#luckily my friends love and tolerate me even at my worst OR best depending on how you feel about aircraft designations

[sadclowncentral]

i love when people get more loud and outgoing and happy to talk to strangers after having a drink or two it's fun to watch people come out of their shell however i am like that sober alcohol just makes me unable to mask my autism. which means partying with me is like this

friend: you were right man the people here are so cool i've made so many friend alrea- dude are you okay you are so quiet all of a sudden

me who has not blinked in 5 minutes: yes. can i please list aircraft designations in alphabetical order now

[kjack89]

gold rush

As was requested, a sequel to ‘tis the damn season (tumblr, AO3). ExR, modern AU, former relationship. Still not a happy ending. Still the potential for writing more.

I’m here.

Enjolras sent the text message and tried to ignore what felt an uncomfortable amount like nerves as he leaned against the fence, scrolling aimlessly through Twitter. He jumped when the gate swung open next to him, relaxing only slightly when he saw Grantaire. “Hey,” Grantaire said, his breath fogging the air.

“Hey,” Enjolras returned, a little awkwardly, wondering what the protocol was for greeting an ex.

Luckily, Grantaire solved the problem for him, reaching out to give him a quick, one-armed hug. “I honestly wasn’t sure you’d call,” he said as he let go of Enjolras. “Considering how we, uh, left things.”

Enjolras was tempted to ask if he was referring to how they’d left things a few nights ago after their chance meeting outside of the bar, or how they’d left things a decade ago when they broke up, but decided against it. “Technically I didn’t call you,” he pointed out instead, shoving his phone in the pocket of his coat. “I texted.”

Grantaire grinned. “Pedantic as always,” he said.

Wordlessly, they fell in line next to each other, walking down the sidewalk in momentary silence, which Grantaire broke with a sideways look at Enjolras. “So are you still scared of my parents?” 

Enjolras scowled. “I’ve never been scared of your parents,” he said, somewhat insulted.

“Then why would you not just come up and ring my doorbell instead of texting me?” Grantaire asked, amused. “For that matter, why did you never once ring my doorbell the entire time we were dating?” 

 “I don’t know,” Enjolras said honestly. “I guess it never occurred to me that I should have.”

Grantaire chuckled and shook his head. “Well, I suppose I can forgive you,” he said, nudging Enjolras lightly with his shoulder. “You were in high school, after all. And an idiot.”

“Thanks,” Enjolras said sourly.

“But I’m sure you’ve had a lot more experience meeting the parents of your significant other, Grantaire continued, glancing sideways at Enjolras. Right?”

Enjolras hesitated. “Depends on what you mean by experience,” he hedged.

Grantaire raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“In my defense, I haven’t really ever dated someone that seriously.” Grantaire didn’t say anything and Enjolras winced with sudden realization. “Besides, um, besides you, I mean,” he muttered.

To his surprise, Grantaire just laughed lightly. “You don’t have to do that, you know,” he said, and Enjolras frowned at him.

“Do what?”

Grantaire shrugged. “Pretend like we were more than what we were.”

Enjolras frowned at him. “I was under the impression we dated for three years in high school,” he said warily, wondering where exactly Grantaire was going with this.

Evidently, nowhere, since Grantaire just shook his head and looked down at the slush-dotted sidewalk. “You know what? Let’s not do this right now.”

Part of Enjolras wanted to ask, again, do what?, but he figured playing dumb wouldn’t get him particularly far. Instead, he asked, “Why not?”

“Because this is our last night in town together, and I assume when you texted me this morning to ask if I wanted to grab a drink that there would actually be drinks involved,” Grantaire said with a sigh. “And I don’t know about you, but I prefer my drinks without dredged up decades-old arguments.”

Enjolras cocked his head slightly. “Does it count as an argument if only one party is seemingly involved?”

Grantaire didn’t laugh. “I’ll defer to the lawyer among us on that.”

“Then I would say no,” Enjolras said, but Grantaire still didn’t so much as crack a smile. “Seriously, I’m not sure where you’re going with this, and I’m definitely not sure I can table something that I don’t understand.”

Grantaire sighed and crossed his arms tightly across his chest. “Can we please just get that drink?” he asked, sounding tired. “It’s too fucking cold to have this conversation out here. And you know that I’ve always been better arguing with a drink or twelve in me.”

“On that point, the defense will stipulate.”

“Ok Yoda,” Grantaire said with a snort.

Enjolras scowled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Grantaire gave him a look. “Please tell me that I don’t have to explain Star Wars to you.”

“Fuck off, you know that’s not what I meant,” Enjolras said, without any real heat. “But if you see me as Yoda, of all characters—”

“I didn’t say that, but your turn of phrase was particularly Yoda-esque,” Grantaire shot back.

Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “So you don’t think I’m like Yoda?”

Grantaire smirked. “Didn’t say that either.”

Enjolras rolled his eyes and huffed, “I feel like I’m beginning to understand why Han shot first.”

“Oh, so now I’m Greedo?” Grantaire asked, half-insulted and half-amused.

“And I didn’t say that.”

The familiar bickering carried them all the way to the bar, where they settled at a table in the back. “Uh, vodka tonic for me,” Grantaire told their waitress as he struggled to peel his sweatshirt off, the tshirt he was wearing underneath caught up in it as he tugged it up over his head.

Enjolras tried not to stare at the swath of taut skin revealed, and it took several tries before he realized the waitress had asked him a question. “Uh, what?”

“Can I get you something to drink?” the waitress repeated, looking like she was trying not to laugh.

“Uh…” Enjolras trailed off as Grantaire, finally triumphant over his sweatshirt, settled back in his seat, his arm muscles shifting as he reached up in vain to flatten his hair. “I’ll have the same.”

The waitress nodded and headed over to the bar, and Grantaire frowned at Enjolras. “Since when do you drink vodka?”

“Since when do you?” Enjolras returned, arching an eyebrow. “Last I saw, whiskey was your drink of choice.”

“Yeah, well, too many Jamo shots will ruin even the best whiskeys,” Grantaire said with a light laugh. “Besides, clear liquor has less calories, and I’m trying to watch my girlish figure.”

Enjolras laughed and the waitress returned with their drinks. Grantaire picked up his drink and made a mock toast. “Happy holidays,” he said, taking a large sip, as Enjolras just shook his head, his own sip much more reasonable.

“So now that you have alcohol in your system,” he said, setting his glass down on the table, “can we revisit what it was you were talking about earlier when you said that I shouldn’t pretend we were something we weren’t?”

Grantaire sighed. “Just when I was beginning to have a nice time,” he said mournfully.

“Grantaire.”

Even after all those years, it appeared Enjolras saying Grantaire’s name had a similar effect as it used to, as Grantaire sighed again, tracing a finger around the rim of his glass. “I just think you and I remember things a little differently,” he said carefully. “Maybe it’s just nostalgia coloring your memories, or maybe you’ve got early-onset Alzheimer’s.”

Enjolras frowned. “That’s not funny.”

“And the one thing I ever had going for me was making you laugh,” Grantaire said, a little too wry to be a joke. “But seriously...whatever you and I had, it wasn’t a relationship.” He tried to smile, but to Enjolras, it looked more like a grimace. “Not in the traditional sense of the word, anyway.”

Enjolras searched his expression for a long moment, trying and failing to understand what he meant. “What are you saying?” he asked finally.

Grantaire picked his drink up and drained it before glancing around for their waitress. “I’m saying that you were my boyfriend. But I wasn’t yours.” He spotted their waitress and gestured to her before meeting Enjolras’s eyes again. “I was, at best, your friend with benefits.” He made a face. “Probably more accurately, I was your booty call. Physical release. Whatever you want to call it.”

“That’s—”

Not true was what Enjolras desperately wanted to say, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to. Mostly because he had a sinking feeling that Grantaire was correct. Grantaire arched an eyebrow as he waited for Enjolras to say something, taking a sip of his drink when the waitress returned with a refill. “Fine,” Enjolras said finally. “Maybe it was mostly physical, but that wasn’t all it was.”

“Sure, it was also your rebellion against the heteronormative world,” Grantaire said, nodding.

Enjolras scowled. “That’s not what I meant.”

Grantaire sighed. “Enjolras—”

“I loved you.”

Grantaire’s expression was unreadable. “Maybe you did. I can’t exactly claim to know every thought that’s run through your head. But I can tell you that that’s not how you acted at the time.”

“Was I really that horrible to you?” Enjolras asked quietly.

Grantaire considered it for a moment. “I think to be really horrible, that would have required you to care more about me,” he said slowly. “Instead, you...tolerated me, I guess.”

Enjolras’s chest felt tight as he thought desperately back on their relationship, on some piece of evidence he could present that would prove Grantaire incorrect. Instead, his mind replayed a litany of memories he had long since buried, of all the times Enjolras had scoffed when Grantaire tried to do something romantic, or told him to be serious when Grantaire asked him to homecoming or prom, or blew off their date nights because he had work to do on a protest.

Or, worst of all, that early morning in Enjolras’s bed, when Grantaire told him that he loved him, and Enjolras had told him that he needed to leave before Enjolras’s parents woke up.

Enjolras swallowed, hard, and forced himself to look at Grantaire. “You must’ve hated me for how I treated you,” he said softly.

Grantaire’s smile was sad. “I’ve never once in my life hated you, Enj,” he said quietly. “If anything, I hated myself for not being someone you could love.”

“I’m sorry.”

Grantaire shook his head. “That’s my issue, not yours. You didn’t do that to me.” He managed a tight smile. “I knew who you were when we were together. I knew what you wanted out of life, and I knew I wasn’t going to be a part of that.” He took a swig of his drink before adding, “And let’s also not pretend like I was some kind of stellar boyfriend. I was a fucked up mess.”

Enjolras huffed a sigh. “Maybe we both were,” he mused.

“Is that what this is about?” Grantaire asked mildly.

Enjolras frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, is this whole trip down memory lane with me just you trying to figure out where it all went wrong for you?”

“I– Who says it all went wrong for me?” Enjolras blustered. Grantaire just arched an eyebrow and Enjolras sighed, frowning down at his own, mostly untouched drink. “I guess I did envision a very different life for myself,” he admitted. 

“And you’re not happy with where you are right now?” Grantaire asked, in a way that suggested he knew the answer and just wanted to hear Enjolras say it.

“How could I be?” Enjolras asked, aiming for levity as he added, “I wear a suit to work everyday, Grantaire. With a tie. My father told me he’s proud of me.”

Grantaire snorted. “The horror.” He propped his chin on his hand. “But speaking of your father, what happened to your college fund?”

“My college fund?”

“Yeah, you said that you’re working as a corporate attorney because you have to pay off your student loans, right?” Enjolras nodded and Grantaire continued, “If memory serves, your grandparents left you a fairly sizeable college fund that you were supposed to use to pay for school so that you didn’t have to take out student loans.”

“Ah,” Enjolras said, wincing. “They did.”

“And?” Grantaire prompted.

Enjolras sighed again. “And in a moment of well-intentioned idiocy, I donated every cent of it to charity.” He paused and took a sip of his drink. “Well, almost. I did pay for undergrad with it. But what was left went to charity. And then my father told me that he would be happy to pay for law school.”

Grantaire raised both eyebrows. “Really?”

Enjolras made a face. “Yeah, if I agreed to specialize in business law.”

“And?”

“And I told him to get fucked,” Enjolras said bluntly before making a face again. “Of course he’s clearly had the last laugh, so.”

Grantaire shook his head, his expression softening. “Don’t count yourself out yet. I mean, for Christ’s sake, you’re not even 30 years old yet. You’ve got time.” He paused before adding, “Besides, I still believe in you.”

Enjolras gave him a look. “Be serious.”

Grantaire half-smiled. “I am wild.”

A small smile twitched at the corners of Enjolras’s mouth and he shook his head slowly. “I keep thinking that you’ve changed so much, but then you go and say something like that and it’s like we’re 18 years old again.”

Grantaire laughed and took another sip of his drink. “I don’t know that I’d say I’ve changed,” he said.

“Then what would you say?”

“That I’ve had a lot of therapy, mostly,” Grantaire said, suddenly serious. “And grown up a little. And that while I may not have changed as much as you’re giving me credit for, I’m also not the fucked up mess I was in high school.”

Enjolras nodded, looking down at his drink again. “I wish I could say the same thing.”

“Well, it’s not too late to try.”

“I suppose not,” Enjolras allowed, managing a small smile, though it quickly faded. “And now I feel even worse.”

Grantaire frowned. “Why?”

“Because we’ve spent all this time talking about me and I haven’t asked you anything about you.” Grantaire made a face but Enjolras continued, “What are you doing these days? Hell, where are you living these days?”

“In a van, down by the river,” Grantaire said dryly.

“Hilarious.”

Grantaire smirked. “I like to think I am.” He shrugged. “I also prefer keeping a little mystery about me. Keeps ‘em coming for more, you know?”

Enjolras arched an eyebrow. “So you’re not going to answer even basic questions?”

Something darkened in Grantaire’s expression. “I mean, what is there to say? You want the square footage of my apartment? You want me to drone on about my terrible, awful, absolute godsend of a cat? You want me to talk about the latest exhibit I’m curating at the gallery I work at?”

“Actually, yeah.” Enjolras said, a little defensively, even if he didn’t quite understand the hard edge in Grantaire’s voice. “I’d like to hear about your life, if you’d let me.”

Grantaire shook his head and finished his second drink, already looking around for their waitress. “You really don’t have to do this.”

“Do what?” Enjolras asked impatiently.

“Pretend you’re interested.”

“What makes you think I’m not actually interested?” Grantaire scoffed and looked away, and Enjolras swallowed, hard, realization hitting as the theme of the evening returned in full force. “Because I never used to be.”

“Not particularly, no.”

“I’m—”

Grantaire looked flatly at him. “I swear to God, Enjolras, if you try to apologize one more time…”

Enjolras held his hands up defensively. “Fine, then I’m not sorry for being a completely self-absorbed asshole.”

It was a little too caustic to be a joke, which is probably why Grantaire just shook his head, something contemplative in his expression. “You were never self-absorbed. A little self-important, maybe, and with a white savior complex to rival the colonizers you so desperately hated—”

“Watch it.”

