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blackfadestosilver · 11 years ago

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Recovery // Compiled RP

This is an rp that was done with lunatum-lunae (Skittle) via Skype. This takes place after our previous thread, Domination, and my soon to be written drabble.

I have put a readmore here to spare everyone's dash as it is rather long. There are mentions of rape, so do not read if it will trigger you.

Since being released from the room, Saix had remained in his own. He knew Xemnas was out during the day and slept through the night but the Diviner hadn't dared leave his room - he hadn't wanted to run into the silver and his sight still hadn't returned properly. He had stayed curled up on his bed with his cat, had barely eaten or slept or... anything. His body ached. He couldn't sleep with fear of Xemnas summoning him. But he couldn't move from his curled position.

It had been a few days since his "lessons", the silver afraid to go back to Never Was for the time being. Xemnas was the last person he wanted to see. But there was someone else there that was on Sephiroth's mind. Someone he loved dearly. Saix. Saix lived there with his 'master'... Sephiroth had mustered enough courage to try and go to Never Was again, if only to make sure Saix hadn't been beaten again. Sephiroth ached still, but paid it no mind. Taking a deep breath, the silver opened the portal to Never Was, hoping that it led him where he had intended it to. It had. The silver stood outside the door to Saix's room now. Breathing a sigh of relief, Sephiroth knocked on the door.

The knock made Saix flinch and a sick feeling in his stomach until he realised - Xemnas wouldn't knock. He sat up, gently moving Willow aside before moving to the door, wincing at every movement. After Sephiroth had left, Xemnas had come to him again. He still hurt. He took a breath and opened the door, looking up at Sephiroth... or rather, a little too high. He could only make out smudges still. "Seph...?" His eyes narrowed, trying to focus enough to see properly.

Sephiroth waited patiently at the door, a hand playing with one of the loops on the collar, until the door finally opened. Good, Saix had been in his room... "Yeah, it's me. I..I'm here now." The other's squinting made Sephiroth's heart drop. Would the other's vision ever be back to normal?

Saix's brows furrowed and he reached up, hesitantly cupping the other's cheek, thumb brushing his thumb against Seph's cheekbone. "How are you... Are you alright...?"

Sephiroth sighed, leaning into the touch. His hand moved from his collar to place itself over the other's hand. "...I..Will be. Eventually." He hoped at least. At least the majority of his wounds would heal faster than a normal humans would do to the mako, only the more major wounds truly leaving scars behind.

Saix gave a short hum, smiling as he felt his lover's hand over his own. Yes, they would be alright, eventually. He let his hand slide down, frowning as he felt the smooth leather at the other's neck. "What's..." He trailed off as he felt one of the loops, eyes widening. "Oh my god, is... Are you wearing a... a c-c-col-llar...?"

Sephiroth sighed and looked away as the other noticed the collar. If he reacted this way to the collar, he'd hate to see Saix's reaction to the sigil scar on his chest. "I..I am. He's enchanted it... Can't be taken off." Saix felt his throat tighten and while he felt those sick nerves in his stomach surge, he managed to breathe and settle for now, hand dropping to his side. "So that's it then." His voice was flat. "You're his now."

Sephiroth's heart dropped at the words, the lack of anything in the other's voice. "He's...He's claimed me as his pet, love..." Did... Did Saix not want to see him anymore? Mako eyes moved to look at the other, afraid of what was going to happen, of what the other would say next.

That was definitely more than Saix could handle and he was gone from the doorway; he had shadowed to his bathroom - nothing in his stomach to bring up so he just curled on the floor. Pet. Xemnas had claimed Seph as his pet. Suddenly the rape made sense, why Xemnas had done it in full view of Saix. A show of who Sephiroth belonged to. Pet. Pet. He shuddered, biting down on a knuckle. And while he was fighting the breakdown, Willow had moved to Sephiroth, weaving between his ankles and purring, standing up on her back legs and resting her front paws against his leg, wanting cuddles and pets while her daddy was hyperventilating on the bathroom floor.

Sephiroth breathed a sigh as the other dissappeared. Yep. This was going to be a difficult process for the both of them. Sephiroth looked down as he felt the cat against his leg. He knelt down to pick her up. He held her in his arms, carefully scratching her head and rubbing her ears, as he thought of Saix.

Willow purred, nuzzling and snuggling. He smelled like the bad silver but also like Saix, so that was okay. Eventually Saix had himself back under control and he uncurled, sitting up and leaning back against the wall, drawing in a shaky breath.

Sephiroth wasn't sure where exactly the other had disappeared to, but he walked into the room, still holding and petting Willow. He stood for a moment looking around, hoping to spot the other curled up somewhere in here. Failing to see any trace of him, he called out cautiously, "Sai?"

