#lyrics will mostly be for non-mutuals

[deathbxnny]

hello! aventurine, blade and sunday with a teen!reader like margarita blankenheim?

dont know if youre into ec, but its shocking that margarita is canonically 16💀

anyways, reader is very skilled at making poisons, are often in denial about the reality they live in and pretending that theyre happy despite not being happy at all and mostly pretending that their problems dont exit at all, often comparing themselves to a “doll” due to the prolonged explotation and neglect,and much like sunday, they believe that sleep and dreams will make other people and themselves happy

Despite my deep obsession with Vocaloid and Hatsune Miku in general, I have to admit that I never really got into the EC lore, despite still knowing the lyrics to all songs by heart lol. (If you play "Madness of Duke Venomania" at my funeral and I DON'T wake up... then you'll know that I've truly left you guys-)

After post edit: I misread this request and accidentally made it into a romantic relationship with an Aged up reader!! I'm sorry for that Anon but hope this is okay anyways!! :((

Content: Reader is kind of delusional/crazy?, vague mentions of non-descriptive neglect, mostly bitter sweet, romantic relationship, kind of suicidal descriptions in Blades part?, vague brain washing in Sunday's part, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not proofread))

》BLADE

Blade didn't get along with you at first. Mainly because he thought that your insistence on escaping reality was rather futile and pathetic. He saw dreams as a waste of time, always seeking the comfort of the dark reality he was forced to live through to find his way on the dark path he treaded.

And yet, over time and through the many missions you were sent on together, he learned of your own cruel fate and past, one filled with a loveless, neglected existence, akin to a broken, thrown away doll you often compared yourself with. He felt his emotions develop in odd ways for you, a mutual understanding despite your stark differences leading you into an aimless relationship only the two of you could comprehend.

Despite your lack of belief in yourself, that you often hid in utopian daydreams, he still found your talent for poisons rather interesting and even impressive. He had requested a vial of the worst poison you could make once, drinking it all in one go after a warm thank you. It didn't kill him, ofcourse, yet the pain of momentary death by your own hands was enough to drive him into another, much deeper level of appreciation and love for you.

》AVENTURINE

Aventurine understood you from day one, even if he didn't agree with all of your views. He knew the yearning for freedom all too well. He, too, attempted to escape all his troubles behind the mask of a sly gambler, the illusion, however, often shattered by the branding on his neck. You two bond over this silent feeling of helplessness as you try and find your way out of the hell that life created for you. This is what made you become an unlikely couple over time.

He enjoys spoiling you with all he has, perhaps as a way to compensate for the many trips and travels he has to take. It's also a way for him to show his deepest appreciation for your existence in his life, one he doesn't take for granted. He definitely funds your love for poison making, even if he doesn't fully understand why you enjoy it. He, however, views it as his own love for gambling, simply a coping mechanism, which makes him not question it any further than that.

With that said, he views himself as a doll as well, in a way, one especially crafted to be at your side. And yet... if the world eventually teared your strings in different directions, whether it be through the actions of other or even his own, he hoped this momentary solitude you two attained was enough to prove that you are more than your broken past.

》SUNDAY

Oh, how Sunday adored you from day one. You matched his ideals and understood him perfectly. You didn't put him down for his opinions, nor did you judge him for them. Your views were the same, after all. Dreams are an escape from the harsh reality that the "weak" couldn't handle. So where was the harm in coddling and keeping them safe in a realm far from it all? He saw himself as your savior through his plans, one's he eventually crafted to fit your perfect world. He wanted to make you happy, finally repaying you for the love and kindness you showed him.

He doesn't let you view yourself as a doll and often gently lectures you into seeing yourself as his "angel" instead. Every God needed a messenger, after all. Sunday also tries healing you from your broken past, attempting to undo years on years of heartache and pain all on his own. And he KNOWS he can do it one way or another, even going as far as using his tuning ability on you to help. He doesn't see anything wrong with it anyway, since it helps you feel much better, doesn't it?

Your love for poison making confuses him at first... but over time, he sees it as rather useful for the "elimination" of people who cross you both. Don't worry about some of your vials going missing. Just dream on and be happy, just like he always tells you to.

Alrightttt, I hope this was okay, Anon, and thank you again for the request!! (Sorry again for messing up the request, I haven't slept in a while😭😭😭)

[diorkyeom]

「✦」 oh, how i adore you

joshua x dokyeom, non-idols, fluff, angst, humour, mutual pining, friends to lovers, inspired by the song 'jump then fall' by taylor swift

total word count: 22.2k+

warnings: adults drinking alcohol near the beginning, seokmin is scared of heights? but hes good at dealing w it, overuse of "shua hyung"s bc seokmin is a Simp, kissing

summary: "and joshua... well, joshua had realised something. seokmin's laugh was, without a doubt, one of the best sounds that he had ever heard." - in which joshua never really realised that he'd fall for seokmin, but always has and always will do anything for him. and perhaps that should have been his first sign that he'd well and truly fallen for seokmin a long, long time ago.

notes: it's here!! vv heavily inspired by that one lyric in ms. swift's song that goes "without a warning/i realise your laugh is the best sound i have ever heard" bc it's just sooo seoksoo coded. pls b kind to the fic bc it actually took me forever to write lmaoo and enjoy ^^

The day Joshua fell in love with Seokmin started out like any other.

Well, no. That was a lie. But with friends like Joshua’s, it was impossible for any day to be classed as ‘ordinary’. 

On the day he fell in love with Seokmin, he woke up to someone poking him in the shoulder.

Which was weird, because Joshua lived by himself, and his first thought was that it was some intruder coming to murder him as he slept. He couldn’t find it within him to be scared about that, though, still in a mostly-asleep state as the bony finger continued to poke him incessantly right in the shoulder bone.

He was too tired to be dealing with this. Trying to bury his face into his pillow, Joshua reasoned that if someone was trying to murder him, then it was highly unlikely that they’d want to wake him up first, right? 

Either that, or they were an incredibly polite murderer.

“Shua hyung,” the polite murderer whined, and Joshua groaned as the familiar voice finally registered in his ears.

With a heavy sigh, because he now knew exactly who this intruder was, he let himself be manhandled up into a more upright position, propped against his headboard. His eyes were still shut, refusing to accept this disturbance to his sleep.

“Shua hyung,” the person said again, and Joshua could hear the bright amusement in his tone. “Shua hyung, it’s gone 10 in the morning. You promised me cookies.”

Defeated, Joshua blinked slowly as his shoulders were shaken back and forth, making his head loll drowsily like a doll. He squinted blearily.

“Good morning to you too, Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed again, wide and happy as if he hadn’t just forcibly woken his hyung up and was now shaking him around like a baby rattle. He was practically sitting in Joshua’s lap, having clambered over him in order to shake his shoulders, and Joshua really was beginning to feel like nothing more than a toy doll at this point. 

“Good morning, hyung!” Seokmin chirped, and sat back on Joshua’s knees, making the elder let out a small ‘oof’ at the sudden weight. “Now hurry up, you said you’d bake me cookies.”

Joshua sighed yet again. He really needed new friends.

───────────── ‘✦,

Joshua had met Lee Seokmin for the first time during his third year of university. It had been an odd encounter, but it had been an encounter brought on by one Yoon Jeonghan and so, when Joshua thought about it, by that man’s standards it hadn’t really been all that odd in the slightest.

“Joshuji,” Jeonghan had declared one afternoon, opening the door and flouncing through the small dorm into their kitchen, dragging a tall boy by his oversized hoodie sleeve behind him. “Meet the first-year that I’ve collected this year.”

Joshua, who had been peacefully sipping his fifth coffee of the day, didn’t even bat an eye at Jeonghan’s declaration. “Another one?”

Even in the present, Joshua could very truthfully admit that Jeonghan had been the sole reason he’d decided to carry on going to uni in Korea and not turn on his heel and return to the States three months after the first day. 

It was because Jeonghan had had this… thing, where he liked ‘collecting’ first-years in their literature department who he wanted to take under his wing. During their first year at uni, he’d latched onto Joshua, who’d been a confused Korean-American student that Jeonghan had, for some reason, taken an immense liking to. Their second year, it had been Lee Jihoon, prickly and snappish but who had a hyper boyfriend who Jihoon stared at with hearts in his eyes.

It was a weird, almost mother hen-like act from Jeonghan, but it was a sweet habit, and Joshua had long since given up questioning anything that he did. 

And so, a little absently, Joshua had turned to look over at Jeonghan’s newest adoptee, a polite smile on his face, before promptly freezing.

“Meet Lee Seokmin,” Jeonghan had said, proudly, like a mother introducing her favourite son. “Isn’t he just the cutest?”

Joshua blinked rapidly, because goodness, Lee Seokmin really was cute.

He was biting his lips nervously, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie before Joshua finally made eye contact with him, and his eyes rounded as if surprised that Joshua had looked his way.

And then Seokmin waved, before ducking his head, as if attempting to (unsuccessfully) hide behind Jeonghan’s much shorter form. The action was so startingly cute that Joshua couldn’t help the genuine smile that tugged at his lips, giving a small wave back even if Seokmin looked too busy avoiding his gaze to see it.

“Hello,” Joshua said, and awfully, his voice managed to crack on that single word. Jeonghan stifled a snort. In an attempt to cover the awkwardness, Joshua apparently decided it was best to do something even more awkward, and stuck his hand out in Seokmin’s direction. “I’m Joshua Hong. Or, Hong Jisoo. You can call me whatever’s easiest.”

Seokmin had stared down at his hand for several seconds, confused, and Joshua wanted nothing more than to turn back time and restart this entire interaction because really, how much more embarrassing could this get?

Before he could retract his hand, trying to forget the handshake and hopefully forget the new layer of awkwardness, Seokmin leaned over and grasped Joshua’s hand, strands of hair falling into his eyes as he looked up at Joshua, eyes startlingly warm and earnest.

His hair was awfully fluffy, Joshua realised suddenly. And he had big eyes.

He looked like a large, adorable puppy, if adorable puppies were tall uni students who drowned themselves in oversized hoodies.

Seokmin’s cheeks were rather flushed as he shook Joshua’s hand, eyes wide. He had a brief thought that maybe Jeonghan had chased him around their apartment block until he finally reached their floor.

Jeonghan did that sometimes.

And then Seokmin smiled, so brightly that it was like a blinding beam of sunlight, his earlier perceived shyness completely forgotten as he released Joshua’s hand and instead lunged forward to engulf the elder in a hug.

“Hello!” Seokmin chirped, arms still wrapped around Joshua’s shoulders, and when he pulled away, he was still smiling so widely that Joshua felt a little dazed. “It’s nice to meet you, Jeonghan hyung’s told me a lot about you. I like your eyes! Can I call you Shua hyung?”

Joshua blinked rapidly, surprised by the sudden and random bout of chatter coming from the boy, but Seokmin’s eyes were lit up with that white gold light and he was so cute that Joshua couldn’t be anything but endeared.

“Sure,” he said amusedly, and marvelled internally at how Seokmin’s eyes crinkled and he seemed to vibrate happily on the spot. “You can call me Shua hyung.”

Seokmin let out a small laugh, delighted. “Shua hyung!” he cried, and then launched himself into Joshua’s arms again, pulling him in for another hug as the elder stumbled back, arms wrapped securely around Seokmin for balance.

Jeonghan had met Joshua’s eyes over Seokmin’s shoulders, face set in a curiously indecipherable expression. When Joshua furrowed his brows, he just grinned, nodding proudly. “Seems like I chose my first-year very well.”

And, well, Joshua couldn’t say anything at that, because Seokmin still had his face buried in his shoulder and he was just so warm and friendly and also because—

Because Jeonghan might have been the tiniest bit correct.

───────────── ‘✦,

Five years later, however, as the Joshua of the present tried to stop Seokmin from drowning his cookie batter in sugar, he wondered whether Jeonghan had, instead, been very, very incorrect.

“Hyung,” Seokmin complained, when Joshua forcibly wrestled the bag of sugar out of his hands. “Hey, Shua hyung, let me help! I wanna help!”

“You can help by staying away from my poor cookies,” Joshua said firmly. 

When Seokmin wilted pathetically, bottom lip jutting out in a pout, he just poked him in the cheek as he set the sugar far out of Seokmin’s reach. 

“Put the pout away, Min-ah,” he said, using the affectionate nickname that always managed to make Seokmin melt and eventually agree with whatever Joshua said. ““Remember the last time I let you do what you wanted with my cookies?”

Seokmin hung his head. “I almost gave everyone food poisoning,” he muttered miserably.

“You almost gave everyone food poisoning,” Joshua agreed. “Besides, you barged into my house at 10 in the morning to demand that I make you cookies. At least let me actually make them, you know?”

Seokmin rolled his eyes, leaning against the counter as he watched Joshua pick up his wooden spoon and continue mixing the batter. “I didn’t barge in. You gave me the passcode.”

“For emergencies.”

“This was an emergency.”

Joshua shook his head. “Whatever you say, Seokmin. Whatever you say.”

“I do say!” Seokmin said, nodding vigorously. “You promised, hyung. And it’s very important that you keep your promises.”

“Because you always keep yours?”

“I do!”

“Then why haven’t you paid me back for all those times I paid for your food back in uni, hm? When you somehow forgot your wallet while going out for dinner with us?”

Seokmin opened his mouth wordlessly, frowning as Joshua chuckled at him. “Hey,” he said finally. “Don’t bring up my dark past like that.”

Joshua laughed properly, and Seokmin’s face brightened into a smile, as if an automatic response to the sound of someone’s happiness. It was kind of cute, and had Joshua laughing again, leaning over and pinching Seokmin’s cheek with a sticky hand.

“Look at you. You’re like an adorable puppy,” he said, grinning at the residue of sticky dough smeared against Seokmin’s cheek when he pulled away.

“Thanks, hyung,” Seokmin chirped. “So does that mean you’ll allow me to help?”

“No,” Joshua said bluntly, heart squeezing with something warm when Seokmin dramatically made a show of looking disappointed. He leaned over and pinched Seokmin’s other cheek, smearing more cookie dough on his skin. “Just sit there and look pretty while I bake them for you.”

Seokmin grinned, all blinding light. “You think I’m pretty?”

Joshua hummed. “Sure. Not when you have cookie dough on both your cheeks, though.”

“Hyung! You—”

Seokmin huffed, rubbing his cheeks and turning his nose up annoyedly at Joshua, before Joshua offered him a cookie dough-covered spoon not seconds later, and he instantly opened his mouth to obediently lick at it. 

“You really are a puppy, huh?” Joshua shook his head, smiling, and turned back to the mixing bowl. “There. Now shh. Eat that and let me finish your oh-so important cookies.”

Was it kind of weird that Seokmin had barged into his apartment because he wanted cookies? Well, yeah, but that was the kind of friend that Seokmin was. And Joshua was the kind of friend to let him.

If Joshua thought really hard about it, there wasn’t actually any real reason for him to be making Seokmin cookies at all, though. 

There was no special event coming up soon, no celebration or holiday or any reason why Seokmin couldn’t make the cookies himself (save for the fact that he may accidentally leave someone horribly incapacitated in the process).

But last night, Joshua had spent several hours on the phone to Seokmin—something which had somehow become a weekly thing for the two of them, which worried Joshua a little but only if he thought about it for too long—and inexplicably, their conversation had turned to cookies. Seokmin had whined that his favourite strawberry and chocolate chip cookies were no longer being stocked in stores, and before Joshua knew it, he’d promised to bake Seokmin those cookies as soon as he could.

Honestly, the things he did for Seokmin.

Joshua looked over at Seokmin again, who had somehow managed to hop up onto his kitchen counter and was now swinging his legs like a little child, chattering mindlessly while watching Joshua make his cookies for him, and he couldn’t hide the exasperatedly endeared smile that tugged at his lips.

Joshua was always doing things for Seokmin, really. He should start making the guy pay for his services.

Probably.

Seokmin made a delighted noise when Joshua scooped him another spoonful of cookie dough to eat, and Joshua tried not to think too much about why Seokmin’s joy made him feel light too.

“There we go,” Joshua announced, setting down a plate of still-warm, home baked strawberry and chocolate chip cookies onto the table, along with a glass of milk. “Your cookies. Now eat.”

Seokmin lit up, and positively beamed up at Joshua, clasping his hands together. “Oh, wow. They look so good.”

Joshua smiled, pulling up another chair and collapsing into it. “Yeah?”

He watched as Seokmin stuffed a cookie into his mouth, eyes instantly widening as he began nodding his head vigorously.

“The best,” Seokmin said honestly, words muffled, and there was a pink stain of strawberry on the corner of his mouth already. “Shua hyung, how are you always so good at baking?”

Joshua didn’t reply, and just watched Seokmin stuff his face with the cookie, laughing a little as the younger sincerely expressed his compliments, words garbled and unintelligible, and smiled and told him to chew his food properly.

For all of their bickering and teasing whenever the two of them interacted, Seokmin was a soft person at heart, sincere compliments spilling from his lips as easy as daylight.

Speaking of daylight, however, the morning had well and truly come and gone, the early afternoon sun spilling through Joshua’s windows and reminding him that Seokmin had been in his apartment for a good five hours now. He ought to kick the man out soon.

“You’re going to choke yourself if you keep shoving them in your face like that,” Joshua said, nudging the glass of milk closer to Seokmin. “Take your time, the cookies aren’t going anywhere.”

“Yeah, and that’s the problem,” Seokmin replied, cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk as he sipped the milk. “These cookies need to be in my mouth. Right now.”

Joshua chuckled, leaning back in his chair as Seokmin finished off the last of the three cookies on the plate. The rest of the batch were sitting on the cooling rack, waiting to be put into a container for Seokmin to take home, of course. Joshua wasn’t going to go to all the effort of baking cookies if he was only going to make a few.

“Happy now?” he asked, smiling again when Seokmin nodded fervently, beaming, cookie crumbs around his mouth. Joshua shook his head in faux disbelief. “I can’t believe you forced me to make you those cookies.”

“It’s because I’m Shua hyung’s favourite,” Seokmin sing-songed, grinning cheekily. “I’m your most favourite friend in the entire world.”

“Wrong,” Joshua deadpanned. “That’s Jeonghan.”

“Just because Jeonghan hyung’s your best friend doesn’t mean he’s your favourite,” Seokmin said, and Joshua wanted to point out that it kind of did, but Seokmin was already carrying on. “Speaking of Jeonghan hyung though, don’t forget that he’s taking us all to a restaurant for dinner tonight.”

Joshua blinked, closing his mouth. “Really?”

Seokmin looked at him, head tilted, and then grinned. “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“No. Of course not.” Joshua stood up, taking the plate and empty glass and walking into the kitchen. “No I didn’t.”

Seokmin laughed, following Joshua into the kitchen and watching as he washed the crockery. “Oh, you definitely did!” he crowed delightedly, and it was such a Seokmin thing to be delighted by that it had Joshua smiling again, even as he tried to maintain a long-suffering frown. “Can’t believe you forgot all about it. Good thing I reminded you, huh? What would you do without me, Shua hyung?”

Seokmin sounded so endlessly smug, eyes shining for reasons that Joshua couldn’t quite fathom. The warm afternoon light from the windows spilled over his face and gave him a golden glow, and so Joshua finally broke, laughing and drying his hands before ruffling Seokmin’s hair, moving away from the sink and over to the rest of the cookies.

“I dunno. Die?” Joshua suggested, making Seokmin laugh suddenly at the answer.

“Maybe not that extreme,” he said. “You’d probably just miss the dinner that hyung planned to celebrate our friend group’s 2000 day anniversary. Which, actually, on second thoughts, probably would lead to your death,” he added thoughtfully.

Joshua smiled, beginning to deposit the cookies into a plastic container. “In which case, thank you for saving me from certain death, Seokmin.”

“You’re most welcome!” Seokmin said brightly, with a grin. “Do I get a cookie?”

That made Joshua chuckle, looking up from the container to raise his eyebrows at Seokmin. “This entire batch is yours, Seokmin. You can have as many as you like.” 

He placed the container into Seokmin’s hands, and then started walking out of the kitchen.

“Also, you have cookie crumbs all around your mouth.”

Seokmin’s loud whine of annoyance echoed throughout his apartment. “Hyung!”

───────────── ‘✦,

And so that was how Joshua’s morning had gone. Relatively uneventful and, truthfully, rather ordinary (well, as normal as a morning could be when you had Lee Seokmin for a best friend). So Joshua wasn’t truly expecting anything different during dinner that evening.

Their overexcited yells blurred together and echoed noisily throughout the BBQ restaurant, and Joshua laughed into his glass of water as half of the table shouted over each other for some reason or other.