Grantaire smirked, though it quickly faded. “But your problem was never that you only cared about yourself. Your problem was that you cared so much about saving the world that you didn’t have a lot left for the people right in front of you.”

Enjolras nodded slowly. “Yeah, well, I don’t have that problem anymore,” he said tiredly.

Grantaire just raised an eyebrow. “That remains to be seen.”

“Harsh, but fair,” Enjolras said with a dry, humorless laugh. “Well, in the spirit of trying to show you that, tell me about yourself. And I will actually listen.”

Grantaire’s eyes narrowed. “Fine, I will tell you about myself – if you answer one question for me.”

“Anything.”

“Why now?”

The stark question took Enjolras by surprise, and he blinked at Grantaire. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why do you suddenly want to know about me?” Grantaire asked, a challenge in his tone. “My phone number hasn’t changed. Facebook exists. Hell, you could even find me on LinkedIn if you really wanted to. But you never made that attempt. So I want to know why you care now.” He gestured around the bar. “Because if it’s just proximity, you go back to your life tomorrow, and I go back to mine, and since the likelihood of us running into each other again is pretty slim, you don’t have to waste time pretending to care.”

“That’s not fair,” Enjolras said quietly.

Grantaire jerked a shrug. “Maybe not. But like I said, I grew up. And I don’t have time for anything but honesty.”

Enjolras’s brow furrowed. “Fine, you want honesty?” he snapped, more riled than he had any right to be. “The phone works both ways. If you had wanted to stay in touch, you could have just as easily.”

A ghost of a smile crossed Grantaire’s face. “Objection. Presumes facts not in evidence.”

“I beg your pardon?” Enjolras said coldly.

“C’mon, you’re a lawyer, if I can pick up what that means from watching reruns of Law & Order, surely I don’t have to explain it to you.” Enjolras just gave him a look, and Grantaire sighed. “Fine, I guess I do.” He picked up his drink and lifted it in a mock toast once again. “I never said that I wanted to stay in touch.”

Grantaire didn’t deliver the words harshly, but Enjolras still recoiled. “Now who’s the one who doesn’t care?”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them, but it was too late to take them back. Hurt flashed across Grantaire’s face before his expression evened out. “There are a lot of things you can accuse me of,” he said quietly, “but don’t ever accuse me of not caring about you. Not after everything.”

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said softly. “That was...out of line.”

“You think?”

Enjolras swallowed and looked away. “So why didn’t you want to stay in touch?” he asked, a little roughly.

Grantaire sighed. “Because I preferred not knowing,” he said simply. “If I didn’t know where you were at, what you were doing, then I could imagine you however I wanted to.” He managed a small, slightly sad smile. “And, at the beginning at least, I could imagine a way that we could still work things out.”

“Like what?” Enjolras asked, intrigued despite himself.

Grantaire glanced at him. “Do you actually want to know?”

“Yes.”

Enjolras wasn’t sure if Grantaire would believe him, but it didn’t seem to matter. Or maybe Grantaire had been looking for an opportunity, and this was as good as any. “I used to imagine showing up at your fancy law school,” Grantaire said slowly, with a genuine if wistful smile. “I used to imagine that I’d sneak into one of those fancy alumni dinners – I don’t know how – and I’d hide in the background, watching you, biding my time. Then when the opportunity came, when you made some claim about the working class or something, I’d casually speak up, contradict you or ask for your sources, just to watch the recognition on your face as you looked at me.”

“But you never did,” Enjolras said, his heart beating painfully in his chest, and Grantaire snorted and shook his head.

“Of course not,” he scoffed.

Enjolras frowned slightly. “Why not?”

Grantaire just shook his head. “Logistics aside, because I knew the reality would never have been as satisfying as what I imagined.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, in the version in my head, you’d smoothly counter my point, we’d bicker like old times and then you’d excuse us to discuss this further. And then…” He trailed off, his smile turning sad. “Well, then we’d wander around campus, bickering some more and it would be like you’d never left. Like we never ended.” His voice cracked and he looked away. “Perfect.”

Enjolras almost didn’t want to speak, to interrupt the moment, but he also couldn’t stop himself from asking, “And you didn’t want to try for that?”

Grantaire shook his head again. “Of course not. Because it was a dream. That version of me and that version of you don’t exist.”

“Do you think they ever could have?” Enjolras asked.

“I don’t know,” Grantaire said honestly. “But it doesn’t matter. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past decade, looking back only gets you so far.” He finished his drink and set it down with a clunk on the table. “Let that be the lesson of the evening, I guess. And speaking of…” He looked at his bare wrist as if pretending to look at a watch. “It’s probably time I got home. I’ve got an early train to catch in the morning.”

“Hang on,” Enjolras said, frowning. “You still didn’t tell me anything about you.”

Grantaire smirked. “Oh, you noticed that, did you?”

Enjolras gave him a look. “So stay,” he said, more of a request than an order. “Have one more drink. Tell me about your life.” Grantaire shook his head and Enjolras reached across the table, closing his hand around Grantaire’s wrist. “Please.”

“I can’t,” Grantaire said quietly. “But you’ve got my number, if you ever want to continue this conversation. Or, y’know, start a different one.”

“I wish…” Enjolras trailed off. “I don’t know. I wish I had more time. To make things up to you.” He met Grantaire’s eyes. “Or to at least try.”

Grantaire smiled crookedly at him. “Are you kidding me?” he asked, twisting his hand in Enjolras’s grip so that he could grasp his hand. “You’ve given me the only thing I’ve wanted for ten years.”

“What?”

“You asked me to stay.“

Enjolras’s throat felt tight. “Grantaire—”

Grantaire let go of Enjolras’s hand and stood, grabbing his coat and sweatshirt. “Take care of yourself, Enjolras,” he said softly. “You know how to reach me if you want to. Otherwise…”

He didn’t bother finishing his sentence, just rapping his knuckles lightly on the table before walking away. Enjolras watched him leave, wondering not for the first time if this is how Grantaire had felt watching him leave a decade ago.

Wondering if this was really the end for them.

And wondering, just a little, if this was what heartbreak felt like.

[starstaiined]

Surprise! (Pt. 1)

SUMMARY: Don’t have the brainpower for a pretty blurb, but basically some cute lil fluff centering around the Queen’s first Christmas together (after doing the show for a year) and some secret santa shenanigans! Did half of the exchange now, the other half will be posted in the next few days. 

TW: None, really? Tis a fluffy fic my mates. But there is a bit at the end where they discuss the kids they had in their past lives and how much they miss them, so lil sad piece. 

TAGGING: no one this time i don’t think

Katherine Howard loved Christmas. Even back when the holidays had been rough, living with a dad with a hairpin temper and two older brothers determined to wreck her day, she’d wait eagerly all year for the time of year where she could shower them with affection and they would semi tolerate it. And she was beyond excited to spend this Christmas with the other queens, who didn’t mind her more affectionate ways. 

And the present! If there was one thing she prided herself on, it was her expert gift giving abilities. She’d barely been able to sleep through Christmas Eve, and at six sharp she’d rolled out of bed and carefully padded down to the kitchen. She had decided, in her sleepless haze, that she would make the other Queens a beautiful breakfast to celebrate the holidays, that they could eat before the present exchange. 

Of course, there was one problem with that idea: Kitty had the culinary expertise of a seven year old. Nevertheless she prepared for breakfast. She set up six plates on the table, and immediately set to work making a wreck of the kitchen... 

The other five queens, however, woke to the smoke alarm going off. They stumbled towards the kitchen in alarm, only to find Kat fanning the toaster and looking a little worse for wear. Flour and bits of eggshells clung to her hair, but her smile was undeniably wide as she saw them. “I made breakfast!” Kat hummed happily, gesturing towards the plates on the table proudly. The plates which consisted of: two Eggo waffles that were stiff and brown on the edges but still had frost glittering at their centers, a single cold pop-tart, and a couple forkfuls of rubbery looking eggs — flecked with pieces of eggshells. 

“What-” Anne mumbled, still addled with sleep, before Jane cut her off.

“-a kind thing to do, Kitty! Isn’t it great, girls?” Jane glared at the rest of the queens, who were quick to murmur in agreement and plaster on fake smiles while still eyeing the food warily. 

Aragon ruffled Kat’s hair affectionately. “Why don’t you go sort the presents into piles while I get some hot chocolate going?” And some coffee, she was going to need coffee to get through this. “And thank you for breakfast, Kat, it looks wonderful!” She could worry about the moral implications of lying later, right now she was more than content to enjoy the bright smile on Kat’s face. 

None of the queens were willing to risk hurting Kat’s feelings, so they all (valiantly) choked down their mess of a breakfast. The only one who managed not to gag at all was Cathy, who could eat just about anything with a straight face. (It was the sleep deprivation, it numbed the sense.) Finally, finally, they finished and filed into the living room. 

Kat was on the couch, her gift for her secret santa in front of her while she all but vibrated in place. Jane smiled, settling on the space next to her. Aragon settled down by the tree, Cathy on her left and Anna on her right. Anne sat across from them, her back pressed flat against the wall. Overall, they were in more or less of a circle. Anne, noticing Kitty all but vibrating, nodded to her younger. “I think Kit Kat should start this whole thing off.” 

The rest of the queens seemed fine with that. Kat all but launched herself off the couch, pushing her giant, neatly wrapped box over to Anna. 

Anna carefully peeled off the wrapping paper, being sure to go extra slow as she watched Kat nearly implode. Finally, she stopped teasing the girl and ripped into the present. She tore off the remaining wrapping paper, then opened the box. Inside...was a stack of sweaters. Anna laughed. “This your way of making up for the sweaters you’ve stolen, Kitty?” 

Kat smiled brightly. “No, these are too replenish your stock so I can steal more.” She was only half joking. Nonethless, the others laughed. But Kat was quick to point to the box. “There’s more in there, you’ve got to pull the sweaters out. And be careful!” 

Anna raised a brow, interested piqued, and gingerly pulled out a sweater. There was obviously something hidden in the folds, so she carefully reached inside and pulled out a bottle. She stared in shock at the clear bottle — her favorite brand of vodka — before laughing. She can hear poor Jane sputtering in the background. 

“Katherine! When—How?” Jane stumbled over her words, eyebrows disappearing into her hairline in confusion and concern. 

“I have my ways.” Kat’s lips were pulled into a half smirk, freckled nose scrunching as her eyes glittered in a way eerily similar to Anne’s. (In that moment, the family resemblance was damn near startling.) The others often forgot that Kat could be just as much of a delinquent as her older cousin—those doe eyes hid a penance for mischief. “It’s better not to ask.” 

Jane buried her head in her hands, trying to process what just happened, as Anna continued to open her present. Luckily, or unluckily depending on who you ask, there wasn’t anymore alcohol. There was, however, enough energy drinks to power a small city. Underneath the sweaters and forbidden drinks was a simple best friends matching necklace, clearly home made. One half of a heart hung on a red necklace, the other on a pink one. Anne’s lips quirked into a smile. “So, I can give this necklace to anyone I choose?” 

“Uh huh. Your choice. Totally. One hundred percent.” Kat answered, attempting to appear disinterested. Even so, the smallest twinge of hurt passed over her features. But it disappeared as soon as Anna fixed the other half of the necklace around her neck.

“I was just teasing you, Kat.” Anna said, pulling the younger girl into a half hug. “I love it, all of it. Thank you.” 

Kat beamed, and settled back on the couch. Almost instinctively, Jane held out an arm and Kat curled up to her side. 

Anne watched the scene unfold fondly, glad to see her baby cousin enjoying herself. Her musings, however, were cut short as Anna yelled her name. Anne turned in time to see a small wrapped box flying directly towards her face. She let out a yelp, sticking her hands up to block her face. The box hit the top of her head before bouncing to the floor, and although it didn’t hurt in the least Anne looked up fuming. “What the fuck, Anna?” Her swearing was lost amidst the laughing of the other queens, surprised to see the princess of pranks dethroned. Anne grumbled something under her breath, before unwrapping the small box that had hit her. She opened it and...it was empty? She blinked a few times, confused, before she noticed the scrap of paper. Pulling it out, she read the words in Anna’s chicken scratch writing. Cleaning closet. 

She stood up, walking over to the closet that only Jane really used. Opening it, she found at least ten medium sized, neatly wrapped boxes lining the shelves. Well, that was one way to keep her from going through the presents. She loaded up her arms, and Cathy walked over to help carry the ones that didn’t fit, As she settled back in her seat, she gave Anna a quizzical look. 

Anna just grinned. “Thought I should give your presents a bit more of a personal touch. You know, let them reflect you.” Anne just stared, not getting it, to which Anna sighed. “You know, since you spent so much time in the closet?” 

Jane choked on her hot chocolate, Kat nearly howled with laughter, Cathy buried her head in her hands to hide her grin, and even Aragon couldn’t help the tears of laughter building in her eyes. Anne made a noise of protest, but it died to second it reached her lips—after all no one appreciated a good closet joke more than Anne. She give the queens a couple seconds to settle down, Kitty was still giggling maniacally, before she opened her present. 

Much to the horror of the other queens, they were chock full of pranking material. Itching powder. Realistic looking fake bugs. Fake blood. When Anne pulled out the stinkbombs, Aragon sighed and shot Jane a distressed look. By the time Anne had opened nine of the ten packages, each worst than the last, the queens waited with baited breath for the last package. But when she did, they breathed a sigh of relief. Anne’s eyes gleamed. “Jelly beans!!” Before Anna could say anything, Anne shoved a handful in her mouth...to spit them back out immediately. She looked utterly distraught as dark eyes focused on Anna for an explanation. 

Anna chuckled nervously. “Those....weren’t meant for you to eat, Annie. They’re called beanboozled, they put in a bunch of gross flavors. Thought it’d be good prank material-”

“You ruined jellybeans.” Anne pouted, pushing the last box far away from her. “Jellybeans Anna! That’s sacrilegious.” 

“Oh, stop being so dramatic you big baby. Just give your gift.” Aragon said with a roll of her eyes. Anne glared at her, but nonetheless picked up her gift. She walked over the couch, while Kitty all but vibrated in place. And she handed Jane three boxes, stacked on top of each other and tied off with ribbon. “Start with the biggest box. Kitty helped me with that one.” 