Saix, by this stage, had tipped his head back to lean it against the wall, legs stretched out and fingers laced together to stop his hands trembling. "In the bathroom," he called out, and when Willow heard him, her ears perked and she jumped from Seph's arms to pad into the bathroom, crawling into Saix's lap and snuggling against his stomach, warming his skin through the thin tank top and purring happily.

Sephiroth blinked as the cat jumped from his arms, but he followed her to the bathroom. He moved to sit on the floor, cross-legged, facing Saix, afraid to do anything. He only wanted to hold the other, to be near him, craved it. But if Saix didn't want him anymore... Sephiroth wouldn't push the issue.

Saix took a deep breath, closing his eyes and after a moment, moved Willow to the floor. He shadowed, reappearing in Seph's lap, clinging tightly - legs around his hips and arms around his chest, burying his face against his lover's neck and breathing in the familiar scent. "I love you," - his voice was muffled and he was trembling.

Sephiroth hissed in pain as the wounds on his hips and side were pressed against, but quickly found himself clinging back, arm wrapped tightly around the other. He closed his eyes for a moment, glad to have him there. "I love you to." A hand found it's way to the other's hair, petting it gently, trying to calm the other's shaking.

Saix pressed as close as he could, needing the comfort, needing Sephiroth as close as possible. He forced himself to relax though, loosening his legs and arms so he wasn't clinging so tightly, mindful of injuries and the aches in his own body.

Sephiroth happily held him there, grateful that he was still wanted, even after being marked as a pet. Sephiroth moved to press a kiss against the other's forehead.

A small shiver went through him at the kiss and a soft, pleased sound left him as he snuggled close. "I love you," he murmured, shifting and drawing back, meeting the other's eyes. "... It... It will take time for us to heal but... we're survivors, you and I. We're too stubborn to just remain broken forever."

Sephiroth nodded. "I love you to." He said softly. "We'll both be able to get through this. Together." A hand moved to cup the other's cheek gently. Sephiroth had wanted to summon his wing to wrap around them both... But a combination of it's current state and Xemnas' words kept him from doing so.

Saix nodded, leaning into the touch with a soft purr, turning his head to nuzzle the palm. "Do you mind if we move?... The tiles are cold." He wanted to be able to cuddle properly, and wanted to sleep in Seph's arms again.

Sephiroth shook his head. "I don't mind one bit. To the bed then?" He gave a small smile, happy to have Saix near him.

Saix nodded again and stood, offering a hand to help him up. "Before that though... Your wing." He looked away, frowning. "He... told me he... That he... He told me what he did. ... Can I see it...?"

Sephiroth gladly accepted the hand, getting up. The wounds on his hips protested this action however. He froze at the other's words. How much had Xemnas told him? "I..I would let you I just..." Sephiroth wasn't sure how to put into his words his uncertainty at the other silver's order. /Don't summon it without my permission/ is what he had essentially said wasn't it?

Saix's eyes softened and he gently squeezed the other's hand. "If he said something while he was punishing you... then he only meant it for when you're with him." He looked away again. "... I can... help, with him, I mean. I know how their minds work."

Sephiroth nodded, that fear having been settled for the moment. Sephiroth gently squeezed back. "I..I would like that." He could use all the help offered at this point. And with that, Sephiroth summoned his tattered wing, a majority of the flight feathers gone, as well as a large patch of the other feathers.

Saix nodded, moving back a little to give him room and at the sight of the wing, a soft whine escaped him and he tugged Sephiroth to the bed. Once they were sitting, he gently brushed his fingers against the wing, searching his mind for the necessary spells and working to restore the feathers. "Stay still," he murmured.

Sephiroth had flinched as he felt the other touch his wing,tensing up, but relaxed once he remembered who it was touching the wing. He wasn't sure what the other was doing, but was sure to listen to the murmured command.

Saix was focused on the wing, gently brushing his fingers over the patches of skin, mumbling healing spells under his breath, soothing the skin. "I can't regrow the feathers but this will stop the pain, at least."

Sephiroth nodded at the other's words, looking over his shoulder at him. "It's more than enough Saix..." Sephiroth murmured at him. He'd just have to wait for the feather's to grow back, however long that will take.

"It's not. It's my fault he did all of this." Saix sat back, lacing his fingers in his lap and frowning. "If he hadn't known we were together he still would have done some of this but... He's doing this to remind me nothing I have is truly mine. That he c-controls e-everything to do with m-me."

Sephiroth shook his head as he heard the other's words. He turned and folded his wing, moving to sit sit cross-legged in front of the other. He reached a hand out to place on top of the other's hands. "It's not your fault. I've been arguing with him for a while now... He figured out how to get me to listen to him is all... I'd of fought back by now if I was certain I'd win but... What he threatened me with if I didn't take him out on the first go is worse..."