They were getting a fair amount of concerned stares from the general public, which was understandable, because Soonyoung was vibrating like he was due to explode any minute and half of them weren’t even sitting in their chairs anymore, but this was how their dinners out together always went, so Joshua didn’t even bat an eye.

“I’m sure if you strap a jet pack onto the ostrich, then it could definitely fly,” Mingyu was insisting, and Seungkwan stared at him in utter disbelief.

“If you strap a jet pack onto a hippo then it could definitely fly!” Seungkwan screeched, and Wonwoo nodded vigorously in agreement. “Doesn’t mean that ostriches can fly!”

“It does!” Mingyu said, but his eye twitched as he talked. It was a sure sign that he knew he was basically talking nonsense, but Seungkwan looked far too irate to notice. “Flying is when stuff goes into the sky, right? I fully believe that a hippo can fly too.”

Wonwoo’s eye was twitching, too, and definitely not for the same reason that Mingyu’s was. “You think that hippos can fly.”

Mingyu grinned. “I do.”

“I support him!” Soonyoung cried out suddenly, and everyone exploded, eager to take part and voice their opinion.

Their conversation had long ago strayed from being in the realm of anything that made sense, and at the end of the long table that they were all eating at, Jeonghan was quite peacefully picking meat off of his barbeque grill, him and Seungcheol making pleasant conversation and ignoring the shouts coming from next to them.

Joshua shook his head. Typical Jeonghan behaviour.

Ducking his head to avoid Soonyoung’s flailing arms as the younger vehemently defended Mingyu’s (frankly very stupid) opinion, Joshua reached over the table for the bottle of soju, filling up his shot glass and knocking it back, observing his friends with a grin on his face.

So far, the dinner had been going incredibly normally. 

They’d taken part in drinking games, and Mingyu and Seokmin had made a show of cooking the meat for everyone, and the conversation had switched topics hilariously fast a span of fifteen times. 

And Joshua was having a great time. He’d been seated between Chan and Hansol, who were actually rather good people to be seated between, because Hansol ended up dozing off three hours into the dinner and Chan ended up disappearing to sit somewhere on the other side of the table, leaving Joshua in peace to observe and laugh at his friend’s antics.

He’d been doing what he always did at their friendaversary dinners: replace half his shots with water, watch his friends’ drunk arguments (and occasionally interject with one random statement to rile them all up again), and also eat as much beef as possible because, well. Jeonghan was paying. He may as well make the most of it.

Joshua listened to the shaking, booming voice of Wonwoo going “What do you mean you’ve never heard of a penguin before?”, and chuckled. 

Everything was indeed going very normally. 

“Shua hyung,” a voice said in his ear, one bony finger poking right into his shoulder blade before a cold hand pressed against the nape of his neck, making him yelp and turn around.

Seokmin grinned at him from Chan's previously-empty chair, eyes looking a little too bright to be wholly sober.

“Shua hyung,” he said again, his grin full of mischief. “Don’t look so excited to see me. Desperation isn’t a good look on anyone.”

Joshua just rolled his eyes, tweaking Seokmin’s ear for good measure. “As if I’d be excited to see you.” Seokmin pouted, and pressed his entire cold palm against Joshua’s cheek just to be mean. “Hey, don’t put your gremlin hands on me, you brat. Why are your fingers so cold, anyway?”

Seokmin shrugged, holding his hands up and looking at them like he’d never seen them before. “Guess they just get cold really easily.” He looked up, and his smile seemed to widen even further, holding his hands out to Joshua. “Warm them up for me?”

“Warm them up yourself,” Joshua said, but he was already reaching out for Seokmin’s hands, warming his fingers between his palms.

Seokmin just beamed, pleased, like he’d known that Joshua would immediately give him what he wanted. Hands still being held by Joshua, he turned back to the rest of their friends, observing them with bright eyes.

He grinned at something that Junhui said, and Joshua watched him, smiling a little. 

There was always just something about Seokmin’s happiness that made one feel happy too. Back when they first met, five years ago, it had been one of the things that had endeared Seokmin to Joshua in the first place.

Joshua looked back at the rest of their friends, listening as Soonyoung was yet again doing his terrifyingly accurate impression of Seungkwan. He smiled, but didn’t pay attention for long, because next to him, Seokmin slipped his hands out of his grip, clapping delightedly and then raised his hands to cover his mouth.

And then Seokmin laughed: loud, brightly, full of golden light as he tipped back in his chair before leaning forward, yelling encouragement to Soonyoung on the other end of the table.

He laughed again, and Joshua just—

Joshua just watched him. 

He was unable to tear his eyes away as Seokmin snorted inelegantly, bursting into fits of laughter and collapsing into Joshua’s shoulder, seemingly unable to hold himself up due to the force of his laughs.

All he could do was stare down fondly at Seokmin, giggling into him. Seokmin, whose eyes had crinkled so they were nothing more than overjoyed crescents, whose laughter was ringing in the air, and even the yells of their friends had become muffled in Joshua’s ears, his focus solely on Seokmin by his side and his bright, unabashed laugh.

Seungkwan said something then, and Seokmin looked up, eyes bright with mirth as he made to stand up. 

“Hey! Seungkwan!” Seokmin yelled, getting up from the chair and leaning on the table. “Look, you—”

And then he cut himself off, bursting into laughter as Soonyoung said something, arms waving in the air, and Seokmin hurried over to them before Seungkwan could get his hands around Soonyoung’s throat, still laughing the entire time. 

“Hey, let me go! Let me go after Soonyoung hyung! This guy deserves it for sure—”

Seokmin was waved off by Seungkwan, but he still kept a close distance, hovering over the younger with his face crinkled into a smile and seemingly unaware of how he'd left Joshua with his head in shambles on the other side of the table. 

And Joshua… well, Joshua had realised something.

Seokmin’s laugh was, without a doubt, one of the best sounds that Joshua had ever heard.

Which was a good thing, Joshua mused, watching Seokmin from across the table, watching him say something and then burst into laughter at his own words. Seokmin was a chronic smiler and chronic laugher, and could never be seen without his lips curling upwards at something or other, letting out at least a small snuffle of a laugh.

Joshua had heard Seokmin laugh hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Never before had he realised how good Seokmin’s laugh sounded, though. Or how good he looked when he laughed.

Happiness was a good look on Seokmin.

Sometimes, his laughter scrunched his face up hilariously, and sometimes, it turned into loud shrieks more than actual laughs. Even so, Joshua thought it was rather endearing, and still sounded like golden chimes in a spring breeze.

It would be incredibly easy to fall in love with a laugh like that.

Joshua froze, mind going blank as Seokmin tilted his head back, laughing and smiling widely, his golden laughter ringing in his ears. 

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Alright, you three, shut up,” Jeonghan finally interrupted, seemingly having had enough of their fighting. “You’re gonna give me a headache. And you’re going to wake poor Hansol up,” he added, gesturing to Hansol who was still sleeping in the chair next to Joshua.

Seungkwan whined immediately. “Hyung! Soonyoung hyung’s doing crazy stuff again!”

“So is Seungkwan!”

“I know,” Jeonghan said, “but you’re both being ridiculous. Sit down. Why don’t we play a nice, quiet game?”

“Or,” a voice said, “you can leave.”

One of the restaurant workers was frowning at them, and handed Jeonghan the bill. 

“In fact, please leave.”

Jeonghan blinked down at the bill in his hands, before his eyes widened and he made a slight distressed sound. “Who ordered this much beef?” He looked around, eyes wide. “Who ordered all of this?”

Seungcheol grabbed his arm before he could work himself up into a fit. “We’ll be on our way, thank you,” he said to the server, bowing. “Our apologies. Jeonghan, come on, you said you’d pay.”

“I’m not paying for all of this,” Jeonghan said stubbornly, even as Seungcheol pushed him towards the desk. “Cheol, split it with me. Look at this! This is crazy! I swear, when I find out who ordered three different cuts of wagyu beef I’m gonna—”

Their gathering split up rather quickly after that, though it did look like Wonwoo had a difficult time trying to drag an incredibly drunk Chan out of his seat. Joshua was rather grateful though, partly because he didn’t want to stick around if Jeonghan managed to catch a whiff of who’d ordered the most expensive meat on the menu, and partly because it would give him the chance to process the sudden realisation he’d just had.

Jihoon was putting very little effort into dragging Soonyoung away from Seungkwan, while Mingyu was bodily hauling the younger man out of the restaurant. The sight would have made Joshua laugh, only he was too occupied with gathering all of his own things and booking it out of the restaurant and back home as soon as possible.

“Shua hyung!”

A hand suddenly squeezed Joshua’s arm, making him whip his head upwards, almost knocking right into Seokmin’s chin as the younger leaned over him.

“Oh my g—Seokmin,” Joshua said, stepping back a little so they weren’t practically nose to nose. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” Seokmin said, and then grinned. “Are you walking home, hyung?”

Joshua looked over at the counter, where Jeonghan seemed to still be arguing with Seungcheol about splitting the bill. “Probably,” he said. “It looks like those two’ll be arguing for a while. It’ll be, like, three in the morning by the time Cheol drops me back off if I wait for them to be done.”

Seokmin’s lips twisted, eyes round with concern. “You shouldn’t be walking home by yourself at this time of night, hyung.” His face lit up. “D’you wanna come with us instead? Myungho and Junhui hyung are driving me back home. I’m sure they could drop you off too.”

His first instinct was to say yes, of course and that would be great, but his heart was racing unusually fast in his chest, and looking at Seokmin’s bright, earnest eyes for even a second too long made Joshua feel all warm and melty inside, and considering the obscene amount of alcohol he’d consumed (even with his half-water scheme going on) it probably wasn’t a good idea to spend a whole car ride next to Seokmin.

“No thanks,” Joshua said, rather too hurriedly, and then looked down to adjust his shoulder bag, embarrassed at his own abrupt answer. “I mean—I don’t live that far away. I’ll be fine.”

Seokmin looked at him for a long moment, and he must have been more drunk than Joshua thought, because his eyes were coloured with a glittering expression that made him pause.

Seokmin looked almost disappointed.

And then he blinked, and the expression was gone, replaced with a slightly lopsided grin as he pulled Joshua in for a hug then instantly stepped away, wringing his hands together. “Well, goodnight then, Shua hyung,” Seokmin said. “I’ll see you?”

Joshua managed to dredge up his own smile, giving a small wave. “Yeah. See you, Min-ah.”

So Joshua bid him goodnight and the rest of them goodbye, and walked out of the restaurant, his heart thumping in his chest, Seokmin’s smile glowing in the back of his eyes.

And the knowledge that he was in love with Seokmin etched into his brain.

───────────── ‘✦,

Joshua and Seokmin’s friendship went something like this.

They teased, bickered, pinched each other’s elbows and pressed palms against faces. They doted, coddled, cared for each other and talked over the phone until the wee hours of the morning. Seokmin would whine for something, and Joshua would give it to him. Joshua wouldn’t even have to say a word, and Seokmin would be reaching out to hold him, in an instant knowing exactly what Joshua needed.

Seokmin was loud, almost obnoxiously so, but when Joshua went out seeking solace he went to Seokmin first, because Seokmin was always, always soft and comfortable for Joshua.

Joshua sat down on his couch and stirred the sugar into his coffee with a teaspoon, frowning down at it thoughtfully.

Jeonghan was Joshua’s best friend. The other half of his soul.

But even if Jeonghan was half of Joshua’s soul, then Seokmin was the soul that was made to fit with Joshua’s. Not an identical copy of his own, but something that melted and moulded into his edges, slotting together as if they’d been designed to fit into each other all long, like they were—

“Puzzle pieces,” Joshua said to himself, smiling a little fondly. Seokmin was terrible at puzzles. 

He couldn’t help but think of that one jigsaw puzzle that Jeonghan had bought Seokmin for his birthday, and the two of them had bickered for fifteen minutes straight on whether Seokmin would actually be able to complete it. Seokmin said that of course he could, and Joshua said he definitely could not.

(In the end, it turned out that Seokmin could not, but Joshua helped him finish it anyway.)

When Joshua pushed, Seokmin pulled.  Where Joshua was cat-like, easy grins and quick thoughts, Seokmin was puppy-like, bright and boundless energy and endless kindness. Seokmin could never say no to anyone, and while Joshua was getting a little better at it, he could still never say no to Seokmin.

A myriad of not-quite contradictions, of almost-opposites and nearly-differents. Of “Shua hyung?”s and “Yes Seokmin?”s and “Nothing, I just wanted to see if you were still listening to me”s.

Soulmates, but in the truest sense of the word—the person whose soul was meant to reside next to his.

Joshua set down the teaspoon, frowning thoughtfully. When he put it like that, it did sound an awful lot like they were in love. Perhaps he should’ve realised he’d fallen for Seokmin a lot sooner.

Because that was what it was, wasn’t it? Joshua had fallen for Seokmin, perhaps long, long ago, fallen for his entire being and everything he was.

And it took him listening to Seokmin’s laugh to finally realise.

His phone rang, then, a wonderful tune of Jeonghan screaming really loudly that the man had set as the custom ringtone for himself, and with a sigh, Joshua set down his coffee and picked up. 

“What do you want?” 

“Let’s go out.” 

“No thanks. I’m flattered, Han, but I don’t like you in that way.” 

“Idiot,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua chuckled. “Come on, let’s go for a walk down the river.” 

Joshua hummed, looking down at his coffee, tracing a finger over the rim of the mug. “What if I have plans? And what if I don’t want to go out?”

“Joshuji. If you were busy, you wouldn’t have picked up so fast,” Jeonghan said, tone patronising, like this was obvious. “It’s a very nice day for a walk today, you know. Also, Seungcheol’s coming. We all wanna go on a walk together, so join us.”

That made Joshua wrinkle his nose. “No thanks. I don’t have plans to be a third wheel today.”

There was a pause.

“I’ll ask Seokmin to come too.”

Joshua blinked, and then cursed his own heart for jumping hopefully at the mere mention of Seokmin’s name. “And why are you telling me that?”

“Just because,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua could almost picture his flippant shrug. “He said he hasn’t seen you in a week. Have you been avoiding him, hm?”

“No,” Joshua said, and then coughed. Jeonghan hummed sceptically at his words.

“Sure.”

“Why would I be avoiding him?” Joshua continued. “He can come invade my home whenever he wants. He’s done it before. I’m not avoiding him.”

Joshua was definitely avoiding him.

It had been a week since their friendaversary dinner, and Joshua hadn’t seen Seokmin once, too preoccupied with sitting on his couch, staring blankly at the wall and contemplating the fact that he was in love with Seokmin.

He couldn’t bring himself to see Seokmin, not just yet—not before he was sure that he wouldn’t do something utterly ridiculous when they next saw each other. He wasn’t keen on abruptly professing his love the moment he saw Seokmin’s face. Or ruffling his hair and kissing his cheeks and staring, wide-eyed and in awe as Seokmin did something painfully ordinary, like breathing or being alive or just smiling even remotely in Joshua’s direction.

Joshua blinked rapidly as suddenly, his thoughts conjured a vivid image of Seokmin beaming at him, his sunshine smile glowing prettily in his mind’s eye.

“Maybe Seokmin wants you to be the one to come and see him first,” Jeonghan suggested when Joshua didn’t say anything.

Joshua ignored him, dragging a hand down his face. “Why would you telling me that Seokmin’s coming change my answer, though?”

“Oh, it will,” Jeonghan said cheerfully. “I know things, Shuji. So come on out, we’ll meet at the front of Cheol’s house in fifteen minutes. See you.”

He hung up, then, leaving Joshua to stare down at the blinking contact, shaking his head and wondering whether Jeonghan actually knew something or if he was just being Jeonghan yet again. 

And then, he got up from the sofa and went to his room to get ready.

───────────── ‘✦,

Yoon Jeonghan, that little rat.

“Yoon Jeonghan, that little rat,” Joshua muttered, watching as Jeonghan walked away, arm slung over Seungcheol’s shoulders. It was a bit of a struggle, because Seungcheol was one broad guy, but Jeonghan managed.

Of course he did. He'd do anything to ensure the success of his schemes, and this was all part of his ploy to abandon Joshua with Seokmin.

Seokmin, who was pressed close to his side, as they both watched Jeonghan and Seungcheol walk away.

Seokmin, who just turned to Joshua with a bright smile, seemingly undeterred by Jeonghan’s horrific betrayal. 

“Well,” he chirped, eyes crinkling prettily, and suddenly Jeonghan’s betrayal didn’t feel so bad. “Guess we get to spend the rest of the afternoon as just the two of us!”

Indeed they did.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol had been with them for a total of forty five minutes before suddenly, an inescapable emergency emerged, one that urgently required both of them to rush home and leave Seokmin and Joshua alone. Not before insisting that they had to finish the walk together, of course.

Cursing Jeonghan inwardly, Joshua plastered a smile onto his face, a smile that softened into something a little more genuine as Seokmin continued beaming.

“Yeah. Seems like it’s just us.”

The gentle rushing sounds of the river seemed to gurgle in harmony with Seokmin as the younger resumed his chattering, the two of them continuing their leisurely strolling alongside the river.

It really was a nice day for a walk. Joshua hadn’t really had the chance to appreciate how pleasant everything was that day, too busy avoiding Seokmin and even trying to squish himself between Jeonghan and Seungcheol so that he didn’t have to talk to Seokmin for too long and stare into those pretty, pretty eyes.

But now Joshua had no choice but to walk with Seokmin and so, accepting his fate, he was able to look around and acknowledge that today truly was a nice day.

The sun shone brightly, glistening and glinting off of the waves of the river, off of the leaves of the trees, off of the sparkles in Seokmin’s eyes. There was a pleasant breeze, rustling the reeds and ruffling Seokmin’s hair and giving him an adorably windswept fringe that he kept brushing back with one, delicate finger. It was a nice day to look out at the picturesque river, at the general public going about their daily business, at Seokmin’s adorable eye crinkles as he animatedly told a story.

Okay. Maybe Joshua spent half the time staring at Seokmin’s face rather than doing anything else.

It was kind of unavoidable, however, given the way that Seokmin was comfortably pressed into his side, his hands warm as they tucked themselves into the crook of Joshua’s elbow, clinging to him in a way that Joshua, admittedly, thought was very adorable. And Seokmin kept talking, his voice bright and bubbly and every time he smiled, Joshua had no choice but to direct his full attention to Seokmin and Seokmin only.

“And I just watched them the entire time, seeing what they would do after they saw the seagull slip on the log and fall off. Because surely they’d try to go around the log, right? But then the ducks just—” Seokmin cut himself off, one hand coming up to muffle the laugh that escaped his lips, and Joshua found himself smiling too.

“The ducks did what?”

“They just waddled up to the log and one by one slipped off and landed into the water,” Seokmin laughed, and mimicked a duck’s waddle with his head before putting on a dramatically surprised face and pretending to fall into imaginary water.

It had Joshua laughing, endeared, steadying Seokmin as the younger stumbled into him. They really were walking quite close together.

This was the unfortunate thing about being friends with a Lee Seokmin for five years. The man developed a complete lack of understanding for something called ‘Joshua’s personal space’. 

It was a concept that didn’t exist. Not to him, not when they’d known each other for far too long after Jeonghan had introduced Joshua to him all those years ago. For Seokmin, it was totally natural to be practically walking together as one person with Joshua as they made their way down the riverbank. Totally normal for him to be leaning into Joshua most of the time, rather than actually standing on his own two feet.

Joshua wouldn’t normally have a problem with it. He was well aware of Seokmin’s clinginess, and would either respond by pushing him away or letting him do what he wanted, without thinking too much about it.

Now, though. Now things were different. 

Because he was in love with Seokmin, and that made everything a lot harder.

“Did you know that ducks are half-nocturnal?” Seokmin said abruptly, and Joshua blinked.

“I did not know that,” he said. “Why do you know that?”

Seokmin just shrugged casually, his shoulder bumping against Joshua’s. “Got bored,” he said. “Remember, like, a month ago, when you just kept talking about all your different cousins for an hour straight and you accused me of not listening to you?”

“I do. You started sulking.”

“Yeah!” Seokmin grinned, like it was no big deal. “Well, I lied to you, hyung. I wasn’t listening. I was searching up duck facts.”

“Wow.” Joshua stared at him. “You’d choose searching up duck facts over listening to your own hyung talk? I’m hurt, Seokmin. How could you?”

Seokmin only laughed, reaching out for Joshua when the elder dramatically ripped his arm away from his hold, beginning to speed-walk down the path away from him. It didn’t take long for Seokmin to catch up with him again, latching himself to his side once more, even when Joshua refused to look at him.

“Shua hyung, I didn’t mean it like that,” Seokmin whined, pouting. When Joshua didn’t react, he whined again. “Shua hyung! Hey, hey, pay attention to me.”