She took it carefully, smiling up at Anne before she unwrapped....a book? Jane’s brow furrowed as she opened it...and found a page carefully decorated with stickers, glitter, and Anne’s loopy script next to a set of adorable candids. She flipped through each page, in shock at the obvious care placed in each page’s appearance. 

And the pictures, they were pictures she’d never seen before. Aragon, caught mid-laugh with her eyes sparkling like the sun. Cathy, illuminated by her computer, sleeping on the kitchen table. Anna scowling down at her video game console. There was even one of her and Kitty. Her arm was thrown around Kat’s shoulders, her eyes shining with love, while Kat looked up at her with a lopsided grin. They were snapshots of real life: like someone had stopped time and caught their honest reactions when they didn’t even notice. Jane’s eyes had teared up while she flipped through, not that she’d noticed. “Where did you get these pictures?” She asked, voice rough with emotion. 

Anne was avidly trying to avoid eye contact. She had never been the mushy type, and she could tell that Jane was on the verge of getting sentimental. “I took them.” Anne answered after a minute. “I like taking pictures when you guys aren’t paying attention. Sometimes you guys look really stupid, and it’s good blackmail material.” She was lying through her teeth, attempting to keep her image. 

Jane saw right through her, but she didn’t say that. Instead she composed herself and nodded. Her fingers traced the cover of the book, before she handed it to Kitty to hold while she opened her next gift. The second box was filled with various kinds of knick-knacks and sweets: aka Anne’s favorite way of expressing her love. It brought a smile to Jane’s face. But it was the last gift that pushed her over the edge. Anne fidgeted uncomfortably as Jane began to unwrap that last gift, all eyes on both of them. 

Inside the last box was a rather plain locket, and a piece of paper. 

Jane’s brow furrowed, and Anne began to explain. Her cheeks burned bright red, her eyes suspiciously bright. “It’s uh — there’s this — ” Anne tripped over her words, looking uncharacteristically on edge. Kitty edged her way over, tilting her head and taking Anne’s hand. The contact seemed to soothe her, and with a shaky exhale she tried again. “There’s a company that sells stars. Like, the stars in the sky. You can buy one, and name it, and then they send you this locket with a picture of your star, and that certificate.” 

“You named a star after me?” Jane asked in confusion, not understanding why Anne seemed so on edge by that. Until...she looked down at the certificate. 

Edward. 

That one word sucked all the air from her lungs. It was lifetimes ago, but the pain had never ebbed. It was a five hundred year old wound that hurt just as much as a five second old wound. Shaking hands opened the locket, and on one side was a picture of a singular star. On the other, Anne had slipped in a portrait of him. Her heart twisted in her chest, and a tear hit the paper. She carefully put the gifts to the side, pulling Anne into a tight hug. 

To her surprise, Anne squeezed back just as hard. They stayed locked in that embrace for a long time, the rest of the room utterly still. When they finally broke from their embrace, both of them were sniffling. It was then that Jane noticed the same locket around Anne’s neck. And it was then that she remembered. Elizabeth. 

As much as Anne hid behind the laughter and the antics and the carefree attitude, she carried around the same pain. It was easy to forget sometimes. Jane squeezed Anne’s hand. Her mouth said, “Thank you.” Her eyes said I understand, and I’m here. 

Anne gave a watery grin back. “Don’t get all sappy on me, Seymour.” She scoffed, but her red rimmed eyes said I know. The two shared a moment of understanding, and then Anne settled on the couch next to Kitty. Her younger cousin curled up to her side and held her hand, and Anne felt some of the tension drain from her shoulders. “Okay Jane, why don’t you give your secret santa their gift? Get the ball rolling again?” Anne said with a forced chuckle. 

[xkdreamingx]

Mafia AU - Exo

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You get their Gang’s Tattoo

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A/N - So this is actually based off a reaction I read awhile ago, I think it was Seventeen or maybe NCT but basically the prompt was the moment they fell in love with you or something like that and one of the members had it happen when the s/o was getting the gangs tattoo so I wanted to make that a full reaction. So I just wanted to give credit where it is due, if I can find it or remember where it’s from I’ll link it {here} and if you know what I’m talking about please share it with me. (Also their tattoos you have to get is their power symbols just so you know what I was trying to explain for each of their gang’s tattoos)

Masterlist

You were sat down a day or two after the wedding, you honestly didn’t know what would come of it but you didn’t have a good feeling about it either way. They told you about a tradition that’s lasted a long time in their family, getting the family symbol tattooed on you. The tradition was that the spouse would tattoo it on their significant other as a form of unity into the family.

———————————————————

Xiumin -

“You got to be fucking kidding me.” You tell Xiumin once you were the only two left in the room with the tattoo gun. “I’m not. Plus it’s a major family tradition, you have to go through with it.” “Well I didn’t sign up for a fucking tattoo! Hell I didn’t sign up for this period! My dad was the one who signed the contract.” “Yes, But technically you did when you walked into that meeting and demanded to take your sisters spot.” You let out a sigh, rolling your eyes, knowing that he had a point there. You stay quiet for a second before saying, “Can I see yours?” Xiumin shrugs, rolling up his sleeve to reveal the geometric snowflake looking thing on his shoulder. You look over it for a few minutes before asking, “Do I have to get it there?” “No, not exactly you can put it almost wherever, at least in a respectable place.” Xiumin explains. You nod, before slowly walking over to the chair that was sat next to the tattoo machine. You let out a sigh as you sit down, “Let’s do this I guess.” You pick the spot where you want the tattoo and Xiumin lines it up, not wanting to mess it up. He starts tattooing and it stings a little where you decided to get it done. He pauses every once in a while so you can relax and take a breather when you need to. It felt like you were sat in that chair for hours when it really wasn’t that long to get the whole thing done. Once it was done you look at it, running your hand along the newly inked skin. It stings. It felt weird. But admittedly you didn’t mind it that much.

Suho -

You’ve heard of crazy traditions before, but this was a new kind of crazy. I mean at least it’s a tattoo and not like branding or anything. Your family actually has its own traditions when it came to family. Suho has gladly agreed to comply to your own traditions so why can’t you give him the same curtesy? You take some time to think it over and figure out where you would put it. After some time you find a spot for the water droplet looking symbol on your body. The tattooing was that painful for you, especially because of other pains compared to it, it seems like nothing. With the new found ink on your body you knew that there was no turning back. You were married to a man you didn’t know, you’re apart of his family, you’re a part of him. Scary.

Lay -

It had to be a fucking unicorn. Like how the hell is that intimidating? What the fuck is it suppose to represent? Oh we’re magical no one is really sure if we exist that’s how good they are at disappearing? Like seriously, why a unicorn head? I mean it’s so scary, like I’d wallow in fear of a fucking unicorn, am I right? All these thoughts in your head about it though stay that way, in your head. You don’t want to make fun of a mafia kids family symbol, are you crazy? Honestly you dug yourself a hole for this one so you had to deal with the consequences. You decide where you want the tattoo and Lay starts in on it; it stung in a few spots, burned in a few others, but it wasn’t the worst feeling in the world. You grinned and bearer the pain and when it was done you had a fucking unicorn head on you that made you part of a family you didn’t know if you wanted to be a part of.

Baekhyun -

“Okay this is beyond fucking crazy!” “Not really.” “My family has rings and jewelry for family traditions, not a fucking tattoo!” “So my family’s a bit more fun than yours, it’s going to be okay.” “Yeah but like what even is that symbol?” You ask pointing to the tattoo you have to get. “It’s suppose to represent light, it represents my family and how bright we are.” “Yeah, the family that gets tattoos.” “Look, Yes we do tattoos as our family tradition, you want to know why? Because family is forever. So make jokes and tease all you want, this tattoo, this symbol, means a lot to my family. It represents us. So stop making jokes and sit in the damn chair and get this tattoo fucking over with!” You nod, deciding to corporate after his long rant. You pick the spot for the tattoo and before you know it it’s on your body, forever. I guess family is forever.

Chen -

“Okay like I get I ran away originally but like, seriously? You want me strapped down to a chair while you try and tattoo me?” You say squirming against the handcuffs that are currently connecting you to the chair. “Actually kind of yes.” “Okay how about this, I’ll get that crazy fucking symbol without even so much as a tiny flinch if you take these handcuffs off me.” “Umm.., how about no.” “Okay you know what, fuck you! If you honestly don’t trust me, why the hell marry me? Is this how you want your wife, how you want the person you married, to be like for the rest of your life? Handcuffed to this thing or that? Never trust them? I’m in the dead center of your house, there are guards everywhere, I’m sure you could take my down, there’s no way I escape anyways. Trust me. Fucking trust me for once I Your life! I mean this is honestly the perfect time to trust me!” You shout at him, getting pissed of getting handcuffed to every fucking surface. “Fine.” “What?” You say shocked. “I said fine. I’ll take them off.” Chen says walking over to unlock them. Once he does you move to rub your wrist where they were digging into your skin. You stand up, taking the stencil and finding the spot you want, laying the design flat on your skin before moving to sit back down so he could get to tattooing it on you. Baby steps. That’s how this marriage will work.

Chanyeol -

You should have know. You’ve seen Yoora’s tattoo a million times. You honestly thought the little Phoenix symbol looked cute, on her. On yourself? You weren’t as sure. Honestly it scared you. You knew it was inevitable but part of you hoped this day would never come. You could of never believed you would be here, getting tattooed by your best friends brother, who also happens to be your husband, getting a Phoenix symbol tattooed on you. You were shocked. And scared. and kind of in pain. Tattoos hurt. Luckily Chanyeol noticed your ticks and stopped to let you have time to settle down and relax before he went back in with the needle again. Soon enough you had a beautiful Phoenix on you and you kind of enjoyed it. Honestly at this point you were confused on how you felt in general, not just about Chanyeol, about being a part of his family.

Kyungsoo -

You two sat in silence for a few minutes after everyone else cleared out from the room. You looked at the symbol, honestly you couldn’t really tell exactly what it was, it looked very much like a fanged beast. Kyungsoo watched you as you examined the tattoo, “if you have any questions, go ahead and ask them.” “Does it hurt?” “I mean kind of, depends on your pain tolerance.” “Can I pick where I get it?” “If you want to, do it anywhere I guess.” “How long does it have to heal for?” “I mean I’d say one to two months to be sure.” “Can I see yours?” Kyungsoo pauses for a minute before turning over his arm to show the tattoo on his forearm. You stare down at it for a few second before asking one more question, “can I touch it?” Your eyes glance up at Kyungsoo’s face for conformation and he nods his head slightly. With that you lightly reach out a hand to run it across the long healed over skin. It intrigued you that’s for sure. After a second or two you pulled back your hand, “Okay then, I think I’m ready to do this.” You get the tattoo placed where you want it and Kyungsoo starts in on the tattoo. It stung a little bit but you could handle the pain. Before you knew it the symbol you were once admiring on him was now permanently on you.

Kai -

You loved Kai. You genuinely did. But a tattoo is kind of... crazy, scary, insane, all of the above? Yeah. It literally looks like some Illuminati symbol and as much as you loved him, it was forever. It’s permanent. It’s... for the rest of your life. I mean you made the promise when you married Kai. this is just... a lot more obvious of a forever. But I mean, if you can handle the mafia thing how bad can a tattoo actually be. You get the tattoo set in place and Kai starts tattooing you, trying to be as careful as possible because he really didn’t want to hurt you. You smiled when you saw the tattoo complete, you decided to get it in the same spot Kai’s was and you were kind of glad you did. It looked better than you expected.

Sehun -

You saw it coming from a mile away, you knew it was coming, you just wished you had more time. You’ve admired the tattoo on Sehun many times before. Hell you were there when his father tattooed it on him. You knew as soon as you accepted the marriage proposal that you would have to get it and today was that unfortunate day. You wish you were more excited about it but it just felt weird. You felt like this was a claim on you for the rest of your life. Sure it didn’t actually mean that, it meant you were apart of them, an equal. Well, might as well get it over with. You get the tattoo placed where you want it and get comfy for when Sehun is tattooing you. You honestly thought it would take longer but Sehun keep you entertained and distracted when the pain got to you a little and before you knew it, the tattoo was done. It’s on you, forever. Great.

[chenziee]

Shingeki no Pocky Day

[read on AO3] || [read the whole series]

Ships: Eren/Levi, Armin/Annie, Sasha/Connie Rating: General Audiences Words: 1338 College AU, Teacher/Student relationship (past), POCKY!!,pretty much everyone is at least mentioned

Note: It’s really silly, and just me pouring out my passion over pocky. It’s from last year. I know I could technically weite a knew one but... yeah. ^^;; Also, I didn’t read it over because I was too scared to realize it’s actually really stupid, so there might be mistakes. Don’t hesitate to point them out to me :)

“Annie, what’s with the bag?” Eren questioned as soon as the girl sat next to him in their lecture hall, a giant, apparently full plastic bag in tow.

The blond looked at him with a blank expression before pulling something out of said bag. Eren could only stare at the small red box in Annie's hand as it was the last thing he expected her to bring out. She just shrugged, opening the box while stating in a bored voice, “It's Pocky day.”

Eren continued to eye her warily during the whole lecture as she slowly ate one stick after another. About halfway into class he decided he couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled out his phone and shot a quick text to Armin, ‘think ur gfs gon crazy’.

The response was immediate. ‘???’, was all it said.

‘Shes eatign pocky.Brougt a ehole bag of it&is esting it’.

‘Oh. Yeah, I know. I helped her stash up on it’.

Now it was Eren's turn to return only question marks.

‘Annie loves that stuff but usually holds back on it. Only once a year she goes all out and that happens to be today’.

Eren stared at his screen, then at Annie, who ignored him completely in favor of taking notes and chewing on yet another stick.

‘Some people are weird’, he thought.

As every Friday lately their group met up that day in their favorite bar to catch up as they were all majoring in different things and didn't see nearly as much of each other as they were used to during high school. This week the group was extra large as not only none of the now-university students had any exams to study for nor projects to work on, but also a bunch of Levi's friends decided to come.

The kids, safe for Eren, Mikasa and Armin, still felt weird hanging out with their old high school teachers but they were slowly getting used to it. Getting drunk together and listening to Hanji spill all the embarrassing stories sure helped as well.

