally slid off, landing on the ground with a soft thunk.  

In the flickering light of the dying street lamp I saw how unnaturally pale Tiger’s face was. How the skin was uncomfortably moist and wrinkled, like how your fingers get when they’ve been in water for long enough. His eyes were glazed over pale.  

Cerys tried to put the mask back on again and again but it wouldn’t stick, it’d just slip off again. Doe threw her head back and screamed at the top of her lungs, joined shortly by Rabbit, the sound truly of anguish and pain.  

The drunk stumbled away, holding up his hands. “I… I didn’t hit him that hard-”  

was all he got out before Cerys pounced.  

She grabbed him and with strength I didn’t know she had, slammed him into the nearby wall of a closed mom and pop diner. Doe pinned his left arm against the brick and Rabbit joined her, pinning his right. Both women held him still as Cerys picked the mask off the ground.

“Wai-wait! It was an accident! I’m sorry! What are you doing!? Put that mask down!”

Cerys’ mask grinned eerily in the yellowing light as she placed the tiger mask on his face. The drunk screeched in agony as I saw the edges of the mask glow like hot coals and seal to his cheeks and jaw, his knuckles going bone white as his hands clenched.

Then he went still. Doe and Rabbit released him and the man stood under his own power, looking at the other masked members of the troupe. Rabbit clapped his shoulder and Doe shook his hand, welcoming him into their ranks.

Then Cerys turned and saw me. The only other person on this empty street.

I ran. I ran like hell. I locked the door and hid in my room with a baseball bat, expecting people I thought were my friends turn on me for seeing… whatever the hell that was.

I got a dozen texts from Cerys, none I read. I didn’t know what to do. I was half tempted to high tail it back to Grandma’s, tell her the job didn’t work out and that I needed some help.  

They came for me last night. Zebra, Doe, and the new Tiger. They knocked on the door and waited for me to come out. They didn’t barge in. They just knew I had nowhere else to go.

I didn’t resist as they escorted me to one of the motels they tended to take up whenever they stayed in town. No words were spoken, a silence I usually found comforting with the troupe but now felt was choking me. I was afraid. Were they going to kill me? Or would they make me wear a mask too?

Cerys was waiting outside the door of room 111. Her head was bowed and she looked like a mess, her hair tangled and clothes rumpled like she’d slept in them. I imagine if I could see her face I’d see bags under her eyes, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see under her mask.

She opened the door to the room and I was gestured inside. The door closed behind me and I saw I wasn’t alone.

There was a man on the bed, and it took me only a second to remember the man with the King mask. He was much older now, frail, bone thin with only a few strands of gray hair left on his scalp. The only reason I knew he was alive was because his chest was slowly rising and falling.

“Come in, Tommy. Sit next to me, please.”  

Other than the screaming from the night Tiger died, I never heard one of the troupe speak off stage before. Trembling, I walked over to the bed and took a seat.

“Do you remember me?”  

I nodded before realizing he probably couldn’t see me all that well. “Yeah. You were the member of the troupe my mom talked to,” I said.

The King laughed, which came out more like a wheeze. “You don’t remember who she said I was?” He asked.

I shook my head. “No, did she?”  

“Think.”

I did think. And it took a bit of digging, but given how closely I linked that memory with trauma, it took me a minute before I remembered what my mom said when she pushed me towards the King.

“Here, Tommy. This is your father.”

I almost couldn’t breathe. The King’s shaky hand reached over and grabbed mine, squeezing as tightly as he could. “You’ve grown well. By the time we came back to this town, Valerie had already passed on, and you were with her mother. And well, your grandmother never liked me much. Didn’t understand why we did what we did,” He said.  

“What…” I swallowed, my mouth dry, “What do you do? Are you… are you even you?”

“To an extent.” The King stared up at the ceiling. “I changed very much when I became the King, but so did my father. We all do, once we put on our masks and join the show.”

I squeezed his hand back. “Am I supposed to put on a mask now? So I won’t talk about what I saw? What you did to to the drunk that killed Tiger?”

“We needed a replacement, and his body would do. But you’re not going to put on any mask, my son.” His head slowly turned back to me, and I swear I saw the corners of the mask’s lips turn upwards into a grin.  

“You’re going to be a King. You’re my only heir. And it’s now your responsibility to lead the troupe, to wear this mask, until the curtains close.”

I think I can leave whenever I want. Judging by the heart wrenching wails I’m hearing in the motel room next to mine, my dad just passed away.  

I think I can leave whenever I want. But this is not something I should be running away from.

The show must go on, and it’s my duty to make sure it does.