Joshua steadfastly avoided looking over at Seokmin. Part of it was to keep up the act of being mad at him, but part of it was because if he looked over at Seokmin at that moment, there was a good chance that Joshua would simply combust on the spot.

When Seokmin pouted like that with his huge, round puppy eyes and made those whining sounds in the back of his throat, it was so utterly endearing that it took everything in Joshua to not just fall to his knees right then and there. Seokmin was quite easily one of the most adorable people that Joshua knew, and what made matters worse was the fact that Seokmin didn’t really seem to know just how adorable he really was.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin said again, very sadly, and Joshua finally looked at him. The moment they made eye contact, Seokmin’s entire being positively lit up, and Joshua had to look away again.

Goodness. It was so hard being in love.

“Alright, I forgive you,” Joshua said, before Seokmin could do something ridiculous like pout all pathetically and whine out a sad Shua hyung again.

“Cool!” Seokmin said instantly, beaming, the earlier sadness wiped from his expression like it never even existed in the first place. “That’s good, ‘cause you’re my favourite hyung, Shua hyung, so I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

Seokmin sounded like he was teasing, when he said it like that, but Joshua couldn’t be too sure. Thinking about it for too long made his head feel all dizzy.

Woah. This really wasn’t good.

While Joshua didn’t necessarily dislike being in love with Seokmin, because it was impossible to put the word ‘dislike’ and ‘Seokmin’ in the same sentence, it dawned on him now that it made it very hard to function normally around the younger man. It made him feel all melty and gooey inside whenever Seokmin so much as looked over at him, and when Seokmin smiled, Joshua could feel himself melt and could hardly even think straight for several seconds after.

But, well. Seokmin was grinning widely at him, tugging his arm to pull him along the path and saying there was normally a very nice lady selling roses on the riverbank and wouldn’t Shua hyung like a rose too?, and he was being just so very Seokmin that it made Joshua smile.

“Of course,” he said, chuckling, as Seokmin slipped his hand into his and they began jogging down the path. “Of course I’d love a rose. Only if you’re paying, though.”

───────────── ‘✦,

“I'm in love with Seokmin,” Joshua declared, loudly, the moment he opened the door to Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s shared apartment.

Seungcheol blinked at him from the hallway, a half-eaten slice of toast on the floor from where he’d dropped it in surprise at Joshua's sudden entrance.

“Um. Nice to know?” he said. “Took you long enough, though.”

Joshua blinked back at him. “Where’s Jeonghan? Why are you here?”

“Hey. I live here, you know,” Seungcheol pointed out, before bending down and picking up his slice of toast. He winced down at the crumbs. “Dang, that’s gonna bring in ants. Also, why are you here?” he asked, in Joshua’s direction. “And how did your date with Seokmin go?”

“It was not a—wait, if you knew I wasn’t in love with Seokmin yet, why did you set us up like that? How did you know I’d fall in love with him in the first place?”

“Because you’re you,” Jeonghan said, emerging from somewhere with a handheld vacuum cleaner in hand. He handed it to Seungcheol, who stared at him like he was some sort of holy saviour. “And because Seokmin’s Seokmin. It was bound to happen at some point.”

Joshua frowned. “That doesn't make sense.”

“Believe what you wanna believe,” Jeonghan said, shrugging. “Anyway, why did you barge into our apartment like this?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Joshua frowned again. “I hate you for abandoning us today at the river.”

“Hey, we were being helpful!” Jeonghan said, over the sound of Seungcheol noisily vacuuming up the crumbs. “Did you not have a good time? Seokmin even bought you a rose, it seems.”

“What?” Joshua looked down at the plastic-wrapped rose in his hands. He’d come straight from his walk with Seokmin to Jeonghan’s apartment, and he’d completely forgotten that he was still holding the rose. “How can you be so sure that Seokmin bought it for me? Maybe I bought it for myself.”

Jeonghan smiled, all-knowing. “This is Seokmin we’re talking about, Joshuji.”

“So?”

“So,” Jeonghan said, “you should come in. Or do you wanna stay by the doorway forever?”

Fifteen minutes later, Jeonghan had ushered him into the living room and seemed to be attempting to stuff Joshua with all the snacks in the world before he left.

Joshua sighed. “Come on, Jeonghan, why are you—”

Jeonghan simply shoved a lollipop into Joshua’s mouth, effectively shutting him up. “Shh. Let me do the talking, okay?”

“Hey, I’m the one who came to talk to you,” Joshua protested, taking the lollipop out only for Jeonghan to shove it back in again. “Why are you—What do you even have to say to me—”

“I have a lot of stuff to say to you,” Jeonghan said, and then his face abruptly morphed into a stern expression. “I am very displeased with your behaviour, Joshua-ssi.” He waved a finger in Joshua’s direction. “You haven’t been treating Seokmin well.”

Joshua choked on his lollipop. “What?”

“You’ve been avoiding him,” Jeonghan said, still in that stern tone. 

“Avoiding him? What do you mean?”

Jeonghan straightened, adjusting imaginary glasses and began listing off of his fingers. “First, you talked to Seokmin for a grand total of 7 minutes and 43 seconds during our friendaversary dinner the other week. Out of a five hour gathering? That’s terrible.”

“Were you timing us?”

“Next, you ignore him for a whole week. You don’t call him, nor do you reply to his texts, nor do you even text him first.”

“I never reply to anyone’s texts.”

“And then today,” Jeonghan declared, throwing his hands up like a grand climax, “you did everything in your power to avoid him entirely while we were all walking together. I’m terribly displeased with you, Joshua-ssi.”

Joshua raised a hand confusedly, the lollipop held in the other. “Okay, Jeonghan, what are you talking about? Why are you displeased?” he asked. “Also can we, uh, backtrack a bit? You didn’t fully acknowledge the… thing.” He reddened slightly. “The fact that I have, uh, feelings for… him.”

“Hm?” Jeonghan unwrapped a chocolate, offering it to Joshua before abruptly popping it into his own mouth. “Oh, I knew about that.”

Joshua’s eyes widened. “How?”

“That dinner, for starters,” Jeonghan said with his mouth full. He shook his head at Joshua’s surprise, the ‘you’re being weird right now’ tone clear in his voice. “Honestly, did you black out for the entire evening? You were watching Seokmin the entire time, Joshua. Seungcheol even has a video.”

“I do,” Seungcheol said, his voice appearing out of nowhere right over Joshua’s shoulder, making him jump.

“Oh my—Where did you come from?”

Seungcheol just grinned, whipping out his phone and showing Joshua the video.

And the video was… pretty incriminating. It was a little blurry, made ambiguous by the haze of smoke wafting from the meat and the frankly terrible cameraman-ship, but Joshua could recognise himself easily. 

He watched as video-Joshua sat back in his chair, glass in hand, and there were about five people standing up and yelling at each other on screen but video-Joshua’s gaze was unmistakably, undeniably fixed on Seokmin and Seokmin alone, eyes crinkling adoringly, smiling so ridiculously wide as Seokmin just continued talking, entirely oblivious.

Seokmin said something intelligible, words lost to the noise of the restaurant, but video-Joshua just smiled even wider, eyes turning into endeared crescents and Joshua could almost see the hearts emanating from his own gaze. 

“Huh,” he said weakly, once Seungcheol vanished after showing him the video. Like he was nothing more than a cameo in Jeonghan's entire interrogation, or something. “Well.”

Jeonghan nodded, smug. “Although, I did know even before that,” he added. “I predicted it from the moment you first met him. I wanted to show you the video, though, because it makes it pretty obvious.”

“The mome—you know what, I’m not going to ask,” Joshua said, and then sighed. “Alright, so you know. And you have nothing to say about it?”

“Other than the fact you should stop being mean to Seokmin?” Jeonghan shrugged, taking out another chocolate and eating it. “Nope. You guys would be great together.”

“What?” Decidedly ignoring that last statement, Joshua waved the lollipop he was still holding in Jeonghan’s direction, annoyed, and in answer, Jeonghan just shoved it back in his mouth again. “I’m not being mean to him. When am I ever mean to him?”

He took the lollipop out of his mouth again  and then set it down on the coffee table, ignoring the affronted noise Jeonghan made when the sticky sweet came into contact with the wood. 

This entire conversation was not going how Joshua thought it would. He’d expected at least some degree of surprise from Jeonghan, maybe even a little bit of comfort whilst Joshua had a small mental breakdown in front of him. He certainly hadn’t expected Jeonghan to somehow already know everything, even before Joshua knew. Nor had he expected to be scolded for how he’d dealt with his feelings.

“This past week! I just told you, Joshua-ssi,” Jeonghan said. 

“Can you stop calling me ‘Joshua-ssi’? It makes it sound like you’re mad at me.”

“I am mad at you,” Jeonghan responded, sniffing and turning his nose up. “Okay, but seriously, Seokmin thought that he’d done something wrong. He thought you were upset at him, which is exactly why I made you come out on that walk today.” He stabbed a finger in Joshua’s direction. “You, sir, are terrible at handling your feelings.”

Joshua sighed. “Can you blame me, though? Being in love is—is weird. Seokmin is just so…” He paused, wringing his hands. “He’s so sweet and kind and genuine and realising that you’ve fallen for someone like that is, I think, a very justifiable cause for having a breakdown for a week.”

Jeonghan frowned. “It makes it sound like you don’t think he’d like you back.”

“Of course he wouldn't,” Joshua said, like it was obvious. “He’s Seokmin, and I’m—” Joshua swallowed, a lump rising in his throat. “I’m just me.”

“Just you?”

“Look at it this way,” Joshua explained, since apparently Jeonghan didn’t understand this horribly simple concept of Joshua being literally a potato compared to Seokmin. “Seokmin is a star, a brilliantly shining ball of light. And then this is me.”

Joshua unwrapped one of the chocolates, holding up the brown ball. Jeonghan blinked at it, before taking both the wrapper and chocolate from him, popping the treat into his mouth.

“I still don’t get it,” Jeonghan said. “So what? Chocolate is yummy.”

“I like him too much to risk melting away under his Sun, if I get too close,” Joshua explained, and then shook his head. “Seriously, I like him so much, Jeonghan. Him and his smile and his laugh and that ridiculously loud voice of his…” He smiled slightly, and then sighed. “I like Seokmin far too much to risk even thinking about if he could like me back. It’d ruin our friendship.”

Jeonghan tilted his head. “Is it really that absurd to consider that Seokmin may like you back?”

Joshua thought of Seokmin and his golden smiles, his beautiful bright voice and his gentle hands and his warm presence, and swallowed.

“Yeah,” he said, a little hoarsely. “I think it is.”

There was a short silence then, as Jeonghan bit his lip, seeming to soften a little at Joshua’s answer, a complicated expression filling his eyes.

Then he leaned over and hit Joshua over the head with the chocolate wrapper.

“Hey!” Joshua protested, brushing at his hair. “Why did you do that?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” Jeonghan said matter-of-factly. “You think it’s absurd? I think you’re absurd, Joshuji.” Oh, good, at least he wasn’t calling Joshua ‘Joshua-ssi’ anymore. “You're being a coward. Don’t deny it, it’s true. Taking a whole week to process your feelings? Please. You were just hiding because you were scared.”

That made Joshua wince a little, because Jeonghan was, unfortunately, quite correct.

“Just take that leap,” Jeonghan said, gentler. He poked Joshua in the cheek affectionately. “Jump. Jump towards Seokmin, Joshuji, because I promise, he’ll be there for you. Even if he doesn’t feel the same. Which, I assure you, is highly unlikely.”

Joshua’s eyes melted, irises looking a little shiny. “But what if I jump and just… fall?”

“He’d never let that happen,” Jeonghan promised. “Jump and fall into him, Joshuji. He’s there to catch you.”

───────────── ‘✦,

It was only a few days later that Joshua realised Jeonghan had essentially told him to confess. Luckily for Joshua, though, there was no way on Earth that was happening.

“You’re an idiot,” Jeonghan said into his ear. “The biggest idiot I’ve ever met. Even more of an idiot than Mingyu, which is definitely saying something.”

“I’m not doing it, Jeonghan,” Joshua said with a shake of his head. “I don’t know why you thought that I would.”

“I gave you a whole emotional speech and everything! Of course I thought you would!”

Jeonghan had called him five minutes ago, asking if everything had been going well in regards to ‘The Business’, where it had been revealed that Joshua a) had no idea what ‘The Business’ was, and b) had not gone through with it at all.

“Listen, Joshua. Seokmin, he’s always talking ab—” Jeonghan cut himself off again with a frustrated groan. “I’m friends with idiots. All of you are idiots.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Please do it,” Jeonghan said, and now he sounded like he was begging. Joshua didn’t quite know why. It wasn’t like the world would end if he didn’t confess. “For my peace of mind, please confess.”

“For your peace of mind?” Joshua repeated. “What?”

“The weather looks pretty good next weekend,” Jeonghan added. “Seokmin hasn’t gone to the amusement park in a while. He’s always said he wanted to go on the ferris wheel, even though he’s scared of heights. And you know how much of a romantic at heart Seokmin is.”

Joshua frowned. “Why are you telling me this?”

“You know why.” Jeonghan didn’t add anything further to that statement. “Anyway, I gotta go. See you. Make use of this info, okay?”

“What am I even meant to use it f—Jeonghan? Jeonghan?” Joshua looked down at his phone, where Jeonghan had abruptly hung up on him, mystified. He really wished sometimes that Jeonghan would do things that made sense.

He set down his phone, tilted his head back, and sighed. He was sighing an awful lot these days. He was just considering whether being in love could give you some sort of illness that caused excessive sighing when his phone rang again, but this time with a different ringtone: Seokmin’s ringtone.

Joshua had annoying and clingy friends who, apparently, really loved customising their ringtones on his phone.

“Hello, Seokmin,” Joshua said, unable to stop the small smile spreading across his face as the name left his lips. “How are you?”

“Good evening, Shua hyung,” Seokmin chirped, and he sounded so lovely and bright that the smile on Joshua's face widened a little. “I’m doing good! I was just calling because it’s a Friday, and we normally call on Fridays, so I was just—I wanted to call you.” He fumbled with his words, stumbling a bit before hurriedly adding, “Of course, if you’re busy, we don’t have to talk! Since, like, we didn’t call last week, if you don’t want to from now on then I totally respect your decision, you know?”

“No, it’s okay,” Joshua interrupted, before Seokmin could begin spiralling. “I mean. Yes. I’d like that. For us to continue calling, that is.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah,” Joshua said, biting his lip to stop himself from smiling ridiculously wide to himself. “Yeah, really.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said again, after a flusteredly warm silence. He coughed a little. “Um, in which case, I’d really like that too.”

Joshua closed his eyes and leaned back, smiling into the phone and trying desperately to calm down his heart because goodness, it should be illegal for someone to make him feel this fluttery on the inside.

“So, anyway,” Seokmin said, and even Joshua could detect the smile in his voice, “I heard that it’s going to be really sunny for the next week or so! Seungkwan wants to plan a long weekend where we all go to the beach to make the most of the sun.”

“Does he really?” Joshua said, with a laugh. “Just because it’s sunny doesn’t mean it’ll be warm, though.”

“That’s exactly what I told him! But he’s still insisting we go,” Seokmin complained.

“What, all of us?”

“I think so. He’ll definitely drag me along, at the very least. Me and Soonyoung hyung and Hansol and Chan. Chan’s definitely going to ditch, though,” Seokmin said conspiratorially. “I think he’s gonna make up some pretend event that he accidentally double-booked himself with so that he doesn’t have to go.”

“Oh, really?” Joshua said with a laugh. “Seungkwan’s not gonna like that at all.”

Seokmin laughed too, bright and delighted, and if possible, Joshua’s smile widened. “He’s really not. I’m also really hoping he’s joking. Because otherwise, I might have to accidentally double-book myself too so I don’t have to go.”

“What would you double-book yourself with?”

“Hm, well…”

Joshua liked talking to Seokmin. Not only because he was in love with him (a fact he was slowly getting used to, having repeated the words so many times to himself) but because Seokmin was an incredibly fun person.

Without a doubt, every time they talked, Joshua would find himself laughing, either because of something he’d said or in response to Seokmin’s own laughter. 

And as Seokmin continued talking, little laughs escaping him whenever he thought of something particularly funny, Joshua listened intently, the smile still on his face. Seokmin really did have such a wonderful laugh, he thought, a little fondly. Beautiful, like golden bursts of light.

“Poor Hansol’s gonna get dragged into Seungkwan’s whole thing, though,” Seokmin was saying, and then laughed. “He's so whipped that he’ll literally do anything that he wants, no questions asked.”

Joshua chuckled. “That sounds like a very Hansol thing to do.” 

“Yeah,” Seokmin laughed, “So Seungkwan’s telling us to keep next weekend free. So of course, I’m gonna do my best to book up my entire weekend.”

Joshua chuckled, about to say something before blinking, Jeonghan’s weird information dump from earlier suddenly hitting him like a lightning bolt, as if someone had struck him on the head with it to remind him of Jeonghan’s words.

“Hey, Seokmin,” he said after a moment. “If you’re trying to book up your weekend, then do you want to go to the amusement park with me?”

A pause.

“Seokmin?”

“Sorry, sorry.” Seokmin sounded a little wheezy, like he’d run a marathon in those last three seconds of silence. “What did you say?”

“I was asking if you wanted to go to the amusement park with me,” Joshua repeated, trying to keep his voice steady and calm. If he started having a breakdown at that moment, there was a good chance that Seokmin would say no. Maybe. Probably. 

Another pause.

“Seokmin?”

“Yes,” Seokmin replied, the word leaving him as a rush of air. “Sorry, hyung, there was just—something. I had something in my, uh, ear. But yes. I’d love to go to the amusement park with you next week.”

Joshua breathed a silent sigh of relief, the beginnings of a smile making the corners of his lips twitch upwards. “You would?”

“Yeah, of course I would!” Seokmin said a little too quickly, and then coughed. “I mean. Yes. You’re my favourite, how could I not?”

That made Joshua laugh, certain that Seokmin was teasing, just like how they always teased each other. “You’re my favourite too,” he said back, smiling. “Okay, in which case, I’ll book the tickets and text you the details, okay? Would you prefer Saturday or Sunday?”

“Any. We can even go both days so I can avoid Seungkwan’s trip, if you’d like,” Seokmin offered, and Joshua laughed again.

“Got it. Well, I guess it’s a date,” he said, too delighted at the prospect of spending time with Seokmin like this to fully process the words until they had left his mouth.

To his surprise, however, Seokmin didn’t seem to freak out, or pause for a scarily long time that made Joshua rethink his entire life’s decisions.

Instead, Seokmin laughed: a sweet, melting sound, all delicate and tiny, like little stars.

“I guess it’s a date,” he agreed, almost shy. Joshua didn’t get to dwell on it for long, though, because Seokmin was already launching into the next conversation topic that popped into his head, rambling about some new training regiment thing that Mingyu recently dragged him into that left him with an aching body for days on end.

And Joshua listened, the smile dancing across his lips, the blush warm on his cheeks, realising that he’d finally accepted that he was in love with Seokmin, now, and he wanted only one thing.

To stay close, by Seokmin’s side, and jump and fall right into his arms.

───────────── ‘✦,

“So that’s how I ended up securing this date,” Joshua finished, and Jeonghan stared at him, eyes wide, mouth open.

“You actually did it,” he said, the surprise evident in his tone. “Wow. I thought you’d chicken out again.”

Joshua punched Jeonghan in the shoulder, giving the man a wry smile. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said dryly. “This isn’t even a real date, though. I don’t know why you insisted on coming to drop me off.”

The two of them were waiting outside the amusement park entrance, because Joshua had told Jeonghan that he’d booked the tickets for himself and Seokmin, and the man had instantly insisted that he’d drive Joshua there and hear all about how it had happened.

So here they were, chatting and standing around, waiting for Seokmin to arrive. 

Jeonghan shrugged. “I wanted to hear the story.”

“Of course you did,” Joshua said, not unkindly, a small smile raising the corners of his lips. “No but, also, I realised something, during that conversation.”

“What?”

“I had time to think it all over, right? And I was just thinking that I didn’t really want to run away from him,” Joshua explained. He smiled, his gaze distant. “I want to stay close to him. ‘Cause I really, really like him a lot.”

Jeonghan looked over at his best friend, noting the way his eyes had softened in the way they only did when he was thinking about Seokmin. He smiled to himself, before punching Joshua in the arm as payback, shaking the man out of his thoughts.

“Good,” Jeonghan said with a smile. “It’ll break Seokmin’s heart if you try to stay away from him.”

Joshua chuckled. “You’re saying that as if Seokmin has a crush on me.”

Jeonghan wiggled his eyebrows. “He might. Who knows? Maybe he’ll end up falling for your ridiculous charms today.”