Every time a new person arrived during the evening, they questioned the box constantly lying in front of Annie. Annie quickly got sick of answering the same question over and over and elected to ignore everyone, leaving her previously enlightened friends to explain, instead aggressively munching on the snack, switching between flavors as she eradicated one box after another.

Eren was honestly amazed she still had any left.

Or that she hadn’t gotten sick neither from it nor of it yet.

Of course, first thing Sasha did after her eyes fell on the treat, was to try and steal some. Too bad she was so obvious about it because the next thing she knew, she was kneeling on the floor in front of expressionless Annie with her hand forced into an awkward angle, pleading for mercy.

Luckily, Armin immediately intervened, soothing his girlfriend and saving Sasha from a broken wrist. The second the grip on her hand loosened, Sasha ran away with tears in her eyes, and for a good while kept hiding behind Connie who didn’t hesitate to laugh at her even as he massaged her hand to ease the strain that had been put on it.

However, this incident put a probably disastrous, definitely very dangerous and potentially genius idea into Hanji’s head.

The second Annie left to order another round of drinks for the table, she immediately had to share.

She leaned over the table and took a deep breath.

“Fuck no; shut up, Shitty Foureyes...” Levi groaned into Eren’s shoulder before she managed to get a single word in.

“I didn’t even say anything yet!” Hanji pouted as the rest of the table laughed.

“You were about to and I’m telling you that no, whatever shitty idea you came up with is shitty and no one is going to agree.”

Hanji narrowed her eyes at her best friend. “You’re just scared Annie would beat you.”

“Ooooh,” Petra drew out dramatically, breaking into a fit of giggles when Erwin groaned and Mike snorted in amusement.

Levi ignored them, too busy glaring at Hanji. “There’s no way the brat could even touch me.”

“Stop lying to yourself, Shorty.”

Jean scooted away from Mikasa looking horrified at what she just said, an action that only caused Eren and Armin, who were used to the two throwing teasing jabs at each other, to exchange an amused look. Levi didn’t even react.

“Then you better prove me wrong,” Hanji grinned, knowing she’s won.

A beat of silence passed, before Levi finally cracked, “Fine, let’s hear it.”

“Sorry to break it to you, guys,” Marco interrupted, “but Annie’s coming back.”

Suddenly the tense – or amused, depending on if you were Levi or not – atmosphere broke away and chatter restored.

Levi leaned back into Eren’s side but soon had to stick his elbow into his boyfriend’s ribs to make him stop chuckling. “Sorry, but Hanji’s got you so figured out; it’s funny.” Eren mumbled, not sounding very sorry.

Levi grumbled until Eren pressed a small kiss to his cheek in apology.

Hanji practically vibrated by the time Annie left the table again to go to the bathroom.

Finally, she leaned forward and shared in mock-whisper, “So I came up with a drinking game.”

“Oh great,” mumbled Erwin, already looking forward to having to take care of a bunch of drunk college students and high school teachers acting like college students. Petra patted him on the shoulder compassionately, yet not planning on holding back herself.

Hanji continued when she was sure she had everyone’s attention. “We try to steal Annie’s Pocky. Whoever chickens out, is caught, or glared at in prevention, has to drink.”

“So... Sasha already lost,” stated flatly Mikasa.

“Why?” cried the girl in question in protest. “We haven’t started yet, before doesn’t count!”

“But Annie’s glaring at you constantly to keep you away,” Jean pointed out, to which Sasha sulked visibly but couldn’t argue against.

Armin sighed. He expected something like this. “It’s at your own risk but go ahead. But I’m not participating. The worst that could happen to you is broken wrist; I dare to say the risk for me is far greater.”

“Ooooooooh,” echoed in response around the table.

Armin immediately flushed beet red, throwing the first thing his hand came into contact with, which happened to be Jean’s phone as the boy was sitting opposite of him, at Hanji, who was making obscene gestures at him.

“Hey!” Jean scrambled to collect his phone as everybody else started laughing hysterically.

“That’s not what I meant!” Armin tried to correct his mistake; however, he knew it was too late. The damage was done. He groaned, burying his face in his hands, planning to never come up again.

By the time the game was called off, there were several findings made.

Jean was hopeless. He lost even to Sasha as he was apparently physically unable to be sneaky. Annie caught him every time he tried, even that one time when Annie was making out with Armin after a round of pocky game and everyone else managed to steal a stick or two. He nearly lost his hands twice and was completely drunk before anyone else got even close. However, funnily enough, Ymir, as much as she boasted, was in a much similar situation and honestly, the group couldn’t fairly decide who was worse. The only thing that helped Ymir’s case was that she had better alcohol tolerance than Jean.

On the other hand, Mike apparently had some secret talent for stealing as Annie never caught him. Everyone was impressed. Or had been at least until they counted the score to see who won and Krista came up with literal dozens of the sticks that no one noticed her ever taking. To say they were impressed, a little scared and felt very much betrayed would be an understatement.

Krista was officially announced the Queen of Pick-pockets and they never looked at her the same way again.

[subliminalsarcasm]

1-100 yo

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Pandora usually, I kinda like Spotify, I use Soundcloud for independent artists.

is your room messy or clean?Clean, however it may get a bit messy if I’m incredibly focused on something, though I do cleanup pretty quick.

what color are your eyes?Mostly green, sometimes changes to a bluish-gray, they’re pretty neat up close c:

do you like your name? why?I do, I also like my middle name(Michael), however it took some time to become comfortable with my last name due to it’s length.

what is your relationship status? Single~

describe your personality in 3 words or lessAnxious, Loyal, Reliable

what color hair do you have?Ash Brown, though with sunlight it becomes more blonde.

what kind of car do you drive? color?I actually don’t have a car right now, though when I was in Florida I drove a Jetta Sportwagen mostly.

where do you shop?Wherever is convenient depending on what I’d like to buy.

how would you describe your style?Casual, sometimes more formal, however Comfort is the key factor.

favorite social media accountFacebook is pretty eh, but it does help me keep in contact with family and old friends, though I like tumblr more, mostly due to the entertainment factor.

what size bed do you have?Queen, I normally have a pillowtop queen though.

any siblings?Two younger half-sisters, an older half-brother, and half-sister.

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Somewhere on the colder side of temperate, Snows in the winter, is never too humid, but rains a decent amount, summers not too hot would be nice too.

favorite snapchat filter? I don’t really use snapchat.

favorite makeup brand(s)I don’t use makeup o:

how many times a week do you shower?Typically 7, however this depends on what I’m doing.

favorite tv show?I love Futurama, It’s Always Sunny, Archer, etc.However I do have a place in my heart for more serious shows such as GOT, Westworld, and Frontier.

shoe size? 13 US mens.

how tall are you?6′4″

sandals or sneakers? Sneakers if I’m going to be walking a lot(Usually converse)Sandals(flip-flops) if not.

do you go to the gym? I used to in highschool, however nowadays I mostly do cardio.

describe your dream dateI’ve answered this in my last ask ;P

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?$20, but I almost always use my debit card for things.

what color socks are you wearing?None~

how many pillows do you sleep with?One, sometimes two.

do you have a job? what do you do? I’m not employed currently, though I’ve worked at a veterinary hospital before.

how many friends do you have? Quite a decent amount, besides my guild, I have probably 4-5 I talk to normally.

whats the worst thing you have ever done? I can’t share that, however I’ve never been in legal trouble.

whats your favorite candle scent? Bakery scents, usually stuff like Vanilla, Pumpkin, I love a lot more though.

3 favorite boy namesI don’t really have favorites here, but I do like more eloquent sounding ones.

3 favorite girl namesSame as above.

favorite actor? Robin Williams

favorite actress? I don’t have one.

who is your celebrity crush?Same as above ;P

favorite movie? This is a tough decision best left to professionals.

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I have certain periods in my life where I’ll gratuitously read, however lately I’ve mostly been reading Manga.

money or brains?Brains, easily.

do you have a nickname? what is it? I was called Sandrew as a kid because I loved being at the beach, but in my guild I’m called “Valk” mostly due to my character “Valkirra”

how many times have you been to the hospital?3-5 for myself, plenty otherwise.

top 10 favorite songsAgain, best left to professionals, too hard to decide.

do you take any medications daily? I used to when I was younger for ADHD, however I’ve since mostly outgrown it.

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Oily, so humidity is terrible for me, dry environments are amazing, luckily oily skin ages slower.

what is your biggest fear? Rejection or Abandonment in love, so typically one of these is true at a time.

how many kids do you want? I don’t really have a preference besides less than 3, however this is more up to my future wife as I won’t be giving birth.

whats your go to hair style?Short hair I usually go for a more parted to one side/out of my face look, Long hair I go for a more combed back look, but I don’t have a preference there.

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) 1930′s Beach house, so fairly small.

who is your role model? I can’t really say I have one sadly.

what was the last compliment you received?I’m not sure, I don’t receive those often nowadays, maybe that I’m loyal?

what was the last text you sent?Letting my mom know I’m alright.

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?I’ve known since I was probably 3-4, I can’t really remember believing in him.

what is your dream car? I don’t have one, though advancements in technology really interest me, however for body design? I like how muscle cars look.

opinion on smoking?I don’t mind others smoking, however I personally don’t have interest in it.

do you go to college? I’m currently not enrolled, however I do plan to re-enroll soon.

what is your dream job? Anything that would assist in moving our civilization forward to a better state of being where people are more healthy and happy and possibly on other planets, I like the idea of the “space stage” of life.

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Rural areas are nice if they’re forested or near a beach, Suburbs can get boring, but they’re totally tolerable.

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? It’s not really worth it, but I’m not against it.

do you have freckles? Kinda ;P

do you smile for pictures?If I’m aware I’m being photographed.

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 400+ probably.

have you ever peed in the woods? Yeah, camping.

do you still watch cartoons? Definitely, very specific about them though.

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?Mcdonalds, though I’m not really into nuggets as I used to be.

Favorite dipping sauce? bleh, ketchup is ok.

what do you wear to bed? Boxers usually, sometimes a shirt, preferably nothing.

have you ever won a spelling bee?I got kind of far into one in the 5th grade.

what are your hobbies?Gaming, Cooking, Swimming when I can.

can you draw? Very poorly.

do you play an instrument?I can play the drums, but I haven’t in a long time.

what was the last concert you saw? Foster the People.

tea or coffee?I prefer coffee but I’m trying to get into Tea.

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Starbucks even though it’s not that great.

do you want to get married?Yeah, I’d definitely like to, but at the same time I would prefer a relationship be based on trust more than a legal binding.

what is your crush’s first and last initial?I can’t be that obvious about this, it’s also in fairly early stages of being unsure if I should invest my feelings, Last initial is totally N

are you going to change your last name when you get married? Maybe, I’m definitely not against changing it, but it’s up to my future wife as I could probably go either way.

what color looks best on you? Black and Green I think.

do you miss anyone right now? Not particularly, it wasn’t a long time ago that I did, but I’m over things.

do you sleep with your door open or closed?Closed, but I don’t care either way really.

do you believe in ghosts?I have mixed thoughts about this, there aren’t any guarantees in this world, so they very well might exist, however I don’t have proof for that.

what is your biggest pet peeve? Insincerity/Inconsideracy and Ignorance of a real issue.

last person you called`My dad.

favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate, but only really good chocolate, I do like pistachio as well.

regular oreos or golden oreos? Regular.

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? I don’t care much for sprinkles, but heck why not go with rainbow.

what shirt are you wearing? Long sleeve DC shirt.

what is your phone background?Just like bart.jpg

are you outgoing or shy?Shy most of the time with moments of being outgoing.

do you like it when people play with your hair?I don’t mind it, but it’s mostly just a sign of affection for me.

do you like your neighbors? eh, most of the ones I used to know have moved away, so I don’t really know them.

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?At night, in humid environments, morning and night.

have you ever been high? Yeah, it’s alright.

have you ever been drunk? Yep, it’s also alright.

last thing you ate? Voila Garlic Chicken.

favorite lyrics right nowI can’t think of any right now that mean a lot to me.

summer or winter? Winter

day or night? Night, it’s more peaceful, though I do prefer being awake during the day.

dark, milk, or white chocolate? Dark.

favorite month? October, I love the atmosphere of everything.

what is your zodiac signCancer

who was the last person you cried in front of? I rarely cry in front of others so I can’t remember.

[kekepuaa]

Ladyblogging, part one

summary: in which marinette realizes that the internet is a lot smarter than she thought and that the only way to protect her identity is to join the ranks. identity reveal. adrienette. notes: this is gonna suck to format. irrelevant bit of info here: in this fic, the ladyblog uses wordpress. --

part one: damoiseau in distress [AO3]

--

The Ladyblog Alya C., Paris, France.

Join Date:  2015-09-01

Keeping the world up to date on the latest and greatest news regarding Ladybug and Chat Noir.

--

F.A.Q.

1.) How do I report Ladybug & Chat Noir sightings? Click this LINK HERE or tweet me @theladyblogger.

2.) How do I subscribe to your livestream? Subscribe to The Ladyblog and download our app! Once you do, push notifications should be activated.

3.) Are you a LadyNoir shipper? I’m an AlyaBug shipper. Yes.

3.) Do you know Ladybug or Chat Noir’s secret identities? No...not yet :)

--

Alya C. @theladyblogger 3,421 Followers//1,094 Following

Alya C. @theladyblogger One of the students at my school says she’s friends with #Ladybug! Deets to come! (And possibly an interview!)

Adrien Agreste and 87 others liked your Tweet LadyNoirShipperxo and 46 others Retweeted your Tweet

N I N O @djxbubbler in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger D U D E. Like, real talk?

@theladyblogger in reply to N I N O @djxbubbler Take a gander at my blog, my dude :-)

--

The Ladyblog Posted: 2016-04-16 

Subject: Could Collège Françoise Dupont’s Newest Arrival’s Be Close Friends With Our Own Ladybug?

[VIDEO]

Lila Rossi, Collège Françoise Dupont’s newest addition, is making quite an impression on her new classmates. A transfer student from Italy, Rossi arrived to our humble educational facility with a rather interesting piece of news: She’s friends with Ladybug. Amazing, right?  

She was kind enough to share a few words with the Ladyblog, mentioning that our beloved masked heroine has saved her on multiple and has even spoken to her on numerous occasions outside mask. Check out the video and drop a line telling us what you think!