[charliemac]

presenting IASIP EPISODES THAT WERE NOT WRITTEN BY RCG

i counted “rcg involvement” as any episode written by rob, charlie, and/or glenn, including with other non-rcg writers or creating the story but not writing it. every episode in this list does not have rob charlie or glenn credited as writers. excuse my typing errors and also feel free to add/correct anything because this is absolutely fascinating to me

SEASON 2

s2e8 the gang runs for office - david hornsby

SEASON 3

s3e13 the gang gets whacked part 2 - scott marder and rob rosell

S3e15 the gang dances their asses off - david hornsby, scott marder, rob rosell

SEASON 4

s4e4 mac’s banging the waitress - david hornsby

s4e8 paddy’s pub: the worst bar in philadelphia - scott marder, rob rosell, david hornsby

s4e10 sweet dee has a heart attack - rob rosell and scott marder

SEASON 5

s5e1 the gang exploits the mortgage crisis - becky mann and audra sielaff

s5e3 the great recession - david hornsby

s5e4 the gang gives frank an intervention - scott marder and rob rosell

s5e6 the World Series defense - david hornsby

s5e7 the gang wrestles for the troops -scott marder and rob rosell

S5e8 paddy’s pub: home of the original kitten mittens - sonny lee and Patrick walsh

s5e9 mac and dennis break up - Scott marder and rob rosell

S5e10 the dennis system - david hornsby, Scott marder, rob rosell

SEASON 6

s6e1 mac fights gay marriage - becky mann and audra sielaff

s6e2 dennis gets divorced - Dave and john chernin

s6e4 mac’s big break - rob rosell

s6e5 mac and charlie: white trash - luvh rakhe

s6e6 mac’s mom burns her house down - Scott marder and rob rosell

s6e8 the gang gets a new member - david hornsby

s6e9 dee reynolds shaping America’s youth - david hornsby

S6e10 charlie kelly king of the rats - Scott marder and rob rosell

s6e11 the gang gets stranded in the woods - Scott marder and rob rosell

s6e12 dee gives birth - david hornsby, becky mann, audra sielaff

SEASON 7

S7e1 frank’s pretty woman - scott marder and rob rosell

S7e2 the gang goes to the jersey shore - dave and john chernin

S7e3 frank reynolds’ little beauties - scott marder and rob rosell

S7e5 frank’s brother - david hornsby

S7e6 the storm of the century - charles hornsby

S7e9 the gang gets trapped - luvh rakhe

S7e10 how mac got fat - scott marder and mehar sethi

S7e11 thunder gun express - dave and john chernin

SEASON 8

S8e5 the gang gets analyzed - luvh rakhe

S8e6 charlie’s mom has cancer - scott marder and rob rosell

S8e7 frank’s back in business - dave and john chernin

S8e8 charlie rules the world - david hornsby

S8e9 the gang dines out - mehar sethi

SEASON 9

S9e3 the gang tries desperately to win an award - david hornsby

S9e4 mac and dennis buy a timeshare - dave and john chernin

S9e6 the gang saves the day - dave and john chernin

S9e7 the gang gets quarantined - david hornsby

S9e8 flowers for charlie - david beinoff and d.b weiss (game of thrones creators/writers)

S9e9 the gang makes lethal weapon 6 - scott marder

S9e10 the gang squashes their beefs - rob rosell

SEASON 10

S10e1 the gang beats boggs - dave and john chernin

S10e2 the gang group dates - rob rosell

S10e5 the gang spies like U.S - david hornsby

S10e7 mac kills his dad - david hornsby, dave and john chernin

S10e10 ass kickers united: mac and charlie join a cult - scott marder

SEASON 11

S11e2 frank falls out the window - david hornsby

S11e3 the gang hits the slopes - dave and john chernin

S11e4 dee made a smut film - eric ledgin

S11e5 mac and dennis move to the suburbs - hunter covington

S11e6 being frank - scott marder

S11e7 mcpoyle vs ponderosa: the trial of the century - conor galvin

S11e8 charlie catches a leprechaun - jon and josh silberman

S11e9 & s11e10 the gang goes to hell parts 1 and 2: david hornsby and scott marder

SEASON 12

S12e2 the gang goes to a water park - eric ledgin

S12e3 old lady house: a situational comedy - dannah phirman and danielle schneider

S12e4 wolf cola: a public relations nightmare - david horsby and scott marder

S12e5 making dennis reynolds a murderer - conor galvin

S12e8 the gang tends bar - megan ganz

S12e9 a cricket’s tale - david hornby and scott marder

SEASON 13

S13e1 the gang makes paddy’s great again - david hornsby

S13e2 the gang escapes - megan ganz

S12e3 the gang beats boggs: ladies reboot - dannah phirman and danielle schneider

S12e4 time’s up for the gang - megan ganz

S13e5 the gang gets new wheels - conor galvin

S13e6 the gang solves the bathroom problem - erin ryan

S13e7 the gang does a clip show - dannah phirman and danielle schneider

S13e8 charlie’s home alone - adam weinstock and andy jones

S13e9 the gang wins the big game - conor galvin

SEASON 14

S14e2 thunder gun 4: maximum cool - conor galvin

S14e3 dee day - megan ganz

S14e4 the gang chokes - john howell harris

S14e6 the janitor always mops twice - megan ganz

S14e8 paddy’s has a jumper - dannah phirman and danielle schneider

S14e9 a woman’s right to chop - dannah phirman and danielle schneider

S14e10 waiting for big mo - david hornsby

SEASON 15

S15e2 the gang makes lethal weapon 7 - keyonna taylor and katie mcelhenney

S15e3 the gang buys a roller rink - rob rosell david hornsby

S15e7 dee sinks in a bog - david hornsby and rob rosell

S15e8 the gang carries a corpse up a mountain - megan ganz