Joshua laughed at that, properly, and then punched Jeonghan in the arm just because, prompting the two of them to get into a childish little punching fight. Eventually, Jeonghan conceded with a haughty sniff, as if he’d abruptly decided he was above such petty disputes.

Then he stuck his tongue out at Joshua, making him laugh.

“So, anyways,” Jeonghan said, simply carrying on with the previous conversation as if they’d never stopped, “remember. Seokmin likes the ferris wheel, so take him on it, will you? He might talk about it, but he’ll be too shy to offer to go on it, so you need to be the one who asks,” Jeonghan said.

“Why do I need to take him on the ferris wheel?”

“Because Seokmin wants it.”

“Oh.” Joshua thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Sure. I’ll do that. Anything else?”

Jeonghan hummed thoughtfully, before shrugging. “Nothing that you don’t know already. He loves the snacks. Buy the matching headbands if he so much as mentions them. Don’t go on any roller coasters unless he sounds like he wants to go on them. Make sure that you win him at least one plushie otherwise he’ll sulk for hours.”

Joshua smiled a little at that, because he really did know all of that already. “Got it. It’s a good thing I’m better than you at those fairground games, huh?”

He received another punch on the arm for that comment.

“Shua hyung!”

A bright, delighted voice made him look up, however, and when he finally pinpointed the voice, there was Seokmin, a brilliant beam on his face as he ran over to where Joshua and Jeonghan were standing, and Joshua’s heart positively swelled at the sight.

“Hi,” Seokmin said, a little breathless, when he finally came to a stop beside him. His eyes were shining. 

“Hi yourself,” Joshua said back, smiling. 

Seokmin beamed, before seeming to finally notice Jeonghan’s presence, looking over at the elder who was watching them with a slight smirk on his face. Almost imperceptibly, the smile on Seokmin’s face wavered.

“Oh, Jeonghan hyung. Are you, uh, joining us?” he asked. “Is it gonna be me, Shua hyung… and you?”

Jeonghan blinked, and then chuckled. “No, no. I just came to drop Joshua off, and make sure you arrived safely too. I wouldn’t want to impose on your date.” He patted Joshua on the shoulder, and then pinched Seokmin’s cheek, steadfastly ignoring the way both of them looked a little flushed. “Be safe, you two. Don’t stay out too late.”

“It’s an amusement park, not a club,” Seokmin laughed, and he eagerly waved Jeonghan off, already interlinking his arm with Joshua’s. “Bye, hyung! Drive safely!”

Joshua watched Jeonghan go, and had the pleasure of having a scarily intense conversation through eye contact with him, one that was mainly full of messages of Be good to him and You better take that leap today otherwise I’m coming after you before Joshua finally turned away.

Damn. Jeonghan really could be intimidating when he wanted to.

“Well,” Seokmin said brightly, making Joshua look over at him. He looked like he was glowing with excitement. “Shall we go in?”

His lips lifted upwards, a soft pink curve of happiness, and Joshua smiled too, using their linked arms to ever-so-subtly pull Seokmin just a little closer into his side.

───────────── ‘✦,

“Oh, hyung, look at that! Are those balloons? Are they selling balloons?”

Going to an amusement park with Seokmin, Joshua was quickly realising, was a lot like venturing into a sweet shop with an excitable child.

Chaotic.

Seokmin was a ball of energy, bouncing on his feet and vibrating by Joshua’s side the moment they entered. The golden-brown puppy ears of the headband he was wearing bobbed up and down with his movements as he dragged Joshua around the park by the hand, eagerly pointing towards the man selling large, obnoxious metallic balloons like they were the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Joshua just laughed, letting Seokmin pull him along, the ears of his own headband flopping against his head. He was wearing a headband too, because of course he was, because Seokmin had picked up the white bunny ears and claimed that they fit him so well, so who was Joshua to refuse?

They almost looked like a couple, with their adorable headbands. 

Thinking about it for too long made Joshua feel all squiggly and happy inside, though, so he tried not to think at all and instead let Seokmin do whatever he wanted.

“Can we buy one, Shua hyung? Please?” Seokmin asked, turning to Joshua with big, shining eyes, and really, it was like this entire day was trying to test whether Joshua really would never say no to Seokmin.

“Sure,” Joshua said, smiling when Seokmin’s eyes crinkled delightedly. “Which one do you want?”

Seokmin glowed. “That shiny strawberry one!”

And so, the rest of their date-not-date carried on. Joshua held onto the string of the strawberry balloon, following Seokmin around as the younger man bounced across the amusement park, hyped up on all the sugar that Joshua had been feeding him. Seokmin looked around the park with a child-like fascination, eyes big and round like he’d never been to an amusement park before, and it made Joshua laugh, endeared, offering Seokmin more candy floss and churros and letting Seokmin grab his wrist and pull him through the park.

“I haven’t been to an amusement park in ages,” Seokmin said to him when they were riding the carousel for the third time in a row. He leaned over to Joshua, bobbing up and down slowly on his horse, nudging the elder in the side with a grin. “Thank you for taking me here.”

“Of course,” Joshua replied, eyes crinkling, patting Seokmin on the back. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”

Seokmin’s eyes sparkled. The flashy golden lights of the carousel made him look like he was glowing from an ethereal light within as he beamed widely.

“I’m having the best time,” Seokmin confirmed. “Way better than Seungkwan will, anyway.” Joshua tilted his head with a smile.

“Oh?”

“I bet the others are suffering right now,” Seokmin confided gleefully, as his horse gently rose up and down. “Seungkwan managed to beg Junhui hyung and Chan to come with him.”

“Wait. They really went to the beach?” Joshua asked, surprised. 

“Mhm!” Seokmin nodded. “Kwan didn’t let Chan double-book himself, and then he went all sulky on Junhui until hyung caved. And then Hansol’s with him too, because duh.”

Joshua chuckled a little at that. “I can’t believe he went through with it. Well, it certainly is sunny today, so maybe they’ll still have a good time?”

Seokmin laughed. “It’s going to be so cold along the coast,” he said, delighted. “They’re gonna freeze!”

His obvious joy at their friends’ misfortunes was rather adorable, and it had Joshua laughing properly, the squeaky carousel music and Seokmin’s laughter ringing in his ears.

After they’d ridden the carousel thrice, Seokmin took Joshua to the photobooths, and then went hunting for more snacks, adamant about avoiding all the rollercoasters with a determined pout on his face that Joshua, devastatingly, thought was terribly cute. 

Joshua was content to allow Seokmin to dictate whatever they did, paying close attention to the younger’s expressions, dutifully carrying around that strawberry balloon, buying snacks, watching a rip-off ‘Punch and Judy’ puppet show with him, and taking all the pictures for Seokmin whenever he wanted.

That was what they were doing right now, the balloon string tied around Joshua’s wrist so he could use both hands to take pictures of Seokmin with the giant shiba inu plushie that Joshua had just won him.

It had taken him a good half hour along with an obscene amount of money, and he’d almost given up countless times, but Seokmin was vibrating so hopefully by his side, so he’d carried on. Even when the guy manning the coconut shy stall looked at him like he was mad for putting so much effort into a silly fairground game, the look of utter joy on Seokmin’s face when Joshua handed the plushie to him more than made up for the struggle.

And it seemed that it was yet another item to add onto the list of ‘Ridiculous Things That Joshua Hong Would Do For Lee Seokmin’.

“Oh, wow, you look adorable,” Joshua said, amazed, as he looked through the photos he’d taken of Seokmin. “Look. The colours of your headband’s ears match the plushie, too.”

Seokmin leaned over, chin resting on his shoulder as he peered at the photos. “Oh, you’re right!” He laughed delightedly as Joshua handed the camera back to him. “Thank you so much, Shua hyung. These are so pretty.”

Joshua chuckled. You’re prettier, he wanted to say, but he swallowed the words down, smiling. 

“It’s ‘cause the plushie is so pretty,” he teased, laughing as Seokmin glared at him. “Why? Do you not like it? Should I take the plushie away?”

Seokmin danced out of Joshua’s reach as the elder made as if to take the toy out of his arms. “No! No, never! You gave it to me, so it’s mine now,” he said, incredibly seriously, squishing the plushie protectively against his chest. “No take-backsies.”

He glared in faux anger, and Joshua laughed, relenting, putting his hands up placatingly. “Okay, okay, I won’t. Are you gonna give the plushie a name?”

“Hmm.” Instantly, the glare melted from Seokmin’s face, replaced by a thoughtful look as he drifted closer to Joshua again, patting the head of the shiba inu, bumping shoulders with him as he did so. “I’m not sure.”

“How about ‘Mingyu’?” Joshua suggested, grinning, chuckling when Seokmin elbowed him in the side. 

“Never. He doesn’t get the honour of having the same name as something that Shua hyung won me,” Seokmin said, pursing his lips thoughtfully as he held the shiba inu up. “How about Seokmin Junior?”

Joshua wrinkled his nose at that, shaking his head. “No. That’s a terrible idea.” 

Seokmin pouted, and Joshua just pinched his cheek affectionately, still thinking. He crossed his arms, and the movement made the metallic balloon (still tied to his wrist) shift too, the floating, bubblegum-pink strawberry balloon bumping against the side of his head. He looked over at it thoughtfully as he swatted it away.

“How about,” he said after a moment, “How about ‘Berry’?”

“Berry?” Seokmin repeated, and then looked at the plushie contemplatively. “Berry the shiba inu.” He looked up at Joshua, grinning. “I love it! It can be Berry the shiba inu.”

Joshua smiled, endeared by Seokmin’s sheer happiness as the younger hugged the plushie tight, pressing a kiss to its soft forehead. And then, because he couldn’t help it, he reached over and ruffled Seokmin’s hair fondly, and began to lead them away from the coconut stall.

“Alright. Where do you wanna go next, Seokmin?”

───────────── ‘✦,

They ended up in the line for the spinning teacups ride.

It was well and truly the afternoon now. They had been there since late morning, and Joshua’s feet kind of hurt from the amount of walking and standing they’d been doing, and even Seokmin was beginning to look a little uncomfortable as he shifted from foot to foot.

Nevertheless, neither of them suggested going back home, and Joshua couldn’t help but feel a little touched at the notion that Seokmin wanted to spend time as just the two of them just as much as Joshua did.

So here they were, patiently waiting in line, because Seokmin had suddenly gotten an eager, shining look in his eyes and insisted that he wanted to ride the spinning teacups even when Joshua had told him that it might make him sick. But Seokmin had been adamant, so here they were, leaning against the railing and watching the people getting into the teacups.

“Remember when we all went to the amusement park a few summers ago?” Seokmin was asking. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, vibrating. “It was so hot that day, and half of the rides had been shut down for maintenance, but we made the most of it.”

Joshua smiled a little. It had been a fun outing. They didn’t go out with all thirteen of them often, because it was a huge group of people to manage, but whenever they did, they split up into smaller groups for most of the day. 

“You weren’t in our group, unfortunately,” Seokmin carried on, a smile spreading across his face as he reminisced, “but, oh, I really wish you had been! Myungho lost a game of rock, paper, scissors and had to be the one to go on this teacup ride with Jeonghan a total of seven times in a row. Seven!”

Joshua laughed as Seokmin animatedly recounted the event, his eyes round and earnest as he delightedly told Joshua all about how queasy Minghao had felt afterwards and how as karma, later on, Jeonghan ended up getting utterly soaked on the water boat ride.

Seokmin always recounted every story like it was the most important thing in the world, with a sincerity that was rather adorable, and Joshua would be lying if he denied paying attention to the gentle curl of Seokmin’s lips and the way they softened into the most endearing pout as he formed certain words. 

He had a very soft mouth, Joshua thought idly. Despite the amount of talking Seokmin did, Joshua thought he had very kissable lips.

It would probably ruin a thousand things if he leaned in and kissed Seokmin right then and there, unfortunately, but oh, how much Joshua really, really wanted to.

Stars in his eyes, he watched as Seokmin talked animatedly, seemingly oblivious to the way that Joshua's entire inner monologue was nothing more than a chant of “please kiss me please kiss me please kiss me” repeating over and over again. 

“So,” Seokmin finished, clasping his hands together, and Joshua finally zoned back into his ramblings. “I’m hoping our experience goes better, hyung!”

Joshua blinked, having heard the words that Seokmin was saying but only able to think of how utterly adorable he looked with his eyes shining like that. So as Seokmin beamed, bright and beautiful, he just smiled, reaching over and pinching Seokmin’s cheek, endeared.

“Of course,” Joshua said, and then winked cheesily. “Don’t worry. I’m here to protect you, Min-ah.”

Seokmin stared at him, his gaze coloured with playful disgust and another emotion that Joshua couldn’t quite name. He was about to say something else before the line finally started moving again, and it was at last their turn.

“Oh, hyung! Hyung, it’s finally us!” Seokmin exclaimed, delighted, the earlier emotion completely dissolving, replaced by giddy excitement. “Come on, we gotta go sit in the cup that spins the most!”

Seokmin dragged Joshua into the teacup that he claimed he’d seen spin the fastest, and after the brief safety introductions, the ride finally began.

“We have to spin it as hard as we can, okay,” Seokmin said, incredibly seriously. “Okay, hyung? Can you do that?”

“Of course. Can you?” Joshua teased, and Seokmin rolled his eyes. 

“Duh! Hey, move over, you're taking up so much room on the wheel. Why are your hands so big?”

“As if you don't have huge hands too, Seokmin-ah—”

They bickered over having enough space on the wheel to spin it properly, but it didn’t take long for them to get going.

Seokmin relinquished control over the wheel a few seconds into the ride and Joshua ended up with both hands on it, spinning them around at a rate that was definitely not good for anyone's stomach because Seokmin kept on insisting they go as fast as possible even though he genuinely sounded close to tears and—well. This was the reason that Seokmin didn't go on rides often. 

He was screaming with laughter, mouth open wide and refusing to close, and Joshua hardly thought he was able to breathe with how much he was laughing. Seokmin’s hands had slipped from the wheel and had instead found purchase in Joshua's shirt, doing nothing other than clinging to him and curling into his side, still screaming the entire time, sounding like he was both scared out of his mind and having the time of his life.

“Seokmin? Seokmin! Should I slow down?” Joshua yelled, because the wind was whipping in his ears, and he was sure that they looked like utter idiots to anyone who was watching them in the line.

Seokmin just screamed even louder, eyes squeezed shut, shaking his head rapidly and holding Joshua’s shirt like a lifeline. “If you slow down, I’m going to kill you!”

Joshua just laughed, tugging the wheel so hard that he almost sprained his wrist, but it made Seokmin yelp and squeeze himself further into Joshua’s side, the screams dissolving into laughs, and the bright, overjoyed sound was all that filled Joshua’s ears. 

It was beautiful. Joshua was reminded, yet again, just how much he loved Seokmin’s laugh.

If it were up to him, then for as long as he lived, Joshua would make sure that Seokmin would always, always have a reason to laugh like this.

Eventually, the ride came to a stop, and Joshua let the wheel go, allowing the teacup to slow down at its own pace, the pink-fond chuckles lingering on his lips as Seokmin continued laughing, forehead pressed against Joshua’s shoulder.

“Oh, my God,” Seokmin breathed out in between giggles, breathless from how much he’d been laughing and screaming. “Wow.”

They exited the teacup, wobbling and stumbling around like baby deer on new, spindly legs, and Seokmin just giggled uncontrollably at his own uncoordinated state.

“We left the stuff over there, Seokmin,” Joshua said, staggering forward on unsteady feet towards where they’d left the shiba inu and the giant strawberry balloon and their headbands, because Seokmin had fretted that they'd lose them if they wore them on the teacups. 

He tugged on Seokmin’s arm, because the man was walking in the completely opposite direction. The younger stumbled into him with a giggle. 

“I knew that,” Seokmin laughed, and he sounded mildly drunk, the sound giddy and loud and making Joshua chuckle. As Seokmin grasped the balloon tied to the fence, however, he tripped on his feet, hands giving the balloon a sharp tug and suddenly, somehow, there was a loud pop as the balloon inexplicably burst in Seokmin’s hands.

They both jumped, and Seokmin stared wide-eyed at where the popped balloon pieces were scattered across the floor, plastic string in his hand, before turning to look at Joshua.

“Oh,” Joshua said, after a moment, and that was all it took for Seokmin to start giggling.

“It popped,” he laughed, almost in disbelief. “Hyung, the balloon popped!”

“What did you do?” Joshua asked, laughing a little as he shook his head, amazed. “How did you manage to pop the balloon just like that?”

Seokmin shrugged, giggles subsiding as he just grinned at the string in his hands. “I dunno. That’s so weird.” He pouted suddenly. “Aw, no, that means my strawberry balloon’s all gone.”

“There, there,” Joshua said consolingly, placing the puppy ears back on Seokmin’s head before picking up the plushie and handing it towards him too, beginning to lead them out of the spinning teacups area—albeit rather slowly, since they were both still wobbly on their feet. “But look, you still have Berry the shiba inu with you, don’t you?”

Instantly, Seokmin brightened, though it took a second for him to be able to hold the plushie without dropping it. He blinked his eyes hard several times, gaze focusing and unfocusing on the shiba inu as he pouted in concentration to get his vision steady again. Joshua could almost see the little cartoon birds flying in circles around his head as he kept a wobbly pace next to Joshua, grinning dopily down at the plushie before directing that same grin up at Joshua too.

Adorable.

It took several minutes, along with a good sitting-down session on a nearby bench, but eventually both of them stopped feeling like the world was being rattled around like a snow globe, and they sat side by side in comfortable silence as they watched the people walk by.

The sky was streaked with yellows now. It was nearing the end of the day, and Joshua calculated that they probably had time for one last game or snack before they eventually had to leave.

Then, his date-not-date with Seokmin would be over.

Hm. Joshua glanced over at Seokmin, heart twisting sadly. That was a sad thought.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, nudging Seokmin in the side, “we’re gonna have to leave soon. Is there anything you want to do before we have to go?”

Seokmin turned to him, and Joshua had the wind knocked out of him for a second because wow, Seokmin was so pretty. The sun hadn’t dipped quite low enough for it to be classed as a sunset just yet, but the grey-yellow light across Seokmin’s face brought his cheekbones into sharp relief, silvery shadows being painted down his cheeks from his eyelashes every time he blinked, the soft shape of his mouth scrunched up in thought.

Humming contemplatively, Seokmin’s gaze slid away from him for a moment, and now that he was no longer staring right into the eyes of the most beautiful person on Earth, Joshua felt like he could finally breathe a little easier.

“Let’s do something that Shua hyung wants to do,” Seokmin said, smiling, and Joshua’s poor heart jumped into his throat once again. 

“Something that I want to do?” Joshua asked, a little croaky. “Do you not have anything that you want?”

Seokmin just shrugged, smiling, strands of hair falling into his eyes as he ducked his head. “We’ve been doing the stuff that I wanted to do all day,” he said. “We should do something that Shua hyung wants, too.”

Joshua’s lips quirked into a fond smile, and he resisted the urge to tell Seokmin that all he wanted was to see Seokmin happy.

Instead, he just pinched Seokmin’s cheek affectionately, and gazed out at the rest of the park, looking around for something that he’d like to do.

But, as always, his gaze drifted back to Seokmin again. Seokmin, who had his eyes fixed on one certain structure in the distance, looking at it almost wistfully, and Joshua remembered what Jeonghan had told him several hours before.

“How about the ferris wheel?” he suggested softly, and smiled a little at the way that Seokmin instantly whipped his head round to blink at him, wide-eyed.

“The ferris wheel?”

“Do you not want to?” Joshua asked, double-checking, because while he was 90% sure that Jeonghan would never feed him false information that would make Seokmin uncomfortable, it was always good to make sure that he was really okay with it. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No! No, I—I want to.” Seokmin swallowed, and there were stars in his eyes. “I wanna ride the ferris wheel with you, hyung.”

Joshua smiled, heart feeling full to bursting as he reached over and brushed away the hair that fell into Seokmin’s eyes. Then he held out his hand, smiling impossibly wider when Seokmin reached for him without the slightest hesitation.

“Come on, then. Let’s go.”

───────────── ‘✦,

The line for the ferris wheel was relatively short, given the fact that it wasn’t long before the amusement park shut for the day, and Joshua and Seokmin didn’t have to stand in line for long before it was their turn.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Joshua checked for the fifth time as they boarded the carriage. “It goes relatively high, Seokmin. If you don’t want to, then it’s fine.”

Seokmin laughed as they each sat down on a bench in the carriage. “I’m fine, I promise. I think it’s a bit too late to get off, anyways,” he said as the wheel slowly began moving. “Besides,” he added, a little shyer, “I really did want to ride the ferris wheel with you, hyung.”

Aw.