I wonder if she knows Chat Noir too...maybe I’ll ask her later. 

But for now, this is Alya, signing off!

--

Comments:

No comments have been posted.

--

Marinette Dupain-Cheng would like to think of herself as a very patient girl. Probably a little too patient, given the fact that she had allowed Chloe Bourgeois to flounce around the classroom, running her big mouth and making her fellow classmates feel terrible enough for freaking Hawk Moth to exploit their vulnerabilities. However, for all of Marinette’s self-discipline, there were a grand total of three things that the young girl absolutely could not tolerate in any way, shape, or form.

--

Marinette’s Journal Entry Date: 2016-04-16

FILE UNDER: THINGS I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT TOLERATE

I shouldn’t really be venting in my journal since Chloe and Sabrina tried to steal it last September, but whatever, I’m going to do it. (Hopefully it won’t stress Tikki out. Should I keep a separate journal for those events? Maybe...or should I just use codenames? Decisions, decisions...)

Anyway, in this world, there are some things that I can’t deal with. As in, I’m not going to exert energy trying to be compassionate or Hufflepuff-ish about.

1.) Girls who attempt to canoodle with the Love of My Life.

2.) L I A R S. 

3.) Thieves 

Unfortunately, the Liar is all of the above (btw: decided on codenames.) Not too sure what to do about it since it’s kind of dangerous for her to be offering false information liberally...and I can’t really ask Lady Wifi for help...otherwise, she’ll suspect me.

Hm. Updates to come.

--

“Marinette, you coming?” 

Marinette snapped her journal shut and stuffed it into her backpack. If she wanted to expose Lila, she had to come up with an excuse and fast. As luck would have it, she had remembered that her mother requested she come to the house around lunch time, as her Uncle Cheng was stopping by for a brief visit and would be gone by the time school dismissed her.

She offered Alya an apologetic smile, “Sorry, Alya. Maman wants me to stop by the house to say hi to my uncle before he goes home.”

“No worries,” Alya shrugged, “I have some major analytics to be checking out with that last interview with Lila.” Marinette almost rolled her eyes at the dreamy sigh that escaped Alya’s lips. 

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a little crush on the girl,” Marinette commented, a dark brow raised at her best friend. 

Alya scoffed, tucking her cell into her pocket, “Oh God, don’t let Nino hear you say that. We’re supposed to go out to the zoo this weekend to see the panther,” she said, “And besides, he seems pretty taken with Lila too since she apparently knows Steven Spielberg and all these other Hollywood hotshots.” 

God, Marinette shook her head. 

Was it just her or was everyone in this school so incredibly gullible? A little voice in the back of Marinette’s head--a voice that almost suspiciously sounded like Tikki--reminded her that she would probably have believed Lila’s lies had she not been a liar, a thief, and a danger to the Love of Marinette’s Life, Adrien.

Speaking of which.

“Right,” Marinette said, shoving her arms through the loops of her backpack, “Well, I gotta book. Have fun measuring your Twitter analytics, or whatever...”

Alya laughed, “Will do. Oh, grab me pain au chocolat on your way back?”

“Alrighty, I’ll be back in an hour!” 

--

Alya C. @theladyblogger  A new hero is on the scene and her name is #VOLPINA! Thoughts?

Simply the Best and 21 others liked your Tweet Nadia Chamack and 11 others Retweeted your Tweet

Chloe Bourgeois in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger Ladybug’s still better than she is.

Bitter Harpy in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger do we really need three heroes? 

Ladybug Trash in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger She’s awesome!! I hope her and LB get to work together more often.

Alya C. @theladyblogger Okay, scratch that, #AKUMAALERT.  [LINK FOR VIDEO STREAM]

Ladybugging TF OUT and 97 others liked your Tweet Nadia Chamack and 104 others Retweeted your Tweet

Chloe Bourgeois in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger Told ya so.

Chronogirl mentioned you in a Tweet @queenbee @theladyblogger shaddup chloe

Alya C. @theladyblogger #BREAKING #AKUMA ALERT: #VOLPINA has taken a hostage

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. #BREAKING #AKUMA ALERT: Adrien Agreste, son of fashion designer @GABRIEL, reported as #Volpina’s hostage

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. #BREAKING #AKUMA ALERT: #Volpina has Agreste hanging from the Eiffel Tower

Alya C. @theladyblogger #AKUMA ALERT: HERE’S THE LIVESTREAM LINK

Petit Papillon and 246 others liked your Tweet You’ve Got to be Kitten Me and 355 others Retweeted your Tweet

N I N O in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger WHERE ARE YOU IS ADRIEN OKAY? 

N I N O in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger ALYA WHY AREN’T YOU PICKING UP YOUR PHONE?

N I N O in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger ALYAAAAAAA

N I N O in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger ALYA. 

N I N O in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger THAT’S IT. I’M COMING OVER.

N I N O in reply to Alya C. @theladyblogger AKUMAS SERIOUSLY SUCK. HANG ON, ADRIEN.

--

Chloe Bourgeois @queenbee 687 Followers//996 Following

Chloe Bourgeois @queenbee @adrienagreste ADRIKINS, ARE YOU OKAY??? DON’T BE SCARED, #LADYBUG WILL COME FOR YOU. 

Chloe Bourgeois @queenbee #Volpina’s the worst(tm)

mad max and 12 others liked your Tweet Sabrina Retweeted your Tweet

Sabrina in reply to Chloe Bourgeois  @queenbee Chloe? Should we go to the Eiffel Tower to wait for Adrien?

Chloe Bourgeois in reply to Sabrina @pastelprincess you do it! i forgot i had a hair appointment. tell adrikins to call me when ladybug saves him. 

--

Alya C. @theladyblogger #BREAKING #AKUMA ALERT: #Volpina has been purified and Adrien Agreste has been rescued by #Ladybug and #ChatNoir

--

The Ladyblog Posted: 2016-04-16

Subject: Saving a Damoiseau in Distress and Outfoxing Foxes

[VIDEO]

Couldn’t snag an interview with the Lady or Alley cat, but here’s some excellent footage from today’s maelstrom. Today’s victim: LB’s “friend” in question, Lila Rossi, who was akumatized into Volpina, a formidable opponent whose abilities are dependent on illusion and deception.

Where does teen model Adrien Agreste fall into all of this? Nobody knows! Yet. 

Luckily, your girl Alya has all the hookups in terms of info. (AKA, I’ll just ask Adrien when I see him in class LOL.) 

As usual, leave all your love (or your conspiracy theories) in the comments below.

This is Alya, signing off!

--

Comments:

Response to Saving a Damoiseau in Distress and Outfoxing Foxes Posted: 2016-04-16 Subject: Love...triangle...?????

CatBug: OK OK JUST LISTEN FOR A SECOND...what if...WHAT IF!!!! There was a love triangle between LB, Volpina, and Adrien Agreste????? Judging by the video footage you took, I’d say that LB is digging some Adrien and so was Volpina, which is why she took him.

Remember Jackady? Look at the footage of LB and Adrien. They seem a little cozy, if you ask me :-) (That or I could be totally delusional.) 

ALSO Volpina used him as leverage against LB so she’d give up her Miraculous WHICH SHE ALMOST DID!!! aksljf;asldfjkas;lj.  

Response to Love...triangle...????? Posted: 2016-04-16 Subject: Bruh...

geek-baits: I’m down with that LOL. Poor Chat...

--

Response to Love...triangle...????? Posted: 2016-04-16 Subject: (no subject)

chatblanc: You’re looking into it too much. Why would Ladybug concern herself with an ordinary citizen? The only way that’d make sense is if she knew him irl..............

...wait a minute.

--

Response to (no subject) Posted: 2016-04-16 Subject: Duly noted The Ladyblog: WAIT A MINUTE! I think we got ourselves a lead here :D 

--

Marinette froze upon reading Alya’s most recent reply to the damning conspirator at the bottom of the page. There was no way she’d believe a stranger on the internet, right?

Okay, yeah, no. This was Alya. She was going to search every lead she could get her hands on. And there was no way that Marinette’d be able to act normally around Adrien, regardless if she was in or out of costume. Luckily, her handsome classmate had always seemed to disappear at the sight of an akuma, but still.

The video now being circulated on the internet was enough to set her best friend on her trail. Marinette could see it now: a full-page spread dedicated to Ladybug’s unmasking, which would inevitably endanger herself, her family, and her friends, but she couldn’t exactly discourage Alya from snooping without coming under investigation herself.

Marinette threw herself back in her chair with a sigh, whirling away from her computer to face her wall, covered in photographs of Adrien. 

Could she act like her heart wasn’t running a marathon when he was close to her while she was Ladybug? No, she could hardly think straight around him when they were in class together.

Could she tell Alya to back off? No, because that would definitely encourage her friend to dig deeper. 

Marinette groaned.

“Why don’t you try to talk to her?” Tikki helpfully suggested. Marinette shook her head, her dark pigtails flying. 

“That’ll make it worse, I’m sure,” Marinette replied, “The only way Alya’d ignore this tip--” this very accurate tip that would absolutely ruin her, “--would be for someone to disprove it, with evidence. And the only way for me to do it without raising suspicion would be...”

Marinette stopped as a lightbulb went off in her head.

Of course, Marinette thought to herself, the idea washing over her like fresh air, why hadn’t I thought of this before? 

Marinette swiveled back to her computer, fingers flying furiously on the keyboard. 

“What are you doing, Marinette?” Tikki asked.

“Ladybug’s gonna be doing some damage control. Tikki! Spots on!”

--

Ladybug Unknown, Paris, France. 

Join date: 2016-04-16

Ladybug’s Official blog. 

--

Ladybug Posted: 2016-04-16

Subject: Obligatory ‘hey-how’s-it-going’ Post

[PHOTO]

Hey, it’s Ladybug. Blogging seemed to look like fun, so I figured I’d hang around you all for a bit. 

xo,

Ladybug

Comments:

No comments have been posted.

[idekwidcfo]

Chapter Two, or three, depending on if I decide to separate the last two posts (which were supposed to be chapter one but two different sections but then why did I upload them separately instead of as one chapter? I don’t know!) 

Prom came and went, and it was whatever. I didn’t go, obviously, but I did check MySpace for my friends-- Mar in particular-- posting their Prom Pics. She looked so great that I felt a twinge of regret for not going. I wouldn’t have had a date, but I would have been able to gawk at Mar in person instead of just in photos. It might have been worth it. 

Luckily, our first date at Steak n Shake then Electric Avenue, the local show venue, was only a week after prom. It was hard to regret not going to some stupid, stuffy school dance when something much more exciting was coming up so soon. 

I bought myself a new outfit in anticipation of my first show and my first date with Mar. I hoped it would be a momentuous and memorable occasion for both reasons. Despite the store’s somewhat embarassing reputation, I went to Hot Topic. It’s the only place I know of, to this day, where I can reliably get a sturdy pair of black skinny jeans for under $50 that actually fit me. Also, hell, sometimes going out and buying something punk was easier than hunting through thrift stores all damn day, even if it was technically less punk to do so. I found a pair of the pants I liked on sale-- lucky me-- and also bought a new t-shirt with a logo for one of the bands Mar and I had ended up agreeing was pretty good. I even got some hair gel, from Target not from Hot Topic. While I was getting ready, I played around with trying on some eye-liner, but it made me feel uncomfortable and dysphoric, so I took it off. 

I had Googled her address to see how long it took to drive there even though I already had the directions figured out. Google said it would take 17 minutes, so I left 22 minutes ahead of time. I figured it would be better to wait in the car outside her house than make her wait around for me. At 6:54 I was sitting outside of the address she had given me, parked on the street and wondering whether I should get out and go knock on the door or just shoot her a text. I decided on the text message. Visions of her parents answering the door and wanting to interview me filled my head and scared the shit out of me. 

I was overthinking the text and kept editing the damn thing, so I was still composing it when I heard a knock on my window. It startled me badly enough that I jumped a bit. I looked up to see Mar looking like some punk princess laughing at me for being jumpy. 

She looked incredible, rocking the fishnet stockings again with a black-and-red plaid skirt that came down to just above her knees. The bottom of a pair of tight black shorts peaked out from under the skirt, proving she was moshpit-ready. She was wearing a shirt for some band I hadn’t heard of before, which probably meant it was a local band. She had mentioned during one of our long AIM conversations that she liked wearing local band tees to local band shows, even if the same band wasn’t playing. Her make-up fit the outfit-- the smear of black around her eyes and purple on her lips somehow came across as ready for the moshpit just as much as her black under-shorts did. 

I stopped gawking at her and unlocked my car doors, being really obvious about it so she would know I was inviting her to get in. “Sorry about that,” I said. “I was working on a text to send you and kind of overthinking it.” 

“No worries, I was just peeking out my window and noticed there was a car outside that matched the description of your car. Figured I’d go ahead and come out. I’m glad you were a little early, I couldn’t have handled it if you had made me wait anxiously for another ten minutes,” she said, smiling at me. Another, I noted, swooning a little as I realized that she had just confessed to waiting anxiously. 

As she got in, she revealed a pair of chunky-soled purple boots that definitely completed her outfit, and made it easy for her to stomp the empty Monster cans littering the floor of my car out of her way. I repressed a frown at myself for not cleaning my car out first-- of all the preparation I had done, that had simply not occurred to me. She didn’t seem to mind it, so I didn’t dwell on it. Instead I put the car back into drive and took off for the closest Steak n Shake, about a 15 or 20 minute drive from her house (exactly 14 minutes according to Google Maps, but I liked to over-estimate, to be safe). I let her choose the music. She informed me that she was playing music by one of the bands we were going to see tonight. I didn’t instantly fall in love or anything, but it was pretty okay. They had a strong drum and bass section that kept a steady, fast beat which seemed like it would be fun to dance to. 

We arrived at Steak n’ Shake and I considered running around and getting Mar’s door, but she hopped out before I could make a decision about it. It was probably for the better-- when I got the door to the restaurant for her, she scoffed at me and made a sarcastic remark about her weak womanly arms. It was pretty obvious that she was just teasing, but I made a mental note to throw the chivarly act out the window. 