Saix sighed, taking Seph's hand and closing his eyes. "I can imagine. ... Xemnases... aren't like the rest of us. They're like spiders, really. So many strings attached to everyone, knowing everything that goes on in their web... and dead inside. Empty."

Sephiroth nodded at the other's words. They made sense to the silver. "...I..I'm curious Saix. How much did he tell you... About what he did to me?"

Saix glanced up through his lashes. "Not much. He only told me he... That he t-taught you a few l-lessons... No details. Only said he did something to your wing and... that he r-raped you... But you liked it. .. I know what it's like." He closed his eyes. "He makes you think you like it. That's worse."

Sephiroth breathed a sigh. He had tried to forget about that, how Saix had been forced to watch... "...I tried to keep as quiet as I could then... To try and make it better for you as best I could... I'm... I'm sorry." He looked away from the other, eyes focusing on somewhere else.

Saix shook his head, moving to brush his fingers through the other's hair, gently untangling the small knots. "I know you did. .. It's nothing you could help, Seph. You know that I know what it's like."

Sephiroth leaned into the other's hand as it went through his hair. "I..I know Saix..." He sighed. "I..I promised myself I'd apologize to you though..."

"Mn." Saix gently pulled him close, nuzzling into silver hair and purring. "There's nothing to apologise for, my heart. If you'd resisted at any time, he would have torn you apart just to prove a point."

Sephiroth nuzzled back, a sigh of contentment leaving him. "I know, love..." Sephiroth moved, gently pressing a kiss on the other's lips. "I love you."

Saix gave a soft hum, smiling. "And I love you. Always." He lay back, gently tugging the silver with him and carefully wrapping an arm around his back. "Stay here tonight."

Sephiroth gave a slow blink before a smile crossed his face. "Anything for you." Sephiroth kissed him again, a small hum escaping him.

Saix hummed again, wrapping both arms around him and stroking his fingers through Sephiroth's hair. "He's away from the castle tonight. Sleep here with me."

Sephiroth gave a nod. "That's good... It was hard enough to come here and see you... I was afraid I'd see him again... Not like I can really hide from him now anyways even if I wanted to... He'd be able to find me."

Saix frowned. "But you aren't here all the time. How is he suppos--" He cut off, jaw clenching. "No. Don't tell me he did. Not the sigil."

Sephiroth sighed. "...Wish I could tell you he didn't... But I'd rather not lie to you."

Saix felt his throat tighten again and that sick feeling twist his stomach, and quickly relaxed his hands before they dug into Sephiroth's back. "Where."

"...My chest. Right over my other scar..." Sephiroth gave him a concerned look, worried about the other's reaction. At least he hadn't shadowed to the bathroom this time.

It was too much again but Saix only managed to shadow to the floor beside the bed, curling up and forcing himself to breathe as slowly as he could, squeezing his eyes shut.

Sephiroth breathed a sigh. Of course he had to have a lover with that type of power. And who seemed to use it whenever he was freaked out. The silver moved to get off the bed, and found Saix there. Quietly, he moved to the floor, sitting next to him.

Saix sensed the other near him but stayed where he was, curled up tight and shuddering, jaw clenched tightly to stop a panicked sound escaping. It was bad enough that he had that disgusting sigil, now Seph had it too. Hell.

Sephiroth watched him. He wasn't sure what to do. A gloved hand reached out, gently touching the other's arm. What was the silver supposed to do? Was this something he'd merely have to let pass or what?

At the touch, Saix flinched and shadowed across the room, back thumping painfully against the wall. When he realised it was still Sephiroth, he shuddered in relief, slumping forward and hugging his knees to his chest. "I'm s-sorry, S-S-Sephiroth... Th-this is all m-my f-fault... H-he won't l-l-leave you al-lone n-now..."

Mako eyes widened as the other shadowed again. He couldn't help the tears that had come to his eyes. Saix had fled from his touch. Hadn't wanted him... He held them back as he heard the other begin to speak, head swiveling to the other's new location. Sephiroth remained where he was,a tight feeling in his throat, speaking barely loud enough for the other to hear him. "He wouldn't of left me alone anyways... Not as long as I was with you... Don't... Don't blame yourself." Sephiroth couldn't have known all those months ago that.. Something like this would be the result... but he'd do it all over again. He loved Saix. Nothing was going to change that.

Saix drew in a shaky breath, biting the inside of his cheek. "How can I... n-not blame mys-self... wh-when i-it's m-m-my f-fault h-he's d-doing all of th-th-th--" He cut off with a frustrated sound, smashing his fist against the wall, leaving a hole in the white surface. He forced himself to breathe properly, to keep the Berserker down, but his eyes were flickering between his amber and the Berserker's bright gold.