“Aw,” Joshua said out loud, and it came out more adoring and in-love than he’d intended. He coughed. “That’s so cute, Min-ah. You wanted to spend time with hyung like this, hm?” he tacked on, grinning teasingly and leaning forward to ruffle Seokmin’s hair and tug at the puppy ears of his headband in an attempt to mask his previous sincerity.

The younger man didn’t pull a face and try to lean away, however, unlike how he normally acted around Joshua’s exaggerated coddling. Instead, he just smiled, eyes crinkling, shoulders rising towards his ears bashfully, and he really looked like a small, shy puppy. 

“Yeah,” he said, the sunlight golden on his face. “Yeah, I did.”

The sun was very much beginning to set now. Yellow light was replaced by something warmer, and the coppery colours spilled in through the windows of their carriage as the wheel continued spinning them all the way to the top.

Joshua checked on Seokmin constantly, making sure that he wasn’t too scared by the heights, but the man seemed to genuinely be having a great time, staring out of the window with wide eyes, Berry the shiba inu sitting forgotten on the seat next to him. 

“It all looks so pretty,” Seokmin said, voice hushed in awe. “Look, hyung, you can see all the places we went to from up here!”

Joshua leaned over to look down at where Seokmin was pointing. “Oh, wow. We’re so high up.” He looked at Seokmin again. “Are you really sure that you’re okay?”

Seokmin laughed a little, raising his gaze to look at Joshua. The golden sunset spilled caramel-coloured light across his irises. 

“I’m really fine,” he promised, eyes crinkling. He reached out for Joshua’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “It’s okay, ‘cause Shua hyung's here with me, isn't he?”

He squeezed Joshua’s hand, once, and then turned back to the window, and Joshua’s ears positively burned.

The wheel spun them a total of three times, and on the third round, Seokmin finally leaned away from the window, sitting back in his seat and beaming at Joshua. Joshua blinked back, and tried to pretend that he hadn’t been gazing adoringly at him the whole time.

“Thank you for bringing me here today,” Seokmin said, all sweet and sentimental and sincere. “It’s been so much fun.”

“Of course,” Joshua responded simply, smiling. “I’m just glad you had fun, Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed, then, and Joshua smiled back, and they sat there smiling at each other for a good few seconds longer before the ferris wheel creaked to a stop at the top of its rotation for the third and final time.

“Oh!” Seokmin’s eyes lit up, and he scrambled to reach for his phone. “We need to take our last pictures of the day before the ride finishes.” He nudged Berry to the side, and then patted the empty space next to him. “Shua hyung, come sit here.”

And so Joshua went, squishing between Seokmin and the plushie, and he’d barely had time to make himself comfortable before Seokmin was huddling even closer into his side, phone raised in front of their faces.

He let Seokmin bully him into as many different poses as he wanted, with v-poses and finger hearts and cute little pouty faces that were utterly adorable on Seokmin. Eventually, Seokmin lowered his phone, but before Joshua could get up and return to his own side of the carriage, Seokmin was holding his hand, interlacing their fingers to keep Joshua by his side.

Joshua looked down at their hands, and then up at Seokmin, but the younger just blinked innocently at him.

“The sunset looks so pretty,” Seokmin said suddenly, and Joshua looked behind him to follow Seokmin’s line of gaze.

And then he looked back at Seokmin, watching the sunset light his skin up gold.

“Very pretty,” he agreed.

Seokmin’s lips twitched up into an almost wistful smile, as his gaze slid away from the window to look at Joshua, eyes sparkling. 

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Seokmin said again, smiling. “I think it’s prettier because I’m here with you.”

Joshua chuckled, squeezing Seokmin’s hand once. “Of course,” he said, and Seokmin smiled even wider. “Anything you see will be prettier because of me, you know.”

Seokmin’s eyes crinkled. “Really?”

Joshua quirked a grin. “I’m just that handsome.” 

The wheel was slowly descending now, the warm sunset light dipping behind the tall amusement park structures, and Joshua had the most beautiful view of the rays brushing and fading away from Seokmin’s face.

“So,” Joshua continued, mesmerised by Seokmin’s smile, “I think you should only see these pretty things with me. So they’ll always look even prettier.”

His words hung suspended in the air, golden and full of eternal promise, and Seokmin’s eyes widened. Joshua’s eyes widened at his own words, too, stunned at how his internal thoughts had somehow escaped his lips, but every syllable rang true. He wanted to see these beautiful things with Seokmin and Seokmin alone.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin whispered, eyes meltingly warm. And then he didn’t say anything else.

He truly was just so beautiful, Joshua thought. With his sunlight-clear smile and those eyes, big and glittering and crystalline: Seokmin’s eyes that captured Joshua’s own and kept him mesmerised, unable to do anything other than gaze adoringly as Seokmin did anything at all.

And those very same eyes were the ones holding Joshua in place right at that moment, so awed that he hadn’t even noticed that Seokmin had drawn closer. He was so close that there was merely a miniscule distance between them, and Joshua could count every one of Seokmin’s lashes again, so close he could see the way they fluttered nervously as he took a quiet breath in.

So close that eventually, the miniscule distance between them became no distance at all.

Seokmin kissed him, gently, slowly, a warm press of lips on lips that had Joshua simultaneously melting and freezing up because Seokmin was kissing him. Seokmin was kissing him.

And, oh, his lips truly did taste as soft as they looked.

It was heart-achingly sweet, and only Seokmin would have been able to kiss him so chastely and yet still make his brain crash and shut down because of it. He wanted to have Seokmin’s lips on his forever, to lick into his plush mouth and find out what Seokmin liked and what he adored, wanted to press him against the wall of the carriage and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him—

Seokmin pulled away, then, before Joshua even had a chance to pull him closer and kiss him in the way that he deserved.

He blinked, dazed, far too disoriented to even think of forming words, and it was a little crazy how Seokmin managed to render him utterly non-functional after such a brief kiss.

Only Seokmin, truly.

But he was staring at Joshua now, eyes bright and almost hopeful, and the terrible thing was that Joshua’s brain was still in its melting, post-’first kiss with the love of his life’ state, and he had no idea what Seokmin could be hoping for.

He coughed, licked his lips, heartbeat thrumming far too loudly in his head.

“Huh,” he said, incredibly eloquently. “Oh.”

It was an “Oh” of utter besottedness, Seokmin having successfully removed Joshua’s ability to form proper words, but it turned out to be the wrong thing to say because he watched, confused and worried, as the light slipped off of Seokmin’s face in an instant.

“Oh,” Seokmin echoed, but the syllable sounded utterly heartbroken as it fell from his lips. “Oh, no.”

Joshua blinked as Seokmin backed away, scrambling to kick-start his brain back into action. “Wait,” he said. “Wait, wh—”

“I’m so sorry,” Seokmin rushed out, and he dropped Joshua’s hand like he’d been burned. “Sorry, sorry, please forget about that, I’m so sorry, I—”

“Wait,” Joshua said again, still not quite comprehending what was going on. “Seokmin-ah, you don’t n—”

He tried to move forward, and Seokmin instantly stumbled back, plastering himself against the back wall of the carriage. It rocked slightly, swinging back and forth, but still Seokmin stayed against the wall, like he wanted to be as far away from Joshua as possible.

“Sorry,” Seokmin said, yet again. “I just— You took me out for this whole day, and I thought— But then I— And then you didn’t— So obviously you don’t feel like that and I’m just so, so, so sorry. I’m so sorry, hyung, please just forget that happened.”

And oh, now Joshua realised, and his eyes widened in panic, because Seokmin had gotten everything completely wrong.

“No, wait, Seokmin, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Seokmin didn’t seem to hear him, continuing to babble apologies over and over again, the syllables blurring together as his eyes also seemed to blur with tears. 

This was really, really not good. Seokmin had leaned in and kissed him, and what had Joshua done? He’d just sat there and let himself be kissed, and when Seokmin pulled away, he’d done nothing but mumble a small “Oh” that could have been interpreted in a whole range of different ways.

And Seokmin had interpreted it in the worst way possible.

Joshua opened his mouth, and had half a mind to just surge forward and kiss Seokmin again to show him the truth when the carriage door swung open, and the park attendant was standing in the doorway and politely asking for them to leave.

Instantly, Seokmin took the opportunity to grab Berry and lunge past him to make his escape, and Joshua wanted to wring his hands together in desperation.

“Seokmin!” Joshua called out, almost tripping over his feet in his haste to exit the carriage. “Seokmin, I— Wait!”

He caught up with Seokmin as he was speed-walking through the park back towards the entrance, resting a hand on his shoulder and hating how Seokmin instantly flinched back.

“Hyung, please—”

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, softly. “Listen to me.”

Seokmin visibly swallowed, holding Berry tight. His eyes were big, almost looking like they were turning down at the edges and, coupled with the ears headband he was still wearing, he looked far too much like a devastated puppy that Joshua felt his heart tighten in his throat.

“Seokmin,” Joshua started again. “You don’t have to feel bad about it. I… I didn’t mind it.”

Joshua smiled gently, but to his horror, Seokmin’s eyes began to well up with tears.

“I really am sorry for what I did, hyung,” he said, voice wobbly. “You don’t have to say those things to try and make me feel better. I’m okay. It’s okay. I know that what I did was wrong so please—please just leave me alone.”

And with that, he stepped back, and began to make a dash towards the park entrance again, leaving Joshua standing there, dumbfounded.

“Wh—Seokmin!”

Seokmin didn’t listen to him. He continued speeding towards the entrance as Joshua called out to him, even as groups of people blocked his path and he walked into a small child more times than he could count.

How had Seokmin managed to misunderstand what Joshua was saying so, so horribly? With a helpless sigh, Joshua watched as Seokmin disappeared around the corner, before promptly apologising to the little girl he’d bumped into and beginning to follow Seokmin again.

Joshua managed to get to the amusement park entrance at last, just as Seokmin seemed to be trying to leave without talking to him at all.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said desperately, jogging up until he was standing in front of him, preventing Seokmin from walking off into the late evening. “Please, listen to me. You don’t have to feel all guilty like this. Let me—”

“Hyung, it’s okay,” Seokmin said, cutting him off yet again, and Joshua wanted to cry in desperation.“It’s okay, Shua hyung, I’m okay. You don’t have to try and comfort me.”

“No, Seokmin, listen, I actually—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Seokmin said, and tried to smile, but his voice trembled too much for it to seem genuine. “I’m so sorry for doing that to you. I’m really sorry, so I hope you don’t feel too d-disgusted.”

His voice hiccupped on the last word, and oh, Seokmin was properly crying now, the sadness spilling out of the corners of his eyes and dimming their shine.

Joshua had made him cry. 

“Just let me go home, hyung, please,” Seokmin said, quiet, and the soft begging tone in his voice made Joshua’s heart plummet to the depths of the Earth.

He swallowed thickly. “At least come home with me and Jeonghan,” he said, giving up on trying to talk to Seokmin about this. “I don’t want you going home by bus, all by yourself. Especially when you’re like this.”

Seokmin didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then nodded, lips pressed tight together as the tears continued silently spilling down his cheeks.

It made Joshua’s throat feel tight. Unthinkingly, he reached over and brushed at the wetness under Seokmin’s eyes, flinching back when Seokmin skittered away at his touch. 

“Sorry,” he whispered, voice thick. Seokmin didn’t reply.

They walked back to the entrance, and Joshua texted Jeonghan to let him know they were finished and wanted to go home. And then, with nothing left to do, they loitered around, waiting for Jeonghan to arrive, a stiff silence falling between them.

There was a great deal that Joshua wanted to say, countless words to explain himself and tell Seokmin just how terribly, terribly in love he was with him. 

This was all a terrible misunderstanding, he wanted to say, and he was totally okay with the kiss. More than okay, and in fact, he wanted nothing more than to kiss Seokmin again and again for all of eternity.

He looked up at Seokmin, who was quivering a few feet away from him, clutching the plushie like a lifeline as he stared resolutely out at the car park. A chill was setting in now that the sun had gone down, but Joshua knew that Seokmin’s shivers had less to do with the cold and more to do with something else.

Couldn’t Seokmin see? Just how much he had Joshua wrapped around his finger? Had him clinging to every syllable that fell from his lips, every twinkle of his eye, every bright, ringing laugh?

It was truly bewildering, how Seokmin apparently had no idea. Joshua wanted to explain this to him, wanted to tell him just how deeply he'd managed to fall for him, but the feelings of warmth and light and clean-cut gold were far too big and precious for words. 

He wanted to try, because he truly would do anything for Seokmin, but right now, there was no point. Not when Seokmin wasn’t in a state to truly understand.

Jeonghan arrived some minutes later, pulling up near the park entrance, and Seokmin wordlessly climbed into the shotgun seat while Joshua sat in the back. Jeonghan beamed, entirely oblivious to the tense atmosphere.

“So, how did your day go?” he asked, all pleasant. “Did you guys have fun?”

Seokmin simply buried his face into the plushie.

“Can you just take me home, please?” Seokmin whispered, voice muffled, but there was no way that Jeonghan wouldn't have been able to hear the tears in his voice. 

Jeonghan’s expression changed, and instantly, he eyed Joshua in the rearview mirror, his gaze a searing accusation. Joshua just winced helplessly, and hoped that the desperation in his eyes could help soften Jeonghan’s glare just a little.

Jeonghan narrowed his eyes, before turning to Seokmin again, gaze softening. “I like your headband,” he said gently, tugging at one brown puppy ear. “They suit you.”

Seokmin didn't look up from the shiba inu. He gave a small, wet sniff. 

Jeonghan looked back at Joshua, observing the white bunny ears headband which were on his head, and then the pieces in his head began to click together, and he raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Joshua just stared back.

Pulling out away from the amusement park, Jeonghan glanced over at Seokmin and then at Joshua through the mirror again, before giving a sigh. The “I’ll talk to Seokmin” was clear in his eyes, and Joshua’s shoulders sagged in relief.

Whilst Joshua really, really wanted to talk this over with Seokmin himself, he knew that Seokmin wasn’t in the right headspace to listen to him. But still, there was a chance that he would be able to listen to his beloved Jeonghan hyung who, hopefully, would be able to express a calm thought process that Seokmin would listen to, even if he wasn’t willing to listen to Joshua.

That was okay, though. Because Joshua didn't even know how he would express his thoughts, other than perhaps screaming “I really really like having your lips on mine and I kind of want to kiss you forever”, and he thought that that maybe wasn't the best way to explain how he felt. 

Thank you, he said with his eyes, when Jeonghan looked back at him again.

Jeonghan just nodded once, and looked over at Seokmin again before turning back to the road. 

The car was silent for the entire ride back.

───────────── ‘✦,

“I’m already on it,” Joshua said, when he opened the door to Jeonghan standing on his doorstep the next morning.

Jeonghan blinked, and then shut his mouth with an audible click, nodding approvingly and stepping into Joshua’s apartment. “Good,” he said. “I’m proud of you, Joshuji.”

Last night, Jeonghan had dropped Joshua off home first, with a silent message of “We’ll talk tomorrow” in his eyes. It had been clear that Jeonghan had wanted to spend that evening talking with Seokmin first, which Joshua thought was a good idea since Seokmin had definitely been the most visibly distressed out of them.

Even now, though it had been over twelve hours since Joshua had last seen him, the memory of Seokmin’s tears still made his chest feel tight.

As it was, he hadn’t had the chance to talk to Jeonghan until today. That didn’t mean he hadn’t been busy thinking of ways to resolve this whole situation, though.

“You need to make things up to him as soon as possible,” Jeonghan said as he took off his shoes. 

“I know. That's why I'm already on it.”

Jeonghan nodded again, mildly pleased, before his face melted back into a frown. 

“Still, I wanna say that you’re both idiots,” he informed him. “Both you and Seokmin. Utter idiots.”

“Thanks,” Joshua remarked dryly, and walked back into the kitchen, Jeonghan trailing behind him. 

“You’re welcome. So you better be planning a really good thing to make it up to Seokmin, because otherwise—oh my God. Are you baking?”

Jeonghan stood there, surprised, looking at the mixing bowl and the bags of sugar and flour and the baking trays, lined with greaseproof paper, neatly placed on the table as everything else overflowed across Joshua’s counter.

Joshua grinned, pleased at Jeonghan’s surprise. “Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies,” he said, picking up the mixing bowl again. “Seokmin’s favourite.”

“Huh.” Jeonghan smiled, nodding approvingly. “Good choice.” He sat down at the table, watching as Joshua continued mixing the cookie batter.  

“I know,” Joshua said, a little proud, looking up from the bowl to smile at Jeonghan, all bashful and dusty pink cheeks. “I figured that they might help cheer him up.”

Cute, Jeonghan thought, and then his heart melted at the idea of Joshua baking for Seokmin. There was something so domestic about that, and he knew that Seokmin would really love it.

Seokmin had been utterly distraught yesterday, tears quietly streaming down his face as he recounted the “disastrous” events in a wobbly voice. Jeonghan had feared the worst: Seokmin, for all his gentleness and emotional openness, still hated to cry around other people. So for him to burst into tears in front of Joshua and Jeonghan, it meant that something truly terrible had happened, and Jeonghan was more than ready to (get Seungcheol to) gently beat up Joshua for being the cause of his tears.

Jeonghan thought it would be something horrific, like Joshua had… well, done something really bad. He hadn’t actually had an idea of what Joshua could have done, but he’d been terrified all the same.

He had definitely not been prepared for what Seokmin had told him instead.

“What’re you gonna do with the cookies?” Jeonghan asked, leaning forwards as Joshua set down the bowl, looking for spoons to use to scoop the batter onto the trays.

“I’m going over to his place today,” Joshua said, rummaging through the drawers. “And I’m going to talk this out with him. No matter what it takes.”

Jeonghan tilted his head, smiling a little, a curious sense of pride swelling up inside of him. “No matter what it takes?”

“No matter what it takes,” Joshua confirmed, turning back to face Jeonghan, spoons in hand. “I won’t run away anymore. Seokmin deserves to know that I love him too.”

“I definitely think so,” Jeonghan said, and his tone was dry but his smile was warm. “Especially considering the fact that he kissed you yesterday and then proceeded to have a breakdown because you didn’t kiss him back.”

Joshua winced. “Let’s not talk about last night.”

Jeonghan shrugged. “I think it was a good bonding experience.”

“I don’t need a bonding experience. Seokmin and I are already friends.” Joshua furrowed his eyebrows. “How was that a good bonding experience, anyway?”

“Hey, at least now you know that Seokmin’s as pathetically in love with you as you are with him,” Jeonghan pointed out. “I think you should look on the bright side, Joshuji.”

“I think you’re talking too much,” Joshua said, waving the spoons beratingly at Jeonghan. “If you’re gonna be in my home, then you need to help me. Come on, get some spoons and make the cookies with me. Why are you even here, anyway?”

Jeonghan begrudgingly stood up, rolling up his sleeves. “I came here to see whether I needed to beat you up or not.”

Joshua snorted. “You and those noodle arms?”

“I was assessing the situation first,” Jeonghan said, and sniffed disdainfully. “If you didn’t show evidence that you were trying to make amends instantly, I would have.”

“Good thing I was making cookies then.”

“Exactly. I also came to check up on you, though,” Jeonghan added more sincerely. “To see how you were doing after being kissed by the love of your life.”

That made Joshua chuckle, beginning to spoon the batter onto the trays laid out on the table. He nudged Jeonghan in the side, a silent demand for him to start helping, and Jeonghan reluctantly complied.

“I’m fine. I had my entire worldview altered because apparently Seokmin likes me back, but other than that, I’m doing great,” Joshua said with a grin, and Jeonghan laughed.

“See? A good bonding experience.”

Joshua shook his head, still smiling. “Yeah. A great bonding experience. 0/10, would definitely recommend.”

The sarcasm made Jeonghan laugh again, looking over at his best friend as he diligently bent down over the baking tray, making cookies for the person he was in love with, big hands having turned soft with gentleness and care. 

Joshua’s hair was all over the place, as if he’d rolled out of bed and then immediately started making cookies for Seokmin without even stopping once. Half of his bangs were falling in his eyes but he hardly seemed to notice, and he straightened up to blink at Jeonghan, who was standing there with the spoons unmoving in his hands.

“If you don’t want to help, then you can just say so,” Joshua said wryly, eyes twinkling. “Though Seokmin might be heartbroken when I tell him that his favourite hyung didn’t help make the cookies.”

Jeonghan snapped out of his reverie, busying himself with helping Joshua. “You’re Seokmin’s favourite hyung. You know that,” he retorted, a little sulkily. Though he’d long ago accepted it, he was still a little annoyed that Joshua had stolen one of his dongsaengs from him.

“Nonsense. He was your friend before he was mine, wasn’t he?”