It was much harder to talk to her in person than it had been to talk over AIM. My brain was an unhelpful blank. My internal monologue sounded something like this: Wow, I should really say something to Mar instead of just sitting here in awkward silence. Yep. Would be really nice to think of something to say. I don’t understand why I’m not thinking of anything. I’m going to think of something now! Okay, that didn’t work. Maybe I should just tell her I can’t think of anything to talk about? That would be talking. “My brain is doing a very unhelpful thing where I want to think of something to talk about, but all my thoughts are just about how I should think of something to talk about,” I said aloud. 

Mar laughed. “I’ve experienced that before. It’s the worst. Especially when you’re with people you think are really cool and want to make friends with.” 

I smiled at her, glad she was able to relate and didn’t think I was weird. “I ususally have like a thousand random thoughts going through my brain at any given time, so it’s really weird and frustrating that I can’t think of anything to talk about, besides getting meta.” 

“We could do one of those silly little conversation-lubricating games, like 20 questions,” Mar said. 

So we did that for a bit, and it was fun. Our food came, and before I knew it the dinner portion of the date was over. As we went back to my car to get to the “and a show” part of the date, she suggested another round of 20 questions. 

“Ah, okay, uh, can you eat it?” I asked, turning my car on and beginning the drive over the Electric Avenue. 

“It would be a waste, but technically,” she said. 

“Is it alive?” I asked. 

“Not any more, but it once was,” she replied. 

I was already a bit baffled. “What color is it?” I asked. 

“Isn’t 20 questions supposed to be yes or no questions only?” 

“Well, you’re not giving me yes or no answers so it threw me off,” I said. 

She smirked at me and I swear I almost crashed the damn car because I couldn’t look away. Fortunately, I did not crash, and after a moment I was able to focus on driving again. She finally answered. “Okay, okay. The thing I’m thinking of is green and white.” 

That did not help at all. The only thing I could think of was cheerleading outfits for one of the Catholic schools in our area, which didn’t fit with the other answers. “Is it a plant?” I asked. Plants could be white and green and definitely could ‘technically’ be eaten, although I couldn’t quite figure out what plant would be ‘sort of a waste’ if someone did eat it. 

“Yes!” she said, sounding very excited. 

“Is it uh… an herb?” I supposed eating straight oregano or basil would be ‘sort of’ a waste. 

She grinned and I knew I was onto something. Then she gave it away completely. “It is herb!” 

It still took a second for that to click, but she whipped out a little marijuana cigarette and that round of 20 questions was over. I was honestly a bit freaked out. I had never known anyone who did any drugs. Despite my punkish inclinations, our group at school was really just bunch of nerds. 

She seemed to notice my hesitation. “Do you not smoke?” she asked, looking more unsure of herself than I had yet to see her. 

“Just cigarettes,” I said. “I’m not, like, opposed to marijuana, though. I’ve just never done it, or been around anyone who has done it.” 

She laughed. “You’re really calling it ‘marijuana’?” 

I blushed. “Umm, yeah. I guess that does sound pretty nerdy, huh?” 

“It does,” she said. There was a moment of silence, then she asked, “do you want to try it?” 

“Maybe?” I said, truthfully. I had a lot of curiosity about it, but it seemed like a big thing to just jump into on a whim. 

“What’s holding you back?” she asked. 

“Well, mostly, I’m going to have to drive home, and I don’t know how it’s going to affect me yet,” I said, since it was the best argument the part of me that was afraid had. 

“Oh,” she said. “That is a really good point, actually. I wouldn’t want you to have to drive after your first time getting high.” 

“Oh okay,” I said. “A part of me does want to try it but a bigger part of me wants to make sure we both get home safe at the end of the night.” 

Mar gave me a dazzling grin. I definitely wasn’t getting a tolerance to the smiles she gave me, but at least this time I stayed focused on driving and didn’t worry about crashing due to Mar-smile-related hypnosis. “How sweet of you. Well, do you mind if I smoke it? Then you can see how it makes me act and get an idea of its affects.” 

“No, I don’t mind, that’s fine,” I said. She lit up and I recognized the smell. “Oh dammit.” 

“What?” she asked. 

“I recognize that smell. My dad totally smokes pot,” I said. 

We laughed, her a little harder than me and I assumed it was because of the pot or weed or whatever the not-lame term for it was. However, I noticed that she wasn’t acting terribly different, which was comforting to the part of me that really did want to try it myself. 

We got to the venue and I found street parking not too far away. Once we stepped out of my car, she lit a cigarette. I felt like a barely knew her. Despite all the chatting we’d been doing the past week, she hadn’t mentioned smoking anything, let alone both weed and cigarettes. However, I lit one too. Smoking is bad and unhealthy and smelly and so not cool and all that, but at some point when I was 15 my curiosity had gotten the better of me and here I was, now a smoker. I ran with that thought train. “How long have you been smoking?” I asked her. 

She grimaced. “I started when I was 13, unfortunately. Both cigarettes and weed.” 

“15 here,” I told her. “My dad smokes and I nicked one. I was curious. I didn’t even smoke it for months, just looked at it.” 

She smirked at me. “That’s kind of cute. I hung around with some of my cousins who were a bit older and they all smoked, so I kind of just picked it up.” 

We finished our cigarettes outside the doors of the venue, and I was pleased to see Mar put her butt in a trash can instead of littering. I paid the door fee, which was only $10 for both of us, and we went inside. I had been worried about being a bit late, since my phone said it was 8:05, but the band was still setting up their instruments. There was already a little crowd in front of the stage, and I followed Mar as she joined the five or six other people standing there waiting. 

Suddenly a blur of black and blue appeared from nowhere, and it took me a second to realize it was a person. They had launched themself at Mar for a giant, very enthusiastic hug. I bit down some jealousy that I knew was irrational. If it was someone she already knew, which seemed pretty obvious given the way they hugged her, and she liked them, she would have started dating them well before I asked her out. 

Their ridiculously enthusiastic hug ended and I got a good look at the person who had just catipulted themself at my date. They were very attractive, and I felt the irrational jealousy that I really didn’t want to feel bubble up again. They smiled at me and said, “And who is this handsome fella?” 

I blushed and suddenly my jealousy turned into flattery. Mar grinned at me. “This is Vaughn. We’re on our first date.” 

Mar’s friend’s smile got a little bigger. “Oh, you? On a date? Good for you, Vaughn! I’ve been trying to get Mar to date someone for like a year now.” 

“Not you though?” I asked. 

“Oh no, I’m gay. I don’t like women. I mean, I guess if I did like women I would be into Mar since she’s so pretty,” they flashed another smile at Mar, who smiled back, “but nah, I prefer dudes.” 

“Oh cool!” I said. “I’m actually bisexual but Mar’s the first person who-- er, well, heard a rumor that I liked her and made me ask her out. So, here we are!” 

“Oh, a bunch a bisexuals here, huh? You’re still bi, too, right Mar?” 

“Yep. Been that way since I was 14. Still am. It’s actually kind of insulting of you to ask, Derek,” Mar said. 

“Derek? That’s your name? I hadn’t gotten it yet, sorry,” I said. 

“No worries. I am, in fact, Derek,” they said, grinning again. “Nice to formally make your acquaintance, Vaughn.” 

Mar rolled her eyes as Derek and I shook hands. 

“He pronouns?” I asked. 

“What?” 

“Er, it’s polite to ask people’s pronouns instead of assuming and I’m trying to get into the habit,” I explained. 

“Oh! Yeah, he, him, they, she, whatever. I’m a man but I know I’m a little flamboyant so I don’t mind being called ‘she’ sometimes. You?” 

“He,” I confirmed. “Preferably only he, I really don’t like being called ‘she’, and ‘they’ makes me feel like I don’t pass.” 

Suddenly, the music started, drowning out any hope of continuing our conversation. I wasn’t sure Derek had even heard the end of my sentence, which might have been a good thing since I had gone ahead and very awkwardly outed myself. 

The show was everything I had hoped for. The band was very interactive with the small group of people surrounding the stage. There was even a tiny mosh pit-- me, Mar, Derek, and two or three other people. I had a great time, and was disappointed when their set ended. 

“Is it everything you dreamed and more?” Mar asked me. 

“It is! Thanks so much for recommending this place!” I said. 

“Doth my ears betray me?” Derek said. “This is your first time at a show?” 

“It is,” I responded. 

“How nice to see you get right into it! All joining the pit and being right up front. I think it is way more fun than awkwardly standing in the back,” Derek told me. 

“I think so too, so far,” I agreed. 

“Y’all should come to my party tomorrow,” he said. 

“Oh?” Mar asked, another grin on her face. “It’s been a while since you threw a party. What’s the special occasion?” 

Derek shrugged. “Not much of one, just my dad going out of town.” 

Mar turned to me. “We should go. Actually, I’m totally going to go, with or without you, but you should come with me. Derek’s parties are a lot of fun.” 

I grinned. “My dad will be pleased that I’m doing things a ‘real teenager’ should do instead of being shut up in my room on the computer. Let’s do it.” 

Derek, Mar, and I chatted until the next band came on. Before I knew it, the night was over, I was covered in sweat, and Derek felt more like an old friend than someone I had just met. It really was everything I had wanted it to be, and I already couldn’t wait to do it again. 

[roomalthoughts]

09.05.2018: questionnaire time

**I borrowed this from a website (https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/02/40-deep-questions-to-ask-if-you-really-want-to-get-to-know-someone/) And I thought it would be fun to do so you all get a better understanding of who I am. You are welcome to do this as well. [Scheduled post]

1. What’s your philosophy in life?

My philosophy in life is this quote: If you wish to be a warrior, prepare to be broken. If you wish to be an explorer, prepare to get lost and if you wish to be a lover, prepare to be both. -Daniel Saint

2. What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself?

The one thing that I would like to change about myself is this: To be more heartless.

3. Are you religious or spiritual?

Tough question (because I think religion and spiritual go hand to hand sometimes) but I would say I’m more spiritual than religious. 

4. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

I consider myself an extreme introvert. I love and value my solitude more than anything. It is very rare that I find someone that I love to hang out with and want to be with them 24/7 rather than being home alone, listening to music.

5. Which parent are you closer to and why?

Quite honestly, if I had to chose which parent I’m closer with and why, it would have to be my mom (I’m not close with either of my parents because of my childhood. One time my mother screamed at me, wishing that I was never born, so of course, I hold that dear to my heart). I’m close with my mom because we share somewhat of the same morals (I’m more liberal while she’s more conservative). Most of the time, we get along because we have the same wit and sassy humor. 

6. What was the best phase in your life?

Probably the best phase of my life was when I was a senior in high school all through my sophomore year in college. Those three years were the best for me because I was having such a good time and hanging out with my peers at my college. I was always creating chaos (in a fun way) when I had to get together with my groups and my faith was at its highest that time (because of my peers). 

7. What was the worst phase in your life?

The worst phase of my life was my junior year in college all the way through my senior year. I was lost, confused, hurt, and angry with life. I was not content with life and I was doing things that I regret to this day (I was doing things to get over the pain and agony that I was dealing with during that time). I was also dating someone who didn’t care one cent on how I was feeling, so that added more fuel to the fire. 

8. Is what you’re doing now what you always wanted to do growing up?

NO. Haha, what I’m doing right now is not what I had planned to do growing up. The top three careers I wanted to do were: social worker, doctor or teacher. I’m not doing either one of them (I’m a manager at a retail store). I’ve always wanted to help people in many ways that I could and so of course, my big heart chose those top three careers. 

9. What makes you feel accomplished?

What makes me feel accomplished is the fact that I graduated from college and I made it through without any complications. 

10. What’s your favorite book/movie of all time and why did it speak to you so much?

My favorite book is the Hunger Games series (yes, I love all three of them) and my favorite movie is The Dark Knight Rises. The THG series gave me another dose of imagination and creativity (and it showed me that the book was somewhat influenced by the real world problems). The Dark Knight movie was a masterpiece in it’s own and I was impressed (and fell even more in love with theatre) on how well it was done. 

11. What is a relationship deal breaker for you?

The biggest relationship deal breaker for me is, if you can’t be honest and completely open with me, it’s not working out. Period. I can overlook the flaws and imperfections, but the minute the person that I’m interested in lies to my face, I’m out the door. I was with someone who was a great liar (along with having a great liar living with me for eighteen years) and I do not tolerate it. I’m now extremely picky about honesty and it’s one of the reasons why I’m not in a relationship at the moment. 

12. Are you more into looks or brains?

BRAINS. I’m so into brains because looks fade away as we grow older and wrinkles come kicking in. I have a knack for those who are clever and are very intelligent. I don’t know what it is, but I love people who are so wise that I can talk about life for hours. I want someone that I can talk about the meaning of life and the deep stuff. Tell me what’s your biggest fear, what’s your biggest dream, what’s your favorite memory, etc. All of those little things matter to me because it tells me more about you. 

13. Would you ever take back someone who cheated?

I would NOT take back someone who cheated on me. Like I stated before, I do not tolerate lies and cheating. I saw it with my own parents and I experienced it myself. No thanks. I’m better off being alone rather than being with someone who lies and cheats behind my back. 

14. How do you feel about sharing your password with your partner?

I couldn’t care less about sharing my password with my partner. If my partner wants to look through my phone, social media, etc, then go for it. I have nothing to hide. 

15. When do you think a person is ready for marriage?

I think when a person is ready for marriage is when they know they have their life together in a way that they have a good career, has enough money to buy a house (and has enough for children expenses because kiddos are expensive) along with having a good understanding on how to be responsible (no partying, drinking, etc). They have to be completely mature to understand that marriage is a delicate compromise and there is no backing out. They are willing to spend the rest of their lives with the person they are going to marry. 

16. What kind of parent do you think you will be?

I honestly have no clue. I think I would be the strict type of parent because I don’t want my kids to do the same mistakes as I did (especially if I have a daughter, I want her to be a better woman than me). 

17. What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner?

Considering that most of the time, I do not agree with my parents’ opinions, but if they tell me that they do not like my partner then it’s because they know they are not a good fit for me. I may throw a fit, but I would take their opinion into consideration and understand that they’re saying they don’t like who I’m dating because it just isn’t going to last. Parents can tell when their children’s partner isn’t good for them. They just have that sixth sense and it’s so hard to explain. 

18. Who is that one person you can talk to about just anything?

The one person I can talk about anything is my best friend, Kara. She has been in my life since I was ten and I love her very much. She’s like a sister to me and I would lay down my life for her and she knows that very well. 