Sephiroth flinched as the other hit the wall. What was he supposed to do? What could he do at this point? "Saix. ..I was the one who wanted to get with you, remember? If it's anyone's fault... It's my own. And if I had to do this all over again... I'd still do it. As long as I have you."

Saix looked over at him, curling tighter, forcing as deep a breath as he was capable of. "I'm n-not worth s-so much p-pain," he said softly, burying his face against his forearms, and the numbness finally eased and was replaced by deep sobs, shoulders shaking. Seph was suffering and it was because of him. He wasn't worth all of this.

Sephiroth found himself moving then, not thinking. Saix was crying and... Sephiroth had to try and comfort him. He found himself next to Saix before he could process it. He wrapped an arm around the shaking shoulders, holding him close. "Saix... You are worth it. Every moment of it..."

Saix flinched again but didn't shadow away; this time he moved into the other's arms and buried his face against his chest, clinging tightly to muffle the sobs. "I-I'm... n-not worth a-all of... th-the p-pain... and ev-ventually y-you'll r-realise and l-leave l-l-like everyone e-else."

Sephiroth gave a hiss of pain as the other came into contact with the still healing sigil; even if it was through the shirt, it was still painful. Sephiroth quietly began to stroke the other's hair, holding him there. "I won't leave you. I love you too much to leave you Sai."

Saix immediately pulled away as he heard the hiss and at the words, his face went blank. "Really." He wiped the tears away with quick swipes. "That's exactly what Lea said." He forced his emotions down, locking them away as he once had as a Nobody. It was better than letting the Berserker take over. "I need a shower. Do you mind?"

Lea? Sephiroth thought to himself. Sephiroth watched him for a moment before replying, "I..I don't mind."

"Mm." Saix untangled himself and stood. "I won't be too long." He shadowed to the bathroom, closing and locking the door out of habit. He needed a few minutes of privacy to clean himself up again. Never mind that Sephiroth was his lover; it was humiliating to be so damn needy and to break down like that. Xemnas would have laughed himself stupid had he seen.

Sephiroth watched as he disappeared and heard the sound of the bathroom door closing and locking. He breathed a sigh before getting himself up off the floor. It would be a long process for the both of them, overcoming this most recent development. He moved to the bed, kicking off his boots and taking off his jacket. He lay on his back an arm covering his eyes, waiting for the other to finish.

True to his word, Saix wasn't long in the shower and when he opened the door, he hadn't bothered with getting dressed. There was no need to. He moved to the bed and lay beside the silver, sliding an arm across his waist and brushing a kiss to his chest. "Tired?" he murmured.

Even if the other hadn't taken that long in the shower, Sephiroth still managed to get lost in thought, replaying what had just transpired in his mind. He hadn't noticed when the other had opened the bathroom door. As he felt the other slide an arm around him, he peeked out from beneath his arm to look down at the other. With a sigh the silver replied, "Yeah, I am... You?"

Saix nodded, leaning up to kiss his jaw. "Mn, a bit." He sat up to start finger-combing his hair, untangling the strands and closing his eyes. "You should go have a shower. You'll feel better."

Sephiroth covered his eyes again for a moment before sitting up. "A shower does sound good, love... I won't be long." Sephiroth gave Saix a kiss on the cheek before he moved from the bed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

"Mmhmm." Saix finished smoothing out his hair and lay back, stretching and relaxing with a hum. He closed his eyes but didn't sleep, waiting for Seph's return.

Sephiroth wasn't long, even with washing the remaining feathers on his wing. Sephiroth opted to put his shirt back on, as well as boxers after the shower, not wanting the other to see his still healing wounds. He opened the door, his hair as dried off as he could get it, and made his way to the bed again, lying next to Saix.

Saix turned onto his side and snuggled close, purring and sliding an arm across Seph's hips. "Better now?" he murmured, gently rubbing the other's hip.

Sephiroth moved his hip away as best he could at the other's touch, the wound there agitated even by that. Sephiroth wrapped an arm around the other, gently playing with his hair. "Yeah, slightly."

Saix stopped, hurt until he realised there must be a wound there, and snuggled against him. "That's good..." He yawned and closed his eyes, moving to wrap his arm carefully around the silver's waist. "Is this alright?"

Sephiroth pressed a kiss to the other's forehead, before closing his eyes and snuggling back. "It's fine... Just.. Be careful."

"Mmhm." Saix yawned again, gently stroking his fingers up and down the silver's side, nuzzling his neck. "Wake me up if you need anything..."

"Alright, love... I love you," Sephiroth replied, a hand gently running through the other's hair.

Saix smiled, humming against his neck. "Love you back, love. Get some sleep though." He was asleep in moments, snuggled close.

Sephiroth continued to stroke the other's hair until he to was asleep, glad to have the other there.

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