“That means nothing,” Jeonghan said dismissively, waving a spoon around and accidentally flinging cookie dough into the wall. “Whoops. Anyway, you’ve been Seokmin’s favourite since day one, Shuji. Surely you know that.”

Joshua sighed long-sufferingly at the spoonful of wet mixture sliding down his wall. “You’re cleaning that up later.”

“Sure. But seriously, he’s always been in love with you. I promise.” Jeonghan punched Joshua lightly in the arm. “Why are you thinking so much about this, anyway? You know that he loves you.”

“Hm.” Joshua twisted his lips thoughtfully, and he gazed off into the distance, eyes going melty soft and Jeonghan just knew that he was thinking about Seokmin. 

Disgusting, Jeonghan thought affectionately. It reminded him of the way that Seokmin’s eyes never failed to shine just a little brighter whenever he thought of or talked about Joshua, even when he was in tears. These two truly were made for each other.

“Seokmin thinks the world of you, you know,” Jeonghan said gently. “He always has. Ever since he first met you.”

Joshua’s face, somehow, melted even further at that. Jeonghan had been worried that his silence was a sign of insecurities creeping in, a sign of his hesitancy to continue taking that leap for Seokmin, but Joshua’s face was softening into the softest, sweetest smile, and Jeonghan knew that there was nothing that could deter Joshua now.

“Well,” Joshua said, light and full of love, “It’s a good thing that I think the world of him too.”

───────────── ‘✦,

It was some hours later that Joshua ended up on Seokmin’s doorstep, wondering whether he should ring the doorbell or lift his hand and knock.

Jeonghan had shooed him out of the apartment (Joshua’s own apartment) with a pat on the head and a half-serious threat to “Go make out with Seokmin or there will be consequences”, pushing the basket into his hands and telling him to just be himself.

Apparently Seokmin liked that, or something.

So Joshua now stood at Seokmin’s doorstep, resisting the urge to rock back and forth on his heels as he contemplated which would be the best way to drag Seokmin out of his wallowing.

He hadn't been nervous when Jeonghan had come over, too focused on making Seokmin his favourite cookies and thinking about how he needed to make Seokmin not sad as soon as possible, but now that he was here, he had to admit that there were definitely a few butterflies in his stomach.

Confessing to the love of your life was no easy task, after all. 

But, like always, Joshua would do anything for Seokmin, anything at all, so after taking a deep breath, he raised his hand and pressed the doorbell.

It took a few moments, but the door eventually clicked open to reveal Seokmin, sleepily rubbing his eyes, nose scrunching adorably as he suppressed a big yawn.

“Jeonghan hyung, I told you, I’m f…”

His voice trailed off as he realised who was standing at his door, and his eyes widened, the sleepiness falling away from his face almost instantly. Joshua smiled, a little awkwardly, giving Seokmin a wave.

“Hello.”

Seokmin stared at him, and then began to slowly edge behind his door, hiding behind it until only his face was visible. “You… You’re not Jeonghan hyung.”

“I’m not,” Joshua agreed, and his heart twisted at how Seokmin had instantly retreated away once he learned that it was Joshua at his door. “Is it okay if I come in? I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday.”

Clutching the edge of the door a little tighter, Seokmin squeaked out a small “Oh dear” that Joshua had a feeling he hadn’t meant to say aloud.

“Maybe we shouldn’t?” Seokmin suggested meekly. He retreated further behind the door, hiding away so that Joshua couldn’t see his face anymore. “Maybe… Maybe that’s not a good idea.”

Joshua bit his lip. “Please?” he asked. “I even baked you cookies. If you want them.”

A pause. And then Seokmin slowly peeked out from behind the door, eyes widening in surprise as he noticed the basket in Joshua’s hands before his gaze dropped to the floor again. He shook his head.

“Please just go. Shua hyung, please let me—Let me deal with this by myself first,” Seokmin said softly.

It sounded so gentle and reasonable when he said it like that, and Joshua would have believed it, would have accepted it, if he didn’t know Seokmin as well as he did. But Joshua did know him, knew him like the soul that fit perfectly against his own, and he knew that Seokmin was using this as an excuse to wallow in his sadness. He’d only make himself more miserable if Joshua let him be.

“Please,” Joshua said again, pleading. “I think we should talk about this. Please, will you let me in?”

Seokmin swallowed but didn’t say anything, gaze still directed at Joshua’s shoes rather than his face. His fingers pressed into the side of the door as he clung to it, still not quite opening it fully, but Joshua felt a little comforted by the fact that Seokmin was considering it.

“Min-ah,” Joshua said softly, ducking his head to get Seokmin to meet his gaze. Seokmin blinked in surprise, but he didn’t look away. Joshua straightened slowly, and smiled as Seokmin continued to keep his eyes on him. “Please. I’m not mad about what happened, I promise. I just think that you and I need to talk. Please, Min-ah?”

Seokmin’s eyes widened even further at the nickname, a splotchy blush reddening the apples of his cheeks in a way that was still utterly endearing in Joshua’s eyes. And then he nodded, opening the door wider. “Okay. Okay… you can come in.”

Joshua smiled again, a smile of relief as he stepped into Seokmin’s apartment, clutching the basket of cookies in his hands. 

“It’s a little messy,” Seokmin said, a little sheepishly as he led Joshua through the apartment. “I wasn’t really expecting anyone. I didn’t think anyone would come over.”

“That’s okay. I wanted to check up on you.”

Seokmin looked over at Joshua, too many colours swirling in his irises before he blinked rapidly and looked away,

“Oh. Thank you.”

As Seokmin led them to sit on his couch, however, Joshua realised that he hadn't really planned what he was going to say. Which, in hindsight, he really should have done, but it was too late to wonder about that now. 

And besides, he was talking with Seokmin. The right words would find their way to him, especially if he was trying to confess to the love of his life. 

“So… cookies,” Joshua started, and then held the basket out to Seokmin. He smiled a little. “They're your favourites.”

Seokmin gasped, momentarily seeming to forget his apprehension at Joshua’s visit as his eyes widened, taking the basket from him and peeking inside. “Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies?”

“Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies,” Joshua confirmed, resisting the urge to laugh at Seokmin's adorably awed expression. “And don’t worry. I made sure that they won’t give you food poisoning.

Seokmin, already stuffing a cookie in his mouth, gave a petulant huff. “Hyung, that was one time.”

Joshua laughed, unable to stop the delighted warmth bubbling up inside him as the natural cadence of their interactions came peeking through, Seokmin relaxing now that he had something sweet in his mouth. Seokmin looked up at him, a little surprised, before his face melted and brightened at the same time, eyes crinkling.

“So,” Joshua said, still smiling, “I was hoping that we could talk about yesterday.”

At that, Seokmin’s expression changed, and he slowly swallowed. He rubbed at his cheeks, attempting to brush away the crumbs and only kind-of succeeding.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Joshua rushed to carry on, before Seokmin’s face fell even further and Joshua’s heart fell along with it. “I’m sorry for how terribly our day at the amusement park ended.” He gestured to the basket. “The cookies were kind of an apology present to try and make up for it.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said softly. “No… It’s—It’s okay, hyung. It was kind of my fault, anyway,” he added, laughing a little stiltedly. “I was the one who, well, you know.”

Seokmin bit his lip then, teeth sinking into the softness of his bottom lip, and Joshua remembered with startling clarity how his own mouth had been over Seokmin’s less than twenty-four hours ago.

Joshua blinked rapidly, trying to dispel his thoughts so he could focus on the conversation at hand.

“It was just me being an idiot. You don’t need to apologise, Shua hyung,” Seokmin said, attempting to smile. “It was all my fault. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t, though,” Joshua said, taking a breath. Seokmin was still biting his lip, a nervous habit, and it was kind of cute and wholly distracting and it took everything in Joshua to keep his gaze on Seokmin’s warm, warm eyes rather than on his soft, soft lips. “Min-ah, it’s okay.”

He smiled, then, as gently and as reassuringly as he could, putting on his prettiest smile for Seokmin to try and comfort him.

Seokmin’s eyes widened and softened at the same time, before he looked away. “Please don’t look at me like that,” he said, all mumbly. There were still crumbs on his cheeks, and Joshua wanted to lean over and dust them away.

“Like what?” he asked, before giving in to the urge and brushing a finger over Seokmin’s cheeks, wiping at the crumbs. And then, using that same finger, he guided Seokmin’s chin towards him so they were facing each other again. “How am I looking at you?”

Seokmin huffed a little, and pouted. “Like… I dunno,” he said, cheeks turning red, “like you love me. Like—Like you didn’t actually mind the… the thing.”

Joshua’s gaze softened, and he lowered his hand to find Seokmin’s knee instead, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “What if that’s true? What if I didn't mind the kiss?”

Seokmin was shaking his head before Joshua could even finish speaking. “Don’t say things like that, hyung,” he pleaded, almost a whine. “I’m sorry for kissing you yesterday, I really am. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“What? No,” Joshua said, a little mystified, wondering where on Earth Seokmin had gotten the idea that he didn’t want it to happen again. “No, Seokmin, I want it to happen again. I want you to kiss me again. And again, and again. Forever, essentially.”

“Wait.” Seokmin’s face scrunched up, confused, and goodness, Joshua was hit with the fact that he truly did adore him. “What?”

“I like you,” Joshua said, the three golden words leaving his lips and spinning through the air, and he could almost hear the magical ding as they landed like little chimes in Seokmin’s ears. “I like you, Seokmin. You and your smile and your kindness and your gentleness and the way you make me feel so happy, always. I like you so much, and especially your laugh—” Joshua took a breath, feeling the flush rising up his cheeks— “Oh, I love your laugh, Seokmin. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”

Seokmin’s eyes had steadily widened the longer Joshua had carried on, and there was that familiar, warm, beautiful shine in his irises once more, all full of hope. “Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Joshua laughed, smiling widely. “I like you. I love you. I adore you. All of those things. I think you’re wonderful, truly, and it’s like my heart belongs only to you.”

And then, his Seokmin-owned heart made a little whooshing sound as Seokmin’s eyes rounded, and Joshua couldn’t help but laugh. It was kind of incredible, how saying those words didn’t feel like taking a leap, like jumping and hoping that when he fell, someone would catch him.

Rather, it felt like coming home.

Seokmin’s frame melted, the biggest pout forming on his face as his whole body relaxed, seemingly just as comforted by Joshua’s confession as he was. His irises looked a little shiny as he blinked, hard.

“You love me,” Seokmin said, almost to himself, like he couldn’t believe it, all tiny and adorable. And then he looked up at Joshua again, face crumpling into something between a pout and a giddy smile. “Oh my god, you love me.”

He said it in an almost awed way, words getting all blubbery-sentimental and he held out his arms, reaching for a hug that Joshua instantly gave him, smiling as Seokmin wrapped his arms around his neck to bring him even closer, burying his face into Joshua’s shoulder. Seokmin was always so warm and lovely but right now he seemed even more so, melting into Joshua’s arms, the thumping of his heartbeat matching the cadence of Joshua’s own. 

He nuzzled even closer into Joshua's shoulder, making small, content noises into his shirt, and Joshua could feel something in his chest bursting into a spray of cerulean blue joy. 

“I love you,” Joshua said again, just because, just to marvel at how light and perfect those three words felt. “I love you.”

Seokmin pulled away, arms still looped around Joshua’s neck, eyes shining brighter than the brightest, sunniest summer day. “I love you too,” he breathed, and then he laughed—that soft, beautiful laugh that Joshua loved far too much. “I love you. I’ve always really, really liked you, truly. So much. Ever since we met.”

Joshua chuckled a little, tilting his head. “Since we met? That’s a long time.”

“I know,” Seokmin said, almost whining, and it had Joshua laughing again. “You have no idea how hard it was to be loving you for so long. You’re so loveable, hyung. I can’t help but just—love you. Always.”

“I can’t help but love you too,” Joshua said back, and it was incredible how those words managed to make Seokmin’s smile light up even further. He leaned forward and nudged his nose affectionately against Seokmin’s, adoring the delighted giggle that it elicited from him. “You can ask Jeonghan, if you’d like. He’ll tell you how pathetically in love I’ve been with you for weeks.”

“Weeks? Hyung, I’ve been in love with you forever, I swear,” Seokmin said, and the earnest truthfulness of his words made Joshua’s heart swell, hands tightening around Seokmin’s waist. 

“I think I’ve been in love with you before I even knew that’s what it was,” Joshua returned, just to try and one-up him, and laughed softly at the affectionate huff that Seokmin let out.

“Whatever you say,” Seokmin said, playfully rolling his eyes before beaming at Joshua again. His arms were still around Joshua’s neck, his weight still pressed comfortably in Joshua’s lap, and as he continued beaming at him, it was like Joshua's vision was filled with nothing but the gentlest, prettiest, most breathtaking golden light. 

He could have stayed like that forever, actually, with Seokmin in his lap, his weight draped over him like a sure and solid promise, positively glowing with happiness despite the fact that he'd looked close to tears not even 24 hours ago. 

It made him realise that Seokmin really did love him, had loved him forever, and thinking about it like that made him short circuit because oh—

Seokmin loved him. 

And they were just smiling at each other, smiling and grinning and smiling like a pair of idiots and it was all because Seokmin loved Joshua just as much Joshua loved him. 

As if he knew all of Joshua's thoughts, Seokmin smiled even wider, eyes crinkling happily, and Joshua knew that he really would do anything to see Seokmin smile like that forever. His lips were stretched wide, emanating light, and happiness truly did look so beautiful on him. 

Joshua wanted to kiss him.

Oh. He hadn't kissed Seokmin yet. How had he not kissed Seokmin yet? 

He needed to kiss him. Right now. 

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua blurted out, completely out of the blue, and he would admit that it wasn't the best way to ask for a kiss, but Seokmin always made him do weird and awkward things. 

Seokmin blinked in surprise, a blush rapidly rising up his face, but he nodded almost immediately. 

“Yeah!” he said, the eagerness clear in his tone before he blushed even further, shoulders rolling inwards shyly. “I mean. Yes. Yes please.”

And then he beamed, his expression so open and loving and filled with wonderful golden light that Joshua couldn't help but smile too, leaning in closer, one hand releasing Seokmin's waist to slip upwards and cup his cheek, brushing a thumb over the smooth softness of his cheekbone. 

“Beautiful,” Joshua whispered, quiet, and could feel the blush that spread across Seokmin's face as he adjusted his hand, held him more firmly and finally connected their lips in a kiss. 

And, oh, this kiss was even better than that first one they'd shared. The instant Joshua kissed him, Seokmin melted impossibly further into him, hands threading through his hair to bring him even closer, soft lips pressing against soft lips. 

It was dizzyingly sweet. Seokmin tasted like strawberries and chocolate and sunlight, and when Joshua gently nipped at that plush bottom lip, his heart positively soared at the small noise that Seokmin let out, easily opening up so Joshua could kiss him as deeply and as fully as they both desired.

Seokmin twisted his hands in Joshua’s hair, kissing him even deeper, and it made him laugh into Seokmin’s mouth, his head feeling all happy and bubbly light. Seokmin laughed too, an automatic response to the sound of Joshua’s happiness, and they ended up smiling into each other’s mouths rather than actually kissing once they finally parted.

Joshua opened his eyes, watching as Seokmin still kept his eyes shut, drawing back with an adoring smile on his face like he wanted to treasure the moment.

It was so heart-achingly endearing that Joshua leaned in to press a light kiss to Seokmin’s mouth, smiling as Seokmin’s eyes fluttered open at last, a white-gold shine making his irises glow.

“Oh,” Seokmin said, soft, his kissed-pink lips spreading into a wide smile. He still had his hands in Joshua’s hair, still had his knees spread over Joshua’s lap, and he looked so beautiful. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Joshua echoed, amused, the hand on Seokmin’s cheek moving to brush away stray hairs as they fell into his face. “What’s up?”

Seokmin’s eyes just shone even brighter. “You love me,” he said, and he sounded so happy that Joshua laughed again, so in love that his heart felt like it was floating towards the heavens as Seokmin continued to look at him with all the awe and wonder in the world.

“Yes, Min-ah,” he said, devastatingly fond, and Seokmin scrunched his nose in a way that was just so endearing, very clearly delighted by the nickname. “I love you.” 

Seokmin beamed adorably wide and launched himself back into Joshua’s arms again, clumsily pressing a kiss to Joshua's cheek before burying his face into his shoulder, and Joshua could feel him grinning with happiness. 

Joshua had jumped towards Seokmin, taken that leap, but instead of falling, he’d floated right back up towards the sun instead. 

In fact, it hadn’t even felt like falling, he mused, as Seokmin drew away from his shoulder, smiling shyly before leaning in and kissing Joshua softly once more. 

He cupped Seokmin’s face, kissing him again and again until they were smiling so hard that they couldn’t kiss properly anymore, and yet they still tried, smiling lips meeting smiling lips over and over, the taste of sunlight sitting gently on Joshua’s tongue like that was where it belonged.

Perhaps, Joshua thought, it was because Seokmin had been beside him all along. All he had to do was walk right into Seokmin's arms, right into Seokmin who already had, and always would, adore him with the entirety of his heart.

And oh, how Joshua adored him too.

thanku for reading! pls rb w a comment if you liked this :)

taglist: @my-moarmy-heart @ofcoursewhynotmongyu @cottoncheol @i-dont-give-a-fok @leigh-darling @belladonna-is-alive @weird-bookworm @dokyluvie @isabellah29 @bangantokchy @ahuiahoe @yooboointhemood @animesoul2021 @official-eunwoo

[swiftiefirefighters]

jamie's holiday fics!

Hey everyone! I mentioned this a couple of days ago, but I really want to do something fun and nice for my mutuals and followers for the holidays. So here we go! I'm gonna offer up fics to you all!

Just hit up my ask box with a little bit of info!

Fandom/Pairing: 911 (any combo of buddietommy, or most buck or eddie rare pairs, if you want something else i can try but i can't make any promises - if there's something i can't do i'll let you know), Ted Lasso (mostly just Jamie/Roy but if you want something else feel free to ask!), If there's a past fandom of mine you know of that you'd be interested in me writing, let me know. I'll try!

Any follower: One thing you'd really like in the fic. It can be a trope or it can be some song lyric or quote you'd like to help inspire the fic or just a general vibe!

Mutuals Only: (if you follow with a non-fandom blog that I don't follow just let me know!) you can either ask me for a more detailed fic, OR you can request a little fanmix for the fic vibes since I generally make one any!

Other (anyone): Just let me know if you would prefer it not be actually christmas/holiday themed or if you prefer general fall/winter vibes. Also, I don't generally write porn but sometimes the fic leads that way, so if you would prefer no porn under any circumstances please note that so i know!

If you have an ao3, let me know and I'll gift it to you there, as well as tagging you here! If

if this flops we'll pretend it didn't happen, otherwise i'll reblog it a bunch and give people a chance to see it.

[therabidkell]

OK OK SO!!! Elaborating on the ambitious thoughts I'm having tonight: long post below

I'm imagining an animatic set to the song battle scars by paradise fears, specifically the acoustic version, focusing on the ups and downs of the destiny/2 universe, mostly focusing on guardians. It'd probably mostly be on my ocs unless any friends/mutuals would want their oc to appear in it! As I definitely don't have enough destiny ocs to match all the description parts(if you know the song you know what I mean).

Here's the song for those who haven't heard it, it's really good.

I feel like to the beginning would focus on the dark ages, like the opening music showing the destruction and death and s few lone ghosts, then as the lyrics start it shows all the survivors banding together and the first guardians rising.

The next part would be maybe some guardians reminiscing of their earlier days just learning to be alive. "You're stuck on the ground, got lost can't be found, just remember that you're still alive" would be a good for my oc Marmalade, then the start of the chorus could be her being saved from the hive nest. The the next her spending time on the tangled shore and reassuring her friends.

The part after the chorus could just be various guardians, and then the start of the city age on "better days are near" and the next lyrics could be my oc batidae and his ghost reassuring a newlight.

Next chorus could be Fossil being saved off Io from my friend's oc Jackie, and them surviving together before fireteam chaos fully formed.

The sort of rap part could be various non-guardians and their determination the live in the harsh world that is destiny/2.

I feel the "don't stop, march on." Could be finally catching up to light fall/the final shape and having the Traveler leaving to above earth. All the guardians and others scared but still continuing on.

The final chorus could be references to in-game lore mixed in with various ocs.

And the fade out could be the ending to the final shape campaign, where the guardians are looking out, if you've seen it you know what I mean

[cousticks]

Yo! I'm Cou, like in Acoustic! That's where the 'cousticks' comes from (mind blown, yet?) I'm a whole 21 years old, and would prefer they/it pronouns.

This account is my dumping ground for fandom posting, including analysis, aus (which you can find a list of here), writing, doodles, and more! You can find some of this writing on AO3, too.