19. Do you usually stay friends with your exes?

I usually don’t stay friends with my exes because it isn’t worth my time. There is a reason why it didn’t work out and I would much rather have them out of my life. I will strike up a conversation with them if I see them on the streets (only if they start it) and catch up on life, but otherwise than that, I usually want them out of my life. 

20. Have you ever lost someone close to you?

I have lost family members, but luckily, I haven’t lost anyone close to me, yet. 

21. If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up?

When I’m in a bad mood, I prefer to be left alone. 

22. What’s an ideal weekend for you?

SLEEPING IN. 

23. What do you think of best friends of the opposite sex?

I think they can be great, even though I don’t have a best friend of the opposite sex. 

24. Do you judge a book by its cover?

Sometimes...it just depends on the person. 

25. Are you confrontational?

Not at all. I hate confrontations. 

26. When was the last time you broke someone’s heart?

The last time that I truly broke someone’s heart was last year in October. I was falling head over heels for a guy at my college while I was playing with this guy’s feelings (I met him where I met my ex, which was at another retail store, how ironic). I wasn’t thinking clearly and of course, I broke his heart when I realized that I wasn’t falling for him...instead, it was the other guy. It was a giant mess and to this day, it still stings when I think about it. I still feel incredibly remorseful. 

27. Would you relocate for love?

No. Unless, I know, deep down in my heart that is love that will truly last. Otherwise, no, I wouldn’t relocate for love. 

28. Did you ever write a journal?

I certainly do. I have about three (or four) journals. 

29. What are you most thankful for?

I’m thankful for having a loving and wonderful support group. 

30. Do you believe in second chances?

I did believe in second chances once before, but after seeing that people will take advantage of that...sadly, I do not. 

31. What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?

That I’m way too naive when in reality, I just observe and keep things to myself. 

32. What is your idea of a perfect vacation?

My idea of a perfect vacation would consist of being in Mexico, with my family while laughing our hearts out. 

33. What did your past relationship teach you?

As much as I hate talking about my past relationships, I think what I’ve learned from them is that no matter how hard I try to make the person love me (or do the things that I did for them) it’s not going to work if they don’t love and care about me. It doesn’t matter that I’m the best person they are ever going to have. They don’t want me and will do everything to push me out. I also learned that if they are not honest with me, it’s because they don’t trust me. If they moved on right after we broke up, is because that person already had someone else behind my back. If they never checked up on me, it’s because they never cared (or they just want to see if they can drag you deeper into the hole). I also learned to never put all of my effort in a relationship (one of my exes told me that the reason he never went out on all relationships he’s been is because he never wanted to carry that weight of knowing he put his effort and can laugh at the other party for doing so). I knew he laughed at me for being a fool and although I forgave him, I’m glad that he’s no longer apart of my life. He taught me well. Most importantly, if they hurt me, without any hesitation or remorse, it’s because they never really gave two fucks about me. If you try to change the person for the best, they won’t do it unless they want to do it themselves. Overall, I have learned to be heartless.

34. What are your thoughts on online dating or tinder?

I think they are quite...sketchy, but that is just me. 

35. What’s on your bucket list this year?

Well, I wanted to go to Oregon and Washington this year, but I decided to go to Mexico to see my family. :) 

36. When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush?

I think the last time I have felt my biggest adrenaline rush was when I was competing at the state finals my senior year in high school. My knees were killing me, but I was able to ignore the pain and drop time (along posting my name in the top 10 in my high school’s history for the fastest swims). 

37. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again?

I don’t think I have done anything crazy yet, but I have messed around at work to the point that I almost got myself in trouble.

38. If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for?

The three wishes I would grant would be: 1) to move to Oregon, 2) have enough money to pay off my students loan and 3) create a loving place for those who struggle with depression and anxiety without any cost

39. What’s your biggest regret in life?

There are so many things I regret in life, but I think the number one would be letting those who hurt me before back into my life. I don’t need that kind of negativity. 

40. What do you think about when you’re by yourself?

When I’m by myself, I think about life and the what if’s. 

41. Does your job make you happy?

Yes. Even though it is not the career I wanted, I’m content with it. 

42. What did you want to be when you were younger?

I wanted to be either a doctor, teacher or a social worker. 

43. Why did your last relationship end?

(Look back at question #33). And I wasn’t happy towards the end of it. I wanted something more and I knew the decision of cutting it off was the best for my own sanity. 

45. What’s been your biggest mistake so far in life and what did you learn from it?

My biggest two mistakes would be: being with someone who wasn’t healthy for me and not taking greater chances when given the opportunity. What I learned from those two mistakes were that 1) it made me stronger and wiser than I was before and 2) I’m more aware of what I want and I’m still figuring out who I am still. 

46. Where is your favorite place in the entire world to go?

My favorite place in the entire world is Mexico. 

47. What are your top five favorite movies?

My top five favorite movies are: 1) The Dark Knight, 2) Avengers: Infinity War, 3) Ant-Man. 4) Ant-Man and the Wasp and 5) Captain America: Civil War

48. What are some of your favorite songs?

(It depends on my mood, but for now) my favorite songs are Everlong by the Foo Fighters, Fake Happy by Paramore, Would You Want Me by the Generationals, Not Even Jail (Remix) by Interpol and Where The Streets Have No Name by U2. 

49. What qualities do you admire about your parents?

Besides them being incredibly stubborn, I admire their determination when they want something. 

50. How would you describe your best friend?

I would describe my best friend as someone who is loving, caring and kind. 

51. What’s your favorite hobby to do alone?

I love to write, draw and read. 

52. What’s something you can’t go a day without doing?

Singing along to the songs that play at work. 

53. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?

I think cutting my hair really short (and dying it too). 

54. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?

HAHA. Nothing. 

55. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

People who chew with their mouth open. 

56. Why do you think you’re still single?

For one, I am not looking for a relationship (I think it’s a waste of time) and two, I am still trying to work on myself and be the best person I can be. I will not let anyone in until I am completely ready (and until I meet the person that will touch my soul before touching my skin). 

57. What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Well, I guess graduating from both high school and college. 

58. What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?

To move out of Indiana. 

59. What is your greatest fear?

To die alone and not leaving a legacy behind for those to remember. 

60. What are three things you value most about a person?

Honesty, loyalty and respect.

61. Who are five people you are closest with?

1) Mom, 2) my brother, 3) my best friend, 4) my coworkers and 5) my family

62. What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?

Well, I’m not sure. So far, I would say having a better control of my thoughts when I feel depressed/anxious. 

63. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

Anywhere in the west coast. 

64. What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened this past year?

I got promoted at my job. :) 

65. What’s your favorite beer?

NONE. I prefer wine. ;) 

66. What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today?

I think the one thing that bothers me about the world today is how there is so much cruelty going on and it just breaks my heart. 

67. Who are you closer with your mom or your dad?

Mom.

68. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

If I had the personality of an ice cube, then I would probably be a lot more happier. 

69. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?

To be more peace and less violence. 

70. Who was your favorite teacher and why?

All of them because they inspired me to be kind, loving and caring toward others. 

71. What sport did you fall in love with?

SWIMMING! 

72. What is the weirdest thing about you?

Um...well...I like to write short stories....????

73. What was your longest relationship?

A year, but it wasn’t my relationship..... :) 

74. What would your best friend say is your best quality?

My wicked, perverted sense of humor. 

75. Who is your favorite historical figure?

Oh man...I don’t know, haha. It would have to be Rosa Parks. 

76. What made you choose the college you went to?

It was close to home and I wanted to do something different than my peers. 

77. If you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be?

Hang on, buddy. It does get better. The storm doesn’t last forever.

78. What food could you not live without?

Anything with pasta in it. 

79. Dogs or Cats?

Both. :) 

80. What’s closest you’ve ever come to being arrested?

Um.....let’s skip this question. 

81. What was your best birthday?

My 22nd. :) 

82. What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do?

How to talk to people without making a fool out of myself. 

83. Where’s one place you’d like to go that you haven’t been?

The west coast. 

84. What was the last book you read? And When?

Stephen King’s The Dark Tower and this past month.

85. Where do you usually get your news?

On the News App (iphone). 

86. What are some of your own personal goals in the next 5 years?

Be myself without any shame, move out of Indiana and just travel as much as my budget allows me. 

87. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment so far?

I already answered this question, haha. 

88. If you could get away with anything that you do?

It would be to not buy plane tickets to go to Europe, haha. 

89. Who is your greatest hero?

My grandma. 

90. What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?

Probably creating this blog. 

91. Why are we here?

We are meant to live a life with purpose and live our dreams. 

92. If heaven is real and you died tomorrow, would you get in?

No. 

93. Do you believe in fate?

Yes. 

94. How do you think people see you?

Someone who looks and acts incredibly naive but just knows a little too much for my own sanity. 

95. If you had the ability to erase something that you did in the past, what would it be?

Any bad events that occurred from 2016-2017. And to bring my uncle and grandpa back to life. 

96. What song makes you unconditionally happy?

Any songs from twenty one pilots, Paramore & U2. 

97. If you could have anybody else’s life, who’s would you take?

Any of Hollywood’s directors and screenwriters. That would be an incredible job to just let loose your creativity (I’ve always wanted to do something like that because I love to write). 

98. What fictional character do you most relate to?

Probably either Katniss Everdeen or Steve Rogers. 

99. If I asked you at age 5 what you wanted to be when you grew up, what would you say?

With my crooked smile, I would say that I either wanted to be a teacher or doctor. 

100. What is your biggest irrational fear?

Being alone and heights. 

101. If you could take us anywhere in the world right now, where would you take us?

Germany or Canada. 

102. What is your biggest regret?

Answered that question already (not taking opportunities when given the chance). 

103. If you died tomorrow, what would you wish you had done?

To see the Northern Lights. 

104. Can you pin point the moment in your life where you were the happiest?

June 25th of this year is when I became the happiest I have ever been and I’ve been this way for quite sometime now. 

105. What song makes you unconditionally sad?

Losing Your Memory by Ryan Starr. 

106. If past lives are real, what was yours?

Hmm...I don’t know. Probably some scientist. 

107. Have you ever seen something you can’t explain?

Not really. 

108. What is your biggest accomplishment?

Already answered that question, haha. 

109. If you could do one thing without suffering the consequences, what would you do?

Ehm...let’s say torture a few people.... :) I’m kidding, I don’t know.

110. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

Last night, I had a strange dream that I was outside and all of a sudden, everyone that I used to love (and date) were walking towards my direction...but they looked like ghosts....like something happened to them and it was freaky. I was just walking down the trials with my camera and somehow, my camera broke into pieces as those people got closer to me...but they didn’t say a word to me. The trees slowly turned gray as they were walking by and it was like they were taking away the colors that nature had. Their eyes looked like they had no color in them and they just looked dead. They showed no emotion and kept walking pass me, without a word...yeah, it was pretty freaky. Maybe watching too much Halloween movies. 

111. What is the darkest thought you’ve ever had? What about the darkest thing you’ve never told anybody?

Hurting someone that hurt me badly. Well...I don’t have any dark secrets that I haven’t told anyone. 

112. Is there something out there, a thought, an idea, a current event, or a fear that you find deeply unsettling?

I don’t think so. I’m already used to seeing so many...disturbing events in this world. 

113. What would you consider to be your deepest fear? 

My deepest fear is being alone. When I’m alone with my thoughts, I’m capable of doing anything and it just scares me. 

114. Is there an activity that calms you? A place or a thing that makes you feel at ease?

Going outside in the woods usually does the trick to calm me down because my social anxiety likes to eat me alive when I’m in public. 

115. What makes you feel uneasy? Overwhelmed? Anxious?

If I’m walking alone in a big crowd, usually I get really overwhelmed because I don’t know the people in the crowd (if that makes sense). 

116. What is your favorite song and why?

Everlong by the Foo Fighters and it’s a simple yet deep song. If you haven’t listened to it, then you should...I think it will give you a better idea of who I am. 

117. Do you have a favorite book? A line in a piece of literature? A poem? Why do you relate to it?

Okay, this is a f****ing hard question because I LOVE BOOKS and I’m a sucker for William Shakespeare. Anything related to his works are my favorite things in the world. He’s a romantic fool like I am and I can relate to his way of writing. If I could be involved in a play by William Shakespeare, I would in a heartbeat. I’m so starstruck by Shakespeare. 

118. What scene in a movie has evoked the most feelings out of you?

Ya know....the scene in Avengers: Infinity War....ya know. 

119. What do you do or where do you go when you need to be alone?

I usually lock myself in my room. 

120. What makes you feel like you need to be alone?

When I have a bad day, I usually need to cool off before I want to talk about it. 

121. Can you remember a time in your life you felt the most alive? Tell me everything about that memory.

June 29th, 2018. When I went to Mexico and that whole week, I felt so alive. 

122. When have you felt the lowest in your life?

All of 2016 to 2017. 

123. Where have you felt the most failure? The most success?

Most failure was in August of 2017. Most success is July 2018. 

124. Tell me about the facts or harsh truths you choose to ignore but know you shouldn’t.

That I am not relationship material. No one will ever match up with the depth that I have. I can love deeper than the ocean itself and I have been shot enough times through the heart to know that I should stay away from relationships. 

125. When have you felt like you were living life to the fullest? When have you felt like you weren’t?

Right now, I’m living life to the fullest and last time that I didn’t live to the fullest was 2016-2017. 

126. What is the first lie you ever told? Which is the biggest?

That I loved someone and probably the biggest yet so far because it backfired me badly. 

127. What is the first secret you ever kept from anybody? Which is the biggest?

None. 

128. Are you a religious or spiritual person? Tell me why and tell me how.

I already answered that question. 

129. Have you always had the same political beliefs? Is there something that impacted them?

Yep. I’ve always leaned toward the Democrat party and nothing has changed that (I’m a firm believer that the church and state should be two separate things and not combined. Everyone should have the right to do whatever makes them happy while obeying the common sense laws). 

130. Where do you find meaning in your life?

In taking pictures of nature and just talking to people. 