I follow back from the url 'causticacoustic', as this is one sideblog of several. Please do not be alarmed by a purple Master Chief icon following you out of nowhere, or leaving asks, that's me!

Minors are welcome, but I'd prefer only my 18+ friends DM me. 18+ mutuals are welcome to my discord, too! Just send me a DM.

I encourage talking to me. Be it via asks (anon or not!), comments, reblogs, DMs, whatever, I love conversation, I'm just a little incapable of starting it, usually.

More blog info below!

Content

This is mostly a BSD blog. In the future it may also contain other media. Vanitas no Carte is probably going to make an appearance eventually, who knows what'll come after that.

Other media interests I doubt I'll post about here include:

the Halo universe

FLCL (only the og. we don't talk about the reboots.)

Portal games

Dishonored games

bad action movies in general

and more!

I also have other non-media interests, but I won't clog this up with them. You should totally ask me about them though.

I don't post or reblog anything NSFW. This is 90% because I don't want to forget to tag something, 5% because I'm ace and don't really need that here, and 5% because I don't want to make this blog a place minors can't go.

Tagging

Honestly, I'm not great at tagging upsetting content. If you need something specific tagged then leave me a DM or ask (anon or not) or something and I'll try my best to keep a running list of what needs tagged and how (I keep a Google Doc for myself for my tagging system and will happily add your needed tags to it). Chances are, you'd be seeing violence or blood. If you're in the BSD fanbase, I'm kind of making a blanket assumption that you're okay with that when you interact around here. If not? Good luck, I guess.

I give all characters their own individualized tags. I'm working on making them all short song lyrics. Please feel free to ask about any tags you see! Characters that haven't been given lyric tags yet are given the tag 'placeholder [character] tag.' If they're an au-specified character, such as from Beast, its specifically 'beast [Character] tag'. I have a handful of AU and/or concept emoji tags. If I ever see it relevant enough, I'll make a key for them.

Drawings are tagged #doodles. 'Personal' not really content posts are tagged #sticky note. More put-together posts I intend to actually circulate in the world are tagged with the fandom and relevant characters / novels, ex. #bsd dazai, #bsd fifteen, etc. People I interact with frequently might find themselves with their own tags as well! Mutuals, please don't think I suck for not giving you a tag or something pretty pretty please. My brain is very tired so I'm limiting it to those that appear often I promise I'm not slighting you personally on purpose.

Asks

I love getting asks. They can be actual questions on my thoughts, chain mail, insults, little gifts, whatever. I don't care. I love them and will treat them all with care. I have anon enabled and will always have it enabled. I'm also a big fan of ask games and have a ton of them tagged under #ask games. Those are all active all the time forever (though if its an older one you'd have to specify) I just like having things to talk about. Please talk to me.

This is very long and says absolutely nothing. Please direct all questions, comments, or complaints to the ask box.

[beautyofsorrow]

2, 4, 7, 18, 46

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

evil. evil question. why would you make me think about my multichaps. ok so i tried the intensive outlining thing, i really did, and it flopped so bad because i'm pretty sure i have adhd which, among many other things, means i need novelty in order to stay interested in a thing. but i also need STRUCTURE so i know where i'm GOING or i'll never FINISH so i have started doing this thing where i have the vague outline of what happens and then go from there. for without anesthetic, i had a pretty good idea of what i thought the first four chapters entailed before i ever sat down at the word doc, just so i'd have a measure of security behind this wildly ambitious idea. turns out it was only enough for three chapters and i am spinning my wheels a little on the fourth/fifth/sixth, but it's going so much better than my last multichap did, and i haven't abandoned it like my first. so yay! it's my own version of what i call the ann patchett method of drafting (see "the getaway car" in this is the story of a happy marriage for more details on that, dear mutuals who are not zanna). more adhd, but just rigorous enough to keep me from walking out. this seems to be working, but it's also nerve-wracking because oh no, what if i get ?? chapters deep and i've written myself into a corner? (the answer: girl calm down, it's fanfiction and you're supposed to be having fun)

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

i rifle through the fridge at 10pm looking for a very specific food that does not exist and then get mad at myself when i realize i am gonna have to write it into existence.

see also: my love for the characters (/horny and emotional). a desperate need for non-romantic sexually intimate relationships in media. upsetting plotholes in canon. deranged character dynamics. weird takes on popular tropes. religious trauma. family estrangement. being queer. i also read a lot of books and find plenty of sparks ideas juice inside them, usually in their style and execution. i looooooooove studying form and how it influences a book's plot.

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

whatever best serves the story! and/or whatever i feel i can handle best in a given moment. for example, the first time i tried my hand at sex pollen (drown me in glitter, glitter and gold) i had no fucking clue how to write from a sex-pollened person's POV, so the answer was to stay in la'an's head the entire fic. that let me get really comfy with the story so that by the time i had to write her being all high on horny juice, it flowed much more easily than if i had started in una's POV, who's dosed from the start. also, it was a much better, funnier, and stronger fic that way. la'an's mortification really came through and allowed me to hit a lot of comedic beats i wouldn't have been able to hit due to una's temporary plunge into angst.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

i do all three lol. mostly during and after. sometimes i'll have one from the start and it will stick; other times it will change to something else halfway through. many many times i will come screaming into ur DMs complaining about being done with a fic but not having title tags or summary. i started keeping a file in my notes app of lines of poetry i love, and i'll occasionally plunder them for titles. i'll also yoink song lyrics (just give me trust and watch what'll happen), riff on character quotes or episode titles (without anesthetic, ad astra), or rotate the fic in my head until something appropriately vibe-y presents itself (dress me down and hold me open, aces wild, stitch)

46. How would you describe your style?

contemplative, lyric and/or comedic (depending on the fic), & character-driven

[italiantea]

tagged by @hua-fei-hua, 15 questions for 15 mutuals

1. are you named after anyone

yes, i was named after my brother, on account of him being born earlier :p

ok no, i share the same generational name character with my brother but i wasn't named after anyone

2. when was the last time you cried?

like last week graduation day bro you know how it is

3. do you have kids?

idk what those are

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

like a decent amount ig. but I'd say my sense of humor is mostly recounting funny situations/Being Silly/puns (the sheer unbridled pun power of the chinese language... incredible)

5. what sports do you play/have played?

haha all the sports i partake in don't use the verb 'play' (im dogshit at ball games)

track and field in elementary/middle school (short distance running and long jump mostly) and parkour starting in uni. oh and i also did ballet till like age 12, to everyone's surprise ←now i literally just look like Some Dude and also have terrible coordination and absolutely no grace✌️

6. what's the first thing you notice about people?

hair, if they have glasses, shirt color. I'm pretty faceblind as well but in high school I used to memorize unfamiliar people by their shoes and that worked pretty well. i could spot Neon Pink Shoes senpai coming from a mile away

7. eye color?

⚫⚫

8. scary movies or happy endings?

no preference as long as it's well written. also this is the strangest non-mutually exclusive way of classifying stories I've ever seen

9. any special talents?

i can hold like a really fucked up looking pose on parallel bars on account of my Freakishly Long Neck. can pull all nighters all the time and not get dark undereye circles. double jointed thumbs? Good At Jumping compared to the average person in my demographic. tentatively trilingual. Oh and i wouldnt say I'm particularly talented at drawing but i can say for sure i can draw a mean picture in powerpoint shapes with a trackpad. don't ask me why

10. where were you born?

also in a hospital in einem ✨Krankenhaus✨ yeah that seems fitting

11. what are your hobbies?

digital art, parkour, and more recently novel and lyric translation. anime and manga but i dont keep up with that many series these days tbh. dabble in guitar/piano/music composition once in a blue moon and yes I'm very bad at all of them :D

12. do you have any pets?

none of my own but there's like 15 dogs on campus and we (dog club) are constantly tripping over ourselves to keep them in check. they're very stupid <3

here, have a picture

13. how tall are you?

been 166.7 cm since i was 15

14. favorite subject in school?

used to be physics in high school ig. at least the part about classical mechanics. never been a fan of electromagnetics🤢 in uni... idk, neurobiology was fun? and coding. i dont think most engineering students 'like' their core subjects haha

15. dream job?

*sweats* alrighty everyone that concludes this tag meme have a great night!

i definitely do not have 15 mutuals so anyone who wants 2 do it just go right ahead. if you're in an oversharing mood today.

[carbuckety]

Wanna share your favourite Cats actors?

WHY YES I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *ties you to a chair nice and secure*

Btw, I'm sure you know what all these people/characters look like, identification is for my poor non-Cats mutuals who I am also forcing to look at this post.

Well first off. the one and the only LINDSAY CHAMBERS

(Misto in the middle)

Pouncival/Misto (But mostly misto) in Zurich 1991. We have a FULL BOOTLEG of his Zurich Misto performance which is amazing!!!. Then he went on to play Misto on Broadway in 1994 and we also have (much more limited) video footage of that too! But mostly I love his Zurich Misto. He's mute in that production, because it was Vienna-based, but Zurich Misto is so communicative in his body language anyway that he doesn't need to be talking to the other cats or even making facial expressions (which I'm sure he does too but the video quality from the bootleg, while good, is not that good) for the viewer to understand what's going on with him.

I love Zurich 1991 in all its aspects (it's my favorite Cats production too!!!!!) but Lindsay Chambers' Misto is definitely one of my favorite parts of it!

And my second favorite Cats actor, well, they're much newer to the production. (So is my third but we'll get to her in a second)

Nora DeGreen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Demeter on the right in this amazing photo... but admire Erica too...)

I actually had the pleasure of meeting Nora when I went to see Cats in Philadelphia over spring break!!!! And they were soooo sweet and kind and lovely to talk to! They gave me a hug and told me they loved my earrings :)))) But aside from being a sweet person, they are also a great Demeter! Especially during the Macavity fight - during that, Nora's Demeter is huddled off to the side curled in a ball, looking up occasionally but hardly for more than a millisecond before they are back in a little ball, too afraid to even imagine what must be going on, and you can tell lots of heavy memories are being dredged up... just... GAH! Their acting is excellent. And their voice as well!!!! Absolutely stellar!!!!!! So lyrical and flowing, and watching Macavity was absolutely heavenly the way Nora and Erica as Demeter and Bomba played off each other both in voice and in acting. I could rant about Nora Demeter for hours upon hours (and force you to watch the, er, copious amount of footage i took) but I won't because now we will move on to my third favorite cats actor.

Maiya Hikasa!!!!!! Who just recently left as this leg of the International Tour finished :(((( I miss her so dearly.

(far left, the white cat)

She looks so graceful and happy in every single photo I have seen of her Victoria. The video footage too, I've mostly only seen bows (if anyone has a video of her doing the White Cat Solo, send it to me ASAP and we will be best friends forEVER) but she is so beautiful and lithe, she was such a great Victoria and I may or may not have a huge crush on her. Just, her makeup, her costume and wig, her mannerisms, everything seems so PERFECT for Victoria and I adore looking at the (little) content I have found of her!!!!!!!!! (of course I haven't really been actively seeking stuff out recently *cough cough classic rock has been taking over my life* so as I said if there's any footage of her during the show besides bows... send it to me... PLEASE LOL) She's just the perfect Victoria in my mind, my automatic go-to. Sorry, Phyllida.

[clouds-of-wings]

btw that "leftist metal recommendations" post I talked about like 2 months ago and that some of my followers/mutuals even asked to be tagged under is very much still sitting in my drafts, I just question its legitimacy every time I look at it. Is a band "leftist" for having an anti-fascist message? Isn't being anti-fascist something every decent person should do? Is having a non-traditional sounding female vocalist genderbending Eddic verses feminist? After all, I knew a female bodybuilder who was very anti-feminist, so style does not equal substance. Is having pro-working-class lyrics leftist? After all, Falconer used to be like that and their main guy's new project's lyrics are about as right-wing as I have heard bands be that weren't outright fascist (at least if I understand them correctly, the singing isn't always very clear, it's all very sad actually).

So the post just keeps sitting there and since like half the bands haven't actually committed to anything, I don't know what do with it. But most of the bands that are explicitly and consistently leftist don't have a sound that I like. I mostly listen to power/folk/symph, and those bands are like... death metal or punkish.

Maybe I should just post it with a huge disclaimer about subjectivity and so on.

[gayvillainera]

15 questions for 15 mutuals!

Thanks to @la-cocotte-de-paris for the tag!

1. Are you named after anyone? A person from the Bible lol

2. When was the last time you cried? I honestly don't remember but it was within the last few months

3. Do you have kids? Nope and not planning to

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not really! If I'm going for that vibe of humor I go for more dry observations. Occasionally I'll do some joking sarcasm as work-banter but that doesn't feel like my actual personality ha

5. What sports do you play/have you played? I'm including my many non-competitive athletic adventures in this! As a little kid, soccer. In later childhood through the end of high school I did gymnastics and then later dance (mostly lyrical/jazz), which I picked back up after I graduated college for a few years. In one year of high school I ran cross-country (5km distance - my single official competitive sport lol). For like one summer I joined a queer kickball league. During the pandemic I got into bodyweight calisthenics, which isn't technically a sport but it replaced the dance and kickball so I'm including it. And now I swim distance (I'm up to about 1600 yd).

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people? Their style! Also their posture/bearing.

7. What's your eye colour? Brownish hazelish

8. Scary movies or happy endings? I only want very specific types of both. Scary movies: not a ton of gore (unless it's funny), no stalking-related themes, don't love children as victims (with exceptions, ex The Exorcist). Happy endings: only if it works for the story AND I'm invested in the characters' success. Many many straight romances and asshole characters get happy endings and I don't always love it!

9. Any special talents? I can do a cartwheel

10. Where were you born? Small town in the Southern US

11. What are your hobbies? Video games, D&D, knitting/crocheting/cross stitch, writing, swimming, cooking/baking

12. Do you have any pets? PUMPKIN THE CAT, who is round and tailless and a delight.

13. How tall are you? 5'8"

14. Favorite subject in school? English, math, art. I also had some FANTASTIC women's and gender studies classes in college.

15. Dream job? "I do not dream of labor" but also, every job I'd want to do has some sort of downside (pay, availability, etc) so none of them are really dream jobs!

If you want to take this one on consider yourself tagged!

[armand-de-romanus]

tagged by @figsandphiltatos :)

shuffle your on repeat playlist (on spotify) and list the first 10 songs and then tag 10 people

First Time by Hozier -- Been listening to this one (and the album in its entirety) since last October and like much of Hozier, it spoke to me! I think my favorite part is about the flowers,,,, mothers gifting life to you again, how a plant lives mostly underground in the roots, deadened to light and sound but reaching for the light anyway, even when it's doomed to be cut back for its beauty?? how the plant knows it's dying but puts forth its every effort to make flowers anyway?? "fighting off like all creation the absence of itself, anyway" ANYWAY????? and the end hurts a special kinda bad ough! ough!

Sjamboksa by Gang of Youths -- god knows I love these boys, but this one is an unsung gem from their earlier albums. "In the thick of my heart, by the skin of my teeth, until I'm forgotten, and covered in weeds, and my withering soul is in the sea, i will hold on to you, hold on to me." It has a warm, heartful sound that gets me emotional

Keep Me In the Open by Gang of Youths -- not your typical love song. It's about a relationship in the end stages of failing. It's always been a heartbreaker, and I appreciate it filling an uncommon niche. "When did everything get this weird? how the fuck did it start? did you ever believe in me? was it always so hard?"

Welcome Home, Son by Radical Face -- I've loved this one since like 2018? or 2017? It's an EXCELLENT "thinking about your OCs" song with excellent vibes. Generally this band is good for this purpose, recommend their other stuff since I think this is their only big song. I enjoy Small Hands iirc. They have very visual lyrics that I can smell yk? "Sheets are swaying from an old clothes line, like a row of captured ghosts over old dead grass, was never much but we made the most"

Wildflower and Barley (Feat. Allison Russell) by Hozier -- This makes me think of Seurri and Erastos' year together in their mutual downtime, enjoying the glade together and Philander learning to be comfort in a gentle, quiet love. the fuck . the vibes are... like, jazzy and folksy. "springtime from my window, another month has not much longer now, the sun hesitates more on each evening's darkening, would all things god allows, remain above ground? like grief and sweet memory, wildflower and barley"

I Don't Know You by Mannequin Pussy -- Excellent intro to their show in Atl. Started us off easy for sure lol. It's soft, it's about regret, it's about knowing your regret and still being unable or unwilling to act on it i think. plus longing

Little Dark Age by MGMT -- I don't remember listening to this a ton recently but in general? yes. I'm claiming this one back from the fashy teens who wanna use it in ww2 edits, this song slaps severely and the dark and mysterious vibes speak to me. good for OC imagining lol "The humor's not the same, coming from denial" IDK if this song has a coherent meaning (ik MGMT can be cryptic) but I havent interpreted it and I like it that way frankly

Too Sweet by Hozier -- Who could have predicted! OHhh! who knew! This song is for Solomon and Solomon only idc idc idc idc "But you worry some I know, but who wants to live forever babe" like yess mercenary queen work i need you to concern your elf nobility non-wifey wifey endlessly

We Don't Believe What's on TV by Twenty One Pilots -- Middle school makes a bold return! I stopped listening to these guys before 2016 I think, but I got a hankering for this particular song because I'm so unsure of what I want to be or do, or if I can even be or do that. I want to be unafraid of the future with somebody and I don't think I could relate to this song in middle school but I get it now! Also I refuse to factor religion into my interpretation of top or I'll stop enjoying it again shh

Archie, Marry Me by Flyte -- This song is one I'd occasionally play on loop late at night, the echoing choir and soft, what, organ? in the background? If I had a wedding this would probably be in it. It's so warm and personal, but I love the original by i think Alvvays! This cover I just think I love more.

I don't think I have any steady mutuals who haven't already been tagged in figs' post so... like or rb this or otherwise let me know if you'd like to be tagged in anything in the future :)

[theragamuffininitiative]

Bonfire, cranberry, and maize (weirdest in a non-creepy way, I'll throw on) for the autumn ask!

Hiiiiii 👋😊 Thank you for specifying non-creepy. XD

Bonfire - describe your dream house.

Little one-and-a-half-storey, preferably with a basement but if I don't live in tornado-infested regions, that's optional. I'd rather have an old house than a new one. Hardwood floors. Stone fireplace. The upstairs is an open floorplan with windows in the eaves. It's lined with bookshelves filled with books. My office is there, by the window with the best or most quieting view. There are window seats and warm lighting when the daylight is too dim. On the main level, the kitchen and dining area are one space, where those preparing the meal can visit easily with those sitting down to be filled by it (but this space is separated from the rest of the house bc my goblin cats need to be kept out). The kitchen is warm earthen tones and orange and creams. I can hang my pots and pans above the island. There is a shelf for cookbooks and I am in a position to leaf through them regularly for new ideas. On the back of one counter, there is a small herb garden enjoying the light from the window over the sink where I can look out at birds or deer or rain while washing dishes. The dining table is big and wooden and solid and simple, dinged and scratched from cooking experiments and art making and guests with dishes and children. The chairs are either all equally simple and solid, or mismatched little characters. There are two restrooms, mostly so I can have one again separate from the dust and fur of goblins. Art of renown and of friends and of printed poetry and handwritten song lyrics hang on all the walls. My bedroom is simple and cozy and may have cat perches and tunnels and catwalks along the walls, which continue in the hallway and den. The den or living area is spacious but full, arranged with more bookshelves that hold trinkets and candles along with the books, and there are several comfortable spaces to curl up or stretch out. It has at least one westward-facing window so that the golden hour light is its very best feature. Outside, whatever "yard" there might have been is now carefully cultivated local flora, with stone paths, and it needs the work of caring hands but no lawnmower. There is a garden for fruit and vegetables around the back corner. There is a small but pleasant one-room guest house which maybe used to be a toolshed or little barn. The house is probably nestled in the mountains somewhere, on the side of a hill overlooking a valley. My neighbors are farmers and hunting cabins and there is a small town in the valley and a large city a few hours' drive away. And there are many trees.

Cranberry - what’s one physical feature that you get complimented on?

My hair probably, which is funny to me bc it doesn't seem that remarkable personally. But it's nice and thick and goes a little wavy and I can pull off long hair and boyish bobs and pixie cuts which I love. 😊 It goes straight when it needs a wash and people always ask if I got it cut then lol.

Maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.

I actively avoid encountering strangers on the street. XD Call it a character flaw. I am reminded of the summer of the pandemic when a tumblr mutual and bestie of mine came to visit and we ended up traveling (don't @ me ok) to a place that seemed the safest and most conscientious choice: we circumnavigated the state of Kansas by car. It was a lovely trip but we made a stop in the Tallgrass Prairie preserve to see some bison and at one point in the trail a gentleman in his 50s or 60s stopped us to offer to take our picture. We accepted and it was nice of him, and then he proceeded to stand there with us in the blazing sun and talk about all the places he had been, his life story, recommending different stops for us to try, and then rambling on about other unrelated things. It was not unpleasant but it was definitely weird and the poor man did not understand social cues so there was no polite way to get out of the conversation. XD At one point while he was describing a particular waterfall he said was about a half hour drive and a considerable hike out of our way, I looked beyond him on the prairie and noted a rather large dark bush sitting on the brink of a ridge. By the time he finished his story and we rather awkwardly and abruptly wished him a good day and realized we no longer had time to hike out the rest of the trail that day to find the bison, the distant "bush" had vanished and I realized it had, itself, been a bison. XD

[virahgo]

curtain call.

aw man, i meant to write replies & some drabbles when i got home, but it’s been a very long day and i gotta get up early in the morning so those’ll have to wait.

in the meantime, i have a fun starter call idea.

LIKE this post and i’ll put my music on shuffle; then write you a starter that either incorporates a lyric from the song or is based off of the meaning of it (or the music video if i think it’s cool/works with our muses).

[heartsfromia]

balance — l. jihoon

pairing: non-idol! jihoon x reader

word count: 2,384

genre: fluff

warnings: jihoon gets drunk, so mentions of alcohol

author's notes: lowkey inspired by their alcohol live when jihoon had to take a shot to speak up about his feelings (i cry everytime) and thank you for 200 followers !! <3 glad you all enjoy my delusions in writing :D

"Do you have to go to work today?" You asked, opening the fridge to cook up breakfast. You glanced back at Jihoon, already dressed in a semi-formal outfit of a white button-up and grey dress-pants, his feet still hidden in his slippers.

"Yeah, I do," he answered, with a slight nod before walking in front of the mirror to brush his hair.

"Do you want breakfast?" You watched his eyes glance at you through the mirror, clearly debating on whether to prolong his stay in your apartment.

He only shook his head in response, uttering, "Soonyoung and I are going to grab something on the way." You nod in understanding, walking towards him as you noticed his unruly collar. You fixed his collar, occasionally glancing at his slightly reddened face from the close proximity of you two, before brushing off the non-existent dust on his shoulders.

"Good luck at work," you stated, pressing your lips against his cheek, which only caused him to stiffen for a second, still trying to get used to the displays of affection you've grown comfortable to give him. With an awkward cough, he sends you a quick smile, before waving and leaving out your door.

You couldn't help but giggle at how flustered he got. You and Jihoon had only begun officially dating three months ago, after spending the last two years of college together as just friends. It was on graduation day did he decide to confess his feelings for you, thinking that you didn't feel the same way and that you would never see each other ever again.

Safe to say, that was not true because now, you're dating.

The news was surprising to every single one of your mutual friends, mostly Soonyoung, as he was the middle-man that got the two of you to meet in the first place. You were his friend since freshman year, and Jihoon was his friend since high school. He was the most shocked when he spotted the two of you holding hands on one your dates, and he just so happened to be in the area.

He even gave you both the silent treatment because neither of you told him when it first happened, only getting over it when you invited bought him coffee.

Soonyoung openly expressed how he never expected you to be dating Jihoon. Granted, you were both complete opposites of each other. The dynamic that Soonyoung had used to describe the two of you was that you were "a ray of a sunshine, that even the sun would hide away in jealousy", and Jihoon was "a dark cloud, incapable of expressing anything other than anger". Jihoon definitely smacked Soonyoung after hearing that.

You knew your mutual friend was wrong; Jihoon isn't incapable of expressing his emotions, he simply has his own way of doing so, and that was evident with how he confessed to you. It wasn't extravagant; it was simple, but you couldn't help but fall for him because of its simplicity.

A playlist. He made you a playlist, filled with songs you've never listened to, but after reading into the lyrics of the full playlist, you immediately drove to Jihoon's place to tell him the feelings were mutual.

He had his doubts. Jihoon told you that night that you would be dating someone that has never experienced a relationship before. Of course, you didn't mind. You found it endearing how you were the first person in his life he would call his lover.

But, unfortunately, there came a few doubts after continuing onto a relationship with him.

You hated it, though, how you would unintentionally compare Jihoon to your exes. You knew Jihoon was learning how to love you openly, and be just as affectionate as you are, but he's just not used to it. He's not a shower when it comes to affection, but he's unsure on how to show that he truly cares about you either.

It's a mess—he thinks it's a mess how he loves you.

And sure enough, Soonyoung thinks so, too.

"You're red as a tomato," Soonyoung pointed out as soon as Jihoon slid into his car. His eyes glanced up at your apartment complex, "Then again, you spent the night with Y/N."

"Can you shut up and drive?" Jihoon grumbled, trying to regulate his breathing, his hand involuntarily raised up to where you had kissed him. Looking out the window, the corner of his lips rose a bit, his heart racing in his chest.

"Why did you spend the night at Y/N's again?"

"None of your business." What he told you was that his office was closer in distance to your apartment, and he thought that he'd be able to get to work faster by staying with you for the time being. His actual reason: he just wanted to spend more time with you.

"Come on," Soonyoung whined, Jihoon still adamant. "You've never even told me how you both got together, and that's frustrating for me as the middle-man of your relationship."

Jihoon couldn't help but stare at his friend in disbelief.

"Neither would've been friends if it wasn't for me and my stomachache." Jihoon couldn't help but chuckle, remembering how Soonyoung and left you and Jihoon alone for two hours because he was fighting for his life in the campus bathroom.

Of course Jihoon was a bit grateful for Soonyoung accidentally eating too much spicy food, but he'd never admit that. Jihoon wouldn't hear the end of it.

"You're happy, though, in the relationship?"

The question that Soonyoung had directed to the both of you. As the middle-man of your relationship, he feels responsible that you both are together now, and obviously, as a true friend, he wants both you and Jihoon to be happy, all whilst supporting your relationship.

He had asked you the same question last week, when you were gathered with a few other friends since you and Soonyoung were in the same college major. When he knew you both were out of earshot from everyone else, he dropped the question.

"Yeah, I am," you answered, sending him a reassuring smile. "It's a process, obviously, since this is his first relationship, but I'm okay with guiding him along."

"Do you ever doubt he loves you the way you love him?"

It took you a few minutes to process his question, letting it rake through your thoughts, every single memory you've made with Jihoon since establishing your relationship. You were hesitant, but you nodded, causing a glimpse of guilt pass through Soonyoung's eyes.

"Like I said, it's his first relationship, there are things that just going through life won't teach you unless you've been in a relationship before," you explained, "sure, there are times when I couldn't help but compare him to my exes, but that doesn't mean I'll end it because Jihoon isn't like my exes—because Jihoon isn't like my exes, is why I'm still with him.

"I am," Jihoon answers, his eyes focused on his phone, the morning traffic causing them both to stay put within the streets of Seoul. "I wouldn't have confessed if I knew I wouldn't be happy."

"But do you love Y/N?" This question got Jihoon to pause his game, turning to face Jihoon, a skeptical look obvious on his friend's face.

"Why do you ask that?"

"Because, Jihoon, if I'm being honest with you," he begins, leaning back in his chair, letting one hand grip the steering wheel lazily, "you don't look like you're in love."

Jihoon's brow rose, rolling his eyes at his friend's notion.

"I'm serious, you don't necessarily show that you love Y/N," he exclaims, "like, I could tell that Y/N likes you, loves you even." Jihoon couldn't help but agree with that statement. The obvious evidence of your genuine feelings being that of earlier, with the kiss on his cheek and fixing his collar.

"Do you know your love language, Jihoon?"

"What?"

"Love language, do you know yours?" Jihoon only shook his head. "Do you know Y/N's?"

Again, Jihoon shook his head. To him, you might have all love languages equally spread out within you.

Physical touch; you would greet him with a kiss on the cheek when you knew no one was looking, knowing he'd be too embarrassed to display any affection publicly. You would also reach out to hold his hand, or link your pinkies when walking together, as a sign to say you were right there beside him.

Acts of service; you knew Jihoon wasn't too keen on cooking, and he'd have a terrible habit of ordering in food when he's hungry, so you'd take it upon yourself to cook him breakfast and dinner, sometimes heading over to his place just to make sure he's eating well.

Words of affirmation; Jihoon openly expressed how he gets shy when hearing compliments, and confessing to you that you were the only one that would compliment over mundane things. Such as when he could detect the BPM of a song, or play a random instrument you hand him when you both visit a music store.

"Oh my gosh, you're so cool."

"Damn, I wish I could play a guitar as good as you do."

"You look really handsome today, Jihoon."

"Good luck today at work."

And these were just the ones that he'd discovered since dating you three months ago. He knew that you'd always make him feel loved, and he was learning on how to do the same for you. It was difficult though, he also knew that.

He wanted nothing more than to make you feel just as loved, or even more. You had grown to become his best friend and his lover, and maybe, a part of him believes it's a first love thing, but he's glad to have it be you.

But other than a first love, he wanted you to be his last.

He knows he has to change his ways; be more open with his feelings towards, state how much you mean to him, or else, he might risk losing you because he's so terrible at loving you.

Jihooon <3 i'll be home late the team wants to go out for dinner

You alrightt have fun <3

Jihooon <3 thank you

Jihoon eyed the chatroom for what felt like an eternity, before typing in and sending.

Your eyes practically bulged out of your head when you saw the additional message he had sent.

Jihooon <3 <3

The smile on your lips only grew wider, your cheeks heating up as you locked your screen, your eyes averting back to the movie you put on, but you weren't focused.

Slowly but surely, you thought. It was a process after all, relationships. They aren't easy to navigate if one person held onto the reigns with all their might, while the other sits on their partner's shoulders, riding on the wave of time. You knew he'd eventually start being comfortable with showing you affection, especially in his own way.

You never thought it would be very soon, though.

You found yourself waking up to the sound of gentle knocking on your door. Glancing at the time on your laptop, you saw that it was already half-past eleven and you had fallen asleep in the middle of your movie.

Groggily, you rose from your bed and headed to the front door, opening to find Jihoon there.

"Jihoon?" You rubbed at your eyes, finding him leaning against the wall across from your door, head hanging low as pink dusted his cheeks, eyes closed. You stood in front of him, reaching out to gently hold his face, patting his cheek gently. "Jihoon."

His eyes opened lazily, blinking a few times before finding your eyes. Immediately, he smiled down at you, slurring, "Y/N…" You scrunched your nose, smelling alcohol from him which only caused your brows to furrow.

"Come in, it's cold," you urged, pulling him into your apartment and letting him lie on your couch. "I'll make you some tea." He only nodded weakly, his eyes fluttering close again.

He must've drank, despite being the type to never do so. During outings with college friends, when alcohol was involved, Jihoon would always have anything but alcohol in his cup.

"How much did you drink?" you asked, helping him sit up from his position, offering the cup of warm tea.

He took a sip, smacking his lips a few times before answering, "Half a bottle, I think—I'm more of a lightweight, you know?"

"Really?" you chuckled. "Do you need anything?"

Jihoon placed the cup on the coffee table, shaking his head before reaching out, his arms snaking around your waist as he rests his face into your shoulders. "Stay here�� with me."

You froze in his hold, surprised with his sudden action. A fond smile growing on your lips as you placed an arm around him, adjusting yourself so you were comfortably holding onto him, leaning your back against the arm of your couch.

"I'm sorry for not loving you enough, Y/N," Jihoon uttered, your chest tightening at his words. "And I'm sorry I need alcohol to have the courage to show you that I love you."

"Hey, don't say that," you mumbled, your fingers running through the nape of his neck. "You just have your own way of showing it, Jihoon."

He finally lifted his head, revealing his face as he leans his head on your shoulder, glassy eyes staring up at you. "But Soonyoung told me that you'd doubt that I love you as much as you love me…"

You rubbed the back of his head, eyes filled with adoration as you smiled down at him, finding his eyes fluttering close at your touch.

"You don't need to show affection the way that I do to you, to prove you love me, Jihoon," you assured him, "I think we balance each other out because I'm very frontal with my affection, and you're lowkey about it."

"Balance, hm?" You nodded, letting yourself sink into the couch until you were lying down beside Jihoon, his arms still around your waist as yours wrapped his shoulders.

As the two of you proceed to drift to sleep, you heard him utter softly before drifting to complete slumber. "I'm pretty sure you're my soulmate, Y/N."

"I'm sure you're mine, Jihoon."

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

-CLOSED-

I recently hit 11k followers! Honestly, it’s still crazy to me that so many care enough to follow my blog, on which I mostly just dump whatever I’m currently obsessed with SO thank you so, so much! 🥰

As a little celebration, I wanted you to be able to request a gifset from me! Here’s how it works:

The first list of topics you can request are based on my personal top ten (or sometimes less than ten, depending on the topic) list. This means that I have put together a list of eg my favorite Taylor songs or my favorite Taylor albums in a word doc and you can send me an emoji corresponding to that list plus a number and I’ll make a gifset for whatever number you have chosen! For example, if my number one favorite Taylor song of all time were Getaway Car, and you had sent me the emoji for the specific list (🎶 in this case) and a “1″, I would make a gifset for Getaway Car! (I hope this makes sense asdjkhaskh)

The second list from which you can request a gifset is more about you and your favorites! Just send me one of the numbers from the ask list + your answer to the prompt! (e.g. “1 + Enchanted” if your favorite Taylor song were Enchanted) and I’ll make a gifset for it! (also includes Olivia Rodrigo prompts)

For now, please do not send me more than one request, as I want to avoid getting swamped with them. (might change this rule if there are lesser requests - if yes, I’ll update this post so you know 😊)

You’ll find the prompts under the cut:

FIRST LIST

🎶 + a number between 1-10 for one of my favorite Taylor songs!

💃 + a number between 1-10 for one of my favorite Taylor music videos!

📝 + a number between 1-9 for one of Taylor’s albums, ranked by me!

🎤 + a number between 1-10 for an artist/band besides Taylor that I love!

🎧  + a number between 1-5 for a non-Taylor album that I love!

📺 + a number between 1-10 for one of my favorite tv shows!

👥 + a number between 1-10 for a tv/movie couple that I ship!

🎬 + a number between 1-10 for one of my favorite movies!

SECOND LIST

Your favorite Taylor song!

Your favorite Taylor lyric!

Your favorite Taylor music video!

A color scheme (you can request either Taylor or Oliva; example: “Taylor + mint/pink”)!

Your favorite Olivia Rodrigo song!

Your favorite Olivia Rodrigo lyric!

Your favorite Olivia Rodrigo music video!

If you have any questions about the prompts, feel free to ask me! and thank you guys again! ly so much 🥰

I’m gonna tag some of my mutuals for a signal boost (I hope that’s ok for u ahh 🥺):

@itsgoldenlikedayllight @tolerateit @loverdeluxe @tayloralison @cruellesummer @bybdolan @treacherousdemo @folkloredeluxe @alisonsmouth @thenighttrain 🥰

[zosonils-art]

Do you have a robot master OC (of the eight plus Drum) that you’d say is your favorite? If you haven’t done an infodump for them yet then you should do that one next

i couldn't choose a favourite if i tried, i love them all, but since you mentioned drum i thought i'd give her some new art and a proper dedicated post too! infodrump [ayyy] under the cut

drum, serial number SWN-002, is my take on the popular [????? i'm still a bit of a mega man fandom newbie i don't know hjdfn] 'wily equivalent to roll' oc template! she keeps things running at the various castles and fortresses and hideouts and whatever else her dad holes up in, whether that's by doing housework, planning schemes, or dodging taxes. whenever wily is trying to take over the world, drum acts as his second-in-command, ensuring that everything goes according to plan and ordering around the latest group of robot masters

she's every bit the edgy mid-00s teenager she looks: sarcastic, apathetic, and always talking back to her dad. she's more obedient than bass is, but she doesn't care for her job at all and will resort to any flimsy excuse or act of malicious compliance she can come up with to slack off. due to her purpose as an organiser and commander, she's a bossy control freak who's quick to anger when things don't go exactly her way, although when she's off work the worst of these traits recede in favour of more conventional teenage apathy. she sees herself as above the time and effort it takes to go out of her way to be mean to people like wily and bass tend to do, but she's equally uninterested in being nice on purpose and her default attitude is squarely on the nastier side

when she doesn't have work to focus on - and sometimes when she does anyway - drum is the lead vocalist and guitarist in a garage band, of which she is [currently - a friend's ocs get involved later, but that's a whole different post] the only member. i'm not good with music terms but she's into whatever genre stuff like wake me up inside and crawling in my skin is [i know those aren't the names hdfjf it's just the words i know people will recognise]. the sort with the crunchy guitar and the very loud lyrics about being sad and/or angry. playing or blasting music helps her to calm down when she's in a bad mood, which is pretty much all the time. the first warning sign of a new wily plot is a spike in search popularity for my chemical romance

i haven't gotten around to designing it, but drum has a non-armoured form like most of the other more explicitly kid-like robots, which she mostly uses for loitering around malls when she has an excuse to not be at home. she rarely buys anything, just hangs out and radiates an aura that makes suburban white women hurry their three kids into the next shop. drum often ends up hanging out with like-minded teens in the same vague area of the goth/punk/emo venn diagram she occupies, and makes a bit of a game out of seeing how honest she can be about her life without revealing that she's one of the world's most wanted robots. she tells herself that it's just something she does out of boredom and curiosity towards humans, but it mostly stems from loneliness and the desire to have literally any friends that aren't her brother's dog

as a sort of contrast to the healthy and positive relationship between their lightbot counterparts, drum and bass absolutely DESPISE each other and make no secret of it. each of them thinks of the other as an insufferable prick and they'll get into petty arguments over just about anything, from whose turn it is on the xbox to who treble loves more. [for the record, it's drum. she lets him hang out in the kitchen while she's cooking and sneaks him food scraps when bass isn't looking. he's the only family member she has an even remotely positive relationship with.] pretty much the only thing that can get them to stop fighting is mutual hatred of a bigger prick, and so far the only person to consistently get them to put their differences aside like this is wily himself - as much as the wily kids hate each other, they hate their dad just a little more, and have a history of teaming up just to mess with him. sometimes mega man can spark that spiteful cooperation, but drum's total apathy towards the light-wily family rivalry means she usually sees him as not worth her time and just finds bass' obsession with beating him even more annoying

drum wasn't made for combat, and as such she doesn't have a signature weapon or any fancy tricks like the copy chip. usually she just orders other robots to do the fighting for her. however, she is equipped with a standard arm-mounted buster, and can hold her own in battle with a 'fight smarter, not harder' approach if she has to. she's also outfitted with the same treble adapter that bass has, so if she's backed into a corner she can call on him for a power boost. treble is capable of supporting both adapters simultaneously, so as an absolute last resort they can all combine into treble-boosted drum & bass, who theoretically has all the combat power of bass plus the strategic thinking from drum and the boost in power from treble. in practice, though, drum and bass are so at odds with each other that they can barely hold together in the same body without either fighting for control or outright splitting apart to argue harder. again, it takes a lot of spite to get them to work together, but if something draws their combined ire and convinces them to cooperate they're an utterly terrifying force to be reckoned with

the game idea i vaguely have in my mind would feature drum as the final-not-final boss before wily reveals he was the mastermind behind it all and surprises absolutely nobody. she was put in charge of the latest world domination attempt, probably as the result of a 'why don't YOU take over the world if you're so smart' conversation, and in true drum fashion she follows a standard wily plot outline to the letter - including the blatant flaws, like all eight of her chosen robot masters forming a rock-paper-scissors wheel just begging to be exploited by the copy chip, and making a clear path from just outside the death fortress to her base of operations. after she's defeated in combat, she sarcasically wonders aloud how mega man could have possibly bested her plan and then helpfully points rock directly to wily's castle. she didn't wanna do the stupid scheme in the first place

again, i love all my ocs too much to possibly choose a favourite, but i'd say drum was the most fun to come up with if only because i had the help of some mates in a discord server. someone was like 'hey if there's bass is there a roll equivalent called drum or something lol' and i SPRINTED to microsoft paint to rough out a character design and the next entire day was just a constant stream of all of us bouncing ideas off each other and creating the meanest girl in the universe. her design changed a little bit from the initial sketch, most notably she used to have the half-shaved hairstyle that every gay person tries at some point before that changed to a midpoint between phoenix wright and sonic the hedgehog, but overall everything about her as a character flowed really well from the start. while she's fallen mostly into my hands since the initial brainstorm, she absolutely wouldn't exist without those friends' input and i feel that that's important to mention!

i'm very tired and i've been working on this on and off for the past day so i'm gonna call the infodrump finished here - thanks for giving me the excuse to talk about her! unfiltered and transparent versions of the art below as always