131. Have you ever been in love? Tell me about the times you have been.

Well s***...to be sincerely honest and open about that...no, I haven’t been truly in love. I have been infatuated but never in love. I haven’t met that person who actually touched the depth of my soul without touching my skin or lips. I haven’t met that person who motivates me to be a better person. I’ve been in relationships where I have given my all, but I knew deep down it was never going to last because I knew right off the bat that person isn’t who I would want to spend the rest of my life with...I just went with it and although many speculate that I was in love back in 2016-2017, I never really felt it throughout that time. Maybe I was too busy keeping that person around for my ego (if that makes any sense) and I know that sounds incredibly bad...but no, I have never been in love. 

132. Tell me about the times someone broke your heart.

It sucks, but eventually you learn from it. You learn that it just helps you become wiser and stronger. 

133. Why did you cry the last time you did so?

I haven’t cried since 2016. 

134. Have you ever cried tears of joy?

Lately, no. 

135. What did you do when you hurt someone the most?

Nothing. I just wished that they would experience the same pain that I felt.

136. If your life was a movie or a book what would be the title to it?

Everlong. 

137. When have you caused the most harm to yourself?

Back in the end of July. 

138. What has been the biggest change you ever made that made you the most proud of yourself?

Cut my hair super short and show everyone else my true colors. I’ve been told by guys that they don’t like my new hairdo because they missed my long hair and that shows me that they are super shallow and don’t deserve me. :) 

139. Think about the people you love the most in your life, what do you do for them?

I have sent them gifts and see them smile, which warms my cold soul. :) 

140. Is home for you a place or a feeling? Describe that place or describe that feeling.

It’s a place for me. It’s just a fuzzy warm feeling I get. 

141. If you could be anywhere other than where you are right now, where would you be and what would you be looking at?

Oregon and the sea...and mountains and the pretty trees. 

142. Have you ever questioned your sanity and why?

ALL THE TIME. I honestly think I’m very unwell (with how bitter and angry I am with life). 

143. What is your most cherished childhood memory?

Playing in the leaves when I was 5. 

144. Have you ever had dreams about a past life?

No, but I have had dreams about the future. 

145. Do you have any recurring dreams or nightmares?

Nope. 

146. Do you believe more in fate or that we are the creators of our own destinies because we are governed by free will?

I believe in fate, but I think we have the right of free will and whatever choices we make, it makes up who we are and how we tell others about our stories. 

147. Do you believe in extraterrestrial life? Elaborate on why or why not.

Yeah! And I mean, we live in this huge galaxy and there are so many other galaxies in the universe and I think anything can happen. 

148. Would you find more comfort in the theoretical idea that that we were the most advanced species in outer space or would you find more comfort in the idea that we weren’t?

More in the idea that we weren’t. 

149. What would be your thought process if you were presented with irrefutable evidence that a god didn’t exist? What would be your thought process if you were presented with irrefutable evidence that a god did exist?

Oh man...here comes the biggest test, haha. Okay, well considering that I studied enough science both in high school and college, the scientific method already proves that (according to scientists) there is no such thing as a god. Now, the scientific method cannot prove that God exists because there is no way (you can’t prove celestial stuff, if that makes any sense). However, that doesn’t stop me from believing that God exists. If there is evidence shown that God exists, then I would accept it and continue on with life. You cannot argue with science when they have the evidence in your face because they have studied enough to show they know what they are talking about. 

150. What do you think was there before the universe came into creation?

Nothing. 

151. Do you believe in other dimensions and parallel universes?

You know...I don’t necessarily believe it, but just the idea would be pretty awesome. 

152. How do you define art?

Anything from movies, writing to painting. 

153. If you could have the option of eradicating pain from your life would you choose to do so? Why or why not?

No. Pain teaches us to be stronger and wiser. 

154. Is a life exclusive to pleasure (no suffering) worthwhile?

No. 

155. What do you think happens after death, if anything?

I don’t think anything happens after death. 

156. If you could be given the date of your death would you want to know it?

Yes so I can do the things I’ve always wanted to do before I die. 

157. Presented with the opportunity to be immortal would you take it?

No, if that means that my loved ones die before I die...I don’t think I can live with that pain. 

158. Would you rather be loved or love?

None. No thanks. 

159. How do you define beauty?

Beauty is what inside of the person (personality wise) rather than physical appereance. 

160. Where does happiness come from? Define what happiness means to you.

When you are over the thing that made you sad. You realize that there will be better things coming your way if you learn who you are, what you want, etc. 

161. Do you believe yourself to be truly free? If so, why? If not, what is holding you back?

Not yet. Once I have enough money to move out...then I will feel incredibly free. 

162. Deja-vu: is there anything to it or merely coincidence?

Not really. 

163. What was your father or mother like at home? How does he or she act different outside of family?

Father was violent at home and in public he was nice. Mother is about the same way both at home and in public (she’s sarcastic and mean). 

164. If you were given a choice to choose your manner of death, how would you die?

Firing squad. Just shoot me and death will be quicker that way. 

165. Tell me a really, really stupid joke that made you laugh.

Oh God...um....what do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh. 

166. Pick two out of physical chemistry, lifestyle compatibility, emotional compatibility and intellectual compatibility.

It’s gotta be both emotional and intellectual compatibility. 

167. If you were forced to vote for one the biggest dictators of history, (Hitler, Mussolini, Mugabe, Mao, Saddam or Stalin), which one would you pick and why?

Oh snap...I think I would choose Stalin. I cannot explain to you why, but he’s the first choice. I wouldn’t vote Hitler since he was a psycho (so are the rest, but I think he was beyond crazy and unwell). 

168. Show me a music track or a scene from a film that made you tear up.

Avengers: Infinity War. Listen to that soundtrack and I promise you will end up crying. 

169. If you could have any animal in the world as a pet, what would it be and why?

Either a tiger or a wolf. They are majestic and pretty awesome. 

170. If you were given a chance to explore the oceans, go to outer space or visit 50 different countries, which one you choose and why?

Outer space, baby. Let me see the Earth, Mars, Venus, Pluto...all of those planets. 

171. Do you think that men are more rational and women are more emotional?

Absolutely. From the men that I have known, most of them are not as emotional as I wish they could be and I have met women that are incredibly emotional (like me!!!). 

172. Out of the negative emotions of greed, anger, jealousy and hate, which one would you say affects you the most?

Definitely anger. I get angry so easily and I need to learn how to control that. :/ 

173. Out of the positive emotions of compassion, positivity, enthusiasm and initiative, which one is your biggest strength?

Compassion. I may joke around about how heartless I am, but in reality, I have such a big heart and I care for others when I shouldn’t. 

174. If you could be President of your country for an hour, what is the one thing that you would change?

FREE TACOS. 

175. Describe your best first kiss.

HAHA...How about no. 

176. Has another’s pain ever given you joy? Be totally honest.

I’m about to sound like the biggest bitch here...but yes. I hate to admit it, but for me, it was like “haha finally karma got you!” That person hurt me more than possible and it was nice...I guess. 

177. Tell me your biggest strength outside of your workplace.

I’m not sure. Maybe just being my moody self. 

178. If you were given a choice to turn into a zombie or to die, which would you pick?

Just let me die. 

179. If you had to pick one, what is the most important value you would teach your children? Honesty, Kindness or Courage?

Honesty all the way. 

180. Are you health conscious?

Yes. 

181. Name the one bad quality you wouldn’t mind in a partner.

Okay, well I wouldn’t mind them burping or farting around me. I’m used to it. 

182. Name the one worst quality you cannot tolerate in a partner.

Dishonesty. 

183. Tell me your biggest supernatural or paranormal fear?

If I had to choose, it would be being haunted (I don’t believe in the demon possession stuff because I’m more realistic rather than being involved in paranormal/supernatural stuff, I think it’s just made up stuff). 

184. If you got a free cheque for $5,000 right this second, how would you use it?

Pay off my student loans. 

185. Name one really surprising thing that set your heart pumping and gave you an adrenaline rush.

I guess seeing sport cars because I love the speed and I wish I had a sports car to drive. 

186. Tell me about the time you were so embarrassed in love, you wished you could disappear right there and then.

Oh God, okay so back when I was in fourth grade, I give this kid a Valentine’s Day card and he was like “ewwww.” I wanted to die in that moment there, haha. 

187. Have you ever been unable to sleep? What do you do with your time then?

I usually listen to music and waste my time on Tumblr. 

188. Tell me about your biggest love regret that made you wish you could turn back time?

Anything that happened in 2016-2017. If I could get brainwashed to forget those times, then I would in a heartbeat. :) 

189. Do you believe in materialism or spirituality?

Definitely in spirituality. 

190. If you were forced to pick one religion on this planet, which one would it be and why?

That’s a hard question...I would say atheism. 

191. What is the most romantic and loving thing you have ever done for somebody?

Probably writing a few poems for someone. 

192. What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done in your life?

Going to Kentucky to see the solar eclipse. 

193. What’s your day-to-day mantra?

Work, eat and sleep. Then repeat. 

194. What quote resonates with you more than any other?

“But sweetheart, you’re a wolf. No need to howl over the loss of men who are incapable of accepting you.” 

195. What’s your anti-motto?

“It’s never too late to go back to bed.” 

196. What trait do you envy in others?

Intelligence. 

197. What skill do you wish you had?

Being able to talk to people without embarrassing myself. 

198. How do you wish to be remembered?

Inspiring others (and making them laugh with my wit). 

199. How would your best friend describe you in five words?

Humorous, kind, caring, loving and incredibly loyal. 

200. How would you summarize your life purpose?

I’m here for a good time, not for a long time. 

[smokescreen24]

64 Questions you aren’t used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Not particularly - everyone has a life as vivid and interesting as mine. I just don’t know what they are.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 0. Can that be my answer? Because it is. I actually really like the dark. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? A handful of folks come to mind. Like the current President of the USA. 

4. What is your favorite word? I really wish this was a joke, but - fuck. I use that word A LOT. Like, a lot a lot. 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Probably a palm tree. They do best in warm weather, and I love summer. Or maybe an oak tree? I’m not sure. 

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? That I could actually pack a lunch in the bags under my eyes. That, and I need to put more red back in my hair. It’s fading out. 

7. What shirt are you wearing? I’m actually wearing a light jacket as a shirt. It’s comfy. 

8. What do you label yourself as? Cishet, and I’m by my family’s standards a girly-girl in comparison to my sister. 

9. Bright room or dark room? Depends on the room, tbh. Like my kitchen and bathroom are super bright, but my living room is pretty dim - less glare on my tv screen.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping. Swear to Jesus. 

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 19. I was working at the one job I actually enjoyed. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? My husband. We just got done talking. 

13. Your worst enemy? As far as I know, I don’t have one. 

14. What is your current desktop picture? Cybertron. I’m not kidding. 

15. Do you like someone? Heck, I married the poor guy! Luckily, he’s a tolerant man.

16. The last song you listened to? The Sound of My Voice by Jon Heintz

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Ooh, that’s tough. Can I get back to you on that one?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? This one, however is easy. I’d like to punch one of my Mom’s ex’s in the face. 

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? *raises eyebrows* Do I have to keep it PG, or can I nudge this towards an R rating? Because those are two different answers. 

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) My eyes. They’re blue-grey. If you look up the color for Ion’s Shark Blue, it’s close to what my eye color is. 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? Honestly, I’d look even more like my father. And I’d probably freak the hell out, not gonna lie. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I don’t think so. 

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? What qualifies as a unique phobia? 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Philly cheesesteak sandwich with all the fixings, for the win. 

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Like a boring adult. Groceries. I could use the boost. 

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?  My ass is going to London! See ya’ll later! 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Shoot. I like a lot of alcoholic drinks. I think I’m gonna go with a White Russian, though. With Kahlua, milk, and Grey Goose Vodka.  (You said be brand specific.)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? I am Matriarch. There is no democracy. *grins* We’ve seen where democracy got us. I’m not falling for that shit. 

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s the same as my favorite word! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? My teddy bear. I’ve had him forever. 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? None. Because those experiences made me who I am as a person, and without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today. So, pass. 

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Where would you go next? Probably the United Kingdom. Not kidding - I really love the UK. 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My dad. 

34. What was your last dream about? I’m super bad at remembering my dreams. I do remember being very tense, though. 

35. Are you a good advice giver? It very strongly depends on what you need my advice on. I’m kinda hit or miss, to be brutally honest. 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Once, when I was super young. I don’t remember much about it, but I do remember my Papa Moffitt visiting and being very upset he didn’t bring me a snack. 

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be. Sorry, guys. 

38. What is the color of your socks? Joke’s on you! I’m not wearing any!

39. What type of music do you like? There’s not much I won’t listen to. I like most everything. 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunset. If I’m up at sunrise, I’m NOT a happy camper. 

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Strawberry. Hands down. 

42. What football team do you support?  College football - Florida State Seminoles! Pro Football - The Tampa Bay Buccaneers! (I’m a die-hard Bucs fan - they haven’t been good since 1997.)

43. Do you have any scars? They’re scattered here and there. I was an active kid.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? A veterinary tech. I like animals much more than people. 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I don’t think I would. I actually really like myself the way I am. 

46. Are you reliable? YES. And I know this for a damn fact - I’ve been called in so much, that I think I’ve got it in writing somewhere. 

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Does it get easier? 

48. Do you hold grudges? Oh, yes. I’m very good at it. 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? I just want a pet Liger. That’s already been done, but that’s what I’d want. 

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Pfft. Pretty much any conversation I’ve ever had with my bestie. We’re not normal. 

51. Are you a good liar? Absolutely not. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Not long. I’m a chatterbox. I think the longest I’m quiet is when I’m sleeping. 

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? Probably the super short pixie cut back in high school. I don’t have the right face shape for it. 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Like, from scratch? Nah. But I do a decent box cake. 

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Yeah, but they sound super fake. 

56. What do you like on your toast? . .. .I don’t like toast. 

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? A heart, probably. I can’t draw. 

58. What would be you dream car? A Lamborghini. In either yellow or red. 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Do I sing in the shower? Yes. Badly. 

60. Do you believe in aliens? I’m not saying it was aliens, but ALIENS. 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? It entertains me. So, yeah. 

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? X. It’s just fun to write. 

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Uh, DRAGONS. OBVIOUSLY. 

64. What do you think about babies? They’re cute. They’re also better when they’re not mine. 

I tag @sabotage-prowl! You’re up!